nov 27 wed

heh second day off in a row, starting to lose track of time. on muh thanksgiving vacation. ideally would do some chores today but it sez 14 degrees outside with wind chill.

had weird dream about i think she was Girl6. not really a weird dream, just a pretty normal dream, although she was giving me a hard time, and no action, cuddling, sitting on muh face, doggystyle, or otherwise. lesson here was she was treating me like a huge friendzone beta and complaining to me how some boy “totally legits me”, meaning totes creepy cray legit in luv with her, and she was maaad that she had to break his heart, why do boyz keep falling crazy in luv with me.

So I think I said something beta like I had become religious because I was praying so much for GOD to send me just one gurl who luved me. Although I said it in more of a grim way than a wah wah wah sort of way. still very beta. the alpha response would have been to say, “yep, i know that pain, all these grills are always in luv with me too, goin crazy & sh1t. I wish they just knew how to have fun without always falling in luv.” and then I would Kino her and bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang, and send her off to deal with the crazy boy, while I chillaxed poolside (or went to church), hahahaha.

dreamed I was in a College Dorm and people were depending on me to turn stuff in for them, put I still had 90000 stacked in a messy pile on my desk, shirking my responsibilities, and this time it would hurt other people too.

Anyway, always have college dreams, where I shirk and shirk, then things get out of control and I fail. not an unusual theme at all there.

then I was in The Urban Ghetto walking on the street in the middle of a sunny day, but I was still nervous I might be the victim of a robbery or kidnapping or Knockout Game by Urban Youths, in broad daylight. I saw two of them up ahead about one block and crossed the street. I was angry and scared that I “had to live” in such an unsafe neighborhood. Then I saw a big church coming up and stopped and looked at it to determine if it was my kind of church, and it was. Then I talked to a somewhat friendly nonviolent Old Man about becoming a New Member of the church.

And then I thought that was way better, ultimately, than being around Girl6, who despite having a Great 4ss that was so much fun to b4ng, she was a crazy and unpleasant person, and I’d much rather go to Church than hang out with her. But it was b4nging her fat young 4ss that was making things difficult for me, because THAT was more fun than going to Church. So I guess the solution is: bang her 4ss until I can’t no more, then kick her out and go to Church. Or simply announce I was Going To Church and that would be enough to scare her away.

Heh. It is kind of a disappointing feeling when you sort of want to J3rk Off, and then you try to think of a girl or girls, but none of them seems to be what you want. None of them is gonna get the job done. You could probably think about Girls1 thru 7, but that’s not recommended because of the Emotional Attachment. You just want a pretty young new girl. But all the girls you’ve seen recently aren’t doing it tonight. Yep, yer gonna have to fire up the computer and look at pr0n if you really want to j3rk off. then you decide that isn’t worth it, because you’re too tired, and probably just low libido right now anyway. that feel when, hahahahaha.

but overall the dream of girl6 stuck with me longer, was the bigger deal than not being able to think of a grill. I could have used girl6 to finish the job, but on principle that would be very bad, and I’m glad I did not.

Then I thought Yep I’m getting Way Too OLD for this sh1t, I will never have Feeeeeelings for a Grill ever again, there will never be a Girl8. If there were, she’d have to be super young (early twenties) and girls that age are not interested in Old Guys like me unless they have SUPER tight alpha game. Which I might have one day, but I’m still old and not quite there yet.

Then I thought, it’s really no big deal if there’s no Gurl8, I can live with that. But in that case, I would like to have a small Harem of 2 to 3 gurls ready to go at muh beck and call, for an unlimited supply of Sex for moi, at least, if not True Luv! Even 26 year olds, if they got a Great 4ss! Good Enough! Not PERFECT, Not IDEAL, but def GOOD ENOUGH, very live-with-able!!

Satisficing! And I’m not even lying. It would be NICE to have Gotten Married to Girls 4, 5, or 7 (Girls 1, 2, 3, and 6 were Bad Choices), but it’s merely a WANT and not a NEED, and, with sufficient Quality of Talent At my Beck and Call, I wouldn’t even think about that Want so much.

That is the lesson learned, and that’s the only reason I tell these embarrassing stories. to distill the Lesson Learned for You and Me.

That, and Religion/God is much more important than Young Tail.

That, and Girl6 is past her prime now in 2013. But when I first met her and fell in luv, she was in her prime. Wonder if I met her now, she would be just another past-her-prime grill that I say “nope not today” when trying to think of grills to j3rk-off to.

