THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE

july 5

found some Grade A job postings, which is kinda rare, most jobs are B- or B. Grade A you actually CARE about not making any mistakes. so should I do those super fast to try to keep my Average down?

well, don’t waste time but dont necess RUSH like a spazz either?

completed careerbuilder apply in 9 minutes. QUICK. why cant they all be like that?

just like a damn bag of meat. we are all bags of meat. like that damn tool video hahahaha. or nine inch nails. where they open up this pipe and there is this disgusting meat slowly pushing through it like shit through a colon haha.

women complain about men watching porn, well the things women DO are WAY MORE degenerate! whats worse, some pathetic neet whacking off to jooish filth (yeah that is pretty bad, but not in any way the women understand) or the women actually going out and being Living Pornography to some sleazebag?

well, in both cases you are making a mockery of something sacred. but its worse when women do it because they can get pregnant. also it actually involves two people. and not just one pathetic man whacking off to j00ish filth.

because youre involving MORE than one person and making an even WORSE mockery of the life creation process. arguably hahaha.

like a person who wahcks off to pron all the time can still grasp the importance of actual secs. i did! even though i watched WAY TOO MUCH pron, i still didnt view actual secs in that way. I was nervous because I was like holy shit, THIS IS HOW BABIES GET MADE, so i am nervous about that, and also im nervous because ive never done this before. and how soon is SHE gonna dump me. pretty damn soon as it turned out hahaha.

went to shrink. mainly talked about job search. also try to talk a little bit about THAT PERSON. I figure better to call her that PERSON instead of that WOMAN because NOT ALL WOMEN are like that hahahaha.

i said i hate thinking i was a bad influence on that person, while she was a good influence on me.

shrink responded that she prob didnt think i was a bad influence, like a druggie or a loser, like the people she cut out of her life for being druggies and drunks and losers. i hated thinking i was a loser like them. especially since i am prone to think of myself as a loser anyway.

shrink said if anything i was one of the better influences in her life! but she dumped me because SHE didnt know how to HANDLE the situation! NOT because I was a loser!

and also, she was positive to me, but she was ALSO VERY negative to me. there was SO MUCH NEGATIVE hehehe.

here is what muh new spreadsheet looks like, just for educational purposes. those top rows are frozen. i am adding new stuff to the top of the list and just adding more rows as needed. the link is to the google stopwatch. not really needed.

WEWLAD

ALSO try to look up jobs for companies on LINKEDIN. like this bigass robotics company i could not find at all on indeed. have many jobs listed on linkedin,where i can see that plenty of alums from my highly selective univ are currently employed. probably engineers making 90k a year, having grad from muh highly selective u’s engineering skool like I shold have done……

also found a treasure trove of hospital jobs that i wasnt getting because they were posted too long ago but they are still open. when i worked at my until 2013 easy fun job, i worked with a nice friendly man around my age and we got along well. he complained about his bitchy sister who ended up getting a “super easy job” at this hospital. i of course asked him, tell me about that job, i want one too. I could never get the exact title from him, dont think he knew. well i stalked the whole family on linkedin recently and found her job title there. and find that there are like 5 positions with that title. bla bla analyst. they IDEALLY want a CS bachelors (NO, not customer service ya moron!) but if his party gurl airhead sister can get this job, any ingra with a pulse can.

looks like his brother is doing a similar job.

i dont know about the guy himself. cant find him on linkedin. he had some health problems that impacted his working life and he could very well probably get SS disability. but he was a real nice guy and we got along real well and I sometimed wish I had become friends with him hahaha. I still sometimes think about what he is doing. cuz he is gonna have even harder time than me. but he had a similar work ethic as me: he didnt want to K himself being a bitch for Joos hahahaha and just wanted to do an honest job for honest pay, that wasnt all sales or ALL customer service. i know he would have not enjoyed the call center hehehehe. neither did i friendo.

but yeah of COURSHE bla bla robotics is not gonna post jobs on INDEED, they need to showcase their CAREERS on LINKEDIN. sheeeeit. might as well look for a facebook developer job on snagajob.com hahahaha.

and i am not talking about poo in loo indian contractors making 1 dah in bangalore to flag offensive content. i am talking about asian americans with top stem degrees, in san jose making 200k a year Managing Projects.

july 6

welp big interview tomorrow. compliance specialist! I dont even know what that IS! I applied for many other jobs at this large multidepartmented institution of higher education hehehe. why couldnt one of the OTHER jobs have called me for an interview?

i guess the good lord likes testing/torturing me with confusing shit hahaha.

unfort Seeming Confused is the worst way to get a job. you have to be confident and very competent, or at least SEEM that way, which is hard for me, who has been Unemployed for a Year and Hasnt Made Out with a Woman in 10 Years hahaha.

pay band STARTS at 49k? and this guys an ACCOUNTANT and he decided to call ME for an interview? are people really THAT bad at “Talent Acquisition?” apparently. the office is full of what sounds like black women hahahaha. i guess this place is HUGE on Diversity in the Workplace. probably a reason why a fooking white male cant get a job there unless they are AWESOME, which unfort i am not.

oh well. go to the damn interview and present a confident demeanor like trumpenfuhrer1433.

