WOMEN SEPARATE SECS AND LUV SO MUCH, THEY NEED SEPARATE MEN TO PROVIDE EACH

may 7

had semi interesting dream featuring woman1, aka woman2003, the first woman I ever went crazy for. she was not the best choice but probably not the absolutely worst choice either. i dont know how slutty she really was. ultimately she had probably been with less than 10 guys, so thats pretty good. no children. college student in Fine Arts, hahaha. she was basically a Hippie and A Painter. Recipe for Batshit Crazy yeah I know. Kinda weird that I fell for a gurl with that personality, I never really did again. But she was nice and friendly and energetic and not super bitchy, not mean or grumpy. and she liked to take MJ and listen to some of the same music I did and was partially in muh social circle in 2003. now she was very cute and maybe established me as a Leg Man, and indeed, That Woman might have been somewhat similar in body shape.

anyway in the dream we were spending the night in the same house but in two different rooms, right next to each other. ideally I wanted to go into her room and make out and cuddle with her all night long. hahaha. but I was aware the more masculine thing, and which women would more prefer, is that I march in there like a conqueror and pound the shit out of her ass like a real man, then maybe I could get some of my precious cuddling afterwards. But I had to establish my dominance as a masculine conqueror, not a sensitive feminine cuddler.

so I went in there and was not nearly as masculine as I should have been. She was friendly to me but she did not see flirtatious or inviting in that way.

Now this is problematic for me, because I find “flirtatiousness” to be overly sexual and SLUTTY. I honestly don’t know how a woman should signal more-than-friendly interest in me without seeming slutty. I am perfectly happy with women being warm and friendly and nice to me. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean they want to get pounded by, or even make out with you.  i wish it did, though, because I find actual flirtatiousness to be too slutty and degenerate and pornographic! but maybe that’s MY problem, and I just have accept that It Is What It Is.

https://productforums.google.com/forum/#!topic/chrome/oH7VZGY5h9w

this is my problem with Tech hahaha. the users of chrome, a big name browser made by one of the biggest tech names, are pointing out a pretty common sense feature request since 2012 at least which has not been address by the company. the best support and response we can get is from an Asian “subject matter expert” who is probably making 1 dollar an hour if that as a contractor for google.  and who doesnt really know shit and gives answers like “we aren’t aware of any feature that does this, if you can’t find one, then it probably doesn’t exist.” thanks google support employee.  but realize this is the answer being given to them by their level 2’s in a chat room. and you arent allowed to speak to the level 2’s.

well could we escalate this and double check for sure? could we submit a formal feature request to the well-paid american google employees?

the feature request is to have an auto-logout of the chrome browser when you close out of chrome.

because you can connect the browser with your google account, basically to import all your history, bookmarks, and PASSWORDS on any computer or phone where you use chrome. home, office, anywhere.

but say you don’t want somebody at your office like your boss or IT Dept SysAdmin to get access to your gmail and facebook and neet virgin despair blog and banking and white nationalist forum hahahaha.

and say you forgot to log off your account from chrom before closing chrome. you know how it says your name on the little box in the upper right.

well, to really “sign off” from this, you have to go into SETTINGS and click on “disconnect my google account.”

ideally this option would be available when you click the little name box.

ideally it would give you a checkbox to be able to disconnect you automatically when you close the browser.

people have been asking for this since 2012 and probably earlier, and it is SO REASONABLE. how could this be too expensive to implement. yet google has given no response to it except a shitty response from an asian contractor making 1 dollar an hour.

PATHETIC. DISGUSTING. SHAMEFUL. This is the biggest tech company in the world, making one of the biggest browsers in the world.  we arent talking about internet explorer here hahahaha.

is there REALLY something i’m missing because I’m not an EXPERT? where common sense is actually wrong because of something weird that only the super trained eye can see? well they are sure not attempting to explain it. and here i WOULD like an explanation. Have someone with a GOOD job (making 40 k a year or more) ATTEMPT to explain it to me. not a 18 year old asian gurl in Customer Service. the customer service should be better trained in the technology so they CAN explain technical things. I don’t blame these poor pathetic souls at level 1 customer service. i blame the managers hahahaha.

for those jobs, customer service is very important…..but so are technical skills. you can be nice and professional as shit but what good is it if you don’t KNOW anything?

and thing is, BOTH these things can be coached and trained and taught. but that takes TIME and MONEY companies are not willing to invest. its actually cheaper to contract a staffing agency AND offer a higher wage to new people……than it is to train/invest in existing people? so just fire the existing people? I guess so. if something doesnt make sense on the surface…..the reason is because its cheaper. cheaper in the short term. that is ALWAYS the answer. Note: what is cheaper in the short term is often more expensive in the long term. So why don’t companies seem to care about the long term? because you can’t have a long term without a short term. so cheaper in the short term is the answer for EVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYTHHHIIINNNGGGG.

NEVER FORGET THAT. It will save you a lot of frustration and confusion and anger.

anyway, my dream.

