WELL-BEHAVED WOMEN RARELY MAKE HISTORY BECAUSE THEYRE TOO BUSY MAKING THE FUTURE

feb 18

BMI 20.4 atm at new lowest weight ever. i mean i should really stop losign weight, at this rate i will be UNDERWEIGHT

super unseasonably warm day in feb, like almost 60 degrees, can open windows, get fresh air in the house, bright sun. hasnt even been a bad winter tho, and i was expected it would be horrible cuz last winter wasnt that bad. i am sure we will get at least one or two more “big” snowstorms tho.

slept till like 1130 am, 12 pm, after my 2 benedryl and 2 valium day. not bad. tonight i would like to make a RARE social appearance just to show good will and good faith and moral support. basically involves going to a loud, crowded bar on a saturday night at a time when i am usually fully preparing to go to bed. but really the benefits of me showing goodwill are far more important than the costs of short term discomfort. which a normie woulnt even feel. hed say hell yeah, i cant wait to go to the crowded loud bar on saturday night and get foooooked up and maybe bang some single mom bar sluts! that is fookin TOIGHT!!!! NOICE!!!!

yep. buy a LITTLE bitcoin on a REGULAR basis. like once a week. 5 dollars a week. thats what I SHOULD have been doing for the last 2 years rather than buying it when i “needed” it, ie for muh cards, or when it was at a relative low price, or i was all out and wanted to give shekels to andrew anglin hahahaha. cuz it IS probably gonna go back DOWN again after this YUGE Rally ends. so why would I buy ANY when I know its gonna go DOWN.

yeah think i will take a valium before i go out. spend 20 dollars on people. at least 3 positive things with the people are being celebrated. maybe i should spend 30 dollars hahahaha. no 20 should be fine. take valium, smile and be nice, dont worry about being FUNNY or WITTY, if i can think of a good karaoke song, maybe do it, but prob wont hahahaha. i mean i like plenty of normie music but not listening to much lately. listening to winterfylleth and wodensthrone and now gris again hahaha. fookin black metal.

put a Dollop of Honey into muh bottle of drinking water. because honey is a miracle food like fish oil hahahaha.

yep might be even better than their previous album even if it is two fookin hours long. the ridiculous ungodly length might actually be warranted here. it is VERY melancholy and sad but to call it DSBM seems a bit insulting. I suppose you could say it is the best of the best of DSBM and also manages to capture Profound Beauty as well. just an honest sincere look into their souls. nothing phony or contrived or tryhard about it. just pure fookin honest emotions. i hope to not forget about this one. come back to it regularly. i mean its not gonna be a total buzzkill, it shows a range of emotions rather than “i hate muhself and want to die” hahahaha. but it IS kinda heartbreaking. good heartbreak music hehehe. sorta makes me remember the Lovey Dovey Warm Fuzzies for That Woman which I have managed to put behind me. this music reminds you of the Power Of Luv and how horrible it is when that luv is torn away from you.

would go EXTREMELY well with some MJ just saying. and i think it is more “multifaceted” and “dynamic” and more of a “pallette” than their previous album. the il etait one.

and i always forget they had another full album before that one!

anyway this enflamme album certainly grabs me the most out of any gris ive heard. proves to me these guys are true artists who really know what they are doing and are absolutely topkek tier black metal. sad and beautiful and atmospheric. very highly recommended. very moving music. and thats the whole POINT of music, is to MOVE you, touch your soul, make you feel something. yet its so hard to find music that actually SUCCEEDS in that, for me at least. at GRIS is successful as FOOK in this main mission of music. listen to this 80 minute album on repeat while smokin MJ all day and being alone hahahaha.

would totally see live but i dont think they will ever play live and def not within 500 miles of me hahaha. cant even buy a damn TSHIRT because they dont have any.

i dont think they have broken up, (only 2 guys, perfect size for a “band”), but they do take 5 years between albums. which is understandable considering the gravity of these albums. and this album was released in 2012….and whats the current year again? hehehehe.

kinda would like to know more about their personal lives. i bet they are total well adjusted NORMIES with wives and good jobs and they just have real good taste in music hehehehe. if they were truly UNHINGED at least one of them would be dead by now of drugs or K’ing self.

but yeah like a 2 hour documentary on the making of this album would be nice hahahaha.

theres even a blast beat on this album hehehe. and in general the drums are very rocking, you can feel him pouring himself into them similarly as he pours himself into those insane vokills. yeah same guy also does the drums. probably not at the same time hahahaha.

dunno the il etait album is still really good too. maybe more hateful and painful.

http://pastebin.com/6NQvtnfk

ok here are the lyrics for the album translated into english

prob should find same for the Even Better 2012 album

karaoke. i mean i LOVE the idea, i just can never think of a good song to do. the best i have at the moment is “white wedding.” you cant pick too WEIRD of a song, and I just cant think of a normie song I could really get into. i guess any of billy idol’s 3 hit songs would be ok hahahaha.

http://www.mobilebeat.com/us-karaoke-alliance-karaoke-charts-%E2%80%93-updated-top-500-karaoke-songs-of-all-time/

ok i like this list better. lot better ideas here. shit it only has 100 songs.

well anything tom petty would be ok too.

https://www.facebook.com/notes/kenneth-fate/my-karaoke-top-200-songs-people-sing-1st-annual/10150206454426156/

some strange ones but some good ones too. i just want a list of 500 popular songs hahahahaha.

https://web.archive.org/web/20140214132819/http://uskaraokealliance.com/Top%20500%20Karaoke%20Songs%20All%20Time%20-2010.html

danzig mother, maybe. dio holy diver maybe. zoot suit riot. aqualung. we didnt start the fire. maybe a judas priest hit like you got another thing comin, breakin the law. couldnt do a real sweet priest song like dreamer deceiver because nobody knows it unfort. but it is immediately good and might turn people onto it.

ccr it aint me hahahaha.

i could do the cure, maybe lovesong. i do like the cure quite a bit.

neil young, heart of gold. i luv neil dearly and should probably do one of his hits like this one. NOT a 20 minute jam of like a hurricane hahahahaha.

http://cheezburger.com/430085/spotify-ranks-the-top-500-songs-for-millenials

the who, who are you.

hallelujah, LC. well i might go out on a limb and do first we take manhattan or im your man. dance me to the end of love.

see i mean i wouldnt go in there and request a GRIS or WODENSTHRONE song like a real autist virgin hahahahaha.

shit when i was DRINKING i wouldnt get NERVOUS about going to socialize at the bar. well fook it was a given i would get raging drunk. sometimes even buy a halfpint of whiskey before going to the bar and drink it before going into the bar. shit.

meatloaf i would do anything for love.

tom petty ok. last dance with mary jane is a big karaoke hit but i wont do that, not his best song hahaha. i would rather do american girl or free fallin or probably wont back down.

i once did roy orbison cryin very successfully. of course it was a reference to mulholland drive hahahaha. ive also done roadhouse blues and i think fat bottomed girls. back in my drinking days. i dont think ive ever done karaoke when not raging drunk.

ok took a valium then went out the bar. it was packed, standing room only, loud karaoke. stood around for 5 minutes looking for the people i was intending to meet. saw one guy i sorta know and said hello to him. once i was confident they were not in there, went outside for a while, smoked cig, another guy came out who i sorta know, real friendly and great guy but not really a close friend or anything, he said aw sheeeeit they’re not coming up here today, doing it next week instead.

now i could been BUTTHURT AF about people just forgetting to tell me, but i was not. i mean i NEVER go to these things. they prob figured i just wouldnt go anyway. so i went home and on the way got a call from one of the guys who was like omg i am so sorry. i figured the guy at the bar had texted him saying i came up there hehehe. so the guy profusely apologized to me and i said aint no thing, no worries m8, i know im always on the fence about theses things, no big deal, but i would like to come out to more things and not be a asshole hahaha, so yeah i will be there next week to see you all then.

i wasnt looking for an apology because i was not butthurt and not taking it personally, reacted rather sensibly hahaha, but the fact that he called me ANYWAY and apologized was a good signal. i mean he is already a good guy and something like this just proves that moreso. i said no worries m8, things happen, one of the people was really ill. i wouldnt have cared if he didnt contact me but he did so he scored some points for that, and he didnt really NEED to score any points because he’s a good guy, and this just further confirmed that. so i counted the whole thing as a win rather than a fooking abortion hahaha. i mean i sacked up and went there and showed some courage with the help of muh valium hehehehe. i showed some courage and good faith, and he showed me some courage and good faith too, because would i have made a call like he did? no the best i prob would have done is send a sheepish text.

yeah theres a lot of good maiden albums i missed out on. good thing they still sound really good and i could see myself getting into them. kinda kicking myself for missing the MAIDEN concert in… late 2015? for the book of souls tour. next time they come i will make an actual effort. at the end of the day, they are probably the better band than judas priest. their music is just a little better. however i do really luv rob halford and i wont right now come out and say that bruce is better than rob. i will say that bruce and rob are equally awesome. but the songwriting and musicianship of maiden i think gives them the edge over priest. guitars, bass, drums, insanely classic albums, in a way that priest didnt quite reach. but they totally get an A for effort. they just jumped around stylistically too much from album to album and having a minor identity crisis in that way, where maiden had an unbroken line of like 5 classic albums.

also i think the maiden fans are probably a slightly better community. just a bunch of fanboys geeking out saying UP THE IRONS and having friendly debates on which of the 5 classic albums is the best, or saying why lesser albums really arent so bad after all. except for the cover art of “dance of death” or whatever the name is of that one with the ridiculously, embarrassingly bad cover art.

wow really taking a crap on priest here hahaha. for a while in my priest phase i was saying, you know, maybe halford IS a better singer than bruce. rob is really really good and the best part of priest, but i dont think you could put rob in bruce’s place either.

if someone is a big iron maiden fan, they are probably a good decent person hehehehe. by that i mean someone who could discuss at least 3 albums in depth with you. i am kinda on the borderline. but i have been a huge fan of the powerslave album for at least 13 years and i think that counts for something hahaha. that was when i first knew maiden was a force to be reckoned with. just didnt spend those 13 or more years wisely listening to their other albums.

anyway maiden will always give you good feels, lift your spirits, where something like say GRIS will not quite do that hahahaha.

maiden will boost your confidence, which is the most important thing for all men, SO, I prescribe you to listen to at least one maiden song EVERY DAY. ideally at least 3 songs hehehehe. you could do a lot fookin worse.

 

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HAVING A GOOD JOB IS HERCULEAN ENOUGH

feb 14

got home, took benedryl, ate lunch. did not sleep ideal last night due to trying to “play catchup” with job related stuff at home. because i did not feel productive enough at job, so wanted to get more stuff done at home. good idea but dont want to get carried away. ended up going to bed at least an hour later than target. and then staying awake another hour past that due to interesting discussion on tucker carlson show hahahaha.

got thru day today, which at previous job, it was a MIRACLE from GOD just to survive ONE day at a time. dont have to worry about that here, thank GOD. before, in those dark days, i would be working FT hours and still feel the need to “play catchup” at home to study all the shit i didnt understand, prepare for the unprepareforable, wind self up, drive self crazy.  just to feel like you werent the worst most incompetent most unproductive loser there. fight to compete and survive.

and grateful that today, i dont really have anything to catch up on, and i can just take benedryl and go to bed at the ideal time. and that even though i didnt get enough sleep yesterday, it didnt make me terrible at the job today. i mean increasingly my sense of worry and dread and confusion. had barely any anxiety today. have pretty low anxiety in general for this job thank GOD.

