HUHWHYTE FEVER, HUHWHYTE FEVER, WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT

dec 22

what is SO IMPORTANT to you means NOTHING to them.

you feel close to them because you text them every day and they respond. big fookin deal. they spend all day texting 900000000000000 guys a day every day. nothing special there.

so you fooked them and now youre getting feelings and want to spend moar time with them. nothing special there, she’s fooked 90000000 guys and it means nothing, its just fooking, just secs.

so youve known her for years and you think thats special, big deal, she’s known a LOT of people for years, you’re nothing special.

but yeah. she was the ONLY person I texted almost every day. i had no desire to text anyone else every day. now i didnt text her 90000000 times a day, but just a couple times a day, and took some days off if i felt she was getting overwhelmed. and 90% of the time, she responded to me like she WASNT getting irritated or overwhelmed. So we continued texting on 80% of days. and that meant something to me because i didnt do that with ANYONE else. And I havent done that with anyone else since things ended with her.

so for you, the texting every day relationship might feel special, but for them, its no big deal, its something they can just throw away.

saw a 45 to 50 year old woman in the office next to mine and i was like hmmm damn look what she’s wearing, she has got quite the body on her for an older woman. i think i would definitely enjoy banging her hahahaha. stalk her briefly on the internet and find she is 51 years old. thats a first hahahaha. well, she looks very good for that age! seriously!

no, i dont have a THING for “MILFS.” shit yes i do prefer younger women to older women. but its just rare that you see an older woman with a good body. most women become fat and or blown out in general hehehehe.

but yeah. i just hate how every experience with a woman that was so important and meaningful to ME, was not important at all to them. everything is casual. casual secs, casual rels, casual lives, casual deaths, casual murder, casual people, casual friends, casual family, casual lovers, casual husbandos, casual children. doesnt anything mean anything to them? yep the big tuff alpha negatives they fall in luv with and would sell out their family and children for.

that feel when you jerk off thinking about banging a 50 year old woman. feels weird man hahahahaha.

hey this is probably the best way you can have purely recreational, casual secs, by banging a woman who is not fertile.

sheeeeit. i find that my writing is not as good as I want it to be. I think its mainly a matter of just being rusty, because i dont write Business Communications every day, well, i hadn’t been. so switching to the intentionally shitty writing i do every day here, well, intentionally lazy low effort I should say, to the high effort, concise, smart sounding writing I have to do when writing emails to people with masters degrees and phd’s, i mean thats a challenge. which i should not give up on.

for example the email I was suggested to write to some software users 2 weeks ago, eventually made it to the CIO, phd of the organization, as he recommends a pilot program for some staff. so the new guy with really rusty writing is trying to craft an email to experienced people, and it eventually gets to a phd who has been in a highass higher up position for 10 years. who has the power to tell my manager, himself an accomplished, educated, impressive professional, wtf were you thinking hiring this idiot who cant even write a coherent sentence. does he have emotional problems? was he out of a job for 15 months or some shit? is he a 35 year old neet virgin? he sure writes like one! hahahahaha.

see, another RAFT of DISTORTIONS. illogical thinking. i think people can TELL shit about me, when they really CANT. i think they are sitting here putting me under a microscope and judging me, when tbh they dont have the TIME.

well, some of them DO have the TIME. but they’d rather be flirting understandably, with the hawt milf admin assistants hahahahaha and banging a 45 year old womans tits in the storage closet hahahahahahhahahaha. maybe looking at webcam gurls from their work computerz hahahaha.

no the people in my org are on average really good people. i’ve been AMAZED at all the nice, decent, good, friendly, outgoing, genuinely good, non-sneaky people i’ve met here. the place seems to attract good people. big part of why i would luv a FT Career Job there.

even the higher ups are nice. maybe they do sleazy things in their office but they are nice to me and thats all i really care about when i am on the job. i mean i am just trying to survive one day at a time hahahaha. not that that is NEARLY as hard and grueling as it was at muh previous job. i mean theres an actual risk of me sitting there BORED with NOTHING TO DO. I cant even COMPREHEND this. that gives me a new sense of weirdness and anxiety. but its much much much better than the anxiety of answering phones all day and oh god i dont know what to do or what to say or how im gonna get out of this mess!!!! and muh relship with one of muh closest friends is going down in flames and shes sitting right there handling this shit just fine and not talking to me!

so yeah i will take care not to fall in luv with any of the women at muh new job hehehehe. probably should try not to bang the 50 year old woman in the supply closet hahahahahaha. but shit. you cant fall in LUV with a 50 year old woman, i dont care WHO you are.

but yeah like i say, i already have years of experience in this org, its a large 600+ employee org and i guess the culture is just really good, i like it, wouldnt LUV getting a FT career here until I am 65 hahahaha. i have worked in 2 departments here and interacted with people from even more departments and they are always nice and friendly and good decent good faith people. all the managers and supervisors have been decent non-scamming, straight shooting, respectable, accountable people. i appreciate that.

i never should have left 3 years ago. i got along with That Woman so well, we started talking naturally about jobs, she found a place that was hiring a bunch of people, we both got in, over the long term she toughed it out, and i gave up hehehehe. no i dont BLAME her for getting me that job…..im just saying if i never met her, i never would have gotten the job, and i never would have left the job i didnt really want to leave. but i NEEDED to leave it. at the time i felt it was a sign from GOD that he put my lovely friend in my life to help me break out of my Comfort Zone. hehehehehe.

so yeah i dont BLAME her for any of that. but i do regret taking that job and i do regret meeting her. but i dont hate her or blame her. just saying she was a net negative for me hahahaha. great highs but even greater lows. it was just a sad sad sad situation and i really didnt need that. but it wasnt her FAULT. she didnt do it intentionally. it was just a perfect shitstorm. when you are a lonely old man and you get along so well with a Lovely Young Woman. its a greek tragedy waiting to happen. and boy did it ever. holy shit. i did not respond to that challenge well.

so i work with nothing but very educated, very nice, very experienced, very professional people. its RIDICULOUS. these degrees these people have, I dont even know what they are. EdS degree. good lord. like this woman who essentially works next to me all day. when i think about her career and education and accomplishments I get damn INTIMIDATED!  yeah i talk mad shit about career women with their masters degrees, but this woman is honestly SMART AF! not like the chattering “flibbertigibbets” uncle bern talks about where he rightfully wonders, how do these idiots have graduate degrees. not so with the people i work with. like this WOMAN. I am kinda glad to meet a WOMAN like this. it proves to me on a daily basis that women actually CAN be smart and mature and reasonable and rational and logical and smart.

anyway i didnt want to pry but i gently got her talking about her family, because i am always interested in peoples personal lives, unlike uncle bern hahahaha. i will gossip about people’s families and wives and children all day. so turns out her daughter, who is probably 8 to 10 years younger than me, is making over 70 grand a year in a very in-demand field. she will never have a problem finding a very good paying job anywhere in the world. she went to a very selective, very well regarded university, albeit a very expensive private one, i guess taking on a decent amount of debt because this is prob the most expensive college in the state. but her gamble paid off because now she is making 70k a year at age 23, 24, 25. real high achiever. started a competitive, accelerated masters degree program within weeks of graduating undergrad. had masters degree less than a year later. had job offers before finishing that. was making fooktons more money at age 22,23 than i ever will in my whole life……and i went to a selective, competitive undergrad univ too! I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and she got married around the age of 25 too! not riding the cok carousel too much despite being a very successful very young career woman!

so i said wow, good for her, she played her cards very well, you should be proud of her. i didn’t harp on how i was such a loser who could have been a contender. i tried to sound intelligent talking about colleges and grad schools and companies and industries and trends hehehehe. tried to talk like somebody who coulda been a grad school contender.

i mean i HATE grad school but the way this womans daughter did it, i am in favor of that: in demand fields, competitive programs, etc. exactly the type of shit I could never get into….but could have i hadn’t royally screwed up by being a fookin basket case in Uni. Peaked in high school, crashed and burned in Uni. This is what happens folks. but if you don’t crash, you can KEEP peaking past uni, past grad school, and peak in your damn 40s or 50s when you move from being a damn executive, to starting your own company and being the CEO President and hiring people from harvard to be your executives. which is the path this young woman is on. which i could have been on.

but, right now, I just dont want what I can get. and with good reason IMHO. paying 50 grand for a shit tier MBA-like degree that has a 50% chance of getting a 40k a year job……or if you are an underachiever without great social skills or high confidence or high energy or a great attitude or a great work ethic………. it wont get you anything.

and i see whcih of those groups i fall into and im like FOOK THIS SHIT, this is a losing bet for me, 50 grand saved is 50 grand earned, especially then the bet isnt gonna bring anything back for me over the long term.

so if i can make as much money without a masters degree as with one, then i might as well start trying to make that money right. hehehehe. and that has been a struggle of course. to make more than high school graduate money hehehe.

shit i mean if the people i work with NOW, PUSHED me to do a masters degree, they might be able to convince me. i mean i’m not ruling it out entirely. i never have. i am just skeptical as FOOK. you have to make a REALLY good argument to me. and really ive never been in the position to have people make that argument to me, until NOW.

theres this one woman at the new job who is super duper ridiculously nice to me……and that is exactly the type of thing i should try to take advantage of. she may want the D hahahaha. she is like 55 years old and not really a bangable 55 hahahaha, but she is not obese and not really ugly, and I KNOW she was prob a solid 8/10 when she was 25 hahahahahahaha.  anyway yeah i should get HER to write me a letter of recommendation, get HER to be a reference, buy HER lunches and dinners, anyway she says I am VERY SMART and she’s got a masters degree from a Good, Well-Known School hehehehe. which i will not name because doxing. but people have HEARD of this school.

so yeah when someone with a masterz degree from stanford says I Am Very Smart, I Blush with Pride hahahaha, i dont even care if they have a Schoolgirl Crush on me. I will TAKE that compliment hahaha. no they didn’t go to STANFORD, the place was a little worse than that hahahaha.

I SWEAR IM NOT AN IDIOT……..OR AM I??????? hehehehe. The way to muh heart is to reassure me that I am SMART. cuz I HATE feeling like a 101 IQ moron.

anyway she has a daughter who is probably a successful professional as well. who is probably AROUND my age, maybe a little younger hahahaha. working with people who have children who are a little younger than you, and WAY more successful than you, hahahaha. weird feel man.

i mean yeah at this point i will TAKE peoples patronizing pity. its better than NOTHING hahahahahahahaha.

and they are really not too patronizing or pitiful about it, they seem genuinely NICE! and i appreciate niceness. I try to BE that nice.

i just dont want to be too LAZY and too AFRAID to take action to pay it forward, like to buy people lunch and be outgoing and giving and talk to people. because this is a great OPPORTUNITY and i dont want to BLOW it. i have a habit of BLOWING OPPORTUNITIES. and giving up when the going gets tough. and here the going wont be getting too tough thank GOD.

and sometimes it seems UNFAIR that really this job is SO EASY and so low stress, while there are people out there getting fookin thrown the wolves. so i gotta approach that by being thankful and by paying it back/forward/whatever, by being a Really Nice Guy and SHOWING that to people, and not being too AFRAID to actually do that. bring in fookin donuts every day. do favors for people. buy fookin top shelf coffee and keurigs. buy gifts for people.

dec 23

this fookin guy just followed me on youtube who says he is alt left, and his ideal is white male asian female pairings. i guess he’s a white guy who believes the perfect race should be bred by white men with asian women. and he is NOT joking. WOW. I mean WMAF specifically grinds muh gears, I am VERY anti-yellow-fever. I only have HUHWHYTE FEVER. song parody of bee gees song hahahaha.

he has paired up with robert stark who i used to listen to regularly in 2012, 2013, then he disappeared, then he came back. he was never blatantly alt right but also had really interesting guests and is truly a Fair and Balanced journalist. he has WNs and Alt Right people on and doesnt judge them and i think he is probably redpilled on JQ. but i want him to have more of a personal opinion hehehe. he also sorta nnnnnnnoticed me sempai on my previous blog, so that HAD to be around 2012 or 13 at the latest. i mean he’s been around for a while and does quality work. but his new cohost is this weirdass asian lover, and i dont like that hahahaha. its not even strictly degenerate, its fookin WEIRD and disturbing and IMHO, Race Treason. but i will forgive a guy if he repents!

day before xmas eve. went to supermarket and it was the most packed i had ever seen it. had to buy some containers or boxes to wrap small presents in. also wanted to buy some fancy coffee to reward myself hahahaha. bought some sumatra organic coffee. i buy organic coffee to treat muhself. it is pretty good. not sure if as overwhelminingly good as I hoped, but its good.

last night felt the urge to crack open “THE CULTURE OF CRITIQUE” by stefan molyneux HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and give it another try. it is a ridiculously dense book and honestly kind of dry unfortunately. its not a ripping page turner like you would want. there really should be a CoC for Dummies. i mean it takes a lot of effort and agency to read 1 page even. but its an IMPORTANT book, everyone should have a copy, and you should buy 20 copies for xmas and give it to your friends and family. should be required reading in all schools. you dont need to read it all at once. just have it in your house so when you want to read it, its there for you. buy copies to give to all the area libraries.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/muh-top-tier-topkek-poasts/

added this new link to sidebar, decided I needed to have a page of all my better poasts, the top 5% or so. that when i go back and reread it i say, yep, thats one of the better ones. this is where i will collect them. is was yesterdays post that was a good one and made me say, hmm, i have to start organizing these for the readers hehehehe. or at least for myself hahaahaha.

went to social game yesterday and the suburban tavern was PACKED with more young qt gurls than i have seen in years. i think it was The Middle Class Gurls are Home From College for the Holidays. see, some of the cutest gurls Go Away to College and start riding the cock carousel, and i never see them, because they are segregated away in the college towns, and i def do not live in a college town! i used to when i went to college in a college town, and i can ASSURE you, there was a RIDICULOUS number of qt young gurls there, because they are taken OUT OF the Real World and put in these damn colleges to be sluts, and that is DEPLORABLE. They SHOULD be in the Real World. because these are REAL WOMEN, and it also PROVES the feminists and marxists are jooish liars when they say men have unrealistic standards of beauty for women. BELIEVE ME. there was like 10 girls in this tavern who surpassed unrealistic standards for female beauty then. i mean an 8/10 qualifies as Drop Dead Gorgeous. I mean these women are SO ATTRACTIVE i don’t even really WANT them. I just laugh and say, no im not missing out on anything, those women are SO above my league I know I dont even have a chance. And I am not bitter or butthurt about it. but i am kinda butthurt about not seizing the opportunity when I was that age and going to college in a college town FILLLLLLLLLLLED with young BEAUTIFUL girls!!!! hell NO i never even STARTED getting it out of muh system!

i am actually MORE interested in the young women who Arent Perfect Beauties, who have something Off about them. That Woman would be a good example. Compared to these Topkek Beauties, she was more of an Ugly Duckling, but that was MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH for me.

but yeah. you want to see “unattainable” beauty? just go to any large college town and look at all those beautiful 18-21 year old girls! you will find THOUSANDS of them in every state in the union! it’s not a hollywood and new york only thing! you will find THOUSANDS of them at University of KANSAS!!!!!!!!! I DARE you to even TRY to prove me wrong.

and this is mother nature making even AVERAGE women ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS at this time in their lives. 18-21. so they can pull a great man and start having many healthy children with him. instead they go to college to ride the cock carousel, get indoctrinated, and prepare for a life of career worship, cats, and moar cock carousel. DEPLORABLE.

basically there are SHITLOADS of BEAUTIFUL young women out there, which actually makes me optimistic, in that if ANY of these women were hanging out with me, showing interest in me, and being loyal to me, and wanted to be muh gf basically, i would FORGET THAT WOMAN EVER EXISTED. there are MANY women out there who could REPLACE and ERASE her PERMANENTLY and make me forget I ever knew her. that are BETTER than her in EVERY way. there are TONS of possible women in Suburban Trvmp Country USA who would wipe the floor with That Woman.