I think I finally made up my mind to go in there and pound her like a man. she was still being just friendly rather than sexy to me, which as I said, i prefer. I wish all flirting were like this. I wish women never acted “sexy” because to me it seems very slutty. but unfort it is what it is, women dont operate like that. anywhere she took her clothes off which i guess is a good sign for pounding hahahaha. but her entire body from her shoulders down to like her hips were covered  in weird colored body paint. i said ummm thats not a giant tattoo, is it? YEP! she responded. huh. so a large part of her body was covered in a permanent weird colors. great. mainly it covered the breasts and stomach area. in a way it was somewhat titillating, but it would obviously get real weird, real fast. great. this isnt what I signed up for. SO i decided I should Hit It And Quit It.

put as soon as I made up my mind to Pound Her Masculinely, she essentially faded away or kept disappearing. As by now the dream had been going on for a while and I was waking up and it was time to end. you know how dreams only last for so long then start fading out. then I woke up. no pounding her ass hahahaha. i had WAITED TOO LONG. SHIT OR GET OFF THE POT.

but at least the woman in the dream was a different woman, and it rekindled my feelings for that woman hahahaha. well shit she is older than me! but I was very young then. she got a master’s degree and got married and hopefully never got above 10 and hopefully is loyal and loving to her husband and is having kids before her uterus dries up soon.  i am assuming the husband is white because it’s a very white name and thankfully she took his last name. no hyphen. no space. no appending. just a full replacement. the way it should be, hahahahaha.

it would have been fun to go out with her for like 6 months and bang her 2000 times, hahahaha. but i was not manly or masculine or cool or confident enough. i was like a peasant gasping in awe before the throne of god hahahaha.

well the only time you should be doing that is when you are kneeling before the actual throne of god hahaha.

well EXCUSE ME because I have always INHERENTLY found something SACRED and DIVINE in the life-creating power of woman.

of course this does not help if they don’t respect and revere that awesome power THEMSELVES. and just give it away to lots of guys when they are young and fertile. like spitting in the face of god.

so this is a great song off the  TON october rust album, a very very goth album but also my favorite of their very goth albums, but not necess my fav TON albums….but its def up there and was influential to me at an Impressionable period of my life. I was in high school and remember countless hours of listening to this album and writing and playing quake hahahaha. that was high school. getting stupid good grades, listening to TON, writing stories and journals, and playing doom and quake hahahaha.  also I got into more degenerate hobbies like porn, alcohol, and MJ starting halfway thru high school. that was the beginning of the end.

anyway the song is a degenerate song about eating a bitches period juice (i think hahahahaha) and a lot of the songs on this album are very Worshipful of Women in a kind of Creepy Obsessive way, but it also combines that with the Strong Masculinity of Peter Steele. Like he would give the woman a good masculine pounding while also loving them in a drink their period blood creepy way. creating the perfect bitches in fishnets and black lipstick gothic 90s album. and this song captures that very well, while  also being CRAMMED with great melodies and riffs. it has since become a bit of a fan favorite and they regularly played it live up to the end i think. It was also featured in the semi gothic vampire werewolf shitty movie underworld I think.

anyway I was thinking MY special calling would be to do a Raw Black Metal cover of this song, with Raw Guitars and drums, and blast beats, and either no or much more low-key keyboards. but that very rocking riff would be played very much the same way, perhaps to bring a “black n roll” feel. Maybe really draw out that riff and make it one of the main focus of the song. repeat it 1488 time with some blast beats some of the time too. probably keep some of the low peter steel style vocals. those could possibly be adapted to black metal.

not that type o neg has anything to DO with black metal! but I am a fan of both. that’s all.

that is my idea of creativity. not writing my own songs, but doing black metal versions of other people’s songs.

this is not inherently bad or uncreative! so I need to stop criticizing myself for not being creative enough. creative musicians are total degenerates anyway.

also TON were themselves known for doing very creative different covers of songs. for example on that same album they do a great cover of cinnamon gurl but one of my favorites neil young. however AT THAT TIME, I had no idea of neil young other than some weird old guy who hung out with grunge f4ggots like pearl jam hahaha. I didn’t really like the song. but within 4 or 5 years I was a huge neil fan, especially the album with cinnamon gurl. and I remain a huge neil fan, so it is great to come back to TON and hear cinnamon gurl with fresh ears.

also TON’s covers of hey joe and paranoid on origin of feces are just great. and yeah I guess summer breeze on bloody kisses.

they do a beatles cover on world coming down but i dont give a shit about the beatles. still. I hopefully never will. fookin beatles. LAME.

well you can find several covers of wolf moon on youtube. nothing black metal. looks like i have found my niche here.

like this qt russian gothic gurl who does piano covers of everything. you can also see her dancing like a gothic slut which I found titilating and had to turn off to avoid the near occasion of sin. also I lost respect for her because its not respectable for a gurl to dance like a slut. but i could tell she did not THINK she was dancing “like a slut.” but she WAS!!!!!!

these gurls might not like sluts, and might not think they are dressing or acting like sluts…..BUT THEY ARE!!!!!!

you shouldnt even THINK of having SECS with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!

yet all the “dating” “relationships” I’ve had with women have existed ALL within the space of 3 short months!

beginning, middle, end!

meeting, dating, fooking, and ending!

rushing through the relationship simulator!!!!

this is obscene, monstrous, grotesque. go through the WHOLE thing, INCLUDING secs, all within 3 months. you should not be having secs within 3 months. you should be getting to know the person.

so really any time i can have a “rel” with a woman than lasts longer than 3 months…..its rare and i am happy.