MIGHT take another benedryl today. although i could kinda take a nap right NOW, at 324 pm.

ok took another benedryl at like 445 pm. go to bed around 7. coming up soon. 556 now. took brief powerwalk. good. sun was out, was well above freezing.

ate some velveeta shells and cheese, it was tasty and i like their stupid commercials with the wild west tough guys in the velveeta aisle, but it was a huge waste of calories. each 800 calories of that stuff and felt like you just had a tiny snack. much better to just eat a big beefburger. stay away from mac and cheese, esp velveeta, unless you want to be a FAT VIRGIN.

was thinking on my party day friday coming up i will take TWO valiums. and one benedryl. rather than two benedryls and one valium. really trying to feel the intoxicating effects of the valium hahahahaha. was comparing valium to MJ. I will take 1 valium and not feel a thing. it is like 1/4 of one puff of MJ. i want to take enough valium to feel kinda like i took a full puff of MJ hahaha. makes you think about how STRONG, how INTOXICATING, that one fecking PUFF of MJ is. enough to make you feel DEFINITE effects. not so harmless now eh stoner ph4ggots?

https://archive.is/LRe05

did i link the hatefacts library of hate yet? the master list. i will put this in the sidebar because we will all need it. when arguing with middle class shitlibs who make more money and respect than we do, on why hwytes deserve genocide for their crimes. time to step down, Powerful Man, and give all those people you’ve hurt a chance. and pay them all reparations. NOPE. its very frustrating to be IRL with an arguing shitlib and you dont have the sources at hand to refute them. well here you go.

i guess george feels wont smoke MJ because he thinks its DEGENERATE. well thats a damn good reason. i think its degenerate too, but i want to smoke it. and i am no special snowflake. its STILL degenerate. but i accept I WANT it. but there are things that are far more degenerate, like DRINKING, or eating too much, or PORN, or vidya. i just see it as a pretty good reward or reinforcement.

brand new epsiode of the krypto report, with andrew anglin joining azzmador and ken once again. WOW. wonder how long this will stay on soundcloud. i bet its gone before may 14 2017 hehehehe. 3 months. but its a great show. all these guys are so great. give them bitcoin. i will give them some soon.

theoretically, the state could set up a law for retail MJ shops at the same time they set up laws regulating Medical MJ dispensaries, so when they legalize MJ, they will have a framework to start selling MJ retail on DAY 1. this of course will never happen, its too much effort/work for one thing.

it would be funny if TRVMP legalized MJ because he thought it would be good for business/economy hahaha. which it would. but would it make less money than law enforcement, pharm companies, and cartels are making now because of illegal drugs? yeah probably. therefore it will never be legalized hahaha. but it HAS been legalized in like 6 states!!!!

and in most of those you are still gonna wait at least another year before you can actually BUY it.  well i wonder if you could buy from a “caregiver.” they are all licensed the same way medical MJ patients are….right? in a way that dispensaries DONT really have. right?

so, only hwytes can be racist because hwytes are in POWER and have used their power to oppress and hurt all nonwhytes, therefore, hwytes need to PAY THE PRICE for all the wrongs they have done throughout history. the hwyte race DESERVES TO SUFFER. this is literally the core of what antihwyte antiracists believe. what it all boils down to. you cant be racist against your oppressor! you hating them is just JUSTICE, the appropriate response to their injustice against you!

you could easily get an average hwyte shitlib to agree with that! to agree that their own race deserves to suffer! these people simply feel ABSOLUTELY NO allegiance or kinship or even the fooking barest fooking CONNECTION to their race whatsoever, and I bet they would damn tell you that! nope, being hwyte means NOTHING to me, in fact it has negative connotations for how shitty hwytes as a race have been, and i dont want any part of that. thats what hwytes are, COUNT ME OUT.

i guess its really hard to CONVINCE people to FEEL something for their race when they just dont. it’s like trying to convince somebody to love their children…..but they JUST DONT. and what would you say about those people? that they are hopelessly broken and fooked up and kind of a monster hahahahaha. what kind of person doesnt care about their CHILDREN?

not caring for your race is a LITTLE more benign, ie, just plain NAIVE, and not necessarily MALICIOUS. maybe give them the benefit of the doubt bc they just DONT KNOW ANY BETTER.

but some of them do. some of them, when confronted, will say. no. thats bullshit. why should i feel any connection to these white monsters? i dont want any part of that. how can you feel any connection to race when 1. race isnt real, its socially constructed  and 2. whites have done far more harm than any other “race” in history?

people who think like that, they’re a little bit worse than just naive, and dont give them the benefit of the doubt. just let them go hahahahaha.

feb 16

wewlad off for a huge weekend and would really really luv a YUGE thing of MJ right now. and dont want to do this a few months from now when i should be doing a new horrendous job search. that will hopefully be better now that i am not an unemployed neet, thank GOD. george feels feels bad about being a 32 year old virgin, but being a NEET is MUCH MUCH MUCH worse. and at least he is not that!

even though i am practically a virgin, i do kinda feel glad that i’m not. at this point i have to REMIND myself that i’m not, that hey i did have SECS a couple of times 13 years ago hahahaha BUT AT LEAST IM NOT A TECHNICAL VIRGIN hhahahahahaha. no im not thankful for the woman, she was a slut who it took no skill or charm to fook, and she gave it up just as easily to many other men, i was nothign special hahahaha. but at least i got it over with and i can’t say i am a 32+ year old virgin hahaha. i am not a virgin hahahaha. you can take that to the spank bank. its hard to believe, but i am NOT a virgin hahahahaha. but i do wish i had banged some MORE sluts hahaha. i had the opportunity to bang a second woman and I did not. because i wanted to have a real rel with her and make her muh gf. bad idea hahahaha. she was not good gf material! should have just banged her.  because after THAT, i never had another good chance. if i had a chance with a slut….i would probably do it. i would be nervous and feel terrible and not really enjoy it and certainly Double Bag it and she might even not be good looking. but in the long term i would probably feel better about Increasing My Number and hopefully improving my ability to get a better woman.  but i am not motivated enough to try “ONLINE DATING” hahahaha. and i hear there are a ton of sluts on there.

tomorrow: friday. hopefully do some semi productive errands early in the day, then PARTY with two valiums later in the day.

feb 17

not bad varg, not bad. this man is a winner hehehe. he has ALREADY won. thats got to be a great way to be. to already be a winner in life and to just keep on winning on top of that. you will NOT get tired of winning. so much winning. no wonder his wife has given him FIVE children.

so yeah i generally agree with him, buying LAND is GREAT. IDEAL. ideally you should have some LAND like Varg does. Own your own land. and then ideally build your own house on it. you own your own house and own your own land. prob will still need to pay property tax to zog, but at least you still own the property.

i dont like tiny houses but i do like SMALL houses. theres no reason to have a big house. so if you can build your own small house, fan fooking tastic. you are basically a winner then. it is no small accomplishment to build a house.

and only once you do all that can you get a woman. women are so ridiculous and would not be worth it if you didnt NEED them to have children. they give themselves away for free to the worst men and you cant get them to be loyal WHATSOEVER until you have achieved ABSOLUTELY HERCULEAN feats of glory, heroism, and victory. or have become Successful and Respected in the Current Year. the “easiest” way to do so is by “just” having a good job. that is HERCULEAN ENOUGH hahahaha. then you can get a n=50 SLUT to be LOYAL to you. until she decides she wants your SHEKELS but not you hahahahahaha.

anyway sluts arent loyal anyway. find a n<6 woman to be loyal to you. but you have to be damn sure to have those herculean heroic victories under your belt FIRST. its a PREREQ.

heh why arent there more 40 year old men marrying 20 year old women. it takes a LONG TIME to become THAT successful. till youre 40, at the EARLIEST.

cant find one video with the entire winterfylleth 2nd album, the mercian sphere. this is the one that came before threnody of triumph. better production than their debut which is certainly worth listening to. but sounds like they were still developing their style which you would hear on full display on threnody. mercian sphere seems to be where that style REALLY begins. so….another TOPKEK winterfylleth album here with mercian. ENJOY. YOURE WELCOME.

slightly productive today, friday, like i wanted to be. went to store, did errands. groceries. made 30 cigarets. took benedryl 1 at 3 pm. will take 2 valiums tonight. OH YEAH. maybe another benedryl too.

started weekly buy of 10 dollars of bitcoin. maybe bring it down to 9,8,7. just want to gradually build it up because I am THAT confident that over the long term, it will stabilize at a higher price than it is now. which is pretty high.

yep pretty much OVER that woman. free at last, free at last. only took 19 months. around 600 days hahahaha. that seems appropriate. women will jump into relships and bed with the next charming man before they get over the previous guy. this is so unfair and cruel to the current man. take at LEAST a YEAR without rels, without secs, without dating, to just be single AND CELIBATE so you can get over whoever you are hung up on. it isnt supposed to happen quickly.

but yeah i have pretty much forgotten the Special Feeling of having a Special Female Friend. this really is a unique treasure that nothing else can replace. something is definitely MISSING, but enough TIME has passed that Missing That Feeling doesnt bother me so much any more. but I KNOW its still MISSING, I know I want to have it AGAIN, I KNOW what a many splendored gift from GOD it is, and I dont want to go the rest of my life wihtout it.

varg sez, if land in your country is too expensive, then move to france where land is cheaper like he did. he says its 60000000 times more expensive to live in norway and i believe him, with all the outrageous taxes taking 60% of your income, and you have much much more buying power in france. i would assume land is way more expensive in norway too. and they have shittier weather and wayyyyyy more taxes. there was a commenter complaning that in SLOVAKIA land was really expensive. i was surprised by that.

ive looked at some land in my area, and its all over the place. i cant tell exactly how expensive it is. a tiny parcel in the middle of nowhere is really expensive, a decent sized piece of commercially zoned land in the middle of suburbia is not so expensive. and what about zoning? you cant just buy random land and put a house on it.

http://www.investopedia.com/financial-edge/0610/your-property-tax-assessment-what-does-it-mean.aspx

heh. they should teach this in grade school.

lost half muh big stack in all in on AA and the chump had a straight.  i guess not surprising. i should taken the board cards more seriously. whys he calling me. yep he prob has a straight. and he did.

an acre is 43560 sq ft. 75% the size of a US football field.

fairlay.com . place bitcoin bets. apparently weev made decent money here betting on trump in the election. they have all kinds of weird bets like that.

took the valium 1 at 7 pm. listening to gris hehehehe. great singer, music is like waves of pure sadness, but can get kinda boring hahahaha. MJ or hopefully valium will help be less boring. good sound system and not shitty laptop speakers on bottom of computer would def help.

ive lost more money on Bad Beats and Bad Flops with Good Cards, than winning money on Good Beats and Good Flops with Good Cards. damn. better stop gambling hahaha.

watching dazed and confused on TV.  i really liked this movie when i was young and is prob in my top 5 of most watched movies. so i have a certain nostalgia for it. interesting i think it is intended to evoke a feel of nostalgia for ones youth. but i am seeing how degenerate these kids are. these 70s kids are just as bad as the 90s kids. but maybe not as bad as the 10s kids because  these kids all do heroin and make sex videos and bang 50 guys rather than 10 guys.

the drinking and driving is especially ridiculous.  and also people not getting paranoid as fook in very social situations when smoking MJ and still being able to talk to people rather than sit alone in the corner freaking out just wanting to be safely home alone hahahahaha. or 9th grade guys actually making out with gurls hahahahaha. you have to be a kissless virgin till you are twice as old as wooderson.

but look how degenerate they are basically worshipping MJ. loving getting stoned and being the stoopidest fooking Highons and thinking its AWESOME to be a RETARD. heh. and i think that kind of influenced me. i felt the same way. and i STILLLLLL want to do MJ every god damn day. RIGHT NOW just want to be blazed into retarded oblivion like these IDIOT DEGENERATES. only instead of hanging out with 18 yo qt gurls I would be by myself listening to black metal and playing cards and blogging hahahaha.

but it still is a fun good feelgood good feels movie and i would luv to watch it while doing MJ and cuddling with a Special Woman. never had that experience before hahahaha.

