june 1

well i feel kind of CONFIDENT right now which is GOOD, I want to feed this dog and starve the other dog of doubt and fear and weakness hehehehe. not feed that dog. you choose which dog you feed. or wolf. or whatever. if you dont know that parable, you dont deserve a job hahaha. def not a 15 dahj.

so I muh interview for the sweet city job. i didnt ask for business cards, i tried to tell some specific stories, got kinda tongue tied as usual, got the impression they wanted to move quick so tried not to ramble.

anyway i was determined to find email addresses for each person. i found one on the city website directory. i then Studied how emails seemed to be constructed for the city and used that to deduce the email of the second person. the third person was the hardest. I could not find their first name or their last name. i didnt know how to spell their last name. i had several guesses. i finally found them with a quite different spelling there. a normie would have just called and asked. anyway sent the thank you directly to them. did not include 4 documents this time. seemed like that could be overbearing.

so i felt a sense of confident accomplishment when I finally found that email address.

had a dream last night that had a gurl…..and it was NOT that woman! this woman in the dream was fictional, a petite, young, blond haired woman. MAYBE she was a composite of women 2 and 3. Maybe she was just a cute young blond woman. in it she was presenting herself to me to get FOOKED. I was like, i dont know who you are, you dont know who i am, you are certainly a crazy slut, but damn are you a qt little thing hahahaha. I shouldnt stick muh dick in crazy but I will NOT get this chance again for it could be 10 years or more. and at that point the gurl is not going to be a very qt 20 year old. so I am gonna do this. I should prob Wrap It Up Tho. I woke up before the dream went any further.

you shouldnt stick your d in crazy…..but if you have a 20 year old blond QT spreading for you, yes you should hahahaha. just wear a rubber and make her sign a waiver of consent hahahaha. and know that there is gonna be some drama afterwards. and whatever you do , do not get feelings for her, or get too used to this, because she is gonna cut you off before you’re ready to be cut off. guaranteed. so just be thankful to get one bang out of the cute crazy slut.

the people in the interview were nice enough, no hard questions really, but I rambled a bit and I sensed they wanted to move along quickly. there was another person waiting to go in as soon as I left. I tried to keep it short. but that is difficult for me. anyway it went ok and I would like this job much moar than the post office job. because its closer, there are weekends off, and most people seem fairly nice in the city hall hahahaha. whenever I go in there people seem relaxed and they arent on headsets with calls all the time looking like they want to K themselves hahahaha. they can ask other people for help.  there was a fat young man who looked like an awkward virgin. there was a cute young woman who looked like a slightly shy nonslut. but also still good looking at age 26 or so. She would be at the top of muh seduction list hahahahahahahahaha. i am sure the fat young man is hopeless in luv with her and will probably quit his job because of her hahahaha. well PROBABLY she is married. I was too busy thinking about The Interview to look for a Ring hahahaha. besides some of these Hypergamous Mercenaries don’t wear their wedding rings at work, because what if a rich lawyer or contractor comes into city hall one day hahahaha. a rich albanian man with expensive suit and bmws hahahaha who makes tons of money from smuggling drugs and secs slaves under the table hahaha. she can then monkey branch to him and throw her husband away like garbage.

see, people who arent women haters just dont think like that. because really women arent ACTUALLY THAT bad. but women haters like me THINK they ARE.

so yeah stuff like GAME and roosh seems so…2010 by this time. the old pick up artists are tired of it and the young men are asking the same questions and getting woke sooner, namely, recognizing black pill nihilist for the nihilistic garbage that it is, and saying, i dont care about banging sluts, I want to marry a nice gurl and have children. young men are MUCH more open to that way of thinking than when I was young and we just wanted to bang bitches. i think older millennials like me are much more NIHILISTIC. people that were born in my birth year. the younger kids are actually smarter and better. game and manosphere is losing interest, more and more people are tuning into the alt right. or maybe i am just saying that because thats why I am personally doing, and roosh is kind of doing it.

i cant entirely hate roosh. I read him years ago. i’m essentially part of his generation. ie an old nihilistic fart.

matt forney, well I read a lot more of him when he was in mala fide, and I think he is actually younger than me.

they just need to be more pro-white. forney and aurini. I think they are open to it but they wont ever be 1488. aurini is a great writer but I just cannot listen to his super gay voice. it is one of the most annoying voices I have ever heard. I have known a few people that talked like that and I always found that way of speaking very very annoying.

