sat nov 4

mar 18

yeah buddy

saturday morning, sleeping in, get thoughts about Women and That Woman. like can you really compare women to Drugs? It’s inherently good and natural to have a wife and have children, it’s not inherently bad like being addicted to drugs.

but not all men are GOOD ENOUGH, TOUGH ENOUGH to have wife and children. less than half.

so i get butthurt when i see men display FAKE toughness so they can knock up the white trash stupid slut, have an innocent white baby, then run off like a deadbeat and make another stupid white trash fatherless slut. basically acting liek a hwyte negro. disgusting. they’re not man enough or good enough or tough enough to have children, but they do anyway,  because they can go through the motions, and because women have become stupid and slutty enough because of generations of no fathers, of negrolike fathers.

of course the root cause is Political Policies engineered by Jooz and Joo-Luvers. Great society, welfare, anti-male, anti-family, anti-human, anti-hwyte, antisocial poison laws and policies.

i am a parasite too but i dont take any gov entitlements hehehehe. and i pay muh taxes. which are like 20% of muh shamefully small 11k income!

feed2mail is only free for the first 30 days. fook these J’s.

wesearchr seems like a good thing. basically…crowdfunding against mainstream media joos??? saying lets fight this enemy of the people?

ok i will listen to the soundtrack from “witcher 3” because even though vidya is degen, this is a polish game from polish devs and the music done  by polish composers. basically im here mainly for the music, because i know gaymz sometimes have good music.

and basically witcher seems like something less jooed than other games, or tv shows, or movies, that could potentially attract good music composers into making a coherent, semi symphonic score.

like gaym of thrones had a decent theme music but the show is degen jooish trash so, kinda makes the music less enjoyable.

witcher is a polish thing created by hwytes and seems like a less degen of a vidya, so, it gets the pass.

really, vidya is BETTER and less degen than sitting around complaining about what a loser you are!

and its less degen than PORN!

its less degen than alcohol.

is it less degen than MJ? thats a tough call.

right now i would not mind getting blazed af and playing a hwyte slavic game like witcher and NOT complaining about what a loser i am who will never get or secure a good job and a good waifu.

how do you turn private pyle from a weak cowardly untough loser, into the tough drill instructor? well you do what has been done to countless marines before: break them down until they are crying themselves to sleep every night, then rebuild them anew.

but private pyle threw a monkey wrench in, because after he broke down crying, he was not built up anew, but just flipped out and K’d people. went postal.

so yeah i guess, do MJ and play vidya as long as you are NOT:

  1. complaining about being a a lonely loser
  2. fat and getting fatter
  3.  watching porn

but if you are playing vidya then those other things overlap with that venn diagram quite a damn lot.

but i would be the special snowflake!

no im serious, i am not worried about ever Going Back to porn, i am DONE with that. going back to OVereating and becoming Fat again is the much more real risk that i need to be vigilant about.

unlike porn, eating tasty food is not inherently bad. even drinking alcohol is not inherently bad or jooish. its just doing it in MODERATION. IN MODERATION.

theres no moderation for porn. no one should watch it ever. it is trash and all of it belongs in the oven. you cant say the same about food, alcohol, or women. MJ is more up for debate, and i’m leaning towards, it does have its legit uses. for pain or cancer or seizures. so no. its not inherent bad or jooish like porn. VERY FEW THINGS ARE. im not lying when i say porn is one of the worst, most jooish things ever, and that very few things are THAT bad. well, TV, mainstream media, journalists, movies, popular culture, modern women, jooniversities, education, jooish scams, those come close in their level of jooishness.

how jooed is it? and porn is one of the MOST jooed things about it. you can unjoo tv and vidya, you CANNOT unjoo porn, becuase its INHERENTLY jooish. there is NO reason for it to exist except to joo and harm people. it is the pure essence of jooishness laid bare and in that sense it could be instructive. but still not worth watching. just think about how bad it is, and that will teach you everything you need to know about da j00z.

they turn hwyte women into sluts who fook negros on camera. they turn hwyte men into opioid popping deadbeats who abandon their daughters and let them fook negros on camera. i can’t put it any more plainly, folks.

and if these things dont rustle you, you should be ashamed of yourself. unfort i think too many hwytes would NOT be rustled by these things. well, they wouldn’t believe there is any jooish interest in these things, thats just a wild antisemitic conspiracy theory. i make 50k a year with my degree and have 1 kid i’m painstakingly educating not to be racist and to learn about hwyte privilege, and I read the JY Slimes and I know that hwytes are just getting the karma they deserve for centuries of being bigoted racist oppressors. shrug. oh well. you reap what you sow. karma.

the EXCITEMENT and the THRILL of wanting some MJ and then you HAVE it!!!! and now you are going to enjoy it! the anticipation! the preparing of your preferred method. and then finally the almost relgiious ritual of partaking. i really try not to take it for granted like many of the sloppy degen st0ners. its all very special and sacred hahahaha.

i mean honestly. why dont i just go down to the Bad part of Town, hang around a Liquor Store, and ask guys who look like they would know how to get MJ, if they can get me 20 dollars of MJ? and then later, ask if they could get more? because i am too much of a PVSSY. otherwise i would have DONE it already. and been enjoying some MJ.

glad this is still up

the hosts could be a bit more high energy, but they are hwyte and they are smart as hell and talking about important SCIENCE! topics with a right wing, pro hwyte bias hahahaha.  which is the best way to talk about SCIENCE! there are at least 5 podcasts here which you must listen to immediately. wish there were one on secsual morality and man woman relshits and sluts but oh well.

SCIENCE! used to be a very hwyte, principled thing, but it has gotten jooed quickly in the recent past. lets turn that around hehehe.

should put darwin digest in the sidebar because though their execution is not PERFECT, its still more than good enough and what they did was IMPORTANT and they should have not stopped! i am technically still dnating like 10 cents a week to them hahahahaha. just look up darwin digest liberapay.

how about a freeze peach patreon for bitcoin. so you can have recurring dnations to creators, and small regular dnations, weekly or monthly, but let yourself be pseudonymous and also avoid blockchain transaction fees for every transaction.  BIZ OPPORTUNITY HERE!!!! GET IN!!!!!

heh. this witcher soundtrack is like modern boortzum if it were any GOOD hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. oh thats horrible im sorry uncle varg. but you got a lot of filler on your modern albums and the production could be a lot better too. but im not mad, you have 6 kids to raise and your work there is much more important than making new music. keep having kids and making pro-hwyte videos, living out the 14w.

but yeah. grab those darwin digest podcasts as long as they are still up. suprised they are. put the link in the sidebar. they earned it hahahaha. just glad they can WORK in SCIENCE! and not have their right wing beliefs compromised.  and im not even butthurt that there is a WOMAN on the show. i NEVER said women arent SMART enough to do SCIENCE! just that average women arent that autistic, but some are. and ALL women should have CHILDREN before doing CAREERS, and this woman cathy princess does have at least one young child and hopefully more.

also married women with young children are not gonna put other young men in competition with each other so much and therefore wont cause tension in the movement just by being young, single, available women in a room filled with lonely, single men who want GF’s and waifus and children.

here is witcher 1 soundtrack by some different pole composers hehehehe

if i had to play a vidya, i would prob play witcher hahahahaha. but i dont even have that platform. console. whatever.

i am a bit jelly of georgie boi because he doesnt have any DESIRE to do MJ. he jsut says, thats degenerate, fook that shit, and doesnt ever do it even though its fully legal in his state, he could WALK to a STORE 5 minutes AWAY and buy high quality legal MJ for a good price. in his situation i would be fully in the throes of a BAD MJ HABIT. but he’s NOT.

i KNOW its mostly degen but i STILL want to do this VICE. i have a ton o excuses and i still know its degen. so i would not expect support in this. i would hide it, rightfully, from winners and esp from fellow VVN’s. i just desperately want to enjoy my vice in private.

big bitcoin dip yesterday. damn. bad week for bitcoin. i have to pay attention to this now that i am buying a LITTLE bit of btc every single week. 5 to 10 dollars worth. hoping to do this over the long term, 1 to 3 years, and watch it GROW at….5% per year hehehehe. 4%.

yep the woman you put on a pedestal and want to spend the rest of your life with and have children with and luv, would rather be treated like a piece of jooish pornography by a negro, than even TALK to the likes of YOU, because you are THAT DISGUSTING. this “lovely” woman would rather let herself become a piece of PORN than hang out with or talk to YOU. DAMN.

aint no thang, just a fact of life hahahaha. happens all the time. deal with it .gif. youre in love with that woman? she doesnt care if you live or die. she would rather make a movie of her ass getting gaped by a big black bull than go for a nice walk in the park and cuddle with you. she would rather suck and fook 10 dicks in a gangbang like a disgusting trash wh0re used as a cvmbucket by hand rubbing jooz to make jooish filth with.

def not a good feel!

would rather destroy her own hwyte soul than have anything to DO with the likes of YOU because you are such a disgusting loser who is not worthy of even the most ruined woman!

feels bad man!

oh well, life goes on, deal with it.gif. do tonnes of MJ and play vidya but do NOT overeat and do NOT look at porn.

read 1433 stuff and curse da jooz for ruining your women and your men. shake your head at how your own race could have been DUPED by these rats!

was it hubris on your part? maybe a little, but moreso softness and comfort IMHO. yeah but even The Greatest Generation of Tough Men were duped by you know who into an absolutely unholy war that they never should have been in. this is really worse than Millennial Degeneracy I always moan about. but i recognize its part of a longer arc of history.

shit world war ONE was part of it. the federal reserve. these rats have been jooing us since the beginning of the 1900s and probably before then too hahaha.  well they pushed some african slaves on the US in the 16 and 1700s didnt they?

im only against them because they are against US. if they took a more laissez-faire attitude, so would I.

im ok with never looking at porn again. i have no real desire.

