well i will get over the idea that i did a horrible thing and betrayed her and am a bad guy…..

but its much harder to get over the idea that I Failed The Shit Test. She was giving me a shit test because thats just what women naturally do to weed out weak willed men, and be selective, and find good stronk mates, and weed out the weak………and i failed the test and showed myself as weak. failed her shit test.

but i have my doubts that this was an actual shit test, vs her just being super shitty.

now i realize ALL shit tests are subconscious, and the women dont know theyre doing them.

and that shit tests are essentially women acting like Full Retarded Immature Children. and that is stupid and shamefur.

the proper response is to say, i’m not gonna take your shit baby, THIS ENDS NOW. youre acting like a CHILD and you can talk to me when you want to act like a grown ass woman. but i dont negotiate with bratty little children.

then the gurl melts and says ooh thats just what i wanted to hear, you passed the shit test, i luv you now.

also….. i thought shit tests came AFTER the gurl has shown SOME interest in you, most likely have SECS by the third date. but she doesnt really know you and doesnt know if youre a real enough man to continue having secs with her.

also, i failed shit tests with women before, bascially dumped for being Too Beeta……..but they still were NICE to me when they dumped me and didnt go apeshit and treat me like a piece of garbage, or it was my fault for being such a horrible person.

in other words, failing a shit test STILL doesnt mean the woman gets to throw you away like youre a horrible person. they can STILL empathize with you as someone who is gonna be hurt.

but i dont know how shit tests work in Friends First situations. when you already know each other. she had known me for 2+ years, she knew who i was.

are they testing to see if youre willing to just walk out on them if they give you shit?

well i wasnt willing to walk out on her exactly because we already had an established relationship for a long time, and you just dont GIVE UP on people like that, unless they are a trifling brat you JUST MET.

now with shit tests you cant say “just talk to me baby, and we’ll work this out. tell me what you want baby, and i’ll do it.” thats FAILING the shit test.

you have to say, im the MAN, and im not gonna stand for this. STAHP. THIS ENDS NOW. I wont take this shit, we wont talk this out, you’re gonna stop throwing the tantrum, or im gonna find a BETTER WOMAN.

well, its hard to walk out on a qt after youve BANGED her, because you want to bang her MOAR, plus the secs might be naturally, rightfully causing your brain to produce like-like-chemicals. so your willingness to put up with shit and not walk away is increased.

when walking away is not the same thing as giving up. when you you walk away because youre saying “i can do better than this. i dont have to put up with this shit. this is retarded.”

vs walking away as giving up: “i dont want to put in the effort to work on and improve this relationship. im done with them. its over and im pulling the plug.”

i dunno i think BEING ASSERTIVE is not a bad thing. i was never good at being a DICK to women becuase i was always THIRSTY (hahahaha) and DESPERATE for female attention and approval and liking and loving.

but i think you can be assertive and stand up for yourself and say i dont like the way youre treating me, you need to treat me with more respect or were done.

do women see assertiveness as being not masculine enough? or do you need to be more aggressive than assertive?

i dont think aggressiveness HURTS. except when you are being aggressively pushy, creepy, bugging them to hang out when they dont want to hang out. and you are persistent in a stalkery way.

the best advice i have thought of recently is: WHAT WOULD TRUMP DO. WHAT WOULD THE TRUMPENFUHRER DO in this situation, with this woman. how would HE show assertiveness to this Bratty Bitchy Woman whose trying to bust his balls?

THAT is what you must do.

would he let some gurl say oh not now, but later. later. later. for months and months? fook no. hed say, were going out to bla bla on saturday at 7 pm. done. be ready or youre fired hahahaha.

shit. when this first started going on she made it sound like almost playful and possibly flirtatious, like youre the guy, you pick the place. and i responded pretty well like, OF COURSHE ill pick a place, i am decisive as fook and if you dont like it, your loss baby lol. and joking with her. and tyring to point out how i wasnt such a nice guy, i am a total asshole, its my way or the highway. was trying to show that side to her. which i still think was a good idea! but then she STILL kept bailing on me. still making up excuses. i said youve got two strikes already baby, and believe me you dont want a third! youre treading on thin ice! which i thought was halfway decent Game for a sperg autist neet virgin wizard like me! and i still do!

but it didnt work, cuz she still kept up with the lame excuses.

at that point, i should have said THIS ENDS NOW. STAHP STRINGING ME ALONG or i’ll hang out with somebody who doesnt.

and because i failed to do that, i lost out on muh lifelong wife and mother of my children, cuz i made one misstep and responded to one shit test incorrectly hahahahahaha.

again my game was not Perfect, but it was OK considering, and at the beginning of it, it didnt seem she was Stringing Me Along too much. so i continued the Playful Banter and things werent weird yet.

and the excuses werent really THAT lame. some were, like i was sick etc. others were like oh im upset because my cheating boifran cheated on me and im sad, and i thought her opening up to me about that was progress.

but yeah. you could have finally Broke Down and agreed to hang out over Thanksgiving or Crimbo. so I guess things were weird by January 2015. because i had fully expected to hang out with her around tgiving. that was disappointing. that was strike 1 or 2. i thought well if tgiving doesnt work out, xmas or new years definitely will. xmas did not work out. i even blatantly asked her if she wanted to hang out on new years. I DUNNOOOOOOOOOO. THAT should have been strike 3, and on new years day 2015 i should have said: OK. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. THIS ENDS NOW.  but instead there was tension for the next 7 months. and then devastating, pathetic heartbreak for me ever since that.

but do i really WANT a woman who has made the decisions she has? when she has to make big decisions and prove her mettle, she Chokes and chooses Poorly. and its TRAGIC because she can really do better. but do i really want someone who Chooses Poorly when it matters the most?

well i often thought, well, other white women arent much better. i mean how PICKY do i want to be here? we get along well, we know and trust each other, shes been with less than 3 guys, shes not annoying, shes nice, really the pros outweigh the cons here goy, where am i ever gonna find a nice, young, pretty, less than 3, no kids white gurl? wy the hell shouldnt i go all in with her!

shes made a couple of bad decisions, and i wish she had a better father but thats not her fault, her family is good despite that, were all human, ive made some REALLY bad decisions too, and most young cute white women have made a lot worse decisions! i could do so much worse, and really, considering my status, im not gonna do any BETTER!

i dunno. i TRIED to have game at the beginning. i thought i was Gaming pretty well considering me being an omega wizard. gimme a little CREDIT for THAT hahahahah!

but the game didnt work. she kept flaking. now was that because my game was not strong enough? and i should BLAME MYSELF for that?

well the true alpha would say, welp i screwed that one up, but i learned a lesson, and i will do better with the next woman. lets just move on from this.

note well that i am more about marriage game and traditional wife game as opposed to casual sex pulling degen sluts degenerate game!

also, HOW HARD IS IT TO HANG OUT????? i can see soem bitch youve only known for a month and had casual secs with, now blows you off and doesnt hang out with you because youre TOO interested in her……

but how do you Friends First Game?

average Game says, theres no such thing, youre in the Friendzone Forever.

I say, well just tell the gurl your feelings have changed. and then get soundly rejected because women dont like having Adult Conversations, because Serious is not Sexy. You have to speak their bullshit dumb retarded signal language. at which point you are better to be Aggressive He Man, than Assertive Lets Talk About This.

so stupid. what does heartiste say is proper Friends First Game?

i TRUST heartiste because he is pro-white and he is also TRS-approved and he understands the big picture.

even ROOSH is coming around to that, but we dont like Roosh because he is a Kebab and he makes fun of the alt right hahahahaha. ful disclosure: I bought “Day Bang” like 4 or 5 years ago and still dont realy want to get rid of it. i think white wizards like me can learn some basic solid game from a “kebab rapist” like Roosh. but yeah. he shouldnt have mocked the alt right. that was really stupid. not just the alt right, but WHITES. i can’t tolerate that.

plus him going around banging HUNDREDS of white girls. even if they are degen sluts. he is not being a part of the solution. to degeneracy.

but yeah. it just makes me very uncomfortable to think that the average unmarried white gurl is gonna be more or less ok with casual sex.

well this is the DEFEATIST shit schlomo WANTS me to think! NICE TRY SCHLOMO!!!!!!!!!

back in the day, DEFEATIST talk used to be up there with TREASON as an executable offense! or at least you got the shit beat out of you. and then went nuts and Kd yourself and others like private pyle hahahaha.

i have always felt like private pyle unfortuantely hahahahaha.

