ITS NOT OVERCOMPENSATION, ITS JUST COMPENSATION

feb 20 2017

go to leafly and look at all the stupid degen stoners giving reviews of area MMJ dispensaries. poorly written, pure 80 IQ stupidity, 420 blaze it lololololol best purps and turps, totes heat fire, couchlocked from deez fire budz. and i am thinking, THESE idiots and n3gr0s have medical cards? i mean they have to, pretty sure all dispensaries have security at the door to check that sort of thing. letting just anybody in would be asking to be shut down asap by the popo. believe me, even they arent stupid enough to want that.

get butthurt thinking so all these idiots have medical cards, where did THEY get them?

but most of them probably DO have Chronic Pain from doing Manual Labor jobs for years, so I cant really HATE on them!

then reading horrible reviews of actual certification places, like rude doctors grilling people and accusing them of lying and making them feel like criminals for trying to get a card, or waiting 5 hours only to get denied. but there are probably more positive reviews tho hahaha.

heh. wish i still knew anyone with a MMJ card hahahaha. insta drvg dilla.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/local/2013/11/09/washington-a-world-apart/

oh gawd hope they never take this down, an interactive map of charles murrays “SuperZips”(TM) that lets you see your ranking. my hood was lower than i thought but its still above 50 which i would assume is average hahaha.

heh basically makes a composite score out of median household income * percentage of college graduates. to show you where the “overeducated elitist snobs” (his term) of the New Upper Class sort themselves.

over my life i have lived in a zip that was below 10 in 2010 (horrible!) but back then it was prob a lot better. moved to a place that is mid 50s right now (it is a very nice place IMHO) and for Kollige lived in a place that was mid 70s and seemed very SuperZippy and esp SWPL leftist snob to my blood hahaha.

yet there are places very near to me right now that in the low 90s. but keep in mind this not necess a College Town, but a suburb where college educated professionals want to raises there families once they turn 40 and have made some money.

there are places near me that are horrendously low. poor black and white trash on drugs hahahaha. obviously shows me where i should try to score drvgs. all the places i would expect hehehehe.

fun tool, go play around with that map, see the scores of the zips. the number in the upper left from 1 to 100 is what you should be looking at. the green and yellow ones vs the dark blue ones. cant find another queryable dataset other than this (((WaPo))) one. but i bet charles murray has spent hours on this one hahaha.

get up early to go back to job tomorrow, end of weekend. took benedryls at 1 pm then 4 pm. bed at 7pm.

so MJ makes you lazy af. well im ALREADY lazy af WITHOUT it! thats my excuse. it would give so much FUN in blazing it, that its WORTH the tiny increase in laziness which would happen. im ALREADY very lazy. lazier than normies who become huge st0ners.

even at the young age of 24 she realizes that its a problem when she shuts down and doesnt communicate and wants to make an effort to improve her shitty communication style. good for her hahaha.

thought this would be the worst beta cringe friendzone story. didnt expect the part about “antisocial personality disorder.” and he is still doing better than me, in grad skool at age 23 hahaha.

feb 21

ok day at the job thank god. very low stress. thank GOD.

had dream last night that i was getting “intimate” ie groping, fondling, making out, and close to fooking, which to me is pretty intimate, but to many/50% of people is not, its just casual, with Woman 2005. i was just happy the dream did not feature That Woman! havent had a dream about her in a long time. would take any other of the women over her. so in fact i rather enjoyed this dream.

also it reminded me of the important lesson: when you are making out with a gurl and its getting hot and heavy and you are groping each other and she is letting you touch her Babymaker and she can feel your Babymaker getting hard, then that means the gurl is fully primed for and expects SECS. so if you DONT have secs right then and there because you get NERVOUS about secs, you treat secs as some hallowed babymaking ceremony that you have to build up to, she will be CONFUSED as fook. she will think why didnt he want to fook me? WEIRDO. CREEPER. and your plan to take it “slow” will backfire disastrously and you will never make out with the woman again and she will be fooking new guys in a few days.

the fix: you say, hey baby, i still get kinda nervous about secs because in my Principled Value System, it’s a very big step and a significant symbolic act with very serious consequences. So Imma give you a good pounding today, but imma just WARN you, it’s gonna be a little awkward, and you wnt have 6000000 gushing orgasms until I have banged you about FIVE times and have gotten more COMFORTABLE with this. so dont expect galloping thundering wallbanger secs right now on the first time. i am a traditional man and I dont like casual secs. so just KEEP IN MIND that we got to do this about five times before I really get into it and you really enjoy it.

this is exactly where I think I confused that 2005 gurl. I was making out with her and touching her Genitalia and she fully expected me to plow her that night, and I should have, but I didnt, because I really liked her, and didnt want to Go Too Fast like I did with the previous gurl. so, no surprise this new gurl also dumped me quickly. because what a weirdo i was! how come I didnt want to fook? was i mental or something? a psycho? absolutely! how crazy does a guy have to be to NOT bang a gurl who is consenting to be banged?

but i was in early 20s and this was only the second gurl i had gotten to 2nd or 3rd base or whatever that was. the second and the last gurl hahahahahaha.

so in the dream i felt those feelings, i was like, welp i am perfectly content to make out with you all night and just fingerbang your fookhole, i’ve only ever banged one gurl before, and i still get really NERVOUS about it. i didnt really communicate that too clearly, and she probably had trouble understanding how a man could ever be NERVOUS about secs, that all men would be THRILLED for such an OPPORTUNITY, and maybe she felt rejected by ME hahahaha. but i was VERY passionate and enthusiastic in my making out and groping of her! THAT should have told her that i was VERY thrilled to be doing this! and i was! the way normies feel about secs, I feel about making out and groping. but secs is just a bridge too far for me, and there i start getting nervous. and the women have a hard time understanding it. they couldn’t understand it at 21, and i bet they sure as hell couldnt understand it at 31, after 10 more years of the CC hahahaha. being rode hard and hung up wet.

so in the dream i was like, yeah babe I LUV making out with you, this is so hot, but i can see you want to get FOOKED, and you’re gonna get weird and think I’m weird if I dont stick it in you right now. so imma do that, but i’m JUST WARNING YOU, its gonna be kinda awkward. i’m just taking one for the team and doing you a solid as a sign of good faith, but I want you to give me good faith and commit to doing this 5 times with me, because i get nervous blowing j1zz in a new woman, because you can get preggers dont you know, or are you too tipsy from 3 drinks to think of the long term consequences of your actions hahahahaha.

really I DONT trust women to make mature adult decisions. they DONT know what they want, they DONT know whats good or bad for them. NO i DONT trust them to be an adult and make responsible decisions. thats the crux of the issue!

but yeah. i should have banged her just to NOT SEEM WEIRD, then she woulda let me bang her MORE, hopefully at least 5 times, and then i would have become more comfortable with it! WIN WIN!!!!!

so in the dream i started to stick it in and felt really nervous although I did like the sight of muh D going right into her Split Beaver. it seemed slightly pornographic but not as degen because it was “real.”

one issue was that a friend of mine was in the room with us, and i was like UHHHH BABE YOU SURE you want to do this with him standing right over there? and she clearly did. but that only increased my nervousness.

that has been a recurring theme, it wasnt too long ago i had another dream where a gurl was wanting the D but there was another person in the room with us. i wonder what that represents. probably my nervousness about secs. that im so nervous its as if someone else is in the room with us.

i mean i havent been in this position in like 12 years. it was about 12 years ago from right now when i was actually makign out with woman2005 and feeling her slimy pvssy hahahaha. it was nice. i really liked doing that. i just felt nervous going All The Way. because thats how babies get made and I didnt want to be conceiving any children and having to make a decision on the ungodly evil jooish abomination of abortion, which all women dont really have any moral reservations against, and im sure she didnt either hahahaha.

nothing super important here tbhfam. just if you get the chance to bang a gurl and you want to Take It Slow (TM) because you are Catching Feelings, ask yourself, do you really think she is Catching Feelings(tm) for ME, or does she just want a casual roll in the hay? prob the latter. never like the gurl more than she likes you! and you certainly want some more experience having Secs dont you? OF COURSHE! so just pound some booze, take a valium, mansplain that it takes you at least FIVE FOOKS to get IN THE GROOVE, and pound away like you are going mad in the gym. maybe do her doggystyle, might make that task easier. then she will stick around for at least 4 more bangs and you wont be so nervous about secs, about women in general. heh. i always got dumped before 5 bangs because they could tell i wanted a Real Rel, and they didnt. they just wanted Chill Fookbuddies. fine fine. yeah thats degenerate. but i at least could and should have used that degeneracy to my advantage. rather than my detriment. transactional hahahaha.

so yeah i DO regret not banging her. the regret doesnt eat me up inside, but it is a legit regret, i would totally have done things differently, and if i ever had the chance again, i would take it. i hope. rather than getting my heart broken again by another slut hahahaha. of course that wasnt the situation with That Woman, her I didnt even make out with but I was in luv with her. but i knew her for almost 3 years, those other women i barely even knew for 3 months. totally diff situation.

heh. you know you are a winner when you go to CONFERENCES. some of muh new colleagues are going to CONFERENCES. get on a plane and go to a 3 day conference in another state. this means you are a professional, you have made it, and you share ideas and research and articles and best practices and workshops and lectures and debates and presentations. and when you go to these all day conferences everybody TWEETS with a HASHTAG.

i bet if its a Hot Field with a lot of Under-30 WOMEN, god damn, that has to be a degenerate Fookfest worse than an undergrad frat party. because you have a bunhc of Professionals working 80 hours a week, work hard, play hard, then you go out to the bar, sing karaoke and get wasted, talk about your Career Paths, and have drunk secs with a 27 year old woman on her Way Up, and you have plenty to talk about because you have been on the same career path since age 18.  you think you have More In Common with a Fellow person in your Field, than you do with your GF or BF, who is in a field you know absoultely nothing about.  because your career is your whole life. because you are More Compatible(tm) with someone in your Career Field than someone whos not. If I had a Professional GF I would not trust her going away to CONFERENCES with a bunch of other nurses or teachers or marketers or realtors or accountants or whatever.

plus i am butthurt because at age 30+ i have never been to a CONFERENCE hehehehe.

heh those “sluts” i made out with 12 years ago have certainly been to conferences because they became Educated Professionals who live or want to live in 93%+ SuperZips hehehe.

anyway we got some guys in the office who Tweet and are Twitter Savvy, and other people who are not into it at all. just go to the conference and dont tweet hahahaha. not sure this is an age thing because there are plenty of 60 year old professionals tweeting up a storm. I tried to show the boss that i know how to use twitter and follow a hashtag hahahaha. but its something ive never “had” to do at a job before. that is, i never worked in a job where ANY of the people were regularly-tweeting professionals. not that you need to be a rocket scientist to use twitter. but you do have to be a Professional with Professional Opinions.

not just tweeting about feelings and women all day hahaha. or 1433 VVN hail victory hehe.

say you go to a conference that is 20% women at best and they are starkly divided between bangable and unbangable. how big of a head do you think those bangable women are gonna have? pretty fookin big hahahaha. not like they havent racked up 30+ partner count by age 30 anyway hahaha. so by that point, what differnece does one more Casual Coch make?

heh I was getting Bonding Chemicals and Oxytocin just from a hot and heavy make out session and touching the gurls genitals. how come this does nothing for THEM? that they NEED to be pounded hard before THEIR oxytocin kicks in?

but yeah its a bridge too far. i can be TOTALLY comfortable TOUCHING their cvnts, but putting muh exploding D in there, nope. cuz i NEVER FORGET that that is how BABIES ARE MADE. cant make a baby by making out and fondling. maybe i should have just tried to bang the girls in the ass hahahahahahahaha. be like hey HERES THE THING, Im paranoid about getting you preggers, so uh heres the thing. just lemme put it in your ass a couple times till i warm up to the idea hahaha. ya cant have a baby out of the ass. an 4n4l baby.

DEGENERATE hahahahaha. this is what YEARS OF PORN does to your MIND and SOUL.

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard” – Tim Notke and made famous by Kevin Durant

hehehehe great quote despite its cheesiness, it is still absolutely true. one of those true as hell cliches you should live your life by. i dont care about some n3gr0 basketball player hahahaha. i used to have talent and USED to have a LITTLE hard work ethic, but I lost that by age 18/19, and have fallen by the wayside ever since.

smart professional 95% leftist people like to use medium.com as well as twitter and instagram hahahaha.

i can understand the value of twitter. i just dont care about instagram but i guess its succeeding. snapchat appears to be failing.

i of course prefer gab to twitter because weev and others can say horrible anti J things on gab without getting banned! yet. but gab is never gonna “beat” twitter.

ooooo milo scandal where today he resigned from breitbart due to some Soft On Pedophilia statements he made, “joking”about banging 13 year old boys. hope people dont think this is what the alt right is hehehehe. or that this justifies the anti free speech thing at berkeley a few weeks ago where milo was speaking.

certainly the media wouldnt spin it to make gays look like degenerate evil pedophiles hahahaha.  might as well say the alt right are evil degenerate pedophiles and dont represent gays at all!

but yeah i mean i never LIKED milo, i always thought he was a degenerate hahaha. also he’s a J. hes just reaping what he sowed. he is not true alt right, but normies THINK he is alt right, and i dont want this to besmirch the alt right. well its already besmirched ENOUGH, people think we are all ebil natzees, so, what diff does it make really. none.

anyway, basically we need more right or even MODERATE/CENTRIST people in Thought Leader positions, going to conventions, making tweets, having people respect their opinions. no not journalists, but people in EDUCATION and Nonprofits and Social Work and Community Action. all that shit is just as POZZED as the Media. Sad!

like i see a lot of people in the Education field who are genuinely smart but also like sniffing their own farts as far as writing anti trump shit on twitter and medium hahahaha. we need less of that. less leftism in education. woooooo what a yuge bigly idea hahahahaha.

but yeah it IS sad. EDUCATION is actually even MORE important than the MEDIA, and both are leftist as FOOK. we dont even have a fox news of education. other than betsy devos i guess hahahaha. but every education administrator and “expert” and EdD and Teacher’s Teacher are fooking leftist as fook, totally about Equity and Mo Fed Money Fo Dem Pogams. isnt there ANY fookin alternative to this? for those of us who CARE about education but hate this leftist shit? i would totally be interested in a masters degree somewhere in education…….except for this leftist shit!!!!!!! and Graduate Education IN Education is pretty much SYNONYMOUS with leftist marxist bullshit!!!!!! SAD!!!

