THE WQ

apr 1

had a not fun dream which featurely That Woman prominently. there was this prostitution section at a mall or something where the hookers had little rooms and you could look at them before signing up. like a brothel or red light district i guess. to my horror i found her in there. being a hooker. she still looked great, except now she had some shitty tattoos on her nice white body where before she had none. i talked to her for a little bit but couldnt bring myself to “hire” her. i came back the next day and was more determined to “hire” her but i guess she wasnt in that day. i talked to one of her Clients who also really liked her, because she was the best fook ever, she did EVERYTHING and was so GIVING and enthusiastic.

i recall one image of her bending over with her beautiful long hair going over her beautiful white skin which was now covered in white trash tattoos and i was like welp those tattoos are a shame, but i still want her. i am not over her.

then i woke up at 5 am and was like welp that sucks. i still want her. i am not over her.

andrew anglin is right. women are like children. i bet if i contacted her NOW with enough confidence and charisma, i could meet up with her and bang her and ideally make her my waifu. i could play this game just right and live with her happily ever after. hopefulyl she doesnt have any shitty tattoos or any damn KIDS, and hasnt been with TOO many black guys in the past 2 years. i bet she still looks good and has nice hair and nice skin and nice legs.

i didnt want to go back to sleep because i felt i would go right back into that dream. but i also kinda wanted to “see her” again. but i knew this would bother me all day. so i laid awake and worried about it for a while and said welp ITS JUST A DREAM, yes it sucks, but it doesnt mean i’m not getting over her, or that i’m not 80% over her, in a few days, i’ll barely remember this, and NO i should NOT contact her, or look her up on the internet. fook no. do NOT do that.

then i got back to sleep pretty well, and no more dreams of her hahaha. thank god.

but yeah. just that lingering thought that if i came at her NOW like a totally super masculine tough guy, i could probably “win” her. and i was tempted to play that act. but i could only play that act for so long and then she would dump me and i would be heartbroken again.

and wa wa wa i will never WANT a woman as much as this again. and this kind of WANTING, yeah its “just” a chemical drug, but it totally effectively bonds people together, makes commitment possible, and ideally you want to MARRY and have CHILDREN with someone you get that chemical for…..and if you dont…..should you have children with them? i mean its clear many people do anyway.

well you can still be a good parent even if you dont like your wife hahahahaha. but your wife has to still be willing not to be a hostile bitch to you, esp in front of the children.

thankfully i got a few more hours of decent sleep and no more dreams about HER, that helped.

heh that darn article. maybe it got me thinking i could “win her back” after all thsi time, if I just came back as a total tough guy, and never let the mask slip. it would be risky, but its a risk worth taking right? i mean she is the last woman i will ever luv right? hahahahaha. what do i have to lose?

now in the light of day i can thankfully see, nope not a good idea. btu right after I woke up from that darn dream, yeah i was tempted. oh i’ll take her back even if she is a literal prostitute.  she has a spell on me.

then i thought it might be good to go to an actual hooker. shit go to a FEW.

yeah it is troubling the thought i should try to contact her, present a totally different face to her, act like i am a total tough guy, that would be a enough to fool her, and maybe i could fake it till i make it long enough for her to become loyal to me.

i mean i’m gonna have to do this with ANY woman ANYWAY, faking it till i make it as a masculine tough guy. not just her. but HER i have actual feelings for, i want to be with! she actually MEANS something to me!

rational response: if ANY young qt gurl is NICE to me and shows Sweet Feminine Warmth and Interest in me, I would very well get feelings for her TOO. basically she was acting in a way that ANY woman can act – sweet and nice and kind and friendly. that wasnt unique to HER. its just a huge TRIPLE WHAMMY to get that from a cute young hwyte gurl who is fairly secsually INNOCENT.  IE, a low-number woman.  and then she continues to be nice to you for a few years and you get to know her and you see she isnt a total destructive degen baby monster.

maybe the dream was just a grim, totally unfunny april fools joke. note: april fools jokes are SUPPOSED to be FUNNY. not morale-destroying hahaha.

sheeeit the mudshark thread on DS forum i replied to and was scared to look at for fear of people calling me a untermensch race traitor phaggot, well i learned i got at least 10 likes on my post, and also the thread was REMOVED so you cant even read it, prob cuz it got too controversial, but i HOPE they didnt attack the principled hwyte man who was trying to teach his mudshark white young female employee a valuable life lesson about not being a dirty mudshark. stop now before its too late. maybe he got attacked for being a WHITE KNIGHT and they MAN SHAMED him hahahaha. which would be bad and worthy of shutting down the thread.

read a book on how to train a very catlike dog. or better yet, how to train a CAT. then you will be able to TRAIN women.

anglin’s women thread is growing and growing. somebody posted the picture of him with his qt blonde GF. her hair his covering her face so she is not doxxed, but clearly she is attractive, and he is looking smug, rightfully so. i am suspicious that she is a trifling thot and dumped him and broke his heart! maybe he didnt TRAIN her well enough, maybe he didnt pick a righteous enough woman, but god damn, i just hate that men have to do 99% of the work and women only 1%, or else the man is a shameful loser. can’t women do 25% of the work? thats all I’m asking.

i dont EXPECT them to do 50% of the work or even 40%. but 25%??? COME ON. YOU CAN DO THAT MUCH. EVEN A 14 Year old gurl could do that much.

the danger here is that i am convincing myself to contact her. i cant come up wiht a good reason NOT to. i have nothign to lose. well, other than i will be devastated when she dumps me again . yeah but that will be my FAULT because women have no FAULT or RESPONSIBILITY ever. they one dump you if you let them get away with it and dont TRAIN them properly.

stupid god damn DREAM making me even THINK contacting HER is a remotely good idea. shit. fook. just wait a couple days and i will be back to “normal.” hehehe.

i say just try to bang women as quickly as possible, and when you do, YOU dump THEM, because you dont want a SLUT who bangs quickly as the mother of your children, you want a decent woman. but by all means bang her 500 times so you get more natural at being physical and confident with women. that can only HELP you in the long run. which is maybe why i need to meet casual sluts from okcupid, or hookers from the erotic review.

shit i desperately WANT another woman to REPLACE her and break this CURSE she has on me, and i worry this will never happen. well then I’ll just be cursed again, is that really any better? YES, because its NOT HER! the memory of HER is like an evil jooish parasite in muh brain! there was more bad than good and I wish I could FORGET IT ALL. even the good. because the GOOD WASNT WURF IT.

there was more bad than good and i wish i could forget the good. there was a decent amount of good though. but a fookton of bad.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/dear-men-who-wish-to-be-allies-to-women-12-things-you-need-to-know/95757

anyway there was a time wheni was having like 3 dreams about HER a week. but the shitty thing about this dream is that it proves i’m not fully over her, and that i could still totally RATIONALIZE the idea of contacting her. i WONT, but.

i mean shit. this was TRVE LUV. OF COURSE it takes a LONG time to get over. AT LEAST 2 YEARS.

BUt yeah i thought she CARED about me more. thats all hahaha. near the end it was like she didnt care at all. when things were good it seemed she CARED about me quite a bit. I don’t mind being Cared About by a Nice Person who I cared about too!

oh well its been over for 2 years and i hate all women nao hahaha its all part of THE PROCESS. TRUST THE PROCESS.  would LUV some MJ though. LUV LUV LUV.

i dont think i would have gotten the Luv Drug Chemical Oxytocins and Vasopressins and Dopamines and Endorphins if That Woman had not been ATTRACTIVE. if she were UGLY, i don’t think anything would have happened. i wish she had jsut been ugly! she had kinda a horse face but any man would have found her attractive, if perhaps “a bit plain.” but then again, a bit plain is my TYPE if there ever was one!!!

a little plain, but not UGLY.

and believe me, many women are on the ugly side of plain!

anyway. right or wrong (probably wrong hahaha) i had deep feelings for her and that was the truth. they were not logical, but they were REAL, and by GOD is it taking FOREVER for them to go away, because that is the reality of these feelings. that’s NORMAL.

it didnt matter that she didnt care about me, all that mattered was that she was young and purty and a halfway decent person and that we knew each other. i mean if i hadn’t KNOWN her for 3 years then she would just be like some random young qt gurl I didnt know.

anyway who cares. just hope i dont have a dream about her tonight.

i mean really this is just normal. normies go through this too. Only its maybe only 60% as painful hahaha. what do they do? they DRINK and bang SLUTS. i cant really do either of those.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/mudshark-and-retard-trolling-with-ya-main-goy-heilkek88/95052/16

this has the potential to get really good, the kid doesnt seem too sharp but he has some balls ahahaha. anyway you can just ask these sluts how many partners they have had. the 20 year old gurl said 4.

thats really not TOO bad!!!!! I mean I normally would allow a max of 2 by 20 for a marriageable gurl but a fat slut on POF, 4 by 20, damn I would have thought 8 to 10 by 20 at LEAST!

chris cantwell is doing a livestream in blackface pretending to be a black guy. his stock is going up in my market hahahaha. i guess he was banned from doing streams on youtube so now he is on this thing called ustream. looks like varg is going from youtube to this thing called vidme. hope that works out for him, i mean he’s entitled to make money from his vidyas, no reason not to!

sent a 5 dollar dnation to DAILY STORMER because i donate to him once every 3 months and apr 1 is the start of another 3 months.

there is like 4600 dollars in his wallet right now. hopefully that will keep DS going for a few more months hahahaha.

apr 2

no dreams about that woman last night thank GOD.

sunday. nice sunny day. went for powerwalk at 11am, try to go for another.  weird irritated and congested feeling in throat which not sure if “allergies” to possible pollen from the Coming Spring, or if it is a Wirus of some sort.

Doing Just Sunday Things namely charging everything that can be charged; triming beard down to level 2.

if you slap a woman open handed in the face like sean connery or steve mcqueen in the movies, that’s probably ok. but to fully beat the shit out of a woman, thats probably never ok ahahha. no closed hand, no prolonged beatings. just one light slap on the face, open hand. it’s more SYMBOLIC than anything. you arent trying to physically hurt her. again, I am much much more comfortable with spanking. there you dont have to be so gentle. you can make it hurt a little. how much long term damage is a spanking going to cause anyway. now i’m not talking about WHIPPING them with a cane or bullwhip with 20 severe lashes that would break the skin like the black slaves in the movies have horrible scars on their backs. I’m just talking about 10 good smacks with your open hand.

i fully intend to do this and I fully expect it to work WONDERS. if i could have spanked that woman it would have worked wonders. but we never even hung out. getting in a room alone with her for 5 minutes was too much to ask.

also you should never ever do any spanking or slapping in public. that is some negro bullshit. i mean unfortuantely there ARE white trash men who BEAT and ABUSE their women, and unfort these women are too fooked up to leave these men, because they dont realize all they really need is a spanking, not having their head smashed against the wall. god damn. you think sean connery or steve mcqueen did that shit hahaha. nope. the thought should HORRIFY you as it does me. just one mild slap on the face to cool her off when she is starting to get hysterical. its easier to do quickly and tactically than a spanking, which is a long formal procedure and ritual. very time intensive. slap first, spank later.

also if i had slapped that woman i dont think it would have helped. dont slap a woman until you have fooked her at least 10 times hahahaha.

maybe practice slapping her in the face while you are spanking her, if, like me, you are much more comfortable with the idea of spanking than slapping. i mean slapping just seems much closer to “ABUSE.” it’s really NOT if done the right way: just one time, open hand, not super hard, again, it’s a SYMBOLIC gesture.

but would it have really ever helped me? well i might have been able to spank the sluts from 12-13 years ago because they let me get Physical with them. but still it was damn near impossible to hang out with them, spend time with them. i spent barely any time with them, barely got to know them at all before i was dumped hahaha. so basically no, spanking or slapping wouldnt have been the magic bullet there, because i didnt even know them LONG enough to get AWAY with spanking them!

The Female Question. The Women Question. it is god damn important and a good gateway into 1433. better that it leads to 1433 than to mgtow! which it easily can!

basically even by traditional patriarchial 1433 standards, i’ve never “known” a women well enough to be able to slap her hahaha.

well i guess you would be more entitled to spank than slap a woman you were just “casually dating.” just start off incorporating it into the degen casual secs. then once she likes you enough to hang out with you once a week you can slowly start Sl4pping her if she mouths off hahahaha.

i am not advocating VIOLENCE, the slapping is NOT VIOLENT.

spanking is a great idea….but it never would have helped me! damn!

basically i am just needily begging to hang out until i get dumped hahahaha. meaning they dont want to hang out any more ever again hahaha.

so how the hell do you make women want to hang out with you? BE MASCULINE. BE TOUGH. BE A MAN. at least FAKE being a man, that’s good enough for Most Women anyway hahahaha. maybe focus on asian or black girls hahahahahahaha no i kid. dont do that.

but yeah spanking is great and i would luv to get a chance to use it, but you cant just use it on casual broads. i mean you got to have enough skill to pull a woman in the first place.

but yeah. you need something else to keep you STRONG than some loving waifu at home to cuddle you and build you up. if she is your Rock, then she is gonna LEAVE you because you are WEAK. dont show her that weak side. better for you to find some private spot and cry like a bitch alone. or maybe run home and cry to your mama. literally! crying in front of your male friends is not recommended. maybe your female friends? hahahahaha. if they are totally ugly in every way, maybe. how about a shrink, or better yet, a PRIEST.

heh there is a guy on DS who makes AA look like a white knight woman lover hahahaha. he is complaining about the “feminist mods” and pretty much asking to get banned. i guess they DO ban people from DS and also remove threads. they delete threads pretty regularly. why not just lock them? probably because there is some suggestion of violence and that ruins the whole thread. how about just delete those posts and lock the thread? because i guarantee some of those threads were decent. some of muh favorite threads eventually got deleted.

so yeah i guess if you are having tough times and feel stressed and weak…..DONT LET YOUR WOMAN SEE YOUR WEAKNESS OR SHE WILL LEAVE YOU. go cry to your:

  1. mother
  2. priest
  3. pay a shrink to listen to you cry
  4. find a private place and cry into a Teddy Bear ahahahahahahaha i’m not even joking.

whats the difference between a woman and a teddy bear? you can cry to a teddy bear and it wont LEAVE YOU hahahahahahaha.

then go lift some weights and only go back to your woman when you are prepared to put on your tough guy face and fook her hard.

i wish the women had more tolerance for weakness, but they JUST DONT, so ADAPT or GET DUMPED. There are other people and things you can show your weakness towards.

traditional catholics say that Adoration/Exposition of the Host is a magic bullet for them. that it turns lukewarm pvssies into crusading warriors for christ. basically getting up and going to church at 6 am before your Job and kneeling in front of the Host.  mother teresa said that if everybody did this for an hour a week it would end abortion.

yeah but this could be a self selection thing.  i mean lukewarm religious people arent going to go to church at 6 am to kneel and pray silently for an hour when its not even an official mass. i dunno.

now many people say that we should outlaw abortion for whites and keep it legal for blacks and nonwhites.

now in the US getting any kind of anti abortion law  would be YUGE and i dont think you could distinguish on race. in other words, i think a wholesale ban on all abortions for all races would be worth it ultimately just for the cultural anti-feminist change it would produce. that benefit would be worth all the nonwhite babies hahahaha. also i think they would find a way to do black market abortions anyway.

also have a few high profile cases where a woman who gets an abortion is convicted for MURDER.

basically reestablish the ideal that All Life Is Sacred and Worth Defending. this would make casual secs casual no more.  make people treat the secs act much more with the reverence befitting what it is: the process that creates new human life. the end.

or, as Anglin said “abortion is the crown jewel for feminism” or something similar. it basically is. take away abortion and you’ve taken away like 60% of feminism at least. the majority of feminism. jooish feminism. so yeah. i would take that gamble. ban abortion for all races. even though nonwhites proportionally get WAY more abortions. just HAVING it be LEGAL is VERY damaging to the MIND and SOUL of hwytes. knowing that its EVEN LEGAL is too damn much.

april 3

this guy puts it nicely QUOTE: ” It doesn’t matter, but probably. Our women need to be mercilessly shamed for merely being alone with them. Publishing it, broadcasting it, is just the same principle as f00king one, humiliating us. They know we can’t stand it. It’s why they do it. “Look, boys, this guy has a place in my social circle. He’s fly, he cool, he has my acceptance, where are you?” It’s how I look at it, now. ” END

from http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/anti-feminist-conservative-lauren-southern-bangs-based-black-conservative/96264/26

it implicitly says, you’re not cool enough to hang out with me, but this black guy is.

and this is probably a talented tenth, trump hat wearing, maga black guy! you STILL dont want them with qt white wimmin!

there is an argument that lauren southern is part J tho. i would not be shocked hahahaha.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/how-can-we-best-keep-our-daughters-and-our-sisters-from-engaging-in-miscegenation/96344

hope this one doesnt get deleted hahaha

i mean you shouldnt have to teach it, but i guess horny young teens. when i was 18 i would have banged an 18 year old nonwhite probably haha. joos and some indians can sometimes be bangable when they are 18 year old gurls hahaha. so if were a Horned Up white gurl wanting to get fooked by secsy BBC tyrone, well i would hope my father would Chain Me Up hahahaha.

i dont fookin know, i havent talked to a woman under 50 in 2 years, hahahahahahahaha. not even joking.

ok i am joking, i think i said good morning to a 35 year old woman recently.

but yeah i barely interact with women under 30, so i forget how easy they are to get all RUSTLED about.

like i say, if That Woman hadnt been YOUNG and GOOD LOOKING, I NEVER would have got feelz for her.

and then if the woman is NICE to you, GAME FOOKING OVER. GUARANTEED that you will fall in hopeless luv with her.

the end. next chapter.

it was INEVITABLE! the only SURPRISING thing is why I didnt happen SOONER. because I RESPECTED the boundaries of her relship with her original whyte boifran. which was right and proper and i don’t regret being whyte like that. her making ANY kind of new male friends WITHOUT breaking up with the boifran showed TERRIBLE JUDGMENT on her part. a good father would have said dont do that shit, thats some n3gr0 bullshit. slippery slope to being a dirty cheater or abortionist or mudshark.

maybe i should THANK the first gurl I knew who mudsharked because her mudsharking was probably a Racial Redpill for me! in other words, i might have not been so vehemently, viscerally against interracial fooking, until i EXPERIENCED the ugly side of it, simply by seeing a slut i sorta fancied, fooking a black guy! and seeing pictures of her smiling face next to him.

and then i was like FOOK THIS. there is NOTHING good about this. inter racial fooking is BAD.

