may 23

nile festivals of atonement. I wish they still sounded like this. traded the piling of riffs for something a little more coherent and song-like. and hey they still had some Fast Blast Beats. I am not sure why they seemed to have discarded this part of their Identity in favor of Weird Riffs and Incomprehensible songs. but did they really DISCARD it? no not really. they just added more crazy riffs.

hehe. received rejection letter for part time city job which I took 2 tests for and had an interview for but which I wasn’t sure if I were interviewing for the PT job, or for a damn eligibility list. i dont even know if THEY know. All I know is that they sent me an email rejecting me for the PT job that I didn’t think I was REALLY interviewing for anyway.

BUT I still have an interview NEXT week for the FT job with the same people!!!!!! I am just a little confused hahaha.

had a few days to Sleep On that Water Billing Complaining Negroes job. Still leaning towards no, but I would be leaning towards yes if it were only 12 miles away instead of 24 hahahaha.  or if i knew how much it paid hahaha.

Personal Experience Study
For this study, please take a minute or two to recall a particular incident in which you had power over another individual or individuals. By power, we mean a situation in which you controlled the ability of another person or persons to get something they wanted, or were in a position to evaluate those individuals. Describe the situation in which you had power -what happened, how you felt, etc.

I have done a similar task in the past week asking about a situation of power, but I’m not sure it was this same task. I will answer pretty much the same way. I generally feel very powerless in most if not all situations, in that I am at other people’s mercy. I have never really had supervisory or managerial power over other employees, and I am a bit frustrated at my lack of power. I am not a power-hungry person, but I feel that by a certain age in your life, it is a reflection of personal success, hard work, and intelligence, to have risen to a position of SOME power over younger or less experienced people, and I do not have that. I suppose there could be a less-authoritarian sense of power if you are the Leader of a group, and I don’t really have that.  In social situations however, I don’t feel like I am being coerced, and that I do have a sense of equality, equal footing, that my opinion matters as much as my friends, there is a sense of democracy and autonomy on my part. However there is no power OVER anyone, simply, all of us have the same amount of power and autonomy.

then it showed me a video on how to open a bottle of wine. I already kinda knew how but I never had anybody EXPLAIN it to me. I appreciate having things explained so I feel like I am learning Best Practices and not some damn Feral Child.

I think of the obscene, pornographic things that go through my mind sometime, like saying to a woman, “IS THAT A FAT ASS THAT WANTS TO GET FOOKED! OH YEAH. NICE FOOKABLE LITTLE ASS ON THAT WH0RE. U WANNA HARD C0K TO FILL UP THAT FOOKABLE FAT ASS U LITTLE BUTT SLUT??!?!?!?!” and then I think of some OTHER man saying it to THAT WOMAN and her saying OH YEAH and bending over like a dirty butt slut.

it is not a good line of thought hahaha.

I have a tendency to “hoard” a little bit in that I have trouble throwing things away and occasionally clutter can build up. I would put the pen into “storage” IE somewhere in a box where I might forget about it. If I ever came across it years later, then I probably wouldn’t have such an emotional attachment and I’d be able to throw it away easily. An important teacher is a valuable thing, but do I still have an ongoing relationship with the teacher? Has he directly helped me in some concrete way, or did I have an actual close relationship with the teacher? Did I go to office hours, get to know him, him get to know me, talk about our careers, get career advice? Did he write me a letter of recommendation or help me get a job? Or did I just go to his class and think he was a really good teacher? The closer the relationship, the harder it would be to get rid of the pen.


