WORSE THAN BEING ABORTED: STILL ALIVE TO SUFFER

july 7

had interview today, 5 people grilling me, 1 hour and 20 minute interview, 40k job tho damn.

then went on linked in and switched my settings to anonymous mode so i could look at people from my old job. started feeling bad. like damn they can handle taking confusing angry phone calls all day, how come i cant? they found new jobs, the are able to think fast and act quick. oh 3 people from my company went over to this other company. I WONDER if thats where SHE went too. oh i wonder if shes fooking one of those guys then. or maybe she already fooked him and now they hate each other but still work together.

how come just the thought of answering those calls and dealing with those weird problems strikes fear into my heart? i wish i could be AS GOOD as her in the stupid competition of life. compete with her on HER terms and PROVE that I am at LEAST as good as her, can do the same kind of ridiculous work, make the same decent money.

and now she goes on and makes new friends and knows the people we worked with, longer than I knew her….which was a pretty long time. and I am stuck in the past. and she has moved past me, and I am just a faded memory in her past, that she has mostly forgotten.

next on the listening:

diocletian: gesundrian

proclamation: nether tombs of abbadon (terrible reviews, as their well of ideas has run dry and they are just going thru the blasphemous motions. but I sorta think the production sounds best on this one. and I figure each album will sound exactly the same, so production is VERY important here.)

i should be talking about this interview hehehe.

i figure, they interview 5 people, that means you START OFF at a 20% chance of getting the job. then depending on how you do, you go up or down. probably not more than 10% either way.

anyway it was me, and 5 managers, in a room for 1 hour and 20 minutes. 5 people making 25 bucks an hour to spend 90 minutes of Paid Time with ME hahahahaha.

ok did 5 mile walk, listened to those things. i just dont have great headphones. i have 10 dollar headphones when i should invest in some good 50 dollar headphones, but i just cant right now till i establish an income stream other than 2 dollars a week on mturk hahaha. i could only stand about 10 to 14 minutes of the proclamation. but its nice to come back to that noise for 14 minutes a day or so.

the diocletian sounded sorta like angel corpse but with some slow parts. great sound, again hurt by my headphones. great drum and guitar sound, great fast blasts, no triggers like some f4ggy death metal band hahaha.

i just hate sounding incompetent with a caller who wants me to fix a problem, because I AM incompetent, and i DONT know what I’m doing. and i hate that SHE was better at that in the long run than me.

and if you can stay good at that in the long run, you can actually advance in the stupid tech support field. become a tier 2, then a tier 3, then a manager, get jobs at increasingly better companies. you just gotta tough it out. and I couldn’t do it, and she COULD. AND she doesn’t CARE about ME, when I KNOW she once did. she was tough enough to do the job, and to KEEP doing the job a year later, but she wasnt courageous enough to SHOW CARE about ME. fooooooook.

i mean other women have been tougher and more competent than me. better at their jobs. doing tough jobs. cool under pressure. going gets tough, tough get going. other women have Bested me at that competition, but I didn’t care nearly AS much because they showed a lot more courtesy to me when they dumped me. they said sorry that I have to do this. and then went on to become hugely successful in their careers. just like THAT PERSON is going to be. I came CLOSE to looking her up on linkedin today. I thought she might work at this company several people from our company went to.

theres a difference between “taking the black pill” ie looking a unpleasant things, because you might learn a valuable lesson…….vs TORTURING yourself by COMPARING yourself to others unfavorably on linkedin. looking at all those fookin WINNERS on linkedin. or f4gbook or that matter. oh im so successful at muh career. i am not on the verge of a nervous breakdown and im getting MARRIED to a person I LUV and want to make babies with. we just had a baby. were having our second baby. chad just got promoted to Team Lead this year, which meant more money for our growing family. Stacy finished her masters degree in Talent Acquisition which resulted in a big pay raise for her too.

that fooking bullshit successful middle class normie STRIVERS talk about in their christmas card letters!!!!

so yeah. SOME blackpilling is ok, but I don’t think this comparing yourself is really helpful, nor is it legit blackpilling. its more digging yourself into a rut and putting yourself into a bad mood. better to just STOP, and just apply for another job, or go for a 5 mile walk and listen to EVIL raw black metal like blasphemy or proclamation hahahaha.

black lives matter hehehe how about MY life matters. I wanted MY life to matter to HER. not even in a tradwife luv sort of way, but just in GENERAL.  even before i fell in luv her life matter to me, and my life mattered to her. i just wished my life could have mattered to her at the END. rather than being murdered like an aborted child hahahaha.

now i know what that aborted child feels like with the silent scream, as it screams pleeeease mommy dont murder me, and then they get murdered anyway. and then you get to stay alive enough to be able to see that, and think about it for years hahahaha. and you wonder how could your own mother murder you hehehe.

so in a while its WORSE than being aborted! because you are still ALIVE TO SUFFER!!

at least the aborted baby has the privilege of not being able to suffer any more. they are put out of their misery!

july 8

foreveralone feels, an actual 30 year old wizard virgin with a youtube channel whoooooaaaaa

i mean he LOOKS like one! but he also doesnt look TOO bad, or irredemable. its sad.

instantly subscribed.

The “why are women fooked” question is actually really easy: because they don’t have to be good to pass on their genes. They just have to take a dick and keep the baby alive. The men have to slave, fight and die over who gets to keep them.

great quote from great trs thread on how bad women are hahaha

but yeah i might as well be a 30 year old virgin. i had secs 2 times with a gurl when i was 21………AND THEN NEVER EVER AGAIN hahahaha and now I am 30+.

its a really unique situation. there’s no manual for this. the wizards dont understand, the normie chads sure dont understand. i guess people can still advise you: be a stronger, better, man with purpose. then you can keep a woman from dumping you. easier said than done tho hahaha.

huge anti police shooting in dallas, its HAPPENING, 4-5 officers dead, wow, i mean i can honestly say stuff was NOT liek this when I was young. shit is objectively getting BAD.

i meditated on my desire to bang gurls up the ass and I figured it had to do with a desire to PUNISH them and cause them some pain. for not wanting anything to do with me, and also for Playing Around with the LIfe Creation Process so casually.

I was always kinda afraid of the Vag and Secs because I always understood THATS HOW BABIES ARE MADE. this is NOT a casual, fun process. if you want to have PURELY recreational secs, then do it up the ass like mexican sluts or f4gs. that’s the fookhole for people who REALLY dont want to have babies. and i dont want to have babies. babies are a BIG DEAL and Im not ready for that. so i dont want to treat the pvssy like some kind of casual funland.

and women are stupid and inferior for treating their OWN pvssies like that. theyre the ones who GET pregnant!!!! how can they NOT know this and need a man to mansplain it to them? because thats how women ARE. and I was like holy shit that sucks SO MUCH. How can I POSSIBLY respect or even LIKE women. they are DISGUSTING.

so hence the desire to bang them in the ass. to somewhat punish them, and also to show that I wanted to remove ALL chance of conception. well why not just use birth control.

because i’ve ALWAYS believe that BC is flawed. that its putting up an unnatural roadblock to something natural. and you just dont need to do that with the ass. because the ass is not MADE FOR REPRODUCTION. its made for expelling shit.

so yeah still its degenerate to want to put muh dick in an EXIT hole! I fully own and admit that. own muh degeneracy.

well its not like Im going out banging sluts in the ass, or watching porno of it! although I used to. but i havent looked at porno in….242 days.

the shit with the woman WENT DOWN 360 days ago. almost a year.

sent her the last email 326 days ago.

last got a haircut 101 days ago. and I am fully planning on getting a nice very short haircut TODAY.

later. got nice short level 1 haircut! very nice. do this more like every 2 months, not every 3 months. it was looking bad on the sides, like an unemployable loser neet wizard virgin. dont do this. i am scottish with spending money, but in this case, its WORTH THE MONEY. just spend the money and get a haircut every 2 months. they barber didnt even ask about muh JOB hahaha.

also now i look more masculine, like a real ross bay powerlifting black metal skinhead. i would also add 1433 to that, althought the ross bay cult is NOT associated with 1433. but they should really consider it! although the black guy in the band blasphemy hahahaha well i will give him a pass.

BUT really raw drunken satanic black metal is degenerate anyway, and degeneracy and 1433 is like OIL AND WATER.

so, switch all that drunken satan imagery with like Nationalistic War imagery. you can still have those kewl black and white drawings! just instead of goatz and sp00py skellys with goathorns, you can have like soldiers and fuhrers and gunz and tradfams and such.

being CONFUSED SUCKS. it kills your confidence and can lead to Chronic Stress.

also you feel like you are getting early onset dementia or alzheimers at age 35. WTF. that is very frustrating.

or was it just because you smoked too much MJ and drank too much alcohol before age 25? because ya sure did. sure screwed the pooch on that one. dicked the dog. fooked fido.

like worshiping satan and evil is stupid, immature, degenerate, and really doesnt make sense. being a 1433 whyte warrior makes TOTAL sense. 14 words make TOTAL sense. so express THAT in your music.

had stupid dream last night where I dreamed I was looking at pictures of HER, on facebook or instagram or whatever. i saw a photo of her from new years eve where she was kissing a black guy. i reacted with disgust and horror and anger, much like you would expect me to hahahaha. i make no apologies for not liking mudsharking, and I am ESPECIALLY offended when the woman I luv would rather fook and kiss blacks than have anything to do with ME. it really stings the pride knowing a black guy is better at getting the woman of your dreams than you are. and that the woman of your dreams would rather be with a black guy than you, ya racially-aware whyte man.

also IRL she did go out with a black guy but I never saw secsy pictures of that thank god. but the fact is, they were making out and FOOKING. she she suck his dick? most certainly. Did he blast jizz on her pretty face? maybe. did he fook her up the ass? maybe. did he fook her doggystyle and blast on her nice white ass? certainly. did he pound that pvssy with her fine white body pressed up against him while they made out and she sighed in Ecstasy? 100000% yes definitely. things I will never experience with her hehehehe.

And I have always like kissing and making out MORE than secs. it seems so pure and fun and innocent and safe and good. and secs seems so dirty and bad and pornographic and dangerous and bad. not because it is, but because the way the women treat it like its NOTHING. treat it with more reverence.

so I always LIKED making out and kissing more. it means a lot to me. I would have had a LOT of fun making out with her. I had a LOT of fun just making out with gurls. then they would get bored, want secs, and dump me when they correctly ascertained that I wanted a real rel.

i get dumped because i always want a RELATIONSHIP with women hahahaha what a MONSTER I am.

clingy and needy, always wanted a Relationship.

oh well there’s serious rels and then theres casual rels. why do I always want a serious rel?

because I am an OLD SCHOOL WHITE MAN, and I KNOW that sex cannot be treated CASUALLY!

so yeah not only do i think secs is intmate, i think KISSING is kinda intimate too! and i feel a lot more positively towards it than secs, ie its something i can actually enjoy, possibly because it doesnt make babies but still allows you to show affection for your bitch, like cuddling. and its much SAFER and lower RISK, and I think its super FUN and stress free, and I RESENT women for not liking it so much, or thinking its BORING.

if you think somethings boring, YOUR BORING hahahahahahaha.

if you’re BORED, YOURE BORING.

uncle bern might have clued me into that saying.

oh lord their are LATVIANS speaking LATVIAN in the poker room hahahaha.

this is really interesting. yes i luv latvians, they are white as hell. or are they finngolian hahaha. latvians are classic joohaters and ovened 6 gorillion joos in riga in 1943.

 

 

REMAINS OF A LOST DEAD CURSED RUINED SOUL

june 17

met with recruiter. he was no older than 24 years old and had a Portfolio Binder proudly displaying his Alma Mater, which was the Main Rival of My Alma Mater. We called them Idiot Jock Meathead Racists who would be working for US, they called us sissy stuckup snob autist phaggot nerds who don’t know how to pull pvssy. there was no mention of alma maters hahaha. the young man was very nice and had good People Skills and Communication Skills. I explained to him that I was “intentionally looking to move in a different direction than an inbound call center role” had he said “I understand” hahahaha.

they want 1 or 2 MORE references from THAT place. they want 3 references from the last 3 years. I said YESH OF COURSHE I’ll give you some more references from the tech call center. so now I gotta do that. like it’s pretty clear they are gonna call them. maybe they will be like, i am sick of giving references for this asshole, why doesn’t he just get a JOB already, fook it, plus I’m already giving references 8 hours a day for all the people we laid off while also looking for a new job myself because I am laid off, lets let this one slide, besides, he left 11 months ago, why didn’t he just take that job at the healthcare tech call center a few months ago like alot of our people did. what is he holding out for the perfect dream job? he hasnt paid his dues yet! just look at his resume! look at his age!

Thank you for applying for the position of Administrative Program Assistant with the cityname. At this time, your application was rejected, as your submission does not meet the minimum qualifications as listed in our job description and advertisement.

OH WOW what a bunch of assholes. that is the most dick asshole bitch rejection email I have gotten yet! its basically saying YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO READ and YOU ARE LESS THAN THE MINIMUM.  if i had thinner skin I would maybe take that personally hahahaha. i have received MUCH more polite rejection emails than that. usually saying thank you for your interest and don’t get discouraged.

i was driving around afterwards in this very unfamiliar part of town cuz i kinda like that “field trip” exploration aspect of exploring unknown areas sort of near my home, and i approached a roundabout with a bike path. Like an asshole I advanced into the bike path. I saw a guy coming on his bike so i said oh shit and backed up to try to get out of the bike path. i was not fast enough and he slammed on his bike brakes and almost fell off his bike. it was a light skinned black man who did not look thuggish. I backed out of the way and said SORRY IM SORRY out the window to him. then I very sheepishly got the hell out of there. he did not fall off the bike but it looked like he was having trouble with the brakes of the bike. i just got the hell out of there at that point, muttering SORRY SORRY SORRY. I might be a huhwhyte supremist, but I don’t want to cause blacks to be thrown from their bikes because I don’t know how to Share The Road. plus I am not great with New Roundabouts, which this was.

anyway I felt bad, he seemed like one of the decent blacks, and I didnt want to hurt him or damage his nice looking bike.

then i took my field trip into J00land, driving down a street that had a lot of J stuff: yeshiva, Joo senior living, jooish apartments, I even saw what looked like an orthodox jooish woman driving a crappy old minivan with a hebrew bumper sticker. I thought hmm I thought no joo would be caught dead driving such a shitty car, but I guess these orthodoxes arent as filthy rich. Also this area in general has a lot of blacks too, so I can’t imagine joos wanting to live around here. so there has been some jewish flight, but there is plenty of j00ish infrastructure here from a generation or two ago. synagogues and schools and such. including one bigass temple that has lotsa joos probably coming from a few miles north where the housing and pubskools are a lot nicer.

but yeah da joos moved out to nicer place where there is a fancy jooish community center. I should check that out some day.

the one thing I like about da j00s is they have a very strong community. stuff like joo camps for kids with Leadership Training programs, where the kids are basically shown how to Lead and Succeed in life. then they succeed, make lots of money, and give back to the JCC. you basically have a real presence of very rich and successful professionals who are also very socially active in the community centers, and with the youf and teens. to help them get into good Colleges, and to Design very very viable Career Paths, get good internships, get good jobs, build good resumes, and steer them the right way when they go astray. stop smoking that MJ yitzak, that is for the shvartzes. Here, get a summer job with cousin moishe and make 15 dollars an hour and he will write you a great recommendation letter to get into harvard business school hahahaha.  and you can drink manischevitz with him after work if you want and molest children at the JCC hahahahahaha these fookin abominable perverts hahaha.

i GUARANTEE there is some child molesting at these place, probably at a higher rate that what goes on in the catholic church for example.

in fact i recall hearing a news story a few years ago where a camp counselor at this fancy JCC was arrested for child pornography hehehehe. but i dont think it was of actual children at that JCC.

I am a SUCKER for children, I don’t think even the children of inferior races should be hurt in any way!

horry sheet, looks like millennial woes is speaking at npi 2016 in november in dc. that is, they are flying his neet ass over from scotland to come to the us, and if I went to NPI, I could probably meet him hahahaha. there will probably be a couple of TRS guys there too.