MW and TRS are my go to places now, they will show me the way. i wonder what the “next” thing will be hahaha. But this hasnt been a bandwagon thing for me at all. I have been moving slowly toward it for years.

i think racialism is a natural next phase to manosphere mra mgtow mens stuff. you go through a mens phase before you advance to the FINAL RED PILL of RACE. Also I find that this helps you appreciate women more. not hate them as much. So I can’t help but think of super mra types as being in a temporary phase. that is, i find it Problematic hahaha when they DONT treat it as a temporary stage on the way to Final Red Pill Racialism.

so yeah if i can figure this out by age 30 then so can any man. so I dont fully trust mgtows over 30 hahahaha.

But I will always like Uncle Bern, I just wish he found a decent woman and had some kidz. I think he would like to. I hate to say he’s too old……but he’s not getting younger. It’s not impossible though. just marry an ugly young white girl and start having kids right away, that would work. why ugly? well, hopefully not super ugly. but ideally he should get a gurl a full 20 years younger than him hahaha and that is NOT easy.

I mean shit I want a gurl a full 10 years younger than me haha.

but yeah read the comments on mgtow videos and its clear these guys are even bigger woman haters than i am. i dont want to be a woman hater! and I am happy that as a Huhwhyte Nationalist 1488, I don’t HAVE to hate women. women are important and good. doesn’t mean you still shouldnt be aware of the risks. doesnt mean you cant hate wh0res and sluts!

i know MJ is degen garbage but I still want to sm0ke it. I know my 1488 brethren are against it and that’s fine. but I’m the special snowflake where the rules dont apply to me hahaha. well they do, but I’m not gonna try to change THEIR minds. I essentially just want to use it to get thru my time of sorrow hahaha. use it for 3 months at a time and make time pass and get thru 1 day at a time. then quit. and hopefully at that time i will be magically more successful, and magically more over That Woman hahaha. i wouldnt go telling my 1488 buddies about it, nor would i expect them to understand, or approve.

but then I come on here and essentially I am a face for The Movement, and, as such, I should NOT be condoning something the Movement disapproves of.

in other words i am disobeying the movement. and certainly the movement, and the huhwhyte race, is 1488000000000000 times more important than sm0king MJ!!!!!!

I’m not gonna try to change the movement, im not gonna change their minds. but do I want to represent the movement? kind of. I want to make other whites more racially aware and awake. But I could never lead in the movement because of my own degeneracy and lack of achievement, and I understand that. I dont really want to lead anyway.

cant believe i never really saw dead poets society and now it is on tv and i am sorta watching it and it seems like it would be good if i actually paid attention to it hahahaha. ideally i would watch it with a nice gurl like that woman, that or watch it while totally blazed on degenerate weed hahahaha. hhehehehe. i want to get a job just so i can use it as an excuse to sm0ke w33d hahahaha.

what if it is a way to become closer to G-d hahahaha.  I could see that.

yeah just watching a movie with HER would have been really nice. i fantasized about that. sitting next to her and cuddling with her watching a tv or movie. without it ending in degenerate stuff , well the way we would do it wouldnt be degenerate. it would be the least secsy secs ever.

i hate how everything has to be secsy. thats not the way it is. thats j00ish poison saying cars have to be sexy and clothes have to be sexy and everything is supposed to remind you of fun, casual sexs. fook that shit.  fook these god damn degenerates.

