NEVER TRUST NONNEVERGF NORMIES

nov 1

sheeeeeeeeeeit rejected for the part time city job, 15 an hour, was hopign for this as a kind of baby steps, training wheels, safety net. they had THREE positions open so i thought i had a chance. sent thank you emails to the three people on interview panel. (representing the three departments/positions.) got rejection email today. spent 14 minutes on application, 90 minutes in first test, 30 minutes on second test, 40 minutes on interview, and rejected. damn.

well, they either have promised the jobs to family members, and or they are looking for an older married woman who is looking for part time job AND NOT full time job. because i made a statement like, “a full time position is my #1 priority.” basically saying to them its not my first choice that this job is part time. and you want a candidate who makes you a #1 Priority not an option!

i dunno, i’ll never know.

but yeah thats disappointing. believe me a part time baby steps job would be a BIG DEAL and possible LIFE CHANGER, just for showing that I can HANDLE some kind of Employment without completely losing my mind and running away panicquitting!

its kinda hard convincing someone “its company policy, you cant do that” if the company policy isnt WRITTEN DOWN anywhere, AND there is no good faith attempt at an explanation. you figure there is always some wizard in the back room with 2 years of experience (hehehehe) who knows the Secret Way Around Things. but you have just as much access to this Guru Ninja, as Joe Flabeetz off the Streetz!!!!!!

i was thinking of a stupid case just today, and i should make a GOod Story out of it while its fresh in my mind.

caller is moving to another company location 1 mile away. caller wants to move his client list from location 1 to location 2. he figures thats reasonable. calls, gets me, asks me to do that for him / get that process started. i say ok let me put you on hold for a few minutes while i figure this out. cant find any good articles. ask the people around me because i dont want to get Dinged for going into the Official Advice Chat, because that shows you arent trying hard enough to figure it out on your own, and just want your Hand Held. people around me say you cant do that, cant be done, and continue focusing on their own cases. Really, I say? why not? what should I tell this guy? just tell him it can’t be done. company policy. yeah but why? and couldn’t there possibly be a way to just copy the files manually to a flash drive, then load them into the other office? i mean these are all just FILES, right? why can’t you move a file from one computer to another? I mean yeah I know all the files look like WKDNSUH193734940.ngr and are in 1488 different locations, but…..isnt that what we have tier 2 and 3 for? this has got to be an escalated case right? people around me sigh and say, well, youre getting way too deep, plus theyre gonna say no anyway, that would take way too much time, but if you want to ask for escalation, go ahead, theyre just gonna say no, nothing we can do. and im like WRONG, there IS stuff we can do, but just be straight with me and my caller that it would take to much time and money, I can understand that, he can understand that.

i guess the reason you cant move a client list is so that people can’t “steal” their client information when they leave the company, and use that to start their own business or something.

yeah but this guys not leaving the company! he’s just moving to a different office! a fairly common thing!!!!

so i still dont understand. but for the purposes of my Story that i’m gonna tell the interviewer, i have to make it look like i made sense out of all this.

i think i just said, yeah i checked, this cant be done, i guess its security policy so people can’t easily leave the company with their client lists, sorry, i tried. and he was like ok fine i guess. thats our company for you, always getting in the way with stupid policies.

maybe im asking too much with a minimum of 12 dollars an hour. maybe i should drop it down to 10 dollars an hour. i see more 10 dollar an hour job openings than 12 dollars an hour.

maybe in another year of joblessness hahahahahaha.

anyway a good answer for that guy would be, welp, it would be FASTER and CHEAPER for you to sit there in the first office, print out 2000 pages of paper for all the clients files, and then bring the boxes of printouts to the new office, and manually reenter them into that computer, than it would be to transfer the files from one office to another.

but youre kidding me. i mean i get the security thing if the employee is permanently leaving. but employees transfer offices ALL THE TIME. YOURE TELLING ME that for the 100 employees that are transferred to a different office EVERY DAY, theres NO WAY for them to have access to their old files from the new office? that doesnt even make sense how that would be a policy!

i understand completely. if you’d like to dispute the policy, the best person to speak to is the office manager.

I AM THE OFFICE MANAGER!

I mean, speak to YOUR manager, the district manager.

HE SAID TO CALL YOU!!!!

And I’m saying to call him and say that we can’t fix this. I’m not sure he can fix this, but he sure has a better chance at having more power than me.

well why cant you just trasnfer me to YOUR manager? certainly they have more power than you?

yeah they have too many cases and they dont think this case is worthwhile. sorry.

I want to hear this from them.

OK I’ll request a callback, but can’t give you a time other than to say it will be within the next 72 hours. And I can’t give you the person’s name. it could be any of 20 people.

you have 20 managers?

no, see, the managers don’t know anything. they only know how to MANAGE, and they dont do that very well. I’m having a level 2 person call you. they’re like level 1 people who have been around for 3 years and actually know stuff and can explain stuff. sorta.

i cant make this up folks. i worried that my fam would think i was weird or homosexual because i never talked to gurls, never had a GF, never had female friends, come on fam im 23, 25 years old, dont you think this is WEIRD? dont you worry im a weird pedophile? then i got to 30 with no GF, no female friends, and it was a lot easier hahahaha. it was like yep thats just the way he is. terrible with the ladies. but they never SAID i was weird or that they were disappointed. i thought it was weird that they didnt THINK it was weird, cuz i sure thought it was weird!

shit. might as well listen to that new deathspell omega album. not even excited. not sure i could get excited about a metal album ever again. new darkthrone album was kinda disappointing. what if boortzum made a new metal album? it would prob be disappointing like his last metal album. ok then what about muh boy mikko makes a new album? well see i didnt even really get into his new vapaudenristi album. i would prob get excited about a new stabat mater album hahahahahaha. we are abotu due for one of those.  uhhhh metal. big metal fan. yep.

mgla? yeah thats probably the most excited id get about a new metal album.

nonmetal album? i dunno. leonard cohen comes out with new albums and i dont even care, tom waits could prob come out with a new album and i wouldnt care, cuz i was underwhelmed by his last album like 5 years ago hahahaha. cmon tom.

tom waits net worth is 25 million hahahahaha.

heh. rej email for a 32k job. well, thats way more than 26k hahahaha. but ok well this is the county. i have been interviewed by the county for a….33k job and a 40k job. really would have liked that 40k job. but i get rejected for all the 26k, 28k jobs i apply for with the county. you gotta go to harvard or mit to get a 26k job with the county apparently hahahahaha.

OR JUST NOT HAVE A 15 MONTH GAP hahahahaha is much more like it!

if i ever got a gf i could see it being like this hahahahaha. but at least he cares about dumping her in a good way rather than just Ghosting and Blocking her hahahahaha.

yeah thats the hard thing when things END right in the middle of Your Honeymoon Period, is that it takes much longer to get over, becuase youre always thinking WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF. you never got bored with them, you never got in a rut, you never thought maybe the grass is greener, they were always your perfect angel, never though, welp im bored with this person, they dont CHALLENGE me to be a BETTER PERSON, hahahahaha hahahaha.  or whatever bullshit hahahaha.

well honestly when you are in true honeymoon period, you DO feel like you want to be a better person because of them, the cliche is true!

i guess…..well you know you get that feeling of please just escalate this case, i dont know what im doing, this is above my paygrade, i dont know how to explain this, i just want another person to look at this and at least give them a better reason…..but youre not getting approval to escalate, and you sound like an idiot. in hindsight, the best thing to do would be, plan on staying an extra hour just to work on their case, and be like, i’ll call you back at 630 pm. thats the best i can do. because noone else is willing or able to look at this. and i need like an hour to figure it out. but i dont have an hour because we have calls in queue and i’m already over 20 minutes with your call. so im gonna sacrifice my family time so i can do work for free, for you. so you better tell my manager i deserve a promotion. not some diversity person from outside of the company.

listened to the new DsO. sounded just like the old DsO hahahahahaha. jangly and angular and chaotic and noisy and confusing. it sounds like what my mind felt like trying to do my old job. jumbled and confused and making no sense. anyway nothing new in DsO’s bag of tricks. total emperor has no clothes. they cannot get away with this any longer hahahahaha. just an exercise in wankery. yeah i kinda like crazy blast beats behind semi-clean guitars, yeah i like mikko, yeah they have their own STYLE of weird nonsense music, so you could tell them apart from other “math rock” or “technical” groups………but I guess Im just not super into the technical stuff.

i mean honestly. WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INFLUENCES. thats what i would ask him. probably a lot of jazz hahaha. ornette coleman hahaha.

it sounds just like all their other albums, a pile of noise hahahahahahahahaha. smoke and mirrors. if he was actually down to earth enough to give an interview, people would say, yeah you know youre not as good as you think you are, ya underachieving autist hahahahahaha.  go make some more money at your normiejob and go cuddle with your tradwife hahahaha.

enjoy your beautiful part of france where there are beautiful mountains and forests and small towns and white people and no browns like in godforsaken paris. or calais hahahaha.

fooking k1ke bastards. cant even hire me for a part time job. was it because they can TELL im not a NORMIE? just like WOMEN can tell hahahah.

no thats not true, even THAT WOMAN didnt realize how much of a nonnormie i was! and she didnt Block me because she realized exactly HOW fooked up i was, she just blocked me because she was a coward. for all she knows, im a total normie who dates wimmin hahaha.  i mean this reflects worse on her than it does on me.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=what%20to%20say%20in%20any%20situation

namely, any DIFFICULT/TUFF situation hahahahaha.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/anyone-else-have-a-job-but-no-life-339841/index5.html

heh i should put SAS in the sidebar o links, decent forum. bunch sad sacks with no friends, no gf, some have jobs, some dont.

how did they GET these jobs?

yeah its muh GAP which is hurting me more than my lack of Interviewing Charisma. I actually have prob around average interview skills. better than that woman hahahahahahahahahaha who i still think about and compare myself to even though she has been out of my life forever for 16 months and is never coming back.

yeah the whole reason i LUV MJ now is because i used WAY TOO MUCH of it in my youth, age 25 and earlier. big mistake. never should have. but ive screwed the pooch now. because i ruined myself when i was young, i will pretty much always be addicted to w33d hahahaha. in that i am ALWAYS thinking about it, EVERY DAY, even when I only have it once every 200 days, im thinking about it all the other 199 days.  yes it sucks but DEAL WITH IT.

and the best way to do that, is just get a job any job ASAP,  find a MJ Hookup ASAP, and make a Big Buy ASAP. like $100 at least. buy a BIG bag of MJ.

get on disability because i have too much anxiety to work a job like a normie, then spend money on MJ hahaha.

those fookin phaggots rejecting me for the part time job when there were THREE openings. god damn. 3 openings and less than 30 people in the running. how the HELL was i not in the top 20%? where DID I rank? HOW close was I to getting the job? and what if i WASNT EVEN CLOSE?

again they probably wanted somebody who was perfectly happy with part time job, rather than someone who admitted yeah my goal is to get a full time job. probably hired a retired 65 year old person who just wanted something to DO to keep from getting BORED with retirement hahahahaha. fookin baby boomers.

rather than 50 year old people who are FORCED into early retirement and have to eat dogfood and live in section 8 housing with negros hahahahaha. elderly white people living in the black ghetto, eating dogfood. which is also black slang for heron.

ANYWAY. so i will crap on deathspell omega because……they are FRUSTRATING. basically they intentionally gave up catchy riffs in favor of super uncatchy “riffs” and its like they did this on purpose, they are purposely frustrating, and i liked that when i was 16 but now that i am over twice that age, im like, i want to listen to music to ENJOY it, not to work hard and struggle to overcome challenges and confusion. i have a hard enough time doing that in my daily life. just give me good songs. and i know they are capable of that! my favorite DSO songs are their slower more melodic ones!!!! “carnal malefactor” eg. beautiful song. write more songs like that. or the first song on “drought” was slow and melodic and establishes a very nice dark ominous atmosphere, before they tear it all down with their nonsense riffs…..and the nonsense riffs on “paracletus” actually seemed to work most of the time.

im getting too old for this shit hahahahahaha.

yeah but they are even older than ME! they are close to 40!

probably MJ would make it more enjoyable. i wonder if “hasjarl” does MJ. PROBABLY. knowing that would take a lot of the MYSTIQUE out. like this article on insvisible oranges implies: it seems RIDICULOUS to think of a member of DSO doing mundane things like going to walmart or tuning the guitar or having a goofy moment in the studio. to that i would add just about anything: hanging out with their waifu, taking a dump, going to work, trying to explain shit to angry customers, visiting their family. but they do all these things just like normal people, and yeah maybe i CAN imagine these things all too well, and so i think, no need to TRY so hard buddy. I KNOW youre just a damn normie! i bet he just gets super stoned and is like oh heres another wanky riff in 88/14 time that normie squares who haven’t taken jazz band 101 wont understand hehehehe. hue hue hue hue. yeah well youre a normie too buddy.

mikko aspa might not be a normie tho hahahaha.

this guy has actually gotten to the point of casual secs and can conclusively say that he is not impressed and he wants moar, but he just cant get to the second date. i mean if they FOOK on the first date, its a safe assumption theyre SOMEWHAT interested in you.  but noooooo they cant even fook you a second time!

i mean when a gurl FOOKS, how do you know whether she wants it ONLY ONCE, or more than once?

these stupid, stupid bitches. hahahaha. you think if he turned down the secs on the first date, then the women are gonna change their mind and want to go out with him for a second date?

WOMEN WHO FOOK ON THE FIRST DATE ARE NOT THE TYPE OF WOMEN YOU WANT TO HAVE A SECOND DATE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but nobody understands this anymore. there is not enough SLUT SHAMING!!!!!

treat people like actual people, human beings with feelings and hearts! thats how i treat women in real life! i talk a LOT of shit about women in general on teh internet, but in real life, with real women, I DO NO HARM!!!!!!!!!!

nov 2

yeah i was/am kinda pissed about getting rejected for the pt 15 an hour job with THREE openings. couldnt even get ONE of em. couldnt even get the WORST one.

interview tomorrow for goddamn ELEVEN dollar PT job, which is normally too low to consider for me, but i like the company, its close, i worked there before, i would luv to get FT job there, and ive had THREE interviews with them for pt 11 dollar jobs, all rejected, and the 4th tomorrow. (4 separate jobs.)

would LOVE to get call this week from the 2 other companies i int at last week. would def be disappointed af to get rej emails from them. not really PISSED, but definitely disappointed and weakened confidence. it cant get much lower folks hahahaha.

trump does not view women as full human beings, says hitlery hahahahaha. i thought, well, neither do I, but I would never want to personally do them harm. AND I view them as about 80% human beings, thats pretty good right?

still doesnt mean i would TREAT them as 80% humans, i wouldnt treat them like they have treated me hahahaha. they have treated ME like less than 80% human!!!!!!!!

anyway who cares. my new thing with interviews is, just memorize 10 stories in great detail.

let the STORIES be your guide.

i didnt know what i was doing, i couldnt explain the bad news to the caller because i didnt understand, i didnt udnetstand enough to ask the right questions to muh superiors, i got flustered. so i went home and studied the stuff until i did understand it. then the next day i called the caller again and gave them a better explanation.

even though most times just studying will nto give you the EXPLANATION you want. you still have to deduce the explanation for yourself out of the most unclear material. or speculate a reason or rationale or explanation why you Cant Do This, because nothing is given in a written company policy.

its usually safe to assume Money Is The Reason. saving money. and then you have to come up with a tactful way to explain that to the customer, we cant help you because it costs too much money.

i was watching this retarded show “taboo” which is semi entertaining, and then they did a show about “the limits of female beauty” or something and had a bit on The Most Anorexic Woman in the World, a french woman who LITERALLY looked like A Skeleton. I mean her actual FACE as well as her body was Emaciated AF and she looked like the Sloth Guy in the move Seven. looking at that face as haunting and horrifying. i said NOPE NOT GONNA WATCH THIS and i felt dirty being complicit in this very jooish exploitation.

id actually seen the episode before a few years ago. i recall they said this woman DIED shortly after the episode was completed. she was like 30 years old and LITERALLY at deaths door as they were filming, she was that bad, and she LOOKED that bad. it was HORRIFYING.

i know i was disturbed when i watched in the first time and when they showed her this time, i was super disturbed and just turned the show off. how jooish can you get.

