NEVER TRUST NONNEVERGF NORMIES

nov 1

sheeeeeeeeeeit rejected for the part time city job, 15 an hour, was hopign for this as a kind of baby steps, training wheels, safety net. they had THREE positions open so i thought i had a chance. sent thank you emails to the three people on interview panel. (representing the three departments/positions.) got rejection email today. spent 14 minutes on application, 90 minutes in first test, 30 minutes on second test, 40 minutes on interview, and rejected. damn.

well, they either have promised the jobs to family members, and or they are looking for an older married woman who is looking for part time job AND NOT full time job. because i made a statement like, “a full time position is my #1 priority.” basically saying to them its not my first choice that this job is part time. and you want a candidate who makes you a #1 Priority not an option!

i dunno, i’ll never know.

but yeah thats disappointing. believe me a part time baby steps job would be a BIG DEAL and possible LIFE CHANGER, just for showing that I can HANDLE some kind of Employment without completely losing my mind and running away panicquitting!

its kinda hard convincing someone “its company policy, you cant do that” if the company policy isnt WRITTEN DOWN anywhere, AND there is no good faith attempt at an explanation. you figure there is always some wizard in the back room with 2 years of experience (hehehehe) who knows the Secret Way Around Things. but you have just as much access to this Guru Ninja, as Joe Flabeetz off the Streetz!!!!!!

i was thinking of a stupid case just today, and i should make a GOod Story out of it while its fresh in my mind.

caller is moving to another company location 1 mile away. caller wants to move his client list from location 1 to location 2. he figures thats reasonable. calls, gets me, asks me to do that for him / get that process started. i say ok let me put you on hold for a few minutes while i figure this out. cant find any good articles. ask the people around me because i dont want to get Dinged for going into the Official Advice Chat, because that shows you arent trying hard enough to figure it out on your own, and just want your Hand Held. people around me say you cant do that, cant be done, and continue focusing on their own cases. Really, I say? why not? what should I tell this guy? just tell him it can’t be done. company policy. yeah but why? and couldn’t there possibly be a way to just copy the files manually to a flash drive, then load them into the other office? i mean these are all just FILES, right? why can’t you move a file from one computer to another? I mean yeah I know all the files look like WKDNSUH193734940.ngr and are in 1488 different locations, but…..isnt that what we have tier 2 and 3 for? this has got to be an escalated case right? people around me sigh and say, well, youre getting way too deep, plus theyre gonna say no anyway, that would take way too much time, but if you want to ask for escalation, go ahead, theyre just gonna say no, nothing we can do. and im like WRONG, there IS stuff we can do, but just be straight with me and my caller that it would take to much time and money, I can understand that, he can understand that.

i guess the reason you cant move a client list is so that people can’t “steal” their client information when they leave the company, and use that to start their own business or something.

yeah but this guys not leaving the company! he’s just moving to a different office! a fairly common thing!!!!

so i still dont understand. but for the purposes of my Story that i’m gonna tell the interviewer, i have to make it look like i made sense out of all this.

i think i just said, yeah i checked, this cant be done, i guess its security policy so people can’t easily leave the company with their client lists, sorry, i tried. and he was like ok fine i guess. thats our company for you, always getting in the way with stupid policies.

maybe im asking too much with a minimum of 12 dollars an hour. maybe i should drop it down to 10 dollars an hour. i see more 10 dollar an hour job openings than 12 dollars an hour.

maybe in another year of joblessness hahahahahaha.

anyway a good answer for that guy would be, welp, it would be FASTER and CHEAPER for you to sit there in the first office, print out 2000 pages of paper for all the clients files, and then bring the boxes of printouts to the new office, and manually reenter them into that computer, than it would be to transfer the files from one office to another.

but youre kidding me. i mean i get the security thing if the employee is permanently leaving. but employees transfer offices ALL THE TIME. YOURE TELLING ME that for the 100 employees that are transferred to a different office EVERY DAY, theres NO WAY for them to have access to their old files from the new office? that doesnt even make sense how that would be a policy!

i understand completely. if you’d like to dispute the policy, the best person to speak to is the office manager.

I AM THE OFFICE MANAGER!

I mean, speak to YOUR manager, the district manager.

HE SAID TO CALL YOU!!!!

And I’m saying to call him and say that we can’t fix this. I’m not sure he can fix this, but he sure has a better chance at having more power than me.

well why cant you just trasnfer me to YOUR manager? certainly they have more power than you?

yeah they have too many cases and they dont think this case is worthwhile. sorry.

I want to hear this from them.

OK I’ll request a callback, but can’t give you a time other than to say it will be within the next 72 hours. And I can’t give you the person’s name. it could be any of 20 people.

you have 20 managers?

no, see, the managers don’t know anything. they only know how to MANAGE, and they dont do that very well. I’m having a level 2 person call you. they’re like level 1 people who have been around for 3 years and actually know stuff and can explain stuff. sorta.

i cant make this up folks. i worried that my fam would think i was weird or homosexual because i never talked to gurls, never had a GF, never had female friends, come on fam im 23, 25 years old, dont you think this is WEIRD? dont you worry im a weird pedophile? then i got to 30 with no GF, no female friends, and it was a lot easier hahahaha. it was like yep thats just the way he is. terrible with the ladies. but they never SAID i was weird or that they were disappointed. i thought it was weird that they didnt THINK it was weird, cuz i sure thought it was weird!

shit. might as well listen to that new deathspell omega album. not even excited. not sure i could get excited about a metal album ever again. new darkthrone album was kinda disappointing. what if boortzum made a new metal album? it would prob be disappointing like his last metal album. ok then what about muh boy mikko makes a new album? well see i didnt even really get into his new vapaudenristi album. i would prob get excited about a new stabat mater album hahahahahaha. we are abotu due for one of those.  uhhhh metal. big metal fan. yep.

mgla? yeah thats probably the most excited id get about a new metal album.

nonmetal album? i dunno. leonard cohen comes out with new albums and i dont even care, tom waits could prob come out with a new album and i wouldnt care, cuz i was underwhelmed by his last album like 5 years ago hahahaha. cmon tom.

tom waits net worth is 25 million hahahahaha.

heh. rej email for a 32k job. well, thats way more than 26k hahahaha. but ok well this is the county. i have been interviewed by the county for a….33k job and a 40k job. really would have liked that 40k job. but i get rejected for all the 26k, 28k jobs i apply for with the county. you gotta go to harvard or mit to get a 26k job with the county apparently hahahahaha.

OR JUST NOT HAVE A 15 MONTH GAP hahahahaha is much more like it!

if i ever got a gf i could see it being like this hahahahaha. but at least he cares about dumping her in a good way rather than just Ghosting and Blocking her hahahahaha.

yeah thats the hard thing when things END right in the middle of Your Honeymoon Period, is that it takes much longer to get over, becuase youre always thinking WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF. you never got bored with them, you never got in a rut, you never thought maybe the grass is greener, they were always your perfect angel, never though, welp im bored with this person, they dont CHALLENGE me to be a BETTER PERSON, hahahahaha hahahaha.  or whatever bullshit hahahaha.

well honestly when you are in true honeymoon period, you DO feel like you want to be a better person because of them, the cliche is true!

i guess…..well you know you get that feeling of please just escalate this case, i dont know what im doing, this is above my paygrade, i dont know how to explain this, i just want another person to look at this and at least give them a better reason…..but youre not getting approval to escalate, and you sound like an idiot. in hindsight, the best thing to do would be, plan on staying an extra hour just to work on their case, and be like, i’ll call you back at 630 pm. thats the best i can do. because noone else is willing or able to look at this. and i need like an hour to figure it out. but i dont have an hour because we have calls in queue and i’m already over 20 minutes with your call. so im gonna sacrifice my family time so i can do work for free, for you. so you better tell my manager i deserve a promotion. not some diversity person from outside of the company.

listened to the new DsO. sounded just like the old DsO hahahahahaha. jangly and angular and chaotic and noisy and confusing. it sounds like what my mind felt like trying to do my old job. jumbled and confused and making no sense. anyway nothing new in DsO’s bag of tricks. total emperor has no clothes. they cannot get away with this any longer hahahahaha. just an exercise in wankery. yeah i kinda like crazy blast beats behind semi-clean guitars, yeah i like mikko, yeah they have their own STYLE of weird nonsense music, so you could tell them apart from other “math rock” or “technical” groups………but I guess Im just not super into the technical stuff.

i mean honestly. WHAT ARE YOUR MUSICAL INFLUENCES. thats what i would ask him. probably a lot of jazz hahaha. ornette coleman hahaha.

it sounds just like all their other albums, a pile of noise hahahahahahahahaha. smoke and mirrors. if he was actually down to earth enough to give an interview, people would say, yeah you know youre not as good as you think you are, ya underachieving autist hahahahahaha.  go make some more money at your normiejob and go cuddle with your tradwife hahahaha.

enjoy your beautiful part of france where there are beautiful mountains and forests and small towns and white people and no browns like in godforsaken paris. or calais hahahaha.

fooking k1ke bastards. cant even hire me for a part time job. was it because they can TELL im not a NORMIE? just like WOMEN can tell hahahah.

no thats not true, even THAT WOMAN didnt realize how much of a nonnormie i was! and she didnt Block me because she realized exactly HOW fooked up i was, she just blocked me because she was a coward. for all she knows, im a total normie who dates wimmin hahaha.  i mean this reflects worse on her than it does on me.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=what%20to%20say%20in%20any%20situation

namely, any DIFFICULT/TUFF situation hahahahaha.

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f21/anyone-else-have-a-job-but-no-life-339841/index5.html

heh i should put SAS in the sidebar o links, decent forum. bunch sad sacks with no friends, no gf, some have jobs, some dont.

how did they GET these jobs?

yeah its muh GAP which is hurting me more than my lack of Interviewing Charisma. I actually have prob around average interview skills. better than that woman hahahahahahahahahaha who i still think about and compare myself to even though she has been out of my life forever for 16 months and is never coming back.

yeah the whole reason i LUV MJ now is because i used WAY TOO MUCH of it in my youth, age 25 and earlier. big mistake. never should have. but ive screwed the pooch now. because i ruined myself when i was young, i will pretty much always be addicted to w33d hahahaha. in that i am ALWAYS thinking about it, EVERY DAY, even when I only have it once every 200 days, im thinking about it all the other 199 days.  yes it sucks but DEAL WITH IT.

and the best way to do that, is just get a job any job ASAP,  find a MJ Hookup ASAP, and make a Big Buy ASAP. like $100 at least. buy a BIG bag of MJ.

get on disability because i have too much anxiety to work a job like a normie, then spend money on MJ hahaha.

those fookin phaggots rejecting me for the part time job when there were THREE openings. god damn. 3 openings and less than 30 people in the running. how the HELL was i not in the top 20%? where DID I rank? HOW close was I to getting the job? and what if i WASNT EVEN CLOSE?

again they probably wanted somebody who was perfectly happy with part time job, rather than someone who admitted yeah my goal is to get a full time job. probably hired a retired 65 year old person who just wanted something to DO to keep from getting BORED with retirement hahahahaha. fookin baby boomers.

rather than 50 year old people who are FORCED into early retirement and have to eat dogfood and live in section 8 housing with negros hahahahaha. elderly white people living in the black ghetto, eating dogfood. which is also black slang for heron.

ANYWAY. so i will crap on deathspell omega because……they are FRUSTRATING. basically they intentionally gave up catchy riffs in favor of super uncatchy “riffs” and its like they did this on purpose, they are purposely frustrating, and i liked that when i was 16 but now that i am over twice that age, im like, i want to listen to music to ENJOY it, not to work hard and struggle to overcome challenges and confusion. i have a hard enough time doing that in my daily life. just give me good songs. and i know they are capable of that! my favorite DSO songs are their slower more melodic ones!!!! “carnal malefactor” eg. beautiful song. write more songs like that. or the first song on “drought” was slow and melodic and establishes a very nice dark ominous atmosphere, before they tear it all down with their nonsense riffs…..and the nonsense riffs on “paracletus” actually seemed to work most of the time.

im getting too old for this shit hahahahahaha.

yeah but they are even older than ME! they are close to 40!

probably MJ would make it more enjoyable. i wonder if “hasjarl” does MJ. PROBABLY. knowing that would take a lot of the MYSTIQUE out. like this article on insvisible oranges implies: it seems RIDICULOUS to think of a member of DSO doing mundane things like going to walmart or tuning the guitar or having a goofy moment in the studio. to that i would add just about anything: hanging out with their waifu, taking a dump, going to work, trying to explain shit to angry customers, visiting their family. but they do all these things just like normal people, and yeah maybe i CAN imagine these things all too well, and so i think, no need to TRY so hard buddy. I KNOW youre just a damn normie! i bet he just gets super stoned and is like oh heres another wanky riff in 88/14 time that normie squares who haven’t taken jazz band 101 wont understand hehehehe. hue hue hue hue. yeah well youre a normie too buddy.

mikko aspa might not be a normie tho hahahaha.

this guy has actually gotten to the point of casual secs and can conclusively say that he is not impressed and he wants moar, but he just cant get to the second date. i mean if they FOOK on the first date, its a safe assumption theyre SOMEWHAT interested in you.  but noooooo they cant even fook you a second time!

i mean when a gurl FOOKS, how do you know whether she wants it ONLY ONCE, or more than once?

these stupid, stupid bitches. hahahaha. you think if he turned down the secs on the first date, then the women are gonna change their mind and want to go out with him for a second date?

WOMEN WHO FOOK ON THE FIRST DATE ARE NOT THE TYPE OF WOMEN YOU WANT TO HAVE A SECOND DATE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but nobody understands this anymore. there is not enough SLUT SHAMING!!!!!

treat people like actual people, human beings with feelings and hearts! thats how i treat women in real life! i talk a LOT of shit about women in general on teh internet, but in real life, with real women, I DO NO HARM!!!!!!!!!!

nov 2

yeah i was/am kinda pissed about getting rejected for the pt 15 an hour job with THREE openings. couldnt even get ONE of em. couldnt even get the WORST one.

interview tomorrow for goddamn ELEVEN dollar PT job, which is normally too low to consider for me, but i like the company, its close, i worked there before, i would luv to get FT job there, and ive had THREE interviews with them for pt 11 dollar jobs, all rejected, and the 4th tomorrow. (4 separate jobs.)

would LOVE to get call this week from the 2 other companies i int at last week. would def be disappointed af to get rej emails from them. not really PISSED, but definitely disappointed and weakened confidence. it cant get much lower folks hahahaha.

trump does not view women as full human beings, says hitlery hahahahaha. i thought, well, neither do I, but I would never want to personally do them harm. AND I view them as about 80% human beings, thats pretty good right?

still doesnt mean i would TREAT them as 80% humans, i wouldnt treat them like they have treated me hahahaha. they have treated ME like less than 80% human!!!!!!!!

anyway who cares. my new thing with interviews is, just memorize 10 stories in great detail.

let the STORIES be your guide.

i didnt know what i was doing, i couldnt explain the bad news to the caller because i didnt understand, i didnt udnetstand enough to ask the right questions to muh superiors, i got flustered. so i went home and studied the stuff until i did understand it. then the next day i called the caller again and gave them a better explanation.

even though most times just studying will nto give you the EXPLANATION you want. you still have to deduce the explanation for yourself out of the most unclear material. or speculate a reason or rationale or explanation why you Cant Do This, because nothing is given in a written company policy.

its usually safe to assume Money Is The Reason. saving money. and then you have to come up with a tactful way to explain that to the customer, we cant help you because it costs too much money.

i was watching this retarded show “taboo” which is semi entertaining, and then they did a show about “the limits of female beauty” or something and had a bit on The Most Anorexic Woman in the World, a french woman who LITERALLY looked like A Skeleton. I mean her actual FACE as well as her body was Emaciated AF and she looked like the Sloth Guy in the move Seven. looking at that face as haunting and horrifying. i said NOPE NOT GONNA WATCH THIS and i felt dirty being complicit in this very jooish exploitation.

id actually seen the episode before a few years ago. i recall they said this woman DIED shortly after the episode was completed. she was like 30 years old and LITERALLY at deaths door as they were filming, she was that bad, and she LOOKED that bad. it was HORRIFYING.

i know i was disturbed when i watched in the first time and when they showed her this time, i was super disturbed and just turned the show off. how jooish can you get.

 

sheeeeeit thats that type of stuff i worry about, now this poor sap is living it! guarantee this will be [removed] quickly hahahaha like most of the sweet reddits i post.

what if that woman did something like that? it wouldnt matter because she has been Ripped Out of my life for the past 16 months. 480 days hahahaha. who cares. doesnt matter. its all over. get over it.

so yeah my work stories suck because basically it was me getting flustered and saying uhh yeah i guess we cant do this, sorry, just deal with it, anything else i can help you with? so again, i have to SPIN those stories to show that I did Follow Up research to understand shit, and did callbacks to Clarify shit, in a world where NOTHING WAS CLEAR. half the time documentation didnt even EXIST. and the documentation that DID exist was WRONG, out of date, and or confusing/UNCLEAR AF.

and the people you can ask for help are often as unhelpful and unclear as the unclear shit you are asking for clarification on, so you learn to try to Figure It Out yourself.

anyway. ive sort of met the guy i will be talking to tomorrow. he used to walk through my department and i would give him a friendly greeting whenever i saw him. he seemed nice enough that he is actually the type who says hello to people, and i am the same way. yes thats right. im not this huge hateful asshole in real life. i am a scared coward who is so DESPERATE for peoples APPROVAL that i am super NICE to people all the time, like a total NICE GUY, the worst KIND of creep!!!!! hahahahahaha.

ok everybody wants approval. why cant we just call this golden rule. treat everyone the way you want to be treated. that is an even more valid explanation of me being nice to everybody. besides i dont stalk women like a nice guy. i send them a couple emails and let them throw me away with onyl minimal complaining.

i TALK like a huge abuser, but i have never ever ever abused a woman. but of course i worry that i would, because i TALK like an abuser when there are no women around. so its hard to tell. what is real and what is the mask?

i like to think im not REALLY an abuser. i have just been so disappointed by women that its very hard for me not to speak negatively of them. but alot of my stuff is legit criticism.

https://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&rlz=1C1NHXL_enUS687US687&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=how%20do%20you%20convince%20people%20youre%20not%20an%20idiot

drop quotes by neil “magic black science man” tyson. maybe steven hawking. done.

http://archive.is/iSmnZ

stupid kyke hahahahaha why did i even trigger myself hahaha

http://introvertspring.com/introvert-may-slow-im-stupid/

yeah dont even tell the interviewer you are slightly introverted even as a way just to describe your personality is not super duper extraverted……..BECAUSE INTROVERTED IS A BAD WORD AND A BAD THING. Just say you are perfectly normal, a friendly polite person, and not necessarily the life of the party. Im just here to do a good job, not socialize. never let the word INTROVERT exit your lips. ANATHEMA.

i mean i havent done that recently, but i know i did at some point, maybe to explain why i prefer a Back Office Position over a Front Office Position.

they always say, ask her out on a DATE, BUT, problem is, youve been HANGING OUT a bit doing things that COULD be construed as datelike, where they only thing that changes is the word…..hey wanna go to dinner again…..but this time its a DATE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!

yeah ok fine. if this is what you have to do, i’ll accept that. i would just rather say “i am starting to get changing feelings for you and might want to DATE you” would be just as good.

anyway. MW is now in the US. and uploading vidyas regularly. hope he keeps doing that. if the “dangerous haggis tour” stops near me i would like to see him. this is exciting. i am excited for him. he is pretty excited. hopefully he hangs out with plenty of hardcore WN’s hahahaha. his first stop was staying with antidem in san f4gcisco. all i know about antidem is that he is a joo and was banned from TRS for that. hes probably one of the good ones, but…….not a great start. just go stay with greg johnson hahaha. well i know “grindr greggie” also stays near NYC as well. anyway i am SURE they will meet up. and i hope MW records as much of his visit as possible. record everything. documentary. its just fun. i am happy for him. he is a great guy. hope he doesnt bang that woman hahaha. because that woman might have gotten into alt right stuff since i stopped talking to her. hahahahaha. yeah right.

but young women will do weird celebrity worship shit tho. for example, say youre obsessed with the band sublime, so you Chat with the dead singers mother or something. what if That Woman got all into alt right, then skyped with MW for months, and said, if you ever come to the US you can stay with me…….and fook me every way imaginable! no man could turn that down!

when a purty 7/10 25 year old gurl is giving you attention, smiling at you, interested in you, wants to see you…….that is a BIG boost to the confidence!

you might think, well she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer…..but she doesnt NEED to be! she just needs to be nice and friendly and interested!

so yeah. she could def fook MW if she wanted. she could fook ANY man she wanted. ANY woman can fook ANY man they want ehehehehe. well…..she prob couldnt fook the donald. but an E-list internet “celebrity”? absolutely.

ok ok thats enough on that person.

but we just had a REAL relship! FACT! and it was important to me! FACT! and my feelings are valid! FACT! i am entitled to be upset when i lose a Real Rel that was very important to me! FACT!

trust the process hahaha.

basically, any way you look at it, it was a REAL RELATIONSHIP, and I can’t say that about many women. maybe 2 other women, both just friends, but decent real friends. the women i pseudodated, those were just brief pseudorels, CASUAL rels, i didn’t really know them, these were NOT REAL RELS, so ultimately its prob easier to get over something THAT NEVER REALLY EXISTED.

this shit really existed though. objectively. there is ironclad EVIDENCE that would hold up in court.

so yeah. you can ghost on a casual “rel”, but when you ghost on a REAL rel…….IT HURTS.

the end.

heard about retired guy, had great 30+ year career with DoD, prob insane pension, good man, he’s done well, good white family, good white man. gets PT job in retirement to just get out of the house. scheduled like 4 hours a day. shift starts at 830 am, but he’s gotta start working at 745 am to finish the shit he has to finish by 11:30 am or whatever. i HATE this shit. doing 45 minutes of unpaid work, on a THREE HOUR shift. so you are giving them 33% PERCENT MORE, for FREE. that is like working OVER TWO HOURS FOR FREE on a regular 8-hour day.

