sat oct 21

mar 4

heh. if you get mail mailed to you at your JOB is it legal for your employer to OPEN it hehehe, was the big idea i got yesterday. like if you got stem cells mailed to you from russia hahahaha. or shrunken pygmy heads from africa. weird stuff you dont want coming to your home if you live with other people hehe.

great soundtrack. in addition to the final fantasy 10 and 6 soundtracks. i guess playing vidya is not super terrible. but it is degenerate because you escape into that nostalgaic world. i am glad i cant do that with new games any more or else i would be a vidya addict.

still better than being a PORN addict tho.

well that gurl in dragon quest (aka dragon warrior) better cover those damn whore tits up, looks like a jooish whore. also it looks like anime. great game tho – great story, great gameplay, great music, etc. i spent 40 hours on it at least.

yeah i totally understand why men get so into video games. you get really pulled into this really interesting world where you cant wait to see what happens next. im glad im NOT drawn to it any more, because it really is naturally tempting. not to me though.

also thankful i am not helplessly, hopelessly attracted to little boys like a pederast either hahaha. thats gotta suck to have totally perverted fooked up desires and know it and just have it torturing you. the worst i have is a hopeless attraction to MJ. thats the closest thing. even that could be worse, i could be attracted to Opioids or Alcohol. I used to be really big on alcohol, but not anymore, dont even really THINK about it a lot. but MJ…..every damn day, multiple times a day.

i know local MMJ’s have large menus with a range of prices per 3.5 g, 14 g, 1 oz (28 g hahahaha) high and medium priced, indica and sativa, 50 different types of MJ. you get the one that best suits your needs. i would want to get a mid range (cheaper) indica. prob buy larger quantities to try to get discount. i guess that wouldnt be an issue if i had a card and could buy any time i wanted. since the opportunity never presents itself to me at this time, shit i would want to buy around $150 next time i had the chance, and get as much as i could for that.  because, like hanging out with an attractive young women, who the hell knows when youre gonna get that chance again. maybe 10 years, maybe never.

like how instead of spending 7 bucks on a pack of cigarets, i buy a 6 oz  bag of pipe tobacco for 7 bucks and 200 tubes for 3 bucks and essentially buy 10 packs of cigarettes for 10 bucks. the quality of the tobacco doesnt seem that damn bad whatsoever.

which is why i like the idea of buying “shake”. its not as A E S T H E T I C as big juicy buds….but its just the same stuff that falls off these big nugs, and the dillas seem to sell it at a discount. just sell me an oz of shake for 50 bucks hahahaha. instead of 400 bucks for an oz of Kind Loud Fire Buds.

went to church on this saturday afternoon and it was super boring. not that thats the worst thing in the world, but i almost fell asleep 3 times durig the mass. i WISH i could be that tired when i laid down to go to sleep at night!!!!!!

just imagine you are in CHURCH and you will be asleep in 20 minutes! maybe that way i could get to bed by 7 pm, or 8 pm. this 930 or 10 kinda sucks…..but i cant force myself to go to bed any earlier.

went from smoking like 6,7,8 cigarets a day to smoking 0 the past 2 days. not bad. not even getting intense cravings. i mean sure i could smoke a cig but im not DYING for one. shit im DYING more for mj. mj is more addictive than TOBACCO.

hehehe i literally fell asleep while just sitting here. not sure why so sleeping. got ok sleep yesterday. wish i was this tired when i went to bed on a Work Night! didnt even have any benedryl or valium tonight!!! maybe i am “catching up” from when i normally get up at 5 am, which by any account is pretty early, but i dont really mind, because its not that hard to Survive the job and i am thankful for that. shit for this i would get up at 4 am, maybe even 3 am. probably even 2 am hahahaha. so 5 am is tech sleeping in! but i know id like to go to bed at 7pm, but ive tried, i just cant, so i goto be closer to 9 or 10. now on a day off ive been tired as hell, almost falling asleep in church (it was boring af tho) and here, literally falling asleep at the poker table at 830 pm or so.

march 5

when somebody DUMPS you, NEVER beg for them back. NEVER ask them to reconsider. THEY DUMPED YOU. if they want to reconsider, you think they’re only gonna realize that at your pathetic insistence? NO, if they want to un-dump you, let that horse come to the water and drink of its own agency and volition and WILL. of course odds on this are very very low. vanishingly low. but i guess anythings technically possible. hahahaha.

of course, much easier said than done when you are getting dumped and your heart breaking.

i think going to a hooker might actually be a good thing for me. i mean i wish i could just pay a qt nonhooker to just hang out with me and be nice to me since its not secs per se i want……however i think having hooker secs with an attractive hooker would still serve my main goal of being more confident and less nervous around women. so for that alone it would be worth 300 bucks. or 400 bucks hahahaha.

but recently backpage took down its escort section after being pressured by FEDGOV. maybe it will be back up soon. well there are other websites. like the escort review or some shit. in fact those are probably better.

escort is code word for hooker that you can pay for secs. you just call it a dnation and say i am giving you a free will dnation for your TIME, imma just put this on the table over there. and then you do her up the ass hahahahaha. boldly go where many, many, many men have gone before. balls deep in a hookers ass for 100 dollars a half hour. aint no shame in that game hahahahahahaha.

hey i know literally not all women are like that. i know at least 2 or 3 decent good women. 4 or 5. married or getting married. shit even that woman was a good woman but she had a legit understandable moment of weakness. not like she was going out being an evil J, fooking 60000000 cox and murdering 600000000 babies and ruining 600000000 mens lives. she just got scared and ran away like ALL of us have done at some points in our lives. the end.

anyway i am kidna moving out of my women hate phase as well. I TOLD you it was only TEMPORARY. Now i just dont care. there are good women and bad women. i dont really want to make an effort to meet any women. i’d rather make an effort to get yuge bags of MMJ.

i think scrod is not an actual species of fish, its just random fish. what about cod? i dont REALLY care, i dont really like fish, but i do enjoy eating “fish and chips” on occasion. that is just fine. so that “fish” is usually “cod”. so what is “cod.”

i dont eat it for the taste of the fish, i eat it for the taste of the flaky batter hahahaha. and also because catholics in lent on fridays. cant eat beef hahahaha gotta eat “fish.”

sorry, not escort review, The EROTIC review. look up assfooking hookers on that site.

hmmm found an attractive looking local hooker for 140 an hour. very quickly. not bad! of course they blur out their face but she was white and not grotesque. prob dont let you put it in the ass for 140 an hour tho hahahahahaha.

she wont judge you if you cant get it up. she sees nothing but scumbags and weirdos and alcoholics and druggies all day. next to them you look like a winner. and she can probably get you some MJ hahahahaha. now im not saying to be abusive or even disrespectful to the hooker. but i sure am saying you can definitely ask, is it okay for me to put it in your ass and make you say, “im a dirty little wh0re who has taken 1000 cox! fook me in my filthy wh0re ass like the 9000 other men who have fooked me in the ass! i luv being fooked in the ass like a worthless 4n4l butt slut!” its not a crime to ask them to say it hahahahaha. me personally i would luv to get them to say self degrading things like that. but i wouldnt MAKE them if they didnt WANT to! i realize they are just doing a JOB, a very degrading, tough job. i have LESS respect for the NORMIE women that just treat secs and life as some kind of meaningless game. next to them, the hookers seem honest, or at least Woke.  i would get more pleasure out of getting normie gurls to say those degrading things. the actual hookers have been degraded enough.

but yeah. i still want MJ WAYYYYY more than i want a hooker.

so i guess i could just make a list of nearby cert places, print out the limited med records i do have, none of which have a qual condition, but just bring them as a sign of good faith, and expect to get rejected, but then plan to just cross it off the list and go to the next place the next week, and hopefully by the time i go to 30 places, i can get approval, and then get the card sent to a PO Box. repeat process when its time to renew.

of course the shady doctor can approve but the STATE can STILL reject it.

at that point i would just go see a diff doctor then hahahaha. make a spreadsheet.  dont go to a place unless they say theres no charge if you get rejected. ideally no charge even if they approve you but the STATE rejects you.

according to state data, they reject about 10% of applications, IIRC. no more info given there. other than we can assume they had a dr approve them. but maybe they didnt, maybe they forged a damn doctors signature. how big of a crime would that be. that HAS to be a felony. just saying.

and ive said before. when you get an rx for pain pills, that is usually strict as fook, i’d imagine. ONE refill of ten weakass pills. not UNLIMITED refills where you can go and buy 9000 doses of the drug every single day like you can with a MMJ card. you can go in and buy like 2 oz a day i think. 1 or 2 oz is the daily limit hahaha.

and i am sure there are cardholders who do that just to “re up” and sell to people without cards. would be interested in learning how the “legal” MMJ market has influenced the illegal market. not that its easy to get good data on illegal markets. has it made illegal MJ much cheaper? more in supply? better variety? more people selling? my guess is it really hasnt had any major impact at all, or else some reporter would have done a story about it in like the years since MMJ has been legal.

and i do know last year saw a 100% growth in our county of card holders since the year previous.

so does that mean the state will try to clamp down this year, or does that mean DOORS WIDE OPEN, BOYS!!!! YEEEEEHAWWWW!!!!!! those are two very different outcomes hahahaha. 180 opposite you could say.

ok sunday. go in tomorrow. get up at 5am. took 2 benedryl today, one at about 2 pm and another at about 5 pm. briefly dozed off around 4 pm, was so tired i couldnt even play cards or look at computer. has happened every day of the weekend hahahaha. its not like i am Starved for Sleep during the week either! but again i just wish i was tired like that when i went to bed at night and could just go to bed earlier and get a shitload of sleep for the day.

why not just go to a shady doc who prescribes shitloads of pain pills….because we established those docts are in short supply because of crackdowns by the dea, fedgov, etc. theres prob an automatic alert in fedgovs office whenever a doc prescribes over x pain pills a month.

state probably does NOT have anything similar for docs who do x number of MMJ certs a month.

how many falsified applications does the state get? i mean this isnt like a doctors prescription pad. its a pdf anyone can print off the state website. just need to know the doctors name, address, and license number….which i believe is all on the internet.

ive heard of local stings where a doctor would just prefill out hundreds of forms without seeing the patients. but that doctor was eventually caught and their license suspended. i wonder if anything happened ot the “patients.”

tfw your connection to the poker server is so shitty you keep dropping on a nice full 9 person table even though your internet isnt really bad per se, just your wireless. how do you get better wireless.

just fooking stupid. i dont need a fast connection, i just need a solid, unbroken connection, because there is action happening every second. folding, calling, checking, betting.

super frustrating. its not just the site, its just me. someimes it is just the site.  just sucks to WANT to play and to have a LOT of people on there who also want to play so you can have a nice 9 person table. doesnt’ happen all the time.

still fairly tired though. anticipate sleeping well tonight. just waiting till 8 pm to go lay down.

could not have internet like this if i were RUNNING A BUSINESS!!!!!

hopefully a reboot will help hahahaha.

ok rebooted and it did help. of course. it fixes everything. why? just because. no explanation. this is coming from a professional, paid computer expert. no reason.

well it did, for a minute, now its back to shitty again.

