HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE AND THE PROCESS THAT CREATES IT

april 27

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/blocked.-no-break-up-no-closure.-silent-treatment.-stonewalling.-853786.html

http://archive.is/Jf0pc

because this site has ….. in its URLS which is NOT a best practice, they should talk to a center of excellence. how do you get hired if you dont KNOW best practices?

well they cant check everything. weve got metrics and deadlines, we cant check everything on all of our candidates. still a god damn computer science grad should know better. i dont think they are hiring shaneequa jankins to build this website. well, maybe they actually ARE. like i say, the incompetence and shoddiness of Business and the Work people do is SHAMEFUL. and frustrating. and mind boggling.

april 28

going to take drug test, i took small #1 and only expelled a portion but hopefully not too much. this shit is so stupid.

like i say its shameful you cant trust the companies you pay for service, to give you good service.

how is this anything new or shocking? its not, but it sucks when its your job to give that service. the customers are rightfully angry, you are flustered and angry, because you want to help them, but you cant figure out how, and your company is very unwilling to give help or permission because you found a way to pull a GOTCHA on the customer. you signed the contract goy.

and telling you work faster. i dont know HOW, but figure out a way to work faster. streamline your workflow. talk to other people on your level. trim the fat. cut corners.

well when i

ok took the drug test, they were very nice and professional and didnt seem to hate their lives or jobs. they probably had husbands and children. the cup i urinated in was very fancy and looks like it cost the US taxpayers a lot of money hahahaha.

I wrote my resignation / quitting / giving up email to the recruiter saying nope sorry cant start at the call center on monday, but as a sign of good will and i’d like to work with you in the future, here’s some inside information on whats going on at my old employer, and heres a list of 30 fooking names of people there, who could very well be interested. Gave them names, linkedins, and some personal emails too. I said PLEASE keep me anonymous/confidential. also said the managers might want to help but might have their hands tied. the Big Boss will very likely be of no help. so maybe try talking to a level 1 and see if they can give you any more names and contacts.

assuming what other peoples jobs will entail because nobody knows how to do their jobs, and I have to know Everything About Everything,

YOU HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I googled to see if there was any business news about layoffs at the company, and found a facebook page visited by people who work there. a bunch of familiar names. everyone was joking around with each other and trying to be funny. including That Woman. Her profile picture was not discernable. it was fuzzy and blurry and dark and couldnt see her face thank god. and of course i could not click on it. I was not signed into facebook, i have been deactivated for 9 months, remember hahahaha.

still i was not happy to see her Handling Everything Well, laughing and joking.

I was angry and jealous that she was able to WITHSTAND and SURVIVE and the job did not bother her as much, and because of this faces a promising career in help desk bullshit. when I cant even stomach the idea of going to another call center and doing another stupid tech support case. she is strong and i am weak. i was jealous of her for that. why couldnt she help me and give me some of that strength to carry on.

so yeah she will have no problem getting a new job, and would probably not think twice about going to this new call center. she would say yeah it sucks but gotta pay dem bills and go to work. just suck it up and do it. whereas I go crazy and think oh god its gonna push me to my breaking point and im not gonna be able to HANDLE IT!!!!! because that has happened before.

fook its happened to her before. I just wish it happened to her here. or recently hahahaha.

But yeah I included her name and email in my list of people to the recruiter.

and after crafting this email with 30 names, hand picked linkedin links, emails, lots of in depth analysis and thought, i say this is probably confidential, and she replies with a 1 sentence thing saying they already know about this, its not confidential, sorry you can’t make it, please feel free to give us referrals.

I JUST GAVE YOU 30 NAMES!!!!!!!

I met the woman in person and she was nice but I think she is just an idiot on email.