 

sheeeeeit thats that type of stuff i worry about, now this poor sap is living it! guarantee this will be [removed] quickly hahahaha like most of the sweet reddits i post.

what if that woman did something like that? it wouldnt matter because she has been Ripped Out of my life for the past 16 months. 480 days hahahaha. who cares. doesnt matter. its all over. get over it.

so yeah my work stories suck because basically it was me getting flustered and saying uhh yeah i guess we cant do this, sorry, just deal with it, anything else i can help you with? so again, i have to SPIN those stories to show that I did Follow Up research to understand shit, and did callbacks to Clarify shit, in a world where NOTHING WAS CLEAR. half the time documentation didnt even EXIST. and the documentation that DID exist was WRONG, out of date, and or confusing/UNCLEAR AF.

and the people you can ask for help are often as unhelpful and unclear as the unclear shit you are asking for clarification on, so you learn to try to Figure It Out yourself.

anyway. ive sort of met the guy i will be talking to tomorrow. he used to walk through my department and i would give him a friendly greeting whenever i saw him. he seemed nice enough that he is actually the type who says hello to people, and i am the same way. yes thats right. im not this huge hateful asshole in real life. i am a scared coward who is so DESPERATE for peoples APPROVAL that i am super NICE to people all the time, like a total NICE GUY, the worst KIND of creep!!!!! hahahahahaha.

ok everybody wants approval. why cant we just call this golden rule. treat everyone the way you want to be treated. that is an even more valid explanation of me being nice to everybody. besides i dont stalk women like a nice guy. i send them a couple emails and let them throw me away with onyl minimal complaining.

i TALK like a huge abuser, but i have never ever ever abused a woman. but of course i worry that i would, because i TALK like an abuser when there are no women around. so its hard to tell. what is real and what is the mask?

i like to think im not REALLY an abuser. i have just been so disappointed by women that its very hard for me not to speak negatively of them. but alot of my stuff is legit criticism.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20do%20you%20convince%20people%20youre%20not%20an%20idiot

drop quotes by neil “magic black science man” tyson. maybe steven hawking. done.

http://archive.is/iSmnZ

stupid kyke hahahahaha why did i even trigger myself hahaha

http://introvertspring.com/introvert-may-slow-im-stupid/

yeah dont even tell the interviewer you are slightly introverted even as a way just to describe your personality is not super duper extraverted……..BECAUSE INTROVERTED IS A BAD WORD AND A BAD THING. Just say you are perfectly normal, a friendly polite person, and not necessarily the life of the party. Im just here to do a good job, not socialize. never let the word INTROVERT exit your lips. ANATHEMA.

i mean i havent done that recently, but i know i did at some point, maybe to explain why i prefer a Back Office Position over a Front Office Position.

they always say, ask her out on a DATE, BUT, problem is, youve been HANGING OUT a bit doing things that COULD be construed as datelike, where they only thing that changes is the word…..hey wanna go to dinner again…..but this time its a DATE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

yeah ok fine. if this is what you have to do, i’ll accept that. i would just rather say “i am starting to get changing feelings for you and might want to DATE you” would be just as good.

anyway. MW is now in the US. and uploading vidyas regularly. hope he keeps doing that. if the “dangerous haggis tour” stops near me i would like to see him. this is exciting. i am excited for him. he is pretty excited. hopefully he hangs out with plenty of hardcore WN’s hahahaha. his first stop was staying with antidem in san f4gcisco. all i know about antidem is that he is a joo and was banned from TRS for that. hes probably one of the good ones, but…….not a great start. just go stay with greg johnson hahaha. well i know “grindr greggie” also stays near NYC as well. anyway i am SURE they will meet up. and i hope MW records as much of his visit as possible. record everything. documentary. its just fun. i am happy for him. he is a great guy. hope he doesnt bang that woman hahaha. because that woman might have gotten into alt right stuff since i stopped talking to her. hahahahaha. yeah right.

but young women will do weird celebrity worship shit tho. for example, say youre obsessed with the band sublime, so you Chat with the dead singers mother or something. what if That Woman got all into alt right, then skyped with MW for months, and said, if you ever come to the US you can stay with me…….and fook me every way imaginable! no man could turn that down!

when a purty 7/10 25 year old gurl is giving you attention, smiling at you, interested in you, wants to see you…….that is a BIG boost to the confidence!

you might think, well she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…..but she doesnt NEED to be! she just needs to be nice and friendly and interested!

so yeah. she could def fook MW if she wanted. she could fook ANY man she wanted. ANY woman can fook ANY man they want ehehehehe. well…..she prob couldnt fook the donald. but an E-list internet “celebrity”? absolutely.

ok ok thats enough on that person.

but we just had a REAL relship! FACT! and it was important to me! FACT! and my feelings are valid! FACT! i am entitled to be upset when i lose a Real Rel that was very important to me! FACT!

trust the process hahaha.

basically, any way you look at it, it was a REAL RELATIONSHIP, and I can’t say that about many women. maybe 2 other women, both just friends, but decent real friends. the women i pseudodated, those were just brief pseudorels, CASUAL rels, i didn’t really know them, these were NOT REAL RELS, so ultimately its prob easier to get over something THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED.

this shit really existed though. objectively. there is ironclad EVIDENCE that would hold up in court.

so yeah. you can ghost on a casual “rel”, but when you ghost on a REAL rel…….IT HURTS.

the end.

heard about retired guy, had great 30+ year career with DoD, prob insane pension, good man, he’s done well, good white family, good white man. gets PT job in retirement to just get out of the house. scheduled like 4 hours a day. shift starts at 830 am, but he’s gotta start working at 745 am to finish the shit he has to finish by 11:30 am or whatever. i HATE this shit. doing 45 minutes of unpaid work, on a THREE HOUR shift. so you are giving them 33% PERCENT MORE, for FREE. that is like working OVER TWO HOURS FOR FREE on a regular 8-hour day.

30 minutes extra, ok fine. an hour, that’s pushing it. and i am talking about a full 8 hour day.

i HATE when you have to work off the clock just to finish the shit you HAVE to finish by the end of your shift. thats so fooking GAY and JOOISH and I BET that that shit happens a LOT more now than it did 20 years ago.

and like i said before, you cant even brag that you are GREAT about doing this, as a way to demonstrate your value, because you shouldnt even be doing this. no. just say you do the work in 8 hours what average people do in 10. and then actually stay 10 hours to do 10 hours of work. but clock out after 8. fooking skypes. hehehehe.

PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!!!!1

had weird dream last night where i was with Woman2005B aka woman4. She was a weird pale white awkward nerdy virgin, very innocent. but also kinda bitchy and unpleasant. i felt woman2015 That Woman was innocent and sweet like her, but an improvement because That Woman was MUCH nicer to me. haha.

anyway in the dream she was smuggling heroin or something like that, and then i was smuggling HER with the heroin. and i was worried about getting her K’d, because people were looking for her and her drugs. I stood to profit from the whole deal too. i had fee fees for her and she was being bitchy and difficult. on the whole the dream was pretty scary with threats of death and violence. pretty sure i got separated from her. i think there was the idea she had gotten captured and was being raept and tortured. and i felt classic survivors guilt, like i sold her out so i could survive.

anyway not a pleasant dream at all. i had to force myself to wake up, and i was glad i did, because it was getting pretty bad. then i turned over on my other side and stayed awake for a few mins, then went back to sleep, no more dream.

andrew anglin is on the TRS forum now!!!!! oooo how exciting.

i guess my ideal career would be a Social Worker or a Counselor helping Neet men and virgin men, with neetism, despair, anxiety, rels, women, careers, becoming a normie.

but social workers dont DO That kind of work. they do work with people who are WAY more fooked up, like people who get abused, addicts, borderline, sociopaths, abusers, violent, drunks, poor blacks, felons, etc. people who are REALLY on the fringes of society, yet manage to reproduce, and ruin their children with their fooked up ness.

oh yeah. that woman in 2005, she was bitchy largely because I was a bitch and totally approached her the wrong way. namely by being a sloppy drunken fool who was clearly in luv at first sight with her. and i couldnt just be like hey wanna hang out like a normal person. i already hung out with mutual friends. if i had tried just talking to her directly one on one, i wouldnt have made such a damn fool of myself. when i am in a group, its harder for me to connect with the people individually……even if there is not as much pressure on me to “perform” and “be interesting.”

but yeah no one likes a drunk weirdo throwing themselves at you, im in luvvvvvvvvvvvvvv with youuuuuuu pleaseeeeeeeeee marry me.  just SO desperate.

and see i thought she was the perfect solution to woman2005A, who had dumped me shortly before, and i was heartbroken and hated her. but I found this GREAT woman shortly after! i guess that must be what a “rebound” is like………if i managed to date 2005B, which i didnt. so i was on the rebound, and got rejected by the rebound, hahahaha. downward spiral. shit i think the rebound girl would have been GREAT, she was better and qter than 2005A. if i had successfully “rebounded” with 2005B, that WOULD have probably fixed everything hahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/54138/how-to-tell-a-client-a-reported-bug-is-not-actually-a-bug-but-something-they

i should read this moar

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/23737/how-can-i-manage-an-in-person-job-interview-when-i-have-social-anxiety?rq=1

fookin successful normies hahaha nonnevergfs

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/55541/how-can-i-handle-a-co-worker-who-is-infatuated-with-me-but-denies-it?rq=1

aaannnnndddd heres the woman shitting everything up again. womaning up the workplace with her drama about all these creepy niceguys at work being infatuated with her and making her uncomfortable. women in the workplace is such a giant horrible clusterfook. woman in a male dominated field. FOOK YOU. get out of the male field hahahaha. believe me, they dont like YOU either. could actually get some work done without bitches in the office starting drama hahahahaha.

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

good thoughts here…..but how about some stories, examples, scripts.

i am JEALOUS of her that she has better skills at ADULTING than I do. can handle all those angry customers, tell them no, this cant be fixed, no, you cant talk to the manager, i am the manager now, i make 17 dollars an hour. explaining shit, or being like, no i dont need to explain this, it doesnt matter. just being able to work an adult job and live a mature adult life. so did she handle ME like a mature adult, because i was legit being that bad?

its never gonna be fun for anyone, answering those calls. youre ALWAYS gonna be nervous and stressed. but you just Face The Fear and Do It Anyway. and i jealous she has that skill. that she succeeded exactly where I failed ABYSMALLY.

well i have yet another chance to Face The Fear when going in for my interview tomorrow. another baby step. the 27th baby step.

but the thing is, heres the thing.wav, is that you have to be PERFECT in these things. whether its getting a JOB, or getting a WOMAN. ONE strike and youre GONE. there is PROBABLY more leeway once you actually GET the job (but not with the woman, with the woman, its always walking on eggshells, minefield, until you make that first, last, only mistake.)

like my job was HARD AS FOOK, but there was some leeway in there. ways to cut corners. I found out how to cut corners, how to evade calls, how to tack on a few minutes here and there, taking long lunches, long breaks, figuring out what i could get away with, how to play the game.

but yeah GETTING into the job is so hard!

well, getting into THAT job was SO easy.

but yeah it IS discouraging to get rejected again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. and i AM pissed that they couldnt hire me for at least one out of THREE part time jobs at the city. that really irks me. one job i can understand. THREE is just insult to injury. REALLY? I wasnt one of the top THREE?

but yeah its gotten me worried about the OTHER two jobs from last week. I would be ECSTATIC, LIFE CHANGER to get any of those two.

and yeah it sucks that WOMEN can handle “adulting” as the women on reddit call it (really gotta stop reading that shit), but it sucks even more than SHE can handle it. i mean yeah she is pretty much my nemesis hahahaha. it just KILLS me how she can totally succeed where I have failed and throw me away like nothing.

ADD INSULT TO INSULT TO INJURY. that’s like TWO insults on top of injury. BROOTAL. SAVAGE.wav.

THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN

HOW is this the life I’ve chosen hahahahahaha.

oct 25

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.  interview this afternoon with banking company, easy back office super entry level high school job hahahaha.  but i cant get a sweet 35k Recent Graduates or Pathways job with FEDGOV, so as an Old Graduate, Im forced to settle for a 25k nongraduate job hahahahaha. THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN. THIS IS THE HAND IVE BEEN DEALT. I CHOSE THIS hahahaha.

well thats contradictory: you dont CHOOSE the hand you get DEALT by the dealer. its all chance. fate.

yeah but i made a bunch of poor decisions and mistakes that led me to where i am today, so, indeed, THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN.

I was in a C++ coding class with this guy who always used to say that. he was prob severely depressed, maybe 45 years old, working FT i think with mainframes, and i had no idea why he was in the class. he sounded like he had been working with code for years. i guess he didnt know c++, and he also wanted to chip away at his degree so he could get a better job. at age 50. even though he was already working like 60 hours a week in a tech job. he would chain smoke during the break in the 3 hour class and say THIS IS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN and sigh despairing and demoralizingly.  hahahahahahaha. great guy.

maybe he was a virgin or a woman hater too! hahaha. or a Creepy, Abusive, Controlling, Clingy, Needy, Immature, Toxic, Narcissistic Bad Man.

the obvious response is: HOW IS THIS THE LIFE IVE CHOSEN??!?!?!?! I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS!!!! DID I?!?!?!?! I DONT REMEMBER CHOOSING THIS!!!! NOBODY ASKED ME! NOBODY TOLD ME!!! I DIDNT KNOW!!!!!

IGNORANCE OF THE LAW IS NO EXCUSE. THIS IS THE LIFE YOUVE CHOSEN.

you chose it without KNOWING you were choosing it, or what you were choosing. but you chose it nonetheless.

god damn. how the hell did i not apply for one of those recent grad pathways jobs with FEDGOV when i was a recent grad? because i was immature AF as well as a jooish marxist who believed fedgov was an evil behemoth oppressive nonwhites at home and abroad. how could i become a part of the bloated military industrial complex used to oppress and kill innocent nonwhite wimmin and children in iraq and syria and afghanistan.

like they were just GIVING AWAY 35k entry level jobs to 22 year old shitheads like me. i mean its prob competitive as shit. but i DID have Superior GPA from a Name School, so i think i did technically have a chance. now I got no chance because im not even ELIGIBLE. Im too old. i missed the boat. the fast track. now i am on the nowhere track.

they have more Recent Grad Pathways jobs than they do Basic Bitch GS 05 jobs!!!!!!!!!!!!

i coulda been a contender, i coulda started at gs07, but now id be happy AF to take 05! pleeeeease respond! please interview me! most of all please hire me!

this is how i kill 34 minutes before going to muh interview hehehe. i mean i got the big interview done yesterday. i already researched this company today, i researched them 2-3 weeks ago when i did the other interviews.

i could TECHNICALLY start a masterz degree program (BS online MBA) and then get into one of these pathways jobs hehehehehe.

i mean making alot of assumptions here. what if the pathways job is harder to get into than HARVARD or MIT. i just dont know.

“sort of ex/bf” wtf does that mean???? YOU DONT KNOW IF HES YOUR EX OR NOT???!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!??!!

heh. at least i got that going for me. there is NO DOUBT that That Woman did not want to be with me. So now all I need to do is Forget About Her, and uhh learn the lessons and not make the same mistakes again. not be a COWARD again. be a MAN.

FIFTY DOLLARS to see MORRISSEY??? For 20 sure. for 30 maybe, a big maybe. i mean im not even a huge morrissey fan, i just respect what he’s done and i like the ridiculous lovesick grumpy image. i only know like 3 or 4 smiths songs and like 1 or 2 morrissey songs. 50$? rather spend it on MJ hahahahaha.

 

why dont you go to grad skool, you old white man. you get in what you put out. maybe if you CAREER FOCUSED like WOMEN you wouldnt be in this mess.

way to have a NEGATIVE, ENTITLED attitude that employers can SMELL a MILE away. go to THERAPY and fix your negative entitled attitude.

i was thinking about posting just to give him sympathy but then the post got locked. prob cuz it got very heated in there with people piling on this poor guy. IMHO, he is ENTITLED to have a negative attitude!

did i even talk about the interview? it was ok enough, i was nervous and rambling. i appreciated that they werent trying to RUSH me out of there in 45 minutes. it ended up being damn 90 minutes. i get the impression they give people all the time they need to Hire and Interview. i was a little exhausted at the end of it. the person was nice enough.

unfort there is also a damn second interview. i didnt expect a second interview for this damn 13 dollar an hour job. well i mean i didnt expect it to be a part of the process. but i would like this job so i DO want to get invited to the second interview.  but its also discouraging. i dont think ive ever made it to a second interview. i mean i am honestly sick of interviewing. 27 interviews and no job hahahahaha. well, i am a little TOO picky about jobs because i know I would prob K myself at a restaurant or fast food or grocery job. so i am trying to get a damn office job.

well just get a “transitional” job. well thats the thing. well sure you have to bullshit like its not transitional and you want to work at this shady restaurant the rest of your life.

well i can handle a lot more than i THINK i can handle, when I am not having Huge Personal Drama with a Woman at the job.

so if any one of these 27 places said yes, i could have probably handled it. for a year or so. then ragequit. then spent the next 15 months trying to find new job haha.

well the manager i talked to knew one of muh references, sort of. i will take that as a good sign. a SIGN from GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD. much like seeing that woman from my old job, working at the place i interviewed yesterday. not sure what is the better sign.

or it just means nothing hehehehe.

now i feel strangely tired. even though i got plenty of sleep. i always get plenty of sleep. too much sleep! i worry how i would be able to handle working 50 hours a week! i would literally have to do nothing but work and sleep. no exercise, no chores, no family, no 1488 podcasts, no powerwalks, no writing hahaha.

but heres the thing, i cant go RIGHT TO SLEEP after work because im too worried and my mind spinning and reeling about work stuff. the best thing i can do is take a ton of MJ, relax a bit, and THEN go study for 90 minutes or so, to give me a sense of confidence on the Work Material and that I am Ready for the crazy day tomorrow. so thats at least 2 hours of post-work home stuff there.

for a person that likes to spend 12 hours a day in bed, that is hard to swing hahahaha.

is it normal to spend 12 hours a day in bed? what is it a symptom of? despair? laziness?

i dont spend the WHOLE TIME sleeping. but uhh I do spend about 10 hours sleeping. 10 hours sleeping every night. the average is 7 hours. come on. but i feel like i cant FUNCTION hahahaha.

i mean yeah for a while i WAS a normie, getting 7 hours of sleep, working super stressful job all day every day. i was paying my dues just like everyone else.

but i just want a job where i can do tasks. have a routine. not have so much god damn change and confusion and being SLAMMED and having to explain and fix shit you didnt understand. its your job to answer the phone and there are calls always waiting in the queue.

heh the best was when i was on like a 90 minute call and i really had to urinate because i had been drinking a lot of coffee and water. i have actually put the caller on hold, ran out of the room and urinated, then came back to continue the call 2 minutes later with no one the wiser. because i was constantly putting the caller on hold for 5 minutes at a time to “research” or “get some advice” or run such and such a program.

but yeah that was HORRIBLE. i guess theoretically i could have asked the caller for permission so i could go to the Restroom. newbs would think, well why cant you just call them back.

ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY CALL THEM BACK because then you are in OUTBOUND call mode and that counts as Not Ready and you have to be Ready 85% of the time.  you are only ready when you are Inbound. on an inbound call, or those times when you are waiting for an inbound call.

i dont remember those times so much but we actually had them. but those times kinda sucked too because you were on the edge of your seat worried about when you would get that call and what it would be. i couldnt just Chill Out.

but yeah technically it WAS better than having one call after the other, to at least get a couple minutes between calls to rest or maybe even talk to your neighbor and try to convince yourself you were a normal human being who knew how to talk to people.

i dont want to work in a goddamn call center on inbound calls ever again! is that so illegit of me???!?!?!?!?!?!

its not like i wont serve customers or talk to people! i will give customer service! I will even sit in the inbound call queue for……..2 hours a day hahahaha. maybe even 3. but not fookin EIGHT hours a day.

i just hate that i WASNT TOUGH ENOUGH. I wasnt tough enough but SHE was.

 

wait until she leaves him for one of her more interesting male friends, he is right to be “insecure.” also he is shamed for thinking casual sex is wrong and not liking that his GF had a FWB casual sex partner. shamed by all the casual sex NIHILIST sluts of reddit.

feel pretty exhausted, not sure why. was it really because of muh 90 minute interview? i think so. but i used to do the equivalent of 8 hours of interviews every day at work. and yeah i was exhausted too but i couldnt sleep because my mind was RACING and worried.

right now im not worried and mind racing thank GOD. but i shouldnt be THIS tired. just from a 85 minute interview. i mean i sleep 10 hours a day. i cant upgrade the citalopram any more said the dr, 40 mg is maximum dose. the other option is that i could add wellbutrin. who knows. might do that. keep adding shit until one day i can HANDLE Normie Life. not even a Rel! but just a normie job. like the ones i interviewed for today and yesterday.

int tommorow, i am barely even preparing. i have talked to these people TWICE before, taken like FOUR tests with them, also this is a part time job, i am sick of doing prep work for them. but this part time job pays pretty well (15 an hour) and i would not turn it down AT ALL. I would welcome it.

just too many god damn college “educated” professional women on reddit. thinking they are all smart and progressive with their horrible nihilistic “progressive” “values.”

anyway i am a VERY low key guy and i would not like the “rockstar” gf like this guy has. its fine and dandy she has “CHOSEN” him but i guarantee shes gonna end up CHOOSING one of her more interesting male friends, and his “insecurities” will be 100% correct. he would be better off with a low key person like him, someone who doesnt have FWB’s.

i certainly want a low key woman. That Woman was very low key and did not like to party at all. no drinking, no going out, just staying in with the family, no tons of male friends. i LUVED that about her. i mean i have dealt with the other type of woman too. too many male friends, sluts, etc. college sluts that probably use reddit now and give horrible advice.

anyway i just worry that I singlehanded Ruined my rel with that woman because of My Issues that I should have been Getting Therapy for!!!!!!

but i HAVE been going to Some Therapy and taking medz every day!

oh god what a butt slut hahahahahahahaha

at the age of 24 shes ONLY had THREE serious enough relationships (out of 600000000000 secs partners) that she Luved enough to let them put it in the ass. THANKS.

anyway didnt mean to get on a tangent there.  i just dont want to RUIN rels with My Issues. Insecurities and Anxiety and Despair and Hate and Judgeyness hahahahaha. oh you had 3 FWBs thats gross and NIHILISTIC hahahaha. well it is.

well i mean reddit said its FRIENDS with benefits and its not nihilistic, its not disrespectful, and it involves communication and respect and mutual appreciation, you are not just using people for secs nihilistically.

so THEORETICALLY its something I MAY be capable of. like if i met a qt young gurl who i thought, oh yeah shes attractive i wouldnt mind having secs with her.

but if she was a decent person and i got along with her as a FRIEND, AND was secsually attracted to her…….i would CERTAINLY get some kind of FEELINGS very quickly.

so i dont understand how these FWBs just dont end up Dating.  you get along with the person as a friend, which is HUGE, AND you are secsually attracted to them, with is HUGE, and together with the getting along? i mean shit it sounds like something that would work really well as Dating, so why the f not do that?

like i was good friends with that woman and wished i could date someone i got along with that well. and then i started thinking of her secsually…..and boom the FEELINGS came right along with that.

so yeah FWB points to the nihilistic shit of being able to separate secs from feelings, which IMHO is nihlistic and wrong and disturbing, just like that anxious niceguy(tm) OP says in that reddit where he was shamed.

fookin interviews. sick of this shit hahahahaha.

THE SEVEN WEEK ITCH

oct 19

welp got 2 interview invites in 1 day, bringing muh average “up” to 1/19 hahahaha. 1 interview for every 19 apps. better than target of 1 out of 20 hahahahaha.

1 for IT Quality Assurance at healthcare place, that might be good. i dont have QA experience but i wish i did and I am fundamentally committed to the idea of quality! hahahaha.

and then interview for part time city job which i would like to get.

ok, this time, DONT TELL THE SECOND PLACE THAT THEY ARE SECOND PLACE!!!!

meaning, DONT be “up front” or “transparent” that I am interview with place xyz and that if they offer me the job, i have to take it!

my previous thought was, this makes me not look desperate. like i am a man with options. this might work with women, but not sure about Jobs. Jobs might only want you if THEY are your FIRST choice. by saying you’d take another job, you’re telling them they are not your first choice. therefore they wont pick you.

so, 2 interviews next week. and now up to 25 interviews, 479 apps. i was shooting for 25 and 500, so, even better.

25 interviews was kinda my Magic Number tho. like THERES NO WAY I wont get a job after 25 interviews.

course thats what I said about 20!

WELL, some of these things werent really INTERVIEWS tho. I added .5 for Testing Sessions and Phone Interviews.

well a phone interview is kinda an interview right? its at LEAST TWICE as stressful as taking a test right? so i really should count phone interviews for 1 instead of .5.

 

hehehehe i did not really get HEADDESK FACEPALM issues like this, i kinda wish i did, because then they would be EASY and I could EASILY BLAME the Stupid Idiot Luser and be CONFIDENT that I was right and knew what i was doing. When in reality i would get WEIRD shit and think, DAMN, I know even LESS than the User! I have no idea what this thing they’re using even is! I have to fix a tool they’re using which I’ve never seen or heard of before!

go to tales from tech support and read all the Long and especially Extra Long stories. that is kind of what our stuff was like hahahaha. Extra Long.

I am closer to these shockingly idiot Users than I am to Tech Support! so why am i am WORKING for tech support! i empathize and sympathize wiht the Lusers too much!

DOGSBODY. this is def a british people word, for “administrative assistant” or “secretary” or “factotum” or person who does the shit jobs noone else wants to do. slave, lackey, minion, grunt, monkey, meat.

a Half Day Shadow is more than enough to fully train you for everything in your job! Thank You Sir for the PRivilege of a Half Day Shadow!

2 interview invites in 1 day, thats gotta count for something right. so to celebrate, think i will only apply to 1 job (baby step), then do 10 pushups (baby step), then do a 1 hour powerwalk (kind of a baby step hahahaha), listen to new fatherland episode (not a baby step but a full pleasure, very comfy, like cuddling a QT or smokin a big MMJ hahahaha)

it is VERY frustrating when you apply for a job, then see the cover letter you used, and see that it has a mistake in it: misspelling, wrong company, wrong position title, some sort of error. and then you think, theres GOT to be ones i’m NOT catching. and i’ve caught at least 2 or 3 in the past 100 or so.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

 

 

like these tales from reddits

 

how to train your call centre dogsbodies

 

she has only ever been with OP, and the 2nd guy she fooked was this “gay guy” she fooked when fooked up one night. cheating on the OP.  now gf is crawling back and saying pls forgive me, take me back, you can fook other gurls, pls just take me back. OP has a bad feeling and doesnt really want to. i would probably say I FORGIVE YOU BABEY bla bla bal and then she would cheat on me again and give me aids hahahaah. grids.

once a cheater, always a cheater!

NOT EVEN ONCE!

So if I made it 30+ years without cheating “EVEN ONCE”…..uh i kinda want to STAY that way! and i also want a woman for muh wife who has never cheated even once.

 

 

heh this is what i dont like about reddit. they think the father is a horrible bigot because he doesnt want his 20 year old white daughter taking the BBC. well, i guess they could be jooish, here’s a situation where joos would call themselves white.

and she is JUST FINDING OUT her father is “racist.” because he has black friends and hasnt given any indication that hes a HORRIBLE BIGOT until his 20 yo daughter brings home a black silverback!

and all the reddit scum agree, oh yes, he’s a horrible person.

 

gf dumped guy, broke his poor heart, now is upgrading to a better man, and dumped boifran continues to torture and blame himself. yeah this sucks. its better when they downgrade to a shittier man…..but many times they dont hahahaha.  YOU are the shittier man because youre a big loser in life.

it just sucks when they Move On so QUICKLY and yeah i would like to see reddit shame the xgf for that. like you cant take more than a few weeks to be single and Process the Dead Rel? you IMMEDIATELY go out and find someone WAY better? at least accept that that is gonna do a NUMBER on this sad sack guy!

well at least he’s young and near to finishing an engin degree so the odds are in his favor of getting a good job with that.

i might just RESPOND on this thread because hes not getting enough sympathy!!!!!

yeah i responded with a rambling, incoherent, autistic thing. see if you can find it hahahahahahaha.

guy gets feelings for his close female friend. she doesnt feel the same way. he doesnt know what to do. they work together. but she doesnt HATE him for it and they still talk and she prob wants to be friends. well he is way more successful than me and younger than me hahahahaha. so i say just make money and bang bitches and put her on the SUPER back burner.

 

when she LITERALLY TELLS YOU she wants to “put you on the shelf” and fook other guys, DUMP HER!!!!!!! not ok!!!!!!

/r/relships is good in that there is a lot of input, some of it good.

/r/anxiety and /r/depression are both GODAWFUL because there are 10% of the posts here, and they are not very high quality. /r/relships always tells you go to therapy, and its just funny. they REALLY need therapy on anx and dep.  i mean, there is terrible/no advice on these. nothing actually useful. just yep i want to K muh self too, its hopeless, the end.

at least on relships they TRY. and the women give shitty annoying advice but half of the women TRY, and 75% of the men TRY.

THIRSTY. MEN ARE NATURALLY THIRSTY.

80% of men DONT REPRODUCE. 80% of men cant get a woman. 80% of men have been celibate for 2 years or longer. of COURSE most 80% of men are “THIRSTY” hahahahahahaha.

but you see what im saying. most men dont have any OPTIONS they can CHOOSE from. BEGGARS cant be CHOOSERS. BEGGARS are THIRSTY. its not BAD for them to be thirsty. dont THIRST SHAME them!

dont THIRST SHAME a man whose been crawling in the desert for 10 years!

in fact, to continue with this thirst metaphor, thirst is not inherently bad! it means you’re suffering because you’re not getting something you NEED!

so the proper response is, dont SHAME them, say oh noes, THIS MAN IS DYING OF THIRST! HE NEEDS SOME WATER STAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

now its not anyones JOB to do that for him….but his own skills may well be weakened. compromised.

so i should just go to a hooker is what you’re saying?

well i would much rather go to a FWB.

oct 20

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. interesting scenario, go to my usual social event and a new gurl is there, about 25 years old, white, very qt, friend of acquaintance of mine, so i figure thats fine, hes got DIBS on her if he wants, but i’m not entirely sure what his motives are, but if i think she is QT he prob does too!

she seems not super obnoxious or bitchy in personality, but also lets slip some potential huge baggage, like fam members dying of drugs, possibly crazy x bf’s, lots of male friends, possibly dated a black guy, or a guy with a REALLY black sounding name lets just say. who knows how many abortions, how manny cox.

and yet i found myself attracted to her, like wow what a qt, i dont care if she’s crazy, i dont care if she had a black boifran, i dont care if she’s been with about 10 guys by age 25, i just care that shes qt and doesnt have any children. and if she were showing me interest right now, i would like that a lot and i would get over That Woman a lot faster.

and then i felt ashamed and inferior because my social skills are pretty bad, i cannot keep up with banter with the normies, i dont hang out and go to the bar or bowling with the normies, and i have terrible Game and cannot Talk To Women, and thought “i have nothing to talk about with this woman. she has quickly written me off as the most boring guy ever. by age 25 women dont want to waste time with BORING, quiet, awkward guys.”

my excuse was, i just assumed the other guy had “DIBS” on her and I was happy to respect that. but if he DIDNT, and was just looking for a Degen FWB, which is actually very possible, and it’s Open Season, then yeah my game was horrible omega vrigin neet style.

so that made me not feel so confident. like a failure with women.

and also just felt like a failure socially in general cuz my normie acquaintances go out to bar and bowling together, even if they have to Work the next morning, and I am just realy awkward abotu hanging out. I cant contribute to the hilarious banter very smoothly and i do not show tonnes of interest in hanging out, HOWEVER these are decent people and it would be GOOD for me to hang out more, socialize, with decent people.

i mean i do try to be nice and try to act normie, but i just can’t keep up with the stream of constant banter. its not even ball busting banter, but just making jokes like a well adjusted normie. nothing mean spirited or douche baggy, like i say, these are decent positive people.

so yeah a bit of double whammy socially last night hahaha: i am terrible with women, i am terrible with people.

i thought of how high this gurls number would have to be to be a dealbreaker. probably 10, i thought. she can come in under 10 at age 25 right? thats not asking too much?

but what about the fooked up family? was she molested? ever raeped? was there really black guys she fooked? how many black guys? how many white guys hahahaha. is she a cheater? abortions? how many fwb’s? hows your father?

and you cant really ask ANY of these questions as small talk hahahahahahahaha but she did let some pretty big hints slip, and she wasnt even talking to me!

OCCAMS RAZOR sez, I just wanted to bang her because she was a young qt, fit my A E S T H E T I C pretty well as a pale skinned, long haired semi “alternative” gurl, who does MJ and is not a huge social butterfly. Chill Cool Gurl. and then i thought DAMN I would like to DO her, but I would ALSO like cuddling with her, and making out with her, and trying the nice sweet GFE with her.

WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IF SHE WAS GFE AT ALL!

Basically if the woman is even close to my “type” physically, I will want to try the GFE with her. meaning, potential for FEELINGS.

so it was nice knowing that i could very likely get Real, True feelings for a woman again, AND also lower my unrealistically high standards: been with less than 10 guys AND no black guys AND no abortions AND no cheating AND no fooked up family AND no kids AND 25-27 yo AND 6.8/10 hahahahaha.

sheeeeeeit she MIGHT have children, she just didnt say anything about that. i guess having children is the REAL dealbreaker. she could be a huge mudshark slut for all I care.

well of COURSHE these things would have SERIOUS implications in a serious LTR, but uhhhh ive never gotten that far before. i guess i would gladly take the GFE for 3 months until i get dumped by a mudshark slut for being too clingy hahahahaha.

ok a 25m complaining about his 19 yo gf that she is immature and bad communicator. so why doesnt she just dump him hahaha.

WELL, my question is, HOW MUCH maturity should you EXPECT out of a 25 year old WOMAN?

i hate this, well, you can only be SO MATURE at such and such an age. people dont MATURE till age 40.

heres the thing hehehe: 25 is in a real gray area here. we can all agree that 20 is immature, 30 is mature. so what does that make 25 then? it could go both ways obviously.

