THE NEET CURE

dec 26 2016

welp the wholesome part of the holidays is over, now everyone is just gonna get drunk and fook like negros until they have to go back to Work on January 2 hahahahahahah.  and those are the lucky privileged people. More people will just continue to work as they do every other day. maybe struggle with drug and alcohol problems so they can keep their shitty jobs which make them work during the busiest time of the holidays, serving shitty customers. its enough to make a person want to abuse drugs and alcohol!

i think california getting legal MJ is a big deal, i mean its kinda surprising they didnt have it until now. maybe they needed smaller states like CO, WA, and OR to act as a pilot program before CA really threw open the gates.

i mean its possibly a bad thing, leading to an even more degenerate society. but one day it will make it 600000000000000000000 times easier for ME to obtain it. me me me me me. fook the greater good.

i think it should be legal, but SHAMED. i said earlier this might be impossible, but is it really? look at cigarettes and tobacco for example. those have been shamed pretty well. or have they? has that really worked in getting people to choose to buy/smoke less cigarettes? probably a little bit, and thats all that matters.

should you tax the shit out of MJ then? well, in that it might be an incentive for govt to legalize it, yes, but I have no faith that the tax money would be used for ANYTHING good. it would ALL be wasted on bullshit. i understand that. im just looking at the tax as purely an incentive for The Gummint to Legalize It.

and against i dont see this as some big crusade for justice, because it is a mixed bag. i’m not sure it…..well it probably SHOULD be legalized, but shamed as fook. shamed even more than cigarettes. which are currently more shamed than alcohol or porn.

but you can still get tobacco EVERYWHERE, and you have plenty of tobacco shops which themselves are not sleazy. well not all of them hahahaha.

i guess i would also take, instead of full legalization, then the state expanding its Qualifying Conditions for MMJ to Despair or Anxiety, hehehehe.

there already IS a NEET CURE, it’s called the MILITARY, thats ALWAYS been the NEET CURE. but I think this aspect has been played down in the past 20 years, and the military is pretending like they are moar selective, and they dont necessarily WANT neet losers. but they will prob take neet losers. provided you’re not too fat and provided you never took psych meds like prozac or paxil or citalopram hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

george michael, dead of “heart failure.” well thanks that explains a lot hahahahahaha. i could have told you that. i guess thats better than cancer tho! but was it heart failure from, for EXAMPLE, mixing coke and pills and booze and painkillers and heroin and meth? that will cause heart failure for sure hahahaha. probably some MJ in there too hahahaha.

just waiting for another 20 bucks of bitcoin to transfer into coinbase so i could hopefully sell it at 901. because i have to move everything back and forth from coinbase, because they are jooish and watch exactly where you send your money, meaning no gambling and i would assume no Darknet Markets hahahahahahahahahaha. they scolded me for sending it to gambling. i have NO IDEA how they found out. considering I thought the gambling site used separate wallets for each gambler!

over 1 hour and 0 confirmations. didn’t even modify the fee.  this is why bitcoin will never take off. good idea though. just need something with FAST confirmations and ideally some way to send messages with the money. like hey guy this money is from UFMLL. remember me because i’d like you to know i donate money to you every 3 months. i am a true blue cobber m8. you can count on me. im not some kind of hypergamous mercenary who’s gonna leave you in the lurch. i am a MAN OF HONOR(tm) (great phrase from Chapin book MGHOW). wihtout having you have to make notes and search weird addresses jsut to try to identify somebody, and what if it changes your address every time? or you having to send a email before you send every transaction is probably the easiest way to identify yourself. still not very practical IMHO.

you know i am very optimistic about our young kids with 1488 blood pumping thru their veins. they dont even have the DESIRE to take MJ. I feel the desire EVERY DAY. I know it’s wrong but I think I can GET AWAY with it. I think the rules dont apply to me. I think I can just keep it in the closet and be an exception. but really I am envious of those who dont even WANT it. i wish I didn’t WANT it. but shit do I ever.

went for 1.4 mile powerwalk, not bad.

so anyway, i should NOT become an outspoken activist for the legalization of MJ, because its degenerative for huhwhyte society.

ok so whats the best military route for white neets? i honestly cant say. some say we want our white warriors on the frontlines. i would say study something hard and technical where only white men pass the exam, and get yourself into a safe all white male unit doing technical shit.

heh havent been to this horrible site in a while but this guy was dumped, was just devastated. people give him decent advice that WHY never helps, never gives closure. but its also very hard not to ask why. because youre willing to do anything to fix it, to make them change their mind. but they just wont. that never works. just let them go. fook yes its hard as SHIT. will make you want to sm0ke MJ for the next 2 years hahahaha.

hehehehe

why dont any gurls want a second date with me? im not a racist hater, i don’t like that racist trump! i dont have any wrongthink! why arent women interested in me at all?

yet the same gurls who are rejecting him are probably getting fooked by ebil trump voting racists hahahaha.

dec 27

heh. now i remember why i stopped reading /relships. because it is a woman-dominated space, and these women are annoying and stupid af. but they think they are SO smart, about relships, about men and women, but they know nothing. about men, abotu women, OR about relships. that is why they are high number crazy carousel riding catladies who cant keep a man hahahahaha. so how do they make 60k a year at their high powered careers then? AND have time to read and poast on reddit?

but yeah obviously this guy needs to Explicitly Ask for a Second Date on Saturday at 7pm and he would have more success. getting a second date at least hahahahaha.

but i mean yeah a bitch being texting on her phone the whole time during your date implies they are not interested. i mean its rude. but they just dont KNOW any better. at age 25 they dont know this is rude. and you’re THIRSTY and DESPERATE enough that you still WANT a second date with a RUDE woman who texts and sexts during the whole first date and is too stupid to even KNOW that’s rude.

ARrrrrgh this makes no sense! Who can I ask for clarification here? who’s the SME for this Subject Area?………..you mean I’M THE SME? IM THE EXPERT? BBBBBUT I have no idea how this works! I need an SME to help ME! I can assure you, I am absolutely no EXPERT in this! I know MUCH less than the USERS!!!!!!! why can’t we appoint one of them an sme?

welp, you better learn it fast, because it looks like you are the SME.

i can’t believe this is how things actually really work with large, successful businesses.

well, my business was in a Failure Phase tho. and if they dont pull out of it, they will end up selling the company.

you can sell a publicly traded company btw. prob need to cash out all the stock though. or maybe you can get out of that with bankruptcy. leave your stockholders in the lurch hehehehe. who knows. im no JQ bankruptcy attorney. though you can make good money in that career.

but it takes a certain TYPE to be a LAWYER. there are a few good huhwhyte lawyers like toilet law and this other guy. but i bet they are in the minority.

benedryl sleep last night, had dream featuring 2 female friends i had in muh crazy uni days. i was with one female friend reviewing a video of myself and the second female friend, and i was like, wow, its plain as day, look at her body language, she clearly wants the D, but its so weird I didn’t notice that at the moment, and had to see a video playback. hmmm. maybe I SHOULD give her the D. interesting idea.  I mean its really not a HORRIBLE idea. yeah i’m hung up on this other gurl, but some casual fook buddy secs might be good. and if its not, at least we can say we tried. lets give it a try.

and of course this never happened in real life. IRL I WAS too hung up on this “angel” i was in luv with, that I didnt’ even want anyone else, and I was even making female friends at the time who were arguably attractive women (21, 22 year old women! I should think so!!!!!) but I honestly had no interest in them in that way. but maybe i should have pushed myself towards being Casual Fook Buddy with at least one of them hahahahaha. how would that have played out? I will never know.

but this dream got me thinking. maybe that could have worked. me, doing a degen casual secs, fook buddy, FWB thing. whoda thunk it.

but yeah i put these other luv interests on such a pedestal, that i couldnt even THINK of other women.

i guess it was similar when i first met That Woman. I was still heartbroken over women2012 and couldnt even THINK of being with another woman.

And its ok to feel that way hahahahahahah. my feelings were valid. i don’t really REGRET not trying to bang that female friend hahahaha.

its so weird looking back on it. she was not just a leftist, but a leftist activist, and she was kinda a SLUT, she had told me about times she “HOOKED UP” with guys drunk at a party, i think she even said she had fooked a BLACK guy, and I knew she was a “little bit” crazy, (in hindsight I think very likely bipolar), but i also accepted her for who she was, and didn’t really judge her too harshly. we got along well and never really any tension. i kind of felt PITY for her having these meaningless relships. she was “dating” this guy tho and it was a CLUSTERFOOK. she wasnt happy and he wasnt happy and I just couldnt tell WHAT was going on. i still dont know.

anyway she went on to be a successful lawyer (hahahahahaha) and somewhere in there found a decent man, but I dont think that lasted, and she had some legit family tragedy, and I think went crazy and possibly had a breakdown, and did a complete career change and is doing pretty good with that. much better career than me hahahaha.  i mean she was always ambitious and a hard worker. is not gonna get lazy and slothful and despairing and neetish. but its the bipolar which will be a real risk for her. anyway i wish her well, she’s not a bad person.

so interesting. i can know a lot of shady details about a womans shady past and NOT be judgmental, say she’s NOT a bad person. when you would THINK I would judge her SAVAGELY. NOPE. it’s DIFFERENT when I actually know a person in real life. i give them the benefit of the doubt.

but yeah i was never in luv with her. but several people wondered if we had something going on. we did not hahaha. i was not really interested. but in hindsight, she was not unattractive, and it probably would have been good to try to get some Experience with her. while of course Respecting her decision if she didn’t want to hahahahaha. but she used to get REALLY ridiculous when drinking, even moreso than me. I would just fall down drunk. she would actively do crazy shit. including probably fook guys. black guys hahahahahahaha.

i actually met her father! he seemed like a good guy, was very successful, good father daughter relship, but pretty sure he was bipolar too. which became a problem for the whole family.  but yeah i think this is better than the alternative of an abusive or deadbeat father. he was successful and his children were successful even if his marriage failed.

but just making the point that she didnt become a crazy slut because she had a terrible father.  i think her father was pretty GOOD…..he was just legit CRAZY. she was too. but they both managed it pretty well. until they didnt. well, she’s doing allright. but he isn’t. it’s SAD!!!!!!!!!

so yeah. good people can be totally sidelined by Mental Illness. I totally believe it. I get it. I understand.

so yeah i wish her well, hopeyouredoingwell.wav, and that she safeguards herself against the bipolar condition. imho getting out of LAW was a good move. she can find other Careers to make Good Money. everyone I went to Uni with seems to have no problem makign good money! with me being the lone exception of course hahahaha.

selling the last of my bitcoin. huge. rally. to the moon. very bullish. sold at 890 yesterday, sell the last of muh btc at like 930ish today. and if it goes higher, OH WELL, im all tapped out.

ok sold it. done. no more bitcoin left. except 1 dollar in a btcjam account from deadbeats slowing paying me back on microloans. us citizens are now barred from loaning any more. oh well. it wasnt a great system for me anyway hahahaha. good riddance.

hehehhehehe this is starting right now. i would have shit my pants over this a few years ago. its a good move for roosh to move towards more serious men like uncle bern.  but both seem naive for just not reading the writing on the wall already. JQ. Race. WN. move past MGTOW shit. find a traditional woman. roosh go back to persia and stop ruining white women.

hehehe roosh really looks like a mudslim isis terrorist with that huge beard. i guess im glad he got TIRED of banging white sluts and realized there was more to life than MUH DICK.

with my superior white mind, i came to that conclusion and didnt even have to bang ANY white sluts!

and yeah i kinda envy him for having success with my race’s women where I have had NONE. literally. all the women i have had any success with have been nonwhite joos hahahahahahahahaha.  even white trash fatherless sluts reject me in favor of blacks and criminal toughguys.

well good riddance, i will go be a mgtow and get a damn realdoll HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA jk.

heh maybe bernard will become a WN in a few years. everybody moves at their own pace hehehehe. you cant really RUSH people.

ideally roosh would just marry a persian woman, have persian children, and repent for his past degeneracy, and encourage Racial, Noncivic Nationalism. encourage all his white male fans to become WN’s. Roosh is not a dumb guy. and he is gradually moving in the right direction.

but there are so many white omegas out there who can only think about women women women women women women women. i used to be one of them hahahahahaha. i STILL think about women ALL THE DAMN TIME. but now i keep Sex in its proper perspective – subordinate to RACE. whereas these mens movement people would disagree with that totally. and say race doesnt matter nearly as much as sex.

yeah sex does matter a lot. but race matters more.

just dump him and replace him with a better man! that is the answer to all womens relship problems. we men mean NOTHING to women. they are the REAL haters hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. women hate men WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more than men hate women. women MEAN a lot to men. Men mean NOTHING to women. hahahahahaha. ok thats an example of the type of thoughts i don’t want to have, and ideally would refute them with a convincing rebuttal.

Have you ever had Anal Sex with a man you knew for less than 2 weeks? less than 1 week? how many men?

in the questions to ask your prospective wife hahahahaha. ideally you should not know these men less than a year. buttsecs is a BIG DEAL and should not be given out willy nilly. yet these beautiful white 22 year old gurls are quickly becoming ANAL WHORES!!!!!! BUTT SLUTS!!!!!!!!

would you want your DAUGHTER becoming that?

or do you just not care, all you care about is muh dick and muh drugs and muh alcohol? like a negro!!!!!!

just call them white n199er5.wav hahahahahaha

yet my female friend from 11+ years ago did all sorts of DISGUSTING things, and I dont hate her for it!

i wasnt in luv with her though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

could I have been? maybe. anythings possible. but i knew all those unsavory things about her already, learned them pretty quickly, whereas That Woman didnt have any of those Disqualifiers.

and i STILL trust that That Woman wasnt HIDING anything. she was a trustworthy person. which made losing her very hard! and she still is trustworthy! she was and is a decent, valuable, good person! its really hard to lose that! it’s a lot easier to lose a total piece of shit!

anyway.  its all over. its finished. RIP.

but yeah. i am thankful for the few female friends i have had, i continue to learn from them 11 years later hahahaha. so yeah i hope that woman is doing well. that she finds a good man. although she would be hard to deal with. i dont think i’d want to. heck its possible she became a lesbian hahaha. but i dont think so.  but yeah she did disgusting things and i dont think any less of her as a person.

but yeah i didnt want to Be With Her and make babies with her and make her my waifu. at all hahahaha. whatsoever. i would have laughed at the thought. there was not that kind of Romantic Luv. I guess it could have developed. but now we are talking hypotheticals.

i mean what if she werent dating that guy? what if she was more “gf-ish” and sweet to me?  i mean she was nice to me but in that just one of the guys sort of way. and since i wasnt looking for any more from her, i didnt mind at all.

but yeah, bottom line, she was a good person and deserves good things and good people, but she was a little bipolar, but that shouldnt count against her. she could still be a good white wife and mother (and i hope she does!), provided she didnt screw it up.

she was weird though. she might not even WANT kids. she strikes me as possibly being one of those Weird Women that just has no desire to have children.

anyway my final word on her is that she is a good person and i hope she is doing well.

looked at hookers on backpage. technically that is not the same as looking at pron. i found at least two white hookers that caught my interest. 90% of the women were disgusting blaq hookers hehehehehe. not that the white ones are not white trash, but my god, i cant even imagine the type of man who would PAY these blaq women in the pictures, i mean they often looked fat and horrible.

funny that the majority of the white hookers BLATANTLY said no black men. so they are race aware and have a preference against black men, where Regular White Nonhooker Women do NOT! they are equal opportunity Cvm Bvckets!

well, as hookers, these women see the absolutely shadiest men right? so they probably saw tons of shady ghetto thug black men, not  talented tenth black men hahahaha. and arent the WHITE men they see shadier than the average white man? what kind of man uses hookers anyway?

