pathetic. ew. ugh. ick. ack. ugh. gah. wow. just wow. i cant even. just no. um no. sorry not sorry. um yeah no. stahp. / I WILL LEAD YOU, IF YOU WILL SUPPORT ME


yeah buddy

what did i want to say.

i am anti casual sex. secs is an important thing because it can create new life. when you are young and have secs with your first few partners, your brain floods with bonding chemicals like oxytocin. then you get feelings for someone you dont really know. the feelings are built on a weak foundation, but the feels are still real.

when you say, oh i can ignore those feels, because this is just CASUAL, and then go on have have 5, 10, 20 partners, then you lose the ability to BOND with ANYONE.


i prefer women who prefer long term rels to short term rels. short term rels are JUST STUPID.

unless you are a muh dik r selected quantity over quality degenerate rat hahahaha. and that is what we are being pushed towards!!!!!!

so yeah there are mysteries in life that we will never figure out. i cant explain. hahaha.

i had never experienced this, and in a way, she had never experienced this. its no wonder it was a clusterfook.

still the solution is not complicated. just be NICE. treat people the way you want to be treated. nicely. with respect. with kindness. doesnt take a genius to know that throwing peopel away is painful and harsh.

and the only sense we can make out of it is: it was path of least resistance. easy way out. just ignore it and MAKE it go away. pretend it doesnt exist. classic avoidant behavior. nothing new here. doesnt matter if you had a 2 year friendship.

but yeah the fact that i had a SOLID FOUNDATION with her, made the feelings stronger, more real, and more painful to lose. the Oxytocin built up slowly and gradually, just the way i wanted it to, rather than being forced quickly by a Too Fast Secsual Encounter. WOmen who move into secs quickly make me VERY uncomfortable, yet i HAVE to play by those rules, because otherwise i would still be a virgin hahahaha. and i see it as “taking one for the team” or for the greater good, in that it will make me more masculine, more confident, get better at dealing with women, so i have a greater chance of pulling an Actual Quality Woman.

(the same does not hold true for women of course and its sad that I should have to mansplain that to women hahaha)

heh i am trying to justify and validate and mansplain my feelings to invisible imaginary jury of women. like YEAH its very painful when you LOSE someone very close to you.

well the closeness was all in your mind. you felt close to her, but she didnt feel close to you you WEIRDO. so youre WEIRD to feel the way you do, living a fantasy.

well, i respond to that by saying she WAS close to me once.  then near the end she began gradually withdrawing that but also giving mixed signals and false hope. how was i to read her mind. mixed signals. i knew it didnt look good but i didnt expect it to end this WAY at this TIME. i almost expected more of an angry tantrum like “stay away from me you weirdo!”

which i dont know if that would be better or worse. i would probably blame myself for being CONFIRMED creepy weirdo.

how weird is it though? i argue its not that WEIRD for a man to get feelings for his female friend; and its not WEIRD for him to be a pussy ass beta about expressing those feelings, to be a bit awkward.

yeah well women hate AWKWARD. this was one of the first lessons I learned from women when I was 21 and had my first experience with pseudodating. the girl was constantly worried about things being AWKWARD. and she said that I was NOT AWKWARD. hahahahaha thanks for the confidence builder. then she let me in super quickly.

well who cares if things are AWKWARD. there are far worse things in the world than awkward, like abortion and being raped by packs of mudslims, and being unable to live on 15 DAH, and being unable to get a 15DAHJ, and becoming a moral degenerate, and going bankrupt from cancer, then dying of cancer, having your heart torn out by those you love. actual pain and suffering. who cares about awkward.

but obviously women are still very worried about awkward.

prob cuz it signals a weak unconfident gamma/sigma/omega? a bad mate? yeah probably.

a man who cant HANDLE a woman. pathetic. ew. ugh. ick. ack. ugh. gah. wow. just wow. i cant even. just no. um no. sorry not sorry. um yeah no. stahp.

but my POINT is, women find this weak gamma behavior ANNOYING, and ANNOYING is not PAINFUL the way being STABBED IN THE HEART and treated like a piece of SHIT is.

ANNOYING is not that painful, when men are weak and annoying to women. but when women stab weak men in the heart and throw them away…..thats DEVASTATINGLY PAINFUL. i would take MERE ANNOYANCE any day.

anyway i refuse to believe women are total children. i believe european derived women ARE capable of agency. women are different from men and are generally more emotional, but i dont want to beleive they are SO emotional and SO stupid that they are ALL like CHILDREN that need to be dominated and led at all times.

also i am ok with leading and dominating a woman. but sometimes i have my bad days and need some SUPPORT.

i will LEAD you, if you will SUPPORT me.

