WE NEET VIRGINS CANT EVEN GET SLOPPY SEVENTHS

nov 23

had weird interesting dream. i was back in college setting, house where i lived, room where i lived, classic house, classic room, some good memories. IRL it was a huge room. in dream there were like 20 people in 20 beds in the room. i was in one. qt gurl was on top of my and had agreed to Teach Me The Ways About Secs because she was wayyyyyy more experienced than me, kind of secs positive SLUT. but she was really qt and nice to me and really not that patronizing. it was woman2007-8, this crazy blond mudshark slut that i was semi friends with for a while and boy did i have no game with her! but she was qt as hell and i sorta liked her and i would prob still give her a chance, if she werent a mudshark, and she got a nicer personality, and she gave ME a chance!

so she gets on top of me and i get very excited and she says, ok you just be patient and in a while i will come back and we will make out and have secs and it will be fun and i wont go too fast!

i was legit excited. except i would prefer that we could get started now and not have me wait 1, 2, 3, ? hours for her to come back.

also in these dreams i rarely ever ACTUALLY make out or have secs with the women. i am often close to them, touching them, cuddling, but never actually going that further step of making out or esp secs.

she leaves.  a few beds down this guy is having secs with his gf and she is making mad O face and he looks pretty chilled and stoned. its a guy i knew like 9 years ago and went to high school with but was never close friends with, but i respected him as a really really nice and good guy, and if i spent more time with him, he had good friend potential. and the dream gf for him was his real life wife. they had a baby i am pretty sure. i am glad for that, he would be a great father and should have at least 3 children. anyway no idea why they appeared in the dream.

most of the other people in the room were degen perverts doing weird ass fetish things. there were these perverted blacks trying to get people to use this weird Sex Machine where the guy got his Rectum Probed by this Anal Probe. I was like um no, not interested. and they were trying to sell me on it, like its super fun, everyone’s doing it, and they were!

i was like well this whole room is full of degen perverts, cant i have some goddam PRIVACY? so i went out of the room and explored the house.

all the other rooms were very similar. basically a huge house orgy, with people having secs everywhere. the idea was that all these gurls were hookers, prostitutes. this light-skinned black gurl started flirting with me and was implying, follow me and we will have secs. i felt kinda weird about race mixing like that, but i figured because it was casual hooker secs and she looked very good for a negress hahahaha. top 10%.

but then i felt like i would be “CHEATING” on the first woman. i didnt realize yet what exactly was going on in this house, and that all the women were hookers. i got nervous and tried to worm out of the situation. also i felt weird that she wanted to have secs with all these damn people in the room watching. i got out of there.

the rest of the dream, i went around looking for the first woman, in rooms full of hookers having secs. I bumped into her a couple times in passing. she was like, just wait for me in the first room, i’ll be back there as soon as I can.

at one point i saw her in another room sucking this sleazy looking guys D, and I felt weird. jealousy like she was so nice to me, and stupid like yeah shes a HOOKER, this is WHAT SHE DOES, sucking and fookin lots of guys. I might like eating sausage but I just saw the sausage getting made. The Ugly Truth.

then i tried finding OTHER hookers I thought were qt so i could maybe have secs with them while waiting. 90% of the hookers were Occupied. I found 2 or 3 hookers and approached them but got either rejected or the runaround every time, which was frustrating.

i went back to the original room which like every room in the house, was like a damn sodom and gomorrah.  i was like this is really sleazy, but i like this gurl, even though she IS a sleazy hooker. cant we just get this over with already. ill have secs with her in front of all these people because her body pressed on mine will be worth it.  and i truly believed that. i could make that leap. yeah she was a degen but i liked her, she gave great service hahaha. give her hooker of the month award.

i walked around nervously. went outside front door where MUH FAMILY was waiting. SURPRISE VISIT hahahaha. i was like oh god theyve caught me red handed in this sodom and gomorrah, they will be so disappointed to think i LIVE here!

and i was like yeah it is more degen than i’d like…..but i really really really want to bang this gurl. also i think i like her, maybe she can be my gf and ultimately wife. she seems like a nice gurl.

i just want some nondegen secs with a GF, and this is the degen place i have to go to get it.

so yeah lots of pretty obviously meanings here.

my mistake was feeling so positively about the woman, rather than thinking she Special and Different from all the degen hookers in the place. because she was sucking and fooking like the rest of them, and would make a horrible gf and wife. so she just happened to be NICE to me. GREAT. just showed how unused i was to qt wimmin being NICE to me.

heh in RL she was never THAT nice to me. because she had an awful personality, was a huge bitch all the time. i honestly dont know how i became friendly with her for like 2 months haha.well cuz she showed SOME niceness and SOME interest in me. that quickly faded out tho. when she saw how boring and beta i was hahaha. and wasnt a hip musician or black thug with herpes. i did have a drinking problem tho! hahaha.

she was legit very qt but was prob bipolar, maybe borderline, huge slut, huge daddy issues, because father was a legit deadbeat. sad. dont do that to white children. then they grow up into ruined mudshark crazy sluts.

TRY TO MAKE YOUR FATHER PROUD OF YOU. BUT NONE OF THESE WOMEN HAVE FATHERS.

and its sad when theres a white man who doesnt care enough about his white daughter to be PROUD of her or not.

no WONDER the woman does things no father would be PROUD of.

anyway. the dream points out how i think that normie women or sluts are LITERALLY whores. like prostitutes, efficiently fooking and sucking one guy after another. but they can still be nice to you, its essentially just Great Customer Service. but youre not even really a customer because theyre doing it for free because they Luv Secs and Secsual Freedom and License. but in my mind, right or wrong, theyre still very much like prostitutes.

heh i even saw in the dream a young wimmin i used to work with at the horrible job. there were 3 attractive women there: That Woman, and two other young women. I would like liked to bang all of them, maybe even Date any of them, but i never really talked to the other women unfortunately. the one who appeared in a dream was a real obnoxious annoying bitch and she thought that made her cute or funny or something. but she had a nice body hahaha.

also it shows how if a woman is nice and friendly to you, and she fooks you and all that, you can START getting feelings for her even if you dont know here, even if you know shes a wh0re. that combination of niceness, and interest, and secs, or even just making out, that can produce oxytocin and Feelings. so you shouldnt have secs with people you just met. but thats how modern women Date. you literally cannot Go Slow Because then she wont see you as a Secsual Person (im not gonna use the word friendzone, but yeah thats essentially what it is. you can say you cant put me in the friendzone, im ending this failing friendship! but in the end you still get nothing either way hahahaha.)

heh. FEDGOV intermittent 12 dollar job called me today and said they were doing interviews right when i am starting my new job. JEEEEEEEEEZ. if it had been a week earlier i would have said yes. now i just let it go to voicemail and i thinking should i call them back in the afternoon. very on fence. i just want to take a break from job searching and get good at muh new job. but i wish the new job were a proper full time job so i wouldnt have to do more job searching ASAP!

i mean its “intermittent” or “casual” which means you arent guaranteed 40 hours. you might just get 20 hours. or 10 hours. then 50 hours. then some split shifts. work for 3 hours. then go home for 6 hours. then go back to work for 5 hours. also there are no sick fedgov benefits.

so. whores might be friendly to you and you might even get feelings for them. but when they are not with you they are out there fooking tons of other guys. dont get feelings for whores. fook them at your convenience, and ideally, just stay away from these degen jooish influences.

http://www.howtogeek.com/247380/how-to-fix-windows-update-when-it-gets-stuck/

this is enough technical support for me, trying to fix my own tech issues. better than a broken hard drive tho. but apparently when you reinstall windows 7 in 2016 it runs into issues with windows update not really updating. or is it? are there really updates it needs but is not getting. lets never find out because its not possible to see into this black box of bullshit hahahaha.

i was listening to the jack benny radio program on sirius radio classics and it seemed like good clean non jooish non degen humor, and i especially liked the character or rochester, how sounds like a ridiculous black house servant. but wasnt jack benny jooish? it almost didnt matter because his style did not seem jooish at all.

YEP he was EXTREMELY 100% jooish.

sweet the windows update fix actually worked. or seems to work.

so is it good proving to myself that i still can get feelings for women who are dirty sluts?

or maybe i shouldnt dislike dirty sluts so much? be more forgiving?

well i MIGHT be forgiving if they actually changed their slutting behavior! and showed me actual interest and loyalty and didnt lose interest in me super quickly!

hey i know the rules. you cant MAKE a woman stop fooking other guys, you cant MAKE them not have a wandering eye hahaha, you cant be too pushy and call or text them too often, or hang out too often, i know all those rules.

and i guess i probably would take a friendly, cute slut over nothing, no one, incel hahahaha. would probably let her fook other guys as long as she didnt stop fooking me. and washed herself after fooking the other guys.

i remember in the dream there was the idea that the women were fooking many guys one after the other, not even washing themselves in between, just oozing with j1zz and the guys (and the women!) just didnt care.

reddit. these people are so degen they think a woman being a CAMWH0RE is a viable valid lifestyle choice like being a stripper. im a college student and to get some extra money i dildo myself on camera. this is normal adn theres nothing wrong with it!

YES THERE IS! would you want to be with someone who thinks this is JUST FINE?

oh you evil controlling abuser

ended in shitty way, he is heartbroekn, she wont respond hehehe

just stop having so much damn SECS with so many damn guys! slow down! close your damn legs! really understand and respect the fact that this is how babies are made and the babies grow inside YOU, in YOUR uterus, so you have much more to lose than those big secsy MEN!

that you fooking these guys is like a pathetic beeta male jerking off to porn all the time!

pathetic and disgusting and degen and jooish!

its not because skydaddy taught me that sex was ebil and immoral, its that he taught me sex is SACRED and HOLY and SUBLIME, and using it as hedonistic pleasure is dsgusting!

HAVE SOME DAMN RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE!!!!!

thats the root issue for me. and you dont need to be religious to understand that, and i get even more butthurt when i see people saying that this is a RELIGIOUS issue, when its not!

the only atheists i like are the anti abortion atheists hehehehehe.

https://www.good.is/articles/millennials-celibacy-better-than-sex

what a fookin crock of shit, 25 year old nyc journalist SLUT goes on celibacy thing for ONE MONTH to learn more about her wants and needs and feelings, as if she werent narcissistic enough, but she as just taking a break from fooking 10 guys a month for a month.

http://hazlitt.net/feature/confessions-sexual-skeptic

lena dunham and amy schumer are “WHITE, ABLE BODIED, AND FEMME PRESENTING WOMEN”???

I thought they were fat jooish slob sluts!

the problem with sex positivity is not that its too Cis, its that its too positive and too damn obsessed with sex sex sex sex sex sex. i mean yeah so am i but why not talk about how shameful slutsex is hahaha.

i want a woman who is a PRUDE because she takes sex SERIOUSLY and her role as The Pregnant Sex and NOT because of strict religious stuff, though being religious is probably a positive. but if you have to say oh i dont act like a disgusting joo because GAWWDDDDDDDDDD says no, and not being you think, Its fooking DISGUSTING whether GOD says so or not, well then you are always gonna be tempted to be a disgusting jooish n1993r like these muh dick ape people. dicks out for harambe hahahaha.

you dont need GAWD to tell you that acting like an animal is DISGUSTING. Now you DO need GAWD for plenty of other stuff. like to give meaning to your life….??? well no, being an honorable white person can do that for you. someone that you can show gratitude to? yeah ok. and also show gratitude to people on earth too. but you should have that much gratitude, that you have extra to give to GOD.  GLORIFY HIM.

i guess i am all about sluts today because i had that dream FULL of sluts having LOTS of secs, with that old gurl who was an IRL slut. you know if i had gotten more secs from sluts, had gotten to know more sluts as actual people, i probably wouldnt hate sluts so much AND wouldnt hate casual sex so much. because id be getting plenty of it, and i would see that sluts are people too, and i would figure out how to DEAL with them.

but i havent had those experiences. i havent HAD a lot of secs with sluts. getting secs with good looking sluts is NOT easy. secs with bad looking, old, fat sluts is not easy hahahaha.

i would probably still come to the same conclusion eventually that casual sex is disgusting and bad. but i wouldnt be so damn butthurt by it, and say, yeah, i admit, i had some good times with casual sex and the sluts that provided it. troubled gurls, but not bad people, and i had fun with them, and learned valuable lessons on how to Deal With People from them. how to communicate and handle conflict and handle women.

but nooooooooooooooooo i havent benefited personally from sluts, and really, that is all MY fault, so i am a little ashamed for that. that i am not even man enough to pull the EASIEST women.

the women who give it away easily dont give it easily to me.

well, they dont give it away easily to MOST men! theres the 80 20 idea. that really only 20% of men benefit from sluts.

or is it 50 50? the end result is the same for me hahaha

in fact, its better for me to say that im part of the 80 than the 50 because then i can shift the blame. feel better about myself and worse about women.

but even at 80 20, i still feel pretty bad about myself AND bad abotu women!!!!!!

I always knew i had low mate value so i wasnt even THINKING about going out and Finding Women until i improved myself Career Wise. then that became a damn 4, 5, actually 8 year process that did not produce a ton of results. from total loser to a nonserious job and a ton of College Coursework, to a serious job, to absolutely nothing total loser once again, back to a nonserious job, and less desire than ever to do More Education.

i knew i shouldnt even THINK about Dating without a serious job, and by the time i got one, i was so stressed out i didnt even care about women, didnt care about secs, jerked off even less than usual and only to try to relieve stress. along the way i very easily met a nice female friend and boom i fell in luv with her. damn. but i wasnt LOOKING for her. it literally just happened. i didnt have time or energy or willing to try to date broads off the internet. i just wanted to ease my mind from muh job, sm0ke mj, study my job so i felt prepared and hopefully more calm. i learned the shit pretty well but i didnt feel much calmer. but that was also due to things getting bad with the woman too.

was i an overbearing annoying pathetic stupid idiot bitch to her? of course i was. i never said i wasnt. I KNEW i was being one. yeah i can see how being annoying can ruin a friendship but…..i dont know. i still think she overreacted and could have been more nice and validating and sympathetic to me.

wow like a damn broken record. but i do need to tell myself this stuff multiple times a day. its part of the lonnnnggggg getting over it process.

wow lots of richard spencer in the mainsteam lugenpresse after this years NPI. well good for that phag enabler hahahahaha.

news of upcoming spencer appearance at texas a&m univ getting some news, if he actually does the event i bet that will get some tv coverage tbh

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/lets-party-like-its-1933-inside-the-disturbing-alt-right-world-of-richard-spencer/2016/11/22/cf81dc74-aff7-11e6-840f-e3ebab6bcdd3_story.html#comments

not a damn word about millennial woes or other conference people hahahaha. all richard spencer. under pressure hahahahaha.

no im glad for the publicity. i would like to go to NPI one year, but I would ESPECIALLY like to go to the TRS gathering in feb 2017. maybe that will make the news. spencer will probably make an appearance there anyway. hes not a bad guy. he is separated from his wife? that sucks.

politico.com higher up fired for posting spencers home address on fb and saying something about how The Good Guys used to visit nazi meetings with bats. lets beat up this NAZI. im glad tbis editor was fired. get a real job phaggot. go prep your wifes bull and pay for your wifes sons sex change operation hahahaha. trump is of couse

nov 24

yeah i should have figured this. MSM would not try to take alt right even semi seeriously, would just call them a bunch of HATEFUL, DANGEROUS NAZIS.

dont be fooled by his top tier education, and his brooks brothers suit, and his neat haircut, and his handsome looks! he’s even more manipulative and bigoted than TRUMP! and what did you expect america, electing trump, you just open the door for more bigots like spencer and the alt right! full blown NAZIS!!!!!

so now i cant even say im alt right to a normie, cuz all normies know is that the alt right is NAZI KKK BIGOT RACIST.

i mean how is this suprising hahahaha.

anyway. moving on to how 2 make 26k a year and get a gf who will not leave you who you actually sort of like and enjoy having traditional secs with them once every two weeks hahahaha and the thought of them nekkid excites rather than disgusts you.

basically, you want to be with them and only them, and arent having second thoughts during a honeymoon period of a substantial period. like 6 months hahahaha.

its not all about are they attractive…..but i have never luved a woman i DIDNT find attractive and did not want to fondle every inch of their body. you want to be with them, and not leave them.

be like john candy, not like steve martin hahahahahahaha. re the planes trains and autos movie. not that steve martin is not a super talented, smart and funny guy. (but hes picked shitty movies recently.) and he’s not jooish. neither is john candy. who died way too young. and the ending about john candy not having a family is sad and heartbreaking. great movie. not too degen at all. john hughes. great goy. died way too young.

oh lord. john candy is having a moment of despair late at night when he talks to his dead wife and sitting in the burned out car in the snow and realized that he is a good natured soul and tried to get along with people, but he just Comes On Too Strong, and Smothers Them, pushes them away. i know that feel hahahaha. thankfully steve martin redeems himself and invites john candy into the hotel room.

i can relate. yeah candy (del) might sometimes smother, but that doesnt make him a bad guy, and he doesnt realize what a huge asshole neil (steve martin) is . so dell was not smothering in this case. he was taking too much responsibility and not giving enough to neil. so he shouldnt blame himself so much or feel so bad.

so yeah i dont really want to SMOTHER people.

well i didnt SMOTHER woman2012 hahaha. i didnt SMOTHER the casual sluts TOO much. who cares. i never had a real rel with them anyway and they dumped me before i smothered them TOO much.

so yeah i dont smother ALL THE TIME with women i like.

kinda hard to smother someone when you dont hang out with them in 10 months.

