june 15

had a dream with the PREVIOUS woman, woman 2012. where i was making out with her and getting ready to STICK IT IN, and she was like oh yeah stick it inme hahahaha she was very ready and willing. now she was not a slutty or secsual gurl at all, almost asexual. but i liked that she could be horny for me hehe. of course in real life she had no such interest in me. she was always nice to me and even hung out with me on occasion but we never became super close friends. i was always way more interested than she was but she was too nice and inexperienced to say say yeah i just dont want to hang out as much as you do.

well eventually she figured it out and was mature and courageous enough to say something and i said yep yeah you figured me out, i like u, aw shucks. and that was the end of that. but i appreciated that she was open and communicative and mature about it, so there was no real hard feelings there.

i would MUCH rather have a secsy dream with HER than ANY sort of dream with THAT WOMAN! hahaha.

aw sheeeeit. meeting with stupid tech recruiter, my least favorite kind of people, in 2 days. I am doing it just to keep practicing interviews, and i will be sure to tell him NO CALL CENTERS. TELL HIM NO CALL CENTERS.

and then he’ll say aw shucks thats too bad, cuz all i have are call centers, as far as the eye can see.

” Not only will this person take the role of a BA, but also a System Analyst where they are creating and taking requirements, asking questions, deep diving into each requirement to understand the landscape & suggest alternatives. This is NOT a role for someone who is not comfortable working on their own. This is a non-hand holding role!!  ”


DEEP DIVING. understand the landscape. NON HAND HOLDING ROLE hahahahaha.

figure it out on your own, moron, or youre fired.

is the average american even smart and clever enough to do this? dont most people do shitty in school? how can they think on their feet where basically everything is a tough trick question? how can average proles do this? this is challenging even for average white people!

but it was fun making out with woman 2012 in the dream. she was receptive to me there, but not in the way that suggests she’s that way with tons of men.

oh dear it looks like the latest fatherland is gonna bitch about me dnating one fecking quarter hahahaha. yeah well wait till they see that I upgraded it to 2 fecking quarters. EVERY MONTH.

whatsamatter normie, your too good for neet money hahahahaha.

the host jim does like to BITCH a lot hahahaha but he’s still a good guy. I know he means well. hey you almost were a neet at one time too, GUY.  this fookin guy. go work in a call center for your family hahahaha. see if you can still do your white dadcast then. see if your wife wont abandon you because youre a nervous wreck hahaha. then you can become a neet like your brother.

got a call from a black woman at the nursing home where i applied for HR assistant. talk to them TOMORROW heh.

human resources assistant at the nursing home. where old white people go to die under the watch of NAM’s hahahaha.

well black women luv me in general. they might want to hire me as their pet white boy. and then dump shit on me hahaha.

did i mention this indian tech recruiter just called me as well. i have gotten 3 unsolicited calls today. i think it is because i recently updated my res and was active on both careerbuilder and monster.

heh. just scheduled an Interview for tomorrow and i dont even care. not even nervous.

i sent them the packet i think.

and a 4th unsolicited call from a gd tech recruiter hahahaha. fookin assholes.

fook tech, fook anything computer related, the end.  basically, if you want to talk to a tech person on the phone, you will be guaranteed that they dont know what theyre doing. nobody knows what theyre doing because the whole field is a clusterfook. the only people that do know what they are doing are like startup founders, maybe.

you dont need to train people when you can just hire good bullshitters!

these fooking RECRUITERS! its gotta be that careerbuilder and or monster. so weird i get these indian guys calling ME to try to sell me into a tech call center job hahahaha.

how are these people Finding Talent? why can’t BIG COMPANIES like XEROX do their own Talent Recruitment? They get some indian working for SilverXis Tech Recruiting to find people as quickly as possible to fill the Xerox call center. IT just confuses the HELL out of me.

i guarantee you these recruiters aren’t finding better people than the companies do.


maybe they DO find better people.

i can’t believe its because the recruiters can afford to buy access to Careerbuilder’s Secret Leads. If Bumfook Tech Recruiters of cleveland can afford access to Careerbuilder, then so can xerox. so can bla bla Expanding Growing Insurance Company. It just all sounds Fishy As Fook to me. there is SOMETHING I dont know, and I am too low to EVER know.

stupid b on viceland “states of undress” calling these russians HOMOPHOBES. they’re not AFRAID of gays, they probably dont even HATE gays, so much as  they just dont want to CELEBRATE gayness 24/7, and if you dont want to do that, then youre a homophobe. or you dont want your kids teachers to be Gay Activists.

of course you should be homeschooling your kids!

how degenerate IS the average gay? I met a few gays that weren’t that degenerate. but a lot of gays ARE degenerate or just straight up crazy. bipolar and shit. worse than WOMEN. i dont want to be encouraging these people. heh i want to ENCOURAGE them to keep it in the closet.

or how about be gay, just don’t be (overly) degenerate about it. Get married to your first secs partner and stay monogamous for life. dont rack up thousands of ay secs partners. strive for a LOW NUMBER.


Oh wow, crush on a friend, that can be rough. I had a similar situation recently and it did not end well! I eventually had to tell the person because…well, it’s complicated of course haha. I was giving pretty obvious signals and they were giving kind of obvious signals back that they were not interested in me in that way, and they just wanted me to forget about it. Of course I could not forget about it and I kept pushing them to talk to me about it, so we could have at least one big conversation about it, each of us say what we want to say, and try to move past it. I felt a great desire to talk, however she did not want to talk at all, and the friendship/relationship ended right there, with her refusing to talk to me whatsoever. I was pushy and awkward and weird, but I still feel resentful for her not talking to me. I never understood how painful the silent treatment was until I experienced this!

So to try to apply that amusing anecdote to your situation, haha. My first question is, are you showing your friend any kind of signals? For me, when I get feelings for somebody, it’s impossible to hide it. So do you think your friend knows about your feelings?

If they do, are they willing to talk about it? It will probably be a very awkward, nerve-wracking, uncomfortable conversation, but I strongly believe its one of those uncomfortable conversations that shouldn’t be avoided.

Basically I swore to myself that I would never let this happen to me again, and if I ever got feelings for a friend again, and they were acting kinda ambivalently to me, I would “blurt it out” and just tell them directly. They probably already have an idea, but they might be trying to avoid talking about it, because it’s an uncomfortable conversation. For me though, the conversation was absolutely necessary. For them, it wasn’t. Maybe you can think about how necessary such a conversation would be to you. Some people are fine just having nonverbal signals, but me personally, I need the awkward conversation to tell the whole truth with words. Your personal preferences might be different! 🙂

However I think it’s great when two people can talk about their feelings and their relationship like adults without avoiding each other, and just dealing with issues openly and honestly.

I can definitely understand your feelings, all too well!! And I would definitely feel horrible if my crush was not interested in me, but they WERE interested in some other mutual friend, like it sounds like is the case with you. I would personally limit my interaction with both people, cuz just to see or talk to them would be very painful, I would be constantly reminded of how they did not want to be with me.

When I get a crush, it’s usually pretty serious, hahaha. It’s pretty much full-blown true love that leaves me devastated and heartbroken, and I want to save you some of that pain in the future!

So I would think about having a honest conversation with your friend sooner rather than later, and see what they say and how they feel. But please understand I am not a professional.

Good luck and feel free to share more information or stories! 🙂


young gurl has a crush on her male friend. or it could be another gurl, who knows. but crush on a friend, that is my wheelhouse tottally.

june 16

had interview for back office, human resources, payroll job with the nursing home. the nursing home has middling reviews because they dope up the seniors and leave them to die hahaha. i mean nursing homes are sad places period, its inherent, the only people that like the nursing homes are the rich jooish nursing homes.

all i cared about was that the people I talked to were nice, and they WERE. thank god. the black girl at the front desk was nice. everyone was black hahahaha. well there was a white woman administrator and a black woman administrator that i had the interview with. they were both all right. I did ok and it was probably my least autistic interview. and with less than 24 hours notice!

I sent them thank you note already. They seemed to like me. no really hard questions. I am like a politician anyway, I don’t actually answer the stupid questions they are asking anyway hahaha.

anyway I am not so much on the fence here like i am with the damn post office. if the nursing home calls me back, i will take the job for sure. it’s really close to home, like insanely. its a days schedule. no split shifts, no midnights.

i saw some old people who were not in great shape. but i would rather look at suffering dying old people, a memento mori if you will, hahaha, rather than answer calls all day and not know what to do.

i guess it could get problematic when dealing with employee contracts, ie the unionized nurses and such in the nursing home, and me having to udnerstand god damn union contracts. hey not my problem, talk to your steward hahahahahahahaha. its possible I could be in a union too. which is probably good. that means i cant be fired right hahahahaha.

not that I’m a union man by any means, boss! These fookin layabout and commies are gonna put us ALL out of jobs!

You know me boss, I am NOT a union man what so ever!

but yeah i felt pretty good, pretty CONFIDENT, after I got done. that was a GREAT feeling I hadn’t felt in a WHILE. Just straight up Confidence. Is THAT what NORMIES feel ALL THE TIME? its like being on DRUGS!!!!!!!

I wish I could feel that every day, or every other day at least.

commenter sez quote:

While I agree that these vile instincts are present in man kind (and in this instance namely women).
I still can’t help but cast harsh blame on the group who causes our people to turn towards such degeneracy.
Simply knowing that we are better than this, and knowing how far our people have fallen enrages me.
It’s amazing how people act around me, I’m quite vocal on my positiion of white superiority, when I come across downtrodden whites, or cross paths with white degenerates I know (one way or another) they always seem to straighten up around me, this is because I tell them every time I see them that they are white and that we are expected to hold ourselves to the highest standards.
When they see me they act white.
It is my firm belief that all whites – even our most j00 mind warped ones; know deep down that they are superior and that they are better than the current person they were caused to be.
One only needs to them; and be amazed how quickly whites clean up their act.
We need to get our message out into the world, whites need to hear that they are better than any role this current shit filled world has to offer them.

end quote

on zerohedge article about “soft prostitution” ie college gurls selling their bodies to pay for college. anyway I am totally with this guy, i favorited his comment hahaha. and pasted it here.

not super relavent to the days news (orlando, and now a leftist mp in UK assassinated by a brexit right winger yikes), but ALWAYS relevent to my own interest in da wimmin.

had a dream last night where i was on a long bus that was more like a train. i went to the front of the bus and who was driving it but STEFAN MOLYNEUX. I was like oh wow I actually know who you are (everyone else on the bus was people I knew IRL and probably they have no idea who he is.) And I was like welp you and me are gonna have a talk. because molyneux is just my vending machine for stimulating conversations hahaha and will talk to me about interesting stuff at my beck and call hahaha.

but yeah there is possibly a lot of symbolism here. stefan molyneux is driving the bus of my life hahahaha.

i more or less enjoy stefan and I especially like how he has been gradually moving alt-rightward and i liked the stupid meme that says he wrote “culture of critique”, and I like this picture:


but I am concerned about him being 25-50% jooish hehehehehe. also sometimes he seems like a woman-hater, and he has huge mommy and daddy issues, but I do like some of his call-in “therapy” conversations. BUT I don’t like his defoo bullshit. But I think he is open to change, and some of the changes he’s made recently are promising. and he’s definitely an interesting guy. better to listen to him than watch talmudvision hahaha. wish I could have sat around and watched molyneux with muh female friend. oh we could cuddle together and listen to TRS podcasts and watch millennial woes and have meaningful sacred relationshipsecs with each other……

yesterday i had some woman-hating thoughts, i thought, its RIDICULOUS. women are like EVIL, MOUSTACHE-TWIRLING COMIC BOOK VILLAINS.  Like just pure evil in every way. Then I figured that’s too comical. they are evil in a dark, satanic, horrifying way, kind of similar to da j00s. blaspheming the holy. making the sacred profane and the profane sacred. TOTAL MORAL INVERSION.

like secs to me is a huge deal, its like a religious experience, ive only done it a few times and it has changed my life. it feels very intimate and special to me. but women treat it like NOTHING. like taking a DUMP. just a bodily function, no big deal.

they treat peoples HEARTS, treat PEOPLE, and relationships, like expendable, worthless, replaceable, interchangeable things. callously dump some guy, break his heart, just don’t care, and be FOOKING a new guy within a few days. its sinful and evil to a HORRIFYING degree, I can’t even COMPREHEND it. this is how evil they are.

they are capable of deception, lies, and murder in the highest degree! they murder their babies which grow inside them! they lie to people for years! they can do a 180 on you at any time! past niceness is no indicator that they wont do a total 180 on you and disappear forever, or cheat on you with 600000 guys!

so yeah its like someone who is evil in every way, just pure evil embodied, incapable of good, like satan, that’s how evil EVEN NICE SEEMING women are!!!!!!!

kind of like j00s. da joos are by far my least favorite race. i just think they are evil. they take everything good and holy and pervert it and ruin it. they are not merely annoying, but they represent a moral and spiritual threat. As a moral man, da joos are my ENEMY because their morality is a total inversion, desecration of my morality. the satan comparison is very apt.

and it seems like women are very j00ified in this regard, and thats sad and infuriating and sad. our women are better than this….. but da joo is very good at corrupting our women. making our women evil and disgusting like THEM.

basically women are DEGENERATE, like the J’s. DEGENERATE in the way they have secs, the degenerate fake pseudo “relationships” they have which make a DEGENERATE MOCKERY of human relationships, human dignity. these degenerates have no dignity, they spit in the face of dignity and Goodness, the same way Da Joos want to boil Jesus Christ Alive in a cauldron of Shit and Piss and Jizz. its disgusting and pure evil. you don’t treat people like this. it’s not overt like beating the shit out of somebody, and in a way, beating the shit out of somebody is BETTER. kinder. less evil. the evil these women do is basically Emotional TORTURE. and you have to be a sick j00ish SADIST to TORTURE people!!!!!! like god damn j00 eli roth making “TORTURE PORN” movies.


moreso than these eli roth films, the term torture porn would better describe the sick, twisted relationshits these women have. torturous because its painful and horrifying and nightmarish. porn because it’s a sick degenerate mockery of secs and luv – making the sacred profane and making a mockery of the dignity of human life. 

i guess after being abandoned and used as a cvm dumpster, the women are gonna try to ruin men the same way they feel ruined. there is this mutiilation album called “remains of a lost, dead, cursed, ruined soul” or something hahahaha and that is how I view women. and that is what they want to turn the people they meet into.  lost dead cursed ruined souls

what else. talk to this recruiter tomorrow morning, gotta get up early and go thru traffic. damn.

got an email from “the mutual friend”, ie the person who was friends with both me and That Woman, and That Woman and I used to meet up with this mutual friend and chit chat together. I am still on good terms with the mutual friend, well, emailing them back and forth. I told them the whole sad story and thankfully did not overwhlem them with those long emails, because the mutual friend is touching base with me again. and i have not blubbered any sadguy shit about that woman. I won’t mention that woman again unless the mutual friend asks.

I think That Woman is avoiding the mutual friend as well. I think the mutual friend might have appreciated a long email from That Woman, like I sent long emails to the mutual friend. but good luck getting that woman to TALK TO YOU. The best you’ll get is a damn text saying “hope your doing good lol yes of course well hang out soon <3”

and thats the best your* gonna get! and if you want her to ACTUALLY hang out, then your* being pushy hahahaha.

also I wanted to say, I’ve been listening to moar goatwh0re and IM SORRY all the mean things I said about their singer ben.

I’m SORRY if I said anything bad about their “new” drummer as of “a haunting curse” because he is a very very good drummer. he’s just different than the first drummer, who I grew up with.

that is, I recently brought “a huanting curse” back out and thoroughly enjoyed it. that was the album where I started losing track of the band. But I really shouldn’t have. Its a good album and I enjoy it now more than I did when it came out in 2006/7.

so now the time is right for me to try the 3 albums which came AFTER that!

But I will say about ben: another pet peeve I have is that hes in there TOO MUCH. cramming every beat of every song with damn lyrics.

these eyes bleed as they watch this desecreation of this abominable abortion upon this eve of the sadistic moon whereupon these grave-vermin reflect these perversions towards these smoldering oblivions of this constricted defiling crumbling this decay.

I mean you could write a PROGRAM to write these lyrics, JUST SAYIN hahahaha.

but SOME of the lyrics are good.

And Bens voice is good too. I can’t fault him for being TOO ambitious, can I???!?!?!?!

