TOUGH ENOUGH TO MAKE 24 DOLLARS AN HOUR

apr 4

OY VEY. I had an IT Recruiter call me about a Help Desk Position with a company that many people left my old company to be Help Desk people with this other company.  The recruiter told me a rather nice starting wage and mentioned something about 3 MONTHS of training…..really??? “so they are not gonna throw you to the wolves.” “thats good” i said. you know how I feel about training! the more the better, and most companies dont do any!

BUt I was so conflicted about another damn CALL CENTER position that I sent an email Being Honest about my Reservations about Call Centers and how that was not a good environment for me. I completed the online tests, complete with 34 question Technology/IT test; and the classic Sample Call Center, CRM, choose the best answer test; and a pretty good actually Call Center How To Phrase Things Test. what should you do or say in this situation. and i think i did pretty good at that. I new exactly what they were getting at. not because I was trained, but because I picked shit up myself pretty good. but I didnt’ like it! the CONSTANT NERVOUSNESS is something I don’t want to experience again, and I think that came from being In A Call Center, where your job is to TAKE CALLS, and it could be about ANYTHING, and the person could be chill, or not.

Its like Call Centers, specifically Technical Support Call Centers, are the Factories of the Current Year, that is, a place where an unskilled College Dropout can get a 15+ DAHJ and afford to be a grownup, maybe have kids.

SUCH a price you must pay! because it is an absolutely insane environment that still gives me the chills ahahaha. waiting for the phone to ring, answering the phone, being nervous all the time, if you weren’t so nervous, maybe you could think smoother, and you need to think fast and sound confident at all times, and always be doing weird ass complicated stuff. the stuff in the simulator test was only 1% as complicated and technical. and then struggle with shit for 20 minutes, an hour, some calls even last 3 hours. you just want someone to jump in and help you, work along side you, but they give you the worst help ever: a chat room where they say do this. what happened. ok now do this. what happened. you are dying for them to ESCALATE, save me from this!!!! I can’t fix this! HELP MEEEEE!!!!!! I’m drowning!!! but they dont want to escalate because there’s already too many cases in escalation and not enough experienced people to fix them, and also callers don’t really like escalation because they want the shit fixed NOW, not in 72 hours.

maybe this place would be better. it actually paid MORE and it gave MORE training. so maybe I should have said hell yeah sign me up.

Well, I did my tests, answered some questions from them about the exact stuff I used, updated the res.

If i had a lot of god damn CONFIDENCE I would have said SHIT YEAH sign me up for this bigboy money!

but i have no confidence. but I will have no confidence for ANY job.

but I REALLY have no confidence for a god damn tech support call center, which people call HELP DESK. the recruiter never used the word “CALL CENTER” but I knew it was. I had heard of the place. And it probably is better than my old place. or is it? all I know is it deals with health care and your callers are doctors and nurses and shit. hahahaha so I would be troubleshooting the god damn EPIC software. Make it do this. rebuild the intersystems cache database, my patient is DYING!1!!!!! what do I tell the patient? i don’t care, let them DIE, you figure it out. The software is WORKING AS INTENDED. well it sucks. yes i know it sucks. yeah let me forward your suggestion to the development team. NO there will be no followup, because i’m lying to you, we’re not really sending anything to the development team. They just don’t take suggestions. I mean they don’t even throw suggestions away. That’s what I do. You tell me your suggestion for them and I’ll throw it away, becuase they wont even let me send it to them. I dont know HOW to send it to them.

now, because THAT BITCH has no problem working in a call center, she could go there and make even more money.

oh shit, this is my chance to outshine THAT BITCH, so I could make more money than HER and be more successful than HER. I should have thought of that before I told them, “THANK YOU, but I do not do well in call centers hurrrr durrrr”

I completed all my tests they registered me for and requested MOAR TESTS for anything they could place me into somethign that’s not a CALL CENTER.

but yeah it would be nice to make more money than THAT BITCH and not have my life destroyed by her any more.

but DOES IT HAVE TO BE A CALL CENTER?

