THE PROGRAM IS WORKING AS INTENDED / NOT MY PROBLEM / I AM LITERALLY SHAKING RIGHT NOW / NEET PODCAST

mar 8

i got the thought that she might have avoided dealing with be EXACTLY BECAUSE she knew I would be hurt A LOT (which was correct!!!) and the amount of muh hurt was exactly the reason why she avoided me. if i wouldnt be that hurt, it would have been easier for her to confront me. but she knew i would be DEVASTATED, and she couldnt deal with that AT ALL.

maybe. of course ill NEVER know what she was thinking.

eh. i am less OBSESSED about it now, which is good.

now i am more worried about learning a complicated, overwhelming job fast, when people are not super willing to help people.

I was always very willing to help people because i know how much help you NEED in the beginning, and how everyone seems too BUSY to help you, or they sneer at you for asking dumb questions, well, when you dont know ANYTHING, these questions arent dumb. whats causing the program data to become corrupt. no one knows this. how can they prevent the printer from getting the 14.88 error every day.  are there any locations that have separate machines for credit cards and for checks, and how can we tell? what do these machines look like? how do we reinstall the drivers if the caller cant tell what type of machine it is? how do i find out whose job this is? whose job is this? who can fix this? Level 3 kicked this case back to Level 2 saying “we dont fix this”, NOT MY PROBLEM MAN, but then added nothing more, and the case is sitting back at level 2, and the caller is getting impatient because their client is getting impatient, what do i tell them. oh great i tell them the case is where it needs to be and we will call you back within 72 hours i promise you. well last time you did that i didnt talk to anybody, they just sent me a shitty email that didnt make sense and said they were closing the case because they called me once and i was busy. now i cant call them back because i can only call into level 1 and

hehehe anyway i would gladly help the new people because i was angry at the company for not training new people enough, so I was gonna take that cross up myself, goddamn it!!!!!!! i’ll train these poor newbies if the company just wants to throw them to the wolves, and if they dont figure it out fast enough, youre fired! this is peoples LIVES were talking about! they just WANT TO WORK! they WANT to do a GOOD job!!!! but they are put in these situations CONSTANTLY where they dont know what theyre doing!!!!!

just tell me what to do and i’l do it!!!!! nope thats the wrong attitude, you have to FIGURE OUT what to do, thats your JOB!!!! well….how do i FIGURE OUT what to do then, nothing makes fooking sense and Im freaking out! well dont freak out, if you freak out, you’ll fail. oh thanks asshole.

JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!! Nope, figure it out yourself, thats your job. I hate this kind of shit.

you end up bullshitting people because you CANT really figure it out, you CANT get good help from others, in other words, the “good question. let me find out for you” line doesnt really work, and the sources you get are incomplete or wrong, so you cant really figure it out for yourself, but take a guess. yes or no.

“the program is working as intended.”

“the file is corrupt, you have to start it over again.”

“you have to make the client come back in again because the program didnt capture their signature. or maybe because the signature pad failed. or both failed. dunno.”

oh god signature pads fook me.

maybe program crashed just as the person touched the signature pad.

so its ok to just write “signature on file” and not call the person back in? isnt that fraud and you could go to prison for 10 years for a felony? I dunno im not a lawyer. or is that if you FORGE the persons signature. i dunno im not a lawyer. ask your manager. oh you ARE the manager, of courshe. well call YOUR manager. oh you already did and he said to call us. well call him BACK and tell your boss, no, you talked to us and said HE had to handle it. I would guess that writing “signature on file” is much less a degree of fraud than forging the signature, so uh yeah just fookin do it. My name is Tyrone B and the case number is 14888841.  oh you want to talk to a supervisor. well let me put you on hold for 5 minutes so i can argue for permission for a supervisor to call you back within 72 hours. all the supervisors are busy. the only people who are not on the phone right now are managers who dont actually know anything about this and cant explain it any better than i can, they will just tell you the same thing, plus they have the authority to say they dont WANT to talk to you. they dont HAVE to talk to you.

