SUCCESS = (WEALTH^TOUGHNESS)+EDUCATION

feb 11

w000000t finally lost 40 pounds since i started using myfitnesspal in january 2016. honestly thats a pretty big deal. for a very short man who was not extremely overweight to begin with. if i can do it, anyone can. i mean i cant even function in life, but i can lose a ton of weight.

had to do some more errands today, saturday. got them done before 12 pm. yesterday took total of 1 valium and 2 benedryl and was kinda hoping to sleep until like 12pm at least, but still woke up at 930 am, but very groggy, but strangely couldnt get back to sleep. so got up in the groggy state. went and did errands.

now the next big goal of the day is to go to the FATCLUB for an HOUR at about 330 or 4. use treadmill for 1 hour. burn about 420 cals hehehe.

also got a 5 dollar faded glory shirt at walmart. it looks pretty good, way better than 5 dollars hahahahaha. was worried about walmart on a saturday, but it was somewhat eaerly in the day, and it was kinda busy, and full of blacks and arabs hahahahaha, but still not unbearable, and no waiting at the self-scan.

i am also very nice to the blacks and arabs that WORK there because i know they have the worst jobs next to being coal miners. but i have no mercy for the blacks and arabs who shop there hahahaha esp if they are being obnoxious. how can you be obnoxious when you are simply shopping at the store. dont ask me, ask them, they manage to pull it off. i just get in and get out. very tactical. everything is tactical with me hahahaha.

i would much rather do MJ than go to a damn bar or club to try to meet slutty women. or even just meet new people in general hahahaha. now that second part is a Problem. i should want to meet possibly decent people MORE than i want to do MJ. but meeting new people is inherently stressful and not fun for us anxious types. to make normal nonawkward conversation with strangers is very very difficult and counterproductive. you just end up looking like an unlikable weirdo. of COURSE sitting at home, doing tons of MJ, and listening to music and playing cards is preferable to that.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/9413-betsy-devos-hitler-in-female-form/page__st__80#entry329805

new mpc thread on betsy devos and education and strivers and kollige hehehehe and the shitty striver managerial class

of course muh swpl colleagues are horrified by devos because shes been picked by the orange cheeto misogynist racist trumpanzee, and “school choice” is just a “dogwhistle” for keeping black kids out of your white schools. give school choice to the hwyte racist kids and give no choice to the poor blacks, keeping them trapped in a cycle of Generational, Institutional Poverty and Powerlessness.

https://www.city-journal.org/html/no-thug-left-behind-14951.html

article referenced in same good thread. (CJ is a decent right wing journal where halfway decent joo (((theodore dalrymple))) did/does a lot of writing) gangs of black thugs roaming the halls of suburban schools for free lunch and internet, and starting huge 50 person melee brawls, while diversity consultants are brought in to train everyone from bus drivers on up as to why diversity is awesome and that you as a hwyte have tons of built in prejudice and privilege.

good news is i went to the fatclub, on hamster wheel for 65 minutes. bad news is now i feel very Gassy and it is rather uncomfortable and cant seem to expel it effectively. still the pros outweigh the cons hahahaha.

well it is gradually coming out thank GOD hahaha.

completely unrelated but a great video from the great weev on why anime and japs are not honorary 4ry4ns. i myself would extend this sentiment to beta phaggots who think asian women are better than “western” women. and i am sure weev would agree. weev is one of muh favorite people and favorite Thinkers. i would luv to meet weev one day but i would settle for a conversation with him which i would of course want to record and share with the world. also nice shot against albanians too hahahahahaha.

YEAH the message is always more important than the messenger…..but the messenger is important TOO. and weev is a very important, very valuable and awesome messenger, and yeah i have some hero worship and fandom for him.

so i will continue to donate to weev and have trust and faith in him. if he had a joo wife…..i think he would be forthcoming about it. i dont think he would ever have a joo wife. he’s probably fooked joo sluts, but thats fine. he’s NOT gonna fall in luv or get married to a joo, he has a god damn huge NOT WELCOME tattoo on his chest!

and theres so many people who claim he IS a joo and or a plant or spy or fed. i mean i guess its possible. i would be very disappointed if that were the case hehehe.

yeah gambling is degenerate but i had a good hand here:

2017-02-11-19_09_15-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-14623748

he could have easily beat me with an A. i knew this all too well, it’s happened many times before. but he’s also going nearly all in preflop with AQ unsuited. and here i was worried he had AA hahaha. and thank GOD he didnt get an A in the cards.

heh. i am gonna start listening to all podcasts etc at 1.25 speed hehehehe. really saves time hehehe.

watching 90s SNL, and really bringing back the nostalgia here. when i was a young 12 year old or so and actually watched SNL and thought it was so edgy and funny. well to be fair, when i first discovered SNL, it was mid 90s classic cast: mike myers, dana carvey, phil hartman, adam sandler, chris farley, all those guys. dennis miller, jon lovitz, julia sweeney, kevin nealon, the horrible joo al franken as the fun character stuart smalley. he belongs in the oven but that was a great character. even though he was prob mocking goys. i still like stuart as a character. totally relate.

now the 90s were a terrible nihilistic time…….but so are the 10’s hahahahaha. things seemed nicer and more innocent watching this. i guess it really wasnt. but SNL wasnt as shitty and horrible as it is now.

feb 12

track/tier education sounds good, but wasnt i already a product of that? i was sorted into the top tier, and lets just assume low, medium, and high for simplicity here. i was sorted into the high based on muh high performance in high school, and, tbh, middle school.

but then you can very legitly divide that top tier into 3 tiers. based on where you’re from. flyover middle america trump voting hwytes, lower middle class, working class, even the high achieving kids aren’t gonna get into that top tenth of harvard, ivy league, top univs, top careers in NYC or DC.

HOWEVER, you can still go to State College and become VERY successful in your flyover city as an engineer, accountant, top manager, maybe medical, maybe lawyer.

in other words i think i went to TOO elite of a uni, which gave me a peek into the world of an elite i didnt even know existed. east coast people who want to go to grad school at harvard, in other words. people who work at high, visible levels and get their names in big media outlets. i have seen muh old uni classmates names in the joo york times, i regularly see this one guys name because he is a Full Time Journalist with a pretty big east coast shitlib magazine and writes anti-trump and antihwyte editorials every day. of COURSHE he is a J and I never really knew him, but he was an acquaintance of a friend. I probably saw him at a party.

I wouldnt get this at a less elite uni, wouldnt get this peek, and sometimes i wish i hadnt gotten that peek, and lived in a simpler world, surrounded by people who just wanted to get normie middle class jobs in flyover city, not peopel who wanted to Shape National Discourse in NY and DC.  it was thoroughly confusing and disorienting for a basic hwyte flyover boy in lower middle class who vaguely wanted to strive his way into the regular middle class.

for me i think it would have been better to be a big fish in a small pond, in other words. would have boosted muh confidence which would ahve boosted my performance, when it really mattered.

in other words, gone to a uni which was more like my high school.

there was a great idea in that MPC education thread (srsly read the whole thing) where education Professionals believe  that attainment = home life + education. but that is naive, and its really like attainment = home * education. and home life can be broken down further into (emotional stability) * (parental investment/competence.)

and some would further argue that its (emotional stability)^(parental investment). or maybe the other way around hahahaha. point is, exponential rather than straight multiplication.

of course thats where my ears perk up. because i had GREAT parental support, great upbringing, great family, BUT I was highly emotionally unstable. emo unstable, AND great family, AND great education, and I still turned out a HUGE failure, moreso than people from worse families, who went to worse schools.

so in my mind, personal emo stability, aka normieness, aka the opposite of neet loser neuroticism, is THE single most important thing. so does that mean its the base number or the exponent in an exponential number hahahaha. like 2^60000000000, or 6000000000^2.  i think the former would be bigger. i think hahahaha. YEP its the exponent is much more significant. just compare 2^100 vs 100^2. no question about it.

moral of the story: i should have started going to a shrink when i was like 12 or 13. not 18 (which i didnt, but that would have been a better time), and not….25 or so when i actually did. by then too much fookin damage had already been done, when you should be establishing the course of your life.

so i might never have a wife and children, but i damn sure want to help other hwytes secure the existence of THEIR children.

i want ALL kids to succeed. black kids, white kids, arab kids, brown kids. i am a total white knight for KIDS. they are innocent.

but i ESPECIALLY want HWYTE kids to succeed, and it ESPECIALLY triggers me when they DONT succeed, and those are the people I want to help.

” well whites have white privilege so if they cant succeed despite that, thats definitely on them, they have to be irredeemably fooked up, they are BEYOND help, besides, you shouldnt want to help them, you should WANT to end white privilege and help create EQUALITY for ALL kids. either push whites down, and or bring nonwhite kids UP. ”

is the mentality of EVERYONE in education. well, 99% hehehe.

in that city journal article, there was a great comment, if you can’t do, teach. (i knew that one for years.) if you can’t teach, ADMINISTRATE. i LOL’ed IRL at that one. esp since i recently had a thought that maybe i should think about getting a masters degree in education administration hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

hey shit maybe i would be perfect, because i cant do AND i cant teach hahahaha.

well i think i sorta COULD teach, but i dont want to be in these marxist environments. which would be even worse at the admin level, because your job is to CREATE these marxist environments!!!!!!! fook that!!!!!!

but yeah charter schools. devos. school choice. i wanted to get more informed on all this. because all the cool kids hate devos, hate school choice, hate vouchers, hate charters, because all this is “RACIST.”

so i expected MPC to be all about vouchers and charters but they kind of arent. they are more about getting rid of the DOE altogether and getting rid of things that make schools nonwhite. and establishing a better track/tier system in the schools. uhhhh cant say i disagree with these things either!

someone made the interesting claim that the biggest fans of vouchers are “talented tenth” blacks who have the agency to strive for better and move out of the hood, and also…. lower class whites who want to strive for something better, and they cant afford to live in neighborhoods with hwyte schools, and they cant afford the best private schools, and they sure as hell dont want to put their kids in their local nonwhite infested public schools.

really i think homeschooling is a great solution, and i think MPC would agree with me here…..but its VERY hard for working class people to do this, to survive without the dual income! to have the mother stay home and homeschool the kids!

hehehe also note how shitlibs think homeschooling is the worst thing ever, and is just a DOGWHISTLE for racist fundamentalist christian hwyte parents to BRAINWASH their kids and turn them into little hateful bigots just like them.

watching “driving miss daisy” in the background, seems like a decent movie (i saw it many years ago) but I had no idea that they were JOOISH! ie, miss daisy and dan aykroyd are JOOISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! going to TEMPLE!!!!

i had no idea! i just figured they were supposed to be White Racist Plutocrat Superrich in the prime of ill-gotten Hwyte Privilege from the LEgacy of Slavery in the South. this totally adds an element to the story i was NOT prepared for, PLUS its COMPLETELY unbelievable to even THINK of jessica tandy and dan aykroyd as JOOS, because they are CLEARLY NOT.

i dont even know whos jooing who anymore hahahahaha.

damn i dont remember this movie at ALL. like the jooish aspect is pretty in your face, not a minor thing.

also she is a TEACHER who thinks she is smarter than everyone. INTERESTING. ok what did her husband do to make them so filthy rich. theres a factory there, maybe a clothing or a peach factory hahahaha. lets find out

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driving_Miss_Daisy

damn this is inconclusive. doesnt say what the husband did to make them so god damn top 1% rich. implies that miss daisy doesnt understand she is a Persecuted Oppressed Minority Victim until the temple is bombed during the Civil Rights movement, probably by KKK terrists hahahaha. i would think that joos have this identity of themselves being jooish from a very young age. i mean the film starts in the 50s but people were already aware of MUH SHOAH by that time.

le sigh. whats better. a movie showing joos act like racist hwyte assholes, or a movie showing hwytes act like racist hwyte assholes.

so whats the point? they act hwyte but ebil hwyte racists dont think they are hwyte???? but really joos are basically hwyte? except when they want to be nonwhite??????

obviously touches on a few of my fav themes. hehehe. i should be watching it with great attention, but dont really want to. would rather be ranting on muh blog.

ok, but there are plenty of upper class (many jooish) kids who are BATSHIT INSANE, borderline and bipolar, and they still become successful, complete graduate degrees at top schools. or at the very least, get ok jobs through their families connections. or go to vacationlike inpatient programs is more like it hahahahaha.

like what about rich kids that get totally fooked up on DRUGS, so fooked up they can’t complete a masters degree hahahaha.

in other words, i am as fooked up as the most fooked up jooish rich kid, and they can still become successful because of their rich background. my background was pretty damn good, prob above average, but it certainly wasnt Rich Upper Class!!!!!!! but it was still Pretty Damn Good!!!!!! but we DEF didn’t have a lot of Family Connections that could get me a 28k job somewhere for the Fooked Up Black Sheep Son who was too mental and neurotic and lazy to handle Grad School hahahahahaha.

so really maybe its success = (normieness^Wealth)*(education)

in other words, my fam was well off but not rich. maybe if they had been RICH, it would have been enough to outweigh my CONSIDERABLE neuroticism.

cuz you know , 2^3 vs 3^2, it’s really not a big difference, and hard to tell which is the exponent and which is the base hehehehe.

and i am WAY more neurotic than muh fam is “wealthy.”

but your family being rich, thats NURTURE, while you being crazy is NATURE. so im saying that NURTURE is stronger than NATURE. which is a pretty SHITLIB, MARXIST, JOOISH thing to think!!!!!!!

so yeah i wouldnt mind studying Rich Kids who became Failures. but they always had a safety net. my fam was not RICH, but they were rich enough for a safety net. which i guess IS pretty rich. privileged hehehehehe.

but whats even more privileged is being able to call someone and get your fookup loser son a job, and my fam was well off enough to give a safety net, but they didnt have that kind of “SOCIAL CAPITAL” at all.

guy on MPC thread on elizabeth warren says that its FALSE that medical bills are the #1 cause of bankruptcy. and that any bankruptcy attorney knows this. which supposedly warren IS or was. heh. so whats with this stuff ive heard from “bankruptcy experts” on what the number one cause of bankruptcy is? if you cant trust the experts on a very big thing they SHOULD know……who can you trust? you cant trust doctors who spent 6000000 dollars to go to medical school? can you trust your wife? your family?  well thankfully i could trust my fam to have good intentions at least, not to mention a safety net, which a lot of people dont have!

i mean there ARE real experts in the world, who DO know more than laymen!!!!

they says its good to be skeptical and question authority, but what if you think all authority is full of shit, lying to you, scamming you? i just dont want to be that paranoid, its really not fun. i like to think SOME people know what they are talking about, and can actually TEACH me something.

heh. i trust the guys on MPC to be fairly smart and wise on many things. probably TRS too but im still taking a temporary break from them, i am pretty much over the thing there. and i am not longer really disappointed with mike. we cant all be like weev and be fully redpilled before we get married. in fact if you marry young, chances are you wont be redpilled. and its better to marry young. except sometimes you might marry a J hahahaha. thing is, i think they were both over 30 though. they werent 20 year old kids getting married.

normieness = TOUGHNESS.

