may 2

i mean its not like i was some obsessed weirdo just because she was the first woman to be nice to me in 3 years. besides when unattractive women are nice to me i dont fall in luv with THEM hahahahahaha.

its that we REALLY got along, we would hang out, we were actual friends, and I dont want her to FORGET that. and blame everything on me being a “Thirsty Weirdo”. NO WAY. There was a time where I was LIterally Important to you too baby. missy. ya god damn stupid broad. I was important to you too.  or have you forgotten. probably. don’t even try to DENY it. i guess you can forget it like you forget everything else, but dont DENY it.

heh i actually ordered a stick of RAM for muh computer off amazon with muh gift card that I earned from doing a market research study hahaha. just give me cash hahaha. give me a prepaid visa card, i dont care. i guess i could have gotten the whole balance Disbursed (15 DAH word that SHE doesnt know HA!!!) into a Walmart gift card instead. i got 50$ put into a walmart card and gave that to muh fam as payment for me being a huge bum wawawawawaa.

anyway this ram will double the amount of memory if it works. and it will permadestroy muh computer if it doesnt hahaha.

ok how about this proposal:

when you want to get out of a rel and the other person doesnt, ask them what would be the best way for it to end. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, TO MAKE THIS EASIER ON YOU.  and then try to Honor those wishes as best as possible, within reason, so that the person being dumped can say, yeah, they made an honest effort at making this as painless on me as possible, and acted like a mature, reasonable adult.

THATS what people should do.

Heh. I would have taken her to a SHRINK JUST to help her END IT better. ok shrink, i cant make her want to stay in this, but at least shrink please help her to end this better. tell her about collins gillath 2012 and how to put that into practice. why it might interest you to have the person you dumped not hate you. why it might interest you to not break someones heart so bad.

maybe it was her punishment for me for “TORTURING” her for months, by BUGGING her PUSHILY to hang out.

it could be…..I’ll never know!!!!!!

however I wish there were more pictures taken with us so she would have a harder time forgetting it all. and she would be forced to delete those pictures, OR acknowledge that we had something Special.

welp i could have been working at the call center for 4 hours already hahahaha getting PAID. not even taking calls but getting TRAINED on the LEADING EMR software, training which costs THOUSANDS of dollars!!!!

and i would have had a CHANCE to PROVE to myself that I was as GOOD as HER in the competition of LIFE!!!!!!

oh boy not this again!

but yeah i do hate the way she dumped me especially because of that, because it was like saying “I totally DESTROY you in the competition of life. I am Sexier and more desireable than you, i am smarter and better worker than you, i make more money than you, i am a more valuable important person than you, you huge loser.”

and I would worry about that stuff ANYWAY, but this time it was worst of all because of the way she handled it. like really rubbing it in my face hahaha.

just a forgettable d1ck playing another forgettable round in the life creation process, creating another forgettable life, have to do another forgettable murder, did you hear Your Child scream as the j00ish abortionist chopped it up and sucked it out of you, then you just move on to the next forgettable guy and repeat the whole forgettable life creation and murder process. this is how Casually Evil Women are hahahahahaha.

ok that is a wild exageration and it would be wise not to truly believe that abotu all women….or else you will become a REAL woman hater.

hey i dont hate all women. i could care less about most women. i just dont like being Wronged by women that I trusted and had a Real Relationship with. not even normies like that. so its normie of me not to like it.

even when i was comfortable and normie with her, i was still weird and nervous and weirdo and awkward and uncool around other women. it takes a long time and a very special rel to be that comfortable and normie around a woman for me.

i just wanted her to accept her share of responsibility in the relship. it TAKES TWO to make it and she was no longer willing to do that. at least be AWARE of that and say hey listen, I don’t want to have this RESPONSIBILITY any more, and Im SORRY to LET YOU DOWN and DISAPPOINT you. not this well of COURSE i dont have ANY responsibility here bullshit. how can you be so immature and still be an adult who destroys me in the Competition of Life?

at my easy job i used to work with this really cute girl who was very happy and bubbly and positive and nice and smiling and also very cute. i maybe would have tried dating her (hahahaha) if the whole time she wasnt going out with this guy. he was so far beneath her league i couldnt believe they were dating. she was super young and cute, he was nothing special, not tall, not strong. his only strength was that I guess he was a good guitar player and he looked like some shaggy classic rock guy, with long hair and a scruffy beard. i thought good for her for giving this guy a chance, and good for him to pull such a ridiculously cute gurl. she got a bachelors degree in Health Care Administration and started a career in that right away and now makes much more money than I ever will. She has got to be about 7 or 8 or 9 years younger than me. He worked in a factory or warehouse and probably still does but maybe he got promoted to supervisor. good for him. point is they got MARRIED and are still together. So I think that is a good thing. for a Career Gurl she was married by 24 or 25, which is YOUNG for a career gurl. It’s possible she never even took a lot of cox. So this scruffy uneducated slob pulled a smart, cute, young, nice, low-number gurl. However he was certainly more confident and more chill than me. But I would be more confident and chill with a real qt like that giving her loyalty and luv to me!

ultimately its a good thing and i hope they stay married and have some damn kids. they were both white but he was pretty……italian looking. but still technically white. just honestly very italian. so yeah they could still have some perfectly legit white children….and they SHOULD. she works in like Benefits Administration with a bunch of other young cute gurls with Bachelors Degrees in Health Admin or Marketing or HR or Business.

why didnt i just get a degree in BUSINESS. I too could have been making 16 DAH at age 22. been a damn manager by now making 25DAH.

