yeah gonna try for a 9 miler today. i am still OVERWEIGHT due to my BMI of 26.3 hehehe

25 to 29.9 is overweight, above is OBESE hehehehe

but yeah my problem is feeling incompetent and unemployable.

ok lets ATTACK those thoughts, DEFEND against these INVADERS, these TERRORISTS.


ok if i can get down to 155 pounds i will no longer be overweight hahahahaha that is 13 pounds. ok i can lose 13 pounds right?

159/160 is my dividing line hahahaha. 159 is normal, 160 overweight. i am at 167-68 right now. damn.

yes i am a manlet.

anyway ok. i am unemployable and incompetent.

uhhh i am not sure which Cognitive Distortion this is. Emotional Reasoning a bit, because i FEEL like this, it means it must be TRUE.

and also just plain wrong. i have been employed before, therefore i am not unemployable!

also i tend to underestimate my job skills. and overestimate my “incompetence.”

therefore, i am not actually “unemployable.”

ok so goal is 159 then.

at 141 i will be 22 bmi that is probably IDEAL between the goalposts of 18.5 and 24.9 hehehehe.

heh. its funny that i feel…..if not confident, then at least competent in my Struggle to Lose Weight, but not at ALL in muh struggle to become gainfully employed.

yet many gainfully employed people have given up in their struggle to lose weight!

SHIT! losing weight is 900000000000000000000 times easier than just getting and keeping a 15 dollar an hour JOB! if you can do that, you can do ANYTHING!!!!!!!

its harder than anything. quitting heroin, quitting crack, quitting cigarettes. the only thing that compares is quitting your feelz for someone who dumped you hahahaha. so basically i gotta do to the two hardest things in the world, at the same time hahahaha.

anyway yeah

trs forum 2.0 pus thread

old trs forum neet thread

(all 2.0/old forum threads are gone forever as that forum was SHUT DOWN and we are now on 3.0 which is also current invite only, so uhhhh you basically couldnt read it even if you wanted, it is the most exclusive forum on the whole internet)


yeah im gonna put TRS forum in the side bar hahahaha because they are so good. like /pol but better. less degenerate. best online community i have found this year hahahaha

only thing is that they are too big of WINNERS. they are damn normie chad thundercock nonvirgins hahaha with good jobs and good wives and children and if you are not an UBERMENSCH like them they think you are an UNTERMENSCH hahahahaha. because whites find it easier to have altruism for other races rather than their own hahahaha.

i am oversimplifying. there are some despairing neets and autists and losers there. the point is that its a better place than r9k or god forbid wizardchan, whos link i should remove because nothing good can come out of that place hahahaha. we are trying to fix and improve people.

i made a lot of bad choices between 18 and 21. i was a young man, young and dumb, didnt know what i was doing, was confused and unfocused, and the perfect thing would be to be working as an apprentice getting trained n actual skills at that time, making money and learning things that would make more money. not going to damn college and being the worst possible student: slacker nihilist in a useless nonstem degree who was all r9ky and autist at that time and already getting too into alcohol and MJ. and i didnt have the social skills to partake of the college casual secs buffet, so got frustrated by that, looked at too much porno, came to hate women, etc. learning GAME would have been useful at that point.  but i didnt even learn about GAME until i was done with college.

Basic Game is not degenerate in and of itself. it used to be called “knowing how to talk/deal with women.” but when you use it to have dozens of sluts, or you start using the real “red pill” “dread game” and such, thats degenerate. probably dalrock is a good example of good game. he is all about finding a good wifely woman and traditional stuff. and indeed i was reading dalrock years ago. good guy.

but yeah. i needed to be whipped into shape, military would have been good, but really just no college would have been good. just working shitty jobs and slowly moving up and not living such a damn nihilistic lifestyle.

