THE NARCISSIST WHO WAS AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT HIMSELF WITH REAL PEOPLE

jan 18

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2017/01/18/rebel-shoah-fashy-struggle-session/

mike enoch gets interrogated wooooot

soundcloud comments dont seem to optimistic, suggest there are no really tough questions, that stuff is brushed off, and the first 5 minutes are not diving into tough questions like i would have liked. i do not have a great feeling tbh.

takes 36 minutes to start maybe getting good??? maybe 43.

heh i expected him to be more shaken up. honestly this is getting boring hehehehe.  uhhhh i was kinda hoping he would act like something happened. to take like 10 straight minutes talking about why its really not ok to marry j00s, or something. i dunno.

how about distraught from losing your family and your 100k job. I would be going CRAZY. Couldn’t even do a conversation with people. i dunno i guess i wanted him to be a little more emotional about it all, even if emotions are womanly.  strong men also have SOME emotions lebowski hahaha.

he doesnt sound like a man whos life has just been ruined.

i dunno. little disappointed. did not meet my expectations. didnt expect to listen to a 2 hour podcast for him to say “i am conflicted about this.” i mean he SHOULD be conflicted about this!

whoa many JCC’s around the nation target for some threats. now here’s some hot news!!!!!

i wanted him to put something personal out there. share something. i guess he doesnt HAVE to, we dont OWN him, i was just hoping for a lot more reassurance than I got. I am glad mike is not K’ing himself and not so worried that he can’t go on…..but what do you really have to SAY about your J wife? he said yeah she’s a J, hasn’t said 25%, 50%, or 100%. this stuff matters! does she have a really J lifestyle and ideology? has TRS’s anti-J’ish caused real problems with their marriage? it probably SHOULD!

i realize he’s not a LEADER, he certainly doesn’t see himself as a leader, and yeah that really comes across here. he may not be a LEADER, but his opinion carries some weight, and i wish he had a stronger opinion about this!  yeah this is “drama” but its also LEGIT drama!

if anything, Sven has stronger leadership qualities than Mike, and Sven is not really pushing Mike to talk about the tough stuff.

im not saying accuse mike as a betrayer, but also he should WANT to address people LEGITIMATE CONCERNS!!!!!!

ok he clarifies that he was notified today he was not welcome at his workplace anymore.

listened to 1:51 and nothing really jumped out at me. i wanted it to jump out. this is kinda a big deal.

so maybe the higher ups have lost a little credibility with me. maybe i will end up spending more time at DS than TRS hehehe. i mean TRS still has great podcasts though. the fatherland.

but man they ban people like crazy on that forum. i kinda like how DS forum is a lot more laid back re the banning. trolls talk mad shit and no one gets banned. i figure let the trolls talk shit, the rest of us will just ignore them. (AN IGNORE BUTTON WOULD BE NICE, THO hahahaha)

i dunno. just not what i really WANTED from mike i guess. but mike is not the leader of trs. and trs has plenty of people who would be more conflicted about their race mixing hahahaha. i just dont want to see a pattern of softening amongst the trs higher ups like sven, i dont want to be disappointed in him too.

WELL, THERES ALWAYS daily stormer at least hahahaha.

i guess i have become a bit less enthusiastic about donating shekels to TRS, where my enthusiasm for donating shekels to stormer has not waned one bit. that probably means something.

heh. i just wanted answers and resolution NOW and i guess im just gonna have to WAIT and see if mike gives anything better. i wish i had a better feeling about it.

i mean mike was never my number 1 favorite podcastfu anyway hahahaha. but he was part of my top tier! i didnt have all my eggs in that one basket tho, which i guess is good.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/meet-10-women-who-rushed-to-get-an-iud-before-inauguration-day_us_587fa3dae4b0c147f0bc56f8

dear lord

i dont want to have children so i can benefit humanity by being a phd research scientist . well just close your legs ya science slut.

you need the hormones for your acne or whatever. how about stop slathering chemicals on your skin and use a very diluted mix of very light salicylic acid hehehehe. maybe lemon juice. maybe just plain water. maybe dove sensitive skin soap.

how about you just stop fooking guys and if you dont want to get preggers, dont have secs with guys when you are on the period!!!!!!

how about be a lot more careful about the secs you do have?

dont have secs for like 7 days around your period. have the guy pull out or wear a condo. have him put it in your degenerate ass hahahahaha.

jan 19

oh dear. i remember when this happened but never really read any follow up on what derek black is doing now. i guess he hasnt come back to VVN and writes shitty articles for the JY Slimes about how trump is a racist and he’s so glad he’s matured past that.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/the-white-flight-of-derek-black/2016/10/15/ed5f906a-8f3b-11e6-a6a3-d50061aa9fae_story.html?utm_term=.fc3b626816d0

theres the wapo one with a lot of tldr hahahaha. anyway he honestly seemed like a pretty smart kid from a young age, BEFORE he got to college. knew all the red pill stuff many of us only learn AFTER college. and then he was blue pilled by some jooish guy who invited him to a diversity dinner? that made his whole system come crumbling down? he still seems like a smart intelligent guy!!!! this is really weird shit.

i can understand distancing yourself from his father who might be a little corrupt. but distancing himself from the whole movement is insane. why didnt he just join up with some of the young alt right people? newer groups like daily stormer or TRS?

he used to mock the ideas of white privilege! how did going to a leftist college where they took “white privilege” seriously just totally change his mind where he did a total 180??????????

its implied that the antiwhites had better SCIENCE for why race is a social construct, and how IQ diffs can be explained by education and opportunity and all that. that convinced derek black. a seemingly smart young man. the SCIENCE and STATISTICS were more convincing to say that there was no white genocide hahahaha.

what i’m saying is, he’s smart enough to weigh the evidence of both sides. and smarter people than him have done so and concluded that Race Is Real. I just want to know what was REALLY the deciding factor.

Him trying to make friends? but he was pretty open about it before going to the college.

maybe he got a super antiwhite Jooish gurlfran while he was at the college, who made it her project to convert him. this seems more likely than the above. i mean he didnt sound like a friendless autistic virgin dying for acceptance like i was hahahahahaha.

or maybe it was “just” being his fathers son. his fathers whole life is VVN 1.0. i am thinking don black was a halfway decent father and wasnt really cramming it down dereks throat though. and it sounded like derek willingly got on board.

i would bet theres subconscious father rebellion going on here. and thats why he couldn’t “just” go to VVN 2.0, he had to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

it’s sad because he seemed like a smart guy and could have been valuable to the movement. despite looking like a huge jackass with his hair and style. i mean he looked like a fedora libertarian virgin hahaha.

what really happened here? you dont just get hit with antiwhite statistics from J’s in J00niversity and say wow i never considered that before, and then do a 180.

i mean i was an antiwhite shitlib in jooniversity, but i never put much EFFORT into it. i was just like rabble rabble white privilege hurr durr institutionalized racism hurr durr imperialistic white males punching down, because that was what everyone around me was parroting, and i wanted to make friends, and especially to make gurlfrans hahahaha. I didn’t put extracurricular effort in going to meetings, or doing activism, or writing articles, or reading howard zinn. Many of my peers certainly did. i would rather sm0ke MJ and be like fight the man, maaaaan. like a lebowski deadbeat. and when i did meet trve believer marxist activists, they kinda weirded me out. like these people are WAYYYYY too tryhard. I’m not LIKE THEM, AM I? and maybe THAT started me on really questioning my not-so-strongly-held “beliefs” that white men were oppressing everyone.

derek black did the exact opposite of what I did. it’s a great STORY. but a sad one. fooked up.

so yeah he would be the bigger traitor than mike enoch hahahahaha. but I really don’t like how enoch basically did not talk about the tough questions. left me with no confidence hahahaha. ok mike, you’re not a leader, we get it. maybe i will really stop viewing you as one after all this.  have a very fishy weird feeling about how he has handled all this so far. it just seems like too little. like that’s it?!?!?! that’s the best you can give us?!?!?! you can and should do better than that.

so yeah i wouldnt quite call him a dirty traitor like black hahaha. because i think mike is gonna continue to say Savage Stuff about Da J00z. but he has not removed the Seed Of Doubt in many people’s mind. And I’m MORE than willing to give him the BENEFIT of the doubt!

but he’s not addressing the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!

The rank and file of TRS forum are great people. i guess i identify with them more than the TRS higher-ups. this could very well be the start of distrust with the higher ups. stormer forum is less banhappy and i like that.

no im not aguing for more freedom or democracy or less fascism hahaha.

maybe im saying i am losing a little faith in the TRS higherups.

but who are the MODS of stormer forum? anglin and weev sure, and I am FINE with them! if thats the whole of “stormer leadership” i would be 100% happy with that. ….but are there others with the power to BAN?

dunno, just wanted the “higherups” (if not “leaders”) to take this a LITTLE more seriously and not treat people asking reasonable questions as spergs or shit stirrers. shit i thought i was a moderate pvssy compared to many others…..who have prob already been banned from TRS hehe.

and derek black. im just trying to distract myself from the enoch drama. theres just better ways for him to rebel against his father. maybe become a successful engineer who doesnt even write about race hehehe. or be somewhat moderate and normie rather than turn into a damn far leftist.

if youre gonna be FAR anything, be a far rightist hahahaha.

YES don black has some shady stuff going on with the “unrealized projects” and I hate to agree with the splc on this. but that is fishy and derek is right to be critical of it. but dont turn your back on your race man. not cool.  i mean you dont have to go -1433. just go to 0.

maybe he’s rebelling against don and he doesnt even realize it. don seems like a better father than william pierce but im sure its still intense growing up in VVN 1.0. if stormfront were smart they would engage more with stormer and TRS. like david duke has! funfact: don black married david duke’s ex-wife and created the new human life of derek black with her, hehehehehe.

i guess derek is on this thing now where he was like hwyte europeans were SAVAGES and they didnt invent shit, the MUSLIMS were doing all this shit like ALGEBRA while white barbarians were in caves. good lord.

i mean its a FAIR QUESTION as to WHY the muslims went from being SOMEWHAT scholastic and academic and scientific and intellectual in their golden age of algebra and math and architecture and all that……SO WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED in the meantime??!?!?!?!

theres a disqus thread on the first official shoah and everyone that isnt kissing mikes ass is being denounced as a renegade-tier moron. wow.

you dont need to divulge too many personal details…..but ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM. don’t pretend like thats NOTHING. and then call the people with understandable doubts and skepticism abotu that PURITY SPIRALERS. Come on. I am as SOFT and MODERATE and wishy washy as they come. but I just wanted a little better from him.

shit yeah I’m welcome to leave. there’s the door. yeah well right now i will take one step towards the door because theres still plenty of good stuff at TRS. and I am SURE mike will say plenty of good stuff in the future. but he didn’t do much to DISPEL THE SEED OF DOUBT.

believe me, im no PURITY SPIRALLER. I’ve dont degenerate shit. I am a huge neet loser virgin untermensch hahaha. mike makes 14 times the money i ever will. i just think i would shown more integrity in this situation, hahahahahahaha.

well wheres MY podcast? wheres my forum? wheres my influential Media Platform? thats what i thought hahahaha.

well i’ve had 3 other longass blogs that went nowhere hahaha but I HAVE been associated with pro-hwytes since 2012. I bought a grindy greggy book in 2012 and I got culture of critique in 2013 hehehe. i recognize this guy on stormer forums from comments on heartiste in like 2007 hahaha. he’s found his way over there and I can’t blame him! welcome!

yeah i mean i KNOW in j00 york and j00 jersey EVERYONE is at least 25% jooish hahahahahaha. and its really not the end of the world to be married to a part J. it’s how you talk about it with the damn hwyte nationalist group you started hahahahahahaha. i guess there is not gossip like “is TRS really actually “VVN” or are they gonna disavow or equivocate on that term?

I’m very comfortable with the label, just as I’m very comfortable with “alt-right”, and i admit this can cause confusion, because not everybody conflates alt right with VVN. MY BAD!!!!

But I kinda thought TRS of all people would openly self-identify as VVN.

well, i am more confident that they are pro-hwyte, and thats really good enough. i mean, i would happily take an 88% hwyte nation hahahaha. just no less. dont want to get into a purity spiral here hahaha.

hey at least im not fooking googles like some hwyte trash woman hahahahahaha.

i just hope the fatherland guys maintain their integrity. they MIGHT say more on the next episode. i mean i dont really EXPECT them to, its much less their place than it is mikes place. but i wonder: would they get kicked off TRS if they were too critical of mike? also, they are close with sven. and one of their hosts has essentially become a higherup himself, doing a lot of forum technical work. I’ve really liked this guy BOF and I hope he doesnt start “cucking” or “shilling” hahahahahahaha.

welp better pack muh bags for renetard express, toot toot. go eat a mile of sinead’s shit hahahahaha. heh. i will start my own 1433 media empire before i do that hahahaha. i will meet goys in real life before i do that hahaha.

derek black. this guy is saying all white trvmp voters are extreme VVN’s like stormfront. WRONG. they are just normie hwytes who have had enough. they dont HATE anybody. they arent EXTREMISTS. sheeeeit even many VVN’s dont HATE anybody. I dont HATE anybody. I just want an 88% hwyte country and i want the J’s to stop attacking and slandering and libeling and lying about hwytes, and i want whytes to stop apologizing for it and to be less damn SUICIDAL as a race.

jan 20

hahahaha stupid linkedin GURLS WHO CODE news item in muh feed and leave it to some arab to say LOOKIN BEAUTIFUL LADEEZ hahahaha which i’m not opposed to saying in principle, but you should be smart enough to know not to say on lindkin, but there are so many arab, streetshitter, and chinese trolls and sock and spam and fake accounts on linkedin making stupid comments everywhere. in the past ive seen SJWs take them to task on this is EXACTLY the kind of comment we DONT want to see, but now I think people just assume quite rightly that these people might be BOTS.

i just think its funny that they are nonwhite bots, often indians who themselves are writing code in sweatshops for a dollar a day. bet they wish they could code as good as these 16 year old black girls!

saw a guy today i first met several years ago. but this guy is just great. absolutely great. total mancrush on this guy. he is highly educated and very successful and very respected and also just one of the nicest, sweetest people you could ever meet. i mainly knew his son who was also a real nice, good, decent guy, but, very much like me, he had a hell of a hard time adulting. a lot of that was due to health issues, being born into a bad body, hahaha. so he has a much better excuse than him. but he was a great guy. his father is a great guy too, but way more successful. so i saw the father today and shook his hand heartily and said give my regards to your son, he’s a good guy, you’re a good guy, i’m happy to see you again, and i was. i was in the next room as he gave a presentation to other people with masters degrees and phds and his presentation/lecture was very high energy and interesting. lets just say he’s into educating and listening to him in this “classroom” it made it clear that he would probably be a VERY good educator, teaching, with students. i had never really heard him in this mode before, but big surprise, he’s great at that too.

give this guy an award! the rest of the day i was like holy shit, he is such a great guy, wow, what an awesome dude, was so nice to see him again.

(he completed his phd later in life, within the past 5 years, after he was already successful and had a good career and a nice family. I think I saw him shortly after that happened and congratulated him on it.)

great, great, great, great guy. he seemed to remember me even though i hadn’t seen him in…..over 3 years.

and i was like holy shit. i was in a GOOD MOOD for HOURS after that. I was like DAMN I gotta meet MORE people who are this awesome.

then i thought, well, that’s a little GREEDY. and what’s wrong with the people I already know? are they chopped liver?

but fact is, only 10% of people are in the top 10% of awesome like this guy is. not everybody can BE that awesome.

so i thought, it’s ridiculous to want to meet more people as awesome as him. first, theres not that many people that awesome, second, how am i worthy of knowing so many of them and having them hang out with me?

and then i thought, it would be LESS ridiculous for me to get married to this man so i can cup his balls all day and bask in his awesomeness. that would generally give me the same effect hahahahaha. being around one super duper awesome person all day every day.

and that’s greedy in another way, greedy and needy on one person. im just one man, find some other people to fill your needs. so yeah, having a Team of Many Awesome people would be best.

the trick is FINDING these people and IMPRESSING them so that they LIKE you.

How did I find this guy? I knew his son, who was/is a great guy, but not nearly as AWESOME in terms of being a successful adult. but this endeared me to the son in a different way. i could relate to the son being a “neet loser”, and I couldn’t RELATE to his father, but I had/have a huge mancrush on his father and see him as a great role model.

and it’s terribly mean to call the son a “neet loser” because he was SUCH a nice guy! probably got that from his father, who is SUCH a nice guy as well! so i can’t disparage the son, other to say that its SAD he’s not getting the great life he deserves for being such a nice man like his father.

anyway i looked up the father on linkedin today when i came home and requested a connection. chances are he wont even SEE it, but if he does, that would be nice.

the son doesn’t have linkedin. prob has facebook but i dont have facebook. i hope the son is doing well…….but i wouldnt be surprised if he wasnt. which is sad. he deserves better and is probably depressed af but doesnt even know it. so i didn’t want to push the father too much on this aspect. i just i hope your son is doing ok, he’s a great guy and deserves great things.

anyway im not alone in thinking the father is a great guy. he has LITERALLY touched hundreds of lives as an educator and i’m sure many of those people are cupping his balls as well. he deserves it.

there are sneaky J’s in this world, and sad things happening to good people, but there are also people who are just so god damn awesome you can’t believe they even EXIST, but they do. and if you can meet as many of those people in real life and spend as much time as possible with them……maybe one day you could BE that awesome. wow. what a thought.

the guy is AMAZING. he is an INSPIRATION. I mean every damn word. if it sounds like im gushing its because i am.

all people cant be this cool, unfortunately……….. but you can STILL recognize the awesomeness of regular average joes. i would like to be able to do that more. i just need an EXTREMELY awesome guy to break through my thick shell. but even less awesome people are still awesome enough.

im talking about hwyte people of course hahahahahaha. nonhwytes, i just dont really care about. i dont wish them any harm, but i’m not as concerned about recognizing their awesomeness.

(i guess if you are an educator dealing with a lot of black kids, you might get passionate about recognizing the awesomeness in each one of them. ok fine. in fact i think that’s a mark of an Awesome Educator. which this guy is. except he doesnt teach a ton of inner city black kids hahahahahha.)

but yeah. spend enough time with this guy and you will want to become a TEACHER hahahahahahaha. he’s one of those. one of those that probably ends up in many students “Muh Favorite Teachers Of All Time” lists. really blowing minds, melting hearts. good for them. we all need as much of that as we can get. but i think this can’t be taught in teachers college really. you have to be born with that spirit.

actually i might have some of that spirit! but i do NOT want to go to teachers college and be a damn teacher.

so yeah seeing him was a wake up call for me. that within every hwyte, there’s a spark of that same awesomeness. i might not see it right away. they might not see it right away. but I should FIND it and then SHOW them that I appreciate them for it. be a real cheerleader.

shit i wish i could cheerlead muh SELF in that way, but uhhhh never been able to do that in 30+ years.

it goes without saying this guy is charismatic af. you HAVE to be. it goes hand in hand with all that.

now muh new coworkers, ive said before they are all awesome in their own ways, and they are. i should try to appreciate them for that and to show them that appreciation…..so that they can recommend me for good jobs hahahahahahahaha. you need all the recommendations and references in life that you can GET. for jobs and Grad Skool hahahaha. not that i promise to ever GO to grad skool……but i also want to prove that I’m smart hahahaha. because that’s a legit reason to go to grad skool hahaha.