i’m kinda ok with never drinking alcohol again, i dont have a burning desire. not comparing alcohol to porn because alcohol is not inherently degenerate, porn is. just comparing my historical vices and appetites and bad habits hahahaha.

i am not ok with never being with a woman again. women are not inherently degen….but so many of them are deeply, irreversibly degen. ruined women. even if they are professionally successful!

i am not ok with never doing MJ again. it is not inherently degen, but the extent i want to do it IS degen, and i accept that and dont expect any validation for it. i am willing to pay the price for that one hahahaha. i yam what i yam. it is a bad habit i am not willing to give up. and its better than porn or being an alcoholic or opioid popper hahahaha. its just kinda disturbing that i want it SO goddamn MUCH, and I would be SOOOOOOO excited if i Got Some. it would almost be better than getting a woman because with a woman…. there are so many unknowns. you dont know what youre getting. you know its gonna disappoint you in unknown ways. with MJ its much more of a known quantity that doesn’t disappoint you NEARLY as much. you might get paranoid/anxious, or you might run out. and those are very obvious, unsurprising risks. you know that shit going in. you’re not naive about that.

with a woman, yeah you know it’s probably gonna be disappointing, but you so want things to be different this time. you willingly delude yourself a lot more. oh i hope this ones gonna be DIFFERENT. and it IS, but not in a good way. you just find yourself BLINDSIDED in a new and horrible way hhahahahaha. you dont get that with MJ.

also MJ is an inanimate object, not a human being, and its even more disappointing to see Fellow Human Beings acting the way Women do. MJ just is what it is. its a plant. it is what it is.  its a special plant with special powers and should be treated with great respect and reverence and many human beings DONT, but its still Just A Plant. it cant make decisions, it cant break your heart, it cant be a coward, it cant hurt you.  its much less threatening and risky than Women.

stories of people that think “hmm maybe i sm0ke too much MJ and should cut back” but its just SO available to them that they have to make a really conscious effort to do so; vs my pathetic story of wanting SO BAD to do MJ but not because its just not AVAILABLE for me because i dont know any good ways of GETTING it.  and i have thought long and hard about 3 diff ways of getting it and im not really liking any one of them. all i can do is wait for this one person, and that is clearly going to take several months. its already taken 3 months and it could very likely take 3 more.  at LEAST. if EVER. that is not a sure thing at all, i never expected it would be.

i saw a working class apt bldg today where in the windows one person had a huge murkan flag, and a huge CONFEDERATE flag. before i would have though, oh dear lord, what low class racist white trash, now i am like hell yeah, i should go talk to this guy, that’s the best signal you could have besides flying a huge natzee flag, which you can’t do. confed flag is still 60000000000 times more socially acceptable, and of course they have been trying to suppress it in the past few years, after dylan roof and michael brown and BLM. so it means you have pretty big balls to fly that flag in 2017 hahahaha. i should really get one to signal to other Hwyte Rednecks. the only caveat is that they might be opioid-popping zionists hahahahaha. that is a risk i’m willing to take. you could PROBABLY sell them on the idea of sleazy, degenerate, hand-rubbing merchants and scammers, though. i am very sure about that. then just explain that’s what zionists are too, hahahahaha.

so yeah. get a confederate flag and proudly fly it if you dont already. you can fly it next to a US flag, that’s perfectly all right.

displaying a svastica is too far, but displaying a rebel flag is perfectly fine, well within your rights. so just do that then. women might like your brashness. whereas if you display a svastica, they might just think youre a psychopath. or they wont even know what it is hahahahahaha. because they were too busy texting and sexting tyrone during the 13 years of K-12 natzee-bashing, muh 666 gorillion, to notice that the svastica is the eternal symbol of hate, evil, hwyte men.

wear a rebel flag tshirt. ESPECIALLY if you are a yankee hahahahahaha.

this is a great idea, would like to get such a shirt in the short term. a lot of hwytes really like the “REDNECK” lifestyle of hunting, camo, 4 x 4’s, trucks, gunz, country music, etc, and the rebel flag fits nicely in this, and while these people are prob not explicitly 1433, they are VERY implicitly hwyte, and thats all we need. is people who arent ASHAMED of being hwyte, and who like guns, and aren’t ashamed of the rebel flag. GOOD ENOUGH. they are basically ASKING to be redpilled and turned full 1433. so its YOUR duty to gently start redpilling them on the JQ.  start with feminism, though they might already know about that. and be dating qt hwyte gurls who are not feminist at all. and well on their way to having hwyte children. just hard working hwyte “redneck” “country” types. we need more of these people.

ohhhh that woman, she was so perfect, one of her family members had a rebel flag and she didn’t hate it. and she thought the anti-rebel flag shit was stupid. wah wah wah.

who cares, she’s d to me and i’m dead to her, i dont have to like it, but thats just the way it is, that is a stone cold truth. and i cant really MOURN her the way you MOURN a loved one who died too soon, and some people mourn them for 20, 30, 40 years, never stop mourning these untimely deaths, well i cant do that here, because there was no death, it was HER CHOICE.

however i AM entitled to be upset about it, and boy was i, for a long damn time. still am! it comes in waves atm and i have been thinking about her more often than usual. cant say theres any reason. it comes in waves now.

this mother fookin guy. a damn chatty cathy in the poker chat. i was nice and responded to him. hope he does not keep chatting hahahaha. i think he is nonwhite, possibly arab. american tho hahaha. the type who likes chatting with strangers at the poker table hahahaha.

well like ive before, there’s nothing REALLY wrong with small talk, and its MY issue that i am annoyed by it sometimes. its really not THAT annoying. its weird that i am annoyed by it at all.

well ill tell you what was really annoying, was this woman in church today who say 2 rows behind and was huffing and puffing like crazy. every breath was like she was gasping for air after running a marathon or holding your breath for 5 minutes.

i tried to view it in the light of, god have mercy on that poor woman, and thank god i do not have whatever godawful COPD or breathing problem she has which is killing her and costing her literally hundreds of thousands of dollars to the jooish medical scam system.

instead i was like oh god its so infuriating having to listen to her, i cant wait to get out of here. and she wasnt even fat or nonwhite.

but damn this guy is encouraging me to play more hands and stop being so tight. he is not wrong per se……he is prob a good player, taking note of my style and everybody elses, well i make notes on other players sometimes hahaha.

i also dont pay attention to other players a hell of a lot hahahaha because i am multitasking. this guy i dont think is. he is studying his opponents like a good player should.

 

 

 

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ABG ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL

mar 8

sheeeeeeit. well i have cut muh cigaret smoking down by like 80% and dont really feel any cravings. so i am thankful for that.

OR AM I????

hhahahhahaha. maybe im not ACTUALLY thankful ENOUGH!

anyway. maybe i want to do MJ less because for a while i had moar privacy which would make WANTON use of MJ possible…..if i had any. that privacy is now gone, meaning even if i had some, it would be much more difficult to get out and use it. it could still be done, it would just be 3 times as hard.

i mean i would still do it. i would just do it less. MY POINT IS, I’M GRATEFUL that my DESIRE to use has decreased, in direct result of my OPPORTUNITY to use being limited. Since I know it’s less of a POSSIBILITY, i WANT it less.

anything that could make me WANT it less is a good thing. well, short of something thats even worse of course. like jerking off to porn 24/7. shit it would be better to just sm0ke mj.

ABG. ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL.

i would have told my younger self to never do MJ. never drink. dont go away to college. just stay at home, dont drink, dont do mj, do a stem degree, and if you dont want to do a stem degree, then do a business degree. use VIDYA if you want some form of drug to escape the “boredom” or despair.

humbling to think that VIDYA is a better alternative than Porn or Drugs or Alcohol.

but is drugs and alcohol worse than PORN? probably.

so MJ is worse than PORN?

YES.

hehehehe. damn. then how can i WANT it so bad?

i mean its apples and oranges really. its not worse than porn. it CAN be though. if you never watch porn and you always sm0ke mj. which would be the risk situation for me hahahaha. i mean i will never watch porn again. no desire to. i am DONE with that jooish filth. wish i could say the same about mj hahaha. but its not inherently jooish filth. it is pretty negrish tho hahahaha. nonwhite. arabs on hashish and such. africans and natives on MJ.

i played final fantasy 12 for 80 hours. those were 80 well spent hours. i dont regret doing it one bit. it was a great, fun, beautiful world. i would have spent those 80 hours better if i were job searching for a better job at the time. if i had spent that 80 hours in SKOOL, that would have been WORTHLESS. 80 hours of schoolwork will get you NOWHERE in life. 80 hours of schoolwork – reading, studying, homework, tests – gets you NOTHING. it gets you like 1 credit hour at best. 1/130th closer to a degree. 80 hours of job search will at least get you like 5 job interviews at least, and that’s worth something real.

but yeah its AMAZING what a WASTE of good time EDUCATION is. its LITERALLY just as bad as smokin WEED or looking at PORN. THAT is the true value of EDUCATION. isnt that DISGUSTING?

you might as well be working at WALMART. working at WALMART is a much better use of your time than EDUCATION.

its another totally jooish scam like porn, banks, loans, journalism.

so why dont i play vidya RIGHT NOW? why dont I just whip out the final fantasy and play it again? i’ve thought about it!

because i guess i would rather WRITE antijooish stuff to try to help a hwyte neet, than play 80 more hours of final fantasy.

i’ll tell you what i WOULD like to do, though. you can guess hahahaha. no not look at porn. have you even been reading what ive been saying. hahaha. i want to sm0ke w33d. everyday. right now. although somewhat less than i wanted to last week. thank GOD.

well you know what, wanting to sm0ke weed is a HELL of a lot better than wanting to be with that woman, or thinking about that woman. at least I have moved on from THAT.

is porn better than that woman?

in some ways……..yes? but still not worth it to use porn to try to get over her. i mean now we are just getting into philosophy 202 thought exercises. phil 101 would be like is abortion wrong. is being a slut wrong. is porn wrong. is cheating wrong. SUPER basic bitch stuff.

so lets say you get dumped because youre needy. i know im too needy and a big cause of women dumping me. but what if you rarely have a CHANCE to be needy….but when you do, you are? like you cant be needy unless they are somewhat considering dating you. which they very rarely are.

in other words, being that close to or have such a CONNECTION to someone is SO RARE, its almost NATURAL to become needy or overly attached. because its so damn RARE. it reminds you of what your life has been missing and now that you have a TASTE, youre instantly addicted. its like crack or heroin….but not nearly as easily available. not for YOU at least.

your key doesnt fit her lock. but many many other keys fit her lock. so you get butthurt about that too. whats so WRONG with YOUR key????? is it really THAT bad? its worse than negros and felons and cheaters and scumbags? apparently.

