may 17


making 37k per year at 30 years old

theres a great search query. i WISH i were making normie chad bigoy bigbux of 37k per year at the young spring chicken age of 30 years old!

every day i try to say something simple to someone and sound like a tongue tied, low IQ IDIOT. thing is, i dont REALLY need to IMPRESS people. but i wonder if i ultimately am disappointing people who are like, welp, he hasn’t really impressed us yet. he seems kinda low energy, underachieving, and uncreative. content to be a brick in the wall. not an out of the box thinker by any means. certainly not the type of guy i would want my daughter to date. seems like a nice guy but he’s gotta learn it’s not enough to be nice. sometimes you gotta be ruthless to get what you want, or opportunities will pass you by.

that kind of shit.

well i dont worry about it TOO much. just try to get thru each day. did some more video stuff today. i actually like doing the video stuff. but the early videos are super rough as i learn the software, how to make a video, etc. just doing screen capture videos demonstrating how to do a task with some software.

it doesnt NEED to be fancy, you can make these videos very easily, and i wish they had done that at my old job, to TEACH the employees how to DO shit. videos are a great way to teach people how to do tasks with 600000000 little steps on a computer.

but yeah it still takes time for me. how do i do a freeze frame. how do i add this type of Annotation. what parts can i cut to make this shorter. timing of shit.

but it still looks like beginner shit. but i happen to be such a strong believer in The Pedagogical Power of videos. probably because i believe in the MYTH of learning styles and I am DELUDED into thinking I learn better with videos.

but I DO!!!! dont tell me how I feel hahahaha.

so maybe i dont actually learn better, but i THINK i learn better with videos, and that CONFIDENCE and peace of mind is real, and valuable!!!!!

i mean shit. when i had a ton of confusing complicated shit to learn, i WISH we had videos. that were 10% as well produced as the ones I make! I mean just record your screen, and record yourself talking as you explain what youre doing! DONE!

mother fookin sheeeeeit.

but yeah the world is a COMPETITIVE place, and you have to WIN to get ahead. if you are just average, you stay in the same place and eventually fall behind. you always need to be BETTER. and I guess I am OK at muh job but its a below avg job, and also im not as AWESOME and ELECTRIFYING as I hoped i would be. that i would be SO awesome that people would LUV me and say, here’s a secret job in this department, i’ll talk to the Director and make sure he hires you for 30k a year. done deal.

but the people are nice to me and dont hate me and I think most of them know I want a more substantial job with The Organization.

BEAUTIFUL day today, should go for longer powerwalk than 2.5 miles. i mean it is INSANE. its always far below avg or high above avg temp around here. and today it is super warm for mid may. would like every day of the year to be this NOICE.

its not like i was slacking today either! i felt i was honestly doing my best. i just wish my best were better! in high school and sometimes college i would get an A. measure me! grade me! metrics! scorecards!

i mean I get in 15 minutes early every day. i buy a tub of maxwell house coffee whenever we run out. i mean i drink 88% of the coffee hahaha. other people use the keurig. i should buy keurigs. well actually i only drink about 75% of the coffee! this other guy drinks at least one big cup a day, we usually get at least one client in a day who drinks a little bit, and sometimes another person will drink some. i mean i definitely drink 60% of it minimum tho. but i make 3 times less than the next lowest paid person!

oh yeah. i guess i wanted to ask WHY AH felt that the hapsburg austrian monarch was so anti-german and so pro-slav. why would they be anti-german? i though hapsburgs WERE german! austrian germans hahaha. but there was the threat of “czechization” from the czechs. I guess a hapsburg married a czech.

i guess we can say wherever there is a question of WHY…..its da jooz stupid hahahaha. but AH has not suggested the austrian parliament was compromised by literal joos. just that the Weltanschauung of Parliamentarianism is inherently kinda jooish, cowardly, and weak.

soooo…..why would austrian germans sell out to czechs? i luv the czechs, i dont want to blame them for ww1!!!!

german empire, , The German Empire (German: Deutsches Kaiserreich, officially Deutsches Reich)[5][6][7][8] was the historical German nation state[9] that existed from the unification of Germany in 1871 to the abdication of Kaiser Wilhelm II in 1918, when Germany became a federal republic.

By ziegelbrenner – own drawing/Source of Information: Putzger – Historischer Weltatlas, 89. Auflage, 1965, CC BY-SA 3.0,

ok all this is pretty useful i guess but it still doesnt answer my question of WHY would austria/hapsburgs be at all anti-german? because they were Cucking to the Czechs by intermarrying with Czechs?

oh well. but fact is, AH felt they were anti-german and too czech-loving.

i mean fact is, this area of “central europe” was practically as bad as the goddamn balkans in terms of balkanization hahaha. but much hwyter because there were never any turkroaches.

i mean there were czechs and poles especially were probably the biggest problems for germans. tfw when you are largely a pole hahahaha but you luv AH and germans. but you luv poles and “western” slavs too. lechitic and czechitic hahaha.

i wish poles and germans could have just negotiated their boundaries peacefully like the hwyte gentlemen they are.

so who was The Bad Guy there?

Who was more jood?

I think there were a lot of joos in germany….but there was a SHITLOAD of joos in poland. god damn i hope im not related to any of them. i mean. honestly im much more likely to have a wee bit of german blood than any joo dna. thank GOD.

how much did germans intermarry with poles?

how good or bad is that? i mean i want them to get along….BUT… i want them to meld together like that? not really!

university of phoenix we can do it commercial

0h god heres a horrible new phoenix commercial

About University of Phoenix TV Commercial, ‘We Can Do IT’
When the factory she works in upgrades to automated machinery, this young mother decides to upgrade her skills with a degree from the University of Phoenix. With her kids and Rosie the Riveter encouraging her, she begins anew with a career in information technology.

i offer it without comment, just watch it and you know exactly what im gonna say!!!!

get training to use the next version of that machine. if you get an IT degree from u of phoenix you will just be taking angry clusterfook phone calls all day of people with broken machines or just dont know how to use them. and neither do you!

its funny you can get a job “helping” people who think their shit is broken but they really just dont know how to use it, when YOU dont know how to use it, and can’t tell if its broken or they dont know how to use it…and its your job to fix this clusterfook situation! and even your managers dont have phoenix IT degrees. you just wish you had a lot more training before being thrown to the wolves, because you cant handle this!!!!! you cant handle adult life!

if ZOG could make TRILLIONS of dollars on MJ TAX….wouldnt they have legalized it by now? so…..why havent they? because they COULDNT make a lot of money on tax? but how could they NOT! Wouldnt people GLADLY pay HUGE taxes on it?

i mean OF COURSE the tax money would be ALL WASTED on zog salaries, No Public Good would be done with the tax money, but i would still gladly pay it for legal MJ.

It would NEVER save schools or roads or infrastructure or health care or ANY of that. it would go right into beaureacrats pockets. but still.

may 18

having a gf/wife is just like having a KID. just another person to work for and be completely responsible for. an employee to manage. the worlds shittiest and most disloyal employee. the worlds shittiest and most disloyal kid. at least kids deep down they luv you and wont really abandon you. a deadbeat parent is more likely to abandon his kids, or a wife abandon her husband, than a kid is to abandon his parents.

i cant even handle the responsibilities of my own life. and i think i would prefer the responsibility of a kid over that of a wife. there is more potential reward, less potential risk. a kid isnt gonna intentionally ruin your life like a wife will hahahaha. wont BETRAY you like a wife will hahaha. yeah the kid may ruin your life but they wont MEAN it hahaha.

the joos love that i am thinking these horrible why even BOTHER type thoughts about wife and children.

i say, skip the wife and just go for children! and bang hot sluts all life long and raise your kids as a single father. use the most attractive, youngest sluts as your surrogates. then minimize their degen influence in the childs life afterwards. get sole custody.

no need for sexdolls and cuddledolls and artificial wombs! just use real women for these things.

mixed day at job. on one hand, had decent job related conversation with coworker where i showed i wasnt a complete idiot.

on the other hand, i worried about disappointing the same coworker because i panicked about a phone call later in the day and transferred it to him when i really should have taken more time to try to figure it out myself. i quickly apologized and showed i was aware of what i had done.

but i dont want him to think that the loser new guy doesnt have what it takes, cant handle the tough situations, not ready for prime time, not ready for a real 30k bigboy job, better go back to grad skool, college boy hahahaha, because you dont have the real skills needed to survive in the real world at real jobs have real tuff conversations and making real money of 30k a year!!!

and a whole ICEBERG of related Im Not Good Enough Thoughts!!!!!!!

