ITS A KNOWN UNKNOWN THAT I KNOW THAT I DONT KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU

0119

really nobody DESERVES treatment like this UNLESS they are a dirty cheater, or abusive. NOT if youre just annoying. did i cheat on her? no, i couldnt have cheated on her even if i wanted because we never had that kidn of rel. did i abuse her? no, i annoyed her. which to some women is even worse than abuse i guess. you can abuse them and they will still luv you, be loyal to you; but annoy them and they will dump you like a bag of rocks.

a normal well adjusted man would say WOW JUST WOW. SHE has issues. i dodged a bullet there!

instead i look for reasons she was justified in doing what she did, and how i “brought it all on myself.”!

i may have to loosen my standards on sluts. i mean im no prize pig myself, i was/am a huge loser, was adegenerate for many years myself, a substandard man. so im gonna have to accept women that have been with 10, 20 guys. i am still staunch against single mothers though.

but why should i be? they just loved a man who BETRAYED them. got them pregnant then ran off. they didnt know the man would run off! i’ve been run off on by women! blinded by luv, then they leave you holding the bag/baby!!!

so yeah i can have some sympathy for single momz i guess. well, maybe 50% of single momz. i like to think the red flags of a deadbeat are VERY obvious. like, dont choose drug addicted irresponsible bad boy thugs to have frequent unprotected secs with! choose a man who doesnt have big deadbeat red flags right on the surface!

i would estimate 50% of single mothers choose a BLATANT, OBVIOUS deadbeat. so them i have no sympathy for.

anyway i guess ill take a slut. maybe the sluts can change. i mean i want to believe I can change from my own degen past. HOWEVER that doesnt mean you should tolerate betrayals and bad behavior. she would essentially have to show shame and remorse for her slut days and be able to articulate why being a slut is morally wrong, rather than just saying oh i was young, it was just a phase, or, im with YOU now, thats all that matters, who cares abotu my past!

and if she starts doing shady shit like known sluts are known to do, dump her ass! 3 strikes or something. with blatant cheating being 1 strike and youre out.

so, give sluts a chance, but be brutal in your smackdown if they start falling back into their slutty ways. dump them immediately to the curb. of course be a decent man and tell them that youre dumping them. its over baby, because you fooked up.

well shit then she could be wracked with guilt hahaha. well stop cheating on people and you wont be wracked with guilt hahaha. i could just say, its not you its me, this is over, im done, but for future reference, hanging out with 1000000000 guy friends does not make you that trustworthy baby. show your man some damn respect. stop texting with 9999999 diff guys, lying about where youve been, not hanging out with me because youre hanging out with other guys. come ON.

course in my case the slut would just tell ME its over and stop hanging out with me altogether hahaha.

ANYWAY. point is, i thought she cared about me more as a person than to throw me away like a piece of garbage. i know i am beating that to death, but muh fee fees are VALID. thats just how i fee fee.

i thought she cared about me, that was my expectation, that i was an important person to her, and so she didnt share my feelings FINE, but dont throw me away like a piece of garbage, express sadness to me about something important having to come to an end. bitches just dont understand this hahaaha.

i didnt deserve this, she should have been nicer. but life isnt fair, get over it.

i dunno i would rather life give you many little unfairnesses rather than a huge ridic mindfooking unfairness that completely crushes your soul. this is just incomprehensible, because i had true luv for her, wanted to spend life with her and her alone, have keeds with her, be 70 years old and still with her, as a traditional husbando and waifu. this was not some casual fly by night bullshit!!!!!!!!!!

this was not the type of disposable, replaceable type thing you just THROW AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah well if she thought it was, then i cant tell how she feels.

well i can tell her how i feel, that it wasnt something you throw away!

well i was biased. because i luved her.