Just go to a Tavern in a Middle Class Whitish Neighborhood on Xmas Break.

and before you had Jooniversities, these women would just be remaining in their hometowns where they belong instead of being physically removed, turned into sluts, then moving to cities to be even bigger sluts.

of course, i mean these girls were SO qt that i wouldnt CARE if they had been with 20 guys by age 20. well, i WOULD care if I were trying to Date Them. and after banging them, i would inevitably want to date them, and they would inevitably dump me.

just go to a large uni for engineering, do your first 2 years (or more!) at community college, then when you first arrive on campus as a 20 year old junior, go to parties and social events, don’t drink, and try to pick up innocent looking 18 year old freshman gurls. there are still plenty of VIRGIN GURLS out there. find an 18 year old virgin and she will luv you because you are her FURST, and then marry her and give her many children, make lots of money in your stem career, give it to your beautiful large huhwhyte family, and live happily ever after. LITERALLY. and your wife will always luv you and be loyal, because you are her FURST, ideally she would be your FURST too, and she’s DEFINITELY not gonna leave you if you are successful and make good money. live happily ever after. the end. and then your many huhwhyte children grow up to be successful and have large huhwhyte families like you did. can you even IMAGINE a more beautiful thing?

and people actually DO this! this isnt an unrealistic, unreasonable goal like becoming president or becoming a pro sportsball aflete or becoming a rapper.

heh. THAT WOMAN was an 18 or 19 year old virgin when she committed to her original boifran. she was loyal to him and worked to improve the rel when it got rough. she didnt bail out or throw him away. heh. of course then i wished I could have been her First Luv and have her show that loyalty and effort and hard work and luv and commitment and devotion to ME. and kinda jelly of that guy. what a PRIVILEGE to have an 18 year old virgin gurl LUV you and be COMMITTED to you. many of us will never know that feel hehehehehe. the best you will get is some MERCENARY who gives you her body for a MINUTE and you NEVER FORGET IT and she forgets you after a minute. cuz it means nothing to her, and means a lot to you. ya omega neet virgin hehehehe.

good morning huhwhyte america with adam and mary is now taking bitcoin dnations hehehe. shut up and take muh money.jpg hhahahahahaha. they are wholesome and comfy AF. and assholes like varg and sinead would give them shit for being CHRISTCUCKS hahahahahaha. uh oh, then they are jooish shills by definition hahahaha.

 

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BABOON BRAINFRAME

dec 18

finished chapin book. if i weren’t already a LIFELONG FAN, it probably wouldnt convince me of anything, i wouldnt like the book, i mean it was a pretty flawed book with its kinda rough writing style, missing important points, or maybe that was just him leaving the reader wanting more. i mean if he wants to self publish short books every year, ill damn buy them! MGHOW was worth it for telling personal stories which he never used to tell in his videos (when i used to watch ALL his videos at least.) dirty degen details of his secs life, the women he dated.

now, i want to know more about his ex WIFE. in this book he also talked for about 1 page about going to grad skool and becoming a Skool Psychologist. I would like a whole chapter or book on that.

he mentions his mother was a clinical psych for 30 years and had a practice where she largely had Neurotic Career Women as clients. His Mother Knows Women.

This is HUGELY interesting and Uncle Bern should write a book on women with his MOTHER. He needs to talk about his Based Mother a lot more and how she helped him understand women.

maybe involve his mother or sister in his videos or books. especially the mother. i know she is still alive and he talks to her regularly. She sounds like a Red Pilled Woman who Bern actually respects and with good reason.

i am considering writing a review on the amazon page. i know Bern really appreciates that. i might identify the review with muh alt right username. which I am NOT using on this page because even though this page talks about alt right a lot……..i still dont want to come out to the alt right as saying i am the alt right NEET OMEGA LOSER who writes the alt right neet omega loser blog whining about women and being a neet loser.

i mean haters could probably put two and two together, but i dont want to give it to them on a silver platter! i mean they could definitely do it.no doubt. im talking about my alt right nonneet username being connected with my alt right neet username here. never does muh real life identity being doxxed enter in. of COURSHE i have opsec of the utmost priority on that.

going to go for powerwalk at 1pm today. sunday. sunny but cold. need to use boots hehehe.

made 5 ovenburgers on today sunday. put them into little baggies with cheese and buns and put them in freezer. good 2 go.

did 1 load of laundry. medium sized. shirts and pants for job. done.

yesterday did 1 load of laundry too. drawz and socks and hats and gloves and dark stuff.

previous day did 1 medium load of laundry, all white t shirts only.

yesterday made 20 cigarets. trying to do that every saturday night. make 20 cigarets even if i only smoke 10 during the week. then put the 10 into a separate bag. i like having a big bag o cigarets in case i run out of pre rolleds.

also smokin 10 cigarets a week is not bad.

Bone Zone SHUT DOWN from youtube! i knew it would happen but that was less than 1 month. wow just wow.

I mean i always kinda liked ghoul, thought he was a little hard to listen to, but once he showed his handsome face i liked him 148800000000 times more. spent 25 bucks to buy his tshirt. he is a good goi, dindu nuffin.

1.4 mile powerwalk in snow. 20 degrees. not bad. i will go outside when its 20. not so much when it is 10. and it has been closer to 10 for a while.

took a benedryl at about 1:30pm to force myself to go to bed early tonight, get up.

emily youcis was a real degenerate, smokin MJ on camera, wearing incredibly skanky clothes on camera with her tits and ass hanging out, being a singer in a punk band. you KNOW she has done some degen shit during that time. drinkin, smokin, fookin the dirtiest randoms raw dog, taking it up the ass by guys she just met.

but i still accept her because when you come out as pro-white, using your real name, you are pretty much recanting your degen past, because everyone will turn against you. you will lose friends and fans. you will find out who your real friends and fans are.

i guess a similar thing could be said for evalion….but she didnt use her real name. well, her real FIRST name she did use. and then within 6 months her real last name was out there. but not sure what she is doing.

i would give evalion 1 dollar a month if she wasnt buddy buddy with sinead and they didnt call mill woes a degen phaggot. god damn. MILO is a degen phaggot. or prob jack donovan. but mill woes has repented for his gay past! and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume this gay past is very very minimal. like evalion or sinead never did degenerate shit. they did more degen shit than MW. pot and the fookin kettle here. i am willing to forgive both women, but they make that hard to do when they attack one of my favorite guys. these people usu are the same who hate andrew anglin and TRS and spencer too. its so stupid. they were the ones who started this stupid infighting. and they are usually k1ke on a stick christian haters too. hmmmmm. also are purity spiral as fook. i dont like that varg seems to be closer to these guys. but we are a bunch of degen, k1ke enablers, phag enablers, degen, milo luvers.

heh. i wonder which side emily will gravitate towards. the dramatic women side, or the less dramatic phag joo shill side hahaha.

i dunno. i just think that a guy who had one gay experience, says ok, got it out of my system, i dont like that, is less degen than a woman who has 6 gorillion casual straight experiences!

like casual degen gay sex just seems more honest and transparent about its degeneracy, ie, there’s absolutely no other reason to have this except for degen gay hedonistic pleasure. there is no way this could ever create new life. it was never even on the table. you don’t have to take steps to prevent it. it just cant happen.

so yeah its inherently perverted….but i think equally perverted is using Birth Control so much and having So Much Recreational Sex, that you FORGET that this is the process that creates life!

dec 19

heh. spent hours at home doing a job related project because i was slightly ashamed about not finishing it by the time i left. dont want to disappoint the team. so i finished it at home. i dont want to do this every single day but i did really want to finish this before tomorrow morning. and i did. i mean i had to Streamline My Process because I had never done any of this before so it was slow going. at least now i could do it faster if needed. and i made some super in depth documentation. they might not appreciate all the details. too much they’ll say! well ok i’ll scale it back in the future. had a very relaxed stress free day today, including a 2 hour meeting that was more like a training class. didnt need to impress anyone or explain shit or sell shit. but i got more actual work done at home than i did while i was there.

office holiday lunch tomorrow, i was going to use today to prepare my witty banter, and failed to do that!

was so cold today could not do more than a 15 minute powerwalk.

still kind of sound like an autistic, spaghetti pockets moron when i talk to people, even just small talk! so frustrating.

I mean I try to be nice, I think they can see that i am trying to be nice and friendly and open and polite, but i am just a little socially awkward hehehe. i mean come on there are a few slightly awkward introverts in the office in addition to me!

dec 20

holiday lunch today. spent all yesterday finishing this “project” draft rather than preparing witty, charismatic banter to impress all 15 people in the department. ran a little late from office to restaurant. apologized profusely. only spot was sitting right next to My Direct Manager. he is a really good guy and I am grateful I can say that and it’s the truth. the majority of people don’t have a manager like that. I could TOTALLY get a Good Recommendation from this guy IF I do a good job AND I Just Darn Talk To Him!!!!! He is always in a good mood and laughing at his own jokes. I kind of like this. not in an arrogant way but more like he is genuinely a Jolly Man. He has more than a Semi Charmed Life and he KNOWS it and he is thankful for it. he has a great Career, he’s highly educated and working in a field he enjoys, working on a PhD in his field, from a good school, has a not-ugly wife and more than 2 young children. and good people skills, gets along with everybody, makes everybody feel comfortable. also he is tall and fairly handsome. but pretty down to earth and not arrogant. but not underconfident either.

yes i stalked his wife on linkedin and google. yes uncle bernard, i have NO BOUNDARIES hahahaha. (uncle bern is appalled that All Women have No Boundaries and are always GOOGLING people, he finds that crazy and rude. I see where he’s coming from….but dont you want to know about the people you work with? of course bern, or any normie would say……….JUST TALK TO THEM ABOUT IT.

I mean yeah I DO, I just use the online stuff to supplement and jog memory. To add to my notes. I can’t remember were so and so went to college, did they go to x y or z, i forgot what he said his wife does, how old his kids are, etc.

i felt a little bad because i was nervous and not contributing to the conversation like a normie. not very charismatic, not very witty. this is the downside from having a Rough Three Years. you don’t have anything interesting or positive to say.

or, in general, stories about yourself and your life. you dont have anything you can talk about but all your years of failure and rejection and giving up hahahaha. and you know you shouldnt talk about that! so what DO you talk about? your interests in Huhwhyte Nationalism, Alt Right, black metal? these are professionals with masters degrees making over 50k a year who go to ANTI-TRUMP protests and pro-hillary protests! and they’re gonna listen to the new, underachieving new guy on how their whole Weltanschauung is wrong? sheeeit. im the one making 13k a year, with no wife or kids, they’re making 50k a year and have a house, wife/husbando, and kids who are going to college and will prob be successful too, unless they fook up in college like I did!

so thoughts like this make it difficult to make small talk in big groups at lunch hahahaha.

i mean no ones asked me why i didnt get a masters degree, and if they do, i’ll once bitten twice shy, i wanted to get more working experience first, so i could determine what is the best masters degree to get. i just want to become competitive and work really any of a range of possible jobs. i like counseling but i honestly dont think it would be useful for me to get a masters degree in counseling. because i want to help white neet men and white marriages. not be a social worker to black thugs. i can’t TELL people that though!

i mean its similar to how people who want to become teachers have to start out their first few years in shitty black schools. people who want to become cops have to start out first few years in shitty black cities. its called PAYING YOUR DUES, its NORMAL.

so why aren’t more normies red-pilled on race then?

because they’re DOUBLING DOWN.

the teachers much moreso than the cops, hahahahaha.

every day children are taught to hate? klan families with kids wearing trump shirts. come on. there are about ten people tops in the klan in the US, and they don’t really HATE negros. They just want an end to forced diversity and forced anti-whitism. they want to be around other whites and have their children mate with other whites and not to live in dangerous nonwhite shitholes. they want a strong, safe community. they dont HATE anybody. they just dont want their white daughters having brown babies. stupid a&e commerican for “generation kkk.” really trying to hit people in the feels.

there’s like 5 people in the KKK in 2017 hahahahaha. COME ON.

do a show about the alt right. well, then they would spin it the same way their spinning spencer. a big part of the alt right hehehehe. but like in the atlantic piece, spencer looked pretty GOOD. I could see that actually REACHING one undecided person.

tok benedryl today at around 2:30 pm. got a sleeping mask as well. try that out. also got a tape measure for body to get exact measurements. waist: about 34 inches. chest: about 39. leg: ideally, 27 or 28. total manlet hahaha.

got any 33 27 pants hahahaha

but yeah i like having this. just so i know what muh actual body actually IS. of COURSE clothes makers are WILDLY inconsistent with their measurements. i need to know where to START though. 32? 33? 34?

dec 21

http://www.theblaze.com/news/2016/12/20/white-guys-offered-new-years-resolutions-from-ultra-liberal-mtv-news/

mtv new years resolutions for white guys, getting some coverage right nao

http://dailycaller.com/2016/12/19/mtv-offers-up-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-video/

http://www.vdare.com/posts/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-a-response

white racist site vdare actually high in the news results hahahaha

http://www.breitbart.com/big-hollywood/2016/12/19/mtvs-new-years-resolutions-for-white-guys-stop-mansplaining-stop-saying-woke-blue-lives-matter-isnt-a-thing/

wow, would ya get a load of the khazar milkers on that

dec 21

went to lunch with old colleague i had not seen in a long time. the person who is very nice and kind to me. acts as a reference for me. mutually knows both me and…….That Woman. we actually had a very good and animated talk, no autistic silent moments, like no time had passed, and, i was kinda pleasantly surprised, we did not talk about That Woman at all. our colleague somewhat likes the gossip. i kinda expected them to say SO……whatever happened between you and that woman? and i was fully prepared to take the high road, but still be honest, and say yeah that really really sucked for me, i was really upset for a long time, it’s still sad, it’s just SAD, i was stupid but she was stupid too, i was so disappointed, i wish she tried a little harder to Euthanize Our Rel With Dignity, but oh well, life goes on, i understand why she did what she did, she’s still a good person, I wish her well, I forgive her, I’m not mad at her, I’m getting over it.

but didnt even have to say any of that.

of course at the same time i secretly hope the mutual friend will contact That Woman and say guess who I saw, he’s doing well, he got a new job, come on you should have been a little nicer to him. heh. and then i would totally Accept her. even though she’s older, probably fooked 20 badbois in the past 1.5 years, maybe had a baby, maybe had some abortions, maybe got more experience in being a horrible person and casual secs and throwing people away and acting like a baby. AND being more successful at me in job. being TOUGH. saying fook you we cant help you, i am the manager and i’m saying GOODBYE, we dont have the TIME to fix your unreasonable demands, it’s not WORTH IT to us.

