ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX?!?!?!?!

oct 29

went to store. wanted to find cheapest face wash soap. have very oily face and starting to think that washing it with dial hand soap is just too harsh and may cause it to become more irritated, more oily, just beating the shit out of it. so i found “dial acne face wash” with salicylic acid. give it a try. i do not get terrible acne, but would get occasional small pimples just because the skin was so damn oily. now i dont have a problem with that per se, i know oily skin ages fairly well, so i will have decent looking skin when i am an old senior.

dial acne face wash for like 3.50, 7.5 oz bottle. pretty happy about this one folks.

really prob the best thing i could do is just wash/rinse with plain water, no soap on the face ever. period. and i might indeed go down that road when this bottle of face wash is done.

had a dream that I was face with like a 20 year old attractive nonwhite girl with brownish skin. i was like WELP I’m a white supremacist, but this gurl is being very interested in me, i COULD bang her, shes got a good body, she’s not ugly, i kinda DO want to bang her, just not make sprog mutant godforsaken abomination babies with her. yeah i will bang her good. maybe even 10 times. it will be fun.

now none of the banging happened in the dream of course hahahaha.

damn. your THIRTY FIVE year old wife with two kids wants to open your marriage now. where do these women get off? maybe a 25 year old woman, i wouldnt be so surprised. but youd think by 35, with 2 kids, she would be mature enough, and more aware of her market value, that she would stop with this hypergamous, have your cake and eat it too bullshit. do you really think youre gonna find a better man at age 35? and youre killing your poor husband cuck!

also this kind of open marriage is insulting to actual polyamorists, which i cant believe i am acknowledging!

this is simply a REAL shitty way of making an EXCUSE for, well hubby, i’m bored with you and i want to cheat and I just met a hot exciting sexy new guy i want to cheat with, so lets try an OPEN REL.  BULLSHIT.

how can she NOT SEE that he isnt gonna agree to this? how is it SO HARD for her to see that MOST people WOULD be VERY UPSET by this? youre 35 years old with a successful career and an 8 year old child!!

AND they are both seeing separate counselors, AND a marriage counselor together!!!!!!

and she still cant see that you just dont CONVINCE  (coerce) your husband into an open rel when he doesnt like the idea………..and 99.9% of men wont!!!!!!!!

i mean SHIT. even the polyamorous GUY the cheating whore was dating talked to the husband, could see how much it was hurting the husband, and broke up with the cheating whore hahahahahahahha.

thing is, there are plenty of women who have tons of casual sex and FWB’s……but they still have that moral line about CHEATING, and have never technically CHEATED.  so i am beign unfair to them with my implication that all casual sex nihilists are also cheaters!

well it IS a slippery slope, isnt it???!?!?!?!?!

sheeeeeeeit.

anyway. its very possible i dont care about a womans past, or a womans many beta harem male friends, when the gurl is OBVIOUSLY INTERESTED in spending time with me. its when they start shutting down and distancing themselves from me, and i get heartbroken and want them back but cant have them back, thats when i start complaining about all the guys shes fooked, or all her male friends that shes gonna fook, who are more sexy and exciting and fun than widdle old me.

but if the woman were ACTUALLY WITH ME for more than 3 weeks, yeah, i think i could put things in perspective and be like, welp, she’s clearly choosing to be with me. rather than making me JUMP THRU HOOPS just to buy her dinner once every two months, or MAYBE ill text you if my other plans dont work out.  when they CLEARLY make me a PRIORITY and not an OPTION. when they clearly make me an OPTION thats when i start bitching about their many other options. and especially their Priorities, who i’m butthurt they chose over me!

so yeah i honestly think i have a decent change of not being all insecure and jealous, ONCE a woman actually CHOOSES me as a priority for longer than a month!

i only get jealous AFTER I get rejected in other words. jealous that she rejects me in favor of them. thats less jealousy and just being plain BUTTHURT or sore loser. and its completely understandable! its HARD to be rejected! especially when you KNOW she is out having fun and lavishing that same shit that you enjoyed SO MUCH for 3 weeks, to some other lucky and/or BETTER guy!!!!!!!!!!

and then i think, COME ON, I’m not THAT shitty…………………………………..

……………………………or AM I????????

and then muh confidence is crushed for years hahahaha.

 

come on. shes 31. she should know how to be nicer to a guy when she dumps him. also its pathetic that he is so hung up over a 31 year old past her prime! this B’s longest rel is only 6 months, and she used to get on a plane to fook a guy before she met this beta guy. thats a good show of effort, when the girl is willing to put forth THAT much WORK, to FLY to see you, regularly.

thing is, they CAN show effort. they CAN be nice. you’ve seen them do it before, you’ve experienced them being nice to YOU before! so why cant they even be 1% as nice when they decide to dump you? be like this just isnt working out, its not you its me, youre not a bad guy, youre a great guy, this is my fault, you can blame me, im sorry, im the bad guy here, but yeah its over because youre not a priority for me and im choosing other guys over you, but its just because i dont want to put in the effort, youre not my type, im sorry to string you along and lead you on and give you false hope, you deserve a loyal and loving woman, and thats not me, im sorry, have a good life, heres at least 100 dollars worth of MJ to help you get through this, and here’s a shrink you can email who will act as my surrogate/representative. the end. hahahahahaha.

that might be a good idea too. hire a shrink to open a new email address and then monitor it and relay messages to the woman, and or shut down any “creepiness” with Firm And Direct statements. the shrink could do the email for 15 minutes a week, 4 weeks, for like 50 dollars.

shirnks or social workers have the communication skills that normal people DONT. so you should pay PROFESSIONALS to handle Breakups, in other words!

why do so many normies do things that you really need PROFESSIONALS to do?

why do you need to go to GRADUATE SCHOOL and become a PROFESSIONAL just to have a Human Relationship???????

i smell jooish stench here hahahahaha.

i dont REALLY think you DO need to go to grad school to have a rel, in other words.

well i mean MEN, because women never have to do any work in rels………..and thats FAIR. dont get mad about that.

i have EIGHTEEN full time years of education. shouldnt that be enough to get me 26k a year?

NO!!!!! you arent ENTITLED to anything!!!! you have WORK to IMPROVE yourself!!!!

well thats what I’m SAYING! i DID do a known quantity of work to improve myself: 18 years of education. isnt that GOOD ENOUGH to warrant, to ENTITLE me, to a 26k job?

NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

you hear stories of people who do millions of first dates but no second dates because the women are so terrible and unattractive. then i think, wow, now THAT WOMAN is one of those forgettable first dates for a number of men. yet i havent forgotten about her!!!!

what was so special about her?

well she was super nice to me and wanted to hang out with me and thought i was cool! that was a big confidence boost, AND she was a real nice person and I thought, hey, I LIKE hanging out with such a nice person! see, women arent all MONSTERS!!!!!!! what a good, nice person! this is exactly the type of person i want in my life! i should hang out with her more!

hehehehehe.

hehehehe id like to meet that dad. yoga pants ARE vulgar and they DO make women look like whores and it IS disappointing!

well him looking at porn is degen of course. but SHE, who doesnt have a problem with porn, has a problem with HIM watching porn because it means hes a hypocrite.

no, it just means he likes jerking off to dirty whores! he just doesnt want his daughter to dress like a dirty whore!

meanwhile she is a successful 25 year old career woman, completely financially independent, oooooo what a SUCCESSFUL, strong independent woman who dont need no man, no husband, no father!

he hates promiscuity yet BENEFITS from it by watching porn!

is he REALLY benefitting?

and is it REALLY promiscuous?

are you saying its BAD to be promiscuous?

are you saying PORN is BAD?

the moron doesnt even know what she’s saying.

”  “Women who wear yoga pants look like sluts.” is not a logical position, it’s an emotional one, and emotions are difficult to change.  ”

OF COURSE ITS A LOGICAL POSITION!!!!!!! YOU CAN SEE THEIR DAMN ASS AND GENITALS AS IF THEY ARE COMPLETELY NAKED AND SHOWING IT OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yeah that does make people emotional…….for a logical reason. the root cause is logical.

o come on. you think ALL those religious pray the gay away homophobes are all jerking off to “lesbian porn?”

NOT EVERYBODY FOOKING WATCHES PORN, YOU FOOKING VULGAR DEGEN NIHILISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women haters, not all homophobes, not all religious sex-haters,  not all PEOPLE watch PORN!!!!!

stop ASSUMING everybody watches porn!! THEY DONT !!!!!!!

what kind of degen world do these people live in, where everybody watches porn and that behavior is normal???

these reddit women like to point out they will be SEXUALIZED no matter what kind of clothes they were, that they will be Catcalled if they wear a burka or yoga pants.

i cant help but think this is bullshit. yeah some perverted men will catcall and harass women in burkas, but wearing yoga pants is just gonna get you a LOT MORE attention, plus it shows that you ENJOY that attention. that you are actively ENCOURAGING that attention, not DISCOURAGING that attention, which is what dressing modestly does.

but yeah when you show basically your naked body to strangers, dont be suprised when people approach you like you want to get fooked. dont advertise your damn practically naked body. and get mad when men treat and look at you sexually. idiot.

heh. thats one reason i liked that woman. she NEVER wore yoga pants or anything slutty.

THAT I KNOW OF. what if she dressed like a TOTAL slut when she was out doing her thing.

it doesnt matter!!!!!

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX??????

oct 30

i am very happy with the new dial acne control face wash for managing muh oily face, without drying it out and abusing it.

heh. i just ASSUME the sweet jobs i interviewed for early in the week will not call me back. nope. i still need to pay more dues, do more interviews, 27 is not enough, im not good enough even for a PART TIME job. i would totally take the part time job because its a way to just get used to working and gradually build your confidence. where throwing you to the wolves for 50 hours a week will destroy your confidence and that terrifies me. in make or break situations, i tend to get broken hahahahaha.  in sink or swim, i tend to sink hahahaha.  so why do all working situations need to be sink or swim? because thats what WORK IS. kinda like joining the MARINES hahahahaha.

then how do SO MANY people DO it? who would probably flunk out of the MARINES?

cuz they dont mind lying and bullshitting and giving shitty service to angry customers and saying not my problem, cant help you, you dont have to like it, goodbye.

heh. when i havent found a “good” person, i always worry that i would have “grass is greener” syndrome, and women have certainly seemed to have it with ME, have no problem dumping me for for exciting men. but when i find someone “good,” i am fully committed. all in. and then i get quickly dumped for greener grass hahahahaha and heartborken for 2 years.

they alway mention loveisrespect.org hahahaha. if men acted like that, they would get dumped for being boring doormat pussy omega sissy unmasculine cucks. you have to DOMINATE at least a little bit.

but in my sensitive sissy heart, i LIKE that loveisrespect stuff. i want a women to accept me for my sissy self.

”  YOUR RESULT:
Your Love Language:
👐 Physical Touch
Hugs and kisses are so much better than any present, right? You are hopelessly romantic and could never date or marry someone who doesn’t like to snuggle on the couch or in bed each night. You enjoy holding hands anywhere and everywhere and think there is nothing sweeter than seeing an elderly couple doing the same. You understand that life is short and the best things in life are free!   ”

this is the result of my Love Languages test.

was not expecting this, i expected something more with talking or writing.

well, i do like cuddling, spanning time, hanging out, but i hate sex hahahahaha.

so yeah . take this physical language shit to mean that i take cuddling very seriously. and i do. but i dont need to fook 10 times a week, or right away.

YOU NEED THERAPY hahahahaha

hehhehe a 30 year old guy who keeps getting dumped by a 40 year old woman with kids. WOW thats gotta be rough. you cant even keep a 40 year old woman with kids from dumping you.

never mind a 25 year old woman with no kids and low number!!!!!!!

maybe she can use all the money she makes to buy herself a good man hahahahahahahahahahaha

because a 7/10 25 yo white woman with no kids needs to BUY a man with money hahahahahaha.

so a guy gets drunk and smacks a girl dressed like a slut at a halloween partys ass, and all the harpies on reddit say ITS SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!! RAPEY!!!!!! and i am downvoting them all hahahahaha.

like your BF never got drunk and smacked a girls ass before!

i never did, but i dont see how its the end of the world.

these reddit women, think EVERYTHING is SEXUAL ASSAULT.

oh good luck if you want to be going out with DONALD TRUMP. does he grab women by the pvssy too? donald trump SEXUALLY ASSAULTS WOMEN!!!!!!!

real life women actually believe this!

well real life women will believe anything the Controlled Media tells them……..or a strong dominant man tells them!

you just say, boys will be boys, baby, and then smack her ass and plow her hard hahahahahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeit.

how to stay cool under pressure. blacks do it. aint no thang but a chikun wang. ok great. how about some WHITES who are cool under pressure. like AUSTRALIANS. they just say she’ll be all right mate, and continue to bantz each other and call each other cvnts and drink vb’s. nothing BOTHERS or FLUSTERS them.

yep i totally understand those feels even though i have not been in that same situation really, but i have seen women choose other guys after dumping me and i would get mad and jealous cuz i really wanted to spend some more time with them and i felt they ended my “turn” WAYYYYY too soon.

again my horrendous sense of entitlement! im not ENTITLED to be with a woman longer than…..5 dates? 8 dates? however many “dates” we had. i think is a more accurate way of expressing it than 3 weeks or 2 month or whatever. cuz its not like we were hanging out more than once a week, once every 2 weeks. always an uphill battle trying to get them to make time for me.

they were never THAT interested in me! it was VERY casual! i mean really, That Woman, even though were never had Casual (or uncasual) secs, she was WAY more Interested in me, because she was willing to talk to me and hang out with me over a period of several years! when the other women were DONE with me in a matter of 2 months at most!

anyway when i went to the social thing, there were attractive 25 year old women there in the audience. i should have Chit Chatted with them. but thats hard to do when you are an unemployed 35 year old who makes less than 26k a year! 25 year old women make 40k a year!

see this is the type of stuff i shouldnt be writing about, its pointless, its Counter Productive hahahaha. its destructive and negative. writing like this got me into the mess im in now!

but yeah. in other words, i think i COULD be not super insecure about “muh gf” having tons of male friends, having 10+ previous secs partners, AS LONG AS she put in a good faith effort to SHOW me that I was the priority and not them. I never had that before.

oh, i put in a good faith effort, but we were hanging out and drinking, and one thing led to another, and i fell onto his dick, please forgive me hahahahaha.

heh. i probably would, because my expectations are so low: oh i cheated on you, no i dont want your forgiveness, in fact, im just gonna leave you for him right now. insult to injury. cheated and dumped. no remorse.

just because you dump your bf immediately after cheating on him doesnt mean your cheating wasnt cheating!

im not even talking to anyone in particular, im talking to a fictional hypothetical woman doing a hypothetical shitty thing!

shit spirals hahahaahaha.

ok well heres something good. i could easily look up that womans name in google, and see what comes up, or i could look at the front page of her facebook and instagram page, seeing a current photo of her in other words, possibly with new foccbois, possible black hahahaha. i could be looking for her on okcupid (well, i did look at her once long ago on OKC, but never since) or plenty of fish or whatever. but i havent done ANY of this. at the very least, google her name, or look at her FB profile picture. but no. i have not done any of that! give me a reward! hahahahaha.

in SOME states you can get medical MJ card for anxiety. maybe even depression. actually no.

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/qualifying-conditions-for-medical-marijuana-by-state

cant tell.

anyway. GIVE ME A CHANCE. give me a chance to show that i wont get too jealous or controlling about your male friends. show me that you like me MORE than all your male friends and wont give up on me after a few weeks! and maybe i wouldnt be so goddam suspicious about womens male friends! sheeeeeeeeeeit.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/09/this-is-what-is-really-wrong-with-casual-sex/

 

http://www.debate.org/opinions/is-casual-sex-wrong

heh

https://www.thetrumpet.com/article/7750.24.131.0/society/the-emotional-corrosion-of-casual-sex?preview

religious source though but still very valid article hehehehe

i just want a woman who takes sex SERIOUSLY and who does NOT like casual sex! is that so much to ask? women SHOULD take sex seriously, they can get fooking pregnant! but many of them have a CASUAL attitude towards ABORTION as well!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!!

and then these DISGUSTING ANIMALS go on to have successful careers, and then they have longterm rels, get married, have children, all the things i want to do!!!!!!!!1

i shouldnt have to google “why is casual sex wrong” to find the PERFECT argument so i can CONVINCE a woman not to have casual sex!!!!!!

and then everything near the top is like cosmo and jezebel and thebustle and womens magazines talking about how fun casual sex is and how all women should experiment with a casual sex phase in their 20s. have fun! sow your wild oats!

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

and when you sow degenerate wild oats…….uhhh you get degenerate wild oats years later. its NOT A GOOD THING.

maybe i would be different f i had a casual sex wild oats period and had fooked 10 women, but i havent, and so it is what it is! you dont have to LIKE it!

