NO CONCEPT OF SPACE

for weds the 12th of april

sept 6 2016

At Taco Bell, we’re hungry for Mas. Mas Heart, Mas Flavor and Mas Value. If you want Mas in your life read on!
Think About it…

Do you know how to inspire and engage? Do you make others smile easily?

When you say thank you do you mean it?

Are you a foodie? Do you know what it takes to make awesome food?

Do you love your team like you love your family?

Do you know what it means to create a 5 star customer experience?

Do you take your work seriously but not yourself?

Are you a proud mama or papa when your team achieves success?
If no, your career aspiration with Taco Bell has died here.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ultimately this is actually sad and horrifying but my initial reaction is indignant, contemptuous laugter. but THERE FOR THE GOD GO I. and I must pray that I never reach the point where I would write a job desc like that and wholeheartedly believe it.

got back from big 2-3 day social event, most social i have been in a very long time. still trying to process. kinda overwhelming really, but ultimately very good and glad i did it. good thing for me to do, glad to be invited. was just faced with my own insecurities and issues: somewhat with my own personal failures but what i wanted to explore was my complete failure to communicate and connect with people while I was under the influence of MJ.

yes there were a lot of MJ partakers up there, i kinda expected that, and i said i would partake a LITTLE bit, and indeed i did, for the first time after like a year of abstinence. got an interesting reaction there that pretty much confirmed that i should not do that in a social situation ever. because yeah it makes it absolutely impossible for me to follow or understand or contribute to any conversation, which is very frustrating and also bad for the confidence. other people do not seem to have this problem, but i sure do. so i was careful to just have one puff at a time with large space in between, often PASSING on the MJ as it went around!

and STILL a couple time i went a bit over the line where my mind was completely blown and blazed, and really all it takes is just ONE extra puff which will then totally overwhelm you 20 minutes later and you will feel like a retarded idiot child hhahahahahaha. not fun when trying to communicate with successful adults with good careers, wives, children, etc.

of course there was no judgement happening whatsoever, except by me!

oh man. LOT of stuff to cover. i mean the thoughts that were going on in muh head at the time.

like i want to examine the idea of SPACE and, well when I was blazed a few days ago, I thought DAMN I really didnt understand the concept of SPACE at all, I totally invaded her SPACE like a WEIRDO badman, god damn I was such an idiot who has no idea how to deal with women and rels, i have no concept of this stuff, its SOO BADDDDD, I am hopeless, I can’t believe I fooked it up SO BAD without even intending, to be SO incompetent and wrong, so yeah so STRONG self blaming there, she was RIGHT to react the way she did, she was RIGHT to throw me away, she was RIGHT to never respond to me.

or thoughts of ulterior motives, like yeah, this is just what happens. you might not HAVE ulterior motives but theres NO WAY you are gonna convince the woman of that! It’s simply impossible in that situation! so i need to get over my desire to want to have her understand I did not have ulterior motives. because she never will understand that. never ever. but yeah i dont like being remembered that way.

and when i was blazed, yeah the self blame and self recrimination was just horrible. stream of constant negative thoughts in a multitude of ways. many diff kinds of negativity hahahaha.  in other words I should never do MJ EVER!!!!!

thankfully i did not flip out and have a panic attack or anything, but im sure a few more puffs and i would have been much closer to that! I already felt like a total WEIRDO and outsider and just inferior in every way!

so why do I like this junk again??!!?!?!!!??!!?!??

because it makes MUSIC better and because its ok in “groups” of TWO or smaller hahahahaha.

ITS NOT WORF IT M8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cuz I GUARANTEE there would still be SOME kind of stream of negative thoughts. doubts and fears and blame and recriminations. even if I were alone or with 1 other person. I know from experience, its more than a guarantee, it has happened!

so, if i get more terrible neg thoughts in general when partaking, even in the best of “set and setting”….then why even do it at all?

I could literally, measurably, noticeably communicate and talk to other people better socially when not under the influence. i just had a damn controlled trial 2 days ago. i noticed a definite difference!

yeah it was overwhelming, but in no way did the anxiety when partaking the MJ ruin the overall event. overall, it was mind blowingly fantastic and positive, the most positive social event for a long time.

but when i got done i was more exhausted than I have been in a long time, even more my usual low energy self, but this time was even more extreme, and i slept for 16 straight hours. unbelievable. could not even be awake. and the sleep was pretty solid too. i really needed it hahahahaha.

so now I am trying to wake up from that, drinking some coffee, still feel a little bit “post MJ” and not sure if that is the MJ or just that my body and mind were exhausted and id been asleep for 16 hours hahaha. prob the latter.

so now i can start really processing everything and that of course is a big mission of this blog hahaha. me processing shit. with 10% of that maybe helping the reader hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

anyway. yeah at some points i felt ASHAMED of my total failure to comprehend to her idea of SPACE, and just invading her space over and over and over and over again! no WONDER she reacted so intensely!

and while blazed, i couldnt think of the positive, rational response: yeah I did not have a great idea of space, BUT (AND) she could have REALLY just written me one email. or one text. given me ONE LITTLE THING.

One of the old friends I met who actually lives sort of near me now is a social worker woman who mentioned this great idea of replacing “BUTS” with “ANDS” because AND I guess gives more validation and acceptance and understanding to what your initial complaint is. does not disqualify any part of anything. and then the AND qualifies the good shit as well. I said to her, yes I have read a LITTLE bit about that, and I agree it is totally awesome and I agree completely. she also mentioned the idea of “dialectical behavior therapy” as kind of a counterpart to cognitive behavioral therapy, and I said I knew all about CBT but had never heard of DBT, and I am leary of the word “dialetic” hahaha but whatever you are describing sounds really interesting.

i guess it is a lot CBT but with more of a focus on talking and the dialectic you establish with yourself?? i said I would look it up and i intend to. maybe engages to cognitive component even more, for introverted weirdos like me who need to write 6,000,000 page blogs to constantly PROCESS everything. this might give you a more positive way to process everything.

so, in short, whenever you say BUT, replace it with AND instead. in 99% of cases it will still work AND it will be the healthier thing for you to tell yourself. as far as reaching your goals and shit.

she also mentioned some kind of best practices for goal setting. specific, measurable, realistic, that kind of stuff. i mean i already know all that but its nice to hear other people who are professionals in the area speak about it hahahahaha.

unfort most of the people were anti trump leftists and i was in no position to argue with anyone. i didn’t WANT to argue with them. they are all nice good people who I should look up to as role models 4 a good lyfe……but i just dont care for the leftism. but its not like these people are living their lives being total degenerates! hurting people and lying and cheating! they all want to do the right thing too!

but yeah there was definite examples of antiwhite cucking by white leftists. and not even in a im sorry to be white sort of way. but just enthusiastic, true believer, whites are the cancer of the human race sort of shit, totally shamelessly. but, interestingly, no real guilt about being white, but im sure if i pressed them, they might say something like yeah it sucks to be white and thats why I do everything I can to support the oppressed and be an ally etc. i cant help being white but i have lived my life fighting the man, so i am secure in myself.

i would almost prefer if they WERE ashamed about being white, because that might show me a chink in their armor hahahaha.

someone blatantly said “your mother is a communist” and i was like WOW that is pretty rude, but i didnt doubt the veracity, because I know the guys mother is a lifelong leftist activist type, father as well, and this is where he get it from. which makes sense. if my family were huge leftist activists, i would probably be too. like old school summer of 68 types that became fairly professional, rather than burned-out hippies.  but they are good people and raised good children. also there wasnt any race mixing hahaha. not that they wouldn’t blatantly approve of race mixing! they just never actually had mixed children, and I am secretly happy about that. nor did their kids, one of whom was/is one of my old friends i was looking forward to seeing. he will never change being a huge leftist, but he is still a very good admirable person. but he married a white wife and had a white child too………

its just WEIRD that such decent, good people could also be such damn leftists. so you CAN still be a good person and live a moral life if you are a leftist. its just weird to see though. what would be too far? maybe if any of them had had mixed race children. or were in positions of political power and doing blatantly antiwhite policies. but, somewhat surprisingly, no one is in political power. they have great careers and probably Manage Teams and have masters degrees from top skools and make 80 k a year. but i guess as long as a person is not a lying cheating scumbag, i am ok with them.

but this guys white communist mom has been married to his white communist dad for like 40 years, with no weird open marriage bullshit, and they have white children who married white women and had white children, with no weird open marriage bullshit as far as I can tell.

so yeah i pretty much hid my alt right and pro trump views because a. i wouldnt be able to convince anyone b. people might be like poor him, he’s confused because he’s having a rough spot in life, so he is clinging to this racist xenophobic sexist stuff out of fear and frustration. so i just avoided talking about it and made jokes about guns and even probably one genuinely nonjoking statement about how i would have no problem with owning a gun, which is actually a big deal for these people, most of whom come a town where everyone is a leftist who hates guns and whites and the only people who even Go Hunting are Racist Redneck Angry Uneducated Whites who are angry and afraid and republican and trump voting, fox news, etc. too hateful and ignorant to get their phds and get a professional career and get the political views to accompany those professional careers.

its like these people have NEVER MET A RIGHTIST!!!!!!!!! They literally think they are the worst people in the world! rightophobia!!!!!!!

well, i talk shit about the left all the time, i despise the left and 99% of leftists. these people are essentially GRANDFATHERED IN. but doesn’t it mean there are a lot more leftists who are decent people? yeah probably. lets say 50 50.

but yeah i dont really hate individual people, especially when i get to know them, even hardcore leftists. but i hate the left as a set of ideas that is really destroying the country hahahaha and the west. and the white race.

interesting enough, they can rant about trump and trump is like hitler, its so scary, and be like yeah of course i will always vote democrat, thats what smart people do, who are not evil white capitalist greedy stupid redneck religious gun toting haters! BUT no one had anything positive to say about hillary, and probably were not volunteering their time to campaign for hillary. well hillary is too establishment and not leftist ENOUGH they’d probably say.

but they dont volunteer for even worse leftist shit either.

so yeah these people will always remain grandfathered in for me i guess. and i guess i could probably “keep an open mind” if i were meeting new people. but i dont meet many new people.

but yeah i puffed the MJ and was like DAMNNNNN I REALLY REALLLLLLY was an idiot regarding the concept of space. She told me she wanted space and I couldnt RESPECT that!

well, she could have TOLD me a little better and clearer, and continued to communicate with me regarding it! like, oh by the way, this IS an ultimatum, and this is because i’ve been getting weird vibes from you that you like me, and also we shouldnt talk or text at all, but i’ll continue to talk and text you.

plus, what about: SPACE does not give you license to avoid the issue altogether. avoid and ignore. SPACE means we are gonna stop hanging out, and stop talking every day. but it doesn’t mean you continue to do that FOREVER unless you have a decent TALK about it.  if you want to parlay the SPACE into a Permanent End Of Rel, you have to TELL the person, especially when they make their interest clear to stay in the rel, by asking you every 2 weeks, when are we gonna hang out again, its been many months since we hung out, can we hang out this weekend finally?

heh. we also did a ritual which was partially intended to help me get over That Woman. This is me and this other guy I saw there who is one of my favorite people and who I was really looking forward to seeing, and if i lived in the same town as him, i would Want to hang out with him regularly, because he is a great, classic guy. he is also not as blatantly leftist as a lot of the people. and we are both hopeless romantics who have gotten heartbroken by women many times. but he has improved because of it and become a confident, charismatic, outgoing, charming man, and has Slayed plenty of Pvssy in the time since we were young.

he is very very good at organizing social events and being a Host type of guy, make you feel good about yourself, kind of guy. pull out all the stops and do special things for special occasions, just raise the bar and do awesome things. shower people with unexpected gifts, organizing fun party buses, putting on one man fireworks shows, just amazing the things he does, very glad to know him.

anyway everyone was going to bed early like responsible adults and i was kinda looking forward to staying up late the last night (2 nights) and watching some people get Annihilated (of course I did not drink, i have not had anything to drink since 2009). i thought he was gonna go to bed, but he surprised me by totally playing to my sensibilities. he bullshitted me that we were gonna do some seance type black magic ceremony that he knew, and i played along and honestly was not sure how much he was bullshitting, but he put together this plan to essentially burn a log in half on the fire. put a long log across the top of the fire pit, build fire underneath it, and then the goal is to keep that fire going long and strong enough to cause the top log to break and or crumble.

and then that was supposed to symbolise you getting over something, something you want to be over and done with, something holding you back. I said yeah I can make it about this woman if that’s what you’re getting at, hahahaha.

so i dont know if this is an actual thing or he just bullshitted the whole thing, but it made sense and seemed a very nice way to symbolically “break” someone or somethings hold on you. a symbolic ceremony to turn the page, move on. i said well you can use this too because you have a big move coming up and I want that to go well for you.

initially I thought the goal was to weaken the log and then one of us would break the log by stomping on it or something.

ultimately our goal became to just burn all the way through the log until it broke because of the fire.

so we had to add a RIDICULOUS amount of wood to the fire to accomplish this. and it took at LEAST  6 hours. essentially we ended up staying up ALL NIGHT till the SUN CAME UP and then finally the log split. there was no crumbling really, it was more like two little hands reaching out to each other.

but yeah the log just sits there taking all that heat, not showing any signs of anything, or it seems like it should have broken long ago but it doesnt. pretty much everything about this was symbolic as fook, he knew it, I knew it, he knew I knew it, I knew he knew it. So yeah it was a beautiful thing.

not sure if it actually worked regarding That Woman, I mean I have been slowly getting over her anyway so I dont feel I needed a CEREMONY, plus I said yeah she is technically a good person so lemme just say I am not trying to put any curses or hexes or Black Magic on her, so I covered my ass there hahahahaha. well, I kinda want her to have a bastard baby soon with some deadbeat black, but I guess I forgot about that.

but yeah it was nice that he was thinking of me and did this nice thing for me hhahahaha. very touching. great guy. great to see him after over 2 years. last time i saw him i was just a few months from falling in luv with the woman. i told him, yeah i have this female friend but i dont feel that way about her, it would be weird, i dunno.

i would ideally have some GOOD headphones then get very blazed and listen to this album hahahaha.

I am not as well versed in this album as I am with “transilvanian hunger”, an uncriticizable classic. UaFM I have some actual complaints about, like i skip some songs, guitar sound is too thin. but yeah this probably is culto’s best vocals. totally sick the whole album.

now darkthrone is about as consistent as neil young…..but everyone agrees this is one of the good albums. the classic albums. i would much rather listen to this album than the more derivative albums it inspired. basically just freezing cold, hateful, nihilistic, raw, pure, trve, kvlt black metal. no poseur or hipster or modern bullshit. not overly long. great year, 1993.

none of the women at this thing were really bad. even the worst one is not a bad person. i just wouldnt want to date her. but she is still very nice to me. and she is super duper successful and makes like 150k a year and gives Expert Opinions in Congressional Hearings. yes the big Federal US Congress in DC.

how many men had each of the women been with? how many abortions had each of the women had? how many nonwhites had each of the women been with? how many hearts had they each broken?

none of that really crossed my mind at the time, hahahaha. prob cuz i had NO interest in dating any of the women.

however, the married women, i was kinda judging their mate value. but they were wonderful people too. ideally the one woman would have been a little younger when her and my old friend got married, but they are still a good Pair and they have had a child. but im not sure another child will be coming quickly, and of course that was my ideal, that they have at least 3 children hahahahaha.

basically i care about the mudsharking and slutting and abortions etc a HELL of a lot more when i am considering Dating the woman. if I am just being friends or friendly, I dont really care. also if my freinds are MARRYING the women, i would HOPE they choose at least SOMEWHAT wisely and not pick a TOTAL piece of trash. And i don’t think they did. I just wouldnt want to marry these women myself hahahaha.

basically if i didnt know these people and the first and only thing i knew about them were their horrible political beliefs, i would say, these are probably terrible people. the worst kind of white antiwhite scum.

but in fact they are very very good decent people.

so what did i learn? that leftists can be good people? I already knew that, I mean nothing i’m saying here is NEW. I knew they were leftists when i first met them. and i thought i was a leftist. and i started moving right, righter, and far right hahaha. but they stayed leftist. but they also stayed decent people. i just think its interesting that they never woke up or got redpilled. even getting married and having kids did not redpill them. or working with obnoxious nonwhite customers. living in a multicultural diverse city. i can’t imagine anything that WOULD redpill them. they could get robbed by blacks and then say something like “we cant let this turn us racist. we cant forget that these blacks wouldn’t be put in such a desperate position without racist hateful greedy white men who created the systems of oppression that keeps blacks poor and desperate.” i really think they would say that. NOTHING is going to “redpill” them.