 

 

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wed oct 18

march 2

commander rockwell at brown u in spring 1966, good sound quality

ok i was looking for a formal DEBATE, here is a long one with rockwell vs stokely carmichael, the famous black panther. NICE! i would guess that both groups would more or less agree on the need for Ethnonationalism. In other words, huhwhyte nationalists arent trying to stop black nationalists and support all peoples right to be nationalists

moderator is interrupting way too much, annoying, like tv news hahaha.

but yeah i need ot listen to more DEBATES. so i can get into more debates myself and WIN them. or at least feel good about how i performed hahaha. not at all close to being there. nothing but room for improvement.

valium party tonight, plan on taking 3. took 1 at around 420 hahaha. about to take another one in 15 minutes at 7 pm. then take another around 930.  then take a benedryl and go to bed.

so, was malcolm x joo wise? carmichael? thats a necessary step for nationalists of ANY race.

another thing i dont understand is how any woman who has had a baby can still be pro abortion and not vehemently against abortion.

heh. i was considering renting a car and driving 300 miles to see iron maiden in the summer. probably wont. but i def thought about it for a while. ideally they would play closer than 300 miles away. DAMN. in 2015 or early 2016 they did, but i was only as 1% as hot on maiden as i am now, and i am really kicking myself for missing that bucket list show.

i suppose drinking coffee along with muh 3 valiums defeats the purpose. i luv coffee though hahahaha. i would luv to drink coffee with a heap of strong MJ butter in it hahahaha. another bucket list thing.

poker tables dying down. played for quite a while, mainly lost. not a lot but no good big pots. what am i doing wrong? not betting aggressively enough?

take another valium in 15 mins. switched from iron maiden live to saor live:

not as good sound of course, would love to hear more professional audio on a saor live show. it cant be that hard.

similar to maiden, this is pretty feelgood, confidence-inspiring, alpha-male music.

valium is actually really cheap at the pharmacy. under 10 dollars for 60 tablets. i am more than ok with that. i could probably get an rx next time i go to the doc in aug. feel much more comfortable with that than trying to lie and get pain pills hahaha or asking the doc if they do MMJ recs, which they prob dont. besides i have a long history of anxiety and have gotten valium rx before, so i have more legit reasons hehehe. would just be concerned they would give me a super low rx, like 10 tablets a month or something.

ok had the 3rd valium taking me up to 15 mg for the day. i have read some internet forum saying you should ideally take 20 mg all at once (4 tabs) to really feel anything. right now i feel okay. pretty relaxed, mind is not really with thoughts and that always good. just enjoying saor in addition to maiden hehehe.

PLENTY of people have NO desire to do MJ. they just like drinking in moderation here and there, or not even that, they have no desire for MJ, drugs, alcohol, valium, nyquil, benedryl, ANYTHING. kinda jelly of them. all the time i am thinking about MJ. i guess its better than thinking about That Woman! interesting epiphany: at this time, i very probably think about MJ more than i think about her. i don’t think about her that much anymore thank GOD. but i think about MJ a LOT. every day.

what if some creep on the internet ordered a ton of drugs on the darknet and sent it to my home hehehehe in an attempt to get me busted. has that ever happened to ANYONE? some of the bigger dnm guys are sending out like 20 packages of stinky MJ EVERY DAY. how do they not get caught? and they probably have a LOT more risk than the people receiving the packages. cuz you cant really prove that you ordered the stuff. maybe you have an enemy out there who is trying to frame you.

heh. valium might actually be cheaper than benedryl. i think i might take a 4th valium right now. i mean this is kinda my last hurrah. i plan on cutting back in the very near future.  fook yeah. lets do it.

ok so i did it, took an unprecedented 4th valium. i mean i am honestly serious about cutting back starting very soon. and i still have a ton left. absolutely worse case scenario, i get some more in august at a very nice price. prob wont even start running low by then but if i do, i will save them for emergencies only. ie going out to socialize. i am very grateful to be in a job now where i dont even have to worry about taking valium just to survive the workday.  thank GOD. and i was too scared to take even 1 valium on those workdays. but i totally should have. it would have made it just a little bit easier.

shit. wish i didnt have a DRINKING PROBLEM so that i could have drank alcohol and actually Enjoyed it Semi-Responsibly well into my 30s and 40s and beyond, rather than being SO irresponsible with it in my 20s that i had to give it up ENTIRELY. so now im stuck wtih valium and MJ an benedryl. i would not be adverse to opiods either hehehe.

oxycodone is cheap af, oxycontin is not hahahaha. i guess roxycodone is same as oyxcodone. also fairly cheap…..with an rx.

i have heard that the same shit on less legit markets can cost you 60 times what you would pay at a pharmacy. so in other words, get an rx for 60 dollars then turn around and sell it to junkies for 3600 dollars.

is it REALLY that HARD to get an oxy/roxy rx from a shady doctor? that the same pills that are CHEAP at a pharmacy are INSANELY expensive on the street? it just doesnt seem worf it. it seems like it would be more worf it trying to scam shady doctors at “pain clinics”. a lot cheaper.

shit even VALIUM seems like it could be sold at 4 times the rx value. now thats no 60 times but its still yuge, i mean even normal retailers dont mark their shit up 100%, let alone 400%, let alone 6000%!!!!!!!!

so i just took 8 dollars worth of valium today. was it worf it? fook no! if i took 8 dollars of alcohol or even 8 dollars worth of MJ i would be out of my mind. but i actually spent more like 2 dollars on this vlaium. i guess thats a lot more worth it hahaha.

i guess its even cheaper to get large dose pills and splt them in half, according to goodrx.com which ive been referencing here. and possibly another more controversial site to estimate street prices hehehehe.

moral of the story: i need to find an unscrupulous doctor to write me large prescriptions for oxys and valiums hahaha. then get them CHEAP. and i bet that same unscrupulous dr might be willing to write an MMJ recommendation as well. did anyone ever think of this? going to shady pain doctors for MMJ recs?

maybe if i got hooked on pain pills that would be a legit reason to get an MMJ rec hahaha. but what if yu dont have ACTUAL pain, you are just hooked on pain pills?

hehehe i am actually considering abusing pain pills just so i can use that to build my case to get an MMJ card hahahahahahaha. how ridic is that.  see i MUST be in pain because ive been on these pain pills for months! and the SIDE EFFECTS from these drugs are painful, so give me MMJ. problem solved hahahaha.

god damn this jooish scheming for a jooish drug is really DEGENERATE.

so WHY ARE legal rxs of drugs like oxycodone so much ridiculously cheaper than the street versions of these same drugs? i mean they are the exact same drugs. its not like heroin getting cut with fentanyl, which believe me, is also a huge thing. maybe that would be cheaper than trying to buy Black Market oxycodone…..but def not cheaper than buying doc-prescribed oxycodone, which is DIRT CHEEP.

this suggests that its REALLY HARD to get a doc to write a script for these drugs. because probably they are being watched on how much they prescribe of a controlled substance. we all know doctors who have been convicted of crimes and sent to jail because they were prescribing too much oxys basically. cuz the second they prescribe them, the FEDS KNOW. so you can’t prescribe too much because the FEDS WILL KNOW IMMEDIATELY. databases and computers and clouds and shit.

not sure if the feds care as much about benzos like valium….but those still have a big markup on the black market.

basically one 5 mg valium is kinda like drinking 1.5 beers or less.

not very happy but still i like it more the more i listen to it. obv listened to this because i was listening to saor. this is remarkably diferent really. but still very good. much much darker. but still very very relaxing and chill. yet sorrowful and freezing. gets right back to the roots like burzum, any boorrtzum fan should enjoy this. and boy do i. the sorrowful, wistful, yearning melodies reach directly into your soul. very moving. very emo hahahaha.

oh yeah varg did a new long video about his year in iraq, very interesting and great video, certainly many people were wondering about that, and he told the story in a nice longer 25 minute video THANKS UNCLE VARG hahahaha.

but seriously its a great thing to be able to tell a good STORY. we need good stories and good storytellers. unfortunately ive never been able to do this….although ive desperately wanted to.

in a way, this blog is a rambling, 1433 page story hahahaha.

but also i havent experienced much that would MAKE a good story. pathetic, sad, unsympathetic stories, sure. like wow this guy is a loser and he sounds like an asshole too. get him away from me. take him away, this guy is totally worthless and useless.

had a weird dream last night where this gurl was throwing herself at me. she wasnt super qt, kinda potatoey, super crazy, but she was hwyte and under 25, so i was like ok fine, ill probably regret not taking this chance, so i did it, and it was all a setup fo some bullyboys to video tape me banging this “fat crazy skank” and make fun of me and put the video on the internet to humiliate me. (but wheres the shame in banging a 25 year old white gurl, even if she is fat and crazy?)

i then basically spent the rest of the dream whining “STOP BULLYING ME” to Cool Guys who were making fun of me. there was a brief period in grade school where i sorta felt like this, but nothing  worse than average i’d say. the dream was not pleasant though, i was just trying to get away from all the people mocking and making fun of me, but they were EVERYWHERE, and i felt very weak and angry and upset. also felt like i was drunk or drugged, and that was how i got roped into this stupid situation to begin with. somebody drugged me and then made me humiliate myself.

this could be because i had been a pill popping maniac the day before, taking an obscene 4 valium (20 mg total) and 2 ebendryl. so yeah i was in a deep kind of drugged sleep. but did not have really much of a hangover. and i went to bed late and got up earlier than you would expect. its “only” 12 pm now and i feel fine, no real hangover, just like welp maybe i could have slept a few more hours, but i had errands i wanted to do in the morning today. and i did them.

buying oxycodone or valium on the Street is expensive as fook. much worse value than buying MJ.  or alcohol. but i cant drink alcohol. and i want so badly to do mj. but i cant get it, all i have is valium. so i will enjoy the valium as much as i can. mainly on friday nights to partay on the start of my wekeend.

also i may be irritable because i am cutting way back on cigarets starting right now. hasnt gotten too bad. yet. for about a month i boosted up the cigarets significantly, now i want to get it back to the level they were at before, which was like less than one pack a week, with some days no cigarets at all.

ok roxicodone is a brand name of oxycodone and even the legal version of it is super goddamn expensive. generic oxycodone is muuchhhhhhh cheaper. a great deal, even.

how about trying to melt peanut butter in coffee? sounds weird but i dont think its any weirder than melter regular butter in coffee like i am drinking right now. bulletproof hahahaha. plus peanut butter has actual protein in it which i salways good.

heh. saw a guy who was selling 2 oz of MJ for 200 dollars. he said it wasnt the highest quality so dont complain about that, just enjoy the huge quantity for the price. no sorry it was 100 dollars. ARE YOU FOOKING KIDDING ME???? that really sounds too good to be true, unless it were the absolute worst birck dirtMJ lowest tier bottom of the barrel “schwag” you would find before “kind buds” een became a thing in the 2000s. there was a picture and it didnt really look that that, it looked fine.  i was like damn i would buy that RIGHT NOW if  could just give the money to a person and have them meet me and give me those goods. or me stop by their place and pick it up.

to see all these terrible deals on valium and pain pills and then this great deal on MJ. yes its prob low quality but i want to believe it would be closer to “mids” than “schwag”!

take this song and speed it DOWN by at least 25%. 50% would be ok if it didnt sound so damn distorted. that main first riff sounds better when it is slower. and its already not fast to begin with. they hinted at this on “origin of the feces” playing that riff once, super slow, but they didn’t capitalize on it enough IMHO.

actually it sounds ok at 50%, i got used to the distortion hahahaha. whole damn song. fast parts sound good slow too.

