112 days NIC (not initiate contact ie email), 146 since i last talked to hcr and shit hit fan. ok.
switching back to coffee from tea here. 6 scoops.
eli the im not sure what he is computer guy talks about getting in good Mental Health, a decent talk from a charismatic guy who has given me better training than my tech-related job, and is a great resource when you are thrown to the wolves in a tech related job and have no idea what you are doing.
but yeah he is an energetic “aspie” who does not seem to be affected by despair or anxiety, he is just on a different level. but i say take the big pharma plutocrat poison if it helps you even a little bit.
but his wife got cancer at a young age and thankfully they apparently had the insurance to deal with that. i would just give up! but now she cannot have children, and eli always wanted children, so this is a big deal for him. for them! maybe she really wanted children too! why wouldnt she? most women probably want children and i cant blame them! its very natural!
anyway now he is turning down work so he can go hiking in the wilderness and deal with that issue hehehe.
he also drinks 80 ounces of coffee a day without shitting his pants constantly and freaking out, so i am jealous of that. i wish i could drink like 20 ounces of coffee without shitting my pants hahahaha.
heh you would think being abandoned is something men do to women more. they probably do.
im not sure shes a NARCISSIST but abandoning someone like this is a very narcissistic thing to do.
silent treatment is different than a COOLING OFF PERIOD
because after the cooling off period they eventually come back and talk to you.
i kinda wanted to let her know this was WRONG, you cant DO this to people EVER, i was DEVASTATED when she did this to me.
then i thought, well shes not gonna respond; i still wanna get together with her; still luv her; AND she might say “WELL THATS YOUR FAULT. YOU DIDNT HAVE TO BE SO HURT. DONT GET FEELINGS SO HARD AND FAST. NOT MY PROBLEM. WE DIDNT ACTUALLY DATE, YOU CLINGY NEEDY PSYCHO.”
wihtout recognizing that that is irrelevant, you still dont do this to poeple, and SHE OUGHTTA KNOW.
hehehe you outta know, i am alanis morisette.
only i am not a degenerate who sucks off guys and drinks loads in a public theatre hahahahaha
well she can prob figure out that its wrong to give someone the silent treatment like this…..
shit i might go for an outdoor walk, just for 1 hour though.
anyway the CONSENSUS of REASONABLE PEOPLE would say you dont end ANY kind of relationship, even a Friendship on the Outs, by avoidng and ignoring the other person; and especially continuing to ignore them when they BEG you to respond to the them. the consensus of common sense is, this SPEAKS VOLUMES abotu THEM, not YOU. mainly that they are a weak coward who cant face life hahahaha. they are telling you they are nowhere NEAR mature enough to be in a rel with you.
also, BEGGARS CANT ABUSE THEIR MASTERS. ITS IMPOSSIBLE. SLAVES CANT ABUSE THEIR MASTERS.
also i wanted to say that 8chan/pol moans abotu WOESY being a degenerate because of his gay past and technical Bisexuality. they just dont care that he is anti gay degeneracy and that he is probably MORE hetero than homo.
and what i would say is……. HETERO WOMEN ARE WAY MORE DEGENERATE THAN HOMO MEN.
or…..to put the focus on the behavior: promiscuity in hetero women is way more degenerate than gay sex.
in other words, neoreactionaries are quick to condemn f4ggots as degenerate and i am sure many gays certainly are, with their glory holes and standard fook parties and g4y 4n41 fisting and such, but what about the loving nonpromiscuous monogamous gays hahahaha.
the point is, the most DANGEROUS and PREVALENT form of degeneracy is Average MOdern women SLUTTING IT UP in their 20s. this happens WAYYYYYY more and is WAYYYY more destructive than gay men being gay. theres simply not that MANY gays or gay sex.
in other words, FEMALE PROMISCUITY IS A WAY BIGGER MORAL THREAT THAN GAY SECS.
yet women dont understand this! women, have have the BIGGER risks than men for secs, dont understand the way their own bodies work! you have to mansplain their own bodies to them! this is so frustrating and makes them seem so dumb and infantile!!!!!
shit i could be DEAD for all she knows. we might have been on the outs, but didnt she care enough about me to know if i was DEAD or not? that hurts.
i would never do this to someone. even if i wanted to break someone elses heart but couldnt. i wouldnt just break any persons heart as a substitute!
