ABANDONING A FRIEND IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ESCAPING AN ABUSER

may 4

Awesome post I just made in that epic despair forums thread:::::::::::::::::::::::

excellent points! I think a fair amount of people might arrive at MRA or MGTOW after repeated disappointments, rejections, and failures with women. I know I did! But as I have become more of a “traditionalist white knight”, I have moved away from that element, saying “wow, these guys really DO look like a bunch of basement-dwellers who are trying to make themselves feel better about their total failure with women, by building it into a social, political, philosophical movement. And I don’t want to be one of those bitter, butthurt neckbeard woman-haters, etc….”  Possibly myself buying into the negative stereotypes about MRAs!

But I think a lot of us don’t avoid unflinching, brutal self-examination either: “I keep getting rejected, maybe the common denominator here is me!” In fact, this first brought me to “Game” when I was a fairly young man, before I moved to MRA/MGTOW.  I thought, maybe there’s something I’m doing wrong, I hate to be a victim of circumstance, maybe I can take some responsibility/ownership/agency over this.

Game is controversial for many reasons: it’s dishonest, manipulative, insincere, mechanical, amoral, immoral, creepy, etc. I had no interest in the most extreme “Pick Up Artists” and I preferred more “intelligent” writers like Heartiste/Roissy. Also there was the sense of “I’m not THAT weird and creepy, I’m basically a decent person, I can make regular friends, do I really have to completely retrain my brain just become attractive to women? Is it really supposed to be this hard? It’s not that complicated, I’m just shy around women! Millions of men have been through this!”

For me, the most important lesson I took out of Game could be boiled down into two words: Be Masculine. (or, Be Confident.) As a not super-masculine guy, that is probably where Game could help me the most. But just like hardcore MGTOW, I think one can get tunnel-vision if they spend too much time reading this kind of stuff.

Game eventually brought me to MRA and MGTOW, as I wasn’t just concerned about my own personal failure to attract women, but also the broader consequences of feminism and strained male/female relationships on society at large.

But I wonder if Game implies more of a sense of personal agency than MRA/MGTOW (sorry to lump those two terms together, I know not all MRA’s are MGTOWs, haha), in the sense that Game says here’s a problem I have some control over, while MRAs might say, the system is rigged against us, and there’s nothing we can do but just stay away, not get involved.

For me, much of it was partially related to my own resentment about my own constant failure with women. I don’t regret the time I spent in these movements, as they have taught me many useful things about a “red pill” perspective. But some of Game and some of MRA were too much of a “black pill” for me: watching the world burn, enjoying the decline, nihilistic, Fight Club, Joker sort of mentality.

Now, I do realize we are possibly living in the Kali Yuga and have to “Ride the Tiger” as Evola says, hahaha, but now I believe that men and women can be partners in this struggle.

I’ve just tried to integrate it all into an ongoing synthesis. I’m not a helpless victim of big bad women or misandrist society, and could probably improve my results with women by taking personal action on very “simple” things like be more masculine, be more confident.

However, we DO live in a “fallen world” where the dating scene seems very grim and disgusting: people having casual sex with multiple people they meet on Tinder, women being fooled by shallow caricatures of masculinity rather than choosing a more healthy masculinity. (Choosing “thugs” and “Bad boys” and “deadbeat losers” over more reliable men. This can also come from not having good masculine role models growing up, such as a decent father.)

However, I also fully appreciate women’s role as the Choosers in mating, simply because women bear all the reproductive risks of getting pregnant. It frustrates me that many women don’t seem to understand this, though. All the contraceptive technology and changing attitudes about sex will NEVER change the fact that women are the ones who get pregnant, which essentially makes them the choosers. So when some women say “The double standard is BS, women should be able to have casual sex just like men,” I shake my head sadly and view it almost like a “baby with a gun”, meaning they don’t realize the awesome power they hold. With great power comes great responsibility, haha.