DID IT HAVE TO BE SNAKES?

sitting there in a tiny cubicle, the god damn headset, the god damn metrics, all the other losers like you talking on their headsets, frowning and going crazy, drowning. the nonstop ringing, the phone program that tells you exactly how many calls are waiting, the little popup that says “QUEUE HAS EXCEEDED ITS SERVICE LEVEL!!!!” meaning you have too many calls holding, and the goal was for them to understaff the place just enough so that bubble would always pop up. you don’t want too many people sitting around NOT ANSWERING CALLS for 15 DAH. Yeah it sounds like a good deal………but it’s just a living hell. MAYBE 20 DAH. at LEAST. no this new place was not paying that.

some people are better at it than others. some people dont mind it as much. she was one. I wasnt. although my technical skills were way better. doesn’t matter. in the end, your People Skills and your Keep Calm and Carry on Skills are MORE important than your technical skills.

maybe if i were trained at a young age in Help Desk work. like in grade school. so that I could do it in my sleep now. but i wasnt hahahaha.

THERE ARENT ANY JOBS THAT ARENT IN CALL CENTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heh. i wonder how the factory workers of the 50s and 60s and 70s would have fared in the call centers of today.

will I REGRET turning down this Opportunity? maybe. hahahaha. but just THINKING of a call center makes me sick. so I can’t be TOO angry at myself for saying, ya know, I have very cold feet on Call Centers. I can talk on the phone, I can service customers, I can take some calls, I can make calls, I can make decisions and think quickly…..but call center is a bridge too far. because it’s taking the worst of all worlds and pushing them to their extremes. it is like getting skullfooked and mindfooked all day, then going home and studying because you feel like every day is an 8-hour EXAM you’re never prepared for.

you dont simply click one button in the CRM and get all the information. or click one button and get company policy. you have to DIG through 90000000 different sources to find something approximate that may or may not help you. you just dont know enough if it will. you feel like dr nick riviera performing brain surgery in front of the worlds best brain surgeons.  you look and feel like a fraud at all times.

well this si true of ALL jobs, not just call centers hahaha. I wish skool had prepared me for this. I thought skool was supposed to churn out good little unthinking worker bees, cogs in the machine. well its super fookin HARD to be a cog in the Help Desk machine.

well its done. I had to make a decision and then sent an uncomfortable email. I said thank you and please give me more tests and I took the tests you want and did ok on them, but call centers are not a good fit, i could do data entry or assist a sysadmin (i dunno, I DONT KNOW WHAT I DONT KNOW, you would know better than me what kind of jobs YOU are getting requests for, but why don’t you just make me GUESS about the details that are relevant to YOUR job), but call centers nope.

I guess if I get more confidence by age 39, I can always apply directly to that place. they are always hiring. tons of 17 DAH Jobs always for the taking!

Just shows you how bad people hate call centers hahaha. it’s EASY to get a 17 DAH in one, while it’s IMPOSSIBLE to get an 11 DAH job anywhere else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I say age 39 because at 40 and above you are DONE. UNHIRABLE. might as well use the SMITH AND WESSON RETIREMENT PLAN (aaron clarey, the “technical J”. He’s ok but too hedonistic, nihilistic, degenerate, and mgtow for me atm.)

is RIDING THE TIGER the same thing as ENJOYING THE DECLINE?

IMHO, NO ITS NOT. because you’re not necessarily enjoying riding the tiger. you just do it to survive. but you dont say DAMN THIS KALI YUGA IS SWEET!!!!!! you say, dear god give me strength to ride this tiger as long as it is kicking, because I really want to make it OUT of this shitty kali yuga!!!!!

i could do the simulation call center activities! in fact i wish there was more advanced stuff like that! but the toughest simulation is easier than the easiest call! it’s not a good indicator at all. yet RECRUITERS use these tests to get people JOBS. what bullshit recruiting is!

