NO CONCEPT OF SPACE

for weds the 12th of april

sept 6 2016

At Taco Bell, we’re hungry for Mas. Mas Heart, Mas Flavor and Mas Value. If you want Mas in your life read on!
Think About it…

Do you know how to inspire and engage? Do you make others smile easily?

When you say thank you do you mean it?

Are you a foodie? Do you know what it takes to make awesome food?

Do you love your team like you love your family?

Do you know what it means to create a 5 star customer experience?

Do you take your work seriously but not yourself?

Are you a proud mama or papa when your team achieves success?
If no, your career aspiration with Taco Bell has died here.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ultimately this is actually sad and horrifying but my initial reaction is indignant, contemptuous laugter. but THERE FOR THE GOD GO I. and I must pray that I never reach the point where I would write a job desc like that and wholeheartedly believe it.

got back from big 2-3 day social event, most social i have been in a very long time. still trying to process. kinda overwhelming really, but ultimately very good and glad i did it. good thing for me to do, glad to be invited. was just faced with my own insecurities and issues: somewhat with my own personal failures but what i wanted to explore was my complete failure to communicate and connect with people while I was under the influence of MJ.

yes there were a lot of MJ partakers up there, i kinda expected that, and i said i would partake a LITTLE bit, and indeed i did, for the first time after like a year of abstinence. got an interesting reaction there that pretty much confirmed that i should not do that in a social situation ever. because yeah it makes it absolutely impossible for me to follow or understand or contribute to any conversation, which is very frustrating and also bad for the confidence. other people do not seem to have this problem, but i sure do. so i was careful to just have one puff at a time with large space in between, often PASSING on the MJ as it went around!

and STILL a couple time i went a bit over the line where my mind was completely blown and blazed, and really all it takes is just ONE extra puff which will then totally overwhelm you 20 minutes later and you will feel like a retarded idiot child hhahahahahaha. not fun when trying to communicate with successful adults with good careers, wives, children, etc.

of course there was no judgement happening whatsoever, except by me!

oh man. LOT of stuff to cover. i mean the thoughts that were going on in muh head at the time.

like i want to examine the idea of SPACE and, well when I was blazed a few days ago, I thought DAMN I really didnt understand the concept of SPACE at all, I totally invaded her SPACE like a WEIRDO badman, god damn I was such an idiot who has no idea how to deal with women and rels, i have no concept of this stuff, its SOO BADDDDD, I am hopeless, I can’t believe I fooked it up SO BAD without even intending, to be SO incompetent and wrong, so yeah so STRONG self blaming there, she was RIGHT to react the way she did, she was RIGHT to throw me away, she was RIGHT to never respond to me.

or thoughts of ulterior motives, like yeah, this is just what happens. you might not HAVE ulterior motives but theres NO WAY you are gonna convince the woman of that! It’s simply impossible in that situation! so i need to get over my desire to want to have her understand I did not have ulterior motives. because she never will understand that. never ever. but yeah i dont like being remembered that way.

and when i was blazed, yeah the self blame and self recrimination was just horrible. stream of constant negative thoughts in a multitude of ways. many diff kinds of negativity hahahaha.  in other words I should never do MJ EVER!!!!!

thankfully i did not flip out and have a panic attack or anything, but im sure a few more puffs and i would have been much closer to that! I already felt like a total WEIRDO and outsider and just inferior in every way!

so why do I like this junk again??!!?!?!!!??!!?!??

because it makes MUSIC better and because its ok in “groups” of TWO or smaller hahahahaha.

ITS NOT WORF IT M8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cuz I GUARANTEE there would still be SOME kind of stream of negative thoughts. doubts and fears and blame and recriminations. even if I were alone or with 1 other person. I know from experience, its more than a guarantee, it has happened!

so, if i get more terrible neg thoughts in general when partaking, even in the best of “set and setting”….then why even do it at all?