So I sent the email as well to the younger, probably more email savvy recruiter.

so what if you already know about this? who’s on your list of names? I guarantee I got you some new personal email addresses. a thank you would be nice hahaha.

cuz its very possible word has gotten out and the people here know about the recruiter and the recruiter has been talking to them……but its equally possibly that no. people are just keeping stuff like this secret. it was kind of a secret keeping place. and cliques and such. I gave them names that covered ALL cliques. even people I didnt particularly like. people that might be fooking That Woman hahahaha. because nobody there deserves to be DOWNSIZED.

watch they contact HER and tell her I gave them her email hahahahaha. when I blatantly said PLEASE keep me ANONYMOUS.

heh. i just hate thinking of her moving forward with life and me staying STUCK just like i have been STUCK for 12 years hahaha.

and that I was just dead weight and toxic to her, that her life was better with out me.

we all have Toxic People who are best to cut out of our lives. Bad influences that drag you down. you’re better off without them. Or we have at least known people like that at some point in our lives.

its TERRIBLE for your confidence and self esteem, when YOU are one of those people for someone else!

when THEY are a very positive influence in YOUR life, and you are a very NEGATIVE influence on THEIR life!!!!!

and you’re stuck on them, and stuck in life, and they move upward and onward in life! and they cant help you nor do they want to help you. I imagine seeing her again in 5 years and she is making 100 grand a year and i am making 10 grand a year and she is like oh how sad, welp have a good life loser! sorry not sorry! thats what you get for making bad decisions and being a weakling who cant handle work! maybe if you werent such a cowardly pussy!

hahaha well YOURE the one who was cowardly to ME and YOURE the one who fooks deadbeats you fookin whore hahahaha. in an ideal world, I would be making 100 k a year because you cant even spell YOURE right and youre a horrible problem solver in Technology, how the hell did you get promoted to manager.

well im done with all that. i sent them a bunch of names and emails and linkedins, including HERS.

then in 10 years she will look back and remember me as a pathetic sad loser who couldnt cope with life and she is done hanging out with losers, he was an ok guy but DAMN was he a SAD LOSER, sorry not sorry, I just dont need that, i’m a successful winner, dont let anyone bring me down.

rather than remembering me as a good person who was once her good friend and we got along really really well.

which is how I will remember her. damn. a good person and we got along really well and it was really SAD how it all ENDED.

and now she is coping with the place closing very well, very mature, having a positive attitude, joking around with all the coworkers she gets along very well with. i think about how she is doing all the time, and she never thinks about how I am doing hahaha.

i think it upset me just to go to that facebook page which was kind of set up as an unofficial place for employees to bitch about the company, quite rightfully. MIGHT NOT be the best idea to put your name out there so that anyone can see it though! also it wasnt super in depth. there was like less than 5 posts and nothing too harsh or emotional. just people making light jokes like they weren’t losing their jobs.

and i was upset just to see HER NAME there, evidence of her making one insubstantial remark on this page, like you are the best team ever!! smiley.  and i would see her name, her talking, her picture of some dark blurry blob and thank god not her face, and I would get angry that she was still working there, she was doing fine, she was handling adversity well, she was friends with her Team Members, and she doesnt give a FOOK about me, her once good friend that she just walked away from without a word. And that I still cared about her and she couldnt care about me LESS.

I can look at other people’s names that work there, but just seeing her NAME as posting on facebook was very TRIGGERING for me and I wish I hadn’t even seen her NAME. evidence of her out there in april 2016, interacting and socializing and coping and surviving and carrying on like a fookin normie, struggling and winning rather than struggling and LOSING.

EVERYBODY struggles. just some people win that struggle and others lose. bit by bit. you have wins and losses. and at some point one starts to outweigh the other.

basically it is just too much to see evidence of her existing post our big falling out. I still want her. I dont want her enjoying life without me. I want her to be upset about me. In the sense that something of value was lost. I want to MATTER to her even just a LITTLE bit. I want her to think of me like I still think of her.

its gotten better though thank god, after fookin 9.6 months, but seeing her name on facebook is still enough to trigger me.

i wrote a hugeass reply on despairforums, coming back from hiatus there:

http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/topic/112371-30-and-hopelessly-alone/?do=findComment&comment=1280052

QUOTE

Thanks for the update. I have been on hiatus from the forums unfortunately.  I can relate to that feeling, I have long felt alienated and an outsider and a misanthrope etc. Like in Dostoyevesky’s “Notes From Underground,” the famous narrator, “I am a sick man, I am a spiteful man…” etc, haha.  But I also feel like the world is more “sick” than I am, we live in a fallen world and people are no good, etc. Yeah it’s pretty rough!