Basically, I just wanted to bleat about my own special snowflake perspective on relationships, haha!  My personal opinion is that a healthy, loving relationship is a beautiful, possibly sacred thing, and is a goal very much worth struggling and sacrificing toward, and I have accepted that it’s not supposed to come easily. (However, I never thought it would be this difficult, and it’s very hard not to compare yourself to others: oh look, that person is only 22 and they have been in a relationship for 4 years, I would really like to know what that’s like, someone to cuddle with who doesn’t immediately dump you, bla bla bla.) The changing sexual attitudes in society have also been very damaging to both men and women, under the guise of “liberation” and “freedom” and “equality” and “exploration/discovery”.

I would like to get married (probably not a legal or state-sanctioned marriage, haha) and have children, as I see children and family-building to be a very natural and beautiful step in the Circle of Life, haha, which is just as naturally and beautifully preceded by a healthy, committed relationship to act as a foundation for that family. Yeah I admit this is very idealized, fairy tale sort of stuff, but I HAVE seen normal everyday average people who generally embody these ideals. Basically just try not to have children with a deadbeat, haha, but we can also see around us many sad examples of people who have hit this pitfall.

But I also think some MRA/MGTOWs come across as bitter and woman-hating and think All Women Are Like That (AWALT/NAWALT/etc.) I too am bitter, and especially bitter right now, as I am still very much struggling with a HUGE bitter heartbreak, and REALLY trying not to let that influence my opinion of other women. But I really don’t want to BE a woman-hater. It’s really no fun, haha. I don’t want to hate women! I also don’t want to keep a “safe distance” from women. I really would prefer to have women in my life rather than not.

I’ve never been sure How Many Women Are Like That: 51%? 49%? 80%? 99.9%? 10%? I just can’t get a good read on that, and that actually gives me hope. Like if I truly believed 99.9% of women were two-faced evil scammers…I would essentially already be a woman-hater, haha. In other words, I believe the number is much more likely to be closer to 50% than to 99%…..and I am cautiously optimistic it could be well below 50%!  (Whenever I don’t know what a proportion might be, I always assume 50%, and then hope to be pleasantly surprised, hahaha.)

I have been moving away from “egalitarianism” however, in that I believe we need to fully embrace the differences between men and women. Women can get pregnant and therefore have the right to choose their mate…..but with that comes the responsibility to treat sex very carefully and to choose wisely. And men do have the responsibility to protect and provide for their woman. Also I believe women are more inclined to groupthink and conformity, so when our society is promulgating some very disturbing attitudes, women may be less inclined to question that mainstream authority, while Serious Men such as ourselves think much more deeply on the the implications, haha.

I get sad when I see MGTOWs in their 40s and beyond. I think it’s a shame this man didn’t get married and have children, he would probably be a great husband and father. Well….some MGTOWs, haha. I much prefer a guy like Bernard Chapin to Bar Bar, for example. So I am personally thankful that I “moved on” from MGTOW well before age 35, hahaha. Also it’s sad to see 18 year old boys proclaiming themselves as MGTOWs. Yes there are crazy risks in getting involved with the wrong women, and yes our society can give incentives to tempt women over to “the dark side”, but I firmly believe the potential rewards of a good wife and family outweigh the risks of having your life ruined by a Borderline Personality. There is really no reason to “give up” on women.

But yeah, I hear ya! I totally understand that one’s own personal experiences can deeply influence the way we view the world, for better and for worse. The same thing happened to me!  And as you move through life, your viewpoint can change over time. For example, I have not become any more successful with women, but I think my view of women has actually become more positive.  (Not that we should avoid “pessimistic realism” just because it is pessimistic, or avoid talking about very real and serious problems!)

Also if you have any tendency towards Aspergers/autism/spectrum that can definitely play an important role. Some speculate that autism is a “hyper-masculine” way of viewing the world, in the sense of logic, reason, thinking, possibly overthinking, haha, and also really struggling with relationships. And it’s certainly true autism spectrum conditions are MUCH more prevalent in men than in women. (I think, haha. Too lazy to find a good source.) This may all make the somewhat Aspergery man feel very alienated from women, which IMHO is not a good feeling!