I took this other personality test called the Acumax Index Survey.  You get a page with about 50 adjectives on it, 50 checkboxes. it asks you to check the boxes for all of these you think OTHER people PERCEIVE you as.

then you get the same 50 adjectives again, this time you pick the ones you see YOURSELF as. I picked the same ones. making myself seem like a normie.

the company seems like a bullshit scam and I cant believe theyre in business. recruiting and HR. what BULLSHIT. and this is what WOMEN work in.

i mean the acumax company. and the companies who USE it are fookin SUCKERS getting scammed by a test that tells you nothing. “it has covert items which measure how the respondent is WIRED in their brain” says the CEO. YEP. wow. This guy is probably great at BULLSHITTING, he’s built his life on his bullshit. but his bullshit is so shitty, i dont know how he sleeps at night. in a fooking mansion in a safe neighborhood with a beautiful 20 year old wife.

apr 5

you didnt have to luv me back. i just wanted you to care about what happens to me. care that I was having a tuff time. care that I was having a problem WITH YOU. care about what I am doing with my life hahaha. Care that I suddenly left the gd JOB.  care about my life and my pain and.

but because it so closely involved HER and she didnt want it to involve HER, she just ignored it.

how is this so hard to get through my head hahahaha. people ignore and avoid difficult conversations.

asking why to every response is a great way to learn about shit.

but isn’t WHY just an explanation? and arent EXPLANATIONS ARE FOR COWARDS? realy youre just asking the same thing as the client/caller/customer. explanations arent always for cowards. most times theyre for genuinely concerned or interested people who want to know why things work. or they can at least give some sort of credible excuse to the person whos angry or disappointed.

ITS NOT AN EXCUSE, ITS AN EXPLANATION!!!!!

how come they dont teach any of this in school??!?!?! also customer service 101 book doesnt teach it.

the stuff that is MOST useful on the job – NOT the technical skills, but the customer handling skills, like how to give bad news, how to bullshit, how to explain when you don’t understand, how to stretch the truth, how to cover your ass, how to cut corners, none of this is taught or spelled out. probably because its the Dirty Big Secret, and either you accept it and figure it out….or you don’t. because why would the higher ups want to ADMIT to these negative sounding things. plausible deniability. they don’t want to admit that what theyre doing is BULLSHITTING and cutting corners and making up excuses and giving people the runaround. but they do these things because…..thats what you gotta do to survive. but no ones gonna teach you.

unless you can get ahold of a trusted person outside of work over Dranks and get them to tell you the Truth. this is totally doable. this is your best bet.

and also writing your own bullshit phrases on your off time and practicing them.

http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-World-Survival-Guide-Technician-ebook/dp/B004NNVDQA/ref=sr_1_3?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1459867148&sr=1-3&keywords=technical+support+jobs

i looked for books which the perplexed help desk level 1 lost soul might actually learn something from, and this is the best thing i’ve seen. i wish they had real books about this and not self-published kindle books, but the sample chapters prove a very high quality and very good theme. like how to actually survive in the trenches with the reality of the job.

how does this have NO reviews? I have jsut read 2 pages and while I’m sure the book isn’t perfect, I am wanting to give it 5 stars for even coming CLOSE.

is there a pill which strips you of ALL emotions, including fear and anxiety?  be able to approach the toughest situations with tough people and just NOT CARE? not get flustered?

“I apologize, but I just don’t have an answer for that”, is one of this guy (steffy) responses. And he seems like a pretty smart guy.

its just frustrating. that a very large field where you actually can make a living, there are no resources for learning the nitty gritty of the job. words of wisdom from experienced mentors. i’m not saying they have to be at your workplace. i’m just saying they should exist and write books. also eli the computer guy on youtube is another good one. i dont care if he’s a J. the poor level 1’s need all the help they can GET. also it’s helpful to take that sneaking J’ish approach sometimes.  doubletalk and misdirection.

i dont care about the interview and getting the job. help desk is about the only job where its EASY to get the job. they hire anyone becuase they know most people wont last.