and thinking, well, this is how i because the huge failure I am now. just not being good enough on enough things, enough tasks, day after day after day. many small disappointments compounding after the years, and then you’re a HUGE FAILURE.

real bad thoughts! think thoughts like this for years will guarantee that you become a huge failure! self fulfilling prophecy! or at least damn sure FEEL like one!

chris cornell K’ing himself. i mean he was successful. good job, children, handsome, didnt look like a drug addict. unless he was a degenerate doing auto erotic asphyxiation. but who does that at age 50? all the other medium profile “celebrities” who died of it like kill bill and inxs guy. but latter might have been despair-related suicide. sometimes its hard to tell i guess.

well i can say that chris cornell was handsome and had a good voice and i hope he was not too degen in his personal life. pretty shitty to do that to your CHILDREN though. not the type of thing the worlds greatest father does to his children.

but yeah i dont want to disappoint muh coworker. he is raising children to be successful. when his daughter gets her masters degree in a few years at age 23 she will be making like 60k when i cant even make 30k at age 33!

his son getting a stem degree and he will make 60k too! and have no trouble getting a wife and kids and supporting them!

how did HIS kids get so TUFF at HANDING THE REAL WORLD????

i mean really. i wish a whole year of high school was devoted to Handling Tough Phone Calls. The important thing is that you can not panic, remain calm, and win the confidence of the person. this should be a whole year of high school where you role play situations like this over and over and over and over and over and over again, until you can bullshit with the best of them.

i always feel like im MISSING something BASIC and FUNDAMENTAL that makes me DISABLED at doing the basic fundamentals of real adult life!

basically, i want nothing more than what this guy has: middle class job, making 55k a year, home in safe neighborhood, good looking wife, several smart good looking kids who are all going to Decent Colleges for Useful Degrees and who will PROBABLY turn out successful and themselves end up making more than 55k and not Lose at the War of Life.

i try not to gawk at the pictures of his beautiful family! where we can see that his late 40s wife is not a fat slob, and his children look happy, healthy, and NORMIE. and he himself is good and talking to people and HANDLING SHIT.

he is a smart guy, has good people skills, has a not super useful masters degree but still made it work. keeps himself in shape in his early/mid 50s, exercises, is not fat at all, gets on his kids cases for them to DO shit so they dont turn out losers like me hahahahahaha. so what does he think of a loser like ME that cant handle a PHONE CALL.

so thoughts like this can kinda ruin my day. if it wasnt that it would be something else, like i wasnt productive enough. although the phone call situation is worse, because it was an actual specific conversation/issue that i failed at pretty obviously.

i hate failing! but ive also gotten used to it. i guess i never hated it ENOUGH to work hard to STOP failing hahahah.

its like gambling and losing over and over and over and over and over again. which i also do hahaha. i am a losing gambler at the card table. it is partially being a bad gambler, and partially being unlucky.

and right now i am NEEDY for THAT WOMAN to cuddle with me and be luving to me and tell me im a big strong man who can handle all the adversities of life, and i will always be here to cuddle u and not leave you in the lurch.

hehehehe. of COURSE i know thats ridiculous. but its SO compelling and desirable. to want something SO BAD. its not the THING that’s so ridiculous, its the person I want it WITH.


taake noregs vaapen. there must be something im not getting. how is this album not considered as boring as the previous, self titled album. this HAS to be a drum machine. HAS to be. and drum machines sound LIFELESS. compared to hsi first three albums, which is certainly a real drummer, and it sounds FULL of life.

see 1st song on NV. it sounds as lively as you can with a drum machine, because of hoests signature Interesting Catchy Riffs. ok fine.

but then the album stops being this catchy!

how can you NOT hear the difference IMMEDIATELY when you compare this to his first three albums?

oh thats not fair you say. well, lifes not fair. being an ARTIST isnt fair. he’s not being FORCED to make albums. this tells me he’s a DEGENERATE LAZY DRUNK on AUTOPILOT.

hahaha. well to go THAT far is a little unfair. ill always give him a chance. even when hes boring his aesthetic is good.

its kinda neat to hear some of his signature Weird Time Signature riffs with a drum machine.

and probably, the lack of Great Riffs is prob worse than having a drum machine.

but having a drum machine is just FOOLISH and NAIVE and INSULTING really.

no mentions of a drum machine. one guy thinks it sounds very similar to HD or NSPV, that you might ahve to double check which album you’re playing! wtf?!?!?!?! nope. WRONG.

all songs are midpaced 6 minute songs. all the songs song basically the same. it starts getting boring after 15 minutes which is NEVER a good sign. and the first 6 minute song is GOOD!

WOW bitcoin fees are SUPER high right now. I cant even SEND 10.15 with a .60 (USD) fee included because that fee is too small. the minimum recommended fee, in other words, is at LEAST 15 damn percent of the amount I want to send! so, in other words, 11.50 to send 10 dollars!

hmm. at 8.88 i am only pay at 10% fee. but trying to send 9.50 i’m paying like a 15% fee. it all has to do with the BYTES of the transaction….which this is not a linear progression as the amount goes up.


in other words, its a better value to send 8.88 than it is to send 8.90. literally. right around there, the fee-as-a-percentage-of-total-transaction SPIKES EXPONENTIALLY.

and price of btc is NOT crashing, in fact, its still at an ALL TIME HIGH.

had to do a 2.8 mile powerwalk and listen to some vapaudenristi to get muh mood up. felt like such a pathetic failure loser after my disappointing performance today. its like i LIKE losing, or INTEND to lose. I HATE disappointing people, and myself. and i’m certainly not consciously slacking off. i just get a person on the phone and I PANIC like a DEER IN HEADLIGHTS.

i guess the important part is that I LEARN from this and not let it happen EVER AGAIN hahaha.

yeah well in sports you get 3 strikes and youre out. but then you get to come BACK, many times per game. getting OUT is not really a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

this would be like you are only allowed like ONE STRIKE per entire baseball SEASON.

yeah but this ISNT baseball. it baseball getting many strikes per game is NORMAL. HERE, in the real world, getting more than 1 strike per….3 months? 6 months? is really really BAD.

but WHY?


its not like it was the END OF THE WORLD. so this guy takes a phone call. i listened with him on speakerphone and also talked to the guy at the same time.

also, maybe this coworker gets too easily annoyed by stuff that he shouldnt get annoyed by. sometimes, yes. other times, he is perfectly chill and relaxed. maybe he is BIPOLAR hahahaha.

then i am JELLY he  can be bipolar and be a HIGH FUNCTIONING member of society.

like, better to be a raging alcoholic and functional and make 50k a year, rather than a sober person making 10k a year and NOT being functional hahahaha.

i dont have that woman to help boost me up. instead in my head came visions of The Hakenkreuz, and The Fuhrer standing proudly and courageously. those were the images that gave me some hope and strength. when in the past I might have thought of that woman’s smiling face, or some people think of images of jesus or mary. now im here powerwalking and imagining hister and the crooked cross hahahaha.

really WHATEVER WORKS i guess.

its just weird. most people thing of these things as evil and chilling. and now i am kinda treating them as MUH NEW GOD. The old god wasnt good enough so i got a new one hahaha. and his name is hister and his symbol is the Hooked Cross.

when AH was my age he had already accomplished quite a lot right? i think he was literally writing MK when he was about the same age I am now. so it makes sense that I should read MK at this age hahahaha.

I was talking to a colleague in a neighboring department about books and almost said I was reading MK. and then what would I say? shieeeeet.

i mean honestly. lots of people have interest in ww2 and the natzees and hister hahahaha. its not THAT weird.

took 1 benedryl but dont think i will take any more.

i should really make an effort to go see classic movies at The Movie Theater. even if i have to drive into the City to do so. like movies from the 40s and 50s, before the joos were too mean spirited and degen, and a joo could still make a not unwatchably degenerate movie.

DS is my #1 news source for all types of news hahahahaha

ok so cornell was possibly 50% joo. white father and mother “came from a jooish family.” so, cornell is 25-50% j.

ok this is not confirmed hehehe.