I have struggled throughout my adult life with my perceptions of women. When I was in college, I considered myself a feminist and was convinced men and women were the same, and that gender differences were completely socially constructed. As I grew older and got out of the university, I couldn’t avoid the glaring differences between men and women any more, and my perspective gradually changed. Now I am completely anti-feminist and I believe in appreciating and understanding the natural differences between men and women. I don’t think we should try to make men and women completely alike. We should respect our differences and see each other as complementary, not exactly the same. In educated, professional company, my true views would certainly be viewed as “sexist”, and I have come to accept that I probably AM a “sexist.” However I am no longer personally ashamed of it, as I have come to believe that the real world is sexist, fundamentally, and it’s improper of humans to try to “fix” this. Feminism is a very Marxist approach to force absolutely equality in which absolutely equality is not a healthy, desirable outcome, and I believe the tensions between men and women today are a result of trying to “uplift” women into roles that they are really not happy with, despite all the media and educational push to have more female CEO’s and executives, more women in STEM, women coding academies, and all that. I think the “wage gap” is largely a myth and is a result of women’s personal preferences and choices. I would prefer to see women focus less on career and competing with men, and more of women focusing on home and children. I have the greatest respect for women and it saddens me to see the modern world encouraging women, in the name of seemingly good things like freedom and equality, to do things that in the long run, will make women (and men!) unhappy and disengaged. I hope this progressive zeitgeist is just an anomalous blip in our history, and that the pendulum will swing back to more traditional gender roles. In short, I believe traditional gender roles reflect reality MUCH better than the absolutely gender equality promoted by feminists.

Please feel to contact me through MTurk if you would like to discuss further. This is a topic I am very passionate about, but it certainly stands in stark contrast to attitudes that are prevalent in the university, and which you yourselves will probably find backwards and appalling. This is why I am very careful who and when I express these opinions to, and I would not share them if there were not anonymity and confidentiality in this study. You have probably heard of “Mens Rights Adovcates” or MRA’s, who I’m sure you have a very negative opinion of, but I would also point to the “Alt Right”, r/K selection, and some evolutionary psychology as a theoretical foundation which makes a case for more traditional gender roles.


This is somewhat related to the excitement dimension. I imagine excitement and curiosity go hand in hand. I am not terribly curious about much either. I feel my natural curiosity has gone down since I was a child. This might have to do with depression as well. I might be tired of searching for answers and results, and I just want answers and results already. I used to be interested in abstract thought and considering many different possibilities. Now I get overwhelmed and anxious when confronted with open-ended, complex problems. I feel very indecisive and I feel like it’s very difficult to learn new things, figure things out, and make decisions.

hey now I am getting paid 10 cents for my navel gazing!!!!!!!!

I have NOT done this exact same study, but I have done other studies recently in The bla bla Lab, having to do with political attitudes. Not sure what the study was about. I am much more “racially aware” than average white people and I feel a strong ingroup identity with whites. This is controversial and would probably be viewed as racist, so I don’t go around talking about these things publicly. I think racial identity is important and this is one of the reasons I do not personally support interracial mating. I think it is unfair to the child, who is torn between two worlds and two races. Certainly Yusef probably felt conflicted in his racial identity. Also see cases like Elliott Rodger, who was an Asian-White mix and did the Santa Barbara shootings about 2 years ago. Also we don’t know for sure that Yusef was half white. We don’t know much about his mother other than her name is Green? She could be African-American or maybe racially mixed herself.
I am generally against a multicultural society. I think the more groups we try to include, the more conflict. The melting pot is a nice ideal, but it doesn’t work in practice. I am probably anti-democratic and somewhat fascistic even. I would gladly give up my own right to vote to live in a more stable, monocultural, traditional society. I don’t hate people of other races, but I do put my own race first, and I think the more homogeneous a society is, the more peaceful and stable it will be. Diversity always leads to conflict.
My views could probably be labeled “Alt Right” or nationalistic. Detractors would call these views fascist or racist, and they wouldn’t be entirely wrong. I get along with people of all races but in general I believe there is too much ethnic and cultural diversity in the Western world. I would like to see the US be more like Poland or Hungary in terms of being more resistant to diversity and multiculturalism.
I would be happy to discuss further with the researchers and would love to have dissenting viewpoints like mine discussed in academic studies. I’m not sure if I represent a “silent majority” but I think the rise of Trump is tapping into very real thoughts and feelings of many people, which academics, the media, the government should take seriously, rather than write us off as bitter clingers, gun-toting white Christian rednecks in flyover country, etc. I do think there is plenty of accuracy in stereotypes, but I would not describe “us” as “bitter.”
Also I am somewhat concerned how my controversial political and racial opinions might be influenced by my own lack of success in life and career. Maybe this is all a way of acting-out in reaction to my own sense of powerlessness, so I am adopting a victim status, and being seduced by a charismatic leader.
This probably has something to do with it, but I think more of it simply had to do with me getting older and trying to compete in a competitive world.

went for nice 70 minute walk like a b0ss. hopefully got some vitamin D.

may 24

You have completed the main part of the survey. Before finishing we have an additional request for you which is unrelated to the rest of this survey.