and i CERTAINLY didnt need to go through that TWICE. and boy was the second time a million times worse! cuz i cared for the woman so much more, we were closer, it felt all the more insulting and disgusting to me. shit I already KNEW mudsharking was disgusting, i didnt need to see THIS! good lord I must have been HITLER in a previous life hahahaha.

i’ll bet half of white guys have never experienced a white girl rejecting them and then openly getting with a black guy. because if they HAD, then more guys would be RACIST hahahahaha.

but yeah. THAT WOMAN being a mudshark was just karmically CRUEL to me hahahaha. i already KNEW mudsharking was disgusting, and it didnt take a woman I cared a hella LOT about to teach me that lesson. when That Woman did it, it was just HEARTBREAKING.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/why-women-destroy-civilizations/3837/

nice quote from goy on that thread QUOTE ” The above quote from the video is why I stopped trying to understand how White women could be attracted to black men. They aren’t! They’re attracted to the rebellious, alpha male, image of black men that has been manufactured by J00ish media moguls. If White guys were portrayed in the same way, they would be considered just as desirable by these gullible, idiotic women who are glued to TV and Netflix.  ” END

NEVER FORGET. yeah i know this is all old, in response to black pigeons influential video from around that time.  although i guess it doesnt name the J at all. which is a bit naive and stupid. if you forget or dont know the J is behind this, then you just become a mgtow mra phagg0t.

i mean shit. women arent SMART enough to COORDINATE all this shit.

hmm there used to be a pretty good smart reasonable woman on DS. i think she left because the place became too unreasonable woman-hating hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

yeah yeah so i hate women because I am not a real man. but I am NOT a real, full man. so yes i DO admit that contributes to SOME of my woman-hate. BUT NOT ALL OF IT. another part of it is da J’s, and another part is the women themselves.

oh well almost 8 o clock bedtime hahaha.

april 4

i just dont know. its real easy to get cognitive distortions about women. you hear about one woman and you think ALL WOMEN are that bad. women are bad, dont get me wrong, but they might not be THAT bad.

for example, ask a gurl if she dates outside her race, perfectly valid question, because you shun and shame mudsharks. woman responds: IM NOT RACIST, but I just dont date black guys. Im not racist though.

don’t sperg out over her saying shes “not racist.” thats not important. NO WOMAN IS gonna say she IS racist, no normie PERSON would say this! only the top 10% of red pilled, JQ people would admit to being racist as being a GOOD thing, so dont EXPECT it out of people.

getting a woman to ADMIT that she has a PREFERENCE to NEVER date black guys, that is HUGE. might as well marry that woman.

now Dive Deeper hahaha. ask clarifying quetsions:

  1. have you EVER been with a black guy, and that’s where you’re getting that?
  2. so you’re saying you WOULD date like arabs and mexicans? what about a needle dicked little chinee man hahahalol rorororor!

in other words, most women say theyre not racist, THINK they are not racist, but they still Just Wont Date Black Guys, never have, never will, and this is fookin AWESOME.

just make sure that extends to arab guys too. i would THINK most women who disappear to dubai for a week for 50 grand to get SHIT ON, KINDA LOOK LIKE STRIPPER WHORES and NOT qt gurls next door.

there was that one female poster gafarlichtesmadchen or something like that who was pretty good and not just Good For A Woman, but an actual qualityposter. i think she was disgusted by DS’s anti-woman tone tho hahaha. sad! well i think AA is a lot like me in that he can work himself into a real anti-woman lather. i do the same thing. and then i need to tell myself, women arent really THAT bad, and THEN convince myself im not cucking or “white knighting.”

ok got some Robotussin here, i wanted something without acetominophen. i guess i could drink the whole bottle here and got Robotripping hahahaha. i mean its because i have a cough and kinda sore throat and coughing and congesting and otherwise would be taking 90000000 cough drops.

so thats a great point. you can ask the woman during your first volley of questions, do you date outside your race, and how many guys have you been with, and sometimes they will tell you flat out. im 20 years old and i have been with (fooked) 4 guys. not ideal, but better than expected!

TRIGGER WARNING HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i also like how the woman is a fat slob with a terrible shape and rolls of fat

who the hell makes something like this.

i would agree something this degenerate takes a ton of communication, but how many of these stupid women really communicate about it properly, oh the surplus of willingly cucked husbands who are like please communicate with me baybee about our cuck threesome and shes like no im just gonna fook this manly man

i wonder if she ever uses her lack of communication as part of the power thing. like fook NO im not gonna communicate with YOU you pathetic CUCK! ill just let chad fook me hard tho!

and the cuck puts up with it because hes that desperate hahahaha.

in a sick way, all of this DOES make SENSE.

but the main thing is that you get PLEASURE out of being HUMILIATED. i mean its basic masochism 101. and i cant think of anything more jooish. well actually masochism is very huhwhyte, to flagellate and sacrifice and hurt and K and self destruct yourself? while being a sadistic monster is pretty jooish. torture porn and all taht.

heh. cucked for a manlier man by a fat potato shaped slob. good job joe hahaha.

heh. if a woman is willing to do all the WORK of accomodating the Laborious Communication needed to “respectfully maintain boundaries and acknowledge humanity” in a Cuck Rel…….she should use that energy into remaining LOYAL to her ONE man.

obviously im misunderstanding something hahahaha.

no i am not at all. its not hard to understand. either you think a cuck fetish is reasonable, or you are like me and you think its

ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE.

NO i dont think this is MOST women. this is like 5% of women at most. those that are both super degenerate and super edj00cated. readers of everydayfeminism dot com, huffbo, buzzfeed, salon, slate, joo york magazine, vice. chapo trap house hahahahahaha.

terrible leftist shitswine. they already suck a lot of dicks. the least they could do, while they are sucking so many dicks all the time, is to suck ours.

i mean all these young women are constantly FOOKING all the time having SO MUCH SECS, it means NOTHING to them, they might as WELL set aside 5 MINUTES A MONTH to give some up to an omega neet hahahahahahaha

woops im doing it again hahaha

plus im getting downright communistic about it. doling handouts to parasites.

i am wondering if Cottage Cheese might be a bit of a miracle food. of course get the richest kind you can. like 4% or 6%.

full of protein and not a ton of calories. way better tasting than shitty YOGURT. yogurt is gay af. gayer than a feminized western male hahaha.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father_Brown_(2013_TV_series)

I am watching this TV show currently and I am struggling to find anything disgustingly jooish about it. it is a fun mystery show with a catholic priest as the main detective. based on stories by the famous catholic convert gk chesterton, who was probably a decent moral goy and didnt cuck to the joo too much. that would be disappointing.

there’s probably joos involved in this show and probably the religious aspect is toned down from the books. but the actor and the character are very likeable and the mysteries pretty gripping, decent writing, beautiful location in the english countryside. remove the urbanite hahaha.

i have seen like 14 episodes of this show and cant find anything to not recommend it. watch it to relax with your waifu. good clean fun. i dont think the actor who plays father brown is a joo.

surprisingly non pozzed for something to come out of Current Year BBC TV. damn.

honestly I can’t find anything degenerate about it. this from the guy who stopped watching tv and movies because they were too JOOISH.

i mean its not religious ENOUGH for being about a damn PRIEST but really. it is not bad at all.

sheeeeeeeeeit there is a man dressing in damn drag for like 20 minutes on episode 2 though. wtf. sad! i think there is a story reason for this though, like he is in a play. i havent been paying attention, reading daily stormer and typing about racewar and degeneracy and jooish lies and mudsharks hahahaha while waiting for a degenerate poker table to open up.

honestly ive seen at least 15 episodes and thi s is the most degen thing ive seen so far.

ok i think there is a plot element here. its a fugitive dressing as a woman in order to hide.

 

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ITS LESS PAINFUL TO HATE WOMEN THAN TO STILL WANT THAT WOMAN

aug 1

shit i was so triggered by that stupid xkcd friends comic that i lost sleep thinking i was that guy with her, and thats why she hates me, and i am a horrible person who did a horrible thing. a dishonest liar coward.

and if im defending myself, then its probably because i see myself in the character no?

well lemme state that i agree that nice guys tm as they are presented are shitty and horrible and anybody who REALLY does this should feel ashamed. but i just dont thing these things happen this way!

these nice guy haters NEVER address the questions of: how can you hide your feelings so well for so long?

even though it IS the responsibility of the person with feeligns to express those feelings, why cant the woman say, something feels WEIRD here, it feels like you are starting to get feelings for me. why doesnt that ever happen?

because usually EVERYONE CAN TELL the guy is in luv with the gurl. his friends know, everyone knows, why doesnt the WOMAN have even the LEAST suspicion?

does the guy deny to himself and to everyone that he has feelings for her?

whats wrong about a friendship that grows into something deeper? what if youre still getting over someone else? what if you dont like fooking people right away?

why does the woman have to date SO MANY GUYS and Fook them? why is she such a damn slut with a revolving door of badbois? She has SOME responsibility for PICKING these “jerks.”

i wanted a damn attorney to argue my case that I was NOT a NICEGUYtm.

  1. i wasnt trying to HIDE shit. I was TRYING to talk about it and get it out in the open.
  2. i wasnt “settling” for friendship as a “consolation prize.”
  3. my feelings CHANGED in the MIDDLE of the friendship.
  4. i wanted her to STAY with her “jerk” original BF. I didnt think he was a jerk per se and I encouraged her to make an EFFORT with him.
  5. i CHANGED entirely once I began liking her and she totally noticed the difference in my behavior and thought it was weird.
  6.  i DID respect her.
  7.  i DID value the friendship. but i was willing to sacrifice it all for the TRUTH to come out.

anyway i AGREE with the author that being That Guy is WRONG, but i dont think theres so many nerdy men out there doing this.

when you get FEELINGS for someone, its an IMPORTANT thing, its not like some woman fooking 9000 badboys. you have REAL feelings, and you get nervous, and confused, and scared, and mentally and emotionally compromised. you dont make the best decisions about how to handle things.

like getting nervous at a job interview like i have tomorrow and thursday hahaha. you dont say things super confidently like trumpenfuhrer.

heh. the author of xkcd is younger than me. not that i am YOUNG! but i used to be young. in skool, i was used to being the youngest one in my class.

also, he was a successful nerd who went on to have a GREAT career, and have GFs, and write a comic that thousands of people liked and allowed him to quit his GREAT NASA scientist job. why would you quit that?

so yeah i hate thinking i was LIKE THAT.  I KNOW being like that is WRONG. I never WANT to be like that. but I did act so well either. I SCARED ok? its not EASY to blurt out to somebody that you luv them! so i tried to figure out other ways of doing it! and that wasted a lot of time.

but she could have hung out with me once, like the xkcd gurl HUNG OUT with the cueball guy. she wasnt avoiding him like the plague because she thought he liked her hahaha.

also he stops being a bad niceguy the second she consents to a relationship with him! nobody ever points this out!

oh but he was manipulating her in a moment of weakness and loneliness.

well shit, arent our whole LIVES moments of weakness and loneliness????

i was lonely but that doesnt mean i settled for her out of loneliness!

and why didnt she just dump him like 2 days after they fooked and said yeah i was drunk, we shouldnt do this?

the woman gets into a new relationship every month, the man hasnt been in a rel in 10 years. of COURSE he’s gonna be rusty and AWKWARD and nervous and be the antithesis of SMOOTH!

dont accuse someone of lying and scheming and deceiving when really they are just awkward and scared to say “i like u”. cant you tell from the way they act around you that they like you? them texting you all the time with smileys and hearts and them wanting to hang out and buy you dinner and walk in the park and all that?

don’t these niceguys do that?

how are these niceguys hiding their feelings? or are the women just that bad at reading obvious signals? i don’t doubt that either.  like we said before, women are notoriously bad at relationships and communication. just godawful at these things. if relships were a meritocracy for women, the species would go extinct. because they are all incompetent at the WORK and ACTION that needs to be done to build and maintain relationships. you do all the work for them cuz you cant make babies without them. but they dont know that hahaha. they dont know ANYTHING hahaha.

i wasnt perfect, i made some mistakes, but i was NOT a niceguytm like that comic portrays!

it hits close to home because i have stuff in common with niceguytms and worry that i might be confused for one. well im not, and i will be the first to tell you i hate women and i am not a nice guy hahahaha. just a hateful woman hater. i dont LIKE it, but they just give me SO MUCH to HATE hahahahaha. stop being so god damn hatable! Be Better! Do Better!

and i especially hate thinking that SHE thought I was like that! but i dont know for sure if she thought that.

had 2 more recruiters call me today. i think its MONSTER. every time you upload a new resume, it automatically gets set to public. i uploaded one a few days ago. i guess i forgot about that.

i mean i wouldnt want to be a recruiter either. calling 40 people a day. how can you even juggle that many people? i just cant juggle that many people. but i guess you’re SUPPOSED to if you want a job. and you have to have a job. no wonder women can JUGGLE SO MANY men. you just have SUPER shallow “relships” with them all.

SUPER shallow. quantity not quality. r not K.

yes i care what people think about me. not all people, but the people i care about. i care if they have the completely wrong idea about me and think i am a horrible person when im really just a coward who desperately wants to not be a horrible person!

im trying so hard not to be a horrible person, its just SO HARD hahahahahahahahaha.

hooray 100 jobs in 1 month. well, 1 month and 1 day.

i just get ANGRY looking at these jobs and thinking should i apply, could i handle this, how stupid is this, and then think of HER making good money, moving forward, staying TOUGH, and i am way smarter than her, and I have THREE times the college she does hahahaha, and EIGHT years older than her, yet she is doing SO much better at life than me, and i am having SUCH a hard time doing the BARE MINIMUM.

welp see the dr next week, will ax them to bump me up from 40 mg citalopram to im guessing 60. i dunno. that would be my guess. not like anybody knows what they are doing anyway. so give me a huge xanax prescription, a huge painkiller prescription, also a MJ prescription, etc.  thats what i think you should do doc.

but maybe there will be a cute 22 year old medical skool gurl there hahahaha. and ill be like did you i graduated from BLA BLA and she will say oooo i wish i could have gone there and Ill say yep its a great school innit, well i still became a huge failure and i wish i could be as successful and normie as you, a 22 year old med student hahahaha. i mean you got accepted to med skool, thats a big deal. i had already crashed and burned by that age. i peaked in high school hahahaha. looks like youre peaking in med skool. good for you. want to go for coffee in an elevator hahahahaha and talk about how science is awesome and how women should be polyandrous hahahaha and may I Prep Milady’s Bull pl0x?

so applying to jobs and thinking of her sneering down on me….she’s NOT REALLY DOING THAT. but she prob IS more successful than me and just moved WAY ahead of me in the Game of Life. but she doesnt care enough to sneer at ME. i wish she did hahahaha

but yeah point is, i shouldnt even think of HER while doing jobsearch, but i DO, possibly because i am a masochist.

ok applied to 5 jobs today AND printed out my interview stuff for tomorrow. prob wont apply to anything tomorrow, or maybe 1.  and then have the awkward social situation tomorrow night with the drunk team member. he didnt show up last week so we dodged a bullet. he never NOT shows up, so that was a first. so he is bound to come back soon. and we will have to deal with the situation.

i hate EXPLAINING things to people because most of the time I dont understand whats going on. it is SO HARD for me to UNDERSTAND new stuff QUICKLY. i can use flashcards to memorize it quickly but it still doesnt make any SENSE.  and thats where the bullshitting comes in.

so i dont even grade the postings any more, i just say APPLY, APPLLYYYYYYY for the really good ones, or maybe for the meh ones. thats all there is, because thats all that matters.

i really should LIFT, or i really should do some kind of sprinting or high intensity thing with my powerwalks. that was the one good thing about the Fatclub, well besides staring at indecently dressed sluts, that I got pretty good at Jogging. now i dont jog any more.

EXPLANATIONS ARE FOR THE WEAK.

saying just tell me what to do and i’ll do it pleasssseeeee is for the WEAK.

ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE.

WEED OUT THE WEAK.

MIGHT MAKES RIGHT.

now excuse me while I listen to James Read War Metal hahahahaha

i mean i do basically agree with all that. being weak hasn’t gotten me anywhere in life.

i basically hate all NORMIES like HER who arent in the middle of this grueling, humiliating, terrifying job search process. where every day you feel like a worthless, incompetent, subhuman, subminimum piece of shit retard loser neet. ohhhh and shesss such a bigggg winnnneerrrrrr.

no, she doesnt even CARE. she FORGOT about me long ago, has new friends now.

and i dont. i am not super close with my weekly event friends but im not sure i really WANT to be. i mean we dont have too much in common. they are nice people and we get along but i dont feel a super close connection with them.

maybe i should look on the social anxiety forum for how they deal with angry customers demanding explanations for things you dont understand, but you cant transfer them, so you have be cool under pressure and bullshit your way out of it. cuz really the ANXIETY is what kills you in these situation. not the despair. but the anxiety is the big problem there at that time.

there is another stupid xkcd comic called “rejection” which shames guys who get mad when they get rejected. because you’re supposed to be HAPPY about being REJECTED. good god. how does this guy live with himself. because he’s got a good job and makes a lot of money and somehow is better with the ladeez than me. i dunno. maybe he has an open relationship or cucking fetish. would explain a lot. i mean what kind of MAN is a FEMINIST. thats what he comes off as. a feminist male. and i guess the feminists give him enough action to keep him a servile feminist.

did nice 5 mile powerwalk

that feel when you feel like you just cant DO shit, you cant DO a job. your customers call you asking you to do something for them, and you dont know how to do it, and you look like an incompetent idiot who is not qualified for your job.

like for example this job interview tomorrow. i dont know shit about security systems. cameras and alarms. but that shit is gonna be in my purview. people could get away with crimes if i dont know what im doing. say i see somebody getting K’d on a surveillance camera. or rather, the camera went out, i neglected to fix it because i didn’t know how, and during that time, someone got K’d in view of that broken camera, where if i had fixed it, there would be a good chance of Identifying the Suspect or something.

but OOPS i fooked up and this guy gets off scott free and a poor white gurl is dead.

not that this is a high crime area. but there is the occasional groping or assault or theft by a nonwhite.

also the job starts at 40k. are you kidding me? i am only asking for 26k hahahaha. but i wont tell them that.

well i found their knowlege base, it only has like 15 articles in it hahaha.

well i mean shit if they want to hire me, they’ll hire me, in fact the odds are against me. MAYBE they want me for the midnight shift. i mean shit that is when all the people do crime, at like 3 or 4 in the morning.

i just wanted to BE HEARD. if youre gonna punish me, give me a chance to explain myself before the court.

that xkcd friends comic needs like a sequel or an update or a few more chapters to fill out the story.

and who exactly is cueball and who exactly is this woman in the larger universe of the comic? i mean maybe this cueball guy really truly is a little bitch. its hard to tell ANYTHING from this one comic.

notice cueball is not showing a lot of internal conflict. this does reflect poorly on him. when my feelings started, i had HELLA internal conflict, because i wanted to tell her. i wanted to show her. i tried showing her because i was too scared to blurt out “i like u nao” and the tension and conflict rose and rose until it exploded. none of this happens in the cueball situation. in fact, she is hanging out with him, sitting on the couch next to him, drinking. COME ON.

and hows he supposed to know she did that because of a moment of weakness? ESPECIALLY if she continues dating him? that just doesnt happen. she would in reality just dump him soon after saying, yeah dont get too used to that because i was just drunk and it didnt mean anything.

