WOMEN USED TO BE AGAINST G4Y MARRIAGE

…AND THEY CAN BE AGAINST THEM AGAIN,

is the point I was trying to make with that.

basically women are sheep that go along with the Tone set by their President hahaha. So since we have a marxist president who is all i luv gays and hate whites, normie basic women luv gays and hate whites.

you think it was like that when Ronnie Reagan was in office? OR Tricky Dicky? HELL NO!

I….dont really remember the W years. Well, during the W years I was a filthy marxist who luved gays and hated whites!!!!!!!!!!!! And I am sorry. I am SO glad to be over that horrible phase.

july 3

had to put this one in here, kinda sums up the strengths of ritual killer. i wish sammy just incorporated this into his main band.

i think its useful to think of “bestial war black metal” when trying to put this band in context. i am still not 100% sure what that phrase even means but let’s just say it means raw, hateful, fast, somewhat “old school”, relentless etc. ugly, hateful, maybe like teitanblood or this band revenge i’ve heard a lot of good things about.

http://rateyourmusic.com/customchart?page=1&chart_type=top&type=album&year=alltime&genre_include=1&genres=War+Metal&include_child_genres=t&include=both&limit=none&countries=

War Metal

now ritual killer is not categorized by RYM as war metal but I think a good case could be made!

axis of advance? james read? conqueror? blasphemy? sacramentary abolishment?

seems like for people who want to combine death and black metal but not in a “pussy” way hahahaha.

it is exactly the type of thing i wanted to make when i was 16 hehehe. rebel against the world sort of stuff. very hatefully.

just looking at the list of band names, album titles, album art gives you a pretty good idea.

i listened to the first ritual killer and it was so muddy sounding it was hard to enjoy. the second album, which ive been listenind to a lot of, has a much better enjoyable sound.

also it has tons of catchy riffs, all the songs are made of catchy riffs rather than a fuzzy, muddy, samey wall of sound, which i dont want. i want catchy heavy riffs. not people who got falling down sloppy drunk and decided to write the most extreme music ever about blasphemousgoatsodomybloodwhiskeyvomit. i like more fascist stuff about war and jackboots marching and mass graves and survival of the fittest with violent, fast, but catchy riffs, that aren’t so muddy that they stop being really heavy or catchy.

need something a LITTLE more serious that cares about songs and riffs. obviously i trust sammy d to do this! and it basically makes goatwh0re look safe and polished and vanilla and has more atmosphere than latter day GW imho, who while enjoyable…..i like something a little more extreme and underground.

but i like that the second RK album is much clearer and less muddy than the first album. clearer but still raw and face ripping. it captures my hatred and rage very nicely hahaha so i have been listening to it regularly and enjoying it more and more.

yes they are degenerates hehehe.

i imagine the Mosh Pit for Ritual Killer would be ridiculous as fook, ideally.

might just be the record of the…..season for me hehehehe.  summer 2016.

more extreme and underground and poseur-slaying than goatwh0re, which look like nickelback by comparison hahahaha.

it absolutely is related to blast beats. goatwhore has cut down on blast beats and RK has plenty of them. in every song. also a little rawer in production, yet still very heavy. wish i could say the same about the first album, which on the first listen, is just too muddy. much harder to enjoy the riffs. i never liked muddy.

this looks possibly promising

seems like goatwh0re is lumped in with “blackened death metal for poseurs” like behemoth or belphegor. or Babbys First blackened Death metal, then if youre Tr00, you graduate to more kvlt stuff like this WAR metal hehehe.

heh i should be a metal producer obviously. then i would be like hay guise you know your riffs are boring and stupid, why dont you try a little harder and bring me something GOOD.  dont you have any PRIDE in your WORK? you do WORK thats this shitty at your JOB? then your customers and your managers should be BITCHING at your constantly because this is SHIT and you shoudlnt be getting PAID for this! have some PRIDE in your WORK! You’re a white man aren’t you? Youre not an ingra are you? How can you think this shit is GOOD? You want a PRIZE for taking a disgusting tacobell shit? you present that to someone youre trying to IMPRESS and say gimme praise and plaudits for this SHITE?!?!?!?!

 

this is not a WAR METAL album but it comes close to what I am looking for, and I think even WAR METAL purists would agree that this album should get an honorable mention. Angelcorpse is about as KVLT as it gets and everyone agrees they were ahead of their time in combining death and black metal with ferocious speed and violence and aggression and hatefulness hehehehe. I particularly remember this album because I was very into metal in 1999 and they played some of this on the local Underground Metal Radio Show that ran once a week, broadcast out of a local high school. that was kind of a big Cultural Thing, considering we didnt Stream Shit on the Internet back then. You had to tie up your momz phone line for an hour to download a 30 second darkthrone clip hahahaha. this radio show was where i first heard this album, also the death album “sound of perserverance” which came out around that time, uhhh i heard hypocrisy “the final chapter”, some in flames possible “whoracle”, deicide “serpents of the light”. and well 17 years later its this angelcorpse which still sounds the most exxxxtreme hehehe.

at the time i was like WOW that’s just too much for me, i couldn’t take a whole album of that hehehehe. but I never forgot about it.

of courshe pete helmkamp has a VERY good reputation with his 14 bands, I am sure I would find other good stuff if I stuck with him.

so what skills ARE employers looking for, that they cant fill jobs, but there are thousands of long term employed out there? ok i get that you have to put forth the THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS and THOUSANDS OF HOURS to TRAIN YOURSELF by paying for long collegelike training programs, because companies arent gonna do that FOR you……but how and where do you take like robotics training classes?

so and so took a robotics training course and immediately found a job making 18 bucks an hour.

i bet he has had secs in the last 12 years too hahahaha.

did you have to pay 14k dollars for 1000 hours of training so you could be qualified to enter a 14 dah hvac tech job, in 1980?

gotta smoke MJ and listen to WAR metal

so this is revenge playing live. sometimes they have the aforementioned helmkamp playing with them. but not on this show. the drummer j read has a reputation as a beast. he also plays with axis of advance and conquest and prob some other bandz. ok the guitar player was also in axis of advance. so revenge is kinda a contiuation of that band.

anyway i guess that would be a fun show.

i hate looking at job postings and thinking “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.” asking for 2 to 3 to 5 years of experience in something i have NO idea what it is.  that i have never heard of in my life. just to get a 14 dollar an hour job. and the ingras at macdonalds want 15 an hour!

or 80% of jobs dont even list a wage or salary. i think this is stupid because they could easily dissuade people like me from applying for a job by saying it pays liek 45k. then i wont even APPLY.

so THEN you have to look at Glassdoor and look up that job in your area and then you get a HUGE range and of course you should look at the minimum.

and be aware if this is a “contingent” or “flex” or “casual” or “noncareer” or “support” or “as needed” or “PRN” or “floating” position. because then you might get paid 15 an hour, but you wont get any bennies, and you sure as hell wont get a regular schedule.

went for 4.6 mile walk, listened to ritual killer, axis of advance, and angelcorpse.

the axis of advance (obey) was pretty ridiculous. yeah that james read is a beast and I liked the natural, untriggered sound of the drums. but I couldnt tell if he was playing slightly sloppy, or really, really good hehehehe. no doubt he is ambitious. but is he punching above his weight? a rockstar only in his own mind? or is he actually good? i think he is actually good, but I am so used to hearing fast drummers be all overproduced, and his wheelhouse is perhaps underproduced. which is my wheelhouse too. but the guitars are very low tuned and muddy. and i have a hard time with muddy. anyway it was fun just to listen to him spazz out. you gotta have a real hardon for drumz like I do, cuz it is hard to discern the riffs.

as i was walking around i saw alot of people partying around the neighborhood because it is 4th of july weekend. so i felt lonely and wished i had some frands to do something fun with on 4th of july hehehe maybe even a special woman to spend time with, certainly many other people are spending the holiday with their frands and special wimmin.

but at the moment i am distant from all muh frands. the only person i feel like being close with is HER…..and i havent talked to her in a YEAR! even muh frands i am not really close with.

http://hyken.com/customer-experience-2/customer-service-dont-know/

the customer service GURU shep hyken, what do you mean you never heard of him, then you dont deserve to make 20k a year! i dont care if hes a joo if he can help me SURVIVE and WITHSTAND at muh horrible cust service job! you think that woman has ever read anything liek this?!/!/1/1 hell no she just sucks dicks and says someone else do this idk lol just go with the flow slurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp daddys cvmmies!!!!1

http://workplace.stackexchange.com/questions/56636/how-do-you-respond-to-a-customer-when-you-cant-answer-their-question

listened to the angelcorpse album above, forgot how the guitar is “Phasery” and seems to go whooooosh in and out, which kind of reminds me of morbid angel “covenant” which is also a good album, but that guitar sound is weird. it sounds better when there is fast tremolo picking or noisy squealing solos. in other places it sounds very clean and not very heavy. kinda weird.

but the drums are insane out of this world! great drum performance here by tony laureano, great drum sound too. one for the ages. classic. the guy is a BEAST.

heh. i guess besides playing with 20 million death and black metal bands, he is also drum tech for megadeth and has recently been playing live with megadeth, but dave mustaine just hasnt found out who this guy really is, and also that he possibly played with satanic groups, which dave does not like now that hes a born against cuckstian hahahaha. but i think would be funny if laureano plays with megadeth the same way he plays on this angelcorpse album hehehehe. ie face melting blast beats.

real fookin interesting amirite? who cares hahahaha.

so. 30 to 40 years ago the normal woman would have just SCOFFED at Gay Marriage in a way that would now be considered Totally Literally Homophobic. They would go EW GROSS UM NO. NO JUST NO. UM YEAH NO.

But now they view you as a Bigot if you are not a Gay Cheerleader!

It’s tempting to see this as a sign that women are Morally Weak.

well…..when realyl what it is, is they Go Along With The Mainstream. They are the world’s worst conformists.

In other words, if we had a Trumpenfuhrer or more Right Wing administration in office, I GUARANTEE you normie women wouldnt be CHEERLEADING gays so much. and that can happen in just a few short years.

in other words, though the woman-hating part of you might say, LOOK AT THESE ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING DEGENERATE WOMEN, WOMEN ARE INHERENTLY DEGENERATE, INFERIOR SCUM, DISGUSTING!!!!

I say SLOW DOWN, CALM YER TITS. yes women are herd lemming sheep and this can lead them into the mouth of degeneracy, but as long as they dont open their wombs to 10 different men, then i bet the SAME women who do stupidass Facebook Rainbow Flagtivism, would, under Better Leadership, sing the praises of One Man One Woman and the Tradfam.

anyway tony laureano might play in more of a controlled, accurate manner than j read, but j read is definitely more violent and aggressive. i bet laureano is one of those guy who looks like he’s barely moving as he plays br00tal 300 bpm blasts hehehe. NOT THAT THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. but j read really embodies the idea of ATTACKING the drums, his word not just mine. And referring to himself as the “HATEHAMMER”. I have to wonder how serious they are about this “Superion” thing. It is a very darwinist, weed out the week, might is right, ragnar redbeard sort of view combined with very hateful humanity-hating misanthropy which seems kinda nihilistic. I imagine it HAS to be somewhat of an act, and I do like the act, but I wonder if these guys aren’t alcoholic degenerates in real life, heheheehhe.

whereas pete helmkamp has his “heretic supremacy” and “way of the conqueror” which is similar, but he actually seems like a normal guy who has a sense of humor and a wife and I would BET is less degenerate personally. than 45 year old men that talk about hateful violence and power and dominating and exterminating the weak and seem very humorless hehehehehe.

they see no point to kindness or luv or goodness and praise evil because it is destructive and destroys the weak bla bla bla. it is about as hardcore of an image as like early mayhem or some shit. i mean i hope for the sake of their SOULS they are not like this in real life.  because i do not like seeing talented white men not having children, or wasting their lives on nihilism and drugs.

yes i know there is a BLACK guy in the black metal band blasphemy, which is kinda the godfather of this whole “ross bay cult” scene which revenge and conquerer and j read is a part of. i guess they hang out in graveyards and do blood ritual and they are black metal “skinheads”. very interesting scene I only recently became aware of.

near victoria and maybe vancouver. sheeit I just thought the town was full of FOB Asians hahaha.

this is the album that started it all. black metal skinheads. they also like POWERLIFTING hehehe. one guy went to the psych ward. another went to jail for punching out a cop and now they cant come to the US hahaha. apparently somebody K’d themself at one of their shows. their shows are legendary and turn into full blown riots.

you probably have to be drunk or st0ned to enjoy it hahahaha i have  not even listened to it.

also i am confused that there is a Black guy in the band (“Caller of the Storms”). Well he seems truly into it so good for him.

“THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY.”

well whats HER side of the story?

probably that I got out of control, too weird, too much to handle, and she just couldnt handle me being so damn weird and overbearing and was better off without me. sometimes it reaches a point where you decide taht your life would be better without a certain person in it.

well i say that works for the best when both parties agree on that. i desperately wanted her to stay in my life because she made my life WAY better. and I made HER life WAY worse. heartbreak waiting to happen.

it just sucks when you make someones life worse, and THEY make your life better, and they kick you out of their life because you make their life worse. with absolutely NO regard to the pain that causes you. like you can SAY something like “now, dont take this the wrong way, im not kicking you out of my life because you make my life worse, its not your FAULT, its just that I cant do this rel, I dont have what youre looking for, im sorry.” nope you dont even get that.

uhh maybe click on the topmost link int he indeed list so when you reload the page when you get up the next day, you can see where the list ended the last time you looked at it, the visited link will show up as purple.

you can also use advanced search to filter out agencies.

i have not filtered them out, but i kind of want to.

but there will definitely be come a time where I dont want to filter them out. when I am moar desperate haha.

is there any “WAR METAL” made by Purely Nondegenerate Fascists? This WAR METAL is obviously linked with Fascism, but Tr00 fascists are not tattooed, drunkard degenerates who hate everything. They love their race and maybe their nation. they have a RaHoWa to bring abotu these glorious ideals. they are not glorifying destruction and death itself. They glorify the TRIUMPH of The Good Guys and the destruction of The Bad Guys.

so yeah while i like the tough guy shit of j read and revenge, i want something a bit more……i dunno. “serious”? Its hard to say they arent SERIOUS. well how about Less Degenerate? people who live up to rigorous Character standards.

ok skinheads used to represent The White Working Class, then got coopted by neo nazi gangs and fat skinhead rednecks. degenerates on meth and booze.

so……how about we get principled, non-degen, non-tattooed, drug-free, working-class, family men skinheads?

well dressed, well spoken, no tattoos, but still have short hair and working class jobs.

in other words, dont look like the ETERNAL ADOLESCENTS which is what METAL is. talk about ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT hahahaha.  and i am NOT talking about the j00ish tv show!

so….fascist war metal played by fine upstanding fashy goys who are well-groomed skinheads? i guess.

fascist war metal played by people that look like a fascist martial industrial neofolk band hahahaha.

just look how they use the WORD “fascist”: like “bigot” or “racist” or “pedophile”, its used as a SYNONYM for bad evil horrible person. which of course a paedophile IS…but NOT a bigot or a racist!

got to reclaim words like fascist, bigot, racist!

someone calls you racist, you say THANK YOU!

or you say SO WHAT? is that supposed to be a BAD thing? Shit YEAH Imma Raciss!

though the guys in ritual killer are a bunch of tattooed degenerates, i was happy to see them in some pictures holding Huge Guns, like very intimidating AR15 type guns. This generally sends the message that you are one of the Good Guys hahahaha.

white men who buy AR15’s are probably the type of people you want to be hanging out with. well just watch out cuz your tradwife might LEAVE YOU for them hahahaha.

basically metal that could be played during “TRIUMPH OF THE WILL.”