He is a very commanding singer, so he is ALWAYS singing. writing a 6000000 page BOOK of lyrics for every song. IMHO this is not necessary, and it ultimately distracts from sammy’s guitar. Ben is technically good, but he’s just TOO MUCH. Ben is good but Sammy is better. His stream of catchy, evil riffs is so satisfying that you sometimes just want to say SHUT UP BEN just so you can hear more of sammys riffs hehehehehe. He was dfeinitely influential on my own attempts at songwriting. One of my fav metal guitarists for SURE. an excellent metal songwriter. ANd BLATHERIN BEN just gets in the way of it. I would take Ben aside and give him Constructive Criticism in the form of a feedback sandwich: You’ve got a great voice and a lot of good lyrics, you just need to take a breather once in a while. LESS IS MORE BEN. LESS IS MORE. And stop saying this so much. let sammy sing more and let sammy write more lyrics and let sammy proofread your lyrics and just be quiet and let sammy’s riffs be heard. Don’t you think Sammy  is an Outstanding Riffmaster? Don’t you just want to sit back and admire Sammy’s awesome riffs? so do we ben, so do we.  but we appreciate everything you’ve done. you’re a decent guy and I even had your PARALYSIS album on TAPE. Why don’t you bring back those cookie monster vocals sometimes too? but don’t cram the song with them from beginning to end. try not to sing for more than 70% of the songs duration. not every riff needs vocals on top of it.  LESS IS MORE.

thats what i would say to him.

and on a haunting curse sammys sweet riffs are on full display, but this album was where it became harder for me to fully appreciate them because of ol blathering ben yak yak yaking away.

it is also possible sammy’s awesome riff ratio went down there, but I’d rather not think that.

ok i gotta do a powerwalk here.

anyway all that hateful stuff i was saying about women……that is part of muh cognitive distortions. women arent really THAT bad, and not all women are THAT bad. even the worst women arent AS bad as satanic j00ish monsters hahahaha. which isnt to say women cannot get poisoned by satanic j00ish monsters!

i mean theres not a j00 within 10 miles of here but they still poison us through the televitz and the media and cultcha in general!

cuz its not like young women are watching hours of tv a day. but they are texting away on shitty torture porn pseudo relationshits all day hahahaha.

but yeah not all women are even satanic horrible demons. even she isnt. although what she did a demon would have no problem doing. heck she probably does feel bad about it! well maybe she felt bad about it for a week and then GOT OVER IT hahahaha.

i mean look the mutual friend who sends me nice email. SHE is a woman! and shes very nice, and STILL nice to me! of course she is a 55 year old woman and I am not in LUV with her!

but yeah its always hard to get through the end of a rel, and a broken heart, especially when you are the one whose heart was broken and you didnt want the rel to end AND it ended in a bad way. like that phaggy song says, when a heart breaks it dont break even hahaahhahahaha. meaning her heart didnt break at all.

bitcoin is SOARING TO THE MOON. I don’t have much left, I have been selling it back for ZOGbux hahaha. I sold 60$ of it at once, but I didn’t think it would CONTINUE soaring as high as it has. I thought it would start doing some bearish shit by now.

is it because china is buying up tons of btc right now? i dunno.

should I not be selling? well i have already sold 85% of muh coinz.

ok better go to bed, get up early and talk to the recruiter. at least this is a white guy and not a damn indian hahaha. tell him no call centers. tell him i got a 60% chance at getting a Day Shift, Weekends Off job less than 5 miles from my home. No Call Center. BEAT THAT, PHAGGOT hahahahaha.  although I really have more like a 0.0000000000000000001% chance of getting that job hahaha.  damn shabbos goy slave to da jooz.



june 3

had dream about a woman, thank god not THAT woman, but that “one who got away” in college and i regret not making an effort with her because she was cute and nice to me and not a high number whore at that time. she would have been fun to cuddle with and make out with and hang out with and maybe have as a GF hahahaha. she was really cute and white as hell. and nice and never bitchy.  and not a high number slut hahaha.

so in the dream she was showing some interest in hanging out with me, but I was very busy for whatever reason, and I was worried that by the time I would be ready to hang out in like a week, she would no longer be interested.

i guess i could have met her for like an hour and said listen babe i am so busy, i got exams and I am applying for grad skool (we were still in Kollige in the dream). I can give you an hour right now but next week we can spend some serious time. I will make you dinner and shit.

well that would be too supplicating hahahaha and she would lose interest anyway.

heh the best way to keep her interest, when you worry she might lose interest in a week, is to just meet with her for an hour in your busy life, bang her HARD, then be like baby, i got to get back to WORK, im an ambitious successful man making good deals, so call me next week and I will bang you twice as hard. see ya wouldnt wanna be ya hahahaha.

that is the proper response to that. of course you’ve ruled her out as wife material immediately because she gave it up to you too fast, because she ALWAYS gives it up too fast. technically its HER fault but a woman would NEVER admit when antyhing is HER fault.

but yeah she was cute, and nice, and not stumpy or potatoey, and had beautiful white skin, very cute face, very nice body, she was always laughing and smiling and never bitchy to me, she liked to partake MJ too. I wish I had just hung out with her, partook MJ, watched movies and chilled with her, before she became a crazy careerist slut over 30 hahahaha.

WELL….I was conflicted, because my male friend had actually dated this gurl around that time. He was done with her by that time and probably wouldnt have minded at all if i wanted to give her a try hahahaha but I just felt weird about it at the time. he was a truly a good guy and I had a good connection with him and i hope he is doing well, and found a decent woman and became a father. I would worry about him falling for a crazy bitch though.

so THAT is my excuse, also I was honestly involved with drama with about 3 other women. no i wasnt banging them. yes they were all rejecting me hahahaha. i did make out with 2 of them though. but I didnt even THINK about this other woman. and so naturally now I worry that she is “the one who got away.”

well she didnt REALLY get away. She only lives 60 miles away from me. except now she’s 30+ and has taken a lot more dix.

hmm. turns on TRS forum has become the Hottest Alt Right forum on the internet and you now need to be INVITED to even sign up. dayum. this just happened in the past month. so you plebs can’t see the posts and you just cant sign up. you need to be INVITED by a full member, like me hahaha.

applied for part time job at local university. this is prob muh #1 dream employer but it is nto easy to get a job here at all.

this is the univ i should have gone to, just got a damn business engineering math degree hahaha. the school is pretty srs, they even offer medical (DO) degrees now. possibly even an MD but for sure DO.

so anyway in that dream, there was no touching or fun. the best was i saw the gurl for like a minute, then was stressed the whole time whether or not i would have another chance. i was not sitting there in the dream hanging out with her for hours and cuddling or making out or anything. just 95% worrying that it was over before it even began hahahahaha.  this is normal for my dreams hahaha. and my real life hahahaha.

ok 6 job applications today. i dont have any interviews coming up and got to get some more in there.

ok you want a phone number from a job i had over 10 years ago. fook you. I will write NA and the program will accept that for the required entry hahahaha.

ya god damn dumb shitty bitch hahahahaha.

hahhaha i used to censor ALL bad words. now i just censor fook. because who gives a fook. your wife has a mouth like a sailor and has had 10000000 sailors IN her mouth.  salty seamen hahahahahaha.

and i can be plenty offensive without saying fook hahahaha.

how about when you want to get out of a long ter relationship that obviously is important to the other person, you tell them SORRY and you say yeah I know it hurts to end a long term rel. we had a significant long term rel and i acknolwedge it meant something to YOU at least, so I am sorry to hurt you.

acknowledge that this relationship meant something to me. acknowledge muh pain. understand that you meant something to me.

i think she DOES uderstand all this. against, its just a matter of cowardice. lack of moral courage.

well, the good news is, once you get used to doing like at least 5 stupid applications per day for a few weeks, it becomes a less excruciating routine. you just accept it and copy and paste and look shit up. it gets easier in other words. no less stupid, but easier.


here is a great idea:

sometimes job sites limit you to the number of documents you can upload. SO you simply make ONE document with ALL your documents innit.

its amazing the majority of people are employed!

well wait a minute, actually they arent. alot of people are students.

alot more than half the people are making less than the average money per year, which is like 34 grand a year.

oh sorry its like 28 grand in 2011. per capita income. which is like 14 bucks an hour.  which is less than the fight for 15 hahaha.

horry sheet i was making MORE than that!!!! SHE was making more than that! WE WERE ABOVE AVERAGE!!!!!!!

Listen to me! show some remorse! show some sympathy! show that I was important enough to you to do something courageous for ME!!!

that the relationship was important enough to YOU for you to show a little backbone in trying to do the good karma thing. treat ME like i meant something to you, treat the relationship like it meant something to you. cuz i think it DID. it WASNT all in my head.

june 4

yeah its just discouraging and horrifying that somebody can be by your side and totally with you…..and then just detach and distance themself from you. they dont care about you any more. the warmth and caring they once gave to you and which you enjoying so much and was so valuable to you, you dont get any of that any more, and they give it to other people. they could care less about you. and its all your fault because you pushed them away hahahaha. everything is always your fault with women.

this is so disgusting. because like women falsely accusing men of rape cheapening the real rapes, women blaming men for EVERYTHING kinda cheapens those times when men really ARE at fault, and they beat and abuse women. and then kind gentle men who would never abuse women feel horribly guilty for doing something to push a woman away, and they feel like they are on the same level as the guy who beats his wife and molests his children.

i wasnt courageous enough. well she was even less courageous. i was courageous enough to talk to her. that’s all the courage i wanted from her.

oh well you live and learn. live and learn hahahaha. next time i get feelings for a female friend I will tell her. check in early and check in often. tell them about this cautionary tale and say, we should talk about this every month just to check in. it can totally happen and I dont want my life to be ruined again.

i mean i want the person i marry and have chirren with and spend the rest of muh life with, i want to feel about them the way i felt about her. a total, all in commitment. it was an EASY DECISION TO MAKE, because I was THAT certain. I want to be that certain about someone.  its this uncertain one foot out the door bullshit that causes j00ish degen bullshit like open relationships. people treating human beings like objects hahahaha. devaluing human life in every way.

its the man who is always so strongly anti abortion because MEN understand and respect the value of human life. women just see it as an inconvenience to muh body muh choice. muh freedoms.

and she can talk to her co workers and be like yay we have the best team ever i luv all u so much, and not care about me, and let me drown. i used to be more important to her than just some fellow co worker, then I got downgraded from real life friend to work friend. THAT HURTS!!!!! have you ever been DOWNGRADED from real friend to just work friend? it SUCKS. you have a RIGHT to be UPSET about it. it HURTS a LOT.

and you still see the person every day at work so its not like you can avoid them and pretend they dont exist. because you see and hear them every day.

well she thought she could avoid me and pretend i didnt exist, even though she saw me eery day. She was willing to do that. I was not willing or able to do that AT ALL. because I wanted to talk to her, I didnt want to avoid her, plus i could see and hear her. it drove me CRAZY REALLY FAST.  yeah ok i  reacted very emotionally but she COULD have not avoided me like that.

i dont blame her entirely….but i do blame her partially hahahaha.

there is a huge void in muh life and really the only thing that can come CLOSE to filling it is MJ hahaha. I always found something comfy and cozy and intimate and warm fuzzy from using MJ. that was really my relationship simulator, or relationship substitute.

it was a lot better than having some bitch run through the relationship simulator with me hahahaha. cuz MJ can’t leave you and break your heart hahahahahaha. and you can do something long term with it. it will always be there for you hahahahaha.

also i dont appreciate being treated like a Weird Stalker who deserved to be avoided, when I was a Longterm Friend who just wanted to Talk about a Mutual Problem.

now my judgment is off, and i will feel like a weird stalker for wanting something PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE.

heh. my judgment is off enough as it is, especially regarding wimmin.

this loss might be worse than a death, and it might even be worse than CHEATING. cuz there’s NEVER a good excuse or justification for cheating. you can EASILY make the cheater into the bad guy, and hate them, and get your closure that way. that dirty awful cheater didnt deserve me. but when they just leave you….you are left with nothing. but confusion and self doubt. and there are valid reasons for just up and leaving someone, namely they are abusing you or being really bad to you that you just need to ESCAPE them. so you start to think you were like that. you blame yourself a lot more.

sure you ALWAYS blame yourself for being too omega and too phaggy and too feminine and too weak and that MAKES them lose interest…..but this is different than merely losing interest!

also, you can lose interest after 2 months, but its kinda hard to lose interest after 2 years.

2 years is a LOT different than 2 months.

i just want someone to say yes i know this hurts you a lot. your pain is valid. not something like well you shouldn’t be so upset about her. maybe not, but i AM, so ACCEPT it. and dont tell me not to be upset.

its not THAT hard to understand.

i mean shit if i could force myself to not be so hurt by this, dont you think i would have DONE IT?

back on TRS once again. so many great threads there but I dont really want to share them outside of the forum, probably a bannable offense, and I dont want to be banned hahaha.

ok I will post this tho:::::


When people talk about “being in love,” they are generally talking about the 3-18 month period at the beginning of relationships where floods of exciting chemicals like oxytocin, adrenalin, dopamine and serotonin hit people like a bag of bricks whenever they’re around each other/think about each other. People’s brains do this to reduce inhibition so they’re more likely to procreate. “Being in love” is fooking intoxicating and you basically feel like you’re on drugs just by being around another person + sex is usually involved so that’s pretty great too. That said, this altered state eventually subsides and normal thought patterns take over. At that point, the continued success of the relationship is determined by how compatible their interests, goals and personalities are. So after the initial burst of passion period, the rest of a relationship can be defined by a general fondness for one another and the appreciation of a shared partnership and hopefully the cooperative experience of raising children.

tl;dr: love as portrayed in movies is real but it fades with time because its measurable physiological effects are just there to get you to put a bun in her oven. The second stage of love takes a more effort to maintain since you’re not just riding a high together but it’s calmer and really quite comfy.


in response to an 18 year old autist asking about is it possible to really feel true luv or is that just another j00 lie.

NO ITS NOT. And its sad that these young men dont know that, because they have never felt it.

but this response, from a proper mature whyte man, is very very good. true luv is real, but its also ridiculous, and you should expect this honeymoon period to end.

MY issue is, it never did. with me there was never any secs involved or the shit ended well before i was ready. well before the 18 months. shit i wish they DID last 18 months! the FEELINGS certainly lasted 18 months, but the “rel” ended WELL before that.

well shit ok i am past the 18 month mark from when i first fell in luv with HER, which was like in sept 2014. now it is june 2016 and i have made some progress hahaha.



june 1

well i feel kind of CONFIDENT right now which is GOOD, I want to feed this dog and starve the other dog of doubt and fear and weakness hehehehe. not feed that dog. you choose which dog you feed. or wolf. or whatever. if you dont know that parable, you dont deserve a job hahaha. def not a 15 dahj.

so I muh interview for the sweet city job. i didnt ask for business cards, i tried to tell some specific stories, got kinda tongue tied as usual, got the impression they wanted to move quick so tried not to ramble.

anyway i was determined to find email addresses for each person. i found one on the city website directory. i then Studied how emails seemed to be constructed for the city and used that to deduce the email of the second person. the third person was the hardest. I could not find their first name or their last name. i didnt know how to spell their last name. i had several guesses. i finally found them with a quite different spelling there. a normie would have just called and asked. anyway sent the thank you directly to them. did not include 4 documents this time. seemed like that could be overbearing.

so i felt a sense of confident accomplishment when I finally found that email address.

had a dream last night that had a gurl…..and it was NOT that woman! this woman in the dream was fictional, a petite, young, blond haired woman. MAYBE she was a composite of women 2 and 3. Maybe she was just a cute young blond woman. in it she was presenting herself to me to get FOOKED. I was like, i dont know who you are, you dont know who i am, you are certainly a crazy slut, but damn are you a qt little thing hahahaha. I shouldnt stick muh dick in crazy but I will NOT get this chance again for it could be 10 years or more. and at that point the gurl is not going to be a very qt 20 year old. so I am gonna do this. I should prob Wrap It Up Tho. I woke up before the dream went any further.

you shouldnt stick your d in crazy…..but if you have a 20 year old blond QT spreading for you, yes you should hahahaha. just wear a rubber and make her sign a waiver of consent hahahaha. and know that there is gonna be some drama afterwards. and whatever you do , do not get feelings for her, or get too used to this, because she is gonna cut you off before you’re ready to be cut off. guaranteed. so just be thankful to get one bang out of the cute crazy slut.

the people in the interview were nice enough, no hard questions really, but I rambled a bit and I sensed they wanted to move along quickly. there was another person waiting to go in as soon as I left. I tried to keep it short. but that is difficult for me. anyway it went ok and I would like this job much moar than the post office job. because its closer, there are weekends off, and most people seem fairly nice in the city hall hahahaha. whenever I go in there people seem relaxed and they arent on headsets with calls all the time looking like they want to K themselves hahahaha. they can ask other people for help.  there was a fat young man who looked like an awkward virgin. there was a cute young woman who looked like a slightly shy nonslut. but also still good looking at age 26 or so. She would be at the top of muh seduction list hahahahahahahahaha. i am sure the fat young man is hopeless in luv with her and will probably quit his job because of her hahahaha. well PROBABLY she is married. I was too busy thinking about The Interview to look for a Ring hahahaha. besides some of these Hypergamous Mercenaries don’t wear their wedding rings at work, because what if a rich lawyer or contractor comes into city hall one day hahahaha. a rich albanian man with expensive suit and bmws hahahaha who makes tons of money from smuggling drugs and secs slaves under the table hahaha. she can then monkey branch to him and throw her husband away like garbage.

see, people who arent women haters just dont think like that. because really women arent ACTUALLY THAT bad. but women haters like me THINK they ARE.

so yeah stuff like GAME and roosh seems so…2010 by this time. the old pick up artists are tired of it and the young men are asking the same questions and getting woke sooner, namely, recognizing black pill nihilist for the nihilistic garbage that it is, and saying, i dont care about banging sluts, I want to marry a nice gurl and have children. young men are MUCH more open to that way of thinking than when I was young and we just wanted to bang bitches. i think older millennials like me are much more NIHILISTIC. people that were born in my birth year. the younger kids are actually smarter and better. game and manosphere is losing interest, more and more people are tuning into the alt right. or maybe i am just saying that because thats why I am personally doing, and roosh is kind of doing it.

i cant entirely hate roosh. I read him years ago. i’m essentially part of his generation. ie an old nihilistic fart.

matt forney, well I read a lot more of him when he was in mala fide, and I think he is actually younger than me.

they just need to be more pro-white. forney and aurini. I think they are open to it but they wont ever be 1488. aurini is a great writer but I just cannot listen to his super gay voice. it is one of the most annoying voices I have ever heard. I have known a few people that talked like that and I always found that way of speaking very very annoying.

MW and TRS are my go to places now, they will show me the way. i wonder what the “next” thing will be hahaha. But this hasnt been a bandwagon thing for me at all. I have been moving slowly toward it for years.

i think racialism is a natural next phase to manosphere mra mgtow mens stuff. you go through a mens phase before you advance to the FINAL RED PILL of RACE. Also I find that this helps you appreciate women more. not hate them as much. So I can’t help but think of super mra types as being in a temporary phase. that is, i find it Problematic hahaha when they DONT treat it as a temporary stage on the way to Final Red Pill Racialism.

so yeah if i can figure this out by age 30 then so can any man. so I dont fully trust mgtows over 30 hahahaha.