When I was at my best, I still had pretty extreme and unpopular beliefs, but I also got along with everybody pretty well, was friendly to people and they were friendly to me, and I thought it was kind of funny that they had no idea that I had some pretty far-out political and moral beliefs.  Also, I think that our “far-out” beliefs do have a good kernel of basic common sense to them that nobody would really think is weird, for example: Men and women are different. Different cultures are different. Try to do no harm to others. Try to be an honest, decent person. Treat others as you want to be treated. Try to do the right thing. Don’t be a d1ck to people. Show respect for yourself and others. Don’t lie, cheat, or steal. Don’t use people like objects. Realize that it’s great to be rational and logical, but unfortunately people are irrational quite a lot of the time.  Just very basic, simple, obvious common-sense lessons any reasonable person would agree with. So I try to find common ground with people on things like that.

Unfortunately it can be hard to do that if you are not very social, or have a bad work situation, which unfortunately are not uncommon situations for us despairing introverts, haha. I think if I were working an average job with average people, things would be a lot better. I could enjoy holding my “extreme” beliefs, and also enjoy not feeling like a total outsider, stranger, alien, weirdo, etc. But having an average job with average people is, again, a very tall order. I have not been working for months and that has certainly affected own self-respect and confidence in my ability to do just about anything: talk to people, figure out problems, “act normal”.

I don’t have any advice and I would hate being given unsolicited advice! I am just sharing my experience. I have held pretty unpopular beliefs for a while, and have been at personal high points and low points regardless of those beliefs. At the low points I felt my beliefs were really extreme and alienated me from other people. At the high points I was able to have a better perspective on it all, and find some basic, but important common ground with people, in terms of those Basic Life Lessons I mentioned above. Then I might use our mutual agreement on those issues to start carefully discussing things that might not be so popular. This is what I mean by “hiding your power level.”

Also it can be discouraging to view your own beliefs as being “anti-everything”…..even if that’s kind of what they are. For example, like you I am very anti-SJW, anti-feminism, anti-PC, all that stuff. That’s all fine and I will always be anti those terrible things, haha, but I started use less “anti” language, and saying here’s the things I stand for. Or viewing yourself as a “Neoreactionary” or an “Anarcho-Capitalist” or “Radical Traditionalist” or “Nationalist” or “Alt-Right” or “Alt-Left” or “Hoppean Paleolibertarian” hahaha, or whatever might be a sensible “label” that doesn’t involve the word “anti.” I guess this presumes a comfortability in associating with a label, which once I was not, but now I am. More or less, haha.

For a while I was hardcore MGTOW but ultimately it was just too bleak for me, as I personally could not stomach the “avoid all women” aspect of the most extreme MGTOWs. I simply value women too much and struggled to find an “appropriate” view/perspective on women. Feminism sure wasn’t it, but the most extreme modern MGTOW wasn’t much more hopeful for me. I mean the stuff like artificial wombs and “2D Waifus” and such.

Basically I came to a more traditional view which hardcore Mgtows would definitely call “White Knighting”, but it’s a much better belief system for me to live with. Maybe I am closing my eyes to reality, taking the blue pill, or maybe I am creating my own reality, haha.

Some men have no problem not dealing with women at all whatsoever. So for them, extremist MGTOW makes sense and doesn’t give any inner conflict. For someone like me, though, who would like to get married and have children someday, I needed a belief system that was more in line with my personal desires and goals.