You seriously need to watch TRIUMPH OF THE WILL on a weekly basis. I need to watch it a lot more. I havent seen it in YEARS. I recall it being very uplifting and powerful. I should watch more of leni riefenstahl’s stuff. is it any good? she is a woman!!!!!!

yeah i had a fantasy about smonking MJ and cuddling up with That Woman and watching triumph of the will……or ANY movie or TV really. the main idea was smokin MJ and Cuddling while watching something. all the better if it were something GOOD like TRIUMPH OF THE WILL, THE BEST MOVIE EVAR.

HAIL VICTORY!!!!!!!!!

this is the sentiment that is missing in some of the hail destruction and death and get drunk metal hehe. we are, or at least the nondegenerate of us, are STRIVING towards a GOAL. towards a huhwhyte ethnostate with healthy huhwhyte families. where our women are not degenerate wh0res and our men are not sissy neet phaggot losers.

i listened to some of that blasphemy, it was ok, it actually was not as bad as I thought it would be hehehe. the production was ridiculous and I could not discern any of it. Really you just need to play it LOUD, which simply cant be done on headphones. again, i’m sure live is the best way to experience it.

which reminds me. like 7 or 8 years ago I saw the kvlt death thrash satanic metal band NUNSLAUGHTER which is i guess kinda related to the idea of drunken degenerates hailing satan and goats and vests covered in patches and they swill beer and headbang and act like big drunken children hahaha.

anyway I never really cared for nunslaughter on record, but live they were excellent and put on an outstanding show, even though I didnt really know any of their songs except the one where the singer says “I AM DEATHHHHHH” or something hahahaha.

anyway im sure they like blasphemy.

i didnt notice any superfast blast beats in the blasphemy album. but it was still moderately enjoyable. total drunk metalheads in vests with patches and goats type stuff.

i sort of enjoyed seeing that at shows, but i was never really a part of that either. i wasnt that social hehehe. plus drinking is a big part of that.

plus people one upping each other with kvlt vinyl and patches of bands where im like yeah, i only like a couple bands in this style. and i am such a big poseur I like melody hehehe. shit i like at the gates and dark tranquillity hahaha. so im not that KVLT in other words.

i fit in better with normies than with that.

i fit in with HER very well, better than i had fit in with anybody in ages. again its really hard for me to CONNECT and FIT IT with people. but with her I did. and that was VERY valuable to be. I lost something of great value to me and it was VERY painful to me. I just wish it was painful for her too. That I meant something and was WORTH something to her too, and that she SHOWED that.

listened to more of the axis of advance “obey” album. It is weird. i have this fixation on this j read all of the sudden. which is fine. but its a lot to take it. definitely a very unique style. makes you look at the drums differently. he does some things which i have never heard before. but i can’t tell how “sloppy” he is. i hate sloppy. generally. if he’s sloppy, he’s not super sloppy, if anything, its a matter of biting off more than he can chew, aiming very high. i mean he is already moving around like animal or keith moon or something. like if keith moon played tons of blast beats hehehehe. its interesting but its tiring to listen to music that is so CHAOTIC.

also the sound is so raw on the axis of advance, its hard to tell the riffs. and the guitars are VERY low tuned. im not even sure if they’re MUDDY per se.

also there are not that many NORMAL parts where he’s NOT playing a blast beat.

so yeah I def want to check out more of his work. obv i like extreme drummers and he is synonymous with that. i wonder if he is bipolar hahahahaa. PROBABLY.  what kind of wimmin does he go out with hahaha. is he a degenerate in real life. PROBABLY.

he’s an INTERESTING GUY, and a very interesting Metal Drummer. But I gotta be careful not to get TOO much of a mancrush on him!!!

better to have a mancrush on mikko aspa, at least he has a nationalist band and likes evola hahahaha. maybe he stopped making pornographic movies hahaha. i mean im not sure how j00ish the pornography wast

 

 

 

Advertisements

PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING

july 1

shit. i hate that you just cant be an ok people person. you gotta be a MASTER people person just to get a 10 DAH job or get some fat slut. if you have the SLIGHTEST anxiety or autism or awkwardness…..1% is as bad as 100%. 2 is as bad as 10 hahaha. all or nothing. no in between.

you have to be all or nothing because the WORLD is all or nothing. jobs, women, life, hahaha.

sometimes  while browsing the indeed list you find a job thats SO GOOD you HAVE to apply for it RIGHT NAO. So go ahead and do that. thats a good thing. like i found one today: day shift, full time, mailroom clerk for large IP law firm. Dayum.

using A Spreadsheet and a Stopwatch to calculate the Exact Average of how long it takes me to do a Job Application.

with 3 down so far, the average is 15 minutes. has varied from 6 to 27 minutes.

this is actually making it slightly more interesting. maybe this is a holdover from my stupid job, where all our calls were timed and we could see a dashboard of how many calls we had each day, average time of calls, total time IN, etc.

i kinda liked improving my numbers. also it gave me some Hard Numbers. of course it also allows the company to Measure More and to crack the whip harder. 20 minutes average call time? get it down to 19 and we save 1 million dollars a year and can give execs moar bonuses and cut more people from YOUR department!

but in general i think the stopwatch is a great idea for THIS, muh job SEARCH, and getting a handle on exactly HOW long it takes to do EACH application, and what a reasonable number of apps per day is. i have been shooting for 8 but that’s cetainly low. but HOW low?

ok well my average is now at 17 minutes. thats with short ones and annoyingly long ones. only have 6 so far. i figure 100 might be a better sample size.

not that i havent already done over 210!!! 232 as a matter of fact. hehe.

today had a first, applied to USAJOBS, something for the army. FEDGOV hehehehehe.

17$ DAH job working with like army kids? child care technician? well in the FEDGOV they make 17 bucks an hour with bennies. GS 04 or some shit.

SO i figured that 5% of applications will get an interview. 1 out of 20. i mean that is ABOUT what its actually been. about 10 interviews for 200 applications.

well REALLY its 9 interviews for 230 applications hahahahahahahaha. but NO, cuz when I HAD the 9th interview last week, I had only about 200 apps in.

ok, so 9/200.

SO, assuming about 5% chance of an interview, it is THEN safe to assume that 5% of INTERVIEWS will result in a JOB. THEREFORE, you have to put in about 400 applications, therefore get 20 interviews, in order for you to get 1 job.

so shoot for 400 applications.

about ABOUT 20 minutes per application, that is 133 hours.

and that is 3.25 weeks of Full Time Work hehehehehe.

and right now I am showing 17 minutes per application, not 20.

why the hell didnt i start measuring this in a spreadsheet EARLIER?

because when you Train Yourself, it takes you MONTHS to stumble on things that a Trainer would show you right away. Best Practices. Best Practices do not always come quickly.

and this is a pretty obvious no brainer. use a spreadsheet as a tracking system to measure Metrics. its not exactly out of left field.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/advice-on-how-to-red-pill-my-fiance/37312/11

this guy does not seem super smart but he is a manly white man who carries a Glock hehehe and doesnt want his qt white gf associating with trash. cuz her friends are trash and her family is trash and she gets the attention of blacks hehehe but she miraculously is not a huge slut. so says the boifran hahaha.

i know that feel, that woman was CLOSE to trash but she was not herself really trashy. she didnt want to be trash so she dumped her trashy friends. i hate to think she thought of ME as TRASH.

well at least TRASH can WORK!!!!!

july 2

horry sheet, interview with the company i have submitted like 14 applications to this year and i NEVER thought they would interview me for anything more than a 9 dah pt job….has invited me to an interview for like a 32k to 46k FT job hahahaha.  so, doing that on thursday. afternoon of courshe hahahaha.

BIG reach here, but……it was kind of a reach just to get the interview!

They are interviewing at least 5 people.

I would prefer something a little less……involved, because I might be better qualified for something Lower, have a better chance of getting it.

I do know the application here had like 5 short answer questions that probably scared all the CASUALS and PUNTERS away hahahaha.

and made the Application Time like 30 minutes instead of 15 hehehe.

what was the manager doing sending emails at 10 30 pm on the friday of Fourth of July Weekend? why wasnt he out of town with his family?

this place has a Unionized Workforce and I thought they were serious about muh 40 hours and not a second more hehehehe.

well there are ways around that, you simply PUNCH OUT THEN KEEP WORKING hehehehehe.

how common is this? for people who want to make themselves look like they do more in 40 hours than they do? really for OT Exempt people its not an issue. then you just work 80 hours for the price of 40 as a general rule hahaha.

i am somewhat interested in the Goth Subculture, but its also kidna degenerate and the women are SLUTS. VERY high number. but they might be willing to help weak sissy beta guys gain experience and confidence in banging bitches, which is always good.

yes, bang those disgusting degenerate high number whores, just for EXPERIENCE and CONFIDENCE. THEN you will have a better chance at getting the women you DO want. there’s a reason they call them PRACTICE gurls. And you can’t get a Decent Woman without PRACTICE. Like like you can’t Win the Championship Game without PRACTICE.

just Wrap It Up and try not to lie too much. like don’t tell the gurl you’re in luv with her, OR that you will marry her, OR that you want a Real Relationship with her. It’s Only About The Casual Secs baby, whatsamatter, dont you think secs is FUN, ya prude?

but yeah i dont think there are any gothic gurls under 30.

also goths like phaggots and nihilism and drugs and are not masculine and all.

i would approach Goth in a way that championed Traditional Victorian Values, and wears a lot of black, and likes melancholy shit, but thats really about all. While also still being Masculine and promoting Morality and Family and Traditional Gender Roles.

at the same time i like gurls who are not super duper girly. That Woman was feminine but she was not super duper girly. in that she was chilled out and laid back and not into Drama. But she kinda was. at the end she couldn’t get out of the drama.

i dont mind minor drama, but major drama needs to be dealt with. women are so attracted to drama that they dont even want to deal with major drama, they just run away from it if its too much. leaving people in the LURCH.

they need a MAN to pull them out of the drama. And I was not man enough. shit i was CAUSING the drama. i didnt know how to FINISH it. well, i DID know that we PROBABLY needed to confront it and talk about it, and she didnt want to do that.

all the more reason I need to MAN UP and say THIS ENDS NOW and MADE her talk to me hehehehe.

so yeah. BIG interview thursday, one of the biggest. the manager has been working there for 12 years and is a (former?) CPA but this job is more in “systems.” he does not have a masters degree but does/did have a CPA and that is about as hardcore as a masters degree hehehehe. fookin tryhard.

applied for job as AP clerk for company, took 23 minutes, brought average up to 16 minutes hahahaha.

i only have 8 jobs in that spreadsheet, i suppose if i had all 230 jobs, it would be a more valid/accurate number.

lets just say the shorter the better. i would like it to be closer to 15 than to 30.

in 1980 it didn’t take you 16 minutes to do a job application (well maybe it did.)

but for DAMN SURE in 1980 you didnt have to do 400 job applications before you found a job!

but its good i have an interview for next week, i didn’t have one this past week. want to have 1 or ideally TWO eery week.

had a dream with THAT WOMAN last night, as i recall it was pretty long but i still dont remember much other than i was spending the night with her, but she was mad at me and we were arguing and i was sleeping on the couch or something. i was scared she was gonna LEAVE ME, that she wasnt willing to work this out. , that she had just Had Enough, it wasnt worth saving to her.

and of course that was what happened! but this dream at least pretended that we were actually Going Out.

I was also starting to care about her family. Cared about her single mother who had a possibly rough life but she was at least a good mother and probably a good person. cared about her brother and sister who seemed really nice and were not promiscuous degenerate drug addicts, they did not even smoke MJ. they just lived clean decent nice lives. Cared about her extended family who she told me about.

and now all of THOSE people were ripped out of my life too, her telling me you’re not allowed to care about them any more, you’re done with ALL of us.

so that was an extra element which made things even more painful. I felt closer to her because I felt I kinda knew her family. again, not something i normally do with women.

she had an older family member who was not in good shape and that was causing her a lot of stress and worry at the same time as our thing fell apart. i felt guilty for Bothering her during such a difficult time. But I cared about the family member too! I shared her pain somewhat! and if she thinks it was all a Ploy to Get Dat Ass, she couldnt be MORE wrong!!!!!!!!

but i totally lost my frame and became weak and supplicating and BEGGING. I should have taken the FRAME of the MAN who COMMANDS respect….not a pvssy weakling who BEGS for respect! you put the foot down and say THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE.

hmmm this qt young gurl (7-8 years younger than me, very cute and nice, low number, she got married tho, like at age 22, well good for her hahaha.) sent ME a linkedin connect today and i accepted it. I had seen HER many times but did not ask to connect with her because she might think its creepy i was stalking her. well she is way more successful than me anyway. good career in health admin and is being promoted, moving up, didnt even get a damn masters degree, works with a bunch of other qt young women.  its hard to imagine they will become hambeasts when they are 40 like so many other women.

but they might not also become loving wives and mothers and just continue riding the coch carousel, so yeah, part of that is not becoming a hambeast. gotta look good to pull the alphamost coch. fat hambeasts can only pull thugingras hahahha. i hope SHE becomes a fat hambeast. her mother didnt unfort. her mother still looks bangable. i should bang her mother in horribly degrading ways hahahahahahahaha

heh i set up a 50 cent monthly dnation to bernard chapin. lets see if HE complains about the dnation being too small hahaha. i really dont think he will. he is not that kind of guy tho. I wish he had found a good wife and become a father though. its SAD that at 46 he has Accepted he will always be a MGTOW. he is coming out with his new book “man going his own way.” I mock MGTOW’s now, but not too long ago, I considered myself a mgtow, and uncle bern is the best example of the best of mgtow. he is a very good honorable man and THATS why he needs to stop being a mgtow and become a father! hes not race aware enough, let alone 1488. well, i will stop my dnation if he ever has a keeid with a nonwhite or advocates race mixing hahaha, which i dont think he will.