there is a super duper ridiculously nice huge park about 11 miles from my house which i should really go to at least once a week during the summer but i havent gone their in YEARS. this is really SAD. SAD. there are MILES of nature trails and wooded areas, a lake, i think a small beach, its clean and well regarded and not full of trash, there is a golf course, disc golf course, its literally huge. thousands of acres. yet i never go there. SAD. i mean ive been there but i should be going there at LEAST once a month. it does cost 10 dollars per car to get in though. it would be worthwhile to get a yearly pass for like 30 bucks then go once a week, twice a week during the summer. take muh plates up there and do MJ, benzos, and opioids with them and bang them in the forest hahahaha.  or find a nice hwyte hwyfu to walk around and have a Connection with whilst smokin MJ hahahaha and she wasnt thinking oh god this is lame this guy is lame i wish i was here with some cooler guy, welp this is the last time i do this.

http://www.city-data.com/forum/real-estate/1663768-building-home-acreage-where-start.html

see i would want to move where the white suburbs start to become officially boondocks, so i am not more than 10 miles from the nearest walmart in other words. and then have like 2 to 10 acres of land. with a small house on it, possibly a hwyte pride single wide trailer. not a big expensive house. just a small but sturdy house on a Couple Acres of land so i can go Out Back and go Shooting and puff MJ and maybe have a Boondocks Bonfire Party. make some noise and not be disturbing people. ideally enough space and privacy to play loud drums and black metal guitars without disturbing the neighbors. maybe have a small wooded area nearby where i could build a lean to and do MJ and be at one with nature. a crick. deer and rabbits and shit.  i would be 10 miles away from walmart and 30 miles away from the nearest nonwhite. my house would be small and hopefully as few costs as possible. but what about property taxes on the land. damn. i dont need a basement. i dont need 2 living rooms. i dont need 3 bedrooms. i just want 1 living room, 1 bedroom, maybe a smaller bedroom for kids and guests. maybe a small garage to put a car during the winter. i guess close enough to civilization so it wouldnt be a YUGE problem getting electricity, gas, water. nearest neighbor is at least half a mile away. maybe a country bar where the white men go on the weekends and sing country songs on karaoke. a place where everyone wears camo and owns guns. maybe in a place that doesnt get super duper cold. west virginia, kentucky, tennessee, carolina, appalachia, this seems like a good area.

i do google street view on some interesting neghborhoods where shit starts getting boondocky and there are lots of lebensraum between houses…..and the few houses are STILL gaudy mcmansions. people who wanted to live in the boondocks like me, which is smart…..but also want big stupid jooish mcmansions, which is jooish. i mean evne if i had that kind of money i wouldnt want that. dont average working class people live out here in average, small, working class houses? how about a small 1000 sq ft house? thats what i am talking about.

tiny houses are gay, big houses are jooish, SMALL houses are just right. 1000 sq feet. 900. not sure where it becomes tiny. prob wouldnt want to go below 600. i guess tiny is below 500. ok so just give me 900. current home is….about 1300 sq ft. way too big. could easily go down to 1000. previous home where i spent childhood was about 800 sq ft. perfect size. not sure if this included the basement and the second floor. so yeah. 800 is the perfect size. back in the good old days, houses used to be closer to 800 sq ft than 3000 sq ft mcmansions. fook that shit. like these people can afford those anyway. that is why they are paying like 5000 dollars a month on a jooish mortgage and end up foreclosing.

how do you get a single wide trailer thats not in a trailer park, ie packed in like sardines with other trailer trash? do you “just” buy land in the country, like 2 acres at least, and then build a small house or small manufactured home/trailer on top of it? probably. i wouldnt mind living in a small trailer but i dont want to live in a trailer PARK with a bunch of trailer trash on meth and booze and drugs and having mudshark kids and at best, smokin too much weed and being fat and obese and just stupid worst whites ever. we can do better than this. of course this is what fatherlessness does even to white people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE C0CK LADDER

feb 28

huge amazon aws s3 outage today which “broke the internet” hahaha.

today i learned that john mctiernan, who directed such classics as DIE HARD, hunt for red october, and predator, was in federal prison in 2013-14 for some kind of wire tap charge

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_McTiernan

he got out and is still alive but hasnt made a movie since 2003’s Basic, which i did not see. but i was just thinking about what a great movie die hard is and i totally forgot mctiernan also did the great hunt for red october, also a great movie, really knows how to make a good thriller, action, suspense story with good story and characters, and i should try to make an effort to watch more of his films, he does this very well. he also did last action hero, which i thoroughly enjoyed.

also die hard with a vengeance. that was good and he did that. but not 2, 4, or 5. have not seen 4 or 5. maybe i should. well, i saw part of 2 and it seemed ok.

ideally would have a nice waifu to cuddle with and watch die hard, and that i feel about her on a level comparable to how i felt about That Woman, and that This New Woman would have some sort of feelings for me and want to make an effort to cuddle with me and watch die hard more than she’d rather be out “hanging out” ie fooking and sucking and sexting other guys. especially black guys hahahaha.

have you ever had a woman you LUVED reject you harshly but NOT reject black guys? she loves and makes an effort with black guys but cant lift a finger for you. i can tell you getting RACECUCKED like that is never fun. adds insult to injury. its bad enough that they would rather be with other men than you, period, and when its a black or nonwhite guy, but esp black, it feels even worse.

not that i hate black people. i get along very well with this middle aged black woman i see several times a week, and she is pretty damn black. like super black acting. talks with super ebonics like she grew up super poor in the hood. i am sort of curious if she has any keeds dead or in jail. i guess she has a husband which is kinda surprising. well good for them, families are good for blacks as well as whites. families are good for ALL races.

took 2 benedryl today, trying to “self soothe” before bed by NOT watching news. watching news gets me hyped up and not really relaxed. also ive decided its pointless to try to go to bed at 7 because im not even near tired at that time. might as well go to bed at 9 and play some more cards and try to calm self down.

today came home, took first benedryl around 3 o clock, by 4 o clock i was dead tired and couldnt even keep my eyes open. wish i felt like that at 7 or 8! i actually took a powernap for like 30 or 45 minutes. woke up like 515, took another benedryl, played some more cards, of course wish i had some mj but oh well. maybe i should buy some on a dark market hahahahahahaha. no i wouldnt do that. its illegal and i dont condone illegal activities. plus id be way too paranoid and scared. as i should be.

but yeah, its KEY to CALM YOURSELF before going to bed like fatherland jim said, youd think kids would learn this naturally, but many dont. i certainly never did. i later turned to terrible things like alcohol, MJ, and porn to help “self soothe”.  all these are bad with MJ being the least bad. but yes porn. oh. watch 10 minutes and crank one out to GET READY FOR BED, cant SLEEP, cant clear your mind untill youve CRANKED ONE OUT.

well its still not a terrible thing to do…….just dont use PORN to do it. stop watching porn. dont necessarily have to stop jerking off. but porn makes you want to jerk off TO porn EVERY DAY. and this is just TERRIBLE.

STOP WATCHING PORN. this is so much more important than “nofap.” do noporn instead.

MARCH 1

wewlad am i thankful i am not thinking about that woman NEARLY as much as i did even 6 or 7 months ago. 7 short months ago i was thinking about her like 2 hours a day. now i barely think about her for a minute a day. it takes a LONG TIME (1 year and 7 months) but time eventually DOES heal all wounds. now if i saw her again right now, shit yeah that would suck. because you would ALWAYS take them back. i’d probably take her back 5 years from now when she is either a huge winner or a huge loser.

but yeah this new job even though its nothing to be proud of as a man…..is still a giant leap forward from being a horrible neet. i dont have terrible dread and anixety of HOW AM I GONNA SURVIVE THIS DAY? every single day. what am i gonna say to these people, how am i gonna fix or pretend to fix or pass the buck on these complicated problems i dont understand? how come that dumb woman can handle this so much better than i can? how come she wont hang out with me any more? and the only saving grace was the MJ i was able to get from her. she was willing to do that at least. i guess that is how she showed her willingness to do something for me, that she was too immature to express in a better way. i would have much rather just hung out with her and had an honest conversation rather than have her get MJ for me.

this is what happens when fathers abandon their daughters. its TRAGIC. if by some MIRACLE they dont turn into huge sluts, and most of them do, then they will be like scared children in other ways, and will hurt you in ways they don’t even intend to.

heh. believe me. i knew about her father situation from the very beginning so i assumed she WAS a crazy slut. and then i got to know her better and found out she was surprisingly well adjusted for a gurl wihtout a father!

takeaway is that if she did have a good father, she probably wouldnt have handled the thing with me the way she did, which was not at all hahahaha.  her having a father would have helped ME quite a bit. and would have helped HER immensely. CHILDREN NEED GOOD FATHERS. PERIOD.

i dont even hate her, i totally understand why she essentially shit the bed here, i kinda did too. it was devastating, i was very very upset, i thought about it a super lot for a very long time, i didnt come to any big conclusions other than what i already knew: in tough stressful situations, people CHOKE. good people choke and can really let other people down even when they dont INTEND to. esp when there is luv on the line hahaha. i mean the lesson i learned is, blurt that shit out immediately. dont wait a couple months. just blurt it out and send them a text if they dont want to hang out with you. if they dont want to hang out with you, chances are they picked up on your feelings and just want to ignore and avoid it because its weird for them. you’ll probably still want to tell them. so tell them, rip the bandaid off, and move on with your lives. take 1.7 years of no contact to get over it. the end. very simple hahahaha.

here we go, nice 2 hour show, rock in rio, 2001, decent sound, another rio show has terrible sound. crowd is much more high energy than german crowd in rock am ring.

oh god now im just getting creepy af. i am stalking my work colleagues daughters who are in their 20s and very successful with graduate degrees and great careers making lots of money and establishing themselves very well before age 28, never fooking up, working hard and reaping the rewards. i saw a picture of the older daughter and her husband and i was like, holy shit i think i know that guy. he looks a lot like the brother of an old friend i dont really talk to anymore but his whole fookin family is great great great (and hwyte) people.  very principled and ethical and kind and moral and exactly the type of people that should be having many many many hwyte children. it would be nice for me to contact the older brother i knew. he already has several beautiful hwyte children. so i stalked the younger brother knowing his name of course. only can find 2 public pictures of him with his wife, who is not unattractive hahaha. anyway the younger brother is also a good guy, but a little more on the intellectual side. still a great guy. whole family is AWESOME, no fookups there. even though the older one, well we used to drink a lot hahaha. and he turned out just fine too.

somehow i found out the daughters name and looked up both their names together. i was looking for a wedding announcement but couldnt find. felt creepy stalking this work womans daughter. a successful, attractive professional. she has several children who both quickly got valuable graduate degrees and making like 70k a year by age 26. now she is a very nice good woman and i dont doubt her children and family are the same, i am just a little envious of young people who have their SHIT TOGETHER so well.

now im trying to think of a way to ask the woman, hey is your daughter married to so and so? because how do i explain that one. the impetus was i was watching this 1 minute biography video my colleague did where she had 2 seconds with a photo of her daughter and her husband. kind of a blurry picture. naturally i paused it to gawk at her daughters and the men they chose. and the one guy looked immediately familiar even though its blurry.

now i havent had a great record with blurry pictures. like 3 days ago i looked at a blurry picture of 60 people trying to find that Woman and saw a woman that Kinda Looked like that woman. however that picture was a lot blurrier than this one, so i can say with MUCH more confidence that this man is actually who i think it is.

now he’s a great guy so i have no doubt the daughter chose wisely. but i wasnt nearly as close with this guy as i was with his brother. his brother would just come around and hang out with us sometimes but not all the time. i mean he had his own healthy social and work and school life too.

so basically a SMALL WORLD story here, you see those all the time, but I personally don’t, so its pretty interesting to me.

