CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ARE FOR THE WEAK

april 11

where your job is like a constant test, and you have to study outside of work to prepare for that test. do homework for work. where your job is to FIGURE STUFF OUT but you have no idea if its right, and people are counting on you to make sure its right. you might be able to slap some shit together and bullshit about it, but how do you make sure its right???!!! you’d feel a lot more comfortable having a Higher Up check your work, approve it, sign off…..but there’s no time to do that.

i should have taken more valium on the job and tried to stop worrying so much.

even though i exercise a lot NOW, I still worry about THAT job too much!!!!! im not even there and i worry about it!!!

prob because I worry about being sucked into a similar job. like this help desk job that the recruiter is offering me right now. did it have to be help desk. aka service desk. aka technical support. aka CALL CENTER.

some tech people arent expected to resolve shit. they just ROUTE shit, transfer shit. there is actually a tier 0. wow. well, our tier 1 was more harcore than some companies tier 2. our tier 1 would try to resolve shit that in other companies would have gotten escalated 20 minutes ago.

other companies say, its a POLICY: go ahead and escalate if you can’t resolve this within 20 minutes.

i cant believe im still thinking about this!!!! it doesnt even concern me any more!

but i am legit worried abotu having to go BACK to such a job.

and i hate that SHE handles the job, I can’t handle the job, and she didnt say A SINGLE WORD to me when I left the job.

yep gonna have to discuss these things with the shrink tomorrow. and def what i should do about the potential upcoming help desk job.

its like taking a class where there is no instructor and there are no lessons, only tests. no textbook either. and whatever useful information you can find, is very difficult to find, and you dont know which information is useful and which is not, because you have no frame of reference. you do stuff in the documentation until a higher up says dont do that, the documentation’s wrong. well what DO I do then? sometimes you have to ask them that because htey wont tell you, and unless you’re working on that project right now, you’ll forget to ask.

ok, dont do this….then what DO i DO? the person is waiting on hold for me to DO SOMETHING!!!!! and i have no idea what to do!!!! should I just do something technical and bullshit about it? like run the Company Field Setup Script Program and be like yeah it just needs to set itself up again. yep pretty much. oh reboot your main computer that will fix it every time. memory issues. ntfs errors. cant be fixed. corrupt install. its not talking to the database. gotta rip it out and reinstall it, thatll fix it.

these “solutions” address incidents aka issues, but do nothign about PROBLEMS. they completely ignore root cause altogether. we needed a LOT more emphasis on Root Cause Analysis. and that needed to be written into the articles.

valentinas hot sauce from guadalajara mexico. its not fancy, there is probably lead in it. but it tastes real good. not expensive either, like 2 bucks a bottle.

ok its monday better start sending out the resumes. try to do at least 5 or 6. its amazing i have not gotten called for any interviews yet hahahaha. i will be very ready to go to gym at like 7 pm tonight.

Lathe Operator rejected for this position within 30 minutes to an hour. so many people work as Machinists and Machine Operators but these are the ones that reject me the quickest. well i respect their professionalism and expediency in rejecting me hahahahaha.

i might have been a pretty good Machine Operator hahaha. apparently they teach this in some high schools. so you can get out of HIGH SCHOOL and immediately start making 15 DAH at age 18 as a Full Time Machinist. Wow i can even imagine that world. that normie world. kind of like being in a real relationship with a woman for more than 3 months ahahahaha. where you hang out and cuddle regularly and they talk to you when they dump you and try to dump you nicely hahahaha.

ok mother fooker, got in 11 applications today, thats good enough hahahahahahahahahahahaha

you should have seen the 110+ questions I got from this other hospital system. there was ridiculous personality stuff but also just weird stuff that i couldnt decipher, but probably measured how much you need your HAND HELD and how many MISTAKES you make. basically, do it FAST, do it RIGHT, do it without HELP, and if you like clear instructions…..you are not a team player.

CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS ARE FOR THE WEAK.

also dont BUG your coworkers and especially your MANAGER with questions.

