nov 15 2014 saturday 709pm
done with day of work. no easy day. never an easy day! but now i am actually getting good or ok at muh job. so i have more confidence. but i still get nervous answering the phone. every. damn. time. so it’s challenging to get over that and think clearly and calmly and act quickly, like i need to do.
muh female fren said she might be able to hang out tonight so i am waiting for her to text me. of course about only 35% chance she actually will, so my expectations are managed. it is 712 and i wish she would text me sooner rather than later because i have had a long day and don’t like going out too late.
went for powerwalk just now, went for powerwalk yesterday, bought a little blinking light to clip to your clothes so you can be seen at night. i went outside and it really wasnt THAT dark and i ended up barely using it. good news is i am powerwalking again, which i need to do ERRY DAY so as not to become a huge fat4ss.
did not take valium yet. i will bring some valium if i go out to visit her and offer her some. ideally will smoke w33d and take valium and just hang out and cuddle and watch tv or movies and make out a little. or get rejected from any sweet cuddle or make out action.
i prepared the perfect text which tells all. i will never send it, but everything i need to say can be said in 5 texts:
” [event] made me realize how lucky i am to know you [name]. i wouldnt mind trying to become closer friends with you, if you would be willing to try that. it took me a long time to get to this point, but it finally happened. if it could happen to me, maybe it could happen to you too. i have to be honest and let you know soon though. I still think you are a great person! i think i just started to get feelings for you though. like a switch got flipped. thats why i’ve been acting so weird lately. it doesn’t seem like you feel the same way, but i hope you do at least a little bit, or are open to the possibility. not that i am crazy in love with you, haha! more like a small crush, or like liking. sorry to make things complicated, but i dont want to hide it from you.”
we had a decent texting session last night of Intimacy Building. Or maybe i’m just sealing my doom in the friendzone. because i’m too much of a faggy niceguy. i don’t even care, a faggy niceguy is what i am. i am just trying to act natural and be myself honestly and fook what the pickup artist faggots say. of course i’m not gonna lie and pretend like i don’t like her! and will try to show that thru the body language when i hang out with her! it’s just getting to the hangout that is taking a while. and we both work like working class stiffs that we are, working class work takes up all of your free time and all of your social life. you don’t have time for a social life.
but at least you’re not a scumbag parasite loser and can hold up your head high and say i am gainfully employed full time in a middle working class job!!!!!!! and i pay taxes!!!!!!
anyway i would prefer scheduling a definite time a few days in advance, rather than this maybe i’ll text you if i get done early stuff. it wouldn’t be so bad if i could hang out during the week at any night. which i could do if i had an easy job and could do it without sleep. but i dont and i cant.
anyway she stays up late but i dont stay up late. if she does want to hang out, she better text me before 9 pm hehehehe.
anyway there is only a 35% chance of me winning here.
but what if i do? i never have been winning with a grill before. will def be interesting blogging material. i will not give away any info about her. of course it will be all about me, as a nevergf who might get their first gf after age 30 hahahahaha. but i don’t want to jinx it.
but yeah i am fully invested in her, it’s gonna take a while to get over her, hahahaha. all the more reason to ACT NOW. ACT ASAP. get it over with. get it out of muh system. unpause the pause button.
i don’t really have any backup grills. i don’t know any other grills. theres a cute gurl at my job but i still like my female fren better, she is more ladylike and probably lower number. and i like her moar.
so if she rejects me, i can go back to liking zero gurls like i did not too long ago. that wasn’t so bad. i mean if i knew a lot of eligible gurls i might like more than zero or one gurls at the same time. when i was 21 and in college i liked THREE gurls at the same time, would have dated any of them, if they hadn’t ALL rejected me, hahahaha. since getting out of college, the number of Eligible Gurls has been reduced by 99.9%. it’s absolutely ridiculous how different college is from the Real World.
but i do prefer the Real World because it’s Real. i sometimes wish it had Moar Gurls though.