WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?

dec 3

https://www.youtube dot com/watch?v=C2hOJR0hIBY

this “woman” looks like a man, and should not be wearing something so unflattering, and looks part nonwhite, BUT she is appearing on redice, who are Legit Vetted Good Goys and worthy of support, talking about the evils and degeneracy of Jooish Pornography, so thats pretty cool. i just saw this, have not listened yet.

but with a great name like “PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY” I got a DOUBLE BONER and downloaded it IMMEDIATELY for listening very soon on a powerwalk! they just should not have put “her” wearing that in the thumbnail. jeez she is so ugly in that picture it undermines all of our credibility hahahahaha. still anything about PORNOGRAPHY: WEAPONIZED DEGENERACY HAS to be a good talk, good lesson, good message.

 

really you should listen to the three hour mix three times a day hahahahahahaha

when we were young, once in a great while we would find a song that was so mind blowingly awesome that we made a “mix cd” of that one song on repeat for 74 minutes.  this one would definitely qualify! although I was not aware of it at that time unfort. Oh I knew about the movie but had no interest in it and had no knowledge of the music.

here is one of those songs hehehe. for some reason we gravitated to ridiculous 80s style “cock rock.”

i am shilling for red ice today. now i dont like how this guest woman dresses like a HOOKER with the eye makeup and earrings and showing the tits, but uh i will try to listen to this one as well. but yeah even though henrik and lana are All Right, sometimes they do have weirdass guests who are jooish or antiwhite hahahaha so just because somebody is ON red ice doesnt mean they are automatically good.

but yeah what red ice is doing, creating their own alt right, pro white media platform/network, is exactly what whites need to do. create a white, joo-free media. our own news, our own tv and radio, and of course podcasts are a great part of this, and its already happening, THANK GOD.

yeah i know red ice did weird alex jones conspiracy shit years ago, but i forgive them hahahaha.

henrik and lana just need to have 3+ children and hire some white men to do red ice.

i would become a sustaining member of red ice but their prices are too damn high hahahahaha.

65 euros a YEAR?  that is like 66 dollars a year. i would maybe do 20.

i mean they DESERVE it, i just cant/dont want to dnate that much!

i mean its more for ME than THEM, so i can FEEL GOOD about myself, and really i need all of THAT i can get!

there is this catholic church sorta near me that is geared towards polish people, and i hear that polish catholics are some of the most hardcore Based Catholics hahahaha. they are proud of their polish blood and dont have open arms for a bunch of screaming asians and mestizos and browns and arabs which you see in many cath churches. plus i have some polish blood and love poles. love them. would love a nice polish gurl for a qt 3.1488 waifu. poland is definitely a top tier european country.

problem is this place doesnt just have one polish mass a week, they have nothing BUT polish mass and EVERYTHING is in polish, church website, church bulletin/newsletter.

actually this is not a problem at all, this is a fookin BENEFIT. cuz it means they are traditional and old school as fook.

so i could just go there and be like

¯\_ツ_/¯   ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯     ¯\_ツ_/¯       ¯\_ツ_/¯      ¯\_ツ_/¯

and say dzien dobry, jak sie maz (????), sto lat, dzienkuje, boze dobry, boze dobrze rzarzarzarza, ja nie movi polakiu, and then they would say oh look hes trying, how nice, then they could hook me up with their 19 year old virgin daughter who could teach me polakiu hahahaha and i could put babies in her for 14k a year hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit those women are TOO GOOD for me!

乁(⏓ ͜つ⏓)ㄏ

2016-12-03-20_36_03-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-13464295

this fookin guy makes a huge raise when he flops a pair of 8s. glad i agressively went all in instead of thinking he had AA and folding! or 88 or 66 or 22 hehehe.

no thats not 7 dollars and 45 cents, thats .00745 btc, which is…. 5 dollars and 71 cents. YIKES. well the price of BTC has gone up pretty steadily since i started playing this shit like 2 years ago.

so yeah if i had any BALLS like a REAL MAN i would have gone to this polish church 11 fookin years ago!!!!!!!

fooking reddit relships and their different secs BEST FRIENDS. you shouldnt have a BEST FRIEND who is the opposite sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and IM the weirdo and sexist and hateful racist violent trump supporter for thinking this!!!!!!!

or IM weird because i think open relationships are shitty and bad. im being too judgmental and intolerant of peoples valid choice.

well to be fair, reddit says that MOST people

dec 4

 

i am gradually warming up to emily youcis. normally i am very very very very suspicious of women in the movement, but she doesnt seem TOO bad. plus i immediately get more sympathy for the women once they LOSE something like their job or their freedumz. and so she was recently fired by k1ke company aramark (i applied for office clerk job there, no response hahaha) after working for 7 years selling pistachios at the baseball stadium. fired for “social media” reasons.

yeah i mean maybe this was part of her plan and she’s prob not gonna go homeless or sucking dick for a place to stay (not that most women dont already do that anyway hahahahahahahahahaha)

anyway. so i am always judging women for being hookers and sluts and wh0res and promiscuous and degenerate, but in the end, do those things really impact me directly? why do i hate sluts so much? that woman wasn’t a slut! she hurt me through ways that did not involve sluttiness AT ALL!

yeah well in the PAST ive def been hurt by women who were into the slutty casual sex mindframe. also i just find it very distasteful and immoral and degen and a sign of the cultural and spiritual degen which we must fix in our people. and yes it represents something i WANT but cant seem to get, which is given away so freely to Everyone Else but I am fundamentally broken and unable to obtain.

and also i am judgmental against the things that that woman DID do, like avoiding shit like a coward, i dont like that either hahaha.

ok well here’s a good point: at least i never really became a beta orbiter friendzone!!! or if i did, it ended pretty damn quickly!

it kind of proves that i basically will not LET MYSELF become a pathetic supplicating beta orbiter. i eventually have to rip the bandaid off and be like, here’s the obvious truth which i can’t believe you’re not seeing. I CANT GO ON THIS WAY hahahaha.

going to church on sunday today instead of saturday. going to church that is probably better than the one i usu go to. less cucky and marxist and antitrvmp and leftwing. less cucking for DIVERSITY and UNITY and VIBRANCY and all that shit. shit no wonder that church is full of weird asians and this other church seems to have more whites. shit why dont i just go to this other church regularly. or go to that damn polish church. IT DOESNT MATTER that i dont speak polish. i could learn and besides them speaking polish is a YUGGGGGGGGGGGE value add!!!!!!! its a GREAT thing!

yep starting new 13k job tomorrow. kind of a big deal. nervous. dont want to screw it up. dont want to look like a WEIRD IDIOT. just want to do a good job. not just a good job, but a GREAT job and really impress everyone.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit i should have been getting BOOKS related to my NEW FIELD the instant i knew i was hired, and devouring those books to get a good frame of reference, big picture view, maybe some small picture view too, reading the books The Director reads for his PhD, which is of course related to his masters degree and what he does now, The Department, what books are most relevant to this job and this department, thought leaders, bla bla. i quickly bought a book right now so that i could say i at least placed my order for the book before i started the job hahahaha but why i didnt do this 2 weeks ago so i could have had the books and started reading them by now…….hmm maybe i am not serious about making 13k a year with no benefits, maybe WALMART would be a better fit with my career skills.

dumped because he couldnt read the gurls stupid mind. i GUESS shes ENTITLED to dump him for whatever stupid reason she wants, but when the reason is THAT stupid, just candy coat it and dont GIVE an exact reason. i mean thats just a BAD REASON. just say I’m not compatible with you. it’s not you its me. that would be better than saying some stupid ass shit like that.

hehe i made the mistake of initially assuming the “best friend” OP of the gurl was another gurl. hehehe. sounds like he is deeply in luv with her and is in complete denial. but not looking at that, she still should not be Ghosting her friends.

i mean this guy is cringey and beta orbiter AF, and theres a very important lesson to learn there, but she still shouldnt be Ghosting him like a coward, throwing away 3 years of friendship, and getting her new bf to laugh at him and call him pathetic (which he is.)

dont be like this pvssy phaggot. but at least he is getting a CS degree so he might be making 30k a year by age 22. that is a pretty good move.  i mean its still risky because i worked with CS grads doing the exact same phone bullshit as me.

bonus points for OP having mad anxiety and panic attacks that feel like heart attacks and he is so confused hhahaha.

better when you are 21 than 31!

then reddit shreds this kid for being a sexist, creepy niceguy, which he kind of IS, but this ISNT the way to deal with that. you have to show some sympathy for these poor sad bastards. theyre not the bad horrible people you think they are !!!!!!!!

he doesnt need to “RESPECT” her wishes because they’re not respectable. just use the word ACCEPT. ACCEPT her stupid, unrespectable wishes, and let her get fooked by chad. the end.

grieve and have legitimate suffering because your friend of 3 years didnt give a DAMN about you as a human being. i feel your pain man. that sucks. this is the sympathy he’s not getting ANY of and he should.

anyway. i wish you COULD be Just Friends with a woman before Dating and Fooking and Relshiping them, because unless I am Friends with a Woman, i really just dont LIKE them. the way they approach Relships is degenerate and infuriating. I just dont like it. rustles the shit out of me.

I wish you COULD get to know a woman as a friend, be like this is a really good person and i like them, maybe I can try a deeper rel with them, i think they would make a decent GF or wife. i wonder if she will be willing to try that.

NOPE. NEVER WILL. thats what the friendzone is hahahaha. if you dont fook her like a n1993r within 2 days of meeting her, you dont have a chance with making her your GF or wife.

i just hate how the J’s are dumbing us down and jooing us down and morally corrupting us all down into n1993rs.

If you don’t like the word n1993rs, just call em animals. they are turning us all into filthy, dumb, dirty, disgusting ANIMALS.

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!!!! I AM A HUMAN BEING!!!!!

anyway yeah this reddit niceguy hate is just way out of line. niceguys arent THAT bad. have some damn SYMPATHY for them. save some of that judgment for the women, who in many cases are being huge bitches to the niceguys.

but yeah this guy needs to stay away from this gurl, and there needs to be more blame directed at HER.

when you are begging and bribing somebody to hang out with you. it IS pathetic tho! but its SAD. he doesnt even REALIZE hes in LUV with her. at least I REALIZED that. and i STOPPED contacting her eventually. let her run off and fook animals.

and yeah it would help that guy to go to a shrink, but good lord dont tell him you are SUPER FOOKED UP and must see a shrink NOW if you have any chance of not being a horrible person. they hate these nice guys almost as much as they hate TRVMP or WHITE PEOPLE.

i was thinking in an ideal world, i would just get a dr to prescribe me Medical MJ for Despair and Anxiety, just like getting an RX for Citalopram and Valium. Which I have already gotten RX’s for.

so in an ideal world, despair and anxiety would be legal medical Qualified Conditions for MMJ.  but they arent.

anyway i was thinking, go to semi shady MMJ doctor and be like listen, so i dont have cancer or back pain like most of the people, but i dont want to bullshit you and say i have CARPAL TUNNEL pain when i really dont, but here’s something I REALLY DO HAVE, and have taken RX’s for YEARS to PROVE it, i know they arent TECHNICALLY conditions, but…..hey i’ll buy ya dinner right now, you’re pretty hungry from writing recommendations all day arent ya goy? bubby?

the thing is, i could say that my TREATMENT for OTHER CONDITIONS causes SPASMS, and then i could get MMJ for that. yeah but it doesnt. but i think citalopram causes spasms for some people hahahahaha.

basically the TREATMENT for something Unqualifying, gives me a Backdoor into Qualifying.

but not really, because this treatment doesnt cause spasms or severe pain!

https://www.reddit.com/r/altright/comments/5e7rbu/emily_youcis_animator_of_alfred_alfer_ama/

meh i guess i will approve of emily, she seems to be sincere. hope her animation bcomes less degenerate and she seems to be aware that by joining the alt right and becoming pro white, you kinda HAVE to hold yourself to a higher moral standard and actively purge the degeneracy from your own life.

but she’s only been into this for less than 6 months! i have been into this for like 6 years!!!!!!!

heh i dont really care as long as she is sincere and doesnt stop being pro white. she talks about losing friends and such and purging people. this is good.  purge the dead weight and bad influences from your life. Traditional Morality will alienate you from degenerate animalistic losers. you dont want them to be your friends anyway.

fine i will HUHWHYTE KNIGHT for emily even though shes probably taken MILES AND MILES of dick, prob even nonwhite (no real proof.) but i am willing to forgive, if there is TRUE repentance.

well i dont really like these super big bewbs gurls plus she will probably start to get very potato looking when she gets older. but at age 26 right now she is pretty qt, would hang out with hahahahahahahaha.

i mean better late than never amirite. im no saint myself. you know what they say, all saints have a past and all sinners have a future!

i went to this other church this morning and it was 100000000000000 times better than the one i usually go to. not only was it less boring and faster, there were a lot more whites, some qt young white women as well! i mean i already KNEW this for at LEAST a YEAR!!!!!

like the priest at my regular church, nice guy, good guy, but a pathetic cuck shitlib who is soooo shocked at the hate and racism and intolerance of the whitelash, and desperately wants to overcompensate and Reach Out to Mudslims to show them Not All White Christians are hateful rednecks.

whereas at the other church, no mention of this stuff, just a bunch of happy white people, including many under-40’s.

all the whites at my usual church are well over 40 hehehehe. plenty of nonwhites.

shit. starting NEW JOB tomorrow. have been doing laundry. planning on bringing 1 dozen donuts tom morning. ask people about their families. ask about what are good books for me to read about this field. i am already reading bla bla by bla bla. here’s some donuts. do you guys drink coffee? i can bring in some folgers, i have some extra folgers at home. sorry its not top shelf, but i can bring in a little top shelf closer to xmas. heres some donuts in the meantime. how many kids u got. where are they going to college? tell me about your graduate program. what do you think about the 14 words hahahaha. so how about that election hahahahaha.

can i take a tough phone call right now? what are the toughest problems you get in here from your “customers”? whats the best way to bullshit them and give them the runaround and say it cant be fixed, it is what it is, you dont have to like it hahahahaha jk i know we go above and beyond for our clients wink wink nudge nudge amirite?

besides, everybody knows that when “it is what it is” just wont cut it, you have to bring out it is what it IS what it is what it is. then that fixes everything. that explains everything. that gets angry people to say OH NOW I GET IT, im so sorry for being such a huge bitch. now that i realise that it is what it IS what it is!!!!! see before, i was thinking it IS what it is.

mother fooking phaggot cvntz hahahaha.

i was thinking i dont DESERVE a woman Without A Past, because IIIIII have a past myself!!!!!!!!!!!

ok fine, but i DO insist the woman is TRULY REPENTANT of her degenerate past! says I am ashamed of my past, i never want to have another abortion, or fook another nonwhite, or have any more casual sex!!!!!! its disgusting and here’s why! I REGRET doing all that.

rather than someone that says oh that makes me who i am, i’m not ashamed, i have no regrets.