But I will always like Uncle Bern, I just wish he found a decent woman and had some kidz. I think he would like to. I hate to say he’s too old……but he’s not getting younger. It’s not impossible though. just marry an ugly young white girl and start having kids right away, that would work. why ugly? well, hopefully not super ugly. but ideally he should get a gurl a full 20 years younger than him hahaha and that is NOT easy.

I mean shit I want a gurl a full 10 years younger than me haha.

but yeah read the comments on mgtow videos and its clear these guys are even bigger woman haters than i am. i dont want to be a woman hater! and I am happy that as a Huhwhyte Nationalist 1488, I don’t HAVE to hate women. women are important and good. doesn’t mean you still shouldnt be aware of the risks. doesnt mean you cant hate wh0res and sluts!

i know MJ is degen garbage but I still want to sm0ke it. I know my 1488 brethren are against it and that’s fine. but I’m the special snowflake where the rules dont apply to me hahaha. well they do, but I’m not gonna try to change THEIR minds. I essentially just want to use it to get thru my time of sorrow hahaha. use it for 3 months at a time and make time pass and get thru 1 day at a time. then quit. and hopefully at that time i will be magically more successful, and magically more over That Woman hahaha. i wouldnt go telling my 1488 buddies about it, nor would i expect them to understand, or approve.

but then I come on here and essentially I am a face for The Movement, and, as such, I should NOT be condoning something the Movement disapproves of.

in other words i am disobeying the movement. and certainly the movement, and the huhwhyte race, is 1488000000000000 times more important than sm0king MJ!!!!!!

I’m not gonna try to change the movement, im not gonna change their minds. but do I want to represent the movement? kind of. I want to make other whites more racially aware and awake. But I could never lead in the movement because of my own degeneracy and lack of achievement, and I understand that. I dont really want to lead anyway.

cant believe i never really saw dead poets society and now it is on tv and i am sorta watching it and it seems like it would be good if i actually paid attention to it hahahaha. ideally i would watch it with a nice gurl like that woman, that or watch it while totally blazed on degenerate weed hahahaha. hhehehehe. i want to get a job just so i can use it as an excuse to sm0ke w33d hahahaha.

what if it is a way to become closer to G-d hahahaha.  I could see that.

yeah just watching a movie with HER would have been really nice. i fantasized about that. sitting next to her and cuddling with her watching a tv or movie. without it ending in degenerate stuff , well the way we would do it wouldnt be degenerate. it would be the least secsy secs ever.

i hate how everything has to be secsy. thats not the way it is. thats j00ish poison saying cars have to be sexy and clothes have to be sexy and everything is supposed to remind you of fun, casual sexs. fook that shit.  fook these god damn degenerates.

i really should be paying more attention to this movie, i wuld probably enjoy it. fookin dad from that 70s show aka clarence boddicker, I didnt know he was in this. or ethan hawke for that matter. everyone plays a good role. more of an “ensemble” story than I thought. very 2 dimensional characters.  though they should give him the choice of going to harvard and being a doctor OR a lawer OR an engineer OR an accountant OR a banker OR a businessman hahahaha. there are many ways to be successful in life than just a DOCTOR. ESPECIALLY if you go to HARVARD. so his father should understand THAT at least.

also because I am a Sophisticated Cineast, I can see the parrallels between this and “picnic at hanging rock”, them both being Peter Weir pictures. Noice Australian Bloke.  Bruce Weir hahahahaha. (only me and the Aussieposting Aussies on the internet will get that joke.) knowing this will not get you a good wife or a good job hahaha. going to harvard and becoming a doctor OR lawyer OR engineer OR businessman OR banker will.

is he gonna K himself? clarences kid? dr wilson hahahaha. no he’s a good actor in this too. i hope he doesnt K himself. his father doesnt hate him, theres just a huge misunderstanding. oh that would be sad.

oh jeez i guess he did. well that sucks. live blogging me watching dead poets society.

well wouldnt it make sense more for him to just run away from home?

if i had been paying closer attention it probably would have made more sense.

anyway I will recruit whites for a white movement but I am not a leader and I will tell you right away to keep your damn MJ smoking in the closet. i am not really butthurt that they are against it. WELL, maybe I wish they would be a LITTLE more accepting of special snowflakes like me. because I’m using it as medicine to get through pain and grief, and also to get closer to my higher power hehehehe.

Can’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good hahahahaha. if MJ makes me a more happy white then so be it.

well i KNOW happiness is not the highest virtue. I dont really CARE about happiness. well, i DO care about being a confident man with agency who is able to shape the course of his life. And I think a man like this is probably likely to be somewhat happy as a by=product of all that agency and confidence and awesomeness.

really what i want is CONFIDENCE.

I felt some confidence after I finished that interview (even though the interview was only about average and not GREAT) and after I found that womans email address. I even used linkedin to try to connect wiht the third woman. I really doubt she will accept. but if she does, that will broaden my network in this organization with her 300 connections hahaha.

june 2

first day in a while did not have weird dreams. nothing with that woman. nothing with any woman. good. fook women, i hate them all hahahahahaha. no jk.

applied to a few jobs today, have been slowing down there. but its a very good way to keep the Stream of Unsuccessful Interviews coming regularly hahahaha. cuz it will take them a few weeks to interview view. if they even do that.

i watch all these crime and murder shows and there are these white people doing horrible things, people cheating on their spouses, killing each other. is this normal? well its not normal for most white spouses to disappear or K each other, but what about cheating?

wwwwwhat if i went out with her, woudl she ever cheat on ME?

probably hahaha. I would be the start of Her Cheating Career hahaha. never cheated on a man before me but by the time she got with me she was jaded. she didnt care who she hurts hahaha.

stories of people breaking up and getting back together. I hear gossip and its always interesting.

like this guy I know where a month ago he had “broke up” with his GF, which had happened at least 2 times before, but now they are back together and she is MOVING IN.  he is totally in luv with her and I do not trust her at all. i dont know the full story of course. I think he is so in luv with her, but he is understandably scared to Take The Next Step to have her Move In. beyond that its all speculation. maybe she gave him an ultimatum. let me move in with you or we are DONE.

she should not be giving ultimatums like that. i dont trust her at all. I dont want him to be so in luv with her, because now she has the power to DESTROY him. he can do BETTER.

and instead of ultimatums, why not have communication? negotiation and compromise and talking?????

i hate this breaking up and getting back together. it shows you havent THOUGHT and TALKED about it enough and is just some bitch being FLIGHTY and STUPID and EMOTIONALLY RETARDED. they dont know how to Have Relationships with Human Beings. they are like 50 foot baby with juggling flaming chainsaws hahahaha. 50 foot baby getting a mario invincibility star where they K everything they touch!!!!!!!!!

and then another story of another guy. an older man (early 40s) dating a much younger gurl (uhhhh early 20s). Everyone thought it was weird but I was like GOOD FOR HIM. but i guess the gurl was a real retard. dont think she was a slut though. but nobody liked the gurl. she was weird and stupid and unlikeable.  i was worried she would flake out, dump him, and he would be heartbroken for another 10 years.  so i heard he finished it with her. i asked for clarification, who dumped who. he dumped her. i thought well GOOD FOR HIM.

BUT apparently she dumped him a few times BEFORE. then they always got back together. but finally at the end, HE dumped her. that is GREAT. well, assuming marriage and children was not a possibility. and he decided he was done with her.

I never had that. I would essentially get dumped TWICE. when I was pseudodating these gurls, they would dump me, I would be heartbroken, but also try to get back together with them, then they would make out with me and cuddle with me again, I would get my hopes up, and they would “dump” me again soon after.

i would MUCHHHHHHHHH prefer to be in the situation of me wanting to dump them.

and i think it’s interesting how he was dumped the first time, but in the end, HE dumped HER. that means his mind and his feelings changed. from very good to not so good. I never had that happen. well, not until after I was dumped and I started to h8 the bitches hahahahaha.

basically I never have felt the want to dump a woman. Always the dumped, never the dumper.

if you cheating wife gets preggers from another man and you get mad and punch the wall, then YOU are the bad guy. You are abusing her and it’s your FAULT. you MADE her cheat on you and get preggers from another man.

I hate that shit about women. They do horrible shit and they COMPLETELY BLAME it on YOU. they can’t even admit a TINY FRACTION of responsibility.

even 1%! I’m not asking them to admit 50% like a mature adult grown up! but just admit 1%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


why do they have to be so EXTREME????????? meet me 1% of the way at least!!!!!!!!!!


if they give you the option to upload a resume for a 9 dollar an hour part time job, instead go ahead and upload 7 documents like this hahahahahaha.

heh. i am still hoping THAT WOMAN looks at muh LINKEDIN profile. then I will be able to see that she did. then I will contact her and say baby come back. you can blame it all on me hahahahahaha

cuz I used to be her one and only contact on linkedin until I cut off the connection. she simply doesnt use it, although she may well start using it now that she is on an intense job search. unless she immediately got a job through a friend. which is possible. i don’t want to google search her and look at her indeed resume or her linkedin to even try to confirm. i have her linkedin page blocked with a blocking plugin hahaha.

hey excuse me for caring about somebody that i was friends with for over 2 years hahaha. it wasnt all in my mind. damn.

was a little productive today. updating my resumes on several local hospital websites. last time i did my application I was lazy and didnt put all the employers. some didnt even have linkedin links. the linkedin link is a great value add IF they go to it because it contains everything. absolutely everything. out there for the whole world to see hahaha.

684 calories over the limit yesterday just for going out for social game and eating pizza. god damn. this is how EASY it is to GAIN WEIGHT.

so think about the other person who ate the same amount of pizza, some wings, and some beerz!!!!!! that is more in that one snack that a normie should be eating in a whole day! he is trying to lose weight too and goes to the gym diligently. but its just so easy to Overeat.

Eating as much as you really want is overeating, and you will gradually gain weight until you are Morbidly Obese.

Morbid Obesity is the logical conclusion of eating what you want.

Losing Weight Slowly is the logical conclusion of being slightly hungry most of the time hahahahaha.

I hate being slightly hungry most of the time hahahaha.

oh dear god that gets better every time i read it.

heh i guess r9k had a meme of “ROASTIES”


ok ok enough of these pictures.

anyway i am happy about the older man who dumped the younger gurl, even if she is younger, because it sounds like her youngness did not outweigh her worthlessness, and i like it when men dump women for a change hahahaha.

i am worried about the guy who is in luv with his flaky crazy GF who is moving in with him. i bet she is bipolar, she is going to make his life a living hell, and dump him WHILE she is living with him. i dont want that to happen to him, but there is no way I could convince him against this.

i guess technically “ROASTIES” dont actually indicate that a gurl is a huge whore. But you might be able to make them feel very insecure about it, and establish your masculine dominance and control. and then she wont leave you in the lurch, and will be loyal and nice to you!

you have to DOMINATE women in order to make them be NICE to you!

and i am not that good at DOMINATING anybody. i really dont CARE about DOMINATING anybody.

and that is why i am a total failure with wimmin hahahahaha.

sheeeeeit just got a rejection letter from university job that would have been SICK. was not a Finalist hahaha for that sweet union full time with benefits mon thru fri 14 dollar an hour job. i bet they would have liked my shitty coat and nervous, weird demeanor if they had called me in for an interview hahahahaha. i could tell them how fun it is to be a kissless virgin hahahaha.


is this meant to suggest, this confirmation number, that i am the 622th person to apply for this job? horry sheet that would suck. can’t be the 622th person to apply this day; what about this week? this month? this quarter? all time on the somewhat new job portal for this company?

god damn sperm guzzling btich with roasties hahahaha.

well i dont even care if they have roasties, as long as they have been with less than 10 guys.

i mean 5. hahaha

i mean 3.

3 to 10. 6.5 guys.

7 guys? eeeeeehhhhh still too much for my liking.

123 applied jobs, only 19 rejections hahahaha. and then 123-19 jobs that didn’t bother to send a rejection email hahahahahahaha.

so im obviously Shotgunning resumes and not TAILORING each application with the individualized attention it NEEDS! and or there is something GLARINGLY wrong that I am just not seeing, and need to have someone else look at this shit!

but I HAVE gotten interviews!

but the interviews havent led to an Offer!

but the shittiest jobs MIGHT give me an offer!

but they havent yet! plus I am leaning heavily towards saying NO to those offers hahaha.

the WAY women have relationships, and essentially the way they TREAT PEOPLE, is just disgusting and distasteful. I would NEVER treat people like that, and I can’t believe how they have no remorse over doing things. Not even serious things per se, but still things I wouldn’t personally ever do.  like being in a pseudodating secsual rel for “a minute”, or not discouraging thirsty omega orbiters. yeah the orbiters are stupid and retarded but WHY ARE YOU STILL HANGING OUT WITH THEM? JUST TELL THEM YOURE NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you continue to hang out with them, THATS LEADING THEM ON!!!!!! STOP LEADING GUYS ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANd they are always leading some guy on AT ALL TIMES!!!!!!!!!!

stop being so shitty!!!!!! just treat people like HUMAN BEINGS!!!!!!!

dont just keep breaking up with a person and getting back together, have a serious grown up talk about things!

make an effort!

show even just 1% accountability and responsibility!

try to act even 1% more mature than a damn BIG BABY!!!!

just give a LITTLE! doesnt even NEED to be a LOT!

yet this is asking too much of women.

Am I asking them to be more than what they naturally are? why is what they naturally are so god damn ridiculously DISAPPOINTING???????? Can’t you just be a LITTLE disappointing and not a LOT??????


hmmm i think there is too big a rand for cyborgs, or robots for that matter too. i was hoping to get at least slightly strange. although i only added them up once. maybe i forgot to add one or two on the calculator hahahaha.

yeah its gonna be real hard to get to normie. i wish getting a loser job would give you 20 points insteaed of just 4 hahahah. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS? huge wizards and robots thats who.  so i think they would want an exclusive club and would err on the side of mislabeling a neet as a normie, ie giving more points for secs or making out with a grill or having a job. well i used to have an attractive face, hahahaha. now i just look like an old weirdo. my face got old hahaha.

yeah ok i am gonna go for a longer than 70 minute powerwalk, more like 90 min. need to burn 684 calkories hahahahaha.

the guy who created the tuffguy violent vidya game god of war 10 years ago now goes for 900000000000000 tweets on implicit systematic institutionilized sexist and patriachy of a prom photograph hahahaha. he says he doesnt even know who anita sarkeesian is hahahaha.




[but i do officially recommend being religious and ESPECIALLY being ultra conservative!!!!!!]

june 13

merry crimbo hahahahahaha

oh wow here’s a new one, they demand THREE letters of recommendation before you can even SUBMIT your application. well, with a salary in the mid to high 30s, they SHOULD hahahaha.

i pulled up something that was given to me in my Layoff packet over two years ago, that wasn’t really a recommendation, more like saying he wasnt terminated for cause, there was a restructuring and he was laid off to cut costs, we hope you give him every consideration hahaha.

got ELEVEN job apps done by 3 pm. WOW. JUST WOW.

rather than delete the bookmarks, i move the bookmarks to a new subfolder called, very sensibly, “completed applications” hahahaha. i can always delete that in the future.

did not have a dream about HER last night, although I did dream about naked women and it was pretty much pornographic. even though I haven’t looked at pr0n in 7 months. I chalk it up to just generally being Horney and Thirsty and not having touched a woman in 10 years hahahaha.

of course after i woke up I thought, wouldn’t it be nice if I could have had luving secs with That Woman, and had her sit on my face, and just grab her as I buried myself balls deep into her cvnt with her big fat thighs wrapped around me and her big fat ass sitting on me etc etc oh god i should never be thinking about that.

BUT she wasnt actually in the dream thank god.

then looked for jobs, got thru indeed for the day, had a longass list of way more than 11 jobs, and started blasting through them, and got through 11. good enough. way better than 4 or 5.

doing some laundry for the first time in like 2 or 3 weeks hahaha.



I generally have very strong opinions about abortion, as indicated in the study. Even though I am politically conservative and somewhat religious, I think being anti-abortion is neither inherently conservative nor inherently religious. Therefore, I like to encourage secular and/or leftist anti-abortion groups….of which there do not seem to be many, unfortunately. My view is that you don’t need to be conservative or religious to consider abortion immoral, and I am not happy about pro-choice groups have tried to frame it as a strictly religious issue…..when it really isn’t. For example, atheists can be opposed to violence and aggression, and no one says things like assault and murder are strictly religious issues.

Personally, I think abortion represents a huge misunderstanding and disrespect for human life, and that is is comparable to slavery in terms of immoral things that are legalized and accepted by Western society. I think the way abortion is “sold” to young people does not prepare them in the least for thinking about the deep moral questions of human life and death, and some women only come to a deeper understanding many years later, and experience great guilt and regret over doing something they didn’t fully understand at the time.

I also challenge the idea that men are not allowed to have opinions about abortion because men cannot get pregnant.

I encourage you to look at Secular/Non-religious pro-life groups such as
to begin to introduce a perspective that you can have completely non-religious reasons for being against abortion.

I am committed to helping researchers produce research of the best quality and I am happy to give very detailed feedback on any studies. Please contact me through mTurk if you are interested in having a very high-engagement and detail-oriented research participant.

end mturk comment. hahaha it was a morality study saying how moral is it to abort a baby at 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, etc, then showed a picture of each month. I put “100% extremely immoral” for everything but 1 month, where I put 94% hahahahaha because at that point, it looked like literally a clump of cells. in hindsight, I should have put 100%.

but i sure gave those baby killing bitches with their phd’s a piece of my mind hahahahahahahaha

it just goes to show you how terrible these college kids are, when they wont even listen to ATHEIST antiabortionists. they just knee jerk with WOW. JUST WOW. HOW CAN ANYONE BE AGAINST ABORTION. ITS 2016.

because they think you have to be a Narrow Minded Religious Evangelical Conservative to be against MURDER.