 

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CASUAL SECS, CASUAL RELS, CASUAL SOCIOPATHS

oct 10 2016

sheeeeeeit

the pure raw hatefulness of pre 2005 darkthrone is good for job search type stuff.

of COURSE she found it easy to replace and forget about me: she had a JOB, she had MJ, and she had a Selection of Secs Options.

here is why Women Perpetuate a Culture of DEATH and have No Respect for Human Life:

  1. They dont understand that sex creates human life and they do it QUICKLY, with any strongman negro thug
  2. If they accidentally create a new human life, they just murder it with no remorse
  3. They end (and begin) relships at the drop of a hat and quickly forget about people they have known for years. Strong feelings can disappear in a matter of days or weeks.

they are SOCIOPATHS!

yeah but isnt kali the god of both creation AND destruction? i guess that puts things in perspective. that just as much as women are the creators of human life, they are equally the DESTROYERS of it!

And its MENS job to keep them OUT of Destruction mode, by keeping them IN creation mode as much as possible!

kali, or shiva, i dont know, i dont care.

YUGE interview tomorrow, biggest one in a more than a month. bank IT job. mainframes. i should be preparing better. but i already prepared for the phone interview last week. now i just want to complain about how horrible women and interviews and jobs are.

i guess trump did ok in the second debate? i mean its not like im gonna vote for hillary. and sensible women will say, oh trump is a Creep and Woman Hater…..but he’s still a way better choice than hillary!!! and then “hold their nose” and vote for trump.

so yeah i dont get these undecided voters.

in fact really i am gonna be STUCK voting republican the rest of muh life even if they only put up weaker and weaker cuckolds.  because at the end of the day, repub will always be closer to muh WHITE MALE demographic than the dems ever will be. i mean i just dont see a pro-white-male dem candidate as being even POSSIBLE ever.

i mean the dems are ALWAYS gonna be pandering too much to nonwhites and degens for me to ever support them! they only thing they possibly have going is that they are the party of the “regular working normie” which is FALSE anyway!

but basically i will vote for the candidate that is BETTER FOR WHITES. period. single issue voter hahahaha.

and i am sure that most times that choice will be extremely obvious.

and sometimes even the one who is better for whites wont necessarily be GREAT for whites. again. lesser of two evils. LEAST WORST.

 

guy asks for advice on how to dump his GF in a nice way because he doesnt want to DEVASTATE her because he doesnt hate her, shes a nice person, he just doesnt want to be in the rel anymore. what a moral guy hahahahaha.

welp managed to do baby steps of 10 pushups and 2 job apps. i mean i feel like i did 80% of my prep work for this interview, when i did the phone interview with them last week.

you DO get a chip on your shoulder and an inferiority complex like youre not good enough, and you always have to PROVE yourself, when you do 23 job interviews and nothing. at this point, the rejection has continued OVER THE LONG TERM, and that changes you. you get used to being rejected, although of course you dont WANT to be, and you probably get slowly better at Selling yourself. but its still never good Enough, and you still expect to be rejected for months and months longer. while women are out there making MONEY. and you cant convince people that you are worth a job to make your own money.

and fenriz the party animal can work at the norwegian post office for 25 years in a Career, non-PSE job, probably has a MF day shift, probably no split shift, probably doesnt have supervisors shitting on him all day. and he has time and energy to enjoy 500 albums a year and write and record darkthrone and I think he has a GF too who isnt dumping him because hes so insecure and weak. and he continues to drink beer at 44 years of age. and has a beautiful full head of hair. shit he probably smokes MJ too hahahahahahaha.

so, 153 hours of “work” times 12 dollars an hour is 1836 dollars worth of “work” i have done on job search. i am measuring all this time as closely as possible and trying to put a 12 dollar an hour value on it.

back in the day i used to “joke” that I Will Bribe You Ten Thousand Dollars To Give Me A Job.

i guess i was being too generous. really I was ripping myself off. I should go no higher than Three Thousand.

shit i would take out a loan even. with like 5% interest hahahahaha. is that high or low. yearly. 5% yearly not monthly hahahahahahaha.

but yeah i wish i had done a lot more than 153 hours of actual Work during this time hahahaha. that is less than One Month of Full Time Work.  during like god damn 15 months. hehehehehe.

10 hours a month. good job neet loser hahahaha.

welp. applied for 3 jobs today. 10 pushups. might do 10 more because i at a HUGE dinner of a delicious steak and cheese sammich and fries. gr8 1200 calories right there m8.

i could never destroy or throw away a human life as casually as women can.

casual sex, casual life destruction. casual murder. casual abandonment. what does it matter. its just a human life. its cheap, disposable, easily forgotten, easily replaced again and again. this is how women feel about Human Life hahahahahahaha.

well if THATS what i think Women Think, NO WONDER I hate women!!!!!!!!!

when really its just not  true. there is SEVERE Cognitive Distortion going on here!!!!!!

so i am hating women based on Faulty, Flawed Logic!

kinda for the wrong reasons.

my logic is not logical, AND my conclusions that stem from that logic are incorrect!

therefore, all women are not cold hearted sociopaths, and probably NOT EVEN HALF are!

and her, she wasnt even being sociopathic, so why am i saying all women are? she was just being cowardly and immature and emotional, which most women ARE, and i guess you can mistake the consequences of this for socipathy.

heh. so the end result is the same as sociopathy, AND most women ARE like that hahaha. so they MIGHT AS WELL BE sociopaths.

yeah, but they dont MEAN to be!

and that makes all the difference in the world hahahaha. when your heart is slaughtered either way.

so theyre doing all the damage of a sociopath, but they dont have sociopathic INTENT. so again, wtf DIFFERENCE does INTENT make here?

ok the….well…..NOT ALL WOMEN will act in a way that could be CONFUSED for sociopathy hehehe. im just feeling burned by my most recent and most powerful experience. just fallout. i said it was gonna take at least 2 years to get over! and this is just all part of the process! TRUST THE PROCESS!!!!!!

interview tomorrow. i guess if i had two, even one interview every week, i might get used to it so that i could be DESENSITIZED rather than FLOODED, so that i could actually IMPROVE rather than losing whatever small gains ive made by the next interview. when i need to make gains and KEEP THEM in order to be GOOD enough to do good enough in the interview to get the job.

so FIVE states are gonna be voting on legal MJ in 2016. cali, ariz, mass, florida?? no not florida, but maine and nevada.  they are saying cali and nevada and maine are the best chances here.

i mean shit. i guess i will stop talking about that cuz i dont want to dox myself.

but i keep forgetting they have legal weed in oregon and DC.

but can you go into a retail store in DC and buy it?

i thought there was some ridic rule where you couldnt BUY or SELL it , but you could GIVE it away and accept DNATIONS.

read some articles, really sounds like legal weed in DC just SUCKS, they have dispensaries, but you have to have a medical card to buy from them. i GUESS you could pester the medical card people to buy some, then “GIVE” it to you.

lesson: just go to colorado, oregon, wash, or maybe cali or nev in 2017.

 

hahahaha they think this might be “crusader girl” not sure if it is, but i dont know any other 17f’s making pro-white videos.

oct 11.

i have a BIG INTERVIEW coming up in 3 hours and i am not even worried, which is tech good, but i am not even preparing, which is bad. its like i dont want the job hahahahaha.

i mean i never had the FIGHTING spirit, and i am USED to rejection, and not getting my hopes up, etc.

just so obsessed with women and rels i cant even think about the things that MATTER, like living my life!!!!!

last night i was of course thinking about Grabbing All Women By The Pvssy (hahahahahaha) no jk, but i was thinking, yes, INTENT DOES matter, because it means women arent SOCIOPATHS, they’re just weak and cowardly. but they arent SUPPOSED to be brave and courageous and mature, thats MENS job!!!!!!!!

but yeah intent IS important even if the results are shitty, because it means they arent shitty horrible people deep down. and THAT matters.

anyway. i gotta be careful with writing in this so much. sometimes its good, but sometimes its bad. it goes both ways. meaning, sometimes it helps me, but sometimes it hurts me. it harms me when i am saying all sorts of bad shit about women and getting into a Negative Thought Spiral hehehehe. Downward Spiral of despair and Hate and Shame and Guilt and Despair and Giving Up and pessimism and low energy hehehehe. that is very bad.

honestly i was having a ton of fun just DAYDREAMING about smoking MJ. like finding cheapest flight to denver, finding cheapest air bnb type place, buying an ounce of MJ, and just spend 7 to 10 days getting ridic blazed all day and exploring the area, mountains, etc, maybe go visit foreveralone george mcfeels hahahaha and record a few conversations with him.  and be like man, you live here, get yourself some of this stuff maaaaannnnnnnnnn.

or oregon or washington, whatever is the best deal.

then i thought, well, what if the next state closest to me legalizes MJ before my state does, would i be willing to drive to that state, buy a ton of MJ, then drive it back across state lines illegally heheheheheh i would be totes paranoid there would be cops looking for that type of thing.

but really i think using my mental energy to think about MJ is better than thinking about WOMEN, or DESPAIR, or THAT WOMAN, or how I am a huge failure neet loser who will never become anything. Daydreaming about MJ is more positive than ANY of that.

in fact I never do any “daydreaming” at all. this thinking about MJ is the closest I get to it. What I do when i think about women is not really positive enough to be called “daydreaming”, its more obsessing and ruminating and shit. its just back and forth and if i get conclusions they are not good conclusions. visualizing me smokin spliffs in the mountains is a LOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT more pleasant.

that arguing in my mind all the ways women are horrible but its not their fault because either nature designed them this way for a Reproductive Reason, or the J’s brainwashed them to ruin them.

maybe i am not getting hired because i am not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahahaha. when i got the suit there was a matching vest that i probably should have got because its basically the only chance to get a matching vest.

and having a vest can sometimes look very classy.

but honestly do you REALLY think it ALWAYS makes you look better in interviews?

powerful ceos and trump on tv debates, hes never wearing a vest. just a normal suit. and he doesnt look like an unhirable slob just because hes not wearing a VEST with his suit!!!!!!!!!!

so yeah i think this is faulty logic, that im not getting hired because im not wearing a VEST with my suit hahahahaha. besides it looks kind of ODD. like its a real weirdo autist wearing a vest. kind of like a bow tie, but much less phaggy and gay. phaggy yuppie hipster young urban professional SWPLs actually do wear bow ties with their Problem Glasses and Arm Tattoos to their Cool Corporate jobs.

if you move your hands and arms around alot when you talk, that makes you look less rigid and more normie. unless you go totally overboard with it. which i could see an autist doing. overcompensating. thrashing his arms around like a helicopter. that is just as bad.

sheeeeeit i might be OK with never having children as long as I made 30k a year in a job that didnt drive me crazy, and i could smoke MJ, and maybe bang the occasional young slut. bang a slut once every 2 months, how about that. i will continue to SUPPORT white families and white children, but why the hell should i have them myself if i dont have the money to raise them, and i cant get a woman worth having them with?

yes, it WOULD BE NICE to have children, but would it be the END OF THE WORLD if i didnt???

but in the absence of wife and children, i WOULD like to have good looking (7/10, under 30) sluts to bang on the reg.

but its kinda degenerate life eh, banging sluts and smoking MJ with no wife and children when you are 40, 50 years old?

yes it is. but i would accept that and find other ways to support the whites who DO have children. donate money and time to the survival and growth of My Race. and not tell my other racial warriors about my MJ habit hahahahaha.

see unlike technical J aaron clarey, i wouldnt be ENCOURAGING or BRAGGING about the hedonistic enjoy the decline poolside childless lifestyle. I’d say, this is NOT ideal, but I have come to accept my fate. so i will enjoy my life and also try to encourage a BETTER life among other whites. ie having children.  maybe i could have Foster Children hahahahahahahahahaha.

well, those cost MONEY too. and if youre going to spend a LOT of money on children like that, they SHOULD be your own.

basically, the amount of money I’d be giving to the Cause would NOT be enough to actually raise a white child with, becuase i wouldnt be MAKING that much money to begin with. i would make enough to support myself, muh degen MJ habit, muh little home in whitopia, and regular dnations to the white race, and thats about it. 30k a year. cant raise a family on that. not even on 40k a year.

yep this place is only 3.6 miles away, 9 minute drive, insanely close.

got the dress suit on now, yeah this shirt is too big. that is killing me more than not having a VEST is killing me.

great sense of judgment hahahaha. oh i can make decisions quickly and decisively. they just wont be the RIGHT decisions. this is why i am normally so indecisive hahahaha and have to PRETEND to be decisive.

welp had my big interview. it was ok. lasted 45 minutes to an hour. talked to a woman. she was ok. i mean they arent in ATTACK mode like a presidential debate. they arent looking to CRUCIFY you.

i did about the same as i always do. average. ok. was nervous and spaghetti spilling. i just start rambling like an autist cuz i figure its better than freezing. i mean i am just looking to make 14 dollars an hour like eveyrbody else. yeah well this job pays like like 20, 21 dollars an hour. DAMN.

i mean its good that i get interviewed for such high paying jobs! KIND of a confidence builder! but i feel I am only WORTH 12 to 16 dollars hehehehe.

well there is a second interview, with the CIO. we will see if i get invited to that. probably not hahahahahahaha.

well i survived through another interview at least.

also. i was watching that uppity negro trevor noah on the daily show, to get All Sides in these turbulent times, and hes making stupid jokes regarding trump being a bad man for touching women without their consent, this is literally raep, etc., its not JUST vulgar language but abusive actions.

ok lets say trump DID reach out and grab a woman by the Pvssy. and say that woman said ew STAHP you BAD MAN and slapped him and pushed him away. what do you think he would do?

he would back off and say oh ok, i see how it is maam. whatever you say. do you honestly think he would force himself on the woman?

BESIDES, the woman would be more likely to LIKE it and to accept his advances anyway. but if she said STAHP and pushed him away, i am CERTAIN trump would Respect Her Consent hahahahahahaha.

just like ANY man who engages in such Locker Room Talk.  I mean i say much worse things about women but i have never grabbed a woman like that, and if some woman told me to STAHP I would defintely STAHP. to a damn fault.

i am glad he has been able to get over this (well at least in my view hahahaha), it shows what a non issue it is. however if he were caught on tape using N bombs, that would truly be the end. and that would suck.

see its kinda like how most women have Raep Fantasies but they dont want to be Really Literally Technically Raeped, just rough secs with a handsome ravishing man. So why cant MEN have their own side of that “Raep Fantasy” where they like playing the role of that Ravishing Man who reaches out and grabs women by the Pvssy? it doesnt mean he’s going to or even WANTS to Literally Raep the woman!!!!!!!!! you fookin hypocrite liars!!!!!

liek none of you shitlib males ever did anything Shady With Women!!!!!!!!!

besides you wantt o talk about shady, look at these women racking up 5 new secs partners a month on tinder. as if you cant even get preggers from secs.

people acting so HORRIFIED. clutching their pearls. like they dont have NOODS on some dudes phone they dont even know, sucking dicks of guys whos names they dont even know.

well MAYBE i could make enough money to have ONE child, wouldnt that be ok? i mean yeah ideally i would have 3 or more, but i def wont ever make THAT much money. but it is a lot more conceivable that MAYBE one day i could make enough money to have ONE child. (of course i might never make enough money to even get married.)

and again i dont want to have children with somebody i am not totally in luv with. like i was with that woman. so finding a woman i luv naturally leads me to really start thinking about children. with this woman. not some random tinder slut.

and i would probably be okay with just banging tinder sluts from here till eternity, provided i had the basics of a survivable job, maybe muh own place, and a regular supply of MJ hahahahaha. i just cant get over that folks. i have to accept it. i dont WANT to quit MJ. says a guy who has smoked MJ 2 days out of the last 400 days or so. yet I THINK about it EVERY day. even though i NEVER smoke it. though i WANT to. EVERY day.

youd THINK i smoke it every day. but like i said. only 2 days out of the last 400 or 420 (hehehehehe) when i was on my little labor day meetup with the old friends.

but yeah MJ is the solution to all problems. it takes the edge off foreveralone, and heartbreak, and also on stressfull jobs where you feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown every day hahahaha. you cant go home and get drunk, but you sure as hell can get blazed every day, and it works pretty well!!!!!!!!

i mean I cant get drunk. plenty of people do though. i mean i dont know if I will ever be “OK” to drink again. and i am fine with never drinking again, but i am totally not fine with never having MJ again!!!!!!!!

another word for BEEF CURTAINS is MEAT DRAPES hahahahahahahahahaha.

maybe i need to find some alt right people who are tolerant of the degeneracy of MJ hahahha. pro-MJ alt righters hahahahahaha. theres got to be a few.

well thing is, i understand and agree with the standard alt right opinion that MJ is degen. i just refuse to give up that degeneracy. i think i know better. just keep it secret and dont tell my internet buddies who i dont even talk to hahahahah.

well one of my Personal Goals is to actually Physically Meet Up in Real Life with Alt Right, TRS, Daily Stormer people. Pro White, Right Wing, White Men.

i dont know what to tell you. yeah i could have been more electrifying today. hey you should have seen me when i was 18. i was a lot more charming. my shy boyish charm was endearing. now its just considered sad at best, creepy and weird at worst.

but yeah it sucks not being able to deal with life!