GOOD PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS.

shit I have tons of regrets, tons of shame, tons of remorse and repentance for all the degenerate animal shit IVE done. so I DO want THAT much from muh formerly degenerate waifu hahahaha.

if you dont have regrets, I DONT WANT TO KNOW YOU hehehehe.

the bad shit youve done SHOULD be regretted.

muh dbt book says to try not to be judgmental. notice all the times you make a judgment throughout the day, bad OR good, and just let them float away like leaves on a stream.  just observe stuff mindfully and without judgment.

this struck me as kinda weird. i can see trying to stop your bad judgments, but the good ones too?

i mean i make 148800000000000000000000000000000000000000000 negative judgments a day. every damn person i see i judge them. i was sitting in church watching the nice white people coming back from communion and i was judging each and every one of them harshy: fatty. f4ggot. dirty dago. ugly. fat slob. pig. dog. disgusting animal. sissy. nice haircut phaggot. nice manbun phaggot. nice potato shaped body. your kids are brats. your wife is a slut. you have dyed hair, you must be a slut. how many cox you take. how many black guys. how many abortions. wow, fat AND a smoker, youre in great health, you no self discipline weakling.

i mean its truly ridiculous how many negative judgments i make about people, many many many times a day. so YEAH i AGREE, trying to be conscious of that and not doing that would be a GREAT step for me.

really i am nowhere NEAR as HATEFUL and judgmental when i am with actual real people. i always think the best of them.

but from a distance, when i am alone just thinking of people in the abstract, or people watching people from a distance, god damn, its a hugeass hatefest!!!!!!

no not violent hate, but still very bitter butthurt negative pessimistic cynical recrimination!

and WHAT DOES IT GET ME?

HOW DO I BENEFIT?

WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME?????

NOTHING!

at a more moderate level, it would have been a natural response to people who have hurt me in the past with slutty or immature or fat or ugly or irresponsible behavior.

but the healthy way for me to do that is to say, ok, here are some red flags to watch out for, but im not gonna look for those red flags in EVERYBODY, and im sure not gonna get MAD about it if they havent done anything to ME.

but yeah. its like my automatic reaction to seeing a person, is to have a NEGATIVE JUDGMENT about them. this is not good!

fat, ugly, slut, phaggot, degenerate. usually one of those. douchebag, asshole, bitch, weirdo, autist, spazz, moron.

i cant stop judging people hahahahaha.

STILL, i INSIST that its worse for women to go out there and let themselves be used as pieces of sex meat, that it is for pathetic omega virgins to jerk off to jooish porn. because in one you have essentially two people hurting each other, in the other, you have one loser hurting himself.

but dont get me wrong, porn is horrible and i am ASHAMED and REGRETFUL that i ever looked at it. well, that i looked at it so MUCH.

and tbh, i was only a little above average i think for American Men Of My Generation. Many men are much, much worse. i was nowhere NEAR a Porn Addict.

hmm sorta watching this movie the lost weekend, i mean i had watched this intently a few years ago, and i think after i stopped drinking as well, and had gained some Understanding of the Baffling Cunning “Disease”, and i still found the movie disappointing and corny, and for some reason it seems better now.

i mean ive been on the straight and narrow path here for the last damn 7 years basically. no booze, a little bit of MJ though. not enough imho hahahahahahaha. gradually became more Alt Right, more JQ, less degen, more principled, just a better person hahaha. although unfort more of a virgin neet loser too hahahaha.

well its been up and down tho. ebb and flow.

was driving home and saw this fat guy and his fat wife in my neighborhood who are always sitting in their backyard smoking cigarettes and being fat, and i thought wow, fat and smoking, good choice buddy, and then i thought ok i shouldnt JUDGE him, he very well could be a very very very nice kind man, very courageous, very strong. nobody is perfect, me neither, and so he just happens to be a fat smoker. nobodys perfect and what if he’s very very nice.

how often do i need to bring in donuts? i dont want to more than once every 2 weeks.

you gotta ask the right questions. what if i ask the WRONG questions? what if i ask DUMB questions???!!?!

so show them i am smart by quoting Big Thought Leaders in this Education Related Field. I read some education books right? hehehe yes the only education books i read were “dumbing us down” by gatto and “the unschooling handbook” by some woman.

both very anti establishment sort of stuff. but which may be considered moer establishment in 2016.

i mean i really SHOULD be more interested in the Field of muh job. which all I will say it is SOMEWHAT education related.

so yeah i think education is bullshit ahhahahahahhahahahaha. all education should be handled by parents.

yeah well what about college level stuff. the job im doing COULD ACTUALLY BE LEGIT USEFUL to a HUHWHYTE NATION as regards “homeschooling” college/grad level material to Learners. It’s GOOD because it can put you into direct contact with Experts and Instructors while minimizing the JOOISH DEGEN (((((COLLEGE EXPERIENCE))))), i will just say that.

MINIMIZING IT!

so yeah this is actually a REALLY good position to be in and i shoul dbe  MOAR grateful!

maybe i should bring bagels instead of donuts? i mean i will actually eat bagels later if people dont eat them all. its easier to save and eat bagels later than donuts.

now you could still use this technology to deliver jooish marxist frankfurt skool degeneracy and mindkilling soulkilling poison into the brains of students, but again, its just a TOOL, that can be used for good OR for bad.

if it helps even one white neet get a good paying job one day, then its worth it.

so in a way, i am working in support of my Dream Career by Helping White Neets.  UP FROM NEETNESS.

well, if they are doing education, technically they are not a neet then hahahahahaha. well how about neets who are only involved in education, because its a LOT easier to go to college than to Get A Job. you just pay shitloads of money (take out loans) and go to some shitty school hahahaha.

honestly just go to your local community college. i PROMISE you its not THAT shitty. better than fookin DEVRY. talk about fookin SKYPES.

besides, to get a good job, you cant just have book knowledge and do good in online college courses. you have to be good with PEOPLE. CUSTOMERS. you have to have MAD CHARISMA and not be autistic!

so how do all these autists get jobs?

uhh the ones that dont get stem degrees from good colleges DONT! they become neets!

so would i feel more comfortable lying to the MMJ doctor about Carpal Tunnel or Back Pain, or Lying about getting Spasms from the meds i take for muh Severe Despair?

great now the poor beta orbiter kid who was in love with his female friend was bullycided into removing his post. because hes such a HORRIBLE PERSON. good lord they hate these pathetic niceguys more than they hate Raepists. seriously. right now he is probably blaming the shit out of himself for being such a horrible person. and he wont let himself grieve properly for a relationship that “didnt exist.” yeah well if he knew her for THREE YEARS it DID exist, no matter how close she felt to HIM, no matter what these degenerate bullies on /relships say.

THAT KID IS BACK ON THE ESCALATOR!

there is ANOTHER post about an opposite secs best friend at the top of the relships hotlist!

GUESS WHAT /R/RELSHIPS, WHEN YOUR “BEST FRIEND” IS THE OPPOSITE SECS, RIDICULOUS DRAMA ENSUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess you can be “friends,” but to identify as “best friends”? HELL NO.

sheeeeeeeeeit tuff times buddy. im sure reddit will say he is a horrible person for thinking he is entitled to something.

yep sad shit man. well at least you can do your JOB and shit you got a NEW JOB within 8 months of getting heartbreakingly dumped! so id say youre doing pretty well. just work 80 hours a week at your new job and smoke MJ the rest of the time. use MJ to bribe tinder wh0res into nihilistic secs hahahaha.

did i get jealous because they were leaving me, or did they leave me because i was getting jealous?

i think i kept my jealousy under wraps PRETTY DAMN WELL until it became clear they were pulling away from me, talking to other guys, and then i’d say i had a PRETTY GOOD REASON to get jealous hehehehe.

so yeah i dont eer push women away because i am “THE JEALOUS TYPE.”

heres a good quote from this one:

”   [–]PaHoua 4 points 49 minutes ago
If you’re the one broken up with, it is very likely you’ll take much longer to move on than the dumper. That person has already been “mourning” the loss of the relationship for a long time and when they finally came to terms with it is when they decided to commit to the action of dumping you.
Think of it like the five steps of grief: 1. Denial; 2. Bargaining; 3. Anger; 4. Depression; 5. Acceptance.
When she reached Acceptance, you weren’t even aware of what was to come. Then she dumped you. You moved into Denial.
This happened to me. I moved back and forth between all of the stages until I got into Acceptance. He was dating within weeks and probably earlier, whereas I remained in between stages for a couple of years.
It takes as long as it takes. That’s all anyone can tell you.     ”

wow a woman saying something very reasonable hahahahaha

 

COOL IT WITH THE ANTIHUHWHYTE REMARKS

nov 9

wow just wow, i cant even. you white people. so xenophobic and racist and sexist and misogynist. i need a mental health day to meet with my therapist. white people. so afraid to give up oppressing everyone else. i am sad and scared and ashamed. i cant even. i cant believe thsi is happening in 2016. those racist white boomers. white men. i thought they were dying off.

the leftist tears, shitlib tears, the moaning and groaning and its literally the end of the world. so fookin awesome. i dont want to be a sore winner or anything, BUT….. i mean i still hasnt sunk in for me, this is a huge fookin deal, i am just not used to this, i was totally expecting a hillary win, i still dont believe it.

but yeah to watch them whine about muh racism and all that shit they always whine about, but its worse now, but we won, the whites won baby hahaha.

of course not all trump supporters are deplorable racists like me. plenty go out of their way to be anti-racist. probably MOST are anti-racist.

but those shitlibs will call you a racist anyway.i just want to go to twitter and reddit and msm and all these sluts and catgirls.

well supposedly white women went for TRUMP. WOW. i would not expect any women to go for trump.

systematic hatred, voting for HATRED and DIVISION bla bla bla oh god i am so glad these LOSERS LOST. I dont want these people to think that their pathetic weak beliefs are correct. i want them to feel horrible anxiety and fear and hurt their fee fees for the next 4 years. hell yes i am a sore winner hahahahahaha. because these sick degen shitlibs are a fooking CANCER.

no not the everyday people that i see everyday. oh even the real life guy i know that is VERY butthurt right now and engages nonshitlibs in discussions of white privilege and legacy of slavery and structural, systemic racism, and who shakes his head at whites, total ta nehisi coates, atlantic, joo york slimes worhsipper hahaha. professional moving up in his career, making 50k+ a year. he is just so angry and butthurt and disappointed and will probably be complaining for the next 4 years. he is a white man who i have known for years and is a decent guy……but he will never be turned from his shitlibbery. now i dont think he is a bad guy and needs to GET IN THE OVEN like all these other sick traitorous shitlibs. even though he is a total shitlib hahahaha.

so yeah i dont want any harm to come to him because he is basically my friend, but i do enjoy his butthurt to some degree, like saying, yeah youre WRONG with all your BULLSHIT and us evil white men arent ready to DIE OFF just yet. welcome to the REAL WORLD.

but yeah all these shitlib millennials (and older) in joo york and all that shit, they can all hang for treason, hahaha. deplorable traitors.

i am hoping for r10t5 by ghetto blacks and browns, so law and order can come down swiftly hahahaha.

i dont think david duke won though, which is kinda suprising, i thought LA went strong for trump, i know they did.

well there was like 20 other republican in that race……dont they have a damn primary? i didnt know that. i thought he was the only repub candidate for senate.

literally shaking. giving side eye to all the WHITE PEOPLE i see. i just dont want to go out and see WHITE PEOPLE!!!!!!!! evil racist white people voting for trump, for racism, for homophobia and islamophobia and transphobia and guns and slavery and rape!!! the only thing that  that keeps me going is the thought that this is the LAST RATTLE of White Racism, and we just have to stay strong for 4 more years, then the WHITE MAN is DONE.

anyway. as a white person who never tried to be racist, who once cared about being anti racist, i gradually learned that nothing you could do was ever enough. YOU WERE RACIST WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT because you didnt bend the knee enough, didnt check your privilege enough. if you were white, these shitlibs saw you as racist unless you did everything you could to suck their dicks, like the punchable face weak phaggots you see in hillary events. and these White Dudes STILL have Internalized Racism bla bla bla.

i did natzi this coming but now shitlibs are really piling the hate on white women. that white women really sold out all WOMEN in favor of their white privilege. because trump did a lot better than expected with white women.

hehehe people saying “fook comey” and blaming comey for “reopening the email investigation” and that ruined hillarys chances, when there wasnt even any real news there hahahaha. so this was all a plan to make hillary look bad before the election.

i never unfriended anybody over their obnoxious political views hahaha. i mean this one guy would be a prime candidate, but i accept him as being a good decent honorable person at heart. with some horribly misguided views that he probably will never change unless some nonwhites start accusing him of being racist, when he is a huge outspoken antiwhite antiracist. a scathing rebuke by nonwhites antiracists antiwhites would probably strike a nerve with him. bbbbut im not racist! i check my white privilege! im sorry for slavery and its legacy! i understand systemic racism! i know all about housing discrimination! urban crisis! i cant be a racist! ive worked so hard to not be a racist! being a racist is the worst thing ever!

this is the common theme, they think being a racist is the worst thing ever. i would admit that it is not. i would admit openly i am “slightly racist. of course these antiracists dont appreciate that honestly, they think WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHY arent you working to overcome your own racism? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?

heh i will be amused just to hear these losers WHINE for the next FOUR YEARS hahahaha.

i have no precedent for this. still sinking in. still in shock. i didnt expect this. i expected hillary to win!

in 2012 i voted for mitt but also did not really expect him to win, but of course was slightly disappointed when barry won. but not NEARLY as disappointed as these shitlibs are NAO!!!!!!!!!

in 2008 I WAS the naive stupid immature shitlib voting for barry!!!!! and i was like yayyyy hope and change, this is so neat, progressive!

thankfully i got out of that. quitting drinking helped, i think it helped me Get Woke quicker. quit drinking in 2009, and i estimate 2010 was when i FLIPPED.

