13 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 31

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

http://pastebin.com/xUh6Djef

put this in sidebar, i want to caputre the worst article ever AND a few hundred comments

nymag open marriage cuckoldry article by sonmore

INFAMOUS

http://pastebin.com/67FxT9wi

here is the sequel / follow up with the man and his “wife.”

the first article is timeless, classic, godawful, and i will put it in the sidebar As A Ghastly Monument (Ruins of Beverast reference/credit.)

i might be moving Towards A New Cover Letter Hermeneutic where the new Way is really to hit them HARD with a Fully Tailored, Individualized First Paragraph that cups their balls and sucks their dick and appeals to their mission and demonstrates my passion for their company and how i can add value and increase profitability by specifically matching the requirements of the specific job, in the culture of this specific company, addressing these particular pain points, and why i am THE SINGLE BEST CANDIDATE out of millions, and this, and no others, IS my Dream Career.

in other words, REALLY step up my Tailoring of the CL. I tailor the CL a TINY bit, changing a few words or sentences each time. so, do more than that.

also, attempt to aim for the Average Salary of my state, and NOT the whole US, which is 28k, and my state is a LITTLE below that.

yeah 12 to 16 is a ridiculous range to give. i should just say 12 to 14.

or 12 to 13 hahahaha.

people who have college careers and make 40k + cringe at talk like this. they never mention numbers. i mention numbers ALL DAY.

yeah i guess i used to think it was VULGAR too. but now I just think its Keeping It Really Real. How Much Does The Market Say You Are Worth?

no its not the sum total of Who You Are…..but it DOES tell me a LOT about what Your Employer thinks you are Worth, and What Kind of Life you live, and probably the type of people you associate with.

(People tend to associate with people who make about the same amount of MONEY as they do. So I feel a little weird when people who make WAY MORE MONEY than I do, huge winners, invite me to hang out with them. Of course I accept the invitation graciously.)

so yeah fook this 15 dollars an hour bullshit. i am willing to pay my dues and make 13 dollars an hour like the people in muh subaverage state. those fancy phaggots in joo york and phag phagcisco can take their 15 dollars an hour and pozz each others assholes with it. besides in those cities it costs 600000k per month to live in a one room shack tiny house, and it costs 90000000$ for a package of ramen. no thanks.

if a man is complaining about COMMUNICATION all the time, and his wife/gf is never WILLING to COMMUNICATE, and she’s always SHUTTING ME OUT, and so DISTANT, and putting up a WALL, she has to be willing to COMMUNICATE, well then thats him signalling that HE has HUGE communication issues, he’s projecting, HE’S really the one who doesnt know how to COMMUNICATE hahahaha.

i was watching married at first sight and derek was complaining about his distant, unwilling, stubborn, bitchy horrible (but very bangable) wife, who simpyl would not give him a chance. he is kinda a douchebag but he had some GREAT points about communication, where I nodded my head vigorously and said YES. YASSSS. THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

and hes also right that she is no spring chicken at 33, but my god she has a very fookable ass hahahahahahaha. she has to be in the top 10% of attractiveness for 33 year old women. I would DESTROY her.

and this derek is a pretty masculine man too, i’m sure he would destroy her too, but thats how stubborn she is. she probably would have gladly let him destroy her 5 years ago. now im not sure what she wants. probably a total beta bucks sort of guy. she probably WANTS the total doormat that says anything you want hunny. but i have to wonder, who does she want For SECS, at this moment? she’s always gonna want the masculine guy for secs. so why not have secs with her masculine husbando derek?

unless she’s such a sleazebag that she needs TWO or more men. alpha fooks, beta bucks, and never the twain shall meet. i guess she’s never experienced a best of both worlds alpha who is masculine AND makes a ton of money. but  she’s hawt enough to pull such a man (albeit not necessary without sharing him), and doesnt she meet plenty of powerful men as a Stewardess? like the powerful alpha men in First Class and such?

so yeah i am most fascinated in this couple. then sonia and nick a distant second, and i dont really care about the third couple hahahaha.

basically a 33 year old woman with no children is guaranteed to be SUPER CRAZY. her body is telling her to have a baby RIGHT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE and you have to keep that in mind. i guess its ok if you want to have a baby right now too. but its gonna be real hard to have MULTIPLE babies with this woman. she shoulda started having babies AT LEAST TEN YEARS AGO.

fulton sheen on difference between BAD, and EVIL.

 

hilarious first hour with moishe, not sure if florian mentions the sheen story in this one though

start at 1:47:00. this is exactly where florian makes the point about fulton sheen. this is probably the single best episode of nationalist review EVAR: a full hour of moishe being absolutely ridiculous, natt being natt, a bit by “degenerate dan”, a full discussion and reading of that horrendous nymag cuckold article, AND florian uses that to introduced sheen’s point:

that a bad man simply does bad things, sins, like lie, cheat, steal, hurt, kill.

but a truly EVIL man actively and intentionally works to undermine truth, beauty, and goodness ITSELF. true evil seeks to portray vice as virtue. like the cuckold husband who does disgusting mental gymnastics to portray his cuckoldry as True Luv for his wife. true evil just makes a disgusting mockery of truth, beauty, and goodness.

i didn’t actually hear sheen’s actual story, just florian describing it. but i’ve seen plenty of sheen, and he is pretty badass, and the more i hear of florian, the more i like/luv him. he is possibly the new fulton sheen for 2016 alt right. and he is a very young man, like 23 years old. AND he is in seminary to become a catholic priest. AND he is alt right and joo wise and insanely, autistically smart. AND he has created a better joo character than morrakiu, with moishe the mossad handler.

ok florian is definitely in contention to be man of the year 2016 hahahahaha. i sort of wish he wasn’t becoming a priest so he could have white children. but I like the idea of a 1488 catholic priest too.

shit i would say become a priest and have children ANYWAY. let them kick you out.

actually i think you can become a priest AFTER you have children.

florian should def have children. but I very much appreciate him being a MAN OF GOD.

his regular voice is a little autistic, but he is SUCH a great awesome guy it doesnt even matter. this guy is SO good.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Fulton_J._Sheen

so yeah. listen to that whole episode. if its not SHUT DOWN by the time this post posts. im downloading that shit again.

the best thing ive heard lately that isnt the fatherland hahahaha. well it does have ryan from the fatherland and i luv him too. great, great men. I would LUV to go to a trs convention and meet these guys.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/08/31/the-daily-shoah-100-ep-88-part-13-of-14-a-hundred-a-hundred-twenty-episodes/

millennial woes on the new daily shoah!!! (100th episode!) NOICE!! I hope he uses some N words and K words and F words and such and isnt such a nice guy hahaha. i dont think hes even been on the shoah before. ITS ABOUT TIME.

sept 1

had weird dream that i was a Rookie Police Officer just starting out, getting On The Job Training from the guys, and I was very quickly On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, and was very anxious like, whoa guys, i think i’m in over my head, i don’t think im TOUGH ENOUGH to handle this, maybe i’m not cut out for this job, maybe I should quit, I mean really, I dont have it in me! you need a tougher guy!

and the guys were all tough but also generally in favor of me not quitting I think, or they would disrespect me as an inferior pvssy if i quit, and were like, yeah its tough at first, but you just gotta TOUGHEN UP, gotta TUFF GET GOING, gotta not let it bother you, power through it, etc and other platitudes.

i think for most Cops though there is better training than what i experienced in the dream. like when you pay 20 grand to go to Police Academy, that’s where they train you for like 12 weeks hehehehe on all the aspects of being a Cop.

also cops get ongoing paid training because of like lawsuits and shit. peoples lives are at stake, its one of those jobs, like doctors and nurses and shit. lives are in your hands. people could die, and that means million dollar lawsuits, thus you implement official training pogams to Cover Your Ass.

unlike some companies where you dont need to cover your ass so much, and you can Screw and Joo customers with impunity, so it DOESNT MATTER if your people are trained. and the advice from management is, do what you need to do to get them on their way and make/save time and money.

thankfully i never had to Upsell Add On Products and shit. but the employees I was Supporting sure did. and they were generally as poorly trained as we were, and there they were talking to the ACTUAL customers. pressured by THEIR managers to try to sell the customers shit they REALLY didnt need, and also not understanding the products. yet trying to sell them. to people who didnt need them. when the products themselves were overpriced shady bullshit that were thoroughly jooish to the core. buy this extra advanced warranty goy. just in case. only 50 dollars more. just in case of a worst case scenario.

also the company was in general, dying. there is talk the company will be sold. but its a publicly traded company with shareholders. can you have a reverse IPO where a once public company becomes privately held again? i guess you can do esoteric shit with stock buybacks or stock splitting or something.

i guess theoretically the stock price could go SO low, and then there are Equity Firms who might gobble up a Majority Ownership of the company.

i dont know, I don’t have an MBA, I only have like 25 credits of Business Classes, hahahahaha.

which is more than Average, 13 dollar an hour normies have!

but you can also get an ok business sense from working at a company for a few years and just talking to people.

at my company, there was tons of rumors and speculation, among the more savvy people like me, that were even interested in speculation about why was the company doing this, rather than being like idk ikr lol weed lmao.

people like me who were frustrated and wanted to understand why the company and our department was such an egregious, backwards, shameful, disorganized, mismanaged clusterfook, and how it could be improved. well, more training, more actual legit experts who knew what they were doing, more time and money, more quality people actually improving actual quality, more testing, more actual listening to customers, much better executive management who understood the importance of IT as being more than just a Cost Center, etc.

standard!

but yeah its just horribly frustrating to have an angry, stressed person pushing you to fix their problem, because youre supposed to be the expert, fixing problems is your job, and you have no idea what you’re doing, and you look like you don’t know what you’re doing, becuase you really don’t, and you can’t appeal to a Subject Matter Expert in a way that is actually useful for either you or the customer. Most customers would be jsut fine if you said, wow, this is a pretty complex problem, here’s Joe Flabeetz, he’s been here for 2 years and really knows what he’s doing, Joe is great. its much worse when you say, i dont know what to do, let me talk to Joe, and then you “talk” to Joe in a shitty chat room where he is helping 20 other lost souls like you, telling you stuff that doesnt make sense. then you go back to the customer and try to do that thing, and explain it.  NATURALLY, UNDERSTANDABLY, they wonder, can’t you just get Joe over here? he clearly knows what he’s doing, you clearly don’t, so just get him on the case.

but one does not simply just get a SME on the case. because they are just as busy as we are and are not gonna escalate a case without a fight.

you could probably turn newbies into SME’s quicker with REGULAR TRAINING. but again, thats millions of dollars for people who want to get out of here ASAP anyway. or they can just go mad and snapquit like me hahahaha.

it all makes perfect sense: DONT SPEND MONEY IF YOU DONT ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.

the company can afford to not support their employees, shit they can afford to some extent to provide shitty, overpriced, screwjob jooish service to their customers. anything you can get away with. no exchanges, no refunds. all sales final. don’t like it, complain to the better business bureau bitches. don’t like it, do this shit yourself or go to our competitors.

see thats going too far though! why would you knowingly push your customers towards your competitors?

AND THATS WHY THE COMPANY IS FAILING. it used to be a successful, reputable company. now it is a sinking ship and more people can’t ignore that.

so yeah, i think a large part of why my experience was SO NEGATIVE was the culture of the company, being a large “big dog” old school company that was starting to fail on a massive scale. i mean they will implement retarded changes on a daily basis, yet be so Entrenched that they wont implement the actual Radical change needed. just do stupid spazzout bandaid fire putout bullshit. nothing meaningful, nothing that is good for the long term. short term only.

heh. that woman didnt care. she was just like go with the flow, dont let it bother you, dont bother me about it, i dont care, idk lol, dude weed lmao.

i mean women are not well equipped to have logical, sensible, reasonable, insightful thoughts about Business anyway……… but with all these educated women in careers, i think they can at least go through the motions of talking about business.

well, we did not have alot of those type of women in our department hahaha.

so i’m saying i prefer a more business savvy woman?

NO….i don’t even prefer a more intelligent woman. shit she was intelligent ENOUGH. i think she COULD have been taught to be more business savvy, not that she needed be…..

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, really I just wanted her to talk to me more, be nicer to me, and just have a HALFWAY decent conversation about Our Jobs and Our Company!!!!!!! don’t you have an OPINION on this retardation! it affects you as much as it affects me! and she probably DID have an opinion! she just didnt want to talk to me any more. and i was very upset about that. her withdrawing from me and building a huge wall.

so yeah that was deffo the root issue hahahaha.

and I was very frustrated because I was aware of that root issue, and trying to resolve it, and getting NOWHERE, because I needed cooperation and willingness from her, and she refused to get it.

lets meet, lets sit at the table together, talk, and try to MAKE A DEAL. lets negotiate and compromise and both leave unhappy hahahahahahahahaha. and i was sitting at the table all day waiting for her to show up, and she just no called no showed the whole time.

so yeah that why i was very upset hahahaha.

dont just say dont let it bother you. get a thicker skin. believe me I would love to.

now, I had great conversations with a couple of my male friends at the job, and we all should have been promoted to level 3 and never have to take a call ever again hahahaha. make 18 bucks an hour hahaha.

i wasnt asking her to be as insightful as us, i just wanted her to give SOME effort into thinking about this. i mean it was stupid NOT to have righteous indignation over it, and to just say dont let it bother you, and smoke MJ. you can smoke MJ and still have opinions about this ridiculousness! and partially i was JEALOUS of her ability to DISCONNECT from the job like that, do it so Coolly, yet still miraculously do a “good” job and be liked by everyone. well yeah she was a likeable person hahahaha.

ishould probably give agalloch a second try. should i listen to the above album or “the mantle.” i was torn. i went to youtube and tried to compare the Productions, which one sounded better. they both sounded pretty close but maybe this one has a 5% stronger guitar sound. also, i technically tried listening to “the mantle” like 4 years ago and i was like, yeah this is ok, but i guess im not in the mood for something like this.

i guess now at least i am in the mood to give them a try again. i guess i want something thats like beautiful atmospheric black metal, but very melodic and very easy to listen to, with immediately catchy riffs and melodies and songs. but without being so NEW that it gets TOO much into “post rock” or “blackgaze”. something old enough that it was around when I was young and actually interested in music. the mantle came out in 2002, which is right in my wheelhouse yearwise, this one came out in 2006, when i had stopped caring about music, well, thats not true. i recall i was keeping up on the current work of katatonia and goatwh0re. but not being super duper into it, or into anything. lots of drinking. damn. increasing amounts of drinking. stupid. i stopped caring about new music, or music in general, some dark days.