 

this guy talks like a phag and hes too successful and normie, but great example of blaming himself when his ex was really just a piece of cheating trash, and he blames himself that he was the bad guy and he made her cheat cuz he was too jealous, and he is still hung up on the woman.

 

oct 12

interesting incident last night at social game at pub, table of 5 men incl me and 1 youngish woman, gf of one of the guys. another one of the guys is “on the outs” due to general, prolonged drunken, annoying behavior and general cluelessness, bad fit, obnoxiousness. i tolerate him the best and just tune him out, plus i am not terribly offended by his jokes, plus i am closer to him politically than some of the leftist men.

we have been avoiding a difficult confrontation to dump him from the group. i am fairly content to just tune him out. plus i have more understanding and sympathy for him i guess. doesnt mean i want to defend him too strongly, because he should just pick up on the social cues, but that is not his strong suit, plus the drinking doesnt help.

some men make off color jokes and Locker Room Banter about women that Women can join in……while other men’s Locker Room Banter has a more anti-woman, mean, bitter edge to it. you can tell. stuff that makes women uncomfortable and sounds “Creepy” or “rapey” or “sketchy”, vs it doesnt. of course its way too easy to make women uncomfortable.

basically i see myself in the guy, we are both woman haters, and i totally understand and sympathize with woman haters. i know where it comes from and this is their way of Acting Out against the women who have hurt them or broken their heart in the past.

at the same time, i agree that women are entitled to be upset, offended,angry, creeped out by these types of remarks. they have less discernment in being able to tell is this man a violent abuser or raper, because really rapers and abusers say the same type of mean stuff (and maybe some of them dont!)

BUT I dont believe saying these type of Mean, Bitter things is a Slippery Slope AT ALL to eventually BECOMING a violent abuser. I could never live with myself if i actually abused a woman! I have no desire. I mean there is no chance it would ever happen. And I think this guy is the same way.

at the same time, i have a filter, i know what is appropriate to say, i KNOW my sense of bitterness is not very acceptable, so i keep it private, and if I were making Locker Room Banter about Pvssys, its gonna be more socially-accepted banter, with very good faith effort to hold back “i hate all women because they are stupid whores who deserve only to be brood mare slaves” type remarks.  even when i got sloppy drunk i dont think i said stuff like that. of course back then i was still a feminist hahahahahahahahahahahaha and total white knight.

well, i still kinda AM a white knight too! but def no longer a feminist.

anyway i can see how this woman is rightfully upset about this sloppy drunk guy making remarks to waitresses about Eating Pvssy or whatever. I think this guy likes to push the line with women directly in that way. tries to make women angry, so he can step back and be like whoa whoa whoa im just kidding sweetie, dont be so sensitive!

anyway the big diff here is, he pushed this womans buttons, and this woman unleashed on him, directly told him “NOT OK”, and also made direct reference to his Drinking and Sloppy Drunkenness and that the other guys just put up with you and are too nice to say anything (which is more or less true).

OF COURSHE he is a Conservative Trump Supporter who has dropped N-Bombs hahahahahaha. So the Leftist Element of our group views him as a Vile, Deplorable Racist, Sexist, Misogynist, Evil White Man. And I really should stand up for him on that front, and say you can be a good racist and sexist without being a Sloppy Obnoxious Annoying Mess!

i mean basically he says a lot of stuff ranging from groanworthy to downright cringeworthy. and of course cringeworthy can be seen by women and womencucks (hahahahahaha) as problematic, Hateful, Not Ok, oppressive, cis white male privilege, abusive, CREEPY, rapey, weird, uncomfortable, triggering, etc etc etc.

i mean basically i think if he’s gonna use borderline weirdish locker room talk around women, he has to be prepared for the confrontation by women. i think he might like it on some level. and see i dont do this whatsoever. i am so good with my filter that its not even a risk. also i dont really WANT to be a woman hater, but I’ve pretty much accepted it as something that im just too old to change, plus for me, its EASY to use my filter and blend in. even if i am tired or stressed or scared hahahaha. plus my personal style is very different. i am very cool and cold and dont rock the boat, and polite and uncontroversial, go along to get along, cant we all just get along, minnesota nice, cool as a cucumber, dont say anything that might be offensive to anyone. dont offend anyone.

and very few things can offend me. the “hateful” things this guy says dont offend me because i totally understand him. if i knew he actually beat or raeped women i would feel differently and be more against him. but i really dont think he does or has!

i dont like to push peoples buttons because i know its not gonna do anything productive. theres really no point. its a lose for me. there is no benefit or incentive for me. why do it.

it really is amazing that i have such a good filter, because basically all my thoughts are socially inappropriate. i mean how is the mask not slipping. how is there no chinks in the armour. but theres really not. the only chinks are, well, he’s a pretty quiet guy, and i have never really heard of him Dating A Wimmin, but he seems pretty nice. probably just a Shy Guy who doesnt have a lot of Confidence with Wimmin.

which is very very true! i mean that is accurate as fook!

and really i know Not All Women are like that. honestly when i get out in public and see normie women, i dont feel hate or disgust even though they might do disgusting things. and i care about that impacting the white race, but i am very good about Accepting People Where They Are and seeing the good in people. kinda surprising actually! this is very easy to do when i am with them socially. VERY difficult when i am by myself writing.

i really only get OFFENDED and BUTTHURT when somebody hurts me directly, and to do that, i need to have kinda a serious deep rel with them, which i just dont have with most people! the closer you are to me, the more you can offend me.

well, i also get offended by Customers thinking i’m Stupid.

and i get offended by women being sluts and babies.

but i can very easily hold that back unless they are being sluts or babies to ME. then i get PISSED. or DEVASTATED.

i mean i dont really DO any locker room talk anyway because its degenerate and pornographic. i dont get excited by banging sluts. i get excited by nondegen, nonporno stuff like a traditional white family, a loving white waifu, monogamy, loyalty, Mutual Support, cuddling, not Blowjobs from Barsluts in Parking Lots, or jerking off to Porno. which i guess makes me Weird among men.

my kind of Locker Room Talk would be, why are so many women such huge, disgusting cvm guzzling whores? and yeah that sounds hateful and creepy and bitter. because it is!

basically i should be happy and confident, because when i get out in The World With Women, I’m not thinking, look at all these DISGUSTING WH0RES, how many cox has she sucked, etc. I mean i think about it, but its way on the back burner, and i always give women the benefit of the doubt and treat them like Human Beings and I am NICE TO EVERYONE. Nobodys life is EASY. I pride myself on not being an OBNOXIOUS person.

if some woman has a huge slut past, well, thats her problem, not my problem, unless i am in a rel with her. yeah its the white races problem, but im not gonna FIX her right here and now. we live in a very degenerate society so as long as someone is trying to be nice to me and not obnoxious, im happy with that, on the short term, small talk, real world interaction level.

and if someone is being obnoxious to me, i just ignore them. unless i really care about their opinion of me, like theyre obnoxious to me because i am weak and pathetic…but i dont really get that hahahahahaha. only if i am trying to build a rel with a wimmin and she rejects me, which only happens like once every 5 years or so.

i realize that my problem with women is at least 50% my own personal issues with women, not just The Way Women Are. but There IS a way that women are!!!!! but i think my own issues make me think that this is worse than it actually is.

like i have very mixed feelings about this women, the Sensitive GF. i dont trust her, i dont trust her with him, i dont trust her not to break his heart, or to put in enough effort, or to be a good GF basically. i dont think shes a bad person but i think shes a little bit too crazy to ever have a good rel, and i strongly suspect Father Issues and very possibly Past Abuse issues and even more possibly Slut Past issues. i would not want to date her at all. although she is QT. and how would i feel if she were showing any interest in me. i probably would get sold on her, like her BF is.

but i still try not to judge her TOO much, and i think she is perfectly entitled to be upset and butthurt about what the drunk guy is saying, and to call him out on it.

she was worried about being Gaslighted as That Crazy Gurl. i mean i dont think shes an idiot, and she did have the right to stand up for herself and speak out against his Locker Room Talk which again, is the TYPE of locker room talk which really triggers women as being a Potential Threat.

what i’m far more concerned about is his Generally OBnoxious, Drunken, Annoying behavior, and the best way to address Dumping him from our group, vs just tolerating him to avoid that Very Uncomfortable Direct Confrontation. OBVIOUSLY direct confrontation is best. kinda funny that it took a timid quiet gurl to do it, rather than a bunch of big burly bearded men hahahahahahahahaha wimmin r so stronk and independent dont need no man, men are pussy manchildren pajama boi.

ok got in 1 job app today hahahahaha. hopefully a few more hehehehe.

got to go to job related TEST tomorrow. 9 am. yikes. a computer and software test. for the PT job that I already took a 90 minute written test on. and prob bombed because it had a lot of specific accounting question and since i havent taken accounting in 7 years, i cant remember debits and credits. but i got an A+ in accounting 1 AND 2. all that shit. bonds, stocks, debits, credits, cash flows, balance sheets, owners equity, reconciliations, depreciation, ledgers, journals, all that shit, i USED to know it. it is honestly a LOT of shit.

ldr. he wants to fight for it. he is very worried she just wants to give up and walk away without fighting.

oh you bad man. stop FIGHTING. its pathetic and creepy. just respect her wishes to say “meh” to a 5 year relationships. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. stop trying to COERCE and PUSH her. just accept youre getting thrown away like yesterdays trash. which you are. accept it. respect it. RESPECT IT.

ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO RESPECT SOMEBODYS DECISION TO TREAT YOU WITH DISRESPECT!!!!!!!

this is why i hate the phrase respect her decision. i was accept it, but i absolutely will not respect it.

well, woman haters like me always SEE disrespect where there is none, right. any time a woman doesnt agree with you and exercises her own will is  disrespect right.

fook you!!!!

of course no one is really saying that, except the fake fictional fantasy evil woman “Stereotype” in muh head. and real women arent THAT shitty. in my head there lives the Shittiest Woman who ever lived hahahahaha. the donald trump uncle adolf shitlord of women hehehehehe.  just the evilest, stupidest, immature, 6000000 foot cranky baby with a 60000000 foot flamethrower, the stupidest, the sluttiest, the most emotional, worlds worst woman, pandora, delilah, jezebel, eve. the worst of everything.

i do like how trump hates The Media. because how could you not. admonishing the shit out of these sleazy, low down, dirty, bottom feeding “Skypes” hahahahahahahaha. i wonder if this is a RACIST DOGWHISTLE that he is joo-wise. because people that talk about (((THE MEDIA))) like that are sometimes joo-wise.

well you think anyone that works in real estate in NYC is joo-wise!!!!!!

oh wow. he just said “believe me the LAST THING i wanna do is invade her space” in reference to the idea that he was LOOMING over her like a horror movie villain cis white male at the 2nd debate.  IMHO it is kinda cocky to say something like this (“he is judging her physical appearance and implying womens worth is only in the phsyical and again talking in aggressive terms about aggressively invading and groping women etc”) so it is pretty AWESOME that in a mere 5 days, he has completely BTFO’d the grab em by the pvssy debacle. i mean he is back at the top of his game after like 2 days of contrition. beautifully played don. no i am not joking!!!!!!!!!!

i hate that women are allowed to make so many mistakes, over and over and over and over again, about the men they fook, do the life creation process with, its ok to make tons of mistakes and never learn from them and never be responsible. NO.

ive made a lot of mistakes, but i never made a mistake about the women i was interested in. well, somewhat i did, in that i shouldnt have been interested in a few of them, because they were crazy sluts. but what was MORE compelling was that they were Young, Cute, I saw them Regularly, they showed an interest in me, and I talked to them fairly smoothly. shit, all that combined was more than enough to outweigh Crazy and Slutty. because its not like i had women knocking down my door. i didnt have a SELECTION, a CHOICE.

and this is normal, natural. WOMEN ARE THE SUPPLY, MEN ARE THE DEMAND.

so its a LOT more forgiveable when i “choose” a young pretty gurl even if she is tech a bad choice, because its not like i had a real choice. you go long periods of drought and then once every few years one woman pops up.

now women, they never have a drought. they have a pool they can pick from. so YES it IS bad that they keep making poor choices here. they have plenty of experience choice making. they make a new choice every few months. men get a non-choice popping up once every few years.  and also women can get pregnant, so the CONSEQUENCES of their choices are a lot more serious. so YEAH I resent them for makign bad choices over and over and over and over and over and over and never learning yet being given a new chance very frequently.

and it didnt always used to be this way!

i mean i cant REALLY hate women because theyre not responsible for any of this, the joos are. the joos ruined everything.

but honestly. how damn hard is it to keep your legs closed ya damn sluts????? so yeah i DO blame women for that. they arent totally helpless.

so, i hate women because they have hurt ME by beign crazy, promiscuous, immature, cowardly, cold, hehehhehe.

jeez the CEO of the bank i had the big interview for and job i really want to get looked at my linkedin profile cuz i looked at his yesterday. the fookin CIO or tech manager cant even look at my profile, but the god damn CEO. come on.

but like i say, when confronted with a real life woman who maybe has a past of being a crazy slut, hurting people, making terrible decisions….. i still treat the woman amazingly friendly, polite, non judgemental.

in other words, i THINK i hate all women, but i really just hate THAT Woman. and when i am alone and writing here, i think ALL women have the WORST traits of THAT woman. when its just not true.

also she didnt even have terrible traits. she had good intentions but not enough courage to do the mature thing. thats ALL. thats IT.

maybe it speaks to the disproportionate, extreme pain of “ghosting” itself? you might not INTEND to do it, but it can still cause a CRAZY amount of pain?