Anyway she should quit her career with those sorority sluts and focus on the family hahahahaha. you cant get that many young career women together and not have it have a deleterious effect on the womens relationships with their men. if she leaves her man for a more alpha business man, I would be VERY disappointed in her. i want them to STAY married forever. or maybe she can leave him for me hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

no I would want to make sure that she dumped him in an ethical way, and that she was ready to Date again, AND that she hadnt fooked a bunch of guys in between. really tall order!

i mean her leaving him would not reflect well on HER. unless he was an abusive italian brute hahahaha. but i got the impression he was not the supplicating type and could probably Maintain FRAME. but like I say, he was not tall or strong or super handsome really. he looked like a member of the grateful dead or allman brothers or something.

but FRAME and CONFIDENCE is the MOST important thing.

ok took my Clerical Test. this is the actual computer test I got invited to because I sore 91% on the retarded 100 question multiple choice 2 hour exam hahahaha for the 13 DAH part time job. no actually this test was for the 37 k a year job, wow, waddya mean no city employee wanted that job.

i took a 3 minute typing test and got 69 wpm.  i will put this on my resume as 70 hahahaha. i know 70 is minimum for a lot of 10 DAH data entry jobs. the city job only wanted 40 wpm hahaha.

then there was an excel problem, a word problem, and writing a letter to a complaining person problem.

I used SUM and AVERAGE and created a Chart in the excel thing. I can use excel even VLOOKUPS hahaha but its hard for me to create a thing and have it look nice right away. it takes a few days of working with the sheet to tidy it up.

also the word thing, they said here copy this page. which included horizontal lines and weird styling and justified alignment and columns and insert shapes and styles and themes and shit.

then a question where I write a letter to a person complaining that the liberry fines is too damn high. so i said thank you for your concern, you’re right, some people do think they are too high, but unforutnately we had to increase the fines to meet out fiscal year budget. please visit the liberry to see your fines and tax dollars at work, with these excellent pogamz, such as immigrant ficki ficki raep appreciation pogams, and iphone ebooks about bondage billionaires and other important literature to enrich our dignified community.

i also said you can call me dear resident. I wonder if that is good or bad. becuase then you tie up resources on a squeaky wheel problem customer who will always find something to complain about.

imho the best way is to have the ceo say get the fook out of here, we dont need your business, asshole, youre wasting all our time and money. youre banned, bye bye. and there’s no one higher than me you can appeal to.

they should teach like 4 classes in high school on ALL the ins and outs of what to do in these tricky situations. and not just see a manager. but what the MANAGER would do, or what YOU would do if the manager doesnt WANT to deal with it, and tells YOU to deal with it.

anyway. im just saying. if there were crimes of the heart this would be one. she would be CONVICTED and SENTENCED due to the Incontrovertible Evidence that she committed a CRIME, did a BAD thing, and you just cant pretend its NOT a good thing. Oh thats ok that I killed him, he was being annoying. being annoying isnt a CRIME! well neither is abandoning, but I think its way more of a crime than being annoying!


is it MY JOB to make her understand that?

do I want to be with someone who doesn’t understand that?

I think she DOES understand it, shes just not motivated to act that way with ME.

because I’m not cool enough?

because she doesnt have any feelings for ME?

because it would be awkward as fook for her?

it just hurts me a lot. because I wasnt just some random guy and she just wasnt some random bitch. i knew her for 2.7 years and our friendship slowly got stronger and better and deeper until I fell in luv and then she closed off and then boom this is how it ends.

not a bang or a whimper or anything, just total silence.

just tell me i didnt deserve that! jsut tell me sorry for this pain. acknowledge! listen! hear!

ok i have made myself completely public on linkedin. this means i must not look at HER profile because then she will see it.  i have installed an extension that lets me block sites but linkedin urls are so fooked up, you get like a different session key thus different url every time so I had to use some wildcard shit which hopefully it works and I dont want to keep going to her page to find out.

also the cute gurls i worked with 4 years ago hahahahaha dont need them to know i am looking at them .

hopefully when she is 35 and miserable she looks back at this and is ASHAMED of what she did hahahaha.

yeah well my email address is on my linkedin page and on my indeed resume. anyone who knows my name can find my email address and contact me.

I just got dealt JJ on two hands in a row. first one i just about doubled up the starting stack. NOICE. second one, got folded to after a small raise.

and now i put it on my twitter page. i have maintained a twitter page of my real name since 2011 in the hopes of getting a grown up job hahahahaha.

in other words i hope she finds me on google and then finds my email address and then apologizes to me and says im sooooo sorrrrry i made a horrible mistake, now lets get together and i will luv u forever.

i am watching call the midwife i think is the name of this ridiculous english show and one woman is saying to a young mother, DONT ABANDON HER (your baby) BECAUSE YOU WERE ABANDONED! basically be the better person and break this horrible cycle of abandonment haha.

she just abandoned me because she had been abandoned and shit on too much. it was time for her to try doing it to someone else to see what it was like. to blow off some steam. to do this TO someone. and i was honestly the PERFECT candidate for abandonment. yep. it gives her some control, where when she was abandoned, she was at the “mercy” and control of others, and had no control herself.