I’ve also heard anecdotes of autistic men who do very well with women, simply because they always speak their mind and seem to have great confidence, don’t care what other people think, etc. But I’m guessing this is moreso the exception than the rule, and that these men are probably skewed towards being very physically attractive.

ANYWAY I don’t want to get off topic too much, but the themes in this thread are right in my wheelhouse, haha. Also I want to give a more “fair and balanced” view of MRA/MGTOW to the women, as this is not a men-only forum, and over the past several years, I’ve seen mentions of MRA in surprisingly mainstream media (or comment sections of), and they are always stereotyped as paranoid women-haters who can’t get over their own failure with women and therefore paint all women with the same brush. So I wanted to defend the legitimate concerns of MRAs, while at the same time admitting that yes, there can be a component of personal issues with women. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, haha.

As always feel free to keep this epic thread going!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////END AUSTRALIAN QUALITYPOST

the OP is a spergy 30 year old virgin who is into some mgtow stuff and i can relate quite a bit to him, except he is more spergy, and more bipolar. and more mgtow. i am trying to gradually pull him over to white knight white nationalism hahahahaha, but he is probably too much in an misanthropic black pill nihilistic libertarian phase. maybe i will get banned from the forum for my woman-hating hahaha.

god forbid youre a woman hater, hahaha.

no i;m not really a woman hater! i’d much rather be remembered as a Huge Racist, than a woman hater!

im a sexist sure, but not a woman HATER!!!!

i’m a racist sure! but i dont…..well im dismayed by nonwhites in my neighborhood being annoying, and i am hugely dismayed by white women being huge whores. i dont like seeing women of my race throwing themselves away (and by extension, our race.) (but I guess even though women create life, the responsibility falls on the man to really guide the preservation of our race. and this has been real hard for me to come to terms with. how can women, who can get pregnant, who bear all the risks, not care about their race at all? i’m not sure. i’ll never be sure. but they just don’t.)

WELL….some women do. SOME women are still sensible enough to not even WANT to mudshark. SOME women are sensible enough to want to date men ONLY of their race. i just need to find those type of women, those are definitely my type of women.

its not just perception. its that rejection and loss is LEGIT PAINFUL.

its like you dont tell somebody with cancer to just get over it, cancer is legit horrible!

ok rejection and loss is not THAT bad, but its still legit pretty bad! it’s not all a matter of perception!

when somebody important LEAVES you in such a CALLOUS, SUDDEN way!

It’s not ESCAPING AN ABUSER. This is called ABANDONING A FRIEND. two very different things.

It’s not that I had no ownership over my feelings. It’s just that she had SOME ownership over my feelings too, because she was the one who rejected me! and she made no effort to be nice about it!

i wasnt asking her to not reject me! I was asking her to reject me a LITTLE nicer!!!!!

thats what i want her to understand! and the court of women to understand! I’m mature and reasonable enough to know I can’t EXPECT someone to LOVE me! But I CAN SORT OF expect someone ive known a long time and not abused or betrayed, to reject me a little more considerately!!!!!

but life isnt fair!

but nobody deserves this! life being unfair doesnt give anyone the RIGHT to BE unfair!

and i deserved better treatment from a friend of 2.7 years!

shit yeah i am harping on that point but thats my best argument.

really? THATS my BEST argument?

well its not a BAD argument, is it?

a better way to phrase it would be: we were friends for 2.7 years, couldnt you even write ONE EMAIL? ONE TEXT? ONE WORD?

wow. my RAM came in on wednesday and I quickly installed it without issue. even though i had never done this before. that was kind of confidence building but I wouldnt want to walk OTHER people through it! I didnt even realize that you couldnt used DDR3 with DDR2 motherboards! i thought things were Cross Compatible!

good thing I got the right kind of memory and it was recognized by the computer!

still dont know what SODIMM is. i just know now that DDR, 2, and 3 have the little notches in different places so they wouldnt even FIT in a different slot, youd have to BREAK it.