really this hadnt really been done to her. i mean yeah her father abandoned her but she basically grew up thinking he was a deadbeat. i think he appeared every once in a while but she never had a good, close, regular consistent rel with him, and i dont think either one of them WANTS to. he’s just some deadbeat who never really cared about her, but its not really a Total Ghosting, especially if they talk like once every 2 years or something hahahahaha. and also she was like a BABY when he left. there never was a time when he was around, being a good father.

her longterm ok boifran, he didnt Ghost Her. they just argued for months and then had a fairly mutual Break Up and continued to talk to each other a little bit afterwards. it didnt seem super hateful.

so yeah she didnt do this to me because it had been done to her. she just did it because she was THAT immature and cowardly that she couldnt handle talking to me WHATSOEVER. not even to send a text or email or have somebody else send a text or email.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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this is how women communicate hahahahahahaha

😂

hahahahahahaha the blacks love this one, and prob women too

👨‍👨‍👦

jejejejejejej

👦🏿🔫🌜

hehehehehe they would do this one on racist google hangouts sometimes hahahaha

so yeah really the bottom line, the takeaway is, i dont hate women in the real world as much as i think i do in my head. meaning, when it comes to these real sluts out there, i can view them as Human Beings and I treat them with Human Dignity hehehehe. I DO NO HARM to anyone. not nonwhites, not women. thats what antiracists and antisexists dont udnerstand. they think we are HATEFUL and want to HARM people. WRONG.

and then they say well youre being DIVISIVE. DIVISIVE. stop DIVIDING people and FOMENTING FEAR. LOVE NOT FEAR. stop this US VS THEM mentality.

no i just dont want weird violent foreigners in muh neighborhood. in muh city. or blacks. in the US we have a black problem and yeah that is related to Slavery. i still say, give em their own country in like louisiana or alabama or mississippi or something.

i mean right now, progressive whites are saying, yep its an objective fact, take a look at the balance sheet. whites have done more harm against blacks, latinos, nonwhites, whatever. whites are in power and whites abuse that power, and now they need to STEP DOWN and accept that nonwhites should have real power in Our Democracy, and also that whites have to make reparations, because whites did massive Crimes. and whites are STILL in power, and its only JUST to FIGHT that power. so i’m glad when affirmative action gives jobs to blacks and i dont get the job. thats a very unlikely situation anway. ive already got a good job. but im MORE than happy to start cheking and giving up my white privilege to make a more progressive, equal, fair, nonracist society!!!!!!!!

i know actual white leftists, this is how they think!

black cities are full of crime because whites KEPT THEM DOWN! whites wouldnt hire them for good jobs, whites wouldnt lend them money to start businesses adn create jobs, whites wouldnt let them live in white neighborhoods, redlining, blockbusting, thats why stuff like section 8 is a GOOD thing! white landlords not renting to blacks. the whites are TRAPPING the blacks, putting them back in chains!

this is insanely wrong and evil, so yes we must do our part to atone for these real sins!

ESPECIALLY if i take any pride in being White, then its even MORE reason to take responsibility for the BAD things whites have done, not just the GOOD things! (not that white leftists have ANY pride in being white)

why cant more songs on darkthrones new album be as good as “tundra leech”? that song is crammed with great riffs, and then there is a BIG dropoff. but that song made me think, damn this is one of the best Metal Songs of 2016. darkthrone STILL HAS IT!!!!!!! (not that ive listened to many 2016 metal songs!)

just have a LITTLE bit more black metal guys! or at least make all the songs as good as “tundra leech”! this is more black metal in the celtic frost sense rather than the transilvanian hunger sense.

(i am well aware “tundra leech” is a ridiculous name, but DT has been doing insanely ridiculous song titles since “straightening sharks in heaven” in 2004. which reminds me, “sardonic wrath” has an excellent production on it, but i can’t really say how good the songs are.)

so i guess clandestine blaze is the ideal replacement for darkthrone then right? i mean DT is obviously a huge influence for CB.

so yeah DT is always an interesting topic of conversation, really ALL their albums are different in some way, and fenriz would probably be a fun guy to Hang Out with.

but i also can’t understand making enough money to have children…..and then not having children, and living as a 44 year old adolescent. i mean its fine to listen to music, but music is his whole life.

but yeah same wiht like beethoven.

but beethoven was a little more Musically Significant than Fenriz tho, no?

sure……but fenriz is pretty damn significant. i mean he’s already left a legacy. maybe thats why he doesnt feel the need to have children. his music is his children! and it will live forever! ok ok i can get that, fine.

i mean shit. if i can come back to “plaguewielder” 15 years later and enjoy it, whos to say i wont be enjoying “the cult is alive” in 5 years hahahahha.

gotta get up at 615 am tomorrow yet i am doing social game tonight, wont get home till 1230 am, i mean if i had to WORK i would not do this! but i KNOW i dont have to be “ON” at my thing tomorrow morning. im not getting PAID. Im not WORKING. I guess it would be smart to Study for my Test. like what. study excel. study quickbooks. study accounting. study macros. just study shit for 4 hours so i can get 100% on the test. treat it like a College Maths Exam. I wouldnt be going out at night if i had a Math Exam the next morning!!!!!!!!

but i AM kinda butthurt at the org for making me jump through SO MANY goddamn hoops all the time. a 90 minute written test, a 90 minute excel test, and an interview, just to get put on a LIST for a PART TIME job. and then having to REPEAT this WHOLE process for every part time job you apply for. now its just like one every 3 months because thats how few job openings they have. im just sick of giving and never getting. going there to take interviews and tests for PT jobs every few months and NOTHING. like who do i have to suck off to get a PT job? how come stupid 18 year old gurls get PT jobs in certain departments? am i overqualified or do they just hate gaps? OR BOTH????

its a fact of fookin life, people get gaps sometimes. LONG GAPS. because so many employers are gapist hahahahahahahahaha.  but yeah gaps are literally the kiss of death and ive got it BAD. THAT WOMAN never had serious gap problems like i do. and people who dont have gaps just dont understand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, i address the gap directly in my cover letter. as of sept 2016 i do hahahahaha. i think this is a great move and i am grateful to the real life person who suggested it.

intimidated and insecure by Female Sexuality???

NO, I JUST DONT LIKE SLUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Theyre DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!

well, their sluttiness is disgusting. hate the sin, love the sinner hahahaha.

besides, i can get along just fine with women who have had Slut Pasts, provided I’m not trying to Start A Rel with them.  I would intentionally keep them at a distance, but I wouldnt be MEAN or impolite about it!!!!!!!

but i dont really care that the waitress who serves me is a slut! if anything i think, that poor girl, she’s got a horrible job, i could never do that, i will be nice to her and give her a good tip. TOUGH LIFE. maybe she’ll find a good man some day. but im not interested.

but yeah nature and nurture. when you see White Trash you think, i KNOW whites can do better than this. so maybe nurture IS more important than nature. there are total white trash neighborhoods, areas, trailer parks, etc. why cant some of them Rise Above a life of drugs, single mothers, deadbeats, bad boys, white trash? or are they a lesser subspecies of whites that were Born That Way? Irish? Italian? Polish? hahahahahaha. Squatting Slavs? Potato Eating Potato Negros????

DIRECTLY DEVALUED

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https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-forward/201511/why-ghosting-causes-so-much-pain

am i the only sane person that i need to mansplain basic emotional intelligence lessons to women, like “ghosting” is painful? that it hurts a lot to be thrown away like garbage. compared to being “dumped cordially”? hehehe recent PT article on the pain of “ghosting” which is a gay word

One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low.13 If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (pain-killer) released into the brain after a rejection when compared to those whose self-esteem is higher.14

Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty.15 It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.

Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.

How do you move forward?

The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don’t understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully.

Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.

ok gotcha. will do hahahaha. great article on a horrible thing haw haw haw.

” “Plenty of people” don’t become emotional and verbal abusers for no reason.
Ghosting is a severe form of emotional abuse, on par with cheating. There is no respectfulness in either. Verbal abuse, even though reprehensible and hurtful, is not as insidious as pretending that, not only you ceased to exist, but also all that you ever had together was void of any true meaning, feelings or purpose, and therefore not even worthy any acknowledgement. On the other hand, even if you scream and shout at someone, at least you acknowledge that person is/was part of your life.”   a comment on that article hahahahahaa

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200311/bad-breakups-cause-depression

a Bad breakup can cause despair even more than the death of a loved one, phds say

Researchers found losses that involved lower self-esteem were twice
as likely to trigger depression as ones that involved loss alone. This
was particularly true of breakups that were initiated by the other
partner or that involved infidelity or violence.

“The most toxic combination was loss and humiliation that in
some way directly devalued the individual,” says Kenneth S.
Kendler, professor of psychiatry and lead author of the study.

yes doc id say i was DIRECTLY DEVALUED hahahahaha! Directly Devalued? ID SAY SO!!!!!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ambigamy/201205/endorphment-why-some-breakups-are-much-harder-others

this guy is kind of a fruity hippy but he manages to make some interesting points

which i am too lazy to copy paste.

TO WORDPRESS STAFF: if you think i am violating TOS or some shit by copy and pasting long quotes, just go ahead and unpublish THIS POST ONLY and let me know, rather than shutting the whole blog down and making me beg to have somebody review it.

yeah its painful cuz its a condemnation of me. its not saying, i just cant do this any more, dont take this to mean you are a bad person. its i cant do this any more AND you are a bad person, a piece of shit. which is a terrible thing to tell somebody while you are DUMPING them.

you take it as a real bad value judgment against yourself. a good breakup vs a bad breakup hahahaha and this was a bad one.

anyway i can forgive her because she was having some family stress and that will be my final verdict as to “WHY SHE DID THIS” because GOD HELP ME if I could ever understand why you could ever throw away another person like garbage. i dont WANT to understand that point of view.

so i will just say she was/is under a lot of family stress.

its not a GOOD excuse or reason, because she can still do her JOB; and also my pain is still probably worse than hers. a bad breakup is worse or as bad as a death of a loved one hahahaha.

also if my loved one were dying, i would still be able to READ ONE EMAIL. and i would also be able to WRITE ONE EMAIL, saying, sorry i just cant do this, we need to stop hanging out, im sorry to break your heart, its not you its me, i am not rejecting you as a human being, but this is the end, sorry, take care, bye bye.  see? one sentence. i wrote it in LESS THAN ONE MINUTE. even if ALL my loved ones were dying AT THE SAME TIME i could take LESS THAN ONE MINUTE to write something.

maybe she feels betrayed that i “picked the worst possible time” to get feelings for her, when she was having family trouble. basically a beloved family member is getting old and infirm and doesnt have too much longer. well i got the feelings before i knew abotu that, it took a while of my pushiness before she even told me this. getting information from her is WORSE than pulling teeth. its like pulling teeth that never come out.

im the mother fookin MOON MAN hahahaha. the one and only n199er killin racist moon hahahaha. ratta tat tat dat ass, droppin n199erz like dummies hahahahahaha

and building traditional nuclear familiez with traditional marriageable loving nonpromiscuous womenz hahahaha

anyway i of course addressed all this in the emails. i address just about EVERYTHING in the emails, if she would just READ them.  i said i KNEW it was a horrible timing, and i didnt PLAN to get these feelings at this time, and i KNOW about the family thing, but PLEASE just respond to me with a short message or something. i just want to be treated like a human being. i know our rel has to end, but lets end it in a good way rather than a horrible way PLEASE.

also becuase she is a classic victim, some kind of tragedy is ALWAYS happening with her. i think she honestly is unlucky but other times i wonder if she is just a “tragedy magnet.”  like stop pretending you really knew that random person who died hahahahaha you met them once 10 years ago hahahahaha. i dont know she stopped letting me in to talk about stuff, she wanted to shut me out and not have me know her any more.

prob because she was uncomfortable with me liking her. she felt that was putting too much pressure on her. i wasnt putting pressure on her to like me back. i am EMOTIONALLY MATURE enough to know you cant MAKE somebody like you.

you can ask them to TALK ABOUT something that is affecting BOTH OF YOU however.

anyway yeah this was a legit family tragedy rather than somebody she went to grade school with dying, so i can/do/will forgive her for having a lot on her plate and treating me poorly. just saying that if all my loved ones were dying at the same time and somebody liked me, i would still be able to read their emails and reply to them.

really? like i would CHOOSE to get feelings for you, at a time when you were undergoing a lot of stress and could not POSSIBLY return them. come on.

now i get an irritable bowelz from drinking TEA. not AS bad as coffee, but still irritated and poopy. come on.

but yeah anxiety does not become MEN. and when men get anxiety its more debilitating for them than it is for women. it totally ruins their whole life in other words.

MILLENNIAL WOES is doing 7 days of hangouts around the xmas. 4 hours a day, 7 days straight. this is awesome. i was JUST THINKING, why doesnt he do a regular hangout, like a chat room of old, only now you can do a hangout. so i hope he does like 1 hangout a week just to talk to people. i like that he likes talking to people and engaging them, this builds a real community imho. i might even get in on one of the hangouts! THE WOES DOES NOT CLOSE.

anuwhee.  im sorry i was not perfect! in healthy relships the people accept each other for NOT being perfect. in unhealthy rels, one person will find some stupid reason to dump you even if you are damn near perfect.

if my whole family were on their deathbed and she wrote me an email saying SORRY FOR LIKING YOU, please respond, I WOULD RESPOND. Id say no dont be sorry, im sorry i dont like you back. thats final. we should have some distance between each other now. i respect what we had and i dont want to throw you away like garbage. you are a good human being but i just will never feel that way about you, im sorry. it will be for the best for us not to hang out any more becuase we want different things out of each other. take care and im sorry it could never work out. feel free to write more but im not gonna change my mind on this, its final. but since we should end this, i think we should end it in a mutually respectful way. the end.

DONE! i just did it AGAIN, in under 5 minutes. Now I can go back to tend to my whole family on their deathbed.

you can send me emails and voice recordings cuz i know its important to feel heard.

but i just dont want you like that. you cant make me love you. im sorry. i know it hurts. ive been there before. for me the best thing was no contact. dont get any false hopes. i will not lead you on. get over me and find someone who does appreciate you. im sorry to have to do this because i know it hurts. but i have to cuz its the truth. this is the end.

DONE! AGAIN!

but yeah i dont WANT meet anyone new, i dont want to go through all of that. i already Vetted her, i already knew she was a good person, she passed the test, and then she went completely off the reservation. but its so hard to START OVER with someone new, especially when i dont want to, especially when i dont make friends easily, especially when i met her we got along SO EASILY, right away, yet we didnt fook each other right away like most filthy whores, we got along well immediately but still took our time to get to know each other, because it takes TIME to get to know and trust someone. always. it doesnt happen overnight. so why do people fook each other overnight? its stupid and it RUINS relationships imho. well it does for me. and anyone else who believes you should take time to get to know each other before having secs. which is like .0000000000000000001% of people unfortuantely.

ok try it again just for fun: im sorry but i dont like you back. this is going to hurt you and im sorry. i dont want to lead you on, or throw you away. im sorry but i dont share these feelings. because of that i dont think we can be just friends any more. sorry about that. it doesnt mean i hate you. i dont hate you. i think youre a good person, but i just dont feel the same way as you do, and if we continue hanging out, that will probably hurt you, and i dont want to lead you on. so we have to end this. im sorry it worked out this way but i cant change the way i feel. i just dont have feelings for you and i never will. take care of yourself. goodbye and im sorry.

the end. DONE! AGAIN!

its SO EASY! and ive never ever had to do this before! i just know what i’d like to hear from having it happen to me!

i was thinking about just LYING and saying i was laid off. its SO MUCH EASIER than to say you got hysterical and unrealiable and RAGEQUIT cause youre an anxious unmasculine omega male who couldnt handle a WOMAN. damn.