For me, a general transition from Libertarian MRA toward Rightist Nationalist Traditionalist was very useful. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach though!

And since I don’t interact with people every day at a job any more, that increases my sense of isolation and “weirdness.” In other words, I feel like a “weirdo” within myself.

It would probably help to have super close friends that you can talk about these things with, and they can reassure you that you are not weird…..but I’m guessing most of us don’t have those kinds of close friends! It would probably be nice though. I have had close friends at points in my life where there was that sense of “intimacy,” and I remember it as being a very good, supportive thing.  And it kinda sucks to want that kind of connection with somebody but not have it, then sometimes you seem “desperate” in wanting it, and that is even more frustrating, etc etc etc.

Anyway, posting on these forums is a good substitute for that I think.

I have been absent from this forum and also from my “weird, extreme” political forum for a few weeks now as I have intensified my job search exponentially, and that’s been a positive change. Accomplishing more actual tasks, and less time on the forums. The forums are GREAT, but I think it can reach a plateau of usefulness after looking at it too much.

I just sat down and started blasting out resumes and cover letters and applications, making a game out of it, trying to beat my “high score” of how many I could accomplish in one day. Starting off small and working my way up. As I did that every day, I began to get more “Streamlined” in terms of managing my 600000000000 documents, resumes in 20 different places, the most efficient ways of searching indeed.com, most efficient ways to job search basically.

This actually resulted in some “progress” on the job front, which while it hasn’t led to a job yet, did boost my confidence a bit, and makes it seem more hopeful that I am capable of getting a job.

I have noticed that Call Center jobs seem to be relatively easy to get, and often have full-time openings and a wage higher than $10 an hour, haha. A staffing agency basically handed me a Technical Support Call Center job on a silver platter, quite decent money, but…..I would caution that the Call Center environment can be absolutely excruciating and hellish beyond one’s wildest nightmares. My last job was in such a setting and I simply cannot fathom going back to anything remotely like that. I think because the call center is such a universally-loathed environment is why there is such availability of jobs in them.

I would not recommend such a position to any of us on this forum unless at the absolute rock bottom of desperation.

I felt bad turning down a well-paying job that so many people would be very happy to have. But something “smelled fishy” about the company, and I’m just not desperate enough to take a job in a call center, thank God.

Some people actually have better-than-horrible experiences and could testify Not All Call Centers Are Like That. Good for them I say, but I just don’t want to take the chance at this time. The time may come where I am not so privileged, but until then, I will pursue other types of jobs.  Just saying if you get super desperate and want to try something challenging, you could find a “tech support help desk” job easier than other jobs. Some fortunate people are able to turn it into a decent career. It helps if you are very strong and confident emotionally. Unfortunately, I was not.

What I would do is build my Indeed Resume and use that to apply to as many postings on Indeed as I could. I have one Master Resume in a text file which I copy and paste to all my other resumes as needed. The master resume is super long, having everything and anything. I know you are only “supposed” to have a one page resume, but I always send them the Big Resume first. If I get an interview then I will bring them the Long Resume AND a condensed one-page resume. I only had one interview, and it was a very informal interview with a recruiter. I think that was better than a proper interview with a company, less pressure. Another recruiter offered me the high-paying tech support call center job WITHOUT an interview, just looking at my resume. That was part of what I mean that the whole situation was “fishy.” Turns out the company has a terrible reputation and is a revolving door of employees all saying it is the worst place in the world to work.

On the Indeed “Quick Apply” jobs you submit your Indeed resume, and there is a box for a cover letter (optional.) In this box I copy and paste a one-paragraph “statement of interest” where I fill in the company’s name Talent Acquisition Team and play around with business jargon and BS. Stuff about being a motivated self-starter ready to hit the ground running and add value to your team in the Machine Operator position. Include name, phone and email here as well.

Gradually I find ways to improve my resume. So I go back to the Master resume, then copy that back over to my Indeed resume.  Also I began experimenting with LinkedIn. So I copy the Master Resume to Indeed and to LinkedIn.