BELIEVE ME, if she didnt REALLY WANT to be in a rel with him, she would LEAVE HIS ASS in the blink of an eye. she wouldnt STAY WITH HIM while she figured it out. dump first, figure it out / rationalize it later.

so yeah i dont like how the comic portrays the woman as a blameless victim. yeah, cueball is a little bitch, but the woman is an immature IDIOT too who bears SOME responsibility. dont turn her into some innocent martyr. shes a fookin MORON who is too immature to have ANY relationship but she just falls into them because women are the supply, men are the demand.

this is what i write about instead of thinking about muh job interview tomorrow. yeah i am a little worried about that too hahaha.

i have had happy times which didnt involve her. so i must remember those times. chief among them was this nice time in spring/summer 2014 where i met up with an old college friend and we did a bit of a “road trip” to go to a wedding. it was a lot of fun. good people and good times. and That Woman had nothing to do with it. although at that time, i was thinking “we get along so well, maybe I should think more seriously about trying to date her. she is such a nice gurl and we get along so well. but she is breaking up with her BF nao and that has got to be tough. i mean that will take a few months to get over. I dont want to swoop in like some stalker waiting to pounce.” and THE she starts dating some new sleazebag and then I got REALLY interested. what was she doing jumping into this? why pick a sleazebag? why avoid me like the plague? why wasnt I cool any more?

like i say, it hurts to be once held in high regard, then get Demoted. Downgraded.

i wonder if that little adventure helped me make up my mind regarding the female friend. maybe a little bit. i was starting the journey but it would take a few more months to go all the way.

aug 2

sheeeeit interview TODAY. 2 pm. 12 pm right now. i have taken shower, shave, eat breakfast, gone to bathroom, even pre tied the tie i am going to wear because it can be a little tricky. it takes me a full 1 hour and 40 minutes to Get Ready for a Big Day like this. that includes getting out of bed, shower, shave, bathroom, coffee, breakfast, teeth brushing and flossing, and putting on suit with tie.

do not feel great about this, why are they even calling me in for this 40k job that covers a lot of stuff. i cant handle this, i cant hande anything hahahaha. way to pump yourself up before a big interview haha.

HORRY SHEET. well i had the interview. me and the Director. nobody else. no 5 person panel. me and him in a room for One Hour. I was very nervous going in. VERY nervous.

He was really nice, nicer than I expected, no super hard questions. The interview actually went a little BETTER than average. the job starts in the HIGH 40s. He said there were 4 people interviewing. DAMN. I felt pretty good about the interview and the job sounds really good actually. with absolutely ridiculous pay, benefits, health care, days off, ridiculous 401k matching. it sounds too good to be true really. whats the catch.

so i felt some confidence and felt good, getting this would be a LIFE CHANGER. i mean i should become a BORN AGAIN GOD worshiper if I can get this. total LIFE CHANGER. transform me from a total loser to a pretty damn big WINNER OVERNIGHT.

he was nice to me and I was nice to him. I expected a hardass grilling me with super tough questions. specially from seeing his picture on the website. but he was nice.

and then i thought “dont get a big head about this, what if i dont get it,” and THEN I thought

NO. NO. GO AHEAD AND YES, DO GET A BIG HEAD ABOUT IT. ENJOY that feeling of confidence and big headedness. THIS is what NORMIES feel every day, THIS is what is attractive to women, THIS is what makes winners and strong husbandos and fathers, THIS is what I’ve been missing, and THIS bigheaded overconfident feeling is what I NEED in my life.

its better to be overconfident than underconfident. period. who cares if its hubris. ENJOY IT. because how often do you feel GOOD and CONFIDENT? FOOKING NEVER. ENJOY IT. DRINK IN THE BIG HEADEDNESS.

this is what normies and and WHAT MAKES THEM NORMIE. It is GOOD to feel this.

so what if i get rejected. I would have gotten rejected ANYWAY. better to at least feel GOOD for a LITTLE bit.

because what seems like HUbris and Cockiness and the Sin of Pridefulness to me, is actually just NORMAL CONFIDENCE.

because I am SO UNUSED to feeling this.

THIS is what is attractive to EVERYBODY: employers, friends, women, EVERYBODY.

so if i get this job it means I can contact HER and be like HAY BABY.

NOOOOO. well it does mean I will beat her at the game of life, which is good. but it means i will be able to find a BETTER woman, who wont leave me in the fookin lurch, and who is willing to Go To Bat for me.

i mean everything. he starts talking about the pay and benefits early in the discussion, oh you get 12 sick days a year, but we dont like to take more than 10, everyone here is nice and helps each other out, yeah we can be flexible with hours, doesnt have to be 8 to 5, could be 7 to 4 because i know how traffic gets around here (pretty bad), we have one guy who wanted to do 4 10’s, so he only works 4 days a week. i was just thinking why are you even telling me this. and he didnt seem like he was SELLING anything, like sleazy managers who tell you anything to get you in the call center seat. he started as an officer

good god just got a call about another job, now have interview on monday with mortgage dept of bank. wow. not too excited about that hahahaha. well at least they didnt want me to come in TODAY or TOMORROW.

anyway the……college security computer tech job had the interview today is definite hella better. i mean these arent sleazebags nor do they seem like dirty cops hahahaha. he’s like yeah we get pretty good funding because the college is serious about security. ive been here 10 years, there are 2 other guys on this tech team, one has been there 3 years, got a new guy last year, they dont seem chomping at the bit to GET OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE hahahaha. ie they dont hate their jobs and lives.

so like i say, i got a good vibe off the supervisor at the security job. he rattled off all these benefits matter of factly. he even hinted that there might be DOWNTIME. and people arent working 60 hours a week every week, running ragged to meet impossible production quotas and crushing people to get there. which would prob happen at this damn bank hahaha.

well at least its not this Hip Mortgage Broker (Lender?) that hires Classes of 30+ people every few months, then they quit or get fired in a revolving door. but they paint themselves as so damn HIP and FUN and COOL that it comes across as very disingenuous and i have stopped applying there hahahahaha.

yeah i mean i care about the culture, in that i want the culture to enable you to do your work, meaning you can get help if you need it, and not look like a fool getting thrown in the deep end who cant do shit for your clients. a company that sets up you for success not failure.

but of course a company that sets you up for failure will tell you that they set you up for success, that they care about work life balance, that they have a starbucks and a gym in the building, you get free coffee and soda and fruit. oh wow. how about you just give me work that i can actually handle. just be fooking straight and honest with me. don’t make me lie and bullshit to poeple, and dont tell me bullshit either.

so yeah the coppers today seemed honest and no bullshit. good cops hahahaha. i mean i like cops. unlike that woman, who hates cops and luvs ingras hahahaha.

fookin 49k a year, are you KIDDING ME? ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

i almost dont deserve this hahahaha.

i thought you had to have a MASTERS degree to make 49k a year.

I would be happy with 29k a year hahahaha. i didnt tell him that though.

well this is not a union position. no contracts. meaning they probably could shift the pay. go to a lower salary band. but the college throws buckets of money at their public safety department! they are flush with cash in a way that no damn companies are! its kind of insane.

now normally to get a police job you have to do police academy, pass tests, and then start off in a fooking shithole ingra jungle like compton or bronx or something. you dont start out in a CUSHY place like this. you gotta pay your DUES first. i havent been paying dues! i have YET TO PAY MUH DUES!

basically this job would be too good to be true. not a lot of bullshit, GREAT pay, fooking raises every damn year, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? most people havent gotten a raise in like 5 years!

AND making enough money to Win a true honest to GOD 1488 Tradwife!!!!!!!!

Which is much harder to do at 28k a year. which i would have gladly taken hehehehe.

he didnt even ask why i left my previous job! though im not even sure he knew i HAD left it.

so yeah not every job i interview for do i say, ya know, I would really LIKE to get that job. but this one, definitely.

im noticing it takes at LEAST a month after apply for the job for them to get back to you about an interview. with some exceptions where they call you pretty quick. but if they dont call you in a week….they’ll call you in a MONTH.

anyway. its also important to remember…..say i were to get this job and my life would do a total 180 overnight. huge loser to huge winner. rags to riches. omega to alpha. foreveralone to loving tradwaifu. its important to remember that NOTHING has changed about ME. I’m the same person as I was before the interview, as I was for the hour I was doing the interview, on the basis of that hour they will decide to give me a 49k job and wave the magic wand and transform my life.  and i will still be the same person, same essence.  the same foreveralone virginal neet who managed to fake competence for an hour, in the right place at the right time, to convince the nice man to hire me.

really i mean this in the good way, like, i always had It In Me, when I tend to think I DONT have it in me. the confident man says YES I DO have “it” in me. I can handle this. I deserve good things. I can do a good job. I am WORTH 49k a year hehhehehehe. Seriously!!!!

I mean Im DEFINITELY worth 30k a year…..but 49k? I just can’t see it.

well at least I got an interview for a 13k a year job on thursday hahahaha. I am definitely worth 13k hahahaha.

49k PLUS health care (well Im sure that cuts into your 49k) PLUS paid time off PLUS vacation days PLUS 401k where they straight up contribute and you dont even have to! and weekends off! straight Mon thru Fri! and no midnights! no Split Shifts! No 60-80 hour weeks! there might be holidays but it sounds like there is rotations.

32k national AVERAGE for the mortgage job interviewing on monday. i would expect more towards the low end of 27k.  the job description is really confusing and talks about vendors and pipelines and distributed and waaaat.

i hate reading job descriptions, you dont even know what they’re SAYING, its like speaking a different LANGUAGE. and then you meet the people, and in a good situation like today, you see they are normal, nice, decent, honest people who aren’t trying to baffle you with BS. cuz these job descriptions are total bs.

property preservation. like a drug house in the ghetto where they need to scrub the blood off and the meth lab explosions and black mold and termites and toxic waste so the bank can sell it to fookin tarek and christina.  well wouldnt THEY do most of the rehab work? i mean alot of their shit was just shitty that they buy. i dunno! thats why they dont train you! i dunno! its just my job! who knows if im doing it right! yeah sure im doing it right! these are best practices HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

MAN CANNOT REMAKE HIMSELF WITHOUT SUFFERING, FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR

july 19

sheeeeit.

big interview tomorrow. i just got a rejection email from the county for a 26k a year clerk job, and tomorrow i am interviewing with the county for a 30k job. hmm. well i will wear new suit, i’ve also gotten a haircut since muh last interview, so i will LOOK quite a bit better at least.

gotta be prepared for the question Why Do You Want to work HERE. this is where you slip in some marketing mission statement bullshit to show that you are PASSIONATE about the organizations MISSION. Shit you can even say “I am passionate about this organizations Mission.” that’s more than That Woman would say and she would still get the job because shes a cute smiling young woman and all the men want to fook her.

heh. enough already with that woman. its been A YEAR. OFFICIALLY. I have passed the ONE YEAR mark.

and it just proves to me that something of this magnitude will take TWO years to fully get over.

heh. you might THINK sperm is cheap, but to that opportunistic slut in the bar, its worth 216 thousand dollars. think about THAT.

really, the expensive EGG is worth NOTHING without sperm. but getting sperm is so damn EASY and cheap, that its a moot point.

got muh shit printed out for tommorrow.

shit yesterday i was POKING AROUND on peoples google PLUS pages. like people from the job. It was as if i was TRYING to find her. Somewhat Surprisingly, I didnt find her, even though I looked at all the connections of people she was friendly with.

I wondered if she had blocked my GMAIL account so I couldn’t even SEE her on GPlus!

i mean, NOBODY is Gplus SAVVY but i still saw a lot of people from the job there. they didn’t actually USE the profiles, because NOBODY does, but they were still CONNECTED to familiar people.

btu not her. which made me wonder if she blocked me on GOOGLE! can you do that? would you just not see the person on google plus ever at all? I don’t have a real gplus account, but I can still see tons of other people that we knew.

this is while searching for the personal email address of my former manager hahahaha so I could use it in references hahahaha. but i am too scared to contact HIM directly. i will take him off when he contacts ME and says please stop this hahahahaha.

http://www.refinery29.com/2016/07/116520/white-boy-privilege-poem-royce-mann

barrrrfffff

8th grade (((white))) boy does filthy slam poem on white privilege and he’s not even white, he’s a joo hahaha. sneaky, sneaky joo.

normies and even WOMEN are getting tired of this SJW stuff. you dont even have to be anti white to gain the approval of women. not that you ever did.  but it might be easier for a pro-white white man to find a white woman now who wont leave him for being pro-white hahahaha.

maybe That Woman can go be with some more masculine, winner white man and they can both be pro-white racists together, she could have been my white waifu too, but i was too weak hahahaha.

ok interview tomorrow. got my shit printed. i also got in muh 3 applications today. 3.21 per day for the past 19 days hahaha. 12.2 minutes per application. 61 apps in past 19 days. I can do better than that…..cant I?

like i said, as time goes on, its IMPOSSIBLE to bring this average up. move the needle. the needle moves insanely slowly.

i would say bribe your friends to act as your professional references. they can literally pretend they were your manager at walmart and say you were the best worker, even though you and you manager hated each other and he fired you because you called in sick with the flu hahaha when you were shitting and puking all over the place.

anyway your real manager wouldnt possibly give you a good reference, so just have your friend or parent lie and SAY they were your manager!

do people calling references check and make sure the people are actually who they are SUPPOSED to be? and couldn’t you just make up a fictitious name anyway?

well, then it’s hard to……list a email with a different name?

or maybe just use their real name, and just say they were your manager when they never were?

cuz if they use a fake name, a person calling asking for the fake name might confuse them and they temporarily forget they are supposed to be this person?

dont tons of people do fake references like this? what do THEY do?

probably use the person’s real name and then like and say they were the manager.

i mean you should write out a story and give to your friend.

what if you dont have any friends? then youre really screwed hahahha.

oh george feels. why doesnt he go to a shrink?

why doesnt he get meds?

WHY DOESNT HE SM0KE MJ??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

all these are very important questions. he lives in colorado with legal MJ. In other words I would be smokin mj all day. why doesnt he? people in the comments mention it. i have not heard him mention it.  but he should try it. i know i would be.

also he doesnt seem to understand that his father is just an older version of him, so dont complain about your father being lazy or a failure. pot meet kettle hahaha.

cuz his father is a fat guy who was unemployed for 3 years after constantly getting laid off before that. trouble keeping a job hahaha. working for shitty companies that close and lay everyone off haha.

well the father finally got a job, probably in a damn call center hahahaha. would like to hear more about that.

the parents also come from ukraine. hope they arent jooish. lotta joos in ukraine. well then george and his fam would probably be more successful. working angles through the local JCC and such.

but yeah george should be more thankful he has an easy job. if he got laid off he would see how hard it is to find a new job. also george wouldnt last a day in an inbound call center hehehehe.

how many interviews would GEORGE have to go on to find a job?

10 or more?

i am having the big 10th interview tomorrow.

george needs to learn the pain of interviewing and not getting the job. like what his father went through for the past 3 years!

if george is 31, i am guessing his father is maybe 51 to 56? those immigrants have children when they are younger.

i generally like george. if i ever did my neetcast, I would do talks with him. skype. hangouts. i would also try to bring him into the alt right. I would also encourage him to try MJ hahahaha. even tho its degen. if i were in colorado i would try to hang out with him.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=medical%20marijuana%20for%20depression%20forum

http://www.psychforums.com/depression/topic41651.html

intradasting stuff from the clinpsych robert

although OP is much more schizo than depressive, so kinda irrelevant, but robert was very anti-psych meds like ssris. and was not talking like a tinfoil hat alex jones type idiot like That Woman who thought ssris were how the bilderberg group was controlling our minds maaaaan now lets smoke some more weeeeeed maaannnn.

hey i would like to not take them, but i also dont want to chance it. also it doesnt feel like they really do much anyway. but last time i quit them was 1 year ago and then a whole bunch of shit happened.  i flipped out and quit muh job and couldnt handle that woman. but i dont think that really had to do with the quitting ssris tbh. i think it would have been rough even if i were loaded up with ssris.  maybe i was slightly more emotional or on edge…..but i was emotional and on edge ANYWAY.

anyway if i ever nailed down a steady job that wasnt constantly driving me to a nervous breakdown, i would think about quitting the ssris. maybe.

honestly. im not sure about a lot in life, but i am FAIRLY sure that it wasnt my quitting ssri’s that was the straw that broke the camels back.

the straw that broke the camels back was her dumping me and refusing to talk to me ever again hahaha.

wow that was INSANE. glad to be over the worst of that. glad i am slowly getting better. right at that very time, shit was HORRIBLE. i mean i could barely move for a month.

now i can do 21 applications a week hahaha and go to interviews, and get suits, get them tailored, lose 25 pounds, etc.

kinda surprised there hasnt been black violence outside of the repub convention!!! how many days does this last? 3? 5?

july 18 thru 21. so 4 days. 2 days down. its already half over.

https://undividedattentionparenting.com/

MAH BOY is doing a new parenting blog and also says he wants theoretically to help neets, although the ideal is to not have neets to begin with. of COURSHE. easier to raise a nonneet than to fix a neet hahahaha. oh great.

well i was never a TV Baby though. And muh fam was pretty involved. I was just kinda a bad seed. Sure I watched a LITTLE TV and played SOME vidya, but muh fam was smart enough to know that too much of that stuff was bad, so they didnt let me watch TOO much TV.

now, this blogger is An Anti-TV Extremist hahahahaha and now i kinda agree with him because i am a neet and really there’s no BENEFIT to TV. BUT…..I dont think I became a neet because I watched too much TV or played too much vidya. I became a neet because I couldnt deal with life in general hahahaha. couldnt handle jobs and women. I had no CONFIDENCE ever. Unlike his child, I was not ready to “kick the worlds ass.”

so yeah i was always low in confidence, ever since grade school, and it wasn’t the tv and vidya that caused it I dont think. Although I did like playing vidya as an escape, as something fun.

maybe it was because i was a “late bloomer” and Short so I was a failure with women and knew it ever since the beginning of puberty, and i started being interested in gurls at the same time too. but I always felt inferior, because I was a short Unpopular Weirdo and not a Popular Normie Chad, (we called them “preppies” or “jocks”  and also the “gangster” boys got the trashier sluts), so i wasn’t what gurls wanted, so I always kinda resented women for not liking Quiet Shy Guys like me!