 

so jealous of this guy who has massive emo and abandonment issues and will never get a woman…………………………………….. BUT AT LEAST HE MAKES GREAT MONEY and he doesnt seem in danger of losing or quitting his job.

well…..actually he IS very anxious about his job, has big anxiety in general. probably GAD hahahaha.

oct 31

i just hate being put in positions where i have to CONVINCE and EXPLAIN things that are VERY confusing and that I dont understand, to frustrated people. yes, I SWEAR I cannot fix this, your manager has to fix this. so he said to call us? well he’s wrong, we can’t fix this, he has to fix this. he’s not doing his job. so you called us and we fixed it 3 months ago? hmm. do you have the case number hahahahaha. oh you dont then we cant help you. we have no record of that. no im not calling you a liar. im just saying we have no record of your call. no you cant speak to my manager. he’ll tell you the same thing. that your manager is wrong and that if your manager has any questions, he should speak to HIS manager. oh his manager said that WE have to fix this? well they’re BOTH wrong. have your managers manager speak to HIS manager. no they cant speak to my manager. NOBODY can speak to my manager! where are these policies written down? they’re NOT, because they change every day. we have no record of any policies. the policies are always changing and as of right now, the policy is that we dont fix it. no we dont have that in writing. it is what it is. you dont have to like it. you dont like it? find a new job. your customers dont like it? we dont want their money, they can find a new provider. oh thats a known issue. it will be fixed in a future software update. no timeline. hopefully soon, but cant make any promises or speculation. so your customers waiting? then ask your manager to approve a discount, or they can go somewhere else.

this kind of bullshit just both frustrates me and makes me panic. i mean what do you SAY in these difficult situations? similarly i dont want to do something where I regularly have to give really bad news. like no we are not covering this prescription for your cancer ridden mother, why, well because my manager said so, no you cant speak to them, they are unavailable. good luck watching your mother die! is there anything else i can HELP YOU WITH today?

that kind of bullshit. where i want to be straight with people but i dont have the info and i dont have the help. at those points i will gladly throw my superiors under the bus to show sympathy for the customer/caller.

also you cant say that you stayed and worked off the clock to be more efficient with your time, because no manager is going to Officially Approve of you working off the clock. because what if you hurt yourself at the workplace, but off the clock?

well then maybe they would have a legal case saying YOU SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN THERE, so they are not gonna pay for your treatment.

but yeah, you shouldnt admit to staying off the clock to finish your work. i guess this doesnt apply to exempt salary jobs, when you are technically on the clock all your life. we dont punch a clock here.

anyway youre just telling the manager that you dont work quickly and efficiently enough, that you need extra time (ie extra money) and that you arent as good as employees that get all their work done in the time allotted. youre SLOW.

i mean still stay after you punch out and do work for free so you can suck up and try to look good, but you just cant brag about it as a way to help you get the job.

i mean i already candy coat shit and try to sell myself as some confident miracle worker who is really good at explaining confusing shit to angry customers.

you can say that when you go home you study work related material in your free time so you can do your job more efficiently. that’s less sketchy than staying around after punchout to “do extra work for free”. so i do say that i do a lot of studying on my free time.

well how do i explain that i didnt want to go to GRAD SCHOOL. you just dont simply dont want to go to grad school. should i say i applied and was rejected? then you look like a loser failure. you got rejected from grad school, why shouldnt you get rejected from jobs?

and i didnt even get rejected from grad school, i simply didnt apply, because i didnt really want to go! and also i felt that i WOULD get rejected because i didnt have enough good references or undergrad research/honors/thesis/internship experience!

ok applied to 3 jobs. no chance. 1 fedgov job (32k), 2 state jobs (34k, 39k). i mean i wish i could just bring up a list of 32k jobs, shit 26k jobs, and just apply for those. but less than half of jobs tell you what the pay is, unless its a govt job like these.

ok 4th job. local auto dealer. accounting clerk. sheeeeeeeeit.

i get more angry and hateful when i am more productive hahaha. i just hate everyone and everything. all these normie morons who can get and keep jobs but i cant. what the fook do they WANT from me? so yeah even though its good to be productive to do job apps……is it really good if i am kinda half assing them, tyring to go as fast as possible, in 14 minutes per, plug and play the right “variables”, etc, go through the motions, feel some anger, these phaggots, these sluts, these normies, i just want to make 26k a year and smoke MJ every day hahahahaha, maybe fook some 25 year old sluts, and evangelize to them to luv their race and never mudshark again.

cluster c personality disorders. including avoidant personality disorder which i probably have. heh. i remember when i was 20 i was like OH GOD i hope i dont have a personality disorder, that would REALLY suck.

yeah well i prob only had garden variety anxiety back then………NOW i have a full blown personality disorder hahahaha. all because i was too cowardly to go see a shrink at age 20.

yeah well i started seeing a shrink at age 26, maybe 25………thats not too bad eh?????

its really not, hahahaha. good for me!!! hahahaha.

the idito bitches in reddit think that MUH EDUCATIONNNNNNN is the answer to everything. as if two short years and 200 measly dollars in tuition will suddenly skyroket you from 13 an hour to 15 an hour HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

some good covers on here! but would like to hear more “covers” of stuff from his latest two ambient albums, which i think he could have spent a LITTLE more time and effort on hahahahaha to make them SOUND BETTER.

 

heheh the flipside of what happened to me. he is confused and a little upset sure but he doesnt GHOST her. he is confused and doesnt know what to do, but he doesnt want to block her from his life without any explanation.

great response:

”   ]acox1701 7 points 4 hours ago
It would probably help if you have another conversation with her- after you sort through your feelings and what you want.
A million times this.
Not responding to her at once is not a dick move, unless OP literally said nothing. It’s bound to be upsetting, but one cannot reasonably be expected to react to such a thing on zero notice.
OP, figure out your shit, and sit her down. Negotiate things. Ask her if it’s hurting her to be around you, and then trust her answer. Tell her that if she changes her mind, to let you know.
Negotiate your friendship like an international arms treaty. That sounds odd, but a lot of relationships, romantic or otherwise are based on a vast number of underlying assumptions, and this relationship has just had all of those swept away. You and she need to reestablish them, together, so that you can continue.
Important topics to bring up:
Does she expect you to return her affection? Does she want you to?
Do you want to return her affection? Would you be willing to explore it, or are you unwilling to take the risks that would entail for your current social scene?
Do you need to spend a few months separate from each other? Could you quietly communicate before events so one or the other stays home from some or all things? Can you both be respectful of the other’s occasional need to stay home, or request the other stay home? Can you both be cool about it?
You are going to want to avoid teasing, touching, or flirting with her. Make sure she knows this, and is aware that you’re trying to not cause her any inner turmoil, or false hope, or similar. She may insist that she’s OK with it. (I’d rather be teased by my crush, with no hope of it going anywhere, than to be ignored, but I’m a sad, pathetic little man)
All things on the table. Talk it out, then you can both get on with your lives.   ”

heheheh. saving that in case i ever get feelings for a friend again, so i can print that out, give it to them, and say, lets talk about THESE THINGS.

i would give the guy REDDIT GOLD if reddit was worth supporting hahahaha.

ok finally applied to 5th job, that is enough for today hahaha.

it was tricky, since problems with router again hehehe. or wireless card. have to restart computer just to get the wireless connection back. i dont know if the problem is in the wireless card or in the router. cant be determined. cant be fixed. sorry. is there anything else i can help you with today?

i dont know what to tell you, and no you cant speak to a more experienced person. no, you cant speak to the person i am getting advice from. hes not even in my office. he is scheduled to be in a chat room for the next 4 hours. also he’s never wrong, his judgement is INFALLIBLE.

yeah i admit his job is not fun either. having to stay in this chat room and give advice to the squealing piggies, the level 1s. but its better than being the level 1’s on the phone with the customers who dont know what theyre doing!

i dont know what to tell you. other than i can do nothing, i cant transfer you to someone better, and hopefully this problem goes away on its own.

heh. i never thought that going on DISABILITY would ever be a realistic thing hahahahaha.

i dont want to be disabled! i just want to work like a normie and not SNAP!!!!!!

applied for 6th job, that was a little excruciating hehehe. but it only t0ok 23 minutes with an average of 14 hehehe.

i mean its hard not to be perfectionistic, when you have to be PERFECT to have any success!

or you cant mentally check out at your job becuase your quality will slip because your job takes perfect concentration and intense skill! so you cant not have measurably bad quality when you are having a bad day! because the worse your mood is, the worse your work is, and your supervisors immediately notice that you are not longer performing at the minimum!!!!

how do you GET AWAY with half assing your work, in other words?

 

oh this BEAUTIFUL young man! he is in college and everyone is having casual sex, but he is not interested, he thinks sex is something SPECIAL!!!!!!!!

OH YOURE ADORABLE.

the sad thing is that there ARE wimmin in uni that really DO want a rel, and DONT like casual secs. and i totally fooked it up and didnt TRY hard enough to find them !!!!!!!

applied for unheard of 7th job. at a fairly well known company. choice employer, like top tier shit that i have no chance of getting an interview. so why even apply. waste 13 minutes applying. well maybe 30 minutes and i could have tailored the shit REAL nice. but i didnt.

i mean underachieving losers dont get jobs at GOOD companies, they get jobs at BAD companies, if they get jobs at all.

might go to fatness club today for first time in months.

 

well this is kinda a big deal, the first release from deathspell omega in 4 years. kewl cover tho bro. hopefully its not all wankish spaghetti and jerking off hahahahahah. hasjarl decides he’s tired of making 200k a year with his donald trump real estate business, and probably having rels with solid 8/10’s, to make music like its 2005 again hahahahaha.  i have not listened to this yet, yeah i will give it a proper listen i guess. i mean why not. i like mikko aspa hahahahahaha. synarchy of molten bones, what does that even MEAN. i bet they just have a damn drum machine. there is no mystique hahahahaha. [citation needed hahahaha]

im just jelly that hasjarl can make good money at a normie job. i am jelly of any musician who does that. you get to be successful at work OR music, not BOTH. pick one AND ONLY ONE.

like these stupid musicians that get phds, or they have good jobs. i bet thats the reason dso never tours, is that he’s got a good job but its not so good that he can get weeks off at a time to play shows.

no i really have no idea. i do hope the album isnt a goddamn noisy overtechnical mess hahahahaha. how about some riffs and and melodies and not 600000000000000000 wanky bits slapped together. i thought that stuff was kewl when i was 25 hahahahaha but not anymore. so write riffs like you were 20 years old again, mannnnnn. and let mikko turn you into a nationalist. and let me make mikko into a HUHWHYTE nationalist hahahahaha.

no that really is a pretty good cover art tho.

but satan satan satan oooh orthodox esoteric satanism whoooooooo spoooooopy hahahahaha. who cares. he knows his shtick has gotten old hahahahahaha.

no i dont know why i am such an asshole to him hahahaha. prob just jelly. that he’s a normie nonvirgin nonnevergf AND he makes very influential music and he can get mikko to hang out with him. actually i BET mikko just stays in finland and records his vocals in his own “studio” and sends them to DSO aka “hasjarl.”

I DONT TRUST ANYONE WHOS NOT A NEVERGF. THESE NONNEVERGF NORMIES!!!!!!!!

I HATE NONVIRGINS AND NONNEVERGFS hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

and EVERYONE is either a nonnevergf or especially a nonvirgin!

well technically even I am a nonvirgin hahahaha. so i got that going for me hahaha.

6 jobs in 1 day, havent applied to a job in 10 days hahahaha. although i did have 3 interviews in that time, MOTHER FOOKER hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeit found rare ass FT job at big local employer. they have like 3 FT jobs a year, a ridic low number considering the number of employees and customers. used to work an easy job here for years. would LOVE to get another easy PT job just as kinda training wheels for me right now…….but i cant even get a PT job there yet. interviewed for  3 PT jobs there, turned down each time, have 4th pt job interview there this week. getting FT job there would be RIDICULOUS. to think i had a bigass chance at that TWO YEARS AGO. i remember talking about it with that woman. she said ohhh i really hope you get it. i really wanted to get it too!

took half dose of nyquil.

so, 8 jobs today. that is ridic damn good. not my highest ever but close. certainly a relative high, because i am lucky to get 4 done on one day. and havent done ONE in TEN days hehehehe. like a lazy NGR hahahahaha.

but yeah the job was open for like 2 weeks and it closes in 2 days and i was frustrated because this was the first i was seeing it because there is no way to get damn email alerts for these jobs. you either check the companies jobs sites or YOUR SCREWED. these jobs do NOT show up on indeed. ive set up indeed alerts for this company and get NOTHING.

well i bet they do that intentionally, to not get 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 applicants. not like you need the best of the best to do this 33k job. but i see that and i am like THIS IS PERFECT, get instant hardon. get a WAY bigger hardon for a 33k job than a 34k, 35k, or 40k job. closer to 26k, the better of a chance i have!

so yeah i applied for that the instant i saw it.

also cannot find the job on careerbuilder OR monster. ONLY the goddam company website itself.

heh. this is EXACTLY the type of job they would promise to some pt slob on the inside, but they HAVE To post it because rules. well….i shouldnt say pt slob, becuase the the pt slob deserves this job.

but i am a little butthurt that i worked there pt for FIVE YEARS and couldnt get an FT job there. just because i was an idiot who didnt PUSH hard enough.

and then when i PUSHED with that woman, i totally blew that.

i just dont know when to push and when not to push!

well shit. if i got another pt job there, i would PUSH alot harder! but getting a pt job there is not easy either!

weird thing is, i would get emails about jobs when i was a pt there………..but i dont remember many ft jobs that werent on the website. which was like 2 a year hahahaha.

so i shoulda PUSHED the HR department, and been like, put me on The List. Get me in The Pool. talk to my manager if you need approval.

they dont want to have alerts for their jobs, because that means more resumes to read!!!!!!!

and you are gonna find a good enough candidate whether you read 100 resumes or 1000. so that the Marginal value of reading one more resume drastically drops off after like # 100. what is that number? might even be #70 hahaha.

i tell you its NOT 1000!!!!!!!!

closer to 100 than it is to 1000!!!!!!

i mean this org does not have a ton of employees from muh university…..because the assholes from muh university go to much more presitigous places and wouldnt be caught dead working here!!!!

THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

hg

hgh

ghghghgh

ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.

 

 

 

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 25

ok when i get muh 15 emails every morning with job stuff, i should SET THE TIMER and go through those in 30 minute chunks and then basically log and keep track of that time. because it does take valuable time is money. and i should measure that timemoney for muh job search metrics hahahaha. spreadsheetz.

so, start the timer, go in 30 maybe 40 minute increments, and keep track of that time! dont just look at the list of emails and groan and go through them without keeping track of your VALUABLE 14 DOLLAR AN HOUR TIME! USE THE CASH CLOCK!!!!!

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

SET IT TO 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

heh. note to self and others: if you think you can make “bulletproof coffee” with cold or cool coffee, think again hahahaha. i thought i could somehow “whip” muh spreadable butter into the coffee if i stirred it vigorously enough. now there are just many disgusting little blobs of butter in the coffee hahahaha.

maybe a blender would work better?

dsw shoe place sucked, my next place is jcpenney. jcp does not have Crocs tho hahahaha. they do have nike and adidas and new balance running shoes tho.

ok the cool coffee with blobs of butter was so gross that i had to microwave it hehehehe.

i used to go to kohls as muh main one stop department store but i might become a jcpenneys man hahahaha. i have been dissatisfied with kohls for a few years. plus mr kohl himself is a LITERAL JOO. plus their sonoma store brand, the pants never fit well, even though just looking at them they look good.

what about MACYS. what about BURLINGTON hahahaha. i dont really luv shopping but i dont really luv looking like a neet virgin either!

but since i am always losing or gaining weight, all my clothes are either too big or too small.

yeah that gris 2007 album IEUF is more up my alley than their 2013 album. production wise at least. it is more black metal. im not crapping on the 2012 album, i just want soething more black metally right now.

singer sounds really good still, guitars are more black metally, drums sound good. 2013 album, no real problem with, but I am SUCH an AUTISTE about production that if the production isnt PERFECT, I cant even listen to it. so the 2007 album is more perfect sounding to my autist ears than the 2013 album. which isnt bad and could certainly be a grower. i cant crap on gris, they have an obviously great style.

yesterday i thought that infamous blackgaze phaggot NEIGE sort of looks like That Woman. ok i just watched a video of him and….not really. he does have really nice long hair like she did though hahaha. and a big nose like she does. he sorta looks like nick cage tho. did SHE look like nick cage? that might be enough to turn me off of her hahahaha. Nick cage is weirdly handsome but i dont want a woman who looks like nick cage.  or neige.

i remember listening to “ecailles de lune” when it first came out (2010???) and i was like wow this is pretty neat, very atmospheric. back then “blackgaze” was not even a word. and i was impressed with neiges screaming voice. it was a decent straight up “depressive shrieking” which is a lot like what gris does.

now neige was never really “depressive.” at all. but its probably not a stretch to say maybe some of his stuff was more “melancholy.”

heh being with that woman brought me to that magical nostalgic peaceful fantasy world alcest is always going on about.

if im reading this correctly, its that neige never even listened to shoegaze until people kept telling him his music sounded pretty shoegazey, then he discovered slowdive and went all in with his shelter album. so, in other words, like one reviewer says, neige invented blackgaze “by accident.”

i noticed that when i heated up the disgusting butter blob coffee in the microwave, the butter melted and STAYED MELTED even as the mixture cooled off to around room temperature. i thought it might turn back to blobs. nope.

ok now what if you melted the butter in the microwave, then poured it into cool coffee? room temp coffee?  my goal is to have it NOT turn into blobs!

ok made the phone call to the auto service before the end of the day like i was wanting to. i still hate making phone calls! there is a recall due to air bags. i can get it repaired fo free but have been putting it off. normies have to take an unpaid day off work and risk getting FIRED whenever they need to get their car fixed hehehe. i can do this anytime, because i am a jobless neet, but i was afraid to make the call. well today i called them finally. it was either that or go to jcpenney.

looks like my nemesis KOHLS has crocs. why am i so fascinated by crocs. they are ridiculous. are you supposed to wear socks with them? because i would use them as sandals and NOT wear socks with them.

ok there is a crocs STORE near my house, in the newer mall that i refuse to go to because all the kewl young gurls go there. hehehe. all the more reason to go there. follow 18 year old hawtties around like a 35 year old creeper hahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

be like wanna come back to my huge molester van and smoke MJ and listen to GRIS hahhahahaha. maybe gris AND trist. is that supposed to rhyme.

no i dont have a huge molester van!

also i dont have any MJ. and i damn sure wouldnt have the balls to ask 18 year old gurls to come to muh van and smoke MJ with me hahahahahahaha.

women: dont be such disgusting, degenerate nihilists! or is it nihilistic degenerates.

like stories of the bride to be on a bachelorette party getting drunk and they run into a bachelor party and then the bride to be fooks some badboi right before she is supposed to be getting married. and the expectation is that the husband fooks skanks on his bachelor party.

