DONT WALK ALL OVER A DOORMAT AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM BEING A DOORMAT

IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A DOORMAT.

all these women complaining about nice guy doormats. YES I AGREE it sucks to have people THROWING themselves asking to be WALKED ON, but THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT!!!!! Use it as a teaching moment to leave them better than you found them. say, stand up man! Dont let people walk all over you! and feel SHAME on Yourself if YOU ever walk on people!

GOOD WOMEN DONT WALK ON MEN!

DONT WALK ALL OVER A DOORMAT AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT HIM BEING A DOORMAT!

BETTER TO LIGHT A CANDLE THAN CURSE THE DARKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i never walked on people. i wouldnt feel RIGHT walking on people. id say, this is fookin retarded, get up man, im not gonna WALK on you, have some damn self respect man!

yep so reading the controversial stuff from march 2015 (1.5 years ago hahaha) its obvious i should have

  1. just left it all alone, which i OBVIOUSLY couldnt do, so therefore my best option was
  2. just Confess and Blurt It Out right then and there. STOP WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT to talk to her because she wasnt gonna take it. the best I could have done is send her a one page email stating all the facts in as unemotional a way as possible and say, welp heres the explanation for all this. now just reject me already and lets move on with our lives and not have too much butthurt.

 

 

heh i kinda wish That Woman was all sad because YES IT IS, I GET IT, that losing a friend is HARD, even if you arent losing a Lover. So I wanted to know that she was UPSET to lose me as a friend, because that means i MEANT something to her as a friend, which i was PRETTY SURE I did. And she meant something to ME as a friend too! and then shit CHAAAAANNNGGGGED!!!!!! How is this SO HARD to understand! FEELINGS CHANGE!!!!!! Just Friends shit can CHANGE to wanting to be more than friends! its not ULTERIOR MOTIVES!!!!!

i guess i was/am trying to convince myself i didnt have ulterior motives. becuase i wouldnt like ulterior motives either. but deep down i guess i know it wasnt ulterior motives.

but i can see how you might think its ulterior motives, and i really want to convince you it wasnt, because i know how bad ulterior motives are.

 

hehehehe

 

i mean this stuff HAPPENS, its not just ulterior motives. but do WOMEN ever get feelings for their GUY friends, or it it always the other way around? i dunno. knowing women and how stupid and ridiculous they are, they probably dont, hahahahaha. why not? because they are meeting fun, interesting, secsy, eligible NEW guys ALL THE TIME. just a revolving door of neverending new guys. never any need to RETHINK anything because there is always someone NEW,

women are CONSTANTLY meeting new guys. men meet like one new woman a year. women meet a new guy EVERY DAY.

shit yeah men are more easily replaceable. its just a fact of life. get used to it.

yeah well that has been hard for me. i hate being replaced hahahaha. it takes 2 years for me to get over it every time.

and now all these people are piling on the man as the bad guy here, because he was friends with her, and as soon as she says no i wont fook you, he DUMPS her and turns his back. its all about SECS and FOOKING to these women, they dont even know what LUV is, and they cant understand that feelings happen sometimes, and its really hard to turn off feelings, and sometimes you need to be away from the person in order to get over your feelings, because they dont have feelings for you! and they call that dumping your friend because she didnt want to fook you. way to totally miss the point in the most jooish way possible. its like they never had unrequited luv for a friend before hahahaha. and they probably HAVENT! men understand what this is like………women do not.

yes they are like a separate species! damn! they dont know any of our feels and we dont know any of their feels!

good thing she hurts! but i GUARANTEE SHE will get over him a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT quicker than he gets over her! it will take him two YEARS, it will take her 2 months, tops.

interviews monday tuesday AND wednesday. that is a first. 3 interviews in 3 days. i mean how can I NOT get a Job Offer pretty soon? hehehehe.heh.

probably because i have Stopped Trying on the interviews. but I still dont do markedly WORSE. but i am remarkably not self aware hahahaha. i write about myself all day and im still not self aware hehe.

sheeeit back in march 2015 i was smokin MJ regularly. the best thing was to just put it in a regular cigarette. take out maybe half of the filter. and then you could easily smoke those outdoors.

heh. you know why i get jealous when you go hang out and meet all these new guys? because one of these new guys youre gonna think is more interesting and secsy than me and i dont want u to leave me!

i mean people can do what they WANT. no ones entitled to anything. just saying its god damn competitive AF out there, when your GF is meeting all these hot new guys all the time, and you are pretty average at best. hows she NOT gonna leave you for one of them, when you take all this extra effort to appreciate?

i have Being Dumped issues because women have had NO PROBLEM dumping me when the time came. showing me EXACTLY how much value they thought I had As A Mate. NO PROBLEM replacing me with a Sexier Man. Doesnt mean those men were Essentially Superior Humans to Me, in GODS Eyes…………but the women I was trying to get with sure thought so!!!!!!!

so hell yeah i have ISSUES about that! anyone would!!!!!

not saying i agree with this, but wouldnt it be an incentive for the state to legalize MJ if there were HUGE TAX REVENUE they could get from it? like if people make more money with it being illegal (police, law enforcement, pharm, alcohol, lawyers, jails), then WHY NOT add SO MUCH TAX to it that the state would make more money off the TAX than they would off all these other things. which means it would have to be a damn high tax. like maybe 20% hahahaha.

basically, how much tax would be ENOUGH for State Govt to approve legal MJ?

i mean i would be willing to pay a HUGE tax.

now im DEFINITELY not saying that that tax money would be used wisely. roads would still be falling apart, schools would still be shitty, infrastructure would still be shitty, there would still be no jobs, and all the money would just go to state workers and politicians salaries and pensions hahahaha, even if it brought in in a trillion bux a year. but shouldnt that be enough to convince THEM?

how about a 100% tax rate. buy a $100 bag of MJ for $200 and $100 goes to the state. how could the state not want that.

hahahahahaha

so i will be speaking to the director of IT tomorrow, he has a very impressive linkedin and has accomplised 14880000000000000000000000 times the things i have at around the same age i am.

they mentioned another guy would be there too, they just mentioned a first name that sounded very informal, i looked up people named this at the company, and thats the CEO’s first name. he goes by this informal kind of nickname. he has a PHD from CAMBRIDGE. I mean thats intimidating as FOOK. do I really NEED all that? i am just trying to make 12 dollars an hour here. you dont need to have your cambridge phd ceo fooking talk to me.

oh i bet he has a wife and children too. and gets respect from people. well hes EARNED it!

the company is probably making at least 30 million a year in revenue and they want ME to speak to the CEO. i mean ive seen this before, where there were RIDICULOUSLY high up people in the interview for basically an entry level position.

trying to do some research on company, interview prep right now, printing shit. gonna run out of this “new” black print cartridge i just bought like a month ago. lucky if a print cart can last for 10 interviews hehehe.

right now posting some stuff from april 2015, when i was still talking to her. it is sad. real sad. i am very embarrassed and ashamed of how cowardly and weak and stupid i was. shes not a bad person. i wasnt trying to play mind games with her, but im sure i ended up confusing her anyway. she was having a tuff time in life. the best thing i could have done was be direct. and i wasnt. you think she was mature enough to handle that at 24 years old? come on.

i mean i didnt want to manipulate her either. i was just SO DESPERATE to hang out with her, and she just kept avoiding it. so why didnt i say, well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt want to hang out! so stop bugging her, OR JUST SAY WHAT I WANT TO SAY AND BE DONE WITH IT.

so it is painful seeing myself acting so idiotically against this poor little confused gurl.

but i was confused too. i wasnt trying to manipulate or control her. i just want to hang out. and i just couldnt accept reality though.

i wish i had the BALLS just to say what I was really thinking though. just be a MAN and be like LISTEN. HERES THE THING. I’ve started to like like you over the past couple months. this affects our rel and we HAVE to deal with it.

not cutesy bullshit like i missssssssss you and lets hang out soon bla bla bla.

I WAS ACTING LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah hope i dont have too many throwback posts like that, becuase i need to move on from that. i mean i learned my lesson and hopefully i wont do the same shameful shit again.

which isnt to say shes blameless. she could have done better too.

but i was no innocent either.

but im not a bad guy, shes not a bad person either, we were just two decent people who used to be good friends, both acting very weakly and cowardly, and the entire rel crumbling and dying as a result, and it was just SAAADDDDDDD AS FOOOOOOOK.  Like i say im not ANGRY at her, i haven’t really EVERY gotten ANGRY except BEFORE it ended. After it ended, I’ve just been SADDDDDDD AS FOOOOOOOOK. Cuz it really IS!

talking to the CEO. WHY would they throw out this second name, you’ll be talking to director if IT john kimball, and also billy. who the fook is billy. (not actual name.)

Why not say Billy Smith, CEO of the 500-employee company??????

so that means the job pays at least 40k right?

36k is National Average. i mean even that is a little HIGH for me, thinking well ive settled for 12 an hour, no WAY anyone would ACTUALLY pay me 18 an hour!

maybe the CEO just sits in on SOME interviews for FUN when he has the time and is not having power lunches or doing photo ops. he has a free hour, they’re doing an interview, whoopee, might as well drop in and terrify the Supplicating Dogsbody for a 12 dollar an hour job when I make 200k a year. I make TEN TIMES what he does.

It’s just not a WHITE thing to do to LORD your influence over other white men like that. And I’m pretty sure the guy is white. CEO with a phd in engin from cambridge, about 65 years old. gotta be white.

so she was just an immature little gurl, didnt know any better, dindu nuffin. yeah but she had like 5 years more relship and secs experience than me!

but THATS AS A WOMAN! WOMEN dont do any ACTUAL WORK or EFFORT or TRYING in relships! they dont learn any actual SKILLS like communication, empathy, sympathy, kindness, compassion, love, etc hahahahaha.

they can have 10 years of relship experience and still be CHILDREN!!!

anyway. interview tomorrow. another humiliation hahaha. no really MOST of the people ive talked to have been NICE.

but yeah i am ashamed i didnt do better. i really shat the bed. she kinda shat the bed too, but that much is on her. but I shat the bed too and I am ashamed of it and never want to make the same mistake again.

i dont think not shitting the bed would have made her Luv me…..but it prob would have saved some pain and butthurt from The End.

Shit just hire a shrink EVERY DAMN TIME you want to End A Rel. because you are gonna be so emotionally compromised you’ll fook it up every damn time. so just pay a shirnk 50 bucks to do it for you.

i just wish i had not been such a weak, pathetic, stupid bitch. i wish i could look back and say i was proud of how i acted. that i handled this like a grown, honorable, respectable, mature white man. and that i didnt act like a little girl.

i mean i wasnt Abusive or Creepy so I guess that is good, but I was pushy and needy and immature like a little girl. not my finest hour hahaha.

shaved face with actual razor today instead of electric shaver, its an interesting alternative and prob a closer shave.

oh well. im going to interviews. IM TRYING. IM TRYING. IM MAKING AN EFFORT hahahahaha. im not just sitting here like a lazy negro. i have done 486 applications and 27 interviews. and still cant get a 24k job with health care hahahaha.

i dunno. it just chaps my ass that 25 year old women arent mature enough to do work in a relationship and communication, but they ARE mature enough to get masters degrees and make 60k a year, and i am not mature enough to hold down a 30k a year job without Flaming Out and Breaking Down under the pressure.

really grinds my gears hahahaha.

this IT Ninja I am interviewing with has been working 20 years in IT, much of it higher level / management, but didnt finish his bachelors degree until he was successful in his career, in something COMPLETELY unrelated and useless. I mean he is the type they make MBA In IT Degrees for so he can be a good CIO.

but he probably makes too much money to want to do that, he can always get good paying work, he knows he’s got Valuable Skills. i bet he’s married as fook hahaahahahaha. i mean he’s been very gainfully employed for the past TWENTY YEARS and sounds like a charismatic, can-do guy, judging by the 10 diff recommendations from people on his linkedin. ideally i would do this, but i cant really. get linkedin recs i mean.

anyway i have to drive past HER workplace in order to get to interview/workplace tomorrow. and what if she were outside the office smoking a cig or something. well she probably quit smoking cigs, like a responsible successful person.

i should stop attacking her, because she is broken hearted that she lost a Dear Friend, ie Me! it HURTS to lose a friend!

hehehehe tell me about it. hey i lost a friend too.

oh so youre hurting? not my problem. go to a shrink. hehehehehehe.

i also hate reddit for assuming that 25 year old women are not mature enough to be responsible for their decisions and lives. and for being against getting married young and having children young. and that you are only mature once you hit 30.

yeah well this may be the case with a lot of people, but my god they are REALLY against people getting married before like age 25 at the absolutely earliest. especiall for women. men dont really matter. but women need to get all that EXPERIENCE and have all those ADVENTURES and make all those MISTAKES.  youre only ready to marry once youre 30 and have taken 30 cox.

heh. watching a ridic old sherlock holmes episode and its the guy from raiders of the lost ark, the nervous creepy nazi “toht”. wearing a ridiculous wig. is that the same guy? kinda looks like him.  i have never seen him in anything else.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2043454/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_16

yes its the same guy, ronald lacey.

ANYWAY. he died in 1991 of CANCER.  and had to use a colostomy bag since he was like 20 years old. well he still managed to have at least two children.

yeah thats the thing. its a REAL MIXED BAG, age 25 is, for women. some are mature, some are not. but i think they should be more mature than immature. i mean yeah I was immature then, and now, but I SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN. Thats WAY too old to be immature.

yeah well i had never done this before, never had this experience, never fell in luv with a friend, i didnt think i ever would. so i guess that thing wasnt INGRAINED in me by age 25! like i think everything is INGRAINED by age 25. you can still do plnety of learning and changing after that. thank god.

so….you can get a shady doctor to sign a MMJ rec, BUT the state licensing agency doesnt need to APPROVE it and send you your state approved card! actually the state DENIES about 20% of the applications they get every year! but why?????? do some doctors have a reputation as shoddy? probably. under investigation by LE? probably.

but dont they just raid the dispensaries? do they really care about doctors? ive only heard ONE news story in the past 5 years or so about a doctor getting charged with MJ card fraud.

OR should i complain about Severe Pain next time i see my regular doc, THEN get recrods printed, take those to MMJ doctor?

should i be trying to Scam The System like this? doesnt that LOOK BAD for MMJ in general, and also for Legal MJ in general?

hey just charge 100% tax and legalize it! legalize, tax, and regulate it, oh great state hahahahaha.

i mean honestly its a great safety net. i could have the Worst Day At Work of Angry Customers Demanding Explanations, and it would be easier to take knowing I had some MJ waiting at home for me!

i honestly LUV it the way i luv a waifu. it is one of the best REWARDS for me. like giving a dog a treat or giving a kid candy/ice cream. or give the normie his cuddly gf. give me some mj.

i also wish i hadnt overdone the drinking, so that i could go out with normies drinking, as a way to Team Build. you will have an easier time at Work if you go out drinking with your Team, otherwise you look like the Office Weirdo, and they are gonna try to Force You Out and Bullycide you hahahahaha.

if they REALLY have me talk to the CEO of a 300 person, 30 million a year company, i am gonna write 6000000 words on it hahahaha.

when you start a rel, start a FUND and put 50$ in it, so you can pay a shrink to facilitate the breakup. PREPAY for your inevitable breakup hahahaha. shit ill pay for it, just like a man paying for dinner. it’s well worth the 50$ to me. maybe even 100$. two sessions.

 

she makes 100k, he makes 35k, they are both 28 yo hahahahahahaha. look at this fookin normie making 35k at age 28 hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

what about men who get divorced at age 30, then dont date again till they are 45, and find that all the 30-45 women are HORRRRRRRRIBLE. all the ego of a 25 year old but none of the hotness to back it up. also more kids, more cox, more exes, more crazy. i dont want to date 35 year olds! except maybe for casual secs. but you cant have a FAMILY with 35 year old women!

i just worry i will never get that close to THAT high quality of a woman again and will always have to settle for LESS.