WOMEN: SERIAL HEART KILLERS

june 29

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

how many job apps a day do i need to do to Feel OK about uh self? 5? 8? 10? 14? 20? obviously, the higher the better. because my new goal is to get to 500 job apps and maybe by then i will have a yob hahahaha. at 200 now.

well, how abotu 420 hahaha.

so not to DOX too much but at our weekly social game night we have a guy who has been “glomming” onto our group for a Long Time, like almost 2 years, and he has a reputation for being Drunk, Obnoxious, and Overbearing. It has gradually been getting Worse instead of better and our Group Leadership is reaching a point where they want to Dump this guy, but of course that would involve a difficult conversation.

i could not help but see the parallels between this and my situation, especially when Our Leader said half-jokingly that he wished he could just “GHOST” the guy.

HOWEVER there are also such important differences that this is APPLES AND ORANGES from my situation with the woman.

in other words, it would behoove me not to dwell on the tiny similairities here, but instead the big differneces.

because basically i dont want to be like this guy, also, this does not involve a close connection between two people, but a casual connection to a social group for a specific gaming night.

also he has a pattern of this type of behavior, and has been pushed away from other groups for the exact same reason.

but yeah i hate to think i was like HIM to HER.

but i WASNT, because we had a real friendship.

even APART from the Special Feelings which I had, BEFORE all that shit, it was STILL a Good Close Friendship. something real and long term and valuable and worth something. even BEFORE I got feelings. and you cant just throw something of Value away like that.

but yeah it was a good example of a Negative Cognitive Distortion (Despair Causing) when I thought O GOD IM JUST LIKE HIM to HER. I was so overbearing that I got what I deserved, i couldnt take a hint, couldnt see the writing on the wall.

sort of….but the relationship was TOTALLYYYYYYYYYYYY different from this social group. I am not particularly intimate or super-close with any of the men, and I felt I was closer and more intimate with Her than with Them.

not that they are bad guys! the relationship is just very well-defined and compartmentalized.

even this drunk guy is not a bad guy per se….he just gets very overbearing when drinking. he is normally overbearing but its somewhat tolerable when sober, but he is unfort a bit of a habitual drinker, often pre-drinking before showng up to the pub, where he drinks some more and get incoherent, slurring the words drunk.

but he is not a physical or confrontational guy, rather he is desperate to Belong and Fit In and be Connected and Be Accepted and Have Friends. which are very legitimate desires which we ALL have. so i cant blame him for that.

but his personality and his drinking just push everyone away!

so i thought oh god what if my personality just pushes peopel away!

also i USED to be an obnoxious drunk like that who annoyed people with my drunkenness. but i totally changed that and stopped drinking altogether.

anyway  i hate to think she viewed ME like our group views HIM. just an annoying nuisance who needs to be kicked out because its just gotten to be Too Much and it makes the event less fun.

but again, APPLES AND ORANGES, because its a totally different type of relationship!!!!!!

now he is very bitter towards his ex wife, and i am SURE his behavior had something to do with that.

but im sure she gave him time. i mean they had to be MARRIED for like 10 years, they had a kid, etc.

but he managed to apparently make good money and retire at a very below average age and now has plenty of money to drink yikes.

its SAD really because hes not a bad guy, and there is some good raw material there. its TRAGIC how he pushes people away. its like a sad little boy who just wanted friends but he was just too much to handle so no one wanted to be friends with him.

and i hate to be like THAT!

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/the-death-cult-skipping-towards-the-graveyard/37665

heheheh good anti gay article at daily stormer

mein negers hahahaha

i just gave andy anglin ANOTHER 50 cents the other day when he was having 503 server overload hehehe

but yeah I WAS OVERBEARING AND somehwat obnoxious i admit it…..but dont ghost me bro hahaha. i wasnt just glomming on to you. you used to show an interest in ME and said i was a good friend and i thought you were a good friend and things were good for almost 2 years and we got along really well. didnt THAT mean anything to you? didnt THAT build any goodwill? dont you think that earns me more than a Ghosting? i wasnt just some overbearing hanger-on. I was a REAL TRUEFRIEND.

i was a true friend, not some weird guy you just temporarily tolerated.

so i think i had EARNED better response to my weirdness, when I got weird.

protein powder + whole milk + coffee oh yeah hahaha.

some companies do not post on indeed at all but you can find them all over MONSTER. learn how to set up company alerts to email you immediately wiht new postings, from monster, careerbuilder as well as indeed.

references OTHER than previous employers and relatives??? AND relatives???? OTHER than previous employers??? wtf???

also applications that demand a full 15 year record INCLUDING explanation for ALL gaps.

i guess they are intentionally trying to limit their applicant pool….which is good for me, right?

QUALIFICATIONS:

Non Smoker

Does Not require Medical Benefits

hehehehe wow theres a new one, see something new every day. so you want medical benefits? NOT WITH US! you’re not GOOD ENOUGH to DESERVE medical benefits! you gotta PAY YOUR DUES before you can get a job with BENNIES!

was at the Supermarket and I saw a woman driving a car in the parking lot that looked SO MUCH like her. i thought it WAS her.

it wasnt the car i remember her having, but she could ostensibly have gotten a different car, there was a vanity license plate which she probably wouldnt get. there was a man in the passenger seat.

maybe she got a new boifran and is driving his car because he is in a bad mood or his license is suspended hahahaha. at least the guy was white hahaha.

hut yeah its hard to see a person driving a car 15 feet away, i tried as best i could, and all i could tell was that they looked very similar to That Woman. but this has happened occasionally. Every 25 year old white gurl with long dark hair wearing sunglasses I think is HER.

so, it probably WASNT her, but I still dont like seeing people that remind me of HER.

ok got it up (hehehe) to eight legit applications today. that was muh goal and i wasnt sure if i would get there. so good for me and have some grade A and B+ postings to do tomorrow.

or how about i need to get 100 rejection emails? only have 42 so far hehehe.

heh this is how i should be approaching WOMEN. 8-10 25 year old, no children, n < 5, white women PER DAY. hahahaha because there are a shitload of women like that.

hey you cant make a whore into a housewife. once a slut always a slut. better to have tendies than roasties hahahaha.

yeah i hate seeing women that look like her. reminds me of her. and we used to have something really GOOD. even BEFORE I fell in feelings with her, we had something very good and important and valuable.  now absolutely nothing but pain and bitterness and some regret.

some really good times like i never had with a woman……..but also some reallllllll baddddddd times that I think outweighed the good times.

but i want to have those kind of good times with a woman. but i still want HER to be that woman. i have not gotten over HER in other words and that will still take awhile.

but yeah you cant make a degenerate into a nondegenerate hahaha.

well sure you can! I changed my ways didn’t I?

i just think its apples and oranges when you are talking about an n > 4 woman. those are people you’re talking about. not like drugs or alcohol or some inanimate object. and that is the Life Creation Process we’re talking about, not just Getting Loaded.

DO YOU REALLY WANT A WHORE FOR THE MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN?????

heheheh

but yeah you fear that how can something THIS special happen more than ONCE in your life. i mean it feels like a once in a lifetime thing. moreover, how the hell is it gonna happen in like the medium term of the next ten years, because you want to find a woman under 30 so she can have damn CHILDREN, and having CHILDREN is VERY affected by age. Like yeah kinda stupid if I am 80 years old and finally find true luv again with some 70 year old woman. realllll fooking stupid. i think you only fall in true luv IF they are in fact YOUNG enough to be fairly fertile. in other words, being of Fertile Age can CAUSE luv. or its a PREREQUISITE. you’re not gonna fall in luv with a woman past the age of child bearing.

in other words, LOVE is Child-Focused, or at least, Reproduction-Focused. Life-Creation-Focused.

june 30.

ayo hol up. so i just got a sort of rejection email from the POST OFFICE saying that there is an exam requirement, and the maximum number of exam takers has been reached so….i am out of luck. this is for the carrier job. well sheeeit i already took the 473 exam or whatever and did pretty good on it. this is NOT the PSE mail processor job i had the more in depth interview for. but THEY said yeah we dont really have an exame for this job. in other words, i thought the exam i actually took was for this darn CARRIER position (also PSE I’m sure) which i got the email abotu today. so what if the tests are full? I ALREADY TOOK THE TEST ALMOST 2 MONTHS AGO!

anyway like i say i am very negative about the post office hahaha

but yeah technically yesterday was pretty good. got 8 legit applications in, got a 5 mile walk in the BEAUTIFUL sun, have to maximize that. made some cigarets, went to social gaming night, listened to the fatherland.

3 applications in before 12 pm hahahaha that is pretty good for me

did not have any interviews this week. ideally i would have 1 or 2 every week.

shit. got 7 done by 2:30 pm. so close to 8. gotta do it. gotta PUT IN THE REPS even when youre not getting results hehehe.

wewlad, 226 applied jobs now. got muh 8th in at a “business process services” place ie a possibly glorified kinkos hehehe.

so now would be the perfect time to go Find Leads. Originate Shit to apply to muh 8 tomorrow.

newest dark tranquillity album does not sound bad or even boring at all. he brings back the cleans a bit! and he has good cleans.

idiot on youtube says insomnium is way better than dark tranquillity. wow just wow. i cant even. no just no. um yeah no. you seem fun. you seem smart ahhahahaha.

im 12 and what is this

heh you know you are old when you dont have to make excuses to enjoy at the gates “slaughter of the soul”, or preface this with a bunch of apologies and qualifiers and ironies. because you are so old that you listened to it within 5 years of it coming out. but 10 to 15 years after it came out, it was reviled as the harbinger of super derivative and boring Melodeth that was just being copied and copied to death. yeah well i never listened to that shit. I just listened to SOTS when I was 17 and there was not really a New Wave of Melodeth. When dark tranquillity and in flames were still young and exciting bands. I actually saw DT and IF on tour together in concert. that was a good show. small club in….2002?

i didnt know much of in flames but they were headlining and they were real good.

but i did know some of DT and they were really really good and should have been headlining imho. but in flames was suprisingly good too.

and then in flames got crapped on to no end later, as did at the gates. DT got crapped on the least.

none of them really deserves to get crapped on!

good live recording of DT in 2009 (actually 2008). by this time i had tuned out of DT but i sort of came back later and caught up. good band. massive respect. I really should try to see them live again. it has been like 14 years since i saw them that one time hahaha.

well it is 4th of july weekend. all the managers and powerful peopel will be taking a long weekend so i prob didnt have a lot of chance to have an interview this week, and maybe the shit will pour in NEXT week, after the holiday.

rejection email for 35k a year admin asst job, a rare FT job at this place i would liek to get in. 28 days after the application.

heheheh so youre saying i should not expect much from those 40k jobs i applied to recently hehehe.

uh yeah i think i might be saying that? i dunno know and i cant get any clarification, so….you just have to take my not so good guess hahahaha.  IT IS WHAT IT IS.

anyway DT actually make playing live look fun and remind me of why I wanted to do it. doesn’t mean they cant be degenerates tho.

but its hard for people who want to live a nondegenerate life of having wife and keeids.

oh you mean doing drugs and alcohol and banging degen disease sluts and acting like ingras all the time gets old? hahaha.

OF COURSH!

oh good for them, they’re not even so drunk they can’t play their instruments for the people who paid 30 bucks to see them hahaha. good for them. i dont show up so drunk to work every day that i cant do my job. when i had a job hahahaha.

see i experienced the drugs and alcohol but i never experienced the banging sluts. like a revolving door of white trash sluts with their own drinking and drug problems. i banged a very middle class slut once who went on to have a great career despite her bipolar hahahaha. although I’m pretty sure her marriage failed LOL. because she’s a bipolar slut who is probably really bad at relationshits hahaha.

well she’s good at career though. I am bad at both relationships AND career!

well at least I’m not BIPOLAR!

well i might be hahaha. give it another 10 years of Treatment Resistant Depression and Shitty High Stress Jobs and Woman Hating, hahaha.

its really not hard to like women if they’re not bitchy to you.

put another way, its really easy to overlook their major shortcomings when they are making an effort to be NICE to you!

if a job is in a Call Center, they should say that up front. You shouldn’t have to have a damn INTERVIEW to find out its in a Call Center. And also you have to ask them at the interview: yes or no. is this in a call center. and give me an idea of the pay. like, i will apply for a 30k job and feel pretty entitled. I apply to a 40k job and I know that is a Huge Reach, and maybe I shouldnt even waste my time.

but I would be most HOPEFUL about a….25-28k job. or a 14-15 DAH job. and you dont see a lot of postings advertising something in that sweet spot. you will see postings of 9 DAH or 20 DAH, with nothing in between hehehe.

well what I want is 14 DAH…..and no jobs will publicly post that wage.

hey really good sound on that live album above. that is NOT easy to do with a live metal recording. the vast majority of metal live recordings are shitty hehehe. can only listen to them if you are a Huge Fan In The Mood. but this one will make you a huge fan and put you in the mood!

heh. i wish i could just go back to drinking. its something social to do. you go out with people and you DRINK. and hopefully they like you because you are out socializing and DRINKING with them. I guess I could bring MJ to these sorts of things…..but i dont like doing MJ with people unless I feel Super Close with them. I always feel very Self Conscious, liek people are Judging me.

so it says a lot that I really WANTED to smoke MJ with That Woman…..when NORMALLY I dont want to smoke MJ with ANYBODY.

thats actually a good measure for how close of a friend they are: would you want to smoke MJ with them, or would you just get nervous around them?

a “good alternative” to me drinking would be me doing BENZOS hahaha. but I would need to take a COUPLE. take at LEAST 2 valiums or xanaxs, if not 3.

some women will stubbornly stay with and NOT give up their boifrands who are depressed or otherwise Not Right hehehe.  I have to think that these men are extremely masculine otherwise, because Depression (Despair) makes a man less masculine and essentially makes him VERY unattractive to women, in other words, it will drive women away, and you can’t expect ANY woman to Be There For You during your Hard Times, because your Hard Times will make you very repulsive, and you will push them away.