ANYWAY. thats old hat hahaha. who gives a shit. BITCHES BE BITCHES MAN. it doesnt mean youre WORSE than these negros, it just means they are better at Seducing Women than you are, and women are stupid as shit when it comes to seduction, they are even more stupid than a horny 16 year old boy wanting to look at porn. because nature wants these women to get pregnant NOW, so it makes them horny af, makes them sluts basically. they just have figured out (sort of) how not to get preggers. and if you do, nbd, just murder it. get it taken care of.

but youre goddamn right its frustrating they would pick sleazy negros over you. i cant blame you for being mad and butthurt and buttmad and bitter af.

again, there are some women who do not choose so poorly or recklessly. some women actually dislike negros and scumbags and cheaters and players and degenerates.

i mean this is basic bitch be masculine, be confident stuff. you can expect women to love confidence, but not to be able to discern good confidence from bad confidence. too much to ask. manage your expectations.

but yeah. every morning. before i go into my job, i say, god DAMN am I THANKFUL this is not my previous job. that I’m not dying of panic right now. that its so much of a chiller job. that i’m never gonna be in that situation where i have to answer that phone and i dont know what i;m doing or what to say. and the people around me are total professionals. i trust their judgment. i trust they know what they are doing. because they DO! they’re not bullshitting or telling me to bullshit!

i supposed i should use a clearer term because bullshit can mean at least 3 different things, including friendly banter or friendly exaggerations. usually when i say bullshit, i mean jooish lies to try to intentionally lie or hide something from somebody. not telling the full truth. being sneaky and jooish and dishonest and bad faith and….jooish! when you are trying to joo somebody!!!

its too late for me. but if i can just sm0ke w33d and watch hwyte people and hwyte children win, i will be happy enough i guess hahahaha. i will dnate money towards that end.

well when i see some hwyte people, especially younger, win at life, i sometimes get JEALOUS/ENVIOUS. and as i get older, everyone else gets younger hahaahahahaha.

 

http://archive.is/dkwM2

heh just be grateful you can make 25k as a 20 year old and just sm0ke tons of weed when you are not at work and grateful you have a job where you are not actively nervous and panicking the whole time and panicking about how you are going to SURVIVE one day at a time, every single day.

nobody said anything about sm0king tons of MJ hahahaha. that is one of the FIRST things i would have suggested.

yeah i havent ruled out that i might have ADD as well as despair and anxiety and bipolar. so you just take 4 different medz a day then hahahaha. go out drinking with your coworkers so you can become friends with them and they will stand up for you rather than throw you udner the bus. assuming you can still drink. i cannot so that does not help my working situation for when i have a REAL job like this guy ahahahaha.

wewlad i know that feel. being passive aggressive and needy and low confidence. its why i push all my friends away and will never have a gf hahahahahahahahahahaha

of course all the women on reddit with 600000000000 admirers are condescending and womansplaining to the poor guy hahahaha. oh yeah THIS is why i hate reddit hahahaha. cuz the women are so stupid.

they think they are SMART because theyre so successful in life with their 28k a year and all their relationship experience. how about you get monogamously married and have 3 children. instead of having your main goal in life being career and TRAVEL. its always TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL with these women. red flag.

travel is fine, travel is good, but to make it a huge goal and talk about it more than family and children? not good. yeah i wouldnt mind traveling to a MJ legal place and just doing MJ hahahahaha. or i wouldnt mind traveling to yurop for 6 months. not gonna happen though and that thought doesnt eat me up inside.  but yeah i dont trust these wanderlust millennials who like to  travel so much. hints at being a ((( rootless cosmopolitan ))). no thank you. put down some roots. blood and soil.

ok closed reddit. too triggering with these modern women.

i get more excited about eating a tasty MEAL than i do about the idea of TRAVEL. i get WAY more excited about the idea that one day I might have a big bag brimming with mid grade indica budz.

again i dont hate travel. there are many places in the world, in the US, in my state, that I would like to see. its just not a huge priority. i mean shit. if im feeling adventurous i would go to this park 15 miles away which i havent gone to in 15 years. with a bunch of MJ for a fun day in the woods and trails and lake. would totally take a woman there if i had any interest in any woman hahahaha.  i should really go there myself but i REALLY have to PUSH myself to do things like that by myself.

or just go with a regular friend. but i have pushed them all away because i am too passive aggressive, aloof, never lift a finger hahahaha.

oh well at least i am not a jobless neet any more, dont have to do 28 interviews and 550 apps anymore, now i have an 11k a year job hahahahaha.

apparently youre supposed to get used to people never telling you good job for the work that you do. we millennials raised to want a prize just for showing up. entitlement hahahaha. well my response is, whats wrong with a little praise and encouragement. ALSO, I am VERY willing to GIVE that praise and encouragement to OTHER people because I KNOW it feels good to be complimented on your work! so i compliment other people just to be nice and make them feel good!!!!!! don’t other people do this? just being NICE to other people? you compliment them even if they aren’t #1.

i complimented people all the time at my last horrible job. they appreciated it and they tried to compliment me. i prob didnt get enough compliments from higher up but who cares about them, my loyalties were to my team, not my higher ups hahahahaha.

at current job, i am prob happy with the level of compliments. and i tell the other people good job just to be nice and a team player. maybe theyre doing a shitty job. but i really dont think they are.

i imagine its a lot less triggering to read the women of reddit when you have a stable rel with a woman who is loyal to you, luvs you, sucks you off, etc. then you can just chuckle at these neurotic catladies bitching about everything.

but if you dont have that with a woman, then you take what these other women are SAYING way too SERIOUSLY. you should NEVER take what a woman SAYS seriously.  well, not on reddit. if she is saying she just wants to be casual friends, yeah i guess you should take that seriously too. or when she is letting slip gems about how many guys shes fooked and she doesnt realize she’s showing her slut level.

basically dont let what women say on REDDIT trigger you. just let it go hahahaha. step away from the reddit. meditate on big green bags of w33d that you wish you had hahahahaha.

shit maybe look at some HOOKERS on the erotic review hahahahaha.

read the local newspaper and upvote all the racist or right wing comments. maybe meet up with these people and buy them drinks, see if they can get you a better paying job when you tell them how much you fooking LUV being HWYTE.

meditate on how fooking AWESOME it is to be HWYTE. no joke.

march 9

so its super early, 648 am, really i could sleep in another 20 to 30 minutes but i dont mind getting up early, checking email, writing here, having time to have a 3rd stomach churning coffee water p00p if i have to (and i fully intend to in about 10 mins) and look at weather and traffic and email and calendars for people. get

ok had to do that before 10 minutes hehehe

but yeah so this is my opportunity to pump myself up. do the best i can. that was a valuable reddit thread above on the young man who is trying to get used to the world of work. it is a very fundamental question. even the people who are fortunate and skilled and smart enough to be gainfully employed at 28k a year have great difficulty adjusting to it emotionally.

50% of people are failures at life hahahaha.

this is what education SHOULD do. it should prepare children with the skills for work, so that they are GUARANTEED a 28k a year job as soon as they get out of high school at age 18. or more like 16. and you dont graduate until you have that job. and there would also be classes in high school on How To Adult: how to buy a home, how to raise children, how to be emotionally stable for 50-100 hours of WORK a week, how to not do drugs. schools and education fail at all these outcomes (objectives?). i mean yeah this stuff is probably the responsibility of the parents anyway. but these are THE most important things!!!! so keep your kids out of school and teach them The Most Important Things yourself because schools are absolutely useless.

education should be noble and sacred but the joos have ruined it, used it as a weapon against the stupid goyim. horrific. a travesty. also, you shouldnt leave The Most Sacred Trust up to a class of Professional Strangers! yeah yeah yeah at least 50% of them are True Believers in Making A Difference in Kids Lives and thats great, BUT, they still get trained in marxism by marxists and their good intentions are pretty much ruined hahaha.

maybe That Woman was way out of my league, she was way too good for me, because she was not a single mother. i simply don’t DESERVE a woman who is NOT a single mother. let alone one under 30 AND hwyte AND somewhat attractive!! WAY out of my league!!!!

i mean i am pretty much done with women until i stumble upon the next one hahahaha or take the action to Get A Hooker. i mean i cant legit try to Date Women until I have a 28k job, thats the rule, right? and all those online dating women are just a Marginal, Nominal, Horrifically Tiny step from being Hookers themselves, just less honest hookers hahahaha. with a hooker you know what youre getting. a woman who takes cash to fook 50000000 men.

but yeah i had that uncomfortable thought as i came home from a very easy day of making 11k a year: SHE WAS WAYYYYY OUT OF MY LEAGUE. SHE WAS WAYYYYYY TOO GOOD FOR ME. How FOOLISH of me to even entertain the thought. a hwyte trash fatherless gurl who is not super smart hahaha. way out of my league just because she doesnt have kids. and she is a solid 7/10 hahaha.

was she really out of my league? on paper it sounds like yes. but she wasnt out of league to be muh frand. and really its amazing she hadnt become a single mom herself yet. maybe she has by now. it doesnt matter.

but yeah when they dump you in a nice way, it doesnt bother you so much that they are out out of your league. when they dump you in a ruff way, you think, wow, maybe they were APPALLED that I had the AUDACITY to think I was even CLOSE to their league.

lesson: always be nice when you dump someone. dump people the way you want to be dumped.

did i learn my lesson: of course i did. how many more times must i say it. just blurt everything out as soon as possible. tell the whole truth immediately. i mean i hate to think i was a LIAR. I wasnt HIDING the truth. i was just too COWARDLY to tell the full truth, that i was heavily hinting with the way i was acting. lying would be acting one way, then denying it. i never DENIED anything. i was never asked to confirm or deny anything. but yeah i was no innocent victim. i had a role in my own downfall hahaha.

start of the weekend. no mj available. took 1 benedryl immed on getting home. plan to take 2 valium thruout day. not 3. 2 valium and prob 1 more benedryl.

i dont think women should be banned from asking questions/OP’s on reddit. i just think they should be banned from ANSWERING them!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/half-a-million-pussies-march-on-washington-demanding-president-trump-grab-them/79313

great article about women. go throw some shekels at anglin now that his tshirt sale is closed. good thing i bought one hahahaha.