 

EXCUUUUUSE ME FOR TREATING THE PEOPLE I DO THE LIFE CREATION PROCESS WITH LIKE HUMAN BEINGS

june 3

had dream about a woman, thank god not THAT woman, but that “one who got away” in college and i regret not making an effort with her because she was cute and nice to me and not a high number whore at that time. she would have been fun to cuddle with and make out with and hang out with and maybe have as a GF hahahaha. she was really cute and white as hell. and nice and never bitchy.  and not a high number slut hahaha.

so in the dream she was showing some interest in hanging out with me, but I was very busy for whatever reason, and I was worried that by the time I would be ready to hang out in like a week, she would no longer be interested.

i guess i could have met her for like an hour and said listen babe i am so busy, i got exams and I am applying for grad skool (we were still in Kollige in the dream). I can give you an hour right now but next week we can spend some serious time. I will make you dinner and shit.

well that would be too supplicating hahahaha and she would lose interest anyway.

heh the best way to keep her interest, when you worry she might lose interest in a week, is to just meet with her for an hour in your busy life, bang her HARD, then be like baby, i got to get back to WORK, im an ambitious successful man making good deals, so call me next week and I will bang you twice as hard. see ya wouldnt wanna be ya hahahaha.

that is the proper response to that. of course you’ve ruled her out as wife material immediately because she gave it up to you too fast, because she ALWAYS gives it up too fast. technically its HER fault but a woman would NEVER admit when antyhing is HER fault.

but yeah she was cute, and nice, and not stumpy or potatoey, and had beautiful white skin, very cute face, very nice body, she was always laughing and smiling and never bitchy to me, she liked to partake MJ too. I wish I had just hung out with her, partook MJ, watched movies and chilled with her, before she became a crazy careerist slut over 30 hahahaha.

WELL….I was conflicted, because my male friend had actually dated this gurl around that time. He was done with her by that time and probably wouldnt have minded at all if i wanted to give her a try hahahaha but I just felt weird about it at the time. he was a truly a good guy and I had a good connection with him and i hope he is doing well, and found a decent woman and became a father. I would worry about him falling for a crazy bitch though.

so THAT is my excuse, also I was honestly involved with drama with about 3 other women. no i wasnt banging them. yes they were all rejecting me hahahaha. i did make out with 2 of them though. but I didnt even THINK about this other woman. and so naturally now I worry that she is “the one who got away.”

well she didnt REALLY get away. She only lives 60 miles away from me. except now she’s 30+ and has taken a lot more dix.

hmm. turns on TRS forum has become the Hottest Alt Right forum on the internet and you now need to be INVITED to even sign up. dayum. this just happened in the past month. so you plebs can’t see the posts and you just cant sign up. you need to be INVITED by a full member, like me hahaha.

applied for part time job at local university. this is prob muh #1 dream employer but it is nto easy to get a job here at all.

this is the univ i should have gone to, just got a damn business engineering math degree hahaha. the school is pretty srs, they even offer medical (DO) degrees now. possibly even an MD but for sure DO.

so anyway in that dream, there was no touching or fun. the best was i saw the gurl for like a minute, then was stressed the whole time whether or not i would have another chance. i was not sitting there in the dream hanging out with her for hours and cuddling or making out or anything. just 95% worrying that it was over before it even began hahahahaha.  this is normal for my dreams hahaha. and my real life hahahaha.

ok 6 job applications today. i dont have any interviews coming up and got to get some more in there.

ok you want a phone number from a job i had over 10 years ago. fook you. I will write NA and the program will accept that for the required entry hahahaha.

ya god damn dumb shitty bitch hahahahaha.

hahhaha i used to censor ALL bad words. now i just censor fook. because who gives a fook. your wife has a mouth like a sailor and has had 10000000 sailors IN her mouth.  salty seamen hahahahahaha.

and i can be plenty offensive without saying fook hahahaha.

how about when you want to get out of a long ter relationship that obviously is important to the other person, you tell them SORRY and you say yeah I know it hurts to end a long term rel. we had a significant long term rel and i acknolwedge it meant something to YOU at least, so I am sorry to hurt you.

acknowledge that this relationship meant something to me. acknowledge muh pain. understand that you meant something to me.

i think she DOES uderstand all this. against, its just a matter of cowardice. lack of moral courage.

well, the good news is, once you get used to doing like at least 5 stupid applications per day for a few weeks, it becomes a less excruciating routine. you just accept it and copy and paste and look shit up. it gets easier in other words. no less stupid, but easier.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAa

here is a great idea:

sometimes job sites limit you to the number of documents you can upload. SO you simply make ONE document with ALL your documents innit.

its amazing the majority of people are employed!

well wait a minute, actually they arent. alot of people are students.

alot more than half the people are making less than the average money per year, which is like 34 grand a year.

oh sorry its like 28 grand in 2011. per capita income. which is like 14 bucks an hour.  which is less than the fight for 15 hahaha.

horry sheet i was making MORE than that!!!! SHE was making more than that! WE WERE ABOVE AVERAGE!!!!!!!

Listen to me! show some remorse! show some sympathy! show that I was important enough to you to do something courageous for ME!!!

that the relationship was important enough to YOU for you to show a little backbone in trying to do the good karma thing. treat ME like i meant something to you, treat the relationship like it meant something to you. cuz i think it DID. it WASNT all in my head.

june 4

yeah its just discouraging and horrifying that somebody can be by your side and totally with you…..and then just detach and distance themself from you. they dont care about you any more. the warmth and caring they once gave to you and which you enjoying so much and was so valuable to you, you dont get any of that any more, and they give it to other people. they could care less about you. and its all your fault because you pushed them away hahahaha. everything is always your fault with women.

this is so disgusting. because like women falsely accusing men of rape cheapening the real rapes, women blaming men for EVERYTHING kinda cheapens those times when men really ARE at fault, and they beat and abuse women. and then kind gentle men who would never abuse women feel horribly guilty for doing something to push a woman away, and they feel like they are on the same level as the guy who beats his wife and molests his children.

i wasnt courageous enough. well she was even less courageous. i was courageous enough to talk to her. that’s all the courage i wanted from her.

oh well you live and learn. live and learn hahahaha. next time i get feelings for a female friend I will tell her. check in early and check in often. tell them about this cautionary tale and say, we should talk about this every month just to check in. it can totally happen and I dont want my life to be ruined again.

i mean i want the person i marry and have chirren with and spend the rest of muh life with, i want to feel about them the way i felt about her. a total, all in commitment. it was an EASY DECISION TO MAKE, because I was THAT certain. I want to be that certain about someone.  its this uncertain one foot out the door bullshit that causes j00ish degen bullshit like open relationships. people treating human beings like objects hahahaha. devaluing human life in every way.

its the man who is always so strongly anti abortion because MEN understand and respect the value of human life. women just see it as an inconvenience to muh body muh choice. muh freedoms.

and she can talk to her co workers and be like yay we have the best team ever i luv all u so much, and not care about me, and let me drown. i used to be more important to her than just some fellow co worker, then I got downgraded from real life friend to work friend. THAT HURTS!!!!! have you ever been DOWNGRADED from real friend to just work friend? it SUCKS. you have a RIGHT to be UPSET about it. it HURTS a LOT.

and you still see the person every day at work so its not like you can avoid them and pretend they dont exist. because you see and hear them every day.

well she thought she could avoid me and pretend i didnt exist, even though she saw me eery day. She was willing to do that. I was not willing or able to do that AT ALL. because I wanted to talk to her, I didnt want to avoid her, plus i could see and hear her. it drove me CRAZY REALLY FAST.  yeah ok i  reacted very emotionally but she COULD have not avoided me like that.

i dont blame her entirely….but i do blame her partially hahahaha.

there is a huge void in muh life and really the only thing that can come CLOSE to filling it is MJ hahaha. I always found something comfy and cozy and intimate and warm fuzzy from using MJ. that was really my relationship simulator, or relationship substitute.

it was a lot better than having some bitch run through the relationship simulator with me hahahaha. cuz MJ can’t leave you and break your heart hahahahahaha. and you can do something long term with it. it will always be there for you hahahahaha.

also i dont appreciate being treated like a Weird Stalker who deserved to be avoided, when I was a Longterm Friend who just wanted to Talk about a Mutual Problem.

now my judgment is off, and i will feel like a weird stalker for wanting something PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE.

heh. my judgment is off enough as it is, especially regarding wimmin.

this loss might be worse than a death, and it might even be worse than CHEATING. cuz there’s NEVER a good excuse or justification for cheating. you can EASILY make the cheater into the bad guy, and hate them, and get your closure that way. that dirty awful cheater didnt deserve me. but when they just leave you….you are left with nothing. but confusion and self doubt. and there are valid reasons for just up and leaving someone, namely they are abusing you or being really bad to you that you just need to ESCAPE them. so you start to think you were like that. you blame yourself a lot more.

sure you ALWAYS blame yourself for being too omega and too phaggy and too feminine and too weak and that MAKES them lose interest…..but this is different than merely losing interest!

also, you can lose interest after 2 months, but its kinda hard to lose interest after 2 years.

2 years is a LOT different than 2 months.

i just want someone to say yes i know this hurts you a lot. your pain is valid. not something like well you shouldn’t be so upset about her. maybe not, but i AM, so ACCEPT it. and dont tell me not to be upset.

its not THAT hard to understand.

i mean shit if i could force myself to not be so hurt by this, dont you think i would have DONE IT?

back on TRS once again. so many great threads there but I dont really want to share them outside of the forum, probably a bannable offense, and I dont want to be banned hahaha.

ok I will post this tho:::::

QUOTE

When people talk about “being in love,” they are generally talking about the 3-18 month period at the beginning of relationships where floods of exciting chemicals like oxytocin, adrenalin, dopamine and serotonin hit people like a bag of bricks whenever they’re around each other/think about each other. People’s brains do this to reduce inhibition so they’re more likely to procreate. “Being in love” is fooking intoxicating and you basically feel like you’re on drugs just by being around another person + sex is usually involved so that’s pretty great too. That said, this altered state eventually subsides and normal thought patterns take over. At that point, the continued success of the relationship is determined by how compatible their interests, goals and personalities are. So after the initial burst of passion period, the rest of a relationship can be defined by a general fondness for one another and the appreciation of a shared partnership and hopefully the cooperative experience of raising children.

tl;dr: love as portrayed in movies is real but it fades with time because its measurable physiological effects are just there to get you to put a bun in her oven. The second stage of love takes a more effort to maintain since you’re not just riding a high together but it’s calmer and really quite comfy.

END

in response to an 18 year old autist asking about is it possible to really feel true luv or is that just another j00 lie.

NO ITS NOT. And its sad that these young men dont know that, because they have never felt it.

but this response, from a proper mature whyte man, is very very good. true luv is real, but its also ridiculous, and you should expect this honeymoon period to end.

MY issue is, it never did. with me there was never any secs involved or the shit ended well before i was ready. well before the 18 months. shit i wish they DID last 18 months! the FEELINGS certainly lasted 18 months, but the “rel” ended WELL before that.

well shit ok i am past the 18 month mark from when i first fell in luv with HER, which was like in sept 2014. now it is june 2016 and i have made some progress hahaha.

 

WHEN SOMEONE BEGS YOU FOR BETTER CLOSURE, TRY TO GIVE THEM BETTER CLOSURE / EMOTIONALLY ILLITERATE / JELQ MUH DIQ

0128

emotional porn, inspiration porn, prolefeed. real feelgood stuff in MSM to hit proles right in the feels and adult women can gush about about post on FB feeds. overcoming the odds, OR just giving a trophy to everyone, AND becoming more degenerate by the day, ie “feelgood” stories about 10 year old transgendered kids and their mom gives them sex change hormones.

anyway i had a medium epiphany:

if the criteria of whether i betrayed her or not is only if SHE FEELS betrayed, her feelings are valid, they might be wrong or confused or misunderstood, but they are still valid.

well then MY feelings are JUST AS valid, and i am MORE THAN ENTITLED to say I FEEL SUPER HURT by being thrown away like a piece of meat! inhuman and inhumane! nobody likes to be dehumanized, depoersonalized like this.

but as a believer in objective truth and morality, i also want a less subjective standard for measuring/ identifying betrayal than just her confused illogical mind saying i feeeeeeeeeeeel betrayed therefore its betrayal.

i want an INDEPENDENT TRIBUNAL to investigage impartially and provide a verdict and say she was more wrong than i was!!!!! that it wasnt really betrayal!!!!

basically, if shes ENTITLED to think i betrayed her, i’m ENTITLED to think she hurt me! cuz what she did hurt the fook out of me!

you dont get to decide youre DONE with someone, and then avoid the responsibilities of Getting Rid of them. Dump a person, break their heart, AND just essential DELETE them without ACKNOWLEDGING that you are causing a human being huge pain, a person who cares about you greatly, and whom you once cared about.  its just fooked up.

this ammon bundy is handsome as fook! hope that goy has a good looking faithful wife and 8 children.

i mean shit. yeah i can see how a woman would feel betrayed. it taps into bullshit about the friendzone and niceguys….but it also DOESNT. niceguys pretend like they have no interest. they dont say what theyre thinking. BUT a problem i long had with the media narrative about niceguys is……in the micro situation of these women HANGING OUT with these Niceguys Secretly in Luv with them, arent the niceguys GIVING OFF HINTS??? doesnt the woman have ANY CLUE that these Just Friend Guys LIKE them? something never rang true to me about the way “niceguys” were portrayed.

and this applied to me as well: i was feeling great tension and expressing that tension through increasingly heavy handed hints. i wasnt pretending i had no feelings.

AND SHE NOTICED! however i dont know if she interpreted them correctly, ie, maybe she thought “whys he being so weird,” rather than “o noes, he has FEELINGS for me, thats why hes acting so weird.”

so i was communicating something, and she was noticing it. therefore, i was not HIDING it. therefore, it was not betrayal hahaha.

but i dont even KNOW that she CONSIDERS it a betrayal, or shes JUST UGH. ENOUGH ALREADY. UGH. dont feel betrayed, i just idk. ugh idk. just want him gone.

ITS ALL ABOUT YOU. YOURE THE ONLY ONE IN THIS REL. ITS NOT LIKE THERES TWO PEOPLE HERE.

ONLY YOUR FEELINGS MATTER. THE OTHER PERSON AND THEIR FEELINGS DONT MATTER AT ALL. thats why their heart can be broken and they can be thrown away like garbage. they dont exist, they dont matter hehehehe.

you almost NEED to ignore it and shut it out because you can ruminate and overanalyze this forever but you will never get anywhere. there are too many unknown unknowns hahahahaha. or they might be known unknowns. because we know that we dont know them. namely what did she actually think about all this. i shared my feelings with her, but she did not share her feelings with me. other than blocking me and thrown me away. this gives a pretty good indication of the feelings, but theres still unknowns: did she do this because she felt betrayed, or just because she was angry or annoyed? does it even MATTER? NO! I just HATE the idea that I BETRAYED somebody.

I DONT BETRAY PEOPLE. I AM TRUSTWORTHY ALWAYS. This is very important to me.

you can hate me and be angry at me, just dont call me a traitor or betrayer or liar or someone you cannot trust.  that is very triggering and rustling to me.

i mean ive done some shitty things im not proud of……but i do those things much much more to MYSELF than i do to OTHER PEOPLE. whereas it seems that normies are more likely to do shitty things to other people, and not to themselves.

