shit had a damn dream where that woman played a PROMINENT role. here we were getting along and actually hanging out, but she had a boifran, kinda sorta. the implication was that she had been available, then some confusion whether or not she was dating a guy, and she probably was. kinda like what happened in real life. i was unsure of her status because i was too pussy to talk to her about it. and so i did some mild facebook stalking instead. really didnt need to go too deep there tho.
anyway in dream she was starting dating with a white badboy, well he was more of an alpha toughguy than me, which is not hard, and had some decent natural game. hard to tell if he would end up being a deadbeat or cheater. inconclusive. anyway at this time i had feelings for her and didnt want her to date this guy, but rather me. i was hanging out with them BOTH and i got along with the guy ok. but i was getting more passive aggressive, btichy, and beeta towards the gurl. i was feeling that i just should come out and tell her i like her before i do something stupid. around that time the dream ended.
it was different than reali life in several important ways: one, i was hanging out with her and had access to her.
two, there were times i did hang out with her and her and BF1, and i got along with him, but this was Before The Change. I wanted them to resolve their issues, i didnt like like her or want to steal her or want the rel to fail so i could swoop her up. thought maybe she thought so and thats why she hates me.
also i was much more passive aggressive in the dream than IRL, where i was more just passive pathetic.
anyway that sucked, i hate dreams with women and she was in this one a lot.
a big point that i have not made so much hahahahaha is that I DID NOTHING WRONG. when someone TREATS you like you did something horrible wrong to them, and then they hate you, well you would not be blamed for feeling guilty, like you did something horribly wrong to them, made some horrible mistake. cuz thats exactly how they are treating you.
so it takes a lot of work to convince myself of the truth that i did NOT do something horribly wrong.
cuz im genereally nice to people, there are not a lot of people who HATE me the way she does. i do not like being HATED. i dont do such terrible things to people to cause me to be hated. so when im hated, and treated like i did them horribly wrong, then i feel terrible. like i DID do something horribly wrong.
and it has taken a lot of time and effort to realize, wait a minute, maybe SHES WRONG, shes misunderstanding, i actually did NOT do anything wrong.
when i was rejected by other women, they didnt treat me like that. it was obvious they just werent into me, simple as that. so i was able to hate them easier, make them the bad guy easier, say it was all their fault easier.
this case, not so much. she hated me and was so angry at me and i felt HORRIBLE!!!!! what did i do that was so wrong! it HAD to be SOMETHING, to make her so upset! how can i make someone so important to me HATE me without even trying!
when in fact its “just” her misunderstanding it royally.
she could have chosen to sit down at the table with me and get my side of the story. i was more than willing to see her side of the story. i made great efforts to see the situation from her perspective. empathize. put myself in her position. imagine why she hated me so much. because i was CHANGING, and therefore her perception of me had to change, and she didnt want me to become a person who had interest in her. i was no longer safe and soft and predictable and trustrworthy. i was now a MAN with DESIGNS on SECS. but really it was so much more than that. and i COULD still be trusted. but good luck in making somebody understand something when they dont want to understand it.
but yeah when your once close friend treats you like you did something horrible to them, and hates you, you feel bad for it, and think, oh god i wish i hadnt done that horrible horrible thing. and then trying to come to terms that what you did wasnt really bad, and that is a error of judgement on THEIR part. them being compromised and unwilling. people have been doing this forever, its nothing new, and not even very complicated, but when it happens to you, in the context of Luv, its ridic tough to convince yourself that youre not the bad guy, that you in fact did nothing wrong, even though the other person thinks you did.
especially when like me you are concerned with taking responsibility, and taking blame, and assigning responsibility, and overanalyzing relationshits. hahahaha.
so yeah that dream sucked cuz its like seeing her again.
and its a daily yearly struggle to convince myself that i didnt actually do something horribly wrong. there wasnt some one big sin that i committed. she overreacted the fook out of this. and then i guess i overreacted to THAT by ruining my own life.
but i would argue that the nondegenerate proud white K selected Family Man Against Time is one that develops deep feelings for women, rather than treating people like …………. disposeable garbage.
well she didnt see it as her treating me as garbage, she saw it as giving that horrible asshole his just desserts for betraying me!
she wasnt THAT paranoid! she trusted her boifrans and was loyal to them!
maybe it is because she was so burned by her most recent shorter term boifran. he actually betrayed her and broke her heart. so that probably made her much more paranoid of men. of course i knew very little of that whole relship.
anyway if she were looking for a man right after the BF1 breakup……shit i just dont know enough about how things happened! i know she knew BF2 prior and may have sort of been friends with him….how come he could make the transition from friends to lovers without her going crazy and accusing him of betrayal? well because she was TINGLING for him, he had that alpha charm which women LUV, which i dont have so much.
shit. what she did to ME was closer to BETRAYAL than what i did to her, yet ME, in MY horribly emotionally compromised state, can STILL recognize that she didnt REALLY betray me, that it was just a horrible horrible MISUNDERSTANDING!!!! even though i was hurt by her WAY more than she was hurt by me! and really i SHOULD HATE her and blame her and never have it cross my mind that i did anything wrong!
but i know she didnt BETRAY me, she was just confused and overreacting and misunderstood! i wish she could have shown me a fraction of the Empathy or even Sympathy that i showed her!
this was so devastating and horrible and life ruining for me that i want to take SOME kind of lesson out of it. but the lessons seem so simple and cliche that it just wasnt worth going thru something so painful to get THESE lessons. like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is just 1 penny. its something…..but THATS IT?!?!?!?!?!
also it was so painful because i simply had not been this close to a woman in years. i was closer to her than i was to the gurls i pseudodated. have i mentioned this hahaha. we had more of a real connection, were actually on the same page, etc.
so its my fault because i should have known better than to GET ATTACHED.
well i certainly didnt get attached TOO FAST. it took me FOREVER to get attached.
but now the mistake i made was not telling her RIGHT AWAY. so i could see that SHE had no feelings for me and therefore TRY to dial it down on my end before i got too far gone.
yeah it was a MISTAKE, but i dont think it was an unforgivable, horrible, huge mistake, or betrayal, like cheating or abuse. besides i also changed my behavior to her pretty much immediately. mainly with more texting, and saying different types of things to her. if i were intent on HIDING/LYING, i wouldnt do that, now would I???!?!?!?!
and a damn LIFETIME has passed, i should be over it, im kinda stagnating now, its like a dull pain that never goes away, and yet i know that she is over it and enjoying her life and being respected at our job and continuing to make decent money. and 191 days later i am still obsessed.
and i am convinced she doesnt deserve to be respected at the job because she is in the bottom tier, she doesnt really understand the shit, she just parrots shit efficiently but doesnt really know how to solve problems.
but thats all you need, plus this is an unfair judgment on my part, because the company doesnt train people, and it was only through developing an unhealthy obsession that I made the effort to become one of the smart people. shit is very cliquey and if you arent friendly with the right people youre screwed. and none of this is fair and its not fair for me to criticize her for it. fine.
i was just bitter butthurt that the default position was unrespected incompetent idiot, and you had to make great personal sacrifices in order to get ANY respect and gain ANY competence. i made those sacrifices and got that respect, and i was angry that she was also getting respect without the sacrifices. i mean shit just being in that hellhole SHOULD have been enough of a sacrifice, but it wasnt. you had to go home and STUDY on your free time in order to get BETTER. i did that, she didnt. i wouldnt blame anybody who didnt! they had families and children!!!!
i thought she was getting respect just because she was a young purty gurl, from all the Thirsty 40+ year old divorced and/or lonely men hahahaha who were willing to help the damsel in distress. white knighting hahahaha.
and so i would quiz her to see if she knew the shit i knew and of course she didnt. i got a little passive aggressive but im not even sure she noticed, if anything she interpreted it as me going crazy from the job. which i kinda was. but i was also going crazy because of her too.
also we were in kind of different cliques. i would have preferred that we both picked the same clique hahaha. well sometimes the cliques choose you. esp if you are a young purty gurl. then all the cliques are competing for you hahahaha.
i fell in with a clique of Smart Young Kool Kids. im not even sure what her clique really was. somewhat creepy “thirsty” older men? like even older than me? with some known cheaters and scumbags in there. again i dont even know for sure becuase she was already closing herself off.
its hard to JUST ACCEPT that somebody doesnt want to be part of your life anymore. i still havent JUST ACCEPTED it. i figure it will take at LEAST a year to get to that point, maybe 2. however long it takes for the memory of someone to die. doesnt help if you see them on facebook, in dreams, or god forbid IRL.
just having real trouble getting over this. STILL want to contact her. i 99% prob wont, but still a constant temptation. after 157 days no contact. FOOOOOOOK. this is what Bad Closure does. takes you THAT much longer to get over it. i “only” had feelings for her for 10 months, but its gonna take WAY more than 10 months to get over this!
because we had an actual real relationship in the form of a real friendship, and then the horrible way it ended.
weev. have i come out and said that i like weev and support him? kewl guy. super alpha tho. he absolutely SLAYS the pvssy. certainly went thru a degen phase because what young man is gonna turn down hordes of young qts throwing themselves at him? he was too busy drowing in pvssy to be able to realize that Womanizing Is Degen. I cant really fault him for it. it doesnt degrade him nearly as much as it degrades the women. most of whom were prob already too far gone anyway. like the feminist troll shanley kane (name?). she used to be racist and she hooked up with weev and he taught her how to troll effectively and now she broke troll ethics and trolls men out of their tech jobs just because they are men and she hates men because she prob had a bad rel with her father, and “slept with a lot of assholes.” and she has since become an antiracist sjw feminist. weev understandably shakes his head and regrets being with her and teaching her trolling skills.
but it is a shame that he is unhireable because of his political beliefs. especially when he has the hard tech skills to make GOOD money. it takes a special kind to get that good. you need to be obsessed and focused and basically teach yourself to code starting at age 12 or earlier. i was first introduced to code at age 17 (BASIC?) and i got an A in the class, but….i was unable to connect it to Actual Paid Coding Work and What Coders Do.
I later learned a lot more coding at age 27 or 28, getting twice as deep at least, and still…..same problem. what can i really do with this. how does my C++ tic tac toe program translate into the real world. took 2 classes in C++, 1 class in visual basic, 1 class in SQL and databases, 1 class in ASP.NET, 2 classes in “web design.”. and I got all A’s, and still feel like i got nothing real out of it. like 24 credits down the drain hahahhaha.
also the shit was so frustrating. almost as frustrating as muh tech support job. going over the stuff over and over trying to find logical errors. not knowing how to do stuff efficiently. never really understanding anything.
which is why im skeptical about “TEACH KIDS TO CODE!!!!” like it opens up a whole new world of opportunity for them. maybe it is, if they get into it young enough, and then become autistically obsessed with coding from ages 10 to 70. but i gave it a fair shake and didnt really get anything out of it. we got as far as like pointers and dynamic memory and queues and stacks and classes and polymorphism and stuff that seemed pretty hardcore…..but it wasnt. it was frustrating and went nowhere. it did not have any relevance to muh tech support job where i made better money than i even made before. and now i have forgotten it all.
no i was not some bigshot making 18DAH either hahahaha. but i was actually making more than 12DAH believe it or not! as someone who was used to making 10 DAH it was a huge step up. i still cant beleive it.
besides you can just get an h1b indian with a Masters in Coding to work for half the price of an american. teaching 30 year olds how 2 cout >> helloworld.output(); is not going to do shit. They will still be working for 10 DAH at the insurance company call center O GOD telling people their claims are denied but i cant explain why and i cant let you talk to the person who made the final decision, and we cant appeal that, so sorry your kid/mother has to die of cancer. next caller please.
and i certainly dont have the initiative and drive and AGENCY of those indians with the masters degree, traveling a world away from their families, to make shitty money, thats still better than the even shittier money theyd make back in india. working for jooish proejct managers and VPs and department heads who dont know technical shit at all and just want you to make sense out of the un make sense out of able. for 80 horrible hours a week. this is what you left your family in india for. but thousands of them do it. i would K myself!
so you have to be special to get hired as a white american coder. young and special. not just good, but best of the best. and i think weev has those kind of skills. i certainly dont. though i can certainly code better than the average prole hahahaha. i just cant DO anything with it.
enemy outlets like gawker say weev mixes lies with the truth and sometimes adopts fake or temporary identities, like becoming a mormon for a few months. but this is prob just gawker smearing the rightist racist; also he got a huge swastika tattoo on his chest which is usually a sign of legit committment hahahaha. unless that was just a photoshop. pretty sure it wasnt though.
i just mention him becuase he is a mini celebrity on the TRS forums and just kind of a mini celebrity in general, and also kind of a high profile Uncloseting in a field where people are pathetically leftist but they really shouldnt be. in fact i am certain there are plenty of Coder Shitlords, but they keep their mouth shut because they know exactly how vulnerable they are!
but someone who has an actually very valuable moneymaking skill, then comes out under their real name as a hardcore WN, i have great respect for.
or even people that DONT have great moneymaking potential.
so why dont I do it? ive essentially got nothing to lose. i could do something real for the movement.
but could i really? at best i would be “just” another daily stormer. not crapping on DS, i could not even approach that level right now. and who knows, maybe anglin was making shitloads of money and then gave it all up to become a huge WN under his real name, to get harrassed by feds and shills and living on d’nations and not having a real home.
anyway my point is, its harder to give up shitloads of money to come out of the closet, rather than be a neet loser like myself and come out of the closet hahahaha.
do actual neets go to the Gym every day like i do?
andrew anglin sets the record str8 in march 2015
i would link directly to him because atm i believe hes a good guy and deserves dnations. i just dont want him to know people are getting to his site thru me. but i encourage u to visit dailystormer and give him some money. i think this asian sex scandal is a bunch of bullshit.
anyway yeah it is CREEPY to be obsessed with a woman, and understandably makes her very uncomfortable. but really she never KNEW how obsessed i was with her, therefore good karma for me hahahaha. she knew i had strong feelings for her, she hated me for betraying her image of the Safe Me, and that was it. if i were obsessively stalking her and sending her messages every day, maybe. but i didnt. but i send her 3 emails during that time, 2 of which were SUPER LONG. in fact, even just that last email was SO LONG that just that ONE email would be CREEPY. NOBODY sends an email this long unless they are OBSESSED.
WRONG! no one writes a years worth of blog posts unless they are obsessed!!!!!!!
but i am not showing these to her, i dont intend for her to read them. i hope she DOESNT! ive never told her about this. never would. its mainly catharsis for me. and good lord do i need a LOT of catharsis and self soothing ALL DAY ERRY DAY. hehehe all my free time is spent self soothing hahahaha. i should have done the same while i was working. rather than coming home and studying and worrying i should have been self soothing. well what i did sometimes was take a ton of MJ, that was pretty soothing, and THEN go study.
and I think the MJ helped. Ideally I would have just gone to the Gym but i was too scared to sign up.
but i was ALWAYS worried about it. i COUDLNT self soothe unless i were getting Blazed and perhaps going to BED at 8 pm and watching king of the hill was really the best. but then as soon as you get in bed you worry about the shit thats gonna happen the next day. the weird phone calls, the unknown unknowns, and you flailing and thrashing and pretending you know what youre doing, working to put on a face and say everythings gonna be ok.
and you try to get support from your friend who once supported you but now they think youre too much to handle and they are now turning away from you. and you are watching the TRAIN WRECK IN SLOW MOTION. we were both in denial but i was expressing more concern and worry abotu it, like whats happening between us, i know we can get along again, lets just please communicate with each other, im worried about losing you bla bla bla. it would have been nice if SHE expressed more of that kind of concern, rather than ambivalence. show some concern or luv through kind words at least. NOPE.
so what. so that happened. now we move on right.
so, a relationship destroyed by a tragic misunderstanding. you cant just say the rel would have been destroyed anyway. sure it would have to END, but it would end in an honorable way like having a funeral for a beloved person, as opposed to a dishonorable death of a traitor being killed execution style. machine gunned into a mass grave. a violent, ugly, brutal death for a dishonorable traitor. i dont think i deserved that! i deserved the honorable funeral!
not to say i was perfect. i did do some things wrong. namely by being cowardly and beeta and not saying something RIGHT AWAY. but that kind of cowardice and covering up is a LOT different than pretending like youre not having an affair on your wife. with the TRULY horrible things like that, you try to cover up the evidence because you dont want the truth to come out.
i DID want the truth to come out and was giving hints as much as i could!
do i have to explain how getting feelings for someone is NOT like cheating on someone?
but she considered it a betrayal of the friendship and she was just completely unwilling to listen to my side of the story.
just a very unique situation which i have never faced before and which many people actually do NOT face.
im not sure how many people have fallen in luv with a friend. maybe half of people? prob a little LESS. 40% lets say. most people fall in luv with people they are “dating”, ie people they had secs with soon after meeting. ie, the idea of secs was always on the table from the very first meeting. that was the driving force, not the idea of friendship and getting to know a person.
ok. so of that 40% that have fallen in luv with a friend….how many of those were rejected? probably at least 60% of them. BUT I would say the vast majority of those rejections (90%) were done in a proper, good, friendly, adult way, like AW IM SORRY!
so, 10% of 60% of 40% of people have gone through what i gone through. hahaha. so, starting with 100 people, thats, 40 people fell in luv with friend, .6 * 40 or 24 of THEM got rejected, and 2.4 of THEM got rejected BRUTALLY. BTFO.
hehe so i am the 2.4%. actually i was hoping it would be more like under 1% hahahaha. becuase i want to be a special snowflake.
i mean most people have been rejected and heartbroken. at least 75% of people.
and at least 75% of those have experienced a BAD heartbreak, ie cheating, betrayal, anger, lies, hate, bad karma, abandoning, rather than just good heartbreaks, ie, person dumps you in a polite, proper, civilized, good karma way (“im sorry this just isnt working for me, youre a good person, im sorry to dump you.”)
so that is 56.25% of people have experienced a BAD heartbreak. which is essentially all this is. so maybe im even LESS of a special snowflake. hahahahaha.
well its a special kind of BAD heartbreak because it came resulting from falling in luv wiht a friend. and THAT is closer to 2.4%.
people talk about “high energy” and “low energy” in 2016, it was becoming a meme in 2015 and its reaching its peak now as a minor meme. i am most definitely LOW energy hahahaha. this is bad. this makes you unattractive to women, employers, clients, and friends. low energy = loser hahahaha. total neet loser.
google got feelings for friend now they feel betrayed
hmm nothing good.
google its not betrayal its a misunderstanding.
not much. the trope of “ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” where you walk in to find your wife in bed with julio the poolboy. ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!
in this case, it was EXACTLY what it looked like. i was acting like i was in luv with her, becuase i was in luv with her!
certainly she observed me and thought “he’s acting weird, like he likes me all of the sudden. and hes been acting like this the past few months and hasnt been stopping.”
did it ever occur to you that it was exactly what it looked like?
so the misunderstanding wasnt in that. it was in that that was bad. that that was a betrayal of a friendship.
a betrayal of a friendship is stabbing your friend in the back. selling your friend out. really leaving them hanging when they needed you and asked for your help.
if a male friend fell in gay love with me, i wouldnt think of it as a betrayal. especially if they were giving me weird hints. i might say, IS EVERYTHING OK? IS THERE ANYTHIGN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT OR TELL ME. You seem to be very worried. whats up. what do you want to tell me. are you in gay luv with me or something hahahaha, ease into it with a joke.
or if i strongly suspected her of being in luv with me.
for a while i weakly suspected her of maybe liking me, but that also came from confusion and inexperience that i didnt know what it felt like for women just to be nice and sweet to me. i automatically thought it meant they liked me.
put it this way: if she was giving the same strong hints I was giving her, I would have confronted HER in the gentle kind open manner described 3 paras above.
google betrayal or misunderstanding
results in a bunch of degen and stupid FANFICTIONS of elves fooking each other and bois dressing as animu gurls. ok…..
If you’re confused, think of it this way: If you apply for a job, which is worse — a rejection letter, or no reply at all? The former is bad, but the latter is dismissive, and that’s a thousand times worse. (Note: By far the angriest reaction I get to hate mail is when I don’t reply at all.) That’s how some people take your failure to speak to them — like you didn’t even open their resume before tossing it in the trash.
See, there is an old saying: Hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is. For many people, you’d be better off telling them to f00k off, because at least then you’re acknowledging that they matter.
yes very cliched but at this point i need to read the cliches and believe they are true. that i didnt do something horribly wrong. that she just fundamentally misunderstands this. not sure if i believe apathy is the opposite of luv tho. cuz i am sure she hates me AND she doesnt want to tell me to f00k off. dont hate me! dont hate me for an unfortuante but natural part of life!
uhh pretty sure i linked this before but its a good one.
i will not let this page die!
2 cached versions for ya
or when women say youre clingy even though you dont think youre being clingy. then they tell you youre clingy then block you hahaha leaving you heartbroken. hhahahahaha. yep. only imagine that happening after 3 good years.
NO it wasnt 3 good years. it was at MOST 2 GOOD years. more like 1.5 good years because for the first few months i knew her i wasnt really friends with her, i just got along with her. it takes a while to become official friends. you need to know them. official friends is by DEFINITION a long term thing.
anyway i cant even being a woman and having OPTIONS. i could see how that could help you get over something. if i had OPTIONS right now, i would then hang out with those women, demonstrate that NAWALT, etc, and maybe get over things. i mean i have Processed everything and Faced a Flood of pain. now i’m just STUCK in a RUT. and having OPTIONS might help me get out of that rut. some random young QT being nice to me and maybe i could get HER off my mind, when she doesnt need to be in it any more.
this is not to be confused with women dating new guys within a few days or weeks of ending a rel. TAKE AT LEAST 6 MONTHS BABY, I DID hahaha
i dont think SHE took 6 months before ending it with the long term BF1 and starting with BF2. but thats becuase women ALWAYS have options at all times, and at this time its prob a tough temptation to resist.
WOMEN HAVE OPTIONS AT ALL TIMES, MEN NEVER HAVE OPTIONS EVER. hahahaha.
and that is right, natural, and just becuase of how we are BUILT. MY beef is when the women FLAUNT it. its like a superrich man in super expensive clothes swaggering past a bunch of poor bums.
or, somewhat different, a person who goes to a buffet and eats THE WHOLE THING and becomes 10000000 pounds. kinda like the gluttonous man in month python meaning of life.
its like me denying and abusing my white male privilege hahaha. women have sexual choice privilege. this is much more obvious and real than white privilege hahaha. no but it really is.
but yeah the whole reason i cant stop thinking about her is I STILL WANT HER. I WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HER. not that i was ever really “together with” her in the first place, but we were close. i wish we could be close again, and then we could have a fun good friends hangout session, then i tell her about my feelings, and she is favorable to it.
would i still want her back if i were giving it to some young qt gurl?
well maybe. hahahahaha. maybe i just need more time hahaha. you never stop wanting them. until you avoid them completely for like 2 years. that might be the rule hahaha.
yeah. to STOP WANTING THEM takes FOREVER. at least 2 years. and usually need to find someone new around that time too.
heh. i just hate how women can get over men SO FAST. like they never meant anything to them at all. or maybe thats just me hahahaha. and just move through men so quickly: meet, start hanging out, start having secs, date for a while or less, break up, get emotional, meet another man or start fooking another man in their stable, etc, repeat this cycle 3 or 4 or 5 times a year, it sounds not only EXHAUSTING, but also grim and nihilistic to go through “relationships” so damn FAST. at least dont have SECS with ALL these guys.
LS has this great “FRIENDS AND LOVERS” subforum which seems tailor made for me. people falling in luv with their friends.
misunderstandings are very common cuz women give nothing but mixed signals all the time. it gives men such grief. really you just have to be alpha and take what you want. i would say just charge ahead until she says STAAHHHHHHP. and even then 50% of the time it doesnt mean STAHP, they still want to get fooked. what a bunch of high number degenerates hahahaha. theyve just taken too mcuh cok.
just reading about the mixed signals drives me crazy. 19 years old and the gurl is already RUINED FOR LIFE. so sad. and niceguys like this pay the price for it.
there are a lot of degenerates on LS who see nothing wrong wiht promiscuity and having secs early and cheating on your spouse because legit reasons. so be careful. some of these people need to be judged and shamed for degen beaviour.
QUOTE from user buddhist
Originally Posted by Curious-One View Post
Dont ever judge someone until you walked a mile in their shoes.
Nobody can really understand how OP feels…many of you make it seem like its not the end of the world but only OP know what it truly feels to be in his situation.
Nice cliche but no cigar on this one. One in four people become seriously depressed in their lifetime, perhaps not over the exact same issue, but depression feels the same no matter the cause of it. I’ve been depressed to point of planning my own suicide. Hence why I think I can speak on the matter. It took me over 5yrs to come out of a 10yr depression cycle. Thats one third of my life feeling like the OP does. I’ve walked more than a mile in his shoes thanks.
I also know that no matter what anyone writes here it’s all going to feel like a ‘sucks to be you’ sentiment to the OP. He has lost perspective, that’s what depression is all about. It’s blowing a problem up huge by obsessing about it until life loses it’s flavour in all directions and a sense of hopelessness sets in. I also know that when you are in a depressive cycle you are generally clueless about how you are coming off to other people and don’t understand why others distance themselves. It feels like a conspiracy, unjust, unfair behaviour. Yet it’s not until you are beyond depression that you see yourself in others and think…..of course! I wouldn’t want to be around that either.
What depressives generally do is argue their point until it’s a dead stinking maggot infested horse. Whenever someone offers a solution or insight, they argue why that person is wrong. They don’t move from their perspective or consider other points of view. They are wilfully intent on proving why their perspective is the right one. We’ve seen plenty of that in this thread.
the distressed people truly write some LONG posts. it means they care a lot and are in a lot of pain. reminds me of the LONG emails i wrote her. now these strangers posts are TLDR for me, but im glad to see im not the only one who writes LONG stuff when having trouble wiht a person.
interesting thoughts here. took nyquil, too lazy to describe. comparing grief of end of rel to grief re death, which i have done as well, concluding that end of rel is almost worse because you know they are alive and happy without you, also someone dying has no agency, they arent choosing to throw you away. this person makes the interesting point. but its a diff situation: a good marriage that ended too soon due to death. and a bad marriage with a cheating wife that ended not a moment too soon! his cheating wife was a real piece of shit, which will help him get over her more quickly. but the mans dead wife, they were soulmates who luved each other, and he was devastated to have the love of his life die of a brain tumor. it will likely take him much longer to get over it!