just to be crystal clear, i dont support the poolside, enjoy the decline, watch the world burn bullshit. i might have been seduced by that DEGENERATE, HEDONISTIC NIHILISM when i was younger, but not anymore. there are values much much much higher than MUH DICK.  and thats all that shit is, is muh dick.

i luv TRS because not only do they have a fun forum, but they have totally engaging the Memeplex and are changing the meme game in a bigger way than any pro-whites ive seen so far. creating memes, changing the language, creating our own language, “dog whistling” to other shitlords with words like “AGENCY” and “TIME PREFERENCE”. not to mention the more jocular memes/words like “cuck” and dindu and gibs which seem to be penetrating our language.

what they are doing is great and exciting and important. and i have been pro white since 2011 hahahahahaha. ive read stormfront and vnn and they are fine and dandy, but TRS is the next big thing and i am GRATEFUL i discovered them.

they would tell me forget about that lost cause mudshark……..but they would also say i am a total beeta lost cause myself, so when you tally up the scorecard, i would have been lucky to pull a white gurl like her. young, less than 5 dicks, no kids, so what if she is a little mudsharky and has no father. pros outweigh the cons. i am a past my prime, 30+ loser who made bad choices in life and now reaps what i sow. i am luck that a white gurl even wanted to hang out with me. the best i deserve is a “BROWN MIDGET REFRIGERATOR” (description of guatamalan/mestizo brown women hahahaha, stout, stocky, short, stumpy, and very unattractive hahahaha.)

i am serious about wanting to date only white girls…..but with my low mate value, i have to find a white girl with ISSUES.  and i did! and i felt they were not dealbreaker issues!

or i could just IMPROVE MYSELF which is what proud white men are SUPPOSED To do. life is a constant journey of SELF IMPROVEMENT for the white man.

heh. for me that is super duper hard. i am losing weight pretty good and trying to treat my Despair with meds and occasional shrink hahahahaha.  i have quit drinking and quit MJ. but i still like MJ and I wish i didnt LIKE it!!!!!!!

i have quit porno and have not looked at it at ALL in…..111 days at LEAST.

i dunno. i had a good upbringing so i cant blame my family. they were just too protective though, if anything they were too loving! and in that sense were enabling of bad habits that would not serve me well as an independent adult who could Survive in the World of Work and Women.

Classic Spoiled Kid Affluenza syndrome reporting in!

but yeah i dont like Dating because i dont think women should be having secs before 6 months into an official relationship, at LEAST; and i dont like the fact that women cant talk about shit and solve problems like MEN hahahaha. im mad at women for not being MEN. hahahahaha.

you cant HATE women for being immature insane bitches. its part of BEING A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN.

i dunno. i can accept women being VERY different from men, i just WISH they didnt HAVE to be immature, insane, destructive bitches! is that to unrealistic to ask?

probably not.

remember, those crazy bitches i fake dated and made out with and had secs with, who dumped me for being too beta and a doormat and not masculine enough and too interested in them, they still tried to dump me politely and nicely.

heh. j00ish women j00d me less than a white woman. its really discouraging when white women j00 you even worse than ACTUAL j00s hahahaha.

so yeah i can finally believe that i didnt do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND EVIL.

i have a harder time accepting that it was more than a matter of game. if i had just GAMED her better, i would have gotten her. and my major mistake is failing this SHIT TEST.

i would like to think there is no one size fits all way of passing a shit test. donald trump does it one way, uncle adolf does it another way, vlad putin does it another way, the southern gentleman does it another way. i would prefer to be assertive ratherly than overly aggressive, and not be too huge of a dick about it. because thats SAFER hahahaha. because what if being a dick to the woman actually offends the woman and drives her away? hahahaha. yes i am being slightly sarcastic.

bbbbbbut its hard to be a dick to women when you are a desperate doormat who is desperate to not be left by them.

i wish there were a good authority on Friends First Game i could turn to hahahaha.

of course the idea that there is a Game for every situation is pretty degen, see the hilarious twitter account return of kangz whcih is a alt right, pro white parody of return of kings which somebody from TRS forums is doing probably.


it seems to be making fun of Game, from a pro white perspective hehehehehe. i dunno. its a really new twitter account but looks promising.

i dunno.

see, i thought Friends could just TALK to each other freely without using stupid GAME.

i thought friends could just HANG OUT with each other REGULARLY.

but i didnt WANT to be just friends.

well i was FINE with being friends at FIRST.

then things changed.

then i wanted to have a friendly talk about that change and just put it out there like a mature adult. no shit tests, no signals, no ultimatums, no bullshit.

but maybe its because im an unmasculine mating market loser that i even THINK Game Is Stupid. If i were a successful man, I would appreciate and respect the Game, as i respect the Differences between men and women.

i respect the differences between men and women, but i still think Game is stupid.

but MGTOW is kind of stupid as well. just pussies giving up and embracing foreveralone as some kind of moral signaling. nope. i dont buy it anymore. im as done with mgtow, as she was done with me hahahahaha.

there are better ways to morally signal hahahah. like by saying you are a traditional white man who wants to have a traditional white family with a traditional white woman.


he would say, “listen. the first couple times you blew me off, that was understandable. you were going through some tough stuff. but I really thought you would hang out with me around tgiving, crimmus, or new years. enough is enough already. youve been avoiding me for 2 months. this is not ok. this ends now. either we hang out this saturday at 5 pm or you CALL me when youre ready to stop stringing me along and start treating me with the respect i deserve.”


put that on a fooking flashcard and MEMORIZE THAT QUOTE.

i am looking for an EPIC DOOM BAND that is MORE EPIC THAN CANDLEMASS.


Candlemass is great and nothing but respect. but i want 10 minute songs, not 6 minute songs hahahahaha.

yes, i am fully aware candlemass invented epic doom and has an album called “EPICUS DOOMICUS METALLICUS.”

yeah i will also take epicish gothic doom death. like my dying bride. that is more than epic enough for me. maybe what i’m looking for are those “gothic”, super melancholy Two Guitar Harmonies.

google how to deal with a shit test

looking for somewhat trusted sources, not easy



ok. so you treat them like the BRatty Little Sister. you dont hate them or want to hurt them, but you want to SHOW THEM WHOS BOSS.

WOMEN HATE MEN WHO NEED TO BE TOLD TO BE DOMINANT. hahahahahah. whoooops failed that shit test hahahahah.

Commanding respect is especially important for the kind of testing where they’re just being an annoyance and generally disrespectful. IMO disrespect should not be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud, and is an important way to maintain frame control. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who’s being disrespectful. You don’t get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won’t stand for it. In a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You’re taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic. For example:

Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.


he seems pretty degen but there are some solid things in this article, poignant tuff feels you will have felt hahahaha. but he watches pron hahahaha. anyway decent article, cant vouch for the rest of the site.

yeah he likes pron too much and hates women too much. and doesnt like to heartiste. but i can basically understand where hes coming from. plus i HAD to read an article called “confessions of a reformed incel.” he went TWELVE YEARS without sex, and i think without even cuddleing or making out, any contact with women basically.

welp… its been 11-12 years without actual secs for me

11 years since touching pvssay, and cuddling

10 years since making out

so….almost as bad hahahahahaha.

11 years since cuddling wow that just sounds SAD hahahahaha.



this is prob muh favorite style. straightforward, no bullshit, no games, clear, direct, honest, short, to the point.

i dont even disrespect RANDOM SLUTS as bad as she disrespected me. how could she do that? im talking about archetypical degenerate, mudshark, casual sex, 30+ dicks, bastard babies, stupid retarded corrupted white skanks. i treat them with the utmost disrespect as a group, and she treated me worse than THAT. showed me less respect than THAT.

if i know someone as an INDIVIDUAL, that counts for something. if i god forbid knew one of those sluts, i would probably treat her with more respect as i would the GROUP. on an individual one on one basis, i try to treat EVERYONE with respect.

the idea she could do that to ME. someone she was once Good Close Friends with. its MIND BOGGLING.


trpalternate 55 points 1 year ago
For the married guys in here, I’ll add one thing that I learned from experience: If you’re faced with passive-aggressive behaviour, ignoring it will, at best, postpone the problem. Passive aggression isn’t the same thing as a veiled shit test. The entire purpose of being passive-aggressive is to niggle at you until either you become cowed by guilt and fear of disapproval, or until you set some boundaries.

You have to confront passive-aggressive behaviour, preferably immediately. When you do so, be firm but not aggressive or angry. Make sure you shoot down any denials (e.g. “I didn’t mean to hurt you”). Also, don’t let her flip the script back on you. If she tries to deflect with something like how you don’t do enough dishes, you can say something like “We’re not talking about dishes. We’re talking about [Insert passive-aggressive action].