250 bucks to get in with “MILLENNIAL PRICE” 100 for people under 30. check your millennial privlege reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

well i hope this doesnt soften MW. it would be nice to meet him tho.

it would be just plain nice to go to NPI, its prob the biggest Alt Right Event. i mean yeah they let nonwhites in, and ramzpaul slobbers all over “khazar milkers” of ratface J’s, and jack donovan fooks men like women, and they band matthew heimbach because he’s anti-gay, and allow roosh to come in and patronize them hahahaha.

but they still have kmac and woesy and f roger devlin, having henrik and lana again, they are good people. makes you want to get your own tradwaifu and start your own pro-white media empire hahaha. well i dont trust lana entirely, i am not really jealous of henrik, she seems like she could get really annoying hahahaha. so he can have his beautiful blond wife to have babies with hahaha.

lotta inside baseball, either you know these people or you dont. i would like to see basicalyl everyone from TRS, and also andrew anglin and weev. not sure if richard spencer gets along with them. probably not. its hard to keep track of who hates who hahaha.

basically i want there to be a TRS conference hehehe. and or daily stormer.

it costs 900 dollars a month to keep the TRS server running ahahaha.

hehehe got up at 7 am so i am a little tired hahaha. but it is a beautiful day, 88 degrees, perfect temperature hehehe. sunny. want to get some sun, vitamin d, gives you better health and confidence.

unbelievable. i REALLY triggered the host of the fatherland with my 25 cent donation hahaha. he could not have taken that a worse way. he thinks it is either insulting trolling, or, assuming that i am in good faith, which I am, that uhhhh i shouldnt even bother hehehe. THANKS. that feel when you want to join a group but they dont want a loser like you as a member hahahaha. becuase i couldnt donate 20 dollars like the one guy. he was gonna mention first names but he didnt because his internet was not working, but it sounds like he might mention first names later in the show. good lord. this is embarrassing. and he might mention me next week when he finds out i upgraded to 50 cents, and then bitch about THAT being not good enough either hehehe.

i mean yeah I probably COULD afford more but i don’t feel comfortable giving more because uhhhh no income at the moment. maybe he is implying that if this is all can afford to give….then maybe I’d be better off just saving the money for myself hahaha.

WELL FINE I just cancelled my monthly donation because I cant handle the BANTZ of the successful winner normie white fathers. cmon guys i just wanted to be like you hahahaha.

well to their credit it was mainly jim who was really triggered, the other guys didnt seem to care.

maybe this is a sign saying LOSERS DONT DESERVE TO FIND A GOOD WIFE AND REPRODUCE.

what about reproduce with a bad wife, hahahaha.

obviously what we need is a neetcast, this is a slap in the face of neets who want to become normie husbands and fathers, but are having trouble winning that struggle. achieving the success you need to attract a decent wife, and have children. the healthy happy normie dads wont let me in their group, im too much of a neet loser for them, so maybe i better just try hanging out with other losers hahaha.

of course im overreacting, just as jim was overreacting, and even he probably doesnt really CARE, he’s got better things to worry about. but if he doesn’t want my money then FINE hahaha I cancelled it. I will still send anonymously with btc then.

this is the trouble when dealing with fascists hahaha. i like fascists but they do not like me because i do not represent EXCELLENCE. fascists dont like losers in other words. heh.

but yeah i am not THAT butthurt….but I really dont want jim to mention even my FIRST name, and then start harping and moaning again. fine you dont want the money, i wont give it to you then hahaha.

he’s a good guy, but he is the type to get rustled by such a stupid thing!

maybe this obsession with having children and being a father is just a temporary phase that I will grow out of in a few years hahahaha.

that would be kinda sad though. i dont want to be an antinatalist loser the rest of muh life!

i was already rejected brutally by the woman i wanted to have 14 children with! jeez JIM! cant you be NICER when rejecting my DNATION hahaha.

so i am the RIFFRAFF who they dont really want as a member of such an EXCLUSIVE movement.

there was a young man in a TRS helicopter shirt spotted on some local tv news footage at a trump rally in texas. a handsome, young, fit looking winner. exactly the type of guy TRS wants representing. I mean I agree as well. but I dont personally live up to that standard!

but again this is just bantz i suppose. there are some neets on trs. but probably not a lot listen to the fatherland!

so yeah in a few weeks i wont even care and no one will remember hehe. i just hope he doesnt mention my name in this episode or the next episode. even if he does, i will blush and feel horribly embarrassed or maybe fast forward to the end of him bitching and kvetching about it, then continue to enjoy the show.

i just wanted so show a token of support to something good, give a TIP rather than take something for FREE.

i mean there are successful people in the movement who can afford to give good dnations. not like super upper middle class, but solid middle middle class. engineers and scientists who make 70 grand a year and can afford to live in a white neighborhood and have white children and attract a decent wife hahaha.

but that definitely aint me babe!

took some nyquil.

did nice powerwalk and still 191 calories over for the day. i had a massive appetite all day and could have easily eaten more.  but thankfully right now I am not starving or even hungry really. because in order to lose weight you have to be at least somewhat hungry at all times hahahaha.

but yeah, women dont like losers, so if you get dumped, and you’re a loser, then arent you the cause of the dumping, because if you werent a loser, she would have like you and not dumped you? jeez. sucks being a loser and KNOWING it and feeling unable to really DO anything about it. you can’t live out the 14 words so you try to show support for groups who DO live out the 14 words and they don’t want your support because its too meager because youre too much of a loser. same reason you can’t live out the 14 words yourself because you can’t attract a wife….because you’re a loser hahahaha.

hehehehehe. oy vey those are some confidence-crushing negative thoughts of despair!!!!

june 18

mmmmaybe she was OUT OF MUH LEAGUE. because in my mind my league is liek the absolutely worst and “circus ugly” women…..although my standards are way too high. i mean my standards ARE too high and I should lower them.

for a while I thought I was lowering my standards by going for HER, because she was kinda in a lower league than the previous woman, because she had no real father, is borderline white trash, etc. but then i determined she was still a nice dateable gurl. the important thing was that she had not been with too many guys and was still kinda innocent and cautious.

now im thinking SHE was still out of my league and i have to lower the standards MORE. basically to someone who HAS been with a lot of guys, is closer to 30 than 25, is a single mother.

im like oh fook i really dont want to do that……but what the hell do I have to offer a woman anyway? not much. I am unsuccessful, old, weak, omega. I havent PROVEN myself. I dont DESERVE a good woman.

Mrs Wikernes says regarding women, at 20 they have their pick, at 30 they’re on sale, at 40 they have to take what they can get, and at 50 no-one wants you.

maybe i should aim for 40 year olds hahahaha.

but i hate lowering my standards. its kinda funny that i still have standards. i know logically I shouldnt have standards, because I’m not worth much on The Market. yet STILL I want an attractive woman, a 25 year old woman, a low-number woman, a woman with morals and a good family, etc.

interesting black metal / old school / thrash band i recently discovered because sammy duet was wearing a tshirt of them and I could see how he, and probably I, could like them. just old school japanese wild men who kept it pretty raw but also werent afraid to think outside of the box. and all the stuff is about evil and satan, bla bla bla.

catchy riffs, headbanging parts, but also lots of melodic sorrowful parts with weeping guitars. and this is from 1995, when stuff like this was truly underground.

so yeah thank u sammy for wearing that sabbat shirt hahaha. and there is also the english sabbat to make things more confusing, and they are probably more well known. maybe.

heh. when i find music or something that is Really Awesome and gives me Good Feels, I want to SHARE it with Someone Special, like That Woman. like oh lets cuddle and rock out to SABBAT together hahahaha yeah right. yeah obviously women who like metal are fooked up sluts you want to stay away from. i am speaking more generally, in terms of sharing your interests with somebody because you like them, and they indulge you because they like you too, and maybe come to a deeper understanding and appreciation of you. hopefully hahahaha. just simple honest good faith SHARING.

watching recent goathwore live vidyas doesnt hurt at all. re my ben haterade. ben is clearly a decent guy. they clearly put on a ridiculously good show. it sounds rawer and the vocals arent super loud. everyone is having a great time and it is very high energy. i should really go see them again. they tour enough. i always have a clear mental image of sammy, except now he has longer hair and more degenerate satan tattoos hahahaha. i would always make a point of standing near sammy to burn that image into my mind cuz he is muh riffmaster.

I do like that Ben seems charming and polite and gracious rather than a fooking dick or a little bitch. he luvs the fans and the fans luv him and they give it back and forth.

also i listened to “carving out the eyes of god”, their 4th album, which I never really listened to. it was kinda their big breakout (2009?) and I couldnt into it any more. my hate was at its peak hahaha. I hope I didnt think they sold out because now they were generally not as many blast beats. and now there are solos. and the first song was the catchiest song they had ever written and made them some actual money.

anyway i can see clearly now they didnt SELL OUT. i was just not personally ready to meet that album where the band was at. now I am. they clearly did not sell out! also the vocals are mixed very well, not too loud, he even seems to take my suggestions and not say this as much and to not have a constant stream of lyrics. in the live setting you see him doing air guitar to sammys riffs, AS YOU SHOULD hahahaha. respect the riff master.

also the production is very good, heavy yet clear. drums sound great. lets give this new drummer a CHANCE eh? give him some time to get more comfortable.

so yeah. carving is also a great album, 4 for 4 great albums at this point, im sorry i didnt listen to it in 2009 but i just wasnt ready. you can’t FORCE these things. so I dont feel TOO bad hahaha.  but I am glad and thankful that I came back to it 7 years later!

also sammy started playing solos on this album and maybe i saw that as “selling out”? I hope not. now its clearly a very natural thing to do. it adds to the song, never feels forced, keeps ben from singing too much, allows sammy to shine in a different way, adds to the atmosphere of the song, and seems like they were always there. so, good move on the solos, and I don’t think they ever stopped.

so yeah mainly i am thankful i moved out of my goathwore/ben hate stage and can be just a little more reasonable about it all, and get caught up on the 3 or 4 albums I missed.

but i still wish I could Share my fun discovery with somebody special, namely that woman hahaha. she was not a huge metal fan and I wouldnt want her to be, but she was open to some metal and I could probably get her to like a gw song, and that would be enough for me. like i say, if gurls like TOO MUCH metal, thats weird. but I like it when they like you enough to begin to appreciate your tastes and you gradually mold them without even realizing it hehehe. not that I ever really had that happen. but she used to be so nice and friendly to me, and think I was so smart and cool. that was great for the ego!

until I started liking her and turned into a weak omega, then she was disgusted by me.

come on! i was still the same person she once thought was so cool! why couldnt she see that! because women hate weakness, period, AS THEY SHOULD. so ALL women are like that? OF COURSHE! but it doesnt mean all women SHOULD be so MEAN about it hahaha.

women who were out of my league who didnt want to be more than just friend have been a lot nicer to me when they rejected me. in other words, not all women will always use The Silent Treatment.

and she wasnt using the silent treatment because she was bad or evil or WANTED to hurt me….she had a lot going on in her life and just didnt know how to deal with it all. unfortunately for me the silent treatment was EXTREMELY PAINFUL. For Me. hahahaha.

ok gonna officially try to give an honest listen to that sabbat album. i havent seen such stellar reviews in a long time hehe.

well i was listening to it when muh shitty earbuds died on the left side and then music became unlistenable.

DF FORUMS POST

Yikes, just seeing the phrase “call center” strikes fear into my heart! I too am part of that dubious club. Not anymore however, and hopefully never again! And I had pretty good callers compared to the average, I think. This was technical support for a large company. While thankfully my callers were usually pretty nice and understanding, thank goodness, I was still filled with anxiety and always felt a “knot of dread” in my stomach, because the technical issues we had to deal with and their “solutions” were so confusing and complicated, and you never knew if the next call was going to be simple or ridiculously complex.

It was like taking an exam in a hard math or science class, where all the problems were hard word problems, and you had the world’s worst “teacher”, and people were hovering over you demanding you to explain yourself every step of the way, and there are no lectures or teaching, only exams. It is a terribly stressful feeling to be so confused all the time. Someone is calling you and they are frustrated and anxious and you have to fix their problem……but you have NO IDEA what they’re talking about!!! “It’s my JOB to fix this?!?!?! I don’t even know what they’re talking about!!! Help me!!!!” there was the sense of drowning, as you madly thrashed in a violent sea. You just wanted a more experienced, confident person to swoop in and save you, and show you what to do.

We had some help from higher tiers, but it was all through a chat room where we had to attempt to describe technical issues we didn’t really understand, and then attempt to implement advice we didn’t understand, while trying to explain things we didn’t understand. It is nerve wracking to try to explain things you don’t understand. It’s your job to be the expert and fix things, but you know even LESS than the person CALLING you! They might have more luck trying to fix the problem themselves! But you just have to think THAT quickly, that you can attempt to fix something you have no mental concept of, for a person who has at least SOME mental concept of it! It was really like the blind leading the blind. The curtain was pulled back and the great and power Oz was revealed just to be a call center of chattering monkeys with computers and headsets, hahaha.

Yes there was an emphasis on metrics and handle times. Sometimes we would be DESPERATE to escalate because we CLEARLY had no idea what was going on, and were practically BEGGING for permission to escalate, just so someone with more experience could take a look at this, and not grasp at straws, or at least look more intelligent than us. It’s frustrating to be made to feel dumb when you sort of know you’re NOT dumb….or are you? I mean you have no idea how to do your job! Maybe you are dumb! (No, not you personally, I am just repeating the inner monologue I had every day!)

Some things that would have helped us are: REGULAR TRAINING. I would have loved to have an hour long training meeting once a week just to TALK to people, just to have experienced people make sure we understood current issues, kind of like a teacher teaching a class, discussing the material, before putting us on the phones. But taking a large group of people off the phones for an hour would be unthinkable, there are calls that need to be answered and handled ham-handedly!

Also having a rule like “if your call is going over 20 minutes and you are getting stuck, you have blanket permission to escalate, and don’t have to beg like a peasant and struggle for an hour looking like an imbecile”, that would be good….

Or having level 2 and 3 people get some MANDATORY time on the phones each week, so they can stay humble.

Or have real flesh and blood people walk around and help people who need help, rather than reduce this to a darn chat room. (They used to have flesh and blood people, but of course those were cut, to cut costs, and we switched to the stupid chat room.)

Oh dear I get flashbacks just thinking of the stupid headset, and the stupid red bubble that would pop up when too many calls were holding in the queue: “QUEUE HAS EXCEEDED ITS MAXIMUM SERVICE LEVEL”

My place was above average in terms of nice callers, and nice coworkers, and nice managers, and I managed to survive much longer than I thought I would (1 year, hehehe), and started developing actual knowledge and confidence and competence…..but I also worked with my friend who I had fallen in love with (another sob story, hahaha) and the stress of that situation and the general stress of the job combined and I just snapped and broke down. I quit the job but asked for a “leave of absence to take care of personal issues”….and then I never went back, and I don’t think I COULD go back to ANY call center, hahaha.

It took me forever to get over the stupid painful drama with the female friend, and it has taken even longer to find a new job. Funny thing is, I have tons of recruiters contacting me offering jobs in call centers. My point here is, a call center job might be the easiest job in the world to get, and is somewhat attractive with decent wage. And they will hire just about anybody with a pulse. Which I think is weird, because you have to be QUICK and SMART and SHARP in order not to sink when they throw you in the deep end. And it seems like it would not be cost effective to hire 20 new people when you KNOW that 10 of them are not gonna make it. How is this more cost-effective than simply investing more money in TRAINING?

hehehe, I would get frustrated even just trying to think of explanations from things from a cost perspective. What the hell is the management THINKING? I would think. Doesn’t it cost you MORE in the long run to put a band-aid on issues and give callers the runaround? Won’t they just call back AGAIN later? Why NOT spend a little more time to solve issues at their root?

And just the fact that you NEVER knew what the next call was going to hold, and you could NEVER take a break from that ringing phone.

The Quality Team “checking in” on you when your call went over x minutes, or when you have been in “after call mode” too long.

Our place would offer overtime hours but I would always AVOID it because I thought “I would not answer phones for another hour even if you paid me $XY dollars an hour.”

Many times I thought I would love to take a 30, 40% pay cut just for some time off the phones. Something less stressful. Let me clean the world’s filthiest toilets for a couple hours. But that was just wishful thinking, hahaha.

Anyway I am glad to be out of that environment but your post brought me back down memory lane, hahahaha.

I would not fault you at all for resigning from the job. I would get so stressed out, I could not eat, could not get to sleep thinking about all the crazy stuff that might happen tomorrow, have dreams about the job, wake up in the middle of the night with your mind racing about crazy nonsensical technical things that could happen, have stomach aches and nausea before going in, etc etc.

You have to have NERVES OF STEEL to do well in a call center over the long-term. As soon as I started having some problems in my personal life, the whole house of cards collapsed. I couldn’t deal with my job, I couldn’t deal with my life, I couldn’t deal with anything, I just broke down like a helpless baby.

And you SO calling you “lazy”, wow I would be upset about that! Try not to let that affect you. I know easier said than done. Have they ever worked in a call center before? I believe it’s impossible to understand unless you’ve been in that seat, worn that headset, taken inbound calls for 8+ hours a day, every day, every week, every month. Taking CALLS. Good Lord hahaha. Never again!!!!!!!!!!

Bless all the people who can do this and haven’t gone completely insane yet and can still manage to keep it together!!!!!

OK rant over. But this is a GREAT topic for a rant!!!!