So I saw how women really are almost immediately!!! but I just didnt want to accept it. well 20 years later, i accept it hahahahaha.

july 20

weeiirrdddd

there are large assembly manufacturing, assembly line plants for YUGE companies in my immediate area. a generation ago, people made a decent upper working class living working on the LINE. there are still thousands of people who work on the LINE and bitch and moan about two tier wage systems and why we only make 14 dollars and hour etc.

but I have NEVER been able to find these job postings!

all the manufacturing/assembly/operations jobs on the cmpany page are for Leaders and Supervisors of assembly areas.

all chiefs, no indians.

there are several team lead openings and NEVER any team member openings.

  1. WHY ARENT THESE INTERNAL ONLY postings where a team member is then promoted from within, to supervisor?
  2. where the FOOK are the Team Member postings? do you have to go thru an Agency? maybe the UNION HALL?

where do all these 90 IQ white trash tattooed alcoholics chugging beer on their lunch break, get THEIR jobs????

(yes thats classist hahaha but my point still stands.)

had interview with law enforcement agency. apparently there will be angry phone calls about bail for the jail. maintaining prisoner records. I looked good at least with muh new suit, tie, 30 dollar dress shoes. sent thank you email. 3 person interview panel: HR, one uniformed LE officer, and another woman who prob works in the actual dept.

so i can take phone calls for screaming ingras all day bitching about their boy dindu nuffin, whys he sitting in jail hahahahaha.

i dunno they are interviewing a lot of peopelfor the job.

i was ok but AGAIN i was nervous, stumbling over words like an autist virgin. but at least I LOOKED better than I usually do. the haircut and suit make a big diff there.

this place is close to that woman’s house but thank god, you cannot see her house or even her street on the drive over. its possible I could see her driving or maybe stopped at this one partic traffic light near her house.

this is assuming she didnt move in with a new boifran or something. but she always stayed at home with her family even though she was way old enough to Move Out and be a Whore, but she didn’t. she preferred to stay at home with family. I liked this about her.

new episode of fatherland and FINALLY an appeareance from muh boy jeronimus (see parenting blog above.) this guy, i have been reading him years before TRS, he was influential to me. and I want everyone on TRS to RESPECT him. do they even know who this guy IS??? he’s been a real white warrior since they were in short pants!!!! so i frown when I see people arguing with him on the forum, giving him shit, or why he is not welcomed with open arms by the Admins of TRS. like he should regularly be on the daily shoah, not struggling to get an appearance on the fatherland.

anyway i hope the fatherland appreciates him, they SHOULD. I sure do. I have been reading him since…2012? 2011? back when he had his old blog, before he and his family was DOXXED by joos.  he even gave me his phone number and told me to CALL HIM and WE’LL TALK. I was too scared to, but I thought it was a great sign of good faith and shows what a Real Guy he is. He talks to people on the phone regularly about Movement stuff and I hope he meets people in real life too.

sheeeit. i tried to get out of them how much phone time it was. sounded like more phone time than the listing said. the listing sounded really good. the actual job didnt sound so good. possibly nonstop calls from angry ingras complaining about dey chilluns dindu nuffin, yall raciss mufugga!

well its true that I am racist, hahahahaha.

anyway yeah the suit looked great, but not sure if it translated to extremely improved confidence for me. although i was certain of the fact i looked better. last interview 13 days ago, i had the shitty “suit”, my hair was long and messy, etc, so i def LOOKED better now, although I wanted THAT job a lot more than this one hahahaha.

jeez. local news story of good looking white 27 year old woman who was beaten up and RUN OVER by her boifran, who had shitloads of damage, was taken off life support, died, has 2 young children, looking at gofundme page. there was one generous donation by a guy with a NatSoc related user name, and one comment like “id donate 100$ if i knew she wasnt a COAL BURNER”. and then plenty of remarks on the newspaper story about is she a mudshark, is she a coal burner? and of course it was one of the first questions i asked too. young white single mother, still good looking, has a domestic violent Boifran, lives in a White Trash city with a lot of blacks. you HAVE to ask, was she burning the coal? pretty good chance.

i mean a 27 year old woman with a 9 year old child?

at least her children look white from the tiny pictures on the gofundme page.

shit its possible THAT WOMAN knows this gurl hahaha.

i dunno i just dont like mudsharks, and i hate that That Woman Mudsharked once, and if she mudsharks again thats bad, and if she doesnt mudshark again that also sucks because it means she became racially aware, which is awesome,  so a racially aware qt tradwife rejected me hahahaha.

i was NEVER really confident! as soon as the gurls started developing, I was very interested. they werent interested in me, but were interested in the taller, more athletic, popular boys, didnt like Short Manlet DORKS like me. So for all of Adolescent I felt like a Dork who wasnt good enough to pull a woman. never really felt confident.

so why didnt i try to develop muh confidence in other ways? like sports and working. well i did work some. but i literally hated sports. cuz i was not a good team player, and i found it intimidating and confusing and felt like a beta male. a little faggy sissy who was bad at sports, so i just AVOIDED sports.

but shit i could have still LIFTED, or done like bmxing or some shit. but nooooo. or shooting. hunting. shooting and hunting would have been a good masculine hobby that wasnt sportsball.

but yeah. ever since Puberty, and even BEFORE, I was NEVER very confident at all. always timid and meek and unsure and shy and never outwardly confident.

I think it all began when I went to skool. Cuz I was very young for my grade and also very short and petite hahahaha. so if i had been homeschooled, I would have turned out allright hahahaha. did not do well with the competition of skool. and work. and life.

was NEVER confident with women. EVER. except maybe slightly when i had just spent some quality time with a woman. whic is kinda miraculous that i EVER did! its more than george feels or some other virgin ever got!

when I was….15 or maybe even 14 was the first time i made out with a grill, and that was a totally normie experience, that i reacted to very autistically and beta. meaning, SHE was more interested than I was, so I “settled” just to try out the experience, but I was ultimately very ambivalent about it, and sometimes got downright ASSMAD about it. like WHY did I ever even talk to that gurl? that SUCKED. that was a stupid first make out. I’m gonna WAIT until I find someone I really like, or really connect with. this gurl is annoying and not super hawt and Im just not into her, she’s more into me than I am into her.

when really this is pretty NORMAL. WOMEN select their MEN. and they use their feminine wiles to try to persuade a perhaps on the fence man to stay with them. having a CHILD with him, thats a good way to trap a man! unless he is a total deadbeat or ingra…..which many men are!

so instead of wanting some disney egalitarian bullshit, i should have just been HAPPY WITH WHAT I COULD GET and not get so autistically angry about it.

maybe I would have come to like the gurl more if I had spent more time with her! but I BARELY even hung out with her because we didnt live in the same town! we were “pen pals” for a little while, but I wasn’t really into that. i mean she lived 40 miles away, i didnt have a car, i couldnt drive hahaha, i didnt even really want to talk to her on the phone, etc.

now, i didnt think I would go another 6 years without making out with a grill, nor did I realize how fooked up I would become over those 6 years! alcohol, drugs, irresponsbilitiy, and still having lowass confidence!

but yeah its that low confidence that was always the common denominator.

and then in social groups, I was always the beta male for sure. see boys crave hierarchy and structure!

BUT it wasnt really fun being the beta male either!!!!!

was it because the alpha male of my group wasn’t the best leader?

I dont really hold it against him though! he was a good guy at heart. very good guy. I can’t blame HIM for ruining me, hahahaha. i mean that is really reaching. that’s basically implanting a damn false memory.

i mean I had other friends were there was more “democracy” or less of a beta male thing, and it still didn’t really improve my confidence! I still drank alcohol at too young an age, smonked MJ.

like teens in the US think getting WASTED and TRASHED is COOL, so they BINGE drink and get FOOKED UP. getting FOOKED UP is the goal. kids in yurop sneer and think why would you want to get FOOKED UP? Better to just have a few drinks, get loose, but no need to get FOOKED UP YEAAAAAA PARTAY!!!!!

basically it all stems back to me starting like preschool or kindergarten or 1st grade. yep. it was 1st grade. first year of serious school. i was aware of me being weird and different and somehow lesser. a beta. and i didnt like it. i felt shy and timid and meek. very self conscious. socially anxious hahaha.

YEP if I had just been homeschooled, none of that would have happened.

or, at least, homeschooled till the age of 10 or so hahahahaha.

but when I was 5-10, nobody homeschooled. it just wasnt done. I didnt even know homeschooling existed until I was out of high school.

also i think i was just neurotic. i was born prematurely, so i wonder if that contributed to me being short, unmasculine (less time to be drenched in testosterone? but how would the mother’s womb create testosterone anyway?), neurotic.

there was a period during my puberty where I thought I was a homer sexual, so that made me all defensive of homo rights and all that. I identified with them as trasngressives, underdogs, fighting the mean uptight normies.

it probably came from not being exposed to many real life gurls (single secs high school, hahahaha) where there were a bunch of sissy girly boys who roman soldiers would have had a grand old time with, and then went on to marry women and have families. no problem.

at the time i was resentful of not having any gurls in muh high school, oh its gonna turn me gay, but majority of everyone else turned out fine, got gfs and wives etc.  you could still meet gurls in other schools provided you had friends who went to other schools. well, i did….but I guess we were ALL kinda bad with gurls. well my one friend was ok with gurls but I never asked him to introduce me to gurls. plus he went with these MJ smoking rocker grrls and I was intimidated by that, I wanted a “nice girl”. and then gradually I started smoking MJ and drinking myself…..although I did not hang out with a bunch of Party People. shit if i did, i probably would have gotten Laid with some drunk slut. and it would have been much like when i made out with that one gurl. i woulda said, this SUCKS, even though its not SUPPOSED to suck.

i guess i sorta felt confident around women when i had female friends, and i could talk and hang out with women like they were human beings, and not feel judged and undesirable etc. even though i had already been judged as being undesirable from a Mating standpoint! but really at that time i didnt CARE. usually whenever I made female friends, i was usually hung up on some previous woman anyway.

i mean shit same thing with that woman. i didnt care about luving her because i was still in luv with woman2012! until one i got over woman2012 and fell in luv wth woman2015!

sooo it should be 2018 when i fall in luv with another woman?

well, 2017, 2018 is when the shit will go down in flames hahaha.

ok time to powerwalk in “brilliant sun” and try to get tan hahahaha.

so yeah. confidence. LEADERSHIP. assertiveness. I never had these things. I am trying to remember times i had a relative maximum of them. my relative maximum, which were few and far between, was probably about NORMAL for a Normie.

shit. it was probably fall 2013. almost 3 years ago. i was doing good at my job, i was getting along very well with That Woman, we were getting closer as a matter of fact. we talked alot about job searching. she said her boifran might be able to get us into his job, which pays pretty well.

this was before i was in luv with her. i was encouraging her to Work On Things with the boifran, to put in effort. he was stubborn but I wanted her to try. and she did. I wish she had stubbornly tried with ME.

anyway i said ok shit i’ve been here too long, might as well try it out.

and then it all happened very quickly. we both were hired and started working there. we both Aced the Interview and were hired hahaha. that should have told me something. they hired like 30, 40 people at once. they hired me after a 10 minute interview with me and just one manager and no one else.

i should have been more diligent in talking to that woman: let me talk to your boifran about what this job is REALLY like. what is this job. because later i was like SHIT I wish i had a better idea of what this job was before i took it! waawawawawaw i cant handle this i want to go back to our old job!

shit i probably could have. but i Toughed it out til layoff, was invited back after layoff, then i REALLY toughed it out for a full 10 months, that was where I REALLY grew and got better and started burning out again hahaha. then got invited back and then lasted like 2 more weeks before shit EXPLODED.

i guess in like november 2014 i had another relative maximum of confidence. i had gained confidence at the job, was earning a reputation as Smart Guy, and my “crush” on the woman was new and exciting and hadn’t turned to POISON yet, and I was certain we would hang out soon and I would tell her.

when else did i have confidence? uhhh maybe july august 2004. i had gotten a bit of a makeover, i had met a qt gurl and banged her and lost muh virginity, i was ready to start College again after a failure and a hiatus there.

well of course the thing with the girl failed soon, but miraculously i was able to do well in school that year. if i had done that well every year maybe i could/would have gone to grad skool. but i was focused on just finishing school, i had NO IDEA about what to do AFTERWARD.

SHIT , i could have made something of myself if I had Lived At the Career Center for a few months after graduation, until I finally got a proper job somewhere, anywhere.

But I fooked that up, and said well MAYBE i should go to grad school, so I will be a bullshit research assistant with these profs and see what happens there.

and because those were not real jobs cracking the whip on me and demanding results on a timeline, I shirked it and spend too much time drinking and losing my mind over gurls. 3 gurls, 1 summer hahahaha. all of them rejecting me and causing madness hahahaha.  that distracted me from the shit i SHOULD have been doing with the profs.

oh sure blame everybody but my self!!!!!

well its true these things were distracting.

well i should have been seeing a shrink to teach me how to deal with these women and also to help me not drink! i was drinking to cope and that was not good.

so I FLOUNDERED with my research work, did not get a REAL job, and the next year january came Back Home like a Failure. I didn’t think that would last for the next TEN years hahaha.

but I continued drinking, increased drinking even; and had a HELL of a time finding gainful employment, indeed, NEVER having gainful employment until about EIGHT years later. and now i am out of that hahaha. distracting myself for a few years with drinking; then for a couple years with rinky dink jobs and getting 70 more credits of College; then got gainfully employed; then melted down and lost muh waifu hahahaha and muh laifu as well.

well at least now i have lost 26 pounds, have a nice new suit that fits and looks good and makes me look like a man worthy of a 28k entry level job, hahahaha. and not like a total omega virgin. although you will glean that from my nervous rambling during interviews and general lack of confidence.

i mean i lost 16% of muh body weight hahaha pretty good uh. had 10 interviews, getting slowly better there. got not 1 but 2 new suits, check muh white privilege hahaha and and least LOOK sorta normie, apart from being short.

i mean i had WANTED to get an actual proper suit for YEARS. at least 3 years, if not 10 hahahaha, i was just too lazy to actually go out and do it. make the effort, talk to the right people, talk to a damn tailor, spend the money from muh savings, etc.

what if i had 30k in student loans like most normies???!?!?!?!?!? When the going gets tuff, normies get going, but I just completely fall apart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well, i would prob live with muh fam and take any shit job at the post office and then pay off those student loans as quickly as possible, maybe with the help of muh fam.

well i ended up living with muh fam anyway because i never made enough money to live elsewhere. it just wasnt worth it.

i mean i could prob afford to live in the ABSOLUTE GHETTO……but would you let your children live in the GHETTO??? and by ghetto i mean black crime ridden slum, hahahahaha.

Yeah parents should let their children make mistakes and learn from them…….but i ALSO think parents shouldnt let children make BIGASS mistakes that will ruin their life, like taking on 100k of debt, or letting them live in a ghetto. I wouldnt let MY children do it, so i can understand why MY fam didnt allow ME to do it.

alternatively, i guess you could raise your children to be aggressive fooking WARRIORS who you have no doubt could survive in the ghetto. make sure your kid is TOUGH AS NAILS and has a CPL license and essentially has good tactical training to deal with emergencies. but i STILL wouldnt want them living in the ghetto!

i would rather have them learn a useful skill, live at home, and the trade would be so useful that they could AFFORD to live somewhere non-ghetto at age 21 or so!

in case i wasn’t clear, by ghetto i mean nonwhite slum filled with nonwhite criminals. did i mention that I am a pro-white racist and probably an official white nationalist????

also communities with a alot of white trash are not much better. there are nearby communites on the “edge” of the black ghetto, where the black ghetto starts mixing with the white trash, and the whole things horrible. whites with neck tattoos, drugs and drinking, they talk and live like ingras, the women are fatherless mudshark single moms, they are basically white ingras and while they might be less violent……i still wouldnt want MY kids living around that, even to teach them a lesson.

but again. CONFIDENCE. i mean i was a tuff kid to raise. muh fam didnt know what to do with a weirdo like me, so they were just happy i got good grades in high school and got into a good college. after that, who knows, hopefully i can figure it out. well i sure didnt hahahaha. i peaked in high school.

i was protected from most of the bad shit but i STILL found ways to sneak alcohol, sneak MJ, be a bad boy like that.

so maybe i was doomed. the sin of pride.

i had the sin of pride but i was never confident!!!!! how does that work??!?!?!?!?!?!

yu want to get a HUGO BOSS suit because thats what the NSDAP wore hahahaha.

eh might as well upgrade to windows 10 already before it ends. all my important shit is in The Cloud anyway hahahaha. like thats secure.

basically i would focus on the issue of confidence with muh children.

and thats the thing! my fam tried to build muh confidence! they were concerned about muh confidence and made efforts to boost it! so i appreciate that and i am grateful to them! THEY TRIED! hehehehehe.

but i always quit shit. quit softball team, quit soccer, quit boy scouts,  i didnt like any of that shit. should they have forced me to not quit? certainly i became kinda a QUITTER in my adult life too. quitting skool, quitting jobs, quitting life, hahaha.

i’ve ALWAYS been neurotic and jooish. i remember writing stuff like this in 1995 for gods sakes. over TWENTY years ago. I first began really writing. and MUCH of my writing was on my own ISSUES. and it didnt really RESOLVE the issues! it was just COMPLAINING about them! why dont women like shy sensitive unmasculine men? why do normies suk so much? where are all the NICE gurls? why does the church hate gays and onanists? if i had a nice gf i would totally have premarital secs with her and said fook you to the oppressive church! why do all these gurls smoke weed and drink! well now that im trying MJ and alcohol, i can see how its fun, but i STILL dont like to go out and party with all these boisterous party people! cant we just have a small quiet party? why dont we know any gurls?

teen angst grrrr. well just get thru high school, then get through college, then you can get a good job and everything will all work out in the end. i wish i didnt have to go to college, cuz skool SUCKS, but in order to get a good job nowardays you HAVE to go to college, and i get good grades in high school, i am gonna go to college, FINE, play their game, get the piece of paper, get a decent job, then life can begin. i can make some money, slowly move up, maybe meet some nice gurls then.

DIDNT HAPPEN LIKE THAT hahahaha.