Set limits and follow through. Make sure that she knows that further behaviour like that will not be tolerated. Also tell her that if if there is a problem, she is to state it to you directly.

In my case, about an hour after the discussion, she asked me to apologize for getting upset with her. The absurdity of the situation got the better of me and I let a chuckle slip out. Then I told her that she was the one in the wrong, so she will be doing the apologizing. She did. One year in, and that was the last passive-aggressive snipe I have ever dealt with from her.



gotta dig into this.

you know it seems like less of a shit test and more that she was JUST AVOIDING ME. SHIT TESTS means theyre still INTERESTED, conditionally of course. avoiding you means they just have no interest whatseover.

avoiding is not a shit test.

therefore it was not a shit test that i failed.

anyway they way the more sex obsessed game types talk about women, you think, god damn these women are disgusting, are all women like that? and the gamers would say yes of courshe. all women are immature little cheaters and sluts. i dont like that idea hahahaha.

it sucks to find a Decent Woman and they do something really bad.

why cant they just disappoint you A LITTLE? they have to disappoint you WORSE THAN YOU COUL EVER IMAGINE.

and i dont give people shit tests. i realize even MEN ive each other shit tests all the time, but i dont even do that.

these PUAs are clearly degenerate and the women they fook are clearly degenerate, and i hate to think that All Women Are Like That. that SHE is like that.

maybe she was just chill and nondramatic because she partook a lot of MJ. do i REALLY want to be with a woman who does a lot of MJ? turning your mind to MUSH, and probably makes you MORALLY LAZY as well? not being able to do the right thing when the time comes?

well i wanted to do MJ with her, chill out and cuddle together, and i just cared that she was not a slut. had a low number.




i think heartiste has another blog and this is it

heartiste was one of the first guys i read that really got me thinking, and i still come back to him. i read him when i was an approval seeking shitlib. helped me see the error of muh ways! and he is still great. i think he is probably on board with pro white K selected family stuff.


i like how he mansplains stuff that really shouldnt need an article to mansplain. why do sluts make bad wives?


oh dear god. beta college boy dating dominant abusive woman, she goes batshit breaking shit making noise, cops called, they make them visit a college counselor, girl complains about man being WEAK and counselor says that Your Weakness is a Triggering Issue for her, maybe you should work on that mkay hahahahaha. so you dont force her to beat you with a shovel.

yeah this guys a huge pussy and doesnt even deserve an abusive gf…….but even weak unmanly shitlib sjw swpl phaggots dont deserve to be abused and threatened by their relship partners!

degen icelandic feminist whores sing triggering song about how they are huge buttsluts who love to take it up the ass. because it destroys patriarchy and destroys toxic masculinity and shows solidarity with oppressed gays. an acceptable form of appropriation hahaha. also stick it to the prudish squares. let your white daughter become a horrible anal wh0re hehehehe.


heh heartiste might be ONE OF US hahahaha


8pol thread related

ive been rejected by women before……but this one has been THE WORST.

yeah i will survive, i am probably getting a little better, but shit. at this point my woman hating levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

but the good news is that more pro-white than ever before. i might even just admit that I Am A “White Nationalist.”

well i dont like labels, but i am definitely not Anti White Nationalist! And I Am White and HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING WHITE!!!!!!!! and I feel great loyalty to my RACE.

prior to 2012 i was very open to Race Realism but I didnt want to apply the label to myself. Was not all hardcore 1488 hahahaha. but when i got rejected by woman2012 i decided to go all in and be like fook it. i hate nonwhites and women hahahaha. im not trying to win any bitches approval. if anything i want to signal for white women who also believe in the 14 words like me!!!!!!!!!! and countersignal to fooking mudsharks, race traitors, sluts, etc.

oh i can fook whoever i want whenever i want and its not cheating because i never agreed that our rel was MONOGAMOUS hahahahahaha ayyyyyyy lmao idk ikr tbh fam smh

i hate it when bitches harshly dump you because you didnt READ THEIR MIND correctly. and asked for clarification about the complicated issues. i thought women LOVED to TALK about COMPLICATED DRAMA. sometimes but not always. sometimes theyd just rather show you shitloads of hostile disrespect, more disrepect than you would show the dirtiest whore, they show to YOU, even though you were a important part of each others LIVES for YEARS. nope. it dont matta. nunnadis mattas. WHO CARES. MEANS NOTHING. you’re just worthless garbage. like you never existed.


went to Gym and focused mostly on my new incline fetish. no its not a fetish, its just a new interest. SCHLOMO wants to denigate all your HEALTHY interests into “fetishes.” well that said, there are actual fetishes, and they are degenerate and should be shamed and shunned. but dont call a healthy gym thing a fetish cuz its not.

anyway went all out there on at least a 5% incline if not 6, and now feel much more tired and like the muscles got a serious Workout. so i can have a nice Muscular Ass so Tyrone and Mohamed can Pozz me and i can be a good Power Bottom hahahahaha. hahahahaha. no thats obv degenerate af.

but yeah that was good ultimately. think i am getting a cold tho. that is not good but hay at least i dont have to go into the Contact Center with 50 other hacking coughing sneezing people and answer phones all day.

i was suprised at how FEW blacks there were there. because blacks in Contact Centers will often give you the runaround and say they cant help you, get this info and call back, because they dont want to put in the effort and thought to solve the problem. however whites care and whites have real empathy and actually honestly want to help you, so they put their own quality scorecard and therefore their jobs at risk by taking longer to help you. and then bringing work problems home with them, studying in between shifts, until they go crazy and either go postal, K others, K themselves, or quit, because they dont want to be like a black and just quit. well i am willing to quit a job because i am a spoiled neet and a disgrace to my white race!

if the job were less ridiculous i might not have quit it. if SHE wasnt there i definitely would not have quit it. i was not man enough to take both struggles and stressors at once. i broke down like a little omega neet fuccboi boipucci neet wizard virgin manlet with no agency. a piece of white trash hahahaha. even white TRASH was good enough to hold onto the job!

but yeah her karma is a lot worse than mine. its bad karma to quit a job…….but not super bad. -1 to her -20. -30, -50.  it is horrible karma to ABORT or DELETE someone from your life that you had A Good Relationship with for a matter of YEARS. how would ANYONE react to that? even the most normie chad would be PRETTY DAMN UPSET.

and thank god i dont have to LIVE with that hanging over my head forever! she will just push it down deep though and Forget It All. It Never Happened. is THIS REALLY the kind of person I want to be sharing the rest of my life with? OF COURSHE NOT!

but it sucks that she is capable of treating some OTHER guy right and being a great wife to HIM! but she decided I wasnt worthwhile enough to treat with even a LITTLE respect. im not asking for a LOT. im asking for a LITTLE, and IMHO i had a Reasonable Expectation to a Little. and i want reasonable good wifeworthy less than 3 dix women to agree with me on that.

I was BTFOd. COMPLETELY. BTFOD. did i deserved to get BTFOd? no. at worst i deserved to have her bitch at me for a little bit, but that would involve talking to me. she couldnt even care enough to talk to me to bitch at me. damn.

how can someone who you were so close to you, do something SO COLD to you?

i figured she didnt like like me, but I also thought that she LIKED me as a person a LOT. put a lot of VALUE on me. and when people VALUE you, they don’t TUALAPOG/Abort/Delete you.

shift+delete you!

so now if someone says or acts like they value me as a person, how am i to know theyre not bullshitting?

and i dont think she WAS bullshitting.

blame it on the fooking MJ. the DEVILS cabbage. the HERBAL J00. it CLOUDS YOUR MIND and stupid stoners LAFF about that (“the halflings pipe-leaf has Clouded Their Mind” LOLOLOLOLOLOL) and laff about that, without realize it can cloud your mind on very IMPORTANT shit, like making decisions of MORALITY and doing the right thing. throw this person away then just smoke w33d for years and its like IT NEVER HAPPENED. cheat, kill your baby, neglect your children, and just smoke w33d all the time and its like the shit never happened.

see when i smoked weed, if i wasnt anxious as fook, i felt GUILTY for being a bad horrible weak shitty person. smoking w33d would certain INCREASE my guilt if I did something HORRIBLE to another person!

but it doesnt appear to have that effect on her at all! nope! just chills her right out!

is this the type of woman you want to share the rest of your life with? mother of your children? just because shes WHITE and under 30 and doesnt have any bastard kids????

but you get along really really well and feel really close to hahahaha.

maybe i was just so desperate for a woman that that desperation finally sparked my feelings. and if i had real OPTIONS, i would see how she should not be the first priority.

but i had no options. no plates spinning hahahaha.

maybe if i did, she would have wanted me. lawd knows when SHE had some changes in HER relship status, that sparked MY interest and pushed me over the edge!

