A LITTLE EFFORT IS A LOT BETTER THAN NO EFFORT

april 30

happy halloween, now dont get drunk and have degenerate casual sex with some guy youve known for less than two months hahaha. but thats ok cuz you make a LOT more money than me haha.

you can cope with the stresses of real life and be compensated generously for it. so that makes you better than me hahahaha.

i hate that this success, winner, making more money, better than me, toughness, coping with a tough job component is so tied up with this woman situation. hahaha this is what happens when you work with the woman in a stressful job. all the other women who dumped me and we way more successful than me, well i never worked with them.

and directly failed at the same job that they directly succeeded in.

so yeah i feel like I have been beaten in the contest of life. given the same job, same environment, she succeeded and I failed. DAMN. they dont have a book that teaches you how to deal with that. its humiliating.

HUMILIATING!!!!!!

she wouldnt think twice about taking the good paying job i turned down! she would say yeah call center sucks but I CAN HANDLE IT and thats great money. So ill do it for a while, make some good money.

she doesnt panic and lose confidence and say OH GOD I WONT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THIS!!!!!!!

and I hate her being STRONGER than me like that!!!!!

how can you ever hope to get a woman when they are STRONGER THAN YOU?

i would have been happier if she really STRUGGLED with the job and HATED it and WORRIED about it, like I did. but instead she was like it doesnt really bother me that much any more, I can tolerate it. I felt it was a way of her Asserting Dominance and Superiority over me. even if it really wasnt.

it is like we stopped being on the same team. and she was becoming my antagonistic, hostile master, who wanted to force me out.

i was willing to support her with her struggles. she was not willing to support me with my struggles.

and i thought she would be. she was so nice and caring to me when i wasnt struggling. when i didnt like her, hahaha.

i guess i could have PROVED myself if I took this new call center job.

but it was a bigass gamble. i mean the company seemed really Fishy and they were TOO eager to get me in there. seemed almost too good to be true. They claim they are trying to change the culture for the better….but many reviews say the culture has been changing for the worse in the 2 years since the new owner took over. they are firing people like crazy, and people are quitting like crazy.

but 50 out of 60 people placed by the staffing agency are still there!!!!

yeah I COULD have proven myself….or I could have just gone crazy again.

with her by my side to cuddle and say nice things to me, i probably would have been confident and tough enough to handle it. the way I felt abotu her, i gave her the power to build me up. as well as break me down hahaha. i gave her the key to muh heart hahahaha.

unfortunately many women have a really WEAK LOCK on their Life-Creator, and they don’t really have much of a heart period. or they have such a strong long on their heart that no man can unlock it. but god damn can just about any tough guy get inside their Cheap Life Creator.

the lock on your Life Creator should be just as strong as the lock on your HEART!

it sucks when you WANT to be Accountable at your job….but the people above you are not accountable, and they push you to do so much, that you have to sacrifice your accountability by cutting corners and passing the buck! and you really hate doing this because you know its dishonest and shameful and unfair and just plain wrong, and if it were up to you, your company would be held accountable to fixing the things you’d THINK it was their JOB to fix!

this is why I am very leery of Managed Service Providers and Call Centers.

its SERVICE THEATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and the grunts tasked with being the dancing puppets there…..well naturally they are miserable and….

unless they are HER, then they find a way to have a sense of humor abotu it. usually by buying into the culture of unaccountability and saying, NOT MY PROBLEM, IDIOT CUSTOMER. You’re the IDIOT for thinking we can FIX this. next idiot.

