april 19

ok here is some more oldass posts that had been Aging and Curing since April 2015. super deep stuff. not sure how much stuff there is really.

HUGE COPY PASTE STARTING NOW. current comments in []

APRIL 2015 . TXT ::::::::

april 8 2015
yeah bub bub. going to bathroom right now lol. finally getting much needed oil change very soon. thank goodness. did very well at game. connecting more intimately with my male game friend. [I think the Relaxer was actually helping with that.]

ok 1 23 pm, done with oil change and shopping, good to accomplish that, big relaxer in thre, caused some nervousness, but now back to saftey hahaa.

started laundry, will do a mini relaxer around 6 ish.

have to be utterly avoid ff [female freind] like plague. except i might ask her to get me more relaxer. and then if she does, that might be a good sign. [she helped me obtain the relaxer stuff so I thought one day she might like to  enjoy relaxer WITH ME. not unreasonable right?]

ok type for a while. few minutes, then better call saul, then right to bed, ff is getting laid off next week, and i am hoping for the same. job is super ridiculous not even reagrding ff. i am sure she will still wait til the end of month to hang out, if at all!!! [yeeeepppp. IF AT ALL EVER AGAIN. But I didnt have to sit there and TAKE it!!!!!]

so no high hopes there whatsoever. but being out of the awful job will be good! will try a little harder to find a better job this time.

yeah buddy. april 12, in bathroom, slept till 11am, need to go to stupid church NOW. texted ff yesterday at like 745 pm with a short nonweird text, did not get a response, probably because shes out doing exactly what i dont want her to do, ie, hang out with that guy and have s with him, because he’s cooler, younger, handsomer, chiller, more alpha than me. [I would text her on saturday to Feel Her Out and she if she might want to hang out. yeah its pushy, i am not proud.]

but i went to a better college and and smarter and funnier than him! but i am short, blad, old, fat, and 2 positions below him, so he’s gotta make at least 4 bucks an hour more than me. for never taking phone calls. the level 2s and people doing esc cases stillmake a decent number of calls. but not the level 3s! what the hell do the level 3s even do? they seem to have the by far easiest job. [they really did. they just sat back and relaxed and never answered phones, never worked on cases, were all pretty chilled out. because they had the least stressful jobs. made at least 4 dollars an hour more than level 1. went to meetings.]

so yesterday i had two back to back cig sized relaxers, that did the trick VERY nicely, then laid down for a soild hour, then started to neckbeard a bit, tok a valium, got the mad munchies, satisfied them, then took half a nyquil and laid down for bed at 1030 pm, tv off, lites out, etc, and did not wake up until over 12 hours later, and now here i am, no time to prepare relaxers before church, just enough time to poop lol.

later 120 pm. pooping again. i blame the job. it makes me take 5 smaller poops a day, and always feel like i have to poop.


april 1x
1238 am
got layoff earlier in the day, last day, just got back from game, look at internet for a while, get 8 weeks off work, got to find better new job, gotta BE COOL with ff and give her space and let her come to me and such, still not good hopes there. [the ball was in her court. but she wasnt gonna come to me. I should just blurted it out. I know I started to write a god damn long letter explaining everything. shoulda sent that too.]

dont want to be like a beta cuck!

kinda going overbaord wiht these relaxers, but oh well. went to store, trimmed beard.

april 1x 146 pm

check it out. filed the unemp claim, hopefully dont get rejected haha. concerted effort to play it cool with ff and just lay super low, no contact, and hope she contacts me after a few days. 3? 5? 7? [this is exactly why you set a time to talk. none of this waiting indefinitely bullshit.]

try to do some good erry day, like look at indeed for 10 minutes.

ok did that.

make flashcards with the actual ridic buzzphrases.

ok. 100 hours of no contact. heh. 100 days maybe.

no 100 hours is 4 days. so today thurs, fri, sat, and sun, then hope she contacts me monday. then when i see her again, be fun and cool and chill and turn on the charm and lots of touching and staring haha. then once that takes, make a joke about her and the other guy, then grab her and maek out with her.
but no not be a wimpy sensitive beta.

[WHEN i see her again ?!?!?!?! HA!!!!]

have to be charming, funny, chill, stare right at her, and touch her a lot. dont talk about anything serious. just plenty of touching. hahahaha. not a lot to remember. yes i can take her out to dinner and pay for her.

or go for a nice walk in the park, enjoy relaxer, watch some tv etc. mixed in with the touching.