its a ridiculous farce how fast this fake shallow relationship simulations happen. i cant respect women who do that. yet 50% of women do do that!!!!!!

just follow the simple rule of: never have secs with a guy you’ve known less than 3 months!!!!!!!!!! period!!!!!!!!!

this is what women USED to do, before they turned into degenerate garbage. so easily corrupted by da j00z.

ive NEVER liked this about women, even when I was a leftist feminist, and I liked her because she didn’t seem Like That, which was SO refreshing!

well of COURSE she didnt SEEM like that! she was in the middle of a very long-term relationship!

and this is how I like women the best. not when they are Single Sluts.

when they are single, they are short-term relationship SLUTS. NO THANK YOU.

how about waiting 3 months before fooking a guy, ya single sluts?

because sluts are good for only one thing, and its not DATING!

so many people have tattoos now, including dumb women, that it takes a REAL badass to NOT have any tattoos!

be like, hahaha loser idiot, i don’t have something stupid and gay permanently inked on to my body! sucks to be you!

i mean, it’s really not my place to judge a person…..but when I am essentially auditioning people to be my wife and mother of my children, then yes I am sort of entitled to judge them, hahahaha.

the standards are a bit more lax for my friends. I have had male friends who have had tattoos or who indulged in degenerate sex with sluts.  i assume they grew out of these youthful phases eventually. well i mean you can’t erase dumb tattoos. you can do super expensive tattoo removal though.

tattoos. jeez. talk about a great SIGNAL eh. signaling, I am a stupid slut who you absolutely don’t want for a wife and mother of your children.

well some people on TRS (ie, decent people who have good values and whom i trust) tell personal anecdotes of they got married to a single mother and it worked out all right. she is a good woman who just made a mistake when she was young and had a baby with a deadbeat asshole. she has been agood wife to me and we had 3 kids of our own and the other kid loves me.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen. im just saying its a big risk because 50% of the time you’re gonna get a psycho bitch hahahaha.

well isn’t that just the same as all women in general? 50% of them being shit?

well how many women who have had 900000 abortions are shitty? only 50%? hahahaha

you see what I am getting at here. as a group, single mothers are less desirable than women without children. just like women who have never had abortions are more desirable than women who have had abortions. 25 year old women are more desirable than 35 year old women.

measuring out 16 grams of peanuts to make 96 calories. it is a tiny little handful which you could easily eat all in one gulp. then know you can only eat 14-15 small handfuls of peanuts all day and that is the amount you are supposed to eat hahaha.

having secs with a guy before 3 months means you dont take your role as LIfe Creator seriously and that you dont take human life seriously and would probably get an abortion. or ruin your husband’s life without a second thought, and feel no guilt. to be a life-destroying sociopath.

sex before 3 months is an indicator of evil, murderous sociopathy!

THIS is why I don’t like women. hahahahaha.

and it takes a SPECIAL women for me to respect and like her. and I found her. until it ended so badly wawawawawa.

yeah well i just liked her because women seem like nice decent people when they are in long term rels. and then they seem like stupid evil crazy whores when they are single. therefore i should avoid single women and only try to date married women. make them cheat on their husbands hahahaha. obviously this is shitty.

I should have just stayed away from her at the very beginning. because she had a longterm bf. and WHAT KIND OF WOMAN goes making new male friends when she has a longterm BF? would I want my “GF” or wife doing that? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! but that makes me controlling and jealous. because I dont want my wife to have male friends. SHE SHOULDNT WANT MALE FRIENDS. If I were married, I wouldnt want female friends!!!!!!!!

well its DIFFERENT with women and male friends. women cant just have female friends because EVERYONE KNOWS women dont make good friends but men do.

so why do the women have male friends? because their boifrans are the stone cold men of steel that they luv and who fook them hard, but they just dont listen or talk or show them any interest, so they get that from their male friends?

yep you got it!

so you’re saying women need at least two men?

yupppppp!!!

why can’t they just pick one man who does both things?

because that man isn’t SEXY!!!!!!

but for men, they will certainly be happy with just one woman! the one same women to provide the Secs, as well as to provide the LUV.

why do women separate Secs and Luv so much that they need SEPARATE MEN to provide EACH????!?!?!?!?!?!?!

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!! DEGENERATE!!!!!!

women werent ALWAYS like this!! so therefore its not necessarily female nature. this has been brainwashed into women by da j00z, and it can be brainwashed OUT of women by Us Huhwytes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dunno. even when i was really close with that woman, we never had a real in depth discussion about Sexual Morality. I knew she didnt like sluts and she didnt like cheaters……..but how low of a bar is that? cant I do a little bit better than THAT???? No not really, because just look at me hahahahaha. huge loser omega male. neet virgin.

never had an in depth discussion of if she had casual sex, or how pro life she is, or if she really understood the power of her own uterus.

I have never not been nervous when doing a secsual thing with a woman, and I would PREFER a WOMAN who gets NERVOUS about secs too. you SHOULD BE NERVOUS.

A woman who doesnt get NERVOUS about sex, has had TOO MUCH SEX. Pump and Dump ONLY. Replace with a more moral, life-respecting woman, rather than a goddam murderous nihilist sociopath!