that she was able to TOUGH IT OUT through tough personal times, and tough job times, and just ignore me like I was nothing, and tough it out on a job I was struggling so much with, and tough it out for SO much longer, AND bounce back from a layoff super quickly, into another high stress job where you have to be tough, but you probably get paid a slightly above average (avg being 27k a year) wage as compensation. and i cant tough it out well enough as an average normie, to make an average wage.

totally SMITING me AND then going on to do WAY better at life. insult to injury hehehehe. and its not intentional. and intent does absolutely matter. it was just extremely painful………………………..for me. hehehehehe.

i just hate doing the wrong thing. i hate thinking i might do the same wrong thing in the future. make the same mistake again because i will be a COWARD again. its not that i didnt know what I should do, what I should have done was obvious even at that time! I just didnt have the courage to say it. so my mistake was not having enough courage. not acting with courage in a timely manner.

is that really such a god damn CRIME? i think other people would have been more forgiving of that. it was just a fookin PERFECT STORM, a perfect shitstorm. worst possible thing at the worst possible time.

fooking peloton commerical. i want to bang the rich skinny mom. i want to bang the tuff gurl robin the peloton instructor. i am not going to go easy on HER hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  but my main concern is, what is this womans CAREER to be living in that HOUSE??????? clearly ivy league graduate degree, near-c-level management in a fortune 10 company hehehehe. all those women like to work 100 hours a week then exercise 50 hours a week because they know they still need to have a perfect body hahahaha. then they neglect their family and their kids grow up to be school shooter neet virgin druggie burnouts hahahahahahaha. at least they can afford their drugs with their mommys money. careerbux hahahaha. fooking peloton. fook peloton. stupid word. stupid shitbike. fook it.

hehehe the colleague gave me a nice pastry/cake/sweets and i ate a chunk of it and it turned out to have like 450 calories in it hehehehehe. oyyyyyy veyyyyyyyy. they are the kind of nice person who always brings in treats and snacks and donuts and sweets and buys people lunch. my god. that is how i became acquainted with her, because she was always NICE to me, and I really do appreciate that kind of stuff.

heh. that was how i became friends with That Woman too, who was nice in a similar way. damn i miss that. yeah its NO SURPRISE at all that i got feelings for her. a pretty young gurl being VERY NICE TO YOU. the only thing that’s SURPRISING was that I didnt fall in luv with her SOONER! but that was HOW MUCH I respected peoples relationships, that i had NO desire to interfere or fook up her relship, that I didn’t let myself get feelings for a Taken Woman. but once she was not taken, and i let myself get the feels, the HORSE WAS OUT OF THE BARN and it wasnt ever gonna go back in. HOW IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? it isn’t. i dont think any reasonable adult would find that hard to understand. sheeeeit, even SHE probably UNDERSTOOD it. she just didnt want to face a tuff situation in order to do me one last favor. just back out and do the irish goodbye hahahahaha.

whats funny is that i have done the irish goodbye many a time when I was a drinker. but that was different. I was just leaving social events quietly, not Terminating entire relationships!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

i just like the term irish goodbye hahahaha.

also you just CANT pull an irish goodbye on a real relship of 2.7 years. thats not what it is, thats not how it works. it’s just sneaking out of a large-ish PARTY when you are too drunk, tired, or awkward to say goodbye in a POLITE manner like a NORMIE. its super MINOR. Abandoning a relship needs a different term altogether. How about “abandonment” or “abandoning a relship.”

which is what i thought “ghosting” was. but thats a stupid word too and i think it works better with the minor semi faux pas of an irish goodbye!

so yeah. 90% of the time i did it, i was falling down drunk, shouldnt have been even LOOKING at a car, and probably didnt want anyone to try to stop me from driving. YIKES. glad those days are GONE. at least i became a better person than THAT.

maybe i was blazed af on MJ? thats a little better.

was listening to this middle class man tell his story, i guess he would be one of our “customers” or “clients” so I tried to help him for 2 minutes and practice my bullshitting on a system i knew even less than he did, and he was so gracious and nice, and was like you guys have such patience to work with people like me, and i was like hey just doin our job, thats what were here for, glad to do it, i’m just glad you dont have an emergency right now and youre screaming at me to fix it, and I don’t have a goddamn EXPERT in the next room who is basically twiddling his thumbs waiting for something to do! and then I grab him he helps you and I watch and learn along with you.

the “client”/internal customer might be one of the 15% who dont have a masters degree, but he has plenty of Industry Experience in a Bigass Fortune 10 company. kinda autistic but just really really nice. I appreciate that.

he talked about his son and daughter. he convinced his son not to go away to college. he sat him down and showed him spreadsheets and convincing calculations that the son could save at LEAST 50 grand by living at home and going to the cheapo college. that the College Experience wasnt WORTH 50 grand that you would struggle to pay back.

the kid listened. he lived at home, worked 60 hours a week in a Machine Shop, did associates at cheap college, then finished Engin Degree at local univ, all while living at home, working full time, doing many many classes online. now he is an engineer making damn good money with a wife and kid and dogs. about 148800000000000 times better than me.

like i bet he made more money at the machine shop than i am right now. and 60 hours a week. AND doing engin classes. the father said i would go by his room at 4 in the morning and be like WHACHA DOIN SON and the son was like i got an assignment due at 6 AM!

point is, kid had a great work ethic!

another guy tried to convince HIS son of the same thing, showed him the numbers, said here’s what you’ll have to pay back, taking a real unflinching longterm look at finances in other words, you can save a LOTTTTTT of money by going to cheap local college for 2 years, THEN you can transfer to finish your degree at State Univ. it doesnt say podunk redneck college on your diploma! and the kid fought him and say no i want to go to state univ right out of high school. well, at least this kid is going an engin major!

well at least he is probably getting some prime college poosay!!!!! 18 year old QTs! this is a party skool after all. All my life i will regret not being able to bang 18 year old 9/10’s like he is doing no. sheeeeeeeeeeeit thats WORTH 100 grand, isn’t it?

probably, because that instills you with confidence that will last you a LIFETIME, and then you will prob be successful in life, and MAKE 100 grand to pay those loans back, be a winner chad normie, have GFs and a wife and eventually children. because you banged some 18 yo QT’s while in college which gave you MASSIVE CONFIDENCE. BABOON BRAINFRAME.

OR, you could just get rejected, or just not even really try, and get super frustrated because you see 14880000000000000000000 perfect qt’s a day and you have never been with one. or if you have it was just for 2 days then the door was shut hehehehehe. and still pay the 100 grand and come out with no confidence, no skills, no charisma, no value add, no women, no charm, no grace, no game.

im glad im not in a univ town where i would see 60000000000000000000 18-25 yo qt’s all day erry day. i used to be. it was RIDICULOUS. it’s bad enough if i see a handful of Young Sluts when I go to the MALL twice a year. no thank you. TRIGGERED.

i know of a local skool where there are a good number of young qt’s. right out of high school. 18-20 years old. but half of em arent huhwhyte. this is triggering in a different way. but actually less painful I think! than seeing tons of young white women. that hits even harder on the lizard brain. but yeah race matters too. but i have some power in that. i feel empowered by contributing 10 dollars a month to pro-white people hehehehehe, empowered in a way i dont feel when dealing with young qt white wimmin. maybe if i gave THEM 10 dollars a month they would stroke muh ego. hang out with me and be nice to me and interested in me hahahahaha.

i might not be able to have white children of my own, and i see me donating money to Alt Right and Pro White as doing whatever I CAN do to help The Cause, The Movement, My People, My Race, the future of my people and our children, even if they are not MY children directly.

to be fair i am dnating 2 dollars to people that are NOT explicitly pro-white. they haven’t crossed the rubicon yet. but they are white conservatives hehehehehe. who are not anti white even implicitly. i would prefer that they be explicitly pro white. would get me to up muh donation hehehehe.

white conservatives get 12 dollars a year, pro white white conservatives get 20 dollars a year hehehehehe. upmost tier gets 25 a year. weev, andrew anglin, TRS, mill woes, fatherland.

well COULDNT i do MORE good by just donating MORE money to ONE source? save all muh donations for TRS? maybe that will push them over the edge into……what exactly. they are already on a good path.

i am even gonna give 5 dollars to foreveralone george feels.

lena dunham goes into the oven hahahahaha. you wish you had abortion. you WOULD. i’m more surprised by the fact that shes never HAD an abortion. i bet the lying jooish bitch is LYING. i bet she DID have abortions and is trying to portray herself as some innocent “normal” woman. close your legs you damn evil satanic wh0re. we dont need any more of your kind in this world. actually she prob SHOULD abort her evil SATAN SPAWN. but not even fox joos will tell you that shes jooish. NORMIES think shes WHITE. they think that fat pig amy schumer is white. this is how blue pilled normies are on the JQ. and why the JQ is such a bigass mindblowing game changing thing. it changes you hahahahaha.

and i am HAPPY that so many YOUNG people are hip to the JQ, even if semi-jokingly. hell yes you can have fun and make jokes with it. but i think they honestly GET IT too. its IMMENSELY powerful to have YOUNG people understand the JQ. I didnt get it until I was……i dunno at least 28 years old. I mean I was aware of joos and calling people k1k3s when i was 22, and knew j00s were scheming and greedy and evil back then……..but I didnt REALLY understand it. i wasnt even reading stormfront or vnn, and there wasnt any alt right or /pol for me to read. no pepes, no memes. no trs, no weev, no daily stormer, no /pol, no greg johnson, no richard spencer. what a sad world hahahaha.  im not even sure if there was reddit. the best thing we had was heartiste. who is honestly pretty GOOD. he is pretty good on the JQ. but was he back THEN? prob not as much.

i did get into greg johnson around 2012 though hahahaha. didnt i do my amazon timeline recently???!??!?!?? well i was reading and listening to greg and counter currents WELL before I bought his book.

2012: mindweapons, counter currents, and eradica did it for me. they converted me hahahaha. and david duke. THANK YOU hahaha. oh yeah i should donate to counter currents prob eh.

i dont expect ANY woman to understand this. I just want a woman who is instinctively REPULSED by being with any race other than a white man. I want a woman who has never BEEN with a nonwhite man, WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF IT without disgust. And I honestly think there are a goodly number of these women out there, they just wont tell it on the mountain in front of their friends for fear of being called you-know-what.

 

DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL

dec 17

when young women are mixed race, they very often appear exotic and attractive and are in high demand. mixed race men turn out like pathetic hapas like elliott rodger who feel totally isolated, atomized, rootless, deracinated, neither white nor asian (or whatever) or at the very least have huge racial identity problems that the mixed race women  dont have. they;re like yeah i’m white AND i’m asian, very easy, and I’m hot as hell! I own it! and there will be no shortage of Thirsty Beetas to confirm to her that she’s hot as hell.

So women, IMHO, take race more for granted, don’t see how much race matters, they think you can be two races and its not a problem. they think HOW CUTE their mixed race babies would be. OH ID LUV TO HAVE A MIXED RACE BABY. THEYRE ALL SO CUTE, AND WHITE IS SO BORING.

WRONG.

but yeah this is obviously very dangerous thinking that they dont even realize is dangerous, so they need a strong racially conscious man to put his foot down, snatch up the women before she’s fooked too many nonwhites, and tell her, THIS IS THE WAY IT IS. we’re gonna have white children and then you’ll see why this is SO goddamn important. and you’ll be SO GLAD you never fooked any nonwhites.

well hunny, actually, i was a little embarrassed to tell you before, i had a slut period in high school for a month where i fooked the whole basketball team. but that’s ok, i was just 16 and exploring muh sexuality.  but that’s ok. im not ashamed and i have no regrets. it was a lot of fun.  its part of who i am. i mean i married YOU didnt I? not THEM!

hahahahahaha.

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

had a dream with a young superqt woman i used to work with. she was super nice, got married young, still married, she occasionally appears in dreams. i think this clearly means that i would have liked to try Dating Her and that I possibly could have been Very Happy with her if we were Dating.  Yep not very doubtful on that.

in the dream she was hanging out with me, but the idea was, she was only hanging out with me because her First Choice was not there. She didn’t seem as nice and interested as she was in him. I was glad for the “chance” but she seemed distracted and not very interested. Then the next day her First Choice was back and she was all bubbly, nice, interested, and flirtatious with him, and I felt jelly and butthurt hahahahahaha.

yeah pretty straightforward interpretation here. it sucks to be an option. when you are a lower choice and they are your first choice. when you really like them, but they aren’t that interested in you. and then you see them get super interested in this other lucky guy. and then compare yourself to him. oh, he’s younger, taller, stronger, more confident, cooler, more popular, more smooth, more charismatic, funnier, more charming, more successful, more handsome, more interesting. more alpha, more masculine, tougher, more dominant. more winning. all that stuff.

anyway i never knew this qt young woman to be anything but very very nice and pleasant. always bubbly and smiling and laughing. i dont mind that. she was never bitchy to me. she smiled politely to me. now i never hung out with her and never became friends with her, because i knew from the beginning she had a BF, and i dont interfere with relships. let her dump him if she wants to fook other guys. well she didnt want to. she was a good girl hahaha. kinda like the good joo. they still have to go back. send them back to their homeland and all us huhwhyte men can live here and fook each other like women with gay satanist jack donovan as our leader hahaha. real alt right hahahaha.

heh. bernard. me and him have a similar view of women. i want to tell him, dont dislike women so much (nobody but crazy violent criminals really HATES women), you just got unlucky man, you met a lot of shitty women, i swear, some women are good, they arent ALL like that! and then i realize like bernard, i have been kinda unlucky too, lot of very disappointing women i’ve met, and given the shitty women bernard has experienced, i can’t BLAME him one bit for feeling very cold towards women. same with me! it all adds up! checks out! i gave them a chance! sure can’t say the same about them! they didnt give ME a chance!

hey i would LOVE to like women! just show me something worth liking!

well even now i am Reacting Emotionally. I’ve met plenty of women who had really really good moments. nobody is perfect. like that qt women from my dream was really really nice and likable. sheeeit even That Woman was insanely likable because she was so nice and pleasant and polite and nonobnoxious.

and just because i was hurt about being Thrown Away, now I think all women are monsters hahahaha.

she just got flustered and went into flight mode. i have done the SAME THING MANY a time. I get flustered about the littlest things. TERRIBLE at dealing with stress and pressure. just freeze, shut down, run away. how is this surprising? it’s not surpirsing AT ALL. so i kinda forgive her mostly, i totally udnerstand why….it just still hurt me greatly. still not over it. but def getting there thank GOD.

like if i were going out with the woman from my dream tonight and she were all into me, yeah that would be just fine.

but part of me still wants That Woman, and I would take her back if she came back to me.

