had a dream where i was walking thru my old high school as like a 21 year old man. weird. not sure what i was doing or who i was looking for. wandering slowly. about 20 feet behind me i saw a gurl i hadnt seen in a few years, who i sorta liked, but was a huge mudshark slut. i would have liked to bang her tho. we were sorta friends very briefly, but i didnt know how to pull sluts, and she lost interest in me due to my omeganess and at the time sloppy drunkenness and just went and was a slut for musicians, hipsters, scumbags, and nonwhites happily ever after hahaha.
so i was like its been a few years maybe i can have a fresh start and bang her whore ass. so i stopped walking and waited for her to catch up to me. she must have not seen me even though i was looking right at her, she stopped and talked to someone else. ok fine i will come back in a few minutes. who the hell does she know here? well she fooks everybody (but me) and has 90000 fb friends, maybe she found another secsy man or person she knows. whatever she still looks good enough to bang.
i walked around a bit more then came back and saw she was talking to someone else this time. great. i didnt want to just interrupt tho that would have been the masculine thing to do.
i went into the cafeteria and in there i saw THAT WOMAN. she looked angry or upset and a young black man was trying to comfort her. i went down there cuz i wanted her to see me. she saw me. and then i started crying like a little bitch and started running out of there, moaning and wailing, saying nooooooo, how could you do this to me, whyd you do this to me…. real good show hahahaha. then i woke up and it was time to get up. but it was just stupid that she damn popped in in the last minute of the last dream before i had to get up. stupid.
yeah when someone drops you like this, you can ONLY THINK, what did i DO WRONG to DESERVE THIS? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?
yeah i should have been more straightforward, but she was refusing to meet with me, but stringing me along that we would meet someday. BUT i was also signaling hardcore, that i was NOT hiding. signaling that my feelings had changed for her. she CERTAINLY picked up on that and thats WHY she became distant. she didnt WANT to talk further about this, she just wanted me to STOP. i should have just taken that as my answer, but i dont work like that hahaha i always need to tell them and have them respond to it, which i dont think is inherently wrong!
so in other words, she KNEW what i wanted to talk about, and she did not want to talk about that AT ALL. she just wanted it all to go away. well it sure did.
do women have AGENCY? many on my favorite new forum would disagree.
i dunno. i just dont know. i would like to think that decent marriageable women have SOME agency.
i just really hate the idea that if i had had more agency, i could have been with muh luv. i could have won her. i could have made her luv me and want to be with me, if i had not screwed up, had been more masculine, more alpha, more agency, more strength, more of a man. but i failed and lose muh one true luv, who would be a good wife and mother of muh children, unlike sluts, or older women, or single moms, or whatever.
heh my 2d waifu sinead is in the MW new years hangout chatroom RIGHT NOW trying to get in the actual hangout. oh i would luv that.
her and renegade view the “alt right” as controlled opposition sellouts and cucks hehehehe. they have been talking smack about ramzpaul and richard spenser. havent seen any official sht talk from them against MW but i would like her to talk to MW. She could not find the link to the hangout and i almost WHITE KNIGHTED and sent it to her hahahaha. because i like her more than other fans of MW and TRS.
that the “alt right” is a bunhc of PUSSIES and WEAKLINGS and LUKEWARM and not willing to go all the way for whites, all talk, no action; moderates, degenerates, cucks, cowards, and that sinead and co are on the real winning team hehehehe.
and i am in luv with her because she is counter-semitic and looks like the woman who i am in Luv with hahahaha. and she is the qtest young woman ever seen in The Pro White Movement.
and its no use signaling to sinead because she is with the renegade guy i think who is way more handsome and alpha and younger than me, and she has a kid with him, and she wuld think i am a phaggot pussy omega not WORTHY of a decent white woman. go and get one from fookin cambodia or some sheet. cuz i am too soft on degeneracy and dont deserve a REAL woman.
well i kind of DONT! i am a huge loser! 8 pounds overweight, jobless, no confidence, no skills, no charisma, nothing to show for myself hahahaa. lost all muh frendz and muh job and muh woman and became a neet hehehehe.
a friend of a friend is 40 years old and i learned he has an 18 yo gf. INTERESTING, i said. i am interested in how that turns out.
there is nothing wrong with a 40 year old wiht an 18 year old, although normies even men would find it “weird.” the real stupid thing is assuming a 28 year old woman is any more amture than an 18 year old! when they bring up the “well the 18 year old is just not mature” argument. yet the 28 year old with 30+ men, IS somehow mature through that enlightening life experience.
the man was very lonely and had not dated in MANY YEARS so that was seen as factoring in. turns out the gurl was not terribly attractive, esp for an 18 year old! heck the 25 year old gurl i was in love wiht was better looking.
so there was thoughts oh he is so lonely and desperate to get his dick wet.
i sort of agreed but i would add, its now gone FAR BEYOND THAT. becuase now he is in FULL BLOWN LUV and thats the important thing now, that is MUCH more power than wanting to get your dick wet!
and possible she will dump him and he will be DEVASTATED. even worse than i was cuz hes in a rel with and banging this girl. and then he will be a 41 year old man dumped and devastated by a 19 eyar old gurl.
i hate to see that happen! cuz he is a great guy, met him a couple times. but TEXTBOOK beta niceguy. not the entitlement kinda nice guy either, but just a nice sweet gentle soul, who is gonna get dumped for being Too Nice and not Masculine Enough. and he doesnt deserve that! he deserves a nice 18 yo gf!
so “my” woman wasnt perfect but she ticked my most important boxes:
not a slut: VERY below average number of cox
really nice and sweet and gentle and loving and kind and caring (until she wasnt)
decent looking, perhaps a 7/10 and 25 years old, when am i ever gonna pull a gurl THAT HAWT again?