Anyone other lost souls of call center purgatory/hell out there have some rants to share, please do!

And OP please keep us updated on things!!!!

END POST

that was my post i mean hahaha. OP was worried sick about their call center job.

 

NOT EVERYONE YOU FOOK IS AS FOOKED-UP AS YOU ARE, YA FOOKED-UP B!TCH!

may 23

nile festivals of atonement. I wish they still sounded like this. traded the piling of riffs for something a little more coherent and song-like. and hey they still had some Fast Blast Beats. I am not sure why they seemed to have discarded this part of their Identity in favor of Weird Riffs and Incomprehensible songs. but did they really DISCARD it? no not really. they just added more crazy riffs.

hehe. received rejection letter for part time city job which I took 2 tests for and had an interview for but which I wasn’t sure if I were interviewing for the PT job, or for a damn eligibility list. i dont even know if THEY know. All I know is that they sent me an email rejecting me for the PT job that I didn’t think I was REALLY interviewing for anyway.

BUT I still have an interview NEXT week for the FT job with the same people!!!!!! I am just a little confused hahaha.

had a few days to Sleep On that Water Billing Complaining Negroes job. Still leaning towards no, but I would be leaning towards yes if it were only 12 miles away instead of 24 hahahaha.  or if i knew how much it paid hahaha.

Personal Experience Study
For this study, please take a minute or two to recall a particular incident in which you had power over another individual or individuals. By power, we mean a situation in which you controlled the ability of another person or persons to get something they wanted, or were in a position to evaluate those individuals. Describe the situation in which you had power -what happened, how you felt, etc.

I have done a similar task in the past week asking about a situation of power, but I’m not sure it was this same task. I will answer pretty much the same way. I generally feel very powerless in most if not all situations, in that I am at other people’s mercy. I have never really had supervisory or managerial power over other employees, and I am a bit frustrated at my lack of power. I am not a power-hungry person, but I feel that by a certain age in your life, it is a reflection of personal success, hard work, and intelligence, to have risen to a position of SOME power over younger or less experienced people, and I do not have that. I suppose there could be a less-authoritarian sense of power if you are the Leader of a group, and I don’t really have that.  In social situations however, I don’t feel like I am being coerced, and that I do have a sense of equality, equal footing, that my opinion matters as much as my friends, there is a sense of democracy and autonomy on my part. However there is no power OVER anyone, simply, all of us have the same amount of power and autonomy.

then it showed me a video on how to open a bottle of wine. I already kinda knew how but I never had anybody EXPLAIN it to me. I appreciate having things explained so I feel like I am learning Best Practices and not some damn Feral Child.

I think of the obscene, pornographic things that go through my mind sometime, like saying to a woman, “IS THAT A FAT ASS THAT WANTS TO GET FOOKED! OH YEAH. NICE FOOKABLE LITTLE ASS ON THAT WH0RE. U WANNA HARD C0K TO FILL UP THAT FOOKABLE FAT ASS U LITTLE BUTT SLUT??!?!?!?!” and then I think of some OTHER man saying it to THAT WOMAN and her saying OH YEAH and bending over like a dirty butt slut.

it is not a good line of thought hahaha.

I have a tendency to “hoard” a little bit in that I have trouble throwing things away and occasionally clutter can build up. I would put the pen into “storage” IE somewhere in a box where I might forget about it. If I ever came across it years later, then I probably wouldn’t have such an emotional attachment and I’d be able to throw it away easily. An important teacher is a valuable thing, but do I still have an ongoing relationship with the teacher? Has he directly helped me in some concrete way, or did I have an actual close relationship with the teacher? Did I go to office hours, get to know him, him get to know me, talk about our careers, get career advice? Did he write me a letter of recommendation or help me get a job? Or did I just go to his class and think he was a really good teacher? The closer the relationship, the harder it would be to get rid of the pen.

another

I have struggled throughout my adult life with my perceptions of women. When I was in college, I considered myself a feminist and was convinced men and women were the same, and that gender differences were completely socially constructed. As I grew older and got out of the university, I couldn’t avoid the glaring differences between men and women any more, and my perspective gradually changed. Now I am completely anti-feminist and I believe in appreciating and understanding the natural differences between men and women. I don’t think we should try to make men and women completely alike. We should respect our differences and see each other as complementary, not exactly the same. In educated, professional company, my true views would certainly be viewed as “sexist”, and I have come to accept that I probably AM a “sexist.” However I am no longer personally ashamed of it, as I have come to believe that the real world is sexist, fundamentally, and it’s improper of humans to try to “fix” this. Feminism is a very Marxist approach to force absolutely equality in which absolutely equality is not a healthy, desirable outcome, and I believe the tensions between men and women today are a result of trying to “uplift” women into roles that they are really not happy with, despite all the media and educational push to have more female CEO’s and executives, more women in STEM, women coding academies, and all that. I think the “wage gap” is largely a myth and is a result of women’s personal preferences and choices. I would prefer to see women focus less on career and competing with men, and more of women focusing on home and children. I have the greatest respect for women and it saddens me to see the modern world encouraging women, in the name of seemingly good things like freedom and equality, to do things that in the long run, will make women (and men!) unhappy and disengaged. I hope this progressive zeitgeist is just an anomalous blip in our history, and that the pendulum will swing back to more traditional gender roles. In short, I believe traditional gender roles reflect reality MUCH better than the absolutely gender equality promoted by feminists.

Please feel to contact me through MTurk if you would like to discuss further. This is a topic I am very passionate about, but it certainly stands in stark contrast to attitudes that are prevalent in the university, and which you yourselves will probably find backwards and appalling. This is why I am very careful who and when I express these opinions to, and I would not share them if there were not anonymity and confidentiality in this study. You have probably heard of “Mens Rights Adovcates” or MRA’s, who I’m sure you have a very negative opinion of, but I would also point to the “Alt Right”, r/K selection, and some evolutionary psychology as a theoretical foundation which makes a case for more traditional gender roles.

another

This is somewhat related to the excitement dimension. I imagine excitement and curiosity go hand in hand. I am not terribly curious about much either. I feel my natural curiosity has gone down since I was a child. This might have to do with depression as well. I might be tired of searching for answers and results, and I just want answers and results already. I used to be interested in abstract thought and considering many different possibilities. Now I get overwhelmed and anxious when confronted with open-ended, complex problems. I feel very indecisive and I feel like it’s very difficult to learn new things, figure things out, and make decisions.

hey now I am getting paid 10 cents for my navel gazing!!!!!!!!

I have NOT done this exact same study, but I have done other studies recently in The bla bla Lab, having to do with political attitudes. Not sure what the study was about. I am much more “racially aware” than average white people and I feel a strong ingroup identity with whites. This is controversial and would probably be viewed as racist, so I don’t go around talking about these things publicly. I think racial identity is important and this is one of the reasons I do not personally support interracial mating. I think it is unfair to the child, who is torn between two worlds and two races. Certainly Yusef probably felt conflicted in his racial identity. Also see cases like Elliott Rodger, who was an Asian-White mix and did the Santa Barbara shootings about 2 years ago. Also we don’t know for sure that Yusef was half white. We don’t know much about his mother other than her name is Green? She could be African-American or maybe racially mixed herself.
I am generally against a multicultural society. I think the more groups we try to include, the more conflict. The melting pot is a nice ideal, but it doesn’t work in practice. I am probably anti-democratic and somewhat fascistic even. I would gladly give up my own right to vote to live in a more stable, monocultural, traditional society. I don’t hate people of other races, but I do put my own race first, and I think the more homogeneous a society is, the more peaceful and stable it will be. Diversity always leads to conflict.
My views could probably be labeled “Alt Right” or nationalistic. Detractors would call these views fascist or racist, and they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. I get along with people of all races but in general I believe there is too much ethnic and cultural diversity in the Western world. I would like to see the US be more like Poland or Hungary in terms of being more resistant to diversity and multiculturalism.
I would be happy to discuss further with the researchers and would love to have dissenting viewpoints like mine discussed in academic studies. I’m not sure if I represent a “silent majority” but I think the rise of Trump is tapping into very real thoughts and feelings of many people, which academics, the media, the government should take seriously, rather than write us off as bitter clingers, gun-toting white Christian rednecks in flyover country, etc. I do think there is plenty of accuracy in stereotypes, but I would not describe “us” as “bitter.”
Also I am somewhat concerned how my controversial political and racial opinions might be influenced by my own lack of success in life and career. Maybe this is all a way of acting-out in reaction to my own sense of powerlessness, so I am adopting a victim status, and being seduced by a charismatic leader.
This probably has something to do with it, but I think more of it simply had to do with me getting older and trying to compete in a competitive world.

went for nice 70 minute walk like a b0ss. hopefully got some vitamin D.

may 24

You have completed the main part of the survey. Before finishing we have an additional request for you which is unrelated to the rest of this survey.

As you probably know, the percentage of voters in the United States presidential elections is relatively low. In 2012 only 55% of the voting age population casted a vote for a president. What could the government do to promote voting in the next presidential elections?

You can write as many ideas as you like. When you are done click ‘next’ to continue.:::::
I am a bit of an outlier here. I am not sure the government should do anything to increase voting. I have my doubts about democracy as a system. I think the vote should be restricted to to married people over age 25, who have children, who work full-time, possibly who own their own home. I think voting is a major responsibility that not every person about 18 is really qualified to do. At the very least I would put a higher age limit on voting, like age 25 as opposed to age 18. My political views changed drastically between 18 and 25.

I am unsure people have the maturity and long-term decision-making skills to choose what is best for the nation. I think many people will choose what is best for their individual short-term interest, and the cumulative impact of all these decisions do not promote long-term stability, security and progress of the nation as a whole. Voters can be easily seduced and influenced by opportunistic politicians. Therefore I would like to see voter turnout reduced by at least 50%, with the restrictions I mentioned above. Also, since we have such lax standards on voting, and so few people are STILL turning out to vote, I think that is a self-selection process which is probably a good thing, in other words, I probably wouldn’t want those people voting anyway.

I would be very willing to restrict my own right to vote, especially since I don’t meet all the criteria I specified above. I believe that voting is a very powerful right that should come with more serious responsibilities than it does. I don’t think the voting age should have been lowered to 18. I might even restrict voting for unmarried young women, as detailed above, and have each family vote as one, rather than each person casting one vote.

I am somewhat concerned with well-qualified voters who are underconfident in their qualifications and thus stay home and do not vote….but this is probably a minority of the people who choose not to vote anyway, and can probably be safely ignored.

I am happy to discuss these rather controversial views at greater length if interested. Please contact me through MTurk if interested. Good luck with your study!

Ideally I would like to be employed full time and making a living wage. Right now I am minimizing expenses by living with family and relying too much on my emergency fund, but I am admittedly at a relative low point of my life and would really like to pull myself out of it. I also have a history of depression and anxiety which makes coping with the normal problems of life very challenging, and which has contributed to a vicious cycle of struggle, failure, and underachievement.

good times hahahah.

In the space below, please write about your life story, as if you’re the hero of your life story.

I do not feel very heroic at the moment unfortunately. I am at a low point of my life as I struggle to find new employment and overcome feelings of personal and professional rejection and very low self-confidence. I feel like a weird outsider who is incapable of doing the bare minimum of life. I am at least getting invitations to job interviews and I am gradually showing more confidence there, but I have not received any job offers yet.

I had a pretty normal childhood with a supportive, loving family. I did well in high school and went to a well-known university. At that point I started going downhill and developing bad attitudes and habits. I graduated with a useless social science degree and a very bad attitude. Ever since then I have struggled massively with the basics of life. I have not established any kind of career trajectory and bounce around from entry level job to entry level job. I am ashamed to talk about my education, that it will make me look like a failure, that I startd out so promising, and did not live up to my potential.

It is also very important to me to have a marriage-like relationship with a woman and have a family someday. I have not even come close to that. I would have liked to have been married by age 27 at the latest, but at age 3x, I am single, lonely, not interested in anyone, and taking a very long time to get over a somewhat recent heartbreak.

I am trying to get a job that does not involve being on the phone with customers more than 50% of the time. I can deal with customers, but to deal with a constantly ringing phone and nonstop phone calls as in a call center, I had a very bad experience with that and I don’t want to return to a job like that.

i was watching law and order with jerry orbach and benjamin bratt and there is a thing where some boys had their initials spell out KILLALLK!KES hahahahahahahahaha and I thought that was pretty kewl.

i mean, i thought it was abhorrent and i am sure this antisemite will go to prison and get pounded in the 4ss hahaha.

mccoy? i thought sam waterston was a j00 hahaha. hmm not j00ish at ALL. english and scottish. well good for him. I am disappointed my radar was off tho. Imean he has bushy eyebrows, beady eyes, and a big nose. oh well. nothing inherently wrong with busy eyebrows .

 

MECHANICAL SARACEN

may 18

had a weird scary dream, technically nightmare, where one of my old school friends had gone completely insane and was K’ing people with a knife, and he had taken me hostage, and I wondered if I could leverage his appreciation of me to let me live, let me go free, or if he was gonna go all the way and K me and K himself hahaha. great dream hahahaha. but at least it didnt involve That Woman at all.

ok today have to Do Due Diligence Research on the County Department so I have intelligent questions to ask when I go in there TOMORROW. yikes. how corrupt is your department. how often do you shut down the average little guy, while taking bribes from oil rich arabs hahahaha. let them take a stinky hummus dump on your daughterz face. hahaha. selling bonds to the chicoms. forcing nonrich whites out while welcoming nonrich section 8 nonwhites in by the truckload hahaha.

there is really a lot of technical shit regarding water resources, water vs sewage and spillways and watersheds and infrastructure and the department heads are all Civil Engineers. I guess given time I could memorize the technical shit on the website but even still there are questions of “WHY tho. that doesnt really answer my question. it just brings up more questions. like why does it HAVE to be that way” which are not answered by the FAQs haha. I guess bring up 2 of those questions in the interview on my part hahahaha.

https://www.mturk.com/mturk/welcome

amazon has this thing with the weird name of mechanical turk where you can do tasks for pennies hahahaha.

i signed up immediately with my amazon account but i need to wait 48 hours for them to approve me darn.

maybe they wont because i bought racist books off amazon haha.

but really it would be too expensive to pay someone to screen me.

or, to buy software that could screen my history against a list of known racist authors hahahaha. get databases and shit to match up, api’s to plug into each other, whatever the fook. so that they could even say, check this guy’s amazon purchases to see if he ever bought a book by david duke or kevin macdonald hahahaha.

how the FOOK are there over TWO HUNDRED employees in this county department. that is several times larger than the department at my last job, and I thought that was big.

so would this be a better job than the post office? well how much do they PAY? how much of the job is damn customer service and Phones? how easy are the phone calls?

also its a 24 mile drive one way hehehe. yikes.  and there is a lot of confusing stuff. i mean yeah i can memorize stuff with flashcards though.

wish i had more certainty about the post office though. heh. i mean it seemed at least 50%. thats what I will tell the county water dept.

to that woman:

i wish you had cared more about My Feelings. to even let me tell you how I felt. but nooooooo.  I just wanted to be heard by you, rather than denied that chance altogether.

also i know Im not entitled to anything. but I wish i was more important, more valuable to you. when you know someone for 2.5 years, its really hard to believe that I left NO impact on you. that you were not invested in me AT ALL. that i meant NOTHING to you and you could just delete me like that. I know thats just not true. I think I DID mean something to you, but i just dont know how much. I know you are too scared to tell me and I wish you had more courage. just tell me that I meant something to you and made an impact on your life. I hope it was a good impact.

i know it ended badly but i really didnt want it to end that way. I was inviting you to talk to me and you never responded to those invitations. there was nothing more I could do without being invasive. Your silence told me that you didnt want to respond. I am not entitled to anything, but I believe that 2.7 years of friendship should “entitle” me to more than absolute silence.

just be willing to listen to me, appreciate this is painful for me, and try to be nicer to me when you are ending this relationship. didnt I mean ANYTHING to you? did I really mean that LITTLE to you? I dont think so. I just think you dont have the COURAGE to be more of an adult about this.

the end for today hahahaha

also its stupid that she treated other men better. she let THEM argue with her. she wouldnt even ARGUE with me. was it because she was SCARED, or DISGUSTED? ILL NEVER KNOW!!!!!!

yet it matters to me, because I would MUCH rather that she was scared like a cowardly animal running away, rather than disgusted by me, the monstrous unlovable weirdo.

ate quesadilla at social event. went 500 calories over budget. it is just SO easy to do. burned 1000 calories at fatness today. saw the woman I see there sometimes around 1:30 pm on wednesdays hahahaha. she is one of my favorite gurls. nice long arms and legs. def not shaped like a potato. she is totally out of my league but also not under 25. she seems bitchy hahaha. i imagine her as being russian or something. she has pale white skin but dark black hair. that is kinda troubling to me. i really hope she is not arab or albanian. i really dont think so.  i like to think i have a better radar of that sort of thing. i should go talk to her but i am terrible and terrified of approaching women. also i have no confidence for that sort of thing.