YOU DONT OWN ME! i can do what i want with my body! dont be so possessive and controlling and clingy! of course i can fook other people when i am getting married the next day! marriage doesnt mean monogamy! monogamy is misogyny! monogamy is HATE!

heh whenever you meet a married couple, ask them if they have an open marriage.  the proper reaction is to react with lip curling disgust. NO, we’re not DEGENERATE. then you say, good, i was testing you to see if you are degenerate. you passed. good for you. i dont associate with open marriage degenerates. we live in such a degenerate, nihilistic era, that some people think that cheating on your husband or wife is just fine. just making sure you’re not like that.  just making sure youre not such a shitty goddamn cheater that both of you have rationalized that cheating is ok. fook that shit.

when i was out in the world working muh horrible job, i was amazed at how many normal people were DISGUSTING CHEATERS. people who seemed normal and nice were cheating on their husbands and wives. and it seemed MORE prevalent with the OLDER people, like by the time you get to 30, cheating is just a normal thing you do as your first marriage falls apart. super black pill. aso. brack pirru.

german tech company has not responded to my email saying yes you can call me to do the phone screening at these times. they contacted me first! then i responded back promptly. and now nothing.

aug 26

had semi weird dream that provided interesting food for thought. sheeeeeeeit at least 8-9 years ago my male friend had a gf and they were quite serious, have been in a traditional monogamous nondegen ltr for liek 4 years at least. i hung out with muh friend a lot, she hung out with him a lot, so i saw a lot of her, which can often be a problem in male male franships, except that i got along with her really well, and i was not really the third wheel. we would all have fun smokin MJ and watching movies and eating food and having dranks or whatever.

anyway my friend and the woman broke up. i was still very friendly with her and even hung out with her a little bit, which i was well away at the time was potentially controversial. yes it would be, i thought, if i had any designs on her! but she’s just a nice person, we get along well, and i dont have any other female friends. its not like im trying to GET with her. that would be just weird. and also potentially traitorous to my friend. i dont want to do that.

“on the job training provided for the RIGHT candidate” ???!?!?!?!?!!

OH THANK YOU SO MUCH.

not even taking into account that “on the job training” is ABSOLUTELY JOOISH BULLSHIT, but now its just being dangled as the reward for GOOD performers only. otherwise you get punished by being fired, or no OJT at all.

and of course the main reason OJT is BULLSHIT is because ITS NOT TRAINING AT ALL.

its you look like an untrained idiot in front of customers, then bother another busy person to show you how to do your job, and their customers and your customers wait impatiently and get bitchy, and you look bad, and your coworker resents you, and the company looks bad. lose lose lose lose lose situation.

anyway. re the 2008 or so woman. yeah she pretty much was a female friend. i got along with her well, she was very nice to me, and she was qt. sound familiar?

one day something Snapped, and i was like WOW she is a TOTAL qt, i would really like to bang her. but thats weird because that is one of muh best friends ex gfs. i respect him enough to never do something like that. but damn she is a real qt for sure……

and this was after she had started dating a new guy. probably a little too soon for my liking after the end of her rel with my friend.

sound familiar?

so, after they break up and are single for 2 months, thats when my feelings start to change, and then when they start dating a new guy, my feelings are unequivocally changed. like maybe hmm. so you were looking for a new man but didnt even consider me.

now, with that 2008 woman, i didnt have a deep luving infatuation or crush on her like with w2015. i just wanted to bang her. but i liked her as a friend. and the emotions were conflicting and confusing. also, we hung out much less as she dated the new guy. also the new guy seemed like a decent enough guy, i think they might have gotten married or at least stayed together for years.

so, w2015 was like the next level of that: we were even closer friends, i was more in luv with her, the whole thing went on for longer. also there was never the issue that i might be betraying a friend of mine, because she was never dating a friend of mine. i became friends with her directly.

but yeah in the dream there was that woman from 2008 and i guess i was trying to secs her up, touching her and trying to take her clothes off.

so yeah the main takeaway is that i probably had some kind of feelings for her, and was an indicator that i was capable of getting feelings for a female friend who i thought was just friends. or at the very least I could discover that there was signif Secsual Attraction there that I wasn’t initially aware of. and its weird. because you think ive known this person for months or years and its only NOW I’m “discovering” this physical attraction for them? when men including me can usually tell within seconds whether or not a gurl is attractive?

I think i always knew these women were attractive, but there were other mitigating circumstances where I knew that being actively attracted to them was morally wrong (gf of my friend, and or she has a bf) or inconvenient (shes just a friend, besides i am hung up on other women)

anyway i never had a big blowout with the 2008 woman, i was never deeply in luv with her, we just sorta drifted apart as she got more serious with her new bf. but there was no hard feelings and no hate or bitterness or coldness or butthurt whatsoever, and i remember her fondly and wish the best for her.

and my male friend found another seemingly decent woman and got married to her and they had a baby and i hope they have more. all white of coursh hahahaah. they have been together for like 7 or 8 years and she seems decent, i dont think she’ll ruin the marriage hahahaha. i dont really know her tho.

i was reading a blut aus nord review yesterday and the guy was like memoria vetusta II is a special album, i listened to it after muh GF gave birth to her child.

implying that the child was not his.

implying that this skank got knocked up by some loser who ran off immed after getting her pregnant.

implying that she started dating this black metal loving sap WHILE she was pregnant with the other guys child

DONT DATE ANYONE WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER GUYS CHILD! JUST STAY AWAY FROM MEN!!!!! DONT EVEN DATE EMO OMEGA NICEGUYS!!!!!

then the reviewer was like, i was devastated when she left me and i couldnt listen to this album for a long time.

and i thought, WOW, this guy is super pathetic cringe.

first, falling in luv with a pregnant woman.

second, being dumped by her after she has the baby, and being so upset by it.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.

the woman should be glad any man can still love her after she had another man’s bastard.

yet she dumps him exactly because he is a sniveling, supplicating, weak, phaggy omega.

don’t be that guy.

i have never fallen in luv with a Single Mother or been dumped by a single mother, and I hope I NEVER do.

i guess i would bang a slutty single mother. but i still have a healthy disrespect for single mothers.

i mean theyll never tell you the truth. its always its all the guys fault. he was a total jerk and deadbeat. and acutally that may be the truth. but then…..why would you have a baby with him? because you are a white ingra who lives on instant gratification and cant think of the future. and i damn sure cant trust you.  you create life WILLY NILLY with men who would be terrible fathers! your judgment is even worse than the average womans! which is pretty goddamn bad as it is!

thats ROCK BOTTOM. when you are desperately in LUV with a single mother. I hope i NEVER get there.

especially a pregnant woman. she picks deadbeats who cant even stay around for 9 months. and why are they even putting themselves on the market when they are PREGNANT? and what kind of pathetic guy sees that and says yep thats acceptable? a rock bottom man even more desperate than I hahahahahahaha.

so he can go beat off with his own foreveralone virgin neet tears with his blut aus nord albums hahahahahaha.

no i have nothing against BaN and I would like to listen to them……if they didnt use a DAMN DRUM MACHINE.

USE REAL DAMN DRUMS. yet for 20 years and 20 albums the guy uses a blatant machine sounding drum machine. yet i can appreciate him as a good guitar player and probably good songwriter. so just play the drums YOURSELF, i will take a sloppy amateurish drum performance over a MACHINE ANY DAY. the most important thing is the drums sound good, and this guy is prob enough of a Studio Nerd to put in effort to get good sound. so just get a good sound and put in a completely amateur burzum drum performance. shit i LIKE the way varg plays drums. its NOT HARD to play in time. just fookin PRACTICE for a few hours. and the practice should be FUN, because DRUMS ARE FUN. inherently. fooking call ME up and i will do the drums even though i am the biggest amateur  and havent touched a drum set in like 8 years.

i am AUTISTIC about drums as you can see hahaha and I HATE drum machines in black metal. any kind of metal or rock. electronic drums are JUST FINE in electronic music. but elsewhere? never.

ok. had butter coffee plus a .25 scoop of protein this morning. as much as i hate to take in calories before 12 noon hahahaha.

heated up coffee in microwave so the butter actually melted hahahaha.

so now i am comparing and contrasting that woman with the woman from 2008. they were similar in that they were both very nice to me, we got along well, and they were willing to hang out with me, hahahaha.  when i first met w2015, i guess she sorta reminded me of w2008. they even looked a little alike. but as of right now, i found w2015 way qter. she had longer legs and longer hair and a bigger bottom and i liked all that very much. jeeeeeez. the less said the better. damn. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but yeah in the dream i was very hot to bang the woman from 2008. and i think i got her pants off and got a glimpse of The Action, but then the dream faded out. of courshe.

anyway i hope she is married with children by now. she has to be about 30 years old by now. WOW.

and one day That Woman will be 30 too. about 4 years from now hahahaha.

sheeeeeit i wish i were 25 or 26 again and had a full 4 years to go before 30!

anyway. were these women REALLY all that similar? or did the fact that they were qt and nice to me and friends with me and we got along make me THINK they were similar.

well they had sort of similar faces. both had pale white skin. they both partook MJ and because of that seemed chill and Cool. the previous woman had a lame tattoo but it wasnt a dealbreaker.

but you develop a fondness and sense of closeness when you see a woman regularly for over a year and get along well.

oh yeah at the tech interview they (the actual tech supervisor) asked me if i understood the OSI model. I grimaced and said yeah I’d studied it in a networking class about 5 years ago but I honestly don’t remember a lot of specific. I know there are 6 to 8 layers, including the application layer and the network layer, but…..I’m sorry sir, I would have to refresh my memory on it, but I assure you I would do that very quickly. hahahahaha.

http://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/OSI_Layers.asp

heh. yeah we covered it in muh networking class which kinda sucked. the teacher was a nice guy but he wasnt a great teacher. its HARD to be a great teacher with a topic like this. but you kinda need it because the shit is kinda obtuse. it does NOT come naturally.  it does NOT make much sense.

rejection email for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar an hour part time job at local college where i was kinda hoping to get the job and they seemed to like me. DAYUM. interview was 11 days ago.

it was a doable job, nothing glorious, but nothing that would make me ragequit, i could go there for 20 hours a week and at least HOLD DOWN SOME SORT OF JOB while looking for another job.

meanwhile that bitch works FT making 16 dollars an hour and doesnt ragequit and has already made 30k more than i have in the past year hahahahaha.

hehehehe i hate competing with women in career IN ADDITION TO essentially competing for their physical and emotional favor. now you have to make more money than them and have better career status than them too.

and it does make you feel like much less of a man when a woman whos much younger than you is doing a LOT better than you with career and making money. no WONDER she rejected you, ya damn neet loser! you cant work and make money like a real man!

sheeeeeeit that guy who i was playing phone tag with called me BACK! and i missed the call! i called him right back and got VM. sheeeeeit. so now i will call him back every 10 or 20 minutes until 5 pm hahahaha.

it is 325 right now.

i didnt expect him to call me back! after i called him back, left a voice mail, then called him again the next day. i just figured he’d call one of the other 500 applicants.

this fookin guy i used to work with fookin looked at my linkedin profile and stole some of my blurbs for HIS shit with the company!!!!!! white guy but fat as fook. he was obnoxious because of his fatness alone. he was REALLY fat. typical computer gamer who does nothign but sit at the gaming machine and eat fast food and drink soda. he had a GF but guess what, she was a fat pig too hahahahahahaha. she might have been cute if she lost at least 100 pounds too! she was young and didnt have a fat ugly face.

i only talked to him once and he was not as obnoxious as i thought he’d be hahahahaha. so i figure he’s just a decent white guy struggling, so i will let him copy and paste my paragraph hahahaha. not sure if he found a new job yet. he strikes me as not too much of a go getter. probably milked his unemployment as much as possible hahahaha. he went to a high school in a real white trash area of town, so its good he’s not a drug addicted, pill popping, tattooed eminem wannabe hahahahaha.

come to think of it, there were quite a few people from that white trash high school at this job. before working there, i had never really met anyone who went to that school.

my female former friend could have gone to a REALLY white trash high school but she somehow got school of choiced into a better high school? I think? I would have liked a chance to talk to her more about that. get to know her better hahahahaha. i hate fookin WOMEN hahahhhaha.

FINALLY. got ahold of the guy, got interview set up for tuesday 4 days from now. NOICE. number 18. unsuccessful interview number 18. got to get to 25 or so hahahaha.

entry level test technician for testing inspection and certification. testing parts. really hands on he says. did not ask about wage sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey dont get the hopes up hahahaha. this is ONLY the 18th interview. i got to get to at LEAST 25, 30, 40, or 50 remember hahahaha. im not lean and mean enough yet. havent paid muh dues yet.

but yeah i get SOME confidence boost from getting a new interview. and then can also get a conf boost if the interview goes ok. if the interview does NOT go ok, then i feel bad for a few days hahahaha.

of course, even if the interview goes ok and i feel good, i still know i wont get the job hahahaha.

also the place is really close too. and full time. probably at least 12 an hour hahaha.

its only 7 miles away. dayum. believe me that is huge.

today i kinda felt like going on okcupid and seeing what kinda bangable 25 year old sluts there are out there. i mean i dont want to go to a meth addicted hooker, so might as well go to a oxy addicted nihilistic skank who beleives their nihilism and hedonism is something like “i am a very LOVING person, i LOVE everybody.”

TO LOVE ALL EQUALLY IS TO LOVE NONE WELL

-t. i cant remember who, some vaguely alt right person of courshe hahaha.

ok gonna give this one a try now. i heard their first album years ago and remembered it was pretty good “atmoblack”, not all pvssy and blackgaze, yeah theyre hardcore pagans but they didnt seem like communists. also i found the fact that they were english to be interesting. maybe an anglo saxon sort of paganry hahahaha.

WOW the hr gurl who is 10 years younger than me, confirmed the phone interview finally, for monday. sheeeeit i thought she forgot about me too. well i have never had a phone interview to bomb hahahaha. i am not confident they will call me in for an in person interview.

and then i have an in person interview on tuesday.

i am not counting the phone interview as a real interview, ie, towards muh number.

so the one on tuesday (plane/car parts testing lab) is The 18th Interview. well 18 is an auspicious number in golf. maybe the 18th will be my lucky one hehehehe.

and today a guy i went to community college with 5 years ago sent me a request on linkedin. we were in an economics study group together for the one bitchy econ prof. i wonder how many econ instructors they have today. come on. like they couldnt just get some dime a dozen mba to adjunct instruct econ 101 and 102 for 15 bucks an hour hahahahaha.

oh sorry i guess they make more like 30 bucks an hour. well. hmmm. thats not bad then.

wodensthrone album was ok, good, listenable i guess hahaha. i listened to the first song, some of the second song. all long songs hahaha. and mainly listend to the fatherland.

 

WOMEN DONT STOP BEING CHILDREN UNTIL THEY HAVE CHILDREN

july 15

347 people have applied in 18 hours since first posting for an “ENTRY LEVEL OFFICE CLERK” job with a trucking company. i saw the posting and said, wow, grade 8, this looks very good For Me, and then at the bottom it said that 347 people had applied. meaning that there are 347 Unemployed Job Seekers like me who have indeed open ALL DAY and are hitting refresh every couple minutes. this is how you spot jobs BEFORE the daily emails, folks. and 347 other desperate people are out there in my area competing for ONE job that pays THIRTEEN dollars an hour. they were honest enough to say that. good for them. most companies arent. the number was not low enough to dissuade THREE HUNDRED and FORTY SEVEN people from applying in a mere EIGHTEEN HOURS of being posted.

MOTHER FOOKER. I applied for this job a few days ago that I rated grade A, and I forgot to change one of the company names in the cover letter from the name of the company I had applied to BEFORE that.

my only saving grace is, the cover letter is kinda long and they might have stopped reading after the first paragraph.

oh shit i think this 347 job is a division of this other trucking company that has a very bad reputation and which i decided was not a good company to wrk for hahaha because they cut corners, gave shoddy service, and were generally very semitic in their operations. like having 6000000 diff company names in a holding company so you dont even know its the same company, the same hand rubbing J who owns it all. he’s not even a J, he’s an arab hahahahahahahahahaha. i did muh due dilegence.

anyway they can get 347 people without using a recruiter.

but this is the bottom of the barrel! people who will apply to everything and anything! they need a recruiter to actually READ those 347 resumes and be able to separate the good from the bad and really ACQUIRE the TALENT!!!!!

and offer them a 17 dollar an hour job sight unseen by the company, with no official interview. WTF.

heh. just to reiterate, there is no recruiter at work here, and the job is 13 hourly. just 347 in 18 hours applying to work at a company notorious for shitty service.

sheeeit.

ok so i went to burlington coat factory, their selection was not as good as jcpenney, but a little cheaper, and found a real nice gray jacket in the clearance section. once i found a decent coat, it was hard not to buy the pants of the exact same color. so i did. i tried to find the most average gray color i could find, so it could match well with other pants. this is the problem with the blue thing i got at jcpenney. i liked the blue color, but its gonna be real hard to match with other pants if needed.  REAL hard.

so now I essentially have TWO brand new suits hahahahah. a blue one and a gray one.

wonder if i should have just gone to mens wearhouse to one of there BOGO sales and buy a 400 dollar suit. lets just say i spent around 440 dollars. that includes two full suits with alterations done on the pants and jacket. also includes 2 new dress shirts, 2 new ties, and a new belt. 440 dollars. US dollars. damn. is it worth it? fam said they would pay half. which is nice of them. I appreciate it.

but the good news is, i have two brand new matching suits that fit well. hopefully this will last me at least 440 days hahahaha.