Now I’m not saying your GF Waifu should help Cure Your Issues. I AM saying they should Stand By You and Support You while you DEAL with the Ups and The Downs. And now LEAVE you when you start first showing Signs of Weakness and you Need them the Most, then blame them for being Weak and Needy.

So what ELSE is it about these Depressed men who DONT drive their tradwaifus away with their depression? Where the woman says, oh noes, I want to help my beloved husbando get through this! We’ll get thru this together!

cuz bitches dump ME at the very first sign I am not fooking Super Confident Thor Alpha. And Depression/Despair attacks your Alpha Confidence DIRECTLY. It attacks That Which Makes you Attractive to Women.

Meanwhile, when WOMEN get Depression, it has NO RELEVANCE to what makes women attractive to men. So Men are more likely to stay with a woman with Issues, than a Woman will stay with a man With Issues.

shit That Woman didnt even know the Depths Of My Despair, shit as far as I’m concerned its nobodys business but my own, i refuse to tell a woman about it because I KNOW it will make them BOLT like the road runner, leaving just a cloud of dust.  cuz thats just how women ARE. they leave you in the lurch and dont support you, so you better not show ANY weakness or need of support.

so i never told her I see a shrink once every 3 weeks, or that I have been taking AD’s since like 2008. and that this despair is very much tied into my Failure At Life.

But she didn’t really care that I was a Failure at life! She didn’t SEE me that way!

and honestly i am not a TOTAL failure at life! My True Friends dont regard me as a total failure who doesnt deserve to have True Friends!

they dont BAIL on me the second I have a Personal Problem!

True Friends DONT DO THAT!

And I thought she was a true friend.

but its my fault to compromise that with muh feelings. muh fee fees .

i think she WAS a true friend, but she was an IDIOT about dealing with that.

i was an idiot too, or, more accurately, a coward.

shit, she was an idiot AND a coward! and idiot because she totally misunderstood what this meant, and she felt betrayed and mad. at least I was smart enough to know that It Wasnt Betraying.

stupid idiot. would rather suck dicks and get fooked up the ass than not throw away someone she was true friends with for 2.7 years hahahahaha.

i REALLY hope not all women are like this! and she was one of the GOOD ones!!!!

well this is just a case of a good person being a YUGE coward.

ive been a huge coward too and i am basically a good person. but no one was really HURT by my cowardice, other than myself. i never broke anyones HEART with muh cowardice.

i dont WANT to break anyones heart……even after its been done to ME! i dont want to put anyone through this! i would make an effort NOT to break a persons heart in this way.

ok have to do the 5 miler, listen to dark tranquility and the fatherland with richard spencer the phag lover hahahaha. he’s got a faggy voice, why doesn’t his wife leave him? and she’s not even a man because they have a child together!

well because he’s very handsome and apparently charismatic, to lead his organzation. but he doesnt seem THAT charismatic tho! But he IS very handsome. and I think he Lifts. just a little at least. but that phaggy voice and the lack of charisma is gonna cause his wife to leave him and their child hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha jk.

went for 5 mile walk, only listened to dark tranquillity, pretty good show, maybe the guitar sound wasnt AS good as I thought it was, well its still pretty good. very listenable. but I still dont see how “when death is most alive” is a better closer than “final resistance” or another bona fide classic.

and whenever i experience good thrilling things, i wish SHE was there to Share them with. but she is gone forever.

yep 11.5 months later and still.

it’s honestly LESS PAINFUL to HATE women!!!! than to think of her and still want her!

so thats why i hate women. it’s BETTER than the alternative!!!!! its LESS PAINFUL to ME!!!! it protects me and builds a nice protective scar over a deep gaping wound! it allows the gaping wound to slowly HEAL! but its only about 55% healed so far! in 1 year! therefore, 100% in 2 years! yeah thats heavy…..AS IT SHOULD BE!!!!! falling in LUV is a BIG DEAL!!!!

2 years is ok, 4 years is not. and I REALLY dont think it will be 4 years.

set up google alert to deliver me news on the organization that is pushing for legal weed in muh state because they dont have a mailing list and i dont want to look at their facebook hehe

muh soggy knee

damn. weed is degenerate ingra trash but i still feel it would HELP get me THROUGH this Trial. more like a prison sentence hehehe. one more year to go hehehe.  just got to keep going through the motions till then.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/arizona-has-collected-200-000-signatures-demanding-marijuana-legalization/37833

heh tailor made topic for me. great comments

As for those who claim using weed can alleviate anxiety and depression, so can companionship and community. In fact, I would venture to say it is our atomized society and destroyed families that are the cause of so much drug use. The long-term solution to drug abuse is the re-establishment of the traditional family structure and society. In the mean time the powers that be should use draconian laws to crack down on this behavior.

another:

The real studies on the long term effects have shown that marijuana increases the size of the pleasure centers within the brain, which means it requires ever greater amounts of stimuli to trigger them.

What this means in real terms is that outside of the activities that are enjoyed while getting high, the smoker is being actively “brainwashed” or Pavlovian trained to only enjoy consuming the mediums and doing the things that are commonly done while high. This means TV and movies that are produced by j’s that are targets those specific markets is that much more effective in indoctrinating those people.

In effect marijuana allows them to brainwash those people and condition them to be purely hedonistic consumers and likely race-traitors.

It basically means that marijuana is an effective weapon to leverage goys into degeneracy.

That is why they push for it. Every place that has legal marijuana also has ridiculous firearm restrictions as well. There is no such thing as a coincidence when talking about j’s.

another:

Alcohol will kill you before it allows you to be effectively indoctrinated.

I am not advocating it’s consumption constantly or in excess, but it’s far less dangerous to our society than marijuana. Marijuana is very deceptively dangerous, as it’s danger is subversive, not visibly present.

another:

An ex-weed smoker here.

Weed is much more dangerous than people think. It won’t get you crazy, you won’t kill your family, won’t make you do crime to get it. But it weakens your willpower and gives you a false feeling of saticefaction. Also people think that it lasts for a couple of hours and that’s it. It’s bullshit. It effects your brain even the day after you smoked it. The majority is just too blunt to notice it. But it really does.

ok thats enough haha. END QUOTES

but im using it for MEDICAL purposes, to help with muh despair and anxiety. and to help me get over broken heart. and to help me escape into a fantasy world from a disappointing real world hahahaha. to be content with substandard shit. to be content with being a LAZY LOSER the rest of muh life. yikes!

I took responsibility for what I did wrong, why couldnt YOU???!?!?!?!?

because she was having hard times in life, was overwhlemed and scared, and was cowardly and immature, and her father abandoned her, and her BF broke her heart and threw HER away recently, and her mother doesnt get along with men well, and she’s still not over the more serious BF, and she is Emotionally Retarded hehehe.

so I don’t really mean WHY, i mean, jeez I wish you could have taken responsibility for what you did wrong, like I did.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT YOU DID WRONG.

I DID!!!!

really i dont care if MJ gets legalized recreationally, it would be just as good for me if Medical MJ were approved for Despair or Anxiety, because I have documented conditions for those. ESPECIALLY despair.

at the moment, shady old retired doctors will give you a certification just for walking in. doesnt matter if you have no records, no bona fide doctor patient relationship, no qualifying conditions!

that is how That Woman got HER medical card! just wandered into some random place and was “in and out in 5 minutes lol” with no medical records, no questions about qualifying conditions. she doesnt even know what the qualifying conditions ARE. and lemme tell ya, she doesnt have a one.

i could probably ask the guy i see at my weekly social thing if he can get any MJ for me hehehehe. my problem right now is that I dont really know anyone who can get me it hehehe. it used to be That Woman because she had a medical card and went to The Store regularly and was More Than Happy to Pick Something Up For Me. and I said ohhh thank you sweetie you are the greatest, i hope we can hang out this month and smoke some MJ together, it would be so much fun! never happened hahahaha. but she had no problem with buying stuff for me. Weird amirite? well i mean I would pay for it of course hahaha.

i mean 10 years ago, the whole town would go “dry” and we couldnt get MJ for WEEKS sometimes hahahaha.

and you certainly couldnt have any CHOICE in what KIND of MJ you got! you either had low medium or high quality. no differentiation between sativa and indica, which to me is the most important thing. sativa makes me panic, indica doesnt hahaha.

but despair peopel who take MJ can sometimes get WORSE! maybe thats what happened to me, now i am permanently fooked up!

 

GOOD FATHERS MAKE FAITHFUL DAUGHTERS

june 27

got a big bucket of “BODY FORTRESS, SUPER ADVANCED WHEY PROTEIN” for 18 dollars. kind of a Rip off but all these things of protein are around this price.

the containers are so big because one scoop is YUGE. one container is only 18 scoops, and hardcore Body Builders do two scoops at a time.

I will do no more than half of one scoop per day hahaha.

mix half a scoop of protein, with half a cup of vitamin d whole milk, get a thick shake like substance, drink some of it, then mix some of it with a mug of Coffee. Bulletproof hahahaha.

uploaded my resume to the college career center job postings site, and they have a real local american person in the career office of the college approve every damn document you upload. they gave me a ton of Feedback on the resume, i was pleasantly surprised at the time and effort they went through, so i obliged them and made the changes they asked. including using stupid bullet points, shortening the res, not using a packet but separate files.

then i decided to use some of the changes in my actual packet, like making shit look nicer with bolding and centering.

exactly the type of shit i took out months ago when i opted for a “formatting-lite, txt resume.”

so now i am moving back from txt to doc, if you will.

i just hope the shit looks not all fooked up in their version of word. i am saving as doc, no docx, in libreoffice, to be compatible with older versions of word.

anyway i sorta appreciate that they took the time to actually look at the shit and give concrete feedback and told me exactly what to do. so i did it. for them. doesnt mean im gonna use this on all shit, but i took it as a sign, and made some small but i think positive changes with muh permanent packet.

W        E        W        L        A        D

E

W

L

A

D

and stuff like saying I had too many sentences starting with “I” in muh cover letter, and that I didnt need months on muh resume.

well they also recommended an objective and i know objective is bad. i did it for them but not otherwise.

its easier to throw away and GET thrown away when you dont really know the person.

when you DO know the other person, have known them for 2+ YEARS, its both harder to throw them away (and more immoral!) AND a LOT harder for the thrown away person to Deal With.

its not a fading or drifting away. it’s slamming the door in someones face with no other response when the other person is begging pleeeeease.

i have drifted away from other friends. but neither of us were begging the other, neither of us were avoiding or ignoring each other.

if my friend said please dont avoid me, i’d say, listen, sorry, but this has to end. im sorry. i just cant do it any more. im sorry to hurt you, but i just cant. its not you, its me. just try to forget about me. im sorry, i cant do this any more. you can blame me. sorry. goodbye.

see? lots of sorrys. lots of trying to spare their feelings, let them know its MY fault and not theirs. they didnt do anything wrong. they will be disappointed, but i am acknolwedging all that and saying sorry. all in 2 damn lines that didnt take a lot of serious thought. took LESS THAN ONE MINUTE to answer all those concerns directly.

yeah. so do you know them or not? Yes i knew them for 2.7 years.

was this a mutual driftaway or not? hell no. i was asking her to respond.

i dont think you quite understand the technicalities here hahahaha. she really DID do something wrong. I’m not misunderstanding THAT hahaha.

had a dream last night featuring one of the few women at muh old shitty job who i wanted to bang. there were about two of them (apart from That Woman.) one was a shorter blond one with very curvy b00bz and bottom, the other was a tall long-legged red haired gurl. technically i preferred the taller one cuz i am a real leg man, but it was the shorter one who was in the dream, yeah i would have gladly banged her too. hahaha. i remember That Women hated/disliked that blond gurl. I wonder if they became frands later.

anyway in the dream i was working with that blond haired gurl on some sort of cooking or baking project that I was screwing up and we werent gonna be able to make enough brownies or whatever in time for all the customers that were gonna come in soon. i just wanted to be out of that situation and maybe hanging out with the blond girl in a much more chill situation where i could focus on banging her casually hahahaha.

well i think this blong girl got a new job and the last time she worked at that job with all of us was in….spring 2015. she hated the job too and wanted to get out. i talked to her like 2 times. she had kind of an obnoxious attitude, like a crude tomboy. filthy mouth, talking about crude stuff, but not all the dicks shes took. who knows how many dicks shes taken. 5? 10? she was like 23 years old. but she had a hot little body that I would have gladly banged. if she were trying to be nice to me, she probably would have been fun to hang out with, and definitely to bang.

ANY woman can be fun to hang out with if they just TRY not to be a bitch. So true. And it’s NOT hard. Just don’t be a bitch. It’s NOT hard. and when a cute young gurl is not being a bitch to you, it’s a pretty good feeling hahahaha.

well i wish the dream were secsier but at least it wasnt THAT WOMAN.

did a 5 mile walk

june 28

always feels good to get rejection email for clerk 1 position than pays like 14 dollars an hour hahaha. well its the county, they probably went with a diversity person or woman rather than a fooking white male hahahaa.

applying for same electronics technician job for the FOURTH time which pops up every 3 or 4 weeks. but this time im using the packet, and the New Better Looking Packet at that! I think this one I still had just a res attached.  These People dont even bother sending rejection letters.

is it normal to apply to 210 jobs and not get a job yet? is it because i start too many sentences with “I” in muh cover letter, which is also a little long? maybe. we will never know hahahaha. can’t prove causation here. too much reasonable doubt and lack of good evidence.

