YOUR BEST IS WORSE THAN THEIR WORST

march 28

well my new gambling strategy is to bet by .20 chips (big blind is .10)  rather than bet half the pot, especially if betting half the pot is liable to scare people away, and i would like to make SOME money off a decent hand and a decent flop, make like .10 an hour after paying the blinds, hehehehe.

that is another bad feel, that your best is never good enough, that your best is worse than their WORST, that your best is worse than Bare Minimum For Surviving In Life. Of course your Best is compromised by your no energy and your unwillingness to try and work hard, and by half-4ssing everything, hehehehe.

getting a Young QT to have S with you as positive reinforcement every time you Try to Work Hard WOULD be an IDEAL motivator, but obviously hard to Win/Earn that Motivator, being a Fat Old Lazy Loser Omega Male! Well no sh1t, a young QT having S with you would SOLVE EVERYTHING!!!! hehehehe.

Gregorian chant is very calming and relaxing, even moreso than Classical Music. Any kind of unaccompanied church chant. I am also looking to get into Russian Orthodox Church Chants. Similar but the language is “old church slavonic” or russian, not latin, and I like to think it is “darker” somehow. heh.

i am in a real r9k/v9k sort of feel, but I REFUSE to look at those websites. instead I will listen to Chantz, play Two Tables of Poker, try to make some money this hour. I have started to identify Frequent Mistakes that are losing me money. I can beat these f4gg0ts, hehehehe.

gun control gun control more guns more guns dem gummint and socialists and muzzies and obummer cant pry mah gunz outta mah cold dead hands hehehehe. no I love guns and fully support the second amendment and think gun control types are the stupidest weakest lamest f4gg0ts who can take their f4gg0ts phds and shove them up their middle class f4g 4sses. f00k middle class leftist f4gg0ts who hate gunz. although not all middle class are leftists, there are plenty of middle class rightists as well. and those successful f4gg0ts can s my d and gimme a J, hahahahaha.

like the crazy autists who shoot up skools are getting their guns through legal means, or not carefully preselecting gun free zones to do their shootings.

and maybe they just wanted to pwn some f4gg0tz, hahahahahaha. oh they pwnt them allright!

the entire purpose of Education Itself should be like Boot Camp preparing you for the War of Work. F00k theory and book learning. Moar INterviews and INternships and stuff like that should be built in, day to day work and communicating with f4gg0ts. stuff you will actually be doing On The Job.

And even if you get a C GPA in a Useful STEM degree, that should be enough to get you a job. or how about, the skool doesn’t even LET you graduate UNTIL you find a Job! Homeschool Univ Of UFMLL would do that.

should you marry and have children with a woman you get along with, but are not S’ually Attracted to at all? Maybe, if you get along REALLY WELL, she shares your rightist homeschool values, AND she lets you bang young cuties on the side. just make sure she knows that.

so then should she be allowed to bang big strapping alpha men on the side? no. men and women are very different.

Get another wife to keep the first wife in line. Amazing the trouble you have to go thru to have a mother for your children. but that is the ultimate benefit, and the main reason to dealing with women.

but isn’t it better to be a single dad and have No Mother to your children, than a Bad Mother of your Children. Yes, Absolutely! But Ideally you would have a Good MOther Of your Children.

So if a woman starts out good, but goes bad, kick her the f out!! easy solution.

media keeps saying that physical therapy is a great career that you only need an associates degree for, however i’ve seen rumblings from the associates degree people that you really need a bachelors degree or higher. and of course doctorate would be ideal. i will never understand people who get doctorates. which is unfortunate, i wish i COULD get a doctorate, then I would have a lot easier time getting a decent job, and indeed I’ve had lots of contact with The Middle Class, and people who ARE getting/gotten doctorates, which made me think it was The Ideal Way for me to go to, but I hate f00king college and skool and reading and papers and tuition and etc. just not worth the cost.

what, getting a Good Job is not worth the cost? that should be worth ANY cost!

then I bring up my excuse of, well, I’m obviously just not a College MInded person: I hate studying, I hate the concept of college, I hate college, etc, so obviously MOAR COLLEGE is the obvious wrong idea for a COLLEGE HATER like me.

So do I find a way to Quash Muh Irrational Phobia Of College…….or do I find another way?

I have wasted like 10 years trying to find another way!

but I have been half-4ssing on that. I also took some college in that time, but that was half-4ssed as well. I half-4ss EVERYTHING EVER, THAT is the main problem. so how to fix THAT?

By not half-assing stuff any more! Pick a thing and complete it without half-assing!

 

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HOW TO GET YOUR SWEET FIRST OUT OF COLLEGE FULL TIME ENTRY LEVEL CAREER JOB & MATE WITH 8’S

mon oct 7 854am

so the other day I was offering in-depth and expert customer service to a very very QT who was closer to 21 than to 18, a total perfect 8, hahahaha, and for the first time in a long time I was kicking myself viciously for not being flirtatious with her, or being more masculine with her, or simply Asking Her Out To Dinner Right Then And There. Now you say this is very unprofessional to do with customers, but I can assure you I would keep it all rather professional. Being professionally masculine, nothing inappropriate. Because By God she could have SOMF all day long. I was just so un-used to having such a Golden Opportunity that I didn’t even recognize it as an opportunity until it was too late. So if I ever see her again, I will try to right this wrong.

This was Natural Attraction At It’s Finest – it actually makes you WANT to put in the EFFORT.

Job Search Practical Tip: Your EmployerGod WANTS you to copy and paste from the job description into yer ResCL. It shows them you READ the job description. use the exact same action words (verbs) and buzzwords. And know that “Client Relations” is the EXACT SAME THING as “Customer Service.” Look for other 100% Equivalencies like that. “b-b-b-b-but it’s NOT the exact same! There are important differences!” No there’s not. How are you ever going to make $12 an hour with a Loser Attitude like that! How are you ever going to Mate With 8’s?

you know its time to buy new shoes when they still smell after spraying them with lysol every day, and not only are the soles all worn down, but now there is a sizeable hole in the sole and if you step in water your sock gets all wet. really reaching the end here. And it really doesn’t reflect well on you. People DO look at your shoes. Not that it matters what people think of you….. but yes it DOES matter if people think you’re a Lazy Neet Bum, AND you don’t want to Send The Signal of you being a Lazy neet Loser, when that’s exactly the image of you you’re trying to eradicate. So don’t send that signal.

Insurance Premiums. Health Insurance Costs To Be Brunted By The Employer. Obviously a 40 Year Old is going to have manny more Medical Needs than a 21 year old fresh outta Uni, who will be healthy as f00k and will continue partying throughout Grad Skool and Career, probably until 25 or even 29 if they push it. Because they are invincible, picture of perfect health, etc.

So employerz say, the 30 year old will be costing us a lot more re Health Insurance than the 21 year old, so let’s hire the 21 year old every time, because if we hire 30+’s, we will go bankrupt.

Heh. I am not sure how Health Insurance works for Companies, so maybe it’s less risky for them to hire older people as this grim picture I have painted. Heh. I have never held the power to interview and hire people, or Administer Benefits. I just know that 30 and 40 year olds Incur a lot more Medical Costs than 21 year olds: Diabetis, Heart Disease, Cancer, Cholesterol, Hypertension, Hardening of the Arteries, Cancer, Kidneys, Bad Back, Chronic Pain, Gout, Obesity, etc.

tues oct 8, 1.11pm

well, I should be doing homework / work right now, but since I’m not getting paid for it, I am choosing to take an hour to do this fun thing of writing in the blog, uplifting the world.

my EXCUSE, and there’s always an excuse, isn’t there, is that my underwork sched is mixed up here, so i got to sleep in, get my classic 14 hours of sleep, hypersomnia, etc. i guess if you can sleep 14 hours, go right ahead.

heh heh. like this stupid forbes article I read recently. during your interview, explain how you use a real ATHLETE mentality. You believe in balanced mind and body. You know that to be at your best performance, you need your rest. And you eat healthy and exercise. and you don’t let defeat get you down. when the going gets tough, the tough get going. you get MORE creative and look for different approaches. you know you can’t succeed without the team, it’s all about your team, but you also know how to perform your role within the team excellently. and a whole bunch of other f4ggy horsesh1t.

So just say you’ve been giving 110% lately, and to continue giving 110%, you have to catch up on 14 hours of sleep here and there. To run the marathon of professional career victory.

anyway I had an interesting experience on monday, will share, try to deduce the Big Lesson out of it.

So every once in a while I hit the jackpot and this market research firm calls me and invites me to do a Paid Survey. Sometimes it’s really fun, and I get to go to a Big Company where the Top 1% of Engineers work with their HYPSM degrees, and then market research people ask me questions as I use a product, and I get paid BigBux.

So I will not say exactly what I was testing, and that’s not important anyway. What was important was the market researchers. One extremely Extraverted Woman possibly around 30 years old, still in good shape, as can be expected from Professional Career Women who want to Have It All, who succeed in College and Career, probably has a Masters Of Marketing.

i beat anorexia

What really shocked me was her partner, a very young girl who did not even look 21 years old. I wondered: was this the Unpaid Undergrad Intern, or was this the Recent 21-year-old Graduate who was winning enough to snag a sweet full time entry-level career job with a Viable Market Research Company? She looks so YOUNG! And indeed she was very cute, could ABSOULTELY SOMF for hours and days, and of course I have this weird prejudice towards College Girls, because I am obsessed with the Wester College Career Cult, KIds who Go Away To College, which she probably was, as opposed to Kidz who Go To College but don’t go AWAY to College, which is, of course, the much smarter and cost-effective way to do it, however I can guarantee you, the Go Away To College Crowd does sometimes feel superior to them. Wrongly!

So the young girl did hardly any talking, the older woman did 100% of the talking, and the young girl mainly took notes on a computer, typing away. This plus her obviously super young age is what made me think she was an Unpaid Undergrad Intern, but again, it can be hard to tell with these College Girls: are they 19 and still A Full Time Away At College Student Intern, or are they a 21 year old Recent Grad who just got their First Out Of College Fulltime Career Job? In which case I would have been bretty envious of her! Being a 21 year old total QT who was no more educated than me, having a Great Career Job and getting paid 90000000000000 times more than me, the superold loser, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. And whose face was SHE sitting on? Not mine!

Heh. But of course extraverted normalfag Away To College Sorority type gurls are Tailor Made for Marketing and Market Research! And I would think that they have a Competitive Advantage over Old, Introverted, Creepy, Awkward, Chubby Neet Loser Men who Don’t Interview Well and who don’t Get Interviews Well, and especially who are not True Believers in the College Career Cult.  Heh, more excuses, the excuses never end.

At any rate, I performed quite well and just talked and talked and rambled and rambled and came across as a Talkative Extravert Really Well. The trick is to just start talking and not even think about what you’re saying.

I was not really impressed with the Intellectual Calibre of their work, it fits right in with my theory that An Uneducated High Schooler could be trained to do this work, and not have it be a Sweet Coveted Job For the Top 20% of College Grads ONLY.

But because there simply isn’t a big enough supply of these kinda jobs, there’s way less market research jobs than there are high school students in other words, we need a big stupid college scam to credentialize it. but who ever said life was FAIR??

Heh. It really doesn’t MATTER if life is unfair, or, life seems a lot less unfair when you have 21YOQTs to SOYF at your beck and call.

But talking so narmalfagly with the woman made me think of being on an INterview, boy what if I were in an interview being this relaxed and confident and normalfag, jeez then I might get that sweet fulltime entry level careerjob, and making fat stacks and getting 21yoqts to somf all day.

so that’s the lesson for You All: just start rambling, talk without thinking, thinking will trip you up, and when you start talking a lot, you will seem like a normalfag, and successful normalfags like to HIRE other normalfags to be successful too.

Yep, in theory, pulling 21yos to soyf is really, really easy: talk without thinking, seem like an extravert normalfag, not a introvert neet loser spaghetti pockets virgin, and really this all inherits from the base class of BE MASCULINE. but also you gotta dress nice, don’t dress like a neet loser virgin spaghetti pockets who has never hung out with a grill.

but in practice it can be super difficult to go out and buy those clothes, or to put yourself in those situations where you can talk to 21yoqts.  that’s even more difficult than buying the clothes. you KNOW where to get the clothes, and then you just exchange money for them. But where the f are the 21 yoqts? Either Away At College, or in the Expensive City working their Career Jobs, out at Noisy Dance Clubs, where you compete for their attention with men 90000000000000 times more masculine than you: rich, successful, nice dresser, great career, has never been an alien to the experience of 21 or even 18 yoqt’s sitting on their face, etc.  yeah even though they are men just like you, it’s real hard to put yourself in the shoes of a guy like that.

OK. So read Dale Carnegie’s classic “how to win friends and influence people.” It is really not brain surgery to talk to grills or employers. they really are just people, just human beings. just keep asking them simple questions, pulling their talk strings, and you sit there and nod your head and say mm hmm. yes. I see. Ah. How interesting. tell me more about that.

and if you’re talking to a 21yoQT, then you just be a little more masculine and edgy and tease them a little. get them tingling.

but the other point i wanted to make is, gainfully employed fulltime career job college edumacated nonvirgin normalfags will look at you like you’re a loser if you are underemployed or GOD FORBID unemployed. So you just don’t tell em. LIE to them if they are stupid and rude enough to ask. Pretend your underjob is actually a real job, but also tell them you’re Striving To Advance, and that you’re VERY INTERESTED in their career field and their company, you’d love to work at their company, you’re smart, you went to kollige too, whaddya say, help a brother out, get me an interview, I’ve got some great ideas on how 2 grow The Company, bla bla bla.

And then you’ll have a 900000000 times better chance at getting the interview than if you came supplicating before them like an underemployed loser. The Power Of Little White Lies!!! Use them to your advantage!!

All right that’s enough for today. Take It Easy on YOurselves, don’t take sh1t from ANYONE, stand up for yourselves, try doing a resume where you copy and paste SHAMELESSLY right from the KSA’s (knowledge skills abilities) in the Job Description. Absolutely Shamelessly. And then take a big VALIUM before the interview so you’re not nervous, and can start talking like a normalfag, and once those normalfag morons see you talking like a normalfag, you’ll have a real good chance of getting the job.  And then Hellllllooooooooo 21yoqts SOMF Citay!!!

 

YOUR WIFE B(_)RP5 5P3RM ALL OVER HER T!T5 / HOW TO $12 AN HOUR

http://www.bls.gov/web/laus/laumstrk.htm

Unemployment rates for states. Good Old ND at the top as I thought. But what OTHER states are good? SD. Nebraska. NOICE. Quite a surprising list though. Look at the bottom. Illinois? North carolina?? I thought these states were GOOD.

mond 9 16 623pm

switching times. weird, weird day. had the very rare chance to sleep in as long as humanly possible, which only happens a couple times a year, and this time I slept till about 3 pm, (checking muh privilege), even while going to bed the previous night at 11pm. sixteen hours of sleep. and i haven’t been particularly sleep deprived lately! however I felt absolutely euphoric after all that sleep, got a weird drug like feeling.

there was a fun erotic or romantic part in the dream as well. I was with a young 18yoqt and we both liked each other and I was teasing her a little like Lovers Do, and we were just at a gas station midway through a long drive to go up to a Lake House or something for a Fun Long Weekend For Lovers. Sun, Summer, Swimming, and certainly some Fun Nights to be had. Unfort the dream did not get into any of that, just the implication.

then the dreams got weird, shifted to a completely diff episode, and the girl was gone. damn. something weird like I was slowly being poisoned and turned into a mutant and going crazy from chernobyl-like nuclear radiation.

but the other one was real nice. heh. would be nice to experience that feel, hahahahaha. I am greedy for that feel.

would it be the same with a 30yo as with an 18yo? not sure. I don’t get as excited about the thought, that’s for sure!!!

 

tues 9-17 809pm

getting used to this docs. (official switching to google docs and saying f00k you to gmail drafts)

Is Pure MATH a good major?

Probably Yes. Math is probably the most important thing in the world. It underpins everything. It’s like philosophy. IF you can understand advanced math, you can understand anything and everything. All science comes out of math. Math should be the FIRST thing you learn. Don’t learn science until you learn math.  Big Government Should Make A Law that All College Students Should Take: Calc 1 AND Calc2 AND Calc 3 AND Linear Algebra AND Finite Math AND DiffEQ AND DiffEQ 2 AND Stats 1 AND Stats 2. And THAT would WEED a lot of people out, do them a favour really.

was watching this semi ridic PBS docu called “God In America”. Kinda ridic and self-important, but also fun, I had never heard of this Briggs guy who started a lot of “modernizing” movement re Evangelical Protestants in the late 1800s, and there was then now Fundamentalists Vs MOdernizers, COnservatives vs LIberals. Now, I’m usu quite CONSERVATIVE, but I had to side with Briggs on this one, I don’t think Darwin or Science is any THREAT to religion and god, that Science and Religion can WORK TOGETHER to Shine LIght on each other, I share Briggs’s optimism. And while WJ Bryan was a charismatic guy and I like his Conservative Populism, and this Clarence Darrow was a little sneaky sleazebag, I ain’t no Fundamentalist. It was disappointing seeing christians fighting against each other over SCIENCE, when they COULD have been learning MATH. Even Fundamentalist Christians are allowed to take all those MATH courses!

And of course I was asking about the Catholic Immigrants from say Italy and Poland and Ireland, who were viewed with horrible disdain. But the show never discussed, just showed a bunch of city factory workers with dirt on their faces and calling them immigrants. missed opportunity.

But just to be on the safe side, I would major in Something Engineering, with a Minor in Math.

thurs 9 18

I MEAN double Major in An Engineering AND Math. Yes.

Have Paid Internships going all the way back to HIGH SCHOOL. At the VERY LEAST, Summer 1 of College. How about Summer 0 : Summer Between High School and College. Yeah. don’t want employers to think you are one of those bad college students and not a good college student.

Heh. I agree with Will Smith’s talentless son that the world would be a better place if everyone dropped out of school. Educational Institutions do not help the world, they hurt the world.

Education and Learning is for f4gg0ts, hahahaha. No, not really. but it can be hard to get your brain to work when you’re lazy and tired and old. have i said this already? but if your master strong solid employable skills, you will make money and be a winner in life and have a good job and make good money and attract good mates and afford to keep your loved ones safe from disease and violence.

Sometimes someone who looks and acts really dumb and annoying and you want to punch them in the face, turns out to be really smart and successful, a unstoppable top 1% College Student who is going to Medical Doctor Skool or Law Skool. And that, if anything, makes the situation even worse! Because you wanted them to be a big LOSER to match how annoying they are, not a big WINNER!!!

See here some classic Rumination which Dr Steve (Ilardi) sez you and me must STOP. Just cut it out. Pull The Plug. Play some games, rearragne the Queue, drink some water, get up and do pressups or situps or crunches or Capoeira or Wing Chun or prayers. Dr Steve suggests doing a Shared Activity with a Fran, if you have one. I guess the key is to stop the cycle of negative thoughts, true as they may be, and get out and do something. Go to Burlington Coat Factory and buy a suit for jobz interviewz.

thurs 9 19 740 am

holy smokes. dat feel when you close one day then opent he next day at yer underjob. actually not a horrible feel if you don’t ahve to do anything precision or stressful.

however, very likely I got less than 4 hours sleep. for a guy that likes at LEAST 9…

but was in good spirits, listened to a very grim, bleak, dreary, sorrowful, despairing song on repeat at least 5 times on the way over, it was bretty hilarious.

* If you have a Useless Degree and are 100k In Debt, then just leave your college degree OFF your resume to prove that You Don’t Think You’re Overqualified for a job that doesn’t “require” a college degree. Pretend you never graduated College and pretend you’re not 200k in debt!

* If it was a Name School, maybe put the Name on there, but imply you did not graduate.

* what a scam, amirite? yep. but one day you will be making good money and mating with good (young, qt) wimmin, then you won’t care about the scam you went through in the past.

* your wife b(_)rp5 5p3rm all over her t!t5

hehhehehehehehehehehehe.jpg.png

how to ruby on rails

how to calc 3

how to $12 an hour

how to good wief

friday sept 20 2013 1137 am

* So, live at home, go to Loser Community College, and take ALL the (harder) math classes they have. When you Babby Boomer Mom complains about you not wanting to grow up, show her the f00king ridiculous math problems you’re doing and say, “LOOK FAMILIAR? NO? THEN IN TODAYS WORLD, YOU DON’T DESERVE TO MAKE $12 AN HOUR. YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED. BE THANKFUL YOU EVEN HAVE A JOB, BECAUSE WITH YOUR NONEXISTENT SKILL SET IN 2013, YOU WOULDN’T.  I HAVE TO BE A SUPERGENIUS SUPERSCIENTIST TO GET THE  SAME KIND OF JOB YOU HAD TO BE A COMPLETE IDIOT TO GET 30 YEARS AGO. YOU WOULDN’T SURVIVE A DAY IN 2013. BESIDES, COLLEGE COSTS 900000000000 TIMES MORE THAN IT DID FOR YOU, AND I WANT TO BE ABLE TO PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY ONE DAY. OH WAIT, YOU DIDN’T GO TO COLLEGE???” and then go back to your Math Homework while she goes back to Celebrity and Reality Television, hehehehehehe.

* Do Manny Internships, Heck focus on internships ABOVE Classes, they’re prob more important anyway.

* NEVER take a class unless you have the CASH to pay for it ALL UP FRONT.  NO credit cards, and ABSOLUTELY NO LOANS. NO CASH, NO CLASS. So It takes you 10 years to graduate college. BIG DEAL. Less Classes, Moar Internships. Internships don’t COST anything anyway. Except the money they’re not paying you for working, hahahahaha. f4gg0ts. so whaddya do, you gotta f4g the f4gg0ts right back.

* Don’t Ruminate On Your Past Failures, Go Out and do something fun (nondrugs) with your friends if you have any.

18YOQTs, SUPPLY OF JOBS, CRIMEA RIVER, HNNGG HNNGG HNNGG

monday 8 26

WOW SUPER grumpy this monday morning. ending it all sounds like a REAL good idea. worst monday monring in recent memory. and no reason for it! other than the usual excuse of “being a loser.” wah wah crimea river.

tues

went to “bed” at 7pm.

still wanted another hour of sleep when woke up. super duper bad mood tuesday morning, but shook that off quicker than on monday. now 12pm and has been super busy past couple of hours. super busy. god almighty. but maybe i’m happier cuz it is my 8 hour day.

i see enough beautiful 18 year olds every day to know for a FACT that an Unlimited Supply and Variety of 18 year old Tail would DEFINITELY come close to Approximating True Love.

I would be very happy with one or the other. would not ask for both. wouldn’t need it. just one or the other. Actually, the neverending supply of Teen Tail might be BETTER. Its only downside is that it flirts with Immoral, Decadent filth; pornography. Flirts with, but does not have to be. Note that these girls don’t WANT commitment anyway. Good, cuz neither do I hahahaha.

wed 751 am

so. my “new” favorite thing is to lay face down on bed and LISTEN to tv because too much energy to prop head up on pillow and WATCH it, better transition to sleeptime. did that at 6:30 pm spongebob, all lights out at 7 pm, got some fairly decent sleep, an erotic dream that was kinda fun. just a random girl. a big4ss white trash slut. nasty but tolerable. better than a known entity.

major lesson: do Lights Out at Seven Pm For Best Results.

still took powerwalk, that was good.

REALLY gotta buy new clothes soon.

saw an 18 year old tiny blond girl wearing the tightest pants possible. she was TINY and YOUNG, very young looking, and usually don’t go for girls so small, but her youngness sealed the deal, it was almost like A Whole New Gender, hehehehe.

Does it REALLY need to be SO competitive to get into the Physical Therapy or Occupational Therapy Program? Yeah, it’s a better field than Sociology, but I don’t think it’s even in Top 10 of Job Openings, or something else to merit rejecting a SOLID 80% of Applicants. THAT’s how Competitive it is. 80% of people who WANT to get in DON’T. Why do they WANT to get in? I don’t see a HUGE GLUT of PT jobs to justify such a ridiculous demand.

Heh. So I’m wondering how a person decides on Physical Therapy for an Education and Career choice. You can’t just WALTZ into the job, AND you can’t just WALTZ into the EDUCATION, and believe me, you can get MASTERS and DOCTORATE in PT. Sh1t to get an entry level job you need a Bachelors degree.

Unless my local Nonprestigious College happens to have a Very Prestigious PT program, I dunno.

But this points to my larger point, that 30 years ago, you didn’t have to TRY to find a Entry Level Full Time Job, you just needed a PULSE. Now you can spend your whole LIFE going to COLLEGE and switching majors and getting useless degrees and NEVER get an Entry Level Full Time Job, because your CV wasn’t remarkable enough, your GPA not high enough, not enough extracurriculars, too many GAPS, too old, you don’t interview well; forget just having a pulse and showing up to work every day on time!

But then there’s people who Say that finding a Full Time job in North Dakota is EASY because ND has the lowest unemployment and the boomingest economy. I certainly think abotu it every day!!!

So i guess you’re “supposed” to spend your teens and early twenties wanting to Bang everything that moves, then in your later twenties, you’re supposed to develop more Lasting, Mature Relships, with an Eye to someone you want to Spend Your Life With. Heh. I had it ass backwards. When I was young, I wanted a Monogamous Loving Waifu. Fell In True Waifu Luv 7 times. Now I am old, and just want to B 18 year olds! NOT Sadistically, NOT hurting or hating anyone, But Sort of Decadently. I want to bang at least 100 18 year old girls in my life. If you get tired of one, move on to the next. Simple, easy, effective, perfect. Fundamental Ontology. Priorities in Life.

thurs 8 29 13 9:39am

did my “long day” yesterday. When I took Hard Class, I would have at least 2 “Long Days” per week. They are good for Feeling Productive, but much moreso if you are actually doing Paid Work, compared to Free Work or Paying For Skool.

Had another semi erotic dream. In this one I was making out with a Very Cute Young girl. You know the girl is very CUTE and young, if you actually enjoy making out with her before plowing her, hahahaha.

these the Attitudes that Normally, naturally Form when you never manage to pull from QTs, and then you say, well I don’t wanna bang non-QTs, so I’m gonna be a kissless virgin wizard all throughout my 20s!!!

Heh, you’d think I’d be more willing to Lower My Standards, especially considering I’m old, fat, bald, loser, underemployed, costanza. When I was actually YOUNG, I was a lot more Physically Attractive and could actually Pull QTs, and I wasted that by not pulling a LOT of QT action, but Far Less Than A Bare Minimum, which is still Far More than Wizards Pull, so, I’m grateful for that, hahahahaha.

But yeah you see some 18 year old student with nice skin and a tight bum and bright eyes and perky bazooms and you think, yep you can sit on my face, you can sit on my face, yep you too, I wouldn’t mind that, lemme clear off a place so you can sit on my face, etc etc, 90000000 times a day. THAT’s pretty overwhelming, and why Men and Prime Of Youth Women should be kept separated, because it’s very distracting and overwhelming!

From ages 18 to 25, Women should be Locked Away in Women-World, and not let out until they’re safely MARRIED.

Heh. Funny how “you” want 18 year old QT Younggirls to Sit on “Your” Face, but not really so much Thirty Year Old Women or Older!!! Then you think, UM NO. EW. GROSS. But 18 year olds? ALL DAY. SIT ON MY FACE ALL DAY. Now THAT’s True Heterosexual Attraction!!!

It’s analogous to the making out. The older the get, the less you want to make out with OR have them sit on your face.

Disclaimer: While it is natural and normal for Most Men to have a Preference for Younger Women in GENERAL, I have taken that to a whole new extreme. Exaggerrated, inflamed, inflammatory disease. Upped the contrast level. To an arguably Pathological, Detrimental level. So how do I train my Animal Brain to Tone it Down, to sand off the sharp edges? Dunno. Would probably be like trying to “cure” the gays with electric shocks. It’s as hard-wired as it gets. Just an extreme variation of natural behaviour.

Can you Curb the Anxiety of Constant Horniness by Beating Off To Porn? Probably a LITTLE bit. Like a 1% Purity of the Drug, when you’d like 100%. And By God, I’ve been lucky enough to experience something like 90%, back in the day. But Not Enough. But with stuff that powerful, can there ever BE enough???

Or can you say, “YEAH, I DID OK. Not Perfect, but OK. I’m not Hung Up over it or anything. I’m No Superman anyway. I’m Happy with what I Can Get.” Which would be the Mature Response.

Or you can be a big immature Adult Baby and say wah wah, I want 18 year old girls, nothing else. I want I want I want, gimme gimme gimme!

Really weird. The blend of Entitlement, but not being Confidence And Powerful enough to back up that entitlement.

So yeah. School’s In For The Year, and I saw more cute 18 year old girls I wanted to sit on my face, in the span of one hour, than I have in the past 3 months, then I think of How LoOoOoOoOng it’s been. MANY years. And even back then, it was just a small taste. Just to Whet the Appetite. The logical, sensible thing to do would be: go to a hooker, go hoggin, TAKE what you can GET, learn GAME and actually USE it to pull better quality.

So yeah anyway. When I come up with my “Rules” of Attraction, like does the girl make you go HNNNGG, or 18 or 22 or you’re done, or would you enjoy making out with her, would you enjoy Cunnilinguus, would you lick the sweat out of their 4ss on a hot day, because they are 18 years old etc, realize this is the product of a Diseased Mind, hahahaha. A Diseased Mind, AND Perpetually Horny, AND on a Many-Year Drought, AND sees 900000000 beautiful 18 yo QTs EVERY DAY. A Perfect Storm of Erotic Stress. This Biases, Prejudices my view, quite understandably!

Of COURSE there are MUCH more important things in life, like FAMILY and WORK and MORALITY and DISCIPLINE and AMBITION. They just don’t “FEEL” (hate the word feel!) as important when you are RARING TO GO!!!

How “Average” is the “Average Frustrated Chump,” or, in today’s parlance, Beta? Lesser Beta? Omega? A Self-Selected bunch of Woman-Haters who read and comment Woman-Hating GAME and Pick Up Artist blogs??? r9k neckbeard virgins who watch tons of p0rn? people who generally use the internet too much and don’t interact with Real People enough????

But the 18 YO QTs overstimulating me are definitely REAL!!

MOVIE REVIEW: yeah this is more of a joke, I will not do Serious Reviews of “Really Obscure” Art Movies any more, as that would Identify me. So I’ve been meaning to see “Insidious” since it first came out at theatre. Always looking for a good hore movie. kept pushing it back in the queue. FINALLY the time was right, by god I wanted to watch it. It wasn’t super good, wasn’t GREAT, but it was pretty good. Dialogue sucked, but the acting was good, some good scares, kept my attention till the final Act, which was going well, until BAM the disc crashed suddenly, no warning, no skips. Bam. Stop. Unable to read disc. This is about 10 minutes from the end of the movie, and I was still liking it. Hadn’t jumped shark. I was angry and frustrated. But I have been on a streak of Not Bad Movies lately. Real uncanny. wonder when the shoe is gonna drop there.

HNNNG. 18 year old shorthaired girl with GREAT 4SS in jeans. HNNGG!!!!!

Hnng is the new schwing, remember that scene in waynes world where garth is at some party or something having an actually normal conversation with people, but stops to say SCHWING every time a “hot babe” walks by, which is every 2 seconds, because waynes world just went hollywood or something. That’s me going HNNGGG every 2 seconds when a 18YOQT walks by who I want to make out with then sit on my face. GOD DAM RIDICULOUS.

ok gotta wrap this up. a great line I heard today, the day the fast food workers were gonna do their Strike for $15 an hour. I saw a bunch of Adult Students Going Back To College because That Is Sure To Get Them All Jobs, College Will Make The Unemployable Employable, College Will Create Jobs Where None Existed Before, College Is Magic, Companies will hire Adult Students from Low-Prestige Colleges over Young Students from High-Prestige Colleges, more excuses, etc, hehehehe, ANYWAY, this one loudmouth (woman) was complaining about The Audacity: “$15 an hour! COME ON! That is for SKILLED PROFESSIONALS! My HUSBAND doesn’t even make $15 an hour!!! And my Macdonalds was cold today!”

So I thought the whole situation was hilarious and sad. My opinion is quite moderate: maybe $12 would be more reasonable; or giving people Full Time Hours; and I acknowledge that Fast Food Work is Harder and Much More Stressful than Average People realize.

But it’s her fault for marrying a loser who couldn’t provide, hahahahaha.  Maybe he needs to go to college for physical therapy and maybe, just maybe, if he gets a 3.99999 GPA and performs better than 80% of his class, then he might get a $15 an hour job.  But still everybody has to take out a 50k loan and gamble at the casino anyway.

but again I have a really distorted view of reality, so don’t listen to me. I used to think I lived in an “anti-intellectual” or anti-collegefag area, where only rich soft boy scout faggots go to COLLEGE, but this was inaccurate; its more like EVERYONE goes to college, because they can’t find jobs otherwise, or they’re laid off and are getting Taxpayer Dollars to go to college, so I really can’t blame them for doing so.

The Media says there are Technical Jobs waiting Unfilled because there’s no one to fill them, no one with the proper training and skill set; but I don’t really believe that, because everyone from age 18 to 80 is In College, College is the “New” High School, not like that is anything NEW!!! Except High School you don’t have to take out an Unforgivable Mortgage to go to!

Heh heh yeah I have a Fatally, Pathologically Bad Attitude.

My Homework To Do List For YOU (and me):

http://bls.gov/ooh/occupation-finder.htm?pay=&education=&training=&newjobs=50%2C000+or+more&growth=&submit=GO

So here is a list of 94 Jobs from Outlook Occupational Handbook of BLS. This is really the best way I know to find out this information, there are prob better ways!  I want to know the SUPPLY OF JOBS. NUMBER of JOB OPENINGS. It Stands To Reason that it should be EASIEST to GET a job, where there are the most openings. They won’t turn away losers who didn’t go to harvard, or who have Average College Extracurriculars, in other words!

Teach Your Children to go for one of those 94 jobs. I’m thinking Long Term, a Slow But Steady Growth Rate is better than a 20% growth rate over 2010-2020, right???? cuz what if it takes a nosedive after that. or what if it doesn’t.

http://bls.gov/ooh/occupation-finder.htm?pay=&education=&training=&newjobs=50%2C000+or+more&growth=&submit=GO

Physical Therapists and Software Developers, hahahahaha.

Anyhow. hehehe. I never said Physical Therapy was a BAD field!

Heh. I wish Banging 18YOQTs was a Job, and on there!

Wow. How do you FIX a Fundamentally, Deep-Seated BAD Attitude? Eradicating thoughts like the above from your mind??

Ok, I wish Banging 18YOQTs was not a job, and was not on there. That would be a stupid job. And 30 year olds are hotter than 18 year olds. hehehehe. more age appropriate.

“But that’s such a Stupid Euphemism, Age Appropriate!!”

Heh. It really kind of is.

No It Isn’t.

I will Be Age Appropriate And Go To College For A Physical Therapist or Software Developer Job.

your homework:

go to a Cheapo Department Store and buy some “Nice” clothes that you could ostensibly wear to a $15 an hour job.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up if you have the occasional Racist or Sexist Thought. Sometimes Stereotypes get invented for a reason.

Get NINE hours of sleep a night. Dr Ilardi says Paleo Man got about NINE hours of sleep a night. Dr Ilardi KNOWS!!!

If you have an Extreme Obsession with 18YOQTs, tell yourself, this is a gross exagerration of normal desires, Please God Release Me From This Living Hell.

Either throw out the objective on your resume, or change it drastically. rather than say, i want to work for this kind of company, say I want to apply my demonstrated skills of increasing revenue in Physical Therapy to This Company in the Physical Therapy field. I don’t f00king know, all that sh1t’s gay. Just make your objective SHORT and EXACT as f00k because you gotta beat out 100 other people for this one job, and some of them will be from harvard, hahahaha. f00king sh1tstains.

 

PROF SAPOLSKY, SILLY DANCING

8 2 13

156pm

ok so if you’re in a horrible godawful end it all sort of mood for the first 4 hours after you wake up….then try to distract yourself from that by working, errands, out of house, and No Writing.

If you feel the urge to fire up the old writing sheet and write about your angry sad hopeless kissless worthless useless hopeless lazy pathetic feels, JUST SAY NO. JUST DON’T DO IT. Play a darn GAME instead. There IS a productive way to write about such things, but it’s really RISKY, because you have to keep it SUPER SHORT, and then spin it so it’s very positive-heavy. You may be more likely to write 900000 pages of negative awful stuff than to do that, thus, it’s more effective just to write nothing at all.

It’s perfectly OK to write Positive Stuff like: I’m awesome, I’m thankful for all the good things in my life, I’m thankful for that, I’m good at this, I’m good at that, I’m hopeful about that, or here’s a good idea. But No Bad Feels.

Can you write about how you saw an 18 year old girl who really made you go HNNNNNNNGGGGGGG the best in the past month or so? Probably not, unless you’re Taking Action on a Plan to Make That Happen. IE, you’ve actually TALKED to the girl like a Normalfag, and not just saw her, thought she was real cute and prime of youth, then fantasized about playing with her young body for hours, and dating and marrying her.

Not to say your Feeeeeeeeeeeeelings aren’t “VALID”, just that Expressing them in Writing probably isn’t gonna help much, if at all. Save it for your Bargain-Basement Shrink! or Priest!

sat 8 3

shouldn’t be writing before awake for 4 hours unless DAMN sure it’s Positive. which it is!

* if you’re feeling grumpy or worse in the morning, no big shocker there, well, try to make a Big Joke out of everything, well, not a negative horrible joke, but a silly funny joke. If this is too difficult, then do a Funny Walk whenever nobody is looking. Like a Super Ridiculous Walk like the Monty Python sketch, or just a ridiculous little Dance. Dancing is good too. And if someone DOES catch you doing it, just laugh it off, or be like yeah so WHAT I’m Dancing, and then that will make them happier, and it will make you happier too.

*This Dance Like A Ridiculous Retard While You Walk is one of the bset Protip Bullet points I’ve given all Month. It is so easy to do, and So Effective. Some of the Highest Return On Investment I’ve ever discovered.

* Making Silly, Stupid FACES in the Mirror is another thing in that same vein.

i THINK it was this one, Charles Smith of “Bastyr University”

Was listening to some Naturalpath Osteopath or something give a talk on “Depression” and he made the important point that Some People Are Just More RESILIENT than others. Some people can have the worst luck in the world and just keep choo chooing along, whereas other people get one bad thing and then they crumble and give up.

obviously we are more like the weak one, and we want to be more like the strong one!

And Again, I’m much more concerned with the How can we be more like that, rather that Why Are We The Way We Are. Don’t Care.

link to sapolsky

Great Talk by Prof Sapolsky of Stanford, very good lecture, with a lot on the Biochemical Basis of “Depression”, and its Psychological Aspects as well. Wish he had a whole Course on this. Had too many good points to mention. Just check it out. examples:

some people bounce back after 2 or 3 hardships, but after 4 or 5 hardships or depressions, then the littlest thing can put them into a depression

norepinephrine is associated with “psychosomatic exhaustion”, dopamine associated with lack of pleasure, and serotonin with “obsessive grief.”

I personally don’t get too “griefy”, just angry and exhausted and distracted and hateful and hopeless.

The idea of cortisol and stress and stress hormone and glucocorticoids, and how your body and brain are in a Constant State of Stress, so of course you have no energy and can’t concentrate and don’t like anything.

People with Cancer can find that the Cancer makes them stronger or teaches a lesson or makes life more meaningful, makes them grateful for the power of Family, power of love, etc; but “Depression” makes it impossible for you to get any meaning out of anything.

Heh. though it’s hard for me to imagine how getting Cancer would also not make you “depressed”, and then you get a double whammy. Heh. I am a total cancerphobe, if I got cancer, I would Totally Give Up, might even K myself.

So now I am doing 10 mg of Paxil, up from 5 mg (daily), trying to work my way back up to 20 mg. Cause frankly there hasn’t been noticeable difference going down to 5. I think I was protesting the Pharmaceutical Complex, Corporate Greed, etc, but I am DESPERATE again to try to clear my mind and actually Do Work, not be hateful and tired and distracted all the time.

Trying to see my “shrink” once every 2 weeks.

Working a TEENSY bit of Jogging into my Brisk Powerwalks. Just a Minute here and there to say I did, get the heart rate up a little, burn off a little anger and hatred.

“But I don’t WAAANNNNAAAA get a Masters Degree just to gettajob! I hate college!” whined the little baby.

Heh. We Amerifats make such a big deal out of EDUCAAAAATION but since COLLEGE is the only education that matters, and a whole generation is going BROKE just to go to college, then….heh just abolish all education altogether, education is stupid, gay, and worthless. don’t even have public high schools then.

yeah just very frustrating. can’t even think productively. can’t problem solve, the brain doesn’t work anymore, can’t read, can’t study, can’t do homework, all I can do is lay there and watch Bela Tarr films, hahahahaha.

* get “creative” or at least unorthodox with your resume. if it hasn’t gotten you a good job by age 30, well you don’t have much to lose by trying something different, like listing your ACT score or your IQ or your bona fides from high school, back before you sh4t the bed. Maybe bring it down to size 9 font and .5 inch margins and just PACK IN as MUCH stuff as possible, like every single job ever. I used to think White Space / Blank Space was good and that Hiring Gods did not want to squint to read small print. But that obviously hasn’t worked out for me!

* Although I still think you should at least bold your NAME.

* Hire an Artist to write your resume in real fancy calligraphy. Or just print it out in the cursive handwriting font, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

* just like you should be Lifting and Praying every day, you should be doing Silly Dancing for at LEAST 10 minutes a day. in front of a mirror so you can see yourself. Just act like a total retard for 10 solid minutes every day ever. This is SUCH a great idea. Make playlists of good Dancing Songs you can do it to.

I might move away from movie reviews and possibly start ANOTHER seperate blog for Movie Reviews, but I will briefly say I recently watched “The Turin Horse” and it might be my movie O’ the year 2013, hahaha. Bela Tarr at his bleakest. The opening scene is classic and needs to be shared throughout the world, AND also I think it perfectly encapsulates what Real Lazy Losers feel every day, in the depths of their “Depression”:

“Enjoy!”

Great music too!

HYUGE 9000 WORD POST

(actually only 2500)

tues 7 16

Heh. I like to check the search terms in the stats that bring people here. great stuff. indicates that I Know My Audience Well. today was “lazy research assistant.” heh. that was haunting. I actually WAS one of those once.

My Professor was a REAL nice guy. I did a good thing by Reaching out to a Nice Professor, and he truly was Real Nice and not an 4sshole……and then shortly after I Sh4t The Bed, shirking my work, becoming a lazy research assistant, because I couldn’t CONTROL MY FEELS ABOUT GRILLS. (GURLS). DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU.

Where I should have been Busting My 4ss for the Prof, and really “leveraging” the niceness of the Prof to get me into a Good Job Somewhere Anywhere, NO, I slacked off and gave up, because I couldn’t handle Romantic Rejection. DON’T DO THIS.

Did I mention I’ve been listening to NOTHING but The Grateful Dead for a week straight? “Touch of Grey” is a great song too, fits RIGHT in with all their old classics. They were playing it since 1982 BTW. FYI.

(1989)

When I was young, the Grateful Dead album EVERYBODY had was the “Skeletons in the closet” Greatest Hits CD. Heck this is a great place to start too! Even though it’s all Studio! It’s not like the dead sounded BAD in the studio!

* you know how hard you work and struggle and fight and thrash limbs and try not to drown and fight and grind and chip away at SKOOL? If you used about 33% of that Energy and Work and Fighting to Fix Your Loserness, then you would become a Winner and find skool, work, and luv easier!

* relates to my theory that we should teach 4 credit hour College Style Classes on how to Fix Your Loserness.

* WHILE keeping in mind that sometimes we need to Stop FIGHTING our “Depression” as Ajahn Brahm says. HOWEVER, I don’t think that means that we NECESSARILY need to STOP eating well, stop sleeping well, stop exercising, stop lifting, stop praying, etc.

* Because I think we can work to Fix our Laziness but it doesn’t HAVE to be Grueling, Draining, Fighting, it can be as “easy” as Reading A Book or Taking a WALK. Admitting that Reading Books can be REALLY HARD, but I find reading book specifically on the topic of Fixing Laziness is easier than reading a book on for example Computer Programming. Because it’s Super f00king Relevant to our lives and our immediate state of mind.

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I don’t usually like doing super long posts because who’s gonna READ a 9000 word post, and considering I would like to Help People. So I promise not to do this every day! I USUALLY try to keep it to 1000. Although 800 would be ideal bc 1000 is a little long!

Anyway there IS some GREAT stuff in today’s 9000 word post. GREAT stuff. WELL worth reading. Heh, Heh. Job tips, Life Stories, Feels. The usu solid gold stuff.

7 16

yeah that’s been my thing: hard to CONCENTRATE. Not like this is a NEW problem whatsoever! But it really sums it up nicely: can’t concentrate on schoolwork, can’t concentrate on long term plans, can’t concentrate on job search, can’t concentrate on reading or studying, because there is so much anger, confusion, and hopelessness about everything, and every little thing is hard as f00k and draining.  you don’t feel normal, don’t feel right.

So you say, what would a mature responsible adult do in this situation? And then go do it.

Today dropped off the application packet. Every god damn little thing. Not used to actually dropping off applications. So I said, WELL, OBVIOUSLY the BEST choice would be to hand deliver it to the person named. It gave a name. Anything to get them to remember you. don’t want to come all that way just to drop it off with “The Gatekeeper” at the front desk. But then I realized I didn’t have a great Spiel. Be lucky to have a 10 second spiel. Always been terrible at Spiels and Elevator Speeches. Struck out Three Times with that at the Job Fair. Be like, I hate everything but I’m smart, just gimme a 10 an hour Full Time Entry Level Job, I have a 120 IQ I Swear, I swear to god, you gotta help me, pleeeeeease, I don’t interview well but I DO do the job well. Maybe. And then I realized all of my clothes are kinda sh1tty. Wearing the same old clothes for years. REALLY gotta get new clothes, REALLY always been bad about shopping for Spiffy New Clothes Always. But I wasn’t gonna put on my Semi-Shoddy SUIT to drop off an application in 90 degree SuperHumid Weather. Though I would if I were actually working the job!

TLDR I asked the Gatekeeper for the person, said it was In Regards To the Job, they went back and checked, said they were not available, so I said thank ya very much and gave THEM my packet.

I put the Packet in a Manila Envelope. It was about 10 pages.

On the front of the envelope I put My Name, what It Was, and the person’s name. In hindsight I probably should have printed these on Avery Labels because that sends the signal that you know how to print labels. But I just printed it on paper, cut out the stuff, and taped it on with clear packing tape. Looked better than it sounds!

Protip: Learn CALLIGRAPHY or just real neat fancy Handwriting. My handwriting is not very professional looking, so I try to type everything. However, I would say, real fancy calligraphy would have also made a Positive Impact. Maybe. Definitely better than Everyday Chickenscratch!

Protip: All the people at your Current Job you would list as references, your new homework assignment is to actually ask them to write you a brief reference LETTER that you can use for All Jobs, and get them to send you the doc file so you can have it forever. Don’t even need to be sneaky about this. Be like I want to use this for various jobs in the future so just know I might be editing it to change the date, the position name, the company, so kinda make it a “Fill In The Blank letter.” And then just talk about what an awesome person I am.

Protip: This would prob only work if it’s An Underjob And Everybody There Knows It. If It’s a Upper Working Class Bigboy $10 an hour Fulltime Entry Level Bachelors Degree Job, your Superior might not like the idea of you Looking For Better Paying Work Elsewhere.

. go take a break buddy

.official virgin age meter

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However it’s still good to have references. Maybe LIE TO YOUR BOSS and tell them you are trying to……get nominated for Steering Committee At Church. That you’re Running For Unpaid Office. Church works. Or Boy Scouts, School Board, Kiwanis, Optimists, Elks, Moose, Masons, Church. MAYBE graduate school. That one could be risky. (Although If you ARE serious about going to Grad Skool, you WILL need Good, Relevant References.)

“HE’S SMART, HE JUST DOESN’T APPLY HIMSELF” is what they always said about you. APPLY YOURSELF. Well, actually, maybe they didn’t say that about you. They usually say that about High School Students. But because you got good grades in high school, they didn’t say you didn’t apply yourself. It wasn’t till College and Beyond that your Really Realized how much you weren’t applying yourself and how godawful that was.

Heh. This blog is especially intended for people who were Good in High School, but then REALLY Sh4t the Bed in COLLEGE. Became A Loser In College/University.

However if you became a loser in High School, well, I’m pretty welcoming, as long as you really “self-identify” with 30 year old kissless virgin wizard neet neckbeard r9k losers.

The type of person where people say, oh he started out so well, WHAT HAPPENED?

Well, a lotta things: bad habits, not applying yourself, not Engaging In School, not doing this, not doing that, more bad habits, laziness, procrastination, not caring, not adapting well to College, not adapting well to Life or Adult Life or even Late Adolescent Life really, a lotta things happened, lotta little things, maybe a few big things. And now you hate everything and can barely bring yourself to go out and buy clothes or talk to a College Counselor, and you try to trace it back. LET’S JUST ESTIMATE 18. Because even if you were angry and hateful and weird and nonnormal in high school, things didn’t get REALLLLY Bad until AFTER high school, when you went to college, as was expected for kids who did well in high school. THEN you ROYALLY F00ked up, and have been on that f00ked up road ever since.

Got off track, feel like you can’t get back on track. Or say you’ve been off track for 12 years – is it gonna take 12 years to get back on track? Heh so by age 42 you will be at the level of a Normalfag EIGHTEEN year old, hahahahahahahaha.

If you know these feels, this blog is for you!

I would say keep exercising, keep praying, keep Reaching Out To As Many PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE as possible for HELP and then following up with them, and also try martial arts classes, practice small talk, find the cheapest shrink you can and go at LEAST once every two weeks, although once a week would be ideal, and also try DBSA “Depression” Support Group meetings. Heh. I would like to try one of those if I weren’t so Lazy, Stubborn, and Afraid. And stop making EXCUSES, hahahahahaha.

Sh1t. MAYBE continue taking brain-destroying SSRI meds until you’re no longer a LOSER. I have been on like 5 mg of Paxil a day for months, trying to rid my brain of this Poison, but at this point, I’d almost rather have a Broken, Poisoned Brain and Be A Winner, than have a Drug-Free Brain and be a total f00king LOSER. Cost Benefit Analysis!

So I might go up to the Minimum Effective Therapeutic Dose, cuz I can guarantee you, 5 mg is prob well below it.

Like if the “cost” of your permanently fried brain is, it’s chemically no longer plagued with hateful angry thoughts and it’s easier for you to concentrate, and the Undrugged brain is full of Hate, Anger, and Unconcentration, well, I’ll take the Drugged Brain any day! Because the price of Being A Loser is the deciding factor.

You can try quitting meds once you’re a Winner In Life. Like people with Good Jobs and Good Mates.

But if you can’t even get a Sh1tty job, can’t get even a sh1tty mate, well, maybe it’s time to start taking those brain-frying drugs. Like your brain isn’t ALREADY fried most of the day, unable to concentrate, hateful angry scared neurotic thoughts all day.

ok you can skip this because it’s Off Topic:

Movie Review: “Session 9”

You don’t have to read the movie reviews if you don’t want to! It’s just one of those rare times when I am not filled with negative feels and can write about something else! Can actually use my brain for something that’s not feels! But boy howdy don’t think this means I would or could do all the work it takes to become a Career Film Critic! Talk about tons of graduate school, schmoozing, unpaid internships, reading marxist books on theory and what have you. No Thanks!

Well this was one of the better Average Movies I’ve seen in a while. I stayed up late, til like 240 am, because I really wanted to watch a Scary Movie, it’s been a while. This movie was solidly entertaining. i enjoy solid entertainment in addition to Horror and Ridiculous 8 hour long Foreign Art Films. But solid entertainment is hard to find. usually will go to TV shows for this: arrested development, game of thrones, breaking bad. starting to get a little bored with star trek tng. taking break from arrested d.

plus when you have so many anger feel and can’t concentrate, you can’t even concentrate on a TV show or movie!

Session 9 was surprisingly well written and well acted. Even David Caruso was good. 2001. Hazmat company must clean asbestos out of an abandoned insane asylum in one week. While abandoned asylums are all the rage on your TV ghost adventures and stuff, back in the day, s9 asylum would have been considered real fresh. one of the more exciting things I did during my Wasted Youth was to sort of explore an abandoned asylum one night. indeed a scary setting.

heh. but what I liked even more was the Real Life Working Men concept of these Blue Collar Guys just Working for a Living. Contractors making Bids to Do A Job. Stuff Working Class Men used to do before they had to go to college to make a working class living. stuff elite college kids have no idea exists. REALLY liked the character whose Father was a Big Lawyer, and the son himself went to Law School on “THE ONE YEAR PLAN” then dropped out and became a failure and a disappointment and now he works here. Or this other guy that talks about everybody needs an “EXIT PLAN” because they don’t want to be working this crap job the rest of their lives. That one guy doesn’t read book JUST FOR FUN, going back to law school and become a Successful Lawyer is HIS Exit Plan. but why did he leave law school? how’s he gonna get back INTO law school?
(and there is a whole community of disgruntled Law Students out there, who probably have the Worst Student Debt of Any Student, like 500k to everyone elses 50k, and they can’t get a job as a paralegal. Do NOT go to LAW SCHOOL unless you go to a GOOD one and REALLY know how to Network. Although many lawyers are extraverted normalfags)

But these questions are not too important to the movie, rather, I liked that the movie included Multidimensional Characters like that. Not expecting.

Just the idea of the man owning his own cleaning company, he’s getting stressed out cuz now he has a new baby to take care of, and so he begins lowballing bids where he hadn’t before, just because he needs jobs. and here they do a lowball bid and have to work themselves ragged to finish the job in one week for a Sweeeeet $10 grand bonus (presumably split 5 ways?), when before it was estimated it would take 2 or 3 weeks.

So you figure they need to work 16 hour days at LEAST, heheheh. Which they did not seem to do. But yeah it is as much a Working Job Movie as an Abandoned Asylum Movie.

Not bad, not bad. Just didn’t really bring the horror. One scary scene, maybe two. ANNNDDD the ending was a little weird. It threatened to jump the shark but didn’t REALLY jump the shark. Which is ALL GOOD, since most movies you can pinpoint the moment the shark is officially jumped, and it’s usually before halfway through.

So, not bad. Not ragingly awesome though. It could have been, had it been scarier and maybe a different 5th act. Worth Watching Once(tm)!

STUPID B4LLLICKING UNEDITABLE PDF 10 PAGE JOB APPLICATIONS

7 11 thurs

* day off today. yesterday was a real GOOD day, a real high point, thank god, but today I was super tired and angry and lazy and hopeless when I woke up. Just felt like taking a NAP. If I Lived Alone, maybe I would, hahaha.

* So I forced myself to call for an oil change like I’ve been meaning to do the past 2 weeks or so and am going to do that.

* felt good about that, so I finished the Email and Sent it like I was talking about last post. the email has been weighing on my mind the past 2 days.

* IDEALLY I would prepare my stuff for this Job Application. Scheduling about 4 hours to do that. Gotta write down all the information from all the jobs of the past 10 years. MAYBE I should actually do the Cover Letter first, because that is gonna require the most Creativity / Inspiration / Miracle, whereas the Complete Job History is just tedious. But if I save that effort for the Cover Letter, then better chance at getting interview.

* other day looked at “Student Internship Coop” postings for a Good Company, offering Paid Engineering Coops. They said they only wanted FULL TIME Students in an engin program at an Accredited University with a Record of Academic Excellence. So, Uh, Declare Engin Major on day 1 of Freshman Year, EStablish Academic Excellence, get letters of rec from ALL your instructors, and BOOM you get Sweet PAID INternship on Summer 1 when you are 19 and your life is Set Up for Total Success. Don’t do this, and life will be a lot harder.

* The Job is Nowhere NEAR the Good Jobs that 21 Year Old Engin Grads get, nowhere near a Successful College Normalfag Who Can Get Married Job, however it would be a signif step up from my current job in pay. Was shocked to see it doesn’t require a masters degree. or even a bachelors degree hehehe. So it’s not a “Bachelors Degree College Person Job”, but it def pays a lot more than my current job! and doesn’t even call for f00king 5 to 10 years of relevant experience!

* I always watch waitresses and servers in restaurants and wonder, HOW THE F00K can people DO this? I would freak out and quit the first day on the job. But I imagine that kind of work would be INVALUABLE training for just about any other job where you have to Deal With People, which is ALL jobs. Heh. So a restaurant job would be like Boot Camp. Which you need. So get a sh1tty restaurant job, pref as a Server or Waiter. When the manager asks you if you like serving people, just LIE and say YES like everyone else does.

* Get in the HABIT of going to Other People for HELP as MUCH as possible. A Shrink, a Career Counselor, an Academic Advisor, a Professor, a Networking Contact, a Work Colleague, anybody and everybody. Better to Lean On Too MANY people than Too Few. Plus, if you’re like me, then you’re NOT in this habit already, so you have some extra Outreach to do. Plus this will make you feeeeeeel more accountable and you will Follow Through if these people ask you to do something.

* For example, I will be serious about applying for this one job which this one person who has been helping me suggested, and they wrote a nice letter for me (see prev post.) So besides WRITING THEM A THANK YOU NOTE, my real “Thank you” will be Following Through on this, rather than blowing it off and lazily doing nothing.

* Did I mention my Successful Relative who contacted me out of the blue? I think I did. So I am gonna try to do a Mini-Unpaid-Internship with him, aka “Free Work”, at the very least to put a blurb on my resume, pick their brains as a MENTOR, and get a more intimate view of Successful Career People doing Successful-People Work. Shadowing. Also a kick in the pants for me to learn new skills, and even more importantly, see how those skills are used in the The Workplace.

* And you can see how this can be a Reverse Slippery Slope UPWARDS, if you know the right people!

* Find the most successful person in your family and supplicate before them. Cousins, second cousins, third cousins. And if they DO want to help you, then do your damnedest not to disappoint them.

* I might be getting in over my head with this guy, but I should at least TRY IT OUT first, and if the sh1t hits the fan, then I can apologize profusely.

* If you have to fill out a f00k 50 page FORM / application, and the Shouldn’t-Be-Employed F4gg0ts give you a read-only PDF you can’t even edit, so you think you have to print it out and then hand-write all the info as neatly as possible, and you think, CHRIST, this would so much better for me AND for them if I could just TYPE it in there, well…..then just fire up your Word, LibreOffice, etc and create a Doc containing the exact same information called for in the PDF. Create your own editable version of the PDF in Word, basically.

* Some people might like that you Took That Initiative. Some people might think you’re a dumb 4sshole who deserves to die unemployable in a gutter. Well, they don’t deserve YOU; THEY deserve to die in a gutter.

* Listen to Grateful Dead while doing the tedious applications and don’t think about what you’re doing too much. then when you’re all done go back and scan it for obvious errors. but don’t K yourself!