* Just discovered they have Apple Cider Vinegar Tablets. I am gonna try those and see how they work. But I’m not sure they’re “Organic” with the “Mother.” So does that mean it doesn’t work?






nov 25 mon

roissy / heartiste recently offered up a great Magic Bullet Point on a Silver Platter, so I’d like to “retweet” that here: To obtain the correct attitude when dealing with Women, to get that Alpha Frame, Confidence, and Attitude, Simply Imagine that you are Currently being Serviced by THREE young cute 18 yo QT’s catering to your every whim, rubbing their bodies all over you. Then you won’t slip up and say something beta, like you are Afraid of losing this one grill’s favor. Because you got THREE on ya RIGHT NOW. Make THEM work for YOU. What VALUE can they add. What can THEY do for YOU.

He also has great examples of Ellipsis Game. He’s got some great examples that you can put into practice immediately. magic bullets.
Like this one beta whose gurlfran looks very emo and unstable but ridic cute, she always looks sad or mad and there he is scoochign in close to her, trying to console her, rubbing his hand in little circles on her back like consoling an upset baby, when really what she needs is a good pounding. all his sensitive awwww baaaaaby what’s wooong, oh i wuv you, itll be okay baybee, our wuv will get us thru, you can do it babee. Thing is, he is a bigger and more naturally masculine guy than me. That was prob enough to pull such a cute girl in the first place, but damned if he isn’t gonna lose her with this super beta behaviour that thank god I know better. and THANK YOU ROISSY. not even kidding. his tone is harsh and mean but you can use his tips to become a solid alpha winner. I am gonna tell you pretty much the exact same stuff, but deliver it in somewhat more compassionate of a tone, because i’ve been there.

nov 26 tues

The real bad thing about Women is that They Lie and they don’t even KNOW they’re lying. Lord that is crucial. So you can’t hold them fully accountable for something they don’t know they’re doing. You should hold them a little responsible though, perhaps it will get them to Think More Insightfully About their Constant Unconscious Lying and hopefully stop themselves before they do it again.

Or maybe Constant Unconscious Lying is just an Innate Quality of All Women, like a Uterus and a Vag.

Either way, don’t let it harm you. Fake it till you make it: act like you got three 18yoqt’s on your D, until the day that you actually DO. And then you’ll never worry or stress about Women ever again!

Women Lie more than Men, Women CHEAT more than men. Women will Cheat without even really knowing it’s cheating. That’s the Rationalization Hamster for you! It’s powerful, but as a masculine man, you are MORE powerful and can TAME it!

READ HEARTISTE AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK. It gives you the IDEAL mindset regarding women. It can be a little “negative” seeming at first, but once it sinks in, this mindset is Comforting and really quite Zen and Peaceful. The Red Pill is bitter and nauseating at first, but once it digests, you will be a much more Peaceful Person.

But yeah Heartiste is a little meeeaan. You can live out Roissy’s lessons but not be wuite that mean about it. It’s just because he lives in washington DC. I’d be a lot more bitter if I lived in that hellhole too! guy should quit his job and move to a tropical island. not worth the money to live, work, and suffer in DC. NO THANK YOU.

Every man owes it to himself to Sow His Wild Oats, and with that implies that you should Give Nonmonogamy a CHANCE. “But I just want One Nice Girl I can Trust and Luvvvv!!” Betas whine. ok granted ok, but have you even ever TRIED having 2 or 3 qt’s at once? Give it a FAIR SHAKE, try to actually experience it before you claim that MOnogamy is the BEst BE-All End-All.

At the very least, you can only benefit from going through a Nonmonogamous Phase. It’s very possible that later, after your Wild Oats Nonmonog phase, you might then want some Monogamy.

But By god, wouldn’t you like to have a 3-way at least once in your life? Or even a FOUR-way???? you know the answer to that, look deep in your heart.

And you can even still Be Friends with Women too. Well, the ones you have no interesting in Banging that is.

“But Women Are more than pieces of meat to be banged!!”

yeah, some of them will be more than this to you. but most women will allow themselves to be treated like meat by the right (masculine) men. I just want you to finally get yours, and not to be a pathetic supplicating beta all of your life!!!!

HEh. betas’ problem is they WANT to RESPECT Women too much, and MEn and Women have inherently different Ideas of Respect. Indeed, it’s very, very hard to Respect a Woman on Men’s Terms. This is a classic Fool’s Errand: don’t waste your time and energy trying to Respect Women, because 99% they will fall far short.

And, as a win-win, it’s not really that HARD for a woman to be a respectable NAWALT, in other words, when you DO find a respectable woman, it should be easily apparent, and not drain too much of your time, energy, resources ANYWAY.

heh. just saying you should focus your time and effort on something more productive than women….like GAMBLING.

yep. if you don’t have the right attitude, women can be just as big and horrible and destructive of a SCAM as COLLEGE or CAREER. And I am here to help you get the right attitude. because that is both simple and excruciatingly difficult. not nearly as easy as successful careerfags would have you think! you can waste your whole life trying and failing to change your damn attitude! So i am here to show you the RIGHT way to do that.