ALSO, its not like this GF is running away from her older BF. she is posting on reddit in a way to Try To Help.

anyway. the good the bad and the ugly.

the GOOD thing about “meeting” this new woman yesterday (i had actually met her once before like 9 months ago?) is that it taught me that I AM capable of getting feelings for a woman in the future. that is not THAT woman hahaha.

the bad and the ugly, well we just went over all that above. really it might be ALL TOO EASY for me to get feelings for a BAD woman! like this new woman has red and yellow flags pointing to dumpster fire, but here I am wanting to do GFE with her! Rough Secs sure, but also tender secs and tender cuddling and dating!

basically you want to be nice to the young qt woman and have her be nice back to you, EVEN IF she is the biggest dumpster fire in the history of the world! you will put on the rose colored glasses and just IGNORE everything in favor of you FANTASY! you will WILLINGLY DELUDE YOURSELF!!!!!

and that is EXACTLY what I did for That Woman!!!!!!!! I willingly bought into a FANTASY so much that I thought the fantasy was reality!!!!!!!

this can happen when you are lonely and desperate and thirsty and you have a female friend who is 25, qt, no children, and somewhat nice. BOOM. ALL OVER.

well this got muh confidence back up, i just got TWO MORE INTERVIEWS today.

TWO INTERVIEWS PER DAY FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW.

THAT is TRULY UNPRECEDENTLY.

FOUR INTERVIEWS IN TWO DAYS.

This is the biggest thing since actually DOING two interviews in one day. (although that sucked. here im talking about the INVITATION to interview. which does NOT suck hahahaha.)

which brings MUH NUMBER up to 27!!!!! HORRY SHEET!!!!!

so yeah good pipeline.

the two i got today are: one from “bank”, HR woman called me and said well you didnt get the tech job (i knew this) but they were offering ANOTHER interview for me that i had applied to in april, didnt get anything for, they reposted it, and then HR called me and said i didnt even need to apply again, they would just give me an interview. so yeah i was really impressed by this HR woman. well she DOES have a masters degree. i mean i generally get a very solid respectable culture vibe from this company, i like it. it is refreshing.

next interview was at my old old employer, now this is a PT job, not super enthused about this one, but this place i associate with good easy PT jobs, albeit low paying and no more than 25 hours a week tops, but its close, and easy.

but i would take the higher paying PT job from this other place i am interviewing next wed.

applied for 1 job today when i was interrupted in that by the two phone calls. hehehehe.

so when i get secsual feelings for a woman, its VERY EASILY extrapolated to “romantic” feelings. for me there is not a huge disconnect between secs and romance. which i think is the old school, natural, traditional, nondegen way to be! what GOD has made one, man should not separate!

ok. wewlad all these interviews and phone calls.

i think its ok to say i have interviews to the other employers. just dont say, well this other place is my first choice. but its PERFECTLY FINE and a good move to say, oh i cant meet you on that day, I HAVE ANOTHER INTERVIEW.

course now that i have SAILED past 25, maybe that is GAAAAAAWWWWWWD telling me that I actually need to get to 30 interviews, not 25.

but 25 is a much better number than 30!

really 33 or 34 is a better number than darn 30.

just know that chill, introverted, quiet, nonobnoxious women STILL have 60000000000000000000000 guy friends because men have to do all the Heavy Lifting of being Charismatic, Interesting, Initiative, Drivers Seat, etc. a woman doesnt have to do anything to have 60000000000000000000000000 except RESPOND to texts.

she can be kinda plain, a 6.6/10, as long as she is 25 and no kids, she will have NO SHORTAGE of Male Friends, and from them, and ENDLESS SUPPLY of potential suitors, fook buddies, whatever she wants.

im not saying this is wrong or bad, i just get BUTTHURT when i see women taking that for GRANTED. that i DO get butthurt about.

also its ANNOYING when women complain about their BF’s getting JELOUS and CONTROLLING because they are upset the gf has 600000000000000 male friends. but then the women complain when the bf has female friends, or, even more interesting, a female “BEST FRIEND.”

YOU SHOULDNT HAVE A “BEST FRIEND” OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. THAT IS EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOUR BF.

or gf or whatever.

ideally, you would be single and available, and make your opposite sex Best Friend your actual Boifran. because best friend implies  closeness, intimacy, emotional connection that really MUDDIES THE WATERS when it is across Gender Lines. one person ALWAYS WANTS MORE hehehehe.

http://www.livescience.com/5031-hypermiling-driving-tricks-stretch-miles-gallon.html

heh. this is me. i would rather drive at 30 mph everywhere than stop at lights hahahahaha.

HYPERMILING hehehehe

i am not as obsessive about fuel efficiency, i just hate stopping at lights hahaha.

bbbbbut i still feel bad about being so PUSHY to her that she BLOCKED me.

bbbbbut i thought she didnt have to BLOCK me, she could have TALKED to me THEN blocked me.

bbbbbbut maybe im underestimating what a HORRIBLE CREEP NARCISSIST WOMAN HATER SCARY BABY I’m being!

ken bone said “i saw jennifer lawrences butt hole, and I liked it” on reddit hahahahaha.

i bet he did! i bet I would too! and any red blooded man!

i think i briefly looked at some of those pictures but not very long and dont remember a BHole pic, which is especially titillating.

then you think of your version of That Woman and how men have photos of HER BHole on THEIR phone. and women think all these guys just DELETE these pictures once they are done fooking. COME ON.

and i never even made out with her, or cuddled with her, or spent enough time with her, or got her to make an effort for me. show ME her BHole and gush jooice all over muh D. which she does for every tyrone and rodney and dontravius.

and i hate how i was so stupid and omega and weak and pushy that i Pushed her to this. i became what women hate the most: a spineless, supplicating orbiter, not even worthy of a courtesy text before Blocking.

well at least i didnt stalk her and Hound her afterwards. yeah i sent her emails. EMAILS. big deal. yeah they were long but she prob didnt even read them. might have just BLOCKED them.

what if your GF accuses you of being abusive, gaslighting, controlling, manipulating, a horrible person, but you dont think you are those things, but you do know you are a little jealous, clingy, needy, which maybe leads to some semi-controlling things, but not what you would call abusive or manipulative or gaslighting?

never teach women these words because they will use them against you hahahahaha. stop GASLIGHTING me! she’ll say, when you are calling her out for something genuinely ridiculous.

tyrone and leroy and rodney dont GASLIGHT me! they fook me HARD and take pictures of muh BHole and I like it!

also these women will be thrown for a LOOP when they see how WILLING I am to go to counseling with them. oh you think im controlling? well ok lets go to a shrink right now to fix this, unless youd rather walk away!

and then they would probably walk away, and spend a year trying to beg dontravius to go to a counselor hahahaha.

also women can CONVERT a male friend to a Lover at least 100 times more easily than a man can convert a female friend to a lover. AND THATS A DAMN FACT!!!!!

and i am NOT just talking about the other FACT that women have many MORE male friends than men have female friends. but controlling for this factor. because im very CONTROLLING hahahahaha.

 

ex gf returns 5 years later to apologize, make better closure, now ex bf is obsessing about her again, then she says lets go NC, and he is all confused and in luv with her again.

this is exactly why you go NC in the first place. while trying to have mature communication and get as much “CLOSURE” as you can at the time. you have like a 1 month window to get closure, then its over. NC 4 LYFE. Till Death.

heh. took some nyquil for the first time in a while. a whole dose. which will prob lead to “hangover” tomorrow.

well thing to remember is nyquil makes you dehydrated so you should drink A LOT of water right after taking it.

yeah i would still rather smoke MJ, but, really wouldnt want to do that with FOUR interviews coming up hehehehehe.

heheheh now thinking about getting a PO box for a few months just so i can have MMJ correspondence sent there. then i can always cancel it after like 2 or 3 months.

can get a small po box for 3 months for 20-25 bucks. this would be worf it to me hahahaha.

 

he is right to be suspicious! also he is too trusting of HER hehehehe.  so of course now HE is the one with “TRUST ISSUES.” what a bunch of manhaters hahaha.

 

interesting read hehehehe cuz yeah you can get an idea how they run their business by their priorities and the decisions they make in fixing problems. bandaids, fires, short term vs long term focus, etc.

heres a good one. i am still not sure whats going on. yet its my job to tell albert that this is the only workaround. also i dont have a manager who is approving me to escalate it to engineering. and albert would instead argue with me, well why CANT a patch fix it? why does it HAVE to be a full upgrade? and i would say I dont know, I can’t explain it to you, and I can’t transfer you to the guy who is telling me it CANT BE DONE.

but honestly, isnt that case a little CONFUSING? and you need to solve it in 20 minutes? every 20 minutes, a new weird case like this, all day, every day?

even the comments just make stupid jokes about vladimir without trying to clairfy the salty snacks patch business.

anyway. i just want to know if i did something really horrible to a person, or not. because i dont want to do horrible things to people! damn!

i really dont think i did! but i also dont trust my judgment, esp on relships!

but still. i dont think i did something horrible evil.

but it WAS a CLUSTERFOOK of a situation that would take AT LEAST a year to even START to make ANY progress. just being close to something THAT clusterfooky is bad.

i mean i dont WANT to be a horrible person! I WANT TO BE A GOOD PERSON!!! PRINCIPLED!!!!!!!!

though WOMEN think I am a horrible person, IM REALLY NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON? OR AM I?

WELL I REALLY DONT WANT TO BE!!!!!!!

im not as bothered by this as all this shouting makes it seem. although i certainly WAS!

right now i am just zoned out on nyquil. kinda bored tbh but too lazy to do anything. if i had MJ i would totes do it. lots of it. just waiting to go to bed tbh.

so right now i am more worried about the job situation than i am about that woman, and also some worrying about All Women In General, and generalizing TOO MUCH from That Woman To All Women, and i should NOT do that.

Not All Women Are Like That Woman!!!!!!!!!!1

and that woman wasnt even that BAD. but it was just that one thing that i didnt like. well not all women will do that one thing. namely dump you without a word, just a straight blocking.

oct 21

ok next day after full dose of nyquil. not a bad “hangover” at all. better than expected. and lemme make clear, the worst nyquil hangover is way better than the best alcohol hangover!

it is just IMPOSSIBLE to be Confident Around Women (and to a lesser extent, men) when you are a Jobless Bum!!!!!!!!

well maria bartiromo is like 50 years old and i would GLADLY bang the shit out of her and her huge probably fake tits. and i dont normally even pay attention to tits hahahahaha. i am much more of a legs/ass/hips man.

i mean her i wouldnt get any delusions or fantasies about the GFE because she is an Old Hag. i guess this si the ideal type of women to have for FWB. but tbh less than 1% of 50 year old women look nearly as good as her.

i dunno. i just hate having to explain to angry customers why we cant do this, when i dont understand why we cant do this. and i dont know if they are just being a bad customer, or my company is being a bad company. or really both are shitty, but whos worse. SHOULD the company be screwing THIS customer in THIS case.

finally passed the 2 thousand dollars of Work amount, which really is not a lot. in terms of Hours Of Work on muh job search, times 12 dollars an hour. i have only done 168 hours of actual work on the job search. which is DISGRACEFUL hahahahaha.

good lord. i dont ever want to become this blind hhahaha. its like she doesnt even realize CHEATING is horribly bad!

and this is the guys WIFE of SEVEN years. DAMN. maybe that is the “7 year itch.” shit i dunno. i never made it to seven MONTHS. technically, not even seven WEEKS.

bitches get the seven WEEK itch with me, hahahahahahahahaha.

the seven DAY itch, 7 HOUR itch more like it, amirite. can only keep a womans interest for 7 hours. great job. hahahaha.

i’m not THAT uninteresting! if women cared about IMPORTANT things, theyd see i was VERY interesting!

but then again, a woman who is too interested in politics is inherently crazy!

well, what about a woman who is super interested in MORALITY??!?!?!?!

yeah i would be ok with that. that would be great. because then she would be very interested in not being a dirty whore or cheater. yes.

and if she’s crazy…..well ALL women are CRAZY, just give me the ones that are MORAL. as long as their craziness doesnt compromise their MORALITY and make them behave immorally, like cheating, abandoning, or being a slut. then give me crazy moral all day erryday 4 lyfe.

shit who cares. as long as they are moral to me. shit go ahead and cheat on me, just dont dump me hahahahaha. work out a DEAL with me to dump me in a way that i can handle. like negotiating a payment plan.  to wean me off of you. and give me a pound of MJ too.

was reading city-data forums today. people in my region talking about getting a college degree and making 50k in their mid twenties. now im 30 and make 60k without a masters degree. i just had to have a good work ethic and work 70 to 80 hours a week for the first few years to pay my dues.

heh thing is, i dont want to work 80 hours a week to pay my dues.  would just as soon go crazy and quit!!!!!!!

why cant you jusy pay your dues at 40-50 hours a week?

how do people handle this?

i KNOW that having a qt waifu would help take the edge off, as would a steady source of MJ.

you can have another boifran, even a black one, just let me have my fantasy, dont talk about him, and hang out with me 1 or 2 times a week. and dont give me any diseases. and when you cut me off lets work out a cutting off PLAN.

i was doing a 3.2 mile powerwalk and about 1.5 miles from muh home I found, on the ground, a little canister for MMJ. horree sheet. it was broken and there was nothing in it OF COURSHE, but i just thought it was funny, considering muh obsession with getting a MMJ card and ultimately, a neverending supply of MMJ, and I would not throw my canisters on the side of the road like a negro.

maybe I should have Scraped the Canister for some Kief Krystals hahahahahahahahaha.

heh i dont necessarily think women would CHEAT on me with their male friends, but i WOULD totally worry that they, social butterflies that they are, always meeting interesting hot new guys, that they would find a guy that is better in the Mate Market than me, and then dump me for him.

i mean thats BETTER than CHEATING, but I really do HATE being DUMPED. replaced. traded in for an UPGRADE. really i cant imagine cheating being much worse. i mean the shit is probably gonna end anyway. might as well get as much time wiht the woman as you can.

yeah but she could give you a disease. and really cheating IS worse than dumping. why would you want to spend another minute with someone so immoral.

well maybe if someone cheats on you, its easier for you to HATE them, therefore easier to GET OVER them, because it’s much easier to BLAME them for doing smething OBVIOUSLY HORRIBLE. where dumping is not really horrible at all. you cant really HATE someone for dumping you. theyre not really WRONGING you. in the way that cheating is.

 

what a fooking dumb idiot slut. guy point blank tells her he doesnt like just secs without dating, she wants “just secs” from her “CRUSH” no less. I thought CRUSH meant you LIKED the person and wanted to DATE them. which is clearly what HE wants to do. i would like to think a 22 year old could be more mature than this. than a big slutty BABY.

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/

OH GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

sluts who fook chads and hate niceguys make fun of and mainly talk about how evil and rapey and creepy niceguys are, and how its so much better when chad nuts in their eye hahahahaha.

what i never got is, why do YOU LIKE treating people as a DOORMAT?

if someone were throwing themselves under my feet and wanting me to be a doormat, i mean it wouldnt even work, because IM NOT WILLING TO WALK ON ANOTHER PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN ORDER TO BE A DOORMAT, THE WOMAN HAS TO BE WILLING TO WALK ON YOU!!!!!!!

i would say listen, stop being a doormat, Im not gonna walk on you.

no im not the worst niceguy ever, but i have some niceguy tendencies, and i can sympathize with some niceguys.

I mean honestly i would never say these things, i stopped saying woe is me, nice guys finish last, yeaaarrrrrssssss ago, so i am thankful for that. but i am still a meek timid nice guy. i know GOD DAMN ALL TOO FOOKING WELL that it doesnt entitle me to anything and that it is THE SHITTIEST, WORST strategy ever, and that women HATE nice guys.

i mean i wish they didnt hahahahahahahaha. stupid bitches and whores hahahaha.

apparently referring to women as “females” is telltale nice guy, means you treat them as a separate, unknowable species. dead giveaway.

i mean i very rarely use this term, i just say women to mean the same thing, a seaparate, stupid, slutty, species hahahaha.

anyway yeah what made things difficult with That Woman is that i DID know her, it WASNT a fantasy, i got to know her, knew the real her for 2.7 years. its not like i just MET her and immediately projected my fantasy waifu all over her. (which i have done with other women.) when i first met That Woman I wasnt projecting ANYTHING on her. i didnt even really THINK about her that much.  i just said well she seems like a nice gurl with a hard life, she deserves a good man, but i just cant be that man. oh shes got a boifran? well hope hes a good guy and they get married. oh theyre having trouble? well i hope they figure it out. then i meet him. oh he is a good guy, just a little autistic and stubborn. they can still work this out if he wants to. he doesnt want to. he’s done. he’s gone now. now ive known her for almost 2 years. jeez maybe i DO want to be a Good Guy 4 U. and if shes just gonna give it away to negros, why not me? yeah thats a little ENTITLED sure, but i didnt really feel entitled to her Dating me, as much as i felt ENTITLED to her ending the Rel in a more Sensitive way hahahaha. i never called her a fooking bitch to her face like these nice guys do.

yeah i mean the nice guys are cringeworthy, but these WOMEN dont need to HATE them so much. I REALLY doubt any of these nice guys would be Monstrous Abusers. shit, they cant even get a woman TO abuse hahahahaha.

if anything, CHAD would be somewhat more likely to be an abuser, IMHO!!!!!