9 pm thinking about taking the big time valium #2

mitch’s older sister making out with jeremy london and then saying DONT YOU HAVE A GF…..well he is a scumbag for cheating on his GF but she is EVERY BIT AS MUCH OF A SCUMBAG for KNOWING he had a GF and LEADING him to the makeout.

the film doesnt make enough of a MORAL JUDGEMENT in places like this where it really should. but this is of course the director linklater, who i used to like, but now i realize he is a gutless relativism marxist atheist who thinks there is no right and wrong. he made a few good movies though. i would make a similar movie to dazed and confused but i would be careful to pass judgment throughout, like this is definitely degenerate, or maybe you can get a pass on this minor degeneracy of smokin some MJ, but not THAT more major degeneracy of cheating or initiating cheating, or being a fornicating sodomite.

915. second valium NAO. yep did it. i mean 1 valium is about equivalent to 1.5 beers at most. you gotta take at least 5 to feel something hehehe like getting nice and St0ned on MJ. maybe take 10 to be completed obliterated and stupefied.  and i “only” have like 80 valium left hehehehe.

but look at them in this movie just smokin MJ in EVERY SCENE and having a GREAT FUN TIME. makes you really wish you could be there doing that. at the very least you could be doing tons of MJ and making out with qt young gurls who hopefully wouldnt dump you before 5 dates and you would still be super young, like 18 or 19.

goes pretty darn well with the GRIS hehehehe. very similar vocals which is great.

ok that album was slightly boring hehehe. imho the second gris album is better. it might even be better and less boring than their first. even though it is an ungodly 2 hours long.

ok got muh minimum deposit into fairlay. but i cant figure out how it works. i also cant place tiny microbets. minimum deposit 5 mbtc, minimum bet is also 5mbtc. ummmmm.

ok i think i placed a bet that bitcoin would NOT go below 600 before march 1. i mean this seems obvious right?????? but its saying my bet is “unmatched”. and it seems like a shitload of people are betting that it WILL. which seems ridiculous. well you can cancel your bet until it is matched. i think. this is very confusing. i could very well lose my money hehehehe even though i really dont think i should.

3 valiums maybe? i am kinda treating it like i would treat mj. like wait a couple hours, YEP better go do some more until i am tired and go to bed.

no prob wont take a 3rd valium but very well might take a 2nd benedryl hehehe. just popping pills. this is reall just me being indignant and butthurt and little boy rage because i dont have MJ and I cant drink so this is the best I can do right now. or cant spend time with a special friend and get luv. MJ is a great substitute for that. dont have. i guess ideally i should have taken the first valium when i took the benedryl at 3 pm. cuz it seems a waste to take a valium right before bed. the goal is to be conscious enough to enjoy the intoxication.

 

SUCCESS = (WEALTH^TOUGHNESS)+EDUCATION

feb 11

w000000t finally lost 40 pounds since i started using myfitnesspal in january 2016. honestly thats a pretty big deal. for a very short man who was not extremely overweight to begin with. if i can do it, anyone can. i mean i cant even function in life, but i can lose a ton of weight.

had to do some more errands today, saturday. got them done before 12 pm. yesterday took total of 1 valium and 2 benedryl and was kinda hoping to sleep until like 12pm at least, but still woke up at 930 am, but very groggy, but strangely couldnt get back to sleep. so got up in the groggy state. went and did errands.

now the next big goal of the day is to go to the FATCLUB for an HOUR at about 330 or 4. use treadmill for 1 hour. burn about 420 cals hehehe.

also got a 5 dollar faded glory shirt at walmart. it looks pretty good, way better than 5 dollars hahahahaha. was worried about walmart on a saturday, but it was somewhat eaerly in the day, and it was kinda busy, and full of blacks and arabs hahahahaha, but still not unbearable, and no waiting at the self-scan.

i am also very nice to the blacks and arabs that WORK there because i know they have the worst jobs next to being coal miners. but i have no mercy for the blacks and arabs who shop there hahahaha esp if they are being obnoxious. how can you be obnoxious when you are simply shopping at the store. dont ask me, ask them, they manage to pull it off. i just get in and get out. very tactical. everything is tactical with me hahahaha.

i would much rather do MJ than go to a damn bar or club to try to meet slutty women. or even just meet new people in general hahahaha. now that second part is a Problem. i should want to meet possibly decent people MORE than i want to do MJ. but meeting new people is inherently stressful and not fun for us anxious types. to make normal nonawkward conversation with strangers is very very difficult and counterproductive. you just end up looking like an unlikable weirdo. of COURSE sitting at home, doing tons of MJ, and listening to music and playing cards is preferable to that.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/9413-betsy-devos-hitler-in-female-form/page__st__80#entry329805

new mpc thread on betsy devos and education and strivers and kollige hehehehe and the shitty striver managerial class

of course muh swpl colleagues are horrified by devos because shes been picked by the orange cheeto misogynist racist trumpanzee, and “school choice” is just a “dogwhistle” for keeping black kids out of your white schools. give school choice to the hwyte racist kids and give no choice to the poor blacks, keeping them trapped in a cycle of Generational, Institutional Poverty and Powerlessness.

https://www.city-journal.org/html/no-thug-left-behind-14951.html

article referenced in same good thread. (CJ is a decent right wing journal where halfway decent joo (((theodore dalrymple))) did/does a lot of writing) gangs of black thugs roaming the halls of suburban schools for free lunch and internet, and starting huge 50 person melee brawls, while diversity consultants are brought in to train everyone from bus drivers on up as to why diversity is awesome and that you as a hwyte have tons of built in prejudice and privilege.

good news is i went to the fatclub, on hamster wheel for 65 minutes. bad news is now i feel very Gassy and it is rather uncomfortable and cant seem to expel it effectively. still the pros outweigh the cons hahahaha.

well it is gradually coming out thank GOD hahaha.

completely unrelated but a great video from the great weev on why anime and japs are not honorary 4ry4ns. i myself would extend this sentiment to beta phaggots who think asian women are better than “western” women. and i am sure weev would agree. weev is one of muh favorite people and favorite Thinkers. i would luv to meet weev one day but i would settle for a conversation with him which i would of course want to record and share with the world. also nice shot against albanians too hahahahahaha.

YEAH the message is always more important than the messenger…..but the messenger is important TOO. and weev is a very important, very valuable and awesome messenger, and yeah i have some hero worship and fandom for him.

so i will continue to donate to weev and have trust and faith in him. if he had a joo wife…..i think he would be forthcoming about it. i dont think he would ever have a joo wife. he’s probably fooked joo sluts, but thats fine. he’s NOT gonna fall in luv or get married to a joo, he has a god damn huge NOT WELCOME tattoo on his chest!

and theres so many people who claim he IS a joo and or a plant or spy or fed. i mean i guess its possible. i would be very disappointed if that were the case hehehe.

yeah gambling is degenerate but i had a good hand here:

2017-02-11-19_09_15-cardamom-0-02_0-04-no-limit-holdem-replay-14623748

he could have easily beat me with an A. i knew this all too well, it’s happened many times before. but he’s also going nearly all in preflop with AQ unsuited. and here i was worried he had AA hahaha. and thank GOD he didnt get an A in the cards.

heh. i am gonna start listening to all podcasts etc at 1.25 speed hehehehe. really saves time hehehe.

watching 90s SNL, and really bringing back the nostalgia here. when i was a young 12 year old or so and actually watched SNL and thought it was so edgy and funny. well to be fair, when i first discovered SNL, it was mid 90s classic cast: mike myers, dana carvey, phil hartman, adam sandler, chris farley, all those guys. dennis miller, jon lovitz, julia sweeney, kevin nealon, the horrible joo al franken as the fun character stuart smalley. he belongs in the oven but that was a great character. even though he was prob mocking goys. i still like stuart as a character. totally relate.

now the 90s were a terrible nihilistic time…….but so are the 10’s hahahahaha. things seemed nicer and more innocent watching this. i guess it really wasnt. but SNL wasnt as shitty and horrible as it is now.

feb 12

track/tier education sounds good, but wasnt i already a product of that? i was sorted into the top tier, and lets just assume low, medium, and high for simplicity here. i was sorted into the high based on muh high performance in high school, and, tbh, middle school.

but then you can very legitly divide that top tier into 3 tiers. based on where you’re from. flyover middle america trump voting hwytes, lower middle class, working class, even the high achieving kids aren’t gonna get into that top tenth of harvard, ivy league, top univs, top careers in NYC or DC.

HOWEVER, you can still go to State College and become VERY successful in your flyover city as an engineer, accountant, top manager, maybe medical, maybe lawyer.

in other words i think i went to TOO elite of a uni, which gave me a peek into the world of an elite i didnt even know existed. east coast people who want to go to grad school at harvard, in other words. people who work at high, visible levels and get their names in big media outlets. i have seen muh old uni classmates names in the joo york times, i regularly see this one guys name because he is a Full Time Journalist with a pretty big east coast shitlib magazine and writes anti-trump and antihwyte editorials every day. of COURSHE he is a J and I never really knew him, but he was an acquaintance of a friend. I probably saw him at a party.

I wouldnt get this at a less elite uni, wouldnt get this peek, and sometimes i wish i hadnt gotten that peek, and lived in a simpler world, surrounded by people who just wanted to get normie middle class jobs in flyover city, not peopel who wanted to Shape National Discourse in NY and DC.  it was thoroughly confusing and disorienting for a basic hwyte flyover boy in lower middle class who vaguely wanted to strive his way into the regular middle class.

for me i think it would have been better to be a big fish in a small pond, in other words. would have boosted muh confidence which would ahve boosted my performance, when it really mattered.

in other words, gone to a uni which was more like my high school.

there was a great idea in that MPC education thread (srsly read the whole thing) where education Professionals believe  that attainment = home life + education. but that is naive, and its really like attainment = home * education. and home life can be broken down further into (emotional stability) * (parental investment/competence.)

and some would further argue that its (emotional stability)^(parental investment). or maybe the other way around hahahaha. point is, exponential rather than straight multiplication.

of course thats where my ears perk up. because i had GREAT parental support, great upbringing, great family, BUT I was highly emotionally unstable. emo unstable, AND great family, AND great education, and I still turned out a HUGE failure, moreso than people from worse families, who went to worse schools.

so in my mind, personal emo stability, aka normieness, aka the opposite of neet loser neuroticism, is THE single most important thing. so does that mean its the base number or the exponent in an exponential number hahahaha. like 2^60000000000, or 6000000000^2.  i think the former would be bigger. i think hahahaha. YEP its the exponent is much more significant. just compare 2^100 vs 100^2. no question about it.

moral of the story: i should have started going to a shrink when i was like 12 or 13. not 18 (which i didnt, but that would have been a better time), and not….25 or so when i actually did. by then too much fookin damage had already been done, when you should be establishing the course of your life.

so i might never have a wife and children, but i damn sure want to help other hwytes secure the existence of THEIR children.

i want ALL kids to succeed. black kids, white kids, arab kids, brown kids. i am a total white knight for KIDS. they are innocent.

but i ESPECIALLY want HWYTE kids to succeed, and it ESPECIALLY triggers me when they DONT succeed, and those are the people I want to help.