[but yeah those are all very good masculine moves to make. If only I could have hung out with her! I had the right idea for the moves to put on her!]

april 1x

ok do not contact her skank ass for at least one week, 7 days, so, thurs of next week is the earliest i can do antyhing. that will test her good.

meantime focus on daily powerwalks and sleeping hahaha.

april 1x

well the first couple days are the roughest i suppose. and of course she feels no roughness at all, except the roughness she enjoys from being f00ked by dudes. come on. so my hate and contempt are growing, i am becoming OBSESSED here and cannot focus on the IMPORTANT things in life, all while she has fun, and f00ks other guys. well, i guess it would be worse if we had already dated, right?

so now i write her short gmail drafts lets just do that here in the ol writing bucket haha

just switched to notepad++. see how this plays.

texted her stupid smiley face earlier, did not get response to that, not surprising, not do anything for next 2 days at least

dear that woman,
im sorry i have been so weird. things are a lot better now that i have gotten away from the phones and gotten a lot of rest. i hope u arent too mad at me. I wish we could talk about it and i think we could get everything figured out! I just miss seeing you is all really and i wish we could hang out more. I know your going thru a tough time and i hope things are getting better for you. but i get concerned when you shut me out, i wish it didn’t have to be like that. please talk to me and we can get everything straightened out. im not mad at u! i hope your not mad at me. i just want to talk. take care. [unsent message. should have sent it. I wrote “your”like a moron because thats how moronic her writes youre.]

april 1x
but yeah this has become an obsession and it is starting to scare me, well i feel ok now, not great, but last couple of days could not do anthing, jsut sit there, take nap, cant fully enjoy being laid off from the job, if she is gona be a low down dirty mud shark n1993rr wh0re.

but thats on her, and no use me getting worked up for that.

april 19

just fricken stupid!!! ok how do i turn off spell check. stupid boxes like bitches. cant stop thinking about this bitch. damn. coming close to writing her a facebook message. it does not get any better.

wrote fb msg, said “hope u are doing good!! and happy 420 day tomorrow :)” seen as of 718 pm, but sent at about 7:10pm, so no ppl dont see them RIGHT AWAY.

kept it super short and noncommittal and cordial, which is all i was going for. [i dont think that is too pushy. one damn facebook message, one damn 🙂 text a few days before that. i mean couldnt she just tell me what was going on? what WAS going on? I know she had some shit with her family, but it takes 5 minuets to write an email!!!!!]

april 20
yep sent that fb message above, just go wiht a damn text message next time. i hate that she USED to hang out with me but now refuses to, and gives her fine big ass to other guys. yes a huge spanking is in order, def need to do that. this is killing me, had weird dreams yesterday. and this is just bitches doing a standard REJECTION with NO cheating! jeez how hypersensitive can u get! interpersonal rejection sensitivity.

[yes I would have LOVED to give her a LONG spanking!!!!!]

top lel. maybe i should stalk the facebook of the f4ggy guy my female fren is interested in and giving her attention to. foooook. this sucks for me so bad. it is like i am POSSESSED. possessed and obsessed. it is not good, i gotta get these demons out!!!

[she prob wasnt hanging out with him, but instead with her family! wow what an asshole I was!!!]

i didnt ask for this! really the only things i can use to get my mind off, are relaxers, and white nationalism.

controversial daily stormer article saying white women are even bigger problem than k1kes. and that white men need to man up and control their damn women, because this is a disgrace. yes it is. a damn disgrace, smh. [did I mention I associate with white nationalists hahahaha. ]

i would plan to control and train my ff thru regular spankings, but i think she may also be a lost cause with her bipolar, bitchiness, n1993r loving, social justice, slut whore, promiscuity, etc. but its….

yep definitely a lost cause, sunk cost, dead weight. NEXT!!!

sad to see old friends become full blown marxist academics. these are smart, funny, kind people. their opinions have not so much changed drastically, but when you become a phd, marxism has to go front and center, so you talk about it more, because its your job, career, life. and i know these people are smart, very smart. it makes me wonder if i am completely wrong with my anti marxism.

anyway thats ok i will nver hate them! but ff on the other hand, she is working her way over to the hate list. wont even respond to a facebook message, or a smiley face text

saw her at arund 12 pm monday on fb chat and i was just sitting there, f00k no im not gonna say anything to that cvnt, and then she leaves within a few minutes, blatantly avoidng me. well dont love yourself so much narcissist, i wasnt gonna talk to you anyway.

obviously the BETA thing is to talk to her, be like baby please respond, talk to me about our feelings. and the ALPHA thing is to say idgaf and be like oh i forgot all about u, u wouldn’t respond to me, you shut me out in the cold, so i was like homey dont play that, fook u, im done with u, trifling whore, doing my own fun exciting things without u. i forgot you even existed. so yeah no contact haha.

but it doesnt bode well for the future that i care too much, and she does not care hardly enough. does not look good mang. [yep]

well essentially she is telling me she wants me to leave her alone for a period of time, but she’s too much of a dumb n1993r woman to directly say that, once again i have to do all the heavy lifting because women are the choosers, hahaha.

the only way for a MAN to be a CHOOSER is to BE ALPHA.

so i cant really bitch about her being a btich or “immature” because this is more womanly than it is immature.