“B-B-But I don’t want to HATE women!”
Only pathetic supplicating betas and scumdog feminists think what i’ve just described is “hating women.”



fri nov 22 2013

so fri is muh power day as i’ve said. day off, good times, just relax and neckbeard all day. OR be responsible like an adult and get chorez done. today I did something good for the karma, ie respond to Old Frandz who had contacted me more than a month ago. I fully planned to get back to them, it just wouldn’t be immediately. It’s OK not to get back to them immediately, as long as you eventually do! I like to take one to two months.

so wrote them nice long emails. WHen I did one, it was easier to get in the zone and do the other.


The other thing I thought might be fun, is to record yourself talking a long hourlong speech/lecture/rant to them, save it as a small mp3, and email that to them. heh. that way you don’t have to actually talk to them on the phone. hehehe. but it gives you another avenue to articulate your appreciation of them.

since last night been having fun listening to music, found some really hateful black metal that really scratches the itch. not gonna name the band, as when I name specific bands or movies, it identifies who I am. it’s bad enough I said “hateful black metal.” plus I still get a ton of searches for a specific guy I like who I prob shouldn’t have said I like, because again, it identifies me.

but yeah it’s all part of getting this new job. I felt a new leaf turning and felt, ok, now is the day to finally respond to those two old emials. and I did it.

again, if you’re a neet autist with no friends, alcohol can help you make friends. just don’t drink too much too often.

Protip: If you have a job, do everything you can to NEtwork. F00k College, F00k INternships, NETWORKING is the BEST way to Get Ahead. What I’d like to do is to NEtwork by going to relevant CONFERENCES and CONVENTIONS and MEETUPS and Seminars and Professional Developments and that sort of thing, where you can meet people in similar fields, but Different Companies, who you may be able to befriend with booze and food into getting you a better job at their better company.

SOmetimes these Conventions are presented to you on a silver platter, sometimes your boss makes you go, and that is great. sometimes you can forget they even exist because your boss doesn’t tell you about them, and you don’t think to seek them out until you are in a happy, clear-thinking mood, which is never.  So now I’m telling you, find the closest relevant convention and go. For example, there are no conventions for Part Time McDonalds Workers. But I bet there ARE conventions for Fast Food Managers. so go to those. or any sort of Customer Service Retail Manager Convention.

Or if you can do so without getting fired, constantly drop hints to your boss that you’d love to get sent to conventions or “PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT” meetings.

Or your boss hates going to so many goddam meetings, well meetings are a sign that you are a successful person with a good job, so offer to go to the meetings in their place and report back, after you have NEtworked with all the other Successful Winners at the meeting.

Less College, Less Internships, MOAR NETWORKING.

You don’t even have to TALK. Just buy them lunch and booze and get THEM talking. THen finish it off with

“I feel we’ve had an extraordinarily productive dialogue. I’m very interested in getting in on the ground level of your organization.”

Make flashcards with these stupid buzzword filled phrases if you are prone to forget them because they are stupid and gay, but they are your MAGIC BULLETS at one day making more than 37k a year and getting to bang women you can actually get it up to.

hehheheheh. No, you don’t need to make 37k a year to do that, you just need to B_     M_S___L__E. Go ahead and solve the puzzle, you know the answer!

Stefan Molyneux was saying some interesting things about “Love Lust and Attachment”

that it can be kinda shameful and unethical to use a woman just for sex, like oh I don’t like you, you have no VIRTUE, you just arouse my body, so I’m just gonna use you like a kleenex. Well, he’s technically RIGHT, but getting to use an attractive woman like a kleenex is a privilege most of us would be thrilled to have, despite if our friends roll their eyes at us trying to bang a dumb hot woman.  yes ideally we ALL want a virtuous woman, STEFAN, hahahaha. but we would also like to get some good banging in and sow our wild masculine oats too!

Obviously the ideal is the intersection, where we also lust for the person we find virtuous and admirable. Heh that is what happened with me for Girl 7. And I wasted like at least 2 years of my life on her because I didn’t Pull The Trigger soon enough, wasn’t masculine enough, and didn’t put my Bet in until I had wasted 2 years being in Luv with her! It wasn’t stupid that I was in Luv with her, because she WAS both Virtuous AND very attractive, but it was stupid that I didn’t take action IMMEDIATELY.  Stupid but still someone prudent, because it was understandable that I waited until we were out of Convergent Social Circles before I made my Big Gamble.

SInce then I have met Virtuous Women, but I haven’t been Attracted to them At All.