if i were friends with the guy on facebook, i could easily see pictures of him with his wife and find out more about his wife, and confirm it is the daughter. but i wasnt fb friends with him and i havent even been on fb in 2 years hahahaha.

but yeah. i wish i were more like ANY of these people. those men, or the woman’s daughters. hard working, motivated, persistent, high achieving, making good money in good careers by age 26, having happy lives, happily married, having children.

funny, these daughters are successful high powered highly educated career women, as is the mother, but like the mother, i imagine that they ALSO want to have a husband and children and are not interested in the CC, or, to coin a term, the Cock LADDER. they want the career AND the family, but they aren’t indecently, hypergamously dumping husbands and trying to climb the cock ladder the way they are trying to climb the career ladder.

shit they’re already at the top of the career ladder by age 30.

but the mother has been married for like 30 years, married only once as far as i know, and i feel her good values rubbed off on her daughters. successful educated career women who, despite that, STILL get married pretty young and start having BABIES young. wow. it DOES happen folks, despite all the black pilling we hear about childless cat ladies.

ok, maybe the daughter should have started having children before age 30, shit i dont even know how old she is, i know how old the supposed husband is. basically my age hahahaha. well i think hes a wee bit older. not much though. he’s at a very age-appropriate level of his career. doesnt have the same credentials and prob makes less than she does, but he is prob about equally as ambitious and hard working. he got a useless degree like me but through busting his ass and persistence and confidence, he still made something of himself. having a qt low number gf-then-waifu probably didnt hurt his confidence hahaha. but he prob already had established himself a bit by the time he met her, to pull a Confident Ambitious Career Woman like that. which is always a big risk, but, like i say, I think this girl was raised properly.

its just weird to see ambitious, successful, actually COMPETENT and smart career women, who are ALSO interested in babies and family and not fooking over their husbands and children, and in being good wives and mothers. it can be done. also a good example that Not All Women Are Like That hahaha. if i were a mgtow pvssy i would be totally hemming and hawing like a J about all this hahaha.

818 on a Work Night. not going to bed at 7pm, but around 9pm. trying to relax and calm my mind now by writing, playing some cards, and NOT watching the news. just watching some police procedural show with the volume turned down very low. listened to some maiden earlier but doing so now would just get me too pumped up before bed.

george lincoln rockwell. i should listen and read more to him. ive listened to a few speeches and interviews and liked them. i just keep forgetting about him.

this one is prob pretty good hahahaha. not confirmed. i can confirm he was a great speaker, was very J wise, and wow people are applauding him at UCLA in 1967. well i guess things didnt start getting really J’d until 1968. well how did he feel about vietnam hehehe. ok sounds like he was against it. but not because he luved commies and hated americans.

i know that he hated commies and traitors, and his wife left him for his beliefs, the navy took away his pension for his beliefs, and he was assassinated at too young of an age by antifa.

holy shit, very good speaker. shit you cant even get richard spencer at UCLA or Brown like Rockwell was. not bashing Spencer. just saying he is a WEE BIT lower energy than Rockwell, and that universities have gotten even worse on Freeze Peach.

so yeah his stuff is just as relevant now as it was then. really should spend money to get his books.

well isnt it principled of an official UCLA youtube channel to post the GLR speech at UCLA hahahaha. im sure they say its so people can have a record of this foaming venomous HATE, a chilling reminder etc, like how people talk about triumph of the will. a chilling reminder hehehe.

fook that shit i watch it for fun and good feels and inspiration hahahaha.

ok i guess he was killed by a disgruntled member of his party. probably a fed hahahahahahaha.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Margr%C3%A9t_%C3%9E%C3%B3ra_Hallgr%C3%ADmsson

holy shit his wife is still alive and they had 3 children. begs the question haahahha.

hope GLR was a good father to them. i know Dr Pierce was not a great father to his children and thats the one thing I dont like about Pierce.

now the ANP never really went anywhere and i dont know. maybe the time wasnt right. but stuff like DS and TRS are much much more relevant and valuable and powerful. better optics, better people hehehe. but GLR was a total top goy. we can all learn something from this wise and courageous man.  and war hero.

really hankering for another public appearance by some good goys, like what spencer did at TAMU like 3 months ago. we need shit like that EVERY DAY, not every few MONTHS. i think spencers planning something though. i hope.

would be nice to have a nice low number gf to cuddle and listen to GLR speeches for hours. watch die hard. watch triumph of the will. knowing that she liked hanging out with me more than with tons of other guys.

 

 

DISAVOW MGTOW

feb 27

listen to this man if you dont want to listen to me hahahahaha.

this is a great meme which i think originated on varg’s channel, but not sure if he has a longer video where he actually discusses the topic. i mean its self explanatory but its just nice to hear it mansplained over and over again by as many wise men as possible.

LETS FIND OUT hahahaha

searched “porn” on his channel and only got this video. wouldnt mind a nice 10 minute speech on the topic. ill never get tired of talking about it myself. not that im obsessed with porn! more like obsessed with talking about how awful and jooish it is. and not being im obsessed with the temptation to watch it, the monkey on my back. i’m really not folks. tbh. i might get on the slippery slope like once a year. but i have no real desire to watch it. prob because i am so damn aware of how horrible and awful and degen and jooish it is. you want to understand the JQ, then think about PORN and why it is so awful. that is the JQ in a nutshell. that is them doing what they do “best.”

listen to this wise man too. he’s always been a good honest real talker and charming, and this is increased when he’s doing vidyas. he is really good at this. shows the difference between just talking without you face…..and talking with your face. he is great at both. but with the face is even better. i am certainly not ready for that, but would like to do faceless talking. so yeah i trust him and i damn like him, have a damn cult of personality fanboyism around old sven. ive gotten over the enoch joowife thing, but shit if mike did a few videos like THIS, that would be awesome. this is exactly what im looking for.

as far as what he says about autopilot, well im glad he was able to succeed on autopilot. i went on autopilot too and i crashed and burned or at least stalled completely and is why i am a huge wifeless childless successless loser today. i sorta thought i COULD go on autopilot and get a job making 25k a year. i was wrong. maybe this is the measure of a total NORMIE CHAD – that you can be on autopilot and STILL have a job, wife, and children like sven. when i went on autopilot around age 18, that was the beginning of the end for me. CHECK YOUR NORMIE PRIVILEGE NONNEVERGF SVEN!!!!! hahahaha.

but yeah sven comes across as more trustworthy and likable than mike because of stuff like this. but mike just had his LIFE RUINED. but i hope he starts “facef4gging” too at some point in the future. im just saying sven has a GREAT PERSONALITY in general. no wonder he was able to get a job and wife and kids while on autopilot, his autopilot is CHARMING AF. the absolutely antiautist.

just blatantly copy svens whole personality until you start getting some success and confidence. i dont think he’d mind hahaha. especially if it helps make more hwytes.

varg got at a good thing in a recent video, you dont have to be rich to have children. you can be dirt poor and have 6 children like him. he says he plans to have MORE. i was like hell yeah. i mean really 3 is enough. i worry that he might be a deadbeat to his 21 year old daughter but i dont expect him to tell the full story about that. i’d wager he’s a good father to his 5 young children.

but yeah basically its a J lie that you need to be rich to have a child. oh, im not ready, im not making enough money to support a child. some whites come forward and say hey im pretty poor and we have 3 children. we live within our means, we dont have cable, we buy used clothes, we dont live in the city, we get a surprising amount of welfare from even the US.

so basically i should just have a child right now and then that might motivate me to at least work hard and make 28k a year. or fail at that, be a deadbeat dad, and K muh self out of well-deserved SHAME.

live in a hwyte pride single wide in the boondocks, make muh 28k a year, wife stays home and homeschools kids, at least 3 of them, no more than 2 years apart, so they can socialize with each other. thats the other bad thing about schools is that kids get closer to possibly deadbeat friends that to their own families. SCHOOLS BREAK FAMILIES APART.

argument: your kids will be weird and antisocial and not know how to talk to people.

REBUTTED: they will make friends with their siblings and also as part of the homeschooling, the mother would have them meet other (extremely vetted) people of all ages. old and young. meet with other homeschool families. pool the resources and homeschool them together.

if you have your own business, you could have the kids come work with you and learn useful shit.

you can tell i just listened to greg johnson’s feb 2017 talk with kievsky hahahaha:

http://www dot counter-currents dot com/2017/02/recolonizing-america/

(they do trackbacks and even though I agree with CC 100%, I just dont want trackbacks to this blog atm)

both topkek goys. kievsky has been pushing these ideas for years and really has been quite influential on my own ideas. they are largely his hehehehe. except im not as hot on convenience stores and laundries necessarily. but owning your own business in general, fook yeah.

hmmm looks like greg and hunter wallace are not feuding any more. well thats nice. very rarely do i see people reconciling after past drama. that is great.

jimmy kimmel. thanks trump, becuase last year we were just saying the oscars were racist, and now we have a RACIST PRESIDENT OMG good god what a fooking disgusting show of jooery. i watched it for literally no more than 10 seconds then said wtf am i doing, then turned off and watched 5 minutes of forensic files and went to bed. i used to be a huge movie buff. i still have it in me, wouldnt mind watching some good movies, would even sign up for netflix to get them. back in like 2012 and previous i would go to the theatre all the time, 2 times a week, just for fun. i guess that was kinda fun and i should try to see a few movies a year at matinee price if i can. i mean i dont think all movies are inherently bad. i spent a lot of time watching and enjoying movies. kinda sad that I got away from that. but i have little desire to see any of the oscar diversity shit movies.

apparently dave chappelle has a small role in “con air” hehehe. i never actually saw this movie but it looks pretty watchable.

if you have any disagreement with a leftist they WILL call you a RACIST. maybe this redpilled me somewhat. noticing that their default, fallback, last ditch argument is ALWAYS: youre a terrible RACIST.

and then i kept going and discovered that being a RACIST wasnt really such a HORRIBLE thing. to these leftists its the WORST THING EVER. LITERALLY HITLER.

but i dont think its really so bad at all! i dont expect normies to agree with THAT, but i think normies can be reached by pointing out, hey, you see how these pigs always think everyone is RACIST? is it REALLY? what does RACIST mean to you, vs what does it mean to THEM?

but i also dont think its great when the whites get DEFENSIVE and say no youre wrong, im not a racist, i have friends of all races. cuz then they are agreeing with the leftists that being a racist is the worst thing ever, and that you are taking their BULLSHIT seriously.

hehehe you can have friends of diff races and still be a racist and ITS ALL GOOD. i mean HOW GOOD of friends are you with them anyway? is your BEST FRIEND a diff race? PROBABLY NOT.

i know/knew 1 or 2 good joos who i wouldn’t put in the oven. but i would still say, hey, we can still keep in touch, but you need to be with your people. as a good joo you could make your race better. the joos need more good joos like you. so go to israel and lead them.

ive never been super duper besties with a person of a diff race. well i was in luv with 2 jooish gurls, wanted to date them and have traditional rels with them, but i got over it and im glad i did. dodged a bullet there. plus those women had no interest in making an effort to be a Good GF to me, they wanted nothing of the sort. maybe if they were in luv with me and made a solid effort…..i might be softer on da joos now. but they certainly didnt CAUSE me to be so anti J ish. when i think of bad J’s i don’t think of THEM. shit them being flaky modern slutty WOMEN was even WORSE than them being J’s.