2 of muh coworkers are pretty charismatic guys, including muh direct manager. good role models, in other words, and i REALLY dont want to WASTE the OPPORTUNITY, the PRIVILEGE of getting to know these people.

this is what every young man needs………but im not a young man any more. i might be too old to really benefit from this stuff hehe. it IS especially valuable to have access to people like this when you are YOUNG.

it’s my HWYTE PRIVILEGE that i had access to types like this when i was young. but i was so fooked up, immature, and sissy anxious, that i AVOIDED people like this. AVOIDED NICE PEOPLE WHO COULD HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Well i’ve gotten better about not avoiding them any more hahaha.

and i just want to be good about being a NORMIE and having normie conversations with my good guy manager, for example. have normal conversations and over time build a real Relship, so that i can talk to him about his life and family and career, and even more importantly for muh narcissism, talk about my life and my career hehehehehe.

i’m a total narcissist who is AFRAID to talk about muh self with other people!

now thats a weird ass situation to be in.

because i am ashamed of how little i’ve achieved and how i’ve never had any real career goals.

who doesn’t have career goals?

LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, no one’s a LOSER, but uhhhhh at this point its beyond the scope of an educator, you need a different kind of professional help, have you thought about seeing a shrink or a psychiatrist hahahahaha.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

So he was talked to this other woman who is currently doing a PHD in a marxist as hell field and is being advised by a marxist professor, and i was like oh great, im gonna have a field day listening to this woman’s lecture.

and yeah there was bullshit in there about hwyte privilege and closing the achievement gap with blacks……but at the same time, these people at least were still genuinely concerned with Just Helping Students Succeed.  Period. and I had to respect that. they weren’t k1kes rubbing their hands with how to keep evil whites down. they just sincerely want to help all students succeed. and i can totally respect that.

i just think they would have a much better go at that if they acknowledged the reality of racial differences.

however i might just agree with them on the class differences. like this woman was talking about the experience of growing up in an honestly shitty town, no one goes to college, let alone gets a phd, and she talks about stories of smart kids who just didnt get the right direction by their teachers. and i can totally sympathize with that . in a way i kinda feel like that.

but most of that is On Me, because I Actively AVOIDED the people who COULD direct, guide, advise, help me put my life on a good path. because i was afraid to Talk To Professors. I do regret that.

not just professors, but just successful middle class winner people in general.

i overheard them talking that middle class kids get more direction in thinking creatively, thinking outside of the box, while the working class kids are more like “just tell me what to do. am i doing this right? tell me what to do and i’ll do it. please.”

which was haunting for me, since I felt like that ALL THE TIME at muh old job, and still feel like that a little bit, generally. i said FOOK creativity, we need to GET THINGS DONE. RESULTS. what do i do to make this work now. creativity is a bourgeois, effete, phaggy luxury that real working people in the real world don’t have time form. creativity is NAIVE and SOFT and WEAK.

i honestly dont put high value on being creative. i would rather get things done. be charismatic, be good with people, do good strong work.

so, according to her, i definitely have more working class values than middle class. which i kinda already knew hahahaha. the whole story of my life has been torn between those two worlds, and failing in both of them.

i would talk to them all day about class. but just stfu about RACE hahahaha.

because i have ALWAYS identified with and support the working class……but i always had class/status anxiety about becoming middle class. using muh SMART BRAIN to go to COLLEGE and get a nice middle class CAREER and marry a woman who’s also “smart” enough to get a college degree and spell words correctly and not get Working Class Tattoos hahahaha.

because there’s parts of the working class I dont like, the white trash shit, but honestly i think those are WAY outweighed by the positives.

so here’s this woman talking about all this stuff and it was honestly very interesting. i wish they had recorded the lecture, or that i had tried to talk to the woman more before the lecture. but i didnt because i felt like a nervous idiot who didn’t know how to talk to phd’s. besides she was a commie antiwhite feminist.

technically yes……..  but i guess i agree with the antiwhite marxists when it comes to class. i am very very pro-working-class. i just dont want a marxist revolution. maybe i want a nonmarxist workers revolution? maybe. one with a huge racial component hahaha. white workers. NSDAP hahahaha.

would REALLY like to meet an awesome inspiring person like this who is closer to muh views on Race. hehehehe.

listen if i were in the position of these educators and had black students who were honestly smart and honestly working hard, no way would i brush them off or try to keep them down. i would want to help them succeed.

if i were ever in a position to really truly literally DISCRIMINATE against someone based on race alone, i would hope i wouldn’t do it. i really wouldnt WANT to be in that position.

i just HATE how these altruistic, noble, good motives got wrapped up with horrible jooish marxism!!!!!!!

like all these admirable educators are also damn democrats who parrot the benefits of diversity to their dying day. can’t we just take that shit out? you can STILL HELP STUDENTS, regardless of race!

like the woman was talking about a student who was smart, but got bad grades. the student wanted to be a lawyer, but because they were a working class person with bad grades, their teachers were like, uhhh you might want to become a paralegal instead. because to be a successful lawyer you need to get on the right PATH: good grades. good schools. and this student was smart enough to be capable of that, but they are guided to be a paralegal instead of a lawyer. that discussion particularly interested me. as a smart person who ultimately got mediocre grades and never ascended to the Successful Track……..BUT PROBABLY COULD HAVE.

and this teacher is concerned with being a good teacher who helps those kinds of students get to that track. and i totally admire that.

i just wish they didnt have to be goddamn diversity loving, trump hating, SJW marxists!!!!!!!! who are scared and sad about the bigotry and hate of white trump voters!!!!!

why cant you be a white trump voter who loves the white working class but ALSO wants to see all students succeed and get on the right path? so that would be my niche hehehehe.

of course LAW is a risky choice anyway. dont become a lawyer OR a paralegal. is what i would tell the student. do a damn trade instead. and i think this woman teacher i was listening to was very open to that idea as well. appreciated the value of trades and trade education/educators. and i am thankful to be around educators who understand that. rather than humanities professors in the ivory tower with soft pink bitchhands hahahaha.

but yeah to be a successful lawyer you should aim for top tier…..or not try at all. its the best or nothing. i mean that’s just how it is with law. i wish it weren’t!

and yeah i wish college weren’t so expensive. i dont even know who to blame anymore.

but i think pushing trades education is always a good idea.

like how about get rid of high schools in black neighborhoods and have them do trades education starting at age fooking 14. get paid working experience starting at age 14, so that they can get a decent paying job at age 18. rather than have these shitty public high schools of teachers babysitting savage, uneducable “Students”. take those students at a young age, 14 at the latest, and get them into military or trade school, before they have time to become savages. that would be my recommendation as a huhwhyte nationalist educator who wants the best for students of ALL races.

lets just move this post into the BEST OF right now hahahaha.

DONE.

i mean heres the thing. i might just AGREE WITH J MARXISTS on some aspects of Education and Socioeconomic Class.

and i dont want J Marxists to have a MONOPOLY on those ideas. I want VVN’s to be able to claim those ideas too.

heh. there was another educator there who has very good reviews from students and teaches a class in Religion. he is a huhwhyte goy who seems to be a Good Teacher. i didnt get to talk or listen to him at all. i mean i have fears that he is a diversity loving shitlib. now his specialty is RELIGION. handsome youngish guy who SHOULD have a wife and 3 young children. does he? i worry that he is a fedora atheist who teaches why religion is stupid and right wing. but why would he get a graduate degree in RELIGION?

but why wouldn’t he get a graduate degree in THEOLOGY or DIVINITY and become a PRIEST?

he seems like a smart guy who knows alot about religion, but would he be good to go to for actual SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE????

i should have asked him why didnt he become a PRIEST hahahaha. i think its because he’s really into ((((buddhism)))) hahahahaha.

no i dont think theres anything inherently wrong with that. ive known some great people who were heavily into buddhism. thinking of an old college friend who was a GREAT, classic, inspiring guy, and he got a grad degree in something buddhist related.

excuse me “professor” but why do you hate christians? are you varg vikernes or something hahahaha at least then we would agree that HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING HWYTE hahahaha.

they might not explicitly luv being hwyte, but if they have a whyte wife and hwyte children………then ITS ALL GOOD!!!!!!!!

and shit i really like the issues that ((((SOCIOLOGY))))) looks at, like race and culture and status and class and society and men and women…………..but i wish there were a hwyte-friendly version of sociology, because currently, its about THE WORST field there is. the absolutely fooking WORST. SAD.

i mean if there were a Hwyte Sociology, I would get a phd in THAT. but there isn’t. there wont be in my lifetime. and i dont have the charisma or awesomeness or influence to make one myself. lets be realistic here. i mean yeah i often underestimate myself, but not here.

its so frustrating. to have smart people talking about very interesting things…..but to take the worst possible perspective on it. except for a few points about wanting to help working class students, or working class people in general. THAT I agree with them on. NOTHING else. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

and theres ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I could have a conversation with these masters and phd-level Educators and convince them that Hwytes are Awesome and plz drop this marxist white privilege bullshit. because I can’t argue, and I sure can’t argue against people who a large part of their jobs is arguing, in favor of shit I want to argue against. they would give me 6000000000 citations from other marxist phds why institutional racism is real and hwytes have a big debt they need to repay.  and i would give a few citations from RACIST, DISCREDITED sources like kmac and uh……cant say dr duke or dr pierce obviously. maybe could say rushton or bell curve or the DNA guy watson. but they already think these people are horrible racists!

uhhh well what about putnam. he was a shitlib who didnt like the conclusions he was reaching, that Too Much Diversity was Bad!

but i didnt even read the book!

supposedly kmac became gradually more redpilled as he did his research and wrote his books. he didn’t want to become a racist but by the third book (CofC), he had arrived, like it or not.

maybe just give copies of CoC to these people hahahaha. let them read it and say, this is hwyte supremacist bullshit thats no better than david duke hahahaha.

and i havent even read all of CoC myself!!!!!!!! its too try and dense hahahahaha.

and doing a phd in ANYTHING requires reading TONS of dry and dense stuff.

this will ALWAYS be inherent to ANY phd. its not going away. so yeah i am leaning away from the phd like i always was.

i mean i always wished i were better at arguing. ive never liked it because ive never been good at it. and certainly my lack of confidence doesnt help. you HAVE to be CONFIDENT to be a good arguer.

and to be a right wing ACADEMIC, you have to be confident and bold as fook. just couldnt do it. so i hate that The University has become so goddamn left wing. i dont need to tell you who to blame for that.

otherwise it might have been a good career path for a smart young man hahahaha.

and i’ve always been interested in this stuff more than any STEM or science, unfortunately. that would have made things a hell of a lot easier too.

so, what should a super right wing person DO for a career?

become a huge capitalist businessman like trump obviously hahahaha.

but i didnt really luv business classes. but if i had gotten a business bachelors degree, prob could have gotten an Entry Level Business Job hahahahahaha. but i would prob hate it because i dont like the way businesses are run. in very jooish, dishonest ways. fuzzy exterior at best, and rotten to the core. exploitin the workin class hahahahahaha. cutting corners and treating human beings as objects to make money.

and NOW i’m talking like a FAR LEFTIST!!!!!!!!!

but i swear. I’m really a far rightist but with strong pro-working class views. so i guess i should go cup matt heimbach’s balls HAHAHAHAHAHA.

no i like, respect, and admire heimbach and should read his stuff more. we need more men like that in the university.

or anglin or weev. or even k1ke enoch hahahaha.

but i also would like to have some role models who are Crazy Hwyte Supremists, but just total damn normies.

this is where that first guy comes in. he teaches in a field that is pretty Apolitical. and he would probably be the most open to listening to Right Wing stuff than the other Decent People I work with.

HOWEVER, I do want to take advantage of the fact that I work with decent people, with great careers, who are Kinda Leftist, but not Ragist Marxists like a Sociology PHD or something, thank GOD, and jsut have normal conversations with them, build Real Relationships with them, so I can Use Them as references and help muh own career, hahahaha. i mean i would buy them dinner in return, and give them good work. but it just involves me being charismatic on a daily basis.

and im not charismatic. i just try to be nice and friendly and smile and ask smart questions and show i’m smart and have initiative. but today i had a chance to make Good Witty Small Talk and I blew it and there was an awkward silence. I could have asked the guy about ANYTHING. movies, his family, his masters degree. but I choked. I mean later in the day I interacted with him and was friendly and smiled and made Good Eye Contact and said Have A Good Weekend so I think I did OK there.

but I want to do BETTER than OK!!!! I have a lot of lost time to make up for! I’m in a hole and have to dig my way out! OK isnt good enough!!!!!

OH YEAH. another reason this is a topkek post: had a dream last night with THAT WOMAN. She looked a little slutty and was acting a little slutty. which was rough because she never looked or acted slutty around me, and i LIKED THAT A LOT.  I wonder if she DID look slutty around me, if that would have made it EASIER in the long run, to shatter my pedestal fiction image of her. probably!

and maybe she DID act and dress slutty around other guys, guys she wanted to FOOK.  black guys hahahahahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was dating a hwyte guy, who was tougher and more badass than me. dressing and acting kinda secsy towards him. I was all butthurt and remember yelling at her: “N1993R FOOKER! you dirty degenerate N199ER LOVER!!! you god damn fooking wh0re!!!!” which really did not look good for me. at that point I look like the butthurt bad guy.

then she responded with hostility, not suprisingly. said no you’re wrong, see i’m not even WITH a black guy, i just needed a real man, not a little bitch like you. and i was acting like a little bitch.

and in real life, i was never that hostile or hateful towards her. i would never say that to her. i was a little angry and hostile, but i was more sad and disappointed and crushed. i still dont think she was a degenerate wh0re. i think she’s a good person who was in a tough situation and took the easy way out. we’ve all done it. i was a little disgusted at some things she was alleged to have done, but not to the extent i was in the dream!

i still view it more with sadness and disappointment, rather than hateful hositility.

not that i had NO anger towards her.

then later in the dream she started attacking me and “my team” of men with a sharp meat cleaver. turning into a horror movie villian who wanted to chop us up. And I brought it all upon myself by being a mean butthurt bitch to her. which then somehow justified her attacking me with a meat cleaver.

so i was humiliated that i lost control and appeared so weak and butthurt in front of her.

and in real life yeah this did sorta happen. i HATED appearing weak and needy and clingy to her. making her push me away. i pushed her away by needing her so much.

but i never said anything like n1993r lover hahahaha. i just said pleeeeaassseeee hang out with me i miss being frinedsssssss with you and she said stop it stop it stop it! leave me alone!

not my finest hour and yeah i am ashamed of being so weak.

so the dream brought alot of that back up. and showed her being Secsy, towards a tougher manlier man. another hwyte man. so i couldnt even bring Race into it hehehehe.

it was a pretty disturbing unpleasant dream! but thankfully it didnt ruin my day, I was over it about 2 hours later, and ultimately had a Pretty Good Day because of seeing That Awesome Guy. totally outweighed the cons of me being Awkward with the coworker and awkward with the other Professional Woman. i wasnt even awkward with her, i just focused on my task. and let other people chit chat with her.

but my job is so low stress, its NORMAL for people to chit chat! i TOTALLY could have left my “work” for 2 minutes to chit chat with her about Her Interests, some of which where 180 to my own, but others which were……360 hahahaha. right dead on.

but she’s a mature educator, i don’t think she is constantly judging people as WEIRD and AWKWARD. she wants the best for her students for gods sakes. she has probably learned NOT to be judgmental to people for being awkward.

i mean MOST people, they WONT judge you for being awkward, they wont even NOTICE IT, BECAUSE ITS ALL IN YOUR FOOKING HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to make a pretty good day even better, theres this. oh GOD BLESS YOU LAD.

though i would have liked if he called them k1k3s rather than dinosaurs hahahaha.

see i wish mike had just been more like woes. at this point, i have more respect and faith and confidence in MW. I feel he is more honest, has more integrity. take the gay scandal. woes didnt blow it off and not talk about it. he made it perfectly clear that he did not support the gay agenda, that gayness was generally degenerate, and that he was glad to put his degen past in the past. he handled that VERY WELL so the people still bashing MW about it do indeed look like autistic shills. i wish mike had approached the JWife situation with similar openness.

i still technically support mike. he has done more good than i will EVER do. i’m just disappointed at how he handled this, which has lessened my faith in him a little. 10 to 20%. there was no such lessening of faith with MW.

heh i found george feels making a comment on another guys video where he HEAVILY suggests that he is JWise and that he listened to Dr Pierce in the god damn 1990s. WOW. i wish george would talk about this in his own videos. i think he will! i hope he does!!!! im being deliberately vague here because i dont want to push him before he’s ready. but i think he will be ready soon. i hope he keeps going down this road, it could help him, it helped me with similar problems. didnt fix them entirely, but it HELPED.

being part of something larger, and very very meaningful, and this holy thing is under attack. 1433 brothers hehehehe.

i listened to dr pierce in 2012 and it was pretty influential to me at that time. he had some GREAT content but his Activism was still VVN 1.0.  also i hear he wasnt the greatest father. SAD. but he could still redpill you on the JQ.

if anything it makes me want to talk to george more. i’ve messaged him briefly and gently encouraged him to look into this stuff…..and apparently he’s already pretty far in. GOOD! GREAT!!!

hopefully by the time this comes out in sept 2017 he will be moar forward about it.

wodensthrone curse – really good. think the second half is maybe stronger than the first! and thats always good. i was getting hair raising chills for like the last 10 minutes STRAIGHT. WELL DONE. i didnt think music could do that any more. that i couldnt get any joy or awe out of music. WODENSTHRONE.

good for george. good man. this increases my confidence in george. i was worried he was just gonna do the same thing for 5 years hahahaha. IMHO he needs to run with the racial stuff, but i wont push him to talk about it before he’s ready. i mean he is putting his actual FACE out there. and its more harmful to be doxxed for VVN than to be doxxed for neet loserness.

i am tempted to email him about this hahahaha but he might think i am a stalker. maybe i will email him in a couple months about it.

friday night, tom off, normally i would have been in bed 2 hours ago, now i am rocking out to WODENSTHRONE and really WRITING like an absolute madman. finally got some people at the card table to will do a little of that.