download SPECCY from piriform to show you all the specs of your computer that windows wont show you hahahahaha. like if you have DDR2 or DDR3 RAM. what your version of BIOS is.

i cant explain any of this stuff. I just know Its A Thing. I dont CARE to UNDERSTAND it. i’d like to see HER explain it.

id like if she would just talk to me wawawawawawawawawawawawawa

the right person wouldnt need to come BACK to you, because they would never LEAVE you in the first place.

or if they did, you would probably be in communication with the person and there would be a lot of mutual struggle back and forth.

not them not contacting you for 9 months. at that point they are not gonna come back. you shouldnt WANT them back!!!!!! but i do.

oh yeah. lyin ted dropped out. did i mention that? that is YUGE. i did not expect that at ALL. I thought he would fight right up to the convention. I mean this is good news, cant stump the trump hahaha.

something would be wrong with you if you DIDNT feel severe pain after a big loss. this is normal and healthy for humans. its not just PERCEPTION or ATTITUDE. when you Lose a Loved One you SHOULD be sad, sometimes VERY sad. And I’d rather be TOO sad than not sad enough! at least I know Im not a sociopath! SHES not sad ENOUGH!!!!! or maybe she is, shes just not telling anyone, hahaha. keeps the pain bottled up and just goes out and fooks and pretends everythings ok. fooks some random guys, creates a few random lives, gets a few random abortions, no big deal.

hahahaha. yeah I will never shy away from portraying women as not being respectful of Life. they live in a Culture of Death.

To That Woman:

I don’t really need to know or want to know WHY, I have a pretty good idea why, you were just overwhelmed and ran away. I just wanted you to Acknowledge my pain and feel a little sorry for my pain, because I felt great pain when you rejected me. Rejection is naturally, normally painful. I was responsible for managing my emotions and feelings, but I think you were responsible for treating me in a respectful way, and I just don’t feel that happened. Think if you were being rejected and didnt want a relationship to end. How would you want THEM to do it to you? And then try to act that way to me. Its just simple golden rule stuff. It’s not easy though, it does take courage, and I haven’t always had courage either.  It was just really painful for me and I wish you cared more about me and my pain. also when you do this, it makes me think I meant nothing to you, but I know I did. So I feel you are denying that I meant anything to you. I mean just as a friend. We werent just passing acquaintances or random people. We were both important friends to each other. When you lose an important person like that it is very painful. I really tried to handle this by talking to you and writing to you. I wish you hadnt turned away and blocked out everything I was trying to say to you. I think what I was saying was worth hearing, and our relationship was valuable enough not to be thrown away in the blink of an eye. We had something really special. Even just in terms of friendship. A friendship IS a kind of relationship, and it can be very very important. I thought we had that. I’d like to move forward in my life knowing that I was once an important person for you. I could never deny you were an important person for me. Just try to show some more concern for me as a human being. You sure used to. This is very hard for me and you truly do have the power to make it a little better for me, and I’d really appreciate it if you did. It’s just not right to block somebody like this unless they are ABUSING you. I’m not abusing you. I was just trying to communicate about an important issue that was affecting BOTH of us.

It just seems you have no conscience towards me. I just wish you felt worse about doing this to me. I mean you do have the power to talk to me. You just choose not to because its the path of least resistance. please show me some more courage than that. this is the last you’ll ever have to deal with me. Wouldnt you rather handle this in a good way than in a bad way? It’s really not like you to just leave me hurting. I know you don’t like me back but don’t punish or hate me for liking you. liking a person is a lot better than just blocking and avoiding them. Has me liking you hurt you nearly as much as you blocking me has hurt me?  I wish you were just willing to talk to me. this is just confusing and mind boggling for me. we used to talk about some pretty important things. lets just do that again, one more time, for the last time.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201410/whats-the-best-way-you-end-relationship

here are some good pointers on how to end a relationship in a healthy way.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/how-break-up-gracefully

Or here. Or also ask someone in your family the best way to dump someone.