30 minutes extra, ok fine. an hour, that’s pushing it. and i am talking about a full 8 hour day.

i HATE when you have to work off the clock just to finish the shit you HAVE to finish by the end of your shift. thats so fooking GAY and JOOISH and I BET that that shit happens a LOT more now than it did 20 years ago.

and like i said before, you cant even brag that you are GREAT about doing this, as a way to demonstrate your value, because you shouldnt even be doing this. no. just say you do the work in 8 hours what average people do in 10. and then actually stay 10 hours to do 10 hours of work. but clock out after 8. fooking skypes. hehehehe.

PURGE THE BERGS AND STEINS!!!!!!!!!!1

had weird dream last night where i was with Woman2005B aka woman4. She was a weird pale white awkward nerdy virgin, very innocent. but also kinda bitchy and unpleasant. i felt woman2015 That Woman was innocent and sweet like her, but an improvement because That Woman was MUCH nicer to me. haha.

anyway in the dream she was smuggling heroin or something like that, and then i was smuggling HER with the heroin. and i was worried about getting her K’d, because people were looking for her and her drugs. I stood to profit from the whole deal too. i had fee fees for her and she was being bitchy and difficult. on the whole the dream was pretty scary with threats of death and violence. pretty sure i got separated from her. i think there was the idea she had gotten captured and was being raept and tortured. and i felt classic survivors guilt, like i sold her out so i could survive.

anyway not a pleasant dream at all. i had to force myself to wake up, and i was glad i did, because it was getting pretty bad. then i turned over on my other side and stayed awake for a few mins, then went back to sleep, no more dream.

andrew anglin is on the TRS forum now!!!!! oooo how exciting.

i guess my ideal career would be a Social Worker or a Counselor helping Neet men and virgin men, with neetism, despair, anxiety, rels, women, careers, becoming a normie.

but social workers dont DO That kind of work. they do work with people who are WAY more fooked up, like people who get abused, addicts, borderline, sociopaths, abusers, violent, drunks, poor blacks, felons, etc. people who are REALLY on the fringes of society, yet manage to reproduce, and ruin their children with their fooked up ness.

oh yeah. that woman in 2005, she was bitchy largely because I was a bitch and totally approached her the wrong way. namely by being a sloppy drunken fool who was clearly in luv at first sight with her. and i couldnt just be like hey wanna hang out like a normal person. i already hung out with mutual friends. if i had tried just talking to her directly one on one, i wouldnt have made such a damn fool of myself. when i am in a group, its harder for me to connect with the people individually……even if there is not as much pressure on me to “perform” and “be interesting.”

but yeah no one likes a drunk weirdo throwing themselves at you, im in luvvvvvvvvvvvvvv with youuuuuuu pleaseeeeeeeeee marry me.  just SO desperate.

and see i thought she was the perfect solution to woman2005A, who had dumped me shortly before, and i was heartbroken and hated her. but I found this GREAT woman shortly after! i guess that must be what a “rebound” is like………if i managed to date 2005B, which i didnt. so i was on the rebound, and got rejected by the rebound, hahahaha. downward spiral. shit i think the rebound girl would have been GREAT, she was better and qter than 2005A. if i had successfully “rebounded” with 2005B, that WOULD have probably fixed everything hahaha.

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/54138/how-to-tell-a-client-a-reported-bug-is-not-actually-a-bug-but-something-they

i should read this moar

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/23737/how-can-i-manage-an-in-person-job-interview-when-i-have-social-anxiety?rq=1

fookin successful normies hahaha nonnevergfs

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/55541/how-can-i-handle-a-co-worker-who-is-infatuated-with-me-but-denies-it?rq=1

aaannnnndddd heres the woman shitting everything up again. womaning up the workplace with her drama about all these creepy niceguys at work being infatuated with her and making her uncomfortable. women in the workplace is such a giant horrible clusterfook. woman in a male dominated field. FOOK YOU. get out of the male field hahahaha. believe me, they dont like YOU either. could actually get some work done without bitches in the office starting drama hahahahaha.

http://www.informit.com/articles/article.aspx?p=2133369

good thoughts here…..but how about some stories, examples, scripts.

i am JEALOUS of her that she has better skills at ADULTING than I do. can handle all those angry customers, tell them no, this cant be fixed, no, you cant talk to the manager, i am the manager now, i make 17 dollars an hour. explaining shit, or being like, no i dont need to explain this, it doesnt matter. just being able to work an adult job and live a mature adult life. so did she handle ME like a mature adult, because i was legit being that bad?

its never gonna be fun for anyone, answering those calls. youre ALWAYS gonna be nervous and stressed. but you just Face The Fear and Do It Anyway. and i jealous she has that skill. that she succeeded exactly where I failed ABYSMALLY.

well i have yet another chance to Face The Fear when going in for my interview tomorrow. another baby step. the 27th baby step.

but the thing is, heres the thing.wav, is that you have to be PERFECT in these things. whether its getting a JOB, or getting a WOMAN. ONE strike and youre GONE. there is PROBABLY more leeway once you actually GET the job (but not with the woman, with the woman, its always walking on eggshells, minefield, until you make that first, last, only mistake.)

like my job was HARD AS FOOK, but there was some leeway in there. ways to cut corners. I found out how to cut corners, how to evade calls, how to tack on a few minutes here and there, taking long lunches, long breaks, figuring out what i could get away with, how to play the game.

but yeah GETTING into the job is so hard!

well, getting into THAT job was SO easy.

but yeah it IS discouraging to get rejected again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. and i AM pissed that they couldnt hire me for at least one out of THREE part time jobs at the city. that really irks me. one job i can understand. THREE is just insult to injury. REALLY? I wasnt one of the top THREE?

but yeah its gotten me worried about the OTHER two jobs from last week. I would be ECSTATIC, LIFE CHANGER to get any of those two.

and yeah it sucks that WOMEN can handle “adulting” as the women on reddit call it (really gotta stop reading that shit), but it sucks even more than SHE can handle it. i mean yeah she is pretty much my nemesis hahahaha. it just KILLS me how she can totally succeed where I have failed and throw me away like nothing.

ADD INSULT TO INSULT TO INJURY. that’s like TWO insults on top of injury. BROOTAL. SAVAGE.wav.

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX?!?!?!?!

oct 29

went to store. wanted to find cheapest face wash soap. have very oily face and starting to think that washing it with dial hand soap is just too harsh and may cause it to become more irritated, more oily, just beating the shit out of it. so i found “dial acne face wash” with salicylic acid. give it a try. i do not get terrible acne, but would get occasional small pimples just because the skin was so damn oily. now i dont have a problem with that per se, i know oily skin ages fairly well, so i will have decent looking skin when i am an old senior.

dial acne face wash for like 3.50, 7.5 oz bottle. pretty happy about this one folks.

really prob the best thing i could do is just wash/rinse with plain water, no soap on the face ever. period. and i might indeed go down that road when this bottle of face wash is done.

had a dream that I was face with like a 20 year old attractive nonwhite girl with brownish skin. i was like WELP I’m a white supremacist, but this gurl is being very interested in me, i COULD bang her, shes got a good body, she’s not ugly, i kinda DO want to bang her, just not make sprog mutant godforsaken abomination babies with her. yeah i will bang her good. maybe even 10 times. it will be fun.

now none of the banging happened in the dream of course hahahaha.

damn. your THIRTY FIVE year old wife with two kids wants to open your marriage now. where do these women get off? maybe a 25 year old woman, i wouldnt be so surprised. but youd think by 35, with 2 kids, she would be mature enough, and more aware of her market value, that she would stop with this hypergamous, have your cake and eat it too bullshit. do you really think youre gonna find a better man at age 35? and youre killing your poor husband cuck!

also this kind of open marriage is insulting to actual polyamorists, which i cant believe i am acknowledging!

this is simply a REAL shitty way of making an EXCUSE for, well hubby, i’m bored with you and i want to cheat and I just met a hot exciting sexy new guy i want to cheat with, so lets try an OPEN REL.  BULLSHIT.

how can she NOT SEE that he isnt gonna agree to this? how is it SO HARD for her to see that MOST people WOULD be VERY UPSET by this? youre 35 years old with a successful career and an 8 year old child!!

AND they are both seeing separate counselors, AND a marriage counselor together!!!!!!

and she still cant see that you just dont CONVINCE  (coerce) your husband into an open rel when he doesnt like the idea………..and 99.9% of men wont!!!!!!!!

i mean SHIT. even the polyamorous GUY the cheating whore was dating talked to the husband, could see how much it was hurting the husband, and broke up with the cheating whore hahahahahahahha.

thing is, there are plenty of women who have tons of casual sex and FWB’s……but they still have that moral line about CHEATING, and have never technically CHEATED.  so i am beign unfair to them with my implication that all casual sex nihilists are also cheaters!

well it IS a slippery slope, isnt it???!?!?!?!?!

sheeeeeeeit.

anyway. its very possible i dont care about a womans past, or a womans many beta harem male friends, when the gurl is OBVIOUSLY INTERESTED in spending time with me. its when they start shutting down and distancing themselves from me, and i get heartbroken and want them back but cant have them back, thats when i start complaining about all the guys shes fooked, or all her male friends that shes gonna fook, who are more sexy and exciting and fun than widdle old me.

but if the woman were ACTUALLY WITH ME for more than 3 weeks, yeah, i think i could put things in perspective and be like, welp, she’s clearly choosing to be with me. rather than making me JUMP THRU HOOPS just to buy her dinner once every two months, or MAYBE ill text you if my other plans dont work out.  when they CLEARLY make me a PRIORITY and not an OPTION. when they clearly make me an OPTION thats when i start bitching about their many other options. and especially their Priorities, who i’m butthurt they chose over me!

so yeah i honestly think i have a decent change of not being all insecure and jealous, ONCE a woman actually CHOOSES me as a priority for longer than a month!

i only get jealous AFTER I get rejected in other words. jealous that she rejects me in favor of them. thats less jealousy and just being plain BUTTHURT or sore loser. and its completely understandable! its HARD to be rejected! especially when you KNOW she is out having fun and lavishing that same shit that you enjoyed SO MUCH for 3 weeks, to some other lucky and/or BETTER guy!!!!!!!!!!

and then i think, COME ON, I’m not THAT shitty…………………………………..

……………………………or AM I????????

and then muh confidence is crushed for years hahahaha.

 

come on. shes 31. she should know how to be nicer to a guy when she dumps him. also its pathetic that he is so hung up over a 31 year old past her prime! this B’s longest rel is only 6 months, and she used to get on a plane to fook a guy before she met this beta guy. thats a good show of effort, when the girl is willing to put forth THAT much WORK, to FLY to see you, regularly.

thing is, they CAN show effort. they CAN be nice. you’ve seen them do it before, you’ve experienced them being nice to YOU before! so why cant they even be 1% as nice when they decide to dump you? be like this just isnt working out, its not you its me, youre not a bad guy, youre a great guy, this is my fault, you can blame me, im sorry, im the bad guy here, but yeah its over because youre not a priority for me and im choosing other guys over you, but its just because i dont want to put in the effort, youre not my type, im sorry to string you along and lead you on and give you false hope, you deserve a loyal and loving woman, and thats not me, im sorry, have a good life, heres at least 100 dollars worth of MJ to help you get through this, and here’s a shrink you can email who will act as my surrogate/representative. the end. hahahahahaha.

that might be a good idea too. hire a shrink to open a new email address and then monitor it and relay messages to the woman, and or shut down any “creepiness” with Firm And Direct statements. the shrink could do the email for 15 minutes a week, 4 weeks, for like 50 dollars.

shirnks or social workers have the communication skills that normal people DONT. so you should pay PROFESSIONALS to handle Breakups, in other words!

why do so many normies do things that you really need PROFESSIONALS to do?

why do you need to go to GRADUATE SCHOOL and become a PROFESSIONAL just to have a Human Relationship???????

i smell jooish stench here hahahahaha.

i dont REALLY think you DO need to go to grad school to have a rel, in other words.

well i mean MEN, because women never have to do any work in rels………..and thats FAIR. dont get mad about that.

i have EIGHTEEN full time years of education. shouldnt that be enough to get me 26k a year?

NO!!!!! you arent ENTITLED to anything!!!! you have WORK to IMPROVE yourself!!!!

well thats what I’m SAYING! i DID do a known quantity of work to improve myself: 18 years of education. isnt that GOOD ENOUGH to warrant, to ENTITLE me, to a 26k job?

NO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

you hear stories of people who do millions of first dates but no second dates because the women are so terrible and unattractive. then i think, wow, now THAT WOMAN is one of those forgettable first dates for a number of men. yet i havent forgotten about her!!!!

what was so special about her?

well she was super nice to me and wanted to hang out with me and thought i was cool! that was a big confidence boost, AND she was a real nice person and I thought, hey, I LIKE hanging out with such a nice person! see, women arent all MONSTERS!!!!!!! what a good, nice person! this is exactly the type of person i want in my life! i should hang out with her more!

hehehehehe.

hehehehe id like to meet that dad. yoga pants ARE vulgar and they DO make women look like whores and it IS disappointing!

well him looking at porn is degen of course. but SHE, who doesnt have a problem with porn, has a problem with HIM watching porn because it means hes a hypocrite.

no, it just means he likes jerking off to dirty whores! he just doesnt want his daughter to dress like a dirty whore!

meanwhile she is a successful 25 year old career woman, completely financially independent, oooooo what a SUCCESSFUL, strong independent woman who dont need no man, no husband, no father!

he hates promiscuity yet BENEFITS from it by watching porn!

is he REALLY benefitting?

and is it REALLY promiscuous?

are you saying its BAD to be promiscuous?

are you saying PORN is BAD?

the moron doesnt even know what she’s saying.

”  “Women who wear yoga pants look like sluts.” is not a logical position, it’s an emotional one, and emotions are difficult to change.  ”

OF COURSE ITS A LOGICAL POSITION!!!!!!! YOU CAN SEE THEIR DAMN ASS AND GENITALS AS IF THEY ARE COMPLETELY NAKED AND SHOWING IT OFF TO THE WHOLE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!

and yeah that does make people emotional…….for a logical reason. the root cause is logical.

o come on. you think ALL those religious pray the gay away homophobes are all jerking off to “lesbian porn?”

NOT EVERYBODY FOOKING WATCHES PORN, YOU FOOKING VULGAR DEGEN NIHILISTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not all women haters, not all homophobes, not all religious sex-haters,  not all PEOPLE watch PORN!!!!!

stop ASSUMING everybody watches porn!! THEY DONT !!!!!!!

what kind of degen world do these people live in, where everybody watches porn and that behavior is normal???

these reddit women like to point out they will be SEXUALIZED no matter what kind of clothes they were, that they will be Catcalled if they wear a burka or yoga pants.

i cant help but think this is bullshit. yeah some perverted men will catcall and harass women in burkas, but wearing yoga pants is just gonna get you a LOT MORE attention, plus it shows that you ENJOY that attention. that you are actively ENCOURAGING that attention, not DISCOURAGING that attention, which is what dressing modestly does.

but yeah when you show basically your naked body to strangers, dont be suprised when people approach you like you want to get fooked. dont advertise your damn practically naked body. and get mad when men treat and look at you sexually. idiot.

heh. thats one reason i liked that woman. she NEVER wore yoga pants or anything slutty.

THAT I KNOW OF. what if she dressed like a TOTAL slut when she was out doing her thing.

it doesnt matter!!!!!

ARE THERE ANY WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE CASUAL SEX??????

oct 30

i am very happy with the new dial acne control face wash for managing muh oily face, without drying it out and abusing it.

heh. i just ASSUME the sweet jobs i interviewed for early in the week will not call me back. nope. i still need to pay more dues, do more interviews, 27 is not enough, im not good enough even for a PART TIME job. i would totally take the part time job because its a way to just get used to working and gradually build your confidence. where throwing you to the wolves for 50 hours a week will destroy your confidence and that terrifies me. in make or break situations, i tend to get broken hahahahaha.  in sink or swim, i tend to sink hahahaha.  so why do all working situations need to be sink or swim? because thats what WORK IS. kinda like joining the MARINES hahahahaha.

then how do SO MANY people DO it? who would probably flunk out of the MARINES?

cuz they dont mind lying and bullshitting and giving shitty service to angry customers and saying not my problem, cant help you, you dont have to like it, goodbye.

heh. when i havent found a “good” person, i always worry that i would have “grass is greener” syndrome, and women have certainly seemed to have it with ME, have no problem dumping me for for exciting men. but when i find someone “good,” i am fully committed. all in. and then i get quickly dumped for greener grass hahahahaha and heartborken for 2 years.

they alway mention loveisrespect.org hahahaha. if men acted like that, they would get dumped for being boring doormat pussy omega sissy unmasculine cucks. you have to DOMINATE at least a little bit.

but in my sensitive sissy heart, i LIKE that loveisrespect stuff. i want a women to accept me for my sissy self.

”  YOUR RESULT:
Your Love Language:
👐 Physical Touch
Hugs and kisses are so much better than any present, right? You are hopelessly romantic and could never date or marry someone who doesn’t like to snuggle on the couch or in bed each night. You enjoy holding hands anywhere and everywhere and think there is nothing sweeter than seeing an elderly couple doing the same. You understand that life is short and the best things in life are free!   ”

this is the result of my Love Languages test.

was not expecting this, i expected something more with talking or writing.

well, i do like cuddling, spanning time, hanging out, but i hate sex hahahahaha.

so yeah . take this physical language shit to mean that i take cuddling very seriously. and i do. but i dont need to fook 10 times a week, or right away.