Bernard tells stories of women that reappeared in his life 2 or 3 or 4 years later. and he was strong enough to say fook this shit, you didnt want to be with me the first time, you showed your true colors, how can i trust you, you havent changed, youve got worse, whats your scam, fook you no im not gonna give you another chance. this happened with at LEAST two women with him. so this shit DOES happen. and you know he was probably RIGHT to do that. these were crazy, untrustworthy, dumpster fire, horrible women. dodged a bullet.

so i think, well what if she started contacting me? i wouldnt be nearly so strong! i would say YES YES YASSSSSS! and be RIGHT back in full luv with her again. just like it was 2 years ago. i coul rekindle the shit REAL quick.

i mean who hates a person so much that you WANT them to be devastated when you dump them? I would never want that!!! I would do everything in my power to make sure they weren’t devastated!!!!!

not saying she WANTED me to be devastated. i’m referring to bernards women. they wanted HIM to be devastated, and they were mad when he wasn’t. that’s how shitty these women were. no wonder he doesnt like women hahahahaha. i am sorry for you uncle bern. you deserve so much better! and you get these fookin DUMPSTER FIRES. PSYCHO HOSE BEAST. cray cray. bipolar at best, more like damn BORDERLINE and sociopathic.

not all women are crazy evil sociopaths! not even most women. maybe. hehehehehe.

call in a favor from someone to do your dirty work for you hehehe. its not like you cant get people to do favors for you. get a thirsty omega orbiter to do it for you. i would totally take that. plus i would say, this bitch is ridiculous, i TOTALLY don’t want to be with someone like that. has an omega orbiter relay the message to me.

but yeah. one of muh biggest weaknesses in life is that i get FLUSTERED by very small things, and then dont think straight, and make stupid decisions, that have bad consequences, just because i can’t deal with stressful situations. get flustered so easy. and then act stupid. then people think im stupid. and that makes me REALLY MAD. but I would rather be mad than flustered or anxious. that is probably the worst feeling ever. just totally helpless like a child who wants their mommy to save them from the scary monster thats going to raep them, but then nobody ever comes, and the monster brutally raeps you and then you have to live with the shame of all that. its not like being K’d, that would in a way be better, cuz your suffering would END.

 

kinda think he uses a drum machine on the fuath album but it still sounds good. would prefer live drums OF COURSE. fairly compelling music, more sorrowful and cold than saor, which is not bad for a cold winter hehehe. also vocals are a lot more black metal than the weird napalm death style vocals of saor. which are not bad btw! but i just like they black metal style better. and the drum machine sounds tasteful…..but damn. i wish the guy could be as hardline against drum machines as I am.

kind of ironic that when I tried writing songs I used a Drum Machine hahahahahaha. but i wasn’t thrilled with the idea and knew I would rather have real drums. I would rather he attempted to play live drums himself even if he knows he is not the greatest drummer.

cuz yeah this music sounds immediately pretty enjoyable and it would be even better with a live drummer.

it would be funny if it actually WAS a live drummer. but i am so prejudiced i think everythings a MACHINE.

for the first burzum album varg had never played drums before. he just practiced for TWO DAYS before recording the album. and I luv the (amateurish) drum sound on that album. this andy marshall guy is a talented huhwhyte man just like varg. just play the damn drums like an amateur. its very endearing hahaha. did varg ever use a drum machine? did mikko A ever use a drum machine? come on. no one ever needs a drum machine for their one man black metal!

but this fuath….i could see myself enjoying it as much as i could possibly enjoy something with a drum machine!

yeah really clearly a machine on the fast bass drum bits. unfort.

but perfect album length at 41 minutes. its gotta be able to fit on ONE old school LP. which is lke 46 minutes tops IIRC.

GWW/Karen always had a pretty good impression on me, i mean she seems pretty solid, and even woman-disliker extraordinaire bernard should have a difficult time disliking her hahahaha. i think he would get along best with a woman like this, who pretty much thinks like a man, and seems kinda like a lesbian hahaha. this is the kind of woman bernard needs. he is a super logical not super emotional man, so he would fit best with a super logical, not super emotional woman, which karen seems to be!

i just think bernard would be a great father and its a shame that he only found crappy women. and their degeneracy rubbed off on him a little probably.

like the time where he was dating a woman with really nice legs but he didnt like her and wanted to be done with her, but he wasnt man enough to dump her, and then he ran into his ex gf, who was all hot to trot for him now, so then he banged the ex gf while he was still technically going out with his actual gf, thus making him a CHEATER! then he never responded to the hot to trot ex gf ever again because he just wanted to use her for secs one last time.

all in all pretty degenerate and negroish and i wish he condemned himself more for that particular degen incident.

the principled huhwhyte man would have dumped the bitchy gf, and never banged the crazy ex gf.

well, banging the ex gf is not as bad as technically cheating on your current gf. that is pretty disappointing. doesnt matter if they were on the outs. DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL. their shitty “morality” was started to rub off on him. NOT GOOD.

DONT SINK TO THEIR LEVEL.

i dont like to see moral people become generally more immoral.

i dont like to see good people go bad hahahaha.

not that that happened to bernard. in fact now i am thinking of that woman. did she really go bad though? i’ll never know. and would it make things BETTER if she did? why couldnt she have just had her MOM dump me for her hahahaha. and her mom could tell me, yeah she doesnt hate you, you were important to her, she just can’t deal with this situation, she is very sorry, but she doesnt share your feels, and im sorry, you must be really disappointed. you are a really good guy and would have been good for muh daughter. but this is what it is. ive talked to her and i can’t convince her to give you a chance. im sorry, this really sucks for you.

that would have been nice to hear hahahaha. dont even have to scrounge up 50 dollars to pay a shrink to give me the talk.

dont have 50 bucks? come on. how could a 25 year old woman not get 50 bucks. a thirsty omega would pay you 100 bucks just to HANG OUT with you and sniff your hair. 200 bucks if you smile at him and not act like an obnoxious bitch to him. for one hour of Friendly Hang Out Experience.

These Desperate Thirsty Omegas will pay Two Hundred Dollars for One Hour of Friendly Hangout Experience.

Sheeeeeeit i totally understand. I just might too. Thinking of all the Friendly Hangouts I had with That Woman before things got bad. and i didnt even pay her any money hahaha. i mean i bought 2 xmas presents and i bought her lunch and i bought her dinner i think. not that i think that entitles me to anything hahahahaha. well it entitles me to have her try to have her mom dump me for her hahahaha.

but yeah. have some dam respect for LIFE ITSELF. Human lives. the unborn, the men you date, the hearts you break, your damn self, the process that creates innocent new lives. have some damn respect for human life. this is what bothers me about women. aborting babies, throwing peopel away, breaking hearts, cheating, dumping, acting like sociopaths, enjoying being treated like meat, treating others as meat. this just seems DISGUSTING especially considering women are the MOTHERS of HUMAN LIFE.

ok now i am going off again. not all women are like that. NOT EVEN SHE was like that! she just did one cowardly thing, which wasn’t even surprising, now i’m making her, AND all women, out to be these satanic jooish monsters, which they are not, which even she is not! this is all in muh severely cognitively distorted head! im NOT THINKING CLEARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shit im NEVER thinking clearly! I havent thought clearly since 2013 when i took a math class and thought clearly some of the time for that course. it was calc 2 and was pretty hard but i got an A because I NOT AN IDIOT, I SWEAR.

there is a horribly horribly disgustingly shocking ugly side to women. bernards seen it, i’ve seen it. the trouble is thinking all women have that dark side. but everyone has a kinda dark side. but it just seems that women’s dark side are so much worse than my own hahaha. and mine is pretty damn bad: total failure to live up to potential, lazy, drinking problem in the past, degen MJ smoking, cowardly omega. its pretty bad but i think its better than a woman who has had abortions, or cheated on guys, or broken 10 hearts, or fooked 10 guys, or fooked a guy she just met. all that is ugly as shit. uglier than anything i’ve ever done! and i’ve done a ton of shit im not proud of! they do worse and aren’t even ashamed of it! so fook YEAH i have a problem with that! I SHOULD have a problem with that!

yep im doing it again! back on the escalator again hahahaha.

jeez i just wanna sm0ke MJ right now! want to have a hugeass bag of MJ that will last me for at least 3 months!

i mean when i see qt young women, i dont want to JUST fook them like a negro animal. I want to protect them and be loyal and romantic and a strong man for them, a real traditional white knight. but NOT for some skank who doesnt deserve it! just saying i dont view women as pieces of meat. like if i am in church and i see a beautiful young girl. the jooish, pornified, negro mindset says, oh i wanna fook her hard, imagine her on muh dick. no. i have thoughts that are appropriate for a decent white man to have regarding treating women with some respect for their role as the Mothers Of Life. however that doesnt mean i will white knight for a dirty skank. so if she shows herself to be a dirty skank, i am fooking done. (unless I have already made muh bet. sunk muh cost. made my investment.)

WOMEN ARE THE MOTHERS OF LIFE.

hehehehehe.

buying Winter Thermal Super Warm Freezing Cold Weather Socks was very smart move on my part. cant believe i never did. just go to walmart and buy the thickest socks you can, and are marketed as arctic cold or some shit. they truly do keep your feet warmer.

 

ALT RIGHT VVN 14VV JAYCUE

dec 14

hmmm been more busy with job related stuff that i thought. it is technically easy and almost enjoyable. but also want to impress people and show initiative and show that i am smart and prove myself and KICK ASS.

stayed up too late reading the new BERNARD CHAPIN book MAN GOING HIS OWN WAY

which according to amazon, IS supposed to be 8.5 x 11 inches big.

i mean its not perfect. he’s really not the greatest writer. and i have read BOTH his other books. he always has entertaining stories to tell and strong opinions to share, but i honestly see better WRITING from the posters on TRS or MPC. And Bern is a voracious reader and has a masterz degree, you’d think he’d write a little better. but alot of the stuff reads like a first draft.

NO MATTER. HE IS A GOOD MAN AND DESERVES YOUR SUPPORT.

Like his videos and him talking are a lot better, more engaging, than his writing. So when I read his writing, I always imagine him reading it in his style, which makes it seem better.

tons of juicy stories about his rels with women. and they are not flattering stories. tbh he comes across as an immature dick and thats why these women leave him hahahahahahahah. but they don’t really leave him, he leaves them! or he is such an asshole to them that he intentionally pushes them away! why didnt you just dump the gurl yourself Uncle B? well, he was only 19 or 20 years old so i can forgive him. Also i appreciate the honesty of him admitting to being a jealous monster. I know that feel bro hahahaha. but he was only a jealous monster once in his life, for one woman, for a few months, and then he stopped. never beat anybody up. never abused anybody. in fact he gradually lost interest in HER afterwards and she dumped him and he was HAPPY.

so yeah i cannot identify with ANY of that hahahahaha.

also if i’m reading this correctly, he has banged more women than years he’s been alive. or at least when he was 32, his number was positive. this is his “number” and i thought it was interesting. taken from hockey. forgot what its called. over under, positive negative, plus minus? basically number of gurls you banged minus your age, and hope you get a positive number, but when he was in his 20s, he had a negative number. like i would have over a -30 hahahaha. i thought it was an interesting metric hahahaha. good one bern.

Bern says matt forney was editor/proofreader, actually I think Forney is probably a better WRITER than Chapin, although a lamer GUY hahahaha. Forney is like if Chapin had never banged 30 women hahahaha. No I was reading Forney back when he was IN MALA FIDE. I am OLD FOOKIN SKOOL. I just am concerned that forney and chapin encourage each others worst habits, namely, mgtowism and not wanting a waifu hahaha. chapin has felt the innate spark within to have children so i give him credit for that, that’s what really matters. but he is dead set against a wife, and seems resigned to the fact he prob wont have children. that is too bad. i still want him to impregnate a 20 year old white gurl. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

and forney is a fat sad bastard who drinks too much and bangs nonwhite sluts. i cannot and will not approve.

but i wont crap on forney too much. he makes a living from writing and all that. i would just really like it if he got in shape and committed himself to hardcore, alt right, 1488, WN. submitted to TRS and let them mold him hahahaha.

anyway yeah the book could be better but it could be a lot worse. but i still had tons of questions:

what kind of effort did bernard make in these relships?

why did he just lose interest?

talk more about his relship with his father. his mother. his sister.

talk more about his career, graduate school. for a very very masculine man, he picked a very very feminine field!!! (psychology, school psychology.) but i don’t doubt his masculinity one bit either.

i just think he is honestly a SPERG who has some difficulty socializing. maybe. but yeah i will always feel SOME sort of connection to him because he helped me get where I am now, and I have spent countless hours listening to infernos. i mean he is a really entertaining, fun speaker.

did he ever have EXTREME DOUBTS about himself? bouts of TOTAL DESPAIR? I don’t really think so.

how did he prepare for Grad School? Were his Grad School papers better written than his books?

how is it THAT hard for him to get along with women?

talk more about male friends.

actually i think he DOES talk about SOME of this in “escape from gangsta island” which was a nice long book, I enjoyed that one too. just can’t remember the details.

Bernards a Good Boi Dindu Nuffin, would just like him to come fully over to the 1488 Alt Right and its pretty cringeworthy when he says that NSDAP/AH were total MARXISTS.  hmmmmmm. Marxist Leftists.

He talks about going on JDate in this book and he seems to be aware of J’ish identity. it was a hilarious story. his Alpha Male friend pretty much dared him to go on JDate in return for a cash loan when Bern was broke from going out with 10 women at the same time. Then he was going out with 14 women at the same time. he got so bored, berned out, frustrated, and annoyed, that he said FOOK THIS SHIT and basically RETIRED from women. Modern women are stupid, annoying, intolerable, unlikeable, I’d literally rather be alone. And he has been alone ever since hahahaha. he is definitely a very PRINCIPLED man hahaha. I just wish he had better luck with the women and met some damn DECENT women already. I think it was a mix of his stubbornness and terrible luck that did it. he saw the worst of the worst. really he should have stayed with his first GF, and not dumped her when they were 16 hahahahaha. but he said she was boring, they had nothing to talk about, nothing in common, she was just smokin hot and generally nice to him, so that was good enough for 6 months or so.

i dunno, i never dated a gurl for 6 months with regular banging, so i wouldnt know! maybe you CAN get bored with a person like that!

he is an interesting case. he says he is introverted and awkward, yet he powered through that and did “WORK”, facing his fear and approaching thousands of women, horribly and awkwardly, and was able to bang dozens of apparently awful, immature, horrible, intolerable, childish women who were not relship worthy.

i know a large part of this is him hanging around with yuppies and professionals and SWPLs in chicago.

i dunno. i just feel he was never in the right place at the right time. what if he were young NOW, with a growing alt right. even I am getting too old. thankfully I’m not THAT old. I’m not SO old that I can’t be part of the alt right. i sure wish i were 10 years younger though. better than wishing you were 22 years younger i guess. Bernard was still Slaying Poosay when he was my age hahahaha.  or maybe he had JUST become a proto-MGTOW. remember: he is “SO OLD” that MGTOW was a BRAND NEW thing when he was in his 30’s. sheeeeeit. how can you be 46 and SUPER OLD. it’s NOT super old. but now MGTOW is clearly old, outdated, tried and failed, discarded, moving on to something better. continuous improvement. still guys like me and def bernard have been molded somewhat by mgtow, will always have a mgtow streak in us. i dont think its a BAD thing.

but yeah im not as much like bernard as i thought i guess. i mean i always knew he had a TON of experience with women, but i guess this just proves it. BUT has he ever really been in a SOLID rel for 2 years or longer? I cant say. well i havent gotten to the chapter about his WIFE yet. I guess she was REALLY crazy. he jumps all around. he has barely even MENTIONED his wife yet. knowing his jumpy writing style, he might skip over the wife altogether.