Basically, have a conversation in person, and allow the other person to be upset.

END LETTER PORTION hahahaha

Yeah I gotta do that more often. just write a paragraph a day. in letter form. addressing it directly to the person you cannot speak to, that really does help.

GRIP IT AND RIP IT.

I just wish women ACTED like they CARED about getting pregnant sometimes. Like WOW, thats a big deal, so I’m not gonna have casual sex. Becuase I dont want to get pregnant, I dont want to have any abortions, I dont want to use plan B.

I forgot plan B. Some women are so casual about getting Plan B that its Chilling. When I was in college I was hanging out with a female friend (who I did not have feelings for, and who was having Secs with other men, and I didn’t really care, because I didnt want to be having secs with her!) and she said, welp I gotta swing by planned parenthood and get some plan B. uhhhhh ok I said. and she did.

later I realized my ideal woman would not be so casual about swinging by planned parenthood and getting some plan b after a night with me, hahahaha. she would have better control over her body and say, ok Im on the Rag right now so its best that we wait a few days until that’s over, because when it comes to getting preggers, I DONT PLAY AROUND.

shit. if women cared about getting pregnant as much as I CARE about GETTING THEM PREGNANT…….women would me muuuuuuuch more sexually moral and the world would be a better place.

WOMEN SHOULD CARE ABOUT GETTING PREGNANT AS MUCH AS MEN CARE ABOUT GETTING THEM PREGNANT. 

yeah that is gonna become a post title soon hahahaha.

of course many MEN dont care either. theyre like, welp thats her problem, not mine. let her get the plan b or abortion.

I mean im the type of guy who wouldnt THINK of not wearing a rubber, because I don’t trust the woman to not have a disease! I don’t trust the woman to be on the pill! Besides, I don’t really like the pill anyway, I would prefer women dont take the pill. so it was kinda weird to hear my female friends in College talking about the pill and the Ring and Birth Control. and then god forbid plan B. plan B’s even worse, because its not just a Contraceptive, its an ABORTIFACIENT. I bet she would be too dumb to tell you the difference hahahaha.

Right To Choose and Abortion has just been brainwashed into women from a young age that they CANT EVEN SEE THE MORAL ASPECTS of the question. They’re just like, oh this is something modern women have the privilege to do. only religious freaks and women haters say other wise.

whereas if you really got them to THINK about it, really THINK about When Does Life Begin, you could probably convince a lot of women that Abortion is Wrong and thank God I never got an abortion before I realized how wrong it was.

So yeah I like that religious bullshit like make the woman look at an ultrasound first and read this pro-life material first.

that’s probably misogynist of me to think that women DONT EVEN THINK about it. how could you NOT think about it?

Well I honestly think many women try NOT to think about it because they’re afraid they might not be able to go through with it, if they thought about it enough. just get it done quickly before you change your mind. then once youve done it once, well, youve killed your child, no turning back now, hahahaha, you can do it again if needed.

its hard to know what the average woman thinks about abortion anyway. its not exactly an easy discussion to have with a woman.

i mean when i was in college and all the women were on BC and were raging leftists in luv with Barry and hating G Dubs, yeah it was pretty clear they were pro-murder hahahha. but that didnt mean they actually did it themselves.

Besides just because a woman votes for a shitty leftist doesnt mean she luvs abortion. i mean many women are so stupid theyll just vote for hillary because shes a woman. but they might not luv abortion per se. just vote for the woman who luvs abortion hahahaha.

just saying MY ideal woman would go on the record as being against abortion, think its horrible, and would have never done it.

its IMPORTANT and if ANYONE should have a STRONG OPINION on abortion, its WOMEN. I dont really want to think about it is NOT a valid answer.

Just like I would rather not know mudsharks or high-number sluts, I would rather not know any women who have gotten Abortions.

maybe if they had gotten “only” one and they were deeply remorseful for it.

i would still prefer zero abortions. OBVIOUSLY.