When she had a Long Term BF, i had no interest in luv, or secs, as women prefer to call it hahahaha.

when that rel ended, i said HMMM. i really get along with this woman very well, we are good close friends, shes not unattractive, shes got no kids, shes got really nice hair and white skin and legs, shes super nice, she treats me well…….HMMM.

(she did not use me as a Beta Orbiter Crying Shoulder Emotional Support, so that was good? although i was very willing to give her emo support if she neeeded it.)

then there was the biggest regret time of july 2014 where we hung out and she was super nice to me, but i was still going HRMMMM and did not make a move.

but its very possible that she was just nice to me because she was NORMALLY nice to me! but once she figured out i might like her…..she became very NOT nice to me. bad sign hahahaha. and imho much more than a shit test or bitch shield.

yep this whole tragic sad story illustrates the tragedy of white trash. they are our white kith and kin and we should treat them as such…..but they are just so goddamn heartbreakingly disappointing. they can come SO CLOSE to shaking off the Trashy aspect and fully embrace their white potential…..but at their highest point, they Choose Poorly and start sinking back into the muck and the mud forevermore. but you WANT to help them. you know what theyre capable of. you know they could be so much better if they just didnt make such bad choices and have such bad habits. usually broken families and drugs/alcohol. the damage schlomo does to these poor white families! it should make your white blood boil!

it almost feels like a religious calling for me. the one thing i am really passionate about in a world of despair and disappointment and failure, largely my own, is The White Race. it is essentially my religion. or as some WN thinkers would say, Nature’s Eternal Religion. Sounds good to me!

who do you hang out with if YOU YOURSELF are the negative influence, and no healthy normies want to hang out with losers? You wouldnt hang out with a loser like you! you know well enough that you should SHUN losers, because bad company brings you down!

well…..hehehehe its not true that i wouldnt hang out with me. ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD. i am pleasantly surprised by my confidence there. i am completely unconfident i can get a job or get a woman, but i am very confident that i am hangoutwithable and that i can lose weight.

of courshe it doesnt help manlets like me to lose weight because if you are under 5’10 you are INVISIBLE to women, they dont care if youre fat or thin. (disqualifying the positive)

well i could get a real shitty job like nonstop customer service in companies with VERY high turnover except by the most desperate, like me hahahaha.

and i could very likely get a 30 year old nonwhite woman, maybe a SQUAT GUAT or a Fat Laotian or a Fat Black Woman. Black Women are usually single and they actually like me. black women LOVE me and show me great interest. well not really but they are generally pretty nice to me. i could probably pull a 30 year old black woman with black kids if i were that desperate. and i dont want to be that desperate!

not that they dont deserve somebody 2 Luv! everybody deserves someone 2 Luv!

but as an avowed out of the closet White Nationalist 1488, Interracial Dating and especially MATING is, Y’KNOW, like kinda important to me!

ridiculous QUOTE from my own What 2 Say In An Interview File:
Economics has taught me that everything has a COST. Also about the laws of supply and demand. Marketing has taught me how to create demand and add value.

do not trash you current company when interviewing for a new job. If they ask you why you are leaving, tell them you are happy with what you accomplished at old company but are looking for a place that can provide longer term growth and challenges.

You HAVE to have a thick skin. You HAVE to be able to take “hazing”, whether its from clients or co workers. They probably dont mean it personally, and more importantly, you have to control your emotions, not let them control you. It may be that the person is testing you to see how you deal under pressure. Of course its under pressure that our true self comes out, and we have the chance to really prove ourselves…or choke. If its a coworker simply trying to get under your skin, you can let their words roll right off of you like water off a ducks back, and even give them a taste of their own medicine. If its a client, you simply ignore the disrespect and “kill them with kindness.” In short, in the real world, people don’t always treat you the way you would like to be treated, and you can’t let it bother you, or you won’t get far in life. Sometimes people also push you or test you to see how much they can get away with, and whether or not you will be flustered by verbal jibes or japes. I have self respect and wont allow myself to be treated as a doormat, however I also know how to respect authority and submit when a superior is ordering me to do something. I personally do not usually test people in this way. I simply use the golden rule and treat everybody the way I want to be treated, and I want to be treated with RESPECT.

you can’t just have a Big Picture View. You have to have a Tiny Picture View as well. Super Macro AND Super Micro. you need to be like the EAGLE soaring above at 5000 feet, and be able to see a mouse on the ground below, and zoom in on it with laser like precision. Essentially zoom in from a 5000 foot view to a 1 foot view in a second, with equal clarity at both levels, and at all levels in between. What good is someone who can see super macro and super micro, but they cant discern the large gray area in between? You might see the forest, and you might see a tree…..but could you see HALF the trees? I bring a wide range of accuracy and detail to thought and vision. I am efficient working and solving problems at ALL levels.

Efficiency without effectiveness is not efficient.

Effectiveness without efficiency is not effective.


I literally have at least 8 hours of me reading the bullshit in that huge file. not sure how many pages it is, but it is 44000 words, which is about 6-7 times longer than this post so far.

WHAT IF once she hits 30 she contacts me and wants to get Together 4 Realz and fully apologizes and feels bad for what she did. Would I be stupid and desperate enough to accept? probably, if that were the end of the story.

so start adding layers of Red Flags.

what if she has a bastard kid from some deadbeat.

what if the bastard is half BLACK.

what if she has TWO white bastards.

she would CERTAINLY have elevated her number above the National Median of 3. But would she be above 10? 20?

if she had NONE of these dealbreakers i probably would.

she would probably be making more money than me anyway ayyy lmao.

what if she had had x abortions during that time?

assuming a woman would tell you the truth about the number of ABORTIONS she’s had. they are more likely to tell the truth about the number of COX they’ve had! unless they are an out and out abortion lover and baby life hater, in which case……very big red flag.

at 30 she would prob still look ok (unless she doesnt!!!!) but she would look a hell of a lot worse than she looks now! she still has a valuable couple of years before she hits 30!

but i’m OVER 30 ffs!!!!!!!

so what. i would have married young if i had the opportunity. i didnt. or i was too weak to MAKE the opportunity. so now im an older man who wants a younger woman. that is pretty natural actually tbh fam.

but i totally would have married young if i were in a good, healthy, LTR with a young, decent woman. i wouldnt throw it away for some grass is greener bullshit, or some Discover Yourself and Experience The “World” bullshit that women do hahahahaha. and throw away good men who loved them and would have been good husbands for them.

well also if i had a decent career too would be a plus. the Top 10% of Whites do have good careers at age 21. you just got to OUTCOMPETE people to get there and be the 10% best in your field. i did not do this obviously.

though i was in the top 10% for grade school and high school! then became Perfectly Average 50% in college, and after college, my stock kept falling and falling hahahahaha to the point where i wont even state the basics of my life because its just too shameful. basically a huge underachieving white neet. nothing BUT shame in my game!

for rich or poorer, for better or worse, through good times or bad. i never met a bitch that was willing to stick with me through the tuff times.

i guess thats not TOO weird. you gotta EARN it. its a STRUGGLE. its a hero’s quest to find your true maiden. i get that.

but uhhhhh how about you just show me a shred of mercy when you BOLT at the first sign of struggle. say SORRY for leaving me in the lurch before you go jump on the c0k carousel.

im not even sure wordly sluts know of the term cok carousel. ive used the term around men who loved it, well that there was a word for that sort of thing, but ive never used it in conversation with women.

they would probably say ewww thats nasty but still essentially BE ON the cok carousel as they say that.

harder to rationalize away that cognitive dissonance after youre 30 and unmarried. better have a baby with the next deadbeat so you can have some meaning in your life and have someone to chain to you, because its sure as hell not going to be a Good Man. so just use an defenseless, innocent little Human Life you irresponsibly created, B!TCH!

hahahahahaha def a bit of an Anger sort of day.

this is why its hard to get along with women and be friends with them. cuz they are such horrible people hahahaha. so its amazing i even FOUND a woman i got along with very well, and became good friends! you can pump and dump MONSTERS, but can you really Like and Respect them? of COURSHE not!

with couples who are always breaking up and getting back together with each other 10 times, they are still talking and fooking and can actually EXPRESS this sort of anger with each other, instead of just leaving the person alone in their own hell which you had a 50% hand in creating.