BUT paradoxically women are known to be easily fooled, easily led, letting negroes make babies with them.

they are choosy but by god are they not smart. just because their reproductive costs are high does not mean they treat them that way!

way to not invite me to the summer concert! or any concert, or any thing, or to hang out, or for crimmus, or for tgiving, or to hang out, or anything ever!!!!! bitch. [there was a big fun concert during summer 2015 where I was like wanna go to this, and she said sorry already got tickets i didnt think you liked him, and I said, welp hes ok, I just thought it would be something really fun for me and you to do! and then she said aw Im sorry. but I already got tickets. and tickets sold out super quick.]

but its REALLY sad how this is the most eligible women i know. that i dont have any better options than this trash.

april 20
917 pm
the next facebook msg:

hi there hope your not too mad at me lol 🙂 i will leave u alone for a while, but its just hard cuz I miss you a lot!! 😦 😦 you are a good influence on me, and i want to be a good influence on you too! i have gotten a lot better lately lol 🙂 i hope u and your fam are doing well & hope we can be friendz again soon 🙂 :^D

and sent it with a hilarious picture of pepe the frog kill all normies.jpg hahaha
feels good man

a little beta but the humorous tone was a good move.
also it was honest.
but honest is beta right.
well its something and honestly she should be communicating with me moar. make any kind of fookin effort baby. come on. just throw me a teensy tiny little bone lemme know u dont hate me.

yeah super beta but i would be a lot more alpha if i could actually see her. plus it could have been 90000000 times more beta. but now she obv has chat turned on and we are both visible to each other and she has not said anything in 30 minutes. big surprise there! well usually she just signs off or turns off chat lol, she is super avoiding me like the PLAGUE. great time to send her a message then haha. but i had to get one more out of my system before i went on the hiatus of “a while” mentioned in the msg.

[it was normal for us to use lots of stupid smileys in our messages. see I was trying to assert myself a LITTLE, at least being honest about missing her.]

so now that i just blew my load, then absolutely no contact for as long as possible. 2 days, 3 days better, 4 days and then an alpha text would maybe be best? [again I am playing HER damn stupid waiting game of chicken!]

sign off and now i am back! and she was there, having signed on recently too. then i signed off to make it look like i wasn’t STALKING her or SUFFOCATING her or CREEPING around.

so now just sitting here again. the normal male thing to do would be for her to say hi sorry yep hope u are doing well too, im sorry i have been weird well hang out soon and i will explain everything.[YES!!!!!] but not a peep. now i cant really complain about THAT though, that is the natural way, of women being the choosers, and I KNOW it would be stupid for me to try to overcome that, in fact the best thing is to do the male counterpart to that: BE MASCULINE. hehe remember that one.

of course she could just be deleting the things as soon as she gets them, never reading them. or glancing at them and never reading them again,which sounds liek something i would do lol. and thus never really internalizing the authorial intent lol. at least never understanding the material presented. i outweighed the 😦 with 🙂 and in an ideal world, that would be good enough….. but this is the world of the choosers, lol, so that kind of is the ideal world no?

well, no, only partially. check yr chooser privilege lol
so in an ideal world, choosers would respect their chooser prvilege by showing accountability, responsibility, etc, rather than just whoring up with a lucky few alphas. because civilization and FAMILIES hsould be training their gurls to not be idiots.

nature is veyr strong but nurture is very strong with women, you have to train them HARD or else they will turn to shit. dont take your eye off them until they are with a mature alpha male and have a few white kids by their earliy twenties

this ought to be good
wow several replies!

Hey of course I’m not mad at u I am not mad at u at all
Yes we can hang soon
Miss ya happy 420 stoners
Hope your enjoying your time off.

sent from mobile, eh whore hahahaha. well way to be out sucking cock thats never mine lol.

OHHHHHH just got a red heart texted hahahahaha
that is usu a good sign

ok then i gave her a red heart back and was a huge beta saying dont be a stranger and lets smoke weed soon and i love u and want you to poop in my mouth lol.


[wow hahaha some degeneracy there. but I really liked the heart texts. see she is saying she misses me too and wants to hang out soon. and a god damn heart hahaha. i knew this didnt mean she LIKES me, but it SURE looks like we might hang out soon!!!!!!!]

april 21
ok signed into jobs site as is required by law to get muh bennies. muh money. govt cheese. even updated the profile, tidied it up a bit. try not to forget password.

not to smother u with msgs but: might not be able to make [fun event she wanted to go to and I wanted to go to with her and said I would buy her a ticket but she never responded haha] on saturday unless it gets out early;; forgot i was going to a bday partay at [redneck bar] in the evening; u are cordially invited if u would like to meet my [game] friends, and/or watch me sing karaoke lol!!; [another invite she ignored]  have fun at [justice event], do u do that erry day? be sure to make the women aware that tens of thousands of women lie about child abuse to keep nonabusive fathers away from their children [hahahaha I would “redpill” her with MGTOW stuff sometimes] take care bae & stay away from those walmarts where the department of defense is secretly starting world war 3 with yemenis and mexicans [referring to jade helm conspiracy which we had been talking about, and also I sometimes called her “BAE” to SIGNAL my luv for her]

^^^^^^ sent yet another fb msg to ff today
was not wanting a response, good.
more of a repoire, familiarity building exercise.
take the edge off.