 

 

 

 

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NO DIRECTION IN LIFE

feb 8

kinda grumpy today even though i had a decent day at job. not sure why, not sure it even matters why. all day at job i was not so grumpy. just started when i got home. felt like a real loser. NO DIRECTION IN LIFE. it was prob hearing about this colleage womans daughter who is doing WELL in life. has plenty of direction. prob about 22 years old and looking at a highly selective Doctorate degree in a health field. they dont just want good students, they want good students with volunteer experience and LEADERSHIP qualities and letters of recommendation to back it up.

current the young woman has a 2 year degree in the health field and currently works FT in that field, with yearly opportunities to level up, take more training, and get pay raise. and rather than say this is it, i’m done, she says nope i want to do a highly selective competitive DOCTORATE degree that will DEF add to respect and pay and opportunity. i mean this isnt The Humanities were talking about.

and i was like shit this girl is only 22 years old at MOST. why didnt i just do something like that. how did i let myself get so far off track. why couldnt i just have had DIRECTION IN LIFE like that at that age. even now I dont have any direction. i dont think about graduate degrees like that. i just think of it as dues to pay, a grind, that will HOPEFULLY open more doors, but maybe not, just like regular college. If college is high school 2.0, then graduate school is just high school 3.0.

and right now i am tired and grumpy. took a benedryl at like 3 pm to prepare for early bed at 7 or so. but so tired at 3.44 i could take a damn nap right now. after a 6 hour Easy Day of Job. not working a 16 hour shift of a tough health job, on your feet, dealing with dying patients, running make and forth, making Creative Cognitive Decisions, and then coming home and working on online Graduate School, reading long dry papers, writing long dry papers, taking tough exams, doing Research.  but it is a good school and good program.

was talking a Choice Customer yesterday and found he had started a phd at a really shitty and expensive online college. I thought shit, why the hell did you do that. he was 1 point off on his major research project and essentially kicked out of the program, well, sure he could continue if he continued to pay them big bucks. and he’s taken a ton of random graduate programs at tons of random “third tier toilet” and worse colleges. and NOW, at 60 plus years of age, he is trying to get into yet ANOTHER graduate program, a phd once again. i just hope the school is ok, it seems better than the online bullshit (even though it is still online), and that they accept some of the work he’s already done and he wont have to start at square 1. because he is a great guy, very willing to work hard, not a lazy guy.

i cant think of ANY lazy person that lazily got a masters degree as a kind of high school 3.0. EVERY one was hard working and motivated as FOOK, even if the college was bad and the degree didnt pay off. (In most cases, it did pay off though. just not for my 65 year old buddy unfortuantely. well, SOME of his graduate work def paid off in his career. just not enough of it IMHO.)

anyway. to think i would not be worthy of this 22 year old woman because she is way out of my league. and she IS. way younger AND WAY more ambitious AND way more successful at 22 than I am at 31+ and probably ever will be!  I have no CHANCE of Dating a woman this high quality!

not that her career ambition MAKES her high quality, because i dont think women NEED that, but it MIGHT correlate with the positive trait of not being a stupid party slut.

now i only know the mother, who is my colleague, who is a very nice and friendly person, and SHE has a masters degree from a Good School. shit i think she has TWO masters degrees. i cant even force myself to get ONE hahaha.

i also have a pretty good idea that parents who are successful masters degree professionals are good at guiding their children down similar paths, and the children are usually good at going down these paths. like this womans daughter im SURE works very very hard, because you HAVE to in order to do that stuff, but I’m also pretty sure the daughter is not Struggling so much that she is on the Verge of Falling Apart just trying to do the bare minimum of admittedly Super High Expectations and Responsibilities. I was always on the EDGE of FALLING APART. and at least two times i fell off that edge and DID completely fall apart and break into 600000000000000000 pieces. so naturally thats a big worry of mine if i ever were to somehow get a lot of responsibility, that i dont think is as much of a worry to these hard working, successful young normies.

heh. bought a piece of silver for the first time in at least year and a half. 1 oz britannia round from modern coin mart on ebay.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/142175132771

seemed to be decent price, havent bought silver in forever, and dont have a britannia yet.

Super Secret Encrypted MEssage

—–BEGIN PGP MESSAGE—–
Version: GnuPG v2

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i/IAlpegKGEUUeRKo6G8++jmEc50XGtX4jpNaTRB0RPNmQlgDKZRgQ8qNTwIBxOG
KV0O+KNkeGitYZA+55/FhGGuCJxb+MtciR32oRBxGIQwwD+4OIxLheB9EeY2Y6e3
MqjaAA63YICqnoJ2O8EyCSekajkvjj8wCNGmhP3bed/tyBb42GXqWDu5iMWceFZW
il6Gu3a7ECwMIhFZDSJxshn4obymahkTnh58WpKOztJbAaX+kv5vG4orVpXNVqAI
KrnFppWcxD2YdaAKpuyneF8ZM1rc0F/GB1aLbPzgXdS+l64ELrANlTbwWBYJVJZ9
iq+qb0xHHGCnNZNX74HfNuOL59pjg2w8759o7Q==
=AoQy
—–END PGP MESSAGE—–

that is what an encrypted message looks like hahahaha. i wonder what it says hahaha.

if you give a person both the unencrypted  message and then the encrypted message, can they then determine your private key? your public key? and then decrypt all messages you encrypt for that person?

my thought is no. hopefully. i mean i thought PGP was so strong even NSA/CIA/Kremlin/Mossad couldnt break it!!!!!

heh. MJ’s price is like over 10 times that of silver, but like 7 times less than gold.

had a flicker of interest in checking out “higher education administration” masters degrees but the one in the area is full time and also has a YUGE emphasis on Social Justice and Equity. like these are literally the first things they mention when describing the degree. DAMN. NOT A GOOD SIGN.

all in preflop with AA. he had JJ and got a J. no A for me. lost it all. IM OUT!!!!!

it was a kinda bad beat, not the worst beat, but I CANNOT lose sight of the fact that i DID THE RIGHT THING by going all in with AA. now if I had KK, I dont know. I worry the other guy had AA. but going all in with AA vs JJ is ABSOLUTELY the right thing, EVEN THOUGH I lost.

feb 9

saw muh older teacher Buddy today and he is jsut a great guy. i dont like to see him toiling on phd stuff with shit tier schools who then leave him in the lurch. he is meeting with a new school soon about a new phd program and hopefully they give him good news and also let him use some of the stuff he’s already done. i cant imagine having that kidn of motivation at age 65 hahaha but GOD BLESS HIM hahahaha.

so i asked him if i could read some of his papers, could you just shoot me an email, or show me some papers on your flash drive. he said sure and i popped in the flash drive and copied a few papers for my reading pleasure. just so i can get a better idea of what his work and interests are about. his intellectual pursuits that dont involve teaching intro classes to 19 year old arab punks hahahaha.

because his background and interests are KINDA similar with my own. except he took infinitely more graduate level courses than i did, which I did zero hehehehe.

but hes written a lot of stuff and i dont think much of it has gotten PUBLISHED. maybe one paper in 20 years. talk about discouraging! but this doesnt stop him.

anyway, i basically have to get the papers directly from him if i want to read them, so i did that, and i am happy about that.

not surpirsingly the stuff reads like dryass academic articles……which they are.

i mean this guy is the antithesis of dry. he is high-energy, sociable, extraverted, friendly, engaging, charismatic, his students love him, with good reason. he really needs to write a Nonacademic book.

bringin out the BIG GUNZ today, the start of muh weekend, when I would really like some MJ hehehehehe. but yeah this is a classic black metal album of all times. its classic for a reason. and not just the title song. the whole damn album. if you are down with weakling you are down with me. just top tier shit. topkek. vocals are just fine. ok i wish they did another album, and im not THRILLED that the bass player was a jooish woman. i dont think she had much creative input though.

heh. read the 40 page paper of muh “colleague.” well i mean double spaced word document and 10 pages was references. it was well referenced at least hahaha. very well referenced. i know da phds have systems and strategies and software to keep their references straight. but this guy…..is not super duper tech savvy, think he probably doesnt do that.  great guy tho. i am not dissing him. i mean the whole time he was working more than full time, has like 3 now adult children, and when he wants to take it easy he will do sub teaching to grade school kids in a good district.

theres one more paper i got from him, a 50 page paper that is the closest thing to a dissertation, on a diff topic than the previous paper, and hopefully he will be able to “recycle” this when he gets into the new program. he is a great guy, have kinda a mancrush on him.

dug around in email and found my old song from 2008. saved it to google drive for double backup hahaha. its still a good song even though i played it very sloppily. and i was a young, dumb, drunk loser absolutely killing my brain permanently at the time.

feb 10

MW doing some great obvious mansplaining. none of us should need this, but i really like hearing smart articulate people articulate it, and i would prefer my waifu to nod her head and say yes i agree with that and i’ve acted in accordance with that.

“SHE DOESNT TAKE REPRODUCTION, THE MOST PRECIOUS THING SHE HAS, SERIOUSLY.”

how is this SO hard to understand. j00 lies, thats how.

also more common sense which i need to remember more often:

  1. it severely hurts womens (and to a lesser extent mens) ability to PAIR BOND or CONNECT with a Mate, and this is of course related to the main point above

now MW seems to buy into the idea that Previous Fookbois DNA somehow permanently stays with the women and can influence the DNA or development of future child she has with a DIFFERENT man. this isnt the first time ive heard this theory. it sounds ridiculous but i grimly accept that it could be a fact hahahaha. there needs to be more Real Science on this, but that will never happen, couldnt get funding for that.

day off, tried to be productive, not neckbeard until at least 5 o clock, mainly succeeded. got up, did errands and such. got a great pair of 12 dollar george pants (tan/”barley”) from walmart, greatest pants EVER, so greatful to GOD that i have found these god blessed pants. fit just right, nice classic high rise fit, are pretty soft, look somewhat dressy and have a crease, have unpleated flat front. PERFECT. i hope they never stop making these.

also did grocery shopping and came home and cooked the beef. i bought really cheap beef which felt someone slimy. next time i will not buy the cheapest beef they have hahahaha. hope i do not get sick hahahaha.

trimmed beard with level 2, prob ideal to do this once a week.

and, very bigly, attempted to hem the leg of my nice walmart pants because i am a short manlet with like 26 leg hahahaha. it became so frustrating and time consuming just to try to iron a straight line on the legs that i gave up, unfort. basically you need to iron TWO straight lines in EACH pant leg before you start sewing. one for the actual new bottom fo the leg, and ANOTHER 1.5 inches below it where you actually CUT the leg and fold it under and do the sewing.

it all get twice as complicated because you’ve turned the pants INSIDE OUT.

and i dont know how to put a PIN in the leg at the desired length, and then fold the leg under so it creates a perfect straight line at the place of that pin.  let alone 2 straight lines. so frustrating to do it, and also frustrating to not be able to figure it out, and just give up. maybe i will try again tomorrow. i ironed one leg and the two lines were clearly not parallel. i was using a ruler to measure up from the bottom, and using a special fabric marking pencil i got in the ladies sewing aisle at walmart hahaha. but actually folding it into the straight line was the impossible part.

at muh social function was finally confronted on muh political views, not in a suspicious or bad way, but like well what DO you think about this. these are two VERY leftist guys who are HORRIFIED about trump, HORRIFIED on the travel ban, are ELATED that the travel ban has been shot down by judges, are disgusted by trump and his unethicalness, its been a horrible 2-3 weeks, im scared for the future, this is the worst president weve ever had, shit is BAD, what about flynn and putin, the bad news is that these guys actually read the news and are interested in news and politics, and the one guy is very articulate in arguing for his textbook New Upper Class SWPL leftism.

So I have to soften myself and CUCK myself because i dont dislike the people, but i know they would dislike my real views. so i said welp im probably a little bit the right of you guys, i had a big libertarian phase so i am pro-gun ownership and fairly libertarian on gays, and im also very interested in fascism and globalism and nationalism, see evola and riding the tiger and the kali yuga.

thankfully i found out one of the guys was more reasonable on guns than i thought he was.

but yeah both guys are very smart and read huffpost type stuff in great detail and have detailed opinions on judges, obamacare, mattis, flynn, travel ban, guns, abortion, gays, gorsuch, etc.

they are more tuned into news and politics than average person, and also more leftist than the average person. how do i always end up with the leftists hahahahaha.

so it came up because they were so WORRIED about whats been going on. trump should be IMPEACHED. he WILL be impeached. he will prob be impeached in under a year. trump is TERRIFYING. I cant BELIEVE this is our president. nevertrump sort of guys hahahaha. successful men over 30 years old.

one semi joked about an “INTERNATIONAL JOOISH CONSPIRACY” and I semi joked back, no, i’m not into conspiracies at all, but i do think it’s important to take an uncompromising look at jooish interests, they are real. although i didnt say any of this intelligently or confidently.

in the future i guess i might mention the alt right, and how you would agree that its important to understand how trump has mobilized a voting block among Working Class people. Populism. As a working class man from a working class background, I think these peoples interests are very valid. i do identify with middle american and i believe they are getting slandered as stupid ignorant backwards racists when they are really just average, everyday working people who want the best for their children. they are not so bad as rachel maddow and huffington say. their interests are my interests. i will try to say something like that.

but yeah. i am disappointed that i sounded like an unprepared idiot. cuz especially the one guy is a very strong communicator and arguer. and i dont want to argue with him hahahaha. both guys are way more successful than me.

so yeah but i am happy i was somewhat productive today. still would LUV some MJ of course. planning on taking a valium very soon, and then a benedryl before bed. ALREADY took a benedryl a few hours ago.

can you pgp things other than text? like files? i know you can pgp encrypt a hard drive.

yes you can. i just encrypted and decrypted a mp3.

ok 7 pm friday. gonna take the valium. ok took it.

but yeah. these guys are textbook New Upper Class Educated Professional masters degree joo york types. except one of the guys has very working class background and has no good reason NOT to be a trump supporter. the other guy has a much more middle class career much more in line with his Educated Professional views. although his family is kinda working class too!!!!!

probably made a mistake even mentioning fascism and anything slightly jooish. should have just said im a little bit more rightist than you guys, i read BREITBART sometimes with muh huffpo and msnbc hahahaha.

i dont even read breitbart and i never read huffpo unless i want to get Triggered hahaha.

also took a nice brief powerwalk because it was kinda sunny and slightly above freezing and i said it would be STUPID NOT TO, so, glad i did that.

i know there had to be a time when the majority of people on jeopardy didnt have graduate degrees or were grad students. but it is not so in the current year.

heh. it just feels wrong to have men and women competing against each other in almost any setting. ESPECIALLY FOR jobs and WITHIN jobs. and even on jeopardy. a program ive always enjoyed watching and playing along with, i am above average good at it, toot toot.

this winterfylleth album goes very well with their previous album “the threnody of triumph” hehehehe

 

IF HAVING SECS IS EASIER THAN COMMUNICATING, THEN WHAT ELSE IS EASIER THAN COMMUNICATING?

sat sept 2

sheeeeeit MIGHT go to the fitness place today. saturday afternoon. its gonna be busy. theres gonna be arabs right next to me on the treadmill chanting, singing, praying, talking loudly in arabic. having loud annoying obnoxious phone conversations with other arabs. hehehehehe. arabs are fooking OBNOXIOUS. if they acted more like whites I wouldnt dislike them as much. white are generally not this obnoxious. in general. on average. they can still be plenty obnoxious. but i give them a little break because they are my people. there’s a race war on right now. every time a white becomes white trash, schlomo rubs his hands. and 95% of people dont know the JQ, so they just dont KNOW any better, and ignorance kind of IS a valid excuse.

anyway i would just go for 1 hour, use the treadmill, try to slowjog for 1 mile tops, listen to music and podcasts.

saturday afternoon. bet that woman is waking up next to her new boifran, all happy after being fooked hard and smoking tons of MJ hehehehe. good riddance. i still want her hahaha.

but i accept that will never ever ever ever happen. 100%. yearning for MJ is a much more realistic, doable thing. so i yearn for that equally hehe. this is really because i am socially inept. i literally don’t know anyone who can get me MJ, and i dont have the balls to seek people out. I asked the one person i could possibly ask, and that was a no unfortuantely.

i bet i could ask a bunch of people at planet fatness. all the arabs and albanians, a bunch of them def sell drvgs hehehehe. but i wouldnt trust them to give me a fair deal or to get what i really want (medium quality 1nd1c4 at a medium level price. medium, not high. medium is good enough for me, that i dont need to pay a premium for HIGH quality. medium is MORE than good enough, or at least it used to be, and i THINK it still would be.)

so yeah might do that at 1 o clock. but it will prob be busay at that time.

anyway. a few months ago the thought of her fooking and luving her new bf would have made me a lot more upset. and i would have wanted HER a lot more than i wanted MJ. but now they’re about equal hahahaha. i might even want MJ more hehehe.

granted, i dont want to RUMINATE or LINGER on the thoughts of her loving getting fooked and doing all sorts of degen with her new BFs. or just a string of casual guys.

and im just as more likely to get butthurt at HOW CAN SUCH A DEGEN MAKE SO MUCH MORE MONEY THAN ME AND BE SO MUCH MORE SUCCESSFUL AT ADULTING THAN ME.

yet she has no idea of The Arc Of History. No idea how Relationships Work. Is like a Baby with a Gun. Doesn’t understand her Reproductive Role and the Responsibilities that go with it. Doesn’t know how to communicate.