is texting a little bit most days considered smothering? 100 texts a day, yes sure of course.

also if she didnt respond i wouldnt KEEP texting.

i would just ask every 2 weeks can we hang out please. can we hang out please. PATHETIC. oh i dunno i’ll text you. oh i dunno ill text you. never text.

i mean we were BOTH terrible at confronting the obvious. its not all her fault hahaha.

i just wish she had responded and said no i dont hate you, no you didnt do something horrible, i jsut dont feel that way about you, sorry, the end, wish you well.

you can send that in 1 text message, maybe 2, takes less than 2 minutes.

and THEN if i start harrassing after that, sending shitloads of texts, thats on me, thats me being a bad guy. BUT NOT BEFORE.

then it takes 2 years of you telling yourself this shit to get over it haha

meanwhile they bang 5000000000000 guys and forget about you in 1 minute hahahahahaha. SO COLD. hehehe. all women are that cold hahahaha. cognitive distortion alarm hahaha.

how to take shit

well you just smile and K them with Kindness. Smile and K them with kindness. gotta remember that. turn the other cheek. be like yes sir. sorry sir. im so sorry sir. smile and eat the shit. thats what you are paid for. then when you get out and go home, get drunk and beat your wife and kids. oh wait. you are a meek underemployed loser who cant get or afford a wife or kids. so go home and get drunk and cry because you dont have a wife and kids to beat.

ok no wife and kids to luv or beat, cant drink alcohol cuz were done with that, the obvious answer is to sm0ke MJ till super blazed the second you get home (and pretty much continue until you go to bed) and then ideally do high intensity cardio AND hardcore lifting AND a sauna AND some work related study AND ideally some cuddling and luv with your nonexistent waifu haha.

thanksgiving dinner. the fam is nice people. super working class whites, total types that should be won over by trump but prob voted demonrat 16, 20 years ago. union working class. a couple of the men were like yep i am happy, one guy was like “i am ecstatic, he has balls and is going to clean house”. the women were more like herrrp im not super happy about this jerk trump but oh well i will live and not be like these crybaby protestors, life goes on.  just sensible reactions all around.

and i wish i could do what they do, work low paying hard working jobs, swing shifts, no days off, no holidays off, no extra pay for working on thanksgiving and xmas and new years, never 2 days off in a week, etc, but some of them have been around long enough (25+ years) to have the easier jobs and arent in the same shitty position as the new people being hired in in 2016 making 10 dollars an hour, even shittier hours, seasonal, casual workers, a bunch of shiftless blacks and foreigners, but also plenty of honest poor white working class people in there too. and its so easy to become a damn alcoholic hehehehe.

i suppose if i found myself in that position again, i might start drinking again, just be very careful not to drink and DRIVE.

and then try to quit drinking as soon as i could get ahold of some MJ from a black or mexican or arab at muh working class job hahahaha.

uncle bern talks about richard spencer and NPI and maybe alt right. i really want Uncle Bern to come over to Full Racism, to confront the JQ, to become a countersemite, to become a damn 1488 WN, but i dont think he ever will, but it would be nice if he did. i Grew Up on Uncle Bern and now it seems ive passed him because he has not really developed on the JQ, but he’s MORE than smart enough to have occasion to face the JQ.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mystery-british-blogger-speaks-rally-9322583

jooish lugenpresse reports on millennial woes at NPI and supports that he should be doxxed for his hateful, misogynistic, ignorant views. glad to see all the comments are like you are full of shit, MW is a good boi dindu nuffin.

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/who-mystery-scottish-racist-who-9317228

another uk press article on MW. ok ts the same article, just diff comments, but same general pro-MW sentiment, good. looks like some TRS goys got in there, good. i could see you calling TRS hateful possibly, but to call MW hateful is absolutely ridiculous. he is the least hateful person ever. also, i think some hate is justified in these times. neither TRS nor MW or any of the people I like go over that line, which i guess would be openly encouraging violence and terrorism like some kind of federal informer hahahaha.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/inside-most-racist-town-america-9328501

most racist town in america, harrison, arkansas hahaha they have pro white billboards. sounds like a great place to live hahahaha but probably not a lot of 26k a year jobs there or 25 year old n<4  6.7/10 white trad waifus there hahahahahahahahahaha

not sure how carbs became the worst thing ever, but they are.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

heheheheheheheh cant forget about that one

this is how women respond to everything and they think its CUTE.

ok ok ok STOP STOP STOP COGNITIVE DISTORTION ALARM. COGNITIVE DISTORTION ALARM.

n1993r alarm.wav hehehehehe

nov 25 2016

http://therightstuff.biz/2016/11/22/how-to-red-pill-your-woman/

heheh i forget theres a TRS regular site with articles

i mean real men wont NEED an article, but On The Fence Borderline Men like me would like reading an article like this hahahaha. like we will ever get a woman who wouldnt dump us IMMEDIATELY anyway hahahaha.

they dont give you the CHANCE to redpill them, theyre already LONG GONE.

i might pull the trigger here and spend 18 dollars to buy a stainless steel old fashioned Safety Razor, ie an old school razor that uses wristcutter razor blades. they say it gives a closer shave AND less discomfort than any of the modern 6000000000 blade gillette razors. not that i like a smooth baby face! its quite phaggy, pedophilic, jooish, feminine, cuck, omega, womanly.

but for those times that you absolutely HAVE to shave, ie job interviews, new job, weddings, funerals, then why not have a good, comfortable shave?

got dbt workbook by mckay and 2 other authors, new harbinger publishers, wahterver. looks promising. little thinner/shorter than i hoped, but not terrible.

looks very promising. hope i will like it hahaha. i dont think i will HATE it.

trying not to think about how All 6.6/10 and above 25 year old single women are All Huge Sociopathic, Abandoning, Horrible Immature Sluts hahahaha. total cog distortion ahahahahah. just gotta not think about it. ignore it. avoid it. and do anything else. like WORK. lift weights. play vidya. powerwalk. ideally would be working at job that did not K me. work and make money. but that is SO HARD to do too. even doing the bare minimum of making 26k a year is SO, SO, SO, SO UNIMAGINABLY hard, a HERCULEAN, SISYPHEAN, ATLEAN effort.

I knew it would be hard, but I didnt think it would be THIS hard.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

hehehehehe

sheeeeeeeeeeit.

i had a dream where i was hanging out with WEEV and a bunch of young alt right pro-whites. they were all younger and much higher energy and more confident and nonnevergf than me hahahaha. i was talking to this other guy and he said ok here’s your first assignment, we want to make sure youre not an undercover fed, and i was like ok, I just dont want to do anything violent or illegal hehehehe. somehow i had gotten infected with some sort of wirus where my body was covered with disgusting boils or huge zits everywhere. my mission was to go swimming in a pool filled with a bunch of young joos or antiwhites, and therefore infect all of them with this disgusting affliction. I went ahead and did this. i did not see the results of it and i woke up shortly afterwards.

kinda funny though.

heh got a SNES and n64 emulator, and all these great games, some final fantasy rpg games, classic stuff, and i dont feel like playing them. is it because the keyboard is too hard to learn? i dunno.

hmm thank GOD i did not really fall off the fatwagon on thanksgiving. like its not gonna screw up muh whole month. heh. but my downfall will be eating this goddamn CAKE. fook CAKE.

but you can sit there and just eat straight turkey or whatever all day. lots of protein, low calories. even the gravy is not bad. but start adding stuffing and potatoes and cake and mac and cheese and then you are DONE. FINISHED. instant lardass.

you dont get fat off meat. you get fat off mac and cheese and french fries and pizza and carbs and bread and pasta and noodles. and cake hehehe.

i have gotten better at doing more pushups. what i do is 10 pushups when i get up in the morning, and then throughout the day, just randomly do 6 pushups a couple of times per day. like 3 or 4 of those hehehe.

just stuff me full of fried meat until I am cripplingly obese and provide me with heroic medical care until I gracelessly expire ahahahahahahahahahahahaha

hehehe i WISH i came up with that beautiful poetry hehehehehe.

all right i will try to play final fantasy 6 aka ff3 for snes, which i never had, and which is very very very expensive to buy an snes cartridge for, and was the game prior to the big ff7 on ps1, and i guess ff6 was very acclaimed as well. i recall playing an emulator at leat 5 years ago when i busted out muh actual snes console.

welp played a bunch of ff6. it was ok. not bad but not amazingly awesome. could do a lot lot worse if you are looking for an old fashioned rpg tho.

prob not worth paying 60 bucks for or however much it is on ebay.

again. it was ok but still kinda meh. i did not get sucked into a world like i did with ff10 and 12 for the ps2. although snes is prob the better system, and one i spent way much more time with during muh very formative years.

i could dl a ps2 emulator too hahahahahah. but the games are way way large. i cant believe how small they are for snes games. like 1 mb. so small. a huge game like ff6 is only 2 mb.

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MALE FRIENDS WHO GET FEELINGS ARE FALSELY ACCUSED OF BEING NICEGUYSTM

nov 21

went to sears and walmart today, pretty exciting. disappointed by sears, impressed by walmart. well, in terms of price and selection. sears was a much classier place.  but is was super expensive.

walmart had pretty good clothes with its george brand and its wrangler ultimate khakis.

dentists are all k1kes. women are all whores. women are all unreliable flaky children. all businesses are all looking for ways to scam and joo you. see i have all these PARANOID DELUSIONS, nonstop DISTORTIONS, that the world is a worse place than it really is.

make no mistake, its a rough place, and its yet another cog distort to think that the world is FAIR, becuase its NOT…..but there is no need to think that everybody is out to joo you and scam you and abandon you ALL THE TIME, then you become PARANOID and bitter.

really i have to JUST STOP THINKING. almost every thought i have is a negative Distortion, so it helps me just to NOT THINK AT ALL. also dont feel either. stop thinking, stop feeling. every thought or feeling i get is WRONG and needs to be challenged and disputed.

no not all women are sociopaths!

well OBVIOUSLY! Im just bothered that fully HALF of women are!

so thats too damn high! and godawful! reason to despair!

so you just deal with it by learning to spot the sociopaths vs the nonsociopaths, and stay away from the sociopaths!

really the bad thing is when a nonsociopath does a sociopathic THING!

and a sociopathic THING is usually better attributed to Cowardice and Immaturity and Fear, than being an Evil Sociopath!

QED.

ok so.

it is what it is what it is what it is what it is.

thats what you say to satisfy and explain shit for a REAL IRATE customer who is demanding to speak to the manager. (meanwhile you are 35 and have never supervised anyone in your life.)

when it is what it is is just not good enough!

but yeah even though i purposely went to “the whiter walmart” based on the two nearby walmarts, it was still trashier in terms of the customers and the employees than the usual SuperMart I frequent. great place, but just not as good price or selection on some clothes.

probably the best thing is to just order at target online in increments large enough to get free shipping, and then return the shit to a local target if it doesnt fit. repeat process.

http://www.businessinsider.com/things-to-remove-from-resume-2016-11/

34 things that get your res thrown in the garbage hahahaha

wow so if you didnt get a 3.8 gpa in college, dont even put it?

that is like top 10% gpa or better.

so getting a 2.0 is as good as getting a 3.7. got it. fooking phaggots.

very trigger article. triggers many angry cognitive distortions hahahaha.

i bet this bitch only got a 29 on the act and took 29 cox in college hahahahaha the fookin whore

would like to try, at least once, taking brisk walk in the neighborhood at night time, since it now gets dark at 5 pm, but bring a FLASHLIGHT so as to be visible and not suspicious. this could go either way, but i want to try it once.

keto diet supposedly you can lose a lot of weight and not be damn starving all the time hahahaha.

you eat a lot of fats and meats. bacon. hahahaha. no sugar, no carbs. lots of protein, lots of fat, no grains.

bacon, eggs, steak, beef, chickun.

https://authoritynutrition.com/ketogenic-diet-101/

i mean yeah pretty much a new word for the paleo diet hahaha

ok i guess NOT a lot of protein. i mean you can have SOME protein, its nowhere near as bad as CARBS, but high FAT is the main thing. just eat tons of bacon hahahahahaha.

i guess milk is bad because too many carbs, but cheese is fine. butter is fine.

heard about this on the fatherland, two of the guys lost about 50 pounds each doing a keto diet. but i dont really need to lose weight any more!

maybe that woman rejected me because i was too fat at the time and she liked skinny guys hahahahaha. yes i am being intentionally facetious, even i am not so fooked up that i think this way.

so i start the job in december but i technically got the job in NOVEMBER.

this means i can put november on resume and applications and make it look like muh gap was only 16 months instead of 17 months! hahahahahahahahahaha

so yeah keto is like even lower carb than low carb, and you get a keto flu for the first few weeks haha.

heh. this reminds me of that woman, was was also staunchly anti despair meds. that they erase your mind and turn you into a zombie, chemical lobotomy, so the big pharma joos can get more shekels.

i can udnerstand this because i was kinda the same way. however i thought she would judge me and dump me if she knew i was taking them. hey im not thrilled about it either. ideally i wouldnt be. but i really dont think they turn me into a zombie. they dont seem to do much of anything hahahahaha. and its stupid that someone would DUMP their bf over this. bitches amirite hahahaha.

holy shit what a bitch. she is gonna dump him because hes just so cringey and socially awkward. hes a nice guy but hes just not social in the right way and i dont know idk ikr?

reddit HATES christians. good thing he still considers hmself christian. hes jsut having doubts about the no secs till marriage thing. well he still dates gurls, just gets dumped when he says hes saving himself hahahaha.

i would say just bang one of those sluts and be like, i havent had secs in 2 years cuz i was getting over another woman, and because im a warrior of christ, i take human life serious, so im gonna be pretty bad at this, because im not always fooking like some god damn heathen animal negro baalist.

”   My guess? He’s seriously lacking in self-esteem and self-worth, which makes him scared of getting rejected. This is why he doesn’t want to go to bars or do online dating: too high a chance of getting rejected based on physical traits.
This is also why he tries to turn friends into girlfriends. His (flawed) thinking is that he has less chance of getting rejected by someone a friend, because there is already an established closeness and friendship. He’s confusing falsely equating friendly intimacy to romantic intimacy and, ironically, it makes it more likely that he’ll get rejected, simply because women (understandably) hate the bait-and-switch “friendship” of Nice GuysTM , where they pretend to be a friend just to get close and then attempt to turn things romantic.
This dude has to crash and burn a bunch more times before he’ll figure it out. IF he’ll figure it out at all.    ”

ok this guy in this post DOES seem like a niceguytm, but since all women do is bitch about niceguystms all the goddam time, they forget that ITS VERY POSSIBLE for a man and woman to be normal friends, then after a while, the guy DEVELOPS feelings for the woman, it wasnt a bait and switch. he apprecaited the friend intimacy and has decided that he wants to try to upgrade that to romantic intimacy. he knows they are different but possibly similar and possibly related!

ITS NOT ALWAYS A BAIT AND SWITCH!

ITS NOT EVEN A BAIT AND SWITCH MOST OF THE TIME!

but this idea of the niceguytm, i think women are seeing niceguystm where its just an honest, non bait and switch, friend who got feelings! which is VERY VERY different than a niceguytm!

ITS NOT ALWAYS BAIT AND SWITCH! ITS NOT ALWAYS ULTERIOR MOTIVES! ITS NOT ALWAYS WAITING IN THE WINGS!

so i just wanted to stand up for all the male friends who got feelings, who get FALSELY ACCUSED OF BEING NICEGUYS.

YES i TOTALLY understand the idea of a niceguy and why women dont like them! I wouldnt like them!

WHICH IS WHY I DONT LIKE BEING ACCUSED OF BEING ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD DAMN!!!!!!!!

so now you have to have secs with women you dont even really get along with, to guarantee you arent put in the friendzone if you DO end up getting along with her, but you dont, because she gave it up too fast like a slut hahahaha.

who cares i just want to work my new job and sm0ke mj and wear walmart clothing hhahahahahahaha

all this talk about fookin niceguys MAKES PEOPLE FORGET that there is a LEGIT situation that KINDA looks like niceguyism but its totally not.

WIMMIN FORGET THAT THERE IS ANY OTHER INTERPRETATION OF THIS. THAT HE MIGHT NOT BE A NICEGUY, but that he was just a friend who got feelings.

IF ANYTHING, THATS THE SIMPLER EXPLANATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this gets me really rustled and triggered because thats essentially what happened to me. she accused me of being a deceptive, bait and switch nice guy, when i wasnt, when i KNOW thats bad, when i was just a plain old friend who got feelings!!!!!!

well i dont KNOW that she ACCUSED me of that, but her actions are more consistent with her being mad at me for being a Bait And Switch Niceguy, than her being Understanding of me being a Friend Who Got Feeligns!!!!!!!!!!!

I KNOW WHY NICEGUYS ARE BAD! I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!!! DONT THINK OF ME LIKE THAT!!!! THERES A MUCH MORE REASONABLE EXPLANATION FOR ALL THIS!!!! WHY WONT YOU BELIEVE IT!!!!! OH GOD IM NOT JUST DELUDING MYSELF AM I???????

nov 22

yeah so that bugs the shit out of me. when people read your mind wrong. when they think youre thinking something youre not, and dont even give you a chance to respond to the bullshit accusations.

no i DONT feel entitled to Secs or a rel with you! but i DO kinda feel entitled to a CHANCE TO DEFEND MYSELF AGAINST THESE BULLSHIT ACCUSATIONS!

its like they think this niceguy explanation is reasonable, while the MUCH MORE REASONABLE explanation of Friend Who Got Feelings, isnt even CONSIDERED. THATS what bothers me.

and whats WRONG with seeing the nice Friendship Intimacy and thinking, wow, this is really nice, maybe this could develop into an even more serious form of intimacy!

its not the SAME THING, but there is a similarity in that they are both forms of intimacy. might be more of a difference in degree than in kind.

and this bullshit about putting in the niceguy coins and feeling entitled to a relship……more bullshit lies trying to build up this niceguy narrative.

i just hate all this talk about niceguys and how every time theres a guy getting feelings hes a NICEGUYTM.

back before all this niceguy shit people had a much more healthy view of this, namely, sometimes men get feelings for their female friends, it gets complicated, but sometimes a very nice relship can come out of it. you gotta gamble and roll the dice. go all in. when harry met sally haahhaah. he wasnt a NICEGUY was he?

i already went all in and lost! i dont want to be accused of my motives being something theyre not!

insult to injury!