Basically every man I know has been to a strip club. no big deal there. I heard of one guy who got drunk once and somehow a stripper offered to Suck His D for a price and he said ok sure i’ll pay 80 bucks for that! i dont think he found that all too horrible but it also wasnt the type of thing he did normally.

when i was in Uni a hedonist, sensualist acquaintance of mine talked about banging a hooker in amsterdam. this guy was a free luv kinda hippie type and very handsome, didn’t really NEED to bang hookers. i think he was just a sex freak and just honestly wanted to bang a hooker because it WASNT a normal nonhooker.

I heard about a middle aged alcoholic who would occasionally bang hookers. this kinda made the most sense. he was like 50 something, didnt want to waste time chatting with women, he had money from a business he miraculously ran, and he spent his money on booze and hookers. fantastic. TERRIFIC hahahaha.

i’ve known men who regularly go to strip clubs and it is PATHETIC. I have no desire to go to a strip club ever again. I would MUCH rather just hire a hooker for 30 minutes. strip clubs are just disgusting jooish places.

and yeah obviously i would rather be In A Rel with That Woman than ever go to a hooker. Still not over her! it will take about 2 years. but i am closer than i’ve ever been to getting over her. really all it will take now is meeting The Next Woman. I need to MEET WOMEN. and if that means going on fookin ok cupid, then thats what i have to do.

yep that FUATH – I album is really good. very listenable. dont even CARE if its a drum machine. album of the month hahahaha. dec 2016.

also looked on craigslist and backpage for “420” or “medical cannabis” or that type of thing. found some stuff, looked shady and or they blatantly said, you gotta have your card. which i’m sure they HAVE To say!!!!!!!

https://twitter.com/belledejour_uk/with_replies?lang=en

oh god heres a terrible woman. “sex worker” who got a phd in biology or some shit and is horribly sex positive and some of the trs goys are bullying her. GOOD! she is a monster. and jooish hahahahaha. OF COURSHE.

these women with phds in casual sex. fooking like negros. that is literally what their phd is in. then they make 600000000000000 tweets a day about how good casual sex is. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

 

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE

aug 13

you cant even talk to normies about this because theyll be like why were you SO devastated? why didnt you just ignore her? just suck it up? why did you fall SO hard for someone you werent even fooking? why didnt you tell her earlier? its all my fault basically. and it kinda is. not that I MADE her withdraw all kindness, but I did kinda reap what I sowed in several ways.

but she was jsut as immature as i was, and usually 25 year olds are more mature than me hahahahaha. well she was a WOMAN though. women are naturally immature. like children. children who cant keep their legs closed hahahaha.

so yeah normies get their hearts broke but its not as big of a deal to them. or they dont fall so hard for someone they are not dating/fooking.  normies just wouldnt understand. they say yeaaaahhhh something is a little weird about this guy, and he should probably see a shrink and get on some meds already. oh he is? hmm well uhh maybe he should try some diff meds and a diff shrink, the current program isnt working so well hahahaha.

the ironic thing is, I think a Decent Monog Longterm Rel with a Woman WOULD help the majority of foreveralone despairing virgin men, give them real confidence in something that is really meaningful to them, and literally transform them. theyve wanted this for so long but never got it. dont you think them finally achieving it would change their lives?

but maybe it would be like winning the lottery. theyd find a way to fook it up.

i dunno. give them a CHANCE at least. if that woman gave me a CHANCE, i think i would have had a good chance of not fooking it up!

normies also dont understand why it takes us so LONG to get over somebody. so just virginsplain to them that if their wife with whom they have created new life just up and left them without a word and that was it, how long would it take THEM to get over THAT? at LEAST a year.

or the person just dropped dead suddenly one day. but still i think being left is WORSE than that, because you’re not certain that the person who dropped dead WANTED to LEAVE you. as far as you know, they still loved you till the very end.

so yeah this is rougher than a death hahahaha. because they WANT to leave you, they’re still alive out there fooking and loving OTHER guys, and they dont give a DAMN about you and your broken heart and the time you spent together. they’ve FORGOTTEN about you entirely. dead people cant forget you like this hahahaha. dead peopel arent moving on fooking and loving other people and enjoying life.

you can move on and enjoy all the cox and abortions and tyrones you want, just dump a person the right way, not the wrong way.

implying that women are even capable of doing things the right way.

hehehe well i KNOW they are, because OTHER women have dumped me the right way. and I appreciate it hahaha. thank you so much for dumping me the right way.

ok took shower, go to boring church today. i was trying to “fast” until 12pm, that would give me 18 hours of “fasting.” the old 18/6 as opposed to the 16/8 hahahahaha. i was starting to ger hungery so yeah. then ate 290 calorie breakfast/lunch.

ive been VERY good about not looking her up on linkedin or facebook or instagram or google. VERY good. so +1 to me hahahaha. i mean i wouldnt be able to see any more than her fb profile picture, but that’s bad enough. to even see ONE picture of her would be WAY too much.

then i think about people who are Friends with their Exes 4 Lyfe. I just cant wrap my mind around it at all!

i mean it could possibly be doable if BOTH peopel mutually agreed that the rel was over and that NEITHER person wanted to work on it. and NEITHER person wanted the other back. i guess I am envious to have such a Mutual, Amicable Breakup hahahaha.  seems a lot less stressful than knowing you have to restrain yourself from seeing even ONE picture or ONE comment or ONE reminder that they are still alive, for YEARS.

like i am thinking of these people i will see at this little labor day event. the one guy is married and has a kid and his wife and maybe kid will be there with him…..but he is still friends with his ex gf from 10 years ago! and they dated for several years and she was kinda crazy! and she is married to some other guy now. and she is going to this thing as well! they still see each other once a year or so! heh if i were his wife i would be suspicious hahahaha. its called a break up because its BROKEN hahahaha. but then youre jealous, youre the bad guy. maybe he gets a freecard to fook her hahahaha. now im just speculating. but this guy had a LOT more wild oats than me, he was pretty much an alpha male ladies man. now he has a good career and a nice wife and child. hehehehe funny to think that when  first met him he was an 18 year old kinda nerdy kid who had only had 1 GF hahaha (much more than i had had as a nerdy 18 year old hahaha) and I kinda Corrupted him by introducing him to MJ!!!!

well he turned out MORE than all right and I turned into a big loser hahaha. maybe winner normies can be issue free friends with their x’es. i just don’t want him to do anything DEGENERATE, because he’s a good guy and he can do BETTER than that. of course nothing degenerate has actually happened to my knowledge! i just think its weird to be friends with your x’s and to have the x at a holiday weekend with your wife and the wife is fine with it too!

meanwhile i have to make a concerted effort to never look at a single picture of HER ever again, and we didnt even date for 2-3 years and fook 6000000000000000 times like this guy and his x did!

so i am a bit jelly of a serious relationship ending without any Lingering Trauma hahahaha.

and they still have SOME sort of relationship technically!

how does his wife feel about this? how does her husbando feel about this? is she still married to the husbando? i dont think THEY had any kids. i dont fully trust her, although i always got along with her. i wouldnt want to be in a rel with her! she was kinda crazy, in the way that you can never fully trust crazy! she went on to be wildly successful and started doing a phd but then left after the masters level to make tons of money in Private Industry. probably not in a call center hahahaha.

i guess i am also envious of crazy people who can still be extremely successful despite their despair or bipolar or whatever.

anyway shes ok, she’s white, thats the main thing, so she should go down to part time and have some white kids. her husbando had a high paying job in finance or some shit. controller or CFO or some high level, high wealth Career. she can afford to take some time off and have babies. 3 of them. i think he’s white too. could be Jooish but I don’t think so. could be though. has dark hair. i never met him. but if he’s white, they should have kids. but she might pass her crazy on to them? she’s not a bad person though. would i trust her with homeschooling children? maybe. i mean having children could well be very good for her.

anyway i dont hate her, i just thought she was kinda weird, and i was a bit annoyed by her overachieving. it paid off in an impressive career though!

anyway i anticipate i will get along with her just fine, i always did before, and she was always nice to me and me to her. situation is just kinda weird is all. but theres no point for me to tell HER that! or him. if it doesn’t bother either of them, it doesnt matter.

i am just obsessed with Relationships in general. and getting Nosy into other people’s business.

especially if i KNOW the people, and there is anything weird about the rels. or the rels are ending or failing. i am interested in the Death of Rels hahahaha.

well their rel certainly didnt DIE! it changed, maybe downgraded, and in a mutual way! me and that woman, our rel just DIED. permanently. DNR. RIP. Although I for sure wanted to resuscitate it!

when you want something for so long, well its not like food and water, you wont DIE……but you do become TWISTED and WEIRD. to have an unscratchable itch for 10, 12, 14 years, and to never experience something that Normies experience.

in the mood for some depressive su1z1dal black metal, i hear this one is pretty good, and i actually remember listening to it like 4 years ago when i first discovered DSBM.

i recall it being ok. it gets good reviews.

i could very well be bipolar hahahaha. only i dont get manic episodes. i just get brief episodes where i am kinda wound up and not thinking straight. well that is a manic episode no? yeah but i am not staying up 3 days in a row Tweaking and doing impulsive shit. but i am generally “one extreme or the other” in my thoughts and attitudes. so maybe i have “mild bipolar” and taking some lithium would help me be more productive and successful.

churn out moar job apps, get thru moar interviews, and once i get a job, survive its shittiness one day at a time. put myself out on okcupid and try to get the table scraps there hahahaha. Post HER, I cant imagine ever Loving another woman again.

i mean why SHOULD you lower your standards when you are looking to spend the rest of your LIFE with somebody and you want to create THREE NEW LIVES with them? does it make ANY sense to lower your standards for that? FOOK NO!!!! Either I luv them the same or MORE than i luved her, or NO new lives will be created!!!!!!!!1111

WHY THE HELL SHOULD YOU CREATE NEW LIFE AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEBODY YOU ARE NOT MADLY IN LUV WITH?

or to rephrase that, someone you are just kinda “MEH” about. i realize Mad Luv fades, but i am implying that it Of COURSH follows with a deep, abiding, Loyal, Foundational, Strong, Faithful Luv.

coldworld just came out with his first album in 8 years hahahaha. cover is a little corny but album is allegedly good hahahaha.  not really DSBM as much as melancholic black metal hahahaha. i recall the melancholie2 album was decent. prob better with some MJ and good headphones hahahaha.

yeah well though i have trouble reaching muh goals, at least i have a good family and i am not a superfat slob anymore. still want to lose 10 more pounds tho. and it will be the hardest.

also now i have nice clothes to wear in the interview. and nice friends who remember me after years and invite me places. i mean i am kinda nervous because i dont have any stories to tell, and i am a huge loser and they are all happy winner normies. but i try to not ram my loser weirdo neetness down their throat, and try to be as normie as i can. play down my loserness and insecurity and self-loathing cuz i know that comes across as VERY overbearing. so i dont overbear others with it. just in this blog and when i am by myself!

i didnt overbear HER with it either, she had barely any idea how crazy i am! i just overbeared her with pathetic pleas to pleeeeeeease hang out with meeeeeeeeee pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease respond.

aug 14

just spent all day reading about metal, mainly DSBM, but some regular non DSBM like this quebec nationalist black metal band forteresse, sheeeeeit all sorts of black metal. very close to giving ruins of beverast another chance.

well lets just put it this way, i like metal Solo Projects with Real Drums. Drum machines suck. also when you add more people it risks diluting the musical vision and purity. 2-person bands are also ok.

so basically you just tell women you want to HANG OUT and then you use a little GAME and if the first “date” goes ok, then you can get a second date, and then you bang them on the second date. this is insanely slutty!

it is so insane and disgusting and horrifying that THAT WOMAN is doing exactly that with a carousel of guys she meets on dating sites and tinder!

i guess this is women’s programming to get pregnant as soon as possible, by any means necessary. and then you NEED to have an abortion or oops baby to teach you a lesson. and then you forget that lesson after a few months, become a slut again, and have another abortion or oops baby.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

welp i generally dont like 80 minute albums but might as well dive in here. i think some dude MJ lmao and good headphones would help a lot here. unfortuantely i have neither hehehe.

well even the pickup guys who like to bang sluts say that half of women dont bang on the second date. this is great news.

heh maybe half of THEM bang on the THIRD date. so, 75% of women bang on 3rd date, 88% on 4th, 94% on 5th, 97% on 6th, 99% on 7th, hahahahaha. doing a little rounding there.

i dunno. i am still not over her. she was SPECIAL to me goddamn it! she wasnt some random slut! yet to other guys she wilfull presents herself as a random slut. unbelieveable. disgusting. revolting.

interview tomorrow for part time job. 12k a year hahahahaha. well at least its permanent part time hahahaha. and i have worked with this organization before. but it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a full time job here. you have to REALLY know someone powerful . i thought i did, but i either didnt know them well enough or they werent powerful enough. prob both.

went for powerwalk. lyrinx was meh, ruins of beverast was interesting, not as bad production as i expected, but still pretty rough.

anyway i dont like having a special rel thrown away like it was not special. it makes me think the WHOLE THING was an illusion….WHEN IT WASNT.

also, i probably did NOT do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND BAD…..although it was very confusing and bad for me because i got the same reaction as if i had, and it was ENTIRELY up to me to cnvince myself that i hadn’t! and i am not very good at that!

also, i never want to do anything terrible, but i am aware that i might do something terrible, and i want someone to let me know so i can learn from it and never do it again! and she sort of let me know that i did something terrible.

but she DIDNT. she didnt do ANYTHING. maybe i did something bad, maybe I didnt.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

hehehehe time is money wagie, tick tock, back to work, another day another dollar.

so yeah i like it when the woman lets you know you didnt do anything terrible that makes you a terrible person, they say its not you its me. i like that. its cliche but it WORKS, it really MEANS something.

i dont want to be such an autistic sociopath that i do horrible things without knowing! i dont want to be a terrible person to other poeple!!!11

so yeah she could have been better in letting me know that i was not a terrible person basically.

and it took me a fookin YEAR to convince myself that she was just Overloaded and Ran Away. but jeez. at least send a messenger. send one last message. wasnt our earlier rel important to YOU???!?!?! Im pretty sure it was! dont be DISHONEST and pretend it wasnt!

but yeah its gonna be the father who teaches his daughter morals, including sexual morality. how to pick a good man. how to wait 8 dates before fooking. how to not bang too many guys. how to pick a good guy young. how to not cheat. how to dump a guy the right way. how to not lead a guy on. the mother just cant do this. because women cant TEACH shit. funny how most “teachers” are WOMEN!

so she turned out ok despite no father. she still hurt me greatly and i wish i had never met her. so if i had followed my never associate with fatherless women rule, then i never would have met her (or at least got attached to her), and my life would have been better.

i mean shit. it just sucks when you have to say “I WISH I NEVER MET YOU. YOU MADE MY LIFE WORSE. YOU BROUGHT MORE BAD THAN GOOD. YOU WERE A NET LOSS.”

when people have an Amicable Break Up, they don’t say THAT. they dont wish they never MET the person.

theres this book called The Ethical Slut which used to trigger me because being a slut isnt ethical, but i guess the book assumes a basis of do no harm, and communicate boundaries, and dont treat people like garbage, and how to communicate about awkward feelings in case your fuccboi gets feelings and you just wanna fucc moar fuccbois.

in other words, i would have LOVED being treated with the ethical guidelines advocated by The Ethical SLut hahahaha. i think.

http://candieportfoilo.yolasite.com/resources/The%20Ethical%20Slut.pdf

its NOT OK to NOT COMMUNICATE with your lovers or yourself hahahaha.  THANK YOU. hahahaha

http://openingup.net/

opening up by the degen slut tristan taormino is argued to be the better book.

heh. i am looking to the MOST DEGEN PEOPLE for advice on Ethical, Mature, Healthy Relships hahahaha. THAT is how IMPORTANT good COMMUNICATION is to ALL relationships, even degen slut ones.

