DONT TOUCH A D1CK UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO COMMIT TO IT FOR TWO YEARS

july 17

924 people in 2 days. applying to an entry level 13 DAH job.

horry sheet.

i will never cease to be amazed by this. maybe they will pull it on Monday after their HR Department (ie one woman admin asst) gets back in on monday. just so they could collect 1000 applications over the weekend hahaha.

so why dont job postings list even a Low Salary Range?

Does this have the OPPOSITE effect as I think? that every tyrone and jose making 8 bucks an hour will see ooh this job pays 100k, better apply to it?

my mindset is of course the opposite: oh, no way am i qualified for this, i wont even apply. i wont apply to this 40k job, but i WILL apply to this 30k job.  maybe apply to this 35k job.

DEFINITELY apply to this 28k job.

see what I mean?

but do average people just not work like that? i dont know.

i mean the 13 dollar figure didnt keep 900 people from applying! PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE FOR 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR!

I figure thats the point: you put in ANY salary, and you will get DUMPED on with 100000000 applicants.

put no salary, you will only get the “SERIOUS” candidates hahaha. smaller pile of resumes to sift through.

therefore, 70% of postings have no salary.

i want to hear j read playing something a bit more “song oriented” than revenge. here is the ridic project he did with the singer from primordial, who has a great voice, although im not sure the two styles mix all that well.

yes j read sounds very beastly hahahaha. heck of a guy.

i thought mannequin was spelled mannequin, not manikin. wtf. why dont i call myself and ask them/me which one is correct.

now that my average job apply time is like 12 minutes, which is better than expected, i want to improve my Newly Created Jobs Per DAY metric, to at least Three Per Day. counting Weekends.  so, 21 applications per WEEK. that isnt so bad is it????

right now I am close to 3 but not quite there. like 2.8, 2.9. how am I not at 3?

because i take days off because they are no great jobs left to apply to, or i am running around getting a god damn new suit tailored hahahaha.

2 vs 3, its 60 jobs vs 90 a month.

no one ever told me in high school or Topkek Univeristy that there would be 1000 applicants for a 13 dollar an hour job! my fam never told me! they didnt know! they would be AMAZED! I am amazed! shit.

well maybe not all jobs are that bad competition wise. I know that for a fact, because some jobs have been open for 5 days and only have 50 applicants. the job descriptions are a lot shittier though, OR the jobs are nowhere near entry level.

its like its a BIG SECRET how to get an Enty LEvel job hahaha. and nobody REALLY knows how, and the ones who DO know how, keep it a tightly guarded secret and make bullshit lies and statistics and say go to college in this or that.

maybe ALL entry level jobs go through recruiters and never get to indeed. but dont the recruiters put them on indeed? maybe. sometimes. or they put the jobs on their own websites that may or may not get picked up by indeed. and I havent found a way to request that indeed “Crawl” a site it doesnt seem to be crawling.

you better make sense of everything because you gotta give a presentation to the president of the company in a few days and educate him on this, and convince him you know what youre talking about. even though you have no clue.

you can ask questions and look like an idiot…..but how do you know you’re even asking the RIGHT questions, because you dont know shit about shit. again, unknown unknowns. i wish they WERE known unknowns! but that would be too easy. only 8 dollar an hour ingras work with KNOWN unknowns.

NOBODY TOLD ME!!!!!

pick suit up from the arab today. hopefully. interview in 2 days.

july 18

ok got muh 3 applications done for the day and its not even noon yet hahahaha.

BAD! when I have the time, i am supposed to do MORE THAN 3 to compensate for the days I do LESS THAN 3!!!!!!

come on. reject me for “warehouse coordinator” and get the rejection email within 24 hours of applying? i applied to 3 jobs and was rejected by all 3 from the same latina HR woman hahahahaha. admin asst, warehouse coordinator, and machine prepper.  THANKS.  yes of course i used the 10 page packet. maybe the 10 page packet is TOO LONG hahahaha.

maybe my cover letter wasnt tailored enough.

i saw one posting today that said something like “send us a GOOD cover letter and we’ll talk.”

this is a work hard play hard sort of company. more like chained to your desk because people are afraid to take lunch. and “firm 40” means 50. and you work off the clock to appear more productive. and the only way to prove you’re not slacking is to be ABSOLUTELY SLAMMED every minute of every day.  and you want a GOOD cover letter? how bout my GOOD dik in yo mouf, inggra?

suck muh GOOD big dikk, bitch!

using aloe softsoap and now my hands smell kind of like they have been soaked in stale beer. pretty gross. not a good smell.

or that horrible smell when people drink beer all day on a hot day and start getting Beer BO. god damn degenerate drunks. how do THEY make 28k a year.

my nightmare is to get trapped by some disgusting 5 or 6 bar slut single mom that i bang just because im lonely and she lets me, and i want to use her as a practice gurl to someone better, but then she gets preggers with a poor bastard and i have to Do The Right Thing and marry the skank and raise the child hahahahaha.

i mean i AM VERYYYYYYY against abortion. Ideally I would say, give the child up for adoption, or I am getting a Financial Abortion hahahaha.

which is why its bad to bang women in the first place when you dont want to have a child with them! this IS the life creation process after all!

ok got muh blue suit from the arab tailor, it looks good, i think he made the hem too big though, or rather, just forgot to cut it. i mean you cant see it so it doesnt really matter. this is the part on the inside of the pant leg.

was in the mall for 5 minutes and saw tons of cute teen gurls. some with albanian or arab men.

women are natural born race traitors, they have no concept of race. MEN are the custodians of the race. women will just go for whatever race is STRONGER. the strong horse idea. cant blame them. its what they do hahahaha. and because whites are wimps and arabs are strong macho men, white women go for arab and other MACHO men.

dont get mad at women for being race traitors, they’re not SUPPOSED to be loyal to their race, they’re not SUPPOSED to be loyal to anything except a strong man, and once he stops being strong, she doesnt have to be loyal to him anymore!

i am kinda assmad about that part tho, because I prefer “do you promise to be faithful in good times AND BAD”

is it unreasonable to ask women to be faithful in bad times?

not if she’s agreeing to it! not if she’s getting a good husband out of the deal!

but what if its a bad husband?

in fatherland episode 35 johnny monoxide (guest) and jim talk a bit about Premarital Counseling and how it is a good idea. How sometimes you are so blinded you dont realize that you are Fundamentally Incompatible with someone cuz youve never TALKED about abortion or never TALKED about how you resolve conflict or etc etc. and the counselor brings up these big bombs to see if you can handle them. like that ridiculous movie with robin williams.

i agreed and thought it was a great idea.

so yeah i honestly….

is it reasonable or not to expect a woman to BE ABLE to be faithful to you? or is it asking too much, like asking the rabid pit bull to NOT attack everything in sight?

i’ve SEEN women be faithful with my own eyes. but they truly luv their men. often when they shoudlnt. usually these men are just stubborn as shit and they really dont give a damn about the woman AT ALL. so THATs what I need to do.

but that just sounds IMPOSSIBLE. Besides, I LIKE being able to truly luv a woman. i just want to luv and then be luved in return.

also, ok fine i will accept that women have no racial loyalty. but I will NOT let them get away with no responsibility or luv for their own children.

like saying, its ok for women to like abortion because women naturally like abortion, its who they are, they don’t really luv their children, so its ok for them to kill them.

NO. NEVER.

because rather than just breaking a persons heart or ruining a mans life….they are TAKING a persons life. A Bridge Too Far!!!!!!!!!

natural born race traitors, strong horse vs weak horse, wanting protection and security. ok that kinda makes sense. but murdering your own children NEVER makes sense.

i hate admin asst jobs that are like super high level. like assistant to THE DIRECTOR. to the PRESIDENT. the CEO. these are all essentially VP and executive level admin assistants. isnt there anything more ENTRY LEVEL hehehe.

i just dont like the idea that when you deal with a woman, you’re responsible for EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING is YOUR FAULT. no exceptions. she does something bad to you….its YOUR FAULT. she cheats on you, its YOUR FAULT. shes a bitch to you, its YOUR FAULT. she leaves you hanging, its YOUR FAULT.

but how is this NEW? Women have been doing this FOREVER!

And yeah its a big reason why i dont like them. they have no responsibility or ACCOUNTABILITY or ownership.

some alt right comment thread said that women dont have loyalty to their MEN, they have loyalty to their CHILDREN. they couldnt give a shit about their men. they don’t care about their race, they dont care if their hearts are broken, these men are not really people to them. the only people who matter to women are their children…….so when women kill their children what does that say?

did a fun new 3.8 mile walk hahahaha.

dunno. i just hate being left in the lurch. and then thinking its MY FAULT, because this is what women DO to weak men. and i was undeniably weak. oh god was i weak. so I brought this on myself. nothing about this is unexpected or unreasonable. this is just what women do with a weak man. they LEAVE YOU IN THE LURCH. and you cannot expect more. you’re wrong to expect more. because this is is what women DO to weak men.  PERIOD. ACCEPT IT.

but i don’t WANT to accept it!!!!! i want ot think they can do a LITTLE better!

for good times and bad!

but we werent MARRIED! she never made a public formal COMMITMENT to me!

well i feel she was a LITTLE committed to me, not like married, but i dunno. 3 year friendship implies commitment. entitled me to have her buck her horrible female nature — to make an exception for me, and not act like a damn WOMAN.

but yeah i like the idea of premarital counseling. just dont go to a jooish one who wants to promote white genocide and white divorce. i suspect they would push you into a shitty marriage, so you can get divorced, cuz whites getting divorced makes joos happy and richer. more counselors, more lawyers, etc.

how about a good christian white marriage counselor who wants to see the RIGHT people get married, but will honestly advise people who SHOULDNT get married.

AGAIN, this is another responsibility that is ALL ON THE MAN. You think a WOMAN knows whether you should really get married or not? FOOK NO! Why? Because its a Responsibility, and Women are Naturally Irresponsibiler than a 50 foot baby with a machine gun.

That Person wasnt very intelligent or assertive or charismatic or a great people person, but people THINK shes a good people person because she sits there and says mhmm and appears to listen, though she comprehends nothign and isnt really listening and doesnt have an original thought in her head. (again, not expecting that women SHOULD be charismatic and intelligent.)

my POINT is, you have to have PEOPLE SKILLS and not be WEIRD in order to get a JOB. so she will have an easier time getting a JOB even though she has kinda bad people skills. I have better people skills than her, but a harder tie getting a job, because I still am a little weird, and probably not as good people skills as the average man.

well, i think in the long run i do, but its hard for me to Wow people in the Short Term and to Sell Myself in the Short Term. over the long term they can see that I am AWESOME…..but that doesnt matter in the job interview.

heh i should look up this guy Im using as a reference.

well i did find his gmail address. this may be useful because his old work email address probably has been shut down hahahaha. he was a good guy. a decent human being. i liked and respected him. i never knew how old he was, but turns out he is 4 years younger than me hahahaha.  and he was a manager, not a level 2. or a level 3. he MANAGED level 1s, 2s, and 3s hahahaha. I do not think he had a hardcore college degree, i cant even find him on linkedin.

anyway, point is, i gotta wear a fancy god damn 180 dollar tailored suit to compensate for my below-average-for-men people skills, to get a job, when she just needs to sit there and look pretty and nod her head and say yes.

i am kinda assmad about having to compete with women for jobs, and i am assmad that they are handily outcompeting/outperforming me!

YOU CANT UNFOOK A COCH, AND YOU CANT UNMURDER A BABY

july 13

did i mention this gurl at the social event? now have seen her 2 weeks in a row. she is very qt and totally dateable. she has ABSOLUTE POTENTIAL to dethrone, usurp, defeat, displace, erase,  REPLACE That Person.

all because i find her very physically attractive as part of my nonslutty type. and then i infer about her personality and morality that she is nonslutty. which is topkek 4 me. in other words, i find nonslutty girls “Drop Dead Gorgeous” and I find gurls who are “secsy and they know it” to be too brazen and slutty. no need to put it all out there like that. we can TELL you’re good looking. WEAR MORE CLOTHES. no need to wear so much or even any makeup. so a woman who implicity understands this, i am attracted to her like a lightning rod.

in other words, i really SHOULD approach this woman. and I rarely feel the desire or interest to approach a woman.

yeah i guess my type is women are who Traditionally Good Looking, but its not like this woman at the pub is a Clone of That Person. there are some similarities which accord to My Type: Nonslutty, dont show too much skin, low makeup, long hair, long legs, meaty bottom and hips, I dont really care about Boobs at all, nice face, paler white skin the better, ideally not brown eyes hahaha, but usually light eyes go along with paler skin.

SUPER chilled out album here

i dont think he’s a J but even if he is i would be inclined to give him a pass. I cant find anything degenerate about this. believe me i’m trying. oh he went to a ((((conservatory)))) and probably is very schooled in ((((schoenberg)))) but oh well richters music still sounds good.

sheeeit applied to state job less than 5 miles from home, 29k a year, YES PLZ.

It was real nice to see that new woman at the pub event and think, ya know, if i were hanging out with her, and she was being nice to me, and cuddling with me, and giving me Dat Ass, and being loyal to me, i would TOTALLY get over and forget about That Person. That is how much potential this new woman has.

i mean shit, she could be a HUGE slut. she doesnt LOOK like one though, and that’s a good sign.

but she hangs out with this gay man who I think goes to COLUMBIA. I do not have that kind of social capital. Even at my best when I was going to a Prestigious Univ…..it wasnt as prestigious as COLUMBIA. people from around here just dont go to ivy league schools. where I went was high tier prestige. i wish it could get me average jobs or average women now, 10+ years later, hehehehe.

that feel when you are first person ever to add an archive.is of a job posting from a company with hundreds of full time employees who make way more than you ever will. they dont even know how 2 archive.is!!!

but yeah even though its frustrating that i was too much of a coward and loser to approach that woman (the new woman hahaha), it was moreso encouraging and positive to think I could have ANY INTEREST or ATTRACTION towards a new woman, beyond being some damn pump and dump slut. Like I actually wanted to date, marry, and Make Babies with this new woman hahaha. I would play the Life Creation Game with her ALL NIGHT LONG. and she would have some BEAUTIFUL, healthy white babies!!!!!

i mean she would probably be leftist because what college education woman isnt, but as long as she had a low partner count, and a super low abortion count, then I could mold her. but

you can’t unfook a coch, and you can’t unmurder a baby. 

oh thats good. thats the kind of CREATIVE you get paid 28k a YEAR for.