MY AIM IS TRUE hahahahaah.

i dont deny that niceguy situations happen. i just dont think they happen in more than 25% of cases of Feelings In A Friendship. whereas the women bloggers and redditors would have you beleive it happens a full 100% of the time, that its the ONLY explanation, which is TOTAL FOOKING BULLSHIT.

so yeah it INFURIATES me when this bullshit nonsense is used by someone who was important to me, who was a real friend, who got caught up in this horrible narrative, didnt even want to listen to me explain myself, and automatically assumed the worst about me.

i dont feel entitled to a relship with you, I KNOW its a huge gamble. i DO feel KINDA entitled to you just fooking LISTENING to me and TRYING to understand my point of view. and i didnt get that at ALL.

JUST LISTEN TO ME. LISTEN TO ME PLEASE. PLEASE LISTEN.

I DONT THINK THATS TOO FOOKING MUCH TO ASK.

yes asking for a full blown romantic rel is too much to ask, and yeah i did WANT it. but is it wrong to WANT it? i dont think so.

was watching a documentary on tcm last night about shit happening in chile in the early 70s. basically boiled down to fascists vs communists so, very interesting. i know it ultimately ended in the rise of the great general pinochet ahahhahahaha. but it was kinda confusing too.  the filmmakers were clearly on the side of the commies unfort.  and i guess the US was involved in supporting the “fascists.”

the movie did not explain shit very well at all. like oh this guy is the damn president allende. allende is a communist. how many parties are in the govt. how socialist was allende. what are these employer organizations. what damn year is this. what are the exact charges being brought. who is “the opposition.” the opposition was actually the right wing, fascist, anti-allende people. pinochet wasnt even MENTIONED in the first 100 minutes hahaha.

men do all the EMOTIONAL LABOR, all the RELATIONSHIP LABOR hahahahaha.

well maybe not all men. just me. I am sick of doing ALL the labor. there needs to be an equitable division of relationship labor.

ok i do concede that probably ALL WOMEN have experienced the Cringeyness of a Niceguy at least once in their lives.

(something is “cringey”? SUCH FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS! There are worse things than to CRINGE! methinks the LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH!!!!!!)

but women have experienced a GAMUT of relship drama that men havent, cuz women are always in relships, thats only fair, because women are the supply, men are the demand, so of COURSE women will always be in relships and dealing with the weird drama inherent therein.

but is weird drama REALLY THAT inherent to relships? or do the women just manufacture the drama because they NEED the drama because theyre crazy and neurotic?

thats pretty jooish hahahaha.

i want a woman who isnt so damn jooish.

heard a ridiculous story of Restaurant Drama recently. 22 year old waitress is recently divorced, has several young kids. she Quickly Hooks Up with a male server at her workplace. they quickly move in together. i guess he is a little older. it gets Hot N Heavy. after not too long they have a fight and she goes out partying with other male employees from the restaurant, dumps the BF. the BF beats the shit out of the woman, he goes to jail, she goes to hospital. the very next day, they are both scheduled to work at the same damn time. but they are essentially both quitting immediately.

and this is not some trashy dump of a restaurant either!

and i wouldnt be surprised if these are all white people!

but i dont know that. they could well be arabs or albanians……which would be easier to swallow. for me hahaha.

but yeah this is what they mean when they say the restaurant world is degen as fook. wouldnt be surprised if there is some coke and booze and pain pills involved in here too.

if i were in a situation like that, would I want to BEAT the woman?

i’ve never beaten a woman by my current advanced age hahaha so that bodes well, i prob never will.

but the weird truth is, ive never been CLOSE enough to a woman to beat them!

beating usually comes when there is relship trouble. meaning you have to actually HAVE a relship AND the woman hasn’t just walked away. shes gotta sorta stay with you for at least a few days for you to BEAT her.

i mean ive DEFINITELY got angry. wished so and so would get R’d by a pack of N’s, maybe i should B muh brains out right in front of her, all sorts of violent thoughts hahahaha.

i could see myself punching a wall or slamming a door, which is now seen as Abuse.

SLAMMING A DOOR IS ABUSE. come on.

well punching the wall is abuse because it shows you want to punch HER.

i can definitely see myself raising my voice and screaming like a fookin madman and going on a rant like a crazy person. screaming at the top of my lungs in total mad mel fashion. is that abuse?

probably. i am a bad man, a woman abuser, a woman beater then hahahaha.

writing long emails is abuse.

wanting someone to hang out with you is abuse hehehehe.

wanting someone to listen to your side of the story is abuse.

wanting somebody to not falsely accuse you is abuse hehehehehehe.

i mean i want to know if i did something wrong becuase i dont like doing wrong things. i WANT to feel guilt and shame for doing bad, and then learn to do better in the future.

well thing is, i have felt SO bad, that i WOULD have paid penance if i HAD done something really bad! in other words, i’ve already felt enough guilt to atone for something REALLY bad like cheating!

but i didnt do anything NEARLY that bad!

i wasnt completely innocent, but this was like a PARKING TICKET, not a damn FELONY. and i felt TOO MUCH guilt and pain!

i needed her to come out and say this was a parking ticket, not a felony. but she didnt deny it was a felony, and kinda acted like it was a felony, and i felt great guilt and pain as if it were a felony!

well at least i know if I DID do something bad, i would feel appropriately bad about it! remorse and guilt and shame and all that.

got columbia steens mountain fleece jacket, Large, plain black. looks great, TINY bit bigger than i expected, but not horrendously big, dont think i should have gotten a M.

might be worth getting another one in a different color. they have a lot of great colors.

how do you tell an angry caller that their broken piece of shit is not covered by the warranty?

look up the 14880000000 page/item warranty contact for their item, read, understand, and explain. ITS SIMPLE GOY!

but doesnt it take hours to read that long document with 60000000000 paragraphs and conditions?

isnt that shit written in very obtuse legal language?

dont you have good Reading Comprehension Skills goy? Read And Understand! read the words on the page! can’t you read words and understand what they MEAN? maybe youre not the best fit for this job goy!

i just hated how she was better at that shit than me, yet she couldn’t understand what our situation meant.

shit she didnt understand those long documents either. she would just say sorry nothing we can do. just start the shit over again, sorry, anything else i can help you with?

how can the most fooked up violent drug addicted degenerates WORK and make money as a Waiter? then have a violent bipolar meltdown, then just get another job at another restaurant because everyone who works in restaurants is like this?

you just need to be overly confident, good at bullshitting, and a good people person.

i am not at all confident, but i am sorta ok sometimes at bullshitting, and actually about an average people person, maybe even slightly above! just because i am nice to customers and i actually want to help them. i approach them in good faith. i give them good faith efforts, well actually way above and beyond.

but this is because i am a people pleaser. and that is BAD.

but is it worse than being a Bad People Person? probably NOT.

so i got that going for me hahahaha.

am i just blowing this niceguy thing out of proportion? IVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THAT SOMETIMES hahaha.

i mean some women arent even aware of the Whole Niceguy Meme.

Maybe they have a Reasonable View of Niceguys Vs Friend Who Got Feelings.

Maybe they are willing to listen to the guys point of view rather than BTFO him pure fooking armageddon.

claimed 2 allowances on muh w4 because i couldnt remember. now i think i usually claim 0, which means fedgov OVERWITHHOLDS, therefore I am OVERPAYING taxes with every paycheck, therefore i get a decent REFUND in april.

but this time i actually read and followed the instructions for w4, which, if im reading them correctly, and IM NOT SURE I AM, guided me to choose 2. so i put 2. but i never remember putting 2 before!

so im trying 2 now. see how it goes. i might have to PAY TAXES in april then.

i kinda wanted to try this, because of the theory that Overwithholding (ie using 0) is like “letting FEDGOV borrow your money interest free!” and since i dont like fedgov using my money for FREE, then this year i am going to Claim 2 Allowances. maybe i should have started slow with 1.

but i was just following the damn instructions!

but the instructions are so unclear, its like reading a WARRANTY CONTRACT hahahaha.

so how do i figure this out?

call the IRS help desk, where a guy no more trained than me reads the exact same thing as i did, and uses his not so superior powers of Reading Comprehension. READ AND UNDERSTAND hahahaha.

so i kinda want to get a Cheap Sweatshirt. Black. something like Hanes or Fruit of the Loom or Champion or something. what i learned this week is that i can go to WALMART and get something like that for 5 bucks. PERFECT.

went to local restaurant on a monday night and it was PACKED with people. there were a lot of attractive women in there, and almost every young girl working there as a waitress was young and qt af, easily 8/10 hahahaha. it was INSANE.

and then i feel butthurt like these qt young girls can handle this job, but i couldnt. well theyre sluts who take 20 cox by age 20. but i wish they would take MY coq! but im too weird and creepy for them!

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/01/31/relationship-nventory/

ayyyy lets link back to this one, just say its a top 10% post

heres a fooking happy place and good memories: i was 21, 22 years old, and i would get together with these two guys who were real good guys, and we would play mario kart 64 on n64 and sm0ke MJ. get blazed as fook and have intense hours of mario kart competition. MJ is degen and vidya is degen but those were honestly some of the happiest times of muh life. that did not involve making out and falling in luv with some casual slut hahahaha.

i would very much like to get ahold of kart 64 and do this again in the future. i dont care about any of the other versions. its gotta be 64. best mario kart ever.

go to all u can eat grill place and get bowls o beef. stuff self like fat slob. discover you still havent gone over on calories because you mostly ate Straight Beef and very little noodles. basically had bowls of beef with a smidgen of rice noodles and tons of spices. i guess the sauces probably had calories in them hahaha.

so yeah lesson learned, eat no noodles, eat tons of fatty meats hahahaha. their sirloin and ny strip beef was not fatty enough for my ideal, but it was still very tasty. i was very  THANKFUL.

downloading an n64 emulator so i can try playing kart 64 and mario golf 64 on the computer hehehehe.

http://www.emuparadise.me/roms/n64/

horry sheet it actually WORKS. i am playing kart RIGHT NOW.

its pretty hard with the keyboard is the thing though.

welp might as well try mario golf then hahahahaha

done. looks pretty good man!

zelda ocarina of time??! SHUT UP AND TAKE MUH MONEY.jpg hahahahahahaha

i mean yeah. that is an experience i would like to share with muh aryan tradwaifu, wherever she is hahahaha. would get blazed like n1993rs, have intimate, loving, and maybe slightly rough secs, have tender cuddling, sm0ke moar mj, then play mario kart 64. watch triumph of the will. cuddle.

this is all shit i wanted to do with HER of course, daydreamed about all that. but the good lord vetoed that dream hahaha. that woman vetoed the dream because she didnt want to do that. i didnt say she HAD to, i just said it would be NICE. it would be really really NICE.

was i LAME and CRINGEY to her? absolutely i was, VERY MUCH CRINGE. I NEVER denied that hahaha.

ooooh boy this sucks. i would HOPE for some UNDERSTANDING and EMPATHY from muh gf to not goddamn JUDGE me just because i am not as successful and dont luv muh career as much as she does, so therefore i have too many ISSUES and we need to go on BREAK and FIX myself, and she’s always gonna hold it over his head that he’s not quite FIXED himself enough, so ultimatum, she’s gonna leave. jeezum crow.

i just hate this shit. welp your career isnt fulfilling you quite enough for ME, therefore im gonna leave you because youre not QUITE where i think you should be in your career. oh well its not just me, you admitted you werent happy in your career! so get happy on MY timeframe or i will leave you. i warned you already, this is your final chance, goddamn, so incorrigible and stubborn, cant improve his career fast enough, ill just dump you and find a man who is secure and happy in his career.

fookin bitch hahahaha.

 

WHY IS POPULISM BAD

nov 19

ok this post should be shorter, hahaha. 4000 words max

i always liked jack lemmons uptight, nerdy, supplicating, neurotic style. it seems pretty jooish but i dont know if he was a joo. varg LETS FIND OUT.wav

” He was the only child of Mildred Burgess LaRue (née Noel) and John Uhler Lemmon, Jr., the president of a doughnut company.[2][3] His paternal grandmother was from an Irish immigrant family.[4]    ”

looks like not a joo. thank god hahaha.

yeah i mean i wish a bigboy FT job had picked me rather than this littlegurl PT job, it puts me back into the same conundrum i had when i was 26 except im not a young man of 26 anymore! but the good news is it lets me fix the GAP, and its also guaranteed not to give me a nervous breakdown hahaha. i just cant start any drama with WOMEN, and also i cant lose sight of the fact that i have to move on from there fairly quickly. ideally i would get a ft job with the same company.

i was very often trying to work for and win womens approval. with That Woman, at the beginning, i wasnt working at all. i mean i was doing shit, but i wasnt struggling and scheming and planning and strategizing and calculating and overthinking. we just got along veyr well and beause of that she liked me and i liked her. but not in that way. yet.

and then when i DID start liking her in that way, it all became that damn chess game where i had to figure out How To Make Her like me back.  it is an exhausting struggle that i have NEVER won.

but yeah either the woman likes you or she doesnt. either she s going to going to give you a chance or not.

and even when i have gotten as far as making out or Casual Dating with a woman…….it wasnt really HARD. there was enough Natural “Chemistry” or attraction to get me THAT far……but no further.

new crowbar album november 2016 “the serpent only lies”. i always liked crowbar but my peak with them was “oddfellows rest” in 2000! great album, possib muh fav of theirs. since then i havent been following them too much just because they are always releasing albums.

yeah EXCEPT they went on a solid hiatus for like 6 years while kirk focused on down. and since down is not looking super hopeful, i am glad he is doing stuff with crowbar.

i mean crowbar is very HONEST and SINCERE and REAL and keeps it REALLY REAL and there is absolutely nothing PHONY about them.

also i really dont think kirk is a joo. some white power guy on the internet has him on a list of joos but i doubt this.  mean his lifestyle is total working class white guy whitelash.

i know he had some struggles with drinking but not super hard drugs or anything. i wonder if he smokes MJ every day like a degenegro. PROBABLY hahahaha. now he just gets raging drunk less. i dont think he quit drinking altogether.

so yeah he’s not a model aryan ubermensch, just a flawed normie, and i believe his heart is in the right place, and i can respect someone who has an Instantly REcognizable Musical Style, which he does. no one else in the world sounds like this. he is Not Derivative at all. he’s been doing that for 30 years. he is all about good riffs and good songs and very honest unpretentious lyrics about being Tuff and Overcoming Adversity. how can you dislike that?

his main flaw is basically just getting sloppy drunk, or at least he used to, and i hope he doesnt anymore.

i dunno i did see down like 3 times with him and….he was one of those guys that probably could get totally fooked up and still play very well.

technically once i was face to face with him and said hello and shook his hand hahahahaha.

i was in this same situation 2 years ago with their previous album: oh i like and respect crowbar, i will always give crowbar a chance, i wish i was more familiar with their later stuff.

maybe their later stuff just isnt as GOOD hahahaha.

i dunno, on the surface it certainly doesnt seem BAD!!!!! i mean its textbook crowbar!

but yeah albums like “broken glass” and “oddfellows rest” had a MAGIC for me, and i am wondering if thats because crowbar had more MAGIC back then, or I had more magic back then when i was young and innocent.

but yeah even if i cant REMEMBER any of the last 5 crowbar albums, i will always respect what they do.

also i think kirk became RELIGIOUS with their 3rd most recent album hahahaha. like CATHOLIC i think. which is bretty kewl imho. wish he talked more about that. figured it would be more of a controversy.

anyway i just hope he is a good father to his child/ren. i know he has at least one.

i know that he was married and was divorced. was she a piece of trash? was it because he was drinking too much?  what about the children?

anyway, as with all white men, i hope he is trying not to be a drunk degenerate, and is being a good father. the fact that he can write such honest music is a signal that he has good intentions.

yeah the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but they mean something to ME at least hahahaha. better to have good intentions than not, i say. its worth SOMETHING.

had dream last night that i was in AUSTRALIA with a group of people including TWO of the young qt women i used to work with when i was 26 to 30 hahaha. yeah and That Woman was a third woman of those. i only meet qt women at muh job hahahaha. thankfully That Woman was not in the dream. but woman2012 was! and also this other qt dark haired gurl that got married kinda young.

dont remember much about the dream other than near the end, i was kinda getting ostracized from the group. or i was being a dick and i ostracized myself. either way, i no longer had a chance with either of those two women. that sucked hahahaha. just wanted some cuddle and make out and hang out and romance action. i only had good intentions. i didnt want to use anybody for casual bullshit.

so i would have dated 2 girls at once? yeah but i would have been honest about it hahahaha. and if foreced to choose i would prob choose woman2012 because she had longer legs and a bigger ass hahahahahahahahahahahaha

and then tell the other gurl, SORRY for hurting your feelings, youre a good person, you wont have ANY PROBLEM finding a decent man.

they are finally coming out with the black metal lords of chaos and they are having a guy named COHEN play varg vikernes hahahahahaha. WOW. i wonder what he will say about that.

yeah i mean i will probably watch it just for fun, im sure it will be horrible. but hopefully FUN at least.

darkthrone told them NO you cant use our logo or our music. i respect anyone who can turn down free shekels like that.

but i also think, well, they have lives and families, and the shekels could HELP them!

but the movie does sound really really really jooish hehehe.

i would totally let darkthrone play a show for 100 grand tho. that is MUCH less jooish.

play the show, give the money to your kids, build a home in the country far away from the urbanite, raise 5 kids like varg in the country. be like varg. varg should play a show for 100 grand hahahaha. he could say whatever he wanted and then never get invited back because he would hopefully say a ton of antis3m1t1c and pro-white stuff!!! hahaha.

or not play ANY songs, and just give a pro-white speech for hours hahahaha. well i would want him to play songs though haha.

and all the drunk degenerates would be like boooo racism. i mean really. its pearls before swine.

so have the show be a very exclusive alt right invite only thing, where you can onyl get invited if you pass an interview process proving your pro white bona fides. then they could raise money from rich successful white pro-whites to give to varg. might not be as much as some jooish festival promoter tho hahahaha.

unrelated but this album could also be good. epic atmospheric pagan black metal with some celtic angle and great cover art hahaha. also brand new. i guess i am into super newly released music again. thanks deathspell omega hahaha.

yeah this sounds very promising, little long tho

plus i like the scots hahahaha

got those whistles and flutes and bagpipes, very nice, i will accept this in muh atmoblack hahahaha he is a nationalist but doesnt quite realize it yet hahaha.

i think me MIGHT be an american but he moved to scotland. glasgow. not sure if the guy from panopticon (austin lunn) plays drums on this like he did for saor’s last album “aura.”

no its a guy from this other scottish black metal band hehehehe.

ok andy marshall of saor does anoter scottish atmo black band called fuath, good job buddy, writing 2 albums of epid 16 minute songs, in 1 year hahaha. he also had bands before saor called askival and in vino veritas. dunno guess i just like the idea of SCOTTISH BLACK METAL hahahaha and this guy is pretty much the biggest name in it.