I mean at least half of Chads are Good Guys anyway. to coin a term in contrast to “nice guys.” so then what do we call ACTUALLY nice guys? i say we call them “good guys”. i mean shit i still call them “nice guys” but then bitches like this subreddit think im talking about the bad kind of nice guys.

but yeah if a guy starts throwing him at your feet and saying WALK ON ME! IM A DOORMAT!!! that doesnt mean you HAVE to do it! i would say, stand the hell up, i dont walk on anybody.

 

 

 

WORSE THAN BEING ABORTED: STILL ALIVE TO SUFFER

july 7

had interview today, 5 people grilling me, 1 hour and 20 minute interview, 40k job tho damn.

then went on linked in and switched my settings to anonymous mode so i could look at people from my old job. started feeling bad. like damn they can handle taking confusing angry phone calls all day, how come i cant? they found new jobs, the are able to think fast and act quick. oh 3 people from my company went over to this other company. I WONDER if thats where SHE went too. oh i wonder if shes fooking one of those guys then. or maybe she already fooked him and now they hate each other but still work together.

how come just the thought of answering those calls and dealing with those weird problems strikes fear into my heart? i wish i could be AS GOOD as her in the stupid competition of life. compete with her on HER terms and PROVE that I am at LEAST as good as her, can do the same kind of ridiculous work, make the same decent money.

and now she goes on and makes new friends and knows the people we worked with, longer than I knew her….which was a pretty long time. and I am stuck in the past. and she has moved past me, and I am just a faded memory in her past, that she has mostly forgotten.

next on the listening:

diocletian: gesundrian

proclamation: nether tombs of abbadon (terrible reviews, as their well of ideas has run dry and they are just going thru the blasphemous motions. but I sorta think the production sounds best on this one. and I figure each album will sound exactly the same, so production is VERY important here.)

i should be talking about this interview hehehe.

i figure, they interview 5 people, that means you START OFF at a 20% chance of getting the job. then depending on how you do, you go up or down. probably not more than 10% either way.

anyway it was me, and 5 managers, in a room for 1 hour and 20 minutes. 5 people making 25 bucks an hour to spend 90 minutes of Paid Time with ME hahahahaha.

ok did 5 mile walk, listened to those things. i just dont have great headphones. i have 10 dollar headphones when i should invest in some good 50 dollar headphones, but i just cant right now till i establish an income stream other than 2 dollars a week on mturk hahaha. i could only stand about 10 to 14 minutes of the proclamation. but its nice to come back to that noise for 14 minutes a day or so.

the diocletian sounded sorta like angel corpse but with some slow parts. great sound, again hurt by my headphones. great drum and guitar sound, great fast blasts, no triggers like some f4ggy death metal band hahaha.

i just hate sounding incompetent with a caller who wants me to fix a problem, because I AM incompetent, and i DONT know what I’m doing. and i hate that SHE was better at that in the long run than me.

and if you can stay good at that in the long run, you can actually advance in the stupid tech support field. become a tier 2, then a tier 3, then a manager, get jobs at increasingly better companies. you just gotta tough it out. and I couldn’t do it, and she COULD. AND she doesn’t CARE about ME, when I KNOW she once did. she was tough enough to do the job, and to KEEP doing the job a year later, but she wasnt courageous enough to SHOW CARE about ME. fooooooook.

i mean other women have been tougher and more competent than me. better at their jobs. doing tough jobs. cool under pressure. going gets tough, tough get going. other women have Bested me at that competition, but I didn’t care nearly AS much because they showed a lot more courtesy to me when they dumped me. they said sorry that I have to do this. and then went on to become hugely successful in their careers. just like THAT PERSON is going to be. I came CLOSE to looking her up on linkedin today. I thought she might work at this company several people from our company went to.

theres a difference between “taking the black pill” ie looking a unpleasant things, because you might learn a valuable lesson…….vs TORTURING yourself by COMPARING yourself to others unfavorably on linkedin. looking at all those fookin WINNERS on linkedin. or f4gbook or that matter. oh im so successful at muh career. i am not on the verge of a nervous breakdown and im getting MARRIED to a person I LUV and want to make babies with. we just had a baby. were having our second baby. chad just got promoted to Team Lead this year, which meant more money for our growing family. Stacy finished her masters degree in Talent Acquisition which resulted in a big pay raise for her too.

that fooking bullshit successful middle class normie STRIVERS talk about in their christmas card letters!!!!

so yeah. SOME blackpilling is ok, but I don’t think this comparing yourself is really helpful, nor is it legit blackpilling. its more digging yourself into a rut and putting yourself into a bad mood. better to just STOP, and just apply for another job, or go for a 5 mile walk and listen to EVIL raw black metal like blasphemy or proclamation hahahaha.

black lives matter hehehe how about MY life matters. I wanted MY life to matter to HER. not even in a tradwife luv sort of way, but just in GENERAL.  even before i fell in luv her life matter to me, and my life mattered to her. i just wished my life could have mattered to her at the END. rather than being murdered like an aborted child hahahaha.

now i know what that aborted child feels like with the silent scream, as it screams pleeeease mommy dont murder me, and then they get murdered anyway. and then you get to stay alive enough to be able to see that, and think about it for years hahahaha. and you wonder how could your own mother murder you hehehe.

so in a while its WORSE than being aborted! because you are still ALIVE TO SUFFER!!

at least the aborted baby has the privilege of not being able to suffer any more. they are put out of their misery!

july 8

foreveralone feels, an actual 30 year old wizard virgin with a youtube channel whoooooaaaaa

i mean he LOOKS like one! but he also doesnt look TOO bad, or irredemable. its sad.

instantly subscribed.

The “why are women fooked” question is actually really easy: because they don’t have to be good to pass on their genes. They just have to take a dick and keep the baby alive. The men have to slave, fight and die over who gets to keep them.

great quote from great trs thread on how bad women are hahaha

but yeah i might as well be a 30 year old virgin. i had secs 2 times with a gurl when i was 21………AND THEN NEVER EVER AGAIN hahahaha and now I am 30+.

its a really unique situation. there’s no manual for this. the wizards dont understand, the normie chads sure dont understand. i guess people can still advise you: be a stronger, better, man with purpose. then you can keep a woman from dumping you. easier said than done tho hahaha.

huge anti police shooting in dallas, its HAPPENING, 4-5 officers dead, wow, i mean i can honestly say stuff was NOT liek this when I was young. shit is objectively getting BAD.

i meditated on my desire to bang gurls up the ass and I figured it had to do with a desire to PUNISH them and cause them some pain. for not wanting anything to do with me, and also for Playing Around with the LIfe Creation Process so casually.

I was always kinda afraid of the Vag and Secs because I always understood THATS HOW BABIES ARE MADE. this is NOT a casual, fun process. if you want to have PURELY recreational secs, then do it up the ass like mexican sluts or f4gs. that’s the fookhole for people who REALLY dont want to have babies. and i dont want to have babies. babies are a BIG DEAL and Im not ready for that. so i dont want to treat the pvssy like some kind of casual funland.

and women are stupid and inferior for treating their OWN pvssies like that. theyre the ones who GET pregnant!!!! how can they NOT know this and need a man to mansplain it to them? because thats how women ARE. and I was like holy shit that sucks SO MUCH. How can I POSSIBLY respect or even LIKE women. they are DISGUSTING.

so hence the desire to bang them in the ass. to somewhat punish them, and also to show that I wanted to remove ALL chance of conception. well why not just use birth control.

because i’ve ALWAYS believe that BC is flawed. that its putting up an unnatural roadblock to something natural. and you just dont need to do that with the ass. because the ass is not MADE FOR REPRODUCTION. its made for expelling shit.

so yeah still its degenerate to want to put muh dick in an EXIT hole! I fully own and admit that. own muh degeneracy.

well its not like Im going out banging sluts in the ass, or watching porno of it! although I used to. but i havent looked at porno in….242 days.

the shit with the woman WENT DOWN 360 days ago. almost a year.

sent her the last email 326 days ago.

last got a haircut 101 days ago. and I am fully planning on getting a nice very short haircut TODAY.

later. got nice short level 1 haircut! very nice. do this more like every 2 months, not every 3 months. it was looking bad on the sides, like an unemployable loser neet wizard virgin. dont do this. i am scottish with spending money, but in this case, its WORTH THE MONEY. just spend the money and get a haircut every 2 months. they barber didnt even ask about muh JOB hahaha.

also now i look more masculine, like a real ross bay powerlifting black metal skinhead. i would also add 1433 to that, althought the ross bay cult is NOT associated with 1433. but they should really consider it! although the black guy in the band blasphemy hahahaha well i will give him a pass.

BUT really raw drunken satanic black metal is degenerate anyway, and degeneracy and 1433 is like OIL AND WATER.

so, switch all that drunken satan imagery with like Nationalistic War imagery. you can still have those kewl black and white drawings! just instead of goatz and sp00py skellys with goathorns, you can have like soldiers and fuhrers and gunz and tradfams and such.

being CONFUSED SUCKS. it kills your confidence and can lead to Chronic Stress.

also you feel like you are getting early onset dementia or alzheimers at age 35. WTF. that is very frustrating.

or was it just because you smoked too much MJ and drank too much alcohol before age 25? because ya sure did. sure screwed the pooch on that one. dicked the dog. fooked fido.

like worshiping satan and evil is stupid, immature, degenerate, and really doesnt make sense. being a 1433 whyte warrior makes TOTAL sense. 14 words make TOTAL sense. so express THAT in your music.

had stupid dream last night where I dreamed I was looking at pictures of HER, on facebook or instagram or whatever. i saw a photo of her from new years eve where she was kissing a black guy. i reacted with disgust and horror and anger, much like you would expect me to hahahaha. i make no apologies for not liking mudsharking, and I am ESPECIALLY offended when the woman I luv would rather fook and kiss blacks than have anything to do with ME. it really stings the pride knowing a black guy is better at getting the woman of your dreams than you are. and that the woman of your dreams would rather be with a black guy than you, ya racially-aware whyte man.

also IRL she did go out with a black guy but I never saw secsy pictures of that thank god. but the fact is, they were making out and FOOKING. she she suck his dick? most certainly. Did he blast jizz on her pretty face? maybe. did he fook her up the ass? maybe. did he fook her doggystyle and blast on her nice white ass? certainly. did he pound that pvssy with her fine white body pressed up against him while they made out and she sighed in Ecstasy? 100000% yes definitely. things I will never experience with her hehehehe.

And I have always like kissing and making out MORE than secs. it seems so pure and fun and innocent and safe and good. and secs seems so dirty and bad and pornographic and dangerous and bad. not because it is, but because the way the women treat it like its NOTHING. treat it with more reverence.

so I always LIKED making out and kissing more. it means a lot to me. I would have had a LOT of fun making out with her. I had a LOT of fun just making out with gurls. then they would get bored, want secs, and dump me when they correctly ascertained that I wanted a real rel.

i get dumped because i always want a RELATIONSHIP with women hahahaha what a MONSTER I am.

clingy and needy, always wanted a Relationship.

oh well there’s serious rels and then theres casual rels. why do I always want a serious rel?

because I am an OLD SCHOOL WHITE MAN, and I KNOW that sex cannot be treated CASUALLY!

so yeah not only do i think secs is intmate, i think KISSING is kinda intimate too! and i feel a lot more positively towards it than secs, ie its something i can actually enjoy, possibly because it doesnt make babies but still allows you to show affection for your bitch, like cuddling. and its much SAFER and lower RISK, and I think its super FUN and stress free, and I RESENT women for not liking it so much, or thinking its BORING.

if you think somethings boring, YOUR BORING hahahahahahaha.

if you’re BORED, YOURE BORING.

uncle bern might have clued me into that saying.

oh lord their are LATVIANS speaking LATVIAN in the poker room hahahaha.

this is really interesting. yes i luv latvians, they are white as hell. or are they finngolian hahaha. latvians are classic joohaters and ovened 6 gorillion joos in riga in 1943.

 

 

REMAINS OF A LOST DEAD CURSED RUINED SOUL

june 17

met with recruiter. he was no older than 24 years old and had a Portfolio Binder proudly displaying his Alma Mater, which was the Main Rival of My Alma Mater. We called them Idiot Jock Meathead Racists who would be working for US, they called us sissy stuckup snob autist phaggot nerds who don’t know how to pull pvssy. there was no mention of alma maters hahaha. the young man was very nice and had good People Skills and Communication Skills. I explained to him that I was “intentionally looking to move in a different direction than an inbound call center role” had he said “I understand” hahahaha.

they want 1 or 2 MORE references from THAT place. they want 3 references from the last 3 years. I said YESH OF COURSHE I’ll give you some more references from the tech call center. so now I gotta do that. like it’s pretty clear they are gonna call them. maybe they will be like, i am sick of giving references for this asshole, why doesn’t he just get a JOB already, fook it, plus I’m already giving references 8 hours a day for all the people we laid off while also looking for a new job myself because I am laid off, lets let this one slide, besides, he left 11 months ago, why didn’t he just take that job at the healthcare tech call center a few months ago like alot of our people did. what is he holding out for the perfect dream job? he hasnt paid his dues yet! just look at his resume! look at his age!

Thank you for applying for the position of Administrative Program Assistant with the cityname. At this time, your application was rejected, as your submission does not meet the minimum qualifications as listed in our job description and advertisement.

OH WOW what a bunch of assholes. that is the most dick asshole bitch rejection email I have gotten yet! its basically saying YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO READ and YOU ARE LESS THAN THE MINIMUM.  if i had thinner skin I would maybe take that personally hahahaha. i have received MUCH more polite rejection emails than that. usually saying thank you for your interest and don’t get discouraged.

i was driving around afterwards in this very unfamiliar part of town cuz i kinda like that “field trip” exploration aspect of exploring unknown areas sort of near my home, and i approached a roundabout with a bike path. Like an asshole I advanced into the bike path. I saw a guy coming on his bike so i said oh shit and backed up to try to get out of the bike path. i was not fast enough and he slammed on his bike brakes and almost fell off his bike. it was a light skinned black man who did not look thuggish. I backed out of the way and said SORRY IM SORRY out the window to him. then I very sheepishly got the hell out of there. he did not fall off the bike but it looked like he was having trouble with the brakes of the bike. i just got the hell out of there at that point, muttering SORRY SORRY SORRY. I might be a huhwhyte supremist, but I don’t want to cause blacks to be thrown from their bikes because I don’t know how to Share The Road. plus I am not great with New Roundabouts, which this was.

anyway I felt bad, he seemed like one of the decent blacks, and I didnt want to hurt him or damage his nice looking bike.

then i took my field trip into J00land, driving down a street that had a lot of J stuff: yeshiva, Joo senior living, jooish apartments, I even saw what looked like an orthodox jooish woman driving a crappy old minivan with a hebrew bumper sticker. I thought hmm I thought no joo would be caught dead driving such a shitty car, but I guess these orthodoxes arent as filthy rich. Also this area in general has a lot of blacks too, so I can’t imagine joos wanting to live around here. so there has been some jewish flight, but there is plenty of j00ish infrastructure here from a generation or two ago. synagogues and schools and such. including one bigass temple that has lotsa joos probably coming from a few miles north where the housing and pubskools are a lot nicer.

but yeah da joos moved out to nicer place where there is a fancy jooish community center. I should check that out some day.

the one thing I like about da j00s is they have a very strong community. stuff like joo camps for kids with Leadership Training programs, where the kids are basically shown how to Lead and Succeed in life. then they succeed, make lots of money, and give back to the JCC. you basically have a real presence of very rich and successful professionals who are also very socially active in the community centers, and with the youf and teens. to help them get into good Colleges, and to Design very very viable Career Paths, get good internships, get good jobs, build good resumes, and steer them the right way when they go astray. stop smoking that MJ yitzak, that is for the shvartzes. Here, get a summer job with cousin moishe and make 15 dollars an hour and he will write you a great recommendation letter to get into harvard business school hahahaha.  and you can drink manischevitz with him after work if you want and molest children at the JCC hahahahahaha these fookin abominable perverts hahaha.

i GUARANTEE there is some child molesting at these place, probably at a higher rate that what goes on in the catholic church for example.

in fact i recall hearing a news story a few years ago where a camp counselor at this fancy JCC was arrested for child pornography hehehehe. but i dont think it was of actual children at that JCC.

I am a SUCKER for children, I don’t think even the children of inferior races should be hurt in any way!

horry sheet, looks like millennial woes is speaking at npi 2016 in november in dc. that is, they are flying his neet ass over from scotland to come to the us, and if I went to NPI, I could probably meet him hahahaha. there will probably be a couple of TRS guys there too.