I could literally, measurably, noticeably communicate and talk to other people better socially when not under the influence. i just had a damn controlled trial 2 days ago. i noticed a definite difference!

yeah it was overwhelming, but in no way did the anxiety when partaking the MJ ruin the overall event. overall, it was mind blowingly fantastic and positive, the most positive social event for a long time.

but when i got done i was more exhausted than I have been in a long time, even more my usual low energy self, but this time was even more extreme, and i slept for 16 straight hours. unbelievable. could not even be awake. and the sleep was pretty solid too. i really needed it hahahahaha.

so now I am trying to wake up from that, drinking some coffee, still feel a little bit “post MJ” and not sure if that is the MJ or just that my body and mind were exhausted and id been asleep for 16 hours hahaha. prob the latter.

so now i can start really processing everything and that of course is a big mission of this blog hahaha. me processing shit. with 10% of that maybe helping the reader hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

anyway. yeah at some points i felt ASHAMED of my total failure to comprehend to her idea of SPACE, and just invading her space over and over and over and over again! no WONDER she reacted so intensely!

and while blazed, i couldnt think of the positive, rational response: yeah I did not have a great idea of space, BUT (AND) she could have REALLY just written me one email. or one text. given me ONE LITTLE THING.

One of the old friends I met who actually lives sort of near me now is a social worker woman who mentioned this great idea of replacing “BUTS” with “ANDS” because AND I guess gives more validation and acceptance and understanding to what your initial complaint is. does not disqualify any part of anything. and then the AND qualifies the good shit as well. I said to her, yes I have read a LITTLE bit about that, and I agree it is totally awesome and I agree completely. she also mentioned the idea of “dialectical behavior therapy” as kind of a counterpart to cognitive behavioral therapy, and I said I knew all about CBT but had never heard of DBT, and I am leary of the word “dialetic” hahaha but whatever you are describing sounds really interesting.

i guess it is a lot CBT but with more of a focus on talking and the dialectic you establish with yourself?? i said I would look it up and i intend to. maybe engages to cognitive component even more, for introverted weirdos like me who need to write 6,000,000 page blogs to constantly PROCESS everything. this might give you a more positive way to process everything.

so, in short, whenever you say BUT, replace it with AND instead. in 99% of cases it will still work AND it will be the healthier thing for you to tell yourself. as far as reaching your goals and shit.

she also mentioned some kind of best practices for goal setting. specific, measurable, realistic, that kind of stuff. i mean i already know all that but its nice to hear other people who are professionals in the area speak about it hahahahaha.

unfort most of the people were anti trump leftists and i was in no position to argue with anyone. i didn’t WANT to argue with them. they are all nice good people who I should look up to as role models 4 a good lyfe……but i just dont care for the leftism. but its not like these people are living their lives being total degenerates! hurting people and lying and cheating! they all want to do the right thing too!

but yeah there was definite examples of antiwhite cucking by white leftists. and not even in a im sorry to be white sort of way. but just enthusiastic, true believer, whites are the cancer of the human race sort of shit, totally shamelessly. but, interestingly, no real guilt about being white, but im sure if i pressed them, they might say something like yeah it sucks to be white and thats why I do everything I can to support the oppressed and be an ally etc. i cant help being white but i have lived my life fighting the man, so i am secure in myself.

i would almost prefer if they WERE ashamed about being white, because that might show me a chink in their armor hahahaha.

someone blatantly said “your mother is a communist” and i was like WOW that is pretty rude, but i didnt doubt the veracity, because I know the guys mother is a lifelong leftist activist type, father as well, and this is where he get it from. which makes sense. if my family were huge leftist activists, i would probably be too. like old school summer of 68 types that became fairly professional, rather than burned-out hippies.  but they are good people and raised good children. also there wasnt any race mixing hahaha. not that they wouldn’t blatantly approve of race mixing! they just never actually had mixed children, and I am secretly happy about that. nor did their kids, one of whom was/is one of my old friends i was looking forward to seeing. he will never change being a huge leftist, but he is still a very good admirable person. but he married a white wife and had a white child too………

its just WEIRD that such decent, good people could also be such damn leftists. so you CAN still be a good person and live a moral life if you are a leftist. its just weird to see though. what would be too far? maybe if any of them had had mixed race children. or were in positions of political power and doing blatantly antiwhite policies. but, somewhat surprisingly, no one is in political power. they have great careers and probably Manage Teams and have masters degrees from top skools and make 80 k a year. but i guess as long as a person is not a lying cheating scumbag, i am ok with them.