EVEN DEGENERATE POLYAMOROUS SLUTS COMMUNICATE.

I agree with them that communication and respecting feelings is important, ethical, and good!

ok i think i have made my point hahahaha.

i watched “Fargo” last night on viceland degen tv. this is one of those movies that i have wanted to watch beginning to end but had never done so. i had seen the first 30 minutes recently and was quite intrigued. so i was glad to see it here and i caught it right at the beginning. decided to watch the whole thing. there were frequent commercials so that did not help. but overall i found it disappointing. it could and should have been a lot better. just because coen brothers are degen J’s doesn’t mean they haven’t made great movies. but some of them are not so great. this one tilts towards that, when I expected it NOT to.

joos writing supergoys seemed pretty condescending, patronizing, like look at these STUPID WHITE HICKS.

did the guys wife end up dying? i felt they really treated her like a piece of meat. thats somebodys mother. even if the kid is a brat and the father is a scumbag.

i guess frances mcdormand was the moral compass and that was ok…..but I would have liked to see that extend to the other goy characters, like the kidnapped wife. i mean did the big goy barbarian just knock her out, or sociopathically kill her like he did everyone else? did the kidnappers have any intention of doing a “fair” trade? were they just gonna kill the wife all along? why? why was the injun beating steven buscemi with a belt? prob because he drew the attention of the po po on him, i guess. but nothing ever happened to the injun. they never arrested him. or maybe they did later.

just seemed kinda lazy and sloppy and i know coen brothers can do better than this.

unless there are buried hints like a david lynch movie.

why was bill macy in financial trouble to begin with? why did he scam 320k from GMAC car loans if he just needed 1 car to give the criminals? it seemed like he wanted 750k to be loaned from his father in law.

maybe im just asking too many questions. but that is what i do. blame muh job. need to know everything about everything.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fargo_(film)

ok so the gmac loan is what he needs the money FOR. but why was he trying to scam them in the first place? gambling? hookers?

and why “fargo” if most of the movie took place in brainerd and minneapolis? he first met the kidnappers in fargo but thats about it.

I mean it was GOOD, but it wasnt nearly as good as i expected. it was disappointing and lazy and sloppy and i feel like i missed something. maybe they edited out important stuff for commercials. i guess the wife is supposed to be dead.

big lebowski was better, raising arizona and millers crossing were WAY better.

this should not be considered a top shelf coen brothers movie. it was lazy and patronizing. how did it win an oscar for best screenplay. how did it become such a phenomenon, with critics and fans shitting themselves over it?

i didnt really like “no country for old men” either.

i did really like the main musical theme of fargo though.

hahahahahahahaha

i didnt think it really SUCKED, I just thought it was ok, not great. is was disappointing and the coens can do better.

i have enjoyed coens films for YEARS and I totally understand and get their style. the layers and subtleties. the dialogue and dialects. ok thats FINE.

i might have liked it more if i saw it years ago, when i was more prone to suck the coen bros jooish dicks.

and i prob would have liked it moar with no commericials, and ucddling with a waifu.

that can make bad movies good.

http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/why-did-she-break-me

its good to Grieve but dont let it CONSUME you hhahahahaha. easier said than done. well it doesnt consume me as much hahaha. but other things do.

like oh god i am unqualified at everything, incompetent, can never get a job or a woman, completely worthless hahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

so lets just assume 50% of women are dirty n>=4 whores and 50% are decent n<4 marriageable women. because we just DONT KNOW, and the great rule of thumb is, always assume 50/50 when you DONT KNOW.

i can live with 50/50!

i mean i think being a high number slut who gives it up real quick is a good proxy or way to measure a womans morality and trustworthiness in general. do they really walk the walk. or are they loose. hotdog in a hallway. jsut a damn mercenary riding the coch carousel, where she has given many men a Turn. It MATTERS and STOP PRETENDING IT DOESNT!!!! But they’re not pretending, they TRULY BELIEVE it doesnt matter. totally brainwashed.

okok i need some TROB with……clearer production.  the newest one is generally rated the lowest but its the only one i havent heard at all.  plus i just straight up RESPECK this guy, he is just very special, i dont care that he is a pagan hahahahahahaha. tree worshipper.  he also has Male Pattern Baldness and a Hirsute Robin Williams like body. this endears him even more to me.

i would totally make a moderate effort to see him live. i am glad he likes to play live. why the hell wouldnt you. like these black metal phaggots that are too grim to play. or dsbm people that are too despaired to play live. come on. even trist played live a few times.

i mean yeah the fans are degenerate losers but theres probably one guy there like me who is not hahaha. who is really enjoying your show.

interview tomorrow and i am not even worried or anxious. how can you, for an 11 dollar 20 hour a week job. good god. why do i even wear a suit. why do i think i need a NICE suit.  well at least now i have a nice suit in case i need it. and i just wear it to every damn interview anyway. i am pretty happy about the suit. i had been meaning to get one for YEARS, at least 4 years or so.

i was glad to hear people on the daily shoah agree that MULTITASKING is BULLSHIT. total BULLSHIT. i couldnt agree more. but you HAVE to say you are REALLY REALLY good at it. but if youre HONEST with yourself, it just means you do a shitty, distracted job on many tasks at once. only the most autistic people like rainman MIGHT be good at multitasking. only half of the 1% most autistic people might be good at multitasking. its fookin BULLSHIT, end of story. but we are not allowed to say that. worse, we are forced to actually attempt to multitask!

i dont mind that women are like children……..except for the fact that they do a LOT MORE DAMAGE that children. they break hearts and cheat and ruin lives without remorse. children don’t do this. you dont give the baby a machine gun.

women are like babies born with machine guns. but in the past, society used to do what it could to put the safety on that gun, or take it away.

but why should women be born with something theyre TOO IMMATURE TO USE?

so they can get pregnant as soon as possible, that’s why.

and if they choose poorly, either them, the baby, or both can suffer the consequences for that AFTER the baby is born. but not before.

maybe men and women are not as different as i thought. they just want to fook any (secsy) thing that moves, no regard to the consequences. they dont care who they hurt. we are an r selected inger species hehehehe.

yeah well we WHIITES HAVE to be better than that. maybe thats how humans started, but thats not what WE evolved into. WHITES DONT DO R SELECTION. and it disgusts me to see white women doing it.

women dont have to do time in the prison of relationshiplessness hahahaha. they don’t get tons of TIME to THINK about the DYNAMICS and the ins and outs of relationships because they’re too busy being IN them. they never have a chance to view it from the OUTSIDE. think outside of the box hahahaha.

with me and other foreveralone nevergf virgins, its the exact opposite. we spend all our time thinking about rels, and exactly ZERO time actually IN them!

isnt that funny hahahaha.

holy sheet this one guy who i used to work with at my fun job which i left……..almost 3 years ago, he is still working there! this is just sad because he is older than me, has a degree, has his teaching certificate, and can get a FT teacher job, just sub shit. and they have hired two FT people in the department in the 3 years since i left, and they did not offer HIM the job! maybe they did but he said no? i wuldnt have said no! they interviewed ME for one of those jobs. i didnt get it and i was kinda pissed. why didnt they interview me for the other one? i cant remember exactly when the other one happened. before or after the one interview i had.

maybe i was that shitty of an employee hahahaha. but i dont think so. i definitely was not an electrifying team leader however, and i did not schmooze with Higher Ups like i should have. I just nodded my head and did what they told me and was nice to everybody. but the people i schmoozed best with were not higher ups. they were just level 1 saps like me, or in different departments. the maintenance guy.

heh wasnt good enough to get me an interview when i applied for the maintenance job a few months ago, for the 3 days a year the position is open. blink and you will miss it. literally.

 

 

BETRAYAL BAROMETER

0127

weird dreams r us last night. well at least they did not include That Woman.

the more interesting one featured a woman from Uni i started having random dreams about a few years ago, indicating that i should have pursued her when i had the chance, but i was too distracted on other women and other issues. and here was a cute fun woman just a little outside my immediate circle. she was very cute and didnt hate me and i was favorable to her and at that time she wasnt a huge slut yet hahahaha. she was one of those that started taking all the cox AFTER college. yes there are some women like that. survive college without getting on the cok carousel but then the postcollege world is brutal. well i can udnerstand that. at best, your dreams are shattered, you are 50k in debt, you are working all the time and lose all of your friends because you have no time, so the best you can hope for is casual sex with strangers in bars and tinder and match and random acquaintances, and hope the casual sex turns into something greater…..but it usually doesnt. then back to work for you and you are fooking some person you dont even know. this is the best case scenario: assuming you can get and keep a decent job after college. well, assuming you dont say fook this shit and go to grad skool hahahaha. which she did not do. and i kinda liked that cuz i was sick of EVERYONE but me going to grad skool. but she got a gainful job so im jelly about that. and she might go to grad school at age 30. one of THOSE.  as in, give up your decent job entirely to go to a full time, well recognized grad program and reinvent yourself kind of thing. i dunno. i quit faceberg and dont plan ot go back haha.

anyway i would still date her now even though she is 30 and has probably been with….well at LEAST 10+ guys. i liked her cuz she was super cute, and also nice and friendly and not bitchy, but also kinda shy. she stuck with her female friends and didnt have 900000000000000000000000000 guy friends.

ANYWAY in the dream i was supposed to “pick her up from school and take her home” but instead she stayed with me and was showing intense interest in me. jumping all over me and wanting to get fooked NOW. getting ecstatic over ME.

that was nice because i wasnt used to that and she was very attractive and i liked her….but it was also a red flag. it seemed way too soon and quick for her to do this. this might not be real or long lasting. if she could do that with me, she could do it with 9000000 other guys. to go from 0 to 60 like that. i dont TRUST it. its nice getting the attention in the moment, but you fear rightfully that its not gonna last. meanwhile youre getting feelings while she’s LOSING INTEREST and moving on the next guy. its bipolar. woman2004 aka woman2 was like this.

this is why i think its wrong to have secs too early: before you KNOW a person, before you LIKE a person. and that takes TIME. it takes at least 6 months. and when THE RULE is to have secs on the THIRD DATE???!?!?!?!?! what a horrible rule. assuming one date per week, you should not be having secs before the TWENTY FOURTH DATE, at LEAST!!!!!!!

and then she in the dream was like, you dont have to take me home, i wanna spend the night with you. yay that means lots of cuddles with the secs i thought, but i was supposed to take her home, where the premise was, she lived with her family hahahaha. i said wont your family care about you spending the night with some guy you and they dont really know? and she said no thats fine. not a problem. either she was gonna lie or they just didnt care their daughter was a slut. WELL THEY SHOULD! I WOULD!!!!

ANYWAY as it turned out, the whole thing was a trick to get lonely beta males desperate for female attention, then ensnare them into a weird Vampire Zombie Undead Cult Army. the cute secsy succubus pulls you in, then turns you over to the zombie hordes, where you get essentially tortured and made into a monster hahahaha.

GEE I WONDER WHAT THIS DREAM MEANS hahahaha in terms of how i feel about WOMEN.

but it was presented as kind of a Cute Edgy Funny Entertaining Teen Young Adult Movie. possibly like army of darkness mixed with zombieland mixed with i dunno, twilight or john green.

vapaudenristis 2012 demo is also very good hahaha. very heavy guitar sound but just as catchy and high energy as ever. it makes some of his other projects look a bit low energy by comparison! i like this raw in your face masculine energy and emotion. i guess that is the point of RAC and i am very happy this guy is/has been doing RAC.

anyway the dream. yeah thats about it. this particular woman didnt seem much like that, rather woman2 did.

but it is very powerful when a young cute gurl is showing intense interest in you. smiling at you, enjoying every stupid thing you say, just WANTING you. i just wish it hadnt gone from 0 to 100 so fast. just slowly ramped up and lasted a long time. start with hanging out and smiling. slowly move to cuddling and touching and making out. then slowly move to secs. is that too much to ask? yes, yes it absolutely is hahahaha.

had another dream before that. i had snuck into some luxury resort hotel, poolside, and there was some weird massage chair where robot hands gave you a massage. i started doing that and noticed there was a gurl sitting there watching me. she wasnt particularly supercute but she was young, early 20s, which at my age is really all you need. she was slightly flabby and cow looking and certainly would not look any better than she did now. but even chubby girls can be cute if they are young. she made some kinda of joke to me that was actually funny and witty and smart, but she had a voice like a deaf person that was not hot at all. she was wearing a bathing suit and began coyly showing me her genitalia.

i said something degenerate like you have a real nice pvssy, i wanna get a closer look at it, and then she started s’ing muh d, and then the dream was over 1 second later.

well better to have these degen dreams than to think about HER. or also prono. i guess i could use my image of that first mentioned woman to help me try to get over THAT woman. in that, heres another real life woman i am attracted to and who had real rel potential. who i actually sorta knew at one time 10 years ago and who was friendly to me. that is very important too hahaha.

obsessed with women hahahaha.

but i hate the thought that people have no obligations to each other, you can do whatever you want, and nothings right or wrong. plus the jury of women in my head which says, what she did wasnt that bad, and you have no right to be upset, woman hater. stop trying to control her reaction. she can do whatever she wants.

i dunno i just want some SYMPATHY. when i tell this story to a future woman i want her to side with me and say yeah that sucks, she should have been more courteous to you.

just show me some sympathy and warmth and kindness. dont tell me, yeah it sucks but life isnt fair. friends and lovers are supposed to be NICE to you. thats one of the obligations of being a friend or lover hahahaha. that you sympathize with your friend over some random stranger.

https://soundcloud.com/deathtoposersradio/2512016-dtp-radio-show-pt3?utm_source=soundcloud&utm_campaign=share&utm_medium=facebook

new vapaudenristi song on some finnish metal radio show. i assume its new, i havent heard it before. it sounds good. this guy can literally do no wrong whatsoever.

how do you know when something is betrayal? i say its not betrayal. she says it IS. only one of those answers can be correct.

well the answer is, her BETRAYAL BAROMETER was calibrated extremely LOW due to a recent betrayal. therefore she was extra sensitive to betrayal now, and somebody having a small disagreement with her would be paranoidly interpreted as ghastly BETRAYAL.

ok now my ears and brain and heart are ready for the new clandestine blaze album. i wasnt ready for it when it came out. now after listening to tonnes of vapaudenristi, the CB sounds great. sounds more high energy than all other CB. more rocking, more energy, more immediate, very hateful. as if the V is bleeding over into the CB. FINE BY ME!!!!

i dont even know how he has TIME for CB anyway. he even uses Roaring Shouty V style vokals on at least one song here.

what im saying is i wonder if his work in V is making his work in CB even BETTER.

also what im saying is if he had to focus on one project from now, i would suggest V. because what they stand for is so important. the future of EUROPE and its PEOPLE hehehehe. it is for V that people call him a racist and a nazi. because being a NATIONALIST is the WORST THING EVER. protecting your country from saracen invaders raping your women, you cant do that!

anyway he produces so much music that it is hard to keep up with it all. but when this CB album came out in first half of 2015 (pre my life falling apart) i just wasnt ready for it. now i am, and i sounds like the freshest CB material ive ever heard, possibly the best.  Peak CB. highly recommended for metal fans and nationalists.

shit i am thinking of just writing this guy a long fan email already. be like i am your biggest fan and never stop doing what you do. and if i had to buy something from your store right now it would pref be a vapaudenristi shirt so make a bunch more of those hahahaha. ideally i would meet you in person and we could have a long talk about Nationalism; and also a Long Talk about Degeneracy and how it relates to what you did in some of your more degenerate projects (Nicole 12, and back in the day he even made some “fetish videos”. but i honestly think those days are behind him now. i hope.)