GRANTED, i never had a call that was REALLY that bad. rather, i just said, OH, just write signature on file, ITLL BE FINE, thats totally legit. knowing that it would PROBABLY be legit, they PROBABLY wouldnt get in trouble, and if they did, their manager would school them and not care about getting ME in trouble; and if i did get in trouble, i would just get a Coaching Meeting, i’d say I’ll never do it again, I’ll say I chatted with a level 2 and they said it was ok, sorry i forgot to put that in the notes, didnt think we needed approval for that. ok lesson learned, wont ever do it again, thank you for the coaching.

flashcards and studying the shit at home on Time Off and becoming friendly with Smart People were what helped me the most.

studying the shit at home SUCKS. but it HELPED. but it also made me more crazy.

therefore, i would limit it to no more than one hour on workdays. also, you can do it while Blazed.

but getting blazed is DEGENERATE.

yes it IS, but it honestly helped relieve some stress from the job and the woman and life. i dont really feel that bad about Blazing It during that time. I was a hard working and very stressed out Guy. I had Earned It.

but it was possible that blazing it was just making me MORE nervous and stressed and worried over the long term. MJ can do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO, an all around better way to relieve stress is at the GYM. with exercise and lifting.

so yeah i should have just gotten out of job, went straight to gym, well maybe eat dinner before, and then GOMAD INSANITY in the gym for 2 full hours until dripping with sweat and every muscle in body feels like jelly. while ideally listening to a self-made “podcast” of me reading Job Facts and Knowledge to try to Train Myself and Teach Myself how to do my job and learn all the stuff.

then go home and study the job on computer, maybe while making another Talking File to listen to at gym in the future.

yeah i just hate being put into complex confusing situations where i dont know what im doing, and i dont know what to say to the caller, yet i gotta figure it out quickly, with minimal help.

march 9

hey i dont WANT to hate women. i dont LIKE hating women. i think men and women are supposed to get along and luv each other and not constantly fight and hate each other. its how we reproduce our species hehehe. i hate seeing women screw men over. yeah men screw women over too but i think women do it more. maybe women only do it because they have been screwed by men. certainly That Woman has been screwed over by men in her life, so she prob kinda hates men. fine. ok. i dont much like women either. but i dont LIKE hating women. i wish i DIDNT! but i dislike them for imho very good reasons. i dont like the way the act, the things they say and do, their immaturity, their mercenary nature, they cant be trusted, everything is super conditional.  oh well not all women are like that. some are nice single mothers who will treat you right hahaha.

heh i really gotta make more female friends. its good for the confidence, really good, if you can be actual friends with women. even better if they are even moderately attractive. it doesnt matter if youre attracted to them or in luv with them. i mean you shouldnt be “FWB” because thats degenerate. but basically it proves to yourself that you are Cool Enough to get at least SOME positive attention from women. like they want to hang out with you, spend time with you, respond to you, be nice to you. all these things are HUGE. it says, well this woman doesnt hate me, so theres hope that i could find a woman one day who actually wants to Be With me, could maybe actually have a wife and family some day. theres hope for me yet hahahaha. its not hopeless.

so to go from one female friend back down to none is pretty rough.

im talking about someone you see on a regular basis, who hangs out with you and doesnt ignore you, who you text and she responds.

anyway. neets explaining gaps. you cant say i lost my mind and quit my job becuase i couldnt handle it. also i hated it.  this is why its so important to know people!

cuz unless you are perfect, and a decent number of people are, they will look for any reason NOT to hire you.

because they can get a perfect person instead: higher gpa, more internships, less fookups, no dui’s, no gaps, tons of volunteer experience, better references, younger, better attitude, no emotional problems, no autism, no awkwardness, no despair, no neets, no manlets, no fatties, just hire a boy scout right out of college, no shortage of those!

hehehe reading local paper about pres primary elections and they talked to a guy who works at muh former job and sees THAT PERSON erryday. he was always kinda obnoxious and i didnt REALLY like him, thought he was SO smart, of course he was a level 2 therefore he was way smarter and alphaer than me, and of COURSHE he voted for BERNIE. then probably That Woman let him fook her in a supply closet on the job and he will brainwash her to become a socialist. she was kinda gullible. if she had chosen me i would have schooled her the right way and could have made a decent woman out of her. but nooooooooooo.

