CANT TELL IF BEING BLOCKED OR JUST IGNORED

0218

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

how do think this is an ok way to end a rel? how do you think what youre doing is acceptable and ok? how can you not see this is not a good thing? there may be no legal code on how to end a rel the right way, but there are some basics that you should know, that even I know, who has never been in a real rel hahahaha. if one person reaches out and says please dont treat me like garbage to throw away, we had a long term friendship that needs to be acknowledged respectfully…..uhh try to do the right thing and do what theyre asking. ask your older wiser relatives for help on how to do this, even if you dont have a father, your mother seems smart enough to know what to do here.

you might think that you can end a 3 year friendship with the snap of a finger, but you cant. not even for nihilistic sociopath bitches whose only relationships are the farcical machinations of The Relationship Simulator, would be able to tell you that a Three Year Friendship is INCONTROVERTIBLE EVIDENCE, OBJECTIVE FACT, that something important and long term was established here. it doesnt matter that we wanted different things, that i wanted to upgrade and she wanted to downgrade. thats true, but its IRRELEVANT to the fact that there is a three year friendship here that is being DESTROYED. and ANY court of law or court of dr phil hahahaha would agree that you cant just snap your fingers, wave a magic wand and undo/erase/delete a 3 year friendship. EVEN IF that friendship is On The Rocks. doesnt matter. irrelevant. long term relationships just dont die this way. it takes a process, a procedure, it takes time, it doesnt happen over night. it doesnt matter if she wasnt committed and i was. this wasnt a four month Relationship Simulation. it was a Three Year Real Deal. that is a Real Relationship. doesnt matter if its a normal friendship, or a fooking passive aggressive clusterfook where you fook and lie to each other and emotionally abuse and manipulate and betray each other like whos afraid of virginia woolf hahahahaha. at least they had secs once a year and she couldnt bring herself to just walk out on him hahahaha. they had a GREAT rel compared to me and her hahahaha.

you hate him so much? JUST LEAVE THEN. if they dont leave you, they still luv you. and with me, women have had NO PROBLEM saying its over im done and just walking out. absolutely not at ALL willing to put ANYTHING into the rel. feels good man hahahaha. no loyalty or commitment or luv. just im done, its over, im walking out now.

but even SHE should FEEL something, even SHE shouldnt be able to abort a 3 year friendship without feeling ANYTHING.

so if she feels bad….why not do something about it, to stop feeling bad? because she is THAT afraid of Confrontation. avoids it THAT much. she would rather feel bad, than confront me, meaning communicate with me at all.

so does that mean i should contact her through every weird way possible? no of course not. she blocked me on facebook, so i should contact her on okcupid, where she hasnt blocked me yet? also i have no way of knowing if she’s blocked my email or not, the way i can prove that she’s blocked me on facebook. fb is unique in that you can figure out if youve been blocked. email, or phone, you just cant be sure if youre being BLOCKED or just IGNORED.

am i being BLOCKED or IGNORED. hahahahaha. does it really MATTER? this is a joke see. hahahaha. it really doesnt MATTER. its an unknown unknown. in either case its the other persons responsibility to let you know when theyve stopped ignoring or blocking you. and they probably wont want to!

Basically i am allowed to be upset, VERY upset even, that someone i had a Proven, Objective, Factual, UNDENIABLE Three Year Friendship with, decided to end that friendship immediately and unilaterally and very disrespectfully, taking a real, objectively valuable thing, and throwing it in the garbage. therefore, i have a right to be upset. and god damn am i ever upset.

hehehe whos afraid of virginia woolf had a better stronger rel than me and her had hahahahaha ooosh thats bad.

yeah well i thought it was stronger than that. i knew there were issues but i didnt think she was about to PULL THE PLUG like that.

i knew things were in trouble, but i didnt think they were THAT bad. cuz she never gave me an ultimatum or even had a serious talk with me. i welcomed the chance! but noooooo.

so i was NAIVE because i was too attached to her?

theres limitations to this stupid argument. it doesnt let people get away with shitty things just because. THATS LIKE YOUR OPINION MAAAAAN. Thats just your PERCEPTION, thats not Provable Reality. Its only in your Mind. this rel existed only in your MIND, so its YOUR problem, you cant say SHE did anything wrong. cuz in HER mind, there was nothing, no rel.

so, to rebut/refute that, i present as evidence exhibit A, a 3 year friendship.