Anglin QUOTE How many men under 35 do you know who are happily married with kids? Even if you know several – and statistically, the probability is that you do not – most people do not know anyone in such a situation. So claiming this is because “men are all defective and just need to be better” is just about the stupidest f00king thing I’ve ever heard. Nuremberg trial-tier horseshit. END


i liked the OP and AA seems to be disagreein with OP. but this is a great point. i know several people OVER 35 with nice families, like the work colleagues, but they are all in their 50s.

i know one guy who is about 36 and has 2 young kids and he is one of the greatest guys i have ever met. I don’t know much about how he gets along with his wife though. they have been married for like 10 years tho. she seems ok.

i know another guy who is about 35 and has 1 kid and i hope he has more.

but again, i dont know details of how these guys marriages are. maybe their wives have TURNED on them and are looking to DIVORCE them. which would be TERRIBLE because these are both GREAT men who only a TRAITOROUS BITCH would divorce.

another guy quote: If you date, make sure you’ve known the woman for months beforehand. I will tell you that being friends with a woman will likely make you hate them more. They are shit friends and do horrible things.  END


as a man, i LIKE those who I RESPECT. and its almost unnatural to respect a WOMAN. Men respect things like morality, honor, loyalty – all things that just do not matter to women at all. they’re not made for it, you cant expect it out of them, therefore you should never expect to really RESPECT a woman. i mean do you RESPECT your CHILDREN? u luv and protect your children, and are hopefully proud of them, but it’s just not appropriate to really “respect” your own children.

so STOP TRYING TO RESPECT WOMEN! you will only be disappointed! its about as IRRELEVANT, MISGUIDED, and CONFUSED as wanting to respect your children. it’s just NOT THEIR PLACE TO BE RESPECTED.

YOU are wrong for WANTING to respect them!

basically, in their inner natures, women are IMPOSSIBLE to like, and IMPOSSIBLE to respect, because the things that men like and respect, women don’t have, women CANT have them, women SHOULDNT have them, because they are jsut not capable of them.

and im just kinda buttmad that what women NATURALLY are, by nature or GOD, is something that men CANNOT like. because I WANT to like women.

but i guess thats my big mistake!

it is much better, healthier to LIKE hister and the hookcross than to LIKE women.

i wish women WERE likable!

but i SHOULDNT! thats WRONG of me!

so how you get rid of a WANT. of a DESIRE. its like WANTING something wrong or bad, like WANTING to use drugs and get fooked up on fentanyl hahahaha.

thats what WANTING to like and respect women is like. like a disgusting, pathetic alcoholic just wanting to get drunk again.

dont put the pvssy on a pedestal, put the fuhrer on a pedestal


if you Treat Women Right, they dump you and fook negros and rapeugees. PERIOD.

DO NOT TREAT WOMEN WELL hehehe. but you dont need to ABUSE them. per se. just dont treat them WELL.

ok so its fine to LIKE women who are over 50. ive stated that before. but i guarantee you would have HATED them when they were 20-49! and at every age in that 29 year range they are hatable in a different way!

the young ones because they are off fooking chads, at all ages really; and as they get closer to 30, they get more crazy with baby rabies and wedding rabies; then in 30s they get different crazy with divorce rabies and hypergamy rabies. thinking they are hotter and younger than they are.

the mother fooking WQ. like AA says, you prob dont know anyone who had their life DIRECTLY ruined by a J (but really we have all had our lives indirectly ruined by the horrible J culture and world!!!!) but you prob know SEVERAL people who have been royally skrewed by WOMEN.

WOMEN is one of THE major ways that the joo hurts us. they also hurt us thru SCHOOL and WORK and the Culture, but with women, it’s one on one shit, its PERSONAL!!! the women reaching into your chest and tear out your still beating heart in a way that these other jooish institutions dont, they just slowly rot your soul from the inside hahahaha.






may 8

saw a 32 year old woman today who was attractive in the nerdy girl next door way, not in the attention seeking nerdy gurl way, but jsut an honestly nerdy gurl next door way. got the feeling she hadnt taken too manny cox. That Woman kinda had a similar “nerdy innocent gurl next door” look too, that is prob a type for me. the woman had a 1 year old white baby with her. i was glad she had a white baby who was very healthy looking. but she was purty and i was slightly jelly of her husbando. i would be happy to marry her (nonlegally) and make a beautiful white baby with her.

i liked her because she did not look like a high number whore and she looked like she was not drinking fro the jooish cup of the jooish filth culture and that she was probably happy to live her nerdy life with her nerdy husband and have a little baby. she looked younger than 32 and i hope she had more babies.

i wish i had met her 10 years ago and married (nonlegally) her then!

shit she prob wont even abandon her husband with a surprise ambush divorce!

i just hate to see people ABANDONING other people. parents abandonign their children, wives abandoning their husbands. they dont even want to work on shit. they just want you to disappear. they cant make you disappear so they just disappear.

i guess by the time it gets to the point where people are going to see the shrink, the other person has checked out. they dont want to make an effort. you’ll see one person who really CARES, who really wants to make an effort, and then the other person, who is on the verge of just WALKING OUT. ABANDONING the other person.

fine ok i get that you cant FORCE a person to want to be with you. but show the common courtesy of paying a professional to break the news when you know its gonna hurt them and you dont know how to handle that. so pay a pro to handle it for you. pay the shrink to dump your heartbroken buddy in a way thats not gonna break his heart even more.

show him the courtesy of attempting to not break his heart even MORE.

i mean what fatherland ryan’s wife did is just fookin EVIL. shit. try not to be EVIL. god damn. I hope I never do something that EVIL. and this is not some random person. this is your god damn husband that you made VOWS with. who you created new LIFE with. how can people DO this? would a MAN ever do this to a WOMAN?

yeah i guess they really do. and thats probably what makes the woman do it to the men in THEIR lives.

anyway. it was nice to see a 32 year old woman who was still datably good looking hahahahahaha. hope she treats her man and child well. hope she has 3 children. hope she never abandons any of them. she seemed like a decent woman.

good one on the wq from anglin. see i just dispute they want “ultraviolent porn.” 50 shades of gray is not ultraviolent porn, its just soft shit, its the SAME THING as ripply chested ravisher in harlequin romance, just a small step up in jooishness. i dont think its near the same ballpark as pure joo brutal blown out 4nal abuse dot com or something. there is nothing of the sort in that book. i dont think. most women are not interested in the idea of getting their asses literally blown out, in ways you couldn’t even imagine a human body was capable of, until you had seen a disgusting joo test the limits of the body in disgusting porno.

yeah women want to be ravished and thrown on the bed by chris hemsworth but how is that anythign new?

but i think anglin has calmed down so thats good. he makes the point that women are Nonloyal rather than disloyal, amoral rather than immoral.

may 9

saw a young woman today who was generally “nice innocent nerdy girl next door – good” rather than “nerdy girl next door – bad (attention seeking wh0re)” hahahaha. she was plain and not Drop Dead Gorgeous but she was wearing a kind of Dress which showed the womanly shape of her body in a not wh0rish degen way. so i was staring there Slack Jawed at a gurl who probably wasnt used to being started at slack jawed! at her age i would have refered to her as a plain jane, 7 at best, but now that i am an old incel, she goes up to like an 8 hahahaha. then i thought i should ask her out right now. but she is probably studying to be a nurse or businesswoman and at age 22 she will be making more money than i am now.

i found the mother lode, a document that contains WHAT PEOPLE MAKE. HOLY SHIT. names and what people MADE each of the past 3 years. apparently the shit is Not Private and Confidential, however this mysterious document is jsut an open secret that i guess people must gossip about.

there was a ton of people that made way too much. that was the general trend.

there was one person who didnt make enough, IMHO, at a scant 40k hahahahaha. this is the type of job i would be looking at.

yet this 25 year old kid in tech support was making 50k! well, 2 guys i knew. 1 guy had a CS degree, other guy just had any old degree.

this woman i know 3rd degree who has no more education than me is making 50k, she is a few years younger than me. i didnt like her because she was a slut hahahahahaha. now she makes 50k and would be Creeped out that I even know who she is.

all these fookin people making 50k!

that the person I know who is making 40k and i was like DAMN! they should be making 50k TOO!!!!!!

learned how much muh direct boss makes. how much the top person in the org makes. Hint: he is by FAR the highest paid person. he makes WAY too much. the second highest person only makes HALF as much. sheeeeeeit.

older FT people make a shitload. younger FT people make less. but i think they will max out at a lower grade once they get old. becuase those people are getting paid WAY too much.

annnnnddddd the list does not include the fookloads of part time employees. who are getting fooked up the ass hahahahaha making NOTHING.

hint: you can hire professionals with masters degrees on a part-time basis and pay them no benefits. pay them like 15-20 dollars an hour, 25 hours a week.

one of the guys making 50k, he’s been here a few years, i talked to him a little bit years ago when i worked another job here. he was dating/fooking a QT gurl from my department. she dumped him and i dont think he was happy about it. but he wasnt making 50k THEN. he is about my age. i wasnt really interested in the gurl other than i acknowledged she was young and qt but she seemed like an overly dramatic, high maintenance, more flaky than average, not chill at all, fairly high number. i much preferred That Woman.