I had SOME of it right….like yeah college IS very important. but it can ALSO be VERY USELESS depending on how you do it. and I did it ALL WRONG. that was a CRUCIAL mistake, one of my biggest mistakes.

i have been in this memory lane shit the past 2 days, really reflecting on muh whole life, muh childhood, how i ended up THIS WAY.  the type of thing you could and maybe should talk about with your waifu. but then she would LEAVE you for showing weakness and vulnerability!

i tried to build confidence with music, but it was frustrating as fook. i had to work more to get the money to buy the equipment, plus, the root cause problem, i wasnt creative musically. i couldnt write music, so i couldnt fulfill my goal of being in a band to Play Shows.

of course the idea of being in a Cover Band was ridiculous to me. i wish i wasnt so closed minded against that. really my best memories of playing music was playing cover songs.

now i did manage to be a LITTLE creative musically and I made the most of that, doing it My Way, essentially having a Solo Project. No real equipment, just recording songs on a computer.

THAT led to some real confidence when I completed songs there. but that was few and far between. it was SO Frustrating getting over those humps. every time i wrote a song it really was a bit of a miracle.

ok ok ok so i was never the most confident.

PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING

july 1

shit. i hate that you just cant be an ok people person. you gotta be a MASTER people person just to get a 10 DAH job or get some fat slut. if you have the SLIGHTEST anxiety or autism or awkwardness…..1% is as bad as 100%. 2 is as bad as 10 hahaha. all or nothing. no in between.

you have to be all or nothing because the WORLD is all or nothing. jobs, women, life, hahaha.

sometimes  while browsing the indeed list you find a job thats SO GOOD you HAVE to apply for it RIGHT NAO. So go ahead and do that. thats a good thing. like i found one today: day shift, full time, mailroom clerk for large IP law firm. Dayum.

using A Spreadsheet and a Stopwatch to calculate the Exact Average of how long it takes me to do a Job Application.

with 3 down so far, the average is 15 minutes. has varied from 6 to 27 minutes.

this is actually making it slightly more interesting. maybe this is a holdover from my stupid job, where all our calls were timed and we could see a dashboard of how many calls we had each day, average time of calls, total time IN, etc.

i kinda liked improving my numbers. also it gave me some Hard Numbers. of course it also allows the company to Measure More and to crack the whip harder. 20 minutes average call time? get it down to 19 and we save 1 million dollars a year and can give execs moar bonuses and cut more people from YOUR department!

but in general i think the stopwatch is a great idea for THIS, muh job SEARCH, and getting a handle on exactly HOW long it takes to do EACH application, and what a reasonable number of apps per day is. i have been shooting for 8 but that’s cetainly low. but HOW low?

ok well my average is now at 17 minutes. thats with short ones and annoyingly long ones. only have 6 so far. i figure 100 might be a better sample size.

not that i havent already done over 210!!! 232 as a matter of fact. hehe.

today had a first, applied to USAJOBS, something for the army. FEDGOV hehehehehe.

17$ DAH job working with like army kids? child care technician? well in the FEDGOV they make 17 bucks an hour with bennies. GS 04 or some shit.

SO i figured that 5% of applications will get an interview. 1 out of 20. i mean that is ABOUT what its actually been. about 10 interviews for 200 applications.

well REALLY its 9 interviews for 230 applications hahahahahahahaha. but NO, cuz when I HAD the 9th interview last week, I had only about 200 apps in.

ok, so 9/200.

SO, assuming about 5% chance of an interview, it is THEN safe to assume that 5% of INTERVIEWS will result in a JOB. THEREFORE, you have to put in about 400 applications, therefore get 20 interviews, in order for you to get 1 job.

so shoot for 400 applications.

about ABOUT 20 minutes per application, that is 133 hours.

and that is 3.25 weeks of Full Time Work hehehehehe.

and right now I am showing 17 minutes per application, not 20.

why the hell didnt i start measuring this in a spreadsheet EARLIER?

because when you Train Yourself, it takes you MONTHS to stumble on things that a Trainer would show you right away. Best Practices. Best Practices do not always come quickly.

and this is a pretty obvious no brainer. use a spreadsheet as a tracking system to measure Metrics. its not exactly out of left field.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/advice-on-how-to-red-pill-my-fiance/37312/11

this guy does not seem super smart but he is a manly white man who carries a Glock hehehe and doesnt want his qt white gf associating with trash. cuz her friends are trash and her family is trash and she gets the attention of blacks hehehe but she miraculously is not a huge slut. so says the boifran hahaha.

i know that feel, that woman was CLOSE to trash but she was not herself really trashy. she didnt want to be trash so she dumped her trashy friends. i hate to think she thought of ME as TRASH.

well at least TRASH can WORK!!!!!

july 2

horry sheet, interview with the company i have submitted like 14 applications to this year and i NEVER thought they would interview me for anything more than a 9 dah pt job….has invited me to an interview for like a 32k to 46k FT job hahahaha.  so, doing that on thursday. afternoon of courshe hahahaha.

BIG reach here, but……it was kind of a reach just to get the interview!

They are interviewing at least 5 people.

I would prefer something a little less……involved, because I might be better qualified for something Lower, have a better chance of getting it.

I do know the application here had like 5 short answer questions that probably scared all the CASUALS and PUNTERS away hahahaha.

and made the Application Time like 30 minutes instead of 15 hehehe.

what was the manager doing sending emails at 10 30 pm on the friday of Fourth of July Weekend? why wasnt he out of town with his family?

this place has a Unionized Workforce and I thought they were serious about muh 40 hours and not a second more hehehehe.

well there are ways around that, you simply PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING hehehehehe.

how common is this? for people who want to make themselves look like they do more in 40 hours than they do? really for OT Exempt people its not an issue. then you just work 80 hours for the price of 40 as a general rule hahaha.

i am somewhat interested in the Goth Subculture, but its also kidna degenerate and the women are SLUTS. VERY high number. but they might be willing to help weak sissy beta guys gain experience and confidence in banging bitches, which is always good.

yes, bang those disgusting degenerate high number whores, just for EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. THEN you will have a better chance at getting the women you DO want. there’s a reason they call them PRACTICE gurls. And you can’t get a Decent Woman without PRACTICE. Like like you can’t Win the Championship Game without PRACTICE.

just Wrap It Up and try not to lie too much. like don’t tell the gurl you’re in luv with her, OR that you will marry her, OR that you want a Real Relationship with her. It’s Only About The Casual Secs baby, whatsamatter, dont you think secs is FUN, ya prude?

but yeah i dont think there are any gothic gurls under 30.

also goths like phaggots and nihilism and drugs and are not masculine and all.

i would approach Goth in a way that championed Traditional Victorian Values, and wears a lot of black, and likes melancholy shit, but thats really about all. While also still being Masculine and promoting Morality and Family and Traditional Gender Roles.

at the same time i like gurls who are not super duper girly. That Woman was feminine but she was not super duper girly. in that she was chilled out and laid back and not into Drama. But she kinda was. at the end she couldn’t get out of the drama.

i dont mind minor drama, but major drama needs to be dealt with. women are so attracted to drama that they dont even want to deal with major drama, they just run away from it if its too much. leaving people in the LURCH.

they need a MAN to pull them out of the drama. And I was not man enough. shit i was CAUSING the drama. i didnt know how to FINISH it. well, i DID know that we PROBABLY needed to confront it and talk about it, and she didnt want to do that.

all the more reason I need to MAN UP and say THIS ENDS NOW and MADE her talk to me hehehehe.

so yeah. BIG interview thursday, one of the biggest. the manager has been working there for 12 years and is a (former?) CPA but this job is more in “systems.” he does not have a masters degree but does/did have a CPA and that is about as hardcore as a masters degree hehehehe. fookin tryhard.

applied for job as AP clerk for company, took 23 minutes, brought average up to 16 minutes hahahaha.

i only have 8 jobs in that spreadsheet, i suppose if i had all 230 jobs, it would be a more valid/accurate number.

lets just say the shorter the better. i would like it to be closer to 15 than to 30.

in 1980 it didn’t take you 16 minutes to do a job application (well maybe it did.)

but for DAMN SURE in 1980 you didnt have to do 400 job applications before you found a job!

but its good i have an interview for next week, i didn’t have one this past week. want to have 1 or ideally TWO eery week.

had a dream with THAT WOMAN last night, as i recall it was pretty long but i still dont remember much other than i was spending the night with her, but she was mad at me and we were arguing and i was sleeping on the couch or something. i was scared she was gonna LEAVE ME, that she wasnt willing to work this out. , that she had just Had Enough, it wasnt worth saving to her.

and of course that was what happened! but this dream at least pretended that we were actually Going Out.

I was also starting to care about her family. Cared about her single mother who had a possibly rough life but she was at least a good mother and probably a good person. cared about her brother and sister who seemed really nice and were not promiscuous degenerate drug addicts, they did not even smoke MJ. they just lived clean decent nice lives. Cared about her extended family who she told me about.

and now all of THOSE people were ripped out of my life too, her telling me you’re not allowed to care about them any more, you’re done with ALL of us.

so that was an extra element which made things even more painful. I felt closer to her because I felt I kinda knew her family. again, not something i normally do with women.

she had an older family member who was not in good shape and that was causing her a lot of stress and worry at the same time as our thing fell apart. i felt guilty for Bothering her during such a difficult time. But I cared about the family member too! I shared her pain somewhat! and if she thinks it was all a Ploy to Get Dat Ass, she couldnt be MORE wrong!!!!!!!!

but i totally lost my frame and became weak and supplicating and BEGGING. I should have taken the FRAME of the MAN who COMMANDS respect….not a pvssy weakling who BEGS for respect! you put the foot down and say THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE.

hmmm this qt young gurl (7-8 years younger than me, very cute and nice, low number, she got married tho, like at age 22, well good for her hahaha.) sent ME a linkedin connect today and i accepted it. I had seen HER many times but did not ask to connect with her because she might think its creepy i was stalking her. well she is way more successful than me anyway. good career in health admin and is being promoted, moving up, didnt even get a damn masters degree, works with a bunch of other qt young women.  its hard to imagine they will become hambeasts when they are 40 like so many other women.

but they might not also become loving wives and mothers and just continue riding the coch carousel, so yeah, part of that is not becoming a hambeast. gotta look good to pull the alphamost coch. fat hambeasts can only pull thugingras hahahha. i hope SHE becomes a fat hambeast. her mother didnt unfort. her mother still looks bangable. i should bang her mother in horribly degrading ways hahahahahahahaha

heh i set up a 50 cent monthly dnation to bernard chapin. lets see if HE complains about the dnation being too small hahaha. i really dont think he will. he is not that kind of guy tho. I wish he had found a good wife and become a father though. its SAD that at 46 he has Accepted he will always be a MGTOW. he is coming out with his new book “man going his own way.” I mock MGTOW’s now, but not too long ago, I considered myself a mgtow, and uncle bern is the best example of the best of mgtow. he is a very good honorable man and THATS why he needs to stop being a mgtow and become a father! hes not race aware enough, let alone 1488. well, i will stop my dnation if he ever has a keeid with a nonwhite or advocates race mixing hahaha, which i dont think he will.

JUST TELL ME ITS UNDER 5 / NONSLUTS SHOULD SIGNAL THEIR NONSLUTTINESS AS MUCH AS SLUTS SIGNAL THEIR SLUTTINESS

1222

shit hhehehehe.

yeah great idea for schooling. with my skool, you wouldnt even need homeschool. i would have long talks with homeschoolers and be like nope nothing to worry about here, you can trust your kids with me, basically im just gonna give them of 4-5 years of JOB TRAINING, in at LEAST 32 different ACTUAL JOBS, AND give them actual working experience in some of those jobs over the summers.

then by the time they graduate high school, they will be skilled workers making at least 15dah and be able to be productive independent adults.

of course you didnt need a RADICAL NEW high school to be able to do this 40 “short” years ago! you just went to normal high school, then Got A Job like everybody else! didnt have to think about it! didnt have to outcompete 10 other interviewers for a 12dahj! (in 1975 dollars, purchasing power, adjusted for inflation etc)

they say yeah motherfooker at age 18 i was only making 2 dollars an hour in 1975. but 2 dollars in 1975 is like 15 dollars in 2015 hahahaah. citation needed.

you didnt need to spend 10 grand to learn how to become a Machinist. you just got an Junior Machinist job at age 18 and then in a few years became a Senior Machinist. and then in a few more years became machinist manager and then sit around and get drunk all day at work hahahahahahaha because you didnt have degenerate internet pron to look at in 1980. and shit was going well so you didnt care about degeneracy. you bitched abotu your wife but at least you had a wife and she wasnt a land whale and she didnt betray you! the worst she did was nag you. you still got secs and luv and LOYALTY.

anyway my concern now is having SAFEGUARDS so i dont go from 0 to 100 ever again.

but was it really 0 to 100?

i dont think so. it was at least 50 to 100.

maybe 60 to 100!

and the best SAFEGUARD against that would be what i already decided: BLURT IT OUT ASAP.

that would have released some pressure, and took me back dwn to 0.

i wasnt LYING, but i was kinda hiding a secret that i didnt really WANT to keep a secret, but i was just too scared to talk. and that tension kept rising and boiling. it didnt go 0 to 100 in one day but over 10 months. 300 days.  .33% per day hahahaha.

doesnt the power that be WANT us gainfully employed, because they can get more taxes out of us? and we will be more docile and controllable? because too many weird losers like me, they dont make taxes from, plus enough people like me, there will be RIOTS!

well are shiftless jobless blacks really rioting every day? hahahahaha well they are rioting every week, and killing each other every day. but thats not enough to scare the powers that be because…….tptb still get paid, still get votes, etc. i dont fookin know. you think i know how the world really works? i cant even take care of myself so of course i beleive in ridiculous conspiracy theories!!!!!!!

heh yep MW is having jared taylor on his hangout tonight, we called it hahahaha. this is real interesting that he is debuting all these BIG people right NOW rather than during his “regular season” of conversation videos. it really is gonna boost MW to the next tier and i am happy for him.

i am glad to see good things happen to good people. for a fellow Late Bloomer to become a Winner. i think he’s been planning this to be something big. he never intended it to be Just 7 Hangouts. Even if he had just done that it would have been great. but i think he was planning 7 Daily Hangouts, with a number of Big Surprise Guests.

so this is pretty fun. i am not a jared taylor fanatic but he is a big guy and a decent guy. he’s just not my own personal favorite. so i am trying to predict who else he could have on. I am officially predicting: Aurini, because MW is a fan of him or used to be, and hes never been on before.

maybe another person from TRS. 7th son was already on, so maybe something more in depth with 7th son or mike enoch.

it would not be unreasonable for ramzpaul to get on there either.

maybe david fookin duke hahahaha.

so yeah i didnt go from 0 to 100. when she started gving me the silent treatment i went from 90 to 100. and completely snapped. and that was the end of my life as i know it hahaha.

so……the question becomes

  1. how do i stop from going from 90 to 100? BLURT IT OUT before it gets to damn 50.
  2. what do i do to safeguard against silent treatment? use the following quote: “I feel upset when you stop talking to me and avoiding me. I feel very hurt by this. I will not tolerate this boundary to be crossed repeatedly. Let’s talk about this issue and get it resolved within 72 hours.  Write me an email if you don’t want to talk.”

yeah i never had someone SO CLOSE to me give the silent treatment. well, someone that i FELT close to. i had one other person give me big silent treatment, acollege roomate, BUT, at the time that began, i didnt really like him, i wasnt FRIENDS with him, i didnt feel close to him, i didnt WANT to be friends with him.

i NEVER had someone who was my friend, who i wanted to be friends with, pull such a silent treatment on me. i was totally unprepared.

it didnt help that i was already at 90. but i think SHE was at 90 too. and when she got to 100 she pulled silent treatment. and that pushed ME to 100 and i just totally broke down at life.

so tldr; you will have safeguards in place next time, becuase you wont BE at 90 when she does silent treament, you’ll be closer to 0, and indeed if i had just written an email, then what else would i have had to say to her?

also instead of tyring to get her to talk, i should have said “i cant take this any more. we have to talk now becuase this is FOOKED.” cuz i was being nice to her and trying to have small talk with her like nothing was happening, and apologizing like a beta for being weird. oh god the cringe hahahaha.

https      ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4272/beta-thread

3DRR2we

 

like this terrible beta who apologizes and THEN adds a spergy second tweets signaling to the bitchy girl that he had sat in the corner and thought about what he had done, and had Learned A Lesson on why what he did was So Wrong. Maybe he can spergily flog himself like napoleon dynamite GOD SO STUPID!!!! every time he apologizes for giving unsolicited advice.  but i can TOTALLY see how a guy gets this way. you think people ever are constantly apologizing to guys? and also, when guys get unsolicited advice, the person is usually being a huge dick to them, trying to belittle them.

well i guess the girl is mad because he is a THIRSTY BETA, BEGGING for pvssy. and she is butthurt all these THIRSTY guys are BEGGING for pvssy all the time, trying to be NICE to her.

well i say dont be such a huge BITCH about it, if you HALF as THIRSTY as this guy, youd be twice as CRAY as you are now!

also he’s not begging for PVSSY per se, he’s just merely begging for some kind of attention and friendliness from women. hes the type of supreme gentleman who doesnt even think about Pvssy until he’s in LUV with the bitch hahahaha.

anyway him apologizing, then publicly signaling the reason why what he did was so wrong, is both Omega AND Sperg/Autist.

and i was falling into that quicksand, constantly apologizing to her for BEING WEIRD.  and then saying shit like oh i know this is weird for you and i am sorry for encroaching on your personal space and pushing you and not respecting your feelings.

i should have never let it get so far. i was already past 50 at that point, worn down into a weakass omega.

i should have said hey we need to talk about something important, i am being weird because i dont like being blown off and avoided all the time, we need to talk now, this ends now.

and that wuld have fixed everything hahahaha.

well it would have taken me back to 0 and maybe i would have reacted better if she pulled silent treatment on me at that point. and then i would have to take a asimilar approach there: i dont like this silent treatment, we need to talk. done.

so yeah it makes perfect sense in hindsight. she treated me with such contempt because i was a huge OMEGA apologizing all the time. i knew it was a bad situation at the time, but….i was emotionally compromised! i was in a bad state!

also, not all women HAVE to be so mean to omegas!

and she could have hung out wiht me once in TEN MONTHS rather than CONSTANTLY BLOWING ME OFF AND AVOIDING ME.

oh i brought that on myself because i was OMEGA.

fook that she has some responsibility too. she could have hung out with me ONCE. she responded to my texts after all. she gave me MIXED SIGNALS! i thought she was open to talking!

whenever she responded to my texts, which she regularly did, it gave me HOPE that we WOULD hang out someday! we used to hang out! no problem! usually it was real easy! never more than 2 weeks passed between the first suggestion and the actual hangout! sometimes SHE even initiated the hangout!

i just think ill never get that close to a woman of such high quality again.

yeah a white trash mudshark with huge family issues. but she wasnt a slut, had a low number, and was shy, intoverted, and non slutty, and under 25, so she was therefore My Perfect Ideal Women, instant pedestal.

hahahahaha

i get it that women are as disgusted by betas/omegas as men are by sluts. but even i would treat a slut nicely even if i didnt respect them at all. i would appreciate if i were breaking a sluts heart when she had done nothing wrong to me.

oh but i did her wrong, by BEING omega TO her. this is equivalent to a slutty gurl ACTUALLY CUCKING the guy shes dating.

no i dont think so. orders of magnitude different.

in one you are playing fast and loose with A HUMAN LIFE, ie your bodys ability to create human life.

in another, you are just being a pathetic desperate begging omega. you only hurt yourself and offend the stupid bitch youre dealing with, who rolls her eyes at how pathetic youre being. no third party innocent lives ever enter the picture.

were there more male nurses and male secretaries and male medical assistants when Women Didnt Work? probably but they jsut called them assistants or apprentices and the job itself was viewed as more masculine and certainly didnt require more than a high school education.

like, did men do all the jobs that women NOW do? i mean i understand that HR and Women Makework jobs didnt exist, but you still needed Nurses and Secretaries.

well i mean come on. didnt they have a lot more male TEACHERS back in the day?

but yeah i hate that i was reduced to a begging supplicating omega for her. and that wasnt her fault per se. sure she could have just hung out with me or just talked to me or just stopped avoiding someone she used to be friends with. she could have reacted better but i could have reacted better too, like an alpha male who doesnt take shit.

still, me acting like an omega is like -1 pain on her, and her ABortioning me was a -20 of pain against me.

well i applied for the damn post office job. it only took like an hour of typing in bullshit hahahahaha. looking up your selective service number, thankfully they only wanted 7 years of employment history hahahaha and not all years. so i only had to put 2 jobs!

what was i gonna say. yeah i can see how being an omega is so offensive to women, because heres a weak man that wont protect me and muh chirren, but……they still pick deadbeat thugs anyway, tough “protectors” that abandon their children. and have secs with anyone. its sucks for a man to be omega but i dont think its as much of a shameful crime as being a slut. being a slut is simply more destructive, and to more people.

also i would still treat sluts as people unless they cucked me directly. this woman cant even write me an EMAIL.