CA, NV, and MA have approved legal MJ! still waiting on AZ results. and maine.

uhhhh try not to dox but things got kinda heated in muh state, that is to say things were more exciting in this state than they have been in a few elections!

i wonder if it would be easier to sneak MJ out of Mass than out of colorado hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

defeated in arizona. still waiting on maine. well that SUCKS for arizona! i would be pissed if i were them.

anyway i would be super annoyed if i were on FACEBOOK and reading this guys posts, and everybody else hehehe. but then i would know exactly how shitlib my friends and acquaintances are. but do i really WANT to know?

if they are ALREADY my friends and acquaintences, well, good for them, they are GRANDFATHERED in hahahahaha.

of course i havent made any NEW friends since……..sheeeeeeit. years. That Woman, and this nice young man I used to work with, were the the only real new friends I have made since………………..i dunno 2010 hahahaha. and that nice young man im sure was a bit of a shitlib. actually he seemed Non political but if asked to make a decision as in an election, would prob vote for hillary.

yep i still read this sub hahahaha havent Tasted The Tears from the more political subs hehe. i mean its REDDIT, you know it is gonna get pretty YUCKY in there.

TASTE THE TEARS!!!!!!!!!!

white women, 53% trump, 43% hillary. i am honestly suprised here. i thought at LEAST 60% hillary for white women, basically all women.

American women voted overwhelmingly for Clinton, except the white ones

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/11/09/white_women_sold_out_the_sisterhood_and_the_world_by_voting_for_trump.html

so yeah WOMEN on a WHOLE voted for hillary, but WHITE women leaned towards trump.

THANK FOOKING GOD. Maybe it was WHITE WOMEN who were RESPONSIBLE for this.

basically this makes me feel a lot better about white women!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i mean not that i KNOW any white women who voted trump hahahhaahaa. well except this 47 year old woman i saw at this social event who has like 3 kids.

so yeah my friends and colleagues arent really EVIL…….but the people they want to lead them are evil hehehehehe.

im not even sure if the GOD EMPEROR has even spoke publicly since 3am in the morning. he sounded fairly presidential then but i am sure he was tired at the end of the night hehehe.

its kinda like an omega virgin falling in luv with a grill and putting the pvssy on a pedestal. rather than grabbing it hahahaha. our IMAGE of trump and what we WANT him to be are different that who he really is. there is NO WAY he can live up to our expectations. basically its very likely he will sell out and become a basic bitch establishment neocon like jeb bush or something. no wall, no jobs, no deportations, just a lot of tuff talk and no action.

i fully admit that could happen! and we will be disappointed.

but yeah i think even if/when trump disappoints, there will be other people like him, better than him, more alt right than him. he is just the beginning, but we do need somebody to be the first. when he disappoints, there will be someone else who does not disappoint.

so yeah i am fully prepared that he will sell out or soften in some way.

anyway last night in public there was still some hope that hillary would win. i thought hillary was gonna win. resigned myself hehehe. now these same people will be butthurt as hell today. i am going to a social thing tonight where the people will not be happy hehehehe.

oh well not my problem.

search white people on twitter

white guy saying white people are the worst, ugh,  i cant wait until white people are not a majority any more.

looks like we underestimated the evil white racists and this is a dreadful, disgusting reminder of how much power they still have, and how far we still need to go, in being ultra progressive degenerates. we need more tolerance and more progressiveness hehehehe.

theyve been saying this shit for years, but now they are at a fever pitch with it, AND they LOST. YOU LOSE.  its hard to be a good winner about it!

heh. i do want them to feel despair, i have felt despair for years. i want them to despair so hard they fail at life, lose their jobs, lose their rels, go completely fookin insane. but they already ARE insane! yeah but they are also VALIDATED by having good jobs and somewhat good rels! they need more rejection and defeat in their lives hahahahaha.

its just more funny to think of the white shitlibs i know. its like, is your life really ruined now? is this really SO bad? youre still here, youre still making 50k a year, you still have a gf or wife or kid, you still are respected and can cry with your intelligent educated shitlib friends about how horrible the white man is, go to your hugbox hahaha. this isnt really a a huge loss FOR YOU hehehehe. but you feel sooooo bad on behalf of the muslims and women and nonwhites and latinos and blacks who are being BULLIED by this playground BULLY. chad the white fratboy bully.

i mean you HAVE to be upset, to SIGNAL that youre NOT A RACIST!

only RACISTS are not hugely upset about this!

i wonder how much longer i will be able to hide. i mean i wont be bitching for the next 4 years like These People hehehehe.

unrelated but i hadnt heard this yet, pretty funny

dunno just havent had A Win in 12 years hahahaha and this is a much bigger win hehehe. i mean this is huge election, very important in history…..and i was on the right side of it. the right side of history. i wont tell my children that i was some whining shitlib on suizid watch hehehe. i will say yes i was one of those strong proud free white men hehehe.  then i never got a white wife and never had white children cuz they went for the more alpha trump supporters, of which there are many hahaha.

WHITELASH HAHAHAHAHAHA

i remember in…..2006 or 07 i had this idea of “white backlash” like white people that were so threatened and fragile. remember i was still a stupid shitlib and voted for obongo in 2008, while also getting drunk all the time and thinking that whites oppressed everybody and were afraid of all nonwhites. and then demonized and victim blamed their victims. and did white flight and moved to white suburbs and bitched about how shitty blacks were.

thank GOD that by 2016 I changed my views and got on THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY. hahahaha.

get ready for 8 years of WHITELASH and WHITESPLAINING.

HOPEFULLY the shitlibs whine and complain SO MUCH that eventually white people are like DAMN you people WHINE about WHITE PEOPLE so much,

COOL IT WITH THE ANTIWHITE REMARKS!!!!!!!!!!

thats kinda what set me on the path. nothing was good enough for these people. either you were antiwhite or you were part of the white problem. i was like, come on, white people arent THAT bad! cant i say one good thing about white people? white people ended black slavery. white people stopped hitler and ended your damn shoah. and its still not enough. because whites are the cancer of humanity, whites oppress everyone, whites are the worst. ok then.

that was a real thing for me in turning me. i just got sick of the antiwhite remarks. i dont hate anyone. i sorta even believe in white privilege. just…..stop bashing whites so damn much! jeez! we might be the cancer of the human race but were not that bad! i mean blacks, joos, and arabs are all pretty goddamn bad, we’re every bti as good as them hahahaha.

also becoming jq wise helped.

heh. this might help me get over That Woman.

I mean, its a YUGE thing, its a GREAT thing, a very POSITIVE thing.

getting a JOB would be another positive thing…….but thats been hard as fook. harder and longer than TRUMP going from a “joke” to GOD EMPEROR. DONT FOOK WITH US. THE SLEEPING GOY AWAKENS.

nov 10

dear god. try to use muh computer and turns out the fookin HARD DRIVE IS DEAD. well at least pretty sure it is. never had that happen before. it was making weird beeping noise. well, it turned on initially, then “disk” (not cpu!) was at 99%, so i tried to restart, ended up doing hard power off. then it wouldnt turn back on. gave error message about cant boot or something, check boot order, it basically was not being recognized. and it was beeping. for a few months before it has been clicking, i guess thats not good.

watched a few youtube videos, one showed that you could temporarily fix this by removing the hard drive and battery, then “reseating” them. I carefully found the hard drive (not difficult) and pulled it out (little moar tricky because didnt know if i was doing it right or breaking it). took it out, looked at it like a monkey, looked at the connections, looked at the label, blew on the connectors like a nintendo cartridge, tried to turn it back on, and same old shit. still beeping. cant get to windows. cant get to anything.

ended up making a Quick Decision. i need muh damn laptop!!!!! it is absolutely essential for jobz.

using previous laptop which is 4 times slower but the hard drive still works! its worked for 4 years and the new laptop hard drive only worked for 1 and a half! DISGRACEFUL!!!!!!

warranty was over after 1 year. figures.

who even KNOWS if it IS the hard drive? I am taking a gamble here.

but seriously folks. this old computer. its shameful that i let muh family use something that is SO SLOW. I just spent some money to buy some more ram for it. it still wont be fast but right now its so slow you cant even use it. you gotta turn off the antivirus just to type in blogs hahahaha.

basically can only have 3 tabs open. 2 gigs of ram. disgraceful. i cant LET my FAMILY use this! but they havent really complained about it. oh well. do the right thing. the hard drive is good at least.

anyway. went way over on cals yesterday, but stayed in the limit today. good. did 10 pushups today, good. only 2.2 miles of walking, meh.

went so far over the cals yesterday, absolutely obscene.

losing weight is 90% diet (what you eat) and 10% exercise.

fookin hard drive. i like the computer, just ridiculous the hard drive failed.

what if it didnt fail. what if it was…….the hard drive connector that is built into the motherboard. im assuming. i really dont like computers. i am just above average amerifat at working with them. good enough to make 15 an hour at a computer job…………..that is horribly stressful and involves being thrown into situations where you have to fix and explain shit where you have no idea what youre doing, being slammed by impatient and angry people ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

is that really worth 15 an hour?

had a dream last night that did not have HER, but it was like i was hanging out with people and we were doing a scavenger hunt and we went to a bowling alley i think and the instruction was, find the thing in here that reminds you of That Woman. There is one specific thing here that is a blatant reference to Her, if you really know her.

then i got all mad and was like you dont know her! you dont know her! all you people think she is so great but she’s not that great. i dont want to play this stupid game any more. she broke my heart. shes not some angel. i dont want to hear you saying how great and awesome she is. shes not THAT awesome.

so i was all butthurt. and everyone was like oh. well. sorrrrrrrrry. so you dont like her. youre a weirdo anyway. she prob had a good reason to dump you. she’s still a great awesome person.

then there was a woman with pink hair who may or may not have been her. i guess the idea was, i havent seen her in 2 years, and i wouldnt recognize her, ESPECIALLY if she got pink hair.  the pink hair girl was only in the dream for 2 seconds.

so then today i was slightly sad because i was like, wow, at one time we had a really good thing. and it went SO bad. i never wanted to hurt her, and i never wanted her to become so disappointed in me. she was a good influence in muh life, and her thinking of me as a horrible bad influence was HORRIBLE for my self esteem hahaha. you dont have to like me back, just dont think im a horrible person. i cant handle YOU thinking im a horrible person. that k’s me.

so yeah. when you lose a great person, and they treat you like you are a monster, its a lot harder than if you lost a shitty person, or they didnt treat you like a monster, because now you blame yourself so hard for pushing Your Perfect Soulmate out of your life and you have no one to blame but yourself.

but people ruin their own lives all the time!!!!!!! and they SHOULD blame themselves!

and people DO push people away ALL THE TIME!!! they abuse their longsuffering wife who rightfully leaves them!

so naturally i think i am one of those bad horrible people.

but im really NOT, but its hard to stop those thoughts.

so thats the hardest thing.

well it would prob be harder if we were ACTUALLY “dating” and i pushed her away from THAT. cuz i would have lost even MORE. and then i would have loathed muh self even MORE.

when really yeah i mean i was awkward and cowardly and WEAK.  but i wasnt waiting in the wings with ulterior motives like a nice guy. which is enough to legit rightfully drive a person away. and i hate that she thinks I am like that. but i can see how she could. but i hate that a person i care about things so low of me and she is gonna live with that memory of me forever. when im not really THAT BAD. and she was a great person i wanted to have children with hahahahahaha. a good white wife. and now i gotta find another one. that i have actual real feelings for. and not some thot hahahahaha. thot genocide.

but yeah whatever. i lost a very very very important person to me and they hate me and will remember me wrongly forever. no big deal. you can easily replace all that. hahahaha.

all these idiots think trump is FULL OF HATE. wheres the HATE i ask? how is he HATEFUL?

how is he a BIGOT?

you will hear HATEFUL or BIGOT whenever these losers start talking. they are even bigger losers than I am. at least i am not ashamed of being white hahahaha. but i am ahsamed of being a weak loser who loses more than leftist shitlib antiwhite antiracist swpls hahahaha.

what if this new hard drive does not fix the computer?

i also had to buy an acer windows recovery disc from acer so i can reinstall windows. because microsoft, saw muh activation key, said nope you gotta go to the manufacturer for this one. put in serial number at acer, i am kindly allowed to buy one disc forever for 20 bucks. no downloads hahaha.  there are grammar and spelling mistakes on the acer website. i should have not gotten an acer. fook them. the refurbished dell inspiron…..sorry latitude is a more solid computer.

and oops i ordered the same brand of hard drive that was in there. didnt really shop around for hard drives.  seagate brand. well it had a good rating at newegg.

well well see. if it doesnt work then i just totally wasted 60 bucks and then next thing will prob be drop even MOAR money on a totally new comp. sheeeeeeeeeeit.

well ghoul from TRS has revealed his RL face, kind of a big thing. he is starting a new show on youtube. i was shocked at how handsome and normie chad he looks like. i figured he would be an ugly autist from the way he talks. all awkward autistic. but noooo. he looks like a healthy fashy handsome spencelerian white ubermensch. GREAT.

however it kinda made me like him more.

but also made me envious.

on 30 minutes in the oven, they interviewed ghoul once and hes like, its really not that hard to find a good woman, you can find one in a BAR, you just gotta put yourself out there, talk to people, show initiative, be a somewhat interesting guy.

easy for you to say, handsome chad!

but yeah just from the awkward way he talked, and the fact that hes doing a philosophy phd (i think), i figured he would be a huge virgin. but NOOOOOOO he prob has a good gf.

well good for him i guess. but its a hell of a lot harder for some of us. or, we finally DO, and they leave us because we are horrible and weak and push them away by being too needy hahaha.