YOU NEED THERAPY hahahahaha

hehhehe a 30 year old guy who keeps getting dumped by a 40 year old woman with kids. WOW thats gotta be rough. you cant even keep a 40 year old woman with kids from dumping you.

never mind a 25 year old woman with no kids and low number!!!!!!!

maybe she can use all the money she makes to buy herself a good man hahahahahahahahahahaha

because a 7/10 25 yo white woman with no kids needs to BUY a man with money hahahahahaha.

so a guy gets drunk and smacks a girl dressed like a slut at a halloween partys ass, and all the harpies on reddit say ITS SEXUAL ASSAULT!!!! RAPEY!!!!!! and i am downvoting them all hahahahaha.

like your BF never got drunk and smacked a girls ass before!

i never did, but i dont see how its the end of the world.

these reddit women, think EVERYTHING is SEXUAL ASSAULT.

oh good luck if you want to be going out with DONALD TRUMP. does he grab women by the pvssy too? donald trump SEXUALLY ASSAULTS WOMEN!!!!!!!

real life women actually believe this!

well real life women will believe anything the Controlled Media tells them……..or a strong dominant man tells them!

you just say, boys will be boys, baby, and then smack her ass and plow her hard hahahahahaha.

anyway. sheeeeeeeit.

how to stay cool under pressure. blacks do it. aint no thang but a chikun wang. ok great. how about some WHITES who are cool under pressure. like AUSTRALIANS. they just say she’ll be all right mate, and continue to bantz each other and call each other cvnts and drink vb’s. nothing BOTHERS or FLUSTERS them.

yep i totally understand those feels even though i have not been in that same situation really, but i have seen women choose other guys after dumping me and i would get mad and jealous cuz i really wanted to spend some more time with them and i felt they ended my “turn” WAYYYYY too soon.

again my horrendous sense of entitlement! im not ENTITLED to be with a woman longer than…..5 dates? 8 dates? however many “dates” we had. i think is a more accurate way of expressing it than 3 weeks or 2 month or whatever. cuz its not like we were hanging out more than once a week, once every 2 weeks. always an uphill battle trying to get them to make time for me.

they were never THAT interested in me! it was VERY casual! i mean really, That Woman, even though were never had Casual (or uncasual) secs, she was WAY more Interested in me, because she was willing to talk to me and hang out with me over a period of several years! when the other women were DONE with me in a matter of 2 months at most!

anyway when i went to the social thing, there were attractive 25 year old women there in the audience. i should have Chit Chatted with them. but thats hard to do when you are an unemployed 35 year old who makes less than 26k a year! 25 year old women make 40k a year!

see this is the type of stuff i shouldnt be writing about, its pointless, its Counter Productive hahahaha. its destructive and negative. writing like this got me into the mess im in now!

but yeah. in other words, i think i COULD be not super insecure about “muh gf” having tons of male friends, having 10+ previous secs partners, AS LONG AS she put in a good faith effort to SHOW me that I was the priority and not them. I never had that before.

oh, i put in a good faith effort, but we were hanging out and drinking, and one thing led to another, and i fell onto his dick, please forgive me hahahahaha.

heh. i probably would, because my expectations are so low: oh i cheated on you, no i dont want your forgiveness, in fact, im just gonna leave you for him right now. insult to injury. cheated and dumped. no remorse.

just because you dump your bf immediately after cheating on him doesnt mean your cheating wasnt cheating!

im not even talking to anyone in particular, im talking to a fictional hypothetical woman doing a hypothetical shitty thing!

shit spirals hahahaahaha.

ok well heres something good. i could easily look up that womans name in google, and see what comes up, or i could look at the front page of her facebook and instagram page, seeing a current photo of her in other words, possibly with new foccbois, possible black hahahaha. i could be looking for her on okcupid (well, i did look at her once long ago on OKC, but never since) or plenty of fish or whatever. but i havent done ANY of this. at the very least, google her name, or look at her FB profile picture. but no. i have not done any of that! give me a reward! hahahahaha.

in SOME states you can get medical MJ card for anxiety. maybe even depression. actually no.

https://www.leafly.com/news/health/qualifying-conditions-for-medical-marijuana-by-state

cant tell.

anyway. GIVE ME A CHANCE. give me a chance to show that i wont get too jealous or controlling about your male friends. show me that you like me MORE than all your male friends and wont give up on me after a few weeks! and maybe i wouldnt be so goddam suspicious about womens male friends! sheeeeeeeeeeit.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/09/this-is-what-is-really-wrong-with-casual-sex/

 

http://www.debate.org/opinions/is-casual-sex-wrong

heh

https://www.thetrumpet.com/article/7750.24.131.0/society/the-emotional-corrosion-of-casual-sex?preview

religious source though but still very valid article hehehehe

i just want a woman who takes sex SERIOUSLY and who does NOT like casual sex! is that so much to ask? women SHOULD take sex seriously, they can get fooking pregnant! but many of them have a CASUAL attitude towards ABORTION as well!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!!!!!

and then these DISGUSTING ANIMALS go on to have successful careers, and then they have longterm rels, get married, have children, all the things i want to do!!!!!!!!1

i shouldnt have to google “why is casual sex wrong” to find the PERFECT argument so i can CONVINCE a woman not to have casual sex!!!!!!

and then everything near the top is like cosmo and jezebel and thebustle and womens magazines talking about how fun casual sex is and how all women should experiment with a casual sex phase in their 20s. have fun! sow your wild oats!

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW.

and when you sow degenerate wild oats…….uhhh you get degenerate wild oats years later. its NOT A GOOD THING.

maybe i would be different f i had a casual sex wild oats period and had fooked 10 women, but i havent, and so it is what it is! you dont have to LIKE it!

 

so jealous of this guy who has massive emo and abandonment issues and will never get a woman…………………………………….. BUT AT LEAST HE MAKES GREAT MONEY and he doesnt seem in danger of losing or quitting his job.

well…..actually he IS very anxious about his job, has big anxiety in general. probably GAD hahahaha.

oct 31

i just hate being put in positions where i have to CONVINCE and EXPLAIN things that are VERY confusing and that I dont understand, to frustrated people. yes, I SWEAR I cannot fix this, your manager has to fix this. so he said to call us? well he’s wrong, we can’t fix this, he has to fix this. he’s not doing his job. so you called us and we fixed it 3 months ago? hmm. do you have the case number hahahahaha. oh you dont then we cant help you. we have no record of that. no im not calling you a liar. im just saying we have no record of your call. no you cant speak to my manager. he’ll tell you the same thing. that your manager is wrong and that if your manager has any questions, he should speak to HIS manager. oh his manager said that WE have to fix this? well they’re BOTH wrong. have your managers manager speak to HIS manager. no they cant speak to my manager. NOBODY can speak to my manager! where are these policies written down? they’re NOT, because they change every day. we have no record of any policies. the policies are always changing and as of right now, the policy is that we dont fix it. no we dont have that in writing. it is what it is. you dont have to like it. you dont like it? find a new job. your customers dont like it? we dont want their money, they can find a new provider. oh thats a known issue. it will be fixed in a future software update. no timeline. hopefully soon, but cant make any promises or speculation. so your customers waiting? then ask your manager to approve a discount, or they can go somewhere else.

this kind of bullshit just both frustrates me and makes me panic. i mean what do you SAY in these difficult situations? similarly i dont want to do something where I regularly have to give really bad news. like no we are not covering this prescription for your cancer ridden mother, why, well because my manager said so, no you cant speak to them, they are unavailable. good luck watching your mother die! is there anything else i can HELP YOU WITH today?

that kind of bullshit. where i want to be straight with people but i dont have the info and i dont have the help. at those points i will gladly throw my superiors under the bus to show sympathy for the customer/caller.

also you cant say that you stayed and worked off the clock to be more efficient with your time, because no manager is going to Officially Approve of you working off the clock. because what if you hurt yourself at the workplace, but off the clock?

well then maybe they would have a legal case saying YOU SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN THERE, so they are not gonna pay for your treatment.

but yeah, you shouldnt admit to staying off the clock to finish your work. i guess this doesnt apply to exempt salary jobs, when you are technically on the clock all your life. we dont punch a clock here.

anyway youre just telling the manager that you dont work quickly and efficiently enough, that you need extra time (ie extra money) and that you arent as good as employees that get all their work done in the time allotted. youre SLOW.

i mean still stay after you punch out and do work for free so you can suck up and try to look good, but you just cant brag about it as a way to help you get the job.

i mean i already candy coat shit and try to sell myself as some confident miracle worker who is really good at explaining confusing shit to angry customers.

you can say that when you go home you study work related material in your free time so you can do your job more efficiently. that’s less sketchy than staying around after punchout to “do extra work for free”. so i do say that i do a lot of studying on my free time.

well how do i explain that i didnt want to go to GRAD SCHOOL. you just dont simply dont want to go to grad school. should i say i applied and was rejected? then you look like a loser failure. you got rejected from grad school, why shouldnt you get rejected from jobs?

and i didnt even get rejected from grad school, i simply didnt apply, because i didnt really want to go! and also i felt that i WOULD get rejected because i didnt have enough good references or undergrad research/honors/thesis/internship experience!

ok applied to 3 jobs. no chance. 1 fedgov job (32k), 2 state jobs (34k, 39k). i mean i wish i could just bring up a list of 32k jobs, shit 26k jobs, and just apply for those. but less than half of jobs tell you what the pay is, unless its a govt job like these.

ok 4th job. local auto dealer. accounting clerk. sheeeeeeeeit.

i get more angry and hateful when i am more productive hahaha. i just hate everyone and everything. all these normie morons who can get and keep jobs but i cant. what the fook do they WANT from me? so yeah even though its good to be productive to do job apps……is it really good if i am kinda half assing them, tyring to go as fast as possible, in 14 minutes per, plug and play the right “variables”, etc, go through the motions, feel some anger, these phaggots, these sluts, these normies, i just want to make 26k a year and smoke MJ every day hahahahaha, maybe fook some 25 year old sluts, and evangelize to them to luv their race and never mudshark again.

cluster c personality disorders. including avoidant personality disorder which i probably have. heh. i remember when i was 20 i was like OH GOD i hope i dont have a personality disorder, that would REALLY suck.

yeah well i prob only had garden variety anxiety back then………NOW i have a full blown personality disorder hahahaha. all because i was too cowardly to go see a shrink at age 20.

yeah well i started seeing a shrink at age 26, maybe 25………thats not too bad eh?????

its really not, hahahaha. good for me!!! hahahaha.

the idito bitches in reddit think that MUH EDUCATIONNNNNNN is the answer to everything. as if two short years and 200 measly dollars in tuition will suddenly skyroket you from 13 an hour to 15 an hour HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

some good covers on here! but would like to hear more “covers” of stuff from his latest two ambient albums, which i think he could have spent a LITTLE more time and effort on hahahahaha to make them SOUND BETTER.

 

heheh the flipside of what happened to me. he is confused and a little upset sure but he doesnt GHOST her. he is confused and doesnt know what to do, but he doesnt want to block her from his life without any explanation.

great response:

”   ]acox1701 7 points 4 hours ago
It would probably help if you have another conversation with her- after you sort through your feelings and what you want.
A million times this.
Not responding to her at once is not a dick move, unless OP literally said nothing. It’s bound to be upsetting, but one cannot reasonably be expected to react to such a thing on zero notice.
OP, figure out your shit, and sit her down. Negotiate things. Ask her if it’s hurting her to be around you, and then trust her answer. Tell her that if she changes her mind, to let you know.
Negotiate your friendship like an international arms treaty. That sounds odd, but a lot of relationships, romantic or otherwise are based on a vast number of underlying assumptions, and this relationship has just had all of those swept away. You and she need to reestablish them, together, so that you can continue.
Important topics to bring up:
Does she expect you to return her affection? Does she want you to?
Do you want to return her affection? Would you be willing to explore it, or are you unwilling to take the risks that would entail for your current social scene?
Do you need to spend a few months separate from each other? Could you quietly communicate before events so one or the other stays home from some or all things? Can you both be respectful of the other’s occasional need to stay home, or request the other stay home? Can you both be cool about it?
You are going to want to avoid teasing, touching, or flirting with her. Make sure she knows this, and is aware that you’re trying to not cause her any inner turmoil, or false hope, or similar. She may insist that she’s OK with it. (I’d rather be teased by my crush, with no hope of it going anywhere, than to be ignored, but I’m a sad, pathetic little man)
All things on the table. Talk it out, then you can both get on with your lives.   ”

heheheh. saving that in case i ever get feelings for a friend again, so i can print that out, give it to them, and say, lets talk about THESE THINGS.

i would give the guy REDDIT GOLD if reddit was worth supporting hahahaha.

ok finally applied to 5th job, that is enough for today hahaha.

it was tricky, since problems with router again hehehe. or wireless card. have to restart computer just to get the wireless connection back. i dont know if the problem is in the wireless card or in the router. cant be determined. cant be fixed. sorry. is there anything else i can help you with today?

i dont know what to tell you, and no you cant speak to a more experienced person. no, you cant speak to the person i am getting advice from. hes not even in my office. he is scheduled to be in a chat room for the next 4 hours. also he’s never wrong, his judgement is INFALLIBLE.

yeah i admit his job is not fun either. having to stay in this chat room and give advice to the squealing piggies, the level 1s. but its better than being the level 1’s on the phone with the customers who dont know what theyre doing!

i dont know what to tell you. other than i can do nothing, i cant transfer you to someone better, and hopefully this problem goes away on its own.

heh. i never thought that going on DISABILITY would ever be a realistic thing hahahahaha.

i dont want to be disabled! i just want to work like a normie and not SNAP!!!!!!

applied for 6th job, that was a little excruciating hehehe. but it only t0ok 23 minutes with an average of 14 hehehe.

i mean its hard not to be perfectionistic, when you have to be PERFECT to have any success!

or you cant mentally check out at your job becuase your quality will slip because your job takes perfect concentration and intense skill! so you cant not have measurably bad quality when you are having a bad day! because the worse your mood is, the worse your work is, and your supervisors immediately notice that you are not longer performing at the minimum!!!!

how do you GET AWAY with half assing your work, in other words?

 

oh this BEAUTIFUL young man! he is in college and everyone is having casual sex, but he is not interested, he thinks sex is something SPECIAL!!!!!!!!

OH YOURE ADORABLE.

the sad thing is that there ARE wimmin in uni that really DO want a rel, and DONT like casual secs. and i totally fooked it up and didnt TRY hard enough to find them !!!!!!!

applied for unheard of 7th job. at a fairly well known company. choice employer, like top tier shit that i have no chance of getting an interview. so why even apply. waste 13 minutes applying. well maybe 30 minutes and i could have tailored the shit REAL nice. but i didnt.

i mean underachieving losers dont get jobs at GOOD companies, they get jobs at BAD companies, if they get jobs at all.

might go to fatness club today for first time in months.

 

well this is kinda a big deal, the first release from deathspell omega in 4 years. kewl cover tho bro. hopefully its not all wankish spaghetti and jerking off hahahahahah. hasjarl decides he’s tired of making 200k a year with his donald trump real estate business, and probably having rels with solid 8/10’s, to make music like its 2005 again hahahahaha.  i have not listened to this yet, yeah i will give it a proper listen i guess. i mean why not. i like mikko aspa hahahahahaha. synarchy of molten bones, what does that even MEAN. i bet they just have a damn drum machine. there is no mystique hahahahaha. [citation needed hahahaha]

im just jelly that hasjarl can make good money at a normie job. i am jelly of any musician who does that. you get to be successful at work OR music, not BOTH. pick one AND ONLY ONE.

like these stupid musicians that get phds, or they have good jobs. i bet thats the reason dso never tours, is that he’s got a good job but its not so good that he can get weeks off at a time to play shows.

no i really have no idea. i do hope the album isnt a goddamn noisy overtechnical mess hahahahaha. how about some riffs and and melodies and not 600000000000000000 wanky bits slapped together. i thought that stuff was kewl when i was 25 hahahahaha but not anymore. so write riffs like you were 20 years old again, mannnnnn. and let mikko turn you into a nationalist. and let me make mikko into a HUHWHYTE nationalist hahahahaha.

no that really is a pretty good cover art tho.

but satan satan satan oooh orthodox esoteric satanism whoooooooo spoooooopy hahahahaha. who cares. he knows his shtick has gotten old hahahahahaha.

no i dont know why i am such an asshole to him hahahaha. prob just jelly. that he’s a normie nonvirgin nonnevergf AND he makes very influential music and he can get mikko to hang out with him. actually i BET mikko just stays in finland and records his vocals in his own “studio” and sends them to DSO aka “hasjarl.”

I DONT TRUST ANYONE WHOS NOT A NEVERGF. THESE NONNEVERGF NORMIES!!!!!!!!

I HATE NONVIRGINS AND NONNEVERGFS hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

and EVERYONE is either a nonnevergf or especially a nonvirgin!

well technically even I am a nonvirgin hahahaha. so i got that going for me hahaha.

6 jobs in 1 day, havent applied to a job in 10 days hahahaha. although i did have 3 interviews in that time, MOTHER FOOKER hahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeit found rare ass FT job at big local employer. they have like 3 FT jobs a year, a ridic low number considering the number of employees and customers. used to work an easy job here for years. would LOVE to get another easy PT job just as kinda training wheels for me right now…….but i cant even get a PT job there yet. interviewed for  3 PT jobs there, turned down each time, have 4th pt job interview there this week. getting FT job there would be RIDICULOUS. to think i had a bigass chance at that TWO YEARS AGO. i remember talking about it with that woman. she said ohhh i really hope you get it. i really wanted to get it too!

took half dose of nyquil.

so, 8 jobs today. that is ridic damn good. not my highest ever but close. certainly a relative high, because i am lucky to get 4 done on one day. and havent done ONE in TEN days hehehehe. like a lazy NGR hahahahaha.

but yeah the job was open for like 2 weeks and it closes in 2 days and i was frustrated because this was the first i was seeing it because there is no way to get damn email alerts for these jobs. you either check the companies jobs sites or YOUR SCREWED. these jobs do NOT show up on indeed. ive set up indeed alerts for this company and get NOTHING.

well i bet they do that intentionally, to not get 9000000000000000000000000000000000000 applicants. not like you need the best of the best to do this 33k job. but i see that and i am like THIS IS PERFECT, get instant hardon. get a WAY bigger hardon for a 33k job than a 34k, 35k, or 40k job. closer to 26k, the better of a chance i have!

so yeah i applied for that the instant i saw it.

also cannot find the job on careerbuilder OR monster. ONLY the goddam company website itself.

heh. this is EXACTLY the type of job they would promise to some pt slob on the inside, but they HAVE To post it because rules. well….i shouldnt say pt slob, becuase the the pt slob deserves this job.

but i am a little butthurt that i worked there pt for FIVE YEARS and couldnt get an FT job there. just because i was an idiot who didnt PUSH hard enough.

and then when i PUSHED with that woman, i totally blew that.

i just dont know when to push and when not to push!

well shit. if i got another pt job there, i would PUSH alot harder! but getting a pt job there is not easy either!

weird thing is, i would get emails about jobs when i was a pt there………..but i dont remember many ft jobs that werent on the website. which was like 2 a year hahahaha.

so i shoulda PUSHED the HR department, and been like, put me on The List. Get me in The Pool. talk to my manager if you need approval.

they dont want to have alerts for their jobs, because that means more resumes to read!!!!!!!

and you are gonna find a good enough candidate whether you read 100 resumes or 1000. so that the Marginal value of reading one more resume drastically drops off after like # 100. what is that number? might even be #70 hahaha.

i tell you its NOT 1000!!!!!!!!

closer to 100 than it is to 1000!!!!!!

i mean this org does not have a ton of employees from muh university…..because the assholes from muh university go to much more presitigous places and wouldnt be caught dead working here!!!!

WHEN YOU SEND MESSAGES THEY DIDNT CONSENT TO RECEIVING, ITS LITERALLY RAEP

sheeeeeeeeit

sept 20

meet with shrink today for first time in over a month, should be entertaining hahahaha.

reddit. if youre upset about being dumped, then youre automatically CONTROLLING and ABUSIVE and immature. werent you ever upset about being dumped? also i think that YES you ARE a little bit on the hook for your Ex Partners feelings at the end of the rel. its not a goddamn get out of jail free card. its not a waive all your responsibilities card.