Shit one abortion is probably worse than being with one black guy , hahahahaha.

I will also forgive ONE black guy, especially if the woman is remorseful, like yeah that was a bad idea, i’ll never do that again, it’s only white guys from here on out. never again.

How much sluttiness would I forgive. not sure. def not more than 20 guys.

again, the POINT is they are GENUINELY REMORSEFUL. They say, that was a TERRIBLE IDEA. NEVER AGAIN. not “it was a phase.” or “i was young.” or especially “i don’t regret it.” NO. I WANT YOU TO REGRET IT. THATS THE WHOLE POINT.

I can admit when I was wrong, why cant you do the same?

I have regrets, why can’t you admit you have regrets?

this “no regrets” shit is STUPID.

DECENT PEOPLE HAVE REGRETS. 

also will be a poast title soon hahaha.

so yeah the way that woman dealt with this situation makes me wonder if she has the COURAGE NECESSARY to confront TOUGH MORAL QUESTIONS like playing the life creation game, slutting it up, mudsharking, abortions. we know she’s already mudsharked once! not cool at all! and i have no idea if she has remorse about mudsharking itself…..or if she just didnt like THAT guy and would still Fook OTHER black guys. is this REALLY the type of woman I want to be my WIFE, the MOTHER OF MY CHILDREN???!!?!?!?!  I couldn’t even trust her not to MVRDER those children!!!!!!

I thank GOD I’ve never had to be in an abortion situation, where I got a gurl preggers and we had to Decide What To Do…..even though ultimately it was up to her.

And I hope to never BE in that situation.

And so I wonder……how many women in My Generation have gotten abortions? 50%? that would be 2spooky5me!

how many men of my generation have knocked up a gurl and she got an abortion?

has it happened to my male friends? I’m not even CLOSE enough with anyone that they would tell me something like that.

And I feel I was once at the level of closeness with That Woman that she might have been able to tell me something like that.

I mean its DEFINITELY a conversation you should have if you are thinking about MARRYING someone!

I never told you i had an abortion because you never asked hahahahaha. I never told you Ive been with 20 black guys because you never asked!!!!

out of sight, out of mind. if she could ABORT me, she probably could ABORT a BABY too. Do I really want to be with someone like that? Do I really want to be with someone who could ABORT a relationship period? Do I want to be with someone who aborted ME??!?!?!?!?!?!?! That might be a bridge too far. There might be no reconciliation for that. well….. i forgive her….but she hasnt expressed any WANT for forgiveness!

when you ABORT someone, you SHOULD feel bad and seek forgiveness! many women who get abortions feel terrible and guilt and take a long time to forgive themselves and they beg for forgiveness from GOD. sometimes it makes their “relationship” with GOD stronger. and then you better believe they thing about the moral implications of ABORTION. Just too bad they had to have an abortion in order to do that!

I just dont like abortion and the women who have them, ok? hahahaha. Im entitled to my opinion, and I’m also entitled to JUDGE the women who have. well, only GOD can JUDGE, but I can sure say, i’d rather not associate with Abortioners! I don’t want MY wife to be an abortioner unless GOD decides to send me a woman who had one abortion and then repented for it.

and that would involve a lot of deep thought and deep conversation.

I’m just disgusted we live in a world where stupid cowardly young women can get abortion without even really realizing WHAT IT IS.

I seriously question if some of these women really UNDERSTAND what is going on in the Life Creation Process.

Which is frustrating as FOOK, because women play 99.99% of the role in the Life Creation Process! but they dont NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING about it!

its like the black box of object oriented programming. you don’t need to see the code inside the box, you just plop objects in and they supposedly do their job. so everything is reusable and portable and “extensible.”

yeah well we’re not programs gertie, we’re people hahahaha.

we get feelings, and fall in luv, and question whats right and whats evil.

at least the good ones do, hahahaha. the shitty ones just dont give a damn.

i so wanted her to give a damn about me as a person. to stand up and show some backbone when it REALLY COUNTED. this is it. its now or never.

well its not like I put her on the spot and said this is your ONE AND ONLY CHANCE. every time I asked her to hang out or Communicate Please was a chance.

we were both good at avoiding, but she was even better.

and REALLY? you couldnt send an email like One Month later, after she had Cooled Off, saying sorry about this?