but yeah.

the young guy making 50 was “only” making 44 2 years ago. got a BIGGGGGG BUMP.

matt heimbach in his speech at pikeville said, as our comrade bob mathews said:


and i thought that was a VERY positive message. repeat it to yourself when you are getting negative thoughts.

like i do 6000000000000000000 times a day. thinking i could never pull a nice gurl like that qt “plain jane nice nerdy gurl next door” in the dress i saw in the parking lot. because im a huge loser, she’s in her prime, and she’s better at the game of life than me. not making any huge mistakes, doing well in college and career, making 40k by age 30 hahahaha. making 30k by age 25 hahahaha.

maybe im wrong that a woman wont care if you make less than them…..but i really dont think im wrong. and i make less than every woman except for fat opioid addicted mudsharks at walmart. americas best first job hahahahaha.

so IMPROVE YOURSELF! learn skills and market yourself to Jooish Capitalists hahahaha. Sell Yourself! BE someone WORTH selling and buying! make yourself into a valuable product/service/commodity!

stop complaining and DO something about it! youre not getting any younger! plenty of 40 year old men still pull 20 year old gurls! but they’re not broke ass ni99az!!!!!

tfw when the annoying dumb slut in the social circle who you sneered at because she fooked at least 3 gurls in the friends group, then later she gets a kinda useless degree but ends up getting a SWEET job making 50k when you are aiming at jobs there that start out around….34.  and you are at least 4 years older than her hahahaha and you KNOW she’s not anywhere NEAR as smart as you, she’s just a Better Worker and a Better Student and Tougher and doesnt give up as easily.

tfw when you get your 1570 calories of the day, you’re still over your goal of 1500, and you are STARVING and could totally eat a yuge 1500 calorie meal RIGHT NOW hahahaha.

but i wont hahahahaha. at least that much i can succeed at.

tfw when people talk about their college age kids who are on the path to being WAY more successful than you. but when you were THEIR age you went to a more prestigious univ and it looked like YOU were gonna be successful too! but now youre a nevergf, never30k loser hahahahaha.

negative thoughts!


robert jay mathew.

k’d in a standoff with the FEDS in 1984.

is this him?

yes it is.

may 10

dear god these women are EVIL!

i really hope not all women are like this. i understand MILITARY women are a special breed of horrible. killing animals on camera. i cant even imagine the most desperate thirsty omega approving of that.

dear lord

oh gawd its that hideous beotch elle reeve who is vices “alt right expert” hahahaha she is SO BAD. sucking off the joo cox all day.

how ugly is she really? we joke she looks like she had fetal alcohol syndrome. is this an example of the nerdy girl next door?

her mouth just looks so weird. i dunno. maybe she would have been cute when she was 20, and if she didnt talk like a fooking child, and if she just had babies instead of being this disgusting journalist for vice. she got sort of shredded when she went on the daily shoah but she should have gotten VICIOUSLY VIOLATED a HELL of a lot MORE, and millennial woes answered some questions for her. really anglin should have an interiview with her and VICIOUSLY VIOLATE her (stealing that line from an anglin headline, he has a new mini meme where he writes headlines about how tucker carlson VICIOUSLY VIOLATES his leftist guests on his show)

listened to bob mathews 1983 speech. sound quality was good but it was not super rousing. i mean it was sincere and he CERTAINLY names the j but it wasnt the greatest speech ever. i mean even the “joo loving traitor” k1ke enoch gives better speeches. 1 minute of him screaming passionately at pikeville was sweet. enoch needs to give a minimum 5 minute speech that builds up to him screaming passionately, and with decent recording quality, so you can understand what he’s saying.

whats really terrible is the k1ke gersh b1tch is probably better looking than any woman i could pull atm waaaaahhhhhh

not really related other than ernst zundel speaks out against the j too. i guess he went to PRISON for questioning the you know what.

may 11

just read the full text of the greatest book ever written hahahaha. the stalag edition does seem really close to the mannheim translation. real real close. it might even be the same damn thing hahaha.



saw episode for new twin peaks on tv. got pretty excited. david lynch was always one of muh biggest influences, got me excited about Cinema in a way very few people do. and he has pretty much been DONE for a long time.

like i said a few months ago, yeah he’s still degen, the old twin peaks was degen and a bit jooish, but its still pretty good. i hope the new TP isnt super jooish and SUPER degen. im SURE it will be a little bit. probably too many tits. he loves his tits. but i think he loves them in an almost nondegen way, like the beauty of the female form. i mean yeah. fine. the female body is a beautiful thing when it is 20 years old hahahaha. i dont believe it HAS to look like shit at age 40 either. anyway thats a tangent.

should i go see sigur ros live. yes probably once in my life. but 55 fookin dollars? (mostly including shitty ticketmaster fees which were at least 15 dollars.) see i MIGHT pay 40 to see them but not 55. would rather spend the money on MJ hahahaha. and then you gotta pay for parking. working class people can not afford to see decent music concerts ahahha.

ok so sigur ros is degen ph4ggots but they had a great aesthetic for a while.

still pissed that tom petty is SOLD OUT.

like i like to say, getting a masters degree is harder than quitting smoking, quitting heroin, losing 400 pounds, quitting drinking, quitting meth and crack, quitting delicious fatty foods, all combined. and getting a normie chad job might be even harder! it is literally the hardest thing in the world! you’d have an easier time building the wall, throwing out all nonwhites, and building a pure hwyte homeland than just getting a normie 30k a year job!

and finding a nice waifu is almost as hard hahaha.



Obstacles are placed across our path in life, not to be boggled at, but to
be surmounted, and I was fully determined to surmount these obstacles, says AH in beginning of Chap 2.

why SHOULDNT you compare future/present lovers to past lovers? if your present/future lover is obviously WORSE overall than a previous lover….then you havent gotten over the previous lover. and you shouldnt stay with the subpar current person.

i just see myself as a desperate 40 year old man that Settles For a 45 year old Hambeast Single Mom 4/10, and then being like, this woman is worse than That Woman in every conceivable way. i wish i were with That Woman!


Oh my mind is thinking another “i’ll never find a woman as good as her” thought, don’t listen to those, my brain is always thinking those WRONG thoughts. wrongthink. WRONG. hahahaha

trump wrong.wav.gif

i read that on a stop negative thoughts site recently. to do mindfulness by saying, OH, thats just my brain thinking another one of those Category X thoughts, which are wrong. There’s another I Am a Loser thought, theres another I’m such a pathetic loser thought, theres another I’ll always been a Neet Virgin Loser Foreveralone Loser At Life thought, there’s another I’m Not Tough Enough to Handle Adult Life Thought, etc.

god damn midsomer mysteries with their god damn RACE MIXING!!!!! always a god damn black man with a hwyte woman!!! it’s INSANE!!!!! this fooking brainwashing. used to be a fairly good show but so much god damn race mixing, they are BLATANTLY forcing it down our throats. these COUNTRY FOLK white women are with these gentlemanly, nice black men, and thats perfectly normal. its like fooking tv commercials. race mixing in at least one commercial per 2 or 3 minute commercial break. DEFOO THE ELECTRIC JOO. i cant even watch this shit any more. like porn. i guess thats a good thing. but i just wanted some innocent entertainment FFS.  so i usually watch TCM turner classic movies. but i liked watching BBC mysteries like midsomer cuz it was nice small town brit countryside. so of COURSE you need to POZZ that up with some MUDSHARKING. god DAMN.

just tell me what to do and i’ll do it.

that’s not my job. your job is to figure it out and do it.

i can’t figure it out. i dont know what i’m doing. just please take a look at this and tell me what to say with them.

UGH. SIGH. oh god are you an annoying idiot. see, this and that is happening, so that’s why they see this and that, so just tell them that’s because that and this, and we can’t do anything about it. just move them along. that’s your job. maybe we shouldnt have hired you. maybe youre not smart enough. or maybe you just a damn DISABLED person with all your stupid ANXIETY and you should get disability neetbux loserbux disabilitybux. you’re not TOUGH ENOUGH for the REAL WORLD. some of us are TRYING to WORK, not clean up your messes.