My grandmother always said it should cost $5,000 for a marriage license , and $50 to get divorced. That way you will be absolutely sure that you are serious about it. sez guy on daily stormer bbs.

well, it already costs like 6000000000000000 to get married, but not for the license, but for the stupid bridezilla wedding. and then it costs 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 dollarydoos to get divorced hehehe. but i see the guys point and its a good one, i agree.

another great quote in the thread from oberstein:

”  xOberstein Jan 22  reply to: TaureanPolishAngel [he’s mansplaining to a young women how men and women are different]
Pretty much the same reason women are naturally hypergamous. It’s two sides of the same coin.

Men are lookers and initiators. They’re attracted to looks, and they have to consider as many women as possible to find one who they are interested in and who is interested in them. The men who are successful at relationships are those who are the most active in searching for a partner, and the best at wooing her. These men can’t just radically change their personality once they enter a relationship. They’re still going to find other women attractive – that’s not something they can just turn off. This is why men are considered polygamous, and why unprincipled men sometimes cheat.

Women are not active in finding relationships – while men are the lovers, women are the beloved. This is why you (presumably) wait for a man to ask you out, rather than asking him out yourself. Once a woman is in a relationship, she is devoted to her partner, because she has little experience in finding random men attractive or seriously considering strangers as potential partners. However, if another man enters her life who she finds more attractive than her current partner, she is likely to return his affections and cheat. This is why women are considered hypergamous.

Jealousy affects both men and women when their partner cheats, both because people want to be loved (obviously) and because having your partner cheat seriously damages your chance of reproducing. In fact, I’d argue that men go through much, much more pain than women if their partner cheats on them or breaks up with them. The suicide statistics don’t lie. http://i.imgur.com/irQtOYz.png4   ”

saor guardians. great album and gets even better with time hehehehe.

ate dinner, took one valium, drinking coffee and listening to saor guardians. great album.

ya know why i dont like women? because they’re not as MORAL as men, and I prefer moral people to less moral people. now i totally understand that women arent SUPPOSED to be as moral as men, they dont have to be. but i also dont think nature is FORCING women to be less moral than men. i mean it wouldn’t be UNNATURAL for women to be a little bit more moral. although as it is, it’s not unnatural for them not to be moral either. becuase they dont NEED to be, they never NEEDED to be. men NEED to be. so i just contradicted myself hahaha. but yeah even though women have less of a NEED to be moral, nothings STOPPING them from being more moral if they WANT.

i like more moral people better than less moral people, so i like men better than women hehehehe.

and believe i believe women COULD be more moral if they real WANTED to, i resent them for taking the Easy Way Out.

heh. setting clocks forward two days prior to daylight savings time simply because i can hahahaha. gives me more time to adjust haha.

well the women i DO actually know in real life seem pretty moral. again im going back to this FICTIONAL, IMAGINARY woman who doesnt really exist. it’s not even an accurate representation of That Woman although in my mind it kinda “looks” like her. but she wasnt super immoral or evil or jooish, she was just human hahahaha just like any of us.

jooish, thats a good word for immoral, hahaha. synonymous.

mansplaining is just explaining. womansplaining is not explaining at all, its just BULLSHITTING.

aphorisms, like nietzsche hahahaha.

schoepenhauer. was he any good?

weininger. was he a joo? if so, you know where he goes.

904 pm (really 804 but i am trying to train my mind) took second and last valium. will prob take benedryl in a few hours then go to bed.

a good day at the table today, doubled muh stack finally. i need to do this a lot more!

i wonder if i were in high school right now how easy it would be to get MJ.

when i was in high school it wasnt too hard to get MJ although i wasnt looking to buy too much ever.

when i went to college i wanted it much more. and it was PROBABLY even easier to get, but it seemed harder, because i had less friends in college than i did in high school, had a very hard time adjusting and making friends. i eventually made friends and then it was easier to get MJ, but things would still run dry more than youd expect. and you had very little choice. just buy super expensive high grade stuff or get nothing at all hahahaha. i wanted mid grade but couldnt find it. everything was super top shelf kind buds. wawawawawawa. nothing for more working class people. these were all super middle class uni kids. and many of them were decent, even great people.

although if i were younger and in high school or college right now…..i shouldnt be smoking mj because that was one of the big mistakes where i threw my youth away and became a failure at adulting now. was because i smoked too much mj back then. and alcohol, and porn, and being a weirdo, and not going to a shrink, and not taking meds, and being stubborn, and remaining in the useless college situation i was in, rather than going to a less middle class, closer to home uni and getting a degree in stem or business or machining. all those were factors, not just the mj.

heh. its like i dont have the energy or will or agency or initiative to ACT on what i’ve learned from all my mistakes and failures. i’ve learned the lessons but still DO NOTHING.

world womens day. fook off. what is this bullshit. first the womens march on washington, now world womens day, women stay home from work, etc. so stupid. its all just a gay ass jooish protest against glorious leader trvmpenfuhrer. they think hes literally hitler and wants to throw women and muslims in ovens. shit i wish he did hahahaha. well, not hwyte women hahaha. but publicly hanging traitors would be fine. would send a great message. its a little barbaric i guess. so you could put bags over their heads, and just let their hanging bodies hang there for a week. that would still get the point across.

i mean ideally women wouldnt go to work to begin with. and a family could survive on one income and men wouldnt have to compete against women for jobs in this grotesque abomination that is enough to turn me against capitalism hahahahaha. to see it as the other jooish side of the jooish coin of communism. just like the two sided joooish coin of marxism and zionism, you have the two sided jooish coin of communism and capitalism. DAMN.

so yeah just give me nationalism. hwyte nationalism.  with somewhat free trade optimised for the benefit of your hwyte citizens. hwyte fascism hahahaha.  and i would be a softie about hanging hwyte traitors. id hang a few though. the hardcore people would say not enough.

i dont even know if id hang illegal aliens hahaha. no i would literally catapult or airdrop them into their home countries. make them pay for it hahahah. shit i might even have our taxpayers pay for us, because it would benefit our country. just like The Wall. imho we dont need to make mexico pay for it. if you can get them to, FINE, but it’s still a good deal even if we have to pay for it. just build it quickly, dont put it off. people want to see this wall soon. i really hope he doesnt waffle on this wall and literally starts building it NOW. i dont care if its more of a see through grate or fence.  FINE. it makes sense, that you could see through and shoot through the wall. how about even just prisons have rows of barbed wire fences. that would be fine. throw up some cheap barbed wire fences. have manned guard posts every mile with people in there 24/7 with gunz hehehehe. yeah that would be expensive sure. but patriotic murkans would prob be willing to pay for it. would rather my tax dollars go to it than welfare bennies for illegals hahahahaha.

really i bet blacks are a bigger problem than illegals or muslims hahaha. well in some areas the illegals are about as big a problem as the blacks hahahaha. and the black question has been a tough one for many years because of course its connected to slavery. im not so stupid that i would deny that!

HA! watching watters world on fox news and he is interviewing people outisde the alamo and he talked to a metalhead wearing an inquisition shirt. he looked kinda latinx though hahahaha. almost certainly a degen but never saw an inquisition shirt on tv before hahaha. they are bretty kewl and there were rumors they were racis. ok they showed the guy again and he looked pretty white. inquisition is from south america america and im sure they are mixed mestizos, but i’d also say they are 75% white mestizos hahaha.  i would be willing to go to one of their concerts, i hear their concerts are GREAT.

mar 10

yep long post but my hands are tied. it is what it is what it is. because i already have 99 drafts and if i add one more, i get shut down. thats a wordpress rule. in fact im surprised they havent shut me down for my wrongthink.  even if you DONT talk about violence, and i dont, or crime, but you just talk about the JQ for long enough, and you will get shut down. you cant even talk about it. thats how you know its some serious shit hahahaha. so i thank god im a murkan, where at least i know im free. we have a lot more freedumz than other formerly hwyte nations like canada or uk or germany or aus.

the first song on this album is extremely catchy and popped in my head yesterday. this album came out in 1999 or 2000 and i remember it was a big deal. i was just starting to learn about black metal and death metal at that time and I remember when the album came out and i bought it on CD and everyone was like wow the great emperor finally came out with their follow up to the Groundbreaking Anthems album.

i suppose this IXE album sounds a bit dated today since black metal really didnt end up evolving this way and im kinda glad it didnt! ie overwrought symphonic stuff. but there are still some sweet riffs and fast blasts here.

and then emperor has become completely irrelevant and ihsahn still has plenty of die hard fans but he is certainly not Bleeding Edge any more. not that he has to be.

and then by 2001 i didnt really care about their final album hahaha.

they are not BAD, just….ITNE and Anthems were their best albums hahaha. maybe wrath of the tyrant too but im not familiar enough with that one haha.