if i knew the person for 2 and half years and they were so upset they quit our mutual job, i would Reach Out to them (fook i hate that term) and say “come on. lets work this out. i dont want you to quit your job because of me. we can figure this out. lets talk about it and try to get along with each other. dont quit your job. thats a big deal. lets work together here. lets dialogue” hahahaha. ”
dont quit your job because of me, dont k yourself because of me, dont self destruct because of me hahahahahha
nope. absolutely no concern for me. like i say i could be DEAD for all she knows. would she even care?
maybe she would, maybe she wouldnt. she probably would a little but wouldnt express it even if i begged her to. then she would know i wasnt dead hahahaha.
file this under being treated humanely and respectfully,like a human being. you dont have to love me. just act like you care that im not dead.
woooaaaaahoaaaaaaaa ahm still alive whoooaaaawhoooaaaa
now i understand this song hahaha. im not dead, im still alive. same as her! heh it would hae been easier if she just K’d me. cuz damn i am still alive. i am alive as FOOK but i feel like the living dead.
slutty women are HARMFUL TO SOCIETY AS A WHOLE. makes it more chaotic and degenerate. increases fatherlessness.
male promiscuity is nothing to encourage, but female promiscuity is way more harmful. also, if we stop female promiscuity, then male promiscuity wil be stopped as a result. you cant have male promiscuity wihtout female promiscuity.
sex is something that women HAVE that men WANT. essentially sex is synonymous with Vag, NOT with P33n0r.
and WOMEN dont understand this. but they dont NEED to understand it, thats still how they operate.
its not a risk that can be removed by society. (well, it can be DISCOURAGED by society!). meaning, womens NATURAL REPORDUCTIVE ROLE is to be the CARRIER OF CHILDREN; and men are the depositers of sperm. this is the way its ALWAYS been, and its NEVER GONNA CHANGE.
KNOW YOUR REPRODUCTIVE ROLE.
so women can pretend they are the same as men and go out and fook promiscuously………that doesnt change a DAMN thing about those roles. they can STILL get pregnant, men never will. you dont even NEED to attach morality to it (although I certainly like to!!!!!!!!!) even from a totally amoral, utilitarian, total utility to society, the greater good type of standpoint, women slutting it up is NOT GOOD. and SHOULD be shamed and judged.
hahahaha maybe i am just reading the worst articles, and then the WORST sluts come out and comment on them.
maybe normal, average women DO understand this, their reproductive role, which is a fancy way of saying, women get pregnant, men impregnate them, so if youre a woman, BE EXTRA CAREFUL.
but among progressive, educated, middle class j00 york times readers……common sense is not so common.
did a 3 mile walk, 1 hour, not bad. good to do in the middle of the day hahaha. will of course go back to Fat Club later tonight.
I saw a guy at the Club i vaguely know. i know him but he doesnt know me really. he was really friendly and everybody loved him because he was awesome and nice and smart and probably a good mentor and role model. he enjoys his job and enjoys life and was well respected at his job. instructor of business & marketing ok. he probably has an MBA, you gotta have a masterz degree to become even a part time (“adjunct”, ie 90% of all instructors) instructor.
well you say hes a loser because he is teaching at a loser college, is what people from muh oven middle class j00niversity would say. thank god i dont believe that classist crap any more hahahaha.
anyway he might recognize me if i went up to him, but i have been avoiding him, because i would say, welp, i left old job 2 years ago, then went to a higher paying “better” job, but i quit that because i am mentally unstable and couldnt handle it, and now am at rock bottom and have no goals and no prospects, who would hire a loser like me, all jobs suck, and mah medz and shrink arent really working hahahahaha.
but he was the nicest guy. i couldnt believe someone could be successful and respected, without being a cutthroat asshole. and his area was BUSINESS of all things. well, marketing. but marketing is business hahahaha.
interesting article on the Value Of Work hahahaha
well i started a job at age 16 but it was an easy job and i didnt learn much about life and did not get tough or masculine hahaha. i almost wish i had been Forced to work fast food, retail, restaurant, or really a honest mans manual labor job like carpenter or mason or something.
it really does NOT feel good to be a huge loser!
shit when will i ever make 15 bucks an hour again. cant believe i couldnt handle a woman.
couldnt handle my EMOTIONS. 30+ years old and cant handle my emotions!
well better go back to fatclub.
oh when will those bigoted white males ever learn: punching UP is funny. punching DOWN is NOT funny. NOT ok. talk abotu missing the point.