2 years.

the blue one is “slim” fitting while the gray one is “traditional/classic” fitting. which resulted in a coat size that differed by 4. that seemed like a lot. so I still dont know my official coat size. its within 2 up or down hahaha.

i tried a different tailor today. they were pretty expensive. i wont be going back there. I really like the idea of tailoring because my waist is an inbetween size, and my legs are short and stumpy as fook. really the legs are the issue. i essentially would need to get EVERY pair of pants TAILORED for my short fooking manlet legs.

I should REALLY learn how to do it myself!!!!!!!

burlington coat factory was full of blacks and loud arab women hahahahaha. we dont get a lot of mexican Steezers or Southeast Asian Zipperheads or Flips like they do in some areas, but we DO get a lot of arabs hahahaha.

why are there long lines at retail checkouts? BECAUSE IT COSTS TOO MUCH TO OPEN ANOTHER REGISTER.

so whenever you complain about the line being too long anywhere, why don’t they open another register…….

have you ever worked a day in your life???

you don’t simply open another register! that would IMPLY that you have some EXTRA person twiddling their thumbs somewhere in your store! that would IMPLY you have TOO MANY PEOPLE working!!! that would IMPLY you don’t have a Skeleton Crew every second of every shift!

so never get mad or impatient when you have to wait in line, and for damn sure don’t get bitchy at the poor lost soul making 8 dollars an hour at the cash register. I will find you. AND I WILL ____ YOU. hahahahahaha.

I guess I really do have the heart of a LABOR ACTIVIST amirite.

the ETERNAL STRUGGLE of LABOR VS MANAGEMENT.

LABOR VS CAPITALISTS.

PROLES VS BOURGE VS SUPERRICH PLUTOCRATS hahaha.

justcallthemj00s.wav hahahahaha

i am SUBPROLE though, I have to compete against 350 other….

checking the posting now….

460 people in 23 hours!!!!! 20 people per hour!

this must be the most attractively written job posting ever. how the hell can I show you this job desription without DOXING myself. I CANT. theres just no way. it’s basically a 13 dollar an hour job that is openly listed as Entry Level, and Great for College Students, rather than some job that calls for 5 years of experience, supervisory, and lists 6000000 things that you have no idea what they are. just a basic bitch entry level job, no ridiculous experience required. says nothing about HAVING a college degree. just that Current College Students are encouraged to apply. implying, you don’t NEED to have a College Degree.

for THIRTEEN dollars an hour. and those fast food ingras are bitching about FIFTEEN dollars an hour.

the AVERAGE per capita income in the us is 28k a year. this is approx FOURTEEN dollars an hour. THAT is my goal. but I will take THIRTEEN. FIFTEEN is just fooking GREEDY IMHO.

I applied for the job already when it was at 350. now, like FIVE hours later, its at 460.

this was just an eye opener folks. I’ve never seen so high a number, and in such a short amount of time.

why didnt they just close it at 100?

when are they going to close it?

how do they have time to look at 500 resumes? 1000 resumes? they DONT!!!!

back in the good old days, you didnt have to compete with 500 people for an entry-level job that paid slightly below average.

being AVERAGE wasnt such a god damn STRUGGLE!

the only entry level jobs are fooking call centers, part time, restaurants, retail.

i had a job when i was 16, but it was easy and stressless, even though it was low paying. now i kinda wish I had a REAL shitty job: low paying AND high stress. like a restaurant. when I was 16. learned how to deal with bitch f4ggot asshole customers from a very young age. now i just can barely handle it.

http://www.themodestman.com/how-to-hem-dress-pants/

hehehehe a site for SHORT men. their euphemism of choice is the MODEST man. MODEST = MANLET. that is hilarious.

http://www.manmadediy.com/users/dan_e_t/posts/2630-the-diy-tailor-how-to-hem-dress-pants-like-a-pro

http://www.themodestman.com/the-1-most-important-fashion-tip-for-short-men/

http://www.themodestman.com/100-famous-short-men/

lotta J’s on that list hahahaha. I am not a J I swear, I am just short as fook. 5 7 on a tall day. yet I like tall women. damn.

how many “amicable” divorces are there? how come men get so screwed? why do they wives HAVE to take SO MUCH, why do they HAVE to take the kids and move 3000 miles away?

they don’t HAVE to do this! Why can’t they just say, LISTEN, I’m not trying to scam you, I don’t want any money, and it’s only fair that we have 50 50 custody, and I don’t WANT an alimony, I just want out of this marriage, but I don’t want to SCREW or SCAM you either.

why do they HAVE to take the mentality of I’m gonna bleed this sucker dry?

why do they have to hate him and want such REVENGE on him? when he is begging to Work on the Marriage and saying please dont leave me? give him the GOOD WILL of NOT trying to SHAKE HIM DOWN! talk about insult to injury!!!!

why are women so evil that they always have to add insult to injury? Can’t they just injure without insult? especially when that insult is so big and long term that it ends up being another damn injury?

I have a ridiculous idealized view of women, that women cant possibly live up to…….

………..but I STILL think they can do a LITTLE better. just do a LITTLE better.

you dont have to be some pure virgin, you don’t have to be with less than 5 guys, you dont have to have neer banged a black guy, you dont have to have 0 abortions, you dont have to have never cheated……but just  TRY a LITTLE harder. Don’t be a TOTAL piece of SHIT. Don’t add insult to injury. make a LITTLE effort. make a 1% effort. effort means a lot. rather than being a piece of shit and wanting to be WORSHIPPED for it. nope. i wont do it hahahaha. i will loudly denounce it.

80 people dead in nice france. come on folks. this sort of stuff didnt happen 20 years ago. at this regularity, at this magnitude.

another thing. when you are FOREVERALONE, you don’t develop NORMAL INTERESTS. your main interests are why gurls don’t like you, what is wrong with gurls, what is wrong with YOU, why are you so weak, women are bitches, and these WEIRD, BAD interests take precedence over NORMAL good interests like Career, Education, Sports, Exercise, Family, Friends, Religion, being a good person, books, even vidya games.

so you have nothing to talk about with women. “hey baby, want to talk about how fooked up women are? how you are all INFANTS who aren’t capable of a decent relationship and you need to be trained like animals? also want to talk about how weird and creepy and fooked up and omega I am, and my self loathing and inferiority?”

see, it becomes impossible to have a normal conversation with a woman, or even a man really. the only people you can talk to are people on your despair forums, people on your woman hating forums, people on your racist forums hahahahaha. and the racists are really too much of WINNERS to accept a loser like you into their winner normie group! they have good jobs and good women.

up to 509 applicants in 1 day. i am keeping that tab open for a few days. this is AMAZING. and not in a good way.

this is not a national thing. it is just a god damn entry level full time 13 dollars an hour job that does not demand a degree and is suitable for a 18 to 22 year old who just wants to work and make a modest, slightly below average living. but I guarantee there are people from a 50 mile radius, with masters degrees and 20 years of experience, applying for it. so many desperate people out there. i am one of them. fortunately I am quite below average when it comes to desperation! I have a safety net! most desperate people do NOT.

pokemon. shit. i am amazed at how HUGE of a thing this has become in one lousy week. how are there SO MANY early adopters? there has to be a business lesson here. I’ve never seen something become SO successful, SO quickly. if i had a Smart Phone, I would probably check it out. and want a nice cuddly waifu to play pokemon with hahaha. one with n < 10.

all the women I’ve even been interested in….have all been fairly attractive. there have been no uglies or fatties. no 5/10’s. shit was any of them even a 6? not really. they were all 7 at least. 7s and 8s.

I am simply not man enough to pull 7s and 8s. I need to aim for 6s and more likely 5s.

but ive never been interested in or attracted to 5s or 6s.

and quite honestly no 5s or 6s have ever been interested in ME!

some women haters say women are literally good for nothing but secs.

I disagree with this wholeheartedly. Women haters like ME KNOW that women are good for other things, namely, that warm fuzzy feeling when a gurl you like is VERY NICE to you. I’m not even sure what to call it. Nice. Pleasant. Not being a huge bitch. When a woman is very nice to you, it also feels good, like sticking your dick in a bitchs mouth or cvnt hahahahahahahaha. IF IT FEELS GOOD, DO IT.

yes I AM being facetious.

but it DOES feel good when a woman is Super Nice to you. Even a Nice Guy likes it when people are NICE to him.

but yeah. im still a total women hater, but I CAN appreciate other things women do other than secs, so I just wanted to white knight for a second and say that when women are not total bitches, that is a many splendored thing hahaha.

but yeah. how can an ADULT have a proper relationship with a CHILD?

Are we really expecting TOO MUCH out of women? like expecting a dog NOT to eat a steak you leave lying out? you can’t expect a woman NOT to destroy the hearts that are offered to her?

well, theres a HUGE difference between leaving food out, and choosing to offer your heart to another person!!!!!!!

meaning, leaving the steak out is just an accident, and not a huge deal. but offering your heart is a long term, VERY premeditated, VERY intentional thing, that you dont do accidentally, in other words.

also, a dog eating food? not a big deal and an understandable reflex. it’s not a destructive antisocial thing. destroying a heart is. there’s many valid reasons to eat food. there’s no valid reasons to destroy a heart. unless they are trying to get REVENGE for some perceived wrong. and they always view themselves as a fooking victim. they are too childish to understand or especially ADMIT WHEN THEY ARE WRONG.

So again, how can an adult have a real relationship with a CHILD?

well, that’s just the way the relationship WORKS until the man gets a few BABIES out of that woman. A man becomes an adult without having children. a woman NEEDS to have children to become an adult.

WOMEN DONT STOP BEING CHILDREN UNTIL THEY HAVE CHILDREN. 

i mean SHIT. even an untrained dog wont necessarily ATTACK everything it can reach.

and you can certainly train a dog not to attack everything.

so women are essentially like savage pitbull dogs that are fooking DANGEROUS because they aggressively attack everything. and then their white trash stupid owners get assmad when respectable people look down on pitbulls. because they are aggressive hostile ingra dogs, that’s why.

no white person, even a woman, is destined by nature that they HAVE to act like a savage ingra. NOPE. I just won’t accept that.

536 people, 1 day.

whos gonna LOOK at 540 resumes for a 13 DAH job?

WHEN are they gonna pull the posting? 600 people? why dont they do it right now?

hahahaha glad I got in when it was only 360 or so, hahahahahaha. and by then the job had been open for 18 hours.

the idea that getting an email update “within 24 hours” is NOT GOOD ENOUGH because within 24 hours, FIVE HUNDRED people have already applied!

makes you feel bad about skipping a day looking at the indeed list. for not refreshing the list at least twice a day.

military coup in turkey? is that good or bad? was thinking a military coup in the US might be a good thing. but how trustworthy is our military leadership? dont know. I generally have a good opinion of the rank and file. if they ran the show i would be all in favor of a military coup. martial fascist law.  but not sure about the top brass.

heh jim on fatherland sperged out on the idea of miltary wives being huge sluts and cheating while the husbands are deployed. i agreed with jim but he gave it a great perspective: these women are TRAITORS because they are directly hurting our MILITARY. our SOLDIERS. the people who protect our nation. and these women are tearing their hearts out. so they are TRAITORS to our COUNTRY, this is TREASON or SEDITION and must be punishable by DEATH. HANG them.

and I thought yeah I am ok with that too! good call jim!

now if not military, well, its still a BETRAYAL, they are still a KIND of traitor, and should be punished by public head-shaving at LEAST, plus a 10000 dollar fine to their husband.

NOT a divorce where she gets an alimony and custody of the kids.

public headshaving, 10000 dollar fine to the husband. for a start.

ok how about 6000. but at LEAST 5000 dollars. I’m thinking I had at least 6000 dollars in expenses for muh DUI, with court, probation, lawyer, license reinstatement, restitutions, alcohol bracelet, GPS bracelet, several piss tests a week, several god damn breathalyzers a week, etc. it was like 6 or 7 grand all told.

so i think cheating is more serious a crime and you should get 7 or 8 grand fine at least.

and like i said, public headshaving. with a level 0 fookin buzzer.

so then cheaters will just wear wigs to hide their short hair right?

so when you are banging some slut, pull her hair to see if she’s wearing a wig! easy peasy! and if she is, you know she’s a cheater! recently! and that this is not wife material!

ideally, wife material would not be having secs with ANY man in the short term. PERIOD.

women are terrible because we are REWARDING BAD BEHAVIOR.  its simple conditioning and reinforcement.

we are rewarding bad behavior, so they behave badly.

we need to PUNISH bad behavior.

PUNISH bad behavior, REWARD good behavior, and then we will

MAKE WOMEN GOOD AGAIN 

hahahahaha.

but see, its not NORMAL to be “interested” in women in this way!!!! women should NOT be an interest of men IN THIS WAY, ie, a topic you spend a LOT of time thinking about How Women Work and how you can play their stupid game and win. you shouldnt even be THINKING about their stupid game, you should be thinking of how to WIN at your OWN game, ie, career, money, respect, power, status.

also women can’t understand men who have  been single for a year, let alone 2 years, 4 years, 8 years, foreveralone………because no woman has ever been Single for a YEAR. if they don’t have a long term rel, then they will CERTAINLY have short term rels and slut it up during that year.

but a man who has neither short nor long term rel for a YEAR. Women can’t relate to that at all. They’ve simply never done it. So don’t listen to their bullshit patronizing advice! they have NEVER been there, done that! they dont know what theyre talking about, period.

however the better ones will mean well. still doesnt mean they know what theyre talking about.

they might swear off having a boifran. “Im done with men. I dont want a relationship right now.” that means, I’m gonna be a SLUT and have casual secs and disgusting short term rels for at least a year, add another 5 men to my number in the course of a year.

so if a woman ever says that, “i just wanna be single for a while.” you might think OH, THATS GOOD. she treats relationships seriously, and just doesn’t want to jump into short term bullshit rels.

be very afraid, because that’s probably EXACTLY what she means. that’s code for PRECISELY I want to do nothing but bullshit casual short term rels and slut it up like a dirty slut.

so when she says that, you have to call and raise that bet, be like, what do you mean? no dating? no sex? that BETTER be what you mean, or else youre a SLUT! and I don’t reward sluts, I PUNISH them!

then dump dogshit all over their expensive slutty jeans and clothes. that’s probably the best way to punish sluts hahahaha. maybe put a dead PIG in their bed hahahahaha.

cuz i dont advocate violence against women, not even sluts. just saying known cheaters should have their heads shaved and they should be heavily fined. and cheating military wives should be hanged for being an enemy of the state.

oh tom petty why did you play at some j00ish plutocrats daughteres bat mitzvah. I dont CARE if he paid you a million shekels. (david brooks, not the jooish neocon “journalist” for the joo york slimes, but some j00ish new york stock broker).  you are better than that tom petty. at least I thought you were. playing private parties for a literally hand rubbing merchant.

i mean i would do it, because I need a million bucks more than tom petty does. and I would use the million on my white family. tom petty would just spend it on weed and banging half white sluts hahahahahaha.

it sucks that someone can write honest decent music and still be a degenerate in person.

well i hear tom petty is super laid back and nice.

sure because he is smoking weed all day like willie nelson.

ok i have no PROOF he is banging sluts or being a bad father. I hope he is not banging sluts and is being a good father.

anyway do you think WOMEN spend NEARLY as much time as forever alone men thinking and obsessing about relationships and relship partners, in their case, men?

do women in general spend as much time and energy thinking and worrying about men, as men do thinking about WOMEN?

I dont think so.

but this is normal and right and just, because women dont HAVE to, women are the CHOOSERS BECAUSE women get pregnant! so I can get butthurt about it!

I just want them to show more RESPONSIBILITY with their power. when you wield power with no responsibility, the people on the receiving end of that power lose all respect for you, hahahahahahahaha. your power SEEMS very illegitimate. even if it IS Biologically, Physically LEgitimate.

july 16

596 people. and i wasnt even in the first half of them! me! who has a Solid System with getting to new job postings FAST! well its not fast enough! what is THESE peoples systems then?

heh. i wish ann coulter had just gotten married when she was young and had a nice family. she is one of my top women and she still looks ok. but i dont like that she bangs black guys like a degenerate. that could just be a rumor though. she should have had a family starting when she was young. she was very hawt when she was young. i wonder how big of a SLUT she was at that time. probably much more than I would like.  but I like that she is so far right that she is almost alt right hahahaha. and she takes rightful pleasure in mocking and shaming The Regressive Left hehehe.

applied to another entry level office clerk position that only had 190 people apply in the first 24 hours hahahaha.

i figure my Impressive Packet will automatically put me in the top 20%.

not good enough.

ok, maybe even top 10%.

you think they are gonna interview 19 people? they will interview like 5 or 6 or 7. so you better be in the top 3 or 4% to get the interview, and the top  .5% to get the job.

meanwhile all through school, they tell you if you are in the top 20% you are awesome.

nope, they should tell you you are shit unless you are in the top .5%. POINT five percent. 5% is still shit.

The Real World is like a High Expectations Asian Father, when it comes to jobs and women. you better be in the top 0.5% or youre NOTHING. nobody. a damn failure. loser at life.

your reward for being in the top .2%? (1 out of 600 applicants for the other job) a job that pays somewhat below average.

i hope this pence vp pick does not cause the trumpenfuhrer to lose the election.