(shit i saw a picture of him where he had big faggy ear gauges. seriously. kids in 2016 still do this. never understand that shit. DEGENERATE. )

well with me and music, i kinda have to go where the spirit takes me. its not supposed to make sense or be logical or even necessarily good music hahahaha.

welp listened to that crowbar album, it sounded exactly like crowbar. their sense of consistency is something you make a good natured joke about at this point. hey i dont really want them to do anything different, just make good songs. well i mean for example i know kirk is a big led zeppelin fan, so why dont they write a song with some LZ influences? also i would like to see more Mellow and Clean Singing songs, because he has a GREAT clean voice, spine chilling. they started doing occasional Clean songs in 1999 hahahah so its nothing really NEW.

heh. you know whos NOT degenerate? GARTH BROOKS. thats right. i decided i should really start listening to garth brooks. hes not part of this super faggy new school of jooified “country” and he is a nice family man who retired from a super popular career to spend more time with his kids. and now that his kids are grown, he’s coming back a little bit, playing more shows.

hes a little bit SILLY of a guy but i think thats because he genuinely enjoys life in a non degen way hahaha.

and he is a very good performer.

george strait would also be acceptable to listen to hahahaha.

i thought this shit was corny and lame during the 90s, but it was probably the least degen popular music available in the nihilistic 90s, and also country music got much much much much much much much worse over the next 20 years!

ok so my new  job goal is to write as many super duper detailed, epic, heroic, miraculous WORK STORIES as possible. get at LEAST 10. so i can have a RAFT of SUPER DETAILED, SUPER AWESOME STORIES chock full of specific detail in future interviews.

i had some work stories now, but the key thing that i forgot to do back then, was WRITE THEM DOWN AS SOON AS THEY HAPPEN, DAY OF, AS MANY DETAILS AS POSSIBLE, and then you can always edit it later.

and you SHOULD edit it later, to make yourself look smarter and better. the important thing is that there are a TON of details.

get at least ten of these stories and you should then be able to interview your way into a better job. maybe be worthy dating women that almost look as good as transsexual men hahahahahahahahahahaha

hey they are plenty of terrible looking transsexual men, they arent all think young feminine looking qts hahahaha, some of them actually look like big burly crowbar esque men ahhahahahaha.

i cant believe i didnt write down work stories before. i had so many of them! i know i TALKED about them into my recorder. i could do back and listen to those tapes and then write the stories out. but apparently i didnt want to do that!

it would have been better to smuggle out the case notes….but i stopped doing that a few months in.

so i could have done THAT from home, i had access to case notes from home, i could have just copied and pasted.

but i was so fried and burnt out and broken down, i couldnt even think of obvious, easy solutions like that.

shit just copy down the top 20% of interesting, weird, or detailed cases! just copy the weirdest ones!

wewlad just got down to lowest weight evar, 132 lbs. i mean its POSSIBLE i weighed less than this like 12 years ago!!!!! but not recently! and i am old as shit and at basically the lowest weight i have ever been! so thats good! i mean i could actually get away with GAINING weight at this point…..but i dont really want to do that.

USE YOUR WORDS TO COMMUNICATE. AND USE UNAMBIGUOUS WORDS, not words like “like” or “hang out.”

well at least she feels bad about breaking her bfs heart hahahaha. sounds like she feels REALLY bad about it hahaha. GOOD. YOU SHOULD hahahaha.

no sorta kidding, she shouldnt feel THIS bad if she made a good faith attempt to dump him in a sensitive way, without trying to add insult to injury.

“sounds like she didnt have much respect for your relship if she dumped you with a TEXT” hahahahahaha

yeah i THOUGHT she had MORE RESPECT for me than that

and i thought i knew her better than that.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

still wanna sm0ke mad w33d.

still thinking about going to a SHADY ASS “doctor” in a dispensary on “doctor day”, saying i dont have any medical records, and that ive been getting persistent chronic pain in muh….back. carpal tunnel. then getting the card sent to a po box. then just let the po box expire once i have the card and i am buying tonnes of MJ hahahaha.

its like a prescription that NEVER RUNS OUT. that alone is rather unbelievable.

go to a doctor ONCE, have a card to buy drugs FOREVER. well, for 2 years. even still, could you imagine getting a 2 year prescription to buy as much Painkillers as you wanted? as much benzos as you wanted? for 2 full years! INCONCEIVABLE!!!!!

nov 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

ok on my first day i gotta bring in donuts or bagels.

also gotta be dressed like a damn boss.

i dont think they wear suits every day there hahaha.

ok there is a 24 hour tim hortons nearby, so i can get some donuts and bring them in at 8 am hahaha

then they will judge and bullycide and abuse me for being uneducated, trump supporting and racist enough to buy such racist, hateful, bigoted donuts. donuts are what FAT BIGOTS like COPS eat.

i am being Silly but thats not far off from my usual line of Distorted Thinking, which has wrought massive anxiety and despair in muh life hahahaha

EVERYBODY HATES THE DESPERATE. nobody likes desperate people. employers, women, kool kids, winners. all shun and shame the desperate.

you know who LUVS the desperate?

JESUS! GAWWWDDDDD!!!!!!

so never forget that. when its lonely desperate you and the world is against you, JESUS is on your side. and LUVS you just as much as he luvs TRVMP.

hell yes i support jeff sessions for atty general. but the question is, how does he feel about joos. it could go both ways. some of these southern bigots luv joos and israhell and are not j wise at ALL.

SEE? ALL THOSE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HUGE WHITELASH RACISTS!!!!!

no they arent, just the alt right subset hahahaha.

and at least half of them are polite and nice like neoreactionaries. and dont use hate speech like I do hahahaha.

so yeah i do not represent trvmp, nor do i represent the average trvmp supporter, who is probably WAY less racist than me hahahahahaha.

so whats the deal with jobs where they dont even tell you the salary range during the interview, you have to get to the second interview just to get a god damn IDEA, when its not a 60k a year job were talking about, its more like 30k job. you dont GET to be so circumspect about salary for a 30k job…….well yes of course you do!

but yeah being TOUGH, thats always been a problem for me. tough situations in life that SHOULD act as a crucible to toughen me up and make me into a better, stronger man…..i always break down and become a weaker, bigger loser.

anyway WOMEN. dont have such SHALLOW relationships. take PEOPLE more seriously. PEOPLE are important, relationships are important, intimacy is important. cuddling is SUPPOSED to build intimacy, sex is REALLY supposed to build intimacy, and women have this damn carousel of men, relships, sex, cuddling, motions of intimacy, and its all a lot of things that are SUPPOSED to be important or intimate, but they treat them like NOTHING.  its DISTURBING and SOCIOPATHIC hahahaha.

thats why they call it a RELATIONSHIP, because its all about RELATING to/with another person!

hmmm npi conference was yesterday. millennial woes looked like a slob in a purple t shirt and gray hoodie. looked like a real unemployable neet, looked like me lounging around the house hahahaha.

redice did a very nice stream of basically the whole event. THANK YOU redice.

i guess emily youcis got harrassed by antifa outside and sprayed with something.

i mean i dont like women in the alt right, but she has earned some cred for that i suppose.

ill still white knight more for alt right trannies than alt right women because the trannies are less of degenerate sluts than the women hahahahahah.

that proves it! Im a woman hater pure and simple and woman hating has no place in the alt right, in pro white, in a healthy society! this is MY PROBLEM that i need to FIX!

things that mean SO much to you, like cuddling, or making out, or fooking, or spending time with somebody, or having a rel with somebody, or being vulnerable and intimate with a person, it all means nothing to women! its all as meaningless as taking a dump!

i dont think they INTEND to be SOCIOPATHS! and isnt INTENT a big deal to me?

well….only to a point. if you cheat on somebody and say well i didnt MEAN to cheat on you, it just HAPPENED, one thing led to another…..yeah ok intent doesnt matter there. you have plenty of time to stop it.

i didnt intend to be a sociopath, i just acted like a sociopath in all muh relships and never tried to stop it.

nope, not all relships, just the ones with me!

i bring out the sociopath in all women hahaha.

no thats WRONG. NOT TRUE. woman2012 didnt treat me like a sociopath. That Woman didnt ALWAYS treat me like a sociopath.

havent you ever just RUN AWAY from something you couldnt handle? i ran away from College when I was 21 because I was like I Just Cant Handle This Any More. I should have done it at age 18 or 19! then immediately gotten Severe Treatment, 100000000000 mg of prozac, maybe some electroshock, then gotten a STEM/math degree at my prestigious univ, or gotten a stem/math degree at local less prestigious univ so i could stay at home and not be tempted by degeneracy, or at worst just gotten a business degree from local univ, or something. maybe being out of that environment would have been good. because i was tempted too much by the degen of MJ.

i still used MJ and alcohol when i was at home though……..

i dunno. i should gone to a shrink along with my 1000000000000 mg of prozac, and they could try to convince me to stop doing mj and alcohol. because i was too young for that shit.

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Tough

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+be+tough

ok read and understand. if you have a question, read it again until you understand. dont come looking for me to give you a free ride hahahaha. read and understand. youre an adult nao hahahaha.

If you could federally legalize MJ with a 35% tax on it……..then wouldnt it behoove the feds to legalize it?  theyd make billions of dollars on the taxes, more money than they make nao from…….what? booze being legal? but that money is going to booze barons, not politicians or govt!

also if MJ were legal, MJ barons could make a ton of money, as well as the govt taking 35% taxes on it!

not that I think taxes are good, i am just saying its a way to convince govt to make it legal, because THEY love taxes, and i would be WILLING to pay HEAVY taxes to have MJ legal and easily available.

im just trying to figure out why mj is still illegal. basically, both the govt And the Superrich Elites could make a TON of money off it being legal! so why dont they?

i mean they are probably GOING this way, it will just take 10 more years, cuz govt moves SLOWWWWWLY. except when legalizing phag marriage. that happened pretty damn fast hahahaha.

i mean most people can get MJ because its easy to get for social normies. they always know at least one person. the one person i sorta know is unable to do anything at the moment, so i have to wait hahahahaha.

well dont blame THEM!

im not tho!!!!! really!!!!

heh. that was another thing i lost when i lost That Woman.

maybe she really was just shady sketchy white trash that im better off without her in my life hahahaha. i mean she certainly thought SHE was much better off without ME in her life!!!!! and im not that shitty! seriously!!!!!!!!!

maybe her mind was so clouded and she made such bad decisions because she did MJ every day.

i also made very bad decisions and ran away from responsibilities when i was 21 largely because i did mj every day!

well she was older than 21!

21 its ok to be immature. 25, you should start thinking about adulting and being mature.

of course i am over 30 and still very immature.

but you can be immature in diff WAYS!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Keep-Yourself-Calm-During-Tough-Times

heh. there should be a psych phd who writes a book on what happens to your Brain as you go Incel over 10 years.

i mean i dont really care about the SECS nearly as much as the general cuddling or intimacy or having a real REL with a woman.

the GFE, the EXPERIENCE of being with somebody special who is diff from a regular friend, or acquaintance, or family.

and women take these very special rels for granted, have many of them, treat them as replaceable and disposable. hahahaha.

no not all women. not even 51% of women hehehe.

hmm intradasting. no real point here other than to say he felt good when she broke no contact on his bday to wish him happy bday (she dumped him and it was very hard for him), he struggled in doing NC, and now she was sending this message, and he was like, i felt better know that i and the relship meant something to her.

now he says he doesnt want her back. i dont know about that!

standard stuff

hehehe his 22 yo gf has been with a LOT of guys. at age 22 i had only been with 1 gurl. at age 32 i had only been with 1 gurl.

always gets dumped by girls after a few dates or fooks and they see how INSECURE and NEEDY he is. well he is still young as shit, but this has apparently happened several times. oh well. at least hes not a virgin hahaha. maybe he needs a 10 year period of celibacy until he is 33 hahahaha.

heheh i hate thsi shit. she will dump him because oh im not good enough for such a good guy. but if this were a guy dating a gurl who was too good for him, she would dump him IMMEDIATELY and he would feel REAL bad. how do you think this bipolar OP would feel if her too good for her BF dumped her in a very insulting way, like yeah im way too good for you, you dont deserve me? she would be super devastated!

youre not allowed to be depressed if you got into a decent grad school at age 23. maybe if you got rejected and your only option was work at starbucks or get a devry mba and then become a team lead at starbucks. at best. i mean starbucks might be too good for you, they have health benefits ahhahahahahhahaha.

i also think its stupid that she was over me IMMEDIATELY, while its gonna take TWO YEARS for me to get over HER. go thru a little grief and pain. did i really mean NOTHING to you?

but yeah it doesnt bother me as much as it used to.

it doesnt mean it doesnt still bother me, almost every day!

just relatively less. and i THANK GOD for that.

well at least alt right is sticking as a word that means something to people. they use it on mainstream media to refer to far right white supremists, racists, anti semites hahahahaha. like those evil alt righters. no, not all trvmp supporters are radical racists like those ALT RIGHT people hahahaha.

so now i can be like yep im alt right, and i am looking for other alt right people to hang out with.

and people will say you deplorable racist bigot! or, hell yeah me too 1488! HAIL VICTORY!

and then we will get into a huge argument about phag enabling and religion and mj and me not being hyperborean ubermensch enough hahahahahaha.

yeah well it TOTALLY CAN take two years to get over someone. i dont think thats weird at all.

it just disgusts me that NO WOMAN goes two years without SECS. that even if they are Getting Over some other man, they are having Casual Secs with other men. All Women act like 6 months without secs is such a TRAGEDY.

NO. ITS NORMAL. TWO YEARS without secs while you get over somebody SHOULD be normal.

yeah TEN years is not normal i agree. but were not talking about 10 yers, were talking about 2 years.

anyway this thing is making me think All Women Always Treat All Relationships as Throwaway Meaningless Nothingness, and this is not true. it is CLASSIC COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/cognitive_distortions.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-common-cognitive-distortions

like good lord. just swear off of secs with men for 6 months and use the damn dildos youre always talking about.

whats the deal with trumps dead brother (i heard he was a Drunk) and his 2 sisters? i have never ever seen them.

yeah so freddy trump was a kinda black sheep and died at age 43 of drinking. one sister is a fed judge, cant believe we havent heard from her. other sister was in banking? other brother was in family business and makes an effort to stay out of attention. i guess there is no issues between any of them.

ok good enough for me.

don jr drank a little during college but apparently got his act together and is now super successful winner with beautiful white children hahahaha.

hmmm ivanka trump is actually OLDER than me. but eric trump is not hahahahaha.

don jr got married in 2005 and had FIVE children in NINE years. the bad news is that his wife is HALF J00. DAMN. COME ON DON.

well at least its not as bad as ivanka and KUSHNER. im not even sure if they should have children. just dump kushner, marry a goy, have goy children.

so yeah his wife is half jooish. and supposedly tiffany trump is dating a jooish man. COME ON. COME ON DON.

how have i not looked into this?

oh is this a sick joke, eric trumps wife lara is full joo. SMDH.

ivanka the orthodox joo and kushner have THREE children. oy vey. what a shonde. its like annuda shoah!

so all of TRVMPS grandchildren are damn MISCHLINGS.

maybe this is a kamikaze strategy to End Jooish Lines? I have too many doubts about that to think it could possibly be effective. especially using your own children.  maybe they just arent joo wise. but how can they NOT be?