gives him dat fine white ass but cant even talk to me. some friend hahaha. dirty dumb white trash mudshark whore hahahaha.

i hate how All Women (in a woman hating mood today) can treat sex so casually, so recklessly, but I treat it as some important, valuable, special, sacred, holy thing. but its just something they give to just about anybody. except me hahahaha. and they have all the negative consequences like getting preggers! They dont know and dont care, because thats how da j00z have brainwashed them. thru the media, the skools, the destruction of the family, popular culture. fookin garbage. but women are herd animals who suck up popular culture like it was black dicks.

mar 10

i saw a young woman in a restaurant i was very attracted to, but she seemed like a pothead whore with 1000 cok stare, and was there with boifran, who was a BIG GUY 4 U indeed. like football player big. and she was kinda small. HUGE guy. not really fat but prob likes to smoke MJ and Eat Junk more than he likes to work out hahahaha.

point is he could tear me in half.

hmm this yogurt has a LOT of sugar in it. not nec calories but sugar. some protein but not enough, a bit too many carbs. fook yogurt. again straight up BEEF is the best food ever. also chicken. can alternate them so you dont get bored.

ok new goal is try to burn 1000 calories whenever going to gym. is a decent goal. takes some time.

yeah i just hate that women have become huge mudshark whores who forget they can get pregnant because theyve bought so much into recreational sex, and birth control, and abortion.

but you could argue….the people who should be having the least kids are having the most kids, and vice versa, and this is WITH BC and abortion. the people that SHOULD be using contraception the most are NOT, and vice versa.

i mean it takes a really dumb muh dick mindset to forget to take your whorepill that day, or tell the diseased thug banging you to put on a Condo before he sprays your babymaker with thug sperm.

youve got to be STUPID or Stoned not to make him use a Condo!

NEET PODCAST. I love listening to the TRS podcasts and I should really do my own TRS for white neets. or, better yet, do a podcast FOR TRS on the subject of white neets.

anyway point is podcasts are great cuz you can listen to them whenever, wherever, and its good to hear two or more people having a normal, but interesting conversation.

rather than a marxist lecturing you, or a bunch of chads or women talking about stupid degeneracy. having casual secs and feelin the BERN.

wow just wow i cant even, i am literally SHAKING right now hahahahahahaha

yeah there are other neets on TRS but TRS is the kind of place that mocks and shames and shuns neets because they are weak losers and dead weight on the white race. i can understand where theyre coming from, but as a neet who wants to become a winner, i want to help other neets who want to become winners too, and not shun and shame them, especially if theyre white!

many neets are into GAMES and ANIME, and i just have no interest in this at ALL.

theres two neet podcasts ive found, but they are all under 20, pretty much LOVE being neets, LOVE watching anime and vidya all day, and are not worried about jobs or wimmin, cuz they had 2d faggotry! they embrace the lable neet and some arent even real neets cuz they are College Students.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

these are not true neets! i am looking for older neets whose lives are falling apart and are filled with frustration and worry and despair! pref ones that are white, pro-white, and NOT into anime and games!

ht     tp://pastebin.com/raw/tA1PD7Ad

uhh i think this one is on the Sexual Morality of Premarital Secs

march 11

yeah i just feel incapable of doing jobs because i get so FLUSTERED. i dont know how to do this. i dont know what to say to the customer/client/caller. well just figure it out. figure it out. tell them sorry nothing we can do. not my problem man.

http://archive.is/cFIN0

triggering comic by feminist on white privilege hahahaha

http://archive.is/mYBuj

triggering article about why polyamory is awesome on same site, everyday feminism, new worst site EVER

http://archive.is/CDXRa

gay comic on why neckbeard is insulting

http://archive.is/6Vb8k

rape culture expressions like this sucks, or fook you, or win her over. oh god. super rustling leftist bullshit site.