 

heres some great drama. I dont think he should GHOST her thought. just be like wow im really shocked you had an abortion, i dont think i can marry a baby murderer, or, maybe i can, lets talk about this.

i mean yeah i would be shocked too. but its probably better than cheating. maybe. its still pretty damn bad. i am very anti abortion, more than averaege.

also this woman is super retarded because she refuses to believe she was being dishonest. does not understand the concept of dishonesty by omission.

hmm maybe thats what i did to HER. lying by omission. i wasnt telling her about this big important thing.

well it all comes back to “I was PLANNING on telling her when we HUNG OUT because thats a BIG CONVERSATION that you cant have via text, needs to be done IN PERSON.”

which is true, BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt

what i LEARNED was,

when they keep AVOIDING you for X months,

then YES, you DO tell them the big thing via text, because your rel is pretty much OVER anyway.

oct 24

posted a response on despair forums for the first time in months, felt like interacting with someone hhehe. a man suffering after a bad breakup, where she blamed him, said its all your fault, and blocked him for being smothering, when he wasnt. that has got to be hard to hear. i imean THAT WOMAN never accused me of being smothering, but i knew she was thinking it, and i know i can be, and i have tried NOT to be.

had interview with the healthcare place today, went ok, was nervous, always nervous, anticipating crucifixion. i asked whos this “billy” guy, is the CEO really gonna be here, and they said yeah he likes to sit in on a lot of interviews, but he had to go to a last minute business lunch, sorry he couldnt be here. I said thats fine, i am always happy to come in and talk to him later, or on the phone. but yeah. that WAS the CEO. very hands on CEO. damn.

talked to it director, and there were 2 women in there as well. kind of a low pressure interview. there was an 8 minute wonderlic Intelligence Test before everything started. i only got through 20 questions. sheeeeeeit.

i forgot to ask how many people were interviewing. i did ask about salary and did not say another place was muh number 1. i demonstrated knowledge of the company and said welp i dont have tons of working experience with SQL and C++ but I coursework in them and got all A’s. i like to take initiative to teach myself the things i need to know. i use google, do due diligence, and ask intelligent questions.

i said WELP i looked at glasdoor, says 35k is the average, but i’m looking to come in well below average because i am entry level, i made X at previous job, and i am looking for 14 to 16 here, but very flexible. i want to be in your ballpark. they talked about how great the benefits were and how there are 19 paid days off a year.

i mean it looks pretty good. would not mind getting this job. this one is prob the new number 1 anyway. close to home, 15 an hour, benefits, M-F days, growing company, award winning workplace.

also i went in there and saw that a woman i used to work with at the Living Hell Previous Job was there. she was always super nice and I was nice to her and helped her when she was new. and she appreciated my help. although I think I shocked her once with my filthy mouth, hahahaahaha. but i think she forgot about that. anyway she seemed happy to see me and i was nice to her today. also sent her an invite on linkedin today while everything was fresh. she was/is a nice sweet person and thats all that matters to me. also she was a smart good worker and deserved a better job. so nice to see she got a job here. i am sure it is at least a little better than where we were.

anyway ideally she can say oh yeah he’s great, he’s super nice AND super smart. i mean i had a good repoire with her and liked helping her. i mean i liked helping people in general and our people needed a LOT of help because they were constantly being THROWN TO THE LIONS, not just the wolves, but the goddamn LIONS, they needed a lot of help, and there was not enough of a supply of help. so i took up the cross and helped people off the clock quite a bit.

anyway maybe thats a SIGN FROM GOD that THIS IS THE ONE, that this nice woman works there.

or maybe its just the 27th rejection hahahahaha. life goes on, time marches on.

way to email me paypal and amazon letting me know my password has been stolen and that i should change it hahahaha.

anyway. yeah i would totally take this job. its close and doesnt seem too bad. i could be somewhat proud of working there. there might be some help desk work but as long as its less than 4 hours of inbound calls a day, that would be ok.

i drove by the place where i heard That Woman was working. i said IM NOT GONNA LOOK AT IT but i failed in that and instead blatantly Rubbernecked at the parking lot looking for her car. I didnt see it but there were a lot of cars and i was going 40 mph. i swore that if i drove by again after the interview i would not look at the building or parking lot. that i would physically block it with my hand.

instead i just took another road to go home.

if i get this job i am willing to do whatever it takes to not look at that building or parking lot hahahaha.

i cant believe the CEO is so HANDSY that he likes to do so many interviews. he has a phd in engin from cambridge. did he publish any papers? how much money did he make as an Executive Business Consultant, and then as CEO of a health care company? how fookin rich is he? is he british? probably. why would he come from UK to here? I would rather be born in the UK hahahahahahaha well maybe. things are shitty over there too. but you are closer to Yurop and the Home of the White Race. i dunno. i just dont trust people who leave their whole FAMILY an OCEAN away unless they are nonwhite immigrants coming from the third world to the first world.

also i guess he is very hands on in the technical projects. GREAT. i mean you are like 70 years old man. go traveling. visit your family. youve made MILLIONS of dollars. the man is a MULTIMILLIONAIRE and I have to talk to HIM for a 15 dollar an hour job hahahahaha.

well they didnt say. i know youre SUPPOSED to get them to say a number first. im honestly too desperate for that, plus I already had a range in mind: 14 to 16. let them know i looked at glassdoor. maybe they’ll reject me because i looked too desperate because i said a number first hahahahaha.

they responded yes that range is in the ballpark.

i asked them about Growth in the company. they said they were growing SO MUCH they plan to DOUBLE within 3 years. they are growing so fast they can barely keep up. INTERESTING.

sent thank you email hours ago. damn.

interview tomorrow for Bank job, in Records. Bank Records. 12.50 an hour. this company is also a Best Workplace To Work. I should just apply to places on those list. as determined by large local paper. anyway. I semi respect this bank as a good employer and would be happy to take their job too. their hr person impressed me by contacting me about this job, after i was rejected for the tech job at this bank. i mean that was just good guy greg stuff. i usually hate women, HR, and companies, but she really impressed me here. i mean she didnt have to call ME. she coulda called any of the other 1000000000000000 people that had applied for that job in the past day, when i had applied like 8 months ago.  it shows they actually LOOK at those old applications and dont just throw them in the memory hole. the whole company seems above board and ethical and not run by sneaky semites.

and then on wed i have the final interview of week. not gonna get a ton of sleep before that one. early in the morning. part time job. but it pays more per hour than the FT job tomorrow. but that FT has decent, ok, average benefits.

WHEN YOU’VE BEEN DOWN AS LONG AS ME, MEDIOCRE LOOKS PRETTY DAMN GOOD!!!

like honestly a 12 dollar an hour FT job with benefits is nothin special, which all 21 year old college grads should aim for, not a 35 year old man!

i mean how can you raise a family on that? how can you attract a wife with that?

you mean youre 35 and havent found a wife and started a family yet? hahahahaha.

BABY STEPS.

get this job, then go out with slutz from okcupid hahahaha and try to find a wife.

reddit thinks that you shouldnt date men who even use the WORD “SLUTS”. at age 26 you should be more mature!

hehehe what about if you are 35 hahahahahahhahahahha

no i call women SLUTS every day. it simply means you are too promiscuous, your number is too high, you dont have enough REVERENCE for the secs act and who you do it with.

its a nihilistic culture of death. you dont have enough respect for life. at BEST, you are DANGEROUSLY immature. thats what SLUT is shorthand for. someone i only want to use for short term pleasure. never more.

sheeeeit i mean i dunno. i pretty much HAVE to go to some stupid website if i want to meet new women. whether its a WIFE, or its a short term Meat Hole hahahahahaha. a Slut.  ok how about i LOOK for a good wife type woman, then if i meet her and she turns out to be a slut, then uhhhhh let her do what sluts do, and forget about marrying her hehehe.

i just yeah. i shouldnt hate how women can be immature and get a man, but men have to be mature to get a woman. because thats just natural. thats how god made us. uterus power. but plenty of immature men get women too. you dont need to be mature, you just need to be MANLY.

 

look at this nice young man. he wants to dump his GF, but he knows she’ll be devastated, so he wants to let her down as easily as possible. he doesnt hate her, and really doesnt want to add insult to injury. or add injury to injury hahahahahaha. so he asks for advice how how to dump as gently as possible. what a nice young man!

hey i CAME CLOSE to having a real rel with a woman. technically I HAVE had actual real rels with women. just nothing that involved mating. then it was a clusterfook. they only wanted negros and men who acted like negros to fook them hahahahhaa no thats a lie. woman2012 didnt want negros. That Woman didnt ALWAYS and ONLY want negros.

basically dump someone the way you would want to be dumped. be nice……but dont be so nice that you give them false hope that its not really over. be as nice as you can in stating that it’s for sure over.

yeah this is a hard thing to talk about.  i guess i can’t blame anybody for being bad at it! let alone a cowardly little woman! shit i prob wouldnt have the balls to do it!

or when other women dumped me, they tried to be nice about it, and that led to me not fully understanding, thinking i could get them to change their mind, talk them out of it. so yeah its hard to be nice but also be VERY FIRM.

so spend 50 bucks to have a shrink do it. totally worth it. they can get the message across in a firm way with NO ambiguity. i will do this every time i have to dump someone hahahaha. or if i think a woman wants to dump me, i will hire the shrink FOR her to dump me.

this is a GREAT fookin idea. why doesnt EVERYONE do this? shrinks are everywhere, even the middle of nowhere. i mean they are nothing but MSW social workers, and these are a dime a dozen.

heh. i wonder if wimmin who have MSW degrees are better at dumping their boifrans. or better communicators. or more mature. or better Conflict Revolvers. I wonder!

or do you have to be a LICENSED or CLINICAL social worker.

 

THE SEVEN WEEK ITCH

oct 19

welp got 2 interview invites in 1 day, bringing muh average “up” to 1/19 hahahaha. 1 interview for every 19 apps. better than target of 1 out of 20 hahahahaha.

1 for IT Quality Assurance at healthcare place, that might be good. i dont have QA experience but i wish i did and I am fundamentally committed to the idea of quality! hahahaha.

and then interview for part time city job which i would like to get.

ok, this time, DONT TELL THE SECOND PLACE THAT THEY ARE SECOND PLACE!!!!

meaning, DONT be “up front” or “transparent” that I am interview with place xyz and that if they offer me the job, i have to take it!

my previous thought was, this makes me not look desperate. like i am a man with options. this might work with women, but not sure about Jobs. Jobs might only want you if THEY are your FIRST choice. by saying you’d take another job, you’re telling them they are not your first choice. therefore they wont pick you.

so, 2 interviews next week. and now up to 25 interviews, 479 apps. i was shooting for 25 and 500, so, even better.

25 interviews was kinda my Magic Number tho. like THERES NO WAY I wont get a job after 25 interviews.

course thats what I said about 20!

WELL, some of these things werent really INTERVIEWS tho. I added .5 for Testing Sessions and Phone Interviews.

well a phone interview is kinda an interview right? its at LEAST TWICE as stressful as taking a test right? so i really should count phone interviews for 1 instead of .5.

 

hehehehe i did not really get HEADDESK FACEPALM issues like this, i kinda wish i did, because then they would be EASY and I could EASILY BLAME the Stupid Idiot Luser and be CONFIDENT that I was right and knew what i was doing. When in reality i would get WEIRD shit and think, DAMN, I know even LESS than the User! I have no idea what this thing they’re using even is! I have to fix a tool they’re using which I’ve never seen or heard of before!

go to tales from tech support and read all the Long and especially Extra Long stories. that is kind of what our stuff was like hahahaha. Extra Long.

I am closer to these shockingly idiot Users than I am to Tech Support! so why am i am WORKING for tech support! i empathize and sympathize wiht the Lusers too much!

DOGSBODY. this is def a british people word, for “administrative assistant” or “secretary” or “factotum” or person who does the shit jobs noone else wants to do. slave, lackey, minion, grunt, monkey, meat.

a Half Day Shadow is more than enough to fully train you for everything in your job! Thank You Sir for the PRivilege of a Half Day Shadow!

2 interview invites in 1 day, thats gotta count for something right. so to celebrate, think i will only apply to 1 job (baby step), then do 10 pushups (baby step), then do a 1 hour powerwalk (kind of a baby step hahahaha), listen to new fatherland episode (not a baby step but a full pleasure, very comfy, like cuddling a QT or smokin a big MMJ hahahaha)

it is VERY frustrating when you apply for a job, then see the cover letter you used, and see that it has a mistake in it: misspelling, wrong company, wrong position title, some sort of error. and then you think, theres GOT to be ones i’m NOT catching. and i’ve caught at least 2 or 3 in the past 100 or so.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

 

like these tales from reddits

 

how to train your call centre dogsbodies

 

she has only ever been with OP, and the 2nd guy she fooked was this “gay guy” she fooked when fooked up one night. cheating on the OP.  now gf is crawling back and saying pls forgive me, take me back, you can fook other gurls, pls just take me back. OP has a bad feeling and doesnt really want to. i would probably say I FORGIVE YOU BABEY bla bla bal and then she would cheat on me again and give me aids hahahaah. grids.

once a cheater, always a cheater!

NOT EVEN ONCE!

So if I made it 30+ years without cheating “EVEN ONCE”…..uh i kinda want to STAY that way! and i also want a woman for muh wife who has never cheated even once.

 

 

heh this is what i dont like about reddit. they think the father is a horrible bigot because he doesnt want his 20 year old white daughter taking the BBC. well, i guess they could be jooish, here’s a situation where joos would call themselves white.

and she is JUST FINDING OUT her father is “racist.” because he has black friends and hasnt given any indication that hes a HORRIBLE BIGOT until his 20 yo daughter brings home a black silverback!

and all the reddit scum agree, oh yes, he’s a horrible person.

 

gf dumped guy, broke his poor heart, now is upgrading to a better man, and dumped boifran continues to torture and blame himself. yeah this sucks. its better when they downgrade to a shittier man…..but many times they dont hahahaha.  YOU are the shittier man because youre a big loser in life.

it just sucks when they Move On so QUICKLY and yeah i would like to see reddit shame the xgf for that. like you cant take more than a few weeks to be single and Process the Dead Rel? you IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone WAY better? at least accept that that is gonna do a NUMBER on this sad sack guy!

well at least he’s young and near to finishing an engin degree so the odds are in his favor of getting a good job with that.

i might just RESPOND on this thread because hes not getting enough sympathy!!!!!

yeah i responded with a rambling, incoherent, autistic thing. see if you can find it hahahahahahaha.

guy gets feelings for his close female friend. she doesnt feel the same way. he doesnt know what to do. they work together. but she doesnt HATE him for it and they still talk and she prob wants to be friends. well he is way more successful than me and younger than me hahahahaha. so i say just make money and bang bitches and put her on the SUPER back burner.

 

when she LITERALLY TELLS YOU she wants to “put you on the shelf” and fook other guys, DUMP HER!!!!!!! not ok!!!!!!

/r/relships is good in that there is a lot of input, some of it good.

/r/anxiety and /r/depression are both GODAWFUL because there are 10% of the posts here, and they are not very high quality. /r/relships always tells you go to therapy, and its just funny. they REALLY need therapy on anx and dep.  i mean, there is terrible/no advice on these. nothing actually useful. just yep i want to K muh self too, its hopeless, the end.

at least on relships they TRY. and the women give shitty annoying advice but half of the women TRY, and 75% of the men TRY.

THIRSTY. MEN ARE NATURALLY THIRSTY.

80% of men DONT REPRODUCE. 80% of men cant get a woman. 80% of men have been celibate for 2 years or longer. of COURSE most 80% of men are “THIRSTY” hahahahahahaha.

but you see what im saying. most men dont have any OPTIONS they can CHOOSE from. BEGGARS cant be CHOOSERS. BEGGARS are THIRSTY. its not BAD for them to be thirsty. dont THIRST SHAME them!

dont THIRST SHAME a man whose been crawling in the desert for 10 years!

in fact, to continue with this thirst metaphor, thirst is not inherently bad! it means you’re suffering because you’re not getting something you NEED!

so the proper response is, dont SHAME them, say oh noes, THIS MAN IS DYING OF THIRST! HE NEEDS SOME WATER STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

now its not anyones JOB to do that for him….but his own skills may well be weakened. compromised.

so i should just go to a hooker is what you’re saying?

well i would much rather go to a FWB.

oct 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. interesting scenario, go to my usual social event and a new gurl is there, about 25 years old, white, very qt, friend of acquaintance of mine, so i figure thats fine, hes got DIBS on her if he wants, but i’m not entirely sure what his motives are, but if i think she is QT he prob does too!

she seems not super obnoxious or bitchy in personality, but also lets slip some potential huge baggage, like fam members dying of drugs, possibly crazy x bf’s, lots of male friends, possibly dated a black guy, or a guy with a REALLY black sounding name lets just say. who knows how many abortions, how manny cox.

and yet i found myself attracted to her, like wow what a qt, i dont care if she’s crazy, i dont care if she had a black boifran, i dont care if she’s been with about 10 guys by age 25, i just care that shes qt and doesnt have any children. and if she were showing me interest right now, i would like that a lot and i would get over That Woman a lot faster.

and then i felt ashamed and inferior because my social skills are pretty bad, i cannot keep up with banter with the normies, i dont hang out and go to the bar or bowling with the normies, and i have terrible Game and cannot Talk To Women, and thought “i have nothing to talk about with this woman. she has quickly written me off as the most boring guy ever. by age 25 women dont want to waste time with BORING, quiet, awkward guys.”

my excuse was, i just assumed the other guy had “DIBS” on her and I was happy to respect that. but if he DIDNT, and was just looking for a Degen FWB, which is actually very possible, and it’s Open Season, then yeah my game was horrible omega vrigin neet style.

so that made me not feel so confident. like a failure with women.

and also just felt like a failure socially in general cuz my normie acquaintances go out to bar and bowling together, even if they have to Work the next morning, and I am just realy awkward abotu hanging out. I cant contribute to the hilarious banter very smoothly and i do not show tonnes of interest in hanging out, HOWEVER these are decent people and it would be GOOD for me to hang out more, socialize, with decent people.

i mean i do try to be nice and try to act normie, but i just can’t keep up with the stream of constant banter. its not even ball busting banter, but just making jokes like a well adjusted normie. nothing mean spirited or douche baggy, like i say, these are decent positive people.

so yeah a bit of double whammy socially last night hahaha: i am terrible with women, i am terrible with people.

i thought of how high this gurls number would have to be to be a dealbreaker. probably 10, i thought. she can come in under 10 at age 25 right? thats not asking too much?

but what about the fooked up family? was she molested? ever raeped? was there really black guys she fooked? how many black guys? how many white guys hahahaha. is she a cheater? abortions? how many fwb’s? hows your father?

and you cant really ask ANY of these questions as small talk hahahahahahahaha but she did let some pretty big hints slip, and she wasnt even talking to me!