certainly THAT WOMAN has no shortage of guys APPROACHING her.

but that is the birthright of every woman.

i dont disparage that, i just disparage women who DENY it hahaha. who say “this double standard is a sexist myth. men and women are the same. women cant get pregnant. men can get sex just as easily as women. men can get pregnant too.” hahahahahaha see what i mean? these peopel are stupid as shit, but theyre not so stupid to ever say “men can get pregnant too.”

so how did i approach her? I dont remember AT ALL. there was absolutely NO concerted effort of me to approach. she was the new employee at my job so….i actually did probably approach her and ask if she had any questions, or more likely I was trying to reassure her and say theres nothing to worry about, this job is easy, and fun, so just chill out and dont worry. everyone is nice and i am nice and you dont have anything to worry about. I will help you if you ever have any questions. just relax.

and then we probably got to talking about music early on, and found we had some similarities there, well at least I knew enough to hold a conversation. because her preferred music was not stupid pop or hip hop or hipster shit but stuff I actually knew.

no of course she did not listen to type o negative or NILE, hahahahaha. well, she might have HEARD of TON, plenty of people have. not sure if she was a huge fan. she neer mentioned them. neither did I tho. well see I would prefer a woman who DIDNT like TON because only 30 year old goth sluts like TON. and nile? i mean i only mention these two groups because I’ve been listening to a lot of both of them lately, but the two bands could not be MORE dissimilar. basically goth metal rock and brutal technical death metal. night and day but I like them both. but WOMEN who like stuff like this are usually WEIRD and are better off avoided.

may 20

good lord i got so obsessed with doing amazon mechanical turk “HITs” and making 50 cents an hour that I didnt even write about MUH INTERVIEW, or anything else.

yeah interview went OK and was probably the best so far of any interview. the guy was very nice and friendly. it lasted at least 45 minutes and I actually presented myself fairly well, fairly confidently, like a pretty good normie actually. but the job is admittedly 75% inbound phones. a phone queue taking calls for BILLING on water bills. some expectation of angry, unreasonable customers.

if it were a “back office job” i would be more amenable. if it were less than 25 mile drive one way. if there werent a lot of calls from poor blacks who just want to argue and call you a racis hahaha was an implication they gave. many calls from the shitty ghetto black city in the county. maybe if it was just 50% phones rather than 75% phones. it takes 40 minutes to get there with no traffic. prob take 80 minutes with traffic. one way.

i did ok in the interview, well, i forgot to ask what the PAY was!!!!!! that was my glaring omission. but for most of the 45-50 minutes I composed myself rather well and presented a very normie, confident, competent, conscientious, smart demeanor hahaha. so in other words I have at least a 50% chance of getting an offer!

BUT……I am very ambivalent about wanting the job. regarding the longass drive, and the heavy phone aspect. 75% is better than what I was used to….but I really want more like 50%.

i guess that was the lesson I learned from this interview. 75% phones is not good enough for me.

although I would probably pick this one over the tech support health care call center job because they sounded pretty lax on their metrics. no strict metrics. some flexibility there. but its still so far away and its still 75% phones and its going to largely be hostile blacks demanding explanations that will never be good enough. its not technically a CALL CENTER….but its basically a Mini Call Center with 8 people answering phones out of a Automated Queue. On Headsets. Its a call center, albeit a Mini one. where the call agents are blessed with 25% nonphone work.

if it were closer, I might consider it. it would prob be BETTER than my previous job.

I came home and wrote a thank you email, even though I didnt REALLY want the job, I figured it was the right thing to do. just write them a brief thank you email and then I can turn down any offer for whatever bullshit reason i want.

then I saw I was approved by mturk and then I got wrapped up in that, doing retarded “HIT’s” like a chinese ant-man. But it is interesting, at least for a few days. no way to make a living, but I have made more money in 2 days than I have in like a year playing Poker, where I am Down. Here I am Up. 2 dollars so far. hahaha.

there was one thing where you transcribe german names out of scans of an old german phone book and type the names, occupation, house number, and floor number into a spreadsheet. they paid 7 dollars to transcribe like 1000 names. It literally would have taken 8 hours to complete the “HIT.” (Human Intelligence Task.) 7 dollars for 8 hours of “work” hahahaha. I started doing it and wasted about an hour and then said fook this shit. they need to break this shit up. and offer more money. but 7 dollars for 8 hours of work would be AWESOME for an indian.

I am sure i will get bored of Mturk but it is nonetheless good to have something that even vaguely looks like work tasks. complete with confusing, overlong, but underdescriptive instructions, and no way to ask for clarification hahaha. but some of the tasks are somewhat interesting. like the german phone book was in theory intersting. or this one where you use developer mode of chrome to look for fraudulent affiliate links. the instructions dont explain the WHY of that but I would be curious to know.

HA! I took a social psych study by some anti white marxists doing phdz at umass amherst and was glad they offered a comment box. I wrote a Book:

As a former psychology student and lifelong amateur psychologist, I enjoy reading about and participating in psychology studies. I am also very interested in race and race relations, but I am certain I approach them from a diametrically opposite position than most psychology researchers and university students and faculty. As a young college student I was very liberal and interested in social justice and anti-racism. As I grew older, I became markedly more conservative and also what would be called racist. I don’t think there is any causational effect between the two, however, although there may well be a correlation. In other words, the more conservative one is, we should NOT expect the person to therefore be more racist.

However I identify as having controversial views anyway. I am interested in ideas of white privilege and as a college student 10 years ago at a very left-leaning major university, I can attest to having been somewhat indoctrinated into that mindset. I view it as being young, naive, and wanting to fit in on my part. As I grew older, I maintained my interest in race, which will probably be a lifelong interest, but I began changing my views on race, and indeed, would be considered a hateful racist by most educated, middle-class, professional people. For this reason I keep my views private, because I know racist views can have real effects on one’s career and social life. I don’t think many people would be open to hearing my point of view. There are growing communities online where people discuss the “racial red pill.”

Basically I believe race is NOT a social construct, as is promoted in the university, and that there are definite, measurable differences in intelligence and behavior between races that cannot be explained away by societal causes. However I do believe there are important societal pressures as well.

I consider myself a kind and empathetic person and most believe that all humans are equal in terms of moral, spiritual value. However I do have an affinity for my “team” and view other Whites as my ingroup, and in generally prefer to associate with people of my ingroup. I don’t have anything against other races, but I must wonder if full racial integration really is the best way to go. I am rather segregationalist and nationalist. Some thinkers (either Steve Sailer or Heartiste, but echoed by many others in the “alt-right”, a movement which is gaining attention in 2016 but which will probably be misunderstood wildly by the media and consumers of this media) say “diversity + proximity = conflict”.

In other words, pushing different races and cultures to integrate might be like hammering a square peg into the round hole, destroying both the peg and the hole. It might be more of a win-win to encourage segregation than massive integration.

Or, integration is only beneficial in small proportions, and situations like the refugee crisis in Europe represent an unsustainable “growth” of multiculturalism.

Basically I question the value of extreme multiculturalism, and I wish I had been exposed to these ideas while in college. I believe a very healthy, rigorous debate could be had in the academic setting, but there are currently very few academics willing to challenge the intellectual status quo, which is undeniably Marxist. (Just saying the word “Marxist” will signal me as “rabid right wing racist”!) But having some contact with PhD studies in Psychology and Critical Theory, we can’t really deny the Marxist foundations of influential thinkers like Foucault, Adorno, Marcuse, third-wave feminists, bell hooks. Forgive me for not coming up with more names, it has been a while since I abandoned my own desire to enter academia, influenced largely by what I viewed as its intellectual dishonesty and myopia, and to the authors of this study I mean no offense. However, as Social Psychology PhD students, I am certain you encounter the political aspects of your work every day.

Anyway, I find these studies interesting, but that also my viewpoint is very unique (and very probably statistically insignificant!), but I would love to see well-known universities like UMass Amherst engage “alt-right” thinkers and theories in an open, honest, civil fashion. See Richard Spencer, Kevin MacDonald, Greg Johnson, Millennial Woes, Charles Murray, Pat Buchanan, Taki’s Mag, many more).

hey at least i got paid 50 cents for that! hahahaha. well, not for my UNSOLICITED RACIST OPINION, but for me answering bullshit antiwhite questions.

oooh just got rejection for part time job at local college which I applied to a month ago. an offer has been made and the candidate accepted it. they did not call me for an interview or assessment whatsoever. WEIRD that i cant even get an interview for a part time job, but other places, I can get a full time job with NO interview (shitty tech call center), or have a good chance at getting a full time job with one brief interview (post office, negroes complain mah beelz too high, yall are prejudice, i shouldnt have to pay for mah water, its a basc human right.)

well….maybe water IS a basic human right, but I dont want my JOB to be listening to people complaining about that, and me saying yep it is what it is what it is what it is.

i mean shit. I have no problem answering the phone. but a HIGH VOLUME of phone calls? NO. i’m not talking about sitting there waiting for the phone to ring. I am talking about being ON A CALL. i do not want to be ON A CALL more than 50% of my shift. period.

I dont have a problem with giving in person service. or waiting there for someone who needs service. hahaha. the waiting is great. or doing Tasks not immediately serving a customer. thats ok too.  doing a High Intelligence TASK hahahaha.

oh god heres some more shit i wrote:

Capturing people’s perceptions about Muslims and other groups in the US. Measuring attitudes and beliefs. Once upon a time I considered doing a psychology PhD because I am interested in studying these types of questions as well. I suspect there is a hypothesis that more conservative people are also more prejudiced, or hostile against immigrant or nonwhite groups. As a White conservative, I abhor the idea of having a “victim complex”, however I also don’t want White conservatives to be linked with negative character traits by liberal academics, either.

I identify as being somewhat racist, and I think it’s normal, healthy, and desirable for all people to be a little bit racist. I think it’s a bit absurd the notion put forth by academics, the media, and other middle-class professionals that to be racist is the single worst cardinal sin of our time. I disagree. Certainly to be a violent racist extremist is absolutely a bad thing. But racial awareness, and understand racial differences, I think is simply a mature, responsible, reasonable thing to do, rather than to pretend all people are the same. I wish that “celebrating diversity” had much more of a component of recognizing differences.

I am well aware that not all Muslims are violent terrorists, just like not all White conservatives are violent hate-crime perpetrators. Violence is certainly repulsive to me personally, and I think all human lives have equal value. However, I do identify closely with my racial in-group, which is Whites (European descent), and I look out for the interests of this group moreso than I do the interests of other groups. I find European identity very valuable and I would like it to be preserved into the future. The idea of a “world without race” does not appeal to me.

Perhaps I benefit from “White Privilege” , but in general, I do not like the anti-white, anti-European sentiments in the media and especially in the university.

I am very friendly to everyone I meet, including nonwhites. I keep my racist views very private because I know how socially unacceptable they are. I wish this were not so, and that every race were encouraged in being “a little bit racist.” I would not like to live in a minority-white neighborhood, that is, I prefer to live amongst a majority of other Whites, and I personally have no interest in interracial dating, and I prefer women who share my views here.

My views are probably shaped by the fact that I grew up near a mainly-Black city. The nonwhite ethnic groups I have the most contact with currently are Blacks, Arabs (both Muslim and Christian), and Albanians (mostly Christian.)

I believe one’s personality is at least 60% genetically determined, but things such as one’s childhood, religion, and social class do play a significant role.

I live near a large communities of Arab Muslims. There have been no significant reports of extremist activity from this region during my lifetime. It seems that terrorist extremism is a fairly recently phenomenon. I certainly don’t recall anything of this nature before the late 1990s, and first hearing about bin Laden and such, and then of course since 9/11, terrorism has been a permanently fixture in the news. Is this just because the media and government is choosing to focus on Islamic terrorism more? Has it always been there? I tend to think it is on the rise, at least in western nations, and that we are right to be concerned about it.

So in other words, Muslims who have peacefully lived among us for 20, 30 years I think are very low-risk, but we do have to pay attention to new Muslim migrants and immigrants, since I believe violent extremism is going to be much more prevalent in the younger generation of Muslims.

I am kind of an outlier for your study I’m sure, as a self-identifying White conservative racist with vocal opinions on race. I would certainly be viewed as a “racist redneck” by middle-class professionals. But by all accounts I am a pretty normal person, and I don’t talk about these controversial topics unless with very close friends or family, or in pseudonymous research studies!

I agree with you these are all very important topics. I agree that 99% of Muslims are peace-loving people and productive citizens. But I see no reason to throw the doors open for large numbers of Muslim migrants. I don’t understand why countries like Saudi Arabia or Oman or Turkey are not placed at the highest priority for receiving migrants. Why does it have to be US, Sweden, Germany? There are also troubling stories of migrants being mainly young men. I would be much more sympathetic to women and children and the elderly.

Good luck with your study! I don’t mean to be difficult or hostile. But I do naturally find some friction when taking research studies from social sciences, psychology, political science, sociology, etc, where the research authors probably have political views diametrically opposed to my own, and are probably trying to prove hypotheses very different that what I would try to prove. But I am happy to talk at length about race and politics!

hehehe the end. i am gettng my blogging out by doing paid studies and then writing my racist opinions in the comment boxes, to marxist leftist phds making more money than i ever will, by doing studies to show how horribly racist white racists like me are!

Great questions here, which people have been asking since the dawn of time, including myself. I think people are 60/40 nature/nurture. I don’t believe in a “blank slate.” I believe genetics and race has a strong influence on people’s personalities, but so does their upbringing. People do have the ability to change as adults, but the older you get, the harder it is I believe, and the less likely and harder it is for them to change. But with strong will and good support system, it can be done. I do believe in good and evil, and that mostly good people can do evil things, and vice versa. We are basically the sum total of the moral decisions we have made. Great study, I am very interested in morality, personality, and nature/nurture. I think there is some forces we can’t control, but some things we can. I do believe in free will….to an extent. However even if a criminal or bully was abused as a child, they are still to “blame” for their cruel behavior later. It might explain their behavior, but does not justify it whatsoever. Many people who are abused break that cycle of abuse and do not go on to abuse other. Not sure how many.

a more interesting study on morality, free will, blame, self determination, nature and nurture. how you think of a bully when you learn he was abused as a child, and thats why hes a huge asshole now. doesnt make that ok though.

Interesting study. I only recently discovered MTurk and wonder sometimes about the average MTurker. I am also personally interested in the subject of NEETs and would like to see more academic studies on NEETs, especially the internal thoughts and feelings, psychological problems, self confidence, life experiences of NEETs. I am not a NEET but I have come close. In this way I might not represent an “average person” and therefore might be considered statistically insignificant to your study.

comment on a study asking about a time I wielded POWER. I responded that I hadn’t wielded power at all really, and kind of feel powerless, and it sucks!

 

Personal experience
In this part, we are interested in a personal experience of yours.

Please recall a time when you acted in such a way that you felt guilty or ashamed.

Perhaps you were disloyal to a friend, were greedy when you should have shared, were mean to someone for no particular reason, or uncaring toward someone who needed you.

Please describe the situation: When was it, who was involved, what did you do, how did you feel?

You can write as much as you like:::::::

I felt extremely guilty and ashamed recently when a relationship ended suddenly and intensely. I am a male and had a female friend who I became quite close with over the course of several years. At this late point, I started to develop more romantic, intimate feelings towards her, and hoped that she felt the same way and we could become more than friends. She clearly did not feel the same way. I invited her to talk about this difficult situation so we could try to smooth things over and have open communication with each other, but she was unwilling to meet or to have a conversation with me, and our complicated friendship ended immediately. Her complete unwillingness to talk to me or even listen to me made me feel that I had done something horribly wrong, like betray her trust. I felt treated like a bad person, so I felt like I was a bad person who had done a bad thing. I felt completely to blame for the way the relationship ended. But I was also very conflicted, because I knew rationally that I hadn’t really done anything wrong or hurtful, albeit it was awkward and uncomfortable. It took me a long time to accept that I was not a bad person who did a horrible thing. It’s very important to me to be a nice, kind, good, moral, trustworthy person. I would never intentionally betray someone. So to be treated like I had betrayed a friend made me feel horrible. It took months for me to begin to accept that I had NOT done something horrible, and that my former friend shared some responsibility for the way this relationship ended. I was not expecting them to return my feelings; but I did really want them to just sit down and talk with me, or at least communicate with me somehow. People do have the power to exit a relationship in a way that minimizes pain for the other person. I feel she did not make any effort to do that. I still feel self-blame, like if I hadn’t developed special feelings, I never would have pushed her away like that. But I also feel upset that she could have reacted a little more compassionately. It was a time of tremendous pain that took at least 9 months to get over.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE AND THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT

april 27

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/blocked.-no-break-up-no-closure.-silent-treatment.-stonewalling.-853786.html

http://archive.is/Jf0pc

because this site has ….. in its URLS which is NOT a best practice, they should talk to a center of excellence. how do you get hired if you dont KNOW best practices?

well they cant check everything. weve got metrics and deadlines, we cant check everything on all of our candidates. still a god damn computer science grad should know better. i dont think they are hiring shaneequa jankins to build this website. well, maybe they actually ARE. like i say, the incompetence and shoddiness of Business and the Work people do is SHAMEFUL. and frustrating. and mind boggling.

april 28

going to take drug test, i took small #1 and only expelled a portion but hopefully not too much. this shit is so stupid.

like i say its shameful you cant trust the companies you pay for service, to give you good service.

how is this anything new or shocking? its not, but it sucks when its your job to give that service. the customers are rightfully angry, you are flustered and angry, because you want to help them, but you cant figure out how, and your company is very unwilling to give help or permission because you found a way to pull a GOTCHA on the customer. you signed the contract goy.

and telling you work faster. i dont know HOW, but figure out a way to work faster. streamline your workflow. talk to other people on your level. trim the fat. cut corners.

well when i

ok took the drug test, they were very nice and professional and didnt seem to hate their lives or jobs. they probably had husbands and children. the cup i urinated in was very fancy and looks like it cost the US taxpayers a lot of money hahahaha.