BREAKUPS INVOLVE RESPONSIBILITIES TOO. thats what reddit and apparently 50% of women dont seem to understand hahahaha.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/09/20/the-daily-shoah-103-vice-shitty-stories/

wewlad, daily shoah gets a VICE reporter on the show, then within hours the TDS soundcloud is shut down (again!). apparently its a 20 year old gurl with valley gurl vocal fry hahahahaha oh man dis gon be gud.

also bulbasaur is back and this is legit a big deal, hope he stays back.

anyway i basically just hate the feeling of not being able to HANDLE anything. go to a job and not know what to do, bullshit your way through things, deal with bitches bitching at you all day, just surviving one day at a time on the edge. you just want to come home and smoke big fat b0wl until you are blazed as fook, and then immed go to bed. but you cant because you dont have a source for MJ and you cant do drugs in front of your family, plus you shouldnt be doing drugs anyway hahahahaha.

but i also think it really HELPS when you have a stressful job you are just trying to survive one day at a time. helps you Switch Off after a horrible day, and also to slow down and get some rest for another horrible day tomorrow.  more effective than just about anything else. lack of hangover. the next best thing obviously is exercising STRENUOUSLY till exhaustion. cant do that EVERY DAY though.

well, one day you could cardio strenuously, then the next day LIFT strenuously. there you go.

applied for job at ticketmaster. maybe eddie vedder can call me up and bitch at me hahahahahahahahaha.  that fooking phaggot. he couldnt HANDLE working a DAY at ticketmaster. the 424th job.

i guess 500 is a lot nicer, rounder number than 400 eh?

yeah i am digging this bell witch pretty well. maybe i just really like that cover art hahahaha.  anyway they have no guitar just bass and honestly i couldnt really tell cuz doom usually tunes their guitars so low that it almost doesnt matter hahaha.

this is a 28 year old woman. he’s my best friend and we are looking forward to an AWESOME FUTURE with NO KIDS and LOTS OF CATS.

of COURSHE, REDDIT sees nothing wrong with this whatsoever. totally valid lifestyle choice.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

because KIDS are SO UNCOOL and CATS are AWESOME. RAWR!!!! KIDS are LAME and prevent you from achieving success in your CAREER, making a difference with nonwhite children in africa and arabia, and from TRAVELING.  this is normal stuff for a 28 year old childless woman to be thinking. because they are not going to have fertility problems in the next 5 to 10 years or anything.

sheeeeeeit rejected by ticketmaster SAME DAY as applying. THANK YOU!!!!!!!

and this is with my New Cover Letter Now With Brief Getting Out In Front Of the Issue Explanation of Gap!

i was thinking, every man should have a female friend or acquaintance that he gets to Cuddle With on the Regular. like once every 2 weeks at least. it would not be a Dating or Secsual or Monogamous Rel of course. well, of course the guy would probably fall in luv with the gurls. so the gurl should have the training to manager that inevitability, because i believe if it were managed well, the pros could outweigh the cons.

but then its a slippery slope to degeneracy like fook buddies and all that degen.

but cuddling isnt degen at all!

yeah but you shouldnt do it with just anybody and be a damn no strings attached cuddle slut…..should you?

because if you cuddle with a cuddle buddy, aren’t you increasingly likely to get feelings for them? yes. same as if you fook them.

but casual cuddling is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY less DEGEN than casual fooking. better for your soul.

had pretty uneventful meeting with shrink. just vocalizing my somewhat growing discouragement with job search, etc. things i might try doing differently, like focusing more on “low hanging fruit” like part time jobs and the god damn temp agency, etc.

listened to first hour of new daily shoah where they gangraep cutesy female journalist. i mean she sounds like a college idiot even though shes gotta be like 28 or 30 years old with a Professional Career since at least 2007 with atlantic, vice, maybe msnbc. i bet she went to a good college, maybe even ivy. theres no reason for her to talk like this unless she is coming in bad faith. they talk about the issue of bad faith. it takes 20 minutes before the good talk gets going. she starts with coy bad faith questions about pepe and the guys are very tight lipped because they see right through the shit.

really i think they should do this more often, and have it be just mike enoch vs the journalist, so it doesnt seem like they are ganging up on the poor widdle gurl.

ok heres the one they did a few weeks ago with the gawker journalist, i will listen to that one next

i have NEVER been good at debating my enemies, sheeeeeeit i cant even debate my leftist FRIENDS. when they start saying something leftist, i just keep my mouth shut. if i were as strong and sharp and quick on my feet as mike enoch, damn that guy is good. i might actually have a chance at challenging my friends preconceived notions.

well, im sure you go easier on your friends. just chip away slowly and make little chinks in the armor, then sit back and let them question themselves. that is what i would like to do. but if you get a damn enemy like a vice journalist, of course you want to DEMOLISH them.

and i want to see more of these kind of debates.

well i dont really want to listen to the MW / Sargon debate. Although I think MW has gotten more ballsy since then. No, I want to hear Tuff Guy Mike Enoch DESTROY LEFTISTS.

sept 21

sheeeeeeit. so i ran into this guy i used to work with at this auto related store today. he told me a bunch of people went to work at this one company that did not surprise me, i knew a few went there, turns out it was more than a few. he said they paid 18 an hour. he interviewed for them but did not get the job. i said sheeeeit thats some bullshit, fook them, whatever man, forget about it.

he let slip that That Person was working at this Company which I wont name but now I know the name of it and I wont apply there hahahaha. i think he said she interviewed at the same company he did and also did not get the job, and some people he felt shouldnt get that job, got it. i THINK he said she interviewed but did not get it. if so, i was happy about that, because he is smarter than her, and if he didnt get the job, she shouldnt get the job. also she doesnt come across as very strong or sharp or smart. but i guess she got something. not 18 an hour though. prob not.

he has no idea my history with her and i didnt ask about her, he mentioned her just as he was rattling off people we used to work with.

he mentioned some of my favorite people from the job, and they were being “bums” not working. me too i said, hahahaha. i actually talked to this guy pretty well, like a total normie. well we got along fairly well, i think i liked him more than he liked me tho hahahaha.  well whatever. he’s got kids to raise and he is a busy guy so i just chalk it up to that. plus he is nonwhite so, whatever. he is not a bad guy though! he deserves a 18 dollar an hour job too!

also i dont think he fooked That Woman. well who knows. maybe she fooked everybody. he did not seem too interested in her tho. also she was not a huge slut when i knew her. i have this fantasy narrative where she became a huge slut the moment she dumped me hahahaha.

well now i know the name of her company so i know not to apply there. and i am not tempted to look her name up to find any info about her. not that i have. i have NOT. but now i might look up the company and see how much her position pays hahahaha. something having to do with documents and forms.

was driving home late last night and had awful feeling, why is the car pulling this much, whats that sound, whys this feel so weird, oh shit, do i have a flat tire, and turns out yes yes i definitely do. instant panic hahahaha.

ive actually never successfully changed a flat tire as shameful as that is.

well i carefully drove to a gas station about half a mile away and tried putting some air in the tire. didnt seem to help at all. not sure i was putting the air in right though.

called fam to let them know what was going on. i was scared and helpless and weak hehehehe so shameful and pathetic. plus they might have insurance that has roadside service.

anyway the fam came out but they didnt really NEED to, because i managed to figure out the complicated procedure of jacking the car up, removing the bad tire, and putting on the spare tire. then putting some air in the spare tire, and driving carefully home.

so that was actually kind of empowering and confidence building. i was always worried i would put the tire on wrong, or jack the car up wrong, put the jack in the wrong place, not put the tire on right, the tire would come fully off while i was driving, etc. but no, everythign went very well. and now i just feel bad about making the fam come out there and get worried. was like 8 miles from home. didnt want them to think i was in jail for drunk driving or smething. i have not drank in 7 years!!!!!

i had always said one day i would practice jacking up car and replacing the tire, just so i could do it quickly and confidently when needed. but i never got around to it hahahaha.

but i managed to pretty much do it yesterday. it was kinda slow but i eventually made progress. next time i could do it a lot faster.

it was like oh shit am i doing this right, am i screwing up the car, i dont know what this is supposed to be like, and then ultimately everything worked out. kinda like my job hahahaha.

but its one thing when you are responsible for yourself, vs taking the responsibility for someone ELSE and THEIR problem. like me trying to tell another person how to change their tyre, when I had never done it myself.

so yeah if i had to do it again, i would be a lot less nervous. well assuming i had the correct tools and a properly inflated spare tyre hehehe.

but yeah it was not quick. it was closer to 60 minutes than 30 minutes. if you know what youre doing you could prob do it in under 20.

had dream last night featuring woman#….3? i cant even. no i think it was woman4. from 2005. she was a prudish innocent asexual type gurl, i liked her Secsual Innocence and total lack of sluttishness. but yeah she was not interested in me and i came on too strong hahaha. but she was a decent choice i think, would have made a good gf if she were willing. which she werent hahaha. i would have totally monog trad dated her for 2 years. shared firsts with her hahahaha.

anyway in the dream she was being nice to me and cuddling with me, possibly some making out. and that felt really good. smiling and gazing at me and cuddling and making out and touching, nothing too degen though. so that was pleasant.

so it was nice to feel those feels for someone who was not That Woman.

Sheeeeeit, i’ll take a Previous Woman from 11 years go, over That Woman, ANYDAY!!!!!!

anyway the guy i talked to told me His Price. His Going Rate. he wont take a job for less than this amount. it is a pretty respectable number, a little high, but it’s good to think highly of yourself hahahahaha. and he is worth it. hell were ALL WORTH it, its just, can you GET it.

the number was higher than 15 an hour hehehe. and certainly higher than 12-13 an hour like i am aiming for now.

i dont know why that big company didnt hire him. he is a pretty normie guy and pretty smart and why the hell wouldnt they want a smart nonwhite.  maybe the guy seems laid back or stoned or something? but he doesnt smoke MJ, at least not regularly! he’s just kinda laid back. which is GOOD! i dont get it. do you have to be electrifying?

i mean yeah i try to present as more energetic and electrifying, but just come across as nervous and anxious and virginy hahahaha.

great fun listening to death panel destroy the widdle gurl journalist. i mean she sounds like such a retarded idiot. you cant even have a productive conversation with these people hahaha. i look forward to listening to the male gawker journo they had on a month ago. maybe he can actually not sound like a 13 year old moron gurl.  its amazing this woman can make good money and i struggle to get a 12 an hour job!

yeah ghoul is autistic and these conversations should really be mike enoch and the person alone, cuz once mike pins them down, he can deal the finishing blow, but with all the other 5 guys sperging out, it allows the journo to squirm away and dodge questions like a sneaky little J.

it was funny to hear seventh son snap and get angry, he is usually very chill. but hes like shut the fook up you god damn liar.

so yeah i hope this becomes a regular thing and that mike e can structure it a little better. take the good suggestions of the commenters. i havent even looked at the forum yet but supposedly there is pretty good proof that it was This Woman Reporter who got TRS soundcloud shut down.

well she makes money because of her jooish boifran. well hes just a damn journalist too!

but he comes from a family of jooish doctors. monay.

hehehe the people at trs do their due diligence.

also she used to be married to a white guy who was a military guy AND a leftist who fabricated stories of military being abusive to iraqis for the new republic in 2007. he recanted his story and she gained a reputation as being very lazy on fact checking. theory that she is only still working because she dumped the white guy and started fooking a pure joo journalist.

not sure where she went to skool. georgetown?

nope university of missouri columbia, journalism, 2005.

ok, that is the same thing as MU aka mizzou.

she possibly met her lying leftist x husbando there. not sure. dont really care.

but yeah the grilling on TDS could have gone a lot better by having a more intimate convo with k1ke enoch, maybe he could play nice for the first 20 minutes, lure her in, then trap them like a rat.

but of course i understand that you should show this vermin no respect.

i guess i just cant help white knighting for white gurls. i sadly would probably bang her 6/10 fetal alcohol syndrome, 34 year old, hipster problem glasses wearing, body, vocal fry, leftist, lying.

im just curious to see what happens after this. like what kind of article is she gonna write. i mean she was made to look like an IDIOT. that cant be good for her story.

i wanted funeral doom, why dont i just go with a trusted name here, and not just listen to the first song only, hahahahaha. i hear the third song is also pretty good.

interesting seeing that guy from the job. he was on my good list so i didnt mind talking to him. realize i hadnt seen him in over a year. 14+ months. WOW.

cant help but think of That Woman and how i am a just a small insignificant part of her Distant Past, and she should be the same to me, but she’s not!

but she’s moved on, new job, 14 months, def new cox, maybe some new lovers that she can fall in luv with, new friends she can be interested in, new life, new everything.

tho i am sorta glad she wasnt BRIGHT enough to get that 18 an hour job all the other people got. because she really is not a very sharp thinker in the technical field. she just is more emotionally mature and disciplined than me hahahaha. she is more mature than me hahahaha yet she cant send 1 text to end a 3 year rel. i am less mature than that apparently hahahahahaha.

but yeah i couldnt help but think of her when i saw this guy. bringing back memories of the awful job from so long ago. yet i cant get over HER. i cant really get over that job either hahaha. this man i talked to didnt hate it nearly as much as i did. he was very chill and laid back and could roll with the punches very well. i wish i could do that.

yeah i totally understand why she could throw a person away. it just hurts a LOTTTTTT and I guess I dont understand why she couldnt send a messanger to just say sorry for the way this all went down, have a good life. that would have helped a lot. couldn’t you care enough to do that?

maybe by the time she thought of doing that, some time had already passed, and she figured it would be like ripping open an old wound again. which makes sense.  i can understand that.

but she BLOCKED ME, which says DONT CONTACT ME. I DONT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. I WONT LISTEN TO YOU. WHEN YOU CONTACT ME, THAT’S AGAINST MY CONSENT, AND MAKES YOU THE BAD GUY.

so sending messages that will get blocked makes you the bad guy, becuase they didnt CONSENT to receiving those messages. its LITERALLY RAPE hahahahahaha.

heh. the amount of dollars per hour you make is like your LEVEL.

are you a loser making 11 dollars an hour?

or are you a huge winner making 18 dollars an hour?

its “ONLY” 7 dollars. but that 7 dollars makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE in the world between a loser and a winner. thats 14k a year between big loser and big winner. hmmm.

22k a year vs 36k a year.

i think savage.wav comes from the michael savage show and not necssarily devil may cry. just a thought.

referrinf to the sweet audio drop on the fatherland haha

im honestly not this ADD. this is just mental multitasking, i have to have two trains of unrelated thought going at all times. i blame the job really. with all the damn CASES that we did.

plus im jealous of how SHE used to work on 3 or 4 or 5 cases AT THE SAME TIME. she was a better multitasker than me.

but was she ultimately more effective? or efficient? i dont think so.

btw if i havent made this clear, multitasking is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT and anyone who says its a good thing, you should punch them repeatedly in the face.

multitasking is a jooish lie, scam, myth, farce, lies, bullshit.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-non-business-students-shouldnt-take-business-dimitri-bianco-frm

real controversial title here!  and i did not watch the video so…..i guess its some young MSc who got a sweet 100k job for what he went to graduate skool for, and he is complaining about Grad students taking Business classes because they want to work “in industry” as opposed to……didnt watch the video. in industry as opposed to academia, government, nonprofits, public sector i guess?  and they think taking a marketing class will somehow make them more hirable? but it really doesnt? and they should just get into a better grad program instead? but why are you in grad skool if its not a good one? because people will just go to grad skool. not even joking. but how could just about any MSc degree be “worthless?”

because some degrees that seem worthwhile are worthless. like a phoenix MBA hahahahaha. but thats a business degree.

well, like maybe if you get a “general” library or education masters degree. or social work. i guess biology is shitty too.

heh. this is why i avoid graduate skool. why i avoided it for 10 years. i would rather try to survive in the real world. and i havent figured out how to do that yet! apparently by being able to be calm and make decisions and bullshitting in Tough Situations!

heres the TDS with the vice gurl, it hadnt been uploaded to youtube yet yesterday hehe

i mean it was kinda a trainwreck and could have been a lot better, but it was still very entertaining and illustrative. and cant stop listening. but it still could have been better. like yeah actually talk about the JQ for an hour. but she’s not gonna come back, she’s prob the one who reported TDS to soundcloud. she wont come back to have a more productive discussion.

basically there was a lot of wasting time of people interrupting, her being an idiot, some of the guys being autistic. something more focused with just mike and the reporter, talking in depth about one issue, like the JQ or White Privilege or Housing or Immigration or Punching Down or Systemic Racism. pick one and only one. yeah i know its hard when theres all these good interrelated topics. but you cant give them any place to run to, any chance to change the subject.

anyway yeah it started getting good near the end of the interview. it took 2 hours to start really getting good.

 

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION

sept 14

i dont WANT an EXPLANATION of WHY, I already know WHY, that’s nothing. I jsut wanted to be treated nicer, like a human being, like i mattered, like our Rel mattered, like it was an important rel between two human beings. sheeeeeit i already know WHY. the WHY is not important. I just wanted more kindness and gentleness and less ice coldness hahahaha. treat me and our Past Rel with DIGNITY.

i dont are about why. i already KNOW why. case closed. i just wanted to know what she was thinking regarding hurting me. did you really WANT to HURT me? and WHY was THAT?

other thing: besides being humiliated on a personal level, i felt humiliated on a woring level: i failed at this job, while she succeeded at the same job. She could handle it, I couldn’t. She’s moving up, I’m moving down. I cant handle REAL LIFE as good as her. She is a winner, i am a loser, and losers like me dont deserve to associate with winners like her. and maybe thats why she rejected me so brutally on a personal level. because i was just inferior scum in every conceivable way. i was like the slimiest, most scheming little sleazy greasy joo to her.

and i think abotu how women Botch Relationships and Emotioanlly Overreact (I screwed up TOO but she screwed up WAY more), and I think, how the hell can women do JOBS and make 13 dollars an hour??? you need to make GOOD decisions! you need to have a record of excellence! you need to communicate clearly and decisively! women cant do this shit! they are like a 50 foot baby with a flamethrower! how can they be mature enough to handle a 13 an hour job, LET ALONE a 20 dollar an hour job??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

she never made flashcards! she never looked at old cases! she never studied when she went home! she never did homework! yet i failed and she succeeded! I wanted to know how shit worked, she just said idk lol! and got a man to help her! and she is the winner and i am the loser at life! FOOK THAT SHIT!!!! FOOK THIS GAY EARTH.mov

maybe i should embrace hating women like i embracing being a racist.

so i thought, well i dont even HATE other races, i just dont think races can coexist all that well. but women of my own race annoy the shit out of me just as much or even more than people of other races!

and this is not good, i thought. it jsut doesnt feel like something natural or sustainable the way being a racist feels pretty natural. i dont really WANT To hate women in other words.

also, for a man like me who wants so much to be a father and have children…..i dont think its a good idea for a Good Father to HATE WOMEN!!!!!!!

Good Fathers don’t hate women, they get along with women and teach their children how to get along with women!

so yeah in order to level up to pull good women, i need to learn how to deal with low level trash women on okcupid hahahaha.

i guess muh goals in life were never specific enough. find a nice gf. that became find a nice gf and make her muh waifu. as i got older. then that became have children with the waifu. and also get a 13 dollar an hour job with benefits and weekends off that doesnt drive me crazy. that is all.

maybe GOD is not calling me to be a father though. or even to be married. some people are called to be SINGLE 4 LYFE. Its just very weird though. cuz some of my biggest goals were to be married, have children. now GOD is telling me that i’m WRONG??!?!?! these arent horrible ungodly things! GOD LUVS marriage and family and so do I!!!!!!

but maybe  this is not what GOD has meant for me and my life. which is frustrating, because, like i just said, god LUVS marriage and family!

so i thought that well, maybe i’m supposed to be single and childless and I can still support marriage and family by…..doing marriage and family related work. it just seems frustrating though. that all these people can get married, have families and children, some of them are totally shitty too. and i’m meant to SUPPORT families, but i’m not allowed to have a family myself? it sounds CRUEL and SADISTIC!!!! like TORTURE!!!!! God doesnt just TEST us, he TORTURES us!!!!!!!! why the hell CANT I have a family?

well, besides I am totally not ready for it. but i really should be at this age. I mean realistically i have too many ISSUES to be a husband and father. unfortunately. but its the truth.

also, i want to know if i did something terrible, SO I DONT DO IT AGAIN IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

i dont want to fook things up this bad again!!!!!!

but again thats an unknown. most likely i didnt do anything horribly wrong, like lie or cheat where i really AM the bad guy at fault. sometimes that shit DOES happen. sometimes it IS your fault.  sometimes you ARE the bad guy.

it would have almost been better if she said YOUR THE BAD GUY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

heh. maybe.

i hate making mistakes, but i might hate NOT KNOWING if i made a mistake or not even MORE!

i mean if i ever get feelings for a friend again, i WILL handle it differently, namely, tell them assertively and quickly.

oh yeah. when women think “ALL GUYS LOOK AT PORN.”

WRONG! so yeah that is triggering. they havent met me yet! I dont look at porn because it is jooish filth that ruins women and men! poisons the mind and soul!!!! i actively do NOT watch porno and can’t imagine wanting to watch it EVER AGAIN!!!!!! its DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!

applied for 5th job today. army related job. administering asvab tests hahahaha. 15 an hour. found out it was casual/intermittent, meaning no benefits. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit. thats the whole reason to get a fedgov job!

well i did not see that until i was 80% done with the grueling 16 minute application hahahaha.