50% of all people arent worthy of the responsibility to create life!

for a long term relationship, men look for women who would be good mothers.

for a long term relationship, women should look for men who would be good FATHERS.

this just makes SENSE. basically our main goal is to CREATE LIFE. and our ideal partner to create that life with, is someone who presents themself as a potential good mother or good father. because to be mothers and fathers is what we were put on this earth to do.

go to church. everything just seems very cramped and crammed where I usually sit. i dont like people sitting right in front or right behind me. its all just too close.

this weird albanian or greek or some kind of foreign old man sits directly behind me, as he has done several times. he spends the whole mass making sucking and slurping noises, like he is sucking his teeth. it is very annoying. when he is not doing this he is muttering or whispering something the whole time. i dont know if he is saying prayers in his native language or what.

then I thank GOD I am not as weird and senile as him. nonetheless its very annoying to hear him slurping and smacking and whispering for a whole hour. i had the urge to spin around and punch him in the face hahahaha.  i was distracted by this extremely autistic, extremely skinny young man sitting to the left of me. now that guy was WEIRD. he will NEVER get a gf or become a father. Pretty sure the weird old annoying man behind me has children, I think I’ve seen his ugly son and his hyperactive grandson with him sometimes, hahahaha.

so how come women have babies with men who would not be good fathers?

because theyre NOT THINKING. they just go and play the life creation game with any sexy man, because they FORGET that sex creates life. then they get stuck with an oops baby and the deadbeat runs off.

so I thanked GOD I wasnt as weird and pathetic as these people. maybe I can reproduce with an average woman. MY problem is, I WANT above average. but I am below average hehehe.

like That Woman. She was well above average. somewhere in the top 50%, if not top 35%. out of my league. I need someone more at the 65% percentile. or maybe 35% percentile is what I mean. meaning, 65% of women are Better than this woman, hahahaha. just like 65% of men are better than me, hahahaha. in the mating game at least.

what do they do with the buckets of spit wine that the tasters spit out at wine tastings? just buckets mixed with 9000 different kinds of of spit backwash wine. I GUARANTEE you there are MILLIONS of homeless , desperate drunks who would be CLAMORING to drink this wine. now that’s desperation.

now im desperate and needy for a woman….but I wont go after an ugly 40 year old. I seem to still have some standards or self respect hahaha. I have self respect but no self confidence hahaha.

the top half of women are attractive, the bottom half are not. Being as I am not really an attractive man, I do not deserve an attractive woman. And she was an attractive woman. good looking, young, no children, nice and pleasant and kind and likeable and not obnoxious, bitchy, or slutty. she had a real pleasant attitude, which women don’t have any more, and i can tell you, western men are DESPERATE for this type of “feminine, ladylike” woman. she has the qualities that men are ordering mail order brides for. kind and caring and nice and sweet and motherly. you dont want to punch them in the face and scream YA STUPID WHORE at them for being so blatantly obnoxious and disgusting. she will have no trouble finding and keeping a man. now the onus is on her to find a good one, and not a badboy who will cheat on her or dump her. but that is her tragic flaw, she has a weakness for Badboys.

i just dont like thinking the best woman i will ever know has VEHEMENTLY rejected me in a way that says I am disgusting and horrible hahahaha. not a good confidence builder.  i would totally bang a young cute slut just to build my confidence but of course i should never date someone like that.

im also assmad that she will replace and forget about me, a LOT quicker and easier than I will replace and forget about HER.

How can she be THAT great, and how can I be so replaceable and forgettable?

honestly. i am not THAT lame and worthless! i honestly am pretty kewl if you give me a CHANCE!

and she was starting to give me a chance to really get to know me and show real interest and care for me, which is very rare for a woman to do for me!

so yeah I worry about how hard it will be to find someone who….wont necessarily REPLACE her, but wil be GOOD enough to make me FORGET about her, hahaha. someone new that I get along with really well.

someone i get along with really well, and is good looking enough for me to want to cuddle and make out with. this does not happen every year!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_march_(project_management)

being forced to work on a stupid failure of a project by stupid out of touch management

quite simply, i just don’t really LIKE any women. FORGET about like like, i’m just talking about like!

well thats not true, i enjoy this one woman I see at my weekly social event. because she is a good moral person, actually has a good sense of humor, is pleasant and nice, is very very low number and innocent.  unfortunately I have known her for about 4 years and have never been really close to her and I have never found her very attractive. somewhat stumpy and potatoey. she never went out with men because she was a low number prude. i liked that. eventually she got a BF and it became long term and serious and they will probably get married. good. anyway he is a good guy and I like him too. But I am not feeling like ooo damn should have made a move on her. dont feel any regrets there. I am just happy she found a decent man. not a badboy, but he does have masculine confidence and charisma. the perfect blend. really a good choice for her. anyway she is more successful than me anyway haha. makes more money.

Agile programming says real programmers dont write documentation? documentation is for idiots that need their hand held and arent real programmers.

i hate this shit. document document document not for your other programmers, but the lost souls who have to SUPPORT your shitty bug ridden nonsense software and actually have to talk to people. write documentation for THEM. they dont know how to code. they dont even know how to use your program.

really i just want to smoke MJ. especially when i am sad and lonely. or stressed out hhahaha.

shit. you know who is very afraid of abandonment? not normies! but people with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

shit. why CANT normies be afraid of abandonment???!?!?!?! abandonment SUCKS for anyone!

but i guess Borderlines are SO afraid of abandonment that they PUSH PEOPLE AWAY with their paranoid clinginess! and they get really clingy and obsessive, fall obessively in luv!

oh god that sounds like me.

well its not a pattern in ALL my relships. I dont do it with men.

also i never acted out against women really. i would be obsessed and clingy, but i kept it mostly to myself. like That Woman never knew how much I REALLY luved her. then she would have been REALLY scared hahahaha.