everyday feminism can SUCK MUH DICK and GET FOOKED like a BITCH.

http://archive.is/WFL2e

dumb cartoon glorifying abortion, linking to another page on how to use gender inclusive, noncissexist language when talking about trans people who are pro-abortion oy vey,

http://archive.is/VLAPa

time to ditch the friendzone word cuz its cissexist

http://archive.is/JhcAl

32 types of anti feminist comic by fat j00 male feminist barry ((((deutsch)))) very overworthy

http://archive.is/dP0oP

10000 word article on how social justice language can be used to hide abuse in relships

http://archive.is/yq06g

insanely horrible degen comic about how a queer WOC should go about mentally preparing for her first date with a trans “woman” omg

http://archive.is/zJG6G

common but wrong defensive responses by dumb whites to white privilege

horry sheet. this is the most horrible website i have seen in a long time. it just gets worse and worse. if any of your friends say this is a good website, shame and shun them. they are the enemy.

hehehe its my white privilege that i think “whats good” is just a black slang for saying “whats up” aka “hello” or “how are you”, when really it is hostile expression meaning “iz gon gat yo azz ni99a cuz u racis”. so you being so uneducated that you think “whats good” is friendly and not hostile is in itself racis.

good god.

http://archive.is/QEEyn

unrequited luv for a friend. this article was actually not bad.

http://archive.is/V8Vc6

it links to this captain awkward blog. not sure if thats as bad as dr nerdlove.

QUOTES

I have had people try to convince me that I was wrong to break up with them or to decline to deepen or continue a relationship. The trajectory of those interactions ranged from sad to annoying to terrifying. I have tried to convince people not to break up with me, to give me one more chance. I can only pray that they (plural ‘they’, unfortunately, not the groovy gender-neutral singular construction) have long since deleted the Emails of Desperation and Neediness I sent. You’ve all seen how wordy I can be here, now imagine that “talent” and energy applied to convincing you that you really, really should stay with me even though you don’t want to, complete with numbered lists of reasons and airtight logic cases for why it really, really should work out.
 Hounding those people – people who genuinely liked and cared for me but who just didn’t want what I wanted – is one of my true regrets in life. I would give a lot to be able to take it all back, to disengage more gracefully from those past relationships, to save my dignity, their patience, and to be true to a principle of consent in all things. Fortunately, I did eventually learn that you cannot logic someone into loving you back. My life got so much better when I learned that lesson and I hope yours does, too.
another

He is also doing that common thing that stalkers and abusers do by repeatedly mentioning how he “let it go” and “eased up.” This stands out because it should go without mention that you listen when somebody tells you that they are not interested. As a result, this letter waves ALL the red flags.

another

I once knew a guy who was absolutely certain that if he could just get his ex alone in a room for half an hour and show her his PowerPoint presentation explaining why she should not have left him, she would see the light and get back together with him. Don’t be that guy, LW. Don’t be anything at all like that guy. Be as unlike that guy as you can manage to be. If you catch yourself thinking “maybe if I just text her exactly the right way” or “maybe if I time my commute so that I just happen to run into her at the train station” or anything else that amounts to “maybe if I ignore her stated desire for me to leave her alone”, repeat to yourself: PowerPoint Guy would do that thing. I don’t want to be him. I will not do that thing.

END

yeah well i did “let it go” and “eased up”, also she was giving mixed as fook signals, saying yes we will hang out, never directly telling me no. of course her finishing move clearly said no and then i wrote 3 desperate emails begging for her to Think About It; and then just begging her to Please Respond.

yeah it was pathetic and desperate and power pointy but

http://archive.is/IPwcf

sort of similar case.

anyway that everyday feminism site is radical as fook, and downright evil.

http://archive.is/JxGFu

how to deal with the horrible idea of jealous regarding polyamory, and be happy about being cucked. well this is written by a poly woman, probably a doike hahahaha

http://archive.is/pf87e

on effective communication. this one was actually good. say “i feel x when you y.” i thought you had to avoid saying “you” altogether, but if THIS degen ovenworthy site says you can say “you” or xou or zyo or your preferred pronoun, well then hell i can say you. as long as you start off owning your feelings with the i statement. i feel sad and worthless when you avoid me.