the people who do last can sometimes actually make a good living. like that BITCH. how does she survive? doesnt she CARE that I didnt survive? show some grief for your fallen comrade in the trenches!! remember when your BF helped you when you were starting out? what if he dumped you right then and there?

heh there really should be a help desk boot camp. at least 8 weeks where you are trained on those “soft” skills which are really the hardest of all. how to explain this shit. how to figure this out on your own. how to actually DO your job.

no dont just read the knowledge base article. it SUCKS and YOU KNOW IT.  this is a complicated problem and i dont know what to do. what do I DO. ok, thanks for telling me I have to uninstall the antivirus. but what do i DO NEXT? that’s the resolution? just live without an antivirus? doesn’t our company mandate you must use bla bla antivirus? and you couldn’t even buy another one if you could? who’s gonna pay for the new antivirus? how do you explain to their manager that he has to pay for another antivirus because for unknown reasons, the company antivirus doesnt work at this locations computers? i dont know why. you just gotta pay.

like i say, these are not easy questions you need to figure out. how do you convince that manager to pay money because something that should work, does work in 99% of locations, does not work in his, and you’re not going to fix that, but just tell him to buy another one. isn’t there a deeper problem here? and what if that doesnt work?

uhhhh good questions. that would be better for a level 2 or 3, but you’re not gonna talk to them.

i want her to get slammed with so many ridiculous why why why why explain this explain that questions that she damn quits.

heh. no help for the helpers. just give me a book by a veteran of the field because the people at my job dont help me, and i can’t figure everything out on my own. give me some kind of words of wisdom please. train me. HELP ME.

well what do you need help in?

EVERYTHING!!!!!

hehehe maybe its a good thing I said no to that help desk job.

but it would have been a concrete way to prove i am BETTER than THAT BITCH!!! therefore allow me to get over her once and for all hahahaha.

wheres the help desk FOR the help desk? (its SUPPOSED to be level 2 and 3 etc, but they mostly suck.) wheres the tech support FOR the tech support?

so you find the nice, helpful, non sucky level 2s and suck them off. or the more experienced level 1’s who really know what they are doing. I latched on to a few and I was gradually BECOMING one, and then BOOM. shit hit the fan.

that fooking bitch hahahaha.

well she’s latching on to a few of her own, maybe she’s fooking them as well, the whore. she fooks them, takes it up the ass, takes it ass to mouth, and in return she gets help when she really needs it.  fooking disgusting whore.

no she doesnt do that. she probably just blows them in the parking lot and gets jizz on her pretty face and hair.

hahaha not too long ago she would think of blowing someone in a parking lot is absolutely disgusting, slutty, something she would never do.

i dunno i have no proof of any of this.

the average american makes TWENTY FOUR DOLLARS AN HOUR ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!

I would LOVE to be average! where are the books and mentors for the people to be tough and make tough decisions and bullshit their clients to such a level that they make THAT much money?

i wasn’t TOUGH enough to make 15 DAH!!!!!!

how am I gonna be tough enough to make 24 dollars an hour?

average people are!!!

fookin average normies. reeeeeeee normies get out. this is no place for NORMIES.

ok. there are other books for like police officers and emt’s, and people who have to be cool under pressure and face the unexpected.

funny that i was making more as a help desk level 1, than a god damn entry level EMT. this is fooking sad. i couldn’t even become an EMT right now, you need schooling and license which i dont have. I would have to take like 60 credits I dont have.  just to make LESS money than I was making. which is sad. these people are saving peoples LIVES every day!!!!

hehehe and THAT BITCH will do well in the field and become a manager making 50 DAH because she is good at rejecting people. or, rather, rejecting people without conscience.

but she doesnt even have to talk to them on the phone, she just livechats. says no this cant be fixed goodbye.

and she couldnt even write ONE TEXT to me saying sorry I dont want to know you any more goodbye.