1223

hehehe sinead mccarthy talking about mgtow

i should listen to the vidya and not just read the comments but there are good points in the comments.

i mean it cuts to the core of my self, as i used to be a huge mgtow but now i am moving over towards the racial stuff in my older age. and a lot of my mgtow stuff came from the fact that i was/am bitter, over failure and disappointment with women. which leads to blaming of the self and an inferiority complex (“im just not good enough to get a decent woman”) with some woman blaming as well (“50%-75% of modern women are promiscuous stupid crazy bipolar sociopath narcissist psychopath slut  high number 30+ guys babykilling coalburner mudshark single mom betrayer parasite hypergamous hamster sellout evil stupid crazy soulless monsters degenerates”)

dont get me wrong, i blame myself for being a weak loser omega as much as i blame women for being degenerate monsters hahahaha.

ie, i am such a weak man the only women i can pull are degenerate monsters, who in turn Reinforce my negative thoughts about women, and probably my self.

i guess the fact that i had a successful friendship with her for 2 years counts for something. well of COURSE it does. it means i CAN connect with a WOMAN on a meaningful level for a long term period. that is huge. it means there is hope for me yet. that i am not some total wizard autist who cannot talk to women at all.

also it is important for me to understand that i didnt deserve that kind of treatment. i was not perfect at all, i could have been more…..alpha and strong and manly and courageous and brave and bold and MASCULINE. but i wasnt abusing her, in fact i had relinquished all my power to her, and she understandably found that weird and uncomfortable, but in my defense i didnt know what i was doing, i was kinda acting out of fear, fight or flight, and sliding down a slippery slope, and my idea of “fighting” was just frantic flailing like a drowning man, total desperate grasping and flailing because i couldnt fathom the thought of Losing Her.

on the other hand, when you have to reject a person who obviously has feelings for you……..FOOKING DO IT NICELY PLEASE. dont SHAME them while you reject them. if you had the worlds worst abusive relationship for years, ok maybe, and maybe she was so annoyed that she felt i made her life a living hell.

well there is a world of difference between being ANNOYING and being ABUSED.

and also being ANNOYED and having your heart totally broken.

maybe i should make sinead my waifu hahahahaha who cares about the flat earth, she is pro white and attractive and is pro-white-children and probably recognizes that monogamy is best.

did she bang the black guy we see in the pictures? is she obligated to tell us? is it any of our business?

well……i dunno how obligated anyone is to do anything, but SINCE she is a pro-white activist, it would be a good bona fide for her to directly address the COAL BURNING rumors.

heck even if she just banged one black guy 50% of pro whites could probably get over it. i mean ive made mistakes too. were all human hahahahaha. we just want to know she isnt a liar, and that it isnt a long term pattern.

shit i mean the woman of muh dreams who i threw my llife away over banged a black guy. i should be calling her coal burner mud shark bla bla bla. but i honestly dont care because it was just one guy, and she hasnt BEEN with a lot of guys, under 5, and she probably will not go Back to Blacks after this one mistake.

yes i think its a good bona fide for a woman not necessarily to State Their Number, but if they’ve been with less than 5 guys, to be proud of and signal their non sluttiness. you dont need to tell me your number, but if you say its less than 5, shit i would be happy with that!!!!!!!!! all need to know. less than 5, shit. just glad its not over 30 hahahahaha.

nonsluts should be signaling their nonsluttiness as much as sluts are signaling their sluttiness.

say you have to call your car insurance company to see if they cover a “hit and run”of somebody hitting your car in a parking lot then driving off. and you cant understand your complicated policy, or cant find a copy of it. WHO YA GONNA CALL for answers, advice, and help? you call the fooking insurance company  OF COURSE. its their JOB to service your damn insurance policy, and therefore to understand it and know about it, right? you want to CALL them and TALK to someone who UNDERSTANDS better than you do. someone who gives you confidence that they know what they’re doing, know what they’re talking about, can make sense of your policy.

and theres the rub. the poor schmuck youre calling is a Fookin New Guy who makes no more than 15 DAH at absolute maximum, and he understands your policy even LESS than you do.

uhhhhh well reading the language in this policy makes me think….leads me to believe…..i THINK what its saying is bla bla bla….. yeah it kinda looks like it might cover this…… uhhhhhhhhhhhhh good question let me ask my level 2 insurance agent that question, i’ll be back in 5-10 minutes…….yes i told him that…..well what he said was, and maybe this makes more sense to you than it does to me hahahahaha…….nope you cant talk to him directly, he’s helping 20 other level 1 agents just like me……how do i know HE knows what hes talking about? jeez i dunno. i dont know what im talking about so thats why i went to him…….nope you cant talk to him, as i say, hes slammed with 20 questions right now. but he said your policy doesnt cover this, so sorry, youre gonna have to go ahead and pay $2000 to fix your own car. nope nothing we can do. nope you cant talk to a level 2. welp you can try to call back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, im just a fookin new guy who doesnt really understand shit sorry. nope you cant speak to my manager, but i will tell them you complained about me and our whole department. i promise i will pass that along.

its cringeworthy, and how do you think it feels to be the level 1 employee in that situaiton? GOD FOOKING AWFUL, I CAN ASSURE YOU. because you WANT to HELP, you want to do your JOB, you want to make people HAPPY, you dont want people getting mad at you because the insurance company is not gonna cover shit, OOPS GOTCHA you got the wrong insurance policy, HAHA GOTCHA! because its a hit and run and the other driver didnt give you his insurance info, nothing we can do, HAHA GOTCHA! although I could never say haha gotcha. i was like damn that sucks i cant believe my company is screwing you like this, but theirs nothing i can do and no one i can transfer you to.

that is why i am VERY hesitant about seeking jobs where dealing with Complex, Complicated, Confusing issues from Customers is a main part of the job.

yep in my 12dah opinion, this is what your insurance policy is saying. i guess maybe you could hire a lawyer for 300 dah to give you a more authoritative explanation? sorry were just the insurance company youre paying for your insurance policy, we dont really know about the policy.

being put regularly in situations where you dont know what you’re doing; you dont feel prepared or trained for this; YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO TELL THEM. “what should I TELL them”?????

yeah i hate that because i dont like feeling like an idiot. “well ok maybe youre not an idiot outside of work….but at work….youre kind of an idiot. you dont know how to DO YOUR JOB.”

fook you phaggot.

simple, straightforward, yes or no customer questions are fine though. they are WELCOME!

but explain why this piece of shit is “WORKING AS INTENDED”? fook that. no i cant explain. because its not cost effective to fix it. ITS NOT A BUG, ITS A FEATURE. ITS WORKING AS INTENDED. yeah but its a piece of shit and clearly the intention SUCKS. fix the INTENTION. nope sorry too expensive cant do it. hhahahaha. so you learn to bullshit them with yep ill make an official suggestion and forward that to product development team, probably wll take at least 2 months to build it in tho, so sorry, im sorryabout that.

and then of course just close the case because We Dont Take Suggestions For Features hahahaha.

i am very ethical. i honestly want to help the customers and to make sure the company is doing the right thing for the customers. in my previous job i didnt really get very many scammers. and the shit was so CONFUSING you couldnt TELL whether somebody was trying to scam or not.

this confusion of not knowing what youre doing for 10 hours a day does not build your confidence. it eats away at your confidence.

so yeah i dont want to even apply for Customer Service for Insurance COmpanies, are you KIDDING?

its the insurance companies JOB to DENY CLAIMS. NOPE SORRY! GOTCHA! cant really explain why but thats what my superior, who you cant talk to, said! my best understanding of his explanation is bla bla bla…..yes i explained what you said, to him…..but you dont trust me because i am clearly not good at explaining or understanding things. ok. let me read you exactly what i typed to him. ok lets you and me craft the perfect sentence, and i will read it back to you word for word, well wait 5 minutes for a response, and i will read back what he said word for word, and together we will try to decipher it, using this indecipherable insurance policy as our guide. this is what your insurance company pays me 13DAH for hahahaha

when really they should be paying 20 DAH for how ridic that job is, but then your insurance would cost even more. and the agent wouldnt necessarily know more, they would just be better compensated for facing the firing squad all day erry day.

an angry customer just wanting an explanation and you are not able to give it to them because YOU dont understand. so you literally have to force yourself to understand as quickly as possible, then explain THAT convincingly as to why you can’t help the customer in this situation.

but muh baby is dying of cancer, what do you mean you cant pay for any of his treatment?

well uhhhh it kinda looks like you went to this one doctors appointment 3 days after the cutoff period, so uhhhh technically the cancer is then a preexisting condition. i think. the policy is confusing innit hahahah so sorry about your kid/mother dying, nothing we can do hahahahahaha

yeah that kind of shit i cant handle. i would go back to stupid technical support before i went into INSURANCE. there you are saying no to people even more. i dunno its hard for me to say no especially when its impossible to understand the companys policies.

when i was young and rebellious i made bad choices. i attached my rebellion to degenerate and nihilistic things: alcohol, MJ, pornography, unfocused hatred and anger against the normies, self pity, feeling like a victim, atheism, anti-religion, leftism, marxism, sjw, and still i didnt really like women!

but it would have been nice to attach to a positive movement like pro white or reaction or far right hahahaha back when i was an EDGY teen hahaha.

well i was nihilistic and degenerate until like age 27 anyway. it took me TOO long to realize how risky mgtow was, it played on all my insecurities with wimminz.

of course wimminz were always a huge issue for me, always on my mind. but i mean reactionaries have a more positive view of women than mgtows do. and the fact is, i NEED women. i dont want to live WITHOUT women. i will ALWAYS WANT women, or be into the idea of a Special Woman to be Wife and mother of children, inparticular.

and even when i have NO women in my life and am essentially living a mgtow life…..im still thinking about women ALL THE TIME.

anyway. note to women. when you have to reject a guy who likes you…….do it nicely. even if he ANNOYS you. is he being blatantly mean to you? or just a big weak coward omega?

just very ridiculous that one of the most important women in my life could just….do something so monstrous. its dissonant. incongruent. its not right that she should be remembered in this way. a decent person who did a horrible hurtful thing.

well its not as bad as CHEATING right? no probably not. and dont plenty of people cheat, and break the heart of their lover, who thought they were a great person? such a decent person! I cant beleive they cheated on me!

what if i met an asian gurl who loved me and was very nice; AND i met a white gurl who had tons of baggage, high number, crazy, but she loved me and was willing to have children with me. both women love me and want to have children with me. one is an asian gurl with very few red flags, and the other is a white gurl with a decent number of red flags. which one do you choose? i would WANT to choose the white gurl becuase i prefer white gurls and i want white children.

ideally you say you choose neither, you find a better white woman.

but what if youre getting old and you severely doubt you’ll find a better white woman, and this is the best white woman you can get?

well i would say, if you’re 50 years old and havent had a child yet, go ahead and knock up the trashy crazy white woman. this is assuming she actually loves you and would be loyal to you. which i guess is a tall order in itself!

basically i worry i wont find a better quality white woman than this one. and i guess on paper, tehnically, That Woman was a step down in quality from the previous woman, who had been with EVEN LESS guys, and had a better family life, good relationship with father, normie as hell, mature communicator.

when i first met That Woman, possibly a part of why i didnt immed fall in luv with her, was because i felt she was a STEP DOWN from the previous woman.

hehehe but eventually i fell in luv with her anyway. cuz she didnt fail the absolutely worst dealbreakers: being a huge slut, or being blatantly insane crazy. plus she was nice as hell to me! that certainly helped win me over. its nice when women are nice to and WANT to HANG OUT with you. then it SUCKS when they start avoiding you and ignoring you hahahaha.

it was the porno for so many years, combined with the lack of contact with women for so many years. i didnt realize how degenerate porno was. i was happy to rebel against religion! but i couldnt see that porno was still degenrate and immoral regardless of religion. also i couldnt possibly view religion as a possibly good thing. i was an edgy atheist.

like i say, i think this edgy atheist nihilism degeneracy might be characteristic of OLDER millennials, while the YOUNGER millennials are actually on a good righteous moral Fashy Path. they are Getting it. they are seeing the example of slightly older failures like me and learning from them. good for the young kids, bad for the old failure virgin neets like us hahahahaha.

i was never dumped/rejected because i did something horribly wrong, like couldnt stop cheating, couldnt stop drinking, because i hurt the person who loved me too much. i was always dumped because they lost interest in me, didnt HAVE interest in me, beause i was too weak, too beta, too needy, too inferior. this definitely sets you up for an inferiority complex!

so then you think eveyrthing you do is needy. you think you are always needy or weak even if youre really not.

for example texting someone 100 times a day is need. texting them less than 5 times a day, probably not. especially if you are taking days off of texting altogether.

wanting to hang out with somebody every day is needy. wanting to hang out with somebody once every few weeks is NOT needy.

also, plain old FEELINGS can be misinterpreted as NEEDINESS by the other person, ESPECIALLY if they dont share the feelings.

well, i PROMISE you, that when THEY had feelings like YOU do, for whoever, that THEY were JUST AS “needy”.

remind them to put the shoe on the other foot. walk a mile in your shoes. really truly actually literally empathize. tell them that. tell them, well, when YOU really liked somebody, how did YOU act? before you accuse me, take a look at yourself, you fookin hypocrite hahahahahahaha.

and then MW had RamZPaul come on RIGHT AFTER jared taylor. hehehe this is almost too much. he could have gotten a full day out of ramzpaul. shit i hope ramz comes back! ramz is really good but his videos are too SHORT and too silly! but i think he is gradually becoming more serious. and its always good to have a LONGER discussion with him. so yeah ramz is getting there.

also jared taylor for only 45 minutes hahahaha. is this REALLY IMPOSING on him SO much hahahaha. is he doing MW such a BIG favor? i mean he is a natural. he clearly LIKES talking to people. and taylor speaking eloquently probably comes EASY to him. this is what he’s GOOD at. its not like me going to my stupid job for 11 hours a day, where it took every ounce of life out of me.

its not needy or controlling or abusive to want the person to not date other people! ask them, look, listen, come on, when YOU really liked someone, did YOU want them fooking other people? HELL NO!!!!!!!

my problem was, ALWAYS was, i got too strong feelings too soon. like if i were making out or having secs with a cute young girl, i would start to get feelings hahahaha.

also i think its NORMAL AND NATURAL to start getting feelings once you start getting physical with a cute young woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or even if you dont get physical with them, if you are in proximity with them for a while and start becoming friendly with them. like what happened with Previous Woman. though i still got feelings for her too quick. i had feelings for her before i even first officially hung out with her.

but with That Woman, i hung out with her and actually became friends with her before getting feelings. and this was totally new to me.

so, it was kewl i didnt get feelings for her TOO FAST…..although i still kinda did. when it finally happened, it was 0 to 100. and then i couldnt put the genie back in the bottle.

the real lesson to learn is, how to MATCH/MIRROR your feelings with that the woman has for YOU. in other words, i shouldnt have gotten feelings because she clearly didnt have any for me.

well, at the time, i wasnt so sure on that! there was a time when she was SO nice to me, that i couldnt help but think she might have feelings for me! oh those were the days hahahaha

yep that was a long time ago. once i started getting WEIRD, she stopped being so NICE.

which caused me to be WEIRDER, which caused her to be less and less NICE. when finally she dumped me with no niceness whatsoever.

not really what i needed at this point in my life. what i REALLY needed was to have a nice GF and actually go out with a nice gurl longterm and monog for damn once finally! and i thought i found a great person for that.

but instead it ended in a very bad way. what is the LORD trying to teach me here. is he trying to show me whos the boss? bbbbbut i swear i wanted to have a loving christian one man one woman procreative traditional rel with her! wife her up and make some babies! no joke! i have been a degenerate in the past but why would G-d STILL be PUNISHING me for that? is that just the kind of g-d he is?

this is a holdover from my edgy youth, when i thought of the “scumbag god” who wants to deprive you from all your earthly PLEASURE. which then I supported hedonism and degeneracy and now i understand that god is RIGHT to reject that shit. now my mind is in a much more godly place, i want nondegenerate, traditional, man wife children rels with women, and still failing.