14 Words, 14 Dollars an hour, makes sense to me.

anyway i was sitting in the damn emergency room waiting room yesterday from like 6 to 9 am which is never a fun thing, regarding the favor i was doing for my friend who is trying my patience, and i was like there will hopefully not be a lot of people in here at 6 am on a tuesday. and boy would i not want to do this job. pay 80k for nursing school just to work a midnight shift at a damn ER with fooked up ingras and white trash and foreigners and nonwhites. no thank you.

a fully white man with a neck tattoo came out of the ER  and immediate asked for for a cigarette, lighter, anything. I did not have any on me. I prob would have given him one, to help a white out. he had no shoes on and was wearing a GPS or alcohol or house arrest bracelet on his ankle. he was asking about whens the next bus come around. is it ok if i fall asleep here while i wait 2 hours for the bus, i do not want to go back to jail for sleeping in an ER waiting room. thats fine, said the security guard, just lay your head back, and do not lay down on the chair.

what a fooking ridic situation. healthyish white man about 26 years old and this is what it comes to. He sat uncomfortably close to me and asked me to peel back the top of this little cup of apple juice they gave him. I hoped he wouldnt start talking to me at 7 damn am. thankfully he did not.

but then these damn indians or pakis came in with donuts and coffee, a guy and 2 girls, all in their 20s, and they were chattering and being pretty loud. the women were shrill and annoying. they were laughing and giggling and practically having a damn party in an ER waiting room while that white guy was trying to nap, I was sorta trying to nap, and for all they know, our families are dying in there and we are just waiting for an update. the ER waiting room is not a place for FUN and giggling and banter, in other words.

they were there for at least an hour. my first assumption was that they were indian medical students doing some kind of ER clinical rotation for medical school. but didnt have the people skills to know that its kinda rude to act all boisterous. future doctors here.

but yeah what i dont like about women is that they are horrible at human decency. treating people the way you want to be treated. the golden rule. common courtesy. treating relationships and people like objects. not even making the slightest effort to be kind or decent.  treating people and relationships like disposeable, replaceable, throwaway objects and nothing more. HOW CAN YOU TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THAT????????????????!!!?!?!?!?!?!

thats the bottom line: HOW CAN YOU TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

ok i am behind on keeping up with the New Job Stream, and ALSO on actually applying.

which is more important?

applying for jobs. ESPECIALLY if you have daily email alerts for some (but not all!!!!!!) of the Most Important Unmissable companies.

yeah. so, more important to apply for jobs, ASSUMING you have some B+ or even A rating jobs to apply to. I guess when you clear all those out, THEN go back to The List. Well I have like 14 jobs with high rating to apply to!

but yeah what do you say to a woman who is 8 years younger than you, makes more money than you, is further along with her career than you, has had much more relationship experience than you hahahahaha. well that last one is all women.

see you have plenty of foreveralone guys like me who have never had a real gf, or have only had short term dating abortions which lasted 2 or 3 months tops. literally EVERY woman has had SOME kind of long term rel that has lasted at LEAST a year. a long period of time where there was secs, cuddling, hanging out, spending time together, luv, loyalty, and monogamy, over a long period of time.  all women have experienced this. we foreveralones NEVER have.

maybe have pseudodated a woman for a few weeks where we were desperate for them to commit to us, hang out with us, be with us and us alone…..but they were never willing.

oh well. got 5 applications done today hehehe.

so them having Longterm Relationship Experience is FINE. just because you have experience with that, doesnt mean you have LOTS of Short Term Rel Experience. just look at That Person.  I mean you wont be able to FIND a woman WITHOUT LONGterm rel experience. thats FINE. it’s SHORT term rel experience you need to worry about.

even though sure i admit it IS a little intimidating thinking ALL women have long term rel exp, and you have NONE. at 35 years of age, 19 year old gurls have something you’ve never had, hahahahahahahahaha.

dat feel when you have been diligently jobsearching for a while and then you notice jobs get REPOSTED that you applied to like 2 months ago. you say OOO theres a grade A job I should apply to! then you say hey I already applied for this 2 months ago, or something very very like it at the same company, same location. and now they would rather repost the job than call ME? so does that mean I shouldn’t even bother applying AGAIN? I mean they already HAVE my info, without a doubt. unless they routinely throw all that shit away.

so should you reapply? I GUESS. It will show you are motivated and persistent. but Don’t hurt your Average too much applying for it. shit yes you should count it towards your Stats. your average, your total (676), etc.

so yeah. dont worry about the long term rel…..although should you LIE when she asks you about YOUR long term rels? because its really WEIRD and CREEPY when a guy has never had a GF. I would say, yeah, kinda lie. say that you had a few gfs but it didnt work out, water under the bridge, not much to say tbh!

even though you have written books and books about bitches that you never actually dated or fooked hahahahaha.

not much to say tbhfam!

yeah i guess you SHOULD lie because women like DOMINANT men and you’re NOT DOMINANT! so really until you get your first LTR under your belt by BEING DOMINANT, you have to LIE about Being Dominant!

but I would really just call it FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. nothing wrong with that. sounds better and is better than LYING. as a moral man, you dont like LYING. i get it. i’m the same way. so, faking it till you make it is not the same thing as “LYING.” 

how do you approach a qt nonslut who you are actually INTERESTED in, when you are a huge old short loser virgin?

you say, ayyyyyy bae i got a lesson for you. YOU CANT UNFOOK A COCH AND YOU CANT UNMURDER A BABY. drop mic then walk away, and then she will run after you, immediately take your coch, and then murder your baby like it aint no thang. EASY PEASY.

july 14

ok did my big day of shopping and went to JCPENNEY and they did have a good suit selection. found j ferrar brand suit with 95$ coat and 45$ pants. the color jumped out at me, it was blue but also kind of grayish. not a super duper dark blue. unfort it will prob be difficult to pair the coat with normal dark blue pants. its not a very dark navy blue.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-first-kid-my-family-graduate-from-college-have-scars-valentine?trk=hp-feed-article-title-editor-pick

idiot gets engineering degree and ends up working a job you dont need any college for and still in college debt hahaha. i bet he is a virgin too. no i kid. this guy actually has a very good work ethic, and an actually useful degree, and he does deserve better.

but yeah go to jcpenney, they have thousands of coats, then try them on till you find you Jacket Size. There was a bunch of middle aged Whites working there when I went so I trusted them, but it was sad they didnt have a better job. the 55 year old white man was able to sound confident and be like yep this size looks better than that other size. and no we dont do tailoring but there is a tailor in this mall that we direct people to.

then i went to the tailor and enlisted their services to shorten the legs and the arms (i am a very short manlet) for 40$ total.

so, essentially $180 bucks for a Tailored brand new suit. yeah a little pricey but as long as I can get 2 to 3 years out of it. it does look a lot better than what I was wearing.

and i learned muh suit size hahahaha.

also i got a nice red tie.

also got some “dress shoes” that are actually really cheap and kinda look cheap hahahaha. basically got the cheapest “Dress shoes” I could find. 30 dollars and kinda look like they are made of plastic hahaha.

heard a story about how when we were at our event the other night, and I was ogling that New Woman with the long legs and the long dark hair and the pale skin who didnt look like a slut, my colleague noticed in his rearview mirror, a man gyrating his hips behind the car. when my colleague drove ahead, pulled the car around to shine his lights at the guy, he saw that is was actually a guy AND a woman, in fact a sleazy trashy looking couple who had been grabbing each other in the pub earlier, and he was banging her IN THE PARKING LOT, not IN a car, but UP AGAINST the exterior of a car, so that the whole world could see.

DEGENERATE! but I kinda wished I had seen it too. We all left at the same time, so those degneerates were out there when I left too in other words and could have seen them if i were looking.

as i recall it was an overweight 40 year old potatoe shaped single mom white trash tattooed woman hehehehe.

but yeah thats an EXTREMELY slutty bad thing to do. if i found out my wife to be had EVER done that, i would DUMP her. that is a sign of extremely poor character.

so easy to eat over the limit. i am 1000 calories over for the week and its only thursday hehehe.

anyway jc penney was MUCH better than kohls in terms of suits.

its fookin retarded anyway. why do you NEED matching coat and pants.

got a new belt too. which i needed. cuz the old one was all wrinkled, and was too big. cuz muh weight is up and down like crazy over the years. a damn roller coaster.

whoops did not get ANY applications done today.

sooo uhh got 1 week to think about this other interview i MAY have NEXT friday. i thought they were a recruiter at first, but they were actually a company i applied to.  i THINK. outsourced business processes. so the law firm is outsourcing their mailroom and coping staff to a Business Process Outsourcing company, who I would be working for, not for the law firm.

11.50 an hour. eh could be worse. FT days schedule though, that is awesome.

but this isnt a recruiter, i am talking to the damn employer. and i was treating them with the casual attitude i would treat a recruitar. yep lemme call you back if i really want the interview. they probably thought i sounded like an asshole hahahaha .

WELL I will try to decide by next wednesday hahahahaha.

ok how about next tuesday. anything like this i need to sleep on hahahaha. oh shit i must have made a TERRIBLE impression on the person who called me! like yeah i DONT KNOW if i want to interview with you, lemme call you back, which is my “classic” move when I am caught off guard by recruiters. well this wasnt really a recruiter.

but i mean they basically are.

shit yeah its hard to relate to women, because even if a woman isnt a huge slut, even a normal nonslutty woman has no idea what its like to be a FOREVERALONE hahahahaha. they can’t relate to ME, and I can’t relate to THEM.

it is like being ALIENS to each other.

but THAT WOMAN accepted me as a foreveralone! she didnt judge me for it! she still thought I was cool!

UNTIL the moment when I wanted to date her. THEN she was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED, shrinking back like nosferatu getting hit with sunlight.

THE THING IS, we never really TALKED about my foreveraloneness. The MOST we ever talked about something like it was when I talked a LITTLE bit about the Previous Woman and how it was taking me a while to get over her (like a year, hahahaha.) so i was like yeah thats why i acted so weird when we saw that woman and I was so desperate to avoid her. (the previous woman came into our place of work hahaha and That Woman saw her and said hey didnt that woman used to work here, because i only get interested in women i work with, because its the only way i get to meet and talk to and sort of become friendly with women, hahahahaha. and I said oh shit and said yeah I’m gonna go do some work over here, I don’t really want that woman to see, I’ll explain later. and then I went to a very casual friendly dinner with That Woman and explained why.

however I did not go into detail about my foreveraloneness. Just the story of the past couple years up to then. not the past 10 year or anything. and then we talked more about her failing rel with her longterm live in boifran. remember i would not fall in luv with her for about another YEAR after this point.

so yeah, she NEVER really learned a LOT of details about my past. I never talked about the women I DID have short term rels with hahahaha. she didn’t know i was a foreveralone or that i hadnt dated anyone in 8 years or hadnt had secs in 8 years or whatever it was 3 years ago haha.

DF POST BY ME in a thread started by 23 year old virgin male who is lonely and autistic as FOOK but I Sympathize Empathize with him. what prompted me was that he felt guilty about having a preference for white women, him being a white. GR8 B8 M8!!!! I had to disabuse him of that pointless guilt before going into the much more important issue of meeting and getting to know women.

Great topic! First, I would advise to not feel guilty or ashamed about any racial preference as regards dating/intimate relationships. I think @redacted put it much more nicely than I could. People can definitely be a bit “tribal” and I think this is perfectly natural. However, there are also “different strokes for different folks”, and other people are very open to dating outside their race. But I once had the same fear you did. As time passed, I stopped worrying about it and just accepted my preferences as they were.

The more important point in my opinion, is the idea of getting to know somebody before developing deeper feelings for them. My ideal is similar to yours, where people gradually go from strangers to acquaintances to friends and finally to something beyond friends. I don’t think a serious relationship CAN be “rushed”, and it seems strange to me that people can go from strangers immediately to “lovers.” I suppose they might not really be true “lovers” after such a short time, but are rather just “going through the motions”, but I am biased because I’ve always been like this, I’ve never been comfortable with “casual dating” at any point in my life.

For a while I thought this might be considered “demisexual”, which is where a person can only feel physical attraction to a person when there is some kind of emotional connection/relationship already established. I’m not sure how related this is to asexuality, which I also thought I might be. Ultimately, I concluded that I was a pretty standard basic heterosexual who just had a strong preference for monogamous long-term relationships.

Not sure if you’re aware of the concept of “love shy”, there’s a big Love Shy forum out there. In my opinion, this ties in pretty well with the concept of “Forever Alone”, which is usually somewhat introverted young men who go through their twenties struggling with dating and relationships, and then there is the concept of the “wizard” or thirty-year-old male virgin.

Hmmm not sure the point I was trying to make, other than you are not alone! For me I was not just introverted, but definitely shy, anxious, and awkward when it came to socializing with women. Just pointing out the difference between introversion and shyness; some introverts are not shy, but I unfortunately am both, and I wonder if you may be too. (Not sure if there are any extraverts who are shy, but that’s another tangent!)

Basically I just wanted to keep this thread alive and give my long-winded 2 cents, which is that I mostly understand where you’re coming from with this, and I have no great advice! I just wanted to give you some support that it’s really no problem if you have a preference for dating people of your particular race, and especially to the idea that it’s very natural to not really develop deeper feelings for a person until you actually get to KNOW the person.

Of course, getting to know a person can be very challenging if you don’t see the person regularly!

And there’s also the implicit issue of approaching, which I always like to make explicit! In other words, shy, introverted men are usually not getting lots of women (or even people in general!) approaching them/you/us. It is definitely intimidating knowing that the bulk of the responsibility for initiating/approaching is on you, and that is something you’ve never been particularly good at! (I could be wrong – I’m mainly speaking for myself as a shy, introverted male!)

And again I have nothing productive to say about initiating/approaching!

The last thing resembling a relationship I had with a woman was, she was a new person at my job, and I am generally friendly and open and helpful to new employees as a rule, because I appreciate how nerve-wracking it is to learn a new job, and I hate the feeling of being “thrown to the wolves”, “swim or sink”, etc.

