YOU ARE THE CREATORS OF LIFE, SO HAVE SOME D4MN RESPECT FOR IT

feb 22

not so dear person: it sucks when you treat somebody like they did something wrong. when other women dumped me they were very sweet and nice about it, went out of their way to try to spare my feelings. that helped a lot compared to this. youve made no effort to do that, in fact, it seems like you are deliberately trying to hurt me even MORE on top of the rejection: adding insult to injury. this may because you legitimately think i did ahorrible thing to you, that i wronged you, that i manipulated and lied and decieved and betrayed you, so you think you’re justified in showing me contempt and disrespect for that.

i agree cheaters and liars deserve contempt…..but i really really dont think thats what i did. believe me i am predisposed towards guilt and shame and self-blame, so i did blame myself a lot, when you blamed me. i figured you couldnt be wrong. you felt betrayed, so that was all the evidence that was needed. but as time passed, i began to realize, maybe this was all just a horrible misunderstanding, and that you drew the wrong conclusions from what you thought i was doing. i dont feel i betrayed you at ALL. actually i felt that pretty quickly and addressed in in email3 and email4. also i dont know the specifics of what youre feeling because you wont tell me. are you angry? hateful? confused? sad? i mean i KNOW youre upset but that could mean a lot of things. basically do you hate me or not. it SEEMS like it, but im not sure. and i strongly dispute that what i did was something that makes me hateable. i dont think you should be blaming and hating and shaming me for it! i want you to just try to be nice to me! tell me why you want to be mean to me rather than nice. do you think i MANIPULATED you? i would LOVE to go to dr phil and work with him so his team of professionals could explain better than i can why this is such a misunderstanding, and help us communicate with each other better to help resolve it. but im a bti angry because i feel it boils down to the WILLINGNESS to communicate. i am MORE than willing, ive been BEGGING you to communicate, and writing you long emails. in response, you have blocked me and ignored me and said not a single word: showing no willingness whatsoever to listen or to talk. i cant make you want to communicate but it really really hurts me that you dont want to communicate with me at all, since it has the potential to relieve a LOT of my pain, and to make this a good breakup rather than a bad, horrible breakup. why would anyone choose a bad breakup when they have the power to make it a good breakup? breakups are naturally painful as it is, why not try to minimize the pain? right now i feel you are MAXIMIZING the pain. I cant do anything about that. only you can. by communicating with me. write me an email please. the longer the better. tell me what you think about all this, the way i have been doing. go into great detail. but try not to directly hurt me. i dont want to directly hurt you. i dont hate you. it seems you hate me and that hurts me so much.

this doesnt have to end badly. it can end well. why would anyone want something to end badly, where you look back in the years and say that ended badly? when it could have ended much much better? i dont have the power to do anything more. ive literally done everything i can. its all up to you now. i need you to communicate with me and work with me a little here. i cant turn this negative into a positive without your help. so please be willing to give that help. i believe its in your interest to want to end this well, just because of how you will remember it in the long term. it doesnt have to be this bad. is this how you would want someone to end a relationship with you?

its really hard for me to put myself in your position because ive never hated someone like this, ive never ended a relationship like this before, i would never want to. please make an effort to do the right thing. please try to ease some of my pain. please show me some compassion and respect. i dont understand how i dont deserve ANY compassion or respect. i believe i do deserve it. im more than willing to meet with a relationship therapist professional. i already have a therapist i talk to once a month. could you please come with me and we could talk to them together.

im not a bad guy and i hate it when you treat me like i am a horrible person. its so hard on me to end such a good relationship in such a horrible way. and yes a 2.7 year friendship is a relationship, even if i started wanting a different kind of relationship at the end.

Talk to your family. let me talk to your family. tell me your side of the story, and let me tell you my side of the story. this isnt a case of a person blatantly cheating and then saying “its not what it looks like! i swear!”, or someone blatantly abusing someone and then saying “this isnt abuse! this is love! you made me do this! im not doing anything wrong! its all in your head!”.  i was cowardly and fearful but i dont think thats nearly on the same level as abuse, or cheating, or even manipulation. hasn’t your anger towards me cooled off even just a little bit? how can you end a 2.7 year relationship by essentially just blocking the other person like a facebook block? i honestly think i deserve better than that, and that both people in a relationship have some responsibilities towards each other. yes i was cowardly on upholding some of my responsibilities in talking to you sooner, but i just think that WAY OUT OF PROPORTION to throwing someone away like this. the punishment does not fit the crime. its like being sentenced to a life in prison without parole for a speeding ticket. please dont do this. please think of my feelings. it blows my mind that you once cared about me and my feelings and now i am not feeling even 1% of that sense of caring. show me more respect and compassion. just talk to me already. this is no way to end an important relationship.

when you want to get out of a rel, its COMMON COURTESY to let the other person give their opinion. there are consequences to your actions and a big one is that that person will feel a lot of pain. its courteous to acknowledge their pain and try to ease it and to reassure them they are a good person, that they didnt do anything WRONG. because they are ALREADY gonna be blaming themselves. try to ease that for them. show one final act of compassion to this person who opened their heart to you, became vulnerable for you, who YOU were an important part of their life. respect the pain that they will feel. dont add insult to injury by treating them like they deserved it! unless they really deserved it by treating you like a piece of garbage.

i dont deserve being treated like a piece of garbage, because i never treated you like a piece of garbage!!!!

/end

heh. had another dream with woman2012 last night. 2 nights in a row now! in this dream she seemed a little more normal. sluttier hahahaha. she talked about going to parties and drinking, which she never did in real life. i dont normally like these qualities in women, cuz it usually means they are a slut. going to parties, getting drunk, having lots of casual sex with guys they meet at these parties. no thank you.  but in the dream, she was being super nice and coy and girly to me, smiling at me, staring at me, and invited me directly to hang out with her. THIS, i liked! its ok if theyre a slut if they are showing interest in ME! so she invited me to go to a party with her on saturday and i was like hell yeah and felt really happy and alpha and then the dream ended.

never mind that she COULD invite me to the party but immediately lose all interest and just get drunk and fook other guys. but the INTERESTED, flirty way she invited me, implied to me she would probably not do that.

so yeah i basically did a fist pump and said YUSSSS!!!!! like i had just SCORED. feels good man. dont get that feel every 2 years hahahaha.

but yeah girls who go to parties and drink regularly and hang out wiht a lot of guys are BAD NEWS and i have stayed away from girls like that ever since i was 26 hahahaha.

woman2015 was borderline white trash but she did not party and drink. good for her i said. she was also not a slut. she spent a lot of time with her family. a family oriented homebody. the pros of her being a good hearted person outweighed the cons of her being white trash, fatherless, and having Coal Burned. and another thing too i wont mention here because i still have some decency hahahaha.

but we were two different people and i thought we had very similar personalities and values and “Worldviews”; but at the end of the day, shed had a very different life than ive had. very very different. i had a stable family which i thank GOD for.

but yeah really the lives of the vast majority of women are VASTLY different to mine: they have had lots of secs partners, they have had long term relationships, they treat human life like garbage, they throw people away, they abort their children, they play with secs like it cant create human life, and when it does, they just throw that life away. theyve had short term flings and very long term rels. most women have had long term monog rels that last like 2 or 3 years or more before they finally get bored and dump him. ive never experienced that kind of long term intimacy, and if i did, i sure wouldnt THROW IT AWAY like that!

women are the WORST thrower awayers! its HORRIBLE! have some RESPECT FOR HUMAN LIFE!

you are the CREATORS of human life, so have some damn RESPECT for it! and not perpetuate a CULTURE OF DEATH!!!!!!!!! fooking EVIL.

yeah thats what bothers me. that women are evil because of the fookin cavalier way they treat human LIVES: the people they throw away, the way they play around with the life creation process so cavalierly. even women that seem to have decent morals, miss this very basic fundamental moral principle, that it really endangers their entire morality, threatens to make them not moral, not decent people, if you can be so wrong on such a big thing.

i hate the imposter syndrome, where you feel you dont know how to do your job. where its your job to fix something, and you think i dont know how to fix this, cuz you dont! and the people who DO know how to fix it dont want to help you, they say figure it out, or find some way to get rid of the person without fixing it, im too busy to help you, stop wasting our time or youre fired for wasting resources and being inefficient. yeah well its our JOB to fix shit, not give people a n199erish RUNAROUND, so you do YOUR job and help me FIX this, because fixing shit is the entire purpose of our department………..isnt it???!?!?!?!

but in fact its really to give the IMPRESSION of fixing shit, because ACTUALLY fixing shit costs too much money.

that said, we did actually fix some shit, which made the illusion/impression all that more powerful and harmful. mixing lies with the truth so you dont know whats what any more. total confusion and chaos. its stressful and it eats away at you day after day. makes you want to blaze it like a n19ra at the end of every day.

cuz i am too honest. i want to fix problems when that is the OBVIOUS mission of our department. not pay lip service, not give bullshit excuses, and give a runaround, especially when i dont even KNOW what kind of bullshit excuses to give them, and i have to say, id like to help you, but i dont know how, and i cant get any help on this, and ive got to get you off the phone as soon as possible, whether i fix your problem or not.

its like taking a test all day where you arent given the chance to study or prepare, and you dont even know where to look, because many “solutions” do not even officially EXIST. you have a really shitty and incomplete “textbook” that is supplemented with many other things which you dont even know what or where they are.

ideally you would have TWO agents taking every call, a junior and a senior person, where the junior could then learn from the senior. but then you’d be spending TWICE as much money, and also, you dont have ENOUGH seniors who actually know what theyre doing! you have a department where not enough people know what they are doing because EVERYONE wants to get out of there ASAP! the people who do know shit LEAVE for better jobs…..and some just go CRAZY and QUIT, like I did. and i was starting to get over the learning curve. i survived long months of imposter syndrome and feeling totally incompetent and lost. i fought that battle and was starting to WIN! and then i just totally choked and cracked and broke down. that sucks.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2014/12/27/4361/

you can see as of late oct 2014 i was sending signals via text AND i fully expected to hang out VERY soon, like yep we WILL hang out this weekend and I Will Rip the Bandaid off and get it over with. funny. at this point the excuses started from her and little did i know we would never hang out again. damn.

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2014/12/

see that whole month of posts

https://upfrommorallylazyloserness.wordpress.com/2015/01/

in november the Distance started. i said i would give her some time and space. little did i know that meant FOREVER. i said “the ball is SO in her court its not even funny.” as of november. then shit got worse and worse until JULY. but as of november i still had SOME confidence and swagger and a cool head and i was not DEVASTATED. it hadnt EATEN AWAY at me as of yet.

i MIGHT be able to hang out with you this weekend, i’ll text you if i can. and then they never text you. typical female bullshit. this is why you NEED to agree on an appointment basically. and then they complain and say thats weird and awkward, how about i just text you if i want to hang out. and then they never do. in that one smooth move theyve hijacked the whole thing, said fook your rules, were playing by my rules now.

of course at this time she was having a Bad Ending wiht the Short Term guy she was dating. but she had strong feelings for him and was probably willing to do a Long Term thing with him if HE hadnt screwed it up. but it shows her getting Good Feelings……for the WORST type of guys. her chooser is broken.

she told me ABOUT that guy only once things were done, and i said yeah i had an idea but i was too afraid to talk to you about it, and she said she was heartbroken, and we never really talked about him again. definitely should have. that was a topic i wanted to talk about on a Hangout, and not text or email. cuz i was still aiming to hang out wiht her over the holidays.

hey im not denying that i did anything wrong. i was a coward and didnt speak up soon enough and let things flail on pathetically for months. even though at the beginning i had the best of intentions to NOT do that and just get things over with. that didnt happen. but me being cowardly and afraid i dont think is such a huge CRIME as to be Punished in this way and essentially have her Bitterly Blame Me for the end of the rel. if anything, i should be blaming HER bitterly hahahaha.

if you’re choosing to end a rel, why the FOOK cant you do it in a good way?

because you have no father and you choose the wrong guys and trust the wrong guys and dont trust the right guys and no surprise you dont know how to end a rel well.

she lives in the past alot thinking about past tragedies and dead people. this is certainly a tragedy she should feel bad about. but im still ALIVE, and SHE has SOLE power to do soemthing about it! i cant do anything about it!!!!!

i have lost 9 pounds in the past 30 days. not bad uh. might even be TOO much!

it takes like 12 hours of pure exercise to lose 1 pound. 1 fecking pound. and most people do not have 12 hours to spare to exercise. that would take 2 or 3 weeks at least to exercise 12 hours when you are working 50 hours a week.

so you lose 1 pound every 3 weeks. no surprise people dont lose weight and are huge fatasses. the much more effective weight loss thing is to just not eat as much. keep working 50 hours a week but just dont eat as much. if you have a stressful job it helps, because the stress and worry will kill your appetite. when i was at my job, i lost 10 pounds in 30 days because i was too stressed out to eat.

when i am not super stressed, i have a huge appetite. MORE than healthy appetite. like i am hungry all the time now, but i disclipine myself to reach muh weight loss goals.

i think i still think that ONE DAY, perhaps YEARS from now, we will meet again and i will have a second chance and everything will work out. i still cant convince myself that its REALLY over and i will NEVER be with her. after 189 days since last contacting her. DAMN. well its good that ive gone that long without contacting her! and she certainly hasnt contacted me!

but yeah i dont LIKE being essentially ACCUSED of doing something WRONG. i am a very moral person and would never intentionally do something bad to someone else.

oh she wasnt ACCUSING me, she was just too scared for a confrontation.

this is the problem with being confrontation avoidant: THE OTHER PERSON NEVER KNOWS YOUR INTENTIONS!!!!!! and it can EASILY be (mis??)interpreted as Hate and Accusation.

went to gym 2 days in row, only got 760 calories today hahahaha.

like i said, exercising to burn calories SUCKS. its MUCH more efficient to “just” WATCH WHAT YOU EAT. count fooking calories.  all food is FULL of fooktons of calories. and you dont need NEARLY as many calories as you think. meaning you eat too damn much and you have to make a LIFESTYLE CHANGE to not EAT NEARLY as much. it DOES kinda suck.

if you want NOTICEABLE weight loss, like over 10 pounds, and i was essentially going for about 27 damn pounds, holy shit, exercise alone is NOT ENOUGH. i could never exercise enough to burn the calories from all the food i luv to eat. considering your body needs only a lousy 1700 calories a day, any more gets turned to extra weight. you wont BELIEVE how much youve been OVEREATING until you calculate what you actually need, and then calculate what youre actually fooking eating.

you cant just go and have 4 slices of pizza as an after dinner snack, washed down with 2 or 3 sodas.

you cant have 2 big meals a day. you might not be able to have ONE big meal a day hahahaha. i could EASILY eat 1700 calories in one meal. like going to thai restaurant and eating a whole order of pad thai noodles hahahaha.

or going to chinese restaurant and eating the whole egg roll and the whole sesame chicken and rice.

or going and eating like 12 chicken wangs. thats like 1200 calories right there negro.

i want more training for my job but the people at my job dont want to train me moar! is there anything on the internet or books i can buy to help me with my job where my higher ups dont want to train me better or help me?

yeah it just sucks when you cant even explain something, because you dont understand it yourself. it was so frustrating and i got so anxious and worried and eventually tried to understand everything. but there was so much and it was so complex; and new stuff kept being added; and stuff was spread out and you couldnt even find it; so many unknown unknowns. i could not handle that all day.

well for a while i DID. then as my confidence regarding HER started decreasing, so did my confidence about the job. it was STUPID.

i just cant go back to a damn CALL CENTER where its you JOB to answer ringing phones all day, with confusing problems you have to fix on every call. its not just do this for me please. its what the fook is going on here? and you dont damn know! and the “subject matter experts” you work “in parallel with” are actually just giving you the most half assed “advice” in a chat room and making you BEG to escalate shit you cant figure out. retarded.

so yeah i hated the anxiety, hated the ringing phones, hated all the uncertainty, that you never knew what you were gonna get next, hating not knowing what i was doing, feeling like an incompetent imposter, and that ths was the punishment i had to suffer to make 15DAH. and SHE got me into this hell. and NOW she is turning away from me, leaving me, when i needed her.

was i TOO needy? yes and no. the fact that i was in one sided luv with her meant that i would always need her more than she needed me. but over time she got worse and worse at giving even a little.

CALL CENTER. yikes. i have like ptsd over that hahahaha. going into the call center and seeing the little cubicles and people on their headsets, all the people on calls, getting weird stupid shit themselves. and you would walk in and your stomach gurgling from coffee and fear about when you had to put on your headset and log into ready mode and start taking calls and what the fook would it be.

and then over there there was the chat people who never answered phones and i was jealous because they never had to answer phones; but they were glued to their screens as they had to help 3 or more people at the same time. so that was a huge tradeoff and the one thing that kept me from begging to be moved from phones to chats. because im terrible at multitasking and didnt want to deal with more than one issue/customer at a time!!!!!!!!

let me find an answer for you, i’ll have to put you on hold for 5 minutes….

5 minutes later…..

well heres what they said, does that make any sense to you? no? ok let me get some more clarification here, i’ll have put you on hold for 5 minutes….

6 minutes later….

well heres what they said about that, that it just couldnt be done. yes i completely agree that is no good. not good at all, but it is what it is. yeah this SHOULD be fixed in a future update. no ETA. probably not next update. in fact it might not be till next year. i’m not privy to their documents but this seems like something that would be low priority for them hahahaha. no you cant talk to the person i was talking it, and maybe he will understand it better if you talk directly to him. well maybe thats true, cuz you seem to understand the issue better than I do! but you sure as hell cant talk to him. he’s just one guy in a chat room and has 20 people like me asking him questions at the same time. is there ANYBODY you can talk to? no…..no not really. there is literally no one you can talk to, other than another level 1 who probably knows even less than i do. that is serious the way this company operates. how do they get away with it? well because most people arent persistent assholes like you hahahaha and they just accept the futility of it all, accept that some things just arent gonna get fixed. ok i have to get you off the phone because its been over 20 minutes and my Quality Team is bugging me about the call length.

the whole environment in the technical support call center is just ridiculous……and i believe we had a pretty GOOD one! as in, above average! i was LUCKY!!!!!! anyway i dont know how anyone, can do this for a living. those damn indians have nerves of steel. you need nerves of steel.

heh. what about emergency dispatchers? i couldnt do that either. yeah gimme 5 minutes im gonna argue with the senior dispatcher to see if i can convince them to send out an ambulance. now just continue to give him 400 chest compressions……

they would rather have us spend 2 hours on a phone call than send out an actual physical tech person to the location…..because it was cheaper to spend 2 hours on the phone than to send out a physical person. even though the service level agreement SLA time target was 20 minutes.

also im angry that SHE could handle the job, and i couldnt.

i STILL get RUSTLED just THINKING about the job. 7 months later. it is kinda like low grade ptsd hahahaha. i would never want to go back to a similar job. the ringing phones. the constant bombardment of confusing problem after confusing problem. the not knowing anything and feeling like an incompetent idiot, which does not make the callers happy. that you cant get good help, and getting shitty help is like pulling teeth. because its a culture where getting help is frowned upon, because helping wastes time and resources and is not efficient!!!!! and efficiency is valued over actually fixing stuff. so then they just call BACK angrier that they got the runaround the first time. welp i cant find the record of that because its very complicated trying to find previous cases, im not that good at that yet, so i cant really PROVE to my higher up that this is in fact a recurring problem. your word is not good enough. at least half of callers lie hahahaha. not you of course.

MAXIMUM RUSTLAGE.

i handled it alot better when i got along with HER.

well, i still freaked out though. i was able to someone just barely hold it together though, when i got along with her. when i stopped getting along with her……i stopped being able to just barely hold it together. and then spilled my proverbial guts out of my eviscerated stomach hahahaha. the guts came bursting loose.

but im mad that she can be completely emotionally immature, even more than me…..but she can also be more emotionally STABLE than me; to not be driven crazy or devastated; to keep doing that super stressful job, whereas i couldnt handle it and had to quit like a neet bitch phaggot virgin. real men dont quit. respectable white men dont quit. hysterical neurotic girly neetbois QUIT. anxious autist virgin r9k neets quit. failures at life. grown men trying to turn their lives around dont quit. and i fookin QUIT. i did it.

i quit the job just like she quit me;

and if she fooked up the job like she fooked up her rel with me, she would have been FIRED faster than she “fired” me. hahahaha i like this analogy yes i mentioned it last time.

i will never understand people who eat BUGS. i dont care if you COOK them and season them. you are still eating fooking beetles and worms and crickets and scorpions and shit, ZIMMERN hahahahahaha.

i have a theory that whites ate less BUGS in their history than nonwhites hahahaha. white people dont eat BUGS. they will eat ROOTS before they eat bugs. eat vegetables and nuts and fruits and grains and once in a while, you capture a squirrel or rabbit and your family has a feast of meat. but no fooking maggot looking mealworms or crunchy beetles with their disgusting insect legs poking out of your mouth. fook you. i never ate an insect and i never plan to.

but women are even more degenerate when they are sluts.

its really the disregard for human life, and the ignorance of their own bodies, which rustles me the most.

they dont realize how hard men have to WORK to get secs, because women can get sex on demand.

I don’t mind that, because that only makes SENSE. but it makes no sense to the women themselves! they dont understand WHY that is! because you can get PREGNANT, YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!

so THATS why you should be a LOT more careful about secs. i dont care that contraceptives exist. i dont care. it doesnt matter. the contraceptives are degenerate and j00ish because they have brainwashed women into separating the REPRODUCTIVE from the RECREATIONAL aspects of secs.

NORMALLY, in NATURE, secs is Procreational First, and Recreational a VERY distant second….even if it may be a lot of FUN. but adding contraception to that muddies the waters so much. it separates those two functions in a way they were never meant to be separated, and its had horrible effects on womens minds, and thei degenerate sex practices. becoming huge sluts having tons of casual recreational secs, just because now secs doesnt mean pregnant.

IT DOESNT MATTER. its what the act is capable of doing, not how YOURE capable of artificially preventing the act from taking its natural purpose.

 

SHOWING ANY NEED AT ALL IS NOT BEING TOO NEEDY / PEOPLE WHO HATE CHEATING CAN STILL EMOTIONALLY CHEAT

TOOT TOOT!! GR8 EFFORTPOAST COMING THRU!!!!!!!

real australian tier qualitypost here hahaha.

i do honestly believe tbh fam that this post is in the top 20%, if not the top 10% of Raw and Insightful Insight, of Emotion finally losing a bit of its steam to Logic and Rationality and Cool Heads 2 Save the day.

0221

yeahhhhh buddy.

dear person: (gonna try doing this a little more. something about the idea of addressing directly to her. because i have a ton of things i want to say to her, and she has nothing to say to me, and REFUSES to listen to what i have to say, but i can still say it anyway. just not send it to her hahahahaha.)

how could you. i mean COME ON. maybe not 3 years but definitely 2.667 years. close enough. COME ON. didnt you care about me as a person AT ALL? I really thought you did. maybe you did but you just HAD to avoid the confrontation aka communication THAT badly. well thats on you, not me. i cant MAKE you WANT to communicate. i cant MAKE you WANT to show me that you care about me as a person.

i cant MAKE you understand that you thinking i BETRAYED you is unreasonable and not the case. you never WANTED to hear my side of the story. you never WANTED to think that POSSIBLY you might be misunderstanding this whole situation. and then made up your mind to NEVER listen to my side of it. a person that had been in your life for 2.67 years. i just cant understand how you can turn those feelings off like that. i know you were distancing, but i thought there was SOMETHING left there. the memories, and not just that, but the ROOTS, the fact we still saw each other every day and were cordial to each other. couldnt you have just LISTENED to me and said SOMETHING in response to that? how can you just get RID of somebody you knew for so long, and had slowly BUILT a relationship and a foundation with. you cant just throw that away, it doesnt WORK like that. its a horrible thing to do to a person. deep down i think you KNOW this, but you cant bring yourself to even LISTEN to me and to even make a statement about what you feel about all this. i cant keep contacting you because the ball has been in your court for a long long time. plus i need a lot of no contact in order to heal. but you can still contact ME and let you know that you listened, that you cared about me, that you didnt MEAN to TMALAPOG. i TOLD you i felt TALAPOG and it would have been really nice if you responded to that just saying you didnt MEAN for that. but you didnt even do that. didnt even lift a finger. didnt even send an email or a text. and we texted all the time, you text people all day long, how could you not even send ME one text, when we had a long term rel established.