210 stupidass applications. and i GUARANTEE my PACKET is way better than HER shitty resume, yet she still gets to make good money being call center level 2 just because she can SURVIVE and WITHSTAND that environment better than I can. because beta orbiters are going to help her out and make her job easier. answer the phone for her. think quickly for her. put out fires for her. make decisions for her. when she is all idk lol i wanna smoke weed. maybe i will let this one orbiter bang me because he is the toughest badboyest out of them all. it might be fun and if i get preggers i can just get an abortion, no big deal, secs is FUN. ive had enough hard times in muh life, i’ve earned the right to have secs for fun, men suck anyway, might as well use them for their big hard throbbing black dix to bend me over and pound me in the pooper like a bad white trash bitch.

fooking MONSTER hahahahaha.

ok got 5 applications done, all top quality ones today, A and B tier, high and medium tier/priority.

hehe it just is painful. she used to show me mercy and kindness and i liked getting that from a woman. and in the end she showed me NO mercy or kindness. it was a mindfook as well as a heartbreak!

yeah she had circumstances in her life, i’m not discounting that. just take 5 minutes on a weekend or WHENEVER to write me an email just saying sorry but i can’t do this, its not your FAULT, but i cant do this, i wish you well, goodbye. take ONE minute to write that, at some point, after youve cooled down a little bit. not just unfriending me and BLOCKING me and never talking to me again. that is something you do to a person youve known less than 2 weeks, NOT more than 2 YEARS. jeez.

its just ridiculous. she was one of my favorite people, and I WAS ONE OF HER FAVORITE PEOPLE!!!!! so to go from that, to someone who was hated and thrown away…its a big shift haha.

i gave her strong, consistent signals that i had feelings for her! she gave me signals she was distancing from me, but NO indication that she was gonna drop me entirely and never look back! i didn’t think she was capable of doing that to me! I thought she deep down cared about me too much! well apparently not hahaha.

heh dnated one feckin dolla to trad youth party regarding their big event in sacramento recently

they said that all dnations this week would go towards the medical expenses of the brave huhwhyte men who were attacked by leftist antifa scum.

 

DO YOU REALLY **NEED** TO BE WITH 4 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

june 25

saturday, beautiful day, wont be able to enjoy beautiful days when you are WORKING, hehehehe. so sad.

well try to apply for these Premium Sweet Jobs today. I set up DAILY alerts on indeed for muh top companies so that I get new jobs THE DAY they are posted at this company. protip, do this.  if you can sign up on the company job site for alerts as soon as new jobs are posted, fine, but some companies dont let you. because they dont know how to Properly Source Candidates hahaha. thats why they pay Recruiters to make job postings FOR them. good god. its STUPID.  and you see how dumb the recruiters are. how can you have RESPECT for a company that uses such sleazy recruiters? its UNPROFESSIONAL and EMBARRASSING.

you are a fortune 500 company and you cant do better than hiring a shitty mushmouthed recruiter who searches for resumes on indeed and careerbuilder for a list of technical WORDS ????!?!?!?!?! a recruiter whos never done a technical job and has no idea what the companies REALLY want or need, but then neither does the company, because the managers at the company don’t really know what their technical people DO either.

kind of like it was embarrassing for our company to have woefully undertrained peopel on the front lines simply acting as messengers for the Hidden Elite who didnt want to take calls.

well, to be fair, when a case was actually escalated, then the Elite would make phone calls as they worked on the case. and plenty of them found ways to be jooish about it. like i called you once for clarification, you were in a meeting, therefore i couldn’t get clarification, therefore i am closing the case. call one of our clueless tier 1 people to try to get it re-escalated, and then we will start working on it again in 48 hours from THAT.

and just the fact you can’t really talk to your coworkers and really LEARN shit because you are ALWAYS ON THE PHONE. the queue is always at max level. they will send people home if there are not a lot of calls. rather than say TRAIN THEM MOAR.

shit. she got a new job even though her linkedin profile is full of spelling and grammar and punctuation and logical errors. because companies are so DESPERATE to put bodies in call center seats. I just hope she’s taking stupid calls, feeling like she’s DROWNING, and not a stupid LEVEL 2 who’s essentially pushing level 1’s heads under the water, because she doesnt know what to do, but she’s not part of the punished caste who has to take those calls and forced to give the runaround and be like sorry, nothing we can do, no you can’t speak to someone else, no I can’t tell you why we can’t help you, just that we can’t, sorry, no you can’t dispute or appeal this, i mean you can TRY calling back and hope you get a better level 1 than me, but you might get a worse one too, sorry sorry sorry, nothing i can do, please hang up now because i’ll get in trouble if i hang up on you.

then you just give up and hang up on them and hope you dont get caught hehehe.

i actually never did that. but i might have transferred people to a level 1 person of a different department who PROBABLY could not help them either and PROBABLY transferred them right back to my department, hehe.

i hate to overestimate how much i mean to women. like i think a woman really values me…..but they don’t.

this is why this takes TIME. for example, the fact that we were friends for 2.5 years. we HAD that long term time together to know this just wasnt a passing phase for her, like so many dicks on the coch carousel, like so many pseudo relationships and lovers thrown away and replaced like robots.

no. we hung out over time and i began to TRUST her when she said I was one of her important top tier friends. she didn’t have many fake shit tier friends anyway. she would just leave those people anyway. like she eventually left me hahahaha. but they were drunks and drug addicts and real losers. and apparently i was just as bad as them.

and she was so moral she didnt even FOOK these losers hehehe. such a GOOD woman. congratulations, bitch, you dont fook obvious losers. what a SAINT. you get a fookin PROMOTION for not making babies with drug addicts. so EXTRAORDINARY and AWESOME of you not to abuse your SACRED RESPONSIBILITY with the WORST POSSIBLE men. im so PROUD of your ACHIEVEMENT.

bitches and whores!

i tried to watch “some like it hot” yesterday because i heard it was really good….but it was both ultra corny and degenerate. i dont like that degenerate WHORE marilyn monroe. why do you NEED to be with SO MANY guys? you DONT! you DONT! i just dont like her. jack lemmon and tony curtis were all right…..but do you notice how the agent who books them is very obviously a member of the tribe?  and i bet this damn movie was written by one too.

written and directed by billy wilder. i KNOW he was a J. total J from southern poland / galicia. born samuel wilder.

MARILYN MONROE WAS NOTHING BUT A DEGENERATE WHORE.

so i hate it when other women praise her as some awesome women. when she was nothing but a degenerate whore.

the hateful way i talk about women, its a red flag!

NO ITS NOT! it means I still know how to discern a good woman from a degenerate whore!

and its so sad to fall in LOVE with a good woman and then she starts sliding down to degenerate whore, and nothing you can do can stop it, because she doesnt care what you think.

heh. i am watching a stupid program about marilyn monroe. that whore fooked EVERYBODY. her first husband, a normie working class man. just used him as a meal ticket to advance her pornographic career.

then fooked EVERYBODY. huge hefner. joe dimaggio. arthur miller. tony curtis. marlon brando. john kennedy. bobby kennedy. frank sinatra. dean martin.

do you REALLY need to fook TEN guys in your life? NEVER!

 

i’m sure these men saw her as a Hot Mess who was an Easy Fook. so they pumped her and dumped her. especially near the end, once it was more obvious what a piece of shit she was.

women don’t even understand this. so next time you see some woman praising marilyn monroe, calmly, coolly mansplain to them what a degen whore she was, and if they dont end up agreeing with you, pump and dump the broad. just like what happened to their degen role model. some role model. a role model for being a degen whore.

well i wont drink again but i would totally abuse other drugs heheheh. i could totally abusing benzos because they chill you out like alcohol.

i dont want another woman to be muh wife. i dont want to be with any other women.

and since i cannot be with her i will hate her and hate all women hahahaha.

like i said i am in a TOTAL WOMAN HATING PHASE right now for at least another 6 months. till the end of 2016.

well i dont hate all women. just i dont have any interest in them other than banging the qt ones. and i dont have the power to do that. the only woman i really luv, that is done, and i am still grieving that. DEAL WITH IT.

IM dealing with it, by being in the middle of the process of grief. trust the process, RESPECT the process. so now YOU can deal with THAT. i know you WOMEN don’t understand GRIEVING for a Lost Love for a YEAR. cuz people, love, secs, hearts, relationships just dont MEAN that much to you. you people.

i mean its definitely in the latter half of that grief. the grief is not nearly as PARALYZING and DEVASTATING as it once was. but i still dont want to be with anybody else. I cant see anyone else replacing her. and i WANT to replace the SHIT out of that bitch hahahaha. i want to forget i ever met that bitch.

i mean she can replace ME, of COURSH i want to replace HER!

but i just dont think thats possible right now. i still need to wait more TIME, and THEN find someone who is SO awesome that they make me forget all about HER.  for a guy who does not meet many women, let alone attractive women, let alone get along with them REALLY WELL, this does not seem super likely. let alone women who do not want to be with more than 3 guys before getting married hahahaha.

oh i dont NEED to be with more than 3 guys, i just WANT to! secs is FUN you puritan prude! its FUN!

no its NOT FUN, its the Sacred Life Creation Process! The fact that it makes your cl1t FEEL GOOD is a BY PRODUCT!!!!!! muh feels muh dick muh cl1t muh tingles. you fooking INGRAS.

yes, i will concede that most degen normies think sex is FUN, but its only FUN so as to MAKE people WANT to do it so the SPECIES REPRODUCES. its fun BECAUSE it creates life. NOT because its JUST FUN.

tell the women, do you want your MOTHER to be a slut? what would your MOTHER say if she knew you were a SLUT?

ideally you would say father, but women dont have fathers, or their fathers are deadbeats who dont care, or pvssies who can’t influence shit.

so yeah ideally when a woman is a slut, she AND her father should be publicly flogged, then her head shaved.

WARNING: ONYL LISTEN TO THIS BORING ALBUM IF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING

for some reason i was called to put this album in muh listening queue. melodic death metal from finland. i havent even listened to it. but i hear it is melodic and melancholic. death metal. melodeth. i hope it is not too modern. i hope the singer has a deeper voice and not a higher voice. i guess there’s probably not any blast beats. and it is very Clearly produced. not sure why i was called to listen to melodic death metal at this moment, and in particular this band. maybe cause i have heard of them for a while but never listened to them. and i like finns.

it may suck or more likely just be boring and overrated and boring hahaha.

i am starting to get bored of goatwhore again, their later albums are better than i initially thought but they are kind of growers and the riffs dont SHOW as much as on the earlier albums.

anyway this insomnium could suck. another thing i have on the queue after this amon amarth. who i sorta know what they sound like. melodic viking death metal. but i want something more melancholic. but its gotta be CATCHY.

so yeah. if all your mansplaining isnt helping a gurl understand that being a slut is BAD….pump and dump.

how would you feel if your mother is a slut? many times the mother IS! but that doesnt mean the daughter cant feel bad about it!

how would your mother feel if you were a slut? if the mothers a slut, she might not care.

just ask them how many abortions theyve had!

just ask them how many guys theyve been with!

I do regret not asking those questions directly of the 2 sluts i have been with. like after you banged them hard and they are cuddling with you and fee dominated and protected by you, you just ask. say babe, how many guys you been with.

then theyll say, what do you mean been with?

then come right back with, well i mean sex. whether its short term or long term. one night, one month, one year, friends with benefits….ANYTHING. How many guys have you had secs with. whats your NUMBER.

her: why do you want to know?

you: i’m just curious. I’ll tell you if you tell me. I just want to know how special I should feel now, or if you’ve done this with lots of guys, hahahahahahaha.

her: SHUT UP.

and then bang her again. maybe blast it on her face. take some pictures with your phone. or videos. you can put them on the internet later. send them to her mother, father, boifran, grandmother, children, friends, etc.

then ask her again.

so, you didnt answer my question. what’s your number.

must be pretty high if you dont want to tell me! what are you, some kind of slut or something? what, you been with more than 20 guys?

and then you might get them to admit theyve been iwth 10 or 15 guys.

STILL TOO MANY.

anything mroe than THREE is TOO MANY.

more than THREE, then theyre a SLUT. PERIOD.

they dont take sex SERIOUSLY enough.

they dont have RESPECT for human LIFE.

thats why they throw people away like they arent even humans.

they have sex with people and it means NOTHING.

they have relationships, even long term, with people and it means NOTHING.

they are sociopaths who stop just short of overt violence and murder (except for abortion!) and are satisfied “just” to break hearts in torturous, obscene, evil, satanic, j00ish ways

WOMEN: SERIAL HEART KILLERS. 

torture porn. its not just disgusting jooish movies. its the jooish way women have sick pseudo relationships and Mutilate and Desecrate Human Hearts, leaving a trail of ruined men in her wake.

again, this is why you always ask the woman if any of the men she’s dumped have K’d themself. not that they’d tell you the truth, hahahaha, but they will know you are on to their wicked game!

200th job!!!! 200th job application!!!!

actually probably a bit more. its just the 200th application acceptance email in my applied jobs folder folder, since i Got Serious with muh job search in april, about 2 months ago hehehe. sheeeeit march 21, about THREE months ago. 200 jobs, 3 months. 65 jobs a month, hmmm i can certainly do better than that hahahaha.

well remember i would often slow down on weekends and also days where i had interviews.

great post on daily stormer , quote:

I ran into a man today who I knew growing up, he was a few years younger than me and now 30 at the time of running into each other.
As a young man I remember him as highly intelligent, hard working, honest and reliable.
I ran into him while taking my daughter for our evening walk (I walk and she sits in the radio flyer with her stuffed animals)
He was in a neighbors front yard pushing a lawnmower for a living.
We said hello and I asked what he’s been doing in the years since we last spoke.
Poor guy tried college but couldn’t afford it, military wouldn’t take him due to chrome’s disease as a child, corporation’s wouldn’t hire him due to no college and therefore no experience, city employment never panned out because the lists are drawn randomly with set minority hire quotas per random (white) draw.

We said goodbye and as I walked off I nearly shed tears for this poor guy.

This is the plight of the American white male, we have no future in this America.
I am fortunate enough to be a very inteligent and hard working person, and I have very lucrative employment.
But had it not been for my time in the military; I would most likely suffer the same fate as this young man I happened across.

I see this everyday, hard working, smart, honest white kids working for minimal cash in no skill jobs.
That’s all white men are entitled to these days – if we’re lucky enough that a Mexican doesn’t beat us to the job.

The people who have done this to us will pay one day.

The prosperity of this nation belongs to the white youth.
Our ancestors built it, and it belongs to us.
We refuse to share our prosperity any longer.