NOTE: the first time you apply for a USAJOBS job, it will take MUCH longer to build your superresume, get all your shit together etc.

all guys do not look at porn, just the manly men you date hahahahaha

omega male sex negative neets think porn is disgusting degeneracy hahahahaha but we are invisible to women so…..

Women SHOULD be CAUTIOUS, they can get PREGNANT!!!!!

BE MORE CAUTIOUS! SHOW MORE CAUTION! DISCRETION!

how can someone with the maturity level of a CHILD make an ABOVE AVERAGE INCOME???? make WAY MORE THAN ME?

also it sucks when they are much more mature with other people, and super immature with you.

then you wonder, what did I do, so I don’t do it again!

but what you did was not super duper offensive, but just basic bitch communication mistakes.

besides, if you are doing something SUPER wrong, like lying or cheating…….you usually KNOW it, and you think, welp, I can GET AWAY with this, they’ll never find out. nothing like that here.

TEN dollar an hour job where posting calls for EIGHTY wpm typing. i have 60.

EIGHTY words a minute for TEN dollars an hour. 

wtf?

113 people applied, so i should apply too hehehehe.

i have a great SUPPORT SYSTEM, so why the hell am i so insecure and unstable and struggling and on the edge?

i have to remember, i dont hate all women. this woman i see at my weekly game, she is very nice and good and i like her and she doesnt annoy me. when i first met her, she kind of annoyed me a little but now i totally appreciate and like her. too bad i am not in luv with her hahahaha. i really didnt have any of that interest in her. not a slut either. darn near asexual which was starting to become weird…..but in the past few years she met a good decent man and they are getting married. pretty much a perfect situation there. he is pretty masculine and not a niceguy wimp pvssy like me, but i get the idea that he has morals and was not a degen womanizer at any point.

separate website for FBI jobs, they are not posted on USAJOBS………i dont think.

ok applied for gs05, 32k level job with air force. it specialist hahahahaha. now this is more like it. there are some fedgov bennies hahahaha. however no specific openings at my local air force base. might never be an opening hhehehe.

ok 6 jobs for today hehehe good enough.

well 7 would be better but i am getting back on the horse. i mean SHEEEEEEEIT, i might have to get to 600 jobs. at 600 i will start sucking dicks for recruiters until i become blacklisted by every recruiter in town. there are a lot of recruiters in town! sometimes it seems there are more recruiters than nonrecruiters hahahaha.

anyway im saying it would take MANY YEARS for me to burn through every recruiter in town.

but yeah it bothers me that a person can be more successful than me yet be a lot more immature than me…..and i am pretty immature.

also, i was the one putting myself out there. she wasnt really putting herself out there at all. she COULD HAVE. in the sense that it would have took some agency and initiative to Respond to the Request, and say Listen, I’m Not Interested, Let’s End this in a good way.

but no she just shut down entirely.

i did not shut down entirely regarding HER.

i did kinda shut down regarding my job and my life.

but its impossible to communicate or deal with a person who SHUTS DOWN.

basically, she shut down, I didnt. I was begging her not to shut down.

yeah, i shouldnt have BEGGED…….but jeez. if someone is begging you, just humor them. i dunno. ive never had anyone BEG me before. I imagine i would write them an email hahahahha.

SHE SHUT DOWN, I DIDNT.

you cant do anything with someone who shuts down. cant communicate, cant make the best of a bad situation. shutting down is abotu the worst communication there is. i did bad communication but not this bad. i didnt shut down.

how can SHE make more money than me and be more successful at life than me???!?!?!?!?!

and in relships too. she had a 4 year relship that could have resulted in marriage. i have never had a long term monog committed rel with a woman, ever.  that in itself is a damn red flag to women, and i have to damn lie about it essentially, or just avoid talking about it.

but i also feel like i havent been given a fair CHANCE. give me a CHANCE and dont GIVE UP and WALK OUT on me. im not THAT bad!!!!!!!! i honestly believe that! im not perfect but im not THAT bad!!!!!!!

i dont SHUT DOWN. I’ll write you a longass email before I shut down. Or leave you a 5 minute voice mail of me rambling. i will tell you whats on my mind in great detail!!!!!!!!! look at this blog!!!!!!

http://www.theabsolute.net/misogyny/onwomen.html

dont look for a redpilled woman, you wont find a decent one. just find a nice decent wholesome woman who has not taken too many dix and you can make her redpilled.

i have known this for a while, i am very comfortable being the red pill person hahahaha. just want a wholesome, moral, decent, nice, woman, thats all.

fook politics, fook redpills, fook race, fook music, fook taste, fook coolness. dont sweat the small stuff hehehe.

she will prove her race loyalty simply by not being interested in fooking nonwhites. and OF COURSE she WILL say something like “but Im not racist, i swear!” im not so autistic any more that I want a woman to say “yes Im proud to be a racist!” for a woman, thats just WEIRD!!!!!!!!!!! for a man, its pretty cool tho.

its very similar to when i was young, i thought it would be so cool to find a waifu who liked METAL. now im smart enough to know that would be a fooking clusterfook. it would be similar to find a full on 1488 waifu. they would prob be bipolar, borderline, and fooking ingras in 6 months.

note: i don’t think That Woman was Over the line crazy like that. she was acceptable levels of normie female crazy. she just greatly disappointed me is all. she is still way less evil than average. a good person who did something very disappointing to me. shit i would take her back in an instant hahahahaha.

i mean women are just not good at making real world judgments and doing things in the real world. yet they make shitloads more money at jobs in the real world. when they have no real SKILL in the real world! i mean when it comes to SERIOUS shit in the real world,  you’d be a fool to trust a woman! they jsut dont have it! and i dont say that to be mean! its just the way it is! its just not a good match for them! their skill set is elsewhere! namely, raising children. and heres the thing, that can of course be extremely compromised as well. in the current year. so many times it appears that many women are good for absolutely NOTHING.

i mean many women in the real world are literally good for absolutely nothing. its sad and horrifying and it didnt have to be that way.

and that woman, she was not one of those worthless women. like i say, i hurts a lot more to be rejected by the good, decent women. those are the ones that take longest to get over. because something of great value was lost. as opposed to something of no value. or negative value hahahaha.

i guess i should meditate on this real life woman i know who is not a piece of garbage, but actually a decent, good, wholesome, moral person. nope she is not redpilled, nope she is not politically minded, yes she likes the worst music and tv shows and movies ever.  but she has good morals, has lived according to those morals, and would make a good wife and mother. perfect. i am not attracted to her but i wish I were. well actually not, because she is getting married and good for them i say. its about time. really she’s getting married a little late at like age 29 or 30, but better late than never in her case.

so whenever i think of That Woman, i should replace her with thoughts of This Woman. Yes.

and i dont think even if you cut muh balls off it would even help. my secsual libido is not the problem. its loving people who are gone, unavailable, and never luved me.

ok want to get in at least 2 applications before my afternoon powerwalk hahaha.

ok got in 3 but they were so low energy. local shitty hospital using ultipro ATS. it kinda incentivizes low energy applications. 3 to 5 minutes each. can only have one resume/packet on there at a time. ideally this is ideal, and employers wouldnt care if you only took 3 minutes on an app vs 30 minutes. but of course they do. and if you spend only 3 minutes, you will get screened out.

yeah tv is really triggering. i usually have it on as background noise……..but i really SHOULDNT. this is not a value added strategy hahahaha.

got 3 apps in real quick. the jobs.com site said full time but 2 were ACTUALLY part time. i dont think this is intentional. i think it is just basic incompetence from whoever manages the jobs.com postings. basic bitch not knowing how to do your job so you just Fudge It and pretend like you know what youre doing…..even though you have no idea of best practices. this is very common. this is the norm hahahaha. norm 4 normies. normies gonna norm hahahahaha.

ok time for powerwalk.

ok did 4.18 mile pwalk. listened to azzmador talking with grandpa lampshades.

ok this isnt the exact one but i should listen to this one.

they are both total laid back southern gentlemen, i have difficulty telling them apart hahahaa except azzmador has a slightly deeper voice. but i love this laid back, polite, friendly, southern hospitality.

very j00 wise alt right type guys who each do their own podcasts but not on trs. but i am sure they approve of trs. they are not renegade tier or anything hahahahaha.

heh. if i am going to have children i cant afford, i might as well do that with some woman i am madly in luv with and would never want to leave hahahaha. of course she could veyr well want to leave me!

because honestly i cant EVER imagine being ABLE to afford children!

heh. i could probably smoke MJ all day, then take the next 2 days off, and then my system would be clear to pass a drugs test. thats pretty good right?

ok how about 3 days.

really the best think i can do is powerwalking hahaha. i wish i was as good about lifting. but powerwalking is my strength, muh skill set, and i want to be the best powerwalker i can be hahaha.

the other thing i naturally do is writing this trash……………… and tbh the powerwalking is a lot BETTER FOR ME.

the writing CAN be good SOMETIMES but it can EASILY go both ways.

the walking cannot. the walking is ALWAYS good. cant go wrong. win win.

these women are NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. the horrible lives they lead. the empty, shallow relationships. the things they value. MORAL INVERSION. NIHILISTIC and SOCIOPATHIC. treating people like OBJECTS.

i have been antsy since not having an interview is a while. and i am at 18.5 and i need to get to at LEAST 25. meaning 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and 24 are all gonna be worthless. other than getting me one closer to magic 25.

but 25 isnt magic! like i say, on the whole, i feel i do PRETTY GOOD on interviews! i mean i dont SLAM DUNK it, but i still feel i do well enough to get an offer before 25!

bridget jones baby? a 50 year old slut with tons of grotesque plastic surgery creating a miserable innocent life out of her 50 year old adolescent sluttery? absolutely disgusting! if i didnt have the tv on i would never have seen that bullshit movie commercial!

women cannot give good advice basically. if you ever need HELP with figuring something out, god forbid you go to a woman. they might mean well, but my god they cannot give good advice. they MIGHT mean well though. that does count for something. but dear god dont take their awful advice. what makes /r/relships so shitty is all the WOMEN chiming in with their shitty advice. i need a MEN ONLY forum. but not necessarily a MGTOW or got forbid GAME forum. but 99% of Men Only forums are going to be MGTOW, MRA, or Game.

well, not TRS though. but TRS doesn’t have a relationship section. but they should hahahahaha.

MAYBE I SHOULD START IT hahahahaha.

I think it would go over better than me starting a Neet Section.

but I DO like having a Neet Blog which is very Alt Right!

like women will tell you that college and career is more important than a rel, and encourage people to break up just because theyre YOUNG and those early relships NEVER work out, you have a chance for a great FUTURE by getting into a Top 50 school, so just break up with so and so even though u luv them. bullshit advice like that.

women are so BLUE PILL on things like college. they were encouraging another woman who had left a 45k a year job so she could go back to COLLEGE and become a TEACHER. holy SHIT.  thats exactly the kind of bad advice women give. because you’ll be so glad you got your teaching degree and now make 20k a year with part time sub jobs and no health care. babysitting feral black chirren.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52xouc/recently_my_girlfriend_20_f_and_i_19_m_of_25/

not a lot of commentary right now. but i want more people to say yeah she is really an ice cold bitch, not “it doesnt matter, youre not entitled to anything.” no, of course he’s not, but IT WOULD BE NICE if she could DIGNIFY A 3 YEAR RELSHIP by not meeting these sleazy new friends, staying up till 6 am, going on tinder right in front of him. show some COURTESY for the HEART you are breaking and the Long Term Relationship you are Single Handedly Ending, I would tell her.

dont tell him “its over, get over it.”

yes of COURSE he should go no contact but give him some moral support at least. damn. judge her behavior as shitty and sleazy!!!!!!! judge her as the bad guy here!!!!!! because she is!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont talk too much shit about That Woman. Sometimes sure. but not overall. most of this is just me grieving and moaning and whining. but i can’t say what a shitty person she was…….because she wasnt. she was honestly a good decent wholesome person who just dropped the ball here and disappointed me greatly. but it wasnt because she was a shitty, horrible person. she just fight or flight and shut down. she could be a great wife and mother to a different man.

ok i turned off the tv and am listening to beethovens 1st symphony. not sure why. just wanted some classical music symphony fast. something that wasnt too jooish. and that is a symphony.

she doesnt NEED to consider your feelings. again, technically correct, but to tell the guy that…..that is weak womanly advice. no, she doesnt need to, but she SHOULD, after 2-3 YEARS, show him some god damn COMMON COURTESY.

COMMON COURTESY IS A REASONABLE EXPECTATION.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/52wdvu/i_31m_am_having_an_extremely_hard_time_moving_on/

she wants to be just friends, he thinks he needs to go no contact and cant do just friends because she broke up with him and he still wants her. he sees her at bar, is drunk, gets emotional, now he’s the bad guy. come on. meanwhile she’s tweeting about fooking strangers off tinder. god damn. so he’s supposed to be cool with the love of his life dumping him and fooking randos. and hes the bad guy for getting upset once. come on.

COMMON COURTESY from the woman is a reasonable expectation. not tweeting about EVIL DEGENERATE NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATHIC casual secs and being a filthy, degenerate whore. he has every right to be upset. yes he should go no contact.

so yeah. whatever happened to common courtesy. human decency. early termination fee. treat the person youre dumping with respect and kindness because THIS HURTS THEM.

casual secs IS unqualifiably degenerate, and she wants to throw away something good and wholesome, to do degenerate filth. of course he has a right to be upset.

at the very least she shouldn’t be pushing him to be friends, to understand that he is hurt, and needs no contact.

what did SHE do when Chad dumped her? probably some really shameful things trying to get chad back! and then fooked a bunch of casuals when chad laughed in her face!

now she’s pissed at the guy SHE dumped because he’s having a hard time with it? what a fookin coont!!!!!

and when this bitch on reddit says yeah you did act like an asshole, he responded with yeah i know i feel so bad about it, i know i should apologize to her etc etc. i downvoted the bitch hahaha.

common courtesy. human decency. part of the social contract of having a relship is NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END THE REL.

HAVING THE RIGHT TO SINGLE HANDEDLY END THE REL SHOULD COME WITH THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NOT BEING A PIECE OF SHIT WHEN YOU END IT. 

so many women didnt get that memo. too immature.

and i dont care if i am making a should statement. THIS SHOULD BE A SHOULD STATEMENT!!!!!

STAND FOR SOMETHING OR YOU WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING.

STAND UP FOR WHATS RIGHT, GOOD, JUST, TRUE, AND BEAUTIFUL.

DONT BE A PIECE OF SHIT.

DONT BE A NIHILISTIC SOCIOPATH.

DONT BE A JOO.

now that is the type of lecturing i can support!

i would be a great lecturer. sermonizer.

oh but they broke up 4 months ago so everybody should be KEWL, thats plenty of time to get comfortable with the love of your life dumping you, without willing to work on it, and fook randoms, and youre the bad guy to get upset at that and not want to be her platonic friend and hear about her degen secs life. god damn fooking degenerates. i am this close to private messaging the guy and telling him he is totally in the right and not to listen to that bitch that said “he definitely fooked up”. fook that bitch!

RELATIONSHIP BILL OF RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES.

you HAVE to include the Ending Terms in their too.

THE ENDING IS PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

so yeah it IS her concern, it IS her business. if she can end it on her whim, then she has to put forth good faith, good will, and effort to do the WORK necessary to end it at her whim. and that involves human decency, common courtesy, and not being a piece of shit. wow. i guess if you ask for that, then you are the bad guy.

you’re the bad guy if you think casual secs is degenerate and bad and a terrible way to finish off a beautiful LTR.

cuz its all the same, theres no good or bad or right or wrong.

and this is 30 year old people with professional careers, level 2 and above making 60k a year, saying all this disgusting shit.

FOOK THIS GAY EARTH!

and she has NO IDEA why the guy is upset! unbelievable! a 29 year old woman with the maturity of a 12 year old and she makes more money than i ever will!!!! unbelieveable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED!!!

DUMP PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED!!!!!

how can all these WOMEN not even BEGIN to understand that????!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

no not all women. but a good 50% of them hahahahaha.

half of them are in this basket of deplorables hahahahahaha

its amazing you have to shout these Things I Learned In Kindergarten to Grown Fooking Women.

well remember its not all women. only HALF of women, hahaha.

oh but the ending isnt part of the relationship, these sneaky little j’s claim. i dont have ANY responsibilities the second i say “im done” and walk out.

that is an extremely JOOISH view of humanity and human relations. all these sneaky little loopholes, just like a joo trying to joo you out of service. sorry goy thats not in the contract. here’s the thing, there is no real contract. no exchanges, no refunds, no service, thanks for the money, chump!

theyve turned our women into sneaky little joos!!!!!!

i dont want to talk to women, i dont want to read womens stupid thoughts. the only time i will listen to a woman is if she is being NICE and PLEASANT. women CAN be good at that when they want to be. having just utterly harmless, charming, nice small talk, just being damn NICE. its really not that hard. doesnt take a lot of effort, energy, or creativity. just be nice. dont be an annoying, unscrupulous joo.

sept 2016: i keep hearing hearsay that millennial woes got a ladyfriend and that it is makign him more confident and masculine. I HOPE SO!!! GOOD FOR YOU LAD!!!!!!

I luv MW but havent listened to him lately cuz i dont luv the hangouts. anyway i would be VERY happy if he got a nondegen waifu, he DESERVES a good waifu, and indeed it would help him become an even better man…..as waifus can potentially do. shit it would help ME!

sept 16

yeah so i dont care that mw had a gay past, except that it makes him kinda neurotic and despairing and has consequences for his current mental/emo health, but he can certainly mitigate those consequences, and i believe he has done that. now i just hope his gf isnt a degen bitch who dumps him and breaks his heart because that could really set him back. i know. hahahahaha. remember he also fell in luv with a WOMAN before and when she rejected him, that broke his heart for YEARS and that hurt him a LOT. ive been there hahahaha.

i mean yeah this is what i am obsessed with. muh white whale. muh wheelhouse. relships between men and women. period. that is what i should do my career in. period.

so funny. for most normies this is just an accepted part of life. you get a gf and bang and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt, but you just keep going until at age 25 you find someone you could probably marry and then you marry them, have children, and maybe they divorce you in 5-10 years.

but theres no need to study and obsess and analyze because you know you have the tools to be in a serious LTR because you’ve been in them before or you’re in one now!

since i have never been, i just don’t know that i have the Tools. and that is part of my obsession, studying How Women Are, and How Men Are, and the nuts and bolts of communication, problem solving etc.

when REALLY, i probably ALREADY HAVE the Tools i need, i just havent found the right woman. who is willing to let me use those tools hahaha.  because they were never WILLING. they were not OPEN, they just wanted to WALK AWAY. because they Just Werent That Into Me. but it they WERE, then I would have the Tools and the Communication Skills to make it last at least a year!

but yeah these normie women are like ROBOTS. date a guy, fook him, fall in “luv”, get some abortions, fall out of luv, dump him, and IMMEDIATELY start the whole process again with a new guy. it sounds both EXHAUSTING and DISGUSTING. how can you do that? how can people be so interchangeable to you? how can this “closeness” be so casual and meaningless????!!?!?! its NIHILISTIC AND SOCIOPATHIC!!!! and exhausting and disgusting hahaha and grotesque and horrifying, very blackpill.

but maybe IM the fooked up one because i take this shit too SERIOUSLY!!!!! and when i get heartbroken it takes TWO YEARS to get over them! whereas with NORMIES it takes 2 months before they are fooking other degens!

hehehehe i luv muh waifus literally TWELVE TIMES more than normie degen women luv their men!!!!!

but yeah it makes me think that normie degens incl half of women just dont Luv People the same way I do. or at least at much less of an intensity. And when the difference in Degree is Twelvefold, it may as well be a difference in Kind!!!! a different kind of luv!!!!!!!!

and how do you have a real sustainable LTR when you luv them TWELVE TIMES more than they luv you??!?!?!

that gives them absolute power over you and spells IMMINENT DOOM for the rel. period. they WILL leave you and you WILL be devastated for the next 2 years. what a terrible way to LIVE hahahaha.

basically i need to find another WEIRDO whos luv meter is turned way up to 12 in order to have a lasting thing where i dont get dumped because a huge interest mismatch!!!!

heh all this is not productive writing at all. it is pretty much a nonstop circle of Negative Thoughts. and i need to Rip Out negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, by any means necessary.

even at the expense of Truth!

like how i should replace all thoughts of That Woman with This Other Woman I know who is very very nice and wholesome and is getting married soon. just cut and paste. i should also cut and paste with some sort of positive replacement to the negative thoughts that FILL this blog.

powerwalking is good.

well, not ALL of this post is bad!