WELL. to be fair. even when i was a degenerate, i had nondegenerate feelings towards the women. i wanted to have more or less traditional, monog, loving, loyal rels with them, even when i was a degen 21 year old. i still wanted to Go Out with them. it wasnt all about degen fooking. it was about having a serious rel.

so yeah in other words i had something good and nondegen and righteous in me right from the beginning.

shit as soon as i became interested in gurls at age 12, i was a huge White Knight, wanted to have a Loving Loyal Rel with a Decent Woman. a real Partnership. With Mutual Luv. no controlling or manipulation. just 2 people luving each other and staying together for a long time.

it might be disney white knight stuff, BUT i also think its good and traditional and nondegen. and i had it from Pre Puberty. so thats a GOOD thing is what im saying, for me not being a degen or nihilist at heart.

anyway. yeah i could have told her sooner. but she could have been nicer to me.

i know women hate omegas and weakness……but she still could have been nicer to me.

i could have acted better…..but just because i messed up didnt mean i deserved to be treated THAT badly.

i made a mistake, but it was not such a hurtful mistake that i deserved to be punished like THAT.

I would never do that to somebody if the roles were reversed.

and i will never understand why she couldnt. even with the  Occams Answers of: Easy Way Out, bad father, chaotic family life, trust issues, possible mother issues.

maybe if i had all those i would do this to somebody hahahaha.

and so i just have to accept that this is it. this is all the closure im gonna get.

shit. if i could ask her WHY? WHYD YOU DO THIS TO ME? even she probably wouldnt be able to answer. she doesnt even know why she did this. again, a combination of the occam answers is most liekly.

or, she would give a bitchy answer like YOU MADE ME DO THIS. which i dont think is right, and which i DEFINITELY dont need to hear.

i really want to know the Dynamic of her major boifran. when i first met her she was very hush hush about him. but she wasnt hush hush about other things. so why him. well because things were on the outs probably. by the time i met her, 1.25 years later, they were done, and i think that last year was just all pretty bad. ok fine. so how was it in the first half? i think he was probably still really stubborn but he also drank a lot hahaha. then he stopped drinking. he probably had his own badboi issues right from the very beginning. but he was not a cheater. well i dont know though. i dont think he was. i met him and he was a good guy, just very stubborn and not a great fit for her, and she def loved him more. honestly i think he was just a full AUTIST and didnt know how to relship hahahaha. thats all. he was a stubborn autist. but a decent guy. but not a great guy for her. he didnt luv her enough. i luved her more than he did hahahaha. but he was such a stubborn autist he prob got comfortable in the rel and had no desire to go out and cheat. he was prob ok just getting drunk and having her being nice and loving to him and doing all the work hahahaha. i cant overstate, how nice it is when women turn on that nice womanly charm and are all nice and warm and loving and supportive to you. i dont get it very often hahahaha. but its VERY nice to get. very addictive.

say i met a nice white gurl like sinead mccarthy hahahaha. but she has big red flags too. flat earth? her troubled youth which i dont know too much about but that it was kinda troubled? i should just listen to that damn interview where she talks about it. perhaps a psych ward, perhaps oppositional defiant disorder. point is, she could be certifiably crazy. and youre not supposed to TRUST crazy.

but were all crazy in a way arent we?

yeah but women are more likely than men to go to shrinks and get diagnosed. usually as BIPOLAR. the even more crazy ones graduate to BORDERLINE.

but shrinks are bullshit right? meds are bullshit.

nonetheless i still think a “bullshit” diagnosis of BIPOLAR and especially BORDERLINE is a red flag.

if that woman went to a shrink, what would they diagnose her as?

basically im saying, couldnt JUST ABOUT EVERY WOMAN get diagnosed as bipolar at least, IF they went to a shrink?

anyway. the job frustration always boils down to, youve gotta give somebody bad news aka you cant help them, you cant do anything for them, because…..some stupid reason that doesnt make sense which you cant even explain to them because it doesnt make sense to you.

there are no articles on the internet on how to deal with this.

what i would do is go home after a long day and then STUDY the shit i didnt understand, until i sorta understood it better. because noone was gonna understand it FOR me.

https     ://forum.therightstuff.biz/topic/4376/is-it-possible-to-leave-autism/4

TRS is good people, right up there with millennial woes for me. they are certainly friendly towards each other.

shit 7th son is gonna be on again tonight. good man.

and red ice again AND wife with a purpose too! i do like her. not sure if she is as crazy as my other waifu sinead mccarthy. although sinead might be hotter hahahahaha. wwap has a weird face but she is not ugly ugly and she has FIVE fooking white children whom she homeschools. FIVE kids. some sinead haters seem to think she is a bandwagon jumper. i dunno. i mean sinead is still in a probationary period for me. ive listened to more wwap and wwap might be getting out of probation pretty soon, she seems to check out.  very glad to see her on MW and hope they will have one on one talks in the new year.

but its great seeing MW transform himself, stepping up to the big leagues before our very eyes. to go from being a 30 year old neet to being a man who is finally getting the respect, recognition, and luv he deserves.

like us he used to be kind of a loser but he overcame. and we are witnessing his big rise to glory right now. it is amazing. he deserves it. i just hope he makes the hangouts more regular, and has these guests on again. TRS, WWAP, greg johnson, it is just glorious. i am thankful.

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=sPIx4x4949511-4120689xs4hj2x4

http://www.seemypersonality.com/Personality-Report?x=MAQx4x4949511-316468xs4hj2x1

hehehehe my personality and relationship reports

i should try to eat less than 1700 calories a day

shit as we speak MW is doing the Female Edition with WWAP and lana from red ice ie henriks wife.  not bad. someone in the chat said they had invited sinead aka shiksa goddess but she either said no or didnt respond hahahaha.

good god, now ROOSH is in the chat room, this is just ridiculous hahaha. this is the biggest thing i have ever been a part of hahahaha.

anyway the other epiphany i had today was:

IF SHE HAS SECS VERY EASILY, SHE WILL DUMP YOUR ASS AND BREAK YOUR HEART VERY EASILY. She will treat hearts with no more care than c0x. and both should be treated very carefully.

But yeah if she thinks nothing of taking cox, you think she’s gonna care about breaking your heart? so dont fall in luv with sluts. easier said than done though, cuz its POWERFUL when qt young girls show enough interest in you to have secs with you……….and then the interest is gone, becuase they show this interest to EVERY guy, briefly.

so i was glad to find a woman that wasnt Like That.

MY PERFECT HIGH SKOOL SYSTEM

1221

shit. i accidentally saw the worst thing i have ever seen since perhaps “3 guys 1 hammer”, and i hesitate to even describe it! it was just godawful. would like to erase it from my memory. it was “basically” a “crushing” video but even worse. where a “woman” was using a high heel to gouge out a fluffy little animals eyes and pierce its skull and grinding into its skull with a god damn fooking high heel through its eyes and brain and skull. i think it was a dog like a fluffy little dog. you are not used to seeing the animal in such a position. it looked like its little legs were tied with a weak ribbon and it was helplessly squirming around and thank god i did not have the sound turned on. and the woman was just grinding the heel through its eyes, into its skull, jesus christ. i mean come on.

i didnt even realize what i was watching, it started right out with the heel in the eye, in progress, and how are you supposed to recognize and process that.  after like 10 seconds it sunk it and i was like oh jesus i hope this is fake. how could something so horrible be real. oh dear god cannot be unseen.

i couldnt pull my eyes away, like i had to see the horror. although i think i did not / could not watch the whoel thing. it was like a 1-2 minute webm video.

then i hid that post and shortly after reported it to Mods. meaning THEY are gonna have to LOOK at it! but i think alot of innocent readers of the 8ch thread got mindfooked accidentally watching the same thing.

i mean it COULD be fake. but it didnt look blatantly fake and i am not willing to look at it again!!!!!!!!!

it haunted my mind as i tried to go to sleep.

thankfully i was able to sleep. i had a weird dream but nothing like that horrible video.

HOW did i see such a horrible thing you may ask? i was reading an 8ch.net/pol/ thread that was actually very interesting and good: when you are “dating” someone you think is Red Pilled, but they turn out to be horribly Blue Pilled. you think they’re cool, but they’re not really cool, and you feel disappointed and maybe even somewhat betrayed. hehehehe. had some relevance to me. it was a great thread and worth saving/linking…….except that one god damn post more than ruined the whole thread.  yeah i mean it really takes time to get over seeing something like that!

i think the post the awful poster was trying to make was, stop white knighting and orbiting the 1 woman in this thread, because women are pure evil, see what they can do!!!!!!! its a WOMAN doing this stomach churning, brain boggling evil!

i think that was his point.

which is a valid point, but he was clearly an unhinged true woman-hater broken man mgtow type. because you dont have to SHOW this kind of thing to prove the evil women are capable of. shit this will make you think women are MORE evil than they really are. the guy has to have a screw loose to have a copy of this video on his computer, and to then post the video to 8chan, to make anyone watch it.

he hid it behind a “spoiler alert” question mark so it didnt show up right away. you had to click the spoiler first to get to it.

note to self: read the responses to such posts before clicking on the question mark hahahaha.

i mean i had spent some time on 8chan earlier that day so had already seen a few pcitures of big black dicks, and dead bodies, and decapitated bodies hahahahaha. but i was not prepared for this.

and that is only right and just. i hope NEVER to be prepared for THAT. the PROPER reaction is HORRIFIED. the proper reaction is to have it haunt you at night. if you didnt have that reaction, then youd be a damn PSYCHOPATH.

anyway the guy was massively butthurt that there was a gurl talking in the thread and all the 8ch betas were trying to impress her. and i an understand the butthurt all too well. i dont like women coming into muh safe male spaces, because all the lonely thirsty betas fall all over each other trying to impress the gurl, because your Political / Social / Religious / Philosophical MOvement is 99% Thirsty Beta Virgins.

oh god i gotta stop using that word “thirsty” its gay hahahaha.

but yeah when a gurl enters these Spaces (the word space is gay too), it TOTALLY changes the dynamic. 1 gurl can change the dynamic of 100 men. if those 100 men are all desperate lonely hugless virgins!

it sidetracks the entire discussion and becomes desperate one upsmanship to compete for the woman!

kinda RUINS the INTEGRITY of the discussion.

obviously if all or most of the men had GFs or at least fook buddies, they wouldnt be so sidetracked by one gurl entering the discussion.

its so obvious that we are all SO DESPERATE for a woman that we would fall all over ourselves to appease and impress women who are ideologically, politically, morally OPPOSED to What We Believe. just gimme some leftist marxist communist baby killing SJW special snowflake anti white anti traditional puppy torturing college gurl action!

ok and the dream i had it involved some green gas that blew up in peoples faces and made them incoherent and stupid permanently. even just a little bit of it had a big impact. you breathed just one puff of it and you were a retard 4 lyfe. and kids were acting like this was the cool new drug.

anyway when i was a young nihilist throwing my life away i would sometimes look for edgy shock videos, faces of death type shit, to prove how tough and badass and nihilist i was hahahaha. yep a bad idea because you do become desensitized. but at some point i stopped looking at shit like that, i never got too deep into it thank god, and never watched any Professionally Produced and Staged Animal Torture Videos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

really watching porno was more damaging to me. cuz i watched porno regularly since i was like 15 or 16!!!!! holy shit! and i didnt realize how it could warp your mind. especially when you never had anything to do with real women.

i mean i can not look at porno for MONTHS now but i fear the damage is already done.

stupid nihilist.

heh. if a gurl can get an abortion then she could be paid to kill a puppy with a high heel into its eyes. good lord. you wonder what that woman is like in evil life. probably cant tell her from any other woman hahahahaha. probably goes oooohhhhh soooo cuuuutteeeeeee when looking at puppies and babies. then kills them for degenerate oil sheikhs for 10 grand a pop hehehehehe.

i mean there ARE people who watch this sort of stuff, prob jerk off to it. i am thankful i am not THAT fooked up!

but yeah that kinda ruined my day! got the woman off my mind tho hahahaha.

4-5 months and nothing from her, well i guess she has forgotten about me hahahaha. i was hoping thanksgiving, xmas, new years might make her nostalgiac, make her RETHINK things hahahaha. but nooooooooo.

when i first met her i thought, well shes a nice gurl, but too much baggage for me to get really involved with.

then later i was like nope not too much baggage at all. very nice gurl. not a slut. some issues but who doesnt have issues. we all do. i have huge issues. i can totally live with this. i luve her.

then it was like how could she do this to me. well because she just has weird rels with men. but what woman doesnt. they are all sluts who let way too many men partake of their most precious resource.

so they say, in order to meet good traditional women, go to where good traditional women are. like church. or meetups of traditional neoreactionary nationalists racial realists hahahahaha. see the latter is all men. a sausage fest. and the few women are either attention whores, or they already have 5 kids. the latter is great. but…. damn. That Woman was not “A Traditionalist” but she was traditional where it counted, mainly she was not a promiscuous whore. and she was not super feminist. and she was kinda anti-gay if you can believe it. she was not in favor of the big gay marriage thing. so these things allowed me to put her on a pedestal as a really Cool Red Pill Traditional Gurl.

but the bad news was that she was just THAT bad at communicating with me.

she could communicate with me about some things, like her first boifrand, but other things, like her second boifrand, and most importantly her rel with ME, she could not communicate worth SHIT about those important things.

i wasnt great either but i tried to put it out there. but got shit on becuase i was so weak and unmasculine.

well i try to be more strong and masculine when i am with women but shit i had a moment ok???!?!?!?!?!

5 scoops of coffee per pot, that seems better.

anyway. yeah just the never knowing. was the whole thing a fantasy? fook that i know she felt close to me from…..say oct 2013 to about nov 2014. after that she was picking up my signals and then she started distancing. couldnt talk about it. could only distance. well i mean i see why, lots of people distance and avoid and are too cowardly to confront issues. i have done this myself. many a time. just not really with such DEVASTATING effects on another person!

thanks to everyone who likes and follows muh blog.  ideally i would do a youtube channel and maybe even google hangouts hahahaha. but then i would expose myself and not be able to be a leader in the reactionary movement hahahaha because my NEUROTICISM is not a great leadership quality in that universe.

heh. muh neuroticism has impacted a lot.

that feel when people can just look at you and tell within 5 seconds that SOMETHING is MAJORLY wrong with you. wait, youre saying youre 30+ years old, a jobless neet, quit your job because you cant handle being rejected by a gurl you never even fooked, have a college degree but you never made more than 15DAH and never moved out of home, had secs with only 1 girl, 2 times, 11 years ago, and have been spendng the last 5 months moping and whining and bitching? WHAT THE FOOK IS WRONG WITH YOU ????!?!?!?!?!?!!??!???!????!?!?!??!

hehehehe well muh poor fam does enable me cuz they dont know what else to do with me!!!

fam doesnt know what to do with me, i dont know what to do with myself, so i take 20 mg of citalopram a day, go to shrink once every 2 or 3 weeks to deal with the artificially prolonged crisis of being Harshly Dumped and trying to get a job. any job at this point.

waaahhhh wahhhh

anyway i was gonna say yeah youre not gonna meet Single Women if you go to meetups of your interests, because your interests are 99% male anyway hahahaha.

also, single women DONT NEED TO ADVERTISE and congregate in groups. they can pick their mates remember? and the ones who dont get married young have a big screw loose! they always think they can do better! and often pick the worst men! so yes actually they can do better, they just dont want to pick anything other than a thuggish deadbeat dark triad badboi, and if they have a history of picking that, uhhhhh they are not gonna stop picking those AFTER 25 hahahaha

hmm ad for a cnc machinist for 60 hours a week, need recent 12 months working experience, they dont want shiftless jobless bums hahahahahah. and 2 years of cnc experience. of course it costs 4500$ to do a cnc training program hahaha.

whats an od/id grinder

inside diameter outside diameter. i think this can tie in to CNC or computer numerical control.

there are a decent amount of “machine shops” in the area but uhhhhh i have no idea and no experience hahaha

i am just going to google maps and looking near muh home in like these industrial / commercial parks, finding the big buildings that have linked names of companies, machine shops, grinding, cnc, aerospace, metal, steel, suppliers, OEM, injection, molding, plastics, pumps, tools, dies, tooling, power, boring, drilling, grinding, hahahaha all this shit i have no idea what it means or wat do. but jobs for grown up working class men over 30. that are definitely not straight customer service or restaurant or retail.

heh wish for high school i had just done a cnc program in one year, an hvac program another year, an electrical program another year, a welding program another year.  shit if all high schools were like that every kid could be making 15DAH at age 18, rather than struggling to make 15DAH after 30+ hahahaha.

maybe have a month for customer service, a month for restaurants, a month for retail, a month for banking, a month for technical support. a month for carpentry, a month for od id grinding hahahah, a month for health care, a month for

basically…..ok.

MUH PERFECT HIGH SCHOOL SYSTEM FOR WHITE HOMELAND

kid has 4 years of high school right. uh they get 3 months off for summer. well you know i would have then work coops or internships during the summer to get experience in a company. these would be arranged by the school and no keed would be left behind hahahaha. no literally the school would place every kid into a summer work program, give the kid a choice of course, give us your top 5 choices from thsi list and well try to accomodate. no interviews, no competition hehehe. cuz EVEN HUGLESS VIRGIN AUTISTS GOTTA WORK FOR A LIVING.

also the kid would make money for his summer work. not some bullshit unpaid internship. the kid would learn the value of work, and the value of money, and not have to do it at fooking MCDONALDS, but doing something semi “skilled” right from the age of 14.

ok how about, each CLASS would be on a JOB/CAREER. take 8 classes every school year. 32 classes in 4 years.

use The 32 to learn, gain experience and knowledge, and make decisions about their future work.

i would say totally immerse them in each module for like 1 month. 1 month per class. and then just like train them like you would for a job. 2 weeks of training and then 2 weeks of on the job, with the same companies who would employ the students during the summers.

is this how they already do it in germany hahahahah with the Dumb Kids?

well I would include Smart Kid careers in there too. doctor lawyer engineer researcher scientist etc.

you could pick The 32 from the list of fastest growing, or probably better would be Most Job Openings. and if the most Job Openings are in McDonalds, then you teach from the point of view of a Store Manager.

  1. electrician
  2. hvacr
  3. welding (is that the same as pipefitting???)
  4. plumbing
  5. cnc machining
  6. mason / stone
  7. wood working
  8. carpentry / construction
  9. automotive
  10. aerospace
  11. medical doctor
  12. nurse
  13. police
  14. fire
  15. lawyer
  16. mechanical engineer
  17. tech support
  18. systems analyst
  19. accountant
  20. restaurant
  21. retail
  22. biotech
  23. machine shop
  24. banking / finance
  25. (this is all off the top of my head super fast) teacher
  26. Software Engineer
  27. Electrical Engineer
  28. restaurant server
  29. call center
  30. customer service rep
  31. sales (these to all work on your peopel skills!)
  32. priest / religious

ok im cut off now hahahaha. note that these should be focused more on ACTUAL JOBS and job titles and Jobs that actually exists, rather than DEGREES which supposedly prepare you for a range of jobs.