WRONG. she just didnt WANT to do any of that with ME. but with a SECSY masculine man, she was MORE than WILLING to do all of those things.

willing to hang out, willing to communicate, willing to sacrifice, willing to put herself out on the line, willing to go all in or even just half in, hahaha. willing to talk, willing to listen, willing to put yourself in the other persons shoes, willing to work, willing to make an effort, willing to change, willing to compromise. willing to go to a relship shrink hahaha. willing to end the rel in a sympathetic way.

willingness is SO important.

anyway im done with her waaaaaaaaaa i accept that,  and i have finally found somewhat of a job after Much Struggle, so…..i just want to buy a bag of MJ at a fair price plus maybe 15% tip/premium/finders fee hahahaha. maybe 20%. fine 20%. buy a 100$ dollar thing for 120$. buy a 150$ thing for 180$. COME ON. how can you turn that down.

later.

well i did go to fatclub. used treadmill for 65 minutes. burned 426 calkories. it was surprisingly not too busy. didnt have to wait. there was a qt white girl near me wearing extremely tight pants that were painted on her ass. after a few minutes another qt white gurl got in front of me with extremely tight pants. this is just fooking NORMAL and they dont KNOW how SLUTTY it looks! they LOOK like theyve fooked 20+ guys, when they’ve really only fooked 10! it’s not fair to them hahahahahahahaha

yes there were some swarthy arabs and turks in there, pretty high percentage unfort, BUT on the whol the place was NOT packed, and that was my main concern. have not been there in like 7 months.

but yeah if a woman fooks 20 guys and doesnt even know their names, then yeah you are entitled to feel a little butthurt when she doesnt fook you. ok so you might not have the best of intentions but i GUARANTEE you have better intentions, on average, than some of the Tough Guys she fooks! they dont give a damn who they hurt! you at least would abide by the campsite rule! leave em as good as you found em! (tech its “leave em better than you found em.” little generous. my version is, leave em as good as you found em.

youre just lookin for some secs, you’re not trying to screw anyone over or lie to anyone. no lying or cheating or douchebaggery. just slam bam thank ya mam. i mean shit. if youre not an experienced chad normie thundercock, you’ll prob end up getting feelings for any qt gurl who fooks you even if you set out to NOT get feelings and just have casual secs like she does.

but yeah. did a slow jog at 5 mph for 1 mile. so that took 12 minutes. pathetic hahahaha. then “rested” for 5 minutes or so, then started focusing on incline, keeping it at 3.0 mph. the incline did not seem super hard until after like 8 degrees. it goes up to 15 max which is darn steep. i think i always had it on 1.0 because that is a good simulation of real life.

these women. secs. yeah. its FUN to them, but MEANINGLESS fun. like JERKING OFF is for you. when you watched porn, you didnt think of those porno whores as PEOPLE. that might make it more uncomfortable. well, normie staceys dont think of the chads they fook as people either. just pornography, this is their version of porn. and god forbid they ever confuse YOU with one of those fookable chads and you get lucky once.

you will feel wow this is so special, she will think wow this is fun, but i hope he doesnt get feelings, doesnt he understand what casual fun is? this is just chill fun. dont get feelings. its just sex. if he gets clingy, im dumping him. i dont need that.

so yeah i guess i resented women for being able to feel that way about sex. about PEOPLE.

believe me, if i were actually fooking the girls in the pornos, it would be alot easier to view them as PEOPLE. you have a sweaty naked body there staring you in the eyes, being all sweaty and stinky. how can you NOT see them as a person. a fellow human being. DAMN.

i was thinking, well, how many good friends have i had during my life. this is how close you should get to someone before you have SECS with them. get as close to them as you would a Good, Top Tier Platonic friend.

So how many of those have I had? quite a few, actually.

2 in grade school, maybe 3;

3 from high school;

a bunch during college. 6 or 7 or 8.

(so therefore we should expect that the normal woman has 8 secs partners during college. because I had 8 decent friends during that time.)

a couple after college, including That Woman because we were good friends before the shit happened. maybe 3 or 4.

so, maximum of 3 + 3 + 8 + 4 by age…..30 ehehehe. THEREFORE, its ok for women to have a max of EIGHTEEN sex partners before age 30.

yeah but i didnt have secs with ANY of these people hahahahaha.

ok lets say 17, because one of the grade school friends, i wasnt really friends with him any more by the time i Hit Puberty, ie, when people really want to become Sexually Active. Start noticing goyls and jerking off to pron.

i suppose if a woman knew their secs partners as good as i knew any of those 17 people……then i cant really be butthurt if they fooked them. because i knew those people pretty well, a lot more than what I imagine women know the men they casually fook.

so there. you are allowed a max n of 17 by age 30!

but i dont want age 30 women, i want age 25 women.

ok, so how many of those friends were by age 25 for me? vast majority. maybe 15. i really slowed down on the friendmaking after age 24, 25 or so.

Fifteen Partners by Age 25. I HAVE to allow it. shit that sounds like SO MANY though.

i was in church and there was an adorable, well-behaved, blond-haired Little Gurl near me. I felt a very Paternal, Fatherly Urge towards her. Like I want to PROTECT that Little Gurl and make sure no one hurts her. none of these degenerate BOYS who just want ONE THING.

and there was nothing secsual about it, thank god. i didnt want to molest or Touch or Fondle or Make Out with the Little Gurl. Those things seemed disgusting, as they should. however I felt that perhaps hugging or “cuddling” the girl might be appropriate insofar as the realm of Fatherly Protection and Comfort, like how a little girl would cuddle with her Father. I didn’t see anything inherently degenerate with that.

so then I thought about how Cuddling could be a completely nonsexual act. in that you could do it with people you are not sexually attracted to AT ALL. well you can do it with just about ANYONE, really.

how about this. a dark net market for your local region, so you could essentially buy buy things and then have the person drop them off at a drop spot. stealth. rather than sending Stuff through the Mail. damn.

today i thought, if its impossible for me to luv women, and I REALLY want easy casual secs, i should look at like 45 year old milfs. would prob be easier to bang than 25 year old gurls. who are hard as fookin hell to bang. i need an easier mode. maybe 45 year old women are that mode. but theres a hell of a lot more bangable 25 year old women than 45 year old women! but they might like being a Cougar to a Younger Man hahahaha. not that I would be super young, like a 25 year old Cougar Cub is super young hahahaha.

this is why i d’nate 24 dollars a year to WEEV, so he can Engineer Software to tell white faces from black faces hahahahahahahaha. glad to see george feels in the comments hehehehe. because of this i think george is on the cusp of becoming one of us hehehehe. anyway i agree with weev that we need more pro hwyte, 1433 hackers and programmers and security types. it aint me babe, becuase i FOOKING HATE COMPUTERS. I FOOKING HATE THEM. as far as fixing problems with them, or figuring out how they work, i fooking HATE all that shit. i only like using working computers to use the internets. as far as coding and programming and networks and COMPUTER CAREERS, I HATE that shit. thats why i quit muh education in computers and never continued doing it for fun. BECAUSE IT ISNT FUN AT ALL.

jan 15

good cover of Best Ulver Song here, ol Winterfylleth has been Pinging on muh radar and they do a good version of the iconic song. not much change from original other than changing the lyrics to english. which i dont mind at all.

i think of them in same vein as SAOR, ie semi “pagan” stuff from The British Isles, but seems to be more blasts here. maybe wodensthrone would be better comparison. which is perfectly fine, i appreciate wodensthrone!

heh might get banned for muh inflammatory post on jan 15 hahahaha. i was turning a corner here. from complete despair and sorrow over that woman, to having a little more energy, and anger, little hwyte boi rage hahahaha, and also i was getting back to muh racial roots thank god. that whol debacle took my focus away from where it really matters, ie my people. was so obsessed with HER I couldnt even think of MUH PEOPLE.

heres the next most recent winterfylleth album, sounds pretty good. the main criticism im seeing is that they are “samey” and “boring”, and i could see that happening, but they present a very hwyte, beautiful, awesome   A E S T H E T I C nonetheless.

dnated 5 feckin dollas to the lawyer who defended WEEV and now weev has put out a call to donate to this guy. heh i wont dnate any more but when weev vouches for the guy, that is good enough for me. i look at it as giving a tiny token for keeping weev out of prison for life. i mean he already went to prison. thinking this lawyer was key in helping get him OUT of prison.

the ol legs are a bit sore from the activity i put them thru yesterday. so i will take it easy today.

maybe we SHOULD “PRACTICE” on milf sluts. is it easier to be Confident around a 45 year old milf slut, that around a 25 year old Young Slut?  I think maybe. good chance. good hypothesis. I actually do like this idea. obviously the trick is finding a 45 year old woman who still looks good. probably the ones that do, have a vastly overinflated sense of self worth. just like the 25 year old ones hahahahahaha.

made muh famous Beef N Bacon Chili. it is packed with Protein and Fat hahahahaha. 2.25 lbs of beef, about .75 lbs of bacon (12 oz package), 2.5 cups tomato sauce, 1 cup salsa, 30 oz of beans hahahaha.

trimmed beard to level 2, have been meaning to do that. i was surprised at how much it trimmed off. do this more often so i dont look like a slob. be thankful i have a NEW JOB where i am allowed to have a NEATLY TRIMMED beard. so keep it NEATLY TRIMMED. thankfully it didnt look TOO bad before this.

did i not STRETCH properly yesterday? probably not. i stretched a LITTLE, but it was prob too little, too late.

i know ive linked this before but well worth linking again. very similar to winterfylleth, possibly even better. atmospheric and epic without being huge shoegazing pvssies. plenty of savage blasting. now with moar kvlt factor now that they are RIP. i dont usually like Full Bands but these guys do a good job. good drummer. good guitar playerz.

still think of that woman unfort. how i want to hold her sweaty pasty non potato body hahahaha and gaze into her eyes and have her smile at me and touch her for hours. how do you replace that feel. well women do it very easily. any man will do. i wish she had as fookin HARD of a time replacing ME as I am replacing her. people aren’t that god damn replaceable. they SHOUDNT be.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twin_Peaks_(2017_TV_series)

so yeah the “third season” of twin peaks IS happening, it IS directed and written by david lynch, and I SHOULD be legit excited for this.

watched some teasers, not much there, other than to hint DIS GON BE GOOD. pretty much all the main people who arent dead. angelo badalamenti is not dead and is doing music. david lynch is not dead thank GOD. but he does look old AF and i hope he’s quit smoking. he is absolutely ridiculous but he never sold out to the J’s as much as other holywood people hehehe.

maybe david lynch did something big in the past couple years and i missed it because i have not been paying attention to movies.

nope, nothing.

anyway i could see myself getting back into movies again. but its a lot harder to do Unpozzed movies or TV than unpozzed music because of all the damn (((people))) involved. theres ALWAYS a you know who in there.

but yeah. that woman. damn. i dont WANT to start something new with a new woman. i wanted things to work out with HER. we already HAD something. i dont WANT to find somebody new. the special feelies i had, they were for HER. and that we had built something together. and i got to know her nice and slowly over a period of several years, not some whirlwind clusterfook of meeting and fooking and dating and hanging out and breaking up and sorrow and jealousy and bitterness that starts and ends in a period of like 3 months, and you never really KNEW the person.

i dont want to go through that with anyone. i want to get to know someone gradually. like i did with her. there was really nothing SUDDEN there. except for the ending. i didnt except the Bottom To Fall Out as suddenly as it did. even me going from “no feelings” to “feelings” was a gradual process that started with me really Facing The Feelings, and considering the feelings. Giving the feelings a chance.

and the idea of meeting some 45 year old slut on tinder, banging her within 2 dates, i dont like when things begin like that. i dont like people who begin things like that. but i am increasingly open to the idea of casual sex with sluts. provided i dont GET feelings for them. i havent got feelings for a slut in like 9 years…..but funny things can happen when you hang out with or bang a gurl. it triggers feelings. that they dont get because theyve been through this SO MANY TIMES.

i luv these. see, it happens ALL THE TIME. male falls in LUV with their female friend. and I would argue, the closer of friends they are, the more likely he is to fall in luv with her. if they are “best friends”, then it’s pretty much 100% gonna happen. not if, but when.  NEVER FORGET THIS.

thankfully reddit did not tell him what an evil person he is. and many people say give yourself some space because when you have feelings , you are not ready to be just friends yet. NO SHIT. I thought this was common sense. yep he needs lots and lots of space.

hehehe well at least i am slightly better than that, i have had 10+ jobs in muh life hahahaha.  and I keep meticulous records of everything my fam gives me, and how much I give back to them, and I continually try to increase the % of what i give them hehehehe. cuz yeah i suppose fam is a bit enabling, but i feel appropriate guilt and shame imho and make a good faith effort to pull some weight and give back, plus if i were kicked out i would prob die or K self or have to suck dick, and its probably better to be a damn mooching neet than SUCKING DICK ON THE STREETS.

WHY CANT MORE WOMEN THINK SLVTTISHNESS IS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS

jan 5 new current year

just getting ready for the day. 656 am. i could PROBABLY sleep in an extra 15 minutes. maybe i will eventually do that. but i like having this buffer of time to write a few sentences, check email, and, of course, go make explosive coffee water #2’s like i am about to do right now.

ok did that. i mean its really quick.

anyway yeah my main issue now, and i didnt really have this at the previous job because that job was so stressful and packed that we really never had a chance to talk about anything not job related, we were all just trying to survive day to day. but now that the pace is a little slower THANK GOD, i am pressuring myself to be more social and charismatic and normie.

i mean i will take this new problem ANY DAY over what I faced before. im not complaining haahahha. well i kind of am. but never forget, that in comparison, it is not even 1% as bad altogether. i get a 99% reduction in stress and panic and thats The End Of The Story.

spent like an hour responding to a Support Ticket today that in my previous job, would have been expected to knock out in 20, or better 10 minutes. it doesnt matter if you dont know the answer. find the answer and answer it within 10 minutes. I laboriously wrote an email like the sloth. included Too Much Information and Misinformation. and I probably didnt even need to do ANYTHING, because someone else would be in in the afternoon that knew a lot more about the topic. an SME. but i was determined to Do Something and Add Value and figure out how to use the ticket system better. So I took a shot at it and hopefully superiors say good for him to try this, rather than, oh shit what a stupid fookup, i wish we could fire him, but he’s in the union grrrrrr. he totally did this wrong. gave the person bad advice, poorly written, and used the program in more wrong ways than we could imagine hehehehe.

anyway i did ok i guess. give myself a little more crrrrredit hahaha. had a paltry two customers in today and tried to act like a nice normie to them. painfully awkward small talk. jeez. for a while, i used to be GOOD at this. at my previous job. after i talked to people ALL DARN DAY i got pretty good at small talk. wish the learning curve wasnt that rough. because i cant handle talking to people ALL DARN DAY….well, when its complicated complex shit. and what im doing now is nowhere near as complex. it can get complex, but there are SEVERAL SME’s with Masters Degrees just waiting to Yank the Case from me. Aint No Need to BEG like I did before!

the beotch in the comments is half good and half bad. she says that she is automatically suspicious of anyone who talks of a BEST friend who is opposite sexs,usu means you are in luv with them. i would tend to agree! i guess you can have normal acquaintance friends of the opposite secx, but once you upgrade them to BEST friends or really really really close top tier friends….you are at big risk of getting FEELINGS for them. because of the INTIMACY.

