dat feel when you are “fasting” till about 1 pm hahaha
drinking coffee and then shart your pantz hahahahaha
nothing too major but you still definitely have to change the drawers.
thinking how the hell would you deal with this if you were at your JOB.
and this is why smart people have an extra pair of drawers in their car or locker just for this very reason.
because i am very very very smart and i still shart muh pantz as a 35 year old grown ass man hahahahaha.
been INTERVIEWING so much I have fallen back in my actually applying to jobs. so, trying to catch up on that today.
also trying to do 16/8 hours in terms of fasting/eating. do all your eating within an 8 hour window.
since i might have a snack around 9 pm tonight, that means i dont want to eat anything till 1 pm.
but i will drink coffee.
ok did 4 applications then ate small breakfast at around 115pm, as i was fasting on a 16/8 intermittent….i already described this hahahahalolololol.
ok ok i think that is enough of that.
its just fookin STUPID and DISGUSTING how what is SUCH A BIG DEAL to an omega kissless virgin, means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the average WOMAN. Not even talking about sluts. but average women are totally COMFORTABLE with the idea of secs, they ENJOY regular secs with their BF’s, they ENJOY regular cuddling and tickling and ASMR whispering, and all of this stuff is SUCH A BIG DEAL to us KV’s, because we have never experienced them before, or are on a 12 year dry spell hahahaha. WOMEN can NEVER know the pain of a 12 year dry spell. i just want them to check their privilege hahahahaha. i’m not saying they shouldnt HAVE this privilege. the privilege makes sense. whats RUSTLING is how they claim not to have it.
i bet its like how it makes Black Activists feel when Whites say that Whites dont have white privilege, white privilege is a MYTH. hahahahaha.
well it is hahahaha.
but female relationship supply privilege is NOT a myth.
they cant even IMAGINE what its like for US, who havent even cuddled with a woman in 12 years;
and we can’t even imagine what its like for THEM, where being in a relationship and having regular cuddles and secs is NOT a weird thing.
hehehehe. thats my point. and that’s why i get rustled when WOMEN offer unsolicited advice to MEN. and really why only MEN can help other men out of this tragic, pathetic, despairing situation.
a woman having secs with her BF and not getting totally nervous about it. just enjoying the secs.
if we have ever had secs, we were extremely nervous about it and never had the chance to really enjoy it, because no woman ever stayed with us long enough so that secs was a regular, consistent thing that you could get comfortable with.
less than .00001% of women know what that’s like, because ALL women have been in long term rels where they had regular secs at least SOME of the time!
which im not saying makes them sluts. it just simply means there was a period in their life where they got regular secs and weren’t nervous about it and enjoyed it, and that is a pretty big thing, and they have a very hard time seeing how its a big thing, because it seems like such a NORMAL thing.
ate breakfast. now the challenge is, dont eat any snacks. dont eat any damn potato chips, dont even have a damn protein shake because even THAT is 180 calories. i will have a tiny snacklike dinner at around 5pm and then have my Big Meal around 9 pm.
which is a terrible time to have your big meal, but this is my social event, and its kinda expected to get food, and this place has very good food.
i just wished women viewed secs as something SPECIAL that you shared only with someBODY special, and didnt just give away to men you just met. i mean shit thats PORNOGRAPHIC. this is how New Life is Created!!!
i am so unmasculine that i look a photos of m1kk0 4sp4 and say damn what an awesome guy, i wish i could meet him one day, and then i notice he has a ring on his finger in 2016 that wasnt there before, and I wonder did some LUCKY LADY nail him down. well i mean yes i hope so, I want MA to marry a nice traditional finnish woman, pref virgin, and have LOTS of kids. he’s done some degen things in his past but he is totally able to make up for them.
when the same jobs pop up on DIFFERENT sites a few weeks later. should i count it as applying for separate jobs? shit yes, because i am spending at least 12 minutes on it hahahaha.
i hope muh buddy MA does get married to a nice finnish tradwife and never goes back to his degen interest in pornography and degradation and humanity is shit, etc. i think he knows by now that HIS people arent shit!
i just dont want him to pick the wrong woman. cuz i fear he has dealt with sluts and skanks in the past. (speculation.) but i want him to MARRY and have CHILDREN with a GOOD decent trad woman.
this is all from seeing a damn RING on his finger in a 2016 photo hahahahaha.
its none of my BUSINESS what he does in his personal life, and he’s not the type to TALK about it either!