I wrote my resignation / quitting / giving up email to the recruiter saying nope sorry cant start at the call center on monday, but as a sign of good will and i’d like to work with you in the future, here’s some inside information on whats going on at my old employer, and heres a list of 30 fooking names of people there, who could very well be interested. Gave them names, linkedins, and some personal emails too. I said PLEASE keep me anonymous/confidential. also said the managers might want to help but might have their hands tied. the Big Boss will very likely be of no help. so maybe try talking to a level 1 and see if they can give you any more names and contacts.

assuming what other peoples jobs will entail because nobody knows how to do their jobs, and I have to know Everything About Everything,

YOU HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I googled to see if there was any business news about layoffs at the company, and found a facebook page visited by people who work there. a bunch of familiar names. everyone was joking around with each other and trying to be funny. including That Woman. Her profile picture was not discernable. it was fuzzy and blurry and dark and couldnt see her face thank god. and of course i could not click on it. I was not signed into facebook, i have been deactivated for 9 months, remember hahahaha.

still i was not happy to see her Handling Everything Well, laughing and joking.

I was angry and jealous that she was able to WITHSTAND and SURVIVE and the job did not bother her as much, and because of this faces a promising career in help desk bullshit. when I cant even stomach the idea of going to another call center and doing another stupid tech support case. she is strong and i am weak. i was jealous of her for that. why couldnt she help me and give me some of that strength to carry on.

so yeah she will have no problem getting a new job, and would probably not think twice about going to this new call center. she would say yeah it sucks but gotta pay dem bills and go to work. just suck it up and do it. whereas I go crazy and think oh god its gonna push me to my breaking point and im not gonna be able to HANDLE IT!!!!! because that has happened before.

fook its happened to her before. I just wish it happened to her here. or recently hahahaha.

But yeah I included her name and email in my list of people to the recruiter.

and after crafting this email with 30 names, hand picked linkedin links, emails, lots of in depth analysis and thought, i say this is probably confidential, and she replies with a 1 sentence thing saying they already know about this, its not confidential, sorry you can’t make it, please feel free to give us referrals.

I JUST GAVE YOU 30 NAMES!!!!!!!

I met the woman in person and she was nice but I think she is just an idiot on email.

So I sent the email as well to the younger, probably more email savvy recruiter.

so what if you already know about this? who’s on your list of names? I guarantee I got you some new personal email addresses. a thank you would be nice hahaha.

cuz its very possible word has gotten out and the people here know about the recruiter and the recruiter has been talking to them……but its equally possibly that no. people are just keeping stuff like this secret. it was kind of a secret keeping place. and cliques and such. I gave them names that covered ALL cliques. even people I didnt particularly like. people that might be fooking That Woman hahahaha. because nobody there deserves to be DOWNSIZED.

watch they contact HER and tell her I gave them her email hahahahaha. when I blatantly said PLEASE keep me ANONYMOUS.

heh. i just hate thinking of her moving forward with life and me staying STUCK just like i have been STUCK for 12 years hahaha.

and that I was just dead weight and toxic to her, that her life was better with out me.

we all have Toxic People who are best to cut out of our lives. Bad influences that drag you down. you’re better off without them. Or we have at least known people like that at some point in our lives.

its TERRIBLE for your confidence and self esteem, when YOU are one of those people for someone else!

when THEY are a very positive influence in YOUR life, and you are a very NEGATIVE influence on THEIR life!!!!!

and you’re stuck on them, and stuck in life, and they move upward and onward in life! and they cant help you nor do they want to help you. I imagine seeing her again in 5 years and she is making 100 grand a year and i am making 10 grand a year and she is like oh how sad, welp have a good life loser! sorry not sorry! thats what you get for making bad decisions and being a weakling who cant handle work! maybe if you werent such a cowardly pussy!

hahaha well YOURE the one who was cowardly to ME and YOURE the one who fooks deadbeats you fookin whore hahahaha. in an ideal world, I would be making 100 k a year because you cant even spell YOURE right and youre a horrible problem solver in Technology, how the hell did you get promoted to manager.

well im done with all that. i sent them a bunch of names and emails and linkedins, including HERS.

then in 10 years she will look back and remember me as a pathetic sad loser who couldnt cope with life and she is done hanging out with losers, he was an ok guy but DAMN was he a SAD LOSER, sorry not sorry, I just dont need that, i’m a successful winner, dont let anyone bring me down.

rather than remembering me as a good person who was once her good friend and we got along really really well.

which is how I will remember her. damn. a good person and we got along really well and it was really SAD how it all ENDED.

and now she is coping with the place closing very well, very mature, having a positive attitude, joking around with all the coworkers she gets along very well with. i think about how she is doing all the time, and she never thinks about how I am doing hahaha.

i think it upset me just to go to that facebook page which was kind of set up as an unofficial place for employees to bitch about the company, quite rightfully. MIGHT NOT be the best idea to put your name out there so that anyone can see it though! also it wasnt super in depth. there was like less than 5 posts and nothing too harsh or emotional. just people making light jokes like they weren’t losing their jobs.

and i was upset just to see HER NAME there, evidence of her making one insubstantial remark on this page, like you are the best team ever!! smiley.  and i would see her name, her talking, her picture of some dark blurry blob and thank god not her face, and I would get angry that she was still working there, she was doing fine, she was handling adversity well, she was friends with her Team Members, and she doesnt give a FOOK about me, her once good friend that she just walked away from without a word. And that I still cared about her and she couldnt care about me LESS.

I can look at other people’s names that work there, but just seeing her NAME as posting on facebook was very TRIGGERING for me and I wish I hadn’t even seen her NAME. evidence of her out there in april 2016, interacting and socializing and coping and surviving and carrying on like a fookin normie, struggling and winning rather than struggling and LOSING.

EVERYBODY struggles. just some people win that struggle and others lose. bit by bit. you have wins and losses. and at some point one starts to outweigh the other.

basically it is just too much to see evidence of her existing post our big falling out. I still want her. I dont want her enjoying life without me. I want her to be upset about me. In the sense that something of value was lost. I want to MATTER to her even just a LITTLE bit. I want her to think of me like I still think of her.

its gotten better though thank god, after fookin 9.6 months, but seeing her name on facebook is still enough to trigger me.

i wrote a hugeass reply on despairforums, coming back from hiatus there:

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/?do=findComment&comment=1280052

QUOTE

Thanks for the update. I have been on hiatus from the forums unfortunately.  I can relate to that feeling, I have long felt alienated and an outsider and a misanthrope etc. Like in Dostoyevesky’s “Notes From Underground,” the famous narrator, “I am a sick man, I am a spiteful man…” etc, haha.  But I also feel like the world is more “sick” than I am, we live in a fallen world and people are no good, etc. Yeah it’s pretty rough!

When I was at my best, I still had pretty extreme and unpopular beliefs, but I also got along with everybody pretty well, was friendly to people and they were friendly to me, and I thought it was kind of funny that they had no idea that I had some pretty far-out political and moral beliefs.  Also, I think that our “far-out” beliefs do have a good kernel of basic common sense to them that nobody would really think is weird, for example: Men and women are different. Different cultures are different. Try to do no harm to others. Try to be an honest, decent person. Treat others as you want to be treated. Try to do the right thing. Don’t be a d1ck to people. Show respect for yourself and others. Don’t lie, cheat, or steal. Don’t use people like objects. Realize that it’s great to be rational and logical, but unfortunately people are irrational quite a lot of the time.  Just very basic, simple, obvious common-sense lessons any reasonable person would agree with. So I try to find common ground with people on things like that.

Unfortunately it can be hard to do that if you are not very social, or have a bad work situation, which unfortunately are not uncommon situations for us despairing introverts, haha. I think if I were working an average job with average people, things would be a lot better. I could enjoy holding my “extreme” beliefs, and also enjoy not feeling like a total outsider, stranger, alien, weirdo, etc. But having an average job with average people is, again, a very tall order. I have not been working for months and that has certainly affected own self-respect and confidence in my ability to do just about anything: talk to people, figure out problems, “act normal”.

I don’t have any advice and I would hate being given unsolicited advice! I am just sharing my experience. I have held pretty unpopular beliefs for a while, and have been at personal high points and low points regardless of those beliefs. At the low points I felt my beliefs were really extreme and alienated me from other people. At the high points I was able to have a better perspective on it all, and find some basic, but important common ground with people, in terms of those Basic Life Lessons I mentioned above. Then I might use our mutual agreement on those issues to start carefully discussing things that might not be so popular. This is what I mean by “hiding your power level.”

Also it can be discouraging to view your own beliefs as being “anti-everything”…..even if that’s kind of what they are. For example, like you I am very anti-SJW, anti-feminism, anti-PC, all that stuff. That’s all fine and I will always be anti those terrible things, haha, but I started use less “anti” language, and saying here’s the things I stand for. Or viewing yourself as a “Neoreactionary” or an “Anarcho-Capitalist” or “Radical Traditionalist” or “Nationalist” or “Alt-Right” or “Alt-Left” or “Hoppean Paleolibertarian” hahaha, or whatever might be a sensible “label” that doesn’t involve the word “anti.” I guess this presumes a comfortability in associating with a label, which once I was not, but now I am. More or less, haha.

For a while I was hardcore MGTOW but ultimately it was just too bleak for me, as I personally could not stomach the “avoid all women” aspect of the most extreme MGTOWs. I simply value women too much and struggled to find an “appropriate” view/perspective on women. Feminism sure wasn’t it, but the most extreme modern MGTOW wasn’t much more hopeful for me. I mean the stuff like artificial wombs and “2D Waifus” and such.

Basically I came to a more traditional view which hardcore Mgtows would definitely call “White Knighting”, but it’s a much better belief system for me to live with. Maybe I am closing my eyes to reality, taking the blue pill, or maybe I am creating my own reality, haha.

Some men have no problem not dealing with women at all whatsoever. So for them, extremist MGTOW makes sense and doesn’t give any inner conflict. For someone like me, though, who would like to get married and have children someday, I needed a belief system that was more in line with my personal desires and goals.

For me, a general transition from Libertarian MRA toward Rightist Nationalist Traditionalist was very useful. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach though!

And since I don’t interact with people every day at a job any more, that increases my sense of isolation and “weirdness.” In other words, I feel like a “weirdo” within myself.

It would probably help to have super close friends that you can talk about these things with, and they can reassure you that you are not weird…..but I’m guessing most of us don’t have those kinds of close friends! It would probably be nice though. I have had close friends at points in my life where there was that sense of “intimacy,” and I remember it as being a very good, supportive thing.  And it kinda sucks to want that kind of connection with somebody but not have it, then sometimes you seem “desperate” in wanting it, and that is even more frustrating, etc etc etc.

Anyway, posting on these forums is a good substitute for that I think.

I have been absent from this forum and also from my “weird, extreme” political forum for a few weeks now as I have intensified my job search exponentially, and that’s been a positive change. Accomplishing more actual tasks, and less time on the forums. The forums are GREAT, but I think it can reach a plateau of usefulness after looking at it too much.

I just sat down and started blasting out resumes and cover letters and applications, making a game out of it, trying to beat my “high score” of how many I could accomplish in one day. Starting off small and working my way up. As I did that every day, I began to get more “Streamlined” in terms of managing my 600000000000 documents, resumes in 20 different places, the most efficient ways of searching indeed.com, most efficient ways to job search basically.

This actually resulted in some “progress” on the job front, which while it hasn’t led to a job yet, did boost my confidence a bit, and makes it seem more hopeful that I am capable of getting a job.

I have noticed that Call Center jobs seem to be relatively easy to get, and often have full-time openings and a wage higher than $10 an hour, haha. A staffing agency basically handed me a Technical Support Call Center job on a silver platter, quite decent money, but…..I would caution that the Call Center environment can be absolutely excruciating and hellish beyond one’s wildest nightmares. My last job was in such a setting and I simply cannot fathom going back to anything remotely like that. I think because the call center is such a universally-loathed environment is why there is such availability of jobs in them.

I would not recommend such a position to any of us on this forum unless at the absolute rock bottom of desperation.

I felt bad turning down a well-paying job that so many people would be very happy to have. But something “smelled fishy” about the company, and I’m just not desperate enough to take a job in a call center, thank God.

Some people actually have better-than-horrible experiences and could testify Not All Call Centers Are Like That. Good for them I say, but I just don’t want to take the chance at this time. The time may come where I am not so privileged, but until then, I will pursue other types of jobs.  Just saying if you get super desperate and want to try something challenging, you could find a “tech support help desk” job easier than other jobs. Some fortunate people are able to turn it into a decent career. It helps if you are very strong and confident emotionally. Unfortunately, I was not.

What I would do is build my Indeed Resume and use that to apply to as many postings on Indeed as I could. I have one Master Resume in a text file which I copy and paste to all my other resumes as needed. The master resume is super long, having everything and anything. I know you are only “supposed” to have a one page resume, but I always send them the Big Resume first. If I get an interview then I will bring them the Long Resume AND a condensed one-page resume. I only had one interview, and it was a very informal interview with a recruiter. I think that was better than a proper interview with a company, less pressure. Another recruiter offered me the high-paying tech support call center job WITHOUT an interview, just looking at my resume. That was part of what I mean that the whole situation was “fishy.” Turns out the company has a terrible reputation and is a revolving door of employees all saying it is the worst place in the world to work.

On the Indeed “Quick Apply” jobs you submit your Indeed resume, and there is a box for a cover letter (optional.) In this box I copy and paste a one-paragraph “statement of interest” where I fill in the company’s name Talent Acquisition Team and play around with business jargon and BS. Stuff about being a motivated self-starter ready to hit the ground running and add value to your team in the Machine Operator position. Include name, phone and email here as well.

Gradually I find ways to improve my resume. So I go back to the Master resume, then copy that back over to my Indeed resume.  Also I began experimenting with LinkedIn. So I copy the Master Resume to Indeed and to LinkedIn.

Of course a lot of jobs aren’t even posted on indeed. Stuff like City, municipal, county jobs, hospital jobs. I make documents and notes and lists of all these places so I don’t forget to check them.  I use sticky notes on the computer desktop, and use Notepad++ for all my Word Processing needs because I prefer working with txt files and then just copy and paste them wherever needed. Also it allows me to have 15 documents open at any given time: master resume, short resume, 1 paragraph cover letter, 3 paragraph cover letter, ongoing job search notes/journal including all the places I’ve applied to, unofficial transcripts, list of references with addresses phones emails, a couple letters of recommendation I’ve been fortunate enough to get, a list of companies and websites NOT on indeed, the biggest employers in the city, the biggest employers in the county, a place to copy my sticky notes when I get too many sticky notes. Basically I need a lot of documents open. One could do the same thing with Word or Notepad or Open Office or whatever you want, I just wanted something to quickly access a lot of different documents easily. I sync all these to my Google Drive so I can access them anywhere if needed.

Also double check if you are able to get any official college transcripts online. I only had unofficial transcripts but then I checked the college websites recently and discovered you could download an official transcript as a PDF, complete with official seal and signed security certificate, so that’s an easy but useful thing to have.

Then I save all emails regarding confirmation of applying to an Applied Jobs Folder. Save all rejection emails to a rejections folder, hahaha. That is definitely frustrating, but I guess it’s better to get a rejection email than absolutely nothing at all.

I have been applying with any staffing or temp agencies in the area I can find. They have made me take some online skills tests.