250 bucks to get in with “MILLENNIAL PRICE” 100 for people under 30. check your millennial privlege reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

well i hope this doesnt soften MW. it would be nice to meet him tho.

it would be just plain nice to go to NPI, its prob the biggest Alt Right Event. i mean yeah they let nonwhites in, and ramzpaul slobbers all over “khazar milkers” of ratface J’s, and jack donovan fooks men like women, and they band matthew heimbach because he’s anti-gay, and allow roosh to come in and patronize them hahahaha.

but they still have kmac and woesy and f roger devlin, having henrik and lana again, they are good people. makes you want to get your own tradwaifu and start your own pro-white media empire hahaha. well i dont trust lana entirely, i am not really jealous of henrik, she seems like she could get really annoying hahahaha. so he can have his beautiful blond wife to have babies with hahaha.

lotta inside baseball, either you know these people or you dont. i would like to see basicalyl everyone from TRS, and also andrew anglin and weev. not sure if richard spencer gets along with them. probably not. its hard to keep track of who hates who hahaha.

basically i want there to be a TRS conference hehehe. and or daily stormer.

it costs 900 dollars a month to keep the TRS server running ahahaha.

hehehe got up at 7 am so i am a little tired hahaha. but it is a beautiful day, 88 degrees, perfect temperature hehehe. sunny. want to get some sun, vitamin d, gives you better health and confidence.

unbelievable. i REALLY triggered the host of the fatherland with my 25 cent donation hahaha. he could not have taken that a worse way. he thinks it is either insulting trolling, or, assuming that i am in good faith, which I am, that uhhhh i shouldnt even bother hehehe. THANKS. that feel when you want to join a group but they dont want a loser like you as a member hahahaha. becuase i couldnt donate 20 dollars like the one guy. he was gonna mention first names but he didnt because his internet was not working, but it sounds like he might mention first names later in the show. good lord. this is embarrassing. and he might mention me next week when he finds out i upgraded to 50 cents, and then bitch about THAT being not good enough either hehehe.

i mean yeah I probably COULD afford more but i don’t feel comfortable giving more because uhhhh no income at the moment. maybe he is implying that if this is all can afford to give….then maybe I’d be better off just saving the money for myself hahaha.

WELL FINE I just cancelled my monthly donation because I cant handle the BANTZ of the successful winner normie white fathers. cmon guys i just wanted to be like you hahahaha.

well to their credit it was mainly jim who was really triggered, the other guys didnt seem to care.

maybe this is a sign saying LOSERS DONT DESERVE TO FIND A GOOD WIFE AND REPRODUCE.

what about reproduce with a bad wife, hahahaha.

obviously what we need is a neetcast, this is a slap in the face of neets who want to become normie husbands and fathers, but are having trouble winning that struggle. achieving the success you need to attract a decent wife, and have children. the healthy happy normie dads wont let me in their group, im too much of a neet loser for them, so maybe i better just try hanging out with other losers hahaha.

of course im overreacting, just as jim was overreacting, and even he probably doesnt really CARE, he’s got better things to worry about. but if he doesn’t want my money then FINE hahaha I cancelled it. I will still send anonymously with btc then.

this is the trouble when dealing with fascists hahaha. i like fascists but they do not like me because i do not represent EXCELLENCE. fascists dont like losers in other words. heh.

but yeah i am not THAT butthurt….but I really dont want jim to mention even my FIRST name, and then start harping and moaning again. fine you dont want the money, i wont give it to you then hahaha.

he’s a good guy, but he is the type to get rustled by such a stupid thing!

maybe this obsession with having children and being a father is just a temporary phase that I will grow out of in a few years hahahaha.

that would be kinda sad though. i dont want to be an antinatalist loser the rest of muh life!

i was already rejected brutally by the woman i wanted to have 14 children with! jeez JIM! cant you be NICER when rejecting my DNATION hahaha.

so i am the RIFFRAFF who they dont really want as a member of such an EXCLUSIVE movement.

there was a young man in a TRS helicopter shirt spotted on some local tv news footage at a trump rally in texas. a handsome, young, fit looking winner. exactly the type of guy TRS wants representing. I mean I agree as well. but I dont personally live up to that standard!

but again this is just bantz i suppose. there are some neets on trs. but probably not a lot listen to the fatherland!

so yeah in a few weeks i wont even care and no one will remember hehe. i just hope he doesnt mention my name in this episode or the next episode. even if he does, i will blush and feel horribly embarrassed or maybe fast forward to the end of him bitching and kvetching about it, then continue to enjoy the show.

i just wanted so show a token of support to something good, give a TIP rather than take something for FREE.

i mean there are successful people in the movement who can afford to give good dnations. not like super upper middle class, but solid middle middle class. engineers and scientists who make 70 grand a year and can afford to live in a white neighborhood and have white children and attract a decent wife hahaha.

but that definitely aint me babe!

took some nyquil.

did nice powerwalk and still 191 calories over for the day. i had a massive appetite all day and could have easily eaten more.  but thankfully right now I am not starving or even hungry really. because in order to lose weight you have to be at least somewhat hungry at all times hahahaha.

but yeah, women dont like losers, so if you get dumped, and you’re a loser, then arent you the cause of the dumping, because if you werent a loser, she would have like you and not dumped you? jeez. sucks being a loser and KNOWING it and feeling unable to really DO anything about it. you can’t live out the 14 words so you try to show support for groups who DO live out the 14 words and they don’t want your support because its too meager because youre too much of a loser. same reason you can’t live out the 14 words yourself because you can’t attract a wife….because you’re a loser hahahaha.

hehehehehe. oy vey those are some confidence-crushing negative thoughts of despair!!!!

june 18

mmmmaybe she was OUT OF MUH LEAGUE. because in my mind my league is liek the absolutely worst and “circus ugly” women…..although my standards are way too high. i mean my standards ARE too high and I should lower them.

for a while I thought I was lowering my standards by going for HER, because she was kinda in a lower league than the previous woman, because she had no real father, is borderline white trash, etc. but then i determined she was still a nice dateable gurl. the important thing was that she had not been with too many guys and was still kinda innocent and cautious.

now im thinking SHE was still out of my league and i have to lower the standards MORE. basically to someone who HAS been with a lot of guys, is closer to 30 than 25, is a single mother.

im like oh fook i really dont want to do that……but what the hell do I have to offer a woman anyway? not much. I am unsuccessful, old, weak, omega. I havent PROVEN myself. I dont DESERVE a good woman.

Mrs Wikernes says regarding women, at 20 they have their pick, at 30 they’re on sale, at 40 they have to take what they can get, and at 50 no-one wants you.

maybe i should aim for 40 year olds hahahaha.

but i hate lowering my standards. its kinda funny that i still have standards. i know logically I shouldnt have standards, because I’m not worth much on The Market. yet STILL I want an attractive woman, a 25 year old woman, a low-number woman, a woman with morals and a good family, etc.

interesting black metal / old school / thrash band i recently discovered because sammy duet was wearing a tshirt of them and I could see how he, and probably I, could like them. just old school japanese wild men who kept it pretty raw but also werent afraid to think outside of the box. and all the stuff is about evil and satan, bla bla bla.

catchy riffs, headbanging parts, but also lots of melodic sorrowful parts with weeping guitars. and this is from 1995, when stuff like this was truly underground.

so yeah thank u sammy for wearing that sabbat shirt hahaha. and there is also the english sabbat to make things more confusing, and they are probably more well known. maybe.

heh. when i find music or something that is Really Awesome and gives me Good Feels, I want to SHARE it with Someone Special, like That Woman. like oh lets cuddle and rock out to SABBAT together hahahaha yeah right. yeah obviously women who like metal are fooked up sluts you want to stay away from. i am speaking more generally, in terms of sharing your interests with somebody because you like them, and they indulge you because they like you too, and maybe come to a deeper understanding and appreciation of you. hopefully hahahaha. just simple honest good faith SHARING.

watching recent goathwore live vidyas doesnt hurt at all. re my ben haterade. ben is clearly a decent guy. they clearly put on a ridiculously good show. it sounds rawer and the vocals arent super loud. everyone is having a great time and it is very high energy. i should really go see them again. they tour enough. i always have a clear mental image of sammy, except now he has longer hair and more degenerate satan tattoos hahahaha. i would always make a point of standing near sammy to burn that image into my mind cuz he is muh riffmaster.

I do like that Ben seems charming and polite and gracious rather than a fooking dick or a little bitch. he luvs the fans and the fans luv him and they give it back and forth.

also i listened to “carving out the eyes of god”, their 4th album, which I never really listened to. it was kinda their big breakout (2009?) and I couldnt into it any more. my hate was at its peak hahaha. I hope I didnt think they sold out because now they were generally not as many blast beats. and now there are solos. and the first song was the catchiest song they had ever written and made them some actual money.

anyway i can see clearly now they didnt SELL OUT. i was just not personally ready to meet that album where the band was at. now I am. they clearly did not sell out! also the vocals are mixed very well, not too loud, he even seems to take my suggestions and not say this as much and to not have a constant stream of lyrics. in the live setting you see him doing air guitar to sammys riffs, AS YOU SHOULD hahahaha. respect the riff master.

also the production is very good, heavy yet clear. drums sound great. lets give this new drummer a CHANCE eh? give him some time to get more comfortable.

so yeah. carving is also a great album, 4 for 4 great albums at this point, im sorry i didnt listen to it in 2009 but i just wasnt ready. you can’t FORCE these things. so I dont feel TOO bad hahaha.  but I am glad and thankful that I came back to it 7 years later!

also sammy started playing solos on this album and maybe i saw that as “selling out”? I hope not. now its clearly a very natural thing to do. it adds to the song, never feels forced, keeps ben from singing too much, allows sammy to shine in a different way, adds to the atmosphere of the song, and seems like they were always there. so, good move on the solos, and I don’t think they ever stopped.

so yeah mainly i am thankful i moved out of my goathwore/ben hate stage and can be just a little more reasonable about it all, and get caught up on the 3 or 4 albums I missed.

but i still wish I could Share my fun discovery with somebody special, namely that woman hahaha. she was not a huge metal fan and I wouldnt want her to be, but she was open to some metal and I could probably get her to like a gw song, and that would be enough for me. like i say, if gurls like TOO MUCH metal, thats weird. but I like it when they like you enough to begin to appreciate your tastes and you gradually mold them without even realizing it hehehe. not that I ever really had that happen. but she used to be so nice and friendly to me, and think I was so smart and cool. that was great for the ego!

until I started liking her and turned into a weak omega, then she was disgusted by me.

come on! i was still the same person she once thought was so cool! why couldnt she see that! because women hate weakness, period, AS THEY SHOULD. so ALL women are like that? OF COURSHE! but it doesnt mean all women SHOULD be so MEAN about it hahaha.

women who were out of my league who didnt want to be more than just friend have been a lot nicer to me when they rejected me. in other words, not all women will always use The Silent Treatment.

and she wasnt using the silent treatment because she was bad or evil or WANTED to hurt me….she had a lot going on in her life and just didnt know how to deal with it all. unfortunately for me the silent treatment was EXTREMELY PAINFUL. For Me. hahahaha.

ok gonna officially try to give an honest listen to that sabbat album. i havent seen such stellar reviews in a long time hehe.

well i was listening to it when muh shitty earbuds died on the left side and then music became unlistenable.

DF FORUMS POST

Yikes, just seeing the phrase “call center” strikes fear into my heart! I too am part of that dubious club. Not anymore however, and hopefully never again! And I had pretty good callers compared to the average, I think. This was technical support for a large company. While thankfully my callers were usually pretty nice and understanding, thank goodness, I was still filled with anxiety and always felt a “knot of dread” in my stomach, because the technical issues we had to deal with and their “solutions” were so confusing and complicated, and you never knew if the next call was going to be simple or ridiculously complex.

It was like taking an exam in a hard math or science class, where all the problems were hard word problems, and you had the world’s worst “teacher”, and people were hovering over you demanding you to explain yourself every step of the way, and there are no lectures or teaching, only exams. It is a terribly stressful feeling to be so confused all the time. Someone is calling you and they are frustrated and anxious and you have to fix their problem……but you have NO IDEA what they’re talking about!!! “It’s my JOB to fix this?!?!?! I don’t even know what they’re talking about!!! Help me!!!!” there was the sense of drowning, as you madly thrashed in a violent sea. You just wanted a more experienced, confident person to swoop in and save you, and show you what to do.

We had some help from higher tiers, but it was all through a chat room where we had to attempt to describe technical issues we didn’t really understand, and then attempt to implement advice we didn’t understand, while trying to explain things we didn’t understand. It is nerve wracking to try to explain things you don’t understand. It’s your job to be the expert and fix things, but you know even LESS than the person CALLING you! They might have more luck trying to fix the problem themselves! But you just have to think THAT quickly, that you can attempt to fix something you have no mental concept of, for a person who has at least SOME mental concept of it! It was really like the blind leading the blind. The curtain was pulled back and the great and power Oz was revealed just to be a call center of chattering monkeys with computers and headsets, hahaha.

Yes there was an emphasis on metrics and handle times. Sometimes we would be DESPERATE to escalate because we CLEARLY had no idea what was going on, and were practically BEGGING for permission to escalate, just so someone with more experience could take a look at this, and not grasp at straws, or at least look more intelligent than us. It’s frustrating to be made to feel dumb when you sort of know you’re NOT dumb….or are you? I mean you have no idea how to do your job! Maybe you are dumb! (No, not you personally, I am just repeating the inner monologue I had every day!)

Some things that would have helped us are: REGULAR TRAINING. I would have loved to have an hour long training meeting once a week just to TALK to people, just to have experienced people make sure we understood current issues, kind of like a teacher teaching a class, discussing the material, before putting us on the phones. But taking a large group of people off the phones for an hour would be unthinkable, there are calls that need to be answered and handled ham-handedly!

Also having a rule like “if your call is going over 20 minutes and you are getting stuck, you have blanket permission to escalate, and don’t have to beg like a peasant and struggle for an hour looking like an imbecile”, that would be good….

Or having level 2 and 3 people get some MANDATORY time on the phones each week, so they can stay humble.

Or have real flesh and blood people walk around and help people who need help, rather than reduce this to a darn chat room. (They used to have flesh and blood people, but of course those were cut, to cut costs, and we switched to the stupid chat room.)

Oh dear I get flashbacks just thinking of the stupid headset, and the stupid red bubble that would pop up when too many calls were holding in the queue: “QUEUE HAS EXCEEDED ITS MAXIMUM SERVICE LEVEL”

My place was above average in terms of nice callers, and nice coworkers, and nice managers, and I managed to survive much longer than I thought I would (1 year, hehehe), and started developing actual knowledge and confidence and competence…..but I also worked with my friend who I had fallen in love with (another sob story, hahaha) and the stress of that situation and the general stress of the job combined and I just snapped and broke down. I quit the job but asked for a “leave of absence to take care of personal issues”….and then I never went back, and I don’t think I COULD go back to ANY call center, hahaha.

It took me forever to get over the stupid painful drama with the female friend, and it has taken even longer to find a new job. Funny thing is, I have tons of recruiters contacting me offering jobs in call centers. My point here is, a call center job might be the easiest job in the world to get, and is somewhat attractive with decent wage. And they will hire just about anybody with a pulse. Which I think is weird, because you have to be QUICK and SMART and SHARP in order not to sink when they throw you in the deep end. And it seems like it would not be cost effective to hire 20 new people when you KNOW that 10 of them are not gonna make it. How is this more cost-effective than simply investing more money in TRAINING?

hehehe, I would get frustrated even just trying to think of explanations from things from a cost perspective. What the hell is the management THINKING? I would think. Doesn’t it cost you MORE in the long run to put a band-aid on issues and give callers the runaround? Won’t they just call back AGAIN later? Why NOT spend a little more time to solve issues at their root?

And just the fact that you NEVER knew what the next call was going to hold, and you could NEVER take a break from that ringing phone.

The Quality Team “checking in” on you when your call went over x minutes, or when you have been in “after call mode” too long.

Our place would offer overtime hours but I would always AVOID it because I thought “I would not answer phones for another hour even if you paid me $XY dollars an hour.”

Many times I thought I would love to take a 30, 40% pay cut just for some time off the phones. Something less stressful. Let me clean the world’s filthiest toilets for a couple hours. But that was just wishful thinking, hahaha.

Anyway I am glad to be out of that environment but your post brought me back down memory lane, hahahaha.

I would not fault you at all for resigning from the job. I would get so stressed out, I could not eat, could not get to sleep thinking about all the crazy stuff that might happen tomorrow, have dreams about the job, wake up in the middle of the night with your mind racing about crazy nonsensical technical things that could happen, have stomach aches and nausea before going in, etc etc.

You have to have NERVES OF STEEL to do well in a call center over the long-term. As soon as I started having some problems in my personal life, the whole house of cards collapsed. I couldn’t deal with my job, I couldn’t deal with my life, I couldn’t deal with anything, I just broke down like a helpless baby.