i just think he makes great music and does great work, so i want him to be a great person in his personal life. and it was so encouraging to discover that he was big into Nationalism. Since I have been getting big on related topics too, hehehehe.
ok 7 jobs applied, got my daily average back up to 3.0, (7 day) got my 5 day work week average up to 4 per day. ie 21 per week. this is about as good a goal as any. maybe 25 per week hehehe.
shit i will have to apply to about 5 more today just to get to 22 per day. thats how these goddamn AVERAGES work. its difficult to push them even a LITTLE bit. which is appropriate for averages, I think.
see normies would say to me, why the hell dont you get a masters degree if you think youre so smart. you dont belong in the regular world. you belong in the masters degree world. or law or phd or something.
and then those people would say ehhhhh you fall a little bit short here, whyd you fook up in college? you might have been a good Professional, but you fooked up and never really corrected course. now youre in an awkward position.
and i will say yeah i hated school, i thought school was a scam. i tried going back to school a little bit to build REAL job related skills. thats what these 80 credits are right here. Then i got a new job, went crazy, then was in the depths of despair for a year. and here i am now, trying to get out of THAT.
wish there was a better word than “TRADWIFE” for an ACTUAL traditional, decent, good, moral, nonslut wife. because “tradwife” is a joke that means tranny. which is FINE……but what about the “tradwives” who actually ARE women?
i dunno i think some people use it to talk about actual females and we can determine if you are talking about a woman or a man based on context hahahahaha.
avg as 18 minutes for the 7 applications i did TODAY. longest one was 34 minutes. damn.
“A racist used to be someone who hated Blacks. Now, a racist is someone who doesn’t hate Whites.” Dr. David Duke.
I dont even know if DR DUKE said that, but its plausible, and its a great quote. yes i am the type of white racist who likes david duke. i would vote for david duke for senate ALL DAY if I lived in LA. I hope he wins. he’s a bit degen in his personal life, but his white stuff is UNIMPEACHABLE. I def went through a DD phase a few years ago. He made me moar J-wise. Great man, great teacher, go listen to his radio show NOW.
i have no doubt DD loves the White Race as much as I do hahaha. He is just tempted by Secsy Wimmin and Gambling. I mean shit if I had Secsy Wimmin throwing themselves at me, I would be tempted by them too. Plus he was always a handsome and charming man. However I am very curious how his relship is with his children. I know he has at least one child, well by now they are an adult. probably has grandchildren.
using lemon or lime juice and water as a natural deodorant hahahahaha.
new fatherland, and wewlad, looks like jim and bradan are guest hosting the daily shoah while seventh son is on vacation. well looks like i am gonna have to listen to another episode of the daily shoah hahahaha.
yes there is one more that is the coup de grace hahahaha
dont have nearly enough pictures on this blog.
that old friend contacting me reminded me that me and him got/get along really well and i dont have any friends like that in muh life any more. last time I saw him, That Woman was still a part of muh life, and becoming increasingly important to me. in fact i mentioned her to him, like i have this female friend that I get along with really well, and she’s not ugly, and she just broke up with her BF of 4 years, and I SHOULD be in luv with her, but I’m not, I dunno, it’s weird. and then soon after, i was in luv with her.
i mean if i lived in the same town as him, i would be hanging out with him all the time. great guy all around, just top tier man.
but he only lives 60-70 miles away! that is not far!
its too far for me, apparently.
but he is also good about accepting me for the lazy grumpy low energy low effort never lift a finger selfish badfriend that I am, hahahaha.
but yeah with her leaving my life over a year ago, i lost somebody that i felt very close to, and it was a big deal for me at least. point is i was pretty close to him as well, not in a secsy way of course, but we got along really really well in a way that I dont get along with my less close male friends.
welp its all about the 16/8 intermittent fasting nao hahahahah. plan today is dont eat “breakfast” until 1.30 pm. totally doable.
applied for state general office job, 31k a year. not bad right? took 28 minutes on application, way up from the average 12. that average is slowly creeping up lately hahahah. might even get to 13. they asked like 5 or 6 “short answer” questions that thankfully I had saved the same questions and answers from a previous stupid app with this same state dept. which was almost 1 month ago. didnt even get a rejection from them. i suppose they could still call me in for interview. job today was only open for TWO DAYS. the posting I mean. my alerts usually come in after 24 hours. so it was opened yesterday, i found it today, and it closes TOMORROW. wow hahaha. wonder how many apps they will get. 200? certainly 100.