ASKING QUESTIONS IS FOR THE WEAK. ASKING QUESTIONS IS HAND HOLDING.

but work FAST on MULTIPLE tasks at the same time and dont make MISTAKES. you should have PLANNED better and not made those mistakes, without asking for help or clear instructions. just do the shit. show initiative and GET YOUR OWN TRAINING if you think you need training.

how can SHE do all this but I cant? how can normies do all this but I can’t???!?!?!?!?!

why dont the same hr experts who write these bullshit tests also write bullshit books for the perplexed job seekers that dont know how to do these things?

how do normies do their jobs? I wish I were as SMART and TOUGH as a NORMIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wasnt taking the questionnaire seriously at all. maybe they can tell I was FAKING. hahaha

if i were an attractive young woman like her, i wouldnt have any problem getting a job hahahaha.

show me some SYMPATHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

show me ANYTHING!!!!!

yeah i am kinda angry at her because I would have never even gotten that stupid job without her input hahaha. show show a little CONCERN for me when I QUIT the job. show a little concern for me when you QUIT Me.

now I never said that my quitting of the job was related to her. I was unclear about that, to her. I felt it would be Classless to say “I did this because of you.” so I of course never said that. that would be bad. that would look like i was blaming her. she didnt care if I thought she was blaming me!!!!! while I wanted to be CAREFUL to not BLAME her for anything. to her stupid idiot whorish face i mean. shit yeah it was her fault I quit the job hahaha. but i knew it would be immature and not entirely true to blame her. so i didnt. I just was circumspect and said yeah I am having some personal issues here and had to take a leave of absence. that would be a perfect time for her to respond and express some concern, but noooooooooooooooooo. she was THAT offended that I could POSSIBLY get horrible awful FEELINGS for her!!!!!!

well i wanted to get out of the job of course. but not like this! not like this!

hospitals will not even let you use Nicotene Gum. its a Nicotene product. not eligible for hire if you are chewing Nico Gum or using a Vape to try to Quit Smoking. Nope. Not good enough.

I mean yeah I could even pass a nicotene test. I would just worry about the desire to start Smoking more once getting a Job. Then you take Smoke Breaks of course hahahaha. at my previous job people would prob just quit the job if it became a nicotene free workplace. it was a very pro smoking environment hahahah. the work made people want to smoke like chimneys. oh god that was a horrible time, i need a cig after that one!!!!!!!

I tried to smoke no more than 3 or 4 cigs throughout the work day.

http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10000872396390444812704577609413668058818

some bullshit about job personality tests bullshit

everything is bullshit hahahaha

jobs, women, the bullshit women you have bullshit children and create bullshit families with, its all bullshit hahahahaha

they say theres no such thing as dumb questions and that its a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it……

…..but ALL JOBS view asking for help as a sign of weakness and stupidity. this is probably why people hate to ask for help. because their jobs brainwash them into thinking asking for help is BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

shit I wish I had saved a copy of these stupidass test questions. they really were measuring how you solve unclear problems without asking for help and without making mistakes. several at once. and quickly.

why dont they teach this in school? they really dont. I thought schools were supposed to produce good little worker bees making just the bare minimum so that they didnt riot. their jobs are their bread and circus. but nooooooo.

so yeah i am angry. she has no impact. no consequences. her life gets better and better. my life gets worse and worse. she doesnt care about any of this. she had no emotional investment. i mean nothing to her. she could just cut me out of her life SO EASILY. I didnt MATTER to her AT ALL.

that does not sound like the person I came to know and love! she was so kind and nice and good and nice! At that time, she was one of the NICEST people i’d ever met! I liked having a young woman be SUPER NICE to me. I like it when people are genuinely nice to me. and she was genuinely nice.

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!!! hahahaha.

it would have been easier if she were just a disgusting whore. at least that I have prepared for. I have conceived of it. well she probably is in the process of BECOMING a disgusting whore.  who BECOMES a whore at age 24/25? .01% of women. like her hahahaha. i do pick unique women. they are horrible in very different unique ways hahaha.

UNIQUELY HORRIBLE hahaha.

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!!!!!!

but she’s not REALLY a “BITCH”……….

yeah well fook you. maybe not but she was really bitchY to me, when it REALLY MATTERED.

its so fookin stupid. here i am at bla bla years old, cant handle the stuff that happens in LIFE.  LIFE@!!!!!!

god damn dumb bitch. you just dont do this to people. we had an important friendship or relationship, whether you want to admit it or not.

fook. it was like trying to find waldo……but you don’t know what waldo looks like.  day in day out. and you dont get any better at finding waldo. actually finding waldo is EASY. doing what we did was COMPLICATED. finding waldo is not COMPLICATED or CONFUSING. you just simply find the needle in the haystack. you know what the needle looks like. you know what the haystack looks like. imagine finding a needle in a haystack where what the needle and the haystack looks like keeps changing.

april 12

damn. rejection letter from credit union records representative job. looked like a great job with no excessive customer facing, and some precise tasks that probably had semi clear instructions hahaha. i wasnt hopeful, but….I felt like the job might be the closest thing to a “GOOD FIT” for a person like me.

come on mother fookers. i have about TWO HUNDRED college credits. hahahahaha. I am almost THREE TIMES as educated as SHE was hahahaha.