REALLY wish i had some MJ, AS DEGEN AS IT TRULY IS. that will be my damn VICE.  but on a night like this, i would stay up late, smokin MJ till 2 am hahahaha then crash to sleep a long solid unbroken dreamless refreshing sleep.

well the awesome guy accepted my linkedin invite same day and sent me a message asking for my email, i emailed him back with the info and Cupped The Cajones a little more, hahaha. unfortunately the sent email was formatted all weird so now he prob thinks i am an unemployable weirdo who needs more help than an Educator can provide, hahahahaha.

no i’ll buy him lunch if he wants, shit hes such a nice guy he would probably buy me lunch with his huge paycheck hahaha. i gently suggested to him he should write a book or do a youtube channel. shit maybe hes already written a book. probably a sizable minority of people we get have written books.

also today was inauguration day. did i mention that hahaha. trvmpenfuhrer is now no longer president elect, but full blown president. not bad. now watch him cuck for ZOG hahahahaha. but let us bitter fearful bigoted working class ammosexual trumpanzee hwytes have our brief moment of happiness hehehe.

i mean educated people treat you like youre IGNORANT if you say you dont believe nonwhites are OPPRESSED. period. oh you cant be SERIOUS. how can you not SEE the institutionalised racism! a person today was talking about “cultural capital” and yeah these sociology concepts are potentially useful, but they just take it to the wrongest conclusion.

i mean shit, maybe nonwhites ARE oppressed. but you wanna play that shitty game, you know who else is oppressed? HWYTES!!!! hahahaha. oppressed by J plutocrats and media masters and Globalist Banksters.

maybe my holy mission is to organize all goyim against the eternal international J hahaha. goyim here meaning whites and blacks and browns.

maybe i will get banned for even using the word g0yim hehehe. stupid g0yim. the G0YIM KNOW, SHUT IT DOWN!

what if i lived in the UK where they have no freedom of speech? dont tons of UK people use wordpress????

listen man i’m not inciting anything and i don’t HATE anybody. this is not a rabid hate channel hahahahaha. and these scumbags still went after MW. so glad he came back with his new video saying FOAD you scum.

 

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WHY CANT MORE WOMEN THINK SLVTTISHNESS IS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS

jan 5 new current year

just getting ready for the day. 656 am. i could PROBABLY sleep in an extra 15 minutes. maybe i will eventually do that. but i like having this buffer of time to write a few sentences, check email, and, of course, go make explosive coffee water #2’s like i am about to do right now.

ok did that. i mean its really quick.

anyway yeah my main issue now, and i didnt really have this at the previous job because that job was so stressful and packed that we really never had a chance to talk about anything not job related, we were all just trying to survive day to day. but now that the pace is a little slower THANK GOD, i am pressuring myself to be more social and charismatic and normie.

i mean i will take this new problem ANY DAY over what I faced before. im not complaining haahahha. well i kind of am. but never forget, that in comparison, it is not even 1% as bad altogether. i get a 99% reduction in stress and panic and thats The End Of The Story.

spent like an hour responding to a Support Ticket today that in my previous job, would have been expected to knock out in 20, or better 10 minutes. it doesnt matter if you dont know the answer. find the answer and answer it within 10 minutes. I laboriously wrote an email like the sloth. included Too Much Information and Misinformation. and I probably didnt even need to do ANYTHING, because someone else would be in in the afternoon that knew a lot more about the topic. an SME. but i was determined to Do Something and Add Value and figure out how to use the ticket system better. So I took a shot at it and hopefully superiors say good for him to try this, rather than, oh shit what a stupid fookup, i wish we could fire him, but he’s in the union grrrrrr. he totally did this wrong. gave the person bad advice, poorly written, and used the program in more wrong ways than we could imagine hehehehe.

anyway i did ok i guess. give myself a little more crrrrredit hahaha. had a paltry two customers in today and tried to act like a nice normie to them. painfully awkward small talk. jeez. for a while, i used to be GOOD at this. at my previous job. after i talked to people ALL DARN DAY i got pretty good at small talk. wish the learning curve wasnt that rough. because i cant handle talking to people ALL DARN DAY….well, when its complicated complex shit. and what im doing now is nowhere near as complex. it can get complex, but there are SEVERAL SME’s with Masters Degrees just waiting to Yank the Case from me. Aint No Need to BEG like I did before!

the beotch in the comments is half good and half bad. she says that she is automatically suspicious of anyone who talks of a BEST friend who is opposite sexs,usu means you are in luv with them. i would tend to agree! i guess you can have normal acquaintance friends of the opposite secx, but once you upgrade them to BEST friends or really really really close top tier friends….you are at big risk of getting FEELINGS for them. because of the INTIMACY.

i hate how wimmin dont think SEX is INTIMATE. god damn fooking SAVAGES.

well at least got under in calories today.

would LUV some MJ hahahaha.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=small%20talk%20for%20socially%20awkward%20people

i dont HATE small talk. i totally understand the idea of and why small talk is important. i would like to be able to DO small talk! any stupid autist who says small talk is retarded…..well thats a very immature and stupid thing to say. small talk is the basis of everything. big talk. relationships. success. friends. luvers. showing that you have charisma and confidence and that you are a smart cool charming person and worth hanging out with. or you can faily miserably and show what a boring, awkward, desperate, pathetic omega neet virgin you are hahahahahaha. this is all accomplished on the battlefield of small talk. small talk is ridiculously important and big hahahaha. i totally get that.

so yeah i luv the idea of small talk. i hate trying to do it and failing at something so important.

well this job will def be another big step in getting over that woman. makes it more and more distant. but damn i wish i hadnt been so pathetic and stupid and Creepy. wish id been stronger and cooler and not so desperate and needy and clingy.

so apparently you cant just walk into a store and buy MJ in california nao.

i guess i could tell people that i am interested in Relships and read Relship Advice stories a lot. because I honestly DO! this is kinda weird but its prob my most normie interest. i mean, cant talk to people about WN1488, Alt Right, or Black Metal. talking about RELSHIPS sounds completely reasonable and normie next to all that. and I could work in some spin on how casual secs is degenerate and sinful and disgusting.

women can be awkward and it doesnt hurt them, they can still gets jobs and relships. men and women are probably about equally socially awkward, but theres DISPARATE IMPACT on the men.

anyway. re that woman. yeah now that i think about it, a series of long conversations probably wouldnt have done much good. what WOULD have done some good is me making a BRIEF statement EARLY, like: yep i’m starting to act weird and want to hang out all the time becuase i’m starting to get feelings for you. This is getting hard for me to deal with and I don’t mean to Ghost you, but just do me a solid and give me some time and space, because I dont think you feel the same way, and I need some space to get over my feelings for you. Sorry. Best Wishes in life. You are a good person and I don’t mean to dump you. But this is hard for me and it needs a lot of effort from me. Think of a time when you got feelings for a guy friend and he didn’t return them. It was challenging, wasn’t it. The end.”

even that’s a little too long. and then if she did have feelings, she could respond to that. hahahahaha. so yeah. clearly she thought i was the entitled nice guy and was dreading the dreadful conversation where i tried to BEG her to be with me and tell her why she was WRONG when she said she didnt want me. and she didnt want to put up with that.

i mean i was already BEGGING her to respond. why wouldnt i BEG her to reconsider or change her mind or pleeeeease luvvvvv me back. the torture of hours of me begging.

yeah well i didnt even get a chance. thats the point. maybe i would have been mature about it. but desperate luv compromises your maturity. shit.

but yeah. i coulda and SHOULD HAVE finished all this with one SHORT email in december 2014. rip the bandaid off. sorry babe but I like like you. i obv need to get over that because you dont return the feelings. so i have to take a break from this friendship. i dont want to leave you in the lurch so let me know if i can pay an early termination fee or something. reddit said this can hurt for the friend to get friend dumped, so tell me what i can do to make this easier for you. though i promise you its a LOT harder for ME hahahahahahaha because my heart is utterly broken now and I might fall off the wagon and start doing heron again and K myself hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

why would i even LOOK at tinder. its full of sluts who think casual sex is OK. fundamental incompatibility of Core Moral Values.

i want to meet women who think sluts are gross and being a slut is gross. i want to meet women who JUDGE sluts. negatively.

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE JUDGE SLUTS NEGATIVELY. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK SLUTTISHNESS IS OK. DAMN. WHY CANT MORE PEOPLE, ESP WOMEN, JUST THINK ITS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS.

and why are these damn sluts such successful ADULTS. good normie ADULTS. good at college, good at career, people dont think theyre WEIRD, they LEARN shit and UNDERSTAND shit and can EXPLAIN shit. really get deep into blooms taxonomy of learning hahahaha. learn something deeply. you dont learn something until you can teach it to someone else. those who can’t do, teach HAHAHAHAHAHA.

some people say, dont do a masters degree unless you’re passionate and absolutely sure about it. dont half ass it, or use it as a stopgap because you dont know what else to do, you will waste too much money for too little return.

i tend to like this school of thought.

but then there the other side, which is like, we all need to pay our dues and do things that are tough and expensive and struggle in the medium term of 4 years or so, so things pay off 5, 10 years later. the day comes where you put away your childish toys, put on your big boy pants, and accept that you have to go to work for a living, and spent 80% of your waking hours doing things you dont really WANT to do, that you arent really PASSIONATE about, so you might as well maximize this by doing something that will pay off in the long run.

well, i had enough trouble going to college in a state of welp, i dont know what to do, but i got good grades in high school and i’m expected to go to college. so just pay your dues, get the extremely expensive piece of paper, and then you’ll be set.

but that was all lies hahahaha. so now the goalposts are moved? and i should go into GRADUATE school with the same mindset?

yeah but its a lot different getting into grad school than getting into undergrad. i did great in high school and got into a good undergrad without really much effort or maturity or planning. i did completely average in undergrad and could not see myself getting into an above average grad school without totally busting my ass in a go-getting, gung-ho, high-energy way that i have NEVER been.

and it doesnt seem WORF IT to pay shitloads of money to go to an average or below-average grad program, just to treat it as College 2.0 for when College is the New High School and Grad School is the new College and i hate the whole scam system anyway!

but in life you gotta SUCK IT UP and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

and why dont NORMIES have such a god damn internal conflict about it? they just go ahead and work hard and GIT R DONE.

heh. i wish i had a Career Coach ever since I was 16, staying on my ass and saying you need to do this, you need to do that.

now some people, their families do that. the chinee high expectations father. you can become doctor or engineer. get your masters degree or youre out of the family. i didnt have that at all, i was SPOILED.

cuz i didnt WANT to do anything. i needed to be trained with the carrot and the stick. left to my own devices in College, i totally went astray. a strong guiding hand, a foot being put down, that prob would have helped me in the long run. classic first world problems of being first in the fam to go to college hehehe. and of course i didnt appreciate that privilege at all. damn.

if i had to go to college, should have gone to local uni and stayed at home so the fam could have kept me in line, from doing stupid shit like MJ and alcohol.

but i still did MJ and alcohol when i was at home! i just hid it really well. i either would have gotten a DUI much earlier (which prob would have been GOOD), and probably did a bit less MJ, which DEF would have been good. definitely would have seen less of those crazy women doing crazy shit, which would have been good.

i dunno. alternate realities and what ifs and all that. i mean i still went crazy over women when being at home.

but yeah. ive never liked SCHOOL, and ive never liked WORK, and doing EITHER is PULLING TEETH.

See those normies? GOALS.

Goals are important. Goals are A Thing. See what happens when you have goals? You should have goals. Get Goals. Goals. Just Achieve Them.

all of education is fooked up. from grade school to grad school. serious fundamental problems with ALL of it.

heh. there should be homeschool grad school.

but you dont NEED grad school!!!!

well grad school is just perfect for some people! they are total grad school nerds! they clearly belong there!

i couldnt see myself getting in just because i couldnt see myself getting convincing recommendations and statement of intent. uhhh i want to get into grad school because i cant get a 26k FT job with a bachelors degree, so i’m really just treating this as high school 3.0. i fookin hate school but this is the bare minimum for being lower middle class in 2000s.

I would MUCH RATHER Just Work A Job. An Entry Level, 25k a year job, than go to god damn grad school. not that i have a good shot at getting into grad school ANYWAY! I have a better chance at getting the 25k a year job! and weve seen how fooking ridiculously godforsakenly hard THAT is! maybe it IS easier getting into a masters degree at a shitty noname school! MBA at phoenix!

yeah but i dont WANT to do an MBA, i would rather do a masters in relationship and despair counseling. which is an inherently useless degree! catch 22 here. quite the dilemma. and i dont want to be a social worker working with welfare blacks for a contractor with the city of oakland or the city of ferguson or something.

although its funny. today one of my “customers” was a black guy with an mba and I tried to make small talk with him. he was much better at it than me, but i am at least trying to be nice folks, i swear. but i cant talk about sports or anything. i cant tell this black guy that i am a trump supporting hwyte nationalist racist hahahaha. i nervously mentioned my interest in “news and current events”, which is FAIR…..BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE TAKE THAT BAIT and try to get you talking about TRVMP??????

well shit, this guy could actually BE a trump supporter, he seems to be a rather moderate, conservative, white acting, oreo black. almost like he is now overcompensating to not talk like a black, he is very well spoken, great speaking voice. he even made jokes about the HR diversity sensitivity training we had to do about trannies and shit hahahahahaha. i laughed and said yeah I hear ya man. well we didnt talk specifically about trannies. or have a frank conversation on race hahahahahaha.

see i dont hate blacks hahahaha. i just had an awkward conversation with a grad school educated black man hahahaha.

also all these people have experience giving lectures and discussions in front of groups of people. they have done that hundreds of times. there is no possible argument that this is not a GREAT life skill.

i would be dropping the spaghetti all over the place. oh now im the TEACHER and my STUDENTS are gonna think im an IDIOT. i never wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a teacher even LESS, hahahahaha.

shit i can barely be a STUDENT. I can barely be a 13k a year EMPLOYEE. I cant even be a bare minimum ADULT. hahahahaha. I fooked up on easy mode, cant even deal with NORMIE MODE, hahahahaha.

funny all this goddamn self doubt even though now i am damn WORKING and that is an INFINITE improvement over where i was 2 months ago. why not just be happy about that.

went all in with AA, guy beat me with full house. sheeeeeeit.

heh. wonder what that woman is doing with her life right now. i know she got a job similar to what we were doing. probably making similar or more money, maybe higher up, def lots of hours, def lot more money than me, def making literally TWICE the money I am making. well shell have plenty of money to spend on her black bastard then hahahahahahahahahahahaha wawawawawawawawawawawa im so sad and lonely and want her back and will never get over her, muh perfect waifu hhahahahaha.

yeah i am playing things up a bit. but for a long time thats how bad it was. bad shit. wouldnt wish on worst enemy.

i guess its worse when i am working alongside 20 year old kids and they are all going to college, yup working on muh engin degree or nursing degree or HR degree, and then they graduate and get a 28k a year job, while you remain at the kid student job. at least here i dont have any young kids beside me being a constant reminder of what an old failure i am hahahahahahaha.

HUHWHYTE FEVER, HUHWHYTE FEVER, WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT

dec 22

what is SO IMPORTANT to you means NOTHING to them.

you feel close to them because you text them every day and they respond. big fookin deal. they spend all day texting 900000000000000 guys a day every day. nothing special there.

so you fooked them and now youre getting feelings and want to spend moar time with them. nothing special there, she’s fooked 90000000 guys and it means nothing, its just fooking, just secs.

so youve known her for years and you think thats special, big deal, she’s known a LOT of people for years, you’re nothing special.

but yeah. she was the ONLY person I texted almost every day. i had no desire to text anyone else every day. now i didnt text her 90000000 times a day, but just a couple times a day, and took some days off if i felt she was getting overwhelmed. and 90% of the time, she responded to me like she WASNT getting irritated or overwhelmed. So we continued texting on 80% of days. and that meant something to me because i didnt do that with ANYONE else. And I havent done that with anyone else since things ended with her.

so for you, the texting every day relationship might feel special, but for them, its no big deal, its something they can just throw away.

saw a 45 to 50 year old woman in the office next to mine and i was like hmmm damn look what she’s wearing, she has got quite the body on her for an older woman. i think i would definitely enjoy banging her hahahaha. stalk her briefly on the internet and find she is 51 years old. thats a first hahahaha. well, she looks very good for that age! seriously!

no, i dont have a THING for “MILFS.” shit yes i do prefer younger women to older women. but its just rare that you see an older woman with a good body. most women become fat and or blown out in general hehehehe.

but yeah. i just hate how every experience with a woman that was so important and meaningful to ME, was not important at all to them. everything is casual. casual secs, casual rels, casual lives, casual deaths, casual murder, casual people, casual friends, casual family, casual lovers, casual husbandos, casual children. doesnt anything mean anything to them? yep the big tuff alpha negatives they fall in luv with and would sell out their family and children for.

that feel when you jerk off thinking about banging a 50 year old woman. feels weird man hahahahaha.

hey this is probably the best way you can have purely recreational, casual secs, by banging a woman who is not fertile.

sheeeeit. i find that my writing is not as good as I want it to be. I think its mainly a matter of just being rusty, because i dont write Business Communications every day, well, i hadn’t been. so switching to the intentionally shitty writing i do every day here, well, intentionally lazy low effort I should say, to the high effort, concise, smart sounding writing I have to do when writing emails to people with masters degrees and phd’s, i mean thats a challenge. which i should not give up on.

for example the email I was suggested to write to some software users 2 weeks ago, eventually made it to the CIO, phd of the organization, as he recommends a pilot program for some staff. so the new guy with really rusty writing is trying to craft an email to experienced people, and it eventually gets to a phd who has been in a highass higher up position for 10 years. who has the power to tell my manager, himself an accomplished, educated, impressive professional, wtf were you thinking hiring this idiot who cant even write a coherent sentence. does he have emotional problems? was he out of a job for 15 months or some shit? is he a 35 year old neet virgin? he sure writes like one! hahahahaha.

see, another RAFT of DISTORTIONS. illogical thinking. i think people can TELL shit about me, when they really CANT. i think they are sitting here putting me under a microscope and judging me, when tbh they dont have the TIME.

well, some of them DO have the TIME. but they’d rather be flirting understandably, with the hawt milf admin assistants hahahahaha and banging a 45 year old womans tits in the storage closet hahahahahahhahahaha. maybe looking at webcam gurls from their work computerz hahahaha.

no the people in my org are on average really good people. i’ve been AMAZED at all the nice, decent, good, friendly, outgoing, genuinely good, non-sneaky people i’ve met here. the place seems to attract good people. big part of why i would luv a FT Career Job there.

even the higher ups are nice. maybe they do sleazy things in their office but they are nice to me and thats all i really care about when i am on the job. i mean i am just trying to survive one day at a time hahahaha. not that that is NEARLY as hard and grueling as it was at muh previous job. i mean theres an actual risk of me sitting there BORED with NOTHING TO DO. I cant even COMPREHEND this. that gives me a new sense of weirdness and anxiety. but its much much much better than the anxiety of answering phones all day and oh god i dont know what to do or what to say or how im gonna get out of this mess!!!! and muh relship with one of muh closest friends is going down in flames and shes sitting right there handling this shit just fine and not talking to me!

so yeah i will take care not to fall in luv with any of the women at muh new job hehehehe. probably should try not to bang the 50 year old woman in the supply closet hahahahahaha. but shit. you cant fall in LUV with a 50 year old woman, i dont care WHO you are.