OCCAMS RAZOR sez, I just wanted to bang her because she was a young qt, fit my A E S T H E T I C pretty well as a pale skinned, long haired semi “alternative” gurl, who does MJ and is not a huge social butterfly. Chill Cool Gurl. and then i thought DAMN I would like to DO her, but I would ALSO like cuddling with her, and making out with her, and trying the nice sweet GFE with her.

WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IF SHE WAS GFE AT ALL!

Basically if the woman is even close to my “type” physically, I will want to try the GFE with her. meaning, potential for FEELINGS.

so it was nice knowing that i could very likely get Real, True feelings for a woman again, AND also lower my unrealistically high standards: been with less than 10 guys AND no black guys AND no abortions AND no cheating AND no fooked up family AND no kids AND 25-27 yo AND 6.8/10 hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit she MIGHT have children, she just didnt say anything about that. i guess having children is the REAL dealbreaker. she could be a huge mudshark slut for all I care.

well of COURSHE these things would have SERIOUS implications in a serious LTR, but uhhhh ive never gotten that far before. i guess i would gladly take the GFE for 3 months until i get dumped by a mudshark slut for being too clingy hahahahaha.

ok a 25m complaining about his 19 yo gf that she is immature and bad communicator. so why doesnt she just dump him hahaha.

WELL, my question is, HOW MUCH maturity should you EXPECT out of a 25 year old WOMAN?

i hate this, well, you can only be SO MATURE at such and such an age. people dont MATURE till age 40.

heres the thing hehehe: 25 is in a real gray area here. we can all agree that 20 is immature, 30 is mature. so what does that make 25 then? it could go both ways obviously.

ALSO, its not like this GF is running away from her older BF. she is posting on reddit in a way to Try To Help.

anyway. the good the bad and the ugly.

the GOOD thing about “meeting” this new woman yesterday (i had actually met her once before like 9 months ago?) is that it taught me that I AM capable of getting feelings for a woman in the future. that is not THAT woman hahaha.

the bad and the ugly, well we just went over all that above. really it might be ALL TOO EASY for me to get feelings for a BAD woman! like this new woman has red and yellow flags pointing to dumpster fire, but here I am wanting to do GFE with her! Rough Secs sure, but also tender secs and tender cuddling and dating!

basically you want to be nice to the young qt woman and have her be nice back to you, EVEN IF she is the biggest dumpster fire in the history of the world! you will put on the rose colored glasses and just IGNORE everything in favor of you FANTASY! you will WILLINGLY DELUDE YOURSELF!!!!!

and that is EXACTLY what I did for That Woman!!!!!!!! I willingly bought into a FANTASY so much that I thought the fantasy was reality!!!!!!!

this can happen when you are lonely and desperate and thirsty and you have a female friend who is 25, qt, no children, and somewhat nice. BOOM. ALL OVER.

well this got muh confidence back up, i just got TWO MORE INTERVIEWS today.

TWO INTERVIEWS PER DAY FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

THAT is TRULY UNPRECEDENTLY.

FOUR INTERVIEWS IN TWO DAYS.

This is the biggest thing since actually DOING two interviews in one day. (although that sucked. here im talking about the INVITATION to interview. which does NOT suck hahahaha.)

which brings MUH NUMBER up to 27!!!!! HORRY SHEET!!!!!

so yeah good pipeline.

the two i got today are: one from “bank”, HR woman called me and said well you didnt get the tech job (i knew this) but they were offering ANOTHER interview for me that i had applied to in april, didnt get anything for, they reposted it, and then HR called me and said i didnt even need to apply again, they would just give me an interview. so yeah i was really impressed by this HR woman. well she DOES have a masters degree. i mean i generally get a very solid respectable culture vibe from this company, i like it. it is refreshing.

next interview was at my old old employer, now this is a PT job, not super enthused about this one, but this place i associate with good easy PT jobs, albeit low paying and no more than 25 hours a week tops, but its close, and easy.

but i would take the higher paying PT job from this other place i am interviewing next wed.

applied for 1 job today when i was interrupted in that by the two phone calls. hehehehe.

so when i get secsual feelings for a woman, its VERY EASILY extrapolated to “romantic” feelings. for me there is not a huge disconnect between secs and romance. which i think is the old school, natural, traditional, nondegen way to be! what GOD has made one, man should not separate!

ok. wewlad all these interviews and phone calls.

i think its ok to say i have interviews to the other employers. just dont say, well this other place is my first choice. but its PERFECTLY FINE and a good move to say, oh i cant meet you on that day, I HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW.

course now that i have SAILED past 25, maybe that is GAAAAAAWWWWWWD telling me that I actually need to get to 30 interviews, not 25.

but 25 is a much better number than 30!

really 33 or 34 is a better number than darn 30.

just know that chill, introverted, quiet, nonobnoxious women STILL have 60000000000000000000000 guy friends because men have to do all the Heavy Lifting of being Charismatic, Interesting, Initiative, Drivers Seat, etc. a woman doesnt have to do anything to have 60000000000000000000000000 except RESPOND to texts.

she can be kinda plain, a 6.6/10, as long as she is 25 and no kids, she will have NO SHORTAGE of Male Friends, and from them, and ENDLESS SUPPLY of potential suitors, fook buddies, whatever she wants.

im not saying this is wrong or bad, i just get BUTTHURT when i see women taking that for GRANTED. that i DO get butthurt about.

also its ANNOYING when women complain about their BF’s getting JELOUS and CONTROLLING because they are upset the gf has 600000000000000 male friends. but then the women complain when the bf has female friends, or, even more interesting, a female “BEST FRIEND.”

YOU SHOULDNT HAVE A “BEST FRIEND” OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. THAT IS EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOUR BF.

or gf or whatever.

ideally, you would be single and available, and make your opposite sex Best Friend your actual Boifran. because best friend implies  closeness, intimacy, emotional connection that really MUDDIES THE WATERS when it is across Gender Lines. one person ALWAYS WANTS MORE hehehehe.

http://www.livescience.com/5031-hypermiling-driving-tricks-stretch-miles-gallon.html

heh. this is me. i would rather drive at 30 mph everywhere than stop at lights hahahahaha.

HYPERMILING hehehehe

i am not as obsessive about fuel efficiency, i just hate stopping at lights hahaha.

bbbbbut i still feel bad about being so PUSHY to her that she BLOCKED me.

bbbbbut i thought she didnt have to BLOCK me, she could have TALKED to me THEN blocked me.

bbbbbbut maybe im underestimating what a HORRIBLE CREEP NARCISSIST WOMAN HATER SCARY BABY I’m being!

ken bone said “i saw jennifer lawrences butt hole, and I liked it” on reddit hahahahaha.

i bet he did! i bet I would too! and any red blooded man!

i think i briefly looked at some of those pictures but not very long and dont remember a BHole pic, which is especially titillating.

then you think of your version of That Woman and how men have photos of HER BHole on THEIR phone. and women think all these guys just DELETE these pictures once they are done fooking. COME ON.

and i never even made out with her, or cuddled with her, or spent enough time with her, or got her to make an effort for me. show ME her BHole and gush jooice all over muh D. which she does for every tyrone and rodney and dontravius.

and i hate how i was so stupid and omega and weak and pushy that i Pushed her to this. i became what women hate the most: a spineless, supplicating orbiter, not even worthy of a courtesy text before Blocking.

well at least i didnt stalk her and Hound her afterwards. yeah i sent her emails. EMAILS. big deal. yeah they were long but she prob didnt even read them. might have just BLOCKED them.

what if your GF accuses you of being abusive, gaslighting, controlling, manipulating, a horrible person, but you dont think you are those things, but you do know you are a little jealous, clingy, needy, which maybe leads to some semi-controlling things, but not what you would call abusive or manipulative or gaslighting?

never teach women these words because they will use them against you hahahahaha. stop GASLIGHTING me! she’ll say, when you are calling her out for something genuinely ridiculous.

tyrone and leroy and rodney dont GASLIGHT me! they fook me HARD and take pictures of muh BHole and I like it!

also these women will be thrown for a LOOP when they see how WILLING I am to go to counseling with them. oh you think im controlling? well ok lets go to a shrink right now to fix this, unless youd rather walk away!

and then they would probably walk away, and spend a year trying to beg dontravius to go to a counselor hahahaha.

also women can CONVERT a male friend to a Lover at least 100 times more easily than a man can convert a female friend to a lover. AND THATS A DAMN FACT!!!!!

and i am NOT just talking about the other FACT that women have many MORE male friends than men have female friends. but controlling for this factor. because im very CONTROLLING hahahahaha.

 

ex gf returns 5 years later to apologize, make better closure, now ex bf is obsessing about her again, then she says lets go NC, and he is all confused and in luv with her again.

this is exactly why you go NC in the first place. while trying to have mature communication and get as much “CLOSURE” as you can at the time. you have like a 1 month window to get closure, then its over. NC 4 LYFE. Till Death.

heh. took some nyquil for the first time in a while. a whole dose. which will prob lead to “hangover” tomorrow.

well thing to remember is nyquil makes you dehydrated so you should drink A LOT of water right after taking it.

yeah i would still rather smoke MJ, but, really wouldnt want to do that with FOUR interviews coming up hehehehehe.

heheheh now thinking about getting a PO box for a few months just so i can have MMJ correspondence sent there. then i can always cancel it after like 2 or 3 months.

can get a small po box for 3 months for 20-25 bucks. this would be worf it to me hahahaha.

 

he is right to be suspicious! also he is too trusting of HER hehehehe.  so of course now HE is the one with “TRUST ISSUES.” what a bunch of manhaters hahaha.

 

interesting read hehehehe cuz yeah you can get an idea how they run their business by their priorities and the decisions they make in fixing problems. bandaids, fires, short term vs long term focus, etc.

heres a good one. i am still not sure whats going on. yet its my job to tell albert that this is the only workaround. also i dont have a manager who is approving me to escalate it to engineering. and albert would instead argue with me, well why CANT a patch fix it? why does it HAVE to be a full upgrade? and i would say I dont know, I can’t explain it to you, and I can’t transfer you to the guy who is telling me it CANT BE DONE.

but honestly, isnt that case a little CONFUSING? and you need to solve it in 20 minutes? every 20 minutes, a new weird case like this, all day, every day?

even the comments just make stupid jokes about vladimir without trying to clairfy the salty snacks patch business.

anyway. i just want to know if i did something really horrible to a person, or not. because i dont want to do horrible things to people! damn!

i really dont think i did! but i also dont trust my judgment, esp on relships!

but still. i dont think i did something horrible evil.

but it WAS a CLUSTERFOOK of a situation that would take AT LEAST a year to even START to make ANY progress. just being close to something THAT clusterfooky is bad.

i mean i dont WANT to be a horrible person! I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!! PRINCIPLED!!!!!!!!

though WOMEN think I am a horrible person, IM REALLY NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON? OR AM I?

WELL I REALLY DONT WANT TO BE!!!!!!!

im not as bothered by this as all this shouting makes it seem. although i certainly WAS!

right now i am just zoned out on nyquil. kinda bored tbh but too lazy to do anything. if i had MJ i would totes do it. lots of it. just waiting to go to bed tbh.

so right now i am more worried about the job situation than i am about that woman, and also some worrying about All Women In General, and generalizing TOO MUCH from That Woman To All Women, and i should NOT do that.

Not All Women Are Like That Woman!!!!!!!!!!1

and that woman wasnt even that BAD. but it was just that one thing that i didnt like. well not all women will do that one thing. namely dump you without a word, just a straight blocking.

oct 21

ok next day after full dose of nyquil. not a bad “hangover” at all. better than expected. and lemme make clear, the worst nyquil hangover is way better than the best alcohol hangover!

it is just IMPOSSIBLE to be Confident Around Women (and to a lesser extent, men) when you are a Jobless Bum!!!!!!!!

well maria bartiromo is like 50 years old and i would GLADLY bang the shit out of her and her huge probably fake tits. and i dont normally even pay attention to tits hahahahaha. i am much more of a legs/ass/hips man.

i mean her i wouldnt get any delusions or fantasies about the GFE because she is an Old Hag. i guess this si the ideal type of women to have for FWB. but tbh less than 1% of 50 year old women look nearly as good as her.

i dunno. i just hate having to explain to angry customers why we cant do this, when i dont understand why we cant do this. and i dont know if they are just being a bad customer, or my company is being a bad company. or really both are shitty, but whos worse. SHOULD the company be screwing THIS customer in THIS case.

finally passed the 2 thousand dollars of Work amount, which really is not a lot. in terms of Hours Of Work on muh job search, times 12 dollars an hour. i have only done 168 hours of actual work on the job search. which is DISGRACEFUL hahahahaha.

good lord. i dont ever want to become this blind hhahaha. its like she doesnt even realize CHEATING is horribly bad!

and this is the guys WIFE of SEVEN years. DAMN. maybe that is the “7 year itch.” shit i dunno. i never made it to seven MONTHS. technically, not even seven WEEKS.

bitches get the seven WEEK itch with me, hahahahahahahahaha.

the seven DAY itch, 7 HOUR itch more like it, amirite. can only keep a womans interest for 7 hours. great job. hahahaha.

i’m not THAT uninteresting! if women cared about IMPORTANT things, theyd see i was VERY interesting!

but then again, a woman who is too interested in politics is inherently crazy!

well, what about a woman who is super interested in MORALITY??!?!?!?!

yeah i would be ok with that. that would be great. because then she would be very interested in not being a dirty whore or cheater. yes.

and if she’s crazy…..well ALL women are CRAZY, just give me the ones that are MORAL. as long as their craziness doesnt compromise their MORALITY and make them behave immorally, like cheating, abandoning, or being a slut. then give me crazy moral all day erryday 4 lyfe.

shit who cares. as long as they are moral to me. shit go ahead and cheat on me, just dont dump me hahahahaha. work out a DEAL with me to dump me in a way that i can handle. like negotiating a payment plan.  to wean me off of you. and give me a pound of MJ too.

was reading city-data forums today. people in my region talking about getting a college degree and making 50k in their mid twenties. now im 30 and make 60k without a masters degree. i just had to have a good work ethic and work 70 to 80 hours a week for the first few years to pay my dues.

heh thing is, i dont want to work 80 hours a week to pay my dues.  would just as soon go crazy and quit!!!!!!!

why cant you jusy pay your dues at 40-50 hours a week?

how do people handle this?

i KNOW that having a qt waifu would help take the edge off, as would a steady source of MJ.

you can have another boifran, even a black one, just let me have my fantasy, dont talk about him, and hang out with me 1 or 2 times a week. and dont give me any diseases. and when you cut me off lets work out a cutting off PLAN.

i was doing a 3.2 mile powerwalk and about 1.5 miles from muh home I found, on the ground, a little canister for MMJ. horree sheet. it was broken and there was nothing in it OF COURSHE, but i just thought it was funny, considering muh obsession with getting a MMJ card and ultimately, a neverending supply of MMJ, and I would not throw my canisters on the side of the road like a negro.

maybe I should have Scraped the Canister for some Kief Krystals hahahahahahahahaha.

heh i dont necessarily think women would CHEAT on me with their male friends, but i WOULD totally worry that they, social butterflies that they are, always meeting interesting hot new guys, that they would find a guy that is better in the Mate Market than me, and then dump me for him.

i mean thats BETTER than CHEATING, but I really do HATE being DUMPED. replaced. traded in for an UPGRADE. really i cant imagine cheating being much worse. i mean the shit is probably gonna end anyway. might as well get as much time wiht the woman as you can.

yeah but she could give you a disease. and really cheating IS worse than dumping. why would you want to spend another minute with someone so immoral.

well maybe if someone cheats on you, its easier for you to HATE them, therefore easier to GET OVER them, because it’s much easier to BLAME them for doing smething OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE. where dumping is not really horrible at all. you cant really HATE someone for dumping you. theyre not really WRONGING you. in the way that cheating is.

 

what a fooking dumb idiot slut. guy point blank tells her he doesnt like just secs without dating, she wants “just secs” from her “CRUSH” no less. I thought CRUSH meant you LIKED the person and wanted to DATE them. which is clearly what HE wants to do. i would like to think a 22 year old could be more mature than this. than a big slutty BABY.

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/

OH GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sluts who fook chads and hate niceguys make fun of and mainly talk about how evil and rapey and creepy niceguys are, and how its so much better when chad nuts in their eye hahahahaha.

what i never got is, why do YOU LIKE treating people as a DOORMAT?

if someone were throwing themselves under my feet and wanting me to be a doormat, i mean it wouldnt even work, because IM NOT WILLING TO WALK ON ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN ORDER TO BE A DOORMAT, THE WOMAN HAS TO BE WILLING TO WALK ON YOU!!!!!!!

i would say listen, stop being a doormat, Im not gonna walk on you.

no im not the worst niceguy ever, but i have some niceguy tendencies, and i can sympathize with some niceguys.