Rational Response: I never REALLY smothered women out of fear they would abandon me. I simply wanted her to hang out with me because I was concerned that she was avoiding hanging out with me. I wasnt texting her 100 times a day. At the height of texting, I was texting her once a day and took days off.

 

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NICE NOT TO BE A NEET

may 8

http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline.htm

well my view of others does not bounce back and forth quickly.

nor do i overshare too early. it takes me forever to open up.

scored 21, where 20 to 32 is “LIKELY”. GREAT.

i mean it only happens with romantic type rels.  and i am not back and forth or shallow. its THEM who is shallow. then they dump me, sometimes abandon me, and i am DEVASTATED.

i think this is probably more Highly Sensitive, than BORDERLINE.

https://www.counseling-office.com/surveys/test_borderline.phtml

i mean i dont have mood SWINGS. I’m just always in a bad mood hahaha.

i dont want to be BORDERLINE! This crazy woman I used to work with was diagnosed as borderline and she was both the most sad pathetic and the most obnoxious person ever. i do not want to be like that at ALL.

i pushed her away because i was bugging her…..but i wasnt bugging her every day. i was bugging her once every 2 weeks because i was upset we hadnt hung out in 10 months.

yeah i screwed up, i should just said, THIS ENDS NOW, we need to talk NOW, or IM done with YOU.

but that is just cowardness and meekness and timidity and unassertiveness…..NOT BORDERLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

how come a mistake can never be just a mistake with me? its always gotta signal some major underlying disorder?!?!?!?!?!?!

well because I have taken despair meds and seen a shirnk for YEARS. normies dont do this hahahaha.

because i struggle greatly to do the things normies take for granted, like Work and Bang Bitches.

Or Date Bitches, for that matter hahaha. when you are in your 20s, you bang bitches. starting in your late 20s, you start trying to date bitches long term to find someone for Marriage.

at this point i just want to work a job i can at least tolerate, smoke MJ, and bang attractive bitches. use them for their hot bodies and nothing more. yes this is degenerate, but its not a permanent phases, besides its not hurting the white gurls any. THEY WANT THIS. it may not be good for them, but if they’re not getting dick from me, they’ll SURE be getting it from someone else, maybe even black guys. or arabs. so, better to get off on sluts, than to get no kind of luv at all.

at this point, better to be with sluts than be with no women at all. just dont marry the sluts or get the sluts pregnant and especially dont be FOOLISH enough to get feelings for the sluts. I cant see getting feelings for ANYBODY though. not even decent women. I just wanna pound ass.

i do want to pound bitches asses. i almost dont care about meeting nice gurls because i wouldnt be able to appreciate them. i am emotionally unavailable and will be for like another year. but i certainly have desire to pound ass and then disrespect the women who choose to degrade Human Life Itself by having casual sex.

well arent I degrading human like itself? yeah, but only 1% the amount the women are. they are MUCH more to blame. a uterus is hundreds of times more important than a sperm. not my issue if they dont know how their own damn BODIES work. Of course I will ALWAYS wear a rubber even if they dont request it, because I care about human life, and I also care about getting diseases from these diseased skanks.

heheh big official job interview tomorrow morning hahaha. like, not with a recruiter but with the actual company, in this case, the city gubbermint hahahaha. I dont have a good chance at getting the FT job at all, but better chance of getting the PT job. i will take it because it is a job that is not in a call center hahaha. though maybe it will involved tons of phone calls from angry arab business owners saying why u taking so long to approve my permit. uhhh cuz the guy who can approve it has been in meetings or off all week and doesnt have time to sign the paper hahahaha. we’ll mail you the permit in 4 to 6 weeks hahahaha.

ok well lets register not register a formal complaint then hahahaha.  sorry not sorry.

yeah well I dont want arabs in muh city so this would be a good thing hahahaha.

ill just be like I have enjoyed living in this city for the past 20 years and I would like to give back to this community which is such a excellent place to call home. Serve the residents of the city and make it the best city possible. Help us stay under budget and run as efficiently possible and give the most value in city services to our loyal taxpaying residents. I watch the city council meetings sometimes and recognize the names of the people on city council hahaha.

for some reason my legs are very sore today even though I have taken the last 2 days off from the Gym. I wonder if i Pulled The Hammies while going at 15 degrees on the treadmill the other day hahaha.

that feel when both of the higher ups you will be talking to who make very good money went to the college that was the big rival of your college. your college got made fun of as the snobbish nerds, while you made fun of them as the idiots that would be working for the grads of your college, who were smart and successful. hahaha. except for me hahaha. hopefully they dont say something about college football hahahaha. then i can be like i dont follow college football at all and they will be like what a WEIRDO, especially when both our schools were kinda big football schools.  so I will say football is for n1993r5, dont you know.

oh well

oh shit i think this interview tomorrow is STRICTLY for the PT position. damn.

so that means i dont even get considered for the FT one?

