mar 28

yeah its stupid when you wonder how someone is doing and what they are up to, but then you feel stupid because they dont care about you, they couldnt care less how YOURE doing. yet not too long ago you used to be a big part of each others lives. i thought she cared about me more hahahaha that she would have a LITTLE courage and a LITTLE kindness to not really show to Me per se; dont do it for ME, do it for the Memory and Dignity of Our Shared Relationship. That was important and REAL, wasn’t it ?!?!?!?!?!

how to train yourself when your company does not have written or online materials to train you with, and no one is willing to train you:

well bribe them with lunch and drinks. get in early and stay late and just watch them do THEIR work and they will probably answer a few questions about it. neither you nor them will know if its relevant to YOUR job, cuz thats YOUR job, remember?

ask to get put on email “distribution lists” or “DL’s”. this does not mean Down Low or Down Load, it means Distribution List, which is a phaggy business way of saying email list.

ask if anyone else has notebooks or flashcards of stuff they wrote down when they first started. ask if you can make copies of the stuff. make copies of tons of stuff. offer to do it at kinkos and pay for it yourself so you dont make 100s of copies on the companys dime, when its just for Personal Training use. How’s that going to make THEM any MONEY???

how to stay tough when people are putting the pressure on?

Disguise bullshit and speculation as authoritative fact hahaha.

You will shake your head at how people can think you would even KNOW about whatever crazy shit they’re asking you. bullshit an answer anyway. be able to tell immediately what types of things can “come back to haunt you”, and which stuff you can make up the most ridiculous bullshit stories about.

you can find  yourself “Stalking” in the most roundabout ways. like if you are a google maps nut like me. if you are just google mapping around their house, wishing you could have been invited to their house more. especially if you never really go to that part of town.

trying to find out the owner of a nearby restaurant because you thought they said a family member owned the restaurant. did they really? were they just a 10% partner? maybe they were “just” a manager. how do you find out who owns a business? look at the state licensing website. it only gives one name. not anyone in her family. they all use the same last names because most of the family is a matriachy where everyones father is a deadbeat and not worth the children taking the fathers names. that cant be good. a family history of having babies with deadbeats. indulging the worst aspects of Unrestricted, Unguided, Female Nature Unbound. but they must have had some morality left to not get Abortions! well I dont really know though. maybe there were a few. I’ll never know!

ok. did I do a BAD job at my job? NO! i did a PRETTY GOOD job at my job! the managers thought i was one of the good guys! I had Good Attendance and Good Performance! I just felt like I was incompetent and dumb because there was so much I didn’t know or understand. BUT THAT WAS NORMAL! It was really hard to get used to that kind of confusion and ignorance being NORMAL. IT’S OK! NOBODY knows what they’re doing!

I would feel a lot better if there were more training and everybody was on the same page and DID know what they were doing! rather than accepting ignorance and confusion as being OK and Normal and Status Quo.

and she soldiers on at that same shitty place. and one day she will know more and be smarter than i was. she may even be at that point now. and have a perfect bullshit explanation for EVERYTHING, the way the “best” level 2 people do. shit she might even get promoted to level 2, in a place where NO ONE gets promoted from level 1 to level 2. there are at least 3 or 4 men who have been there longer and who are much much much smarter that deserve it much much much more. they were much smarter than ME and helped ME learn.

i hate how the JOB turned us against each other. made me compete and compare myself with her. am i smarter and better than her? why wont she help me? how come her job is easier? how come SHE doesnt get flustered? does SHE study at home? or does she just go home and smoke MJ and watch brain dead TV.

Its hard to think outside the box when you don’t know what’s IN the box and what the box looks like. You might think you’re thinking outside of the box, but you’re still in the box. Again an issue of unknown unknowns. You don’t know what’s INSIDE the box, let alone outside the box. To solve this issue, my first order of business is the LEARN THE BOX as quickly as possible, so I can start thinking outside of it as quickly as possible.

bullshit paragraph i just added to my interview document hahaha.