I never took that attitude because I felt the majority of the callers WERE reasonable and good faith and not unreasonable idiots. they just wanted shit fixed that really shouldnt be breaking so much. they were just asking for their damn systems to WORK. how is that unreasonable?

sure some callers were dickheads but only a minority. i was angry that she wasnt angry at the higher ups lack of acountability like i was. do you think that is the right thing to do? do you approve of their behavior? dont you want to figure the peoples problems out? or you just listen to music and say sorry cant be fixed. sorry nothing we can do just deal with it.

besides when you are doing livechat, you get the more passive people, and its easier to make them roll over. the people who want something fixed urgently will CALL in not chat. and I dealt with calls exclusively. she dealt with chats exclusively. so in a way i felt like we did have two different jobs, and she had the easier job, and I resented that, right or wrong.

now, chats probably WERE harder than I thought they were. I will grant her that.

but I think it was easier to pass the buck and say “sorry cant fix it” to some milquetoast on chat. where if you told a CALLER that, they would be stubborn and want to speak to a supervisor. which is always a recipe for disaster.

shit should be FIXED so there is no need to speak to a supervisor……and if there is, there should be level 2s available to take the call. they should say, okay transfer that to the level 2 phone line now please. and not fight you tooth and nail over that.  it took me 6 months to even FIND OUT abotu the level 2 phone line, because shit like that was kept SECRET.  maybe if you were a pretty girl they would tell you more secrets.

on chat, it was easier to avoid a problem and hope it went away, without you dealing with it hahahahahaha. out of sight, out of mind! you see what i am getting at here.

when you see a woman acting like a whore, really you have to blame their FATHER. what kind of father lets their daughter grow up to be a piece of meat? just an ass to be POUNDED? wouldnt you take ACTION to make sure your daughter doesnt turn into a piece of degenerate, degraded buttslut filth pig? thats YOUR little princess!

an exception is when a bitch mother alienates a decent father from the childrens lives so the father never gets a chance to keep his daughter from becoming a whore. but I imagine at least half of whores fathers are just plain old deadbeat losers who just dont care.

dont hate the sluts! hate their fathers!

this will help you become less woman hating hahahahaha.

when you hold yourself accountable, you want to make other people be accountable too. especially when people are calling YOU to fix the shoddy work THEY did, and you can’t figure it out. and the other person is hiding, wont respond to your Chats, and you have to get damn permission to transfer a call to anyone. this is ridiculous. ideally I would just call them up, leave a damn voice mail, and then its on THEM, as it should be. that’s not me passing the buck, that’s me transferring a caller to someone who was working on their case who is probably better equipped and authorized to fix their problem than me. I shouldnt have to argue with them to take a second look at something that clearly doesnt work, that they clearly didnt fix. well prove to me i didnt fix it. becuase the caller says the shit is still happened. whats happening. whats the error code. ok thats different. you try to fix that. different issue then. if you cant fix it get it escalated. not my problem anymore. i fixed the issue that was escalated to me. i’m done here. i have other cases to work on.

and we had an honestly Good Team of Good People. we had actually good managers. decent level 2’s and level 3’s. there was good teamwork in our office. the problem was the faceless people in the other offices. when we got called on THEIR work. and also the highest upper management. they sucked. and they applied all the pressure from above and eventually got the place shut down and now 50 people are out of jobs.

how did she handle it so much better? how was she so much stronger than me?

because she smoked a lot of MJ? MJ DOES kinda help with the job. to clear your mind and help you SLEEP. helps you survive each day.

because she wasnt in luv with somebody on the job who was breaking her heart? yeah that had a big part to do with it all!

because she had an easier job and could just tell people to go away nothing we can do and they would just slink off? yeah that too.

maybe this was why she was so good at ignoring Our Problems and not being willing to Deal With Them. her whole job was ignoring problems and not dealing with them and avoiding accountability.

but was it really? was she really that bad? everybody liked her and she probably even got employee of the month. maybe. i dont know that. i really wanted employee of the month, and i had a chance at getting it finally if i had just toughed it out. damn.

maybe she wasnt as shitty of a worker as I paint her, but I was definitely a better worker than her. I was very accountable. Busted my ass to actually solve problems really. busted my ass to learn shit in and out when that was not an easy task because of all the conflicting and secret information. made personal sacrifices to try to get better at my job.

and i was the big loser and she was the big winner.

even if they are closing the shit and she is permanently losing her job.

her confidence is WAYYYYYY higher than mine and I am jealous of that.

confidence is SO important and i hate having none. and her dumping me and having a TON. and besting me at the job. and me freaking out about working in another call center while to her its no big deal. she doesnt freak out. she doesnt feel guilt for breaking peoples hearts and for not being accountable hahaha.

yeah well its GOOD to feel guilt for doing bad things! you know who doesnt? SOCIOPATHS!

but shes clearly NOT a sociopath. shes a good person who just didnt have courage to do one good thing. I might have done the same thing.

well no i wouldnt. I would have written an email at least hahahaha.

how could you have NOTHING TO SAY about all this?