hahaha. actually i would have follow up questions, same as now: do you hate me? did i do something wrong? can i fix this? pleaseeeeeee i beg youuuuuuu i’ll changeeeeeeeee. please give me another chance. do you care about me as a human being. do you care that my heart is broken?

so most people aren’t cut out for the MILITARY, but the military supposedly gives you good character building skills, for being cool under pressure. and leadership. getting the job done. accountability. yet military people are having trouble getting jobs?

hey just get a job in a CALL CENTER! getting the job is EASY! even I can do it!!!

we had PLENTY of ex military people. shit I can think of at least 5 right off the top of my head. army, marines, air force, you name it, we had em. and these people were very good performers, great people skills, did not get flustered.

WAAAAAA! I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME!!! I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME!!!!!!

that CVNT!!! If I cant make a living, she shouldnt be able to make a living!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bitch!!!!!!!!!!

i am WAY smarter and a WAY better PERSON and WAY more MORAL than she is!!!!! i deserve to do better than her in life!!!! not WAY worse!!!!!! bitch!!!!! hahahaha

ok here’s the dsability bullshit again, this time from mckesson health bullshit:

VOLUNTARY SELF-IDENTIFICATION OF DISABILITY Form CC-305
OMB Control Number 1250-0005
Expires 1/31/2017
Why are you being asked to complete this form?
Because we do business with the government, we must reach out to, hire, and provide equal opportunity to qualified people with disabilitiesi. To help us measure how well we are doing, we are asking you to tell us if you have a disability or if you ever had a disability. Completing this form is voluntary, but we hope that you will choose to fill it out. If you are applying for a job, any answer you give will be kept private and will not be used against you in any way.

If you already work for us, your answer will not be used against you in any way. Because a person may become disabled at any time, we are required to ask all of our employees to update their information every five years. You may voluntarily self-identify as having a disability on this form without fear of any punishment because you did not identify as having a disability earlier.

How do I know if I have a disability?
You are considered to have a disability if you have a physical or mental impairment or medical condition that substantially limits a major life activity, or if you have a history or record of such an impairment or medical condition.

Disabilities include, but are not limited to:
Blindness
Deafness
Cancer
Diabetes
Epilepsy
Autism
Cerebral palsy
HIV/AIDS
Schizophrenia
Muscular dystrophy
Bipolar disorder
Major depression
Multiple sclerosis (MS)
Missing limbs or partially missing limbs
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Obsessive compulsive disorder
Impairments requiring the use of a wheelchair
Intellectual disability (previously called mental retardation)

Please check one of the boxes below
YES, I HAVE A DISABILITY (or previously had a disablity)
NO, I DON’T HAVE A DISABILITY
I DON’T WISH TO ANSWER

END OF THAT BULLSHIT

Hehehehe

that bitch was good about job searching though. she would blast out resumes and applications to shit she was nowhere near qualified for. I look at postings and think I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS, HOW COULD I FIGURE THIS OUT WITHOUT TRAINING, and then dont even apply. she is TOO DUMB TO CARE and applies anyway then gets the job when she presents herself as a Nice Woman. She really does present as Nice. she used to be REALLY nice to me. thats why i liked her so much. i liked it when a woman was NICE to me. shes just a fookin COWARD who drops the ball and really disappoints you.

HOW DO YOU ask the client WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? I would ask the level 2 a clarifying question on behalf of the caller, and the level 2 would say WHY DO THEY WANT TO KNOW? then I would go back to them after leaving them on hold for 5 minutes, and say, UH, WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? Ok let me put you on hold for 5 minutes again.

does it really MATTER why they want to know? because they’re entitled to an explanation.  also it’s a tough question to ask. it sounds rude as fook. So I would soften it and say uhhmmmmm could you tell me a little bit more about your thought process here, i want to understand your needs to understand, is this in reference to a specific question or case, and I am being guided by my level to try to get a better picture of what your desired end result here is, and your expectations of this information, bla bla bla. not WHY U WANNA KNOW.