0129

had dream where i was going back to muh job after months. i was in a bus with several of my favorite people from the job, and they were very nice and supportive, and we were all heading out there fr another horrible shift hahaha. there was complaining and grumbling about how horrible things were. how some people just “couldnt take it anymore” and just walked out, disappeared, stopped coming to WORK. there was a person on the bus talking about how she tried to speak with the main manager about something important, and was bitched out about interrupting the manager who had very important valuable work and couldnt waste time. you wanted to talk the manager, you set up an APPOINTMENT!!!!!! and then after being shooed away, they eavesdropped on the manager who was having a very lively and spirited and happy and hilarious conversation with somebody in a “gypsy language”, presumably romani/roma. but obviously not SRS BUSINESS.

and then i thought, oh shit, THAT WOMAN is gonna be there too. and i dont want to see her AT ALL. I am just gonna have to quit again! why did i agree to come back! and felt very nervous and dreadful. how was i gonna survive this life? this horrible job! AND ON TOP OF IT, having to see that woman every day, hating me and ignoring me, and i would probably confront her and she would be a huge bitch and portray me as the bad guy! why was i coming back here? oh god i hope this is just a horrible DREAM!

and IT WAS! so that dream kinda made me feel better about my controversial decision hahahaha.

how can she shit on ME and then still be mad at ME and make other people think IM the bad guy! she should be ASHAMED of what she did, yet she’s DOUBLING DOWN on her bitchiness and anger and hate towards me, when she’s ALREADY broken my heart, then she rationalizes it to herself that i DESERVED it!

what a MINDFOOK!!!!

and the job is already stoopid as fook, AND i have to deal with this woman on top of it? no thank you!

and i wish i could switch to pure hate so easily like she has. but ultimately i will always be in luv with her and always want her, so its like breaking my heart every day.

so the dream was actually good in that it reminded me that i made the right choice in doing what i did haha.

i betrayed her??!?!?!!?! SHE BETRAYED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! well i know it might not be a technical betrayal, but it was MUCH CLOSER to the realm of betrayal than what i did to her!!!!!

women wait until you get very close to them, fall in luv with them, then they totally CRUSH you. tear your heart out, stab it 900000000000000000000 times, after you have invested in them, gone all in with them…..and then you lose EVERYTHING and emerge as a totally broken ruined soul. they couldnt just dump you when you had invested just a LITTLE in them. they wait until you are madly in true lifelong luv with them, before they pull the rug out from underneath you. do they like ruining mens lives for NO REASON?????

hahahahaha.

no, if anything, no i have more respect for the other women who dumped me in a more appropriate kind manner. even if it wasnt perfect, they MADE AN EFFORT and recognized that i would be hurt, and they cared enough about that to TRY to do the right thing.

and less respect for HER, because she did NONE of this. made no effort.

make an effort. write 1 damn email.

thats what mindfooks me so much, is ultimately, how could she do this to ME? i knew she didnt LUV me, but i thought she CARED ABOUT ME AS A PERSON more than to do this to me. you just dont treat a person this way ever. unless they did something really really bad to you, and even THEN, its STILL better for you to take the high road than to descend into the muck with the person who did you wrong. DONT STOOP TO THEIR LEVEL. BE THE BETTER PERSON.

i thought there was more GOODWILL built up. even if i was on the OUTS with somebody, i wouldnt throw them away. i would appreciate them as a mostly decent person that i had good times with. i NEVER had big falling outs with people. usually we just Fade Away or Drift Away and are both on somewhat good terms at the end. but never huge falling outs, unless a woman is dumping me. and most times, heck ALL times till NOW, the woman made SOME kind of EFFORT to dump in a good way, to indicate that it wasnt my FAULT, that i did not do something horribly WRONG. basically its not you its me (meaning them, and dont blame yourself.)

SHE did the exact opposite, essentially saying YOU SHOULD BLAME YOURSELF. THIS IS YOUR FAULT. and i could not handle that. especially when im honestly not sure that it IS my fault. but on a bad day i can sure beleive that it was! and need to convince myself that it wasnt!

http://www.prevention.com/fitness/fitness-tips/how-increase-your-calories-burned-walking

i always see people doing a damn incline on the treadmill and it looks ridiculous, but the calories they burn are also enviable. the best is a weird 35 year old virgin looking man who does a full hour at like 5.5 mph and at least 10% incline (article recommends no more than 7.) this results in him burning at least 1000 calories in an hour, when i have to work hard to just do 500 an hour!!!!

well hes a weird virgin but hes not fat i tell ya!

so i wanted to look up some info about inclines. does it REALLY burn that MUCH MORE calories? initial evidence suggests yes, it actually works. maybe. hahahahhaa.

anyway. i just couldnt imagine how a person could do that to another. i cant wrap my mind around it.

even if a bitch cheated on me i would forgive her immediately, just please dont leave me. oh you can still see him, just tell me if you fook any other guys too, just dont dump me. i will let you do whatever you want as long as you please dont dump me.

this has always been my MO, because i HATE being dumped!!!! and that was when i was getting dumped NICELY! now i will hate getting dumped even MORE!

and yeah i would not be as surprised if this were someone i didnt know. some random bitch. but i actually KNEW her. i was once her friend. just because my feelings change for you doesnt mean you get to treat me like garbage. if i had a friend whose feelings changed for me, i wouldnt hate them, id still care for them, and id feel bad abotu not being able to reciprocate, and i would make a BIG effort to let them down as GENTLY as possible….not make NO effort and let them down as HARSHLY as possible! see how its such a big shocking mindfook!!!!!

and part of me wants to TELL her this, just for satisfaction, just for standing up for myself. when somebody shits on you hardcore, you stand up for yourself and say NO! NOT OK!!! and make sure they KNOW that what theyre doing is HORRIBLE! righteous indignation!!!!!

and i kinda did this in extremely nice, not angry, not blaming language, like yeah i see where youre coming from but i also think i did not deserve to be treated this way, i really dont think i betrayed you, lets just talk about this please.

rather than: you CANNOT do this, this is HORRIBLE, you SHOULD feel ashamed, you did a HORRIBLE thing and i want you to fully know it! SHAME ON YOU!!!!!

i never wanted to end a rel with such prejudice before. like i say, 99% of my rels that end, do so on a mutual drifting away with no real hard feelings. ive never just wanted to just GET RID of somebody. the women who dumped me, i always wanted to reconcile. my college roomate i had a big feud with, well i wanted to get rid of him. but even there the feeling was MUTUAL!  he wasnt BEGGING ME TO RECONCILE!!!! he hated me, i hated him!

when someone begs you for better closure, try to give them better closure.

KNOWING of course that all closure ultimately comes from within…….but the other person can CERTAINLY ease that along. being that they are in the rel with you, and they are dumping you. they can start you off with some good closure if they are willing. and why wouldnt they be willing?

i assumed from the years of goodwill, that she would be willing to lift a finger to give me at least a LITTLE good closure.

maybe in the future i will end up feeling hate and contempt for her, recognizing what a cowardly shitty thing she did to me. but to get to that point i have to stop wanting to reconcile with her!!!!!!

so THIS is the person i wanted to have a long term rel with? what if i was? what i married her and had chirren with her? how would that turn out! HARRIBLE!!!!

whats better, a woman who has been with 15+ guys, or a woman who has been with 2 guys but had 1 abortion?

whats better, a woman who has been with 10+ white guys, or a woman who has been with 2 guys, but one of them was nonwhite?

these sound like retarded philosophy thought experiments, but these are real world questions you have to ask when evaluating the long term wife potential of women!!!!!! its INSANE!!!!!

well, you figure activities like abortions and mudsharking are CORRELATED with being a slut. in other words, if a woman has been with a LOT of guys, chances are, she’s had SEVERAL abortions, and been with SEVERAL nonwhites.

you dont expect abortions and mudsharking out of a woman with a LOW number, in other words. but sometimes it happens!!!!

i dont like abortions, i dont like mudsharking, and i dont like SLUTS. but you cant have all three.

I’m not even sure if you can have TWO.

so, if you are dead set against a mudshark, then you have to accept that she’s been with a LOT of white guys and has had several abortions.

if you’re dead set against abortions, thats your dealbreaker, then she’s probably a slut, probably been with several black guys, and if she doesnt do abortions, then she probably has some bastard kids! and prob not white ones!

hehehe this is why men give up on women and go mgtow.

oh yeah i dont like when they have kids.

but you figure if they are enough pro abortion, they will just abort those kids.

so whats better, a woman who aborts their kids and thus has no kids, or a woman with bastard kids.

THESE are the questions you must deal with regarding the REAL PEOPLE who you are really interviewing for the role of your actual WIFE!!!!!

you get put in between such a rock and a hard place, and you say, well this is a total shit sandwich, cant i find a woman who fits BOTH criteria? has no abortions and ALSO has no kids? why is that TOO MUCH TO ASK in the current year? have the merchants destroyed ALL our women?

despair. making concessions. settling for less hahahaha. coming to believe your requirements are too much, your standards are too high. LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.

LOWER YOUR STANDARDS for your lifelong wife and the mother of your children.

see how shitty that is?

spend the rest of your life with and have kids with a piece of shit. mix your dna with them, and your kids will be half a piece of shit.

i wanted to communicate with her so i was pushing her to hang out.

if she wanted to commnicate with me, she would have been pushing me to hang out. 

and being that i also wanted to communicate, there would have been no pushing! we would have just communicated in a timely manner.

rather than me pushing to communicate, and her AVOIDING communicating. if she wanted to communicate, i wouldnt have NEEDED TO PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

new browser brave from shamed mozilla founder brendan eich, who was forced out of firefox because he was against gay marriage. now he has founded brave.com with a bunch of j00s and SJW feminist techies hahahaha. but maybe they actually know their stuff. god knows i dont have the expertise to say if they do or not!!! i hate tech because its too confusing and there seems no pathway to figure it all out!! so when “cute” little 24 azn girls

https://archive.is/crRqx

https://brave.com/#team

start talking about code, im like, ya lost me at jquery. i dont even know how to javascript. yet a 24 year old azn girl who dropped out of high school, got a physics degree from MIT, then started a phd in CS at stanford, then dropped out, is now 24 or 25 years old, and gives talks at tech conferences all the time, and has Thirsty Leftist Tech Guys who make 100k+ a year lusting after her, is a senior developer on this browser hahahaha i do get frustrated. i took a bunch of tech classes to try to learn this stuff but it still doesnt make sense. its not that im an idiot, its more like i wasnt OBSESSED and Passionate the way these people are, coding 24 hours a day. after a while i had to say fook this shit i hate it, get it away from me.

so you gotta LUV it to be a damn programmer?

i was ultimately convinced i didnt have “what it takes” to be a CS major and get a CS/programming job. that you have to Love Programming and Tech in every fiber of your being; eat sleep and breathe this shit, and i certainly didnt. i just saw it as a means to an end, just wanted to be qualified for the lowest possible entry level tech job.

which as it turns out, is Tech Support, and you dont need ANY CS experience for that, and you just answer phones all day, and are confused and frustrated and nervous all day because you have no confidence that you know what youre doing, and are trying to bullshit to people all day. and then you quit because you just cant handle it any more and you fell in luv with your female friend at the job who just totally threw you under the bus!!!!!!

anyway, brave focuses on eliminating the Ad Bullshit and on being FAST. and also is concerned with privacy and not harvesting your information like j00gle chrome. seems promising so i downloaded the “developers build” and was able to open it and yes it does go pretty fast. it really does seem to go faster than chrome.

thats really what i care about. is it bloated? is it fast? does it have weird backdoors and shit and spy on me? are my main concerns.

and i jealous of young people that get to turn their AUTISM into a SUCCESSFUL CAREER cuz they can get THAT GOOD at understanding code because theyre damn AUTISTICALLY OBSESSED about coding.

this is why you should introduce kids to coding in FIRST GRADE and HOPE it sticks. then they get obsessed with it and teach themselves to code.

so yeah coding is a valuable skill for people to have, BUT…….not if you can just do stupid hello world shit like me. coding is only valuable if you can code at the level of a good CS graduate. now you dont actually have to have the degree, but you DO need to outperform good CS graduates.  can you do that? it takes a LOT of TISM to be able to do that.

i have some tism but not for that. my tism is basically for talking about Feelings and Women hahahaha.

these arent even philosophical, intellectual, masculine discussions. its totally feminine.  but i still cant talk TO WOMEN about it.

because not only are women Emotionally ILLITERATE, they speak an entirely different emotional LANGUAGE than men. i was very literate and articulate in my emotional language, but i couldnt communicate SHIT to her or actually her to me.

i talk about feelings all the time, too much, WAY too much, yet i couldnt communicate with her. i could just use stupid SIGNALS. and she could just use stupid SIGNALS. her signals were worse than mine! she didnt signal she was just gonna up and walk out and throw me away! i didnt see THAT coming!!!!!!

how do you drop out of high school and get into MIT?

how do you get a degree in PHYSICS but then go for a phd in CS?

i mean physics IS super respectable, its just super different than CS! why not get a BS in CS?

how do you get into a CS Phd at STANFORD, a decent skool? i mean its prob not as good as caltech or mit for CS, but its still good enough to get you a good 200k+ job.

you gotta work hard, make sacrifices, and be a little bit crazy / autistic / obsessed. and never get sidetracked from that goal by emotions or despair or life or setbacks or failures or rejections.

yet so many phd’s are batshit crazy, taking boatloads of psych meds. all of them are on ssri’s, and half of em are bipolar.

yet they still produce good work? well im talking about the tech ones. i mean CODE itself cant be fooking marxist to its core, thats one thing i like about code, compared to writing books and papers and articles that are marxist and antiwhite in their very fiber of being. code is not like that.

but that doesnt stop good coders from being sick marxist antiwhite SJW’s wanting ladybosses and more women in tech and teach girls to code etc.

what does it matter if you teach girls to write hello world code, if you have to be a DAMN GOOD CODER to get a damn tech job??????? it doesnt add up to me. you have to make the children AUTISTIC about coding so they build good coding skills and dont give it up.

i started, but i gave up, because it was super frustrating and i couldnt see it going anywhere!!!!!

i was kinda proud of the super complicated shit i did in C++, but i didnt feel ANY closer to what Real Coders did for Work!!!!! i still didnt understand the shit that 25 year old asian gurl MIT grads wrote about on their hacking/security blogs.

now im sure that gurl does do decent work. good for her. but i wonder if she would have gotten so far at such a young age, if she wasnt a hip qt little asian gurl who dresses like a cyberpunk slut when she gives tech talks, and Thirst Betas drooling over her asian ass hahahahaha. and i am SURE she has been with a LOT of guys, and i am SURE she is HORRIBLE to be in a rel with. because shes an autistic, successful, independent, stronk woman who has lots of wealthy guys showering her with attention all over the world.

just to clarify, yes im sure she does good work and probably deserves a good job in tech. i could never code that well because i dont have the code thirst hahahaha. i only took like 7 tech classes in college hahaha.  i dont know what node.js is. i dont know how to use a sniffer or why you would even use a sniffer or scraper. i know how to type tracert into a command prompt but i dont know what its telling me.

there were at least 3 young men at my shitty confusing tech support job who had full blown BS in CS degrees. not from MIT of courshe!!!!!!!!!!! and probably they were a lot like me: they saw this as a good meal ticket, a useful skill you could get a good job with…..but they were NOT AUTISTIC about it, they were just average coders, followers not leaders, they probably didnt understand node.js either, they just did the work and got their degree but did not have a github page filled with impressive personal projects. therefore they could not outcompete top american coders, and not get an entry level coding job, and therefore had to settle for a damn tech support job, with people without degrees, people with humanities degrees, people without A+ certification, etc. in other words if i got a CS degree i wouldnt get any further ahead than where i was. and getting a CS degree is hard as hell. “even” for these guys. it takes 4 hard years of full time hard CS courses! even being an average or below average CS grad is not a small achievement in my book!

its good to want to be the best……but you also have to make that want a reality, by ACTUALLY OUTPERFORMING everybody else and BEING the best. otherwise you just get stuck in a shitty job that literally drives you crazy and gives you a nervous breakdown and makes you Mentally Disabled 4 Lyfe! and now youre a damn HANDICAPPED person who needs DISABILITY payments because you CANT WORK, and you CANT LYFE. fook that shit.

while some gurl who is nowhere near as smart as you, and doesnt even know how to hello world, just goes with the flow and keeps makin the monay. im kinda jealous of HER!!!!!!

how could she NOT know i was hurting? in my email she never read and maybe doesnt even know i sent, i told her i was hurting. but the biggest signal was that i quit muh job because of her.

i never had someone quit their job because of me!!!!!

i like to think i would reach out to them and say WHOA HEY COME ON, you dont have to go THAT far, come on, DONT DO THAT, lets smooth things over and come up with an arrangment where you dont have to do that, we can still work together!

nope, no effort at that from her. and yes i DID want something like that from her! i wanted some sort of communication! and some sort of KINDNESS. why couldnt she show me even a SHRED of sympathy or kindness???!?!?!?! i didnt stab her in the back or the heart! we were friends for almost 3 years!

if you use a cigaret making machine, try to buy the same brand filter tubes as the brand of your machine. like premier or top. actually the gambler tubes worked allright for me even though i have a premier machine.