http://archive.is/C66xs

the goddamn sjw freaks who write this trash. i am surprised any of them use cisgender pronouns at all! if you let yourself be referred to as she or he you are internalizing your own cisoppression!!!!!

http://archive.is/1pEpX

former man writes about how women are not emotional infants that need a man to tell them what they want. that women are grown adults who can make good decisions. oh how i wish that degenerate were right!

so really im not OWED anything. she doesnt OWE me an Explanation.

well i would respond to that, because of the fact that we were friends for so long, she OWES me at least a TEXT saying “Sorry But No” because of common courtesy.

yeah i was desperate and pathetic but stop shitting on the power point guy, theyre desperate because their heart is broken!!!!!!!!

but you are a rapist because youre not Acknowledging Consent, and trying to Coerce them, and get around Consent. You dont take no for an answer, you dont respect wmens CONSENT, therefore you are an abuser and dont respect this woman.

well it took me a few weeks to realize what she was saying, and in my final email i said, ok, obviously you dont want to be with me, but PLEASE respond to me and say sorry, thats all i want, i dont want to MAKE you do anything.

then i went NC and have been that way ever since. so i dont think i was being creepy power point guy in total denial. plus SOME denial is natural part of grief, bitches.

march 12

ht     tp://pastebin.com/raw/jTQUXuQq

TRS forum, should porn and strip clubs be BANNED. obviously we all agree they are bad and degenerate. should the state ban them is a question that sets a huge debate between white fascists and white lolbertarians, including an eastern european who lived under communism and is suspicious of powerful states.

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10351659/opinions-of-a-man-who-ends-it-with-a-woman-after-2-years-by-ghosting

hehehe woman had an online relationship with a man and he Ghosted aka Abandoned her without notice is a less GAY GHOST way of putting it.

mar 13

had stupid dream with the woman. she was talking to another woman and i was trying to butt into the conversation like a pushy beta. i was right there, they were just having their own separate conversation. she was talking about her friend was doing drugs and she was sad and would have to stop seeing them if they didnt stop. yes very sad but the right thing to do. dont hang out with druggies and dont do drugs yourself. then she was talking about a person  who was rumored to have done something horrible, like K somebody, but he got away with it, and not sure how true the rumors were. i butted in and said wait ayo hol up, are you talking about your druggie friend or someone else who supposedly K’d somebody?

she rolled her eyes and said ugh and was clearly annoyed with me and wanted me to Leave, and said it was a male friend she had a very, very, very small crush on.

see women can get crushes on guys and be interested in guys and get feelings for guys too. in this case they are MORE than willing to hang out with the guy, talk to him, respond to him, and get upset when he ignores her.

at that point i got really passive aggressive butthurt and said oh you have a small crush on a guy. you think you could ever have a small crush on ME? you wanna talk to me about what’s been happening with us? you know I have a small crush on you? what do you think about that?

and then the dream suddenly ended, or I suddenly woke up.

during the whole dream she was very annoyed at me, I was acting kinda annoying and pushy and Asshurt. we were both at our worst. not cool.

also she looked different, like a different person, not the person I knew. I guess this is kinda good because it means i am moving on from her and cant remember what she looks like. well of COURSE i remember what she LOOKS like. but its best for that to be a faded memory. but this is prob a symbol that the person she became was NOT the person I knew. Not the person I was friends with. definitely not the person i fell in luv with. Yes it is sad. She changed to a different person. I changed too. I changed in a big way but not to a different PERSON. I was still the same person who wanted the best for her and never to hurt her. and she changed from someone who cared about me, to someone who didnt care enough to Do Something for me.

did i mention i am switching to the elliptical now. it feels like it is a better Workout than the treadmill. although your motion is a little different. especially when you try to go fast. feels weird and not like walking or jogging. but they say its better on your joints. plus i feel i am building muscle because i usually have on a high level of tension and can feel some bern.

 

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