In my brief conversation with him I hinted at my white pride and pointed out that his woes are due to the color of his skin and he agreed.

We need to target the young men of this nation to join our ranks, it is they who suffer the fallout of this j00 democracy worst of all.

He and all white men like him are in my prayers.
I would like them better my side in revolt.

END QUOTE

same guy says: Good fathers make faithful daughters.

GOOD FATHERS MAKE FAITHFUL DAUGHTERS. 

took 4.44 miler

that insomnium…..i deleted it hehehe. i guess try the amon amarth nao.

so this is insomniums highest rated album, people raving about it. it sounded nice and heavy but…..it sounded just like a more boring version of DARK TRANQUILLITY. and you know why I stopped listening to THEM? BECAUSE THEY GOT TOO BORING!!!!

so this is like listening to the latest dark tranquillity albums.

dark tranquillity was a great band who had several GREAT albums: the gallery, projector, damage done, character, fiction, haven.

great band, great albums.

and there songs are way more memorable and catchy.

and then eventually they lost their luster and became less inspired, more boring, going in circles, not sounding so fresh.

i mean its good to listen to in the background….but metal is not good background music, you need something chiller. but the insomnium just doesnt GRAB you.

yes the production is good, everything is technically good….but dark tranquillity did this a LOT better on THEIR good albums.

also i like it when finnish bands dont sound so swedish. dont play it so safe. have something a little weird and finnish about them. insomnium did not. they just sounded like boring late era dark tranquillity. NO THANKS.

i mean it didnt sound BAD. i could see lots of metal fans liking this because it’s heavy, its melodic, it sounds good. but the riffs are boring and not catchy enough. INTO THE OVEN IT GOES. disappointing.

this amon amarth better be a lot better. “with oden on our side.” just pagan viking beer drinking stuff. they have been around forever but i never really listened to them. always coming out with new albums, occasionally even touring and playing shows in muh citay.

today i thought: i am to blame. she would have treated me a lot better if i had just asserted myself like a MAN and put her in her PLACE. passed the SHIT TEST in other words. been like this ends now, you don’t treat me like that. i guess you can slap the bitch in the mouth (not advocating violence or abuse hehehe). so whats the RIGHT way to put a bitchy woman in her PLACE like a MAN? cuz they LIKE a strong man who can put them in their PLACE! i imagine you cant get too MAD because that means youre losing control.  uhhh you treat them like they are the bratty sister. you can’t be like the stern father because the father CARES too much. it MATTERS too much to him.

do you just say shut the fook up bitch, you dont talk to me like that. yes. say that, but say it with kind of a smirk.

so if i had done that, been assertive, she would have chose me?

if i had STOOD UP to her BULLSHIT, the woman of muh dreams wouldnt have LEFT me?

i MADE her leave me because i was weak?!?!?!

i KNOW women HATE weak doormat men. but i still dont think I  MADE her.

but i sure wont be such a damn DOORMAT again and will handle SHIT TESTS better. be like stop this bullshit bitch, you dont treat me like that, you little brat. then give them a good spanking and then a good pounding.

if good fathers make faithful daughters, it only makes sense that bad father make UNfaithful daughters. IN GENERAL. she had a bad father. she hated cheating and she had never cheated…..but was she FAITHFUL to me, in the sense of being LOYAL? in the sense of being there for me, not abandoning me? shit NO! could I ever TRUST her again after this? FOOK NO!!! this is not cheating or betrayal….but it DOES destroy trust. and its kinda like a quasi-betrayal.

june 26

note, the dark tranquillity damage done album is a good bit heavier than the above projector album, and damage done is a great example of what insomnium seems to be aiming for…..but falls woefully short.

projector has more clean singing and is not AS heavy….but it is still great with great songs. classic songs.

maybe im confusing insomnium with omnium gatherum. maybe that is supposed to be the good one.

applied to 3 jobs on a sunday hahaha. if i want to get up to 100 jobs a month and not a mere 60, got to shoot for 3 jobs every day.

another thing i am going is grading/ranking each job posting with a grade, a, b, or c, as i bookmark it. it is a quick decision. then put a b c and any other notes in the title of the book mark

so i can quickly identify the jobs from that list that i really want to apply for, and do those first

had soem kind of weird nightmare last night that i had to force myself awake from

would still totally bang and date that woman, want to bang her more than i want to bang any other woman, she is still the secsiest woman in the world.

OBVIOUSLY i try to destroy these thoughts. because I will NEVER bang her, and many other guys will / are. get that big white ass bending over for their coch o god. TOO MUCH. and she cant even RESPOND to me. because i am a WEAK, supplicating, doormat who women hate. they disrespect this even MORE than I, the worlds biggest slut-hater, hate sluts!!!!!!

i honestly want to bang her more than some beautiful 20 year old gurl. that woman and her weird face and weak chin and 25 year old body. this is what True Luv does. Makes you want to bang this one woman, above all other women, even objectively hotter ones, for a solid YEAR after you never see them again.

you havent seen them for a year, yet you still luv them and find them hawtter than some 20 year old aryan goddess in a wheat field. this is the bond, attachment, addiction of true luv!

well at least i applied to 4 jobs on a sunday, while my competition is…..working 7 days a week hahahaha. really i have a work ethic that is WELL below average. Why do I think I deserve to make the AVERAGE wage of 14 dollars an hour?

i guess a good way to respond to shit test is to do the “suck it” “crotch chop” saying that you couldnt take the person LESS seriously. but what if it IS a serious issue? tell them to SUCK IT anyway. because you dont take them seriously. if they leave you you dont care, you have a STABLE of BETTER women. women who are THINNER, YOUNGER, PRETTIER, and DRESS better. make fun of her WEIGHT and her CLOTHES.

i was always nice to EVERYONE.  i didnt learn until i was like 21+ that being nice to women doesnt work. I had my suspicions but I still grew up treating EVERYONE nice. then wondered why women didnt like me hahahaha. i had to unlearn what i had learned in other words, get out of my comfort zone, and LEARN/practice how to treat women like shit, hahahahaha. i still have a long ways to go! because i could not be more single and lonely hahahaa.

TREAT EM LIKE THE PIGS THEY ARE!!!!!!

they just HAD to be with 4 or men before they were married, because SECS IS FUN!!!!!! #YOLOLOLOLOL

because you dont HAVE to get preggers because BIRTH CONTROL.

this is the way they think. muh dick. muh tingles. muh cl1ts. muh multiple orgasms, multiple partners.

fooking ingras.

why is the one with the super K-selected BODY so r-selected in MIND?

why is the one with such a HUHWHYTE body so INGRISH in mind?

well, theyre not like INGRAS per se, more like CHILDREN.

and ingras are kinda like children too.

ok will go for a 4.44 and listen to DARK TRANQUILLITY. hell i would rather give the newer dark tranquillity albums (we are the void, construct) a try than listen to that totes boring insomnium again. i mean i guess their hearts are in the right place, but why would you devote so much time and effort of your free time to making such boring music? better to stay at WORK, make MONEY, and have some more damn finnish CHILDREN guys. Just retire now and have more KIDS. you are getting a TERRIBLE return on investment for investing your time and effort in a BAND. most bands are like this. men who work hard and then they sacrifice their PRECIOUS free time to make mediocre music nobody likes. NO JUST NO. hang it up and just have CHILDREN instead.

a mediocre white CHILD is 900000000000000000000000000 times better than a mediocre white band. 

accepted a linkedin invite from a Bliggity Black Sales Rep I have never met.

really. being in a band is SUCH a time committment. here you are, an adult man making 20 dollars an hour, working 50 hours a week, and now you’re gonna commit at LEAST 4 hours a week to this BAND and musical stuff? if not 8? coordinating the efforts of 3 or 4 or 5 working men to meet After Work, Practice, Rehearse, etc. being in a band is not worth it unless you are a total loser at life AND are VERY talented musically.

i mean most guys in bands are making 20 dollars an hour at least as skilled tradesmen. not making minimum wage like mcdonalds ingras and neets.

so focus on making children and you will be a better FATHER than you are a MUSICIAN. MUSIC SUCKS.

did a 4.44 miler, should have done a 5 miler

it doesnt really matter that i was a weak pussy who didnt stand up to her. that STILL doesnt give her the right, still doesnt mean she’s RIGHT, still doesnt mean i deserved this, OR made her do this, OR brought this all on myself. it is OBJECTIVELY, ABSOLUTELY IMMORAL to throw away someone when you KNOW them.

it’s still immoral to treat someone you DONT know like garbage…..but it sorta makes more sense. people who barely know each other fook each other and throw each other away all the time. its HARDER to throw someone you actually KNOW away. you have more of a CONSCIENCE about it. and RIGHTFULLY SO! AS YOU SHOULD.

its almost more acceptable, less immoral, if you dont really know the person. but when you DO know the person. WOW. it takes extreme coldness to be able to do that to them.

like i could see myself pumping and dumping some slut now, just treating her like garbage and throwing her away, using her as fook meat, and then ignoring her forever……but NOT IF I KNEW HER!!!!!!!

just a crazy degen slut you meet, quickly fook, fook them a few times, realize they’re too crazy and you dont want to fook them any more, so you just ignore, avoid, block and Ghost them. but you never really KNEW them. you never really LIKED them. you werent REAL FRIENDS with them for ALMOST THREE YEARS. lucky if three weeks.

blockchain sets the same transaction fee whether you send 50 cents or 50 dollars. stupid. i assumed it would be a fixed percentage of the amount you wanted to send. apparently not.

 

FEMALE PROMISCUITY IS A WAY WORSE MORAL THREAT THAN G4Y SECS (pt 2)

june 11

hahahahah i just donated 1 dollar to STORMFRONT hahahahahahaha via bitcoin.

nothing wrong with stormfront even though TRS is kewler. I have spent a few hours reading stormfront in my life and I will probably spend a few more. even though they make 5000 dollars a month which is way more than i will ever make hahahaha.

now i donated 1 dollar to counter currents. i am really TAKING OWNERSHIP hahahaha in the pro-white resources I have taken from in muh life.

http://bbs.dailystormer.com/t/an-appropriate-view-of-women-vs-mgtow-and-r-theredpill/27754/1

FANTASTIC hahahaha

http://archive.is/VaJfB

not sure if these pages can be archived

donated 50 cents to internet archive because even this is an important thing to do. even if they archive antiwhite pages. hey also archive prowhite pages.

https://web.archive.org/web/20160611171651/http://feministing.com/2016/05/03/things-that-are-sexually-ethically-weird/

hehehehe dont read this stupid and triggering article

well archives dont capture disqus comments which is unfortunately.

donated 1 dollar to tradyouth which i think matthew heimbach is still associated with. not sure how close they are to traditionalist workers party.

sheeeit anyone else I can donate to?

managed to apply for 4 jobs on a saturday hahahahaha. the county lets you apply for the same job twice. nothing like you’ve already applied for this job. you could apply for the same job, same job NUMBER, which probably is not a GUID or something like that, ie a totally unique identifier. multiple times.

applied for county job in the county MORGUE where there would be probably lots of exposure to DEAD BODIES. JEEZ.

i can investigate the white trash teenage whores who die of fentanyl OD’s hahahaha. maybe I would come across THAT WOMAN on the morgue slab hahahahahaha. no thats really not that funny. I was implying that she would get into painkillers like her white trash peers. and she never was. but with white trash, its always a risk.

i guess I could donate to MPC. or Red Ice.

is there some kind of SLPC, antifa, doxxing campaign where you try to identify who owns what bitcoin address? because people put their btc addresses online. and anyone can look up any btc transaction. including mine hahaha. and see that i have donated to daily stormer, trs, stormfront, counter currents, all pro white racist stuff hahaha.

be like hey managerz look who muh real name is donating money too hahhaha. he is a NAZI. i dont care if people think im a nazi…….unless those people have POWER over me or they can SLANDER me publicly. i dont want random people to know i am a nazi hahahahaha. when i am semi anonymous then yeah. but openly, with my real name? only if we are INTIMATE longterm friends!

or the FEDZ now have me on a LIST because they can see that I sent BITCOIN to WEEV, who the feds put in prison and I think destroyed his home? I don’t think I’d like to be Roommates with Weev, but he is a very fascinating guy and I am very glad he is on Our Side, and I think he’s gonna stay on our side. And on the off chance he doesn’t, then I will stop giving him $5 a year hahahaha.

maybe THAT WOMAN will betray me by going on the internet and saying my real name is a nazi. hahahaha. no Im not even worried. she doesnt want anything to do with me. and she doesnt CARE than Im A Natzee.  she might even be a little racist herself. i could have molded her hahahahaha. into perfect aryan waifu who had only been with 1 or 2 guys before me hahaha.

who cares, its over. it dont matter. had some nyquil hehe. average dose now is 75% of the 30 ml dose.

june 12

wow, mudslim kills 50 people in mass shooting at gay bar in orlando florida. 50 people?!?!?! just a few hours ago they were saying 20. how does it go from 20 to 50?  horry sheet. this might be a great thing and make gays hate mudslims hahahaha just as mudslims hate gays. OR there could behuge gun grab laws in florida and elsewhere, which would be bad.

” Associates Degree is about the highest level of education the hiring manager would like to consider ” hahahahahahahahahahahah thats a new one, havent seen that in a job posting yet, till now. for a job that also calls itself “entry level” ie exactly what i am looking for.

i dont understand this. do they think the bachelors degree people are a “flight risk” because theyre gonna find a better job right away? well one look at my resume will tell them I have been underemployed consistently, if not unemployed hahahaha, for the past 11 years hahahahahahaha. no flight risk here!

just for that, i will DEFINITELY apply to this one.

ok sunday. got 16 job tabs.

see, on sundays, i don’t really want to apply for any or many jobs, but i do want to look thru indeed and find the New Job Leads.

so i found 16 and then BOOKMARKED ALL TABS and saved them in a NEW FOLDER of bookmarks with the date.

i think I should use this as a way to make a “to do list” of current jobs. just find a ton of jobs, add them to that folder, and then delete the shit from the folder when I apply.

heh i increased my monthly donation to fatherland and also wrote them a message:

quote

Dear Fatherland,

Sorry for the ridiculously small and insulting d’nation. I hope to increase it as I eventually improve my situation.