but yeah like i say, i already have years of experience in this org, its a large 600+ employee org and i guess the culture is just really good, i like it, wouldnt LUV getting a FT career here until I am 65 hahahaha. i have worked in 2 departments here and interacted with people from even more departments and they are always nice and friendly and good decent good faith people. all the managers and supervisors have been decent non-scamming, straight shooting, respectable, accountable people. i appreciate that.

i never should have left 3 years ago. i got along with That Woman so well, we started talking naturally about jobs, she found a place that was hiring a bunch of people, we both got in, over the long term she toughed it out, and i gave up hehehehe. no i dont BLAME her for getting me that job…..im just saying if i never met her, i never would have gotten the job, and i never would have left the job i didnt really want to leave. but i NEEDED to leave it. at the time i felt it was a sign from GOD that he put my lovely friend in my life to help me break out of my Comfort Zone. hehehehehe.

so yeah i dont BLAME her for any of that. but i do regret taking that job and i do regret meeting her. but i dont hate her or blame her. just saying she was a net negative for me hahahaha. great highs but even greater lows. it was just a sad sad sad situation and i really didnt need that. but it wasnt her FAULT. she didnt do it intentionally. it was just a perfect shitstorm. when you are a lonely old man and you get along so well with a Lovely Young Woman. its a greek tragedy waiting to happen. and boy did it ever. holy shit. i did not respond to that challenge well.

so i work with nothing but very educated, very nice, very experienced, very professional people. its RIDICULOUS. these degrees these people have, I dont even know what they are. EdS degree. good lord. like this woman who essentially works next to me all day. when i think about her career and education and accomplishments I get damn INTIMIDATED!  yeah i talk mad shit about career women with their masters degrees, but this woman is honestly SMART AF! not like the chattering “flibbertigibbets” uncle bern talks about where he rightfully wonders, how do these idiots have graduate degrees. not so with the people i work with. like this WOMAN. I am kinda glad to meet a WOMAN like this. it proves to me on a daily basis that women actually CAN be smart and mature and reasonable and rational and logical and smart.

anyway i didnt want to pry but i gently got her talking about her family, because i am always interested in peoples personal lives, unlike uncle bern hahahaha. i will gossip about people’s families and wives and children all day. so turns out her daughter, who is probably 8 to 10 years younger than me, is making over 70 grand a year in a very in-demand field. she will never have a problem finding a very good paying job anywhere in the world. she went to a very selective, very well regarded university, albeit a very expensive private one, i guess taking on a decent amount of debt because this is prob the most expensive college in the state. but her gamble paid off because now she is making 70k a year at age 23, 24, 25. real high achiever. started a competitive, accelerated masters degree program within weeks of graduating undergrad. had masters degree less than a year later. had job offers before finishing that. was making fooktons more money at age 22,23 than i ever will in my whole life……and i went to a selective, competitive undergrad univ too! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she got married around the age of 25 too! not riding the cok carousel too much despite being a very successful very young career woman!

so i said wow, good for her, she played her cards very well, you should be proud of her. i didn’t harp on how i was such a loser who could have been a contender. i tried to sound intelligent talking about colleges and grad schools and companies and industries and trends hehehehe. tried to talk like somebody who coulda been a grad school contender.

i mean i HATE grad school but the way this womans daughter did it, i am in favor of that: in demand fields, competitive programs, etc. exactly the type of shit I could never get into….but could have i hadn’t royally screwed up by being a fookin basket case in Uni. Peaked in high school, crashed and burned in Uni. This is what happens folks. but if you don’t crash, you can KEEP peaking past uni, past grad school, and peak in your damn 40s or 50s when you move from being a damn executive, to starting your own company and being the CEO President and hiring people from harvard to be your executives. which is the path this young woman is on. which i could have been on.

but, right now, I just dont want what I can get. and with good reason IMHO. paying 50 grand for a shit tier MBA-like degree that has a 50% chance of getting a 40k a year job……or if you are an underachiever without great social skills or high confidence or high energy or a great attitude or a great work ethic………. it wont get you anything.

and i see whcih of those groups i fall into and im like FOOK THIS SHIT, this is a losing bet for me, 50 grand saved is 50 grand earned, especially then the bet isnt gonna bring anything back for me over the long term.

so if i can make as much money without a masters degree as with one, then i might as well start trying to make that money right. hehehehe. and that has been a struggle of course. to make more than high school graduate money hehehe.

shit i mean if the people i work with NOW, PUSHED me to do a masters degree, they might be able to convince me. i mean i’m not ruling it out entirely. i never have. i am just skeptical as FOOK. you have to make a REALLY good argument to me. and really ive never been in the position to have people make that argument to me, until NOW.

theres this one woman at the new job who is super duper ridiculously nice to me……and that is exactly the type of thing i should try to take advantage of. she may want the D hahahaha. she is like 55 years old and not really a bangable 55 hahahaha, but she is not obese and not really ugly, and I KNOW she was prob a solid 8/10 when she was 25 hahahahahahaha.  anyway yeah i should get HER to write me a letter of recommendation, get HER to be a reference, buy HER lunches and dinners, anyway she says I am VERY SMART and she’s got a masters degree from a Good, Well-Known School hehehehe. which i will not name because doxing. but people have HEARD of this school.

so yeah when someone with a masterz degree from stanford says I Am Very Smart, I Blush with Pride hahahaha, i dont even care if they have a Schoolgirl Crush on me. I will TAKE that compliment hahaha. no they didn’t go to STANFORD, the place was a little worse than that hahahaha.

I SWEAR IM NOT AN IDIOT……..OR AM I??????? hehehehe. The way to muh heart is to reassure me that I am SMART. cuz I HATE feeling like a 101 IQ moron.

anyway she has a daughter who is probably a successful professional as well. who is probably AROUND my age, maybe a little younger hahahaha. working with people who have children who are a little younger than you, and WAY more successful than you, hahahaha. weird feel man.

i mean yeah at this point i will TAKE peoples patronizing pity. its better than NOTHING hahahahahahahaha.

and they are really not too patronizing or pitiful about it, they seem genuinely NICE! and i appreciate niceness. I try to BE that nice.

i just dont want to be too LAZY and too AFRAID to take action to pay it forward, like to buy people lunch and be outgoing and giving and talk to people. because this is a great OPPORTUNITY and i dont want to BLOW it. i have a habit of BLOWING OPPORTUNITIES. and giving up when the going gets tough. and here the going wont be getting too tough thank GOD.

and sometimes it seems UNFAIR that really this job is SO EASY and so low stress, while there are people out there getting fookin thrown the wolves. so i gotta approach that by being thankful and by paying it back/forward/whatever, by being a Really Nice Guy and SHOWING that to people, and not being too AFRAID to actually do that. bring in fookin donuts every day. do favors for people. buy fookin top shelf coffee and keurigs. buy gifts for people.

dec 23

this fookin guy just followed me on youtube who says he is alt left, and his ideal is white male asian female pairings. i guess he’s a white guy who believes the perfect race should be bred by white men with asian women. and he is NOT joking. WOW. I mean WMAF specifically grinds muh gears, I am VERY anti-yellow-fever. I only have HUHWHYTE FEVER. song parody of bee gees song hahahaha.

he has paired up with robert stark who i used to listen to regularly in 2012, 2013, then he disappeared, then he came back. he was never blatantly alt right but also had really interesting guests and is truly a Fair and Balanced journalist. he has WNs and Alt Right people on and doesnt judge them and i think he is probably redpilled on JQ. but i want him to have more of a personal opinion hehehe. he also sorta nnnnnnnoticed me sempai on my previous blog, so that HAD to be around 2012 or 13 at the latest. i mean he’s been around for a while and does quality work. but his new cohost is this weirdass asian lover, and i dont like that hahahaha. its not even strictly degenerate, its fookin WEIRD and disturbing and IMHO, Race Treason. but i will forgive a guy if he repents!

day before xmas eve. went to supermarket and it was the most packed i had ever seen it. had to buy some containers or boxes to wrap small presents in. also wanted to buy some fancy coffee to reward myself hahahaha. bought some sumatra organic coffee. i buy organic coffee to treat muhself. it is pretty good. not sure if as overwhelminingly good as I hoped, but its good.

last night felt the urge to crack open “THE CULTURE OF CRITIQUE” by stefan molyneux HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and give it another try. it is a ridiculously dense book and honestly kind of dry unfortunately. its not a ripping page turner like you would want. there really should be a CoC for Dummies. i mean it takes a lot of effort and agency to read 1 page even. but its an IMPORTANT book, everyone should have a copy, and you should buy 20 copies for xmas and give it to your friends and family. should be required reading in all schools. you dont need to read it all at once. just have it in your house so when you want to read it, its there for you. buy copies to give to all the area libraries.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/muh-top-tier-topkek-poasts/

added this new link to sidebar, decided I needed to have a page of all my better poasts, the top 5% or so. that when i go back and reread it i say, yep, thats one of the better ones. this is where i will collect them. is was yesterdays post that was a good one and made me say, hmm, i have to start organizing these for the readers hehehehe. or at least for myself hahaahaha.

went to social game yesterday and the suburban tavern was PACKED with more young qt gurls than i have seen in years. i think it was The Middle Class Gurls are Home From College for the Holidays. see, some of the cutest gurls Go Away to College and start riding the cock carousel, and i never see them, because they are segregated away in the college towns, and i def do not live in a college town! i used to when i went to college in a college town, and i can ASSURE you, there was a RIDICULOUS number of qt young gurls there, because they are taken OUT OF the Real World and put in these damn colleges to be sluts, and that is DEPLORABLE. They SHOULD be in the Real World. because these are REAL WOMEN, and it also PROVES the feminists and marxists are jooish liars when they say men have unrealistic standards of beauty for women. BELIEVE ME. there was like 10 girls in this tavern who surpassed unrealistic standards for female beauty then. i mean an 8/10 qualifies as Drop Dead Gorgeous. I mean these women are SO ATTRACTIVE i don’t even really WANT them. I just laugh and say, no im not missing out on anything, those women are SO above my league I know I dont even have a chance. And I am not bitter or butthurt about it. but i am kinda butthurt about not seizing the opportunity when I was that age and going to college in a college town FILLLLLLLLLLLED with young BEAUTIFUL girls!!!! hell NO i never even STARTED getting it out of muh system!

i am actually MORE interested in the young women who Arent Perfect Beauties, who have something Off about them. That Woman would be a good example. Compared to these Topkek Beauties, she was more of an Ugly Duckling, but that was MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH for me.

but yeah. you want to see “unattainable” beauty? just go to any large college town and look at all those beautiful 18-21 year old girls! you will find THOUSANDS of them in every state in the union! it’s not a hollywood and new york only thing! you will find THOUSANDS of them at University of KANSAS!!!!!!!!! I DARE you to even TRY to prove me wrong.

and this is mother nature making even AVERAGE women ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS at this time in their lives. 18-21. so they can pull a great man and start having many healthy children with him. instead they go to college to ride the cock carousel, get indoctrinated, and prepare for a life of career worship, cats, and moar cock carousel. DEPLORABLE.

basically there are SHITLOADS of BEAUTIFUL young women out there, which actually makes me optimistic, in that if ANY of these women were hanging out with me, showing interest in me, and being loyal to me, and wanted to be muh gf basically, i would FORGET THAT WOMAN EVER EXISTED. there are MANY women out there who could REPLACE and ERASE her PERMANENTLY and make me forget I ever knew her. that are BETTER than her in EVERY way. there are TONS of possible women in Suburban Trvmp Country USA who would wipe the floor with That Woman.

Just go to a Tavern in a Middle Class Whitish Neighborhood on Xmas Break.

and before you had Jooniversities, these women would just be remaining in their hometowns where they belong instead of being physically removed, turned into sluts, then moving to cities to be even bigger sluts.

of course, i mean these girls were SO qt that i wouldnt CARE if they had been with 20 guys by age 20. well, i WOULD care if I were trying to Date Them. and after banging them, i would inevitably want to date them, and they would inevitably dump me.

just go to a large uni for engineering, do your first 2 years (or more!) at community college, then when you first arrive on campus as a 20 year old junior, go to parties and social events, don’t drink, and try to pick up innocent looking 18 year old freshman gurls. there are still plenty of VIRGIN GURLS out there. find an 18 year old virgin and she will luv you because you are her FURST, and then marry her and give her many children, make lots of money in your stem career, give it to your beautiful large huhwhyte family, and live happily ever after. LITERALLY. and your wife will always luv you and be loyal, because you are her FURST, ideally she would be your FURST too, and she’s DEFINITELY not gonna leave you if you are successful and make good money. live happily ever after. the end. and then your many huhwhyte children grow up to be successful and have large huhwhyte families like you did. can you even IMAGINE a more beautiful thing?

and people actually DO this! this isnt an unrealistic, unreasonable goal like becoming president or becoming a pro sportsball aflete or becoming a rapper.

heh. THAT WOMAN was an 18 or 19 year old virgin when she committed to her original boifran. she was loyal to him and worked to improve the rel when it got rough. she didnt bail out or throw him away. heh. of course then i wished I could have been her First Luv and have her show that loyalty and effort and hard work and luv and commitment and devotion to ME. and kinda jelly of that guy. what a PRIVILEGE to have an 18 year old virgin gurl LUV you and be COMMITTED to you. many of us will never know that feel hehehehehe. the best you will get is some MERCENARY who gives you her body for a MINUTE and you NEVER FORGET IT and she forgets you after a minute. cuz it means nothing to her, and means a lot to you. ya omega neet virgin hehehehe.

good morning huhwhyte america with adam and mary is now taking bitcoin dnations hehehe. shut up and take muh money.jpg hhahahahahaha. they are wholesome and comfy AF. and assholes like varg and sinead would give them shit for being CHRISTCUCKS hahahahahaha. uh oh, then they are jooish shills by definition hahahaha.

 

BABOON BRAINFRAME

dec 18

finished chapin book. if i weren’t already a LIFELONG FAN, it probably wouldnt convince me of anything, i wouldnt like the book, i mean it was a pretty flawed book with its kinda rough writing style, missing important points, or maybe that was just him leaving the reader wanting more. i mean if he wants to self publish short books every year, ill damn buy them! MGHOW was worth it for telling personal stories which he never used to tell in his videos (when i used to watch ALL his videos at least.) dirty degen details of his secs life, the women he dated.

now, i want to know more about his ex WIFE. in this book he also talked for about 1 page about going to grad skool and becoming a Skool Psychologist. I would like a whole chapter or book on that.

he mentions his mother was a clinical psych for 30 years and had a practice where she largely had Neurotic Career Women as clients. His Mother Knows Women.

This is HUGELY interesting and Uncle Bern should write a book on women with his MOTHER. He needs to talk about his Based Mother a lot more and how she helped him understand women.

maybe involve his mother or sister in his videos or books. especially the mother. i know she is still alive and he talks to her regularly. She sounds like a Red Pilled Woman who Bern actually respects and with good reason.

i am considering writing a review on the amazon page. i know Bern really appreciates that. i might identify the review with muh alt right username. which I am NOT using on this page because even though this page talks about alt right a lot……..i still dont want to come out to the alt right as saying i am the alt right NEET OMEGA LOSER who writes the alt right neet omega loser blog whining about women and being a neet loser.

i mean haters could probably put two and two together, but i dont want to give it to them on a silver platter! i mean they could definitely do it.no doubt. im talking about my alt right nonneet username being connected with my alt right neet username here. never does muh real life identity being doxxed enter in. of COURSHE i have opsec of the utmost priority on that.

going to go for powerwalk at 1pm today. sunday. sunny but cold. need to use boots hehehe.

made 5 ovenburgers on today sunday. put them into little baggies with cheese and buns and put them in freezer. good 2 go.

did 1 load of laundry. medium sized. shirts and pants for job. done.

yesterday did 1 load of laundry too. drawz and socks and hats and gloves and dark stuff.

previous day did 1 medium load of laundry, all white t shirts only.

yesterday made 20 cigarets. trying to do that every saturday night. make 20 cigarets even if i only smoke 10 during the week. then put the 10 into a separate bag. i like having a big bag o cigarets in case i run out of pre rolleds.

also smokin 10 cigarets a week is not bad.

Bone Zone SHUT DOWN from youtube! i knew it would happen but that was less than 1 month. wow just wow.

I mean i always kinda liked ghoul, thought he was a little hard to listen to, but once he showed his handsome face i liked him 148800000000 times more. spent 25 bucks to buy his tshirt. he is a good goi, dindu nuffin.

1.4 mile powerwalk in snow. 20 degrees. not bad. i will go outside when its 20. not so much when it is 10. and it has been closer to 10 for a while.

took a benedryl at about 1:30pm to force myself to go to bed early tonight, get up.

emily youcis was a real degenerate, smokin MJ on camera, wearing incredibly skanky clothes on camera with her tits and ass hanging out, being a singer in a punk band. you KNOW she has done some degen shit during that time. drinkin, smokin, fookin the dirtiest randoms raw dog, taking it up the ass by guys she just met.

but i still accept her because when you come out as pro-white, using your real name, you are pretty much recanting your degen past, because everyone will turn against you. you will lose friends and fans. you will find out who your real friends and fans are.

i guess a similar thing could be said for evalion….but she didnt use her real name. well, her real FIRST name she did use. and then within 6 months her real last name was out there. but not sure what she is doing.

i would give evalion 1 dollar a month if she wasnt buddy buddy with sinead and they didnt call mill woes a degen phaggot. god damn. MILO is a degen phaggot. or prob jack donovan. but mill woes has repented for his gay past! and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this gay past is very very minimal. like evalion or sinead never did degenerate shit. they did more degen shit than MW. pot and the fookin kettle here. i am willing to forgive both women, but they make that hard to do when they attack one of my favorite guys. these people usu are the same who hate andrew anglin and TRS and spencer too. its so stupid. they were the ones who started this stupid infighting. and they are usually k1ke on a stick christian haters too. hmmmmm. also are purity spiral as fook. i dont like that varg seems to be closer to these guys. but we are a bunch of degen, k1ke enablers, phag enablers, degen, milo luvers.

heh. i wonder which side emily will gravitate towards. the dramatic women side, or the less dramatic phag joo shill side hahaha.

i dunno. i just think that a guy who had one gay experience, says ok, got it out of my system, i dont like that, is less degen than a woman who has 6 gorillion casual straight experiences!

like casual degen gay sex just seems more honest and transparent about its degeneracy, ie, there’s absolutely no other reason to have this except for degen gay hedonistic pleasure. there is no way this could ever create new life. it was never even on the table. you don’t have to take steps to prevent it. it just cant happen.

so yeah its inherently perverted….but i think equally perverted is using Birth Control so much and having So Much Recreational Sex, that you FORGET that this is the process that creates life!

dec 19

heh. spent hours at home doing a job related project because i was slightly ashamed about not finishing it by the time i left. dont want to disappoint the team. so i finished it at home. i dont want to do this every single day but i did really want to finish this before tomorrow morning. and i did. i mean i had to Streamline My Process because I had never done any of this before so it was slow going. at least now i could do it faster if needed. and i made some super in depth documentation. they might not appreciate all the details. too much they’ll say! well ok i’ll scale it back in the future. had a very relaxed stress free day today, including a 2 hour meeting that was more like a training class. didnt need to impress anyone or explain shit or sell shit. but i got more actual work done at home than i did while i was there.

office holiday lunch tomorrow, i was going to use today to prepare my witty banter, and failed to do that!

was so cold today could not do more than a 15 minute powerwalk.

still kind of sound like an autistic, spaghetti pockets moron when i talk to people, even just small talk! so frustrating.