DONT TOUCH A DICK UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO COMMIT TWO YEARS TO IT. 

that would be a great rule of thumb. technically the same goes for men touching cvnt, but I shouldnt even need to say this: women touching dick is pretty much the gatekeeper of men touching cvnt.

i was thinking maybe women could get TATTOOS that say “cheater” or “abandoner”. and it would be a crime for tattoo “artists” to remove those tattoos. tattoos themselves would be shamed, shunned, and disincentivized.

im not 100% about this pence. why do you even need a vice president hahahaha. just pick ann coulter for VP.

or how about nation of one, the cool marine alpha male father from the fatherland and trs. i heard rumors he was not 100% white but i would give him a pass if so.

so yeah tattoos and headshavings, monthly headshavings, for cheaters. and abandoners. and heavy fines. add it to their student loan debt hahahaha.

maybe this is just because I want to punish HER. she did something wrong, so she should be punished.

so what would be the best punishment for HER?

nothing violent of course.

really the only punishment I want for her is for her to meet me in a court of Relationship Law, a judge or jury to decide that she did something wrong, and then for her to feel bad about to it, own up to it, and express remorse for it. That would be enough for me. no tattoos, no headshaving, no fines. just meet me publicly, have both sides evaluated, listened, heard, understood, judged, and her to realize she did something wrong, and be truly sorry for it.

write me a 10 page letter OR pay me a 1000 dollar fine. I would probably give 900 back to her needy family.

its less of a felony and more of a misdemeanor.

village of jamel germany filled with 35 neonazis! i should move there.

why have i never listened to inquisition? they seem pretty good. but i had no idea how ridiculous the vocals were. i can tolerate it though. they have fast blast beats and seemingly interesting riffs. the jooish filth blog metalsucks also accuses them of being RACIST because of a story by an ex-racist with a swastika tattoo who said that when the inquisition guys saw his swastika tat a few years ago, they got really excited and interested.

however im not seeing a lot of talk about this in youtube comments, like oh these despicable phil anselmo like racists. 90% of the comments are about the ridiculous vocals but damn are those some sweet riffs and this kinda reminds me of immortal.

reminds you immortal in a good way, not a bad way.

so yeah. no headshaving, no abandoner tattoos. this is like third degree, accidental, mansluahgter type abandonment. first degree predmeditated abandonment would get a tattoo.

ANY kind of CHEATING is BETRAYAL and gets instant tattoo. and headshaving.

where would the tattoo go? probably just on the arm. I mean you could put it on the face. but if youre banging a girl, you will eventually see her ARM anyway. also it was good enough for joos in the campz to get tats on their ARM.

larping hahahaha.

her punishment is just to respond to me and apologize hahahaha. wow what a cruel and unusual punishment that is totally worse than the crime hahahaha.

so yeah. when women divorce men, why dont they ever try to do it respectfully or nicely? do they HAVE to do it as VINDICTIVELY as possible? it really makes women look evil and petty and horrible.

695 applicants, 1 day. 13 dollar an hour entry level job. damn.

how to be #1 out of 695.

ive always admitted when I was wrong! and felt really bad for it! shit ive thought I was wrong when I wasnt! blamed myself for things I didnt do! like blaming myself for making her dump me in such an incredible manner.

i guess punching out and continuing to work for a few hours unpaid is common. i am talking about people who actually punch a clock, like hourly, or people who need to be paid overtime, or are someone instructed to work less than 40 or 48 hours a week. well they still gotta get the work done. so they punch out and work off the clock to finish the stuff they have to do, or else their manager will fire them at will.

how come they didnt teach us this in high school or college hahahahaha.

or that you had to STUDY for your job and do HOMEWORK for it just like you did for school?

because every day on the job is like a Big Test, or a Big Sports Championship, and you have the knot of dread in your stomach, “I AM NOT READY FOR THIS. I AM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS.” and all you can do is try to survive one day at a time and then study during as much of your free time as possible. Come home, smoke a huge blunt to unwind for 30 minutes, then start STUDYING your job material until its time to go to bed.

NOBODY TOLD ME!!!!!

also that woman wouldnt study at all. she would just smoke weed and take care of her family hahahaha like a slacker deadbeat. and now she is getting ahead in the industry while I have fallen way behind. she has left me by the wayside. left me WAY behind. feels bad man hahaha.

DO NO HARM.

say the degenerate godless spiritual but not religious degenerates.

well what I hate is that women do SO MUCH HARM wihtout even realizing it, through their promiscuity, casual sex, cheating, abandonment, leaving people hanging, walking away from responsibilitiy, disappointment,  immaturity. that’s why I don’t like women: because they’ve dove ME a lot of harm and I don’t think they’ve shown enough remorse for it! You should feel bad for doing bad things! DO NO HARM!!!!

open relationships harm people! cheating harms people! breaking hearts is harmful and hurtful! that is why I dont like women!

and no, men should not do these things to women either.

but women control the supply of sex. men DO NOT. men are the demand for sex.

WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY OF SEX, MEN ARE THE DEMAND. 

wow might be top 5% posts here. welp not good enough, you gotta be top 0.5%.

 

TOP 5% IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, TOP 0.5% IS. 

i have always been an Aphorist hahahahaha.

 

What does IC stand for in context to software engineers and computer programmers?
Not referring to integrated circuits.
2 Answers
Nick Malik
Nick Malik, I’ve written over a half million lines of production code
Individual Contributor — a person who is not a manager, whose effort contributes to the value of the product or supporting processes.

thank you. IC was a bit tricky acronym to figure out. but i figured it out in 3 minutes. that woman would just ask a thirsty beta orbiter for help HELP ME hahahaha.

but I was a bad man who imposed on her while she was having a FAMILY CRISIS! how bad am I! I should get a tattoo that says selfish and insensitive and pushy and needy and clingy!

“you may also use this second follow-up to reinforce how you envision using your skills to solve a potential challenge you suspect — or even know — the company is facing. Keep this “solution” very brief (1-3 sentences). The power of this “future impact” proposal is to trigger a connection between your value proposition and their pain points.” quote from:

https://www.glassdoor.com/blog/follow-job-application/?ref=apply-email
are you fookin kidding me hahahaha.

MY VALUE PROPOSITION PROVIDES A COST EFFECTIVE SOLUTION TO YOUR PAIN POINTS.

jeeeeeeeezum crow!!!!

yes managers actually talk like that and that is why they are incompetent fooktards who should all be fired, and the people who actually do work should be promoted to supervisor. or maybe have rotating supervisors.

LABOR VS MANAGEMENT hahahaha. destroy capitalist greed hahahaha.

747 applicants now in 2 days of the post being up.

DO NO HARM??? BEing a lying, cheating, abandoning, irresponsible wh0re is HARMFUL to a lot of people, and to society in general!

Being so GOD DAMN IRRESPONSIBLE in RELATIONSHIPS causes a lot of broken hearts! and even ONE broken heart is a LOT of HARM!

DO NO HARM!!!!!

i know you didnt intend to cause the harm, and broken heart harm is pretty much inevitable and not really your fault per se. But you still have a responsibility to say AWWWW Im SORRY. I dont MEAN to break your heart! she didnt even do that!

didnt even SAY I didnt MEAN to break your heart! do THAT much at least!

ok ok i just like to rant about that all the time while I am applying for stupid jobs hahaha. managed to apply for 6 on a staurday. my average is at 12.1 minutes after 43 jobs on the spreadsheet.  the more total jobs, the more accurate that average is. right. looks like the average is gonna be UNDER 15 minutes. that is Better Than Projected hahahaha. That is GOOD news.

I’m pretty irresponsible but I DONT DRAG OTHER PEOPLE INTO IT. My irresponsibility hurts mainly myself. and prob muh fam hehehehe.

they say ann coulter is a man but I would still bang her, even if she’s banged 1000000 ingras. yes she does have a horse face, yes she is grotesquely skinny and possibly anorexic, yes she is 54 years old, but i would still bang her. she has legit very nice hair. very nice hair.

but when you are so irresponsible in relationships and breaking hearts LIKE  A BULL IN A CHINA SHOP….. doesnt mean you praise the bull, and damn sure doesn’t mean you have to like the bull. you take the bull out of the china shop because it just doesnt belong there!

women don’t BELONG in relationships? this sounds like mgtow robot womb robot waifu shit.

no its much more simple.

like i said before: INCENTIVIZE GOOD BEHAVIOR, DISINCENTIVIZE BAD BEHAVIOR.

REWARD THE GOOD, PUNISH THE BAD.

and women are so BAD in the current year because their BAD behavior has been rewarded so much. and not at all punished.

nobody makes them really understand that what they do is WRONG, irresponsible, and bad.

bull in a child shop. a 50 foot baby with a fooking machine gun. or a mario invincibility star that kills everything it touches. the day will come when nobody understands that reference.

up to 798 applicants in 2 days. i thought each job was only supposed to have 5 to 10 applicants. yeah maybe for senior level fookin analyst jobs. entry level average jobs have 800 applicants!

something is REALLY fishy with the way job statistics are measured and reported. this 5% unemployment rate is bullshit. the whole job statistics field is bullshit and lies. damned lies and statistics hahaha. no they didnt add 250000 jobs last month. they added a bunch of temporary 10 hour a week jobs paying 8 bucks an hour. THATS what they added. that is NOT a sign of a healthy economy or a healthy, good job market. its shitty.

listened to that inquisition. the drums kinda sounded like a machine. a good machine but a machine nonetheless. but i think its actually a real guy. i dunno. they have like 100000 albums, maybe i picked the wrong one. the one above, ominous something something. i thought that was their Breakout album though. who knows. id rather listen to immortal. and yeah truly those vocals are RIDICULOUS. i mean he can do whatever he wants, he’s the mastermind of the band, but….WHY? is this supposed to be “throat singing?” and I am pretty tolerant of weird vocals.

and even the “joys” of investigating new boring disappointing music is nothing compared to the joys of small talk about tv and cuddling with a Beloved Waifu.

i thought i hated small talk but with her i luved small talk. cuz it was just a way to spend time and bond and feel totally comfortable with her.

and i really dont hate small talk, even with men. i guess ive never been a HUGE hater of small talk. at worst I found it boring and pointless, but I always sort of understood the point. i didnt hate it with a passion, like AUTISTS, who cant understand it AT ALL and are ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED by it.

so yeah I guess in general I don’t mind small talk, its just a way people can be FRIENDLY or at least POLITE to each other, at worst, and at best, like with her, it really helps build a connection and can lead to Warm Fuzzies.

took some nyquil BEFORE going for the walk. then went for 3.6 mile walk. i wanted to approximate the idea of smoking mj then going for a long walk, which was my real wish.

im just not GREAT at small talk so it makes me NERVOUS so thats the main reason I dont like it. but i can appreciate what it is and what its good for.

and with some people, like her, or muh close friends (which I don’t really have any anymore) i am VERY GOOD at small talk! but complete strangers, not really.

i dont really want any more acquaintances, i want more close friends, hahahaha. all the people who were once my close friends are not any more. some there has been mutual drift. others have pushed me away with their ridiculous behavior (although I have not Thrown Them Away and will still respond to them). and she was one of muh close friends once. i WISH we had just drifted away.  I WISH she had turned me off somehow. like would I have continued luving her if she became a ridiculous alcoholic for example. sure, id probably want to save her. whereas my male drunk friend, i’m not in LUV with him, and he’s been kinda hopeless for a while. just back and forth, up and down, rehab and back, and now its increasingly obvious he has no real desire to stop drinking. he is occasionally coerced and strongarmed by the people who care about him to get help, but you gotta have the desire within. he doesnt have it. i did. i honestly wanted to stop drinking, or i guess i did want TO drink any more, after the shame and punishment of the DUI. Sometimes now I think gee what if I could drink again, but I get over it pretty quickly. a LOT quickly than its taken to get over HER hahahaha.

 

EXCUUUUUSE ME FOR TREATING THE PEOPLE I DO THE LIFE CREATION PROCESS WITH LIKE HUMAN BEINGS

june 3

had dream about a woman, thank god not THAT woman, but that “one who got away” in college and i regret not making an effort with her because she was cute and nice to me and not a high number whore at that time. she would have been fun to cuddle with and make out with and hang out with and maybe have as a GF hahahaha. she was really cute and white as hell. and nice and never bitchy.  and not a high number slut hahaha.

so in the dream she was showing some interest in hanging out with me, but I was very busy for whatever reason, and I was worried that by the time I would be ready to hang out in like a week, she would no longer be interested.

i guess i could have met her for like an hour and said listen babe i am so busy, i got exams and I am applying for grad skool (we were still in Kollige in the dream). I can give you an hour right now but next week we can spend some serious time. I will make you dinner and shit.

well that would be too supplicating hahahaha and she would lose interest anyway.

heh the best way to keep her interest, when you worry she might lose interest in a week, is to just meet with her for an hour in your busy life, bang her HARD, then be like baby, i got to get back to WORK, im an ambitious successful man making good deals, so call me next week and I will bang you twice as hard. see ya wouldnt wanna be ya hahahaha.

that is the proper response to that. of course you’ve ruled her out as wife material immediately because she gave it up to you too fast, because she ALWAYS gives it up too fast. technically its HER fault but a woman would NEVER admit when antyhing is HER fault.

but yeah she was cute, and nice, and not stumpy or potatoey, and had beautiful white skin, very cute face, very nice body, she was always laughing and smiling and never bitchy to me, she liked to partake MJ too. I wish I had just hung out with her, partook MJ, watched movies and chilled with her, before she became a crazy careerist slut over 30 hahahaha.

WELL….I was conflicted, because my male friend had actually dated this gurl around that time. He was done with her by that time and probably wouldnt have minded at all if i wanted to give her a try hahahaha but I just felt weird about it at the time. he was a truly a good guy and I had a good connection with him and i hope he is doing well, and found a decent woman and became a father. I would worry about him falling for a crazy bitch though.

so THAT is my excuse, also I was honestly involved with drama with about 3 other women. no i wasnt banging them. yes they were all rejecting me hahahaha. i did make out with 2 of them though. but I didnt even THINK about this other woman. and so naturally now I worry that she is “the one who got away.”

well she didnt REALLY get away. She only lives 60 miles away from me. except now she’s 30+ and has taken a lot more dix.

hmm. turns on TRS forum has become the Hottest Alt Right forum on the internet and you now need to be INVITED to even sign up. dayum. this just happened in the past month. so you plebs can’t see the posts and you just cant sign up. you need to be INVITED by a full member, like me hahaha.

applied for part time job at local university. this is prob muh #1 dream employer but it is nto easy to get a job here at all.

this is the univ i should have gone to, just got a damn business engineering math degree hahaha. the school is pretty srs, they even offer medical (DO) degrees now. possibly even an MD but for sure DO.

so anyway in that dream, there was no touching or fun. the best was i saw the gurl for like a minute, then was stressed the whole time whether or not i would have another chance. i was not sitting there in the dream hanging out with her for hours and cuddling or making out or anything. just 95% worrying that it was over before it even began hahahahaha.  this is normal for my dreams hahaha. and my real life hahahaha.

ok 6 job applications today. i dont have any interviews coming up and got to get some more in there.

ok you want a phone number from a job i had over 10 years ago. fook you. I will write NA and the program will accept that for the required entry hahahaha.

ya god damn dumb shitty bitch hahahahaha.

hahhaha i used to censor ALL bad words. now i just censor fook. because who gives a fook. your wife has a mouth like a sailor and has had 10000000 sailors IN her mouth.  salty seamen hahahahahaha.

and i can be plenty offensive without saying fook hahahaha.

how about when you want to get out of a long ter relationship that obviously is important to the other person, you tell them SORRY and you say yeah I know it hurts to end a long term rel. we had a significant long term rel and i acknolwedge it meant something to YOU at least, so I am sorry to hurt you.

acknowledge that this relationship meant something to me. acknowledge muh pain. understand that you meant something to me.

i think she DOES uderstand all this. against, its just a matter of cowardice. lack of moral courage.

well, the good news is, once you get used to doing like at least 5 stupid applications per day for a few weeks, it becomes a less excruciating routine. you just accept it and copy and paste and look shit up. it gets easier in other words. no less stupid, but easier.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAa

here is a great idea:

sometimes job sites limit you to the number of documents you can upload. SO you simply make ONE document with ALL your documents innit.

its amazing the majority of people are employed!

well wait a minute, actually they arent. alot of people are students.

alot more than half the people are making less than the average money per year, which is like 34 grand a year.

oh sorry its like 28 grand in 2011. per capita income. which is like 14 bucks an hour.  which is less than the fight for 15 hahaha.

horry sheet i was making MORE than that!!!! SHE was making more than that! WE WERE ABOVE AVERAGE!!!!!!!