“consent carnival” at USC with college money going towards educating college students on what exactly is consent, and how to get it. obviously CONSENT has been a big deal lately, with the Marxist Implication being: all men are rapists, you have to teach men not to rape, men dont know what consent is, there is an epidemic of rape on college campuses hahahaha.

with the less political suggestion that NO ONE, men or women, knows what consent really is, and that men and women dont know how to communicate with each other any more.

no means yes and yes means anal hahahahahahahahahaha

and women like when manly men push through their last minute resistance and TAKE them hahahaha.

hey i have no idea what consent is any more, having not had secs in 11+ years and reading all this stupid news and feminism stuff.

BUT its ESSENTIAL to remember, that when i DID have secs 11 years ago………….the consent was super obvious. she was practically BEGGING for my cok hahahaha. if anything the consent was coerced on MY side because i was nervous as fook and felt we were rushing into it. i wanted to take it slower, it all seemed so fast and hurried and unchill. but i went ahead and did it cuz i felt, well ive been wanting to do this forever, who knows when i’ll get another chance, its now or never. and it literally was! cuz there was a huge drought before that and a huge drought after that!

but as far as the actual CONSENT, there was NO ambiguity there. the actual consent was the least of my worries.

so i didnt have the consent problem all these college kids seem to be having as reported by the ((((((media))))). me, who just doesnt get along with women, women hate me to my very soul, every fiber of my being is repulsive to them, and i cant communicate with them and they cant communicate with me. everything is a goddamn ambiguous signal. except when it comes to actual secs. there was no doubt about it. enthusiastic consent was given at every second.

https://archive.is/hp6mY

related: this shit from attn dot com, a leftist shit site. tries to use COMICS to WIMMINSPLAIN to men the Complexities of Consent and how men think all this shit is consent but its really RAEP cuz men are such stupid evil rapey barbarians. RAPEY.

https://archive.is/Rz7DC

ok this one has the actual comic pictures i was talking about. this is how STUPID and EVIL they think MEN are.

oh secs is EASY. its maintaining an actual RELSHIP and talking about FEELINGS thats hard.

no wonder bitches are so good at having casual secs and so bad at having relships hahahaha.

went WAY over calorie budget yesterday. felt bad about that. and i didnt even REALLY gorge myself. and i still went WAY over. like 800 over. jesus christ. eating at night. and then a “dessert” of pastry on top of that!!!!!! come on!!!!

i just ate some chikun wangs! whats so bad about that? a lot actually. chikun wangs, pizza, pastries, donuts, its all bad.

anyway i say its not betrayal, she is, only one of us can be right.

well its betrayal if the person feeling betrayed says its betrayal.

i DONT GET TO SAY, yeah but youre wrong, its not a real betrayal because i didnt MEAN to betray you. or it didnt meet these official criteria of betrayal. if the betrayee FEELS betrayed, then its betrayal, and i should feel bad.

but again my response is, she was just WAY too sensitive and we could have figured this all out with a Talk.

but COULD we have? 50% NO! we could have sat down for a talk and she could have been just like a damn brick wall like she was, and STILL refused to listen or understand or try to see my point of view!

and the last thing someone who feels betrayed wants to do is talk with their would be BETRAYER about the situation!

i dunno i have never REALLY felt THAT betrayed by a person before. i have felt severely disappointed, left in the lurch, not given a change, but real stick the knife in betrayed? not really. i dont even feel betrayed by HER here! just very very disappointed.

maybe if she just said, no i dont think you BETRAYED me,  i just cant handle this, but youre not a bad guy, you didnt BETRAY me, then i would feel a lot better.

i dont LIKE when somebody forever thinks i betrayed them!!!!!!

im not the kind of guy who betrays people!!!!

but i get along SO BADLY with WOMEN, that i BETRAY them without even THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!

THAT is the kind of automatic negative thoughts i need to fight off all day.

its just real shitty. she was primed and paranoid to think EVERYTHING was betrayal. nothing i can do about that.

but i really didnt want to hurt her. i luved her! and when i luv someone, i dont do things that will HURT them!

basically somebody you luv saying you did something very wrong to them, and they hate you for it, and its NOT WHAT THEY THINK!!!! but they refuse to listen to your very sensible reasonable explanation, and hate you forever for it. its hard to just sit there and accept but thats ALL you can do.

i just hate being accused of something very bad, that i didnt really do. but i sort of did! i mean shes not misinterpreting what happened, shes misinterpreting the meaning of it, if that makes any sense.

well she COULD be misinterpreting what happened, IF she thinks i had Dual Intent, and False Pretenses ALL ALONG. then she would be even MORE WRONG. which would kinda be good, as it would more convincingly convince myself that i did not do something horrible.

but yeah when you get thrown away its very dehumanizing. you feel like you dont matter as a person. your voice and opinion and perspective dont matter. you werent even good enough to be HEARD, to be LISTENED to. they just wanted to get rid of you and not hear you bitch and moan and complain. its almost like being ASSASSINATED, or K’ed by a HIT MAN. just dispose of this toxic waste. but youre not dead. youre still alive.

it is a REAL mindfook to be disposed of like this and i wish the jury of judgmental women in my head would agree with that and show me a little SYMPATHY and say ITS WRONG TO TREAT SOMEONE LIKE THAT.

not, WELLLLLLL, what YOU did was bad too, and nobodys entitled to anything, and she doesnt HAVE to show you courtesy, esp when YOU were no angel either.

yes i fooked up but i didnt fook up THAT bad to deserve THAT. i want people to agree with me on the difference in magnitude as well hahahahaha. realize this was a complicated situation. i was TRYING to not lie to her. i was giving her signals because i couldnt HIDE it.

well im the bad guy because i NEEDED TO SAY IT. i couldnt just realize that she was taking my hints, and giving me a solid hint of her own: i dont want this,  i dont like you. and i could have LEFT IT AT THAT. but i DIDNT. i had to SAY it. so in some? many? womens eyes that DOES make me a bad guy, doing a creepy feelings dump, saying something HORRIBLY awkward when its OBVIOUS it doesnt NEED to be said.

well i disrespectfully disagree with that opinion. some of us just need to say the words.

also in many situations like this, a man falling in luv with female friend, THEY STILL HANG OUT TOGETHER and have a CHANCE to talk about it, or at least SIGNAL to each other with more clarity. i was going crazy that she WOULDNT EVEN HANG OUT WITH ME ANYMORE and instead of just saying no, would give me excuse after excuse, saying well hang out later. and stupid me i beleived that, becuase i wanted it to be true!

went to Gym and burned 867 calories. angry at everything. starving but since i went SO far overboard yesterday,  i gotta budget today. well, not really. looking at other days i can see i have PROBABLY ALREADY made up for it.

BUT since i am PLANNING on eating at muh social gaym later, i gotta prepare for that. so why be mad about that? because i am very hungry now? most of the world is hungry! whenever i get hungry, i try to tell myself, thats GOOD, get USED to it, it is because i have eaten too much that i too much weight and fat on my body, so i have to be HUNGRY a little bit in order to lose that weight.

i am not autistic as i seem hahaha.

i am also more concerned about muh job situation than it seems from this writing. i just PREFER writing about the woman situation.

basically its an illustration of how bad communication can result in a TOTAL CLUSTERFOOK.

we talked about stuff. we just didnt talk about the stuff that MATTERED. because i was too SCARED, and she was too…unneccessary. pointless. nothing she could gain from it. just pure awkwardness. no REASON to talk or communicate. she had nothing to say. she didnt have feelings for me. why couldnt i see that. shes not giving me any positive signals. why couldnt i just take the hint. well because i didnt want to take the hint, i was in denial. but is that so goddamn evil and betraying? of COURSE i was in denial, i was in TRUE LUV!!! i wanted to believe there was a CHANCE! yeah its stupid and embarrassing and naive but is it treacherous, treasonous, lying, betraying? i dont think so. but again only she gets to determine when her trust is betrayed or not.

so now im a bad guy; betraying trust and hurting people without even being aware; AND being heartbroken in the worst possible way.

so yeah its another one of the blame myself days.

other days i blame her.

shift between hating self and hating her!

well if the roles were reversed….if a female friend was in one sided luv with me…i would feel BAD that i didnt return her feelings! i would say im sorry and MEAN it! not HATE them for it! i would ALREADY be hurting them enough from not liking them back!

anyway i hate being shitty to people. so it sucks to think i can hurt somebody without knowing it. i mean not many people are close enough to me to hurt them!

did i really HURT her though?!?!?!?! ill never know. maybe she doesnt even feel betrayed. she was just disgusted and annoyed. but not betrayed. or maybe she felt bad! i’ll NEVER KNOW!!!11111!!!!!!!

SELF SOOTHING hehehehe. EVERYTHING i used to do this became a bad habit: pr0nography. alcohol. MJ. FOOD. you eat FOOD to self soothe. then you gain weight and become a fatass.

what about jerking off without using pornography? to women that are not going to destroy your spirit? still a slippery slope and kinda degenerate.

better to PRAY.

and to LIFT. or exercise.

so lemme get thsi straight. if she THINKS i did something wrong…..then i did something wrong??? WELL I THINK SHE DID SOMETHING SUPER WRONG!!!!!11

maybe reddit relationships will have the answer i am looking for hahahaha. nope. nothing will have the answer im looking for. i have been thinking of just POSTING on these forums already.

 

JUST TELL ME ITS UNDER 5 / NONSLUTS SHOULD SIGNAL THEIR NONSLUTTINESS AS MUCH AS SLUTS SIGNAL THEIR SLUTTINESS

1222

shit hhehehehe.

yeah great idea for schooling. with my skool, you wouldnt even need homeschool. i would have long talks with homeschoolers and be like nope nothing to worry about here, you can trust your kids with me, basically im just gonna give them of 4-5 years of JOB TRAINING, in at LEAST 32 different ACTUAL JOBS, AND give them actual working experience in some of those jobs over the summers.

then by the time they graduate high school, they will be skilled workers making at least 15dah and be able to be productive independent adults.

of course you didnt need a RADICAL NEW high school to be able to do this 40 “short” years ago! you just went to normal high school, then Got A Job like everybody else! didnt have to think about it! didnt have to outcompete 10 other interviewers for a 12dahj! (in 1975 dollars, purchasing power, adjusted for inflation etc)

they say yeah motherfooker at age 18 i was only making 2 dollars an hour in 1975. but 2 dollars in 1975 is like 15 dollars in 2015 hahahaah. citation needed.

you didnt need to spend 10 grand to learn how to become a Machinist. you just got an Junior Machinist job at age 18 and then in a few years became a Senior Machinist. and then in a few more years became machinist manager and then sit around and get drunk all day at work hahahahahahaha because you didnt have degenerate internet pron to look at in 1980. and shit was going well so you didnt care about degeneracy. you bitched abotu your wife but at least you had a wife and she wasnt a land whale and she didnt betray you! the worst she did was nag you. you still got secs and luv and LOYALTY.

anyway my concern now is having SAFEGUARDS so i dont go from 0 to 100 ever again.

but was it really 0 to 100?

i dont think so. it was at least 50 to 100.

maybe 60 to 100!

and the best SAFEGUARD against that would be what i already decided: BLURT IT OUT ASAP.

that would have released some pressure, and took me back dwn to 0.

i wasnt LYING, but i was kinda hiding a secret that i didnt really WANT to keep a secret, but i was just too scared to talk. and that tension kept rising and boiling. it didnt go 0 to 100 in one day but over 10 months. 300 days.  .33% per day hahahaha.

doesnt the power that be WANT us gainfully employed, because they can get more taxes out of us? and we will be more docile and controllable? because too many weird losers like me, they dont make taxes from, plus enough people like me, there will be RIOTS!

well are shiftless jobless blacks really rioting every day? hahahahaha well they are rioting every week, and killing each other every day. but thats not enough to scare the powers that be because…….tptb still get paid, still get votes, etc. i dont fookin know. you think i know how the world really works? i cant even take care of myself so of course i beleive in ridiculous conspiracy theories!!!!!!!

heh yep MW is having jared taylor on his hangout tonight, we called it hahahaha. this is real interesting that he is debuting all these BIG people right NOW rather than during his “regular season” of conversation videos. it really is gonna boost MW to the next tier and i am happy for him.

i am glad to see good things happen to good people. for a fellow Late Bloomer to become a Winner. i think he’s been planning this to be something big. he never intended it to be Just 7 Hangouts. Even if he had just done that it would have been great. but i think he was planning 7 Daily Hangouts, with a number of Big Surprise Guests.

so this is pretty fun. i am not a jared taylor fanatic but he is a big guy and a decent guy. he’s just not my own personal favorite. so i am trying to predict who else he could have on. I am officially predicting: Aurini, because MW is a fan of him or used to be, and hes never been on before.

maybe another person from TRS. 7th son was already on, so maybe something more in depth with 7th son or mike enoch.

it would not be unreasonable for ramzpaul to get on there either.

maybe david fookin duke hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt go from 0 to 100. when she started gving me the silent treatment i went from 90 to 100. and completely snapped. and that was the end of my life as i know it hahaha.

so……the question becomes

  1. how do i stop from going from 90 to 100? BLURT IT OUT before it gets to damn 50.
  2. what do i do to safeguard against silent treatment? use the following quote: “I feel upset when you stop talking to me and avoiding me. I feel very hurt by this. I will not tolerate this boundary to be crossed repeatedly. Let’s talk about this issue and get it resolved within 72 hours.  Write me an email if you don’t want to talk.”

yeah i never had someone SO CLOSE to me give the silent treatment. well, someone that i FELT close to. i had one other person give me big silent treatment, acollege roomate, BUT, at the time that began, i didnt really like him, i wasnt FRIENDS with him, i didnt feel close to him, i didnt WANT to be friends with him.

i NEVER had someone who was my friend, who i wanted to be friends with, pull such a silent treatment on me. i was totally unprepared.

it didnt help that i was already at 90. but i think SHE was at 90 too. and when she got to 100 she pulled silent treatment. and that pushed ME to 100 and i just totally broke down at life.

so tldr; you will have safeguards in place next time, becuase you wont BE at 90 when she does silent treament, you’ll be closer to 0, and indeed if i had just written an email, then what else would i have had to say to her?

also instead of tyring to get her to talk, i should have said “i cant take this any more. we have to talk now becuase this is FOOKED.” cuz i was being nice to her and trying to have small talk with her like nothing was happening, and apologizing like a beta for being weird. oh god the cringe hahahaha.

https      ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4272/beta-thread

3DRR2we

 

like this terrible beta who apologizes and THEN adds a spergy second tweets signaling to the bitchy girl that he had sat in the corner and thought about what he had done, and had Learned A Lesson on why what he did was So Wrong. Maybe he can spergily flog himself like napoleon dynamite GOD SO STUPID!!!! every time he apologizes for giving unsolicited advice.  but i can TOTALLY see how a guy gets this way. you think people ever are constantly apologizing to guys? and also, when guys get unsolicited advice, the person is usually being a huge dick to them, trying to belittle them.

well i guess the girl is mad because he is a THIRSTY BETA, BEGGING for pvssy. and she is butthurt all these THIRSTY guys are BEGGING for pvssy all the time, trying to be NICE to her.

well i say dont be such a huge BITCH about it, if you HALF as THIRSTY as this guy, youd be twice as CRAY as you are now!