I mean honestly i would never say these things, i stopped saying woe is me, nice guys finish last, yeaaarrrrrssssss ago, so i am thankful for that. but i am still a meek timid nice guy. i know GOD DAMN ALL TOO FOOKING WELL that it doesnt entitle me to anything and that it is THE SHITTIEST, WORST strategy ever, and that women HATE nice guys.

i mean i wish they didnt hahahahahahahaha. stupid bitches and whores hahahaha.

apparently referring to women as “females” is telltale nice guy, means you treat them as a separate, unknowable species. dead giveaway.

i mean i very rarely use this term, i just say women to mean the same thing, a seaparate, stupid, slutty, species hahahaha.

anyway yeah what made things difficult with That Woman is that i DID know her, it WASNT a fantasy, i got to know her, knew the real her for 2.7 years. its not like i just MET her and immediately projected my fantasy waifu all over her. (which i have done with other women.) when i first met That Woman I wasnt projecting ANYTHING on her. i didnt even really THINK about her that much.  i just said well she seems like a nice gurl with a hard life, she deserves a good man, but i just cant be that man. oh shes got a boifran? well hope hes a good guy and they get married. oh theyre having trouble? well i hope they figure it out. then i meet him. oh he is a good guy, just a little autistic and stubborn. they can still work this out if he wants to. he doesnt want to. he’s done. he’s gone now. now ive known her for almost 2 years. jeez maybe i DO want to be a Good Guy 4 U. and if shes just gonna give it away to negros, why not me? yeah thats a little ENTITLED sure, but i didnt really feel entitled to her Dating me, as much as i felt ENTITLED to her ending the Rel in a more Sensitive way hahahaha. i never called her a fooking bitch to her face like these nice guys do.

yeah i mean the nice guys are cringeworthy, but these WOMEN dont need to HATE them so much. I REALLY doubt any of these nice guys would be Monstrous Abusers. shit, they cant even get a woman TO abuse hahahahaha.

if anything, CHAD would be somewhat more likely to be an abuser, IMHO!!!!!

I mean at least half of Chads are Good Guys anyway. to coin a term in contrast to “nice guys.” so then what do we call ACTUALLY nice guys? i say we call them “good guys”. i mean shit i still call them “nice guys” but then bitches like this subreddit think im talking about the bad kind of nice guys.

but yeah if a guy starts throwing him at your feet and saying WALK ON ME! IM A DOORMAT!!! that doesnt mean you HAVE to do it! i would say, stand the hell up, i dont walk on anybody.

 

 

 

MJ IS NOT JUST A GOOD RELSHIP SIMULATOR, BUT A GOOD RELSHIP SUBSTITUTE

sept 29

went to my social event yesterday, saw some mudsharks, and they werent even bad or old or terrible looking. i mean they were bangable! two Cool Cat Black Guys at a table with THREE mudshark white women. UNBELIEVABLE. I mean i blame the women more than the blacks. the women are PICKING these blacks. they certainly dont HAVE to. I tried to memorize the women so I would know to STAY AWAY if I ever saw them on a Dating Website. shit yeah its rustling. and then I think, That Woman is a Mudshark like These whores. Damn. Is she Still a mudshark? did she learn her lesson and say I’ll never go back?

and it doesnt matter! it doesnt matter if she learned her lesson like a good girl, or continued being a negr0 fooking whore like these bad mudsharks!

and even being a mudshark doesnt make you a horrible person, it just means i wouldnt want to date you hahahahaha.

i mean women are so GULLIBLE, they can be persuaded and coerced into doing horrible things!!!!!!

and i am butthurt because they are SO gullible, yet I can’t convince them to committ to ME!!!!!! but these sleazy blacks can easily convince them!

did my 15 pushups today, got 3 apps done, did not go for powerwalk tho. will do one more app.

ok did one more. took forever. my average is steadily rising thru the 13 minute range and will soon get hit 14 hahaha. not that thats HORRIBLE or anything. but remember 1 minute on the average, times 500 applications, is 8 extra hours hehehehe.

had dream last night with a bunch of people i knew years ago and we were having a party in a college dorm hahahaha. which is a really weird envronment and i still have dreams in that environ fairly consistently. i was in one area and was talking to this gurl I remembered from GRADE SCHOOL who was qt and nice and I sorta regret not pursuing her even though I was only 13 years old at the oldest!!!!! and i had even LESS skillz than i do now hahaha. but she appears once in a great while in dreams. she was qt and nice and not a huge whore, and believe me, some gurls started being whores at age 13. if i knew what i was doing, i am very confident she would have been a good GF hehehe.

in the dream i was like just hang on and I will be back in like 20 minutes, i gotta visit my friends on the other floor, then i went there, and it was a sausage fest of pathetic beta men only, all getting raging drunk to escape their foreveraloneness and pretty much having fun doing it. I got swept up with them and they were all being nice and friendly to me and treating me like a guest of honor and it was real hard to get back to That Gurl, and I never did, and then I felt huge regret at having Blown My Chance.

the end hahahaha. because you only GET one chance with women hehehehehe.

stuff like marilyn manson i think represents the nihilism and degeneracy of My Generation, which is slightly too old to be full millennials, and note that millennials would rightfully think MM is stupid and silly. but when you are a young teen when “antichrist superstar” comes out and you want to rebel against stupid christian school, yeah it was perfect timing. unfort i could not see at the time that manson had no substance, no solution, it was just stupid phaggy bullshit. 3edgy5me stuff, and there were much better ways to be edgy than to rebel against White Christian Middle America.  But he is a great example of my age group and where we come from and kinda the canary in a coal mine that something is rotten but we really dont know what it is yet, so lets rant and rave and dress scary and get fooked up on drugs and say fook god and his slave religion!!!!!!!

so thats where i come from. a sense that things are gonna be fooked up, and were gonna rebel against it by being fooked up in the extreme opposite direction, but still a sense of total despair that this really DOES anything or fixes anything. theres no goal. the goal is oblivion and escape and good feels and muh dick and muh euphoria. cowardly and negroish.

the younger kids and millennials are a LOT more goal oriented and less nihilistic. but still degenerate from all the casual sex and cheating they do hahaha.

and what is MM now. a fat old irrelevant has been 50 year old hahahaha.

sez me who ust spent the last 45 minutes reading MM related wikis and learning that his last few albums were received rather well hahahaha.  well i wanted to see if he had mellowed out or matured any since the mid 90s. i guess he has actually.

ok sex is way easier to get than a real relship. EVEN for men.

so if you say youre a virgin people think youre weird, because sex is a low bar, easy to get, low price, even for men. certainly youve had cheap sex with some sluts right?

unless you have a valid reason, like im saving myself for marriage.

and i DID have a valid reason!!! I ALWAYS wanted to save myself for a marriage-like long-term serious monog relship with an official GF, and I didnt want to have quick secs with random sluts!

but i learned that I at least wasnt good at pulling even easy sluts. I know the theory of be masculine, confident, cocky, bold, brash, charming, charismatic, devil may care, but I just couldnt put that theory into practice, when even a damn negro could do that and pull muh white wimmin.

like right now i would take meaningless cheap slutsex…..but i’m finding that even THAT is very hard for me to get!!!!!

but yeah tbh i NEVER wanted to bang sluts, even while i was horny af, and jerking off to degen pron every day, and saying ooooh i wish i could bang these qt college gurls i see every day but im too sissy. EVEN THEN, at the depths of my degeneracy, what I really WANTED was to have a real GF and bang HER, rather than bang random sluts.

“well thats a false dichotomy, people go through stages, those random sluts end up being someones GF at some point, etc”

WRONG hahahaha well I wouldnt want them to be MY gf because once a slut always a slut. once a cheater always a cheater. once a murderer always a murderer. once a mudshark always a mudshark.

QUOTE

[–]Dolomite808 -19 points 8 hours ago
Honestly, she doesn’t owe him shit. Sure it would be nice, but she doesn’t owe it to him.
That said, I don’t think OP should wait around for her. Just as she needs to do what is right for her, he needs to do what is right for him.
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[–]methuser69 21 points 7 hours ago
Right, in the same way that if my wife is sick and wants me to make her breakfast, I don’t owe her shit and I don’t have to do it. She wants me to watch the kids once a month so she can go to her book club? Too bad, don’t owe her shit. This is not how disagreements in relationships work, who cares what is “owed”, in a healthy relationship your partners’ problems are your problems and this is a serious one. What the hell is the value of this comment?
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END

FROM

this is exactly the point i always try to make about “owing” and “entitlement.” No, you’re not ENTITLED to anything, but it would be NICE if the person you thought cared about you treated you with respect and dignity and communicated with you, and gave you some kind of sign of good faith or good will.

because this weird crazy gurl wants to be celibate for a year but can’t explain why. and YES the explanation DOES matter, despite what some dumb woman says in the thread about the explanation not really mattering. yes it DOES matter. it would at least give some perspective and show that your gf can THINK and COMMUNICATE about big decisions.

how do these people get masters degrees, and make 50k a year where making decisions and communicating is a big part of doing your job, but they cant explain to their bf why they want to deny him secs for a year?

well this gurl is a little younger, but in 5 years she will be a masters degree career professional.

heh reading r/relships does not make me dislike women any less. because what they say and what they do is so vastly different. usually this is a good reason not to like somebody………but its just the way women ARE. so its HARD to like women. because you dont like PEOPLE whos actions dont match up with their words, but you have to accept thats a MALE thing. just like being rational, logical, being racially aware, being political, caring about honor, being consistent, being loyal, being loving and good and moral and mature hahahahaha. women just arent CAPABLE of these things. dont hold them to such unrealistic standards. but DAMN is is ANNOYING to hear them TALK and give their OPINIONS. if you actually listened to them, took them seriously, and did what they said, they’d lose all respect for you and dump you hahahahahaha. like doing the shit they bitch guys out for on this sub. “Like, literally listen to her and respect her feelings.” shit. if a guy actually did that, they would lose all respect for him and dump him.

sept 30

but yeah, /relships would be a lot better without the stupid women giving their stupid women opinion on stupid drama. even the antigun leftist shitlib men are more logical and less annoying than these confident women who think they are smart and funny. a confident woman is the most annoying obnoxious rude bitch ever hahahahaha.

i prefer unconfident women so i can control and manipulate and dominate and abuse them hahahahahahahahaha

NO, i really dont want to ABUSE women. i just want a woman that respects me and wants to be with me and makes any EFFORT with me rather than just saying welp im done with him!

but i also see tons of dumb women putting up with a LOT worse than me!!! and not immediately walking out on that guy! sometimes its an issue of the guy being weak and clingy too! and they dont immediately leave!!!!

she doesnt OWE it to you to work on shit. she doesnt OWE it to you to stop banging other guys, you controlling clingy creeper. she doesnt OWE it to you to try to be nice to you. she doesnt OWE it to you to not throw you away like a piece of garbage and break your heart haahahhahaha and you are the bad guy if you get upset by it.

no jk youre not the bad guy if you get upset by it, but youre the bad guy if you say pleeeeeeeeaaaase just talkkkkkkk toooo meeeeeeeee please respond!!!!!! hehehehe.

tbh i am doing a lot better regarding HER than i was, much better than i was, but i am in a pretty bad state regarding my own confidence and being able to be a normal adult. NO confidence in my ability to do a job or get a woman. feel totally unworthy and unable. but at least i am getting over HER hahahaha. but im not fully over here. probably take another 6 months, where i will be in a woman hating phase too hahahaha.

no i think i said feb 1 2017 was my deadline.

logic is not manipulation you dumb B’s!!!!!

when you dump a guy one day and then beng a guy the next day, yes that IS wrong in ALL situations ya dumb B’s! because youre broken up, so it doesnt matter. bullshit.  take at LEAST a month before fooking or even dating other guys.

anyway. what i wanted to say today is that i look back and i am EMBARRASSED at the way i acted. like shit. it was SO OBVIOUS, but i couldnt see it at the time. just let her go, shes not into me, just back away. why couldnt i do that??!?!?!?! why was I such a pathetic omeega clingy creeper? because i was in luv with her and these feelings really compromised me in every way possible. but in hindsight it is really embarrassing.

but it didnt HAVE ulterior motives! it was important for me to have her understand that.

of course i can see how it would look ike ulterior motives.

basically i dont want to be the little maniplating nice guy bitch like the stupid xkcd comic “friends.”

but i didnt have ulterior motives. my feelings changes midway through, then i started acting different, and she noticed that, but i was too scared to come out and say it.

so yeah i guess i learned a lesson: blurt it out after like 1 month rather than waiting 10 months.

but yeah i just want to DEFEND myself too: i wasnt denying or pretending anything. i was acting like i liked her. i just was too scared to state that directly “i like you.” but i was TOTALLY acting like a schoolgirl with a Big Crush and I AM confident that she noticed that.

it wasnt like she asked me, do you have feelings for me, and i said no! if she HAD asked me I would have said YASSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

eli the computer guy says he is NOT jooish. should we believe him? hahahaha.

he is a pretty good guy and i dont WANT him to be jooish, IMHO. i would PREFER that he was white. but its hard to tell with him. the beard, the name. but i wish i had a guy like this when i was struggling at a tech job. lots of people apparently feel the same way. cuz he is good. explains stuff well, in a world where explanations are hard to come by.

anyway to work in Tech you need to be an Abrasive Thick Skinned Asshole who thinks theyre smarter than everybody else and is a Dick All The Time, and is Super OVerly Confident. Obviously I am none of these things!!!!!

Tech is for Nerds, but not meek wimpy nerds, but Tough Dickhead Asshole Nerds!

also I never really loved TECH. I just managed to get a tech job because they hired ANYONE, and also i am probably in the 61% percentile of tech savvy. which was more than enough to get that job. but i was not a thick skinned asshole. thats for sure! if i were then i would have survived. also i prob would have gotten a gf by age 25 at the latest hahaha.

did muh pushups today. got muh 1 app in. did not eat a too large brunch hehehe. got some stuff done by 1:35 pm.

why does GOD want me to be a loser? why does GOD want me to never meet a nice woman, or to work a survivable job? is GOD trying to TOUGHEN ME UP so that I become strong enough to do these things? WELL ITS NOT WORKING! I AM ALMOST 35 YEARS OLD AND CANNOT GET A WOMAN OR SURVIVE A JOB!

Its kinda like assholes that think they know what they’re doing and they dont, and they confuse the difference between desensitization and flooding, when trying to “fix” their friend or BF or GF of a bad habit or phobia.

if someone is scared of snakes, you dont dump them in a pit of snakes. that is flooding and that will give them a panic attack and maybe a damn heart attack and kill them.

it doesnt take a GENIUS to understand this distinction!!!!!!!! its pretty OBVIOUS!!!!!!!

what you want to do is GRADUAL, incremental, baby steps desensitization. have them be in a room with a small snake. then have them touch a small snake. etc etc.

well going months and years without smoking MJ has taught me that I certainly dont NEED MJ……but by god do I WANT it. right now I WANT it. sheeit last time i smoked MJ a few weeks ago, i didnt even really LIKE it because i felt socially incompetent and anxious. but i still wanted to have my own MJ and smoke it by myself. and that is what i want right now, or really any time i want it. I dont want to take it with other people ever, just alone. unless it is one on one and I get along REALLY well with the person. but not in a group of like 4 or more people.

after a ruff day of work it was PERFECT. I would smoke some, then listen to some chill music, and then start studying work shit, to better prepare and understand. then smoke some more and go to bed and ideally get some good rest (whcih the mj def helped with!!!!) for another big long stressful day tomorrow.

oh yeah millennial woes tshirt on the way.

but yeah MJ can give me those Warm Fuzzies kinda similar to what a woman does……with the added benefit of its MUCH more available than a woman. its a woman for when i cant get a woman, which is always. a great GF SUBSTITUTE. Not just a good relship simulator, but a decent relship SUBSTITUTE!

awww yeah. just had 450th job app. perfect job. day shift M-F job at hospital that always rejects me and called me in for one abortive pseudo-interview. why do i keep applying here. because they have reasonable sounding entry level jobs and they are a huge employer in the area. and that is really all the reason anyone needs!

but yeah pretty sure they are strongly antigap hahaha. i guess thats their right. whatever. bitches.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/white-women-volunteering-at-calais-having-sex-with-multiple-migrants-per-day/55556

heheheh i am pretty close to anglin re my view on women. i just have no evidence to believe they are capable of making good decisions independently. even white women. white women left to their own devices WILL throw white men under the bus in favor of ooga booga strongman nonwhite migrant thugs because who is more MASCULINE. who shows more RAW POWER. women just dont CARE about race. it’s up to MEN to secure the white race. white women will just mate with the strongest man, and white men need to BE the strongest men.

WOMEN WANT TO BE CONTROLLED BY MEN WHO DONT PUT THEM ON A PEDESTAL!!!!!

This is why they are often with abusers! because abusers DONT GIVE A FOOK!

You/we/me need to also not give a fook!!!!!

some woman youre in love with, being used by negros and kebabs as a KVM BUCKET!!!!!!!

SHE WANTS TO BE DOMINATED!!!!!!

heh i am just angry because That Woman was a Beginner Mud Shark and she was a nice gurl and not a fat ugly trash and she might even stop being a mud shark. but anyway this triggers me when people say “who cares, the mud shark women are all fat ugly trash whores” because i know they are not.

so, maybe pretend you are a big tough abuser, but you dont actually have to abuse the women.