i hate how wimmin dont think SEX is INTIMATE. god damn fooking SAVAGES.

well at least got under in calories today.

would LUV some MJ hahahaha.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=small%20talk%20for%20socially%20awkward%20people

i dont HATE small talk. i totally understand the idea of and why small talk is important. i would like to be able to DO small talk! any stupid autist who says small talk is retarded…..well thats a very immature and stupid thing to say. small talk is the basis of everything. big talk. relationships. success. friends. luvers. showing that you have charisma and confidence and that you are a smart cool charming person and worth hanging out with. or you can faily miserably and show what a boring, awkward, desperate, pathetic omega neet virgin you are hahahahahaha. this is all accomplished on the battlefield of small talk. small talk is ridiculously important and big hahahaha. i totally get that.

so yeah i luv the idea of small talk. i hate trying to do it and failing at something so important.

well this job will def be another big step in getting over that woman. makes it more and more distant. but damn i wish i hadnt been so pathetic and stupid and Creepy. wish id been stronger and cooler and not so desperate and needy and clingy.

so apparently you cant just walk into a store and buy MJ in california nao.

i guess i could tell people that i am interested in Relships and read Relship Advice stories a lot. because I honestly DO! this is kinda weird but its prob my most normie interest. i mean, cant talk to people about WN1488, Alt Right, or Black Metal. talking about RELSHIPS sounds completely reasonable and normie next to all that. and I could work in some spin on how casual secs is degenerate and sinful and disgusting.

women can be awkward and it doesnt hurt them, they can still gets jobs and relships. men and women are probably about equally socially awkward, but theres DISPARATE IMPACT on the men.

anyway. re that woman. yeah now that i think about it, a series of long conversations probably wouldnt have done much good. what WOULD have done some good is me making a BRIEF statement EARLY, like: yep i’m starting to act weird and want to hang out all the time becuase i’m starting to get feelings for you. This is getting hard for me to deal with and I don’t mean to Ghost you, but just do me a solid and give me some time and space, because I dont think you feel the same way, and I need some space to get over my feelings for you. Sorry. Best Wishes in life. You are a good person and I don’t mean to dump you. But this is hard for me and it needs a lot of effort from me. Think of a time when you got feelings for a guy friend and he didn’t return them. It was challenging, wasn’t it. The end.”

even that’s a little too long. and then if she did have feelings, she could respond to that. hahahahaha. so yeah. clearly she thought i was the entitled nice guy and was dreading the dreadful conversation where i tried to BEG her to be with me and tell her why she was WRONG when she said she didnt want me. and she didnt want to put up with that.

i mean i was already BEGGING her to respond. why wouldnt i BEG her to reconsider or change her mind or pleeeeease luvvvvv me back. the torture of hours of me begging.

yeah well i didnt even get a chance. thats the point. maybe i would have been mature about it. but desperate luv compromises your maturity. shit.

but yeah. i coulda and SHOULD HAVE finished all this with one SHORT email in december 2014. rip the bandaid off. sorry babe but I like like you. i obv need to get over that because you dont return the feelings. so i have to take a break from this friendship. i dont want to leave you in the lurch so let me know if i can pay an early termination fee or something. reddit said this can hurt for the friend to get friend dumped, so tell me what i can do to make this easier for you. though i promise you its a LOT harder for ME hahahahahahaha because my heart is utterly broken now and I might fall off the wagon and start doing heron again and K myself hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

why would i even LOOK at tinder. its full of sluts who think casual sex is OK. fundamental incompatibility of Core Moral Values.

i want to meet women who think sluts are gross and being a slut is gross. i want to meet women who JUDGE sluts. negatively.

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE JUDGE SLUTS NEGATIVELY. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK SLUTTISHNESS IS OK. DAMN. WHY CANT MORE PEOPLE, ESP WOMEN, JUST THINK ITS AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT GROSS.

and why are these damn sluts such successful ADULTS. good normie ADULTS. good at college, good at career, people dont think theyre WEIRD, they LEARN shit and UNDERSTAND shit and can EXPLAIN shit. really get deep into blooms taxonomy of learning hahahaha. learn something deeply. you dont learn something until you can teach it to someone else. those who can’t do, teach HAHAHAHAHAHA.

some people say, dont do a masters degree unless you’re passionate and absolutely sure about it. dont half ass it, or use it as a stopgap because you dont know what else to do, you will waste too much money for too little return.

i tend to like this school of thought.

but then there the other side, which is like, we all need to pay our dues and do things that are tough and expensive and struggle in the medium term of 4 years or so, so things pay off 5, 10 years later. the day comes where you put away your childish toys, put on your big boy pants, and accept that you have to go to work for a living, and spent 80% of your waking hours doing things you dont really WANT to do, that you arent really PASSIONATE about, so you might as well maximize this by doing something that will pay off in the long run.

well, i had enough trouble going to college in a state of welp, i dont know what to do, but i got good grades in high school and i’m expected to go to college. so just pay your dues, get the extremely expensive piece of paper, and then you’ll be set.

but that was all lies hahahaha. so now the goalposts are moved? and i should go into GRADUATE school with the same mindset?

yeah but its a lot different getting into grad school than getting into undergrad. i did great in high school and got into a good undergrad without really much effort or maturity or planning. i did completely average in undergrad and could not see myself getting into an above average grad school without totally busting my ass in a go-getting, gung-ho, high-energy way that i have NEVER been.

and it doesnt seem WORF IT to pay shitloads of money to go to an average or below-average grad program, just to treat it as College 2.0 for when College is the New High School and Grad School is the new College and i hate the whole scam system anyway!

but in life you gotta SUCK IT UP and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!

and why dont NORMIES have such a god damn internal conflict about it? they just go ahead and work hard and GIT R DONE.

heh. i wish i had a Career Coach ever since I was 16, staying on my ass and saying you need to do this, you need to do that.

now some people, their families do that. the chinee high expectations father. you can become doctor or engineer. get your masters degree or youre out of the family. i didnt have that at all, i was SPOILED.

cuz i didnt WANT to do anything. i needed to be trained with the carrot and the stick. left to my own devices in College, i totally went astray. a strong guiding hand, a foot being put down, that prob would have helped me in the long run. classic first world problems of being first in the fam to go to college hehehe. and of course i didnt appreciate that privilege at all. damn.

if i had to go to college, should have gone to local uni and stayed at home so the fam could have kept me in line, from doing stupid shit like MJ and alcohol.

but i still did MJ and alcohol when i was at home! i just hid it really well. i either would have gotten a DUI much earlier (which prob would have been GOOD), and probably did a bit less MJ, which DEF would have been good. definitely would have seen less of those crazy women doing crazy shit, which would have been good.

i dunno. alternate realities and what ifs and all that. i mean i still went crazy over women when being at home.

but yeah. ive never liked SCHOOL, and ive never liked WORK, and doing EITHER is PULLING TEETH.

See those normies? GOALS.

Goals are important. Goals are A Thing. See what happens when you have goals? You should have goals. Get Goals. Goals. Just Achieve Them.

all of education is fooked up. from grade school to grad school. serious fundamental problems with ALL of it.

heh. there should be homeschool grad school.

but you dont NEED grad school!!!!

well grad school is just perfect for some people! they are total grad school nerds! they clearly belong there!

i couldnt see myself getting in just because i couldnt see myself getting convincing recommendations and statement of intent. uhhh i want to get into grad school because i cant get a 26k FT job with a bachelors degree, so i’m really just treating this as high school 3.0. i fookin hate school but this is the bare minimum for being lower middle class in 2000s.

I would MUCH RATHER Just Work A Job. An Entry Level, 25k a year job, than go to god damn grad school. not that i have a good shot at getting into grad school ANYWAY! I have a better chance at getting the 25k a year job! and weve seen how fooking ridiculously godforsakenly hard THAT is! maybe it IS easier getting into a masters degree at a shitty noname school! MBA at phoenix!

yeah but i dont WANT to do an MBA, i would rather do a masters in relationship and despair counseling. which is an inherently useless degree! catch 22 here. quite the dilemma. and i dont want to be a social worker working with welfare blacks for a contractor with the city of oakland or the city of ferguson or something.

although its funny. today one of my “customers” was a black guy with an mba and I tried to make small talk with him. he was much better at it than me, but i am at least trying to be nice folks, i swear. but i cant talk about sports or anything. i cant tell this black guy that i am a trump supporting hwyte nationalist racist hahahaha. i nervously mentioned my interest in “news and current events”, which is FAIR…..BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE TAKE THAT BAIT and try to get you talking about TRVMP??????

well shit, this guy could actually BE a trump supporter, he seems to be a rather moderate, conservative, white acting, oreo black. almost like he is now overcompensating to not talk like a black, he is very well spoken, great speaking voice. he even made jokes about the HR diversity sensitivity training we had to do about trannies and shit hahahahahaha. i laughed and said yeah I hear ya man. well we didnt talk specifically about trannies. or have a frank conversation on race hahahahahaha.

see i dont hate blacks hahahaha. i just had an awkward conversation with a grad school educated black man hahahaha.

also all these people have experience giving lectures and discussions in front of groups of people. they have done that hundreds of times. there is no possible argument that this is not a GREAT life skill.

i would be dropping the spaghetti all over the place. oh now im the TEACHER and my STUDENTS are gonna think im an IDIOT. i never wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a teacher even LESS, hahahahaha.

shit i can barely be a STUDENT. I can barely be a 13k a year EMPLOYEE. I cant even be a bare minimum ADULT. hahahahaha. I fooked up on easy mode, cant even deal with NORMIE MODE, hahahahaha.

funny all this goddamn self doubt even though now i am damn WORKING and that is an INFINITE improvement over where i was 2 months ago. why not just be happy about that.

went all in with AA, guy beat me with full house. sheeeeeeit.

heh. wonder what that woman is doing with her life right now. i know she got a job similar to what we were doing. probably making similar or more money, maybe higher up, def lots of hours, def lot more money than me, def making literally TWICE the money I am making. well shell have plenty of money to spend on her black bastard then hahahahahahahahahahahaha wawawawawawawawawawawa im so sad and lonely and want her back and will never get over her, muh perfect waifu hhahahahaha.

yeah i am playing things up a bit. but for a long time thats how bad it was. bad shit. wouldnt wish on worst enemy.

i guess its worse when i am working alongside 20 year old kids and they are all going to college, yup working on muh engin degree or nursing degree or HR degree, and then they graduate and get a 28k a year job, while you remain at the kid student job. at least here i dont have any young kids beside me being a constant reminder of what an old failure i am hahahahahahaha.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT

jan 3 2017

first day back to little boy virgin job hahahaha. well, its INFINITELY better than not working. INFINITELY. LITERALLY.

also stopped by bakery before job and bought some donuts and pastries and eclairs and danishes and cookies and such. the bakery is well regarded and the sweets were indeed good and they open at 6:30 am. i will try to do this about…..once a month. spent 6 dollars. going every week would be tryhard. hard to do donuts at my last job because there were like 50 people in the office. it was best if you brought in 2 dozen donuts. kind of a big deal.  here, much smaller office. bringing in 6 donuts is more than enough. so its a cheap value added way to Buy Goodwill hahahahahahaha.

went to bed yesterday at 8 pm, i think that was just about right. might even do 730pm today. my body LITERALLY needs 9 hours of sleep a night. thats just how much the world takes out of me hahahaha. on the easiest day. actually it doesnt matter if i have an easy day or a hard day, i still need 9 hours regardless.  i could do a fooking triathalon or sit and neckbeard all day. doesnt matter. 9 hours. of sleep.  kinda weird. already Yawning at 420 pm hehehehe.

was talking to “client/customer” today and he asked me a very direct question about muh education, he was not being rude or even prying, this guy just likes to ask direct questions about things I don’t like to give direct answers to. like he was fishing for opinions about TRVMP and I wanted to appear impartial so I said my standard nonpartisan answer about interesting times, and polarized bla bla, he said he was pretty much pro-trump, i was with my colleague who is unfortunately anti-trump but I try to disregard that because she (naturally, a woman) is also very accomplished and smart and i respect her brain and actually quite like her. it would of course be better if she were pro trump. she doesn’t know im pro trump and i dont really want to let ANYBODY know hahahaha. keep my cover.

well i can just say i am a Political Moderate and Honestly Guys I Am A Centrist and don’t go in for real Leftist Stuff, however I don’t think we’ve had a good Republican Candidate since……..i dunno reagan. I would be a total Reagan Democrat guys.

when this is total BS, I am a Far Right Hwyte Nationalist and cant wait for TRVMP to build a 1488 foot high wall and deport all illegals immediately. its january 3rd, why are there still illegals and blacks? hahahaha. I want to travel to far-right meetups in my free time and do Roman Salutes hahaha.

of COURSHE you dont talk about THOSE things, and of course you soften it and say i’m a moderate, im a centrist, and be thankful i’m in a place where Centrists won’t get frowned upon as being Too Far Right!!!!!!

ANYWAY the direct guy hit me with that question, well regarding the Super High Prestige University I went to, and my one coworker was right there, and they probably didnt know about this, and im like, great, if i say i went to this prestigious middle class uni, then i look like i’m a HUGE LOSER because im making 13k a year here instead of being a fooking grad degree executive manager making 100k a year like everyone else in muh uni class hahahahaha. i am 9 times less successful than the people i went to school with.

but the guy i was talking to was very sympathetic, he wasn’t trying to be mean, and in fact, so will most people. most people arent looking for ways to attack me, they just like asking direct questions, which is something i DONT like doing to people, but i need to get better at it. anyway i spilled the spaghetti and stammered like a retarded subhuman hahaha.

but anyway i brought donuts and yeah people here like to stay in shape and aren’t huge fatasses believe it or not. these people with their masters degrees, they tend to be in better shape hahahaha. they watch what they eat, and go to the gym, and maintain a Normal Healthy Weight even into their 40s hahahaha. youhave to be really SMART to do this apparently. no you really DONT.

so i ate 2 of the ridiculous donuts. i mean there is some rich custard shit in there.

but overall i felt more confidence as the day went on, it was not severely damaged by that moment, and i dont think it SHOULD be.

but yeah its why i would not be a good salesman. because i dont make an electrifying first impression. it takes me a few weeks hahahaha. and many people dont have that LUXURY of TIME and MONEY to give you a few WEEKS to prove you arent an idiot.

but here they arent judging me like that! they werent even really judging me like that at the old place either.

QUOTE

Just talk to him. Unfortunately this is how my relationship ended. I became clingy, not because it’s my nature, but because a previous relationship crafted me to be. I became an insecure idiot and the whole situation brought on anxiety that I didn’t want.
Perhaps he has anxiety? Who knows.
One thing I wouldn’t recommend is texting him saying “Hey, I think we need space” or “We need a break”. I mean you can, but be prepared for a barrage of text messages. If he truly has relationship anxiety, then everything is out of good intentions, but it will overwhelm you and just cause the whole situation to spiral the hell out of control.
My advice. If he’s harmless and has no anger issues. Just TALK to him. Tell him it’s bugging you. Tell him you like your space, that it’s not personal and that you’re not breaking up with him, just that a human being needs time to themselves, that’s all. Sit down and have a talk. See if he really has anxiety because it sounds like he does. Assess that situation and then go from there. See if it’s something that you want to deal with.
People with anxiety don’t text you all the time because they’re clingy, it’s because you don’t reply (granted it can only be like 30 min) and they feel like they said something wrong. The constant need to be around you isn’t a lack of trust or anything either, it’s his need of wanting to know you’re still there. It’s a weird thing and most people hate it, but you need to talk to him, in person, about EVERYTHING before it gets worse for the both of you.
If he continues to act the same way after that, then ask for a break since he’s not willing to change.