I KNOW it was in trouble and things were bad, but thats no excuse. rights and responsibilities. you cant just give up on a person liek that. thats kind of abandonment. nobody likes to be abandoned. youve been abandoned, you know how horrible it is. dont do that to ME. i trusted that you cared enough about me to not do that to me…..even if we were having problems.

this has left me so confused and devastated. i have so much i want to say to you and you refuse to listen to any of it. i would like to hear what you have to say, but you refuse to tell me. how do you think that makes me feel? how could you not have anything to say to me about this? you obviously have some feelings about it. you dont throw someone away and not have strong feelings about the matter. you have to have something to say to me, so just say it. it would help me process this and get better closure. sure closure ultimately comes from within, but it doesnt HAVE to be so one sided. you can help me out a LITTLE bit. im not asking for a LOT. just give me a LITTLE. i think a 2.67 year relationship deserves at least a LITTLE bit of effort and communication and sharing and respect and caring and not being thrown away and abandoned and forgotten. i cant forget it. i dont think you can forget it either. just share your feelings with me. even if a lot was one sided, you were a part of this relationship too, for a long time. just treat me like a human being and not a forgotten piece of garbage. i wasnt just some random piece of garbage revolving in an out of your life in a matter of months. we were friends for 2.67 years and we got along great and you told me things you’d never told ANYBODY. doesn’t that mean anything to you? just communicate to me that that meant something to you, that I meant something to you. you meant a LOT to me, and right now you’re telling me I meant NOTHING to you. this has devastated me. you dont have to share my feelings. im not asking that. just tell me i meant SOMETHING to you as a person, and that you didnt MEAN to hurt me so much, that im not a piece of garbage to you. cuz im not a piece of garbage, and you, someone who is so important to me, sure treated me like one, and i never saw this coming. there was no warning, no red flags that you would do this to me. i tried to give you big hints that my feelings to you had changed, and im pretty sure you picked up on that. i wish you had just commuincated with me about that. i can handle my feelings being rejected, but i cant handle being rejected on this much deeper level. a human being reduced to a disposable object, a nonhuman. NOBODY can handle that. thats much worse than a standard normal rejection. thats not the way you reject people or end a relationship? what say you? NOTHING? ive never experienced this before.

ending a relship is always painful, but ending a relship this way is 100000000 times MORE painful. i have reached out to you to please choose to act differently, meaning simply just write to me and tell me how you feel, tell me i mattered, tell me youre listening to me and thinking about this, tell me i didnt betray you, tell me our friendship mattered, that i mattered, that i have worth and dont deserve to be thrown away.

/end for now hahahahaha

that kind of shit. see i already feel .5% better hahahaha.

i need to learn to SELF SOOTHE better, to calm myself down and convince myself that everything will be all right, i can handle this, i can get through this.

thats how you get confidence and my confidence is REKT right now. i dont feel i can DO ANYTHING.

that awful job didnt help. i prob could have kept my confidence up if she werent there. but the double whammy was too much. she eroded my confidence to nothing, and i needed a decent amount of confidence to do my job. which was constantly solving weird problems where i had incomplete information and unknowns all the time. but i needed to project confidence and say yeah i got this, ill fix this. i just couldnt even fake it any more. fake it till you make it they say, and that was very true here. but it got to the point where i just couldnt even fake it any more. faking it was not helping me make it. i couldnt fake it long and hard enough to the point where i finally made it.

well, i started to. but then shit hit the fan with her. and this was the type of job where the new stuff never ended. it was a constant stream of new stuff. you couldnt just learn the stuff and then rest on your laurels. the new stuff just kept coming all the time, you were always like a babe in the woods. you had to KEEP faking it till you made it on the new stuff. i guess what im saying is there was too much new stuff. i couldnt get a handle on it and that drove me crazy and weakened my confidence and competence as well.

im not very mature, i am very emotional, hysterical and neurotic like a damn woman….but do women HAVE to be SO bad? SO immature? i was way more mature than she was here. except for my hysterical emotions harming myself, basically K’ing myself symbolically in a way.

like if women are so emotionally immature they can totally destroy someone emotionally and be emotional infants…..how the hell can they continue living their lives, ie doing their damn jobs for 50 hours a week and not getting fired or quitting?

i mean there is talk in the Alt Right that women should have never been given the vote, becuase theyre basically not emotionally mature enough to vote. i just dont know.

they’re not emotionally mature enough to treat people well and handle normal relationships, thats for sure!

but they ARE emotionally mature enough to handle a stressful confusing job 50 hours a week and not get fired for completely fooking it up?

but they definitely fook up relationships and other people?

i mean if she fooked up her JOB as bad as she fooked up our rel, she would have been fired on the SPOT, just like she “fired” me on the SPOT.

and really the job was a lot HARDER and more complicated and confusing than a damn rel. all she needed to do was communicate with me a little bit. and the job involved communicated with many people all day on many complicated confusing unknown issues. you can do THAT but you cant talk to ME at ALL??????

see it continues to boggle the mind.

basically if you can do that job, you are probably intelligent or stable enough to vote, i would think.

i dunno. i just struggle a lot with the idea that Women are too Emotionally Immature to handle Relationships. and that you as the man have to take ALL the responsibility to guide and lead them at ALL TIMES. i know men and women are different, but is it really THAT bad? shit i can lead and guide 75% of the time, maybe even 90%……but during TOUGH TIMES, i NEED a little reassurance from the woman. can’t they put in even 10% of the responsibility in a relationship?

i had a dream last night with woman2012 and it didnt really bother me at ALL. i would like to get to that point with woman2015 and i suppose i will. by 2019 hahahahahahahaha. in the dream i saw her and she was like yep im just really busy with work, working 2 jobs, this is my one day off to just kinda recharge, cuz otherwise i’m ALWAYS working, 60 to 80 hours a week, its intense.

i was just thinking, i would need a LOT more than 1 lousy day a week to recharge!!!!!!!!

basically i would try to recharge the second i got out of work, to the second i had to go back to work…..and it wasnt enough. i didnt have ENOUGH time to recharge even for a damn 40 hour a week job! cuz the job took THAT much out of me, and i wasnt ABLE to recharge when i got home. i wasnt REALLY “recharging”, i was just CONSTANTLY WORRYING about the job, even when i was OFF of the job. also i was worrying about other stuff too, like her. who i would see at the job every day. but i couldnt get her to hang out with me outside of the job. any more. i used to be able to.

i used to be much more confident and masculine and cool with her.

but i wish that bitches wouldnt BAIL on you the SECOND you lose frame and start showing even a little bit of weakness or need. then you’re TOO needy.

showing ANY NEED AT ALL is not being TOO NEEDY, bitches!!!!!!!

you were in a damn 4 year secsual monogamous longterm rel with a man and lived with him!!!!!! you were mature with HIM, why couldnt you be mature even just a LITTLE with ME???? where we also had a long, good, relship? just because it wasnt SECSUAL??? it doesnt matter! we were still close and intimate in other ways!!!!!!

well this is a red flag in itself: that she is SEEKING intimacy with OTHER MEN WHILE she is with another guy:

she was essentially EMOTIONALLY CHEATING on HIM, with ME!!!!!!!!

That is still a weird thought to me.  because i am so AGAINST cheating in all of its forms, but i never thought of it like that.

i would have been angry if i was him, for her to be making Good Friends with New Guys and hanging out with them. but then again i am the jealous type, and i would expect to be Judged As Wrong for being Mad about that. she can hang out with whoever she wants! its not like shes CHEATING on you!

so i was focused on the possibility of physical cheating, that i didnt really think about emotional cheating.

and what she was doing to HIM with ME, Was arguable Emotional C H E A T I N G.

i dont think she realized it; i certainly didnt realize it; because she hated cheating, and i hated cheating, and i was so happy we agreed on that.

people who hate cheating can still emotionally cheat.

you can still emotionally cheat even if you dont realize youre doing it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am just realizing that NOW, 7 months after shit ENDED with her.

was she emotionally mature enough to realize she was on the thin ice of potential emotional cheating? OF COURSHE NOT!!!! absolutely not!!!! she was and is a nice person who would probably never willing cheat, but she is also ignorant and immature and frightened and dumb and confused and wrong, so………that will be a problem for all of her good intentions.

it should NEVER be underestimated that her use of the herbal j00 is also emotionally compromising her and confusing her. shit i am confused enough WITHOUT the stuff. that is a big deal, a big topic, and im of two minds on it. i luv it, but its love hate. i recognize the cons, which MOST people who partake do NOT, and live in DENIAL of the serious cons. like her. she would be in denial.

i thought it was kewl and great that my Perfect Angel and I could one day cuddle together and Blaze It Happily Ever After. that would have been a good pro. but it was not to be. and in fact it probably just made her MORE emotionally immature and emotionally retarded and emotionally wrong. easier to convince herself of the retarded conclusion that id betrayed or wronged her; and also that stuff enables you in AVOIDING CONFRONTATION. which she did NOT need any extra enabling on. it makes you AVOID RESPONSIBILITY, AVOID doing the right thing, makes you morally weak, even if you have the best intentions. i say all this from personal experience too! been there, done that, got the tshirt, literally wasted YEARS of my life on MJ and regret UNTOLD amount of potential and opportunities wasted because of it!!!!!! yet i am STILL drawn to it because it makes music better and gives you Calm Warm Fuzzies once the Anxiety and Dread wears off. but it probably makes you more anxious in general even once you quit it.

no not all MJheads are like that…..just me. hahahaha. plus i think a lot of people are in DENIAL. heck its easy to be in denial because you want to keep enjoying it.

anyway you think a WINNER like The DON is smoking MJ every day? fook no, he doesnt even DRINK. his brother threw his life away on drinking btw.

tl,dr: the MJ is ABSOLUTELY clouding her mind and judgment even if she doesnt think it is, and ABSOLUTELY had some role in why she did what she did to me. HURT me. intentionally or not. MJ makes people with good intentions do bad hurtful things they probably wouldnt otherwise do. fook yeah in that way it is destructive. i destroyed myself when i was younger with it; and with it she destroyed our relship. don’t believe the j00 media’s LIES that it is a Misunderstood Medicine.

No. W33d is For N1993rs. Have some SELF RESPECT hahahaha (line from american history x hahahaha)

i can say all this because i’ve been there, i’ve PAID THE PRICE. oh lawd have i EVER. you only learn this lesson long after the fact.

heh. love hate. like whose afraid of virginia woolf. see they hateloved each other. they hated each other all day every day, but at the end of the day, they loved each other enough that neither one of them said IM DONE! IVE HAD ENOUGH! and just walked out on the other.

call it an unhealthy attachment or codependence; i call it loyalty and true luv hahahahaha.

because their unhealthy codependence showed that they were still committed to each other on some level. no one was about to ABANDON the other. they wouldnt THINK of it. so this WILLINGNESS to still be with one another, means that with Healthy Communication (which they did not have!!) they might have resolved their hatred for each other, and dealt with the death of their son in a mature, healthy way. EASY PEASY.

so yeah its telling that THEIR relship was imho way BETTER than what OUR relationship turned into. all because of her unwillingness to communicate, or commit essentially. she de-committed from me entirely. i had no IDEA the EXTENT she was decommitted. I thought she still CARED about me on a fundamental level, underneath all the anger. and her inability and unwillingness to show any caring…….was more than hurtful to me, it was DEVASTATING.

google how to deal with abandonment

i mean the other women who left me, sure they DISAPPOINTED me greatly, but i didnt feel this sense of total abandonment. its amazing what one little talk can do in that regard.

oh its not abandonment because……i was too naive and needy and immature to get too attached.

SO THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU GET TO BE SHITTY TO PEOPLE.

its not really shitty, its all in your mind that its shitty. i was just done with the rel, its YOU who THINKS its SHITTY. thats all in your MIND.

THIS is why i want to take this to dr phil court of rel law and have them PROVE thru the EVIDENCE that YES it WAS shitty and YOU, she, is GUILTY OF BEING SHITTY. Guilty of an Honest To God Relship CRIME.

like oh i cheated on my husband but thats not shitty, its all on him for GETTING MAD about it. he doesnt HAVE to get mad. its a matter of PERCEPTION. if he learned not to get mad about his wife being nonmonogamous.

see how this is a slippery slope to absolve yourself of ANY responsibility? NO its NOT ALL PERCEPTION, SOME things are GENUINELY shitty and this is one of them! you cant just do ANYTHING to anyone and blame it on THEM that they are PERCEIVING it.

well they CHOSE to get MAD about it.

because YOU HURT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!

I might try to read this somewhat awesome seeming post aloud into my recorder so i can use it as a spoken word voie recording affirmation to listen to at the Gym or elsewhere. the main things to remember:

i dont care how emotionally immature women are supposed to be. they have to have a LITTLE responsibility. she did not even show a LITTLE responsibility.  the situation was hopeless.

it IS not just a subjective matter of perception. there is right and there is wrong, and what she did was very WRONG. damn moral relativism is a big reason i Left the Left. there is actual morality. it doesnt need to be religious per se, but right and wrong objectively exists, and can be measured and judged. and abandoning a friend of 2.67 years while they ask you to talk to them, and you just block them and leave them, is wrong as hell.

its a very fooked up thing and it would legitimately HURT ANYONE. it would hurt a confident normie quite a lot and turn them into a needy underconfident neet. and it hurt me even more. also i was not expecting it. there were red flags from her, but NOT indicating THIS. i had no indication that something THIS bad was just about to happen.

this takes time to get over, at least a year, but with no contact, and maybe some more writing of letters directly to her, i will eventually get over it and STOP wanting to be with her, and become available to have feelings for other people. where i will use the lessons i learned here, to have a decent rel with them. lessons like, communicate about feelings very early and very often. interrogate them with direct questions like a damn police detective hahahaha.

ok.

that feel when you should have lost at least 1 pound during the week but you have only lost .4 pounds in the past 7 days. BUT i can “lose” like 3 pounds a day, prob due to Water Weight and Coffee Weight. you can lose a POUND just by URINATING. get up in the morning, take a 2 pound P1ss, and THEN weigh yourself hahahaha.

dear person: i hate how you can just SIT THERE and MOVE ON with your life like you did nothing wrong. you want to get fooked by exciting new guys from tinder? you never used to be a whore. now you are. but whats just as bad is that you cant even ADMIT that what you did was WRONG. you dont even CARE about the karma. and i thought you cared about karma. we talked about karma. i thought you truly understood karma. well you didnt, regarding me.

i saw you be kind and loving and giving and committed and loyal and how you TRIED with other men. i thought you would TRY with me, to at least treat me like a valued friend. try not to hurt me too much, try to ease my pain. but you didnt lift a damn finger. just say you acknowledge that you hurt me. dont blame it on me and my perception. what you did was wrong and hurtful regardless of perception, because its undeniably wrong to treat a PERSON like an OBJECT like this. to treat a person as worthless. to treat a friend of 2.7 years as worthless is even worse. it doesnt MATTER that i got feelings for you. and also feelings are not a BETRAYAL! they just happen sometimes when men and women are as close as we were for as long as we were! we were close and intimate in a way! you shared some emotionally intimate things with me. i didnt share as much with you but i shared a little. and i appreciated your trust. i never betrayed that trust, never would. and getting feelings is NOT betrayal. i didnt have ulterior motives. i was just a friend who got feelings after a long time. i dont know entirely WHY i didnt get them earlier, well it was because you were dating somebody, and i hate cheating, and i dont like the idea of breaking people up either. i didnt LET myself get feelings until you were done with him. and remember i didnt encourage you to break up with him, like i wanted to get with you! i encouraged you to TALK TO HIM and work it out! like you should have done with ME!

and i think you DID talk to him and try to work it out, like you should have done with me, but DIDNT!!!!!! at least with him you communicated and determined the relationship could not be saved, and ended on much better terms.

didnt you WANT to end things with me on GOOD TERMS? I wrote to you and asked you, please lets end this on good terms!!!!!! and you said NOTHING! how could anyone not want to end ANY relationship on the best terms possible? why would you want to spend your life hating someone? and now i am spending way too much time being upset with you and how you ended this! and i blamed myself too, a lot. do you think i deserved that? to blame myself as the bad guy, for making this happen? I didnt MAKE this happen!!! i wish you could UDNERSTAND THAT!!!!!! i wish you could understand your role in this, and just say or do something to show me more respect and kindness. yeah you MADE me feel bad, because you showed me NO respect!!!!! when you disrespect someone, it hurts them!!!!!! i never disrespected YOU like this!!!!!

just show me you CARE about me! you cant stop caring about a person like this! you used to care about me! you can STILL care about me as a friend even if you dont share my feelings! im still the same person! care for that person! me! i didnt change at my core, just my feelings towards you did! yeah i KNOW thats uncomfortable and weird for you, its a little weird for me too! but dont PUNISH me for it! read this article which explains that its normal and natural for men to develop feelings for their female friends or vice versa. didn’t YOU ever get feelings for a male friend? how would YOU react if they did to you what you’re doing to me now? you would be quite hurt i guarantee it!!!!

dear person: another thing i was upset about was how you treated me like i did something horribly wrong. so naturally i felt like i did something horribly wrong and i felt very very bad about that. i didnt WANT to do anything wrong, especially not to you. i was shocked that i could do something so wrong completely by accident. i was desperate for a way to make amends to you and show you i was sorry. but i also disputed that i actually did something that wrong. one friend getting feelings for another really isnt a crime that needs to be punished. its not a horrible thing or a form of betrayal. its uncomfortable and weird and awkward sure, it can lead to the end of the friendship sure, but its not a horrible thing that you need to blame and hate the other person for. in fact this just makes it worse for them! if i could choose not to have these feelings i would! i didnt want to complicate our friendship like this! but complicating the friendship is not the same as me committing a malicious crime and deserving hate.  yes i understand how you could view this as a kind of betrayal or something you should hate me for, like i was lying to you or hiding something from you, or that i had a dual intent or hidden motive from the very moment i met you. i understand that. but i swear on this entire rel, on everything that is sacred to me, on the white race, that this is just not true. my feelings only started after you broke up with your long term boifran. maybe if you were available when we first met, i might have gotten feelings earlier. i just cant say. thats not how it worked out. maybe i was forcing myself NOT to have feelings, because i respected the integrity of the relationship you were in, i respect all long term relationships inherently, because i hate cheating and i think monogamy is the best. i wanted to see your relationship succeed with that guy.

would i have gotten feelings if you two stayed together? if you got married? i cant possibly say. even if i did, i wouldnt try to interfere with your relationship. i just dont do that. i have too much respect for the institution of marriage and long term monogamous relationships to ever interfere in one.

anyway the point is, its not a CRIME to get feelings and there are much different ways to react. please try to put yourself in my position. i didnt ask for this. but sometimes feelings just happen. you cant really choose who you get feelings for, or choose to turn those feelings off or on. the best thing you can do is present the feelings openly and talk about them. it affects us both because both of us are in this relationship. a friendship, especially a close and good one, is definitely kind of a relationship. i just wanted our close friendship to be even closer, where we could share even more things with each other. this would involve me sharing more of my own self than i have done before.

what if you got feelings for someone, and they treated you like you committed a horrible crime against them? not only would your feelings be rejected, but how would you feel if they treated you like a monster just for GETTING feelings for them?  its like rejection on top of rejection, insult on top of injury.

its not wrong to get feelings. it matters what you DO with those feelings. if you break up somebodys relationship with cheating, thats obviously wrong. if you lie to the person and pretend you dont have feelings, thats kinda wrong too, though not nearly as much so as cheating. there are degrees of wrongness here. cheating is super wrong, not being forthcoming about your feelings is just a little bit wrong. also, sometimes you are afraid of showing the feelings because youre afraid of rejection. it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there in the face of rejection like that. so i dont think its WRONG to feel hesitation and fear there. especially when you might not be JUST rejected for your feelings, but you yourself totally rejected as an inferior, horrible, shitty person doing a horrible shitty crime. which its NOT.

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm

not entirely relevant article, but it does talk about the experience of sensitive people feeling difficult emotions.

ive told you i can be sensitive and have strong emotions. i know this is not manly so i try to not share these feelings too much, or to make a conscious effort to be less emotional and more manly. but sometimes its just too much to hold back. like now.

anyway its not inherently wrong to get feelings for another person even if youre already IN a relship. its what you DO about this. here, the right thing is to probably stop seeing that person, and to work on your relationship with your partner.

this is not the greatest example because i was not in a relationship. but you were. but i didnt HAVE the feelings when you were. it was only when we were BOTH not in a relship that my feelings came on.

however also at that same time i suspected you might have started dating another guy. yeah i messed up because i should have just asked you about this. and also told you about my feelings as soon as possible.

but then things ended with him really quickly. i mean everything was moving very quickly, too quickly for me to really keep up. there was a period between june and october where everything was moving very quickly and was all jumbled and confused.

i dont know. maybe you thought i was being sneak and scheming and waiting until the perfect moment to strike, and felt i was some kind of sneaky predator in that way. all i can say to that is i swear on the white race i was not scheming, and basically my feelings were starting at the same time your relationship with the second guy was ending, and yeah i should have talked to you more about that, but it all happened pretty fast. it was the timing. just general timing of your life and my life and the things going on for each of us. the timing was not great. meaning when i finally got actual official feelings for you…..you might have been “single” but you were definitely emotionally unavailable because things had JUST ended with the second guy. but if you could start dating a guy so soon after a 4 year relationship, i guess i thought maybe you could date me in short time after a 3 month relationship.

so yeah i wasnt waiting for the perfect moment to strike. because the timing of everything was just bad. however i KNEW we had to talk about this already. thats why i was always bugging you to hang out. really i was just asking you once every 2 weeks, which i dont think was bugging. and also we used to hang out, so it was a fair assumption that we would hang out again. really i wanted to TALK about everything, the tension that was starting to brew.

yeah i can understand how you were frustrated with me, but please put yourself in my position and see that im not a horrible person, i didnt do a horrible thing, and i dont deserve to be treated like this, and that to be treated like this is extremely hurtful. i have been heartbroken before, but never this bad, this long.

yeah i was bad and afraid to communicate and the timing was bad. you can blame me for being afraid to communicate, but arent we all afraid to communicate sometimes about stuff like this? also i dont think i deserve to be blamed for just getting feelings. also i think that being afraid to communicate is not such a crime that it warrants being punished by being completely abandoned. mayeb you are just afraid to communicate with me the way i was afraid to commmunicate with you. okay thats fine. but give me SOMETHING. write me emails the way i have written you emails. ask me to hang out the way i have constantly asked you to hang out. then we could TALK about this in a stress free environment. but why were you avoiding me for so long? if you were mad at me, couldnt you just have talked to me rather than dumping me in this awful way? see how i cant stop writing you long emails? its because i have so much i want to talk about, but cant. cant you please just write me a long email at least, if you are afraid to talk? its ok to be afraid. but please try to break through that fear. even a big coward pussy like me can at least write emails. and i eventually told you how i felt. and i was consciously trying to give other signs, like texting you more, and telling you how important you were to me, making you mix cds, being more intimate in the way i talked to you, basically acting like someone who had feelings for you, because i did!!!!!! i KNOW you noticed a change in my beahvior! that change was entirely because of, a result of, a symbol of, my new feelings for you!!!!!

so you ended it in such a harsh way because you felt betrayed by me. but listen to me please, try to see how this might not be a betrayal, how much this hurts me, how i NEVER wanted to hurt or betray you, and that you have the power to change this, by just talking to me. i cant do it alone. if you can accept that i didnt betray you, then you can be more compassionate to me in the ending of this rel.

and the only way we can work through this idea of betrayal, is to talk about it. but i dont feel i am being heard or listened to or empathized with at ALL.

/end for now

QUOTE

[–]mib5799 2 points 1 year ago
This is the problem with relationships.
No communication.
A little bit of proactive communication would have answered this before it happened.
Here’s the ACTUAL answer.
Cheating is breaking the rules.
What those rules are in your relationship? I don’t know. And because you never talked about them, NEITHER DO YOU.
Everyone else here is answering what they believe, which is why the answers are all over. They’re telling you their own rules, which are not yours.
Communication is the only way out of this. You have to talk to your partner about what’s going on, and where the limits are, and where you’re at now, and where you’re going.
This is the only real solution.