NO. I will prepare them for the ACTUAL jobs, one by one.

there will be a number of very customer service oriented jobs so they get experience and knowledge on how to talk to people and build people skills.

that will then probably help them with Dating and Friends and Social and taking care of their life.

well…life skills are very important tho and many families dont teach them. so i would teach:

33. dating

34. communication In Relationships

35. renting a house

36. buying a house

37. personal finance and not going into debt

38. cars

39. health care

40. retirement

41. good physical health

42. good emotional health

just spitballing on some important life skill classes. i think we could tack on an extra year to my Awesome Super High School!

and then the kids could go to college if they wanted………..or they could start making at least 15DAH right out of high school. actually I would MAKE them do that for at LEAST one or two years. two years.

they could go to Cheapest Community College or Online COllege in their spare time if they wanted.

then after 2 years of work minimum they could go to a University for a Job Oriented Degree. STEM of courshe. all non stem departments would be shut down and the marxist phds made to work in call centers, restaurants, and retail hahahahaha.

of course the kids would work with counselors throughout their schooling. and the counselor WOULD get them in a summer work as well as an after skool job. trying to match it up halfway decently with the kids Skills and their personal Preferences. for example everything I was GOOD at, I also HATED. this is why i eventually Gave Up on everything.

oh thank GOD MW is doing his MIlleniyule Hangouts. they have richard spencer on there right now, he is talking quite a bit. he is a pretty big name. these hangouts have been getting some pretty big names. yesterday they had greg johnson and henrik palmgren. day before they had sargon of cukkad hahahaha. i guess we are not supposed to like him because hes dishonest. i am fine with not liking him hahaha. but he is HUGE on youtube. these “celebrity” level types basically do this for their CAREER, and woes is having them on for the very first time. basically meaning the Big Guys have been noticing Woes, AS THEY SHOULD. CANT CLOSE THE WOES. MW is awesome.

i wouldnt blame him if he wanted to take a break rather than doing 7 days in a row!

THE CHADS THEY CHOOSE

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so more and more people are identifying as gay shit like demisexual and asexual and aromantic and many years ago before the younger millennial teenz got into this shit, i thought i might be asexual because i had no success with wimmin.

but no i am not asexual or aromantic cuz i do feel those feels.

however i feel the strongest and most profound feels for people i actually know, which techincally makes me a “DEMISEXUAL”, which i thought was so goddam weird that it required its own special term, for what in the 50s was considered normal, because NOWWWWW people just fook each other and throw them away, or they fall in luv for like 2 days and then its over.

a breakover is a breakup where you use the devastation to begin your life anew. gay author greg berhrendt advises a 60 day “HE-TOX” of NO CONTACT. see, NO CONTACT is obviously such a good idea, even stupid people recognize its value. well i have been like fookin 90 days of no contact bitches hahaha.

anyway i thought……

so she PUNISHED me for being COWARDLY and ANNOYING, by being so MEAN and HARSH and “nuclear.” that was my punishment for being weak and cowardly and annoying and pushy and afraid and omega and sissy.

i dont think its in proportion! sure what i did was not great, but it doesnt merit a punishment like that! thats like beating somebody to death for eating an extra cookie out of the cookie jar. thats like making somebody put 9000000000000000000000000000 dollars in the Swear Jar for saying Damn.  thats like raping your children 900000 times a day because they were 1 minute late once.

also…….. i have my sexist woman hating devils advocate in my mind, where if i were to say, the problem with the modern age, is people are treating sex as strictly recreational, rather than procreative, was my stupid evil internal woman could say…..THATS RELIGIOUS. IM NOT RELIGIOUS you shitlord, small minded sky fairy and such.

well YOUR BODY DOESNT CARE IF ITS RELIGIOUS OR NOT, shitloads of nonreligious women are getting pregnant hahhahahahaha.

anyway to assume Most Women would fail to grasp this super easy logical distinction is very sexist you shitlord hahahahaha. of course women know that nonreligous women can still get pregnant………..right?????

also, its NOT really a religious way of thinking.

well, its what you believe is the FIRST function of Sex.  and of course, in the modern age, “IT DEPENDS” onthe situation. if you are in your 20s and want to have fun with chads, then the first function is FUN. if you are 35 and are making 300k a year and have conquered the career world and now want to Start Settling down, then its first function is procreation hahahahahaha.

yeah its almost worse than a death. because the dead person returned your feelings. it was a good rel. here, the person ends the rel BECAUSE they dont share your feelings, and they are still out there Loving Other People and Loving Life, they just kicked you the fook out because you were good enough. very painful!

yes. def takes closer to 200 days than 100 days to Get Over Someone hahahaha. Really the only way to do it is to Not Contact Them until one day they become a Faded, Distant Memory. takes a damn long time.

as an unpopular outsider weirdo introvert male, it can be hard to relate to Women, because even the INtroverted OUtsider Women are, in a way, one of THEM, one of the popular Normies, because the nerdy women are still picking the Popular Normie Chads and the Alpha Males. the big winners who make 300k a year and have good careers. and then wonder why dont all guys make a lot of money. because they must be losers. or why arent all guys charming and fun and have a lot of friends and are popular. oh well they must just be losers.

Quiet Shy gurls end up becoming more normie and more chad because that is the kind of guys they Date IE Fook, make babies with.

so shy quiet guys might especially get demisexual feels for quiet shy gurls, but the quiet shy gurls still go for the popular normie alpha extravert chads. the popular kids in high school. the adult world is just like high school, just even worse hahahahahaha.

yeah i thought i might have had a CHANCE with that person, that she wasnt totally out of my league, but she also wasnt totally shitty either. like the only people in my league are gonna be undateable white trash who are batshit crazy, bipolar, borderline, sociopath, psychopath, ridiculous issues, abadoned by father, raped by stepfathers for years, raped by badboi boifrans, huge long slut phases, heavy drugs, cutting, go out partying with booze and drugs and get gangbanged, manny abortionz, taking the pill for years because casual sex can and does happen at any time, usually every time you go out to party; horrible tattoos, narcissist, etc. just bad news type women. this is the best i thought i could get.

so THAT PERSON had SOME issues but not a lot, not enough to be horrible. plus her issues were things beyond her control, just more or less a sad unfortunate life growing up, but she hadnt turned into a total mess. also i dont blame women for getting raped or molested, but unfort women who were raped or molested at a young age often turn out to be a huge mess later. thankfully she was not raped or molested. just abandoned hahahahaha. so she did not grow up to be a huge slut or partyer. but it did make her prone to being emotionally retarded and prone to abandoning other people. like me hahahaha.

ok need to call the dr, i am running out of MEDS hahahaha.

so women go CRAZY when chad or tyrone dumps them. they STALK them, they constantly stay in touch and try to manipulate him to get back together, they slut it up, and the media says now now. this is amusing and somewhat humorous but its not the best idea sweetie. meanwhile if a man does the same thing he is a sexist shitlord abuser rapist. well because men are higher up in the power hierarchy. the patriachy. when men do it, its punching down; when women do it, its punching up against the oppressor holding you down, thats WHY its ok for women and NOT OK for men.

well i went crazy but i never stalked her! and i went no contact and did not really try to manipulate her! well i sent emails begging her to respond to me and please try to End The Relationship Better. that was it.

ok called the dr. sort of sounded like an unemployable unmatable idiot, but not to many likes or ums or vocal fry hahahahahaha. they said they would call me back either way, and try to get the dr to rewrite the prescription, the person i talked to, The Front Desk Receptionist, was very good. took less than 2 miuntes and didnt even write out a script beforehand hahahaha.

what makes more sense, Getting Over It 1% per day, or less than that? like .5 percent a day? uh yeah methinks its closer to .5 . how about .25 hahahaha.

just ASSUME ONE YEAR. its gonna be rough for ONE FULL YEAR when you LOSE somebody THAT IMPORTANT to you.

what was my secret to becoming close to her? absolutely NOTHING. it was the EASIEST, most NATURAL thing in the world. there was no planning, no worrying, no manipulating, no scheming, no practicing, it just happened smoothly and naturally. she began working at my place of easy work in october 2012 or november; i had just gotten “dumped” by That Previous Woman; i was happy to just have a friendly woman i could talk to easily. we talked about music and news and conspiracies and i thought well she is a nice sweet gurl, kinda troubled, but very nice. and arent we all troubled in some way. we would go out to lunch or coffee and just talk and it was so fookin natural and easy. the only thing that wasnt easy was talking about her boifran, or me talking about my luv life, but everything else was smooth and easy. after a year or so of this, we were Friends, and she felt more comfortable talking about the probs with her Boifran. and i still didnt have feels for her cuz i had put her in that box of Unavailable, plus i was still kinda in that box too.

anyway we just CLICKED naturally and i was known as a shy and not super social person, and she was kinda the same way, but when we got together we talked like we had a real connection, and the managerz at our job tried to keep us apart so we didnt talk so much, they were surprised to see ME of all people turning into a chatty cathy.

me, a chatty cathy. who would have thunk it.

well i DO write like a chatty cathy hahaha. but i gotta find a SPECIAL person to be able to TALK to them like this, like i write. and she was that special person. its really not surprising AT ALL that i came to get feelings for her. she didnt have to be so god damn mad about it. its surprising it didnt happen SOONER. i probably could have trained myself to make them happen sooner, but i Respected Her Rel too much and didnt want to interfere with it. but as soon as it ended, I Began Thinking. Hmmm shes a quality gurl and I would be lucky to have a gurlfran like that.

alas it was not meant to me.

i watched this “documentary” on the band katatonia who i used to be really into, i was big into them in 2000-2004, when i was young, i was fully on board during the “last fair deal gone down” and “viva emptiness” days, muh two biggest albums for them. anyway the documentary was great but it was also amusing to see that these guys were also just big degenerate drunk normalfags, when i thought they were so different. they would go on tour and get raging drunk every night like 18 year olds. i guess i cant blame them! and its not really surprising. its just interesting to hear them tell the stories. also the fact that they had gurlfrans and jobs and babies. i kind of wanted them to be severely despairing losers. but no. they would just work their jobs, be in luv with their gurlfrans, have babies, make great music, get drunk, and never lose control of their lives. i really liked the singer because he seemed so grumpy and despairing. but hes just a nonvirgin normie like the rest. how did he keep his job at the post office with a bad attitude like that? how come i cant get a job at the post office hahahaha. also his bad attitude did not stop him from getting a gurlfran who loved him enough to have 2 babies with him; and to hold down a job; and to be super creative making great music. how the fook can i relate to this????!!?!?!?!?! it was easier when i was younger.

anyway they are still a great band, and this video is very fun to watch, and degenerate normie norvirgins or not, they are still well worth listening to, and can help you channel some good angst and despair.

“despair” carries some connotation of “worrying” as well. like its not a perfectly chill kind of despondency. you are still worried about something.

how do these drunk losers get a fulltime job at the post office? they cant be customer facing with a bad attitude like that! but ALL JOBS are customer facing ALL THE TIME. so how does he not get fired? and taking all the time off to go on tour? what kind of father is he to his children? what kind of husband is he to his wife? does he cheat on her? does she cheat on him? is she a piece of total trash? why did i ever look up to this guy? because when i was young and grumpy and troubled i felt he was a kindred spirit of myself. i mean i can totally still see it. but he loses some grumpy grouchy cred by being a winner in many ways, and also as an old man, i have much less tolerance for the degenerate booze soaked rock n roll lifestyle, with disgusting disease ridden groupie sluts.

normies gtfo reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

or when gurls pretend like theyre socially awkward, you know whats socially AWKWARD, when  you havent made out or had secs with a woman for 10 years hahahahahaha.

secs is an inherently intimate act which they actively strip the intimacy away from; they actively cheapen it. well i guess so do the guys, the CHADS, they choose to have fun recreational nonintimate degraded degen secs with.

THE CHADS THEY CHOOSE.

I choo choo choose chad hahahahahahaha.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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so yeah i cant convince myself that i didnt deserve the punishment i got. i try to, but i dont succeed. basically i tell myself, yep, what i did was REALLY THAT BAD. because women naturally hate cowards and pussies. always have, always will, thats the way nature made us. just like men dislike sluts.

yeah well i dont think its as Morally Repugnant for a Man to be a Coward, as it is for a woman to be a slut.

i mean its not great, but its not in the same ballpark of shamefulness imho.

a woman being a slut hurts other people.

a man being a coward hurts mainly just himself. well unless he is called upon to defend his wife and family but then runs away.

but he’s ALREADY MATED.

i guess you could say he’s a Deadbeat, Deadbeats are too COWARDLY to MAN UP and tkae the Responsibility of taking care of their kids. that would be the best example of cowardliness hurting someone else.

so a deadbeat dad is about as morally wrong as a slut.

ok fine i can get behind that.

but i dont think its necessarily COWARDICE, its more laziness or just not wanting to take on that extra work. not that theyre SCARED, they just dont WANT to.

but it might be too much to ask women to differentiate this.

Just as women dont like sluts because it means the kid might not be theirs, women dont like cowards or weaklings because they might be deadbeats and run off on their kids.

SO WHY THE FOOK DO YOU MATE WITH THEM? YOURE THE CHOOSER! WHY CHOOSE MEN WHO WOULD BE BAD FATHERS???!?!?!?!?!

I mean, compare Dreamy Steamy Chad Thundercock with The Cowardly Lion.

so i dont think its COWARDICE per se.

besides, dont you think the cowardly lion would make a MUCH better father than Chad Thundercock? who’s more likely to run off on their kids?

basically its Alpha Fooks, Beta Bucks.

but the betas gotta be alpha enough to MAKE that much money. making a lot of money is not easy! youd think it would go along with the same confidence and charisma; that this is attractive to employers the same way it is to women, and i think it is.

men dont choose women who would be bad mothers! (ie sluts)

i mean men dont really CHOOSE women anyway, but if they did, they wouldnt choose sluts!

and if the sluts get pregnant, the guy very understandably says SEE YA! i dont want to HAVE BABIES with you! you are no more LOYAL than a MERCENARY! how do i even know that kids even mine! go get an abortion bitch! i aint payin child support!

because he knows the slut isnt the type of woman he wants to be with long term.

heres a video with MAH BOY MW and the qt reactionary gurl TTWL on a google hangout. i dont trust qt gurls especially j00ish ones but yeah she could cure me of muh asexuality hahahahaha. i mean my white female friend was hotter, but TTWL could still get me to say yes to secs hahahahahahahaha even though i swore off of j00s. but i am not successful and confident enough to pull a young qt………..even if she is a nonwhite j00 hahahaha. shit i mean i thought j00ish gurls were supposed to be UGLY, like lena fatham hahahahaha. no not necessarily. but their leftish baby boomer j00ish mothers and cucked lapdog jewboy fathers tell them its ok to ride the chad carousel and get as manny abortionz as they want.

i was on my 5 mile walk and walking on the bike path portion and a jewish man rode his bike past me. i almost crapped my pants because jews dont live in my town. this is not a jew friendly town. i never met a jew until i went to a middle class jewniversity, and then i never met a jew again. jews simply do not exist in my world, except through the degeneracy they force down the goyims throats on the televitz talmudvision. so to see a real life actual jewish man in the wild was INSANE. i say he must have been jewish cuz he had those stringy things hanging out of his pants, i forgot what they were called, those jewish clothes. and he had a beard. maybe he was orthodox jew. that would make a lot more sense. cuz i think orthodox jews still live in Upper WOrking Class neighborhoods with goyim. i mean there isnt even a jewish community center within 20 miles. anyway i should have stopped him and treated him as a Jewish Information Desk where I was Entitled To Impose on him for Information and his Time hahahahahaha.

anyway its just stupid that my female friend will just give it up to anybody, quickly.

well what is my evidence of that.

even the short term boifran she had, i think she knew him for a while beforehand.

(maybe that was why i thought i could possibly “upgrade” from “friends” to “Something more”, because he certainly had!)

i would need to know how long she knew the FIrst Main BF before having S with HIM. it was probably a little while. cuz he was the first man she was ever with. i dunno i guess i could email him and ask him hahahahahaha.

i mean i never had a huge problem with HIM other than he oculd have treated her better, but i generally got along with him, and she was happy for him that i was being friendly with him, cuz she thought he needed more friends, because he was autistic and didnt ahve any friends.

so yeah i dont have any proof that she fooks guys quickly without knowing them.

when you have major Cognitive Distortions, you must QUESTION EVERYTHING that goes through your mind.

well what is the BENEFIT of holding that belief? well it would mean she is just a crazy whore and make it easier to blame her. also easier to hate her and distance myself from her.

what is the CONS of holding that belief: uhhhhh it might not be The Truth? because Muh Perfect Angel is not a crazy whore? well shes not my perfect angel either!

besides even if i think of her as a damn whore, its not like im shifting ALL the blame off of me. i will ALWAYS be aware of my participation here. namely, when i said damn and had to put 900000000000000000000000000 dollars in the swear jar. when i got caught doing a Rolling Stop, and got punished with The Electric Chair.

yeah i admit it. i said damn. i didnt stop fully at the stop sign. whoops i should have stopped at that yellow light instead of speeding up. so sorry.

“If you have anger issues how well do you really think you’ll do as a front line support tech?

If you have issues dealing with a particular sex how well do you think it will go when you are constantly in stressful environments with them?”

Eli the computer guy.

bbbbbut maybe i didnt do just a rolling stop. maybe i crushed a little old ladies head with a fire extinguisher and kicked puppies and clubbed seals and tore the head off a small child and sewed rabid rats into a womans pregnant stomach, and i thought all this was the moral equivalent of a rolling stop!

but do i really????!?!?!?!?!

is being A COWARDLY WIMP about saying “HAY I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU” the same as doing the ol 1984 burning rats chewing off your face in the rat cage face mask torture thing???? IS IT REALLY??!?!?!?!?! I dont think so!

ok time for another 7miler at the fatness hahahaha. and to pick up my meds. thankfull the dr refilled them for hopefully 3 more months. if they force me to go in after 3 months then i will ask to get it jacked up to 40 mg.

well SHE thought i was TORTURING her. so in a way it was like the Frenzied Rat Eating A Hole In Your Face or Stomach Torture. and i was the frenzied rat rather than the sadist applying the heat to the rat hahahahaha.

sometimes i think i should CONTACT not HER, but other people we both know, for example her x boifran, who i knew, or this woman we both know. and ask THEM to ask HER to please please please respond to me!

i dunno i gotta go.