2 minute exaholics video about your partner just vanishing without a word. nothing new here but its always good to hear other people say it: its their fault not yours hahaha.
ghosting, narcissists, decent vidya by a female TheRapist/AnalRapist hahahaha. no i liked this video and dont mean to make fun of her. even if she is probably a feminist lesbian hippie, not usually my preferred type of person hahaha.
but shes got a lot of videos about narcissists and rels, so i subbed hahahaha.
hehehe maybe i was the narcissist because i didnt want her to abandon me hahahaha.
in order to not be a narcissist, you have to want your loved ones to abandon youhahahaha
heh i think near the end she was really showing some Narcissistic traits like Blameshifting and Avoiding but i dont think she was a real narcissist. she was under a lot of stress and was completely emotionally unavailable to me and acted in some narcissistic ways at that time. but when things were good, she was so kind and caring and selfless she could not possibly be a real narcissist. but i wish she was better at communicating with me. you can be stressed and emotionally unavail, and still communicate.
she communicated with others. but she was invested in them, she loved them.
not a good enough excuse!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO LOVE SOMEONE TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM!!!
she could have still communicated with me even if she was not in love with me.
write an email perhaps. or one text hahahaha. or have her family or friends contact me and say shes sorry about all this.
113 days since IC ahahah. initiating contact. days NIC. 147 days since i talked to her. maybe 145 days since ive SEEN her hahaha.
she didnt always give me the silent treatment. she was just distant and made excuses not to hang out, but she still talked to me and was someone nice to me. when she started giving the official silent treatment, i totally lost it immediately. i snapped.
i guess if it were a real cooling off period, she would have eventually responded to my emails, or responded to that one after 1 month of not seeing her.
but yeah it wasnt always silent treatment. once silent treatment started, i FLIPPED OUT IMMEDIATELY. that sucked. wish i hadnt done that.
i didnt really like this one cuz she blamed the man for “forcing” his wife to become distant and kiss another man. and she thinks that silent tretment occurs because you are CRITICIZING them and they dont like it so they give you silent treatment.
i dont think i was criticizing, i was just saying im worried, we dont communicate, we dont hang out, i dont want us to be distant, i dont want to lose you, please lets work on this.
i wanted to talk, she didnt want to talk.
i wanted to try to work on the rel, she didnt want to try.
HOW DO YOU COMPROMISE WITH THIS???
what, do i just say, ok i’ll manage my expectations, and no longer want you to talk about problems.
theres no middle ground here. either you talk, even a litle bit, or you dont.
i guess talking a LITTLE BIT would be the compromise. because then you could have a short, shitty talk which doesnt get to the root of the problem, then she can say OK I TALKED, YOU HAPPY????? and you would say no because it was a short shitty talk that didnt address anything. which probably would be the type of talk we would have had.
this is why i like writing emails, because you can say everything you want to say. of course they dont have to read or respond to everything! they can ignore the more important things! like when i sandwiched important things in with small talk. she would respond ONLY to the small talk and ignore the big talk. and these were not long emails, they were just little chats at work.
obsess abotu woman during the day, obsess abotu jobs and jow useless and skillless and valueless i am durng the other parts of the day. never get a job for an adult man. if i do, not be TOUGH enough to WITHSTAND, and quit like a sensitive phaggy weak millennial sissy whos afraid of work.
did a 3 miler in the cold, try to to a 7-8 miler later tonight at fatclub.
anyway i dont think she is a true narcissist. the 2 gurls i psuedodated were more narcissistic, although they caused me less hurt (in the long run hahaha) and dumped me nicer.
she was taking a page from the narcissists cookbook, ie silent treatment and stonewalling and passive aggressive and ghosting are definitely typical textbook classic narcissist things. but i honestly dont think she was a narcissist, as much as she was overwhelmed and cowardly and Avoidant.
so shes very close with her mom. she could have her MOM email or text me. i would accept that as an apology.
but shes probably convinced her mom that i am as big of a creep as her deadbeat father hahahaha.
abandonment issues. i dont get the hate. PEOPLE HAVE ABANDONMENT ISSUES BECAUSE ABANDONMENT IS HORRIBLY PAINFUL. you are RIGHT to have an issue about it. it sucks and shouldnt be held against someone. unless it’s directly causing issues in your rel. like they jsut dont believe you would never abandon them, so they never trust you, and go and cheat on you hahahaha. i laugh but you know this happens a lot! you pushed me to cheat on you because i didnt trust you! even though you never did anything to show you were untrustworthy. or you did one little thing they RATIONALIZED as an excuse not to trust you. like you worked late one day! oh that settles it hes cheating on me! so its ok if i cheat on him! cuz he wasnt trustworthy!