SON OF A BITCH.

also i wanted to ask, WHY IS POPULISM BAD?

because its racist?

because “POPULISM” is a codework for Working Class White Male Whitelash?

yeah pretty much.

now i dont like the idea of MOB RULE, but i dont think that what the MSM is getting at when they say “populist”, they just mean the scary evil racist bigot WHITELASH.

http://www.dailystormer.com/the-rise-of-the-white-lash/

welp if i dont make something of myself in the next 4 years, thats it. thats my only hope hahahahahaha. this is white males time to shine and if i dont take advantage of it, i am done hahahaha. white male privilege alone wasnt enough to make me a productive member of society. i need EVEN MORE because i am THAT bad. and here it is with trvmp hahaha.

yeah i should order a red trvmp hat already.

and hanging out with more trump supporters and especially alt right people in real life.

wearing a trvmp hat in public hahahaha.

how much and what kinds of tax would have to be placed on MJ to make it more profitable to the Powers That Be for MJ to be legal, rather than it to be illegal? 100% tax to feds AND 100% tax to state and maybe another 100% to city?

pay $400 for a $100 bag of MJ? yeah ok i might not pay that. i wouldnt pay more than 50% tax hahahaha.

but shouldnt that be enough?

i mean how much law enforcement resources are used to arrest and prosecute MJ growers, dealers, etc?

as opposed to more dangerous drugs like meth or opiates?

no one goes to prison for MJ anymore!

so whos making money on illegal MJ? Mexican Cartels? and the US Gov wants mexican cartels to continue making money because…….this i cant figure out. The Secret Truth.

because Cartels give Fedgov billions of dollars a year? how? bribes? who exactly are they bribing? it seems like it would be lower level frontline feds would be more suspectable to bribes than top dea directors, fed judges, fed higher ups.

so YOURE TELLING ME that these feds make more money in HIGHLY illegal BRIBES from MEXICAN CARTELS, than all of the fedgov could legally make by taxing MJ 35%? 40%? 50%???

i just find it very hard to believe.

 

ON THE JOB TRAINING IS NOT TRAINING AT ALL

aug 27

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

i mean i study the companies before doing the interviews. i write thank you emails. i dress nice. i shave my face. i act very interested in the job. i ask questions at the end. what the hell am i doing wrong hahahaha. my fatal flaw is that i get a little nervous. and that i have such a long GAP. something must be DEEPLY WRONG with me. he needs SERIOUS HELP. he SHOULDNT BE working. or, he thinks hes gonna work HERE? HA! he needs to PAY HIS DUES first! get a job at walmart or mcdonalds or a shitty restaurant or call center, show that youre WILLING TO WORK first, before you can get an AWESOME job like this!

this is for that phone interview on monday. looks like the company is more reputable than i thought. winning all these best places to work awards, having many skilled and respected engineers, a destination kind of employer, that only wants the best of the best. which i am not. but i was when i was 17-18!

also my problem is that i cant just suck it up and live through a shitty job. it breaks me down into a Dumpster Fire and then I end up Committing Career Suicide and moving DOWN the career ladder ultimately. i dont really pay dues but get actively punished.

then i see all the people with engin degrees working for this palce, making 60k, thinking DAMN, I went to a TOP SKOOL, I went to a better skool than THEY did, why didnt I just get a damn ENGIN degree, then I could be making 60k too, I could have a wife and a FAMILY, and a good job, instead of being a huge neet loser who cant deal with LIFE.

and get angry and discouraged and slow down on muh job search hahaha.

yeah well today i am studying the company so i sound informed on muh 15 minute phone interview monday. see if its enough to overcompensate and get me a physical interview. prob not hahahaha.

then tomorrow i will study the company for tuesday int. much more of a blue collar place. but they are big and they have been around a while. not some fly by night arab company hahahaha. or shitty crab people asian company.

shit i had way more confidence in 2013 when i was working my mickey mouse job and was becoming close friends with That Woman.

see im desperate but i also cant take just any job because if i take a super shitty call center or customer service job, i am very worried about muh emotional health, and would i snap and quit. i dont want to put myself into a position like that so i avoid applying for those kinda jobs. high stress jobs hahahaha.

thinking about partying tonight with a valium nyquil combo. it is saturday nigth after all.

so, have a better feeling about the tuesday interview than the monday interview as a job i could actually GET. but i feel the monday place would be more fun and chill and better workplace than the tuesday place. well of COURSE its HARD to get into a GOOD workplace! the easier the job is to get, the WORSE the job is gonna be, the more it is gonna push you to your Limit.  and not in the good way hahahaha.

aug 28

took the valium nyquil combo around 645 pm, did 4.2 mile powerwalk, went to bed, slept pretty good. the combo i guess chilled me out a little bit and made me sleep good. would still prefer partaking MJ hahahaha.

it shuts your mind down, you cant think negative thoughts because it takes too much effort to think at all hahahaha. in other words it might be difficult to WORK, where you are trying to solve problems and bullshit on your feet all day. explaining and bullshitting and coming up with plans and reasons and explanations and answers and solutions.

sheeeeeeeit. it might be That Womans birthday very very soon. thankfully it doesnt bother me as much as youd think it would. one of my goals was to spend a womans birthday with her and have birthday cuddling with them, or having them spend my birthday with me and have birthday cuddling. or secs. or handholding. or making out. or hanging out.

never happened though hahahahahahaha. 2 years ago i went to dinner with my female friend and it was near her birthday and i was right on the CUSP of starting to feel differently about her. but not quite sure i was there yet. but i was getting very close.

in fact i wasnt even sure what her exact birthday was. it takes a while before someones birthday is a big deal for you.  you gotta know them at least a year.

and the next year of course i would ahve really liked to spend her bday with her but by that time we were DONE.

and now we’ve been DONE for a full YEAR after that.

i heard this song when this album came out in 1998, 18 years ago hahahaha and i was a stupid angsty high schooler listening to the weekly radio metal show. i thought the song was very catchy and epic and it was the first time i enjoyed anything like power metal.

i never listened to the whole album. i will now give it a chance hehehehe.

hmm very sleepy and tired today, the day after the nyquil. i guess thats not suprising.

cheap “skullcandy” earbuds lasted only 2 weeks. what cheap chinese crap. one ear went out then the other ear went out very quickly. one ear is bad enough and time to buy a new pair of cheap chinese throwaway garbage.

537 that is my new goal hahahaha. 537 job applications hahahaha. i get 1 interview for roughly every 21.4 applications hehehehe. and so if i want 25 interviews, then 537.

i am “only” at 386 so far.

i have been slowing down lately, getting a bit discouraged.

maybe i should contact her on her birthday hahahahahahaha. no i am just joking.

 

did SHE ever contact ME on MY birthday? HELL NO! she didnt even KNOW when my birthday was! although i kinda make it hard. you have to ask me and then mark it down on your calendar. which nobody does because they just use facebook to remember birthdays hahahaha.

but yeah at one time she was a real friend and i havent found any new friends to fill that friend gap. and i liked having that kind of person playing that kind of role in my life. i mean shit it was a two way street too, i was playing the same role in her life too.

ok  went to shitstore and bought some shitty 10 dollar sony earbuds that i HOPE will last 1 month.

listen to some of the hammerfall album, see if its any good. need more positive shit hahahaha.

was listening to george feels and he had a very sad pathetic feelsy video and i was like yep i shouldnt listen to this, this is not gonna help me. something basically how he had done nothing with the past 3 years of his life, his biggest accomplishment was not jerking off for 100 days hahahaha. in 3 fookin years. so he felt bad about that and then i felt bad too about not accomplishing anything with my life either hahaha.

well i did accomplish a bit in the past 3 years: moved from old job to new job, became close friends with that woman, pushed myself to the limit with new job, did some super amazing shit that i lose sight of now, and cant convince employers that once i was valuable hahahaha, went on road trip with old friend, fell in luv with female friend, saw 3 classic concerts, discovered trs, and then shit started going bad, rel with woman fell apart, lost job, got dumped, was in a state of deep despair for months, started a gym membership for the first time in life, lost 30 pounds, applied to 386 jobs and went on 18 interviews, got 2 new good suits. so yeah id say i accomplished more than george hahahahaha in the past 3 years. there was some epically BAD shit, as well as some pretty good shit too, but the bad shit has been what i remembered most and what i am lingering in now.

anyway POINT IS, there was plenty of good shit or not bad shit, or at least forward moment or personal improvement.

but all the good shit happened in the first half, and all the bad shit happened in the second half, so the bad shit is all i remember.

well, losing the 30 pounds is a big deal and i am doing that right now.

so is buying the suit, and doing the interviews.

but the interviews also suck because they dont lead to anything.

inherently, the interviews are a good thing and i should view them as such, rather than DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE. and saying yeah interviews a normally all right, but THESE interviews arent so good because they dont RESULT in anything.

yes in our results oriented world its difficult saying something that doesnt have any results is a good thing.

but each abortion failure of an interview hahahaha is getting me closer to my goal of 25.

and the interviews arent really abortion failures. i look all right, i sound smart, although a little nervous, i show that ive done my homework on the company, i write thank you notes, i am one of 4 finalists for a 45k job, i mean come on these are all good things.

but the overall general shame of being an unemployable neet bum is SUCH MAGNITUDE hehehehe that it casts a shadow on all the other shit.

anyway, point is, there is a DECENT AMOUNT of good stuff ive done the past 3 years…..its just overshadowed by the bad shit because the bad shit was more recent, and honestly it was ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING. it was probably greater magnitude than the positive stuff was positive. but there WAS still somewhat DECENT magnitude of positiveness on the positive stuff.

PLUS, we always interpret bad things worse than we interpret good things as good. in other words, really good shit WEARS OFF QUICKLY, while bad shit lingers. so we need like 5 good things to lift us up for every 1 bad thing. defeat feels much worse than victory feels good. FACT.

anyway point is george has his more positive videos and his more negative videos, and i should stay away from the neg ones. and so should he. being that we are very much alike and struggle with the same problems.

and just like him i need to focus on the positive and essentially IGNORE the negative. because its focusing on the negative and IGNORING THE POSITIVE that has gotten us in this horrible mindset. low energy, very low confidence, lazy, neet, in a rut, spinning the wheels, not trying, giving up easily, defeatist, etc.

i listened to a bit of the hammerfall and it made me want to listen to judas priest “painkiller” so i did. i guess they have similar sounding productions and the drum bit at the beginning of the album is a direct tribute to painkiller possibly. but the hammerfall is definitely a bit more “power metal” and the singer doesnt really sound like halford. which is FINE. halford is awesome, but i wanted something a bit more power metally anyway. like ridiculous, somewhat epic songs and songs about warriors and courage and all that. whereas judas priest is arguably not very power metally while at the same time influencing every power metal band….they never fully went that way themselves, because they were sorta reinventing themselves on every album.

probably iron maiden is the more power metally band.

 

JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING MAKES SENSE DOESNT MEAN IT DOESNT SUCK DONKEY D1CK

aug 5

yeah so the idea of creativity and design and human centered and innovation bla bla it all sounds REALLY good, its some GREAT bullshit. i mean nobody, left or right, white or jooish, can deny that Creativity is a Good Thing. and it’s fun and confidence building and healthy to BE creative. any cynic who bitches about how creativity is bullshit is just butthurt that they aren’t creative. i do that alot. bitch about x because im butthurt about not being x. its degenerate and wicked and jooish, etc.

cant really do that about creativity. shit I would LIKE to be more creative. I used to be more creative before muh emotional issues really put the kibosh on that. being creative means you can think your way out of problems and hopefully act on them. and really fix the problems.

i was creative this morning. usually i make weak coffee with 4 scoops. when i was at the creativity office, they had some pretty good coffee, but since normie coffee is too strong for me, i have to dilute it with water. So i thought, well why dont I just make stronger coffee at home, then add water to it, that way i dont have to make 2 pots of coffee a day. just make 1 pot of stronger coffee and add water to it AFTER making making it, when i am pouring muhself a cup. mix it with some water then.

see how SIMPLE that is? yet I didnt think of it until I was 35 years old hahahaha. because muh creativity is THAT weakened. its hard to think of solutions when you are anxious and despairing. this impairs your judgement and give you BRAIN FOG. you cling to any kind of safety or security or certainty you can find, because youre tired and weak from being confused and uncertain and HELPLESS.

when you are DROWNING, you dont have the LUXURY of being creative. you just want a damn life raft or something that FLOATS that you can GRAB ONTO and hold on for dear life. thats as creative as you can be.

but im not REALLY drowning! thats ALL IN MY MIND!

own worst enemy, imaginary prison, afraid of freedom, fear is the mindkiller etc

but yeah it is very hard to break those Psychic Chains hahahaha. Correct the Cognitive Distortions.

anyway a year later after the shit with the woman its easier to put it in perspective and not hate her so much, and not blame myself so much, which is HUGE. i thought i did something HORRIBLE which caused her to HATE me.

in fact she probably didnt hate me, and the simplest solution is the best one: she was just scared and confused and overwhelmed, fight or flight kicked in, I wanted to fight, and she wanted to flight. so she ran away. I have run away from situations before, not because they did me wrong or I hated them per se. I ran away because I was scared and panicking because I felt I JUST COULDNT HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!! I JUST CANT HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!! so you run away. and thats the ALL the explanation there really IS. get scared, run away. and then you cant really approach the person to convince them theres nothing to be scared of. becuase they keep running away. nothing you can do but let them run away. which i ultimately did. the end.

theres ignoring, THEN theres “actively” avoiding, THEN theres running away. we gradually escalated through all three stages there.

im not sure a manipulative niceguy would have driven that escalation like I did! I NEEDED A RESOLUTION! I wasnt WAITING TO POUNCE!

so yeah its important to personally believe i wasnt the bad guy, i wasnt the niceguy fake friend manipulator. it was just unfortuante and sad situation where we couldnt resolve our problems and she ran away from them because she was too scared to DEAL with them.

which is understandable! sheeeeeeeeeit I feel EVERY DAY like I cant DEAL WITH LIFE itself! I’ve done plenty of running away myself!

its like in dreams where you are just running and running away from some sort of monster.

well maybe she didnt think I was a monster, but she certainly found the situation monstrous and terrifying. ok I totally get that.

so yeah it is starting to make a lot more sense, and that gives me real closure. it sucks total donkey dick, but it makes sense. but it still sucks!

JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING MAKES SENSE DOESNT MEAN IT DOESNT SUCK DONKEY DICK!

see THESE are healthy thoughts, this is how a normie thinks, how a confident winner normie nonvrigin nonneet DEALS WITH problems in their life.  by taking a HEALTHY perspective on them.

wow i guess that means i am having a good day today. well thank GOD hahahaha.

im not even that upset about not getting that great job. I still feel sorta confident from even just having the interview and being one of 4 finalists. out of 100 applicants!

well I would have expected more applicants frankly. at least 200.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/08/05/6235/

this post shows some early hints of Rational Thinking way back in january 2016 when I wrote it. so not even 6 months out, I was getting some good perspective on it. of course i certainly wasnt fully healed, i still am not, and then i was MUCH more lazy on muh job search. i was still running away from that.

yeahi mean shit its like forrest gump running away kind of. he wanted to run back to the safety of home….but when he was an older man, that didnt even do it for him. so he just kept running and running  and running until he was tired of running. that manipulative joo movie portrays it very nicely, in some ways, that movie is very very good and of course I identify with forrest more than most people. kinda like a big naive child who doesnt really fit in. and falls in luv with the worst women ever hahahahaha.

I would have gotten along with forrest well I think and probably been a good friend to him hehehe. and i wouldnt die early like bubba and i wouldnt be all bipolar like lt dan. well, maybe i would hahahaha.

really lt dan should have stayed alongside forrest after their shrimp company blew up, and lt dan should have played a big role in keeping forrest away from that horrible skank jennay. i dont think jennay was an evil bad person, but she was just a totally ruined woman who was POISON to everyone around her. its sad really. and really its better for you to stay far far away from these Toxic, Poisonous people. They need to help themselves first. Jennay should have gone to a goy shrink when she was very young, before she turned into a drug whore always running away and breaking forrests heart 9000000 times. she did not deserve a good man like him.

at least thats what i get out of the movie, and i appreciate the movie for showing such a tragic, poisonous woman…..but i’m not sure thats what i was supposed to get out of it hahahahaha. and this just proves i am an unregenerate woman hater hahahaha.

SO BE IT. I HATE WOMEN. SO WHAT. DEAL WITH IT.

the two WOMEN I interviewed with yesterday didnt think i was a WOMAN HATER. or the Woman Manager I Initiated a Conversation with at the Creative Idea Design Space. They were nice to me and I was nice to them.

i HATE not having the “luxury” to CALL SOMEBODY BACK. shit give me 15 minutes, I will look into this, and CALL YOU BACK. we couldnt really do that at the job. you had to get permission to call somebody back. which wouldnt be given because there were Calls In Queue. so you had to do EVERYTHING with the caller on HOLD. put the caller on hold for 5 minutes just to ask for permission to call them back, and get rejected, then tell the caller you just wasted 5 minutes with them on hold hahahahaha.

yet another reason why i do not want to go back to a damn call center. they are able to get “LEAN” so that there is no downtime, so that there ALWAYS IS callers in queue, because if there is not a lot of calls, they can just send people home like they do at a restaurant.

not all places send people home when it gets slow!

but you gotta have a degree from cornell loaded with prestigious internships to get one of those jobs, hahahaha.

my school was not as prestigious as CORNELL or STANFORD. but it was definitely within shouting distance. a lot of our people went to Grad School at cornell or stanford or places like that.

but not me! I went on to struggle to make more than 10k a year for the next 11 years after college! with no cuddles hahahaha

heh damn recruiter called, said they found my resume on careerbuilder, i lied and said i found a new position, then went right to careerbuilder and saw all my shit was private.

they probable saved my info in their system back when my shit was not private. hmm. im surprised they remember people like that, in the sense of creating and maintaining their own pool, rather than saying fook all these people, let’s just go right back to careerbuilder and get NEW resumes!

maybe that means i was in a “high value” pool that they wanted to contact several times? be persistent with this guy becuase he’s good? hehehehehe. see that is the RIGHT way to interpret this uncertainty.

pick up tailored suit from arabs today, they were super expensive, wont go back. they have great reviews tho.