I mean I try to be nice, I think they can see that i am trying to be nice and friendly and open and polite, but i am just a little socially awkward hehehe. i mean come on there are a few slightly awkward introverts in the office in addition to me!

dec 20

holiday lunch today. spent all yesterday finishing this “project” draft rather than preparing witty, charismatic banter to impress all 15 people in the department. ran a little late from office to restaurant. apologized profusely. only spot was sitting right next to My Direct Manager. he is a really good guy and I am grateful I can say that and it’s the truth. the majority of people don’t have a manager like that. I could TOTALLY get a Good Recommendation from this guy IF I do a good job AND I Just Darn Talk To Him!!!!! He is always in a good mood and laughing at his own jokes. I kind of like this. not in an arrogant way but more like he is genuinely a Jolly Man. He has more than a Semi Charmed Life and he KNOWS it and he is thankful for it. he has a great Career, he’s highly educated and working in a field he enjoys, working on a PhD in his field, from a good school, has a not-ugly wife and more than 2 young children. and good people skills, gets along with everybody, makes everybody feel comfortable. also he is tall and fairly handsome. but pretty down to earth and not arrogant. but not underconfident either.

yes i stalked his wife on linkedin and google. yes uncle bernard, i have NO BOUNDARIES hahahaha. (uncle bern is appalled that All Women have No Boundaries and are always GOOGLING people, he finds that crazy and rude. I see where he’s coming from….but dont you want to know about the people you work with? of course bern, or any normie would say……….JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

I mean yeah I DO, I just use the online stuff to supplement and jog memory. To add to my notes. I can’t remember were so and so went to college, did they go to x y or z, i forgot what he said his wife does, how old his kids are, etc.

i felt a little bad because i was nervous and not contributing to the conversation like a normie. not very charismatic, not very witty. this is the downside from having a Rough Three Years. you don’t have anything interesting or positive to say.

or, in general, stories about yourself and your life. you dont have anything you can talk about but all your years of failure and rejection and giving up hahahaha. and you know you shouldnt talk about that! so what DO you talk about? your interests in Huhwhyte Nationalism, Alt Right, black metal? these are professionals with masters degrees making over 50k a year who go to ANTI-TRUMP protests and pro-hillary protests! and they’re gonna listen to the new, underachieving new guy on how their whole Weltanschauung is wrong? sheeeit. im the one making 13k a year, with no wife or kids, they’re making 50k a year and have a house, wife/husbando, and kids who are going to college and will prob be successful too, unless they fook up in college like I did!

so thoughts like this make it difficult to make small talk in big groups at lunch hahahaha.

i mean no ones asked me why i didnt get a masters degree, and if they do, i’ll once bitten twice shy, i wanted to get more working experience first, so i could determine what is the best masters degree to get. i just want to become competitive and work really any of a range of possible jobs. i like counseling but i honestly dont think it would be useful for me to get a masters degree in counseling. because i want to help white neet men and white marriages. not be a social worker to black thugs. i can’t TELL people that though!

i mean its similar to how people who want to become teachers have to start out their first few years in shitty black schools. people who want to become cops have to start out first few years in shitty black cities. its called PAYING YOUR DUES, its NORMAL.

so why aren’t more normies red-pilled on race then?

because they’re DOUBLING DOWN.

the teachers much moreso than the cops, hahahahaha.

every day children are taught to hate? klan families with kids wearing trump shirts. come on. there are about ten people tops in the klan in the US, and they don’t really HATE negros. They just want an end to forced diversity and forced anti-whitism. they want to be around other whites and have their children mate with other whites and not to live in dangerous nonwhite shitholes. they want a strong, safe community. they dont HATE anybody. they just dont want their white daughters having brown babies. stupid a&e commerican for “generation kkk.” really trying to hit people in the feels.

there’s like 5 people in the KKK in 2017 hahahahaha. COME ON.

do a show about the alt right. well, then they would spin it the same way their spinning spencer. a big part of the alt right hehehehe. but like in the atlantic piece, spencer looked pretty GOOD. I could see that actually REACHING one undecided person.

tok benedryl today at around 2:30 pm. got a sleeping mask as well. try that out. also got a tape measure for body to get exact measurements. waist: about 34 inches. chest: about 39. leg: ideally, 27 or 28. total manlet hahaha.

got any 33 27 pants hahahaha

but yeah i like having this. just so i know what muh actual body actually IS. of COURSE clothes makers are WILDLY inconsistent with their measurements. i need to know where to START though. 32? 33? 34?

dec 21

http://www.theblaze.com/news/2016/12/20/white-guys-offered-new-years-resolutions-from-ultra-liberal-mtv-news/

mtv new years resolutions for white guys, getting some coverage right nao

http://dailycaller.com/2016/12/19/mtv-offers-up-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-video/

http://www.vdare.com/posts/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-a-response

white racist site vdare actually high in the news results hahahaha

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2016/12/19/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-stop-mansplaining-stop-saying-woke-blue-lives-matter-isnt-a-thing/

wow, would ya get a load of the khazar milkers on that

dec 21

went to lunch with old colleague i had not seen in a long time. the person who is very nice and kind to me. acts as a reference for me. mutually knows both me and…….That Woman. we actually had a very good and animated talk, no autistic silent moments, like no time had passed, and, i was kinda pleasantly surprised, we did not talk about That Woman at all. our colleague somewhat likes the gossip. i kinda expected them to say SO……whatever happened between you and that woman? and i was fully prepared to take the high road, but still be honest, and say yeah that really really sucked for me, i was really upset for a long time, it’s still sad, it’s just SAD, i was stupid but she was stupid too, i was so disappointed, i wish she tried a little harder to Euthanize Our Rel With Dignity, but oh well, life goes on, i understand why she did what she did, she’s still a good person, I wish her well, I forgive her, I’m not mad at her, I’m getting over it.

but didnt even have to say any of that.

of course at the same time i secretly hope the mutual friend will contact That Woman and say guess who I saw, he’s doing well, he got a new job, come on you should have been a little nicer to him. heh. and then i would totally Accept her. even though she’s older, probably fooked 20 badbois in the past 1.5 years, maybe had a baby, maybe had some abortions, maybe got more experience in being a horrible person and casual secs and throwing people away and acting like a baby. AND being more successful at me in job. being TOUGH. saying fook you we cant help you, i am the manager and i’m saying GOODBYE, we dont have the TIME to fix your unreasonable demands, it’s not WORTH IT to us.

that she was able to TOUGH IT OUT through tough personal times, and tough job times, and just ignore me like I was nothing, and tough it out on a job I was struggling so much with, and tough it out for SO much longer, AND bounce back from a layoff super quickly, into another high stress job where you have to be tough, but you probably get paid a slightly above average (avg being 27k a year) wage as compensation. and i cant tough it out well enough as an average normie, to make an average wage.

totally SMITING me AND then going on to do WAY better at life. insult to injury hehehehe. and its not intentional. and intent does absolutely matter. it was just extremely painful………………………..for me. hehehehehe.

i just hate doing the wrong thing. i hate thinking i might do the same wrong thing in the future. make the same mistake again because i will be a COWARD again. its not that i didnt know what I should do, what I should have done was obvious even at that time! I just didnt have the courage to say it. so my mistake was not having enough courage. not acting with courage in a timely manner.

is that really such a god damn CRIME? i think other people would have been more forgiving of that. it was just a fookin PERFECT STORM, a perfect shitstorm. worst possible thing at the worst possible time.

fooking peloton commerical. i want to bang the rich skinny mom. i want to bang the tuff gurl robin the peloton instructor. i am not going to go easy on HER hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  but my main concern is, what is this womans CAREER to be living in that HOUSE??????? clearly ivy league graduate degree, near-c-level management in a fortune 10 company hehehehe. all those women like to work 100 hours a week then exercise 50 hours a week because they know they still need to have a perfect body hahahaha. then they neglect their family and their kids grow up to be school shooter neet virgin druggie burnouts hahahahahahaha. at least they can afford their drugs with their mommys money. careerbux hahahaha. fooking peloton. fook peloton. stupid word. stupid shitbike. fook it.

hehehe the colleague gave me a nice pastry/cake/sweets and i ate a chunk of it and it turned out to have like 450 calories in it hehehehehe. oyyyyyy veyyyyyyyy. they are the kind of nice person who always brings in treats and snacks and donuts and sweets and buys people lunch. my god. that is how i became acquainted with her, because she was always NICE to me, and I really do appreciate that kind of stuff.

heh. that was how i became friends with That Woman too, who was nice in a similar way. damn i miss that. yeah its NO SURPRISE at all that i got feelings for her. a pretty young gurl being VERY NICE TO YOU. the only thing that’s SURPRISING was that I didnt fall in luv with her SOONER! but that was HOW MUCH I respected peoples relationships, that i had NO desire to interfere or fook up her relship, that I didn’t let myself get feelings for a Taken Woman. but once she was not taken, and i let myself get the feels, the HORSE WAS OUT OF THE BARN and it wasnt ever gonna go back in. HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? it isn’t. i dont think any reasonable adult would find that hard to understand. sheeeeit, even SHE probably UNDERSTOOD it. she just didnt want to face a tuff situation in order to do me one last favor. just back out and do the irish goodbye hahahahaha.

whats funny is that i have done the irish goodbye many a time when I was a drinker. but that was different. I was just leaving social events quietly, not Terminating entire relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i just like the term irish goodbye hahahaha.

also you just CANT pull an irish goodbye on a real relship of 2.7 years. thats not what it is, thats not how it works. it’s just sneaking out of a large-ish PARTY when you are too drunk, tired, or awkward to say goodbye in a POLITE manner like a NORMIE. its super MINOR. Abandoning a relship needs a different term altogether. How about “abandonment” or “abandoning a relship.”

which is what i thought “ghosting” was. but thats a stupid word too and i think it works better with the minor semi faux pas of an irish goodbye!

so yeah. 90% of the time i did it, i was falling down drunk, shouldnt have been even LOOKING at a car, and probably didnt want anyone to try to stop me from driving. YIKES. glad those days are GONE. at least i became a better person than THAT.

maybe i was blazed af on MJ? thats a little better.

was listening to this middle class man tell his story, i guess he would be one of our “customers” or “clients” so I tried to help him for 2 minutes and practice my bullshitting on a system i knew even less than he did, and he was so gracious and nice, and was like you guys have such patience to work with people like me, and i was like hey just doin our job, thats what were here for, glad to do it, i’m just glad you dont have an emergency right now and youre screaming at me to fix it, and I don’t have a goddamn EXPERT in the next room who is basically twiddling his thumbs waiting for something to do! and then I grab him he helps you and I watch and learn along with you.

the “client”/internal customer might be one of the 15% who dont have a masters degree, but he has plenty of Industry Experience in a Bigass Fortune 10 company. kinda autistic but just really really nice. I appreciate that.

he talked about his son and daughter. he convinced his son not to go away to college. he sat him down and showed him spreadsheets and convincing calculations that the son could save at LEAST 50 grand by living at home and going to the cheapo college. that the College Experience wasnt WORTH 50 grand that you would struggle to pay back.

the kid listened. he lived at home, worked 60 hours a week in a Machine Shop, did associates at cheap college, then finished Engin Degree at local univ, all while living at home, working full time, doing many many classes online. now he is an engineer making damn good money with a wife and kid and dogs. about 148800000000000 times better than me.

like i bet he made more money at the machine shop than i am right now. and 60 hours a week. AND doing engin classes. the father said i would go by his room at 4 in the morning and be like WHACHA DOIN SON and the son was like i got an assignment due at 6 AM!

point is, kid had a great work ethic!

another guy tried to convince HIS son of the same thing, showed him the numbers, said here’s what you’ll have to pay back, taking a real unflinching longterm look at finances in other words, you can save a LOTTTTTT of money by going to cheap local college for 2 years, THEN you can transfer to finish your degree at State Univ. it doesnt say podunk redneck college on your diploma! and the kid fought him and say no i want to go to state univ right out of high school. well, at least this kid is going an engin major!

well at least he is probably getting some prime college poosay!!!!! 18 year old QTs! this is a party skool after all. All my life i will regret not being able to bang 18 year old 9/10’s like he is doing no. sheeeeeeeeeeeit thats WORTH 100 grand, isn’t it?

probably, because that instills you with confidence that will last you a LIFETIME, and then you will prob be successful in life, and MAKE 100 grand to pay those loans back, be a winner chad normie, have GFs and a wife and eventually children. because you banged some 18 yo QT’s while in college which gave you MASSIVE CONFIDENCE. BABOON BRAINFRAME.

OR, you could just get rejected, or just not even really try, and get super frustrated because you see 14880000000000000000000 perfect qt’s a day and you have never been with one. or if you have it was just for 2 days then the door was shut hehehehehe. and still pay the 100 grand and come out with no confidence, no skills, no charisma, no value add, no women, no charm, no grace, no game.

im glad im not in a univ town where i would see 60000000000000000000 18-25 yo qt’s all day erry day. i used to be. it was RIDICULOUS. it’s bad enough if i see a handful of Young Sluts when I go to the MALL twice a year. no thank you. TRIGGERED.

i know of a local skool where there are a good number of young qt’s. right out of high school. 18-20 years old. but half of em arent huhwhyte. this is triggering in a different way. but actually less painful I think! than seeing tons of young white women. that hits even harder on the lizard brain. but yeah race matters too. but i have some power in that. i feel empowered by contributing 10 dollars a month to pro-white people hehehehehe, empowered in a way i dont feel when dealing with young qt white wimmin. maybe if i gave THEM 10 dollars a month they would stroke muh ego. hang out with me and be nice to me and interested in me hahahahaha.

i might not be able to have white children of my own, and i see me donating money to Alt Right and Pro White as doing whatever I CAN do to help The Cause, The Movement, My People, My Race, the future of my people and our children, even if they are not MY children directly.

to be fair i am dnating 2 dollars to people that are NOT explicitly pro-white. they haven’t crossed the rubicon yet. but they are white conservatives hehehehehe. who are not anti white even implicitly. i would prefer that they be explicitly pro white. would get me to up muh donation hehehehe.

white conservatives get 12 dollars a year, pro white white conservatives get 20 dollars a year hehehehehe. upmost tier gets 25 a year. weev, andrew anglin, TRS, mill woes, fatherland.

well COULDNT i do MORE good by just donating MORE money to ONE source? save all muh donations for TRS? maybe that will push them over the edge into……what exactly. they are already on a good path.

i am even gonna give 5 dollars to foreveralone george feels.

lena dunham goes into the oven hahahahaha. you wish you had abortion. you WOULD. i’m more surprised by the fact that shes never HAD an abortion. i bet the lying jooish bitch is LYING. i bet she DID have abortions and is trying to portray herself as some innocent “normal” woman. close your legs you damn evil satanic wh0re. we dont need any more of your kind in this world. actually she prob SHOULD abort her evil SATAN SPAWN. but not even fox joos will tell you that shes jooish. NORMIES think shes WHITE. they think that fat pig amy schumer is white. this is how blue pilled normies are on the JQ. and why the JQ is such a bigass mindblowing game changing thing. it changes you hahahahaha.

and i am HAPPY that so many YOUNG people are hip to the JQ, even if semi-jokingly. hell yes you can have fun and make jokes with it. but i think they honestly GET IT too. its IMMENSELY powerful to have YOUNG people understand the JQ. I didnt get it until I was……i dunno at least 28 years old. I mean I was aware of joos and calling people k1k3s when i was 22, and knew j00s were scheming and greedy and evil back then……..but I didnt REALLY understand it. i wasnt even reading stormfront or vnn, and there wasnt any alt right or /pol for me to read. no pepes, no memes. no trs, no weev, no daily stormer, no /pol, no greg johnson, no richard spencer. what a sad world hahahaha.  im not even sure if there was reddit. the best thing we had was heartiste. who is honestly pretty GOOD. he is pretty good on the JQ. but was he back THEN? prob not as much.

i did get into greg johnson around 2012 though hahahaha. didnt i do my amazon timeline recently???!??!?!?? well i was reading and listening to greg and counter currents WELL before I bought his book.

2012: mindweapons, counter currents, and eradica did it for me. they converted me hahahaha. and david duke. THANK YOU hahaha. oh yeah i should donate to counter currents prob eh.

i dont expect ANY woman to understand this. I just want a woman who is instinctively REPULSED by being with any race other than a white man. I want a woman who has never BEEN with a nonwhite man, WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF IT without disgust. And I honestly think there are a goodly number of these women out there, they just wont tell it on the mountain in front of their friends for fear of being called you-know-what.

 

ITS IMPOSSIBLE TO RESPECT SOMEBODYS DECISION TO TREAT YOU WITH DISRESPECT

 

oct 13

apparently got up way too early today for 9am test. strangely not pooping even though drinking coffee and have some food that should be ready to go hmmm.

i just hate angry customers demanding explanations that i dont have, demanding to speak to somebody else when i cant transfer them, and i dont have time to Figure Out their problem, and just have to tell them It Is What It Is, Live With It. There’s no tactful way to say this problem isnt serious enough to our company to waste time figuring it out.

when you are sitting there in the trenches desperately trying to bullshit people and survive to the end of another day in hell, the one thing that gives you hope and solace is the idea that the first thing you do when you get home is youre gonna prepare a yuuuuuuuuge spliff and smoke it and get hella blazed. that is your one saving grace. it really does help. without that, things really start to look hopeless.

did not get a ton of sleep last night hehehe .

aha well feel the BM coming now finally hahahaha. usually i dont have to wait!!!!

then i get mad at other people, like HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS? HOW DO YOU HANDLE THIS? and they get mad at me cuz i am mad at them cuz they can so easily tell customers “i dunno, not my problem, deal with it, live with it, cant help you, it is what it is, goodbye.”

well, it is true that what i saw what PERHAPS the evidence of a company on the downfall. well, the company was having a Bad Year, Big Losses, and laid a ton of people off, including in our department. but was the shitty service we gave indicative of that, or was it always like that, even when times were Good and Growing? i mean you always want to save money and do more with less, and that means sweeping Small Problems under the rug.

its just hard being the person who has to tell the person youre sweeping THEIR problem under the rug.

very hard. what do you say?

idk just go with the flow lol  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

yeah well YOU stop listening to your degen music and TELL this person that. give them a damn good EXPLANATION WHY you are sweeping their problem under the rug.

and go suck negro dick some more. spread your legs for negros and make fookin shitsprogs with them.

i might not be in luv with negros, but i can at least admit they are humans hahahaha. they are living human beings and their innocent babies lives have some innate value and shouldnt be created WILLY NILLY. same with any nonwhite babies. I am a sucker for babies. all races babies are INNOCENT HUMAN LIVES that should not be treated like GARBAGE.

im not an idiot i SWEAR. Here, call my high school teacher from 20 years ago when I was a top 5% student and got all A’s.

ok took the test, it was EASY AS SHIT. basically copy an extremely simple table from this paper into excel, using sum formulas and multiplication formulas hahahaha. no index match or offsets or vlookups hehehehe.

and then use an adding machine with paper tape roll to add up a list of 20 numbers. i did not even understand. who uses adding machines.

i was nice to the lady and she was nice to me and i also saw a printout of the 30 people who took the written test a few weeks ago where i did horribly on the accounting questions, i told the lady yeah i didnt do so well on the accounting part, but i took accounting courses in College and got A’s I SWEAR, I could TOTALLY do that stuff again with the debits and credits and journal entries if I just did a little refresher, its not rocket science, its just you get rusty if you havent used it in a few years!!!!!! and she seemed understanding.

jeez. just when i thought trump was past this grab em by the pvssy shit, some more bad shit happens, namely, some b’s coming out saying he groped them. i guess i sort of thought this might happen, and now it is. i like how he is condemning the lugenpresse, because he knows this cant be proven, although youre a woman hater if you think a Victim Might Be Lying, especially if they put their name and face on video and say I, Ms Lyin Slutberg, say that trumps hands were like an octopus on me in 1980, and women dont make this shit up for political reasons hahahaha.

but yeah that is the prevailing idea, that women never lie. and trumps got to get women to believe women do lie, in order to get womens vote. of course women know women lie, but they will deny it to the point of voting against that bad bad man.

but yeah it is def hurting his poll numbers signif. i mean it does not look good folks.

but if he can handle this as well as he handled the pvssy tape, he has a chance.

heh i almost had a heart attack seeing this one cuz i actually thought it was That Woman doing an actual reddit post about ME hahahahahahaha. but its not. i am older than 29 anyway hahahahaha. also it sounds like she rejected him a little nicer because they were still talking afterwards. well…..not really. well, it sounds like she actually told him “im not interested,” and THEN he started asking Creepy Details about her Secs Life. well at least i did not do that! so i am less of a creep and better at respecting boundaries than this guy!

i mean i am fine being a woman hater but i DONT want to be a creep, i DO want to respect boundaries.