” The USA got the plague of degeneracy first, and are first to recover from the plague; In India the kids are watching TV now, even as a growing number of American moms raise their kids without TV ” by my MAN. so glad that he is back. cant keep a GREAT man down. he has also recently become a poster at TRS forum, which is great. they would def benefit from his wisdom, and should invite him to the shoah, blog his articles, link to him, etc. he’s been one of my biggest white inspirations over the years.

anyway he talks non-doxxingly about his current job, a service oriented thing where he has to be a hardass to customers/clients. give them bad news and say THIS IS THE WAY IT IS. IT IS WHAT IT IS. IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU DONT LIKE IT. and it is stressful and to relieve that stress he works out a lot and does MMA. omg. such a great guy. indominable, irrepressible, unstoppable. total mancrush on him since like 2012. i wish he had a less stressful job. it sounds kinda like my old job. good news is he can handle the stress, but still. principle of the matter.


I will lead you, if you can PLEASE luv me enough to support me and be nice to me on my bad days where I am not a super strong leader. not at the top of my game.

heh. there should be a tech support stack exchange. they have tech everything else, but nothing for the poor tech support employees, who have questions and need help on how to do their job [better]. because the people they actually work with are not gonna help them, so its actually BETTER to ask anon questions on the internet. unbelievable.

oh lord. this is exactly why i like heartiste.

oh theres a twist there. well i was still able to pick the correct answer. plus that gurl would be an 8 at least: young and cute. i dont like big bewbs though and she looked like an attention hungry slut so thats bad.

anyway. i bet even if i got that woman, that person, to talk to me, she would be annoyed and distant and essentially would be saying k. k. k. i would give a big speech and she would say k. well stop pushing me and being so weird.

its like when a drug addicts family is trying to get them to go to rehab, but the addict disappears, refuses to answer the phone, to respond to messages, etc, and their family calls them 1000000 times with no response, until maybe sometimes the addict says STAHP bothering and pushing me! now im gonna push YOU away!

hehehe but The Double Standard is SO not bullshit. the fact that this casual cok loving whore thinks it is, shows what a degenerate enabler she is! no! stahhhpppp!

yeah that whole website is degen poison. very triggering to the antidegen such as myself. makes you think all women are whores, becuase it tells young women that being a whore is fun, good, and healthy, and not a bad thing like sexist women haters like me say it is!

anyway i bet if i HAD talked to her, she would have just eye rolled and said as little as possible and made me to be the bad guy forcing her. it wouldnt have been a GOOD talk. it wouldnt have helped THAT much. she wouldnt ahve been that much NICER in dumping me.

by making me the bad guy, its easy to dump me hehehe.


it will NEVER make full sense. she just wanted to take the easy way out and avoid confrontation. and i will never be able to read her mind and know exactly what she was thinking.


shit. i hate the idea that she could just say, well its YOUR fault your heart was broken, you got feelings when you SHOULDNT have, you let yourself get too carried away.

and even more so: its YOUR fault this was so devastating, becuase only YOU felt a sense of closeness. you thought I was some great thing, I thought you were just a casual acquaintance.

because for the most part, we were much more than casual acquaintances, and she showed me kindness and luv and loyalty that only an actual real literal friend can. didnt matter that she didnt have feelings for me. what did matter was that we had a decent, real friendship, and i dont like her denying that!!!!!!!

but i will never know if she IS denying it!

a circular thing. she wouldnt do something like this unless she thought they were a bad guy. so by her doing this, she convinces herself that i am a bad guy.

but im notttttttt!!! hahahaha.

its just so hard to lose someone who is a decent, marriageable, mother of your children woman. i wouldnt CARE if she were a dirty whore. but she had all the qualities of a good lifelong mate. this was not some 33 year old, post carousel, ticking clock, etc. it was a young healthy mid 20s, nonslut, pre carousel, loving, kind, loyal.

it hurts a lot more when the DECENT women dump you rather than the sluts.  you cant even call them an evil whore cuz theyre not.

it was a real BITCHY thing to do though.

imho, “bitch” is different than slut/whore. bitch means they are mean and nasty and unkind. slut/whore refers to the promiscuity, the number of cox taken. so you could have a nonslutty bitch, and you could have a kind nice slut.