MUSIC IS FOR PHAGGOTS.  Real Men have too much stress in their lives to enjoy degenerate shit made by degenerate hedonist bipolar drunkards. more accurately, how can you Enjoy Music when you have much more Important, Big, Stressful, Adult Responsibilities to worry about?

I mean it seems like a soft, fluffy, bourgeois luxury. It seems IMMATURE. people who have REAL lives and REAL jobs and REAL RESPONSIBILITIES cant afford to WASTE their brains on MUSIC. It seems immature and degenerate, like MJ. youre wasting your brain and taking the low road.

I can see thinking this about MJ, but it seems SAD to think that about MUSIC! What’s WRONG with Music ?!?!?!?!?!

Well I would agree its not as inherently bad as MJ. but there are a lot of risks. you dont want to listen to degenerate shit like I did, like so many people do.  90% of music is degenerate and not worth listening to.

I thought it was COOL how SHE listened to a lot of MUSIC, music was a big common point with us. She really liked music, I really liked music, or at least USED to, and I knew enough about the music she listened to, to talk to her about music for hours. and she was interested in long geeky conversations about music. It was something we really bonded over.

Of course, she didn’t know shit about the trve kvlt black metal and a lot of the metal I enjoy(ed), but that doesnt matter, she’s a woman, I don’t expect or really WANT a woman to be into metal. big red flag there. when I was young I thought it would be cool to find a gurl who likes metal. now I realize it would be horrible!

anyway she would listen to music all day at the job because she was allowed to because she didnt have a phone job. I was jealous of all these people who listened to music all day and didnt have to answer phone calls all day. god damn soft music listeners.

then when I got moved to a non phone job, and had the chance to listen to music all day myself…..I couldnt do it. I was so worried about screwing up, that I felt music would be a huge distraction, and it would make me screw up.

when really it might have calmed me down. Made me worry less. soothed the savage beast. helped me go with the flow. and maybe that was what SHE got out of listening to music on the job. that if she didnt, she would be a basket case like me.

but I just couldnt “SURRENDER” to the music like that.

also the situation with HER was causing me worry and stress too. without that, I prob would have just llistened to music and done a non-perfectionist normie job.

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH! hahahaha.

getting into the hateful angry phase now haha.

degen music. lately I have been interested in type o negative. because I was a big fan when I was a young degen. So now I come back to those albums, and also check out the albums I missed: world coming down, and dead again. not really interested in life is killing me. gonna skip that one.

there are some great songs here, but again my mind is divided. I am too worried about other shit to really FOCUS on and GET INTO the music. For example, there is a ridic good Riff in the middle of the title song “world coming down”.  Catchy and black sabbathy, not really a “goth” part, but TON had plenty of Slow Sabbathy riffs as well, and this is one of them.

I really enjoy the riff and thankfully its repeated a lot, but its STILL not enough to get my mind off more important shit. like jobs and being an adult hahahaha. which is legit important!!!!

but when I have had a semi productive day, doing 11 job apps, then I’m in the Gym and just want to burn 1000 calories and try to enjoy some music…..then I would like to Shift Gears!

its kind of like how I could never leave the work mindset at work. always brought it home by worrying about it. studying it. obsessively. waking up in the middle of the night, thoughts racing about work confusion.

i didnt have ANY of this with my job before that!!!!!

shit i wish i had never left it.  then I would have had a better chance of getting the higher up job that opened up there like 9 months after I left. which I interviewed for, had a good chance at…..but did not get. lost out to a guy who still worked there. so if i still worked there, maybe I would have gotten it.

then when the shit hit the fan, I reapplied for my old job and wrote manager an email, but they never responded. probably because they know that I am too old to be working such a job, and that I stayed too long the first time! so giving me the job is ENABLING me in not moving forward with my life!

well, it’s better than being completed UNEMPLOYED, and it was better than the other job. but the other job was more serious. more of an adult real job. well fook it. i couldnt handle it.

yet SHE can!!!! BITCH!!! BTICH!!!!