in general, i am quite happy with the way black metal has been evolving the past 25 years or so hahaha and boy has it been evolving and i’m grateful that i can be happy about the direction its taking. both the throwback stuff, and the pagan stuff, and the artsy blackgaze alternative hipster stuff, the american stuff, the british stuff, the finnish stuff, the french stuff, the orthodox stuff, it’s all good!

http://archive.is/qpYAJ

hit piece on andrew anglin from columbus paper, feb 2017

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/the-atlantics-luke-obrien-launches-campaign-of-harassment-to-shut-down-speech-of-political-activist/90830

anglin tells of sleazy journos being sleaze joornos. they are the scum of the earth and the enemy of the people hehehe.

oh hay yesterday march 9 was the 99th birthday of george lincoln rockwell RIP.

http://archive.is/lYvw8

full text of “THIS TIME THE WORLD” his autobiog

http://laraj.ca/AGwiki/uploads/Fascism/America/George%20Lincoln%20Rockwell%20-%20This%20Time%20the%20World.pdf

pdf here made pretty by our lad zeiger, will prob get taken down hahaha

https://archive.org/stream/ThisTimeTheWorld/ThisTimeTheWorld_djvu.txt

i should buy a hard copy because this deserves to be proudly displayed on all hwyte men’s bookshelves hahahaha

i should have been reading and praising GLR for YEARS, its SAD ive only really started getting into him now. Sad! he was a giant. a LION of a man. without him, there would be no dr pierce, no david duke, no vvn, no 14 words, no dr greg, no weev, no andrew anglin, no trs. no me hahaha.

i mean this guy cuts right to the chase immediately and is just as timely as ever. on the first page, calling out the J and the WELTFEIND hahahaha. the twin evils of zionism and bolshevism. crush zionism. good lord. no rambling for pages and pages.

also he is just a good writer and not just a good speaker. he could and did write a good book that seems like it will be a pleasure to read.

even though he was tragically murdered FIFTY years ago, the stuff still reads like it was written TODAY.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/why-america-losing-its-cyberwar-stockpile-is-good-for-america/90756

mar 10 new article by weev writing for daily stormer. did not show up in muh google alerts for weev! maybe google is banning daily stormer from search results hehehe. i found it thru a link on a reddit that appears to be picking up where /r/altright left off when it was shut down.

heh. there are so many articles on daily stormer you cant even find them on the front page hehehe.

 

DESPAIR, WANTING TO SLEEP ALL DAY

7 24

Heh.  what it all boils down to, is you have to be a WORKAHOLIC just to Survive Bare Minimum. You don’t get to sleep in, you don’t get to take a break, you don’t get to have A Social Life, you don’t get Movie Night or Date Night or Family Night, you don’t get to Sleep In on Weekends.

heh. on Day 1 of Forcing myself to Get Up Earlier so I can Get Things Done and force self to be better with Time Management. Meaning no more 8 or 9 hours of sleep. Cut it down to 7! Of course, Real Workaholics get only 5 tops. That’s what you gotta do. So just be tired and give shoddy work, half-ass work, rather than no work. what, is your boss gonna FIRE you? They might. So let them. Let yourself get thrown out on the STREETS. As long as you don’t DRINK, you can prob get a bed in a Homeless Shelter.

But your boss yells at you and puts pressure on your because of your shoddy work, your boss hates you and is looking to fire you and would NEVER recommend you for ANYTHING, he not-so-secretly wants you and your family to die in a gutter.

yeah. so how do you get a reference/recommendation from your boss if your boss hates you and thinks you are Pond Scum? I guess you do not. You get recommendations from the one person at work you actually get along with, even if they are not your Boss per se. It doesn’t even matter if it’s your boss. Get it from your Work Friend.

Cal Newport: Secrets of the Best College Students, or something. I can prob recommend this book.

So LinkedIn is GrownUp Career Adult Facebook. Does it Cheapen or Devalue You, Your Skills, and your Recommendations by having that sort of stuff “cheaply” available on LinkedIn? Like you have 10 endorsements for 10 skill, 10 little recommendation blurbs from your Work Friends.

What I’m saying is: LinkedIn Recommendation Blurbs CAN’T be worth as much, or devalue the value of, more traditional recommendation letters……can they??

7 26

i forgot you can be tired AND angry. this is like the internet of your brain going down. No Connection to anything. Nothing makes sense. read words, they don’t mean anything. stupid mistakes multiply exponentially. you look REALLY stupid. so just push through to the end of the day and then go immediately to sleep. hopefully you don’t have any big obligations or deadlines to do after your day of Paid Work. Although you probably Should, because to Make It In Life, you have to be an Overachieving Workaholic who does work from 5 am to 2 am 7 days a week. and “only” 40 hours of that is Paid, if you’re Lucky.

BECAUSE THE WISE FARMER KNOWS THAT YOU DO NOT REAP AND SOW IN THE SAME DAY! YOU DO NOT REAP WHAT YOU SOW THAT VERY SAME DAY! IT TAKES A LONG TIME! MONTHS AND YEARS!

stayed up late to go to a concert, very tired the next day at Underjob. And this is going to bed at 1:30am and getting up at 7:30 am! This is Normal for Average Working Adults! This is ABOVE Average for Average Working Adults!

Drank one large strong coffee but did not want to drink any more because The Guts were acting up. Now just drinking water.

If I had an Extracurricular or anything Unpaid I would consider SHIRKING it just to take a 2 hour nap!

Anyway just wanted to say, a lot has changed in The Metal World since I was young. This was an Old School band who were around when I was young, I saw them several times when I was young, always great band, great times.

Anyway it’s not just a matter of Modern Hipsters now liking Metal, but also Metal in general being More Popular. There are Cute Young Girls at metal shows, wearing denim vests with patches (this is big metal style thing now) of bands that were considering pretty “true” or “underground” or “untrendy” 10 years ago. Of course “true” vs “false” is still a very hot button topic, and it all does smack of Hipster Tryhardism. Just saying that 10 years ago, there weren’t nearly so many Cute Young Girls at True Untrendy Death Metal Shows. Girls only like Trendy things. which is fine, that’s What Girls Are Like, I can accept that.

But yeah I was touched and moved by the Friendliness and Diversity and Openness. Not just Angry Young Hateful Failure Loser Troglodytes who want to Beat People Up! But Social, Friendly Men and Women who want to have a Good Social Time, a decent number of them probably have Good Jobs, they aren’t total Wastoid Losers in other words, despite their Long Hair and Tattoos. Metal was more of a Loser Outcast thing when I was young. Now the Young Metal Kids listen to their Old School Death Metal, get drunk on cheap beer, and get Tatts, but now they also have a Good Social Time with their friends, go to college, get unpaid internships, go to Grad School, get Good Lower Middle Class Jobs, get Gurlfrans and Wives and aren’t 30 year old Virgin Loser Omega Male Wizards like Your Author, hahahaha.

No I’m not a Wizard really, I WOULD get banned from Wizardchan if I Told The Full Truth: that I have FRIENDS, that I’m NOT a virgin (although, for a normalfag male, embarrassingly close to it!)

So in other words, the Metal Crowd seemed a lot more positive and I would have LOVED it if I were 18. But it reminded me of how Old I was, That Feel When you just can’t Get Into NEW things anymore, can’t fully enjoy new things or new people, you’re too far gone.

Though the very idea of a Cute Metal Gurlfran would have prob driven me crazy at the time. But now I would just find it too Weird. Do Not Want. But heck it’s hard to imagine really liking ANY Women after Girl 7! Too old for it! Too far gone! Can’t enjoy New Women!

So it’s funny how one can get in the Depths of Despair even when things are going WELL: got a nice Internship Offered to me on a Silver Platter, went to a fun Metal Show with a nice Audience, then I get tired from 6 full hours of sleep and get very crabby? See what just happened there! Maybe it was writing all this stuff that made me crabby! But yeah. perfect example of a ton of great things happening but you’re STILL in a Bad Mood. Also had an old great friend come in from out of town, had a nice delicious dinner, nice concert experience.  I Should be on Cloud 9 right now, despite being a Little Bit Sleepy!

But NOOOOOOOOOOO.

Makes you absolutely certain something is Fundamentally wrong with you, when you got all this good stuff going for you, but NOOOOOOOO. You can’t enjoy it.

Well, I guess, yes, something is wrong with you, but we can FIX it.

What would MAKE you enjoy it? Oh yeah: the Usual Excuse of: If the Last Girl You Were (Ever) In Luv With (And Will “Probably Be The Last Gurl You Ever Luv,” Cuz now you’re “Just Too Old and Tired and Jaded and Bitter”, now you’re just “DONE”) had successfully Become Your Gurlfran (for me that was “Girl 7”), and/or you had a Decent, Respectable, Lower Middle Class Masters Degree Job or Upper Working Class Bachelors Degree Job. Then you would enjoy everything. That would Fix you up just fine.

So yeah. really thinking about getting back on the Prozac/Paxil train; up from the 5 mg Weaning Dose, to the 20mg Normal Dose.

* oh here’s a great idea: maybe think of a “therapy group” or “group therapy” if you’ve never tried that before. It is not just DBSA and Emotions Anonymous. There is also Depressed Anonymous (heh heh), Lazy Losers Anonymous (heh), and you can also search PsychologyToday.com for local Therapy Groups which are Coordinated by a Mental Health Professional.

7 28 sunday

gotta dig deep today, but also don’t want to fight it.

so friday I was tired from getting “only” 6 hours of sleep, stayed in and watched movies all night. day off saturday, slept and slept and napped and dozed, got up, did some chores/errands, took a nap, had no energy, could only lay facedown and struggle to respond to texts, EVEN RESPONDING TO TEXTS takes a lot of energy, did not get my “wind” till about 7pm, dinner with friend, then movie with other friend, try not to be a negative nancy to muh franz.

good dinner, good movie, got home decent hour, like 12:30am, then sunday, day 2 off, slept till like 10 am, still tired, I figure that it takes me a good FOUR HOURS of being awake and being in a horrible, despairing, terrible, awful, downright scary mood, before that wears off. this is why I prefer to Work in the Morning. Then not so awful. I can be tired but at least be thankful I am being Minimally Useful, and that I am good enough at my Underjob that I can do it without a lot of effort or anxiety.

trying to get up at 8:45 am during the week and stick to a Time Management Schedule of: exercise, do Solid Work on my “Internship”, then go to my Underjob, then try not to stay up too late, so I can get good sleep and get up at 8:45 am the next day.