So as I was talking to her about the job and just being generally nice (“It’s an easy job, you’ll be fine, don’t be nervous, everyone is very nice, you can ask anybody questions anytime, especially me, I love helping people out”) we then began having small talk and chit chat, which I thought I didn’t like, but I enjoyed small talk with her. (I suppose I don’t really hate “meaningless small talk”, as it allows you to develop a rapport and familiarity and comfortability with a person.)

And through the small talk, I found we had common interests in music and movies and TV and current events, and could get into longer, more detailed conversations about those things.

After a few months of that we were getting along very naturally and very positively. As this pattern continued, we became friends who hung out outside of work.

After about 2 years of this, a switch flipped in my brain, and I fell hard for her, and that spelled doom for our friendship/relationship, and the whole thing ended horrifically for me.

The point of that anecdote is that

1. it takes a long time for people like us to get to know someone and become real friends with them, and that is fine.

2. feelings can change over time, so that you can fall crazily in love with a friend you’ve had for a few years.

Now, I’m not suggesting to make friends with women at work, and I know you are having some struggles with work right now as well (as am I!!!) But the reality is, people spend a lot of time at work, which gives them proximity and familiarity with a group of people that they don’t have elsewhere, and it can be a kind of “springboard” to getting to know people, and making new friends. (it can also be a springboard to bullying and conflict and gossip and abuse and drama etc)

I guess the ultimate point is try to put yourself in positions where you see the same or a mostly-same group of people on a regular basis, which is what it seems you were trying to do with the gaming meet-up, but it also sounds like that is not working out very well, and that it’s also not very conducive to talking to people.

Personally I play blabla once a week and that has been great fun socially. Now I am not really close friends with the people in my blabla group, and I haven’t really met any new women, but it is a regular social outlet that I am thankful for.

So I might tentatively suggest to look into local blabla teams, it seems to be growing in popularity the last couple of years, so there should be something in your area. Basically you just go out to a local bar/restaurant and play a live game of blabla and win prizes.

Sorry for the super-long post everybody!

Also do you think you would qualify yourself as shy as well as introverted? Because that can definitely be a “double whammy” when trying to meet new people, but certainly not insurmountable!

END POAST

YOU DONT HAVE TO BE RELIGIOUS OR CONSERVATIVE TO BE AGAINST MURDER

[but i do officially recommend being religious and ESPECIALLY being ultra conservative!!!!!!]

june 13

merry crimbo hahahahahaha

oh wow here’s a new one, they demand THREE letters of recommendation before you can even SUBMIT your application. well, with a salary in the mid to high 30s, they SHOULD hahahaha.

i pulled up something that was given to me in my Layoff packet over two years ago, that wasn’t really a recommendation, more like saying he wasnt terminated for cause, there was a restructuring and he was laid off to cut costs, we hope you give him every consideration hahaha.

got ELEVEN job apps done by 3 pm. WOW. JUST WOW.

rather than delete the bookmarks, i move the bookmarks to a new subfolder called, very sensibly, “completed applications” hahahaha. i can always delete that in the future.

did not have a dream about HER last night, although I did dream about naked women and it was pretty much pornographic. even though I haven’t looked at pr0n in 7 months. I chalk it up to just generally being Horney and Thirsty and not having touched a woman in 10 years hahahaha.

of course after i woke up I thought, wouldn’t it be nice if I could have had luving secs with That Woman, and had her sit on my face, and just grab her as I buried myself balls deep into her cvnt with her big fat thighs wrapped around me and her big fat ass sitting on me etc etc oh god i should never be thinking about that.

BUT she wasnt actually in the dream thank god.

then looked for jobs, got thru indeed for the day, had a longass list of way more than 11 jobs, and started blasting through them, and got through 11. good enough. way better than 4 or 5.

doing some laundry for the first time in like 2 or 3 weeks hahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeit.

mutrk

I generally have very strong opinions about abortion, as indicated in the study. Even though I am politically conservative and somewhat religious, I think being anti-abortion is neither inherently conservative nor inherently religious. Therefore, I like to encourage secular and/or leftist anti-abortion groups….of which there do not seem to be many, unfortunately. My view is that you don’t need to be conservative or religious to consider abortion immoral, and I am not happy about pro-choice groups have tried to frame it as a strictly religious issue…..when it really isn’t. For example, atheists can be opposed to violence and aggression, and no one says things like assault and murder are strictly religious issues.

Personally, I think abortion represents a huge misunderstanding and disrespect for human life, and that is is comparable to slavery in terms of immoral things that are legalized and accepted by Western society. I think the way abortion is “sold” to young people does not prepare them in the least for thinking about the deep moral questions of human life and death, and some women only come to a deeper understanding many years later, and experience great guilt and regret over doing something they didn’t fully understand at the time.

I also challenge the idea that men are not allowed to have opinions about abortion because men cannot get pregnant.

I encourage you to look at Secular/Non-religious pro-life groups such as
http://www.secularprolife.org
to begin to introduce a perspective that you can have completely non-religious reasons for being against abortion.

I am committed to helping researchers produce research of the best quality and I am happy to give very detailed feedback on any studies. Please contact me through mTurk if you are interested in having a very high-engagement and detail-oriented research participant.

end mturk comment. hahaha it was a morality study saying how moral is it to abort a baby at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, etc, then showed a picture of each month. I put “100% extremely immoral” for everything but 1 month, where I put 94% hahahahaha because at that point, it looked like literally a clump of cells. in hindsight, I should have put 100%.

but i sure gave those baby killing bitches with their phd’s a piece of my mind hahahahahahahaha

it just goes to show you how terrible these college kids are, when they wont even listen to ATHEIST antiabortionists. they just knee jerk with WOW. JUST WOW. HOW CAN ANYONE BE AGAINST ABORTION. ITS 2016.

because they think you have to be a Narrow Minded Religious Evangelical Conservative to be against MURDER.

YOU DONT HAVE TO BE RELIGIOUS OR CONSERVATIVE TO BE AGAINST MURDER.

It’s ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING how the LEFT has twisted the issue like that. that you can’t even see murder as murder without being a conservative religious idiot.

so I always liked the guitar playing of sammy duet but I stopped listening to his band goatwh0re because i just find the singing to be a turnoff. I wish sammy just did the singing instead of their main singer, who is a nice good guy, but his style is……not my preference.

so it is with some curiosity that I look at this “ritual killer” project which features a different singer, and which is supposedly more raw that gw. and also features the original drummer of gw. I saw GW live a couple times when they were just starting out, and they were great, classic, top 5 shows. like during the time of their first 2 albums. i think i only ever saw them when they had the first drummer. after that I just couldn’t listen to their albums anymore hahaha.

which is a way of saying, i hope this ritual killer album turns out to be ok.

yeah they’re all degenerates hahahaha. the singer has tattoos on his FACE and i think they actually do satan worship. I used to think sammy was the coolest guy ever, and I even took a picture with him when I saw GW once hahahahaha.  but……he’s probably a degenerate too. i hope if he has any children he is a good father to them. also i hope he is less degenerate that I suspect he is. because he is a white man and all whites are capable of being non degen. i hope he does not do too many drugs.  hope this album is good (“exterminance.”) it is SHORT, so that’s usually good. hope the guitars are heavy and there are lots of blast beats and that sammy has more than 10% guest vocals hahaha.

but i can appreciate some good hateful, fast, raw black metal. I wish goathwore was rawer and more hateful hahahaha and had a different singer. i also don’t like his lyrical style, his lyrics make no sense and use the word “this” wayyyyy too much, and so then he’s always SAYING “this” in his annoying voice hahahaha. when I was 19 years old, I used to LIKE him. i did quite a 180. he’s still a decent guy I guess…..but just retire from singing and have a damn FAMILY , white man hahahaha.

well here’s that album i just mentioned. I just listened to it, the whole thing in one sitting. it was not bad. not bad at all. vicious and face ripping. tons of blast beats. I would have liked a little louder cymbal on the drums but still not bad. very sharp and ripping guitar sound. not enough screaming from sammy but the main singer is not bad. i can recommend it based on the guitars and drums alone. brings me back to 2000 when goatwhore was fresh and scary and evil. this RK sounds pretty evil and hellish. its kinda raw I guess. but for a fan of sammy who wants to enjoy gotahwore but cant, this RK is pretty good.

some noisy solos in there too. blasts in every song. a couple very rocking riffs sprinkled throughout. not bad at all. hateful and evil and a bit degenerate but also fun. but not TOO much fun. not a bunch of smiling happy phaggots. and I can actually tolerate the vokills.  3.6/5 bretty good

this is not bad at all and would be a great thing to listen to while exercising briskly. like Jogging, which I have not done in a while.

i was listening to the nationalist review, which is done by a guy on trs, well, at least 3 or 4 guys on trs,

the guy who leads it is no1 who I first heard on the fatherland, well this is his main show, and he’s really good. really likable marine officer, can’t believe he puts himself out there like that. his cohost natt is a danish guy who is really funny, just a huge arrogant asshole hahaha. and here they have andrew anglin on as a guest.

oh god bless these men. I don’t want to be on an Alt Right Podcast just yet, but I wouldn’t mind meeting and talking with some of these guys.

My own skills would be best used on a Neetcast however.

maybe doing a partnership with Millennial Woes. He is most like me personality wise in that he is prone to great despair, doubt, and neetism.

oh good god, no1 and natt do an episode with EVALION

subscribe to this guy already hahaha.

i dont need to dnate to him because he makes 148800 dollars a year as a marine officer hahaha.  plus they havent put the dnation hat out yet.  but i did find his email address on paypal hahaha.

june 14

2 jobs down, 8 more to go hahaha. also go see SHRINK today, yaaasssssssss!!!

well at least i appear to be losing weight again. probably because i am losing muscle hahaha.

8 down, 2 to go. damn. gotta go to shirnk very soon. took shower today, thats good hahaha. wanna not look and smell like a slob for the shrink haha. also when i was an employed bigboy, i did take a shower before every shift and come in nice and clean.

went to shrink, that was ok. talked about job search and shit, a little bit about that woman. i said it sucks, i learned lessons, but it jsut wasnt worth it. but then shrink said well arent I a stronger better person at the end of it all? technically yes, i am a better person in the end. so that IS KINDA worth it.

also the fact that I couldn’t make the same mistake again if i tried. there is no way this will ever happen again. it just CANT. Im not even worried about it. i have been changed permanently so that this will never happen again. in terms of being more assertive abotu communicating and stuff.

so i have become more mature and stronger and better able to DEAL with bullshit like this.

doesnt mean it wasnt ridic painful or stupid! because it was!

ok i will go back and listen to the old goatwhore albums. i really liked their first two albums. maybe i can still listen to them.  i mean there was some really good songs there, and maybe the vocals dont sound as bad as I fear.

anyway. yes i HAVE been permanently changed by this horrible experience. but it is possible that I have been permanently changed for the better……once we get to the end of it all. i am not quite there but i def am getting there. i still think of her obviously. pretty much every day. but it’s still a lot better than it was. but yeah i really need the distance and the no contact. i couldn’t do it with no contact. it takes well over a year just for her memory to even start to fade a LITTLE.

its like craving for heroin a YEAR after you last touched it. shit.

you stop craving for heroin like two WEEKS after. but HER, THAT WOMAN, I still crave for her a YEAR later. well, 11 months later hahahaha.  such that I cant even substitute anyone else. i mean, if i were trying to get off heroin, you can bet id be taking a LOT of MJ hahahaha. MJ helps you quit anything hahahaha.

MJ would probably help me quit this too heh.

but i just think about her and how good it USED to be and how much I luved her and how the hell am I gonna find that with another woman?

this IS a special thing that should not be treated like a casual cok carousel! you CANT get these feelings easily!

so i guess i should not expect to.

listened to that goatwh0re album, the first one, eclipse of ages into black (2000) and it def has staying power, it was great fun, and i didnt hate the singer so much. he still said this and these too much, but on some parts he is quite enjoyable. the lyrics are a frustrating mix of honestly quite good, and then filler tryhard this these fluff. for me the mainstays are sammy’s guitar and the drummer. they play very well together. and i like the old drummer better than the new drummer….who is not bad at all. indeed, probably sammy shifted his style as gw got older. some say they became more straightforward, and that they were “darker” and “more atmospheric” in the beginning. this might be true.

its not a huge secret that sammy is pretty serious about his devil worship, but i don’t know the details. i kinda would like to. like he literally does black magic and probably cuts himself. but he seems like an otherwise normal guy. not all suicidal and autistic and such. well, maybe he is bipolar. all these fookin musicians are bipolar. i heard he used to do Coke. hopefully he doesnt do too much of that. well, its better than meth hahahaha.

so sammy why not try orthodox christian. they are darker and more solemn and shit. youre gonna worship SATAN? I thought this was cool when I was 16-23. not when I was 45 or however old he is. you can be dark and “evil” and essentially worship GOD hahahaha. If he has a wife and children I hope he is good to them. Doesn’t neglect them so he can get drunk and do drugs and worship satan. but what I like about his style is that he writes tons of very catchy, very effective riffs. he is a riff machine. a riff factory. a true riffmaster in every sense of the word. not like nile, dumping tons of incoherent riffs. sammy dumps slightly less riffs and they are all a lot catchier. but still heavy, hyper, and fast.

WOMEN SHOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT AS MUCH AS I CARE ABOUT GETTING THEM PREGNANT

 

may 5

sorry not sorry i am always talking about abortion. any sensible person would agree its a big deal.  i wish there were MORE pro-life (yes I like that term) activists who were not super religious. I mean its gotten to the point where being pro-life, anti-abortion has basically become SYNONYMOUS with being a religious jesus freak weirdo, and the ONLY people who are against abortion are bible thumping, gun toting, gay-hating rednecks. my type of people hahahahahahaha.

but I will accept ALMOST ANYBODY as a pro-life ally: even filthy leftists. it seems weird to think of an anti-abortion leftist, but maybe there’s a few. and that could be a good point of entry into saving them from the left.

good thing I know how to turn unknown unknowns into known knowns and become an expert without hand holding

google is your friend

google pro life groups that are not religious

http://www.secularprolife.org/

this is one of the first results, that means they are a big one. hey i dont have the gift of discernment or judgment, I just take what google gives me hahahaha.

i mean i just don’t understand how being anti-abortion is strictly “A RELIGIOUS STANCE.” oh now were talking RELIGION.