and after arguing and arguing and breaking up and getting back together 10 times, BOTH people can say, welp theres no gas left in the tank anymore. this is a dead shark. we are BOTH done. i dont hate you, i wish you well, but this rel is dead, and neither one of us can or wants to bring it back. thanks for the good times, and have a good life.

i SO much would have preffered that. THAT would have been 6000000 times better than TUALAPOG.

just let both parties argue and scream until there is nothing left to say, no gas left in the tank, no anger left, no luv left. that would be SO FOOKIN AWESOME. I WOULD LUV THAT. GIMME THAT ALL DAY OVER THIS.

hmm. in like sept and oct 2014, when i was JUST STARTING to get feelings for her, i was like a BOSS. i didnt like my job but i wasnt in danger of QUITTING IT due to Emotional Insecurity; I said YEP i am gonna TALK to her SOON and get that over with, whats next. hopefully find a better job and get the fook outta here and maybe get a Nice GF for once in my life, maybe. I even used a bit of Playful Tuff Guy Chad GAME with her, saying, I’ll pick where were going (because i know thats how to Win Gurls Approval hahahahaha) and such.

then she had a series of GOOD excuses as well as not so good excuses. tgiving and xmas and new years passed….and NO HANG OUT. i was frustrated. I HAD NOT SEEN THIS COMING. I THOUGHT FOR SURE we would have hung out and talked about this by now.

then job got even worse, and i got even worse, and the excuses got worse. i texted her cutesy shit almost every day and got Warm Fuzzies when she responded. but i had dozens of text drafts i DIDNT send her. that were basically playful fun ways of me telling her i liked her. shit i should have just send some of those. then i would have saved a few months, she prob wouldnt have reacted AS bad, and the issue would be out there.  blurting it out does not have to be all serious. it could have been any one of those dozens of silly texts.


i could be dead, in a psych ward, started drinking again, in jail for all she knows.

not that i would EVER K myself over a woman and more importantly, i’d never threaten a woman with that, because thats really really horrible apparently hahahahahaha. then you are the bad guy. then you DID do something horribly wrong and not be aware of it.

WELL I NEVER DID THAT and hopefully never will.

heh. she is prob busy with the busy time at the job right now. hopefully getting the same confusing bullshit I got. i want it to get under HER skin and her to get flustered and frustrated so she knows how I felt. and then have her work friends STAHP giving her moral support. but when has a WOMAN ever stahpped getting moral support. someone is always there to hold their hand through the tuff times hahahahaha. but we MEN do it ALONE.

well i got moral support from other people than her thank god. but it was so disappointing to see someone whod once been your Real Life Friend, shrink back to your Work Friend, to just a Work Acquaintance, to NOBODY.

it happens. but i never left a person in the lurch when they were reaching out to me. i ALWAYS responded and apologized. even if it was kinda half hearted hahahaha. also no one was ever really that DESPERATE to reach out to me. but if they WERE, id respond to them. try to ease their worried mind at least a LITTLE bit. show them a LITTLE kindness to someone who was once my friend.

thats all i wanted hahahaha. just a LITTLE kindness. not a lot.






i CANT APOLOGIZE ANY MORE. i have apologized literally the max a human can apologize. i apologized literally every time i talked to her and emailed her. she’s not “waiting for an apology.” if anything IM waiting for an apology from HER! what, me apologize for apologizing too much? I think i already DID that too!

its like i’m hanging on to the edge of a crumbling cliff and she’s standing right there. she can easily grab my hand which is reaching out to her, please save me, but she just watches the rocks crumble away and me eventually fall to my doom.

or i am drowning and she is standing right there on the boat with tons of life preservers. i am screaming please halp meeeee and she can easily throw one out but she chooses not to , and to WATCH ME DROWN instead.

these are veyr good metaphors / images for what happened.

and I should be apologizing? i dont think so! She should be apologizing for letting me drown!

of course i was thinking, well i should contact her AGAIN, because she is just apprehensive or lazy or doesnt have the courage, and she is just waiting for me to contact her again, she’s ready now.

well if she were READY she would contact ME!!!!!!!!

also when people are in the WRONG, they very often DOUBLE DOWN and never come to their senses! and remain convinced for the rest of their lives that they were right. this is very very common. i might be doing it to convince myself that i am right and she is wrong hahahaha

also it is very very common for people to AVOID shit. thats ALL this is basically is her totally AVOIDING a situation entirely. avoid avoid avoid.

and can i make her not avoid, by popping up every so often?

she obviously doesnt want a Rel with me. she was Detaching from me for a long time. that was HER signal. she said, o god, he likes me, no thank you, i am done with this, but i am too cowardly to tell him and talk to him about it.

yeah i just didnt think she was THAT cowardly though, i thought she was strong.

and yeah it hurts to have someone care about you, then they start withdrawing that care.

at least when someone DIES, you know they cared about you to the living end!

but she gradually made herself stop caring about me ever since she Discerned that I Liked Her!

and i certainly didnt start making myself try to stop caring about her! until recently!

good good let the hate flow thru u hahahaha

fookin bitches hahahaha

never put them ON A PEDESTAL and think oh they wouldnt do that, or they’re different, not all women are like that, shes different, she has morals, she has integrity, i can trust her, she cares about doing the right thing, she treats her relationships seriously, shes emotionally mature, bla bla bla bullshit.

men like to communicate directly, with words and conversations and emails and speaking and talking and writing, to eliminate ambiguity and confusion, to get everybody on the same page, make sure everybody understands.

women like to “communicate” using bullshit ambiguous signals, so that everybody is confused, and will intensely avoid/ignore any attempts to make it less confusing or less ambiguous. they want everybody to be confused, and not be on the same page, and hate each other forever. anything that involves words or writing or talking or anything VERBAL, they will avoid like the PLAGUE.

men verbal, women nonverbal. all the damn time.

and men have to learn the nonverbal language, but women never have to learn the verbal language because…………

women are the choosers. women have a uterus. women can get pregnant. even though many of them dont realize this.

and i am technically not butthurt about them being the choosers, or that men have to do all the Heavy Lifting and jumping through hoops.

except some men dont jump through hoops at all. Alpha Men are essentially Choosers of Women!

so, women use their power as Choosers of Men, to choose tons of Casual Sex, WITHOUT respecting and understanding the Power Of Pregnancy which gives them the POWER to be Choosers!

Yep thats about the strength of it. its like a BABY with a GUN.

Great Power with great IGNORANCE of the great responsibility attached!!!!

dumb bitches hahahaha.

also i can be nonverbal enough, i have learned THEIR language well enough, and sort of accept begrudgingly that they will never learn Mine, even though any smart person would agree that Direct Verbal communication is Better for the Greater Good of Humanity!!!! but women would rather everyone hate each other forever because of confusion and miscommunication, because DRAMA IS EXCITING!!!!!! and EXCITEMENT is the greatest thing in life.


thats why men generally prefer warm, loving, loyal, true, good dogs…..

…….and women generally prefer disloyal, cold, bitchy, traitorous, unloving, untrustworthy, horrible, evil, sociopath cats.

woman hating much?

trust me when women get rejected by a MAN, they become MUCH more man hating.

but thats only because they dont get rejected by men as much!

ummmm ok.

well my womanhate is not remarkably above average for men who were dumped in godawfully harsh ways like cheating or Ghosting hahahaha.

it can ONLY benefit you to bang a woman, any woman, as soon as possible.

shit i should have tried to bang her even when she was with her old longterm boifran, back when i was not into her. should have just forced myself to be into her. hint, its not that hard to FORCE yourself when the gurl is young and not fat and has no kids. even if there are little things about her that you initially find weird. like or her face is weird and her Buttocks are weird.

when when you are Deep In It, you will no longer find her Face or Buttocks so damn weird!!!!!!!!! you will say DAAAAAAMN how could i ever find those things weird? she is HAWT as FOOK!!!!!!

a kind of pedestal i guess.

i was thinking it might ALWAYS be to your benefit that if a woman asks you about your love life, say you are “dating a few people but nothing serious” and smirk like a man who gets secs from a variety of wimmin whenever he wants, but cant find someone who meets his standards well enough to commit to monogamously.

of course it would be to your benefit!

unless you come across that one remaining traditional woman unicorn who thinks men dating several women is distasteful, just like women dating several women is distasteful!

and then shrug say oh well just having fun hey its not like Im the one who can get preggers!

and then say well if they get preggers, just get a god dam abortion bitch! hahaha its not like we live in iran! roe vs wade bitch! merika! muh rightz will not be abridged! wimminz right 2 chooze! wimmin r da choozerz!

not my problem! just a parasite that can be easily dealt with!

but maybe i should man up and contact her simply saying you are being ridiculous, stop being ridiculous and lets just hang out and make up already.

and then she will say ok i was waiting for you to MAN UP and say that and BE A MAN. that was my SHIT TEST.

also i might be “getting better” because i am not reading those fooking EMAILS every day over and over like i used to. the emails 1 thru 4 that i wrote her. i havent looked at  a one of them in weeks. so i guess that is a good sign.

i just cant believe she could do this to me.

why not. its just AVOIDANCE and avoidance is SO common because its the easy way out. I avoid and procrastinate and ignore shit ALL THE TIME. so do tons of people. and here she is avoiding me.

i mean i could send a brief thing “hi there just seein how ur doin ”

and see if that gets any response.