[I guess thats ok, but really better not to send anything.]

353 pm some sort of recruiter wants me to drive 40 miles one way to make an appt to fill out an application at 1:30 tommorow. i guess i could just for fun. i think they said the job “office assistant” which pays 12 bucks an hour, 25 hours a week… 300 dollars a week dam thats a little UNDER what i get for muh unemployment.
the girl did not sound super trained haha she must have been a new hire at another company that doesnt care about training its employees because really i dont care. they probably, HOPEFULLY have someone more experienced talking to their CLIENTS.
the girl did not mention her name or the name of the recruiting company! it sounded super shady tbh, but i simply know they can get away with sounding shady because a job is a job son.

hmmm 49 miles eh, not 40.
i guess the proper thing would be to call so i am not blackballed.
blacklisted i mean.

black balls are what my ff likes smacking her white face.
hehehe. i am in a better mood since ff responded to me yesterday, albeit minimally, although albeit positiviely hahaha. [got a good feels from getting my FIX from her.]

so i sent that above message today wtih some more deets and a light joke.

NOW i prob only got that call because i just updated the job site res.
note: update that profile regarlarly, something in the employer search algorithm lol.
also ff’s mother is probaby more interesting and intelligent than muh ff haha when it comes to all the bla bla stuff.
so the mother got along real well with the previous boifran, the white guy, the guy i didnt hate lol.
kinda of weird the mother did not push for him to stay!
which means either he or ff really wanted to get out.
except they are super hardcore conspiracy tinfoil types who think THE COLLAPSE is going to happen within ike 5 years.
I think it is going to happen within 50 years. split diff? 27 years? sure sounds good.

BUT why is the mother so distant from the father?
Certainly the mother is crazy, as is my ff, but are they Crazy EVIL?
either they intentionally shut the man out (alienation) [abandonment!!!] OR the men are abusive or they are deadbeat losers. [probably the father was a deadbeat loser who doesnt want to take care of his children.]

either ff is EVIL, or these men are huge losers.
so i would rather them be huge losers cuz i dont want her to be evil.
BUT them being huge losers says a lot about the mother CHOOSING them to have CHILDREN with.

i do not know anything about ff’s  father

so if she cucks me with the tall level 3winner, and shows up to one of the partays with him while ignoring my invitations, i will be as alpha as i can, trying to entertain the party guests, for a max of one hour, then disappear into the night. that woudl be a pretty low down thing of her to do, or stupid, regardless of the WOMEN ARE CHOOSERS excuse them of all stupid behavior card. the card excuses a lot but it still does not excuse THAT!!!!!! [it WOULD be RUDE of her to show up with some other guy when I had invited her. no, she didnt end up doing this, but I thought she might!]

heh laptop on the crapper again, darn right this is a regular thing, however i would like for my bowels to eventually get back to “normal”, spared the unnatural torture of stress and coffee and weirdness at the job.

wonder if recruiter will tell the state i didnt show up and therefore they will then cut off muh money lol.

hopefully not!

that child molesting [hyperbole ] k1ke alex jacob is off of jeopardy! so suddenly off. now he was the player of the month! autistic but somewhat charming swarthy k1ke who looked truly semitic!

april 22
had a marathon nightmare which was like if david lynch made intentional horror movies rather than having a few truly disturbing parts. something with a very evil man who would tear peoples faces off or punch a hole right thru their face and out the back of their skull; a weird birthing / brothel place run by catholic nuns where men customers would come in and buy a fetus from the moment of conception and then somehow have sechs with it for a price, or with the baby when it was born?

then i thought, welp if ff brings  level 3 f4ggot to the summer concert but not me, then ITS F00KIN OVER, its close to being over now, if she goes with him to the party on may  [i think she just went to the concert with her family, and that she NEVER really hung out with this guy other than once! I was making her out to be a bigger slut than she is in other words.]
its over. but her going to summer concert with him would be equally j00ish and inexcuseable even under the lenient rule of Women R Chooserz.