also he’s not begging for PVSSY per se, he’s just merely begging for some kind of attention and friendliness from women. hes the type of supreme gentleman who doesnt even think about Pvssy until he’s in LUV with the bitch hahahaha.

anyway him apologizing, then publicly signaling the reason why what he did was so wrong, is both Omega AND Sperg/Autist.

and i was falling into that quicksand, constantly apologizing to her for BEING WEIRD.  and then saying shit like oh i know this is weird for you and i am sorry for encroaching on your personal space and pushing you and not respecting your feelings.

i should have never let it get so far. i was already past 50 at that point, worn down into a weakass omega.

i should have said hey we need to talk about something important, i am being weird because i dont like being blown off and avoided all the time, we need to talk now, this ends now.

and that wuld have fixed everything hahahaha.

well it would have taken me back to 0 and maybe i would have reacted better if she pulled silent treatment on me at that point. and then i would have to take a asimilar approach there: i dont like this silent treatment, we need to talk. done.

so yeah it makes perfect sense in hindsight. she treated me with such contempt because i was a huge OMEGA apologizing all the time. i knew it was a bad situation at the time, but….i was emotionally compromised! i was in a bad state!

also, not all women HAVE to be so mean to omegas!

and she could have hung out wiht me once in TEN MONTHS rather than CONSTANTLY BLOWING ME OFF AND AVOIDING ME.

oh i brought that on myself because i was OMEGA.

fook that she has some responsibility too. she could have hung out with me ONCE. she responded to my texts after all. she gave me MIXED SIGNALS! i thought she was open to talking!

whenever she responded to my texts, which she regularly did, it gave me HOPE that we WOULD hang out someday! we used to hang out! no problem! usually it was real easy! never more than 2 weeks passed between the first suggestion and the actual hangout! sometimes SHE even initiated the hangout!

i just think ill never get that close to a woman of such high quality again.

yeah a white trash mudshark with huge family issues. but she wasnt a slut, had a low number, and was shy, intoverted, and non slutty, and under 25, so she was therefore My Perfect Ideal Women, instant pedestal.

hahahahaha

i get it that women are as disgusted by betas/omegas as men are by sluts. but even i would treat a slut nicely even if i didnt respect them at all. i would appreciate if i were breaking a sluts heart when she had done nothing wrong to me.

oh but i did her wrong, by BEING omega TO her. this is equivalent to a slutty gurl ACTUALLY CUCKING the guy shes dating.

no i dont think so. orders of magnitude different.

in one you are playing fast and loose with A HUMAN LIFE, ie your bodys ability to create human life.

in another, you are just being a pathetic desperate begging omega. you only hurt yourself and offend the stupid bitch youre dealing with, who rolls her eyes at how pathetic youre being. no third party innocent lives ever enter the picture.

were there more male nurses and male secretaries and male medical assistants when Women Didnt Work? probably but they jsut called them assistants or apprentices and the job itself was viewed as more masculine and certainly didnt require more than a high school education.

like, did men do all the jobs that women NOW do? i mean i understand that HR and Women Makework jobs didnt exist, but you still needed Nurses and Secretaries.

well i mean come on. didnt they have a lot more male TEACHERS back in the day?

but yeah i hate that i was reduced to a begging supplicating omega for her. and that wasnt her fault per se. sure she could have just hung out with me or just talked to me or just stopped avoiding someone she used to be friends with. she could have reacted better but i could have reacted better too, like an alpha male who doesnt take shit.

still, me acting like an omega is like -1 pain on her, and her ABortioning me was a -20 of pain against me.

well i applied for the damn post office job. it only took like an hour of typing in bullshit hahahahaha. looking up your selective service number, thankfully they only wanted 7 years of employment history hahahaha and not all years. so i only had to put 2 jobs!

what was i gonna say. yeah i can see how being an omega is so offensive to women, because heres a weak man that wont protect me and muh chirren, but……they still pick deadbeat thugs anyway, tough “protectors” that abandon their children. and have secs with anyone. its sucks for a man to be omega but i dont think its as much of a shameful crime as being a slut. being a slut is simply more destructive, and to more people.

also i would still treat sluts as people unless they cucked me directly. this woman cant even write me an EMAIL.

1223

hehehe sinead mccarthy talking about mgtow

i should listen to the vidya and not just read the comments but there are good points in the comments.

i mean it cuts to the core of my self, as i used to be a huge mgtow but now i am moving over towards the racial stuff in my older age. and a lot of my mgtow stuff came from the fact that i was/am bitter, over failure and disappointment with women. which leads to blaming of the self and an inferiority complex (“im just not good enough to get a decent woman”) with some woman blaming as well (“50%-75% of modern women are promiscuous stupid crazy bipolar sociopath narcissist psychopath slut  high number 30+ guys babykilling coalburner mudshark single mom betrayer parasite hypergamous hamster sellout evil stupid crazy soulless monsters degenerates”)

dont get me wrong, i blame myself for being a weak loser omega as much as i blame women for being degenerate monsters hahahaha.

ie, i am such a weak man the only women i can pull are degenerate monsters, who in turn Reinforce my negative thoughts about women, and probably my self.

i guess the fact that i had a successful friendship with her for 2 years counts for something. well of COURSE it does. it means i CAN connect with a WOMAN on a meaningful level for a long term period. that is huge. it means there is hope for me yet. that i am not some total wizard autist who cannot talk to women at all.

also it is important for me to understand that i didnt deserve that kind of treatment. i was not perfect at all, i could have been more…..alpha and strong and manly and courageous and brave and bold and MASCULINE. but i wasnt abusing her, in fact i had relinquished all my power to her, and she understandably found that weird and uncomfortable, but in my defense i didnt know what i was doing, i was kinda acting out of fear, fight or flight, and sliding down a slippery slope, and my idea of “fighting” was just frantic flailing like a drowning man, total desperate grasping and flailing because i couldnt fathom the thought of Losing Her.

on the other hand, when you have to reject a person who obviously has feelings for you……..FOOKING DO IT NICELY PLEASE. dont SHAME them while you reject them. if you had the worlds worst abusive relationship for years, ok maybe, and maybe she was so annoyed that she felt i made her life a living hell.

well there is a world of difference between being ANNOYING and being ABUSED.

and also being ANNOYED and having your heart totally broken.

maybe i should make sinead my waifu hahahahaha who cares about the flat earth, she is pro white and attractive and is pro-white-children and probably recognizes that monogamy is best.

did she bang the black guy we see in the pictures? is she obligated to tell us? is it any of our business?

well……i dunno how obligated anyone is to do anything, but SINCE she is a pro-white activist, it would be a good bona fide for her to directly address the COAL BURNING rumors.

heck even if she just banged one black guy 50% of pro whites could probably get over it. i mean ive made mistakes too. were all human hahahahaha. we just want to know she isnt a liar, and that it isnt a long term pattern.

shit i mean the woman of muh dreams who i threw my llife away over banged a black guy. i should be calling her coal burner mud shark bla bla bla. but i honestly dont care because it was just one guy, and she hasnt BEEN with a lot of guys, under 5, and she probably will not go Back to Blacks after this one mistake.

yes i think its a good bona fide for a woman not necessarily to State Their Number, but if they’ve been with less than 5 guys, to be proud of and signal their non sluttiness. you dont need to tell me your number, but if you say its less than 5, shit i would be happy with that!!!!!!!!! all need to know. less than 5, shit. just glad its not over 30 hahahahaha.

nonsluts should be signaling their nonsluttiness as much as sluts are signaling their sluttiness.

say you have to call your car insurance company to see if they cover a “hit and run”of somebody hitting your car in a parking lot then driving off. and you cant understand your complicated policy, or cant find a copy of it. WHO YA GONNA CALL for answers, advice, and help? you call the fooking insurance company  OF COURSE. its their JOB to service your damn insurance policy, and therefore to understand it and know about it, right? you want to CALL them and TALK to someone who UNDERSTANDS better than you do. someone who gives you confidence that they know what they’re doing, know what they’re talking about, can make sense of your policy.

and theres the rub. the poor schmuck youre calling is a Fookin New Guy who makes no more than 15 DAH at absolute maximum, and he understands your policy even LESS than you do.

uhhhhh well reading the language in this policy makes me think….leads me to believe…..i THINK what its saying is bla bla bla….. yeah it kinda looks like it might cover this…… uhhhhhhhhhhhhh good question let me ask my level 2 insurance agent that question, i’ll be back in 5-10 minutes…….yes i told him that…..well what he said was, and maybe this makes more sense to you than it does to me hahahahaha…….nope you cant talk to him directly, he’s helping 20 other level 1 agents just like me……how do i know HE knows what hes talking about? jeez i dunno. i dont know what im talking about so thats why i went to him…….nope you cant talk to him, as i say, hes slammed with 20 questions right now. but he said your policy doesnt cover this, so sorry, youre gonna have to go ahead and pay $2000 to fix your own car. nope nothing we can do. nope you cant talk to a level 2. welp you can try to call back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, im just a fookin new guy who doesnt really understand shit sorry. nope you cant speak to my manager, but i will tell them you complained about me and our whole department. i promise i will pass that along.

its cringeworthy, and how do you think it feels to be the level 1 employee in that situaiton? GOD FOOKING AWFUL, I CAN ASSURE YOU. because you WANT to HELP, you want to do your JOB, you want to make people HAPPY, you dont want people getting mad at you because the insurance company is not gonna cover shit, OOPS GOTCHA you got the wrong insurance policy, HAHA GOTCHA! because its a hit and run and the other driver didnt give you his insurance info, nothing we can do, HAHA GOTCHA! although I could never say haha gotcha. i was like damn that sucks i cant believe my company is screwing you like this, but theirs nothing i can do and no one i can transfer you to.

that is why i am VERY hesitant about seeking jobs where dealing with Complex, Complicated, Confusing issues from Customers is a main part of the job.

yep in my 12dah opinion, this is what your insurance policy is saying. i guess maybe you could hire a lawyer for 300 dah to give you a more authoritative explanation? sorry were just the insurance company youre paying for your insurance policy, we dont really know about the policy.

being put regularly in situations where you dont know what you’re doing; you dont feel prepared or trained for this; YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM. “what should I TELL them”?????

yeah i hate that because i dont like feeling like an idiot. “well ok maybe youre not an idiot outside of work….but at work….youre kind of an idiot. you dont know how to DO YOUR JOB.”

fook you phaggot.

simple, straightforward, yes or no customer questions are fine though. they are WELCOME!

but explain why this piece of shit is “WORKING AS INTENDED”? fook that. no i cant explain. because its not cost effective to fix it. ITS NOT A BUG, ITS A FEATURE. ITS WORKING AS INTENDED. yeah but its a piece of shit and clearly the intention SUCKS. fix the INTENTION. nope sorry too expensive cant do it. hhahahaha. so you learn to bullshit them with yep ill make an official suggestion and forward that to product development team, probably wll take at least 2 months to build it in tho, so sorry, im sorryabout that.

and then of course just close the case because We Dont Take Suggestions For Features hahahaha.

i am very ethical. i honestly want to help the customers and to make sure the company is doing the right thing for the customers. in my previous job i didnt really get very many scammers. and the shit was so CONFUSING you couldnt TELL whether somebody was trying to scam or not.

this confusion of not knowing what youre doing for 10 hours a day does not build your confidence. it eats away at your confidence.

so yeah i dont want to even apply for Customer Service for Insurance COmpanies, are you KIDDING?

its the insurance companies JOB to DENY CLAIMS. NOPE SORRY! GOTCHA! cant really explain why but thats what my superior, who you cant talk to, said! my best understanding of his explanation is bla bla bla…..yes i explained what you said, to him…..but you dont trust me because i am clearly not good at explaining or understanding things. ok. let me read you exactly what i typed to him. ok lets you and me craft the perfect sentence, and i will read it back to you word for word, well wait 5 minutes for a response, and i will read back what he said word for word, and together we will try to decipher it, using this indecipherable insurance policy as our guide. this is what your insurance company pays me 13DAH for hahahaha

when really they should be paying 20 DAH for how ridic that job is, but then your insurance would cost even more. and the agent wouldnt necessarily know more, they would just be better compensated for facing the firing squad all day erry day.

an angry customer just wanting an explanation and you are not able to give it to them because YOU dont understand. so you literally have to force yourself to understand as quickly as possible, then explain THAT convincingly as to why you can’t help the customer in this situation.

but muh baby is dying of cancer, what do you mean you cant pay for any of his treatment?

well uhhhh it kinda looks like you went to this one doctors appointment 3 days after the cutoff period, so uhhhh technically the cancer is then a preexisting condition. i think. the policy is confusing innit hahahah so sorry about your kid/mother dying, nothing we can do hahahahahaha

yeah that kind of shit i cant handle. i would go back to stupid technical support before i went into INSURANCE. there you are saying no to people even more. i dunno its hard for me to say no especially when its impossible to understand the companys policies.

when i was young and rebellious i made bad choices. i attached my rebellion to degenerate and nihilistic things: alcohol, MJ, pornography, unfocused hatred and anger against the normies, self pity, feeling like a victim, atheism, anti-religion, leftism, marxism, sjw, and still i didnt really like women!

but it would have been nice to attach to a positive movement like pro white or reaction or far right hahahaha back when i was an EDGY teen hahaha.

well i was nihilistic and degenerate until like age 27 anyway. it took me TOO long to realize how risky mgtow was, it played on all my insecurities with wimminz.

of course wimminz were always a huge issue for me, always on my mind. but i mean reactionaries have a more positive view of women than mgtows do. and the fact is, i NEED women. i dont want to live WITHOUT women. i will ALWAYS WANT women, or be into the idea of a Special Woman to be Wife and mother of children, inparticular.

and even when i have NO women in my life and am essentially living a mgtow life…..im still thinking about women ALL THE TIME.

anyway. note to women. when you have to reject a guy who likes you…….do it nicely. even if he ANNOYS you. is he being blatantly mean to you? or just a big weak coward omega?

just very ridiculous that one of the most important women in my life could just….do something so monstrous. its dissonant. incongruent. its not right that she should be remembered in this way. a decent person who did a horrible hurtful thing.

well its not as bad as CHEATING right? no probably not. and dont plenty of people cheat, and break the heart of their lover, who thought they were a great person? such a decent person! I cant beleive they cheated on me!

what if i met an asian gurl who loved me and was very nice; AND i met a white gurl who had tons of baggage, high number, crazy, but she loved me and was willing to have children with me. both women love me and want to have children with me. one is an asian gurl with very few red flags, and the other is a white gurl with a decent number of red flags. which one do you choose? i would WANT to choose the white gurl becuase i prefer white gurls and i want white children.

ideally you say you choose neither, you find a better white woman.

but what if youre getting old and you severely doubt you’ll find a better white woman, and this is the best white woman you can get?

well i would say, if you’re 50 years old and havent had a child yet, go ahead and knock up the trashy crazy white woman. this is assuming she actually loves you and would be loyal to you. which i guess is a tall order in itself!

basically i worry i wont find a better quality white woman than this one. and i guess on paper, tehnically, That Woman was a step down in quality from the previous woman, who had been with EVEN LESS guys, and had a better family life, good relationship with father, normie as hell, mature communicator.

when i first met That Woman, possibly a part of why i didnt immed fall in luv with her, was because i felt she was a STEP DOWN from the previous woman.

hehehe but eventually i fell in luv with her anyway. cuz she didnt fail the absolutely worst dealbreakers: being a huge slut, or being blatantly insane crazy. plus she was nice as hell to me! that certainly helped win me over. its nice when women are nice to and WANT to HANG OUT with you. then it SUCKS when they start avoiding you and ignoring you hahahaha.