 

 

 

WORSE THAN BEING ABORTED: STILL ALIVE TO SUFFER

july 7

had interview today, 5 people grilling me, 1 hour and 20 minute interview, 40k job tho damn.

then went on linked in and switched my settings to anonymous mode so i could look at people from my old job. started feeling bad. like damn they can handle taking confusing angry phone calls all day, how come i cant? they found new jobs, the are able to think fast and act quick. oh 3 people from my company went over to this other company. I WONDER if thats where SHE went too. oh i wonder if shes fooking one of those guys then. or maybe she already fooked him and now they hate each other but still work together.

how come just the thought of answering those calls and dealing with those weird problems strikes fear into my heart? i wish i could be AS GOOD as her in the stupid competition of life. compete with her on HER terms and PROVE that I am at LEAST as good as her, can do the same kind of ridiculous work, make the same decent money.

and now she goes on and makes new friends and knows the people we worked with, longer than I knew her….which was a pretty long time. and I am stuck in the past. and she has moved past me, and I am just a faded memory in her past, that she has mostly forgotten.

next on the listening:

diocletian: gesundrian

proclamation: nether tombs of abbadon (terrible reviews, as their well of ideas has run dry and they are just going thru the blasphemous motions. but I sorta think the production sounds best on this one. and I figure each album will sound exactly the same, so production is VERY important here.)

i should be talking about this interview hehehe.

i figure, they interview 5 people, that means you START OFF at a 20% chance of getting the job. then depending on how you do, you go up or down. probably not more than 10% either way.

anyway it was me, and 5 managers, in a room for 1 hour and 20 minutes. 5 people making 25 bucks an hour to spend 90 minutes of Paid Time with ME hahahahaha.

ok did 5 mile walk, listened to those things. i just dont have great headphones. i have 10 dollar headphones when i should invest in some good 50 dollar headphones, but i just cant right now till i establish an income stream other than 2 dollars a week on mturk hahaha. i could only stand about 10 to 14 minutes of the proclamation. but its nice to come back to that noise for 14 minutes a day or so.

the diocletian sounded sorta like angel corpse but with some slow parts. great sound, again hurt by my headphones. great drum and guitar sound, great fast blasts, no triggers like some f4ggy death metal band hahaha.

i just hate sounding incompetent with a caller who wants me to fix a problem, because I AM incompetent, and i DONT know what I’m doing. and i hate that SHE was better at that in the long run than me.

and if you can stay good at that in the long run, you can actually advance in the stupid tech support field. become a tier 2, then a tier 3, then a manager, get jobs at increasingly better companies. you just gotta tough it out. and I couldn’t do it, and she COULD. AND she doesn’t CARE about ME, when I KNOW she once did. she was tough enough to do the job, and to KEEP doing the job a year later, but she wasnt courageous enough to SHOW CARE about ME. fooooooook.

i mean other women have been tougher and more competent than me. better at their jobs. doing tough jobs. cool under pressure. going gets tough, tough get going. other women have Bested me at that competition, but I didn’t care nearly AS much because they showed a lot more courtesy to me when they dumped me. they said sorry that I have to do this. and then went on to become hugely successful in their careers. just like THAT PERSON is going to be. I came CLOSE to looking her up on linkedin today. I thought she might work at this company several people from our company went to.

theres a difference between “taking the black pill” ie looking a unpleasant things, because you might learn a valuable lesson…….vs TORTURING yourself by COMPARING yourself to others unfavorably on linkedin. looking at all those fookin WINNERS on linkedin. or f4gbook or that matter. oh im so successful at muh career. i am not on the verge of a nervous breakdown and im getting MARRIED to a person I LUV and want to make babies with. we just had a baby. were having our second baby. chad just got promoted to Team Lead this year, which meant more money for our growing family. Stacy finished her masters degree in Talent Acquisition which resulted in a big pay raise for her too.

that fooking bullshit successful middle class normie STRIVERS talk about in their christmas card letters!!!!

so yeah. SOME blackpilling is ok, but I don’t think this comparing yourself is really helpful, nor is it legit blackpilling. its more digging yourself into a rut and putting yourself into a bad mood. better to just STOP, and just apply for another job, or go for a 5 mile walk and listen to EVIL raw black metal like blasphemy or proclamation hahahaha.

black lives matter hehehe how about MY life matters. I wanted MY life to matter to HER. not even in a tradwife luv sort of way, but just in GENERAL.  even before i fell in luv her life matter to me, and my life mattered to her. i just wished my life could have mattered to her at the END. rather than being murdered like an aborted child hahahaha.

now i know what that aborted child feels like with the silent scream, as it screams pleeeease mommy dont murder me, and then they get murdered anyway. and then you get to stay alive enough to be able to see that, and think about it for years hahahaha. and you wonder how could your own mother murder you hehehe.

so in a while its WORSE than being aborted! because you are still ALIVE TO SUFFER!!

at least the aborted baby has the privilege of not being able to suffer any more. they are put out of their misery!

july 8

foreveralone feels, an actual 30 year old wizard virgin with a youtube channel whoooooaaaaa

i mean he LOOKS like one! but he also doesnt look TOO bad, or irredemable. its sad.

instantly subscribed.

The “why are women fooked” question is actually really easy: because they don’t have to be good to pass on their genes. They just have to take a dick and keep the baby alive. The men have to slave, fight and die over who gets to keep them.

great quote from great trs thread on how bad women are hahaha

but yeah i might as well be a 30 year old virgin. i had secs 2 times with a gurl when i was 21………AND THEN NEVER EVER AGAIN hahahaha and now I am 30+.

its a really unique situation. there’s no manual for this. the wizards dont understand, the normie chads sure dont understand. i guess people can still advise you: be a stronger, better, man with purpose. then you can keep a woman from dumping you. easier said than done tho hahaha.

huge anti police shooting in dallas, its HAPPENING, 4-5 officers dead, wow, i mean i can honestly say stuff was NOT liek this when I was young. shit is objectively getting BAD.

i meditated on my desire to bang gurls up the ass and I figured it had to do with a desire to PUNISH them and cause them some pain. for not wanting anything to do with me, and also for Playing Around with the LIfe Creation Process so casually.

I was always kinda afraid of the Vag and Secs because I always understood THATS HOW BABIES ARE MADE. this is NOT a casual, fun process. if you want to have PURELY recreational secs, then do it up the ass like mexican sluts or f4gs. that’s the fookhole for people who REALLY dont want to have babies. and i dont want to have babies. babies are a BIG DEAL and Im not ready for that. so i dont want to treat the pvssy like some kind of casual funland.

and women are stupid and inferior for treating their OWN pvssies like that. theyre the ones who GET pregnant!!!! how can they NOT know this and need a man to mansplain it to them? because thats how women ARE. and I was like holy shit that sucks SO MUCH. How can I POSSIBLY respect or even LIKE women. they are DISGUSTING.

so hence the desire to bang them in the ass. to somewhat punish them, and also to show that I wanted to remove ALL chance of conception. well why not just use birth control.

because i’ve ALWAYS believe that BC is flawed. that its putting up an unnatural roadblock to something natural. and you just dont need to do that with the ass. because the ass is not MADE FOR REPRODUCTION. its made for expelling shit.

so yeah still its degenerate to want to put muh dick in an EXIT hole! I fully own and admit that. own muh degeneracy.

well its not like Im going out banging sluts in the ass, or watching porno of it! although I used to. but i havent looked at porno in….242 days.

the shit with the woman WENT DOWN 360 days ago. almost a year.

sent her the last email 326 days ago.

last got a haircut 101 days ago. and I am fully planning on getting a nice very short haircut TODAY.

later. got nice short level 1 haircut! very nice. do this more like every 2 months, not every 3 months. it was looking bad on the sides, like an unemployable loser neet wizard virgin. dont do this. i am scottish with spending money, but in this case, its WORTH THE MONEY. just spend the money and get a haircut every 2 months. they barber didnt even ask about muh JOB hahaha.

also now i look more masculine, like a real ross bay powerlifting black metal skinhead. i would also add 1433 to that, althought the ross bay cult is NOT associated with 1433. but they should really consider it! although the black guy in the band blasphemy hahahaha well i will give him a pass.

BUT really raw drunken satanic black metal is degenerate anyway, and degeneracy and 1433 is like OIL AND WATER.

so, switch all that drunken satan imagery with like Nationalistic War imagery. you can still have those kewl black and white drawings! just instead of goatz and sp00py skellys with goathorns, you can have like soldiers and fuhrers and gunz and tradfams and such.

being CONFUSED SUCKS. it kills your confidence and can lead to Chronic Stress.

also you feel like you are getting early onset dementia or alzheimers at age 35. WTF. that is very frustrating.

or was it just because you smoked too much MJ and drank too much alcohol before age 25? because ya sure did. sure screwed the pooch on that one. dicked the dog. fooked fido.

like worshiping satan and evil is stupid, immature, degenerate, and really doesnt make sense. being a 1433 whyte warrior makes TOTAL sense. 14 words make TOTAL sense. so express THAT in your music.

had stupid dream last night where I dreamed I was looking at pictures of HER, on facebook or instagram or whatever. i saw a photo of her from new years eve where she was kissing a black guy. i reacted with disgust and horror and anger, much like you would expect me to hahahaha. i make no apologies for not liking mudsharking, and I am ESPECIALLY offended when the woman I luv would rather fook and kiss blacks than have anything to do with ME. it really stings the pride knowing a black guy is better at getting the woman of your dreams than you are. and that the woman of your dreams would rather be with a black guy than you, ya racially-aware whyte man.

also IRL she did go out with a black guy but I never saw secsy pictures of that thank god. but the fact is, they were making out and FOOKING. she she suck his dick? most certainly. Did he blast jizz on her pretty face? maybe. did he fook her up the ass? maybe. did he fook her doggystyle and blast on her nice white ass? certainly. did he pound that pvssy with her fine white body pressed up against him while they made out and she sighed in Ecstasy? 100000% yes definitely. things I will never experience with her hehehehe.

And I have always like kissing and making out MORE than secs. it seems so pure and fun and innocent and safe and good. and secs seems so dirty and bad and pornographic and dangerous and bad. not because it is, but because the way the women treat it like its NOTHING. treat it with more reverence.

so I always LIKED making out and kissing more. it means a lot to me. I would have had a LOT of fun making out with her. I had a LOT of fun just making out with gurls. then they would get bored, want secs, and dump me when they correctly ascertained that I wanted a real rel.

i get dumped because i always want a RELATIONSHIP with women hahahaha what a MONSTER I am.

clingy and needy, always wanted a Relationship.

oh well there’s serious rels and then theres casual rels. why do I always want a serious rel?

because I am an OLD SCHOOL WHITE MAN, and I KNOW that sex cannot be treated CASUALLY!

so yeah not only do i think secs is intmate, i think KISSING is kinda intimate too! and i feel a lot more positively towards it than secs, ie its something i can actually enjoy, possibly because it doesnt make babies but still allows you to show affection for your bitch, like cuddling. and its much SAFER and lower RISK, and I think its super FUN and stress free, and I RESENT women for not liking it so much, or thinking its BORING.

if you think somethings boring, YOUR BORING hahahahahahaha.

if you’re BORED, YOURE BORING.

uncle bern might have clued me into that saying.

oh lord their are LATVIANS speaking LATVIAN in the poker room hahahaha.

this is really interesting. yes i luv latvians, they are white as hell. or are they finngolian hahaha. latvians are classic joohaters and ovened 6 gorillion joos in riga in 1943.

 

 

AFTER 30 GUYS, U DONT CARE WHOSE C0Q U TAKE OR WHOSE HEART U BREAK

1224

sheeeeeit.  had dream with her in it, didnt need that. she was cuddling with me in a half hearted, not really into it sort of way.

because i am anxious and ambivalent and neurotic i am always worried about lovers Not Really Loving Me, then i push them away with my Smothering Doubt. Do you really luv me? do you really luv me? hehehehe and they get mad and say well obviously nothing i do will never be enought o convince you! and they leave. but its my fault for not trusting them hahahaha.

BUTTTT the point is, they really did never luv me, so i was RIGHT to doubt their luv! we were never in that kind of rel, of COURSE they didnt LUV me!

so i didnt push her away with pushing of “do you realy luv me? i dont believe you. i dont believe you.”

it was more pushing her away with  “i want to talk about me liking you” and it was clear at that point she didnt like me back so she saw no need to talk about it.

ok. i guess i just wanted to end our Rel in a nicer way. thats a valid wish hahahaha.

but yeah i have a very insecure relationship style anyway where i WOULD eventually suspect the person of losing interest in me and probably push them away with my suspicion. because its been a recurrring problem in muh “rels” with wimmin, that they never had much interest in me to being with.

but Some Women dont need to have much interest in you to have secs with you and show a lot of interest in you for like 2 weeks. and that is just a mindfook for me!!!! well ya sure seemed INTERESTED for those 2 weeks!!!!!! and i liked that!

i jsut hate being so weak with women that i throw my OWN life down the crapper.

well, part of it was due to the job itself. but at least 60% of it was having to work every day with someone who not only rejected me, but Harshy Terribly Meanly Rejected me. when this was the woman i wanted to spend muh life with hhahahahaha.

so this one persnality test says i am “THE COMPOSER.”

but basically the biggest thing of my personality is that i am NEUROTIC. and then introverted hugely. but even MORE hugely neurotic.

and that sucks because you cant put a positive spin on neurotic like you can with introvert. neurotic is just a recipe for being a total loser at life. you will have BIG trouble getting and keeping jobs, women, and friends. you will be constantly tortured by anxiety and doubt and despair and no confidence and generally be a miserable failure virgin mgtow hahahahahaha. never find a white wife. can only pay thai and philippine gurls to bang you.

well at least i have given up pron. it has been a few months since i looked at it. but damn. even just a year ago i was looking at it maybe once a week! thats not a LOT…. but its still probably too much!!!!!!!! and you need to go cold turkey for MONTHS to get your brain back to unpronified mode.

but the composer…..yeah muh neurotic narciss writing blog right here is my main “composition.” GREAT.

and brigning that neuroticism into every rel with women….pushes them away.

i am cool and distant and find it very difficult to get close to people and make new friends…….BUT i also try to be ver nice to people as a rule so they dont think of me as an autistic weirdo. so i am remembered as A Nice Guy rather than a Weirdo Loner Sperg Psycho hahaha.  so they might not know much abotu me but they know i am a nice guy who is easy to get along with and friendly. i was kinda becoming that guy at my job….but then i SNAPPED. i hate SNAPPING.