And you SO calling you “lazy”, wow I would be upset about that! Try not to let that affect you. I know easier said than done. Have they ever worked in a call center before? I believe it’s impossible to understand unless you’ve been in that seat, worn that headset, taken inbound calls for 8+ hours a day, every day, every week, every month. Taking CALLS. Good Lord hahaha. Never again!!!!!!!!!!

Bless all the people who can do this and haven’t gone completely insane yet and can still manage to keep it together!!!!!

OK rant over. But this is a GREAT topic for a rant!!!!

Anyone other lost souls of call center purgatory/hell out there have some rants to share, please do!

And OP please keep us updated on things!!!!

END POST

that was my post i mean hahaha. OP was worried sick about their call center job.

 

NOT EVERYONE YOU FOOK IS AS FOOKED-UP AS YOU ARE, YA FOOKED-UP B!TCH!

may 23

nile festivals of atonement. I wish they still sounded like this. traded the piling of riffs for something a little more coherent and song-like. and hey they still had some Fast Blast Beats. I am not sure why they seemed to have discarded this part of their Identity in favor of Weird Riffs and Incomprehensible songs. but did they really DISCARD it? no not really. they just added more crazy riffs.

hehe. received rejection letter for part time city job which I took 2 tests for and had an interview for but which I wasn’t sure if I were interviewing for the PT job, or for a damn eligibility list. i dont even know if THEY know. All I know is that they sent me an email rejecting me for the PT job that I didn’t think I was REALLY interviewing for anyway.

BUT I still have an interview NEXT week for the FT job with the same people!!!!!! I am just a little confused hahaha.

had a few days to Sleep On that Water Billing Complaining Negroes job. Still leaning towards no, but I would be leaning towards yes if it were only 12 miles away instead of 24 hahahaha.  or if i knew how much it paid hahaha.

Personal Experience Study
For this study, please take a minute or two to recall a particular incident in which you had power over another individual or individuals. By power, we mean a situation in which you controlled the ability of another person or persons to get something they wanted, or were in a position to evaluate those individuals. Describe the situation in which you had power -what happened, how you felt, etc.

I have done a similar task in the past week asking about a situation of power, but I’m not sure it was this same task. I will answer pretty much the same way. I generally feel very powerless in most if not all situations, in that I am at other people’s mercy. I have never really had supervisory or managerial power over other employees, and I am a bit frustrated at my lack of power. I am not a power-hungry person, but I feel that by a certain age in your life, it is a reflection of personal success, hard work, and intelligence, to have risen to a position of SOME power over younger or less experienced people, and I do not have that. I suppose there could be a less-authoritarian sense of power if you are the Leader of a group, and I don’t really have that.  In social situations however, I don’t feel like I am being coerced, and that I do have a sense of equality, equal footing, that my opinion matters as much as my friends, there is a sense of democracy and autonomy on my part. However there is no power OVER anyone, simply, all of us have the same amount of power and autonomy.

then it showed me a video on how to open a bottle of wine. I already kinda knew how but I never had anybody EXPLAIN it to me. I appreciate having things explained so I feel like I am learning Best Practices and not some damn Feral Child.

I think of the obscene, pornographic things that go through my mind sometime, like saying to a woman, “IS THAT A FAT ASS THAT WANTS TO GET FOOKED! OH YEAH. NICE FOOKABLE LITTLE ASS ON THAT WH0RE. U WANNA HARD C0K TO FILL UP THAT FOOKABLE FAT ASS U LITTLE BUTT SLUT??!?!?!?!” and then I think of some OTHER man saying it to THAT WOMAN and her saying OH YEAH and bending over like a dirty butt slut.

it is not a good line of thought hahaha.

I have a tendency to “hoard” a little bit in that I have trouble throwing things away and occasionally clutter can build up. I would put the pen into “storage” IE somewhere in a box where I might forget about it. If I ever came across it years later, then I probably wouldn’t have such an emotional attachment and I’d be able to throw it away easily. An important teacher is a valuable thing, but do I still have an ongoing relationship with the teacher? Has he directly helped me in some concrete way, or did I have an actual close relationship with the teacher? Did I go to office hours, get to know him, him get to know me, talk about our careers, get career advice? Did he write me a letter of recommendation or help me get a job? Or did I just go to his class and think he was a really good teacher? The closer the relationship, the harder it would be to get rid of the pen.

another

I have struggled throughout my adult life with my perceptions of women. When I was in college, I considered myself a feminist and was convinced men and women were the same, and that gender differences were completely socially constructed. As I grew older and got out of the university, I couldn’t avoid the glaring differences between men and women any more, and my perspective gradually changed. Now I am completely anti-feminist and I believe in appreciating and understanding the natural differences between men and women. I don’t think we should try to make men and women completely alike. We should respect our differences and see each other as complementary, not exactly the same. In educated, professional company, my true views would certainly be viewed as “sexist”, and I have come to accept that I probably AM a “sexist.” However I am no longer personally ashamed of it, as I have come to believe that the real world is sexist, fundamentally, and it’s improper of humans to try to “fix” this. Feminism is a very Marxist approach to force absolutely equality in which absolutely equality is not a healthy, desirable outcome, and I believe the tensions between men and women today are a result of trying to “uplift” women into roles that they are really not happy with, despite all the media and educational push to have more female CEO’s and executives, more women in STEM, women coding academies, and all that. I think the “wage gap” is largely a myth and is a result of women’s personal preferences and choices. I would prefer to see women focus less on career and competing with men, and more of women focusing on home and children. I have the greatest respect for women and it saddens me to see the modern world encouraging women, in the name of seemingly good things like freedom and equality, to do things that in the long run, will make women (and men!) unhappy and disengaged. I hope this progressive zeitgeist is just an anomalous blip in our history, and that the pendulum will swing back to more traditional gender roles. In short, I believe traditional gender roles reflect reality MUCH better than the absolutely gender equality promoted by feminists.

Please feel to contact me through MTurk if you would like to discuss further. This is a topic I am very passionate about, but it certainly stands in stark contrast to attitudes that are prevalent in the university, and which you yourselves will probably find backwards and appalling. This is why I am very careful who and when I express these opinions to, and I would not share them if there were not anonymity and confidentiality in this study. You have probably heard of “Mens Rights Adovcates” or MRA’s, who I’m sure you have a very negative opinion of, but I would also point to the “Alt Right”, r/K selection, and some evolutionary psychology as a theoretical foundation which makes a case for more traditional gender roles.

another

This is somewhat related to the excitement dimension. I imagine excitement and curiosity go hand in hand. I am not terribly curious about much either. I feel my natural curiosity has gone down since I was a child. This might have to do with depression as well. I might be tired of searching for answers and results, and I just want answers and results already. I used to be interested in abstract thought and considering many different possibilities. Now I get overwhelmed and anxious when confronted with open-ended, complex problems. I feel very indecisive and I feel like it’s very difficult to learn new things, figure things out, and make decisions.

hey now I am getting paid 10 cents for my navel gazing!!!!!!!!

I have NOT done this exact same study, but I have done other studies recently in The bla bla Lab, having to do with political attitudes. Not sure what the study was about. I am much more “racially aware” than average white people and I feel a strong ingroup identity with whites. This is controversial and would probably be viewed as racist, so I don’t go around talking about these things publicly. I think racial identity is important and this is one of the reasons I do not personally support interracial mating. I think it is unfair to the child, who is torn between two worlds and two races. Certainly Yusef probably felt conflicted in his racial identity. Also see cases like Elliott Rodger, who was an Asian-White mix and did the Santa Barbara shootings about 2 years ago. Also we don’t know for sure that Yusef was half white. We don’t know much about his mother other than her name is Green? She could be African-American or maybe racially mixed herself.
I am generally against a multicultural society. I think the more groups we try to include, the more conflict. The melting pot is a nice ideal, but it doesn’t work in practice. I am probably anti-democratic and somewhat fascistic even. I would gladly give up my own right to vote to live in a more stable, monocultural, traditional society. I don’t hate people of other races, but I do put my own race first, and I think the more homogeneous a society is, the more peaceful and stable it will be. Diversity always leads to conflict.
My views could probably be labeled “Alt Right” or nationalistic. Detractors would call these views fascist or racist, and they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. I get along with people of all races but in general I believe there is too much ethnic and cultural diversity in the Western world. I would like to see the US be more like Poland or Hungary in terms of being more resistant to diversity and multiculturalism.
I would be happy to discuss further with the researchers and would love to have dissenting viewpoints like mine discussed in academic studies. I’m not sure if I represent a “silent majority” but I think the rise of Trump is tapping into very real thoughts and feelings of many people, which academics, the media, the government should take seriously, rather than write us off as bitter clingers, gun-toting white Christian rednecks in flyover country, etc. I do think there is plenty of accuracy in stereotypes, but I would not describe “us” as “bitter.”
Also I am somewhat concerned how my controversial political and racial opinions might be influenced by my own lack of success in life and career. Maybe this is all a way of acting-out in reaction to my own sense of powerlessness, so I am adopting a victim status, and being seduced by a charismatic leader.
This probably has something to do with it, but I think more of it simply had to do with me getting older and trying to compete in a competitive world.

went for nice 70 minute walk like a b0ss. hopefully got some vitamin D.

may 24

You have completed the main part of the survey. Before finishing we have an additional request for you which is unrelated to the rest of this survey.

As you probably know, the percentage of voters in the United States presidential elections is relatively low. In 2012 only 55% of the voting age population casted a vote for a president. What could the government do to promote voting in the next presidential elections?

You can write as many ideas as you like. When you are done click ‘next’ to continue.:::::
I am a bit of an outlier here. I am not sure the government should do anything to increase voting. I have my doubts about democracy as a system. I think the vote should be restricted to to married people over age 25, who have children, who work full-time, possibly who own their own home. I think voting is a major responsibility that not every person about 18 is really qualified to do. At the very least I would put a higher age limit on voting, like age 25 as opposed to age 18. My political views changed drastically between 18 and 25.

I am unsure people have the maturity and long-term decision-making skills to choose what is best for the nation. I think many people will choose what is best for their individual short-term interest, and the cumulative impact of all these decisions do not promote long-term stability, security and progress of the nation as a whole. Voters can be easily seduced and influenced by opportunistic politicians. Therefore I would like to see voter turnout reduced by at least 50%, with the restrictions I mentioned above. Also, since we have such lax standards on voting, and so few people are STILL turning out to vote, I think that is a self-selection process which is probably a good thing, in other words, I probably wouldn’t want those people voting anyway.

I would be very willing to restrict my own right to vote, especially since I don’t meet all the criteria I specified above. I believe that voting is a very powerful right that should come with more serious responsibilities than it does. I don’t think the voting age should have been lowered to 18. I might even restrict voting for unmarried young women, as detailed above, and have each family vote as one, rather than each person casting one vote.

I am somewhat concerned with well-qualified voters who are underconfident in their qualifications and thus stay home and do not vote….but this is probably a minority of the people who choose not to vote anyway, and can probably be safely ignored.

I am happy to discuss these rather controversial views at greater length if interested. Please contact me through MTurk if interested. Good luck with your study!

Ideally I would like to be employed full time and making a living wage. Right now I am minimizing expenses by living with family and relying too much on my emergency fund, but I am admittedly at a relative low point of my life and would really like to pull myself out of it. I also have a history of depression and anxiety which makes coping with the normal problems of life very challenging, and which has contributed to a vicious cycle of struggle, failure, and underachievement.

good times hahahah.

In the space below, please write about your life story, as if you’re the hero of your life story.

I do not feel very heroic at the moment unfortunately. I am at a low point of my life as I struggle to find new employment and overcome feelings of personal and professional rejection and very low self-confidence. I feel like a weird outsider who is incapable of doing the bare minimum of life. I am at least getting invitations to job interviews and I am gradually showing more confidence there, but I have not received any job offers yet.

I had a pretty normal childhood with a supportive, loving family. I did well in high school and went to a well-known university. At that point I started going downhill and developing bad attitudes and habits. I graduated with a useless social science degree and a very bad attitude. Ever since then I have struggled massively with the basics of life. I have not established any kind of career trajectory and bounce around from entry level job to entry level job. I am ashamed to talk about my education, that it will make me look like a failure, that I startd out so promising, and did not live up to my potential.

It is also very important to me to have a marriage-like relationship with a woman and have a family someday. I have not even come close to that. I would have liked to have been married by age 27 at the latest, but at age 3x, I am single, lonely, not interested in anyone, and taking a very long time to get over a somewhat recent heartbreak.

I am trying to get a job that does not involve being on the phone with customers more than 50% of the time. I can deal with customers, but to deal with a constantly ringing phone and nonstop phone calls as in a call center, I had a very bad experience with that and I don’t want to return to a job like that.

i was watching law and order with jerry orbach and benjamin bratt and there is a thing where some boys had their initials spell out KILLALLK!KES hahahahahahahahaha and I thought that was pretty kewl.

i mean, i thought it was abhorrent and i am sure this antisemite will go to prison and get pounded in the 4ss hahaha.

mccoy? i thought sam waterston was a j00 hahaha. hmm not j00ish at ALL. english and scottish. well good for him. I am disappointed my radar was off tho. Imean he has bushy eyebrows, beady eyes, and a big nose. oh well. nothing inherently wrong with busy eyebrows .

 

MECHANICAL SARACEN

may 18

had a weird scary dream, technically nightmare, where one of my old school friends had gone completely insane and was K’ing people with a knife, and he had taken me hostage, and I wondered if I could leverage his appreciation of me to let me live, let me go free, or if he was gonna go all the way and K me and K himself hahaha. great dream hahahaha. but at least it didnt involve That Woman at all.

ok today have to Do Due Diligence Research on the County Department so I have intelligent questions to ask when I go in there TOMORROW. yikes. how corrupt is your department. how often do you shut down the average little guy, while taking bribes from oil rich arabs hahahaha. let them take a stinky hummus dump on your daughterz face. hahaha. selling bonds to the chicoms. forcing nonrich whites out while welcoming nonrich section 8 nonwhites in by the truckload hahaha.

there is really a lot of technical shit regarding water resources, water vs sewage and spillways and watersheds and infrastructure and the department heads are all Civil Engineers. I guess given time I could memorize the technical shit on the website but even still there are questions of “WHY tho. that doesnt really answer my question. it just brings up more questions. like why does it HAVE to be that way” which are not answered by the FAQs haha. I guess bring up 2 of those questions in the interview on my part hahahaha.

https://www.mturk.com/mturk/welcome

amazon has this thing with the weird name of mechanical turk where you can do tasks for pennies hahahaha.

i signed up immediately with my amazon account but i need to wait 48 hours for them to approve me darn.

maybe they wont because i bought racist books off amazon haha.

but really it would be too expensive to pay someone to screen me.

or, to buy software that could screen my history against a list of known racist authors hahahaha. get databases and shit to match up, api’s to plug into each other, whatever the fook. so that they could even say, check this guy’s amazon purchases to see if he ever bought a book by david duke or kevin macdonald hahahaha.

how the FOOK are there over TWO HUNDRED employees in this county department. that is several times larger than the department at my last job, and I thought that was big.

so would this be a better job than the post office? well how much do they PAY? how much of the job is damn customer service and Phones? how easy are the phone calls?

also its a 24 mile drive one way hehehe. yikes.  and there is a lot of confusing stuff. i mean yeah i can memorize stuff with flashcards though.

wish i had more certainty about the post office though. heh. i mean it seemed at least 50%. thats what I will tell the county water dept.

to that woman:

i wish you had cared more about My Feelings. to even let me tell you how I felt. but nooooooo.  I just wanted to be heard by you, rather than denied that chance altogether.

also i know Im not entitled to anything. but I wish i was more important, more valuable to you. when you know someone for 2.5 years, its really hard to believe that I left NO impact on you. that you were not invested in me AT ALL. that i meant NOTHING to you and you could just delete me like that. I know thats just not true. I think I DID mean something to you, but i just dont know how much. I know you are too scared to tell me and I wish you had more courage. just tell me that I meant something to you and made an impact on your life. I hope it was a good impact.

i know it ended badly but i really didnt want it to end that way. I was inviting you to talk to me and you never responded to those invitations. there was nothing more I could do without being invasive. Your silence told me that you didnt want to respond. I am not entitled to anything, but I believe that 2.7 years of friendship should “entitle” me to more than absolute silence.

just be willing to listen to me, appreciate this is painful for me, and try to be nicer to me when you are ending this relationship. didnt I mean ANYTHING to you? did I really mean that LITTLE to you? I dont think so. I just think you dont have the COURAGE to be more of an adult about this.

the end for today hahahaha

also its stupid that she treated other men better. she let THEM argue with her. she wouldnt even ARGUE with me. was it because she was SCARED, or DISGUSTED? ILL NEVER KNOW!!!!!!

yet it matters to me, because I would MUCH rather that she was scared like a cowardly animal running away, rather than disgusted by me, the monstrous unlovable weirdo.