I HATE being WEAKER than HER!!!!

she is TOUGHER and STRONGER than me, and doesnt HAVE to show the weak piece of shit any kindess or sympathy and luv! the weak don’t DESERVE luv from the the strong!!!!!

strong men also cry lebowski hahahahahaha.

multitasking. you better have at LEAST TEN browser tabs AND TEN documents open at all times.

yeah I would have about 12 browser tabs open: intranet, case notes, a second case notes, knowledge base, main employee homepage, employee lookup tool, this other tool, another tool.

about 5 excel sheets in there.

a couple pdfs.

a couple of text files.

hehehehe even NOW I have like 10 text files open at all times::

what to say during the interview

job search notes (places applied, brief cover letters, ideas, addresses, references, etc)

cover letter april 2016

resume april 2016

unofficial undergrad transcript

questionnaire for prospective wife

positive affirmations about self

user names

general post it notes overflow (computer desktop sticky notes)

passwords hahahaha

ok some of those i dont really need open at all times. i admit it. im a fraud hahahaha. i could close some of them which I havent used in weeks.

but on the job, you NEVER know when you are gonna get a call and need one of those files. best to have it open. unless it really slows your computer down. because even though RAM is cheap…..it still costs money. gotta trim the fat goy.

shit I will buy my own RAM if it speeds up the shitty work computer. just like I buy my own pens and post it notes and notecards and notepads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well you can do that but you cant put anything into the computers goy

when you END a relationship, try to do it in a way that you can be not angry or ashamed about it in the long term.

maybe she feels terrible guilt, and she will express that by being a whore.

express it by being super nice to the NEXT guy and making him a lucky man hahaha.

be super nice to shitty men, and be super shitty to nice, good men.

well she used to be super nice to me, and I was a nice decent guy. that was nice.

it was like we had something SPECIAL. hahahaha.

when you have something SPECIAL, you dont throw it away like garbage. you are sorta sad when it ends.

REJECTED from data entry specialist / admin asst job. second rej letter of the day hahahaha.

ITS SO HARD NOT TO BE A JOB HOPPER!!!!!

I just saw a warehouse posting that said “THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF COMPANY WHICH HIRES JOB HOPPERS. You MUST have 2 years of recent experience and be able to provide letters of recommendation from managers” hahahaha.

its so hard NOT to be a job hopper!!!!!

ok got my 10 jobs in today. 3 were at the same place hahaha a large health care org.

the best revenge is to live well. so now i feel like i COMPETING against her to live a better life, IE have a better job and make more money than her. And I feel THATS a losing battle too. I can’t have HER, and I can’t have as much success and money as she has.

she is not some kind of Lean In Leader Bosslady with wharton mba either. no ivanka trump hahaha. She is not getting Phds or Masters degrees like some other bitches I pseudodated. She is an MJ smoking, sort of white trash, wrong side of the tracks, fatherless, passive, quiet, introverted, shy, and I have literally 3 times as much college as her hahahaha. she is terrible at problem solving, and communication, and making decisions, and being a leader. yet she can brutally reject me, AND live a better life than me. damn. i hate that.

SHE JOB HOPPED TOO!!!!!!!!!! SHE QUIT JOBS SHE DIDNT LIKE!!!!! she went crazy and quit jobs!!!!! just walked away!!!!!! but not sure if she ever did that after age 20 hahahaha.

i did it at age 23, then again at age 30+. got a DUI at age 26. was unemployed for much of age 24 and 25. which is the age she is now hahahaha.

this is the textbook definition of wasting your 20’s hahaha. I would have liked to be married and have at least 1 kid by now!!!!

well she will be getting her layoff soon. so she will either use the time to simply find a new and better job; and move up up up; its so simple and easy for other people but not me, when you have emotional problems and a 9 month gap and a job hopper and just huge red flags. i have huge red flags but not her.  I really was a VERY GOOD employee at my last 2 jobs. I went crazy at my job but I did VERY GOOD at it.

BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!!!

no im not gonna DO anything crazy or stupid or psycho. I am just calling her a BITCH! BITCH! BITCH!!!! I might not be entitled to much, but I AM entitled to that!!!!!!!