so 2002 was really a much better year for me music wise than 2006…..but ive already heard a bit of the mantle, and if i like ashes against the grain, i’ll try the mantle. also the mantle is like 68 minutes long, which is way too long for an album. ashes is 59 minutes. still way too long, but better than 68.

and of course in 2014 and much of 2015 i was not interested in music so much either, because worrying about the job, or i was devastated by my loss and failure hehehehe. so i guess ive rebounded to a kind of peak right now of interest in music, as in trying to find NEW music, which is remarkable, cuz much of the time i like to Build A Wall and say yep ive got more than enough music thank you, dont need any new stuff. there’s nothing good left out there. its all hipster phaggot degenerate bullshit. theres plenty of stuff  from before 2000 i havent listened to yet.

and its FINE to close the ranks and circle the wagons….but i dont want to do that more than half of the time. i would always like to be SOMEWHAT open to new music.

and agalloch i think is right in line with stuff that i have enjoyed. like when i was young i enjoyed opeth a lot, i still enjoy their older stuff, and i have always enjoyed “in the woods….” a norwegian sorta black metal group from the 90s that was atmospheric and progressive and avant garde when those things werent NEARLY as cool as they are now.

heh like the other day i wanted to listen to hammerfall and i only ended up listening to the first two songs on the album. and that album was only like 40 minutes. perfect length.

went to jcpenneys. it was a mixed bag. i had high hopes.  saw some beautiful high school girls in there with their Moms for Back 2 Skool shopping. nothing wrong with a 35 year old man ogling 16 year old gurls hahahahahaha.  at that age you really want to Protect and Provide for them, and you would Happily swear an oath to their Faithful Fathers that you would not bang them until they are 18, or if the father really wanted grandchildren, then you could have him sign off for age 17, and you would promise to not frivolously divorce her hahahahahaha. and she would promise to not frivorce YOU really.

so yeah you dont look at the beautiful 16 year old gurl and say “yeah id like to pump and dump that trashwh0re, ride hard and hang them up wet” the way you would say about a 30 year old skank. you say “damn i wouldnt mind MARRYING that gurl and having her be the mother of my children. Assuming she’s not ALREADY a huge slut. Let’s have a talk with her father.”

90s and 00s metal. that was my thing. i’m not sure i even lasted 10 good years. but 1996 to 2003 for sure might have been my best years.

in terms of The West, those were not great years. especially 96 to 2001 hahahaha. the late 90s was the high of nihilism and decadence and degeneracy where shit was probably just as bad as it is NOW, except people were more despairing. shit was BAD, although things werent AS Sexualized, and attitudes about Gays were definitely a bit better. but there was nothing to hold onto. there was no alt right. there was no hope for the youth, which i was one. the music was especially shitty. it reflected the nihilism and lack of general quality perfectly. stuff like groove metal and nu metal and korn. well at least there was a ton of catchy alternative pop type stuff. i shoulda got into that more at the time.

there seemed to be much less red pilled young people then. people were not waking up fast enough.

and i do think 911 in 2001 was a bigass paradigm shift, the beginning of a new era, a time of awakening. the sleeping nihilist giant awakens and then stumbles around in confusion for about 10 more years hahahaha. trying to shake off that nihilism and sense of no purpose. trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it.

for me at least, the internet did not become a HUGE thing until after 2000. from like 98 to 00 we used slow dialup shit and i was already a degenerate, looking at jooish filth and actually reading Erotic Stories. which I guess is slightly less jooish. playing doom and quake. writing ridic stories of me finding a Nice GF and having a traditional monog longterm rel at age 15 hahahaha. see, my main goal was not degenerate.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1990s&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

hahahaha i have been looking at these goddamn RYM lists for like a month straight trying to find the perfect album to listen to

like here is the best metal (incl all subgenres) for the 90s.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1996&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

you can also put in an exact year like 1996 hahahahahaha

also i wanted to say that listening to the daily shoah for the first time in a while (well i did listen when fatherland jim guest hosted a few weeks ago), is that i must remind myself not to forget how powerful mike enoch is. i mean he is really smart and just says the most interesting, smartest, most awesome things. i guess its easy to forget because his voice is ridiculous and he sounds like seth roganblatt. but the things he says are just amazing. here he is doing a 80 hour work week, hasn’t had time to read the news or do anything but work his tech job, and he comes onto TDS and is pretty high energy and very very solid and convincing in the things he was saying, just having very very good conversations where he is contributing most of the quality.

not to crap on seventh son or special guest millennial woes, but yeah this is enoch’s show and he is very very good at what he does. needs to trim down the number of people so he can dominate the conversation any more. him, SS, and MW would have been ideal.

heh i saw my confirmation email for applying to a part time job, and thought OH NO THATS THE FASTEST REJECTION EMAIL EVER!! and then laughed when i realized it was just the CONFIRMATION email that they had received my application. awesome job though hahahahaha. 30 hours a week, 15 dollars an hour, right when i have officially announced that 13 dollars is my new goal, that 15 is out of my league hehehehe.

ITS OFFICIAL. MY PRICE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE DOWN TO 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR. THAT IS MY WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING. hahahaha. no silly, that’s just my worth to the MARKET of human beings!!!!!

at the gas station today I saw a white man arguing pretty rudely with the poor clerk making 9 hourly. i couldnt see the clerk because they were in this little glass booth. it was one of those gas stations that doesnt even have an inside, and the cashier is in a tiny booth/shack. there was a huge line behind this white guy who….i couldnt tell what was going on. it sounded like he was getting charged 36 dollars when he disputed it and thought he should be charged 26, and he wasn’t gonna pay a penny more. he was maybe early 30s and had a stupid mohawk like haircut and tattoos all over his arms. good job. i really hope the clerk was not white, but even if they WERE nonwhite, they didn’t deserve this kinda treatment, and I was a bit ashamed that a fellow white man could be such a dickhead to a poor miserable gas station clerk. Whites are supposed to be Polite Customers. its blacks and arabs who are Asshole Customers.

I thought about going up to the clerk and apologizing hahahahaha. well, not apologizing, but sorry you had to go through that. I know you weren’t trying to do anything wrong. he was way out of line. he’s an asshole.

go get your manager. uhhhh the managers not here today. i’m not sure when he will be back. i can’t do anything for you. well then call the manager right now. i want to talk to him right now. uhhhh he doesnt give employees his phone number. well who do you call if its an emergency? meanwhile there is a huge line of people who just want to prepay for their gas. i avoided all this because i paid at the pump with a card hahahahaha.

mike enoch does not get all super intellectual either. he just gives real talk, absolutely no bullshit, no jerking off. he says like and dude a lot but unlike with most people who say these words a lot, it does not make him sound unintelligent. he is real good at talking to people and just great verbal intelligence on this goy hahahaha. this is the guy you want talking for you. real convincing salesman. but not in a bullshit dishonest way. he needs to quit his job and spend all his time talking and networking and meeting with people. he is a real good people person and communicator.

i wonder what the hell he did before TRS. I guess he had a big libertarian phase and did a lot of 4chan. dont quote me.

listened to the first 2 songs of the agalloch album, they were pretty good. decent production. a blast beat would be nice. also the black metal vocals are pretty unimpressive and really dont seem to fit. something a bit deeper, or alternately, a DSBM or old burzumy scream would be better. the corny clean vocals are better.

uhhh seems to be plenty of “melodic doom” in the vein of old katatonia going on, that i wasnt really expecting, but i guess i’m not surprised, and i am not disappointed either.

overall, very melodic, very very, not super opethy unless you think of an alternate opeth where they continued in the vein of their first two albums…….which is not a problem for me!

but now i have a damn melodic doom katatoniaish song stuck in my head and I don’t know what it is!!!!!!!!!

it has a catchy mournful weeping guitar melody.

it is pretty brave murder day ish, but i dont think its from that album.

it could be from the first october tide album, but i dont think so.

and i’m not sure what else it could be.

sept 2

you know i think it might be beneath the rain or whatever that doom band from portugal with the guy from morgion singing.  on their second main album.

before the rain?

YASSSS there is is, aroun 20:23, actually that motif is all throughout this song “shards” and it repeats a lot, but i was particularly thinking of the higher octave guitar going into the “weeping” range hahahaha.

FOUND IT!!!!

yeah the album is a little long but it has a great production and great style and is pretty underrated and i only found it because i am a big morgion fan.

fooking rate your music lists really interferon with muh job search hahahaha.

fook working for a living like an honorable white man. i am just gonna become a black ingra hahahaha.

yeah i dont want to pedestalize That Woman too much. it’s VERY GOOD to remember I have been Decent Friends with, I have been CLOSE TO OTHER WOMEN before. she doesnt STAND ALONE. I had at least two pretty good female friends where we were decent friends for like approx 2 years. talking freely, being comfortable with each other.

yeah i never fell in LUV with them but thats NOT THE POINT. well, yes and no. yeah that was the one thing that differentiated that woman.

but i never want to lose sight of the fact that i have gotten close and friendly with OTHER women. NOT JUST HER.

rejection email THREE MONTHS after applying for job. the spreadsheet did not even exist until 2 months ago.

entry level position at big well known company, great job, but 95% of its postings are for Senior Level Engineers.

ANYWAY. when you fall in LUV with a woman you FEEL closer to them. it’s a fantasy, its all in your head, but i don’t like describing it like that, thats misleading. because it’s VERY real for YOU. YOU ACTUALLY ARE very close to THEM……………………………but THEY are not nearly as close to YOU. by saying its all in your head, it mocks the realness, truth and beauty of your Luv. so, I wont do that.

like when i fell in luv with women i didnt even KNOW. OF COURSHE i FELT close to them, even though I didn’t even KNOW them!

the DIFFERENCE this time, was I fell in luv with someone I ACTUALLY KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and still, apparently, I didn’t know them well enough!

but yeah i MUST NOT think of myself as some WEIRDO CREEPER ALIEN who CANT get along with women, because I have become close friends with OTHER WOMEN THAN JUST HER.

I just never fell in LUV with any of them, so thats why That Woman was such a big deal.

went to jcpenney and found some great nike revolution 3 running shoes. but they did not have the size in the color i wanted.

so then i went to zappos and ordered the size for about the same price. i hate the idea of ordering SHOES online, but technically i HAD already tried on a pair of the same style of shoe, just a diff COLOR. and i wasnt gonna back down here.

interestingly enough, i was aiming to replace a pair of Revolution 2 which i had bought 2 years ago and are now falling apart and completely worn out. i guess i am a Nike Revolution man. so I should look for the Revolution 4 in 2 more years.

man those one year at a time charts on rym are great. i can see all the albums I was enjoying at the time, ANDDDDDDD see all the ones from that time period that I missed. there was a ton of good stuff in those years that i missed because i was a teen listening to groove metal hahahaha. no i liked half good stuff too, some black metal. i have been a black metal fan for TWENTY YEARS hahahahahahahahahaha. well, maybe 19.

just tell these antiwhite k1kes in interviews that ive been spending the last 14 months looking at black metal charts on RYM hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i havent been smokin any MJ ya k1kes!

not that you should be PROUD about smokin MJ. its for degenerates. its INHERENTLY DEGENERATE.

its TERRIBLE that I still want to do it. that I still want to do it WITH HER. goddam degenerate DEVILS CABBAGE.

if anyone speaks glowing of MJ, publicly humiliate them! and then go smoke it privately hahahhaha.

i really hate successful people who make like 30k a year who say i can smoke MJ and I’m a successful productive member of society! I’m happy with my life and my job and I am a successful family man! and I make 30k a year!

comment sections of news articles on legalizing mj and all these pro-legalization types saying shit like that.

well i am pro legalization too, but more of the “conservative libertarian” way, rather than Have Big Govt Regulate and Tax Tax Tax it! but let each city decriminalize it.

i mean I just imagine all the tax money being wasted anyway, like the 200 million in tax revenue colorado got from MJ. it will just be wasted on public skools in black ghettos hahahaha where the money wont do any good. or paying teacher administrator pensions hahahahahaha.

it wont go to fix shitty roads, it wont go to more police and ems in black crime ghettos, or blight cleanup, or anything useful like that. thats where your MJ tax money will go. just like alcohol and tobacco tax money.

so yeah dont tax it. save the money to build up MJ production companies hahahaha. or even small time MJ producers in the cities where it is legal.

well companies are STILL gonna drug test for jobs anyway, that practice has not changed even in colorado, in fact its probably gotten even more prevalent! cuz now theres more lazy ingrish potheads out there who would make terrible workers hahahaha.

i am being partially facetious since i always try to work my hardest even if i am using MJ afterwards.

but maybe i am just a shitty worker but i think i am a good worker.

i mean shit, i can’t handle the bare minimum at muh old job! my best was worse than their worst! hahahahaha.

NO, that’s not entirely true. for a good long while I was good and getting better. establishing a reputation for excellence. might have even been promoted in 2 more years, hahahahaha, for a company that never promotes from within!

(i of course dont want to work for a company that doesnt promote from within hahahaha)

because hiring outsiders for upper level jobs is a YUGGGGEEEEE red flag of a shitty horrible company. run dont walk.

applied for great job at Dream Employer University, but its 36k. when my skills are only worth 26k hahahaha. isnt it a waste of 25 minutes to apply for this?

i found another one that pays 15 an hour. much better. but still out of my league hahaha.

in fact the jobs that pay 13 an hour, aka 26k a year…..dont usually even list their pay. they just say nothing.

so i guess the lesson is, always apply for the jobs that dont list a number, because that number is probably low enough to be closer to your actual worth.

but still. why not just list the god damn pay for ALL jobs, from 10 dollar an hour to 40 dollars an hour jobs, so people that think the pay is too low, wont even apply.

unless they are trying to overreach and get people who would normally be “too good” to apply????

well that’s not what I do, i apply for 12 and 11 dollar an hour jobs if they seem chill/easy or I like the company.

anyway the 15 an hour job would be GREAT. like 5 miles away, full time office job, for satellite campus of bigass university that probably takes average care of its employees with 401k, health care, and at least 13 an hour wage hahahaha. 9 to 5 hours, weekends off, the works. real solid family man stuff. no joke.