This time last year I was going crazy trying to survive to a somewhat close layoff, also was going crazy due to no resolution with HER. asking her to hang out every 2 weeks and her always saying see you on MONDAY before I asked her whatcha doing this weekend. nope. im going bye see you at work again on MONDAY. little things like that would bother me. I shoulda said fook monday, lets hang out this weekend. I havent hung out with you in MONTHS. and i SORTA did, but in a pussy way. like i would say whatcha doing this weekend, oh idunno hanging out with family, well wanna go to dinner on saturday, i’ll buy. oh i dunno i might be with family. i will let you know tomorrow. then nothing.

nothing new here, i mean this is EXACTLY how women avoid you when they are not interested in hanging out, then after a while youre supposed to get the hint. i didnt though. because we used to be friends where it wasnt such a goddamn pullingteeth struggle to hang out. so i thought we were stil friends like that.

ok applied for a ridic job on indeed, hr assistant for a vision/eyeglasses provider hahahaha

uploaded official indeed resume, same as the regular resume.

bullshit a brief cover letter off the top of muh head:

Dear Company HR Team:

I am the ideal candidate for the HR Assistant position. I demonstrate exemplary relationship-building and problem-solving skills, and am a very motivated team player. I am committed to supporting the workforce of this respected organization, and to finding creative ways to reduce operating costs to an absolute minimum. I look forward to an opportunity to discuss this position with you.


The Living Embodiment of The 14 Words, a True Counter-Semitic White Supremacist Nationalist, White Power World Wide

customer service. nope. customer facing. nope. dealing with saudis trying to get their money. nope. business owned by arabs and you are on the phone with arab contractors in yemen and libya and jordan and UAE and managing their quasi-illegal somali workforce falling from 9000 story buildings in dubai. nope. office is cleaned only once a week and employees are bit by bedbugs which infest the workplace. nope. company is unable to pay employees for months at a time. nope.

i understand FEDGOV/ZOG is not business-friendly. They tax businesses so much that business cannot afford to maintain BEDBUG FREE WORKPLACES. But…..BBBBBut……there’s nothing left to say after that.

may or may not have applied to a data entry medical related job. can’t tell if i did hahahaha. honestly i can’t. you might not like it, but it is what it is. the system is not set up to give confirmations.

oh hay i did get an email pretty much confirming it haha.

ANNNND applied to an account clerk for the county. wow. 3 apps in 1 day. literally a new record.

heh as late as march 14 2015 i found a chat log that said

me: want to enjoy a relaxer tonight? [my cutesy code word for degenerate MJ]

her: well im going to [fam] after work but maybe next weekend?

this is amidst friendly chatting.

anyway i was so desperate to talk to her and Maintain Our Friendship and the only way I could do that was though Chatting at work; and texting; and FB messages. whenever i saw her in person it would be tense and awkward. she would always avoid me bla bla bla

anyway there were no red flags that shit was gonna blow up the way that it did.

i found some old chatlogs were i was talking to her. i smuggled them out of the job before i left. yeah i was being a pussy and i needed to come out and say, LETS HANG OUT SATURDAY. YES OR NO. NO MAYBE. THIS ENDS NOW.

but the chats contain the essence of our friendship and are really about the only thing i have left as a reminded of the good times We Shared.

it was weird she was willing to chat with me but not hang out.

of course i gave more to the chats than she did. i was always writing the longer more thoughtful chats. she had the brief girly chats. i should have rolled it way back. but i was desperate. and this was the best way i could talk to her.

yep. OVER one year ago. well at least today i was moderately productive, 3 job apps wowzers.


not just me, but the relationship. something that you and me BUILT TOGETHER. you just want to throw that away. i thought you cared about me!

and i think you did! you were just too cowardly and afraid to do the right thing here, and i can’t amke you!!!!

couldnt you just TALK to me? write me an EMAIL?????

how will i ever find someone i get along with THAT well, who is that attractive and no kids and n < 3 hahahaha

n being number hahaha

yep 7.47 months since i have sent her the last email. 224 days.

no kids, low number, white, under 30, attractive, nice, i just pushed her too far, i pushed her away, i pushed muh soulmate away wawaawawawawawaw the woman GOD intended me to be with for life wawawawawawawaw

if i were good at MANIPULATING people I could have manipulated her to want to be with me. and once we had fooked a few times and been together longer than 3 months, i wouldn’t need to “manipulate” her so much.

i could manipulate companies into wanting to hire me. take a chance on this low energy loser hahaha

COME ON. we had something SPECIAL. you cant DENY that. You can DUMP me, but dont DENY the Specialness of our Rel. I dont know why this bothers me so much but it does.  well because i never had that special of a female friend in years…..or ever really. this was all so new and adventurous. an old dog learning new tricks, feeling new feelings, and it felt like it was me getting closer to an actual Life Partner hahahaha

for a while i was scared to get too close to her. i eventually overcame that fear. but i think she was scared to get too close to me too. anyway i pretty much told her straght up “i want to get closer to you, we have been friends for a while, but I want to get even closer and hang out more in 2015”. so she got scared. ok i can udnerstand that. thats her right.

appreciate the fact that me losing you is gonna hurt me.

and I wish that you losing me, would hurt you a little bit too.

I thought I was WORTH SOMETHING to you.