END

http://thecoupleconnection.net/articles/how-to-have-a-good-breakup

QUOTE:

The more direct you are, the more considerate you’re likely to be. Imagine a scenario where you break up with someone by avoiding them, or drifting away, or even putting all your flaws on display in the hopes that they’llbreak up with you.

Not only would that show a lack of compassion on your part, but it’s might also make things harder after you breakup. So, while ending a bad relationship is sometimes the right choice to make, it really is worth trying to do it as kindly as possible.

While it may seem harder, being direct is a much more compassionate way to leave your lover. Be clear that you want to end the relationship, and show your soon-to-be-ex-partner that you care how it affects them. It won’t be entirely painless, but you’ll have a much better breakup as a result [1].

END

[1] Sprecher, S., Zimmerman, C., & Abrahams, E. M. (2010). Choosing Compassionate Strategies to End a Relationship. Social Psychology, 41(2), 66–75.

http://my.ilstu.edu/~czimmer/Sprecher_Zimmerman_Abrahams_2010.pdf

full text of article BOOM!!!!!!!!!

no fooking bustle or frisky or collegetimes or thoughtcatalog women are wonderful BULLSHIT that tell you you do whatever you want and be a fookin narcissist with no regard to the mans feelings. but fookin phds in relationships. yeah i know phds are just as pozzed and degen as The Frisky hehehe.

but really there is nothign super great in the article and it is written in the shitty way of an academic article hahahaha.

https://about.illinoisstate.edu/sprecher/Pages/Research.aspx

dr susan ((((sprecher)))) phd might have some other stuff worth reading tho

Close Relationships Research Laboratory? Sign me up for a PHD with my new Favorite Faculty Adviser! illinois state phd here i come hahahaha.

http://www.iarr.org/

international association for relationship research hehehehehe find some more phds like docker sprecher

Compassionate love. L. Bormans (EDs), The world book of love: The knowledge and wisdom of 100 love professors from all around the world. Lannoo publishers (2013): 64-65.

scholars writing articles for a “non scholarly” book. basically just what i am looking for.

http://www.theworldbookoflove.com/en

http://www2.hawaii.edu/~elaineh/71.pdf

sprecher, measuring passionate love, the Passionate Love Scale oh lawd

i could call her on her cell phone number which she lists on her CV hahahahaha

NO im not gonna do that, i hate making phone calls hahahaha BUT mainly because the very idea is ridiculous and creepy and im not THAT fooked up!

Sprecher, S. (1994). Two sides to the breakup of dating relationships.Personal Relationships, 1(3), 199-222.

yep there are two sides hahahahahah. i just want her to feel a little more pain hahahaha like i am. but i dont want to be the one to hurt her. i want her to WISE UP and realize for herself that she was WRONG. i did NOT betray her and she should NOT have done this!!!!!!

how do you clear up misunderstandings? the two people NEED to TALK. maybe even with a marriage and family therapist. which i was willing to do hehehehehe.

she wants ME to feel bad for…..well she wont tell me exactly, but for being a cowardly communicator, and for a sense of betraying her.

i want HER to feel bad for abandoning me.

maybe i am misunderstanding her just as horribly as she is misunderstanding me. i didnt betray her! well she didnt abandon me!!

oh lord i thought i had made some progress today, then this…….

this is EXACTLY why i want the Court Of Relationship Law to hear the evidence and render a VERDICT.

we are both misunderstanding each other. difference is, i am dying to understand, i am dying to talk and work towards an understanding. she is not.

i want to hear her side of the story. she does not want to her my side of the story. and yeah i very much WANT to tell her my side of the story. she does not want to hear it.

i wish i could throw people away so easily and get on with my life!

NO I DONT. i really DONT want to get so RETARDED AND WRONG that i cant even discern betrayal correctly, and i never want to be able to treat people like fooking garbage objects.

i mean BETRAYAL is a heavy ass thing. when in doubt, i would just assume its NOT betrayal, that its probably just a damn misunderstanding. i dont even think what she did to me was betrayal per se. i am willing to view it as a huge misunderstanding. why cant she do the same for me? especially when what i did was so much LESS worse hahahaha. its just being afraid to talk about feelings. everyones AFRAID to have a difficult conversation. she avoids the shit like the PLAGUE. she avoided me every time i invited her.

1008 calories consumed today, 908 calories burned at gym hahahahaha. = 100 net calories and a big WARNING from myfitnesspal.

CANT TELL IF BEING BLOCKED OR JUST IGNORED

0218

sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

how do think this is an ok way to end a rel? how do you think what youre doing is acceptable and ok? how can you not see this is not a good thing? there may be no legal code on how to end a rel the right way, but there are some basics that you should know, that even I know, who has never been in a real rel hahahaha. if one person reaches out and says please dont treat me like garbage to throw away, we had a long term friendship that needs to be acknowledged respectfully…..uhh try to do the right thing and do what theyre asking. ask your older wiser relatives for help on how to do this, even if you dont have a father, your mother seems smart enough to know what to do here.

you might think that you can end a 3 year friendship with the snap of a finger, but you cant. not even for nihilistic sociopath bitches whose only relationships are the farcical machinations of The Relationship Simulator, would be able to tell you that a Three Year Friendship is INCONTROVERTIBLE EVIDENCE, OBJECTIVE FACT, that something important and long term was established here. it doesnt matter that we wanted different things, that i wanted to upgrade and she wanted to downgrade. thats true, but its IRRELEVANT to the fact that there is a three year friendship here that is being DESTROYED. and ANY court of law or court of dr phil hahahaha would agree that you cant just snap your fingers, wave a magic wand and undo/erase/delete a 3 year friendship. EVEN IF that friendship is On The Rocks. doesnt matter. irrelevant. long term relationships just dont die this way. it takes a process, a procedure, it takes time, it doesnt happen over night. it doesnt matter if she wasnt committed and i was. this wasnt a four month Relationship Simulation. it was a Three Year Real Deal. that is a Real Relationship. doesnt matter if its a normal friendship, or a fooking passive aggressive clusterfook where you fook and lie to each other and emotionally abuse and manipulate and betray each other like whos afraid of virginia woolf hahahahaha. at least they had secs once a year and she couldnt bring herself to just walk out on him hahahaha. they had a GREAT rel compared to me and her hahahaha.

you hate him so much? JUST LEAVE THEN. if they dont leave you, they still luv you. and with me, women have had NO PROBLEM saying its over im done and just walking out. absolutely not at ALL willing to put ANYTHING into the rel. feels good man hahahaha. no loyalty or commitment or luv. just im done, its over, im walking out now.

but even SHE should FEEL something, even SHE shouldnt be able to abort a 3 year friendship without feeling ANYTHING.

so if she feels bad….why not do something about it, to stop feeling bad? because she is THAT afraid of Confrontation. avoids it THAT much. she would rather feel bad, than confront me, meaning communicate with me at all.

so does that mean i should contact her through every weird way possible? no of course not. she blocked me on facebook, so i should contact her on okcupid, where she hasnt blocked me yet? also i have no way of knowing if she’s blocked my email or not, the way i can prove that she’s blocked me on facebook. fb is unique in that you can figure out if youve been blocked. email, or phone, you just cant be sure if youre being BLOCKED or just IGNORED.

am i being BLOCKED or IGNORED. hahahahaha. does it really MATTER? this is a joke see. hahahaha. it really doesnt MATTER. its an unknown unknown. in either case its the other persons responsibility to let you know when theyve stopped ignoring or blocking you. and they probably wont want to!

Basically i am allowed to be upset, VERY upset even, that someone i had a Proven, Objective, Factual, UNDENIABLE Three Year Friendship with, decided to end that friendship immediately and unilaterally and very disrespectfully, taking a real, objectively valuable thing, and throwing it in the garbage. therefore, i have a right to be upset. and god damn am i ever upset.

hehehe whos afraid of virginia woolf had a better stronger rel than me and her had hahahahaha ooosh thats bad.

yeah well i thought it was stronger than that. i knew there were issues but i didnt think she was about to PULL THE PLUG like that.

i knew things were in trouble, but i didnt think they were THAT bad. cuz she never gave me an ultimatum or even had a serious talk with me. i welcomed the chance! but noooooo.

so i was NAIVE because i was too attached to her?

theres limitations to this stupid argument. it doesnt let people get away with shitty things just because. THATS LIKE YOUR OPINION MAAAAAN. Thats just your PERCEPTION, thats not Provable Reality. Its only in your Mind. this rel existed only in your MIND, so its YOUR problem, you cant say SHE did anything wrong. cuz in HER mind, there was nothing, no rel.

so, to rebut/refute that, i present as evidence exhibit A, a 3 year friendship.

EVIDENCE. that it was not all in my head. that it was real for her too. maybe timestamps of all the times i hung out with her and things we did for each other.

basically, saying “the relationship existed only in the other person’s mind” does NOT give you license to do shitty things to them. like try to fooking DELETE a 3 year friendship, no strings attached.

dunno. i just hate how someone i thought was muh friend would rather get fooked by diseased dicks, than ever talk to me ever again. so stupid. just because the bitch hates communication.

i am so not equipped to handle this. i wanted to show her, dont be scared of me, im not mad at you, i will always be willing to talk to you. but i AM kinda mad at her. but yeah i still want to talk to her, because i want her, want a chance at her, etc. hate that she would rather get fooked by strange dick than ever see me again, etc.

this is IMPOSSIBLE to get over. i understand that GOD needs to TEST me, but did it have to be THIS hardcore? this test is not making me stronger but weaker and worse.

its also sad that i will have great difficulty finding a woman i get along with better than HER, the person who did THIS. i hadnt gotten along with a woman that well in at least 5 years, she was possibly the closest female friend i ever had in my LIFE, and it STILL ended this horribly. she couldnt even respect me enough to write me an email. she could have even said in the email, ok after this email, im blocking/ignoring everything you send me.

oh its not abandonment because she didnt consent to the relationship, she was out of the relationship, and i didnt know.

I didnt know because she didnt TELL ME!

When you have a three year friendship, its YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to TELL the other person you want out when you want out. PERIOD. PERIOD. FULL STOP. THE END.

Its natural and a part of life that relationships come to an end. sometimes its mutual. sometimes its not.

but yeah the good lord threw this test at me and i just cant handle it. i just want the increased dose of citalopram to kick in. hope to GOD it does. in an ideal world i wouldnt take this stuff. its funny. that woman was staunchly against SSRI drugs, believed they erased your memory and caused brain damage and made you a good goy slave for the 1% or whatever hahahaha. now she was into conspiracies and i am into conspiracies a bit too. and i went through a staunch anti SSRI phase myself. and i am STILL stuanchly against many other types of meds, including female birth control pill, which i believe fooks up womens minds and turns them into sociopath monsters.

but i take muh SSRIs because my mind is already fooked up and i am DESPERATE for something that actually works even a little bit.

the only thing that seemed to work was a close friendship with a woman. that would probably evolve into a Luv thing.

working a bigboy fulltime job didnt help; exercising didnt really help. i was at my most confident when things were going good with HER. which they have not been going good with her since end of year 2014 hahaha.

yeah closure comes from within, but a GOOD DEAL of it CAN come from without. the other person can CHOOSE to make it a LOT easier on you and give you a LOT of closure so that it saves you a LOT of time and heartbreak and pain. and why shouldn’t they. see relationship bill of rights and RESPONSIBILITIES.

TELL the person you want to get out of the rel, try to be gentle to them, try to give them some closure, respect them, respect their PAIN that is in large part caused by YOU. appreciate that YOU are gonna HURT them. dont just SHIRK all this because you hate confrontation. i hate confrontation too. but i would NEVER do this to somebody.

well lets look at it this way. did Bugging Her ever get me what I wanted, ever? when i Bugged her to hang out, she refused to hang out. if i Bug her to give me respect and closure and respond, you think shes gonna respond? fook no!

not that i was super bugging her. and not that she wasnt being ridiculously unreasonable! meaning, i only “BUGGED” her once every 2 weeks, and she kept saying no. no. stupid excuse. maybe later. avoiding and avoiding for 10 months. cant even hang out wiht me ONCE in ten months of me “bugging” her at reasonable, non-bugging intervals. fook me.

shit yeah im going crazy, ever since. and im not ALLOWED to tell her any of this because shes decided shes done with me, and if i come after her saying IM MAD AT U, WHAT U DID WAS WRONG, U SHOULD FEEL BAD, then that makes me the stalker bad guy, and i dont really want to be that.

0219

i didnt deserve this.

2. i will NEVER fully understand this.

3. what IS clear and unambiguous is that she does not want to be in a rel with me. not gonna happen.

4. nobody deserves to be thrown away aka ABANDONED.

5. its not just a matter of perception or opinion. you just cant dispose of a three year relship like this, period. there are roots which go deep.

6. some people are just THAT hellbent on avoiding confrontation of any kind, at all costs, by any means necessary.

7. the avoiding confrontation “explanation” is going to be the best “explanation” im ever going to get here. stop wasting energy trying to figure shit out…..because its IMPOSSIBLE to figure shit out without her cooperation.

8. she could not be LESS willing to cooperate. i directly asked for mercy and she rejected that requested. said no mercy for you.

9. this is legimately sucky and shitty and i am RIGHT to be very upset. VERY upset. she flushed away a 3 year friendship without even talking to me. thats legit objectively preponderance of evidence court of law admissable shitty. i have a RIGHT to be very upset. but i can eventually get over the EXTREME pain and move on with my life, and that is my ultimate goal.

0220

yeah shit i mean i just dont get how i could have SO MUCH to want to say to her…..and she could have NOTHING she wanted to say to me. i had 1000000000 pages worth of stuff i wanted to tell her, get off my chest, just have her heart it. and after a 3 year friendship where i KNOW i was at one time important and valuable to her…..now she s able to throw it away and not have a single word she wants to tell me. and wont respond to me when i ask her to.

yeah just boggles the mind.

i have written SO MUCH because theres SO MUCH i want to TELL HER. boggles the mind how she has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to say to me. not even “fook you, you betrayed me, you liar”. at least then i would know exactly what she was thinking, as WRONG as it would be, i would know where she stood regarding me, other than simply never wanting to talk to me again.

is it because her father abandoned her, and as a close male friend, i also became kind of a symbolic father figure to her? and this was the perfect chance for her to get revenge on HIM by doing the same thing he did to her, on her stand-in symbolic father, ie ME????!!??!

maybe. file that one alongside all the other unprovable theories.

but yeah. that was the thought that came to me yesterday: how could she have NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT ALL THIS? oh maybe she did, but not to me. shes got nothing to say to ME. why the hell not? we were friends for 3 years and youre just gonna shut me out have NOTHING to say to me? at least tell me WHY youre punishing me! people who get punished usually have an idea of what they did. i…..my idea is that she’s punishing me for “betraying” her…..but she doesnt understand that i didnt really betray her.

i mean is it REALLY THAT UNHEARD OF for a man to get feelings for his young woman friend? is that really so out of the realm of possibility? especially when they get along so well and supposedly had a lot of shared values, things in common, similar personalities, etc.

https://archive.is/4ICWb

marriage, men, masculinity; using game for the right reasons, ie finding a good decent traditional woman for a longterm monog child-bearing rel, rather than degen sodomy with degen sluts.

ok maybe this is a private topic only, they are doing heavier moderation on the forums now. yeah pretty sure you have to be logged in as a member in order to read it now. and archive.is wont save anything that you need to be logged in for. which makes sense.

anyway. yeah. that was the thing that was bothering me. i have SO MUCH stuff to say TO her, that i want to say to her, but i cant, so i write stuff she will never see, just so i can get it out, and in many cases i end up spinning my wheels in a rut. its just weird that i have SO MUCH i want to say to her, and she has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.  Is that hate? is is disrespect? i dont even know what it is but its not good. i mean if i am mad at somebody, i would want to tell them why i was mad at them, hahahaha, assuming i were better at confrontation. but i dont even really get MAD at specific people for specific things, i generally dont rock the boat and get along ok with people.  except for her.

but yeah if i got along SO WELL with her, then we would have been able to communicate better.

i wish i knew the moment that she was checked out. cuz i didnt think she was THAT MUCH checked out. i thought she would cool off and EVENTUALLY respond to me. because how can you flush away someone you spent 3 years of your life with? i couldnt do that! yet im jealous of the men she DOES luv, i wish i could have her luv ME like that. not want to give up on me. have her be willing to fight for a rel with ME.

i mean one person is building a bridge towards the other person, who is building a wall. both people need to be building bridges towards each other.

theres also the bullshit of women playing “hard to get” and you have to “do all the work”, vs they actually dont want anything to do with you. i think she actually just didnt want anything to do with me. which was hard to accept and impossible to understand, since we “got along so well” for 3 years.

i thought we DID get along better than that though. we DID! we USED to hang out and have good talks.

but it was like she SENSED it the SECOND i got feelings and from that moment, BANNED me from hanging out with her!

but it was complicated because we saw each other every day and talked every day at work. and she responded to my texts outside of work. and prior to this we were outside of work friends. i just wanted to hang out wiht her outside of work like we USED to. i mean the work environment was horrible and i could never relax and have a serious friendly talk with her.

a damn small peanut butter and jelly sandwich has like 450 calories hahahaha.

heh. i cant believe i have to stay to 1570 calories a day just to lose 1 pound a week. i can eat 1570 calories in ONE MEAL. at 1570 calories a day you are hungry all the time except right after you eat a small meal which you kinda wanta eat more!

but yeah its really really hard to leave something unfinished and to accept we will never have an answer. never really experienced this before. in the past it was pretty clear that women were intentionally dumping me and then i quickly moved into a hatred/anger phase, when now i’m MUCH more on a blaming myself / still being in luv with her phase that is lasting forever. but it IS clear she is intentionally dumping me!

but i kinda want her to KNOW HOW SHITTY of a thing this is do to, like i need to stand up for myself and say what you did fooking SUCKS, you should NEVER EVER EVER EVER do that to a person, because it hurts them a LOT. SHAME on you. you need to be punished and spend some time seriously thinking about why what you did was horrible and wrong.

and when i say punished, i mean i would love to give her a good spanking, but that would have an obvious large erotic aspect. like i am spanking the woman i love and fairly getting off to it and afterwards we will live happily ever after.

but as far as physical pain or even emotional/psych torture, i have no urge to like beat the shit out of her or something, like guys who beat their wives to death with closed fists or blunt objects hahahaha. just a good spanking.

like i dont want to do anything to HURT her, i dont want to HURT anyone. but i DO want her to feel GUILT and SHAME for doing a BAD thing. write me a 10,000 word essay on why its wrong. seriously.

and also i kinda want her to get punished by unlucky events in life, and laughing bitterly at her fallen shameful life; especially like getting knocked up by a deadbeat and being a white trash single mother who can’t keep a man and who just can’t pick a damn decent man who will treat her right. like me hahahahaha. she will always pick an Actual Badboy over a Good Guy. and when i say bad boy, i dont mean like a tough guy alpha male good guy like The Don, i mean like deadbeat pill poppers and alcoholics and cheaters and deadbeats and pump and dump types. she literally is not calibrated to pick men who are good for her. again this probably comes from her father. naturally i wanted to save her. it seemed like she COULD be saved: she wasnt too far gone, we got along so well, she was very nice and sweet to me, she hadnt been with too many guys, so lets at least TALK ABOUT the idea of taking our friendship to a deeper level.

but yeah she didnt give me any hints she was gonna do THIS. i knew things were coming to a boil but i did NOT anticipate or prepare for this. i knew shit was in trouble but i thought we would have some sort of argument at least. i did not expect to be abandoned and blocked from all discussion. i expected to be screamed at and called a piece of shit and having a big scene like that. but not this.

well i guess now the good news is that i know how to prepare for this sort of situation in the future: if there is tension growing, address it openly ASAP rather than waiting; tell them what you need to say in person even if they are avoiding you outside of work hahahaha.

see this is such a strange situation because im not some beta orbiter stalking the qt gurl at the office, where the rel is ALL IN HIS HEAD. we were real life friends BEFORE we both started this job at the same time. and then essentially got downgraded from real life friends to work friends, while for 10 months i struggled and begged her to hang out with me outside of work, and she avoided me with excuses rather than just saying no.

so, dont take bullshit like that. say, we havent hung out in 3 months. we didnt hang out for tgiving OR xmas OR new years and i thought we would. whats going on here. what are you thinking and feeling. i want to hang otu with you and i am HURT that we NEVER have any time together.

she might not like me having feelings for her, but i thought i was an important person in her life, and that she would CARE ABOUT ME, CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS. she had done so before! and when you CARE about a person, you just dont throw them away!

like you know when you are upset or mad at someone you luv. you know that in a few days you will cool off and hopefully talk about your situation. but DEEP DOWN you never  lose sight of the fact that you care about them, you dont want to GET RID of them, you’re just upset at them RIGHT NOW. even when you’re in the depths of anger. you know its only temporary and you need to cool off.

well, unless its one of those things THIS IS THE LAST STRAW! IM LEAVING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!! the type of people that are always giving dramatic ultimatums at every fight.

well she never gave dramatic ultimatums but what she did was essentially carrying out an unspoken dramatic ultimatum. but there wasnt a PATTERN of this happening either, so that made it harder for me to anticipate it and prepare for it! there was no PATTERN of fighting and silent treatment! this was our first, only, and last major fight!

and also the thought that she would throw away a 3 year relationship over ONE fight. yeah it was kinda a big fight but…….

i was facing her with my arms open, welcoming her to come to me, trust me, be with me, talk to me; she was facing the other way with her arms crossed essentially. and then walked away and never looked back. it doesnt matter HOW open i was to her since she was as CLOSED as a person can BE to me.

ideally both people are facing each OTHER with open arms.

but do women show you any WILL? i dont know if this is agency or what….but YES i think they DO show SOME sort of damn INTEREST or WILL or WANT when they WANT to do something with you: spend time with you, be with you, work on your relship problems with you, talk it out.

heh. i would have been TOTALLY willing to go to a Relationship Counselor. i would be the type begging my Partner to go to a Relship Counselor. and my partner would stubbornly refuse. nein nein nein nein nein nein nein!!!!!