“wanna go to dinner get caught up”

that kind of thing.

well of COURSE i would have an ulterior motive to get her back!

i tried this in 2004/5 with woman2. (woman2004).

she kind of ignored me and i was real butthurt about that cuz we were actually fooking at the time and then she just disappeared, real sketchy. i was RIGHTFULLY angry about being ignored. i said fook her im not talking to that bitch ever again, i heard gossip she had been seen with other guys, she was the type with 900000 male friends, never trustworthy!

then 3 months later i thought i would Reach Out because it still felt like Unfinished Business, and i wanted a Fair Shake.


I did get in touch with her, we started hanging out and making out again, i certainly could have banged her but i didnt, like an idiot. i certainly should have!

but by this time she was distanced from me, liked me less than before, and had even less interest in dating me, and opened “dated” other guys during that time and showed no interest in dating me, we would just make out and cuddle and she would have let me bang her if i were masculine enough!

so yeah she basically had LESS interest and feelings for me than before.

MY feelings were rekindled, her feelings were not really anything. less than before.

so then there was NEW pain, to get my hopes up; and also see that she was less interested than before. why couldnt i make her interested again?  because i wasnt masculine enough? i was 22 years old and had no experience with women, she was it.

so i could see a similar thing happening here. me get back in contact with woman2015, “chill hanging out”, i would get my hopes up without a doubt, and she would be cool as a cucumber the whole time, saying yeah im dating a couple guys, nothing serious, just secs, i can always get an abortion if i need, but im not gonna ever want to date you, i have even less feelings for you than i do for these random guys i met a few weeks/months ago.

so yeah that would be ripping an old wound open, making it fresh again, and pouring salt on it.

when you see someone who USED to like you, and then they are just cold as shit to you. that is VERY painful. women dont understand this hahahahaha. cold evil sociopath bitches. hahahaha.

better to be ANGRY and hateful and other-loathing, rather than sad and self-loathing!

also i am generally finding it easier to get out of bed, go powerwalking, than i did near the beginning, so that must be a good sign.

i just wish i were losing more weight with all this powerwalkjogging. i am losing no weight and doing a TON of powerwalkjogging.

tons of input, no output.

it just sucks that somebody i used to be so close to, that i used to trust, that i liked, that used to at least like me on some level, can now hate me, and hurt me so much, and i didnt even DO anything horribly wrong.

welcome to the real world hahahaha.

besides she was pulling away and being cold for months. the 180 was really more just an 18 or so. i just didnt want to see it.

i mean i can understand not having FEELINGS in return for me. but she definitely used to Like Me as a Friend, and i expected that because of that, that if it needed to end, it would end a lot better.

i was TRYING to make in end better, in my typically masculine way of direct communication, lets be verbal about it so we minimize the hurt feelings.

but nooooooooo.

well i was “being masculine” in a very unmasculine way, always supplicating and apologizing. bad call.

ok placed 15th out of like 57 people in this tournament and got nothing but shitty hands, i think i won one small pot. certainly had no good chance to “double up.”

but yeah. i will be the better person because I will never hurt someone else like she has hurt me!

way to abandon me bitch!

it really hurts and is painful to be abandoned like that.

ok out of the stupid freeroll tournament, time for first 2.8 miler of the day hahaha.


that is, I always thought it was all or nothing, immediately, regarding grills. I never thought I could know a gril for a while, think it would be nice if I could force myself to have feels for her, but that just feels too weird, then time passes, she gets a new boifran, and then suddenly BAM you have feels for her. i never had that happen to me in 30+ years, never thought it COULD happen, so if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyoen.

october 2 2014

got no time son. day off. thursday. this thing with mah female friend is getting complicated and weird as fook. two short months ago i had no “spark” for her and thought that sechs and making out would be weird and forced and not smart. the second i find out she has a new boifran, suddenly i am interested in her and can feel new types of feels developing. i have never had that happen in all my 30+ years, i didn’t think it could happen, i thought i was an all or nothing, all at once kind of guy, and that i would never develop any kind of spark for this woman.

but i developed a little! good news is i’m not in RAGING LUV with her so i will be able to survive and continue to see her. because i do see her on a very regular basis.

really my gameplan is just BE MASCULINE. maybe if she has trouble with the boifran and I am Just Being Masculine, she will become attracted to Moi.

busy day. got a friend getting married, I am in the WEdding Party, i have very few super close friends so I will not be in many WEdding Parties in muh life. but today i gotta be productive on muh day off, such that even something as simple as blogging or looking at my settlers village or sitting around drinking coffee and playing on internet is at a high cost, i gotta get moving soon, but i HAVE to write, i HAVE to poop, etc.

doing laundry right now. drinking coffee. waiting for poop. prob should take a shower because i should try this suit on i have to pick up and should be clean. fook i have to shave muh beard off too, should do that soon, before shower, to rinse off hairs.

umm….. 12:22 pm, slept till 11:30am.

but i was never flirtatious with muh female friend because i honestly didn’t want to be, didn’t develop these feels until very recently. so now she has the impression that i don’t like her in that way…..because at that time I didn’t.  so now i’m the bad guy for developing the feels late.

BUT she had the boifran for at least two months BEFORE I developed the feels, and I am pretty sure she had known the guy for at least a year before that, so it wasn’t some rando in other words.

well maybe we will all just die of ebola.

started reading “death of the west” by pat buchanan, looks pretty good, goes along well with “suicide of a superpower.”

ok. drink coffee. poop. shave beard. put laundry in dryer. take shower. go out to suit store, try on and get suit. go to grocery store and do weekly shopping. get gas for car. try to cut lawn. go to wedding rehearsal, then dinner, then get into bed ASAP for hellacious day of WERK tomorrow. that is the plan for the day.

mentally prepare wedding speech. mentally prepare to BE MASCULINE for female friend to try to make her see ME in a new light as i have come to see her in a new light. maybe i need to get with another grill for that to happen, just like it basically took her getting with a new guy for me to see her In A New Light. new spark.

also, she is afraid to tell me about this new guy, wonder why. it’s all over facebook, of course my facebook is secret. so the onus is on ME to drop a hint like “i do know about your new boifran, it’s ok to tell me.” and I can handle that. so i should drop that hint soon. just to get it out there and get things moving.

what else. tick tok. i do not like “ashleigh banfield” on cnn. i am not extremely fond of these Srs Female TV Journalists with Manjaws Lanternjaws and always wearing sleeveless tops. Even Fox News is the same way. pandering to Career Women too much.  go read “death of the west”, 60 years ago my thinking was not hateful or weird, it was Normal and Good. Thanks Pat!

ok gott do those task from 3 paragraphs above. gotta move. get going.

ok back. did laundry, shaved the beard, got the suit, did the groc shopping, now i just gotta cut lawn, go to rehearsal, go to dinner, go to bed.

big event for one of my old schoolest frands and also my life is going nowhere, but all i can think about is GRILLS, and now my female friend controversy is gradually turning into a nightmare. o god. i prefer not liking anybody at all. hope i can go back to that. liking grils is stupid and gay. because they never like you back and you can never make it work and they are always in luv with someone else or else you go out with them for 3 weeks, fall deeper in luv, and then they dump you, with no bangs to wean you off banging. sucks balls.

well at least i still have muh racism . that is a positive force in muh life that i can learn about and have fun with  and be passionate about. hehehehe. racism, far rightism, silver, powerwalking, it’s really not that bad ni994.

but i was thinking about telling her that i was slowly developing gradual feelz for her, and could she please put me in THE QUEUE, so that I can try Dating her after she gets done with this other guy. course then she will be older, less attractive, and moar sechsually jaded. oh well. life goes on!


may 9 2014

yeah buddies. prob a good time to start the ole job search. i guess the good news is that with my New One Sheeterz ™ I can ace interviews even when I’m nervous as hell, which I always will be. how about u. anyway.

another good thing to squeeze on the one sheeter is: DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM JOB.