i had a kinda good friend who was a brown nonarab muslim. he was a huge leftist who was rebelling …. ya know i’m not even sure his parents were muslim. i think they were, but they didnt disown him for being not at all religious. or maybe he kept it secret from them. see i didnt really know him that well i guess. he was a huge leftist and was the first superleftist i ever met. well no thats not true. i believe he was at heart a decent guy and i wish him well. i think he became a successful attorney banging white gurls. i still wish him well but i wish he would not bang white gurls. i lost touch with him fairly quickly. not because he was a shitty guy, but i guess we werent really super besties with long lasting mutual mancrushes on each other.

and thats about it. maybe i would let like 5 nonwhites stay in my hwyte homeland, but i imagine at that point, theyd WANT to be with their families and realize they would be happier in their ethnic homeland.

i wuldnt have a big problem sending them back in other words. give them leadership positions in their countries. they’re not bad people.

and probably yes this is all easier to say because as of right NOW, no i DONT have any friends who are nonwhite. i barely have any friends period hahahaha. i have a few acquaintances and they are all white and im fine with that. i am more bothered by the idea of having just acquaintances and no real close friends. but it doesnt KILL me the way it did when i was young, like 20 years old and would feel SOUL CRUSHING LONELINESS. I dont really feel THAT lonely anymore. except when i think of That Woman, how i felt really close to her, and that closeness I was missing, it took her to make me realize i was even MISSING it. so it was esp brutal when she left. i guess some of that loneliness came back but it was more brutal savage heartbreak than loneliness if that makes any sense.

and again thankful to be past all that, or at least 88% hehehe.

but yeah. its hard to say i would have become such huge racist if i had some super close nonwhite friends. but you know what it REALLY doesnt bother me. im MUCH more bothered with being a loser who isnt TOUGH enough to WORK and ACHIEVE anything in life. shit being a racist has been a pretty big POSITIVE in my life, hahahaha.  I LIKE being a racist.

con air, hahaha this looks pretty good. i mean its no die hard or robocop but its nick cage at his 85% best. 100% best being leaving las vegas of course. raising arizona is way up there too. weatherman and the rock were also good. stick con air on that tier.  where the hell has he been lately. he was making super shitty movies up until about 3 years ago. i think he went bankrupt because of a bitch ex wife. damn.

dont know if i fully buy steve buscemi as a hannibal lecter type, but he seems funny, i’ll allow it

getting deep varg hehehe. i mean i think has gotten to the next level with his video making, which i dont think he ever got to with his blog or his writings. he is reaching more people and becoming better and more persuasive.  he’s a decent writer but he’s found he can be even more effective with simple talking videos, and he’s been working on this and just getting better and better at it the pat couple years. he’s on a great path and its good to see him on that path. its MUCH MUCH MUCH better than making boring synth albums or writing a blog 1000 people read. but rather making great, moving, persuasive, awesome videos that 100000 people watch and comment on eagerly. there is a new generation of kids that dont even know about burzum, they are here because they are down iwth the 14 words. this is WAY better than the old farts who are only there because they are BOORTZUM fanbois and dont understand the 14w or what varg is really saying.

im in an interesting venn diagram there, as i am an old fart burzum fanboi, but i also agree with varg’s 14 words stuff 88% hahahaha. again, so glad he’s recognized his own talent in making these videos and he spends more time on them than boring music. he’s said as much. i dont really want to play guitar that much, i know i have MUCH MORE IMPORTANT WORK TO DO. and this is it.

now, he’s made at least two of the best black metal albums of ALL TIME, and thats nothing to sneeze at. its no surpirse he has fanbois. believe it. hvis lyset tar oss, filosofem, and to a somewhat lesser degree debut have stood the test of time and will continue to. but i dont think he’s gonna top those, he doesn’t think he’s gonna top those, and he knows he has much more important work to do now that he’s a old fart hahahaha. and i’d so happy he chooses to do this work, than spend his time making boring albums. hey “belus” is actually pretty good. “fallen” has some good songs too. he started losing me on “umskiptar.”

only way this could be better is if he starts including his wife and children more in his videos. i think he might, he’s been showing his kids a little more bit by bit. showing off his new baby. and i can understand wanting to keep your family private. but i also understand wanting to show off your beautiful white family that you are so proud of.

ideally i want a video with varg and marie talking together about The Ideal relationship between a man and woman, husband and wife, and how they raise their children. i dont think marie speaks very good english though. well she writes pretty good english, so i say give it a try.

heh. the mgtow turd flinging monkey did a response to varg’s anti-mgtow video and comments were full of anti-varg mgtow pvssies. really made me thankful i have Disavowed MGTOW. these people will NEVER get it. varg has not made a response back, not that he needs to.

i have sympathy for mgtows because i KNOW how bad women are, believe me. i WAS a mgtow. but you cant stay stuck in that rut. the women are not the issue dude hahahaha.

now that i have been away from mgtow for a few years and more into the race and 14w stuff, it just makes it even more clear that i made the right choice. i dont want to be in that SAD world of woman-hate. shit i got ENOUGH woman-hate as it is. but i know its not their fault. theyre just animals doing what they’ve been conditioned to do hehehe. by you know who. and no fathers and single mothers. which id argue is a bullshit family structure that is intentionally PUSHED by you know who because they damn well KNOW how powerful of a weapon the destruction of the FAMILY is to the goyim. destroy the FAMILIES, destroy the WOMEN, and then the men will fall too, becoming weak omega phaggot suicidal self destructive cucks with nothing to live for. Sad! but it doesnt have to be that way. really meditate on those 14 holy words and you’ll start to see it doesnt have to be that way.

 

wed oct 11

feb 26

looking for a full concert of maiden with good sound quality and hopefully good video, and from the last 5-10 years. this seems promising. nicko looks terrible but is playing great. bruce is very high energy. steve harris is very high energy and i love his aggressive attack on the bass. i think its so lame when bass players use a Pick and i am glad he has never done that.  wow bruce has more energy at 55 years old than i do at a somewhat younger age hahahaha.

nearly 2 hour set. i hope they take a break in the middle hahahaha. they deserve it. god damn why did i miss maiden in 2016? or was in 2015? i was in a terrible state in 15 but seeing them would def lift my spirits. lifts muh spirits just watching this vid.

i dont even mind that bruce uses a few too many f bombs during his banter. hes excited. i would be too. not a bad way to be, being bruce. bruce almighty hahahahaha. no i didnt come up with that, thats a well known term of endearment for bruce in the community.

thats the other great thing about maiden fans, is the very strong sense of community, camaraderie, that i dont really see as much with a band like priest.

maiden fans are best fans hahahaha.  i would be glad to be part of that group.

GEORGE Feels may be going on hiatus as announced in his brand new “goodbye” video. left him another comment, 2 comments in 2 days hahahaha. again tried to express my support for him, and best wishes, and that he is welcome to email me. i think it would be good to get away from youtube, that has got to be draining and stressful. that is like me going on youtube and talking about UFMLL shit and showing my face. i could never do that. i need the comfort level of just being faceless words with all comments closed. i mean i WOULD like to do speaking stuff at some point because i think speaking is better than writing, but i just dont know the best way to do this. maybe a “lighter” and less TMI version of this blog and i certainly wouldnt show my face?

there are so many Old Rockers with long hair. now long hair is great but the hard truth of life is, like half of men lose their hair. therefore, its probably many of these guys are taking rogaine or some shit. i would almost rather they just go bald. you can always grow your remaining hair long and be all bald on top hahahaha.

19.9 BMI. this probably means i am not fat hahahahaha. i mean not in shape enough to attract a women because i have too many other deficits, but i am not doing it for women, i am doing it for myself, and kinda for my RACE. it does not BEFIT a decent hwyte man to be FAT.

sheeeeit got onto another slippery slope today cuz i thought i was above it. looked up the company which i heard That Woman worked at as of around summer 2016. found they basically have one headquarters which would be the building in the area she would work at. found a xmas holidays photo of the company, xmas 2016 time, with like 50 people in group photo in the foyer or whatever. on company facebook page. looked at the picture and tried to find her in there. found one woman that could be her but the picture is honestly a bit too fuzzy to tell. so i zoomed in 300 percent on this one woman and was like, is that her, or just a woman that kinda looks like her in a kinda fuzzy blown up photo? is her hair the right length and the right texture? would she wear something like that? i never saw her dress in anything “businessy” which it looked like some people were semi dressed up for the holiday party.

would she even be invited to the holiday party? do they have another office somewhere which they dont advertise where all the underlings work? would they invite her? is she an underling or not?

where we used to work we could essentially dress like slobs because we didnt face the customers, just phones. many people did dress like fat slobs. didnt really blame them, it was a soul crushing job and many people were stressed and depressed. i tried not to dress like a slob because i dont like doing that in general, but i didnt really rise to the level of “business casual” either. i mean you could wear jeans and hoodies and sneakers and tshirts. i never saw her dress up semi-nice for a semi-business work setting. im sure she would look beautiful hahahahahahahahaha.

now im tempted to look at the picture for a third time to convince myself its NOT her. i dont even know that she still works there. maybe the guy who told me got the company wrong. got it confused with a different person or a diff company. maybe if she did work there, she left before december 2016. maybe she wasnt at that event or in that picture. again, there was only the one person out of 50 who even remotely looked like her. not a high res picture, at a distance, to capture a large group of people.

i also went through a few of there recent youtube videos to see if i could hear her voice talking on the presentations. i did not.

i did not spend too much time doing all of this, when i realized, this is a god damn slippery slope that is worse than that pseudo-porno i looked at the other day with mattress gurl hahahahaha.

now im still tempted. because i want to prove its NOT her. or do i REALLY want to prove it IS her?

the WORST CASE scenario would be to do some google and facebook and instagram and okcupid stalking on her actual NAME. maybe i would find shes actually working somewhere else. maybe i would find that she is dead. good lord.

anyway, its good that i didnt spend too much time on that, and i should NOT try anything else of the sort.

i usually make burgers in the oven. nice big third pound burgers. then put them in the freezer and take one out the night before i plan eating it. they are big protein filled burgers. I also freeze them with the bun, each in a baggie. i scrape off a large part of the bun to make it as thin as possible without falling apart, because the wheaty joo is about the most useless food ever, full of empty goddamn calories. but i still want some sort of bun on muh burger or sammich. so i feel these Thin Buns are the perfect solution. i mean i have been doing this for a few months and the pounds have been melting off. i am the thinnest i have been since i was like 21. damn. so i am happy and grateful and proud about that at least.

but i am getting sick of burgers so i decided i was in the mood for a Meatball Sub. so i made a bunch of nice sized 2.5 oz meatballs in the oven. got some mini sub buns, total wheat joo here, and scraped them down until they were much thinner. put on 2.5 of the 2.5 oz meatballs on. which is like 6.2 oz of pure glorious beef, by far my favorite miracle superfood. put a small amount of cheese on and some tomato sauce. trying to mimic the classic subway meatball sub. it turned out pretty good but kinda messy. i will glady eat the rest of them all up. ate one today and made 5 more, put them in the freezer. freeze them with the buns and the cheese, but will put the tomato sauce on them later, when i heat them up, just cuz the sauce is the messiest part. the meatballs themselves came out really good and will def make again. 2.5 to 3 oz balls. usually use 80 20 beef but when i went to the store they only had 72 25 beef. not a problem, i do like the animal fat. gives flavor and its good for you hahahaha. of course there is a decent amount of melted fat in the pan when im done so i drain it, but of course some still seeps into the beef, which is fine by me. makes for nice juicy beef.

so that was nice. the sub buns were stupid thick so i had to scrape a lot of bread off them. literally scraping worthless calories away. compare to the beef, which i consider to be not worthless calories at all. worthwhile.