As you probably know, the percentage of voters in the United States presidential elections is relatively low. In 2012 only 55% of the voting age population casted a vote for a president. What could the government do to promote voting in the next presidential elections?

You can write as many ideas as you like. When you are done click ‘next’ to continue.:::::
I am a bit of an outlier here. I am not sure the government should do anything to increase voting. I have my doubts about democracy as a system. I think the vote should be restricted to to married people over age 25, who have children, who work full-time, possibly who own their own home. I think voting is a major responsibility that not every person about 18 is really qualified to do. At the very least I would put a higher age limit on voting, like age 25 as opposed to age 18. My political views changed drastically between 18 and 25.

I am unsure people have the maturity and long-term decision-making skills to choose what is best for the nation. I think many people will choose what is best for their individual short-term interest, and the cumulative impact of all these decisions do not promote long-term stability, security and progress of the nation as a whole. Voters can be easily seduced and influenced by opportunistic politicians. Therefore I would like to see voter turnout reduced by at least 50%, with the restrictions I mentioned above. Also, since we have such lax standards on voting, and so few people are STILL turning out to vote, I think that is a self-selection process which is probably a good thing, in other words, I probably wouldn’t want those people voting anyway.

I would be very willing to restrict my own right to vote, especially since I don’t meet all the criteria I specified above. I believe that voting is a very powerful right that should come with more serious responsibilities than it does. I don’t think the voting age should have been lowered to 18. I might even restrict voting for unmarried young women, as detailed above, and have each family vote as one, rather than each person casting one vote.

I am somewhat concerned with well-qualified voters who are underconfident in their qualifications and thus stay home and do not vote….but this is probably a minority of the people who choose not to vote anyway, and can probably be safely ignored.

I am happy to discuss these rather controversial views at greater length if interested. Please contact me through MTurk if interested. Good luck with your study!

Ideally I would like to be employed full time and making a living wage. Right now I am minimizing expenses by living with family and relying too much on my emergency fund, but I am admittedly at a relative low point of my life and would really like to pull myself out of it. I also have a history of depression and anxiety which makes coping with the normal problems of life very challenging, and which has contributed to a vicious cycle of struggle, failure, and underachievement.

good times hahahah.

In the space below, please write about your life story, as if you’re the hero of your life story.

I do not feel very heroic at the moment unfortunately. I am at a low point of my life as I struggle to find new employment and overcome feelings of personal and professional rejection and very low self-confidence. I feel like a weird outsider who is incapable of doing the bare minimum of life. I am at least getting invitations to job interviews and I am gradually showing more confidence there, but I have not received any job offers yet.

I had a pretty normal childhood with a supportive, loving family. I did well in high school and went to a well-known university. At that point I started going downhill and developing bad attitudes and habits. I graduated with a useless social science degree and a very bad attitude. Ever since then I have struggled massively with the basics of life. I have not established any kind of career trajectory and bounce around from entry level job to entry level job. I am ashamed to talk about my education, that it will make me look like a failure, that I startd out so promising, and did not live up to my potential.

It is also very important to me to have a marriage-like relationship with a woman and have a family someday. I have not even come close to that. I would have liked to have been married by age 27 at the latest, but at age 3x, I am single, lonely, not interested in anyone, and taking a very long time to get over a somewhat recent heartbreak.

I am trying to get a job that does not involve being on the phone with customers more than 50% of the time. I can deal with customers, but to deal with a constantly ringing phone and nonstop phone calls as in a call center, I had a very bad experience with that and I don’t want to return to a job like that.

i was watching law and order with jerry orbach and benjamin bratt and there is a thing where some boys had their initials spell out KILLALLK!KES hahahahahahahahaha and I thought that was pretty kewl.

i mean, i thought it was abhorrent and i am sure this antisemite will go to prison and get pounded in the 4ss hahaha.

mccoy? i thought sam waterston was a j00 hahaha. hmm not j00ish at ALL. english and scottish. well good for him. I am disappointed my radar was off tho. Imean he has bushy eyebrows, beady eyes, and a big nose. oh well. nothing inherently wrong with busy eyebrows .