” well whites have white privilege so if they cant succeed despite that, thats definitely on them, they have to be irredeemably fooked up, they are BEYOND help, besides, you shouldnt want to help them, you should WANT to end white privilege and help create EQUALITY for ALL kids. either push whites down, and or bring nonwhite kids UP. ”

is the mentality of EVERYONE in education. well, 99% hehehe.

in that city journal article, there was a great comment, if you can’t do, teach. (i knew that one for years.) if you can’t teach, ADMINISTRATE. i LOL’ed IRL at that one. esp since i recently had a thought that maybe i should think about getting a masters degree in education administration hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

hey shit maybe i would be perfect, because i cant do AND i cant teach hahahaha.

well i think i sorta COULD teach, but i dont want to be in these marxist environments. which would be even worse at the admin level, because your job is to CREATE these marxist environments!!!!!!! fook that!!!!!!

but yeah charter schools. devos. school choice. i wanted to get more informed on all this. because all the cool kids hate devos, hate school choice, hate vouchers, hate charters, because all this is “RACIST.”

so i expected MPC to be all about vouchers and charters but they kind of arent. they are more about getting rid of the DOE altogether and getting rid of things that make schools nonwhite. and establishing a better track/tier system in the schools. uhhhh cant say i disagree with these things either!

someone made the interesting claim that the biggest fans of vouchers are “talented tenth” blacks who have the agency to strive for better and move out of the hood, and also…. lower class whites who want to strive for something better, and they cant afford to live in neighborhoods with hwyte schools, and they cant afford the best private schools, and they sure as hell dont want to put their kids in their local nonwhite infested public schools.

really i think homeschooling is a great solution, and i think MPC would agree with me here…..but its VERY hard for working class people to do this, to survive without the dual income! to have the mother stay home and homeschool the kids!

hehehe also note how shitlibs think homeschooling is the worst thing ever, and is just a DOGWHISTLE for racist fundamentalist christian hwyte parents to BRAINWASH their kids and turn them into little hateful bigots just like them.

watching “driving miss daisy” in the background, seems like a decent movie (i saw it many years ago) but I had no idea that they were JOOISH! ie, miss daisy and dan aykroyd are JOOISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! going to TEMPLE!!!!

i had no idea! i just figured they were supposed to be White Racist Plutocrat Superrich in the prime of ill-gotten Hwyte Privilege from the LEgacy of Slavery in the South. this totally adds an element to the story i was NOT prepared for, PLUS its COMPLETELY unbelievable to even THINK of jessica tandy and dan aykroyd as JOOS, because they are CLEARLY NOT.

i dont even know whos jooing who anymore hahahahaha.

damn i dont remember this movie at ALL. like the jooish aspect is pretty in your face, not a minor thing.

also she is a TEACHER who thinks she is smarter than everyone. INTERESTING. ok what did her husband do to make them so filthy rich. theres a factory there, maybe a clothing or a peach factory hahahaha. lets find out

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driving_Miss_Daisy

damn this is inconclusive. doesnt say what the husband did to make them so god damn top 1% rich. implies that miss daisy doesnt understand she is a Persecuted Oppressed Minority Victim until the temple is bombed during the Civil Rights movement, probably by KKK terrists hahahaha. i would think that joos have this identity of themselves being jooish from a very young age. i mean the film starts in the 50s but people were already aware of MUH SHOAH by that time.

le sigh. whats better. a movie showing joos act like racist hwyte assholes, or a movie showing hwytes act like racist hwyte assholes.

so whats the point? they act hwyte but ebil hwyte racists dont think they are hwyte???? but really joos are basically hwyte? except when they want to be nonwhite??????

obviously touches on a few of my fav themes. hehehe. i should be watching it with great attention, but dont really want to. would rather be ranting on muh blog.

ok, but there are plenty of upper class (many jooish) kids who are BATSHIT INSANE, borderline and bipolar, and they still become successful, complete graduate degrees at top schools. or at the very least, get ok jobs through their families connections. or go to vacationlike inpatient programs is more like it hahahahaha.

like what about rich kids that get totally fooked up on DRUGS, so fooked up they can’t complete a masters degree hahahaha.

in other words, i am as fooked up as the most fooked up jooish rich kid, and they can still become successful because of their rich background. my background was pretty damn good, prob above average, but it certainly wasnt Rich Upper Class!!!!!!! but it was still Pretty Damn Good!!!!!! but we DEF didn’t have a lot of Family Connections that could get me a 28k job somewhere for the Fooked Up Black Sheep Son who was too mental and neurotic and lazy to handle Grad School hahahahahaha.

so really maybe its success = (normieness^Wealth)*(education)

in other words, my fam was well off but not rich. maybe if they had been RICH, it would have been enough to outweigh my CONSIDERABLE neuroticism.

cuz you know , 2^3 vs 3^2, it’s really not a big difference, and hard to tell which is the exponent and which is the base hehehehe.

and i am WAY more neurotic than muh fam is “wealthy.”

but your family being rich, thats NURTURE, while you being crazy is NATURE. so im saying that NURTURE is stronger than NATURE. which is a pretty SHITLIB, MARXIST, JOOISH thing to think!!!!!!!

so yeah i wouldnt mind studying Rich Kids who became Failures. but they always had a safety net. my fam was not RICH, but they were rich enough for a safety net. which i guess IS pretty rich. privileged hehehehehe.

but whats even more privileged is being able to call someone and get your fookup loser son a job, and my fam was well off enough to give a safety net, but they didnt have that kind of “SOCIAL CAPITAL” at all.

guy on MPC thread on elizabeth warren says that its FALSE that medical bills are the #1 cause of bankruptcy. and that any bankruptcy attorney knows this. which supposedly warren IS or was. heh. so whats with this stuff ive heard from “bankruptcy experts” on what the number one cause of bankruptcy is? if you cant trust the experts on a very big thing they SHOULD know……who can you trust? you cant trust doctors who spent 6000000 dollars to go to medical school? can you trust your wife? your family?  well thankfully i could trust my fam to have good intentions at least, not to mention a safety net, which a lot of people dont have!

i mean there ARE real experts in the world, who DO know more than laymen!!!!

they says its good to be skeptical and question authority, but what if you think all authority is full of shit, lying to you, scamming you? i just dont want to be that paranoid, its really not fun. i like to think SOME people know what they are talking about, and can actually TEACH me something.

heh. i trust the guys on MPC to be fairly smart and wise on many things. probably TRS too but im still taking a temporary break from them, i am pretty much over the thing there. and i am not longer really disappointed with mike. we cant all be like weev and be fully redpilled before we get married. in fact if you marry young, chances are you wont be redpilled. and its better to marry young. except sometimes you might marry a J hahahaha. thing is, i think they were both over 30 though. they werent 20 year old kids getting married.

normieness = TOUGHNESS.

 

NO DIRECTION IN LIFE

feb 8

kinda grumpy today even though i had a decent day at job. not sure why, not sure it even matters why. all day at job i was not so grumpy. just started when i got home. felt like a real loser. NO DIRECTION IN LIFE. it was prob hearing about this colleage womans daughter who is doing WELL in life. has plenty of direction. prob about 22 years old and looking at a highly selective Doctorate degree in a health field. they dont just want good students, they want good students with volunteer experience and LEADERSHIP qualities and letters of recommendation to back it up.

current the young woman has a 2 year degree in the health field and currently works FT in that field, with yearly opportunities to level up, take more training, and get pay raise. and rather than say this is it, i’m done, she says nope i want to do a highly selective competitive DOCTORATE degree that will DEF add to respect and pay and opportunity. i mean this isnt The Humanities were talking about.

and i was like shit this girl is only 22 years old at MOST. why didnt i just do something like that. how did i let myself get so far off track. why couldnt i just have had DIRECTION IN LIFE like that at that age. even now I dont have any direction. i dont think about graduate degrees like that. i just think of it as dues to pay, a grind, that will HOPEFULLY open more doors, but maybe not, just like regular college. If college is high school 2.0, then graduate school is just high school 3.0.

and right now i am tired and grumpy. took a benedryl at like 3 pm to prepare for early bed at 7 or so. but so tired at 3.44 i could take a damn nap right now. after a 6 hour Easy Day of Job. not working a 16 hour shift of a tough health job, on your feet, dealing with dying patients, running make and forth, making Creative Cognitive Decisions, and then coming home and working on online Graduate School, reading long dry papers, writing long dry papers, taking tough exams, doing Research.  but it is a good school and good program.

was talking a Choice Customer yesterday and found he had started a phd at a really shitty and expensive online college. I thought shit, why the hell did you do that. he was 1 point off on his major research project and essentially kicked out of the program, well, sure he could continue if he continued to pay them big bucks. and he’s taken a ton of random graduate programs at tons of random “third tier toilet” and worse colleges. and NOW, at 60 plus years of age, he is trying to get into yet ANOTHER graduate program, a phd once again. i just hope the school is ok, it seems better than the online bullshit (even though it is still online), and that they accept some of the work he’s already done and he wont have to start at square 1. because he is a great guy, very willing to work hard, not a lazy guy.

i cant think of ANY lazy person that lazily got a masters degree as a kind of high school 3.0. EVERY one was hard working and motivated as FOOK, even if the college was bad and the degree didnt pay off. (In most cases, it did pay off though. just not for my 65 year old buddy unfortuantely. well, SOME of his graduate work def paid off in his career. just not enough of it IMHO.)

anyway. to think i would not be worthy of this 22 year old woman because she is way out of my league. and she IS. way younger AND WAY more ambitious AND way more successful at 22 than I am at 31+ and probably ever will be!  I have no CHANCE of Dating a woman this high quality!

not that her career ambition MAKES her high quality, because i dont think women NEED that, but it MIGHT correlate with the positive trait of not being a stupid party slut.

now i only know the mother, who is my colleague, who is a very nice and friendly person, and SHE has a masters degree from a Good School. shit i think she has TWO masters degrees. i cant even force myself to get ONE hahaha.

i also have a pretty good idea that parents who are successful masters degree professionals are good at guiding their children down similar paths, and the children are usually good at going down these paths. like this womans daughter im SURE works very very hard, because you HAVE to in order to do that stuff, but I’m also pretty sure the daughter is not Struggling so much that she is on the Verge of Falling Apart just trying to do the bare minimum of admittedly Super High Expectations and Responsibilities. I was always on the EDGE of FALLING APART. and at least two times i fell off that edge and DID completely fall apart and break into 600000000000000000 pieces. so naturally thats a big worry of mine if i ever were to somehow get a lot of responsibility, that i dont think is as much of a worry to these hard working, successful young normies.

heh. bought a piece of silver for the first time in at least year and a half. 1 oz britannia round from modern coin mart on ebay.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/142175132771

seemed to be decent price, havent bought silver in forever, and dont have a britannia yet.