it was the porno for so many years, combined with the lack of contact with women for so many years. i didnt realize how degenerate porno was. i was happy to rebel against religion! but i couldnt see that porno was still degenrate and immoral regardless of religion. also i couldnt possibly view religion as a possibly good thing. i was an edgy atheist.

like i say, i think this edgy atheist nihilism degeneracy might be characteristic of OLDER millennials, while the YOUNGER millennials are actually on a good righteous moral Fashy Path. they are Getting it. they are seeing the example of slightly older failures like me and learning from them. good for the young kids, bad for the old failure virgin neets like us hahahahaha.

i was never dumped/rejected because i did something horribly wrong, like couldnt stop cheating, couldnt stop drinking, because i hurt the person who loved me too much. i was always dumped because they lost interest in me, didnt HAVE interest in me, beause i was too weak, too beta, too needy, too inferior. this definitely sets you up for an inferiority complex!

so then you think eveyrthing you do is needy. you think you are always needy or weak even if youre really not.

for example texting someone 100 times a day is need. texting them less than 5 times a day, probably not. especially if you are taking days off of texting altogether.

wanting to hang out with somebody every day is needy. wanting to hang out with somebody once every few weeks is NOT needy.

also, plain old FEELINGS can be misinterpreted as NEEDINESS by the other person, ESPECIALLY if they dont share the feelings.

well, i PROMISE you, that when THEY had feelings like YOU do, for whoever, that THEY were JUST AS “needy”.

remind them to put the shoe on the other foot. walk a mile in your shoes. really truly actually literally empathize. tell them that. tell them, well, when YOU really liked somebody, how did YOU act? before you accuse me, take a look at yourself, you fookin hypocrite hahahahahahaha.

and then MW had RamZPaul come on RIGHT AFTER jared taylor. hehehe this is almost too much. he could have gotten a full day out of ramzpaul. shit i hope ramz comes back! ramz is really good but his videos are too SHORT and too silly! but i think he is gradually becoming more serious. and its always good to have a LONGER discussion with him. so yeah ramz is getting there.

also jared taylor for only 45 minutes hahahaha. is this REALLY IMPOSING on him SO much hahahaha. is he doing MW such a BIG favor? i mean he is a natural. he clearly LIKES talking to people. and taylor speaking eloquently probably comes EASY to him. this is what he’s GOOD at. its not like me going to my stupid job for 11 hours a day, where it took every ounce of life out of me.

its not needy or controlling or abusive to want the person to not date other people! ask them, look, listen, come on, when YOU really liked someone, did YOU want them fooking other people? HELL NO!!!!!!!

my problem was, ALWAYS was, i got too strong feelings too soon. like if i were making out or having secs with a cute young girl, i would start to get feelings hahahaha.

also i think its NORMAL AND NATURAL to start getting feelings once you start getting physical with a cute young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or even if you dont get physical with them, if you are in proximity with them for a while and start becoming friendly with them. like what happened with Previous Woman. though i still got feelings for her too quick. i had feelings for her before i even first officially hung out with her.

but with That Woman, i hung out with her and actually became friends with her before getting feelings. and this was totally new to me.

so, it was kewl i didnt get feelings for her TOO FAST…..although i still kinda did. when it finally happened, it was 0 to 100. and then i couldnt put the genie back in the bottle.

the real lesson to learn is, how to MATCH/MIRROR your feelings with that the woman has for YOU. in other words, i shouldnt have gotten feelings because she clearly didnt have any for me.

well, at the time, i wasnt so sure on that! there was a time when she was SO nice to me, that i couldnt help but think she might have feelings for me! oh those were the days hahahaha

yep that was a long time ago. once i started getting WEIRD, she stopped being so NICE.

which caused me to be WEIRDER, which caused her to be less and less NICE. when finally she dumped me with no niceness whatsoever.

not really what i needed at this point in my life. what i REALLY needed was to have a nice GF and actually go out with a nice gurl longterm and monog for damn once finally! and i thought i found a great person for that.

but instead it ended in a very bad way. what is the LORD trying to teach me here. is he trying to show me whos the boss? bbbbbut i swear i wanted to have a loving christian one man one woman procreative traditional rel with her! wife her up and make some babies! no joke! i have been a degenerate in the past but why would G-d STILL be PUNISHING me for that? is that just the kind of g-d he is?

this is a holdover from my edgy youth, when i thought of the “scumbag god” who wants to deprive you from all your earthly PLEASURE. which then I supported hedonism and degeneracy and now i understand that god is RIGHT to reject that shit. now my mind is in a much more godly place, i want nondegenerate, traditional, man wife children rels with women, and still failing.

WELL. to be fair. even when i was a degenerate, i had nondegenerate feelings towards the women. i wanted to have more or less traditional, monog, loving, loyal rels with them, even when i was a degen 21 year old. i still wanted to Go Out with them. it wasnt all about degen fooking. it was about having a serious rel.

so yeah in other words i had something good and nondegen and righteous in me right from the beginning.

shit as soon as i became interested in gurls at age 12, i was a huge White Knight, wanted to have a Loving Loyal Rel with a Decent Woman. a real Partnership. With Mutual Luv. no controlling or manipulation. just 2 people luving each other and staying together for a long time.

it might be disney white knight stuff, BUT i also think its good and traditional and nondegen. and i had it from Pre Puberty. so thats a GOOD thing is what im saying, for me not being a degen or nihilist at heart.

anyway. yeah i could have told her sooner. but she could have been nicer to me.

i know women hate omegas and weakness……but she still could have been nicer to me.

i could have acted better…..but just because i messed up didnt mean i deserved to be treated THAT badly.

i made a mistake, but it was not such a hurtful mistake that i deserved to be punished like THAT.

I would never do that to somebody if the roles were reversed.

and i will never understand why she couldnt. even with the  Occams Answers of: Easy Way Out, bad father, chaotic family life, trust issues, possible mother issues.

maybe if i had all those i would do this to somebody hahahaha.

and so i just have to accept that this is it. this is all the closure im gonna get.

shit. if i could ask her WHY? WHYD YOU DO THIS TO ME? even she probably wouldnt be able to answer. she doesnt even know why she did this. again, a combination of the occam answers is most liekly.

or, she would give a bitchy answer like YOU MADE ME DO THIS. which i dont think is right, and which i DEFINITELY dont need to hear.

i really want to know the Dynamic of her major boifran. when i first met her she was very hush hush about him. but she wasnt hush hush about other things. so why him. well because things were on the outs probably. by the time i met her, 1.25 years later, they were done, and i think that last year was just all pretty bad. ok fine. so how was it in the first half? i think he was probably still really stubborn but he also drank a lot hahaha. then he stopped drinking. he probably had his own badboi issues right from the very beginning. but he was not a cheater. well i dont know though. i dont think he was. i met him and he was a good guy, just very stubborn and not a great fit for her, and she def loved him more. honestly i think he was just a full AUTIST and didnt know how to relship hahahaha. thats all. he was a stubborn autist. but a decent guy. but not a great guy for her. he didnt luv her enough. i luved her more than he did hahahaha. but he was such a stubborn autist he prob got comfortable in the rel and had no desire to go out and cheat. he was prob ok just getting drunk and having her being nice and loving to him and doing all the work hahahaha. i cant overstate, how nice it is when women turn on that nice womanly charm and are all nice and warm and loving and supportive to you. i dont get it very often hahahaha. but its VERY nice to get. very addictive.

say i met a nice white gurl like sinead mccarthy hahahaha. but she has big red flags too. flat earth? her troubled youth which i dont know too much about but that it was kinda troubled? i should just listen to that damn interview where she talks about it. perhaps a psych ward, perhaps oppositional defiant disorder. point is, she could be certifiably crazy. and youre not supposed to TRUST crazy.

but were all crazy in a way arent we?

yeah but women are more likely than men to go to shrinks and get diagnosed. usually as BIPOLAR. the even more crazy ones graduate to BORDERLINE.

but shrinks are bullshit right? meds are bullshit.

nonetheless i still think a “bullshit” diagnosis of BIPOLAR and especially BORDERLINE is a red flag.

if that woman went to a shrink, what would they diagnose her as?

basically im saying, couldnt JUST ABOUT EVERY WOMAN get diagnosed as bipolar at least, IF they went to a shrink?

anyway. the job frustration always boils down to, youve gotta give somebody bad news aka you cant help them, you cant do anything for them, because…..some stupid reason that doesnt make sense which you cant even explain to them because it doesnt make sense to you.

there are no articles on the internet on how to deal with this.

what i would do is go home after a long day and then STUDY the shit i didnt understand, until i sorta understood it better. because noone was gonna understand it FOR me.

https     ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4376/is-it-possible-to-leave-autism/4

TRS is good people, right up there with millennial woes for me. they are certainly friendly towards each other.

shit 7th son is gonna be on again tonight. good man.

and red ice again AND wife with a purpose too! i do like her. not sure if she is as crazy as my other waifu sinead mccarthy. although sinead might be hotter hahahahaha. wwap has a weird face but she is not ugly ugly and she has FIVE fooking white children whom she homeschools. FIVE kids. some sinead haters seem to think she is a bandwagon jumper. i dunno. i mean sinead is still in a probationary period for me. ive listened to more wwap and wwap might be getting out of probation pretty soon, she seems to check out.  very glad to see her on MW and hope they will have one on one talks in the new year.

but its great seeing MW transform himself, stepping up to the big leagues before our very eyes. to go from being a 30 year old neet to being a man who is finally getting the respect, recognition, and luv he deserves.

like us he used to be kind of a loser but he overcame. and we are witnessing his big rise to glory right now. it is amazing. he deserves it. i just hope he makes the hangouts more regular, and has these guests on again. TRS, WWAP, greg johnson, it is just glorious. i am thankful.

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=sPIx4x4949511-4120689xs4hj2x4

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=MAQx4x4949511-316468xs4hj2x1

hehehehe my personality and relationship reports

i should try to eat less than 1700 calories a day

shit as we speak MW is doing the Female Edition with WWAP and lana from red ice ie henriks wife.  not bad. someone in the chat said they had invited sinead aka shiksa goddess but she either said no or didnt respond hahahaha.

good god, now ROOSH is in the chat room, this is just ridiculous hahaha. this is the biggest thing i have ever been a part of hahahaha.

anyway the other epiphany i had today was:

IF SHE HAS SECS VERY EASILY, SHE WILL DUMP YOUR ASS AND BREAK YOUR HEART VERY EASILY. She will treat hearts with no more care than c0x. and both should be treated very carefully.

But yeah if she thinks nothing of taking cox, you think she’s gonna care about breaking your heart? so dont fall in luv with sluts. easier said than done though, cuz its POWERFUL when qt young girls show enough interest in you to have secs with you……….and then the interest is gone, becuase they show this interest to EVERY guy, briefly.

so i was glad to find a woman that wasnt Like That.

REVOLVING DOOR OF D / JEKYLL AND HYDE

1112

exaholics member says:

”  13 days of NIC. I blocked him from my phone 13 days ago. I don’t plan on ever unblocking him. I’m certain he hasn’t tried to reach out though. He still can email me and hasn’t. He didn’t respond to my last emails and text 13 days ago. I’m flawed, no one is perfect but Overall I deserve a man that can love me for me though. He always ran away when things got tough. The person I need wouldn’t run, the person I need would be right there working it out with me. I’ve talked to many people I trust that have been heart broken and are now in long healthy relationships with someone else. My love for my ex was real but his love for me was not unconditional. At this point in my life I’m looking for unconditional love and nothing less. I want healthy stable love….. My ex just runs to the woods whenever things aren’t perfect, creates drama, and plays mind games. I’m too good for that now. ”

good for u hahahaha.

anyway sometimes it seems like men are more romantic than women, men are more romantic than women, men are less mercenary than women, men are more idealistic in luv than women, etc. well i dont think its ALWAYS been like that. Traditional Women were romantic and loving!

and certainly women today have those men that they truly LUV, that they just cant get over. so then they end up treating the OTHER men in their life like garbage. the men they are dating and fooking. then THESE men are easily replaced by yet more disposable and replaceable men, the c carousel becomes more of a revolving door of D.

so i say, dont date and fook men while you are still getting over OTHER men! be CELIBATE for a while until you are READY for another man! you might have to go without your beloved sexual release for a few months bitches! hahahaha

funny youd think men are more in need of sexual release, yet men are much more likely than women to go super long periods without S. women bitch and moan if they go two months. a man can go two YEARS NO PROBLEM.

but yeah i need women too much to go full mgtow. which is why i have moved away from mgtow and mra and women women women stuff to more neo reactionary, “tradcon” type stuff. muh millennial woes hahaha. what hardcore mgtow would call white knight stuff hahaha putting sluts on pedestals.

yep i just need women too much. but i am fully aware of the risks involved. im not gonna deny or supress my desire for women. i truly believe its natural as fook for men to want women. no point in AVOIDING and ABANDONING them. just dont get married or have children with a SHITTY one!

hey she dumped ME. if she changes her mind, then the onus is on HER to come to ME with the proverbial tail between the legs. not me coming to her saying change your mind yet? change your mind yet? fook that.

so i was desperate. big deal. if you were in my position youd be desperate too. whats so bad about desperate? youd be desperate too if you hadnt been with a woman in 10 years hahahaha. then you came so close to something good, and it was yanked away from you.

that wasnt entirely her intention, her intention was just to avoid me and not deal with The Problem, but it still feels like a yanking (well after a period of slow gadual withdrawal), and its still a shitty way of her to deal with the problem, even feminists, leftists and marxists agree with us rightist traditionalists, that avoidance is a bad bad way to end a relationship, and Open Confrontation is the best. (imho “confrontation” is a bit harsh a word, i prefer “communication” or “conversation” hahahahaha)

women CAN build up your confidence. she built up my confidence for a while. and now my confidence is in the crapper.

also i kinda need a low self esteem woman because i am not a huge winner. it was nice to have a woman accept me for who i was for damn once. especially when you are like 10 years behind in life hahahaha.

i was at a similar place as her in the grand prix of life, now she has pulled ahead and left me behind hahahaha.

also the average 25 year old woman is way more successful than me. that or they are huge single momz and i have a bias against single momz hahahaha. i kinda want HER to become a single mom soon, if shes not gonna Pick Me hahaha.

because i have to be a winner to pull a decent woman.

so the problem therefore was i came so close to pulling a decent woman, but i couldnt hold on to her because i was a loser at life. faint hearts do not win fair ladies hahahahaha.

so i found it useful to me that she was a debbie downer and not a huge winner in life and lacking good masculine figures, so then she could accept a Loser Male like me! AND it was so hard to find a woman who had kinda “low self esteem” but who WASNT a huge whore!!! cuz that is the most likely expression of low self esteem in women. they slut it up. and she didnt.

its just hard to get over a heartbreak ok! it takes a LONG TIME! its a BIG DEAL!

its a LOT OF PAIN when you get DUMPED, and you wanted the rel to continue; AND you get dumped in the “total avoidance” manner!!!!! and not the open confrontation manner (collins & gillath 2012 hahahahaha i like Sourcing shit when i can)

do the women on fox news really need to wear these Slutty Miniskirts? it looks so unprofessional and slutty!!!! is it because the patriarchs at FNC oppress them? or are they just responding to the Market of Customers who say, we want our Cuckservative news female reporters to wear Slutty Miniskirts???!?!?!?! well shame on those goddam cuckservative customers then for not wanting a Veneer of Credibility and Decency with their news. its not that they are oppressing women, its just that they are degenerate pornified idiots drooling like homer simpson at T&A that they want to see it at all times. weak. pathetic.