I wouldn’t mind seeing more in-depth, roundtable discussion on: what is a set-in-stone dealbreaker, vs what can/should we compromise on, when it comes to selecting/vetting a wife, and evaluating her character and her past.

For example, how many N is too many? (N = Number of “partners”.) 3? 5? 10? I want to say 3-5, but I might have to be more flexible on this.

How many nonwhite N’s are too many? I really want to say 1 is too many. But say you know an outlier, a woman who’s only been with 2 guys total, but one was black.

Also, abortion. How many abortions is too many? I want to say 1 is too many, kind of like race-mixing. I am staunchly pro-life (Catholic!) and abortion horrifies and disgusts me. It’s also insidious how it is framed as a religious issue, rather than a simple issue of life and death. You don’t have to be religious in order to find abortion abhorrent!

Anyway, I think modern women are so brainwashed, they don’t even understand how their own bodies work, and they truly don’t understand the moral implications of abortion, and truly think of it as removing a clump of cells, and not murdering a human life.

For example, say the woman has had one abortion, but eventually came to understand the sin she’s committed, and repents for it, and vows never to do it again, and has arrived at a deeper, more appropriate respect of human life. In this case, I would be willing to compromise on the Zero Abortions rule, compared to a woman who got multiple abortions and just doesn’t care.

And finally: single mothers. How do we know if she’s learned from her mistakes, or not? Some men have found single mothers who turned out to be great, loyal wives, and they’ve shared their stories on the forum….but I don’t think this is the average single mother…is it?

Basically, I view sex as the Life Creation Process, and I think many women (and men) lose sight of this. They don’t have appropriate respect for life or the process that creates it!!

OK that’s enough ranting! I am just speaking as a prospective husband and father who has had to make some difficult decisions and compromises with women. How much is too much? Where should we draw the line?

Have any of you guys had to make a very tough decision about a woman’s morality and suitability, (bonus points if you were painfully dumped at the end of it, hahaha)?

Ever been dumped by a decent woman, and how was that worse than being dumped by a not-so-decent woman?

Also do you have any ideas about communication between the spouses? I am a huge fan of communication in general. Easy to say, but sometimes very hard to do. What if someone is “Stonewalling” you or giving you the “silent treatment”? And what starts off as a “cooling off period” turns into “avoiding dealing with a problem indefinitely?” I had a situation like that, and when I made a move to communicate about it and try to fix it, the woman just walked away, and I was upset she couldn’t even make an effort, couldn’t communicate.

Anyone have experience dealing with someone who just didn’t want to make an effort? You can lead the horse to water but they absolutely refuse to drink? I am willing to lead….but they have to be willing to follow too. Also, it’s good when they are willing to work with you when the going gets tough, rather than just walk away. IMHO, this is what loyalty and commitment are all about!

If you can see my real name from Paypal, please don’t dox me, hahahaha. I am blabla on the forums in case you were wondering, but please don’t mention me at all, hahaha. I prefer being very low-key. But feel free to talk about those broader wife-selecting questions on the show. No need to respond to this message either.

I have to wonder how many Fatherland listeners are aspirational, prospective husbands/fathers. I would wager a guess of at least 30%. We realize that family and children are the best way to live out the meaning of The 14 Words, and I think that’s why we like your show so much.

It is my #1 show on TRS, that’s for sure. I have listened to every episode, and I hope to listen to many, many more!!!!

end quote

the original message was longer and contained more personal information hahahaha basically regarding me and that woman. how you could really be on the fence about her because she has at least two very big strikes against her………..but still the pros probably outweigh the cons.

i guess deep down I probably wanted to have a private discussion with the men of the fatherland about That Woman and for them to reassure me…..or not. would they say well she’s just a filthy mudshark, no WAY she’s only been with 2 guys, you dodged a bullet son…..and then I’d say but REALLY. she REALLY WAS only N=2. she’s REALLY an OUTLIER here.

that, or theyd say I fooked up by being too unmasculine. what you’re HOW old? damn son you aren’t gonna have many more chances like this! better start aiming for the 30+ single mothers!

i mean its a complicated story. lot of moving parts. lots of ins and outs. lot of calculations that can be made.

i edited out a lot of the personal details. It took a lot of guts just to send them that shorter message!

because this is a complicated situation. most women who have been with black guys have been with LOTS of black guys. not just 1 out of 2 total. that alone puts her in the top 1% of mudsharks. far outlier end. she might even view it as a mistake, then LEARN from that mistake. which itself is not typical mudshark behavior. which is more like, once you go black, you dont go back hahahaha.

so i screwed up. so it was all my fault, these fine men will say. yeah well i already KNOW to be more masculine and direct in the future. plus i dont think it really was ALL my fault.

basically, even if it were ALL my fault, it wouldn’t change ANYTHING. not even the lessons learned. it would just make me feel WORSE hahahaha.

but my point is, some women you have to go into painstaking detail. normally being with a black guy is enough to automatically disqualify a woman, becuase where theres smoke, theres fire. except when there isn’t, and the woman has enough good qualities to outweigh that. and she did.

yeah well DECENT women dont DUMP men they way SHE did!

hehehe the only way i could fully MANSPLAIN MYSELF is to go on the show, and I dont want to do that. Well…in an ideal world, where I was a confident normie, I would. But at this point in muh life, I wouldn’t want to put myself out there, on that show. I would be much more willing to do a NEETCAST however. because im closer to a NEET loser than to a 1488 husbando and fathero. dadfu. dadpai. hahaha. FATHERO hahaha fatherpai fatherfu i dunno. fat hero.

you think theyre gonna grab guns in florida!!! there are some proud white gun toting rednexxxx in florida!

how many mudslims are in florida? Also this guy was born in the us! thats what I’m saying! its YOUNGER mudslims, age 20 to 30 as of 2016, that get into this! no one over the age of 40! they didn’t HAVE radical mudslims 20 years ago, they way they do now! well, they take over countries, they take over iran, pakistan, afghanistan, iraq, etc. but now its really moving into the WEST in a way it hasnt done before.

hmmmmm not sure if that message i wrote actually got sent along with my paltry dnation hahaha. oh well I can always email or message them if i really want.

technically had a dream with her in it last night. she was not in it for very long. tons of friends i have had in my life appeared. i saw her for 2 seconds and she was nice enough to me, but she was also walking away, seemed in a hurry to get away from me. kinda like the last time I ever talked to her. she was cold and distant to me the whole time and I walked her to her car and she acted like she could not wait to be rid of me. and that was it. that was the last time i talked to her in real life.  hahahaha. sad story bro. in the dream she was a little nicer but still in a hurry to walk away from me.

and THAT is how she wants to be remembered? she couldnt walk away in a LITTLE bit better way than that? couldnt even say SORRY, i KNOW this HURTS, but i can’t take it any more and have to walk away? just say something. jeez.

basically I got a bunch of tabs from looking at the days listings in indeed.  I made this my main focus for like an hour and came up with a bunch of tabs. I was gonna find all the jobs for the day and THEN work on applying to them. I “bookmark all” tabs into the indicated folder. Now I can come back to each posting later. this folder of bookmarks becomes my new to-do list which I can of course replenish when I look at the new postings every 24 hours. throw some more bookmarks in here. and then apply for as many as possible.

I then name a note in an ongoing notes file, like a journal, of the date, the 4 or 5 jobs i applied to that day, and any ideas or notes, like, i applied with The Packet this time, etc.

and then 90% of the time you get a confirmation email. move that to an “applied jobs” folder so you can get a rough estimate of how many jobs youve applied for.

I guess you can save the bookmarks too, or delete them. right now I like deleting them.

and then hopefully you start getting another round of interviews again.

but tonnes of MJ would be good for this whole stupid process. that is only overtaken in stupidity and gayness by actually working itself hahahaha.

yeah just focus dead set for 20 to 30 minutes at looking at a looooonnnggg list of 1000 jobs and determining the jobs you should apply to. when you find one just keep going, you will apply to it later, after you get done with this scanning the list task.

and once you have a list of jobs, just apply to them in a blind rage until you dont even have to think about any more and you are just moving FAST like a MACHINE. you should be able to get thru 5 pretty fast even if they are long and stupid. you will have muscle memory at which files you need to copy and paste to and from.

and some applications will be a lot quicker than others.

and as you do multiple applications with one company, it will usually save the shit you did the first time.

I also recommend making monthly donations to people or causes you support. makes  you feel like you are a vital part of it ahahahahhaa.

like i give a dollar a week to CHURCH, I should be able to give a dollar a week to people I actually LIKE, like millennial woes, or trs, or fatherland, or daily stormer. so give them each .25 a week hahahaha. im using their stuff anyway. enjoying their content and work. why NOT give them a donation.

once I adopted this mindset, I found myself becoming more generous. jsut donating to shit that I USE but dont really PAY FOR. like give a “tip” to archive.org becuase I use them sometimes and they provide a useful service. give a tiny “tip” to “the document foundation” for providing the libreoffice software that I and many others use. Im not gonna give them a LOT of money, but just a LITTLE money. I gave archive and libre 50 cents apiece for example.

and I am onyl giving 50 cents per MONTH to MW and fatherland.  prob try to do the same for TRS. giving .10 euros a week to daily stormer. its just a bunch of TINY donations which I want to do on an ongoing basis. makes me feel like a real STAKEHOLDER in the important work of important people. this is how i make a difference in the world. by making tiny donations to people who ARE making a difference in the world.

i mean Im grateful that I am PRIVILEGED enough to donate. so I SHOULD donate, eh? its kind of like tithing. Shit I give tiny donations to CHURCH anyway! a dollar a week! 50 bucks a year! why can’t I match that with 50 bucks a year to some causes I really care about? ie racist nationalists hahahahaha. so I am gonna do that.

When I actually MADE money I would give 5 dollars a week to church. And ideally I will start MAKING money and be able to give more to nationalists. people that are serious about the 14 words. people who are creating jobs for muricans hahahaha.

when TRS or daily stormer becomes a big media company in god emperor trumps new amerika, they will see I supported them, and then reward me with an entry level job making 14.88 an hour hahahahaha.

NOT EVEN A FINALIST FOR MAILROOM CLERK

june 23

ive never seen a job posting that says DONT FOLLOW UP. I have seen “NO PHONE CALLS” which I guess might be code for that.

I bet “progressively increasingly responsibility” is CODE for dont hire losers like me who might not technically job-hop……but they never move UP in their Career because they are an unambitious loser, who just Shows Up To Work. doesn’t ATTACK their work with gung ho initiative. they might not be scared of work, but they are scared of progressively increasing responsibility. we dont want such a SLACKER. only marginally better than a JOB HOPPER.

oh sheeeeeit. this job tomorrow is 15 DAH. no WAY am I gonna get that. #Fight415 hahahahahahaha

NOICE. rejection email for MAILROOM CLERK job I applied to at least 2 months ago.

applied april 1, rejected june 23 NOICE

CANT EVEN GET AN INTERVIEW FOR MAILROOM CLERK. I was not a FINALIST for MAILROOM CLERK.

cant even be a finalist for mailroom clerk, cant even get dumped via text.

i dont care, i am a HUHWHYTE SUPR3MIST!!!! 14 WURDZ!!! HUHWHYTE POWER! HUHWHYTE POWER!!!!

Too bad I can’t use some of that Huhwhyte power to Get a Job and Get a Huhwhyte Huhwyfe, hahahahahahaha.

oh heres a good protip. some companies jobsites dont even allow you to set up a job email alert for new job postings in the area.

so now you have to go to indeed and see if you can find that company by typing company:(marxist univershitty) in city or zip whatever. then FOLLOW the company, then look in your job ALERTS, then find the company again, and then change the alert from weekly to daily. this way you will get notified same day of any new postings. also if it’s a big company in many states or cities, change that alert so its within 10 or 20 miles of your home for that company, so you don’t get alerts for jobs in fooking california or some godforsaken state where you dont live.

i saw a young blond girl at my social thing. she was definiitely under 25 and over 21. maybe 21 or 22. so ridiculously cute. had natural, long blond hair. no makeup. was not dressed like a whore, except her Jeans were a little tight. but she had this innocent look too which I liked. I said YASSSSSSS if I were hanging out with THAT gurl, I WOULD forget about THAT woman and fully get over her.

though what do i say to talk to a 22 year old gurl whos CLEARLY out of my league?? plus I think she was Fooking one of the guys in her group.  He didnt look SUPER alpha. I was a bit envious because good lord. i mean the gurl was hawter than supermodels or porno bitches or whatever The (((((Media))))) says that men think is hawt.

NO. Men think normal regular young gurls are hawter than any MODEL. But so many women are fat potatoes hhehehe.

Hey I’m no longer overweight! I’m simply asking for a woman who has the same BMI as I do!!!!

also if they have some Fat on their Belly or Hips or Thighs or Fat Ass, that’s PERFECT. just dont be a fooking shapeless stumpy potato.

apparently 70% of employers have a Pet Peeve when Candidates apply who are CLEARLY not qualified hehehe. well then they probably hate me!

interview tomorrow, havent even looked at shit yet, but i have applied for 7 other jobs hahaha.

196 jobs. soo close to the 200 mark. well this is not exact because some of those emails include 2 or more jobs, and some jobs do not send confirmation emails.

just imagine some dark, big-lipped, knuckle-dragging “google”. if he can work a job and make 15 DAH, SO CAN YOU, HUHWHYTE MAN!!!!!!!!

HUHWHYTE POWER!!!! HUHWHYTE POWER!!!!! 1433!!!!!

See this is TERRIBLE for the movement, and I am sorry guise. I KNOW you need better representation. Like the handsome, young, strong, successful young man spotted in texas wearing a TRS shirt and trump hat. He probably has a great job and a decent GF and will have a nice huhwhyte family. huhwhytes dont need NEET losers coming out in front……lest normies think that all huhwhyte 1433ers are neet losers. i mean this has already been the stereotype forever, and only in the past year or so has there been any significant progress made in changing that stereotype, and I am not helping in that regard WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!

so yeah don’t take me as a representative for the movement. they are much more successful at life than me. i wish I could be an asset to muh holy race and not a liability!

but i dont care! I will luv muh huhwhyte race as much as ever loved any huhwhyte woman, and certainly more than any woman ever luved ME!

I have a RELATIONSHIP with the HUHWHYTE RACE! a pretty healthy loving monogamous relationship! better than I have had with any woman!

it’s two sided! it supports me, and I support it!