had social event last night. never go to these, so i rarely get invited, but this time i said nope i gonna do it, it would be a nice signal by me. took valium before going out to bar. was pretty nervous. got in there and then things were pretty ok. people were surprised but pleasantly so that i came out. i said i was happy to come, i would like to come to more of these things, i just dont like loud bars on saturday night, so thats why i dont come out every week or every month hahaha. but i will drink soda and cheer you on for karaoke and celebrate all the good stuff going on.

so yeah that was ultimately a very positive thing. i hate bars because they are so loud and crowded, and if somebody talks to me, i can never understand what they are saying cuz its so loud, and other people dont seem to have problem shouting conversations in loud bars, but i sure do. but i might be overestimating this, and they know its loud, and they dont EXPECT to have an in depth conversation while loud karaoke is going on, so you just have fun watching that. and i do generally like karaoke. its a fun thing that makes drinking fun hahaha. ive done it before when i was raging drunk and it was pretty fun.

never did it when not drinking. i would kinda like to, but also very nervous and doubtful. cant pick a bad song. got to study some people there and saw good and bad songs. most were actually good. i didnt know many of the country songs but they still seemed like good karaoke songs.

you have to pick a song shorter than 4 minutes, it has to be a song most people know, it has to be a fun kinda song people can sing while drinking.

i had a few candidates i’ve mentioned recently: danzig mother, dio holy diver, would love to do some maiden but i cant do god damn 14 minute rime of the ancient mariner. leaning towards children of the damned but that is kind of a deep cut. maybe hallowed be thy name but its too LONG. maybe seventh son but its too LONG, but it could work if i cut it in half, theres no singing in the second half anyway.

some drunk guy sang jewel foolish games, he had a good karaoke sense, also did drowning pool bodies and the titanic love song my heart will go on hahahaha. you have to have a sense of humor.

so my thought of meat loaf ill do antyhing for love IS a great candidate, and no one sang that.

i mean you cant go up there and sing burzum or darkthrone or shit.

pantera maybe. i hear walk is a semi popular karaoke song.

country songs about partying or drinking are good. sentimental songs about makin luv are good. one guy sang darius rucker who has a great voice but i dont know any of his post-hootie songs hahahaha. and i would want to sing a song i didnt KNOW! but if youre sloppy drunk, its not a problem.

one sloppy drunk woman did war pigs, which is a CLASSIC, GREAT, TOPKEK song……but a terrible choice for karaoke because its too long.

 

 

 

YOU WANT TO HELP BUT YOU CAN ONLY HARM

feb 25

this is happening right now. quickly watched the speeches by Muh Woes, RZP, and Fat Forney. Woes was great and looked 600000 times more presentable than at NPI. he lost weight and was wearing a Dress Shirt and had a great speech where he mentioned the 14 words several times. MUH N1GG4.

RZP had a good speech where he showed himself to be very J aware and well read, though still maintaining his sense of humor. I just dont like 4 minute videos that are more jokes than substance. but he seems to be moving away from that. i resubbed to his channel after watching hahahaha.

Forney surprised me and had a great speech, getting passionate at times. he def gets mocked and and bullied by TRS but I thought his speech was really good. he mentioned his progression into becoming more pro-white than he was in the mala fide days (and I enjoyed IMF back in the day.) at this rate he is not far from potentially disavowing the more degenerate of his older books. still needs to lose weight though. maybe then a black suit would look better. but i am damn tempted to reinstate muh patreon dnation to him after this one. good job forney. give him a little credit on this.

oh god bless you george, i think he is making a breakthrough right now, at long last. he is developing a real sense of humor and confidence.

this is the video he’s referring to which he dd just previously.

I was moved to send him what I thought was a friendly and supporting message to encourage him on what seems to be a really positive turn for george. i really want to see him succeed because me and him are very very much alike, have fought with very very similar issues.

i think this is the correct song order.

saturday “morning”, the time is right for this maiden LIVE album. 1984 ish, the height of their game. regretting more and more not seeing them live on book of souls tour. hope there is a next time, maiden is now officially on The Concert Bucket List. Period.

one of my serious worries is that i will hurt people rather than help them, when I am coming at them with 6000000000% Good Faith and Will to help them. I want to help neets and losers and people like me and George. I very rarely reach out and communicate with these people. When I do, it’s only out of the will to support and encourage and help them. I would be absolutely devastated if my efforts had a NEGATIVE effect on them. I HATE being a BAD INFLUENCE on people, in short, because that’s the last thing I want to be. I want to be a GOOD influence on them.

but it’s hard because of my own issues, I CAN potentially be a negative influence on people without even trying, certainly without wanting. It DEVASTATED me to think i was a negative influence on That Woman and made her life worse, when she was a good influence on me and made my life better. I wanted to do the same thing to her.

thank GOD I am over that, but the same sentiment applies to anyone I know in real life. my few friends and acquaintances. i dont want to be a Toxic Person that they are better off cutting me out of their lives. and especially when I make an effort to be a supportive and friendly. I don’t want them to say, welp he means well but he’s just not good enough.

possibly even worse is if they DO take my input seriously, but then misunderstand it, misinterpret it, and do bad things. thankfully i dont really have any examples of that.

something in Woes’s video on milo, he had a tangent that mentioned that some men might want to be mentors and helpers to younger people. help and guide and improve them. But maybe the mentor is in such a shitty state that even though he WANTS to help, it would STILL be a BAD idea for the “mentee” to listen to them. meaning its BEST for you to NOT EVEN TRY TO HELP people, because when you TRY to HELP people, you just end up HURTING them. as someone who WANTS TO HELP people, this worry is very very very troubling indeed. which is prob why i don’t Reach Out to people who need help. and why I consciously distance myself from communicating directly with the intended audience of this blog – hwyte men who NEED HELP.

but also even more of a priority than helping others is helping MYSELF first. doctor cure thyself first hahahaha. but at the same time, i DO totally see myself as POTENTIALLY being helpful to others in similar positions, even though I’m not a full blown winner yet, and probably wont be until I am 50, if ever.

but I don’t want to totally BAN myself from EVEN TRYING TO HELP people. if the opportunity is there, I want to be able to do it, and actually succeed.

again, not a HUGE worry because it actually hasn’t happened. The closest thing i’ve actually experienced is having friends I really liked and respected, and wanting to improve their lives the way that they improved mine……and failing, because ultimately I wasn’t a “good fit” with them. like with That Woman.

or, 10 years ago, I was a total degenerate, drinking and MJ’ing and being a total punk loser, but I STILL had good friends. good, positive people. but I was the bad boy. they might have joked that I was a bad influence on them, corrupting the youth, turning younger kids into MJ heads or cynical nihilists. I knew they were partially joking, but I always worried about the kernel of truth there. I mean they didn’t Reject me and say get away from me you loser, so I realize I was probably more of a good influence than a bad influence. but even just the idea that I could be a bad influence at all. that really sits badly with me and is prob one of the more effective motivators to improve myself. but god damn that has been a long, long, long, slow baby steps struggle lasting well over 10 years and will prob last 20 years at least. bringing me WELL into the second half of my LIFE, which I am close to entering right now. god damn.

like it felt really good to Communicate with George just as he seems to be Turning His Life Around. then I got hit with the doubt that he might not need my help, not WANT my help, and just find me useless at best, and actively harmful at worst.

cuz i could see myself Helping People for a Living, and I would hate to be in that position and FAIL COMPLETELY at it. To want and try to help them, but just end up hurting them.

i know this is a very real thing for social workers and therapists and shrinks and teachers and people whose job it is to help people, who really WANT to help people. they end up taking shit too personally. it boils down to the fact that you can never MAKE someone do ANYTHING. you can lead the horse to water but cant make them drink. period. but you also cant HELP but take it personally when you’ve tried so hard to help them. its a similar situation with muh fam. they’ve tried so hard to help me……but nothing worked. thankfully I have made more of a conscious effort to “pay them back” for their valiant, heroic efforts, to send the message that even if i didn’t turn out too well, I still appreciate their heroic, self-sacrificing efforts. any other kid would have turned out to be a huge success, but i was always a bad seed i guess.

but thats a horrible view of muh self. i really really feel like a bad seed but, just like George, i do have a good side. it can just be REALLY HARD to FIND and to encourage in yourself. to feel the good dog and NOT feed the bad dog, to use that old very very very very TRUE cliche. I’ve fed the bad dog so much, i dont even know what the good dog looks like or where he is. the good dog has become an unknown unknown hahahahahaha. but thats not totally true, i know my good dog involves my desire to help people like i said above. and to be a nice moral person who wants to help people, to help children, to be a good person and not a lazy loser degenerate.

you totally can lose track of your good dog, not have contact with him for months or years. so it really IS an empowering thing to finally stumble upon the good dog again. but you gotta hold on to him, feed him, and not let him go. I am sort of doing this and George seems to finally have found his good dog for the first time in a while. maybe reminds me that I have a good dog in myself too, we ALL do. even fookin nonwhytes. but ESPECIALLY hwytes hahahahaha.

ok i have pre emptively moved this into the topkek posts page because these are very important points. serious shit. but i think i am done being serious today, so back to the SHITPOSTING hahahahaha.

was a pill popping maniac yesterday, which yes, IS degenerate. 3 valiums and 2 benedryls. crashed into bed around 130 am, having got up at 5am the previous day. slept pretty solidly to about 12pm and then have been eckbearding today….well sorta. watched some great yt vids, wrote a very nice thing to george, wrote a qualitypost above, so really the neckbearding starts now. but its already 4pm . feels more like 1 pm hahaha. this is what happens when you stay up late and get up late.

would like to do a powerwalk but it might be too cold out there, coldest its been all week. cold and windy. not a good comvo hahahah.

got a social thing today starting at the late hour of 10 pm. will prob take 1 valium before leaving. ideally would sing a good karaoke song. actually ideally i would find some degenerate at the bar and buy 20 dollars of MJ off him hahaha. its actually not impossible. also contribute 20 dollars of goodwill to the group bar tab as several achievements are being celebrated. and ive been wanting to go to more social events and not look like an aloof antisocial prick. i dont have to stay longer than 2 hours. no one is asking me to close down the bar, although the others prob will hahahaha.

hahaha it looks like well known swedish black metal band marduk is now being PROTESTED by ANTIFA on some 2017 US shows because they think they are NAZIS hahahaha. i have been on the fence about making an effort to see marduk. i mean i really SHOULD, im sure its a GREAT metal show,and ive never seen them, and have sorta wanted to for years. they have a good aesthetic of christraeping black metal and i like their brutal blasting and i like that their Aesthetic has become gradually more “FASCIST” over the years, that is much better than satanic bullshit. naturally the antifa see this and think they are nazis. Which i would be thrilled if they WERE! but now i’m hoping marduk doesnt CUCK and make a statement like “we are a nonpolitical band who is totally anti racist and anti fascist, we welcome fans of all races. we just like ww2 stuff in our Brutal Aesthetic.” i mean the same thing happened to SLAYER. i cant remember if they made any Cucky Walkback statements. Pretty weak to see Toughguy metal bands doing Cucky Tolerance and Diversity stuff. to my knowledge, marduk hasn’t said a damn word and I hope they keep it that way and just continue playing brutal shows and this makes me want to see them more.

my main problem with them is , i want to like them and i’ve TRIED to like them for YEARS, but its SO hard to sit through an entire album without getting bored. the best would be a greatest hits album or a greatest hits concert. i dont doubt the concerts are great. i really should go. but stay away from all the degenerate drug and alcohol nihilist metalheads. shit some TRVE FASCISM would give their lives some direction and make them MUCH better people.