but this guys white communist mom has been married to his white communist dad for like 40 years, with no weird open marriage bullshit, and they have white children who married white women and had white children, with no weird open marriage bullshit as far as I can tell.

so yeah i pretty much hid my alt right and pro trump views because a. i wouldnt be able to convince anyone b. people might be like poor him, he’s confused because he’s having a rough spot in life, so he is clinging to this racist xenophobic sexist stuff out of fear and frustration. so i just avoided talking about it and made jokes about guns and even probably one genuinely nonjoking statement about how i would have no problem with owning a gun, which is actually a big deal for these people, most of whom come a town where everyone is a leftist who hates guns and whites and the only people who even Go Hunting are Racist Redneck Angry Uneducated Whites who are angry and afraid and republican and trump voting, fox news, etc. too hateful and ignorant to get their phds and get a professional career and get the political views to accompany those professional careers.

its like these people have NEVER MET A RIGHTIST!!!!!!!!! They literally think they are the worst people in the world! rightophobia!!!!!!!

well, i talk shit about the left all the time, i despise the left and 99% of leftists. these people are essentially GRANDFATHERED IN. but doesn’t it mean there are a lot more leftists who are decent people? yeah probably. lets say 50 50.

but yeah i dont really hate individual people, especially when i get to know them, even hardcore leftists. but i hate the left as a set of ideas that is really destroying the country hahahaha and the west. and the white race.

interesting enough, they can rant about trump and trump is like hitler, its so scary, and be like yeah of course i will always vote democrat, thats what smart people do, who are not evil white capitalist greedy stupid redneck religious gun toting haters! BUT no one had anything positive to say about hillary, and probably were not volunteering their time to campaign for hillary. well hillary is too establishment and not leftist ENOUGH they’d probably say.

but they dont volunteer for even worse leftist shit either.

so yeah these people will always remain grandfathered in for me i guess. and i guess i could probably “keep an open mind” if i were meeting new people. but i dont meet many new people.

but yeah i puffed the MJ and was like DAMNNNNN I REALLY REALLLLLLY was an idiot regarding the concept of space. She told me she wanted space and I couldnt RESPECT that!

well, she could have TOLD me a little better and clearer, and continued to communicate with me regarding it! like, oh by the way, this IS an ultimatum, and this is because i’ve been getting weird vibes from you that you like me, and also we shouldnt talk or text at all, but i’ll continue to talk and text you.

plus, what about: SPACE does not give you license to avoid the issue altogether. avoid and ignore. SPACE means we are gonna stop hanging out, and stop talking every day. but it doesn’t mean you continue to do that FOREVER unless you have a decent TALK about it.  if you want to parlay the SPACE into a Permanent End Of Rel, you have to TELL the person, especially when they make their interest clear to stay in the rel, by asking you every 2 weeks, when are we gonna hang out again, its been many months since we hung out, can we hang out this weekend finally?

heh. we also did a ritual which was partially intended to help me get over That Woman. This is me and this other guy I saw there who is one of my favorite people and who I was really looking forward to seeing, and if i lived in the same town as him, i would Want to hang out with him regularly, because he is a great, classic guy. he is also not as blatantly leftist as a lot of the people. and we are both hopeless romantics who have gotten heartbroken by women many times. but he has improved because of it and become a confident, charismatic, outgoing, charming man, and has Slayed plenty of Pvssy in the time since we were young.

he is very very good at organizing social events and being a Host type of guy, make you feel good about yourself, kind of guy. pull out all the stops and do special things for special occasions, just raise the bar and do awesome things. shower people with unexpected gifts, organizing fun party buses, putting on one man fireworks shows, just amazing the things he does, very glad to know him.

anyway everyone was going to bed early like responsible adults and i was kinda looking forward to staying up late the last night (2 nights) and watching some people get Annihilated (of course I did not drink, i have not had anything to drink since 2009). i thought he was gonna go to bed, but he surprised me by totally playing to my sensibilities. he bullshitted me that we were gonna do some seance type black magic ceremony that he knew, and i played along and honestly was not sure how much he was bullshitting, but he put together this plan to essentially burn a log in half on the fire. put a long log across the top of the fire pit, build fire underneath it, and then the goal is to keep that fire going long and strong enough to cause the top log to break and or crumble.