Super Secret Encrypted MEssage

—–BEGIN PGP MESSAGE—–
Version: GnuPG v2

hQEMA6lWRv7xrsmBAQf+N+dROPciJd/jdagcLINT/Ez1ntHRHPKoaLph/6M6QBPg
WeKsGTd31pV+/DpqorcpiHa/Vl7fOn/ckv5FxwlhxZAUWtTrZb8tgT0ut8g8AYnw
i/IAlpegKGEUUeRKo6G8++jmEc50XGtX4jpNaTRB0RPNmQlgDKZRgQ8qNTwIBxOG
KV0O+KNkeGitYZA+55/FhGGuCJxb+MtciR32oRBxGIQwwD+4OIxLheB9EeY2Y6e3
MqjaAA63YICqnoJ2O8EyCSekajkvjj8wCNGmhP3bed/tyBb42GXqWDu5iMWceFZW
il6Gu3a7ECwMIhFZDSJxshn4obymahkTnh58WpKOztJbAaX+kv5vG4orVpXNVqAI
KrnFppWcxD2YdaAKpuyneF8ZM1rc0F/GB1aLbPzgXdS+l64ELrANlTbwWBYJVJZ9
iq+qb0xHHGCnNZNX74HfNuOL59pjg2w8759o7Q==
=AoQy
—–END PGP MESSAGE—–

that is what an encrypted message looks like hahahaha. i wonder what it says hahaha.

if you give a person both the unencrypted  message and then the encrypted message, can they then determine your private key? your public key? and then decrypt all messages you encrypt for that person?

my thought is no. hopefully. i mean i thought PGP was so strong even NSA/CIA/Kremlin/Mossad couldnt break it!!!!!

heh. MJ’s price is like over 10 times that of silver, but like 7 times less than gold.

had a flicker of interest in checking out “higher education administration” masters degrees but the one in the area is full time and also has a YUGE emphasis on Social Justice and Equity. like these are literally the first things they mention when describing the degree. DAMN. NOT A GOOD SIGN.

all in preflop with AA. he had JJ and got a J. no A for me. lost it all. IM OUT!!!!!

it was a kinda bad beat, not the worst beat, but I CANNOT lose sight of the fact that i DID THE RIGHT THING by going all in with AA. now if I had KK, I dont know. I worry the other guy had AA. but going all in with AA vs JJ is ABSOLUTELY the right thing, EVEN THOUGH I lost.

feb 9

saw muh older teacher Buddy today and he is jsut a great guy. i dont like to see him toiling on phd stuff with shit tier schools who then leave him in the lurch. he is meeting with a new school soon about a new phd program and hopefully they give him good news and also let him use some of the stuff he’s already done. i cant imagine having that kidn of motivation at age 65 hahaha but GOD BLESS HIM hahahaha.

so i asked him if i could read some of his papers, could you just shoot me an email, or show me some papers on your flash drive. he said sure and i popped in the flash drive and copied a few papers for my reading pleasure. just so i can get a better idea of what his work and interests are about. his intellectual pursuits that dont involve teaching intro classes to 19 year old arab punks hahahaha.

because his background and interests are KINDA similar with my own. except he took infinitely more graduate level courses than i did, which I did zero hehehehe.

but hes written a lot of stuff and i dont think much of it has gotten PUBLISHED. maybe one paper in 20 years. talk about discouraging! but this doesnt stop him.

anyway, i basically have to get the papers directly from him if i want to read them, so i did that, and i am happy about that.

not surpirsingly the stuff reads like dryass academic articles……which they are.

i mean this guy is the antithesis of dry. he is high-energy, sociable, extraverted, friendly, engaging, charismatic, his students love him, with good reason. he really needs to write a Nonacademic book.

bringin out the BIG GUNZ today, the start of muh weekend, when I would really like some MJ hehehehehe. but yeah this is a classic black metal album of all times. its classic for a reason. and not just the title song. the whole damn album. if you are down with weakling you are down with me. just top tier shit. topkek. vocals are just fine. ok i wish they did another album, and im not THRILLED that the bass player was a jooish woman. i dont think she had much creative input though.

heh. read the 40 page paper of muh “colleague.” well i mean double spaced word document and 10 pages was references. it was well referenced at least hahaha. very well referenced. i know da phds have systems and strategies and software to keep their references straight. but this guy…..is not super duper tech savvy, think he probably doesnt do that.  great guy tho. i am not dissing him. i mean the whole time he was working more than full time, has like 3 now adult children, and when he wants to take it easy he will do sub teaching to grade school kids in a good district.

theres one more paper i got from him, a 50 page paper that is the closest thing to a dissertation, on a diff topic than the previous paper, and hopefully he will be able to “recycle” this when he gets into the new program. he is a great guy, have kinda a mancrush on him.

dug around in email and found my old song from 2008. saved it to google drive for double backup hahaha. its still a good song even though i played it very sloppily. and i was a young, dumb, drunk loser absolutely killing my brain permanently at the time.

feb 10

MW doing some great obvious mansplaining. none of us should need this, but i really like hearing smart articulate people articulate it, and i would prefer my waifu to nod her head and say yes i agree with that and i’ve acted in accordance with that.

“SHE DOESNT TAKE REPRODUCTION, THE MOST PRECIOUS THING SHE HAS, SERIOUSLY.”

how is this SO hard to understand. j00 lies, thats how.

also more common sense which i need to remember more often:

  1. it severely hurts womens (and to a lesser extent mens) ability to PAIR BOND or CONNECT with a Mate, and this is of course related to the main point above

now MW seems to buy into the idea that Previous Fookbois DNA somehow permanently stays with the women and can influence the DNA or development of future child she has with a DIFFERENT man. this isnt the first time ive heard this theory. it sounds ridiculous but i grimly accept that it could be a fact hahahaha. there needs to be more Real Science on this, but that will never happen, couldnt get funding for that.

day off, tried to be productive, not neckbeard until at least 5 o clock, mainly succeeded. got up, did errands and such. got a great pair of 12 dollar george pants (tan/”barley”) from walmart, greatest pants EVER, so greatful to GOD that i have found these god blessed pants. fit just right, nice classic high rise fit, are pretty soft, look somewhat dressy and have a crease, have unpleated flat front. PERFECT. i hope they never stop making these.

also did grocery shopping and came home and cooked the beef. i bought really cheap beef which felt someone slimy. next time i will not buy the cheapest beef they have hahahaha. hope i do not get sick hahahaha.

trimmed beard with level 2, prob ideal to do this once a week.

and, very bigly, attempted to hem the leg of my nice walmart pants because i am a short manlet with like 26 leg hahahaha. it became so frustrating and time consuming just to try to iron a straight line on the legs that i gave up, unfort. basically you need to iron TWO straight lines in EACH pant leg before you start sewing. one for the actual new bottom fo the leg, and ANOTHER 1.5 inches below it where you actually CUT the leg and fold it under and do the sewing.

it all get twice as complicated because you’ve turned the pants INSIDE OUT.

and i dont know how to put a PIN in the leg at the desired length, and then fold the leg under so it creates a perfect straight line at the place of that pin.  let alone 2 straight lines. so frustrating to do it, and also frustrating to not be able to figure it out, and just give up. maybe i will try again tomorrow. i ironed one leg and the two lines were clearly not parallel. i was using a ruler to measure up from the bottom, and using a special fabric marking pencil i got in the ladies sewing aisle at walmart hahaha. but actually folding it into the straight line was the impossible part.

at muh social function was finally confronted on muh political views, not in a suspicious or bad way, but like well what DO you think about this. these are two VERY leftist guys who are HORRIFIED about trump, HORRIFIED on the travel ban, are ELATED that the travel ban has been shot down by judges, are disgusted by trump and his unethicalness, its been a horrible 2-3 weeks, im scared for the future, this is the worst president weve ever had, shit is BAD, what about flynn and putin, the bad news is that these guys actually read the news and are interested in news and politics, and the one guy is very articulate in arguing for his textbook New Upper Class SWPL leftism.

So I have to soften myself and CUCK myself because i dont dislike the people, but i know they would dislike my real views. so i said welp im probably a little bit the right of you guys, i had a big libertarian phase so i am pro-gun ownership and fairly libertarian on gays, and im also very interested in fascism and globalism and nationalism, see evola and riding the tiger and the kali yuga.

thankfully i found out one of the guys was more reasonable on guns than i thought he was.

but yeah both guys are very smart and read huffpost type stuff in great detail and have detailed opinions on judges, obamacare, mattis, flynn, travel ban, guns, abortion, gays, gorsuch, etc.

they are more tuned into news and politics than average person, and also more leftist than the average person. how do i always end up with the leftists hahahahaha.

so it came up because they were so WORRIED about whats been going on. trump should be IMPEACHED. he WILL be impeached. he will prob be impeached in under a year. trump is TERRIFYING. I cant BELIEVE this is our president. nevertrump sort of guys hahahaha. successful men over 30 years old.

one semi joked about an “INTERNATIONAL JOOISH CONSPIRACY” and I semi joked back, no, i’m not into conspiracies at all, but i do think it’s important to take an uncompromising look at jooish interests, they are real. although i didnt say any of this intelligently or confidently.

in the future i guess i might mention the alt right, and how you would agree that its important to understand how trump has mobilized a voting block among Working Class people. Populism. As a working class man from a working class background, I think these peoples interests are very valid. i do identify with middle american and i believe they are getting slandered as stupid ignorant backwards racists when they are really just average, everyday working people who want the best for their children. they are not so bad as rachel maddow and huffington say. their interests are my interests. i will try to say something like that.

but yeah. i am disappointed that i sounded like an unprepared idiot. cuz especially the one guy is a very strong communicator and arguer. and i dont want to argue with him hahahaha. both guys are way more successful than me.

so yeah but i am happy i was somewhat productive today. still would LUV some MJ of course. planning on taking a valium very soon, and then a benedryl before bed. ALREADY took a benedryl a few hours ago.

can you pgp things other than text? like files? i know you can pgp encrypt a hard drive.

yes you can. i just encrypted and decrypted a mp3.

ok 7 pm friday. gonna take the valium. ok took it.

but yeah. these guys are textbook New Upper Class Educated Professional masters degree joo york types. except one of the guys has very working class background and has no good reason NOT to be a trump supporter. the other guy has a much more middle class career much more in line with his Educated Professional views. although his family is kinda working class too!!!!!

probably made a mistake even mentioning fascism and anything slightly jooish. should have just said im a little bit more rightist than you guys, i read BREITBART sometimes with muh huffpo and msnbc hahahaha.

i dont even read breitbart and i never read huffpo unless i want to get Triggered hahaha.

also took a nice brief powerwalk because it was kinda sunny and slightly above freezing and i said it would be STUPID NOT TO, so, glad i did that.

i know there had to be a time when the majority of people on jeopardy didnt have graduate degrees or were grad students. but it is not so in the current year.