MW had his Female Panel the other night and i guess there was a troll and he made the video unlisted. im not even sure what happened. maybe a male troll showing his bare ass on webcam? i dont know. dont quote me.

but then there are hardcore mgtows in the comments calling the women bitches and say fook you for using men as disposable cannon fodder, if this is what it means to be a man and man up, i want no part of it, i dont want to be a slave sacrificing my life for a cvnt etc etc etc.

and i am very interested in this debate because i can understand both sides. at this point this guy sounds like a real woman hater, and i would say, well, ideally men and women are complementary, the man doesnt mind sacrificing for his Fair Maiden, because she reciprocates with her LOYALTY and LUV and SUPPORT and being the mother of his children, etc.

when, quite rightly, a mgtow would say to that, yeah but she DOESNT reciprocate with that. she abandons you, leaves you in the lurch, shows you NO loyalty, and STEALS your money and children!!!!!!!!!!!

and then you rebut, well NAWALT, sorry but you married a real shitty woman then sorry abotu that, but really truly NAWALT!

and then you can debate how many NAWALT.

and many mgtows believe that even if NAWALT yet, our society is a slippery slope that enables and pushes all women to BECOME like That: disloyal mercenary parasite thieves. its enough to turn a good woman bad, and until that system changes, men have to AVOID WOMEN.

but ultimately i need women too much to willfully avoid them!

which puts me at risk for getting so desperate that I fall for the spell of one of those evil women! who shows some interest at first but then a few years later, loses the interest and robs me!

shit i would love to have a woman show interest in me for that long hahahaha.

so in other words, IF i actually made ok money, i would be a HUGE target for evil parasite women hahahaha.

now i am a target for nobody except totally batshit borderline women that dont even care that i dont have resources or power; and certainly dont care who they mkae babies with.

in short, i am neurotic and insecure as hell which is a big potential problem for my relships with women (i am much better with men!), and i have always been dumped because they lose interest and didnt REALLY like me; BUT i shouldnt let that fool me into blaming myself for being too needy or clingy, since i wasnt actually THAT needy or clingy, i was well within the NORMAL RANGE for a person who has feelings for another person, and do not deserve to be shamed as needy because of that. tell them well how did YOU act when you were in love with chad thundercock at age 15? you acted like a 15 year old gurl and imagined a life together and drew little hearts and wanted him to be your one and only forever and ever, long term. then you went down a slippery slope, and after 30 guys, you dont care whose cock you take or whose heart you break.

heheheh my female friend seemed to care about the cox she took, but ultimately did not care about breaking MY heart.

MAYBE im overestimating the sluttiness of the average women. and that HONESTLY. maybe even as much as 50% of 25 year old women (i pick 25 as being the median and average of The Twenties) that are 6/10 and above are not promiscuous sluts with over 30 partners who take cox and break hearts very casually! maybe half of them take sex and rels seriously, have had under 5 partners, date only within their race, are not into weird open relationships and nonmongamy.

in other words, 50% of The Dating Pool of 25 Year old Single White Women, are Decent.

bbbbbut that sounds a little high, how abotu 25%?

how about 37.5%?

so yeah the mgtows call the “alt right” people white knight pvssy worshippers and the alt right calls the mgtows omega loser butthurt neckbeard basement phaggots.

right now i am more on the side of alt right but i understand the mgtow frustration. and i think we shouldnt wife up bitches and whores even white ones…….but the alt right isnt saying we SHOULD anyway! they would say wife up and have lots of kids with a decent white woman! well i certainly agree with that. and they are certainly quick to shame shameful behavior and not “save a ho” with degenerate white bitches.

on the other hand, maybe degenerate white bitches would make ideal partners for omega white males like me hahahaha.

fookin neurotic. how is that even factored into your PERSONALITY. theres nothing GOOD about it. nobody wants a neurotic. neurotic is inherently antiwhite and omega and weak. yet its the largest most prevailing part of muh personality.

i mean yeah the neurotic stuff sucks and i have a lot but i have good stuff too. like i am moral and kind and loving and smart and shit. i am the composer. like beethoven. or wagner hahahaha. but not with music. fook music its degenerate.

so why cant i compose up a successful business or something hahahaha.

also i think a extraverted neurotic will do better than an introverted neurotic.

hehehe i am prob very much like millennial woes personality wise. he was a neet loser in despair and unemployable, but now he is truly turning his life around and becoming the man he was born to be.

but you know he has been in despair because he dresses shabbily and smokes too many cigarets and doesnt care about his health and appearance enough. even though he is a handsome man! more handsome than me! they joke he is a 5’2 manlet but i am more of a manlet than him plus fatter and bald hahahaha. i used to look better but then i Hit The Wall around 27 hahahaha. of course i drank a lot and MW doesnt drink ever.

anyway.

in this ramzpaul vidya there are a bunch of anti-sinead comments and she herself blatantly states she is not in the alt right, she doesnt like it, the alt right is a bunch of merchant phaggots who love muslim roosh and hate white women hahahaha.  im not alt right, i am just trying to expose the merchants.

when she doesnt seem to realize that much of the “alt right” wants to expose the merchants too, and do not hate white women, and dont care for mudslim roosh, we just think flat earth is fooking retarded and nutty and really does make us look bad. and yet i am fascinated with sinead because she is a counter-merchant conservative and a kinda qt gurl, well many say she is ugly but she is hawt enough for me.

or maybe jsut because she reminds me of That Woman.

but every woman in her 20s with pale white skin and long dark hair who is not fat or not ugly or not stumpy reminds me of HER!!!!!!!!!!

well sinead might be 30 hahahaha but i heard hearsay she was 26.

but yeah she is too combative and oppositional to people who would be good allies. like TRS and rzp. i saw she just followed MW but she probably would call him a degenerate faggot too because he is neetish and had a bi phase.

and then common filth thinks “alt right” is degenerate because he thinks jack donovan is a degenerate, which he probably is. the mistake is in thinking we are all degenerate like jack donovan!

been really likig the TRS forum, they seem like a bunch of good goys. common filth should spend some time with them, then hed see that alt right is not too degenerate……but hes too busy scouring the internet for the most degenerate shit imaginable hrmmmmmmmmmmm.

so the point is it shows leftists for the disgusting degenerate filth they are. and CF is presented in a funny way. it doesnt seem AS nihilist as say Power Electronics, or god forbid, animal torture fetish videos.

so i was a weak unmanly faggot. so it was bad timing to get feelings. but im not a BAD GUY and i dont think she needed to treat me that badly even if women do hate weak men. i hate slutty women too, but if i was friends with a slutty woman and she got feelings for me, i would still be NICE to her when i rejected her.

although i probably wouldnt become friends with a slutty woman to begin with! because imho it signals greater moral weakness than a weak man just being a weakling.

really the best equivalent to a female slut would be a male deadbeat father: who creates life and then abandons it.  its total r selected, quantity over quality, low respect for human life, degenerate, rat monkey animal behavior.

the sensitive sissyboy who is scared to blurt out “I LIKE U” is not quite at the same point of degeneracy and immorality as the people Flippantly, Casually, CREATING AND DESTROYING HUMAN LIFE.

a lot different that being scared to say the words to someones face that you were kinda signalling to them anyway.

yeah i was weak. so fooking sue me.

what is the appropriate punishment for weakness or cowardice?

HARSH SCATHING BRUTAL PUNISHMENT?

I guess that will toughen you up though.

but i am not gettng tougher tho hahahaha. i wish i coulda been tough AT THAT MOMENT. and just been like fook you bitch youre not gonna do this to me, lets have our final showdown right now and say everything we want to say to each other, and mutually hate each other, and ignore each other at work.

but would i have been able to ignore her at work? prob NOT. she would be able to ignore and hate me, but i would still partially luv her, like i do now! and i wouldnt be able to ignore her! i would be looking at her constantly and noticing every person she talked to!!!!!

well i keep talking about sluts being immoral and degen……but she wasnt a slut! but i WAS weak!

well my POINT is, yeah my being weak kinda sucks, but her treatng me like that REALLLYLLLLLYYYYYY sucks. -1 vs a -20 or so.

i am also mad at myself for flipping out over it, getting all overly emotional like a damn young woman.

being more womanly than man.

not that you should inherently hate womanliness, but its not a good thing for a MAN to be, especially a man who has a desire to be with women, well then his womanliness will just push them away!

but still we had a friendship and a history and its just ridiculous it all went down like this.

and how the hell am i going to rebuild my life and find a woman i can actually get along with. i actually got along with her. and she was young and Pure. damn.

1225 crimbo hahahaha

i was just thinking, a gurl being a FLAT EARTHER would NOT be a dealbreaker for me as much as her being a HIGH NUMBER SLUT hahahahaha. i would say thats great cupcake go and study your flat earth. just dont leave me or stop luving me and abandon me hahahahahaha. and dont burn the coal hahahaha.

well see i think its worse to be a slut than to burn the coal ONCE. now its rare to just burn the coal ONCE. usually there is 99% overlap with being a slut.

you can guess who i have to make the damn exception for, my special snowflake who burned the coal once and was not a slut.

but being a slut has a pattern of behavior built right into it.

anyway it makes sense that men should have to work hard to show themselves worthy of a woman. it DOESNT make sense when a women GIVES IT AWAY to a lot of guys easily.

but basically i cant see myself being enough of a Real Man to pull a Decent Woman, ie one i am attracted to and with a good character. therefore, if i want to Pull women who are moderately attractive, they are gonna have to have a pretty bad character to give me what i deserve for my unmanliness hehehehe.

heh. i mean i should be lucky i even got to become friends with a nonugly nonslutty 25 year old woman!!!!!!!!

well i was happy about that. i just cant beleive that me being a weak omega merited her being as harsh to me as she was. be a little damn nicer to the person you knew for 2 years. its not like i CHEATED on you or BEAT you. damn.

i AGREE being a weak omega is BAD. but i slipped and cracked and snapped ok????? i wasnt ALWAYS like that with her. for a while i was fairly normal.

only one country separates norway from north korea. of course if you say only one country separates china from ukraine it doesnt sound as impressive hahahaha.

anyway i could deal with the mother of my children believing in a flat earth so long as she was not a slut, she was loyal to me, i luved her, she loved me.

i think the issue is, sinead is more bitchy and confrontational about people calling her out on this obviously ridiculous than she should be. it would be a lot better if she merely said she was skeptical that the earth was round and she wasnt such a damn bitch about it hahahahaha.

also is this the best way to bring women into the movement? not sure. i think a better way is just to have smart alpha fashy goy men who are successful in life, hide their true power level, and then gradually convince their wives on Red Pill Stuff. rather than try to have a Female Thought Leader talking about flat earth and conspiracies hahahaha.

i mean if i were with a woman i luved, like that woman, and she got into flat earth, that would not drive me away. i would just say thats nice honey, and hope it didnt become a problem. like shes gonna dump me for a more manly man who also believes in flat earth hahahaha. that would suck. well, now i am used to the worst case scenario actually ahppening. so with my luck, that would indeed happen.

macao is not a separate country, it is part of china. but like an autonomous region i think. maybe it might become independent someday.

heh. i say let sinead in. because i am a thirsty white knight beta hahahaha. BUT she SAID she didnt want to be in the alt right. the alt right is too weak, faggy, degenerate, j00ified, and beta leftist for her. well if shes not alt right what is she? she would probably say white nationalist or counter-semite hahahaha.

well i argue that alt right can cover those things. i think this is a narcissism of small differences thing.

or maybe sinead and i have very different definitions of the alt right. i admit it is a confusing term hahahaha.

i dont know why i am so obsessed with her. probably because she sorta looks like the woman i was/am in luv with, and she is pro white, and into traditional values. shares some important interests with me. and you dont get very many attractive 25 year old women who are outspokenly pro-white. its interesting.

well SUPPOSEDLY most white women prefer to date and mate with white men, even if they dont outspokenly say it. well i hope so hahaha.

and sinead is really just kooky and crazy by being Aggressively Pro Flat Earth and Aggressively insulting her racial allies.  basically saying you arent racist ENOUGH to people who are plenty racist hehehehe. to people who have no problem with heiling hitler and using all the best racial slurs and wanting a white homeland and being j-wise. they arent racist enough because they dont believe in flat earth. thats what leaves me CONFUSED.

but i dunno i think sinead could be good for doing womens stuff, or for being a surrogate waifu for lonely single white men. like building up their confidence that yes there is a marraigeable white woman out there for you.

or yes you can be a racist and find a nice traditional woman who might be nuts hahahaha but at least she is white and willing to have kids…..but might be a Coal Burner and is certifiably nuts.

really the Coal Burning is prob more important than the flat earth. i am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that just because she has pictures of her with blacks, doesnt mean she FOOKED the blacks hahaha. hahahaha i mean EVERYBODY has PICTURES of themselves with diff races.

also i am a special case. 1 gurl i liked in like 2007-8 was a coalburning slut who i removed from muh history. just deleted. and then this gurl, that woman, i was in honest LUV with her, and she coalburned ONCE.

what IF she was so nonslutty she didnt even have SECS with him? i just assume she did because i’m used to sluts who have secs with EVERY man they hang out with, cuz its no big deal. but maybe they just made out and she was like no i want to date for a while before we have secs. kinda like my ideal woman hahahaha. kinda like i was always uncomfrotable having secs with gurls i just met becuase im not comfortable having secs with STRANGERS.

who the fook WOULD be.

but yeah. i mean. i dont really want a hooker because their lives are so sad. i would rather bang a degenerate slut because they are somewhat more normal.

anyway when we were younger we disrespected women because they were DUMB and blue pilled as fook. as i matured i realized, hey dont hold that against women. who cares if theyre dumb or blue pill, if they are NICE and PURE and VIRTUOUS. you dont go to women for intellectual conversation or for being COOL, you go to them for moral support and luv and kindness and tenderness.

like That Person was not super smart. she was smart ENOUGH, she was prob smarter than average womennnnnn maybe. i was definitely way smarter than her. and i kinda liked that and i think she kinda liked that and i liked it when she told me i was smart hahahahaha.

well shouldnt men provide emotional support for women and not the other way around? men are the protector and the rock and the stability for the emotionally unstable women? so if the man needs a WOMAN for moral support, thats like going to a merchant banker for free money hahahahaha.

well ok maybe women could talk about stuff like What Women Should Be, and Make It Cool to be Traditional and NOnslutty and Feminine. …… because women are more likely to listen to other women than men? even if we are counting on men to influence their wives politically and mentally?

well i think it wouldnt HURT to have women speaking to women. if a woman doesnt have a traditional bf or father, then a traditional woman could school them on how its cool to Be Pure and how Secs is Sacred. because women sure arent getting that from THEIR single momz. single momz are not just bad for boys, they are bad for girls too.