ANyway follow the advice in those articles below to try to get a GOOD internship. Not a BAD one. Only if you’re a young person though. If you’re an old loser like me, try to Network in Non-Internship Ways. And even if you get a “Loser” Full Time Starbucks Job, it’s still 900000000 times better than a part-time job, and you can still bang hotties, even if you don’t have the respect of Successful Careerfags who live in Solidly Middle Middle-Class Gayborhoods. F00k them. Let their crazy wives clean them out of all those careergolds they’ve worked so hard for, while you happily make 37k a year and bang hotties.

And you can still Do Good in the world by Volunteering for Good Charities or donating your money to Good Causes. Or by being the Cool Uncle to the Children of your Friends. Heck you can even have your OWN children if you want, provided you find a Virtuous Woman who wants to be impregnated by you, and that you can stretch the 37k far enough to raise children in a healthy manner. Hint: try to work from home and homeschool them. and maybe you can find a cheap house in a rural area.


nov 20 wed

still in shock. not even raging excited or happy. yesterday I was just exhausted and said f00k telling anybody, f00k crafting muh resignnation letter, imma just watch this hore movie and go to BED, and couldn’t even finish that, and was sound aslpee by 8 pm. NICE.

said I was gonna save all that till wed, would send out a resignation email to people by end of day wed. NOT LIKE I wasn’t giving Two Weeks Notice – more like THREE and a HALF weeks notice! I don’t think that can be frowned upon by anybody. Wrote a pretty good little letter too, very grateful and nice and thankful and non bridge burning, heh. It’s not like the people were BAD, the people were and are very nice and decent people. has gotten a little micromanagey lately due to new boss’s boss but doesn’t impugn the niceness of the people I work with. plus there is a lot of union drama, and health care law drama, budget drama, cuts cuts cuts for everyone and everything. Lean Times, grumbling. and I can’t possibly get the HOURS that a responsible bigboy wishes he could deserve.

heh will have to save that letter so I can use it again in two years when I resign from muh new job, hahahahahahaha.

i guess this is a logical Ending Point for this Blog, but I’m just getting STARTED here, baby. Now I hope to show You how, once you build up some MOmentum, you can then KEEP it going. So the next goal is to get with a Grill and tell you about that. Because muh new job is a Loser Job, it will prob not be an Attractive Grill, and thus I will complain about how godawful the Grill is, but you gotta do it, like EATING YOUR VEGGIES when you’re a kid and refuse to eat those goddam brussel sprouts.

anyway the whole job process only took 8 or 9 days, from first application to final hire.


nov 21 thurs

ok sent in muh “resignation” email yesterday afternoon with the plan to talk to the 2 people this monring. Must have said 100 Hail Marys while walking up. I can say 4 or 5 Hail Marys while doing a #1 in the bathroom. And went ahead and talked to both of those people and handled it pretty darn well if i do say so muhself, not to toot muh own horn. TOOT TOOT!

So I wrote a real nice and sympathetic letter saying sorry for making you have to find a new person, etc etc

 and the people were very nice when i talked to them in person. because they are very nice people THANK GOD! it has only been recently that somewhat external forces have been making the workplace a bit more stressful, and harder for people to be their nice selves, unfortunately.

*PROTIP: Say you would like to continue working there like once a month. Just to keep your hand in, not Burn Bridges. Might not be possible but won’t hurt to ASK.

* Also, if you haven’t gotten references from at least three people there, I mean Real LETTERS of reference you can save on your Drive and use FOREVER, DO IT NOW, you can always use that 1-2 years from now when you are trying to get out of your next job. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY LETTERS OF REFERENCE. MAGIC BULLET.

Anyway I fully intend to keep this blog going, I GOT to, because this is just the first step on a path. I still have a real bad attitude and see All Of Life as one big Many Headed HYDRA, with many Godawful Heads: Women, Jobs, Careers, College, College Career Cult, Internships, Marriage, Money, Debt, Cancer, Getting Older, Cars, Responsibilities, Trash Culture, Culture of Disposeability, Neetness, 30 Year Old Virgins, The Man Behind The Curtain, Boot Stamping On Your Face Forever, shall I go on, foreclosures, bankruptcy, gambling, drugs, alcohol, The Mainstream Media, Marxism, Young vs Old,  hahahahahahahaha.

So it’s a bretty weak argument for quitting the blog, because I am nowhere near being a Winner by ANY means. I just got a little good luck, and I want to keep it going. I suppose I won’t be an OFFICIAL winner until I have a Decent Career Job that is Stable and that is somewhat impressive to Intelligent MastersDegreeFags. And why do I need THEIR approval? Because their bullsh1t masters degree means they’re INTELLIGENT? Or their combination of the Masters Degree AND the commensurate good intelligent Career JOb they have, makes them a Winner, and I need the approval of Winners to BE a Winner????