heh. it just feels wrong to have men and women competing against each other in almost any setting. ESPECIALLY FOR jobs and WITHIN jobs. and even on jeopardy. a program ive always enjoyed watching and playing along with, i am above average good at it, toot toot.

this winterfylleth album goes very well with their previous album “the threnody of triumph” hehehehe

 

THE PERFIDIOUS MVRDERERS OF CHR1ST

feb 4

not super productive today, just listening to winterfylleth and drinking bulletproof coffee hehehe. but i did kinda sort figure out how to GPG/PGP encrypt and decrypt messages, so that is good.  you basically need a gpg program like gpg win to do all the work.

i was confused because i was like, well, if people share their public key, cant you just take the encrypted message and decrypt it? with the public key? this was a major misunderstanding on my part. PUBLIC KEYS CANNOT DECRYPT SHIT. they can ENcrypt your message TO that public key. but theoretically the owner of the public key has to input his secret password to then decrypt the message. now i guess if the feds got THAT password, yeah youre fooked.

i just hope the shit isnt stored in The Cloud somewhere. but what if your computer dies, and you get a new computer, and want to prove that you own this public key. because each public key is paired with a private key that i think resides on your computer, and you need the password to get at. so im saying, what if your computer dies? where is that private key stored?

https://gpgtools.tenderapp.com/kb/gpg-keychain-faq/backup-or-transfer-your-keys

other people have thought of this situation and you can backup your keys like so. well this is for the mac program.

well me thinking of this situation means i am not a total idiot, and that i grasp the concept ok. because it seems that storing the private shit out In The Cloud would be a yuge security weakness. i mean YOU need to have ultimate control over YOUR key- not google, not gmail, not yahoo, not microsoft. otherwise we would just trust google to encrypt our emails. then the feds could just subpeona google and be like decrypt these. same as if they subpeonaed them and said give us ufmll’s emails hahahaha.

big technical knowledge. this is why i make the big bucks of 13 grand a year hahahaha.

great new podcast. yeah i linked their 2nd episode too hahaha. its all good.

on this episode azzmador and ken have on matthew heimbach and emily youcis. great guests! terrific!

https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/

hehe i need to go to meetings. even though i havent done MJ in 5 months.

https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=1456

they have a forum thankfully….but it is not super active

https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=1244

Touching Story of a man who is counting the days “sober” and is really struggling. hope he doesnt fall off the wagon. he hasnt quite described what made him actually WANT to quit. me, i wouldnt want to quit. shit. i havent used in 5 months and i still think about using it every day!!!!! i just cant GET any, which is not this guys problem, as where he lives, there are retail stores where you can just walk in and buy MJ. probably WA or CO. is it like this in oregon? as of october 2016, yes hehehe

but nice and heartwarming to see this supportive community who genuinely want to help each other out.

super bowl. more like j00per bowl. gayper bowl. the ultimate in prolefeed and goyfeed manufactured by the scheming schlomo. no thanks schlomo. get the fook out.

yesterday took a valium and 2 benedryl. i expected to fall asleep into a 12-14 hour coma but had a pretty normal 8-9 hour sleep. and i am the type of person who NEEDS 9 hours of sleep every night. but sometimes i like the idea of sleeping for 12 to 14 hours. recreational sleep hahahaha. and when i get the time to do it and cant do its kinda annoying hahahaha. like wanting MJ but not being able to get it.

but i just remembered that i could try to claim “nausea” as my qualifying condition, if i didnt think i could fake “chronic pain” which is by far the most common reason for medical MJ. because its a bunch of hwyte working class people that break their bodies with construction jobs and have legit broken backs, so half of em get into opiates and half of em get medical MJ. cuz of their very physical JOBS which have RUINED their bodies permanently and given them permanent, chronic, severe PAIN.

i would rather do MJ than try to bang sluts.

was also semi tempted to looked at porn but i did not and im pretty sure i wont, i mean i dont want to throw a year down the toilet haha. i guess i just wanted to be Aroused and to find a women secsually attractive and to get as close as i could to having Recreational Secs. I always wanted to enjoy secs just like all the other people out there banging like rabbits, so i was kinda jelly of that. and porn was the closest substitute i had. look at this vulgar, disgusting jooish perversion of secs and jerk off to THAT. thats the closest youre going to get to secs.

bipolar sluts is a step up from that. shit full blown HOOKERS are a step up from that. even goddam STRIP CLUBS. and I HATE strip clubs. and i am thankful i came to view porn with the same UTTER REVULSION that i view strip clubs. because really, porn is WORSE. its pretty much the WORST THING EVER. it is total JOOISH CANCER.

but today i was thinking of excuses. like what if i were to look at young gurls in bathing suits. or amateur stuff. that’s not made by jooish pornographers, its home made by normie people!

this stuff is almost as bad, it shows how normies have gotten POISONED BY PORN, that they think porn is so fun, that they want to MAKE IT THEMSELVES. they enjoy consuming it so much, they want to MAKE it. it turns normie people into PORNOGRAPHERS. and we can all agree its even worse to be a producer than a mere consumer. being a consumer is bad enough.

anyway i dont want to look at okcupid for women to date/casual secs hehehehe. i will just end up comparing them to that woman. well maybe not. but i will eventually SEE that woman on okcupid because i can totally see myself looking at every woman on okcupid in a 50 mile radius, and i know she’s on there. well, she was like a year ago.

shit i dont even know if shes alive. maybe she became a heroin addict and died of an OD hahahahaha. no its not funny. she hated hard drugs but what if she was pushed to it?

how is using a vpn different than using TOR? which is “safer?”

http://security.stackexchange.com/questions/72679/differences-between-using-tor-browser-and-vpn

read and understand.

ok i still dont understand. explain like im 5 hahahaha. now i have to be the vpn vs tor SME and explain to a paying customer why our vpn company cant fix their broken vpn, thats not a bug thats a feature.

https://www.deepdotweb.com/jolly-rogers-security-guide-for-beginners/combining-tor-with-a-vpn/

https://thetinhat.com/tutorials/darknets/tor-vpn.html

some def easier to read explanations

oh its terrible how you can rationalize it to yourself. like, watching some Independent Camwhore doing Solo Dildoing is way less degenerate than watching some clearly joo produced filth like facial abuse or max hardcore. and you know, maybe it IS. but its still a god damn slippery slope.

oh heres a good one

2017-02-04-20_40_23-spearmint-0-01_0-02-no-limit-holdem-replay-14518362

bad beat for the AA guy hahahaha. havent had one of these in a while. hence the proud screenshot hahaha.

well is it ok to jerk off to pictures of like college girls on spring break in their bathing suits bending over or something.

again its less degen than porn per SE BUTTTTTTTTTTT

what about jerking off to purty gurls on facebook hahahahaha thats definitely not porn!!!! theyre real life people!

yeah well you shouldnt do that EITHER, you should go out there and talk to those gurls in real life and try to date them. jerking off to their pictures just makes a sad fantasy and makes you super weak and beta and terrible and weak. like when i was getting feels for that woman and spent too much time just looking at her pictures and being like awwwwwwww i wish she could be muh gf.

DONT DO IT. only do real life shit. i should have deleted facebook at THAT time.

feb 5

gayper jooper bowl today. 630 pm. want to be productive today. do some prep work for the week. have a task where im like i uhhh really dont know what im doing here. so i will make some flailing efforts at it and show i am really willing, if not quite ABLE, to work on it. 2 other small tasks that I am much more able to do. want to do all that today. its like being in School and you save all your homework for Sunday because you are too cool and h8 skool too much to do homework on friday or saturday like all the tryhard kids that want to go to grad skool hahahahaha. i would mock them then, but im jelly of them now hahahaha. they knew the deal.

watching gayper bowl just for the horrendous commercials. i am seeing a bunch of emo, sensitive pvssy, multicultural bullshit. stuff that appears to The New Upper Class rather than the White Working Class who youd think are more likely to enjoy Murkan Football. unmasculine, unamerican commercials. the MURKAN NATIONAL ANTHEM replaced by foreign language sing the words in their foreign language in a “TOGETHER IS BEAUTIFUL” coca cola commercial. this is not a new commerical, but its still HORRIBLE and downright disrespectful. kinda like the horrible national anthem performance by the Wimmin of “Hamilton.” i thought this was FOOTBALL. FOOTBALL used to be masculine, working class, and at least somewhat huhwhyte. I understand plenty of blacks enjoy football. fine. and that the majority of football players are black thugs. fine. i’m talking about as a whole. football used to be a whiter-seeming sport than, for example, basketball.

does the New Upper Class even WATCH football? they might watch the super bowl. for the commercials. I am reading the charles murray book “coming apart” and half the book is about the “new upper class” which is basically modern SWPL yuppies. professional SWPL shitlibs with graduate degrees from good schools who make 100k+ a year and drive volvos and shit. decent book and i respect charles murray, but a younger, better hwyte author needs to write the next book in this series. because yes race and esp hwyteness does matter, and also this culture of the New Upper Class is steadily trickling down to the Upper Middle Class and the Middle Class. people that didnt go to elite universities but still have masters degrees, make 80 grand a year, and like SWPL shitlib bullshit.  it’s not just the top 1%, or the top 5%, it’s probably the top 20 or 25%.  they might not be AS rich and powerful as the New Upper Class…..but they definitely emulate them and their SWPL values.

murray implies the New Upper Class covers the whole political spectrum. while also saying that it skews liberal. well, i think it does a hell of a lot more than just SKEW left, it’s 90% or more left. it heavily heavily skews left. also I think the right-leaning tiny minority will also show some slight cultural similarities with the hwyte working class.

anyway i like murray because he talks about race and iq and education and class and status and middle class and upper class and working class, and culture, and intellectuals, vs anti intellectual proles, and elite skools and careers vs nonelite skools and careers, and east coast vs flyover middle america. smart guy but he could stand to be a bit more controversial imho!

yes i also own “the bell curve” hehehehe.

my colleague requested a photo of muh self they could use on a company webpage and a short bio. i already had a bio ready to go of course, but no good photos. i do not even have a damn smart phone or digital camera. i had to set up muh laptop computer on a series of boxes so the webcam was at about head level and then do that with an online webcam app that produced a photo of not-great resolution. not a high-resolution photo like i wanted. phones can give you a higher resolution than this. also it took FOREVER to have a face that was somewhat normal. I decided to have a Friendly Smile because everyone else there has Friendly Smiles in their pictures. it took FOREVER to get the picture. it was very frustrating. it probably would have been easier with another person using a camera or phone to take a picture. its prob easier to have a normal smile for another person. i can do a small Thoughtful Smile well, but not a larger Friendly Outgoing Normie smile, and especially not an Open Mouthed Laughing Smile where you look really happy.

go to shrink tomorrow (after job), then day after that, go to family docker (after job.) really want to ask the docker about “getting a copy of muh medical records” pref in pdf or doc form. so i could have that handy if i ever sack up and go to the shady MMJ doctor to try to get them to sign a form. there’s nothing IN the records that would technically qualify me. it’s more to show a Bona Fide to the shady MMJ doctor, that yeah i have records and i’m willing to bring them in, and though they wont necessarly back this up, here’s how i think MMJ could help me hhahahahahaha.