Sometimes it gets ridiculous. I was invited to take an “assessment test” for a pretty low-paying part time job. There were 30 people in a room on a Saturday morning to take a 100 question multiple choice test that took me almost 2 hours to complete. I have no doubt some people walked out because they thought the test was overkill for the actual job, but IMHO it was better than a call center. I am being invited back for a second round of tests for that one, haha. This is all before even having an interview.

So yeah, it’s funny that I have taken a number of assessment tests online, some in-person assessment tests, several urine drug tests, sent out dozens of resumes, cover letters and applications, and had one actual job offer (call center)……but I haven’t had a single real interview. Except for an informal talk with a recruiter who said they might have a data entry job for me. I am hoping for a call back on that one. Not a call center!!

If I had any courage I would do it old-school style: get a list companies in an x-mile radius and just start CALLING them on the phone. Is the manager available, Are you hiring people right now, Are you accepting resumes, hi my name is bla bla and I am available immediately to hit the ground running and help your team be more profitable, I’d love to talk to you about how I may add value, bla bla. And then just spend all day making phone calls and calling people. Unfortunately, I am very phone-shy and have not tried this. If you have no problem with the phone though, it’s definitely worth a try.

I also went to the thrift store because I wanted to look for a “new” suit coat. I was able to find something pretty good for a low price. Wearing that to my “interview” with the recruiter definitely was a confidence booster, and really confidence is the most important thing to have. Which I don’t, so I have to fake it, so anything that makes it easier to fake it is appreciated.

If you can get a tailored suit from men’s wearhouse or something with perfectly matching coat and pants, that would probably be ideal, but there are workarounds for that, haha. Also I have heard that a plain white dress shirt does better in interviews than a dress shirt with stripes. I think this is probably BS though, haha.

Reading articles on LinkedIn Pulse and TheMuse.com and that kind of stuff can be really good for developing your ability to speak the BS Language of Business and give you powerful words and phrases to use in your resume and cover letters and interviews. After a while it gets so frustrating you have to stop reading though. I don’t recommend taking that stuff too seriously, but I also don’t recommend getting angry about it like I often do! “What kind of people talk and think like this! This is SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!” hahahaha.

Finally, I have a “what to say during the interview” file where I write everything I could possibly say in an interview that makes me sound like a winning Team Member. This includes lots of copy pasted stuff from articles on Linkedin and Themuse.

For my quasi-interview with the recruiter, I condensed this 100 page document down to 2 pages so that I could bring it with me to the interview and remember to say it.

Basically my goal is to get a new job and put a terrible, confidence-destroying year behind me, where I kind of had a breakdown, lost the job, got heart broken, felt like a real screw-up and loser.

Of course a job is no cure-all, just like a woman is no cure-all. But I think a decent job, as well as a decent relationship, can go a long way in building one’s self-confidence, and when you are totally devoid of one or both, it can really destroy you confidence. Believe me I know how impossible it is to get either one, I’ve never really had either one!

Anyway it sounded like your previous job was not a healthy environment, just like my previous job was not a healthy environment. In the short to medium term, it’s bad to be out of a job, but in the long term, if we can possibly find a better job, then it will all be worth it.

Of course, I worry “what if I DONT find a better job, and can only hope to find a WORSE job?”

Those are the kind of thoughts I really have to fight.

Anyway I think if you (or I, haha) can find a halfway tolerable new job, in your case not with a stupid d1ckhead manager and in my case not in a horrible stressful call center, that will greatly increase your confidence and you won’t feel like such a “weirdo” for your beliefs, and will find it easier to find basic common ground with people.

Keep us posted!

END DF POST

then a guy responded with a beautiful friends first story and how “the perfect woman had been right there in front of him this whole time. we have been married for 17 wonderful years.”

so I responded with:

DF POST

that is a great story of how you met your wife. I am a huge fan of these “friends first” stories because I think it is a very good way to begin a strong, long-term relationship. An ideal way, for me, at least. Unfortunately, “friends first” also has its pitfalls, such as the “friendzone” or in some cases, bitter and sad heartbreak, haha.

I don’t take the “friendzone” as seriously as some, because to me it’s a non-issue. If I express feelings and they say sorry, let’s just be friends, then I would more than likely work to “peacefully detach” from the person, because IMHO, a real and healthy friendship simply cannot exist when there is such an imbalance of feelings. If I had a female friend who had one-sided feelings for me and I was putting her in the “friendzone”, I would say something like: Yeah, the friendzone is BS, because I know you don’t want to be just friends with me. I appreciate this is a real tough situation for you, and it’s probably best if we spend some time apart.

In other words, I just don’t understand these friendzone situations where one person is pining for months and years…..and the other person is ok with that. I would not want to be on either side of that.

And I have to share my horror story as well! Here, the Friendzone would have been very preferable! I was very close and got along very well with my female friend, just as you did. It took a long time, but I eventually developed feelings for her, and really hoped it would work out, because we knew each other so well, and for a long time, and had a good connection, and knew and trusted and supported each other. Unfortunately, she was horrified or disgusted or just completely overwhelmed that I had feelings for her, and she walked away without a word as I desperately begged her to please talk to me. It was the complete opposite of “let them down gently”, hahaha. It more than broke my heart, it turned my world upside down, and has taken a very long time to even make SOME progress in getting over it all. The fact that we were good friends made the ultimate heartbreak even worse, as did the harsh suddenness of the way it all came crashing down.

I guess this is the risk we all take in making ourselves vulnerable and offering our heart to others, haha. Sometimes you are the bug and sometimes you are the windshield, haha.

But I still love the idea that men and women can be friends and then gradually develop into something more. IMHO, it’s much more beautiful than the “hook-up culture” where people get physical very fast, and go through the motions of a relationship over the short-term, and go through a revolving door of shallow, short-term relationships, never really knowing the other person before getting bored and discarding them. (And in many cases, are rejected before even reaching the point of short-term “dating”!) It is a beautiful thing to build a long-term relationship from a basis of mutual respect and appreciation where you already have a real friendship with the person.

So thank you for sharing a story of success here, just to give some hope that it can happen! So far I have only experienced the very negative side of this, but would very much like to have an experience like yours.

END DF POST

hahahaha.

BE MORE EFFICIENT = CUT CORNERS; BE GENTLE WITH PEOPLES HEARTS AS A GENERAL RULE OF LIFE

april 26

had somewhat weird dream, did not include the woman, but included references to at least three other women. one was “woman4” aka “woman2005b”. the two other women in the dream were gurls that I was fond of in my middle school years. back in the 90s hahahaha. but i  never became friends with them or talked to them. one was a disgusting problem mudshark badboi luver even at age 14 hahahaha. mudshark slut at 14. not a good sign. turrible choice, total trash, but for some reason i was fixated on her. other one was a much better choice: a happy healthy nice sweet gurl also in my grade who I really should have made an effort with. kind sweet girl, nice, pretty, i dont know why i wasnt more obsessed with her at the time. would have been a good wife and mother of children. If i knew her just a years later, i prob would have fallen in totes luv with her.

this all might be my brains way of telling me SEE, you can get feelings for other women too, like you had for THAT woman, you also had feelings for at least 3 other women, so, you WILL get over this.

or maybe its suggesting that That Woman was a mix of many women, many traits: she was super nice and kind and friendly like that one nice gurl, AND she was a bit of “rebel” because of her MJ and rock and roll music, AND she was a Mudshark In Training, but not a huge mudshark or huge slut, and she was cold and uncaring too hahaha.

TLDR: I should have just got with the nice sweet brown haired girl in middle school and lived happily ever after. too bad i didnt know her in high school. you hear of high school sweethearts but never middle school sweethearts. i think you are just too young to make those decisions at that age. hahahha. kind of like how at age 18 you are too young to make long term decisions about college and career. you just want to fook and smook MJ and drink and fook like a degen1993r hahahaha. But its also a good time to be married to your high school luver and start having keeids. i mean you CAN work and support keeids. you just cant make great decisions about fookin grad skool and what your career will be in 10 years. you need a lot of firm guidance to keep you on the straight and narrow and not turn into a wayward degen1993r. a young wife and kids and steady job would probably do that for you.

well some industrious, initiative showing 18 year olds are able to get FT jobs, and by the time they are 21, they are management tier, and they never lose that. they go to another company and start as a manager.

poor me, i keep getting knocked down to level 1 and have never advanced beyond level 1! and i’m way older than 21!!!!!! and I might be old enough to be the father of an 18 year old hahahaha.

fook. she was always a poor me im a victim of circumstance, woe is me, i get shit on, im a victim, too. i dont know if she wanted pity and sympathy, maybe. I like getting pity and sympathy a LITTLE bit. also she had a legit tuff life and just a lot of bad stuff happened. just unfortunate.

but yeah i just get angery thinking about her moving up in her career, like a NORMIE, while i keep moving DOWN. who moves DOWN? LOSERS. who moves UP? NORMIES.

well i HAVE moved UP though. job2013 to job2015 was a big step up in terms of status and money. and also ungodly stress and being pushed to your LIMIT. theres a difference between getting out of your comfort zone, and being on the verge of a nervous breakdown all the time hahahaha.  the difference between Eustress and Distress. I cant believe some management asshole invented the word Eustress.  GET IN THE OVEN NOW.

i remember that slut mudshark white trash girl from middle school still looked bangable somewhat recently, I looked her up on facebook hahaha. maybe she would bang me if i contacted her because she thinks im successful and rich now because i was a huge smartie dork in middle school. hahahahaha jokes on her. whos the real asshole here hahahaha. i would just bang her in the ass 6000000 times before I revealed I was neither rich nor successful hahahaha. just blow her 30 year old ass OUT.  i dont recall seeing any babies or black boifrans in the pictures. i did see a Big Guy white trashy boifran in some pictures tho hahaha.  like a 36 year old guy who in 2016 his favorite band is pantera, who has to be bribed with tons of secs in order to dress up in a shirt and tie for a special occasion hahahaha because only faggots wear anything but pantera tshirts all the time hahahaha. and have tattoos of skulls and white zombie devil girls or some shit. and at age 36 thinks its awesome to be smooking tons of MJ and drinking tons of beer and whiskey. but he makes an ok living at his construction job and has moved up to foreman or supervisor or some shit. he will probably get hooked on Opioids for back pain. and become an even more surly and angry Opioid Addict hahahaha. and she is hopelessly in luv with that guy. will give 200% to him. give him all the chances in the work. make an effort to make it work with him.

i dont know why i liked her. because she was really hawt thats why. and I thought it was so sad that she was throwing herself away on such trashy guys. i wanted to totally be her white knight. why couldnt she be a NICE GURL. she must be breaking her fathers heart. did her father even CARE? she had a sister who wasnt such a bigass whore….or was she? anyway I kinda knew she was a Bad Choice, and I was vaguely aware of that Nice Gurl being a much better choice…..the timing was just bad. if i were to meet that nice girl just a few years later. maybe i should look HER up. i dont want to go on facebook though. i think i DID look her up but couldnt find her.

anyway who cares. i am going to this unpaid orientation meeting for the call center 17 dah job. why am i not even nervous about that? because its not the actual job. im going to the recruiters office. not the job site where the actual phones are answered and minds lost hahaha.

does andrew zimmern the joo still smook MJ or is he totally clean. i want him to do a show on his drug addict past.

once again went to fatclub yesterday and saw this woman who used to work with Me and That Woman. I never really talked to this other woman so now when I see her at the fatclub I ignore and avoid her hahahaha. I guess I could try to bang her but she seems kinda bitch and crazy. would be fun to bang but not fun to hang out with hahahaha.

so you dont hang out with them! just bang them and leave! the more you hang out with them not bnaging them, the less they want to bang you anyway.

but i dont like her slutty tattoos and I always make remarks about her getting fooked by n1993rs hahahaha. or just getting fooked by large numbers of random white guys too. the shadier the better. its not a great thing to get fooked by tons of white guys either. especially when you pick the most degenerate ones. why not pick a nice winner making 80k as an engineer? honestly LOTS of tall handsome white boys become engineers. make 80 grand a year and make the best husbands and fathers. yet you gotta pick the white deadbeat who drinks and drugs too much and cant hold down a job, but hes tall and sexy and mysterious badboi hahahahaha.

pick the badboi who has a chance of supporting you and your children! there are some good badboys out there who can be good providers! why cant women differentiate the good badboys from the bad badboys?  because the good badboys dont seem BAD enough? because its TRULY BAD to be a bad provider?

well I’m the worst provider there ever was! date me! let me fook you! please! hahahaha.

hopefully today I will learn more about the shitty call center job and have another chance to be like listen, recruiters, I had a really bad experience. can’t you PLEASE just find me a simpler data entry job? something with lots of excel, not a lot of customer contact, and not a god damn call center? i dont CARE that I have over a year of recent call center experience on my resume! i want to move AWAY from that!!!!!!!!

ok had the meeting. there were 2 higher up ish recruiters there, one Hawt Young entry level recruiter, and one….i dont know, advocate or liasion who was technically working or the agency, but worked right at the client site. turns out the client could not handle their own staffing needs to recruit a Sufficiently Professional Staff. everyone they hired, enticing them with an attractive wage, was not “professional” enough to satisfy the company or its callers, could not meet the service level agreements.  problems with attendance. problems with phones. problems with following the rules. one new employee smoking cig in the building, causing fire alarm for whole building and like 20 minute shutdown of the Call Center. He was Terminated.

uhhh 51 out of 60 of the people placed by the recruiter were still there.

the company merged with another company recently who began taking actions about quality.

this tells me that the company is not training the employees enough and holding them to unrealistic standards.

so fire the people who cant keep up, and hire an outside recruiter to try to find Better People….with even better pay. so we sign an NDA to not discuss our wage with anybody. because we will be making moar than some people there.

is this all code for blacks who talk really black on the phone?

or flustered people that sound like they dont know what theyre doing because how do you train people, and level 2 doesnt want to escalate cases?

but there would be some training in the huge expensive epic emr system. valuable training that normally costs thousands of dollars for this demonic, evil program hahahaha.

there was only one other candidate in there with me. a dorky young man but who seemed fairly normie and confident and not a fat autist neet. he had worked with pharmacies and emrs before.

well i do know if you miss a day in your first 90 days, you are terminated hahahaha.

the guy who got fired for smoking called the temp agency and said can you find me another job. they said nope sorry.

so i am worried that if i ragequit, then i am burning muh bridges with the temp agency to get me a nice data entry job with no phones.

holy shit, the glassdoor and indeed reviews are worse than i ever expected. it sounds even worse than my previous employer hahahah. terrible management, thrown to the wolves, a guy working 100 hour weeks and getting fired was the best day of his life, very cliquish, good performers never get promoted, impossible to become a good performer, give better service to “big dog” clients, lip service, warm bodies to answer the phone, impossible deadlines, death march, work through lunch, etc. no help, no one to back you up, just to tear you down, the talented lower level employees make this company run, but show them no thanks, and just work them to insanity, so many people are leaving, etc.

it sounds worse than i ever expected! and lots of it due to a takeover by another company in 2014. an indian company that seems to want to offshore everything and only pays lip service to providing good service to its customers. and if they treated their customers the way they treated their employees…..they wouldnt have a company any more. this is a sinking ship. walk dont run. this is what the reviews said from many disgruntled employees hahahah.

now i just heard that my former employer is shutting the department down completely. EVERYONE is out of a job forever there. holy SHIT. I figured this was gonna happen within 2 years, but now this soon!

meaning, That Woman is permanently out of a job.

heh. well she could probably get in at this other shitty place.

april 27

ok i already lost sleep worrying about this stupid call center job. i think i am gonna say NO and not go on monday. This would be better than walking off the training with no notice i think. it just sounds like the company has the worst management ever. cant they think about the long term? oh but you have to make it thorugh the short term to get to the long term. well they have been around for the long term already……and it seems like shit changed when this shekel clutching indian bought the company 2 years ago. there was a pronounced shift in culture and morale.

i am the best customer service person ever. I take the side of the customers and want to help them and make them a raving fan of me and how i am the best person in the company. however the company does not like this because I take too much time to help people. i take too much money to help people.

i mean in situations where people have valid questions, like my shit is broken and i need to fix it, not i be blakk gibs me dat. but i’m having a real problem, help me out please.

well i’d like to, but i have to get you off the phone in 7 minutes to reach the service level agreement your company has with my company.

well that sucks.

take it up with your manager…..not mine. because mine is not gonna talk to you. also he’s probably gonna throw me under the bus because he doesnt know the reality of taking calls and fixing problems.

the Target Metrics are Unreasonable. the Service Levels are Unreasonable. The Sales Department makes extravagant promises that THEY are never held accountable for because they dont provide the service.

so service hates sales because sales crushes them with unrealistic expectations. and sales hates service because they are lazy bums who can’t deliver on our promises hahahaha. when if sales walked for ONE DAY in the shoes of service, they’d SEE.

well we didnt have a sales dept at our old place. we were in house tech support. company. no contracts, no SLA’s. at this new place, its SLA’s, MSA’s, clients, being billed for service, billed by the minute maybe. billable billable billable. was emphasized in the shitty reviews.