HOW TO STOP GETTING FLUSTERED BY BAD CUSTOMERS ASKING CONFUSING QUESTIONS

you Just Do It hahahaha. i wish i could answer that. I have to pretend i am good at that. sometimes i am, sometimes i am godawful. but just pretend you are a boss at it all the time. i guess determine How IMportant the customer is, how much revenue do they add, how big is the actual problem, then make an educated guess, but say it firmly and make it sound like an Absolutely Conclusive answer. unless your manager is WILLING and HAPPY to take tough questions. then thank THEM, apologize to THEM, and have them Educate you on what THEY said to the asshole, so that you dont have to waste their precious time on that issue again hahahaha.

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trying to reduce effect of coffee irritating stomach/intestints, by making weaker coffee. down from 8 scoops to 7 scoops now 6 scoops.

how to stop getting confused so easily, so often. i think i get confused even when im not confused. that deep down i understand stuff better than i think i do. just when somebody puts you on the spot for an explanation…..i get nervous, i get flustered, i forget that i do understand shit.

how to stop getting flsutered so easily.

http://www.ourhealth.com/conditions/i-cannot-get-a-diagnosis/confused-frustrated-extreamly-embarrased-and-its-getting-worse

technically smart guy gets confused and flustered easily which makes him look dumb at work, loses respect of everybody there, takes prozac and adderall for ADD but doesnt seem to be helping too much. people on thread suggest anxiety, to thyroid, to BIPOLAR. lately i have been worried i might actually be BIPOLAR, but then i say, no, i’m not MANIC when i get anxious, i’m just SUPER ANXIOUS. anxiety is not mania…….is it?  i could see it def being a possible PART of mania though. some people were convinced he was bipolar.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/other-mental-health-discussion/313659-why-am-i-so-confused-all-time.html

http://forums.phoenixrising.me/index.php?threads/does-anyone-else-get-easily-confused.6732/

they get easily confused and get treated like an idiot. ME/chronic fatigue. not sure what ME is.

Myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME)/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), also known chronic fatigue and immune dysfunction syndrome (CFIDS), is a complex and  ..

ok ME is CFS. i thought i had that at one time too since i had no energy and am so lazy!

brain fog, easy for predators to take advantage of you, try to intentionally confuse and scam you

well these CFS people seem to get even MORE confused than i do, but they are also less anxious, less despairing.

so….i worry all the time which leads to anxiety which leads to confusion and stress and confusion and anxiety and worry and all that is exhausting but it also keeps my mind racing but not in a productive way at all, but a confused way, and that plus failing at everything makes me pessimistic and despairing.

http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/bipolar-2-disorder

well if anything i would have bipolar 2, which is the next thing after depression hahahaha.

how to stop getting FLUSTERED so easily

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=411377

guy gets big last minute projects dumped on him at work that MUST be 100% perfect, no room for .1% mistakes, will always be rememberd by management as huge mistakes. jeez.

find a new line of work buddy. try a call center. if thats too stressful try a restaurant. if thats too stressful try retail or fast food. if thats too stressful try stripping. if thats too stressful try crime hahahahahahahahahahaha.

http://www.vogue.com.au/forums/showthread.php?t=111489

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/5-steps-to-becoming-unflusterable/

let yourself worry for 20 minutes and then say thats enough, i got my 20 minutes in.

had dream last night featuring woman2005b aka woman4. i got a mad crush on her but she didnt like me because i was a drunk fool. i liked her because she was not a slut and kinda virginal and inexperienced and nerdy and introverted and awkward and weird, plus very cute. also she was white and not j00ish so thats good hahahahaha. she might have actually been asexual or a lesbian, dont know, not sure if she knew at that time. anyway in the dream we were kind of cuddling and making out, but not making out in a slutty this is going to lead to secs NOW sort of way, where you are spitting in each others mouths and groping each others crotches. but just gentle innocent tongueless kissing like they did in the more prudent 1950s or some shit, and some G rated cuddling and maybe hand holding. see i like this over that more overtly sexual stuff. which is why i prefer women that are more…..”romantic” than “SEXUAL”.  good lord just SOFTEN the edges a little bit, be a little bit more of a prude, and she was a great prude, and I saw some of that in my former female friend too. that prudishness and Sexual Innocence. i LOVE that. makes me develop real feelings for the woman. i like a woman who takes secs seriously and who isnt giving it away to every tom dick and harry. every chad and tyrone hahahaha.

anyway she was in the prime of youth then and is Now Over 30. holy shit! now she’s OLD! she probably hasnt hit the WALL yet. she’s in good health and probably still looks good and wont hit the WALL until 40, so good for her. she was a hard worker and had a Notable Career in Nonprofits. i always wondered if she ended up riding the Chad Carousel after she started her Career in DC. More than likely! then she’ll hit The Wall sooner.

if she really were a prude she would try to get transferred out of DC into the third world she was so interested in hahaha. maybe she did. maybe she was that weird. good for her. but she could still ride the Chad Carousel there too. but then it would just be weird.

but it was nice to have this dream where i was having fun making out with a woman who WASNT You Know Who. That Person. THAT PERSON.

damn she really ruined my YEAR hahahaha.

shit yeah i would still “take her back” if she came back. (she wont come back hahaha.) i would probably take ANY of the women back, after all these years. well, i would definitely use them as a fook dumpster at the very least, bang them 1000 times at MY convenience, until i got tired of them and totally put the lie to the idea that i could have EVER loved them, because now they were just an old piece of spent fook meat that i was DONE with!!!!! well, half of the women were worth that, the other half were actually decent women, so i could still possibly date them. if they hadnt’ gone and become degenerates themselves in the interim years. which they well could have.

just because a woman hasnt become a degenerate by age 24 doesnt mean she wont Turn Bad after that! it happens!

sure, most degen women will have turned long before that, like by age 20 or 21, but some women last through All Of College without doing the Chad Carousel, but then they START doing so AFTER college, when in Grad/Law Skool, or Career in the Big City.

well at least they have careers and secs lives hahahahaha. they are making something of themselves, being productive members of society, not being lazy loser deadbeats complaining about their anxiety and worries and low self esteem and no confidence and not being able to deal with life hahahahaha

i should take the political compass.org test so you know where i stand politically! i would guess Right Of Center, almost FASCIST. but i tolerate gays. but i dont tolerate open relationships and degeneracy. lets find out lolololol…

https://www.politicalcompass.org/yourpoliticalcompass?ec=-0.63&soc=0.72

holy shit i am almost dead center. but technically a “left authoritarian.” well i could see RIGHT authoritarian or even right libertarian.

i cant explain it to you and i cant understand it for you hahahaha

i was googling what to do when someone wants an explanation, and you cant give it, becuase you dont understand it yourself.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/my-partner-of-6-years-suddenly-left-with-no-explanation-and-has-completely-shut-me-and-my-kids-out-elise/

not related to that really but reminds me of what i went through with THAT PERSON. i didnt even WANT an EXPLANATION from her, I just wanted her to SAY SOMETHING to me and be NICER to me and to say she didnt hate me, she appreciated our time together, but now she wants to end. no explanation needed, just a Compassionate Talk to TRY to lessen hurt feelings.

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/26-year-old-virgin/

unrelated, 26 year old virgin. male of course. there are a LOT of these, so dont be ashamed for being a 26 27 or even 30 year old virgin. it seems there are a decent number of 22 year old virgin women, but havent seen many virgin women older than that. oh well. i would GLADLY take a 22 year old virgin hahaha but 22 is too young for me to realistically pull hahaha.

oh god she was 24/25, she was a great age, THAT PERSON, obviously i like younger women because i like innocent, inexperienced, nonslut women, and most women are all whored up by 24, but not her! and when am i ever gonna meet another nonwhore 24 or 25 year old!!!

angelo john gage

What happened to men, women, and relationships?

good straight shooting vidya by a guy who immediately made a good impression on me. he only “awoke” not too long ago but he seems to get it, and talks REAL TALK. warning: he is pro-white hahahaha so if you dont like that, keep having bastard babies with tyrone who look NOTHING like you hahahaha until one of the tyrones eventually beats or gats you to def.

he is a little “too macho new joisey” type guy but I dont mind that much. i mean men should be men. i wish iwere more masculine!!!!!!!! then i might be able to pull gurls like this guy! he says he went through a hedonistic womanizing phase where he was banging a bunch of gurls at the same time, and did not want a committment. of course we can never know that feel, hahaha. but one day he met a Great Decent woman, who made him want to be Loyal, and give up his hedonistic degenerate lifestyle, and proved NAWALT hahaha. he dated her for several years and now they have a white babby he is very proud of.  well good for him. i would love to find a Nurturing White Woman who likes the idear of motherhood, and then make white babies with her. its just hard to make that much money that you need to be a good Husband and Father, what a sick sad world we live in, this is how the Bankster Elites destroy families and enslave the goyim and attempt to turn us all into r-selected muds breeding like rats and having cheap worthless lives.

also looks like he is really controversial on youtube and might be plant or a shill. oh well this vidya is good.

what to say when you cant explain something

yeah i just fooking HATE that THAT PERSON gets to keep doing good at her job, making money, being well liked, while I just totally fell apart and basically threw like $30,000 down the toilet because of a damn woman i never even really Dated hhahahahahaha and im gonna be the hysterical basket case who quits jobs cuz i cant handle stress, and she continues working stressful jobs, handling it, getting promoted, making enough money to live independently, have children, etc, and she might even want to have children some day. i would love to have children someday but i cant even make enough money to support myself, let along children, so i get JEALOUS of people with children. and FORGET finding a decent woman to have children with.

yep wish i never met her. there are actually very few people i wish i never met. because i had to really like them, then really dislike them. i guess “woman3” / woman2005a might be one of them, although i feel much more neutral of her now, 10 years later. but the timing on that was really bad. i was very upset when she “dumped” me from our pseudorel, and it caused a lot of drama, right as i graduated College, and i wonder if i didn’t have that drama, i would have been more mature and responsible about finding a decent Entry Level job right away, when its easier to do so, but instead, i was getting emotional and drinking too mcuh and worried about some dumb woman.

but i was immature anyway and really shouldnt have been at that college to begin with! i was never a great student, so it only makes sense that i was not a great postcollege job seeker.

but im not TOO mad about that. other than she became an intellectual phd even though i was 90000000000000 times smarter than her! now she’s a Well Paid Respected PHD professor and i cant even make 15 DAH! I get dumped by PHD’s, I get dumped by white trash gurls with associates degrees hahahahaha.

ive gotten dumped by cheaters, ive been dumper by babykillers, ive been dumped by bipolars, ive been dumped by eating disorder gurls.

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http://lifehacker.com/5805406/a-step-by-step-guide-to-getting-better-customer-service?trending_test_d&utm_expid=66866090-62._DVNDEZYQh2S4K00ZSnKcw.4

http://positivesharing.com/2006/07/why-the-customer-is-always-right-results-in-bad-customer-service/

http://news.foodfacts.info/2006/08/mcdonalds-employee-has-mcrules-for-you.html

oh the comments hahahaha

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

http://gizmodo.com/nightmare-stories-of-your-worst-it-jobs-ever-1740606908

shit. these are the types of things i read. my confidence is gone. i didnt really have SUPER bad customers at my last job, nor did i have super bad management or tier 2 support. it could have been a LOT worse. and I was doing pretty well. and in the end it was a WOMAN, not the JOB, which killed me.

second thoughts about quitting? yeah I could probably go back bbbbbut i dont wanna work in a call center wawawawawawawawawawa. the ringing phones, the confusing issues, the nervously trying to bullshit them when you have no idea and you are putting them on hold frantically trying to figure shit out with a foggy mind. it didnt even matter that we had Some Tier 2 Support, and Some Good Managers, and a lot of good people who actually did try to help rather than Dodge Accountability So As To Meet a 20 Minute Average Handle Time. “Handle” meaning just Fob them off and pass the buck and Handle NOTHING.

but with Retail and Food Service, you handle the even worse customers, the joe blows off the street who are psychopath and sociopath that people on the internet complain about and they write books about. just notoriously Bad Customers who will never be satisfied, who LIKE giving poor service workers a hard time. how could you even do that. I ALWAYS think of the person whose job it is to serve me, and appreciate how badly i dont want their job, and the pity and sorrow i feel for THEM, so I am always nice and polite and agreeable.

i can do SOME customer service and I can do it WELL. I just cant do it ALL DAY and i cant do RIDICULOUS shit. unfortunately thats the ENTIRETY of MANY jobs. like i could never be a server. i would quit while working on my first table. i am kinda jealous of people who are good servers and especially those who make a Good Living working in Fine Dining.

heh. i just get too nervous when dealing with hard customers.

google nervous about hard customers / bad customers

and then i get FLUSTERED, and look like an IDIOT, and they want to talk to the MANAGER, then the MANAGER (or whatever higher-up) is mad at ME and wants to force me out of the job hahahaha.

shit. spent the day reading customer service and Bad Customers articles, how to deal with bad customers, then thought shit. got 7.2 miles of walking in. read stupid snagajob.com job search articles where some collegefag got a sweet FT job with benefits at snagajob corporate, and a bunch of horrible unwashing masses commented about how they hadn’t gotten 1 interview in 4 years, i am 62 years old, cant even get a minimum wage retail job, because they cant type hahahahaha. so i dont think this should doom them.

and then went back to my files to look for actual cases, complicated cases, so i can tell stories about them. find complicated cases and then pretend like the caller was angry even if they were not! cuz some of my cases where the caller got frustrated were really stupid cases where nothing got resolved, i had no idea what i was doing in the first month of calls, and they “had to go.” and left before i could resolve or escalate.

also too half dose of nyquil.

 

REAL WOMAN HATERS DONT WORRY THEY ARE BECOMING A WOMAN HATER

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yeah people being undertrained for their jobs, beign confused and overwhelmed all the time, being scared to ask for help because that proves youre not getting it fast enough and are stupid, smart people shamed into believing they are stupid, the most help you get is someone pointing to a 10000000000000000000 page book and them saying “read and understand. try harder.”

i say FOOK IT. just do a half ass job, say i read the documentation and used my resources and did not want to steal time/money from senior employees, so, this is how i decided it should be done. i cant be wasting peoples time or my own 900000000000000 times during a project saying is this right? is this right? is this right? every time i do something. the company will lose money.

so i was rejected because i was a BETA? well, not even a beta but an omega? i get periods of weakness and vulnerability sometimes. i guess lesson learned is hide that shit like a Deep Dark Secret when dealing with women, even women you think you can trust. becuase you can never trust women hahaahahah. or just because you trusted them in the past doesnt mean you can trust them now.

i have been reading matt forney ever since the early days when he was in mala fide / ferdinand bardamu. he might have been the second or third guy i found after roissy / heartiste. when the hell was this? 2008? 2007 even? a long time ago. the Movement has been shifting, growing over the past 7-8 years. it started out as anti feminism because we could see feminism had ruined women and we were angry were couldnt get any women cuz we were beta men and the modern sluts hated beta men. hahahaha. but then we gradually saw the bigger picture, feminism was just one part of leftism / marxism, women are not the enemy, marxists are the enemy, the LEFT is the enemy. theyve ruined Our Women, theyve ruined Our Country, theyve ruined Our Race hahahahaha. and now its all coming together in a beautiful way.

but i havent read forney regularly in years. but i might start listening to him. some of his writing seems a little woman hating hahahhaha. but he is a great writer. but i can never tell when he is being serious or trolling. and writing is ridiculous. i think talking is better. he sounds more down to earth and normal and trustworthy when he talks. i might start listening to his Podcast.

heh. i liked having a woman in my life to remind me that Not All Women Are Like That, ie annoying pieces of shit who i dont want in my life, destructive value suckers. depreciators. make life worse not better. yet in the end she just made my life worse and i wish i had neer met her. we had really good times but the bad times outweighed that. i wish i never met her. only if i had BANGED her maybe would i be able to look back and say “that SUCKED and im glad shes gone, but i cant say i wish i never met her, because im glad i banged her.” i cant even say that! and All Women Give Up Bangs Easily! just not to us beta creeper Thirsty Scum hahahaha.

thirsty what a stupid word. only women can come up with words this stupid. i don’t like them. i dont like the way they TALK, i dont like the way they ACT. I do not like women. I’d be foolish TO like women, given my experiences with them! there’s not enough TO like! and too much to dislike!

so while i dont really want to be a “woman HATER”, i dont mind saying i do not like women, fook no i dont. why the FOOK would I? the cons have way outweighed the pros. they have disappointed me time and again.

i told her. i told her i was an MRA and a MGTOW and that basically i was an anti-feminist and i didnt like feminists and i didnt particularly like women either! so i was honest about who i was. well we really never had a super long meaty talk about that sort of stuff. we didnt have enough long talks period, especially at the end. she just wasnt willing to. i would have talked about thsi shit all day. i wasnt cool or manly enough to get an audience with her though. fine fook her then. i used to be cool enough to get an audience though. i can deal with being Never Liked. Its harder for me dealing with being DOWNGRADED. to be liked, and then move down to being not liked.

writing can be very unhealthy. youre just sitting there by yourself alone, alone with your thoughts, and your thoughts can be very unhealthy. with talking, its easier to be more optimistic i guess is what im trying to say. partially because talking, you can keep better pace with your thoughts, compared to writing.  and also you can consciously put on a Happy Voice and Smile Into The Phone so you can move your Thoughts down a more optimistic, more healthy path.

well, i am speaking from the perspective of lazy Despairing Losers who have trouble getting and keeping Momentum. Forney does not appear to have this problem. he has had a 10000000000 jobs. i respect this but at the same time i envy such a “normalfag.” kinda like stefan molyneux as well.

even a fat bald shitbag like forney has gotten more pvssy than me, because hes not afraid to talk to gurls.

i used to read another blogger who was a great writer but god damn did he hate forney. he was so angry and petty and hateful that i stopped reading him! and obviously forney rose above that, he now makes a living as a writer/blogger/internet personality, was able to quit his job, is basically self-employed, and im sure is far less butthurt about this guy, than this guy is still butthurt abotu forney.

when i am not heartbroken and or in the depths of despair, this is the type of stuff i read hahahaha. “alt right” or “new right” or “neoreaction” or all that.

LETTER

was it worth it? was it worth being such a bitch and throwing me away? you’re better than this. at least you USED to be better than this. its so disappointing to see you change for the worse. we could have been good together. but not the person you are becoming. its sad. you are not just throwing me away, you’re throwing yourself away too. all of this has made me very sad but theres nothing i can do about it but let you go. you wont listen to reason and you arent willing to listen to me or talk to me at all. you arent willing to try to do anything to end this on a good note. i will never know exactly why.

i blamed myself completely for pushing you to this. i dont have great boundaries so i always blame myself completely for anythign that goes wrong in a relationship. which is why this “nuclear bomb” ending is especially hurtful to me. most normal people would take it as a sign the dumper is not worth their time, anyone that would do that to you doesnt deserve to be in your life, forget about that completely unreasonable person. but i automatically blamed myself and immediately threw myself at your feet begging for forgiveness for what I did, for forcing you to do this, me begging for forgiveness, apologizing over and over and over again for being pushy.

well if anything im sorry to myself that i did that. if anythign i deserved an apology from you. i became angry that you would let our realtionship DIE without even lifting a finger, without even saying some mournful words of respect for the good thing that once existed.

you were completely unreasonable and this leaves me with a very unfavorable view of you.

i know you are a better person and are capable of so much better. you treat other people better than you treat me. well thats because i was SO HORRIBLE to you you might say. i argue i wasnt so HORRIBLE to deserve this. being thrown away like this is horrible. i will never make sense of this. the only thing i can do is just hope time eventually heals this wound for me.  its getting better but i still want to contact you.

but im tired of BEGGING. im tired of doing all the work. im tired of this being so one sided. not much is clear about this but what is clear is that you dont want to have anything to do to me. if you change your mind, then its on you to contact me for once. not that i think this will happen.

there are many free articles on the internet on how to dump or break up or end a relationship with somebody in a good way. all of them say to do it in person and to let the other person have their say.

/LETTER

shit. this whole shit is so fookin stoopid. why couldnt she just TALK TO ME. that would have been SO EASY. hang out with me ONCE IN TEN MONTHS, i say listen i like you, i know its a bad time, she would say omg lol idk, idk if i like u, idk weird, ur 2 thirsty, i just want to be friends, and i would say ok then, well i cant be jsut friends, so please just tell me we had a good friendship before and you wish me well, and well put an end to this in a dignified way.

well THEN what. then id still have to deal with her in the office being nice and talking and hanging out with other people in plain view of me.

so thats my fookin problem right.

yeah technically it is.

ok so its my problem but it legitimately SUCKS, you cant deny that. when you get rejected by someone then you see that person all day at a very shitty job. you would be going nuts too.

but i might have been able to make it to layoff IF the ending was more amicable. and then i could have just never returned in july. and have had like 5 extra months of my life back. and it probably would have ended a little better. and rather having to then say i “quit a job because of personal issues”, i could just say that i wasnt called back in a timely manner and i was looking for new jobs in my layoff period. rather than returning FROM layoff and then QUITTING cuz shit sucked so bad.

also what if i just took some valium whenever i had to see her? wouldnt that make it easier?

well not every day, i would never take valium every day, but every other day yes. 3 work days a week and then MJ on nights and weekends hahahahah.

google how to say no to a customer

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

we would have to say no to callers all the time and it was nerve wracking for me because i am a people pleaser becuase i get nervous when people get angry

http://www.amanet.org/training/articles/How-to-Say-No-to-a-Customer.aspx

well its easy to lose confidence or fumble your words if you dont know if the thing can even be done or not! and you are thrown to the wolves with inadequate training, where you have like 2 weeks of training at best with about 10 chapters of complicated new material to learn every day!

funny, i didnt start Studying At Home until later in the game. i should have started off Studying at home RIGHT AWAY, during training. but nobody suggested it, and it took me a while to think of it on my own.

well i dont think anyone else studied at home. but i was one of the most nervous high strung, unerconfident people there. i was just able to fake confidence and chillness pretty well. which does bode well for my future employment. or banging bitches.

but yeah even reading “customer service tips” like the above links would have helped me.

also just go ahead and lie and make mistakes until somebody tells you dont do that. in one of your weekly 5 minutes coaching meetings. then say oops sorry i didnt realize that but i will definitely never do that again. and then make another post it note or flashcard and honestly never do it again.

it was funny. i had 10 times the training for my previous job, which was more than 10 times easier. we also had pretty extensive Customer Service workshops there, althought the cust service aspect was 10000000000000000000 times more important in the next job.

how to say no to customers.

how to deal in situations where you dont know the answer and it would take you 2 hours of FLAILING to Research and Work Out the answer, but you have 20 minutes to resolve the call.  and you dont want to sound like an idiot to the caller, like an idiot who doesnt know what youre doing. that was my biggest peeve.

built muh 2.00 max buying up to 4.54. I HAVE DOUBLED UP. thru winning 2 good pots. i never do this. now i gotta stick around to avoid looking like a HIT N RUNNER. not sure the min amount of time to do that.

https://www.livechatinc.com/blog/how-to-say-no-to-customers-without-making-them-angry/

also how to deny a caller who wants to speak to a supervisor. well you simply cant do that. the supervisor doesnt want to speak to them!

it would be different if there was a policy where you could transfer them to The Supervisor Queue but they kept this shit SECRET. there were so many queues, 30% of them were dead and disused, and ALL of them had mysterious names that you had no idea what they were, and there was no documentation as to what they were.

one of them essentially did go to tier 2, but it took me at least 5 months to learn that. also that you needed permission to transfer to that queue. so then i would ask in the Advice Chat Room, caller is asking for a sup, may i transfer to “queue name” please? and they would not say yes regularly but i showed i Was In The Know. there was tier 1 agents which showed initiative to learn The Secret Wisdom, and those that didnt. so i proved myself as a smart kid. but it was hard won, i dont know how i lasted in the beginnig. part of it was because my female friend supported me in the beginning.

once i started liking her, she stopped the support. now i had made other friends by then so i got my support from them, but this was just another way she rejected me and it pained me. also i really was smarter and a better worker than her. she didnt study on her off time. she didnt Think Like A Tier 2. she just acted like a dumb robot cow and said sorry cant be fixed even when it could be fixed.

i pushed myself to think like a tier 2, and the tier 2 and management respected that, and realized i wasnt an idiot.

it was wrong of them to treat tier 1 like idiots and not train them properly, so i will never defend them in doing that.

but it was good to have their respect too, since it made my life easier and less of a constant living hell.

and i am angry about having to give up those SICK GAINS i made, really big achivements, because i was going mental over some girl dumping me.

so stupid.

anyway matt forney advises young men to go into the trades, and #2 choice, maybe try north dakota, but thats on a downswing right now as the price of oil is going down. also you will have to live in your car because housing is too expensive and low supply. but he made 17 DAH in a temp job holding a damn FLAG for 10 hours a day and said it was BORING as shit. i thought of this as my dream job.

i could never ever say i was BORED at muh job. i was always nervous abotu fooking something up or sounding liek an idiot. and i just wanted a damn break from talking on the phone.

i finally got it after 12 months of work, moved to a nonphone project, but right when i was, i went batshit over the girl. god damn.

google how to tell a customer they cant speak to the manager

hahahah

http://career-advice.monster.com/in-the-office/workplace-issues/may-i-speak-to-the-manager/article.aspx

so what do you do when the manager says “NOPE LOL” because all the tier 2s are busy on other cases right now, the best you can do is escalate with the “customer requests higher level of support” article and they can get a callback within 3 business days, which will often result in a missed call, left voicemail not even leaving the Special Tier 2 Number, then sending them an email saying “you need to do this this and this” or “what your asking cant be done please call the tier 1 help line back if any questions” with no fooking suggestions as to an alternative, or its clear t2 misundertood completely, and when they call t1 back, t1 is not gonna know either. not because theyre STUPID, as t2 thought us, but because there was so much stupid shit to know, it was an ocean of confusing half-knowledge, and we had to navigate it ourselves, not even sure if were doing it right, until some t2 message us and scolds us for doing it wrong. well becuase the issue and the damn documented “solution” was UNCLEAR AS FOOK.

but documentation of any kind is a luxury right?

not in Technical Support, I’d argue. we need the documentation to do our damn jobs and to answer questions and fix shit where 1 minute ago, we had no idea what the person was TALKING about!!!!!!

then yes you DO need documentation or a knowledge base! OR people who can advise you clearly and quickly!

instead we got a half baked but spaghettish knowledge base, and rude and slow and unclear t2 Advice Givers who were useless. as we scrambled like CRABS IN A BUCKET in the Advice Chat Room barking out questions, steps taken, and they gave monsyllabic responses that were like wtf htf can i even USE this? i cant TELL THEM THIS!!!!!!!

so then do you waste 5 more minutes asking them, could you rephrase that in a way i could explain to the caller, you BULLSHIT it yourself.

i advise you to never ever work in a technical support call center hahahaha. well it built character and built my resume but god damn i cant go back to that. i got all the damn utility out of it i could. i lasted a damn year and ultimately it was a woman that pushed me out. i would have lasted at least 6 more months if she werent there hahahaha.

maybe 3 more months if we had just talked things out. i mean come on we work together we dont want things to get weird. and fook did they get weird as fook.

heh. i wonder if i hadnt quit, if she would have talked to me eventually.

or if i would have done something ridiculous. i probably would have gotten mad at her, then she would never talk to me again, and then i would be the bad guy cuz i got mad at her. she was bound and determined to make me the bad guy. and i dont like that cuz i am prone to make myself the bad guy anyway. i dont need any outside assistance.

anyway. real abusers dont WORRY if they are being abusive.

real woman haters dont WORRY they are becoming a woman hater.

i dont LIKE women though and i am very fine with that. i just dont want to be A Woman Hater, automatically hating all women.

well why would you LIKE ANYONE automatically? thats stupid.

women just signal their unlikeability much more immediately than men. cuz they spread their legs and play russian roulette with their womb so easily! have a reckless disregard for Human Life in a way that men just dont.

im not perfect and i am working to improve myself. but its hard and long. long hard road out of hell.

women could improve a lot in my eyes just by shutting their damn legs. HOW HARD IS THAT? WAIT TO HAVE SECS WITH A GUY. MAKE HIM WAIT. MAKE YOURSELF WAIT. never have secs with a guy before knowing him for at least 6 months. respect the power of your womb to create HUMAN LIFE. simply never have secs outside of a committed, monogamous, long term relationship.

Good Decent Traditional women already abide by this. that is the kind of woman i want. i thought i found one. and she was kind of traditional in the fact that she wasnt a fast, easy, high number whore.

but she still dumped me and she did it in the worst possible way, that a virtuous woman really should know better.

YOU SEEM TO HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH A BALLLESS BETA B1TCHBOI

105

it has been 83 days since i was horribly dumped and i guess i feel better than i did at the beginning, i mean dat feel when you wake up and it takes a few moments to realize your life is ruined is horrifying! now you know it right away and it isnt nearly as scary.

a SHIT TEST? is that all this was was a goddam crummy lousy bullshit shit test?  because women can give shit tests without knowing it?

going back to that ridic stefan vidya on polyamory, promiscuity, he basically seems to be optimistic that the couple can figure this out with some serious you guessed it communication.

i mean i would guess she dumps him very soon. be nice to see a Follow Up in 6 months.

anyway he said, well if she values EMPATHY and COMPASSION, the fact that he is unhappy and miserable about her fooking other guys, should make her say, hey the guy i luv is very unhappy about this, i dont like making him unhappy, im gonna take his feelings into consideration, and not do this, because his feelings are important to me. its more important that he’s happy than i leave the door open for random dick.

well it was apparently not important to The Woman that I was made happy by talking or hanging out with her! she didnt care that i was miserable!

also the idea that it was a “subconscious shit test” again takes away any responsibility from her, and again puts the blame 100% on me. oh if i had just passed the shit test, its all my fault. i cannot have that way of thinking!

i dont think we SHOULD treat women like Bratty Children. we CAN treat women like immature adults. even if the man is supposed to Lead and be Masculine, doesn’t mean he totally Dominates or Enslaves his woman. she still has free will.

well, ideally. but obviously the Average woman IS an immature child where if you dont want them to destroy your life, you MUST dominate them!!!!

dominate them or else they’ll destroy you. sounds great!

so yeah i dont want to get hung up on this shit test idea. besides i didnt think you got shit tests until after you banged the gurl. well if its a decent woman who doesnt bang every guy she knows. and she was a decent women wawawawawawaawawa.  so therefore she is entitled to give me shit tests before i bang, or even date her?

no need to overcomplicate this, over think it, go to Occam’s razor, she simply did not want to Date me, that much is obvious.