Of course a lot of jobs aren’t even posted on indeed. Stuff like City, municipal, county jobs, hospital jobs. I make documents and notes and lists of all these places so I don’t forget to check them.  I use sticky notes on the computer desktop, and use Notepad++ for all my Word Processing needs because I prefer working with txt files and then just copy and paste them wherever needed. Also it allows me to have 15 documents open at any given time: master resume, short resume, 1 paragraph cover letter, 3 paragraph cover letter, ongoing job search notes/journal including all the places I’ve applied to, unofficial transcripts, list of references with addresses phones emails, a couple letters of recommendation I’ve been fortunate enough to get, a list of companies and websites NOT on indeed, the biggest employers in the city, the biggest employers in the county, a place to copy my sticky notes when I get too many sticky notes. Basically I need a lot of documents open. One could do the same thing with Word or Notepad or Open Office or whatever you want, I just wanted something to quickly access a lot of different documents easily. I sync all these to my Google Drive so I can access them anywhere if needed.

Also double check if you are able to get any official college transcripts online. I only had unofficial transcripts but then I checked the college websites recently and discovered you could download an official transcript as a PDF, complete with official seal and signed security certificate, so that’s an easy but useful thing to have.

Then I save all emails regarding confirmation of applying to an Applied Jobs Folder. Save all rejection emails to a rejections folder, hahaha. That is definitely frustrating, but I guess it’s better to get a rejection email than absolutely nothing at all.

I have been applying with any staffing or temp agencies in the area I can find. They have made me take some online skills tests.

Sometimes it gets ridiculous. I was invited to take an “assessment test” for a pretty low-paying part time job. There were 30 people in a room on a Saturday morning to take a 100 question multiple choice test that took me almost 2 hours to complete. I have no doubt some people walked out because they thought the test was overkill for the actual job, but IMHO it was better than a call center. I am being invited back for a second round of tests for that one, haha. This is all before even having an interview.

So yeah, it’s funny that I have taken a number of assessment tests online, some in-person assessment tests, several urine drug tests, sent out dozens of resumes, cover letters and applications, and had one actual job offer (call center)……but I haven’t had a single real interview. Except for an informal talk with a recruiter who said they might have a data entry job for me. I am hoping for a call back on that one. Not a call center!!

If I had any courage I would do it old-school style: get a list companies in an x-mile radius and just start CALLING them on the phone. Is the manager available, Are you hiring people right now, Are you accepting resumes, hi my name is bla bla and I am available immediately to hit the ground running and help your team be more profitable, I’d love to talk to you about how I may add value, bla bla. And then just spend all day making phone calls and calling people. Unfortunately, I am very phone-shy and have not tried this. If you have no problem with the phone though, it’s definitely worth a try.

I also went to the thrift store because I wanted to look for a “new” suit coat. I was able to find something pretty good for a low price. Wearing that to my “interview” with the recruiter definitely was a confidence booster, and really confidence is the most important thing to have. Which I don’t, so I have to fake it, so anything that makes it easier to fake it is appreciated.

If you can get a tailored suit from men’s wearhouse or something with perfectly matching coat and pants, that would probably be ideal, but there are workarounds for that, haha. Also I have heard that a plain white dress shirt does better in interviews than a dress shirt with stripes. I think this is probably BS though, haha.

Reading articles on LinkedIn Pulse and TheMuse.com and that kind of stuff can be really good for developing your ability to speak the BS Language of Business and give you powerful words and phrases to use in your resume and cover letters and interviews. After a while it gets so frustrating you have to stop reading though. I don’t recommend taking that stuff too seriously, but I also don’t recommend getting angry about it like I often do! “What kind of people talk and think like this! This is SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!” hahahaha.

Finally, I have a “what to say during the interview” file where I write everything I could possibly say in an interview that makes me sound like a winning Team Member. This includes lots of copy pasted stuff from articles on Linkedin and Themuse.