END

good point reddit

well you can also be anxious that somebody will leave you for any moment without warning and do a 180 and leave you in the lurch hahahaha.

how about you just dump him by ghosting. that would solve your problem real quick.  show that creepy abuser evil person how evil, creepy, and abusive he is, maybe he can K himself, he really SHOULD!!!!! for being such a horrible person!

hehehe i pretty much had this situation. looks like i was a bona fide creep then hahaha. i still had to finish 1 year of college though. and she had to finish 1 more year of high school. and she had been with like 10 guys and had many bf’s, and i had been ith 0 gurls and had 0 gf’s.

she was secsually WAY more mature than i was, and relationship wise. she had slutted it up with many guys, and also had several monog LTRs. certainly experienced more of Life than I had.

i was pretty immature, i was only marginally more “mature” than she was.

and i never tried to manipulate or control or groom or control or isolate or abuse or bully her, and she lost interest in me and dumped me hahhahahaha.  no i didnt isolate and control her and then end up cheating on her hahahaha. she would have had to have hung out with me a lot more and use have much moar secs and be officially dating for me even to have a chance at manipulating her, hahahahahaha. not that i would.

hmmm 2300 calories today, almost 1000 over. unbelievable. not doing too good this year hahahaha. well, better to be working than to be losing weight i guess, so if gaining weight is the price i pay for Working, then i guess its worth it hahaha. not like i am banging any beotches anyway.

hey dont scold me, they’re the ones who bang on the first date. i think its fooking disgusting. but its what they want. what they like. i dont like it. i would prefer not to do it. but youhave to COMPROMISE in order to have relships, casual or not.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO COMPROMISE DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO LIKE IT.

of COURSE ill do it. i havent had secs in 12 years, so if a gurl offers it, i’ll do it, because it might be ANOTHER 12 years before i get another chance. but it doesnt mean i cant resent her for giving it up too fast and not being an ideal pure waifu who waits 3 months before secs! treats the life creation process with the respect it deserves, and treat human life and the process that creates it with the utmost DIGNITY!!!!!

kinda stupid that btc keeps rising. and rising. shit im GLAD i got all out before this hahahaha. i dont TRUST somethign this unstable hahahaha.

jan 4

yep all ready to go here just killing time, reading email. went to bed early, but woke up at like 1:30 am and was awake for liek 80 minutes with stuffy nose, congestion, some worrying, tossing and turning, Thirsty (wanting water to drink.)

trying not to worry about constantly proving myself and impressing people. but in life you DO need to impress peopel. you dont get second chances. sure not with women! yeah well they gave me one chance with the interview for this job and that was good enough for them.

well you know my degree might have been worthless but it was actually related to my “passion” of helping neets with despair, anxiety, and relships. well ok thats like 4 careers there. gotta pick one. was thinking i would prob lean towards relships at this point. become a relship counselor.

trying to come up with believable excuses why i didnt get a masters degree like everyone else hahahaha. because i felt it was too expensive, not worth the ROI, and also i didn’t network too well in uni.

cuz if i say i was immature, and i was, well didnt I GET more mature in the next 10 years? NOT REALLY!!!! well why not?? because i couldnt get and keep a bigboy job hahahaha.

jan 4

1132 bitcoin? ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME? i remember when it was 900 not 2 weeks ago.

so my main issue by far is having conversations with people without flipping out. not panicking, but always being slightly anxious about everything i say sounding stupid or wrong, even if its just small talk about families or something. even though i know these are nice people who want to be nice to me. so i disappoint them by not coming out of muh “shell.” and i want to come out of the shell but just having a hard time. so i try to show good will by smiling and forcing myself to talk even though it sounds AWKWARD and STUPID. I know there are worse things in life than feeling awkward. i have felt awkward nonstop for like the past 20 years hahahaha. its not a huge deal, its not near as bad as despair, which is not nearly as bad as dread/panic/fear/worry/anxiety.

DAB? in swearing in ceremony with paul ryan? wtf is dabbing? i thought it was VAPING MJ. Thats the only dabbing if ever heard of. wax or shatters or hash oil or really concentrated thc juice that you get blazed off one puff of the vaporizer. shit i dunno. i dont do that shit either. here i thought the kid was smoking drugs while his father was getting sworn into congress.

no turns out its just some negro dance move.

had 15 mL half dose of nyquil at around 3pm. will have some dayquil right before bed so i dont wake up in the damn middle of the night.

welp only managed to do 180 calories over today ehehehehe.

was in the office today and this younger rather attractive woman from related department was in. I noticed her immediately when i first saw her shortly after i first started. learned she was married and had at least one young child. well good for her. but she is def younger than me and def still very attractive hehehehehe. i wanted to learn more about her job and resume hahaha. today i learn she has an MBA hahahaha. prob not the kind of MBA you get from a top 10 business school, but the kind you get from phoenix hehehehehehe. still you can get a good middle class career job with that though.

basically life for everyone is HARD. on HARD MODE. you have to be TOUGH. i was pretty much SPOILED and had life put on EASY MODE for me. and i STILL fooked it up. and so now facing the real hard world, it seems even HARDER for me than it does for normies! I’m going into hard mode having grown up on easy mode!

but yeah i havent been in a position lately where i have to try to Justify, Argue, Defend, and Explain why i did not get a Graduate Degree. Because I’m Lazy. Because I’m Crazy! and you can’t say this kind of shit to coworkers or customers because that makes you look incompetent, stupid, etc. so, you just say….i didnt want to. cuz i didnt really WANT to. i’m allowed to say i didnt WANT to! cuz i didnt really want to. i just felt pressure and expectations like i was SUPPOSED to. similar to how i am feeling now. but those pressures aren’t necessarily all real, just me thinking what other people think!

i mean i cant just say its not worth it without showing myself as character flawed. if there daughter who is 9 years younger than me can get a masters degree right after undergrad and then quickly move from 70k job to 70k job with a masters degree, so can anyone, including me. i just wasnt willing to work hard enough!

GREAT GAME here, this guy is out with his GF and points to another girl and says t the gf, “see that gurl? GOALS.”  implying that gf needs to lose weight hahahaha.

SEE THAT GURL? GOALS.

omg that is the most alpha thing ever said. that gf is bending over and getting fooked hard tonight!

me with anybody and we see a successful middle class normie with a masters degree and they say to me, see that normie? GOALS. as if I never had goals.

well i really didnt tho hahahaha. i never wanted to WORK.

yeah well im going to WORK now hahahaha. i dont plan on missing a day ever. i get there early every day and leave late every day. i answer email after muh shift. i sometimes do work after muh shift from home. i have a pot of coffee almost all made by my official start time. i bought a tub of coffee. i bought some fancy pastries from a fancy bakery. i wear dress shoes and try to dress like a business casual normie. I try to write good emails hahahaha.

Furthermore, I am worried that someone who is so comfortable around guys to sleep with them on the first date cannot be trusted while we try to move our relationship forward.

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THANK YOU. this is what all the women who defend this shit sluttiness always fail to notice. if its SO EASY for her to do such a BIG thing with a total stranger, what other big things will be so easy for her to do? things that may hurt you or break your heart?

WHY IS SEX NOT A BIG DEAL FOR WOMEN??????

Apart from the fact that they can get preggers…..i mean….all the naked genitals! doesnt this SEEM like an intimate activity? did it ever OCCUR to them to feel HESITANT about this? yeah, when they were a virgin at age 14 or whatever.

GOALS.

hey im not even interested in meeting new women. (well, kinda i am hahaha. ) but im not serious about actually DOING it. im just trying to survive ONE DAY AT A TIME. also im not even worthy of being in a rel because IM NOT AN ADULT. IM TERRIBLE AT ADULTING. I AM A CHILD WHO CANT EVEN HANDLE WORKING 40 HOURS A WEEK hahahaha. THIS IS THE BARE MINIMUM OF NORMIE MATURE ADULTHOOD.

 

HUHWHYTE FEVER, HUHWHYTE FEVER, WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT

dec 22

what is SO IMPORTANT to you means NOTHING to them.

you feel close to them because you text them every day and they respond. big fookin deal. they spend all day texting 900000000000000 guys a day every day. nothing special there.

so you fooked them and now youre getting feelings and want to spend moar time with them. nothing special there, she’s fooked 90000000 guys and it means nothing, its just fooking, just secs.

so youve known her for years and you think thats special, big deal, she’s known a LOT of people for years, you’re nothing special.

but yeah. she was the ONLY person I texted almost every day. i had no desire to text anyone else every day. now i didnt text her 90000000 times a day, but just a couple times a day, and took some days off if i felt she was getting overwhelmed. and 90% of the time, she responded to me like she WASNT getting irritated or overwhelmed. So we continued texting on 80% of days. and that meant something to me because i didnt do that with ANYONE else. And I havent done that with anyone else since things ended with her.

so for you, the texting every day relationship might feel special, but for them, its no big deal, its something they can just throw away.

saw a 45 to 50 year old woman in the office next to mine and i was like hmmm damn look what she’s wearing, she has got quite the body on her for an older woman. i think i would definitely enjoy banging her hahahaha. stalk her briefly on the internet and find she is 51 years old. thats a first hahahaha. well, she looks very good for that age! seriously!

no, i dont have a THING for “MILFS.” shit yes i do prefer younger women to older women. but its just rare that you see an older woman with a good body. most women become fat and or blown out in general hehehehe.

but yeah. i just hate how every experience with a woman that was so important and meaningful to ME, was not important at all to them. everything is casual. casual secs, casual rels, casual lives, casual deaths, casual murder, casual people, casual friends, casual family, casual lovers, casual husbandos, casual children. doesnt anything mean anything to them? yep the big tuff alpha negatives they fall in luv with and would sell out their family and children for.

that feel when you jerk off thinking about banging a 50 year old woman. feels weird man hahahahaha.

hey this is probably the best way you can have purely recreational, casual secs, by banging a woman who is not fertile.

sheeeeit. i find that my writing is not as good as I want it to be. I think its mainly a matter of just being rusty, because i dont write Business Communications every day, well, i hadn’t been. so switching to the intentionally shitty writing i do every day here, well, intentionally lazy low effort I should say, to the high effort, concise, smart sounding writing I have to do when writing emails to people with masters degrees and phd’s, i mean thats a challenge. which i should not give up on.

for example the email I was suggested to write to some software users 2 weeks ago, eventually made it to the CIO, phd of the organization, as he recommends a pilot program for some staff. so the new guy with really rusty writing is trying to craft an email to experienced people, and it eventually gets to a phd who has been in a highass higher up position for 10 years. who has the power to tell my manager, himself an accomplished, educated, impressive professional, wtf were you thinking hiring this idiot who cant even write a coherent sentence. does he have emotional problems? was he out of a job for 15 months or some shit? is he a 35 year old neet virgin? he sure writes like one! hahahahaha.

see, another RAFT of DISTORTIONS. illogical thinking. i think people can TELL shit about me, when they really CANT. i think they are sitting here putting me under a microscope and judging me, when tbh they dont have the TIME.

well, some of them DO have the TIME. but they’d rather be flirting understandably, with the hawt milf admin assistants hahahahaha and banging a 45 year old womans tits in the storage closet hahahahahahhahahaha. maybe looking at webcam gurls from their work computerz hahahaha.

no the people in my org are on average really good people. i’ve been AMAZED at all the nice, decent, good, friendly, outgoing, genuinely good, non-sneaky people i’ve met here. the place seems to attract good people. big part of why i would luv a FT Career Job there.

even the higher ups are nice. maybe they do sleazy things in their office but they are nice to me and thats all i really care about when i am on the job. i mean i am just trying to survive one day at a time hahahaha. not that that is NEARLY as hard and grueling as it was at muh previous job. i mean theres an actual risk of me sitting there BORED with NOTHING TO DO. I cant even COMPREHEND this. that gives me a new sense of weirdness and anxiety. but its much much much better than the anxiety of answering phones all day and oh god i dont know what to do or what to say or how im gonna get out of this mess!!!! and muh relship with one of muh closest friends is going down in flames and shes sitting right there handling this shit just fine and not talking to me!

so yeah i will take care not to fall in luv with any of the women at muh new job hehehehe. probably should try not to bang the 50 year old woman in the supply closet hahahahahaha. but shit. you cant fall in LUV with a 50 year old woman, i dont care WHO you are.

but yeah like i say, i already have years of experience in this org, its a large 600+ employee org and i guess the culture is just really good, i like it, wouldnt LUV getting a FT career here until I am 65 hahahaha. i have worked in 2 departments here and interacted with people from even more departments and they are always nice and friendly and good decent good faith people. all the managers and supervisors have been decent non-scamming, straight shooting, respectable, accountable people. i appreciate that.

i never should have left 3 years ago. i got along with That Woman so well, we started talking naturally about jobs, she found a place that was hiring a bunch of people, we both got in, over the long term she toughed it out, and i gave up hehehehe. no i dont BLAME her for getting me that job…..im just saying if i never met her, i never would have gotten the job, and i never would have left the job i didnt really want to leave. but i NEEDED to leave it. at the time i felt it was a sign from GOD that he put my lovely friend in my life to help me break out of my Comfort Zone. hehehehehe.

so yeah i dont BLAME her for any of that. but i do regret taking that job and i do regret meeting her. but i dont hate her or blame her. just saying she was a net negative for me hahahaha. great highs but even greater lows. it was just a sad sad sad situation and i really didnt need that. but it wasnt her FAULT. she didnt do it intentionally. it was just a perfect shitstorm. when you are a lonely old man and you get along so well with a Lovely Young Woman. its a greek tragedy waiting to happen. and boy did it ever. holy shit. i did not respond to that challenge well.

so i work with nothing but very educated, very nice, very experienced, very professional people. its RIDICULOUS. these degrees these people have, I dont even know what they are. EdS degree. good lord. like this woman who essentially works next to me all day. when i think about her career and education and accomplishments I get damn INTIMIDATED!  yeah i talk mad shit about career women with their masters degrees, but this woman is honestly SMART AF! not like the chattering “flibbertigibbets” uncle bern talks about where he rightfully wonders, how do these idiots have graduate degrees. not so with the people i work with. like this WOMAN. I am kinda glad to meet a WOMAN like this. it proves to me on a daily basis that women actually CAN be smart and mature and reasonable and rational and logical and smart.

anyway i didnt want to pry but i gently got her talking about her family, because i am always interested in peoples personal lives, unlike uncle bern hahahaha. i will gossip about people’s families and wives and children all day. so turns out her daughter, who is probably 8 to 10 years younger than me, is making over 70 grand a year in a very in-demand field. she will never have a problem finding a very good paying job anywhere in the world. she went to a very selective, very well regarded university, albeit a very expensive private one, i guess taking on a decent amount of debt because this is prob the most expensive college in the state. but her gamble paid off because now she is making 70k a year at age 23, 24, 25. real high achiever. started a competitive, accelerated masters degree program within weeks of graduating undergrad. had masters degree less than a year later. had job offers before finishing that. was making fooktons more money at age 22,23 than i ever will in my whole life……and i went to a selective, competitive undergrad univ too! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she got married around the age of 25 too! not riding the cok carousel too much despite being a very successful very young career woman!

so i said wow, good for her, she played her cards very well, you should be proud of her. i didn’t harp on how i was such a loser who could have been a contender. i tried to sound intelligent talking about colleges and grad schools and companies and industries and trends hehehehe. tried to talk like somebody who coulda been a grad school contender.

i mean i HATE grad school but the way this womans daughter did it, i am in favor of that: in demand fields, competitive programs, etc. exactly the type of shit I could never get into….but could have i hadn’t royally screwed up by being a fookin basket case in Uni. Peaked in high school, crashed and burned in Uni. This is what happens folks. but if you don’t crash, you can KEEP peaking past uni, past grad school, and peak in your damn 40s or 50s when you move from being a damn executive, to starting your own company and being the CEO President and hiring people from harvard to be your executives. which is the path this young woman is on. which i could have been on.

but, right now, I just dont want what I can get. and with good reason IMHO. paying 50 grand for a shit tier MBA-like degree that has a 50% chance of getting a 40k a year job……or if you are an underachiever without great social skills or high confidence or high energy or a great attitude or a great work ethic………. it wont get you anything.

and i see whcih of those groups i fall into and im like FOOK THIS SHIT, this is a losing bet for me, 50 grand saved is 50 grand earned, especially then the bet isnt gonna bring anything back for me over the long term.

so if i can make as much money without a masters degree as with one, then i might as well start trying to make that money right. hehehehe. and that has been a struggle of course. to make more than high school graduate money hehehe.

shit i mean if the people i work with NOW, PUSHED me to do a masters degree, they might be able to convince me. i mean i’m not ruling it out entirely. i never have. i am just skeptical as FOOK. you have to make a REALLY good argument to me. and really ive never been in the position to have people make that argument to me, until NOW.

theres this one woman at the new job who is super duper ridiculously nice to me……and that is exactly the type of thing i should try to take advantage of. she may want the D hahahaha. she is like 55 years old and not really a bangable 55 hahahaha, but she is not obese and not really ugly, and I KNOW she was prob a solid 8/10 when she was 25 hahahahahahaha.  anyway yeah i should get HER to write me a letter of recommendation, get HER to be a reference, buy HER lunches and dinners, anyway she says I am VERY SMART and she’s got a masters degree from a Good, Well-Known School hehehehe. which i will not name because doxing. but people have HEARD of this school.

so yeah when someone with a masterz degree from stanford says I Am Very Smart, I Blush with Pride hahahaha, i dont even care if they have a Schoolgirl Crush on me. I will TAKE that compliment hahaha. no they didn’t go to STANFORD, the place was a little worse than that hahahaha.