and now i cant log into the system where you apply for the city jobs. getting weirdass asp.net errors.

you gotta be kidding me. my BMR, IE the maximum number of callories I can eat per day without GAINING way, is like 1570 a day. meaning…..if i eat any more than that…..I GAIN weight.  and to lose weight I need to eat substantially less than that. but the national institute of health says men should eat at least 1200 cals a day.

not 1829 calories like i ate today. but we kinda knew today would be intense hahaha. big fam dinner.

not all women are huge sluts. SHE wasnt a huge slut. but she did…..

well leave me high and dry would be a better term. leave me in the lurch. leave me hanging. severely disappoint me. its not betrayal. just feel a bit sold out. LET DOWN. I was greatly LET DOWN. and not easily. not betrayed, just let down harshly.

no, being let down is not betrayal. that is quite savvy of me to realize, as the victim hahaha. i wish she were savvy enough to realize I did not betray her.

oh fook not THIS again. it doesnt MATTER. and she probaby doesnt even think that anyway.

but yeah got to get up early tomorrow and bomb this interview haha.

i dunno i am still happy i didnt take the CALL CENTER job. I am less nervous NOW, the day before an interview, than I was EVERY DAY before WORK at the tech support call center.

so that was how nervous i was there hahaha. every day was worse than a big interview.

anyway. some women who are not filthy whores will also not dump me like a psycho weirdo. not all women are like that, not all women will do that.

hey just think of woman 2012 . she was a decent woman ANDDDDDD she rejected me in a very nice way. Just think of woman2012. way more perfect than woman2015 hahahaha.

just wish I wasnt all sore today. And I dont really know WHY. I ahve been been more inactive than usual. maybe my new muscles are wasting away hahahaha.

i will go tomorrow if i dont die before or during the interview hahahahaha. i think they are going to do several rapid fire speed interviews with at least 3 candidates. starting me at 9:20. what a weird time.

hmm well they could easily do 3 people before lunch.  could do like 60 minute interviews with each person.

a fooking 3 person panel. jeez o petes. overkill. thinking it will be the city clerk, the city HR manager, and who knows who else. probably the fookin MAYOR. the fooking CITY MANAGER.  3 guys making like 80 grand a year interviewing for a part time job making 13 bucks an hour. or is it 14. i think its 13 and change.

oh well even if it goes horribly, its a good thing to do. neets dont go on interviews hahahaha. its how you graduate from being a neet hahahaha.

it would be nice not to be a neet. that is really the best thing about jobs hahahaha. but is it really worth it? with my last job and the combined situation there, I chose being a neet over that ridic situation.

may 9

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

well i did my interview, and i did not die before or during it. i was a little nervous and autistic. I did not get any of the people right who would be there. turns out the main purpose was to establish an ELIGIBILITY LIST for FUTURE jobs, so uhhhh it wasnt for a specific job that was opening up soon. it was 3 women. I was familiar with one of th women and she was very nice. I sent email thank you to my Contact in HR to please forward this thank you message to these three people who I could not find the email addresses for. I found one of them on linkedin and invited to connect. with thank you note I included all sorts of happy clappy platitudes and 2 letters of recommendation, the long resume, and list of 4 references.

rambled a big and sounded retarded and nervous and autistic. This is what I do, I ramble, I forget about that. I am so afraid I will freeze up that I forget really my big mistake is rambling and putting words together that do not go well together, so I sound autistic and neet virgin af.

switched to my old shitty suit jacket this time because it is a better fit (smaller) than the new $5 one I got. I really have to have a small ass suit coat because of my small petite princelike body hahahaha.

sent email at 11:07 am, well before lunch. had interview at 9:20 am.

i was nervous but not super nervous like I was ERRY DAY at my old job.

shaved with brand new razor and got tiny specks of blood on my White Collar hahahaha. hope the HR Women didnt see that. i didnt see it till i got home and removed the shirt.

probably didnt project much confidence wiht my body language. rambled on autistically. apart from those things i did OK, not horrible, conveyed that I was good enough for a minimum wage part time job hahahahaha.

it is amazing I have ever been hired for a job EVER.

but i have done it 9 or 10 times in my life. nevar forget that.

yeah.

oh well. body language, neet autism virgin withstandin g (not notwithstanding because my unemployable neetness was on FULL DISPLAY!), the fact remains that true neets don’t leave their houses to do ANY kind of interviews. so I got that goin for me hahaha. got up at 7 am, took a shower, shaved with new razor, brushed teeth and flossed, put on plain white broadcloth dress shirt, blue dress slacks, red tie, and semi shitty gray suit coat, decent dressy shoes. actually not super dress shoes, but somewhat professional looking skechers shoes with big clunky soles which make me look 1 inch taller. notbad.jpg.

hopefully the one person will accept my linkedin invitation. they have like 230 connections hahahahahaha. would expand my linkedin reach. good get. hahaha. but they seemed nice. AND they went to my fancy pants college. so there.

now HOPEFULLY my HR Contact will forward my email and attachments to the people as I asked hahahaha. she could just say fook that shit ayyy lmao and delete it, with no one the wiser, and the Panel would say, damn what a neet virgin ingrate, guess he doesnt really WANT to work, hahahahaha.