I mean I should really just have a skype meeting or phone call with bernard already, he’d probably be willing.

yeah i cant think of anyone i really want to TALK to tho. I’m perfectly fine reading their books, peoples forum poasts, watching their youtube vidyas, i dont really want to have a CONVERSATION with anyone. except maybe people from TRS, MAYBE. esp local people for real life meetups. there is actually a TRS group in muh city area which I have not contacted them about at all. guess Im not really serious about the 14 words then!

Back a few months ago, i really want to talk to and have a conversation with That Woman. Now I am like meh. its DEFINITELY too late for that. it would no longer be productive. it would just be very frustrating and pointless and stupid and angering for me.

yeah i guess i wouldnt mind talking to varg vikernes. maybe weev. hahahahaha. maybe george foreveralone feels. me and him a really alike, we could have a good talk, we would understand each other. i would tell him the secret to losing weight is simply eating less. you eat 400 calories over the limit and you are still starving hahahaha. hungry all the time for a year. that’s how you lose 20% of your body weight hehehehe.

oooo i was happy about this hand:

2016-12-14-21_23_29-carom-0-01_0-02-no-limit-holdem-replay-13645490

ALWAYS happy to get NUT FLUSH and especially to DOUBLE UP on it. does not happen too often!

but yeah bernard got burned out because he was going on date after date after date with woman after woman after woman and was getting bored with their stories and it sounded like going on damn job interviews. thats no fun. he probably just needed to take a break from Dating, and then he could enjoy women more. but maybe im wrong. i mean he did date women after this!

maybe i just wish bernard would hang out with TRS, WN and alt right 1488 fascists, rather than hanging out with forney, clarey, and aurini. who are not BAD GUYS per se…….. no they are good guys, but i just gotta go with the STRONG HORSE.

not that those guys are “WEAK”….well TRS and the WN alt right are just about as strong as it gets IMHO. If they came over to this side, it would make them stronger too. doors open fellas. well they say clarey is a “technical j00” hahahaha.

AT THE DRIVE IN REUNION? i guess I shouldnt be so surprised. Jeez I should really think about going to this tho. maybe its a total sellout thing without orig members. like the black flag “reunion” hehehehe. jeez i bet it will sell out immediately. if i still knew that woman i would ask her to go and she would reject me and go to the same concert with another guy and then i might go by myself and see her there with him hahahahahaha.

no i dont think she knew of at the drive in. shit i barely know them. i just know they are hugely influential and ahead of their time and broke up too soon and led to the mars volta……but i guess mars volta isnt as huge as they were like 8 years ago eh? they used to be really big with the hip music kids.

heh. i guess this has been going on for a while and they already played in my city in summer 2016 hehehehehehe.

sheeeeit i always end up staying up too late!!!!!!

dec 15

sam hyde speaks frankly about his show being cancelled from adult swim. i have no idea what happened here. was it because sam is an alt right racist hehehehe. i mean i was surprised he even GOT a show on tv to begin with. and i would like sam to speak ideologically, i want to know what he REALLY believes. not that i suspect him, i think he probably is legit 1488 alt right.

hearing stories of successful, motivated, ambitious young students. reading press releases. an 18 year old “bad boy” goes to prison for 3 years for drug deal, gets a job afterwards, returns to skool, eager to complete a degree in engineering. maybe by age 25 he can get a 40k a year stem job and he’s spent 3 years in PRISON hahahaha.

people who switch their major 10 times by age 19 and finally settle on MATH, and are working with math faculty, plan on getting a phd in math. 20 year old girls who like the thrill of explaining advanced math to people and seeing the light bulb. a 20 year old undergrad can teach math better than many instructors with graduate degrees, even phd’s.

ironic that us smart kids used to make fun of the college as where the losers and fookups and lazy kids and trash goes, and i went to a Good University, and now I see that the 20 year old kids at the Fookup College are bigger winners than I am at age 30!

I don’t begrudge them, good for them i say, i am glad to change my Preconceived notions of the college and its students, and now I freely admit they are great people doing amazing things. I wish I had gone there when I was 20 hehehe instead of going to Good Univ.

So yeah, good for these kids. but i ENVY them, being so young and motivated and having their Shit Together. if they lose their way, they are back on their way by 25 at the absolute latest. not still fooking around at 35 hahahaha. so yeah i can only read so many Success Stories before I’m like damn. these young kids are huge winners and I’m an even bigger loser than I thought!

Having to explain to people why you didnt go to graduate skool. because you didnt like skool. because you didnt think it would be a good investment. because you werent willing to kick ass in your program. well then why should we HIRE you? why should I pick YOU as a husband and father of muh children when you arent MOTIVATED to work hard, be successful, and make even slightly above average money? very valid questions.

i mean these people aren’t really SMARTER than me, they just have a much better WORK ETHIC. working on long term goals, being persistent and resilient and never giving up. whereas i give up too easily hehehe.

yeah well but i dont really give up until I am about ready to K myself with panic hahahahaha. also, I ALWAYS try to do a good job and have GREAT attendance at jobs. when I was getting PAID, I ALWAYS tried to do my best.  also i got good grades in school, followed instructions, did the stuff on time, and high quality, did well on tests. just couldnt translate that into a career.

funny to be thinking all this when i am actually more successful than ive been in 17 months hahahahaha. but now I am seeing and hearing about all these successful young people and I am envious of them and disappointed in myself, wish i had the GUTS and the TOUGHNESS that they have.

yeah prob get really tired at the end of tonight like i did last thursday. sleep like the dead. drinking a lot of coffee today.

hmm tom petty summer tour. thats on bucket list way more than at the drive in. FIFTY DOLLARS for lawn tickets. i mean its 35 plus 15 damn dollars for all the goddam jooish fees. COME ON. i would pay 35 dollars. 50 is rougher. i mean maybe i will change my mind. not like lawn is gonna SELL OUT. i mean i should see TOM PETTY. would rather see tom petty than bob dylan. why cant petty play a medium sized theatre. more importantly, why are tickets to a goddam open air megatheatre so goddam expensive???? they should be less than 20 bucks. you can cram 100000 people in here.

varg v made an anti alt right video and i was like hmm i think me and him are thinking of different things hehehe. you need to come hang out with the TRS goys hahaha. then he started talking shit about andrew anglin and i was like ayo hol up. i like both varg and anglin of course. and i accept varg is just not gonna give an inch on his anti christian stuff. thats technically fine. then varg linked to this other guy who did this expose on anglin which is supposed the truth about why AA is an “anti white zionist shill” and sounds like some real sinead tier shit hahahaha. anyway i would like to listen to all of this and hear what he’s actually saying.

http://www.dailystormer.com/andrew-anglin-exposed/

heres anglins reponse i guess, which i already had bookmarked from months ago hehehehe

and now varg is dissing spencer because spencer associates with the joo “gottfried”? i have never heard of gottfried before today. heheheh movement drama.

official (((atlantic))) 11 minute documentary on RS came out today

posting here for posterity

suprsingly good, good stuff in there with millennial woes and william regnery, who i want to know how much money he has given to The Cause, i feel this guy is more important than he seems hahaha.

oh come on this just isnt fair hahahahaha. i am starting to really warm up to spencer finally. turns out they just did a podcast with spencer AND k1ke enoch AND andre anglin. NOICE. DOUBLE BONER hahahahaha.

maybe varg can talk shit about enoch too hahaha. i am disappoint hehehehe.

i mean really anglin should have gone to NPI. i think enoch went. or maybe sven hehehe. some trs higher ups. somebody saw the mysterious enoch in person hahaha. shit. he keeps hanging out with richard spencer and someones gonna get a damn photo of him hehehe.

heh. wonder if the trs convention in early 2017 will get press. probably will. theroretically i could try to beg trs for an invite. ideally i would like to go. that is going to be OFF THE CHAINS. i’m just wondering if media joos and antifa joos will notice and start reporting on it like they did with NPI. its possible TRS might EXPLODE in popularity at that time.

anyway now i feel impostor syndrome, and also lazy, like i’m not willing to do the outside work to learn the shit for my job. yet i read email and job related stuff all the time off the clock. but i’m not doing the MOST effective stuff, studying the HIGHEST PRIORITY stuff. and i am worried about that biting me in the ass.

not used to not being micromanaged. but i am used to receiving unclear directions and then trying to Act On them hahahahaha. not that im even GETTING that here. im still trying to figure out exactly what i’m getting….other than i can immediately tell that the people are very nice, and its going to be a lot different, in a good way, but there still are unknowns like…..i cant even say! theyre unknown unknowns! the sense of being in a new environment! it just takes time! you cant rush it! time to used muh radical acceptance hahaha.

dec 16

6 more inches of snow? will have gotten like 16 inches of snow by xmas. last year had no snow by xmas. none of these below 10 degree days for xmas. already a brutal winter and its not technical winter yet! bad news. dont know HOW i ever survived without winter boots for like 2 years (because there wasnt a lot of snow!) or especially warm winter socks (yeah this was a smart move. cant stop wearing these. try not to wear them in public or when trying to make a good impression, its just at home and errands and that type of stuff, not when i am WORKING or trying to Compete for a Wife.

had weird dream where i was visiting an old college-era friend of mine, one of those guys you will always remember fondly and be thankful for meeting. talked about him before. super cool good decent guy, super smart, great sense of humor, great personality, got phd in disgusting antiwhite cultural marxism unfort, haven’t talked to him in…..6 years. hmmm. but i will always remember him and wish him well! i hope he find a good wife and has some kids. it would be a CRIME AGAINST NATURE for him not to have at least 3 white kids. he would be a great father. Like me, he was a HIGHLY Moral, Principled man…..but he was a lot more cool about it. seemed to have it mastered a lot better, hehehe. didnt STRUGGLE so much. made it look easy. Maybe a part of this is that we both spent our youths in catholic schools, so we are Typical Catholic Assholes hahahaha. but yeah the catholics would be lucky to have this guy representing them, but I don’t think he has Gotten Back To The Church. Shit I haven’t really gotten back to the church. I just go every week and Mull Things Over and think how one can be a Catholic Alt Right White Nationalist hahahaha. Same way you can be a Degenerate Abortionist Catholic I guess hahahahaha.

mornings are for coffee and contemplation as the phaggot cop in the “Stranger things” commercial says. NO phaggot, mornings are for being SLAMMED with Urgent, Complex, Heroic, Exhausting WORK, just like afternoons and evenings hahahaha. Free at last, thank GOD ALMIGHTY hahahaha.

adorable, beautiful, and important pro-family 14 words vidya by varg. his heart is in the right place, we want the same things, he just misunderstands the alt right and anglin and spencer, but i’ll allow it because his heart is in the right place and we want the same things and he is clearly a Trve WN committed to the 14W and the things that MATTER.

to me, MY alt right is synonymous with Alt Right. For Varg it is not. he dislikes the term Alt Right; I have no problem with it. FINE. But I would be SHOCKED if he took issue wth the term WN. How could he have a problem with that term.

I should leave him a comment saying this. he would probably reply. bbbbbut I would really like to have a LIVE VOICE CHAT with him. but he’s never done one of those. no interviews, no conversations. he really SHOULD. even bernard started doing these. good for him. really TALK to people.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC79N-Hh5_Zhs_MPLP3QzAJA

go sub to alt right andy. i don’t THINK this is andrew anglin, maybe it is, but the POINT is, this guy uploads like a best of the alt right all day every day: trs podcasts, non trs podcasts, all solid stuff, recent and older, of huhwhyte-friendly stuff that’s not on youtube, he puts it on youtube. very convenient aggregator hahahaha.

http://www.radixjournal.com/tees/official-radix-t-shirt

heh i should probably give a few bucks to richard spencer. i thought YKW aka the JQ shut down his paypal, but apparently they did NOT. also NPI is a 5013c org, which i did not know. wouldnt be surprised to see that go away.

hehehehe i just pledged 1 fecking dolla a month to both matt foney and emily youcis. i felt bad about joining trs in making fun of tubby sad thirsty forney hahahaha. he’s a good writer and he is SO CLOSE. he goes to NPI and amren. i just want to push him further though. lose weight or especially become a damn WN 1377 man. he’s almost there, he just remains deluded in not wanting to seem like a racist. and is afraid to touch the JQ too much. i mean JQ is pretty much the final red pill. there’s the people who never talk about it, and then the people who talk about it a LOT, like me hahahaha. or varg. or TRS. pretty sure spencer does too.

or its a beautiful thing to WATCH a smart white man take the JQ Redpill. we got to watch this evolution every step of the way with millennial woes. as he says in the atlantic video, 3 years ago he didnt even think about it, or was just starting to think about it. and now he has followed it to its logical conclusion. which is why i give him 50% more than i am pledging forney hahahaha.

anyway the dream i had. i was visiting my old friend for the first time in years, and to my horror, THAT WOMAN was one of like 6 people who lived in his house. I never saw that woman, just her name on a mailbox or something. my friend couldn’t be blamed, he didn’t know of her history with me.

there was i think an implication that he might be dating that woman now! this was very unclear tho. but even if that were the case, i couldn’t be mad at him, because again, he had no idea that that woman ever knew me.

thankfully i never SAW that woman in the dream. just her Spectre, hehehehe.

yeah i would prob date emily youcis even if she had great potential to have a potato body and i really hate potato bodies, or women that have such YUGE Melon Heavy Breasts that they will certainly become horrendously saggy. despite these cons she has a very QT face. and her huge breasts would be neat for the next 5-10 years at least.

i like that she

a. faced consequences for her actions, which never happens to women, ie, she took a stand and lost her friends and lost her job.

b. she repented for her past degeneracy and is moving in the right direction even after being punished for it.

pretty principled and honorable and moral for a WOMAN!!!!!

i mean most women start out good and go bad pretty fast. she started out kinda degen and then GOT BETTER. i tip muh fedora to any mlady who can IMPROVE herself like that. to say no, fook this shit, this shit is WRONG, i want to be a BETTER PERSON. so thats why emily has earned my 1 feckin dolla a month. also pretty sure i would mostly enjoy making out, secs, and cuddling with her hahaha.

if her cartoon gets more degen instead of less then i can always stop my pledge hahahaha. cuz it is a very degen cartoon. but it’s better for a woman to do a solitary, creative pursuit, than to be out there sucking, fooking, cheating, and breaking real people’s hearts. a woman who can spend time alone by herself, rather than out in the world causing damage and Relational Violence and pain and suffering hahahaha.

im aware she probably sm0ked tons of MJ and odds are maybe even banged nonwhites. did that degen thing called “smut cave.” believe me i will stop giving her 12 dollars a year if she goes back to any of that shit! but i believe people can change! i want to change too! but its def not easy!

andy griffith show. this seems pretty wholesome, huhwhyte, and nonjooish. was don knotts a joo? LETS FIND OUT.

https://anon.to/?https://www.stormfront.org/forum/t273603-2/

i support stormfront in theory as large, old community of honest pro-whites, but i dont really trust don black to manage the money. i know i donated like 2 dollars to them at some point but no more hahaha.

also if i link directly to them, they will prob find me. happened with another blog. when i was just starting to get into pro white stuff in 2010-12. i was not as directly “I AM A FULL BLOWN WN” as i am now, more like i was open to the idea. then somebody posted a thread on stormfront pointing out muh blog, linking to it. did not generate any responses thank god.

anyway stormfront says don knotts was NOT jooish, but one guy had to have a post saying andy griffith is not as wholesome as it seems, and is in fact subversive, perverted jooish trash hahahaha.