 

SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS

feb 2

start of The Weekend, just want to do MJ like a loser hehehe.

feels of inferiority that i am not ATTACKING my job as much as I SHOULD be, not showing as much initiative, not being CREATIVE enough, not taking charge enough. usually when i do this i am blowing things out of proportion. and i worry what they say about me when im not there, um im getting second thoughts about this new guy, he’s kind of underwhelming, i expected more, he can do better than this, what kind of damn mental problems must he have, i mean just look at the facts, how old is he again? damn. DAMN. and he obviously doesnt have strong communication skills like he said he did, everything he says is an awkward meaningless jumble of words.  im sure he doesnt have a gf. i wonder if he lives with his fam. PROBABLY. WOW. how did he ever let his life get so OFF TRACK?

that is the type of shit i worry about now hahahaha.

i just dont want the nice people to be disappointed in me because i am uhhh kinda underwhelming and dont have a yugely confident charismatic presence. i mean i try my best folks. its a day by day thing. i have only been there 2 months. is this normal hahahaha. its normal to feel like an impostor. it took at least 3-4 months before i stopped feeling like an impostor at muh old job.

heh some MJ would help take the edge off that time hehehe.

its just different. its the type of thing where people work on a bunch of medium and longer term projects, rather than very short term cases. and when i end up with Downtime, well hehehe i feel guilty, because other jobs, when you get Downtime, you dont sit there and study work related stuff, you get your HOURS CUT, you get SENT HOME EARLY, so youre not costing the company money.

well today i was given a project and it was sort of challenging but people were offering with ideas but i didnt want to BUG them, plus i had enough to get me started, so i continued down that path, presented my results at the end of the day before i left for the weekend, essentially showed some work of what i had been doing the past 3 hours hahaha. it involved me trying to figure out something i wasn’t really strong on. i just hope they werent disappointed in me in that they expected me to Totally Fix It by the end of the day. i mean im not given super urgent tasks at any rate.

i THINK its gonna be OK, but yeah. always doubts and insecurities in my MIND.

feb 3

day off.

got some walmart george 12 dollar pants, gray. classic fit, flat front. they fit perfectly and were not that horrible “modern fit” which “sits lower on the waist.” I HATE that shit. totally satisfied. would totally buy another pair, and i might do that next week to replace another pair of pants that has gotten too big for muh incredible shrinking body hahahaha. 32 waist hehehe but im sure its a little more, tape meaure says more like 33, but most companies run a little big thankfully.

struggled against satan today and WON. got up, day off, wanted to be productive and no idle, run errands, not immediately sit on the internet for hours. get something done early, first thing in the day. got good 9 hours of sleep. did not turn on tv or computer. intended to go get haircut and to walmart and other store. felt anxiety and doubt but pushed self to do all those things. got nice haircut, boost in confidence, good. wanted to get new shirt for job at walmart, maybe pants. ended up getting nice shirt and pants. the pants are awesome but the shirt is a little bigger than desired. ideally will return it next week.

got groceries as well and then came home and made food to last me the next 3-5 days. AND did 1 load of laundry AND made 30 cigarets while the food cooked.  listened to new fatherland while doing the food and cigs.

and now its 543 pm, starting to get dark, and playing some cards and listening to new moonsorrow album for the first time

not bad, no surprises here. but for me i need to be in the mood, and i havent been in the mood since this album came out months ago.

ideally i would have a ton of MJ and would be blazing it like MAD right now. and similarly yesterday. but i dont. i laughed when thinking of finding a shady character at walmart and seeing if i could buy 20 dollars of MJ from a random shady black or brown person. i did not have the balls.

also i brushed teeth which i sometimes “forget” to do on day off, which i shameful.

also trimmed beard to level 2, ideally do this once every 2 weeks. last did this 2 weeks ago.

ok want old school epic metal, should listen to this hehehe. i recall the first song being awesome. and it is. varg v’s fav bathory albvm. he makes a comment here and there are shitloads of people calling him a shallow minded disgusting racist nazi and quorthon would have hated him too.  metal antiracists are the worst. go read that j trash metalsucks dot com. i thought you people prided yourself on being tough and iconoclastic and nonconformist. the best way you can do this is be a racist hahahahahahaha. and you have idiots loving a Heritage Loving band then bitching about people who say muslims get out. oh no, you get out you terrible racist, quorthon would have wanted hordes of muslims taking over europe.

well, maybe he would have, we cant say, he has been dead for years. but yeah it grinds my gears to see metal degenerates be all like yeah stabbing somebody to death and burning churches is cool, but being a racist who loves the hwyte race is so ignorant and offensive.

and i hold these “heritage metal” people to a higher standard because being Proud Of Your Heritage is really not that far from being Proud of your RACE, and willing to DEFEND it against its ENEMIES. but so many of them just shit on the idea of that second part. just bend over and get fooked. literal cuckolds hehehehe. metalcucks. bunch of pron obsessed degenerates hahaha.

heh. gay milo making big news with riots at berkeley. the next damn day people are rioting in nyc for gay gayvin mcanus hahahaha. what would they do with a REAL racist like richard spencer hahahaha. speaking of i thought he was gonna do a big college tour. he needs to have more of those like his thing at texas AM. do shit like that every week.

so yeah. glad i got a lot accomplished today rather than just neckbearding on internet.

so my gameplan was to “PARTY” tonight by taking a valium, then a little later, taking a benedryl. this could potentially be dangerous, cuz mixing anything with benzos is risky hehehehe. so thats why im gonna wait at least an hour before taking the benedryl.

had dream, erotic dream, that i was banging this qt gurl i knew tangentially in kollige, and i regret not noticing and pursuing her more. i just forgot she was there. but i might have had a chance with her because she was really nice to me the few times i did see her. and she was super duper qt. so now i occasionally have dreams about her hahahahahaha. prob always will. better her than THAT woman.

in this dream we were in the room with another person, and the qt woman was THROWING herself at me, just jumping on me, wanted to get fooked hard NAO. i was like, uhh theres somebody else in here, lets get a room i mean, then ill be happy to fook you hard. eventually i just let myself get taken in having public secs like a degen, because how do you say no to a young qt gurl. you cant. but i was like hmmm i really dont like sluts, i was hoping she wasnt like this, and god damn shes gotta be bipolar. and how long is this gonna last. shes probably gonna dump me within a month. why cant she just be a nicer, less bipolar, less degen, less slutty gurl. but oh well i might as well enjoy this for the brief time it lasts. but its gonna suck when she loses interest in me quickly. and she is REALLY interested now. but thats nothing. shes gotten like this for lots of guys. im not the first and sure wont be the last. and THIS is not gonna last. its not gonna get any better than this. damn. i hoped she was a better woman than this, i kinda liked her, had a fictional pedestal fantasy of her.

listening to newest 2015 iron maiden album book of souls. never listened. bruce still sounds great. not sure how they will hold attention for NINETY fookin minutes. WAY too long. but it sounds good so far.

meh you know what i will come back to this one hehehehe.

so took the valium. see if that even works. it is old valium. but i have like 90 of them, might as well use them while i dont have any MJ. i guess its kicking in a little bit. barely noticeable. not like MJ where you DEFINITELY notice it. how is MJ going in MA and NV right now? i know in ME they dont even have retail stores. or in CA either. i dont think. it still takes a year to get that shit set up. weak hahahaha. they dont immediaetly turn into CO overnight.

But in fact, recreational sales don’t become legal until next year. (2018). in california. ok.

n Diego legalized recreational pot dispensaries on Tuesday and the city also opened up the possibility it will allow pot farms, manufacturing facilities and testing labs.

San Diego is the first local city to approve recreational marijuana sales since state voters approved Proposition 64 in November, and no other cities in the county have indicated they intend to follow suit.

jan 2017. ok so go to san diego if you want to buy MJ.

 

until recreational dispensaries set up shop, which Metro said could happen as early as March. nevada 2017. cuz i mean vegas is a popular tourist destination and plenty of cheap flights. probably cheaper to fly to vegas than to CO.

state legislators in December passed a law delaying the sale of recreational marijuana products in approved retail dispensaries until July 2018. MA

yep. winterfylleth. signed up for songkick just so i could get a notification if they tour in the US. hehehehe. listened to the whole 1 hour album. thats a long album and its a really good sign if i can sit through the whole damn thing.  just glad to really enjoy a new band.

anyway that dream. i ultimately dont like when women throw themselves at you like slutty bipolar nymphomaniacs because that means theres something wrong with THEM, and also theyre gonna lose interest in you REALLY quickly, and that is very jarring. i mean its only happened to me once but i never forgot it hahahaha. yes that gurl was bipolar confirmed and taking lithium before the age of 20.  heh. wish i had had more time to actually have a serious discussion with her about Bipolar and how she dealt with it. but that would involve her hanging out with me for an appreciable amount of time.

thats a good sign. is a woman willing to spend a decent amount of TIME with you or do they just want to fook and LEAVE ahhaahhhaaha. thats what i liked about That Woman is that she liked me enough as a person to want to hang out with me for hours. sometimes hahaha.

i mean come on. im really not THAT lame. i might be a little boring and an underachiever, but you could do a LOT worse than spending a nice solid 4 hour hangout session with me hahahaha. smoke some MJ, watch some youtube, talk about 1387, talk about JQ, talk about degeneracy, watch some TV and talk about how degen and J it is, play some games, watch jeopardy, play some mario kart, smoke some more MJ, cuddle up and watch the decalogue hahahaha, make some food, go get some food, go for a scenic drive, go for a scenic walk in the park, watch the sunset. sounds like a fookload of fun amiright? go to an ethnic club, where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to an artsy fartsy movie, go to a concert, go to an 1433 meetup where hopefully you dont dump me for an alphaer guy, go to the gym together where hopefully you dont leave me for an alphaer or blacker guy, hahahahahahahahahaha.

im secure about that because i really CANT compete with other guys for women. so if im hanging out with a woman in public where there are other Willing Guys, of course i worry that she’s gonna get a wandering eye and lose interest in me for a Better guy. also because women have historically lost interest in me really quick and gotten with other guys who they liked more.  shit yeah that is a big blow to your confidence.

and really i havent had a women interested in me in that way, even the slightest short term one month interest, in like…..holy shit TWELVE fookin years hehehehe.

but it was nice having a woman be interested in me as even Just A Friend when that happened like 3 years ago. 3 years ago might have been the peak of muh friendship with that woman. and holy shit even that is a long time ago. it doesnt feel liek that long hehehehe.

heh was a REAL BOSS today and put on track time starts on two youtube vidyas for good albums where the uploader nor any other commenters were generous enough to do that. you know. where you can click on the time and jump right to any song on the album for full album videos. hopefully will get plenty of upboats and thank you comments hahahahahaha. cuz these degen metal fans dont even think of taking 3 minutes to do this. well i wasnt any better until today, i never did this till today.

took the benedryl several hours after the valium.

went and installed f.lux on the computer to soften the harsh bright light of the screen at night time. with my tons of ram it does not have any noticeable memory footprint hehe.

george brand. for the man who wants to dress professional but also wants to buy his professional clothes at WALMART hahahahahahahahaha.

 

 

BULLET STATUS: DODGED

jan 28

so yeah ive been in my mind making all women into this evil jooish BOOGEYMAN, that all women are PORNOGRAPHIC, all women are as broken as the poor women IN porn, or, even worse, all women are as evil as the degenerate, EVIL joo PRODUCERS of porn. this is all patently WRONG but I automatically find myself thinking that way, and i gotta stop. use Ninja CBT to stop and correct these very pervasive automatic bad thoughts.