EVIDENCE. that it was not all in my head. that it was real for her too. maybe timestamps of all the times i hung out with her and things we did for each other.

basically, saying “the relationship existed only in the other person’s mind” does NOT give you license to do shitty things to them. like try to fooking DELETE a 3 year friendship, no strings attached.

dunno. i just hate how someone i thought was muh friend would rather get fooked by diseased dicks, than ever talk to me ever again. so stupid. just because the bitch hates communication.

i am so not equipped to handle this. i wanted to show her, dont be scared of me, im not mad at you, i will always be willing to talk to you. but i AM kinda mad at her. but yeah i still want to talk to her, because i want her, want a chance at her, etc. hate that she would rather get fooked by strange dick than ever see me again, etc.

this is IMPOSSIBLE to get over. i understand that GOD needs to TEST me, but did it have to be THIS hardcore? this test is not making me stronger but weaker and worse.

its also sad that i will have great difficulty finding a woman i get along with better than HER, the person who did THIS. i hadnt gotten along with a woman that well in at least 5 years, she was possibly the closest female friend i ever had in my LIFE, and it STILL ended this horribly. she couldnt even respect me enough to write me an email. she could have even said in the email, ok after this email, im blocking/ignoring everything you send me.

oh its not abandonment because she didnt consent to the relationship, she was out of the relationship, and i didnt know.

I didnt know because she didnt TELL ME!

When you have a three year friendship, its YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to TELL the other person you want out when you want out. PERIOD. PERIOD. FULL STOP. THE END.

Its natural and a part of life that relationships come to an end. sometimes its mutual. sometimes its not.

but yeah the good lord threw this test at me and i just cant handle it. i just want the increased dose of citalopram to kick in. hope to GOD it does. in an ideal world i wouldnt take this stuff. its funny. that woman was staunchly against SSRI drugs, believed they erased your memory and caused brain damage and made you a good goy slave for the 1% or whatever hahahaha. now she was into conspiracies and i am into conspiracies a bit too. and i went through a staunch anti SSRI phase myself. and i am STILL stuanchly against many other types of meds, including female birth control pill, which i believe fooks up womens minds and turns them into sociopath monsters.

but i take muh SSRIs because my mind is already fooked up and i am DESPERATE for something that actually works even a little bit.

the only thing that seemed to work was a close friendship with a woman. that would probably evolve into a Luv thing.

working a bigboy fulltime job didnt help; exercising didnt really help. i was at my most confident when things were going good with HER. which they have not been going good with her since end of year 2014 hahaha.

yeah closure comes from within, but a GOOD DEAL of it CAN come from without. the other person can CHOOSE to make it a LOT easier on you and give you a LOT of closure so that it saves you a LOT of time and heartbreak and pain. and why shouldn’t they. see relationship bill of rights and RESPONSIBILITIES.

TELL the person you want to get out of the rel, try to be gentle to them, try to give them some closure, respect them, respect their PAIN that is in large part caused by YOU. appreciate that YOU are gonna HURT them. dont just SHIRK all this because you hate confrontation. i hate confrontation too. but i would NEVER do this to somebody.

well lets look at it this way. did Bugging Her ever get me what I wanted, ever? when i Bugged her to hang out, she refused to hang out. if i Bug her to give me respect and closure and respond, you think shes gonna respond? fook no!

not that i was super bugging her. and not that she wasnt being ridiculously unreasonable! meaning, i only “BUGGED” her once every 2 weeks, and she kept saying no. no. stupid excuse. maybe later. avoiding and avoiding for 10 months. cant even hang out wiht me ONCE in ten months of me “bugging” her at reasonable, non-bugging intervals. fook me.

shit yeah im going crazy, ever since. and im not ALLOWED to tell her any of this because shes decided shes done with me, and if i come after her saying IM MAD AT U, WHAT U DID WAS WRONG, U SHOULD FEEL BAD, then that makes me the stalker bad guy, and i dont really want to be that.

0219

i didnt deserve this.

2. i will NEVER fully understand this.

3. what IS clear and unambiguous is that she does not want to be in a rel with me. not gonna happen.

4. nobody deserves to be thrown away aka ABANDONED.

5. its not just a matter of perception or opinion. you just cant dispose of a three year relship like this, period. there are roots which go deep.

6. some people are just THAT hellbent on avoiding confrontation of any kind, at all costs, by any means necessary.

7. the avoiding confrontation “explanation” is going to be the best “explanation” im ever going to get here. stop wasting energy trying to figure shit out…..because its IMPOSSIBLE to figure shit out without her cooperation.

8. she could not be LESS willing to cooperate. i directly asked for mercy and she rejected that requested. said no mercy for you.

9. this is legimately sucky and shitty and i am RIGHT to be very upset. VERY upset. she flushed away a 3 year friendship without even talking to me. thats legit objectively preponderance of evidence court of law admissable shitty. i have a RIGHT to be very upset. but i can eventually get over the EXTREME pain and move on with my life, and that is my ultimate goal.