setting goal at 1200 calories a day. before the goal was at like 1450 and that was kinda hard to do every day. and I wasn’t really losing any weight. sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit. takes a LOT of self discipline to limit yourself to 1200. BUT I kinda need some kind of self disclipline!!!!!!
basically, the CONNECTION that i had with that woman, it was special, it was good, and thats what I want to have with the Woman I Marry and Have Children With. A Close, Intimate CONNECTION and Closeness and Intimacy. not something that falls short of what I had with That Woman who Childishly Ran Away from me.
connection, closeness, intimacy. it is VERY important. it is the foundation of TRUE LUV.
if you do a very fast google search on where a company office is located, and you immediate get hit with terrible reviews of the company and their “shady, useless staff”……should you still apply there hahahahaha.
sheeit they say the most powerful vitamin d sunshine is between 11am and 3pm. i usually go for muh long walk around 6 pm. because i hate walking around like a derelict earlier than that. but i might try it today for 1 hour from 2 to 3 pm hehehehe. get some vitamin d. because the vitamin d supplements apparently dont work.
did i mention the sweet admin asst job that rejected me within FOUR HOURS of applying? i mean it looked real good. when I say that, I mean it doesnt seem to involve a call center, and the job description is fairly straightforward, no bullshit, and seems like something i am capable of, and i say HALE YEAH and apply for it ASAP, and mark it with “APPLYYYYYYYYYYY” and apply to it within an hour, if not right that minute.
another thing says between 10 am and 2 pm.
obviously most whites are at WORK during these hours and cant get their vitamin d. also, 66% of the US does not get direct enough sun during the winter to make vitamin d from sun, so you need Cod Liver Oil to help you as it does for the eskimos who get no sun ever. and the samis hahahaha.
so, armed with this SCIENCE IS MY FOOKING AWESOME GOD, I went for 1 hour powerwalk from 1:30 to 2:30 pm. it was already 90 degrees which i Luv. anyway it was great and I regret not doing this on other sunny days because i was too ashamed to be see not working during the workday hahahaha. so i can still do a few more apps today and ive already done FIVE. then took a break and powerwalked and got OFFICIAL sun.
anyway i could tell right away it was different than the sun at 6, 7 pm. totally different. as they said, if you look at your shadow, it looks pretty short. short shadow good, long shadow bad. the sun was almost directly overhead. right above me. 90 degrees. the directness is key. also i am definitely in that 66% of the US that you can only get this during SUMMER.
i figured 1 hour was good enough. dont want to get a BURN. and of course if you use sunblock, you dont get vitamin d.
sun altitude needs to be above 50 degrees. today it got up to 62.7 at 1:30 pm hehehehe for my latitude.
so yeah i got the most of that. ideally i would have not wore a shirt at all hahahahahaha but i wore a “tank top muscleshirt” hahahaha.
11:30 to 3:50 is the times the sun was above 50 today. that is a very short window of time! ive been doing this all wrong!
essentially i am trying to “sunbathe” hehehehe. for mainly vitamin d and some very slight tanning purposes. not to look “tan”, but basically to not look Pasty or Pale. like these sluts that go to the tanning booth. they just look HARRIBLE.
i just want enough sun so i dont look like a pasty neet who never goes outside! becuase i LIKE going outside, most of all during the summer! ie right now!!!!! this is easily my fav time of year and soon it will be over! by the time you read this it will be the middle of february! and hopefully i will be working hahahahaha.
and we will have a new pres inaugurated, hopefully trumpenfuhrer. and hopefully he doesnt sell out the common white working man. but hillary could still win. the past week or so has been protrayed as trumps worst ever. i mean trump may have had a slam dunk in some states, but i really dont think he will in the general election.
june and july are best months for over 50 degree sun. aug is ok. sept is surprisingly bad. october is no chance.
yeah well what do you get from 45 degree sun? anything?
like in september there is barely any time to get the useful sun. the UVB rays. the UVA are the bad ones. UVB only breaks thru above 50 degrees. UVA can still get you tan but they also give you cancer.
i wonder how many cox these totally qt volleyball gurls are taking at the olympics. i mean shit their fathers can accompany them and keep them from whoring it up. also some athletes are Married or Committed. and so they should uphold their commitment to their BF by not CHEATING on them while they are at the olympics.
just in case i ever get into a committed real with a beautiful 20 year old olympic athlete gurl hahahahahaahah.