At the same time, there are PLENTY of people who are Successful Impressive Career Job Winners with Masters Degrees who Aren’t “F4gs.” Heh. I don’t have a problem with say people who are 43 years old. 43 Might be my Favorite age for a Man. But I don’t like the people MY age because they are just starting to hit Mid Career Success, get married, have babies, really establish roots in their Succesful Grown Up Life, whereas I haven’t even STARTED this life yet. And I Gawk at 18 year old girls and say “OH YEAH. THAT’D BE FINE. YEP. OH YEAH.” I saw a 19 or 20 year old girl with short punky dykey hair, very nice pale skin, and ridiculously tight red pants that made her bulbous a55 look like a Tomato, they were so tight I’m not sure if they were tight pants or “leggings”, but that absolutely KILLED me. I wanted her to SOMF ALL DAY.

Yet being Way Older, AND a huge loser, I have no grounds to approach her. Meanwhile I saw some young men, no older than 19 or so, wearing Marines uniforms, no doubt On Leave for Thanksgiving, and was a little bit jealous, because they could easily pull Those Young Girls I have such Raging Lust for but can never have. Come on. Just one hour of Face Sitting would be just fine. And I thought Damn, I shoulda joined the Marines when I was their age, instead of becoming a Fat Old Loser who makes no more money than a 20 year old College Dropout.

Automatic Negative Thoughts! Very Destructive! Just Say No!

BUt that reminds me, here is one of my all time favourite Kids In the Hall Sketches:

Sweet Baby Jesus, they just don’t MAKE them like that anymore.

*Protip: watching that sketch WILL make you laff and put you in a better mood. Guaranteed. Use Liberally! Most Kids in the Hall is hilarious but this is best of the best right here. Wish I could figure out what that song is, cuz it SO belongs on a Commuting to Work Mix CD.

OK that’s all the old stuff for now. take care and show some appreciation for the loved ones in your life by buying them crimmus gifts. we have reached that age where it is ok to buy your male friends a chrimmus gift, as just a way of saying thank you, i appreciate you. again with my privilege!

And if you don’t have any friends, go to a Nerds Chrimmus Party and bring a whole bunch of beer and booze and snacks and food and get a few notecards with some stock Icebreakers and you WILL make new friends: Did ya do anything fun this weekend? Do you have any borthers or sisters? do you have any pets? any kids? How did you get into your job? How do you like your job? What’s your favorite tv show? what’s your favorite vidya game? have you traveled anywhere interesting? just don’t try to talk about politics or religion or race or judge people for dropping out of school. because school sucks, you’re a loser if you DON’T drop out, hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.


HAPPY THANKSGIVING, although it is really only nov 21 as I post this. and the actual stuff I’m posting was written like nov 18. heh. gotta start doing one a days again.

But be thankful for anything good in yer life. Although I realize many people go home to be with their Dysfunctional Families at this time.

If your family is really as Dysfunctional as you think they are, yep that sucks, that’s a travesty, and you shouldn’t even go home for Thanksgiving. Hopefully you have been able to Move Beyond them so you’re not a Total F00kup in life and can hold down a job and maybe meet a nice decent mate and not Continue The Cycle.

anyway here’s the old stuff.

monday nov 18

I shudder to think that The College Career Cult, esp for example Unemployable, No-Account, No-Skills, Shiftless, Lazy 40 year old Male Military Veterans who Are Incapable of Passing Interviews for Minimum wage, Part Time, Substitute Jobs so they must go back to College to get a Degree because they learned and demonstrated nothing in the military, and so now they must get a DEGREE at COLLEGE to be employable….. and of course I’m being facetious because IMHO the jobs just aren’t there. Anyway, COLLEGE has become nothing more than a DISTRACTION, a Time-Occupier, to keep people from noticing the Real Issues of No Jobs, or the fact that Colleges do not train enough for the Actual Jobs Out There. By, for example, shutting down the Humanities and Social Sciences departments altogether and only offering STEM degrees. Or by taking more than 25 people per year into their Physical Therapy program, for example. So Hire more Physical Therapy Instructors.

So COLLEGE has become a BREAD AND CIRCUS, only without the Entertainment and Fun value, AND you have to go into Debt SLAVERY to finance it, AND if you don’t Outperform 90% of people there, you will get nothing out of it but a time and money waster, Especially if you’re an Older Person who’s Old and Might have Health Care Needs.

WHADDYA MEAN you want a FULL TIME job? That’s for Rich Bourge College Kids! Prole College Kids should only expect to work several simultaneous Part Time jobs for the rest of their Pathetic Prole Lives!

Heh. My motto is, if it’s gonna be a bread a circus to occupy the minds of the masses, at least let them ENJOY it, like fat slobs eating junk food and playing vidya and jerking off all day. That’s a LOT cheaper than COLLEGE. Smoking W33d all day for years is cheaper than College!