 

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 25

ok when i get muh 15 emails every morning with job stuff, i should SET THE TIMER and go through those in 30 minute chunks and then basically log and keep track of that time. because it does take valuable time is money. and i should measure that timemoney for muh job search metrics hahahaha. spreadsheetz.

so, start the timer, go in 30 maybe 40 minute increments, and keep track of that time! dont just look at the list of emails and groan and go through them without keeping track of your VALUABLE 14 DOLLAR AN HOUR TIME! USE THE CASH CLOCK!!!!!

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/cash-clock/

SET IT TO 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

14 WORDS, 14 DOLLARS AN HOUR!!!!!

heh. note to self and others: if you think you can make “bulletproof coffee” with cold or cool coffee, think again hahahaha. i thought i could somehow “whip” muh spreadable butter into the coffee if i stirred it vigorously enough. now there are just many disgusting little blobs of butter in the coffee hahahaha.

maybe a blender would work better?

dsw shoe place sucked, my next place is jcpenney. jcp does not have Crocs tho hahahaha. they do have nike and adidas and new balance running shoes tho.

ok the cool coffee with blobs of butter was so gross that i had to microwave it hehehehe.

i used to go to kohls as muh main one stop department store but i might become a jcpenneys man hahahaha. i have been dissatisfied with kohls for a few years. plus mr kohl himself is a LITERAL JOO. plus their sonoma store brand, the pants never fit well, even though just looking at them they look good.

what about MACYS. what about BURLINGTON hahahaha. i dont really luv shopping but i dont really luv looking like a neet virgin either!

but since i am always losing or gaining weight, all my clothes are either too big or too small.

yeah that gris 2007 album IEUF is more up my alley than their 2013 album. production wise at least. it is more black metal. im not crapping on the 2012 album, i just want soething more black metally right now.

singer sounds really good still, guitars are more black metally, drums sound good. 2013 album, no real problem with, but I am SUCH an AUTISTE about production that if the production isnt PERFECT, I cant even listen to it. so the 2007 album is more perfect sounding to my autist ears than the 2013 album. which isnt bad and could certainly be a grower. i cant crap on gris, they have an obviously great style.

yesterday i thought that infamous blackgaze phaggot NEIGE sort of looks like That Woman. ok i just watched a video of him and….not really. he does have really nice long hair like she did though hahaha. and a big nose like she does. he sorta looks like nick cage tho. did SHE look like nick cage? that might be enough to turn me off of her hahahaha. Nick cage is weirdly handsome but i dont want a woman who looks like nick cage.  or neige.

i remember listening to “ecailles de lune” when it first came out (2010???) and i was like wow this is pretty neat, very atmospheric. back then “blackgaze” was not even a word. and i was impressed with neiges screaming voice. it was a decent straight up “depressive shrieking” which is a lot like what gris does.

now neige was never really “depressive.” at all. but its probably not a stretch to say maybe some of his stuff was more “melancholy.”

heh being with that woman brought me to that magical nostalgic peaceful fantasy world alcest is always going on about.

if im reading this correctly, its that neige never even listened to shoegaze until people kept telling him his music sounded pretty shoegazey, then he discovered slowdive and went all in with his shelter album. so, in other words, like one reviewer says, neige invented blackgaze “by accident.”

i noticed that when i heated up the disgusting butter blob coffee in the microwave, the butter melted and STAYED MELTED even as the mixture cooled off to around room temperature. i thought it might turn back to blobs. nope.

ok now what if you melted the butter in the microwave, then poured it into cool coffee? room temp coffee?  my goal is to have it NOT turn into blobs!

ok made the phone call to the auto service before the end of the day like i was wanting to. i still hate making phone calls! there is a recall due to air bags. i can get it repaired fo free but have been putting it off. normies have to take an unpaid day off work and risk getting FIRED whenever they need to get their car fixed hehehe. i can do this anytime, because i am a jobless neet, but i was afraid to make the call. well today i called them finally. it was either that or go to jcpenney.

looks like my nemesis KOHLS has crocs. why am i so fascinated by crocs. they are ridiculous. are you supposed to wear socks with them? because i would use them as sandals and NOT wear socks with them.

ok there is a crocs STORE near my house, in the newer mall that i refuse to go to because all the kewl young gurls go there. hehehe. all the more reason to go there. follow 18 year old hawtties around like a 35 year old creeper hahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

be like wanna come back to my huge molester van and smoke MJ and listen to GRIS hahhahahaha. maybe gris AND trist. is that supposed to rhyme.

no i dont have a huge molester van!

also i dont have any MJ. and i damn sure wouldnt have the balls to ask 18 year old gurls to come to muh van and smoke MJ with me hahahahahahaha.

women: dont be such disgusting, degenerate nihilists! or is it nihilistic degenerates.

like stories of the bride to be on a bachelorette party getting drunk and they run into a bachelor party and then the bride to be fooks some badboi right before she is supposed to be getting married. and the expectation is that the husband fooks skanks on his bachelor party.

YOU DONT OWN ME! i can do what i want with my body! dont be so possessive and controlling and clingy! of course i can fook other people when i am getting married the next day! marriage doesnt mean monogamy! monogamy is misogyny! monogamy is HATE!

heh whenever you meet a married couple, ask them if they have an open marriage.  the proper reaction is to react with lip curling disgust. NO, we’re not DEGENERATE. then you say, good, i was testing you to see if you are degenerate. you passed. good for you. i dont associate with open marriage degenerates. we live in such a degenerate, nihilistic era, that some people think that cheating on your husband or wife is just fine. just making sure you’re not like that.  just making sure youre not such a shitty goddamn cheater that both of you have rationalized that cheating is ok. fook that shit.

when i was out in the world working muh horrible job, i was amazed at how many normal people were DISGUSTING CHEATERS. people who seemed normal and nice were cheating on their husbands and wives. and it seemed MORE prevalent with the OLDER people, like by the time you get to 30, cheating is just a normal thing you do as your first marriage falls apart. super black pill. aso. brack pirru.

german tech company has not responded to my email saying yes you can call me to do the phone screening at these times. they contacted me first! then i responded back promptly. and now nothing.

aug 26

had semi weird dream that provided interesting food for thought. sheeeeeeeit at least 8-9 years ago my male friend had a gf and they were quite serious, have been in a traditional monogamous nondegen ltr for liek 4 years at least. i hung out with muh friend a lot, she hung out with him a lot, so i saw a lot of her, which can often be a problem in male male franships, except that i got along with her really well, and i was not really the third wheel. we would all have fun smokin MJ and watching movies and eating food and having dranks or whatever.

anyway my friend and the woman broke up. i was still very friendly with her and even hung out with her a little bit, which i was well away at the time was potentially controversial. yes it would be, i thought, if i had any designs on her! but she’s just a nice person, we get along well, and i dont have any other female friends. its not like im trying to GET with her. that would be just weird. and also potentially traitorous to my friend. i dont want to do that.

“on the job training provided for the RIGHT candidate” ???!?!?!?!?!!

OH THANK YOU SO MUCH.

not even taking into account that “on the job training” is ABSOLUTELY JOOISH BULLSHIT, but now its just being dangled as the reward for GOOD performers only. otherwise you get punished by being fired, or no OJT at all.

and of course the main reason OJT is BULLSHIT is because ITS NOT TRAINING AT ALL.

its you look like an untrained idiot in front of customers, then bother another busy person to show you how to do your job, and their customers and your customers wait impatiently and get bitchy, and you look bad, and your coworker resents you, and the company looks bad. lose lose lose lose lose situation.

anyway. re the 2008 or so woman. yeah she pretty much was a female friend. i got along with her well, she was very nice to me, and she was qt. sound familiar?

one day something Snapped, and i was like WOW she is a TOTAL qt, i would really like to bang her. but thats weird because that is one of muh best friends ex gfs. i respect him enough to never do something like that. but damn she is a real qt for sure……

and this was after she had started dating a new guy. probably a little too soon for my liking after the end of her rel with my friend.

sound familiar?

so, after they break up and are single for 2 months, thats when my feelings start to change, and then when they start dating a new guy, my feelings are unequivocally changed. like maybe hmm. so you were looking for a new man but didnt even consider me.

now, with that 2008 woman, i didnt have a deep luving infatuation or crush on her like with w2015. i just wanted to bang her. but i liked her as a friend. and the emotions were conflicting and confusing. also, we hung out much less as she dated the new guy. also the new guy seemed like a decent enough guy, i think they might have gotten married or at least stayed together for years.

so, w2015 was like the next level of that: we were even closer friends, i was more in luv with her, the whole thing went on for longer. also there was never the issue that i might be betraying a friend of mine, because she was never dating a friend of mine. i became friends with her directly.

but yeah in the dream there was that woman from 2008 and i guess i was trying to secs her up, touching her and trying to take her clothes off.

so yeah the main takeaway is that i probably had some kind of feelings for her, and was an indicator that i was capable of getting feelings for a female friend who i thought was just friends. or at the very least I could discover that there was signif Secsual Attraction there that I wasn’t initially aware of. and its weird. because you think ive known this person for months or years and its only NOW I’m “discovering” this physical attraction for them? when men including me can usually tell within seconds whether or not a gurl is attractive?

I think i always knew these women were attractive, but there were other mitigating circumstances where I knew that being actively attracted to them was morally wrong (gf of my friend, and or she has a bf) or inconvenient (shes just a friend, besides i am hung up on other women)

anyway i never had a big blowout with the 2008 woman, i was never deeply in luv with her, we just sorta drifted apart as she got more serious with her new bf. but there was no hard feelings and no hate or bitterness or coldness or butthurt whatsoever, and i remember her fondly and wish the best for her.

and my male friend found another seemingly decent woman and got married to her and they had a baby and i hope they have more. all white of coursh hahahaah. they have been together for like 7 or 8 years and she seems decent, i dont think she’ll ruin the marriage hahahaha. i dont really know her tho.

i was reading a blut aus nord review yesterday and the guy was like memoria vetusta II is a special album, i listened to it after muh GF gave birth to her child.

implying that the child was not his.

implying that this skank got knocked up by some loser who ran off immed after getting her pregnant.

implying that she started dating this black metal loving sap WHILE she was pregnant with the other guys child

DONT DATE ANYONE WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH ANOTHER GUYS CHILD! JUST STAY AWAY FROM MEN!!!!! DONT EVEN DATE EMO OMEGA NICEGUYS!!!!!

then the reviewer was like, i was devastated when she left me and i couldnt listen to this album for a long time.

and i thought, WOW, this guy is super pathetic cringe.

first, falling in luv with a pregnant woman.

second, being dumped by her after she has the baby, and being so upset by it.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I.

the woman should be glad any man can still love her after she had another man’s bastard.

yet she dumps him exactly because he is a sniveling, supplicating, weak, phaggy omega.

don’t be that guy.

i have never fallen in luv with a Single Mother or been dumped by a single mother, and I hope I NEVER do.

i guess i would bang a slutty single mother. but i still have a healthy disrespect for single mothers.

i mean theyll never tell you the truth. its always its all the guys fault. he was a total jerk and deadbeat. and acutally that may be the truth. but then…..why would you have a baby with him? because you are a white ingra who lives on instant gratification and cant think of the future. and i damn sure cant trust you.  you create life WILLY NILLY with men who would be terrible fathers! your judgment is even worse than the average womans! which is pretty goddamn bad as it is!

thats ROCK BOTTOM. when you are desperately in LUV with a single mother. I hope i NEVER get there.

especially a pregnant woman. she picks deadbeats who cant even stay around for 9 months. and why are they even putting themselves on the market when they are PREGNANT? and what kind of pathetic guy sees that and says yep thats acceptable? a rock bottom man even more desperate than I hahahahahahaha.

so he can go beat off with his own foreveralone virgin neet tears with his blut aus nord albums hahahahahaha.

no i have nothing against BaN and I would like to listen to them……if they didnt use a DAMN DRUM MACHINE.

USE REAL DAMN DRUMS. yet for 20 years and 20 albums the guy uses a blatant machine sounding drum machine. yet i can appreciate him as a good guitar player and probably good songwriter. so just play the drums YOURSELF, i will take a sloppy amateurish drum performance over a MACHINE ANY DAY. the most important thing is the drums sound good, and this guy is prob enough of a Studio Nerd to put in effort to get good sound. so just get a good sound and put in a completely amateur burzum drum performance. shit i LIKE the way varg plays drums. its NOT HARD to play in time. just fookin PRACTICE for a few hours. and the practice should be FUN, because DRUMS ARE FUN. inherently. fooking call ME up and i will do the drums even though i am the biggest amateur  and havent touched a drum set in like 8 years.

i am AUTISTIC about drums as you can see hahaha and I HATE drum machines in black metal. any kind of metal or rock. electronic drums are JUST FINE in electronic music. but elsewhere? never.

ok. had butter coffee plus a .25 scoop of protein this morning. as much as i hate to take in calories before 12 noon hahahaha.

heated up coffee in microwave so the butter actually melted hahahaha.

so now i am comparing and contrasting that woman with the woman from 2008. they were similar in that they were both very nice to me, we got along well, and they were willing to hang out with me, hahahaha.  when i first met w2015, i guess she sorta reminded me of w2008. they even looked a little alike. but as of right now, i found w2015 way qter. she had longer legs and longer hair and a bigger bottom and i liked all that very much. jeeeeeez. the less said the better. damn. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

but yeah in the dream i was very hot to bang the woman from 2008. and i think i got her pants off and got a glimpse of The Action, but then the dream faded out. of courshe.

anyway i hope she is married with children by now. she has to be about 30 years old by now. WOW.

and one day That Woman will be 30 too. about 4 years from now hahahaha.

sheeeeeit i wish i were 25 or 26 again and had a full 4 years to go before 30!

anyway. were these women REALLY all that similar? or did the fact that they were qt and nice to me and friends with me and we got along make me THINK they were similar.

well they had sort of similar faces. both had pale white skin. they both partook MJ and because of that seemed chill and Cool. the previous woman had a lame tattoo but it wasnt a dealbreaker.

but you develop a fondness and sense of closeness when you see a woman regularly for over a year and get along well.

oh yeah at the tech interview they (the actual tech supervisor) asked me if i understood the OSI model. I grimaced and said yeah I’d studied it in a networking class about 5 years ago but I honestly don’t remember a lot of specific. I know there are 6 to 8 layers, including the application layer and the network layer, but…..I’m sorry sir, I would have to refresh my memory on it, but I assure you I would do that very quickly. hahahahaha.

http://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/OSI_Layers.asp

heh. yeah we covered it in muh networking class which kinda sucked. the teacher was a nice guy but he wasnt a great teacher. its HARD to be a great teacher with a topic like this. but you kinda need it because the shit is kinda obtuse. it does NOT come naturally.  it does NOT make much sense.