they say don knotts’ comedy style was jooish, pure catskill borscht belt shit, and the AG show producer was aaron ruben, a yuge J.

i’ll allow these arguments hahahaha. not NOT an argument hehehehe.

born in west virginia to english stock. pretty sure west virginia is the huhwhytest state in the US. I should srsly move there. not even joking.

anyway point is, don knotts seems like a nice honest man to me. maybe he was self deprecating because he was short and petite, not because he was worshipping jooish comedians.

honestly once you take the Joo pill, theres no going back hahahaha. you see EVERYTHING through that lens. and i think thats a GOOD thing.

heh. went to catholic church for standard xmastime confession service. i never ever do the thing where you confess your sins in the confessional, havent done that since i was like 12 hahaha. usually do this thing where you write your sins on a small piece of paper, give it to the priest, they bless you right there without really reading the paper, put the paper in a metal garbage cans, then burn them at the end. symbolic. well that is a bit of a controversial procedure in that some higher ups dont agree that its a proper trve confession. might be heresy hahaha. so this year there was a more proper “group reconciliation” thing where they had 5 priests, and you lined up and actually TALKED TO THE PRIEST for 2 minutes confessing your sins in person. so i was nervous about that. did it anyway. no worse than the phone calls i had to take 20 times a day for muh job hahahaha. just ramble autistically about how i am selfish and judgemental and racist and sexist and lustful and lazy and hateful and a complainer and lukewarm and judge everybody etc etc etc.

http://archive.is/TX6mq

paul gottfried, richard spencers jooish “mentor.” article in the tablet, a ridiculously jooish journal, nov 2016, which charges 180 dollars a YEAR to be able to COMMENT on their WEBSITE. WOW. I CANT EVEN. I AM LITERALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW.

http://www.frontpagemag.com/fpm/263988/some-observations-man-who-created-alt-right-paul-gottfried

gottfried himself writes an article, not gonna blame him for that stupid title tho. TLDR hahahaha. he admits to at one time being a friend of spencer. well does spencer admit to being a friend of him? i dont even care if he is hahahaha. i mean this gottfried is probably one of the good joos. hes still gotta go back tho. even the good joos must go back. the bad far outweighs the good. kinda like blacks and muslims and browns and mestizos hahahahahaha and nonwhites in general.

uh oh getting prejudiced and judgemental again, better watch out or i will have to go back to confession hahaha.

 

 

GOOD ALPHA BAD ALPHA

dec 11

ok i wanna establish a timeline of muh political racial alt right journey in case i meet up with any real life people, and i SHOULD, that should be muh new years resolution.

in 2008 i was a shitlib and voted for obongo. in 2012 i was much better and voted for mitt. i know in 2012 i was also listening to william luther pierce speeches and writing a blog that sort of positioned me as a WN “ally”, like hmmm this is scary, but also interesting, and maybe not as scary as I think. I think i was linking to stormfront and definitely stuff like counter currents and mindweapons. this was in 2012, 13 at the latest.

oh yeah. in late 2012, i got rejected by woman 2012, and i said, welp, i’m gonna go ALL IN on this racist stuff. i was holding back because i didnt want to seem Weird To Women, but now, i’ve not nothing to lose. I distinctly remember climbing the stairs 3 a time in muh old workplace saying “superior huhwhyte body, superior huhwhyte mind, crush the k1k3s, huhwhyte huhwharrior” as kind of a mantra in late 2012 to encourage me as i suffered thru the loss of woman2012.

so yeah i guess 2012 was when i became “alt right” hahahaha.

but i thought, lets look at my amazon history and the books i bought, thats a pretty good indicator.

2010 – started using amazon. yeah a bit late i know. late 2010. 2 books only: “atomised” by houellebecq, and “the evolution of desire” by david buss. (evo psych.) not a bad start!

2011 – myth of male power by warren farrell, women theory and practice by bernard chapin, more houellebecq – platform and whatever. (platform was prob muh fav, decent writer here.)  breaking bad thrid season. escape from gangsta island by chapin.  some crimmus presents including a book for woman2012 hahahaha. stuff for family. day bang by roosh v, because i wanted to use day game to seduce a nice Day Woman like woman 2012. sorcery and religion by varg vikernes. season 1 of big bang theory. i cant believe i ever liked that show.

2012 – going january to dec here on all these. life at the bottom by dalrymple, heard of him from chapin, i know MW was a big fan as well. another warren farrell book i never fully read. righteous indignation by breitbart. war against boys by christina hoff sommers. you can see i was still big on mra/mgtow stuff, which i will not apologize for, it was necessary for muh development, and these people arent WRONG. also sommers or farrell arent woman shunning mgtows!!!! flipside of feminism by venker and schlafly, got autographed edition and i think phyllis schlafly went on to pass away soon after. america alone by mark steyn. i was listening to rush limbaugh radio and really liked when mark steyn hosted. he still is a great guy, so charismatic. radical son by david (((horowitz))). another chapin recommendation. interested there because horowitz went from communist to rightist. but def not alt rightist, hehehe.

liberty and tyranny by mark (((levin))). listening to some levin radio as well. never read the book. the long march by roger kimball, another chapin rec. didn’t fully read it but i didnt donate it either. freedom twenty five by frost. a kind of self improvement book by a decent PUA/Game writer, who was smart enough to potentially move beyond Game and Hedonism. not sure if he did. decent book actually. 4 hour workweek by tim ferriss, hahahahahaha.

here we go: confessions of a reluctant hater by grindr greggy johnson. i think i bought it from matt parrott’s bookstore, RIP. october 2012. muh first legit WN “alt right” book. interesting, at that time i was gettign rejected by woman2012, hehehe. good book by greg, i dont really hate greg, im just bantzing. greg is GREAT.

suicide of a superpower by pat buchanan. great book. then a bunch of christmas gifts for people.

2013 AMAZON PURCHASES, jan to dec

CULTURE OF CRITIQUE by stefan molyneux hahahahaha in may 2013. yep that was a good move. i never finished it but want to hahaha. c# for dummies, some c# and asp.net and internet app security books.  racism schmacism by james edwards of the conservative cesspool. political cesspool sorry. christmas gifts. was gonna start my new shitty job and was getting a lot clsoer with That Woman this year. amazon slowed down.

2014

texas holdem for dummies hahaha. the unschooling handbook by griffith. how to talk to anyone by lowndes. one sheaf one vine by griffin. he wrote the pierce biography and there are chapters in the sheaf book on mindweapon and alex linder. this was in august 2014 when mindweapon was getting doxxed and slandered. fookin antiwhite pigs.

dumbing us down by john taylor gatto in sept 2014. i think i was starting to feel the need to Have Heirs, because I was thinking about how to best educate children.

dispossessed majority by wilmot robertson. an old school pro white classic.

thus spoke zarathustra by freddy n because why the hell didnt i have this book. still havent read it tho hahahaha.

death of the west by pat buchanan. great book.

bunch of christmas gifts including a very nice one for That Woman. damn.

the shy man syndrome by gilmartin. was concerned clearly about how things were not going so well with That Woman at the end of the year. remember i got feelies around october and wanted to talk to her….but she was avoiding hanging out with me. the last we really HUNG OUT was in sept 2014. this book is the incel bible by the world’s leading incel phd hehehehe. it paints such a bleak picture that i had to stop reading it. good book though. just dont read it until you have a huhwhyte huhwhyfu.

2015 AMAZON

king of the hill season 6. watching KOTH was one of my only pleasures in life at this time with the shitty job and That Woman refusing to hang out with me. (but she still responded to my texts nicely and said we would hang out soon.) a book to help me with muh shitty job. by march 2015 i was obsessed with studying in off work hours and became totally consumed and crazy. cleveland show season 2 dvd. another decent show. the bias against guns by john lott in may 2015. i was laid off and a shitlib swpl acquaintance got into a big tirade on how guns are evil and need to be controlled, severely limited, and i wasnt confident enough to argue against him, but i knew he was wrong hahaha. judas priest live vengeance 82. CLASSIC show.

sept 2015 getting past your breakup by susan elliott. hehehehehe. yep that happened.

customer service training 101 by evenson. i felt i was losing all my customer service skills and was trying to mentaly prepare for tuff situations. i lost ALL my confidence to deal with tough customer situations. felt so weak. still do actually.

2016

a guide to customer service skills for the service desk professional by donna knapp. a customer service book for tech support help desk people. pretty good book, should have got this when i started that job. funny i only read it after i QUIT.

a RAM chip to upgrade muh computer. good call. some clothes with a gift card.

the dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook by mckay et al. hmm just bought this. not a bad book.

man going his own way by bernard chapin in dec 2016. not alt right, probably MGTOWish judging by dat title, but I wanted to support uncle bern for xmas hehehe.

a book related to the field of muh new JOB. I wanted to buy some relevant books RIGHT AWAY. still waiting on that one too.

wow thats all folks.

TLDR: I bought my first officially alt right, pro white book in october 2012, but was sowing the seeds well before that. if game and mra and mgtow can be considered sowing the seeds.

well, in 2012, they kind of WERE! and when i say “game”, i mean deeper thinkers like heartiste and houellebecq. and in 2012, mgtow seemed like a damn good idea!

i was reading heartiste even when i was a shitlib, just because i was so obsessed with women and why they were so ridiculous, and why i couldn’t even pull skanky promiscuous sluts who would fook ANYBODY EXCEPT ME! so heartiste/roissy and chapin got me started on muh journey. and those dirty sluts who wouldnt bang me or even hang out with me.

come on, youre a KNOWN slut, youre SUPPOSED to be EASY!!!! hahahaha. arent you mad at the patriarchy that oppresses you? dont you even know about any of this, YOU IGNORANT SLUT?

and then, THANK GOD, i came to realize “the patriarchy” was bullshit.

hehehe anyway when you buy babbys first copy of CULTURE OF CRITIQUE, thats usually a good sign ahahahaha. as i recall, i had known about it LONG before i finally bought it, such that i felt I was buying it LATE, in may 2013.

so thats muh cred hahahaha.

 

might as well toss this one in here, while i am keeping On Top of New albums. i have known about wardruna for years, ever since like 2011 when i started investigating gorgoroth, and then gayhl, which brought me to wardruna, which is not super gay, and also features kvitravn who was a decent drummer for gorgoroth, and they are doing full nordic larpagan stuff here, but it doesnt sound ridiculously larpy, which makes me wonder if they feel some kind of connection deep in their nordic blood, which would be great. just speculating here.

anyway. pretty chill and beautiful neovolkisch stuff from people who have srs metal background. and they just came out with a new album, here it is.

yep shaving with the old fashioned single blade safety razor is great, a pleasure, a privilege, a nice smooth shave……..but it takes a damn long time. you cant do it quickly. which is its number one con by far. if you try to go fast you will prob butcher your face and you will still take a long time anyway.

in other words, it may take too long to shave this way BEFORE you go to your job. unless you get up super early. i’ve just been using the electric razor so i can get an OK shave and not cut my damn face and do it pretty fast.

wow big snowstorm here, prob gonna be a bad winter, cuz last winter was so GOOD and light on snow and cold. which means this winter is gonna be fookloads of snow and ridic low temperatures.

just waiting around to go back outside, clear moar snow, then go to bed hehehe and get up at 5 am and maybe clear more snow again hahahaha.

have i uploaded this picture yet? it is very educational:

f05q4jp

i found it on MPC, and somebody bantzed PMan saying he was the third guy under Beta Negative, hahaha.

but yeah my audience is clearly delta negative and below. i identify most with omega positive. for sure.

also it neglects to mention that beta males CAN get women. they are just always at risk of losing these women to alphas.

those thuggish negros who women leave you for and who end up cheating on or dumping the women you luved? these deadbeat thugs would be alpha negative. the badbois. all the women see is the alpha part. they cant tell good from bad, alpha positive from alpha negative hahaha.

great concept here hahahaha

QUOTE

”  neveragoodtime 30 points 1 year ago
For you white knights on the fence, this isn’t an issue of men who are intimidated by a strong woman’s past sexual exploits. That if she tells you those days are over and she doesn’t do those things anymore and he was a jerk anyway and she loves you for you and sex isn’t that important anyway, she must be telling you the truth now. You’re not being compared to what she had in her past, you’re being compared to what she couldn’t have. She never had the alpha, she just f00ked him, and therefore thinks she could have had him, but obviously she didn’t lock him down. It’s not that you can’t compete with her exes, you can’t meet her expectations, and she will always be less happy in your relationship. ”

giphy-1

http://archive.is/iBo8D

glad to see this page has been already archived twice hahahaha

https://therationalmale%5Bdot%5Dcom/2012/01/06/the-slut-paradox/

another good page, only not linkin directly because i just dont want to leave a pingback. but i do support rollo tomassi i suppose insofar as this article and his view on game, women, the red pill, etc

and then of course i think of that woman. she will prob be an alpha widow. well her major BF, i knew him, and i got along with him, i didnt have any big problems with him, i wanted him and her to work things out, but he just wasnt feeling it. was he a true alpha? he was pretty damn handsome. but he was autistic as fook, and prone to despair, drinking, and being an antisocial grumpy asshole apparently, with no friends, who just wanted to sit around and use the internet. describing him he sounds like a neet virgin. but he was handsome and he had kind of a hardass confidence i guess. wasn’t scared of gurls. but he was absolutely not a normie. kinda wish i had gotten the chance to get to know him better.

the short term bf was prob an alpha negative. so she’ll prob be hung up on HIM.

went outside and cleared snow THREE times today and it was STILL coming down. total snowfall of 7 to 12 inches hehehe. thats a lot for us before the new year. its prob gonna be a bad winter. gonna get up even earlier tomorrow (4.40 am) to blow some more snow. THANK GOD we have a snow blower. many people do not.

tried to do a new job task while i was at home today, basically logging into a system and making a report The Boss wants. but i can’t figure out how to make the report for all people, only one by one. it seem TOTALLY STUPID that the system would not give you a SQL-like way to make the query, and FORCE you to pick only ONE person/record at a time. there HAS to be a better way…..but i just don’t know it. i just wanted to show some initiative.

wore the new $20 walmart winter boots. they were great. kept feet dry and warm. even if they fall apart halfway through the winter they will be worth it.

but yeah i liked That Woman because she didnt seem like the Cynical, Nihilistic, Desouled, Corrupted, Ruined, Destroyed, completely Infantile Modern Woman that all the Game and “Red Pill” blogs talk about. She seemed like a Decent Woman. and she probably was and is. she just got scared and ran away when there was something she couldnt handle. SIMPLE. NOT ROCKET SCIENCE here. dont need a smart guy like ROISSY or rollo tomassi to explain it to me.

dec 12

normie wagies need to still put in a grueling day of slavery. the lucky ones can hope they get a slow day. the unlucky ones will actually be BUSIER due to the bad weather. or it will have no impact because they are just getting phone calls from all over the nation and or world, not just their immediate area.