NOBODY TOLD ME thats what all jobs are, 50 hours a week.

hehehe. but my current job ISNT like that! that’s my OLD job. which i dont have any more, which I HAVENT BEEN IN FOR ALMOST TWO FOOKING YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also pissed because I got AA twice within 5 hands and lost on bad river beats to the same damn guy. fooking flush with FOUR suited cards on the board and the other losing hand was….probably two pair. jeezum crow.

in other words, going ON TILT here hahahaha.

and we can go on TILT in our daily lives, not just at the card table.

took 1 benedryl at about 6 pm. might take another at 8 pm and another at 930. this is muh first night of the weekend ritual wher i try to substitute for doing MJ because i dont have MJ but have set aside 300 bucks to buy MJ right now if it were on offer. give me 300 bucks worth. i think you can get a full oz for around that! maybe 320. welp ill pay that too. i will buy an OZ of MJ RIGHT NOW.

i dunno. it just seems so counterintuitive for the mothers of LIFE itself – women – to not care about race. you’d think they would care MORE about race than me.

but really it DOES make perfect sense for them not to care about race – to care only about STRENGTH. find the strongest man regardless of race. that makes sense, right? yes it does. and yes that is a bitter black red pill to swallow hahaha. strength trumps race, for women at least. a white woman will choose a strong nonwhite man over a weak white man. and this is EXACTLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY what we are seeing in formerly hwite nations.

AA for a third time. got an all in after flop. other guy had TT and had flopped trips. buyin again. DAMN. i just moved some btc over into the casino last week.  and i am losing it all over again VERY quickly. on the lowest stakes tables. but bitcoin is SOARING to an UNHEARD OF 1800 dollars right now!

this is very relevant to AH’s first act hahahaha

ANOTHER MOTHER FOOKING GOD DAMN MUDSHARK on midsomer murders. white gurl with black man. good looking white gurl. TWO white mudsharks in literally TWO consecutive episodes. I HATE how these joos are just MOCKING us, thinking we dont notice or dont care. god fooking damn. i used to like the show!!!!!  but two fooking mudsharks in two back to back episodes is TOO MUCH. and I have seen AT LEAST THREE OTHER mudsharks in this show apart from these two!!!!!!


theres male oil drillers as well. absolutely ridiculous. yeah yeah blacks are awesome and all whites should mate with them. jeezus cripes.

here, a white man has a light skinned black wife. their son is the same amount black as the mother. this “mulatto” yuong man is with a white mud shark gurl. mother fooook. FFS. i dont even see this much race mixing at the local walmart!!!!!!!!!!

when youre on a Cold Streak, you cant help but constantly doubt myself: am i just on a cold streak? or am I fundamentally a BAD PLAYER. once again a great metaphor for life in general!

820 pm took benedryl # 2

very relevant map hahahaha i luv maps like this.

so are bosnians not an ethnic group? i thought they were. or were they considered serbs in 1910. many serbs LIVE in bosnia, this is the truth.

uhhh where is ruthenia hehehe. or are those just ukrainians. ruthenian is not an ethnic group, its a language spoken by galicians HAHAHAHAHA oh now theres a good joke

Remember and never forget: its not womens JOB to care about race. Becuase…………





ALOYAL or NONLOYAL would be the best word for them, rather than the active betrayal implied by “DISloyal.” they were never playing by that rulebook. loyal never entered the picture for them. loyalty is a MALE thing ONLY. its not FOR women. its FOR MEN, BY MEN.

yeah its hard to understand and accept because I probably place SUCH a high premium on loyalty, even for a man!

its the same as amoral vs immoral.

just as women are amoral, they are aloyal.

its better than being immoral or disloyal.

youre welcome for the hwyte pill hahahahahahaha.



dec 18

finished chapin book. if i weren’t already a LIFELONG FAN, it probably wouldnt convince me of anything, i wouldnt like the book, i mean it was a pretty flawed book with its kinda rough writing style, missing important points, or maybe that was just him leaving the reader wanting more. i mean if he wants to self publish short books every year, ill damn buy them! MGHOW was worth it for telling personal stories which he never used to tell in his videos (when i used to watch ALL his videos at least.) dirty degen details of his secs life, the women he dated.

now, i want to know more about his ex WIFE. in this book he also talked for about 1 page about going to grad skool and becoming a Skool Psychologist. I would like a whole chapter or book on that.

he mentions his mother was a clinical psych for 30 years and had a practice where she largely had Neurotic Career Women as clients. His Mother Knows Women.

This is HUGELY interesting and Uncle Bern should write a book on women with his MOTHER. He needs to talk about his Based Mother a lot more and how she helped him understand women.

maybe involve his mother or sister in his videos or books. especially the mother. i know she is still alive and he talks to her regularly. She sounds like a Red Pilled Woman who Bern actually respects and with good reason.

i am considering writing a review on the amazon page. i know Bern really appreciates that. i might identify the review with muh alt right username. which I am NOT using on this page because even though this page talks about alt right a lot……..i still dont want to come out to the alt right as saying i am the alt right NEET OMEGA LOSER who writes the alt right neet omega loser blog whining about women and being a neet loser.

i mean haters could probably put two and two together, but i dont want to give it to them on a silver platter! i mean they could definitely do doubt. im talking about my alt right nonneet username being connected with my alt right neet username here. never does muh real life identity being doxxed enter in. of COURSHE i have opsec of the utmost priority on that.

going to go for powerwalk at 1pm today. sunday. sunny but cold. need to use boots hehehe.

made 5 ovenburgers on today sunday. put them into little baggies with cheese and buns and put them in freezer. good 2 go.

did 1 load of laundry. medium sized. shirts and pants for job. done.

yesterday did 1 load of laundry too. drawz and socks and hats and gloves and dark stuff.

previous day did 1 medium load of laundry, all white t shirts only.

yesterday made 20 cigarets. trying to do that every saturday night. make 20 cigarets even if i only smoke 10 during the week. then put the 10 into a separate bag. i like having a big bag o cigarets in case i run out of pre rolleds.

also smokin 10 cigarets a week is not bad.

Bone Zone SHUT DOWN from youtube! i knew it would happen but that was less than 1 month. wow just wow.

I mean i always kinda liked ghoul, thought he was a little hard to listen to, but once he showed his handsome face i liked him 148800000000 times more. spent 25 bucks to buy his tshirt. he is a good goi, dindu nuffin.

1.4 mile powerwalk in snow. 20 degrees. not bad. i will go outside when its 20. not so much when it is 10. and it has been closer to 10 for a while.

took a benedryl at about 1:30pm to force myself to go to bed early tonight, get up.

emily youcis was a real degenerate, smokin MJ on camera, wearing incredibly skanky clothes on camera with her tits and ass hanging out, being a singer in a punk band. you KNOW she has done some degen shit during that time. drinkin, smokin, fookin the dirtiest randoms raw dog, taking it up the ass by guys she just met.

but i still accept her because when you come out as pro-white, using your real name, you are pretty much recanting your degen past, because everyone will turn against you. you will lose friends and fans. you will find out who your real friends and fans are.

i guess a similar thing could be said for evalion….but she didnt use her real name. well, her real FIRST name she did use. and then within 6 months her real last name was out there. but not sure what she is doing.

i would give evalion 1 dollar a month if she wasnt buddy buddy with sinead and they didnt call mill woes a degen phaggot. god damn. MILO is a degen phaggot. or prob jack donovan. but mill woes has repented for his gay past! and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this gay past is very very minimal. like evalion or sinead never did degenerate shit. they did more degen shit than MW. pot and the fookin kettle here. i am willing to forgive both women, but they make that hard to do when they attack one of my favorite guys. these people usu are the same who hate andrew anglin and TRS and spencer too. its so stupid. they were the ones who started this stupid infighting. and they are usually k1ke on a stick christian haters too. hmmmmm. also are purity spiral as fook. i dont like that varg seems to be closer to these guys. but we are a bunch of degen, k1ke enablers, phag enablers, degen, milo luvers.

heh. i wonder which side emily will gravitate towards. the dramatic women side, or the less dramatic phag joo shill side hahaha.

i dunno. i just think that a guy who had one gay experience, says ok, got it out of my system, i dont like that, is less degen than a woman who has 6 gorillion casual straight experiences!

like casual degen gay sex just seems more honest and transparent about its degeneracy, ie, there’s absolutely no other reason to have this except for degen gay hedonistic pleasure. there is no way this could ever create new life. it was never even on the table. you don’t have to take steps to prevent it. it just cant happen.

so yeah its inherently perverted….but i think equally perverted is using Birth Control so much and having So Much Recreational Sex, that you FORGET that this is the process that creates life!

dec 19

heh. spent hours at home doing a job related project because i was slightly ashamed about not finishing it by the time i left. dont want to disappoint the team. so i finished it at home. i dont want to do this every single day but i did really want to finish this before tomorrow morning. and i did. i mean i had to Streamline My Process because I had never done any of this before so it was slow going. at least now i could do it faster if needed. and i made some super in depth documentation. they might not appreciate all the details. too much they’ll say! well ok i’ll scale it back in the future. had a very relaxed stress free day today, including a 2 hour meeting that was more like a training class. didnt need to impress anyone or explain shit or sell shit. but i got more actual work done at home than i did while i was there.

office holiday lunch tomorrow, i was going to use today to prepare my witty banter, and failed to do that!

was so cold today could not do more than a 15 minute powerwalk.

still kind of sound like an autistic, spaghetti pockets moron when i talk to people, even just small talk! so frustrating.