rejection email for 20 hour a week, 11 dollar an hour part time job at local college where i was kinda hoping to get the job and they seemed to like me. DAYUM. interview was 11 days ago.

it was a doable job, nothing glorious, but nothing that would make me ragequit, i could go there for 20 hours a week and at least HOLD DOWN SOME SORT OF JOB while looking for another job.

meanwhile that bitch works FT making 16 dollars an hour and doesnt ragequit and has already made 30k more than i have in the past year hahahahaha.

hehehehe i hate competing with women in career IN ADDITION TO essentially competing for their physical and emotional favor. now you have to make more money than them and have better career status than them too.

and it does make you feel like much less of a man when a woman whos much younger than you is doing a LOT better than you with career and making money. no WONDER she rejected you, ya damn neet loser! you cant work and make money like a real man!

sheeeeeeit that guy who i was playing phone tag with called me BACK! and i missed the call! i called him right back and got VM. sheeeeeit. so now i will call him back every 10 or 20 minutes until 5 pm hahahaha.

it is 325 right now.

i didnt expect him to call me back! after i called him back, left a voice mail, then called him again the next day. i just figured he’d call one of the other 500 applicants.

this fookin guy i used to work with fookin looked at my linkedin profile and stole some of my blurbs for HIS shit with the company!!!!!! white guy but fat as fook. he was obnoxious because of his fatness alone. he was REALLY fat. typical computer gamer who does nothign but sit at the gaming machine and eat fast food and drink soda. he had a GF but guess what, she was a fat pig too hahahahahahaha. she might have been cute if she lost at least 100 pounds too! she was young and didnt have a fat ugly face.

i only talked to him once and he was not as obnoxious as i thought he’d be hahahahaha. so i figure he’s just a decent white guy struggling, so i will let him copy and paste my paragraph hahahaha. not sure if he found a new job yet. he strikes me as not too much of a go getter. probably milked his unemployment as much as possible hahahaha. he went to a high school in a real white trash area of town, so its good he’s not a drug addicted, pill popping, tattooed eminem wannabe hahahahaha.

come to think of it, there were quite a few people from that white trash high school at this job. before working there, i had never really met anyone who went to that school.

my female former friend could have gone to a REALLY white trash high school but she somehow got school of choiced into a better high school? I think? I would have liked a chance to talk to her more about that. get to know her better hahahahaha. i hate fookin WOMEN hahahhhaha.

FINALLY. got ahold of the guy, got interview set up for tuesday 4 days from now. NOICE. number 18. unsuccessful interview number 18. got to get to 25 or so hahahaha.

entry level test technician for testing inspection and certification. testing parts. really hands on he says. did not ask about wage sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

hey dont get the hopes up hahahaha. this is ONLY the 18th interview. i got to get to at LEAST 25, 30, 40, or 50 remember hahahaha. im not lean and mean enough yet. havent paid muh dues yet.

but yeah i get SOME confidence boost from getting a new interview. and then can also get a conf boost if the interview goes ok. if the interview does NOT go ok, then i feel bad for a few days hahahaha.

of course, even if the interview goes ok and i feel good, i still know i wont get the job hahahaha.

also the place is really close too. and full time. probably at least 12 an hour hahaha.

its only 7 miles away. dayum. believe me that is huge.

today i kinda felt like going on okcupid and seeing what kinda bangable 25 year old sluts there are out there. i mean i dont want to go to a meth addicted hooker, so might as well go to a oxy addicted nihilistic skank who beleives their nihilism and hedonism is something like “i am a very LOVING person, i LOVE everybody.”

TO LOVE ALL EQUALLY IS TO LOVE NONE WELL

-t. i cant remember who, some vaguely alt right person of courshe hahaha.

ok gonna give this one a try now. i heard their first album years ago and remembered it was pretty good “atmoblack”, not all pvssy and blackgaze, yeah theyre hardcore pagans but they didnt seem like communists. also i found the fact that they were english to be interesting. maybe an anglo saxon sort of paganry hahahaha.

WOW the hr gurl who is 10 years younger than me, confirmed the phone interview finally, for monday. sheeeeit i thought she forgot about me too. well i have never had a phone interview to bomb hahahaha. i am not confident they will call me in for an in person interview.

and then i have an in person interview on tuesday.

i am not counting the phone interview as a real interview, ie, towards muh number.

so the one on tuesday (plane/car parts testing lab) is The 18th Interview. well 18 is an auspicious number in golf. maybe the 18th will be my lucky one hehehehe.

and today a guy i went to community college with 5 years ago sent me a request on linkedin. we were in an economics study group together for the one bitchy econ prof. i wonder how many econ instructors they have today. come on. like they couldnt just get some dime a dozen mba to adjunct instruct econ 101 and 102 for 15 bucks an hour hahahahaha.

oh sorry i guess they make more like 30 bucks an hour. well. hmmm. thats not bad then.

wodensthrone album was ok, good, listenable i guess hahaha. i listened to the first song, some of the second song. all long songs hahaha. and mainly listend to the fatherland.

 

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

aug 23

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. had a dream with small part from this tall qt young girl we used to work with. when she first came on, i was like, this girl is like a better version of that woman. prettier, younger, i should focus on her, to try to forget about that woman. who knows if she were nicer, but that woman had stopped being nice to me anyway. she seemed a LITTLE bitchy and obnoxious.

anyway the point is, ANY woman can be nice to you if they WANT, AND if a qt young woman is being NICE to you, you will forget about the other woman who was nice to you once and you cant seem to get over. its not hard or rare to be nice. they just have to be WILLING to be nice. which for me is pretty rare hahahaha.

anyway i think in the dream i was trying to muster up the courage to sit next to the qt gurl and start talking to her confidently. see if she was willing to be nice to me or a huge bitch hahahaha. ultimately i never did. well at least THAT WOMAN wasnt in the dream. and it made the point that I COULD get over her and move on from her and feel something for another woman some day, the main things is that they are young and pretty, and that they are being NICE to me. shit even a slut mudshark could get me to like her that way. an attractive woman being NICE to you goes a LONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG way. you wouldnt even believe it. but believe me. it is a VERY powerful thing that will quickly melt your heart of ice.

and yeah it does help a lot when you find the woman attractive. vs, i dunno, do i want to settle for this possibly-unacceptable level of attractiveness, she’s not very attractive at all.

yeah i really wanted to KNOCK IT OUT OF THE PARK on the tech job interview yesterday, but I did not. I mean i didnt do super horrible, i did about average considering, but i wish they had an hour instead of 45 minutes. cuz i was rushing through every answer, couldnt quite think straight, def lost some confidence and it showed.

well they were only interviewing 3 people not 10 people, so i have a better chance, right?

is the county that busy they have to rush interviews as quickly as possible? i dont think so. my prev employer was that busy. because we were SLAMMED all day every day and kept things LEAN. now the university i really want to get into, they had hourlong plus interviews. somewhat relaxed, or least the idea they could take as long as they wanted to interview someone, and let them talk.

i dunno, just so much that doesnt make sense, doesnt add up, and you will never make sense or get your closure, and you have to accept that some things will never make sense. just let it go.

yeah but when its your JOB to make SENSE of shit….. well do you REALLY need ot make actual sense of it, or can you just BULLSHIT something to your customer or to your Team Leader. mm hmmm.

so yeah i did not knock it out of the park. also i was just caught off guard by that weird aborted interview earlier in the day.

i mean how would a normie handle that? heh normies dont even get into these situations because they are HAVES who HAVE jobs, HAVE been gainfully employed for years, HAVE a wife who gives them some effort and loyalty. hehehehe. she might bitch and nag but she hasnt LEFT them yet.

you might hate it when she bitches and NAGS and is not nice to you…..but how would you react if she just LEFT you without a word and you never heard from her again?

be happy when she nags you because it means shes not willing to LEAVE you….yet hahahahahahahaha. oh this is horrible woman worshipping white knighting. better man up guys! be THANKFUL your wife is JUST a nag!

no the woman SHOULD be MATURE about it and realize nagging never works, its passive aggressive immature bullshit…..but there you have the unrealistic expectation that a woman should be an adult, specifically should handle conflict in a rel like an adult. this is like asking uncle adi to luv the joos hahahaha. like asking ME to luv joos hahahaha. not gonna happen. i hope it never happens hahahaha.  like asking a crusader to luv the muslim swine trying to invade his europe and rape his european women.  of course thats exactly whats happening now. but these weak pathetic feminized men are not CRUSADERS in any sense! they are literal CUCKS!

unlike a REAL cuck, i never liked being cucked, or even the suggestion of. it always made me fly into a Righteous Rage, and this is the proper response, so I’m glad I still have that.

this god damn office assistant job for the trucking company KEEPS getting posted every few weeks, open for a few days, get 400 more applications, it goes away for a few weeks, comes back and get 400 more applications…..its frustrating because i want to know what the fok they are DOING here.

maybe all the thousands of people applying are desperate and they are holding out for the Perfect Candidate. well they dont want a harvard grad, they want someone super young who is currently going to harvard. not gonna happen. so they want say maybe a second year undergrad at [local univ] who is doing a useful degree, getting 4.0, is 19 or 20 years old, has VERY good people skills, is VERY attractive, but prob want a smart man who will actually get stuff done, was an eagle scout, probably the type of go getters who go to naval academy or west point, ok how about they are big at ROTC at local university then, cuz again, if they are west point, they cant work here.

so that would be their perfect candidate then: a 20 year old halfwhite attractive tall male, eagle scout, honors student at local university, ROTC, business and or engineering, very charismatic and confident and mature.

i have sent in 2 or 3 applications to this company for this job or jobs very much like it.

maybe they have a database so they can see how many times a person applied. and if you get to like 10 or 20, then you get an interview. assuming you are not the perfect candidate described above. they havent found him yet, otherwise they would fill the position and stop posting.

or maybe they fill it, and the job is so stupid, the person quits. or is fired. and they have to hire someone again. but why not just go back to the pool of 1000 applicants? because its worth it to spend the time accepting 1000 NEW applicants so you can Cultivate the strongest pool ever? why do they NEED MOAR APPLICANTS when they aleady have like 2000????!?!?!?!?!!??!?!

it will never make sense, dont try to make sense out of it, dont get angry hahahahaha.

go for powerwalk in peak sun today, call chemical testing guy when i get back. maybe my Market Value is good enough for one call, but certainly not Phone Tag.

i mean why not just email me? I’ve had interviews set up via email, no one ever talked to me for even 1 minute.

my resume has had my correct email on it for like 10 years hahahaha. he has my email.

maybe when i send in my shit for the third time for this trucking company, which i think is a subsidiary of a very shady local trucking company that has a reputation for horrible service and very unhappy customers and is probably just a front for money laundering hahahahaha. anyway i will do something disruptive with muh cover letter and really make it jump out at them and show what a value add i am, than my usual form cover letter that its obvious i am using to apply to 500 jobs. but seriously, i modify each cover letter with statements referring to the company’s mission and vision hahaha. i really do. i look up the mission and vision statement and use some marketingspeak taken from the company’s own website. i am PASSIONATE about serving the LTL Logistics needs of your clients and being on the leading edge etc.

i would say most normies go through 5 to 10 interviews before getting a decent job. they don’t know the pain of doing 20 to 30 interviews hehehehe. a more protracted, prolonged struggle. twice the rejection, twice the time.

heh imagine if i actually approached women the way i do job searching. at least with jobs i actually submit the shit and go on interviews. with women i dont even Women Search on OK cupid or whatever, go out on dates, and get rejected. i might actually have some success if i did!

called the guy from testing company again, voice mail again. i left voice message yesterday, giving him muh email address and Mobile phone number. i am not gonna leave him a second voice mail!

but yeah that stupid fake interview at the hospital, i guess that ended up really grinding my gears and discouraging me. like how could you be MORE insulting that continually rejecting me. oh. how about finally inviting me to an interview, and then essentially aborting the interview during the first question and saying i shouldnt apply to just anything because im desperate. god damn. what did they tell the black 19 year old gurl that talked like an unprivileged savage hahahaha.  well they probably said she was just perfect for this job.

i guess in order to make 11 dollars an hour i HAVE to go to walmart or mcd’s. because the places that have Boring, Stressless 11 dollar an hour part time jobs want a very specific kind of person.

so i think about that woman a lot, not as much as i used to thank god, but i know i SHOULDNT. but i cant help myself. i think about how shes doing, what shes doing with her life, not just because i was in luv with her, but because she was an actual part of my life. this comes from being friends for 3 years. then the person is GONE, and you cant help but miss them and think of them sometimes. i wonder what so and so is doing.

i am sure she has HAD to have had a few thoughts like that about me. and then what does she tell herself about that? probably something like Oh. Sigh. That was just pathetic. i guess i hope he’s doing well but he was at such a pathetic place in his life. hes got to really work on his career and not get so heartbroken over women. i mean shit hes 35 years old, he has to get a plan for his life to accomplish something. so sad. he was a nice guy but SO SAD.

well at least ive gotten over the idea that she hates me and thinks i betrayed her!!!!!

now she just goes AW. HOW SAD. SMH. nice guy, but SO SAD. So Pathetic. I hope for his sake he moves on. Ive moved on. Im doing well. he was a mess. i hope he gets the help he needs. I couldnt deal with that. he was a good friend but could you IMAGINE me and him DATING!! PSHAW! How could he GET such a ridiculous idea! what a sad, pathetic loser. sometimes you need to Let Go of those sorts of Negative People in your life.