It looks NARCISSISTIC when you project the amount of CONFIDENCE you NEED to have to SURVIVE at a bare minimum, meaning, 15 dollars an hour, and to get a woman to not abort your baby. if you dont have that natural confidence, you HAVE to fake it till you make it, and when you have to fake a whole lot of confidence like this (becuase it does take a LOT of confidence), it can look like narcissism to the unconfident, neet, loser, depairing eye.

be v10l3nt. (warning: not advocating v10l3nce.) by that I mean Have A Predator’s Mindset. Not afraid to beat the shit out of aggressors, or anyone who looks at you funny. Don’t Be Afraid To Use Violence When “Necessary”, and have a hair-trigger for determining that level of necessary. be like an google or a jihadist and beat the shit out of wimpy phaggots just because they LOOKED at you the wrong way. this is a sure sign of the confidence you need in life.

in previous generations the MEEK used to be able to survive. get a 15 dahj, and maybe even have kids with some crazy skank, or some ugly beta woman for a wife. but no more. the meek are getting slaughtered.

i mean its stupid to take a 30 question “IQ” test for a 12 dahj, then a 150 question (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY) question personality test. I mean, the tests i can understand……..if you become a Finalist just by taking the test. but I will do well on the iq test, probably do pretty good on the pers test, and still not be a finalist for a 12 dahj accounting clerk job.

hehehe there is even a warning saying dont try to game the pers test to what you THINK people would want, tehre is a measure in there that is meant to detect lying, and you will be disqualified.

oh shit waddup dat boi

b76aef22ea0161d7b26c8e731237cf3bb6cd3e1d

AYO HOL UP

see the frog speaks AAVE and I am marginalizing that hahahahah AYO AYO AW SHEEEEEIT WAADDDDDUP DOE

AAVE, sukk muh dikk damn google skypes hahahaha. its a damn frizzy haired mulatto google skype with a phd in african american studies that came up with that word AAVE i bet any money.

ingras hahahaha.

but yeah just be OBNOXIOUSLY CONFIDENT. yeah I guess to be a well rounded not OVER confident normie is best, but its hard to have that equanimity and security when you are just Faking It.

i know women like that, but i didnt realize how much employers are the same way.  like stupid bitches who just want googlish, chest-pounding narcissistic gorilla big man thuggishness.

what is the huhwhyte version of Hypermasculinity?

Maybe a Slavic Strongman? maybe something like Thor?  The Golden One? Yeah basically. these guys are big and they are RIPPED.

still havent prepared for interview at ALL. havent printed shit out, havent prepped muh Stories, havent done Jack Shit, its like a Homework Assignment from College that I’m procrastinating on.

here’s why i don’t like women:

WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE WITH 10 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

WHY DO YOU NEEEEED TO BE WITH 5 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED?

I don’t NEED to be with 5 WOMEN before I get married!!!!!!

So why do you NEED to be with SO MANY GUYS? fooking degenerates.

june 24

well had my interview at the …..education place. on paper it sounds really good. they give training in like and to employers who apparently cant do it themselves hahaha. there is a huge ass facility with big expensive equipment.

i talked with the director who was a……darn S (type of huwhyte) hahahahaha. dont want to mention too much re opsec and doxxing, because you dont see many S’s around these parts. but i of course have a hardon for these hyperboreans. while searching for his email address afterwards i found a press photo of him standing with prezident barry obongo hahahahahaha when the prez actually visited this facility during a visit to our state. because it has significance to the economy and jobz. training working class people to work with. techmology etc.

hahaha so technically i talked to a guy today who had talked to barry a few years ago hahahaha and had pictures taken for the paperz to prove it. 2 degrees of separation.

i was nervous and talked too quickly, but i did OK i guess. the interviewers were nice enough. even the S guy did not try to bust my balls or freeze me out with S coolness, hahaha.

sent the thank you email.

they said they would decide quickly, like next week.

it seems like a great place and it was pretty quiet in there, no phones ringing off the hook.

put its just part time and temporary.

technically i would probably take the nursing home backoffice job over this, just because that is full time and permanent.

hehehe i guess if they offer me, then say listen if this nursing home offers me, im gonna have to take it.

AW FOOK I forgot to ask is there a chance of this job being made permanent. its all to do with grants and funding and shit.

is there a chance of the job being made full time. well….probably not hahahaha. getting a full time job at this organization is fookin impossible. they have like 1 ft opening a year for phd-level (or at least MBA) administrators and directors and shit.

yet i interviewed for an FT job there once that only required an associates degree. I did not get it and I was pretty pissed. cuz it was with the actual department i had worked in.

had a dream last night that had That Woman, dont remember much, but we were arguing very unproductively. She was bad at me and was being a brick wall. not much different than real life, except she was willing to be a brick wall to me IN PERSON.

maybe it means even if we HAD met up, it would not be a good talk, and she would still Stonewall me.

but its so much better to be stonewalled in person than stonewalled from a distance hahahahaha. shows they are still willing to spend time alone with you outside of work hahaha.

was watching the first episode of luther yesterday. i like the show even though i wish luther was white. but idris elba plays the role well. so i just pretend he’s white. but he’s always dating/fooking these WHITE women. so I’m conflicted. I wish he would just be with other white-acting black women.

also I am WELL aware that he could make ANY white woman Go Black. White Women LOVE him and think he is the secsiest man ever. And he does have a lot of masculine charisma, and is a Big Masculine Man. I can see why the ladies luv him. but have some damn racial hygiene. but women just don’t have that in them. it’s up to men to manage the purity of the race. women will just have mud babies with any big secsy black ape hahaha.

but luther is essentially a very hwyte acting black guy. i am sure there are horrible articles out there talking about how this is problematic, that luther’s blackness is essentially ignored.

anyway, basically I just pretend he is white, and try not to bitch about his wife being a mudshark. but she is a total lawyercvnt who does a trial seperation, and luther wants her back, only now she’s fooking a new man (a white guy) and she loves him and she blames luther for the marriage failing, because he was distant and married to his work. so i say give him a damn chance, don’t dump him and start fooking a new guy! luther wants to make this work! meet luther halfway!

so luther gets upset when she dumps him, and he breaks a door in her house. does this mean luther is a bad woman beater? of course not! but when you break a damn door or punch the wall, stupid women see this as abuse, or a red flag. but its NOT. you’re just RIGHTFULLY ANGRY she is leaving you in the lurch, not giving you a chance, not wiling to make an effort, and just dumping you for another guy she’s fooking.

but luther is not really protrayed as ABUSIVE though. We KNOW he wouldnt beat HER. but we also know he is a bit unhinged and bipolar and hell yeah he’s gonna break a door. But I at least trust him not to beat her. and he doesn’t. at least not in episode 1. but he is upset and pounding on her door pleeeeasssseeee talk to me for 1 minute!!!!!!! adn she doesnt want to talk.

so i see her as a total bitch and i sympathize with luther totally. apart from him being black and her being an obnoxious humanitarian lawyercvnt. she WOULD be.

I know later he gets involved with a troubled young white gurl.

why can’t he just find a nice black gurl?

so apart from that, the show is pretty good.

also i find it weird that a woman can resist this masculine Ebony Hunk. who’s a bit of a badboi and a fixer, but he makes a great living as a ….DCS? DCI? im sure he makes good money in his detective job. you dont just start out in a job like this. he’s been Promoted many times. he is essentially A Manager. a position of Authority.

also, blaq people arent as smart as luther hahaha.

wow brexit vote leave, that is pretty interesting. that is prob a good thing. certainly us racist rightist nationalists agree the eu is bad and uk should leave it. be very interesting to see how this plays out. i mean its reason to be cautiously optimistic.

i wonder how my 401k is doing hahahaha. uh it has lost like 90 dollars from when i first started it hahahaha. what a fookin waste.

i dunno i like anything that da joos and the leftist commies dont like. and they say its onyl racist fascist nationalist uneducated FOOKING HWYTE MEN who want to leave. well looks liek the good guys won then hahahaha.

so….ok. if they offer me this job with the S , say yes i’d love to BUT be aware if I get the offer from the “assisted living facility” I will HAVE to take that, which means I will leave you in the lurch after 1 or 2 weeks.

heh. assuming I get TWO offers AT ONCE.

ok so thats NINE interviews. I guess I should expect at least 14 interviews before an offer right? 14? lucky 14? as in 1433? certainly 1433 interviews is way too much. I don’t think I’ve even done 1433 interviews in my whole life, hahahahahaha. i don’t think the biggest job hopper has done 1433 interviews in their whole life!

i wonder if i can get BANNED from (((wordpress))) just for using the number 1433. VERY PROBABLY.

i have become wat ramzpaul calls “the 1433 crowd” and I LUV it hahahaha.

ridiculous. i was being interviewed by a S who was photographed showing the same facility to barry hussein obongo. good god how ridiculous. he seemed like a good alpha male though. i like S’s (well, in theory) and he seemed like a decent guy. but I am INTIMIDATED by power and authority, because its exactly what I don’t have. Women are not so intimidated by it, but they think its SEXY. which is why they dont think Im sexy at all hahaha. I know this guy has been married for 2x years. HOPEFULLY he has at least 3 children. hopefully he is married to a hwyte , if not S woman. i would be surprised if he were married to a nonwhite. power white men in this area rarely get married to nonwhite women.

i TOLD you I was obsessed with race and being white.

took 4.44 mile powerwalk. beautiful evening. 78-80 degrees.

i would totally take her back. i simply dont have feelings for anybody else. i would bang other gurls but i just cant imagine having feelings for them. and i wouldnt want to marry or Create New Life with some broad i didnt have FEELINGS for.

like i had with her!

if she came back to me i could TOTALLY rekindle. pick up where we left off. re establish the good shit we once had. and I would put SAFEGUARDS in place to make sure this shit didnt happen again. for example, i would ask her once a month “thinking of leaving me? dont. talk to me about it first” hahahaha

and some intense poundings and spankings would be more than enough to DOMINATE her and make her be LOYAL to me. i would pound and spank the shit out of her.

ok i will tell them i have 25%? 33? 40% chance of getting this nursing home job (dont call it a nursing home, call it long term care) which is full time and permanent. whats the perfect percentage? I think about 25%.

i mean i NEVER know realistically what the percentage is anyway. 1 out of 14 hahaha. 7% chance of getting any job.

but yeah i would take her back.

in my state there are more openings, far more, for mechanical engineers than electrical engineers.

well, i’m sure either one would do well in any state.

i mean i dont give a shit about anythign but finding a good white wife. and i found one and she left me bwawawawawawawawaw. and i need to replace her with a better or at least good ENOUGH white woman to make me FORGET about her.

i mean you never forget, but you CAN move on. i haven’t forgotten about woman2012…..but really i might as WELL have for the little i think about her, and I truly don’t want her any more! i mean yeah if she came back into my life i could probably stir up some interest haha. but it just doesnt BOTHER me at ALL anymore.

the shit with woman2015, That Woman, still bothers me a LOT, every DAY.

woman2012, doesnt bother me at ALL. dont even think of her once a WEEK.

well at least i got at least 2 solid Job Leads today when I skipped applying for Jobs to go to muh interview.

the job sounds confusing as fook. i told them i have “pretty thick skin” and can handle the bantz. and can work well under pressure and not take stuff personally. hehehehe. well its TRUE that I got pretty GOOD at working under pressure at the call center. I just forget about that because I lost all muh confidence in the last 3 or so months i was workign there. because of the situation with her. i totally lost confidence in my job.

if she werent THERE at the JOB, and I were just having Problems With My Wife, i dont think it would have affected my confidence at work so much.

but to see her there ignoring me and hating me and being friendly with other guys, probably fooking them the whore, hahahah, that was too much. i hate seeing muh women rejecting me and then seeing the other guys who are my competition. who are then succeeding where I failed. i cant handle seeing any of that shit. even if theyre not rubbing it in my face per se. i just dont want to see ANY of them. well, mainly the woman. if she quit the job at that time, i would probably still be there. well, id be collecting unemployment now and i prob would be more confident about taking a new job at a new place, where i might be a level 2 or supervisor. god i hope she’s not a supervisor at HER new place. fooooook me. fook her. i wonder who shes fooking. i wonder how many guys shes fooked in the past 11 months. 1? 2? 3? 4?

THERES NO NEED TO FOOK MORE THAN 4 GUYS BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

hehehehe. no need to fook more than THREE guys.

let alone three guys in ONE YEAR!!!!!! horry sheet! DEGENERATE.

public shaming would keep women from doing this. this is why slut shaming is GOOD. we need MORE of it. it keeps women from being sluts. like if you publicly flogged, or wore a scarlet letter. it wouldnt cost the taxpayer 50 dollars a day to punish you. just a public flogging and shave your head bald. i guess a scarlet letter, how would you enforce that? that would cost too much money to enforce. but a flogging and head shave? less than one hour of 12 dollar an hour work. and you could make the woman pay for it.

we are going to flog and shave sluts heads, and we are gonna make sluts pay for it!!!!

how about locking a chastity belt on them? it would be like having an ankle bracelet. i had one hahahah. you cant just take it off. if you do, the court is automatically notified. and you pay a shitload of money for it.

pay a 10000 dollar fine for being a slut. then i guarantee you would stop being a slut. like i stopped drinking. although its more shameful to be a slut than a drunkard hahahaha. cuz i wasnt degrading my babymaker hahahaha. although i guess i could have killed somebody. still not as bad as abusing you babymaking ORGAN and, more profoundly, your babymaking ROLE. with great power comes great responsbility, and sluts abuse that power and totally shirk that responsibility, shamefully!

THEY DESERVE TO BE SHAMED!

I bet those 2 sluts I was with when I was young have been with BLACK guys! well, the first slut at least! but good chance on the second one too.

i just dont have PROOF of it, the way i do with That Woman. pictures of her getting jizz blasted on her pretty white face from idris elba hahahaha. daddies cvmmies hahahaha. that is a terrible meme.  copypasta from some submissive sluts who like to find a dominant “daddy” and then they BEG him to jizz on their faces and they call it daddys cvmmies.

well i kind of like the idea of being one of those dominant daddies hahahaha and some little slut BEGGING to get DEFILED by me. but i wouldnt marry the gurl. i would gladly enjoy a phase of degeneracy with her though!