I am offended and hurt by even just that. I have SO MUCH TO SAY about it all. It’s all i can talk or think about for 10 months. I have written 1000000000000000000000000 pages on it. she was right there in the “relationship” with me for 2.7 years and doesnt have ONE GOD DAMN WORD to say about it.

i had a SHITLOAD of things to say because it was IMPORTANT to me. she had NOTHING to say because it was…..not important to her? but i know it WAS at least a LITTLE important to her.

that bothered me too. i knew it was somewhat important to her but she STILL didnt say anything.

here’s a good thing to say:

“Sorry, we don’t have any record of that. it is what it is.”

thats a better way of saying “we dont know, no one knows, and there’s no way to find out, or we’re not willing to spend the time and the money TO find out, because you are just a nobody with an insignificant issue. who cares. no one cares.”

also,

“sorry, we don’t have any timeframe on that. they will call you back / deliver the shit within 48 hours. it is what it is.”

“my supervisor is out of the office today. I can have them call you back within 48 hours. that’s the best we can do. it is what it is.”

and then don’t have the sup call them back, because they wont, and hope the person lets it slide, cuz they rightfully concluded there was nothing anyone could do.

basically everyone is forced to act like no account, r-selected, quantity not quality n1993rs. this is very hard for a proud white man.  whites are the most K-selected race there is, and I am a VERY K-selected white! I dont give a DAMN about quantity! and I hate fast paced shit. I would rather take MORE time to do a better job. But they wont let you stay unpaid because other people’s work depends on YOUR work. you gotta work fast to keep pace with the rest of the TEAM who is moving fast as shit.

And you just can’t say I’ll stay an extra hour unpaid every day if you just let me go a little slower! 90 minutes extra! 2 hours extra! every day! unpaid!

well youre salary so youre expected to work 50 hours a week STANDARD. and NOT SLOWLY. not doing 40 hours of normies work in your slow turtle 50 hours. fook you hit the bricks deadbeat.

and SHE can handle all this, and I cant!!!! that makes me even more bitter and angry against her hahaha. maybe THATS why she dumped me. because I couldnt handle life and I was weaker than her.

Yeah well I couldnt handle life with the other women and they were nicer when they dumped me!!!!! those fookin sluts who took 10000 cox were NICER To me!

heres a good life pro tip: get a spring/fall type light jacket that is NOT a Hoodie. Of course we all like to Wear Hoodies and it’s ok to have one and wear it sometimes, but it also looks very unprofessional, n1993rish, and neetish. just get a damn fleece jacket or something light WITHOUT A HOOD and it looks a lot better to the Powerful Women and Men who make 15 DAH. then they might invite you into their cool kids club one day.

SLUT! YA FOOKIN HOOWA! YOUR CVNT!!!

(type o negative reference again, hahaha.)

maybe i do have bipolar. cuz when i get stressed and panicked I get racing thoughts and dont think straight and think i am going crazy. its SCARY.

therefore, I should try taking lithium and see if it makes me better or worse hahaha.

unless lithium is like 50 dollars a month. no thank you! only 5 dollar a month prescriptions for me!

I thought I meant more to you!!! I KNOW I meant more to you than THIS!!!!!!!

hahahaha. yeah I bet it IS easier to get over somebody when you have a SELECTION of OTHER attractive young suitors. Like if I had 2 or 3 good looking 25 year old women being nice to me and wanting to get my attention and wanting to hang out with me……i would hang out with them and i would see how OTHER women can be nice and attractive too, and SHE wasnt so god damn SPECIAL, and that I will find ANOTHER woman and get over HER very effectively and efficiently.