It’s ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING how the LEFT has twisted the issue like that. that you can’t even see murder as murder without being a conservative religious idiot.

so I always liked the guitar playing of sammy duet but I stopped listening to his band goatwh0re because i just find the singing to be a turnoff. I wish sammy just did the singing instead of their main singer, who is a nice good guy, but his style is……not my preference.

so it is with some curiosity that I look at this “ritual killer” project which features a different singer, and which is supposedly more raw that gw. and also features the original drummer of gw. I saw GW live a couple times when they were just starting out, and they were great, classic, top 5 shows. like during the time of their first 2 albums. i think i only ever saw them when they had the first drummer. after that I just couldn’t listen to their albums anymore hahaha.

which is a way of saying, i hope this ritual killer album turns out to be ok.

yeah they’re all degenerates hahahaha. the singer has tattoos on his FACE and i think they actually do satan worship. I used to think sammy was the coolest guy ever, and I even took a picture with him when I saw GW once hahahahaha.  but……he’s probably a degenerate too. i hope if he has any children he is a good father to them. also i hope he is less degenerate that I suspect he is. because he is a white man and all whites are capable of being non degen. i hope he does not do too many drugs.  hope this album is good (“exterminance.”) it is SHORT, so that’s usually good. hope the guitars are heavy and there are lots of blast beats and that sammy has more than 10% guest vocals hahaha.

but i can appreciate some good hateful, fast, raw black metal. I wish goathwore was rawer and more hateful hahahaha and had a different singer. i also don’t like his lyrical style, his lyrics make no sense and use the word “this” wayyyyy too much, and so then he’s always SAYING “this” in his annoying voice hahahaha. when I was 19 years old, I used to LIKE him. i did quite a 180. he’s still a decent guy I guess…..but just retire from singing and have a damn FAMILY , white man hahahaha.

well here’s that album i just mentioned. I just listened to it, the whole thing in one sitting. it was not bad. not bad at all. vicious and face ripping. tons of blast beats. I would have liked a little louder cymbal on the drums but still not bad. very sharp and ripping guitar sound. not enough screaming from sammy but the main singer is not bad. i can recommend it based on the guitars and drums alone. brings me back to 2000 when goatwhore was fresh and scary and evil. this RK sounds pretty evil and hellish. its kinda raw I guess. but for a fan of sammy who wants to enjoy gotahwore but cant, this RK is pretty good.

some noisy solos in there too. blasts in every song. a couple very rocking riffs sprinkled throughout. not bad at all. hateful and evil and a bit degenerate but also fun. but not TOO much fun. not a bunch of smiling happy phaggots. and I can actually tolerate the vokills.  3.6/5 bretty good

this is not bad at all and would be a great thing to listen to while exercising briskly. like Jogging, which I have not done in a while.

i was listening to the nationalist review, which is done by a guy on trs, well, at least 3 or 4 guys on trs,

the guy who leads it is no1 who I first heard on the fatherland, well this is his main show, and he’s really good. really likable marine officer, can’t believe he puts himself out there like that. his cohost natt is a danish guy who is really funny, just a huge arrogant asshole hahaha. and here they have andrew anglin on as a guest.

oh god bless these men. I don’t want to be on an Alt Right Podcast just yet, but I wouldn’t mind meeting and talking with some of these guys.

My own skills would be best used on a Neetcast however.

maybe doing a partnership with Millennial Woes. He is most like me personality wise in that he is prone to great despair, doubt, and neetism.

oh good god, no1 and natt do an episode with EVALION

subscribe to this guy already hahaha.

i dont need to dnate to him because he makes 148800 dollars a year as a marine officer hahaha.  plus they havent put the dnation hat out yet.  but i did find his email address on paypal hahaha.

june 14

2 jobs down, 8 more to go hahaha. also go see SHRINK today, yaaasssssssss!!!

well at least i appear to be losing weight again. probably because i am losing muscle hahaha.

8 down, 2 to go. damn. gotta go to shirnk very soon. took shower today, thats good hahaha. wanna not look and smell like a slob for the shrink haha. also when i was an employed bigboy, i did take a shower before every shift and come in nice and clean.

went to shrink, that was ok. talked about job search and shit, a little bit about that woman. i said it sucks, i learned lessons, but it jsut wasnt worth it. but then shrink said well arent I a stronger better person at the end of it all? technically yes, i am a better person in the end. so that IS KINDA worth it.

also the fact that I couldn’t make the same mistake again if i tried. there is no way this will ever happen again. it just CANT. Im not even worried about it. i have been changed permanently so that this will never happen again. in terms of being more assertive abotu communicating and stuff.

so i have become more mature and stronger and better able to DEAL with bullshit like this.

doesnt mean it wasnt ridic painful or stupid! because it was!

ok i will go back and listen to the old goatwhore albums. i really liked their first two albums. maybe i can still listen to them.  i mean there was some really good songs there, and maybe the vocals dont sound as bad as I fear.

anyway. yes i HAVE been permanently changed by this horrible experience. but it is possible that I have been permanently changed for the better……once we get to the end of it all. i am not quite there but i def am getting there. i still think of her obviously. pretty much every day. but it’s still a lot better than it was. but yeah i really need the distance and the no contact. i couldn’t do it with no contact. it takes well over a year just for her memory to even start to fade a LITTLE.

its like craving for heroin a YEAR after you last touched it. shit.

you stop craving for heroin like two WEEKS after. but HER, THAT WOMAN, I still crave for her a YEAR later. well, 11 months later hahahaha.  such that I cant even substitute anyone else. i mean, if i were trying to get off heroin, you can bet id be taking a LOT of MJ hahahaha. MJ helps you quit anything hahahaha.

MJ would probably help me quit this too heh.

but i just think about her and how good it USED to be and how much I luved her and how the hell am I gonna find that with another woman?

this IS a special thing that should not be treated like a casual cok carousel! you CANT get these feelings easily!

so i guess i should not expect to.

listened to that goatwh0re album, the first one, eclipse of ages into black (2000) and it def has staying power, it was great fun, and i didnt hate the singer so much. he still said this and these too much, but on some parts he is quite enjoyable. the lyrics are a frustrating mix of honestly quite good, and then filler tryhard this these fluff. for me the mainstays are sammy’s guitar and the drummer. they play very well together. and i like the old drummer better than the new drummer….who is not bad at all. indeed, probably sammy shifted his style as gw got older. some say they became more straightforward, and that they were “darker” and “more atmospheric” in the beginning. this might be true.

its not a huge secret that sammy is pretty serious about his devil worship, but i don’t know the details. i kinda would like to. like he literally does black magic and probably cuts himself. but he seems like an otherwise normal guy. not all suicidal and autistic and such. well, maybe he is bipolar. all these fookin musicians are bipolar. i heard he used to do Coke. hopefully he doesnt do too much of that. well, its better than meth hahahaha.

so sammy why not try orthodox christian. they are darker and more solemn and shit. youre gonna worship SATAN? I thought this was cool when I was 16-23. not when I was 45 or however old he is. you can be dark and “evil” and essentially worship GOD hahahaha. If he has a wife and children I hope he is good to them. Doesn’t neglect them so he can get drunk and do drugs and worship satan. but what I like about his style is that he writes tons of very catchy, very effective riffs. he is a riff machine. a riff factory. a true riffmaster in every sense of the word. not like nile, dumping tons of incoherent riffs. sammy dumps slightly less riffs and they are all a lot catchier. but still heavy, hyper, and fast.


may 30

oh god i am doing a research study for ISRAELIS. In israel. its funny how they always ask you your ethnicity in these things, but they never have “J00ish” as one of the things. I imagine both jews and arabs would have to identify as “caucasian” which is RIDICULOUS.

this alone disqualifies all research hahaha.

I took Accounting 1 and 2 in college and still do not feel qualified to have even an informed opinion on this decision.  think if you do not use accounting knowledge and judgment regularly, you become very rusty and incompetent. It is not like riding a bike. Hopefully it was intentional that these questions seemed confusing to the novice, even though I did well in those 2 accounting courses, and we covered all this material: balance sheets, Assets = Liability + OE, cash flows. I have simply forgotten it all. I suppose I could refresh myself fairly quickly but this study certainly did not jog my memory, rather it reminded me of how much I had forgotten! I do not like having to make decisions where I do not feel qualified or knowledgeable enough to make a good decision. Unfortunately, I often face those situations in my work, and I can only hope that bank lenders are held to a higher standard of technical competence than I am!

on business school study where i was a lending officer and had to evaluate a company’s financial statements to decide whether to approve them for a 5 million dollar line of credit. i dunno. i guess hahahaha.

so yeah i forgive her. she was jsut confused like a DUMB ANIMAL. you cant expect women to have BALLS and COURAGE. you need to be THEIR rock. they’re not capable of being YOUR rock. also she just got SCARED and ran away because she saw me as a trusted friend and now suddenly I was in love with her and wanted to marry her and lick her farting asshole and create babies with her and this was just TOO MUCH for her, ok I can understand that. so she just ran away.

i mean she had never had that kind of a rel with a guy like me before.

anyway MWoes say women like a mix of brutish and vulnerable. I would agree, and I would clarify, you have to be right kind of vulnerable. like the mudslim refugees, who are Sexually Agressive and who don’t appear personally weak or pussified, but rather they are oppressed, poor, and downtrodden.

if you are Bad Vulnerable, that’s bad. I was bad vulnerable. weak like a lost child. nope that kind of vulnerability is just shamed and shunned by women. if I had more of an angry, agressive chip on my shoulder about it, then that might have helped.

THESE are the kind of guys women want to FIX. YES, women want to FIX many guys. and I certainly need fixing.  I would WELCOME fixing by a loyal woman. But I’m not broken in the right way. you need to be stubbornly, toughly broken. A strong stubborn man who can’t be tamed. NOT a weak broken frightened lost animal kind of broken.

so yeah I am the wrong kind of broken and vulnerable hahaha. i need to be more AGGRESSIVE and STUBBORN.

maybe I should get a TRACK SUIT hahahaha. It would definitely go along with my slavic luv. get a track suit and SQUAT MOAR. Squat in muh track suit, smoke cigarettes and say AY BAYBEE U WAN SUM FUK???

obviously nonwhites enjoy track suits too, but perhaps white guys can use them to present a tough guy persona and therefore impregnate white women with white children.

You’d THINK women would be more K-selected and men would be more r-selected.

because WOMEN have the most severe consequences, ie getting pregnant, that they would care MORE about consequences and long term. BUt they in fact care LESS about these things! and that made me SO confused and frustrated.

now I think they just need to get pregnant by any means necessary, by any masculine strong man. it doesn’t matter if he’s the wrong kind of strong. the important thing s just get pregnant and perpetuate the species. it doesnt matter what race he is. just get pregnant NOW. it doesnt matter if he’s a deadbeat or sociopath. it only matters that he appears strong and confident and masculine on the surface. only the surface matters.

its kind of like companies making stupid decisions: you cant have long term without a short term. so short term is therefore more important.

and this is nonwhite, r-type thinking.

WOMEN: THE INGRAS OF THE HUMAN RACE hahahaha as didnt yoko ono put it.

yep. essentially white women think like dumb blacks. sad but true. just they way they are. born that way. you can cry about it, or you can use it to your advantage.

i really am a male supremacist. men and women are different but I can’t think of a SINGLE thing women can do BETTER than men, except Have Children. all that other shit, like being social, or communicating, or emotional intelligence. Women’s social interactions are all dramatic chaos! women communicate like shit! women are like Terrible Toddlers all their lives, until they get married and have a few kids with a Strong Good Man!

Maybe women can be Warmer and Sweeter than Men….sometimes. the tradeoff is that the same women can be colder and crueler and more uncaring than men. so it kinda cancels out.

are women better parents than men? nope. they are probably better MOTHERS than men though, hahaha. and men are better FATHERS than women, hahaha.

But I wouldn’t say women are any more kinder or gentler or more sensitive than men. they are softer and weaker than men….but that’s not a benefit. that’s not a strength.


But at the end of the day, we NEED women to

  1. have children
  2.  be mothers

those are the ONLY things women can do better than men. we might like to engineer ways for men to be able to do those things…..but never gonna happen. we will ALWAYS NEED women to do those simple but ESSENTIAL things.

men are more reliable, more trustworthy, more moral, better friends, more loyal. anything that you can think of. better workers. more productive. better communicators. better negotiators. better consensus builders. more mature. more emotionally intelligent. more situationally aware. more generous. more empathetic. more sympathetic. more rational.  better decision makers. and women want a clearly masculine man who confidently embraces all those natural superiorities.  unfortunately i do not hahaha.

I could sort of see what you were doing here…..but also I was confused. This is a classic problem in moral philosophy that can be stated with many small variations. I saw many small variations here, but none of them were really enough to convince me. Except for maybe the ones where the person’s neck was tied to the track, vs their hand was tied to the track. The logistics of this situation made it perhaps more like that a person would lose a hand rather than certainly die.
Obviously the Utilitarian argument is, always kill the one to save the five, because that maximizes the greater good.
Obviously this is a difficult situation and we don’t want it to be so black-and-white, so maybe we might prefer versions of the story where we can “have our cake and eat it too,” that is, save the five while maximizing the chances the one on the side tack will also survive. Like he would just lose a hand rather than his life, or he might be quick enough to jump out of the way of the train.
But it’s important to note that any of these situations are so ridiculous that they would almost never happen in real life. I wish there were a more believable version of this story.

some stupid study wihtout even an IRB clearance, wiht stupid variations on the classic philosophy problem of, do you kill one person to save 10 people?

I dont hate women. I LUV women! they are just unfortuantely worse than men in every way. essentially just like Big Babies. Babies who can casually create new life. babies who can be very successful at career and make more money and achieve more success than you ever will. hahaha.

like giant 50 foot babies with a machine gun and unlimited ammo.

that would be a more accurate take on the “baby with a gun” metaphor. it’s WORSE than that.

but by god we NEED them. without them, human life would not exist. So we protect them and Luv them in a way they can never really understand. but they don’t have to. they don’t HAVE to do a lot. just like a 50 foot baby with a machine gun. they do what they want. sometimes cry and throw a fit and destroy everything in sight. then when they get tired and theres nothing left to destroy, they take a nap, have a snack, and are happy again. until they get mad again.

horry sheet am I really SURE I dont hate women hahahahahaha.

well, im going through a woman hating PHASE right now! It will be better in 3 months!

confidence. its the single most important thing a man can have. it reduces anxiety and despair. it gets you jobs and women. it is the root cause of happiness. it is more important than happiness. it allows you to be TOUGH and have faith in yourself. it allows you to Get Tuff, Tuff Get Going, when the going gets tuff. it allows you to never give up and to work hard. because you’re confident in yourself, that your struggling will pay off. you struggle through the losses until you get to the wins, and then you get bitches and money hahaha. and the bitches will be loyal to you as long as youre confident. you lose confidence, you lose them. they leave you in the lurch and find a better, more confident man, like the hypergamous mercenaries they are. dont hate them for it. its just the way they are. 50 foot babies with machine guns.  it IS HARD to dominate and control a 50 foot baby with a machine gun. but god damn thats what they want ultimately. they want a man to take that gun away and shrink them down to normal size. i hear ya, that is NOT easy.

it takes a very CONFIDENT man, hahahahaha.

women will tell you you’re a woman hater because THEY don’t know how THEY work! and that’s NORMAL! you have to be OK with that!

you might know how you work, you might know how they work, but they will never know how they work! only until you wife them up and get a few babies out of her, can a women even BEGIN to be SLIGHTLY reasonable and more masculine, IE, smart and capable and trustworthy and kind and long term and adult and responsible and mature and kind and loyal and moral and awesome.

also I think if you start getting gurlfrans and dating when you are like 16 or 18, you will hate and fear women less when you are 30, and also have way more success and get along better with them, hahahaha. like a normie.

I made out with a gurl once when I was 16, but I was very conflicted about it. I didnt really like her and I didnt really want to date her. But she lived 50 miles away and I really didnt want to start a long distance rel with her, when I liked her friend better.

MAYBE if she lived in the same town as me, I would then probably have made out with her a few more times and MAYBE I would have liked her more and then MAYBE had some sort of rel with her. would have been good to get some experience and confidence. but really I was just left with frustration. I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would at all because I didnt really like the gurl, I thought she was annoying hahahaha.

but maybe if i had spent more time with her, I would have liked her more. I probably would have. but that was not possible.

maybe if i had actually banged her i would have felt more confident. i was just making out with her and i had no idea how to do that.

the next time i made out with a gurl i was 21 years old, over 5 years later, and though I didn’t have any more experience with it, I felt I did a pretty good job of it.

i also liked that gurl a lot more and was way more into it.

my point is, do anything and everything you can do to buld confidence for yourself, short of hurting people, because confidence is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT thing you as a man can have. for EVERY ASPECT of a man’s life. work, school, women, family life, overcoming adversity, being tuff, being successful, being content. sleeping, health, stress. it is no coincidence that despairing people have no confidence. in fact, despair is SYNONYMOUS with confidence deficit. lack of confidence CAUSES despair, not just correlates. it is a direct damn CAUSE. BELIEVE IT.

just like every man should vote for TRUMP, every man should convince every woman he knows to vote for trump or NOT TO VOTE AT ALL. Either of those would be good.

because you know who’s gonna vote for a monster like hillary?

regular, average, everyday, nonmonstrous WOMEN. normal nice women. wives and mothers.

and that is the problem with women voting!

note: i would gladly give up my own right to vote for a more strict voting policy, like only landowning males over 30 with a wife and children who make over 50 grand a year. ok i dont meet that criteria but I would gladly give up my vote to get there. and i dont think women would be NEARLY as willing to give up their vote, even if its for the greater good. cuz its in the damn long run, and its undemocratic.

its just weird. before i got feelings for her, she was reasonable, and mature, and all those things I said women are horrible at. then when I got feelings for her, she did a 180, and became a different person.  so it’s my fault. i flipped my switch, so she gets to flip her switch.

well even though I got feelings for her, i dont feel i changed as much on a fundamental level as she did. I was still the same person underneath. she felt like a damn alien. i didnt like that hahaha.

so what gives ME confidence?

feeling competent at muh job; and having a nice female friend to prove to me that I can get along with women, hahaha.