NO, we are talking general morality. like mill and philosophy 101.

or even gayass libertarian nonaggression principle. dismembering your screaming fetus seems pretty aggressive, man.

i mean it just sounds patently ridiculous to me, to think that you HAVE to be anti-abortion for religious reasons. it seems just like common sense, kinda like how most people have common sense that murder is wrong. ((((somehow)))) people have been convinced that abortion is not murder, that the clump of cells is not a actual person.

http://www.refinery29.com/2015/10/96229/pro-life-millennial-activist

pretty sure refinery29 is a shitty pro-murder feminist leftist degen site, like jezebel. but decent article on pro life millennial gurl. and horrible comments from pro-murderers hahaha.

http://www.prolifehumanists.org/

another group i guess? kinda shitty website.

http://www.prolifehumanists.org/changed-mind-atheist-becomes-pro-life/

skinny friendly looking gurl with a polish surname, ok checks out, thumbs up for her. and she seems strong and courageous, taking an unpopular view among atheists and being hated by promurder atheists. So good for this courageous and strong young woman. that is a strong independent woman I can support! one who defends the right of our youngest, most vulnerable humans to live!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secular_Pro-Life

oh we already saw this one. its shameful how leftist atheists will turn against one of their own, when that person defends the rights of the unborn. ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. and as a fairly catholic rightist, I am very welcoming to the pro-life atheists.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2014/03/11/yes-there-are-pro-life-atheists-out-there-heres-why-im-one-of-them/

the cute atheist girl from prolife humanists writes an article here which got 4000 comments hahaha.

http://www.lifenews.com/2012/02/28/confessions-of-a-pro-life-atheist-why-i-fight-abortion/

this guy doesnt have his own group but he points out that even atheist hero chris hitchens was probably pro-life hahaha.

http://www.aul.org/

americans united for life

group of lawyers trying to change abortion laws. the secular pro life founder gurl went to law skool and went to work with them.

http://www.catholicworldreport.com/Item/1909/atheist_secular_and_prolife.aspx

article at a probably catholic website abotu SPL and some of its possible predecessors, including a j00ish randian pro-life libertarian who split with rand over abortion.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160427000025/http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/oct/05/abortion-opposition-religious-atheists-must-help-fight-for-choice

scumbag at the guardian sez:::  “opposition to abortion is inherently a religious position, just like creationism or opposition to LGBT rights. ”

um no. hahahahaha. what have i been saying. its NOT an INHERENTLY religious position.

http://archive.is/FZ5nP

pro-murder atheists brutally bash the cute polish anti-murder gurl, doesnt matter that shes an atheist too. not that I like that she’s an atheist!

these people are truly VILE. just reading it for 1 minute makes the ole trigger finger itch hahahahahaha.

this is at freethoughtblogs dot com, which I absolutely do NOT recommend clicking on. hence the archive of their evil.

http://frc.org/arguments

pro life arguments for secular audiences. family research council. I know leftists hate this org.  FRC Stands for Faith, Family, and Freedom and is a bigass think tank.  but are they cuckservative zionists hahahaha.  will I accept cuckservative zionist pro-lifers as my allies hahahahaha. oooosh. now theres a REAL tough question. I mean you do realize who has been behind the abortion movement goy.

http://hopeafterabortion.com/

this one i guess is founded by catholics but will help even damn atheists who are feeling bad about their abortion.

i dunno. i just think its STUPID that something as common sense as being against Murder, has been made into something inherently religious, inherently “whackjob conservative”, inherently “anti-science”, inherently “anti-intellectual”, inherently extemist, hateful, bigoted, etc.

you dont say ANY of that about someone who’s against murder. most people ARE against murder!

and 60 years ago, people had the same common sense abotu abortion!

google secular pro-life groups

http://thebelltowers.com/2013/05/01/pro-life-without-god/

article by SPL founder gurl

http://www.nrlc.org/

right to life, biggest and oldest pro life organization. this does not look like religious wingnuttery to me!!!!!!

plan b aka the morning after pill aka “EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION” wow.  not the same as RU 486 which is an abortion pill which can be taken at 5 to 7 weeks.

some shitty buzzfeed article (redundant to say that hahaha) from some sex positive sex educator slut who gives you 16 things you didnt know abotu the morning after pill.

if they put as much interest and initiative and studying into Moral Questions and the Rights of the Unborn as they did into Contraception and Consent and Exploring Their Sexuality……………………………  they would probably become anti-abortion. but they don’t and they’re not. largely because of how they choose to focus their time and efforts. isn’t this birth control NEAT! it allows me to enjoy my Sex Life Responsibly, and get maximum enjoyment!

i think it was the SPL group who had a bumper sticker saying “i might like sex, but I dont like it more than life itself” or something. there are more important things involved in sex than just your god damn physical pleasure, you god damn sicko degenerate.

people have a ton of sex ed in public school about condoms and contraceptives and abortion, but not a god damn word about Morality and Life Creation. So I think women are just IGNORANT because they havent been introduced to these topics. the same way a level 1 tech support person is IGNORANT of all the potentially useful stuff out there, like log files or process monitors or ways to automatically restore a crashed program.

theres all these unknown unknowns happening in the black box of the uterus. of course even the woman herself doesn’t know what goes on down there! in her own body!

its sad. well i think the more intelligent person will be curious enough to say, well when does life ACTUALLY begin.

also I am myself biased because i went to a religious high school and was raised in a religious family so naturally i had it drilled into me that abortion was wrong. but then i rebelled against all that during my college years, and i do mean ALL of it. religion, GOD, morality, pro-life. I became a full blown leftist communist marxist k1ke and supported womens right to abortion.

thank GOD I eventually grew out of that phase!

maybe if i had a gf or even was just banging bitches, i would be more in tune with the life creation process. like i always worried about getting a woman pregnant, even when there was no risk of me having actual secs at any point! i guess i always felt that getting pregnant was a real big deal, and i didn’t want it to have to come to the point of abortion.

thwart, dont abort as one of those groups said. meaning its ok to use rubbers. just had to mansplain that to all the ignorant women out there, hahahaha.

is this just because That Woman didnt seem very smart? very sharp? and I felt I had to mansplain everything to her and she just didnt GET things?

but she had two years of college and had a good GPA at it! so I think she was smarter than she seemed. but she was polite enough to know that being a smartypants is impolite.

i dont know. i am not intimidated by intelligent women. there’s just a big differnece bew

i bet religious pro lifers are more tolerant of atheist pro lifers than general atheists are!!!!!!

tons of recreational sex can warp a womans mind, and a mans mind too.

but also tons of pornography and tons of vidya games and no contact wiht women can really warp a mans mind too.

not sure what my point is hahaha.

maybe the only thing that will get a woman to think serious about the issue of abortion, is if she gets damn pregnant. and even then its no guarantee. she might just go ahead and do it because she believes what her teachers and society tells her: its a clump of cells thats a part of your body and you can do with it what you wish. its JUSTICE and FREEDOM that women have fought so hard for, against evil oppressors who tried to enslave your body. you getting an abortion is an act of social justice! you go grrrrl!!!!!!

white cadillac: a drink of whiskey (or scotch?) and MILK hahaha. the fatherland mentioned this and said it was a very black drink, but it was surprisingly good and really helps you sleep.

If i still drank I would be curious to try that hahaha.

google says no, the white cadillac is galliano and white creme de cacao?

anyway i like depressants that relax you and put you to sleep ahahaha.

yeah i overwhelmed her and that sucks, but she abandoned me and that sucks even more hahahaha.

took a little nyquil, i am back on taking a little nyquil every 2 or 3 days. ideally 3.

may 6

yeah that nyquil was all right.

listen. i dont consider myself super religious. i have always had pretty weak faith and very strong doubt. my moral code has been…..basically I try to give nonreligious reasons for all my moral opinions. and in doing so I believe I am getting at the same line of moral thought GOD and gods and deities have used to say something is wrong. thomas aquinas often appealed to “natural law” as well as scripture.

and its infuriating to me when idiots say anti-abortion is an inherently religious issue, when its so not.

THIS IS one of the great LIES the ((((LEFT)))) has pulled on us.

like one of the secular pro life groups says, you dont need to be religious to want to protect human life.

i hate how da j00s have made this a religious nutjob issue, instead of a BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS issue, like it really is. like SLAVERY. or the way they made pushing FOR abortion into a Human Rights and Freedom issue.

isnt that grotesque? arguing FOR abortion is a human rights issue, arguing against abortion is a religious nutjob, anti-human rights issue.

we cant allow them to frame the argument in this horribly misleading way!!!!!!!!!!

and encourage young dumb girls to do something horrible that they dont really understand!!!!!!!

which essentially makes them worse people , and they dont even understand why. they just become crazy and destructive and awful.  that’s your mind and soul acting out of rightful guilt for killing your baby hahahaha. but this guilt needs to be addressed. otherwise it can damage the lives of the people around you too. like if you sabotage your relationships with the people in your life. cheat on them, hurt them, push them away, abandon them, be a crazy bitch to them.

YOUR BODY DOESNT CARE IF ITS RELIGIOUS OR NOT.

Your Child Your Murdering doesn’t care if its religious or not.

(i would passive aggressively write “your” instead of “you’re” when I was texting or messaging her, because she was such a moron she didnt know the difference, and I wanted to SHOW her how ridiculous it looked…….but not knowing the difference, she never grasped it. people who have completed 2 years of college with a high gpa should not make these mistakes.)

yesterday i learned elliott smith was a college graduate who worked shitty random low wage jobs after graduating from a liberal arts college with a philosophy degree.  he also became a nutcase lunatic with big problems with drugs and alcohol and despair. but at least he became a successful and respected musician.  he could use his Issues to make a lot of actually good music. I cant do that hahahaha. and it wasn’t enough to help him!

yet he was clearly charismatic enough to get jobs and to get gurlfrans! there is solid evidence that he had secs with at least 3 women in his life ahahahaha!

what would have helped him? i guess he actually went to rehab but didnt like the 12 steps. ok thats fair. so do a non 12 step program.

near the end of his life he went cold turkey off all drugs and alcohol. but he was still taking psych meds for depair, also benzos for anxiety, and adderall for ADD when he died.

hmmm. I would say yeah get rid of the drugs and alcohol and then slowwwwly taper off the psych meds if you really want. or maybe just give them a chance to try to work.

maybe he was all on edge from quitting drugs and alcohol, and that actually gave him the Anxious Impulsivity as well as the Energy to Suddenly Kill Himself without thinking. just grab the knife and stab himself and then as hes dying he thinks, OH SHIT, i didnt really want to do that!

so yeah its sad. but musicians are a weird and crazy bunch and he probably was obnoxious to be around. musicians are selfish and annoying. they sell out their friends and luvers so they can obsess about their shitty music. but at least his music was not shitty.

but yeah i didnt know he had finished a college degree. like me it was a useless degree that didnt help him get a proper job. After college his music career gradually took off. can’t say the same happened with me hahahaha. I don’t really want to write songs anymore. I wrote one ok song after college and I’m happy with that, but, just dont care about writing music. I care about being a free, proud man, and finding and good wife, and securing the existence of my people and a future for my children.

and upholding the DIGNITY and SANCTITY of human life. I tell you what, a pro-life woman is also probably NOT gonna be a huge slut. because she fully realizes the power of the life creation process, and is not gonna have casual sex ever. MY KINDA WOMAN.

A PRO LIFE WOMAN IS MY KINDA WOMAN.

Yeah I happily use the term pro-life, because it makes the anti-lifers so ASSMAD. BUTTHURT. TRIGGERED.

and its just sad that modern women are such MORAL INFANTS that they cant recognize the moral horror of abortion, that unborn children are living humans, and that Fun Sex is the Powerful Process that creates these innocent human lives. If you can’t grasp these things, and SO many people don’t, you are a moral INFANT.

no men arent innocent either. but women have a little more responsibility here, because only women have the POWER to get pregnant.

so i feel better when i read testimonies by staunchly pro-life women. I wish I knew some real life staunchly pro life women. I guess I sort of do, some older religious women hahahaha. but i especially mean younger millennial women. marriageable women ahhahaha. potential wives.

nothing says i’d make a great mother than a woman who openly says i support the right to murder my own children!!!!! hahahahaha.

i still have the desire to smoke MJ. i still want to rationalize why its not completely degenerate, turning promising young people into lazy losers.  i say well it can help with despair and anxiety. maybe in the short term, but in the long term, it just makes these things WORSE! or does it?

like i’ve said, back when I was working my terribly stressful job and dealing with the stress of that woman and our rel getting worse, coming home after a long horrible day and not having a lot of time before the next horrible day, smoking MJ was easily the high point (hahahahha pun sort of intended) of my day. in these bleak conditions, I much preferred having MJ to not having MJ. it really provided some much needed relief. helped me sleep when getting good sleep was very important. so it is this experience that makes me think MJ isnt so bad after all.

or is it???!?!?!?!

horry SHEET it costs THIRTY DOLLARS A MONTH to buy linkedin premium on the LOWEST plan, for Job Seekers. are you KIDDING???!?!?!?!?! I would have maybe thought about FIVE dollars a month. how the FOOK can they get away with that? who is paying that shit!!!!!!

the REcruiter plan is one HUNDRED dollars a month. does that mean all these 27 year old attractive women IT recruiters contacting me for help desk call centers are each paying 100 dollars a month for their linkedin access??!?!?!?!?!

I would pay 5 dollars a month MAYBE. yet they can get away with charge SIX TIMES that for what I am looking for.

does that mean its SIX TIMES harder to get a job than I think? And I already think its kind of hard! that you need to apply for about 7500 jobs before you finally successfully get a job. so maybe you really need to apply for like 48000 jobs? hahahahahaha.