oh god i am getting into the habit of sending her a fb msg in the morning. well this

i did not mean to make light of [event] and the horrendous violence that happens against women! but hope you had a effective time! i would be interested to see the level of cultural marxism there though! stopping violence against women is one thing, but at least 50% of feminists are total marxists who hate men and wrap their “superiority feminism” in a package with many other marxist things like socialism, gun control, big govt, unlimited immigration, anti-male legislation, etc. hehe also next time ask a marxist feminist about “nice guys” and watch the haterade flow lol. (even though i try to be a nice person, i am NOTTTT and never will be a “nice guy” because they are very stupid, but dont deserve the unlimited h8 which comes from feminists) . but i think it is very interesting how something normal and good, like dont beat women, is mixed with that whole marxist package. well i could be wrong but at least thats what feminist activists were like a few years ago lol, which drove me away from being a feminist lol. anyway good for u for going to the event, and hopefully there were enough people who could share their personal experiences, rather than a bunch of college students wearing che guevara t shirts, who have never lived in the real world lol. . . . .. ok sorry for the book LOLOLOL. i know i said i would leave u alone. but i like running my mouth at u. . .. within a few hours of doing my state talent profile, got a call from a recruiter  asking me to come to blabla today to “fill out an application” for a part time job. i did not want to drive 50 miles lol so i am no calling no showing my “appointment” to “fill out the application” lol i hope that is not too privileged lol!!!! lemme know if any spots open up on your summer concert lol, i am still butthurt about that lol. …. [my work friends] are having a chill partay on sat may x (and may xx!! haha) which i am inviting u to, but hopefully they invited u to it already! …anyway take care i was just curious about the marxism level of the feminists thats all lol. i like writing long books even when i am not stressed out by work, this is what writers do lol, they WRITE!!! so the place in blabla called back, i said OOOooo Im sorry I can’t make it today, CAN I CALL YOU BACK shortly. see the first time they called, they had a young person that sounded like they didn’t know what they were doing, did not mention the name of the staffing company, sounds like they just got hired with no training, i guess lots of companies do that hahahaha. then i thought, well thats “fair” because it doesnt matter to the job seeker if the recruiter sounds shady, because we will take anything we can get. BUT I hope they get somebody more experienced to talk to their paying clients!!!! but i just think its hilarious that companies dont care about having their employees even SEEM like they’ve been trained. figure it out yourself, and the weakest 50% get fired. ok im done for today, this just takes me 5 minutes to write, not like i’m obsessing all day about this hahaha lol. if u dont want to read it all, give it to your Mom and she can give u the cliffs notes lol. but seriously have a nice day and hope event was good and really this is all just an excuse to send u another ridiculous pepe the frog picture…….

oh wow that is a book hahaha. oh well fook it. whats done is done. i wish i had a qt gurl who cared enought to write me books. and she just sits there like a dumb cvmcow taking n199er dicks.

[yeah that was WAY too long a facebook message to write her. SORRY. i regret that hahaha. but that is how crazy I was going, desperate for some kind of contact with her.]

wow she actually responded to that and we had the longest conversation ever, like 1 hour of her actually responding to me hahaha. so she has definitely turned some kind of corner, FINALLY, and i am trying not to get too excited tho HANG OUT WITH ME RIGHT NOW etc.

so we had a long conversation and that was nice, kind of gay, but i hope by her telling me that she is way more emo than me, some other small talk details of what she or her fam are doing recently, are intimacy building exercises for the slightly retarded hehehe which of course all females are. slightly, thats generous lol.

so i mentioned yeah lets walk in the forest near your house, and go to budget movie theater, i will pay for u; i miss u; etc etc. oh yeah lets visit the ghost town in bla bla, i’ll rent a car lol. [i invited her to more fun shit and made it clear i wanted to hang out wiht her. she avoided responded. of course I should have said lets do this then. yes or no.]

yep i should take a shower if she wants to do something, because what i want to do involves the dirty bits.

well i took a shower later in the day outside of my comfort zone lol. and she probably will not get back to me. but yeah i got my fix of her earlier so now i am high haha.

i would be so much damn FUN if she CHOSE to hang out with me!!!

and now that she is dangling that in front of me i am getting excited. just as we would all expect!!!

well she said she would message me, which of course is not something she USUALLY says, so now i am excited. sitting here waiting like a moron for her to message or text me.

or i get such a rush off of our stupid conversation yet she has 90000 conversations like this erry day with 9000 different guys. sounds exhausting, and decadent and degenerate.

welp i dont think she is going to message. trifling ho hahaha. wonder which guy she is CHOOSING for tonight over me hehe. do not like being CUCKED hehe.

wahhh now she signed off of webchat on her phone. probably going to suck moar dicks, making choices, sucking dicks, never mine lol.

april 23
damn dying. all i can think about is that BITCH! this is a greek tragedy in the making. she is not interested in me, she will go for this other guy, and it doesn’t make it any better that this guy is white.

meanwhile i gotta go to the unemp office TODAY and “register in person” whatever that means. ANYTHING related to the govt is always INTENTIONALLY confusing as f00k. so i am dreading going in there, but i either go in there, or do not get muh money.

got back from that, was not too bad, bretty good actually, not a big deal.

oh yeah 740 pm just got some message action!!!