AGAIN! THAT KID IS ON THE ESCALATOR AGAIN!

The INFAMOUS job that got 1000 applicants in 3 days for the entry level college student 13 DAH job, is being posted AGAIN about 2 or 3 weeks later!

HOW COULD NOT ONE OF THOSE THOUSAND PEOPLE BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THIS JOB???

SOMETHING WEIRD IS GOING ON HERE.

Shit yeah I will apply for it AGAIN, and count it towards my numbers again.

NO company should EVER hire from the outside for ANYTHING but an entry level position.  I can’t get creative enough to think of a GOOD reason, without sounding like total jooish bullshit.

hire a manager from another company while you have EXCELLENT level 1 people who would LOVED to be promoted AND who do GREAT work and KNOW their shit.

or the alternative is, you give them more responsibility and more work to make them FEEL like they’ve been promoted, maybe even gie you a fancier job title if you’re really lucky, but NO increase in pay. NONE.

so you are doing MORE for the SAME.

i mean shit yeah it makes SENSE, this all makes SENSE. the way it makes SENSE for a parasite to suck its host dry when there is an OVERSUPPLY OF HOSTS!!!!!! they can kill their host and it doesnt kill THEM (see the scorpion and the frog fable) because there is always another host!

THE SCORPION ALWAYS HAS ANOTHER FROG TO JUMP TO!!!!!!

which, of course completely Subverts and Ruins the MORAL of the fable. well, Subverting and ruining morals is what they do best isnt it?

anyway the idea is that by following its predatory nature, the scorpion “accidentally” kills the frog who is carrying it to safety, therefore killing himself.

YOUVE KILLED US, YOU ARROGANT ASS!!!!.wav

but in reality, the scorpion never has to face consequences for its actions because there’s another frog it can jump to once the previous frog dies. i guess women are like this too. they get away with it because they CAN get away with it and there will NEVER be a shortage of people who LET them get away with it.

women: the joos of the human race hahahaha. the joos of the genders hahaha.

i am now approaching andrew anglin level hatred of da joos hahahaha.

so if mill woes was the man of the year 2015, then the goys of TRS in general are the men of the year 2016. for sure. for sure. jim, sheeitlawd, ryan nation of one, seventh son, natt, otto, sam, k1ke enoch, all the great guys on the forum, and the podcasts i dont listen to, lets throw in andre anglin and weev too, they are great.

there are two kinds of mgtows: those that turn back once they reach Race Realism, and those that go boldly into that world. guess which one i am hahahaha.

in other words, eventually ALL mgtows reach the race question. its an inevitable, logical conclusion. and i dont think its logical to turn back. to say oh no i just want to engineer robot waifus, but being a racist is just dumb and ridiculous and bad. COME ON.

i think it gives a very healthy perspective for mgtows women hate. like you accept how ridiculous women are, and now you have the courage to actually DEAL with them, rather than AVOID them like mgtows. courage vs cowardice.

now i am a coward but im glad I chose the path of courage at least hahahaha.

picked up my newly tailor gray suit. i guess you could call it a dark gray as opposed to a Medium Average Gray. oh well. sill looks good and it doesnt look BLACK. I wanted to stay away from BLACK because NOBODY wears black suits and it just looks WEIRD. you are either a gangster, the blues brothers, or an orthodox j00, or amish, an orthodox russian. i mean some of these things are not bad……but none of them are NORMIE. they do not inspire confidence in the unconfident. you have to already be confident to pull off that weirdness. otherwise people will just think youre a weirdo, and it DOES matter what other people want, because you are always trying to GET something from them. SELL shit to them. they are your CUSTOMER. employers and women. and actual customers for that matter.

but yeah i absolutely have to apply to 4 better 5 jobs today, i have been “off” the past few days. i mean i have been busy doing stuff. doing this 2 day study, having 2 interviews, hey thats plenty hehehehe. also i have been more inspired in writing and thinking positively, so i want to capitalize on that.

although i did have a brief fantasy about degenerately banging the attractive “milf” type women I saw at the research study. basically just imagining them being very degenerate and slutty, why wouldnt a milf be, obviously theyre damaged goods, so then i respond in kind by having very ruff secs with them. i mean these are the types of women who like to be choked and slapped during secs and just treated like GARBAGE. NOT the type of woman you marry EVER.

unfortuantely that led to me having very degenerate thoughts about them! not the tender luving secs you have with your tender luving waifu!

which is easier to think of the nondegen stuff when you view the woman as being YOUNG AND nondegen herself. a young fair maiden. rather than some worn out old skank with plenty of obvious miles on the engine.

dont give your most valuable resource away for FREE!!!

it MATTERS!!!! stop pretending like it doesnt!! and women FALL for this RUSE completely! and its so shameful and disgusting!

and the woman i wanted to spend the rest of muh life with and have 3 white children with, would rather give up her white womb EASILY to packs of wild ingras than even LISTEN to me say please be nicer to me, did I ever mean anything to you.

guy on TRSF recommends doing a “3 day water fast” basically meaning, dont eat anything for 3 days, but you can drink water. he claims it resets your system, like rebooting your whole body, you can quickly lose some extra weight, wel, you might lose some muscle too so maybe dont do it if you are BULKING hahahaha.

supposedly the first 2 days are hard but the third day is easy and where you will notice the benefits. you wont even WANT to eat your favorite foods.

and hopefully when you end the fast, you will be reprogrammed to not want to eat as much.

he recommends doing a 3 day fast once every 3 months.

http://www.gq.com/story/six-day-water-fast-diet

http://jamesclear.com/the-beginners-guide-to-intermittent-fasting

i guess i kind of already DO intermittent fasting, ie doing all your eating for the day within an 8 hour window.

http://www.nateliason.com/5-day-water-fast-health-benefits/

water fasting.

sheeeeit wanted to play some cards finally, and nobody in there.

when good men go crazy or freak out or quit things or snap or disappear…………………….

there’s usually a woman behind it all. some bitch breaking his heart. and then he goes off the deep end. his heart and his luv were a lot more pure and good than her uterus and her heart.

maybe i should impregnate nonwhites but not take of the mixed race kids, so as to “ruin” their genetic line and to essentially make them more white hahahahaha. but what are the chances they will mate with whites to have whiter kids? also…..well basically this mixed bastard would ideally be a woman, who is herself impregnated by white men. but what if its a mixed man? do I want him mixing with a white woman to create a whiter child than him?

theres no easy solution when trying to “breed out” a certain race by diluting it with whiteness hehehe.

you basically need to genocide the males and turn the females into brood mares for whites. then repeat the cycle until the people are 92% white.

this is SO MUCH WORK. It would be easier just to Send All Nonwhites Back. A lot easier and more efficient and quicker and less autistic ahaha.

but a key lesson is, males can get away with race mixing, women can’t. exactly because women are more reproductively VALUABLE.

i mean ok. it kinda made sense in times of war and imperial conquest. like white men conquering african nations and making mixed bastards. but its not a good long term strategy for whites to live there i guess. i mean in the end you just get brazil. how what is brazil. i mean the whitest whites segregate themselves….and i cant blame them!!!!!

moral of the story, just dont race mix. men or women. no good can come of it. its interesting to think of how you could “whiten” nonwhites with strategic breeding but……i dunno its just not a good roi in the long run. too resource intensive.

bbbbbut not if you just exterminate all the mixed MALE fetuses, and the white men who breed with the mixed women don’t waste any of their RESOURCES on these women. but then who takes care of the women? the state I guess. then you have this whole slave caste essentially.

but they get released out of slavery once they are 92% white. and one day the slavery ends.

but i think that “LEGACY” of slavery would be with them just like with the blacks today.

especially for the first generation of children to be Born Free, ie above 92% or whatever. they only have memories of their mother being a brood slave. yeah but they dont even KNOW their mother. they could be put up into ADOPTION with a white family and then never told about their history. that might work hahahaha.

AYO HOL UP so youre tellin me there are qt white girls from carribean islands like the cayman islands, bahamas, bermuda, etc? I thought they were all black. (watching olympic intro ceremony with all the countries proceeding in. kinda interesting.)

are these all athletes? i mean there are qt gurls for the majority of countries, even not the whitest of countries. like cayman islands, or chile, or kazakstan. like kazakstan, most people look like finngolians, but a few people look whitish! i mean shit. cryprus has some qts, even colombia.

aug 6

really the breeding whiteness into nonwhites idea is SO AUTISTIC. the easiest and best solution is simply sterilize nonwhites. there would be no camps, no ovens. just sterlize them or send them back, even give them money when you send them back.  that would be tax dollars well spent.

ok what if i found the perfect woman, but she was 50% nonwhite. SOME of these gurls can be really qt. and still look pretty white. but keep in mind barry is half white and he looks black and you dont even remember hes half white.

well, i am not talking about the 50% black mixes hahaha. maybe like asian or indian or something. yeah but their mother is a race traitor! unless its an asian. then their father is a race traitor beta cuck with yellow fever.

ok gotta apply for more jobs, been falling behind there.

ok gonna try a 20 hour fast today. i guess its not too unusual for me to to a 16 hour intermittent fast. so lets try 20 hours today. because i am a bit over. essentially need to skip one or two meals. come on. how hard is that.

ideally i would like to lose 10 more pounds but at this point, it is harder than ever.

i mean i dont really NEED to because i am at a healthy weight now. which so many fat bastards are unable to say.

i just think of the last time we talked and she was so awkward and distant and was like YOU SHOULD KNOW that this is over, just STAY AWAY FROM ME, I dont want anything to do with you. without actually saying that.

where i was more like, yeah were having issues, but we have been friends for almost 3 years, you cant just ASSUME this is over and even more you cant ASSUME that I should feel the exact same way, and that I’m the bad guy for not immediately accepting, welp, this is dead and over and Im simply never going to talk to you again. Thats fine. No Problem. Done and Done.

Ok so women CAN be mature and rational and reasonable…….but at TIMES when the emotions and the hormones hit, they turn IMMEDIATELY back into 13 year old girls. IDIOTS. and thats when you need to be careful. at that point they become very destructive. ticking time bombs. and then they cant be trusted whatsoever and can do very bad things. and in this window of time, the female ceo can wreck their company, while they are having this tasmanian devil tantrum.

you basically need to strap them down in a rubber room with a straitjacket until the fever passes.

i wish this emotional fever wasnt SO powerful and SO destructive!!!! It’s almost as destructive as the power of the womb is life-giving. and on the other side, this emotional fever is like an atomic bomb, dstroyer of worlds, i am become death, kali.

Although I have no working experience in blabla system, I would take the initiative to learn the system as quickly as possible by training myself in my personal time.

this is my new favorite response to that question hahahaha. I have taken to writing that on my applications for 27k entry level clerk jobs where they ask if you have experience in blabla program.

Train YOURSELF in your PERSONAL time.

Dont train yourself on THEIR time.

Dont ask THEM to train you on their time OR on your time.

but you can MAYBE pay somebody 20 dollars an hour to train you on your free time.

or pay somebody to let you watch them at work before and after your shift. pay them for giving you the service of letting you watch them.

that idea that were DONE, and you should KNOW it, even though I havent really told you whether i want us to be DONE or if i am willing to work on it, like you have expressed to me that you want to work on it. you should know that I dont. now get out of here and if you dont understand all this, youre a crazy sociopath.

Really I had no way of knowing did she want to work on this, or did she want out entirely.

Well she wasnt showing any action towards working on it, so I guess I should have interpreted it as she wanted out entirely. so i was the bad guy for not liking that and for pushing her to work on it and not just sitting by and accepting this with a smile saying THATS FINE.

i mean yeah yeah “i respect her decision” but at least try to be polite and clear with me about what your decision is.

wow the finland team is the whitest so far as far as being filled with beautiful white people, so far, well alongside denmark and slovakia. but damn those beautiful finns dont look anything like mongols!

but yeah you see how the majority of the WORLD are nasty negers and shitskins hahahaha.

hmm there was one cute blond girl on georgia. i thought georgia was almost white….but not quite. i mean the men looked like total turks hahahaha. turkroaches.

no i know they are not, georgians are strictly caucasian.

anyway its unfortuante that the qt white gurls are just SLUTTING IT UP with SO MANY GUYS in the olympic village. how many guys does the average olympic gurl add to her number over the average summer olympics? 10 guys? 20? 5? gotta be more than 5. i mean its not like theyre partying EVERY NIGHT. they have to rest before their big competition days.

i dont even know how long the olympics is. 2 weeks? how many days off do they get? 1 week? 7 days. so, assuming 1 new guy per night, 7 new dicks taken during olympics. not bad. well yes, actually its horrible. there is no reason ANY woman should EVER take 7 dicks in her entire LIFE. that’s 14 years worth of dick all in one week. assuming the decent white thing to do is

NEVER TOUCH A DICK UNLESS YOURE PREPARED TO COMMIT TWO YEARS TO IT.

ideally 3 years.

so when a beautiful, in shape white gurl takes 7 dicks in a week, rendering her unmarriageable in one fell swoop, assuming she was ok before, which she probably wasnt!!!

but boy these healthy looking smiling beautiful white gurls dont LOOK like the filthy whores they are!

very frustrating to be generally averaging like 1250 calories a day and not losing any more weight. how low do i have to go?

i mean to do this you have to do to about 1.5 meals a day. to lose weight you can only eat 1.5 meals a day. no snacks. now when i say 1 meal, i mean 1 decent sized honest meal that fills you up. a “big” meal.

people will tell you youre not EATING ENOUGH.

my question is when does FASTING become ANOREXIA. you can FAST for 20 to 30 days.

thinking about taking a VALIUM tonight. just to see what it does. will it be similar to nyquil? if i dont take a valium i will def take a nyquil. its amazing i still have valium LEFT. let alone a LOT of them!

i mean i would prefer just some MJ but thats impossible for me to get since i am antisocial hahahaha.

meanwhile that woman has been smoking tons of MJ the past year, being way more successful than me, and probably being slutty and giving herself away and having TONS OF FUN. while smokin tons of MJ and making TONS of MONEY. come on.

Protip: ANY THOUGHTS ABOUT “THAT WOMAN” ARE UNPRODUCTIVE. COMPLETELY. THERE IS NO POSSIBLE BENEFIT TO HAVING THESE THOUGHTS. THESE ARE THE TYPES OF THOUGHTS I NEED TO PUT INTO THE OVEN. EXTERMINATE THEM.

who CARES about that woman, it doesnt MATTER what and who she does.

WHO CARES, IT DOESNT MATTER.

yeah its just weird seeing the same or a very very similar job with a certain company get posted every 2 or 3 weeks. always an entry level job that sounds right up my alley and right up MANY peoples alley: day shift, hourly pay, not super skilled, less than 50% talking to customers, office assistant, 12-15 an hour. usually get at least 100-200 applicants per day. then they get 500 appplicants, pull the posting, then 3 weeks later, ITS BACK.

WTF IS GOING ON HERE.

yes I KNOW I JUST wrote about this, possibly in this same post, and definitely last post. because I SEE it happening regularly and it is frustrating! don’t reopen the position, throw out the net to get 500 more applicants, just call me in for an interview!

and this isnt the type of job which only 1 out of ever 10000 people can do, some special snowflake. im sure a monkey could do the job.

which makes me think its a FAKE job opening, IE there is no job, i mean maybe there IS a job, but not right NOW. They hire one person every 2 years for the job, but POST it every month and get 500 applications every time. and then select the best one out of 12000 for when they actually want to hire a person hahahaha. no they probably just put them all in the oven and just pick the best out of the most recent batch of 500.

nobody told me this is how Jobs are!

and this place has terrible ratings from employees.

it doesnt sound like they do mass hiring and mass firing…..cuz they havent hired me yet hahahaha.

maybe this is how they create a pool. but really how many people do they need in their pool? 12000?

NO, they just constantly prune the pool to the BEST 100. a better one comes in, then the worst one gets ovened.

do they really have the TIME to do this though?

but how much TIME does it take? an hour a week? they can probably manage THAT.

so thats what they are doing then. developing the strongest pool possible. shit in that case they just throw out my resume every time, because its not as good as the WORST res in the pool. in that case, a good 490 out of 500 of the applications every month get thrown out!

welp guess these losers better go back to online college and get a masters degree then!

for a 13 an hour data entry job.

yes but its full time, days, no weekends! it might even have a 401k with 1% matching, and an expensive ass high deductible health plan!

and you gotta go to CORNELL to get a full time days no weekends job hahahaha.

355 days since i wrote the final email to her. the final contact. 389 days since i last talked to her. 271 days since i last looked at jooish porno filth.

heh. took a valium, then did a 3.6 mile powerwalk, didnt really feel the valium, then came home and took half dose of nyquil, cuz supposedly benzos make everything stronger hehehehe. now i am getting a little tired.