YEAH BUT thats not really relevant. the type of Good Friendship we had, was ALSO not something you just throw away!!!!!! THATS my point!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont know why i feel like The Evil Enemy Wimmin are challenging that fact, that its acceptable to be upset about being thrown away by someone who was once a good friend for 3 years.

fatherland.noip.us

another plug for the fatherland. i am steadily goign thru all their episodes. the host is very charismatic. i mean its not perfect but it is very good, lots fo potential. these are just working men with families doing a podcast as a hobby.

well there was one episode where he was like come on guys. grow up. its not THAT hard to find a decent woman and have children.

then in a later episode he says, well yes it is. and i would agree with that hahaahha.

would they recommend marrying an “ex”-slut if thats the best you can do? a single mom? i would think they wouldnt recommend this, but i want to hear them go into detail.

historically i have been willing to forgive/overlook sluttishness and coal burning and babykilling and bipolar, god have mercy on me. maybe i’m ALREADY being TOO tolerant/lenient.

yeah honestly i shouldnt be overlooking those YUUUUGE RED FLAGS. its like the white trash gurl who has a baby with an OBVIOUS DEADBEAT. guy with drug/drinking problem, felonies, neck tatz, black hahaha.

anyway. she is kind of a man hater which is understandable given her past. so she probably RESENTS and HATES men who flirt and come on to her, and shuts them down with the same coldness. so she only likes men who show no interest in her in that way. because men are bastards and pigs and deadbeats. so just find the sweet niceguys to be friends with. well i was a sweet niceguy who had no real romantic interest in her. perfect friend(zone) material. and i was ok with that! i didnt want more till the LORD changed my mind and heart 2 years in!

but point is, i SHATTERED HER ILLUSION OF ME and for that, she FELT betrayed.

heh. even if she talked to a shrink without me there, the shrink could probably steer her this way. like, he didnt actually do anything wrong, this is a misunderstanding, you should talk to him.

or not even shrink. if she had been honest in talking with trusted family members they might have said the same thing. like what REALLY did i do. you didnt give me a fair chance. fair shake. wouldnt listen to me, wouldnt talk to me.

a trusted adult would tell her, well he wasnt JUST being “WEIRD”, he LIKES you, you moron, sometimes that happens between guy and gurl friends. why dont you just hang out and talk to him about it, or just ask him if he likes you. oh he keeps asking you to hang out? well yeah 99% sure he likes you then. oh hes been doing this for months? well its probably not gonna go away on its own then. just hang out with him and talk to him and say hey listen I can figure out that you probably like me.

I THINK her mother was smart and mature enough to be able to advise her that.

but i dont know. maybe her mother said, oh just throw him away, men are shit deadbeats and dont deserve kindness, shit yeah he betrayed you like a little pussy faggot, just stop talking to him, throw him away.

and there was really no good males in her…….well shit. she could have talked to her brother! or her x boifran! they are smart guys who probably would have appreciated my situation!!!!!

her x boifran would say, yep he probably likes you, just talk to him about it, you gotta deal with this, he’s a decent guy, dont break his fooking heart like an ice cold bitch.  jsut text him, do you like me, and see what he says. or better yet, just hang otu with him, stop blowing him off when he asks to hang out. hes a cool guy, he doesnt deserve to be left hanging like this. (cuz i knew and got along fairly well with the xbf.)

yeah i mean it WAS on me to tell her, and not on her to pull it out of me. but the way i see it, me trying to hang out with her WAS me trying to tell her, because i wanted an appropriate time and place to tell her, and NOT be forced to tell her by text or email or phone or chat or in the fooking PARKING LOT at work while 5 other coworkers are 10 feet away on smoko. NO. JUST NO.

but whos to say i would have Sacked Up and actually told her if we DID hang out? and what if she hung out with me just once and didnt give me a second chance?

well she didnt even give me ONE chance hahahaha. and i really believe i WOULD have told her if she did.

yeah i could have written an email a few months earlier. i should have. but i kept hoping against hope that we would hang out. quite telling that that 1 and only time we did kinda hang out, was The Literal End. that was when she stopped talking to me altogether. unfort the hang out was in a very loud very public place, and not much better than Workplace for having a serious private conversation.

well its DONE. its been done for 189 days, and i still cant move on!!!!!!!!!!!1

welp taking my calories down from 1560 to 1200 a day , becuase now i want to lose 2 pounds a week not 1! i need to start seeing some SRS PROGRESS already. once i get to my First goal of 159 lbs, i can go back to 1 lb a week until i get to muh final goal of 140 lbs. i said i was a manlet!

heh. if you ate nothing but grilled chicken that would prob be for the best.

i hate explaining things i dont understand to unsatisfied clients when i do not have the power to transfer them to someone who DOES understand; or when the caller asks to speak to a supervisor and i have to tell them no. shit i AGREE with them, I want them to speak to a supervisor too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! be accountable to your clients! give them an explanation because i sure cant!

but the fact is, theres not enough supervisors just sitting on their asses available to take a call RIGHT NOW.  so i have to say the supervisor is not available. the person i keep putting you on hold to get advice from is actually in a chat room helping 20 other people like me and he cant take your call either cuz its his job to help 20 people at once, not take calls. there literally are no people here with the job of take a call. i mean theres the escalated callback line but i shouldnt have mentioned that to you because thats only for people who are calling BACK on a previously escalated case….which is not you.

i cant believe i never just HUNG UP on somebody. been like ok let me try to get a supervisor, let me beg them to take this call, this could take about 5 minutes on hold…..then put them on hold, then HUNG UP.

well because the program would show i hung up on them!

but i probably could have gotten away with it! and certainly i would have gotten one strike. i would have gotten called in, then i could be like, yeah i accidentally pushed the wrong button. and i couldnt DO anything for them, i couldnt put them in contact wiht a supervisor. really they just needed to get off the phone and calm down. what should i have done?

well, tell them you’ll try to get it escalated and then a level 2 will call them back within 72 hours.

yeah but so and so was in the chat room and he is a bitch about escalating.

welp, ya do the best you can.

welp the best i could do then was to hang up on them hahahahahaha.

i never did that beleive it or not! but i prob could have gotten away with it.

heh. i dont want to work in a call centre ever again. i dont want to take that many INBOUND CALLS. where taking INBOUND CALLS is the totality of my job. i’ll take a few easy, straightforwad, standard, softball inbound calls. i’ll make outbound calls, where i know what i’m going to say and how to explain it for every call (note: would not want to make outbound calls ALL DAY either hahahaha.) i can handle some phones but all phones all day is just too much. holy shit. are there any jobs that are not 100% PHONES? yeah, restaurant and fast food jobs ni99a. and retail. i wish i had a mentor during high school who told me this hahahahahahaha.

i really am pretty good with Communication SKills when i am not Nervous and Confused!!!!!!!!!!!!! i swear ms manager, please hire me for 10 DAH!

how bad do you want this job? sign over your medical records so we can see if you have any history of “MENTAL ILLNESS.”  oh despair medz and anxiety meds? no job 4U! no gvn 4U! no waifu and traditional K selected european nuclear family with waifu and 3 children 4U! of courshe!

0h you dont even HAVE a facebook? what a WEIRDO. red flag. there are PLENTY of people who want this job who DO have a facebook. why wouldnt you have facebook? because youre a crazy stalker who doesnt get along with women and is resentful and bitter of all the normalfag men with their good jobs and wives and children? MAYBE!

hehehehehehe. see what i mean?

did you know johannesburg is over 95% black and gangs of roving blacks simply take over skyscrapers and office buildings and live there, dumping trash and faeces down the elevator shafts? and the only recourse is for the owner to hire gangs of thugs to force the hordes out in the middle of the night and barricade the first floor entrances?

i dont know. i cant help you.

well can you transfer me to someone who does know, or who can help me?

no. well i mean i dont know if this CAN be helped. maybe it can. thats an unknown unknown. but i KNOW i don’t know how to help you. THAT is a KNOWN unknown. and it is a known known that I can’t transfer you to anybody else. but you can call back and hope you dont get me again!