I ACTED IN GOOD FAITH with her at all times. even if i was scared to tell her an important thing. i always acted in good faith. i dont see how she could POSSIBLY act in good faith when she……….throws me away like a piece of garbage. there is no way you can do that in good faith.

GOOGLE thrown away like a piece of garbage

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=thrown%20away%20like%20a%20piece%20of%20garbage

hahahahaha

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/discarded-like-trash-7522931.html

https://archive.is/trylw    archive of ^^^^ this one

http://www.examiner.com/article/have-you-ever-been-thrown-away-like-garbage

uhhh she did not present those warning signs, did not seem overly selfish or narciss. but heres a good point:

QUOTE

Another generality is deep-seeded selfishness. Now before you rebel at this, let’s look at some of the ways that selfishness gets disguised. People who throw others away will use such justifications as…I didn’t love him/her anymore. or There were just too many problems. It was overwhelming. or The relationship got stale. We just weren’t growing. Underneath all of these justifications is a theme of Me Me Me. I don’t want to be with someone I no longer love. I don’t want to do the hard work that could repair this relationship. I don’t want to be bored. The basic underlying characteristic of a relationship is that it consists of two people…not one. People who are that deeply selfish, need to stay out of relationships. But we know this isn’t going to happen, because they won’t be honest with themselves and attempt to change. They will continue to leave destruction and pain in their paths.

END

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses-discussions/general-support/2426364-thrown-away-like-trash

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1lhmin/me25m_with_my_gf_25f_of_8yrs_been_7_months_but/

broke up with him for no reason, he feels thrown away like a you know what, searched term on r/relships hahahaha

this ones pretty good too. he had her FB password and would log in and spy on her after the breakup to see that she fooked a new guy within 2 weeks and loved him, and said he was so much better than her xbf (the OP!) who was sitting there secretly reading these chats. thank god i never did that!!!!!!

he went through a horrible breakup, found a better woman, but they had to break up due to “circumstance”, probably somebody moving for a Career hahahaha. he is 24 and some kind of grad with a Career and even though he had 2 breakups that were worse than mine, and was devastated, he managed to start his career at a young age. maybe this was because he was not a drinker hahahahah or maybe he was an autisticcally talented coder from a good skool hahahaha and companies where competing to give him jobs hahaha.

basically the point is the man is always wrong, the woman is always right. if the man asks for advice, women tell him, oh heres all the things you did wrong that you didnt realize, now go beg for forgiveness. actually begging is bad, just g and be more perfect and hope she doesnt dump you, you dont deserve her hahahaha. she can do whatever she wants to you and you have to TAKE IT cuz its ALL ABOUT HER, ME ME ME ME ME, and if you dont like it, you can get out, you cant HANDLE such an AWESOME woman, youre no MAN enough to DESERVE her, if you cant HANDLE her at her worst, you dont DESERVE her at her best, or even when she’s being merely not shitty,

you woman hating needle dicked f4ggot rapey entitled niceguy creeper weirdo weak cowardly bitter hateful immature insecure clingy needy thirsty mamas boy!

like if you tell the gf she is acting like a child because she is throwing a stupid tantrum….YOURE the bad guy for talking to her like shes a CHILD. even though she is totally acting like a retarded bratty CHILD.

see

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1cg3nc/my_22m_gf_20f_is_throwing_a_tantrum_that_includes/

anyway. if i ever wanted to GET RID of somebody, i MIGHT avoid them, but if they came at me begging for closure, begging for me to talk to them, and be nicer, i like to think i would be mature enough to say, wow, they are really hurting, i dont want to be responsible for that, im gonna at least try to SHOW THEM that im trying to let them down gently. that im making an effort, that i DONT want to HURT them.

hehhehehe and i am wasting SO MUCH precious time and money mourning over some woman who doesnt deserve it! shes making 15 DAH while i am making 0 DAH! more than 15 times what im making!!!!!!!  when i should not even be thinking about her ever, and making 16DAH while im doing it!!!!!!!!!!

so basically if someone does something, and you think, wow, i NEVER thought they could do something liek THAT to ME!!!!! then whats to say other people also wont hurt you in shocking, surprising, unknown unknown ways??? ways that you can never fathom or predict or understand or even prepare for or defend against?

they will find chinks in your armor you didnt even know were there, and slip the fookin sword in!!!!

bitches can

JELQ MUH DIQ

hahahahaha.

i couldnt remember what that word meant. i should not have looked it up hahahaha.

it just boggles my mind how much some stupid woman can hurt you, namely because you luv them TOO MUCH; and its mind boggling how DEGENERATE people can be. like her going off and jelqing dix of guys she just met. its just SO degen to be a slut doing promiscuous casual sex, it disgusts me SO much and makes me SO angry that women ruin themselves in such a disgraceful way. how can you make wives and mothers out of these pigs? i mean they would have to go through an INTENSIVE repentance and rehabilitation project.

so shes fooking guys, making videos, they are seeing and doing things i could only DREAM of, i never got to make out with her or cuddling with her, yet here they are fooking her up the ass and they dont even know each other or trust each other. something just seems so wrong about that. to indulge every sexual desire as quickly as possible. before getting to know each other.

how long does it take to really get to KNOW somebody?

at least a YEAR.

so wait at least a YEAR before having secs with a guy. bitches.

oh but he was so charming and secsy. i had no responsibility in the matter.

so youre saying you didnt consent? fook that shit. just make the CHOICE to CLOSE YOUR LEGS, WHORE.

say it with me: CLOSE YOUR LEGS, WHORE.

hahahahaha.

how HARD is it to KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED, WHORE.

very very very very very very hard, apparently.

HARDER THAN A GAMMA MALE TO GET SECS FROM A WOMAN.

yes. the woman you wanted to commit to and spend your life with and have children with, dumps you without a word, and goes and does PORNO DEGEN shit with random sleazy strangers, shit that makes schlomo rub his hands and say GOOD GOY, yes, discover yourself secsually, its so liberating, and theres nothing wrong with it!

so then women tell you, well you dont own her, she can make her own decisions, and if shes consenting to the promiscuous, pornographic secs, its all good.

well its true its her body and she can do whatever she wants. that doesnt make pornographic secs good or right or moral.

and all the worse when you were prepared to make real sacrifices for this woman, build a future with her. then she throws you away without a word.  now i have no PROOF she is out doing degenerate porno secs, but it wouldnt really surprise me. NOTHING would surprise me after the big surprise she gave me. if shes capable of THAT, shes capable of ANYTHING. abuse. abortion. torture. cheating. mvrder. degeneracy. promiscuous. porno. open rels. slippery slope. where does the degeneracy end??/?????!?!?!?! who knows??!?!?!?!

but i KNOW she USED to be a decent person. she wasnt hiding this secret alter ego from me all along. theres not even a secret alter ego i can blame it on. its just one big bad decision. in fact shes probably NOT having degen secs with randos, rather shes continuing being a Nice Gurl with her family, like she always was.

i just wish she had some REMORSE for this. and hadnt made such a BIG mistake. or at least showed REMORSE for it.

http://iqtest.dk/

i did this in like 20 out of 40 minutes and got a damn 115 IQ. that does not make me feel good about myself. i always thought i was more like 125 at least hahahahahaha. 115. i am a fooking idiot. i r not smart enough to become a stem master hahahaha.

i am the dumbest person on the trs forums hahaha

i could probably get a little higher if i got a few more questions right. its all pattern recognition but some of those patterns are RIDICULOUS mufooka. i guessed outright at at least 3 out of 40.

 

DO WOMEN HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER

0106

Your BMI is: 26.0
Target weight range: 118.1 lbs – 159.6 lbs
YOU   26.0
Under Healthy Over Obese
B.M.I.
Body Mass Index less – 18.5      18.5 – 25.0      25.0 – 30.0       30.0 – more

Weight RangeRightarrow
118.1 lbs      159.6 lbs         191.6 lbs

make sense of that or youre fired. make sense of many weird looking things like that without help, training, or assitance, or youre fired.  hhaahahaha. also explain the shit to laymen. like yourself. but its your job to be in the know.

come on. people not as sharp (smart) as me get jobs, i was smarter than 68% of people at my last job, which required you to be PRETTY SMART just to SURVIVE in the wilderness, the baptism by fire. but more imporatnt than being smart is being COOL UNDER PRESSURE and CHILL and “go with the flow”…….which i am defnitely NOT, to my own peril and failure an despaire and misery hahahaha.

ok gotta go fatclub now

http://intervention-directory.com/

intervention is the best and only show of its kind but it still has glaring flaws imho, namely not long enough episodes, not enough attention to rehab and recovery and follow up. although they do keep track of the people and have like a 70% recovery rate which is pretty good. but some of us really want to know what happened to these interesting memorable people. this website is a “fan made” thing which appears to aim to catalog that information. sometimes the people who were in the episode leave comments or people who know them post updates.

that feel when you had a lot of potential but wasted it and you would fail the psych test to get into certain jobs like military, police, maybe fire, maybe nursing

yeah i also feel like ill never find a better woman. i mean she was young, nice, attractive, not a slut, no kids, no tattoos, chilled out, low number of men, no drug addiction, no raep or being abused. when i am ever gonna meet a woman this high quality ever again? her composite/overall score is super high hahaha. lots of good qualities. at first i thought she had too many family issues, but altogether, she really didnt.

oh well. i cant convince her to “take me back.”

because theres nothing to go back to. we NEVER HAD a rel in that way. we NEVER HAD that kind of rel, where she was heavily invested in me as a luver. nope. we were JUST FRIENDS. and i dont want to go back to JUST FRIENDS.  just wanted to be treated like a human being by someone i had serious feelings for.

but yeah it seems most women are MUCH more damaged than her: bastard kids, lots of partners, certifiably insane with cutting and eating disorders; raepd or molested by someone; abusive family. or maybe ive just been watching and reading INTERVENTION too much! not all people are like that!

nto that that makes them bad people, it just makes them undateable to me. but then again I am pretty undateable hahahaha.

yeah i gotta stop reading all these interventions. tragic terrible lives. doesnt make them bad people tho hahaha but i was watching and theres like a 25 year old heroin or meth addict with bastard babies and batshit crazy but she still may be somewhat attractive and then i think YEP she would be out of my league because shes ATTRACTIVE hahaahah.

but yeah i hate how muh confidence is at an all time low. just an absolute all time low. i was not a huge winner but i was the biggest winner id ever been in 10 years: FT job, making over 12 DAH, working with other men my age and older. this was a grown mans job.

i was close with a woman who met all muh high standards and we had a good decent rel….until i fell in luv with her.

i was doing a ridiculous and challenging job that pushed me to my limits every day, and very often rising to the challenge.

and now thats all gone. ALL of it. heh. i may never make 15 DAH ever again hahaha. it aint easy. you gotta work HARD for that money, and when i say work hard, i mean, its like somebody throwing something at you all day saying “THINK FAST!!!!” and then they throw you a snake, chainsaw, flaming torches, a 10000 pound weight, a bomb, an aborted fetus, a 10000000 dollar vase, a machete, a bottle of acid or the type of thing that will explode when you drop it. THINK FAST! CATCH THIS!!!!

all the while trying to communicate to the person that ITS OK, I KNOW WHAT IM DOING, when you are thinking GOOD LORD I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING! I CANT DO THIS! HOW AM I GONNA DO THIS? I HAVENT BEEN TRAINED FOR THIS! WHY WAS OUR TRAINING SO WOEFULLY INADEQUATE! PLEASE TRAIN US MORE!!!!!

yeah thats what i hated the most, was the unexpected nature, and the constant fooking confusing of I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON OR WHAT TO DO HERE and then having to fake your way through this all the time.

BUT I DID IT!

old unsafe link to fatherland podcast, see sidebar for proper link. this is when i first discovered the fatherland 6 months ago. still listen to it very regularly.

0107

oh this is great. found this on TRS forum, hopefully they get promoted to front page of TRS. podcast on being an “alt right” father from alt right men who are actually married and have kids. and arent hateful neet virgins. they can probably advise on selecting a good wife too.

anyway the point i wanted to beat to death now was that we ACTUALLY GOT ALONG WITH EACH OTHER, and it hurts to lose that. it wasnt a going through the motions charade, like when your whole rel lasts 2 months. you can be nice to each other and have secs, but you cant really get along with eachother because you dont really KNOW a pesron in 2 months.

i KNEW her and GOT ALONG with her and there wasnt the stupidity and stress of secs to rush our rel through a Short Charade of a Rel, beginning middle end within 2 – 3 months. i hate that shit.

i should be watching more of sam hyde, of course hes on my radar.

i feel like i am defending myself before a court of women who would say well she did this FOR A REASON, you cant blame it all on HER, you were pushing her and she felt betrayed, so, it makes sense she would do this.

well first of all no women are really sitting in judgment of me on this, that court of women is all in my mind.

second, i didnt have expectations of her returning my luv. i predicted she wouldnt. i DID have an expectation that we could discuss this issue like adults who had a history of friendship and really knowing each other and getting along with eac other. so then we sit down, discuss it, and agree that she cannot do this, but end the rel with “no hard feelings.” or at least not a MAXIMUM of hard feelings.

she KNEW i was upset, i could have gone and Kd myself gods sakes. not that i ever SAID anythign like that. but she knew i was upset and didnt do anything to try to decrease that.

i dunno. i just dont want future women i deal with to DEFEND her, and act like I didnt try to empathize with her.

talk abotu getting ahead of yourself!

i would say, we had a good rel, we really got along well, then I developed feelings, and tried to talk about it with her, but unfortuantely she didnt want to talk and then just cut off the rel right then and there, and i was very hurt. period. the end.

also the idea of when you can feel the balance of power shifting. usually this comes with one person investing more, being more committed, having feelings the other person doesnt have, needing/loving the other person more. then the lose power, the other person has more power, and then they dont like that, and they leave you. hehehehe.

well if they are a woman. it seems men have less problem staying in a rel where the woman loves them more; the man will just keep them around rather than dump them.

837 calories for breakfast hahahaha. then a 705 calorie burning session at fatclub. the good news is i have no anxiety about going there.

the eternal question: should you have kids with a nonwhite nonslut who does share your values, vs a white slut who does not? for a man who is fairly race conscious and doesnt really WANT mixed kids, but white kids!

the obvious answer is none of the above. im not sure my white buddies are saying MAN UP AND WIFE THOSE HUWHYTE SLUTS!!!! they would say, none of the above, keep going till you find a white woman WORTH wifing up.

chip and joanna gaines. so i watch hgtv, so sue me. he’s white, SHE is obviously mixed but still bretty attractive. i would not turn dat ass down if she were giving it to me. but would i have little quadroon kids with her like he has?

One of her staff got back to me with “Joanna is 1/2 Korean, 1/4 Lebanese, and 1/4 German.” says yahoo hahahaha.

so, 1/4 white hahahaha. hmmm and i thought she might be as much as 1/2 white!

well some lebanese look sort of white i guess. or maybe BOTH of her parents were each korean mixes hahahaha. i can tell you that korea sounds like a horrible culture which warps the minds of its people who probably bring some of that mentality when they come to the US hahaha.

http://www.drlaura.com/

dr laura might be a good source of traditional, nondegenerate life advice.

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Am-I-Anti-Female/475.html

” Now, women have largely become “pigs.” Instead of embracing modesty, pride, values, and self-value, they parade around showing their bodies like Playboy bunnies, have sex before “hello,” shack up with men without marital commitment, make babies on their own (declaring that men/fathers aren’t necessary), use abortion as birth control, and don’t imagine feminine sweetness has any place in marriage and are bored with sex with their husbands but turn on to every other Tom, Dick, and Harry. That is why men have little respect for women these days.   ” NOICE

i was out “socializing” last night and some young woman made a remark like how come guys can be a manwhore and they think thats cool, but a woman gets with a lot of guys and shes a slut. it was a silver platter delivery for my moment to mansplain on my favorite topic. but the girl was kinda annoying and not super attractive, but young and white. i didnt get the vibe that she was actually a huge whore but who knows.

http://www.drlaura.com/b/Sex-as-a-Commodity/818.html

old forum post

heh that stefan molyneux culture of critique pic i was lookin for

watching a washington POST livestream of big trump rally in bernie sanders ville and see a guy saying the 14 words in teh chatbox lol. washington post. just a standard trump rally. seeing race realists representing. NOICE.