WHAT A WAY TO BE REMEMBERED! WAY TO BE THAT GUY hahahaha.

i mean shit. if anyone deserves to be emotionally compromised its me. dont get SO emotional about someone LIKING you. just be like welp i dont return his feelings but its not the end of the world. people get feelings for each other. just like i had feelings for those other guys. it happens. its not so ridiculous or out of bounds. we were good friends and then i guess something in him changed. its pretty understandable and unsurprising.

i dunno maybe that IS what she ultimately thought. I’LL NEVER KNOW.

i might be sad and pathetic, but i dont want to be REMEMBERED LIKE THAT by people i used to be friends with. who got to know The Real Me and saw that I wasnt totally Sad and Pathetic, but a Good Person.

i had this female friend when i was younger and i never fell in luv with her, and she was always very nice to me, and she had genuine concern and whatnot for me, wanted me to find a nice woman who didnt leave me in the lurch. but i kept picking the wrong women, getting involved with the wrong women. i guess my picker is broken.

its only 50% broken at most though! soon after i picked another woman and my female friend said yeah she’s great, it would be SO CUTEEEEEEEE if you two got together, and i was like yeah see my pickers not broken, i can find a good solid woman whos not a crazy child, yes she would be great for me wouldnt she? and i indeed liked the woman and she was nice to me too, but we never got much of a chance to hang out because we never lived less than 70 miles away, then the woman moved like 500 miles away hahahaha.  if we ever lived in the same town, i would have DEFINITELY gone all in with her.

so yeah my picker is not totally fooked. indeed i still think i picked a good woman with that woman. i just had no idea she would disappoint me THIS bad.

anyway that previous female friend, she expressed concern that i was becoming a hateful neo nazi white supremist. So I Walked It Back and said naaaaahhhhh dont worry, this is just a phase, i dont hate anybody, dont worry about it, you know i investigate all this edgy transgressive shit, dont worry.  and then i went on becoming an even more avowed racist and nazi and huhwhyte supreemist hahaha, but essentially just didnt tell her about it hahahahaha. i figured it wasn’t worth losing friends over, and she was/is a great person, and i didn’t want to push her away for something she would never understand.

anyway i hope she is doing well. she was doing some kind of masters degree at a decent skool in a big important city. she will be just fine. i mean yeah i wish she’d get married already cuz she’s not getting any younger. but I remember when she was under 21! I could never date her because she has a pozzed jooish view of dating hahahaha. but we got along as friends very well believe it or not. at the time she was in a monogamous, fairly healthy relship with a man who eventually became a fairly good friend, a great guy, i got along with him really well and had quite the mancrush on him. i would be very happy if she had gotten married to him. he was a really cool guy. he was hilarious, ridiculously smart, great taste in music, really good guitar player and singer. i wish he hadnt done his phd in total marxism! he was not a phaggy feminine whiny shitlib at all. just a very kewl guy. i wish him nothing but the best. i hope he finds a nice white wife and has many brilliant white children. when you say phd at known leftist univ in jooish theory, you think of the worst type of person. but he was honestly the best type of person, and too GOOD to do what he’s doing. but at the time i was very impressed by the Intellectual Masturbation over foucault and deleuze and i dont fooking know. zizek and adorno and marcuse and pure frankfurt skool jooish trash. i knew nothing of the frankfurt skool at the time. i just liked hanging out with Real Intellectual Philosophers! but the people I knew were honestly good, great, moral people. in hindsight its disappointing they studied the degen shit they did. but they probably didnt realize it any better than i did.

applied for 6 jobs today but after like 6 days of no job apps, my numbers are DISMAL AND ABYSMAL.

anyway i will just try to forget i met with that woman on monday and had that weird, annoying abortion of an interview. just keep applying for jobs there. in fact i applied for one there today hahahaha.

my suit looks good now, but the white dress shirt is honestly a little bit BIG. maybe i am getting rejected now because the dress shirt is a little big. suits fine now, but now the shirt is fooked up hahahaha.

or maybe they can tell muh black dress shoes are 30 dollar pieces of plastic shit hahahahaha. and i am not wearing 500 dollar italian leather shoes.

maybe my plain black hanes socks are too boring hahahaha.

they are looking at my shoes and socks hahaha.

maybe i had a stray nose hair. maybe i need a haircut. i mean i am getting close to needing one. it has been 46 days. its all on muh days since spreadsheet hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

372 days since i sent the last email to that woman!

yes i definitely AM making progress, i dont think about her NEARLY as much, well i still think about her every day, but the thoughts seem a lot more distant, faded, not as vivid. one day i will be all emotioned out regarding her. and if i met a nice young qt gurl right now who was being nice and friendly to me, that would definitely help me forget all about that woman.

“make women good again” is just an old title i had laying around. basically meaning women were ONCE good, and with proper masculine leadership, we can raise a new generation of good women. but you leave women to their own devices, and they turn not good. they need the guidance and influence of strong, good men to stay on the good path. otherwise its pandoras box is opened. road to ruin. men don’t decompose or dissolve or entropy or DEGENERATE as naturally as women do. they dont need as much constraint. its JUST THE WAY IT IS. ITS NATURE. Nature NEEDS weak childlike stupid immature women so they can get pregnant as quickly and as much as possible. period. accept it. you dont have to like it. but accept it or become a foreveralone loveless virgin.

why not make women GREAT again? because i dont even need great. i just want GOOD. GOOD is GOOD ENOUGH for me. just good moral adults. lets get to GOOD first before we even THINK about “great.”

aug 24

yeah it is kinda infuriating to see the same jobs, same company, same location, being posted over and over again. you think, yeah i remember this job because it seemed like a decent entry level job that i could actually see myself doing, so it jumped out at me and i marked it APPLYYYYYYYY and i applied for it asap. now, 3, 4 weeks later, its back. i apply again if i can. sometimes it says ive already applied for the job. i actually prefer this because it means they arent getting duplicate people. but its like how many fookin applications do you need to get for this fookin job….unless you dont really plan on hiring anybody in the near future. then posting shit like this is like a perfect waifu teasing you and leading you on. i just wanted muh 12 dollar an hour full time data entry job, 8 to 5, close to home, no weekends!

heh. i kinda want that woman to experience some of this frustration and failure and rejection. not be making decent money. yeah but its a shitty phone calls cust serv job. yeah but shes probably a level 2 by now and doesnt need to answer phones. she can just give shitty advice to the people who do have to answer phones. “idk figure it out but dont escalate it.” “idk do the same thing youve been doing over and over again and maybe it will work this time” no matter if its been an hour on the call.

besides some of the level 2s still had to make calls and fix the super confusing stuff and then talk to the people about it.

i mean she doesnt have the brains to fix super confusing shit! shes not THAT smart! why should SHE be making 16 dollars an hour hahaha. she only has an ASSOCIATES degree in a field just as useless as mine! and from a 600000000 times less prestigious skool! and yet she is 14888888 years younger than me and doing 90000000 times better than me! even though shes a cowardly immature idiot race traitor white trash MJ addict!!!!!!

the voice of butthurt hahahaha. virgin wizard neet butthurt. well you would prob be butthurt too, is my point.

well at least i seem to be losing weight again. i dont really NEED to though! i have to cut the calories down to an unhealthy 1100 a day hahahaha. its ridiculous because i LUV food and i LUV to eat.

but yeah. sheeeeeeit. monday should have been a good day with the two interviews but it really kinda sucked and both interviews sucked. my vril was compromised by the first weird interview, then i performed shitty in the second interview, where i really really wanted to dig deep and do super well, and i did not. i mean i didnt do super bad….but just doing average or ok is really MEDIOCRE and I wanted to be SUPER GOOD. not just average, because average is not gonna get that fairly awesome job. for that job, i would totally answer the phones 50% of the shift. maybe even 60%.

heh i really SHOULD start LIFTING. they say it really IS good for testosterone, confidence, and i need those things like i need the air i breathe. because i am at a deficit. i dont have Confidence Privilege. its not part of my Head Start that confident normies get hahahahaha.

heh. really my severe lack of confidence pretty much cancels out all the white privilege i have hahahaha. white, male, good family, all the opportunities in the world. my confidence and i guess energy level and will are just THAT weak.

sheeeeeeit. if that first interview would have gone better, then the second interview might have gone better. and the second interview was the one that REALLY MATTERED. this is why i dont like 2 interviews in 1 day hahahaha. i mean at least i can say i DID it, like a real bigboy, youre not a human being if you havent done 2 interviews in 1 day, but still. i fooked up the important one and i am not happy about that.

it wasnt even a specific mistake. it was just seeming nervous and on edge and coming from a position of WEAKNESS and DESPERATION. also i struggled to think of the most in depth case of PC troubleshooting I had done. i guess i could try to meditate on that.

well at least i have been good about not looking up that woman on linkedin. well she would SEE that I visited her profile. unless she has it on limited privacy. in which case i wouldnt see her name if she visited MY profile. not gonna lie, i kinda want her to visit my profile, because it would prove ot me that she is thinking about me. as i am thinking about her every damn day and cant stop.

yeah i think about her FREQUENTLY, but the INTENSITY is definitely lower. the vividness, the power. that is honestly a signif improvement.

so yeah its kinda creepy to think about her every day…..but ive thought about her every day since it happened and at least the thoughts are less awful, less intense, less vivid, less important, less severe. tbh that is great and i am thankful for the progress. but it will still be a while before i can go a whole day without thinking of her at all! at least another year!

went to dsw shoe store, they had some good stuff on the website, but at the actual store, it sucked balls. everything was too expensive and they didnt have the things i liked on the website. i left without wasting any money hehehehe. thankfully the sales people were not aggressive and sleazy. a combination of young kids and downsized middle aged white men with masters degrees from second tier schools and 20 years of experience at second tier companies hahaha.

no the employees were fine, the store was clean and everything, they just did not match up with the website very well. i was considering getting a pair of Plain Black Crocs but they had very few Crocs, and they were brown. come on.

well time to get back on the horse. but i am thinking its gonna be more like 25 interviews rather than 20 interview before i finally get a job hahaha. at 30 i officially start getting Discouraged hahaha.

thats what i should have said to the hospital people. no, i’m not desperate, i’m DISCOURAGED. theres a difference. Actually there isnt hahahahahaha. well yes there is: discouraged dont even apply to jobs or go on interviews. so yes i AM desperate. i am just trying not to use that word.

heh. i should have never left muh job in late 2013. but me and THAT WOMAN were talking alot about jobs and she could get us in at this ridic job. i said, welp, ive been here too long and i need to force myself to do something new, and this just fell into my lap, kinda a sign from GOD, might as well listen to GOD. and then i went with her to the new job and the new job sucked and my relship with her went down in flames and the job went down in flames and now i have been a big neet loser for over a year hahahaha and cant get another job.

if i had just stayed in my comfort zone, none of this horrible shit would have happened hahahahaha.

before everything went wrong with her though, i thought well this is good. she is helping me GROW and DEVELOP and get OUT of my comfort zone and actually DO something with my life. and it turned out to be a huge shit sandwich hahaha. i wish i hadnt done it. i could still be makin 11 grand a year at the old place hahahaha.

yet if the county job called me back and said you got the job, that would change my whole life. 180. i would go from neet loser to gainfully employed winner. i would go from being too shitty for a gurl like her, to being way too good for a piece o white trash like her. its stupid our stupid jobs have such power over our lives like that. and how we view ourselves, and how OTHERS view us too.  but thats just the way it is. you can get butthurt about it and be a neet virgin loser the rest of your life, or you can accept it, and work hard to become a white winner.

never buy an epson xp 200 printer, or probably any “reasonably priced” epson printer, becuase they will totally joo you with the ink cartridges.

  1. the cartridges dont print a lot. like maybe 200 pages for 1 black cart which is 13 dollars.
  2. they only print with epson brand, not store brand made to be copatible witn epson.
  3. if you run out of blue OR yellow OR cyan, you cant even print in Black Only. even if you have a full black cart.

fook epson, those joos.

trump is getting a lot of blowback and his approval rating is probably at or near its lowest, and the media is even suggesting that hillary will win by 9 points. times are tuff. dismal.

an official story on fox news tv on the alt right. jared taylor being approached by fox joos. and of course milo phaggopolis. jared taylor is all right but milo is cancer hahaha. anyway i guess this is what they are saying are the leaders of the alt right hahaha. well we all know NATT is the TRVE leader of the alt right hahahaha.  but supposedly shillary is supposed to make a speech soon directly talking about the alt right.

i mean this is basically My Movement. its what i identify as being a part of. i consume something TRS related mostly every day.

i dont mind being lumped in with jared (tho he needs to stop cucking for da joos) but i do not want to be lumped in with that degen subverter milo. into the OVEN he goes.

contacted about phone screen by company HR. turns out woman is 9-10 years younger than me and went to alma maters Main Rival where she is a True Fan. OOSH. these are the type of idiots i am supposed to be the manager of hahaha. now i am trying to kiss the ass of Children who went to the school that our school saw as Goofus to our Gallant! kissing the ass of Idiot Children so I can get a $12 to $16 dollar an hour job hahahahaha. she didnt have to do that because she had a better resume, including internships and study abroad, so she was able to start her career immediately after college like a good successful normie. clearly she didnt have any Emotional Problems hahahahahahahaha.

http://pastebin.com/wTMfXxcF

Make Up Your Mind — Am I Overqualified Or Underqualified? via @forbes http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/23/make-up-your-mind-am-i-overqualified-or-underqualified/#24a6060f62e7

possibly interesting “advice.” make sure you write them a BUSINESS PAIN LETTER!!!!! i forgot about PAIN POINTS!!!!!

what happens if you cant help any businesses pain points hahahahaha.

fookin pain points. kiss mah ass.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2016/08/09/five-red-flags-that-scream-dont-hire-this-person/2/#509dbd4b7a7a

heh yes she IS “AN HR PERSON” hahahaha. by god these women exist. the woman who just emailed me is definitely one. the one that emails me about county job and sits in at my county job interviews is definitely one. perky, bubbly women that like to be smart college grad young professionals. shit the county hr woman is SIX years OLDER than me and she still looks GOOD! she almost looks younger than ME!

they are usually in good shape. they are usually friendly and have high verbal intelligence. but I would not trust any of these women for ONE SECOND in a Relationship.

they seem like big sluts and catladies who could rationalize anything and eventually lose interest in all but the top 1% of alpha men, probably the Upper Managers and Directors they are working to Source Talent To.

they get bachelors degrees specifically in human resources or communications or Talent Acquisition or Organizational Studies.  sometimes even from rather respectable state schools. second tier schools as opposed to third tier toilets like….. McAllen City State University or something. East Kansas City University. not a tenth tier toilet like Phoenix or something, and really, perfectly fine normie schools which I should have gone to because I could have gotten a god damn full ride scholarship. but i thought, noooooo, i can get into the PRESTIGIOUS school. meanwhile MANY people who went to that “shitty” local university were i could have gotten a full ride, are MUCH MUCH MUCCHHHHHHH more successful than me. at a much younger age hahahaha.

lotta regrets. shoulda done a lot differently. cant believe i wasted at least 33% of my life so far hahahaha.

ok i think i may end up liking the other gris album a bit better, at least early on, than their 2013 album . that bass sound is just too much to handle right now. i need more prominent guitar. and thankfully their singer sounds about as good on this 2007 album too. want something a little more blatantly balck metaly.

and DONT FORGET their 2006 or 5 album “neurasthenie” or something when they were known as niflheim (not to be confused with nifelheim hahahaha)

although 2 hourlong albums in 2 years seems like a lot…..but then they took a 6 year break. i wonder what kind of shitty jobs these guys work hahahaha. do they have degenerate tattoos. do they do drugs or drink. do they cheat on their GFs. are they neet virgins who live with their moms like me hahahahahahahaha.

i was driving yesterday and looked in the rearview and there was a 50 year old white man driving with two dogs in the car and it really looked like he was Smokin a J

good god i folded but if i had stayed in i would have gotten QUADS. 88 hole cards, no 8’s on the flop, and then turn and river were 8 and 8. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

anyway he was smokin a J and i got a good feeling from that. because he looked like a total normie and not a huge degenerate. if it were some black thug smoking a blunt, i would think DEGENERATE. GET OUT OF MUH TOWN. or some white trash covered in tattoos. but when it was a normie middle aged white guy, that was ok.

interesting reaction. so is MJ INHERENTLY degenerate? i mean its definitely risky. very few people can smoke it WITHOUT being degenerate. a lot of whites who do smoke it are degen. so i can really ADVOCATE it. except for myself. and for white winners. which i am not!!!!

also smokin it while driving is prob a bad idea. but so many Stoners do just that. smoke and drive all the damn time. I cant BELIEVE this doesnt cause ANY accidents. stoners that would be horrified at drinking and driving smoke and drive EVERY DAY.