http://www.metalsucks.net/2011/04/13/metalsucks-exclusive-pt-ii-one-year-later-peter-steele%E2%80%99s-people-speak-about-his-life-his-music-and-his-last-days/

heh dont know why i feel such a connection to peter steele. i was reading the blog his family put together and they seem to sanction two decent women he met in his life, one of which claimed to be his wife. i dont know if she was a secret wife, or they got divorced many years ago, or who these women are, probably not the beotch who cheated on him and let to the making of slow deep and hard, which I find hard to believe was written in “4 hours”.  anyway I want to know more about his personal life, his youth, his 5 sisters, his parents, him as a teen, starting carnivore, fallout, him meeting josh silver the j00, the women he dated and fooked, the women he cheated on (well, not sure he ever cheated on a woman, dont want to slander him, but he has himself implied that he has done some women wrong), i really should buy the book. how he got his job with the parks dept, did he drink and party a lot when he was young, what the hell did fallout really do, his formative memories, his true luvs and heatbreaks, the things he read, his thoughts on all sorts of stuff. why did he fook up those relationships with those two women hahahaha. or did they dump him. why didnt he marry one of them. talk about his time in rehab. his time in pennsylvania. shit i think he was technically in pennsylvania when he died. did they do any sort of “toxicology” report when he died. I read an internet rumor that he might have used heroin before he died. but he never used heroin, only coke.  but maybe he got all worked up one day and did a bunch of heroin leading to his death. an accidental overdose. not saying this happened. but yeah why not just marry the gurl you were in luv with when you were 18. he wasnt a neet wizard virgin, and dated and probably fooked gurls when he was 18. why not just stay with them. I wish I were 18 and That Woman was 18 and we met at the same age and I was her first boifran and then by age 21 I would say hey lets get married hahahaha. and both our lives would have been different and better hahaha.

never mind that is not possible because she is 8 years younger than me hahaha.

maybe I should have looked for an older woman?

i wasnt really LOOKING for anyone. there was a time when we were friends and I was saying the same woman-hating stuff I usually do, hurrr durrrr all the women in the world are such dirty whores, i could never get feelings for a woman, why can’t i just get feelings for my female friend, we get along really well. and then I DID. and that went much worse than expected hahahaha.

hey i wasnt paranoid she would abandon me. therefore i am not borderline haha. no i did not see the total abandonment coming. I was afraid about the relationship ending and I was desperate and grasping….but I wasnt contacting her 100000 times per day.

i mean i was a little annoying and pushy but not BORDERLINE!!!!! or maybe I am just vastly underestimating my own pushiness. all I know is, I did not see this ultimatum coming and was shocked. I knew there were obvious problems, but I really didnt think it would end like that, at that time.  i was BLINDSIDED.

people with borderline assault perfectly reasonable people, people who would never abandon a person, people who will Break Up with somebody the right way, with 100 messages a day saying please dont abandon me! please dont abandon me! what are you doing right this second! who are you with! etc etc.

i never did anything remotely like that. I just wanted to hang out once in ten months. borderline people will actually hang out with you, then the day afterward, say stop abandoning me. youre cheating on me, arent you.

i never did anything close to that.

besides, even if a borderline person is paranoid that you will abandon them…….still doesnt give you the right to abandon them without saying anything. you say im sorry but im leaving you, I cant deal with your paranoia any more. or you give them an ultimatum: you have one more chance to stop being paranoid or i’m leaving you. I will also let you know when I’m leaving.

she made some implication that I was pushing her away, because i apologized for the 90000th time about being pushy, and she once said “tbh thats why ive been so distant”

and that was the most i got out of her. well thanks for blaming everything on me hahahaha. cuz its all about you. you cant TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM here and decide to make a cameo appearance just to show a damn BONA FIDE. just hang out with me for 2 hours once in 10 months. I am not asking to hang out with you 3 nights a week! damn!

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM baby. go through the motions once in 10 months! even women giving their husbands going through the motions sex do it like once every two months!  you can hang out with me once in 10 months and me pushing for that shouldnt all be blamed on me being too pushy! take some damn ownership and responsibility here! this isnt about me or you, its about us hahahaha.

yeah i mentioned ownership and accountability in my neet interview today and I saw them write shit down as I mentioned good buzzwords, like proactive not reactive; show initiative and accountability; be transparent and communicative; take initiative to learn things for yourself; follow up and follow through. provide great service. empathize. listen actively. dont take emotions personally.

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND HANG OUT WITH ME ONCE IN 10 MONTHS. 

thats a good post title hahaha.

would i banish j00 josh silver from my white homeland? maybe, but it doesnt matter. i like that he was close with peter steele and also he works as a paramedic. being a MEDIC was his Plan B in life to take care of his family, which has now become his plan A. No J00s work as paramedics. they are all medica doctors. it is hard to find a less j00ish profession. you know who becomes paramedics? white party dudes who are too lazy to get a full degree and just want to make modest money and bang bitches. my friend and I always used to think we were such huge intellectuals because we went to college and knew the names of philosophers, while his younger brother was more of a “meathead jock” and banged hawt popular gurls and became a paramedic and made more money and banged better looking gurls than we did, hahahaha. with less brains and less education, hahaha. I was too immature to realize the younger brother was simply charismatic and a hard worker and very pragmatic. find something you can make ok money at without a 4 year degree. ok ill be a paramedic and have the excitement of saving peoples lives and just go to skool for 1 year.