i really should be paying more attention to this movie, i wuld probably enjoy it. fookin dad from that 70s show aka clarence boddicker, I didnt know he was in this. or ethan hawke for that matter. everyone plays a good role. more of an “ensemble” story than I thought. very 2 dimensional characters.  though they should give him the choice of going to harvard and being a doctor OR a lawer OR an engineer OR an accountant OR a banker OR a businessman hahahaha. there are many ways to be successful in life than just a DOCTOR. ESPECIALLY if you go to HARVARD. so his father should understand THAT at least.

also because I am a Sophisticated Cineast, I can see the parrallels between this and “picnic at hanging rock”, them both being Peter Weir pictures. Noice Australian Bloke.  Bruce Weir hahahahaha. (only me and the Aussieposting Aussies on the internet will get that joke.) knowing this will not get you a good wife or a good job hahaha. going to harvard and becoming a doctor OR lawyer OR engineer OR businessman OR banker will.

is he gonna K himself? clarences kid? dr wilson hahahaha. no he’s a good actor in this too. i hope he doesnt K himself. his father doesnt hate him, theres just a huge misunderstanding. oh that would be sad.

oh jeez i guess he did. well that sucks. live blogging me watching dead poets society.

well wouldnt it make sense more for him to just run away from home?

if i had been paying closer attention it probably would have made more sense.

anyway I will recruit whites for a white movement but I am not a leader and I will tell you right away to keep your damn MJ smoking in the closet. i am not really butthurt that they are against it. WELL, maybe I wish they would be a LITTLE more accepting of special snowflakes like me. because I’m using it as medicine to get through pain and grief, and also to get closer to my higher power hehehehe.

Can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good hahahahaha. if MJ makes me a more happy white then so be it.

well i KNOW happiness is not the highest virtue. I dont really CARE about happiness. well, i DO care about being a confident man with agency who is able to shape the course of his life. And I think a man like this is probably likely to be somewhat happy as a by=product of all that agency and confidence and awesomeness.

really what i want is CONFIDENCE.

I felt some confidence after I finished that interview (even though the interview was only about average and not GREAT) and after I found that womans email address. I even used linkedin to try to connect wiht the third woman. I really doubt she will accept. but if she does, that will broaden my network in this organization with her 300 connections hahaha.

june 2

first day in a while did not have weird dreams. nothing with that woman. nothing with any woman. good. fook women, i hate them all hahahahahaha. no jk.

applied to a few jobs today, have been slowing down there. but its a very good way to keep the Stream of Unsuccessful Interviews coming regularly hahahaha. cuz it will take them a few weeks to interview view. if they even do that.

i watch all these crime and murder shows and there are these white people doing horrible things, people cheating on their spouses, killing each other. is this normal? well its not normal for most white spouses to disappear or K each other, but what about cheating?

wwwwwhat if i went out with her, woudl she ever cheat on ME?

probably hahaha. I would be the start of Her Cheating Career hahaha. never cheated on a man before me but by the time she got with me she was jaded. she didnt care who she hurts hahaha.

stories of people breaking up and getting back together. I hear gossip and its always interesting.

like this guy I know where a month ago he had “broke up” with his GF, which had happened at least 2 times before, but now they are back together and she is MOVING IN.  he is totally in luv with her and I do not trust her at all. i dont know the full story of course. I think he is so in luv with her, but he is understandably scared to Take The Next Step to have her Move In. beyond that its all speculation. maybe she gave him an ultimatum. let me move in with you or we are DONE.

she should not be giving ultimatums like that. i dont trust her at all. I dont want him to be so in luv with her, because now she has the power to DESTROY him. he can do BETTER.

and instead of ultimatums, why not have communication? negotiation and compromise and talking?????

i hate this breaking up and getting back together. it shows you havent THOUGHT and TALKED about it enough and is just some bitch being FLIGHTY and STUPID and EMOTIONALLY RETARDED. they dont know how to Have Relationships with Human Beings. they are like 50 foot baby with juggling flaming chainsaws hahahaha. 50 foot baby getting a mario invincibility star where they K everything they touch!!!!!!!!!

and then another story of another guy. an older man (early 40s) dating a much younger gurl (uhhhh early 20s). Everyone thought it was weird but I was like GOOD FOR HIM. but i guess the gurl was a real retard. dont think she was a slut though. but nobody liked the gurl. she was weird and stupid and unlikeable.  i was worried she would flake out, dump him, and he would be heartbroken for another 10 years.  so i heard he finished it with her. i asked for clarification, who dumped who. he dumped her. i thought well GOOD FOR HIM.