SUCH a crap shoot. For example, I hear stories that Biology and Chemistry Majors Can’t Get Jobs, that those are the Worst STEM degrees to get. However I Do Know Two Guys who got Chemistry Degrees and Got Good Jobs with Just A Bachelors Degree. But they went to Elite Schools. Not sure what their Extracurricular Situation was like: Internships, Research, GPA, Networking. They just seemed like Average Nice Guys though. I didn’t hate them for being “Tryhards”. Also I think they got their Jobs before 2008. Also they weren’t Neet Virgins, I think they banged actual Young QT’s, hahahahahahahahaha. Like dem excuses mang??

* Well, what if the LORD has given you a SIGN that HE wants you to get a Sociology Degree? Well, I would advise you not to argue with the LORD. I am all for using signs from the Lord. But just be aware that the LORD has directly you to a very risky venture with that one, had he expects you to do A LOT of the heavy lifting yourself. It would have been better for The Lord to give you a sign to major in Medical Docker or Nurse Practicioner or Physician Assistant or Physical Therapy or Computer Engineering or Math or Mechanical Engineering or Electrical Engineering.

nov 19

had interview today with job. good lord that is a big deal, lots of gravitas. Full Time Job, making Twice the money I’m making now, working respectable hours, not being a total loser. Heh although as far as Full Time Jobs Go, this is the Bottom of the Barrel and not the type of thing you Brag about to people with Career Jobs. Nope, this is a Job Job. The Parking Lot was full of Beaters. WElcome to the Real World. No I’m not judging the people driving Beaters because that could easily be me. I’M NEXT.

real weird how one of my first thoughts on actually having a real shot at a Full Time Job is to immediately Disqualify and Disparage it: “OH WELL it might be a fulltime job but it’s a LOSER fulltime job, a job for LOSERS, CERTAINLY not up to par with people your AGE, or ESPECIALLY people you went to UNIVERSITY with, who are now all dockers or lawyers or professors or entrepreneurs or directors of Nobel-Prize Winning NOnprofits or got Grad Degrees from HARVARD or OXFORD, and even when they pick stupid careers like ARTIST or JOURNALIST, they’re FAMOUS and SUCCESSFUL in those jobs. Type of people who would QUIT a Good-Paying JOb just because it was “Too Corporate.” heh heh.

(It really did not help my current situation of being a loser who compares himself to others, that I went to a Successful Person Elite Univ, filled with Winners, and even the Losers were 9000000000000000000x bigger winners than I am. I am quite literally the biggest f00king loser to have ever come from that school. And people who went to “Loser Univs” are also way bigger winners than me, because they’re normalfags who get their work done, network, intern, get useful degrees, don’t worry about others, etc.)

Or like, OH GOD, I can’t update my LInkedIn with THIS, or NOPE I can’t get back on Facebook with THIS.

Or, Oh goody, now I can start not being a virgin because I have a Full Time Job, which is the bare minimum for Pulling Women, but the only Women I could pull with such a LOSER, Low-Status Job is Hambeast Single Momz, Sperm-Burping Gutter Slutz, Hideous Mastodonz, over 35 year olds, etc. Thigh-Arms, Totally Unattractive Women that you couldn’t get it up for, in other words.

And then also a decent amount of OH GOD There will be too much talking in this job, how will I be able to handle it. I want to last at least one year So it doesn’t look like a “SHORT HOP” or someone who Gives Up when the Going Gets Tough. Not sure what the minimum there is, but it’s at LEAST one year. If not Two.

But I would be making like twice the money per year as I am now, so really I’m Twice as big a loser with my current loser underjob, than I would be with this other job.

At any rate, look at that FLOOD of Automatic Negative Thoughts that barged in when something REALLY GOOD Happened. That is VERY telling, VERY educational. WATCH AND LEARN.

I wonder if I also got that huge flood of ANTs (credit Dr Amen) when I had good stuff going on in Muh Luv Life for 2 minutes 9000000000 years ago. That fear and dread that the sh1t is gonna hit the fan REAL soon.

ANYWAY. this whole process has been happening SUPER fast. It was only 8 days ago that I first APPLIED for the job after hearing about it through a Real Life Person, which is muh Guardian Angel telling me, “Do This.”