WHEN I AM MAKING SERMONIZING STATEMENTS LIKE THIS, those are usually pretty good. even the righteous anger ones. there is nothing inherently negative about righteous anger!

despair, however, yes. that is INHERENTLY BAD.

righteous anger good. despair bad.

so, when i am going into despair or other negative realm, then switch it with something positive: thinking of this wholesome woman, statements of righteous anger, powerwalking, or something productive like Job Searching. cranking out the Apps. getting closer to 500-600. how about 550 hahahahahaha.

job apps themselves cause both righteous anger (good) and despair (bad.) i guess the solution there is, once again, maximize the good and minimize the bad.

turn the brain from a negative thought machine, to a negative thought killing machine!!!!!

so here is a remaster of ulvers classic nattens madrigal. i dont usually like remasters and i dont have anything against the intentionally raw production of the original, which is really not that bad………BUT my concern is literally for hearing and ear health. you could literally damage your hearing with this album, even though it is actually very clear in terms of being able to comprehend and ingest the music. and is quite listenable!

but that high end is just so maxed out that it hurts the ear. i feel this 2014 remaster might be a bit more forgiving while jsut as listenable.

its also got demo versions of some of the tracks which is great. the demos sound great EXCEPT they dont have any vocals, and garm was truly a gifted BM singer.

it just sucks thinking that all of your life goals:  getting a good waifu, having children, and having a job to support that family that doesnt drive you to self-destructive madness, that all these goals are out of your reach. the best you can hope for is a 12 dollar an hour deadend job and then you get your outside-of-work satisfaction by smoking MJ, powerwalking, listening to podcasts and music, and dnating to 1488 causes. which are not bad things, well probably the MJ is, but you just cant stop thinking about the nice waifu and the family you want to have, but youre just too old and fooked up to be able to attain that.

ok stop those are despairing thoughts, lets replace them with righteous anger or job seraching or powerwalking or other positive thoughts or actions.

well i just came back from a 4.2 miles powewalk. listened to natt’s alcoholocaust ep 1 which wasnt as good as i expected. its just a mess and i cant even understand the bantz. i mean these are all good guys but still.

garm was 20 years old when they did nattens madrigal damn. now did he actually write the guitar riffs and such? i mean that is pretty important to me hahahaha. or was it that guy haavard who went on to do nothing special afterwards? i am sure garm knows how to handle a guitar, its really not hard, the important thing is having some sense of songwriting skill, which i never really had, and which i am sure he does.

ok i am gonna apply to this health system job, and while doing so, update my cover letter, which will add about 15 minutes or 10 to the apply time, but i have to measure this WORK somehow. because it is important, measureable, billable, measureable, timeable work that I am totally entitled to COUNT.

un fooking believeable. a super huge application, already at 45 minutes, longest ever, doing a phaggy ass personality test and intelligence test, when the internet goes out in the middle of the test. i am actually happy to do intelligence tests to prove that i am intelligent, and if it gives me like a 1 in 10 chance of getting an interview (as opposed to the usual 1 in 25 chance)….but god damn this is frustrating.

had to reboot compt to get internet connected again. i blame windows 10. 77 minutes total. a new record!

ok. assuming 15% of the job application time could be added to calculated how much time it takes to FIND the jobs (ie, going through lists, reading postings, and decided yes i should apply, vs, no way, dont even waste your time), in other words, about 2 minutes for every 13 minute application, ie 15 minutes total; and 1.5 hours spent on each interview (prob a little low tbh; we are including travel time, interview time, and im not sure about prep/study time), for 18.5 interviews, and 418 applications, we are up to  132 hours total for the entire job search. really a little LOW tbh fam. on $1716 worth of time at $13 an hor, although more realistically my price should be more like 12 an hour.

sorry i meant 419 jobs so far. please dont fire me.

so i was listening to the am grey podcast on feminism, and adams waifu said she was disturbed seeing a man and a woman holding hands where the womans hand was on top, and they used that as a powerful symbol that men are passive and not leading anymore.

i thought DAMN, the women I’ve been associated with would just DUMP ME before even GETTING to that point!!!!!

they wouldnt stick around long enough to LET that happen! they would have ALREADY dumped me for being a wimpy passive spineless doormat!

so why are these women not just walking out on these men? wouldn’t they get disgusted the first time they put their hand on top, and say, im done with you, you weak wimp?

that was what i was asking. i have been dumped for MUCH LESS. why are these women staying with these phaggots in the first place?

i cant even remember how i held hands with women, its been like 11 years since i held hands with a woman hahahaha.

saw a profile picture on soundcloud of somebody who photoshopped dat boi into the famous vietnam photo of the running people being napalmed and the little naked girl. dat boi had replaced the naked girl.

ok finally found it

2016-09-16_20h39_22

YOURE WELCOME hahahahaha

updated Standard Cover Letter with Sentence explaining Employment Gap. ok there. not much more I can do about that. But I think its a small, maybe larger than small, improvement on something that was already damn good and should be more than enough to get me a 13 an hour job.

ok i swear i wont go lower than 12 an hour hahahaha.  so i guess i am at 12-13 now depending on my mood hahahaha.

good thing SHE is making like 16 an hour!

but i dont know that!

but there’s a 75% chance she is!

ok so what does it MATTER then?

because like i said 100000000000000000 times, i dont like her BEATING me at the game of life!

why not?

because i hate her proving she is BETTER than me.  because it adds INSULT TO INJURY.

why?

because she injured me, now she is insulting me.

why?

see now we are getting into the circular part.

yeah i know THEORETICALLY it doesnt matter.

but IN THE REAL WORLD, it ABSOLUTELY DOES MATTER how much money people make, and how women view men who make less money than they do. they view them as totally worthless and inferior.

i dont view people in those terms. but im not a woman. im not PROGRAMMED to care about status in that way!

i mean as a male i do care about ranking and hierarchy………but not in that same visceral sexual or loving way. i know what peoples status is In The Real World, but I know it has no real bearing on their worth as a person.

but it has VERY REAL BEARING on their worth in the MATING MARKET!!!!!!!!1

and the mating market is VERY important to me because one of my MAIN LIFE GOALS is to find  a good wife and have CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

so thats WHY all this shit MATTERS so much!!!!!!!

i am apparently an abuser because i notice slutty behavior and call sluts sluts. thats what abusers do. nonabusers dont have the word slut in their vocabulary hahahaha.

THE TIME HAS COME WHERE I/YOU NEED TO MEET NEW WOMEN

for sat april 15

now: sept 6 2016

sept 7 2016

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

yeah i have been physically not too great, mentally/emo not too great either since coming back from muh “vacation.” hehehehe. when I got back I promptly went to bed for 16 hours. the next day I was still tired and had aches and pains all over the body. i had done some lifting and carrying of stuff but it really didnt seem bad enough to produce such soreness!

also had annoying borderline water faucet colon which i usually only get in the morning after drinking a lot of coffee too fast, but here it lasted all day and that was very annoying. couldnt even enjoy a nice powerwalk without thinking im gonna shart muh pants.

have been getting sharper “carpal tunnel” pains lately. this has been going on for at least a year but the last couple days its been more noticeable. it is honestly probably enough to get me a medical MJ recommendation for “chronic pain”!!!!! not even joking.

was taking pepto bismol which usually helps with the watery #2’s, but didnt seem to help much yesterday. at the end of the day was very tired. not just low energy, but darn exhausted, even though i hadn’t done anything. slept pretty well again but could have slept longer if i hadnt forced self.

yassss got new shoes from zappos, they seem to fit well. i mean my current shoes are just terrible. they are SO worn down, but really all on one side, so the shoes are very lopsided and diagonal and that cant be good for the foot.  i mean i should have upgraded these shoes months ago. i hope i havent done permanent damage hahahaha. basically i am an overpronator and the outside of the shoe gets worn down much much much more.

but yeah i just felt like i was 80 years old hahahaha.

THANK GOD for the new shoes though. this is my typical thing though. wait way too long to replace stuff that should be replaced. or get haircut. or clothes.

honestly cant stop pooping. this is ridiculous.

new shoes feel gr8! that is awesome. very good. THANK GOD. because this is a privilege most people dont have. buying new shoes when they need them.

yeah so i wore the shoes and took a 3.2 mile walk and the shoes were great.

388 days since i sent her the last contact. i figure 400 days is a nice round number. nicer than 365. but a YEAR is a nice round period of time. why arent years 400 days hahahaha.

422 days since i last talked to her, abotu 419 days since i last SAW her.

theres a thought that I should address Muh Egregious Red Flag Employment Gap in muh cover letter. I am open to doing this.

fdfdfgfg

hg

hgh

ghghghgh

ok. gave this one a try because i liked the cover art hahahaha. wanted to see how the production and songwriting compares to “ashes against the grain.” there seems to be more blasting in a blatant black metal style on Marrow of the spirit, so, I like that. now the SOUND on MOTS is really interesting. I think I like it, it’s definitely provocative so yeah that’s good. the drums sound a little weird and the guitars sound very “warm” and fuzzy. the whole thing sounds rawer and more underproduced than I was expecting, not in a bad way of course.

it sounds like they intentionally tried to make their sound more “raw” or “live” or “organic”, and in theory, I am always in support of this.

heh. finally applied for job. 30k county job. i prefer to apply for the 26k county jobs, but i have gotten interviewed for a 42k county job!

i want to work for you because you have a MF day shift, weekends off, no overtime, 37.5 hour work week, and bennies. so its a good fit for me because i dont handle stress or pressure well hahahahahaha. or customers. thats why i have to be high on xanax all day at work hahahahahaha.

no obviously i don’t actually often USE benzos. i brought 3 valiums with me to our little vacation, and i completely FORGOT about them. sheeeeit. they may have come in handy when i was freaking out because of the MJ! which is the entire reason I brought the valium!!!!!

i am very close to the cusp of focusing hardcore on temp/staffing agencies. recruiters for temp jobs.

because the only people that will “take a chance” on such a RISKY person as me, are the absolutely bottom of the barrel shittiest jobs that will hire ANYONE……or MAYBE jobs where the job contract is limited. temporary. finite. temp. if the person sucks, they will be gone soon.

also if i go a week without an interview, the confidence def goes down. as you get 2 or 3 rejection emails a day hahahaha.

heh. if i got rejected by WOMEN like this, I would have even less confidence hahahaha.

or maybe i just wouldnt care and would bullshit the things i am supposed to bullshit to get women to spread for muh dick hahahahahaha. maybe it would actually be EASIER.

yeah that sounds woman hating, but You Women really DO give it up to easily and don’t have the appropriate RESPECT for SECS, like your biological role in secs. I dont NEED to have as much respect for secs, because men just dump sperm. the costs and risks and responsibilities are much higher for women. RESPECT that.

ok forced my way thru 2 applications. again i am getting discouraged here so i am not applying to “reach” stuff with muh dream orgs unless they are fairly low paying…..and of course these jobs skew towards high paying.

unbelievable. company sending a pdf for me to complete…..but its not an editable pdf. they literally want me to print it out, fill it out by hand, then scan it, then send THAT pdf back. this is a fairly big company where that shit is blatantly embarrassing.

so instead I am converting the pdf to a jpg and trying to edit it in paint. not working so well. with the text boxes and shit.

this is truly a very good album!

it took me basically the whole album just to fill out that shit. using pixlr to add text boxes, rasterize, and draw little circles. unbelievable. they are looking for skills in VISIO and PROJECT which i technically have hahaha yet their goddam Talent Acquisition Team can’t make a pdf editable. absolutely disgraceful. See, I would volunteer my personal time after work to make the pdf editable so they wouldnt have to pay me for that work.

plus i get to show extreme ingenuity and cleverness and problem solving with this pdf to jpg, pixlr, jpg to pdf nonsense, hahahaha. sending them back a pdf that was 8 times larger in size than the one they sent me hahahaha.

because they couldnt do any of this with plain text, saying, answer all of these questions in your reply email. nooooooo that would be too easy.

or god forbid have something in the taleo applicant tracking system THEY ALREADY HAVE AND USE.

but yeah. then they wanted me to explain in the REPLY EMAIL any Gaps in the past 7 years, and also all Reasons For Separation in the past 7 years. I guess I should be glad they didnt ask for 20 years!

but this implies they are gonna read the email……so why demand the shitty, shitty pdf as well?

just to make shit more difficult and weed out the weak.

so I will be PISSED if this doesnt result in an interview.

i added an extra 20 minutes to the spreadsheet for the amount of time it took to apply for this job.

thinking SEARS might be a better place than jcpenneys for me hahahaha.

just looking for t-shirts that have like STRIPES or patterns or some shit, that is not a damn “graphic tee.”

something that is more interesting than just a solid color t shirt, which is what i usually wear, but that is kinda boring!

interesting. what gets me most worked about That Woman is not really thoughts of her spending time and being nice to other men, and loving them and cuddling with them, but really the more x rated stuff, like her sucking dick, fooking her, her sitting on their face and them licking her asshole, hahahahahahahaha. banging her from behind, banging her from the front, tongue in the mouth, her sighing and breathing heavy and getting juice all over. that real porno stuff, which isnt even all porno stuff, but actual real life secs stuff. that is what gets me angery.

that is the sort of stuff that gets me all hot and bothered!

anyway of course i should not be thinking about it at all.

but yeah i have no interest in other women. occasionally i will see a young qt i want to bang but not super often. and i would STILL want to bang HER moar!!!!!!

stupid shit really.

basically i cant ever imagine WANTING another woman as much as her, and also that i will never STOP wanting her!

i mean yeah it has gotten better. and yeah i DID eventually stop wanting those other women. it just took like 2 years hahahaha. and it hasnt been 2 years with this woman yet.

just no interest in women other than to maybe opportunistically bang unmarriageable sluts. great. and never fully exorcise the memory of HER. because I always got along with HER best, we had the most special best connection.

yeah well if it was so good, how come she couldnt even send me a damn text message and just say awwwww im sorry ok now im blocking you sorry.

or have her family or our mutual friend send that message to me for her.

but yeah that connection! even if it was just for me. how am I ever gonna feel that way about someone else ever again? and that is what I WANT to feel for muh wife, the mother of muh children!

yeah it def was the worst heartbreak.

the OBVIOUS ANSWER to how do i forget about HER is……….MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!!! THE TIME HAS COME where I NEED to MEET NEW WOMEN!!!!!!!!

of coursh I have never ever really liked meeting new people. it is not fun. men or women.

some people, normies and chads, actually LIKE meeting new people and think its FUN.

i have no interest in meeting people unless its a young woman and they are qt and seem NICE.

how hard is it to be nice? not very, but many people seem to think so.

hearing about this guys GF who is like 19 years old and NOBODY likes her. she has “no personality”.

i thought, so what if she has “no personality,” That Woman didn’t have much of a personality, usually if a woman has a strong personality, that means she’s bitchy and obnoxious. no thank you. just have a not-strong personality and be nice. be pleasant. i’m thinking this young girl is both no personality AND not really nice or pleasant either. jeeeez. how unpleasant do you have to be as a 19 year old gurl to have nobody like you??!?!?!?! also I have heard she is not terribly good looking either.

meanwhile i found, once upon a time, a nice, qt, woman that everybody liked because she was NICE and had a GOOD personality.

with men its harder. you have to have an ACTUAL personality, and NOT Just Be Nice. i guess I cant be mad about that, thats just nature.

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/51tj9x/me_23_m_with_my_ex_girlfriend_22_f_for_about_2/

dramatic breakup story, he cant get over ex, who blocked him, but they had their problems, also she talked to him a lot more and prob would have been willing to give him some closure

spet 9

well i have learned from /r/relships/ that women indeed have some agency and are not to be regarded as total BABIES.

(every single attractive young woman on linkedin is a GOD DAMN RECRUITER.)

anyway, not to get off on a tangent, basically, the leftist scum of reddit insists that women are not powerless infants and indeed they DO have some responsibilities. well of COURSE they would think that tho! they like powerful independent wimmin!

but yeah you hear stories where women actually do stuff, put in an effort, or in some cases, stalk the guy, or get needy or clingy, texting the guy, getting jealous, getting heartbroken. i guess its nice to know that women are CAPABLE of this!

or just basically that they are willing to talk to you when they are dumping you and to say sorry and to be conscious that them dumping you is gonna hurt you and they are making some token effort to mitigate some of that hurt!

also the idea that the solution is pretty obvious (dump that b and run away!!!!) and the Bad Guy is pretty obvious.

i just hate being the Bad Guy because I couldnt understand Space.

but i dont think it was that simple either. i think any mature person would say SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO AVOID DEALING WITH THE SITUATION. SPACE ISNT AN EXCUSE TO NEVER COMMUNICATE.

i think i already made that a post title. or something very close to it hahahaha.

so basically when a woman has secs quickly, she is saying “MY VALUES ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN YOURS.”  so maybe its a stage. but why should the stage be like 10 years long or 15 years or whatever? thats a pretty long stage. too long for me.

ok applied for us army job. they have a big facility which employs a lot of people in the area with damn good 35k jobs like this one.

an open relationship will NEVER work if BOTH people dont agree about wanting it. period. it HAS to be completely mutual and UNANIMOUS.

of course at least 80% of Breakups are not unanimous, but they dont need to be. it would be nice if they were!

SHOW ME I MEANT ANYTHING TO YOU!!!!!

welp at 399 jobs now, should prob make the big 400th a good one. i think we decided not too long ago to make 500 the new goal.

i mean i have a hard time with jobs. bullshitting my way and figuring out what to do in tough confusing situations. figuring out how to do and handle my job. figuring out how to fix problems and what to say to frustrated customers who are counting on me to fix their problem…….and i really dont know what im doing. i feel incompetent because I AM incompetent and its inherently stressful to try to serve people when you ARE incompetent. because you ABSOLUTELY do not feel free to make mistakes or fail, because someone is basically gonna insult your intelligence.

in school it was ok to make mistakes, because only your grade suffered, and only a little bit, and you could always ask questions without being bitched at and treated like someone who should be fired.

how did that woman do it? oh yeah she just went with the flow. great advice, you horrible person hahahahahaha.

fookin captain obvious. fookin captain obviously easier said than done. jeeeeeez.

also reading /r/rels you see how FLAKY women are. they will just give up on you for the stupidest shittiest reasons and there is nothing you can do about it. because you have to respect their wishes that they dont care about you any more and dont want to do anything to work on things.

where do you go for nondegenerate dating advice? actually /r/rels is pretty good…..BUT they are degen on things like open rels, or being a SLUT. i guess I am just happy that they view Cheating as a Bad Thing. but yeah they dont view having a Super Promiscuous Slut Past as being a bad thing. when it totally is.

and i dont want to go to a christian thing, again. because I want YOU to understand why being a slut is wrong, not just because of muh good book or muh jeebus. which are all great things mind you, but it honestly seems………MORALLY LAZY!!!!!! to have muh jeebus be your answer to all moral questions.

but i dont like atheists. but do i like a devout blind faith type person better than an atheist? probably.

ideal would be a person like me: someone who wants to have faith but is just filled with tons of doubt.

and a woman who just thinks casual sex is GROSS or SLUTTY, and SLUTTY is BAD. I dont wanna be an icky gross SLUT. SLUTS ARE GROSS, she says. I would never want to be gross like that.

and she said that! she had an appropriate sense of DISGUST and DISDAIN 4 SLUTS!!!!

if i even have to mansplain it…….that stuffing a guys dick in your mouf and babymaker, who you dont even know this guy, you just met him a few days ago…if i have to mansplain why that is disgusting, then you are too far gone.

and 90% of women are too far gone hahahahahaha.

might have a little nyquil today, go for walk after, go to bed early.

called this auto service place for recall notice and actually got scheduled to get that fixed. so that was an accomplishment hahaha.

heh. you know how some people “break up” but theyre not really “borken up” because they are still hanging out, fooking, texting hahahaha. sometimes even the gurl initiates, decides she doesnt want to be totally done with the guy, and presents herself to be fooked. can’t say that happened to me hahahaha.

basically, if she had ANY desire to talk to me……..SHE WOULD HAVE.