Cuz then you get gurls with Daddy Issues. because their single mom was a crazy whore, so the poor girl thinks that is normal.

so the Tradcon or Alt Right or Pro White Womens Groups could be very helpful to girls like this.

and also give hope to boys that Not All Women are evil succubi sluts. better to have a real woman as a waifu than some anime bullshit.

and the women could talk abotu relationships and luv and monogamy and feelings and basically all the shit i talk about!

how to relship, how to treat each other nicely, how to dump a person, how to communicate.

how to not give it up to guys you dont really know. how to keep your lifetime number under 5. how to appreciate secs for procreation FIRST, recreation a DISTANT second. why abortion is bad. why open relationships and polyamory are bullshit. what love is. how to Empathize with Beta and Omega guys who come off as Creepy or Thirsty.  How To Be Loyal and Loving to your man. How to look to the long term and not dump a decent guy immediately, how not to lose interest so quickly, how to not be mastered by vag tingles and hamster rationalizations hahahaha.

basically teach traditional, natural gender roles and make it look fun and cool. it really shouldnt be that hard. it should come naturally. but people are so easily led astray its very disappointing. maybe they can just as easily be led back to the good path. give them a good culture with traditional mother and father.

anyway the fascists say that if youve been watching pron for years its gonna take a few months cold turkey before your brain goes back to “normal”, a state you may not even remember. it feels like its been a few months for me. and i understood pron has been degenerate, for years, and tried to minimize its use during the last few years. also i think i was using it to try to get my mind of THAT PERSON.

anyway i am OBSESSED with women but i dont really hate women like some obvious women haters. its really more like a LOVE HATE relationship hahahahahahahaha.

alls im saying. really hurts and is disorienting to lose somebody like this. i still dont really understand it any better. i just seem to accept it and the pain isnt so goddamn FRESH. but it still lingers and its truly horrible what happened. it hurts to lose a friend like that. and to be so goddamn misunderstood when youre just begging them to LISTEN, i didnt do anything WRONG, PLEASE.

like when your gf is mad at you and gives you that exasperated look and youre like oh god i dont even know what i DID. and then thats the end and she dumps you hahahahahaha. she has permanently lost interest and luv for you. she is DONE with you. its over.

i dunno. i never lost interest for someone that fast. or easily. im still interested in her ffs.

dunno. she really DID used to like me as a person. and its shocking she could get so over that, that she could throw me away like she never knew me. sheeeeeit. well thank god for being white hahahahaha.

point is, and im mansplaining feeeeelings to women agian, when someone you LOVE throws you away harshly, its VERY painful, it leaves you DEVASTATED, and it takes a VERY LONG TIME to heal from it.

REVOLVING DOOR OF D / JEKYLL AND HYDE

1112

exaholics member says:

”  13 days of NIC. I blocked him from my phone 13 days ago. I don’t plan on ever unblocking him. I’m certain he hasn’t tried to reach out though. He still can email me and hasn’t. He didn’t respond to my last emails and text 13 days ago. I’m flawed, no one is perfect but Overall I deserve a man that can love me for me though. He always ran away when things got tough. The person I need wouldn’t run, the person I need would be right there working it out with me. I’ve talked to many people I trust that have been heart broken and are now in long healthy relationships with someone else. My love for my ex was real but his love for me was not unconditional. At this point in my life I’m looking for unconditional love and nothing less. I want healthy stable love….. My ex just runs to the woods whenever things aren’t perfect, creates drama, and plays mind games. I’m too good for that now. ”

good for u hahahaha.

anyway sometimes it seems like men are more romantic than women, men are more romantic than women, men are less mercenary than women, men are more idealistic in luv than women, etc. well i dont think its ALWAYS been like that. Traditional Women were romantic and loving!

and certainly women today have those men that they truly LUV, that they just cant get over. so then they end up treating the OTHER men in their life like garbage. the men they are dating and fooking. then THESE men are easily replaced by yet more disposable and replaceable men, the c carousel becomes more of a revolving door of D.

so i say, dont date and fook men while you are still getting over OTHER men! be CELIBATE for a while until you are READY for another man! you might have to go without your beloved sexual release for a few months bitches! hahahaha

funny youd think men are more in need of sexual release, yet men are much more likely than women to go super long periods without S. women bitch and moan if they go two months. a man can go two YEARS NO PROBLEM.

but yeah i need women too much to go full mgtow. which is why i have moved away from mgtow and mra and women women women stuff to more neo reactionary, “tradcon” type stuff. muh millennial woes hahaha. what hardcore mgtow would call white knight stuff hahaha putting sluts on pedestals.

yep i just need women too much. but i am fully aware of the risks involved. im not gonna deny or supress my desire for women. i truly believe its natural as fook for men to want women. no point in AVOIDING and ABANDONING them. just dont get married or have children with a SHITTY one!

hey she dumped ME. if she changes her mind, then the onus is on HER to come to ME with the proverbial tail between the legs. not me coming to her saying change your mind yet? change your mind yet? fook that.

so i was desperate. big deal. if you were in my position youd be desperate too. whats so bad about desperate? youd be desperate too if you hadnt been with a woman in 10 years hahahaha. then you came so close to something good, and it was yanked away from you.

that wasnt entirely her intention, her intention was just to avoid me and not deal with The Problem, but it still feels like a yanking (well after a period of slow gadual withdrawal), and its still a shitty way of her to deal with the problem, even feminists, leftists and marxists agree with us rightist traditionalists, that avoidance is a bad bad way to end a relationship, and Open Confrontation is the best. (imho “confrontation” is a bit harsh a word, i prefer “communication” or “conversation” hahahahaha)

women CAN build up your confidence. she built up my confidence for a while. and now my confidence is in the crapper.

also i kinda need a low self esteem woman because i am not a huge winner. it was nice to have a woman accept me for who i was for damn once. especially when you are like 10 years behind in life hahahaha.

i was at a similar place as her in the grand prix of life, now she has pulled ahead and left me behind hahahaha.

also the average 25 year old woman is way more successful than me. that or they are huge single momz and i have a bias against single momz hahahaha. i kinda want HER to become a single mom soon, if shes not gonna Pick Me hahaha.

because i have to be a winner to pull a decent woman.

so the problem therefore was i came so close to pulling a decent woman, but i couldnt hold on to her because i was a loser at life. faint hearts do not win fair ladies hahahahaha.

so i found it useful to me that she was a debbie downer and not a huge winner in life and lacking good masculine figures, so then she could accept a Loser Male like me! AND it was so hard to find a woman who had kinda “low self esteem” but who WASNT a huge whore!!! cuz that is the most likely expression of low self esteem in women. they slut it up. and she didnt.

its just hard to get over a heartbreak ok! it takes a LONG TIME! its a BIG DEAL!

its a LOT OF PAIN when you get DUMPED, and you wanted the rel to continue; AND you get dumped in the “total avoidance” manner!!!!! and not the open confrontation manner (collins & gillath 2012 hahahahaha i like Sourcing shit when i can)

do the women on fox news really need to wear these Slutty Miniskirts? it looks so unprofessional and slutty!!!! is it because the patriarchs at FNC oppress them? or are they just responding to the Market of Customers who say, we want our Cuckservative news female reporters to wear Slutty Miniskirts???!?!?!?! well shame on those goddam cuckservative customers then for not wanting a Veneer of Credibility and Decency with their news. its not that they are oppressing women, its just that they are degenerate pornified idiots drooling like homer simpson at T&A that they want to see it at all times. weak. pathetic.

“All non-DEA applicants must complete a drug use questionnaire. Applicants who are found, through investigation or personal admission, to have experimented with or used narcotics or dangerous drugs, except those medically prescribed to the applicant, will not be considered for employment with the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). Exceptions to this policy may be made for applicants who admit to limited youthful and experimental use of marijuana. Such applicants may be considered for employment if there is no evidence of regular, confirmed usage, and the full-field background investigation and results of other steps in the process are otherwise favorable. Compliance with this policy is an essential requirement of the position.”   hahahahahahahaha looking into trying to get a job with the DEA and they have a Drug Use thing you have to sign

it hurts to have your heart broken

my heart is broken

i did truly luv her

she could have treated me a lot better

we did have a great rel for a while

but that rel got shitty at the end.

it is very disappointing.

cuz i tell myself, well that decent nice person is STILL SOMEWHERE IN THERE. why cant they bring them back out again???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

but you could also say that shitty person was always in there, and they didnt bring THAT person out when things were good! but only at the end when things got shitty.

my experience with women is that they have always been JEKYLL AND HYDE. super bipolar like that. JEKYLL AND HYDE. it sucks a lot!

but yeah i KNOW she can be a real good person. why did she STOP being a good person to ME?

because she just couldnt handle me getting feelings for her. that totally rocked her world. in a bad way. she found it threatening. i was the male friend who was SAFE becuase i did NOT want anything more out of her. then that changed, so she hated me.

it was not logical or reasonable for her to HATE me for THAT, but…..thats on her.  but thats the way it is. IT IS WHAT IT IS. its not reasonable, but thats the reality. but thats her emotional problem hahahaha. thats her FAULT hahahahaha.

http://www.city-journal.org/html/10_3_urbanities-all_sex.html

theodore dalrymple writes a very dalrymplian article on “all sex, all the time”, talking about the Moral Consequences of Our Oversexed Sex Obsessed Culture. Great Guy. always passing Moral Judgment on Modern Degenerates. he is a big influence on my man of the year 2015 millennial woes. who himself is probably as good of a straight up WRITER as TD.

took a half dose of nyquil

i was stalking millennial woes and found one of the forums he posted on a few years ago. well i wasnt “STALKING” i was just following links he put there himself, but you have to be a Big Fan to find them buried in there. anyway i think i now how his actual first name but i wont tell anyone! and i will say he is a very very very good writer, much better than I, he actually cares about shit hahahaha. i am more of a nihilist and dont even care abotu writing well any more hahahaha.

1113

had a dream i was sitting in a high school classroom and THAT PERSON was also in the class, a few rows over, and i was always looking and scowling at her, but she just ignored me altogether. i also saw her being really nice and friendly to the black boy sitting behind her hahahaha.

also the same night in a different dream, i ran into The Previous Woman, Woman7, Woman5, woman2012, whatever she is, and she was very happy to see me after not seeing me for some time, and she might have quit her successful job, and she wanted to see me again? the details were fuzzy but i got a good vibe off her, like she was really happy to see me and possibly liked me. i was like ok i can handle this, i’d give her another chance hahahaha.

took me an ETERNITY to shake off the nyquil even though i only had a half dose like normal. like it takes 16 hours at least just to get a half dose out of your system. wtf. might have to cut back to a 1/4 dose hahaha.

so now im a racist because she was nice to black guys in the dream and mean to me hahahaha. no but seriously thats a tragic flaw of her is that she has this great sympathy for blacks that they are such victims of evil white racists, and this is gonna get her killed or having mud babies some day. and i was a bit disgusted that her short term scumbag boifran was a light-skinned black. prob better than a dark-skinned black but still. very disappointing. so i sound like a racist. big deal i openly admit to being a racist! i want to date a white gurl, and it really grinds my gears when white girls reject ME and then get fooked by Black Guys! i dislike being OUTMANNED / outgamed for white women by black men! of course its a sign of a screw loose for a white woman to even WANT to date a black………. but im pretty sure at LEAST 50% if not 75% of white women have been with black or brown men at least once.

its funny, i tend to get along FAMOUSLY with 40+ year old black women, they LOVE me and I get along well with them. but i have no desire to Date a Black Woman, i just dont find them that attractive. i am very comfortable in saying i find women of my own race (white) the most attractive and I dont really want to date anything other than a white woman. of course there was a marxist article out recently which said if you dont like to date interracially, then youre a RACIST. GOOD. i already KNOW im a racist!

i took the half dose of nyquil at like 530 pm then was tired as shit and taking little naps for the next few hours, then wnet to bed around 930, slept pretty good till like 930am, then was still tired as hell until like 1230pm.