You were worth a LOT to me.

Having you in my life made my life BETTER. My life is WORSE when you are not in it.

It would have been easier if you DIED. but there is bitterness because I know you CHOSE to get out of my life. damn.

be willing to acknowledge that YOU MATTERED TO ME.

And I think she didnt want to recognize how much she mattered to me. how strongly i felt for her. that would scare anyone away bla bla bla.

heh. i wish i never got the feelings. whenever i do, its TOO DAMN STRONG. this is definitely some kind of insecure attachment style. that alone is not a disorder but it is a symptom of probably many disorders. does not help diagnose. anything from garden variety despair and anxiety, to borderline and antisocial, socipath, psychopath etc.

i dunno. it was kinda stupid of me to get SUCH strong feelings for her. but i guess it wasnt nearly as dumb as getting strong feelings for other women i didnt know NEARLY as well.

well i thought that since we KNEW each other well, we would be able to talk about this problem together.

also i didnt realize how strong muh fee fees were either. i was confused too.

it just SUCKS to lose someone like this. i never had somebody refuse to talk to me ever. so i would usually continue talking to the gurl to try to get them to change their minds hahaha.

shit. if i can get a damn shitty job, i will justify to myself to begin taking MJ again. i dont care if its degenerate. it helps you sleep when you are nervous. great way to relax after a horrible long day of work and no solace in sight. no hope, no cuddles hahaha, but you can FIRE IT UP and thats pretty fun. it really DOES simulate a relship with a woman. and not in the stupid sexual way women push you through The Relationship Simulator.


oh lord I would have loved to take MJ with her and cuddle with her.

anyway. must move on.

but my life was better with her than it is without her!

that may be, but i must move on. so what life is worse without her. in a few years i will be over her. and just liking nobody and being lonely hahaha.

i guess it might help if I had real good friends. but I was building a different kind of Intimacy and Closeness with her, than I did with my Male Friends.  I dont really WANT to be close in that way with them. two men getting really close talking about their feelings? sounds really GAYYYYYYYYYY.

However sometimes you get a male friend that you just have a MANCRUSH on and you get excited about hanging out with them, they are so fun and cool. hehehe. i don’t have that going on either.

heh. i thought about contacting her old x boifran, no not the cheater, but the long term one, who had Run His Course with her. he was cold and distant but he wasn’t a Bad Cheating Guy, and I got along with him allright. Certainly I could email HIM and ask him to talk to her and see if she can listen to reason, I thought they still talked to each other; and I think he kind of liked me, so I am sure he asked about me at least once. Oh how’s the white supremacist doing. Oh he creeped me out and stalked me so I dumped him. hahahaha.  just totally lie to him about how shit went down. god i hope she didnt lie. she was a huge avoider but NOT A LIAR. I dont want to be wrong about that.

i can live with her being an avoider. but its harder to live with me being wrong about her not being a liar.

i just wish i knew what people said and what she said about me. i hope she didnt LIE about me to people that might have asked about me. But did they ever ask about me? I’ll never know.

welp is it worth it to contact THOSE OTHER PEOPLE and say hey what did you say to her about this, what did she say about this, and also here’s the truth, because I don’t want anybody lying about me, and I don’t want anybody thinking im a creepy psycho stalker. i never had a problem with YOU and you dont deserve to be lied to about me. tell me what she said hahaha.

i hate the idea that she might have lied about me, and i hate it if people who once liked me now think badly of me because of lies they were told about me.

and its better for me to contact them than to contact her.


i dont know if its worth it.

mar 29

NO exaholics, the “ex” never said “youre too good for me”, if anything her actions and silence were saying “im too good for you, youre weird and unlovable” hahahaha. I would have MUCH preferred to hear “youre too good for me,” even if i knew it was just an excuse and a pretty lie.

had an erotic dream where I was approaching a bunch of attractive young women and basically grabbing them. not socially acceptible hahaha. but it reminded me of how long it has been since i even touched a woman, like 11 years hahaha. I mean I have gotten shitty girlhugs, I am not a hugless version. but shitty girlhugs dont count. where they stick their ass out because they don’t want to touch you too much. no. i am talking about full blown cuddling where their body is pressed up against yours for minutes at a time.

and its just disgusting They are so casual about that, do it with everybody, that this is no longer an intimate thing, same thing with Secs. they have become immune to Intimate Touching.

ok ok ok gotta stay productive today.

ok applied for 10 DAH picker inspector warehouse temp job hahaha not even 12 pm yet woo hoo.  go do this shit without training idiot. do your job. i dunno how to do muh job. figure it out, ni99er. you act like a autist who hasnt had secs in 11 years. i mean 12 hahahaha.