WOMEN ARE ACTUALLY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS, the reddit has taught me.

but its easy to think they aren’t, when you have a case where the woman does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. you think, are ALL women like that? I HOPE not all women are like that!!!!!!!! but i dont know enough women to tell. so then its GOOD to read these stories and anecdotes.

AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I have just gone from a floundering seal to a baby seal on SwC poker hahahahaha. this is a YUGE deal, its taken me like 2 years to get to this point.

 

 

 

13 DOLLARS AN HOUR

aug 31

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

http://pastebin.com/xUh6Djef

put this in sidebar, i want to caputre the worst article ever AND a few hundred comments

nymag open marriage cuckoldry article by sonmore

INFAMOUS

http://pastebin.com/67FxT9wi

here is the sequel / follow up with the man and his “wife.”

the first article is timeless, classic, godawful, and i will put it in the sidebar As A Ghastly Monument (Ruins of Beverast reference/credit.)

i might be moving Towards A New Cover Letter Hermeneutic where the new Way is really to hit them HARD with a Fully Tailored, Individualized First Paragraph that cups their balls and sucks their dick and appeals to their mission and demonstrates my passion for their company and how i can add value and increase profitability by specifically matching the requirements of the specific job, in the culture of this specific company, addressing these particular pain points, and why i am THE SINGLE BEST CANDIDATE out of millions, and this, and no others, IS my Dream Career.

in other words, REALLY step up my Tailoring of the CL. I tailor the CL a TINY bit, changing a few words or sentences each time. so, do more than that.

also, attempt to aim for the Average Salary of my state, and NOT the whole US, which is 28k, and my state is a LITTLE below that.

yeah 12 to 16 is a ridiculous range to give. i should just say 12 to 14.

or 12 to 13 hahahaha.

people who have college careers and make 40k + cringe at talk like this. they never mention numbers. i mention numbers ALL DAY.

yeah i guess i used to think it was VULGAR too. but now I just think its Keeping It Really Real. How Much Does The Market Say You Are Worth?

no its not the sum total of Who You Are…..but it DOES tell me a LOT about what Your Employer thinks you are Worth, and What Kind of Life you live, and probably the type of people you associate with.

(People tend to associate with people who make about the same amount of MONEY as they do. So I feel a little weird when people who make WAY MORE MONEY than I do, huge winners, invite me to hang out with them. Of course I accept the invitation graciously.)

so yeah fook this 15 dollars an hour bullshit. i am willing to pay my dues and make 13 dollars an hour like the people in muh subaverage state. those fancy phaggots in joo york and phag phagcisco can take their 15 dollars an hour and pozz each others assholes with it. besides in those cities it costs 600000k per month to live in a one room shack tiny house, and it costs 90000000$ for a package of ramen. no thanks.

if a man is complaining about COMMUNICATION all the time, and his wife/gf is never WILLING to COMMUNICATE, and she’s always SHUTTING ME OUT, and so DISTANT, and putting up a WALL, she has to be willing to COMMUNICATE, well then thats him signalling that HE has HUGE communication issues, he’s projecting, HE’S really the one who doesnt know how to COMMUNICATE hahahaha.

i was watching married at first sight and derek was complaining about his distant, unwilling, stubborn, bitchy horrible (but very bangable) wife, who simpyl would not give him a chance. he is kinda a douchebag but he had some GREAT points about communication, where I nodded my head vigorously and said YES. YASSSS. THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

and hes also right that she is no spring chicken at 33, but my god she has a very fookable ass hahahahahahaha. she has to be in the top 10% of attractiveness for 33 year old women. I would DESTROY her.

and this derek is a pretty masculine man too, i’m sure he would destroy her too, but thats how stubborn she is. she probably would have gladly let him destroy her 5 years ago. now im not sure what she wants. probably a total beta bucks sort of guy. she probably WANTS the total doormat that says anything you want hunny. but i have to wonder, who does she want For SECS, at this moment? she’s always gonna want the masculine guy for secs. so why not have secs with her masculine husbando derek?

unless she’s such a sleazebag that she needs TWO or more men. alpha fooks, beta bucks, and never the twain shall meet. i guess she’s never experienced a best of both worlds alpha who is masculine AND makes a ton of money. but  she’s hawt enough to pull such a man (albeit not necessary without sharing him), and doesnt she meet plenty of powerful men as a Stewardess? like the powerful alpha men in First Class and such?

so yeah i am most fascinated in this couple. then sonia and nick a distant second, and i dont really care about the third couple hahahaha.

basically a 33 year old woman with no children is guaranteed to be SUPER CRAZY. her body is telling her to have a baby RIGHT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE and you have to keep that in mind. i guess its ok if you want to have a baby right now too. but its gonna be real hard to have MULTIPLE babies with this woman. she shoulda started having babies AT LEAST TEN YEARS AGO.

fulton sheen on difference between BAD, and EVIL.

 

hilarious first hour with moishe, not sure if florian mentions the sheen story in this one though

start at 1:47:00. this is exactly where florian makes the point about fulton sheen. this is probably the single best episode of nationalist review EVAR: a full hour of moishe being absolutely ridiculous, natt being natt, a bit by “degenerate dan”, a full discussion and reading of that horrendous nymag cuckold article, AND florian uses that to introduced sheen’s point:

that a bad man simply does bad things, sins, like lie, cheat, steal, hurt, kill.

but a truly EVIL man actively and intentionally works to undermine truth, beauty, and goodness ITSELF. true evil seeks to portray vice as virtue. like the cuckold husband who does disgusting mental gymnastics to portray his cuckoldry as True Luv for his wife. true evil just makes a disgusting mockery of truth, beauty, and goodness.

i didn’t actually hear sheen’s actual story, just florian describing it. but i’ve seen plenty of sheen, and he is pretty badass, and the more i hear of florian, the more i like/luv him. he is possibly the new fulton sheen for 2016 alt right. and he is a very young man, like 23 years old. AND he is in seminary to become a catholic priest. AND he is alt right and joo wise and insanely, autistically smart. AND he has created a better joo character than morrakiu, with moishe the mossad handler.

ok florian is definitely in contention to be man of the year 2016 hahahahaha. i sort of wish he wasn’t becoming a priest so he could have white children. but I like the idea of a 1488 catholic priest too.

shit i would say become a priest and have children ANYWAY. let them kick you out.

actually i think you can become a priest AFTER you have children.

florian should def have children. but I very much appreciate him being a MAN OF GOD.

his regular voice is a little autistic, but he is SUCH a great awesome guy it doesnt even matter. this guy is SO good.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Fulton_J._Sheen

so yeah. listen to that whole episode. if its not SHUT DOWN by the time this post posts. im downloading that shit again.

the best thing ive heard lately that isnt the fatherland hahahaha. well it does have ryan from the fatherland and i luv him too. great, great men. I would LUV to go to a trs convention and meet these guys.

https://radio.therightstuff.biz/2016/08/31/the-daily-shoah-100-ep-88-part-13-of-14-a-hundred-a-hundred-twenty-episodes/

millennial woes on the new daily shoah!!! (100th episode!) NOICE!! I hope he uses some N words and K words and F words and such and isnt such a nice guy hahaha. i dont think hes even been on the shoah before. ITS ABOUT TIME.

sept 1

had weird dream that i was a Rookie Police Officer just starting out, getting On The Job Training from the guys, and I was very quickly On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown, and was very anxious like, whoa guys, i think i’m in over my head, i don’t think im TOUGH ENOUGH to handle this, maybe i’m not cut out for this job, maybe I should quit, I mean really, I dont have it in me! you need a tougher guy!

and the guys were all tough but also generally in favor of me not quitting I think, or they would disrespect me as an inferior pvssy if i quit, and were like, yeah its tough at first, but you just gotta TOUGHEN UP, gotta TUFF GET GOING, gotta not let it bother you, power through it, etc and other platitudes.

i think for most Cops though there is better training than what i experienced in the dream. like when you pay 20 grand to go to Police Academy, that’s where they train you for like 12 weeks hehehehe on all the aspects of being a Cop.

also cops get ongoing paid training because of like lawsuits and shit. peoples lives are at stake, its one of those jobs, like doctors and nurses and shit. lives are in your hands. people could die, and that means million dollar lawsuits, thus you implement official training pogams to Cover Your Ass.

unlike some companies where you dont need to cover your ass so much, and you can Screw and Joo customers with impunity, so it DOESNT MATTER if your people are trained. and the advice from management is, do what you need to do to get them on their way and make/save time and money.

thankfully i never had to Upsell Add On Products and shit. but the employees I was Supporting sure did. and they were generally as poorly trained as we were, and there they were talking to the ACTUAL customers. pressured by THEIR managers to try to sell the customers shit they REALLY didnt need, and also not understanding the products. yet trying to sell them. to people who didnt need them. when the products themselves were overpriced shady bullshit that were thoroughly jooish to the core. buy this extra advanced warranty goy. just in case. only 50 dollars more. just in case of a worst case scenario.

also the company was in general, dying. there is talk the company will be sold. but its a publicly traded company with shareholders. can you have a reverse IPO where a once public company becomes privately held again? i guess you can do esoteric shit with stock buybacks or stock splitting or something.

i guess theoretically the stock price could go SO low, and then there are Equity Firms who might gobble up a Majority Ownership of the company.

i dont know, I don’t have an MBA, I only have like 25 credits of Business Classes, hahahahaha.

which is more than Average, 13 dollar an hour normies have!

but you can also get an ok business sense from working at a company for a few years and just talking to people.

at my company, there was tons of rumors and speculation, among the more savvy people like me, that were even interested in speculation about why was the company doing this, rather than being like idk ikr lol weed lmao.

people like me who were frustrated and wanted to understand why the company and our department was such an egregious, backwards, shameful, disorganized, mismanaged clusterfook, and how it could be improved. well, more training, more actual legit experts who knew what they were doing, more time and money, more quality people actually improving actual quality, more testing, more actual listening to customers, much better executive management who understood the importance of IT as being more than just a Cost Center, etc.

standard!

but yeah its just horribly frustrating to have an angry, stressed person pushing you to fix their problem, because youre supposed to be the expert, fixing problems is your job, and you have no idea what you’re doing, and you look like you don’t know what you’re doing, becuase you really don’t, and you can’t appeal to a Subject Matter Expert in a way that is actually useful for either you or the customer. Most customers would be jsut fine if you said, wow, this is a pretty complex problem, here’s Joe Flabeetz, he’s been here for 2 years and really knows what he’s doing, Joe is great. its much worse when you say, i dont know what to do, let me talk to Joe, and then you “talk” to Joe in a shitty chat room where he is helping 20 other lost souls like you, telling you stuff that doesnt make sense. then you go back to the customer and try to do that thing, and explain it.  NATURALLY, UNDERSTANDABLY, they wonder, can’t you just get Joe over here? he clearly knows what he’s doing, you clearly don’t, so just get him on the case.

but one does not simply just get a SME on the case. because they are just as busy as we are and are not gonna escalate a case without a fight.

you could probably turn newbies into SME’s quicker with REGULAR TRAINING. but again, thats millions of dollars for people who want to get out of here ASAP anyway. or they can just go mad and snapquit like me hahahaha.

it all makes perfect sense: DONT SPEND MONEY IF YOU DONT ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.

the company can afford to not support their employees, shit they can afford to some extent to provide shitty, overpriced, screwjob jooish service to their customers. anything you can get away with. no exchanges, no refunds. all sales final. don’t like it, complain to the better business bureau bitches. don’t like it, do this shit yourself or go to our competitors.

see thats going too far though! why would you knowingly push your customers towards your competitors?

AND THATS WHY THE COMPANY IS FAILING. it used to be a successful, reputable company. now it is a sinking ship and more people can’t ignore that.

so yeah, i think a large part of why my experience was SO NEGATIVE was the culture of the company, being a large “big dog” old school company that was starting to fail on a massive scale. i mean they will implement retarded changes on a daily basis, yet be so Entrenched that they wont implement the actual Radical change needed. just do stupid spazzout bandaid fire putout bullshit. nothing meaningful, nothing that is good for the long term. short term only.

heh. that woman didnt care. she was just like go with the flow, dont let it bother you, dont bother me about it, i dont care, idk lol, dude weed lmao.

i mean women are not well equipped to have logical, sensible, reasonable, insightful thoughts about Business anyway……… but with all these educated women in careers, i think they can at least go through the motions of talking about business.

well, we did not have alot of those type of women in our department hahaha.

so i’m saying i prefer a more business savvy woman?

NO….i don’t even prefer a more intelligent woman. shit she was intelligent ENOUGH. i think she COULD have been taught to be more business savvy, not that she needed be…..

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, really I just wanted her to talk to me more, be nicer to me, and just have a HALFWAY decent conversation about Our Jobs and Our Company!!!!!!! don’t you have an OPINION on this retardation! it affects you as much as it affects me! and she probably DID have an opinion! she just didnt want to talk to me any more. and i was very upset about that. her withdrawing from me and building a huge wall.

so yeah that was deffo the root issue hahahaha.

and I was very frustrated because I was aware of that root issue, and trying to resolve it, and getting NOWHERE, because I needed cooperation and willingness from her, and she refused to get it.

lets meet, lets sit at the table together, talk, and try to MAKE A DEAL. lets negotiate and compromise and both leave unhappy hahahahahahahahaha. and i was sitting at the table all day waiting for her to show up, and she just no called no showed the whole time.

so yeah that why i was very upset hahahaha.

dont just say dont let it bother you. get a thicker skin. believe me I would love to.

now, I had great conversations with a couple of my male friends at the job, and we all should have been promoted to level 3 and never have to take a call ever again hahahaha. make 18 bucks an hour hahaha.

i wasnt asking her to be as insightful as us, i just wanted her to give SOME effort into thinking about this. i mean it was stupid NOT to have righteous indignation over it, and to just say dont let it bother you, and smoke MJ. you can smoke MJ and still have opinions about this ridiculousness! and partially i was JEALOUS of her ability to DISCONNECT from the job like that, do it so Coolly, yet still miraculously do a “good” job and be liked by everyone. well yeah she was a likeable person hahahaha.

ishould probably give agalloch a second try. should i listen to the above album or “the mantle.” i was torn. i went to youtube and tried to compare the Productions, which one sounded better. they both sounded pretty close but maybe this one has a 5% stronger guitar sound. also, i technically tried listening to “the mantle” like 4 years ago and i was like, yeah this is ok, but i guess im not in the mood for something like this.

i guess now at least i am in the mood to give them a try again. i guess i want something thats like beautiful atmospheric black metal, but very melodic and very easy to listen to, with immediately catchy riffs and melodies and songs. but without being so NEW that it gets TOO much into “post rock” or “blackgaze”. something old enough that it was around when I was young and actually interested in music. the mantle came out in 2002, which is right in my wheelhouse yearwise, this one came out in 2006, when i had stopped caring about music, well, thats not true. i recall i was keeping up on the current work of katatonia and goatwh0re. but not being super duper into it, or into anything. lots of drinking. damn. increasing amounts of drinking. stupid. i stopped caring about new music, or music in general, some dark days.

so 2002 was really a much better year for me music wise than 2006…..but ive already heard a bit of the mantle, and if i like ashes against the grain, i’ll try the mantle. also the mantle is like 68 minutes long, which is way too long for an album. ashes is 59 minutes. still way too long, but better than 68.

and of course in 2014 and much of 2015 i was not interested in music so much either, because worrying about the job, or i was devastated by my loss and failure hehehehe. so i guess ive rebounded to a kind of peak right now of interest in music, as in trying to find NEW music, which is remarkable, cuz much of the time i like to Build A Wall and say yep ive got more than enough music thank you, dont need any new stuff. there’s nothing good left out there. its all hipster phaggot degenerate bullshit. theres plenty of stuff  from before 2000 i havent listened to yet.

and its FINE to close the ranks and circle the wagons….but i dont want to do that more than half of the time. i would always like to be SOMEWHAT open to new music.

and agalloch i think is right in line with stuff that i have enjoyed. like when i was young i enjoyed opeth a lot, i still enjoy their older stuff, and i have always enjoyed “in the woods….” a norwegian sorta black metal group from the 90s that was atmospheric and progressive and avant garde when those things werent NEARLY as cool as they are now.

heh like the other day i wanted to listen to hammerfall and i only ended up listening to the first two songs on the album. and that album was only like 40 minutes. perfect length.

went to jcpenneys. it was a mixed bag. i had high hopes.  saw some beautiful high school girls in there with their Moms for Back 2 Skool shopping. nothing wrong with a 35 year old man ogling 16 year old gurls hahahahahaha.  at that age you really want to Protect and Provide for them, and you would Happily swear an oath to their Faithful Fathers that you would not bang them until they are 18, or if the father really wanted grandchildren, then you could have him sign off for age 17, and you would promise to not frivolously divorce her hahahahahaha. and she would promise to not frivorce YOU really.

so yeah you dont look at the beautiful 16 year old gurl and say “yeah id like to pump and dump that trashwh0re, ride hard and hang them up wet” the way you would say about a 30 year old skank. you say “damn i wouldnt mind MARRYING that gurl and having her be the mother of my children. Assuming she’s not ALREADY a huge slut. Let’s have a talk with her father.”

90s and 00s metal. that was my thing. i’m not sure i even lasted 10 good years. but 1996 to 2003 for sure might have been my best years.

in terms of The West, those were not great years. especially 96 to 2001 hahahaha. the late 90s was the high of nihilism and decadence and degeneracy where shit was probably just as bad as it is NOW, except people were more despairing. shit was BAD, although things werent AS Sexualized, and attitudes about Gays were definitely a bit better. but there was nothing to hold onto. there was no alt right. there was no hope for the youth, which i was one. the music was especially shitty. it reflected the nihilism and lack of general quality perfectly. stuff like groove metal and nu metal and korn. well at least there was a ton of catchy alternative pop type stuff. i shoulda got into that more at the time.

there seemed to be much less red pilled young people then. people were not waking up fast enough.

and i do think 911 in 2001 was a bigass paradigm shift, the beginning of a new era, a time of awakening. the sleeping nihilist giant awakens and then stumbles around in confusion for about 10 more years hahahaha. trying to shake off that nihilism and sense of no purpose. trying to figure out what was going on and what to do about it.

for me at least, the internet did not become a HUGE thing until after 2000. from like 98 to 00 we used slow dialup shit and i was already a degenerate, looking at jooish filth and actually reading Erotic Stories. which I guess is slightly less jooish. playing doom and quake. writing ridic stories of me finding a Nice GF and having a traditional monog longterm rel at age 15 hahahaha. see, my main goal was not degenerate.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1990s&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

hahahaha i have been looking at these goddamn RYM lists for like a month straight trying to find the perfect album to listen to

like here is the best metal (incl all subgenres) for the 90s.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=1996&genre_include=1&include_child_genres=1&genres=Metal&include_child_genres_chk=1&include=both&origin_countries=&limit=none&countries=

you can also put in an exact year like 1996 hahahahahaha

also i wanted to say that listening to the daily shoah for the first time in a while (well i did listen when fatherland jim guest hosted a few weeks ago), is that i must remind myself not to forget how powerful mike enoch is. i mean he is really smart and just says the most interesting, smartest, most awesome things. i guess its easy to forget because his voice is ridiculous and he sounds like seth roganblatt. but the things he says are just amazing. here he is doing a 80 hour work week, hasn’t had time to read the news or do anything but work his tech job, and he comes onto TDS and is pretty high energy and very very solid and convincing in the things he was saying, just having very very good conversations where he is contributing most of the quality.

not to crap on seventh son or special guest millennial woes, but yeah this is enoch’s show and he is very very good at what he does. needs to trim down the number of people so he can dominate the conversation any more. him, SS, and MW would have been ideal.

heh i saw my confirmation email for applying to a part time job, and thought OH NO THATS THE FASTEST REJECTION EMAIL EVER!! and then laughed when i realized it was just the CONFIRMATION email that they had received my application. awesome job though hahahahaha. 30 hours a week, 15 dollars an hour, right when i have officially announced that 13 dollars is my new goal, that 15 is out of my league hehehehe.