ate quesadilla at social event. went 500 calories over budget. it is just SO easy to do. burned 1000 calories at fatness today. saw the woman I see there sometimes around 1:30 pm on wednesdays hahahaha. she is one of my favorite gurls. nice long arms and legs. def not shaped like a potato. she is totally out of my league but also not under 25. she seems bitchy hahaha. i imagine her as being russian or something. she has pale white skin but dark black hair. that is kinda troubling to me. i really hope she is not arab or albanian. i really dont think so.  i like to think i have a better radar of that sort of thing. i should go talk to her but i am terrible and terrified of approaching women. also i have no confidence for that sort of thing.

certainly THAT WOMAN has no shortage of guys APPROACHING her.

but that is the birthright of every woman.

i dont disparage that, i just disparage women who DENY it hahaha. who say “this double standard is a sexist myth. men and women are the same. women cant get pregnant. men can get sex just as easily as women. men can get pregnant too.” hahahahahaha see what i mean? these peopel are stupid as shit, but theyre not so stupid to ever say “men can get pregnant too.”

so how did i approach her? I dont remember AT ALL. there was absolutely NO concerted effort of me to approach. she was the new employee at my job so….i actually did probably approach her and ask if she had any questions, or more likely I was trying to reassure her and say theres nothing to worry about, this job is easy, and fun, so just chill out and dont worry. everyone is nice and i am nice and you dont have anything to worry about. I will help you if you ever have any questions. just relax.

and then we probably got to talking about music early on, and found we had some similarities there, well at least I knew enough to hold a conversation. because her preferred music was not stupid pop or hip hop or hipster shit but stuff I actually knew.

no of course she did not listen to type o negative or NILE, hahahahaha. well, she might have HEARD of TON, plenty of people have. not sure if she was a huge fan. she neer mentioned them. neither did I tho. well see I would prefer a woman who DIDNT like TON because only 30 year old goth sluts like TON. and nile? i mean i only mention these two groups because I’ve been listening to a lot of both of them lately, but the two bands could not be MORE dissimilar. basically goth metal rock and brutal technical death metal. night and day but I like them both. but WOMEN who like stuff like this are usually WEIRD and are better off avoided.

may 20

good lord i got so obsessed with doing amazon mechanical turk “HITs” and making 50 cents an hour that I didnt even write about MUH INTERVIEW, or anything else.

yeah interview went OK and was probably the best so far of any interview. the guy was very nice and friendly. it lasted at least 45 minutes and I actually presented myself fairly well, fairly confidently, like a pretty good normie actually. but the job is admittedly 75% inbound phones. a phone queue taking calls for BILLING on water bills. some expectation of angry, unreasonable customers.

if it were a “back office job” i would be more amenable. if it were less than 25 mile drive one way. if there werent a lot of calls from poor blacks who just want to argue and call you a racis hahaha was an implication they gave. many calls from the shitty ghetto black city in the county. maybe if it was just 50% phones rather than 75% phones. it takes 40 minutes to get there with no traffic. prob take 80 minutes with traffic. one way.

i did ok in the interview, well, i forgot to ask what the PAY was!!!!!! that was my glaring omission. but for most of the 45-50 minutes I composed myself rather well and presented a very normie, confident, competent, conscientious, smart demeanor hahaha. so in other words I have at least a 50% chance of getting an offer!

BUT……I am very ambivalent about wanting the job. regarding the longass drive, and the heavy phone aspect. 75% is better than what I was used to….but I really want more like 50%.

i guess that was the lesson I learned from this interview. 75% phones is not good enough for me.

although I would probably pick this one over the tech support health care call center job because they sounded pretty lax on their metrics. no strict metrics. some flexibility there. but its still so far away and its still 75% phones and its going to largely be hostile blacks demanding explanations that will never be good enough. its not technically a CALL CENTER….but its basically a Mini Call Center with 8 people answering phones out of a Automated Queue. On Headsets. Its a call center, albeit a Mini one. where the call agents are blessed with 25% nonphone work.

if it were closer, I might consider it. it would prob be BETTER than my previous job.

I came home and wrote a thank you email, even though I didnt REALLY want the job, I figured it was the right thing to do. just write them a brief thank you email and then I can turn down any offer for whatever bullshit reason i want.

then I saw I was approved by mturk and then I got wrapped up in that, doing retarded “HIT’s” like a chinese ant-man. But it is interesting, at least for a few days. no way to make a living, but I have made more money in 2 days than I have in like a year playing Poker, where I am Down. Here I am Up. 2 dollars so far. hahaha.

there was one thing where you transcribe german names out of scans of an old german phone book and type the names, occupation, house number, and floor number into a spreadsheet. they paid 7 dollars to transcribe like 1000 names. It literally would have taken 8 hours to complete the “HIT.” (Human Intelligence Task.) 7 dollars for 8 hours of “work” hahahaha. I started doing it and wasted about an hour and then said fook this shit. they need to break this shit up. and offer more money. but 7 dollars for 8 hours of work would be AWESOME for an indian.

I am sure i will get bored of Mturk but it is nonetheless good to have something that even vaguely looks like work tasks. complete with confusing, overlong, but underdescriptive instructions, and no way to ask for clarification hahaha. but some of the tasks are somewhat interesting. like the german phone book was in theory intersting. or this one where you use developer mode of chrome to look for fraudulent affiliate links. the instructions dont explain the WHY of that but I would be curious to know.

HA! I took a social psych study by some anti white marxists doing phdz at umass amherst and was glad they offered a comment box. I wrote a Book:

As a former psychology student and lifelong amateur psychologist, I enjoy reading about and participating in psychology studies. I am also very interested in race and race relations, but I am certain I approach them from a diametrically opposite position than most psychology researchers and university students and faculty. As a young college student I was very liberal and interested in social justice and anti-racism. As I grew older, I became markedly more conservative and also what would be called racist. I don’t think there is any causational effect between the two, however, although there may well be a correlation. In other words, the more conservative one is, we should NOT expect the person to therefore be more racist.

However I identify as having controversial views anyway. I am interested in ideas of white privilege and as a college student 10 years ago at a very left-leaning major university, I can attest to having been somewhat indoctrinated into that mindset. I view it as being young, naive, and wanting to fit in on my part. As I grew older, I maintained my interest in race, which will probably be a lifelong interest, but I began changing my views on race, and indeed, would be considered a hateful racist by most educated, middle-class, professional people. For this reason I keep my views private, because I know racist views can have real effects on one’s career and social life. I don’t think many people would be open to hearing my point of view. There are growing communities online where people discuss the “racial red pill.”

Basically I believe race is NOT a social construct, as is promoted in the university, and that there are definite, measurable differences in intelligence and behavior between races that cannot be explained away by societal causes. However I do believe there are important societal pressures as well.

I consider myself a kind and empathetic person and most believe that all humans are equal in terms of moral, spiritual value. However I do have an affinity for my “team” and view other Whites as my ingroup, and in generally prefer to associate with people of my ingroup. I don’t have anything against other races, but I must wonder if full racial integration really is the best way to go. I am rather segregationalist and nationalist. Some thinkers (either Steve Sailer or Heartiste, but echoed by many others in the “alt-right”, a movement which is gaining attention in 2016 but which will probably be misunderstood wildly by the media and consumers of this media) say “diversity + proximity = conflict”.

In other words, pushing different races and cultures to integrate might be like hammering a square peg into the round hole, destroying both the peg and the hole. It might be more of a win-win to encourage segregation than massive integration.

Or, integration is only beneficial in small proportions, and situations like the refugee crisis in Europe represent an unsustainable “growth” of multiculturalism.

Basically I question the value of extreme multiculturalism, and I wish I had been exposed to these ideas while in college. I believe a very healthy, rigorous debate could be had in the academic setting, but there are currently very few academics willing to challenge the intellectual status quo, which is undeniably Marxist. (Just saying the word “Marxist” will signal me as “rabid right wing racist”!) But having some contact with PhD studies in Psychology and Critical Theory, we can’t really deny the Marxist foundations of influential thinkers like Foucault, Adorno, Marcuse, third-wave feminists, bell hooks. Forgive me for not coming up with more names, it has been a while since I abandoned my own desire to enter academia, influenced largely by what I viewed as its intellectual dishonesty and myopia, and to the authors of this study I mean no offense. However, as Social Psychology PhD students, I am certain you encounter the political aspects of your work every day.

Anyway, I find these studies interesting, but that also my viewpoint is very unique (and very probably statistically insignificant!), but I would love to see well-known universities like UMass Amherst engage “alt-right” thinkers and theories in an open, honest, civil fashion. See Richard Spencer, Kevin MacDonald, Greg Johnson, Millennial Woes, Charles Murray, Pat Buchanan, Taki’s Mag, many more).

hey at least i got paid 50 cents for that! hahahaha. well, not for my UNSOLICITED RACIST OPINION, but for me answering bullshit antiwhite questions.

oooh just got rejection for part time job at local college which I applied to a month ago. an offer has been made and the candidate accepted it. they did not call me for an interview or assessment whatsoever. WEIRD that i cant even get an interview for a part time job, but other places, I can get a full time job with NO interview (shitty tech call center), or have a good chance at getting a full time job with one brief interview (post office, negroes complain mah beelz too high, yall are prejudice, i shouldnt have to pay for mah water, its a basc human right.)

well….maybe water IS a basic human right, but I dont want my JOB to be listening to people complaining about that, and me saying yep it is what it is what it is what it is.

i mean shit. I have no problem answering the phone. but a HIGH VOLUME of phone calls? NO. i’m not talking about sitting there waiting for the phone to ring. I am talking about being ON A CALL. i do not want to be ON A CALL more than 50% of my shift. period.

I dont have a problem with giving in person service. or waiting there for someone who needs service. hahaha. the waiting is great. or doing Tasks not immediately serving a customer. thats ok too.  doing a High Intelligence TASK hahahaha.

oh god heres some more shit i wrote:

Capturing people’s perceptions about Muslims and other groups in the US. Measuring attitudes and beliefs. Once upon a time I considered doing a psychology PhD because I am interested in studying these types of questions as well. I suspect there is a hypothesis that more conservative people are also more prejudiced, or hostile against immigrant or nonwhite groups. As a White conservative, I abhor the idea of having a “victim complex”, however I also don’t want White conservatives to be linked with negative character traits by liberal academics, either.

I identify as being somewhat racist, and I think it’s normal, healthy, and desirable for all people to be a little bit racist. I think it’s a bit absurd the notion put forth by academics, the media, and other middle-class professionals that to be racist is the single worst cardinal sin of our time. I disagree. Certainly to be a violent racist extremist is absolutely a bad thing. But racial awareness, and understand racial differences, I think is simply a mature, responsible, reasonable thing to do, rather than to pretend all people are the same. I wish that “celebrating diversity” had much more of a component of recognizing differences.

I am well aware that not all Muslims are violent terrorists, just like not all White conservatives are violent hate-crime perpetrators. Violence is certainly repulsive to me personally, and I think all human lives have equal value. However, I do identify closely with my racial in-group, which is Whites (European descent), and I look out for the interests of this group moreso than I do the interests of other groups. I find European identity very valuable and I would like it to be preserved into the future. The idea of a “world without race” does not appeal to me.

Perhaps I benefit from “White Privilege” , but in general, I do not like the anti-white, anti-European sentiments in the media and especially in the university.

I am very friendly to everyone I meet, including nonwhites. I keep my racist views very private because I know how socially unacceptable they are. I wish this were not so, and that every race were encouraged in being “a little bit racist.” I would not like to live in a minority-white neighborhood, that is, I prefer to live amongst a majority of other Whites, and I personally have no interest in interracial dating, and I prefer women who share my views here.

My views are probably shaped by the fact that I grew up near a mainly-Black city. The nonwhite ethnic groups I have the most contact with currently are Blacks, Arabs (both Muslim and Christian), and Albanians (mostly Christian.)

I believe one’s personality is at least 60% genetically determined, but things such as one’s childhood, religion, and social class do play a significant role.

I live near a large communities of Arab Muslims. There have been no significant reports of extremist activity from this region during my lifetime. It seems that terrorist extremism is a fairly recently phenomenon. I certainly don’t recall anything of this nature before the late 1990s, and first hearing about bin Laden and such, and then of course since 9/11, terrorism has been a permanently fixture in the news. Is this just because the media and government is choosing to focus on Islamic terrorism more? Has it always been there? I tend to think it is on the rise, at least in western nations, and that we are right to be concerned about it.

So in other words, Muslims who have peacefully lived among us for 20, 30 years I think are very low-risk, but we do have to pay attention to new Muslim migrants and immigrants, since I believe violent extremism is going to be much more prevalent in the younger generation of Muslims.

I am kind of an outlier for your study I’m sure, as a self-identifying White conservative racist with vocal opinions on race. I would certainly be viewed as a “racist redneck” by middle-class professionals. But by all accounts I am a pretty normal person, and I don’t talk about these controversial topics unless with very close friends or family, or in pseudonymous research studies!

I agree with you these are all very important topics. I agree that 99% of Muslims are peace-loving people and productive citizens. But I see no reason to throw the doors open for large numbers of Muslim migrants. I don’t understand why countries like Saudi Arabia or Oman or Turkey are not placed at the highest priority for receiving migrants. Why does it have to be US, Sweden, Germany? There are also troubling stories of migrants being mainly young men. I would be much more sympathetic to women and children and the elderly.

Good luck with your study! I don’t mean to be difficult or hostile. But I do naturally find some friction when taking research studies from social sciences, psychology, political science, sociology, etc, where the research authors probably have political views diametrically opposed to my own, and are probably trying to prove hypotheses very different that what I would try to prove. But I am happy to talk at length about race and politics!

hehehe the end. i am gettng my blogging out by doing paid studies and then writing my racist opinions in the comment boxes, to marxist leftist phds making more money than i ever will, by doing studies to show how horribly racist white racists like me are!

Great questions here, which people have been asking since the dawn of time, including myself. I think people are 60/40 nature/nurture. I don’t believe in a “blank slate.” I believe genetics and race has a strong influence on people’s personalities, but so does their upbringing. People do have the ability to change as adults, but the older you get, the harder it is I believe, and the less likely and harder it is for them to change. But with strong will and good support system, it can be done. I do believe in good and evil, and that mostly good people can do evil things, and vice versa. We are basically the sum total of the moral decisions we have made. Great study, I am very interested in morality, personality, and nature/nurture. I think there is some forces we can’t control, but some things we can. I do believe in free will….to an extent. However even if a criminal or bully was abused as a child, they are still to “blame” for their cruel behavior later. It might explain their behavior, but does not justify it whatsoever. Many people who are abused break that cycle of abuse and do not go on to abuse other. Not sure how many.

a more interesting study on morality, free will, blame, self determination, nature and nurture. how you think of a bully when you learn he was abused as a child, and thats why hes a huge asshole now. doesnt make that ok though.

Interesting study. I only recently discovered MTurk and wonder sometimes about the average MTurker. I am also personally interested in the subject of NEETs and would like to see more academic studies on NEETs, especially the internal thoughts and feelings, psychological problems, self confidence, life experiences of NEETs. I am not a NEET but I have come close. In this way I might not represent an “average person” and therefore might be considered statistically insignificant to your study.

comment on a study asking about a time I wielded POWER. I responded that I hadn’t wielded power at all really, and kind of feel powerless, and it sucks!

 

Personal experience
In this part, we are interested in a personal experience of yours.

Please recall a time when you acted in such a way that you felt guilty or ashamed.

Perhaps you were disloyal to a friend, were greedy when you should have shared, were mean to someone for no particular reason, or uncaring toward someone who needed you.

Please describe the situation: When was it, who was involved, what did you do, how did you feel?

You can write as much as you like:::::::

I felt extremely guilty and ashamed recently when a relationship ended suddenly and intensely. I am a male and had a female friend who I became quite close with over the course of several years. At this late point, I started to develop more romantic, intimate feelings towards her, and hoped that she felt the same way and we could become more than friends. She clearly did not feel the same way. I invited her to talk about this difficult situation so we could try to smooth things over and have open communication with each other, but she was unwilling to meet or to have a conversation with me, and our complicated friendship ended immediately. Her complete unwillingness to talk to me or even listen to me made me feel that I had done something horribly wrong, like betray her trust. I felt treated like a bad person, so I felt like I was a bad person who had done a bad thing. I felt completely to blame for the way the relationship ended. But I was also very conflicted, because I knew rationally that I hadn’t really done anything wrong or hurtful, albeit it was awkward and uncomfortable. It took me a long time to accept that I was not a bad person who did a horrible thing. It’s very important to me to be a nice, kind, good, moral, trustworthy person. I would never intentionally betray someone. So to be treated like I had betrayed a friend made me feel horrible. It took months for me to begin to accept that I had NOT done something horrible, and that my former friend shared some responsibility for the way this relationship ended. I was not expecting them to return my feelings; but I did really want them to just sit down and talk with me, or at least communicate with me somehow. People do have the power to exit a relationship in a way that minimizes pain for the other person. I feel she did not make any effort to do that. I still feel self-blame, like if I hadn’t developed special feelings, I never would have pushed her away like that. But I also feel upset that she could have reacted a little more compassionately. It was a time of tremendous pain that took at least 9 months to get over.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA