MEN ARE GOOD COMMUNICATORS, WOMEN ARE HORRIBLE COMMUNICATORS

0210

ok. the doc wants me to come in for damn office visit, and i said if it comes to that, then i will argue for a higher dose of citalopram. go from 20 to i dunno 40. i aint no doctor hahahaha.

but hopefully the doc approves and also that the increased dose miraculously transforms my lazy and shitty brain hahahahah and gives me the alpha confidence needed to get a 12 DAHJ hahahaha. thats not even enough to hang out with white people. i was eavesdropping on some successful whites younger than me that were judging someone for making 25k a year hahahahahahahahaha.

i luv white people and being white but my god they know how to cut a person down to size: you are unworthy because you only make 25k a year. wow. hehehehehe of course i have only made 25k a year or more in one year of my life hahahaha.

it was an ok feeling being a bigboy, but my mind was also a Train Wreck In Slow Motion because i cant handle Normal Emotional Stress than Normies Can. meaning i need to learn to Self Soothe better. not use drugs, or alcohol, or whatever. i have valiums that i can pop in an emergency hahahaha but i am saving those for on the job stress.

yeah its one thing when you have never hung out with a gurl and she gives you excuses over and over again for not hanging out. its a TOTALLY DIFFERENT thing when you used to be friends and USED to hang out regularly and easily, and then the hanging out stops for a damn long time, and you have to Just Accept that they dont want to hang out with you any more. well its hard to accept. for me, the issue needs to be confronted directly. i just cant hear “well hang out someday” and just ACCEPT that we will never hang out again because thats the hint, thats the signal i should be reading.

still i want dr phil and his female staffers to agree with me that its shitty to end a long term friendship that has become complicated, without even a message.

yep i cant imagine ever getting feelings for a woman again.

and if i do? i almost dont want to, because feelings are BAD and feelings HURT you so much you become a damn wreck and remind yourself of what a fookin crazy weak unfit non normie failure at life you are, you cant handle or deal with life and luv and feelings and rejection, you are defective and broken hahahaha.

theres no damn textbook for this! theres no classroom for this! but there should be! i mean these situations might not happen to EVERYONE but they probably happen to 25-50% of people and thats good enough to be written about and have Expert Opinions on!

so yeah thats what i want to make sure the world court knows. i wasnt some random beta orbiter who never hung out with her, who was begging for Babys First Hangout. I had hung out with her quite a bit over the previous couple years. then the hanging out stopped and i got frustrated.

and the hanging out, when it happened, was the result of a pretty much effortless Friendship where i didnt DO anything special. I just went with the Flow and didnt have to worry about making the right decisions and analyzing anything. now when i say effortless i dont mean that i didnt put anything IN.  like i didnt put in any “effort.” or i blew her off. we each gave and we each got. it was an equal exchange. we were on the same page. there was no overcompensation or overtrying or anything. it was very natural, smooth, easy, fun, good, no drama, no ridiculousness, no me scheming like an omega to try to get a hangout in her busy schedule once every 6 months, no trying to lead her to anything. we just made small talk very naturally and became friends very naturally and that was so rare for me and i was grateful to get along with a woman so easily.  so yeah of course it sucks to have that go SO WRONG.

google how do you convince your female friend you didnt betray them by getting feelings for them hahaha

google how to convince your gf that you are not abusing her when you are really not abusing her

i mean shit. dont YOU feel better when you are NOT hurting people?

thats what gets me about the easy way out argument. over the long term, i would just feel too damn guilty about hurting someone, and that guilt would push me to apologize to them eventually. just to try to get rid of the pain of my own damn guilt. how can you live with that?

how could you live with someone who could live with that hahahahaha.

how can you get along SO WELL….and then end up getting along SO SHITTY. wasnt all that good will and getting along….didnt that build some kind of foundation that couldnt be easily swept away?

heh. i used to be a leftist feminist because i believed women could be treated as Adults who could make decisions, do the right thing, be decent people, hahahaha. and i hate being proven wrong over and over again. that you HAVE to treat women like stupid children or else they will fook you over.

well w2012 was mature. she handled things very well.

but she was a Lesbian!

well i dont KNOW that for SURE. i just suspect it. if anything she was asexual.

so then i can disqualify her because shes not NORMAL. so if a woman treats me with respect………SHES NOT NORMAL.  if a woman rejects me in a grown up respectful way……..SHES NOT NORMAL. Normal women BTFO you and make you wish youd never been born hahahahaha.

i wasnt treated like SHIT!  I was treated exactly the way i deserved! i brought it on myself!

see these thoughts keep coming back.

i mean i can read signals but for important things, i dont rely on signals alone. i need to have the awkward talk.

SO i can apply that same standard to her! if SHE was about to make an important decision, ie, dump me, get out of rel……couldnt SHE have wanted to TALK about it to confirm the signals she was getting from ME? something like, your signals seem to say that you like me, is that accurate? then i would say errrrrrrrrrrrm yes, im sorry i didnt bring this up early but i was trying, but anyway im glad we are talking now thank you, but yes i do have feelings for you

ok all i needed to know, thanks for confirming. so now im gonna dump you.

maybe she was that confident that my signals said what was on my mind. so that she could just Take The Hint and Not Have To Talk about it.

heh. its just stupid how bad women are at communicating. worst communicators ever. they act like men are such bad communicators but men are THE BEST communicators, women are HORRIBLE at it. period.

no thats not true oh god it cant be true hahahahaha.

but if i just ACCEPTED that women are stupid children then i would be much more at peace with the world!

i dunno maybe. yet the shrink i see once every 3 weeks is a WOMAN and good lord the DOCTOR i am going to see tomorrow is a WOMAN. and i dont particularly distrust them to do jobs that take intelligence and skill and good judgment!

but im not in an Intimate Rel with them, or looking to be! maybe they are like stupid fooking children in their own intimate rels!

or they are married to Tough Alpha Men who dont take their fookin bullshit and say you better not act like a litle child or IM GONE.

well basically if someone is ANGRY at you but they REFUSE to talk to you…….uhhh then thats kinda the end of that. but yeah that makes me feel like i wasnt given a chance. not even talking about “give luv a chance.” no. i mean, give ME a chance to just be heard and be understood. not asking for luv. just asking for a Seat At The Discussion Table.

it would have been LESS complicated if we were actually dating ie fooking. because then it would have been easier to blame her, paint her as the bad guy, and say i REALLY didnt deserve this. but since we werent, the dr phil jury can say, well, she felt you betrayed the friendship when you got feelings, so shes just acting in accordance with that.

0211

heh. went to docker to extend rx for citalopram and also try to increase the dose. the whole appt was smooth and easy like a little angel. well apart from them unlocking the front door a little late after “LUNCH” and there being an arab man and wife with two small children (one baby) and speaking arabic hahahahaha. there was a white male medical assistant which i dont see those very much so good for him. then i was visited by a white male “extern” who i just assumed was a medical student? or maybe he passed his medical tests and was now doing a residency or internship at a hospital. even better. he was younger than me but there are full blown MDs who are younger than me now lololololol. but he was nice and he was white so even if he was a 101 iq white moron like me, i was happy.

i didnt even have to go in great detail about why i wanted an increase and give euphemisms for the emotional wreckage that is my stupid pain in the ass brain, doctor just said ok we can increase, see you in 6 months.

ANYWAY it was kinda weird they let people stand out in the cold for a good 3 minutes because it is like 18 degrees and really too cold to stand outside for 3 minuets hahahaha.

https://vimeo.com/153064589

the waifview, an alt right womens podcast, on this one they talk about ABORTION and they are not anti abortion enough for me hahahaha. they need a MAN to MANSPLAIN how their female bodies work and how Human Life Works.

i dunno i am not really interested in listening to Women Talk right now, i am so woman hating i will disagree with everythign any woman says, even an Alt Right Women. will not be anti abortion enough for me, anti slut enough for me.

as they say on the fatherland, i am letting the Perfect be the Enemy of the Good. meaning, you kinda throw out the baby with the bathwater. meaning, you get so perfectionistic that you will not accept anything less than 100% success, so you miss out and have opportunity costs when you coulda done pretty good otherwise, but pretty good isnt good enough for you, because you were holding out for perfect.

i dunno. its JUST RIDICULOUS that someone would think this is an acceptable way to End A Rel. Like, a Rel that had gone on for 3 years and had a lot of good in it. its just not a proper way to end a rel. youre supposed to show respect for the good times.

AYO HOL UP

thats what im trying to tell you DR PHIL.

not that i EXPECTED any LUV in return, but i DID expect that the relship would be ended in a more DIGNIFIED, RESPECTFUL way, more befitting a good and friendly and important long term rel. rather than try to pretend it never existed. because it damn sure DID exist. i just wanted her to tell me We Had Some Good Times. why do i need HER to tell me that? I know we did! well because i need to hear her say it, so i know its wasnt ALL IN MY MIND. but i KNOW it wasnt all in my mind. i felt that our peak was about sept 2013 thru sept 2014. approx.

i dunno. i guess i need to know it was important and good for her too.

ay hol up the 19 year old boy i gave compassionate advice to on his bitch gurlfran messaged me and said i was nice and he wanted to ask me some more questions. i did not reply hahahahahahah. well i dont have a 3 year relship with him. i mean she is gonna not give him a fair chance, and dump him, hes gonna be heartbroken, and thats all there is to it. just get with other young girls while u are in college man. bang some other young beautiful slut, try to forget the other young beautiful slut, theyre all the same, and they will never be this hot again hahahaha.

also i just hate the idea that the whole thing was in my head, becuase with other women, the whole thing was in my head. but here, the whole thing was NOT in my head in the sense that we had SOME sort of actual real life rel that she got something out of as well as me. even just to be liked as a friend is important. for a woman to show any loyalty and long term friendship with me is important. usually i am just some unimportant idiot whos around for a few months. and the way shit ended, she was acting like i was not important, and the rel was not important, and made it real easy to paint the whole rel with that horrible brush. i liked that she liked me in other words, and i dont like thinking that was a fake.

0212

i dunno. the decent thing to do would say, awwww, he still likes me, he is gonna be hurt, i dont want to hurt him too much, he doesnt deserve that. and NOT: he is a huge piece of shit and deserves all the pain he gets, i hope he suffers a LOT, hope he K’s himself because thats what a huge peice of shit he is! how can you TURN on somebody like that, and understand a situation SO wrong?

oh well at least i was approved for 40 mg citalopram, up from 20.

yesterday i was driving on the road that i usually took to muh job and i suddenly got a deep feeling of dread, like i was going in for 8+ hours of awful bullshit, answering a constantly ringing phone and wondering how i was gonna handle the ridiculous questions. drinking too much coffee and always having to p00p. putting up with female “friend” being a huge bitch. having to tell people i have no idea whats going on, i cant help you, i dont know, and i cant put you in touch with someone who can help you. you are just out of luck, there is nothing we can do. i dont think. sorry you dont think think i understand your issue. becuase i sort of do hahahahaha. i just dont understand why my higher ups refuse to try to fix it. probably because they think it will cost too much money. but i dont understand their line of reasoning there. I would love to have a higher up take a look at the case for 1 hour before they came to that conclusion. but they SHUT IT DOWN. im on your side buddy, i really went to bat for you against those higher up bastards hahahaha but they shut it down.

i cant even talk to the people who are advising me, you think YOU can talk to them? i am trying to get their attention in a chat room, like a piggie fighting for a tit. and hell no im not sure he understood your problem as i hurriedly tried to explain it in one sentence that quickly scrolled away in the chat room. cuz his explanation sure didnt make sense? however the issue didnt make sense to me to begin with, thats why i asked for help, so i was in no position to be able to evaluate if his RESPONSE made sense.

and this was our job, hour after hour, day after day. this is why i went home and STUDIED job stuff. this is why i came in early to read emails and memos and memorize flashcards. this is why i stayed late to HELP newer people.

the whole fookin thing was disgusting hahahaha. and when i got a “flashback” of it yesterday while driving on that road….i was glad i was done with that place hahaha.

i dont know what to do!!!!!

FIGURE IT OUT. that was essentially our job. and if you didnt figure it out right, welp, it would probably break again within 48 hours, they would call back, and now because it was a persistent issue, it could be escalated for someone “SMARTER” to look at and maybe come up with a better line of bullshit to explain it.

i dunno. i Empathized with the callers too much. I didnt like telling them things couldnt be fixed, and I understood how a simple explanation could go a long way: if you cant fix it, at least try to explain it to me. and when you couldnt even do THAT……extreme anger and frustration ensued. i thought how can our company get away with this?

because they werent REALLY serious problems. but i didnt understand how they werent serious problems.

heh. its kinda like you spend your life thinking youre smart, then take an iq test and discover you have a 101 iq. perfectly average. the job underminded muh confidence and taught me, ya know, im just not as smart as i think i am. i dunno the solution to your problem. i dont have anything i can say to know. i just dunno. sorry. youre calling me for help and to fix shit, and the best i can do for you is say I DUNNO.  i cant transfer you to someone more experienced because they wont approve it. because they are trying to limit the mobs of people trying to get answers from them. because SO MANY PEOPLE want answers, but SO FEW PEOPLE have them.

realistically, you shouldnt call tier 1 and expect anything close to an explanation. you should EXPECT someone who sounds untrained, who SOUNDS like they dont really know what theyre doing, like they are grasping at straws, and you should EXPECT that they wont be able to transfer you to someone “better” until theyve struggled with your issue for at least 30 minutes.

i dunno i guess all help desks arent THAT bad. all call centers arent THAT bad. all women arent THAT bad. but are they?

also i was thankful that the callers were mostly polite and understanding and nice. so is that the tradeoff you must make? for nice callers, you must accept impossible issues? fr easy issues, you must accept horrible callers?

how about you just get a question and answer it and you are confident that you actually did the right thing.

yeah but if you didnt, it would just break again the next day and then it would get escalated and a smarter person would find a better answer to it.

well i used to keep track of everything i got escalated so i could look at it later and see what was done. (this is just one Marker of Excellence which separated me from the Average Mediocrity of my female former friend, who had a very black, r-selected approach: just give shitty wrong answers, and not care about it.  rather than like me, obsess over The Truth and Finding The Right Answer, and getting frustrated and flustered over all that. just Accept The Shit, and stop being flustered over giving wrong answers. that was her solution. to someone who strives to be an Excellent White, that shit sounds black as hell to me. high time preference, unhelpful black mamma jamma trying to get this cracka off the phone as quickly as possible, give them the RUNAROUND, PASS THE BUCK.

i might only be 101 iq, but she was at LEAST 10 below me. like where you can tell there is a MARKED difference. she is SIGNIFICANTLY dumber than me. like 90 iq at best she was. hahahahhaa. but i didnt care. and i kinda liked being the smarter one. especially if she looked up to me and thought i was smart. that was a confidence builder for me too.

i am not looking for a damn intellectual equal hahahaha. also i am not nearly as smart as i thought i was anyway. i probably dont have the capacity to solve basic computer problems anyway hahahaha. i am ideally looking for someone a LITTLE dumber than me. someone who thinks IM smart. i used to LAMENT that women were so DUMB and WHY CANT i find an Intellectual Equal, well, a large part of this is Just What Women Are, and you gotta learn to ACCEPT it. and i did!

i just now refuse to accept that they have to be huge sluts with over 10 guys.

i dunno. i will just never understand why she got SO UPSET with me. well because i guess when you get feelings for a female friend, its the worst thing ever, makes you worse than a child molester hahaha.

oh yeah also i never stalked or harrassed her. i sent her 3 emails over 34 days. even 1 LONG email per 11 days is not TOO much.

i mean i WANTED to contact her EVERY DAY: PLEASE RESPOND to me, please acknowledge me, please show me you care about my feelings, please anything. but i didnt hahahahaha. because i was that serious about not STALKING. not that its STALKING to want somebody to Give You A Statement When They Dump You.

i just dont like that she got everything she wanted out of this and i got nothing hahahahaha. she got to get rid of me with no guilt, no effort. well who knows. maybe she DOES feel guilty. i HOPE she does!!!!!!!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/45cdkb/i_tried_29f_to_break_up_in_a_friendly_way_with_my/

see this gurl TRIED to break up with this guy in a nice way, but he made it impossible because he was a huge douchebag hahahahaha.

heh. last night took nyquil and went to bed at 730 pm, did not get out of bed until almost 4 pm the next day hahahahah. WOW. i didnt feel super sad or derpressed, just didnt want to get out of bed for 20 hours.

PLENTY of people WANT to stay in bed for 20 hours, but CANT because they have RESPONSIBILITIES!

0213

ok well basically i felt i meant more to that person, than for her to be able to TMALAPOG.  imho its HARD to do that to somebody unless you HATE them and never want to see them again. like your WIFE cheated on you with your BEST friend, over and over again, all your friends. and even then i would give them a note, like good riddance to you you piece of shit, rot in hell you piece of shit, i wish i never met you, may the rest of your shitty life be CURSED. something like that.

yeah its just mind blowing. trying to think how somebody could DO that. even if its “Easy way out” of avoiding confrontation. you can send a text and still avoid confrontation.

hehehehe. i am essentially the person who gets DUMPED via post it note, or fax, and then i turn it around on myself and say, wow, i must be a REAL piece of shit to deserve THIS!

when the joke is, it reflects very poorly on the person doing the dumping. makes them look like a jerk/coward. that is the intended reaction/punchline to the classic joke of “i was dumped via a post it note.”

i was dumped via a text.

shit i would have luved for the LUXURY of being dumped with a post it note or a text!!!

but yeah. the overwhelmingly appropriate reaction is, fook that coward, you deserve way better, dont waste a minute being upset about them!

heheheheh. i guess she needs to waste a few more years dating Jerks who dont treat her well, and i need to waste even more years being Alone hahahahahah.

hahahaha i have been nothing but alone and these women have been nothing but With Men, and I still know more about Relationships and Communication than THEY do. namely treat people the way you want to be treated. and how would YOU treat THEM if the situation was reversed? youd treat them a HELL of a lot better than they are treating you. they are not giving you a fair shake at all. theyre not putting ANY damn EFFORT it. they dont CARE, theyre not WILLING to do any work. they just want you to instantly be a less annoying person. damn.

oh i got dumped with a TEXT, i must have done something REALLY bad!

NO! you say DAMN what a JERK who dumped me with a TEXT!

and this was 9000000 times WORSE! i would have LOVED a text!

its like married at first site. all the couples are idiots and will probably fail because the women are all so stupid, and are always mad at the men for stupid reasons, and expect the men to read their stupid minds, while the men are desperately trying to communicate, saying please just communicate with me, dont run away from this! and the women run away from it and say UGH i need SPACE to PROCESS this, meanwhile the man is frustrated and has no idea what is going on. becuase the WOMAN is not WILLING to communicate. its so stupid to see.

there is david and ashley and she accuses him of texting another woman to “go out for drinks” when really it was just a huge misunderstanding happening at a pretty bad timing. then she hits him with this. he tries to explain it but she is not willing to listen to his side of the story. really all it is is an unfortunate misunderstanding, its not what it looks like.

anyway she is COMPLETELY UNWILLING to listen to his side of the story. ironically enough he was trying to Reach Out to one of Her Facebook Friends so he could learn more about Her and how to Treat Her Better, because she was a horrible communicator and wouldnt talk to him ever. turns out the woman he picked was just as stupid as his wife, and the woman tattled to the wife ummmm yr husband is like trying trying to go out with me for drinks just thought you should know.

now he gave her no indication that he was looking to cheat, but they have had constant misunderstandings and  miscommuncations because she stubbornly refuses to listen to him or communicate with him and he is udnerstandably getting very frustrated, and always having to give her space, etc. anyway this one doesnt look like it will last, and it will be all her fault, cuz she is not willing to put in any effort at all.

oh well i dont HAVE to put in any effort, becuase this rel is all in your head. see, you luv ME, but i dont luv YOU, therefore, i dont have to do anything for you. i can just throw you away LAPOG.

NOPE! doesnt matter if you dont have feelings. if you have any sort of friendship, you always owe it to your friend, even IF you are having troubles, to never TTALAPOG. Period.

wow, so many shitlibs and women and leftists and cucks and beeta leftists and phaggots and gun haters and swpls and self loathing whites, and j00s and babykillers and blacks all on twitter making very tasteless remarks after the sudden death of justice scalia. i knew he was hated by shitlib traitors but i guess i forgot by how much. really tasteless and classless these phaggots spitting on his grave like this!

but this is kinda a HUGE deal cuz the scotus is ridiculously powerful and scalia was prob one of the good guys

and these privileged self hating whites really hated him like he was hitler or something hahaha saying they are gonna celebrate his death by having all sorts of gay sodomy and abortions and shit, god damn disgusting degenerates!

i was gonna say you dont need to be religious at all to believe many if not most things religious people do.  you can use non religious arguments against abortion, casual sex, pornography, cheating, open relships, all those degen shit that women like to do. you can be a fedora atheist and still be very against those things. in fact i think its kinda MORALLY WEAK to NEED the idea of religion/god to CONVINCE you that those things are immoral. you should be against them because they are obviously wrong on the surface. they hurt other people and do harm to your fellow man. they corrode the soul.

you dont need to be relgious to find these things horribly immoral: casual sex. pronography. abortion. cheating. open rels. its not just about having fun and feeling good. its about having no damn respect for human life, and breaking peoples hearts willy nilly. it sucks!

so yall disgusting degens can go celebrate by doing SODOMY hahahaha. sodomitic secs. damn i should bring that word back. basically meaning any kind of secs done by a degenerate. even PIV secs. if its outside of a monog rel, its SODOMY.

0214

had interesting dream where i heard of a casual sex (swingers?) party and this gurl i liked would be there. thankfully That Woman had nothing to do with this dream. the gurl was this Bad Gurl i liked in 7th and 8th grade, one of the first gurls i ever liked. i would still bang her today if she looked good. i looked at her on facebook like 2 or 3 years ago and she didnt seem to have any kids and looked good enough.

anyway there were lots of black guys at the party and the implication was, if she was not gonna be having casual sex with ME, she would be having casual sex with THEM, and i figured, better me than them, women have no idea how to protect their race. and then we started having casual sex and i found it very profound and meaningful and started developing a connection to her, when it was impossible to say whether she was getting any loyalty to ME.

but yeah just a naked body of an attractive woman up on me, banging them, making out with them, felt good, even if it was a casual sex party and she would have done the same with tons of black guys if i had not shown up.

essentially just a degen sodomite sex party for straights, kinda like the gays have promiscuous standard fook parties and such, only here you have women defiling themselves as well, just passing themselves around for pleasure and sodmy hahahahha.

and then i thought, well if i ever had secs with That Woman, i would fall in love with her even WORSE. yet she goes out and fooks all sorts of creepy sleazy guys and feels nothing, or gets over them very quickly, because the secs means nothing to her, its just a thing that is fun sometimes, youre not offering something special, such as your uterus’s power to make children.

how about a little loyalty, that you are not gonna just Use Me For Secs then Throw Me Away. jeez. sounds like what the worst Cad Men do to women!

women have turned into sleazy Cad Players!

it takes a lot of White Privilege to not say that Scalia was a Monster Who Was Worse Than Hitler hahahaha. if you merely call him a Respected And COntroversial Jurist, you are part of the problem, not part of the solution hahahaha. hiding behind your white privilege to punch down at the oppressed classes which Your Kind has Oppressed for Centuries.

dont treat people like MEAT, dont treat people like GARBAGE. when in doubt, use kindness and tenderness and mercy when brutally using a meat cleaver to end a longterm rel hahahaha.

this is not how you end a longterm rel!

and yet its ok for her to go out and have secs with random sleazebags and show them more loyalty and kindness because its her body, she can do what she wants.

well i cant control the DISGUSTING, IMMORAL degenerate sodomy and murder she does with her body, but I do get to say its horrible and immoral and wrong and degenerate.

and i hate other people getting a chance when i never got a chance. im not REALLY talking about luv and secs, i am basically talking about a chance to be treated like anything other than shit. be kind and loyal and giving and loving to some shitty guy, maybe some black guy youre having casual sex with, and be more kind and loyal and loving to him than a person youve known for 3 years.

basically women disposing of secs partners, of lovers, of friends, of BF’s, of babies, just they way they go through PEOPLE like a MEAT GRINDER is fooking HORRIFYING to me. go through the stages of a relship unnaturally fast, skip entire parts (like the ending), throw you away, lose interest quickly. they dont have the decency to treat you with kindness. they kill they own children, they cheat and lie  and live lies and dont even know how to feel guilt any more hahahaha. they are 900000000000 times bigger MONSTERS than scalia hahahahahaha.

or i should say how the left views scalia.

i just hate how women view secs as such a casual unimportant thing, and i always get nervous and view it as a veyr important thing. but they just give it away like candy. to everyone but me hahahaha.

just dat image of a young womans pale white body glued to yours as you bury your D in her, making out with her, her sighing and moaning and getting aroused. its super intense. how can they not see how intense it is? naked sweaty flesh on flesh. good lord. and with somebody you have feelings for. and there there are right up on you, wrapping legs around you, you staring into their eyes and being closer to them than you have been with a person in 10 years………OR this is just like a casual handshake that you do with lots of people, you’ll get over the novelty and intensity of this very quickly and be looking for new people to do it with.

this is very important to you, and not very important to them at all, it will take you forever to forget this, they will have forgotten it almost immediately and looking for a new guy to take your place.

heh. this is why i put special emphasis on find women i could TRUST, finding women who had not been with LOTS of guys. and i still get treated like garbage hahaha.

heh. everything i learned from previous “relships” did not really come in handy because here, the shit just hit the fan and was over before i knew it. so now i can say, welp, if the woman is AVOIDING me for more than 3 months, then just write an email; and take into account the closeness of our rel.

but yeah on this super cold valentines gay i just want her white body pressed against mine hahahaha.

hahaha this is ridiculous. quake was a big gaym in my high school days and is still full of nostalgia.

jeez. all i want is her back in my life, being friendly to me, then we become more than friends, and have luving secs till the end of time.

when you have secs with someone you love its like a completely different thing. but Women wouldnt know that now would they hahahaha.

i would just tell her: i didnt want you to fall in luv with me. that would have been NICE but all i wanted to just deal with the situation like adults and not end up devastated with the worst ending possible. just reject me nicely and we can get on with our lives.

0215

see i dont even know whats normal and whats not. i have my ridic ideas about whats moral and whats not. but what if its normal and right and just and natural to just dump people LAPOG.

heh. or better yet, to be a pathetic guy THINKING you were thrown away LAPOG but you were just rejected like normal, rejected in a probably decent polite way…..but you just feel snubbed and rejected becuase you were  Ya Know, Rejected, and you’re emotionally compromised and it doesnt register that she did a pretty good job of rejecting you. because now shes DONE with you and you see her getting more Worked Up over new random guys than she ever got over you!

in 2 months she is going CRAZY over some other guy and has totally forgotten you, and you are like, welp she’ll come around. she just doesnt know she luvs me yet hahahahah.

ANYWAY i can GUARANTEE you that i was ACTUALLY TALAPOG. and that she made no effort whatsoever hahaha. at least acknowledge that you were an important person to me. i realize i wasnt important to you AT ALL hahahaha.

yeah but i was. for a time she was nicer to me than any woman had ever been. even if we were not Lovers, there was a Closeness in the Friendship that made it seem more important than a Casual Acquaintanceship. made it seem like a Close Top Tier Friendship, rather than a short lived, not very important friendship. dont lie to yourSELF. you know i was an important person to you!!!!!

basically it was confidence building to know that I Mattered To A Woman, I wasnt some kind of forgettable nobody nothing, that I was important to her and meant something to her and was a big deal in her life and she would have stood up for me and defended me and been loyal to me. but when it ended, i was just as unimportant to her as some random nobody. feels bad man.  just because she was so immature she felt that me getting feelings for her was some kind of Deep Betrayal like Cheating. unbelievable.

but yeah then you doubt, were the good times ever really that good? were we EVER REALLY that close? was this whole thing only in my mind? is this normal?

yeah i guess i just dont like her saying that i meant nothing to her when i am pretty sure i DID mean something to her. i dont appreciate that dishonesty one bit. yeah things can CHANGE and people can have a falling out, but dont DENY THE PAST. esp when there was a lot of good in the past.

so, she is gonna deny the past, and there is nothing i can do about that. its just painful when its more than jsut the past, its ME. she’s denying I had any importance in her life, when i did. when i particularly like being important to women, and particularly dislike being a forgettable nobody that they dispose of and replace quickly and efficiently.

hhahahahaha im not that lame and unlikable. i used to have friends that liked me quite a bit. im still that same person deep down hahahaha. i made an impact on their lives. i just never made an impact on any womans life hahahaha. random guys they had casual secs with had a bigger impact on them than i did hahahaha.

5 minutes with an alpha means more to them than 10 YEARS with a beta hahahaha. and i am actually lesser than a beta.

its kinda like when peter betrayed Ever Knowing Jesus. basically a person denying your existence, saying they never knew you, never met you, were never friends with you, you were nothing to them.  YOU are being denied.

i wish i had moar pictures of me and her, well specifically that SHE had the pictures and would come across them one day and be like yeah i DID know him, i cant DENY that.

what about the little things i gave her, like a mix cd or this other thing i gave her. did she throw them away? bury them in a box and forget about them? the worst would be if they were just sitting out and she looks at them and doesnt even THINK of me. like OH. just some guy i used to know. i dont even remember if i fooked him. oh no. we were just friends for 3 years and he was a good friend but then he betrayed me by getting feelings for me so i cut him loose like he deserved. good riddance. it was pathetic seeing him beg at the end like a pathetic pussy. i need a real man. like tyrone who knocked me up and abandoned me with a bastard baby. oh i wish he would come back to me hahahaha.

yeah i just thought i meant/mattered more to her than that. and i probably did. but she will NEVER admit it.

or i just really DIDNT.

im not even sure which is worse! probably the second. where shes not denying anything. i just really mean nothing to her.

THEN. i meant nothing to her THEN. hahahaha.

i need to get back to the old gym, its been a fookin eternity. i am losing weight though, because i am not eating anything hahahahaha. but i NEED to go to the gym just to damn MOVE. try to do that tonight.

yeah well it doesnt matter if you feel anything NOW. realize that the other person still feels something and just try to do the NICE, DECENT, COURTEOUS thing, how YOU would like to be treated in that situation. simplest, easiest test in the world, for how to be a good person and do the right thing. treat them like you want to be treated. golden fookin rule.

look i wont have many regrets when it comes to things i should have done, ie i wish i had been kinder and nicer and more open to her. i really couldnt have! but she could have been a HELL of a lot nicer to me. she really dropped the ball.

yeah yeah i could have blurted earlier, done something EARLIER. yeah ok i have some regerts about that hahaha. but in terms of, wow, i was a REAL FOOKIN PIECE OF SHIT ASSHOLE TO HER and I wish i had been nicer. ? NO. none of that. i tried to be decent and willing and cooperate and kind and gentle and patient and giving.

if anything she will be haunted by thoughts of WOW i was really unfair and mean to HIM. hahahaha then she can come apologize to me and we can live happily ever after because i wont have found a better woman by then hahahaha.

you can tell when a woman is WILLING. she will Bend Over Backwards to Please her man, even if the man is being an asshole. she wont walk out the door. she wont shut down. she will be willing to talk. she will be willing to work things out. lets get through this together hunny. she will be willing to hang out. shell be willing to respond to texts and emails. she will want to talk about serious things liek the state of the rel, because she desperately wants to keep the rel going. when she fights and argues and shit tests you, she gives you CHANCE after CHANCE, rather than walking out and giving up on you after no chances. she is willing to fight and work for your luv and for the health of the rel. she is willng to stand by you when the going gets tough. true loyalty. i demand nothing less from my 3d white waifu hahahahaha.

someone who is not on the fence, but on my damn side. not willing to give up. but willing to roll up the sleeves and FIGHT for something important to them. ie me. i am important to them and worth fighting for. that would be fookin noice. very toight.

she was SO not willing to fight. if she were willing to fight…..i would have FELT it. she would have let me know. there wouldnt have been any doubt. she would have been in my face fighting for it, letting me KNOW she was fighting for it. hehehe. she was in actuality the antithesis of fighting for it. she just wanted it to go away and die forever, maybe a little abortion to help flush it out and dispose of it.

OBVIOUSLY you cannot BE with somebody who FEELS this way abotu your Mutual Relationship.

anyway yeah i ADMIT, thats a lot to ASK of somebody, that is a pretty BIG expectation / responsibility. so you simply say, i respectfully decline that responsibility. i cant handle it. its too much for me. we had a good run but now i have to get off. sorry. have a good life. we had some good times together. but im not willing to really fight for this.

that would have been a mature and acceptable thing to say. rather than im gonna get mad at you and never talk to you again.

cant keep your cool in person? write me an email. write me a LETTER. i dont care.

its like ending your membership at planet fatness hahahaha. send me a certified letter. then you know i got it.

come on. we would get each other crimmus presents. she told me things she had never told another person. it wasnt all in my fookin head.

i hate that excuse, it was all in my head, so she didnt owe me anything. well at one point it was an actual living breathing real life rel that was not in my head, and we both had rights and responsibilities, freely given to each other. she trusted me and liked me enough to tell me things she had never told anybody. i appreciated the trust and never betrayed it. to my knowledge hahahahahahahahahahah. i gave her moral support during her tough times. maybe i feel betrayed that SHE did not give ME moral support during MY tough times. sure.

hehehehe. i was there for her, she wasnt there for ME hahahaha.

thats not technically betrayal, but it does hurt and is just some one sided shit.

this is taking so long to get over because she wasnt jsut some random girl. we were close. for years. that means something motherfooker. maybe not to her, but def to me.

well i gave up my right to moral support from her when i got feelings for her. plus i had already taken a lot of moral support from her by being needy at job.

yeah well how about talking about these things with me, rather than leaving me to figure it all out by myself. when i CANT. its literally impossible. not saying that as a slight against muh average 101 iq; but rather it phsyically takes two people sharing and working together to get answers on this. there are too many unknowns that i would need her to answer. questions i have for her, that she is not willing to answer. shit i would have answered any question she asked me. yes of course i said that in the emails hahaha. ask me ANYTHING. PLEASE.

hahahahah well at least i know that she is NOT willing to Date Me hahahahah. that is no longer an unknown. i mean the silence does answer SOME questions. other questions the silence does not answer. will never answer.

im just like, how did she get THIS important to me? its like i didnt even realize how MUCH she meant to me until it was all over.

well thats not 100% true. i was certainly waking up to it. yeah i think i was as aware as i could have ever been.

i just never expected the ending would be SO devastating. well i also didnt expect it to GO as badly as it did. ok i really gotta go to fatclub.

 

 

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