0220

yeah shit i mean i just dont get how i could have SO MUCH to want to say to her…..and she could have NOTHING she wanted to say to me. i had 1000000000 pages worth of stuff i wanted to tell her, get off my chest, just have her heart it. and after a 3 year friendship where i KNOW i was at one time important and valuable to her…..now she s able to throw it away and not have a single word she wants to tell me. and wont respond to me when i ask her to.

yeah just boggles the mind.

i have written SO MUCH because theres SO MUCH i want to TELL HER. boggles the mind how she has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to say to me. not even “fook you, you betrayed me, you liar”. at least then i would know exactly what she was thinking, as WRONG as it would be, i would know where she stood regarding me, other than simply never wanting to talk to me again.

is it because her father abandoned her, and as a close male friend, i also became kind of a symbolic father figure to her? and this was the perfect chance for her to get revenge on HIM by doing the same thing he did to her, on her stand-in symbolic father, ie ME????!!??!

maybe. file that one alongside all the other unprovable theories.

but yeah. that was the thought that came to me yesterday: how could she have NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT ALL THIS? oh maybe she did, but not to me. shes got nothing to say to ME. why the hell not? we were friends for 3 years and youre just gonna shut me out have NOTHING to say to me? at least tell me WHY youre punishing me! people who get punished usually have an idea of what they did. i…..my idea is that she’s punishing me for “betraying” her…..but she doesnt understand that i didnt really betray her.

i mean is it REALLY THAT UNHEARD OF for a man to get feelings for his young woman friend? is that really so out of the realm of possibility? especially when they get along so well and supposedly had a lot of shared values, things in common, similar personalities, etc.

https://archive.is/4ICWb

marriage, men, masculinity; using game for the right reasons, ie finding a good decent traditional woman for a longterm monog child-bearing rel, rather than degen sodomy with degen sluts.

ok maybe this is a private topic only, they are doing heavier moderation on the forums now. yeah pretty sure you have to be logged in as a member in order to read it now. and archive.is wont save anything that you need to be logged in for. which makes sense.

anyway. yeah. that was the thing that was bothering me. i have SO MUCH stuff to say TO her, that i want to say to her, but i cant, so i write stuff she will never see, just so i can get it out, and in many cases i end up spinning my wheels in a rut. its just weird that i have SO MUCH i want to say to her, and she has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  Is that hate? is is disrespect? i dont even know what it is but its not good. i mean if i am mad at somebody, i would want to tell them why i was mad at them, hahahaha, assuming i were better at confrontation. but i dont even really get MAD at specific people for specific things, i generally dont rock the boat and get along ok with people.  except for her.

but yeah if i got along SO WELL with her, then we would have been able to communicate better.

i wish i knew the moment that she was checked out. cuz i didnt think she was THAT MUCH checked out. i thought she would cool off and EVENTUALLY respond to me. because how can you flush away someone you spent 3 years of your life with? i couldnt do that! yet im jealous of the men she DOES luv, i wish i could have her luv ME like that. not want to give up on me. have her be willing to fight for a rel with ME.

i mean one person is building a bridge towards the other person, who is building a wall. both people need to be building bridges towards each other.

theres also the bullshit of women playing “hard to get” and you have to “do all the work”, vs they actually dont want anything to do with you. i think she actually just didnt want anything to do with me. which was hard to accept and impossible to understand, since we “got along so well” for 3 years.

i thought we DID get along better than that though. we DID! we USED to hang out and have good talks.

but it was like she SENSED it the SECOND i got feelings and from that moment, BANNED me from hanging out with her!

but it was complicated because we saw each other every day and talked every day at work. and she responded to my texts outside of work. and prior to this we were outside of work friends. i just wanted to hang out wiht her outside of work like we USED to. i mean the work environment was horrible and i could never relax and have a serious friendly talk with her.

a damn small peanut butter and jelly sandwich has like 450 calories hahahaha.

heh. i cant believe i have to stay to 1570 calories a day just to lose 1 pound a week. i can eat 1570 calories in ONE MEAL. at 1570 calories a day you are hungry all the time except right after you eat a small meal which you kinda wanta eat more!

but yeah its really really hard to leave something unfinished and to accept we will never have an answer. never really experienced this before. in the past it was pretty clear that women were intentionally dumping me and then i quickly moved into a hatred/anger phase, when now i’m MUCH more on a blaming myself / still being in luv with her phase that is lasting forever. but it IS clear she is intentionally dumping me!