BUT apparently she dumped him a few times BEFORE. then they always got back together. but finally at the end, HE dumped her. that is GREAT. well, assuming marriage and children was not a possibility. and he decided he was done with her.

I never had that. I would essentially get dumped TWICE. when I was pseudodating these gurls, they would dump me, I would be heartbroken, but also try to get back together with them, then they would make out with me and cuddle with me again, I would get my hopes up, and they would “dump” me again soon after.

i would MUCHHHHHHHHH prefer to be in the situation of me wanting to dump them.

and i think it’s interesting how he was dumped the first time, but in the end, HE dumped HER. that means his mind and his feelings changed. from very good to not so good. I never had that happen. well, not until after I was dumped and I started to h8 the bitches hahahahaha.

basically I never have felt the want to dump a woman. Always the dumped, never the dumper.

if you cheating wife gets preggers from another man and you get mad and punch the wall, then YOU are the bad guy. You are abusing her and it’s your FAULT. you MADE her cheat on you and get preggers from another man.

I hate that shit about women. They do horrible shit and they COMPLETELY BLAME it on YOU. they can’t even admit a TINY FRACTION of responsibility.

even 1%! I’m not asking them to admit 50% like a mature adult grown up! but just admit 1%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


why do they have to be so EXTREME????????? meet me 1% of the way at least!!!!!!!!!!


if they give you the option to upload a resume for a 9 dollar an hour part time job, instead go ahead and upload 7 documents like this hahahahahaha.

heh. i am still hoping THAT WOMAN looks at muh LINKEDIN profile. then I will be able to see that she did. then I will contact her and say baby come back. you can blame it all on me hahahahahaha

cuz I used to be her one and only contact on linkedin until I cut off the connection. she simply doesnt use it, although she may well start using it now that she is on an intense job search. unless she immediately got a job through a friend. which is possible. i don’t want to google search her and look at her indeed resume or her linkedin to even try to confirm. i have her linkedin page blocked with a blocking plugin hahaha.

hey excuse me for caring about somebody that i was friends with for over 2 years hahaha. it wasnt all in my mind. damn.

was a little productive today. updating my resumes on several local hospital websites. last time i did my application I was lazy and didnt put all the employers. some didnt even have linkedin links. the linkedin link is a great value add IF they go to it because it contains everything. absolutely everything. out there for the whole world to see hahaha.

684 calories over the limit yesterday just for going out for social game and eating pizza. god damn. this is how EASY it is to GAIN WEIGHT.

so think about the other person who ate the same amount of pizza, some wings, and some beerz!!!!!! that is more in that one snack that a normie should be eating in a whole day! he is trying to lose weight too and goes to the gym diligently. but its just so easy to Overeat.

Eating as much as you really want is overeating, and you will gradually gain weight until you are Morbidly Obese.

Morbid Obesity is the logical conclusion of eating what you want.

Losing Weight Slowly is the logical conclusion of being slightly hungry most of the time hahahahaha.