For my quasi-interview with the recruiter, I condensed this 100 page document down to 2 pages so that I could bring it with me to the interview and remember to say it.

Basically my goal is to get a new job and put a terrible, confidence-destroying year behind me, where I kind of had a breakdown, lost the job, got heart broken, felt like a real screw-up and loser.

Of course a job is no cure-all, just like a woman is no cure-all. But I think a decent job, as well as a decent relationship, can go a long way in building one’s self-confidence, and when you are totally devoid of one or both, it can really destroy you confidence. Believe me I know how impossible it is to get either one, I’ve never really had either one!

Anyway it sounded like your previous job was not a healthy environment, just like my previous job was not a healthy environment. In the short to medium term, it’s bad to be out of a job, but in the long term, if we can possibly find a better job, then it will all be worth it.

Of course, I worry “what if I DONT find a better job, and can only hope to find a WORSE job?”

Those are the kind of thoughts I really have to fight.

Anyway I think if you (or I, haha) can find a halfway tolerable new job, in your case not with a stupid d1ckhead manager and in my case not in a horrible stressful call center, that will greatly increase your confidence and you won’t feel like such a “weirdo” for your beliefs, and will find it easier to find basic common ground with people.

Keep us posted!

END DF POST

then a guy responded with a beautiful friends first story and how “the perfect woman had been right there in front of him this whole time. we have been married for 17 wonderful years.”

so I responded with:

DF POST

that is a great story of how you met your wife. I am a huge fan of these “friends first” stories because I think it is a very good way to begin a strong, long-term relationship. An ideal way, for me, at least. Unfortunately, “friends first” also has its pitfalls, such as the “friendzone” or in some cases, bitter and sad heartbreak, haha.

I don’t take the “friendzone” as seriously as some, because to me it’s a non-issue. If I express feelings and they say sorry, let’s just be friends, then I would more than likely work to “peacefully detach” from the person, because IMHO, a real and healthy friendship simply cannot exist when there is such an imbalance of feelings. If I had a female friend who had one-sided feelings for me and I was putting her in the “friendzone”, I would say something like: Yeah, the friendzone is BS, because I know you don’t want to be just friends with me. I appreciate this is a real tough situation for you, and it’s probably best if we spend some time apart.

In other words, I just don’t understand these friendzone situations where one person is pining for months and years…..and the other person is ok with that. I would not want to be on either side of that.

And I have to share my horror story as well! Here, the Friendzone would have been very preferable! I was very close and got along very well with my female friend, just as you did. It took a long time, but I eventually developed feelings for her, and really hoped it would work out, because we knew each other so well, and for a long time, and had a good connection, and knew and trusted and supported each other. Unfortunately, she was horrified or disgusted or just completely overwhelmed that I had feelings for her, and she walked away without a word as I desperately begged her to please talk to me. It was the complete opposite of “let them down gently”, hahaha. It more than broke my heart, it turned my world upside down, and has taken a very long time to even make SOME progress in getting over it all. The fact that we were good friends made the ultimate heartbreak even worse, as did the harsh suddenness of the way it all came crashing down.

I guess this is the risk we all take in making ourselves vulnerable and offering our heart to others, haha. Sometimes you are the bug and sometimes you are the windshield, haha.

But I still love the idea that men and women can be friends and then gradually develop into something more. IMHO, it’s much more beautiful than the “hook-up culture” where people get physical very fast, and go through the motions of a relationship over the short-term, and go through a revolving door of shallow, short-term relationships, never really knowing the other person before getting bored and discarding them. (And in many cases, are rejected before even reaching the point of short-term “dating”!) It is a beautiful thing to build a long-term relationship from a basis of mutual respect and appreciation where you already have a real friendship with the person.

So thank you for sharing a story of success here, just to give some hope that it can happen! So far I have only experienced the very negative side of this, but would very much like to have an experience like yours.

END DF POST

hahahaha.

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