Listen to me! show some remorse! show some sympathy! show that I was important enough to you to do something courageous for ME!!!

that the relationship was important enough to YOU for you to show a little backbone in trying to do the good karma thing. treat ME like i meant something to you, treat the relationship like it meant something to you. cuz i think it DID. it WASNT all in my head.

june 4

yeah its just discouraging and horrifying that somebody can be by your side and totally with you…..and then just detach and distance themself from you. they dont care about you any more. the warmth and caring they once gave to you and which you enjoying so much and was so valuable to you, you dont get any of that any more, and they give it to other people. they could care less about you. and its all your fault because you pushed them away hahahaha. everything is always your fault with women.

this is so disgusting. because like women falsely accusing men of rape cheapening the real rapes, women blaming men for EVERYTHING kinda cheapens those times when men really ARE at fault, and they beat and abuse women. and then kind gentle men who would never abuse women feel horribly guilty for doing something to push a woman away, and they feel like they are on the same level as the guy who beats his wife and molests his children.

i wasnt courageous enough. well she was even less courageous. i was courageous enough to talk to her. that’s all the courage i wanted from her.

oh well you live and learn. live and learn hahahaha. next time i get feelings for a female friend I will tell her. check in early and check in often. tell them about this cautionary tale and say, we should talk about this every month just to check in. it can totally happen and I dont want my life to be ruined again.

i mean i want the person i marry and have chirren with and spend the rest of muh life with, i want to feel about them the way i felt about her. a total, all in commitment. it was an EASY DECISION TO MAKE, because I was THAT certain. I want to be that certain about someone.  its this uncertain one foot out the door bullshit that causes j00ish degen bullshit like open relationships. people treating human beings like objects hahahaha. devaluing human life in every way.

its the man who is always so strongly anti abortion because MEN understand and respect the value of human life. women just see it as an inconvenience to muh body muh choice. muh freedoms.

and she can talk to her co workers and be like yay we have the best team ever i luv all u so much, and not care about me, and let me drown. i used to be more important to her than just some fellow co worker, then I got downgraded from real life friend to work friend. THAT HURTS!!!!! have you ever been DOWNGRADED from real friend to just work friend? it SUCKS. you have a RIGHT to be UPSET about it. it HURTS a LOT.

and you still see the person every day at work so its not like you can avoid them and pretend they dont exist. because you see and hear them every day.

well she thought she could avoid me and pretend i didnt exist, even though she saw me eery day. She was willing to do that. I was not willing or able to do that AT ALL. because I wanted to talk to her, I didnt want to avoid her, plus i could see and hear her. it drove me CRAZY REALLY FAST.  yeah ok i  reacted very emotionally but she COULD have not avoided me like that.

i dont blame her entirely….but i do blame her partially hahahaha.

there is a huge void in muh life and really the only thing that can come CLOSE to filling it is MJ hahaha. I always found something comfy and cozy and intimate and warm fuzzy from using MJ. that was really my relationship simulator, or relationship substitute.

it was a lot better than having some bitch run through the relationship simulator with me hahahaha. cuz MJ can’t leave you and break your heart hahahahahaha. and you can do something long term with it. it will always be there for you hahahahaha.

also i dont appreciate being treated like a Weird Stalker who deserved to be avoided, when I was a Longterm Friend who just wanted to Talk about a Mutual Problem.

now my judgment is off, and i will feel like a weird stalker for wanting something PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE.

heh. my judgment is off enough as it is, especially regarding wimmin.

this loss might be worse than a death, and it might even be worse than CHEATING. cuz there’s NEVER a good excuse or justification for cheating. you can EASILY make the cheater into the bad guy, and hate them, and get your closure that way. that dirty awful cheater didnt deserve me. but when they just leave you….you are left with nothing. but confusion and self doubt. and there are valid reasons for just up and leaving someone, namely they are abusing you or being really bad to you that you just need to ESCAPE them. so you start to think you were like that. you blame yourself a lot more.

sure you ALWAYS blame yourself for being too omega and too phaggy and too feminine and too weak and that MAKES them lose interest…..but this is different than merely losing interest!

also, you can lose interest after 2 months, but its kinda hard to lose interest after 2 years.

2 years is a LOT different than 2 months.

i just want someone to say yes i know this hurts you a lot. your pain is valid. not something like well you shouldn’t be so upset about her. maybe not, but i AM, so ACCEPT it. and dont tell me not to be upset.

its not THAT hard to understand.

i mean shit if i could force myself to not be so hurt by this, dont you think i would have DONE IT?

back on TRS once again. so many great threads there but I dont really want to share them outside of the forum, probably a bannable offense, and I dont want to be banned hahaha.

ok I will post this tho:::::

QUOTE

When people talk about “being in love,” they are generally talking about the 3-18 month period at the beginning of relationships where floods of exciting chemicals like oxytocin, adrenalin, dopamine and serotonin hit people like a bag of bricks whenever they’re around each other/think about each other. People’s brains do this to reduce inhibition so they’re more likely to procreate. “Being in love” is fooking intoxicating and you basically feel like you’re on drugs just by being around another person + sex is usually involved so that’s pretty great too. That said, this altered state eventually subsides and normal thought patterns take over. At that point, the continued success of the relationship is determined by how compatible their interests, goals and personalities are. So after the initial burst of passion period, the rest of a relationship can be defined by a general fondness for one another and the appreciation of a shared partnership and hopefully the cooperative experience of raising children.

tl;dr: love as portrayed in movies is real but it fades with time because its measurable physiological effects are just there to get you to put a bun in her oven. The second stage of love takes a more effort to maintain since you’re not just riding a high together but it’s calmer and really quite comfy.

END

in response to an 18 year old autist asking about is it possible to really feel true luv or is that just another j00 lie.

NO ITS NOT. And its sad that these young men dont know that, because they have never felt it.

but this response, from a proper mature whyte man, is very very good. true luv is real, but its also ridiculous, and you should expect this honeymoon period to end.

MY issue is, it never did. with me there was never any secs involved or the shit ended well before i was ready. well before the 18 months. shit i wish they DID last 18 months! the FEELINGS certainly lasted 18 months, but the “rel” ended WELL before that.

well shit ok i am past the 18 month mark from when i first fell in luv with HER, which was like in sept 2014. now it is june 2016 and i have made some progress hahaha.

 

SHOWING ANY NEED AT ALL IS NOT BEING TOO NEEDY / PEOPLE WHO HATE CHEATING CAN STILL EMOTIONALLY CHEAT

TOOT TOOT!! GR8 EFFORTPOAST COMING THRU!!!!!!!

real australian tier qualitypost here hahaha.

i do honestly believe tbh fam that this post is in the top 20%, if not the top 10% of Raw and Insightful Insight, of Emotion finally losing a bit of its steam to Logic and Rationality and Cool Heads 2 Save the day.

0221

yeahhhhh buddy.

dear person: (gonna try doing this a little more. something about the idea of addressing directly to her. because i have a ton of things i want to say to her, and she has nothing to say to me, and REFUSES to listen to what i have to say, but i can still say it anyway. just not send it to her hahahahaha.)

how could you. i mean COME ON. maybe not 3 years but definitely 2.667 years. close enough. COME ON. didnt you care about me as a person AT ALL? I really thought you did. maybe you did but you just HAD to avoid the confrontation aka communication THAT badly. well thats on you, not me. i cant MAKE you WANT to communicate. i cant MAKE you WANT to show me that you care about me as a person.

i cant MAKE you understand that you thinking i BETRAYED you is unreasonable and not the case. you never WANTED to hear my side of the story. you never WANTED to think that POSSIBLY you might be misunderstanding this whole situation. and then made up your mind to NEVER listen to my side of it. a person that had been in your life for 2.67 years. i just cant understand how you can turn those feelings off like that. i know you were distancing, but i thought there was SOMETHING left there. the memories, and not just that, but the ROOTS, the fact we still saw each other every day and were cordial to each other. couldnt you have just LISTENED to me and said SOMETHING in response to that? how can you just get RID of somebody you knew for so long, and had slowly BUILT a relationship and a foundation with. you cant just throw that away, it doesnt WORK like that. its a horrible thing to do to a person. deep down i think you KNOW this, but you cant bring yourself to even LISTEN to me and to even make a statement about what you feel about all this. i cant keep contacting you because the ball has been in your court for a long long time. plus i need a lot of no contact in order to heal. but you can still contact ME and let you know that you listened, that you cared about me, that you didnt MEAN to TMALAPOG. i TOLD you i felt TALAPOG and it would have been really nice if you responded to that just saying you didnt MEAN for that. but you didnt even do that. didnt even lift a finger. didnt even send an email or a text. and we texted all the time, you text people all day long, how could you not even send ME one text, when we had a long term rel established.

I KNOW it was in trouble and things were bad, but thats no excuse. rights and responsibilities. you cant just give up on a person liek that. thats kind of abandonment. nobody likes to be abandoned. youve been abandoned, you know how horrible it is. dont do that to ME. i trusted that you cared enough about me to not do that to me…..even if we were having problems.

this has left me so confused and devastated. i have so much i want to say to you and you refuse to listen to any of it. i would like to hear what you have to say, but you refuse to tell me. how do you think that makes me feel? how could you not have anything to say to me about this? you obviously have some feelings about it. you dont throw someone away and not have strong feelings about the matter. you have to have something to say to me, so just say it. it would help me process this and get better closure. sure closure ultimately comes from within, but it doesnt HAVE to be so one sided. you can help me out a LITTLE bit. im not asking for a LOT. just give me a LITTLE. i think a 2.67 year relationship deserves at least a LITTLE bit of effort and communication and sharing and respect and caring and not being thrown away and abandoned and forgotten. i cant forget it. i dont think you can forget it either. just share your feelings with me. even if a lot was one sided, you were a part of this relationship too, for a long time. just treat me like a human being and not a forgotten piece of garbage. i wasnt just some random piece of garbage revolving in an out of your life in a matter of months. we were friends for 2.67 years and we got along great and you told me things you’d never told ANYBODY. doesn’t that mean anything to you? just communicate to me that that meant something to you, that I meant something to you. you meant a LOT to me, and right now you’re telling me I meant NOTHING to you. this has devastated me. you dont have to share my feelings. im not asking that. just tell me i meant SOMETHING to you as a person, and that you didnt MEAN to hurt me so much, that im not a piece of garbage to you. cuz im not a piece of garbage, and you, someone who is so important to me, sure treated me like one, and i never saw this coming. there was no warning, no red flags that you would do this to me. i tried to give you big hints that my feelings to you had changed, and im pretty sure you picked up on that. i wish you had just commuincated with me about that. i can handle my feelings being rejected, but i cant handle being rejected on this much deeper level. a human being reduced to a disposable object, a nonhuman. NOBODY can handle that. thats much worse than a standard normal rejection. thats not the way you reject people or end a relationship? what say you? NOTHING? ive never experienced this before.

ending a relship is always painful, but ending a relship this way is 100000000 times MORE painful. i have reached out to you to please choose to act differently, meaning simply just write to me and tell me how you feel, tell me i mattered, tell me youre listening to me and thinking about this, tell me i didnt betray you, tell me our friendship mattered, that i mattered, that i have worth and dont deserve to be thrown away.

/end for now hahahahaha

that kind of shit. see i already feel .5% better hahahaha.

i need to learn to SELF SOOTHE better, to calm myself down and convince myself that everything will be all right, i can handle this, i can get through this.

thats how you get confidence and my confidence is REKT right now. i dont feel i can DO ANYTHING.

that awful job didnt help. i prob could have kept my confidence up if she werent there. but the double whammy was too much. she eroded my confidence to nothing, and i needed a decent amount of confidence to do my job. which was constantly solving weird problems where i had incomplete information and unknowns all the time. but i needed to project confidence and say yeah i got this, ill fix this. i just couldnt even fake it any more. fake it till you make it they say, and that was very true here. but it got to the point where i just couldnt even fake it any more. faking it was not helping me make it. i couldnt fake it long and hard enough to the point where i finally made it.

well, i started to. but then shit hit the fan with her. and this was the type of job where the new stuff never ended. it was a constant stream of new stuff. you couldnt just learn the stuff and then rest on your laurels. the new stuff just kept coming all the time, you were always like a babe in the woods. you had to KEEP faking it till you made it on the new stuff. i guess what im saying is there was too much new stuff. i couldnt get a handle on it and that drove me crazy and weakened my confidence and competence as well.

im not very mature, i am very emotional, hysterical and neurotic like a damn woman….but do women HAVE to be SO bad? SO immature? i was way more mature than she was here. except for my hysterical emotions harming myself, basically K’ing myself symbolically in a way.

like if women are so emotionally immature they can totally destroy someone emotionally and be emotional infants…..how the hell can they continue living their lives, ie doing their damn jobs for 50 hours a week and not getting fired or quitting?

i mean there is talk in the Alt Right that women should have never been given the vote, becuase theyre basically not emotionally mature enough to vote. i just dont know.

they’re not emotionally mature enough to treat people well and handle normal relationships, thats for sure!

but they ARE emotionally mature enough to handle a stressful confusing job 50 hours a week and not get fired for completely fooking it up?

but they definitely fook up relationships and other people?

i mean if she fooked up her JOB as bad as she fooked up our rel, she would have been fired on the SPOT, just like she “fired” me on the SPOT.

and really the job was a lot HARDER and more complicated and confusing than a damn rel. all she needed to do was communicate with me a little bit. and the job involved communicated with many people all day on many complicated confusing unknown issues. you can do THAT but you cant talk to ME at ALL??????

see it continues to boggle the mind.

basically if you can do that job, you are probably intelligent or stable enough to vote, i would think.

i dunno. i just struggle a lot with the idea that Women are too Emotionally Immature to handle Relationships. and that you as the man have to take ALL the responsibility to guide and lead them at ALL TIMES. i know men and women are different, but is it really THAT bad? shit i can lead and guide 75% of the time, maybe even 90%……but during TOUGH TIMES, i NEED a little reassurance from the woman. can’t they put in even 10% of the responsibility in a relationship?

i had a dream last night with woman2012 and it didnt really bother me at ALL. i would like to get to that point with woman2015 and i suppose i will. by 2019 hahahahahahahaha. in the dream i saw her and she was like yep im just really busy with work, working 2 jobs, this is my one day off to just kinda recharge, cuz otherwise i’m ALWAYS working, 60 to 80 hours a week, its intense.

i was just thinking, i would need a LOT more than 1 lousy day a week to recharge!!!!!!!!

basically i would try to recharge the second i got out of work, to the second i had to go back to work…..and it wasnt enough. i didnt have ENOUGH time to recharge even for a damn 40 hour a week job! cuz the job took THAT much out of me, and i wasnt ABLE to recharge when i got home. i wasnt REALLY “recharging”, i was just CONSTANTLY WORRYING about the job, even when i was OFF of the job. also i was worrying about other stuff too, like her. who i would see at the job every day. but i couldnt get her to hang out with me outside of the job. any more. i used to be able to.

i used to be much more confident and masculine and cool with her.

but i wish that bitches wouldnt BAIL on you the SECOND you lose frame and start showing even a little bit of weakness or need. then you’re TOO needy.

showing ANY NEED AT ALL is not being TOO NEEDY, bitches!!!!!!!

you were in a damn 4 year secsual monogamous longterm rel with a man and lived with him!!!!!! you were mature with HIM, why couldnt you be mature even just a LITTLE with ME???? where we also had a long, good, relship? just because it wasnt SECSUAL??? it doesnt matter! we were still close and intimate in other ways!!!!!!

well this is a red flag in itself: that she is SEEKING intimacy with OTHER MEN WHILE she is with another guy:

she was essentially EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on HIM, with ME!!!!!!!!

That is still a weird thought to me.  because i am so AGAINST cheating in all of its forms, but i never thought of it like that.

i would have been angry if i was him, for her to be making Good Friends with New Guys and hanging out with them. but then again i am the jealous type, and i would expect to be Judged As Wrong for being Mad about that. she can hang out with whoever she wants! its not like shes CHEATING on you!

so i was focused on the possibility of physical cheating, that i didnt really think about emotional cheating.

and what she was doing to HIM with ME, Was arguable Emotional C H E A T I N G.

i dont think she realized it; i certainly didnt realize it; because she hated cheating, and i hated cheating, and i was so happy we agreed on that.

people who hate cheating can still emotionally cheat.

you can still emotionally cheat even if you dont realize youre doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am just realizing that NOW, 7 months after shit ENDED with her.

was she emotionally mature enough to realize she was on the thin ice of potential emotional cheating? OF COURSHE NOT!!!! absolutely not!!!! she was and is a nice person who would probably never willing cheat, but she is also ignorant and immature and frightened and dumb and confused and wrong, so………that will be a problem for all of her good intentions.

it should NEVER be underestimated that her use of the herbal j00 is also emotionally compromising her and confusing her. shit i am confused enough WITHOUT the stuff. that is a big deal, a big topic, and im of two minds on it. i luv it, but its love hate. i recognize the cons, which MOST people who partake do NOT, and live in DENIAL of the serious cons. like her. she would be in denial.

i thought it was kewl and great that my Perfect Angel and I could one day cuddle together and Blaze It Happily Ever After. that would have been a good pro. but it was not to be. and in fact it probably just made her MORE emotionally immature and emotionally retarded and emotionally wrong. easier to convince herself of the retarded conclusion that id betrayed or wronged her; and also that stuff enables you in AVOIDING CONFRONTATION. which she did NOT need any extra enabling on. it makes you AVOID RESPONSIBILITY, AVOID doing the right thing, makes you morally weak, even if you have the best intentions. i say all this from personal experience too! been there, done that, got the tshirt, literally wasted YEARS of my life on MJ and regret UNTOLD amount of potential and opportunities wasted because of it!!!!!! yet i am STILL drawn to it because it makes music better and gives you Calm Warm Fuzzies once the Anxiety and Dread wears off. but it probably makes you more anxious in general even once you quit it.

no not all MJheads are like that…..just me. hahahaha. plus i think a lot of people are in DENIAL. heck its easy to be in denial because you want to keep enjoying it.

anyway you think a WINNER like The DON is smoking MJ every day? fook no, he doesnt even DRINK. his brother threw his life away on drinking btw.

tl,dr: the MJ is ABSOLUTELY clouding her mind and judgment even if she doesnt think it is, and ABSOLUTELY had some role in why she did what she did to me. HURT me. intentionally or not. MJ makes people with good intentions do bad hurtful things they probably wouldnt otherwise do. fook yeah in that way it is destructive. i destroyed myself when i was younger with it; and with it she destroyed our relship. don’t believe the j00 media’s LIES that it is a Misunderstood Medicine.