I was VERY, VERY, VERY distraught and upset, like this guy, but I think I did an OK job of respecting boundaries…..well just the idea of me getting feelings for her and asking her to hang out regularly was Trampling Her Boundaries!

yeah well she could have stopped saying YES WE WILL HANG OUT!!!!!!!!!! that KINDA got my hopes up!

but yeah i admit i was weak and cowardly and should have blurted everything out in november 2014. that is the lesson i learned, and if i ever get into this situation again, that is what i will do.

i didnt really manipulate our mutual friend to talk to her, but yeah maybe i did secretly hope that mutual friend would talk to that woman and be like hes really upset and you were kinda shitty to him hehehehehehehehe.

but yeah it gets to a point where you really dont have anything to TALK about. i learned pretty quickly that i didnt want to just TALK to her, i wanted a CHANCE with her. the time for TALKING was earlier. like yeah i wish you had dumped me with talking but if you come talk to me now, uhh yeah im still in luv with you, ill still be in luv with you 15 months later. i can accept you not wanting the rel, just tell me no. tell me no and tell me im not a piece of garbage hahahaha. just say aw im sorry youre a real sweet guy like all the other women who “FRIENDZONE” their male friends hahahahahaha and then lets take a little break because you cant be friends when theres one sided feelings, didnt you learn than by age 25 hahahaha.

i will pay for a dumping expert for you to dump me.

or have your mom dump me for you.

but yeah at the end of the day she was a nice person, a beautiful person, and i will never get over her or stop being in luv with her or find a better woman ahahahahahahaha.

this feels as bad as muh First Heartbreak! they say the first is by far the worst, but this one is by far the worst! the 5th or 6th heartbreak hehehehe. well because it was the most significant actual relship.

anyway yeah i guess i understand, if i were in her position i wold have a hard time dealing with me too.

i mean you really do need a professional for these types of things. well ok. i would have her go to my shrink, talk to my shrink for 30 minutes, then i would talk to the shrink for 30 minutes. do a couple of those sessions. and the shrink could relay everything in a mature manner. thats their JOB hahahaha.

yeah well many people are just horrible at their jobs and have no idea what they are doing hehehe.

i mean isnt this what QUALITY ASSURANCE does? makes sure stuff is objectively correct?

i mean i never experienced this before. i pretty much accepted the ITS OVER talk. well, i would try to win them back. didnt work. they would make out with you (and im sure str8 up Pity Fook you, because its just secs). but i was too pathetic to even PUSH for secs because im nervous about secs and am perfectly happy with making out.

anyway winning them back didnt work and i shouldnt have tried it.

well these were crazy middle class jooish college gurls! and That Woman was a nice white down to earth normal woman who was not a Huge Career Woman.

i was a little creepy, but was I SO creepy that I should be totally ashamed of myself? sometimes i am, sometimes im not, and im still not sure how ashamed i SHOULD be, in other words, not sure exactly How Creepy I was.

i mean i dont WANT to be creepy. because “creepers” dont get women ever. its synonymous with undesirable. i dont want to be undesirable. have such deep issues i could never be with a wimmin. i mean they have deep issues too, but it doesnt matter bc women are the supply, therefore i HAVE to not be creepy. it is my responsibility. my mission. i dont want to fail my mission.

heheh got up at 6 am, not a lot of sleep, in mood for nap now at 12 pm hahahaha.

anyway. muh life is in ruins and all i can think about is WOMEN. and this is not a new thing. i always cared more about women and the related drama, than making something of myself. this is one of muh hugest flaws.

cuz i was always way more interested in women than i was in Employment, Education, or Training hahahahahaha. all that stuff was boring at best and excruciating at worst.

yeah i shoud not be writing here, very tired hahahaha. i mean i SHOULD be furiously jobsearching but i dont do that so furiously. hey i did something job related today! and i am on the baby steps plan hahaha.

but i have been on the baby steps plan for YEARS. i need to start doing MORE than baby steps, a LOT more.

GROWN ASS MEN DONT GET ANYWHERE WITH BABY STEPS.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

teen doesnt want to go to college, caretaker says she needs college beause shes not the type to do well without college.

such an easy answer. let the damn kid take a damn gap year, maybe two. also its easy to get a job when you are a 18 year old gurl hahahahaha. take some business classes at the CC because the kid is vaguely interested in “Starting a business” with no plan. so take accounting classes at least, maybe econ, i dunno. def accounting cuz its an actual skill you can get paid for. i mean it hasnt really helped my career hahahaha.

everyones like o just have her get a FT job and pay you rent, which in theory is a great idea…..but what if she cant get an FT job? spends the entire gap year just applying to jobs, going to interviews, and not getting jobs? hehehehe.

which i highly doubt tho, cuz as an 18 year old gurl she could prob get hired at a 12 dollar an hour county job like i just got two rejections today for two such jobs! they either dont like muh gap andor they think i am overqualified andor they dont want to hire white males. they hire a lot of white females though hahahahaha.

anyway if the kid is not DRIVEN in real life, they wont be DRIVEN in college, and being a lazy slob in college is not gonna help them. then you become a huge failure like me hahahaha.

anyway i always knew i was too fooked up to have a rel with a woman, so i wasnt actively looking for one. i knew i had to fix myself first, and that would take YEARSSSSSSSSSSSS until i am 40 or so.

point is, i didnt go LOOKING for a woman when i “found” That Woman. Us becoming friends was the easiest, most natural, most spontaneous thing i had felt in a very long time. we just got along instantly. it just happened naturally af. i didnt LUV her at first. after 2 years of being solid friends, i fell in luv with her. and yet i still was too broken and damaged to be in a rel.

point is, i wasnt putting myself out there, i wasnt trying to FIND a GF in other words. she literally fell into muh life and we got along rather MIRACULOUSLY.

like i think about going on okcupid or something and practicing banging sluts, but i know im not even ready for that cuz muh life is a mess, cant take care of myself, cant be a adult, i gotta get that stuff fixed before i even THINK about women.

hehehehe. yep. get me to stop thinking about women hehehehe.

well thats a lot easier when you are working FT at a terrible job. THEN you just think about surviving one day at a time. you have no Libido, you cant even jerk off UNLESS You look at porno. and it becomes a joyless experience solely to attempt to relieve stress. destress. and it doesnt work nearly as well as smokin MJ.

or quickly crank one out thinking of the Office Young Slut that all the other lonely old guys want to bang too.

if you are lucky enough to GET a job. AND work with even ONE attractive young woman.

but attractive young women can be INCREDIBLY distracting.

well, you will probably be thinking of them ANYWAY even if you dont know or see any. kinda in that position right now. im always thinking of women, but i really dont interact that much with women, and my point is, i dont know ANY attractive young women! but i still think about the idea of them! all the time!

shit maybe send that 17 year old kid to a shrink (i am thinking of them more as a boy than a girl, because gurls shouldnt Go Away To College period.) just to get a damn “tune up” and make sure they dont have Depression or Anxiety or Bipolar. just get a check up, and if they have anything, they can start treating it when theyre young and before they get their whole life off track. maybe the kid is Depressed because they dont seem to have any drive or motivation hehehehe. also make sure they are NOT doing drugs or alcohol regularly. find a male mentor who is 5 years older. 9 at the very most.

if the mentors are too old, they wont know how the world works and their advice wont apply hahahahaha. theyll say go to college, thats your sure ticket to the middle class, hahahaha.

dont get a female mentor.

FEMALES CANT MENTOR.

well, maybe they can mentor children and women, IF they have children of their own.

well what about this guys wife who is a successful business owner.

ok fine, if they own a successful business, ill give them a pass.

and actual entrepreneurs WOULD be GREAT mentors for Teens. but good luck getting access to these privileged, valuable, expensive, very important people. their time is worth 100 bucks an hour just to talk to them on the phone. just go shadow a doctor or something. go shadow bill gates hahahaha.

but yeah going to college right after high school was a HORRIBLE idea for me, so yeah i was VERY interested in that topic.

wewlad finally gonna come in under muh daily calorie goal of 1200, instead of way way over.

ITS SO HARD TO DO EVEN 1 BABY STEP hahahahaha.

but yeah i get SO nervous at the idea of Facing Customers. it is TERRIFYING. like the kids at mcdonalds making 9 dollars an hour. i couldnt do what they do!

but the FACT is, at ONE time, i USED to do pretty high level, in depth, srs business customer service. having deep intense serious conversations.

so yeah i just want to answer all my haters who say i got involved with a woman before i was READY.  it just HAPPENED ok. i wasnt LOOKING for anything. you cant CHOOSE who you LUV.

on reddit some college educated career woman was doing a /sarcasm about sex being “the holy process by which babies are made” /s . i wanted to reach through the screen and punch her in the face for being such a fooking godless disgusting degenerate. THAT SHOULDNT BE SARCASM! THATS EXACTLY WHAT SECS IS!!!!!!!!!!

and i am honestly disappointed that ONLY religious people share my beliefs. I argue endlessly you dont HAVE to be religious, christian, etc to have my beliefs on Sexual Morality, that sex is a darn near holy, sacred, sublime process by which Human Life is created, so have some damn REVERENCE for it.

apparently only religious nuts think this, and everybody else doesn’t.

i am SORTA religious but I stubbornly insist you dont NEED to be to feel this way about secs. even a damn tree worshiping pagan would agree with me!

i was pleasantly surprised to see that there were soem gun owners on reddit. one rel question involved guns and plenty of gun owners responded. i expected everyone on reddit to be violently antigun, anyone who doesnt express only negative opinions about guns is an evil white cis racist hateful nazi kkk trump raeper. so i was glad to be proven wrong there.

everything is NOT OKAY with these women. 25 year old women making 50 grand a year write work emails about things being NOT OK. good god.  and we all have to bow down to the women and fix shit when they think something is NOT OK. no man would EVER use those words to describe anything, unless he is a total cuckold phaggot.

women are very conformist in the way they talk so colloquial idioms like “not ok” and “its a thing” and “its been a minute” and “creeper” and “netflix and chill” and LITERALLY and  just the littlest ways of speaking, the words, the stupid slang, they get really into that and it changes the way they TALK. and men just dont TALK like that, not nearly as much.

 

heh the anxiety reddit is sometimes pretty good, though not nearly as much comments as relshits.

 

yep

 

in this WOMANS defense, I would get anxious about 12-15 hour shifts too!

 

there is a despair reddit too but damn these people are pathetic. but there are some good questions like the above. not alot of answers though.

anyway i think my despair comes FROM muh anxiety which holds me back from taking risks and doing things and accomplishing Life Goals like getting a real job, maintaining the job, getting a rel, maintaining the rel, being an adult, etc.

also anxiety prevents a LOT of people from working. they have panic attacks and crying every day about their job. panicking every morning. panicking at lunch. being exhausted and destroyed at the end of every day.

some suggested that high CBD cannabis can help with anxiety but high THC can Aggravate anxiety? i dont doubt that. but I always think of it in terms of indica vs sativa, and this is NOT the same thing.

well then give me a high CBD indica hahahaha.

 

1 comment basically saying i dunno, nothing helps, try meds and maybe it will help you seem like a normie.

hehehehe. i know that feel.

but yeah. valid, good questions, with barely any responses. bretty disappointing reddit.

well i can at least be gratefu that muh anxiety and despair arent as bad as some of these people. like i can actually go on interviews, 23 of them hahahahaha. (but VERY doubtful about actually doing a job and surviving at it!!!!!!). also i dont get holy shit i must K myself sort of thoughts. more like wow i am a huge failure who has wasted my life and i will never be able to turn it around, but i dont really want to K myself! but i just feel hopeless about being able to become a real adult with an average job, and to get a halfway decent gf, ideally wife. ok FINE i will accept not having children. but i wont accept getting into a rel with a shitty woman out of pure desperation and loneliness. i would rather continue being alone. and just smoke MJ and maybe bang sluts like a degen. its not ideal but i wonder if some secs would make a man more confident which he can then use to do actually good, nondegen things. the ends jsutify the means. by any means necessary.

oct 14

https://www.eremedia.com/ere/why-you-cant-get-a-job-recruiting-explained-by-the-numbers/

yeah the page does exist, ive got it open right now. very discouraging article  written by evil hr person hahaha.

http://insights.dice.com/2014/09/16/recruitings-dirty-little-secrets/

ok ive had enough hahaha

basically i was looking for an Experts Opinion on low-level (data entry, general clerk, entry level admin asst, clerical asst, office clerk) get posted AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN and over and over and over every 3 or 4 weeks, basically the same position in the same location, and you apply 3 or 4 or 5 times until youre ike WTF is going on here, ive applied to this same job 4 times and still havent gotten called for a First Interview or even a Phone Screening, WTF is going on here. has their HR department blackballed me, or is this just not a real job? are they building a pool? there must be 10000 people in the pool by now!! are they trying to build a BETTER pool? its a 12 dollar an hour job! youre not gonna GET mark zuckerberg!!!!!! WHAT IS GOING ON here? looking for an article that explains this phenomenon, but cannot find.

i mean yeah im sure i could get flagged as “DESPERATE, WILL TAKE ANYTHING” in the ATS, which is only half true. I will only take anything that is less than 50% phones hahahahaha, i will take anything that wouldnt obviously drive me completely insane and do a panicquit hahahahaha.

im sure ive got that flag at the hospital where ive applied to 50 jobs. but i’m not applying to shit all over the hospital! i am applying to stuff in my ballpark of qualification!!!!!!!!!!

if there are men looking for the “GF experience”, are there women looking for the BF experience?

well, and im not SURE about this, but my THEORY is that women who get LONELY like this will just end up trying to convert their BFE (probably a Fook buddy or FWB) into an actual BF.

just basically slapping your fantasy image of the perfect GF/BF onto whatever attractive person lets you fook them. then you fook them and cuddle with them and be nice to them and start to want them as your GF even though you have no idea who they REALLY are. pretty much what happened with the first gurl i fooked.

its safe to say if you want the GFE, you want a GF, period.

(yeah this is kind of a NO SHIT SHERLOCK thing when you think about it for 1 second.) so you are at risk. you bang some slut and try to make it a GFE, and then probably end up getting stupid feelings too fast because what you REALLY want is a GF.

i mean its not really STUPID, its completely understandable.

when you search what appears to be specific requisition numbers on a big companys job site and you cant find the job. because i got an email alert saying apply for this job, but no LINK in the email, so i search the req number given in the email to make sure i find the exact job, and nothing. total incompetence by the HR of a YUGE successful company. shit why even post jobs, they can get top talent from top skools, why even open this shit to slobs like me.

less than 1 month to go and the pres campagins are now all about Secs Scandals. this is honestly kinda disappointing. not that secs scandals do not matter cuz they ARE an indicator of Morality, which is more important than anything hehehehe.

well i mean i will accept a president who has groped a few women, but is sincere about making america great again hahahahaha. i will not accept a pres who has groped and raeped a LOT of women and who wants to genocide my race hahahahahahaha.

so what if trump doesnt respect women? I dont respect women! well, the MAJORITY of women hahahahaha. SOME women are respectable. but not a lot.

although on a person to person level, social interactions, i treat everybody respectfully, even if the person may not really be respectable. i mean im not gonna FIX them by being an asshole to them. i dont like being an asshole to people anyway. its too much WORK, its too much STRESS, too much anxiety.

i wish there was a lot more discussion on the anxiety reddit. there is 10% of the talk as there is on the relships. but anxiety CAUSES SO much trouble with relships, with life in general. well, for men at least. women can still have anxiety and get Rels and Jobs because they are the supply. they are very much in demand. men will bend over backwards to Help Women. thats just the way it is. accept it. dont get MAD about it and complain that its UNFAIR. its really NOT, because women get pregnant. now it might be unfair that women arent AWARE of this, and its definitely infuriating. and it IS fair for you to get angry about that, hahahahahahahaha.

WE HAVE NO RECORD OF THAT.

another great it is what it is, not our problem, oh well, youre screwed, deal with it type statement you can give to your customers.

im not saying youre lying, but youre lying. we have no record of that. not because were incompetent.

so youre telling me that my wireless card is just gonna keep disconnecting every single day, and the only way to “FIX” it is to restart my computer 10 times a day, repeatedly run network troubleshooting 10 times a day, and just WAIT when i lose internet for 10 minutes at a time every day and have to tell my paying customers, sorry, you have to wait 10 more minutes before the computer can take your money. nope we cant give you a discount either because budget. gotta cut costs goy. no refunds, no exchanges, no discounts, no service, no guarantees, all sales are final.

some people hate sitting in TRAFFIC. but you know whats even WORSE? actually being at work and having to deal with those callers and customers and tasks! traffic is EASY!!!!! its a NO BRAINER!!!! you just sit there and wait and move verrrrrryyyyyy sloooooooooowly. you already know how to HANDLE it. you dont need to make 1000 flashcards and study every night on how to deal with heavy traffic. its simple, its not complicated, its a 1+1 math problem.

meanwhile every phone call is a fookin Calculus 5 story problem where they bitch at you to explain why on every step, and youre not doing this fast enough, and dont you know what youre doing, why cant i speak to someone who knows what theyre doing, nobody in your department ever knows what theyre doing! isnt this your JOB????

so yeah i hate that. it is very nerve wracking, anxiety provoking.

now, anxiety was not a big problem for me for a good long while, from like 2010 to 2013. i was working an easy job, handling that, i wasnt anxious and nervous. i was grumpy and angry and hateful sure, but not anxious. 2014, 2015 were huge anxiety years, carried over into 2016 as well.

but it was nice to go several full YEARS without as much anxiety. but then it comes back for YEARS again. damn.