Men could impregnate 400+ women in the time it takes one woman to have one baby. and that is assuming only 2 women per day. anyway point is, thats why its so EGREGIOUS when a woman has casual sex

0108

i dunno. have always been insecure in muh masculinity, never felt like a real man, which has impacted everything. jobs and women and life.

questioning how much agency and responsibility and accountability women really have. basically this means it is all my fault for getting dumped, because i did not LEAD the woman they way i was SUPPOSED to. standing up to shit tests, putting the woman in her place, saying this is the way its gonna be, putting my foot down, leading, being a REAL MAN, not an indecisive pussy. i needed to be an anchor and use a STRONG HAND to guide her. so i lost her because i was weak and unmanly. and i cant blame her for not showing agency, because it was MY job to show agency. as the woman, she can only show agency if I show agency……and i did not.

well, i showed a LITTLE bit eventually. but it was too little too late.

google hugless virgin hahahaha

oh wow shit is getting real with these cologne rapefugee attacks.  apparently twitter is doing some admin backend shit to minimise the #rapefugee hashtag because its racist and yurop needs to welcome more #rapefugees in order to stop this rape crisis hehehehe.

things are getting pretty exciting politically/socially/culturally, the new current year is obviously the year of the “alt right”. this stuff is bigger than i have ever seen it and i have been following it for at least 5 or 6 years hahahaha.

anyway YEAH i should have been more manly and used my Patriarch Hand….but i still think she could have been a LITTLE better. it doesnt take THAT much agency to write an email. well i wrote LONG emails and LONG emails are WEIRRRRRDDDDD.

and i cant even write her off as a cheap loose fat slut with mud kids and bad tattoos and etc…..cuz shes not. she just doesnt know how to deal with men cuz she has no real father.

#rapefugees hahahahaha and white leftist feminists can look the other way when white women get raped, see the brown muslim rapeugees are just punching UP so its ok.

anyway it seems more and more than mgtow and mra stuff is just the flipside of feminists, and its so stupid to be divide and conquer against women.

think of it this way: it makes much more sense to be anti other races, than to be anti WOMEN. women are not your enemy, the people trying to destroy your race are the enemy. this is why i moved to racialism from “meninism.”  becuase i still want to luv women. so the beauty of the white wimmin does not perish from the earth hahaha.

but yeah i wish i had more than 1 female friend. i mean females are different but i dont know how different they are. i mean just the fact that i could get along with a woman so well. i didnt do anything special or play any kind of game. it just HAPPENED very very naturally. no roosh pick up stuff, no negs, no DHVs or PUA stuff. just normal non autistic becoming friends and getting to know u.

and i just dont like the SUPER DUPER patriachal thing where you absolve women of all their sins because they dont know what theyre doing, they dont have angecy, they are like puppies or infants.

yeah they are more emotional and many of them are STUNTED mentally at age 16 forever…..but i didnt think she was hahahahahaa. i did hold her to a higher standard cuz i honestly thought she was better than that.

ok fatclub time.

FULL BLOWN LUV IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN WANTING TO GET YR D WET

1231

had a dream where i was walking thru my old high school as like a 21 year old man. weird. not sure what i was doing or who i was looking for. wandering slowly. about 20 feet behind me i saw a gurl i hadnt seen in a few years, who i sorta liked, but was a huge mudshark slut. i would have liked to bang her tho. we were sorta friends very briefly, but i didnt know how to pull sluts, and she lost interest in me due to my omeganess and at the time sloppy drunkenness and just went and was a slut for musicians, hipsters, scumbags, and nonwhites  happily ever after hahaha.

so i was like its been a few years maybe i can have a fresh start and bang her whore ass. so i stopped walking and waited for her to catch up to me. she must have not seen me even though i was looking right at her, she stopped and talked to someone else.  ok fine i will come back in a few minutes. who the hell does she know here? well she fooks everybody (but me) and has 90000 fb friends, maybe she found another secsy man or person she knows. whatever she still looks good enough to bang.

i walked around a bit more then came back and saw she was talking to someone else this time. great. i didnt want to just interrupt tho that would have been the masculine thing to do.

i went into the cafeteria and in there i saw THAT WOMAN. she looked angry or upset and a young black man was trying to comfort her. i went down there cuz i wanted her to see me. she saw me. and then i started crying like a little bitch and started running out of there, moaning and wailing, saying nooooooo, how could you do this to me, whyd you do this to me…. real good show hahahaha. then i woke up and it was time to get up. but it was just stupid that she damn popped in in the last minute of the last dream before i had to get up. stupid.

yeah when someone drops you like this, you can ONLY THINK, what did i DO WRONG to DESERVE THIS? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

yeah i should have been more straightforward, but she was refusing to meet with me, but stringing me along that we would meet someday. BUT i was also signaling hardcore, that i was NOT hiding. signaling that my feelings had changed for her. she CERTAINLY picked up on that and thats WHY she became distant. she didnt WANT to talk further about this, she just wanted me to STOP. i should have just taken that as my answer, but i dont work like that hahaha i always need to tell them and have them respond to it, which i dont think is inherently wrong!

so in other words, she KNEW what i wanted to talk about, and she did not want to talk about that AT ALL. she just wanted it all to go away. well it sure did.

redacted

do women have AGENCY? many on my favorite new forum would disagree.

i dunno. i just dont know. i would like to think that decent marriageable women have SOME agency.

i just really hate the idea that if i had had more agency, i could have been with muh luv. i could have won her. i could have made her luv me and want to be with me, if i had not screwed up, had been more masculine, more alpha, more agency, more strength, more of a man. but i failed and lose muh one true luv, who would be a good wife and mother of muh children, unlike sluts, or older women, or single moms, or whatever.

heh my 2d waifu sinead is in the MW new years hangout chatroom RIGHT NOW trying to get in the actual hangout. oh i would luv that.

her and renegade view the “alt right” as controlled opposition sellouts and cucks hehehehe. they have been talking smack about ramzpaul and richard spenser. havent seen any official sht talk from them against MW but i would like her to talk to MW. She could not find the link to the hangout and i almost WHITE KNIGHTED and sent it to her hahahaha. because i like her more than other fans of MW and TRS.

that the “alt right” is a bunhc of PUSSIES and WEAKLINGS and LUKEWARM and not willing to go all the way for whites, all talk, no action; moderates, degenerates, cucks, cowards, and that sinead and co are on the real winning team hehehehe.

and i am in luv with her because she is counter-semitic and looks like the woman who i am in Luv with hahahaha. and she is the qtest young woman ever seen in The Pro White Movement.

and its no use signaling to sinead because she is with the renegade guy i think who is way more handsome and alpha and younger than me, and she has a kid with him, and she wuld think i am a phaggot pussy omega not WORTHY of a decent white woman. go and get one from fookin cambodia or some sheet. cuz i am too soft on degeneracy and dont deserve a REAL woman.

well i kind of DONT! i am a huge loser! 8 pounds overweight, jobless, no confidence, no skills, no charisma, nothing to show for myself hahahaa. lost all muh frendz and muh job and muh woman and became a neet hehehehe.

a friend of a friend is 40 years old and i learned he has an 18 yo gf. INTERESTING, i said. i am interested in how that turns out.

redacted

there is nothing wrong with a 40 year old wiht an 18 year old, although normies even men would find it “weird.” the real stupid thing is assuming a 28 year old woman is any more amture than an 18 year old! when they bring up the “well the 18 year old is just not mature” argument. yet the 28 year old with 30+ men, IS somehow mature through that enlightening life experience.

the man was very lonely and had not dated in MANY YEARS so that was seen as factoring in. turns out the gurl was not terribly attractive, esp for an 18 year old! heck the 25 year old gurl i was in love wiht was better looking.

so there was thoughts oh he is so lonely and desperate to get his dick wet.

i sort of agreed but i would add, its now gone FAR BEYOND THAT. becuase now he is in FULL BLOWN LUV and thats the important thing now, that is MUCH more power than wanting to get your dick wet!

and possible she will dump him and he will be DEVASTATED. even worse than i was cuz hes in a rel with and banging this girl. and then he will be a 41 year old man dumped and devastated by a 19 eyar old gurl.

i hate to see that happen! cuz he is a great guy, met him a couple times. but TEXTBOOK beta niceguy. not the entitlement kinda nice guy either, but just a nice sweet gentle soul, who is gonna get dumped for being Too Nice and not Masculine Enough. and he doesnt deserve that! he deserves a nice 18 yo gf!

so “my” woman wasnt perfect but she ticked my most important boxes:

not a slut: VERY below average number of cox

really nice and sweet and gentle and loving and kind and caring (until she wasnt)

decent looking, perhaps a 7/10 and 25 years old, when am i ever gonna pull a gurl THAT HAWT again?

no kids

so yeah i think damn how could i ever do better than that. well by finding a woman who actually likes me. but she probably wont be as high quality! and i will always be COMPARING her to That Person.

so really the only thing i can do to have her fade away is TIME. i mean That Person technically wasnt as High Quality as the Previous Woman, who was healthier, had a better family life, more Emotionally Mature, and had even LESS cokz!!!!!! damn!!!!

and when i first met that person i was comparing her unfavorably to previous woman! but then eventually, in TIME, i got over previous woman and fell in total luv with That Woman!

so, IN SHORT, i could possibly get over that woman and fall just in luv with an even LOWER quality woman in a few years hahahaha.

oh yayyyyy my waifu sinead shiska is now in the hangout i hope she stays in there at least 1 hour and has a 1v1 convo with MW in the new current year

she is so purty, i guess she sort of looks like That Woman but sinead is technically better looking hahahaha

sinead was talking real fast and had that crazy look and then she abruptly left. she probably called them alt right phaggot woman hater mgtows who hate women and dont deserve a good woman like her, and that alt right is a bunch of talkers and compromisers who will sell out the huwhites while its TRUE pro whites like sinead who will save the white race by having white children and homeschooling them.

well i wuldnt disagree, that is a GREAT idea

i dont even know what she said, sound was not on, just watching the chat blow up faster than i could read it!

now sineads husbando kyle is on the hangout and sinead is in the chat hehehe. they might also be calling the alt right faggots for being pro christian, pagan is the only way hehehe

again i am not actually listening

well these are legit debates. i mean the alt right is not anything monolithically. some are christian, some are pagan, some are even atheist fedoras hahaha.

theres a new guy in there, i think its seventh son from TRS oh yasssss this might be the hottest hangout yet

this might not be the first time 7th son has shown his face…..buti have never seen his face until today!

010116

its the new current year hahahaha.

i watched the countdown on fox news and then went to bed at 1220 am hehehehe. though well whos SHE fooking or kissing at midnight. last time i “partied” was 2008-9 nye because then i was drinking. i am sure i got raging drunk. yeah i think all i did was get stupid drunk, then smoked a little bit of MJ and just got completely incoherent, and the gurl i wanted to be there, a dirty mudshark  crazy whore, was not even there, prob off at some other party getting drunk and fooked. i drank myself into oblivion and passed out on a couch or floor. woo hoo. great times.

so yeah i hate the tradition of you kiss some herpes ridden b at midnight who is just gonna suck some other guys d in 15 minutes hahahahaha.

well ideally you have a monog gf, or someone you are looking to make your monog gf, and then you make out with them at midnight.

i did this once when i invited Woman2 to nye party in 2004-5. i know i made out with her at some point. everyone was drinking of courshe, we went to my room, made out, i was too scared to plow her becuase i thought that was a serious thing, then she left and got plowed by another guy in the house, then i think came back to me an hour later, then left in the middle of the night hahahahaha. what a worthless whore.

however even she communicated better and treated me nicer at the very end than That Person did!

yeah i would totallly race mix with the truth will live, a qt jewish alt right gurl, who, like me, is OBSESSED WITH MORALITY, including of courshe sexual morality, and she understands why secs is serious and casual sex is IMMORAL. she is super qt as well, way qter than a J gurl should be, yet she showed her 23&me results, which is the kewl thing to do for young “alt rightists” who are interesting in race, and yeah she’s like 98% J. its legit.

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-doesnt-he-appreciate-me-0

i mean i dont WANT to hate women. i dont want to be a pathetic woman hater who hates women becuase he cant get a woman!

but i cant get a woman and when i try they disappoint me in very immature and hurtful ways. they throw me away like garbage or make out with me, then leave and FOOK another guy, then come back to me again after having just been fooked by another guy. that’s not right! thats not normal! NAWALT!!!!!

and i really do treat women on a case by case basis. i dont prejudge them. but i sure as hell JUDGE them! and most times i am judging by evidence that i see or they plainly admit! just talking about their slutty lives and casual relships! and i just say mhmm mhmm tell me more, but in my mind i am judging them and crossing them off the list of acceptable wives because they are clearly living a degen life and have no morals!

well i shouldnt say that. they “JUST” have very compromised sexual morals. but that is a dealbreaker for me!!

this hacker weev seems pretty kewl and he is hip to the racialism. i would hate to compete against him for a quality woman hahahaha cuz i would get BTFO rightfully.

that feel when its your job to help someone, a customer or client, they’re talking about something you dont know, and you have to figure it out through sheer force of will and you cant pass them on to someone else. you can sort of get help from people who are too busy to REALLY help you so they just give you short unhelpful answers via a chat program. that and shitty technical articles are your only resources for solving and explaining whatever ridiculous shit your person has. god damn i hated this. i would get so nervous before each day of work i would say like 2 rosaries worth of hail marys, starting before i even got out of bed, contiuing as i got ready, chugged coffee, pooped 3 times becuase the coffee, drove off to get there a solid 45 minutes before clocking in just so i could Self Train, make a good impression with higher ups, talk to people about Techincal Issues and try to win friends and influence people so i wasnt seen as a weird neet autist, read emails, read new/updated tech documents/articles/news,  hail marys all the way, drinking more coffee, pooping again.

the constant nervousness really sucked. damn i hated being so NERVOUS all the time!

and SHE was there every day with me. at first she was moral support and i couldnt do it without her. then she was kryptonite and i couldnt do it WITH her there. my god how insane.

ok time to go to fatclub. my resolutions for new year are to lose weight and get new job.

not to get over her because i cant see that happening before 2017 hahahahaha. also even 2 resolutions is too much hehehehe. i am optimistic about losing weight, but i dont NEED to lose weight as much as i NEED to get damn slave job hahahaha.

 

LOOK LIKE A POTATO

1114

yeah big terrorism in paris yesterday, 150+ dead, thats a big deal!

mill woes talking about mgtow and his own painful rel with a female friend and how he threw away 7 years, age 18 to 25, being a “milk sop” hopeless in love with her, dear god.

” The Reactionary Tree 1 year ago
I have mixed feelings about MGTOW. Right now, I am in a relationship with a woman I care a great deal about. If I didnt have a woman who I cared a great deal about, I could see myself “going my own way.” Perhaps that is just being a bachelor. I have zero intent on settling because I see that I would myself ultimately becoming terribly unhappy in such a relationship.

They are free to do what they want and they are at least bright enough to see that Western women have become pretty terrible for the most part.

The sad thing is that these guys, who can see through the bullshit of the new Western woman and what she has become, should be the ones raising children. They have lots of knowledge to pass on to the future generations of young men. There are a few good women left out there, perhaps not as many as there used to be but that is no reason to cut yourself off from women entirely. Sift through the bullshit and find the ones worth being with. I guess trying and failing is better than never trying at all… perhaps a bit cliche.

..

I would say that 99.999% of women are not poisonous (though I realize a lot of western women are). I think reclamation of patriarchy is the strategy men should adopt. I am not saying man up and marry those sluts. I am saying reclaim our masculinity, improve ourselves, game these broads and only marry the ones you have courted and decided are worthy of us.  ”

” Albion Myway 11 months ago (edited)
Regarding to your story with that girl (and I could tell a similar one, as it happens, having been a romantic fool prone to fixation and clueless idiocy.) I think you would be somewhat justified in putting some blame on her, since she must indeed have known your feelings, on some level. Indeed it would be nice to go back in time and give one’s younger self a good talking to- a dose of reality. Including such unsentimental terms as ‘friend zone’ ‘beta orbiter’ and ‘oneitis’. There is some use to this ‘red pill’ stuff. Not necessarily to go one’s own way, though that is useful as an option – to know women aren’t the be all and end all, and that one can survive without one, and doesn’t need one for validation. The real torment is the thought that having known then what one knows now, one could have upped one’s ‘game’ and potentially achieved one’s original objectives. There again one also recoils from the amoral, cynical, manipulative and mechanical view of human nature promoted by many of these theories. One doesn’t wish to inhabit such a soulless and disenchanted world. ‘Game’/’PUA’ stuff is as depressing as MGTOW in the sense that it promotes such a bleak and hollow outlook.