and then that was supposed to symbolise you getting over something, something you want to be over and done with, something holding you back. I said yeah I can make it about this woman if that’s what you’re getting at, hahahaha.

so i dont know if this is an actual thing or he just bullshitted the whole thing, but it made sense and seemed a very nice way to symbolically “break” someone or somethings hold on you. a symbolic ceremony to turn the page, move on. i said well you can use this too because you have a big move coming up and I want that to go well for you.

initially I thought the goal was to weaken the log and then one of us would break the log by stomping on it or something.

ultimately our goal became to just burn all the way through the log until it broke because of the fire.

so we had to add a RIDICULOUS amount of wood to the fire to accomplish this. and it took at LEAST  6 hours. essentially we ended up staying up ALL NIGHT till the SUN CAME UP and then finally the log split. there was no crumbling really, it was more like two little hands reaching out to each other.

but yeah the log just sits there taking all that heat, not showing any signs of anything, or it seems like it should have broken long ago but it doesnt. pretty much everything about this was symbolic as fook, he knew it, I knew it, he knew I knew it, I knew he knew it. So yeah it was a beautiful thing.

not sure if it actually worked regarding That Woman, I mean I have been slowly getting over her anyway so I dont feel I needed a CEREMONY, plus I said yeah she is technically a good person so lemme just say I am not trying to put any curses or hexes or Black Magic on her, so I covered my ass there hahahahaha. well, I kinda want her to have a bastard baby soon with some deadbeat black, but I guess I forgot about that.

but yeah it was nice that he was thinking of me and did this nice thing for me hhahahaha. very touching. great guy. great to see him after over 2 years. last time i saw him i was just a few months from falling in luv with the woman. i told him, yeah i have this female friend but i dont feel that way about her, it would be weird, i dunno.

i would ideally have some GOOD headphones then get very blazed and listen to this album hahahaha.

I am not as well versed in this album as I am with “transilvanian hunger”, an uncriticizable classic. UaFM I have some actual complaints about, like i skip some songs, guitar sound is too thin. but yeah this probably is culto’s best vocals. totally sick the whole album.

now darkthrone is about as consistent as neil young…..but everyone agrees this is one of the good albums. the classic albums. i would much rather listen to this album than the more derivative albums it inspired. basically just freezing cold, hateful, nihilistic, raw, pure, trve, kvlt black metal. no poseur or hipster or modern bullshit. not overly long. great year, 1993.

none of the women at this thing were really bad. even the worst one is not a bad person. i just wouldnt want to date her. but she is still very nice to me. and she is super duper successful and makes like 150k a year and gives Expert Opinions in Congressional Hearings. yes the big Federal US Congress in DC.

how many men had each of the women been with? how many abortions had each of the women had? how many nonwhites had each of the women been with? how many hearts had they each broken?

none of that really crossed my mind at the time, hahahaha. prob cuz i had NO interest in dating any of the women.

however, the married women, i was kinda judging their mate value. but they were wonderful people too. ideally the one woman would have been a little younger when her and my old friend got married, but they are still a good Pair and they have had a child. but im not sure another child will be coming quickly, and of course that was my ideal, that they have at least 3 children hahahahaha.

basically i care about the mudsharking and slutting and abortions etc a HELL of a lot more when i am considering Dating the woman. if I am just being friends or friendly, I dont really care. also if my freinds are MARRYING the women, i would HOPE they choose at least SOMEWHAT wisely and not pick a TOTAL piece of trash. And i don’t think they did. I just wouldnt want to marry these women myself hahahaha.

basically if i didnt know these people and the first and only thing i knew about them were their horrible political beliefs, i would say, these are probably terrible people. the worst kind of white antiwhite scum.

but in fact they are very very good decent people.

so what did i learn? that leftists can be good people? I already knew that, I mean nothing i’m saying here is NEW. I knew they were leftists when i first met them. and i thought i was a leftist. and i started moving right, righter, and far right hahaha. but they stayed leftist. but they also stayed decent people. i just think its interesting that they never woke up or got redpilled. even getting married and having kids did not redpill them. or working with obnoxious nonwhite customers. living in a multicultural diverse city. i can’t imagine anything that WOULD redpill them. they could get robbed by blacks and then say something like “we cant let this turn us racist. we cant forget that these blacks wouldn’t be put in such a desperate position without racist hateful greedy white men who created the systems of oppression that keeps blacks poor and desperate.” i really think they would say that. NOTHING is going to “redpill” them.