Reading 3 and will soon be 4 Books re Learning Skills and Knowledge applicable to “internship”, but not sure if I can “count” that as “internship” time because it’s not direct Work. That’s like the Homework you’re supposed to do outside of class.

Gotta keep reminding myself, Shoddy Work is better than No Work. Of course, doing shoddy work is frowned upon. But doing NO work is frowned upon even more.

but saturday was SCARY: having no energy all day, That Feel When, Friday Night, you Feel like you’d like to Sleep Twenty-Four Hours STRAIGHT. You procrastinate on Household errands and chores so you can sleep, take two naps, basically Nap Till Dinnertime, feels like a HANGOVER that lasts ALL DAY. The absolute best thing here is Being Scheduled For WORK, so then you can make money at least.

If you have to do “work from home” and actually get stuff done, it might be best to go to Starbucks or go to the Library, and stay there for at least four hours, and get something done there. when you have serious work on any sort of Sorta Serious Project, Four Hours is almost the Mimimum. Maybe Two. Because it takes at LEAST One Hour just to get the momentum rolling. Warm Up.

Well, just take it one day at a time, do some work rather than no work, maybe get back on 20 mg of SSRIs, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, pray, lift, walk, don’t stay out too late, be thankful for the good things. let go and let god, hahahahaha.

HOW TO BECOME A NORMALF4G AND WHY YOU WOULD WANT TO

Because they’re not hatefully angry at everything all the time, and can actually accomplish things in life.

1750 words. with a break in the middle!
july 1 monday 2013

[reel fast movie review, skip if desired cuz doesn’t really Fit The Mission of this Blog:
Kanal By Andrzej Wajda. Uhhh 6.5/10. Started off good, got a little slow towards the end, not as gay and boring as you’d think a movie from 1957 would be hahahaha. deals with the warsaw uprising of 1944. I prepped myself by watching the extras FIRST, then the actual movie. extras were good, a 27 minute thing on the making of, this was a 2003 interview with Wajda, his asst director on the film, and a Famous Polish Film Scholar. Second was a 27 minute interview of Wajda talking to some kind of Polish Ambassador in 2004 who was involved with the uprising. to put it in context. The Old Guy’s opinion was that the Warsaw Uprising slowed both the Germans and the Russians and somehow kept the Russian Army from taking ALL of Berlin and not just East Berlin. Not sure how. Kinda confusing. But the bottom line of Recent Polish History is that Poland was taking it up the A55 from BOTH sides, Germany to the West and Russia to the East, and Poland probably got screwed worse than any other country in WW2. Anyway. Warsaw Uprising is the Polish Home Army “militarily” fighting the Germans trying to occupy Warsaw, but “politically” also fighting the Russians, who were right at the doorstep. The vistula River. Russians coulda jumped in and saved the day, saved the Poles from getting murdered by the Germans, but the Russians preferred to just sit there and “bleed the poles to death.” NOT sure if there was still a Russian-German Nonaggression Pact in 1944 like there was earlier in the war.]

kids taking calc 2 or 3 over the summer. sweet baby jesus. I hate them because I envy them, that they can do this without RAGING out. One of the TOP Things I Hate right now is Good Students. I Hate People Who Don’t HATE Everything like I do. I hate Students who can diligently do their 10 hours of Hard Math HW a day during the 1/6 of the year it’s actually NICE outside, because they’re Good Students with a Good Work Ethic, and I Hate them because I Envy Them for their Good Attitude and Work Ethic which I don’t have but I wish I had, so I hate them…well, I don’t really hate THEM, I ENVY them, and I hate that I am not like them.

(

* Heh. WHAT WOULD IT TAKE for me to Productively, Chillly do Calc 5 and Orgo 6 over the summer…..think about it…..yes a Nice Radiant QT Prime Of Youth 19 Year Old College Gurlfran to Make Out With after doing Stupid Problems for 10 hours a day, to be cute and 19 years old and say Oh Good For You, I knew you could do it, now let’s cuddle as I rub my 19 year old body over you and you exclusively, and next month we can slowly upgrade to the next level of intensity, because I’m a Nice Girl, I only do One Base Per Month, bla bla bla bla bla

* ^^^^IRON-CLAD PROOF OF ME BEING WORLD’S HUGEST WOMAN-HATER. OMG THIS MISOGYNIST HAS SUCH A CREEPY CONTROLLING ABUSIVE VIEW OF WOMEN, NO WONDER HE’S A KISSLESS VIRGIN

)

I have determined that the best thing I can do regarding my HATE and ANGER towards SKOOL is to Beg For Mercy and Help from a College Counselor/Advisor. Make an appointment, show them my transcripts, say PLEASE can you HALP ME, I am really burning out here, what’s the quickest way for me to get an Upper Working Class 10$ an hour job already, I am sick of school, I need a little DIRECTION at least, can you PLEASE I BEG YOU give me a little direction, O GOD PLEASE HELP ME, I really HATE SKOOL at this point, but I’m SMART I SWEAR, just my lack of focus, work ethic, and my bad attitude and my hate and anger are really making it real HARD for me to use the good brain the lord gave me. Got the Brains, but the Feels get in the way. Got a lot of brains, but got a LOT of Feels too. TOO many feels. Oh Sweet Baby Jesus Hammercy On Me!

And maybe they can “connect the dots”, and say oh you’re real close to this this and this, so think about these 3 options, rather than the 9000000000 “options” out there right now.

*So, Brethren Losers, do yourself a favor and see your own College Counselor. Even if they ARE “Useless”, they can’t possibly be HURTFUL, especially if you’re at Rock Bottom right now as it is!
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* another thing that MIGHT help is Learning College Study / “Survival” Skills, like a Programmed Method for Taking Notes and Studying. Because you never really learned these things in high school, because high school was way easier, now college is way harder. well, not like psychology class, but like fooking organic chemisty and biochemistry and calculus and thermodynamics and statics and plastics and mechanics and stuff like that, where some psychotic 4sshole instructor shouldn’t have a job. Maybe take classes like these at the Community College if you can. Since those instructors don’t really Do Research, then Theoretically they need to be able To Teach. Theoretically. Although I can tell you a lot of them don’t know how to teach either. Anyway, there are tons of books on this type of stuff: “becoming a master student”, “how to study in college” by pauk, the Cornell Note Taking Method, the right vs the wrong way to do flashcards, etc.

So find the people who CAN help you (counselors maybe, tutors maybe) and talk to them and beg them for help because you’re at the end of your rope.

When they say maybe you should go to a shrink too, tell em YEAH YEAH, I’m going to a shrink, why don’t YOU go to a shrink, hahahahaha. No, they probably WON’T tell you to go to a shrink, and they DEF won’t tell you to K yourself like 4chan would. It’s their Masters Degree Lower Middle Class JOB to HELP YOU. And besides it’s paid for by the OBSCENELY GENOCIDALLY OVERPRICED TUITION. YOU are their BOSS. THEY are accountable to YOU, who pays their salary. MAKE THEM WORK FOR IT.

I guess don’t be super hostile to them, or super emo. Just gently let them know you’re Not In A Good Place right now, and you really need some Help Plox. And that aint no lie!

(I am trying to pump myself up to make an Appointment with a College Counselor, if you couldn’t tell)

And I would guess that it’s in These People’s Job Descriptions to be NICE. Nicer than some f4gg0t INSTRUCTOR I’m sure! Those Who Can’t DO, TEACH! (Unless they really WANT to Teach, then they may be good teachers I guess.) These Counselors Probably WANT to HELP you! Let them HELP you! Go to them and say, ” I’m kinda pretty much near the end of my rope here, I really need some Guidance. Help Me Determine My Next Step. ”

Anyway. Their Job is to Help You, so Make Them Do Their Job. I really HATED going to the Academic Counselor because I was STUBBORN and I was also SCARED. Don’t make the same mistake I did. I should have probably visited the counselor at least two times per semester. Got as MUCH outside help as I could, rather than as LITTLE.

* Being CONFUSED about where your LIFE is going is a BIG cause of ANGER. Maybe if you get a little HELP with this, you will be LESS ANGRY AND HATEFUL, and you already KNOW that will help you in all aspects of your life. Like LIFTING. or PRAYING. Less Anger/Hate will make you Better and Stronger and Smarter.

* Although if you follow My plan, you start the First Day of College with your Major Declared (Electrical, Mechanical, Computer, Biomedical, Chemical Engineering) and know what classes you’re gonna take and what profs you’re gonna stalk and what internships you’re gonna get, for every semester, and every summer, from day 1. THEN maybe you can get away with visiting the advisor once a semester, instead of once a MONTH, once a month would be ideal for lazy layabouts who don’t know what they’re doing and thus shouldn’t even be Away At College in the FIRST place.

* If you are Privileged Enough to be Away At A Big College, then Visit your Advisor once a month, every month, even if you think you don’t need to.

* Also, visit a Psychological Counselor / Shrink at least once a month, even if you don’t think you need to. Do it ANYWAY, to make sure you aren’t developing any bad habits, like anger or hatred or alcohol or drugs or laziness. It’s their job to keep you on track. To make you better and stronger. Heck if you don’t visit them now, you’ll just end up visiting them LATER, when you REALLY need it, once you’ve REALLY hit rock bottom, and you’re reading r9k and v9k and My Blog, and thinking about Ending It All because you’re a Huge Neet Loser Virgin who still wants to bang College Girls, but has even LESS of a chance now that you’re Creepy and Fat and Old. So Go On Spring Break like I said last post. The Ugliest of the Young Drunken State College girls will be hotter than the Average 35 year old Real World Bar Skanks With Kids. No Contest!