As a humanist and a nationalist one is obliged to reject the extreme forms of MGTOW anyway for obvious reasons. ”

Pinnacles49 9 months ago (edited)
accidentally deleted this….You were a milk sop. Same as me. Check the tendency, because it will continue through the years. It’s , in general, toxic to your well being. And you have to realize that even if you did by chance or effort “win” get her, you would have inevitably come back to reality; and the infatuation would have dissolved, romance faded. Then you might have found someone else and developed a distaste for the previous woman you had put on a pedestal.

No, I don’t practice what I preach; it takes constant vigilance. I am giving advice to myself, I guess.

This problem of course has continued throughout the centuries (i.e., troubadour poetry, etc.); but in ours, my theory is that this milk sop obsessive lovelorn type has increased because of FEMINISM. I’m not a mgtow- didn’t even know what it was until a few months ago.

Or, it could be Feminism combined with an excessive compassion for fellow human beings, projected onto one individual; in an absurd way this is a divine impulse erroneously hyper-focused.

Another thing to consider is that 4% of the general population could be diagnosed as narcissistic manipulative sociopaths, to some degree at least. These persons prey easily on
good-willed and kind men, “nice guys”. I’m not saying this is true in your case; however I have experienced this and heard of other victims.

Whatever, just my ideas .
Show less ”

just copy and pasting some ok comments there.

what i would say to MW is, SO WHAT if you were awkward around gurls and didnt know how to deal with them cuz you were inexperienced and was Not Quite Assertive in the Right Way and came off as Obsessive Maybe Or Maybe Not.  Was she not an Adult Too who was responsible for 50% of the relationship? could she have not talked to you about these things?

where MW’s big error was, was pretending like his feelings would “just go away” and then keeping up with the friendship with the woman, talking to her all the damn time. I guess she really beleived him that his feelings were gone, and he should have been more honest, but oh well, I aint dissing MW, I love him hahahaha. I luv this guy!

and I appreciate You sharing this painful story with us. Yes I can totally believe it. I am sorry that you gave up SEVEN YEARS, the best years of your Youth, on a woman who didnt have feelings for you.

Yeah some of it was on you, like living in the delusion for 7 years and still talking to her……..but a lot of it was on her too. she should have been more of a damn adult and been like “you seem like youre still in luv with me. maybe we should take a break for a few months. this doesnt seem like its good for you.”

so yeah dont blame yourself so much MW. she was an adult, she had responsibility for the relationship too.

or is that one of the differences between men and women? that in men-women rels, the man has to have 100% responsibility all the time, so anything that happens is always all his fault?

so he had kinda a breakdown when she fell totes in luv with a man  and then she and MW stopped talking? i would like to know more about exactly what happened at that point of ending. who said and did what. did she or he say finally ok we have to stop talking now? or did they just drift apart?

did they ever see each other physically, or just talk on phone or computer?

anyway this is really a much different situation than i had. sounds like they DID have a talk early on where she said no i dont share your feelings, LJBF, and he didnt react to that too well, namely, pining after her for 7 more years, talking to her, and lying to her that his feelings were dying away. and so its not HER fault if she takes that at face value, its HIS fault for lying. well i can understand why he lied, people go nutters when they are IN LUV, they will say and do ANYTHING.

and yeah when YOU are the one having the feelings, the onus is ON YOU to SAY SOMETHING and say we need to talk, because how are they supposed to know if you dont TELL THEM?

note: i will always luv WOESY and im not BLAMING him, he didnt DESERVE 7 years of pain, but I think we despairers have a terrible skill at inflicting pain on ourselves!

i am like the commenter that wanted to give him a big hug for his sad pathetic story! MW is prob my favorite person, i just like listening to him and i feel a connection with him and i should probably do a skype chat with him.

but yeah i have personal issues with women and so that is why i am always talking about women.

also i wonder how long it took him to get over it AFTER that 7 years. certainly it must have taken another year at least for him to stop thinking about her all the time!

i wonder if he dated or fooked any other women in that time. if so it certainly didnt seem to help!!!!!! he might as well just have stayed celibate for 7 years!

very important woes vidya for me. cuz of my own personal issues with women.

well is it all women or just some women?

well…hard to say. i think all women are Too Promiscuous, so i am happy to meet Some WOmen who arent promiscuous. but then they turn out to be HORRIBLE in other ways. i mean this same person was BOTH the BEST and THE WORST woman i had dealt with in a LONG time. and she was NOT a slut. but it ended MUCH WORSE than it did with some sluts. i mean if sluts are gonna be nicer to me, why not prefer sluts to nonsluts?

so i would say i wasted about 7 months hiding my true feels, better than 7 years i guess hahahahaha.

but i understand completely, and its already taken me TOO LONG to get over this bullshit and i keep telling myself nawalt nawalt nawalt hahahaha. which is funny. its not like she was a slut who dumped me for more exciting me, well i guess technically she will be attracted to more exciting men and never me hahahaha. but the MAIN ISSUE with her is her being a terrible communicator who horribly avoids attempts to communicate.

also i was not as forthcoming about communicating as i should have been.

BUT it was not unreasonable that i wanted to talk in person!

and it WAS unreasonable that she refused to meet in person EVER!

but it WAS unreasonable for me, confronted with THAT, to continue to push for in person, rather than blurt it out.

anyway yeah i guess not all women are like that but i have learned yet another valuable lesson hahahaha.  ok time for a 5 miler hahahaha.

ok did a 5 miler.

funny a woman hurt me more by being a bad communicator, than by being a damn whore.

well i was nto a great communicator either.

also the onus was ON ME, because I was the one who had something to say, I was the one who changed, not her. so the responsibility was on me to talk.

well i wanted to, i sorta tried to, i didnt try hard enough? well i kinda tried too hard in the wrong way. i was pushing too hard for a physical hang out when i should have just blurted it out on email or text or phone.

I LEARNED MY LESSON OK???!?!?!?!?!!!!!???!?!?!?!

white women talk about how its good not to race mix, and Sleeping Around is Detrimental, and then in the comments (or on their other interview with red ice / radio 314 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFeNOFhTAPY ) some black guy says taht white women prefer black guys to white guys because white guys are unmanly pussies; and there is a rumor that the one woman had a black boifran; but havent they all really hahahahaha.

anyway i learned my lesson, i just wish she were nicer to me when she dumped me or at least responded to my damn emails. yeah she was probably NAIVE as was the woman for MW but how hard is it to respond to an email.

but i was OVERBEARING so i didnt DESERVE a response.

damn this shit is so stupid.

well what if i HAD hung out with her then been a huge pussy and not SAID anything?

well lets not go down THAT road.

yeah i could have been better about communicating but so could she.

she could have hung out with me once in 10 months.

well i was stupid for not taking that as a HINT!!!!

well thats what happens when you you fall in luv, you DONT GET SUBTLETY, YOU DONT GET HINTS, you pretty much HAVE to have a talk.

i am just butthurt that i am not man enough to pull a decent white woman, and the best i will ever do is white trash at best hahahaha. with mud babies. but im not man enough to get a better woman!

yeah crazy shit in paris amirite.

ok so i screwed up. i admit that. i did nto communicate well. i let shit get out of control. and it was MY responsibility to communicate because i was the one with the feelings. ok i can accept that. also its not like anything would have changed the outcome. ie, if she liked me too, uhhhh she would have hung otu with me, also

http://www.breitbart.com/london/2015/11/11/watch-anti-migrant-video-going-viral-across-europe/

so /pol makes vidyas now? good for them. this looks like good “propaganda” to help save our european brethren

anyway  think we might have turned the peak of peak leftism and people arent as Wilfully Blind as they were 10 years ago even, people are waking up to the fact that wow shit is fooked UP. whether its feminists, or race baiting idiots, or anti free speech pussy college students, or people scared about being called islamophobes while their children are getting raped and blown up etc.

that is, normal average everyday people and even Former Progressive Professionals are waking up and saying hmm maybe i was wrong, maybe all these muslims and feminists and dindus and leftists are not good things after all.

everything that our leftist leaders say is good…..is not good at all.

so in other words, its reached such a boiling point that the Mainstream is deciding to React and Resist!

and then will vote for donald trump who might build a wall against Illegal Aliens, but will prob find other ways to sell USA out to the globalist bankster elite hahahahaha

so there were terror attacks in MADRID in 2014? over 100 killed? where was I? ok that was 2004, 191 dead, march 2004. i was…..i had dropped out of college in my final year like a real big winner. i was in luv with a gurl like a moron. i was still a virgin. i was 10 times more responsible than i was now. i had a nice head of hair. i was kind of a bad boy or enfant terrible in the sense that i drank a lot, smoked a lot of w33d, and had a reputation as an asshole, but also a slightly charming asshole to my friends, and i had more friends than i had had in a while, so that was cool, met some nice people, had a decent social life, pretty fun, BUT i was also an irresponsible idiot re my future, i was being a DEGENERATE, my life was focused on drinkin & smokin & writing embarrassing bukowski ish poetry about luv and being a loser hahahaha. some of the poems were pretty good but i cant believe how stupid i was. also i was not getting any action from women, this women i was FIXATED on, shit i never even dated her, also i was not nearly as good of friends with her as i was with THAT PERSON. she was in my social circle but we never hung out one on one, she never Confided in me, we were never close, she never told me i was a good friend, because i WASNT, i wasnt that close to her. but i did fall hard in luv with her right away!

i dunno. it was cool to have friends but i wasnt really doing anything different, i was just in an environment where there were more people around i could talk to when i was stumbling around drunk hahahaha

so yeah those were some great people but i was not doing myself any favors. also i was certainly not watching the news at that time.

anyway that was 11 years ago hahahaha.

ok so i def related to what MW was saying: i was TOTALLY FIXATED / OBSESSED with HER, she was THE MOST POSITIVE person / aspect of my life, she kept me going, just the thought of her was the most positive encouraging thing ever.

it was insane how i could go from doing Pretty Good in like July 2014 to being a Total Fooking Mess in July 2015. holy shit.

well shit yeah i was overwhelming to her. but but but but. so she never responded to me because she was scared of how i would react to her response. she knew i would just write her another huge email. and she didnt want to deal with that.

well i think that when you want to end a rel, then yes you do have to deal with that. thats the price you pay for choosing to end the rel. you have to talk to the person.

but she knew i would go crazy if she did. therefore she didnt have to.

i dunno i probably would have gone crazy.

well i think when you have feelings for someone, you DO go a bit crazy for them. you get very emotional and you do put them on a pedestal, you do become kind of obsessed with them.

ORRRRRRRR is that what happens when your feelings have been “MARINADING” for TOO long?

now theres a good idea.

so in other words, confess your god damn feelings BEFORE they have time to MARINADE and turn you into an OBSESSED MANIAC.

but say the gurl rejects you and then you still have to see her.

i dunno this was just such a weird situation cuz i had been actual friends with her, and it took so long for the feelings to happen. but then after that it only took a few months before it because a horrible god damn obsession.

MW was having what he seemed to describe as phone talks with his female friend almost every day or every other day.  that was really much more communication than i was haivng with my female friend. i was jsut doing some small talk via text with her. nothing substantial.

1115

so yeah it was partially my fault because i should have said something earlier but my god when you are in luv you are SEVERELY, DESPERATELY, DEVASTATINGLY emotionally compromised and mentally compromised. you cant think straight to save your life. you will walk right into a goddamn speeding bus.

i dunno i wish she just showed a bit more RESPONSIBILITY in this RELATIONSHIP. IT TAKES TWO. i screwed up sure but i still…..well she did what she did because she was scared and overwhelmed. so there’s the emotional compromised for her. i was EC because i was in LUV, she was EC because she was OVERWHELMED.

results: i was devastated totally; and she was annoyed and angered and hated me.

i mean i may get friendly with a woman again, but i cant see myself getting those feelings, or really having a connection, or wanting to be with a woman long term ever again. cuz as i become an older loser, i cant see myself getting close to a woman of that high quality again. just stumpy potato shaped single moms with tramp stamps because they are MY AGE, ie, they were young 9000000 years ago when it was cool for women to get tramp stamps. now it just says to the world, i am a 35 year old slut single mom hahhahahahaha.

trying to stay positive. ITS HARD!

men dont NEED women, but they DO need friends.

well i would say that men DO need women on some level. and they DO need friends too.

men and women were designed by nature to be together. maybe even GOD. but you can still be a damn ungrateful atheist fedora dawkins fag and believe that men and women go together naturally. different, but complementary. a man who mgtows or voluntarily goes without women seems to be missing out on an important part of life.

also i dont expect to ever find a woman who is red pill savvy, and i am more than willing to Train and Educate the woman. HOWEVER, that means you got to get to them YOUNG, before they have taken 90000000 cox! you cant teach an old dog (cat?) new tricks! and she was young enough to be taught. she was teachable. coachable. wawawawawawawawawawawaw. ok gotta go to church and beg to GOD for mercy.

women will have secs with guys they dont even know.

they will have OOPS babies with guys they dont even know.

have oops abortions after having unprotected secs with guys they dont even know.

they have NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE and the fact that they have the power to CREATE LIFE.

IT DOESNT MATTER TO THEM.

nawalt nawalt nawalt! some not all!

its just funny. i think whenever any woman has secs, she does it TOO SOON. whenever i had secs or came close to having secs with a woman, i felt it was TOO SOON. and i was THE MAN. and the WOMAN always wanted to have secs SOONER than i did! yet they are the ones CREATING LIFE! they should be more careful and cautious than me!

why do women have secs with men SO FAST? dont they care about the lives they are creating, or coming dangerously close to creating? do they have that little foresight? do they have that little moral qualms about Abortion? are they THAT stupid and immoral?!

yes yes yes!

well i would say, just to build confidence up from being an omega male, go and have secs with any woman who says yes. then kindly inform them afterwards that you have lost a lot respect for them because they have secs with men they dont even know. then tell them you have herpes and aids and you jsut got them preggers and also youre a clingy needy omega male. with no job and you live at home and youre a balding neckbeard. just to show them what happens when you have secs with men you dont even know.

do you look like a POTATO. if so, thats not good. not a good shape to have for your physique. time to Hit The Gym Fatty.  because do you want a woman that looks like a potato? fook no. i am stealing this from “the cleveland show” where donna insults clevelands mom by saying she looks like a potato. there are a lot of people in thsi world who look like a Potato, are Shaped like a potatoe, and its not a good look.

i have gotten more comfortable going to the Gym and sweating buckets on the treadmill like a fat slob, spending 2 hours on the treadmill, going 7 miles, and losing no weight.

http://mentalfloss.com/article/61552/what-vocal-fry

“vocal fry” is a thing leftist journalists write articles about as a way of Old White Men to be Oppressive and Punch Down on the way Women talk, as a way of oppressing women and The Patriarchy Inventing New Ways to Hate Women ahahahaha.

im SORRY i communicated poorly. i accused you of commnicating poorly but i communicated poorly to. the responsibility was on me to say something and i didnt, i just got crazier and crazier and annoyed you more when i should have just come out and said it. i just wish you had treated me better at the end. was it really such a god damn evil thing that i did? was the idea of me having feelings for you that damn disgusting and offensive? couldnt you just say sorry? did our friendship mean anything to you? i know we were on the outs but i really didnt want it to end like such a TRAINWRECK. i communicated like a coward but i didnt want everything to end like that. did i really bring ALL that on myself? part of it yes but not all. i am not entitled to anything from you but i wish you had treated me better.