IMHO this is wrong. i think it prob does impair your driving. of course i sm0ked and drove a decent number of times. because i was selfish and nihilistic and thought i was above the law and that i’d never get caught, just like i thought when driving DRUNK. and i drove DRUNK many times and eventually was caught. served me right. i shouldnt have driven SO drunk SO many times. but you know when you s0ke a ton of MJ and your heart is racing and it feels like you are running in a dream, quicksand, how can you possibly drive normally.

i mean yeah its probably BETTER for driving than being RAGING drunk. obviously a lot of that DUI stuff is revenue generation for the city and county. and the fines and sentences for DUI should be laxer like they were in the 70s hahahaha. and they should expunge that from your record at least.

hmmm should i go to this opeth show. last time i was going to see them was they were touring with katatonia for the heritage album. that album sucked but i like katatonia and it seemed a good idea to see both bands in this venue with some friends. we got there and it was SOLD OUT before we could get tickets. that was pretty disappointing. shit that was at least 5 years ago.

i never listened to the album they did after heritage but i hear it was a lot better. now they have this new album “sorceress” which isnt even OUT yet.

akerfeldt said some of the record was inspired by luv gone wrong, problems he had with women, but nothing in particular? i was hoping it was something in particular, like a bad breakup with his WIFE, the mother of his children. i know he got married like 10+ years ago and had some kids, but he could be divorced by now.  maybe he is a huge deadbeat and how the hell can he be a good father while touring all the time. but he doesnt tour all the time.  i dunno. i hope he’s not a deadbeat, for the sake of his children. i am sure he is not alt right or racially woke though.

but he is determined enough to make his music his career, and that is NOT easy. he does VERY well. he can support himself and his family.

but 99% of musicians are degenerates! i just want some reassurance that he is a good father, cuz thats all that matters. matters a lot more than any music hes made in the past 15 years hahahahahahaha.

now i remember when damnation came out in 2002 or 03. that was EXCITING. hahahaha.

or spine chilling moments on old albums like orchid or my arms your hearse. for a while i thought my arms your hearse was the best album ever. it is still a great album.

blackwater park. also a great album. no joke.

never did a PHONE interview before. maybe its a german thing. oh yeah its a german company that does tech stuff for cars. infotainment computers and shit. much better than the asians who do a similar thing.  i will work for whites but not yellows hahahaha. speaking of those yellows never called me back for a second interview! i was starting to warm up to the idea of that job.

it would be great to do shitty on the 15 minute phone interview and then never get invited in for an actual interview.

actually 15 minute phone interview, i can see how that could be very useful. you do get a better sense of the person when you are actually talking to them. well…..maybe. maybe. i mean…..do i do better on the phone or in person? i think for interviews…..well shit. when i was doing my old job, taking phone calls, in those circumstances, i would have rather talked to my callers face to face. then i felt they might be nicer to me. but when they are evaluating you for a job….well you want them to be nice too!

but at the same time, i feel the same information you can get from a 45 minute interview can be gotten from a 15 minute phone call. then you feel less pressure definitely.

where are all the fookin entry level 14 dollar and hour fulltime jobs? why does everything have to be a damn big important 40k or 50k job?

where are the ENTRY LEVEL jobs?

this job was described as kind of an entry level job.

fook. my confidence is just pretty low after that clusterfook of 2 bad interviews on one day.

and now i feel like i have crossed the rubicon, that i have officially been unemployed for SO LONG, that i am like CANCER to any employer. they might be able to overlook a gap of 3 months. maybe 6 months. but not a god damn YEAR.

well george feels’s dad got a job after THREE year gap. but he was a Medical Doctor in ukraine hahahaha. was he really a medical doctor tho? and why isnt george smoking legal MJ???

so i will be sitting there in the interview just thinking about THE GAP. talk about a confidence KILLER.

becomes a vicious circle. people wont hire you because the GAP is too long. then you go on interview after interview after interview. get hopes up, get discouraged. 15 interviews. 20 interviews. 25 interviews. 350 applications. 400 applications. 500 applications. 9 months. 12 months. 14 months. 16 months. see what i mean?

instead of getting hopeful, like yep keep plugging away and be determined and good things will happen, power thru those 25 interviews and you will get there eventually…….. those optimistic thoughts begin to be countered with

THE MOTHER OF ALL NEGATIVE THOUGHTS:

THE LONGER YOU STAY UNEMPLOYED, THE WORSE YOU LOOK TO EMPLOYERS.

The LESS of a chance you have to get a job. sure, persistence is good, but not good ENOUGH to cancel out the effect of TIME, the lengthening GAP, making your value WORSE and WORSE and WORSE.

well i guess the REAL mother of all negative thoughts is, i have to K self right now hahahahaha. thank GOD i dont get that.

For me, its more like

I CANT HANDLE THIS I NEED TO QUIT MUH JOB RIGHT NOW

hahahahahahahahahaha.

thats not as bad as k’ing yourself. but you do flush an ENTIRE FOOKING YEAR of you LIFE down the CRAPPER. gone with NOTHING to show for it.

well thats not true. i have done like 40 hours of work on this job search hahahaha.

CORRECTION: i have done 33 hours of job APPLYING fron july 1 to aug 24. that does NOT count time looking for jobs, which DOES take time which i have not measured, and does not measure the 230 jobs before i started The Spreadsheet. ok, thats 230 jobs times 12.6 minutes per application, div by 60 to get hours, well there’s 48.3 hours of applications, plus 33, sheeeit thts like 81 hours of applying since april. well, march 28 i really started. almost 5 months ago hehehehe. 5 months to get 81 hours? WEAK! should be 40 hours a week every week! 160 hours a month!

well im just buttmad that people in 1975 didnt have to put in 80 hours of jobsearching jsut to find an average job.

also lets count 17 hours for 17 interviews hehehehehe. and about 40 hours for FINDING the jobs. so really i am at 137 hours hehehehe.

REALLY I should time my sessions of FINDING the jobs. JUST FINDING, NOT applying. like do it in 30 minute chunks because it is worse than mind numbing, it is mind and soul destroying hahahahaha.

 

 

MEN NEED PRACTICE, WOMEN DON’T

aug 7

sheeeeeeeit. stupid interview tomorrow. welp is it a call center. do you have time to research problems and call a person back. is your ready and not ready time measured constantly. do you spend more than 50% of the day with inbound phone calls.

i don’t think so (THANK GOD) but then again, they wouldnt usually SAY.

is it a call center basically? yes or no. simple question.

i am sure there would be phone calls. phone calls per SE are not the problem. its the constant stream of phone calls where you have to fix things you dont know how to fix.

WOULD I BE ABLE TO SHADOW A PERSON in this role or a similar one for 30 minutes after our interview? hehehehe

if you think im so damn SMART and ARTICULATE and GOOD COMMUNICATOR, then HIRE ME. Although it IS nice to hear those compliments about me, because I do worry I am not smart or articulate enough to be WORTHY of a 28k entry level job.

had a nice valium nyquil mix last night ahahhahahahah yeah thats horrible. but it was a tiny 5 mg valium and a half dose of nyquil. had nice deep sleep. it was great. had a dream where i was having a birthday party and everyone was being super nice to me. there were no young attractive women there but oh well. who cares about attractive young women haha.  not me. they can all go suck cox in hell hahaha.

did 3.6 mile powerwalk at 1 pm on sunday afternoon, very sunny, i am obsessed that the early afternoon sun gives better vitamin d than the 6 or 7 pm sun.

began printing out my what to say during interview file. it is like 110 pages long of size 12 font, single spaced, .5 inch margins hehehehe.

i didnt want to print smaller than 12 font because it does strain the eyes.

so print out 10 pages at a time hahaha.

the most important book is the one you write hahahaha.

well THIS huge book i’ve written, ie the one that consists of 3 or 4 serious intense blogs and THOUSANDS of pages of bitching and whining, yeah this book has gotten me nowhere hahaha.

but the OTHER book, the 100 page what to say to PWN the interview file, well that one will actually HELP me in my goal of getting a 14 an hour job. I just didnt think I’d have to do like 20 interviews first.

was i butthurt and assmad 6 months ago? absolutely! reading the stuff i wrote in jan/feb i can see how fresh tha pain was, it was still a gushing open wound. and it was just embarrassing and pathetic. now i am def better. still butthurt but not AS bad. a LOT better. its really not complicated. she just didnt want to deal with a difficult situation, so she ran away. period. fight or flight. thats ALL it is. but shit yeah it was painful for me. but there’s nothing to really overanalyze. its really quite SIMPLE!

i like listening to no1 ryan give his military perspective on things like combat life or death situations. he is a really cool nice funny guy and i have a mancrush on him, but he also happens to be a Marine Officer, which is pretty hardcore. 90% of marines are huge douchebag assholes and I am sure he can Hang with them, but he also seems to be a genuinely nice guy. BUT he is also hardcore, tough, masculine, pretty sure he’s K’d people (enemies), and I trust his Leadership Authority. I would let him lead me hahahaha.

but yeah these are all very interesting topics so I am happy to hear him talk about them on the fatherland and on his own show even moreso. (nationalist review.)

what did he say. train like you fight, fight like you train.

meaning you don’t necessarily “rise to the occasion” as much as you sink down to the level you’ve been trained at.

when the shit hits the fan and its life or death, you dont have the TIME or INFORMATION to THINK. you have to act RIGHT AWAY, not really acting but REACTING, so you are not necessarily at the top of your game. if you have shitty training, in other words, you are likely to panic and make the wrong decision. if you have great training, you are more likely to have a kind of muscle memory for that and react in a good way, rather than screw everything up, costing you your life, or the lives of your men.

in other words, high pressure situations compromise your sense of judgment and totally distort your thinking, so you better hope youve had LOTS of PRACTICE, so you can DO that shit without even thinking about it.

yes i am referring to my stupid old job. hahahaha. NO its not a combat life or death situation, but for me, it was the closest thing to it, being a high pressure situation where you had to take action NOW.

my point is we were NEVER prepared. we had very little training. we had to “practice” these things we had never done before, in the middle of the pressure situation. now once we done it a few times, yeah we got better and felt less pressure, but those first couple of times for EVERYTHING, it was like damn i dont know what I’m doing! and you got that feeling several times a day! it never really stopped because there was an infinite, growing amount of shit that could go wrong!

see in the military, dont you have LEADERS who TEACH you how to DO stuff? maybe not, but I would trust NO1 to TEACH his subordinates stuff, rather than wave them away saying “read the book. if it doesnt make sense, keep reading it till it makes sense. i dont have time to show you shit. im your leader.”

i dont see him doing that. i see him taking the OLD SKOOL definition of a leader, where you take the extra RESPONSIBILITY to TEACH and TRAIN.

this was not a responsibility of our leaders. really they had no TIME for it. they had too many other responsibilies. just like we were too busy to do shit like research an issue and call a caller back, THEY were too busy to teach us stuff and show us how to do stuff. it was the company culture hhaahaha. figure shit out RIGHT NOW with no time for training or learning.

basically it boils down to expectations management: do you expect your leaders to train and teach you? in school and military, yes you do. in the working world, no you shouldn’t, you train yourself.

so how do you train yourself when you dont have the knowledge to give to yourself.

you read books, websites, watch other people. but you have to expect a surly attitude if you bother them with questions. and yeah i dont like that.

i guess the best thing to do is to find an expert at your job and watch them immediately before or after your shift. or come in on your day off to watch them. or if there’s a more experienced person who does your job. COME IN ON YOUR DAY OFF to WATCH THEM. THATS what you have to do.

NOBODY EVER TOLD ME!!!!!!

UPDATE TO MUH DESPAIR FORUM PROFILE:

Aug 2016: all my posts usually end up turning into long rambling diatribes, hahaha. but I mean well! Also, I always say “hahahaha” which is simply me saying “lol” or laughing at my horrible jokes, because I like to make horrible jokes to deal with or talk about the horrible pain of despair, and the tragedy it wreaks on our lives. It is like laughing in the face of death, real gallows humor, if I weren’t laughing, I’d be crying. And the sense of humor HAS to be ridiculous because what is happening to us is kind of ridiculous! But I fully believe that making jokes about it is a good way of coping and dealing.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeEsmenBcPniAgs-jkezTyA
Are we allowed to post links? I have been watching this guy Forever Alone Feels aka George Feels. He is a 31 year old virgin who talks about being Foreveralone and his efforts to improve himself. I believe he has some kind of depression as well, but I don’t think he’s really “treating” it. Anyway I think alot of us here, the lonely men at least, could identify with him. I know I can!

They say you need to love yourself before you can be in a relationship with someone else, but I’m not so sure about that. I mean where do we set the bar? What is the bare minimum at which we are finally ready to have a rel? I’ve been trying to get there all my life and haven’t quite done it. Whenever I loved a person, I loved them with full acceptance of their flaws, imperfections, shortcomings. Now I have low self esteem and low confidence and plenty of guilt and shame, but thank goodness I do not really HATE myself per se. Yeah I guess if you completely LOATHE yourself that might make a relationship very difficult, but I don’t like the idea that if you are not completely over your depression, AND if you aren’t some huge confident winner, then you’re not worthy of a relationship, or you will inevitably sabotage every relationship you’re lucky enough to get.