Privileged Baby Boomers didnt have to apply for 48000 jobs in 1970 to get a fulltime job that allowed them to have a family and live in a safe neighborhood!

you just got out of high school and starting working!

people with BAD ATTITUDES could be hired for good jobs! you just had to be WILLING TO WORK!

applied for account clerk 1 with county family health service department. like 26 k a year. ok thats more my style. probably talking to poor blacks all day complaining about not gibs me enuff food stampz mufugga. gibs me mo food stamps what can pay fo mah bluntz and hennesey.

and then i would be like silly negro, food stamps cant pay for booze, take it up with the fedgov. its because fuhrer god emperor trump doesnt care about black people hahahahahahahahahahahaha i will say as I strike a pepe pose with my trump hat hahahaha.

i have applied for countless jobs on this county job website and havent gotten so much as an invitation to a damn test. the city has been much more active on that front than the county.

does MJ HELP despair and anxiety……or does it make it WORSE?

ok i did it, just sent my first dnation to TRS. I have been wanting to do this for a while. I would have just sent 5 dollars but you have to send them BTC so I sent them .01488 BTC which is $6.75. FINE. they are all about the 1488 and really so am I!!!!!!!

other people i would like to donate to are millennial woes and weev. but I would rather save those for another day hahaha. dont want to blow my load all at once.  and maybe a secular abortion group like the one with that polish gurl who is very courageous and principled and moral. there is probably less “OVERHEAD” here than with a large org like right to life with lots of paid staff hahaha.

http://www.businessinsider.com/trickiest-interview-questions-from-best-companies-in-america-2016-5

stupid dickhead questions for jobs, where the best answer is suck muh dick you worthless virgin f4ggot and then walk out after farting tons of taco bell fartz in their faces.

no one has ever luved a person like i luved her, and had their heart broken like she broke mine, hahahahahaha. this is the first time in all of history.

but honestly. just show some common courtesy to someone who used to be your friend at least. its not like i sold you out and belittled you and showed you how little I cared about you. quite the opposite! i didnt do anything to make you feel SNUBBED and worthless. like you did to me hahahaha. just tell me I mattered a little bit to you and you are sorry to hurt me and wish me good luck in life and say goodbye, it was nice knowing you. you can say all that in 140 characters or less.

Now I cant even look at qt college gurls on linkedin because I have made myself fully public and they will be able to see my name if i look at their profile. Assuming they are also set to public.

you didnt have to luv me. i just really wanted you to show me a LITTLE caring and kindness, rather than ABSOLUTE ZERO. I kinda did feel entitled to a LITTLE kindness.

to that person: yeah I should have been more clear about exactly how important you were to me. yeah I see how those feelings would be scary to a person. and make them run away like a scared animal. but I wish you had come back and said something after your initial fright. even before I got feelings  I felt our friendship was pretty special and pretty good, and I think you did too. I wish when it all ended you had expressed appreciation for that nice friendship we had. Even without feelings, that was a special friendship to me. It’s not every day you meet someone and get along with them so well, and you continue getting along well for several years. I don’t make friends like that very often and have never had that many close friends. I think you are the same way. But now I don’t know any more. because the person I thought I knew would probably say something to me. Its ok to be angry. Its ok to be scared and nervous. I just wish you wrote me an email. I wish you didnt hate me for getting feelings. It makes things awkward and complicated and yeah it does ruin the friendship and I am sorry for causing you pain because of that. I just wish you didn’t hate me for it. You totally running away from me and blocking me hurts me a LOT. Is this some kind of punishment for me liking you? Maybe. But I think being blocked and ignored is inherently more hurtful than getting feelings for someone.  I never wanted to hurt you. I wish you cared about not hurting me.  This is the worst endings to one of the best relationships I ever had, and I was just asking for your cooperation and effort in ending it a little more smoothly, and you couldn’t even agree to do that.

end of letter to that person for this post hahahaha.

did a 3.64 mile walk outside in the nice may weather. wonder if you can get real vitamin d from the sun when it is after high noon. hopefully a little.

protip: if you are “lucky” enough to share significant musical interests with a woman, don’t ever go to a concert of that person with that woman. like you like the musician enough to actually want to go to their concert, and she does too. just go by yourself and try to make sure she never finds out about the concert hahahaha. cuz seeing a musician like this will likely be an important positive memory in your life, and you dont want it to be Tainted by her being there. because you are much more likely to have a falling out with her than to stop liking that musician. and your thing with her will end, and you WONT EVEN BE ABLE TO ENJOY THE MEMORY of when you saw them in concert because SHE was there with you.

I say this as a person for whom concerts of beloved musicians are Big Important Life Memories. You will know if you are one of those people.

I saw not one but two very important life concerts with her and now I can’t really enjoy those memories as much as I SHOULD. because they also partially remind of me of HER. And how we shared important musical tastes. and got along so well wawawawawawaw.

but yeah its so fooking gay when management has no idea how to do the work done by the people they manage. which is why managers should be promoted from within. or at least be SOLIDLY trained in the work their people do. or come from the same industry.

 

MURDERING YOUR BABY HAS CONSEQUENCES

may 5

This fookin guy does a real talk video on despair and su1c1de after a friend of his recently K’d himself. now I have never consistently listened to AURINI, but I dont doubt he’s an ok guy. He probably repented for banging his other friends wife. I wonder if thats the guy who K’d himself!

no i dont hate aurini, he seems like an allright guy for the most part, his voice is just so annoying and he’s spergy and really no 40 year old man should not have a wife and kids. well some mgtows probably want these things but cant get them so they make a youtube channel as a substitute to express themselves. I do something similar.  i am lonely and desperate and needy and clingy for a good wife hahahahaha.

prolific yt commenter frances haypenny tells a horrible story of her husbandos friend who had an evil bitch wife who drove him to S001c1de, leaving 5 kids fatherless while she begs for money on gofundme and enjoys fookfests with latin men and now you have 5 white kids who will grow up to be batshit crazy. so sad.

ok now i have an actual interview for the part time 13 dollar an hour job that I have taken 3 hours of testing to get to this advanced round, where I will be grilled by 3 very higher ups for a damn 12000 dollar a year job.

maybe the job is just taking angry phone calls from city residents ALL DAY and finding creative ways to give them the runaround and protect the city higher ups from doing any work and being held accountable hahahaha.

Nope Not my problem, nothing we can do, call someone else, i dunno who. a lawyer. a plumber. a mechanic. best buy geek squad. comcast. not my problem. it is what it is. cant be fixed. no explanation. if you need an explanation, you’re not gonna believe the explanation anyway. i am the supervisor. i don’t have a manager. yes i’m practically a C-level executive VP.  next!

I dunno. everyone who works at the city seems ok. well except the city council, nobody likes them hahahaha. but thats different. hey i am a concerned citizen, i actually watch the city council meetings a couple times a year hahahaha.

ok. will bring a 3 page resume, a 1 page resume, my 2 letters of recommendation, then when I write a thank you email to hopefully all those people on THE DEATH PANEL, will include attachments of those documents as well.

if people want good technical support in their companies, there might have to be a REVOLUTION. or customer support for that matter. hire more people, give them regular training, make them take less calls, give them more power, not penalize them for long calls, make the higher ups accountable, give them good wage and health care, not chain them to their desks, let them do stuff other than take phone calls all day. have weekly meetings and actually relevant useful training.

yep all that amounts to a REVOLUTION hahaha. it really does.

interview.txt:

I will need to take 3 to 5 days to do a full audit of your systems. I will then need to write documentation and knowledge base for your systems. Then I will educate and train all users on proper use of the systems. Not simply tell them, if this happens, push that button, but empower them to be able to use the system proactively to prevent issues from occuring, and also have the basic skills to resolve simple issues independently. This will minimize the need for a dedicated IT Support Staff. Build service contracts with vendors for when serious problems do occur. Don’t hoard and hide knowledge in an unethical way to make yourself seem more indispensible. Write clear, complete documentation and make it available to all levels of users on the intranet.

this guy I know just waltzed in and pissed all over the previous IT Guy with this type of Real Talk. the previous IT guy was fired on the spot and the guy I know offered the job. Now he is a retiree just looking for a part time hobby really, so I hope they dont overburden him. I was talking to him about “the interview” and the job, since at first they were really vague, but they were unhappy with their IT Guy. who seemed to be a loose cannon information hider.

I hate information hiders but I know IT Guys can be twisted into mean nasty trolls by their company and the higher ups. but this is a smaller company and the IT guy deals directly with The Owner, so…..i don’t think that’s the case.

I am optimistic that my Acquaintance will Walk Out if the thing gets too time consuming and or ridiculous. He is a stable, steady, confident 65-year old man who has had a full, rewarding life of marriage, children, grandchildren, and lots of World Travel. He has met Tom Petty. He has been to Rhodesia. He has seen Led Zeppelin and the Doors. He has been just about everywhere in the world. He has gotten into bar brawls with Cowboys and has knocked bar douchebags out cold with Roundhouse Kicks. He really is one of the most Interesting guys I have met in a while and does not have a big head about it all. very down to earth and friendly. great guy. good role model. I am still not sure what his career actually was. I thought he was more on the business side than the Engineering side. He was definitely not an Engineer or a Scientist. I think most of his travel was for Business. He does not have a masters degree. not sure what his bachelors degree was. I know he played College Football and probably had the attention of a lot of Cute College Gurls. Like I say, he is around 65 years old. Solid Baby Boomer. He probably Slayed plenty of College Pvssy but was still able to find a good wife. He is a very solid man however. like, not a loser. he is able to pull a good woman. and definitely a smart guy, at least a 114 IQ on him, hahahahahahaha. His children grew up to be successful, make money, and give him some grandchildren.

I don’t like asking him about all these personal things but I am slowly building my catalog of this information hahaha. I think he might have been married twice and the first one did not last too long. any woman would be a total idiot to divorce him. maybe he divorced her because he realized he could do better, hahahahaha.

Very good masculine presence on him. I can only imagine what he was like at age 20, pumping iron and slaying college pvssy in the late 60s, early 70s. horry sheet.

no he did not go to a fancy pants college, he went to a super normie college that everyone in the area who went to college at that time went to , and which thousands of people still go to, which has produced many successful grads, which anyone with a brain knows is a decent school, but no one outside of the state really knows about it, the Campus is not super pretty, and people at my highly selective University scoffed at it as a third tier toilet. but hopefully changed their minds once they got out in the Working World and met some perfectly smart and capable grads of that school. hopefully. or they just went to orgs where everyone went to harvard and mit and stanford and duke and columbia. fook that hahahahaha.

well, i will go into the interview, let them bust my balls with tuff questions for 30 minutes, and then I will be free to go. Hell I am free to stand up and leave at any time if they begin busting my balls too much anyway! not that that is likely to happen.

but if I can sweat bullets on a 3 hour phone call, bullshitting out of my ass, then surely I can handle a 30 minute interview. and if they dont like my answers, fook em. hire one of the other 100 people hahahaha.

no its not cost effective to interview 100 people, that’s why you have two fooking rounds of stupid testing just to get to the interview. and some of those 100 people walk out of the stupid multiple choice test.

The second test was a lot better, re using word and excel and seemed much more relevant to the job. They could have given that one first, but it was certainly too much work to check. a 100 question multiple choice test can be checked quickly with a scantron.

again i really feel underqualified for the FT job there, and wish they had a FT opening that was a little less on pay grade. So I have a better chance of getting the PT job in other words. I mean its better than nothing but I also know PT jobs make me lazy hahahaha but FT jobs make me crazy hahaha but every adult man MUST have a FT job, thats simply THE RULES.

comments in that aurini video refer to how the root of all sin is SHAME, and christ was trying to rid us of shame. I cant say I agree with this. I think a little shame is a great thing! and you should feel shame for the sins you commit. Of course then you should feel shame, then repent, then receive GODS forgiveness and mercy, then move on with your life not burdened by shame, but also wiser and stronger and more virtuous and less sinful.

ARE YOU TELLING ME that IT Higher Ups don’t know about the existence of, or how to set up, a “process monitor” that checks the health of certain important processes, so that if an important program which you can’t see crashes suddenly, it give an error box, and also automatically restarts, and gives you another unmissable error box if it can’t restart.

so it’s up to the level 1 idiot to dream up such a thing and find a way to implement it.

when you dont have teachers or mentors or trainers, you are like a feral child or wolf. You find a way to survive day to day, but you often miss very basic fundamental things, which in hindsight SEEM obvious, but it REALLY helps to be taught those things by somebody. you can save yourself YEARS of struggle and stress and wasted time. just to have a Mentor teach you some key Best Practices.

like yes, there ARE Process Monitors that do this. nobody told me about them. I’m not sure if our company used them. they SHOULD have, because we had a lot of important semi-hidden programs that would often crash without warning and disrupt all sorts of shit! I would think, jeez, for such an important program, there should be something that keeps it from crashing, or at least starts it up again automatically if it crashes! I’m not a programmer so I don’t know how to build that program, but can’t they do that?

then I read something recently by a programmer talking very technical language on how to do something like that on like a linux server. but what about windows?

Like I say, i don’t LIKE this tech shit. it doesnt INTEREST me. I just became OBSESSED with how things worked, because my job was to fix weirdass problems, and I hated not understanding the problems or solutions! It was more an unhealthy obsession than a healthy interest. It drove me crazy rather than made me stronger or tougher or better.

As I Tell My Daughters, a Fallen World Isn’t Fair

catholic blog linked to from the fatherland, seems pretty straight. no you shouldnt blame girls for getting raped, but you should also teach them about the unfairness of the world, and parties with lots of alcohol are not great environments for young women. dressing like a whore gives you the worst kind of attention from the worst kinds of men. sex should be treated with the respect it deserves, as the sacred life creation process. its not a motherfooking GAME. teach your daughters to be careful as fook. how to avoid danger, and also the “near occasion of sin.”

The World Thinks Sex Is Boring

same author david mills writes about sexual morality and how people are so degenerate that the safety and security of a monogamous rel is simply not exciting and dangerous enough, well fook these degenerates

http://aleteia.org/author/david-mills/

so you need to build in “pockets of distance” to spice up your boring married sex life, advises the guardian or some shit. (for dumb women: thats a degenerate british newspaper, very marxist/progressive/degenerate/evil/sinful.)

http://aleteia.org/category/relationships/

hahahaha.

yeah i cant find the mission statement but its a catholic site. but what KIND of catholics? new agey bullshit francis loving catholic heretics hahaha? or good old skool traditional catholics?

How Do I Tell My Daughter I Had an Abortion?

hehehe well first be grateful that you have been able to raise a young woman in todays world who is morally intelligent enough to oppose abortion. and good for you for being ashamed of your abortion and hopefully repenting for it and raising a daughter who would never have an abortion. maybe you don’t even NEED to tell her. that will just complicate things and theres no NEED to tell her. of course it will bother you, you want to be honest, but consider that part of the Lifelong process of repentance for your Abortion hahaha. murdering your baby has consequences hahaha. WHO WOULDA THUNK IT. MURDERING YOUR BABY HAS CONSEQUENCES.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/thecrescat/2012/05/fifteen-years-later-and-silent-no-more.html

hmm the catholic advice columnist has had TWO abortions herself. but has a good article here, saying the abortionists just treat it as a clump of cells, “a heavy period”, and the young scared women dont even REALIZE the GRAVITY of what they are doing!!!!!

good lord has EVERY woman had abortions? this is sad and horrifying.

Well there is apparently a ton of catholic women who have had abortions and they left heartbreaking comments on the above article and are showing a level of insight and awareness and thoughtfulness and remorse that I find appropriate. in other words they learn their lesson eventually, it just might take 20 years of grief and pain.  and certainly makes many women even MORE batshit crazy.

but yeah great comments. and i certainly dont hate these women. I feel sorry for them and I would probably forgive them and GOD in his infinite mercy has already forgiven them.

In fact, these “post-abortive” women might be our strongest warriors in fighting against abortion. for example, when you say youre a catholic, no one takes your anti-abortion Screeds serious, but when you say you’ve actually had an abortion, then you have a better chance at reaching them and changing their mind!

so in other words, women who have had abortions might be the best anti-abortion activists!

therefore, lets encourage all women to have at least one abortion hahahahahahahaha.

I shouldnt have to mansplain  moralsplain GODSPLAIN why that is a bad idea hahahaha.

if a woman were willing to tell me she had an abortion though, I wouldnt automatically cast her out. I would appreciate the courage and the trust to tell me something like that. that is a tuff thing to tell people. but I would want to have a deeper discussion on how she feels about it now, how it has changed her, how she views life, and what she would want to teach her children. in other words, has she suffered and changed and become pro-life. or does she had no remorse, no regrets.

everybody sins and does bad things. me too. and it sucks that women are so available, in NEAR OCCASION if you will, of such a god damn horrible sin, and are told by everybody that it isnt a sin, then they have to come to terms with that sin, and live with it the rest of their lives! the guilt would drive me crazy too! and it is my male privilege that I will never be in near occasion of that sin!

so yeah i dont envy women. really satan tempts women a lot more than he tempts men. thats why he went to eve before adam hahahaha. women are more easily corruptible. you can literally plant sin and evil in their womanly uterus so they can become Mothers of Sin And Evil hahahaha.

also see plenty of men praying for help with their Struggles with Pornography. good for them to realize its a bad thing and there is no reason to ever look at it.

someone in that patheos article commented that abortion is wrong not just because it offends god, but because its just plain bad. like smoking cigarettes is not just a way of disobeying your parents, but it also gives you cancer. thats WHY they forbid it. and its exactly why GOD Forbids Abortion. even if there was no god, and as an agnostic, there might not be, abortion would still be horribly wrong. this is the kind of Moral Intelligence I want WOMEN to show.

its easier for nonreligious people to say that Murder Is Wrong. But they have a hard time saying Abortion Is Murder.

it really is one of the biggest moral issues of the day. thats why us religious fanatics go so crazy about it. nonreligious people should be going crazy about it too. smart nonreligious people often rightfully conclude that it is horrible. like my buddy millennial woes.

how did i get so obsessed with it? not sure. like I said, once anyone starts really thinking about it, they should reach the same conclusions! but Evil Forces in our world try to convince everyone Its Not A Big Deal.

lets play what if again hahaha. what if that woman confessed to me she had an abortion. well I would be shocked and appalled but also humbled that she trusted in me to tell me such a secret, deep, dark thing. but I would also want to have the courage to have a deeper conversation to see if she learned an important moral lesson from it……or just forgot about it as an unpleasant part of her past. would she do it again? or was she changed for the better? becoming a pro-life warrior who would never do anything like that again? or was she trying to push down the guilt? would she feel any guilt at all? would she do other abortionlike things, like abort a person in a relationship, like me? would she deal with the Consequences in a mature, courageous manner, or just run away and try to forget? But overall I would forgive her, and appreciate the Intimacy and Trust needed to tell somebody that, like some women never tell their children or friends or family. so i’d appreciate that. but i’d also want to know, what did you learn? would you ever do this again? surely you have to have an opinion on it NOW.  either you’re an unrepetent sinner hellbent on murdering babies, or you recongized the error of your ways and have VOWED to NEVER do this again. theres no middle ground on something so egregious.

of course the pro-choice people paint it as something not egregious at all. so yeah you DONT have to be all MORALISTIC about it. its a nuanced situational choice that must be made dispassionately.

or the woman who had to have TWO abortions before she came to jesus hahaha because she didnt really learn anything between the first and the second. didnt do any serious reflection.

I was frustrated that That Woman seemed unwilling to do Serious Reflection on Serious Things……like our Relationship. and what I meant to her. and my Pain.

just THINK about it. don’t IGNORE it.

and i think this is a similar thing many women do with abortion. they dont WANT to think about it too deeply, because what they find might scare them. so just get it done fast.

who writes the contracts for contractors? I would HOPE that an attorney writes the contracts, because I know Contract Law is a big deal. but I’m not a lawyer. or a contractor. Maybe they just use template contracts from Nolo.com or avvo.com or robert shapiro.com . contracts written by contract lawyers, but you just buy a book of them for $50 rather than pay a real lawyer $400 an hour to write your contract for you. seems like a good way to cut costs goy.

 

 

ABANDONING A FRIEND IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ESCAPING AN ABUSER

may 4

Awesome post I just made in that epic despair forums thread:::::::::::::::::::::::

excellent points! I think a fair amount of people might arrive at MRA or MGTOW after repeated disappointments, rejections, and failures with women. I know I did! But as I have become more of a “traditionalist white knight”, I have moved away from that element, saying “wow, these guys really DO look like a bunch of basement-dwellers who are trying to make themselves feel better about their total failure with women, by building it into a social, political, philosophical movement. And I don’t want to be one of those bitter, butthurt neckbeard woman-haters, etc….”  Possibly myself buying into the negative stereotypes about MRAs!

But I think a lot of us don’t avoid unflinching, brutal self-examination either: “I keep getting rejected, maybe the common denominator here is me!” In fact, this first brought me to “Game” when I was a fairly young man, before I moved to MRA/MGTOW.  I thought, maybe there’s something I’m doing wrong, I hate to be a victim of circumstance, maybe I can take some responsibility/ownership/agency over this.

Game is controversial for many reasons: it’s dishonest, manipulative, insincere, mechanical, amoral, immoral, creepy, etc. I had no interest in the most extreme “Pick Up Artists” and I preferred more “intelligent” writers like Heartiste/Roissy. Also there was the sense of “I’m not THAT weird and creepy, I’m basically a decent person, I can make regular friends, do I really have to completely retrain my brain just become attractive to women? Is it really supposed to be this hard? It’s not that complicated, I’m just shy around women! Millions of men have been through this!”

For me, the most important lesson I took out of Game could be boiled down into two words: Be Masculine. (or, Be Confident.) As a not super-masculine guy, that is probably where Game could help me the most. But just like hardcore MGTOW, I think one can get tunnel-vision if they spend too much time reading this kind of stuff.

Game eventually brought me to MRA and MGTOW, as I wasn’t just concerned about my own personal failure to attract women, but also the broader consequences of feminism and strained male/female relationships on society at large.

But I wonder if Game implies more of a sense of personal agency than MRA/MGTOW (sorry to lump those two terms together, I know not all MRA’s are MGTOWs, haha), in the sense that Game says here’s a problem I have some control over, while MRAs might say, the system is rigged against us, and there’s nothing we can do but just stay away, not get involved.

For me, much of it was partially related to my own resentment about my own constant failure with women. I don’t regret the time I spent in these movements, as they have taught me many useful things about a “red pill” perspective. But some of Game and some of MRA were too much of a “black pill” for me: watching the world burn, enjoying the decline, nihilistic, Fight Club, Joker sort of mentality.

Now, I do realize we are possibly living in the Kali Yuga and have to “Ride the Tiger” as Evola says, hahaha, but now I believe that men and women can be partners in this struggle.

I’ve just tried to integrate it all into an ongoing synthesis. I’m not a helpless victim of big bad women or misandrist society, and could probably improve my results with women by taking personal action on very “simple” things like be more masculine, be more confident.

However, we DO live in a “fallen world” where the dating scene seems very grim and disgusting: people having casual sex with multiple people they meet on Tinder, women being fooled by shallow caricatures of masculinity rather than choosing a more healthy masculinity. (Choosing “thugs” and “Bad boys” and “deadbeat losers” over more reliable men. This can also come from not having good masculine role models growing up, such as a decent father.)

However, I also fully appreciate women’s role as the Choosers in mating, simply because women bear all the reproductive risks of getting pregnant. It frustrates me that many women don’t seem to understand this, though. All the contraceptive technology and changing attitudes about sex will NEVER change the fact that women are the ones who get pregnant, which essentially makes them the choosers. So when some women say “The double standard is BS, women should be able to have casual sex just like men,” I shake my head sadly and view it almost like a “baby with a gun”, meaning they don’t realize the awesome power they hold. With great power comes great responsibility, haha.

Basically, I just wanted to bleat about my own special snowflake perspective on relationships, haha!  My personal opinion is that a healthy, loving relationship is a beautiful, possibly sacred thing, and is a goal very much worth struggling and sacrificing toward, and I have accepted that it’s not supposed to come easily. (However, I never thought it would be this difficult, and it’s very hard not to compare yourself to others: oh look, that person is only 22 and they have been in a relationship for 4 years, I would really like to know what that’s like, someone to cuddle with who doesn’t immediately dump you, bla bla bla.) The changing sexual attitudes in society have also been very damaging to both men and women, under the guise of “liberation” and “freedom” and “equality” and “exploration/discovery”.

I would like to get married (probably not a legal or state-sanctioned marriage, haha) and have children, as I see children and family-building to be a very natural and beautiful step in the Circle of Life, haha, which is just as naturally and beautifully preceded by a healthy, committed relationship to act as a foundation for that family. Yeah I admit this is very idealized, fairy tale sort of stuff, but I HAVE seen normal everyday average people who generally embody these ideals. Basically just try not to have children with a deadbeat, haha, but we can also see around us many sad examples of people who have hit this pitfall.

But I also think some MRA/MGTOWs come across as bitter and woman-hating and think All Women Are Like That (AWALT/NAWALT/etc.) I too am bitter, and especially bitter right now, as I am still very much struggling with a HUGE bitter heartbreak, and REALLY trying not to let that influence my opinion of other women. But I really don’t want to BE a woman-hater. It’s really no fun, haha. I don’t want to hate women! I also don’t want to keep a “safe distance” from women. I really would prefer to have women in my life rather than not.

I’ve never been sure How Many Women Are Like That: 51%? 49%? 80%? 99.9%? 10%? I just can’t get a good read on that, and that actually gives me hope. Like if I truly believed 99.9% of women were two-faced evil scammers…I would essentially already be a woman-hater, haha. In other words, I believe the number is much more likely to be closer to 50% than to 99%…..and I am cautiously optimistic it could be well below 50%!  (Whenever I don’t know what a proportion might be, I always assume 50%, and then hope to be pleasantly surprised, hahaha.)

I have been moving away from “egalitarianism” however, in that I believe we need to fully embrace the differences between men and women. Women can get pregnant and therefore have the right to choose their mate…..but with that comes the responsibility to treat sex very carefully and to choose wisely. And men do have the responsibility to protect and provide for their woman. Also I believe women are more inclined to groupthink and conformity, so when our society is promulgating some very disturbing attitudes, women may be less inclined to question that mainstream authority, while Serious Men such as ourselves think much more deeply on the the implications, haha.

I get sad when I see MGTOWs in their 40s and beyond. I think it’s a shame this man didn’t get married and have children, he would probably be a great husband and father. Well….some MGTOWs, haha. I much prefer a guy like Bernard Chapin to Bar Bar, for example. So I am personally thankful that I “moved on” from MGTOW well before age 35, hahaha. Also it’s sad to see 18 year old boys proclaiming themselves as MGTOWs. Yes there are crazy risks in getting involved with the wrong women, and yes our society can give incentives to tempt women over to “the dark side”, but I firmly believe the potential rewards of a good wife and family outweigh the risks of having your life ruined by a Borderline Personality. There is really no reason to “give up” on women.

But yeah, I hear ya! I totally understand that one’s own personal experiences can deeply influence the way we view the world, for better and for worse. The same thing happened to me!  And as you move through life, your viewpoint can change over time. For example, I have not become any more successful with women, but I think my view of women has actually become more positive.  (Not that we should avoid “pessimistic realism” just because it is pessimistic, or avoid talking about very real and serious problems!)

Also if you have any tendency towards Aspergers/autism/spectrum that can definitely play an important role. Some speculate that autism is a “hyper-masculine” way of viewing the world, in the sense of logic, reason, thinking, possibly overthinking, haha, and also really struggling with relationships. And it’s certainly true autism spectrum conditions are MUCH more prevalent in men than in women. (I think, haha. Too lazy to find a good source.) This may all make the somewhat Aspergery man feel very alienated from women, which IMHO is not a good feeling!

I’ve also heard anecdotes of autistic men who do very well with women, simply because they always speak their mind and seem to have great confidence, don’t care what other people think, etc. But I’m guessing this is moreso the exception than the rule, and that these men are probably skewed towards being very physically attractive.

ANYWAY I don’t want to get off topic too much, but the themes in this thread are right in my wheelhouse, haha. Also I want to give a more “fair and balanced” view of MRA/MGTOW to the women, as this is not a men-only forum, and over the past several years, I’ve seen mentions of MRA in surprisingly mainstream media (or comment sections of), and they are always stereotyped as paranoid women-haters who can’t get over their own failure with women and therefore paint all women with the same brush. So I wanted to defend the legitimate concerns of MRAs, while at the same time admitting that yes, there can be a component of personal issues with women. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, haha.

As always feel free to keep this epic thread going!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////END AUSTRALIAN QUALITYPOST

the OP is a spergy 30 year old virgin who is into some mgtow stuff and i can relate quite a bit to him, except he is more spergy, and more bipolar. and more mgtow. i am trying to gradually pull him over to white knight white nationalism hahahahaha, but he is probably too much in an misanthropic black pill nihilistic libertarian phase. maybe i will get banned from the forum for my woman-hating hahaha.

god forbid youre a woman hater, hahaha.

no i;m not really a woman hater! i’d much rather be remembered as a Huge Racist, than a woman hater!

im a sexist sure, but not a woman HATER!!!!

i’m a racist sure! but i dont…..well im dismayed by nonwhites in my neighborhood being annoying, and i am hugely dismayed by white women being huge whores. i dont like seeing women of my race throwing themselves away (and by extension, our race.) (but I guess even though women create life, the responsibility falls on the man to really guide the preservation of our race. and this has been real hard for me to come to terms with. how can women, who can get pregnant, who bear all the risks, not care about their race at all? i’m not sure. i’ll never be sure. but they just don’t.)

WELL….some women do. SOME women are still sensible enough to not even WANT to mudshark. SOME women are sensible enough to want to date men ONLY of their race. i just need to find those type of women, those are definitely my type of women.

its not just perception. its that rejection and loss is LEGIT PAINFUL.

its like you dont tell somebody with cancer to just get over it, cancer is legit horrible!

ok rejection and loss is not THAT bad, but its still legit pretty bad! it’s not all a matter of perception!

when somebody important LEAVES you in such a CALLOUS, SUDDEN way!

It’s not ESCAPING AN ABUSER. This is called ABANDONING A FRIEND. two very different things.

It’s not that I had no ownership over my feelings. It’s just that she had SOME ownership over my feelings too, because she was the one who rejected me! and she made no effort to be nice about it!

i wasnt asking her to not reject me! I was asking her to reject me a LITTLE nicer!!!!!

thats what i want her to understand! and the court of women to understand! I’m mature and reasonable enough to know I can’t EXPECT someone to LOVE me! But I CAN SORT OF expect someone ive known a long time and not abused or betrayed, to reject me a little more considerately!!!!!

but life isnt fair!

but nobody deserves this! life being unfair doesnt give anyone the RIGHT to BE unfair!

and i deserved better treatment from a friend of 2.7 years!

shit yeah i am harping on that point but thats my best argument.

really? THATS my BEST argument?

well its not a BAD argument, is it?

a better way to phrase it would be: we were friends for 2.7 years, couldnt you even write ONE EMAIL? ONE TEXT? ONE WORD?

wow. my RAM came in on wednesday and I quickly installed it without issue. even though i had never done this before. that was kind of confidence building but I wouldnt want to walk OTHER people through it! I didnt even realize that you couldnt used DDR3 with DDR2 motherboards! i thought things were Cross Compatible!

good thing I got the right kind of memory and it was recognized by the computer!

still dont know what SODIMM is. i just know now that DDR, 2, and 3 have the little notches in different places so they wouldnt even FIT in a different slot, youd have to BREAK it.

download SPECCY from piriform to show you all the specs of your computer that windows wont show you hahahahaha. like if you have DDR2 or DDR3 RAM. what your version of BIOS is.

i cant explain any of this stuff. I just know Its A Thing. I dont CARE to UNDERSTAND it. i’d like to see HER explain it.

id like if she would just talk to me wawawawawawawawawawawawawa

the right person wouldnt need to come BACK to you, because they would never LEAVE you in the first place.

or if they did, you would probably be in communication with the person and there would be a lot of mutual struggle back and forth.

not them not contacting you for 9 months. at that point they are not gonna come back. you shouldnt WANT them back!!!!!! but i do.

oh yeah. lyin ted dropped out. did i mention that? that is YUGE. i did not expect that at ALL. I thought he would fight right up to the convention. I mean this is good news, cant stump the trump hahaha.

something would be wrong with you if you DIDNT feel severe pain after a big loss. this is normal and healthy for humans. its not just PERCEPTION or ATTITUDE. when you Lose a Loved One you SHOULD be sad, sometimes VERY sad. And I’d rather be TOO sad than not sad enough! at least I know Im not a sociopath! SHES not sad ENOUGH!!!!! or maybe she is, shes just not telling anyone, hahaha. keeps the pain bottled up and just goes out and fooks and pretends everythings ok. fooks some random guys, creates a few random lives, gets a few random abortions, no big deal.

hahahaha. yeah I will never shy away from portraying women as not being respectful of Life. they live in a Culture of Death.

To That Woman:

I don’t really need to know or want to know WHY, I have a pretty good idea why, you were just overwhelmed and ran away. I just wanted you to Acknowledge my pain and feel a little sorry for my pain, because I felt great pain when you rejected me. Rejection is naturally, normally painful. I was responsible for managing my emotions and feelings, but I think you were responsible for treating me in a respectful way, and I just don’t feel that happened. Think if you were being rejected and didnt want a relationship to end. How would you want THEM to do it to you? And then try to act that way to me. Its just simple golden rule stuff. It’s not easy though, it does take courage, and I haven’t always had courage either.  It was just really painful for me and I wish you cared more about me and my pain. also when you do this, it makes me think I meant nothing to you, but I know I did. So I feel you are denying that I meant anything to you. I mean just as a friend. We werent just passing acquaintances or random people. We were both important friends to each other. When you lose an important person like that it is very painful. I really tried to handle this by talking to you and writing to you. I wish you hadnt turned away and blocked out everything I was trying to say to you. I think what I was saying was worth hearing, and our relationship was valuable enough not to be thrown away in the blink of an eye. We had something really special. Even just in terms of friendship. A friendship IS a kind of relationship, and it can be very very important. I thought we had that. I’d like to move forward in my life knowing that I was once an important person for you. I could never deny you were an important person for me. Just try to show some more concern for me as a human being. You sure used to. This is very hard for me and you truly do have the power to make it a little better for me, and I’d really appreciate it if you did. It’s just not right to block somebody like this unless they are ABUSING you. I’m not abusing you. I was just trying to communicate about an important issue that was affecting BOTH of us.

It just seems you have no conscience towards me. I just wish you felt worse about doing this to me. I mean you do have the power to talk to me. You just choose not to because its the path of least resistance. please show me some more courage than that. this is the last you’ll ever have to deal with me. Wouldnt you rather handle this in a good way than in a bad way? It’s really not like you to just leave me hurting. I know you don’t like me back but don’t punish or hate me for liking you. liking a person is a lot better than just blocking and avoiding them. Has me liking you hurt you nearly as much as you blocking me has hurt me?  I wish you were just willing to talk to me. this is just confusing and mind boggling for me. we used to talk about some pretty important things. lets just do that again, one more time, for the last time.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201410/whats-the-best-way-you-end-relationship

here are some good pointers on how to end a relationship in a healthy way.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/how-break-up-gracefully

Or here. Or also ask someone in your family the best way to dump someone.

Basically, have a conversation in person, and allow the other person to be upset.

END LETTER PORTION hahahaha

Yeah I gotta do that more often. just write a paragraph a day. in letter form. addressing it directly to the person you cannot speak to, that really does help.

GRIP IT AND RIP IT.

I just wish women ACTED like they CARED about getting pregnant sometimes. Like WOW, thats a big deal, so I’m not gonna have casual sex. Becuase I dont want to get pregnant, I dont want to have any abortions, I dont want to use plan B.

I forgot plan B. Some women are so casual about getting Plan B that its Chilling. When I was in college I was hanging out with a female friend (who I did not have feelings for, and who was having Secs with other men, and I didn’t really care, because I didnt want to be having secs with her!) and she said, welp I gotta swing by planned parenthood and get some plan B. uhhhhh ok I said. and she did.

later I realized my ideal woman would not be so casual about swinging by planned parenthood and getting some plan b after a night with me, hahahaha. she would have better control over her body and say, ok Im on the Rag right now so its best that we wait a few days until that’s over, because when it comes to getting preggers, I DONT PLAY AROUND.

shit. if women cared about getting pregnant as much as I CARE about GETTING THEM PREGNANT…….women would me muuuuuuuch more sexually moral and the world would be a better place.

WOMEN SHOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT AS MUCH AS MEN CARE ABOUT GETTING THEM PREGNANT. 

yeah that is gonna become a post title soon hahahaha.

of course many MEN dont care either. theyre like, welp thats her problem, not mine. let her get the plan b or abortion.

I mean im the type of guy who wouldnt THINK of not wearing a rubber, because I don’t trust the woman to not have a disease! I don’t trust the woman to be on the pill! Besides, I don’t really like the pill anyway, I would prefer women dont take the pill. so it was kinda weird to hear my female friends in College talking about the pill and the Ring and Birth Control. and then god forbid plan B. plan B’s even worse, because its not just a Contraceptive, its an ABORTIFACIENT. I bet she would be too dumb to tell you the difference hahahaha.

Right To Choose and Abortion has just been brainwashed into women from a young age that they CANT EVEN SEE THE MORAL ASPECTS of the question. They’re just like, oh this is something modern women have the privilege to do. only religious freaks and women haters say other wise.

whereas if you really got them to THINK about it, really THINK about When Does Life Begin, you could probably convince a lot of women that Abortion is Wrong and thank God I never got an abortion before I realized how wrong it was.

So yeah I like that religious bullshit like make the woman look at an ultrasound first and read this pro-life material first.

that’s probably misogynist of me to think that women DONT EVEN THINK about it. how could you NOT think about it?

Well I honestly think many women try NOT to think about it because they’re afraid they might not be able to go through with it, if they thought about it enough. just get it done quickly before you change your mind. then once youve done it once, well, youve killed your child, no turning back now, hahahaha, you can do it again if needed.

its hard to know what the average woman thinks about abortion anyway. its not exactly an easy discussion to have with a woman.

i mean when i was in college and all the women were on BC and were raging leftists in luv with Barry and hating G Dubs, yeah it was pretty clear they were pro-murder hahahha. but that didnt mean they actually did it themselves.

Besides just because a woman votes for a shitty leftist doesnt mean she luvs abortion. i mean many women are so stupid theyll just vote for hillary because shes a woman. but they might not luv abortion per se. just vote for the woman who luvs abortion hahahaha.

just saying MY ideal woman would go on the record as being against abortion, think its horrible, and would have never done it.

its IMPORTANT and if ANYONE should have a STRONG OPINION on abortion, its WOMEN. I dont really want to think about it is NOT a valid answer.

Just like I would rather not know mudsharks or high-number sluts, I would rather not know any women who have gotten Abortions.

maybe if they had gotten “only” one and they were deeply remorseful for it.

i would still prefer zero abortions. OBVIOUSLY.

Shit one abortion is probably worse than being with one black guy , hahahahaha.

I will also forgive ONE black guy, especially if the woman is remorseful, like yeah that was a bad idea, i’ll never do that again, it’s only white guys from here on out. never again.

How much sluttiness would I forgive. not sure. def not more than 20 guys.

again, the POINT is they are GENUINELY REMORSEFUL. They say, that was a TERRIBLE IDEA. NEVER AGAIN. not “it was a phase.” or “i was young.” or especially “i don’t regret it.” NO. I WANT YOU TO REGRET IT. THATS THE WHOLE POINT.

I can admit when I was wrong, why cant you do the same?

I have regrets, why can’t you admit you have regrets?

this “no regrets” shit is STUPID.

DECENT PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS. 

also will be a poast title soon hahaha.

so yeah the way that woman dealt with this situation makes me wonder if she has the COURAGE NECESSARY to confront TOUGH MORAL QUESTIONS like playing the life creation game, slutting it up, mudsharking, abortions. we know she’s already mudsharked once! not cool at all! and i have no idea if she has remorse about mudsharking itself…..or if she just didnt like THAT guy and would still Fook OTHER black guys. is this REALLY the type of woman I want to be my WIFE, the MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN???!!?!?!?!  I couldn’t even trust her not to MVRDER those children!!!!!!

I thank GOD I’ve never had to be in an abortion situation, where I got a gurl preggers and we had to Decide What To Do…..even though ultimately it was up to her.

And I hope to never BE in that situation.

And so I wonder……how many women in My Generation have gotten abortions? 50%? that would be 2spooky5me!

how many men of my generation have knocked up a gurl and she got an abortion?

has it happened to my male friends? I’m not even CLOSE enough with anyone that they would tell me something like that.

And I feel I was once at the level of closeness with That Woman that she might have been able to tell me something like that.

I mean its DEFINITELY a conversation you should have if you are thinking about MARRYING someone!

I never told you i had an abortion because you never asked hahahahaha. I never told you Ive been with 20 black guys because you never asked!!!!

out of sight, out of mind. if she could ABORT me, she probably could ABORT a BABY too. Do I really want to be with someone like that? Do I really want to be with someone who could ABORT a relationship period? Do I want to be with someone who aborted ME??!?!?!?!?!?!?! That might be a bridge too far. There might be no reconciliation for that. well….. i forgive her….but she hasnt expressed any WANT for forgiveness!

when you ABORT someone, you SHOULD feel bad and seek forgiveness! many women who get abortions feel terrible and guilt and take a long time to forgive themselves and they beg for forgiveness from GOD. sometimes it makes their “relationship” with GOD stronger. and then you better believe they thing about the moral implications of ABORTION. Just too bad they had to have an abortion in order to do that!

I just dont like abortion and the women who have them, ok? hahahaha. Im entitled to my opinion, and I’m also entitled to JUDGE the women who have. well, only GOD can JUDGE, but I can sure say, i’d rather not associate with Abortioners! I don’t want MY wife to be an abortioner unless GOD decides to send me a woman who had one abortion and then repented for it.

and that would involve a lot of deep thought and deep conversation.

I’m just disgusted we live in a world where stupid cowardly young women can get abortion without even really realizing WHAT IT IS.

I seriously question if some of these women really UNDERSTAND what is going on in the Life Creation Process.

Which is frustrating as FOOK, because women play 99.99% of the role in the Life Creation Process! but they dont NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING about it!

its like the black box of object oriented programming. you don’t need to see the code inside the box, you just plop objects in and they supposedly do their job. so everything is reusable and portable and “extensible.”

yeah well we’re not programs gertie, we’re people hahahaha.

we get feelings, and fall in luv, and question whats right and whats evil.

at least the good ones do, hahahaha. the shitty ones just dont give a damn.

i so wanted her to give a damn about me as a person. to stand up and show some backbone when it REALLY COUNTED. this is it. its now or never.

well its not like I put her on the spot and said this is your ONE AND ONLY CHANCE. every time I asked her to hang out or Communicate Please was a chance.

we were both good at avoiding, but she was even better.

and REALLY? you couldnt send an email like One Month later, after she had Cooled Off, saying sorry about this?

Avoiding Something Forever is NOT the same as a Cooling Off Period.

besides, a cooling off period is usually only a few days. I can’t imagine a true cooling off period lasting a damn month. at that point, its a damn BREAK, and things are not looking hopeful.

but how about you let me know if you want a break also? not just say of course we’ll hang out soon. that is not what you say when you want a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

anyway if a woman is openly pro-abortion and not ashamed of her abortion……stay away from that woman. that type of woman is NOT a good influence on your life. you can find better people than those losers, hahahahaha.

i just hate her thinking im a loser who she wants to cut out of her life, while she was a winner who i wanted to stay in my life.

my other friends dont try to shun me from THEIR lives!!! and its not like THEY are huge losers, and the only people that don’t shun me are themselves huge losers! so that is reassuring.

google how does quicken loans scam people hahaha.

so that would be a loan originator. then i wonder if they sell the loans to other companies for Servicing. Probably yes. see I just dont understand this. when do you stop “contracting out” service? why dont the servicers just sell it to another servicer? where does it end? why cant a company just service ITS OWN PRODUCTS? wouldnt they be in the best position to do so? they designed the product!

or probably they hired a damn consultant to design the products. doesnt even work for the company.

so what is the company? just a bunch of managers who hire 90000 other companies to do everythign for them.

see this makes no sense and they dont teach any of this in school. or college. i guess econ was the only thing that came close, in its story about making a pencil. economies of scale. its CHEAPER to have suppliers who all make one part of the pencil. so, same principle here. you just have seperate servicers for every product, every part of every product.

yet we could never find a person who knew enough about how our software interacted with a 3rd party piece of software. there was 1 person in the company who knew and he was on vacation, or he didnt have a phone. one does not simply CALL someone THAT high up!

and its not like these are C level executives. they might “just” be senior systems analysts or something. shit. still too important to get them on the phone.

it would be fine if you could say, oh, your problem is in xyz, let me transfer you to the xyz expert. because there wasn’t any xyz experts. everybody knew nothing about everything when you were expected to know everything about everything.

I like knowing everything about everything……but sometimes it does get to be too much.

at my previous job I prided myself on knowing everything about eveything, and others appreciated it too.

at my stupid job, I couldn’t possibly know everything about everything. there was no way to find out everything. there was too much hidden secret stuff. there was too much stuff in general.  you could make 1000 new flashcards a day and it still wouldnt help.

but because shit was so hard to FIND, it really WAS better to try to memorize everything. because you’re essentially just memorizing Where To Find it anyway, so you might as well memorize the thing you need to know. you dont just search the shit in google and find the right thing quickly.

you mean there is NO ONE in the WHOLE COMPANY who knows how this program works?

that’s what I’m telling you. yeah, it doesn’t make sense. Nope, we’re not third party contractors making 9 bucks an hour. we are full employees. your in-house help desk. not only do we not know how to fix this, we don’t know who CAN fix this. yes we are a very large very well known company that EVERYBODY has heard of, and this is frankly kind of embarrassing and it happens way too often for a company of this reputation.

i just wasnt good at handling these situations. maybe with some coaching or mentorship or leadership I could have gotten better. someone could have taught me that yeah that is actually the nature of this job, it is actually very counterintuitive, counter common sense, and you wont believe the level of incompetence and disorganization you see……but dont get frustrated, because thats perfect normal. here’s what to say to the person. tell them its NORMAL, tell them you get strange stuff all the time, and we fix it all of the time, we just need some time to Diagnose, so I will call you back in an hour. just let us look at this computer, don’t kick us off, we will probably be rebooting it a couple times, and you’ll see weird shit on the screen.

 

I WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU TOO

may 2

i mean its not like i was some obsessed weirdo just because she was the first woman to be nice to me in 3 years. besides when unattractive women are nice to me i dont fall in luv with THEM hahahahahaha.

its that we REALLY got along, we would hang out, we were actual friends, and I dont want her to FORGET that. and blame everything on me being a “Thirsty Weirdo”. NO WAY. There was a time where I was LIterally Important to you too baby. missy. ya god damn stupid broad. I was important to you too.  or have you forgotten. probably. don’t even try to DENY it. i guess you can forget it like you forget everything else, but dont DENY it.

heh i actually ordered a stick of RAM for muh computer off amazon with muh gift card that I earned from doing a market research study hahaha. just give me cash hahaha. give me a prepaid visa card, i dont care. i guess i could have gotten the whole balance Disbursed (15 DAH word that SHE doesnt know HA!!!) into a Walmart gift card instead. i got 50$ put into a walmart card and gave that to muh fam as payment for me being a huge bum wawawawawaa.

anyway this ram will double the amount of memory if it works. and it will permadestroy muh computer if it doesnt hahaha.

ok how about this proposal:

when you want to get out of a rel and the other person doesnt, ask them what would be the best way for it to end. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, TO MAKE THIS EASIER ON YOU.  and then try to Honor those wishes as best as possible, within reason, so that the person being dumped can say, yeah, they made an honest effort at making this as painless on me as possible, and acted like a mature, reasonable adult.

THATS what people should do.

Heh. I would have taken her to a SHRINK JUST to help her END IT better. ok shrink, i cant make her want to stay in this, but at least shrink please help her to end this better. tell her about collins gillath 2012 and how to put that into practice. why it might interest you to have the person you dumped not hate you. why it might interest you to not break someones heart so bad.

maybe it was her punishment for me for “TORTURING” her for months, by BUGGING her PUSHILY to hang out.

it could be…..I’ll never know!!!!!!

however I wish there were more pictures taken with us so she would have a harder time forgetting it all. and she would be forced to delete those pictures, OR acknowledge that we had something Special.

welp i could have been working at the call center for 4 hours already hahahaha getting PAID. not even taking calls but getting TRAINED on the LEADING EMR software, training which costs THOUSANDS of dollars!!!!

and i would have had a CHANCE to PROVE to myself that I was as GOOD as HER in the competition of LIFE!!!!!!

oh boy not this again!

but yeah i do hate the way she dumped me especially because of that, because it was like saying “I totally DESTROY you in the competition of life. I am Sexier and more desireable than you, i am smarter and better worker than you, i make more money than you, i am a more valuable important person than you, you huge loser.”

and I would worry about that stuff ANYWAY, but this time it was worst of all because of the way she handled it. like really rubbing it in my face hahaha.

just a forgettable d1ck playing another forgettable round in the life creation process, creating another forgettable life, have to do another forgettable murder, did you hear Your Child scream as the j00ish abortionist chopped it up and sucked it out of you, then you just move on to the next forgettable guy and repeat the whole forgettable life creation and murder process. this is how Casually Evil Women are hahahahahaha.

ok that is a wild exageration and it would be wise not to truly believe that abotu all women….or else you will become a REAL woman hater.

hey i dont hate all women. i could care less about most women. i just dont like being Wronged by women that I trusted and had a Real Relationship with. not even normies like that. so its normie of me not to like it.

even when i was comfortable and normie with her, i was still weird and nervous and weirdo and awkward and uncool around other women. it takes a long time and a very special rel to be that comfortable and normie around a woman for me.

i just wanted her to accept her share of responsibility in the relship. it TAKES TWO to make it and she was no longer willing to do that. at least be AWARE of that and say hey listen, I don’t want to have this RESPONSIBILITY any more, and Im SORRY to LET YOU DOWN and DISAPPOINT you. not this well of COURSE i dont have ANY responsibility here bullshit. how can you be so immature and still be an adult who destroys me in the Competition of Life?

at my easy job i used to work with this really cute girl who was very happy and bubbly and positive and nice and smiling and also very cute. i maybe would have tried dating her (hahahaha) if the whole time she wasnt going out with this guy. he was so far beneath her league i couldnt believe they were dating. she was super young and cute, he was nothing special, not tall, not strong. his only strength was that I guess he was a good guitar player and he looked like some shaggy classic rock guy, with long hair and a scruffy beard. i thought good for her for giving this guy a chance, and good for him to pull such a ridiculously cute gurl. she got a bachelors degree in Health Care Administration and started a career in that right away and now makes much more money than I ever will. She has got to be about 7 or 8 or 9 years younger than me. He worked in a factory or warehouse and probably still does but maybe he got promoted to supervisor. good for him. point is they got MARRIED and are still together. So I think that is a good thing. for a Career Gurl she was married by 24 or 25, which is YOUNG for a career gurl. It’s possible she never even took a lot of cox. So this scruffy uneducated slob pulled a smart, cute, young, nice, low-number gurl. However he was certainly more confident and more chill than me. But I would be more confident and chill with a real qt like that giving her loyalty and luv to me!

ultimately its a good thing and i hope they stay married and have some damn kids. they were both white but he was pretty……italian looking. but still technically white. just honestly very italian. so yeah they could still have some perfectly legit white children….and they SHOULD. she works in like Benefits Administration with a bunch of other young cute gurls with Bachelors Degrees in Health Admin or Marketing or HR or Business.

why didnt i just get a degree in BUSINESS. I too could have been making 16 DAH at age 22. been a damn manager by now making 25DAH.

Anyway she should quit her career with those sorority sluts and focus on the family hahahahaha. you cant get that many young career women together and not have it have a deleterious effect on the womens relationships with their men. if she leaves her man for a more alpha business man, I would be VERY disappointed in her. i want them to STAY married forever. or maybe she can leave him for me hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

no I would want to make sure that she dumped him in an ethical way, and that she was ready to Date again, AND that she hadnt fooked a bunch of guys in between. really tall order!

i mean her leaving him would not reflect well on HER. unless he was an abusive italian brute hahahaha. but i got the impression he was not the supplicating type and could probably Maintain FRAME. but like I say, he was not tall or strong or super handsome really. he looked like a member of the grateful dead or allman brothers or something.

but FRAME and CONFIDENCE is the MOST important thing.

ok took my Clerical Test. this is the actual computer test I got invited to because I sore 91% on the retarded 100 question multiple choice 2 hour exam hahahaha for the 13 DAH part time job. no actually this test was for the 37 k a year job, wow, waddya mean no city employee wanted that job.

i took a 3 minute typing test and got 69 wpm.  i will put this on my resume as 70 hahahaha. i know 70 is minimum for a lot of 10 DAH data entry jobs. the city job only wanted 40 wpm hahaha.

then there was an excel problem, a word problem, and writing a letter to a complaining person problem.

I used SUM and AVERAGE and created a Chart in the excel thing. I can use excel even VLOOKUPS hahaha but its hard for me to create a thing and have it look nice right away. it takes a few days of working with the sheet to tidy it up.

also the word thing, they said here copy this page. which included horizontal lines and weird styling and justified alignment and columns and insert shapes and styles and themes and shit.

then a question where I write a letter to a person complaining that the liberry fines is too damn high. so i said thank you for your concern, you’re right, some people do think they are too high, but unforutnately we had to increase the fines to meet out fiscal year budget. please visit the liberry to see your fines and tax dollars at work, with these excellent pogamz, such as immigrant ficki ficki raep appreciation pogams, and iphone ebooks about bondage billionaires and other important literature to enrich our dignified community.

i also said you can call me dear resident. I wonder if that is good or bad. becuase then you tie up resources on a squeaky wheel problem customer who will always find something to complain about.

imho the best way is to have the ceo say get the fook out of here, we dont need your business, asshole, youre wasting all our time and money. youre banned, bye bye. and there’s no one higher than me you can appeal to.

they should teach like 4 classes in high school on ALL the ins and outs of what to do in these tricky situations. and not just see a manager. but what the MANAGER would do, or what YOU would do if the manager doesnt WANT to deal with it, and tells YOU to deal with it.

anyway. im just saying. if there were crimes of the heart this would be one. she would be CONVICTED and SENTENCED due to the Incontrovertible Evidence that she committed a CRIME, did a BAD thing, and you just cant pretend its NOT a good thing. Oh thats ok that I killed him, he was being annoying. being annoying isnt a CRIME! well neither is abandoning, but I think its way more of a crime than being annoying!

YOU JUST DONT DO THIS TO PEOPLE, and I want her to UNDERSTAND THAT!!!!

is it MY JOB to make her understand that?

do I want to be with someone who doesn’t understand that?

I think she DOES understand it, shes just not motivated to act that way with ME.

because I’m not cool enough?

because she doesnt have any feelings for ME?

because it would be awkward as fook for her?

it just hurts me a lot. because I wasnt just some random guy and she just wasnt some random bitch. i knew her for 2.7 years and our friendship slowly got stronger and better and deeper until I fell in luv and then she closed off and then boom this is how it ends.

not a bang or a whimper or anything, just total silence.

just tell me i didnt deserve that! jsut tell me sorry for this pain. acknowledge! listen! hear!

ok i have made myself completely public on linkedin. this means i must not look at HER profile because then she will see it.  i have installed an extension that lets me block sites but linkedin urls are so fooked up, you get like a different session key thus different url every time so I had to use some wildcard shit which hopefully it works and I dont want to keep going to her page to find out.

also the cute gurls i worked with 4 years ago hahahahaha dont need them to know i am looking at them .

hopefully when she is 35 and miserable she looks back at this and is ASHAMED of what she did hahahaha.

yeah well my email address is on my linkedin page and on my indeed resume. anyone who knows my name can find my email address and contact me.

I just got dealt JJ on two hands in a row. first one i just about doubled up the starting stack. NOICE. second one, got folded to after a small raise.

and now i put it on my twitter page. i have maintained a twitter page of my real name since 2011 in the hopes of getting a grown up job hahahahaha.

in other words i hope she finds me on google and then finds my email address and then apologizes to me and says im sooooo sorrrrry i made a horrible mistake, now lets get together and i will luv u forever.

i am watching call the midwife i think is the name of this ridiculous english show and one woman is saying to a young mother, DONT ABANDON HER (your baby) BECAUSE YOU WERE ABANDONED! basically be the better person and break this horrible cycle of abandonment haha.

she just abandoned me because she had been abandoned and shit on too much. it was time for her to try doing it to someone else to see what it was like. to blow off some steam. to do this TO someone. and i was honestly the PERFECT candidate for abandonment. yep. it gives her some control, where when she was abandoned, she was at the “mercy” and control of others, and had no control herself.