…..but maybe if you smack them ONCE, its a great return on investment, because she will be super faithful to you, and since you’re not REALLY an abuser, its not like you have to KEEP smacking and beating her.

because youre not a trashy nonwhite brute, you feel pretty bad about beating women, like you can’t bring yourself to do it.

this is why i am such a fan of spanking women. you give them a smack in a really very harmless way, you show her you wont tolerate her misbehavior, you show youre not afraid to smack her, but youre not REALLY beating or abusing her, and she rewards you with love and loyalty and effort.

i would have LOVED to spank That Woman, but…….you cant really spank a woman youre not fooking.

but its not hard to fook women! they fook men theyve JUST met!!!!!

then you can spank them, then they wont dump you, then they will stick around long enough for it to be a real rel!

but yeah basically i wasnt at the point where I COULD spank her. but its not hard to get to that point. once youve banged them, you can pretty much do whatever you want with their body hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha with their consent of course. and you can bang a gurl within 2 hours of meeting her.

anyway. basically, if a gurl doesnt have a GOOD FATHER, stay away. or at least never get feels for her or use her as more than a practice gurl. actually if you treat her like garbage she might be GOOD to you! so i dunno.

i think about these other sluts that dumped me, the one her parents were divorced, but she seemed to get along well with her father, had a good rel. respected and liked her father. well maybe her father let her get away with being a negro fookin slut and ddnt care, cuz they were joos.

but STILL i cant imagine even a jooish father not caring if his daughter to be a slut!!!!!!!

well she didnt SEEM like a slut though, and wasn’t a HUGE slut, just a SMALL slut. so the father prob just didnt know.

but yeah. spanking. its such a GREAT IDEA. it gives me HOPE and is a candle in the darkness of despair. seriously. i mean there are some bad guys out there that will punch a woman right in the face. i could never do that. i couldnt even open handed slap a woman in the face. but a spanking seems very doable. if your woman is distant and does not respect you or communicate with you, SPANK HER.

how much? i dunno. a decent amount. you dont want her to forget it. i dunno. 30 times. 1488 times.

you try treating women like human beings cuz your a man, thats how you treat everyone, and then they treat you in a way that you thought no human being could treat another human being. and then women on relship forums tell woman haters like you that you should, like, you know, maybe treat women as, like, you know, actual literal human beings, you controlling clingy creeper??!!?!!

before 2010 it was cool and rebellious to be liberal. now it is cool and rebellious to be conservative. and i think that is great. teens are much more conservative and alt right, while their parents are baby boomer shitlibs. children way more conservative than their parents. this is awesome. shit, children even more conservative than their GRANDPARENTS. i love it. this gives me hope for the future. that and spanking women hahahahahaha.

took a valium where normally i would take a nyquil. but i am getting over nyquil, it just makes you so slow the next day, its not worf it m8. even WEED doesnt do that.

i also hate how that viceland weediquette streetshitter krishna calls it WEED WEED WEED all the time. way to make your drug sound legitimate, degen. shit. even when he talked to this old bearded swami hippie, the old guy told him dont call it WEED call it CANNABIS. And I agreed with the old degen. WEED just SOUNDS degen. words matter hahahaha. language matters.

anyway this valium doesnt seem to be doing anything. although i am drinking coffee too hehehehe. i mean i drink coffee all day long.

she doesnt OWE it to you to stop talking to and texting her X regularly. were just friends now.

i just cant understand or relate to this at all. if i talked to HER regularly still, it would because i still wanted her.

and now that women know what “gaslighting” is, they are convinced that every is gaslighting. no, sometimes you just have no idea what the hell is going on!!!!!!! you completely misunderstand and you shut down all communication that would help you understand!!!! you dont WANT to understand!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

OK SILLY EVIL WH1TES, TIME TO GO NOW, YOUVE DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

sept 22

yeah there is def a mental emotional change when you have been a jobless neet for over a YEAR. you see a nice 12 dollar job and think wow maybe i could do this, and then you automatically get discouraged, like they will see this neetgap and say into the trash this neet goes.

so i am increasingly thinking a part time thing will be MANDATORY for me to regain my “training wheels” and gradually shed muh neetism. and then i have a MUCH better chance at getting those sweet bigboy 12 dollar jobs. and finding a nice fat white trash mudshark waifue hahahahaha. bbbbbb SHE makes 15 an hour! she is 3 full levels above me!

oh well i am done with her and i will be alone the rest of muh life, never find as good of a woman, big deal, who cares, i can get a 11 dollar part time job, be a part time bum and dnate money to 1488 orgs who support white children and white families that i will never have hahahahaha.

fook it who cares. smoke MJ erryday and dnate 20 bucks a year to white orgs hahaha really making a difference.

yeah well at least im not FAT!!!!!!!!!

should prob start LIFTING hahahaha.

11 Unusual Ways to Stand Out in a Job Interview

http://bit.ly/2cm4pHJ

#interview #interviewadvice #interviewattire #interviewetiquette #officebehavior via @Glassdoor

send a handwritten thank you note on fancy card stock? jeebus. fook this bitch. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. maybe thats why ive been rejected at 18 interviews. cuz all their other people sent handwritten thank yous on card stock. no ya dumb broad its because i have a 14 month gap. a 14.88 month gap hahahahahahahahaha hail victory, hail the fuhreri, gtkrwn

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2016/09/21/6518/

top 20% post here tbh fam, hall of fame. rising above the rising tide of mediocrity hahaha. up from neetness’s best. go back and reread this on fo sho hehehehe.

repost this one. hehehe. top 10% even. LOL

yeah i bought that millennial woes t shirt hahahaha. no more t shirts for a while hahahaha.

i liked that that woman was more used to REJECTION than normie women. rejected by her longterm bf, rejected by her short term bf, rejected for jobs that other people got. she would not get hired just for being a pretty young gurl, prob because she came across as dumb and dull, but i didnt think that outweighed being a pretty young gurl! but for her it did. so she would have to go to 2 or 3 interviews at diff places before one said yes. rather than getting an offer for her very first place. but she would still find something relatively soon. didnt have to send out 550 applications and do 19 interviews. and i am much sharper and present much better than her! well, except that i get nervous and spergy. and i have a huge gap. which outweighs me being a fairly decent interviewer, apparently.

yeah well im smarter than HER. im better than HER hahahaha. i deserve to make 15 an hour and she only deserves to make 13 an hour hahahaha. because i am WAY BETTER than her hahahaha.

no i dont really believe that, thats just my shitty defense mechanism against her making me feel so weak and worthless and inferior and thrown away hahaha.

who cares. only me, no one else. she for DAMN sure doesnt care anymore.

but yeah even me being on a 3 week stretch of No Interviews has definitely weakened muh confidence. sheeeeeeeit.

basically, if you dont do a job/work in a long time, you start to feel INCAPABLE of doing a job, that you dont have what it TAKES to do a job.

if you havent had secs in 10 years, you begin to feel you dont have WHAT IT TAKES to have secs with women. or you have permanently LOST what it takes.

i dont care too much about secs, but i DO care about Having What It Takes to Get Secs, when its Game Time and I find a mother of my children material of woman!!!!!

When you havent had a Trad Monog LTR with a woman ever, you begin to feel like you are missing What It Takes to have a Trad Monog LTR with a woman!

Feels Bad Man!

hehe he will probably get TORN APART for “wanting to make it a little painful for her” oh you evil evil evil horrible person!

actually a fairly decent good thread, would recommend

the idea that the outside world finds you worthless. the real world. The Market finds you worthless and unemployable. Women find you worthless and uncommit-to-able. this stream of negative thoughts is what causes despair and it must be stopped. and not with recreational drugs. but what about MJ? hehehehe.

sheeeeit. wife cant hide her CHEATING because the guy DIED and she was devastated by it, and this is how her hubby finds out. cheatin bitches, nothing sacred hehehe.

i bet all the people telling him not to get a paternity test are WOMEN. hahahaha. women WOULD say some bullshit like that.

i accept that you can luv kids who are not biologically yours…….but i claim that you need to know. because you deserve to know if YOUR legacy is continuing. you are entitled to WANT biological children of your own.

tried to listen to evoken “antithesis of light” and, just like the last time i tried listening to it, i was like, this is ok, its doomy and slow and dark and  i like the drums and this guy really does have good craig pillard esque lowass growling vocals which i really like (interestingly enough pillard actually joined the band for one album but he never did his classic lowass growls tho! just played bass. also i like craig pillard because he is an outspoken pro-white. or at least he used to be and i hope he still is!)

and the drums sounded good but god damn the songs did not hit me the same way as the songs on their previous albums. the riffcraft was not as compelling. a few cool riffs and a lot of that disembowelmentesque clean ethereal guitar over heavy slow riffs, i like that, but…….i dunno the songs just dont seem as good as on the albums before it, and this is the same impression i got of this album every time i tried listening to it, and then i stopped following evoken and they have 2 albums AFTER this!!!!!! but i want to give them more chances, i really do, they are good bois, they dindu nuffin.

you know that feel when somebody asks you a question or gives you a problem that is WAY ABOVE YOUR PAY GRADE? well now imagine that its STILL your job to fix the problem, and the people whos pay grade it IS, are gonna fight you and your client tooth and nail to PROVE that its really above your pay grade. just believe me when i say i can’t do this!!!!

but then again i tend to underestimate myself and think i am incapable of a LOT!

ok we need no explanation or qualification of how mgla is a great band, but KSM needs a little more luv. Also this album sounds a lot different than KSM’s “enemy of man” and is very blasting, raw, fast, savage, does not really sound like mgla at all, whereas i guess “enemy of man” sound more mglalike. plus this is just a great drummer and it is nice just to listen to him play. and to GOMAD like he does here. i am not sure its the same singer though.

heh. i was in ARBYS getting sum ROASTIES and there was the cutest 18 year old gurl in the world working there. snow white skin, super light blond hair, i mean she was super blond. and just ridiculously, insanely cute, like real aryan tradwives in wheatfields tier, i cant believe such a gurl EXISTS at the ARBYS 1 mile away from my home!

i mean she was YOUNG though, 18 at the OLDEST. I mean I had to take a step back and pick my jaw off the ground. I was BOWLED OVER. IMPRESSED. turned into total mush at this sight of this TEEN GURL. an 18 year old gurl reducing a 35 year old man to Jelly heehehehehe.

No I am not 35 but I use that as an approximation of my age, I am close enough to 35.

” I personally hold strongly that part of the goal of a marriage is to be one another’s moral partners ” says glassisnotglass on

i thought that was a very interesting thing of them to say, and I probably agree.

heh. HOW COME it takes till age 25 for women to “figure out what they want???” It doesnt take MEN till age 25. it didnt take me. this is setting the bar very low and encouraging bad behavior from women.

some stupid reddit thing about a 23 year old woman acting like a 12 year old, and tons of people are saying, well what do you expect, shes onyl 23. NO EXCUSE. YOU SHOULDNT BE THAT IMMATURE AT AGE 23. YOU SHOULD BE MARRIED WITH 2 CHILDREN AT LEAST.

signed into my old twitter for the first time in 3 years and see real life people i used to know literally saying antiwhite shit. like these crazy WHITE PEOPLE. UGH. OLD WHITE PEOPLE. Trump supporters. UGH. these WHITE people are SO UGH. YOURE WHITE YA MORON!!!!!!! these WHITE people calling other white people WHITE as a pejorative. like UGH. so DUMB and RACIST and WORKING CLASS and UNEDUCATED and AFRAID and INSECURE. WHITE PEOPLE SUCK.

these are real people. who were close friends with people i was close friends with. who get a masters degree and a decent middle class job. this is the type of shit they say to sound funny or smart.

even this other guy who trolls feminists and would be a good MGTOW candidate, white people are still UGH to him. even though he could potentially be red pilled on women.

but if youre 31 years old and not red pilled on WOMEN yet, you will never be red pilled on ANYTHING.

people really close to my age are so blue pilled and lame and antiwhite hahaha. the YOUNGER kids, there is actual potential there. people my age are the lamest, antiwhitest, SHITLIBS you could imagine.

the world is not overly white!!!!!! ever heard of africa, asia, middle east, south america? whites are already a MINORITY in the WORLD!!!!!!

or OH GOD I HAVE 1 out of 1000 FB friends is a TRUMP SUPPORTER!!!!!!! it prob wasnt a very close friend either. these people are less tolerant than ME, the 1488 GTKRWN White Supremacist!!!!!

“joking” about being able to spot trump supporters just by looking at a room of random people. they are probably white and fat. like you hahahahahahaha. but dont make stupid antiwhite jokes on twitter.

he has a kid and luvs being a dad and is puzzled that people under 25 are so antinatalist because having a kid is really awesome! which would be awesome if……..his kid were white. yep. white guy with a mixed baby who makes antiwhite jokes all the time and its more than just jokes, he is a true believer in diversity, and that whites have done enough harm. its time to take your final lap whites and get ready to retire. we’ve have enough of whites.

this is literally how these WHITE PEOPLE think. they admit that whites are evil, whites are bad, don’t lump ME in with white people, i might be white but I admit white people have done more harm than good, and THATS WHY diversity is good, because it DECREASES THE NUMBER OF WHITE PEOPLE. WHITES ARE BAD, SO ITS GOOD TO HAVE LESS WHITES. get rid of the whites, theyve DONE ENOUGH DAMAGE. good god.

uhhh way to assume all working class shop rats in a particular large industry dislike  barry. pretty sure they would vote for barry or hillary because they are lazy union scumdogs that are 50% nonwhite. but in the white antiwhites mind, all working class people are White Trump Supporting Racists. uhhh youre forgetting about all the NONWHITE working class people ya moron.  you think theyre voting for trump?

this is honestly a nice good decent guy so I can’t Curse him too much, but my god. his ideology makes me more sick than myideology would make him sick.  and he lives muh dream of having a good job and having a wife and being a father. i dont even doubt his nonwhite wife is a good person but i still wish he married a white woman and had a white baby and wasnt so god damn disgusting antiwhite! youre WHITE! just accept it! embrace it! learn to love your whiteness!

laugh at the jimmy buffet listening white people getting cray to their white people music! YOU ARE WHITE!!!!

its like they FORGET THAT THEY ARE WHITE, talking about white people LIKE YOU ARENT WHITE.

no they dont forget it. this is just their way of signaling that they arent like this. that they arent proud of being white. whites are a JOKE.

Literally 20% of his tweets are making fun of white people or whiteness. no other racial groups. just whites. ok its probably more like 10% but its a CONSISTENT 10%. sure enough, there’s another white joke in with the random jokes about your baby or food or funny stuff at work or whatever.

well i guess its more interesting than the other poeple who tweet about SPORTSBALL hehehehe. YAWN.

none of the people on my “real life men” list could be considered even slightly right of center. or even center. ALL leftists. well to be fair its the one guy doing the tweeting. i mean there is lotta twitter attrition here.

i made a separate list for women because literally EVERYTHING they say is stupid, so i didnt want to read them any more. again they would all be leftists but thats the default state for young tweeting women.

ok done with that bullshit. it is AMAZING how different i am from these people. and i LIKE being different. i WANT to stand up for my own side. I WANT To defend whites. i am seriously PRO-white. I dont throw MY people under the bus.  i dont make fun of whites. i seriously stand for and with Working Class Whites.

i dont blindly suck trumps dick but i HAVE to vote for him because he says ANYTHING supportive of working class whites!

these other whites have nothing but CONTEMPT for working class whites!!!!!

so dissapointing and sad. i mean this guy is smart, he’s actually funny, he’s a nice guy. he didnt HAVE to turn out like this. i mean i dont HATE him. I dont HATE his nonwhite wife and kid. i just have to shake my head. SMH.

yet more evidence that I REALLY need to go to pro white meetups and meet other pro white real life people. i HAVE to.

or at least find people i already know who already have pro-white inklings.

and its disappointing when the white poeple you know DONT have these inklings, in fact they make anti white jokes, and truly believe that Whites Have Done Enough Harm, Its Time To Go Now, Buh Bye Whites.

this is THE underlying belief, which makes debating nonwhites pointless.

basically: whites have power, nonwhites dont, whites have used their power to oppress nonwhites, and this reign of terror is starting to crumble and come to and end, and that’s a good thing! it’s GOOD when white population declines! Good! whites are a net negative, a cancer of humanity, whites have done more harm than good, ITS TIME FOR THEM TO GO. and WHTE PEOPLE BELIEVE THIS FULLY.

no its not fair for whites to protect themselves, because whites are OBJECTIVELY EVIL! whites are the most harmful race! its ONLY FAIR that whites pay the karmic price by dying off! Good!

this is LITERALLY how these people think! and it makes me sick!

well at least i got 5 applications done today, havent gotten 5 in at LEAST a week. spread them out all throughout the day. took the edge off by playing cards WHILE doing the application. or, intentionally doing the app slowly and not quickly, even if it would skew my numbers. so then i took the slow time and just took 10%-15% off of it. i guess i could also just input the Current Average of 13 minutes. or how about 14 or 15.

sept 23

received rejection from post office job today that i interviewed for like 3 months ago. for the PSE mail processing clerk. funny that i was actually offered a carrier job but not the processing job.

and i turned down the carrier offer because of shit i read online hahahaha. i still dont feel too bad about that hahahaha.

but i still feel incapable of doing/handling just about any job!

how come SHE can handle a job but I cant?

note: these thoughts dont seem to bother me as much as they once did, thank GOD.

but, how come any random NORMIE can handle a job but I cant? is the more general version of that thought.

heh. so whites are responsible for most of the INJUSTICE in the world and therefore we need to balance out the balance sheet. whites still have a DEBT TO PAY. thats why they mock them and like it when whites fade away.

i need to really start socialising with white people who are proud to be white hahahaha.

not that i really hang out with whites who mock whites anyway! these people I see on twitter, i dont really see them in RL anymore. i will see people like this only very occasionally. the people i see most regularly are not nearly this bad, hahahahaha. thank GOD.

but i would STILL like to hang out with people who are blatantly pro-white, like me hahahaha.

so, WHITES deserve to lose power because they have been so UNJUST and OPPRESSIVE for HUNDREDS OF YEARS. They brought this on themselves. They are the Douchebro race and now they need to learn that they cant act like that without consequence. have to be held accountable.