In the space below, write out a short essay to elaborate on why you should be ethically sensitive. Why is ethics important and what are the benefits for you and for others that it impacts

You forgot the question mark at the end of the question there. I would not use the term “ethically sensitive”, but I am very, very interested and serious about ethics and what I would call morals and morality. I spend a lot of time thinking about what is right and wrong, and how right or wrong it is. I believe in an absolute morality, and absolute right and wrong, although I admit the situation can have SOME limited influence on this. I think it’s important because I strongly prefer the moral to the immoral or amoral. I prefer to surround myself with other moral people. I like to think of myself as moral and morally courageous. I think any sort of human society requires some kind of morality. The more “moral” this morality is the better. I think a lot of people are brainwashed into immoral behavior because they simply don’t care about right or wrong any more, and they are never taught the importance of right or wrong. Growing up in this way, you can sometimes cause other people pain without even realizing what you are doing. It’s like you are always a child in this respect. And even most children have SOME rough sense of right and wrong.

its just weird that someone I GOT ALONG WITH SO WELL, that it fell apart so horrendously. We used to get along so well, I couldn’t believe we couldn’t communicate like Adults on this issue.

in that mgtow mw video i linked last time, he responds to a woman hating mgtow who chides him, who cares about the women that were nailbombed in brussels? dont you care about the menz? who cares about the women? aren’t men just as important as women?

and mw responds to that egregious TISM with good sense: because somewhat normal men naturally feel PROTECTIVE of women and the harming of women has an Extra Emotional Impact on them. And if you need this EXPLAINED to you, YOU are fooked up, YOU are a woman hater, like this mgtow clearly is.

So I breathed a sigh of relief, because MW didnt need to explain shit to me!  i acknowledge there is something natural and good inside healthy men that drives them to protect and WHITE KNIGHT for women!

and that some mgtows dont seem to have that at ALL which makes them REALLY look like true women haters. its not normal or good for men to be like this.

women are part of your INGROUP! better to hate other races than hate all women including women of your own race! even if women dont give a shit about race or ingroup and will gladly be race traitors hahahaha. doesn’t matter. they’re still your women. MW understands this completely. as do I. great guy. I feel like I know him, we are kindred spirits.

it just bugs me that women can be stewards of something so good and sacred, but act like such god damn dirty whores, and that being such damn dirty whores might be something NATURAL and NORMAL for them. like thats part of normal Femininity. So maybe I am wrong for finding something Sacred And Beautiful in the Life Creation Process. Goodness Knows the Wielders of that power don’t treat it as such!!!!

well they dont NEED to! and just because THEY dont doesn’t mean it isnt a Sacred And Beautiful Process!

but i am also going overboard with this All Women Are Huge Whores thing. I actually know real actual women who arent huge whores. like That Woman. But it just hurts to think of her at all. I cant use her as my Example any more.

So I know this other woman I see about once a week at my social thing, the not super attractive one who is prob gonna get married to her BF. but i like and respect her. she actually is smart and has a sense of humor and says funny things sometimes! and she is nice and good and a decent woman and will be a good wife and mother. And I think she was a damn virgin until age 27 or whatever until she met this guy and they will probably get married! Heck it’s possible they might be saving themselves for marriage! more power to them!

but yeah she needs to become my new role model to prove Not All Women are Horrible Whores. I should spend more time wiht her hahaha.  just because she is a GOOD PERSON AND she’s a woman.

i really dont see myself falling in luv with her. I knew her BEFORE she met her boifran and she was single for YEARS and I was never interested. completely unlike with my female former friend. she was NEVER single, until she was, and THEN BOOM.  end of the world.

i listened to mill woes for like 3 hours yesterday. i feel a little guilty for ABANDONING him for months. because TRS was COOLER hahahaha. now I have ABANDONED TRS in favor of Woes hahaha. no they are both kewl. I have donated my hard earned money to BOTH groups. i can’t have white children of my own, so I donate to people who support white children. This is how I live the 14 words.

and we NEED women in order to live out the 14 words. ideally.

maybe some men just don’t WANT to have children. they just don’t feel that biological urge. and maybe some women do too. we see plenty of people who say “i hate children. I never want to have children.” but I feel a good number of them are lying to themselves. or they reach age 30 and say, uhh ya know, about that, yeah ive changed my mind, ive suddenly got baby rabies nao hahahaha.

I certainly didnt feel the urge until I was pretty old. It took until I was at least 30 before I had this articulated, unambiguous, decisive desire to have children.

before I saw children as a trap which locked you into your shitty job, your shitty city, your shitty wife. children tied you down. a prison. and Now I see it as putting down roots, a time machine, a legacy, really making an INVESTMENT in the world. investing yourself to create a newer, younger, better version of yourself. to vicariously live through hahahaha. yeah why not.

i guess i sorta feel confident when I post on Despair Forums. like yeah I really know what I am talking about and people like reading my shit and I like doing this. but then I get scared to go back and see what people have said in response.

like that thing I posted yesterday which i cross posted here. I was trying to think of a good celebrity or fictional example of positive masculinity. good confidence rather than dbag confidence.  i suggested hank hill. hank hill is good but he’s BORRRRRRING, women would think he was BORING. yeah well women are idiot whores hahahaha. hank hill is AWESOME. hes not boring AT ALL.

then I thought, how about an AUSTRALIAN MAN like Crocodile Dundee. I luv the stereotypical australian man. very manly, always talking shit, not afraid to fight. usually named Bruce, drinks VB all day, calls everyone cvnts and poofters and seppos and such.


^^^  this is the kind of feels a true straya bloke does not feel. he better stop going down this road or he is gonna turn into a feminized european eunuch or mgtow who does not care about defending his woman. or a despairing lazy loser like us hahahaha.  DONT DO IT MAN!!!!!!!


he should not be drinking fosters tho, cuz real strayans do not drink fosters, but probably vb like the guy below. but this guy demonstrates a right ripper attitude. absolutely 0 fooks given and he is just having a grand old time doing it. ripper m8.

that kind of shit. this guy might be a little soft and clearly needs moar sun, but he’s got the right idea. encourage those glorious shitposting aussies. they will show you how to be a MAN.

anyway act like an australian man and you will get to make babies. pref not a fat slob australian either. i mean is it ok to be a BOGAN? i dunno. Gnereally i think its good for an american to be a redneck or hilbilly, because they are often race conscious proud whites. but white trash? what about a CHAV or a “Wigger” hahahaha. i mean they literally talk like ghetto blacks and do drugs all day. and wear tracksuits.

neets hahaha. im not a neet if i take one 3 credit class every semester hahaha.

confidence. that is it. that is the cure all. that will cure everything wrong with you. literally. confidence. if i can give you confidence I would be very happy. if i could give myself confidence i would be very happy. so how do you do it?

i think getting on a confident TRACK from a young age helps a lot. just get the confidence young and never lose it. Im not sure I ever really HAD it!!!!!!!!!

i wasnt always this bad though. but i was never super confident for a long period of time. BUt I was generally a little more confident. but I should have been doing things to make that grow. and i wasnt really. I thought being a Bad Boy Rebel by drinking and smoking MJ and trying to play metal music was my best way to build confidence. it really wasnt! Maybe playing a concert would have done it, that was always my dream there, to be in In A Band and Play A Show like my friends did…..but I never achieved that goal. it actually takes a lot of work. you have to get a job, save up a ton of money and buy expensive equipment and practice regualrly and come up with songs and stuff. i said horry sheet thats too much WORK. also I was VERY frustrated because I had a permanent writers block: I could never write songs. I was always pressuring myself to write songs and I just could not do it. i was jealous of all these other people who just wrote songs. of course they were shitty metal songs of the late 90s. god damn what a pathetic scene. at least kids these days are ripping off kvlt black metal. back then they were ripping off pantera and machine head and i dunno, soulfly or some shit. those were REALLY dark days hahaha. like some peopel didnt even BOTHER getting into death metal. jeeeez. you can always rip off cannibal corpse or deicide!!!!! in this way we were more like the previous generation (gen x) than the current generation (millennials.)

so i was like shit i’m doing to well in school to blow off school totally and get a job and spend thousands of dollars on amps and guitars and shit. and a car. plus I cant WRITE shit, and I’m not really very GOOD. so that was some low confidence there. But I enjoyed smoking MJ, drinking, and playing covers of other people’s songs, borrowing other people’s equipment. but I was never really In The Band.

Once in a great while I worked on a Solo Project song. That was pretty good for my confidence actually. I would get to work and slave over those like once every 4 or 5 years hahaha. that is the rate at which I write music. takes 5 years to write ONE SONG.

Actually that was pretty good for my confidence though. I was experimenting with Home Recording on muh computer and slowly got better at it. but it was still very, very hard and frustrrating to write full songs. I could write ok parts of songs, just whole songs were very hard.

did I have the wrong friends or something? one of my friends was a bit of a dominating type at the time and always wanted to be The Boss. maybe that undermined my confidence a bit, but I know he didn’t mean it, and he got better as he became more mature. But I shouldn’t have been caring so much about his approval. but that is kinda natural to want the approval of your friends. anyway he was and is a good guy, but I did play almost a subordinate role there. Sidekick hahaha. I thought he was cooler than he thought I was cool. hehehehe. well later it turned out he thought I was pretty cool, I think he was just one of those classic tough guys.

It was pretty good, I am fan of the University of Texas and I know you all do great work, and I appreciate the clear instructions given here. However the Yahoo Shopping page did not load as intended. I suppose I could very easily search for….. OK, take a look at this if you please:
I looked up “garmin nuvi 350 gps receiver” myself in the Yahoo shopping search box, and got a pretty disappointing list of results: about 7000 items, and this model of Garmin Nuvi is nowhere to be found.
This official Garmin page for this model implies that this model has been discontinued. However I’m getting that only from the word “discontinued” in this URL, nothing on the this page clearly states that it’s discontinued.
however, this very similar page (but note the GB (Great Britain?) in the URL) does more clearly state it’s been discontinued.
Had to Google “is the garmin nuvi 350 discontinued” to find that one.
I am very happy to provide very detailed feedback to this and any other studies. Please contact me through mTurk if interested.
I used to work with a lot of “unknown unknowns” and would get frustrated when looking for answers to a seemingly simple question would just bring up more questions, and it was hard trying to get a straight yes or no answer to a legitimate question. At this point however, I would be pretty comfortable saying that this particular Garmin model is indeed discontinued.
But I’m not sure the average person pays as close attention to URLs as I do!

oh SNAP i am gonna get such a BONUS for that one!!

some of the good guy researchers do give bonus and i will suck them off all day for those big researchbux. federal grant money. shrimponatreadmill.gif

hehehe pasting the imgur links will put the image right in the post. not sure if imgur ever deletes images. didnt realize imgur did gifs.  i guess now they do.

is that what shrimps really look like? and I thought they looked gross when cooked and prepared for eating. no wonder i do not like them hahahaha. i mean that just looks like some zimmern shit. how can normal people EAT that?

did ridiculous astronomy related survey for one fookin dolla. it was long and tedious but it was better than answering phones hahahaha. but much less money making. but i really dont give a shit about stars or galaxies. i wish i did!

may 31

ok big interview tomorrow. got to prepare for that.

god almighty NOW I am starting to get pissed. I had ANOTHER dream with HER in it. this is like several days in a ROW. this is more days than NOT. and this dream was the worst because in it, we were supposedly Dating or had established a Real Rel where were touched each other and had secs and made out and such. that was great, but the downside is that she was being REALLY flaky and unreliable. hot and cold. cuddling with me one moment, angry and dumping me the next moment. I just wanted to hold on to her and not be dumped but she was impossible to keep happy. so there was the power angle of I was begging and she was holding everything over my head. when obviously the MAN needs to put his FOOT DOWN and say Cut The Bullshit Baby. Imma fook you till you cant walk straight and then you get in that kitchen and make me a huge ass dinner. a sammich isnt gonna cut it this time. aaaannnd a spanking too wouldnt hurt. because DAMN you are MISBEHAVIN.

and in real life she was never that flaky and unreliable! thats what I liked about her! she wasnt even flaky with the men in her life! she was loyal to them and made an effort and didnt make them jump through hoops!

Of course I’ve known women where you can be “dating” them but they are still flaky as fook. and that’s what SHE was acting like in this dream. not good for the confidence. cuz you can feel the woman leaving you. train wreck in semi slow motion. then your confidence wanes, she leaves you, your confidence crashes, and your world is destroyed hahahaha.

but yeah any dream where I am officially dating her and cuddling her is gonna be difficult.

oh well. not gonna ruin my day though. i did have to mention it though. because this is just ridiculous. i am having more dreams about her than I EVER did. mother fooking 288 days since i last emailed her. 322 days since I last talked to her and the shit went down. and now I am getting a burst of dreams.

i mean I just want to ERASE her from my memory altogether. shit like this does not help.

I was triggered by the comments to this image and the accompanying post, basically an anti-millenial thing saying these people are autistic, dont tuck their shirt in, put emojis on their resume and cant spell, dont look you in the eye, have no people skills, dont know how to talk to people, and cant give you a good reason why they want the job, etc. a lot of people in the comments were triggered too.

because i am a bit awkward in the interviews but I do have decent people skills. kind of. i mean they are at least average and not “completely unemployable.” but maybe average IS completely unemployable.

somewhat said, what you lack in skills you must make up for in CHARISMA. hahahaha. good thing I have neither. yeah well neither does SHE, she doesnt DESERVE to make 15 bucks an hour.

heh. what if those places that I am wanting to TURN DOWN simply dont ever call me and I dont ahve to turn them down? that would be kinda dissapointing. when you do ok on an interview and STILL dont get a call back.

cuz I probably do unemployable shit like mentioned in that post hahaha.

if you have more than 3 jobs in 5 years, you aint getting a call from me! hahahahahaha

that equals 1.67 years you must stay in every job. i guess 1 year isnt good enough hahahaha.

i wonder if places pay 15 bucks an hour just because they are SO SHITTY thats the only way they can convince people to not quit immediately!

shit like this almost makes me want to join the LABOR MOVEMENT because they really do stand up for workers against Evil Employers hahahaha BUT…..they are also more marxist than your average marxist! pure tranny loving communists, antiwhite, pro-abortion, pro-slut, all the worst shit ever.

putting the A in NSDAP hahahahahahahaha

at least I THOUGHT the A stood for Arbeit hahahaha. that is what I am getting at here. Arbeit. NSDAP. Ol Uncle Al. Did nothing wrong. 14 words.

I wonder if That Woman was ever Sexually Abused or Molested when she was a child. It would actually make a lot of sense, well apart from she never became a huge slut, but she did seem like a frightened child in many ways. And while her mother was not good at finding a reliable man, I DONT think the mother was so stupid that she would choose men who would molest her daughter.  but thats women though. they dont THINK. they dont THINK this secsy badboi might molest their children. they dont THINK this secsy badboi is gonna knock them up and run off.

so, just assume one of her mothers boifrans molested her as a child and that is why she runs away like a frightened child. you just have to feel PITY for that.

how many men REALLY molest children though? I would never molest a child! how could you BE so depraved? yet it turns out 1 out of 2 women have been molested or raped. hehehehe. no the feminist places say 1 out of 4, but thats probably a little high. so lets say 1 out of 5. 20% of women have been molested probably by….10% of men or less. therefore, only 20% of women are psycho ruined, and only 10% of men are incomprehensible evil monsters that should definitely be ovened immediately.

also, whenever I start thinking about HER, just STOP and replace HER with thoughts of this other woman I know that I mentioned above. I am not in luv with this woman, but she is a positive, decent woman in every way. VERY low number, quite moral, never cheated, never been a whore, never hurt a fly, and will be a great wife and mother. just think of her. she can be my new role model of NAWALT.

I have kind of a bad attitude towards HR and executive management in companies. I don’t think HR should be putting together teams, I think this should be done by project managers or other team leads. I generally feel managers and HR are out of touch with what their employees do, and that most new policies are poorly-thought-out approaches to cut costs in very unrealistic ways. I think HR departments are generally a waste of money, and that managers need to truly listen to their employees, not micromanage, and be serious about retaining skilled employees for the long-term.

for business school study.


and if she WASNT molested…..then she should REALLY know better hahahhaaha.

well you cant hate someone who was molested as a child. you just feel sorry for them and know theres nothing you can do about it, and leave them to their sad lives. and be glad you dont have to live with them and they are dragging you down with them hahahahaha. all because of the evil sins of one badboi many years ago.

You can’t just Show Up To Work. You need to ATTACK your work with a real active gung-ho attitude.

hahahahaha. gonna use that one in my interview.

Please describe in detail the one situation that makes you, or has made you, extremely fearful or afraid.