ok did a 5 miler

millennial woes talks about his problems with mgtow, namely they are clearly being dishonest about projecting their own issues with women into a their cowardly lifestyle.

and really at the end of the day (hahahahaha) i have probably moved OUT of my mgtow phase and much closer to what MW supports, a NRx or neoreactionary type thing.

also i AM honest about my own issues and dislike and failure with women; and how they certainly shaped my own “faux political” attitudes towards women, and also i am still a huge White Knight because i WILL always desire intimacy with women, and i love the idea of monog rels and loving wives and nuclear families and tradition and such. so yeah i am not a huge mgtow any more.

i actually used to listen to guys like barbarossaaaa and stardusk several years ago. wish i could remember when. maybe 2012? but i grew out of it.

i mean i truly believe not all women are horrible whores; but that those who are are largely victims of Marxist Thought; and feminism is just one part of progressive cultural marxism; and while its insanely frustrating to see Our Women Ruined, its clear that some mgtows/mras haveve Myopia on the Women Issue and fail to see how it fits into the bigger picture, hence all their videos are women women women women women women women. sure muh blog is kinda the same way but thats largely because i am dealing with one speicific woman right now, a very specific heartbreak, it fookin hurts, it is killing me, its hard to deal with and get over, its a struggle.

shit even more degenerate women have treated me better in the way they dumped me. i just have a hard time accepting everything cuz i know she is a better person than that. and that once she did care for me. she told me she did. what reason would a woman have to lie about that to a man???? a man might lie abotu it to a woman cuz he likes fooking her; but a woman can always find a new man to fook her or to luv her. and besides we werent fooking!

this is why i like the idea of being friends before “Dating”. cuz dating just means fookin and fooking complicates EVERYTHING. jsut a bunch of lies to facilitate sexs on the reg. a sexual rel seems less honest than a nonsexual friendship in other words.

but then you run the risk of the classic niceguy friendzone bullshit, like OH IM ENTITLED TO SECS, i view women as MACHINES in which you put in Kindness Coins and then Sexs Falls Out; I had 3 conversations with her and was There for her 2 times, therefore now I am entitled to a BJ. which is the feminist view of Niceguys, which is horrendous. I cant imagine ANY guy would think so retardedly, and I am offended that anyone would think I thought like that. i certainly didnt! i liked her as a person and we were genuinely friends. then the friendship reached its peak, i thought, shes a great person and i really like her. i wonder why im not in love with her.

then she ended with her BF and i thought about it harder and deeper and said hmmm i guess i AM in luv with her. welp i dont want to be one of those friendzone guys, so better confront it head on. and that was the beginning of the end. then things got worse and worse until they ended. the end.

i wasnt putting in kindness coins and expecting sex to fall out of the sex vending machine. jesus christ. i honestly liked her as a person and then at the height of that, my feelings began to change to a different kind. then i started trying to SIGNAL that, and she did not respond well to the signals, and the whole damn thing began falling apart and we stopped hanging out and the tension grew because we didnt talk about it and then it all ended in the worst possible way.

HOW TO STOP GETTING FLUSTERED BY BAD CUSTOMERS ASKING CONFUSING QUESTIONS

you Just Do It hahahaha. i wish i could answer that. I have to pretend i am good at that. sometimes i am, sometimes i am godawful. but just pretend you are a boss at it all the time. i guess determine How IMportant the customer is, how much revenue do they add, how big is the actual problem, then make an educated guess, but say it firmly and make it sound like an Absolutely Conclusive answer. unless your manager is WILLING and HAPPY to take tough questions. then thank THEM, apologize to THEM, and have them Educate you on what THEY said to the asshole, so that you dont have to waste their precious time on that issue again hahahaha.

114

trying to reduce effect of coffee irritating stomach/intestints, by making weaker coffee. down from 8 scoops to 7 scoops now 6 scoops.

how to stop getting confused so easily, so often. i think i get confused even when im not confused. that deep down i understand stuff better than i think i do. just when somebody puts you on the spot for an explanation…..i get nervous, i get flustered, i forget that i do understand shit.

how to stop getting flsutered so easily.

http://www.ourhealth.com/conditions/i-cannot-get-a-diagnosis/confused-frustrated-extreamly-embarrased-and-its-getting-worse

technically smart guy gets confused and flustered easily which makes him look dumb at work, loses respect of everybody there, takes prozac and adderall for ADD but doesnt seem to be helping too much. people on thread suggest anxiety, to thyroid, to BIPOLAR. lately i have been worried i might actually be BIPOLAR, but then i say, no, i’m not MANIC when i get anxious, i’m just SUPER ANXIOUS. anxiety is not mania…….is it?  i could see it def being a possible PART of mania though. some people were convinced he was bipolar.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/other-mental-health-discussion/313659-why-am-i-so-confused-all-time.html

http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/does-anyone-else-get-easily-confused.6732/

they get easily confused and get treated like an idiot. ME/chronic fatigue. not sure what ME is.

Myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME)/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), also known chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS), is a complex and  ..

ok ME is CFS. i thought i had that at one time too since i had no energy and am so lazy!

brain fog, easy for predators to take advantage of you, try to intentionally confuse and scam you

well these CFS people seem to get even MORE confused than i do, but they are also less anxious, less despairing.

so….i worry all the time which leads to anxiety which leads to confusion and stress and confusion and anxiety and worry and all that is exhausting but it also keeps my mind racing but not in a productive way at all, but a confused way, and that plus failing at everything makes me pessimistic and despairing.

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/bipolar-2-disorder

well if anything i would have bipolar 2, which is the next thing after depression hahahaha.

how to stop getting FLUSTERED so easily

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411377

guy gets big last minute projects dumped on him at work that MUST be 100% perfect, no room for .1% mistakes, will always be rememberd by management as huge mistakes. jeez.

find a new line of work buddy. try a call center. if thats too stressful try a restaurant. if thats too stressful try retail or fast food. if thats too stressful try stripping. if thats too stressful try crime hahahahahahahahahahaha.

http://www.vogue.com.au/forums/showthread.php?t=111489

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/5-steps-to-becoming-unflusterable/

let yourself worry for 20 minutes and then say thats enough, i got my 20 minutes in.

had dream last night featuring woman2005b aka woman4. i got a mad crush on her but she didnt like me because i was a drunk fool. i liked her because she was not a slut and kinda virginal and inexperienced and nerdy and introverted and awkward and weird, plus very cute. also she was white and not j00ish so thats good hahahahaha. she might have actually been asexual or a lesbian, dont know, not sure if she knew at that time. anyway in the dream we were kind of cuddling and making out, but not making out in a slutty this is going to lead to secs NOW sort of way, where you are spitting in each others mouths and groping each others crotches. but just gentle innocent tongueless kissing like they did in the more prudent 1950s or some shit, and some G rated cuddling and maybe hand holding. see i like this over that more overtly sexual stuff. which is why i prefer women that are more…..”romantic” than “SEXUAL”.  good lord just SOFTEN the edges a little bit, be a little bit more of a prude, and she was a great prude, and I saw some of that in my former female friend too. that prudishness and Sexual Innocence. i LOVE that. makes me develop real feelings for the woman. i like a woman who takes secs seriously and who isnt giving it away to every tom dick and harry. every chad and tyrone hahahaha.

anyway she was in the prime of youth then and is Now Over 30. holy shit! now she’s OLD! she probably hasnt hit the WALL yet. she’s in good health and probably still looks good and wont hit the WALL until 40, so good for her. she was a hard worker and had a Notable Career in Nonprofits. i always wondered if she ended up riding the Chad Carousel after she started her Career in DC. More than likely! then she’ll hit The Wall sooner.

if she really were a prude she would try to get transferred out of DC into the third world she was so interested in hahaha. maybe she did. maybe she was that weird. good for her. but she could still ride the Chad Carousel there too. but then it would just be weird.

but it was nice to have this dream where i was having fun making out with a woman who WASNT You Know Who. That Person. THAT PERSON.

damn she really ruined my YEAR hahahaha.

shit yeah i would still “take her back” if she came back. (she wont come back hahaha.) i would probably take ANY of the women back, after all these years. well, i would definitely use them as a fook dumpster at the very least, bang them 1000 times at MY convenience, until i got tired of them and totally put the lie to the idea that i could have EVER loved them, because now they were just an old piece of spent fook meat that i was DONE with!!!!! well, half of the women were worth that, the other half were actually decent women, so i could still possibly date them. if they hadnt’ gone and become degenerates themselves in the interim years. which they well could have.

just because a woman hasnt become a degenerate by age 24 doesnt mean she wont Turn Bad after that! it happens!

sure, most degen women will have turned long before that, like by age 20 or 21, but some women last through All Of College without doing the Chad Carousel, but then they START doing so AFTER college, when in Grad/Law Skool, or Career in the Big City.

well at least they have careers and secs lives hahahahaha. they are making something of themselves, being productive members of society, not being lazy loser deadbeats complaining about their anxiety and worries and low self esteem and no confidence and not being able to deal with life hahahahaha

i should take the political compass.org test so you know where i stand politically! i would guess Right Of Center, almost FASCIST. but i tolerate gays. but i dont tolerate open relationships and degeneracy. lets find out lolololol…

https://www.politicalcompass.org/yourpoliticalcompass?ec=-0.63&soc=0.72

holy shit i am almost dead center. but technically a “left authoritarian.” well i could see RIGHT authoritarian or even right libertarian.

i cant explain it to you and i cant understand it for you hahahaha

i was googling what to do when someone wants an explanation, and you cant give it, becuase you dont understand it yourself.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/my-partner-of-6-years-suddenly-left-with-no-explanation-and-has-completely-shut-me-and-my-kids-out-elise/

not related to that really but reminds me of what i went through with THAT PERSON. i didnt even WANT an EXPLANATION from her, I just wanted her to SAY SOMETHING to me and be NICER to me and to say she didnt hate me, she appreciated our time together, but now she wants to end. no explanation needed, just a Compassionate Talk to TRY to lessen hurt feelings.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/26-year-old-virgin/

unrelated, 26 year old virgin. male of course. there are a LOT of these, so dont be ashamed for being a 26 27 or even 30 year old virgin. it seems there are a decent number of 22 year old virgin women, but havent seen many virgin women older than that. oh well. i would GLADLY take a 22 year old virgin hahaha but 22 is too young for me to realistically pull hahaha.

oh god she was 24/25, she was a great age, THAT PERSON, obviously i like younger women because i like innocent, inexperienced, nonslut women, and most women are all whored up by 24, but not her! and when am i ever gonna meet another nonwhore 24 or 25 year old!!!

angelo john gage

What happened to men, women, and relationships?

good straight shooting vidya by a guy who immediately made a good impression on me. he only “awoke” not too long ago but he seems to get it, and talks REAL TALK. warning: he is pro-white hahahaha so if you dont like that, keep having bastard babies with tyrone who look NOTHING like you hahahaha until one of the tyrones eventually beats or gats you to def.

he is a little “too macho new joisey” type guy but I dont mind that much. i mean men should be men. i wish iwere more masculine!!!!!!!! then i might be able to pull gurls like this guy! he says he went through a hedonistic womanizing phase where he was banging a bunch of gurls at the same time, and did not want a committment. of course we can never know that feel, hahaha. but one day he met a Great Decent woman, who made him want to be Loyal, and give up his hedonistic degenerate lifestyle, and proved NAWALT hahaha. he dated her for several years and now they have a white babby he is very proud of.  well good for him. i would love to find a Nurturing White Woman who likes the idear of motherhood, and then make white babies with her. its just hard to make that much money that you need to be a good Husband and Father, what a sick sad world we live in, this is how the Bankster Elites destroy families and enslave the goyim and attempt to turn us all into r-selected muds breeding like rats and having cheap worthless lives.

also looks like he is really controversial on youtube and might be plant or a shill. oh well this vidya is good.

what to say when you cant explain something

yeah i just fooking HATE that THAT PERSON gets to keep doing good at her job, making money, being well liked, while I just totally fell apart and basically threw like $30,000 down the toilet because of a damn woman i never even really Dated hhahahahahaha and im gonna be the hysterical basket case who quits jobs cuz i cant handle stress, and she continues working stressful jobs, handling it, getting promoted, making enough money to live independently, have children, etc, and she might even want to have children some day. i would love to have children someday but i cant even make enough money to support myself, let along children, so i get JEALOUS of people with children. and FORGET finding a decent woman to have children with.

yep wish i never met her. there are actually very few people i wish i never met. because i had to really like them, then really dislike them. i guess “woman3” / woman2005a might be one of them, although i feel much more neutral of her now, 10 years later. but the timing on that was really bad. i was very upset when she “dumped” me from our pseudorel, and it caused a lot of drama, right as i graduated College, and i wonder if i didn’t have that drama, i would have been more mature and responsible about finding a decent Entry Level job right away, when its easier to do so, but instead, i was getting emotional and drinking too mcuh and worried about some dumb woman.

but i was immature anyway and really shouldnt have been at that college to begin with! i was never a great student, so it only makes sense that i was not a great postcollege job seeker.

but im not TOO mad about that. other than she became an intellectual phd even though i was 90000000000000 times smarter than her! now she’s a Well Paid Respected PHD professor and i cant even make 15 DAH! I get dumped by PHD’s, I get dumped by white trash gurls with associates degrees hahahahaha.

ive gotten dumped by cheaters, ive been dumper by babykillers, ive been dumped by bipolars, ive been dumped by eating disorder gurls.