IM SORRY OK???? i wasnt thinking straight. i had feelings. now this isnt an excuse when someone does something bad like abuse or beat their wife, “i did it bc i luv u!!!!” but i didnt beat or abuse you, at worst i was annoying in not saying something, i dont think thats quite the same level of abuse. i dont think you HAD to react so negatively to this. i wish you had just said AW, IM SORRY, i dont feel the same way, sorry, instead of treating me like a total piece of shit. so i was cowardly. i admit it. i wont be so cowardly in the future. did you HAVE to be so mean?

im sorry i was so cowardly and annoying when you were having tough times with your family. but did this mean you had to stop communicating with me altogether? if you wanted to end the rel, and its clear you did, i really wish you had just told me. ending a relationship without TELLING the other person can really hurt their feelings. damn.

ok enough of my letter hahaha. yeah its HARD to get feelings for women. and once you get feels for one, its HARD to get rid of them, and HARD to transition to a new woman. i mean i LIKE having feels for women…..except when they are unreturned and or leading to grief, which is always.

had a weird dream i was with a male high school friend i havent seen in over 10 years, good guy but i felt i was always wearing a mask or playing a role with him, but he was a good guy and probably became a successful engineer. in the dream i was going along with him to hs friends house where we we going to “smoke some K” and i had no idea what “K” was. it was either “special K” or “ketamine” which was more well known about 10 years ago, or it was PCP, which i think is like ketamine anyway. and i was like jeeez why cant people just smoke weed or drink? i dont want to smoke weed with “K” on it!!!!!! but the implication was, there will be some slutty girls there, and if you smoke PCP, then they will give up that slutty pvssy to you, if you don’t, youre a wimp. I sighed and took one puff of the PCP/K/ whatever. I felt it turned me into a complete idiot, completely incoherent, although I was not nervous or anxious, so that was good. the people were total white trash and I knew both me and my friend could do a lot better than this, we didnt NEED to hang out with white trash just to Get Laid, it wasnt worth it, or to do shitty drugs. why were we even here.  also i did not get any action from the white trash gurls hahahaha.

anyway. im not blameless. i have a lot of issues to work on myself. shit is just painful though, going day by day waiting for your feelings for someone to die. i wonder how long it took MW after the initial 7 years. it sounded like she ended the rel with MW after she fell in luv with this guy, and MW went nuts. hey im not judging. i recently went nuts myself. i am gonna try to double muh dose of SSRIs hahahaha. i quit muh job because i couldnt handle my emotions about a Broken Heart. Granted That Person worked with me 10 feet away, i couldnt escape her, and it was a VERY BAD TRAINWRECK of a dumping, as bad as it gets. maybe she wanted me to quit. she certainly didnt try to get me to come back! i could be fookin DEAD for all she knows! and she doesnt CARE! you dont have to like me, it would be nice if you CARED if your Good Friend was alive or dead! jeeeeez! i will NEVER do this to a person, also i will NEVER let things get to this point again.

anyway i would luv mw to do a follow up to that vid.

woesy
man of the year

dont blame yourself so much woesy! sure you were living in a fantasy world but is that so wrong? you wanted luv! certainly she had actually BEEN IN relationships and should HOPEFULLY be a little more emotionally intelligent as to the feels you are signalling to her! even if she is “NAIVE” to the “obsessive nature of men” etc. its not EITHER OR, ALL OR NOTHING, either she is an evil bitch 100% to blame, or you are a lying coward 100% to blame! WHY NOT BOTH? you could have acted smarter………BUT SO COULDVE SHE!!!!!!!!!!!!! its great that you recognize your role…..but dont FULLY absolve her of HERS!!!!!!

there are bigger fish to fry than mgtow woman hating shit. but i am obsessed about that shit too because of my own personal issues with women: heartbreak and disappointment. HUGE. also i DO like to slut shame because i think being a slut IS shameful! how about KNOWING the guy who is showering your eggs with sperm?

to paraphrase the QT Reactionary Gurl “The Truth Will Live” who i am sorta woman hating towards because she has too much attention from us lonely reactionary men, and she’s a j00, but she expressed the simple point that its terrible that sex has been made more abotu recreation than procreation. hardly the first person to say that, but thats exactly whats happening, and i’m making the same point when i say: WOMEN, DONT FORGET YOU CAN GET PREGNANT. AND GETTING PREGNANT IS A HUGE DEAL.

cuz when women have casual sex, it sends the message that they DONT care they can get pregnant!

also i get a lot more woman hating seeming when i dont have any female friends. having a female friend really PROVES to MYSELF that i am not a huge woman hater, that i can relate to women as human beings. this is hard to do when i have NO female friends anymore. which is why i need to have at least TWO female friends at all times, in case one GOES DOWN IN FLAMES.

it has been….4 months (120 days?) since The End, and about 3 months (90 days) since i Initiated Contact (with the final email, and received no response) and i feel……well still a ball of emotionz but slowly getting over it. the no contact helps you get over it. if i were to contact her now, i wouldnt go back to square one, but i would definitely lose a few WEEKS or so. just not worth it. and what am i gonna do? Apologize again? every time i contacted her i was apologizing and groveling like a bitch. apologizing just did nothing. well because i proved i wasnt really sorrry because i kept bugging her. because i really wanted to talk. yeah i get it, i should have blurted it out, i was wrong in not blurting it out. but i wish she could have agreed to hang out with me once in ten months, or respond to my damn first email, or just been kinder and gentler to me at the end. kind and gentle rejections are hard enough for me; mean and nasty trainwreck rejections are ABSOLUTELY DEVASTATING.

 

FEELINGS ARENT WEIRD; UNFORTUNATE BUT NOT WEIRD

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yeah. i dont think i was misrepresentin. cuz even though i admitted that my female friend was good looking, at the beginning, i DIDNT REALLY WANT TO BANG HER. that only came MUCH later. with the feelings. it has to do with the fact that i was getting over somebody else.

and what happens when you are still in process of getting over somebody?

you dont want to BANG ANYBODY ELSE. at least not for me.

whenever i see an attractive woman now, I think, YEAH, she’s attractive, bangable, but i’d still much rather be banging THAT PERSON. she’s not as attractive to me as THAT PERSON. so i guess i’d bang her, but i dont really care, i’m not gonna try, and even as i was banging her, i’d be wishing i were banging THAT PERSON instead.

so you rack your brain trying to think of OTHER PEOPLE to Beat The Meat to, and you CANT. you can think of other attractive women in the SPank Bank sure, but…..you still want THAT PERSON more.

that’s the position i was in when i first met and became friends with That Person. at that time, there was ANOTHER That Person hahahaha. the previous incarnation.

it would be like if i became friends with a pretty young woman right now hahahahaha. but i am certainly not.

so yeah i immediately recognized her as good looking but i didnt really feel it or didnt really care until about 2 years later hahahaha.  then i tried to make my cares KNOWN and DISCUSS them so as not to MISREPRESENT.

shit yeah it was a confusing and weird situation. i had never had this happen to me. i thought it couldnt happen. ie, me get feelings for a female friend. well now i know. it can happen. especially if the female friend is 25 or under, not ugly, and no kids.

but yeah its HARD. usually i dont respect women cuz they have S with guys TOO SOON. wait at least 2 months for gods sakes.

pot kettle maybe because every S partner I’ve have, i havent known them long. i was resentful and uncomfortable having S so soon, but i figured i would regret NOT having S with a cute young woman while they were willing. and that i was absolutely correct about. so i don’t regret having S with them, but i dont respect them for essentially pressuring me to have S so early. but “so early” ie less than 1 month is NORMAL. i am sure That Person will be doing the same, when she meets a guy who is Hot, she will Let Him In before one month.

Dunno i just think people show KNOW and RESPECT each other, and women should not offer SEX until men offer their COMMITMENT.

and also when a man has S with a woman, she should offer her commitment and loyalty.

its not an issue of OWNERSHIP, its an issue of RESPECT and LOYALTY and CHOOSING to be LOYAL to someone you CARE about more than OTHERS.

google whitest city in brazil, whitest city in chile hahahahaha

argentina and uruguay are said by pro white internet forums to be the whitest countries in south america

just want someplace warm and white hahahahaha.

maybe i would race mix with somebody as high as 25% nonwhite hahahaha.

as long as they were 25 or under and good looking.

i blame myself for all my failures but do not congratulate myself for my successes! of which there are not many, but the most recent one would be becoming good at my insanely hard job.

but i do blame other people for my failures sometimes too, and fail to take responsibility, such that i have an External Locus of Control, just a victim of the cruel world.

so i think she made a mistake of judgment. but do you think i can be the one to convince her? i can never convince her. plus it would look REALLY creepy if i were to contact her now. plus ive been doing so GOOD. well, not in terms of life, ive been doing horrible. but ive been doing good in terms of not contacting her.

googling why does it take so long for peoplesoft to update. peoplesoft is a very popular human resources type program, its more than just a program, its like an ERP, and i dont really understand what that is, but i can tell you that peoplesoft is very important and a lot of companies use it, including my old company.

new employees need to be “entered in” peoplesoft, their peoplesoft profiles “verified” and “check their peoplesoft and make sure it all looks good”, unfort, hiring managers did not know what that meant, and neither did we. “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh check all their job codes and make sure they have all the job codes they need?”

how do i know which job codes they need?

“uhhhhhhhhhhh youre the manager youre supposed to know? talk to YOUR manager if you dont?”

I ALREADY DID, HE SAID CALL YOU!!!!!!

“uhhhhhhhhhh he was wrong. call HIS manager.”

and noone wants to talk to THEIR manager, let alone their MANAGERS MANAGER!

YOUR MANAGER DOESNT WANT TO HELP YOU! IF YOU ASK HIM QUESTIONS YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE LIVING HELL! THATS WHY THEY NEVER WANTED TO ASK THEIR MANAGERS!!!!!!!!

ok i am gonna try to go to planet fatness and walk on the treadmill. i am worried about the following:

  1. will it be super busy (sunday night) and i have to fight for a treadmill?
  2. will front desk give me a hard time because i dont have a CHECKING account, and i used the member portal to set up my billing with a SAVINGS account?
  3. does the portal link up with the system they see in the store?
  4. would they even know?
  5. planet fatness is run by ASSHOLES so we can assume the franchise owners are assholes, their managers are assholes, and the kids at the bottom will either not know anything, because the assholes dont want to spend the money to train them; or try to bullshit you with bullshit, as they gradually transform into asshoesl themselves;
  6. how do the lockers work? can i put my wallet and keys in a locker?
  7. do they even have showers?
  8. do they have drinking fountains or do i have to bring in my water bottle? i saw a guy before returning to his car, and he took a water bottle out of his trunk, drank from it, put it back in his trunk (boot for UK readers). he did not bring the water inside.
  9. theyve gotta have water fountains right?
  10. will they give me shit if i am on the treadmill for more than 30 minutes? ideally i want to be on it for 2 hours!!

look at that laundry list of worries!

at that consumer complaint website i have heard HORRIBLE things abotu planet fitness, like people getting charged THOUSANDS of dollars because the front desk kid forgot to “submit” their cancellation paperwork; getting tons of hidden charges when trying to cancel.

119

went to the fatness for 2 hours, it was actually ok.  will get back to that.

slept ok prob because of the physical exercise, good! but had a bit of trouble getting to sleep, thinking about THAT PERSON again of course.

what ate at me last night was this:  she technically threw the first stone by UNFRIENDING ME. sending the clear message she didnt want to be friends anymore. we went to that event, i met her and things were SO awkward, THEN she unfriended me and stopped talking to me at work even though we sat 2 rows apart. wtf???? smh hahahaha.

unfriended me without any verbal explanation i should add. just boom unfriended.

she unfriended me BEFORE i left the job; BEFORE i wrote her the email saying “YES I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU”. she didnt even WAIT for me to unambiguously CONFIRM my feelings before unfriending me, in other words.

this possibly gives insight into her confused mind hahahaha. meaning, she thought, he’s acting SO WEIRD, he’s acting like he LIKES me, like he wants me to be his gurlfran, i can’t take it, its SO WEIRD, i wish he’d JUST STOP and get over this phase already, but he’s not getting any better, i cant take any more, i cant be friends with him if he keeps doing this, and he keeps doing it, so, time to unfriend.

when just 2 weeks prior i wrote her an email begging her to communicate more so we could work on our friendship, i didnt want this to be the end without working on it. i wish she had responded to THAT rather than just unfriending me!!!

so the insight was: i had pushed her to her limit by being SO WEIRD. I tried to get inside her mind:

he’s acting SO WEIRD, like he’s in luv with me or something. that sucks, i wish he wasnt!

maybe its a phase, maybe he’ll get over it automatically in a little while.

oh no he hasnt, this has been going on for months, he just gets worse and worse, he always wants to hang out, i dont WANT to hang out with him if he’s acting so weird and LIKES me! thats not FAIR that he LIKES me! he didnt seem to like me before!! what changed?

well rather than talk to him about it, or respond to that email he sent, i’m just gonna keep avoiding him entirely, unfriend him, and he’s the bad guy for getting these feelings whenever he did. it started getting real bad early 2015. why talk about it ? theres nothing to say. i would say, i dont want you to have feelings for me, please STOP. STOP.  and he’s not stopping. so unfriending is the only way out.

so then I (ME) felt a rush of Self Blame again, like its all my fault.

but it also reaffirmed me that i should NOT contact her, i mean the balls in her court if she wants (and she doesnt!!!) and she rejected ME. she saw my luv and said STOP and she unfriended ME. i already apoligized and begged 1000000 times leading up to that; you think MORE begging and apoligizing is gonna help?

is gonna make her change her MIND? her mind was made up long ago. she didnt want my feeelings, she found them WEIRD, because she didnt have any feelings towards me at all.

however when she had Just Friends feelings towards me, that was kinda intoxicating, cuz she was so nice and tender to me, and I missed getting that from a woman. even if they werent real loving feelings. there was still a tenderness to the friendship feels that you cant get from a man. well maybe you can. like my male work buddy who i felt a good emo connection with. i should hang out with HIM, but he is buys working overtime at that horrible place!!!! plus i would ask him how is SHE doing, cuz he SEES her every day. and i would be unhappy with the answer no matter what: oh she’s a really cool person, we hang out with her now because she’s so cool, you should get over your feelings and just appreciate her as a cool person to be friends with; ORRRRRR i dunno shes kinda shady, she seems to be dating 10 guys at work hhahahahaha and is really cliquey and twofaced and plays people off each other. bad vibes.

SEE? either one would be bad.

also it would be easier to hang out with HIM once i get a new job…..which is taking a LONG time already. fooooook.

ANYWAY i wish she had the EMPATHY to say, yeah i dont like him liking me, it makes him act weird, i wish he would stop……………….but this is just how people act when they like you, its not his fault, thats probably why he wants to hang out every 2 weeks, he probably wants to talk about this, see that email he sent about wanting to communicate. maybe i should just give him the chance to say what he wants to say, if he has feelings, he is prob in a vulnerable state and WONT TAKE WELL TO BEING ANGRILY THROWN AWAY LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT, that would probably DEVASTATE him! so the decent thing to do would be to say IM SORRY, WE HAD a good friendship, but you seem to LIKE me, and I cant do that, so lets peacefully detach. consciously and peacefully uncouple hahahaha.

but noooooo she was like UGH how DARE he get FEELINGS, I bet he was trying to TRICK me from the very beginning 2 years ago, why wont he STOP, he’s the bad guy, he’s a piece of shit, so i’m gonna throw him away like a piece of shit right now! the end.

not a good way for her to handle it! i wish she had handled it like above.

anyway i was just reflecting/OBSESSING/RUMINATING on the timeframe of when exactly she unfriended me. it was after the Awkward Event, but BEFORE I officially TOLD her of my feelings in the email, BEFORE i left the job.

i also thought of why men like asian women, because they are nice, polite, not a huge annoying obnoxious bitch. but im sure the asian women go NUTS once you marry them. either way i am not really into asians and i much prefer women of my own race, but i was thinking how That Person had some of the Positive Qualities men usually look for in Asian Women because supposedly White Women do not have them any more: being nice and polite and pleasant and not obnoxious and chill and not arguing all the time, well behaved basically hahahaha. pleasant to be around and spend time with. showing you warmth and love and appreciation rather than busting your balls all the time and being disloyal as fookin mercenaries.

these are not inherently asian woman things! white women used to be like this! and THAT PERSON was once like that to me! she was a good friend and i liked her style of friendship, with that warmth and shit, it only made SENSE that i wanted to keep THAT going as part of a more intimate rel. i needed those eggs. she gave me a taste of what she was capable of, and i said YESSSSS thats good i really like that, i want more!

so its MY FAULT because I MADE HER FEEL WEIRD. damn.

well she ddnt have to feel WEIRD. how she feels is on her, unless i am specifically setting out to DO HARM to her and make her feel bad. i wasnt. i just got feelings. i showed her the feelings. she thought that was WEIRD. she could say, awww, he has feelings for me now. that sucks for him, but it’s NOT NECESSARILY WEIRD. welp i guess the right thing to do is tell him sorry i dont have feelings for you, i want to let you down easily.

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

however the Emotionally Immature person finds it easy to assign BLAME when they are feeling weird. well i feel weird because they are BEING WEIRD.