* Heh. Neet semi-wizards like us view Sex in a Very Big Picture Sense: Normalfags get sex. Women get sex. But we Beta, Omega, Wizard Virgins do NOT get Sex, or Cuddling, or Hugging, Or Handholding, Or GFs, or makeouts, or anything like that. So Women are essentially just Normalfags then. I know my Target Audience! I have good enough social skills to have S with a Drunk 5/10 Woman….BUT I HAVE IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS, hahahaha. Besides, I HATE skool, careers, and normalfags too much to ever fully BE a normalfag. Normalfags don’t have this much HATE, and it’s ultimately my HATE that keeps me from Succeeding in Skool, Career, Women, and Life.

* So I suppose the goal is….. BECOME A NORMALFAG. A Happy, Healthy, Handholding, Gurlfran-having Normalfag, who is able to Set Skool and Career and Relship Goals and Reach Them without raging out or giving up.

SAVE YOUR MONEY AND WORK AT STARBUCKS WITHOUT A DEGREE

tuesday june 18 2013

* I was/am always jelly of people who found college easy, or the best time of their lives, or better than high school, or anything other than a horrific waste of time and money. I personally found college to be 9000000000 times worse than high school….although I worked harder and had a much better Good Habits-to-Bad Habits Ratio in high school. But even in terms of time, money, and effort, it would seem College easily Fails a Cost Benefit Analysis. You can spend as many years in College as you did in Grade School AND High School COMBINED, plus you’re PAYING for this, where you’re not necessarily “paying” (directly, explicitly) for pre-college education. And the Competition is much worse, and you’re playing for much bigger stakes: A Sweet $10 an hour Upper Working Class Fulltime Entry Level Job. You can’t just be Above Average like in High School. You need to take classes that are 9000000 times HARDER, 900000000000 times more EXPENSIVE, AND be in at LEAST the Top 20% of your class, to get that sweet prize, and if you’re not, you shouldn’t even BE there. 80% of Students should just Drop Out of College and STARVE THE BEAST. STARVE. THE. BEAST. Just be like F00k This Genocide, I’ll SAVE MY MONEY and WORK AT STARBUCKS WITHOUT A DEGREE.

* But my “advice” is certainly clouded by my own negative experience.

* I cannot stop thinking of Obese, Balding, 34-year old laid-off men in the Community College Library, taking Summer Classes, and studying in the library doing homework and school stuff or job search FROM OPEN TO CLOSE EVERY SINGLE DAY. THEY PRACTICALLY LIVE THERE.

* I think, well I certainly don’t have that kind of work ethic, I want to quit school every time I get through one hard class like Calc 2. Then I take the Summer Off and Rage Against College and also get lazy.

* I could only personally recommend taking stupidass easy filler prereqs classes like Management 101 or Psychology 101 over the summer. I took Management 101 and it was the easiest thing ever. Besides meeting for 4 hours every week, hahahaha. But no papers, a couple of multiple-choice exams which may have been Open Notes, the biggest thing was one power point presentation we had to make and present before the class.

* But how is a Mickey Mouse class like this gonna give you a Competitive Advantage to get that Sweet $10 an hour FT job?

* Heh. There is this stereotype of College Students As Procrastinators. At least there was in My College Days, and now my age is showing. I think if anything, College Kids these days are Better Workers, More Competitive, Better Students, Better Habits, not necessarily all stupid and lazy like some of us old farts say. But yeah in my day, things weren’t as Ruff Out There, so everybody PRocrastinated, myself included. Still Do. Can’t help but think I was a MUCH BIGGER procrastinator than average, so that’s why I became a MUCH BIGGER LOSER than average!

* So Don’t Procrastinate. Hehhehehe. Much easier said than done, amirite, not like flipping a switch. It’s like changing a bad attitude into a good attitude. Bad habits into good habits.

* Can’t get that Obese Balding 34 year old man out of my thoughts. You think HE has a Young QT3.14 College Gurlfran? Hell No! He’s LUCKY to pull 40 year old Single Momz with Neck Tattoos from Plenty of Fish! And who’s gonna hire him when companies can get sh1tloads of young, beautiful, 21 year old grads from More Prestigious Schools? SO why doesn’t he just Give Up Now, when all the Odds are against him? It may sound like I’m tearing this guy apart, but I ADMIRE him A LOT for his EXEMPLARY Work Ethic, Good Attitude, and Perseverance. I wish I could BE like him! WHo would hire him? I would hire him in a heartbeat! If I ever had a position of Hiring Power, hehehe.

* I make it sound worse than it is. If he keeps up with his Good Attitude and Good Work Ethic, he WILL eventually get a Sweet Upper Working Class Job. Because that attitude gives him the perseverance to keep Working Long Hours Day after day without giving up, and THAT”s what will eventually get him A Job.

GO TAKE A BREAK NOW!

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nofap

this picture becomes much more relevant in a little bit…..

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* So back to our fundamental question: how do we become that guy? How do we change our bad attitudes into a good attitude like his? You think HE never gets moments of doubt, where he wants to give up? You think he never wants to Run Home And Cry To Mama because he’s too old and fat and failure to Pull A Young College Age Gurlfran QT that are Literally SURROUNDING him every day at College? What’s HIS secret?

* Perhaps Religious Faith In God.

http://www.ourcatholicprayers.com/prayer-to-st-jude.html

http://www.stjudenovena.org/stjudeprayers.html

http://blog.shrineofstjude.org/category/post-a-prayer/unemployment/

http://blog.shrineofstjude.org/post/st-jude-prayer-for-depression/

Even if you are not Catholic or Christian I think these prayers could be useful. For Agnostics too! But certainly not for you INTELLECTUALLY SUPERIOR FEDORA WEARING ATHEISTS! COME BACK WHEN YOU’RE REALLY DESPERATE!

* Or maybe he jerks off to porn the entire time he is not at the college studying. Heh. There was a 4chan r9k thread a few days ago (didn’t save it!) saying that “No Fap” was BS Bunkum, that Porn DOESN’T Hurt your brain or Sex Life, that that Movement is headed by Scientific PARIAHS, and that all these Neckbeards that think they’re doing themselves a FAVOR by quitting Porn or Jerking Off for 30 days really AREN’T. And that the people who think Porn IS a problem really have ANOTHER UNDERLYING PROBLEM that MAKES them think that, a problem like Depression or Social Anxiety or Sexual Anxiety or Autism or NEET or Morally Lazy Loserness.

* I say f00k these f4gg0ts, who CARES if the Your Brain On Porn guy is a “PARIAH”, give it a try ANYWAY for 30 days. And if you “HAVE” to watch porn to get a “release”, then only do it once every THREE days, and try to watch something Vanilla.

* Jesus Christ, even say 12 years ago, Anal Sex was considered Kinda Fetishistic! And now it seems 90% of Porno Vidyas with a Young Cute Girl, ends up with her getting Viciously Reamed in the Ass at some point, just a matter of course! THIS is EXACTLY what I’m talking about! You think you’re gonna be VICIOUSLY REAMING your QT College Gurlfran Up the 4SS Every Night before Cuddling?

* In short, I lean more towards the Your Brain On Porn “PARIAHS” than the Fedora Atheist Scientist College f4gs who say “that’s not scientifically valid, you just need therapy, and taking a break from vicious asspounding porn won’t help you one bit.” f00k THEM.

DBSA, SUPPORT GROUPS, BAD ATTITUDE, BAD WORK ETHIC, COMEDY, ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

* There is a group called DBSA Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance or something like that (search it), and they have Support Groups for Lazy Losers like us. I have been meaning to check it out for the past couple of years. Now I live in a Crap-Tier city, and we have like at least one meeting per month, so if you live in or near a crap tier city or better, you should have one too.

Online forums like DepressionForums and SocialAnxietyForums (I should Blogroll them) are GREAT, as are /adv and /r9k and /v9k, but I would be interested in what an actual Face To Face group would be like.

* You might be able to find one Nice Person There you could Bribe With A Pizza Party for an Entry Level Full Time $10 An Hour Job!!!

ninjaturtlestmnt-eatingpizzaparty

There is also a group called EMOTIONS ANONYMOUS which uses the 12-step format.

What better group of people to Appeal To for an Entry Level Fulltime Job than people who are sorta like YOU! Lazy Losers who by some miracle and/or Good Old Fashioned Hard Work, pulled themselves UP FROM MORALLY LAZY LOSERNESS!

*”I object to you using the term Morally Lazy Losers to describe people suffering from a debilitating condition.”

Objection noted. I agree that it’s not FUN to SUFFER from Morally Lazy Loserness, hahahahahahahah!!!

I mix a slightly unorthodox way of Talking, in with my more orthodox Life Suggestions, to create my own approach to fix this problem, for you and me.

* “You’ve got such a sh1tty ATTITUDE, such a Bad Work Ethic, such an attitude of entitlement, you think you’re ENTITLED to an Entry Level Fulltime Job With Benefits, you think this is a HUMAN RIGHT, until you fix this BAD ATTITUDE and develop a good Work ethic, you will remain underemployed, and RIGHTFULLY SO!”

Interesting perspective, SIR. Part of this blog is to Help Myself and other Losers with BAD ATTITUDES like me, FIX our Bad Attitudes into Good Attitudes, so we can move from Underemployment into Full Employment. It’s just as easy as flicking on a light switch! MAKE THE CHOICE TO HAVE A GOOD ATTITUDE!!!

Hahahahahaha, I’m sure you hate these faggots too. AND RIGHTFULLY SO.