I think it’s good to take some time to regroup and get over someone if you have had a breakup…..but these people who advise you “work on yourself first, you can’t have a rel until you love and accept yourself” also don’t understand the pain of being alone for 2, 3, 4, 5, 10, 15 YEARS. I generally say if you haven’t dated anyone in 2 years, then it’s okay to put yourself out there, even if you are not fully “fixed” yet.

Yeah OK if you are 18 or 20 or 22 or maybe even 24 years old and worried about not having a GF, it’s reasonable advice to focus on yourself first. But once you get past 25 and DEFINITELY once you get past 30………then that advice begins to sound really sh1tty, hahahaha. How long do we need to focus on ourselves? At that point we might be focusing on ourselves TOO much, and probably in the wrong way too.

Being alone can be good….but I think this eventually peaks and then starts declining. At around 2 years hahahahahaha. And then being alone will just make you more depressed. Because even the most introverted, shy, or even misanthropic of us, almost without exception, has a strong desire to have a loving relationship, and to avoid this natural urge for years and years and years is not good.

And for better or worse, it can be a huge confidence booster when someone you like likes you. And it also feels good when you feel your heart open and begin to like someone. It is a very beautiful thing to SHARE life with someone special. Saying this as somebody who never REALLY did that….but came close enough to know how special it would be, if only the other person were willing.

IMO Women and men are complementary but also very different. Women can offer very very well-meaning advice to lonely men…..but I generally think men can give MUCH better advice to men than women can regarding dating and relationships from the male perspective, simply because men and women play very different roles. Essentially, women are the supply, men are the demand. Women can get pregnant, men cannot. Women are the choosers, men are the applicants/candidates/suitors. This is based in biology and can’t and shouldn’t be changed. You can chase nature out with a pitchfork, but it always comes back.

In other words, it’s much easier for a depressive woman to find a relationship, than it is for a depressive man. Men are essentially presenting themselves to women, saying “choose me.” And a depressive man has a really hard time presenting himself positively, and competing against all the healthier men who are competing for the same women.

So we have to get healthy first then, right? Kind of, but those of us who have been struggling for our entire adult lives know that this is something we will never fully beat. At best it is something we can manage and try to keep at bay. To beat it and become FULLY “healthy” could take our entire lives. And I just think it’s really SAD that there are a ton of 30+ year old men out there who have never been in a real rel. Myself included, hahaha. And not just 30, but 40, 50+ years old! It’s a special kind of pain and loneliness that I just don’t think anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship can ever fully understand…..because at least they know what it’s LIKE to be in a long-term relationship!

Now I’m not saying long-term relationships are a cure-all, or that they can’t turn into horrible things. I am WELL aware that even the BEST relationships take a LOT of work, and have very bad times as well as very good times. But I’m more than willing to make that effort for the right person. Willing to fight and work and put in effort. But all of the people I was willing to do that for, didn’t feel the same way. They just wanted to be DONE with the rel altogether. And that’s technically fine, I accept their choice………..but I just really wish someone would choose differently.

I thought I would be married by now, maybe with some children (I would love to have 3 or more children!), but I haven’t even had a serious GF yet!

So yeah it’s a unique pain, and I know women MEAN well when they give their perspectives, and I very much appreciate that, but I think women just CAN’T know what this is like, except for maybe the .0000000001% of women who has reached age 30 and has NEVER had a relationship. I concede there are probably a few……but there are a LOT more men, and I think MEN are in the best position to advise and comfort other men here.

Because men and women are very different, and play very different roles in relationships, and we shouldn’t FIGHT nature, but learn to live with it. For a while I was resentful of nature. Then I was resentful of myself to be able to “play the game” of nature, or live up to the minimum standards of nature.

Oh yeah one more thing: in men, depression attacks that which women find most attractive about men: confidence, charisma, masculinity, security, certainty. As for what attracts men to WOMEN, depression is basically irrelevant: beauty, kindness. Yeah I guess depression can make you appear less kind, but not necessarily. But depression pretty much ALWAYS decimates CONFIDENCE, such that this could be the DEFINITION of depression, and CONFIDENCE is THE most important thing for a man to be attractive to women.

So this is why depressed men fare MUCH worse on the dating market than depressed women. That and women generally need to do less work (because their reproductive cost is SO high (pregnancy.))

We have a lot of lonely men here, both under and over 30, and I want all of us to find what we are looking for: a mostly healthy, mostly happy, nontoxic, nonabusive, mutual, longterm, monogamous (well, speaking for myself!) relationship.

I appreciate women trying to show sympathy and support, but just realize it’s pretty much impossible for a woman to truly empathize with our situation, so any “actionable” advice can come across as condescending.

END OF THAT

george feels liked this, heres a guy with a phd who has been jobless for a year and is going crazy from not having any success on his job search. also i think he is a virgin too. 34 years old or so.

aug 8

yeah you (and I) should just bang sluts to get the experience, because banging makes you feel very confident and masculine.

MEN NEED PRACTICE GIRLS, WOMEN DO NOT NEED PRACTICE BOYS.

MEN NEED PRACTICE, WOMEN DON’T.

adn this is right and just and good. women shouldnt need practice. you dont WANT a woman with a lot of practice, do you?!?!?! i hope not. but YOU need practice so you can one day handle a decent woman, to become MAN enough for a decent woman.

it sucks to meet decent women and then lose them because you werent MAN enough. that if you had banged a few more dirty skanks, you would have had a chance with these GOOD women.

sheeeit almost too exciting of a day. had interview with bank for mortgage related job but its kind of an internal thing, meaning you are not SELLING or SERVICING goddamn MORTGAGES and trying to explain things you dont understand to CUSTOMERS who were SCREWED by your bank. But rather, working with vendors to fix up foreclosed houses to meet FHA/HUD standards.

FOOK YOU COMCAST. oh we can chat with an EXPERT on TWITTER? we can change our wifi password to something thats EASY TO REMEMBER??!?!?!  oh i can see youre really SHIFTING YOUR CULTURE to CUSTOMER SERVICE. now you can SCHEDULE A CALLBACK. WOW. Look at these groundbreaking innovations. Such bold forward thinking moves. fooking phaggots. worse yet is they present this like yeah were really trying. we know people hate calling comcast and we’re working to fix it and regain the customers trust by doing these SHITTY, LAME, MEANINGLESS, EASY stuff.

chat with an expert on twitter. thats even worse than chatting with a tech support chat person on the website. how about you TRAIN the agents, maybe give them accounts to work on, really just train your people better because they are the face of your company. have the SUPERVISORS give out their PHONE NUMBERS. TRAIN the level 1 people so you dont HAVE to go to a supervisor to get an answer.  and dont let the supervisors HIDE BEHIND the level 1 people.

but mainly, give at LEAST TWICE the training to level 1 people.

well, then cable would cost 1000 dollars a month rather than 500 dollars a month hahahaha.

and its all fookin jooish poison anyway!!!!!

and also got a phone call out of the blue from an old frand who i havent talked to in forever, at least a year. but he was one of the good guys, a great guy. i was too scared to answer the phone. i sent him an email immediately and said i would call him today. in like 35 minutes from now. so i will follow through with that. he is planning some sort of meetup and I would not be against it. might even be able to bang some sluts i knew 11 years ago and never got the chance to bang then, hahahahaha. but thats not the important part, really what is important is seeing this guy and any other Good Guys.

yep its fookin HARD to get under 1200 calories. you can basically have NO snacks and NO treats. eat one small meal, and one big meal, and thats IT for the day. try to get in at LEAST an hour of walking in too if you can.

well i called the old friend back when i said I would, and left a full rambling 5 minute voice mail, becuase its kinda like my idea of sending a person long voice file rather than actually having a Synchronous Conversation with them. I think there’s definitely advantages to simply leaving long voice mails for each other. mainly it is kinda nerve wracking to have a person there in real time, listening to every word you say, waiting to jump in.

interview today was OK, guy was really normie and pretty young, probably younger than me. he quizzed me on how to actually do a VLOOKUP in excel, which i was not expecting.

=VLOOKUP(Value you want to look up, range where you want to lookup the value, the column number in the range containing the return value, Exact Match or Approximate Match – indicated as 0/FALSE or 1/TRUE).

uhh there it is  hahahaha. wow he caught me in a bullshit lie. welp there goes this job.

its mornings, no weekends, and they would like 45 hours a week, and you do get paid hourly, meaning paid 1.5 for anything over 40. not bad.

they would not say what the pay was. very clever. I gave them a range. I should have written down the shit from glassdoor. i looked at glassdoor but didnt write shit down. I said I looked at glassdoor hahaha and told them what I was making before, and then went 2 dollars either way from that.

they would not say exactly how many people were interviewing. gave the impression that it was a decent amount. “i’ve got some competition” he said. and they had another interview coming in the next hour. got done in about 52-55 minutes.

anyway he seemed ok, wasnt trying to be a dickhead, said that i was a good communicator, i said thank you i appreciate that.

did 5 mile powerwalk, did not get callback from the old friend but at least i called him back. left long message, said a lot of nice stuff. thank you, im sorry, youre a great guy, im thankful, hope you and your fam are doing well, etc etc. went right up to the time i was cut off.

i dunno. i kinda like this move. unless of course it is a woman who is avoiding you and refuses to talk to you. of course this may be the only way you can talk to her.

took some nyquil as well.

 

YOU CANT UNFOOK A COCH, AND YOU CANT UNMURDER A BABY

july 13

did i mention this gurl at the social event? now have seen her 2 weeks in a row. she is very qt and totally dateable. she has ABSOLUTE POTENTIAL to dethrone, usurp, defeat, displace, erase,  REPLACE That Person.

all because i find her very physically attractive as part of my nonslutty type. and then i infer about her personality and morality that she is nonslutty. which is topkek 4 me. in other words, i find nonslutty girls “Drop Dead Gorgeous” and I find gurls who are “secsy and they know it” to be too brazen and slutty. no need to put it all out there like that. we can TELL you’re good looking. WEAR MORE CLOTHES. no need to wear so much or even any makeup. so a woman who implicity understands this, i am attracted to her like a lightning rod.

in other words, i really SHOULD approach this woman. and I rarely feel the desire or interest to approach a woman.

yeah i guess my type is women are who Traditionally Good Looking, but its not like this woman at the pub is a Clone of That Person. there are some similarities which accord to My Type: Nonslutty, dont show too much skin, low makeup, long hair, long legs, meaty bottom and hips, I dont really care about Boobs at all, nice face, paler white skin the better, ideally not brown eyes hahaha, but usually light eyes go along with paler skin.

SUPER chilled out album here

i dont think he’s a J but even if he is i would be inclined to give him a pass. I cant find anything degenerate about this. believe me i’m trying. oh he went to a ((((conservatory)))) and probably is very schooled in ((((schoenberg)))) but oh well richters music still sounds good.

sheeeit applied to state job less than 5 miles from home, 29k a year, YES PLZ.

It was real nice to see that new woman at the pub event and think, ya know, if i were hanging out with her, and she was being nice to me, and cuddling with me, and giving me Dat Ass, and being loyal to me, i would TOTALLY get over and forget about That Person. That is how much potential this new woman has.

i mean shit, she could be a HUGE slut. she doesnt LOOK like one though, and that’s a good sign.

but she hangs out with this gay man who I think goes to COLUMBIA. I do not have that kind of social capital. Even at my best when I was going to a Prestigious Univ…..it wasnt as prestigious as COLUMBIA. people from around here just dont go to ivy league schools. where I went was high tier prestige. i wish it could get me average jobs or average women now, 10+ years later, hehehehe.

that feel when you are first person ever to add an archive.is of a job posting from a company with hundreds of full time employees who make way more than you ever will. they dont even know how 2 archive.is!!!

but yeah even though its frustrating that i was too much of a coward and loser to approach that woman (the new woman hahaha), it was moreso encouraging and positive to think I could have ANY INTEREST or ATTRACTION towards a new woman, beyond being some damn pump and dump slut. Like I actually wanted to date, marry, and Make Babies with this new woman hahaha. I would play the Life Creation Game with her ALL NIGHT LONG. and she would have some BEAUTIFUL, healthy white babies!!!!!

i mean she would probably be leftist because what college education woman isnt, but as long as she had a low partner count, and a super low abortion count, then I could mold her. but

you can’t unfook a coch, and you can’t unmurder a baby. 

oh thats good. thats the kind of CREATIVE you get paid 28k a YEAR for.