ITS OFFICIAL. MY PRICE HAS OFFICIALLY GONE DOWN TO 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR. THAT IS MY WORTH AS A HUMAN BEING. hahahaha. no silly, that’s just my worth to the MARKET of human beings!!!!!

at the gas station today I saw a white man arguing pretty rudely with the poor clerk making 9 hourly. i couldnt see the clerk because they were in this little glass booth. it was one of those gas stations that doesnt even have an inside, and the cashier is in a tiny booth/shack. there was a huge line behind this white guy who….i couldnt tell what was going on. it sounded like he was getting charged 36 dollars when he disputed it and thought he should be charged 26, and he wasn’t gonna pay a penny more. he was maybe early 30s and had a stupid mohawk like haircut and tattoos all over his arms. good job. i really hope the clerk was not white, but even if they WERE nonwhite, they didn’t deserve this kinda treatment, and I was a bit ashamed that a fellow white man could be such a dickhead to a poor miserable gas station clerk. Whites are supposed to be Polite Customers. its blacks and arabs who are Asshole Customers.

I thought about going up to the clerk and apologizing hahahahaha. well, not apologizing, but sorry you had to go through that. I know you weren’t trying to do anything wrong. he was way out of line. he’s an asshole.

go get your manager. uhhhh the managers not here today. i’m not sure when he will be back. i can’t do anything for you. well then call the manager right now. i want to talk to him right now. uhhhh he doesnt give employees his phone number. well who do you call if its an emergency? meanwhile there is a huge line of people who just want to prepay for their gas. i avoided all this because i paid at the pump with a card hahahahaha.

mike enoch does not get all super intellectual either. he just gives real talk, absolutely no bullshit, no jerking off. he says like and dude a lot but unlike with most people who say these words a lot, it does not make him sound unintelligent. he is real good at talking to people and just great verbal intelligence on this goy hahahaha. this is the guy you want talking for you. real convincing salesman. but not in a bullshit dishonest way. he needs to quit his job and spend all his time talking and networking and meeting with people. he is a real good people person and communicator.

i wonder what the hell he did before TRS. I guess he had a big libertarian phase and did a lot of 4chan. dont quote me.

listened to the first 2 songs of the agalloch album, they were pretty good. decent production. a blast beat would be nice. also the black metal vocals are pretty unimpressive and really dont seem to fit. something a bit deeper, or alternately, a DSBM or old burzumy scream would be better. the corny clean vocals are better.

uhhh seems to be plenty of “melodic doom” in the vein of old katatonia going on, that i wasnt really expecting, but i guess i’m not surprised, and i am not disappointed either.

overall, very melodic, very very, not super opethy unless you think of an alternate opeth where they continued in the vein of their first two albums…….which is not a problem for me!

but now i have a damn melodic doom katatoniaish song stuck in my head and I don’t know what it is!!!!!!!!!

it has a catchy mournful weeping guitar melody.

it is pretty brave murder day ish, but i dont think its from that album.

it could be from the first october tide album, but i dont think so.

and i’m not sure what else it could be.

sept 2

you know i think it might be beneath the rain or whatever that doom band from portugal with the guy from morgion singing.  on their second main album.

before the rain?

YASSSS there is is, aroun 20:23, actually that motif is all throughout this song “shards” and it repeats a lot, but i was particularly thinking of the higher octave guitar going into the “weeping” range hahahaha.

FOUND IT!!!!

yeah the album is a little long but it has a great production and great style and is pretty underrated and i only found it because i am a big morgion fan.

fooking rate your music lists really interferon with muh job search hahahaha.

fook working for a living like an honorable white man. i am just gonna become a black ingra hahahaha.

yeah i dont want to pedestalize That Woman too much. it’s VERY GOOD to remember I have been Decent Friends with, I have been CLOSE TO OTHER WOMEN before. she doesnt STAND ALONE. I had at least two pretty good female friends where we were decent friends for like approx 2 years. talking freely, being comfortable with each other.

yeah i never fell in LUV with them but thats NOT THE POINT. well, yes and no. yeah that was the one thing that differentiated that woman.

but i never want to lose sight of the fact that i have gotten close and friendly with OTHER women. NOT JUST HER.

rejection email THREE MONTHS after applying for job. the spreadsheet did not even exist until 2 months ago.

entry level position at big well known company, great job, but 95% of its postings are for Senior Level Engineers.

ANYWAY. when you fall in LUV with a woman you FEEL closer to them. it’s a fantasy, its all in your head, but i don’t like describing it like that, thats misleading. because it’s VERY real for YOU. YOU ACTUALLY ARE very close to THEM……………………………but THEY are not nearly as close to YOU. by saying its all in your head, it mocks the realness, truth and beauty of your Luv. so, I wont do that.

like when i fell in luv with women i didnt even KNOW. OF COURSHE i FELT close to them, even though I didn’t even KNOW them!

the DIFFERENCE this time, was I fell in luv with someone I ACTUALLY KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and still, apparently, I didn’t know them well enough!

but yeah i MUST NOT think of myself as some WEIRDO CREEPER ALIEN who CANT get along with women, because I have become close friends with OTHER WOMEN THAN JUST HER.

I just never fell in LUV with any of them, so thats why That Woman was such a big deal.

went to jcpenney and found some great nike revolution 3 running shoes. but they did not have the size in the color i wanted.

so then i went to zappos and ordered the size for about the same price. i hate the idea of ordering SHOES online, but technically i HAD already tried on a pair of the same style of shoe, just a diff COLOR. and i wasnt gonna back down here.

interestingly enough, i was aiming to replace a pair of Revolution 2 which i had bought 2 years ago and are now falling apart and completely worn out. i guess i am a Nike Revolution man. so I should look for the Revolution 4 in 2 more years.

man those one year at a time charts on rym are great. i can see all the albums I was enjoying at the time, ANDDDDDDD see all the ones from that time period that I missed. there was a ton of good stuff in those years that i missed because i was a teen listening to groove metal hahahaha. no i liked half good stuff too, some black metal. i have been a black metal fan for TWENTY YEARS hahahahahahahahahaha. well, maybe 19.

just tell these antiwhite k1kes in interviews that ive been spending the last 14 months looking at black metal charts on RYM hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but i havent been smokin any MJ ya k1kes!

not that you should be PROUD about smokin MJ. its for degenerates. its INHERENTLY DEGENERATE.

its TERRIBLE that I still want to do it. that I still want to do it WITH HER. goddam degenerate DEVILS CABBAGE.

if anyone speaks glowing of MJ, publicly humiliate them! and then go smoke it privately hahahhaha.

i really hate successful people who make like 30k a year who say i can smoke MJ and I’m a successful productive member of society! I’m happy with my life and my job and I am a successful family man! and I make 30k a year!

comment sections of news articles on legalizing mj and all these pro-legalization types saying shit like that.

well i am pro legalization too, but more of the “conservative libertarian” way, rather than Have Big Govt Regulate and Tax Tax Tax it! but let each city decriminalize it.

i mean I just imagine all the tax money being wasted anyway, like the 200 million in tax revenue colorado got from MJ. it will just be wasted on public skools in black ghettos hahahaha where the money wont do any good. or paying teacher administrator pensions hahahahahaha.

it wont go to fix shitty roads, it wont go to more police and ems in black crime ghettos, or blight cleanup, or anything useful like that. thats where your MJ tax money will go. just like alcohol and tobacco tax money.

so yeah dont tax it. save the money to build up MJ production companies hahahaha. or even small time MJ producers in the cities where it is legal.

well companies are STILL gonna drug test for jobs anyway, that practice has not changed even in colorado, in fact its probably gotten even more prevalent! cuz now theres more lazy ingrish potheads out there who would make terrible workers hahahaha.

i am being partially facetious since i always try to work my hardest even if i am using MJ afterwards.

but maybe i am just a shitty worker but i think i am a good worker.

i mean shit, i can’t handle the bare minimum at muh old job! my best was worse than their worst! hahahahaha.

NO, that’s not entirely true. for a good long while I was good and getting better. establishing a reputation for excellence. might have even been promoted in 2 more years, hahahahaha, for a company that never promotes from within!

(i of course dont want to work for a company that doesnt promote from within hahahaha)

because hiring outsiders for upper level jobs is a YUGGGGEEEEE red flag of a shitty horrible company. run dont walk.

applied for great job at Dream Employer University, but its 36k. when my skills are only worth 26k hahahaha. isnt it a waste of 25 minutes to apply for this?

i found another one that pays 15 an hour. much better. but still out of my league hahaha.

in fact the jobs that pay 13 an hour, aka 26k a year…..dont usually even list their pay. they just say nothing.

so i guess the lesson is, always apply for the jobs that dont list a number, because that number is probably low enough to be closer to your actual worth.

but still. why not just list the god damn pay for ALL jobs, from 10 dollar an hour to 40 dollars an hour jobs, so people that think the pay is too low, wont even apply.

unless they are trying to overreach and get people who would normally be “too good” to apply????

well that’s not what I do, i apply for 12 and 11 dollar an hour jobs if they seem chill/easy or I like the company.

anyway the 15 an hour job would be GREAT. like 5 miles away, full time office job, for satellite campus of bigass university that probably takes average care of its employees with 401k, health care, and at least 13 an hour wage hahahaha. 9 to 5 hours, weekends off, the works. real solid family man stuff. no joke.

 

DONT TOUCH A D1CK UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO COMMIT TO IT FOR TWO YEARS

july 17

924 people in 2 days. applying to an entry level 13 DAH job.

horry sheet.

i will never cease to be amazed by this. maybe they will pull it on Monday after their HR Department (ie one woman admin asst) gets back in on monday. just so they could collect 1000 applications over the weekend hahaha.

so why dont job postings list even a Low Salary Range?

Does this have the OPPOSITE effect as I think? that every tyrone and jose making 8 bucks an hour will see ooh this job pays 100k, better apply to it?

my mindset is of course the opposite: oh, no way am i qualified for this, i wont even apply. i wont apply to this 40k job, but i WILL apply to this 30k job.  maybe apply to this 35k job.

DEFINITELY apply to this 28k job.

see what I mean?

but do average people just not work like that? i dont know.

i mean the 13 dollar figure didnt keep 900 people from applying! PEOPLE ARE DESPERATE FOR 13 DOLLARS AN HOUR!

I figure thats the point: you put in ANY salary, and you will get DUMPED on with 100000000 applicants.

put no salary, you will only get the “SERIOUS” candidates hahaha. smaller pile of resumes to sift through.

therefore, 70% of postings have no salary.

i want to hear j read playing something a bit more “song oriented” than revenge. here is the ridic project he did with the singer from primordial, who has a great voice, although im not sure the two styles mix all that well.

yes j read sounds very beastly hahahaha. heck of a guy.

i thought mannequin was spelled mannequin, not manikin. wtf. why dont i call myself and ask them/me which one is correct.

now that my average job apply time is like 12 minutes, which is better than expected, i want to improve my Newly Created Jobs Per DAY metric, to at least Three Per Day. counting Weekends.  so, 21 applications per WEEK. that isnt so bad is it????

right now I am close to 3 but not quite there. like 2.8, 2.9. how am I not at 3?

because i take days off because they are no great jobs left to apply to, or i am running around getting a god damn new suit tailored hahahaha.

2 vs 3, its 60 jobs vs 90 a month.

no one ever told me in high school or Topkek Univeristy that there would be 1000 applicants for a 13 dollar an hour job! my fam never told me! they didnt know! they would be AMAZED! I am amazed! shit.

well maybe not all jobs are that bad competition wise. I know that for a fact, because some jobs have been open for 5 days and only have 50 applicants. the job descriptions are a lot shittier though, OR the jobs are nowhere near entry level.

its like its a BIG SECRET how to get an Enty LEvel job hahaha. and nobody REALLY knows how, and the ones who DO know how, keep it a tightly guarded secret and make bullshit lies and statistics and say go to college in this or that.

maybe ALL entry level jobs go through recruiters and never get to indeed. but dont the recruiters put them on indeed? maybe. sometimes. or they put the jobs on their own websites that may or may not get picked up by indeed. and I havent found a way to request that indeed “Crawl” a site it doesnt seem to be crawling.

you better make sense of everything because you gotta give a presentation to the president of the company in a few days and educate him on this, and convince him you know what youre talking about. even though you have no clue.

you can ask questions and look like an idiot…..but how do you know you’re even asking the RIGHT questions, because you dont know shit about shit. again, unknown unknowns. i wish they WERE known unknowns! but that would be too easy. only 8 dollar an hour ingras work with KNOWN unknowns.

NOBODY TOLD ME!!!!!

pick suit up from the arab today. hopefully. interview in 2 days.

july 18

ok got muh 3 applications done for the day and its not even noon yet hahahaha.

BAD! when I have the time, i am supposed to do MORE THAN 3 to compensate for the days I do LESS THAN 3!!!!!!

come on. reject me for “warehouse coordinator” and get the rejection email within 24 hours of applying? i applied to 3 jobs and was rejected by all 3 from the same latina HR woman hahahahaha. admin asst, warehouse coordinator, and machine prepper.  THANKS.  yes of course i used the 10 page packet. maybe the 10 page packet is TOO LONG hahahaha.

maybe my cover letter wasnt tailored enough.

i saw one posting today that said something like “send us a GOOD cover letter and we’ll talk.”

this is a work hard play hard sort of company. more like chained to your desk because people are afraid to take lunch. and “firm 40” means 50. and you work off the clock to appear more productive. and the only way to prove you’re not slacking is to be ABSOLUTELY SLAMMED every minute of every day.  and you want a GOOD cover letter? how bout my GOOD dik in yo mouf, inggra?

suck muh GOOD big dikk, bitch!

using aloe softsoap and now my hands smell kind of like they have been soaked in stale beer. pretty gross. not a good smell.

or that horrible smell when people drink beer all day on a hot day and start getting Beer BO. god damn degenerate drunks. how do THEY make 28k a year.

my nightmare is to get trapped by some disgusting 5 or 6 bar slut single mom that i bang just because im lonely and she lets me, and i want to use her as a practice gurl to someone better, but then she gets preggers with a poor bastard and i have to Do The Right Thing and marry the skank and raise the child hahahahaha.

i mean i AM VERYYYYYYY against abortion. Ideally I would say, give the child up for adoption, or I am getting a Financial Abortion hahahaha.

which is why its bad to bang women in the first place when you dont want to have a child with them! this IS the life creation process after all!

ok got muh blue suit from the arab tailor, it looks good, i think he made the hem too big though, or rather, just forgot to cut it. i mean you cant see it so it doesnt really matter. this is the part on the inside of the pant leg.

was in the mall for 5 minutes and saw tons of cute teen gurls. some with albanian or arab men.

women are natural born race traitors, they have no concept of race. MEN are the custodians of the race. women will just go for whatever race is STRONGER. the strong horse idea. cant blame them. its what they do hahahaha. and because whites are wimps and arabs are strong macho men, white women go for arab and other MACHO men.

dont get mad at women for being race traitors, they’re not SUPPOSED to be loyal to their race, they’re not SUPPOSED to be loyal to anything except a strong man, and once he stops being strong, she doesnt have to be loyal to him anymore!

i am kinda assmad about that part tho, because I prefer “do you promise to be faithful in good times AND BAD”

is it unreasonable to ask women to be faithful in bad times?

not if she’s agreeing to it! not if she’s getting a good husband out of the deal!

but what if its a bad husband?

in fatherland episode 35 johnny monoxide (guest) and jim talk a bit about Premarital Counseling and how it is a good idea. How sometimes you are so blinded you dont realize that you are Fundamentally Incompatible with someone cuz youve never TALKED about abortion or never TALKED about how you resolve conflict or etc etc. and the counselor brings up these big bombs to see if you can handle them. like that ridiculous movie with robin williams.

i agreed and thought it was a great idea.

so yeah i honestly….

is it reasonable or not to expect a woman to BE ABLE to be faithful to you? or is it asking too much, like asking the rabid pit bull to NOT attack everything in sight?

i’ve SEEN women be faithful with my own eyes. but they truly luv their men. often when they shoudlnt. usually these men are just stubborn as shit and they really dont give a damn about the woman AT ALL. so THATs what I need to do.

but that just sounds IMPOSSIBLE. Besides, I LIKE being able to truly luv a woman. i just want to luv and then be luved in return.

also, ok fine i will accept that women have no racial loyalty. but I will NOT let them get away with no responsibility or luv for their own children.

like saying, its ok for women to like abortion because women naturally like abortion, its who they are, they don’t really luv their children, so its ok for them to kill them.

NO. NEVER.

because rather than just breaking a persons heart or ruining a mans life….they are TAKING a persons life. A Bridge Too Far!!!!!!!!!

natural born race traitors, strong horse vs weak horse, wanting protection and security. ok that kinda makes sense. but murdering your own children NEVER makes sense.

i hate admin asst jobs that are like super high level. like assistant to THE DIRECTOR. to the PRESIDENT. the CEO. these are all essentially VP and executive level admin assistants. isnt there anything more ENTRY LEVEL hehehe.

i just dont like the idea that when you deal with a woman, you’re responsible for EVERYTHING and EVERYTHING is YOUR FAULT. no exceptions. she does something bad to you….its YOUR FAULT. she cheats on you, its YOUR FAULT. shes a bitch to you, its YOUR FAULT. she leaves you hanging, its YOUR FAULT.

but how is this NEW? Women have been doing this FOREVER!

And yeah its a big reason why i dont like them. they have no responsibility or ACCOUNTABILITY or ownership.

some alt right comment thread said that women dont have loyalty to their MEN, they have loyalty to their CHILDREN. they couldnt give a shit about their men. they don’t care about their race, they dont care if their hearts are broken, these men are not really people to them. the only people who matter to women are their children…….so when women kill their children what does that say?

did a fun new 3.8 mile walk hahahaha.

dunno. i just hate being left in the lurch. and then thinking its MY FAULT, because this is what women DO to weak men. and i was undeniably weak. oh god was i weak. so I brought this on myself. nothing about this is unexpected or unreasonable. this is just what women do with a weak man. they LEAVE YOU IN THE LURCH. and you cannot expect more. you’re wrong to expect more. because this is is what women DO to weak men.  PERIOD. ACCEPT IT.

but i don’t WANT to accept it!!!!! i want ot think they can do a LITTLE better!

for good times and bad!

but we werent MARRIED! she never made a public formal COMMITMENT to me!

well i feel she was a LITTLE committed to me, not like married, but i dunno. 3 year friendship implies commitment. entitled me to have her buck her horrible female nature — to make an exception for me, and not act like a damn WOMAN.

but yeah i like the idea of premarital counseling. just dont go to a jooish one who wants to promote white genocide and white divorce. i suspect they would push you into a shitty marriage, so you can get divorced, cuz whites getting divorced makes joos happy and richer. more counselors, more lawyers, etc.

how about a good christian white marriage counselor who wants to see the RIGHT people get married, but will honestly advise people who SHOULDNT get married.

AGAIN, this is another responsibility that is ALL ON THE MAN. You think a WOMAN knows whether you should really get married or not? FOOK NO! Why? Because its a Responsibility, and Women are Naturally Irresponsibiler than a 50 foot baby with a machine gun.

That Person wasnt very intelligent or assertive or charismatic or a great people person, but people THINK shes a good people person because she sits there and says mhmm and appears to listen, though she comprehends nothign and isnt really listening and doesnt have an original thought in her head. (again, not expecting that women SHOULD be charismatic and intelligent.)

my POINT is, you have to have PEOPLE SKILLS and not be WEIRD in order to get a JOB. so she will have an easier time getting a JOB even though she has kinda bad people skills. I have better people skills than her, but a harder tie getting a job, because I still am a little weird, and probably not as good people skills as the average man.

well, i think in the long run i do, but its hard for me to Wow people in the Short Term and to Sell Myself in the Short Term. over the long term they can see that I am AWESOME…..but that doesnt matter in the job interview.

heh i should look up this guy Im using as a reference.

well i did find his gmail address. this may be useful because his old work email address probably has been shut down hahahaha. he was a good guy. a decent human being. i liked and respected him. i never knew how old he was, but turns out he is 4 years younger than me hahahaha.  and he was a manager, not a level 2. or a level 3. he MANAGED level 1s, 2s, and 3s hahahaha. I do not think he had a hardcore college degree, i cant even find him on linkedin.

anyway, point is, i gotta wear a fancy god damn 180 dollar tailored suit to compensate for my below-average-for-men people skills, to get a job, when she just needs to sit there and look pretty and nod her head and say yes.

i am kinda assmad about having to compete with women for jobs, and i am assmad that they are handily outcompeting/outperforming me!