Please try to vividly imagine the experience, and write your description so that someone reading it might get scared just from reading this.
Nothing life or death, just a matter of decision making anxiety. I can’t see making it scary like Stephen King. But I had a very complex, complicated, confusing job where I would take telephone calls all day from people with technical/computer issues. They all had problems and it was my job to fix these problems. What frightened me was that I felt woefully undertrained and that I was drowning, because they would be describing things that I did not understand. I always thought, I have no idea what’s going on here, and it’s my JOB to FIX it? I don’t even know what this process looks like when it’s not broken! I have no sense of judgment or perspective here! I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to tell them. Yet it’s my job to try to fix this, and also communicate an image of myself as a competent, confident expert. You never know what the next call will bring. It might be easy and straightforward, but it might be the weirdest thing you have ever heard. It was kind of like taking an exam filled with tough trick questions, all day every day, and having to explain your answers to an anxious person, when you had not taken a course preparing you for the test, and the only help you got was through a chat room. Many times I thought “Can’t somebody else take this? I have no idea what I’m doing, and I sound like an idiot. I know I’m not an idiot, but I just don’t feel ready to do this.”
It was frustrating and nerve-wracking more than scary or fearful, but I always had a “knot of dread” in my stomach as I waited for my day of phone calls to begin, and could not relax when I got home, thinking about the things that didn’t make sense, and what kind of strange, nonsensical things would happen tomorrow, and how I would deal with them. Would one day I even “snap” and run out of the room crying like a baby? I kind of felt like Private Pyle in “Full Metal Jacket.” Just pushed to your limit and not knowing if one day you were going to snap.
Well I did not snap, thankfully. I gradually became more confident and competent. But then I guess I eventually did snap! There were new things to learn constantly, so you could never get TOO confident or familiar. And we were constantly pushed to do more with less, more new things being added to out plates.
I faced a crisis in my personal life which turned into a crisis at the job. I felt I could not do my job and that my mind was falling apart. I completely distrusted in my sense of judgment to make a decision. I lost confidence in myself as a competent, smart person able to make good decisions.


but yeah. having dreams about her every night, is almost like actually seeing her again. and also the dreams i have present a totally unreal version of her. TOTALLY in my mind. so how am i supposed to stop thinking about her, if i constantly have DREAMS about her?

well i am sure the dreams will slowly taper off. shit. i didnt ALWAYS have so many dreams about her.

yep. just assume she was molested as a child, feel sorry for her, and replace her with thoughts of this other woman. the nice decent nonslut woman i am not attracted to.

I wonder if you could write Fraudulent Letters of Recommendation from people you used to work with, who got along with you, but you never got an OFFICIAL letter of recommendation from them. It’s PROBABLY better just to ASK them though. if you are really desperate though, its worth a try. shit if its been a long time and theyve written a lot of letters and they generally like you, they might not even remember if they ever wrote you a letter or not.

I SUPPORT MY TEAM by buying them donuts, bagels, coffee regularly to show my appreciation and comraderie. If there is ever an empty coffee pot I make more coffee even if I don’t want any.

hahahah. well this is partially true. I was very good at making coffee. I would be the first one there, and make 2 pots of coffee (there were 2 coffee makers because a lot of people drank a lot of coffee. except for the dbags that were too good for folgers so they went and spent money on tim hortons hahahaha.)

ok printed my bullshit out. 2 rec letters, 1 list of references, 1p res, and my 3-4 pages of notes.

i should really go to a place like MARSHALLS or TJ MAXX or BURLINGTON or NORDSTROM RACK to try to find a cheaper dark blue goat. i mean coat.

I also like the idea of a lighter gray suit just to mix things up. have a dark suit, dark gray or dark blue, and then a light suit. light gray.

have a dark blue suit and also a light gray suit. BOOM. 12 dollar an hour job 4U.

red tie and a blue tie. no fancy patterns.

white shirt and a blue shirt. no stripes, no patterns.

i wonder if wearing CUFFLINKS would be a plus. probably. it shows you are way too classy to use cuff buttons like a PLEB. like BOGAN WHITE TRASH.

not wearing cuff links is as bad as not tucking your shirt in!

maybe you should wear some kind of 1488 cufflinks hahahaha. little nazi deaths heads hahahaha. NSDAP.

National Socialist German Workers‘ Party (German: About this sound Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei (help·info), abbreviated NSDAP), commonly referred to in English as the best party ever which should come to fascistic power in the USA under The Don Drumpfenfuhrer hahahahaha…..

see, they were ALL ABOUT the WORKING MAN.

IMHO only with Racialist Nationalism can you make the very few good aspects of Socialism and Workers Rights really work in a good way.

In other words, the only good kind of socialism is national socialism.

the only good kind of worker’s party is a national socialist worker’s party hahahahahahahaha.

workers’ i mean. s’.

but yeah. i want to erase that woman from my mind permanently. i dont want to see her in dreams. i dont want to ever think of her again. she did a lot of good in my life and i truly luved her……but she was a net negative. more bad than good. it was not WORTH meeting her, even counting the too-simple “lessons” I learned. it was just pointless, meaningless pain to suffer through and not grow from. i wish i never met her. then i would never think or dream of her. her face and body would not exist in my mind at all. the memory of her as a real person. real person, real PAIN.

and then this person is off sucking dicks like a whore. or not. it doesnt matter. but it does matter to you.

ayo hol up. i dont think you get how well we got along together. i do not get along this well with people. let alone qt, young, nonslut, totally marriageable WOMEN. it seemed like a real gift from god. like theres someone for everyone. i finally thought i had met The One, after a lot of disappointments. but it was just another disappointment. the biggest disappointment of ALL!

also i didnt like in the dream that i guess we were Dating, which would have been technically GREAT, but the only thing I saw in the dream was the bad times. no cuddling or niceness. just fighting and distance and im gonna leave you, you disgust me.

What do you think reduced/limited your ability to come up with more and more original ideas?
I think I came up with at least an average number of ideas. At my best, I am probably very creative, but I also go through periods of very low confidence and high anxiety. This definitely affects my cognitive and emotional functioning and make me generally less creative. Also I can get easily overwhelmed with complexity at work, where I get so confused, that I prefer simple solutions, rather to difficult problems that need to get solved quickly. If I am going to be creative, it has to be in a relaxed environment. I cannot be that creative under pressure. I do not work well under pressure.

Do you have any final comments for us related to this study?
I did not feel pressured here, so I could be fairly creative. At my job I am under so much pressure to think of solutions, that sometimes I lose confidence and begin to believe that I am not that creative at all, and that I don’t like thinking about complex topics. I do…but I just do not perform well under heavy pressure.

I did not like that about muh job. I technically AM a smart and creative guy, but I don’t like being put under constant pressure to think of solutions. then I just want to stupefy my mind, and I convince myself that I am just a dummy who is not and smart and creative as he thought he was. Just want to turn off my mind and stop thinking. Not think about things. Thinking Sucks. I want to turn my mind into mush with MJ hahahaha. creativity is for f4ggots.

but ideally, really, I am kind of a creative thoughtful guy.

but everything in the work world is done under extreme, constant pressure. something or someone is always on your ass to do better. It’s not like a class where hey I got 88%, this is pretty good! it’s like why didn’t you get 100% you incompetent moron! it’s like the high expectations asian father .jpg

its not a hugbox like skool were 90% woohoo you are way above average. its like why arent you getting 100% every single time. you fooked it up, ya fookup. no wonder people are fooking PERFECTIONISTS. because their managers and their customers are BITCHING at them when they get 1% off. being like we can fire you for any reason. first 90 days. we got plenty of people who want your job, making 15 bucks an hour. we can find another guy who doesnt fook this up.

like I say this job Im interviewing for tomorrow pays like 18 bucks an hour and is essentially a level 2 clerk. meaning I might not be the first one answering the phones…..but I will be the one the level 1’s ask for HELP. when I have no fooking CLUE what is going on. Which I guess is better than answering the phone. so my response is, let me figure that out. you can escalate that to me and I will call them back within 72 hours hahahaha. let me put on my attorney hat and tell you why we’re rejecting your application for a license. because city code bla bla states bla bla. sorry nothing we can do. i dont have a manager. i am the city mayor hahahaha.

nope albanians and arabs not welcome here. see this Huge Hakenkreuz on my chest? that means NOT WELCOME.

oh sorry mayor I was just exercising autonomy, I don’t require constant supervision, so I made an independent decision. come on, you know you don’t like those people either hahahaha lemme buy you a beer and we can talk about how much we hate nonwhites hahahaha. and then you can promote me.

heh. you gotta have STORIES of when you were INTERACTING with people. and how you successfully communicated with them and fixed shit like a boss.

resolving conflict. dealing with difficult people. this is the most important skill. and figuring out difficult situations under pressure.

i mean this job I would LOVE to get. I would even take 60% of the time on the phone. if this job were answering phones about water bills, I would take it because it is close and it is great pay.

if it were doing post office work, i would definitely take it because it would be the equivalent of a career job with regular schedule and weekends off. 9 to 5 mon thru fri. you dont get that at the post office at all. you dont get that at most jobs!

i couldnt really lowball them on wage because its a union job tho. like ILL DO THIS JOB FOR 15 BUCKS AN HOUR! SEE I ALREADY SAVED YOU 6000 DOLLARS A YEAR!

but yeah i hate having dreams about her. I wish I could just remember how she REALLY WAS. the dreams dont do that. also her running away like a scared child doesnt do that. that really wasnt who she was. but people act out of character and disappoint you when they are AFRAID. the opposite of luv is not hate, its fear hahahahahahaha.

so yeah i forgive her, i dont hate her, i can even UNDERSTAND this, it actually does make sense. she got scared and she ran away. period. its very simple. but its still very disappointing, and its a very sad, disappointing, bad way to remember her. So I don’t want to remember her at all.

hahahahahaha fook roosh that degenerate, but its interesting how he is flirting with the nondgenerate lifestyle now. the comments are better than the article. the author sounds like kind of a cheapskate dickhead hahaha.


may 28

that title is from a nile song on the “festivals of atonement” ep from 1995 hahaha. or 1997.

heh. couldnt sleep last night having work worries, like should i take the post office job. i kinda wish i had never even applied for the post office hahahaha. not sure what would be the less shitty job. city carrier, or mail processing clerk.

heh this is not really changing that very uncertain feeling in muh gut

this author “mel carriere” hahahah is actually a very funny and good writer. There are some very intelligent people who currently work in the PO who write very articulate screeds on the internet. but he has a good sense of humor which i do not think i would share.

heh i am now feeling very bad about post office. my gut feeling says no. ok. its ok to feel the feelings. if i were ACTUALLY DESPERATE that would be a LOT different. If I had kids to take care of or i was gonna get thrown out on the street. and many people ARE!!!!! and god bless them and take care of them. but i dont need that help. I recognize muh privilege. and I know that I am too big of a crybaby and not tuff enough to handle this type of stuff.

basically every job that starts you out at 15 bucks an hour is gonna have a CATCH. where it basically sucks so bad you struggle not to RAGEQUIT.

better to shoot for 12 dollars an hour and never have a wife and kids. just bang 20 year old sluts. ok fine. i mean I would like to have a wife and kids. but as an alternative, and not nearly a perfect replacement, I’ll take banging 20 year old sluts.

I kinda felt this way after I finally got over Woman2012 and before I fell in luv with woman2015.

now I can see how insignificant woman2012 was to my life. we barely hung out, barely knew each other.

woman2015 was a lot more significant. we talked and texted and hung out regularly and she told me secrets.

i am kinda butthurt that I was there for her when she needed me, but she left me in the lurch when I really needed HER.

Ok so I need to come up with a good story when the post office offers me their shitty job hahahaha. say sorry but I’ve accepted another offer. With the county water dept hahahahahahaha.  and then tell the water dept i cant take their shitty job because i accepted an offer with the post office hahaha.

well the best bet is this interview i have next week with a FT City job. department clerk. Maybe it will be like a mini call center taking calls 75% of the day. but it is a lot closer and the hours are 9 to 5 and pays like fooking 18 dollars an hour horry sheet.

well. how much of the day would I permit to be Active On Phone Calls for that job? maybe as much as 65% hahahaha. its 5 miles away, 18 bucks an hour, no split shifts, weekends off. consistent schedule.

so yeah I think I will just put the brakes way on the post office stuff.

i was driving down this one street close to home and there is a big industrial area there including a big FEDGOV installation and I was thinking, yep would be nice to get a job there, thats where successful people work hahaha. and then right near there there was a building affiliated with the local college that seemed to promote technical training. like for smarty pants machining and assembly jobs. the college website didnt seem to have too much info on how to actually take classes in this building.

but i am toying with the idea of taking classes to make myself look less lazy. make self look marginally less lazy, by taking 1 class a semester, and having the occasional interview. not bad plan uh?

classes are expensive though. so thats why you only take 1 at a time hahaha.

oooosh. had to fight temptation to look at HER profile on linkedin. cuz i know she is permanently out of a job now and she will prob get a job a lot faster than I will. but WHERE? i know for a fact things are drastically changing in HER life, and I DO want to know where she goes next. somewhere better? somewhere worse? another Call Center? something with LEadership? something that I need to be better than? and she doesn’t care what I’m doing. so Im glad I fought that urge. she was never active on linkedin, but being out of a job and looking for a new one is a good reason to start getting active on linkedin.


well because i was asking too much.

well i WASNT really. I wasnt asking her to be in luv with me, i was just asking her to talk to me and end the rel in a respectable way.

but she was too confused to realize that. she didnt want to understand that.

and she didnt want to make the effort to understand because she just blocked me!

oh well life goes on and i can make up lies as why to not take this post office job. welp they must have chosen that black guy instead hahahahaha. oh well looks like i was guilty of being white. white mans burden, lloyd.


i am a proud white man but i have the WORK ETHIC of the laziest inger hahaha. i dont want to work, i dont believe hard work will make you free, i dont believe in the american dream, i just want to coast, i am indolent and insolent and shifty and shiftless and surly.

a white man with a black mans work ethic. this is absolutely shameful and degenerate.

heh. well at least I KNOW its shameful and degenerate.

my new thing is to drink 3/4 a cup of 2% milk in the afternoon while waiting for muh Big Meal of Dinner. Actually, to mix in that milk with a cup of coffee, so i am drinking a large very milky coffee.

really i just want to go back to high school and do all the things right that I did wrong. like maybe got into a STEM high school or a vocational program in high school, like some high schools have good Career Prep stuff and teach you machining and Electronics and stuff like that.

Well I didnt really have a lot of say in what high school I went to. I went to a college prep high school so, i was gonna get prepared for college.

thats ok too. I should have just eased off on the AP classes and went to community college or trade school or, at most, local university. NOT a highly-selective, well-known, successful, middle class, high-expectations university at age 18 like I did.

I didnt realize that getting a bad attitude in college would mess up muh life so much. I had a terrible attitude during high school and I got into a very good college. I had a terrible attitude in college and now I have had a TERRIBLE outcome in life. I was expecting tedious, boring, and average at worst. I had no idea how bad it could get hahahaha.

like, get a degree from this well-known school, any degree, even a useless degree, and get a boring job as an office drone.


but I was 18-21 years old and I knew nothing! I just wanted to sm0ke MJ, drink booze, and bang young college qts!

which is itself the WORST attitude you can have while at college. because it jeopardizes your performance in a solid STEM field. but I didnt think you needed solid performance in a solid stem field. MAYBE if I were going to a “worse” college. but with the name recognition here, I could AFFORD to COAST in a useless nonstem degree and that will be enough.

IT WASNT hahahaha.

its not that I see myself as being ABOVE that sort of work. its more than I am TERRIFIED that I am not TUFF ENUFF 2 HANDLE IT. its again like private pyle and boot camp. i KNOW Im not above it!!! It is probably above me!

or is this a case where i need to SAY YES to something, then FACE MUH FEAR?

I just wish there were a less extreme way of facing muh fear than taking such a damn big RISK. Going out and doing interviews, ok thats a fear facing thing I can do, but accepting such a controversial job seems so damn risky for me. i dont want to go ALL IN like this.

i luv the fatherland 1488 dadcast but I wish there were also a podcast for neet virgin incel omega losers. lazy losers like us who have no hope of having a job or a wife and kids like these lucky fools who get to secure the existence of our people and a future for their white children.

wheres the podcast for the neets. the neetcast hahaha. it’s clearly incumbent on me to do it. show agency.

on episode 27 jim made some remark like he gets a lot of childless men asking to be on the show, and or neets, and then he made some remark like NOPE, we have standards here, we only have men with kids, you can send us your questions, but you can’t come on the show. its NOT COMPLICATED. just meet a nice woman and have kids.

so naturally I and all the other neets will find that very patronizing. believe me I would LOVE to JUST find a nice woman who isnt a god damn traitorous whore, who hadn’t taken 100000000 cox. I dont have a high opinion of my self, but I know I’m better than to Create New White Life with some damn gutter slut.

they think its so damn EASY to find a decent woman and to find a decent job. check your normie nonvirgin privilege, chad hahaha.

so yeah I think they should regularly have neets and at least childless men on. because we want what they have. we listen to the god damn show.

but should you settle for example, with some slut just because she’s white? also the guys didn’t give nearly as much commentary as I would have liked on a forum thread where guys talk about marrying and having kids with single mothers. I don’t want to marry a single mother but SOME guys have done all right with single mothers. how can we diferentiate the good single mothers from the bad single mothers, knowing that being a single mother is itself very risky red flag?  i mean yeah we’d PREFER a woman who was not already a mother!

anyway i just want these guys to understand how hard it is to find a woman who is WORTH having kids with, who isnt a damn whore with 10+ guys. I want a neet or incel to come on the show and give them those hard questions:

should you marry a woman who has been with 10+ guys? has YOUR wife been with 10+ guys? would you marry her if she had?

you do understand many guys have to settle for single mothers because they can’t find decent women who don’t have children. better to just assume they’ve learned from their mistake, rather than they would repeat their mistake.

so yeah hopefully jim goes back on his anti-neet hatred. childless guys are listening to this show because they WANT TO BECOME LIKE YOU. So give them the respect of coming on the show. dont just tell us to have some kids.