or the antifa complained that morgan from marduk didn’t roundly condemn varg vikernes when varg was arrested about 3 years ago for hate speech or something (later charges were dropped thankfully.) morgan said thats good they were dropped, this is a ridiculous violation of freeze peach. of course antifa hate that. means youre supporting a neo nazi.

they even bring up the fact that supporting band on tour incantation had a Ebil Nazi in their band 15 years ago.  I have seen incantation live more than any other death metal band, they put on a GREAT show every time. most of their albums are boring though. except for the old ones with the nazi singer. he has an EXCELLENT voice. and yes he is pretty much a much biger nazi than marduk ever will be hahahaha. and i love it! I say good for him! i’m surprised he doesnt get more pushback. but his current band disma has been banned from tours recently. they dont even say racist stuff. they just have craig pillard with his best death metal vocals ever. I enjoyed their album. I luv pillard’s voice, one of muh fav DM singers. and i LUV that he LUVS HIS RACE OPENLY. I STAND WITH CRAIG PILLARD hahahahaha. If I ever see you craigy I will buy you lunch and try to have an important conversation about race with you hahahahaha.  but yeah i’m not much into death metal. just iron maiden and black metal hahahaha.  and ALWAYS open to alt right, pro hwyte, racist music. hard to find GOOD ones there tho. greyfield stray is explicity alt right and post on TRS  but they/he are….. alternative prog rock? I should try listening more.

ok go to grocery store at 8pm. checked the google maps for a drop off in busy time. prefer to go to store on fridays not saturdays but working normies HAVE to go on sat or sun. and god have mercy on the poor souls who have to WORK at the grocery store on the weekends!!!!!!

yeah i would luv to sc0re a 20 dolla thing of MJ from some guy at the bar hahahaha. i mean it is a good bar. pretty much explicitly hwyte. always comments about how there’s never any blacks and are blacks even ALLOWED here? so yeah its pretty much the best bar ever, but still all the hwytes get degenerately drunk and bang barsluts.

but it is tech fun to watch karaoke. just too stressful to be put on the spot and have people goading you to do karaoke when you dont have a good song prepared, and youre not raging drunk because you dont drink anymore, in contrast to all the people around you getting raging drunk and partying and having a great time.

oh shit the lyrics of iron maiden’s “run to the hills” are explicitly anti-white, written from the perspective of Natives who were killed by the evil white conquistadores from across the sea.  well that’s what im getting out of the lyrics i can discern.

well i’ll let it slide because i dont think this is indicative of where their beliefs are at, i think they were just kind of doing a fantasy LARP as natives, i don’t know WHY, but they dont seem to do it regularly, and also it’s a pretty overrated song, never one of my favorites, pretty forgettable as far as their hits go hahahaha. just dont do it again guys.

and on a whole, iron maidens lyrics have NEVER been really IDEOLOGICAL or POLITICAL. which I wouldnt have a problem if they were ideological in the right way hahahahaha.

i also have this fantasy, this hope, that maiden was less degenerate than other bands like priest. they didnt do as much coke, they didnt drink themselves stupid as much, they didnt bang as many filthy whores, they actually had enough pride to not perform sloppy concerts while fooked up on drugs and alcohol and half assing it for the working slobs paying to see a good show.

like when i was a young lad going to pantera concerts (wow does that make me feel OLD), they were often shitty drunk. i thought that was awesome, as I glorified the degen behavior they showed in their “watch it go” video, where they made being a drunk degenerate look like the most fun in the world.

to their credit the band still sounded tight as shit and i guess darrell was capable of playing perfectly despite having an 80% BAC hahahaha. but phil was always sloppy and fooking hostile hahahaha. he was not at his finest. of course i thought this made him a huge badass, but now i’m mature enough to realize its disrespectful to himself, his band, and the fans.

but yeah it was ultimately horrible for me to think that pantera was so cool the way they partied like degen animal N3GR0ES. I just didnt view it like that. it was more like, god damn its awesome and fun to be raging drunk as much as possible!!!!!!!!

i dont blame them for my own degeneracy…..but that was not a good example for me to be following. i really wish i knew better.

ok now looking for iron maiden tributes, pref with more “heavy” bands and less gay bands hahahaha. i would even listen to metallica doing tribute as long as they are not being super gay hahaha. the remember tomorrow cover does sound ok. i know opeth did a cover of this song too. never my fav maiden song to begin with hahaha.

there are some good bands in here like evoken and morgion for example. and angel corpse!!!! solitude aeternus is not bad. absu is ok, vital remains is probably listenable haha. i think i saw them live. probably with incantation hahahaha. who is of course the much better DM band and they should do some maiden covers.

morgion was a VERY UNDERRATED band and i would luv to see them come back. I discovered them when I was YOUNG and that was one of the better musical taste decisions I made at that age. the solinari album is a timeless classic.

homeowners insurance. zillow IMPLIES that it adds a pretty big amount to your monthly mortgage payment. do you HAVE to get the insurance? is it a complete jooish scam bullshit with no benefits, like CAR insurance, which i spent a decent amount of money on, but get NO benefit from it, even if, ESPECIALLY if i were to get in a car accident? im only buying the “cheapest”, most useless insurance, because i legally HAVE to, and it is a TERRIBLE deal. its very expensive and get no value out of it. getting SCREWED. this is why literally TONS of people just dont buy car insurance and drive without insurance. because they simply cant AFFORD the legal bare MINIMUM. is home insurance like that?

because i see a house for sale for 6000 dollars and im like hmmmm.

also i dont like the idea of this iron maidens female tribute band. the picture i saw showed an honestly VERY attractive white guitar player with her tits hanging out like a whore. it would be a lot better if they didnt dress all SEXY aka SLUTTY. that is not good for a hwyte woman to do. any woman really but hwyte women are MY women and I want to defend their honor and not have them throw it all away.

also do not trust women who play in bands. i used to think it was cool. like oh thats a Cool Chick. then i realized cool just meant crazy af and would prob have no problem throwing you away like a piece of garbage and being cold and cruel to you with crazy bullshit. but probably being very wild and secsy in the bedroom. dont stick your dick in crazy. ever. unless your heart is cold as ice and you are willing to throw her away before she throws you away. and its never good for people to throw people away. so just dont do it.

 

 

IRON MAIDEN EVERY DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY

feb 22

milo resigning. i think i already mentioned this. as trs says, we didnt realize the MSM lugenpresse thought pedophilia was a bad thing hahahaha. i guess they hate rightists even MORE than they LUV joos and degeneracy! wow!

taing benedryl today, did not sleep well last night unfort. today got a new project, well, technically was reminded of an old project that i forgot about. basically i need to “Create Some Documentation” for this device that I dont know how to use, so I have to figure out how to use it, write up some FAQs and How Tos and Fact Sheet and a report or something. produce our own documentation on how to use this thing. i can def source heavily from the manufacturer. big part of it is also teaching myself how to use android and ios, which is hilarious that ive never owned a smart phone,. basically every random normie 80 IQ is an expert at android OR ios because every normie has a phone! i do not have a smart phone so all this is news to me.

i dont see the value in the device. i think its too expensive and no one uses it because no one knows how. well….other people in our office do, but we gotta essentially try to SELL IT to our “clients”, and i use these terms very loosely. i dont REALLY need to SELL this overpriced thing. weve already wasted the money on it. now we just gotta convince people to use it. which imho is tricky enough. and imho there is easier, cheaper ways of doing a similar thing. real weird position to have a budget to by Tech Toys no one really NEEDS and then convince them to get Value out of it hahaha. and i cant really tell muh manager yeah no ones gonna use this, just cancel our subscription when this year is up because its a waste of money. but i should try to find some Usage Stats and include that in my Report. be like hey this thing is being used once a year and its costing us 200 dollars a year.

basically just busywork makework, not really adding value. real adding value would be never buying the thing in the first place!

its just WEIRD to be in this position, never expected to be in a place that was this FLUSH with CASH to spend on shit you dont really need, rather than trying to CUT COSTS EVERYWHERE and sending people home early and doing away with Quality.  but thankfully The Union wont let them send people home early, guarantees people X number of hours a week.

i am still learning the basics, like how our department adds any value at all. why are we NEEDED. just fire everyone and we could still get out a low quality product. does quality really matter THAT much? was the bad lesson i learned from my prevous job.

and the answer obviously is, YES IT DOES, when your product means fixing broken shit, and you don’t fix it.

but here we’re not really fixing shit. we are basically window dressing on a product that could get by without us. it would be a lot less presentable, but it would prob still SELL, and would still WORK. its like buying a kia vs a cadillac. do our Customers really need Cadillacs? well they arent really paying cadillac prices though. so where the hell do we get this money? other departments get federal grants. we could very possibly get fed grants but i cant name them. always forget to ask about that. i should ask about it. show the manager that i care how shit is run hahahaha. not that i want to take his job, not that I COULD, but to show I Think Like A Leader.

ok did some more at-home work on muh job project. going to bed at 8 instead of 7 because 7 was too early yesterday. took 2 benedryls tho today: one at 3ish, another at 5ish.

George is up to video FIVE on his 20 minute q and a responses. he’s HAD to have answered my questions in there, mentioned me. I am SCARED to listen. I might give it a few more weeks till I am less scared. he can email me if he wants, he has muh topkek topsecret email.

GOOD GOD I got an email from GREG JOHNSON hahahahaha personally thanking me for a donation I gave in december. Actually TWO emails ten days apart. WTF do I even say to that. I quickly send him a blabbering message back saying no, thank YOU, hahaha. I was just surprised that he’d send me an email for a damn paltry 5 dollar donation! What a Top Goy!!!!

Greg Johnson. Grindr Greggy, sending ME an email, hahaha, thats just ridiculous. I dont even care if hes a gay hahahahaha. guy’s done some great, unimpeachable work, and he was one of the first people I read when getting into This Huhwyte thing.

feb 23

greg johnson. say what you will about his private life, but that was a very HUHWHYTE thing of him to do, thank widdle ol neet me for a goddam 5 dollar dnation. just for that I will visit CC for the first time in months, find a great new interview hes doing with kievsky, one of muh oldskool fav guys, and think seriously about getting gregs nice hwyte country book. he is a great writer in addition to a good speaker/conversationalist.

real good guy greg hahahaha. does anybody even remember that meme. its still a good meme.

steve bannon speaking at cpac. nice. i would like to hear alot more of bannon speaking. not because i’m suspicious of him, but i think i would really like him even more than i expected. but shit, if he is suspicious, id want to know about that too. i just hope he is a YUGE badass, and unfort we often forget he’s there. never forget!

HAVE YOU LISTENED TO YOUR DAILY DOSE OF IRON MAIDEN TODAY?

I was not joking when I said IRON MAIDEN EVERY DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY. it IMPROVES YOUR HEALTH.