OR………they would not even say nein, they would just sigh ugh, walk away, abandon me, block me, ignore me, ban me, never respond to me, and never talk to me ever again, leaving me to go crazy for the next year at least hahahahaha.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING S0D0MITES / RUSHING THRU THE RELATIONSHIP SIMULATOR

0215

welp went to gym yesterday for first time in a while, that was good. so hard to burn even 700 calories hahahaha. the way easier way to lose weight is to just not eat as much. now then youre always hungry but after a while you get more used to it, like your stomach shrinks. but with exercising its so hard to burn 700, 800, 900 calories. and its hard to exercise when you are hungry before you go in there. so the best thing to do is to eat a decent sized meal THEN go exercise. then not eat afterwards. then your net calories in the day is under 700 hahahahaha.

shit if That Woman dumped me in a Good Way, i would STILL be mad and angry and STILL blame myself and STILL overreact. i have done it before. when woman2005 dumped me i didnt really understand what was going on. it did not sink it AT ALL. i didnt accept it. i said welp i will keep trying to hang out with her and make out with her but we will just call it Casual Fun and I will try to get used to the idea that she is probably dating other guys including her x boifran. oh well. call it anything as long as i can still be with her. i didnt understand that she didnt want to be with me AT ALL. i mean i had a REALLY thick skull about it.

and i got more angry at her than i should have, treated her worse than i should have. i dont feel too bad about it though, she became very successful and happy in life hahahaha.

she didnt think i liked her as much as i did, she thought i was over it quickly. but i wasnt hahahaha. also it didnt help that i wore her down so that i got to make out with her a bit more, that made me think There Was A Chance, and that she was evil for Stringing Me Along. when in fact i was just being Pushy and she didnt know what else to do.

i dont blame myself too much because i was young and in luv hahahah and was desperate, would do anything to be with her. share her with other guys, not call  it a “relship”, hang out only once every 2 weeks, whatever it took.

i didnt understand that it was really over; i didnt understand that i needed to stay away from her; combine this with not really great communication, and the fact that i saw her and talked to her regularly, and i began to go crazy and hate her, when really i brought a lot of that on myself. well we were both young. but she had a LOT more experience being in Rels and long term rels and short term rels and communicating in rels than i did!!!!!

heh. just because women have TONS more experience in Secs and Relships than you do, dont assume they have TONS of good experience communicating.

i wasnt communicating well either tbh. i was essentially trying to scam her or manipulate her into Being With Me without realizing she was Being With Me. So she could still physically Be With Me and still satisfy whatever bullshit criteria she had where she didnt want a Real Serious Relationship. OK well then i would redefine and manipulate what  “relship” meant and what kind of “relship” we had. so i could be with her in some capacity by an means necessary. because i didnt understand what she was telling me. but at least she tried hahahaha. and she was a sneaky little J who had probably been with 10+ guys and had who knows how many Abortions. She was a middle class College Gurl who went to Grad Skool for a Middle Class Career! and i am not talking about online MBA. more like brick and mortar phd.

anyway i just hate how i get such strong feelings for women, then when they dump me, i am SO DEVASTATED i can barely live my life. not that i can barely live my life anyway. but its 10000000 times worse when a woman i am in luv with dumps me!

oh what an idiot i am! i went looking on okcupid for HER and OH LORD I FOUND HER! it said she was online now. i did not say anything hahahaha. but it was not fun seeing the 2 pictures of her or whatever. i also could not see what her answers to questions were. it also said we were 87% enemies.

there was nothing really on there. I WONDER HOW MANY GUYS SHES FOOKED FROM IT hahahaha. prob over 10. what a disgusting degenerate sodomite. why did she reject me hahahahah. why couldnt she just say sorry im not interested. why couldnt she just be interested. why does a 25 year old attractive woman without children need to go on any Dating Site. what kind of guys does she think she is gonna find on here. what kind of women do i think are on here. trashy crazy slutty sodomite women. hehehehe.

she doesnt need to go on okcupid! she can just contact me!

why does she want to get fooked by other guys! she still has UNFINISHED BUSINESS with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she should be too ASHAMED to meet anybody else until she has cleared her conscience with ME!!!!!!!

well i already closed out of the shit. i did not bookmark anything, did not save any pictures, did not copy and paste anything. i just saw we had a high enemy percentage. although i answered a lot of questions falsely to make myself appear like a Dark Triad Narcissistic Alpha Male who was not into Monogamous Relships hahahahaha.

dont go out cruising for new c0k you sodomite degenerate whore! take care of the unfinished business in your life which gives you bad karma and makes you a bad person and not worth dating! hahahaha.

she had boring 2 word blurbs on the main page, i dont want to go back to look at them. i think she said she spend s alot of time thinknig about “the past, the present, and the future.” HA. I HOPE she AGONIZES over the PAST hahahaha. fooks sake, i cant escape it.

so do i feel better or worse, having the stupid goal of looking for her on that…..and finding her? i dunno it wasnt a BIG deal….but its still stupid. wish i had not done it. dont do it again.

really i just looked for white gurls of her exact age who live in her zipcode and found her super easily.

heh. i hope she meets a lot of shitty guys that remind her of how AWESOME i was and how SPECIAL and GOOD our relship was, and how BAD she treated me. and that at the very LEAST, she should APOLOGIZE to me for HURTING me.

uh oh did i see everything i needed to see on the profile? should i go back and look at it again? OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHOULDNT HAVE LOOKED AT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

amazing and tragic that THATS the person i used to get along with so GOOD. so long ago and getting longer. yet i cant fookin get over it.

but couldnt contacting her give me some information and some answers and some closure hahahahaha and it might HELP me get over her?

yeah or i would just get right back into the shit. pretty sure looking at this profile regularly would be a HORRIBLE idea.

bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl to use a sleazy dating site!

bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl who would just GIVE UP on a person like that!

bbbbbbut she was never the type of gurl to take 10000000 cox from degenerate sodomites on a casual sex site hahahaha.

un fookin believable. i hate wimmin hahahaha. fook me i should have NEVER looked at that page. never looked FOR it. DONT DO IT AGAIN.

ok i deleted her thing from my history and made my stupid okc profile more pro-white and 1488 ish hahahahaha. well shit, she will probably see that i visited her profile and then come visit mine, and might be able to figure out its me. hehehehe. i put her on my “HIDE” list so……whatever that means. what if she sends me a message. oh i hope she does hahahahaha.

so now i will unhide her for about a week to see if she visits my profile. cuz you can see who visits your profile. creepy guys like me talking about how much they hate stupid sluts and can YOU pass my tests and meet my uncompromisingly high standardz muhahahahahaha

i would just say, hey i dont appreciate being TALAPOG, that hurt me a LOT, i wish you had shown ME the respect i deserved instead of being too COWARDLY to deal with the situation like an adult.

come on. before you meet other cox you can fook and throw away, have recreational secs and just play with the creation of human life, take care of the shitty things YOU did in YOUR past so you can move forward with a clearer conscience. i hope it eats her alive hahahahahahaha.

have you ever thrown someone away like a piece of garbage?

did they REALLY deserve it? did they REALLY? did they abuse you, cheat on you? did they REALLY betray you? or were you just an immature coward who wanted to avoid confrontation? would rather avoid confrontation and communication than do the right thing regarding a long term relship.

i never did anything like that to anyone! and if i ever came close (i didnt) i APOLOGIZED to them and they said hey no problem, its not as bad as you think. like in 2005 when i felt guilty because i felt i was sorta ignoring some friends in favor of other friends. so later in 2014 i apologized to the people i felt i might have been ignoring and they said what u talkin about, aint no thang.

0217

shit looking at that okcupid thing was a horrible idea. ruined muh day. i was losing sleep thinking about that bullshit even more than usual. so today i deactivated /  disabled okcupid, not like i want to meet anyone new anyway, still obsessed with her. addicted to a person. CODEPENDENT.

basically, she would rather throw away something GOOD because she would RATHER have casual secs with sleazy internet sleazbags from okcupid and tinder. she would rather throw me away, a guy who really luved her, to be with a bunch of tattooed pill poppers. that that scum of the earth is better than me. a decent guy who really luved her and would be there for her. just throw that guy out because its funner to make babies with deadbeats. unbelievable.

and SHE refuses to talk to ME! she blocked ME, like i am such a monster, when SHE does these MONSTROUS things! a monster saying that I am too monstrous to talk to HER!!!!!!!!!!

thing is, she’s not any more monstrous than any other average woman.

basically, i want to MATTER to somebody. to a woman i mean hahahaha. i want to MATTER to women like i have MATTERED to some of muh male friends. leave an IMPACT. be someone you never really forget. someone that takes a long time to Get Over. you arent just deleted, forgotten, and replaced. i hate that feeling. even with other women, there was the feeling of: OK im done with you now, id rather meet new guys now.

i try to treat everyone as the special snowflake they are. everyone is unique and special in their own way. i have NEVER been into short term relationships. NEVER. because these are not just pieces of meat or garbage or material, they are living breathing PEOPLE with hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities and talents and gifts and value and worth. you CANT just replace ANYONE. and it bothers me that women have treated me like i was so dispensable, expendable, unimportant. disposable, replaceable. male friends never treated me like that!

its like women dont understand the value of human life! just cycling through a revolving door of people. meeting, fooking, replacing, maybe getting briefly infatuated but never really loving anyone or respecting anyone. no WONDER they can cheat and lie and kill their babies hahaha.

i wonder if women have been duped into thinking that giving up their babies for adoption is actually worse (more immoral) than ABORTION. because they’ve equated adoption with “a mother abandoning her child to a stranger”, and abortion to “a mercy killing of a clump of cells that hasnt had time to become a real human life yet.”

hehehe total MORAL INVERSION. ABSOLUTELY DEGENERATE.

and this is just a sign of the CURRENT Race War: that our WOMEN have been completely RUINED and turned into inhuman monsters. nightmarish hellish doom creatures hahaha. that is what has become of the beauty of the white woman.

there is nothing but a barren crater where my heart once was and it is unlikely i will ever love a woman again. i will likely always hate women. but I will always have love in my heart for my race, and by association, the women of my race. yet i have to accept that 99% of white women are GARBAGE. and i hate seeing the most beautiful, best women in the world, being corrupted and ruined into such disgusting garbage. these should be wives and mothers, raising the next generation of beautiful white children. instead they have become degenerate sodomite garbage worthy of no white man. maybe in a white nation they could function as brood mares. but they are capable of being so much MORE than brood mares.  plus the ideal society probably shouldnt even HAVE brood mares, because healthy white families would produce all the white children you need. also it seems unnatural to separate a mother from her children. so how about just abort the children hahahaha.

how about you just show me youre not a MONSTER who does monstrous things to me.

ACKNOWLEDGE that what you did HURT ME and show remorse for that.

maybe show that YOU are in pain too, that this isnt easy for you either. show me that i mattered to you.

because i didnt just lose someone i luved, i lost what i THOUGHT was a good friend. overnight. in the blink of an eye. but Relships just DONT, CANT end that way. you cant just shoot them in the head and theyre dead. its more like you stab them in the heart and they Bleed Out for Months, Dying in Agony. i would take a bullet in the head any day over that! all figurative speaking of course.

to have someone go from Good Friend to NOTHING, just gone from your life forever, overnight.

one day they were a good important friend. next day they are like i dont know you any more i never knew you. go from 100 to 0 overnight. people and relationships JUST DONT WORK THAT WAY, i dont care HOW degenerate and desouled you are.

just treat me as a human being, show that you care i am hurting. show some damn care for me. just TRY not to hurt me excessively. i never tried to hurt her. i never wanted to hurt her. i always showed care and love and kindness and mercy for her, even if i was afraid to blurt out my feelings. but i never THALAPOG. she was very valuable to me and i tried to show her that. i was apparently not very valuable to her, cuz she never tried to show me otherwise.

SHOW ME that i’m valuable to you. TREAT ME like im valuable to you.

i literally could not possibly treat another human being this way.

that shes been hurt before is no excuse!!!!!!!!!! IVE been hurt before and if ANYTHING, it’s reassured me that I WILL NEVER, AS GOD AS MY WITNESS, EVER TREAT SOMEONE THE HORRIBLE WAY I HAVE BEEN TREATED.

if anything, being treated that way yourself should GUARANTEE you will never do the same thing yourself to another person!

so fook that, i dont care how many times other people have hurt her. ITS NO EXCUSE.

you think i ever wanted to hurt her like this? NO! i wanted to be her WHITE KNIGHT and protect her from all harm!

mgtow phaggots mock husbands for “white knighting” for their wives, and not quite understanding that husbands are SUPPOSED to “white knight” for their wives. that in the ideal rel, BOTH people put their spouses on a pedestal. you have chosen this person as one of the most important people in your life. you enter into this special social contract willingly.

now you shouldnt white knight some WHORE who doesnt deserve it…….but i honestly thought she deserved it! no kids, low cok count, appeared to take relships seriously……………………until she met me hahahahahahaha.

i mean i take note of what kind of men they choose and how they treat men. if they are always dumping men , take another cok, lose interest quickly, dump the guy, repeat the process REGULARLY and QUICKLY. always a bad sign. so when i met a woman who had had really only one BF, i thought I had found a woman who was good for me. my ideal woman does not cycle through men like a……….cok carousel hahahaha. it ruins the women and its not really fair to the men either, well, the men like me who still fall in luv, and want a traditional long term monogamous rel.

and its OBSCENE that any woman WOULD want anything BUT a traditional, long term, monogamous rel. okcupid now gives you an option for “monogamous” or “non monogamous.” ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

its OBSCENE that any woman would want ANYTHING BUT a Monogamous Relationship.

THIS is how ruined and destroyed our once-beautiful white women are. this is how white genocide is being committed. this IS a RACE WAR NOW.  you could make a strong case for these RACE TRAITORS to go on the day of the rope…….but i am big softie and have an inborn urge to white knight for white women. i dont want to punish even the race traitors. just make them brood mares, harvest their eggs, maybe make them a prostitute caste, or ideally just banish them to live among the nonwhite hordes they love so much more than their own men.

this is how absolutely destroyed our women are. they view non-monogamy as a viable alternative.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

honestly. dont want to confront me in person? write me a letter or an email! a long email!

uhhhh well tell her that.

but i cant tell HER ANYTHING because its been too LONG and it would make me LOOK CREEPY. and then im instantly the bad guy because i LOOKED CREEPY. and thats how bitches win every argument and always take the high road (in a low down manner!) by claiming that EVERYTHINGS abuse, EVERYTHINGS betrayal, EVERYTHINGS creepy, EVERYTHINGS weird, EVERYTHING makes them uncomfortable, and the second a woman accuses you of making her feel UNCOMFORTABLE, youre as bad as a Racist Rapist. because you “made” an Emotional Retarded Infant feel Uncomfortable for something shitty THEY did.

ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

aiMo1Qj

hehehehe i hate women even more than stefan molyneux does. yeah well i cant blame him. women are fooking MONSTROUS MONSTERS, who once you think youve seen the depths of their degeneracy and evil, just keep getting worse and worse. from the collective average women, to the individual women that you truly love. will keep finding new and twisted ways to destroy you, and defile themselves.

heh. just try to dump me in a way that isnt gonna make me HATE WOMEN.

really, just dump me in a way that isnt gonna make me hate YOU.

i guess its easier said than done, but…….not really. respond to communication, dont treat it like you holding a persons head underwater until they finally stop thrashing, and just shut up and die already.

ok ok ok well its ok and even good for me to hate HER, but i dont NEED to hate all women, because…..

not all women are like that

not all women are like that

not all women are like that

not all women are like that

not all women are like that.

its funny. i am DESPERATE to believe this mantra, to convince myself that not all women are horrible pieces of shit who will break your heart in the worst ways imagineable………but one of the first “Red Pills” is that, yes, all women ARE like that, or at least 99.9999999% of them are, or that 100% of women Can Easily Become Like That.

i dont care. i just NEED TO BELIEVE that NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT or else i will fooking hate all women hahahaha and i dont WANT to hate all women. white women are the mothers of the white race. and i will gladly White Knight for White Women all day long.

well, the ones that arent monstrous degenerates, sodomites, race traitors, non monagamous. the .0000000000001% who Arent Like That hahahahaha.

but it IS easier for women to replace men. how hard you think it is for her to find a gainfully employed, somewhat handsome, charming man who wont abuse or cheat on her? they are LINING UP to meet her on tinder and okcupid.

meanwhile, how hard do you think it will be for me to find a young, attractive, low number, no children, easy to get along with woman? super hard! i still find it hard to believe i ever met HER! and that i got along with her so well, instantly! and i never thought it would end this way.

not all women are like that!

i dont WANT all women to be like that.

i dont WANT to hate all women!

its PATHETIC to hate all women!

plus i KNOW not all women are like that!

one of the only things that gives me hope is that Woman2012 The Asexual is not like that, she did not treat me like that, she gave a MASTER COURSE in how to reject a man politely and I will Forever Respect her for the way she rejected me hahahahaha.

and she didnt need to experience 100000 cox to learn how to do it. she just Empathized, and thought of how she wanted to be treated, and probably talked to her Father whom she had a good rel with, and he said, welp, rejection is never fun, and a proper woman like my daughter should not be a huge cvnt when rejecting guys unless they are like harrassing her, in which case i the father will intervene with my sidearm.

but yeah these fatherless gurls are just a mess. i should have stayed far away. but no. i was happy that she didnt have the NORMAL daddy issues of being a huge whore. so she ended up having the OTHER daddy issues of she abandons good men and is loyal only to men who dont love her. im talking about That Person.

wwwwwwhat if i had just gotten her pregnant? used a baby to trap her in a life that would ultimately be good for me, good for her, good for the white race?

well she might have just aborted the child anyway; dumped me anyway; i could have gone crazy and K’d myself because i cant take care of a white child; and also she WOULDNT EVEN HANG OUT WITH ME, how the hell was i supposed to get her pregnant. she’d rather hang out with pill popping neck tattoo types on tinder, diseased players, and get diseases from them, than hang out with worthless ol me. boo hoo.

more fun to get diseases from random trashy guys, than to hang out with a guy she knows and can trust and who has her best interests in mind and used to respect her before she treated him LAPOG.

hey she COULD trust me. i never did anything to hurt her. i luved her. i would have been there for her good times and bad.

but she left me in the LURCH when i needed her the MOST.

no SHIT im insecure about women leaving me:

BECAUSE THEY LEAVE ME WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST!!!!!!!!!!

WHO WOULDNT BE INSECURE ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!??????

thats why i hate women who hate insecure guys. because if a PERSON is insecure about something…..THEY USUALLY HAVE A DAMN GOOD REASON FOR IT.

they have Abandonment Issues because their father abandoned them as a child.

they have abandonment issues because they had 5 husbands who left to go get a pack of cigarettes and never came back.

they have abandonment issues BECUASE THEY WERE ABANDONED!!!!

women2004 and 2005 i am 100% over, i really never KNEW them. we rushed through all the stages of a rel and none of it was real. it took me like 2 years to get over them which was too long, but i never really knew them. nothing real there. just a rushed-through simulation that left me hanging.

anyway That Person, i actually KNEW her, for YEARS, so that makes that hard. when you lose a good friend of years because they simply decide they dont want to respond to you ever again. its MIND BOGGLING. theres no way your mind and heart COULD be prepared for something SO UNNATURAL.

you dont throw your friends away like garbage.

well she would say thats what I did when i got feelings. well shes WRONG. i wanted to change the friendship, i was aware that things were changing, but….that didnt change the past and history and friendship we had. that was established. that was THERE. you just CANT swipe it away in one flush. she seems to think you can. i know that you cant. cuz when SHE tried to flush me away with one flush, well i felt pain for months and months. obsessive agonizing pain every day.

THAT is how a normal person feels when their friend is taken away from them.

i didnt REVOKE our friendship on the spot my getting feelings.

if anything, she TRIED to revoke our friendship on the spot by TMALAPOG and refusing to talk to me about it.

I was willing to reconcile. she was NOT willing to reconcile. therefore we had irreconcilable differences….all because of her.

she literally tried to revoke our friendship on the spot. I knew it couldnt be done. there were fooking ROOTS there, you cant just tear up years of roots without shitloads of pain.

also if she was feeling any pain, i would have liked to know it was painful for her. i wanted her to share this pain with me, let me know this was hard for her too. of course she denied me that too.

appreciate that i am a human being with feelings and had Deep Roots with you and you CANT just throw me away. acknowledge the pain.

and here i am like an idiot neet because i can deal with getting my heart broke, and she is over me and wants to get fooked by tyrone and chad and billy bob and dewayne.

i honestly think she is scared of being really LOVED by a man, and i had loved her more than any man ever had before, including her long term boifran, including her own FATHER, so…..that scared her away like the deer or rabbit that runs away from the slightest rustling.

and she was that scared deer. but she let me get close to her before she ran away. so when she ran away she left me completely heartbroken.

they make a MOCKERY of humanity and human relationships! who LIKES being RUSHED through a SIMULATION of relships, then discarded and replaced? no one SHOULD like this! They should say, this is ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING and an ABOMINATION to turn a beautiful human relationship into DEGENERATE SODOMY like this. and treat HUMAN BEINGS just as clumps of parasite cells that you abort willy nilly.

women2004 and 5 treated me better in the rejection…..but they still rushed through the Relationship Simulator in an Absolutely Disgusting Way; even if you are The Rejector and not the REjected, i cant imagine how its PLEASANT to go through Fake Phony Relationships like that repeatedly! are these women even human beings????!?!?!?!?!

every time i get close to a woman i get heartbroken and have to ask myself that fundamental question: is this even a human being, or some kind of of evil lizard? CRAB PEOPLE?

i dunno. in comparison to This Woman, Those Women treated me better in the dumping, although the actual rels themselves were much shittier. never had such a good rel end so badly.

its not theoretically a betrayal. see even i as the Conquered, have enough insight to see its not REALLY a BETRAYAL per se, while she goes off thinking i betrayed her, i abused her, i was weird to her, whatever the fook she thinks, which i will never know.

NOBODY likes to be abandoned. its a PRIMAL FEAR for EVERYONE. so if some bitch gives you a shit test, just be like, so YOU like being abandoned? didnt think so. EVERYONE has abandonment issues because abandonment is a BAD thing like cancer. what, you have cancer issues too baby? rape issues?

ABANDONMENT IS INHERENTLY BAD and NOBODY likes it.

now i understand that you can be in a rel, and be SO AFRAID that your BF/GF will leave you……that you push them away and they LEAVE you. because they cant do enough to so you can trust them.

but if they leave you without making an effort, and were clearly no invested in the rel…..then you couldnt trust them anyway!!!!

i mean when they dont give you ANYTHING to show they are invested. its not like she was doing a lot and i was STILL doubting her. She was doing NOTHING and I was saying yes I know we can work this out baby, we can do it! our friendship is strong enough to survive! lets just communicate!

i pushed her away with “weirdness” that was really just me WANTING TO HANG OUT WITH HER. WE NEVER FOOKING HUNG OUT ANY MORE. and when someone stops being WILLING to hang out with you, that rel is OVER.

i wasnt coming at her and accusing her of abandoning me. i was just saying please hang out with me, i miss hanging out wiht you.

so yeah i can understand people can get pushed away if you always suspect them of being about to abandon you.

but what if they are always distant to you and never want to hang out with you and dont show love to you and they DO abandon you?

and then you contact them and say please dont do it like this, please help me get a LITTLE more closure, please dont throw me away like a piece of garbage…..and in response, they BLOCK you!!!! basically reject your request to be treated like a human being. DAMN. youre just asking for a little respect, and they say FOOK NO to your request. what the hell do you do there. well you just try to forget the person and get over them, they obviously were not good for you hahahahaha.

but its fookin HARD. when you really LUV a person!

MEN ARE GOOD COMMUNICATORS, WOMEN ARE HORRIBLE COMMUNICATORS

0210

ok. the doc wants me to come in for damn office visit, and i said if it comes to that, then i will argue for a higher dose of citalopram. go from 20 to i dunno 40. i aint no doctor hahahaha.

but hopefully the doc approves and also that the increased dose miraculously transforms my lazy and shitty brain hahahahah and gives me the alpha confidence needed to get a 12 DAHJ hahahaha. thats not even enough to hang out with white people. i was eavesdropping on some successful whites younger than me that were judging someone for making 25k a year hahahahahahahahaha.

i luv white people and being white but my god they know how to cut a person down to size: you are unworthy because you only make 25k a year. wow. hehehehehe of course i have only made 25k a year or more in one year of my life hahahaha.

it was an ok feeling being a bigboy, but my mind was also a Train Wreck In Slow Motion because i cant handle Normal Emotional Stress than Normies Can. meaning i need to learn to Self Soothe better. not use drugs, or alcohol, or whatever. i have valiums that i can pop in an emergency hahahaha but i am saving those for on the job stress.

yeah its one thing when you have never hung out with a gurl and she gives you excuses over and over again for not hanging out. its a TOTALLY DIFFERENT thing when you used to be friends and USED to hang out regularly and easily, and then the hanging out stops for a damn long time, and you have to Just Accept that they dont want to hang out with you any more. well its hard to accept. for me, the issue needs to be confronted directly. i just cant hear “well hang out someday” and just ACCEPT that we will never hang out again because thats the hint, thats the signal i should be reading.

still i want dr phil and his female staffers to agree with me that its shitty to end a long term friendship that has become complicated, without even a message.

yep i cant imagine ever getting feelings for a woman again.

and if i do? i almost dont want to, because feelings are BAD and feelings HURT you so much you become a damn wreck and remind yourself of what a fookin crazy weak unfit non normie failure at life you are, you cant handle or deal with life and luv and feelings and rejection, you are defective and broken hahahaha.

theres no damn textbook for this! theres no classroom for this! but there should be! i mean these situations might not happen to EVERYONE but they probably happen to 25-50% of people and thats good enough to be written about and have Expert Opinions on!

so yeah thats what i want to make sure the world court knows. i wasnt some random beta orbiter who never hung out with her, who was begging for Babys First Hangout. I had hung out with her quite a bit over the previous couple years. then the hanging out stopped and i got frustrated.

and the hanging out, when it happened, was the result of a pretty much effortless Friendship where i didnt DO anything special. I just went with the Flow and didnt have to worry about making the right decisions and analyzing anything. now when i say effortless i dont mean that i didnt put anything IN.  like i didnt put in any “effort.” or i blew her off. we each gave and we each got. it was an equal exchange. we were on the same page. there was no overcompensation or overtrying or anything. it was very natural, smooth, easy, fun, good, no drama, no ridiculousness, no me scheming like an omega to try to get a hangout in her busy schedule once every 6 months, no trying to lead her to anything. we just made small talk very naturally and became friends very naturally and that was so rare for me and i was grateful to get along with a woman so easily.  so yeah of course it sucks to have that go SO WRONG.

google how do you convince your female friend you didnt betray them by getting feelings for them hahaha

google how to convince your gf that you are not abusing her when you are really not abusing her

i mean shit. dont YOU feel better when you are NOT hurting people?

thats what gets me about the easy way out argument. over the long term, i would just feel too damn guilty about hurting someone, and that guilt would push me to apologize to them eventually. just to try to get rid of the pain of my own damn guilt. how can you live with that?

how could you live with someone who could live with that hahahahaha.

how can you get along SO WELL….and then end up getting along SO SHITTY. wasnt all that good will and getting along….didnt that build some kind of foundation that couldnt be easily swept away?

heh. i used to be a leftist feminist because i believed women could be treated as Adults who could make decisions, do the right thing, be decent people, hahahaha. and i hate being proven wrong over and over again. that you HAVE to treat women like stupid children or else they will fook you over.

well w2012 was mature. she handled things very well.

but she was a Lesbian!

well i dont KNOW that for SURE. i just suspect it. if anything she was asexual.

so then i can disqualify her because shes not NORMAL. so if a woman treats me with respect………SHES NOT NORMAL.  if a woman rejects me in a grown up respectful way……..SHES NOT NORMAL. Normal women BTFO you and make you wish youd never been born hahahahaha.

i wasnt treated like SHIT!  I was treated exactly the way i deserved! i brought it on myself!

see these thoughts keep coming back.

i mean i can read signals but for important things, i dont rely on signals alone. i need to have the awkward talk.

SO i can apply that same standard to her! if SHE was about to make an important decision, ie, dump me, get out of rel……couldnt SHE have wanted to TALK about it to confirm the signals she was getting from ME? something like, your signals seem to say that you like me, is that accurate? then i would say errrrrrrrrrrrm yes, im sorry i didnt bring this up early but i was trying, but anyway im glad we are talking now thank you, but yes i do have feelings for you

ok all i needed to know, thanks for confirming. so now im gonna dump you.

maybe she was that confident that my signals said what was on my mind. so that she could just Take The Hint and Not Have To Talk about it.

heh. its just stupid how bad women are at communicating. worst communicators ever. they act like men are such bad communicators but men are THE BEST communicators, women are HORRIBLE at it. period.

no thats not true oh god it cant be true hahahahaha.

but if i just ACCEPTED that women are stupid children then i would be much more at peace with the world!

i dunno maybe. yet the shrink i see once every 3 weeks is a WOMAN and good lord the DOCTOR i am going to see tomorrow is a WOMAN. and i dont particularly distrust them to do jobs that take intelligence and skill and good judgment!

but im not in an Intimate Rel with them, or looking to be! maybe they are like stupid fooking children in their own intimate rels!

or they are married to Tough Alpha Men who dont take their fookin bullshit and say you better not act like a litle child or IM GONE.

well basically if someone is ANGRY at you but they REFUSE to talk to you…….uhhh then thats kinda the end of that. but yeah that makes me feel like i wasnt given a chance. not even talking about “give luv a chance.” no. i mean, give ME a chance to just be heard and be understood. not asking for luv. just asking for a Seat At The Discussion Table.

it would have been LESS complicated if we were actually dating ie fooking. because then it would have been easier to blame her, paint her as the bad guy, and say i REALLY didnt deserve this. but since we werent, the dr phil jury can say, well, she felt you betrayed the friendship when you got feelings, so shes just acting in accordance with that.

0211

heh. went to docker to extend rx for citalopram and also try to increase the dose. the whole appt was smooth and easy like a little angel. well apart from them unlocking the front door a little late after “LUNCH” and there being an arab man and wife with two small children (one baby) and speaking arabic hahahahaha. there was a white male medical assistant which i dont see those very much so good for him. then i was visited by a white male “extern” who i just assumed was a medical student? or maybe he passed his medical tests and was now doing a residency or internship at a hospital. even better. he was younger than me but there are full blown MDs who are younger than me now lololololol. but he was nice and he was white so even if he was a 101 iq white moron like me, i was happy.

i didnt even have to go in great detail about why i wanted an increase and give euphemisms for the emotional wreckage that is my stupid pain in the ass brain, doctor just said ok we can increase, see you in 6 months.

ANYWAY it was kinda weird they let people stand out in the cold for a good 3 minutes because it is like 18 degrees and really too cold to stand outside for 3 minuets hahahaha.

https://vimeo.com/153064589

the waifview, an alt right womens podcast, on this one they talk about ABORTION and they are not anti abortion enough for me hahahaha. they need a MAN to MANSPLAIN how their female bodies work and how Human Life Works.

i dunno i am not really interested in listening to Women Talk right now, i am so woman hating i will disagree with everythign any woman says, even an Alt Right Women. will not be anti abortion enough for me, anti slut enough for me.

as they say on the fatherland, i am letting the Perfect be the Enemy of the Good. meaning, you kinda throw out the baby with the bathwater. meaning, you get so perfectionistic that you will not accept anything less than 100% success, so you miss out and have opportunity costs when you coulda done pretty good otherwise, but pretty good isnt good enough for you, because you were holding out for perfect.

i dunno. its JUST RIDICULOUS that someone would think this is an acceptable way to End A Rel. Like, a Rel that had gone on for 3 years and had a lot of good in it. its just not a proper way to end a rel. youre supposed to show respect for the good times.

AYO HOL UP

thats what im trying to tell you DR PHIL.

not that i EXPECTED any LUV in return, but i DID expect that the relship would be ended in a more DIGNIFIED, RESPECTFUL way, more befitting a good and friendly and important long term rel. rather than try to pretend it never existed. because it damn sure DID exist. i just wanted her to tell me We Had Some Good Times. why do i need HER to tell me that? I know we did! well because i need to hear her say it, so i know its wasnt ALL IN MY MIND. but i KNOW it wasnt all in my mind. i felt that our peak was about sept 2013 thru sept 2014. approx.

i dunno. i guess i need to know it was important and good for her too.

ay hol up the 19 year old boy i gave compassionate advice to on his bitch gurlfran messaged me and said i was nice and he wanted to ask me some more questions. i did not reply hahahahahahah. well i dont have a 3 year relship with him. i mean she is gonna not give him a fair chance, and dump him, hes gonna be heartbroken, and thats all there is to it. just get with other young girls while u are in college man. bang some other young beautiful slut, try to forget the other young beautiful slut, theyre all the same, and they will never be this hot again hahahaha.

also i just hate the idea that the whole thing was in my head, becuase with other women, the whole thing was in my head. but here, the whole thing was NOT in my head in the sense that we had SOME sort of actual real life rel that she got something out of as well as me. even just to be liked as a friend is important. for a woman to show any loyalty and long term friendship with me is important. usually i am just some unimportant idiot whos around for a few months. and the way shit ended, she was acting like i was not important, and the rel was not important, and made it real easy to paint the whole rel with that horrible brush. i liked that she liked me in other words, and i dont like thinking that was a fake.

0212

i dunno. the decent thing to do would say, awwww, he still likes me, he is gonna be hurt, i dont want to hurt him too much, he doesnt deserve that. and NOT: he is a huge piece of shit and deserves all the pain he gets, i hope he suffers a LOT, hope he K’s himself because thats what a huge peice of shit he is! how can you TURN on somebody like that, and understand a situation SO wrong?

oh well at least i was approved for 40 mg citalopram, up from 20.

yesterday i was driving on the road that i usually took to muh job and i suddenly got a deep feeling of dread, like i was going in for 8+ hours of awful bullshit, answering a constantly ringing phone and wondering how i was gonna handle the ridiculous questions. drinking too much coffee and always having to p00p. putting up with female “friend” being a huge bitch. having to tell people i have no idea whats going on, i cant help you, i dont know, and i cant put you in touch with someone who can help you. you are just out of luck, there is nothing we can do. i dont think. sorry you dont think think i understand your issue. becuase i sort of do hahahahaha. i just dont understand why my higher ups refuse to try to fix it. probably because they think it will cost too much money. but i dont understand their line of reasoning there. I would love to have a higher up take a look at the case for 1 hour before they came to that conclusion. but they SHUT IT DOWN. im on your side buddy, i really went to bat for you against those higher up bastards hahahaha but they shut it down.

i cant even talk to the people who are advising me, you think YOU can talk to them? i am trying to get their attention in a chat room, like a piggie fighting for a tit. and hell no im not sure he understood your problem as i hurriedly tried to explain it in one sentence that quickly scrolled away in the chat room. cuz his explanation sure didnt make sense? however the issue didnt make sense to me to begin with, thats why i asked for help, so i was in no position to be able to evaluate if his RESPONSE made sense.

and this was our job, hour after hour, day after day. this is why i went home and STUDIED job stuff. this is why i came in early to read emails and memos and memorize flashcards. this is why i stayed late to HELP newer people.

the whole fookin thing was disgusting hahahaha. and when i got a “flashback” of it yesterday while driving on that road….i was glad i was done with that place hahaha.

i dont know what to do!!!!!

FIGURE IT OUT. that was essentially our job. and if you didnt figure it out right, welp, it would probably break again within 48 hours, they would call back, and now because it was a persistent issue, it could be escalated for someone “SMARTER” to look at and maybe come up with a better line of bullshit to explain it.

i dunno. i Empathized with the callers too much. I didnt like telling them things couldnt be fixed, and I understood how a simple explanation could go a long way: if you cant fix it, at least try to explain it to me. and when you couldnt even do THAT……extreme anger and frustration ensued. i thought how can our company get away with this?

because they werent REALLY serious problems. but i didnt understand how they werent serious problems.

heh. its kinda like you spend your life thinking youre smart, then take an iq test and discover you have a 101 iq. perfectly average. the job underminded muh confidence and taught me, ya know, im just not as smart as i think i am. i dunno the solution to your problem. i dont have anything i can say to know. i just dunno. sorry. youre calling me for help and to fix shit, and the best i can do for you is say I DUNNO.  i cant transfer you to someone more experienced because they wont approve it. because they are trying to limit the mobs of people trying to get answers from them. because SO MANY PEOPLE want answers, but SO FEW PEOPLE have them.

realistically, you shouldnt call tier 1 and expect anything close to an explanation. you should EXPECT someone who sounds untrained, who SOUNDS like they dont really know what theyre doing, like they are grasping at straws, and you should EXPECT that they wont be able to transfer you to someone “better” until theyve struggled with your issue for at least 30 minutes.

i dunno i guess all help desks arent THAT bad. all call centers arent THAT bad. all women arent THAT bad. but are they?

also i was thankful that the callers were mostly polite and understanding and nice. so is that the tradeoff you must make? for nice callers, you must accept impossible issues? fr easy issues, you must accept horrible callers?

how about you just get a question and answer it and you are confident that you actually did the right thing.

yeah but if you didnt, it would just break again the next day and then it would get escalated and a smarter person would find a better answer to it.

well i used to keep track of everything i got escalated so i could look at it later and see what was done. (this is just one Marker of Excellence which separated me from the Average Mediocrity of my female former friend, who had a very black, r-selected approach: just give shitty wrong answers, and not care about it.  rather than like me, obsess over The Truth and Finding The Right Answer, and getting frustrated and flustered over all that. just Accept The Shit, and stop being flustered over giving wrong answers. that was her solution. to someone who strives to be an Excellent White, that shit sounds black as hell to me. high time preference, unhelpful black mamma jamma trying to get this cracka off the phone as quickly as possible, give them the RUNAROUND, PASS THE BUCK.

i might only be 101 iq, but she was at LEAST 10 below me. like where you can tell there is a MARKED difference. she is SIGNIFICANTLY dumber than me. like 90 iq at best she was. hahahahhaa. but i didnt care. and i kinda liked being the smarter one. especially if she looked up to me and thought i was smart. that was a confidence builder for me too.

i am not looking for a damn intellectual equal hahahaha. also i am not nearly as smart as i thought i was anyway. i probably dont have the capacity to solve basic computer problems anyway hahahaha. i am ideally looking for someone a LITTLE dumber than me. someone who thinks IM smart. i used to LAMENT that women were so DUMB and WHY CANT i find an Intellectual Equal, well, a large part of this is Just What Women Are, and you gotta learn to ACCEPT it. and i did!

i just now refuse to accept that they have to be huge sluts with over 10 guys.

i dunno. i will just never understand why she got SO UPSET with me. well because i guess when you get feelings for a female friend, its the worst thing ever, makes you worse than a child molester hahaha.

oh yeah also i never stalked or harrassed her. i sent her 3 emails over 34 days. even 1 LONG email per 11 days is not TOO much.

i mean i WANTED to contact her EVERY DAY: PLEASE RESPOND to me, please acknowledge me, please show me you care about my feelings, please anything. but i didnt hahahahaha. because i was that serious about not STALKING. not that its STALKING to want somebody to Give You A Statement When They Dump You.

i just dont like that she got everything she wanted out of this and i got nothing hahahahaha. she got to get rid of me with no guilt, no effort. well who knows. maybe she DOES feel guilty. i HOPE she does!!!!!!!

https://bu.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/45cdkb/i_tried_29f_to_break_up_in_a_friendly_way_with_my/

see this gurl TRIED to break up with this guy in a nice way, but he made it impossible because he was a huge douchebag hahahahaha.

heh. last night took nyquil and went to bed at 730 pm, did not get out of bed until almost 4 pm the next day hahahahah. WOW. i didnt feel super sad or derpressed, just didnt want to get out of bed for 20 hours.

PLENTY of people WANT to stay in bed for 20 hours, but CANT because they have RESPONSIBILITIES!

0213

ok well basically i felt i meant more to that person, than for her to be able to TMALAPOG.  imho its HARD to do that to somebody unless you HATE them and never want to see them again. like your WIFE cheated on you with your BEST friend, over and over again, all your friends. and even then i would give them a note, like good riddance to you you piece of shit, rot in hell you piece of shit, i wish i never met you, may the rest of your shitty life be CURSED. something like that.

yeah its just mind blowing. trying to think how somebody could DO that. even if its “Easy way out” of avoiding confrontation. you can send a text and still avoid confrontation.

hehehehe. i am essentially the person who gets DUMPED via post it note, or fax, and then i turn it around on myself and say, wow, i must be a REAL piece of shit to deserve THIS!

when the joke is, it reflects very poorly on the person doing the dumping. makes them look like a jerk/coward. that is the intended reaction/punchline to the classic joke of “i was dumped via a post it note.”

i was dumped via a text.

shit i would have luved for the LUXURY of being dumped with a post it note or a text!!!

but yeah. the overwhelmingly appropriate reaction is, fook that coward, you deserve way better, dont waste a minute being upset about them!

heheheheh. i guess she needs to waste a few more years dating Jerks who dont treat her well, and i need to waste even more years being Alone hahahahahah.

hahahaha i have been nothing but alone and these women have been nothing but With Men, and I still know more about Relationships and Communication than THEY do. namely treat people the way you want to be treated. and how would YOU treat THEM if the situation was reversed? youd treat them a HELL of a lot better than they are treating you. they are not giving you a fair shake at all. theyre not putting ANY damn EFFORT it. they dont CARE, theyre not WILLING to do any work. they just want you to instantly be a less annoying person. damn.

oh i got dumped with a TEXT, i must have done something REALLY bad!

NO! you say DAMN what a JERK who dumped me with a TEXT!

and this was 9000000 times WORSE! i would have LOVED a text!

its like married at first site. all the couples are idiots and will probably fail because the women are all so stupid, and are always mad at the men for stupid reasons, and expect the men to read their stupid minds, while the men are desperately trying to communicate, saying please just communicate with me, dont run away from this! and the women run away from it and say UGH i need SPACE to PROCESS this, meanwhile the man is frustrated and has no idea what is going on. becuase the WOMAN is not WILLING to communicate. its so stupid to see.

there is david and ashley and she accuses him of texting another woman to “go out for drinks” when really it was just a huge misunderstanding happening at a pretty bad timing. then she hits him with this. he tries to explain it but she is not willing to listen to his side of the story. really all it is is an unfortunate misunderstanding, its not what it looks like.

anyway she is COMPLETELY UNWILLING to listen to his side of the story. ironically enough he was trying to Reach Out to one of Her Facebook Friends so he could learn more about Her and how to Treat Her Better, because she was a horrible communicator and wouldnt talk to him ever. turns out the woman he picked was just as stupid as his wife, and the woman tattled to the wife ummmm yr husband is like trying trying to go out with me for drinks just thought you should know.

now he gave her no indication that he was looking to cheat, but they have had constant misunderstandings and  miscommuncations because she stubbornly refuses to listen to him or communicate with him and he is udnerstandably getting very frustrated, and always having to give her space, etc. anyway this one doesnt look like it will last, and it will be all her fault, cuz she is not willing to put in any effort at all.

oh well i dont HAVE to put in any effort, becuase this rel is all in your head. see, you luv ME, but i dont luv YOU, therefore, i dont have to do anything for you. i can just throw you away LAPOG.

NOPE! doesnt matter if you dont have feelings. if you have any sort of friendship, you always owe it to your friend, even IF you are having troubles, to never TTALAPOG. Period.

wow, so many shitlibs and women and leftists and cucks and beeta leftists and phaggots and gun haters and swpls and self loathing whites, and j00s and babykillers and blacks all on twitter making very tasteless remarks after the sudden death of justice scalia. i knew he was hated by shitlib traitors but i guess i forgot by how much. really tasteless and classless these phaggots spitting on his grave like this!

but this is kinda a HUGE deal cuz the scotus is ridiculously powerful and scalia was prob one of the good guys

and these privileged self hating whites really hated him like he was hitler or something hahaha saying they are gonna celebrate his death by having all sorts of gay sodomy and abortions and shit, god damn disgusting degenerates!

i was gonna say you dont need to be religious at all to believe many if not most things religious people do.  you can use non religious arguments against abortion, casual sex, pornography, cheating, open relships, all those degen shit that women like to do. you can be a fedora atheist and still be very against those things. in fact i think its kinda MORALLY WEAK to NEED the idea of religion/god to CONVINCE you that those things are immoral. you should be against them because they are obviously wrong on the surface. they hurt other people and do harm to your fellow man. they corrode the soul.

you dont need to be relgious to find these things horribly immoral: casual sex. pronography. abortion. cheating. open rels. its not just about having fun and feeling good. its about having no damn respect for human life, and breaking peoples hearts willy nilly. it sucks!

so yall disgusting degens can go celebrate by doing SODOMY hahahaha. sodomitic secs. damn i should bring that word back. basically meaning any kind of secs done by a degenerate. even PIV secs. if its outside of a monog rel, its SODOMY.

0214

had interesting dream where i heard of a casual sex (swingers?) party and this gurl i liked would be there. thankfully That Woman had nothing to do with this dream. the gurl was this Bad Gurl i liked in 7th and 8th grade, one of the first gurls i ever liked. i would still bang her today if she looked good. i looked at her on facebook like 2 or 3 years ago and she didnt seem to have any kids and looked good enough.

anyway there were lots of black guys at the party and the implication was, if she was not gonna be having casual sex with ME, she would be having casual sex with THEM, and i figured, better me than them, women have no idea how to protect their race. and then we started having casual sex and i found it very profound and meaningful and started developing a connection to her, when it was impossible to say whether she was getting any loyalty to ME.

but yeah just a naked body of an attractive woman up on me, banging them, making out with them, felt good, even if it was a casual sex party and she would have done the same with tons of black guys if i had not shown up.

essentially just a degen sodomite sex party for straights, kinda like the gays have promiscuous standard fook parties and such, only here you have women defiling themselves as well, just passing themselves around for pleasure and sodmy hahahahha.

and then i thought, well if i ever had secs with That Woman, i would fall in love with her even WORSE. yet she goes out and fooks all sorts of creepy sleazy guys and feels nothing, or gets over them very quickly, because the secs means nothing to her, its just a thing that is fun sometimes, youre not offering something special, such as your uterus’s power to make children.

how about a little loyalty, that you are not gonna just Use Me For Secs then Throw Me Away. jeez. sounds like what the worst Cad Men do to women!

women have turned into sleazy Cad Players!

it takes a lot of White Privilege to not say that Scalia was a Monster Who Was Worse Than Hitler hahahaha. if you merely call him a Respected And COntroversial Jurist, you are part of the problem, not part of the solution hahahaha. hiding behind your white privilege to punch down at the oppressed classes which Your Kind has Oppressed for Centuries.

dont treat people like MEAT, dont treat people like GARBAGE. when in doubt, use kindness and tenderness and mercy when brutally using a meat cleaver to end a longterm rel hahahaha.

this is not how you end a longterm rel!

and yet its ok for her to go out and have secs with random sleazebags and show them more loyalty and kindness because its her body, she can do what she wants.

well i cant control the DISGUSTING, IMMORAL degenerate sodomy and murder she does with her body, but I do get to say its horrible and immoral and wrong and degenerate.

and i hate other people getting a chance when i never got a chance. im not REALLY talking about luv and secs, i am basically talking about a chance to be treated like anything other than shit. be kind and loyal and giving and loving to some shitty guy, maybe some black guy youre having casual sex with, and be more kind and loyal and loving to him than a person youve known for 3 years.

basically women disposing of secs partners, of lovers, of friends, of BF’s, of babies, just they way they go through PEOPLE like a MEAT GRINDER is fooking HORRIFYING to me. go through the stages of a relship unnaturally fast, skip entire parts (like the ending), throw you away, lose interest quickly. they dont have the decency to treat you with kindness. they kill they own children, they cheat and lie  and live lies and dont even know how to feel guilt any more hahahaha. they are 900000000000 times bigger MONSTERS than scalia hahahahahaha.

or i should say how the left views scalia.

i just hate how women view secs as such a casual unimportant thing, and i always get nervous and view it as a veyr important thing. but they just give it away like candy. to everyone but me hahahaha.

just dat image of a young womans pale white body glued to yours as you bury your D in her, making out with her, her sighing and moaning and getting aroused. its super intense. how can they not see how intense it is? naked sweaty flesh on flesh. good lord. and with somebody you have feelings for. and there there are right up on you, wrapping legs around you, you staring into their eyes and being closer to them than you have been with a person in 10 years………OR this is just like a casual handshake that you do with lots of people, you’ll get over the novelty and intensity of this very quickly and be looking for new people to do it with.

this is very important to you, and not very important to them at all, it will take you forever to forget this, they will have forgotten it almost immediately and looking for a new guy to take your place.

heh. this is why i put special emphasis on find women i could TRUST, finding women who had not been with LOTS of guys. and i still get treated like garbage hahaha.

heh. everything i learned from previous “relships” did not really come in handy because here, the shit just hit the fan and was over before i knew it. so now i can say, welp, if the woman is AVOIDING me for more than 3 months, then just write an email; and take into account the closeness of our rel.

but yeah on this super cold valentines gay i just want her white body pressed against mine hahahaha.

hahaha this is ridiculous. quake was a big gaym in my high school days and is still full of nostalgia.

jeez. all i want is her back in my life, being friendly to me, then we become more than friends, and have luving secs till the end of time.

when you have secs with someone you love its like a completely different thing. but Women wouldnt know that now would they hahahaha.

i would just tell her: i didnt want you to fall in luv with me. that would have been NICE but all i wanted to just deal with the situation like adults and not end up devastated with the worst ending possible. just reject me nicely and we can get on with our lives.

0215

see i dont even know whats normal and whats not. i have my ridic ideas about whats moral and whats not. but what if its normal and right and just and natural to just dump people LAPOG.

heh. or better yet, to be a pathetic guy THINKING you were thrown away LAPOG but you were just rejected like normal, rejected in a probably decent polite way…..but you just feel snubbed and rejected becuase you were  Ya Know, Rejected, and you’re emotionally compromised and it doesnt register that she did a pretty good job of rejecting you. because now shes DONE with you and you see her getting more Worked Up over new random guys than she ever got over you!

in 2 months she is going CRAZY over some other guy and has totally forgotten you, and you are like, welp she’ll come around. she just doesnt know she luvs me yet hahahahah.

ANYWAY i can GUARANTEE you that i was ACTUALLY TALAPOG. and that she made no effort whatsoever hahaha. at least acknowledge that you were an important person to me. i realize i wasnt important to you AT ALL hahahaha.

yeah but i was. for a time she was nicer to me than any woman had ever been. even if we were not Lovers, there was a Closeness in the Friendship that made it seem more important than a Casual Acquaintanceship. made it seem like a Close Top Tier Friendship, rather than a short lived, not very important friendship. dont lie to yourSELF. you know i was an important person to you!!!!!

basically it was confidence building to know that I Mattered To A Woman, I wasnt some kind of forgettable nobody nothing, that I was important to her and meant something to her and was a big deal in her life and she would have stood up for me and defended me and been loyal to me. but when it ended, i was just as unimportant to her as some random nobody. feels bad man.  just because she was so immature she felt that me getting feelings for her was some kind of Deep Betrayal like Cheating. unbelievable.

but yeah then you doubt, were the good times ever really that good? were we EVER REALLY that close? was this whole thing only in my mind? is this normal?

yeah i guess i just dont like her saying that i meant nothing to her when i am pretty sure i DID mean something to her. i dont appreciate that dishonesty one bit. yeah things can CHANGE and people can have a falling out, but dont DENY THE PAST. esp when there was a lot of good in the past.

so, she is gonna deny the past, and there is nothing i can do about that. its just painful when its more than jsut the past, its ME. she’s denying I had any importance in her life, when i did. when i particularly like being important to women, and particularly dislike being a forgettable nobody that they dispose of and replace quickly and efficiently.

hhahahahaha im not that lame and unlikable. i used to have friends that liked me quite a bit. im still that same person deep down hahahaha. i made an impact on their lives. i just never made an impact on any womans life hahahaha. random guys they had casual secs with had a bigger impact on them than i did hahahaha.

5 minutes with an alpha means more to them than 10 YEARS with a beta hahahaha. and i am actually lesser than a beta.

its kinda like when peter betrayed Ever Knowing Jesus. basically a person denying your existence, saying they never knew you, never met you, were never friends with you, you were nothing to them.  YOU are being denied.

i wish i had moar pictures of me and her, well specifically that SHE had the pictures and would come across them one day and be like yeah i DID know him, i cant DENY that.

what about the little things i gave her, like a mix cd or this other thing i gave her. did she throw them away? bury them in a box and forget about them? the worst would be if they were just sitting out and she looks at them and doesnt even THINK of me. like OH. just some guy i used to know. i dont even remember if i fooked him. oh no. we were just friends for 3 years and he was a good friend but then he betrayed me by getting feelings for me so i cut him loose like he deserved. good riddance. it was pathetic seeing him beg at the end like a pathetic pussy. i need a real man. like tyrone who knocked me up and abandoned me with a bastard baby. oh i wish he would come back to me hahahaha.

yeah i just thought i meant/mattered more to her than that. and i probably did. but she will NEVER admit it.

or i just really DIDNT.

im not even sure which is worse! probably the second. where shes not denying anything. i just really mean nothing to her.

THEN. i meant nothing to her THEN. hahahaha.

i need to get back to the old gym, its been a fookin eternity. i am losing weight though, because i am not eating anything hahahahaha. but i NEED to go to the gym just to damn MOVE. try to do that tonight.

yeah well it doesnt matter if you feel anything NOW. realize that the other person still feels something and just try to do the NICE, DECENT, COURTEOUS thing, how YOU would like to be treated in that situation. simplest, easiest test in the world, for how to be a good person and do the right thing. treat them like you want to be treated. golden fookin rule.

look i wont have many regrets when it comes to things i should have done, ie i wish i had been kinder and nicer and more open to her. i really couldnt have! but she could have been a HELL of a lot nicer to me. she really dropped the ball.

yeah yeah i could have blurted earlier, done something EARLIER. yeah ok i have some regerts about that hahaha. but in terms of, wow, i was a REAL FOOKIN PIECE OF SHIT ASSHOLE TO HER and I wish i had been nicer. ? NO. none of that. i tried to be decent and willing and cooperate and kind and gentle and patient and giving.

if anything she will be haunted by thoughts of WOW i was really unfair and mean to HIM. hahahaha then she can come apologize to me and we can live happily ever after because i wont have found a better woman by then hahahaha.

you can tell when a woman is WILLING. she will Bend Over Backwards to Please her man, even if the man is being an asshole. she wont walk out the door. she wont shut down. she will be willing to talk. she will be willing to work things out. lets get through this together hunny. she will be willing to hang out. shell be willing to respond to texts and emails. she will want to talk about serious things liek the state of the rel, because she desperately wants to keep the rel going. when she fights and argues and shit tests you, she gives you CHANCE after CHANCE, rather than walking out and giving up on you after no chances. she is willing to fight and work for your luv and for the health of the rel. she is willng to stand by you when the going gets tough. true loyalty. i demand nothing less from my 3d white waifu hahahahaha.

someone who is not on the fence, but on my damn side. not willing to give up. but willing to roll up the sleeves and FIGHT for something important to them. ie me. i am important to them and worth fighting for. that would be fookin noice. very toight.

she was SO not willing to fight. if she were willing to fight…..i would have FELT it. she would have let me know. there wouldnt have been any doubt. she would have been in my face fighting for it, letting me KNOW she was fighting for it. hehehe. she was in actuality the antithesis of fighting for it. she just wanted it to go away and die forever, maybe a little abortion to help flush it out and dispose of it.

OBVIOUSLY you cannot BE with somebody who FEELS this way abotu your Mutual Relationship.

anyway yeah i ADMIT, thats a lot to ASK of somebody, that is a pretty BIG expectation / responsibility. so you simply say, i respectfully decline that responsibility. i cant handle it. its too much for me. we had a good run but now i have to get off. sorry. have a good life. we had some good times together. but im not willing to really fight for this.

that would have been a mature and acceptable thing to say. rather than im gonna get mad at you and never talk to you again.

cant keep your cool in person? write me an email. write me a LETTER. i dont care.

its like ending your membership at planet fatness hahahaha. send me a certified letter. then you know i got it.

come on. we would get each other crimmus presents. she told me things she had never told another person. it wasnt all in my fookin head.

i hate that excuse, it was all in my head, so she didnt owe me anything. well at one point it was an actual living breathing real life rel that was not in my head, and we both had rights and responsibilities, freely given to each other. she trusted me and liked me enough to tell me things she had never told anybody. i appreciated the trust and never betrayed it. to my knowledge hahahahahahahahahahah. i gave her moral support during her tough times. maybe i feel betrayed that SHE did not give ME moral support during MY tough times. sure.

hehehehe. i was there for her, she wasnt there for ME hahahaha.

thats not technically betrayal, but it does hurt and is just some one sided shit.

this is taking so long to get over because she wasnt jsut some random girl. we were close. for years. that means something motherfooker. maybe not to her, but def to me.

well i gave up my right to moral support from her when i got feelings for her. plus i had already taken a lot of moral support from her by being needy at job.

yeah well how about talking about these things with me, rather than leaving me to figure it all out by myself. when i CANT. its literally impossible. not saying that as a slight against muh average 101 iq; but rather it phsyically takes two people sharing and working together to get answers on this. there are too many unknowns that i would need her to answer. questions i have for her, that she is not willing to answer. shit i would have answered any question she asked me. yes of course i said that in the emails hahaha. ask me ANYTHING. PLEASE.

hahahahah well at least i know that she is NOT willing to Date Me hahahahah. that is no longer an unknown. i mean the silence does answer SOME questions. other questions the silence does not answer. will never answer.

im just like, how did she get THIS important to me? its like i didnt even realize how MUCH she meant to me until it was all over.

well thats not 100% true. i was certainly waking up to it. yeah i think i was as aware as i could have ever been.

i just never expected the ending would be SO devastating. well i also didnt expect it to GO as badly as it did. ok i really gotta go to fatclub.

 

 

INSULT TO INJURY / IF U HAVE TO ASK FOR RESPECT, YR DONE / NO SUCH THING AS A FEMALE NEET

0205

shit. definitely have some sort of cold or flu. warm and feverish; occasional cold sweats; feeling of being run over by a truck or a Piece of Garbage hhahaha. mind was RACING last night until 4 am, took some nyquil around 2 am. took more nyquil at 12 pm then went back to bed, avoiding coffee. think i drank too much coffee yesterday. weak wobbly legs. burning eyes. dont even have the energy to look at the internet. yet i said i would meet up with a friend, becuase it seems the right thing to do, plus i am horrible about initiating contact with him. hes no angel though, i have my reasons, namely him having a ridiculous, super disappointing Drinking Problem that will totally ruin his life, marriage, family, friends, relships. but i am too pussy to give him an ultimatum because i dont like ignoring and avoiding people when they reach out to me, or especially i dont want to TTALAPOG. there has been good times and bad times and you just dont do that to people youve known for almost 20 years. they can disappoint you sure, but you arent gonna TTALAPOG unless they SEVERELY BETRAY you, and you cant even imagine what that would entail. bang your gf hahahaha. ive never had a gf he could bang plus he respects me enough to never do that and god forbid i even get a gf that would cheat on me with my long time friends!

i was watching dr phil. he had a lot of great shit to say. i pretty much luv dr phil even if his show is Slippery Schlomo’s Lies. using a Big Goy 4 U as its handsome face.

today they had a white trash mother who had 5 children by 5 different men. WHATS WRONG WITH THAT? AS LONG AS IT WAS CONSENSUAL! SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS WITHOUT JUDGMENT!!!! the mothers mother was taking care of these neglected kids and it was a train wreck. i dont know know if all the children are white, but the 11 year old boy they talked to had a white arm hahahaha.  and it was tragic!!!! total white trash mother!

and another episode about Controlling Husbands. one guy had some good points about about the show selectively showing a doctored picture of their home. hmm standing up to schlomo i said, not bad goy. BUT within minutes it became clear he was Unhinged and was HIGHLY neurotic and not normal. paranoid, obsessive, compulsive, high tension, suspicious, on the edge, very keyed up and anxious and hyper, like he was having a nervous breakdown. i know that feel hahahaha. he tried to reduce his internal anxiety by controlling his wife, but it didnt work. he had to learn to SELF SOOTHE. similar story with the other husband on the show. he was CLEARLY anxious and derpressed about being out of work for YEARS on injury, so he tried to fix his anxiety by controlling his wife.

i thought, WOW, these women PUT UP WITH A LOT. I would have been DUMPED in a NEW YORK SECOND acting like that, not put up with it for YEARS. NOW, these were postwall women in their 40s, certainly not beautiful or anything, but still. they deserve respect too hahahahaha.

WILL YOU TRY THIS POGAM FOR 90 DAYS? dr phil says. and they get so hopeful and jiggle their Bingo Wings when the man says ok yeah i guess if its the only way to keep her from walking.

i was like SHIT. if i asked a woman to do a 90 day program to work on our rel, she would say fook you, 90 days, tahts way too much, thats 3 months! I could find 10 guys that are better than you in every way in that time! See ya!

in other words, these wives were very WILLING and LOVING and LOYAL to STAND BY their men during very bad times. and to fix problems that were 10 times worse than the problems Me and Her had.

also: what IF she is the type of gurl who thinks EVERYTHING IS ABUSE? some people thing everything is abuse, when its really not, its just normal pain or angst or conflict or struggle. its not abuse.

and then if the woman is really comitted to the man, she will stay with him even IF there is REAL abuse!

anyway….do i want to be with a woman who FALSELY ACCUSES me of ABUSE? she’s the type of crazy b who might do a FALSE RAEP ACCUSATION and ruin a mans life with a LIE!!!!! now THATS a horrible betrayal!

how many nervous breakdowns does a person have in their life hahahaha. how often shoud you have them.  i had one in 2001 and then again in 2015.

since then i had quit a lot of bad habits that led to my first “breakdown,” namely alcohol and MJ. but i am still lazy and anxious.

very hard to be PRODUCTIVE.

its like i cant even HANDLE a REgualr BIg boy job, it puts me on the verge of a nervous breakdown and then i have it, and the job and or the rel does not last hahaha.

i am CERTAIN that smoking a LOT of mj before age 25 make me a generally more anxious and despairing person. heavy MJ use increases anxierty AND despair even after you quit. it probably even changes you damn brain permanantly for the worse in those ways.

yet i thougt i knew it all, i believed the degeneracy that said the Herbal Joo is just Mind Expanding MEDICINE to help you RELAX and CHILL OUT.  so why do you get high anxiety and dread and guilt when you partake? then why are you more anxious afterwards, when its out of your system?

i ALWAYS had high anxiety and guilt and shame so its hard to say if i got worse.

also u

0206

one of russell crowes great grandmothers is maori. this makes russell crowe an OCTAROON!!!!! he is essentially 12.5% BLACK!  welp i never would have guessed. lesson: you can be “only” 87.5% white and basically be as good as 100% white in my book hahaha.

this is all because i am watching a beautiful mind on tv which is a decent movie and russell crowe is a decent actor.

heh. i would rather have paranoid schizo and be a successful respected phd mathematician, than have basic bitch anxiety, despair, and maybe one day bipolar, and be a huge frickin loser hahahaha. i mean he just got obsessed and got so good at superhard maths that that was his ticket to success. and top skools and gummint agencies came looking for him to give him well paid work. so he saw a few hallucinations. big deal. small price to pay. and an attractive white wife. though i dont trust that whore jennifer connelly hahahahaha. think she ever cheated on a bf or husbando?

and here i am confusing fiction with reality hahahaha. degenerate actors playing highly fictionalized versions of real people who are probably not as degenerate and certainly not nearly as good-looking.

Why Good People Ghost: The Rise Of A Dishonest Dating Culture

this person is a degenerate even as they start to recognize the degeneracy in the “current dating culture.” i guess its not bad enough to keep them from having Casual Sex with multiple people at the same time, just cuz thats NORMAL now.

heh. i couldnt sleep and thought my best hope would be maybe when i am 40 i could find like a 34 year old single mom with 2 kids already and then i might be able to convince her to have a child with me. but having two children with her would be rough. but her preexisting kids would not respect me and then they would prob also bully My child because its not their full sibling and its part of me, who they dont like. and if im not strong enough to overcome those influences, then my child will grow up to be a white trash loser. either a drug addict scumbag, or a neet virgin unable to mate with white girls.

yeah i dont like the word “ghosting.” there is the implication that you are “dating”, and only for a short time, and also that everything SEEMS to be going well.

here we were friends, for a long time, and it was clear things werent going well, and she just avoided and ignored and did silent treatment and no respond. “ghosting” doesnt quite describe it fully.

i hate when you cant pass a caller onto someone more knowledgable, so you have to essentially figure their shit out ON THE SPOT. in the space of several minutes, you have to go from not knowing to knowing, and explain it to them.

or lets say you have angry clients who are demanding a discount because you got the order wrong, or late, or damaged. then you say sorry about that, well get a replacement out in 30 to 60 days, no discounts, sorry, and you can get away with that because you are kind of a monopoly. you know your clients arent gonna find some other company who can do it for cheaper in a …… 3 state radius i dunno.

or they WANT an explanation but you cant give them an explanation because an explanation is really SUPERFLUOUS. they dont really NEED it, plus it costs MONEY to come up with one, so, its better for the company to not give an explanation.

i just hate looking stupid and unprofessional and then get angry at the company for saying this is ok.

nope i cant transfer you to a higher up. I cant even talk to the higher ups!

no one has time to confirm if youre doing your job right, only that youre meeting whatever stupid quality metrics. but as far as doing the actual technical procedures correctly….that is NOT measured. it would be impossible to measure other than having a higher up sit with you for at leat 8 hours and watch all the technical stuff you do. and its LAUGHABLE to suggest that a higher up should do this. they all have their OWN case loads, the stuff tier 1 couldnt figure out. they dont have TIME to TRAIN tier 1!!!!! NOBODY has time to train tier 1!!!!!!

i like to take pride in my work, and not Pass The Buck like a black, or try to Scam like a Schlomo. I want to treat people honestly and fairly and give them Good Service.

now when i say pass the buck, i mean transfering them before youve even attempted to solve the problem. However I think if you’ve been bashing your brains out for an hour trying to solve the problem and its clear that youre just doing trial and error, then you should be able to transfer it to someone else.

its like going to a math tutor for calculus 4, but that tutor has never taken calculus 4, let alone passed it with an A or a B. YOU have taken more calculus 4 than your tutor. So the tutor breaks out the same textbook you have, says WELP lets look at the old manual, then maybe checks a few OTHER textbooks, then checks google, and says WELP a lot, then finally WELP i THINK i might have gotten it, then gives you an answer that might be wrong, but neither he nor you can PROVE its wrong, then a week later you get your homework back and the instructor has put a big X on it, indicating that its wrong, but no indication WHY, so then you have to go back to the same stupid tutor again.

or when 3 or more departments bounce you back and forth because “we dont handle that, this other department does”………and some of the people who say that are correct….but at least one person is bullshitting. yes, your department DOES handle it. but they are too untrained or they dont have a knowledgable person available to ask, “hey does our department handle this?” so the fookin new guy just “errs on the side of caution” to get the person off the phone. becuase HE cant get better advice from anyone in HIS area.

i hate this kind of shit. its like the lunatics running the asylum. or a bunch of black warlords making up the rules as they go along. you see this kind of CHAOS and you wonder how the company can stay in business WITHOUT scamming people!!!!!!!!

no accountability. that kind of stuff bothers me. i dont mind being held accountable for my work as long as i can get reliable answers from my higher ups. tell me WHY this is happening so i can have an EXPLANATION for them. give me some kind of ETA, even a rough ESTIMATE.

or lets say you are at home depot and theres a tornado. some of the employees tell the customers to stand in the middle of the store. other employees try to corral the customers into like a warehouse or soemthing. other employees scream run outside! get out of the building as fast as you can!

and whats amazingly clear is that these employees have not been trained on tornado procedures.

shit like that just looks really really bad imho!

but at least now i understand WHY it happens. because its a COST.

maybe the training was reduced to a computer module or a something the employee has to sign off on. but because they are pressured to do the training module after they punch out, they go through it as fast as possible, click click click click without reading it, because theyre not getting paid for this, and they want to get home and smoke MJ hahahaha or work on their masters degree or pick their kids up from indoctrination and shove some macdonalds in their face.

so you have to be good at bullshitting and nobody teaches you how to bullshit, there are not even good articles on the INTERNET teaching you how to bullshit. its like its some kinda big SECRET.

i would say its about telling pretty lies, but lies you cant get caught it, and always trying to cover your ass, and telling them what they want to hear, but not making promises, while trying to keep their hopes up, and when in doubt, throw your higher ups under the bus (“i really went to bat for you sir, but those bastards higher up the food chain just arent gonna play ball, it is what it is”) AND realize what you can and cannot get away with, what corners you can and cannot cut.

SEE? this is fooking HORRIBLE! as an honest white person, i just want to do an honest job and not have to bullshit and cut corners, but also not look stupid or unprofessional. damn.

like shouldnt you acting like an untrained idiot reflect poorly on YOUR manager? yes it SHOULD, but it DOESNT if nobody can get AHOLD of your manager! that you would get WRITTEN UP if you gave your managers phone number to someone! shit you dont even know how to transer a caller to your managers VOICE MAIL, and neither do any of the people around you. so you just freak out and transfer the caller to the main line, and hope you dont get them again when your call ends.

and you yourself learned to be unaccountable because…..no one was accountable to you, they werent accountable for their work, why should YOU be accountable for your work? especially if you dont really know what youre doing? you can always claim ignorance! because everyone was ignorant in some ways!

basically you just DO shit until you got in trouble for it, then said oh im sorry i didnt know that was a thing. i dont do it again!

so yeah it should reflect poorly on your manager…….if your clients/customers could ever talk to your manager! managers dont have to take calls because THEY DONT WANT TO! you can tell the person whos complaining about you, that you will pass along their complaint to a manager, who will call them back if they want, but no promises.

WRONG ANSWER. i demand to speak to a manager.

really the best think you CAN do is change your voice and pretend to be a manager, or have your neighbor do it, but they probably wont have time.

0207

it was difficult to get used to the work but even more difficult to get used to the NATURE of the work. namely, an Inbound Tier 1 Call Center where you didnt have much freedom or autonomy to call someone back; you couldnt Have Someone Else call Them Back with an answer; you didnt have an Explanation or an Estimated Time for anything; you seemed poorly prepared because you WERE poorly prepared, unless you were crazy obsessed like me and went home after a long stupid day and went right back into the shit and STUDIED it on your free time!

come home, eat dinner, get blazed on the herbal j00, listen to some Bach or Beethoven or Religious Chanting, get on to company intranet and read your case notes and knowledge base and work email and shit. damn.

i liked being able to immerse myself in the stuff in a peaceful environment, with no phones ringing and nobody demanding answers now, and i could just study and understand and practice shit, and yeah i think the herbal j00 was helpful there in “defragmenting” my mind after a long day. though maybe it wasnt NECESSARY. but at that point i really enjoyed it and had no desire to stahp. i looked forward to it at the end of a tuff day. if i couldnt be with muh female friend and cuddle with her and yes i would secs her up as well, cuz theres nothing women hate more than a pussy sensitive man who likes cuddling but is nervous about fooking. so i would just get blazed and occasionally text her and she would text back and i would get my fix that way.

so its her fault for giving me my fix?