I mean I try to be nice, I think they can see that i am trying to be nice and friendly and open and polite, but i am just a little socially awkward hehehe. i mean come on there are a few slightly awkward introverts in the office in addition to me!

dec 20

holiday lunch today. spent all yesterday finishing this “project” draft rather than preparing witty, charismatic banter to impress all 15 people in the department. ran a little late from office to restaurant. apologized profusely. only spot was sitting right next to My Direct Manager. he is a really good guy and I am grateful I can say that and it’s the truth. the majority of people don’t have a manager like that. I could TOTALLY get a Good Recommendation from this guy IF I do a good job AND I Just Darn Talk To Him!!!!! He is always in a good mood and laughing at his own jokes. I kind of like this. not in an arrogant way but more like he is genuinely a Jolly Man. He has more than a Semi Charmed Life and he KNOWS it and he is thankful for it. he has a great Career, he’s highly educated and working in a field he enjoys, working on a PhD in his field, from a good school, has a not-ugly wife and more than 2 young children. and good people skills, gets along with everybody, makes everybody feel comfortable. also he is tall and fairly handsome. but pretty down to earth and not arrogant. but not underconfident either.

yes i stalked his wife on linkedin and google. yes uncle bernard, i have NO BOUNDARIES hahahaha. (uncle bern is appalled that All Women have No Boundaries and are always GOOGLING people, he finds that crazy and rude. I see where he’s coming from….but dont you want to know about the people you work with? of course bern, or any normie would say……….JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

I mean yeah I DO, I just use the online stuff to supplement and jog memory. To add to my notes. I can’t remember were so and so went to college, did they go to x y or z, i forgot what he said his wife does, how old his kids are, etc.

i felt a little bad because i was nervous and not contributing to the conversation like a normie. not very charismatic, not very witty. this is the downside from having a Rough Three Years. you don’t have anything interesting or positive to say.

or, in general, stories about yourself and your life. you dont have anything you can talk about but all your years of failure and rejection and giving up hahahaha. and you know you shouldnt talk about that! so what DO you talk about? your interests in Huhwhyte Nationalism, Alt Right, black metal? these are professionals with masters degrees making over 50k a year who go to ANTI-TRUMP protests and pro-hillary protests! and they’re gonna listen to the new, underachieving new guy on how their whole Weltanschauung is wrong? sheeeit. im the one making 13k a year, with no wife or kids, they’re making 50k a year and have a house, wife/husbando, and kids who are going to college and will prob be successful too, unless they fook up in college like I did!

so thoughts like this make it difficult to make small talk in big groups at lunch hahahaha.

i mean no ones asked me why i didnt get a masters degree, and if they do, i’ll once bitten twice shy, i wanted to get more working experience first, so i could determine what is the best masters degree to get. i just want to become competitive and work really any of a range of possible jobs. i like counseling but i honestly dont think it would be useful for me to get a masters degree in counseling. because i want to help white neet men and white marriages. not be a social worker to black thugs. i can’t TELL people that though!

i mean its similar to how people who want to become teachers have to start out their first few years in shitty black schools. people who want to become cops have to start out first few years in shitty black cities. its called PAYING YOUR DUES, its NORMAL.

so why aren’t more normies red-pilled on race then?

because they’re DOUBLING DOWN.

the teachers much moreso than the cops, hahahahaha.

every day children are taught to hate? klan families with kids wearing trump shirts. come on. there are about ten people tops in the klan in the US, and they don’t really HATE negros. They just want an end to forced diversity and forced anti-whitism. they want to be around other whites and have their children mate with other whites and not to live in dangerous nonwhite shitholes. they want a strong, safe community. they dont HATE anybody. they just dont want their white daughters having brown babies. stupid a&e commerican for “generation kkk.” really trying to hit people in the feels.

there’s like 5 people in the KKK in 2017 hahahahaha. COME ON.

do a show about the alt right. well, then they would spin it the same way their spinning spencer. a big part of the alt right hehehehe. but like in the atlantic piece, spencer looked pretty GOOD. I could see that actually REACHING one undecided person.

tok benedryl today at around 2:30 pm. got a sleeping mask as well. try that out. also got a tape measure for body to get exact measurements. waist: about 34 inches. chest: about 39. leg: ideally, 27 or 28. total manlet hahaha.

got any 33 27 pants hahahaha

but yeah i like having this. just so i know what muh actual body actually IS. of COURSE clothes makers are WILDLY inconsistent with their measurements. i need to know where to START though. 32? 33? 34?

dec 21

mtv new years resolutions for white guys, getting some coverage right nao

white racist site vdare actually high in the news results hahahaha

wow, would ya get a load of the khazar milkers on that

dec 21

went to lunch with old colleague i had not seen in a long time. the person who is very nice and kind to me. acts as a reference for me. mutually knows both me and…….That Woman. we actually had a very good and animated talk, no autistic silent moments, like no time had passed, and, i was kinda pleasantly surprised, we did not talk about That Woman at all. our colleague somewhat likes the gossip. i kinda expected them to say SO……whatever happened between you and that woman? and i was fully prepared to take the high road, but still be honest, and say yeah that really really sucked for me, i was really upset for a long time, it’s still sad, it’s just SAD, i was stupid but she was stupid too, i was so disappointed, i wish she tried a little harder to Euthanize Our Rel With Dignity, but oh well, life goes on, i understand why she did what she did, she’s still a good person, I wish her well, I forgive her, I’m not mad at her, I’m getting over it.

but didnt even have to say any of that.

of course at the same time i secretly hope the mutual friend will contact That Woman and say guess who I saw, he’s doing well, he got a new job, come on you should have been a little nicer to him. heh. and then i would totally Accept her. even though she’s older, probably fooked 20 badbois in the past 1.5 years, maybe had a baby, maybe had some abortions, maybe got more experience in being a horrible person and casual secs and throwing people away and acting like a baby. AND being more successful at me in job. being TOUGH. saying fook you we cant help you, i am the manager and i’m saying GOODBYE, we dont have the TIME to fix your unreasonable demands, it’s not WORTH IT to us.

that she was able to TOUGH IT OUT through tough personal times, and tough job times, and just ignore me like I was nothing, and tough it out on a job I was struggling so much with, and tough it out for SO much longer, AND bounce back from a layoff super quickly, into another high stress job where you have to be tough, but you probably get paid a slightly above average (avg being 27k a year) wage as compensation. and i cant tough it out well enough as an average normie, to make an average wage.

totally SMITING me AND then going on to do WAY better at life. insult to injury hehehehe. and its not intentional. and intent does absolutely matter. it was just extremely painful………………………..for me. hehehehehe.

i just hate doing the wrong thing. i hate thinking i might do the same wrong thing in the future. make the same mistake again because i will be a COWARD again. its not that i didnt know what I should do, what I should have done was obvious even at that time! I just didnt have the courage to say it. so my mistake was not having enough courage. not acting with courage in a timely manner.

is that really such a god damn CRIME? i think other people would have been more forgiving of that. it was just a fookin PERFECT STORM, a perfect shitstorm. worst possible thing at the worst possible time.

fooking peloton commerical. i want to bang the rich skinny mom. i want to bang the tuff gurl robin the peloton instructor. i am not going to go easy on HER hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  but my main concern is, what is this womans CAREER to be living in that HOUSE??????? clearly ivy league graduate degree, near-c-level management in a fortune 10 company hehehehe. all those women like to work 100 hours a week then exercise 50 hours a week because they know they still need to have a perfect body hahahaha. then they neglect their family and their kids grow up to be school shooter neet virgin druggie burnouts hahahahahahaha. at least they can afford their drugs with their mommys money. careerbux hahahaha. fooking peloton. fook peloton. stupid word. stupid shitbike. fook it.