well he did just that and has probably gotten promoted several times, maybe decided to Finish Up a useful health degree with tons of useful real world medic experience, and I think got engaged or married to some young hawt gurl. thankfully my friend, the older brother, is finally doing well with his career, but it was a kind of bumpy ride. but he made it and good for him. he might be able to get me an entry level customer service job if I am willing to leave my family behind hahahaha.  maybe 10 years ago, maybe. but 10 years ago he was not in that position!

like 10 years ago I got approved to do an americorps program in rural oregon. I ultimately said no sorry. but now I kinda wish I had said yes. knowing what I do now, I would have said yes. how the hell did I convince them, over the phone, to say YES to ME???? I was even more autistic back then!!!!! or was I??? maybe I was more charismatic because I had been with a woman within 2 years and not 12 years hahahahahahahaha. and I still drank so maybe that made me more charismatic too. but i dont think it did…..

anyway i can respect a j00 that does a white mans working class job and did not face any j00ish career privilege hahaha. I guess they have those kid of j00s in new york, but they sure dont have them here. here all the j00s are medical doctors and make at least 100k a year and all live in their rich j00ish neighborhood. round here, j00ish is synonymous with SUPERRICH. maybe josh silver is an orthodox j00 hahahaha. or maybe his family disowned him because j00s arent supposed to get tattoos.

ok i see the cover art of slow deep and hard is actually a peepee pounding a poosay, exactly like something you woudl see in a porno, and which was probably taken from a porno mag. and that v shaped thing is an upside down cvnt flaps, while the lighter green stuff near the top, is the throbbing c0ck. most of the c0ck is buried in the cvnt whcih is upside down and at the bottom. INTRADASTING.  i dunno, i refuse to look at porno any more, so i have no idea what Degenerate Coitus looks like.  i just know that women dont care much about getting pregnant, because they can just murder their babies and not care.

i would have liked to do that to That Womans cvnt, but she is too busy letting tons of other men do that, including black men hahahahaha oy vey. ima racist and i dont CARE. i DONT CARE about being a racist! I just care that I was dumped and heartbroken much like peter steele except i wasnt able to create great music out of it, nor do i have access to the hordes of casual recreational gothic ass to pound, like he did.

i wonder if he ever truly loved a woman again, after he became a rockstar and had easy access to poosay. Or did he just start doing coke and banging sluts and groupies. funny I think that all started between “october rust” and “world coming down.” the real loss of innocence. i picture everything from bloody kisses thru the october rust tour to be good times. october rust being recorded in a whirlwind after a 2 year bloody kisses tour.

then that tour probably started out real fun then maybe devolved into coke and nihilistic hedonism, also some people were dying that peter knew, and that made him sad, and supposedly world coming down was a very negative and painful and bleak album. i dunno it doesnt seem any more painful than slow deep and hard tho lololololol. and DAT RIFF in “world coming down” is super duper catchy.  anyway that is all speculation about what happened during that time. just that there had to have been a loss of innocence and youth at some point that happened sometime around 2000 and probably coincided with the coke. and peter blatantly went from looking young and secsy, to old and haggard. kinda like me. I was decent looking when I was young, but boy I aged about 20 years overnight and now look old and tired and dull. and at least pete was big and tall and could use that to pull gothic whores without effort.

TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM AND HANG OUT WITH ME ONCE IN TEN MONTHS.

not texting you 10 times a day what r u doing. who r you talking to. are you thinking about me. you should be.  THAT is borderline shit. not me.

boy i hope that woman forwarded my email to the relevant parties. I should have asked each person directly for their emails. Or I should have asked the woman directly when I was there. come to think of it i didnt actually see her personally. she was in her cubicle hidden in back. then I waited out in this atrium, and the 3 other women on the whatever committee were in another room, and they came and got me.

yeah it was probably some kind of committee. i asked for a business card to try to imply i would send a thank you email but they didnt have any.

also i was rambling and not communicating like TRUMP.

oh well. neets dont get dressed up and go to interviews even where they talk like neet virgins.

so therefore im not a neet virgin. but i might be borderline hahahaha.

no the key flashcard there is, i am not borderline because….i was not paranoid about her abandoning me, and her abandoning me totally BLINDSIDED me.

yeah just other times when i was dumped, there was never the feeling that the woman hated me, or was upset with me, or that i did something really wrong. they ALWAYS made a clear, valid, good faith EFFORT to spare my feelings. and that’s really all I can ask for. in hindsight I appreciate it, even though I was VERY ANGRY at them at the time. AND I still blamed myself: if i were MANLIER, she wouldnt have dumped me. but AT LEAST she TRIED to be POLITE to me when she dumped me.  Now I realize how damn important that is, and appreciate their efforts even more. they essentially showed some responsibility, some accountability, some OWNERSHIP over their own DECISIONS: like yes, I am owning up to my decision to dump you, it’s not your fault, if anything its MY fault. Im SORRY, but I just cant DO this.

thats ALL I wanted from her. amazing that an 18 year old gurl could be more mature and responsible than a 25 year old woman hahahaha.

oh shit got to remember to listen to this FALLOUT material from youtube. pre carnivore band featuring peter and josh da j00.

ok gonna try to do 1000 caljories now.