so yeah i think damn how could i ever do better than that. well by finding a woman who actually likes me. but she probably wont be as high quality! and i will always be COMPARING her to That Person.
so really the only thing i can do to have her fade away is TIME. i mean That Person technically wasnt as High Quality as the Previous Woman, who was healthier, had a better family life, more Emotionally Mature, and had even LESS cokz!!!!!! damn!!!!
and when i first met that person i was comparing her unfavorably to previous woman! but then eventually, in TIME, i got over previous woman and fell in total luv with That Woman!
so, IN SHORT, i could possibly get over that woman and fall just in luv with an even LOWER quality woman in a few years hahahaha.
oh yayyyyy my waifu sinead shiska is now in the hangout i hope she stays in there at least 1 hour and has a 1v1 convo with MW in the new current year
she is so purty, i guess she sort of looks like That Woman but sinead is technically better looking hahahaha
sinead was talking real fast and had that crazy look and then she abruptly left. she probably called them alt right phaggot woman hater mgtows who hate women and dont deserve a good woman like her, and that alt right is a bunch of talkers and compromisers who will sell out the huwhites while its TRUE pro whites like sinead who will save the white race by having white children and homeschooling them.
well i wuldnt disagree, that is a GREAT idea
i dont even know what she said, sound was not on, just watching the chat blow up faster than i could read it!
now sineads husbando kyle is on the hangout and sinead is in the chat hehehe. they might also be calling the alt right faggots for being pro christian, pagan is the only way hehehe
again i am not actually listening
well these are legit debates. i mean the alt right is not anything monolithically. some are christian, some are pagan, some are even atheist fedoras hahaha.
theres a new guy in there, i think its seventh son from TRS oh yasssss this might be the hottest hangout yet
this might not be the first time 7th son has shown his face…..buti have never seen his face until today!
its the new current year hahahaha.
i watched the countdown on fox news and then went to bed at 1220 am hehehehe. though well whos SHE fooking or kissing at midnight. last time i “partied” was 2008-9 nye because then i was drinking. i am sure i got raging drunk. yeah i think all i did was get stupid drunk, then smoked a little bit of MJ and just got completely incoherent, and the gurl i wanted to be there, a dirty mudshark crazy whore, was not even there, prob off at some other party getting drunk and fooked. i drank myself into oblivion and passed out on a couch or floor. woo hoo. great times.
so yeah i hate the tradition of you kiss some herpes ridden b at midnight who is just gonna suck some other guys d in 15 minutes hahahahaha.
well ideally you have a monog gf, or someone you are looking to make your monog gf, and then you make out with them at midnight.
i did this once when i invited Woman2 to nye party in 2004-5. i know i made out with her at some point. everyone was drinking of courshe, we went to my room, made out, i was too scared to plow her becuase i thought that was a serious thing, then she left and got plowed by another guy in the house, then i think came back to me an hour later, then left in the middle of the night hahahahaha. what a worthless whore.
however even she communicated better and treated me nicer at the very end than That Person did!
yeah i would totallly race mix with the truth will live, a qt jewish alt right gurl, who, like me, is OBSESSED WITH MORALITY, including of courshe sexual morality, and she understands why secs is serious and casual sex is IMMORAL. she is super qt as well, way qter than a J gurl should be, yet she showed her 23&me results, which is the kewl thing to do for young “alt rightists” who are interesting in race, and yeah she’s like 98% J. its legit.
i mean i dont WANT to hate women. i dont want to be a pathetic woman hater who hates women becuase he cant get a woman!
but i cant get a woman and when i try they disappoint me in very immature and hurtful ways. they throw me away like garbage or make out with me, then leave and FOOK another guy, then come back to me again after having just been fooked by another guy. that’s not right! thats not normal! NAWALT!!!!!
and i really do treat women on a case by case basis. i dont prejudge them. but i sure as hell JUDGE them! and most times i am judging by evidence that i see or they plainly admit! just talking about their slutty lives and casual relships! and i just say mhmm mhmm tell me more, but in my mind i am judging them and crossing them off the list of acceptable wives because they are clearly living a degen life and have no morals!
well i shouldnt say that. they “JUST” have very compromised sexual morals. but that is a dealbreaker for me!!
this hacker weev seems pretty kewl and he is hip to the racialism. i would hate to compete against him for a quality woman hahahaha cuz i would get BTFO rightfully.
that feel when its your job to help someone, a customer or client, they’re talking about something you dont know, and you have to figure it out through sheer force of will and you cant pass them on to someone else. you can sort of get help from people who are too busy to REALLY help you so they just give you short unhelpful answers via a chat program. that and shitty technical articles are your only resources for solving and explaining whatever ridiculous shit your person has. god damn i hated this. i would get so nervous before each day of work i would say like 2 rosaries worth of hail marys, starting before i even got out of bed, contiuing as i got ready, chugged coffee, pooped 3 times becuase the coffee, drove off to get there a solid 45 minutes before clocking in just so i could Self Train, make a good impression with higher ups, talk to people about Techincal Issues and try to win friends and influence people so i wasnt seen as a weird neet autist, read emails, read new/updated tech documents/articles/news, hail marys all the way, drinking more coffee, pooping again.
the constant nervousness really sucked. damn i hated being so NERVOUS all the time!
and SHE was there every day with me. at first she was moral support and i couldnt do it without her. then she was kryptonite and i couldnt do it WITH her there. my god how insane.
ok time to go to fatclub. my resolutions for new year are to lose weight and get new job.
not to get over her because i cant see that happening before 2017 hahahahaha. also even 2 resolutions is too much hehehehe. i am optimistic about losing weight, but i dont NEED to lose weight as much as i NEED to get damn slave job hahahaha.