old trs forum post on curing yellow fever for white men

i prob posted this one but it bears rereading hahahaha

old forum thread by one of my old “mentors” who himself also discovered the forum and found it to be a fun exciting important place

oh lord. my buddy is back. i have enjoyed and supported this guy for years, then he sorta went underground for about a year, and now i see him debuting on TRS forums. holy shit. this is a SIGN. i am very glad to see him again. great guy with great ideas. good role model. way to be. i read his blog regularly but he took it offline for like a year. i was worried he was gone forever. well i knew he would never abandon the white race hahaha. welcome back buddy. this guy is a real MENSCH if there ever was one. and it only makes sense that he would eventually find TRS and start posting there. well except some big names like david duke or stormfront or vnn dont get involved with TRS which is their loss IMHO. TRS is a really great thing as of current year hahahaha.

yeah anyway re that woman, i never had anything so good go so bad. i never had such a REAL rel with a woman, i was much closer to her than the crazy bitches i pseudodated. it was long term and real and good. and it ended in such a bad way, worse than with those crazy bitches even, because really nothing of value was lost there.

i shouldnt even be thinking in terms of white TRASH, no whites are TRASH, HOWEVER, i dont think white men should man up and marry those white sluts. the mgtow concerns voiced in the yellow fever thread above ARE valid concerns. why should you marry and have kids with a white woman who one day turns on you, takes the kids, leaves you a broken man, steals your income, alienates you from your kids, who grow up to be Pozzed Pussies and Genetic Dead Ends?

because a 50% potention genetic dead end is less a dead end than the 100% certain genetic dead end of mixed kids or no kids. ok. i get that. i mean i had no desire for asian women, no desire to date asian women let alone have little elliot rodgers with them, im just not attracted to asians, i dont have yellow fever! BUT i do worry about white men who do. i think it is a valid problem. its not as immediately disgusting as White Female with Black Male (WF/BM), but….its still kinda disgusting! i get annoyed when white men, often mgtow or mras, talk abotu how much better asian women are than white women. or go on sleazy sex vacations to asian countries. indeed some white writers have done this and it damages their credibility and respectability imho. im not gonna name names but its all out there on the internet.

but ive race mixed in my past! the 1 gurl i had official s with, was a Merchant! can you believe it? but she was a very cute young girl at that time. at that time i didnt understand how nonwhite jews were. i just saw a cute young girl with white skin. come on. i dont blame myself for doing that. it would be stupid to NOT have s with a cute young girl who was ready and willing!!!! its not like i had a rel with her, or children! i WANTED to have a rel with her, i got FEELINGS for her, and that was unfortunate.

maybe if i HAD, i would have seen how different the J was. although i might have attributed that to her thoroughly middle class, progressive, SWPL lifestyle. J’ish parents both have phd’s, pseudointellectual middle class, etc.

so im not perfect, i have low “SMV” and ultimately i couldnt believe i had Won the Friendship of a White Woman (that woman) with such high SMV herself: under 30, no children, not a slut. the only red flags were: no father, 1 instance of mudsharking, mother has bad rels with men.  but no abuse, no drugs, no super crazy borderline, no slutting, no cutting. weighing the plus and minuses, she came out a plus.

i agree totally with what someone on a TRS thread said: regarding women, dont worry if they’re right wing or not. most women wont be. they just go along with the herd of sheeple and parrot whatever is cool at the moment.

the MAIN thing, and i 100% agree, is that they are not a slut. and not fat he also said.

well imho being a slut is worse than being fat hahahaha. but i would argue that not being a slut means that the woman is right wing at heart and just doesnt know it, but her traditional actions of treating secs seriously, speak much louder than her empty sjw words.

and being fat means they also have no self control. true, but being a slut means they have even LESS self control.

so…..what if you find a fat nonslut?

hehehehe i am all about these would you rather dillemma situations.

would you rather pick a nonslut who had been with 1 black guy out of 2 guys total, or a girl who had been with 10 white guys? 9 white guys? had a really bad tattoo? wears too much makeup?

a gurl who had only been with 2 guys and has Borderline, or a nonborderline gurl who has been with 9 guys?

a gurl with only 2 guys but no father, or a gurl with 9 guys and a father?