this is exactly the antiwhite view, its so simple, and we would do well to remind ourselves of it. you cant logic with these people. you cant change them or redpill them or chip away at them. they are basically hopeless race traitors hahahaha.

but yeah debating THEM is useless but like bulbasaur says, its more useful for the listening audience, to chip away at the people who actually are on the fence.

sometimes people adopt certain personas to fit in or make friends, indeed i was like that. when i was 20 i was a huge antiwhite leftist who thought that mocking the ebil whites was a way to make friends with the cool leftist kids and maybe win the approval of the qt leftist gurls (at leftist university, all the gurls were leftist).

but that was when i was 20! these people are not 20 any more!

so i thank GOD that I became woke by age 30 hahahaha. this guy on twitter is not, and never will be. you find a 30 year old that is talking like this, its pretty hopeless. and they have children. and will teach their children this crap.

are there any people that people redpilled AFTER they have children? i think some guys on the fatherland actually were. actually i think having children starts the redpilling for some people. well good for them. they were probably on the fence anyway, or werent blatantly antiwhite to begin with.

i will do everything i can to live out the 14 words, but it still is VERY frustrating to think that I dont Have What It Takes to have my OWN white children.

i mean if shit is mostly genetic, i should be able to have children with a white skank, and abandon them, and they will prob still turn out all right…..right?

but its patently horrible to abandon your children, and i wouldnt really want to do that.

and i dont really WANT to have children with a white trash skank!!!!

but if thats my only option to have children? you cant live in a fantasy world, you gotta live in the REAL world hehehehe.

so yeah i guess my plan is, if i havent had children by age 50, then just go the desperate plan z route of knocking up basically any white woman that will take me.

but that child would be MISERABLE!!!!!!!

heh. i remember when i was on facebook. like 7 years ago. i would get triggered by the stupid annoying things people would say, especially women. i just wanted to get away from it all. so i did. years later i brought back facebook and only had 7 friends this time. basically people who did not post annoying stupid shit and were trusted long term fairly special friends. that worked out ok until i friended THat Woman hahahaha and so i have deactivated this FB for the past 14 months hehehe.

but seeing that guys shitty twitter just made me think, damn, facebook is EVEN WORSE. even MORE idiots saying even MORE stupid shit. and i was GLAD I didnt have to put up with that….. but i was also frustrated because maybe this means i am too easily triggered and cant DEAL with real life people!!!!!!!

well being annoyed by peoples stupid political and moral opinions on facebook is nothing new. normies get annoyed at this too. they just dont have the BALLS to cut off fb entirely like me hahahahaha.

yeah i mean i do like seeing pictures of muh friends beautiful white children.

but everyone I know has my email address and phone number. I check email 1488 times a day. its always open. its open right now. i get 1488 job alerts a day. i just looked at email right now.

you can search my name on google and find my linkedin and twitter pages, which have my email on them. my phone number is available to connections on my linkedin page.

i dont NEED facebook in other words.

why would you “DATE” somebody if “its not a serious relationship?” where date obviously means casually fooking. i swear it is the stupid WOMEN who ruin reddit with their womanly bullshit.

the things they advise, if a guy actually was like that, they would dump him quickly. they view kindness and respect as weakness. and actual weakness they view as worse than abuse or stalking or raep.

comedy. i used to be much more into comedy. well, my good friend was really into comedy and he is a great guy and i supported him and felt i had a somewhat similar appreciation for comedy and comedians, actually smart funny good comedians vs bad comedians, comic timing, what makes something funny, etc.

as i have become more 1488 i have become less tolerant of comedians. i guess louis ck is a great example of the change i’ve gone through. he’s new enough that he was never grandfathered in in my youth. he started gaining a reputation as a smart person’s comedian and writer. i sort of appreciate his Depth of Character Development, which is above average…..but he’s still a cuckold phaggot. I watch his stuff sometimes with some interest. he’s smart enough to know better, so its disappointing to see him ultimately be a big blue pill jooish phaggot. and really he’s nly 25% jooish. but he seems like way more hahahaha.

like i was watching this show on fx “better things” which he is the co creator of, along with the female star, who was actually the voice of bobby on king of the hill. here she plays a degenerate single mother actress mudshark basket case skank with an alcoholic skank single mother herself. no positive masculine characters. all the females are stronk independent fragile basket case skanks. it totally makes sense to have louis ck in on this, and its pretty disgusting.

you can do better louis, just dont be such a weak degen. but he wont, i am confident in that. so into the oven he goes.

and its very similar with all of tv, movies, hollywood, etc. its all jooish degen, and has been well before 1965. hollywood has been jooish even since like 1920 hahahahaha.

so what. whos a good comedian? george carlin? bill hicks? they seem edgy but really its just basic bitch libertarian bullshit, and that’s just not good enough.

yet when i was 23 and met a super qt 20 year old gurl who actually knew and liked bill hicks, i thought oooooo this gurl is so special. normie gurls dont even know who bill hicks is.

of course she turned out to be a crazy mudshark slut, and thankfully i quickly got over my infatuation with her. seeing a 2015 tweet from her (not a frequent tweeter but im sure she is a mad FBer) shows that she essentially supports BLM, hates cops, thinks cops are The White Man oppressing and killing Blacks, and also guns are bad too.

at age 29 this girly leftism becomes a lot less cute than at age 20, and i have some schadenfreude as she rapidly approaches The Wall with no husband, no children, because guess what cupcake: YOU ARENT GOOD WIFE MATERIAL.

you cant get down on women for being leftist though, women are natural leftists. it’s the man’s job to guide them to the right.

still, does that mean women HAVE TO express their dumb stupid leftist opinions? why cant they just be more Apolitical????? Apolitical is ideal.

indeed, not all people express stupid opinions on fb or twitter or whatever.

some of them have Anonymous Blogs where they write 148800000000 word posts on far right stuff and traditional values. find me that woman hahahaha. no jk. in a woman, thats just weird. for a man, well, then i would like to hang out with that guy!

and thats obviously what i need to do ASAP. meet more real life white men with Racially Woke Far Right Wing views and morals like me.

i kinda am interested in getting a part time ABA autism job. just to see what its like. i dont have that kind of curiosity for other shitty jobs hahaha. and all the ABA jobs are part time, low paying, low qualifications, low bar, seems like it would be easy for a dumb ingra woman to get hahahahaha so why not me. well thats presumptuous, i have interviewed for SEVERAL part time 11 dollar an hour jobs and not gotten an offer!

i could say i have autism myself. no i just have terrible social anxiety. big difference hhahaha.

hehehehehehehehe  this young man of 26 he is way younger than me AND he has a gf who doesnt dump him because he is at a deadend job making shit money and he is unhappy and so why doesnt she dump him because to keep a woman you have to be in charge and happy all the fookin time. and the second you have a low phase and ask them can i lean on you for some moral support, they say nope dont be so insecure needy and clingy, im gone, this is your fault for pushing me too much. hahahahahaha

heh. so a person goes to the dr to ask for some benzos because they are scared of flying, doc says ok fine, gives them <10 xanax.

this is a lot different than someone who says holy fook i need benzos to go to my job EVERY DAY because im so freaked out by my JOB EVERY DAY.

the guy who freaks out on planes does NOT freak out about his job. he survives his job quite easily, makes 40k+ a year, goes out and socializes on work nights, gets 6 hours of sleep tops, and doesnt mind. doesnt freak out.  wouldnt THINK of taking benzos for the job.

and i think OH GOD I NEED BENZOS JUST TO SURVIVE EACH DAY AT THE JOB.

now i didnt really. i got like 6 months prescription of benzos but just hoarded them. in hindsight i wish i HAD taken them on the job. but I was worried about Seemed Stoned to everybody, so I just continued to freak out and not take them, except on weekends sometimes, just to take the edge off.

today is friday night, party time, took half dose of nyquil, my go to party drug. wish i had a big bag of indica MJ, then i would smoke that hehehe.

woo hoo got 6 applications in today. got about 250 calories over my goal tho. but i wanted to get at least 5 applications today in order to feel like a basic human being. and i did hehehe. even as the nyquil is making my thinking less sharp hehehe.  also my apps are getting longer and bringing my average up. I remember when I was at like 12.9 minutes. now i am at like 13.3 minutes. not cool man!

i guess i am a little jealous of women. they can get a Trad Monog LTR even if they are totally crazy, “babies give me a mental breakdown, and im also suicidal.” a MAN this crazy would be a foreveralone virgin, compounding his suizidality.

but again we know the reason why. power of the uterus. so it is only RIGHT that any woman, even a crazy one, doesnt need to make a HUGE EFFORT to get a man, and can still easily get a man even with HUGE DEALBREAKERS.

this woman is so crazy that “babies make me want to K myself” good LORD.

hehehehe. theses STUPID ARGUMENTS that the WOMEN START. we never got to that point. she would just dump me long before it got to this point hahahaha.

i have an anxious attachment style, she has an avoidant attachment style hahahaha. maybe i need another anxious person hahaha.

i know you have to put in LOTS of applications before you get a job, and it ALWAYS takes LONGER than you think…..but HOW long? HOW many applications? over a year? over 500 applications?

yeah sure i should get WAY more than 500 applications in a year, but I was really lazy and shitty for the first 6 months of that hahahahaha. so yeah i could get more like 800 applications in a year.

 

THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

hg

hgh

ghghghgh

ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.

 

 

 

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND HANG OUT WITH ME ONCE IN 10 MONTHS

may 10

1000 calories,  7.07 miles (at various speeds and various inclines), 136 minutes.

kind of a long time, i am very jelly of the people who can burn 1000 calories in 1 hour. i have seen a few.  but that was my goal yesterday. rather than going a straight 130 minutes, I just decided to say fook the time and go until I reach 1000 calories. broke it up into 3 parts. first part did a 2.5 mile Slow Jog. with some walking. to get to 400 calories. then next portion was focused on doing huge incline, up to max of 15%. getting 300 calories there. then took a small break to go to bathroom and drink water. then cam back and did last 300 cals at very relaxed pace. so basically, 700, then a break, then 300.

for the first 700 listened to music, then on 300 listened to white racist fatherhood podcast.  best show ever. did I mention I made a donation to TRS hahahahah pat myself on the back publicly.

so it was 3 portions:

  1. 400 cals, 3.14 miles, 47 minutes. involved 2.5 miles of Slow Jogging hahaha. prepping or muh 5k haha.

2. 300 cals, 1.62 miles, 39 minutes. attached to portion 1. ramped up eventually to 15%, speed was pretty slow.

3. took break. came back. did 300 calories, 2.31 mile, 50 minutes. much lower incline. tried to “relax.”

well i neeted it up at the interview, and important to note this was for an Eligibility Pool, not a specific job, so…. hehehe so hard to make money in this world. just want to not be a neet skell hahahaha.

Civil Cases and Debt cases sometimes dont go to trial but get outsourced to an outside ARBITRATION service who then makes the ruling on who owes what.

I just want a civil court arbitration that that woman treated me less than respectfully, and therefore owes me an apology, and some respect. hahahaha. basically to have someone back me up and say, you’re right, this isn’t right, you dont deserve this, this is no way to treat a person, she fooked up, and you didnt do anything wrong.

this is the problem when somebody dumps you in this way. either they’re fooked up, or you’re a monster who deserves this. And I REALLY dont want to be a monster. I’d rather her be a huge chickenshit coward avoider. well at least I think that option is becoming more clear.

when a bitch accuses you of being CLINGY or NEEDY, just mansplain to them, no im not clingy, thats what love IS. I just have stronger feelings for you than you have for me, so to you it LOOKS LIKE needy. when you loved a guy more than he loved you, you looked 9000000000 times worse than this. now bend over and take my c0ck up your ass 90000000000 times, you filthy wh0re, and that will make me like you less and hate you more and then i will be less needy hahahahahalol. then you can find some other f4gg0t fool to NEED your used up ass. bet youll feel great when you are 35 and no one NEEDS you except your ingrate bastard mud baby and your cats. and they cant fook you hard like a real man can hahahaha.

had dream I was hanging out with one of my previous female friends who was a fairly attractive young woman. but she was always dating other guys and I never really wanted to date her. we just hung out and got along pretty well. but I never got conflicted over her. although in the dream I had just spent a fun day with her and then at the end of it we started cuddling and I think Making Out. and I thought, well this isnt nearly as weird as I feared it might be.

so that means, I PROBABLY could have gotten more than friends feelings for her too if I had tried, hahaha. but I never did. Anyway we drifted apart very amicably and I have no hard feelings towards her. I kinda feel she would be a big handful to Date though. like Unchill and crazy, been with too many guys, too crazy, etc. but as a friend she was just fine. But I still think That Woman would have been a much better GF. she hadnt been with as many guys and was more innocent. but in the end…..who treated me better?????? the “slut!” hahahaha. Not that I like to think of that prior female friend as “A Slut.” even if she might have been. she also got into long term rels with guys.

i never wanted to date her and never Got Feelings. but this dream showed me that maybe I could have, in an alternate universe. prob one where we spent even more time together, and where she was blatantly single. she was single/available like less than 1% of the time I knew her.

I am single/available 99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of my entire life, hahahahaha.

well better than 100% hahaha.

good god. send resume to “IT REcruiter” for an “asset coordinator” position which i dont even know what that is, but it didnt sound like a call center, and the guy calls me within 30 minutes. I did not answer, let it go to voice mail. he said he was EXTREMELY INTERESTED in talking to me hahahahaha. god damn aggressive recruiters. I wish the companies could be as aggressive. then they would actually hire people. thats how recruiters work, thats how they find people. they just YOUR HIRED! to anybody and then send these schmucks to the company. perhaps the recruiter actually takes the time to look at the resumes while the company just hires anyone who comes in for an interview. i honestly dont know how this is sustainable. and i hate everything related to “IT”.

or apply for an autistic children behavior tech using simply apply on indeed and get a direct email from the person at the clinic, asking me to fill out this application doc file and send it back. just a shitty ass form on a doc file that is gonna contain all the information on my linkedin and indeed pages which was included with my original submission.

sheeeeit. back to spraying out applications hahahaha. i still wish that woman would “come to her senses” and apologize to me. shit. its just gonna take a damn year to get over, actually probably more.

was I really THAT bad? I dont think I was THAT bad. damn. So I was annoying. give me a little benefit of the doubt. I wasnt some random guy. just TRY. not try to luv me, but TRY to see it from my perspective and TRY to give me a tiny bit of good will. im not trying to hurt you. im not trying to fook up our friendship. but this just happened. what would you do if your BF was HORRIFIED and DISGUSTED when you were honest about how you liked him, and he reacted like this, instead of dating you in a marriage like relship for 5 long years?

hey I lost something and someone important to ME. itd be NICE if you acted like i was important to you too.

of COURSE me getting feelings complicates shit. but i knew when I was your age that you cant hold feelings back. and you shouldnt hate people for getting feelings.

but yeah she was a big deal in my life and i still havent filled that void yet. maybe if i were working a lot. or even a little. that would def help. leaving the job ALSO caused a big void. so now I have TWO BIG VOIDS and that is a lot.