 

75% IN LINE WITH GOD’S WILL

sun dec 15 1057 am

the power of Christ compels me to write in the blog. One day at a time. Sleep on it. I was in a bretty Angry Against GOD mood yesterday, and somewhat better today. When it gets right down to it, I am at least 70% in agreement with God’s Will, but there are several policies we disagree on, namely, my obsessions with Sex and Race, or my disagreement with the Slave Mentality, or the Eternal Conscious Torture of Hell, and it being the Proof of God’s Justice, does not hold water with me, EVEN THOUGH I am a moar conservative traditional person and PREFER a more traditional conservative religion.

So I started using muh God-given intellect: God is not telling me that I HAVE to mate with nonwhites. I can just opt out, and go the Single route, or wait until I can find a White Wife.

So Solly to all the Nonwhites out there! I still want to help you, I’ll still be NICE to you, but I just don’t want to have CHILDREN with you, kthx? And how many can honestly say you don’t feel the same way? How many blacks would PREFER to mate with whites over other blacks, for example? See what I mean??!!!

And I am a bit nervous because I start muh new job tomorrow. I plan on kissing A and sucking D and buying treats and snacks and food and saying yes sir and yes maam and I’m having a slow period here, what can I do for you maam, help me help the company, I am a Good Team Member, Please Help Me Help The Company. And wear muh new nice clothes and eventually buy even more nice new clothes.

Expect the first 3 months to be a pure living hell of abuse and stress as I get used to performing the job. Do nothing but come home and Cry and Wail and Sleep and Beg God for STrength and MErcy. Then after 3 months I will be more comfortable. Then if it STILL sucks, then muh plan is to Last One Year, otherwise it looks like I Give UP easily, I’ll look like a Quitter on muh resume and will never be hired anywhere ever again. UNEMPLOYABLE.

Then last a year, continue to Suck D, and try to get 3 written references from people.

HEh. Don’t quit until I have a new job lined up. Depending how awful and stressful it is, that will determine the size of the Pay Cut I’m willing to take just to get out of the job…..because it pays bretty well, better than expected, and I couldn’t see finding another job that pays that well.  (Not that it pays nearly as well as muh Successful Peerz from College!)

Okay. Had an interesting dream last night. I was at an actually fun party and I was totally Flirting and having some great Making-Out with a Cute Young Gurl. Maybe about 20 yo. She was a Big Girl, and I think I have a Giantess thing. Not Fat, just Big-Boned and Tall and Rubenesque and Voluptous, but not “Chubby” or anything. Just a good amount of Meat on the Bones. like a Valkyrie Farm Gurl or something. Meaty Thighs, nice round buttocks, plus she needed a decent amount of Meat for her Larger Frame. Long Legs, long everything, she was like at least 5’10” hehehe. So I was just grabbing her and making out with her and she was smiling and enjoying herself and making out with my smaller self.

She had thick flowing somewhat wavy Blond Hair and Clear Radiant Smooth Young Skin and a pretty face and was wearing Chunky Hipster Glasses for some reason.

She might have been a combination of at least two “Bigger” Young Blond Girls I have seen in the past few months.

She was very extraverted and everybody liked her but I also got the impression that she was at least slightly virtuous, did not wh0re it up, did not take a lot of D’s, was not a huge filthy deceptive liar. She would just have a few drinks at parties and talk to everyone and sing and dance and have fun, but not necessarily lie or take D’s. Also was not really what we would call a “Make Out Sl00t”. In other words, I had a chance to continue the fun after the party was done, and was not just a drunken “mistake” on her part.

So I was looking forward to that, plus she was a decent woman, and very cute, and could possibly start something meaningful with her.

So I was grateful to GOD for giving me a dream like that, rather than a Harrowing dream about Girl7 for example.

However I would have totally sinned against God by boning that Big Blong Dream Girl LONG and HARD. And it wouldn’t have been in a hateful or disposeable or disrespectful way. That is def a big part of the 20% of God’s POlicies I disagree with. Is 20% enough to condemn me to hell eternally? PROBABLY, especially in a more conservative traditional view.