YOU MUST HAVE ME CONFUSED WITH SOMEONE WHO TAKES SHIT. Stop being shitty and make me a sammich hahahaha.

you either hang out with me and show me you still care about me, or we’re done. officially.

then i would have dumped her before she could dump me hahahaha.

but i was too in luv, too invested, to be able to do that.

thats why you have these discussions early, before you fall too deep in luv.

damn.

so after a few months, i was fully in the throes, and very emotionally compromised,and put her on a huge pedestal, which is what luv is, so dont hate the pedestal, hate the pvssy hahahaha.  no luv grows like a fungus, fairly quickly, and if you avoid talking about it, it turns bad.

hahaha funny. looks like i avoided talking about something important too. then it became too important for me to avoid. but she wanted to keep avoiding it.

so i should have put the foot down and said we’re not gonna avoid this any more. THIS ENDS NOW. I have feelings for you, thats why things have been so weird. i know it’s a bad time for you. sorry but thats how feelings work. they happen at weird times. take it or leave it.

and then she would leave it and i would have been spared some time and pain.

ok fine i applied for this goddamn job pool thing which closed today at 11:59 hahahaha. really half assed it. only did jobs going back 10 years, did not put name of supervisor or anything that wasnt asterisked. but i lied and said i applied for it earlier, and really it is an ok idea to apply, so i applied for it.

///////////////

LETTER: ok. this is obviously an unsent letter. if you were to send it, you would take all the harsh mean stuff and say everything in a nice way.  and thats exactly what i did with the letters. you start off being honest, totally honest, then go back and smooth it over in a way that you could actually say to a person. remove the anger and the accusations. thats what i did!!!! owned my feelings, tried to use I statements and minimze You statements.

i will not do that here, this will be more raw.

OK. so i was very mad and upset at how this ended up. i thought you cared for me. i realize you dont like like me, but damn please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage. so i was weak and pushy and annoying. i still dont think that cancels out everything we had before. so you didnt share my feelings. you really didnt have to dump me in the most hurtful way possible. that really hurt me. it didnt have to hurt so much. i wish you had just talked to me and told me. i wish you had responded to any of my 4 emails. the first one would have been a good opportunity. do you understand how this was painful to me? have you ever had strong feelings for someone but they refused to talk to you? what happened when you tried to bury these feelings deep and pretend they werent there? have you ever gotten feeligns for someone who was a friend for 2 years? probably not. but it is no fun when you cant talk to the person, and they are pulling away from you. you begin to blame yourself for absolutely everything, it eats away at you, well at least thats how i felt. my confidence and strength was destroyed. so im sorry i wasnt very strong or courageous about it all. as all this went on for month and motnhs with no resolution or no communication, it ate away at me.

so thats why i was annoying. but i dont think me being annoying was being ABUSIVE. i was just upset and worried and anxious and wanted to talk, but i was not getting the chance to talk. however i just couldnt bury or extinguish my desire to talk, because my desire to talk was because of the feelings i had for you, and i couldnt extinguish those.

it hurts to get the silent treatment from someone you care about, whether you have special feelings or just friendly feelings. i felt like i was getting shut out of your life and i didnt want that. i wanted to be a part of your life and you to be a part of mine. it hurt so much to get that rejected. i hope you can understand this. thats why i was so pushy to communicate, and thats why i was so utterly devasted when you stopped talking to me.

yeah i should have been stronger and just sucked it up and keep calm and carry on. maybe if this had all happened a few months earlier i could have. but by that time it had been eating away at me for too long, and i was ery emotionally and mentally compromised by the stress, of having something important to talk to you about, and not being able to do it.

yeah i should have just said something months earlier. that is one of my biggest regrets. as well as not asking you directly about your new BF last year, or asking you about your feelings towards me, or talking about my feelings towards you, or telling you the instant i started changing in october, like hmmm i think things are changing right now.  i was too cowardly to talk about those feelings. i learned that the price of NOT talking about them, is too great to avoid. that is, its best to talk about them sooner than later. it will be awkward but the short term awkwardness is worth it, to get past any long term conflicts, and get everything out in the open as soon as possible, so everyone is open and honest at all times.

i could feel you becoming gradually more distant and this hurt me too, to have someone who was once my friend, not want to be my friend any more, not want to talk to me any more, not care about me any more.  yeah our friendship would have to change or end because of my feelings, but that doesnt mean you can totally disrespect the other person and treat them like garbage. i know you didnt intentionally do this, but i felt like i was being treated like garbage, like just an annoyance that should disappear forever. this is a terrible feeling!!! it is very shattering to my self confidence to get that from someone who once was so nice to me. to be held in high regard, then held in low regard, by someone that i still cared about greatly. this was heartbreaking to me.

was this all because of a “shit test”? were you just testing me? why the fook couldnt we just talk like two adults? because i was not an adult? i was the bad guy? i just wanted to talk to you and make the best of a very bad situation!!!!! you made the situation 100000 times worse! i wanted to put water on the fire. you threw gasoline on it!!!!

im not accusing you. thats just what it looks and feels like to me.  and i am heartbroken and devastated.  i worry about my ability to connect with women in the future. are all women like this?

i want to forgive you because that means i will have let go. i am still angry though. i forgive you partially right now, because you probably didnt know what you were doing, much like me. lots of not clear thinking. you didnt MEAN To hurt me this much. but the situation still hurt me and i believe you could have done more to treat me more kindly and i would hurt LESS. so i am still a little angry and i am not through forgiving you. forgiveness is a process which takes time. it will be a while before i can let go of ALL the anger. but i hope to get there someday.

best wishes to you. but i still want you back and cant let you go entirely right now. this shocking heartbreak will take a long time to get over. at least 6 months, if not a whole year. my feelings for you were real. they were not simple lust or infatuation. they were built on knowing you and being your friend and trusting you for 2 years. that is a pretty big deal. and ending something that significant and substantial should be done in more respectful of a manner than just throwing the person away like garbage.

i dont think i was so shitty that you couldnt even write me an email or facebook message. just say sorry but i cant do this anymore, have a good life, things were good once but i am done. just say that for gods sake. i didnt deserve one simple but powerful sentence because i was weird and pushy?

relationship experts agree that dumping somebody with no communication is the worst, most painful way to end a relationship. it is only justified if the person has been abusing you. i may have been annoying you, but i was not ABUSING you. you ignoring and avoiding me and giving me the silent treatment and stonewalling, was closer to Emotional Abuse, than was me, pushing you to talk. i was only pushing you out of a positive kind caring feeling. that feeling is by definition totally absent when you avoid and freeze somebody out. you cant freeze somebody out out of love. or if you are, at least TELL them. tell them what you are doing.  this has been the most frustrating and painful experience ive faced in years. in a way this feels worse than a loved one dying. becuase i know that they loved me and didnt choose to die. here i feel like you are rubbing salt in the wound, that you REALLY dont care about me at ALL any more and you’re gonna prove it to me.

and i dont even think thats true! i think you still care about me a LITTLE, more than what this action is saying.

also i know you are a better person than to do something this cruel, which makes it all the more shocking and frustrating and painful.

but yeah i will forgive you and stop being angry at you in 6 to 12 months. i just wished you hadnt been so harsh.

how could you hate me that much? this seems like a vengeance thing that you do only to people who have really wronged you, abused you, betrayed you. i dont think i did any of those things, at least not to this extent! im sorry i didnt respect your boundaries but i dont think you respected my boundaries either.

i just cant beleive you hated me that much or had lost that much respect or caring for me. did our time together mean anything to you? how long did you hate me? when did you start “packing your bags?” for me it started to get too much around february. i should have just told you everything by then rather than dragging it out till july.

but yeah i feel terribly rejected and heartbroken.

i wasnt perfect but i dont think i was THAT BAD to be treated like this. no one deserves to be treated like this. i know you are a kind person. you used to be kind to me. how could you be so unkind to me? it already hurts to end an important relationship.

its natural and normal for relationships to end when one person gets feelings but it can be done in a respectful and compassionate and kind way that shows you care about the well-being of the person, and dont think they’re garbage just for getting feelings for you. nobody is garbage for getting feelings.

this was an important relationship for me. i know at one time it was for you too. i cant believe you wouldnt try to end it in more of a friendly manner.

i know you didnt intend to hurt me so much and part of the hurt you cannot control, because you cannot control what kind of feelings you have about me, meaning i would be disappointed if you couldnt have feelings for me, but that is no ones fault. it is in your power though, to appraoch this situation in a more friendly manner so that there are not hard feelings. i dont want to end this in this way, and you still have the power to end this in a less painful way. just tell me that you dont hate me, that our friendship was important.

this is such a disappointing end to to such a beautiful friendship. we started to have some trouble in the last few months but that doesn’t mean it has to end this way. lets share our feelings and thoughts with each other and give each other respect.

so i screwed up. so i kept saying lets hang out instead of let’s TALK. i cant really say it was obvious that i wanted to talk about something. I just don’t know how obvious it was. i should have said more directly that i wanted to talk about something important to me. in the meantime i tried to send different sorts of signals to you, to indicate that i had new feelings. thats why i was texting you more than i had before and acting different in general.

i know women dont respect weak and unconfident men. this is the absolute worst thing you can be to a woman, they will respect you less than someone who hurts them directly, like a cheater or a deadbeat. but honestly. im not just some random unconfident guy. you know i can be more confident. i am just going through a phase right now. its part of being human. we all have our ups and downs. i will get through this, it just takes time, and i would appreciate your support, rather than the contemptuous condemnation i feel i am getting.

i know you have been abandoned by people in your life. you know how bad it hurts then. please dont do that to me. dont make me remember YOU as an abandoner, because i know you’re a better person than that.

we can totally end our relationship and never have to talk to each other again. but i feel like you are treating me like i am a horrible person. i am really not a horrible person, not for liking you, and not for being awkward about telling you.

it is devastating to feel abandoned by someone you cared greatly for. who you wanted to be in your future. well obviously you didnt want to be in my future but when one person rejects another person its inherently painful. one does not need to add any more pain to it, unless they absoultely hate the other person and want them to suffer. i cant believe you’d want to make me suffer, when we had been good friends for 2 years.

this is killing me. i will never give up on love and i will always risk heartbreak to get it. but this didnt have to end this badly. i came to you with a spirit of cooperation and oppenness. i feel you were avoiding me, with a spirit of closed-ness. there was no way an open person can cooperate or communicate with a closed person.

its okay to have time and space and distance and to end our relationship, but please communicate about things like this, or you risk hurting someone deeply. communication is VERY VERY VERY important.

if i were doing something to make you this mad and hateful at me, i wish you would have told me or even argued or screamed or fought with me. that would tell me that you cared enough about me and the relationship to confront me about it and do something about it. i would have done my best to stop hurting you.

but you also cant expect me just to stay away from you forever. that is not reasonable. me wanting to talk to you, and even hang out with you once in a while, is reasonable. i did try to give you some time and space. but i couldnt do that forever. you were my friend and i wanted to see you and spend time with you. i dont think that is unreasonable for friends to expect of each other. if you wanted more time and space, you have to communicate about it. i could have given you more time and space if you told me more or communicated with me more or met with me just to talk about what was bothering you.

so women are supposed to hate weak men even more than they hate an abuser or an abandoner. supposedly women hate a weak “nice guy” worse than they hate a violent, dominating, cheating, monster. because at least that guy is strong and masculine. i can understand this to an extent but only to an extent. does it always have to be that way? do all women have to be like that? i was a weak nice guy, did you have to hate me THAT much? I never abused you. i never really HURT you other than being weak and annoying, which is a much lesser kind of “hurt” than cheating, violence, abuse, betrayal.

did you have to hate me that much?

maybe you didnt hate me. i think you were just overwhemled and wanted to avoid dealing with a tough situation, pretend none of this existed.

thats valid but god damn did it hurt me. the problem with that is that you can pretend none of this exists, but thats really hurtful to me to be on the receiving end of that. to be the one pretended like they don’t exist. when the one doing that pretending is someone he once thought of as a good friend. and they thought of him as a good friend too.

you told me i was a good friend. i wish you told me that you wanted to stop being friends.

i wish i could have just presented my feelings to you, and have you say “sorry but no thanks i cant do that, but i dont hate you for it.”

i wouldnt have hated you if you got feelings for me. in fact long ago i thought you might have. im sorry i was too scared to mention anything. i shoudl have asked you straight up. but i didnt want to interfere or break up your relationship. it was only after your rel ended that i started to think about you differently. if you started really acting you like you liked me i might have said something. but i wouldnt avoid you. i would want to resolve the issue by talking about it.

if you even could have responsed to email1 or any of the emails, that would have been a lot better. that would have felt like we were having a discussion about our relationship.

even if my feelings were one sided, the communication surround the end of the relationship did not have to be one sided.

i know you know abotu the importance of karma. its just really bad karma. i know youre not a bad person, but this is a really shitty thing to do. getting used to doing things like this is how a good person becomes less good. you dont need to hurt your karma by doing this. you’re better than this. youre a good person. dont do something really shitty to ME, who was once your friend, who still cares about you. i dont want to remember you with bitterness.

and i will forgive you one day, it will just take a little longer. but it really sucks that it had to end this way. this could have been a lot less painful. there could have been better karma. this is terrible for my confidence. i have experienced a lot of failure and rejection in my life and it doesnt get any easier. it has led to depression and anxiety which is partially why i have not developed very much in my life for my age. i am tired of failing, scared of failing again, tired of trying even, when everything ends up in failure. its been like that with school, work, and relationships especially. im tired of trying, and ive lost my ambition. i will never give up on having a good relationship though, because thats more important to me than school or career. i can live with a mediocre job. but i would not want to have a mediocre relationship. i would rather be alone. but i am tired of being alone. i would rather have a good relationship with a good person than be alone all my life. you are a good person and i thought you were the one for me. obviously i am not the person for you at ALL.

you can reject my feelings but dont reject me as a person in such a harsh, mean way.

 

///////////end letter for now hahahaha

heh 83 days later and i briefly went back into muh facebook and she is STILL blocking me. good lord.

well maybe she can’t unblock me when i have my account deactivated, which i do 99.999999999% of the time!

i think this is the case.