I think if I were just working I could focus on that, worry about that, maybe become a degen MJ smoker again, maybe 3 solid months of chronic MJ use would help me make some progress in getting over her. i mean thats all that she does. smoke tones of MJ every day and forget everything. I wouldnt mind forgetting HER.

oh but i would be using drugs to block shit out. NO, i would be using drugs to erase or delete memories. big difference.

not block, but erase. destroy. dispose of. annihilate. delete forever. its the closest thing to never meeting her. as if she never existed. that would be great. where mah weed at.

nietzsche wearing trump hat.png hahahahahaha

i dont give a shit if it IS degenerate. if it helps me get over this woman, then i’ll take it. obviously dont want to be doing it for like more than 6 months.

hey i mean I cant deal with the Feelings any MORE. there’s nothing more left. it’s just replaying of all the old shit. it’s all been played out. it just stays there like the stench of smoke or cat piss in a house. lingers, serving no god damn purpose whatsoever.

may 11

had dream featuring woman4 aka woman2005B? she had a sense of SEcsual Innocence which I looked for and found in other women too. However she saw me at my drunken worst too much and was kind of annoyed by me hahahaha. plus I was too much of a pvssy to really hang out with her one on one. which come on. you really need to do that. but I was young, I was drinking a lot, I had gotten dumped by woman3 and was upset about that, and I was trying to get back together with woman2 but she wanted to be Just Friends, so my confidence was at another big low, which caused me to act like an idiot around woman4, who I remained in luv with for far too long. I think I was over her within 3 years tho hahahahaha.

heh. its weird. I havent had any success with women since I stopped drinking hahaha. 6 years ago….i mean 7. however I would get so falling down drunk that that didnt help me with women either.  like holy shit he is the drunkest one here kind of drunk. not lets all get tipsy together. well, I used to be able to do that back in the day, and that was legit fun, and that maybe DID help me with woman2 and woman3. in 2004 and 2005 hahaha.

wow 302 days since i last talked to That Person. and it feels just like yesterday hahahaha. I like to think in terms of 100%, multiples of 100, 100 days, 200 days, 300 days, 400 days, so hitting the 300 day mark is significant. def have made some progress but just want to make it to the 400 day mark, which I think will be better. 100 and 200 were nothing. meant nothing. who cares. no big change there.

anyway what happened in the dream with woman2005B. uhh I think we were at a party and I might have been getting drunk and embarrassing myself in front of her. also I was trying to spy on her to see how she reacted to these douchebag guys hitting on her. she did not appear to be having a lot of fun and went to sleep in a room in the back. I saw her sleeping there alone. I guess there was no guarantee she hadnt had casual sex with every guy there but me, but it really didnt seem like it. the next day people were eating breakfast and I tried being nice to her and apologizing for being a drunken fool? Cant really remember.

but yeah being a drunken fool is never a good move with women, and neither is apologizing like a little bitch.

hehehe the worst thing you can do after being ANNOYING to a woman, is to APOLOGIZE to her for it.

in fact i dont even know the best thing you can do. pretend like it never happened? be cool, stay away from the woman for a while? then she’ll prob just forget about you totally. i am tempted to say that being annoying is the worst thing you can do in the first place, cuz its one strike and youre out, you cant bounce back from that ever, you might as well pack it in immediately, YOURE DONE.

it doesnt matter if youve been married for 20 years or you just met the woman hahahaha. be annoying ONCE and youre the bad guy who ruined the rel and pushed her away.

hhahahaha ok i am exagerrateing as i sometimes do. magnifying. going to extremes. of course if youre married for 20 years, your wife might show you more loyalty and luv and not give up on you after one strike. you might get the full 3 strikes. leave the toilet seat up 3 times over 3 years and youre divorced hahahaha. its not like the points come off your record in 6 months.

anyway woman4 was a lot more emotionally stable than me hahahaha. she got a decent job and really she just needs to get her masters degree already, I dont know why she put that off. Of course I liked that about her! but shes so focused on her social justice career that its foolish of her NOT to get a stupid social justice masters degree already. in international poverty alleviation or some shit. or some really sjwy law degree would also be good for her.

she could have well been asexual or a lesbo. well she was too cute and feminine to be a lesbo. but she would prob be very nervous about secs and embarrassed to talk about it publicly…….as all women SHOULD be! so I liked that about her.

in an alternate universe i would have just gotten married to her when I was 22 and she was 21 hahaha. and i would have not been drinking or acting a fool. oh i realize the error of my evil ways.

i kinda acted a fool with That Woman…..but it was still very different. there was no drunkenness. just annoying pushiness. but I hung out with her one on one quite a bit, which I never did with with woman4, and had enough courage to ask her to hang out at least hahaha. also i was never really actual friends with woman4. we never hung out or texted or talked or had a real rel of any kind, the way I did with That Woman.

but yeah I would luv to use degen MJ for like 3 months or 100 days hahahaha to see if that helps erase that woman from my mind. but got to get job first hehe.

so should i call this IT recruiter back about the asset coordinator job? PROBABLY.

its all about DOING THE REPS. you might not be in the best mood, or be super confident, not at the top of your game, but you get down to work and do the reps anyway. do something rather tahn nothing.

also I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I was NOT looking to her to give me support for my Despair Disorder. That is my cross to bear alone hahahaha. I was, however, looking for the kind of general Loving Moral Support which a Special Woman wilfully provides to her Lover. The Tender Mercies and all that. the warmth and cuddles and all that. which I think is legit, reasonable. But I was not asking her to be my Shrink and Save Me From Myself. I know a lot of Despair people do this and it understandably overwhelms the partner, pushes them away.

Nope I wasnt doing that at all. I was just asking for someone to spend time with me and give me luv and cuddles hahaha. not emotionally manipulate with my own despair. what a womanly thing to do hahahaha. im gonns suddenly shut down because I have despair disorder and you are gonna be at the mercy of muh moods. NOPE. i didnt do ANY of that.

however I do firmly believe that general luv and cuddles would have generally increased my confidence and power and probably made me generally less depairing.

see her confidence was not diminished at ALL. getting rid of me was just getting rid of a problem. it was a weight lifted and her life could get better. for me it was a big loss, like a death, leaving a huge void, and also I have two huge voids, one in muh personal life, another in my working life, and have greatly weakened confidence in both those areas. where she has much greater confidence in both those areas. hehehehe. winning lifes struggles is a lot easier when you have CONFIDENCE. and jobless loveless neet virgin losers dont have much confidence at all.

the worst thing I wanted was her to support muh confidence. but she didnt really need to DO anything to do that other than hang out with me and not be cold and distant to me. very low bar. when things were going good with her, i was pretty confident.

but when things went REALLY bad with her, my confidence went into the crapper. what i’m saying, is they didn’t have to go SO badly, and maybe if they hadn’t, my confidence would be higher now, which would make my current struggles less difficult.

in other words, it wasnt draining or too much effort for her to build up my confidence. she just needed to sit there and smile hahaha.

but it also wouldnt have been THAT much effort for her to PREVENT the hugeass CRASH in my confidence.

of course, the OBVIOUS lesson here is, don’t chain your self confidence to SOMEBODY ELSE, PERIOD.

so yeah its always been hard for me to not associate my self confidence with How Women View Me.

When Women view me favorably, I have decent confidence.

When women view me unfavorably and abandon me, I have very low confidence.

Once I get over those rejections and women have no opinion of me…..uh i have average-for-me confidence and a pretty pessimistic view of women hahahah.

but for like at least a year after a big rejection, my confidence is impacted. adversely.

basically women reject me and become way more successful than me at life hahaha. I have never been rejected by a woman who did not move on to become WAY more successful and make WAY more money than me, regardless of the age difference. 4, 8 years younger than me, they still make more money than me in the current year.

shit coming up on the 3 year anniversary of this Blog. so i was trying to get over the rejection of woman2012 still. I had met That Woman about 6 months before starting this blog. however since me and her never made it to 3 years (only 2.7 hahahahah), then yeah technically this blog is Older. so I see that as a good thing. My ROCK to get me through. something truly long term hahaha.

in late 2012 i was getting attention for my old blog and getting pretty interested in The Movement hahaha. I still am very interested in the movement, but I don’t want to be a public face for the movement, because my emotional instability and neetness makes the movement look bad, and they don’t need that. and i dont want to do that to them, however unintentionally.

I got rejected by woman2012 around that time. I met That Woman around that time. there really was a lot going on! i was working my littleboy job, i bought muh first laptop computer, I visited muh friend in las vegas and rode on a plane. racist on a plane hahahahaha. I remember I listened to some Dr Pierce on the plane.

so rejected in october 2012, i recall I was kind of upset about that, such that I was still upset in may 2013 and started this blog. but in hindsight what i am going through now is 90000000 times worse. I didnt start a new blog but god damn I have a huge buffer of posts hahahaha to keep this blog going for another 6 months even if i stop writing today. which i wont hahahaha.

and obviously i have been talking about mainly that even since it happened! HER! that person and the tragic end of our rel.

she cant deny that it was a relship of sorts. it wasnt a secsy rel but it was a close friendship! she cant deny that. an impartial arbitration firm would prove that. because we had intimate conversations. not surprising that i, having a taste of Intimacy, wanted a little bit more. I didnt expect her to give it to me, but i DID expect that we would bla bla bla communicate about it.

see? dead horse, stale farts, im just feeling the same feelings over and over and over again, running in circles, and this is what I want the MJ for. to erase the mind. there is nothing left for me to learn here. there wasnt much to learn in the first place.

really the PAIN per se is not terrible, but the general lack of confidence is the big problem atm.  im half the man i used to be hahahaha. actually way less than that hahahaa. a 1488th of the man i used to be.  i have absolutely lost my mojo or groove or chutzpah or spark or whatever. not that I had a lot to begin with!

oh no MW is in a state of despair. I think he is just on the verge of a despair mode, after he has experienced some success in life at long last which lifted him out of years of despair.

IMHO what he needs is a real life support system, ideally a 3DPD waifu to cuddle with. or im just saying that because thats what I really want hahaha. did MW have a falling out with adam wallace or something? people saying theres a “split” in the alt right? the alt right is all over the place anyway. was adam wallace speaking out against “the 1488 crowd?” I dont want to put words in adam wallace’s mouth, he seems like a good guy but definitely more arrogant than MW. indeed MW has so much self doubt that it is harmful to him.

now he’s transformed from a neet to a guy who makes 400 dollars a month hahhaha on donations (more than I make!!!!) and he makes very nice videos, and works really hard, too hard IMHO, he is burning out a little.

how does one “PUT IN THE REPS” without BURNING OUT?

well you just go through the emotions and half ass things and hope you are not Found Out and Fired!

or, you half ass things every other day. on Valium Day.

i dunno some jobs you cant do that though, because everything is measured, everything factors into the metrics, so you have to be on point producing high quality and high quantity with no half assing. even when the manager is out, they still see the numbers and the reports regarding your work and its quality and quantity.

well now I have an interview with the post office. city carrier assitant job, 16 bucks an hour, non career position, no guarantee of hours. they just emailed here saying be here at this time 5 days from now, NO RESCHEDULES.

i wonder if post office gives random drug tests. i mean I would probably be driving the little mail truck and delivering to houses. assuming I dont sound autistic during the interview.

well this is the post office downtown for the interview. I hear that post office is 99% nonwhite hahaha. they smoke blunts all day and think whitey is uptight hahaha.

well…. yeah i mean because nothing government agencies do makes any sense. nothing in Regular Companies makes sense either, until you think….this is being done to cut costs. of course even that is done incompetently, remember? so they lose money in the LONG RUN. well, govt is even MORE incompetent, which might be GOOD because it allows me to really COAST and not try hahahahaha.

but yeah I hear this post office is in a real Ghetto area of town where people get shot and robbed just a few blocks away hahaha great. I mean this is a Ghetto City that does not have a great reputation in general.

yeah I know its politically incorrect to say ghetto in reference to poor blacks. but I am somewhat thankful to grow up near a truly Ghetto City, so that I could become Redpilled On Race hahahaha.

of course now middle class white hipsters are moving into the city after college trying to Uplift it and show the evil white flight racists that they are racists for abandoning the city hahahaaha. i thought you were supposed to get more redpilled after you left college and started working in the real world. nope not necessarily. many of 28 year old self-loathing whites trying to uplift ghetto neighborhoods hahaha.

abandoning a city eh, is that like abandoning a person hahaha. maybe what I did to her is the equivalent of a city becoming a violent black ghetto hahahaha.

seventh son makes his first appearance on the fatherland

ie seventh son is one of the big founders of TRS, showing some favor to the underlings here.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/05/11/the-fatherland-episode-26-svenpai-notice-me/

so, a big episode for the fatherland in other words. well its a great show tbhfam. really gets to the meaning of the 14 words.

horry sheet MW replied to my comment on his vidya and said thank you to ME. ssssssempai nnnnnoticed me!!!!!!!

so that legitimates my whole blog and life hahahaha. bring in a screen shot of that to all job interviews hahahaha. see this neet alt right youtuber nnnnoticed me hahaha now hire me.

 

hehehehe is it bad that I havent listened to MW regularly in at least 3 or 4 months, and only heard about this despair video on a post on TRS forum, which I also have scaled way back on?

2016-05-11_18h18_15

yeah its a shitty comment and I deleted it like 2 times only to come back with a shitty low effort comment, but I figure it was a case of something shitty was better than nothing hahaha. and now i really get to PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK for morally supporting a good guy hahahahaha.

just like I PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK for donating $6.75 to TRS, even though other men donate $14.88 every single week.

and peter steele says, dont pat yourself on the back for doing works of charity, do something good for someone, and then NEVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT.

ok I see their point, and this isn’t a bad thing to do.

I just think its ok to pat yourself on the back once in a while, especially when you dont get a lot of pats on the back IRL from others.

and besides, TRS and MW are truly good causes. not a lot of overhead your money can be wasted on, also no tax benefit for the donator.

i am sure at some point in the future I will do something nice for somebody and not brag about it hahaha.  but I am simply not that secure yet. let me get some good feelies out of this at least! its like I get to cuddle with 3dpd aryan innocent waifu to boost my morale that way!

its either bragging about charity or smoking MJ. which is more degen hahahahaha.

anyway i should go for a little powerwalk outside.

ok did that, burned 410 calories? not bad. didnt even jog once, got some sun, it was 70 degrees.  hopefully got some vitamin d, finished previous episode of fatherland.

its really COZY or COMFY, you know the pepe meme where he is wrapped up in a blanket drinking hot cocoa with a roaring fire and its is just very comfy.

http://comfyneetpepe.tumblr.com/

oh god this is great. proud comfy neets openly hating on WAGECUCKS or as he calls them, WAGIES. hey WAGIE whatcha doin? goin to WORK to make more money for bossman hahahaha. omg.

https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:http://comfyneetpepe.tumblr.com/

for posterity

anyway that had to be done by a good guy, there are schlomo merchant memes in there as well. hilarious.

http://archive.is/gRTv1

archive.is does a little better job with the format

portrays neets as alpha males who are banging wagie’s wimmin while they are at work like pathetic wagecucks hahaha getting cucked by alpha NEETs hahahaha. so ridiculous.

anyway MW needs something like this, he is too stressed. sometimes you need to get comfy. yeah I REALLY wanted to get comfy with That Woman. Cuddling with your waifu would EASILY qualify as TOP comfy. but thank GOD there are other ways to get comfy too. like smoking tons of MJ and listening to the fatherland. and when MW is not despairing, he is pretty COMFY too.

 

 

ITS IMPOSSIBLE FOR SLAVES TO ABUSE THEIR MASTERS / FEMALE PROMISCUITY IS A WAY BIGGER MORAL THREAT THAN G4Y SECS / JUST ACT LIKE U CARE THAT IM NOT DED / KNOW YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ROLE

1207

112 days NIC (not initiate contact ie email), 146 since i last talked to hcr and shit hit fan. ok.

switching back to coffee from tea here. 6 scoops.

eli the im not sure what he is computer guy talks about getting in good Mental Health, a decent talk from a charismatic guy who has given me better training than my tech-related job, and is a great resource when you are thrown to the wolves in a tech related job and have no idea what you are doing.

but yeah he is an energetic “aspie” who does not seem to be affected by despair or anxiety, he is just on a different level. but i say take the big pharma plutocrat poison if it helps you even a little bit.

but his wife got cancer at a young age and thankfully they apparently had the insurance to deal with that. i would just give up! but now she cannot have children, and eli always wanted children, so this is a big deal for him. for them! maybe she really wanted children too! why wouldnt she? most women probably want children and i cant blame them! its very natural!

anyway now he is turning down work so he can go hiking in the wilderness and deal with that issue hehehe.

he also drinks 80 ounces of coffee a day without shitting his pants constantly and freaking out, so i am jealous of that. i wish i could drink like 20 ounces of coffee without shitting my pants hahahaha.

heh you would think being abandoned is something men do to women more. they probably do.

im not sure shes a NARCISSIST but abandoning someone like this is a very narcissistic thing to do.

silent treatment is different than a COOLING OFF PERIOD

because after the cooling off period they eventually come back and talk to you.

i kinda wanted to let her know this was WRONG, you cant DO this to people EVER, i was DEVASTATED when she did this to me.

then i thought, well shes not gonna respond; i still wanna get together with her; still luv her; AND she might say “WELL THATS YOUR FAULT. YOU DIDNT HAVE TO BE SO HURT. DONT GET FEELINGS SO HARD AND FAST. NOT MY PROBLEM. WE DIDNT ACTUALLY DATE, YOU CLINGY NEEDY PSYCHO.”

wihtout recognizing that that is irrelevant, you still dont do this to poeple, and SHE OUGHTTA KNOW.

hehehe you outta know, i am alanis morisette.

only i am not a degenerate who sucks off guys and drinks loads in a public theatre hahahahaha

well she can prob figure out that its wrong to give someone the silent treatment like this…..

shit i might go for an outdoor walk, just for 1 hour though.

anyway the CONSENSUS of REASONABLE PEOPLE would say you dont end ANY kind of relationship, even a Friendship on the Outs, by avoidng and ignoring the other person; and especially continuing to ignore them when they BEG you to respond to the them. the consensus of common sense is, this SPEAKS VOLUMES abotu THEM, not YOU. mainly that they are a weak coward who cant face life hahahaha. they are telling you they are nowhere NEAR mature enough to be in a rel with you.

also, BEGGARS CANT ABUSE THEIR MASTERS. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. SLAVES CANT ABUSE THEIR MASTERS.

also i wanted to say that 8chan/pol moans abotu WOESY being a degenerate because of his gay past and technical Bisexuality. they just dont care that he is anti gay degeneracy and that he is probably MORE hetero than homo.

and what i would say is……. HETERO WOMEN ARE WAY MORE DEGENERATE THAN HOMO MEN.

or…..to put the focus on the behavior: promiscuity in hetero women is way more degenerate than gay sex.

in other words, neoreactionaries are quick to condemn f4ggots as degenerate and i am sure many gays certainly are, with their glory holes and standard fook parties and g4y 4n41 fisting and such, but what about the loving nonpromiscuous monogamous gays hahahaha.

the point is, the most DANGEROUS and PREVALENT form of degeneracy is Average MOdern women SLUTTING IT UP in their 20s. this happens WAYYYYYY more and is WAYYYY more destructive than gay men being gay. theres simply not that MANY gays or gay sex.

in other words, FEMALE PROMISCUITY IS A WAY BIGGER MORAL THREAT THAN GAY SECS.

yet women dont understand this! women, have have the BIGGER risks than men for secs, dont understand the way their own bodies work! you have to mansplain their own bodies to them! this is so frustrating and makes them seem so dumb and infantile!!!!!

shit i could be DEAD for all she knows. we might have been on the outs, but didnt she care enough about me to know if i was DEAD or not? that hurts.

i would never do this to someone. even if i wanted to break someone elses heart but couldnt. i wouldnt just break any persons heart as a substitute!

if i knew the person for 2 and half years and they were so upset they quit our mutual job, i would Reach Out to them (fook i hate that term) and say “come on. lets work this out. i dont want you to quit your job because of me. we can figure this out. lets talk about it and try to get along with each other. dont quit your job. thats a big deal. lets work together here. lets dialogue” hahahaha. ”

dont quit your job because of me, dont k yourself because of me, dont self destruct because of me hahahahahha

nope. absolutely no concern for me. like i say i could be DEAD for all she knows. would she even care?

maybe she would, maybe she wouldnt. she probably would a little but wouldnt express it even if i begged her to. then she would know i wasnt dead hahahaha.

file this under being treated humanely and respectfully,like a human being. you dont have to love me. just act like you care that im not dead.

woooaaaaahoaaaaaaaa ahm still alive whoooaaaawhoooaaaa

now i understand this song hahaha. im not dead, im still alive. same as her! heh it would hae been easier if she just K’d me. cuz damn i am still alive. i am alive as FOOK but i feel like the living dead.

slutty women are HARMFUL TO SOCIETY AS A WHOLE. makes it more chaotic and degenerate. increases fatherlessness.

male promiscuity is nothing to encourage, but female promiscuity is way more harmful. also, if we stop female promiscuity, then male promiscuity wil be stopped as a result. you cant have male promiscuity wihtout female promiscuity.

sex is something that women HAVE that men WANT. essentially sex is synonymous with Vag, NOT with P33n0r.

and WOMEN dont understand this. but they dont NEED to understand it, thats still how they operate.

its not a risk that can be removed by society. (well, it can be DISCOURAGED by society!). meaning, womens NATURAL REPORDUCTIVE ROLE is to be the CARRIER OF CHILDREN; and men are the depositers of sperm. this is the way its ALWAYS been, and its NEVER GONNA CHANGE.