This was actually the second Maiden album I ever got, after “Powerslave.” I saw Killers in the used CD section and got it. Not sure if I realized Dianno was on it. at any rate, he sounds GREAT. it’s pointless to compare him and bruce. both are great. ok, bruce is better, but i don’t think bruce would have fit on this album, and I think dianno could have have a good effort on later maiden. he has a great, masculine voice, brings out the masculine energy of the music very well. more of a tough guy than bruce. i mean i hate to say he’s MORE masculine because bruce is pretty damn masculine.

havent listened enough to the debut but killers seems to be the way stronger dianno album.

and it more than accomplishes the Health Benefits of Maiden: ie, Upping Your Confidence. UP THE IRONS, UP YOUR CONFIDENCE. high-energy, feel-good, masculine, confident, pulse-pounding music that makes you feel very alive. hard rocking. no mopey navel gazing. no negative emotions. good vibes all around.

not that i dislike sad music at all! but i prob enjoy too MUCH of it, and need more Happy Music! and so do you!

there is NOTHING wrong with Dianno era maiden. would be great at the GYM for POWERLIFTING and POWER SPRINTS.

now i’m obsessing about this darn job-related documentation project. in a good way, I think. but yeah def spending a lot of TIME on it, outside of job, no less. people better be impressed hahahahaha. write me a good reference for this one. i dont feel super pressured, feel more like a detective on the verge of cracking the case. in other words, feel good not bad, thank GOD. ACTUALLY LEARNING something and figuring something out. It takes some struggling with the concepts though. But this is NORMAL. But I tell you, I REALLLLLLY hate struggling with something and NOT learning it, and remaining in a state of confusion. that was the bulk of my last job. it made me doubt my ability to LEARN things. i felt like I had a LEARNING DISABILITY. And thought shit, maybe I still DO have a learning disablity. from sm0king all that MJ, and drinking too much when I was young, and also from having a super confusing job for over a year, combined with a year and a half of mind-numbing NEETness. It’s amazing my brain still works AT ALL and that I could learn something as simple as 1+1. But today I learned something. Not something super complicated. pretty embarrassing i had to struggle for a whole day with such a simple concept. WELP THAT JUST PROVES IM AN IDIOT. Thankfully I don’t really feel that way. Well if they think I’m an idiot…..I mean I was name dropping Bunuel today in reference to Dali, and I actually knew this architect this other guy was talking about. if were a total idiot I wouldnt know these names hahahahahahaha. It might just take me a day to learn a very simple technical concept, like you don’t plug this thing into that thing, it won’t work correctly. And I wanted to work with TECHNOLOGY????!!?!?!?!?!?!!? I was actually pretty good at it though. but the LEARNING CURVE was absolutely BRUTAL and VERY hard to SURVIVE.

i cant overstate how bad that year and a half of neetness was for my brain. i mean i HATE FEELING LIKE AN IDIOT. I USED to be pretty smart, I SWEAR. PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!!!!

feb 24

please respond! please believe me! please give me the benefit of the doubt! please treat me like a human being! please! I beg you! im not an idiot and im not a weird monster!

hahahaha. ok weekend. obv would luv huge thing of you know what. degenerate. bbbbbut i just want to get it out of muh system. give me one big bag o degen and thats it for a good while.

so in protest i have taken a benedryl, will take 2 valium  and 1 more benedryl with about 2 hours in between each.

ooooh sventh son has done his first post doxing video with face. very nice. would like to see moar. tons of great banter in the comments about him not being hwyte hahahaha. he is even more charming when he shows his face hahaha.

heh. tfw you go to dailystormer for the first time in a few weeks and see he has an official tshirt so you have to buy it now. it’s not the greatest design but these campaigns are limited time only. hope he doesnt come out with a better design immediately after this one closes.

oh dear god hahahahahahahaha. his first video AFAIK directly addressing MGTOW. is MGTOW even a thing any more? kind of embarrassing that I identified with it….like FOUR YEARS AGO hahahaha. to be MGTOW in current year is simple naive at best and J at worst.  see the mgtows bitching at varg in the comments, you can see how pathetic mgtow is.

took valium 1 at 630 pm. settling in with coffee and water and no one at the poker tables, damn. listened to abunch of yt vidyas at 1.5 and 2x speed. george feels you can do at 2x hahaha. hey im not hating. im a very slow talker to, i sound a lot better at 1.5 at LEAST.  wish i could do that in real life. might make me sound like less of a tongue tied idiot. only when im in interviews do i talk fast. still sound like a tongue tied idiot though.

oh god. came so close. i actually watched matress girl emma sulky’s retarded “raep” video for a few minutes today, i mean i had seen it when she first did it. she is not even attractive, but i would prob still bone her because she is an early 20s and non obese. and i get really titillated by scenes where the girl is on top and grinding her ass into the guy as he fooks her. great visual. i would really have fun with something like that. thank GOD i turned it off before i got too stimulated. i mean really? chinese joo mattress girl doing fake art that is closer to porn than art? however i almost wanted to jerk off to it to condemn her for being such a dirty disgusting dishonorable joo making a perversion of secs. it honestly cant be called “porn”, but it absoultely CAN be called mind-bogglinging jooish. layers and layers of jooish inception. thank GOD i did not jerk off to it, because then SHE would have won with her jooish filth. that isn’t TECHNICALLY porn, its more of a jooish perversion of Art and Aesthetics and Truth. not that porn isnt a jooish perversion.  but my god her artists statement on that video. read that fookin statement. dont watch any of the video unless you promise not to jerk off to it. cuz then the joo and their lies WIN, and you LOSE.

maybe i wanted an excuse to jerk off to something that wasnt “technical” porn.

wow. ALMOST slid down the slippery slope there. kinda disappointed i even took a step down that path, but glad i turned back. i mean it would be better to just jerk off to pictures of aryan women in wheatfields hahahaha. i mean i just feel kinda HORNY for ONCE, probably partially due to Weekend Party Time.

the title song is so good and i want seventh son to do a version of it. i would totally do it at karaoke. might have to do karaoke tomorrow. im thinking iron maiden, dio, danzig, maybe tom petty.

is steve miller a poor mans tom petty? is that unfair to steve miller? maybe he is a middle class mans tom petty hahahaha.

oooh nice been having a hot streak today:

2017-02-24-20_04_36-carom-0-01_0-02-no-limit-holdem-replay-14812328

well played but he culd have beat me. on one of my long cold streaks, he would have. and i have been cold a lot more than ive been warm! im 100 dollars in the hole all time!

https://smerffelectrical.com/smerff

this is what we need a LOT more of. this is a real guy named smerff in straya who is an electrician with his own electrician business. and on his business website he blatant says pro-white things and says he is a proud sponsor of daily stormer, who also proudly links him on their site. fookin awesome. we need stormer/white-supporting BUSINESSES in EVERY town.

his twitter account has been suspended. smerff. stormer’s was banned years ago haha.

i mean this guy makes no bones about his vehement pro-whyteness on his website, his facebook page, surprised that’s not banned.

check out the site. he employs at least seven proud white men and has classic aussie banter. does not tone anything down to try to increase his business. he obvious does well and STILL has STRONGLY pro-whyte message. amazing. terrific! this is awesome and we need companies like this in every town in the US, straya, the hwyte world.

see their contact information and tell them how awesome they are. send them money for doing no work. in a way this is even better than great journalism like stormer or TRS. they are out in the community providing hugely valuable electrician and AC service ANNNDDDDDD spreading a very positive pro-whyte message to their customers. i cant even wrap my mind around this, i have to sleep on it hahahaha.

daily stormer tshirt hehehe. apparently the company isnt actually alt right or pro white, but SO pro freedom of speech they will print pro white shirts as well as awful BLM and pro-abortion shirts. hmm. i was hoping it wouldnt be like that. i dont want to support baby murderers. but it is pretty good for a FREEZE PEACH advocate to actually not be a lying hypocrite when it comes to pro hwyte stuff. most freeze peach joos are anti freeze peach when it comes to HWYTES.

welp hope he doesnt sell my name and address hahahahaha. i mean it would never stand up in court hahaha unless he were subpoenaed for my name hahaha. which isnt gonna happen. what am i a lawyer all of a sudden?

i mean the chances of me not getting a job because somebody spilled the beans about me on an internet site that i bought a daily stormer (and trs) shirt……i dunno i just dont see it happening.

took valium 2 around 9pm

i sometimes have post titles that have nothing to do with the content, just saved from perhaps long before. did this with about 3 posts recently. 80% of posts I try to have somewhat relevant titles hahahaha.

the hacker wars, been meaning to watch this. large part from weev, dont think he talks about hwyte stuff tho. but hes def thinking it hahaha. he’s just a really interesting smart guy.

https://directory.libsyn.com/episode/index/show/illusionofsanity/id/4710977

weev on illusion of sanity 2016, alawites. a harder to find interview hehehe. have to use a libsyn downloaded to download it.

trying to find and follow all the pro-hwyte hwytes on gab hehehe. did my first repost today re the daily stormer shirt

yeah the two valiums dont do much but i guess its nicer than the alternative hahaha. the alternative being absolutely nothing. a bag of MJ would be so much better tho. but kind of scary to think that MJ is 600000000000 times more power than VALIUM, which is well known as a habit forming, addictive drug that can K you in super large doses. well im clearly not taking enough! should I take a third? but its already almost 11pm and i am getting tired and it would just be a waste. if i had MJ i would certainly be blazing it all day until the moment i crashed into oblivion.

yeah but at this time in the short term, isnt the valium in infinitely greater supply than the MJ? meaning, i have 80 valiums and 0 MJ.

heh. listening to NOTHING but iron maiden the past week. been pretty productive there.  whoops havent listened to the early 90s albums. ok putting on “no prayer for the dying”, which came right after 7th son. people crap on this album but it doesnt sound immediately horrible hahaha.

hmm well i made executive decsion and took valium #3 at 11pm just now. maybe it will be a waste, but i do have a lot. once i get down to like 10 then i will save them for “emergencies only”, for example, going out to a social function, or god forbid a “date”, or a job interview, or maybe a big Job Presentation. don’t think I will have to do any serious presentations for a while tho. if ever. i mean it would be a good thing to have that kind of responsibility and actually do an average job on it. good for resume, good for future interviews.

heh. started playing around with zillow to see where i you could get a “cheap”, small home in a somewhat hwyte boondocky area. basically get a trailer. white pride single wide (credit fatherland jim.) get good deals here but wonder about the white trash in close proximity. i believe that hwyte trash is better than black trash, although the Opioid and Meth Epidemics are making the hwyte trash even worse. why dont they have trailers that are on like an acre of land and dont have other trailers 10 feet away. but then you would basically be paying as much for the land as you are the trailer. trying to understand mortgages, 30 year fixed rate, 5/1 ARMs, etc. they should teach this in middle school or first year of high school. no later than age 14.

1 am here. should go to bed. been up since 5 am. meaning i have been awake for 20 hours. pretty serious. might take a benedryl just to be ultra idiotic. a pill popping machine on friday party night. 3 valiums and 2 benedryls. that can’t be good. but you could make an argument that its better than MJ! or is it? i mean im not so incoherent i cant type or look at zillow for 45 minutes hahaha.

i might actually be a good Real Estate guy. cuz i am very interested in finding decent homes at a good price and especially in good, safe, hwyte neighborhoods. but i would want to be honest and not bamboozle people into jooish mortgages. cuz it honestly is confusing. predatory lending. and i cant figure out what is the best deal. 30 year fixed is higher payment but supposedly more stable over the long term. so you pay extra for “piece of mind.” i kinda like that. but i certainly wouldnt want to live in the trailer for 30 years. 5/1 is built for people who want to move within 5 years. uhhh do they have a 10/1? i might like that better hehehehe.

ideally you just buy the house outright with cash. show up with 20 grand cash and buy the 20 grand house. but there is also homeowners insurance and property taxes. why cant they just include this in the price of the house. why cant they teach this stuff in high school instead of fookin english and spanish and diversity social studies and more bullshit sciences like geography. teach you stuff that will actually help you live a better life. how to be smart when buying a home, getting the most bang for your buck. you can always study the stuff that interests you from the comfort of your nice little home that you are not getting jooed on. of course, why would the joos want to teach the goys how NOT to be jooed.