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/128618-alone-and-afraid/

this goy is having a tough time, gets dumped harshly by the love of his life, she blames him directly, refuses to talk further, now he is stuck in a Self Blame Spiral! I posted on there to try to reassure him. she’s dumping him for ying about his age. now this is her right, and it’s not great to lie about your age…..but i totally sympathized. especially since i totally understand why you would lie about your age. i have thought about lying about my age. oh yeah i only just turned 30, therefore it’s a lot less weird that i have no relship experience and barely any secsual experience, hahahahahaha.  that as a 30+ year old man i have signif less relship and secs experience than a 20 year old gurl!

but 20 year old gurls are huge sluts who have way TOO MUCH secs experience.

besides women are the supply men are the demand, so it’s not really weird that women have Relship Experience starting right at…..age 18 onward. that they aren’t Single much, in other words. just DONT rack up a high number while you are busy not being single. keep it with a low number of guys. LTR’s.

maybe that woman’s first major bf wasn’t an alpha positive, but he was an alpha negative because he was grumpy and unhappy and stubborn and used to have a drinking problem and was content with mediocrity in his job until she encouraged him to get a higher paying (but still really shitty and stressful!) job. she stayed with him, started dating him, even when he was making like minimum wage. so she saw something in his cocky badboy personality, and also he was handsome.

and he wasnt SO alpha that he got bored with her and dumped her and cheated on her. well it sounded like he got bored with her, but he didnt cheat or dump. he just stayed with her and drank and got grumpy and distant. a true alpha would have just dumped her or cheated.

so does this make him more moral than an alpha? but an alpha can be moral too, if he dumps and doesn’t cheat. theres nothing immoral about DUMPING.

so i think he was somewhat lazy, or had a tendency to get stuck in ruts. i know that feel! except my ruts never involved being in a traditional monog rel with a nice, sweet, pretty, young woman! even when he was in a rut, he was alpha enough to pull that off.  also he was Her First, so that i think was very relevant to her staying with him and not giving up on him, when he had clearly given up on her.

so who’s she gonna be the Alpha Widow for, is my question. this guy or the short term guy who came after, who blatantly Did Her Wrong? probably that guy, because he was more alpha, AND he did her wrong. it’s hard to get over that. makes you want to be mean and break some poor omegas heart as the revenge you aren’t allowed to get on the bad alpha hahahaha.

in fact the first BF kinda seemed like a Beta Negative, but I guess he was handsome and confident enough, albeit unpleasant, and she was young and “inexperienced” and innocent and loving enough, to not give up on him, and to give him MORE than a good faith effort, that i wish she had given 10% of to ME. and not in a relship way, but just in a just friends, try to do the right thing, good karma sort of way.

had to make a post on that one. yeah him lying about his age is legit a dealbreaker, but i think he had good intent and didnt deserve that punishment.

QUOTE here’s my effortpost to him:  ”  Darn man, that is just horrible. IMHO it is very insensitive of her to essentially say “It’s all your fault, you caused this,” then shut down, then throw you away like a piece of garbage. I think the much kinder, gentler, mature thing, is to say some variation of “it’s not you, it’s me,” when you are ending a relationship that the other person doesn’t want to end, and you know that person is going to be hurt. Try to be as gentle as you can on them with something you know is going to hurt them, not say “this is all your fault” AND then shut down and refuse to discuss it further. That sounds really rotten to me, and IMHO a person who would do that to you is not someone you would want in your life. How would you treat someone if you wanted to dump them and you knew they still wanted to be with you?

How hard is it for the dumper to make some kind of good faith effort to be kind (yet firm) in dumping? Does she know this is adding insult to injury? I had a similar situation and I just blamed myself for many months, thought that I had done something horribly wrong, that I was a horrible person, maybe I was a horrible abuser to make somebody get rid of me like this.

Yeah it’s not great to lie about your age, and yes people do have the right to make a one-sided decision to end a relationship whenever they want, but I think that with that right comes the responsibility to be decent to the person you are dumping. Maybe she is trying to “punish” you for lying to her? Possibly she doesn’t even know why she’s doing what she’s doing, and is too immature to see how much it’s hurting you.

You are right, it’s impossible to find other things which can perfectly substitute for the unique joys of a close relationship. But the pitcher example given above is pretty good. It’s important to distract yourself with hobbies, work, exercise, and not replay this over in your mind too much, or blame yourself. But it’s also important to grieve what is indeed a very big loss for you.

I would also recommend going No Contact. Or maybe directly telling her she could have been a little more tactful and considerate when dumping you, would she like it if somebody dumped her like that? (Maybe she was dumped like that in the past, and this is her “paying it back”?)

Yeah lying can destroy trust, and I’m sure you’ve already learned your lesson about not lying about your age in the future. Were there other lies? It’s her right to not want to forgive your lie, but still I don’t think it warrants the “punishment” you’re getting.

Would she be willing to go to a relationship counselor with you? I hate to say it, but it doesn’t sound like she’s WILLING to do much of anything to meet you halfway here. Minimal/No Contact might be for the best here. Sorry she couldn’t be more of an adult with you.

How long were you together? I think you said 5 months? Is that the entire length of time you knew her? I don’t mean to minimize your pain, but it’s hard to fully know a person in 5 months. Maybe she was starting to show her “true colors”, that is, someone who’s not willing to make the effort to be committed to you and handle conflict maturely.

There’s no way to make this easier, just try not to blame yourself too much and get through 1 hour at a time! Feel free to post any updates.  ”

END QUOTE

went for 1 mile powerwalk in neighborhood afternoon after YUGE winter storm, 10 inches of snow. workplace was closed down. wanted to see what the neighborhood looked like in the light. really not bad. city did a good job of plowing roads. most people cleared their driveways and even sidewalks. but muh new shiny winter boots enabled me to trudge through snow and keep feet warm and dry. and even through wet cold SLUSH as well.

so that is really good. since i never had good winter boots before, that was always my somewhat valid excuse for not doing powerwalks in the winter. so now i can get a bracing 20 minute powerwalk in. sometimes it will be too cold to do longer. that is ok. but 20 minutes should be doable even in 10 degree weather. and it is a balmy 30 degrees right now. and these arent even GOOD winter boots, but the cheapest boots i could find at WALMART.

ate a TINY  chocolate coated donut, it was like 80 calories. this was not a large or even a medium or probably even a small donut, but a very small, mini, bite size MINI donut.

its not eating fried meat that makes the sp1c n1gz too fat to walk, its Sweet Treats like donuts and chips and stuff. cakes, donuts, cinnabons. these are the absolute worst things.

not sure how great yandex is, but i just made an email there because andrew anglin mentioned the name, and i wanted something slightly permanent to go along with my second disqus account which pretty much gives away my location when i upvote Real Talk comments in the local paper hehehehe that i did not want linked with my larger Alt Right personality, like ooh look, this guy who upvotes trs also upvotes racist comments in the podunk times. that must be where he lives.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yandex

info on the yandex co

selling muh info to the skype cabal who controls russia hahahaha

Arkady Volozh the founder and ceo is a JOO welp i shouldnt be so suprirsed.

i like that they have a background of the huge “the motherland calls” statue in volgograd. but this is where the dirty reds beat back the glorious NSDAP hehehehe. the russians are the bad guys hehehe. well theres good russians and bad russians. good russian bad russian hehehehe. you can guess that that bad russians arent really “RUSSIANS” at all. ((((RUSSIANS)))) hehehehe. PURGE THE BERGS & STEINS!!!!!

man. all the new people coming into TRS are way better goys than me. masters degrees in petroleum engineering, 20 year old young men with 3.9 GPA in mechanical engineering or math. military service. social skills from selling shit. manly non bitch hands from working in machine shops. knows how to fix shit. with people like this coming in, i should get banned just for being a loser hahaha. giving money to TRS is not enough. especially when i dont give a LOT hahahaha.

yeah well if they ban me i will stop giving hahaha. i dont think they would really BAN me for being a loser. i mean i am slowly moving away from that loserness. probably not fast enough for their liking……but they dont need to know those details.

it just sucks to find a group of people you like and respect, then worry about them rejecting you because youre not good enough for them. and when you compare yourself with them, well shit yeah, they have accomplished a lot more than you and they ARE a lot cooler than you!

yeah well they havent rejected me yet hehehe. no need WORRYING about it.

dec 13

went in to job. was very slow and easy. saw a half black half white woman about 25 years old who made me consider race treason. she had a masters degree and was a Young Professional. She appeared Significantly Younger than me. she clearly had her life and career in order! she was pretty darn attractive. good in shape body. BMI 20 or so hahaha. light mocha skin. green or gray eyes, NOT dark brown black eyes hahahaha. i think she was a Halfroon rather than a Light Skinned Black. I felt bad she didnt have a real race to call her own. I wondered about her racial identity. But she clearly had a masters degree and a decent career. all by the age of 25 and was very attractive. would TOTALLY bang. would NOT have chirren with.

got paperback physical book of “man going his own way” by UNCLE BERN. it is a large book but thin, like a coloring book hahaha. very nice cover art. he uses a lot of foul language he does not use on his videos. i do not mind at all hahahaha. i honestly think he just never found the right woman. maybe a combination of standards too high and just have bad luck. maybe he was too Laissez Faire when he should have been Dominant. but he IS dominant in his own way! i guess not in the way that women like though. unlucky! i know his first (and only) wife was BATSHIT crazy. i think he talks about these juicy details in the book. stories of his youth, college, etc, that he doesnt really share in his videos. LISTEN TO THE EAGLE! BUY THE BOOK!

i would like for him to get racially woke and or red pilled on the JQ and become more fascist and 14 words, obviously, but i dont think he ever will. unless maybe he were to join TRS and really listen to the goys there….. i guess it depends on how serious he is about having children. at 46, 47 years old, he may have RESIGNED himself to no children.

anyway i will never stop muh $1 a month dnation to uncle bern because he was big in getting me to where I am today. I might even increase that hehehe.

came home at 2:45 pm or so and immediately took benedryl to prepare self for an early bedtime at liek 8 or 9. i guess ideally i should do that on sunday afternoon. the trick is not to take it too late so you are not groggy the next day at 5 am hahahha.

 

 

1433 OVENBURGERS AT 616 DEGREES

dec 10

saor/arsaidh roots MIGHT use a drum machine because i can’t find the name of a session drummer, or a direct quote  confirming like “andy marshall played an actual physical live drum kit on this album and not a machine” hahahaha.

whatever the case, it still sounds pretty damn good, i am really enjoying this guys style. not that its too groundbreaking, but in a way it is in how it seems to use SCOTLAND as its major influence. and nothing seems FORCED or SHOEHORNED.

like on how the following albums aura and guardians they clearly say so and so played drums. austin lunn of panopticon played wildman keith moon james read drums on aura (he sounds pretty good here, attacks the drums very passionately, there is NO WAY this is a machine, but with “roots” its a lot more questionable, and i dont particularly love that.)

i will probably buy a damn 25 dollar SAOR shirt hahaha but want to wait until 2017 because i have been spending TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY.

took 1 benedryl yesterday at like 6:30 pm and didnt quite hit like nyquil, but i still slept the sleep of the dead. well i did wake up once and did not fall back asleep immediately…but i did fall back into a deep sleep until almost 10 am and still feel groggy hehehehe. just from 1 tiny nebedryl.

but i was thinking it would be ideal to take it during the “work week” so i dont stay up too late and get 5 hours of sleep hehehehe. more sleep is good but im like gotta study gotta study gotta study so i dont sound like an idiot. i feel like an idiot.

so take a benedryl or nyquil as SOON as i get home, maybe do a little sleep groggy studying, and go to bed early enough to get 8 hours and wake up at 5 am hahahaha. go to SLEEP at 9pm not 11pm.

making BURGERS in the OVEN so i can then FREEZE the burgers and have them during the Big Boy NonNeet Work Week hahahahahahaha. Third Pound Burgers of 5.3 oz each. make 5 burgers at once, freeze them, bring out one per day, as alternative to buying expensive and sodium filled Deli Meats like ham or salami and i just dont like sliced turkey hahahaha. give me a damn beefburger all day. NOT lean either hahahaha. eating fat filled beef is how i lost 35 pounds and now fit into size 32 pants like a boss. and achieved a bmi of…. 21.5.

some women would freak out if their bmi were that “high” hahaha and want it back to 18 hehehe.

hehehe i would totally take a women with bmi 21.5 hehehehehe.

ok had about 1.46 lbs of 80 20 beef. started making third pound 5.3 oz patties. made 4 of those and then a tiny one. took some out of each to make the Little One into 4 ounces. 5 patties now total. made them as flat as i could on the baking sheet. put lawrys and pepper and garlic flakes on. put in oven for about 20 minutes, no flipping. at this point they were done, brown on inside, about medium. puddle of grease in the pan, burgers sitting in fat. used tongs to gently squeeze most fat out of patties. but i LUV FAT, so i dont mind a Glaze Of Fat on the Patties. your BRAIN is MADE OF FAT hahahaha.

had bought lowest cal white buns i could find, 110 cals each. pro tip: maybe try looking for SLIDER buns. started picking bits out of the buns to kinda hollow them out. get about .8 of a bun, 88 calories hahaha. 1488 burgers hahahaha.

put the burgers into little ziploc baggies and put them in freezer. 2 i put buns in there with them. take burgers out the night before to thaw in refrigerator.

ate one of the burgers right there. it tasted fine, tasted good. OVENBURGERS. i guess that DOES make them truly 1488Burgers!

but yeah they tasted perfectly fine, not dry at all, i mean shit they might be BETTER than burgers on the grill.

sheeeeeeeit. so i got delivered to muh inbox, an ideal job at an ideal employer. something that would have given me double boner during the merciless job search, where i dropped everything and applied for it IMMEDIATELY. so those are STILL the types of jobs I should apply for!!!! AND I would have a better chance at getting it now that i have essentially Ended The Dreaded GAP.