I hate being slightly hungry most of the time hahahaha.

oh dear god that gets better every time i read it.

heh i guess r9k had a meme of “ROASTIES”


ok ok enough of these pictures.

anyway i am happy about the older man who dumped the younger gurl, even if she is younger, because it sounds like her youngness did not outweigh her worthlessness, and i like it when men dump women for a change hahahaha.

i am worried about the guy who is in luv with his flaky crazy GF who is moving in with him. i bet she is bipolar, she is going to make his life a living hell, and dump him WHILE she is living with him. i dont want that to happen to him, but there is no way I could convince him against this.

i guess technically “ROASTIES” dont actually indicate that a gurl is a huge whore. But you might be able to make them feel very insecure about it, and establish your masculine dominance and control. and then she wont leave you in the lurch, and will be loyal and nice to you!

you have to DOMINATE women in order to make them be NICE to you!

and i am not that good at DOMINATING anybody. i really dont CARE about DOMINATING anybody.

and that is why i am a total failure with wimmin hahahahaha.

sheeeeeit just got a rejection letter from university job that would have been SICK. was not a Finalist hahaha for that sweet union full time with benefits mon thru fri 14 dollar an hour job. i bet they would have liked my shitty coat and nervous, weird demeanor if they had called me in for an interview hahahahaha. i could tell them how fun it is to be a kissless virgin hahahaha.


is this meant to suggest, this confirmation number, that i am the 622th person to apply for this job? horry sheet that would suck. can’t be the 622th person to apply this day; what about this week? this month? this quarter? all time on the somewhat new job portal for this company?

god damn sperm guzzling btich with roasties hahahaha.

well i dont even care if they have roasties, as long as they have been with less than 10 guys.

i mean 5. hahaha

i mean 3.

3 to 10. 6.5 guys.

7 guys? eeeeeehhhhh still too much for my liking.

123 applied jobs, only 19 rejections hahahaha. and then 123-19 jobs that didn’t bother to send a rejection email hahahahahahaha.

so im obviously Shotgunning resumes and not TAILORING each application with the individualized attention it NEEDS! and or there is something GLARINGLY wrong that I am just not seeing, and need to have someone else look at this shit!

but I HAVE gotten interviews!

but the interviews havent led to an Offer!

but the shittiest jobs MIGHT give me an offer!

but they havent yet! plus I am leaning heavily towards saying NO to those offers hahaha.

the WAY women have relationships, and essentially the way they TREAT PEOPLE, is just disgusting and distasteful. I would NEVER treat people like that, and I can’t believe how they have no remorse over doing things. Not even serious things per se, but still things I wouldn’t personally ever do.  like being in a pseudodating secsual rel for “a minute”, or not discouraging thirsty omega orbiters. yeah the orbiters are stupid and retarded but WHY ARE YOU STILL HANGING OUT WITH THEM? JUST TELL THEM YOURE NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you continue to hang out with them, THATS LEADING THEM ON!!!!!! STOP LEADING GUYS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANd they are always leading some guy on AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

stop being so shitty!!!!!! just treat people like HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!!!

dont just keep breaking up with a person and getting back together, have a serious grown up talk about things!

make an effort!

show even just 1% accountability and responsibility!

try to act even 1% more mature than a damn BIG BABY!!!!

just give a LITTLE! doesnt even NEED to be a LOT!

yet this is asking too much of women.

Am I asking them to be more than what they naturally are? why is what they naturally are so god damn ridiculously DISAPPOINTING???????? Can’t you just be a LITTLE disappointing and not a LOT??????


hmmm i think there is too big a rand for cyborgs, or robots for that matter too. i was hoping to get at least slightly strange. although i only added them up once. maybe i forgot to add one or two on the calculator hahahaha.

yeah its gonna be real hard to get to normie. i wish getting a loser job would give you 20 points insteaed of just 4 hahahah. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS? huge wizards and robots thats who.  so i think they would want an exclusive club and would err on the side of mislabeling a neet as a normie, ie giving more points for secs or making out with a grill or having a job. well i used to have an attractive face, hahahaha. now i just look like an old weirdo. my face got old hahaha.

yeah ok i am gonna go for a longer than 70 minute powerwalk, more like 90 min. need to burn 684 calkories hahahahaha.


the guy who created the tuffguy violent vidya game god of war 10 years ago now goes for 900000000000000 tweets on implicit systematic institutionilized sexist and patriachy of a prom photograph hahahaha. he says he doesnt even know who anita sarkeesian is hahahaha.