ok. 7 job apps. AND an hour powerwalk in the peak vitamin D sun, all before 5 pm. the sun gave a bit of noticeable tanning as well. much more than many hours out at 6 and 7 pm. lesson: the 1pm sun is EXPONENTIALLY stronger.
the bitch on this american pickers (jooers) would be very good looking if she did not have all those god damn degenerate tattoos! she is obviously a tattoo aficionado. and it is sad. because she is a physically healthy and very attractive 8+/10…..and then she defiles her body with a SHITLOAD of RIDICULOUS tats. which indicates SEVERE emotional disturbance. CRAY CRAY. total cheater, mudshark, bipolar, borderline.
no father would let their daughter do that. unless the father was himself a tatted up freak. good chance of it. probably a biker or some shit.
BIKERS DO NOT MAKE GOOD FATHERS.
This one gurl I briefly liked, and was a crazy mudshark slut, her father was a biker and he was also a deadbeat and not present at all, which largely led to her becoming a crazy mudshark slut. good job friendo.
it can still be hot as hell and you can still get skin cancer and sunburn at like 5 pm….butyou wont get any of the useful UVB at that time! ridiculous! it really is not intuitive.
so. say you are applying and bla bla health care revenue cycle managed services inc for job a, you attach your packet for it.
then, 5 minutes after applying, you find job b with same company. you delete packet a from being “associated with the candidate record” and then upload packet B, which of course is very similar, just with a very words changed.
so what do THEY see when they look at your submission for job a? do they see packet B? do they see nothing?
of course they wont TELL you, they just throw your shit in the garbage where it belongs hahahaha.
so now my official policy is, keep uploading a new packet for every job, and give it a filename accordingly, until the system says you cannot upload any more. then delete the oldest one.
the things we do to get a 14 an hour job!
in the good old baby boomer days, it was assumed that you would be trained on the job for every job. NOW that assumption has shifted entirely: its not the COMPANY’s responsibility to train you anymore, its YOUR responsibility to TRAIN yourself.
it has been hard for me to accept this since in muh family and muh upper working class community, the boomer previous generations who raised us, they were in the Company Trains You world, and the next generation, Us, We are in the You Train Yourself at Great Expense world, and yeah you can get a little assmad about it. like how come I gotta do all this extra work just to get what you didn’t have to do ANY extra work for?
because joos. and you can either accept it and make some money to try to create your own strong white world, or you can complain and let da joos assraep you without putting up a fight.
359 days since i sent The Last Email to her. Aug 17th is the big one year no contact anniversary. maybe i should celebrate. yes i really should.
aw sheeeit that goddamn healthcare company essentially keeps positing the same jobs every 3-4 weeks, and i keep applying to them, only they use a different requisition number, but its basically the same job. I never get called. I have to wonder, are they actually hiring people? or is this one of those PHANTOM JOBS? that will just get posted every 3 weeks over and over and over again, getting 60000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 applications, allowing them to maintain a pool of the 100 best people of all time? which they prob wont do because its too much work. no time. time is money wagie! we can’t afford to schedule more part time hours to do that task!
like this fooking hospital. EVERY job they post is part time. like fooking nursing jobs, medical assistant, stuff you need an education for. getting a full time days job there is impossible.
i mean there are .7 FTE jobs and midnights jobs and PRN jobs and Rotating Shift jobs. i am thankful i am just not that DESPERATE yet!
ok did a 3.6 powerwalk. 6.6 total today hehehe.
listened to that scottish 34 year old virgin with the phd who lives with his parents and cant get a job and has sent out hundreds of applications and gone on…..only 5 interviews as far as i can tell. well i have done 13 interviews and sent out 350 applications and nothing mother fooker so i am better than u virgin hahahahaha.
no i kid. i am totally on this guys side. totally. 100%.
he finds the silver lining in that he has very few expenses, he doesnt need much, he doesnt want much, he doesnt spend anything, he doesnt have some soul crushing job, and he doesnt have some bitchy GF sucking him dry.
that last bit sounds pretty mgtowy in the worst way and was the only thing i disagreed with.
when i was at “rock bottom” one of the few things that gave me hope was the idea that i was part of something larger, something greater, namely, the beautiful white race. and maybe ONE DAY I would be able to add to that white race and help it live into the future by having white children of my own. i saw the entirety of the White Race throughout history and how I was part of something beautiful and sacred. i might be unable to survive independently, support myself, find a woman, get married, have children…..but i could support other white families, add to white survival in other ways other than having children.