that BITCH, on the other hand, would have no problem chatting with them: “WHY U WANNA KNOW.”

you cant say “my level 2 wants to know, i told him why do YOU need to know, i really went to bat for you against these bastards mike, but they aren’t backing down, they’re busting my balls, making me jump through hoops, so now i gotta make you jump through hoops, so just tell me anything. i told him already, because he’s got a RIGHT to know why, thats why he wants to know, smart guy.”

because then they will want to talk to the level 2, which can’t be done.

cant do that mike, I can put in a request that a level 2 calls you back within 72 hours, but can’t guarantee it will get approved.

best thing to do is to research the problem on your free time, learn it, understand it, and call him back on your free time. cant do it on work time cuz you dont get paid for learning shit, you get paid for WORKING ON shit.

and quality is surprisingly not super oriented to how shit gets fixed. because that is hard to measure!!!

well they measured was the case really closed, or was it reopened. but it always could have been started as a new case. the quality people dont really know if you did the right or the wrong thing, because shit is so complicated and theres “more than one way to skin a cat” as they say.  so how can you prove you did it right. well the problem appeared to be fixed thats how. nothing is fooked here dude.

that bitch! I thought she CARED about me!!!!!

well i think she DID, she just wasnt BRAVE enough to SHOW it.

on the WARPATH today, applied to at least 8 jobs

theoretically you should applied to about 30 jobs a day, every day, so you can get to the minimum 10,000 job apps needed to get hired to 1 job. 10,000 = 100 apps for 1 interview * 100 interviews for 1 job = 100 * 100 = 10000.

QED!!!!

whyd you leave me hahahaha

shit i am now using a 3 page resume. well, in the .txt file there are no page breaks. but if you put it into a 12 pt font in word it is 3 pages hahaha.

my interview file:

WHY is a very important question. It is a good mental exercise to ask WHY in response to every answer, so we can really get to the ROOT of how something works. And expert knowledge of our product and services instills confidence in our clients and allows us to work more efficiently.

However, sometimes asking WHY is NOT efficient. Sometimes it’s the exact opposite. Sometimes asking why is a MONEY PIT, where we throw time, money, and resources into a sink, never to get them back. This is why it’s necessary to always to a cost benefit analysis, and determine if knowing WHY gives enough benefit to justify the cost of finding out why.

Sometimes it’s simply not worth it to figure out why. We just need to take note of the pitfall, and understand it is what it is. It can be frustrating to those who want to know WHY everything works, but we have have these IDEALS tempered by a realistic business sense: sometimes it’s just not worth it to find out why. It costs too much. It’s not a positive ROI.
I’m able to power through learning curves quickly by getting up to speed as quickly as possible. I put in the extra effort after hours to get up to speed on new knowledge and technology and hit the ground running while at work, rather than wasting time at work learning how to do things. Sometimes you must sacrifice your personal time in the pursuit of EXCELLENT. I have a COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE.

THinking AHEAD. Incomplete information. Sometimes you don’t know what’s SUPPOSED to be “OBVIOUS” because you aren’t as familiar with the subject as the client is, but the client isn’t actively offering information. You need to ask PROBING QUESTIONS and act as if you are mapping an uncharted territory. Ask every possible question you can think of. It is better to have too much information than too little. You can always disregard extraneous information later. Think what information you might possibly need at future steps, and ask the client NOW, so you have all the information you need, and probably more, up front. This is preferable to needing information in the future at a short notice, and the client/contact is not available.