also the women i was approaching in the dream were way more attractive and younger than I could be reasonably expected to pull in real life hahahaha. kinda like That Woman was technically out of my league cuz she was good looking and young. I mean the thought of touching her could get me Haard.

though thats no way to live your life, its a good quality in a loving wife. does her attractive body get you hard and you want to touch and make fook with her, or does she look like a fat squat potato and you cringe and sneer and curl your lip at the idea of touching her or seeing that hideous hambeast seacow ill proportioned body?

is she attractive, or NOT?

ok got a haircut on level 1, this is really ideal for a balding man like me hahaha. looks more masculine and tough and serious and not so pussy and cuck. carl the cuck, punchable face, watching my gf’s baby while she goes on a date with her bf tyrone.

taking MJ is degen and horrible but I would do it again. it helps deal with the disappointment of Life hahaha. when the best you can hope for is a horrible job and a slutty ugly single mom for a mate. it provides some much needed fun, when you dont have anyone you Like that you can hang out with.

but it’s controversial, i can see why White Fascists frown upon it. I wouldnt EXPECT them to like it.

i dont think YOu KNow Who LIED to her friends about me, or people we mutually knew. She was not a liar. HOWEVER, she is likely to have either downplayed / brushed off / AVOIDED talking about me, which would be preferable actually, OR, her truthful honest view of the situation is so SKEWED AND WRONG, that her version of the truth would make me look bad, but it wouldnt technically be LYING, it would just be stupid and wrong and completely misunderstood. i would hope one of those people would say, well did you get HIS SIDE of the story? yeah he sent me long emails that i didnt read because he made me feel weird and uncomfortable, therefore he’s the bad guy.

google how to do a job without training


i already read this one months ago




yeah i read this one too. basically use google and train yourself off the clock hahaha.

i am angry that SHE adapted better to the job than I did. also people more willing to give her help and sympathy because she is a Pretty Gurl. I hate that the Job came between us so much. If I had never taken that job, things would have worked out better with HER. or if she wasnt at that job, maybe things would have worked out better with the job. but the job definitely contrributed to thinks working out as BADLY as they did.

Merfen 46 points 2 years ago
I remember this from my third week in my IT security consulting. “OK now log into the phones and help the customers with their firewall issues”. “but…. the customers know more than me…”.
permalinksavegive gold
[–]taclark 12 points 2 years ago
This is every day at work for me. In the last 5 years they’ve brought on multiple sites to our support group, and they use vastly different software. No training, no information source really, work is after-hours so any easily reachable help is unavailable… the users know more about what we’re supposed to fix for them than we do, but management keeps dumping more and more of it onto us and patting each other on the back for “doing more with less.”


CelticTalk 2 points 2 years ago*

We got trained basically what we legally have to do/not do, how to use the software (very basic) and what the companies products are. Basically only stuff that would help someone who has never heard of the company (big name, products very well known), has never phoned a company support line or has never dealt with a computer.

Very first call, billing issue, information on the account is incorrect, customer demanding a big refund and compensation, want a subject access request and wants to speak to a manager because previous agent hung up and another one mis-sold. Finally they want to submit a complaint and won’t stop shouting.

  1. These are just numbers, they are important but what are they, why have I never seen these numbers?
  2. There can be incorrect info on the account?
  3. Refunds can we do that?
  4. A subject what request?
  5. Manager, who is that, can they speak to them?
  6. What do you do when another agent has hung up on them?
  7. What do you do when someone has mis-sold.
  8. I can do that, I just type something in this box, what do I type?


heh. so what did that person do. sounded like my job but even worse hahaha. SO WHAT DID YOU DO. i hate it when you read confusing shit that gives you no indication on WHAT TO DO. so is this a heads up of a known issue? WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? SHOULD I DO ANYTHING? WILL THIS BE FIXED by another department? when? what should we tell people who ask about this? are all questions you ask after receiving official company memos through email. during proper training or meetings you would get a chance to ask about this sort of this. but know they just blast out new emails of shit every day.

i just hate not knowing how to do my job and having to bother other people for help; and not knowing as much as the customers about the shit youre fixing; and never being able to tell if what you did was RIGHT or not. yeah, probably. if it breaks call us back. and then realizing even the smart people don’t KNOW, they just bullshit well. so how do you learn to bullshit well? at least help me with THAT!

most jobs WONT train you. you just have to figure it out. figuring out how to do a job without training or guidance is one of the most valuable skills you can have. i wish they taught it in school. or college hahahaha.