I wasnt BEING WEIRD, I was just having feelings. FEELINGS ARENT WEIRD. they are natural. people have been getting feelings for each other for thousands of years.

its UNFORTUNATE when someone gets one sided feelings. UNFORTUNATE, but NOT WEIRD. she thought it was WEIRD. had she been more Emotionally INtelligent, she would have said…..thats not necess WEIRD, its UNFORTUNATE, because he’s gonna be disappointed, and I have to have a hard talk with him and try to let him down easy.

well she had a lot on her plate and was overwhelmed.

but never forget: SHE UNFRIENDED ME FIRST. SHE WOULD RATHER UNFRIEND ME THAN HAVE A TALK.

I often forget this fact. When this was about the clearest signal she sent me. this was the clearest communication she gave me.

so this is all the more reason NOT to contact her!

Also the idea that she FELT pushed, more than i was ACTUALLY pushing her.

Like I made sure to decelerate and only ask her to hang out once a week, but she still felt that i WANTED something FROM her, and that made her feel psuhed and pressured. well, it WAS true that i WANTED something from her, but i didnt want to or try to PRESSURE her. I just wanted to talk like damn adults about this new want on my end. i knew full well she might not be able to acomodate that want! ie me having feeligns.

i didnt want to be tricky or deceptive or dsingenuous. and i dont think i was.

i didnt WANT to be WEIRD, but i think i WAS kinda weird. not because the FEELINGS were weird, but when you have feelings and never talk about the elephant in the room……..when you dont talk about elephants in rooms, things get weird!!!!!!!

so whose responsibility is it to say WE NEED TO TALK?

probably mine, because i have the feelings. i’m the one feeling uncomfortable by the elephant.

but SHE was clearly uncomfortable by the elephant too!

but i wanted to maintain the rel, she did not, at that point there was no benefit to HER to talk about the elephant, she didnt care, she jsut wanted to be done.

and that hurts. i wish she had had more consideration to me, that that was gonna hurt me and she would thus handle it in a nicer way. is that too much to ask? was i SO WEIRD i canceled THAT out? i mean i wasnt ENTITLED to anything, but thats just what Nice People Do when they have to Reject a person in that way.

i mean how do girls learn that lesson. probably from their mothers. HOPEFULLY with the input of their fathers. well she doesnt have a father to say “be nice to the poor guy.” and her mother probably said “your feelings are the most important thing. if he is making you feel weird then FOOK THAT CREEP, dump him and never look back, you dont OWE HIM ANYTHING.”

but I met the mother, i sorta got along with her, and i was hoping she would then fight for me a little bit, inasmuch as to say, ya know, he’s not a bad guy, he just likes you, PLEASE think about his feelings and let him down easily, just TALK to him.

so i dont really know how her mother advised her here. it could have gone either way. i am sure the mother has flat out turned her back when dumping men. but mother has a big problem with dating badboiz, and probably dated a few abusers and or deadbeats who really didnt DESERVE nicer than a shitty mean cold dumping.

ITS HAPPENING! the top story on drudge report and probably many us outlets, cnn.com at least, is mizzou president resigns due to WHITE PRIVILEGE. this is a huge big well known university. and its right in my wheelhouse of universities being bastions of Cultural Marxism. well the top guy at the U lost his job because of Cultural Marxism. i dont even know what happened. something like a black football played was targeted by a prankster writing racist words in Faeces on the wall?

well i have no sympathy for univ presidents makeing 300k a year in a combination of public money and cvm guzzling students taking out 50k a year in loans and then have to pay off a an additional 200k in interest on top of their 200k principal; but yeah the opposition is talking about white privilege and internalized Systems Of Oppression in the very first paragraph of their statement.

and supposedly there are tensions between white and blacks at the univ?

RACE WAR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

send them more white gurls to bang, maybe then they will calm down hahahaha. export more white gurls to mizzou. they dont have enough white 18 yo pussy hahahahahahaha. i mean you have to be banging a new 18 yo white gurl every NIGHT in order to be peaceful and not start riots hahahahahahahaha oh i LOVE being a racist!!!!!!!!

http://www.breitbart.com/sports/2015/11/09/university-of-missouri-system-president-resigns-amid-criticism-of-handling-of-racial-issues/

a more rightish perspective

meanwhile here is the left perspective, by dave (((ZIRIN))) at the (((NATION))) hahahahahaha that means echoing as in the merchant minute

http://www.thenation.com/article/3-lessons-from-university-of-missouri-president-tim-wolfes-resignation/

hahaha really im just jelly of black football players banging tons of 18 yo white girls, i am just butthurt, just like the white pencildick who vandalized the black guys room or whatever. wawawawawawaw i just wish i could et a 18 yo white gurl to make out with me, meanwhile theyre throwing themselves at you, big black bull. probably because you are more manly and exciting and interesting and sexy!

nothing on fox news channel, but all over cnn tv channel. well yeah this is a Big Victory for the Left, and FNC is more Centrist than Left, pretends to be right, appeals to Weak COnservatives, Cuckservatives, and Neocons hahahaha. I am politically savvy hahahahaha.

http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/11/coliving/414531/#article-comments

Dorms for Grownups: A Solution for Lonely Millennials?

hehehehe this is for smart successful millennials who can get tech development jobz, now they can live in dorms and work 100 hours a week but at least be around other people in their age group, rather than friendless virgins. it only works for friendless virgins who are able to get Good and Cool jobs with these Tech Companies hahaha.

Socially Inept Virgins, but have Good Jobs.

i mean if having a good job / money isnt enough to get you friends and pvssy, neither will a dorm with your nerdy male virgin autist coworkers.

“but theyre not making that much money!”

broke down and looked at some pornography for the first time in like 4 weeks. watched a cute young innocent looking girl getting banged. she looked liek a normal cute youngish girl as opposed to a porno slut. like an average amateur cute gurl you see everywhere at skool, work, bar, gym hahahaha. but not church really. these cute gurls are out there. cute gurls are NOT so RARE.

and then of course i was liek damn i wishi could do that with THAT PERSON and her making little O noises and such. so it became very conflicted. so i have no desire to watch porno anytime soon. maybe go another few weeks.

a black graduate student going on a hunger strike and saying das racis can cause the highest “employee” of a university to lose his job. hehehe i should get a black graduate student to hunger strike for THAT PERSON to take me back hahahahahaha and also get me a stress free 15DAHJ hahahaha.

i finished my voice recordings of muh job interview file. it is 20 abotu 20 minute mp3s now. it is 400 minutes of ME TALKING. it is OVER 6 HOURS OF ME TALKING.

that should be good enough to get me a job right.

So I was weird! couldnt you see WHY i was being weird!!!??? You KNEW i liked you! couldnt you see how and why that was making me weird? why did you have to react so negatively to it??!?!?!! you didnt have to be MEAN! you could just say AW IM SORRY but i CANT! not get MAD at me for it! god damn!

now youre gonna go down to Mizzou and make sure those feetzball players are WELL taken care of eh hahahahahaha cuz us white boys are huge pussy faggots who dont know how to be a man.

i wish i had sent her 20 20 minute files, 400 minutes of me talking about my feelings for her and what i wanted from her (not for her to have feelings for me, that would be nice, but i cant ASK that of someone; but i CAN ask them to be nice to me and not heartless to me!!!!! )

she was heartless because i was weird and that made her contemptuous and annoyed and not like me anymore.

was i weird? yes a LITTLE but not that much.

why was i weird? because i had feelings for her and i wasnt able to hang out with her and talk about them.

why? because she didnt want to hang out because i was WEIRD and not fun anymore.

see at this point going down the rabbit hole of why just gives you a stupid vicious circle, chicken and egg.

she wouldnt hang out because i was weird, i was weird because she wouldn’t hang out.

really it was the elephant in the room which made me weird.

i should have blurted it out the second i felt myself getting weird.

i dont think her mind would have been changed though. if she wanted to Date me, she’d certainly want to talk about it, and would have agree to hang out with me any of the 10 times i asked her.

so i can be CONFIDENT (hahahaha) in the FACT that she NEVER had Feelings for me, and that i just scared her off. nope, she simply NEVER had feelings. she should have been nicer and more understanding though.

do women really understand how different it is for men and women to Get Sex or a Rel?

do women REALLY THINK its just as easy for men as it is for women?

that all men can get a woman as easily as a woman can get a man?

this is so stupid and wrong and all men know it!

but it honestly seems like women simply cannot put themselves in a mans shoes and SEE THE TRUTH!

its less about empathy and putting yourself in anothers shoes, but just opening your eyes and seeing the truth right in front of you! open your eyes and see all the lonely men, or the single men, or the men with the shittiest women!

just want women to appreciate how hard it is for a man to get a woman. and how easy it is for a woman to get a man, and to understand that THIS IS THE WAY NATURE MADE US, and to appreciate that by NOT GIVING IT AWAY FOR FREE. LIKE THEY WERE A MAN, with NO reproductive costs. just drop a load and disappear into the night. WOMEN JUST CANT DO THAT, yet they ACT like they CAN!!!!!! its stupid and wrong and …. OBSCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know obscenity when i see it! and thats it! blatantly shitting on the way nature made you, spitting in gods face if you will, going against the entire natural order. i hate female promiscuity more than Conservatives Hate Gays hahahahahahaha.

and in fact so should the conservatives, because its a much bigger problem!

muuuucccccchhhhhhh! affects their own wives and daughters!

5 percent of people are homosexual, but like 50% of women are Too Promiscuous!

Female Promiscuity is TEN TIMES A BIGGER MORAL PROBLEM than homosecsuality!

BABY WITH A GUN!!!!

Yeah #MillennialWoes have a skype conversation with me on that. or better yet just do one yourself hahahahaha.

no i luv woesy, i would like to visit scotland and then visit him one day.

i thought women are always cold all the time, then why do they always wear sleeveless things to show off their fatceps and “bingo wings” hahahahahaha hopefully with horrible lena dunhamesque tattoos on them hahahaha

i am jsut butthurt that no women like me and my main source of female luv is gone long gone. which is what she was! that is a big deal! i mean it helps men to have the TENDER MERCIES of a nonrelative woman!

heh. i just want a damn impartial judge to say that SHE was wrong, SHE was the bad person, SHE ruined it. i need ot be right. i FEEL wronged!!!!! i FEEL i was treated unfairly. but i know my feelings can be WRONG.

well at least me and her had something good for SOME period of time, however brief. we had an honestly beautiful friendship for about one year. because it took about one year to get to that point. i dont make friends QUICKLY. if they are still around after one year, thats a good sign. then i can start being REAL friends with them.

anyway my story of first time at planet fatness. if i can do it, you can do it.

i had my list of worries above.

i prepared for the worst, ie bring as little as possible into the club, prepare not to use a locker. locked wallet in the car, brought in only keys, id card, music player, and phone.

scanned id card at front desk. they said nothign about billing info. i stood about 10 feet away from the front desk and pretended to look at phone, really checking out the layout and where i should go next. obv wanted a treadmill. treadmill is the WHOLE REASON i signed up. i spied a good treadmill. not a lot of people there on sunday evening. went right to the treadmill and got it started. played around with the buttons. really tried to observe my surroundings without looking like i was looking at anybody.

an asian girl got on tread mill 2 to my left. this made me feel less like a monster and made me reflect on asian girls being nice and tender hahahahaha. in the row in front of me there was a 40 year old black woman and 2 men in their 20s.

one of the men i recognized, i saw him about 2 years ago at my previous job. he was an “older” college student who was very emotional and hysterical and had arguments with his mom on his phone even though he was 30. he was feebly trying to turn his life around but it wasnt working and certainly he was very depressed and low self esteem and almost certainly a 30 year old virgin. i empathized with him greatly. he is my target demographic. i should have approached him and sold my Despair Buddy and Anxiety Buddy and Relationship Buddy  Unlicensed Therapist Buddy Services!

but he was doing well, he had signed up for planet fatness before i did! but he is also fatter than me. but he is also much taller than me. i mean if he lost weight he could pull some 25 year old woman. not that he was super fat, just a little chubby, and he was a good height, maybe about 6 feet, i wish i was that tall!

i spied on peoples mph. he was at 3.2 so i said i have to do 3.3 at least hahahaha.

most girls who went on soon began jogging at 5 mph. oh great i said. there was a young man jogging at 6 mph for quite a long time. i was pressured and gymtimidated into jogging at 5 mph for a few minutes here and there.

most people when they were walking did no less than 3 mph. i would prefer to do 2.8, i am not a fast walker! on my normal walks i go about 2.8 but then you would look like a loser here.

there was a 45 year old woman not in greatest of shape going at a brisk 3.5 mph clip steadily!

i played with the machine settings and had to restart it a couple times, wiping out my time and calories burned and all that and distance.

i basically tried to keep it no lower than 3. it was weird trying to compete wiht the peopel around me. i was in the back row meaning they couldnt see me and my mph. i never saw a girl go faster than 5 mph. i saw one guy going 8 or 9 mph. jeez.

i tried to read the signs and look at the people and look at the machines and the layout, without looking like i was looking at anything. i tried to listen to millennial woes but i couldnt really focus on him, too novel of a setting. listened to some music, listened to the same MW over and over again. i saw more than a few attractive young women. i dont understand why they wear SKIN TIGHT stuff. if you dont want creepy old virgin loser men staring at your ass, dont wear SKIN TIGHT pants and be 20 years old hahahahahahahahaha. you can just wear NOT skin tight shorts or pants. I was! wearing NOT skin tight shorts and shirt.

i wore shorts and a long sleeve t shirt for some reason. the shorts were fine. i wore long sleeve t shirt cuz i get cold easily and not sure how warm it would be in there. it was warm enough for shorts and a short sleeved tshirt.

there was a little cup area in the treadmill where i could put my keys and phone and id card.

near the end of my visit i lost my id card and thankfully they put it in lost and found at the front desk. they asked me my name, i told them, they gave me card.

i dont want to lose that every single time!

i went to the mens room and there was  a locker room in there too, and about 3 shower stalls. the locks, you had to Bring Your Own locks.

see i can see myself losing that darn card! and i dont want to do that.

i was there for about 2 hours and 15 minutes. got maybe 6 miles of walking in, maybe more, since i was walking a lot faster than normal.

i just stayed on the treadmill. next time i might try elliptical so i dont look like a weirdo.

there were some “LUNKHEADS” using the weight machines. i really didnt care, i was not intimidated by them. i was just sad cuz its them who wins in the competition for those cute young 25 year old gurls. but at least me being there is a step towards me improving myself.

there was a huge fan right above the treadmill area so i always got a nice breeze.

pros: the treadmill was fun, it was an interesting experience

cons: i had to walk a little faster than i liked just not to look like the biggest failure there.

you are supposed to wipe the machines after each use. i watched people do this and attempted to mimic them. i went to the wipe station, got a thing of paper towel, then squirted it with solution or alcohol or whatever the stuff in the spray bottle was, then took the damp paper towel to the machine. i guess i could take the spray bottle to the machine as well. point is it wasnt hard.

this is how anxious and low confidence i get, I DOUBT MY ABILITY TO WIPE OFF THE DAMN MACHINE, OOO ITS SO COMPLICATED IM GONNA MESS IT UP, AND LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

so i conquered that fear by wiping the machine successfully.

i figured it would all be a learning experience and it was.

next time i will wear a t shirt; i will bring a water bottle; i might try to use a locker; i will try not to lose the id card.

i didnt bring a water bottle. i figured just use the water fountain. and that i did. they had a refrigerator with bottled water but i didnt know if you had to pay for it. i left my money in the car. i am thankful to have a car and money.

i saw at least 4 or 5 attractive 20s women. who probably give it up to guys in under 1 month of meeting them hahaha.

more comforting, i saw plenty of chubby 20s men.

and i saw my 30 year old virgin Despair Buddy. I really should have said something to him. good for him that he is trying to lose weight. not that he NEEDS to lose a lot of weight, he’s not UGLY, he should be able to pull a 25 year old qt right NOW, but hes too anxious and beta. plus of course he is balding hahahahaha. but i bet the tender mercies of a NICE 25 year old woman would totally TRANSFORM him. just like it would TRANSFORM me hahaha.

so yeah i can see going back there semi regularly and AUTISTICALLY using the treadmill with that other pathetic autist feelsy balding virgin hahahaha.

well way i see it, better to be a chubby balding virgin trying to lose weight on the treadmill at planet fatness, than a chubby balding virgin crying at home in parents basement neeting it up hahahaha.