a 29 year old who has been with 2 guys or a 20 year old with 10 guys?

dont get me wrong, i am ASHAMED of the degenerate things i did as a young man. mainly: was an irresponsible bitch with terrible work ethic, kinda ni99erish! also too much alcohol, MJ, porno, entitlement. i realize all these things are wrong and degenerate and bad. i dont drink any more, i have not had MJ in months and i can go months without it, i dont watch porno any more. but i am still a lazy slob hahaha.

so maybe i didnt DESERVE such a high quality woman as my female friend. is what im saying.

well, i would respond to that, maybe she was out of my league in terms of SMV, BUT we were REAL friends who had a REAL relationship of some sort for a substantial amount of time, and she didnt HAVE to be so Mean and Immature when she dumped me and could and should have dumped me better.

shes emotionally immature to me yet is able to have a 5 year relationship starting at the age of 18 or 19.

so that makes me blame myself for being too beta to earn the respect of a woman. but again she could have been nicer.

and its just as hard trying to pick up all the goddamn pieces and start all over again.

trying to convince Managers that you are good enough for a Slave Job (i am stealing sinead’s word becuase i like that phrase, and i am probably in love with her hahahahahaha and better for me to be in love with a 2d waifu flat earth nutjob whos already Taken, than That Woman hahahaha. maybe in this way sinead can help me Quit That Woman.)

no i dont think shes a FED or informant or plant. i think she’s just fallen for a wacky conspiracy theory. hopefully she gets over it. maybe she wont. either way i trust her to stick with pro white stuff even if she drops the flat earth stuff. also i must believe that she is not a mudshark because i dont believe that because she has pcitures hanging out with blacks means that shes fooked them. every damn white woman has pcitures of her hanging out with blacks.

shit if half of white women have fooked blacks, how many of those were actually repentant of it, realized the error of their ways, and swore to never do it again, and become outspokenly pro white? even if she did fook a black i am willing to forgive her in other words hahahahaha.

like the guy said, the most important thing is, are they a SLUT? that is probably THE most important thing.

its cuz slut is a PATTERN of behavior over TIME. it covers a lot of Metrics hahahahaha.

but yeah it hurts. i had not been that close to a woman in YEARS. plus the luv was deeper and realer because we were actual friends with an actual rel.

fook. its so hard convincing myself i didnt deserve this, because i was a weak pussy who couldnt keep muh bitch in line hahahahaha.

that something that is so special to you means nothing to someone else. thats what bothers me too. that this was all in my head and it meant nothing to her. that she is gonna just convince herself that i was unimportant part of her life and forget all about me and move on, while i will never forget about her!

when i know for at least some time i was important to her!

and shes just gonna say oh no i wasnt, that was all in MY head.

like the earlier women. it was all in my head. it was just casual dating to them, and it was something important to me. cuz they could have secs sluttily without getting feelings. thats BAD!

but it was true that short term rels, like those, dont mean a whole lot.

whereas with That Woman, we had a Substantial Rel that lasted for a few years. therefore she doesnt have the escape route of “it was just a short term rel, we didnt really know each other, it was casual.”

it was MORE THAN CASUAL!!!!!!!!!!!

so gurls can have secs and have it be casual.

gurls can have a several years friendship and apparently thats casual too.

casual meaning they can just throw it away like garbage and never think of it again!

and That Woman was by far the worst in that department. at least the other gurls went thru the motions of talking to me. but here i really needed her to say that our Normal Friendship meant something to her. because it HAD to have, and now she is gonna DENY that for the rest of her life, and go find Luv with chad and tyrone hahahaha.

welp time to go to fatclub and listen to some nationalist music hahahaha

you dont have to like like me! just say yep we had a good friendship but now it has to end. but what we had from 2013 to 2014 was GOOD and it was important to me.

it would have been important to me even if i HADNT gotten feelings for her. and i KNOW she found it important at one point. because she expressed that, and i got that feeling from her when we hung out, and i dont often get that from women.

you can dump me but just say that what we had was good once.

but that is not gonna happen!