I would almost rather work in a RESTAURANT. it seems more real and more human. real people doing things that you know can be done.  here, you dont even know what is possible or not.

work more efficiently. work faster.

how would you suggest I do that sir?

I don’t know. that’s your job. figure it out or youre fired.

do what youre doing now, just do it better and faster. streamline your processes.

this is always code for cut corners so you can be “more productive.”

your management WANTS you to cut corners when serving the customers.

this is fine when your customers are dumb sacks of shit, but I never view customers that way. I treat them the way I would want to be treated. In Good Faith.

this is why i hate managers. they really dont know shit. well, in that field they dont know shit. well, the higher level managers that have never answered a phone. fooking soft phaggots.

you need to be so exhausted at the end of the day you dont have time for health or family, but you are also so worried about the next horrible day, that you cant sleep.

trumpenfuhrer is giving a foreign policy speech and sounding more presidential. I have no doubt he is capable of sounding very “presidential” in tone. why do people even care about that. who cares about that other than anti trump people.

he will probably be a disappointment but so would anyone else. i am on the trump train all the way. no not all trump supporters are white nationalists hahaha. and not all white nationalists are trump supporters hahahaha. but i would say a Sizable Plurality of them are, hahahahahhahaha. yeah I mean you can vote for bob whitaker or whoever is doing american third position party. and whitaker has done some great work, and i think kmac is involved with that party, and kmac is top tier. but like only 100 people in the US even know who bob whitaker IS. trump is on tv 24 hours a day and literally even the dumbest normie women and blacks know who he is. he does well with some women and blacks! he loves the uneducated! he makes dogwhistle tweets mentioning white nationalists hahahaha.

i just dont want him to sell US out to chindia hahaha. but anyone else would have done that anyway, and with no strong talk about BUILD A WALL.

anyway I am a trump guy and I may come to not be so proud of that if he wins. but I want him to win! i dont want anyone else to win! im ashamed to say i dont have a trump hat yet!

but yeah I think more people who hated trump will come over to him as he becomes more and more the Strong Horse.

wow the temp agency gave me access to a Skillsoft Skillport Learning Management System (LMS) which has tons of videos and modules. This is actually very good. There is a lot of courses and modules on there that you can’t get for free on the internet. Plus I think Skillsoft has been developing content for years. probably not a good company to work for though hahahah. just because they have been around for 15 years doesnt mean theyre GOOD.

we had something like this in my old job but nothing that was really helpful for my department. so it was more useful to spend my free time studying actual cases rather than use the LMS.  the LMS would be a lot more useful to the normie employees doing the regular business of the company. not to us who were fixing the companys hardware and software and Tech Infrastructure.  for that there was very shitty documentation.

read the manual stupid!

but there is no manual!

or the manual is absolutely fookin retarded! YOU read the manual and tell me what it says! yeah! its bullshit! you need a manual for the manual, AND I strongly suspect that lots of important stuff has been LEFT OUT!

I dont care if I am missing out on valuable training in epic emr software. i hear the shit sucks anyway. and is probably collaborating with FEDGOV in unwholesome ways much like I suspect my previous employer was.

although the idea of electronic medical records makes perfect sense to me. although it also makes sense to me that EMR is just as much a CLUSTERFOOK than paper medical records. hence the transitioning which takes years, the bloated and mysterious software, the bugs, the service people dont know if its a bug or a feature and the programmers are too busy to look at it, you have the service people look at it.

SET UP TO FAIL hahahaha. thats exactly what they do and thats why theres high turnover and you can ALWAYS get a job at these places.

i was watching married at first sight the first year, which comes back to the people who chose to stay together. and now they are having problems. and the 28 year woman who threw her ring down the drain because she didnt feel her husband cared about her, she said, IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE IT, AND TWO TO BREAK IT.

WRONG, BITCH! I fumed at the TV. it takes TWO to MAKE it, but it only takes ONE to break it. YOU broke it. YOU are not givng him a chance. not listening to HIM. YOU are being the bad guy to him. YOU are not willing to work on this. HE is. and of course now you’re blaming HIM and saying it takes TWO to break it. fook you bitch. you dont deserve him hahahaha.

so women, the masters of relationships, really have no idea how relationships REALLY work. they are like the managers of the call centers who have no idea of how to actually do calls and solve problems. they just fire you when you cant live up to their unrealistic standards. oh god. such a great analogy good job me.

they dont know how shit works, they just want you to WORK HARDER and WORK BETTER when THEY are the source of the problem, then they dump YOU because you can’t walk on water, and you’re the bad guy because you weren’t willing to walk on water.

how do you write such good women, well i think of a man, then take away all reason and accountability, hahahahahahaha.

if that 28 year old woman had been married with 3 or more children, she wouldnt be such an idiot asshole.

Heh I am turning down GREAT money just because of some shit some disgruntled employees said on the internet. glassdoor.com. yeah well when there is such a pattern of reviews. also the company could put plants in to write more positive reviews. BUT THEY DIDNT! there were barely any positive reviews, and the ones that were sounded like they were written by black children. THESE ARE THE BEST PLANTS YOU CAN BUY???? While the bad reviews sounded like they were written by intelligent, hard working people, who were rightfully bitter from being shit on. You can get a sense of how intelligent a person is by HOW THEY WRITE. The negative reviews were more numerous, more detailed, and more intelligent than the few positive reviews. There is a real pattern there.

the short term mindset!!!!!! they dont vet the people they are hiring! that’s why they are outsourcing the hiring to someone ELSE!!!!! they dont vet the plants who are supposed to be improving their image on glassdoor! they just hire a TOTAL MORON to write OBVIOUSLY FAKE reviews!

It reminds me of my old company sort of: we had an internal message board where the end users of the new program could ask questions, ask for help. great idea, potentially great resource. I read that shit every DAY to try to learn more about the program, the users, the problems, and the fixes, and watch what the higher ups would say to the end users basically.

Except for the first month or so of the message board, which was not well promoted and only Super Employees like me even KNEW about it, the questions were answered by Obviously Morons who had just been hired with no training. Who would post back “Good quezchun bla bla. let me look into that 4 u and I reply later. sinsurrly, shaneek’wa jankins”

then they would reply many hours later with absolutely useless information that didnt really answer shit. Its like a teacher needing help and then asking a first day student for help. its ass bakcwards.

then the person needing help, who was writing more intelligently than the person hired to “help” them, would say, you know, I don’t think you’re getting this, what I’m saying is bla bla bla

then the idiot level 1 would post “Thank you, let me look into that” and then come back with “You must call the service desk and create a service ticket number.”

so then you call us and either get someone as dumb as shaneequa, or someone as smart as me. or someone who is smart but they are flustered and overwhelmed and they seem dumb. like me in my first 6 months hahahaha. like 80% of the people there because the majority of people leave within a year.

eventually the level 2 people started responding in the forums. they seemed smarter but were also ruder and said yep well you gotta call the service desk and create a ticket before we can do anything.

When the Best Practice Best In Breed Center Of Excellence Service would be, I’m sorry the program has been so buggy, whens a good time to call you so you and I can talk directly and I can remote in and take a look at this? I will private message you with my direct phone number.

but no, everything is a SINGLE POINT OF CONTACT (beware that) which means theres ONE phone number, probably with a very complicated IVR (menu of items, impossible to speak to a human), the first person you speak to will be an undertrained “moron”, who will have a VERY hard time transferring you to someone who DOES know anything about anything, because there’s too few of those people.  and higher ups can HIDE behind a WALL of poorly trained idiots! and you cant return calls from higher ups! oops missed you for the day, now I can’t fix your case! I’ll try calling you again within 72 hours!

Or getting a call and realizing YOU are technically the subject matter expert on this topic because no one else is in the office at that time. well, expert is a little strong a word for what i actually know about this thing, hahahahaha.

the so called experts know nothing! it’s very difficult to speak to somebody who KNOWS anything!

but its just as much….no its even MORE frustrating for the level 1 person answering the phones, than you FOR to call them and talk to an idiot. becuase how would you like to BE that idiot, doing calls like that ALL DAY????

thats not a JOB! that’s a PUNISHMENT!!!!

they should make criminals, murderers and child molesters, do this job from PRISON!!!!!!!!!!! instead they get sweet chill jobs like making license plates hahahaha.  kinda makes you want to go to prison hahahaha. no i kid. but im not kidding when saying they should make the worst prisoners do this type of job. not decent people like you and me and even that woman.

lyin ted is gonna pick carly fiorina as his vp. this might actually gain him some votes. but prob not enough to stump the trump. i hope not!

weighed it at lowest weight yet….148.0 pounds. I suspect I just got lucky on a low water day and it will be a WHILE before it gets any lower, and will in fact bounce back up, possib back above 150. my goal right now is 140. that is how short i am, i have to be 140 pounds to not be a fat slob hahahha.

no 160 pounds is the beginning of overweight and I was like 168? at the beginning of january. 20 pounds in 4 full months? thats not TERRIBLE.

thing is, losing weight doesnt really help short guys all that much. it wouldnt make HER any more attracted to me. women who like short guys will probably settle for chubby guys too hahaha. wow that is really self deprecating hahaha. its statements like that that are the reason i have no self confidence hahaha.

really its just a way for me to exercise some actual control over my life hahahaha. that i can reach SOME kind of goal.

tarzan was not some damn brown polynesian fooking white jane, he was a WHITE man fooking white jane, fooking geico. god damn i WISH i could boycott geico hahahaha. or that feel where the supermarket you go to get EVERYTHING has horrible race mixing commercials and you CANT boycott them hahahahaha.

you cant boycott antiwhite companies because ALL companies are openly antiwhite hahahaha.

boy i hope i dont get PARANOID about this hahahah.

shit i learned from a previous post that i looked at prono on nov 9. so now its only been 170 days since i looked at porno. damn. not long enough.

i certainly have not regretted it. although sometimes even recently i get a small craving. like i FORGOT what it LOOKS LIKE. well GOOD. i SHOULD forget what it looks like!!!!!!!!!!! Its jooish degenerate mind and soul POISON!!!!! so of course women like it now and say its no big deal and like to watch porno while they dildo themselves hahahaha.

so maybe as PEOPLE become more Pornified, Porn is NO LONGER an exaggeration of the sex act!!!! and it becomes a more accurate portrayal of What Secs Really Is!!!!!! good lord thats horrifying and sad. cuz you can’t say “porn sucks because its an unrealistic portrayal of secs.” well no its not, so you’re wrong, porn is not necessarily bad unless it Performs in the Vocabulary of Internalized Systems of Kyriarchal Oppression.

really what it comes down to is a deep, almost religious respect and reverence for human life AND THE PROCESS WHICH CREATES HUMAN LIFE.

was i ridiculous and overbearing and overwhleming to her? OF COURSE I was. But I dont think thats a good REASON or justification for her to walk out on me and block me entirely. you just dont do that to people. I am angry that she would come up with a list of reasons why it was OK for her to do this. because he did this. because he was being that weird. he was weird and bad enough to justify this.

well NO I WASNT.

yes, i was bad and weird, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO JUSTIFY THAT.

it has taken me a long time to convince myself of that. just like she is convincing herself that yes, i WAS bad and weird enough to justify No Communication.

maybe if i told her i was a virgin who had never been dumped before hahahahah she would have tried to be more gentle with me.

i mean why WOULDNT you be gentle with someone you care about, who cares about you, who has opened their heart for you and made themselves vulnerable for you? because. you just dont want them to luv you. yeah well, try to be gentle with peoples HEARTS as a general RULE. a general rule of LIFE.  I know I would try to be gentle with peoples HEARTS, if anyone ever showed me their heart hahaha.

yeah well they have showed me there hearts sometimes and i HAVE been sensitive to that. like when she was telling me her worries about her boifran in like 2013. i genuinely cared and it was very uncomplicated because I didnt have feelings for her yet and we were still Just Friends and I was perfectly fine with that, and wanted her to work things our wiht her BF, and she gave it an honest effort, maybe, and he said nope I’m done. which is fine, that happens, but he also told her im done rather than just avoid the fook out of her. they had several arguments!

ok drug test for post office tomorrow. closest place is 8 miles away hahahaha. thankfully was able to sched it for morning. and in time before their deadline. so get up tomorrow, leave at least half the bladder full in the morning hahahaha. cuz i drink so much coffee and water throughout the day that theres no way I could not be diluted. i dont know how I did this when I used to do this early in the morning before Work hahahahaha. like try making a BM, but also keeping your Urine In. not easy hahahaha.

she just wasnt very PERCEPTIVE. or if she was, she just didnt SHOW it. i think she was more perceptive than she PRETENDED NOT to be hahahahaha. that dirty LIAR. was she lying or not lying?

no she was just overwhelmed and cowardly and running away like a scared animal. like the slightest move or sound makes a deer go jumping away.

yet she can handle a tough job and also fook men without emotion or feeling. hehehe well i dont know that second part. and now she is out of a job just the same as me. she has a good excuse though, and made a lot more money, and probably has good leads though her new friends there. get meeeeeee a job toooooo! ok done.

heh. without her i never would have gotten that stupid job. and now that even though she has left me, i can’t escape The Taint hahaha. now all these call center jobs want me because I have experience…..but I dont want to go back to any call center.

its like getting aids from your lover then you lover dumps you but the aids stays with you and kills you hahaha.

i wish we had just gotten together and never left our old job and lived happily ever after. instead I managed to waste the last 2 and a half years of my life hahaha. one step forward, two or three steps back.

lost a very important person in a very sad way, lost muh livelihood, and now the only jobs that want me are shitty jobs just like that one hahaha. maybe i should go back to skool hhaahahha. bbbbbut i already have 200 credits of college isnt that enough? NO.

OK. I have my txt resume, which is my master resume, which then gets copied essentially to both linkedin and indeed. and any external site that wants you to build a resume. copy and paste.  so really any change I have to make, needs to be made in 2 OTHER places: linkedin and indeed.

Or I could just update those once a month or once a week. re copy and paste everything from the Master Resume.

When I have an actual interview, I whittle the Master Resume down to a One Page Resume. but make sure they have a copy of the Master resume too.

Anyway today I went through and replaced semicolons with periods; because it looks autistic to have too many semicolons; and periods look better; dont they;

yes. of course they do. good idea there. nice value-add.

2016-04-27_16h52_24

this fookin sloth hahahahaha it took him ALL DAY to write that on their bullshit team building instant messenger chat software while his entire team was running themselves ragged trying to walk on water and design, build, market, sell a flying umbrella, on the whim of their asshole lion manager, within 20 hours. the sloth moves SO SLOW, all he can do is type that one sentence in 20 hours. This is great and I have mentioned it before but here’s the picture.

it is kinda SAD to see the majestic animals acting like Professional Humans With Careers. Animals shouldn’t be doing this. HUMANS shouldn’t be doing this. hopefully other people are disturbed by that too.

also look how the manager lion does jack shit while everyone else is running around like fookin spazzes. yepppp. read between the lines mother fooker. the writing is on the wall!!!

I want to see that companys Call Center Of Excellence. That is filled with fookin morlocks or some shit. or fookin…that ugly ass fish blob that looks like a sad piece of slime.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Center_of_excellence

well, i guess a COE can be something other than a call center. but call centers can certainly use the term. it usually means they have met the ridiculous metrics by being especially clever at cutting corners but they have enough good people left to produce some raving fans who appreciate their work….but I guarantee these Great People are being Ground down and pushed out the door and are are being unappreciated by their managers and company. but they are appreciated by their callers/customers and trust me that is important. it was important to me! my callers LOVED the GREAT service I gave them, even though it wasnt FAST enough for the company, which hurt my departments METRICS and kept us from being a COE.

https://agileelements.wordpress.com/2008/10/29/what-is-a-center-of-excellence/

i still dont know what the shit means. why wouldnt EVERY place want to be a center of excellence.

its like a way of saying, we have best practices and trained people.

well why WOULDNT you have those things?

because they cost money.

its amazing how many places where its your job to be the FIRST to DEVELOP best practices because literally NO ONE knows what they are doing.

but how can you determine BEST practices when you dont know GOOD from BAD?

well I guess you can easily tell if something is good or bad. and then just keep struggling in the direction of the good right.

and a bunch of indian agile scrum lean black belt six sigma project managers in the comments say what a great bullshit article, ive been tasked with creating a center of excellence to utilize resources, but i dont know how, and your article has helped me how to create a center of bullshit.

heh i wished they taught ANY of this in school. in 200 credits of college hahaha. maybe they had a paragraph in management 101 which i took. i actually never took business 101 because i figured it would be too fluffy. i took “actual” classes like accounting and economics. marketing and management were as fluffy as I got.

explain to me in plain english what a center of excellence is, fooking phaggots.

and then when you look it up on the internet…..you just get MORE confused.

but yeah I thought business was supposed to be efficient and competent.

but they are incompetent and only give the ILLUSION of efficiency.

by training people and have actual best practices they could provide better service, have happier customers, and be proactive not reactive, and make more money in the long run.  and it shocked me how companies are very resistant to this common sense, decent, good faith, white way of doing business. real fookin dudley dooright bullshit i guess. well thats me then. dudley dooright the good natured pollyanna.

google what is a center of excellence
A center of excellence (CoE) is a team, a shared facility or an entity that provides leadership, best practices, research, support and/or training for a focus area.
Center of excellence – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Center_of_excellence

really its just mroe business bullshit. i should try not to get so MAD about BULLSHIT. but for some reason this business bullshit makes me MAD. because it results in customers getting the RUNAROUND and forcing honest people to GIVE other honest peopel the runaround. thats why i hate the bullshit.