A simple Resume submit, then calls from Corporate HR, then an Online Personality Test and Skills Test (which was pretty crappy but I knew how to Work It, and then the recruiter said I did REALLY GOOD on it. One of those things where you Lie about your Personality, hahahahah. My trick there was to not go to the extreme, like , “I am MUCH BETTER at conflict resolution than other people my age”, but rather a little bit, like “I am SOMEWHAT better.”

annnnd at 506pm I just got a call from the HR person saying that I could have the job. Whoa.


sorry if i stole that title from anyone, it was just a great search term that brought someone here. we should become Blogroll Buddies cuz we talk about the Same Stuff!

nov 14

well stayed up late till 11.30pm doing Muh “INDEPENDENT STUDY” “RESUME BUILDER” “RESUME SILVER” “HOMEWORK”, kinda humbling nuts and bolts computer stuff, I wonder how Univeristies actually teach Web Dev in a Full Time Accredited Curriculum. The good news is that this is up to date tech that is actually used right now, rather than them teaching you how to write Hello World to a Console in some Oldass Language that is never actually used.

although it is good to understand hello world and console progs and the basics of classes and all that…..just try to do it in a language that is actually used By Employed People, like uhhhh def Java. PHP.

149 pm

woooooohooooo parrrtaaaaaayyy. this might be my favourite hour of the week: got day off tomorrow, can sleep in, can stay up “late” and watch a movie tonight, could go do something fun tonight if i wanted, just finished my stressful progress report where I try to deflect from the fact that I’m not trying as hard as I should be on muh homework.

kinda nervous because I am actually more likely than Not Likely to get called in for An Interview for a Full Time Job, I mean things look really hopeful there. Like they could veyr possibly call TODAY, like RIGHT NOW. And I am famously bad at interviews, which is why I stopped trying.

Actually I wasn’t that HORRIBLE at interviews, I was about average, but because the competition was so tuff, I never got the job….But why would they want to hire a 45 year old with 20 more years of experience, and a masters degree, if companies hate old people, and old people cost more in health insurance????? what’s my excuse now? that I wasn’t YOUNG enough for such entry level jobs?

but it’s like joyce meyer sez. you do your part and let GOD do GOD. Let HIM do HIS part.

Of course I would incorporate the things I talk about here. but yeah fact is I have not done an Actual Interview during the entire time This Helping Losers blog has existed. Just been working at muh underjob as a fairly discouraged underemployed.

anyway just want to capture muh Gr8 mood at a very powerful time of week. got 5 hours of sleep when I like to get Einsteins 10. Meaning I could get 15 hours tonight if I wanted hahahaha. Go to bed at 5pm and wake up at 10am friday, hehehehe. totes skip muh cherished movie, or say i had a hot date, or wanted to go buy a suit or some silver, or go to the casino, or go volunteer at the soup kitchen, or go pound the pavement in muh suit and try to sell muhself for a job like a responsible nonloser with dignity.

fri nov 15

lemme look at muh search engine stats:

“to be a late twenties loser” – yes sir, i can assure you it is not fun, and it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. but if I didn’t believe it could be done, I wouldn’t be here.

“are you a loser if your working class” – no, your a loser if you write YOUR, hahahahaha. I got news for ya baby, working class is the new MIDDLE class, bubbelah. Consider yourself LUCKY if Your Working Class with a sweet Fulltime Working Class Job and you can afford to responsibly reproduce and afford to live in a neighborhood where your family won’t be terrorized by the REAL underclass.

Working Class Dog
Working Class Dog (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

this is what I mean when I say UPPER Working Class: you’re working full time, you’re a step above Working Poor, you can afford to Live, you might have a Bachelors Degree Job, you might now, but as the Bachelors Degree continues to be devalue, it’s really irrelevant anyway: The Bachelors Degree JOb IS the same as an Upper Working Class Job, at best.  You could be a Underemployed College Graduate Working 20 Hours A Week for $9 an hour!

So go do a 900000 page dissertation on Marx and postmodern intersectional power and try to figure that one out, college boy f4gg0t b1tch!

ok friday day off. yesterday watched a movie, had to drink a lot of coffee to stay up for that, but it was good, went to bed at like 10:30 pm, slept till about 10:30 am, very nice.  now just being lazy, listening to music/spotify, when a person with human dignity would be out pounding the pavement trying to carry his own weight.

They always ask where do you see yourself in 5 years. so you just give a bs answer, related to that company and their field: oh I want to get my MASTERS DEGREE in management with a concentration in (insert field) and follow a natural professional trajectory to a project manager or team leader position with this company.

NO, you don’t say you want to be living on a BEACH Gambling and buying Gold and sipping W33d Smoothies with a harem of 18 year old girl servants with the 222$ you make per day gambling!