in that case i migth mention abndonment issues as being a bad thing.
but yeah abandonment is bad and rightly causes issues.
and people need to communicate with each other to deal with issues.
anyway i just feel completely emasculated re jobs. i cant do any jobs, i cant handle the stress, i cant handle the abuse, and this is only if im LUCKY enough to get a shit job.
well fact is, I did my previous job, which was shitty, BUT there PLENTY of jobs that are just as if not more shitty, plus teh pay was not shitty.
i can see what gavin mcinnes was trying to say in that takis article above, but reading stuff like that does not boost my confidence.
what would boost my confidence is actually DOING a job like that and surviving.
basically in the current year you have to bribe your coworkers to train you how to do your job. I will pay 10 dollars for your goddam lunch if you can train me on my job during lunch. i will pay you 20 bucks if you come over after/before your shift for an hour to explain things to me and teach me things.
and this is just ridiculous. i used to study work stuff while at home so as to try to teach myself things…….but it really helps to have a teacher, just to check your work, just to give you the thumbs up and say “YEP YOURE UNDERSTANDING IT CORRECTLY.” or, GOD WILLING, to give some god damn insight of their own, in explaining how and why.
fooking help me, tell me if im doing it right, so i can look like i know what im doing in front of the customer.
i HATE being left to look incompetent in front of a customer.
ok i took that as in a “tell me about a weakness and how you fixed it” interview question, and put it in my classic glorious interview file:
“I used to get FLUSTERED because I felt I was being left to look incompetent in front of clients, always saying, I don’t know, but let me find out for you, then put them on hold, and come back 5 to 10 minutes later with an unsatisfactory explanation. I improved this weakness by learning how to ask better questions of my callers, and also when asking for help. I needed to be detailed and clear with my level 2’s in order to get more satisfactory answers from them. I realized the responsibility was on me: I could only get explanations that were as good as the information I supplied them. I also I would go back and study the case and the relevant documentation after my shift so that I understood the issue and its impacted systems, fully, before the start of my next shift. ”
shit bitch. hahahaha. beat that. bribe bitches to train you on your job. because you cant ask questions abotu your job during your shift, because youre supposed to be doing your job. and you cant ask questions of other people during their shifts, cuz theyre supposed to be doing THEIR job. not TRAINING you hahahaha.
i would be and i HAVE BEEN a great TRAINER in the past. I would HELP people, i was HAPPY to help people, cuz i know how I needed help, and i appreciated the help i got, and i knew how hard good help was to get, but it didnt ahve to be that way. so i gave great help quite a bit. people would go to the official help channels and get crapped on or ignored or led astray. i would say just do this, and just tell them this, this is the bullshit article to use which supposedly explains it, but it doesnt, so just come up with a bullshit story inspired by this article.
well sometimes people were tired or moody or tired of answering phones for 60 hours a week and could not create a bullshit story on the fly.
this wasnt a mind numbing thing where you could just turn you mind off for 8, 10, 12 hours a day. your mind had to be switched ON, and then when you survived to the end of a shift, you wanted to OBLITERATE your mind with drugs and alcohol, because it was spinning with trying to make sense out of stupid technical problems.
it was like doing hard math problems all day, on stuff you didnt really know, but your callers thought you should know, with shitty help, and no one was willing or able to check your work, so you were never sure you did shit right, until they called back and said the shit was broken again, but you would not get that call, and it would be impossible to prove if you didnt do the shit right, OR the shit just broke again, OR if it was different shit breaking but they thought it was the same.
this is the shit i found myself in because of her hahahaha. i never would have been in that stupid job because of her.
BUT OTOH, she Helped Me Grow, because i really needed a new, more serious job. and she arguably pushed me out of my comfort zone, helped me improve as a person. helped me grow.
then pulled the rug from underneath me.
i dont necessarily regret the job. i regret meeting her hahahaha. but the job did teach me good skills. but what good are the skills if they dont help me get hired?
or if you can only get a worse job.
dat feel when you are moving down in your career over time hahahaha. i just threw away at least 8 years of my life. now i am about 15 years behind people of my age hahahahahahaha but its true haha.
well maybe only 12 or so. but at least 10 o god. not a good feel!
thats why i like women that are at least 8 years younger !
i did find a woman who is 39 or 40 who is very attractive. she aged very well. i wont say her name but she is a not quite yet internet famous writer. but she really should be married and have at least 3 kids by now. at age 39 and 40…..i mean you cant even have healthy kids with that, which makes me sad for her. she might have been a good mother. but seriously why ISNT she married with kids? which makes me think she might be a little CRAY CRAY. dumping guys, sabotaging rels, a little chad carousel mayhaps. doesn’t matter if she has some hawt right-wing views.
but yeah i would bury myself so deep in her that who ever could pull me out would be crowned king arthur hahahaha.
same as with That Woman. BECAUSE I loved her above all other women, therefore I also wanted to bang her more than any other woman!
are you ALL IN, or only 60% in?
are you 100% sure you want them and only them? or only 50%?
ask yourself these questions. i was 100% in for her.
its fine that she wasnt in even 1% for me. SHE COULDA BEEN NICER. SHE COULDA TAKEN FIVE MINUTES TO WRITE A NOTE: sorry this isnt gonna work out, i cant do this, youre a good person, i appreciate our friendship, but i cant go forward the way you want. im sorry. i give you my best wishes.
just 2 sentences would have saved me MONTHS of pain. easily.
talk about a return on investment!!!
maybe IM a narcissist! i AM pretty selfish i admit, but i HOPE im not a narcissist!
heh according to the one question narcissist test, i am. hahaha but that is bullshit.
on this quiz i got way below average. and average was below narcissist.
wow a shitty article by hip millennial feminist laurie penny on the rape accusations on hip millennial feminist degenerate porn actor james deen being a rapist, is current the NUMBER ONE article on time.com hahaha.
once laurie penny responded directly to millennial woes, who is teased cuz he wants to bang her, she told him no youre not my type hahahaha; and once millennial woes responded directly to me when i first discovered him over a year ago and said good work lad and he said thank you to me.
this means i am famous hahahaha i am a narcissist.
well MW is a handsome man and laurie penny is an ugly “MUNTER” so she should be greatful. well shes not as ugly as lena dunham. so i am desperate enough that i would bang laurie penny. consensually of course hahaha. no im not a fooking RAPIST and i REFUSE men are as bad as these feminist COWS say we are!
anyway her star is on the rise and she is about as big as a young “journalist” can be. and her stuff is absolute poison. she is already in the middle class mainstream and i can see the Smarter College Gurls really loving her and her babykilling bullshit hahahaha. i wasted 10 minutes reading her twitter and was poisoned by bullshit and degeneracy hahaha.
well THAT WOMAN was not a disgusting feminist like this. i dont think. i would have liked to have some deeper conversations with her about these things. i caught her reading jezebel a couple times and i mansplained to her, you know you shouldnt read that because its man hating feminist marxist poison right? its pure evil, dont read it please! she just said lol and did not respond to these specifics. i honestly think she honestly thought it was just a fun thing to read, like buzzfeed and gawker………….without realizing the HORRIBLE political and moral underpinnings of this poison. i think many Millennials do this. its just fun stuff to read for people who like reading ANY kind of news or opinion. hey at least they like to read anything, they could just do instagram and snapchat and shit all day and have no interest in the world!
like youre young and you read it cuz its hip and edgy and geared towards the young. but you dont clearly understand that its insane leftist sjw marxist degenerate poison. you dont fully understand left and right yet. or you say its all the same hahahaha. and become a gayass libertarian atheist fedora neckbeard. no. any thinking person SHOULD eventually end up on the RIGHT hahaha.
although i would be very in favor if Restricting Free Trade if it meant Making American Great Again hahahaha. and then i would get a sweet 15 DAHJ building american made tvs or some shit hahaha.
as a neoreactionary, i believe there are higher values than the economic.
such as human dignity, and nationalism hahahaha. and women not being horrible whores hahaha.
you could even be a fedora atheist and agree that WOMEN BEING PROMISCUOUS IS BAD FOR SOCIETY. it leads to increased violence; more thuggish behavior from men; more chaos and disorder and instability; more fatherlessness; more heartbreak; more broken homes and bad families and bastard kids.
YOU THINK THIS IS A MOTHERFOOKIN GAME????!?!?!?!?!