BECAUSE WE DONT WANT TO HAVE KIDS with these women!!!!!!!! we want to have kids with GOOD women, like you guys have! you guys actually Luv your wives! and aren’t just knocking up some tattooed slut! you make fun of tattooed sluts just like we do!

applied for the same 26000 dollar entry level county job i applied to 2 weeks ago. they reposted the posting and allowed me to apply again. this time i included two letters of recommendation as opposed to just once like last time.

i forgot about the frustration of applying to the SAME JOBS over and over again because they didnt contact you the first time. it pays less than the post office, but you have a much easier time getting a job at the post office. or a damn call center hahahaha.

i guess if its hard to get……then the better the job IS, right??!?!?!?!?! so I WANT a job thats hard to get. but they’re just so hard to get!!!!!!

reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just have some kids with the dirty herpes hepatitis bar slut with the neck tattoo and then we can be on your podcast hahahaha. men become deadbeat fathers because the MOTHERS are total shit hahahahaha. you dont abandon your child if you’re having the child with a quality woman!!!!!! if the woman is a train wreck then you run the fook away!!!!

yeah its wrong, yeah you should take care of your kids, but its a lot easier when you love and respect the mother of your children is all i’m saying. and these guys clearly do. they need to RECOGNIZE and respect how hard it is to find a woman like that.

may 29

black pigeon releases a sequel to his controversial and popular vidya hahaha. not a fan of the pornographic (hahahaha) thumbnail but also he does not seem like a butthurt mgtow woman hater either. just speaking from more of a red-pill, pro-white alt right perspective that women vote for antiwhite leaders who bring in more and more outsiders. that women are shitty at defending their ingroup…..but thats not their job, that’s mens job. but they have been given the political power to destroy their ingroup.

so, IMHO, men need to step up and defend the ingroup by preventing women from voting, hahahaha. if every man could keep at least one woman from voting, that would be great.

IDEAS MAN!!!!!!!

so how would you do that?

i dunno do vote shaming. like only sluts and weird weird crazy batshit women vote. oh you vote? you must be a crazy slut catlady who cant get a man. and youre not strong and independent either. youre just crazy and NO ONE LIKES YOU. cool people dont want to hang out with you. the only people that want to hang out with you are losers. the only people that want you are loser creepy men who can’t pull a better woman.



oh yeah. had stupid dream with THAT WOMAN again. this is like 3 times in one week, this is RIDICULOUS. And I am actually starting to get over her too! and then the most dreams ever.

Here I was hanging out with 2 male friends, and her, and she was ignoring me and flirting with my male friends. naturally I got butthurt and jealous and mad and started getting angry at her. of course the second you get angry at a woman, you’re the bad guy, so she said something like see this is why I don’t want to hang out with you, your friend is way cooler than you. also I was possibly a little disappointed that my freinds werent taking more of a BROS BEFORE HOES approach.

thing is, she wasnt like that AT ALL. I’ve known other women who were, like woman2004, and yeah that was kinda convenient because it made it a lot easier to hate the woman. and no, no woman was ever doing any serious moves on any of my real close friends.  thank GOD!!!!!

anyway That Woman wasn’t really like that. I don’t want to mischaracterize her and say She’s Like All Women and All Women Are Like That…..because its not true.

so in that sense the dream was bad and inaccurate.

but it didnt really BOTHER me that much thank GOD.

ok one other point. I have been worried that I’m gonna misremember her as our entire relationship was a farce, a relationship simulator, that there was nothing there, that it was a totally one sided rel, much like it was with…..most women i have gotten feelings for.

when its pretty clear there WAS a substantial, real, long term relationship there. and it’s important to me just to recognized that THAT HAPPENED. THAT WAS REAL. that WASNT all in my mind.

And I worry that because of the way it ended, I will remember the relship wrong, and say, welp, its just another woman where the WHOLE REL WAS A FARCE/FRAUD/SIMULATION.

but it wasn’t. many things with women WERE, but NOT THIS ONE. and I don’t want to get confused there. and I have beeen so confused lately hahaha.

what helped me here was I thought about the few other women I had had Real Friendships with. Specifically two other women. maybe 3. I never fell in LUV with them, but we WERE actual friends who hung out regularly and got along well and they didn’t AVOID me and they liked me as a person and thankfully I never Got Feelings.

Anyway we eventually drifted apart with no hard feelings, and many years later, I can STILL look back and say, yep, we had an Actual, Bona Fide, NOnsimulated, Decent Friendship for a decent period of time. I wish them nothing but the best. And I don’t need their reassurance now that the friendship WAS real. I KNOW it was real and thats good enough for me.  and this friendship is in a much different class than all those fake, aborted, farce pseudo-rels I had with other women.

so yeah I don’t want to remember my rel with That Woman as a PSEUDOREL, when it WASNT.

But thinking of the OTHER women I have had legit, bona fide friendships with, it REASSURED me that I won’t misremember things in that way in a few years.

In conclusion, I will be able to look back on That Woman and say yeah, we did have a REAL, legit Relationship. It just ended in the worst way EVER.

just transferred 73 dollars from mturk into muh bank account. gettin paid hahahaha. doesnt feel bad.

also maybe “pseudorel” is a bad word for what I had with Those Other WOmen. I really don’t BLAME myself for getting feelings. Maybe we didnt spend a LOT of time together over the long term, maybe they didnt tell me their deepest darkest secrets and introduce me to their families, but they told me the basics about themselves and offered their  young nubile fertile bodies to me, and I being a young, innocent, naive NiceGui, that activated endorphins and oxytocin and vasopressin in my brain, and I Bonded with them. established an Emotional Connection with them. so that I was confused and very disappointed to see that they could be DONE with me so quickly and easily. Didn’t they BOND with me too? and if they did, how could it disappear so quickly? wtf was WRONG with THEM?

so yeah I don’t blame myself too much there.

maybe is wasn’t a total pseudo rel, but it still wasnt a rel deep rel or a two sided rel.

and at one time, for 2 years, I had a real, nonpseudo, two sided rel with That Woman. I just hoped she would REcognize and Appreciate that. But just because she didnt doesnt mean it doesnt exist.

although lately i’ve been going through a very irrational stage where I am just confused in everything and I doubt everything. how do we KNOW anything. at war with reality hahaha. you cant prove ANYTHING. nothing is REAL. ONLY DEATH IS REALLLLLLL hahahaha.

hahahahha death is real funny hahahah

what about woman2012? was that a pseudorel?

well…..yes and no. it was one sided from the beginning. but she was a nice, honest, moral person. but it was so one sided yeah I can’t say it was ever a REAL rel. but she had good will and good faith. she was just retarded at dealing with men plus she was OBSESSED with her schoolwork. which paid off bigtime for her. well good for her. also when she finally rejected me she did it in the Best Way Ever: Open and Honest Communication.

but yeah that gave me some sense of peace: that I didn’t need HER to CONFIRM that YES, we DID have a REAL Relationship. Just like I don’t need my other female friends to Confirm. Although I’m sure they would be willing to if I Reached out and asked them. But I don’t feel any NEED to. I am SECURE in the knowledge.

fatherland 027 hate to bash jim the anti-neet so much because nick b steves had some GREAT points in this episode, was a great guest. great points on porn like it makes things that arent supposed to be sexual, sexual, so men can’t even TALK to women. they see a woman holding a pen and get nervous and sweaty thinking of porn women holding dicks. the majority of time they spend with women is seeing this artificial hyperstimulus. so they cant interact with women in real life. very sad.

or the idea that gayness is hypersexuality. not EVERYTHING is SEXY.

or the idea that men used to do some pretty gay things together with their male friends but no one even THOUGHT about the gay aspect because gayness wasnt so accepted and tolerated. so you didnt need to say “no homo” every time you complimented a man.

but yeah jim I think you need to rethink your policy. bend a little on this one. have a neet on once in a while. not just the best of the best, one time only. but how about the worst of the worst. like us. hahahaha. we WANT TO BE LIKE YOU remember. we are just STRUGGLING and feel like we are LOSING that battle. support us and pump us up. it’s all about the 14 words. we want the same thing you do. we just would prefer to father our white children with white women who have been with less than 10 guys and have not had any unrepented abortions.

when you have secs with guys so easily it shows a lack of respect for human life.

when you have abortions so easily it shows no respect for human life.

when you discard and replace guys so easy, it shows no respect for human life, that you view people as interchangeable objects.

its SOCIOPATHIC. you put a wall between yourself and the humanity of others.

just the propensity to HURT OTHERS with NO REMORSE. that is what bothers me about women. they just DONT CARE. and this undergirds their approach to secs, abortion, relationships. its DISTURBING and MORALLY WRONG.

do the life creation process with strangers.

casually kill your babies.

casually cut off people who have feelings for you.

all with no remorse, guilt, or shame.

THATS what I dont like about women.

Theyre evil sociopaths. little satans hahahaha.

it seems wrong to FORGET about PEOPLE so easily.

I wouldnt be so butthurt if they showed MORE remorse. just show some damn remorse and i’d feel a LOT better. but even THAT’s too much to ask.  and that’s ridiculous. in an ideal world, you would ask them to feel remorse AND not do evil things. Now you BEG them to just feel remorse for the evil things they do……and they cant even do that.


I dont even trust the WHITE ones. And I trust WHITES in general. well….white MEN. White MEN are by far my favorite group on other, and I am very glad to BE one.


i guess dont get mad at women for race mixing because they just dont care about race. ok fine.

but I REFUSE to believe that women just dont care about LIFE, or that they are INCAPABLE of caring about LIFE.  So I will NEVER be soft on them for promiscuity or abortion. Which I guess may be mores serious crimes than race mixing. not that race mixing isnt fooking disgusting!



absolutely degenerate

hey im also critical of myself, not just evil women.

but i dont go around spraying sperm into errant cvnts and playing around with LIFE the way THEY do. I dont discard people like used Con-doms.  Failing to live up to your potential seems like a minor sin compared to that!

I just want to be treated like a HUMAN BEING by women, hahahaha. is that so much to ask hahaha.

how come women can’t treat humans like humans?

because theyre evil sociopaths!!!! OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!


THAT is why I Hate Women!!!!!

I would STILL never treat them the way they have treated me!


I have very low self esteem and dont really like myself that much, but I still want to be treated NICELY! So I am NICE to other people! Including women and nonwhites! I am nice to EVERYONE as a RULE!

so yeah basically i discovered that I DONT NEED HER to TELL ME that we had a REAL Friendship.

And this is reassuring. because before I doubted my ability to KNOW anything, to trust my on mind, essentially. That I was losing my grip on reality and I didnt know what was real and what was imaginary. In terms of my Rels with Women I mean, not in a schizo sense where you hallucinate shit.

but still its VERY distrubing to think that your mind can be SO WRONG on something SO IMPORTANT to you, that you can’t tell reality from your imagination. VERY distrubing. of course the WOMEN do play a role in that as well. they shouldnt be cutting you off so harshly. they should be treating you like a human being. I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I AM A HUMAN BEING!

they should respect that NOT EVERYONE’S OXYTOCIN RECEPTORS ARE AS FOOKED UP AS YOURS (i mean their own).


some of us still think The Life Creation Process MEANS something.


EXCUSE ME for treating the people I do the Life Creation Process with LIKE HUMAN BEINGS. JEEEZ.

I like this young female golfer jessica korda, she is just beautiful. my ideal woman probably. young, non potatoey, natural blond, very innocent looking. horry sheet.

much beautiful, very wow hahahaha

she has this very young, girlish, innocent look to her, like she hasnt been with too many guys. i hope she hasn’t.

anyway I would totally marry her hahahaha. not likely to happen tho haha.

technically I saw pictures of “gay porn” today as I did an mturk task, approving pictures for apparently a gay male dating site as clean or dirty. some of the perverted degenerates took Dick Pics or even pictures of their gay assholes. the Instructions even showed a man sucking another mans dick and another man sticking a dildo up his ass. (as an example of what would be considered SEXUAL and should be rejected) I did not stare at those pictures too long. I finished the task and decided to not take any more from that group.

the user submitted pictures did not contain gay sex but did have a few Selfies of their Dicks and Gay ASsholes.

I mean that jessica korda is just RADIANT. She looks like a nice sweet gurl. I could be very very wrong but I do like that look a lot. My female FORMER friend had that look kinda. other times she looked like an ice cold bitch. But she was actually really really really nice. until the end. when she was really ice cold. that sucked.

anyway I do not count these gay pictures towards my porno strike. which stands at 202 days so far. basically I had to intentionally seek out the porno and probably massage the meat while watching it. typically what men do with porno. but yeah i have since then decided to go on strike and never look at it again. it can bring me NOTHING good. I encourage ALL men to CEASE THIS F4GGOTRY AT ONCE.

It can ONLY do you good to NEVER look at it again.

oh fook you johns hopkins organ donation, did it ever occur to you that i finished the survey and THEN accepted then HIT, because sometimes you forget to accept the hit before clicking on the survey, but YOU have the power to prevent that?

I sent them a dispute and hopefully they arent little bitches to me. youre working for johns hopkins, you are already a winner in life and can probably pull a good mate and definitely a good job. and i dont care about the 15 cents, I care about my Worker Reputation. it’s not easy to keep it above 99%.  every rejection knocks you down a LOT, just like in real life life, and if you’re rejected more than 1% of the time, you’re consiered a loser.

this Korda gurl is of CZECH descent. well good for her. I like Czechs. some beautiful slavs there. Would bang hahahaha. would marry/10 hahahaha


we slavs probably are more emotional and hot-blooded than the cool-headed, more rational aryan hyperborean ubermensch, but thats just the way it is.

Maybe That Woman was so cowardly to me because she was not a Slav so she could not relate to me on my level. She was a Scots or Irish or something. I think. Well this is BS, I think all Whites are capable of being decent to each other, whether they are a Slav or a Saxon.

Should I have KNOWN BETTER, getting feelings for a Non-Slav?

I think this is going a bit too far. I luved her just as much as I could luv any Slav woman, any HUHWHYTE woman.

they say its not luv, its infatuation. this is disqualifying the validity of your fee fees.

MUH FEELINGS ARE VALID! If I say I luved you, then its luv!

This is different that if she feels betrayed, then I betrayed her. no, i didnt DO that. you can TEST that. just like you could TEST that I luved her. she didnt luv me, fine, that’s valid, i agree with that. BUT DONT TELL ME HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!


At this point, thank GOD, I am over the Betrayal Issue, ie I just dont care any more.

she can think whatever her idiot brain thinks, but shes WRONG. just like I was WRONG about……..well I wasnt WRONG for luving her. It’s no surprise i fell in luv with her. And I never thought my chances were GOOD. I was just WRONG to think she would have more courage and spine here.

whys it so important to me that SHE felt the rel was important to HER? well because that is necessary for it to be a Real Rel and not a Pseudorel that was all in my mind, THATS WHY.

If you WANT an explanation, you wont be satisfied with ANY explanation hahahaha.

so you could say the same about me wanting an explanation from her!

well i didnt really want an EXPLANATION, I jsut wanted SOMETHING. Well, I wanted Kindness and Respect and Courage and to be treated like a Human Being. I don’t care about an explanation. The explanation is she’s Just Not That Into Me. I already KNOW the explanation.

I am more concerned with being Tuff Enough to handle Tuff Jobs like Post Office where you get RODE all day.

We really didnt get RODE much at the stupid call center. Sure there was a gentle push to be like yeah theres a little room for improvement here, but I know your job is tuff and you’re doing good, you are generally really good. i guess its nothing like that at the post office. supervisors follow you around in their cars to make sure you are going fast enough. you cant go to the bathroom. you know why they dont even knock on the door when they have a package?


because the new people are held to the same standard as the veterans!

because the standards are already ridiculous! it is VERY DIFFICULT to meet the BARE MINIMUM! its one thing to get bitched at if you are slacking. but when you are busting ass trying to do the bare minimum, and getting bitched at… need to hire more people and give them more time to do it. replace broken equipment that causes processors and then clerks to start late.

or if you want the routes done faster, have more people do them.

or train them better.

i mean thats why they hire PSE’s, to avoid paying career people overtime.

yet they often give pse’s a lot of overtime.

so………….why not just hire more pse’s and not pay ANY of them overtime?

I think that would be a win for the company wouldn’t it? also the PSE’s who are not getting any time off would like it.

similar thing in my old company there. there was a lot of overtime . i thought, why didnt they just hire more people?

so heres my theory: because it would cost MORE to hire enough people to find people who are GOOD enough that you would WANT them to work overtime. you just lay off the people who “arent getting it fast enough” but realize they are also expensive for having to pay unemployment.

BUTTTTTTTT….. you hire and lay off a bunch of people ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the people who don’t stay long probably wont get enough HOURS to be ELIGIBLE for unemployment anyway! you need to make x0000 dollars in the past 5 quarters.

so hire a lot of people LIKE YOU DO ANYWAY, just hire MORE and that way you wont have to pay ANYONE overtime. even if the people you usually give overtime to are your more skilled people.

maybe thats the argument. the skilled people are SO skilled, they add more VALUE being paid OVERTIME than the average person does not being paid overtime.

but when you are working OVERTIME, arent you more likely to be tired and stressed and upset and add LESS value?

and there is a whole CASTE of BUSINESS ANALYSTS who are supposed to use statistics to answer all these legit important questions!

anyway, the answer to things that dont make sense like this is ALWAYS…..because it SAVES money.

so it SAVES MONEY to pay 100 hours of overtime, than to hire 10 new people?

i guess. businesses have been known to be wrong.

because it SAVES MONEY IN THE SHORT TERM. that is the better answer. The shit could be HORRIBLE for the long term, but the SHORT TERM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE LONG TERM.


So I hate how this leads to constantly changing shit that is OBVIOUSLY bad for the long term, just to cut costs in the short term.

Great topic and great thoughts by everybody! I know that pain as well.