All right I should at least do some CHORES and so should you, try to show some Gratitude for not being homeless and dying of cancer or morbid obesity. And I also hope you get to do a grill doggystyle soon that really makes you go HNNNNGGGGG.


nov 13 wed

If you’re reading really complex technical stuff like Math Lessons or Computer Science Lessons where they seem to be going fast and you know you should be groking it but you’re not, mind is wandering, then actually read it out loud, and also in a really gay, friendly, enthusiastic voice, like a gay actor, or like you’re telling a story to children, and you really understand the words. read it with a big gay SMILE on your face, like how you have to force yourself to smile when using your Phone Voice to a Superior or a Customer. Pretend the words really do mean something to you, and a little more will sink in that way than if you had a blatantly bad attitude. Remember, faking a good attitude is the same as Sincerely Trying to have a good attitude! One of more interesting paradoxes of life there, and one you can certainly use to your benefit. make stupid gestures as you read the paragraphs out loud, to try to force the meaning into your mind.

use the word “DEMONSTRABLY” in your next Job Job INterview.

since i am a visual thinker and need to see infographics and vidyas all the time, i like making gestures when reading the books as if I’m actually touching or holding the objects, like oh HERE is the EntityDataSource I’m holding in muh hand, and this DataBind() right here is how it connects to that over there (holding Object Oriented Object in other hand) etc

Read “Management For Dummies” and then Regurgitate terms from that. Buy it for .01 from amazon.

It’s all about SPEAKING A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE. The Language of BusinessManagementLeadershipF4gs. Once you get comfrotable speaking in that language, you WILL start getting good at Interviews and get a Bigboy Fulltime Job Job.

ideally you would get SO COMFORTABLE with FAILURE and REJECTION that instead of letting it get you down, you just keep putting yourself out there day after day, never slowing down, Courting Failure and Rejection, Racking Up the Failures and Rejections, until one day somebody finally says yes. And if you hadn’t had those 90000000000000000000000 failures beforehand, you never woul dhave gotten to that one yes.

My problem is that after 10 failures or so, I just say f00k this shit and give up and stop trying. have given up and stopped trying for YEARS, and that is why I am “several” years behind muh peers right now.

had a dream about a grill who was never an official Number Girl like Girl 4 or Girl 7, although I think she could have been if I had spent more time with her, and I regret not doing so. And then I randomly SAW her a few months ago (she did not see me) and have sort of been thinking about her every now and then ever since. because she looked good for her age, heh. very good. plus she was a bridge back to muh youth. how far would I commute to have a long distance open rel with her, hahahahaha. no she could come to ME and sit on muh face. Actually wouldn’t mind cuddling with that one!

that’s what it all boils down to. b1tches calling you insecure because you don’t want to SHARE them with other men, but you’re not alpha/masculine enough for them to want to be “owned” by you and you alone. you’re not enough of a man!!!!

but isn’t “sharing” a grill better than not getting to have her at ALL? I guess, if it means you get access to her hot 18 year old bod. But it’s a very hard line to walk to keep your own dignity, which is the most important thing. You MUST be banging other women at the same time for this to work. So then she’s sharing YOU too. Give her a taste of her own medicine. See how she likes being Second Fiddle!!

So ideally you wouldn’t like the grill so much in the first place, that you would get butthurt about having to share her. You would say, oh yeah, go ahead, I don’t care if other dudes ream you, hahahahaha, don’t flatter yourself, it’s not like I was in love with you or wanted to MARRY you! I’ll be getting MY fair share of Outside Action too, baby!

If you ARE in luv with the grill and the only way you can have her is by Sharing Her……umm that’s a REAL sh1tty situation. The Worst. I would say use the opportunity to bang her HARD, and really do into severe damage control to make yourself as masculine as possible as fast as possible, because unless you turn things around and become more manly than her other man/men, you won’t even get the “privilege” of sharing her for much longer!

Nope I’m tired of being shared with you! So I’ll cut you out, and just ho myself out to other multiple guys. but NOT you!

hehhehehehe got off on a tangent there.  But that’s seriously what College Career Gurls are LIKE. Just AWFUL. BEWARE!!!! They are enough to turn you into a Woman-Hater, hahahaha.

Get yourself a nice Traditional, Conservative, and/or Religious Girl. I have been fond of Lutherans lately. Very Girl Scoutish, Nice, and Emotionally Stable, and Pure.

anyway that one girl I had the dream about wasn’t as bad as other College Career Gurls, I don’t think. She coulda been decent. But I will never know. Still it does NOT help to look her up on Facebook!!!!! So Don’t do that.

but wahhh waaaahhh i liked her more than I’ve ever liked a grill in 13 months, wahhhh wahhhhhh.

A boy and a girl sharing a drink, each with th...
A boy and a girl sharing a drink, each with their own straw in the bottle. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

heh you’d think this love hate, bipolar, all or nothing, pedestal or dumpster, attitude I have toward Women must come from Mommy Issues, but I don’t think I really have that! Not any more than average! Although I think I was rejected more by Grills than the Average Guy once I became interested in Grills, because I was Less Masculine than the Average Guy.

yeah it would be nice if dat grill could sit on muh face and then cuddle, but that is just a dream, only feeling that way cuz i had the dream LAST NIGHT, so it will all be MUCH BETTER tomorrow. patience.