KNOW YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ROLE.

so women can pretend they are the same as men and go out and fook promiscuously………that doesnt change a DAMN thing about those roles. they can STILL get pregnant, men never will. you dont even NEED to attach morality to it (although I certainly like to!!!!!!!!!) even from a totally amoral, utilitarian, total utility to society, the greater good type of standpoint, women slutting it up is NOT GOOD. and SHOULD be shamed and judged.

hahahaha maybe i am just reading the worst articles, and then the WORST sluts come out and comment on them.

maybe normal, average women DO understand this, their reproductive role, which is a fancy way of saying, women get pregnant, men impregnate them, so if youre a woman, BE EXTRA CAREFUL.

but among progressive, educated, middle class j00 york times readers……common sense is not so common.

did a 3 mile walk, 1 hour, not bad. good to do in the middle of the day hahaha. will of course go back to Fat Club later tonight.

I saw a guy at the Club i vaguely know. i know him but he doesnt know me really. he was really friendly and everybody loved him because he was awesome and nice and smart and probably a good mentor and role model.  he enjoys his job and enjoys life and was well respected at his job. instructor of business & marketing ok. he probably has an MBA, you gotta have a masterz degree to become even a part time (“adjunct”, ie 90% of all instructors) instructor.

well you say hes a loser because he is teaching at a loser college, is what people from muh oven middle class j00niversity would say. thank god i dont believe that classist crap any more hahahaha.

anyway he might recognize me if i went up to him, but i have been avoiding him, because i would say, welp, i left old job 2 years ago, then went to a higher paying “better” job, but i quit that because i am mentally unstable and couldnt handle it, and now am at rock bottom and have no goals and no prospects, who would hire a loser like me, all jobs suck, and mah medz and shrink arent really working hahahahaha.

but he was the nicest guy. i couldnt believe someone could be successful and respected, without being a cutthroat asshole. and his area was BUSINESS of all things. well, marketing. but marketing is business hahahaha.

http://takimag.com/article/spare_the_job_wreck_the_child_gavin_mcinnes/print#axzz3QknBawhl

interesting article on the Value Of Work hahahaha

well i started a job at age 16  but it was an easy job and i didnt learn much about life and did not get tough or masculine hahaha. i almost wish i had been Forced to work fast food, retail, restaurant, or really a honest mans manual labor job like carpenter or mason or something.

it really does NOT feel good to be a huge loser!

shit when will i ever make 15 bucks an hour again. cant believe i couldnt handle a woman.

couldnt handle my EMOTIONS. 30+ years old and cant handle my emotions!

well better go back to fatclub.

1208

oh when will those bigoted white males ever learn: punching UP is funny. punching DOWN is NOT funny. NOT ok. talk abotu missing the point.

2 minute exaholics video about your partner just vanishing without a word. nothing new here but its always good to hear other people say it: its their fault not yours hahaha.

ghosting, narcissists, decent vidya by a female TheRapist/AnalRapist hahahaha. no i liked this video and dont mean to make fun of her. even if she is probably a feminist lesbian hippie, not usually my preferred type of person hahaha.

but shes got a lot of videos about narcissists and rels, so i subbed hahahaha.

hehehe maybe i was the narcissist because i didnt want her to abandon me hahahaha.

in order to not be a narcissist, you have to want your loved ones to abandon youhahahaha

heh i think near the end she was really showing some Narcissistic traits like Blameshifting and Avoiding but i dont think she was a real narcissist. she was under a lot of stress and was completely emotionally unavailable to me and acted in some narcissistic ways at that time. but when things were good, she was so kind and caring and selfless she could not possibly be a real narcissist. but i wish she was better at communicating with me. you can be stressed and emotionally unavail, and still communicate.

she communicated with others. but she was invested in them, she loved them.

not a good enough excuse!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO LOVE SOMEONE TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM!!!

she could have still communicated with me even if she was not in love with me.

write an email perhaps. or one text hahahaha. or have her family or friends contact me and say shes sorry about all this.

113 days since IC ahahah. initiating contact. days NIC. 147 days since i talked to her. maybe 145 days since ive SEEN her hahaha.

she didnt always give me the silent treatment. she was just distant and made excuses not to hang out, but she still talked to me and was someone nice to me. when she started giving the official silent treatment, i totally lost it immediately. i snapped.

i guess if it were a real cooling off period, she would have eventually responded to my emails, or responded to that one after 1 month of not seeing her.

but yeah it wasnt always silent treatment. once silent treatment started, i FLIPPED OUT IMMEDIATELY. that sucked. wish i hadnt done that.

i didnt really like this one cuz she blamed the man for “forcing” his wife to become distant and kiss another man. and she thinks that silent tretment occurs because you are CRITICIZING them and they dont like it so they give you silent treatment.

i dont think i was criticizing, i was just saying im worried, we dont communicate, we dont hang out, i dont want us to be distant, i dont want to lose you, please lets work on this.

i wanted to talk, she didnt want to talk.

i wanted to try to work on the rel, she didnt want to try.

HOW DO YOU COMPROMISE WITH THIS???

what, do i just say, ok i’ll manage my expectations, and no longer want you to talk about problems.

theres no middle ground here. either you talk, even a litle bit, or you dont.

i guess talking a LITTLE BIT would be the compromise. because then you could have a short, shitty talk which doesnt get to the root of the problem, then she can say OK I TALKED, YOU HAPPY????? and you would say no because it was a short shitty talk that didnt address anything. which probably would be the type of talk we would have had.

this is why i like writing emails, because you can say everything you want to say. of course they dont have to read or respond to everything! they can ignore the more important things! like when i sandwiched important things in with small talk. she would respond ONLY to the small talk and ignore the big talk. and these were not long emails, they were just little chats at work.

obsess abotu woman during the day, obsess abotu jobs and jow useless and skillless and valueless i am durng the other parts of the day. never get a job for an adult man. if i do, not be TOUGH enough to WITHSTAND, and quit like a sensitive phaggy weak millennial sissy whos afraid of work.

did a 3 miler in the cold, try to to a 7-8 miler later tonight at fatclub.

anyway i dont think she is a true narcissist. the 2 gurls i psuedodated were more narcissistic, although they caused me less hurt (in the long run hahaha) and dumped me nicer.

she was taking a page from the narcissists cookbook, ie silent treatment and stonewalling and passive aggressive and ghosting are definitely typical textbook classic narcissist things. but i honestly dont think she was a narcissist, as much as she was overwhelmed and cowardly and Avoidant.

so shes very close with her mom. she could have her MOM email or text me. i would accept that as an apology.

but shes probably convinced her mom that i am as big of a creep as her deadbeat father hahahaha.

abandonment issues. i dont get the hate. PEOPLE HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES BECAUSE ABANDONMENT IS HORRIBLY PAINFUL. you are RIGHT to have an issue about it. it sucks and shouldnt be held against someone. unless it’s directly causing issues in your rel. like they jsut dont believe you would never abandon them, so they never trust you, and go and cheat on you hahahaha. i laugh but you know this happens a lot! you pushed me to cheat on you because i didnt trust you! even though you never did anything to show you were untrustworthy. or you did one little thing they RATIONALIZED as an excuse not to trust you. like you worked late one day! oh that settles it hes cheating on me! so its ok if i cheat on him! cuz he wasnt trustworthy!

in that case i migth mention abndonment issues as being a bad thing.

but yeah abandonment is bad and rightly causes issues.

and people need to communicate with each other to deal with issues.

anyway i just feel completely emasculated re jobs. i cant do any jobs, i cant handle the stress, i cant handle the abuse, and this is only if im LUCKY enough to get a shit job.

well fact is, I did my previous job, which was shitty, BUT there PLENTY of jobs that are just as if not more shitty, plus teh pay was not shitty.

i can see what gavin mcinnes was trying to say in that takis article above, but reading stuff like that does not boost my confidence.

what would boost my confidence is actually DOING a job like that and surviving.

basically in the current year you have to bribe your coworkers to train you how to do your job. I will pay 10 dollars for your goddam lunch if you can train me on my job during lunch. i will pay you 20 bucks if you come over after/before your shift for an hour to explain things to me and teach me things.

and this is just ridiculous. i used to study work stuff while at home so as to try to teach myself things…….but it really helps to have a teacher, just to check your work, just to give you the thumbs up and say “YEP YOURE UNDERSTANDING IT CORRECTLY.”  or, GOD WILLING, to give some god damn insight of their own, in explaining how and why.

fooking help me, tell me if im doing it right, so i can look like i know what im doing in front of the customer.

i HATE being left to look incompetent in front of a customer.

ok i took that as in a “tell me about a weakness and how you fixed it” interview question, and put it in my classic glorious interview file:

“I used to get FLUSTERED because I felt I was being left to look incompetent in front of clients, always saying, I don’t know, but let me find out for you, then put them on hold, and come back 5 to 10 minutes later with an unsatisfactory explanation. I improved this weakness by learning how to ask better questions of my callers, and also when asking for help. I needed to be detailed and clear with my level 2’s in order to get more satisfactory answers from them.  I realized the responsibility was on me: I could only get explanations that were as good as the information I supplied them. I also I would go back and study the case and the relevant documentation after my shift so that I understood the issue and its impacted systems, fully, before the start of my next shift. ”

shit bitch. hahahaha. beat that. bribe bitches to train you on your job. because you cant ask questions abotu your job during your shift, because youre supposed to be doing your job. and you cant ask questions of other people during their shifts, cuz theyre supposed to be doing THEIR job. not TRAINING you hahahaha.

i would be and i HAVE BEEN a great TRAINER in the past. I would HELP people, i was HAPPY to help people, cuz i know how I needed help, and i appreciated the help i got, and i knew how hard good help was to get, but it didnt ahve to be that way. so i gave great help quite a bit. people would go to the official help channels and get crapped on or ignored or led astray. i would say just do this, and just tell them this, this is the bullshit article to use which supposedly explains it, but it doesnt, so just come up with a bullshit story inspired by this article.

well sometimes people were tired or moody or tired of answering phones for 60 hours a week and could not create a bullshit story on the fly.

this wasnt a mind numbing thing where you could just turn you mind off for 8, 10, 12 hours a day. your mind had to be switched ON, and then when you survived to the end of a shift, you wanted to OBLITERATE your mind with drugs and alcohol, because it was spinning with trying to make sense out of stupid technical problems.

it was like doing hard math problems all day, on stuff you didnt really know, but your callers thought you should know, with shitty help, and no one was willing or able to check your work, so you were never sure you did shit right, until they called back and said the shit was broken again, but you would not get that call, and it would be impossible to prove if you didnt do the shit right, OR the shit just broke again, OR if it was different shit breaking but they thought it was the same.

this is the shit i found myself in because of her hahahaha.  i never would have been in that stupid job because of her.

BUT OTOH, she Helped Me Grow, because i really needed a new, more serious job. and she arguably pushed me out of my comfort zone, helped me improve as a person. helped me grow.

then pulled the rug from underneath me.

i dont necessarily regret the job. i regret meeting her hahahaha. but the job did teach me good skills. but what good are the skills if they dont help me get hired?

or if you can only get a worse job.

dat feel when you are moving down in your career over time hahahaha. i just threw away at least 8 years of my life. now i am about 15 years behind people of my age hahahahahahaha but its true haha.

well maybe only 12 or so. but at least 10 o god. not a good feel!

thats why i like women that are at least 8 years younger !

i did find a woman who is 39 or 40 who is very attractive. she aged very well. i wont say her name but she is a not quite yet internet famous writer. but she really should be married and have at least 3 kids by now. at age 39 and 40…..i mean you cant even have healthy kids with that, which makes me sad for her. she might have been a good mother. but seriously why ISNT she married with kids? which makes me think she might be a little CRAY CRAY. dumping guys, sabotaging rels, a little chad carousel mayhaps. doesn’t matter if she has some hawt right-wing views.

but yeah i would bury myself so deep in her that who ever could pull me out would be crowned king arthur hahahaha.

same as with That Woman. BECAUSE I loved her above all other women, therefore I also wanted to bang her more than any other woman!

are you ALL IN, or only 60% in?

are you 100% sure you want them and only them? or only 50%?

ask yourself these questions. i was 100% in for her.

its fine that she wasnt in even 1% for me. SHE COULDA BEEN NICER. SHE COULDA TAKEN FIVE MINUTES TO WRITE A NOTE: sorry this isnt gonna work out, i cant do this, youre a good person, i appreciate our friendship, but i cant go forward the way you want. im sorry. i give you my best wishes.

just 2 sentences would have saved me MONTHS of pain. easily.

talk about a return on investment!!!

maybe IM a narcissist! i AM pretty selfish i admit, but i HOPE im not a narcissist!

heh according to the one question narcissist test, i am. hahaha but that is bullshit.

Quiz: Are You A Narcissist?

on this quiz i got way below average. and average was below narcissist.

wow a shitty article by hip millennial feminist laurie penny on the rape accusations on hip millennial feminist degenerate porn actor james deen being a rapist, is current the NUMBER ONE article on time.com hahaha.

once laurie penny responded directly to millennial woes, who is teased cuz he wants to bang her, she told him no youre not my type hahahaha;  and once millennial woes responded directly to me when i first discovered him over a year ago and said good work lad and he said thank you to me.

this means i am famous hahahaha i am a narcissist.

well MW is a handsome man and laurie penny is an ugly “MUNTER” so she should be greatful. well shes not as ugly as lena dunham. so i am desperate enough that i would bang laurie penny. consensually of course hahaha. no im not a fooking RAPIST and i REFUSE men are as bad as these feminist COWS say we are!

anyway her star is on the rise and she is about as big as a young “journalist” can be. and her stuff is absolute poison. she is already in the middle class mainstream and i can see the Smarter College Gurls really loving her and her babykilling bullshit hahahaha. i wasted 10 minutes reading her twitter and was poisoned by bullshit and degeneracy hahaha.

well THAT WOMAN was not a disgusting feminist like this. i dont think. i would have liked to have some deeper conversations with her about these things. i caught her reading jezebel a couple times and i mansplained to her, you know you shouldnt read that because its man hating feminist marxist poison right? its pure evil, dont read it please! she just said lol and did not respond to these specifics. i honestly think she honestly thought it was just a fun thing to read, like buzzfeed and gawker………….without realizing the HORRIBLE political and moral underpinnings of this poison. i think many Millennials do this. its just fun stuff to read for people who like reading ANY kind of news or opinion. hey at least they like to read anything, they could just do instagram and snapchat and shit all day and have no interest in the world!

like youre young and you read it cuz its hip and edgy and geared towards the young. but you dont clearly understand that its insane leftist sjw marxist degenerate poison. you dont fully understand left and right yet. or you say its all the same hahahaha. and become a gayass libertarian atheist fedora neckbeard. no. any thinking person SHOULD eventually end up on the RIGHT hahaha.

although i would be very in favor if Restricting Free Trade if it meant Making American Great Again hahahaha. and then i would get a sweet 15 DAHJ building american made tvs or some shit hahaha.

as a neoreactionary, i believe there are higher values than the economic.

such as human dignity, and nationalism hahahaha. and women not being horrible whores hahaha.

you could even be a fedora atheist and agree that WOMEN BEING PROMISCUOUS IS BAD FOR SOCIETY. it leads to increased violence; more thuggish behavior from men; more chaos and disorder and instability; more fatherlessness; more heartbreak; more broken homes and bad families and bastard kids.

YOU THINK THIS IS A MOTHERFOOKIN GAME????!?!?!?!?!