but i kinda want her to KNOW HOW SHITTY of a thing this is do to, like i need to stand up for myself and say what you did fooking SUCKS, you should NEVER EVER EVER EVER do that to a person, because it hurts them a LOT. SHAME on you. you need to be punished and spend some time seriously thinking about why what you did was horrible and wrong.

and when i say punished, i mean i would love to give her a good spanking, but that would have an obvious large erotic aspect. like i am spanking the woman i love and fairly getting off to it and afterwards we will live happily ever after.

but as far as physical pain or even emotional/psych torture, i have no urge to like beat the shit out of her or something, like guys who beat their wives to death with closed fists or blunt objects hahahaha. just a good spanking.

like i dont want to do anything to HURT her, i dont want to HURT anyone. but i DO want her to feel GUILT and SHAME for doing a BAD thing. write me a 10,000 word essay on why its wrong. seriously.

and also i kinda want her to get punished by unlucky events in life, and laughing bitterly at her fallen shameful life; especially like getting knocked up by a deadbeat and being a white trash single mother who can’t keep a man and who just can’t pick a damn decent man who will treat her right. like me hahahahaha. she will always pick an Actual Badboy over a Good Guy. and when i say bad boy, i dont mean like a tough guy alpha male good guy like The Don, i mean like deadbeat pill poppers and alcoholics and cheaters and deadbeats and pump and dump types. she literally is not calibrated to pick men who are good for her. again this probably comes from her father. naturally i wanted to save her. it seemed like she COULD be saved: she wasnt too far gone, we got along so well, she was very nice and sweet to me, she hadnt been with too many guys, so lets at least TALK ABOUT the idea of taking our friendship to a deeper level.

but yeah she didnt give me any hints she was gonna do THIS. i knew things were coming to a boil but i did NOT anticipate or prepare for this. i knew shit was in trouble but i thought we would have some sort of argument at least. i did not expect to be abandoned and blocked from all discussion. i expected to be screamed at and called a piece of shit and having a big scene like that. but not this.

well i guess now the good news is that i know how to prepare for this sort of situation in the future: if there is tension growing, address it openly ASAP rather than waiting; tell them what you need to say in person even if they are avoiding you outside of work hahahaha.

see this is such a strange situation because im not some beta orbiter stalking the qt gurl at the office, where the rel is ALL IN HIS HEAD. we were real life friends BEFORE we both started this job at the same time. and then essentially got downgraded from real life friends to work friends, while for 10 months i struggled and begged her to hang out with me outside of work, and she avoided me with excuses rather than just saying no.

so, dont take bullshit like that. say, we havent hung out in 3 months. we didnt hang out for tgiving OR xmas OR new years and i thought we would. whats going on here. what are you thinking and feeling. i want to hang otu with you and i am HURT that we NEVER have any time together.

she might not like me having feelings for her, but i thought i was an important person in her life, and that she would CARE ABOUT ME, CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS. she had done so before! and when you CARE about a person, you just dont throw them away!

like you know when you are upset or mad at someone you luv. you know that in a few days you will cool off and hopefully talk about your situation. but DEEP DOWN you never  lose sight of the fact that you care about them, you dont want to GET RID of them, you’re just upset at them RIGHT NOW. even when you’re in the depths of anger. you know its only temporary and you need to cool off.

well, unless its one of those things THIS IS THE LAST STRAW! IM LEAVING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!! the type of people that are always giving dramatic ultimatums at every fight.

well she never gave dramatic ultimatums but what she did was essentially carrying out an unspoken dramatic ultimatum. but there wasnt a PATTERN of this happening either, so that made it harder for me to anticipate it and prepare for it! there was no PATTERN of fighting and silent treatment! this was our first, only, and last major fight!

and also the thought that she would throw away a 3 year relationship over ONE fight. yeah it was kinda a big fight but…….

i was facing her with my arms open, welcoming her to come to me, trust me, be with me, talk to me; she was facing the other way with her arms crossed essentially. and then walked away and never looked back. it doesnt matter HOW open i was to her since she was as CLOSED as a person can BE to me.

ideally both people are facing each OTHER with open arms.

but do women show you any WILL? i dont know if this is agency or what….but YES i think they DO show SOME sort of damn INTEREST or WILL or WANT when they WANT to do something with you: spend time with you, be with you, work on your relship problems with you, talk it out.

heh. i would have been TOTALLY willing to go to a Relationship Counselor. i would be the type begging my Partner to go to a Relship Counselor. and my partner would stubbornly refuse. nein nein nein nein nein nein nein!!!!!

OR………they would not even say nein, they would just sigh ugh, walk away, abandon me, block me, ignore me, ban me, never respond to me, and never talk to me ever again, leaving me to go crazy for the next year at least hahahahaha.

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