and this is the reality of the situation. you just need to explain it more tactfully. sorry, theres nothing we can do. sorry. so sorry. i really do apologize for the inconvenience. um well your area manager MIGHT be able to approve a discount, maybe. call him and see if he is willing to stretch his budget. theres nothing we can do. nope i dont know who your area manager is. talk to your location manager. o you ARE the location manager? uhhhh well the area manager is YOUR manager innit? you dont know? I sure dont know. and i KNOW that i dont know. No i cant transfer you to soomeone who MIGHT know, i know i can’t do that. and even if i could, i couldnt tell you if they could help you. and they might not even KNOW if they could help you. good luck! how about you take a few hours to calm down, call us back, and hope you get a more experienced and knowledgable level 1 person. thats the best i can do. i mean i know its not really DOING anything tho hahahaha. so sorry! i apologize! i understand this is frustrating!

known unknown: i dont know how to help you.

unknown unknown: i dont know if anybody CAN help you.

known known: i can’t transfer you to anybody else who may or may not be able to help you.

yep you see how closely those three are related!

oy vey, the things you do for 15DAH haahahahaha.

so she thinks I did a shitty thing, by getting feelings for her and “hiding” it from her. i dont even know. she might be mature enough to know that getting feelings is not inherently shitty. but lying and hiding it is. well i agree LYING is bad. but my argument/case is that that i was not HIDING, i didnt want to HIDE anything, i was trying to signal and trying to talk about it, so i wouldnt be hiding it. did she think i was hiding something? if i were hiding it she wouldnt be aware of anything!

theres a difference between HIDING and TRYING TO TELL SOMEBODY SOMETHING.

i tried to explain all this in The Emails but who knows if she listened. heh i guess i could ask a third party to ask her if she read the emails. what difference does it make. well cuz there was a lot of good stuff in there. explanations and thoughts and things i was trying to share. but what diff does it make if she doesnt want to listen. but maybe she did want to listen, she just wasnt willing to respond.

well when i was begging for mercy and she doesnt give the mercy, thats the end. thats all i can do.  she probably saw that i wrote a huge long email, said NO. JUST NO. and deleted it. or saw that i was the sender and deleted it without even OPENING it.

i will never know why she didnt send a third party to contact me. prob because in her mind what i did was SO SHITTY. it was UNFORGIVABLE. it was like if your boifran CHEATED on you. you just cut them off entirely. i dunno. i just want her to realize what she did was WRONG. you just dont do this to people. this is a HURTFUL thing to do.

Arresting a 95 year old german man who was a guard at auschwitz. wow. just wow. yet rapeugees are raping the shit out of german women and children and nothing. also, and this is a tangent, but how was “nazi war criminal” just living for 70 years in germany without being found out. not that they have any sort of case hahaha.

how is a 95 year old man treated in a german prison for being convicted of “war crimes.”

I WASNT HIDING HOW I FELT! I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU! THATS WHY I WAS SO PERSISTENT IN WANTING TO HANG OUT!!!! I WISH YOU HAD JUST HUNG OUT WITH ME!!!!! WHY DID YOU THINK I WAS TEXTING YOU EVERY DAY WHEN I DIDNT USED TO DO THAT BEFORE???!?!?!?!?!?!?!

if YOU were in luv with a once close friend and they didnt luv you back, how would YOU want them to tell you that? as graciously and gently and nice as fookin possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hehehe i just want her to listen to me when i mansplain to her how WRONG she is and how she is totally misunderstanding this! well she IS! to my detriment! a., im not HIDING anything, im not lying or deceiving, and b., its not evil or wrong for me to get feelings.

hiding is when you pretend whats real is not happening. and also lying about it if asked about.

well i knew it was real and i couldnt help but change my behavior towards her. and boy did she notice! but i couldnt bring myself to say the words. but how could she not have known? well because imho signals are bad, words are good. and she was prob afraid to ask, just as i was afraid to tell.

anyway shit. i hate that my life was ruined and detroyed and devastated and set way back, and she just goes on being a winner. but she will probably sabotage herself by having a bastard baby with a badboy. that or she will just be fairly successful adult and marry a decent man in a few years. lose lose for me hahahaha.

so its my fault and i was stupid for falling in such deep luv with someone who didnt luv me. nothing new there.

however what was new was that i was close to her. i never luved someone i was that CLOSE to.

my biggest mistake was just sitting there waiting for months. well i thought i was giving her the “SPACE” she asked for. i shoulda just sent an email, a text, called her on the phone, been like here it is, deal with it.

 

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