THEORETICALLY I could get the 42k a year job (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and then profusely apologize to the nice people at muh new 13k a year job (they are nice good people and i would feel guilty for disappointing them) and take them out to lunch. where i would spend no more than ………………. 75 dollars on the lunch hahahahaha.

actually they might be happy that i found a good paying FT job. I would be happy for a person in that position! its not like i’m DOING much anyway! I can’t believe they have the extra 13k laying around for what i am doing! for as low stress as the job is, i DESERVE to be making MINIMUM wage!!!!!!

trying to finish this damn body fortress whey protein. it has a lot of calories in it hahahaha so i dont take more than a quarter scoop at a time.

its an ok idea, and yeah it is less “costly” protein because you get an even higher calories to protein ratio in meat or cheese…..but those taste much better hahahahaha. also i would think damn POWDER would have LESS calories than it does.

in short, i would be better served by eating beef or chikun for muh protein.

i prefer fatty beef because i like Good Fats too and Huhwhyte Chicken Breast has no flavor. legs and thighs and wings are nice though.

maybe chikun breasts wrapped in bacon hahahaha.

also another good thing about muh New Job is that it will def help me Move On from That Woman. it is almost like the last key in the puzzle. well actually finding a New Woman would be the final, but a new job is also VERY YUGE and its just YUGEly positive and I THANK GOD for that.

did i mention that i think the hospital was going to say YES and OFFER me that job?

maybe the big picture lesson is that That Woman was NEVER a Good Fit for me at all anyway. Maybe I was even playing Captain Save A Ho. Not that she was a HO per se, but she kinda did have a troubled, unfortunate life. if i were being mean i would say Fatherless White Trash. but they had good qualities too: like she wasnt a high number SLUT, and i think most of her family had decent/ok morals, there was nothing really for me to SAVE her from, she was just kinda of a lower social class than me. but if anythign i felt she could SAVE ME by being Muh First Real GF and BOY would i have hit the JACKPOT there with such a nice sweet kind pretty and young low number gurl. she would be a GREAT gf for me. also she picks guys who dont show her enough luv. i would have showed her plenty of luv. but maybe she doesnt WANT a guy whos that NEEDY. and being show luv is a turnoff for her.

and in the LONG RUN, we were from TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS like romeo and juliet hahahaha. still at least romeo and juliet luved EACH OTHER and probably banged and cuddled a little bit hahahahaha.  unrequited luv is moar tragic than requited luv hahahaha. so yeah i would have liked a CHANCE. like just a few months of “dating” would have been nice.  who cares if we were from two different worlds. they arent THAT different. were both WHYTE. her immediate family wasnt too trashy. like neck tattoos, pain pills, alcoholics, all the men are violent or in jail.

but there was always trouble brewing on the distance. sure not her “immediate” family who lived in her house, but this relative is a pill popper and that relative is a drunk and bla bla is a pill popper on disability and etc. do i really want to merge myself with that troubled family?

again her immediate family was ok……but very close to that are some serious probs.

and even if her mother wasnt a degen drug addict………she still couldnt pick a good man! maybe she was a huge bitch who drove good men away, and she only wanted Deadbeat Men who would leave HER in the lurch! just BACK ASSWARDS with her relships! and do you think her daughter isn’t gonna pick up on that? maybe act the same way?

so in other words, i really DODGED A BULLET! I should be THANKING her for getting herself out of my life! NO GOOD could have come from that!

well thats not true. some good would have def come from it hahahaha.

but it WOULD HAVE ended. It wouldnt have lasted.

still, i would have liked to just try it and experience the GF Experience for a year, if i was just gonna get dumped anyway hahahaha.

i mean really her and her family were right on the fence. they could have gone either way. i wasnt looking to save anyone from abject degeneracy….but i kinda wanted to point people in the right direction who were right in the middle like that. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE hahahaha.

i’d be like ok were gonna stop sm0king MJ so much. We’ll find a good winner man for your mother. we’ll do an intervention on your extended family members and if they dont clean up their act we will defoo them. we’ll do a little pygmalion on you and teach you the difference between your and you’re. we’ll (we meaning I hahaha) will implicitly steer you to some honest to god racial consciousness so that you’d never THINK of ever fooking another black cok. you will never WANT to go back!  that was a big problem with her, is that she was WAY too sympathetic to blacks…….but i think I honestly could have turned her, she showed promise for Red Pill thinking. I mean you’re SUPPOSED to MOLD women, and she showed decent potential for being molded. but she didnt want me to mold her i guess.

she wasnt so far gone in other words. like i say, she was right on the damn fence. i could have KEPT her from embarking on the road to ruin. and i guess she didnt want that.

i was also jealous of her because she could do MJ any time she wanted, and i had to depend on her for MJ. and when our rel was FAILING, i was jealous of everything she did because she didnt want to do it with ME.

and now I probably accuse her of being some huge degen MJhead doing 1 oz  every day, when she really wasnt! she might have not even been an every day user! i have NO PROOF!

so i shit talk her and say she is taking 9000 black dicks, or smokin MJ every day, etc, when she really isnt. just because im butthurt she didnt pick me.

WRONG, im butthurt because she didnt pick me, in the most disrespectful and cowardly way imaginable hahahaha.

well, when it came to Bad Influences, she usually chose wisely in dumping those people from her life, like drunks and druggies, who would then accuse her of being on a high horse, try to make her feel guilty, etc. and i would tell her don’t worry about them, they are just butthurt, besides, its totally legit to dump bad influences from your life.

and i hate that IIIIIII became one of those bad influences! I may be a loser, but im not as big of loser as pill poppers and drug addicts and degenerate womanizers and degenerate sluts and degen white trash!!!!!! and i hate being lumped in with people like that!

but she WASNT lumping me in with them, she was just running away from a tough situation. still, the end result was the same for me.

graveland has just released a rerecording album of old stuff, which is usually a bad idea, except alot of their old stuff had really bad production, and this is produced by the main man of MGLA, who is a really good producer who knows how to get a really good sound. and also graveland has a real drummer here. which was my second big problem with graveland.

i cant possibly diss graveland because they are the oldest most legendary polish BM band, rob darken is pro-white and racially woke, but their music was often boring, poorly produced, and used a damn drum machine. so its nice to see him fixing these issues.

and i guess this was recorded “live in the studio” which imho is the ideal way to record an album, no idea why you would record any other way IF you happen to have a live drummer…..which you should.

i guess he has softened and sold out a bit so he could play giant metal festivals and appreciate his nonwhite fans……but i guess i dont really care. he probably deserves to make a living from his music and i would give him the benefit of the doubt that he is pro-white and would not support muslims pouring into europe, for example. but yeah i also guess i would prefer he is more clear about saying such things, rather than “graveland has never been a political band, its a PAGAN band”

i guess mgla are sellouts because kim kelly and leftists and sjw’s like mgla hahahaha. well LOTS of people like mgla. call them racist for associating with mikko a. will probably call them racist for associating with racist graveland. but graveland is cucking on their “racism” to make jooshekels selling their music.

yeah but playing shows would be kinda FUN and why shouldnt you make money on it. i would just draw the line if darken APOLOGIZES for being white or makes blatant sjw talk. plus i like mgla, i like mgla’s production skills, and i like real drummers.

well….i forgot graveland DID have a real drummer in their early days, and he turned out to be a HUGE racist. (capricornus.) so that is kewl. however his work was not very compelling, and he became a huge alcoholic or drug addict and disappeared entirely. not cool. be a racist AND make good, good sounding music, with real drums hehehe.

yeah the drums sound really good on this recording. sigrunar is the drummer. never heard of him. hope he’s a pole. it would be kewl if it was the drummer from mgla, he is really really good.  but its not like theres only one good drummer in poland. the guy from furia is also really good. poles are capable of amazing greatness like any whites. which is why i hate sloppy, off-time, badly-produced drums! and i am really glad to see poles really Winning in black metal in the last few years. not to crap on the old polish stuff……but i kinda have to, because it is very difficult and unrewarding to listen to.  probably im just not KVLT enough ahahahhahahaa.

so sue me for wanting to be able to understand what i’m listening to. hey i like RAW NECRO KVLT productions. but theres good kvlt and theres bad kvlt. transilvanian hunger is a perfect production. it sounds just right.  something like…..i dunno…trying to think of old polish bm….ok veles “black hateful metal” is really hard to listen to.

now that mgla is getting so BIG, purists are starting to crap on them. actually the production on this graveland album does sound very…..mglaish. which imho is a great thing! even darken’s voice. it sounds great and passionate, whereas 20 years ago, he sounded like a damn croaking frog. (tho not nearly as bad as inquisition, oh my lord.)

not to crap on inquisition either. they have flirted with pro-white stuff too. not sure if they have cucked in response.

all the more reason we need Explicitly Alt Right Music. a black metal band could just be like, yep, i’m alt right, with all the racial stuff that entails.  and i think in the coming years, this is exactly whats gonna happen. and its prob gonna be with younger bands. kinda like how lots of young college kids are getting into the alt right. i think this is AWESOME.

not that older people cant get into the alt right. i sure did. i just wish i had it when I was young like these kids today do! they got LUCKY!

and it really makes you see how the Youth are NECESSARY for the success of any political movement. compare with a bunch of oldfags grumbling on stormfront or vnn or the older WN forums. its not BAD per se, but theres barely any young people, a lot of old people, and a lot of damn LOSERS. we need more WINNERS, and YOUNG people, and YOUNG WINNERS.

I know my place as an Old Loser. So I would fit in very well with stormfront or vnn hahaha. but i dont like being an old loser. i cant change being old, but i can slowly change being a loser. how about getting with a winning pro white team rather than a losing one. go with the strong horse.

if stormfront was really smart, they would get fully on board with TRS, send people over to talk, have don black Reach Out and publicly embrace trs. maybe it could have saved his darn son from becoming a damn sjw. that is sad.

the software used at the new job has a much more….professional dev team than at my old place, where everything was opaque and secret and out of date. here everything is up front, the knowledge base has a lot of pictures, it has a COMMENT SECTION where users can ask questions and request features and report bugs, rather than calling tech support, request a feature, and have it thrown into the memory hole because level 2 is not approving escalation and level 1 is thoroughly confused and flustered and the user can’t talk to people who actually know the program and have power to fix shit. no comments allowed. just a forum where angry users ask confused questions, and the company responds with please call tech support to start a ticket thank you is there anything else i can help you with.

when ideally a level 2 would call them ASAP, escalate a case to development ASAP, and tell the user yes we WILL fix this in 6 months hahahaha.

this new job software, users can talk to Company Level 3’s right on the knowledge base page, AND vote on new features, AND see updates where a feature request is ACTUALLY implemented a few months later! a company giving a real good faith effort to its users rather than trying to pawn them off on confused, underpaid, vastly undertrained level 1’s!!!!!!!! it just looks a lot more professional and ETHICAL.

I still dont understand the software as good as these experienced users making comments tho.

BUT I DONT HAVE TO TAKE CALLS FROM THEM ALL DAY!!!!!!

seeing detailed release notes of here’s what was fixed, here’s the new features, and here’s the original discussion where a user asked for this change. we didnt have anything CLOSE to that before. the users didnt even KNOW about the knowledge base / help articles, and sure couldn’t comment on them. even tech support couldnt comment on them. tech support knew less than the users.

is all tech support like that? i mean everybody is a NEWB at some point. and when youre a newb, you are less experienced than your callers. its what you do.

i dunno. i just never want to take tech support calls ever ever EVER again. maybe 1, 2 hours a day tops.

i dont really have to answer the phone, and i am sitting in the room all day with someone with a masters degree who is an expert in this software. an SME in all areas of this software, who i can simply say hay whats going on here? and they are not chained to their desk or working on 20 cases or trying to help 20 other level 1s. such a 180 degree difference. i wish i had never left for that other job. i learned some good skills and gained some confidence sure…….BUT THEN I LOST IT ALL, and now i am LESS CONFIDENT than EVER before. it was a NET LOSS. I regret ever doing it. the gains were heavily outweighed by the losses. i was in a 3 year rut.

lesson: NEVER take a job in a call center where you have to PULL TEETH to get help…..and you are gonna need help at least 20 times a day. your first line of help is a shitty knowledge base that explains nothing and makes no sense. sigggghhhhh ughhhhhhhhh did you even READ article 82047????? you didnt really read and understand it because you’re still asking me your stupid question, maybe you don’t FIT in this job. no maybe i fooking DONT.

when i was young i didnt understand that Khazar Milkers were a thing. Or that red hair is probably just as common in Joos as it is in Huhwhytes. So when i met a young qt jooish gurl with nice khazar milkers and red hair, i thought i hit the jackpot hahahahaha. found someone really special. WRONG hahahaha.

no im not butthurt about that woman…..any more hahahaha. but at that time 10 years ago i sure was! more like 11, 12 years. i thought i was losing someone of real value. WRONG. hahahaha.

no she wasnt technically a person of no value. but she didnt really WANT to be of value to ME, and she didnt value ME nearly as much as i valued HER. story of muh life with women hahahahaha.

also i’m done with joos hahahaha. NEVER AGAIN.

and its not because of HER…..its because of JOOS as a WHOLE.

you wanna be a good joo? go to 15r43l and STAY there. i cant expect a joo to repudiate being jooish. its just NOT POSSIBLE. itd be like me repudiating being huhwhyte!!!!!!

anyway, today, kids are learning at age 20 what i didn’t learn till age 30. what i wouldnt give to have those 10 years back! those really are the most IMPORTANT years of your life!!!!!

im talking about alt right stuff, especially JQ stuff. it was probably JQ that fully converted me to red pill, WN, alt right. probably the biggest, hardest, most important red pill there is. once you understand the JQ, everything else makes sense. the JQ separates the men from the boys. either you get it or you don’t. the good news is you can learn. i did. and thanks to the alt right, kids are learning now from a good young age!

a comment on an article saying “we had a panicked caller at the service desk today over a related issue, here’s what happened, we are expecting lots more calls on this.” from what sounded like an experienced , level 2 help desk guy. and he has the power to comment on knowledge base (KB) articles, which company software teams actually read and respond to.

THIS IS AMAZING! THIS SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! IM JUST WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP!!!!!!!

rather than level 1 help desk people shouting into the abyss, CAN SOMEONE WHO KNOWS SOMETHING HELP THIS POOR WOMAN! I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING AND she deserves a good faith effort!

seems like a real KAIZEN sort of company hahahahaha. where the previous company most certainly was not. runarounds, excuses, buck passing, we dont have any record of that, call the service desk and start a ticket, it can be fixed, it will be fixed in a future update, just saying that to get them off the phone, with NO assurance from higher ups that YES this really IS a known issue and more importantly, we ARE going to fix it, i PROMISE!!!!!!

this shit is very important to me, and, i imagine, to the average end user. it’s VERY frustrating when its not important to level 2’s and above.

holy FOOK there is a section in the KB article called “FIXED BUGS” and clearly lists the bugs, with a paragraph called EXPLANATION. they give an EXPLANATION and CALL IT an explanation explicitly! here’s how you EXPLAIN this to callers who want an EXPLANATION!!!!!!!!!!!

now i dont work for this company, really no one who uses this software works for that company in-house. you buy access to the software, probably at a highass price. but its good to see they are taking their customers damn seriously, or at least appear to be!

maybe at the last company, we were all in house, the developers, the users, so thats why they felt they could get away with such shitty service. your callers werent the companys CUSTOMERS.

but this is FOOKING STUPID because they’re calling BECAUSE they are trying to serve paying customers, and the company’s in house software is preventing them from doing that! and believe me, many customers WALKED because of stupid shit like this!

the company was LEGIT FAILING. that’s why they had tons of layoffs, because they were losing money, because customers were walking, weren’t coming back! partially because of shit like this! shitty service! so they closed the place where i used to work and laid off all those good people who did HEROIC shit every day because they wanted to help these poor callers, but we were fighting against higher ups all the time! nope just give them the runaround, its too expensive to fix the problem. ignore it.

i’m glad to see the company failing because of this…….but i’m not happy to see all those good people lose their jobs. but the job sucked and they deserve better jobs. REALLY they should have laid off all the upper management and executives and given the level 1’s and prob level 2’s a raise and promoted the good ones to manager, and given them power to actually fix shit and take their callers seriously. to kaizen shit, constantly improve your software and systems, which needed SO MUCH IMPROVEMENT its not even funny.

nope just keep kickign the can down the road and slapping bandaids on a TOTAL CLUSTERFOOK.

so shit yeah i was disgruntled from that place hahahaha.

and i was butthurt at that woman because she wasnt. she was like oh well, whatever, its just a job, dont let it get to you, get out of my life entirely, i dont want you in my life any more.

losing a loved person is a big stressful life event. so is losing your job. so is being in a soul crushing stressful job. and i had all of that going on at once. so that i was in some form of extreme pain for  3 full years. the 3 year rut. i cant believe i am finally starting to get out of it. THANK GOD. yeah also being long term unemployed is very bad for your self respect, self esteem, confidence. 3 year fookin rut man. the past 3 years sucked balls. and i cant believe its finally coming to an end. FINALLY. THANK GOD.

FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, IM FREE AT LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!