Funny pic lol [i had sent her a pepe hahaha]

just did my job searches lol bunch of bs
hey u!! yeah me too will buy a ticket at some point, really cant miss [another summer concert] i agree! o my lord hope u found some good jobs hope u dont have to call them

what r u up to

Just cleaning up throwing out a lot of crap lol spring cleaning and medicating [her word for relaxing with Degen MJ haha]

How about u
o my lord well good for u, spring cleaning is a great thing lol! hehe did a little self medication as well lol watching jeopardy &reading, should prob do some spring cleaning myself lol
u should drink that iced tea lol
i was thinking about going to the retarded “horror” movie “ouija” about a haunted ouija board at budget cinema if ur interested lol

sent that one just now haha.
i figured it was worth a shot. a very long shot but something haha. then i see she had been offline for 6 minutes, shoudla sent it 6 minutes earlier.

i could text her but i dont really want to go to a stupid movie haha. plus that would look even moar desperate.

[i knew what I was doing was desperate…..but I did it anyway. now I was hopeful again because I thought we would atually hang out in the next few weeks. and I just liked talking to her.]

april 24

i guess i have to empathize and figure she is just not ready for something, because she is still getting over the past. HOWEVER if she cucks me with some other guy, right now, then that proves the above theory is false.

ok. yesterday kinda wanted to watch a sh1tty horror movie. decided to stop being lazy and start using netflix.

had a dream that i was cuddling with a small skinny woman. usually prefer taller women but i am not a tall guy lol. i said can i cuddle with u and she said ok and then we tried to begin and right around then the dream ended. of course.

oh heres a great idea:

moved 500000 page letters to gurl to new text file in my documents.
ok that took like 2 hours but it really did need to be written, if only for my own records, biography, story, etc. plus its everything there in case she wants it. which she prob wont. doesnt even care lol.

but yeah that honestly is a good honest summation of everything, and would be civil polite enough to actually send to her. i am glad to have it now.

[yes i should have. there was still two and a half months of agony until the shit hit the fan]

so its my fault for not asking direct short questions to get the answers i needed, and to do that outside of hanging out, ie, do it on the job. or by texting.

text her: do you want to date so and so?
text her: are you still hung up on the cheating n1993r?
3. could you ever date me in a million yeras?
4. WHEN can we hang out? i can wait two months, just TELL ME two months, is better than leaving me hanging.

like flashcads lol.
april 25
5. why didnt you invite me to the summer concert?
6. did you invite somebody else instead? other than your fam or friend? did you invite a handsome young man?
7. are you going to this party?
8. do you want to come with me?
9. are you going with someone else?
10. who are you going with?
11. what time will you be getting there?

that kind gestapo interrogation.
and in that case, i will leave 10 minutes before she shows up.

[yes i was right about that. need to ask gestapo style DIRECT questions or they WILL avoid and evade them.]

and when my male friend asks why you leaving? i dunno what i would say. i could easily be honest and discreet, saying yeah me and her are having tuff times and i would rather not see her coming with other guys when i already asked her to come with me and she said no. because i like her and i don’t like being rejected by her.
and then he would say, well that sucks, have you talked to her about it?
and then i say nope, she has no fooking clue lol.

[well its not that I hadnt tried to talk to her about it! I wanted to talk, she didnt! also, this never came to pass.]

see what i mean? so the best thing would be to just have an excuse like i gotta go, or i feel sick.

OR even better, put moves on other cute girls before she arrives with him, so that she can see me seducing other cute girls.

ridiculous i tell you. motherf00ker.

hmm said hello to her on facebook then immed signed off, then came back for about 15 minutes and she did not respond. prob should have said nothing at all. [yeah]
yep no response. if she wanted me she obv would have responded. should not said anything. damn. another step backwards lol. [yep]

so the tldr did not take 2 hours, that only took 2 minutes. i meant the other one.

april 26
oh yeah around 8 o clock or so she responded, whcih was like a moral victory for me, that lifted my spirits.

that was huge really. makes it easier to take a break from her until may lol.

whew saw her on facebook chat a few times but she left within minutes of coming on. so that means, take a break from her tomorrow too.

what would cause her to want to avoid me like shes been doing? either she is terribly conflicted and confused, OR she is committed to NO and is scared to tell me. [the latter.]
50 50 chances hahahahaha.

ok did good on sunday of not contacting ff. no texts, no msg. so that was awesome. also thinking do same thing tomorrow for maximum results.