 

NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE A WEIRDO

july 29

yeah its just incredibly frustrating when somebody is on their phone, talking and texting ALL THE TIME, they respond to EVERYBODY ELSE, but they wont respond to YOU. it is insulting and disrespectful as fook. Ya Spend All Day On The Phone Anyhow! to paraphrase the awful everest commercial. and you cant even send a text to End A Relationship hahahaha.

got call yesterday from health system i have sent 40 apps to (literally) and always get rejections from, first callback ever. called them back this morning and gave them email address to try to minimize Phone Tag. this is for a laboratory assistant in a hospital lab. purrfect. fulltime days no weekends, even better. sign me up for 13 dollars an hour. i will pass your nicotene test all day hahahahaha.  well…..maybe not hahahahahahaha.

that would be funny, to get a job offer but lose it because i failed a NICOTENE test because I smoke a COUPLE of Social Cigs per week. of course a lot more when i am working hahahaha. but you are not allowed to do that at this workplace. hospital. well i am sure there are people who hide out and chainsmoke on lunch, then spray down with febreze hahahaha.

sheeeit got interview for 10 dah part time temporary job, next thurs, the one i wanted to get resched, and they agreed to resched rather than saying get fooked…..but at a nice place. i like the place, they do job related training, REALLY i SHOULD do their job related training courses and then use that to get a 15 DAH Full Time Days Job hahahaha. working with Robots and 6000000 dollar machines. CNCs and CADs and FANUCs and lasers and injection molds and grinders and borers and dorners and whatever tf.

again that is probably soem sort of sign from GOD, answering my prayers. so maybe is “hospital lab.” working in a LAB with specimens.

“Protein Shake” with .75 scoop of Whey Protein, .5 cup of Whole Milk, and about 10 grams of Caramel Ice Cream hahahahaha

basically, if george feels can get a full time job, SO CAN I.

basically, if fatherland jim can get a FT job, and a basedwife, and a child, and own his home, SO CAN I.  I mean the guy is not only super autistic, but very neurotic and self-deprecating, by his own admission! women HATE self deprecating, neurotic men! I should know, I am one!

i like and respect both these guys of course. especially jim hahaha. but the more i “get to know” him, the more I am like WOW I cant believe he’s admitting this, and I can’t believe he wasn’t dumped by his wife after the first date hahahaha. this is the kind of guy women RUN AWAY SCREAMING from. I say that as a fellow member of that club.

so in fatherland 39 jim says, IF I CAN DO IT, ANYBODY CAN. and I could not agree more hahahaha.

the guy who bitched for like 4 straight weeks about my “trollnation” to the show. I didn’t mean the donation as a troll, but its just funny that he got SO rustled by it. yeah i can see how somebody might misinterpret it….and boy did he EVER.

COME ON. so the lady calls me back about the blood lab job and i can only interview TODAY because they have a deadline at the end of the day today. I said Monday or sometime next week would be fine. I was a little thrown off guard. I guess I should have just said yes, and then immediately took a shower, shave, get the suit on, get out there, sheeeeeeeeeit.  im wondering why she even called me. on the last day of interviews. wtf. well she said she had a death in the fam so i gave muh sympathies, but then i choked and said yeah no, i just can’t do it today, but if you would keep me in mind for other positions that would be great. the 40 other positions i had applied to hahaha.

lesson learned from being caught off guard: if they ask you for an interview TODAY, just DO IT.

it just seems so weird and unprofessional though.

i mean i wont regret this TOO much, in fact i could probably call her back right now….but sheeeeit.

women just dont understand how anxiety, shyness, despair, low confidence can keep a MAN from EVER having a GF or secs, because it doesn’t work the same way for WOMEN. WOMEN can TOTALLY have anxiety, shyness, despair, low cofidence, and it doesnt prevent them from having secs or rels AT ALL. That’s why they think its so weird when a man has never had a secs and rels. because its DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to never have secs or rels, and they are so damn narcissistic they think everybody is like them, and that men and women are the exact same, when in fact they are VERY different.

or they dont “buy the excuse” because “well I have despair and anxiety and I can still have secs and rels!” not understanding how anxiety and low cofidence DIRECTLY WEAKEN EVERYTHING which women find attractive about men. they do not directly weaken what men find attractive about women.

its much easier to not be bitchy, not be a slut, not be fat, than it is to Be Confident, Be Charming, Be a Leader.

Again I dont begrudge this ease, of women being the supply and men being the demand, i guess I just get rustled when women dont UNDERSTAND or APPRECIATE that fact of nature.

but, you could argue, they’re not supposed to. so again my expectations are too high. they’re not SUPPOSED to understand it.

The most effective Life Creator is one who does not know they are a life creator??!!?!?!?!

well yes kind of. cuz they will keep getting pregnant, exactly because they forget they can get pregnant?

interview SAME DAY. really. it sounded like they did most of the interviews yesterday. probably just whirlwind of 8 or so candidates in one day.

and what if someone just couldn’t make it that day? then into the trash they go.

BUT WHAT IF THEY WERE THE BEST CANDIDATE?

oh well then the company doesnt get the best candidate then. life goes on.

so yeah timing matters.

but youd think if they were SERIOUS about finding the best candidate, they would allow more than ONE DAY to interview all the candidates for this job. give them a span of like a week.

NOT come in on this day and time for an interview, and if you can’t, fook you, we can’t reschedule. we are interviewing for this job on one day only, in this 4 hour window.

so yeah, i can’t tell wimmin i have neversecs neverel because i have anxiety, despair, neurotic, and low confidence, they’ll say I DONT BELIEVE IT, I HAVE THOSE SAME THINGS AND I CAN GET SECS AND REL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY WRONG WITH YOU, not realizing that these things have VERY different outcomes for men vs women.

solution: just don’t talk about it , or Bullshit/Lie/Deflect until you have banged the gurl, it’s not like it would take more than 3 dates anyway.  and if she complains about you being awkward, then say you’re under a lot of stress from your job and family. and next time take some benzos and hope you perform better, cuz if you don’t, YOUR FIRED. (dumped.) dumped for being awkward at secs. i could see it happening to me! and im sure its happened to other men!

like uhhhh i can just tell by the awkward way this guy FOOKS that hes only ever fooked 1 gurl about 15 years ago, or he’s a VIRGIN, and he’s DEFINITELY not ever had a GF, or Regular Secs. EW. WEIRD. CREEPER.

well what if you had had a longterm gf where you had secs 2 times a week for 2 years hahahahahaha then she dumped you, and you were heartbroken for 2 years, and then the next time you had secs, it was awkward and weird and the bitch thought THAT, that you had never had a GF or secs on the reg? well they would be WRONG.

but not about me hahahahahaha.  bitches and whores.

that feel when you think, hmm if all else fails, i will get a part time job at mathnasium, math tutor, that would be bretty kewl, then you look up the local mathnasium and see that all their employees are young college students at good colleges, majoring in math or engin, or they went to the local STEM high school that you didnt even know about until last year hahahahaha. so they are both 12 years YOUNGER than you, and have had way more MATH than you, you who is so proud of your A in Calculus 2, and that’s as far as you went in math. well good luck making 10 DAH as a part time math tutor because you don’t have the right stuff!

i will soon be the proud owner of a The Right Stuff tshirt however hahahahahahahaha. and that does count for something hahahaha. well unless the shirt sale gets SHUT DOWN before the shirts get mailed, which there is a 50% chance.

if i ever have to dump a person, i am gonna be the best dumper on the face of the earth.

is it JUST ME who doesnt know how to DEAL with conflict in relationships? well its safe to say SHE couldnt deal wiht it EITHER.

maybe most people can’t, so most Breakups are Bad, and we should all use SHRINKS when we want breakups to be Good.

I would be more than happy to do that. I will involve a shrink EVERY TIME if thats what it takes.

id be like hay, you arent dumping me so well, and i dont know what to tell you, lets go to the shrink and they can help you dump me better.

i mean its really not brain surgery, BUT also when you are THAT Flustered, your brain just doesnt work. you can barely do basic things, remember your name, do your job.

shit and when your job is DEMANDING as FOOK, like taking a TEST EVERY DAY, obviously youre going to be FAILING that test every day!

thats what it was like hahaha. you know how you would go out with friends and stay up late if you “ONLY” had to go to skool or go to work tomorrow, but if you had a BIG TEST tomorrow, you would get nervous, and make sure to go to bed early, etc? thats what it was like EVERY DAY of work. the WHOLE JOB was like one big EXAM that you were NEVER fully prepared for. the only time you had to STUDY was when you were at home, free time.

basically all of your schooling should be taking calls in a call center for 12 years hahahahaha. that should be all of school. K-12.  then you will be ready for anything.

or why not just MAKE everybody join the military to toughen them up.

because MOST people RECOGNIZE that everybody is NOT CUT OUT FOR the military. like private pyle. like me and prob you.

bbbbbut in SOME countries they make you! the phaggot sissies in SWEDEN need to do a year of service, don’t they? if sissy SWEDISH men can do military, so can the neetest american omega!!!!!!!

or those slimy sleazy schlomos in ISRAHELL also have mandatory military service. if those shady k1k3s can do military service, so can the sissiest, phaggiest NEET!

or maybe its really easy to get out of service. like just get a doctors note saying you have bad eyesight or are too short hahahahaha.

2 more rejection letters from the health system i have applied to 40 times hahahaha. and they want me to do a DAY OF interview or NOT AT ALL. come on. and they also test for cigarettes smoking. WHY am I trying to get in here again? because they have a good number of FT jobs with low qualifications. that dont involve a call center or sales. that I still get rejected for.

you can get through school being a total awkward autist. but this does not work at ALL in the world of work and wimminz. NOBODY TOLD ME hahahahaha.

managers, like women, will reject you unless you are a total confident, charismatic chad. slip up once and youre DONE.

also school should prepare you for the level of REJECTION you get in the real world. you will be rejected 99 times out of a 100. better get used to it.

but other special snowflakes who went to the same schools as i did, did VERY VERY well for themselves! so it must be ME, not the SCHOOLS! well yeah it IS me to some extent.

so if the economy doesnt grow 4% every year, that’s a bad thing?

if it only grows 1%, thats BAD?

well yes. because……the population grows? so we should be edgy antinatalist zero population growth fooktards?

i only listen to vinyl ripz hahahaha

i remember i got this album in like 1998 and i was a little disappointed. cuz back then i just wanted chugga chugga chugga heavy heavy heavy. i thought the guitars werent HEAVY enough. the vocals werent HEAVY enough. I thought morbid angel was supposed to be the HEAVIEST death metal band ever.  (there was plenty of “brutal death metal” if thats what I was looking for. well, every album was a big investment in 1998 hahaha. so deicide “once upon the cross” was more what I was looking for.)

but nowadays i can totally appreciate the very “organic”, human, natural production on this album. and noting it was produced by the same guy that did metallica “ride the lightning” and “master of puppets.”

in 1999 I heard their next album “domination” and liked that more. i guess youre supposed to hate that album becuase thats when they sold out. but I liked the guitars and vocals better. and thought the songs were catchier.

so i can never crap on “domination”, but I am glad “covenant” has great growing and staying power.

yep going on 3 days with no shower and this is when you def start to smell hahahahahaha. sweaty crotch and pits BO hahahahahahahaha. if you get near a wimmin at this point, she WILL dump you hahahaha.

so why do we NEED 4% growth a year? why not 1%? why not .5%? why not .1%? why cant things just stay the same? they cant GROW forever! I just dont beleive that GROWTH is always GOOD.

i mean im not too worried about a woman interrogating me about muh rel history. i mean, That Woman and I became very close friends, and she had NO IDEA of my rels or lack of them. NO IDEA. I was ready to tell her the full story, but she was ultimately not interested in hearing it hahahaha.

so basically just lie, because they literally CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH.

yeah it IS hard to LIE, because your white moral fibers tell you that lying is wrong, youre not a liar. that is very well and good. but the truth is, sometimes its ok for whites to lie, such as when they are “faking it to make it” with white women. anything in service of the 14 words, its ok for whites to lie. or if it doesnt HURT anybody.

but yeah i understand how it FEELS a little jooey or ingrish. thats FINE. it SHOULD.

also its ok to LIE to get yourself a JOB.

they dont have TIME to do MORE background checking on you AFTER you GET the job. they will either do it BEFORE they offer your the job, or not at all. therefore…..lie to get a job, and if you get the job, you wont be found out later. unless it is a super powerful job or public election or something. NOT a damn entry level 28k job. the better thing to worry about is being fired for no reason, or at will, or “restructuring”, or “business needs”, or because your company is not having 4% growth every year. not because you lied about you supervising people, or you being a great negotiator, or you being good under pressure, or you being a nonweird nonvirgin nonnevergf normie.

so yeah i just want women to APPRECIATE secs and rels more. check their secs and rel PRIVILEGE. but I’m not saying that privilege shouldnt exist.

hey i dont even want them to UNDERSTAND it. I just want them to BE NICER. you know how you can luv and support someone even if you don’t UNDERSTAND them. just do that! give me your luv and support! Give me a CHANCE even though some things about me seem WEIRD at first! you have to give me a CHANCE! and not just BAIL at the first time things are a little different. im honestly not THAT weird! women have just never given me a CHANCE hahaha. men have given me a chance! and they were glad they did!

the employers who gave me a chance were pretty much glad they did hahaha.

but the wimmin never wanted to give me a chance hahaha.

well the female friends that gave me a chance found some value in me.

well thats not to say That Woman never found any Human Value in me.

She just ran away when things got complicated. thats ALL. stop reading all this malicious intent, or thinking she never cared about me. she probably DID! she just bailed when it got HARD. i have done the SAME THING in different situaitons. cant deal with hard shit. shit i cant deal with the struggles right now and avoid avoid avoid hahaha. like i never AVOIDED anything. everybody avoids sometimes.

that is the more rational, less emotional, more truthful way of looking at this. but shit its STILL hard to do that. a year later and its still hard to Correct the cognitive distortion.

so, muh sense of judgment is WRONG, my logic is WRONG. this is why I like MATH, because math FORCES you to use the RIGHT logic. if you’re not using logic, you’ll get it wrong, so if you get it right, you know your logic is right.

i guess your logic can be terribly wrong about some things, but still be right on other things (like hopefully, your job and job-related things.) so you can be a mess Emotionally and Personally, but still do a Good Job.  because the day you’re not able to do a good job…….YOURE FIRED.

did 5 mile pwalk

while doing it and listening to morbid angel hahaha i had a very illustrative thought, i thought, what if she contacts me like 2 or 3 years after it all went down and is like hey how are u lets get caught up again, you should come to this party im having, and then i go, and she is all super mature and cool and has all these new winner friends, and she looks a little older but still good, and she is now moved way up in her career, and is powerful and respected and makes good professional money, like 40k a year, and can afford a nice place in the hip winner neighborhood, and has all these friends that make 40k a year, and she doesn’t spend a lot of time with me, but just goes around mingling, and some of the guys she gets closer to than others, maybe shes fookin em, i tell her welp it was kinda a hard year, im still lookin for a jerb, its tough out there and i havent had much luck, and she said oh well good luck, maybe you can get a job starting out in call center, if you tough it out for a few years you can become a manager like i did….and then i get pissy and am like, im mad at how things ended, you were a big reason why i quit, and then she gets mad and is like oh no, dont blame ME for that, thats all on YOU and not being able to handle me not liking you, when it was clear i didnt, i mean what did you expect? dont blame ME for that! youre the one with problems, you cant handle life, thats why you quit, thats why youre still a failure 2 years later, you gotta get your stuff together man, stop living in the past, move on, get over it! and then she moves on to some other people to mingle with, and i drink my soda and get mad and sad, yeah shes right, i didnt HAVE to quit, its not HER fault, but damn shes WAY more successful than me, i can’t get over it, she makes way more money than i ever will, she’s still 8 years younger than me, and she doesnt CARE that i’m not doing well now, she doesn’t want to HELP me, other than tell me get a job in a call center and tough it out for a few years. well thats what i WAS doing until i snapped!!!! but thats my fault! but shit how can you just invite me to this party after 2 years like nothing ever happened, like we didnt end things in a terrible way?

and so that was this vivid and incredibly unproductive use of muh brain. like a series of congitive distortions turned into a ruminating STORY or daydream only designed to make me feeel bad in every way!

your brain simply SHOULDNT work like that!

so yeah this was a rumination i guess, and then it turned into a story. a ridiculous daydream. all while im trying to relax on my powerwalk!

so, dont do that. just turn off that stream of thoughts.

so yeah i would still want to be with her in that case.

shit. not with any other woman have i never wanted to meet them so much. with the other women i can be like, yeah that sucked, but i got over them, and i don’t really care about having met them or not. it was an interesting story. no need to have never met them.

but with HER, i wish i had really never met her. we had SOME really really good stuff…..but the pain and misery and suffering and failure vastly outweighs it! if i had never met her, I would have still been working at my old job, i never would have left for the new job (that WAS directly inspired by her, we could BOTH agree), and therefore i never would have LEFT that job and I wouldnt be in the pathetic, hopeless situation I am now. I would have not had a yearlong gap on muh res,  I would have had a much better shot at getting any of these jobs im interviewing for now because i would be currently employed. and then i could have gotten the job at the nursing home, or the university, or the city. no gap, no stupid call center job, no heartbreak, no thoughts of her. no thoughts of HER! do you know how MUCH I’ve THOUGHT of HER in the past 2 years? many minutes, every single day!!!!!!!!

they say to meet women, have a full life and do fun meetups for your hobbies. well what if your hobbies are all male, like 1488 huhwhyte nationalism?

plus it’s clear that women entering that would just cause drama.

and then I thought, well, wouldn’t women cause drama in ANY Social Group?