My thing is, Sinful THOUGHTS might be way less worse than sinful ACTIONS. I get automatic sinful thoughts ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. I can’t stop them from happening. The best I can do is say, ooops, that’s a sinful thought, that is not from God, and I can say Get Behind Me Satanic Thought, and I am CERTAINLY not going to BELIEVE IT or ENJOY IT or TAKE ACTION on it.

Like all my racist thoughts for example. I don’t even have OCCASION to DO any racist actions. I would never do a Hate Crime or any sort of Violence. The only thing that would be a temptation: let’s say I was given the choice to promote a person, an unqualified white, and a super qualified nonwhite. I would be tempted to promote the white because he is my race. However, I wouldn’t FIRE the nonwhite. ALSO, WHEN AM I EVER GOING TO BE IN THAT POSITION TO MAKE THAT DECISION???? AND, What are the chances that those would be my ONLY two choices, between a vastly underqualified white, and a vastly overqualified nonwhite???

Or what about my lustful thoughts. I can think lustful thoughts all day as long as I don’t ACT on them by Jerking Off to Godawful Porn.

Now It would be different story if I were faced with the Actual Option of having S with a gurl like in muh dream, where I liked and wanted to have a Monog Rel with the gurl, but was also S’ually Attracted to her. Heh. That hasn’t happened in like 10 years. Not the type of decision you have to make EVERY DAY, like the Sinful Lustful thoughts that bombard you all day that eventually you just forget about them after your Testosterone Ramps Down past the halfway mark of the day.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING and GOOD NEWS

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, although it is really only nov 21 as I post this. and the actual stuff I’m posting was written like nov 18. heh. gotta start doing one a days again.

But be thankful for anything good in yer life. Although I realize many people go home to be with their Dysfunctional Families at this time.

If your family is really as Dysfunctional as you think they are, yep that sucks, that’s a travesty, and you shouldn’t even go home for Thanksgiving. Hopefully you have been able to Move Beyond them so you’re not a Total F00kup in life and can hold down a job and maybe meet a nice decent mate and not Continue The Cycle.

anyway here’s the old stuff.

monday nov 18

I shudder to think that The College Career Cult, esp for example Unemployable, No-Account, No-Skills, Shiftless, Lazy 40 year old Male Military Veterans who Are Incapable of Passing Interviews for Minimum wage, Part Time, Substitute Jobs so they must go back to College to get a Degree because they learned and demonstrated nothing in the military, and so now they must get a DEGREE at COLLEGE to be employable….. and of course I’m being facetious because IMHO the jobs just aren’t there. Anyway, COLLEGE has become nothing more than a DISTRACTION, a Time-Occupier, to keep people from noticing the Real Issues of No Jobs, or the fact that Colleges do not train enough for the Actual Jobs Out There. By, for example, shutting down the Humanities and Social Sciences departments altogether and only offering STEM degrees. Or by taking more than 25 people per year into their Physical Therapy program, for example. So Hire more Physical Therapy Instructors.

So COLLEGE has become a BREAD AND CIRCUS, only without the Entertainment and Fun value, AND you have to go into Debt SLAVERY to finance it, AND if you don’t Outperform 90% of people there, you will get nothing out of it but a time and money waster, Especially if you’re an Older Person who’s Old and Might have Health Care Needs.

WHADDYA MEAN you want a FULL TIME job? That’s for Rich Bourge College Kids! Prole College Kids should only expect to work several simultaneous Part Time jobs for the rest of their Pathetic Prole Lives!

Heh. My motto is, if it’s gonna be a bread a circus to occupy the minds of the masses, at least let them ENJOY it, like fat slobs eating junk food and playing vidya and jerking off all day. That’s a LOT cheaper than COLLEGE. Smoking W33d all day for years is cheaper than College!

SUCH a crap shoot. For example, I hear stories that Biology and Chemistry Majors Can’t Get Jobs, that those are the Worst STEM degrees to get. However I Do Know Two Guys who got Chemistry Degrees and Got Good Jobs with Just A Bachelors Degree. But they went to Elite Schools. Not sure what their Extracurricular Situation was like: Internships, Research, GPA, Networking. They just seemed like Average Nice Guys though. I didn’t hate them for being “Tryhards”. Also I think they got their Jobs before 2008. Also they weren’t Neet Virgins, I think they banged actual Young QT’s, hahahahahahahahaha. Like dem excuses mang??