there is a FOOKLOAD of carbs and sugar in coca cola and other soda hehehehe. it might not have as many calories as you might think, but the carbs and sugar are ridiculous. absolutely off the charts. i say this because i was brought a soda at muh social event and since the new year i have essentially given up soda, just getting water, and always specify water unless they bring me a darn soda. i also went way over the top eating a damn huge burger. it was a good burger but it was so heavy and calorie laden hehehe totally rekt muh diet and also disturbed muh sleep at night. NEVER AGAIN!

daniel radcliffe is playing a skinhead neo nazi hollywood nazi 1433 crowd in “imperium” which normies will never recognize as the title of yockey’s seminal book hehehehe and which i doubt the j00vie goes into any detail about

heh updated spreadsheet to have a goal of 400 jobs. now i have a percentage meter that creeps up by 0.25% whenever I finish one job app hahaha.

well THANK GOD for this spreadsheet, and giving me the idea to use this spreadsheet, because its made the job search a teensy bit more bareable, which I kinda needed. to get to god damn 400 jobs. even doing 10 a day that’s still 40 days.

but really at 14 minutes an app, I should be doing at LEAST 20 a day. so now that’s 20 days. hmmm.

and i know all this because of the spreadsheet.

ridic interview tomorrow, I found out SOME info about their “ecommerce marketplace” system and their software bla bla so I will make it sound like i did some homework. Will state the basical account equation and shit abotu debits and credits.

heh this was just in muh youtube window.

this could be good. apparently it is “blasphemy worship” and this might be the band that led up to teitanblood. maybe. could be confusing another “P” band.

i dunno they did a split with teitanblood, who seems more grim and serious. they are both from madrid area.

anyway i guess i just like that aesthetic. that type of artwork with black and white skeletons and goats and red band logo. and this album cover always stuck with me (above.)

or i could have been thinking of THIS album cover hahahahahahahaha

I woke up in the middle of the night with muh tummy hurt from eating too many hamburgers hahahaha and thought wow, i have literally failed at everything every. i am the real master of failure. everything i tried i have failed. everything important to me i have failed at. all the important things of life: women, relationships, friends, jobs, career, education, i’ve more or less failed at. i drank some pepto bismol and thankfully was able to get back to sleep.

and do a paltry 5 applications today. down to a darn 13 minute average but i fully expect that to go as high as 17 haha. 21 jobs in the spreadsheet so far.

shaved scruffy beard in anticipation of interview tomorrow.  electric shaver always misses some hairs so you need to go back and do it twice hahaha.

want to go for powerwalk here.

ok, did that, listened to some blasphemy and ritual killer and then new fatherland.

the blasphemy album is good fun despite not being able to discern any riffs. great “atmosphere” of wild raucous drunken evil blasphemy hahaha. but you can only listen to about 14.33 minutes at a time tops haha. because they dont seem like real actual songs.

i will lie and tell them tomorrow that I have a 30% chance at getting the nursing home payroll job, and also a 30% chance of getting the education/training center job. hehehehe.

is it this hard for other people? do they too have such a HARD TIME adapting to their jobs, doing their jobs……and getting the jobs? do they have to also apply to 400 jobs? do they have just as good of a system as me? with alerts ad spreadsheets and shit? 10 page packets to every posting? maybe thats WHY I’m only getting a 5% interview rate. WELL, no packet seemed to be about the SAME. I figure the Packet gives them more information IF THEY WANT IT. (references, letters of recommendation, unofficial transcripts.) in addition to the standard cover letter. also have a long resume in there of coursh.

and that person just finds a new job in a month. probably just yes to one of the RECRUITERS calling her looking for a body to stick in a seat. and she probably just say ok its just a job, it doesnt have to be FUN, it’s just take it until i can find something better, not the end of the world LOL. at least I have muh weed and all these men to play with hahahahaa.

whereas i am intentionally trying to stay away from phone jobs because the very word still strikes extreme fear in my heart. and i would rather go from 15 DAH to 12 DAH to not have to experience that again.

i have very low confidence but i still think i am smarter than average people. like average people doing average jobs. my prev job was tough as hell and these people were smarter than you thought. and I was STILL smarter than them. also it doesnt make you SMART when information is hidden and you have the “SILO MENTALITY”. where there are secrets and shit. that doesnt make you DUMB when you arent privy to the SECRETS.

of course its easier to learn the secrets when you are a 25 year old woman and everyone wants to fook you or marry you hahahaha.

i might not be smart as some autistic engineer, but im no idiot, am i?!?!?!?!?! why cant I just get a damn 14 dollar an hour job? or 12 dollar an hour full time mon thru fri 9 to 5 job?  not some “casual” “rotating shift” “no guaranteed hours” “this position is not intended for someone who wants health care benefits” 9.50 an hour 30 hour a week job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what do the power lifting skinheads in blasphemy do to make their 14 dollars an hour?

they probably dont and are on canadian disability and welfarebux hahaha and then spend the money on booze and drugs and come out with one album of unintelligible “songs” every 15 years hahahaha.

kinda hard to believe that the orlando shooting has already gone out of the news cycle hehehe. like was the guy really a homo hehehe or was that all just speculation and rumors.

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