anyway. the scooby calorie meter says i can eat like 2100 calories a day and still lose 1 pound a week uhhhhhh and it gives a warning box saying this is dangerous, dont do this without talking to your physician, when bunping it up to cut your calories by 25%, to lose 1.3 pounds a week hahaha, which still give like 1700 or 1900, where my myfitnesspal is 1570.

i dunno. maybe the scooby is right. it all depends on whether my activity level is sedentary, or the one right above it. i mean i like to shoot for 8 hours a week of exercise hahaha. but does that factor into my activity level?

i dunno.

anyway. i just wish this were more painful for HER, becuase that would PROVE i mean something to her and it wasnt all in my damn IMAGINATION.

oh well its YOUR fault you got too attached, i didnt ahve ANY feelings for you, so, im not hurting at all.

because at our peak I KNOW she was attached to me / cared for me as a fairly close friend. i was pretty much in her inner circle of a very small number of friends. i liked being important to her, mattering to her. it was good for my confidence hahaha. seriously.

i knew things were bad for a while, but i thought i still MATTERED to her somewhat.

and i think i did, even at the very end, but at that point she still chose the abortion option hahaha. it doesnt’ necessarily mean i no longer mattered to her AT ALL or that she felt NO pain about this. i’ll just NEVER KNOW is the important point im trying ot make here hahaha. ILL NEVER KNOW if i mattered to her at the very end. I think i did, i mean she was SORT OF nice to me like even a week before the shit went down. not super nice but at least willing to talk, trying to be somewhat cordial and not a huge bitch hahaha.

she could ahve even communicated with me THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE if she was too Something to do it herself. and i wold have told that person the truth: that i am in great pain and i think this sucks and i wish we had better closure hehehehe and that i was unsmooth and awkward but i dont think i did anythign wrong or hurtful or bad or abusive.

ok had a nyquil at 6 pm. not bad. the stuff helps you eat less too, you lose your appetite haha. trying to starve self hahaha.

of course bitches dont care if youre in shape as much as you are fun and alpha and personality. personality matters more to bitches and nonbitches too hahaha than your body. good thing i have no personality and am awkward and boring and weird and lame and neet haha loolololololollolol.

heres some serious antidegen agency: i just went through and deleted all my pr0n related bookmarks. just deleted em. i dont have any of that saved on the computer, just have bookmarks. and now i deleted them. feelz good man hahaha.

someone said that

trs link redacted

great thread. but somewhat said, pr0n is like the elites CUCKING you. dont let them CUCK you. dont let them take a dump in your soul and degrade you. throw their shit back in their face.

if what youre doing is something that would make the elites rub their hands greedily and say GOOD GOYIM, then dont do it, that is how you fight them.

dont let them cuck you, dont let them degrade you.

my biggest “gains” are that i have gotten into an exercise habit, thats great

and also i havent looked at pr0n in like 3 or 4 months. thats good, i am proud of that too.

and before that time, i still realized pron was bad and tried not to use it more than once a week.

compare this to being a horny teenager and looking at it EVERY DAY. SEVERAL TIMES A DAY. GOOD GOD.

nothing wrong with being horny but dont look at that brainwashing degeneracy. took me SO long to figure that out.

although i never really LIKED it and said WOW THIS IS AWESOME THIS IS THE GREATEST OH YEAH. I think i always realized i wanted to get away from it. and now i have.

the fatherland episode 9, see fatherland on soundcloud, see sidebar links

i just made my first post on TRS forums to bump a thread advertising this podcast done by TRS forum fatherz. didnt even listen to it yet. only listened to 1 episode (8) but it was good. lot of potential hear. youngish fashy goy fathers with young children who talk about family life, being a father to young children, finding a good wife, etc.

ANYWAY my POINT was, obviously porno is “pozzed” (TRS speak for “DEGENERATE” and j00d and bad), but what about jerking off (kids call it “fapping” but i dont care for that word) SANS pr0n0? just to ideas in your imagination?

well obviously its a lot better than with pr0n! but sometimes I think we force it anyway, when we are just desperate for a lift of mood because we are sad and lonely and not even horny. and then go to your spank bank, think of some cute gurl you knew, and imagine having casual possible rough secs with them.

i dont think this is too great either.

the least degenerate jerking off can be was like when i was thinking of THAT WOMAN back before the shit hit the fan. And i was deep in the feels and wanted her to be my gf and was just trying to hang out with her and she kept saying yeah i wanna hang out to but i cant do it now, it has to be later. later, later, later, later, later.

and then i imagined having gf longterm rel monogamous luv oxytocin secs with her.

trs forum link redacted

hehe. watching TRS live thread with the debates and the “trumpenfuhrer” hahahaha