* Well, what if the LORD has given you a SIGN that HE wants you to get a Sociology Degree? Well, I would advise you not to argue with the LORD. I am all for using signs from the Lord. But just be aware that the LORD has directly you to a very risky venture with that one, had he expects you to do A LOT of the heavy lifting yourself. It would have been better for The Lord to give you a sign to major in Medical Docker or Nurse Practicioner or Physician Assistant or Physical Therapy or Computer Engineering or Math or Mechanical Engineering or Electrical Engineering.

nov 19

had interview today with job. good lord that is a big deal, lots of gravitas. Full Time Job, making Twice the money I’m making now, working respectable hours, not being a total loser. Heh although as far as Full Time Jobs Go, this is the Bottom of the Barrel and not the type of thing you Brag about to people with Career Jobs. Nope, this is a Job Job. The Parking Lot was full of Beaters. WElcome to the Real World. No I’m not judging the people driving Beaters because that could easily be me. I’M NEXT.

real weird how one of my first thoughts on actually having a real shot at a Full Time Job is to immediately Disqualify and Disparage it: “OH WELL it might be a fulltime job but it’s a LOSER fulltime job, a job for LOSERS, CERTAINLY not up to par with people your AGE, or ESPECIALLY people you went to UNIVERSITY with, who are now all dockers or lawyers or professors or entrepreneurs or directors of Nobel-Prize Winning NOnprofits or got Grad Degrees from HARVARD or OXFORD, and even when they pick stupid careers like ARTIST or JOURNALIST, they’re FAMOUS and SUCCESSFUL in those jobs. Type of people who would QUIT a Good-Paying JOb just because it was “Too Corporate.” heh heh.

(It really did not help my current situation of being a loser who compares himself to others, that I went to a Successful Person Elite Univ, filled with Winners, and even the Losers were 9000000000000000000x bigger winners than I am. I am quite literally the biggest f00king loser to have ever come from that school. And people who went to “Loser Univs” are also way bigger winners than me, because they’re normalfags who get their work done, network, intern, get useful degrees, don’t worry about others, etc.)

Or like, OH GOD, I can’t update my LInkedIn with THIS, or NOPE I can’t get back on Facebook with THIS.

Or, Oh goody, now I can start not being a virgin because I have a Full Time Job, which is the bare minimum for Pulling Women, but the only Women I could pull with such a LOSER, Low-Status Job is Hambeast Single Momz, Sperm-Burping Gutter Slutz, Hideous Mastodonz, over 35 year olds, etc. Thigh-Arms, Totally Unattractive Women that you couldn’t get it up for, in other words.

And then also a decent amount of OH GOD There will be too much talking in this job, how will I be able to handle it. I want to last at least one year So it doesn’t look like a “SHORT HOP” or someone who Gives Up when the Going Gets Tough. Not sure what the minimum there is, but it’s at LEAST one year. If not Two.

But I would be making like twice the money per year as I am now, so really I’m Twice as big a loser with my current loser underjob, than I would be with this other job.

At any rate, look at that FLOOD of Automatic Negative Thoughts that barged in when something REALLY GOOD Happened. That is VERY telling, VERY educational. WATCH AND LEARN.

I wonder if I also got that huge flood of ANTs (credit Dr Amen) when I had good stuff going on in Muh Luv Life for 2 minutes 9000000000 years ago. That fear and dread that the sh1t is gonna hit the fan REAL soon.

ANYWAY. this whole process has been happening SUPER fast. It was only 8 days ago that I first APPLIED for the job after hearing about it through a Real Life Person, which is muh Guardian Angel telling me, “Do This.”

A simple Resume submit, then calls from Corporate HR, then an Online Personality Test and Skills Test (which was pretty crappy but I knew how to Work It, and then the recruiter said I did REALLY GOOD on it. One of those things where you Lie about your Personality, hahahahah. My trick there was to not go to the extreme, like , “I am MUCH BETTER at conflict resolution than other people my age”, but rather a little bit, like “I am SOMEWHAT better.”

annnnd at 506pm I just got a call from the HR person saying that I could have the job. Whoa.