Not to offer unsolicited advice (hahahaha) I would tentatively lean towards meeting with the “MILF” (some people may quite understandably construe that term as disrespectful, but I know what you mean!) and just trying to have fun meeting someone new who you are attracted to. At the very worst, it will be an interesting story. Maybe think of it like that. Very low expectations, just trying to have fun talking to somebody.

Of course I don’t advocate using fellow human beings purely as “experience fodder” but…..I think experience CAN increase a man’s confidence, and IMHO confidence is so ridiculously important for men to have. Confidence might be THE most important aspect of a man’s personality when it comes to meeting women ( and THE most important thing in preventing depression and low self-esteem. Basically confidence is one of the most important things a man can have, period.) I can say this because I have been very unsuccessful with women and I have very low confidence, hahaha. Only somewhat kidding. But, when I have had some very limited success with women….I was at a relative high of confidence. And certainly this generates the opposite of a vicious circle: a self-perpetuating awesome circle of confidence, if you will, where confidence makes you more successful with women, which in turn makes you even more confident, etc.

Problem is, many of these “confident” guys are also narcissistic DBags as we all have seen, and I agree that these NARCISSISTS are some pretty f’ed up, toxic people, which people with a healthy self-image would not want to be associated with.

But there are also good confident people too. Good confident vs bad confident. Maybe you have a male friend who is a total happy go lucky “normie.” He seems to have everything: decent job, decent relationship, but is also himself a decent guy. Just a really good, decent, well-rounded, admirable guy, who is not a dbag. Well, maybe you don’t know anybody like this! But I am basically trying to describe a man who has a healthy, respectful kind of confidence. A real decent good guy, vs a narcissistic “Bad Boy” Thug. The latter I see as being a Mere Caricature of the Authentic Masculinity presented by the former. I hope I don’t have to explain why one should strive for the authentic over the inauthentic!

I am trying to think of a celebrity or a character I could use as an example of Good Confidence. I can’t really, hahaha. Maybe Hank Hill from King of the Hill. Just a solid, respectable man, who is confident in himself, but also very respectful and kind to others.

So I would still tentatively encourage you to meet up with the older woman, and let us know how it goes. It could be fun, and help your confidence. Or it could be a total clusterf**k, but at least it will be a very interesting story, hahaha.

I don’t really think we need to be worried about you “using the woman for experience” when you have no intention of having a serious relationship with her……because I think there are probably many women on Tinder who go into it with those very same expectations! (Well, they might call it “having fun” or “casual dating” or “meeting new people to hang out with.” Point is, it’s very unlikely this woman will want to marry you on the first date, hahaha, and vice-versa.) The important thing is that you have clear communication of both yours and her expectations and wants, and to not lead anybody on. Just have open, honest, grown-up communication. (I realize this is easier said than done. But I think most of us on DF are emotionally articulate people who are more than capable of communicating their thoughts and feelings to others!)

So I say go for it, just don’t lie to anyone. (I mean in the sense of “leading on” someone who wants a serious relationship, when you don’t. If you’re like me, you’ve only ever been on the receiving end of that and not the giving end! But I worry about accidentally doing to others what has been done to me. Anyway, I don’t think it’s THAT hard not to lead somebody on! Just have open, honest communication.) (Of course you are entitled to not talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable talking about, for example she asks you about other relationships you have had. Then I might “get creative” and bend the truth a little bit, while steering the conversation towards a new topic, with a confident smile, hahaha)

Confidence is SO important to a man’s well-being, and this is an opportunity for you to build confidence without hurting anyone. (Not that I would ever recommend hurting anyone anyway! I am referring to “bad” confidence and narcissism, in which people essentially gain a sense of power by controlling others.)

Good luck and feel free to update!


30 year old man in a horrid retail job, and nevergf, kissless virgin, tired of seeing qt gurls all day, with dbags, and he can’t get anyone to swipe right on him on tinder, and he is lonely and frustrated. He is debating whether to go out with a “44 year old MILF” from tinder. I tentatively encourage him to do it.

oh yeah. i havent listened to any milliennial woes for months. i kinda felt guilty so I donated 5 dollas to him the other day IM SO GENEROUS AND KIND.

but I also watched a few recent vidyas and my god they were good and I would give them a DUMPTRUCK of Likes:



some good stuff about men, women, mgtows, rapeugees, and why women should probably not have the vote because they will gladly WELCOME IN THEIR OWN CONQUERORS, and on some level possibly want to be conquered (my words not MW’s!!!!!!) and they just dont have the long term vision or racial awareness or big picture thinking to see how welcoming hordes of barbaric male rapeugees could POSSIBLY be a bad thing. because we’re helping the needy, and omg those syrian men are so much secsier than the wimpy girly men at home! (again my words not MW’s, but this is kinda what he is saying, in a much more classy way.)

also, MW has a tom petty and the heartbreakers shirt which he wears sometimes in some vidyas, and this might be it. only kewl people like me and MW like TP and the HBs. Always a good sign.

ANYWAY, the guy certainly has not declined in quality and I would like to donate ANOTHER 5 dollars to him this year hahahahaha. there is a damn good REASON he is at the top of muh list. I have just become a bit more 1488 than him hahaha. he needs to stop being so NICE and CIVIL. shit I need to stop being so NICE and CIVIL.



may 27

wanted to quickly say that night before last i had a dream with THAT WOMAN. it sounds worse than it actually was.

also yes I got alot out of her, but I didn’t ASK a lot of her, if that makes sense. I didn’t EXPECT her to luv me back. I only expected her to show me some kindness and effort and talk to me and hang out with me. She didnt have to make a huge effort for me to get energy and a “FIX” from her. She just had to talk to me and be generally nice to me and sometimes hang out with me.

In other words I was not Leaning on her like a crutch and making unreasonable demands from her to halp me with muh derpression. like some people are simply intolerable to their boifrans and their excuse is they have derpression. no i dont do that at all to other people. I see it as my problem to deal with. my cross to bear. i dont push that burden on anyone else. partly because i dont think anybody would understand. partly because thats like Emotional Blackmail. I’m thinking of women who are Bitches to their Doting Husbands. Yeah well I wasn’t bitchy in that way to her, other than begging her to hang out with me. and she wasn’t doting to me at all. she wouldnt even hang out with me.

but yeah she wasn’t really The Bad Guy either, I can understand why she was a coward. I am just concerned about her viewing me as the bad guy. I was awkward and stupid but I wasnt the bad guy.

i wasnt the bad guy, she wasnt the bad guy, but i think she was More At Fault for the shitty situation hahahahaha.

yesterday went for walk in afternoon and mind was RACING. much like it was when i was at previous job. racing and worrying about the job. is this going to be a feature of EVERY job? it wasnt on my previous previous job. i NEVER WORRIED about that job. i could go in, come out, and never think about it. I could do other things in Life, like hang out with friends, even take some College Classes.  no way could I do that with the job I would go to next. which I never would have got if I hadn’t become Close Friends with HER hahahaha. in other words I wish I never met her. she was a Net Loss on my life hahaha. she brought a lot of good at the time……but even MORE bad in the end.

i might be mre willing to do Split Shifts if some of them didnt start at 3 am. and if the place were a little bit closer.

but now i sound like a weak whiner and n199er who is afraid of work! workophobia! real jobs SUCK! get used to it or be a loser the rest of your life!

well not ALL the shifts would be split….would they? these managers seemed OK. but it was hard to say.

elvis worked as a machine operator, truck driver, and was studying to become an electrician. all before the age of 20. but music was his first passion hahahaha.  i am watching stupid tv shows about elvis. i am not a huge elvis fan, but I find the stories of peoples lives interesting. plus he was a white redneck. my kind of person. white redneck playing “negermusik” and probably fooking black bitches hahahahaha. and becoming a bloated pill popping degenerate hahaha.

if the music has drums, its degenerate negermusik! hahahahahaha

but i dont think he was a huge partier when he was young. and his degeneracy is minor compared to average celebrities.

well he cheated on his wife a lot and apparently was into Pills from a fairly young age. Speed, Barbiturates, Quaaludes, Painkillers, Tranquilizers, Benzos.

but he was very generous to his family and friends. buying them houses and cars.


so I was getting mad at her, I was shouting this at her as she was walking away. HEY. DONT LEAVE. LISTEN TO ME! Then she rolled her eyes and stayed, although it was clear she was mad at me and thought I was the bad guy. that I was unreasonable.

Also another part where she was with a female friend of hers (fictional person) and I started raging misogynistically against the other woman, saying you slut, you whore, how many guys you fooked, how many abortions you had, and looked like a raging misogynist in front of my female friend.

another scene where me and that woman were listening to an anti-abortion speaker, who was raging about the horrific evil and cruelty of abortion, of chopping up the innocent infant in the womb, and that woman was getting emotional and upset, and I touched her hand and said there there sweetie, itll be ok, i am here to comfort you.

so that was about it. not sure if the dream is teaching me anything. except that I am a woman hater and that I was the bad guy for wanting to talk to her hahahaha. great lesson. well how do i stop being a woman hater? just stop hating women.  hehe. i dont even deal with any women. I just have contempt for women in general. but individually, I can appreciate individual women once I get to sort of know them even a little bit, like work with them or see them as an actual person.

so uhhhhh if i get a job with women or make women friends I will stop hating women so much? probably.

i didnt hate the women i used to work with. even if they were cheating whores. i got along with mostly everyone. certainly i had no interest in becoming Friends with them if they were cheating whores. but I automatically respected anyone who worked at my job, just for being in the same hell as I was and coming back day after day and sucking it up.

ayo mcdonalds workers. want 15 dollars an hour? get a job as a PSE at the post office. if I have a chance, anybody has a chance. you might not even need high school.  i mean you dont need high school or college anyway, just these f4ggots demand it.

the pse job pays 15-16 an hour.

may 27 1:35 pm: made muh first donation to MILLENNIAL WOES. 5 fookin dollas. this is nothing. I should have done this YEARS ago. I should be a regular supporter and giving him money every month. But I had to finally donate SOMETHING to this guy who has enriched my life and the lives of so many. Need to get some skin in the game. Good shit like him SHOULDN’T BE free.  I SHOULD be donating to him.

Note to Millennial Woes
Keep up the great, important work my lad !!!!!! I would donate more but muh neetism. I should have donated a long time ago but lazy. Will donate more when I resolve my own issues, haha. Don’t stress yourself out! If you want to do a website, IMHO a very important part would be a FORUM where people could qualitypost and especially arrange real life meatspace meetups, somewhat like TRS forum. I bet people in the UK and beyond would be willing to arrange transportation for you to distant locales. Also I would totally buy T-shirts, although I know a bathrobe would be more appropriate. Skype and hangouts are great, but I think real-life meetups are even better. Also I would love for you to find a nice woman and have some mini-Woeses someday!!!!!! If this d’nation features my real name, please don’t go doxing me all over the internet, hahahaha. Hopefully I will be able to donate more soon. You are doing GOD’S WORK!!







I havent even watched a MW video in months. I don’t think he is 1488 enough hahahaha. But I feel an emotional connection with him. he is a kindred spirit. who knows. maybe he is 1488 enough. He definitely cares about the white race I think. THat’s good enough for me. A white who cares about other whites. Good enough to get 5 dollars out of me. Not even enough to buy 1 pack of cigarettes hahahaha. I should have told him to do roll your own cigarettes, that could maximize donation money hahaha.  i am entitled to give him advice and suggestions because now I’m a SUPPORTING MEMBER with my GENEROUS dnation hahaha.

oh shit I should have also told him to look at muh blog hahahaha.

technically I donated more to TRS hahaha. I donated like 6.75 to them. oy vey. well I will make another 5 dollar donation to MW in the next…….7 months hahahaha.

well i can say I am not nearly as PLAGUED with CONSTANT and STRONG thoughts like I NEED to CONTACT her.  I still feel great pain, but remember, a LOT of that pain is coming from my job/life situation too. and at least I have NOT felt the urge to contact her. it took 9.5 months of No Contact but I got there. that is prob my biggest gain. I am signif less tempted to contact her.

I wish she would contact ME tho!

because I still want her. will take at least another 9 months to get over THAT i think.

took .75 of a nyquil dose yseterday and spent 12 hours in bed hahahaha.

heh. whenever I see an attractive young woman, espec under the age of 20, when they are super young and at Peak Hawtness, my first thought is, that fookin little wh0re, i wonder how many cox shes fooked, the little slut, so promiscuous. this is not a good thing to think about white gurls.

shit I mean there are enough arab and albanian gurls that I can get out all my women hate on them. its ok for them to be sluts. well. assuming they get abortions. which they probably wont. not that abortion still isnt barbaric.

i dunno. i dont like being a woman hater, but I can’t shut off the instinctual disgust towards women. like you dirty sluts. you have such a powerful important gift from GOD and then you defile yourselves and show no appreciation for human life.

im against abortion because its harmful.

im against promiscuity because its HARMFUL. at the very least it severely hurts the feeeeelings of the incel crybaby beta bitchboi, when you lose interest in him and replace him with another chad on the carousel. its HURTFUL, it makes him feel really small and expendable. no one deserves to feel like that.

that nazi gurl evalion was shut down from youtube. she is really qt and she knows it and she loved the attention, and I don’t like gurls like this, and hitler cupcakes are just ridiculous, but it’s possible she made some very persuasive and powerful vidyas. I didnt watch any bc qt young gurls are too triggering for me. thats how much I hate women. when I see a qt young woman saying good nationalist pro-white things, I automatically think the worst. not OH GOOD! another woke ass white person. like when I see muh boys at TRS or such. I see a young woman and automatically get TRIGGERED.

but yeah it is true that women in This Particular Movement are a little weird. not necess an infiltrator, but just bandwagon jumpers and attention seekers.

but they are saying good things! if you blocked out her pretty body and face and just listened to her words, you would probably agree, yes right on. preach.

but thats just how TRIGGERED i get by qt young women. I see her and think DAMN I have never been with a woman that attractive. I haven’t Cuddled with a Young Woman in 11 years hahahaha.  I am a total INCEL hahaha.

maybe thats why i hate pretty young women. they remind me it has been 11 years since i even touched a woman. and she was a damn k1ke hahahah and a slut. I don’t hate her though. I just wish it were a nice white gurl, or that there had ever been a nice white gurl in the 11 years since, and that recently i fell in luv with a nice white gurl who I was closer to than any other woman, and it ended in the worst way than it had with any woman ever. hahaha. cool story bro.

ok going to go walk outside and listen to nile and 1488 dadcast hahaha.

neets and incels hahahaha.

yeah when you have no female friends you get really insecure about women, like I am so weird and women are so weird too.

well i know a couple women who are generally nice to me. they dont think im too weird. i see them once a week at my social thing. except we are not close though. they are both practically married and good for them since i am not particularly attracted to either one. i know i said the same thing about That Woman but…..yeah. these women are just not even CONCEIVABLY attractive to me, even if I WERENT hung up on somebody. When I first me That Woman, I said, yeah she’s fairly cute, I SHOULD BE more attracted to her, but I am too hung up on this other gurl. In no way am I close to saying I SHOULD BE more attracted to these other women I am acquainted with.  i just cant say that. they are way less attractive than her.

maybe my problem is I only go after ATTRACTIVE women. thats kind of LOOKIST isnt it?

i mean I am not super attractive!

but I like girls that are “ugly pretty” or kind of weird looking. This was easier to understand when I was younger. Now that I am old, young IS pretty, with no bullshit artificial qualifiers like “ugly pretty.”

anyway i am less mad at other women who dumped me because….we didnt really HAVE anything there. they barely knew me and I barely knew them. I was foolish and naive to get feelings so FAST, even if they were sluts for giving it up so fast.

this was different. when you know someone for 2.7 years, how can you just replace them, delete them so easily? you CANT. its a lot easier when you have only “known” the person for 3 months.

so yeah. thats muh beef. thats why im so butthurt. beause you just dont do this with someone youve really KNOWN for a LONG TIME.

love and friendship. what is this, whit stillman bringing back chloe sevingny and kate beckinsale who he did “the last days of disco” with. looks like it. A few years ago I would have gone to the movie theatre to see this. i mean I still should. chloe still looks good and whit is a good filmmaker. i was just more into him a few years ago. there is very few things I will go to a movie theatre for. Although I SHOULD go to the Budget Theatre. just get blazed and go there. I used to go all the time. Not getting blazed  however (though I should have.)

If Lars von Trier makes a nondegenerate movie I will go to the art theatre to see that. I saw Antichrist and Melancholia in the theatre but I did not go see nymphomaniac, I was starting to get really anti-degenerate by that time, and didn’t see why LVT had to go so far. well because thats what he DOES. he has a degen streak a MILE wide. kinda like gaspar noe.  i mean a nondegen filmmaker is hard to find, but those guys are just extreme.

i still think of myself as a Movie Buff even though I haven’t even WATCHED a movie in a year, and haven’t gone to the movie theatre in like two or three years. but around 2010, 2011, I was going to the movie theatre 2 times a WEEK. just see shitty movies just to DO something. it was something to DO.

well I guess now I am more diligent about Exercising, and that is BETTER than watching some degen shitty MOVIE.

heh. 461 calories under muh goal and I am STARVING. Had a big dinner, got right up to muh calorie goal, went for nice walk, burned 407 calories, now I am 461 and STARVING. about to go to bed. I guess it’s good to go to bed hungry. hahahaha.

reading all the negative reviews on glassdoor about post office jobs hahahaha. definitely more negative than positive hahaha. stories of people who worked 360 days straight hahahaha.  going months without a day off, being constantly Harrassed by managers for not working efficiently enough….even though you really cant work faster.

well i have some people in my family who work at the PO and they are very nice people. one I think is career and the other is probably PSE or casual. whats the difference?

heh. maybe I shouldnt have gone so whole hog with the post office. the reviews are generally negative. really negative. for pse’s. which is what I would be doing. either a pse cca or a pse mpc. mail processing clerk.