[yeah i was successful some days but it was SUCH a struggle and I was SO obsessed.]

april 27
yeah will do that again for max effectiveness.
f00king bitch doesnt want to be a nondegenerate, wants to f00k other dudes, ok fine. but that is very hurtful because i was/am in luv with her, so now i am entitled to be crippling depressed for a few months? 100 days?
till i go back to work and have to see her whore person every day again? yikes.
f00king whores. bane of my existence.
well got through the day.
it was doable, get thru tomorrow would be even better.

that is definitely doable too. i just dont want her to forget about me, but if she does, that is 10000000% her fault, on her.

april 28

yes i am thank you! hope your fam is doing well too! hope we can hang out in may, we have not hung out since september and that makes me sad, i hope that is not the new normal 😦 u know u can tell me anything, and even send an email if you prefer! i hope we can be close again, but i will understand if not. dont want to ruin your dinner with emotionz lol. have a nice beautiful spring day and hope to talk to you soon

OOOOOHHHHH sent her that today april 28. really digging now!
i am just sick of going around in circles.
i dont want to go around in cicles, go around in circles

anyway might not be the best message but its something.

[I was as assertive as I had every been in that above fb message. good for me standing up for myself, hahaha.]

heh. i am either trying to get her to address these topics in an email, or to hang out and get ready to talk about this sheet, and also to remind her of THE DEADLINE, and that it has been months since we hung out, actually i think it was a very powerful message! and also not too long! so good.

Yes we will get together soon
I know it’s been a while

thank u
was what she said back and then i said thank u.

so yep does not look good.
oh well, it NEVER looked good.

[she could have taken a minute like i did and wrote a few damn sentences responding to my valid concerns]

april 29
stuff i am deleting from muh facebook post

[i was now posting blog like stuff on my facebook, probably hoping that she would read my interesting writing on stuff, and want to hang out wiht me and talk about stuff like this in person, hahaha.]


I talk about this because I have been a student of Evolution for many, many years, and averages of Human Behavior, Psychology, Nature, and Nurture have always been of paramount interest to me.

big topic lately is “Women Are The Choosers”, this Natural Law Of Nature allows Women to Legit Get Away With a lot more than Men can. However, I’m not sure where the line is between stuff they can get away with, vs not. BUT the Law does give a legit reason for quite a lot, and is a “get out of jail free card.” Hypergamy for one.

basically “Women Are The Choosers” is exactly what it sounds like, what it has been for thousands of years, plain old common sense, and is directly related to uteruses and reproductive risks, costs, and capacities. you could also say “Because women CAN get preggers, therefore they are the choosers” if you wanted to make the Law autistically clear.

So any way, my research project is, study the science and the math and the statistics of, does this Law absolve women from being Accountable for Which Actions? and, even more interesting, does the indisputable Law absolve Human Women (of all races!) from making decisions that will hurt themselves in the long term? For example, hypergamy in and of itself is perfectly fine, natural, and normal, because the female costs of reproduction and child raising encourage choosing a resourceful mate, so whiny lesser beta losers should not be complaining, but rather trying to improve themselves. (without success for years until they become old kv wizards, lel. I am sypathetic to kv wizards and know how quickly one can lose their Super Valuable Youth whilst trying to “improve oneself” to reach bare minimum matewithability! Youth ends way too quickly and many men “miss the boat” and that is my target demographic)

(well my research question, are Women Absolved from being held Accountable for decisions that may hurt themselves in the long term, is CIRCULAR, NONSENSICAL, and perhaps a TAUTOLOGY: if the decision’s long term CONSEQUENCES are punishing the women, then it is IRRELEVANT if the woman holds herself accountable, becuase the CONSEQUENCES are holding her accountable; life itself is doling out the punishment, even if the recipient of said punishment is unaware of the whole process. So in other words, playing around with The Awesome Power of the Uterus WILL hold its abusers accountable for their actions. Uterus Law Enforces ITSELF. )

Another good question to ask is “good alpha” vs “bad alpha”. Good alpha would be resourceful and loyal and good for the long term. (but wouldn’t those by definition be “beta” traits? BUT I would also argue that the Best Men show a combination of alpha AND beta traits), while “bad alpha” would be charismatic enough to spill some seed and make some heirs, but be unwilling or unable to provide resources or support over the long term.(side question: is that latter truly alpha? (“it doesnt take much to make a baby, but it takes a lot to Be A Father”) absolutely YES, because he has that intial ACCESS, and is getting his heir uterusized into babbys, while nonalphas have a much higher price to pay for that Initial Access. )

Well, my initial rebuttal there is, uterus/choosing related decisions have Long Term Consequences, so Human Woman should be held accountable for that. QED.

Well in an ideal world right (“should”)? So one should study the Math of patterns of Actual Accountability and see how it differs from that ideal. Or does having a Long Term Uterus / Being a member of The Choosing Class (hehehe see what i did there) just generally lessen your need to be accountable? even in cases where it affects you directly?

well there is no human need to “Be Accountable” haha. in an ideal world only, lol. NEEDS vs WANTS bro. although in human society in fact, people find many clever ways to enforce some kind of accountability! I am more talking about Social Enforcement, including Shame, Ostracism, Gossip, Social Aggression, etc.

anyway i personally am a huge fan of accountability as a virtue and of that ideal world hahaha. AND, A Huge fan of Slut-Shaming. SO, the conclusion i am biased towards for my Scientific Academic Research Project is:

Also see above: Uterus Law Enforces Itself.


but yeah. to study patterns of micro behaviors between men and women, do some mad math, then come up with Intense Generalized Conclusions about Averages, that would be my ideal academic career, so pay for me to go to school in it, and uh make it easy to get into a good school for it, make it easy to get a good job in it. “It” being like mathy statistics of Reproductive Related Behavior across times, places, cultures, maybe even races lololololololol

but yeah i don’t think there is a lot of demand for Employees in this field, flipping houses might be the better choice if you actually want to be able to make money to take care of your growing families, lol. or fracking oil in north dakota. i concede that in the long term (100+ years) fracking might have environmental risks, but in the short term (30 years) it is permitting many people to meet their own Survival Needs.

hehe. talk about SHort Term vs Long Term Decision making Accountability! And what if the Short Term is our LIFETIMES, and the long term is several generations later.

yeah one is interested in those types of super long term trends, but not really about fracking per se. but as a continuation of those intra-lifespan mating strategy decisions described above, which is my personal Research Interest. how do those micro patterns begin to unfold on an ever more macro scale? what will things be like in 20, 50, 100 years?

also, The Collapse. some believe The Collapse will HAPPEN in less than 10 years; some, 50. imho 10 is a little soon, but not necessarily 50. so that gives you plenty of time to buy GUNS and SILVER and to make many children who will protect you when you are old and frail and the ZIONIST BANKSTERS have completely sold you out and it costs $6,000,000 to buy One Potatoe!

ok i will do edits right about here.

not just studying the math/numbers/stats of these Modern Mating Strategies, but also studying the underlying Biochemistry in the Brain, would probably be a valid Scientific Interest.

Also another way to simplify the Talking Points for Discussion with Troggies: “Sperm is ridiculously Cheap, Eggs are Ridiculously Expensive”

and studying the Quantitative Economics and Pricing and Supply and Demand there.

and getting paid like i dunno 75 grand a year to do it lolololol.

But yeah i think personal accountability is still a thing thank GOD. it just differs from individual to individual.

this is just plain old common sense, or at least one thought it was!

But slut-shaming never gets old IMHO, and also, worryingly, many modern women are anti-slut-shaming, that is, pro-being-a-slut. Pro-degeneracy if you will! That’s not good!

but really folks, my lifes mission is to help men navigate the degenerate modern world, and to improve their outcomes with jobs and with wimmin. with the end game being building stable families with lots of children. this is NOT about degenerate hedonism and pick up artist stuff. it is solely about securing the existence of our selves, and of our children. 1488 WPWW

///// end facebook

[heh thats funny that that was actually on my facebook for her to read. for how long? a week? did she read it? probably not. hahahaha. why would she want to read my rambling writing. I would have read her writing all day!]

april 30
might be done wiht that long letter finally. now i think she is blocking me from facebook! and i haven’t even texted her or messaged her since that above short message, and i am being very “good” for good boy points haha. [no she was not blocking me. that would be in another 2.5 months.]

so i guess i will continue to leave her to prove herself as “the bad guy.” still wont keep her from getting fooked by other dudes though. whore.




Yeah I am embarrassed with how I came so close, but was still dancing around saying the most important words: we need to talk NOW. this ends NOW. DO you want to go to dinner/movie/park/scenic drive on saturday yes or no. I cant take this avoiding, I really need more from you, I dont like this distance, I really feel like I’m losing you, can we please talk NOW, have an in depth talk for more than 2 minutes, oh and by the way I have something very big to tell you which has been eating me up and causing this change in my behavior.

Also, here I was very angry at her and accusing her of being a slut, promiscuous, easy. this is really unfair to her because she is not that kind of person. even now, probably. she probably remains a decent, nonslutty woman, who is not always hanging otu with guys, doesnt have a “stable” of guys she has on the hook. nope.

just because some women who have rejected me turned out to be huge sluts, doesnt mean all women who have rejected me are huge sluts. so, to be fair to her, she wasn’t slutting it up in april and chances are she’s not In The Process of becoming a Slut.

of course, its even more disappointing to be rejected by a decent non-slutty woman! that and I am naturally jealous. And I’ve dealt with sluts before. So that’s why I was raging about her being a slut. But she really isnt. Just wanted to say that, because I really dont want to SLANDER her, even now. she is still a decent person who just really disappointed me. I wasnt great either but…..

the whole thing was just really really really SAD. A beautiful relationship between two decent people that ended in a very very very veyr SAD way.

so that’s why I’ve been much more sad than angry in the wake of it. It’s hard to be angry at her if she’s not a slut and she’s still the decent person she always was. So she didnt show a ton of courage. Is it really fair to ask a person to show a TON of courage when they have family stress and they feel totally overwhelmed? of course not!

still I wish she had a shown a little courage and took 5 minutes to write me an email to say SORRY for your pain hahaha.