115

http://lifehacker.com/5805406/a-step-by-step-guide-to-getting-better-customer-service?trending_test_d&utm_expid=66866090-62._DVNDEZYQh2S4K00ZSnKcw.4

http://positivesharing.com/2006/07/why-the-customer-is-always-right-results-in-bad-customer-service/

http://news.foodfacts.info/2006/08/mcdonalds-employee-has-mcrules-for-you.html

oh the comments hahahaha

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

http://gizmodo.com/nightmare-stories-of-your-worst-it-jobs-ever-1740606908

shit. these are the types of things i read. my confidence is gone. i didnt really have SUPER bad customers at my last job, nor did i have super bad management or tier 2 support. it could have been a LOT worse. and I was doing pretty well. and in the end it was a WOMAN, not the JOB, which killed me.

second thoughts about quitting? yeah I could probably go back bbbbbut i dont wanna work in a call center wawawawawawawawawawa. the ringing phones, the confusing issues, the nervously trying to bullshit them when you have no idea and you are putting them on hold frantically trying to figure shit out with a foggy mind. it didnt even matter that we had Some Tier 2 Support, and Some Good Managers, and a lot of good people who actually did try to help rather than Dodge Accountability So As To Meet a 20 Minute Average Handle Time. “Handle” meaning just Fob them off and pass the buck and Handle NOTHING.

but with Retail and Food Service, you handle the even worse customers, the joe blows off the street who are psychopath and sociopath that people on the internet complain about and they write books about. just notoriously Bad Customers who will never be satisfied, who LIKE giving poor service workers a hard time. how could you even do that. I ALWAYS think of the person whose job it is to serve me, and appreciate how badly i dont want their job, and the pity and sorrow i feel for THEM, so I am always nice and polite and agreeable.

i can do SOME customer service and I can do it WELL. I just cant do it ALL DAY and i cant do RIDICULOUS shit. unfortunately thats the ENTIRETY of MANY jobs. like i could never be a server. i would quit while working on my first table. i am kinda jealous of people who are good servers and especially those who make a Good Living working in Fine Dining.

heh. i just get too nervous when dealing with hard customers.

google nervous about hard customers / bad customers

and then i get FLUSTERED, and look like an IDIOT, and they want to talk to the MANAGER, then the MANAGER (or whatever higher-up) is mad at ME and wants to force me out of the job hahahaha.

shit. spent the day reading customer service and Bad Customers articles, how to deal with bad customers, then thought shit. got 7.2 miles of walking in. read stupid snagajob.com job search articles where some collegefag got a sweet FT job with benefits at snagajob corporate, and a bunch of horrible unwashing masses commented about how they hadn’t gotten 1 interview in 4 years, i am 62 years old, cant even get a minimum wage retail job, because they cant type hahahahaha. so i dont think this should doom them.

and then went back to my files to look for actual cases, complicated cases, so i can tell stories about them. find complicated cases and then pretend like the caller was angry even if they were not! cuz some of my cases where the caller got frustrated were really stupid cases where nothing got resolved, i had no idea what i was doing in the first month of calls, and they “had to go.” and left before i could resolve or escalate.

also too half dose of nyquil.

 

ITS A RULE: IF YOU WANT TO DUMP SOMEONE, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM

1026

well it has been 69 days hahahahah since i last initated contact. things are changing but not necess for the better! i am starting to remember her with anger and disapointment and not favorably.  so she remembers me as someone she hates? what for? she was way more out of line than i was!! so anyway The History Books will view this as her being a Stone Cold Awful Bitch.

BUT the history books will also view me as overreacting like a hysterical, anxious, overemotional beta bitchboi!

still better than a stone cold throwing you away bitch though. but not very proud or masculine either.

BUT….would i want to go back there and see her and deal with her every day?

HELL NO!!!!

so i made the right decision then?????

but i also feel crippling despair when looking at job listings and trying to get damn jobs. how do other people do it.

so you are not supposed to compare yourself to others, but when you DO, you prove how weird and different and unhealthy you are. maybe they are not super sucessful but they still manage to survive, maybe pull some slutty pussy hahahahaha.

thinking of ramping up the citalopram from current 20 mg to at least 40 mg, maybe 60, 80, or 100 hahahahah. rev that shit up because i am in the depths of despair and all muh hope is gone. the woman was my main source of hope.

i mean life is still good, i have plenty to be thankful for, but she was very special to me. very very special. i liked her more than i thought i did!!!!

lesson learned: tell them immediately if i have feelings for them. becuase i am so stupidly SENSITIVE to that bullshit that it WILL RUIN my LIFE if i let it get out of control.

now i feel bad because i acted a FOOL, i let myself get so out of control, just because of my feelings, for someone who couldnt care less for me.

i was wrong in my assessment of a persons character, so very wrong. how could i be so wrong? i am always so cautious and pessimistic! well i trusted her once. she just did a damn 180, turned into someone i didnt know any more.

well i WANTED to trust her, to think that she still cared about me enough to talk to me and try to Not Hurt Me So Blatantly.

and i am ashamed and feel like a feel for getting so emotional and anxious that i couldnt do my JOB.

when you think you are going crazy, or having a “nervous breakdown,” youre not really going CRAZY, you are just super stressed and anxious. that’s not CRAZY, thats just garden variety ANXIETY. but its a HUGE amount that makes you shut down or freeze up or run away or give up. i really shoulda just taken half a valium at work, taken a few days off work, rather than quitting. but now i dont want to go back there and face HER.

MAYBE if SHE had handled the dumping better, i would have handled the job better.

or she could have responded to me with something like “dont quit your JOB, dont ruin your life on account of ME, lets you and me meet with the managers one day and see if theres anything we can do. i am sorry your heart is broken.”

although it IS good to be away from her. i dont WANT to see her ever again….unless she changes her mind and wants to GO OUT with me, MONOGAMOUSLY.

no no, bad goyim, monogamy is oppressive and patriarchal and is what allows men to Punch Down From Above from their Privileged Position in the Patriachy, and abuse and keep women down! its like Anudda Shoah for Women! Oy vey! Its like raping women constantly! Yes All Women! Yes All Men Rape Women through the Oppressive Torture and Slavery of Monogamy! Shut it down!

i have been listening to “The Daily Shoah” and “The Merchant Minute” of “The Right Stuff.biz” and it is the greatest thing i have heard in years. My Movement might be reaching critical mass. it is an exciting time to be a rightist. and its increasingly ok for white men to come out of the closet and declare being a racist! and arent a bunch of neckbeard neo nazi virgins, but successful normies with careers, gurlfrans, children. well i am kinda jelly of THAT, because i am a neckbeard virgin loser hahahaha and dont DESERVE a good woman for a wife. not until i PROVE myself first. oy vey i dont have the courage.

yeah i could have blurted shit out to her a lot earlier. yes i should have. that was my mistake.

but she could have damn talked to me, wrote me an email, if she wanted to Terminate Our Relationship. i didnt think our chances were GOOD, i wasnt expecting to Be Friends Afterwards. I just wanted to face the conflict Head On and Move Past It without super shitty feelings. certainly failed to do that!

i bet women want monogamy when they are with a super alpha male. they dont want HIM dating anyone else. and as long as they are in luv with him, THEY dont want to date anyone else. it could take them like a damn year to get “grass is greener” syndrome, which with a beta, they will get within 3 months tops. chad thunderc0ck can prevent their wandering eye, mouth, ass, and uterus for longer.

WANDERING UTERUS. thats why men dont trust women!!!!!

so…..i was in the wrong for just not simply accepting someone wanted to dump me without talking to me?

I THINK THATS A RULE. IF YOU WANT TO DUMP SOMEBODY, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM SOMEHOW. Not necessarily talking in person, but texting, or emailing, or calling, to COMMUNICATE to them, i want out of this.

I didnt want to believe she really wanted out of it, because

  1. she didnt say that explicitly
  2. she kept saying we WOULD hang out someday, and i was desparate to believe it. also someone who wants ot dump you does NOT say you will hang out someday, they say, i want out of this.

if they dont and they say yeah we will hang out someday, thats a lot easier for the desperate person to live in denial and actual believe that bullshit.

1027

had yet ANOTHER dream where she made an appearance, i cant have this. in this one i was sitting around at a Video Store as if i were a teen waiting to be picked up from school, then i saw her, then she walked right by me and did not see me. this was kinda ridiculous as the place was not busy and i had a reasonable expectation that she would see me. she walked right by me and went and sat in an area behind me. i got up and turned around and could see her very easily as the area was behind a glass window. i was convinced that she had seen me and was ignoring me, so i was all angry and butthurt. her hair was dyed like crazy pink or purple or something, never a good sign, only huge bipolar borderline sluts dye their hair super weird colors like that.

i think i said “hello” really loudly and not in a friendly way. she saw me and said hello and went back to texting chad on her phone hahahhaahaha. she said hello but that was it, she was obv not wanting to talk any more. kinda like the super awkward event where i saw her last and then she stopped talking to me altogether. of course there i was a lot friendlier and tried to be friendly as fook. didnt help.

in the dream i was more angry, i dont like being ignored by someone who once was friendly to me. and not over the short term either, like when gurls are friendly to you for like 2 weeks then lose interest, because the world is full of interesting chads. it took her a damn long time to lose interest and that made it even worse when it happened!

anyway i am in a real phase where i am having dreams about her, it really sucks. seems like 2 or 3 dreams a week. just ridiculous.

i wish i could get over her as quickly as she has gotten over me!

and now i am increasingly angry about jobs and careers and shit. she is gonna move up in the career and i am gonna struggle to get back to where i was. where she was. i am super angry and bitter about all that. it is possible i could get a job one day and then she would get hired in as my boss hahahahahah my 8 years younger than me boss. no i am used to all muh tier 2 people being signif younger than me. this is just how it goes when you have failed in life hahahaha. Your Seniors are much younger than you. no joke hahahaha.

and i am way smarter than her!!!!!!!!

she has a pretty good work ethic unfortunately. i say UNfortuantely, because i used to admire that about her but now, like all her good qualities, i envy them because she has rejected me and refused to share these good qualities with me any more.

also the fact that i was much smarter than her allowed me to do better work than her in the recent job. because she would just do a halfass job without being AWARE she was doing a halfass job, beucase thats how complicating and confusing our job was.  and if i told her she was doing a halfass job (i didnt) she would certainly get even bitchier at me, rather than if CHAD told her the same thing!

and also her maintaining longer at that company is only a good thing as far as making that a good stepping stone for her. whereas i basically just committed career suicide! because of a damn woman!!!!! are you kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!

so basically she will be a winner and i will continue to be a winner, even though she cant write a coherent sentence. you should ahve seen HER case notes. they were orders of magnitude many tiers below mine. mine showed an INSANE understanding of the issues and were filled with details, recommendations, and suggestions. hers were like a baby wrote them. a tot. yet she moves up in her career and i move down. fooooooooook. and have dreams abotu her.

what if she has a dream about me? then she goes and moves up in her career and fooks chad. or worse, tyrone hahahahaha.

i would rather her become white trash with mudbabies with deadbeat tyrone absent fatherz, and be condemned to a life of degradation, degeneracy, dissolution, than to become a successful Career Woman!!!!!

none of the women i had feels for ever became huge white trash, in fact most became middle class successful, but if anyone were to become white trash, it would be HER, and now i kinda hope she does!!!!

i feel like she “betrayed” me more than i betrayed her! she became a different person more than i became a different person.

like she let me drown in quicksand! or was on a big ice floe and then i was on a small piece that broke away and slowly floated away.

so my feels for her DID change me a little in how i approached her, i was more mushy and lovey dovey and beta and tender, but i was always nice towards her. so it didnt change how i treated her THAT much. in contrast, she changed the way she treated ME like night and day. once she was nice, now she was mean and cold and distant.

and then you think why they do that, what did i do wrong?

but many times its all on them, why they are distancing from you. you have no influence over it.

be more like chad maybe. but if you are coming to them begging and pleading, what can i do to fix this, how can i change to make you come back to me……..bad news bears.

and they dont tell you anything but give me more space and we might hang out someday.

then you say no YOU gotta do better than that. you meet with me saturday the 15th at 7 pm and we are gonna sit down at the table and TALK about this officially. negotiate. go over terms. draw up a CONTRACT. I will gladly give you one month of space. not enough for you? well i will give you 6 weeks of space if you give me detailed, long emails and a 20 minute voice message every 2 weeks. your need for space does not cancel out your responsibility to communicate. communication is not some bad thing like neediness is. if you want space, you’re gonna have to communicate.

heh. she was the single reason i was able to get into that job. then she left me in the lurch. high and dry.

http://www.askamanager.org/2015/07/how-to-explain-to-interviewers-why-i-quit-my-job-without-another-one-lined-up.html

http://www.askamanager.org/2015/02/ive-messed-up-my-work-history-and-now-cant-find-a-job.html

this one is great too, what an unemployable loser

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i got in a super bad mood after reading ask a manager for a while, like oh god i have made a huge mistake, i cant bounce back from this one, i was slowly starting down the path of maybe not being a loser one day, but i got off that path in the worst way, and will now be doomed to being a loser.

had a horrible day yesterday, not so much because of HER, but because of me committing Career Suicide and quitting my job without another one lined up. now that is gonna finally start bothering me hahahaha.

every job sucks, every job is awful, everyone wants to quit their damn job. every job drives you crazy and is super stressful and nerve wracking and you have to be TOUGH to SURVIVE it.

so yeah i basically feel i am NOT TOUGH ENOUGH to deal with life. this sucks hahahaha.

of COURSE i got feelings for her. she was under 30, not ugly, not obese or even slightly overweight, no kids, low number of cox, no tattoos, nice. ANY man would get feelings for her. and i think she is finally starting to enjoy the Attention of Men, that she had not enjoyed before, due to her LTR. but now that she is over that, she is realizing there is a WORLD of men out there who will be Nice to her, help her at her job, buy her things, be her Crying Shoulder, and also the best kind of men, the Chads who would be exciting and fun and secsy. she is finding out what useful idiots men are, and how many there are, and what a Celebrity she is for being young, no kids, and not obese. she can get a lot of utility and maybe even happiness out of men. i could see her becoming a User Of Men. men have abandoned her, why shouldnt she abandon men, and just use them for attention and anything else?

or she could just go on being a nice person and make One Lucky Guy very happy, and never cheat, never abandon again, and this will remain the most hurtful thing she has ever done.

when you feel like youre “going crazy” and cant think straight, its probably just stress and anxiety and not actually going “CRAZY.”