I SWEAR IM NOT AN IDIOT……..OR AM I??????? hehehehe. The way to muh heart is to reassure me that I am SMART. cuz I HATE feeling like a 101 IQ moron.

anyway she has a daughter who is probably a successful professional as well. who is probably AROUND my age, maybe a little younger hahahaha. working with people who have children who are a little younger than you, and WAY more successful than you, hahahaha. weird feel man.

i mean yeah at this point i will TAKE peoples patronizing pity. its better than NOTHING hahahahahahahaha.

and they are really not too patronizing or pitiful about it, they seem genuinely NICE! and i appreciate niceness. I try to BE that nice.

i just dont want to be too LAZY and too AFRAID to take action to pay it forward, like to buy people lunch and be outgoing and giving and talk to people. because this is a great OPPORTUNITY and i dont want to BLOW it. i have a habit of BLOWING OPPORTUNITIES. and giving up when the going gets tough. and here the going wont be getting too tough thank GOD.

and sometimes it seems UNFAIR that really this job is SO EASY and so low stress, while there are people out there getting fookin thrown the wolves. so i gotta approach that by being thankful and by paying it back/forward/whatever, by being a Really Nice Guy and SHOWING that to people, and not being too AFRAID to actually do that. bring in fookin donuts every day. do favors for people. buy fookin top shelf coffee and keurigs. buy gifts for people.

dec 23

this fookin guy just followed me on youtube who says he is alt left, and his ideal is white male asian female pairings. i guess he’s a white guy who believes the perfect race should be bred by white men with asian women. and he is NOT joking. WOW. I mean WMAF specifically grinds muh gears, I am VERY anti-yellow-fever. I only have HUHWHYTE FEVER. song parody of bee gees song hahahaha.

he has paired up with robert stark who i used to listen to regularly in 2012, 2013, then he disappeared, then he came back. he was never blatantly alt right but also had really interesting guests and is truly a Fair and Balanced journalist. he has WNs and Alt Right people on and doesnt judge them and i think he is probably redpilled on JQ. but i want him to have more of a personal opinion hehehe. he also sorta nnnnnnnoticed me sempai on my previous blog, so that HAD to be around 2012 or 13 at the latest. i mean he’s been around for a while and does quality work. but his new cohost is this weirdass asian lover, and i dont like that hahahaha. its not even strictly degenerate, its fookin WEIRD and disturbing and IMHO, Race Treason. but i will forgive a guy if he repents!

day before xmas eve. went to supermarket and it was the most packed i had ever seen it. had to buy some containers or boxes to wrap small presents in. also wanted to buy some fancy coffee to reward myself hahahaha. bought some sumatra organic coffee. i buy organic coffee to treat muhself. it is pretty good. not sure if as overwhelminingly good as I hoped, but its good.

last night felt the urge to crack open “THE CULTURE OF CRITIQUE” by stefan molyneux HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and give it another try. it is a ridiculously dense book and honestly kind of dry unfortunately. its not a ripping page turner like you would want. there really should be a CoC for Dummies. i mean it takes a lot of effort and agency to read 1 page even. but its an IMPORTANT book, everyone should have a copy, and you should buy 20 copies for xmas and give it to your friends and family. should be required reading in all schools. you dont need to read it all at once. just have it in your house so when you want to read it, its there for you. buy copies to give to all the area libraries.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/muh-top-tier-topkek-poasts/

added this new link to sidebar, decided I needed to have a page of all my better poasts, the top 5% or so. that when i go back and reread it i say, yep, thats one of the better ones. this is where i will collect them. is was yesterdays post that was a good one and made me say, hmm, i have to start organizing these for the readers hehehehe. or at least for myself hahaahaha.

went to social game yesterday and the suburban tavern was PACKED with more young qt gurls than i have seen in years. i think it was The Middle Class Gurls are Home From College for the Holidays. see, some of the cutest gurls Go Away to College and start riding the cock carousel, and i never see them, because they are segregated away in the college towns, and i def do not live in a college town! i used to when i went to college in a college town, and i can ASSURE you, there was a RIDICULOUS number of qt young gurls there, because they are taken OUT OF the Real World and put in these damn colleges to be sluts, and that is DEPLORABLE. They SHOULD be in the Real World. because these are REAL WOMEN, and it also PROVES the feminists and marxists are jooish liars when they say men have unrealistic standards of beauty for women. BELIEVE ME. there was like 10 girls in this tavern who surpassed unrealistic standards for female beauty then. i mean an 8/10 qualifies as Drop Dead Gorgeous. I mean these women are SO ATTRACTIVE i don’t even really WANT them. I just laugh and say, no im not missing out on anything, those women are SO above my league I know I dont even have a chance. And I am not bitter or butthurt about it. but i am kinda butthurt about not seizing the opportunity when I was that age and going to college in a college town FILLLLLLLLLLLED with young BEAUTIFUL girls!!!! hell NO i never even STARTED getting it out of muh system!

i am actually MORE interested in the young women who Arent Perfect Beauties, who have something Off about them. That Woman would be a good example. Compared to these Topkek Beauties, she was more of an Ugly Duckling, but that was MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH for me.

but yeah. you want to see “unattainable” beauty? just go to any large college town and look at all those beautiful 18-21 year old girls! you will find THOUSANDS of them in every state in the union! it’s not a hollywood and new york only thing! you will find THOUSANDS of them at University of KANSAS!!!!!!!!! I DARE you to even TRY to prove me wrong.

and this is mother nature making even AVERAGE women ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS at this time in their lives. 18-21. so they can pull a great man and start having many healthy children with him. instead they go to college to ride the cock carousel, get indoctrinated, and prepare for a life of career worship, cats, and moar cock carousel. DEPLORABLE.

basically there are SHITLOADS of BEAUTIFUL young women out there, which actually makes me optimistic, in that if ANY of these women were hanging out with me, showing interest in me, and being loyal to me, and wanted to be muh gf basically, i would FORGET THAT WOMAN EVER EXISTED. there are MANY women out there who could REPLACE and ERASE her PERMANENTLY and make me forget I ever knew her. that are BETTER than her in EVERY way. there are TONS of possible women in Suburban Trvmp Country USA who would wipe the floor with That Woman.

Just go to a Tavern in a Middle Class Whitish Neighborhood on Xmas Break.

and before you had Jooniversities, these women would just be remaining in their hometowns where they belong instead of being physically removed, turned into sluts, then moving to cities to be even bigger sluts.

of course, i mean these girls were SO qt that i wouldnt CARE if they had been with 20 guys by age 20. well, i WOULD care if I were trying to Date Them. and after banging them, i would inevitably want to date them, and they would inevitably dump me.

just go to a large uni for engineering, do your first 2 years (or more!) at community college, then when you first arrive on campus as a 20 year old junior, go to parties and social events, don’t drink, and try to pick up innocent looking 18 year old freshman gurls. there are still plenty of VIRGIN GURLS out there. find an 18 year old virgin and she will luv you because you are her FURST, and then marry her and give her many children, make lots of money in your stem career, give it to your beautiful large huhwhyte family, and live happily ever after. LITERALLY. and your wife will always luv you and be loyal, because you are her FURST, ideally she would be your FURST too, and she’s DEFINITELY not gonna leave you if you are successful and make good money. live happily ever after. the end. and then your many huhwhyte children grow up to be successful and have large huhwhyte families like you did. can you even IMAGINE a more beautiful thing?

and people actually DO this! this isnt an unrealistic, unreasonable goal like becoming president or becoming a pro sportsball aflete or becoming a rapper.

heh. THAT WOMAN was an 18 or 19 year old virgin when she committed to her original boifran. she was loyal to him and worked to improve the rel when it got rough. she didnt bail out or throw him away. heh. of course then i wished I could have been her First Luv and have her show that loyalty and effort and hard work and luv and commitment and devotion to ME. and kinda jelly of that guy. what a PRIVILEGE to have an 18 year old virgin gurl LUV you and be COMMITTED to you. many of us will never know that feel hehehehehe. the best you will get is some MERCENARY who gives you her body for a MINUTE and you NEVER FORGET IT and she forgets you after a minute. cuz it means nothing to her, and means a lot to you. ya omega neet virgin hehehehe.

good morning huhwhyte america with adam and mary is now taking bitcoin dnations hehehe. shut up and take muh money.jpg hhahahahahaha. they are wholesome and comfy AF. and assholes like varg and sinead would give them shit for being CHRISTCUCKS hahahahahaha. uh oh, then they are jooish shills by definition hahahaha.

 

BEING SENSITIVE IS ALWAYS A NET LOSS

dec 1 2016

had a dream last night about an old friend from my college days that of course we drifted apart, but he was a great guy and i hope he’s doing well. he was both one of the smartest guys i ever met, and also very principled and moral and a good moral person. he was also funny and hilarious and had great social charisma. he was also a very good musician. i had a total mancrush on him and was flattered that he seemed to like me. he had a very great personality and with that personality could probably get any woman he wanted, but physically he was kinda short. he was in great shape though, stayed very active with exercise. i guess he was pretty good at basketball too. well he certainly liked to play it a lot. he was pretty much responsible for introducing me to tom waits. he was fun to drink with and was no square there, but obviously he didnt drink so much that he couldnt be a winner at life. he was going for a phd in cultural marxist frankfurt skool bullshit and i was so impressed by the Brainy Intellectual stuff he read and wrote, that I was so stupid it made no sense to me, all this shit about reifying and rhizomes and deleuze and guattari and lacan and derrida and foucault and badiou and bordieua and baudrillard and adorno and barthes and mcluhan and zizek and all that ((((CRITICAL THEORY)))) stuff.

I had no idea that it was total jooish poison. I’m not sure that he did either!

So, with that perspective, it’s kinda troubling that such a good, solid guy would make his career in something so awful and poisonous. because when you’re young, that shit impresses you because it makes you sound really really really SMART. I actually knew a couple people like this. I had another friend in that same department who was similarly a very nice, charismatic, smart, principled, moral, solid man. they deserve better than this jooish bullshit.

anyway i hope they are both doing well. they are both great guys and I will never forget them. i just dont get the critical theory, cultural marxist, frankfurt school, jooish bullshit.

anyway back to the first guy. he could have had any woman he wanted despite his short stature because his personality was so great. BUT, interestingly, his fashion style was very scrubby, like a damn neet virgin. he could have cleaned up VERY well, but DIDNT. he had long greasy hair and a long wispy “beard”. he probably did not shower enough. this was not from a lack of confidence, but just because he was really that much of a “free spirit artist”, as well as a very smart articulate academic intellectual, as well as having pretty damn good social skills. not an awkward autiste whatsoever, but every bit as high iq as an autist. he just LOOKED like a homeless person hahahahaha. now I think after he finished his phd he started presenting himself better hahahaha. which is good, he was not ugly.

and because he had such a good, strong personality, he could get GFs and had been in several long term monog rels. I don’t think he ever did too much degenerate shit with women. never a “player”, never a womanizer, never open rels, and oh good lord I forgot he was CATHOLIC too!

anyway in the dream he’s like, we gotta watch this movie, it’s great. and I was like great, I like your taste, if you say its good, im sure its good. i mean he did/does have good taste in movies and music and books.

so we started watching this movie that was some 1970s french or italian “art” degeneracy like godard or pasolini. Which I NEVER really liked that kind of artsy fartsy movie, and now I like them even less. because of the jooish degeneracy embodied in them. the opening scene had a bunch of big women with big breasts but also huge erect dicks dancing around like the wild androgynous men/women of borneo. the scene went on for way too long. then the movie went on to tell this artsy, intellectual, elaborate story of how Whites were the Cancer of the Human Race, Whites were evil, whites are all oppressive, horrible natsees, and telling this story in a very artsy, college bourgeois phd sort of way, that you could feel real artsy and intellectually superior.

so my friend asks me what i think and im like oh great, this great guy I admire really likes this antiwhite bullshit, and he’s a brilliant guy, way smarter than me, theres no way i could convince him that whites are great, i mean i cant believe such a smart good awesome guy BELIEVES this bullshit! this could really complicate our Frandship!