“All non-DEA applicants must complete a drug use questionnaire. Applicants who are found, through investigation or personal admission, to have experimented with or used narcotics or dangerous drugs, except those medically prescribed to the applicant, will not be considered for employment with the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). Exceptions to this policy may be made for applicants who admit to limited youthful and experimental use of marijuana. Such applicants may be considered for employment if there is no evidence of regular, confirmed usage, and the full-field background investigation and results of other steps in the process are otherwise favorable. Compliance with this policy is an essential requirement of the position.”   hahahahahahahaha looking into trying to get a job with the DEA and they have a Drug Use thing you have to sign

it hurts to have your heart broken

my heart is broken

i did truly luv her

she could have treated me a lot better

we did have a great rel for a while

but that rel got shitty at the end.

it is very disappointing.

cuz i tell myself, well that decent nice person is STILL SOMEWHERE IN THERE. why cant they bring them back out again???!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

but you could also say that shitty person was always in there, and they didnt bring THAT person out when things were good! but only at the end when things got shitty.

my experience with women is that they have always been JEKYLL AND HYDE. super bipolar like that. JEKYLL AND HYDE. it sucks a lot!

but yeah i KNOW she can be a real good person. why did she STOP being a good person to ME?

because she just couldnt handle me getting feelings for her. that totally rocked her world. in a bad way. she found it threatening. i was the male friend who was SAFE becuase i did NOT want anything more out of her. then that changed, so she hated me.

it was not logical or reasonable for her to HATE me for THAT, but…..thats on her.  but thats the way it is. IT IS WHAT IT IS. its not reasonable, but thats the reality. but thats her emotional problem hahahaha. thats her FAULT hahahahaha.

http://www.city-journal.org/html/10_3_urbanities-all_sex.html

theodore dalrymple writes a very dalrymplian article on “all sex, all the time”, talking about the Moral Consequences of Our Oversexed Sex Obsessed Culture. Great Guy. always passing Moral Judgment on Modern Degenerates. he is a big influence on my man of the year 2015 millennial woes. who himself is probably as good of a straight up WRITER as TD.

took a half dose of nyquil

i was stalking millennial woes and found one of the forums he posted on a few years ago. well i wasnt “STALKING” i was just following links he put there himself, but you have to be a Big Fan to find them buried in there. anyway i think i now how his actual first name but i wont tell anyone! and i will say he is a very very very good writer, much better than I, he actually cares about shit hahahaha. i am more of a nihilist and dont even care abotu writing well any more hahahaha.

1113

had a dream i was sitting in a high school classroom and THAT PERSON was also in the class, a few rows over, and i was always looking and scowling at her, but she just ignored me altogether. i also saw her being really nice and friendly to the black boy sitting behind her hahahaha.

also the same night in a different dream, i ran into The Previous Woman, Woman7, Woman5, woman2012, whatever she is, and she was very happy to see me after not seeing me for some time, and she might have quit her successful job, and she wanted to see me again? the details were fuzzy but i got a good vibe off her, like she was really happy to see me and possibly liked me. i was like ok i can handle this, i’d give her another chance hahahaha.

took me an ETERNITY to shake off the nyquil even though i only had a half dose like normal. like it takes 16 hours at least just to get a half dose out of your system. wtf. might have to cut back to a 1/4 dose hahaha.

so now im a racist because she was nice to black guys in the dream and mean to me hahahaha. no but seriously thats a tragic flaw of her is that she has this great sympathy for blacks that they are such victims of evil white racists, and this is gonna get her killed or having mud babies some day. and i was a bit disgusted that her short term scumbag boifran was a light-skinned black. prob better than a dark-skinned black but still. very disappointing. so i sound like a racist. big deal i openly admit to being a racist! i want to date a white gurl, and it really grinds my gears when white girls reject ME and then get fooked by Black Guys! i dislike being OUTMANNED / outgamed for white women by black men! of course its a sign of a screw loose for a white woman to even WANT to date a black………. but im pretty sure at LEAST 50% if not 75% of white women have been with black or brown men at least once.

its funny, i tend to get along FAMOUSLY with 40+ year old black women, they LOVE me and I get along well with them. but i have no desire to Date a Black Woman, i just dont find them that attractive. i am very comfortable in saying i find women of my own race (white) the most attractive and I dont really want to date anything other than a white woman. of course there was a marxist article out recently which said if you dont like to date interracially, then youre a RACIST. GOOD. i already KNOW im a racist!

i took the half dose of nyquil at like 530 pm then was tired as shit and taking little naps for the next few hours, then wnet to bed around 930, slept pretty good till like 930am, then was still tired as hell until like 1230pm.

ok did a 5 miler

millennial woes talks about his problems with mgtow, namely they are clearly being dishonest about projecting their own issues with women into a their cowardly lifestyle.

and really at the end of the day (hahahahaha) i have probably moved OUT of my mgtow phase and much closer to what MW supports, a NRx or neoreactionary type thing.

also i AM honest about my own issues and dislike and failure with women; and how they certainly shaped my own “faux political” attitudes towards women, and also i am still a huge White Knight because i WILL always desire intimacy with women, and i love the idea of monog rels and loving wives and nuclear families and tradition and such. so yeah i am not a huge mgtow any more.

i actually used to listen to guys like barbarossaaaa and stardusk several years ago. wish i could remember when. maybe 2012? but i grew out of it.

i mean i truly believe not all women are horrible whores; but that those who are are largely victims of Marxist Thought; and feminism is just one part of progressive cultural marxism; and while its insanely frustrating to see Our Women Ruined, its clear that some mgtows/mras haveve Myopia on the Women Issue and fail to see how it fits into the bigger picture, hence all their videos are women women women women women women women. sure muh blog is kinda the same way but thats largely because i am dealing with one speicific woman right now, a very specific heartbreak, it fookin hurts, it is killing me, its hard to deal with and get over, its a struggle.

shit even more degenerate women have treated me better in the way they dumped me. i just have a hard time accepting everything cuz i know she is a better person than that. and that once she did care for me. she told me she did. what reason would a woman have to lie about that to a man???? a man might lie abotu it to a woman cuz he likes fooking her; but a woman can always find a new man to fook her or to luv her. and besides we werent fooking!

this is why i like the idea of being friends before “Dating”. cuz dating just means fookin and fooking complicates EVERYTHING. jsut a bunch of lies to facilitate sexs on the reg. a sexual rel seems less honest than a nonsexual friendship in other words.

but then you run the risk of the classic niceguy friendzone bullshit, like OH IM ENTITLED TO SECS, i view women as MACHINES in which you put in Kindness Coins and then Sexs Falls Out; I had 3 conversations with her and was There for her 2 times, therefore now I am entitled to a BJ. which is the feminist view of Niceguys, which is horrendous. I cant imagine ANY guy would think so retardedly, and I am offended that anyone would think I thought like that. i certainly didnt! i liked her as a person and we were genuinely friends. then the friendship reached its peak, i thought, shes a great person and i really like her. i wonder why im not in love with her.

then she ended with her BF and i thought about it harder and deeper and said hmmm i guess i AM in luv with her. welp i dont want to be one of those friendzone guys, so better confront it head on. and that was the beginning of the end. then things got worse and worse until they ended. the end.

i wasnt putting in kindness coins and expecting sex to fall out of the sex vending machine. jesus christ. i honestly liked her as a person and then at the height of that, my feelings began to change to a different kind. then i started trying to SIGNAL that, and she did not respond well to the signals, and the whole damn thing began falling apart and we stopped hanging out and the tension grew because we didnt talk about it and then it all ended in the worst possible way.

HOW TO STOP GETTING FLUSTERED BY BAD CUSTOMERS ASKING CONFUSING QUESTIONS

you Just Do It hahahaha. i wish i could answer that. I have to pretend i am good at that. sometimes i am, sometimes i am godawful. but just pretend you are a boss at it all the time. i guess determine How IMportant the customer is, how much revenue do they add, how big is the actual problem, then make an educated guess, but say it firmly and make it sound like an Absolutely Conclusive answer. unless your manager is WILLING and HAPPY to take tough questions. then thank THEM, apologize to THEM, and have them Educate you on what THEY said to the asshole, so that you dont have to waste their precious time on that issue again hahahaha.

114

trying to reduce effect of coffee irritating stomach/intestints, by making weaker coffee. down from 8 scoops to 7 scoops now 6 scoops.

how to stop getting confused so easily, so often. i think i get confused even when im not confused. that deep down i understand stuff better than i think i do. just when somebody puts you on the spot for an explanation…..i get nervous, i get flustered, i forget that i do understand shit.

how to stop getting flsutered so easily.

http://www.ourhealth.com/conditions/i-cannot-get-a-diagnosis/confused-frustrated-extreamly-embarrased-and-its-getting-worse

technically smart guy gets confused and flustered easily which makes him look dumb at work, loses respect of everybody there, takes prozac and adderall for ADD but doesnt seem to be helping too much. people on thread suggest anxiety, to thyroid, to BIPOLAR. lately i have been worried i might actually be BIPOLAR, but then i say, no, i’m not MANIC when i get anxious, i’m just SUPER ANXIOUS. anxiety is not mania…….is it?  i could see it def being a possible PART of mania though. some people were convinced he was bipolar.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/other-mental-health-discussion/313659-why-am-i-so-confused-all-time.html

http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/does-anyone-else-get-easily-confused.6732/

they get easily confused and get treated like an idiot. ME/chronic fatigue. not sure what ME is.

Myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME)/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), also known chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS), is a complex and  ..

ok ME is CFS. i thought i had that at one time too since i had no energy and am so lazy!

brain fog, easy for predators to take advantage of you, try to intentionally confuse and scam you

well these CFS people seem to get even MORE confused than i do, but they are also less anxious, less despairing.

so….i worry all the time which leads to anxiety which leads to confusion and stress and confusion and anxiety and worry and all that is exhausting but it also keeps my mind racing but not in a productive way at all, but a confused way, and that plus failing at everything makes me pessimistic and despairing.

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/bipolar-2-disorder

well if anything i would have bipolar 2, which is the next thing after depression hahahaha.

how to stop getting FLUSTERED so easily

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411377

guy gets big last minute projects dumped on him at work that MUST be 100% perfect, no room for .1% mistakes, will always be rememberd by management as huge mistakes. jeez.

find a new line of work buddy. try a call center. if thats too stressful try a restaurant. if thats too stressful try retail or fast food. if thats too stressful try stripping. if thats too stressful try crime hahahahahahahahahahaha.

http://www.vogue.com.au/forums/showthread.php?t=111489

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/5-steps-to-becoming-unflusterable/

let yourself worry for 20 minutes and then say thats enough, i got my 20 minutes in.

had dream last night featuring woman2005b aka woman4. i got a mad crush on her but she didnt like me because i was a drunk fool. i liked her because she was not a slut and kinda virginal and inexperienced and nerdy and introverted and awkward and weird, plus very cute. also she was white and not j00ish so thats good hahahahaha. she might have actually been asexual or a lesbian, dont know, not sure if she knew at that time. anyway in the dream we were kind of cuddling and making out, but not making out in a slutty this is going to lead to secs NOW sort of way, where you are spitting in each others mouths and groping each others crotches. but just gentle innocent tongueless kissing like they did in the more prudent 1950s or some shit, and some G rated cuddling and maybe hand holding. see i like this over that more overtly sexual stuff. which is why i prefer women that are more…..”romantic” than “SEXUAL”.  good lord just SOFTEN the edges a little bit, be a little bit more of a prude, and she was a great prude, and I saw some of that in my former female friend too. that prudishness and Sexual Innocence. i LOVE that. makes me develop real feelings for the woman. i like a woman who takes secs seriously and who isnt giving it away to every tom dick and harry. every chad and tyrone hahahaha.

anyway she was in the prime of youth then and is Now Over 30. holy shit! now she’s OLD! she probably hasnt hit the WALL yet. she’s in good health and probably still looks good and wont hit the WALL until 40, so good for her. she was a hard worker and had a Notable Career in Nonprofits. i always wondered if she ended up riding the Chad Carousel after she started her Career in DC. More than likely! then she’ll hit The Wall sooner.

if she really were a prude she would try to get transferred out of DC into the third world she was so interested in hahaha. maybe she did. maybe she was that weird. good for her. but she could still ride the Chad Carousel there too. but then it would just be weird.

but it was nice to have this dream where i was having fun making out with a woman who WASNT You Know Who. That Person. THAT PERSON.

damn she really ruined my YEAR hahahaha.

shit yeah i would still “take her back” if she came back. (she wont come back hahaha.) i would probably take ANY of the women back, after all these years. well, i would definitely use them as a fook dumpster at the very least, bang them 1000 times at MY convenience, until i got tired of them and totally put the lie to the idea that i could have EVER loved them, because now they were just an old piece of spent fook meat that i was DONE with!!!!! well, half of the women were worth that, the other half were actually decent women, so i could still possibly date them. if they hadnt’ gone and become degenerates themselves in the interim years. which they well could have.

just because a woman hasnt become a degenerate by age 24 doesnt mean she wont Turn Bad after that! it happens!

sure, most degen women will have turned long before that, like by age 20 or 21, but some women last through All Of College without doing the Chad Carousel, but then they START doing so AFTER college, when in Grad/Law Skool, or Career in the Big City.

well at least they have careers and secs lives hahahahaha. they are making something of themselves, being productive members of society, not being lazy loser deadbeats complaining about their anxiety and worries and low self esteem and no confidence and not being able to deal with life hahahahaha

i should take the political compass.org test so you know where i stand politically! i would guess Right Of Center, almost FASCIST. but i tolerate gays. but i dont tolerate open relationships and degeneracy. lets find out lolololol…

https://www.politicalcompass.org/yourpoliticalcompass?ec=-0.63&soc=0.72

holy shit i am almost dead center. but technically a “left authoritarian.” well i could see RIGHT authoritarian or even right libertarian.

i cant explain it to you and i cant understand it for you hahahaha

i was googling what to do when someone wants an explanation, and you cant give it, becuase you dont understand it yourself.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/my-partner-of-6-years-suddenly-left-with-no-explanation-and-has-completely-shut-me-and-my-kids-out-elise/

not related to that really but reminds me of what i went through with THAT PERSON. i didnt even WANT an EXPLANATION from her, I just wanted her to SAY SOMETHING to me and be NICER to me and to say she didnt hate me, she appreciated our time together, but now she wants to end. no explanation needed, just a Compassionate Talk to TRY to lessen hurt feelings.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/26-year-old-virgin/

unrelated, 26 year old virgin. male of course. there are a LOT of these, so dont be ashamed for being a 26 27 or even 30 year old virgin. it seems there are a decent number of 22 year old virgin women, but havent seen many virgin women older than that. oh well. i would GLADLY take a 22 year old virgin hahaha but 22 is too young for me to realistically pull hahaha.

oh god she was 24/25, she was a great age, THAT PERSON, obviously i like younger women because i like innocent, inexperienced, nonslut women, and most women are all whored up by 24, but not her! and when am i ever gonna meet another nonwhore 24 or 25 year old!!!

angelo john gage

What happened to men, women, and relationships?

good straight shooting vidya by a guy who immediately made a good impression on me. he only “awoke” not too long ago but he seems to get it, and talks REAL TALK. warning: he is pro-white hahahaha so if you dont like that, keep having bastard babies with tyrone who look NOTHING like you hahahaha until one of the tyrones eventually beats or gats you to def.

he is a little “too macho new joisey” type guy but I dont mind that much. i mean men should be men. i wish iwere more masculine!!!!!!!! then i might be able to pull gurls like this guy! he says he went through a hedonistic womanizing phase where he was banging a bunch of gurls at the same time, and did not want a committment. of course we can never know that feel, hahaha. but one day he met a Great Decent woman, who made him want to be Loyal, and give up his hedonistic degenerate lifestyle, and proved NAWALT hahaha. he dated her for several years and now they have a white babby he is very proud of.  well good for him. i would love to find a Nurturing White Woman who likes the idear of motherhood, and then make white babies with her. its just hard to make that much money that you need to be a good Husband and Father, what a sick sad world we live in, this is how the Bankster Elites destroy families and enslave the goyim and attempt to turn us all into r-selected muds breeding like rats and having cheap worthless lives.

also looks like he is really controversial on youtube and might be plant or a shill. oh well this vidya is good.

what to say when you cant explain something

yeah i just fooking HATE that THAT PERSON gets to keep doing good at her job, making money, being well liked, while I just totally fell apart and basically threw like $30,000 down the toilet because of a damn woman i never even really Dated hhahahahahaha and im gonna be the hysterical basket case who quits jobs cuz i cant handle stress, and she continues working stressful jobs, handling it, getting promoted, making enough money to live independently, have children, etc, and she might even want to have children some day. i would love to have children someday but i cant even make enough money to support myself, let along children, so i get JEALOUS of people with children. and FORGET finding a decent woman to have children with.

yep wish i never met her. there are actually very few people i wish i never met. because i had to really like them, then really dislike them. i guess “woman3” / woman2005a might be one of them, although i feel much more neutral of her now, 10 years later. but the timing on that was really bad. i was very upset when she “dumped” me from our pseudorel, and it caused a lot of drama, right as i graduated College, and i wonder if i didn’t have that drama, i would have been more mature and responsible about finding a decent Entry Level job right away, when its easier to do so, but instead, i was getting emotional and drinking too mcuh and worried about some dumb woman.

but i was immature anyway and really shouldnt have been at that college to begin with! i was never a great student, so it only makes sense that i was not a great postcollege job seeker.

but im not TOO mad about that. other than she became an intellectual phd even though i was 90000000000000 times smarter than her! now she’s a Well Paid Respected PHD professor and i cant even make 15 DAH! I get dumped by PHD’s, I get dumped by white trash gurls with associates degrees hahahahaha.

ive gotten dumped by cheaters, ive been dumper by babykillers, ive been dumped by bipolars, ive been dumped by eating disorder gurls.