We have no record of this. Please reboot your computer and wait 10 minutes before attempting to use your cash register or office computers. Discounts/refunds must be approved by CEO, or create a Cash Drawer Shortage so your manager can fire you for stealing. Hope This Helps!

was this because i was working at a failing company, and everybody knew it was failing? (except for people who just listened to music all day and said idk go with the flow lol idk) the customers, the managers, the nonmanagers, the field, the support, everybody with half a brain?

when your customer says, this is DISGRACEFUL service, and you say, yeah i agree, but there’s nothing i can do here. i am the manager. policies. ill get in trouble. we cant just give discounts away. our company will go out of business. and then it goes out of business anyway through a combination of giving away discounts, bad service, low quality, high prices.

whos supposed to be doing this, because i dont know how to do this. oh im supposed to be doing this? says who? let me speak to their manager. oh theyre not in. you have one manager for 5 locations. ok whos the acting manager. nobody. ok whos the smartest person there. oh he’s not in. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON WHO IS THERE RIGHT NOW. hes in a meeting. ok, then who is the smartest who is in the building, who is not in a meeting, who can talk to me right now? nobody, were all on the phone with customers. i am literally the only person who can help you, and i dont know what im doing.

ok who has the most seniority/experience. oh this whole office/location is new. ive only been here a month and all the managers have only been here 2 weeks. NOBODY knows what theyre doing. so we call people for help, and THEY dont know what theyre doing.

sheeeeit times like this i need to get out of the house. i did apply for one job thank god, a military civ job. only took 16 minutes. well when you ONLY put 16 minutes or 15 minutes into a app, thats a good GUARANTEE that you will never get an interview! hahahahaha. you should be spending at LEAST an hour on every app, really fine tuning it to each job hahahaha.

anyway i have decided to go to the store today and get a white dress shirt that fits me a bit better than the one i usually wear for interviews, which is too big.

later

ok did that. felt the need to get out of house and DO something, not just complain in here, and force myself to apply for Jobs. and not “just” go for a walk, but DO something, anything i needed to do, like get a white dress shirt that fits better, or go buy laundry detergent for the home. going for a walk is fine, i need to lose weight (not really, but i do WANT to!) but i wanted to Baby Step Do Something today.

went to burlington for the shirt. we had a majority white town thank GOD but burlington in the middle of the afternoon is NOT majority white. there were a ton of blacks and especially arabs there. some asians.

the arabs in my town, you wouldnt have to worry about them joing ISIS, but they might be contenders for drug dealing and Raping White Gurls. but i dont think they are too islamic. they just speak arabic and haggle with cashiers at burlington and grope women and probably like to drink which is absolutely haram. smoke hookahs all day and watch soccer.

got some diet coke because i was curious to mix it with my coffee.

rejection emails that reference requisition numbers that DO NOT MATCH WITH the requisition numbers stated on the taleo site! it gives a 7 digit number, and all the req numbers i see are 6 digit! so i cant even match it up with a job on my spreadsheet for certain, because i recorded the 6 digit req number!!!!!! so i dont know which admin assistant job i was rejected for!

or you take 10 minutes to apply for a job (contingent (casual) job no less) and only when youre DONE does it tell you the job has expired. thanks NEWTON ATS.

wewlad. finally got in muh 3 apps for the day. so much shit is coming up expired. or i already applied to it but couldnt figure out if i had or not. felt like it took forever. much longer than the 42 minutes it should have taken hahahaha.  in fact it took 46 minutes hehehehehehe.

kirkland vodka. apparently critics say its better than gray goose and also way cheaper.

that basically all kirkland booze is high quality and reasonably priced.

i just thought that was kinda funny. as a guy who used to drink fooking near-bottom shelf canadian whiskey like canada house and rich and rare and royal canadian and CANADIAN HUNTER hahahaha. i couldnt even drink something good like VO or Crown Royal. once in a while i did canadian club hahahahaha.

Rich and Rare was probably the best quality for a low price, shameful booze, and candian hunter was the most BADASS……but not really the best quality. I cant not recommend the Rich And Rare though. got EPIC drunk off of that shit.

actually R&R was pricier than royal canadian.

i really dont know how i got into drinking steel reserve tho. BAD idea. i mean why not just drink lots of regular beer like miller lite. well, i did that too!

maybe get some kirkland weed hahahahahahahahahahaha. well im sure if they had some, it would be good.

i guess Kirkland Shirts are pretty good. not sure about pants hahaha. get some nice Kirkland Jeans hahahahaa.

10 thousand word post. this is definitely top 5% length folks.  just ridiculous.

get a kirkland wife hahahaha. kirkland mail order bride.

ya know i am not interested in a mail order bride at all. even a white one. maybe when i am 45 – 50 i will be hehehehe.

ok moved some of this long post to the previous post to match the lengths a little bettter.

i mean i just want to get a LOT of MJ right now. like a 4th or half ounce! like 100 dollars of MJ i would buy right now. i mean im thankful to have that kind of money, but thats what happens when you are a neet who didnt have a ton of expenses and saved most of their money when they were working.

are there any neets who ARENT virgins?

well probably. what i mean is there any neets who are getting secs from nonhookers at the time of their neetness? or even has a gf? neets with a gf? dont make me laugh hahahaha.

ate way too much at dinner again. went over limit of 1200 for the day.

now i CAN get all the way up to 1500 and not GAIN weight. ie 1500 is muh BMR. well i got to like 1450 today.

lesson: if your one Big Meal is a huge meal at a restaurant, that will put you well above 1200 unless you do a LOT of ezercise that day. like 500 calories at least. which some people can do in 30 minutes of running. not me. takes a solid hour of dam jogging.

sheeeeeeeeeeeit well i found the company THAT WOMAN works for and it is pretty damn close to muh house. well i saw a posting from the company on indeed and looked at it, then looked up the location of the company. it was about 2 or 3 miles from muh house.  thankfully i never go that way.

well i am now mad that she gets a job that is close to her home, closer than the last one. and that she can handle taking help desk calls.

well maybe she cant! maybe they put her on phones and she flipped the fook out because she’s not used to phones.

and it doesnt matter! it just sucks that i still think about her at all!

because i havent found a good REPLACEMENT for the positive stuff i got from her. namely a good connection with a decent woman, a real rel. its easy to have casual secs (well, not for me) but its HARD to have a real rel. real rels are inherently noncasual. they are long term. it is HARD to replace that shit.

and i am not happy at myself, that i looked up the exact location of the company. but i saw the company randomly on indeed, without searching for it, saw it was located in a city near mine which is a small city with nothing but machine shops (and i should really get a job at one of those, but then i might see her hahahahaha) and i was surprised that this type of company was in that city, THEN i looked up the exactly location, which, because it was in this small city, was OF COURSHE going to be close to me.

THEORETICALLY she could stop at the huge grocery store near here, to or from going to her job, and i could see her at the store, because this is the grocery store nearest to my home, and i go there regularly. was there today.

this is what happens 15 months after someone you never even fooked or dated dumps you hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

heh i applied to an Entry Level Data Entry job which ive applied to this same job 3 or 4 times. it just keeps appearing and appearing. i apply and apply. it gets hundreds of applicants every time. why keep opening it. very fishy. this time i totally forgot to change the name of the company from my previous cover letter. (i did change it the first time its mentioned, in the first paragraph, but forgot to do the second time, in the third paragraph.) sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit. now i am probably on a blacklist and should never apply to that job again. its disgraceful they even post the job so often. i am sure there si high turnover, lots of blacks. why cant they call me!!!!!!!!

yeah but i want a company that posts jobs rather than never posts jobs, right? even if they already HAVE all the candidates they could possibly need????

that feel when you get to 5 jobs in 1 day for the first time in a while because youve been getting discouraged and slowing down, then find out 1 of those is DEFINITELY disqualified because you made that stupid mistake.

thing is, they probably wouldnt even really care.

i hate that dumb blacks can get these jobs just because they dont have Anxiety HAHAHAHAHAHA no i am just partly kidding. its not because of Anxiety that i dont get these jobs, because i hide the anxiety FAIRLY well on interviews and fake my way as being MOSTLY normie with a normie level of interview anxiety. but it is very true that blacks have less anxiety than whites. its just the way they are wired. so they can aggressively grab women by the pvssy and impregnate as many women as possible in a total r selection strategy. and the women love it.

 

TO AN OMEGA, BETA IS ALPHA

aug 21

heh. on a sunday. get two rejection emails on a sunday for the hospital that i am interviewing at tomorrow. from the same woman i will be talking to tomorrow. thats always a confidence builder. get rejected for two jobs by a person the day before you are going to interview with that person for a third job. i mean the jobs seem about in the same ballpark of skill, except the one tomorrow is part time. maybe i am only qualified for part time jobs at this point in my life hahahaha.

the good LORD is inviting me to listen to this GRIS album finally. i really am looking for something slightly more atmospheric than depressive per SE, but “atmospheric” is kinda a big umbrella that arguably gave rise to BOTH “blackgaze” AND “depressive”. Gris is often lumped in as DSBM but they seem to be also More than that, so at the end of the day, “atmospheric” might be the more accurate genre hehehe. i hear their other album is good too. they are known for good songwriting. good for them.  i listened to 20 seconds of this one and 20 seconds of that one, and decided I liked the production on this one better. the other one was more trebly black metal, not bad though. i hope there are SOME blast beats in there.

two fookin interviews tomorrow, what do i look like, a damn machine.

gris album sounds promising. really bass heavy, i was surprised by that. its not bad, just weird. was hoping for a heavier guitar sound tbh. the vokills are really good though. very pained agonizing niege-like screaming, i guess this is sorta “DSBM”-y.  but the music seems Sophisticated and a bit Progressive without being too Alternative Shoegaze Postrock. i mean these guys USED to wear corpsepaint 10 years ago hahahaha. GOOD.

damn 11k a year part time job, i shouldnt even be preparing for this interview. they reject me for every other high school GED job though.

i have applied to FORTY-EIGHT jobs at this hospital in the past 4-5 months, and this is the FIRST interview i have gotten from them. unbelievable. see i wasnt surprised that my degree was useless, but i thought the Reputation of my Well Reputed School would be able to get me one of these High School Graduate jobs and not have to apply to 48 of them with the first interview being for a crummy 11 dollar an hour part time job, hehehehehe. i knew the degree was useless, but I didnt think it was THAT useless, and I thought the name recognition was worth more too.

IM SORRY. MY FAULT. I WAS WRONG, YOU WERE RIGHT.

I thought the name recognition alone would get me a 12 dollar an hour full time job EASILY.

NOT EVEN CLOSE.

well theres a lot of factors here, like its not like i just graduated. i am not a Recent Graduate at all! plus i have a Long Gap of Unemployment where I was obviously not going to University!

the other interview tomorrow pays a lot moar and is a lot closer. you could actually live off this and have a FAMILY. a WAIFU and HUHWHYTE CHILD or CHILDREN. take out a huge 30 year mortgage and hope your neighborhood stays white and your home does not lose value. good luck with that. because FEDZOG is gonna stick some section 8 houses in there at some point. everywhere hahahaha. i mean its really up to the landlord innit? do they want to take section 8 money or not?

http://www.hud.gov/apps/section8/

heheheheheh

aug 22

well this is a FIRST, I went to the hospital looking all good and did my typing test and got 59 words a minute, not too good but they were only asking for 30 not 60 or 70 or 80 hahahaha. the HR lady was nice and she was like the supervisor is very nice and down to earth, don’t be nervous, i was like, thank you, i dont get as nervous any more hahahaha. but then when we got in there, it took a strange turn, like you are overqualified for this, you will be BORED at this job, bored out of your mind, what were you making at your previous job, i told them, and it was uhhh 3.50 an hour more than what this position was paying. yeah i think that was the finishing fatality right there. i said well i am perfectly fine with “boring” tasks, I like a routine, and also that I was making a conscious effort to branch out past the IT/Computers field, because I hate being in a call center taking calls from angry people all day and getting confused and flustered hahahaha no i didnt tell them that but I almost wish I could!

it wasnt even a real interview but i will count it anyway because i had to get dressed and drive out there and i thought it was gonna be an interview!

there was a super duper qt young gurl in the HR office waiting with me for her interview. no older than 22. ridic qt. but she had brown hair and brown eyes and might have had some nonwhite in her. but i would have gladly betrayed my race with her hahahahahahahaha. i mean i dont SEE qt early 20s gurls like this every day, im not in COLLEGE any more!

and when you are in COLLEGE, you see HUNDREDS of gurls like this every day! its RIDICULOUS! talk about abundance! then when you get out of college, theyre nowhere to be found. i guess they go on to their illustrious careers making more money than me. being challenged. stretched out of their comfort zone hahahahaha.

sheeeeit i would LOVE to be bored on the job. but they caught me off guard and I saw there would be no convincing them. the hospital recruiter said she would forward my name to other departments so that i could be i dunno maybe NOT rejected for the other 47 jobs i applied for at the hospital. then made some remark that i should be focused on “good fit” and not just trying to get any old job, because you dont want to seem desperate. well she said it in a very tactful way so i did not take offense.

there was also a young black gurl in the HR office waiting for an interview who was obv kinda “GHETTO” and did not know how to dress or speak properly. no references hahaha.

so how should i respond to these types of things? tell them, no i dont think i’d be bored? i can’t say i AM desperate and i’ll take anything. i can’t say i’m emotionally unstable and can’t handle high pressure work, so i’d PREFER Boring work. i guess i could Give Them My word that, if hired, I would stay in the position for 1 year minimum and be the best employee they ever had, going above and beyond, well outside of the job description. yeah i guess thats the best thing to say. i would proactively find challenging, difficult, stressful problems to solve, and made sure that it was a struggle to survive each day without blowing my brains out hahahahaha. push myself to the LIMIT EVERY DAY.

its not a real job if it doesnt make you want to blow your brains out! where every day you are tempted to Walk Out and Ragequit or Panicquit without a backup plan!

well i sent the woman a thank you email anyway. waiting for my second “interview” of the day which she would certainly agree is a better fit for me. a computer/IT related job that pays 42k a year. shit to me that is TOO much. I am UNDERQUALIFIED for this one. OVERqualified for the “lab assistant” job. which she described as boring “DATA ENTRY.” I guess I could have told her I am looking EXACTLY for data entry. anything beyond that is too stressful.

I told her, well, the job description was kinda vague, I interpreted this more as an “Administrative Assistant.”

at the same time i did not want to fight with them too much. ok if you really dont want to interview me for this job, then fine. then stop rejecting me for the other jobs!

but i think going out there and taking the damn typing test and presenting myself was worth some Brownie Points, and might get me moved into some Internal Good Boy Pool. Best case scenario hahahaha.

well now i can start smoking ciagarets again hahahaha.

there were 4 people in there for interviews at 10 am on monday. at the hospital. i mean its a bigass hospital.

the unimpressive young black gurl, but good for her for trying to get a Job, but my god my white privilege was embarrassingly visible over her black disprivilege; the super cute 21 year old gurl. she was wearing a knee-length skirt (good) and non high heels (good!) in other words, she wasnt dressed like a business whore or a whore in general, which made me think “LOW NUMBER. LOW N. N<5. GOOD.” but she might have been partially something nonwhite. who knows. maybe she was just Italian or something hahahahahahaha. Trust me, Uncle Adi would totally have given me a pass on this one.  I SHOULD have struck up Small Talk conversation with her. i am sure she was nervous about an interview too.

and now i;m writing this bullshit when i should be studying for my MUCH MORE IMPORTANT INTERVIEW at 1;45.

ok i am back from that. it was OK but for the feeling that i was being rushed along. short and sweet. 45 minutes scheduled for the interview. i started rambling as I often do. well early on they stopped me and said we only have 45 minutes, lets try to keep it short and sweet, and I said “I understand completely. Will Do.”  hahahaha.   i had to answer honestly that I did did not know microsoft spcc. also i am not good at writing my own scripts and would need direction.  the IT supervisor seemed like a Nice Man and he had a huge beard and a keychain that said “#1 Dad”. He was about my age. the other people were HR and or project managers. I tried to go as quickly as I could. they said they were interviewing 3 people. I was very happy with the compensation and benefits. was, am. I got a little nervous trying to answer everything quickly. they even snuck in a “FUN” question about my favorite game or movie or TV show. I said welp I know there are probably a lot of gamers in here, I am not up on modern gaming, but I used to be really good at mario kart 64.

they asked me muh greatest accomplishment and i said gradjooating from Kollige, and also succeeding at my previous position, which was very challenging. a good Personal and Professional Growth experience it was, I said.

forgot to squeeze in the shit I had studied about the department. the 2 million dollar upgrade in 2013 or whatever.

i saw a big command center for some kind of emergency dispatch. there was like a 500 foot tv that is the most expensive piece of equipment in the county hahahahaha. i wonder how much taxpayer dollars went to that monstrosity. that would not be used by the IT department though. I dont think. well really it was like 50 10 foot tvs making up one ridiculously large screen. i mean why not have a projection like a movie screen. this was like a bunch of super large tvs. horry sheet. county executive gets some great photo ops there, and nonunion wagies can bitch about it in the local newspaper disqus comments, where I upvote all the racist and antiunion and right wing and grumpy comments.

so basically the woman from the hospital was saying, dont apply for rinky dink easy 11 dollar an hour part time jobs, it LOOKS DESPERATE.

but you ARE desperate, and also desperate for something that isnt so high stress that you will have another nervous breakdown. these NORMIES dont know what its like to be on the Edge every day!

i mean im not on the edge RIGHT NOW, but when i was working i was! like holy shit i cant handle this, i HAVE TO QUIT.

panic every damn day. not knowing how you are gonna make it through every single day. none of these people i see in interviews are like this. when you are in a state of constant on edge ness, it shows. heh. i probably show that (as well as muh desperation) in muh interviews.

there will be SOME phone work in the tech job that i interviewed for today, but it seems well worth it. there is all ready a “call taker” and we would be doing other tasks than constantly answering phones. plus it pays FOOKING 42 GRAND A YEAR, PLUS BENEFITS LIKE HEALTH INSURANCE, PAID TIME OFF, 401K with like 5% matching. it would be enough to LIVE ON, and have a WIFE, and have your own house not in a section 8 ghetto, and not be ashamed of yourself whenever you meet new people or women.  and proudly announce, I am a 35 year old man who makes 42 grand a year as a bla bla. and things are going pretty well thank you. i am happy where i am at. FINALLY, FOR THE FIRST TIME.