And I was like well i dunno, i usually like your taste but I never liked this weird new wave godard pasolini shit, I mean its just too much for me, i mean come on, giant dicks, its just too much for me.

i did not mention the whole antiwhite message. that would be a lot harder to talk about with him.

anyway that was the dream hahahaha.

i never did talk to him about whiteness. but he was a great white man. and he did finish the phd i THINK. im sure he’s still a great guy, i just hope he doesnt spend too much of his career talking about how bad whiteness is.  and white = evil. he got along with nonwhites very well, which i think his family had some nonwhite foster children in their home. now for weev that helped weev become race conscious because the nonwhite children sucked. my friend, i guess his nonwhite foster “siblings” werent so bad. well good for him then hahaha.

i dont want to dox the guy hahaha.

but yeah what would HE say about the alt right, or whiteness? would he be a terrible shitlib saying that anyone who uses the term “cultural marxism” is a crazy, white, racist conspiracy theorist. cultural marxism is not a real thing.

i never read any of his papers. well i think i read a few pages at the time, and it made no sense. i dont remember anything about whiteness. maybe some stuff about signifiers and reification.

so i could easily look up his papers NOW and read them and probably get a sense of what he thinks about whiteness, right?

yeah probably! and im not sure i WANT to !

it was also funny we never really talked about his skoolwork that much, he never talked about it, and he also didnt seem to spend much time on it. he seemed to have PLENTY of free time to hang out, watch movies, go out, be social. i thought phd students were supposed to be chained to their books and work 80+ hours a week!!!!!! but not him!

so was he a bad student? maybe, but its kinda hard to be a “bad student” and get into a All Expenses Paid PhD program at a Very Good Skool. i mean thats how smart he was.

shit i would have liked to hear him teach a class, or do a phd defense especially. i know eventually he started teaching undergrads like most grad students did.

anyway he was/is a great guy, i wish him the best, but i also want him to have white children! he would be a great father of course.  there is a risk that he might marry a nonwhite woman though. although when i knew him, all his GFs were white women.

ok heres whats interesting. some white people go into an Urban Public School full of poor blacks and they become redpilled on race, like yep once i saw the real world, i knew that blacks and whites are very different.

and other whites say i became even MORE committed to education because i saw how precious these poor black children were, they were every bit as smart as anybody else, they just need better resources, opportunities, education, etc, so ive spent my life really trying to help these kids who really really NEED that help.

so which is the truth about race hahahaha.

i have no doubt there are many smart ghetto black kids out there that would benefit from a good education. plenty of little dr ben carsons out there.  but honestly i have no desire, and im honestly not TOUGH ENOUGH, to want to work in a black school to help those kids. i would rather teach white kids. really i dont want to teach kids at all hahahahaha. beyond being a homeschool teacher of my own children, and even there i dont trust my abilities!

but yeah when i was hanging out with somebody i thought was really really cool like that, i sometimes felt insecure and inferior, like im nowhere NEAR that cool, why are they hanging out with ME? once they find out how uncool i am, theyll get bored with me and dump me.

i guess i felt a similar way about women that i liked! that i was “privileged” enough to hang out with a few times!

classic inferiority complex. im not cool enough to be friends with this person. im not cool enough to date this grill.

and the women eventually “proved” it by dumping me, although the men i had mancrushes on, well they were pretty much “faithful” to me though! like i say, they were good solid moral men through and through, and never did me wrong! we just drifted apart due to time and distance.

hehehehe kinda wish i had met him when i was in high school hahaha. not to crap on my high school friends tho hahaha. but i might have had a chance at getting his Sloppy Seconds hahahaha. that was how much of an omega i was, i couldnt even get Sloppy Seconds because my friends couldnt get sloppy seconds either hahahaha.

well i prob could have gotten sloppy seconds from one of my friends who was ok with the ladies, qt ones too……but i was so proud i didnt WANT sloppy seconds from muh friends! or i just thought it was weird and gross. it IS pretty weird and gross!!!!!!!!! plus I wanted a GF, not casual hookup secs. i didnt like SLUTS back then either! i wanted a NICE GURL! i.e., not a slut.

so yeah, i pretty much ALWAYS disliked sluts. very consistent there.

ok thats enough memory lane bullshit. i just wish i were doing more in the present that would make good memories later. but all i got is the failure of the last 3 years, the painful memory of That Woman, etc. nothing really GOOD that i will happily remember. well maybe the good times i had with that woman. but i dont WANT to remember those! i want to have BETTER memories with a BETTER woman!

see i use overthinking as a way to cope with stress and worry. IF I THINK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH, I WILL FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER AND FIX THE PROBLEM. but it never works like that. i never find the answer. i never fix the shit. i just think and think and think and worry and ruminate and overanalyze and write and write and write and write. i order for things to improve, i need to get out and actually DO shit.

the best punishment for sluts is for their fathers to shake their heads and say i am very very very disappointed in you, and you will have to work to regain my approval.

but this assumes sluts HAVE fathers who can BE disappointed in them.

so without that….i think i determined shaving the sluts head bald would be a good punishment.

how about tattoo on their forearm saying “SLUT”? pretty good, but that would be guaranteeing they would never STOP being a slut.

how about a tattoo somewhere nonvisible then?

like i said…..I NEVER liked sluts.

I WILL give a slut a chance, if she’s really willing to repent and reform. of course how do you trust that? i guess look at her repentance. the first slut i was with was a very secs-positive bourgeois jooess, so of course she wasnt ashamed of being a cvm dumpster, she thought it was liberating and empowering.

hehehe there are two kinds of people in the world, racists and nonracists, and never the twain shall meet. i think if all the racists segregated away from the nonracists the world would be a better place. and then of course in the racist side, each race would then segregate.

whites are racist! racism is the worst evil! whites are evil!

once you realize this is what they are really saying, you cant unhear it hahahaha.

there is literally NO BENEFIT to being sensitive. it is WEAK. FRAGILE. NON TOUGH. being TOUGH is ALWAYS good. weak people break down and cant get shit done. and they are miserable because everybody rejects them because they are weak and sensitive. hahaha.

oh but they see the world in a unique way and create great art!

  1. at least half of them DONT, i never created great art
  2. well thats not entirely true, I wrote 2 and a half pretty good songs. long epic songs too haha. and a bunch of decent bukowski ripoff poems. and at least 3 book length blogs. 1 sweet doom level.
  3. art is not that important. its a nice luxury but its not very useful at all. it is not a vital role in society. its nice to have, and its really fun to listen to music from ages 11 to 25 or so, but after that, theres more important things to do, like run society, have children, and music and art does not help with that at all. yeah it adds to a sense of culture but you know what else does? children. government and society and civilization. people inventing shit and building civilizations and employing people and doing work. this takes TOUGH, STRONG people, not SENSITIVE, WEAK people.

plus there is plenty of good art made by Tough, Strong people!

oh but sensitive people Love more deeply.

but this is WORTHLESS unless they find another sensitive person who can APPRECIATE that AND luv them the same way back! Sensitive Luv is just Wasted on Tough, Nonsensitive Normies! they will DUMP you for being too WEAK and NEEDY!!!

and how many sensitives are there? it CANT be more than 25%.

so yeah, ITS NOT WORF IT to be sensitive and weak hahahaha. i wanna trade it in to be tough. so i can LUV people more intensely! that is TOTALLY not worth it! I don’t WANT to luv people so intensely! theres something WRONG with me!

all this sensitivity has made it excruciatingly difficult to live a normie adult life with 26k job and 6.51/10 waifu!

i should see if muh new 13k a year job can send me on a business trip to colorado. or NV, CA, OR, WA, or MA hahahahahahahahahahahaha. every week.

i mean shit theres an idea. why not do job searching in colorado?

because I dont really want to MOVE to colorado, i want to stay near muh family! they are the only family i have! i wouldnt mind visiting colorado for a week or 2 and being ridiculous blazed that whole time, but i dont really want to MOVE ANYWHERE!

and some people are not like this. they dont mind moving anywhere in the world. shit i kinda wish i were more like that. because that is a TOUGHER person. who will leave their family behind to go where the jobs are.

you know you like somebody when you make a MIX tape/cd/stream for them. did anyone ever do that for ME?

well sort of. there were some manly no homo mixes in there where i exchanged Metal Mixes with another Metal Fan who worked at the Music Shop where I took some Guitar Lessons hahahaha. good guy but he was more into death metal, like Early Technical Death Metal with especial liking to Technical Death Metal Bass. I wonder if he was happy about all the new technical death metal that has come out. i cant even. like maybe necrophagist and stuff like that hahaha. i dont know. not my cup of tea.  we both liked bands like nile and cynic and early cryptopsy. naturally he really liked death. i liked their “sound of perseverance” album but never got much further. (although now i am kinda interested in their old stuff, hehehehe.)

well ultimately ive always been more of a black metal guy than a death metal guy, and he could not help me there.

oh shit i wonder what he would say about deathspell omega. that is probably the most technical band i like. and they really are TOO damn technical hahahahaha.  cool it with the nonsense riffs guy. i thought you were black metal hehehehe. technical black metal. i am probably more open to that that technical death metal.

could demilich be called technical death metal? i know they have very cult following.

again, i like stuff thats more Atmospheric and Emotional and Sensitive.

but its funny. i stopped paying attention to metal for like 5 years and those were THE most important years TO pay attention because SO much shit happened. when i came back to metal, it was like a whole new world. 10 generations of evolution had happened and suddenly i was an old man who didnt understand the youth. all within 5 years.

i was out of it from like 2002 or 3 until 2008 or 9?

uhhhhhh yeah between 2002 and 2009 a LOT of shit DID happen in metal hahahaha.

it would have been nice to have been paying attention when the deathspell album “Si Monumentum” came out in like….2004?

well i DO remember when paracletus came out in 2010.

i DO remember when varg got out of prison and came back with “belus” in like 2010.

i remember when the alcest album “ecailles de lune” came out and invented “blackgaze” hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt miss it all.

anyway metal. i dont even like talking about metal with metal fans, because they like different metal bands than me and will try to push some metal bands on me, when im not looking for new metal super actively. there needs to be a come to jesus moment and then ONE BAND will reveal itself to me at the right time, like saor right now.

i am very ok with that, im just grateful to be able to enjoy fresh music at all anymore!

did i mess up muh brain with too much alcohol and MJ when i was young?

YES, PROBABLY!!!!!

i used to be smart in high school! i was great at high school! i peaked in high school, hahahaha.

then 15 years later, you have to tell people, i was smart in high school! I SWEAR!!!!!! I WAS SMART ONCE!!!!! and then these young smartasses roll their eyes. yeah right, old dumb man. then why are you working here at your age. obviously didnt make good decisions with your life.

yikes i get to writing and then it INEVITABLY BECOMES super negative and despairing and horribly derpressing!!!! SO STOP WRITING!!!!!!

just as surely inevitable as the sp1c n1g cycle will guarantee that sp1cs and n1gs will inevitably stuff themselves with fried meat until they become crippled by morbid obesity and require heroic medical care until they gracelessly expire, hahahahahahahaha.

so yeah. theres no benefit to being sensitive, weak, and fragile. these are BAD THINGS!

the TOUGHER you are, the easier time you will have in life, the better you will do in life, the less suffering you will suffer through. the more self respect you will have from being able to achieve a minimum of normieness.

psilocybin decreasing depression and anxiety? ok i’ll buy that hahaha. i would have to take a TINY dose though. i took psilocybin exactly twice in muh life. when i was 20 years old. ykes. the first time was ok. the second time was HORRIBLE and i felt horribly alone and alienated and heartbroken and despairing.  realy more sorrow and emptiness than anxiety. which i guess is actually BETTER than anxiety. that feeling of panic is just horrible. but thats the last time i will ever do mushrooms around a woman i am in luv with who doesnt like me hahaha and would rather be Romantic with other guys in front of me hahahaha.

maybe that is why i am so sensitive to rejection. cuz i did mushrooms WHILE a woman was essentially rejecting me, so it imprinted somehow. really the only way to “fix” that is to do mushrooms while i am with a woman and she is Totally Accepting me. being with me, having tender monog relship secs, cuddling, etc.

i would also do it alone.

i would also be open to doing super duper tiny doses like they did in this medical experiment. though when you “TRIP” they always say dont take too LITTLE, you gotta take enough to actually feel something maannnn.

so i say just take a teensy weensy bit. like taking one puff of MJ. you ever take one puff of MJ and feel it? then you might be a sensitive snowflake like me hahahaha.

so yeah i would be open to that. take such a tiny dose that you could get up in the morning and go to WORK the next day like you can with MJ hahahaha.

HA! this “straight dope” message board looks pretty good

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812509

can you be mistaken about your own romantic luv for a person

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812505

tell me your job search techniques

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=812025

how many females are open to the idea of a scat fetish in a relship hahahahahaha

great quote from that one:::  ”

11-27-2016, 01:42 PM
astro astro is offline
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Join Date: Jul 1999

OK maybe there is a beautiful, kind, loving woman out there who will shit on a plate so you can eat her feces and relish the intimacy this creates for you. You gaze into her gorgeous, endless eyes as you take your fork and carefully nip off some of the warm, fragrant brown turd she has produced for you. You inspect it lovingly and notice how it was formed in convergent layers by her bowel and the little bits and pieces of undigested food woven throughout. No pinworms or other creatures are waving back at you, so reverently you lift the morsel to your nose inhaling deeply and flaring your nostrils to get the full impact. The pungent aroma is overpowering so close and up you are in heaven.

You pass the aromatic brown chunk between your lips and explore it with your tongue rolling it around it your mouth. Firm yet soft you feel it dissolving in your mouth before you gulp it down. You want more and dig in! Seeing you smacking and chewing so lustily with a filmy smear of poo, her poo, coating your lips she gazes beatifically at you and the connection is so real you feel transcendent.

Hope you find your gal.       ”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

hehehehehe nice

well you need to take a few years and get some therapy and fix yourself before you can ever be cured of your virginity, and also you have such deep issues, you will never get a gf, just maybe some casual sexs with crazy sluts, after you do like 5 years of therapy.

 

dump him because his lack of success in his career indicates immaturity and abusiveness and issues and insecurity and that he’s in a bad place and is incapable of being in a relship because he’s not happy with his career and never will be until he gets his masterz degree and gets a sweet office job that he finds SO FUN AND FULFILLING just like you

from this thread:    ”         [–]Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez 2 points 48 minutes ago
Here’s what people usually want when they say they want closure: they want to have the last word in all the major arguments they had with their ex, and they want their ex to listen and say “you’re right, I was wrong,” and mean it. But this is a fantasy. As I’m sure you realize, the conversation wouldn’t go anything like that in real life.       ”

hehehehe nice way of putting that. closure is bullshit. a myth. there is never any closure. you always want the other person back, until you havent seen them in 4 years and then you dont really want them any more. then you see then and you want them again and need a few months just to get over seeing them once hahahahaha.

took a tiny benedryl tablet instead of taking nyquil tonight. felt like one or the other.

i never liked the the write shit but dont send it approach.  i say send that shit. hold them accountable!! they dont get to do EVERYTHING on THEIR terms! They SHOULD see that their actions have consequences on other people!!

damn man that sucks. wanting her back after years because you know the shit is fixable. yeah but maybe she wouldnt want to fix it and would just dump you when you tried to fix it. being WILLING to fix it is just as important as being ABLE to fix it.

oh well just dump the toxic mentally ill abuser and find a better man, people are so upgradable like that.