No. W33d is For N1993rs. Have some SELF RESPECT hahahaha (line from american history x hahahaha)

i can say all this because i’ve been there, i’ve PAID THE PRICE. oh lawd have i EVER. you only learn this lesson long after the fact.

heh. love hate. like whose afraid of virginia woolf. see they hateloved each other. they hated each other all day every day, but at the end of the day, they loved each other enough that neither one of them said IM DONE! IVE HAD ENOUGH! and just walked out on the other.

call it an unhealthy attachment or codependence; i call it loyalty and true luv hahahahaha.

because their unhealthy codependence showed that they were still committed to each other on some level. no one was about to ABANDON the other. they wouldnt THINK of it. so this WILLINGNESS to still be with one another, means that with Healthy Communication (which they did not have!!) they might have resolved their hatred for each other, and dealt with the death of their son in a mature, healthy way. EASY PEASY.

so yeah its telling that THEIR relship was imho way BETTER than what OUR relationship turned into. all because of her unwillingness to communicate, or commit essentially. she de-committed from me entirely. i had no IDEA the EXTENT she was decommitted. I thought she still CARED about me on a fundamental level, underneath all the anger. and her inability and unwillingness to show any caring…….was more than hurtful to me, it was DEVASTATING.

google how to deal with abandonment

i mean the other women who left me, sure they DISAPPOINTED me greatly, but i didnt feel this sense of total abandonment. its amazing what one little talk can do in that regard.

oh its not abandonment because……i was too naive and needy and immature to get too attached.

SO THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU GET TO BE SHITTY TO PEOPLE.

its not really shitty, its all in your mind that its shitty. i was just done with the rel, its YOU who THINKS its SHITTY. thats all in your MIND.

THIS is why i want to take this to dr phil court of rel law and have them PROVE thru the EVIDENCE that YES it WAS shitty and YOU, she, is GUILTY OF BEING SHITTY. Guilty of an Honest To God Relship CRIME.

like oh i cheated on my husband but thats not shitty, its all on him for GETTING MAD about it. he doesnt HAVE to get mad. its a matter of PERCEPTION. if he learned not to get mad about his wife being nonmonogamous.

see how this is a slippery slope to absolve yourself of ANY responsibility? NO its NOT ALL PERCEPTION, SOME things are GENUINELY shitty and this is one of them! you cant just do ANYTHING to anyone and blame it on THEM that they are PERCEIVING it.

well they CHOSE to get MAD about it.

because YOU HURT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

I might try to read this somewhat awesome seeming post aloud into my recorder so i can use it as a spoken word voie recording affirmation to listen to at the Gym or elsewhere. the main things to remember:

i dont care how emotionally immature women are supposed to be. they have to have a LITTLE responsibility. she did not even show a LITTLE responsibility.  the situation was hopeless.

it IS not just a subjective matter of perception. there is right and there is wrong, and what she did was very WRONG. damn moral relativism is a big reason i Left the Left. there is actual morality. it doesnt need to be religious per se, but right and wrong objectively exists, and can be measured and judged. and abandoning a friend of 2.67 years while they ask you to talk to them, and you just block them and leave them, is wrong as hell.

its a very fooked up thing and it would legitimately HURT ANYONE. it would hurt a confident normie quite a lot and turn them into a needy underconfident neet. and it hurt me even more. also i was not expecting it. there were red flags from her, but NOT indicating THIS. i had no indication that something THIS bad was just about to happen.

this takes time to get over, at least a year, but with no contact, and maybe some more writing of letters directly to her, i will eventually get over it and STOP wanting to be with her, and become available to have feelings for other people. where i will use the lessons i learned here, to have a decent rel with them. lessons like, communicate about feelings very early and very often. interrogate them with direct questions like a damn police detective hahahaha.

ok.

that feel when you should have lost at least 1 pound during the week but you have only lost .4 pounds in the past 7 days. BUT i can “lose” like 3 pounds a day, prob due to Water Weight and Coffee Weight. you can lose a POUND just by URINATING. get up in the morning, take a 2 pound P1ss, and THEN weigh yourself hahahaha.

dear person: i hate how you can just SIT THERE and MOVE ON with your life like you did nothing wrong. you want to get fooked by exciting new guys from tinder? you never used to be a whore. now you are. but whats just as bad is that you cant even ADMIT that what you did was WRONG. you dont even CARE about the karma. and i thought you cared about karma. we talked about karma. i thought you truly understood karma. well you didnt, regarding me.

i saw you be kind and loving and giving and committed and loyal and how you TRIED with other men. i thought you would TRY with me, to at least treat me like a valued friend. try not to hurt me too much, try to ease my pain. but you didnt lift a damn finger. just say you acknowledge that you hurt me. dont blame it on me and my perception. what you did was wrong and hurtful regardless of perception, because its undeniably wrong to treat a PERSON like an OBJECT like this. to treat a person as worthless. to treat a friend of 2.7 years as worthless is even worse. it doesnt MATTER that i got feelings for you. and also feelings are not a BETRAYAL! they just happen sometimes when men and women are as close as we were for as long as we were! we were close and intimate in a way! you shared some emotionally intimate things with me. i didnt share as much with you but i shared a little. and i appreciated your trust. i never betrayed that trust, never would. and getting feelings is NOT betrayal. i didnt have ulterior motives. i was just a friend who got feelings after a long time. i dont know entirely WHY i didnt get them earlier, well it was because you were dating somebody, and i hate cheating, and i dont like the idea of breaking people up either. i didnt LET myself get feelings until you were done with him. and remember i didnt encourage you to break up with him, like i wanted to get with you! i encouraged you to TALK TO HIM and work it out! like you should have done with ME!

and i think you DID talk to him and try to work it out, like you should have done with me, but DIDNT!!!!!! at least with him you communicated and determined the relationship could not be saved, and ended on much better terms.

didnt you WANT to end things with me on GOOD TERMS? I wrote to you and asked you, please lets end this on good terms!!!!!! and you said NOTHING! how could anyone not want to end ANY relationship on the best terms possible? why would you want to spend your life hating someone? and now i am spending way too much time being upset with you and how you ended this! and i blamed myself too, a lot. do you think i deserved that? to blame myself as the bad guy, for making this happen? I didnt MAKE this happen!!! i wish you could UDNERSTAND THAT!!!!!! i wish you could understand your role in this, and just say or do something to show me more respect and kindness. yeah you MADE me feel bad, because you showed me NO respect!!!!! when you disrespect someone, it hurts them!!!!!! i never disrespected YOU like this!!!!!

just show me you CARE about me! you cant stop caring about a person like this! you used to care about me! you can STILL care about me as a friend even if you dont share my feelings! im still the same person! care for that person! me! i didnt change at my core, just my feelings towards you did! yeah i KNOW thats uncomfortable and weird for you, its a little weird for me too! but dont PUNISH me for it! read this article which explains that its normal and natural for men to develop feelings for their female friends or vice versa. didn’t YOU ever get feelings for a male friend? how would YOU react if they did to you what you’re doing to me now? you would be quite hurt i guarantee it!!!!

dear person: another thing i was upset about was how you treated me like i did something horribly wrong. so naturally i felt like i did something horribly wrong and i felt very very bad about that. i didnt WANT to do anything wrong, especially not to you. i was shocked that i could do something so wrong completely by accident. i was desperate for a way to make amends to you and show you i was sorry. but i also disputed that i actually did something that wrong. one friend getting feelings for another really isnt a crime that needs to be punished. its not a horrible thing or a form of betrayal. its uncomfortable and weird and awkward sure, it can lead to the end of the friendship sure, but its not a horrible thing that you need to blame and hate the other person for. in fact this just makes it worse for them! if i could choose not to have these feelings i would! i didnt want to complicate our friendship like this! but complicating the friendship is not the same as me committing a malicious crime and deserving hate.  yes i understand how you could view this as a kind of betrayal or something you should hate me for, like i was lying to you or hiding something from you, or that i had a dual intent or hidden motive from the very moment i met you. i understand that. but i swear on this entire rel, on everything that is sacred to me, on the white race, that this is just not true. my feelings only started after you broke up with your long term boifran. maybe if you were available when we first met, i might have gotten feelings earlier. i just cant say. thats not how it worked out. maybe i was forcing myself NOT to have feelings, because i respected the integrity of the relationship you were in, i respect all long term relationships inherently, because i hate cheating and i think monogamy is the best. i wanted to see your relationship succeed with that guy.

would i have gotten feelings if you two stayed together? if you got married? i cant possibly say. even if i did, i wouldnt try to interfere with your relationship. i just dont do that. i have too much respect for the institution of marriage and long term monogamous relationships to ever interfere in one.

anyway the point is, its not a CRIME to get feelings and there are much different ways to react. please try to put yourself in my position. i didnt ask for this. but sometimes feelings just happen. you cant really choose who you get feelings for, or choose to turn those feelings off or on. the best thing you can do is present the feelings openly and talk about them. it affects us both because both of us are in this relationship. a friendship, especially a close and good one, is definitely kind of a relationship. i just wanted our close friendship to be even closer, where we could share even more things with each other. this would involve me sharing more of my own self than i have done before.

what if you got feelings for someone, and they treated you like you committed a horrible crime against them? not only would your feelings be rejected, but how would you feel if they treated you like a monster just for GETTING feelings for them?  its like rejection on top of rejection, insult on top of injury.

its not wrong to get feelings. it matters what you DO with those feelings. if you break up somebodys relationship with cheating, thats obviously wrong. if you lie to the person and pretend you dont have feelings, thats kinda wrong too, though not nearly as much so as cheating. there are degrees of wrongness here. cheating is super wrong, not being forthcoming about your feelings is just a little bit wrong. also, sometimes you are afraid of showing the feelings because youre afraid of rejection. it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there in the face of rejection like that. so i dont think its WRONG to feel hesitation and fear there. especially when you might not be JUST rejected for your feelings, but you yourself totally rejected as an inferior, horrible, shitty person doing a horrible shitty crime. which its NOT.

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm

not entirely relevant article, but it does talk about the experience of sensitive people feeling difficult emotions.

ive told you i can be sensitive and have strong emotions. i know this is not manly so i try to not share these feelings too much, or to make a conscious effort to be less emotional and more manly. but sometimes its just too much to hold back. like now.

anyway its not inherently wrong to get feelings for another person even if youre already IN a relship. its what you DO about this. here, the right thing is to probably stop seeing that person, and to work on your relationship with your partner.

this is not the greatest example because i was not in a relationship. but you were. but i didnt HAVE the feelings when you were. it was only when we were BOTH not in a relship that my feelings came on.

however also at that same time i suspected you might have started dating another guy. yeah i messed up because i should have just asked you about this. and also told you about my feelings as soon as possible.

but then things ended with him really quickly. i mean everything was moving very quickly, too quickly for me to really keep up. there was a period between june and october where everything was moving very quickly and was all jumbled and confused.

i dont know. maybe you thought i was being sneak and scheming and waiting until the perfect moment to strike, and felt i was some kind of sneaky predator in that way. all i can say to that is i swear on the white race i was not scheming, and basically my feelings were starting at the same time your relationship with the second guy was ending, and yeah i should have talked to you more about that, but it all happened pretty fast. it was the timing. just general timing of your life and my life and the things going on for each of us. the timing was not great. meaning when i finally got actual official feelings for you…..you might have been “single” but you were definitely emotionally unavailable because things had JUST ended with the second guy. but if you could start dating a guy so soon after a 4 year relationship, i guess i thought maybe you could date me in short time after a 3 month relationship.

so yeah i wasnt waiting for the perfect moment to strike. because the timing of everything was just bad. however i KNEW we had to talk about this already. thats why i was always bugging you to hang out. really i was just asking you once every 2 weeks, which i dont think was bugging. and also we used to hang out, so it was a fair assumption that we would hang out again. really i wanted to TALK about everything, the tension that was starting to brew.

yeah i can understand how you were frustrated with me, but please put yourself in my position and see that im not a horrible person, i didnt do a horrible thing, and i dont deserve to be treated like this, and that to be treated like this is extremely hurtful. i have been heartbroken before, but never this bad, this long.

yeah i was bad and afraid to communicate and the timing was bad. you can blame me for being afraid to communicate, but arent we all afraid to communicate sometimes about stuff like this? also i dont think i deserve to be blamed for just getting feelings. also i think that being afraid to communicate is not such a crime that it warrants being punished by being completely abandoned. mayeb you are just afraid to communicate with me the way i was afraid to commmunicate with you. okay thats fine. but give me SOMETHING. write me emails the way i have written you emails. ask me to hang out the way i have constantly asked you to hang out. then we could TALK about this in a stress free environment. but why were you avoiding me for so long? if you were mad at me, couldnt you just have talked to me rather than dumping me in this awful way? see how i cant stop writing you long emails? its because i have so much i want to talk about, but cant. cant you please just write me a long email at least, if you are afraid to talk? its ok to be afraid. but please try to break through that fear. even a big coward pussy like me can at least write emails. and i eventually told you how i felt. and i was consciously trying to give other signs, like texting you more, and telling you how important you were to me, making you mix cds, being more intimate in the way i talked to you, basically acting like someone who had feelings for you, because i did!!!!!! i KNOW you noticed a change in my beahvior! that change was entirely because of, a result of, a symbol of, my new feelings for you!!!!!

so you ended it in such a harsh way because you felt betrayed by me. but listen to me please, try to see how this might not be a betrayal, how much this hurts me, how i NEVER wanted to hurt or betray you, and that you have the power to change this, by just talking to me. i cant do it alone. if you can accept that i didnt betray you, then you can be more compassionate to me in the ending of this rel.

and the only way we can work through this idea of betrayal, is to talk about it. but i dont feel i am being heard or listened to or empathized with at ALL.

/end for now

QUOTE

[–]mib5799 2 points 1 year ago
This is the problem with relationships.
No communication.
A little bit of proactive communication would have answered this before it happened.
Here’s the ACTUAL answer.
Cheating is breaking the rules.
What those rules are in your relationship? I don’t know. And because you never talked about them, NEITHER DO YOU.
Everyone else here is answering what they believe, which is why the answers are all over. They’re telling you their own rules, which are not yours.
Communication is the only way out of this. You have to talk to your partner about what’s going on, and where the limits are, and where you’re at now, and where you’re going.
This is the only real solution.

END

http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/how-to-have-a-good-breakup

QUOTE:

The more direct you are, the more considerate you’re likely to be. Imagine a scenario where you break up with someone by avoiding them, or drifting away, or even putting all your flaws on display in the hopes that they’llbreak up with you.

Not only would that show a lack of compassion on your part, but it’s might also make things harder after you breakup. So, while ending a bad relationship is sometimes the right choice to make, it really is worth trying to do it as kindly as possible.

While it may seem harder, being direct is a much more compassionate way to leave your lover. Be clear that you want to end the relationship, and show your soon-to-be-ex-partner that you care how it affects them. It won’t be entirely painless, but you’ll have a much better breakup as a result [1].

END

[1] Sprecher, S., Zimmerman, C., & Abrahams, E. M. (2010). Choosing Compassionate Strategies to End a Relationship. Social Psychology, 41(2), 66–75.

http://my.ilstu.edu/~czimmer/Sprecher_Zimmerman_Abrahams_2010.pdf

full text of article BOOM!!!!!!!!!

no fooking bustle or frisky or collegetimes or thoughtcatalog women are wonderful BULLSHIT that tell you you do whatever you want and be a fookin narcissist with no regard to the mans feelings. but fookin phds in relationships. yeah i know phds are just as pozzed and degen as The Frisky hehehe.

but really there is nothign super great in the article and it is written in the shitty way of an academic article hahahaha.

https://about.illinoisstate.edu/sprecher/Pages/Research.aspx

dr susan ((((sprecher)))) phd might have some other stuff worth reading tho

Close Relationships Research Laboratory? Sign me up for a PHD with my new Favorite Faculty Adviser! illinois state phd here i come hahahaha.

http://www.iarr.org/

international association for relationship research hehehehehe find some more phds like docker sprecher

Compassionate love. L. Bormans (EDs), The world book of love: The knowledge and wisdom of 100 love professors from all around the world. Lannoo publishers (2013): 64-65.

scholars writing articles for a “non scholarly” book. basically just what i am looking for.

http://www.theworldbookoflove.com/en

http://www2.hawaii.edu/~elaineh/71.pdf

sprecher, measuring passionate love, the Passionate Love Scale oh lawd

i could call her on her cell phone number which she lists on her CV hahahahaha

NO im not gonna do that, i hate making phone calls hahahaha BUT mainly because the very idea is ridiculous and creepy and im not THAT fooked up!

Sprecher, S. (1994). Two sides to the breakup of dating relationships.Personal Relationships, 1(3), 199-222.

yep there are two sides hahahahahah. i just want her to feel a little more pain hahahaha like i am. but i dont want to be the one to hurt her. i want her to WISE UP and realize for herself that she was WRONG. i did NOT betray her and she should NOT have done this!!!!!!

how do you clear up misunderstandings? the two people NEED to TALK. maybe even with a marriage and family therapist. which i was willing to do hehehehehe.

she wants ME to feel bad for…..well she wont tell me exactly, but for being a cowardly communicator, and for a sense of betraying her.

i want HER to feel bad for abandoning me.

maybe i am misunderstanding her just as horribly as she is misunderstanding me. i didnt betray her! well she didnt abandon me!!

oh lord i thought i had made some progress today, then this…….

this is EXACTLY why i want the Court Of Relationship Law to hear the evidence and render a VERDICT.

we are both misunderstanding each other. difference is, i am dying to understand, i am dying to talk and work towards an understanding. she is not.

i want to hear her side of the story. she does not want to her my side of the story. and yeah i very much WANT to tell her my side of the story. she does not want to hear it.

i wish i could throw people away so easily and get on with my life!