Let’s say your fookin i dunno anime group is 90 10 men women. you think all the THirsty Omegas are not gonna be in competition for those women?

and this certainly happens in nerdy groups like that! animes, comic cons, dr who, etc.

ok so lets say the group is 60 40 men women. there will still be some competition and conflict. men getting assmad when some slut dumps him to bang the more alpha men in the group.

well, not all the people in the group will be SINGLE!

i guess we need to put in the caveat that some social groups would be better than others. for example, NO anime, NO nerdy groups, NO racial groups.

cuz i was thinking, the only social group i’d like to join is a damn racial group. but we’ve already concluded that racial groups are NOT good places for women. women can support in the background and their monog husbands be in the group, but if there are Thirsty Beetas in the group desperate for waifus, then they will fight for the attention of any single woman in the group! who will then fawn over all the attention and play the men off of each other!

so you find a group where you’re the ONLY thirsty beeta? hahahahaha.

there’s thirsty beetas in EVERY/ANY group!

and them competing for the women is gonna cause tension in the group! there will be fighting, stalking, jealousy, and the loser will essentially have to leave the group. THEY CANT EVEN ENJOY THEIR DAMN GROUP ANY MORE cuz That Woman is in the group giving it up to the OTHER men.

so yeah I don’t buy this meeting women in social groups thing. its the same thing like meeting a woman at WORK or in your circle of friends. and then she turns out to be the Work Slut or the Circle of Friends Slut. She Fooks EVERYBODY and is kinda shady and sleazy. don’t get caught up in her drama.

so i wonder if women can handle being in groups at all.

leaning towards no. single women at least. married women could handle it. but their husband should be in the group with them.  and she should not leave him for other guys in the group.

im just learning NOW that WOMEN = DRAMA?

NO, I knew that 20 years ago. I guess I have just been wanting to get along with a woman without all that drama. and i DID. and then it became very, very, very dramatic.

and really I caused the drama here, not her. DAMN.

FOOOOOOOK.

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT.

yeah well she COULD have been nicer hahahaha. i could have been more Alpha, and she could have been a LOT nicer. other women have been nicer!

but yeah i hope she doesnt contact me unless she gives me a big apology and also says she wants to get together with me. even though she is very successful and i am a big failure. and she never NAGS me about my job when i finally get a job because it for damn sure wont be as much as SHES making.

sheeeeit. i CAN tell you that its not natural for men and women to compete like this in the Economic Marketplace. and its a REAL WEIRD dynamic when you get rejected by a woman, then you end up comparing yourself with her CAreer-wise and trying to Beat her in career, cuz she beat YOU in the game of Luv, so now you want to Beat hear in the game of career. but you DONT, she beats you even WORSE in the game of career and ends up becoming WAY more successful than you. she’s younger than you and she is a manager / leader / senior / director / supervisor / VP / level 3, and you are older and still a damn entry level level 1.

adds insult to injury and makes you feel like more of a loser.

of course, THEYRE not doing that, YOU’re doing that to yourself. you dont HAVE to compare yourself to their career at all.

i mean, if they ARE forcing it down your throat, thats a different story. but if you havent talked to them in 2 or 3 years, and you are just stalking them on linkedin and looking at their career from afar…..that sucks. DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!

thats the type of stuff I do. Shit I dont even DO it any more. I don’t look at ANY of these women on linkedin or facebook. but I STILL think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like i imagine HER being a successful Manager!

even though i haven’t been on facebook in a year, and i haven’t looked at her on linkedin in like 8 months, and back then she didnt have any updates. now i know she got a new job, prob a tough job i couldnt handle, and i am making all these assumptions that she is a manager, she is moving UP.

i guess i am a masochistic glutton for self punishment. if it hurts, I DO it! thinking about her moving UP in career? getting jealous? yep! so just keep thinking about the painful shit! you are a master at adding your OWN insult to injury!!!!!!!! more cognitive distortions! or really, emotional piling on! you are serving up Self Serve Pain to your SELF!!!!! DONT DO THAT!!!!!!!!!

july 30

essentially Cutting Yourself mentally/emotionally. how gay is that. you dont want to be A Cutter!!!!

I was WILLLLING to handle the situation in a mature way! I just needed her cooperation! HER willingness! and thats ON HER!

so yeah i have my issues but its not truthful to say that my issues ruin every rel i ever have!

GIVE ME A CHANCE! be WILLING to communicate with me!

maybe i should go on okcupid and look for women who are looking for “just friends” hahahaha because i am certainly not Emotionally Available, and women that advertise they are looking for just casual secs, while I might want that, are not the type of women i want to meet, and generally good people to stay away from.

also as a general rule, when someones heart is breaking, dont blame them for getting feelings, just accept this is how hearts work, be appreciative that somebody opened their heart to you, and take pains to treat their heart gently….even if you didnt ask for this.

hey its not like i dont know how 2 relationship….ive just never been given the CHANCE! never given a FAIR SHAKE!

never had anyone who was WILLING!

yes this issue of WILLING is a big deal. you can lead the horse to water but you cant make them WILLING to drink.

the WILL comes from WITHIN.

heh applied for 2 jobs on a saturday.

tweaked cover letter a TINY bit to more effective Cup The Balls of the Company’s Mission Statement.

i guess basically go on okcupid and look for attractive women who seem CHILL and who seem liek they smoke MJ and are under 30. who cares if they have kids or tattoos, i am just using them for casual secs hahaha. and i will TELL them that. most women are ok with being used for casual secs, woman use MEN for casual secs just as much.

yes it is degenerate! but i cant get pregnant ever, and maybe banging some sluts will help me forget about HER, and it will also increase my confidence and experience with women, which will make me better at pulling QUALITY women that actually CAN replace her and make me forget about her!!!

jeez. can you IMAGINE how many HOURS and DAYS i WASTED THINKING about HER the past YEAR, even though she was OUT OF MY LIFE, she continue to take up SO much of my thoughts? still does! how can you THINK about someone so much when you havent seen or talked to them in a YEAR? its RIDICULOUS!

yet you THINK about them an HOUR a day at LEAST? 365 hours! thats like 9 full Work Weeks! that is THOUSANDS of dollars!

if you had to put a PRICE on the PAIN of a broken heart, it would DEFINITELY be in the TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. 10 to 99 thousand dolars.

162 dollars for round trip flight to denver hahaha. can get motel for 70 dollars a night hahaha a little pricey. i ideally wanted a motel with a sauna so i could smoke tons of MJ, then sit in the sauna. well, actually i would probably walk around the forests and mountains. smoke MJ all day. then go to sauna at night. smoke tons of MJ every waking moment. probably take a few puffs in the middle of the night too. like when you wake up for a few minutes at 4:20 am, take a puff, go back to sleep hahahahahahahahahahaha.

that woman. i cant believe she has a medical MJ card and can buy MJ whenever she wants. she doesnt even have a qualifying condition and doesnt even CARE! MOST people get it for chronic pain, and jsut smoke MJ where they might have become pill poppers like white trash. but she doesnt have chronic pain!

maybe she does, she just never told me. hahaha.

SEE? a YEAR later, and still THINKING about her!!!DAMN!!!!!

also a year later, and still thinking about that JOB. HOW did I do that stuff? why didnt I snap earlier? I could never do that again!

when have I felt the most confident? When I accomplished or did well on something that MATTERED to me. like get a new job (although actually working the job would be very nerve wracking at the beginning, nullifying any gains in confidence) or especially when the things were going well with some woman. for like the 2 days in my life where things were going well with a woman hahahaha. no really its more like 14 days, thats not bad. 14 days of confidence in 30+ years hahahahahaha. no i bet i have had 30 days of confidence in 30 years, between the few women, and the few accomplishments!

but yeah making out with a gurl and shes not PUSHING you, that is a good confidence builder. when its a gurl you WANT to be making out with, instead of like, damn this gurl ugly but I am desperate, wow how shameful, imma get buttmad now. but rather WOW this gurl is awesome and THIS is awesome and I am awesome etc…… now that doesnt happen very often hahahahahahaha

you get neurotic and obsessive. you dont think about ANYTHING ELSE with the obsession and interest and tenacity you think about WOMEN with.

looked up data entry on ziprecruiter and found some jobs i have not seen on indeed. oh great. so i set up an email alert for data entry on ziprecruiter hehehe

why do women have such a disregard and disrespect for human life? you’d think they’d hae some kind of inherent bond, with babies and shit, because babies grow inside them. but no. they have NO problem killing their babies, less problem than MEN do as a matter of fact. they have LESS respect for life than MEN do. ABSOLUTELY REPREHENSIBLE.

such WEIRD feelings. what do you DO when you feel “incompetent.” thats a weird thing to feel, but I feel it.

so fix it by doing something competently!

no its not just that, it’s doing 51% or more of all things competently!

i dont WRITE very competently, this writing is a total mess. I dont job search or interview competently. i am not competent with wimmin. or employers. or personal hygiene. i AM competent with walking however. i am sort of competent with sticking to my calorie goal. i am competent with driving. thats a pretty big deal. i can drive places and not get in accidents ever. that should get me SOMETHING hahahaha.

i mean i wouldnt want to drive for a JOB. I would be totally incompetent driving a TRUCK.

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME that the majority of your working life would be spent feverishly trying to convince angry people that you weren’t an idiot, you weren’t incompetent. Well, you were KINDA incompetent, but you weren’t an IDIOT, you just weren’t QUICK witted. You aren’t QUICK WITTED, but you are smart, you swear! You got an A in Calculus 2 and got a 4.0 in high school and a 3.9 in Community College and a 3.7 in University! you were in the top 10% in high school! you peaked in high school! you should have seen me when I was 17! you wouldnt thought I was an idiot THEN! good thing that was literally half a lifetime ago.

 

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY OF SEX, MEN ARE THE DEMAND

july 27

4 or 5 jobs on muh “work” days hahahaha.  got muh 5.

hey fine i get it, women are sexual. the only thing i resent is them being so PUBLIC and OPEN with HOW SLUTTY they are, specifically, how EASY they give it up to secsy chads, guys theyre interested in.

I dont care if you WANT him, MAKE HIM WAIT.

YOU CAN GET PREGGERS FROM THIS. MAKE HIM WAIT. 3 MONTHS AT LEAST. CANT YOU WAIT 3 MONTHS? even 3 months is pretty slutty imho. 6 months is a lot better.

what would you want your tradwife, the mother of your children, to have for her average wait time till secs with Chad? 3 months or 6 months? 3 dates? 1 date? 1 month? 1 year?

and its just disgusting seeing purty young gurls advertising such a Short Wait Time!

but I dont KNOW that! maybe they made those guys wait a YEAR! and NOW they are just showing normal interest in them. public displays of  interest.

this is very likely. i overregister any signs of interest by a woman in chad as “THAT DIRTY EASY SLUT.” i am VERY prone to this COGNITIVE DISTORTION and it makes me feel despair and anger and hatred towards women, and its all based on a false distorted foundation.

its easier for women to replace men because women have a lot of options, and get a lot of interest from secsy chads.

if i had qt young staceys showing interest in ME, i would forget about That Woman SO FAST. but it is VERY hard for me to win/earn that kind of interest from attractive women.

yes i AM a lookist. like i say, i never got feels for a woman who wasnt a 7!

when REALLY, considering my OWN value, i SHOULD be aiming for 5s and 6s! ive said this before! if i keep aiming for 7s, i’m gonna keep getting disappointed!

but Im not ATTRACTED to 5s or 6s!

i have run up against the chapin conundrum hahaha. where i cant force myself to be attracted to the less-than-7s who might show interest in me. not that any have yet!

speaking of 5s and 6s, i applied for 5 and then 6 jobs today hahahahahaha jobsearching neet virgin humor

so in other words, i think every cute young girl is a slut, shit i think every woman is a slut….even when theyre really not. so thats a cog distortion.

whats NOT a cog distortion is that being a slut is BAD. many women will say “THERES NOTHING WRONG with being a slut.” they are bad sluts doing bad things. being a slut is BAD, no cog distortion there. whatsoever. dont get it twisted.

red pill but not black pill hahaha. yes it is hard to put the brakes on once you take the red pill. but just becaue the red pill is true does mean the black pill is true!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women are like that hahahahaha

i mean, not all women are dirty whores making secs vidyas

but all women ARE hypergamous mercenaries just playing the game the way they were designed to play it.  but they certainly dont HAVE to go to degenerate whorish extremes. doesnt mean they have NO sense of right and wrong. they CAN have some sense of morality (though not as strong as a mans) and they CAN abide by some standards of human decency. they dont HAVE to be ANIMALS just because a LOT of them are in the current year.

and now im just bitching about hypothetical, imaginary, fictional acts. fictional women doing fictional sluttiness. as far as the actual transgression against me, that wasn’t slutty at all. it was just cowardly and passive and not even very Evil in Intent. its just cowardly avoiding, which we’ve all done.

and yeah part of muh rage against these fictional sluts is an expression of muh anger against that woman. even though im angry at them for different things. and then im bringing it back around and saying, well if that woman did this, then she could also be a huge slut like all these other sluts, she hasn’t yet, but she probably will.

IT DOESNT MATTER, IT DOESNT MATTER, IT DOESNT MATTER.

because i will never be with her. she can never hurt me again. her sluttiness and her cowardice and her lack of interest will never hurt me again!

well they will hurt other omega men!

but i have absolutely no way to help them. if i TRIED to, it would be creepy af because it would basically involve stalking her, which I’m not gonna do. not gonna do it folks. not gonna do it.

maybe if there were a way to do it without stalking her? but there’s NOT.

besides, she will probably not do this to other men. she will probably be a nice, interested, loving GF like she was to the other guys.  she just did what she did to me not because she has some evil core she’s kept hidden, but because she was confused and overwhelmed and didnt want to deal with the situation.

july 28

not much interesting to say. try to apply to 5 jobs today. want to go to store. do 4.2 miler. HECK how about a 5 miler? yes ok that sounds good. might do some 5 pm nyquil hahahaha. try not to write about YOU KNOW WHO. probably write a little about how all women are Pig Disgusting Whores hahahaha. who fook tons of ingras on the first “date.” off tinder. in cars. and vidya it on their phones. while playing pokemon and instagramming and faceboking and snapchatting and texting lol lol lol idk ikr lol

the reason i am again female sluttiness is because it HURTS PEOPLE. IT HURTS. DO NO HARM.

dont use PEOPLE as PLAYTHINGS. USE ONCE THEN THROW AWAY. NO.

i guess women use weak men as disposable playthings, becuase strong men have used the women as disposable playthings.

i prefer to work at a slow, steady speed

this is a BAD thing in those stupid job personality tests. say NO to this. but dont COMPLETELY DISAGREE because that will flag the “you are a liar distorter” flag for the employer to see. simply just disagree moderately.

slow and steady does NOT win the race. FAST wins the race. FAST and steady. not fast and flustered.

fast and steady wins you a 28k job. maybe even a 8 to 5 if you are lucky! no PRN, no rotating, no casual, no split shifts. they never taught us about these things in college. needless to say, me and my tradwife will teach them in Huhwhyte Homeschool hahahahaha.

whoops mispelled the company in the cover letter. instant rejetion hhhahaah. i am a good speller, just a bad typer. i need a spellcheck that is basically autocorrect.

sheeeeit a 37 minute application. that counts as LONG given muh average of 11.9 minutes.

ok 5 apps good enuff 4 me hahahaha.

hey i didnt ASK for this!

NOBODY ASKED ME!

was very close to getting this stainless steel safety razor. they say its better for irritation. and shaving muh neckbeard can cause some irritation.

job for Robotics Simulator? for some reason i am drawn to Robot jobs and Advanced Manufacturing jobs. this is PROBABLY a sign from GOD that I should TAKE ACTION ON.

i like muh spreadsheet because i can put in links

link to emails, link to evernotes, link to archive.is, link to pastebin, link to just about anything relevant to the jobs in the spreadsheet

want something permanent and ideally your own account so somebody else cant delete the link

just got call from this “advanced manufacturing training” center that i had interview with over a month ago, didn’t get it, now they want to int me for another, i couldnt get to the time they wanted because i have muh other int that day.

also did i mention i got not one but TWO research studies next week which EACH pay 200 shekels. HORRY SHEET. that is the most ever. so yes that is AWESOME. that is BETTER than an interview. 400 dollars for less than 4 hours of stress-free “work” where people are nice to me and asking for Muh Consumer Opinions.

but yeah get muh 12th interview. so the jahb is temporary. ask them if theres any chance of it getting extended, or renewed. also if not, would i make enough money to qualify for Unemployment. Probably NOT hahahahaha. you have to have made a certain floor amount over the past 5 quarters…..and i don’t think you can possibly do that unles you are working full time for at least 13 dollars an hour.

shit. you get all a’s in skool, you do well on tests, being measured, those measurements tell you you are way above average and should do VERY well in life, but then you get interviews, which are like pass fail classes, you either pass or you fail, no in between, and literally 95% of the time, you are going to FAIL. this IS hard to get used to. to do from doing very well, to being an Abject Failure the VAST majority of the time. it IS hard to get used to. when everyone else has succeeded, and in order to get what you most want, ie women, you HAVE to succeed at the test of Working Life, definitely the hardest test of them all. And also most WOMEN beat you at this pass fail test where you fail 95% of the time.

well at least now i LOOK GOOD when i fail hahahaha.

apply to 40 jobs at one Health System over 40 months, i think i might have finally got an interview. maybe.

see im just not USED to 99% chance of failure, 1% chance of success. WELL, ive gotten used to it for sending applications. but sometimes i still get my hopes up about interviews. well, in a couple interviews, for jobs that didnt seem like you would be slammed with weird shit all day and have to be in the hot seat fixing and explaining things to angry people who you can’t tell if theyre being unreasonable or not.