NOT EVERY WOMAN WILL TREAT YOU LIKE YOU ARE REPLACEABLE, UPGRADABLE, OR DISPOSABLE!!!!!

even if they might like casual sex with a revolving door of replaceable, disposable dicks hahahaha.

dec 2

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/i-dont-want-relationship-okay-0

if you dont want a relship mmkay, then you shouldnt have SECS. SECS shoudl ONLY occur WITHIN a relship. a mongo (hehehe) longterm relship. if you dont want a relship then you should also enter a period of Voluntary Celibacy until you ARE ready and willing to be in a relship. and THEN you can have your damn FUN SECS again hahaha.

fookin sociopath. so focused on their damn career that they dont see the benefit of a serious rel.

ok i am looking fwd to getting haircut today, very soon, and just wanted to record this damn stupid dream i had last night

YES it had THAT WOMAN and in a big way. I recall i was hanging out with her and laying my head on her beautiful soft white stomach and just rambling on about bullshit like music or something, even though i was very very worried about the state of our relship, but was scared to talk about it, so i just talked about anything else. however i felt there was still hope because she was willing to hang out wiht me and let me lay my head on her bare stomach. which is kind of intimate IMHO. never did that in real life hahahaha. couldnt even hang out with her anymore hahaha.

then i left and continued being worried. then i guess she dumped me. i went back to talk to her and she started literally running away. and i began chasing her and she conitnued running. i was running too. i was screaming after her pathetic begging things: please just talk to me! please respond! please lets just talk about this! PLEASE DONT TREAT ME LIKE THIS! i recall saying that exactly.

then i was heartbroken. then i was talking with another female friend i had during college. i was never attracted to or in luv with her. we just got along ok and had mutual respect. she was very smart and very funny. on the downside she was very shitlib (so was everybody) and had issues with Secsual Morality. At heart she was a good person who was mashed into this jooish neurotic somewhat mess because of Kollige and the Middle Class Career World, which her family was firmly in, and unfortunately pressuring her with high expectations.  also she was supremely judgmental and liked to gossip about drama. I am the SAME WAY, but these women were actually a little bit WORSE. they were still good people though. they just needed to cool it with the drama! also she was nonwhite, therefore Im not such a hateful racist that i want to throw all nonwhites in the oven hahahaha.

so in the dream i told her how devastated i was and she wasnt really being THAT comforting, saying, well, if she’s running away from you, she obviously doesnt want to talk to you! so stop trying to talk to her.

but i really really really WANT to talk to her!

well she OBVIOUSLY doesnt WANT to talk!

but thats SO UNFAIR! she doesnt get to throw me away like a piece of garbage without being held accountable for the consequences! you want to get out of this, you have to go through the discomfort of a damn uncomfortable conversation at least!

so i convinced the female friend to go and meet with That Woman and kind of act as my attorney/advocate because That Woman was not allowing me to meet and talk with her.

i was riding in a taxi with the woman friend. i was nervous as shit because this was my last chance to say what i wanted to say, and i had to say it through this other person. i was trying to use Wise Mind and articulate myself as clearly as possible as to what i wanted to say. I remember very clearly saying “I fully accept her decision. I’m not asking her to be with me. sure, in an ideal world i’d like her to be with me, but I fully accept that she’s decided to end the relationship. what i’m asking for is just….i dunno. more recognition of my broken heart. more recognition that our relationship was meaningful and valuable to her. we knew each other for 3 years and i THOUGHT i meant something to her, was valuable to her, made a difference in her life, and we shared what i thought was a great connection and some great memories. i never wanted to hurt her. and i never wanted her to HATE me. it seems like she hates me. what did she think i did? I want to know what she’s thinking and feeling about this, and to tell her what Im thinking and feeling about it. that’s why I just want to meet with her and talk to her, and its so frustrating she’s not willing to do that.”

basically not a big chance from real life here.

i also wanted to show my other female friend (WHOOPS, not supposed to refer to women as “females”, that is a TELLTALE SIGN that you are a huge redpill neet incel entitled niceguy omega virgin nevergf woman hater!!!!! who sees women as some weird alien species and not human beings!!!!) that i was in the right, that i wasnt some kind of creepy stalker controlling abuser manipulator who wanted something unreasonable.

the friend went in and i sat in the taxi very nervously.

after like an hour the friend came out and said that That Woman said she didn’t feel I really CARED ABOUT her as a real person, that I was just trying to MANIPULATE HER INTO SECS. (basically accusing me of being a Niceguytm.) that i had no regard for her feelings and wasnt willing to listen to her.

then i got angry and was like WRONG. thats TOTALLY WRONG. I care about her SO MUCH! I am DEVASTATED! i will be devastated for the next year! it wasnt all about secs! it was about LOVE and having a loving rel! i wanted a HELL OF A LOT MORE than just secs! this is about luv! hearts! relships! sharing lives together! and i care very much for her! i want the best for her! i want to be with her and help her build a happy life! and to share a happy life together! shes got this all WRONG! can i just go in there and talk to her myself! no? goddamn why cant she just let me talk to her???!!?!?! can you go back in there please and tell her what i just told you??

(it was kinda like my job where callers could not speak directly to the level 2’s who knew how to explain bad news, and had to go through ME, who didn’t really understand the shit!)

the friend advocate sighed, like yeah thats not gonna work, but i’ll go back in there one more time for you.

then she did. then she taxi drove away with me in it. we picked up some black thugs and dropped them off at a casino. i was like shit we gotta get back to where we were. i didnt know how to get there from where we now were. i asked the driver if he could go back to the house where we were before. he said sure. he was clearly very foreign and i thought he might be bullshitting, because it didnt look like we were getting any closer. i asked him where he was from and i think he said georgia. like the country of.

so that was about it. it was a very vivid, long, movielike dream. i think the benedryl put me into a deeper sleep and therefore a deeper dream. it was not great. pretty much illustrated what was going on in real life, except now i had an advocate who was willing to talk to her on my behalf, and she was able to confirm that That Woman had a very Wrong opinion on What I Had Done. in real life, i have no idea what she was thinking.

but really, her having the Wrong Idea did not make me any happier, in fact i was just more frustrated, and just wanted to send the advocate back in there to show that I was Right, and She Was Wrong!

see that reddit quote about closure about hahahaha.

so yeah. also the dream was sad because at the beginning i actually DID see her and had an intimate moment with her like i never had in real life. but the moment wasnt intimate for her AT ALL!

hhehehe. if it takes you longer than a year to get over…….then hell yeah it was true love!!!! fook yes you CARED ABOUT them!

so i hate the accusation that you just want SECS when really, you are in LUV with them and CARE about them and want the best for their LIFE!

but no its all about secs secs secs with these women. and not even sacred, holy, loving, babymaking, relationship secs, but they reduce everything down to negro casual sex. its the only thing they understand hahahaha. absolutely disgusting.

ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. I guess i just wanted her to experience some consequences and not be able to avoid them so completely. i sure experienced some damn consequences.

that doesnt mean that i want to inflict pain or punishment on her! more like, i just want her to feel some REMORSE and to reflect on this and learn how to not do this again in the future!

and probably she will learn from it, and treat other guys better, and i will never know, and never experience the Better Kinder More Mature Her!

she was already very kind, i experienced a lot of her general kindness, so i know she was capable of it. it was just a matter of Choking in a High Pressure moment. like i never did that before! like on the job or something.

yeah but with a Relship, I would have at least written an email hahahaha. that doesnt require a lot of effort or courage.

well it DOES involve courage when you actually SEND it. maybe she DID write an email but wasnt courageous enough to click send!

so yeah i did not enjoy that dream hahahaha.

looking at days since spreadsheet because i put haircuts on there….

507 days since i last talked to her… (16.9 months)

473 days since i last emailed/contacted her   (15.77 months)

81 days since last haircut, yeah its time hahaha

389 days since intentionally looking at/using jooish filth pornography

later

got haircut at mens haircut place, good prices

rambled on to older white slavic woman about what i wanted. hard to articulate. finally got to the following clear actionable instructions:

“2 ON TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES”

and hopefully she understood that. i should write that on a flashcard which i bring next time in roughly 10 weeks hahahaha.

i usually get 1 or 2 all around. never this fading or two diff lengths. breaking out of comfort zone. it looks all right. somewhat militaristic and fashy. not bad.

2 ON THE TOP, 1 ON THE SIDES.

just tell them that. short. direct. unfookupable hahaha. these are the kind of instructions i like to receive for muh job. not some vague bullshit that can be interpreted 10 different ways, then you have to go back and ask 10 clarifying questions, and they sigh and eye roll and think youre an idiot even though they gave you these stupid vague instructions that they probably didnt even read or realize how vague they were.

so i should assertively say: i dont like vague instructions. i like clear, concise, unambigious instructions. 2 on the top, 1 on the sides. im not going to waste your time with stupid questions, so dont waste my time with stupid instructions that require stupid questions for clarification.

fooking fookbitch.

so yeah that dream sucked. its faggy as fook to lay your head on a gurls stomach but i like the idea of it.

i dont get it. secs is so cheap for them, they think you want cheap sex, when you want expensive luv, and then they get mad at you (well, NOT you, but niceguys, which we are NOT) when you want something that they consider cheap, which you dont even really want. cuz Cheap Sex is all they understand. when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail hahahahaha.

yeah being a niceguy is bad and shameful but i STILL think women overreact to it. but im still not saying i was a niceguy hahahaha. cuz its bad and i really dont want to be that. but they overreact. they think you are a HORRIBLE person, when you are really just a WEAK, COWARDLY person.

kind of like her. I dont think she is a HORRIBLE person, i think she is generally a good, maybe even GREAT person, she just had a moment of cowardice.

how come women cant give us the same BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT?

yeah well not all women, not all women, not all women hahaha. not even most women would not give you the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i sure would have liked to cuddle with her and touch her white stomach hahahahaha. so it sucks to DREAM about that 16 months later.

like the guy in that reddit. he went on dates with 30+ women and still couldnt stop comparing them to the woman who dumped him, who he couldnt get over, years later. the only thing thats gonna fix this for him is to find a woman who is BETTER. who can make him feel luv again.

that story resonated with me because hes in his 30s and wants to have children and a wife, and he wanted that woman to be his wife, and have children with her, and he can’t see having children with anyone else yet. yep when you get older and want a wife and children, the stakes are even higher than when you are 20 and just fooking like a horny n199er. and not all of us wanted to be degenerates like that!

basically i view women as degen n199ers who cant keep it in their pants, and me as a principled man who is more moral and principled and white and better and seeks a higher morality and understands deeper truths. which isnt entirely wrong, as i believe my principled view of sex is the Better one. and i want a woman who shares that Core Value. hard to find a woman who doesnt treat secs like a horny n1993r tho!

ff12 has good music too, another great game, i never thought this game was underrated hahahaha.

so basically i view women as these alien monsters, who i have a yearning desire and obsession over, who throw cheap sex at everyone but me, who finds sex very very expensive, so i have a combination of deep resentment and deep desire for women. well, young (25 year old, marriage age, fertile) women! I want them so badly, I can’t have them, and they don’t want me.

these are the Big Kahuna of Cognitive Distortions that i need to address.

that and they undervalue something I value so highly, so i imagine them as sinful devils blaspheming my holy morality. like they are literally The Devil. The Enemy of Man. the Adversary. the living embodiment of Sin and Distancing yourself from Truth, Beauty, and Goodness. Women Are EVIL.

when really they are just Complicated PEOPLE, just like you and me hahahahahahaha.

so reddit says read books and watch tv and movies made by women, so you can view women as real people. go read margaret atwood or watch orange is the new black.

yeah but these are all feminists who have to slip in some man hating marxism. so whenever i read a woman doing that…..i dont understand or like women any better, i just dislike them more hahahaha. like you dirty fooking communist traitors.

so the best would be to read like books by a woman i like, like ann coulter hahahahaha.

maybe i should read the new megyn kelly book which she is promoting like crazy and which people are apparently buying like crazy too hahahha.

some feminist on reddit said “men worry that women will laugh at and reject them. women worry that men will raep and K them.”

yeah ok there is a kernel of truth there. but that doesnt mean women should be degenerate slutty n1993rs.

i like this trvmp “thank you” victory tour. he has been very busy since the election and hasnt had a rally in WEEKS, when he used to have a rally every day and give huge rousing speeches every day. it was weird to see him out of the spotlight. basically what he’s been doing is “hiding out” in trvmp tower talking to people and making big decisions of who he wants on his team. whcih is great, but i want him to come out in front of the cameras and 100000000 cheering people and call the media a bunch of disgusting animals and build the wall and drain the swamp and MAGA and make good deals. hopefully he does Rallies when he is prez.

so yeah if you worry men will r and kill you, dont put yourself in situations where you are basically putting yourself out there on a platter for those men, basically saying R me and K me!!!!!!!!!!

doesnt mean any woman DESERVES to be R’d and K’d, it’s just DONT BE STUPID. dont be the kid who jumps into harambe’s paddock. dont put your head in a lions mouth. dont point a loaded gun at your face. dont tease men when you don’t know that man, you dont know that he’s not a dangerous man.

you come SO CLOSE to really knowing a woman as A Human Being, and then she does a total 180 and throws you out of her life in a way that you cant even image doing to another human being.

not all women Would Do That, not even most women Would Do That.

if you’re not sure the best way to dump someone, just pay a Social Worker $50 to do it for you. don’t go out to lunch or dinner for a while. use secs to coerce your FWB’s into paying for your Birth Control, or to just give you the $50 for the shrink. suck off your Boss for $50. cuddle with some omega orbiter for a $50 fee. you know how EASY it is for you to get $50????!!?!?!?!?!

just hold off buying stupid clothes and shoes and purses for a week. small price to pay for saving somebody Thousands of Hours of Suffering.

you and i should probably listen to this song 3 times every day. quite possibly the single most POWERFUL song ever written.

music by dougie maclean who is not the composer of the film score, who is trevor jones, who took the dougie maclean song and integrated it into the score.

heh i think uncle bern should get a wife but i have bought his book as a way of supporting him. i wish i could have bought it from him directly. he is a good, principled man who i have admired for years. apparently he tells some personal anecdotes about his relships with women in this one, so thats worth the price of admission for me.

it was either that or donate to his paypal or patreon. which i still might do.

https://disenchantedscholar.wordpress [dot] com/2016/03/01/the-real-millennial-woes-student-debt-homeless-priced-out-of-parenthood-and-no-pension/

(doesnt have anything to do with the guy MW, a good article and blog nonetheless)

heh. so i took the plunge and joined patreon so i can pledge 1.67$ to millennial woes per month ($20 per year hehe)

and $1 to uncle bern per month. in the past i would have given him moar. i will give him more if he becomes a huhwhyte nationalist or has children hahahahaha. but he does deserve to quit his damn soul crushing school job and become a Content Creator Fulltime.

2 years ago i emailed him and asked him if i could donate to him. he said no thank you i really dont want to do that. i said hey im happy to donate but you do what you want. well hes changed his mind in the past 2 years and i can’t blame him. he produces great stuff and deserves to quit his damn stupid job. and we SHOULD pay him for sacrificing his personal time to make great videos and podcasts. its not a donation, its paying for a valuable service hehehehe. he’s given me hours of education and enjoyment so why SHOULDNT i give him some money. he apparently has begun to understand that concept.  maybe when he quits his job he will reveal that he knows all about the JQ.

i also see it as whites helping whites hahahahah. i wouldnt donate to a nonwhite.

anyway that disgruntled scholar or whatever i linked above points out a very important point that was interestingly enough quoted from a jooish guardian article: that 27 year old millennials in 2016 are bitter and butthurt because they think about their boomer parents when THEY were 27 and how they already had a HOME and CHILDREN. it is very sad to get old enough that you WANT children, and then realize you CANT AFFORD THEM. and that you cant afford to own a home that isnt in a violent nonwhite crime ghetto. and you might not even be able to afford that. buy a home in midtown oakland or gary hahahaha or newark. the ghettoest ghetto of new orleans.

why would you ever want children? then you cant enjoy life experiences and tinder hookups and travel. why would you want to own a home when you cant rent an apt with 10 roomates when youre 30? and those black ghettos are only violent because of a cycle of poverty adn institutional racism created by WHITE PEOPLE. you SHOULD live there so you can reap what you sow. SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS, hahahahahaha.

i thought i was all about that hahaha.

cereal

hehehehe one of the best gifs i have seen in months. if you are in a bad mood watching this could probably still be guaranteed to make you laugh.

cereal-bowl-mouth

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

cereal-bowl-mouth  cereal-bowl-mouth cereal-bowl-mouth

so classic. i bet that man has had 1,488,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more secs and cuddling and making out that i have hahahahahahaha.

ok i should have a smaller version of the moving gif too

cereal cereal cereal

bretty kewl amirite hahahahahahaha

cerealcerealcerealcerealcereal

now is there something actually pornographic about this, or do i think that just because my brain has been thoroughly pornified by jooz?

i wish i could see this, and really the whole world, and WOMEN, through the eyes of an innocent who had never seen the thousands of hours of PORN I have watched. it really warps your damn mind.

i mean i havent watched it seriously in a YEAR and i still feel the effects.

and how many guys have not watched porn in a YEAR. like less than 1% hahahahahaha.

well thats pessimistic. maybe 10% hahaha. NOT ALL MEN WATCH PORN!!!!!!!!

i think he must have some kind of plastic ring in his mouth to be able to hold it open in that weird shape.

oh those stupid WHITE frat boys. these white males are the stupidest jackasses on the planet.

wearing warm Kodiak Heat Socks from walmart, they are warmer than regular socks. but its not super cold out there. it Feels Like 28 degrees, ok thats kinda cold, but not man cold.

well people in fookin williston north dakota probably get their cold weather socks at walmart too hahahaha so i am as getting as good as they are. WALMART.

if you cant get it at walmart, it isnt worth buying hahahahaha.