I may not be entitled to much of anything……but I am entitled to THAT.

trying to fit that into meat loaf song hahahahahahahahahhahaha

wawawawawawaw she might even get that joke because she knows enough music to know that meat loaf song. most women her age wouldnt wawawawawawawa. i would make awesome jokes all the time that went WAY over their heads. like with the bitch that became a successful phd professor. she didnt get my jokes AT ALL.

well it IS hard to make jokes that arent bitter and hateful against women hahahaha but I still have a few.

bitches give away HUGS promiscuously, they give away their CVNT promiscuously, etc, its all the same. just give their bodies away to anyone. thats why i dont like women who are always hugging everyone. might be a indicator of a slut. not always but sometimes. wawawaawawawawawaw she was not a big hugger of everyone, she hugged very exclusively, she even only hugged me just a few times but oh lord how I longed to cuddle with her!!!!!!!!!

I have been a lot more productive, which is good…..but i havent been any less hateful against HER. like oh she has a good job and she handles her job and SHE makes 15 DAH and I make 0 DAH etc. and she can throw me away AND be more successful than me, but I am 3 times more educated than her, I have actually a lot more job experience than her, and better traits than her in communication and brains, but she is WAYYYYY more successful than me. in an ideal world men wouldnt even be competing against WOMEN for money and jobs. its so unnatural and wrong. only in such a degenerate Jooified world is something this degenerate and morally reprehensible possible!

Men should be Making Families with Women, not competing against them for MONEY! SHEKELS!!!!!!!!!!

gee GOY I wonder who could be behind this??!?!?!?!

WATCHA DOIN, RABBI??!?!?!?!?!

Hey I have been virulently counter-semitic since 2012 at the latest, it has nothign to do with being totally rejected by HER.

if anything, it had more to do with the rejection from the previous woman, where I said fook it, I dont care about not looking racist any more.

overall, that was a MUCH less painful and destructive rejection. a much, much BETTER rejection. i am not angry or hateful over her, in fact I am probably actually OVER her COMPLETELY, 4 years post rejection.

WOW THAT WAS 4 YEARS AGO??!?!?!?! well almost. 3.5 right now.

yes that was a much better rejection. she handled it very well, very maturely. she SPOILED me hahaha. i dont hate her, not angry at her, totally over her, i dont even care that she is a successful health care admin making 70 grand a year minimum with her masterz degree. good for her hahahaha. maybe her lesbian wife can stay at home and raise the kids hahahaha.

but I am angry when women who reject me outperform me career wise. I get over that anger in the long term but in the short term it sucks. like urrgggg that idiot is making so much money and respect than me! they dont deserve it!

in her case she really doesnt. to her credit shes not a total moron and she is a decent worker. but im not gonna give her any CREDIT, she didnt give ME any credit!!!!!!

yeah the company sucked and set everybody up for failure, you had to fight tooth and nail like I did to get anywhere. she doesnt have that Aggressive nature. not that I wanted her to be aggressive. I liked her to be sweet and gentle. I mean I am sweet and gentle too, but I was OBSESSED when it came to learning that stupid job. she was not nearly as obsessed. she didnt have piles of flashcards and pages of notes and she didnt study after hours.

shrink suggested she was very good at COMPARTMENTALIZING. leaving the work stuff at work. but she also Compartmentalized ME, and that did not feel good to me. nobody puts baby in a corner. just put me away in my box on the shelf. along with the work stuff. we used to be outside of work friends. really love being downgraded, demoted.

if youre gonna do that to me, at least talk to me about it. have enough respect and courage to appreciate that the person is gonna be upset, and that YOU are the cause of that.

i mean dumping isnt inherently bad, but it IS gonna hurt the dumpee, and the dumper CAN handle it bad.

also, abandoning somebody without a word IS inherently bad.

woman2012 handed the dumping like a CHAMP. woman2015 handled the dumping abysmally horribly.

dumping is not inherently bad, but it IS ALWAYS PAINFUL, and ABANDONING someone IS inherently bad.

what a great lesson. never could have told you that without going thru this hahahahaha.

i am being sarcastic hahaha.

HOLY SHIT I just got an email from the main mutual friend I had with THAT WOMAN. I hadn’t talked to mutual friend in ages but I was using them as a reference lately, PERHAPS in some subconscious effort to provoke THEM to contact ME< which they did, and I gave a “brief” version of the story. the mutual friend noted unprompted that she does not see that person at all any more, that she may “have a new group of friends.” this is not confirmed, and might just be the mutual friend being upset about being abandoned hahahaha. not confirmed that That Woman abandoned the mutual friend………but I wouldnt be surprised.

 

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