NO I DONT. i really DONT want to get so RETARDED AND WRONG that i cant even discern betrayal correctly, and i never want to be able to treat people like fooking garbage objects.

i mean BETRAYAL is a heavy ass thing. when in doubt, i would just assume its NOT betrayal, that its probably just a damn misunderstanding. i dont even think what she did to me was betrayal per se. i am willing to view it as a huge misunderstanding. why cant she do the same for me? especially when what i did was so much LESS worse hahahaha. its just being afraid to talk about feelings. everyones AFRAID to have a difficult conversation. she avoids the shit like the PLAGUE. she avoided me every time i invited her.

1008 calories consumed today, 908 calories burned at gym hahahahaha. = 100 net calories and a big WARNING from myfitnesspal.

MISREPRESENTIN

117

my ind is always racing about worries, all day. jobs, then it switches to the woman. THAT PERSON. back to not being able to enjoy MUSIC any more. thats a telltale sign. a dead giveaway. i used to listen to music for hours a day. now i am THANKFUL if i can listen to 10-20 minutes a day of music and really ENJOY it. its like I SHOULDNT listen to music with all these pressing issues i need to figure out.

but you see? i worry and worry and think and ruminate and racing thoughts about them, but i never actually figure them out or resolve them! i might as well use the music to force the worries out of my mind, cuz the worries being in my mind all day do nothing to make those issues better!!!!!

i would be REALLY happy if i could force myself to go to planet fatness and sign up today. i just want to walk on the treadmill during the dark and cold winter for a few hours sometimes!!!! to not get super fat, and to burn off some calories and maybe some Worries.

and it would also be good if i could Get Over my fear of going to a public Gymlike place. shit. this is planet FATNESS where the average person is going to be fatter than me, this is not a GYM.

there are TONNES of fat people who just want to walk on the treadmill! i would not be some freak!

that is another protip of life. physically speaking, just try to BLEND IN, if you do not have the Super High COnfidence to present yourself to the world as a Freak in some way, be it thru your ridiculous fashion style, or whatever. and certainly you do not have super high confidence if youre reading this! think of the stereotypical Fat Gothic Loser. these arent so prevalent now…… well ok how about a Fedora Neckbeard Trench Coat type guy who just LOOKS like a virgin loser.

when i was young, i made myself look like a freak with long hair and a messy beard. because i liked long hair and beards. there is nothing inherently wrong with that, long hair and beards are pretty cool, but i did not have the confidence to pull it off. it only took my whole Youth to figure out i look better with a short beard as opposed to a long beard. as for the long hair, i havent had long hair in 11 years, and i would kinda like to grow long or even medium length hair, but now i am Balding, so, I have to accept and live with that.

for example recently i was trying to grow a long pointy goatee, but since muh beard grows sideways and asymmetrically….. i basically can never grow a long beard and have it look like anything but garbage. i can have a shorter beard and it looks ok. lesson: always keep beard trimmed short. but i wanted a LONG beard!!! cant do it, without looking weird, and i dont have the confidence to look WEIRD.

this was a weird mixture, esp when i was young. i was STUBBORN in insising that long hair and beard looked cool, but looking like that also decreased my confidence, made me more self conscious, all combined made me weak socially, esp with women. in fact when i cut my hair at age 21 i had a surge of confidence and shortly after made my first Real Gains with women.  didnt last long but still! it was something.

so now i was trying to have a goatee, and its so hard to trime the chin area. i FINALLY have a decent Moustache area for once in my life, but the whole right side of my face, the entire beard grows SIDEWAYS and i cant change that, thats natural born. lots of men get this, its not uncommon. honestly the best you can do is a short beard.

also i am gradually balding, but i am not so bald that i can get away with doing a Razor Chrome Dome. the shortest i can go is a level 1 Buzzer. even that is pushing the limit. level 2 would be less extreme. and my whole point is, sometimes the healthiest thing for us is to NOT go extreme, but just BLEND in with the normies and degens. basically dont draw NEGATIVE ATTENTION to yourself, you already give YOURSELF enough negative attention with all your low confidence and negative thoughts about yourself!!!!!

super low functioning. i was higher functioning when i had my job, but then i went nutters. god damn. and even then i wasnt high functioning enough to be attractive to women.

who cares if youre attractive to women?

i say you cant help it. its wired into you. all or most men WANT to be attractive to women. we WANT to reproduce. be GLAD that you still care about women in this way. it means you still have some sort of spark deep down.

plus it means youre not a sociopath, and you still care about getting consent for sex hahahahahahaha.

by that i mean you are still attracted to women, of course, but you are still nonviolent, humane, and nice enough to not want to raep them hahahahaha ie you only want sex with them if they want secs with YOU. well, i mean, of course you WANT secs with plenty of women who dont want secs with you, but you KNOW BETTER that to take them by FORCE! but you wish more women wanted secs with you. you wish you could make yourself more attractive to them.

you have exactly 5 minutes to give me a damn good explanation of how what where and why writing stuff

LIKE THIS
I
K
E

T
H
I
S

started happening. I think it started on 4chan or some chan like most memes do. that should be enough EXPLANATION WHY, yes? NO, i want to speak to your manager if you dont give me a better explanation. cant do that tho. uhhhh managers not available.

so think fast. ok gonna have to go to google. but how do you google that exactly?

“writing things in a right angle like on 4chan”?

couldnt find shit. i first saw it on /pol but who knows if thats where it started. i cant give you a good origin story. i ended up reading unrelated articles such as the playlists of henry rollins radio show. i used to like rollins but now he’s gotten too old and tame and lame and leftist, however he has compelling musical tastes, and should probably spend more time talking about music than political stuff hahahaha.

ok trying to pump myself up to go to planet fatness and sign up. maybe i should take a valium. if the employee gets flustered because they havent been trained, i will say, thats ok, thats not your fault, i know that feel, take your time, etc.

did a 5 miler

ok i did go to planet fatness and signed up. they asked for a checking account to deduct my monthly 10 dollar payment from i said err i dont have one, can i use credit card, he said nope gotta have a checking account, i said allright no problem, i’ll bring the info in later, he said no problem, just do that and gave me a tshirt and a membership card. it took less than 5 minutes. the place was not packed on a saturday afternoon at about 130 pm. not packed.  i should have asked him if i could use a savings account. he would have probably said no because that would be a tricky question because its not clearly documented by the Documentation and FAQs for his 9DAH PT job and i didnt want to get him in trouble by bringing a Manager into it.

heh i am of the age where i should be a Manager at whatever shoddy place, like Fast Food or Retail or a cheap pseudo gym hahaha. but i am still competing with the 20 year olds for entry level 1 jobs because i am a huge loser at life hahahaha.

so i came home and went for a 5 miler and then logged into The Member Portal and changed my Billing Info from Nothing, to my savings account, and it appeared to take it. so hopefully they dont give me sheeeet when i go back there. i am thinking about going back there now! when i looked in there, the treadmills were not super duper occupied.

i worried about That Person. That Woman. and fairness vs unfairness. it IS unfair when a beta male passes himself off as a NiceGuy in order to have Secs with a Gurl in exchange for Nice Points. or otherwise pretend to be Just Friends when really he wants to pound dat pvssy. so the gurl rightfully gets mad at the guy for MISREPRESENTING himself, being a coward, being deceptive, being a liar, being a trickster, bait and switch, scammer, sleazebag, weasel. so in that case it is justified for the woman to get angry and perhaps even to throw the guy away like garbage

(see the Mill Woes vidya linked last post, this is what he gets into, the video was not about what i thought it was going to be about, it was about kinda what im talking about now: beta niceguys who misrepresent themselves, and men who agree to have secs with gurls who are cheating on their boifrans. so it wasnt as great of a vidya as i thought it would be, and kinda even seemed like MW was “WHITE KNIGHTING”, if i didnt know him better hahahahaha)

anway the beta in question feels he cant compete with all the competition out there, for women, so he wishes there were much much fewer men in existence, so he didnt have as much competition, and therefore could finally get women. he also didnt have a problem being the guy who women cheat with, on their boifrands. MW said the cheated-with has some responsibility, as does the actual Cheater. I would agree, BUT i’d say the Cheated-With only has 10% of the blame there. because yes the cheater will just find ANOTHER man to cheat with. and if you are DESPERATE for secs, you will TAKE the offer, if the woman is even slightly bangable.

now you would never want to DATE that woman, cuz she is a damn dirty cheater. and after banging her a couple times, you might find that you feel guilty enough about the poor sap being cheated on, and not so desperate any more, that you dump the B and be like i will not be a party to this treachery, i’m not that desperate for pvssy any more that i will take a dirty cheating whore and make a cuck out of that poor guy!

just to address the points MW made.

anyway MW also talks about those kinds of niceguys who misrepresent themsleeves, then the woman gets mad.

I DIDNT MISREPRESENT MYSELF!!! to That Person. but maybe she THOUGHT i was, so thats why she reacted like this.

but…….then why didnt she get mad and throw me away EARLIER then? they way it happened, it was a BOILING type thing. sort of slow boiling.

who knows. i’ll never get answers because we will never talk about it.

anyway i agree that misrespresenting yourself is tricky and shitty and you should be punished for it by being brutally rejected. so when i was brutally rejected, i figured, well i must have been misrepresenting myself.

but i wasnt really.

  1. my feelings changed, and i wanted to hang out with her and talk abotu the change, with a damn conversation. communication, and once every two weeks asked if she wanted to hang out
  2. but right away i CHANGED my behavior and signals to her, texting her more than before, being more emotional and lovey dovey and stupid than before, acting like I liked her basically!
  3. then she NOTICED that change
  4. and in response started distancing

however without my acting differently, then it looks like i was MISREPRESENTIN.

but i was acting TOTALLY DIFFERENT! I was acting like i LIKED her! not like i was TRYING TO HIDE something!

hmm looks like planet fatness makes it REALLY DIFFICULT to cancel a membership and can manage to scam HUNDREDS of dollars out of you even after you THOUGHT you cancelled hahahaha.

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/health_clubs/planet_fitness.html

this is a great site, i enjoyed reading the negative reviews of my former employer and how they scam customers too. i dont think customers should be scammed!!!

how do you deal with an angry customer who feels they have been scammed?

and from what they say, it really looks like they’ve been scammed?

do you just say, you signed the contract lololololololol dont let the door hit you on the way out, we got your money sucker!!!

i was TRYING to show THAT PERSON that my feelings had changed, and i think she DID notice, thats why she TURNED AWAY. i wasnt trying to TRICK or SCAM her. In fact, signals werent ENOUGH for me, i wanted to say the words to her mudshark face, I LIKE YOU thats why i’m acting like i like you. and the fact that she never wanted to give me the time to do that made me get more and more tense and worked up. if i were trying to SCAM her with a LONG CON, i would probably be more chill about biding my time, no?

no i was like I GOTTA TALK TO YOU NOW OR ELSE I AM GONNA BREAK DOWN!!!!!!! and i did! and then i finally told her everything via email. i think she read that email at least.

but yeah i am going through a cycle of i want to contact her again. well, thank god i dont feel that EVERY DAY anymore, but in the not too distant past, i certainly did feel it every day! and now couple days go by, i dont wanna, which is good, but then i want to again, which is bad. contact her that is.

its like a …..

pain time get over it

i just drew that in paint. i think the squiggles should be even taller than they are here. notice the squiggles vs the more staright gray line which would represent more of a general trend over the long term, but god damn its up and down violently day by day, hence the violent squiggles. and they should be even more violent than pictured here, but i cant draw fookin good in pain in 2 seconds. take it or leave it.

shit i dont RESPECT women who have sex with men too fast! but all women do!

then when i was friends with her for months and years without having S, i figured she was slow with ALL guys, so that was prob part of why i respected her! but fact is, if she meets a guy she thinkgs is SEXY, she probably has sex with him within a WEEK of meeting him! even though she’s only had SEX with like 2 or 3 guys so far….i would not be surprised if that number rapidly increases from here on out…..

see i didnt WANT to have SEX with her right when i first met her.

but what DID i think? i know guys Evaluate women sexually first thing.

well, i said, she is a pretty girl, i wouldnt mind having SEX with her, it would prob be fun, but i have no desire in TRYING, i am still getting over this other girl, in fact, i first met That Person RIGHT after getting Rejected by the previous woman. so i accepted That Person as being technically attractive and bangable, but i just didnt care about it. i was still kinda heartbroken over the previous woman, the only person i really wanted to have S with.

and then i began getting along with That Person very natrually.

we gradually became friendly.

then i learned she had a long term boifran.

i still thought she was good looking but i didnt really care, it didnt bother me, cuz i was still getting over the other woman; plus it felt WEIRD to think of my friend that way, even if they were a decent looking woman; AND i had NO desire to interfere with her rel. i guess i put myself in the friendzone at this point and i was JUST FINE with it. didnt lose any sleep, wasnt chomping at the bit to tell her my secret, wasnt texting her with lovey shit.

so it did make a big difference when she ended that rel and Became Single. by that time i was pretty well over the previous woman and now was a good chance to really Examine Why Would This Be Weird. the fact that she was no longer in the rel made it ultimately seem much less weird. and that did it i guess.

learning about her New Boifran was a CATALYST, but it was NOT the Root Cause. the Root Cause was her breaking up with her old long term boifran.

it still took a few months for me to get through the “weird” phase but I sure did.

i wasnt misrepresenting myself, i was trying to represent myself through the signals and the texts and to show her id changed.

and she probably noticed, because then SHE changed herself!

so she can’t say i misrepresented!!!!! so therefore she had no right to be as mad at me.

unless she was just upset i had feelings for her at ALL, misrepresented or not.  that was probably what happened.

good comment on the MW vidya:

Finarfin 1 day ago
+clangerbasher I think it’s no surprise or coincidence that the Millennials aren’t having children. Further to that, it’s a kind of relief they aren’t, as damaging to our race as that may be. I don’t think they have it in them (the males) to look after children, especially infants. I can tell. They’re too self-absorbed (too selfish tbh), lack toughness (that translates as nurture to children and the weak – you have to be tough, with yourself, to be empathetic), aren’t even aware of what’s required – which is as well, because they would run even further if they did.

I can tell because I see it in my own son (aged 28 and thankfully childless), my friends’ sons, my nephews, etc. They can’t really look after themselves fully, let alone kids. My heart would be in my mouth at the thought of babies with these young men.

Sorry boys, you’re all well fucked up now. Even your ability as fathers has been erased. It’s all very tragic. You’ll get to aged 40 and beyond and be so cold and alone.

I accept that a hatchet job has been done on you and on any resolve you might have once had to fight against it.

//////end quote

maybe it was because when i was first becoming friends with that person i didnt blatantly ASK her if she had a boifran. probably because i was not used to talking to gurls, and also many times the gurl will mention their boifran IMMEDIATELY. even gurls you are not interested in. you just know which gurls have a boifran and which dont. maybe because she was very slow to mention the boifran, i assumed she didnt have one? how did i feel when i first discovered she had a boifran? it took like at least 3 months from when i first met her. 4 or 5 even. why didnt she mention him? why didnt’ i ask? well like i said, most women mention their boifran right away. unless they are having trouble. which they were.

anyway point is, the boifran usually comes out at an opportune or natural time, usually near the beginning, usually by the woman, unless shit is bad or the woman is weird or untrustworthy.

but i think she honestly loved him! she made an effort to make it work with him! she probably never would have cheated on him! so why was she so slow to mention him? i guess after a while i just ASSUMED she didnt have a boifran??  i honestly dont KNOW when i first became aware, nor HOW.  maybe she DID say something, but i KNOW it wasnt something like “MY BOIFRAN” , i think she said something like “my friend” or “the guy” or something that was more of a hint.

so then it was my fault for saying, “WHAT, YOU MEAN YOUR BOIFRAND?”

well at any rate it eventually came out and we were TALKING about it pretty openly then, her talking about their issues with me. so i became the crying shoulder but i didnt care, cuz i didnt secretly want her. if i DID, i might be pissed or annoyed or tense. at this point i just viewed it as Supporting my female friend. and listening to her, being there for her, and encouraging her to keep working on her Rel.

then he dumped her, i think. then i thought well i might leave her alone for a little while so she can process this. and also so I can process the idea of her being single, i never knew her to be single, maybe i could get feels for her. then i DID, and by then she was dating another guy, but that ended QUICKLY. but then she never agreed to hang out with me ever again. which was weird because we USED to hang out. then she cut me off.  so yeah i was a little angry about that.

i dunno i am in a contacting her sort of mood. i WONT, but i WANT to, i WISH i COULD. even though i know i probably SHOULDNT.

im saying that I know best for what she wants. becuase she clearly doesnt know what she wants and needs to be told by me!

yeah pretty much! she will choose guys that dont care about her and treat her bad, and she wont choose a guy who would love her and treat her good!

well thats her problem.

also shit i dont even know what i want and need.

well, thats only PARTIALLY true. yeah my mind is foggy and my judgment is crap but it wasnt crap about her. I really wanted her, i was all in on that. i made up my mind.

maybe she was just damaged from being abandoned by her father and essentially being emotionally abandoned by her distant boifran. so that screwed her up. and she really didnt want me to get feelings for her, so when i did, she abandoned me.  but she DOES know how to talk to people, she talked to him, lots! but she loved him.

so why was she making guy friends? i dont think she WAS, it was just me, and we became friends because…….just because we got along so well right away, and had fun talking to each other! it was the most natural, Flowing thing ever. like a gift from GOD.