Avoiding Something Forever is NOT the same as a Cooling Off Period.

besides, a cooling off period is usually only a few days. I can’t imagine a true cooling off period lasting a damn month. at that point, its a damn BREAK, and things are not looking hopeful.

but how about you let me know if you want a break also? not just say of course we’ll hang out soon. that is not what you say when you want a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

anyway if a woman is openly pro-abortion and not ashamed of her abortion……stay away from that woman. that type of woman is NOT a good influence on your life. you can find better people than those losers, hahahahaha.

i just hate her thinking im a loser who she wants to cut out of her life, while she was a winner who i wanted to stay in my life.

my other friends dont try to shun me from THEIR lives!!! and its not like THEY are huge losers, and the only people that don’t shun me are themselves huge losers! so that is reassuring.

google how does quicken loans scam people hahaha.

so that would be a loan originator. then i wonder if they sell the loans to other companies for Servicing. Probably yes. see I just dont understand this. when do you stop “contracting out” service? why dont the servicers just sell it to another servicer? where does it end? why cant a company just service ITS OWN PRODUCTS? wouldnt they be in the best position to do so? they designed the product!

or probably they hired a damn consultant to design the products. doesnt even work for the company.

so what is the company? just a bunch of managers who hire 90000 other companies to do everythign for them.

see this makes no sense and they dont teach any of this in school. or college. i guess econ was the only thing that came close, in its story about making a pencil. economies of scale. its CHEAPER to have suppliers who all make one part of the pencil. so, same principle here. you just have seperate servicers for every product, every part of every product.

yet we could never find a person who knew enough about how our software interacted with a 3rd party piece of software. there was 1 person in the company who knew and he was on vacation, or he didnt have a phone. one does not simply CALL someone THAT high up!

and its not like these are C level executives. they might “just” be senior systems analysts or something. shit. still too important to get them on the phone.

it would be fine if you could say, oh, your problem is in xyz, let me transfer you to the xyz expert. because there wasn’t any xyz experts. everybody knew nothing about everything when you were expected to know everything about everything.

I like knowing everything about everything……but sometimes it does get to be too much.

at my previous job I prided myself on knowing everything about eveything, and others appreciated it too.

at my stupid job, I couldn’t possibly know everything about everything. there was no way to find out everything. there was too much hidden secret stuff. there was too much stuff in general.  you could make 1000 new flashcards a day and it still wouldnt help.

but because shit was so hard to FIND, it really WAS better to try to memorize everything. because you’re essentially just memorizing Where To Find it anyway, so you might as well memorize the thing you need to know. you dont just search the shit in google and find the right thing quickly.

you mean there is NO ONE in the WHOLE COMPANY who knows how this program works?

that’s what I’m telling you. yeah, it doesn’t make sense. Nope, we’re not third party contractors making 9 bucks an hour. we are full employees. your in-house help desk. not only do we not know how to fix this, we don’t know who CAN fix this. yes we are a very large very well known company that EVERYBODY has heard of, and this is frankly kind of embarrassing and it happens way too often for a company of this reputation.

i just wasnt good at handling these situations. maybe with some coaching or mentorship or leadership I could have gotten better. someone could have taught me that yeah that is actually the nature of this job, it is actually very counterintuitive, counter common sense, and you wont believe the level of incompetence and disorganization you see……but dont get frustrated, because thats perfect normal. here’s what to say to the person. tell them its NORMAL, tell them you get strange stuff all the time, and we fix it all of the time, we just need some time to Diagnose, so I will call you back in an hour. just let us look at this computer, don’t kick us off, we will probably be rebooting it a couple times, and you’ll see weird shit on the screen.

 

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