The more questions you can squeeze on there the better. make your answers shorter, to squeeze more questions and answers. you can always ramble longer answers at the interview.

f00king settlers game. huge “time burglar” hehehehe. i hate. no i don’t hate, i really don’t hate that much, just get ANNOYED and IRRITATED by a lot. how about u?

heh time to go for 3.2 mile, 65 minute powerwalk in the middle of the day and blatantly say to the world, “I’M UNEMPLOYED! AND UNEMPLOYABLE!!!!” hehehehe.

well i did that, took a shower, this is the perfect time to take a nap like a lazy unemployable loser.

heh. man. the commenters on the av club, and of course the writers, even MORESO the writers because this is their JOB, are horrible. yet i could not stop reading for an hour


on how much they hate the right and how much they love the left. like college f4gg0ts who never grew up. they can’t all be gainfully employed phds, can they?

sat may 10

well this is unexpected, i got an email from a guy from the part of my life/memory i want to erase, trying to persuade me to go to this wedding with him, really selling me on the financial and transportation aspects, which had been kinda the dealbreakers in the first place. also, if i start muh job by that time, there would be no way to take a full week off like he is planning. but if i am laid off at that time, i am inclined to think, why not join him?

it is also signif that this guy is great, classic, i never had any beef or truck with this guy, i do not wish to forget HIM in other words! he is a classic, inspiring guy, and also i am secretly happy he did not become superrich or supersuccessful and he resists getting a Masterz Degree, let alone a PhD or Law degree! how do i know he resists? because he hasn’t gotten one yet! and i sympathize with grad skool resistors and kinda grumble about grad skool “Sellouts”, hehehe.

but yeah i am actually considering this. i mean this guy is great and one of my many regrets is not spending more time with him and less time with others. i wish he were more successful because he is a great guy and deserves to make 300k a year and have his choice of 18 yo qts!

great guy who i really identified with because he, like me, would fall madly in luv with grills and get his hart broken, like myself, a real romantic niceguy. but unlike the fedora niceguy, he had enough social skills to make moves on the grills, he would just ultimately get taken advantage of because he was too nice. to the grills. i didn’t mind him being a niceguy to me! Men appreciate niceness from other Men! anyway i am pretty sure he eventually got his due in terms of sowing wild oats, he’s sowed way moar wild oats than me. but he is not married yet. he could be engaged, I actually dunno. But yeah if a guy were ever the marrying type it would be him. not necess a bad thing! he would be a great hubband and especially father! he just needed to stop being taken advantage of. and i think in the many years of meantime, he did manage to learn that lesson. good for him. i have NOTHING but good things to say about the guy. NOTHING. not one single god damn thing.

ok was thinking going to a Temp Agency might be the BEST OF ALL WORLDS. They find you a job, and if it turns out to be ridic stressful or unbearable or gay, you don’t have to stick with it because it’s a TEMP job and they will find you another. if you really LIKE it, then you can kiss the manager’s A until he comes to like you and then makes the job permanent just for you.

this actually sounds like the best idea for moi. because if the job sucks, then you know it’s only temporary. and then you get experience working in all kinds of places. maybe.

yep. figure out yer priorities in life. like i just want to sow wild oats and bang 18 yos. that might be my main priority. over getting a career, over getting married. yeah definitely. those other things are so much work and so risky and so high commitment. meanwhile wild oats is a can’t lose strategy. CANT LOSE.

so take a look at the SUPPLY CHAIN for wild oats. you need:

Masculinity / Attitude

Good Body

Some Money, A Job, any old job will do.

and that’s about it. which means priorities should be: getting in good shape, and perfecting your alpha attitude. job is lowest on that list. you could get away with lying about it.

isn’t that kind of neat how, in this scheme, banging 18 yo qts has high importance, and having a Great Career has a low importance? isn’t it great how you can bang 18 yo qts and work at fooking WALMART? you gotta focus on having a ripped body though. and the 18 yo gurls will prob be super low prole, never wife quality. well that’s not necess true. In the Final Analysis, Masculine Charisma is more important than Career/Job re pulling wimmin.



apr 27

so the big news today is some basketball team owner made racist remarks to his golddigging trash gurlfrand and everyone on facebook is so appalled that such an evil racist man exists in 2014. of course i say, he has a right to say whatever he wants, plus her being a gold digger is way worse than him being a racist, and she was more than happy to suck his d for his millions for a long time before finally leaking this tape. so she is way worse than him! plus how can he be a racist if he’s banging an asian girl and he’s white or jewish! which are different by the way.

either way remind me to be careful when i become a rich celebrity, so I don’t accidentally say something racist, hahaha. besides, saying one racist thing isn’t gonna send him to the poorhouse. nor should it!

but yeah its just funny how being a racist is THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD. I certainly don’t think it is! I think being a Golddigging Wh0re is way worse! but god forbid i say that on facebook! I wasn’t sure if it was just The Media, or if Real People Really Think the way the Media Tells Them To. Just Look on FACEBOOK to confirm your worst fears!

heh. and what he said wasn’t even hateful. hateful would be “I hate n199ers and wanna lynch all those knvckle dr4ggin apes” or “I hate women, all women are gold digging c0ck sucking wh0res who are only good for one thing, and I laugh when they get viciously raeped.”

now that would be hate speech.

of course, you can’t go out on facebook with your real name and anything that is racist in the slightest anyway.

anyway apparently he is pure evil because he committed the evil action of refusing to rent his properties to blacks just because they were black. i would like to know how true that was, and if these particular blacks didn’t have huge criminal records or bad credit or something that would have prohibited a person of ANY race from renting.

heh. lest we forget, let us return to that classic chris rock comedy bit about “black people, vs. n199ers”. i think he sums it up very well there. chris rock needs to make a comeback . i didn’t realize until recently that chris rock was categorized as a “conservative black comedian.”

heh. maybe it’s because i am a racist that i am a loser. ever known any racist winners?

how about that basketball owner? there ya go! he’s filthy rich!

annnnd now i am swinging back against the idea of this new job. say the guy does not call me anyway. i dont f00king know. i was just starting to get USED to my current job and looking fwd to it sucking less. ALL jobs suck at the beginning and i simply do not want to have to go thru that AGAIN so SOON.

f000000000000000000000k. maybe if i had been at my current job longer.

monday apr 28

heh. now i have my phone turned off until i am more prepared to talk heh. just woke up, etc, had a weird dream, just got an email from someone else i was not expecting, got to go to shrink today, etc.

well first things first, the weird dream was fully about Girl3,  cant say i was thrilled about that! in the dream I was very directly angry at her, the second I saw her I said, “fook u, i hate u, u cvnt, f00k off and die, and suck muh d, and if you’re gonna show up in my life again, you BETTER gimme some of that 4ss, you lying wh0re” and then later on I approached her like a real cool alpha male and got some of that 4ss, wasn’t as angry as before, but I was very alpha, and determined to get some of that, and I did, and I was kinda rough, and she appeared to like it too.

anyway. real life things with girl3 were extremely dramatic because I actually almost got somewhere with her, we were “pre-dating”, and so then she pre-dumped me because she didn’t want to Commit to somebody so Beta, because I was in Full Blown Luv with her, that’s why she’s a numbered girl. and then I was EXTREMELY butthurt for a LONG time and even directed some of that b1tchiness to her directly, which certainly did not help my cause. being cool and alpha would have helped a lot more, as in the dream.

so that sucked. however i can get over the dream quite easily, as girl3 was so long ago, 9 years ago now.

nonetheless, things were just starting to look good with her, with a string of solid “dates” and some intense classic making out, even some sleepovers, why didn’t I pl0w the f00k out of her, because I was trying to form some ideal vision where we didn’t have official S until we were officially In A Rel. and that ultimately screwed myself, because I COULD HAVE got some/a lot of sweet action from her, if I had just been MORE ALPHA! MORE MASCULINE!

anyway in the dream I was doing her hard Doggystyle and pulling her hair and she was squealing and it was real hot. never did that in real life unfort! would have loved to!

anyway of course she is way more successful than me right now. at least ten times more successful. solid middle middle class, if not upper middle class. academic nonsense. i would work a FT job as her assistant if it were easy, hehehe. watch her get old and make her husband’s life a living hell, maybe give her a good banging if she were still bangable.

hehehe. this is what becomes of True Luv.


april 9

real nice day, real sunny, warm, open the windows kind of weather, really starting to feel like spring thank GOD.

saw a cute young girl at the social function that, if she were sitting on my face, would make me forget all about Girl8. hehehe. I don’t know how girl8 is coming up now, such that I “posthumously” promoted her to girl8. maybe cuz I see her name on facebook sometimes? who cares. well i guess thoughts of girl8 is slightly better than girl7. who cares. b’s be b’s.