115

http://lifehacker.com/5805406/a-step-by-step-guide-to-getting-better-customer-service?trending_test_d&utm_expid=66866090-62._DVNDEZYQh2S4K00ZSnKcw.4

http://positivesharing.com/2006/07/why-the-customer-is-always-right-results-in-bad-customer-service/

http://news.foodfacts.info/2006/08/mcdonalds-employee-has-mcrules-for-you.html

oh the comments hahahaha

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

http://gizmodo.com/nightmare-stories-of-your-worst-it-jobs-ever-1740606908

shit. these are the types of things i read. my confidence is gone. i didnt really have SUPER bad customers at my last job, nor did i have super bad management or tier 2 support. it could have been a LOT worse. and I was doing pretty well. and in the end it was a WOMAN, not the JOB, which killed me.

second thoughts about quitting? yeah I could probably go back bbbbbut i dont wanna work in a call center wawawawawawawawawawa. the ringing phones, the confusing issues, the nervously trying to bullshit them when you have no idea and you are putting them on hold frantically trying to figure shit out with a foggy mind. it didnt even matter that we had Some Tier 2 Support, and Some Good Managers, and a lot of good people who actually did try to help rather than Dodge Accountability So As To Meet a 20 Minute Average Handle Time. “Handle” meaning just Fob them off and pass the buck and Handle NOTHING.

but with Retail and Food Service, you handle the even worse customers, the joe blows off the street who are psychopath and sociopath that people on the internet complain about and they write books about. just notoriously Bad Customers who will never be satisfied, who LIKE giving poor service workers a hard time. how could you even do that. I ALWAYS think of the person whose job it is to serve me, and appreciate how badly i dont want their job, and the pity and sorrow i feel for THEM, so I am always nice and polite and agreeable.

i can do SOME customer service and I can do it WELL. I just cant do it ALL DAY and i cant do RIDICULOUS shit. unfortunately thats the ENTIRETY of MANY jobs. like i could never be a server. i would quit while working on my first table. i am kinda jealous of people who are good servers and especially those who make a Good Living working in Fine Dining.

heh. i just get too nervous when dealing with hard customers.

google nervous about hard customers / bad customers

and then i get FLUSTERED, and look like an IDIOT, and they want to talk to the MANAGER, then the MANAGER (or whatever higher-up) is mad at ME and wants to force me out of the job hahahaha.

shit. spent the day reading customer service and Bad Customers articles, how to deal with bad customers, then thought shit. got 7.2 miles of walking in. read stupid snagajob.com job search articles where some collegefag got a sweet FT job with benefits at snagajob corporate, and a bunch of horrible unwashing masses commented about how they hadn’t gotten 1 interview in 4 years, i am 62 years old, cant even get a minimum wage retail job, because they cant type hahahahaha. so i dont think this should doom them.

and then went back to my files to look for actual cases, complicated cases, so i can tell stories about them. find complicated cases and then pretend like the caller was angry even if they were not! cuz some of my cases where the caller got frustrated were really stupid cases where nothing got resolved, i had no idea what i was doing in the first month of calls, and they “had to go.” and left before i could resolve or escalate.

also too half dose of nyquil.

 

DRIFTING APART VS THROWN AWAY

915

ooo just missed valentines gay. hopefully by now i am over shit. and you too.

had a dream with the woman where i was getting cuddly with her. that was not necessary. thankfully it was kind of a fuzzy dream and i had other dreams after it to kind of wipe it out.

god damn obsession. hahaha was watching “snapped” again and there was the story of “melissa and jamie” where melissa had bipolar and depression and went nuts on jamie, who then left her, then she went really nuts, harrassing him with calls and texts. im not sure if he ever responded hahahaha. then she confronted him at his job and shot him in the face but he survived, just lost his eye, and she pled guilty to….not attempted murder but aggravated assault or some shit. for the Victim Impact Statement he said how much pain she had caused him, and she just smiled and said “I FORGIVE YOU” rather than showing any remorse for shootng him.

he felt she had betrayed him by shooting him, she felt he had betrayed her by leaving her.

anyway they had a 2 year rel in which they were engaged to be married. she started going gradually crazy, losing her job as a graduate student instructor at the ohio state university where she was doing a masters degree in chemistry. this is a pretty serious skool and probably not easy to get into grad porgrams and also a grad degree from there would guarantee you a nice middle class life. she was on the cusp of big success but lost it because of her mental/emotional problems and bipolar. she apparently got fired from the teaching job because of personal conflicts with people there, inappropriate emails, maybe anger problems. then she had some other jobs but got “fired within a week.”  this is all around the time she supposedly had a miscarriage of triplet babies which nobody can prove actually happened.

anyway she said she JUST WANTED TO TALK to him hahahaha. so stalk him at his workplace and coerce him into talking with a gun. but she said she didnt really want to shoot him, and the “gun went off accidentally”. she realized she technically shot him and she understood shooting people was wrong, so she was not criminally insane. just severely emotionall distured.

basically i was like oh jesus i dont want to be like her. severely emotionally disturbed.

well that happened 2 months after the breakup for her.

oh yeah. the final straw for him leaving her was she threw all his stuff out in a dumpster one day. just threw everything out. kinda like when the women gets mad at the guy and throws all his stuff out on the lawn cuz he cheated. but he didnt cheat, she just went nutz from bipolar.

anyway i feel i was just thrown away. when you reject or dump somebody you can let them down easy, which i would have preferred! or you can scream and argue with them, which i think i would have liked better too; or you can just be thrown away like trash, which is what happened to me. very hard to handle. not the best kind of dumping.

anyway it hurts and it makes you angry.

but you have to take the high road and not do anything stupid.

they obviously dont want to talk to you, so you cant try to Just Talk To Them, then you look crazy and psycho and in the wrong, and OBVIOUSLY she was in the right for not communicating with this psycho, just throwing him away.

so thankfully i did not do that. but by god its been eating away at me and i can totally understand why a person would! you are that desperate for closure. also desperate to get back together with them hahahaha.

there will always be 9000000000000 unanswered questions, but two things are for certain:

  1. she wanted out of the rel with me, she wanted it to be done. over with. period. its over. “i know its over, it never really began, but in muh heart, it was so real!”
  2. she did not want to talk to me AT ALL. ever again. have it be over permanently with no talking.

so thats what we know about her position. dont know if she was angry, scared, annoyed, put upon, nervous, sad, stressed, or what. lets hedge our bets and say she was a complicated mess of negative emotions, of all these things. so was/am i hahaha.

but beyond those two things i dont know a damn thing. but those two things are enough to Communicate to me that no, she really doesnt want to Date me, and No, She really doesnt want to talk to me. ever. so me trying to contact her is stupid and useless. and it will slow down my Recovery hahahah.

but yeah it is incongruous for her to do something so hurtful to me. i expected her to be real gentle with me cuz she had always been a gentle kind person. so to have her be gentle to me, and then be fooking harsh as fook, was a total mindfook.

but people do incongruous things when they are overwhelmed, and in this case she just froze up and shut down regarding me. and it was insanely hard and painful for me.

i dont think she realized how painful this is when you do this to someone!

however it wont help me to contact her and say hey this is hurting me a LOTTTTTTTTTTTT please try to alleviate some of that.

well shit i ALREADY DID, that was a big theme of email4, The Final Email.

it would be devastating to a Confident Alpha Male to be THROWN AWAY by someone you care about, someone you hold in high regard, someone you LOVE, someone you really dont want to be thrown away by. and it was even more devastating to a low confidence man such as myself! its a miracle i didnt K myself!

it hurts to be THROWN AWAY by anybody, even people you dont like, let alone people you LOVE!!!! it is a total mindfook.

maybe it was just infatuation and not “LOVE” but its safe to say i Really Liked Her.

it is the worst way to end a relationship and i vow never to do this anyone.

this was not a case of drifting apart. this was a case of me reaching out and her throwing away.

but yeah when you get thrown away so harshly, you can either think:

  1. what the fook did i do to deserve this? jesus cripes, i must have done something REALLY REALLY EVIL to get punished in this way!
  2. fook that bitch! shes crazy to treat me like this! NO WAY did i do anything so bad so as to deserve THIS! crazy bitch!

i was not perfect, i was pushy and overbearing and weird, BUT i had a legit reason to be overbearing, and its not like i was abusing or stalking her. i was very anxious to commuincate with her abotu something fookin important.

jesus. i just want a damn courtroom trial to objectively assess the evidence of the case and find me Not Guilty of being a Monster who Deserves the punishment i got!

they could say yep he was not super smooth, but he deserved better than this.

it hurts less to get thrown away by someone you dont really care about, but someone you DO really care about? fook its like getting your heart ripped out!

whenever you fook or date or get to know a woman, make that among your List Of Interview Questions: have you ever Thrown Someone Away and never looked back? Did they really deserve it? What did they do to deserve it? does the woman have any second thoughts or regrets about doing that? why doesnt she try to make amends or improve karma? does she think doing this is bad karma? i sure think so hahaha.

so, you can say welp i deserved it, i fooked up, what did i do that was so wrong, and how can i learn from that in the future. well, i dont think i DESERVED this, but i did communicate not so smoothly, and i learned a lesson there abotu being more direct, and more timely, and not to dance around elephants in rooms for months and months, and to ask abotu feelings and rels, and how do you feel about me, and to blurt it out if it starts getting weird.

still the only thing that WARRANTS this is abusing or cheating on them.

OR, you can say well that person is a crazy bitch, why would they do that, they are Just Crazy.

but i cant say that, because i know she’s not Just Crazy, and this is Incongruous with her entire personality. so that makes it that much harder to accept. cuz i know she is better than this. but it happened nonetheless.

what else hahahaha.

i wonder if the people in that true crime story,when the guy moved out of the bipolar gurls house and left her, was there ANY final statement? or was she begging him for closure and him ignoring her? did he say anything to her? of course the fact that he moved out is closure enough you could say, just like her throwing me away is closure enough.

but it would have been good karma if he had given her a final statement like “im sorry but i just cant do this any more. i cannot reconcile our differences. i am done. i am sorry to hurt you. i wish you the best and hope you get help with your bipolar. i do not want to hurt you but i cant do this any more, i am done, im sorry, youre not a horrible person, it’s me not you, youll find somebody better. the end.”

try to feel respect for the human being you are hurting; if not respect, at least god damn pity for the pain they will be feeling. so you cant choose to love them, but you can choose to put them down softly, as opposed to throwing them down the god damn garbage disposal. softly put them down. say im sorry. say i know this is gonna hurt and im sorry for that. its not you its me. there is nothing you can do. so sorry.

ive never even rejected anyone and i know this.

i just thought she would say yikes i shouldnt have done that, i should apologize.

but apologizing would have risks for her because she would have to Open A Dialogue with me, and we would Have To Talk, and i would want to talk and talk and talk and talk and probably try to pressure her to change her mind, and she doesnt want that. ok fine.

well she could just refuse to respond to anything else i sent AFTER that, like write something saying “i wanted to apologize for how i treated you, however i dont want to get with you, and will not respond to anything else you send me, i am sorry for hurting you, this is the end.”

would be a brief way to get that point across.

it doesnt have to be perfect, but please just TRY hahahahaha. i tried good lord and by god i was far from perfect. it was me being so shittily imperfect that annoyed her so much and made her view me as a squirming kafkaesque vermin.

well maybe. i have no proof of that. inconclusive. incomplete information. so i shouldnt infer that. that is part of my problem. that is not being loving kindess to myself! i can just say welp well never know, because incomplete information. we only know

  1. she wants this to end
  2. she doesnt want to talk to me

that is IT. and she is feeling all sorts of “negative emotions” but we’ll never know the breakdown there. does she hate me? scared of me? pity me? overwhelmed by the situation? she might not even hate me but just be Overwhelmed and Done.

why do i care so much about her hating me?

because i dont think my behavior warrants HATING; plus i didnt HATE her, i will never quite HATE her. i am ANGRY at how she treated me but i could never hate her.

hehehehe i sent her an overbearing text to her in early july when she was being weird and cold to me, and i was being weird and desperate to her, i hope you dont hate me lol, and she responded i could never hate you lol.

and of course that means nothing. maybe she doesnt hate me, she just doesnt know how to deal with me. well talk to me pleaze. but she doesnt want to do that either.

welp without that then we cant get anywhere. i think she realizes that. but she doesnt want to get anywhere, she just wants to be done with me. without the inconvenience, awkwardness, and discomfort of actually talking to the person she’s throwing away.

of COURSE its awkward. you are throwing someone away! well, more accurately, you are desperately wanting OUT of something that the other person desperately wants IN.

i dunno it just seems that women are so quick to just GIVE UP on relships, and are never willing to WORK ON things or GIVE THINGS A CHANCE. its always BAIL at the first sign of any difficulty. shits gotta be perfect and fun all the time, or else you just hit the road. dump the person. get a divorce. never work on the issues. never communicate.

hehehe shit later i got the hilarious thought that i would gladly invite her to come with me to my SHRINK so we could talk to my SHRINK about working on Better COmmunication. hahaha. i am the type of guy who would beg his woman to go to COUNSELING and WORK on this, lets save our rel!, when the woman just wants to be DONE with it.

well not all women are like that hahahahahaha.

well i will not email her but by god i wish she would email me and say sorry and lets get together. yes i do want to date you. lets make up. hahahaha.

but yeah. regardless of whether she LIKED me, we HAD some kind of two year relationship, thats a FACT, and you just dont THROW those types of relationships away like this. you make some kind of statement at least. god damn the pain goes on and on and on! it is no surprise people get obsessed and do stupid crazy things!