NO….but it did give me false hope that we would Hang Out Someday. Because Friendly Texting implies that Yes, We Will Hang Out Again Someday, not I Am Going To TUALAPOG / Abort / BTFO you.

in other words, she could have started avoiding/ignoring/blocking me THEN!! instead of responding to texts.

i dunno. you dont have to like someone back, to care about them and their lives, especially when you used to have a long term friendship. you used to be important to them and now you are not important at ALL. still i dont think thats a REASON to throw anyone away LAPOG. you say, welp i have lost interest in them, but they are still a decent human being, and we once had a good friendship, so, it would be WRONG to TTALAPOG, so im just gonna talk to them and tell them im done lol.

but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. hahahahaha.

anyway. basically if someone wants an explanation and your higher ups dont have one and you cant figure it out, just tell them, im sorry, but there just is no explanation for this. and if they continue to push, tell them you’ll look into it and contact then yourself within 72 hours. and then go home and reserach the issue during your free time and email them then. or just blow them off and hope they forget it hahahahaha.

http://archive.is/3xQbc

they have a PERFECT relship except for the SECS, he has a bad habit of losing his Erection, and he is afraid she will dump him because he’s not improving quickly enough, even though their rel is prefect in every other way. just that hes not improving FAST enough for her liking. he knows if she dumps him he will be devastated, and i fully believe him! not really any good responses so far. i am tempted to say: if this is such a good rel, she would GIVE YOU A CHANCE.

like it should take 90 days to notice any kind of change but theyve only been “Dating” a “Few WEEKS.” and this slut is annoyed the SECS isnt as nonawkward as she thinks it should be. after a few weeks. and shes 18 and has been with a lot of guys. do you think she is gonna give him a chance for 90 days? fook no, she’s gonna dump him, and he’s gonna be devastated. he is already worried that the emotional devastation will affect his school performance. and yes it probably will. and this will then affect his career for the rest of his LIFE hahahahaha. he will get a worse GPA, not be able to get certain jobs, not be able to go to certain grad skools. fook no a 19 year old young man is not ready for this, i dont think you CAN be at that age.

this is why women should not go to college hahahaha. honestly they shouldnt hahahaha. they just become sluts anyway.  like this gurl. 18 years old and already ruined for life. and this young mans risking his entire life on a fickle, impatient 18 year old slut. what a shame.

heh i actually replied on reddit. my first reply hahahahahaha.

basically i told him she needs to be more understanding and give him time and not hang the threat of dumping him over his head. like THATS gonna help him perform better. plus this is the FIRST gurl he has ever been with. he is just getting used to secs. come on. give the guy a CHANCE. and if they are so GOOD, they will be able to communicate about this and work through it, rather than her saying “fix yourself FAST.” i said, how would YOU treat HER if SHE was the one with the secsual problem? you would prob bend over backwards to support her. is she doing that for you?

would you treat her like she is treating you now? prob NOT!

would I treat my female former friend the way she treated me? ABSOLUTELY NOT. OH GOD. I WOULD NEVER TREAT SOMEBODY LIKE THAT. TTALAPOG. NEVER.

oh noes, the TRS forum has been SHOAHED because of the troll raids on kristen howerton on twitter, the swpl therapist mommy blogger who brags about her two adopted black boys and has Creepy Suggestive pictures of them with her White Biological Daughters. and the husband is of course a family therapist and very cucky. so some TRS people and i assume general twitter shitlords jumped on and tried to shame the woman. there was a big trs thread which probably should have been not public hahahaha.  kind of suprising a mod did not move the thread to the private section, but the mods work and have lives, unlike the neets like me who read the forum all day.

i certainly did not TWEET anything, but i did like a bunch of posts in the trs thread hahahaha. maybe i will get banned from the forum.

i didnt think the harrassment was too bad, considering she was putting all these pictures out there publicly. and the trolls were just photoshopping in buckets of kfc or that sort of thing hahahaha.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/02/05/when-a-public-family-is-publicly-attacked/?_r=0

wow the ny slimes actually had an article about it. whoa

https://archive.is/cjZDH

interview with a 58 year old virgin

https://archive.is/Z8cr9

ridiculous 8ch thread on male virgins wow how long can it get

http://archive.is/wlDVg

make women great again, women are degen crap, they need better role models hahahaha

i went on pol because trs got shut down and figured 8pol would be good place to go

0208

heh. weighed in at 159 pounds in the morning pre coffee, post morning Micturation hahahaha, in which you can easily get rid of like 1 lb of Water Weight. so this means my first goal is reached, hooray, i am no longer “overweight.” but on the very high end of normal. consumed less than 1200 calories yesterday and myfitnesspal told me this was not recommended, i am not eating enough, and will not show me my projected 5 week weight until i consumed 1200 calories hehehehe.

now you could consume 1300 calories and burn 1000 calories at the gym, it wont complain about that.

but i have been Ill with a fever or cold or something and have not been eating much or exercising, dont want to go to gym when sick. seem to be getting better tho.

now just gotta lose 19 more pounds hahahahahaha.

make it a goal to lose 14.88% of your body weight.

its not gonna help you get women unless youre tall, but it will help you get healthier and feel more confidence when you look at your no longer so fat body. might make it easier to get jobs and keep people from Bullying you at Work hahahahahahahahaha. Whose bullied more, fat people or nonfat people? i mean skinny nerds get bullied all the time. but so do fat losers.

i watched “married at first sight” and all the women suck. i mean the men arent great either, but theyre better than the women. its a common thing where the man will want to communicate, lets communicate and put an effort into solving this problem, but the woman would rather shut down, run away, not communicate, be mad, throw a tantrum, and the guy is understandably frustrated: he wants to fix this, and she is not willing in the least. how about a litle cooperation and willingness. nope.

so i say a good thing is to give them a spanking and then hopefully they respect you again.

its just a real shitty situation when the woman stops respecting you. you cant then go to her and beg plleeeeeaaasseeee respect me, ill do anything you want, what do i have to do for you to respect me? answer: nothing. its impossible. if you have to ask, you;ll NEVER get respect.

and when you see your beloved turning away from you, drifting away from you, you get scared and desperate and its real hard to stand up and be the hard man which is the only way youll get respect back!

heh. how do i get respect from my male friends. just by being myself, being a decent person. not brain surgery.

but this is NOT enough if you want to get respect from women. you gotta be a tough guy and a hardass too hahahaha. yeah well i dont respect women cuz they are sluts and mudsharks and too damn promiscuous! goes both ways bitches hahahahaha.

the disrespect was just a double whammy on top of the rejection though. insult to injury. you can injure me but please dont insult me on top of it. i really didnt deserve that. other sluts gave me more respect when they dumped me hahaha why couldnt you.

i dunno. i just hate getting disrespected. if i did something wrong i am usually the first to feel ashamed about it. even moreso than other people. so to get disrespect from them for a total overreaction, misjudgment, mistake, misunderstanding, is fooking infuriating.

but you cant make somebody respect you. or stop disrespecting you.

google gf doesnt respect me

hhehehehe the mainstream and womens media makes it look like this never happens. but it obviously happens a lot. men everywhere are being disrespected by women.

whose fault is it? the men for being shitty little pussies? or the women for gradually coming to take their men for granted? i mean they knew what they were getting into!

a guy like me will take all the responsibility and blame: well she doesnt respect me any more, it MUST have been something i DID, now let me fight to WIN BACK her respect.

when yeah i WAS being more of a pussy and women HATE and disrespect that……but i also think it can be a conscious choice too. like, i once respected this person, what did they REALLY DO to cause my respect to decrease?

is there really a good reason to disrespect this person or am i just overreacting?

i dunno. its just so stupid that women can be so childish and immature and wrong and they never have to answer for it. is that part of their natural Privileges from having the uterus? maybe. that they are shielded from any consequences of their immaturity. that may well hurt men, but doesnt hurt the women in the least.

i dunno. maybe. therefore  im not allowed to be upset.

well, i AM allowed to be upset, i was the one wrongly disrespected!

i just wish she face some damn KARMA for this. JUSTICE hahahahaha. justice for me hahahahaha. what goes around comes around. but when it comes to women being immature…..what goes around doesnt always come back around. they just keep being stupid idiots until they have at least 2 kids. women need at least 2 kids before they stop being children themselves. till then they can go around treating people like shit.

hell no its not right, and thats why mothers and fathers would raise their daughters not to treat people like shit!

just make a damn effort to not break hearts in the most devastating way possible. and this was someone i knew and trusted, who treated me badly. just a total mindfook but i am slowly become numb to it, which is really the best and only solution here, because there wont be any REAL closure.

closure ultimately comes from within, but SOME closure CAN come from the other person. they CAN help you in the process. indeed, that is the decent thing to do. help the person you’re dumping and heartbreaking, to get started on the path to closure. give them a little bit to start them off.

anyway i have been taking nyquil every night for about 5 nights so, that kinda numbs the mind as well. feeling better so want to get off that. just try the dayquil today.

but yeah dr phil would be a great independent tribunal, an arbiter if you will. i would bring her on and we would present our cases and dr phil would say ya know sweetie, you’re just acting like a spoiled child here, he deserves better treatment. we at the dr phil show side with him. now go apologize to him and ask him for forgiveness. also consider dating him too. a white man who actually cares about you and would fight to make things work with you.

http://archive.is/53KA7

daily reminder to find a good wife, how to do so amidst the sea of degen whores hahahaha

http://shrink4men.com/2011/04/18/are-you-an-abused-man-three-questions/

QUOTE  “My wife thinks I’m being abusive and controlling when I tell her her behavior is hurtful.” END

yeah that sucks. when a woman accuses YOU of being abusive when you are just trying to communicate and or stand up for yourself, and she gets all upset, and you think…….wait……maybe i AM really abusing her!

but youre not!

0209

im not asking to never be disappointed. just that you attempt to show a little human decency and common courtesy when disappointing me, try not to add insult to injury. show a SHRED of kindness. dont be the worst person you can be. dont COMPLETELY BTFO people you have known for YEARS without a single word.

plus it makes me feel even worse for liking her. like i never thought i could like someone again, and i took a leap of faith and opened muh heart miraculously, took a chance, decide someone is important enough to you to make sacrifices for, have chirren with…….and then they TUALAPOG. and you were thinking about spending your LIFE with them and having CHIRREN with them.

makes you think holy shit how could i be so WRONG about this person?

i thought I KNEW them!

hey i was no angel. i was not perfect. my communication skills left a lot to be desired. but the right thing to do when your real actual literal friend gets feelings for you is to say IM SORRY BUT I DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU hehehe.

yeah its always complicated though, its never really a good situation.

why didnt I just TAKE THE HINT and stop pressing the issue? and just move on?

well because i was desperately hoping we would hang out at SOME point, and this was a person i USED to hang out with. its not like i NEVER hung otu with her. for a long time we would hang out semi regularly. and that sets a tone and expectation of semi regular hanging out.

shit yeah it would be a LOT DIFFERENT if i NEVER hung out with her ever. but thats not the case.

like for example when you know EARLY ON you are interested in the gurl, before you even really hang out with her.

but yeah its just weird when you already have an established thing, are already friends, have a history of hanging out, also they have some legit good reasons for space, you try to give it to them.

i dunno. yeah i guess i coulda just taken the hint, but this shit was different, because we had something already, we were already friends, we already hung out, that i think sets some expectations and such. i was WAY closer and friendlier with woman2015 than i was with woman2012. woman2o12 we were just friendly acquaintances. w2015, we were full blown friends. no doubt about it. that makes a big difference.

yeah i KNOW that by getting feelings I single handedly CHANGED the relationship without her consent. but i was trying to get her consent, or her input, or whatever.  you dont have to like me back but please be gentle when you break my heart, please make an attempt not to add insult to injury. how hard is this. say thanks for the good times and i wish you well. thts all.

im not entitled to anything, i just think because we had a 2-3 year friendship, that i had a reasonable expectation to a SHRED of mercy and kindness and courtesy and respect, thats all, nothing more, nothing less.

anyway. really gotta get over this. i have become a total neet loser. and she is a winner making tons of money and tons of white knights fawning over her, but she will prob screw it up by getting knocked up by a badboy and being too stupid to use a rubber, oh they feel weird, oh im just too stupid, and who cares about the stds from these sleazebags, im a sleazebag too. but shes not a neet loser hahahaha.

are there any female neets? i dont think so! they simply dont exist! and yeah thats a biological privilege i am not arguing with. i am not REALLY butthurt about that hahahaha.

i just wish women were kinder and more respectful to men. to ME hahahahaha. theres no biological reason they cant be more respectful to me hahahaha.

come on. doesnt matter if i “revoked our friendship on the spot”. i claim i didnt. if you claim i did, burden of proof is on you to prove why.

 

 

WHAT WOULD DONALD TRUMP DO / FRIENDS FIRST GAME / 11 YEARS SINCE CUDDLING / SQUAT GUAT / TUALAPOG / ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD

0203

THIS IS THE BEST AND LONGEST POST EVER.

well i will get over the idea that i did a horrible thing and betrayed her and am a bad guy…..

but its much harder to get over the idea that I Failed The Shit Test. She was giving me a shit test because thats just what women naturally do to weed out weak willed men, and be selective, and find good stronk mates, and weed out the weak………and i failed the test and showed myself as weak. failed her shit test.

but i have my doubts that this was an actual shit test, vs her just being super shitty.

now i realize ALL shit tests are subconscious, and the women dont know theyre doing them.

and that shit tests are essentially women acting like Full Retarded Immature Children. and that is stupid and shamefur.

the proper response is to say, i’m not gonna take your shit baby, THIS ENDS NOW. youre acting like a CHILD and you can talk to me when you want to act like a grown ass woman. but i dont negotiate with bratty little children.

then the gurl melts and says ooh thats just what i wanted to hear, you passed the shit test, i luv you now.

also….. i thought shit tests came AFTER the gurl has shown SOME interest in you, most likely have SECS by the third date. but she doesnt really know you and doesnt know if youre a real enough man to continue having secs with her.

also, i failed shit tests with women before, bascially dumped for being Too Beeta……..but they still were NICE to me when they dumped me and didnt go apeshit and treat me like a piece of garbage, or it was my fault for being such a horrible person.

in other words, failing a shit test STILL doesnt mean the woman gets to throw you away like youre a horrible person. they can STILL empathize with you as someone who is gonna be hurt.

but i dont know how shit tests work in Friends First situations. when you already know each other. she had known me for 2+ years, she knew who i was.

are they testing to see if youre willing to just walk out on them if they give you shit?

well i wasnt willing to walk out on her exactly because we already had an established relationship for a long time, and you just dont GIVE UP on people like that, unless they are a trifling brat you JUST MET.

now with shit tests you cant say “just talk to me baby, and we’ll work this out. tell me what you want baby, and i’ll do it.” thats FAILING the shit test.

you have to say, im the MAN, and im not gonna stand for this. STAHP. THIS ENDS NOW. I wont take this shit, we wont talk this out, you’re gonna stop throwing the tantrum, or im gonna find a BETTER WOMAN.

well, its hard to walk out on a qt after youve BANGED her, because you want to bang her MOAR, plus the secs might be naturally, rightfully causing your brain to produce like-like-chemicals. so your willingness to put up with shit and not walk away is increased.

when walking away is not the same thing as giving up. when you you walk away because youre saying “i can do better than this. i dont have to put up with this shit. this is retarded.”

vs walking away as giving up: “i dont want to put in the effort to work on and improve this relationship. im done with them. its over and im pulling the plug.”

i dunno i think BEING ASSERTIVE is not a bad thing. i was never good at being a DICK to women becuase i was always THIRSTY (hahahaha) and DESPERATE for female attention and approval and liking and loving.

but i think you can be assertive and stand up for yourself and say i dont like the way youre treating me, you need to treat me with more respect or were done.

do women see assertiveness as being not masculine enough? or do you need to be more aggressive than assertive?

i dont think aggressiveness HURTS. except when you are being aggressively pushy, creepy, bugging them to hang out when they dont want to hang out. and you are persistent in a stalkery way.

the best advice i have thought of recently is: WHAT WOULD TRUMP DO. WHAT WOULD THE TRUMPENFUHRER DO in this situation, with this woman. how would HE show assertiveness to this Bratty Bitchy Woman whose trying to bust his balls?

THAT is what you must do.

would he let some gurl say oh not now, but later. later. later. for months and months? fook no. hed say, were going out to bla bla on saturday at 7 pm. done. be ready or youre fired hahahaha.

shit. when this first started going on she made it sound like almost playful and possibly flirtatious, like youre the guy, you pick the place. and i responded pretty well like, OF COURSHE ill pick a place, i am decisive as fook and if you dont like it, your loss baby lol. and joking with her. and tyring to point out how i wasnt such a nice guy, i am a total asshole, its my way or the highway. was trying to show that side to her. which i still think was a good idea! but then she STILL kept bailing on me. still making up excuses. i said youve got two strikes already baby, and believe me you dont want a third! youre treading on thin ice! which i thought was halfway decent Game for a sperg autist neet virgin wizard like me! and i still do!

but it didnt work, cuz she still kept up with the lame excuses.

at that point, i should have said THIS ENDS NOW. STAHP STRINGING ME ALONG or i’ll hang out with somebody who doesnt.

and because i failed to do that, i lost out on muh lifelong wife and mother of my children, cuz i made one misstep and responded to one shit test incorrectly hahahahahaha.

again my game was not Perfect, but it was OK considering, and at the beginning of it, it didnt seem she was Stringing Me Along too much. so i continued the Playful Banter and things werent weird yet.

and the excuses werent really THAT lame. some were, like i was sick etc. others were like oh im upset because my cheating boifran cheated on me and im sad, and i thought her opening up to me about that was progress.

but yeah. you could have finally Broke Down and agreed to hang out over Thanksgiving or Crimbo. so I guess things were weird by January 2015. because i had fully expected to hang out with her around tgiving. that was disappointing. that was strike 1 or 2. i thought well if tgiving doesnt work out, xmas or new years definitely will. xmas did not work out. i even blatantly asked her if she wanted to hang out on new years. I DUNNOOOOOOOOOO. THAT should have been strike 3, and on new years day 2015 i should have said: OK. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. THIS ENDS NOW.  but instead there was tension for the next 7 months. and then devastating, pathetic heartbreak for me ever since that.

but do i really WANT a woman who has made the decisions she has? when she has to make big decisions and prove her mettle, she Chokes and chooses Poorly. and its TRAGIC because she can really do better. but do i really want someone who Chooses Poorly when it matters the most?

well i often thought, well, other white women arent much better. i mean how PICKY do i want to be here? we get along well, we know and trust each other, shes been with less than 3 guys, shes not annoying, shes nice, really the pros outweigh the cons here goy, where am i ever gonna find a nice, young, pretty, less than 3, no kids white gurl? wy the hell shouldnt i go all in with her!

shes made a couple of bad decisions, and i wish she had a better father but thats not her fault, her family is good despite that, were all human, ive made some REALLY bad decisions too, and most young cute white women have made a lot worse decisions! i could do so much worse, and really, considering my status, im not gonna do any BETTER!

i dunno. i TRIED to have game at the beginning. i thought i was Gaming pretty well considering me being an omega wizard. gimme a little CREDIT for THAT hahahahah!

but the game didnt work. she kept flaking. now was that because my game was not strong enough? and i should BLAME MYSELF for that?

well the true alpha would say, welp i screwed that one up, but i learned a lesson, and i will do better with the next woman. lets just move on from this.

note well that i am more about marriage game and traditional wife game as opposed to casual sex pulling degen sluts degenerate game!

also, HOW HARD IS IT TO HANG OUT????? i can see soem bitch youve only known for a month and had casual secs with, now blows you off and doesnt hang out with you because youre TOO interested in her……

but how do you Friends First Game?

average Game says, theres no such thing, youre in the Friendzone Forever.

I say, well just tell the gurl your feelings have changed. and then get soundly rejected because women dont like having Adult Conversations, because Serious is not Sexy. You have to speak their bullshit dumb retarded signal language. at which point you are better to be Aggressive He Man, than Assertive Lets Talk About This.

so stupid. what does heartiste say is proper Friends First Game?

i TRUST heartiste because he is pro-white and he is also TRS-approved and he understands the big picture.

even ROOSH is coming around to that, but we dont like Roosh because he is a Kebab and he makes fun of the alt right hahahahaha. ful disclosure: I bought “Day Bang” like 4 or 5 years ago and still dont realy want to get rid of it. i think white wizards like me can learn some basic solid game from a “kebab rapist” like Roosh. but yeah. he shouldnt have mocked the alt right. that was really stupid. not just the alt right, but WHITES. i can’t tolerate that.

plus him going around banging HUNDREDS of white girls. even if they are degen sluts. he is not being a part of the solution. to degeneracy.

but yeah. it just makes me very uncomfortable to think that the average unmarried white gurl is gonna be more or less ok with casual sex.

well this is the DEFEATIST shit schlomo WANTS me to think! NICE TRY SCHLOMO!!!!!!!!!

back in the day, DEFEATIST talk used to be up there with TREASON as an executable offense! or at least you got the shit beat out of you. and then went nuts and Kd yourself and others like private pyle hahahaha.

i have always felt like private pyle unfortuantely hahahahaha.

just to be crystal clear, i dont support the poolside, enjoy the decline, watch the world burn bullshit. i might have been seduced by that DEGENERATE, HEDONISTIC NIHILISM when i was younger, but not anymore. there are values much much much higher than MUH DICK.  and thats all that shit is, is muh dick.

i luv TRS because not only do they have a fun forum, but they have totally engaging the Memeplex and are changing the meme game in a bigger way than any pro-whites ive seen so far. creating memes, changing the language, creating our own language, “dog whistling” to other shitlords with words like “AGENCY” and “TIME PREFERENCE”. not to mention the more jocular memes/words like “cuck” and dindu and gibs which seem to be penetrating our language.

what they are doing is great and exciting and important. and i have been pro white since 2011 hahahahahaha. ive read stormfront and vnn and they are fine and dandy, but TRS is the next big thing and i am GRATEFUL i discovered them.

they would tell me forget about that lost cause mudshark……..but they would also say i am a total beeta lost cause myself, so when you tally up the scorecard, i would have been lucky to pull a white gurl like her. young, less than 5 dicks, no kids, so what if she is a little mudsharky and has no father. pros outweigh the cons. i am a past my prime, 30+ loser who made bad choices in life and now reaps what i sow. i am luck that a white gurl even wanted to hang out with me. the best i deserve is a “BROWN MIDGET REFRIGERATOR” (description of guatamalan/mestizo brown women hahahaha, stout, stocky, short, stumpy, and very unattractive hahahaha.)

i am serious about wanting to date only white girls…..but with my low mate value, i have to find a white girl with ISSUES.  and i did! and i felt they were not dealbreaker issues!

or i could just IMPROVE MYSELF which is what proud white men are SUPPOSED To do. life is a constant journey of SELF IMPROVEMENT for the white man.

heh. for me that is super duper hard. i am losing weight pretty good and trying to treat my Despair with meds and occasional shrink hahahahaha.  i have quit drinking and quit MJ. but i still like MJ and I wish i didnt LIKE it!!!!!!!

i have quit porno and have not looked at it at ALL in…..111 days at LEAST.

i dunno. i had a good upbringing so i cant blame my family. they were just too protective though, if anything they were too loving! and in that sense were enabling of bad habits that would not serve me well as an independent adult who could Survive in the World of Work and Women.

Classic Spoiled Kid Affluenza syndrome reporting in!

but yeah i dont like Dating because i dont think women should be having secs before 6 months into an official relationship, at LEAST; and i dont like the fact that women cant talk about shit and solve problems like MEN hahahaha. im mad at women for not being MEN. hahahahaha.

you cant HATE women for being immature insane bitches. its part of BEING A WOMAN. WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT THAN MEN.

i dunno. i can accept women being VERY different from men, i just WISH they didnt HAVE to be immature, insane, destructive bitches! is that to unrealistic to ask?

probably not.

remember, those crazy bitches i fake dated and made out with and had secs with, who dumped me for being too beta and a doormat and not masculine enough and too interested in them, they still tried to dump me politely and nicely.

heh. j00ish women j00d me less than a white woman. its really discouraging when white women j00 you even worse than ACTUAL j00s hahahaha.

so yeah i can finally believe that i didnt do something HORRIBLY WRONG AND EVIL.

i have a harder time accepting that it was more than a matter of game. if i had just GAMED her better, i would have gotten her. and my major mistake is failing this SHIT TEST.

i would like to think there is no one size fits all way of passing a shit test. donald trump does it one way, uncle adolf does it another way, vlad putin does it another way, the southern gentleman does it another way. i would prefer to be assertive ratherly than overly aggressive, and not be too huge of a dick about it. because thats SAFER hahahaha. because what if being a dick to the woman actually offends the woman and drives her away? hahahaha. yes i am being slightly sarcastic.

bbbbbbut its hard to be a dick to women when you are a desperate doormat who is desperate to not be left by them.

i wish there were a good authority on Friends First Game i could turn to hahahaha.

of course the idea that there is a Game for every situation is pretty degen, see the hilarious twitter account return of kangz whcih is a alt right, pro white parody of return of kings which somebody from TRS forums is doing probably.

https://twitter.com/ReturnOfKangz?lang=en

it seems to be making fun of Game, from a pro white perspective hehehehehe. i dunno. its a really new twitter account but looks promising.

i dunno.

see, i thought Friends could just TALK to each other freely without using stupid GAME.

i thought friends could just HANG OUT with each other REGULARLY.

but i didnt WANT to be just friends.

well i was FINE with being friends at FIRST.

then things changed.

then i wanted to have a friendly talk about that change and just put it out there like a mature adult. no shit tests, no signals, no ultimatums, no bullshit.

but maybe its because im an unmasculine mating market loser that i even THINK Game Is Stupid. If i were a successful man, I would appreciate and respect the Game, as i respect the Differences between men and women.

i respect the differences between men and women, but i still think Game is stupid.

but MGTOW is kind of stupid as well. just pussies giving up and embracing foreveralone as some kind of moral signaling. nope. i dont buy it anymore. im as done with mgtow, as she was done with me hahahahaha.

there are better ways to morally signal hahahah. like by saying you are a traditional white man who wants to have a traditional white family with a traditional white woman.

WHAT WOULD THE DON DO.

he would say, “listen. the first couple times you blew me off, that was understandable. you were going through some tough stuff. but I really thought you would hang out with me around tgiving, crimmus, or new years. enough is enough already. youve been avoiding me for 2 months. this is not ok. this ends now. either we hang out this saturday at 5 pm or you CALL me when youre ready to stop stringing me along and start treating me with the respect i deserve.”

THE END.

put that on a fooking flashcard and MEMORIZE THAT QUOTE.

i am looking for an EPIC DOOM BAND that is MORE EPIC THAN CANDLEMASS.