B’S B B’S.

ok new plan. start serious job search in october. job should be chiller between may and december. if it gets unchill like before, get xanax from dr and take it 3 days a week. get new job by january. will take pay cut of at least 10% for a job that is….20% chiller hehehe. try to bang this qt young blond girl at job, no strings attached. maybe date her if she’s dateable, ie, clean, moral, low number, pleasant, charming, feminine, etc, no big deal if she’s not. wish she had longer legs, hahahaha. but banging her 50 times would be great for moi. how about you?

this is really the type of chauvinistic, devil may care, Alpha attitude you MUST develop towards women if you want to Achieve Your Goals with them, whether it is Beta Goals like making out, cuddling, dating, monogamy, OR Alpha goals such as Hookup Harem, Booty Calls, Revolving Door, or nonmongamy.


You Must Act Alpha To Achieve Even Beta Goals.

apr 10

yeah buddy. another real nice day. getting into 60 degree weather, sun, holy crap. will have to do two powerwalks.

if your job is very stressful, just pop xanax at work 3 out of every 5 days, if your boss Calls You In, flash dat script, and say, if you want to get rid of me, lay me off so I can claim unemployment b1tches, or I’m calling the employment lawyer and lawyering up.

if you’ve ever watched that boring gay tv show the office, which is notable for portraying a Dream Job Environment we would all love to have, yet to get a job that easy and stressless, you must have an ivy league degree like andy (ed helms), or a stupid f4gg0t MBA type degree like ryan (bj novak). so git studying, and paying 100k to do so, f4gg0t!

heh. let us start our own tv network for losers, where losers who watch tv all day can actually learn skills to make them employable. for example, a network with shows that teach them social skills, how to answer interviews, specifically spoon fed the phrases to say, and where there is serious, actual job growth, or shows that train you in job skills, and actually go on the job; essentially job training for all sorts of jobs.

like one season of a given show would give you the skills and training to actually walk onto that job and do it. I am not talking about “dirty jobs” type reality shows where they take 10 minutes and show the most interesting things about a job. I am talking about showing exactly How To Do A Job. Job Training TV. Job Search TV. Interviewing TV. Job Market TV. Job Truth TV.

I have all this talk of homeschooling and how to raise winner children, very strict stuff, homeschooling, STEM only, etc, but fact is I know a ton of perfectly happy successful people who went to awful Public School, and are happy and successful with Non Stem degrees, like business or law. What’s THEIR secret?

Solid Confidence, Positive Attitude, and Great Work Ethic: No Laziness.

So if you have all those things, you don’t need a strict homeschool STEM Military Academy Tiger Parents.


Positive Attitude.

Positive WORK ethic: NOT LAZY.

That’s ALL. And I became a loser because I had NONE of those things. Even one out of three would have been quite a bit better.

well, what about all the confident people in prison or who are lazy deadbeats? well i’d argue they are happier and have more energy than We Losers.

But happiness is not the be all end all right? True….but now I am in a phase where I believe it might be. if it feels good, do it. hehehehe. as long as you’re not hurting anybody, or throwing your money away. two important caveats.

so in other words, being a huge drug addict would be out, because you would be hurting your family.

unless you are already disowned from your family and can be certain that your drug abuse is not hurting them, then go ahead, drug yourself like a madman!

i would, but it would hurt my family, and i have hurt them enough. so i don’t. that simple.

what if i could secretly do drugs? well, I would secretly enjoy a little weed occasionally. I am just too cowardly to try to get it, plus i see the fam all the time. it would be very hard to keep secret in other words, so, just not worth it.

so i am looking into how 2 become a xanax addict, hahahaha.

so some “autist” spoilt sh1t virgin goes on a stabbing spree in a pennsylvania high school. and I was just thinking that we hadn’t had a mass STABBING in a while, always SHOOTINGS, last stabbing was some madman in china.

prelim rpts say this boy was not “A LONER” or a Weirdo though, that he was nice and he had friends. hmmm. indeed odd. wasn’t a WEirdo. wasn’t a CREEPER. WEll, he DID look like a scrawny beta. Certainly a Virgin! and not the handsome football player type of virgin that had cute girls throwing themselves at him begging to take his Virginity!

But honestly, it is NORMAL scrawny 16 yo boy to be a virgin. I would be much more concerned if he were “WEIRD” a LONER a CREEPER or an AUTIST or had NO FRIENDS, like the sandy hook kid.


march 25

had a weird dream that a feminist had broke into my computer and posted my real name on the internet and was “concern trolling” me, but if she had real concern, she would not be trying to RUIN me with my real name on the internet. and she totally f’ed up my computer. funny thing was, she was 30 years old and still looked good. I told her I was going to bang her.  bang bang bang bang bang. so decadent.

temp agencies. I guess it would actually be a good idea to go to a temp agency, because they’re supposed to do all the hard work of getting you the job. of course, they take a cut, and the client can still fire you at will, but if you do ok in their Trial By Fire, you might get a stable job out of it.

Is It Right or Just for Companies to Provide Training At All? Actually probably not, companies have NO obligation to provide ANY training.  YOU bring your own training, then companies pay you for your pre trained work. Because training == skills that do not Travel With The Company, they Travel with YOU, and when you leave, the skills leave too.


No you don’t, you can Autodidact for FREE and YES is IS Unjust that companies will not recognize that, because they are in a cartel / collusion / cahoots with Colleges.


first one of these in a while!

When you are taking Calc 3 and Calc 4 and Diff EQ’s and Physics 5 and Biochemistry and Therm and Abstract Algebra and Number Theory and Stats 5 and Actuary Exams and Comp Sci 3 and Algorithms and Real Hard Classes, of course you form a study group with the best students in the class, AND THEN…..

IMMEDIATELY after (or before) class you get together in the Math/Science Tutoring Lab and start doing your homework for a good 4 hour stretch. You treat it like a Poker Hand, where each person puts in an “Ante” of 10 cents or 25 cents per problem.

The first person to finish the problem CORRECTLY takes the “pot.”

And then they help the rest of the group do the problem, and explain it and teach it, because of course the teachers don’t teach, it is up to the learners to learn.

And there you really incentivize the homework, and show how learning Hard Math translates into Real World Money, by actually PUTTING money on it.

it does not have to be high stakes. each person would be spending no more than 20 or 40 dollars over the course of the entire term, way less than it costs to even BUY THE BOOK.

I can’t believe I only first thought of this today.

start similar gambling pools in all your classes for the outcome of tests, etc, to motivate you to win.

OUCH. Just got cleaned out of my 10 chip stack on a Full House, both of us all in, we BOTH had Full Houses with Jacks, but I had jacks and NINES and he had jacks and TENS.

Well, tuff morning at the tables, might NEVER break even, but I guess the consolation is, this probably WAS a smart idea for me to go all in. I think. in the LONG RUN, these bets will WIN for me, and help me break even.

also, if you are good at a game of 100% skill and 0% chance, like chess, then start betting on those. bet on anything yo can win at, so you can make money off SOMETHING.



Wow what a productive day, TWO great ideas you can easily put into practice, to become a winner.

Make all your business/job search phone calls within Five Minutes of Banging a QT. When you bang a QT (pref young, note tellingly that it’s hard to be CUTE when you’re not young, and that “cuteness” IMPLIES a certain amount of YOUTH inherently) , you will have extremely high confidence and can talk to ANYONE without sounding WEIRD or AWKWARD, and POSITIVE FIRST IMPRESSIONS are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT in the Job World. This is unfair and gay and stupid, because it IS so hard to talk confidently to give a positive first impression………..but not after you’ve just drained your balls into an 18 yo QT!

which begs the question.


important: be mean in a smirking teasing way. I knew people who had the balls to say some pretty mean things to women’s faces, but it didn’t get him tail because the stuff was in a very butthurt, cruel, mean mean tone, and the women didn’t tingle for it, instead they sneered and thought “creep, you must not get laid much, ew ick.”

so it’s great he had the confidence and balls not to supplicate to women, or to be afraid of what they thought of him….. however he needed to simply change his tone to something a little more playful and fun in order to actually drain his balls into these sluts. And I think he eventually learned that lesson, and got his wild oats action in. Good for him!

learn lessons not just from YOUR mistakes, but from the mistakes of others!

eh lets try a 900 word post today as opposed to 1000. i think 1000 might even be a little long.