i am just mad as hell that SHE did better at the JOB than I did. Well technically I did better. BUt she handled the emotions better and Kept Calm better than I did. SO SHE THINKS SHES BETTER THAN ME??? because she copes with the job better and now makes more money than me? I used to make the same amount of money back before I Went Crazy! Because of HEr!!!!!!!!!

oh she’ll be sorry when she is 40 and I am 50 and she is making more money than me then……..oh.

and i am still trying to get an entry level 12 DAH job with health care hahaha.

still trying to find a young wife without kids who can have some kids for me hahaha.

and i hate that she is moving on and UP with her life, while I am not, I am moving DOWN. so in this way she becomes BETTER than me, I dont DESERVE a woman as good and successful and responsible and healthy as her.

she is a WINNER and I am a LOSER.

yet i am way smarter than her! even with my avearge 101 iq! she has like a 90 iq like a damn mongoloid!!!!! yet she is much much more successful than me!!!!

google how do you pretend like you know something

oh shit this “bindery trainee” job says that bipolar and derpression count as DISABILITY according to them, or to the govt, just like CANCER, AIDS, or MISSING LIMBS, or RETARDATION. wow. i said nope not disabled.




oh shit i applied for FOUR jobs today, and yesterday I thought I did good with Three.


what a fooking CVNT. a CVNT.

she was WEAKER than I was. well its NORMAL for women to be weak, men to be strong. its expecting too much to expect a woman to be as strong as a man.

so then why do they want to fook like alpha men.

cuz they dont know. theyve been brainwashed by j’s. and just like amerifats love fatburgers, people love physical pleasure. secs. hedonism. if it feels good, do it. if it gets you off, DO IT.


unesco heritage sites in poland hahahahaha

there are mountains in poland! carpathian mountains!

there are primeval forests in poland!

basically poland is best country. full of white people and traditional women. though i wonder if the women in belarus are even less degenerate hahaha.

but poles are my people more than belarussians, so its likely i would Connect with a pole woman best.

well thank god that woman you know who was not a pole. well that explains why we were not meant to be hahaha.

but sucks that the best woman i ever met turned out to be a huge cvnt ahahahaha.

heh. i want her to validate muh fee fees by sayng yes i know that you’re hurtng and yes i know that youre disappointed and im sorry i hurt you and its ok that you liked me but damn this has gotta suck for you!! (yes it really really does). aww im sorry for that. youll find someone who likes you back one day.

and NOT acting like i fooking k’d her family or something, or i am bjorks crazy stalker.

(latino guy with manboobz who k’d himself on video because he could never be with hs obsessive crush bjork) and i think he mailed her a bomb or anthrax or something too. or maybe just the video of him…..no wait that is physical impossible hahahaha.

i dont want a damn hooker, i dont want to pay women to hang out with me. i want women to like me for me and want to hang out with me because they think i am cool. in other words, exactly how she used to feel about me. she thought i was COOL and she WANTED to hang out with me and listen to me ramble about bullshit. and her attention made me feel good about myself. like yeah i am cool enough for women to want to hang out with me. cute young women, with low number, no children, who are nice to me etc. too bad shes got a bf hahahaha but oh well her face is kinda weird anyway and im not over that other woman.

remember those innocent, better days?

no i wasnt just USING her for ATTENTION. I’m just saying I LIKED the attention she gave me, and it was a confidence booster to have a young attractive woman think i was cool and wanting to hang out wiht me. no red blooded man would disagree. i wasnt USING her. I cared for her too. I wanted her best interests and i wanted her to be happy and I cared about her feelings and I gave her nice gifts and bought her meals and wrote her nice cards and told her how i appreciated her. But when I stepped that up to the next level, she was no longer comfortable wiht it. oh well she could have not overreacted. she totally overreacted.

just appreciate that i had feelings for you and that it hurts me to lose you.

appreciate that even if i DIDNT have feelings for you, we used to be good friends, and it hurts to lose that.

show some appreciation for me whatsoever. dont fookin abandon me. totally bail on me. you were an important part of my life. this is not the right way to end an important relship. i used to be important to you too.

when the hell am i gonna feel like that for a woman again? i mean the woman has to be pretty special and different. SHE was special and different.


its amazing how this is so hard for me, yet most average people do it well enough to be gainfully employed and not ahve nervous fooking breakdowns that make them “DISABLED” according to some definitions.


but proud white men do not GET Neetbux! they work for a living, work for the J’s, and get garbage women to mate with hahaha.

should you marry a woman you dont really luv and dont really want to commit to, IF the woman luvs you and wants to have your babies???

i would say no. dont start impregnating sluts till youre 50, if you are desperate to leave a legacy and looking for white trash women who will have ANYONES baby.