I am HIGH ENERGY and Enthusiastic. I like to think of myself as the GUY FIERI of Machine Operators / Talent Acquisition Assistants.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha what a boldfaced LIE. I am the lowest low energy sad sack you have ever met. but all employers want HIGH ENERGY.

motherfookers that work with HIIPAA for YEARS spell it motherfooking HIPPA on their god damn public indeed resumes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think its HIPAA but it DEF NOT HIPPA!!!!! yes it IS Hipaa confirmed. and these are people that work steadily for years in doctors offices and make at least 15 DAH!!!!!! maybe even have CHILDREN!!!!!

hehehe jobs and applying for jobs is frustrating hahaha and then sometimes i get angry and say THAT BITCH!!!!! thinking about her making all that money, and her being happy and successful, how she can just get away with ruining my life hahahaha.

ok fine she’s entitled to her feelings but im entitled to mine, and i wish she cared about MY feelings even a fraction that i cared for HER feelings!

i cared for her feelings a lot! she cared for my feelings and me, NOT ONE BIT!

i mean come the fook on. appreciate that its not a crime for a man to get feelings for a woman! its not a CRIME! when that guy cheated on her, that was bad! getting feelings is not bad! maybe she just thinks anything a man does is BAD! well i cant MAKE her respond to me.

its just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO disappointing she couldnt say ANYTHING.

well what if she said you are a betrayer, you are a horrible person, i hate you!

well then I would have to convince myself that isnt true. but I would at least know how she felt. maybe it would be easier to laugh it off and say HOW WRONG YOU ARE.

MACHINE OPERATOR, search that. TRAINEE. will train. assistant. application analyst. entry level.

us post office resets their job postings every 2 weeks.

put as many names of programs and technologies used in your resume as possible. brands, programs, tools, equipment. software. CRM’s, ERP’s, CMS’s hahaha KMS, whatever. anything that wasnt strictly in-house. anything and everything. fancy things in windows you used. like if you ever used the event viewer or cmd line or registry or even just the task manager. computer management shows all that stuff. except for processes hahaha. and services. i never knew the diff bw a service and a process even though i worked with them every day and probably bullshitted a bullshit answer to some caller who asked me that very question,

she didnt have to be HAPPY about me liking her. thats fine. i just wanted her to treat me the way she used to treat me: like a valuable person she cared about. dont have to be happy but dont get SO BUTTHURT ABOUT IT. its not such a godawful horrible thing. its not the fooking end of the world for you. for me, OTOH, it is.

so stupid. i can’t believe any of this happened. so gay. i learned nothing hahahaha. well, other than blurt it out when it is starting to cause trouble, AND the bitch refuses to hang out with you EVER. even if she has valid “explanations.” then write her an email or talk to her at work.  prepare a 30 second statement and give it to her in 30 seconds.

the weird thing was we saw each other every day at shitwork, but she REFUSED to hang out with me outside of work, even though we used to, even though that was an expectation of Being Friends like we were. I was just confused as fook. why couldnt you hang out with me EVER. one hour. make time for me. you used to. we used to make time for each other.

well because  you knew i wanted to say something and have a difficult conversation that you didnt want to have, and would do ANYTHING to avoid having that conversation.

well WHY did i WANT to have the conversation?

because its better to have difficult conversations than avoid them.

but I didnt NEED to have the conversation. I could TELL she didnt want me. so just accept it.

but when you are in luv, you become a FOOL, and hope against hope, and ignore subtlety, ignore evidence to the contrary.

MACHINE OPERATOR

INDEED MY SEARCHES

you can see all your search terms for like a year.

index/match is the alternative to vlookup and probably the more useful and powerful (index/match that is.)

tell them you know how to do both and then learn. or pretend to learn hahahaha.  no one is going to teach you but yourself, and no one can tell you that you are right or wrong, until somebody loses a fookload of money in a few months and looking for someone to fire. you. for getting the answer wrong.

its like doing math problems and you dont have an answer key or a teacher or someone who can check your work, so you never know you’re doing it right. until you get fired for doing it WRONG. hahahaha. this is so stupid.

you know you’re doing it right, if someone hasn’t come back to you in…3 months? and told you you’re doing it wrong hahahaha.

if you ask someone to check your work, you get a reputation as someone needing their hand held, cant do your own work, slows the team down, cant work independently, cant make decisions, cant pull their own weight, drags the team down, looking to lay them off.

 

 

 

 

 

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