Like she has a bunch of young men showering her with attention and interest. She has forgotten all about me. I was just another dork showering her with interest and attention. nothing special there.

i can understand rejecting a persons luv interest. but to harshly abandon/ DESERT somebody, thats never called for. unless you are abusing them and they need to ESCAPE from your evil. maybe I was abusing her mentally and emotionally with my passive aggressive manipulation hahaha.

I’ll never know!!!!!!

But I do wonder if she will respond to our mutual friend ever, and what she will say to that mutual friend if the mutual friend mentions My Side of the Story.

basically I want the mutual friend to side with ME and not with HER hahahahaha.

i was watching doc martin and he was having trouble with his wife who up and left him. he went nuts and finally she came back. he started going to a Shrink to work on himself and on the relationship. the shrink recommended doing a session with both of them. the Doc agreed and tried to persuade his wife, but she basically said, no, not right now, I think you need to solve your own issues first, I dont need to go.

which was very bitchy and dumb of her to basically give up on the relationship like that and say its all HIS fault, I’m not willing to go to the shrink because HE’s the one with the problem, not me.

So I kinda felt like that. i mean I felt like the doc, and she was like his wife, who was like NOPE NOT MY PROBLEM.  HE’S gotta do all the work.

but at least they still talked to each other and remained married. and she eventually went. within like 2 episodes. and they began doing what the shrink said. like hugging each other and saying 3 nice things about each other. every day. wow I wish my female friend could have done that hahahaha. even hugging her was asking too much. but boy she likes being fooked by cool guys she just met! (no proof but many/most/average women do. you dont know if this guy is a serial killer, yet you will play the life creation game with him. if you create a new life, no problem, you can just murder it, and dump the guy, and find a new guy to play the life creation game with. maybe spread some disease but dont let anyone tell you that’s shameful because its not, its all about you, and everything you want is ok and good.)

bitter much? U ASSMAD? yes i am hahahaha.

birth control and abortion have made both men and women ignorant of the value of human life, and this is very sad for women, because they have a much bigger responsibility in the creation of human life. do they care? no. just fook and abort and throw unborn children and full grown men away, find another man to create unborn children to murder. fooking EVIL shit. hell on earth. it is THE ENEMY who is behind this EVIL.

no problem, just smoke MJ and forget it all.

no need to be truly repentant for the people you’ve hurt. just FORGET about it! its in the PAST! if you hurt someone again in the future, you can just forget about that too! Get over it! That’s what getting over stuff is! you just forget it ever happened, learn nothing from it, and never feel guilt or shame, becuase you can do no wrong, and even if you could, you’d have a damn good reason, and it would all be ok. you should never feel bad for the things youve done.

youre a woman, women are below men in the power kyriarchy, men have punched down on women long enough, so its JUSTICE when a woman punches UP against a man.

heh i wish i had gotten closer with her family, her mother, so I could really “USE” the mother to go to bat for me. not use use her, but “leverage” her to talk some SENSE into her daughter. the mother was on the path to liking me. but i just hadnt had enough quality time with the mother to get the mother all the way on my side.

well its not about TAKING SIDES.

i agree, it SHOULDNT be. if she had made ANY effort, it wouldnt be such a HOSTILE situation, it would be much less about taking sides.

well her idiocy and weakness and selfishness and disappointingness is finite, but GODS luv and mercy and goodness is INFINITE.

you dont need a mother or father or anyone to tell you that this is not the right way to end a relationship. anyone with any sense at all knows that. i think she had enough sense to know that, she just didnt have the courage. the will. the STRENGTH. she didnt have the strength to do that but she was stronger than me at the job and in most other areas of life. DAMN.

even though doc martins wife is a huge stubborn in the wrong bitch, she STILL makes SOME sort of effort to spend time with him and not abandon him completely hahaha. this is no doubt giving him some sort of hope. just her being around. as uncooperative and bitchy and wrong as she is.

i like how there is the gang of hawt mean gurls in the town who all make fun of doc martin and call him a pervert and a tosser and they dress like sluts and act like total cvnts. even though hes not a pervert at all, just an autist.

 

 

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