 

GOT TIME BUT U AINT GOT TIME FOR ME / WHEN U MAKE 40 DOLLARS AN HOUR OR MORE, U DONT NEED TO TALK TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE 15 DOLLARS AN HOUR OR LESS

april 24

sheeeeit. well i did not go out to the bar yesterday. next time i see the guy i will apologize profusely and buy him a drink and say i fell asleep by 11 pm which wasnt far off. actually slept ok. got into bed at like 10 pm, which is when people leave their house to go to the bar. nope cant do it.

so i guess thats my plan. go to the training, get paid, be a pain in the ass…..but do i want to establish a reputation as a troublemaker? this is highly unlikely. usually im so scared so i become a people pleaser and ass kisser. well i tell u what, i dont like level 2 bullshit and runarounds, and I support my level 1 people all damn day and want them to get the support and help and RESPECT they DESERVE.

also I want to fix problems. REALLY fix shit. REALLY help the callers. ALSO, i dont view the callers as IDIOTS. they are doing complicated shit that confuses ME most of the time too. and its MY job to fix it. they’re not idiots. whoever set this shit up and made all the hardware and software and websites such a spaghetti clusterfook is an idiot and and asshole. simplify. you could save money. oh but thats in the long term, and it would cost money in the short term, so we dont do it.

also, fook the metrics if they dont relate DIRECTLY to fixing shit for callers. is that what they MEASURE. i dont care about pleases and thank yous and using their name and i dont care if its 20 vs 25 minutes. and sometimes you CANT resolve the shit by yourself. you HAVE to send it up, and that shouldnt count against YOU. and then your handle time goes up because you are arguing with the level 2 trying to convince them to escalate it, this is beyond me, help me out here, so then by that time, youre at 30 minutes if not 50, AND you have lost the first call resolution.

so in other words I would like to see handle time and FCR just removed. well, I can see how they might be useful for statistical purposes, but DONT PENALIZE THE AGENTS FOR THESE. THEY CANT HELP IT. THEY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT. measure it, and work on level 2’s and above to manager these metrics, but dont blame level 1’s for it, because they have no control over it.

as you can see i am opinionated as fook! and these are the types of opinions I should make clear from day 1 of the training. And act as kind of a spartacus to the new people. I am here to support you and help us survive this war. fook everyone above us who wants us to work miracles all the time and dont understand what its like in the trenches. we have terrible leaders. we dont have a patton or macarthur that we respect and luv and would die for! we have a bunch of pvssy asshole idiots that dont know a god damn thing about our jobs!!!!!!

best case scenario, my state has recreational MJ (like colorado or amsterdam) in january 2017. but thats not gonna stop employers from testing for it hahaha.

and its not gonna stop MJ from being DEGENERATE!!!!!

I wish I didnt like it so much. But for me it is a pick me up from a disappointing life hahahaha. terrible jobs, disappointment, despair, loneliness, no good women, failure, worry, helps you unwind after a tough day and helps you sleep at night for another tough day ahead.

it helps you enjoy other recreational things like music and movies.

it taps into the feeelz of GODS LUV. ie those special feelings that you feel for special people. except maybe you dont know any more special people, or they are all out of your life. the MJ reminds you you still are not some kind of hateful monster!!!!!!

and in some ways you can develop a kind of RElationship with MJ that is sometimes an acceptable substitute when there are no real women for you. gets you through the tough times when you cant stop worrying and cant sleep and raging exercise is not enough to help you turn your mind off.

the thing is, most people at my old job were GOOD PEOPLE. most managers were good people. most level 2s were good people. almost all level 1s were good people. it was just a testament to how powerful Bad Upper Management can be, to overpower the good influence of all these good people. so long as the Director or VP of your department/division is kinda shady…..that is enough to do it.

also it helped to be able to see the level 2s who were “advising” you. someone can seem like a total asshole when you have never met them, they are 1000 miles away and you will never see, meet, or talk to them other than them giving you shitty directions in a chat room. if you met them in person, they would probably seem like better people.

but some of our first level 2 contacts were people we only knew from chat rooms and shitty chats.

naturally I liked the level 2s who were in my office a bit better. one in particular i became fairly friendly with. you could see the tired exhausted despairing look in their eyes and then you understood that their job wasn’t any better than yours. so what if they made 2 dollars more an hour than you. it wasnt worth it.

so maybe its like women. NAXALT. Since I only have one experience with one tech support place, it stands to reason that the second one could be better….or worse. if its worse i will quit with 2 week notice and beg the temp agency to find me a job for 4 dollars less an hour.

besides, my opinion of the job was HEAVILY influenced by my situation with HER.

in other words, if SHE hadnt been there, I still would not have loved the job, but I probably wouldnt have HATED it so bitterly, and wouldnt be SO apprehensive about trying another tech support job.

maybe its a sign from GOD. he WANTS me to try one more tech support job. and thats why a 17 dollar an hour job fell into my lap, and the lead recruiter is calling me saying “its a good idea, I understand your doubts, but just go to the training and get a better idea.”

life of agony, river runs red. forgot this is a great album for unresolvable teen angst hahahah.  1993 NYC/brooklyn tough guys, features first drummer of TON, produced by j00 from TON, has become a classic. i had it on a cassette tape but never listened to it enough. as an equally angsty adult i can see myself coming back to it hardcore now.

yes Im well aware the singer became a trannie hahahaha. that IS something that should be address.  I mean he is still a good singer. I just think he must have had a very fooked up home life as a child, probably molested like crazy. i mean it all checks out with the extreme angst on display in LOA. it just seems somewhat less degenerate to be a gay man than to be a MtF tranny. I mean you can’t really become a woman. how about you just be a very feminine man. like me hahahahahahaha. I mean most LOA fans dont really care because the LOA legacy is solid and nobody can deny. Also xir seems like a kind gentle person, never doin no harm, and I can appreciate that. its just weird and i wouldnt want to marry him now that hes a woman hahahaha. plus all musicians are bipolar anyway.

or maybe he was not molested at all, but his inner desire to be a woman that was the cause of all his angst.

yeah i forgive her. (not talking about the LOA singer any more hahahaha i am talking about THAT woman ahahaha) its starting to make more sense now. yeah i scared her and i pushed her, but she scared and pushed me too. we both scared and pushed each other to unreasonable extremes, and its just SAD as fook. and that is pretty much the conclusion of everything. all there is to say about it.

i learned about the importance of communication and courage. it wasnt worth it to have such a sad shitty thing happen though. but the important thing to remember is that she never wanted to be with me in the first place. the best i could have ever gotten was just a Better Ending. still that would have been less damn sad and awful.

but I never would have BEEN with her.

it was beyond my control, it was never meant to be, it was PREDESTINED BY GOD hahahaha.

NOTHING I could have EVER done could have made her EVER luv me.

she just didnt have it in her.

hahahaha ill tell ya what she DOES have in her!!!! tons of blaq diqz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha wawawaawawa

its like, it means nothing to you to take dicks, why not just take mine? why not just talk to me?

hehehe no it probably DOES mean something to her to take a dick, so I shouldnt SLANDER her, its not fair or right.

just listen to life of agony and slit muh wrists hahaha ya got time, but you aint got time for me, got time but u aint got time 4 me, yeah!!!!!!

perfect angst hahahaha

yes. have like one day of training.

second day, still keep all the new people in the training room. fook trainers, get in experienced level 1s who take calls and who know what theyre doing and who KNOW WHAT TO SAY. have at least 2 or 3 or 4 of them lead the training.

pipe inbound calls into the classroom and put a newbie in the hot seat starting the second day to take a call. have one or more of the experienced people to hold their hand from the very start, and essentially handle the call WITH them. guide them to show them what to do on the live call. make sure we can all hear the call and also see the screen as they work.

save all this shit as videos you can watch later. MY GOD.

each knowledge base article should have a video of a call and the agents screen as he remotes in and fixes the issue. here’s a great example of this case, the fix, and what to say.

EVERY ARTICLE SHOULD HAVE A VIDEO OF AN ACTUAL CALL ON THAT ISSUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fook thats SUCH a good idea!!!!! ideas man!!!!! thinking outside of the box here!!!!!!!

if people bitch at you for making the coffee too WEAK, but you cant drink it strong any more because it makes you diarrhea too much, simply mix the strong coffee with water until its weak. For You. hahahahaha

believe me, i WISH i could drink strong coffee! but weak coffee is so much better for muh stomach.

GOT TIME BUT U AINT GOT TIME FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yea sing it mina you crazy degenerate trannie hahahaha hahahahahahaha

but does xir want to Date men or women?  if he still wants to date women…..why try to BECOME a woman. just be a feminine man. I am a hugely wimpy unmasculine man but I still want to be with a woman. I dont want to BE a woman hahaha.

what to do if you wanna dump someone search term.

GLAD YOU ASKED, rather than do it the WRONG WAY hahahaha

TELL THEM. you SHOULD talk to them and have a LONG talk and series of long talks and give them the courtesy and respect to say everything they need to say to you. it might take them months to even think of everything because they will be so GUTTED and BLINDSIDED and CONFUSED and OVERWHELMED.

also be firm. be firm and clear that we are never ever ever getting back together.

accept that they still love you so this is causing them pain. apologize deeply for all this. but still hold firm and dont give them hope.

let them write you emails. then respond with I read your message. youre a good person but we are not getting back together. im sorry to hurt you. i just cant do this. im sorry. youre a good person and not worthless. I just cant do this rel any more. Im sorry. feel free to write to say whatever you want to say but it wont change the fact that its over. im trying to let you down as gently as i can.

and just try to do that. cuz you deciding to single handedly end a rel with someone who loves you, is a very selfish and hurtful thing.

before anything, try to make it work. make an effort to meet them halfway like they are TRYING to do. give them another chance. give the REL another chance. actually make an effort and try.

also try going to a shrink a couple times.

and if they are willing to do all that and you arent…..recognize how much you are breaking their heart, and express you are sorry. beg them not to hate you hahahaha.

whatever you do, do NOT run away from the situation and ignore and avoid them completely. they want to be HEARD.

treat peoples HEARTS gently, with kindness and respect and courtesy and compassion and dignity!!!!

that would be my 2 minute quick and dirty answer. but it will get you where you need to go.

hey. im glad you asked rather than not asked, and dumped them by avoiding and ignoring them. shows youre concerned with how to do this right way. but most decent people will already know. deep in their marrow.

but women are weird. they dont have the curiosity and 2nd level thinking even the slowest, dullest men do. for example, she was a longtime partaker of MJ yet she didnt even know the difference between sativa and indica, didn’t know, didnt care.

maybe this is a Stoner thing rather than a woman thing?

but some stoners are very intellectually curious on their drug of choice!!!!!

I would hope anyone hired as a budtender or higher (hahahahahaha) would show that kind of initiative to know the difference between indica and sativa and hybrids of both.

so when I come in, i who dont give a shit about all the strains, come in and say I want something that is at LEAST 75% indica, gimme the strongest indica you got, because sativa makes me anxious but indica makes me chill, and anxious is bad and chill is good.

then they shuold be able to interpret that and give you a strong indica.

but after my old job I catch myself when I think, well, THEY WORK THERE, THEY”RE THE EXPERTS, they can point me in the right direction, even if I can’t articulate myself too well, and there are too many unknown unknowns for me.

NOPE. THEY ARE JUST AS CLUELESS AS YOU. THEY ARENT EXPERTS ON SHIT. BLIND LEADING THE BLIND. SHOULDA JUST DONE IT YOURSELF.

and this is the companys fault for allowing these untrained feral people out there to deal with their customers!

its INSULTING to the customers!!!!! and its cruel and abusive to the poor low level employees!

be nice to the level 1’s, be RUTHLESS To the managers that ALLOW it!!!!!

but our managers were pretty good.

no, ask for the top manager at that location. the director. thing is, you will NEVER talk to them.

ONCE we had a caller who kept demanding to speak to whoevers manager. nope let me speak to YOUR manager now. until it went all the way up to the most powerful person in the 70 person office. who was a new manager and was just like sorry i dont even work with this shit, i have no idea what to say to him, all you know the technology better than me, i’m not a technician, im just a manager. i manage technicians and know nothing about the tech.

of course this person was not promoted from within.

anything OTHER than promoting from within is like SHITTING IN THE FACES of your talented, hard working employees. it never made sense to me before, and now I treat it as an act of hostile aggression. THIS MEANS WAR.

they brought in a new location manager from outside the company during my last 9 months there. everyone wanted and thought the Acting Manager would get the job. he didn’t. I showed him sympathy once, saying man I really thought you were gonna get that job, I wanted you to, Im sorry.

if i were him, I would be PISSED and would have QUIT. but he was much more emotionally stable than me hahaha. he was pretty much a decent guy i think. the nonwhite woman they hired above him, was pretty shady and twofaced. did not like or trust. was not going to help the department run smoother for the level 1’s. i dont care if she has a masters degree. I almost had a masters degree hahahaha. lets see you handle 1 hour of calls, let alone months and years of 9 hour days of nothing but phone calls beotch hahahaha.

i dont think its EVER called for to hire a manager/executive from outside the company. all the bullshit excuses companies give for doing this are ALWAYS bullshit.

new perspective? think outside of the box? THEY DONT KNOW THE BOX WELL ENOUGH TO THINK OUTSIDE OF IT!!!!! youre just saying your own employees arent good enough to do this job……when they ARE.

shitting in their god damn faces.

that was in like….i dunno august or september 2014. right when I STARTED changing over with my feelings towards her. things hadnt gotten BAD yet and I was probably at the PEAK of confidence for muh job.

the last YEAR has FLOWN by even though I havent been busy AT ALL, i have just been moping and wasting time like a loser.

it is SCARY. it is like time is in FAST FORWARD. till death hahaha.

good god. I am going BALLS OUT on my linkedin profile. I made it public and am just pimping it out with tons of useless and probably damaging, hurtful material, like shitty short jobs I had hahahaha, and obnoxious interests like theology and international cinema hahahaha.

before i had pride and shame and did not want people from high school who were just waiting for me to crash and burn, could then look me up and see that they were RIGHT, I DID crash and burn, and here I am, displaying it to all the world.

but since its such a drastic change from my previous LinkedIn posture, then maybe it will produce some results hahahaha. everyone else near my age in high school and college are now directors and Managers and Lead Analysts and Department Heads and all that, proudly wearing expensive suits, proudly listing their 80k+ a year Careers in words that dont even make sense to normal working class americans hahahaha. they’d have to call a tech support to explain what the persons job description even meant. but the tech support would not understand it either, and they are too low to transfer you to the person directly, who could explain what their own job is. their time is too valuable to spend it with people like us.

when you make 40 dollars an hour or more, you don’t need to talk to people who make 15 dollars an hour or less.

pot limit big O? badacey? how the f do you play these games? i barely grasp the concept of regular omaha, and now they want me to BET on my play????!?!?! hahahaha . i have no choice. people just arent playing NLHE  games, just weird pot limit omaha games. i guess its not THAT complicated….. but I already am LOSING money on a game I already DO know how to play.

nausea and muscle spasms and chronic pain baybee. will get you medical MJ every time.

so now the christian high schools give random drug tests to their students. this absolutely did not happen when I was in a christian high school long ago. yes they had drug testing technology way back then, and low paying jobs still gave drug tests way back then. just didnt do them in high schools, randomly.

interesting issue. i have always had a Libertarian view on drugs but I have been becoming more authoritarian lately. but not regarding our corrupt ZOG govt hahaha. there I am still very libertarian. but in a happy aryan fascist raceocracy Whitopia, drugs would be heavily shamed and shunned. but would they be ILLEGAL??!?!?!?!?!!!???!!?!?!

cuz im a special snowflake and i want to smoke MJ without consequences!!!!!!!!!