CERTAINLY watching porn for years contributed to my WRONG thoughts and feels here. and its GREAT that i stopped watching and developed a RIGHT revulsion to porn, BUT i then applied that same revulsion to normal average normie women, and THERE the revulsion becomes WRONG.

http://www.unz.com/isteve/slavoj-zizek-on-kevin-macdonalds-culture-of-critique/

steve sailer article, not a lot there, didnt want to read zizeks TLDR “summary”, mainly i wanted to know what “zizi” REALLY thinks, but zizi is kinda jooish in his pranksterism.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/4742-lighter-fare-women-being-women

hehehehe 52 pages of women bashing i can get behind. read em and weep. I should really dnate to MPC hehe.

this is why women shouldnt vote hehehe

heh forgot to mention when i was at the grocery store yesterday i saw two somewhat attractive ie nonobese whyte women….and they had little mudshark babies. certainly not the first time ive seen mudshark babies at my local supermarket but yes it doesnt rankle. since both of these women were still youngish and bangablish, not morbidly obese disgusting landwhales, and the kids were very young, no older than 3. kinda feel sorry for the kids! but they will just identify as black and prob be less conflicted than a Hapa and just lead a stereotypical black existence, muh dick hehehehe.

http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8017-the-red-pill/

check this thread out too, MPC respondign to reddits infamous sub

signature of poster threep: QUOTE: “The Js are the most worthless of all men. They are lecherous, greedy, rapacious. They are perfidious murderers of Christ. They worship the Devil. Their religion is a sickness. The Js are the odious assassins of Christ and for killing God there is no expiation possible, no indulgence or pardon. Christians may never cease vengeance, and the J must live in servitude forever. God always hated the Js. It is essential that all Christians hate them.” – St John Chrysostom

not bad, hahahahahahaha.

QUOTE from “Cuddle Workshop Participant” (HAHAHAHAHA!!!) on the MPC women thread: They can say what they want, but women themselves feel guilty if they had sexual intercourse with more than two men in their lives. Of course, they are trying to attribute this feeling to the influence of patriarchy, but it obviously has nothing to do with it. Everyone knows that negative consequences of rampant sexual life are far worse for women than for men. Sexually transmitted diseases are more dangerous for women, the risk of pregnancy is always present, the possibility of rape and violence by equally broken partners is very high and let’s not forget the various mental disorders and the feeling of emotional emptiness that regularly follows superficial sexual encounters, etc. If the latter is often felt by men, how much more will it affect women who are by nature more emotional? Ladies, it’s time to reject this farce of a “life philosophy”, reject J lies and accept your true nature. END QUOTE

NOICE.

its worth NEVER FORGETTING that most average women WOULD feel proper SHAME towards casual sex, and that the most hardcore pro-casual sex women are FEMINISTS who are all INHERENTLY severely mentally damaged, and that most normal average women ARE NOT FEMINISTS. EVEN IF they think they are.

red pill thread is great. so glad i have matured where i can see that guys like MPC are Correct and guys like TRP are Wrong hahaha. Bullet Status: Dodged to quote the great That One Guy later in this thread ( http://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/8017-the-red-pill/page__st__100#entry195832 )

this is probably the worst thing about porn, is that it makes omega men hate women and view all women as Transactional, Tit For Tat, Money Grubbing Succubi, All Relationships Are Essentially Prostitution…. when they are really not. but it totally makes sense that a man might begin his journey away from pron by reading TRP….but he will reach the wrong conclusions if he doesnt eventually move on TRP!

the only money grubbing succubi are the sleazy parasites MAKING the porn!!!!

but yeah it does all make perfect sense. you see women DOING this stuff and you think what kind of person DOES that? and then view normal woman as disgusting porno whores.

i would argue that even if you quit porn, which is great, but then became obsessed with TRP…..youve still lost. net negative.

so make sure when you quit porn, you dont replace one toxic mindset with another! TRP still has a pornified, jooified mindset! you can see the pain of these men fighting against the joo, but they think theyre fighting WOMEN!

moving right along from twin peaks sountrack to mulholland drive soundtrack, the excellent angelo badalamenti PBUH.

http://jackbaruth.com/?p=3529

normie guy with children shakes head at sleazy pick up artist

heh i definitely had a TRP phase, but i think i always felt that something was missing, this wasn’t the ideal, i have to move towards something better. i didnt want to live without women, i was interested in a wife and family.

well the good news is that i finally reached muh target weight, prob the lowest weight i have ever been since like age 21.

BMI 20.8. closer to underweight than overweight. hehehe. i can probably stop now. but why not stop at BMI 20 hehehe.  i mean i would accept a woman with BMI 21 hahahaha. i wonder what That Woman’s BMI was. no she was nowhere NEAR overweight, she just had a healthy amount of fat on her thighs and fat ass oh god shouldnt be thinking about this!!!!

if the J can brainwash me with his filth for years, then i can brainwash myself with antifilth!!!!!

pretty degen hahahaha. what exactly is the filmmaker, who has a really suspect name, trying to say? but i AM glad to see tonnes of comments saying put this absolute disgusting cuckold degeneracy in the oven where it belongs. dont think we would have seen so much of that sentiment 5 years ago. young men are waking up!

jan 29

sheeeeeit sunday. go back to muh job. see i dont want to be like a WOMAN or a MILLENNIAL. I want to take charge and show intiative and go above and beyond, but also my problem is getting stuck in a comfort zone and being AFRAID to move out of that. because i think im gonna bite off more than i can chew. but the happy reality is that its VERY unlikely im gonna be in a situation where i have to SELL or EXPLAIN something to someone where I can’t get some HELP if i need it. which was a HUGE problem in my last job, and is not a problem at ALL in this job, and i have to realize that THIS JOB IS NOT THAT LAST JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also my desire to do MJ. i have to tell myself thats not a HWYTE thing to do. ESPECIALLY the way I WANT to do it, doing MJ every day, that is a VERY NONHWYTE thing, very black or brown. so whenever i DONT do MJ, I am being moar hwyte and living up to my holy hwyte ideals. that is a GREAT thing!!!!!

wish they had more news on the recent march for life.

oboy these protests outside airports bc of exec order travel ban on muslims. great stuff.

went for yuge 2.2 mile powerwalk for the first time in a long time hehehe.  NEEDED to do that.

jan 31

QUOTE: Published on Jan 30, 2017
Young men, before they develop themselves with skills, life goals and a career, are vulnerable to developing obsessive fixations with women in order to allay their feelings of inadequacy. (This is why it’s so important to get young men into fulfilling careers as soon as possible, and why apprenticeships and guilds were such a good idea, and why it is catastrophic that female students now outnumber male students at university.) END

this fookin guy! doxed and living in exile, and he makes a rare vidya about WOMEN and getting feelings and ONEITIS for WOMEN. I agree with the above statement 14330000000000000000%. DAMN.

heh one woman hater in the comments says: Here are words of wisdom that an old mentor of mine taught me (and which I sadly ignored until it was somewhat too late): “ALWAYS treat a woman with contempt or they will treat YOU [with] contempt!”… END

shit i was a full MGTOW woman hater when i met THAT WOMAN, and fell in luv, and pedestalized, oneitis, etc. literally felt i would NEVER meet another woman like that, who made me feel that good, who i liked so much. and i haven’t! hahahahaha. but at least i am not in ridiculous pain any more. i got over her hehehehe. thank GOD.

but if i ever got those feelings again, boy that opens the door to some stupid shit, you get SO vulnerable. try not to be in a position so that if your rel with the woman turns to absolute SHIT, the rest of your life wont be ruined. just prepare for the rel with the woman to turn to TOTAL SHIT and then figure out your survival plan.

SOCIAL SKILLS ARE SURVIVAL SKILLS.

they arent just nice to have. they are absolutely necessary. you LITERALLY need to be VERY autistic to develop the technical skills to the point where you dont really need social skills. you probably arent that autistic……unfortunately. meaning its more valuable to develop your social skills over your technical skills. its still the hardest goddam thing in the world, though.

henrik and greg interact very well with each other. good conversation. i have probably gotten over the enoch thing. give him the benefit of the doubt. he’s done a lot of good, found himself in an IMPOSSIBLE situation, and also at the same time lost it all, had his life ruined, and i am bitching about his wife and him not doing good enough to dispel doubts. give the guy a break, he just lost everything.

now that woman, she could have done better hahahaha. i had a very different rel with her than i have with mike e. i dont have ANY rel with mike e hahahahaha.

feb 1

MPC is starting their own podcast. ITS ABOUT TIME. Pman announced it in december. WERE WAITINGGGGGG.

here is the guy Pman has been using as his avatar lately. review of the week. some kid, cant tell exactly how old he is, has 164k subscribers, and does reviews on food and drinks. lots of fast food. pretty hilarious. not sure if he is hwyte or J. he has very pale skin, very blue eyes, and unattached earlobes, but talks like a total Jooish autist. talks like an east coast J but palm trees in the background.

oh no, he kinda looks like that woman a little bit. she had a weird face like this. oh fook me hahahaha. i know she wasnt a J. i honestly dont know if this guy is a J. i only ask because he’s pretty J acting. or maybe he’s just a hwyte autist virgin!!!

i will give him the benefit of the doubt because he seems like a Gud Boi. and if MPC says hes all right, then he’s all right. looks like other people are curious to Dox him, because they are geniunely curious in him, as am I. theres a rumor his name is “John” but nothing substantial on a real name. also that he is around 22. anyway he must like his privacy and i cant blame him. he can have it! i just want good things for him. i dont want him to be living out of his car. or to be a J. or have a bad family. i want him to come out as Red Pilled and Alt Right hahahaha.

https://mpcdot.com/forums/topic/7673-reviewbrah-thread/page__st__80

MPC thread on him, aka REVIEWBRAH. i figure they will talk about the JQ somewhere in here, and if he is a J, they will make it clear here.

i mean he seems like a good boi. just a very young man. i wish him no harm. a few years ago i made a big deal out of reviewing a new burger king sandwich on a blog. i made a huge production out of it and it was pretty fun. i can totally understand why he does this and he does a great job of it. and he can obviously control himself well enough so that he can eat fast food every week and still be super skinny. good for him. i hope he finds a nife waifu.

for being autistic he actually doesnt TALK THAT autistically. he could PASS for a normie and get a gurlfran talking like that.

MPC in general likes him and doesnt think he’s a J. someone posted a pic that showed him with a catholic bishop, might just be someone who looks like him.

this is great. i mean you are amused and KIND OF making fun of the Sperg, but come out of it genuinely LIKING the guy and saying thats a good lil brah. his SINCERITY is NO SHTICK. i like that.

i guess he does talk about more than fast food. i mean i REALLY want him to talk about gurls and political stuff and morality. ethics. degeneracy. the JQ hehehehe.  neet outreach.

i always wondered who that guy in pman’s picture was and today i found out and it was awesome. thank GOD for this wonderful young man. i am already putting him on a pedestal.

i like the idea of a young man, uncorrupted, innocent even, who is on the right path, healthy life and attitude, is undistracted by degeneracy. i would let muh daughter marry him hehehe. i gotta watch his vids that arent food reviews. also he seems to be pretty confident in himself and not bothered by haters.

supposedly he called someone a f4g or a f4gg0t in his comments hehehe.