IDEALLY, having children is the BEST way……but theres still OTHER things I can do. also, not all whites who have white children are race conscious AT ALL. and would just as soon get knocked up by a white biker, then get knocked up by tyrone the black thug. OR the children are swpl marxist hipsters and they teach their children that race is a social construct.
but yeah basically Race gave me some security, stability, confidence, and a sense of BEAUTY when I really needed all these things. when the world was a lonely, ugly, brutal, loveless place. when no job would hire me and no woman would hang out with me.
You can take muh life, but you can never take muh whiteness!
COME HOME, WHITE MAN.
it really was a big thing for me, and I recommend it to all white neets and losers and virgins. it grounded me and fixed my nihilism problem hehehehe.
You dont need to believe in nothing when you are WHITE!
now, white winners and normies will say this is sad and pathetic, and i’m CLEARLY becoming a racist because I have no real accomplishments of my OWN. and theyre not even really WRONG!
but I feel absolutely no guilt about being a white racist or about loving whites. It feels good and pure, like the love you have for GOD or a WOMAN or your FAMILY. It’s seriously on that level. and how can that be a bad thing???!?!?!?! ITS NOT!!!!!!!
women never will understand this. it doesnt matter. just find a woman who hasn’t been with a nonwhite, marry her, get some white babies out of her, and THEN she will probably understand, and never go black.
but yeah. women are not loyalty to their MEN, they are loyal to their CHILDREN, IF they are loyal to ANYONE. And MANY of them are NOT EVEN LOYAL TO THEIR CHILDREN!
again, it all starts with their fathers. The better the father, the more loyal a woman will be to her boifran or to her children.
in other words, i should have stayed away from that woman as soon as I learned she didnt have a real father. which i learned quite early.
BUT I did kind of build a BIT of a wall. I could feel her wanting to get close to me, and I was thinking, you have a boifran, and also you dont have a father, and I dunno. I will be friendly and nice and talk to you but I’m not gonna let you all the way in. we’re not gonna hang out every single week.
of course as time went on……..i was like well we get along SO WELL! and she’s SO NICE! she turned out SO WELL despite not having a father! and NOW she’s single!!!! she would be a great GF! and she’s going out with a black sleazebag so quickly after ending a 4 year rel, her first serious rel???? WTF????? Why not me????
so yeah you can see my train of thought.
but obviously IT WASNT MEANT TO BE. not even a little bit.
hard to say if we can trace that back to the no father being the root cause. IT CERTAINLY DIDNT HELP.
i dunno if i should argue for increased dose of citalopram tomorrow when i see dr. id just as rather argue for not seeing them every 6 months, but instead every 9 or 12 months.
i mean i am of the thought that i am basically untreatable and i need all the help i can get. the main thing that cures me will be Lifestyle Changes leading to Actual Success….and I haven’t gotten there yet, so keep throwing increased dose and also regular shrink sessions at it. shrink once every 3 weeks, and gradually increasing citalopram. why not. i mean im not getting younger and i am pretty far behind. need all the help i can get.
i have gotten a lot better about doing Job Search Work…….and its gotten me 13 interviews………but it hasnt gotten me an actual JOB yet. and then once i GET a job, I will damn sure want as much citalopram as possible to keep me from having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN and SNAPPING.
because when I had muh Nervous Breakdown with the Job and the Woman, I had also run out of muh paxil.
but i feel that was a coincidence rather than causation.
i mean basically a large cause of the despair is my own sense of being a failure at accomplishing things meaningful to me: namely, with jobs and women. i just want the american dream of a 14 an hour job that doesnt drive me totally crazy, and also a 7/10 approx 25 year old tradwife that’s been with no more than 3 guys, whites only, hahahahahahaha.
and i will feel a sense of despair until I achieve those Major Life Goals.
i mean OTHER PEOPLE have acheived these things before age 25. why shouldnt I hahaha.
they say dont compare yourself to other people. i see their point, BUTTTTTTT…….
ITS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO.
Because you see average normies, not super geniuses, but just average normal normies achieving the fairly modest things that you want to achieve. i’m not asking for the best. I’m just asking for 14 an hour job, not to go crazy, a 7/10 wife, 25 years old, less than 4 guys, whites only.
MAYBE THAT IS TOO MUCH TO ASK!!!!!!!!!!!