said there are THREE people interviewing. surprised they told me that. so I automatically have a 33% chance going in. well i was nervous and rushed today, so that probably brought me down to my average of 5% chance. (figuring 1 out of 20 interviews will lead to an offer. even if only 3 people are finalists hahahaha.)

i keep forgetting the asian company might call me back for a second interview.

its just….sheeeeeeeit that god damn pseudo interview is starting to rub me the wrong way. just go through the interview, it can be FAST, let me at least talk to the supervisor, but to shut down the interview after 1 question like that was just WEIRD and it really does not sit too well with me! but i realize people make mistakes and fook things up all the time, and i really dont think she was being intentionally bitchy. but shit. ever stop to think i might LIKE or WANT a boring easy job? because unstable panicky weirdos need to work too!

but i dont want to always be the panicky weak weird unstable emotional basket case nutjob who cant handle shit!

the haves and havenots. these NORMIES who HAVE their jobs and wives and normie lives and go to work every day, make 30 grand a year, have health insurance, can afford a home not in a drug crime jungle ghetto, dont want to blow their brains out every day, are not constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

got a call from this testing company today about possible interview. call from actual manager. looked him up on linkedin before calling. got voice mail. left message. would not mind getting this Entry Level Testing Technician job close to home. I think I offered them 13.50 an hour after using glassdoor to get an estimate. however i have no experience. there is talk about lean manufacturing, six sigma, bla bla bla. do they explain those terms to the people who talk about them like they know what they mean? i have NO idea what these terms mean.

lean, agile, scrum, waterfall, its all the same bullshit to me.

but see some of the stuff is NOT bullshit. like Root Cause Analysis. they actually asked me about this in the interview today. I had to tell the truth that I did not have any formal training or work in this, but that I showed the initiative to try to determine root cause on my own because I knew how important it was. but there was no system or procedure. it was more throwing spaghetti against the wall and making it stick. only the top 20% level 1 monkeys even KNEW was root cause WAS. And I dont even know if i know what it really means. but my idea of Root Cause is that it is legitmately, no bullshit, actually imporatnt.

so i tried to bullshit and say, in a good way, that i have no actual training in root cause, but that I know its important and I tried to do it as best as I could without help or guidance or any idea if i was doing it right. like i guess it is an ACTUAL science. theres a right way and a wrong way. sheeeeeeit. that would involve teaching your level 1 wagies BEST PRACTICES rather than just throwing them in the deep end.

again its like fookin feral children. nell. you speak a weird feral language. you learn how to swim with the worst akwardest doggy paddling form. you have TERRIBLE FORM. that makes actually knowledgeable CRINGE. I cant believe we let him get away with that! welp back to our meetings and internet surfing, they have calls to answer.

hehehehe this is almost like low grade post traumatic stress hahahaha.

and that god damn WOMAN doesnt have to do 20 interviews, she doesnt need to know root cause analysis, she doesnt need to do Learning of her own Initiative, and she is a Full Year ahead of me with Work Experience! fooook that bitch! she doesnt need to DO anything because theres always some beta bitchboi who will do shit for the pretty gurl! she never needs to use her stupid brain and can smoke MJ all day! and make fookin 32 grand a year hahahaha.

i make her sound so evil and manipulative and she is not. she was never the type to take advantage of the supplications of white knights. but shit. how could you not, being surrounded by white knights all day.

i would! but i wouldnt “take advantage” of them. if anything i would be the one BEGGING for HELP. PLS HALP MEEEEEEEEEEE IM DROWNINGGGGGGG.

but yeah i kinda wish she CARED about how i was doing. the Year Of Pain where I struggled to Get Over Her, and now this struggle with job search. we used to talk about jobs and how ridiculously hard it was to find a good one. and now she has passed me up and left me in the dust. but not if i got one of these 40k+ jobs!

but nobody wants to hire me becuase i Seem Desperate and have been Long Term Unemployed.  this is the biggest loser a man can be. Jobs arent interested in him and WOMEN for DAMN sure arent interested in him in the LEAST. there is NOTHING more UNATTRACTIVE to a woman than a jobless bum. well, apart from a supplicating, weak omega male. and at least half of them have jobs hahahaha. try being the other half without a job.

and i hate the feeling that she was too GOOD for me, and i wasnt good enough for her.

but these employers are basically saying that i am too good for their 11 dah PT job and shouldnt even be applying!

well then reject me like you rejected me on all the others!

well, THOSE i got rejected because i was applying too INDISCRIMINATELY, and the HR dept NOTICED my SHOTGUN approach. He’s not TRYING hard enough, reject him. but call him in for this mickey mouse job….then tell him he’s overqualified and would be bored. wtf.

see its hard to make any real SENSE out of it, and again, i dont think there IS any lesson to be learned. just keep plugging away. like jack sprat on his fat ugly hambeast of a wife.

i mean i do UNDERESTIMATE myself and think i’m only worth 11 dollars an hour. maybe I AM really worth 42k a year!

well i know im worth AT LEAST 15 dollars an hour because i made that at one time! hahahaha.

but im not worth a nonslutty 25 year old n<4 woman who is chill and not super dramatic. well she turned out to be hahahaha. all women are capable of severe drama. even the ones who seem chill. but you know what i mean. some women are just EXCRUCIATING and OBNOXIOUS after you have spent an hour with them. like holy shit i wouldnt want to date her! its like its SO HARD for a woman to be NICE and PLEASANT and NOT OBNOXIOUS. and she succeeded very well, and that was VERY important to me.

i never had a “FUN” interview question until today. what is your favorite game, movie, or tv show. i smiled and said thats a good question. then told them i listened to nazi fascist white supremacist podcasts erry day, and depressive suicidal black metal, and all sorts of black metal black metal black metal, oh and some death metal and doom metal too, and i dont watch jooish tv or movies cuz all that is jooish filth, i stopped watching game of thrones because its jooish filth, i only watch crime shows and married at first sight and muh fav movies are mulholland drive, i stand alone, and the turin horse hahahahaha. basically really fooked up movies that if you ever saw them, you would think i was a fooked up maniac and completely unemployable.

so you have your NORMIE answers. and i did. i went with normie vidya games like mario kart because i legit loved mario kart 64 back in the day. i also like normie tv shows like breaking bad and jeopardy and king of the hill, and normie music like……tom waits? no, not normie at all. like a bunch of classic rock like led zeppelin and neil young and all that stuff. pink floyd, sure. grateful dead. people USED to listen to the grateful dead at least! i like normie movies like…………………i havent even SEEN a lot of newer normie movies. i like forrest gump and goodfellas and…. i cant even say kubrick cuz only WEIRDOS like kubricks WEIRD movies. im a movie buff or used to be, i swear….i just like weird movies 4 unemployable weirdos!!!!! shall we craft customized cover letters whilst watching the turin horse hahahahaha.

and the next time i actually WATCH turin horse i will probably be like yeah this movie IS totally overrated, I cant believe i fell for such obvious BULLSHIT. this is SO pretentious and bullshitty. you really do need to be in the mood for that one, hahahah.

also i am a white nationalist and a woman hater, hire me hahahahaha.  but i have VERY GOOD people skills and problem solving skills. no im not married and no i dont have any kids. THAT I KNOW OF, HAHAHAHAHAHA. but seriously folks. i havent been with a woman in over 10 years, for more than 4 weeks, EVER. hahahahahaha.

did 5 mile powerwalk. listened to some more of that gris album. the vocals are pretty much ideal and what i would try to do if i could write black metal type music. i love the tortured scream type vocals. but i guess i was looking for something with slightly catchier riffs and a somewhat diff guitar tone. i like the prominent bass and the bass playing is very catchy and the bass tone itself is great…….and i like for example opeth morningrise that has crazy bass….but i dunno it needs to be turned down a little bit, and the guitar turned a little up. but the vocals are pretty much perfect. love that style.

now going to try this album by saor

which is atmospheric black metal with folkish pagan bits where the folk element is scottish/scots type stuff. i of course luv scotland and scots and have yet to hear some “atmoblack” with that particular element. give it a try. the guy from panopticon playing drums. should probably give panopticon a try too. i like the idea of one guy in damn kentucky being a one man black metal machine. atmoblack hahahaha. i luv the idea of atmospheric black metal, but lets keep the hipster blackgaze stuff to a minimum however. but atmospheric black metal has been a thing since the early 90s.  and i have been a huge fan of “hvis lyset tar oss” and “filosofem” for many, many years.

you can be really “progressive” with black metal or you can be really “regressive” and it still works. now i dont like progressive anything except for a little bit in the musical sense. get really creative. i mean its not easy to do it well. but black metal is just possibly the best type of music hahahaha. IMHO. hehehehe.

heh got up at an almost respectable time of 645 am today. real working mans hours.

 

DEEP IN THE FEELS

912

yeah i WILL get over this which is good, but it will also naturally leave a void in muh life where she used to be, so i guess i have not felt this void since say 2012 maybe. getting over the inital shock, but now have to get used to the idea of Life Without Her. damn. not easy.

even before i got feelings for her, there was still the Benefit of Having A Friend and that meant something, that is never easy to lose. she was an Important Person to me before i got feelings!

or was she? during that time i was keep her at a distance because i was worried abotu her getting feelings for me. BUT IT WAS A FRIENDLY DISTANCE! it foreshadowed some of the communication problems because we didnt talk about those things, however i didnt avoid her either. i hung out with her, i responded to her, we had friendly talks about other things. plus i really dont think she had feelings for me, at least nowhere near as strong as the feelings i later got for her.

a FRIENDLY distance, as opposed to the completely UNFRIENDLY distance she was giving me!

great way to end things! damn!

but while we were friends she was a sweet and tender and gentle gurl, feminine in the best possible way, without being overly “girly” in the sense of stupid fashion and such. she did not dress or look like a typical MOdern girly girl but she was sweet and kind and gentle like a traditional woman was. i really appreciated that and certainly it was one of the things that eventually led me to Get Feelings.

but yeah i am not supposed to remember the Good Times too much. just shrink them down and let them disappear. remember the Bad Stuff. that is why the Rel Ended.

like her completely ignoring me and refusing to talk to me, and losing interest in me, and just Stopping Liking Me. what did i do to make you stop liking me? well i got feelings and was Annoying about wanting to hang out. the end.

but yeah i am makign some progress. but now the more long term stuff begins: getting used to life Without Her. life just seems emptier and more drab and less exciting and beautiful and fun, more gray and boring and hopeless hahaaha.

i guess she was MORE fun and exciting when i finally transitioned over and “allowed myself” to Luv her. Maybe I COULD have done that earlier if she hadnt had the long term boifran when i met her! I honestly respect the rel she had with him and wanted them to fix it. only when they ended like a year and a half later, did i start thinking in a different way: well she is now AVAILABLE, and we are good friends, get along well, and she is young, and not ugly, no kids, not a whore, low number, the idea was planted in my head.

THEN the new boifran came along very mysteriously and under the radar and THEN i thought wtf, if him, why not me? and that really sealed the deal.

see i wanted to TELL her all this stuff, kinda just tell her the STORY, but never got the chance. i told the story basically in emails 2 thru 4 but not sure if she read those. MAYBE 2, but not so likely on 3 and 4.

yeah when you have a good thing you hope for it to END in a good way, not the shittiest way ever. oh well life goes on hahahaha.

anyway if you ever have a decent female friend where you ask yourself, what the hell is wrong with me that i do not have feelings for her, then talk to her about it and give it a few months, you can probably GET feels.

assuming:

no long term rel which you sincerely dont want to interfere with.

she is not fat and ugly and old and has kids and you find her blatantly unattractive. that really is important.  cuz i would look at muh female former friend and say you know its not like she is ugly, or fat, or old, or has kids, what the hell is wrong with ME that i dont find her attractive?

well, you will probably get over that sense of “weirdness” once she is out of her Serious Relationship and starting to date someone new, and then you will think “why not me” and then you will be Deep In The Feels before you know it! and then you will be in a World of Pain before you know it! and pray to GOD to take these painful feels away and put the horse back in the barn! put the genie back in the bottle!

heh now reading woman hating comments on websites like women are stupid retarded sluts who do not deserve respect, and i think, yes many times they are, but my female fren wasnt like that, but oh wait we are no longer frens and she rejected muh feelings. so i found the .0001% woman who is good looking AND nice AND young AND not slutty AND not crazy, where even the woman haters would say DAMN you better lock this one UP, well i tried to date her but she was not into it AT ALL.

it hurts moar to get rejected by a decent woman than a total pig slut wearing yoga pants to high school letting all the boys see dat 16 year old ass hole & beef curtainz.

but mah gurl would never wear yoga pants like a huge slut.

well maybe she DOES, i only ever saw her at the job because she STOPPED hanging out with me hahaha.

yeah to go from hanging out, to never hanging out, that sucks. cuz you had something and then you lost it.

now all the sluts call me a woman hater because i use words like slut, and slut shame a bit. well because i thinks its shameful to gamble on you getting preggers like that.

well at this moment i wouldnt mind a slut to s muh d and help me forget about the perfect woman who rejected me.

muh perfect angel!

i fell in luv with her because she was the best woman i knew. i cannot imagine meeting one who is as good or better. wawawawawawawawa. all the other women pale in comparison: sluttier, uglier, older, meaner. wawawawawaw.

or how about i go a few more years being hateful and lonely and then meet another woman who is nowhere near as good as her, but i think she is, just because its been so long since i had any contact with a woman.

fook yeah i still want her to take me back! i am sorry for cheating on you and beating you and ignoring you and forgetting your birthday and never showing affection and making you feel worthless and never communicating and being so distant and never hanging out with you and losing interest you and falling out of luv withyou and …… oh wait hahahahaha.

possibly my problem was i apologized TOO MUCH. i was apologizing because i was desperate to get along with her. but apologizing basically means that you acknowledge being a horrible asshole who was in the wrong; an admission of guilt!!!!!

so i was saying yes master i am just as bad as you think i am! yes i am horrible for wanting to talk about the things that will eventually kill our relship because i couldnt read the stupid signals that you wanted to be done permanently because i thought you might want to reconcile after a while, because we had a good couple of years, and i am not a fookin MIND READER.

did a 3 miler. getting fall like out there. good time of year to cuddle with a female friend hahahahahahaha fook that bullshit.

maybe i should just trip out on acid and mushrooms erry day. well, erry 3 days.

going to see old friend today for first time in a while, he has no idea muh life is ruined. last time i saw him i was still working and talking to female fren hahahahahahahaha.

anyway sometimes he greatly disappoints me with his drinking however sometimes he impresses me with his not drinking. basically he should learn from me and never drink again. besides i could probably start drinking moderately again. he def cannot. and it is very disappointing when he starts drinking around you, because he starts slamming drinks and getting drunk fast and making everyone around him angry and disappointed. but i think he might be in a good phase now. when he is in a good phase, he is all right.

http://www.npr.org/2015/02/02/383335110/economists-say-millennials-should-consider-careers-in-trades

npr does patronizing story about millennials going into the trades rather than college even though npr is for college liberal arts fags who either get masters degrees and work at nonprofits, or phds and and become academics, or work at starbucks or become neets like me, or SJW communist marxist traitors hahahaha

SEX should be PRIVATE, INTIMATE and SACRED (or at least SPECIAL), something you dont talk about, something you do only with Special, Trusted, Intimate People. not a lot of people!


Kristopher Heinekamp • 7 months ago
As a millennial looking to possibly transition into a skilled trade (since teaching has zero job security), I’m a bit cautious
.
One of the difficult things about our modern economy is acknowledging that automation and outsourcing has eliminated a lot of jobs. The media likes to try and mask this problem by harping on these “high growth” fields or some “skills gap” myth (wages aren’t increasing, so there isn’t really a skills gap).
While it SOUNDS GOOD to say that resolving the unemployment of young people by encouraging them to go into these skilled trades, this really isn’t going to solve much of anything. Of course, we have the “shocking” stories now about how the Boomers/Gen X made mistakes by encouraging everyone to go to college, because now there is a surplus of college graduates. It looks like this is exactly what we’re preparing to do with skilled trades. There are just not enough jobs, but admitting that is politically problematic, so what is the response? We push and corral kids back and forth, chasing whatever fleeting glimmer of “jobs” we see. The Millennials are a larger group than the Boomers, and Gen X’ers are still working. After automation and outsourcing, there are not going to be enough jobs. That’s the problem. Pushing Millennials to get MORE education and MORE training is laughable. Once we have that, then we’re STILL turned down for jobs because we don’t have “experience.” I was at a job fair today. “We’re DESPERATE for machinists!” I say I’d be willing to do it if they’re willing to train, and the response is, “Oh…uhh….well, we really are only hiring experienced people.” Must be that SKILLS GAP, eh!?
The concrete numbers are quite startling. I found the number for the state of Wisconsin: http://worknet.wisconsin.gov/w&#8230;

Welding is often mentioned (and something I did in High School, and I liked, so what I was considering), but let’s look at what we’re really talking about. For ALL welding related jobs in Wisconsin, we’re talking about an increase of 730 jobs over a TEN YEAR PERIOD. Even assuming each and ever welder in Wisconsin retires (which they won’t), we’re talking about 3,560 jobs available in 2020.
AND, the kicker? The welding training program at my local community college is already at capacity…they aren’t taking anyone else in for now.
Now, JUST for this 2014-2015 year, the University of Wisconsin-Madison has 29,302 undergraduate students. That’s only four years worth of Millennials at ONE college.
Do we seriously think we can transfer all these college-bound students into the skilled trades?
What we’re going to do is exactly what we’ve done with college graduates; force a huge mess of kids into a career path, causing oversaturation, causing increased unemployment. Then, we can have self-righteous articles about how smart we are because these dumb kids made bad decisions.

When it gets REALLY FUN is when we look at ACTUAL JOB OPENINGS: http://worknet.wisconsin.gov/w&#8230;

There just aren’t really enough good jobs to go round anymore. Our parents and grandparents spent the last 30 years outsourcing and automating jobs in order to bolster their 401(k)’s, and this is the reality we’re left with. Go ahead, lecture us on how “irresponsible” we were for listening to you all. Tell us about the “high growth” sectors. Tell us about “STEM” jobs. Make sure you do this right after you get that pension and Social Security money. Just don’t – whatever you do – look at the actual numbers.
Let’s go yell at kids on the Madison campus! We can tell them how dumb they are for going to college. Let’s tell them about how hard it was to get a job at the Union factory when you were their age, with that High School diploma. Let’s tell them about a “high-growth” industry like HVAC! Let’s tell them about those 130 new jobs over the next TEN YEARS! Boy, they’re going to feel silly! And we’re going to feel smug! A real win-win!

comment in that npr trades article basically saying its hopeless hahahaha i like this guy

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110414190114AASdfyn

what skilled trade should i do

they recommend electrician or hvac hahaha

http://www.forbes.com/sites/emsi/2013/03/07/americas-skilled-trades-dilemma-shortages-loom-as-most-in-demand-group-of-workers-ages/

something about skills gap but apparently skills gap is bullshit because even vocational skools dont train on these skills? and its impossible to get into an actual on the job training / apprenticeship program?