CANDLEMASS IS NOT EPIC ENOUGH FOR ME.

Candlemass is great and nothing but respect. but i want 10 minute songs, not 6 minute songs hahahahaha.

yes, i am fully aware candlemass invented epic doom and has an album called “EPICUS DOOMICUS METALLICUS.”

yeah i will also take epicish gothic doom death. like my dying bride. that is more than epic enough for me. maybe what i’m looking for are those “gothic”, super melancholy Two Guitar Harmonies.

google how to deal with a shit test

looking for somewhat trusted sources, not easy

http://therationalmale.com/tag/how-to-pass-a-shit-test/

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/compendium-of-female-super-shit-tests/

ok. so you treat them like the BRatty Little Sister. you dont hate them or want to hurt them, but you want to SHOW THEM WHOS BOSS.

WOMEN HATE MEN WHO NEED TO BE TOLD TO BE DOMINANT. hahahahahah. whoooops failed that shit test hahahahah.

Commanding respect is especially important for the kind of testing where they’re just being an annoyance and generally disrespectful. IMO disrespect should not be tolerated and needs to be nipped in the bud, and is an important way to maintain frame control. You simply need to be firm and treat her like a father would to their child who’s being disrespectful. You don’t get angry, you just call her on the behavior and let her know clearly that you won’t stand for it. In a way this is almost a type of pressure flip. You’re taking her negative energy and sliding past it and putting the onus on her to react by changing her approach to the topic. For example:

Her: Nag nag nag.
You: That is disrespectful and I will not tolerate it.

https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/17/confessions-of-a-reformed-incel/

he seems pretty degen but there are some solid things in this article, poignant tuff feels you will have felt hahahaha. but he watches pron hahahaha. anyway decent article, cant vouch for the rest of the site.

yeah he likes pron too much and hates women too much. and doesnt like to heartiste. but i can basically understand where hes coming from. plus i HAD to read an article called “confessions of a reformed incel.” he went TWELVE YEARS without sex, and i think without even cuddleing or making out, any contact with women basically.

welp… its been 11-12 years without actual secs for me

11 years since touching pvssay, and cuddling

10 years since making out

so….almost as bad hahahahahaha.

11 years since cuddling wow that just sounds SAD hahahahaha.

WHAT WOULD THE DON SAY:

THAT IS DISRESPECTFUL AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.

this is prob muh favorite style. straightforward, no bullshit, no games, clear, direct, honest, short, to the point.

i dont even disrespect RANDOM SLUTS as bad as she disrespected me. how could she do that? im talking about archetypical degenerate, mudshark, casual sex, 30+ dicks, bastard babies, stupid retarded corrupted white skanks. i treat them with the utmost disrespect as a group, and she treated me worse than THAT. showed me less respect than THAT.

if i know someone as an INDIVIDUAL, that counts for something. if i god forbid knew one of those sluts, i would probably treat her with more respect as i would the GROUP. on an individual one on one basis, i try to treat EVERYONE with respect.

the idea she could do that to ME. someone she was once Good Close Friends with. its MIND BOGGLING.

QUOTE

trpalternate 55 points 1 year ago
For the married guys in here, I’ll add one thing that I learned from experience: If you’re faced with passive-aggressive behaviour, ignoring it will, at best, postpone the problem. Passive aggression isn’t the same thing as a veiled shit test. The entire purpose of being passive-aggressive is to niggle at you until either you become cowed by guilt and fear of disapproval, or until you set some boundaries.

You have to confront passive-aggressive behaviour, preferably immediately. When you do so, be firm but not aggressive or angry. Make sure you shoot down any denials (e.g. “I didn’t mean to hurt you”). Also, don’t let her flip the script back on you. If she tries to deflect with something like how you don’t do enough dishes, you can say something like “We’re not talking about dishes. We’re talking about [Insert passive-aggressive action].

Set limits and follow through. Make sure that she knows that further behaviour like that will not be tolerated. Also tell her that if if there is a problem, she is to state it to you directly.

In my case, about an hour after the discussion, she asked me to apologize for getting upset with her. The absurdity of the situation got the better of me and I let a chuckle slip out. Then I told her that she was the one in the wrong, so she will be doing the apologizing. She did. One year in, and that was the last passive-aggressive snipe I have ever dealt with from her.

END

https://web.archive.org/web/20160107223756/http://illimitablemen.com/2014/12/14/the-shit-test-encyclopedia/

gotta dig into this.

you know it seems like less of a shit test and more that she was JUST AVOIDING ME. SHIT TESTS means theyre still INTERESTED, conditionally of course. avoiding you means they just have no interest whatseover.

avoiding is not a shit test.

therefore it was not a shit test that i failed.

anyway they way the more sex obsessed game types talk about women, you think, god damn these women are disgusting, are all women like that? and the gamers would say yes of courshe. all women are immature little cheaters and sluts. i dont like that idea hahahaha.

it sucks to find a Decent Woman and they do something really bad.

why cant they just disappoint you A LITTLE? they have to disappoint you WORSE THAN YOU COUL EVER IMAGINE.

and i dont give people shit tests. i realize even MEN ive each other shit tests all the time, but i dont even do that.

these PUAs are clearly degenerate and the women they fook are clearly degenerate, and i hate to think that All Women Are Like That. that SHE is like that.

maybe she was just chill and nondramatic because she partook a lot of MJ. do i REALLY want to be with a woman who does a lot of MJ? turning your mind to MUSH, and probably makes you MORALLY LAZY as well? not being able to do the right thing when the time comes?

well i wanted to do MJ with her, chill out and cuddle together, and i just cared that she was not a slut. had a low number.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/12/29/its-easy-to-identify-a-slut/

hehehehe

https://goodbyeamericainaphoto.wordpress.com/

i think heartiste has another blog and this is it

heartiste was one of the first guys i read that really got me thinking, and i still come back to him. i read him when i was an approval seeking shitlib. helped me see the error of muh ways! and he is still great. i think he is probably on board with pro white K selected family stuff.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/09/16/why-sluts-make-bad-wives/

i like how he mansplains stuff that really shouldnt need an article to mansplain. why do sluts make bad wives?

TO ASK THE QUESTION IS TO ANSWER IT!

oh dear god. beta college boy dating dominant abusive woman, she goes batshit breaking shit making noise, cops called, they make them visit a college counselor, girl complains about man being WEAK and counselor says that Your Weakness is a Triggering Issue for her, maybe you should work on that mkay hahahahaha. so you dont force her to beat you with a shovel.

yeah this guys a huge pussy and doesnt even deserve an abusive gf…….but even weak unmanly shitlib sjw swpl phaggots dont deserve to be abused and threatened by their relship partners!

degen icelandic feminist whores sing triggering song about how they are huge buttsluts who love to take it up the ass. because it destroys patriarchy and destroys toxic masculinity and shows solidarity with oppressed gays. an acceptable form of appropriation hahaha. also stick it to the prudish squares. let your white daughter become a horrible anal wh0re hehehehe.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2015/08/27/white-nationalist-game/

heh heartiste might be ONE OF US hahahaha

http://archive.is/EuSlG

8pol thread related

ive been rejected by women before……but this one has been THE WORST.

yeah i will survive, i am probably getting a little better, but shit. at this point my woman hating levels are THROUGH THE ROOF.

but the good news is that more pro-white than ever before. i might even just admit that I Am A “White Nationalist.”

well i dont like labels, but i am definitely not Anti White Nationalist! And I Am White and HOLY FOOK I LUV BEING WHITE!!!!!!!! and I feel great loyalty to my RACE.

prior to 2012 i was very open to Race Realism but I didnt want to apply the label to myself. Was not all hardcore 1488 hahahaha. but when i got rejected by woman2012 i decided to go all in and be like fook it. i hate nonwhites and women hahahaha. im not trying to win any bitches approval. if anything i want to signal for white women who also believe in the 14 words like me!!!!!!!!!! and countersignal to fooking mudsharks, race traitors, sluts, etc.

oh i can fook whoever i want whenever i want and its not cheating because i never agreed that our rel was MONOGAMOUS hahahahahaha ayyyyyyy lmao idk ikr tbh fam smh

i hate it when bitches harshly dump you because you didnt READ THEIR MIND correctly. and asked for clarification about the complicated issues. i thought women LOVED to TALK about COMPLICATED DRAMA. sometimes but not always. sometimes theyd just rather show you shitloads of hostile disrespect, more disrepect than you would show the dirtiest whore, they show to YOU, even though you were a important part of each others LIVES for YEARS. nope. it dont matta. nunnadis mattas. WHO CARES. MEANS NOTHING. you’re just worthless garbage. like you never existed.

I GAVE HER MANY CHANCES. SHE GAVE ME NO CHANCE.

went to Gym and focused mostly on my new incline fetish. no its not a fetish, its just a new interest. SCHLOMO wants to denigate all your HEALTHY interests into “fetishes.” well that said, there are actual fetishes, and they are degenerate and should be shamed and shunned. but dont call a healthy gym thing a fetish cuz its not.

anyway went all out there on at least a 5% incline if not 6, and now feel much more tired and like the muscles got a serious Workout. so i can have a nice Muscular Ass so Tyrone and Mohamed can Pozz me and i can be a good Power Bottom hahahahaha. hahahahaha. no thats obv degenerate af.

but yeah that was good ultimately. think i am getting a cold tho. that is not good but hay at least i dont have to go into the Contact Center with 50 other hacking coughing sneezing people and answer phones all day.

i was suprised at how FEW blacks there were there. because blacks in Contact Centers will often give you the runaround and say they cant help you, get this info and call back, because they dont want to put in the effort and thought to solve the problem. however whites care and whites have real empathy and actually honestly want to help you, so they put their own quality scorecard and therefore their jobs at risk by taking longer to help you. and then bringing work problems home with them, studying in between shifts, until they go crazy and either go postal, K others, K themselves, or quit, because they dont want to be like a black and just quit. well i am willing to quit a job because i am a spoiled neet and a disgrace to my white race!

if the job were less ridiculous i might not have quit it. if SHE wasnt there i definitely would not have quit it. i was not man enough to take both struggles and stressors at once. i broke down like a little omega neet fuccboi boipucci neet wizard virgin manlet with no agency. a piece of white trash hahahaha. even white TRASH was good enough to hold onto the job!

but yeah her karma is a lot worse than mine. its bad karma to quit a job…….but not super bad. -1 to her -20. -30, -50.  it is horrible karma to ABORT or DELETE someone from your life that you had A Good Relationship with for a matter of YEARS. how would ANYONE react to that? even the most normie chad would be PRETTY DAMN UPSET.

and thank god i dont have to LIVE with that hanging over my head forever! she will just push it down deep though and Forget It All. It Never Happened. is THIS REALLY the kind of person I want to be sharing the rest of my life with? OF COURSHE NOT!

but it sucks that she is capable of treating some OTHER guy right and being a great wife to HIM! but she decided I wasnt worthwhile enough to treat with even a LITTLE respect. im not asking for a LOT. im asking for a LITTLE, and IMHO i had a Reasonable Expectation to a Little. and i want reasonable good wifeworthy less than 3 dix women to agree with me on that.

I was BTFOd. COMPLETELY. BTFOD. did i deserved to get BTFOd? no. at worst i deserved to have her bitch at me for a little bit, but that would involve talking to me. she couldnt even care enough to talk to me to bitch at me. damn.

how can someone who you were so close to you, do something SO COLD to you?

i figured she didnt like like me, but I also thought that she LIKED me as a person a LOT. put a lot of VALUE on me. and when people VALUE you, they don’t TUALAPOG/Abort/Delete you.

shift+delete you!

so now if someone says or acts like they value me as a person, how am i to know theyre not bullshitting?

and i dont think she WAS bullshitting.

blame it on the fooking MJ. the DEVILS cabbage. the HERBAL J00. it CLOUDS YOUR MIND and stupid stoners LAFF about that (“the halflings pipe-leaf has Clouded Their Mind” LOLOLOLOLOLOL) and laff about that, without realize it can cloud your mind on very IMPORTANT shit, like making decisions of MORALITY and doing the right thing. throw this person away then just smoke w33d for years and its like IT NEVER HAPPENED. cheat, kill your baby, neglect your children, and just smoke w33d all the time and its like the shit never happened.

see when i smoked weed, if i wasnt anxious as fook, i felt GUILTY for being a bad horrible weak shitty person. smoking w33d would certain INCREASE my guilt if I did something HORRIBLE to another person!

but it doesnt appear to have that effect on her at all! nope! just chills her right out!

is this the type of woman you want to share the rest of your life with? mother of your children? just because shes WHITE and under 30 and doesnt have any bastard kids????

but you get along really really well and feel really close to hahahaha.

maybe i was just so desperate for a woman that that desperation finally sparked my feelings. and if i had real OPTIONS, i would see how she should not be the first priority.

but i had no options. no plates spinning hahahaha.

maybe if i did, she would have wanted me. lawd knows when SHE had some changes in HER relship status, that sparked MY interest and pushed me over the edge!

When she had a Long Term BF, i had no interest in luv, or secs, as women prefer to call it hahahaha.

when that rel ended, i said HMMM. i really get along with this woman very well, we are good close friends, shes not unattractive, shes got no kids, shes got really nice hair and white skin and legs, shes super nice, she treats me well…….HMMM.

(she did not use me as a Beta Orbiter Crying Shoulder Emotional Support, so that was good? although i was very willing to give her emo support if she neeeded it.)

then there was the biggest regret time of july 2014 where we hung out and she was super nice to me, but i was still going HRMMMM and did not make a move.

but its very possible that she was just nice to me because she was NORMALLY nice to me! but once she figured out i might like her…..she became very NOT nice to me. bad sign hahahaha. and imho much more than a shit test or bitch shield.

yep this whole tragic sad story illustrates the tragedy of white trash. they are our white kith and kin and we should treat them as such…..but they are just so goddamn heartbreakingly disappointing. they can come SO CLOSE to shaking off the Trashy aspect and fully embrace their white potential…..but at their highest point, they Choose Poorly and start sinking back into the muck and the mud forevermore. but you WANT to help them. you know what theyre capable of. you know they could be so much better if they just didnt make such bad choices and have such bad habits. usually broken families and drugs/alcohol. the damage schlomo does to these poor white families! it should make your white blood boil!

it almost feels like a religious calling for me. the one thing i am really passionate about in a world of despair and disappointment and failure, largely my own, is The White Race. it is essentially my religion. or as some WN thinkers would say, Nature’s Eternal Religion. Sounds good to me!

who do you hang out with if YOU YOURSELF are the negative influence, and no healthy normies want to hang out with losers? You wouldnt hang out with a loser like you! you know well enough that you should SHUN losers, because bad company brings you down!

well…..hehehehe its not true that i wouldnt hang out with me. ID HANG OUT WITH ME SO HARD. i am pleasantly surprised by my confidence there. i am completely unconfident i can get a job or get a woman, but i am very confident that i am hangoutwithable and that i can lose weight.

of courshe it doesnt help manlets like me to lose weight because if you are under 5’10 you are INVISIBLE to women, they dont care if youre fat or thin. (disqualifying the positive)

well i could get a real shitty job like nonstop customer service in companies with VERY high turnover except by the most desperate, like me hahahaha.

and i could very likely get a 30 year old nonwhite woman, maybe a SQUAT GUAT or a Fat Laotian or a Fat Black Woman. Black Women are usually single and they actually like me. black women LOVE me and show me great interest. well not really but they are generally pretty nice to me. i could probably pull a 30 year old black woman with black kids if i were that desperate. and i dont want to be that desperate!

not that they dont deserve somebody 2 Luv! everybody deserves someone 2 Luv!

but as an avowed out of the closet White Nationalist 1488, Interracial Dating and especially MATING is, Y’KNOW, like kinda important to me!

ridiculous QUOTE from my own What 2 Say In An Interview File:
Economics has taught me that everything has a COST. Also about the laws of supply and demand. Marketing has taught me how to create demand and add value.

do not trash you current company when interviewing for a new job. If they ask you why you are leaving, tell them you are happy with what you accomplished at old company but are looking for a place that can provide longer term growth and challenges.

You HAVE to have a thick skin. You HAVE to be able to take “hazing”, whether its from clients or co workers. They probably dont mean it personally, and more importantly, you have to control your emotions, not let them control you. It may be that the person is testing you to see how you deal under pressure. Of course its under pressure that our true self comes out, and we have the chance to really prove ourselves…or choke. If its a coworker simply trying to get under your skin, you can let their words roll right off of you like water off a ducks back, and even give them a taste of their own medicine. If its a client, you simply ignore the disrespect and “kill them with kindness.” In short, in the real world, people don’t always treat you the way you would like to be treated, and you can’t let it bother you, or you won’t get far in life. Sometimes people also push you or test you to see how much they can get away with, and whether or not you will be flustered by verbal jibes or japes. I have self respect and wont allow myself to be treated as a doormat, however I also know how to respect authority and submit when a superior is ordering me to do something. I personally do not usually test people in this way. I simply use the golden rule and treat everybody the way I want to be treated, and I want to be treated with RESPECT.

you can’t just have a Big Picture View. You have to have a Tiny Picture View as well. Super Macro AND Super Micro. you need to be like the EAGLE soaring above at 5000 feet, and be able to see a mouse on the ground below, and zoom in on it with laser like precision. Essentially zoom in from a 5000 foot view to a 1 foot view in a second, with equal clarity at both levels, and at all levels in between. What good is someone who can see super macro and super micro, but they cant discern the large gray area in between? You might see the forest, and you might see a tree…..but could you see HALF the trees? I bring a wide range of accuracy and detail to thought and vision. I am efficient working and solving problems at ALL levels.

Efficiency without effectiveness is not efficient.

Effectiveness without efficiency is not effective.

END

I literally have at least 8 hours of me reading the bullshit in that huge file. not sure how many pages it is, but it is 44000 words, which is about 6-7 times longer than this post so far.

WHAT IF once she hits 30 she contacts me and wants to get Together 4 Realz and fully apologizes and feels bad for what she did. Would I be stupid and desperate enough to accept? probably, if that were the end of the story.

so start adding layers of Red Flags.

what if she has a bastard kid from some deadbeat.

what if the bastard is half BLACK.

what if she has TWO white bastards.

she would CERTAINLY have elevated her number above the National Median of 3. But would she be above 10? 20?

if she had NONE of these dealbreakers i probably would.

she would probably be making more money than me anyway ayyy lmao.

what if she had had x abortions during that time?

assuming a woman would tell you the truth about the number of ABORTIONS she’s had. they are more likely to tell the truth about the number of COX they’ve had! unless they are an out and out abortion lover and baby life hater, in which case……very big red flag.

at 30 she would prob still look ok (unless she doesnt!!!!) but she would look a hell of a lot worse than she looks now! she still has a valuable couple of years before she hits 30!

but i’m OVER 30 ffs!!!!!!!

so what. i would have married young if i had the opportunity. i didnt. or i was too weak to MAKE the opportunity. so now im an older man who wants a younger woman. that is pretty natural actually tbh fam.

but i totally would have married young if i were in a good, healthy, LTR with a young, decent woman. i wouldnt throw it away for some grass is greener bullshit, or some Discover Yourself and Experience The “World” bullshit that women do hahahahaha. and throw away good men who loved them and would have been good husbands for them.

well also if i had a decent career too would be a plus. the Top 10% of Whites do have good careers at age 21. you just got to OUTCOMPETE people to get there and be the 10% best in your field. i did not do this obviously.

though i was in the top 10% for grade school and high school! then became Perfectly Average 50% in college, and after college, my stock kept falling and falling hahahahaha to the point where i wont even state the basics of my life because its just too shameful. basically a huge underachieving white neet. nothing BUT shame in my game!

for rich or poorer, for better or worse, through good times or bad. i never met a bitch that was willing to stick with me through the tuff times.

i guess thats not TOO weird. you gotta EARN it. its a STRUGGLE. its a hero’s quest to find your true maiden. i get that.

but uhhhhh how about you just show me a shred of mercy when you BOLT at the first sign of struggle. say SORRY for leaving me in the lurch before you go jump on the c0k carousel.

im not even sure wordly sluts know of the term cok carousel. ive used the term around men who loved it, well that there was a word for that sort of thing, but ive never used it in conversation with women.

they would probably say ewww thats nasty but still essentially BE ON the cok carousel as they say that.

harder to rationalize away that cognitive dissonance after youre 30 and unmarried. better have a baby with the next deadbeat so you can have some meaning in your life and have someone to chain to you, because its sure as hell not going to be a Good Man. so just use an defenseless, innocent little Human Life you irresponsibly created, B!TCH!

hahahahahaha def a bit of an Anger sort of day.

this is why its hard to get along with women and be friends with them. cuz they are such horrible people hahahaha. so its amazing i even FOUND a woman i got along with very well, and became good friends! you can pump and dump MONSTERS, but can you really Like and Respect them? of COURSHE not!

with couples who are always breaking up and getting back together with each other 10 times, they are still talking and fooking and can actually EXPRESS this sort of anger with each other, instead of just leaving the person alone in their own hell which you had a 50% hand in creating.

and after arguing and arguing and breaking up and getting back together 10 times, BOTH people can say, welp theres no gas left in the tank anymore. this is a dead shark. we are BOTH done. i dont hate you, i wish you well, but this rel is dead, and neither one of us can or wants to bring it back. thanks for the good times, and have a good life.

i SO much would have preffered that. THAT would have been 6000000 times better than TUALAPOG.

just let both parties argue and scream until there is nothing left to say, no gas left in the tank, no anger left, no luv left. that would be SO FOOKIN AWESOME. I WOULD LUV THAT. GIMME THAT ALL DAY OVER THIS.

hmm. in like sept and oct 2014, when i was JUST STARTING to get feelings for her, i was like a BOSS. i didnt like my job but i wasnt in danger of QUITTING IT due to Emotional Insecurity; I said YEP i am gonna TALK to her SOON and get that over with, whats next. hopefully find a better job and get the fook outta here and maybe get a Nice GF for once in my life, maybe. I even used a bit of Playful Tuff Guy Chad GAME with her, saying, I’ll pick where were going (because i know thats how to Win Gurls Approval hahahahaha) and such.

then she had a series of GOOD excuses as well as not so good excuses. tgiving and xmas and new years passed….and NO HANG OUT. i was frustrated. I HAD NOT SEEN THIS COMING. I THOUGHT FOR SURE we would have hung out and talked about this by now.

then job got even worse, and i got even worse, and the excuses got worse. i texted her cutesy shit almost every day and got Warm Fuzzies when she responded. but i had dozens of text drafts i DIDNT send her. that were basically playful fun ways of me telling her i liked her. shit i should have just send some of those. then i would have saved a few months, she prob wouldnt have reacted AS bad, and the issue would be out there.  blurting it out does not have to be all serious. it could have been any one of those dozens of silly texts.

heh. DONT YOU EVEN CARE HOW MY LIFE IS GOING, YOU STUPID COWARDLY B1TCH!!!!!!

i could be dead, in a psych ward, started drinking again, in jail for all she knows.

not that i would EVER K myself over a woman and more importantly, i’d never threaten a woman with that, because thats really really horrible apparently hahahahahaha. then you are the bad guy. then you DID do something horribly wrong and not be aware of it.

WELL I NEVER DID THAT and hopefully never will.

heh. she is prob busy with the busy time at the job right now. hopefully getting the same confusing bullshit I got. i want it to get under HER skin and her to get flustered and frustrated so she knows how I felt. and then have her work friends STAHP giving her moral support. but when has a WOMAN ever stahpped getting moral support. someone is always there to hold their hand through the tuff times hahahahaha. but we MEN do it ALONE.

well i got moral support from other people than her thank god. but it was so disappointing to see someone whod once been your Real Life Friend, shrink back to your Work Friend, to just a Work Acquaintance, to NOBODY.

it happens. but i never left a person in the lurch when they were reaching out to me. i ALWAYS responded and apologized. even if it was kinda half hearted hahahaha. also no one was ever really that DESPERATE to reach out to me. but if they WERE, id respond to them. try to ease their worried mind at least a LITTLE bit. show them a LITTLE kindness to someone who was once my friend.

thats all i wanted hahahaha. just a LITTLE kindness. not a lot.