14 Words, 14 Dollars an hour, makes sense to me.

anyway i was sitting in the damn emergency room waiting room yesterday from like 6 to 9 am which is never a fun thing, regarding the favor i was doing for my friend who is trying my patience, and i was like there will hopefully not be a lot of people in here at 6 am on a tuesday. and boy would i not want to do this job. pay 80k for nursing school just to work a midnight shift at a damn ER with fooked up ingras and white trash and foreigners and nonwhites. no thank you.

a fully white man with a neck tattoo came out of the ER  and immediate asked for for a cigarette, lighter, anything. I did not have any on me. I prob would have given him one, to help a white out. he had no shoes on and was wearing a GPS or alcohol or house arrest bracelet on his ankle. he was asking about whens the next bus come around. is it ok if i fall asleep here while i wait 2 hours for the bus, i do not want to go back to jail for sleeping in an ER waiting room. thats fine, said the security guard, just lay your head back, and do not lay down on the chair.

what a fooking ridic situation. healthyish white man about 26 years old and this is what it comes to. He sat uncomfortably close to me and asked me to peel back the top of this little cup of apple juice they gave him. I hoped he wouldnt start talking to me at 7 damn am. thankfully he did not.

but then these damn indians or pakis came in with donuts and coffee, a guy and 2 girls, all in their 20s, and they were chattering and being pretty loud. the women were shrill and annoying. they were laughing and giggling and practically having a damn party in an ER waiting room while that white guy was trying to nap, I was sorta trying to nap, and for all they know, our families are dying in there and we are just waiting for an update. the ER waiting room is not a place for FUN and giggling and banter, in other words.

they were there for at least an hour. my first assumption was that they were indian medical students doing some kind of ER clinical rotation for medical school. but didnt have the people skills to know that its kinda rude to act all boisterous. future doctors here.

but yeah what i dont like about women is that they are horrible at human decency. treating people the way you want to be treated. the golden rule. common courtesy. treating relationships and people like objects. not even making the slightest effort to be kind or decent.  treating people and relationships like disposeable, replaceable, throwaway objects and nothing more. HOW CAN YOU TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THAT????????????????!!!?!?!?!?!?!

thats the bottom line: HOW CAN YOU TREAT OTHER HUMAN BEINGS LIKE THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

ok i am behind on keeping up with the New Job Stream, and ALSO on actually applying.

which is more important?

applying for jobs. ESPECIALLY if you have daily email alerts for some (but not all!!!!!!) of the Most Important Unmissable companies.

yeah. so, more important to apply for jobs, ASSUMING you have some B+ or even A rating jobs to apply to. I guess when you clear all those out, THEN go back to The List. Well I have like 14 jobs with high rating to apply to!

but yeah what do you say to a woman who is 8 years younger than you, makes more money than you, is further along with her career than you, has had much more relationship experience than you hahahahaha. well that last one is all women.

see you have plenty of foreveralone guys like me who have never had a real gf, or have only had short term dating abortions which lasted 2 or 3 months tops. literally EVERY woman has had SOME kind of long term rel that has lasted at LEAST a year. a long period of time where there was secs, cuddling, hanging out, spending time together, luv, loyalty, and monogamy, over a long period of time.  all women have experienced this. we foreveralones NEVER have.

maybe have pseudodated a woman for a few weeks where we were desperate for them to commit to us, hang out with us, be with us and us alone…..but they were never willing.

oh well. got 5 applications done today hehehe.

so them having Longterm Relationship Experience is FINE. just because you have experience with that, doesnt mean you have LOTS of Short Term Rel Experience. just look at That Person.  I mean you wont be able to FIND a woman WITHOUT LONGterm rel experience. thats FINE. it’s SHORT term rel experience you need to worry about.

even though sure i admit it IS a little intimidating thinking ALL women have long term rel exp, and you have NONE. at 35 years of age, 19 year old gurls have something you’ve never had, hahahahahahahahaha.

dat feel when you have been diligently jobsearching for a while and then you notice jobs get REPOSTED that you applied to like 2 months ago. you say OOO theres a grade A job I should apply to! then you say hey I already applied for this 2 months ago, or something very very like it at the same company, same location. and now they would rather repost the job than call ME? so does that mean I shouldn’t even bother applying AGAIN? I mean they already HAVE my info, without a doubt. unless they routinely throw all that shit away.

so should you reapply? I GUESS. It will show you are motivated and persistent. but Don’t hurt your Average too much applying for it. shit yes you should count it towards your Stats. your average, your total (676), etc.

so yeah. dont worry about the long term rel…..although should you LIE when she asks you about YOUR long term rels? because its really WEIRD and CREEPY when a guy has never had a GF. I would say, yeah, kinda lie. say that you had a few gfs but it didnt work out, water under the bridge, not much to say tbh!

even though you have written books and books about bitches that you never actually dated or fooked hahahahaha.

not much to say tbhfam!

yeah i guess you SHOULD lie because women like DOMINANT men and you’re NOT DOMINANT! so really until you get your first LTR under your belt by BEING DOMINANT, you have to LIE about Being Dominant!

but I would really just call it FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. nothing wrong with that. sounds better and is better than LYING. as a moral man, you dont like LYING. i get it. i’m the same way. so, faking it till you make it is not the same thing as “LYING.” 

how do you approach a qt nonslut who you are actually INTERESTED in, when you are a huge old short loser virgin?

you say, ayyyyyy bae i got a lesson for you. YOU CANT UNFOOK A COCH AND YOU CANT UNMURDER A BABY. drop mic then walk away, and then she will run after you, immediately take your coch, and then murder your baby like it aint no thang. EASY PEASY.

july 14

ok did my big day of shopping and went to JCPENNEY and they did have a good suit selection. found j ferrar brand suit with 95$ coat and 45$ pants. the color jumped out at me, it was blue but also kind of grayish. not a super duper dark blue. unfort it will prob be difficult to pair the coat with normal dark blue pants. its not a very dark navy blue.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-first-kid-my-family-graduate-from-college-have-scars-valentine?trk=hp-feed-article-title-editor-pick

idiot gets engineering degree and ends up working a job you dont need any college for and still in college debt hahaha. i bet he is a virgin too. no i kid. this guy actually has a very good work ethic, and an actually useful degree, and he does deserve better.

but yeah go to jcpenney, they have thousands of coats, then try them on till you find you Jacket Size. There was a bunch of middle aged Whites working there when I went so I trusted them, but it was sad they didnt have a better job. the 55 year old white man was able to sound confident and be like yep this size looks better than that other size. and no we dont do tailoring but there is a tailor in this mall that we direct people to.

then i went to the tailor and enlisted their services to shorten the legs and the arms (i am a very short manlet) for 40$ total.

so, essentially $180 bucks for a Tailored brand new suit. yeah a little pricey but as long as I can get 2 to 3 years out of it. it does look a lot better than what I was wearing.

and i learned muh suit size hahahaha.

also i got a nice red tie.

also got some “dress shoes” that are actually really cheap and kinda look cheap hahahaha. basically got the cheapest “Dress shoes” I could find. 30 dollars and kinda look like they are made of plastic hahaha.

heard a story about how when we were at our event the other night, and I was ogling that New Woman with the long legs and the long dark hair and the pale skin who didnt look like a slut, my colleague noticed in his rearview mirror, a man gyrating his hips behind the car. when my colleague drove ahead, pulled the car around to shine his lights at the guy, he saw that is was actually a guy AND a woman, in fact a sleazy trashy looking couple who had been grabbing each other in the pub earlier, and he was banging her IN THE PARKING LOT, not IN a car, but UP AGAINST the exterior of a car, so that the whole world could see.

DEGENERATE! but I kinda wished I had seen it too. We all left at the same time, so those degneerates were out there when I left too in other words and could have seen them if i were looking.

as i recall it was an overweight 40 year old potatoe shaped single mom white trash tattooed woman hehehehe.

but yeah thats an EXTREMELY slutty bad thing to do. if i found out my wife to be had EVER done that, i would DUMP her. that is a sign of extremely poor character.

so easy to eat over the limit. i am 1000 calories over for the week and its only thursday hehehe.

anyway jc penney was MUCH better than kohls in terms of suits.

its fookin retarded anyway. why do you NEED matching coat and pants.

got a new belt too. which i needed. cuz the old one was all wrinkled, and was too big. cuz muh weight is up and down like crazy over the years. a damn roller coaster.

whoops did not get ANY applications done today.

sooo uhh got 1 week to think about this other interview i MAY have NEXT friday. i thought they were a recruiter at first, but they were actually a company i applied to.  i THINK. outsourced business processes. so the law firm is outsourcing their mailroom and coping staff to a Business Process Outsourcing company, who I would be working for, not for the law firm.

11.50 an hour. eh could be worse. FT days schedule though, that is awesome.

but this isnt a recruiter, i am talking to the damn employer. and i was treating them with the casual attitude i would treat a recruitar. yep lemme call you back if i really want the interview. they probably thought i sounded like an asshole hahahaha .

WELL I will try to decide by next wednesday hahahahaha.

ok how about next tuesday. anything like this i need to sleep on hahahaha. oh shit i must have made a TERRIBLE impression on the person who called me! like yeah i DONT KNOW if i want to interview with you, lemme call you back, which is my “classic” move when I am caught off guard by recruiters. well this wasnt really a recruiter.

but i mean they basically are.

shit yeah its hard to relate to women, because even if a woman isnt a huge slut, even a normal nonslutty woman has no idea what its like to be a FOREVERALONE hahahahaha. they can’t relate to ME, and I can’t relate to THEM.

it is like being ALIENS to each other.

but THAT WOMAN accepted me as a foreveralone! she didnt judge me for it! she still thought I was cool!

UNTIL the moment when I wanted to date her. THEN she was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED, shrinking back like nosferatu getting hit with sunlight.

THE THING IS, we never really TALKED about my foreveraloneness. The MOST we ever talked about something like it was when I talked a LITTLE bit about the Previous Woman and how it was taking me a while to get over her (like a year, hahahaha.) so i was like yeah thats why i acted so weird when we saw that woman and I was so desperate to avoid her. (the previous woman came into our place of work hahaha and That Woman saw her and said hey didnt that woman used to work here, because i only get interested in women i work with, because its the only way i get to meet and talk to and sort of become friendly with women, hahahahaha. and I said oh shit and said yeah I’m gonna go do some work over here, I don’t really want that woman to see, I’ll explain later. and then I went to a very casual friendly dinner with That Woman and explained why.

however I did not go into detail about my foreveraloneness. Just the story of the past couple years up to then. not the past 10 year or anything. and then we talked more about her failing rel with her longterm live in boifran. remember i would not fall in luv with her for about another YEAR after this point.

so yeah, she NEVER really learned a LOT of details about my past. I never talked about the women I DID have short term rels with hahahaha. she didn’t know i was a foreveralone or that i hadnt dated anyone in 8 years or hadnt had secs in 8 years or whatever it was 3 years ago haha.

DF POST BY ME in a thread started by 23 year old virgin male who is lonely and autistic as FOOK but I Sympathize Empathize with him. what prompted me was that he felt guilty about having a preference for white women, him being a white. GR8 B8 M8!!!! I had to disabuse him of that pointless guilt before going into the much more important issue of meeting and getting to know women.

Great topic! First, I would advise to not feel guilty or ashamed about any racial preference as regards dating/intimate relationships. I think @redacted put it much more nicely than I could. People can definitely be a bit “tribal” and I think this is perfectly natural. However, there are also “different strokes for different folks”, and other people are very open to dating outside their race. But I once had the same fear you did. As time passed, I stopped worrying about it and just accepted my preferences as they were.

The more important point in my opinion, is the idea of getting to know somebody before developing deeper feelings for them. My ideal is similar to yours, where people gradually go from strangers to acquaintances to friends and finally to something beyond friends. I don’t think a serious relationship CAN be “rushed”, and it seems strange to me that people can go from strangers immediately to “lovers.” I suppose they might not really be true “lovers” after such a short time, but are rather just “going through the motions”, but I am biased because I’ve always been like this, I’ve never been comfortable with “casual dating” at any point in my life.

For a while I thought this might be considered “demisexual”, which is where a person can only feel physical attraction to a person when there is some kind of emotional connection/relationship already established. I’m not sure how related this is to asexuality, which I also thought I might be. Ultimately, I concluded that I was a pretty standard basic heterosexual who just had a strong preference for monogamous long-term relationships.

Not sure if you’re aware of the concept of “love shy”, there’s a big Love Shy forum out there. In my opinion, this ties in pretty well with the concept of “Forever Alone”, which is usually somewhat introverted young men who go through their twenties struggling with dating and relationships, and then there is the concept of the “wizard” or thirty-year-old male virgin.

Hmmm not sure the point I was trying to make, other than you are not alone! For me I was not just introverted, but definitely shy, anxious, and awkward when it came to socializing with women. Just pointing out the difference between introversion and shyness; some introverts are not shy, but I unfortunately am both, and I wonder if you may be too. (Not sure if there are any extraverts who are shy, but that’s another tangent!)

Basically I just wanted to keep this thread alive and give my long-winded 2 cents, which is that I mostly understand where you’re coming from with this, and I have no great advice! I just wanted to give you some support that it’s really no problem if you have a preference for dating people of your particular race, and especially to the idea that it’s very natural to not really develop deeper feelings for a person until you actually get to KNOW the person.

Of course, getting to know a person can be very challenging if you don’t see the person regularly!

And there’s also the implicit issue of approaching, which I always like to make explicit! In other words, shy, introverted men are usually not getting lots of women (or even people in general!) approaching them/you/us. It is definitely intimidating knowing that the bulk of the responsibility for initiating/approaching is on you, and that is something you’ve never been particularly good at! (I could be wrong – I’m mainly speaking for myself as a shy, introverted male!)

And again I have nothing productive to say about initiating/approaching!

The last thing resembling a relationship I had with a woman was, she was a new person at my job, and I am generally friendly and open and helpful to new employees as a rule, because I appreciate how nerve-wracking it is to learn a new job, and I hate the feeling of being “thrown to the wolves”, “swim or sink”, etc.

So as I was talking to her about the job and just being generally nice (“It’s an easy job, you’ll be fine, don’t be nervous, everyone is very nice, you can ask anybody questions anytime, especially me, I love helping people out”) we then began having small talk and chit chat, which I thought I didn’t like, but I enjoyed small talk with her. (I suppose I don’t really hate “meaningless small talk”, as it allows you to develop a rapport and familiarity and comfortability with a person.)

And through the small talk, I found we had common interests in music and movies and TV and current events, and could get into longer, more detailed conversations about those things.

After a few months of that we were getting along very naturally and very positively. As this pattern continued, we became friends who hung out outside of work.

After about 2 years of this, a switch flipped in my brain, and I fell hard for her, and that spelled doom for our friendship/relationship, and the whole thing ended horrifically for me.

The point of that anecdote is that

1. it takes a long time for people like us to get to know someone and become real friends with them, and that is fine.

2. feelings can change over time, so that you can fall crazily in love with a friend you’ve had for a few years.

Now, I’m not suggesting to make friends with women at work, and I know you are having some struggles with work right now as well (as am I!!!) But the reality is, people spend a lot of time at work, which gives them proximity and familiarity with a group of people that they don’t have elsewhere, and it can be a kind of “springboard” to getting to know people, and making new friends. (it can also be a springboard to bullying and conflict and gossip and abuse and drama etc)

I guess the ultimate point is try to put yourself in positions where you see the same or a mostly-same group of people on a regular basis, which is what it seems you were trying to do with the gaming meet-up, but it also sounds like that is not working out very well, and that it’s also not very conducive to talking to people.

Personally I play blabla once a week and that has been great fun socially. Now I am not really close friends with the people in my blabla group, and I haven’t really met any new women, but it is a regular social outlet that I am thankful for.

So I might tentatively suggest to look into local blabla teams, it seems to be growing in popularity the last couple of years, so there should be something in your area. Basically you just go out to a local bar/restaurant and play a live game of blabla and win prizes.

Sorry for the super-long post everybody!

Also do you think you would qualify yourself as shy as well as introverted? Because that can definitely be a “double whammy” when trying to meet new people, but certainly not insurmountable!

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