hehehe the colleague gave me a nice pastry/cake/sweets and i ate a chunk of it and it turned out to have like 450 calories in it hehehehehe. oyyyyyy veyyyyyyyy. they are the kind of nice person who always brings in treats and snacks and donuts and sweets and buys people lunch. my god. that is how i became acquainted with her, because she was always NICE to me, and I really do appreciate that kind of stuff.

heh. that was how i became friends with That Woman too, who was nice in a similar way. damn i miss that. yeah its NO SURPRISE at all that i got feelings for her. a pretty young gurl being VERY NICE TO YOU. the only thing that’s SURPRISING was that I didnt fall in luv with her SOONER! but that was HOW MUCH I respected peoples relationships, that i had NO desire to interfere or fook up her relship, that I didn’t let myself get feelings for a Taken Woman. but once she was not taken, and i let myself get the feels, the HORSE WAS OUT OF THE BARN and it wasnt ever gonna go back in. HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? it isn’t. i dont think any reasonable adult would find that hard to understand. sheeeeit, even SHE probably UNDERSTOOD it. she just didnt want to face a tuff situation in order to do me one last favor. just back out and do the irish goodbye hahahahaha.

whats funny is that i have done the irish goodbye many a time when I was a drinker. but that was different. I was just leaving social events quietly, not Terminating entire relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i just like the term irish goodbye hahahaha.

also you just CANT pull an irish goodbye on a real relship of 2.7 years. thats not what it is, thats not how it works. it’s just sneaking out of a large-ish PARTY when you are too drunk, tired, or awkward to say goodbye in a POLITE manner like a NORMIE. its super MINOR. Abandoning a relship needs a different term altogether. How about “abandonment” or “abandoning a relship.”

which is what i thought “ghosting” was. but thats a stupid word too and i think it works better with the minor semi faux pas of an irish goodbye!

so yeah. 90% of the time i did it, i was falling down drunk, shouldnt have been even LOOKING at a car, and probably didnt want anyone to try to stop me from driving. YIKES. glad those days are GONE. at least i became a better person than THAT.

maybe i was blazed af on MJ? thats a little better.

was listening to this middle class man tell his story, i guess he would be one of our “customers” or “clients” so I tried to help him for 2 minutes and practice my bullshitting on a system i knew even less than he did, and he was so gracious and nice, and was like you guys have such patience to work with people like me, and i was like hey just doin our job, thats what were here for, glad to do it, i’m just glad you dont have an emergency right now and youre screaming at me to fix it, and I don’t have a goddamn EXPERT in the next room who is basically twiddling his thumbs waiting for something to do! and then I grab him he helps you and I watch and learn along with you.

the “client”/internal customer might be one of the 15% who dont have a masters degree, but he has plenty of Industry Experience in a Bigass Fortune 10 company. kinda autistic but just really really nice. I appreciate that.

he talked about his son and daughter. he convinced his son not to go away to college. he sat him down and showed him spreadsheets and convincing calculations that the son could save at LEAST 50 grand by living at home and going to the cheapo college. that the College Experience wasnt WORTH 50 grand that you would struggle to pay back.

the kid listened. he lived at home, worked 60 hours a week in a Machine Shop, did associates at cheap college, then finished Engin Degree at local univ, all while living at home, working full time, doing many many classes online. now he is an engineer making damn good money with a wife and kid and dogs. about 148800000000000 times better than me.

like i bet he made more money at the machine shop than i am right now. and 60 hours a week. AND doing engin classes. the father said i would go by his room at 4 in the morning and be like WHACHA DOIN SON and the son was like i got an assignment due at 6 AM!

point is, kid had a great work ethic!

another guy tried to convince HIS son of the same thing, showed him the numbers, said here’s what you’ll have to pay back, taking a real unflinching longterm look at finances in other words, you can save a LOTTTTTT of money by going to cheap local college for 2 years, THEN you can transfer to finish your degree at State Univ. it doesnt say podunk redneck college on your diploma! and the kid fought him and say no i want to go to state univ right out of high school. well, at least this kid is going an engin major!

well at least he is probably getting some prime college poosay!!!!! 18 year old QTs! this is a party skool after all. All my life i will regret not being able to bang 18 year old 9/10’s like he is doing no. sheeeeeeeeeeeit thats WORTH 100 grand, isn’t it?

probably, because that instills you with confidence that will last you a LIFETIME, and then you will prob be successful in life, and MAKE 100 grand to pay those loans back, be a winner chad normie, have GFs and a wife and eventually children. because you banged some 18 yo QT’s while in college which gave you MASSIVE CONFIDENCE. BABOON BRAINFRAME.

OR, you could just get rejected, or just not even really try, and get super frustrated because you see 14880000000000000000000 perfect qt’s a day and you have never been with one. or if you have it was just for 2 days then the door was shut hehehehehe. and still pay the 100 grand and come out with no confidence, no skills, no charisma, no value add, no women, no charm, no grace, no game.

im glad im not in a univ town where i would see 60000000000000000000 18-25 yo qt’s all day erry day. i used to be. it was RIDICULOUS. it’s bad enough if i see a handful of Young Sluts when I go to the MALL twice a year. no thank you. TRIGGERED.

i know of a local skool where there are a good number of young qt’s. right out of high school. 18-20 years old. but half of em arent huhwhyte. this is triggering in a different way. but actually less painful I think! than seeing tons of young white women. that hits even harder on the lizard brain. but yeah race matters too. but i have some power in that. i feel empowered by contributing 10 dollars a month to pro-white people hehehehehe, empowered in a way i dont feel when dealing with young qt white wimmin. maybe if i gave THEM 10 dollars a month they would stroke muh ego. hang out with me and be nice to me and interested in me hahahahaha.

i might not be able to have white children of my own, and i see me donating money to Alt Right and Pro White as doing whatever I CAN do to help The Cause, The Movement, My People, My Race, the future of my people and our children, even if they are not MY children directly.

to be fair i am dnating 2 dollars to people that are NOT explicitly pro-white. they haven’t crossed the rubicon yet. but they are white conservatives hehehehehe. who are not anti white even implicitly. i would prefer that they be explicitly pro white. would get me to up muh donation hehehehe.

white conservatives get 12 dollars a year, pro white white conservatives get 20 dollars a year hehehehehe. upmost tier gets 25 a year. weev, andrew anglin, TRS, mill woes, fatherland.

well COULDNT i do MORE good by just donating MORE money to ONE source? save all muh donations for TRS? maybe that will push them over the edge into……what exactly. they are already on a good path.

i am even gonna give 5 dollars to foreveralone george feels.

lena dunham goes into the oven hahahahaha. you wish you had abortion. you WOULD. i’m more surprised by the fact that shes never HAD an abortion. i bet the lying jooish bitch is LYING. i bet she DID have abortions and is trying to portray herself as some innocent “normal” woman. close your legs you damn evil satanic wh0re. we dont need any more of your kind in this world. actually she prob SHOULD abort her evil SATAN SPAWN. but not even fox joos will tell you that shes jooish. NORMIES think shes WHITE. they think that fat pig amy schumer is white. this is how blue pilled normies are on the JQ. and why the JQ is such a bigass mindblowing game changing thing. it changes you hahahahaha.

and i am HAPPY that so many YOUNG people are hip to the JQ, even if semi-jokingly. hell yes you can have fun and make jokes with it. but i think they honestly GET IT too. its IMMENSELY powerful to have YOUNG people understand the JQ. I didnt get it until I was……i dunno at least 28 years old. I mean I was aware of joos and calling people k1k3s when i was 22, and knew j00s were scheming and greedy and evil back then……..but I didnt REALLY understand it. i wasnt even reading stormfront or vnn, and there wasnt any alt right or /pol for me to read. no pepes, no memes. no trs, no weev, no daily stormer, no /pol, no greg johnson, no richard spencer. what a sad world hahahaha.  im not even sure if there was reddit. the best thing we had was heartiste. who is honestly pretty GOOD. he is pretty good on the JQ. but was he back THEN? prob not as much.

i did get into greg johnson around 2012 though hahahaha. didnt i do my amazon timeline recently???!??!?!?? well i was reading and listening to greg and counter currents WELL before I bought his book.

2012: mindweapons, counter currents, and eradica did it for me. they converted me hahahaha. and david duke. THANK YOU hahaha. oh yeah i should donate to counter currents prob eh.

i dont expect ANY woman to understand this. I just want a woman who is instinctively REPULSED by being with any race other than a white man. I want a woman who has never BEEN with a nonwhite man, WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF IT without disgust. And I honestly think there are a goodly number of these women out there, they just wont tell it on the mountain in front of their friends for fear of being called you-know-what.




am i the only sane person that i need to mansplain basic emotional intelligence lessons to women, like “ghosting” is painful? that it hurts a lot to be thrown away like garbage. compared to being “dumped cordially”? hehehe recent PT article on the pain of “ghosting” which is a gay word

One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low.13 If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (pain-killer) released into the brain after a rejection when compared to those whose self-esteem is higher.14

Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty.15 It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.

Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.

How do you move forward?

The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don’t understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully.

Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.

ok gotcha. will do hahahaha. great article on a horrible thing haw haw haw.

” “Plenty of people” don’t become emotional and verbal abusers for no reason.
Ghosting is a severe form of emotional abuse, on par with cheating. There is no respectfulness in either. Verbal abuse, even though reprehensible and hurtful, is not as insidious as pretending that, not only you ceased to exist, but also all that you ever had together was void of any true meaning, feelings or purpose, and therefore not even worthy any acknowledgement. On the other hand, even if you scream and shout at someone, at least you acknowledge that person is/was part of your life.”   a comment on that article hahahahahaa

a Bad breakup can cause despair even more than the death of a loved one, phds say

Researchers found losses that involved lower self-esteem were twice
as likely to trigger depression as ones that involved loss alone. This
was particularly true of breakups that were initiated by the other
partner or that involved infidelity or violence.

“The most toxic combination was loss and humiliation that in
some way directly devalued the individual,” says Kenneth S.
Kendler, professor of psychiatry and lead author of the study.

yes doc id say i was DIRECTLY DEVALUED hahahahaha! Directly Devalued? ID SAY SO!!!!!

this guy is kind of a fruity hippy but he manages to make some interesting points

which i am too lazy to copy paste.

TO WORDPRESS STAFF: if you think i am violating TOS or some shit by copy and pasting long quotes, just go ahead and unpublish THIS POST ONLY and let me know, rather than shutting the whole blog down and making me beg to have somebody review it.

yeah its painful cuz its a condemnation of me. its not saying, i just cant do this any more, dont take this to mean you are a bad person. its i cant do this any more AND you are a bad person, a piece of shit. which is a terrible thing to tell somebody while you are DUMPING them.

you take it as a real bad value judgment against yourself. a good breakup vs a bad breakup hahahaha and this was a bad one.

anyway i can forgive her because she was having some family stress and that will be my final verdict as to “WHY SHE DID THIS” because GOD HELP ME if I could ever understand why you could ever throw away another person like garbage. i dont WANT to understand that point of view.

so i will just say she was/is under a lot of family stress.

its not a GOOD excuse or reason, because she can still do her JOB; and also my pain is still probably worse than hers. a bad breakup is worse or as bad as a death of a loved one hahahaha.

also if my loved one were dying, i would still be able to READ ONE EMAIL. and i would also be able to WRITE ONE EMAIL, saying, sorry i just cant do this, we need to stop hanging out, im sorry to break your heart, its not you its me, i am not rejecting you as a human being, but this is the end, sorry, take care, bye bye.  see? one sentence. i wrote it in LESS THAN ONE MINUTE. even if ALL my loved ones were dying AT THE SAME TIME i could take LESS THAN ONE MINUTE to write something.

maybe she feels betrayed that i “picked the worst possible time” to get feelings for her, when she was having family trouble. basically a beloved family member is getting old and infirm and doesnt have too much longer. well i got the feelings before i knew abotu that, it took a while of my pushiness before she even told me this. getting information from her is WORSE than pulling teeth. its like pulling teeth that never come out.

im the mother fookin MOON MAN hahahaha. the one and only n199er killin racist moon hahahaha. ratta tat tat dat ass, droppin n199erz like dummies hahahahahaha

and building traditional nuclear familiez with traditional marriageable loving nonpromiscuous womenz hahahaha

anyway i of course addressed all this in the emails. i address just about EVERYTHING in the emails, if she would just READ them.  i said i KNEW it was a horrible timing, and i didnt PLAN to get these feelings at this time, and i KNOW about the family thing, but PLEASE just respond to me with a short message or something. i just want to be treated like a human being. i know our rel has to end, but lets end it in a good way rather than a horrible way PLEASE.

also becuase she is a classic victim, some kind of tragedy is ALWAYS happening with her. i think she honestly is unlucky but other times i wonder if she is just a “tragedy magnet.”  like stop pretending you really knew that random person who died hahahahaha you met them once 10 years ago hahahahaha. i dont know she stopped letting me in to talk about stuff, she wanted to shut me out and not have me know her any more.

prob because she was uncomfortable with me liking her. she felt that was putting too much pressure on her. i wasnt putting pressure on her to like me back. i am EMOTIONALLY MATURE enough to know you cant MAKE somebody like you.

you can ask them to TALK ABOUT something that is affecting BOTH OF YOU however.

anyway yeah this was a legit family tragedy rather than somebody she went to grade school with dying, so i can/do/will forgive her for having a lot on her plate and treating me poorly. just saying that if all my loved ones were dying at the same time and somebody liked me, i would still be able to read their emails and reply to them.

really? like i would CHOOSE to get feelings for you, at a time when you were undergoing a lot of stress and could not POSSIBLY return them. come on.

now i get an irritable bowelz from drinking TEA. not AS bad as coffee, but still irritated and poopy. come on.

but yeah anxiety does not become MEN. and when men get anxiety its more debilitating for them than it is for women. it totally ruins their whole life in other words.

MILLENNIAL WOES is doing 7 days of hangouts around the xmas. 4 hours a day, 7 days straight. this is awesome. i was JUST THINKING, why doesnt he do a regular hangout, like a chat room of old, only now you can do a hangout. so i hope he does like 1 hangout a week just to talk to people. i like that he likes talking to people and engaging them, this builds a real community imho. i might even get in on one of the hangouts! THE WOES DOES NOT CLOSE.

anuwhee.  im sorry i was not perfect! in healthy relships the people accept each other for NOT being perfect. in unhealthy rels, one person will find some stupid reason to dump you even if you are damn near perfect.

if my whole family were on their deathbed and she wrote me an email saying SORRY FOR LIKING YOU, please respond, I WOULD RESPOND. Id say no dont be sorry, im sorry i dont like you back. thats final. we should have some distance between each other now. i respect what we had and i dont want to throw you away like garbage. you are a good human being but i just will never feel that way about you, im sorry. it will be for the best for us not to hang out any more becuase we want different things out of each other. take care and im sorry it could never work out. feel free to write more but im not gonna change my mind on this, its final. but since we should end this, i think we should end it in a mutually respectful way. the end.

DONE! i just did it AGAIN, in under 5 minutes. Now I can go back to tend to my whole family on their deathbed.

you can send me emails and voice recordings cuz i know its important to feel heard.

but i just dont want you like that. you cant make me love you. im sorry. i know it hurts. ive been there before. for me the best thing was no contact. dont get any false hopes. i will not lead you on. get over me and find someone who does appreciate you. im sorry to have to do this because i know it hurts. but i have to cuz its the truth. this is the end.


but yeah i dont WANT meet anyone new, i dont want to go through all of that. i already Vetted her, i already knew she was a good person, she passed the test, and then she went completely off the reservation. but its so hard to START OVER with someone new, especially when i dont want to, especially when i dont make friends easily, especially when i met her we got along SO EASILY, right away, yet we didnt fook each other right away like most filthy whores, we got along well immediately but still took our time to get to know each other, because it takes TIME to get to know and trust someone. always. it doesnt happen overnight. so why do people fook each other overnight? its stupid and it RUINS relationships imho. well it does for me. and anyone else who believes you should take time to get to know each other before having secs. which is like .0000000000000000001% of people unfortuantely.

ok try it again just for fun: im sorry but i dont like you back. this is going to hurt you and im sorry. i dont want to lead you on, or throw you away. im sorry but i dont share these feelings. because of that i dont think we can be just friends any more. sorry about that. it doesnt mean i hate you. i dont hate you. i think youre a good person, but i just dont feel the same way as you do, and if we continue hanging out, that will probably hurt you, and i dont want to lead you on. so we have to end this. im sorry it worked out this way but i cant change the way i feel. i just dont have feelings for you and i never will. take care of yourself. goodbye and im sorry.

the end. DONE! AGAIN!

its SO EASY! and ive never ever had to do this before! i just know what i’d like to hear from having it happen to me!

i was thinking about just LYING and saying i was laid off. its SO MUCH EASIER than to say you got hysterical and unrealiable and RAGEQUIT cause youre an anxious unmasculine omega male who couldnt handle a WOMAN. damn.