* Try Exploring your Ethnic/Genetic Heritage. Find out Where Your People Came From. You are the unique product of hundred/thousands of years of evolution and breeding. your ancestors came from somewhere. find out where that somewhere is. this is good way of belonging to a group, because it’s in your Genes. In your Blood. Nothing you do about it, so you might as well accept it and learn to ENJOY it.

* watch some movies using the language of Your People, read some books on the history of.

* find some stupid meme you find hilarious on 4chan and then research the pictures for an hour. for example right now I am in a Spurdo mood and thus anything spurdo makes me laff. see jokes, humor, comedy, positive feels.

spurdo-ijustwanttohaveagf

although i’ve been really analyzing comedy/humor lately, trying to discern positive humor from negative humor. this one might actually be negative humor. anything that makes fun of somebody, or is super sarcastic, or degenerate, or promoting decadence, perversion, nihilism, etc.

Note that this is THE VAST MAJORITY of “comedy” as seen in The Mainstream Poison Media!\

For EXAMPLE, I am trying to rationalize to myself my enjoyment of the Mainstream Poison TV Comedy, “American Dad.” From the decadent, perverted, degenerate mind of Seth Macfarlane. Mocking the traditional, conservative, family values I hold dear. The character Roger, a Perverted, Depraved Sex Addict Omnisexual Gambling Drinking Drugging Borderline Hedonist Narcissist Degenerate, I find him especially funny.

Am I not actually Poisoning my mind and soul by watching this trash? WHY do I REALLY find it funny? Well, it’s most certainly CLEVER. And I relate with Traditional, Masculine Family Man Stan, sort of like Hank in “King of the Hill.” (Mike Judge is a good go-to if you’re looking for intelligent, yet traditional and morality-minded, not completely degenerate, comedy.)

Another example: I used to really enjoy the George Lopez show because George was so clever and funny….but the Dysfunction Family aspect eventually started to grate on me, especially his Annoying Mother and how there’s no Moral Redemption there. IMHO Lopez is a decent guy but has been Poisoned by the Hollywood mentality….like much of Hollywood.

Heh heh. You can probably guess that Mel Gibson is my Favourite Hollywood Celebrity, exactly because he stands against that tide. So Mel Gibson, Mike Judge, and maybe George Lopez need to make a Comedy TV Show and establish their own Entertainment Media capital, outside of Hollywood.

Well, my justification then for watching “American Dad” is that it’s not AS depraved as “Family Guy”, MacFarlane’s Other Show, not as Annoying of a style (jump cuts, references) as Family Guy, MacFarlane’s actually an intelligent Humorist MAYBE, underneath all his bullcrap; and it makes me laff.

When I Stop Laffing, I’ll stop Watching.

Have been hypothesizing that to find Good Clean Humor, I might have to go back to the Old Days of TV/Movies, 1930s and such. Laurel and Hardy, 3 stooges kinda stuff maybe.

Heh. I don’t trust The New York Media Machine either. All Mainstream Media has The Poison innit, and the roots of this go way back. So I try to create my own Non Mainstream Comedy. Or the stuff you find on 4chan like Spurdo Sparde. Absolutely hilarious, absolutely not Mainstream TV (although definitely Mainstream Message Board, Mainstream Memes, etc), although alot of the time 4chan humor is OBVIOUSLY mean-spirited.

Just saying it gives Basement Dwelling Losers Like Us a Real Opportunity to contribute Comedy to the World, without Sucking D’s in the Entertainment Industry.

* One Last Tip: “NO COMMENT” isn’t just for people who don’t want to talk to reporters. AND Having the Power to Getting Up And Walking Out during a Job Interview Gone Horribly, Horribly Wrong also extends to You talking to people Talking about Your Failed Career and Total Lack Of Ambition and Career Goals, or any topic you don’t want to talk about for that matter: YOU DON’T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT, WITH ANYBODY! JUST SAY, “I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT. NO COMMENT.”

Thermometer-lazy-3
Thermometer-lazy-3 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

INTRO pt 7: YOU NEED THERAPY, ENERGY DRINKS

may 19 2013

anyway this new blog really IS a good idea, the most useful feel related thing I’ve done in a while. It helps to write With A Purpose, Prompted, For A Reason, rather than Pure Venting All The Time. And when I write with the tone of Me Helping You, Advising You, it Helps me.

So give that a try. Start your OWN blog of you Helping Others.

On 4chan they only tell you two things: KILL YOURSELF or GO TO THERAPY. This is because they are internet tuff guys. They wouldn’t tell their Real Life Friends and Loved Ones this! If they had any!

So that is the tone I will take with you. Gentle, Kind, yet Firm push in the right direction.

Because Killing Yourself is weak and cowardly and terrible to those you leave behind; and going to therapy is not a cure-all; just like taking boatloads of Plutocrat Pills is not a cure-all. (though Therapy is probably better because it’s not Physically, Permanently Destroying Your Brain!)

I would say give therapy a TRY if you can get something convenient, close, and cheap. Sometimes you can go to a “Family Services” center and talk to a Clinical Social Worker or Clinical Counselor (Masters Not PhD or MD) for reasonable sliding-scale rates. closer to 30 bucks an hour rather than 100 bucks an hour. Having a Real Person you can Whine and Complain and Vent to for one hour every 2 weeks might be helpful. Call around, or have Your Mom call around if you’re too scared, hahahahaha.

Maybe try to find someone in line with your own personal values, worldview. For example, I might ask if they have a MAN who is fairly MASCULINE, or conservative/traditional, who is more Jungian than Freudian, who is big on Holistic and CBT rather than Pharmz.

Getting 8 hours OR MORE of SLEEP is VERY IMPORTANT. Every night. Monday Thru Sunday Thru Monday again. Now there’s this Sleep Hacking stuff, and the Ubersleep, where you take 6 20 minute naps over a 24 hour period, where your sleep matches up exactly with your REM cycle. This is super advanced and I would not recommend it right now. Save it for a few years from now when you have a good job and a good waifu and are in good shape.

. go take a break,

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Some “Depressed” Lazy Loser Weakling Loser Omega Virgin Failures tend to sleep too little, others too much. you prob know which category you fall into. I personally was a Too MUCH type. Especially after quitting alcohol/drugs, Sleep became my new Escape Drug. I would make a great Heroin Addict. Don’t want to face life? Just sleep, sleep, sleep. It’s like being dead.

As soon as i would get a chance, I would lay down to take a nap. Napping became my favorite thing to do. Getting ready for my underjob at 5 am I would be very angry and couldn’t wait until X o clock when I was done and could come home and take a NAP.

Then I would drink a TON of coffee to force myself awake. That prob didn’t help.

So now I am cutting back on my coffee, quite successfully. The amount of coffee I was formerly drinking was not going to help my sleep schedule anyway.

But don’t stay out late, don’t drink. Try to get 8 hours. I like to tack on an extra hour for laying in bed Trying To Get To Sleep, because you can’t fall asleep immediately upon laying down. so, 9 hours. Say you have to get up at 5 am. That means you should get into bed, lights out, at EIGHT PM the previous night. Yep that sounds early because it is. DO IT ANYWAY.

Get thick curtains to darken your room if it’s summer and the sun is still out. Heh. During the winter when it gets dark at 4 pm you will just want to go to bed at 4 pm and sleep 13 hours a day.

Get all of your coffee drinking done early in the day. The half life of caffeine is like 6 hours, which means it takes forever to get out of your system. If you get up at 5 am and start drinking coffee which is understandable because THAT’S EARLY SON, try to be done drinking coffee for the day by…..9 am. DEFINITELY by noon. No lunch coffee, def no dinner coffee.

If you don’t feeeeeeel like exercising, and you rarely will, be thankful for the times that you DO, then just look at your Big Fat Gut and Awful Stretch Marks in the Mirror, grab it and jiggle it around a little, and say, just go out for a goddam WALK. WHY do you have this gut? because your diet is not good and because you don’t exercise enough.

But even at your weakest, you have the power, one day at a time, to choose not to eat or do unhealthy things. You can choose to do and eat healthy things one day at a time. Throw that piece of bread away. Eat only half of your fried chicken, hahahaha. Go for a 15 minute walk. Do 5 pushups. Babby Steps.

Also, THROW OUT ALL SODA POP. High Fructose Evil.

I am also very against DIET SODA POP. I am convinced the aspartame either causes CANCER (maybe not, but good enough reason to quit it!), or, that more likely, it fools your body into Wanting Sugar. I don’t like fooling my body, I like to think my body has been programmed to know what’s best for it.

So I quit Diet Soda and Switched to Regular Soda. Would buy 2 liters of My Fave Soda, Mountain Dew Code Red or Blue, and drink maybe the equivalent of one 12 oz can per day. That’s prob not too bad. Huge Soda Addicts will drink a liter or 2 per DAY. THAT’s bad.

Then I stopped buying it. Now I will drink a couple of sodas a week at the restaurant or bar, and that is good enough.

When you drink Regular Soda, you will want to drink LESS of it on the whole. So that 2 sodas a week is more than enough. And 2 sodas a week is not gonna make you fat and unhealthy!

ALSO, DO NOT DRINK RED BULL OR MONSTER OR ANY ENERGY DRINKS. THOSE ARE HORRRRRRIBLE. IF YOU FEEL THE NEED FOR ENERGY (and you prob will cause you feel drained of energy ALL THE TIME) and you feel you MUST have some kind of stimulant, DRINK COFFEE INSTEAD. NEVER DRINK ENERGY DRINKS. DRINK A POT OF COFFEE INSTEAD.

Don’t put SUGAR in your coffee, or cream. If you MUST put something in your coffee, put a little bit of Organic, Grass-Fed BUTTER in it. This is called “Bulletproof Coffee” and I have had great times experimenting with it. This does not mean put a whole stick of butter in with your morning coffee if you are also eating 10 pieces of buttered toast for breakfast. Remember what we said about BREAD. It’s prob about as bad as ENERGY DRINKS.

Next post I will talk more about SQUAT POOPING.