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110420173417AArmSHq

well according to this at least. yes. you do have to have an active facebook, for them to unblock you. hehehehe maybe she wanted to unblock me, but couldnt beccause i wasnt even there!!!!!

shit.

anyway facebook clearly sucks so i am glad i only reactivated it for 30 minutes or so. then deactivated it. i did NOT look at the damn messages i we exchanged back in the day.

i dont even know why. well thats a lie. i wanted to see if she was still blocking me.

but it looks like she cant UNBLOCK me if i am not ACTIVE. so yeah she always will be blocking me as long as i am not active!!!

well she has my email and phone number if she really is desperate to get hold of me!!!!!!!

damn.

of course she doesnt WANT to get ahold of me…..or else she WOULD have.

but i cant say she’s “still holding a grudge because she hasnt unblocked me” because i dont think she COULD unblock me even if she wanted!

fooooook.

20151005141730

maybe she wanted to unblock me but couldnt. i looked at some co workers but i did not look at any of her family members or people where she would be SUPER likely to post. but rather people where she might post. i know im blocked because i cannot find her in my search box. no i did not want to use the direct url of her FB page. its horrible that i remember what it is!!!!!!

well i also wanted to see if anybody had sent me any messages. i dont know if they even CAN if you are deact. i didnt see any messages. im still not sure if they can.

hehehe because i thought she might have unblocked me and sent me a Reconciliation message, was my hope hahahaha.  so obviously i am not nearly over this.

hehehe it looks like people are working a lot of overtime at muh job. 30 hours a week of overtime alone hahaha. ie 70 hours a week. this is what they do.  i guess its better to pay many people 30 hours of overtime than to hire them full time? but couldnt they just put them on salary and make them work overtime for free?

heh. i just dont understand it. wouldnt it be cheaper to do that? or to hire more people so they wouldnt have to give overtime?

i wonder how much overtime she is working.

whenever there was an opportunity for overtime, i would say NO THANK YOU. overtime was time and a half, ie a pretty good rate, yet i was never willing to work EVEN ONE HOUR of overtime, was how much i hated it hahahaha. i am not answering phones and dealing with ridiculous shit for even ONE HOUR of 30 dollars an hour pay hahahaha. no it wasnt THAT much hahahahaha. but it was still high.

the only time i ever worked overtime was when it was absolutely mandatory and they gave you no choice.

that is a great measure of how much do you hate a job. do you AVOID taking overtime at every opportunity?

that was really the only way i was a “bad” employee, is that i was never THIRSTY for overtime. plenty of people are, because they have Huge Debts and Kids and are one paycheck away from the Streets.

THERE, BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD, GO I.

other than that i was a pretty good Employee. like actually smart. smarter than her hahahaha.

hahahaha wawawawawawaw i want Cuddles. I really wanted Cuddles with the woman. i have not have Cuddles in….since….shit 2005 sometime? about maybe may or june 2005 i cuddled with woman3 and maybe woman2, and that was it son. no cuddles for 10 years!

hahahaha no no Sex either. i thouht you had to cuddle to have secs.

no you really dont. bitches these days. maybe 10 years ago the raw hedonism of sex went along naturally with the tender warmth of cuddling. but not in 2015! they have been cleaved in twain!

very strange that women can take the emotion out of it. perhaps the most naturally emotional thing, and the most emotional people, can suck all the emotion out of this thing?

i dont believe it.

that’s why these open rels and promiscuity and casual sex are such clusterfooks!!!! people say they arent, but they really ARE, and they KNOW it, and deep down, they dont WANT it.

but people can FORGET their human natures, such that when they feel rumbles of it, they are confused, or they want to supress these unnatural, violent, Oppressive urges.

anyway i like cuddles! even more than sechs! you cant get diseases or have to have abortionz from cuddles! god damn!

are All Women Emotionally ABUSIVE? what she did was well not evil per se, but SHITTY. it wasnt as bad as cheating, but it was still bad. shitty. and arguably Silent Treatment over the long-term is Manipulative and Emotionally/Psychologically Abusive.

well she wasnt giving me silent treatment over long term, but she was avoiding me over long term. then when the silent treatment kicked in, i went apeshit. that was it. i was done hahahaha. she was done too. well i didnt want to be done with her, but i was done with that situation.

my job made me anxious and she made me anxious. they both made me quite anxious. each made the other worse. i might have been able to handle HER if the job were less anxious. but yeah both shitty things at the same time blasting me in the face. no good. couldnt handle it any more.

yeah i kinda like writing that letter. it has led to more writing hahahaha. i still have things that i want to say TO HER, but i CANT, so writing it To Her is the next best thing.

 

THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

aug 19

yeah buddy. building up a backlog here but i kind of want to.

i think i have finally made a little progress, feel like i i have improved about 5 to 10 percent over one month. therefore, 100% over ten months! we can do that.

so what do you do when you get feelings for a friend, and you know its bad timing for them, becuase you know they got their heart broke by some guy recently, and they are still getting over that?

well you tell them just that during your Timely, one on one heart to heart. you say

“i know this is bad timing because of what you’re going through. i agree it’s bad timing. but i couldn’t help it. it just happened. maybe you could get back to me if you ever want to try dating me, once you get over him. ok done.”

i think this would be better than biding your time. cuz i bided my time and shit just got worse and worse and then blew up horribly!

i wish i had told her months earlier. and then i would have to say something like that. but she wouldnt LET me talk to her in person. this was definitely a bad move on her part.

so i should have written an email saying yeah this is how it is. i know you could never return my feelings especially right now. but, if like in six months, when things are better, you think, hey maybe, then contact me.

i mean a woman would have to REALLY love you to contact YOU after a long break, when she can find 900000000 different interesting handsome charming so easily, in abundant supply!

and if there are so many charming handsome successful men, how come you cant be one of them??

maybe before you have you heart to heart intervention talk, you can write and print out what you want to say like they do on intervention. i dunno. i just want to make sure you dont forget to say anythhing important.

ideally the other person would Consent To Talk several times, until both sides say everything they want. but life aint fair ni99a, you dont always get such justice as to get a Fair, Good, Rejection! sometimes you get a bad bitter Rejection! and i cant even imagine these normalfags that DONT constantly get rejected, and go out with a grill in a Long Term Relationship! To me and us, it is like a fooking UNICORN, but it is SUCH a common thing among normies!!!!

i guess you could say, well i’ll check in with you every three months to see if you might have gotten feels for me by then. but that sounds really desperate.

but people GET desperate sometimes! It sucks for them but i don’t think it makes them bad! i dont think you should be rejected strictly for being desperate in other words.

so you don’t SAY it, but you DO it anyway?checking in with them.

but that means that you still Want them.

of COURSE you STILL WANT THEM, that’s what LOVE IS.

Well, that’s what Love Is, when it has not run its course for you, when, for you, its ended prematurely. when it ended before it began. so in this case, which is the only thing i’ve ever known with 6 women, the love never really goes away, it can always be rekindled.

i guess if you had MUTUAL, two sided, reciprocated luv, and then you DATED the person for like a year, and said i luv you, and spent many nights together, and spent a lot of time together, then maybe eventually the relationship could “run its course”, you could decided to get out of it, you were all loved out and all your love was gone. and then it would end, and then you could never see yourself rekindling it.

but WHAT IF the OTHER person ended it before you were “READY”?

i guess my point is, when the other person ends it before you were ready for it to end, whether you have gone out for a year, or you have NEVER gone out, then there is that sense of you being the Loser in this war, and you will always on some level PINE for them, and would always be willing to take them back. well, for like the first 10 months at least, before you fully get over them. but yeah nothing will change that you were still loving them, and they just pulled the rug out from underneath YOU.

YOU didnt pull the rug out from underneath THEM! you’re the one getting MORE HURT! you are on the losing end muh friend.

so thats me, thats the only way its ever been with the women. been in luv 6 times (maybe 8 hahahah), been on the losing end 6 times. 6 for 6 hahahahaha.

so take benadryl every 3 days to get your mind off the woman.

aug 20

well slept like shit again last night, and trying to be visible as much as possible to make the fam happy, and i owe it to them to make them happy, i want to make them happy! do not want them to worry, they have worried enough, i have been ridiculous enough.

what else. my biggest regret was that me and the woman hung out this one time in july 2014 and it would have been the perfect moment to Make A Move on her, walking in a quiet peaceful beautiful section of the park. i started to feel nervous right then and there because i was like oh god if i liked her i would want to make out with her right now; and if she likes me, she would want me to make a move on her right now. but since my feels were very very uncertain, and i felt it would be weird and forced and i didnt really WANT to at that time, i did nothing. of course i cant even say if she would have really taken kindly to it, but i could have saved a year of my life hahahaha. and at that time, not only were we on speaking terms, but darn good terms, so she could have rejected me in a Good way!

we had a nice time but i made up some excuse that i had to go later, rather than hanging out the rest of the night with her, because i didnt want to “send her the wrong signal.”

and then we hung out again in august 2014 and i had been thinking about things a little more. we went to dinner and i said what are you doing tonight and i think suggested hanging out, i was more open to that. and then at that time she was busy.

anyway i felt that Doing Stuff with her would be Weird, but looking at it Logically, why would it be weird at all? It was weird that I THOUGHT it was weird! because she was young, she was not ugly, we got along great, the only thing was that I was Just Not Ready. I guess the timing for me wasnt quite right. it was just a little off for me.

and the lesson learned is, if you find yourself in a likewise situation, just try to make out with the gurl, even if you dont quite feel it, IF you have every logical reason to date a nice gurl like this, and you can’t figure out WHY you don’t quite like like her yet. just go ahead and make out with her, if she is nice, young, not ugly, not fat, not stumpy, not degenerate, just fookin go for it even if you’re not quite ready and you think it would be a little weird. in a few months you will probably no longer think its weird and will be very glad you did!

heh i should write her another email saying, my biggest regret was that i didnt make a move on you in july 2014, even though i wasnt quite ready yet, i should have done it anyway.

who cares if it would be weird. it horribly weird anyway. it got weirder than it would have been if i made out with her then. at worst she would have been like sorry but i dont like you like that, at best we would have gotten together and lived happily ever after.

50 years ago you could just get a job and work and live. it didnt take 8 hours just to APPLY for a job where you would not even get an interview anyway. you could more easily work and live and find a mate.

damn. yep this female friend of mine was JUST the kind of woman men who use Mail Order Bride services wish they could find in the US: not promiscuous, not super crazy, gentle, kind, low number, had not been used up too much, not a lot of miles on the odometer, only one long term rel and that’s basically it, family oriented, decent values, not narcissistic or borderline or hysterical or the other one. histrionic? not a sociopath or psychopath. still in mid twenties. well proportioned, not ugly, didnt dress like a whore. real good wife material in other words. and because there is such a shortage of women like this in the US because the west is becoming a Decadent Babylon, men look for more Traditional Women in other countries and mail order them. i cant blame them, but i would be hesitant to do it. it just seems like too much, and also potential for scamming too great. i wish you could just find a wife material wife in the US. of course, so do they.

and i found one, but god damn she wants nothing to do with me. i luv her and she doesnt even like me.

and yeah it is much harder when a decent woman rejects you, vs a decadent whore.

basically i found two decent women in 7 years, that’s not too bad. woman2012 was a decent wife quality woman too. and i say 7 years because i first met her in 2008, but i did not develop feels RIGHT away believe it or not. it was not as delayed, like the two years for woman2015, but it was better than right away. took maybe 3 to 6 months to realize actual feels there.

which is another reason why its insane for women to have secs after 3 dates or any time before 6 months. you cant even tell if you really LIKE a person before 6 months. it takes TIME and they force things thru, especially secs, way too goddamn fast. its disgusting and discouraging and degenerate and Forgive Them Father For They Know Not What They Do, but the damage is still done and I am quite turned off.

well already went for 2.5 mile walkjog today. did that pretty early on, before writing. tried new route. i like going in as much of a circle as i can, and seeing as much as i can. not running around in 25 little .1 mile circles over and over agian. or going 1.25 miles one way and then turning around and going the same way back. first world problems but thats just my preference.

watched this program where this guy said he “ran 40 miles a week”. that is 5 to 6 miles a day every day. i guess its not really extreme. i could do maybe 6 miles a day for 4 or 5 days a week. that is 24 to 30 miles. but its not all “RUNNING.” it is 30-40% Jogging and 70 to 60% walking. and when i do jog, it is very ungraceful and not very fast. it is Slow, Belabored Jogging.

Well i have lost 10 pounds in about the past 2 months. i suspect half of it was due to me working a little bit and being so anxious on edge that i couldnt and didnt eat. too stressed and dazed and confused to eat. then a little while after that i got most of my appetite back, and by that time, i was exercising quite a bit more, and doing more Jogging. I have not done this much jogging in YEARS, and perhaps never this consistently. so that’s GOOD.

what if she came back and just wanted to Talk Again sometime?

Because i would not be able to pretend like my feelings had gone away. because they will never go away. i could not just pretend to be just friends with her.

i would HAVE to address the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM and be like yeah we have to talk about that crazy shit that happened; and we have to talk about the stuff that i wanted to talk about but we never did; we still need to do all that. because i might be able to upgrade the feels from just friends to more than friends, but i am not optimistic about downgrading them back down to just friends again. i will always have feelings for you. i have feelings for you right now. nothing major, basically im just madly in luv with you, want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you hahahaha.

ok THAT you should not say. kinda downplay the ridiculous crazy seriousness of the feelings, and just be like. i dunno i just have a crush on you, i still have feelings, obviously these feelings caused issues in the past, so we need to talk about that head on, and i still have the feelings, basically i would like to try dating you because i think you’d be a good match for me. IF you had any interest in that.

also some make up secs right now would not be a bad start hahahahahahahaha. or at least a make up make out, where we passionately make out and you cry and say im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry for being a b to you. kind of like all those times before where I said im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry for being weird and pushy to you.

but maybe i would get what i want if i just Played It Cool for a while, pretended like i didnt have feelings, got us back to hanging out again, then basically get her into the park again, or a private moment at her house where we are sitting next to each other watching tv or something, and then put on the moves. after playing it cool. the ends justify the means. jeremy benthams means ends system hahahahaha.

i am not above lying, deception, and manipulation. but i just dont think i could pull it off there. id still want to address the elephant in the room and Make Up first.

why cant you just be honest and just be yourself hahahahaha. always making up stories and bullshitting and manipulation.

i mean some lies are worse than others of course. and i will tell lies when they are pretty white lies or just being courteous.

damn. getting a decent upper working class job is harder than getting into HARVARD. I never knew it would be like this. nobody told me. they never prepared me for this in skool hahhahaaha.

like this police service aide job which starts out at 40k a year, thats like 20k an hour, well less because of the mandatory OT.  lets estimate 47 to 50 hours a week. but you have to take 911 calls, have Full Psychological Test. at 50 hours a week that shakes out to more like 16 dollars an hour. which was not much more than i was making at my horrible job hahahahaha. and this police job would be abotu 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 times harder to get. plus i determined that i would NEVER want to take 911 calls. emergency dispatch. come on. god bless those people. that takes nerves which i do not have. and you think i would pass their damn Psych Test?

fook. i had a good looking young never married no kids woman, low number of partners, WAY below average, family oriented, almost antisocial, NEVER liked partying or going to clubs or bars or drinking or partying, and she accepted me for who i was, and we USED to have a good connection, perfect wife material, and now shes gone forever. worst heartbreak of my life bar none. it will be a miracle if i ever get over this. this one is gonna damage me permanently and just make me a weakass shell of a man, even more pathetic than i was before.  damn.

ok obviously time for a 2.9 mile walkjog hahahaha.