am i the only sane person that i need to mansplain basic emotional intelligence lessons to women, like “ghosting” is painful? that it hurts a lot to be thrown away like garbage. compared to being “dumped cordially”? hehehe recent PT article on the pain of “ghosting” which is a gay word
One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low.13 If you have been through multiple ghostings or if your self-esteem is already low you are likely to experience the rejection as even more painful, and it may take you longer to get over it as people with lower-self-esteem have less natural opioid (pain-killer) released into the brain after a rejection when compared to those whose self-esteem is higher.14
Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty.15 It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.
Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive-aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.
How do you move forward?
The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. It shows he/she doesn’t have the courage to deal with the discomfort of their emotions or yours, and they either don’t understand the impact of their behavior or worse don’t care. In any case they have sent you an extremely loud message that says: I don’t have what it takes to have a mature healthy relationship with you. Be the better person, retain your dignity, and let him/her go peacefully.
Don’t allow someone else’s bad behavior to rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from another relationship. Keep your energy focused on doing what makes you happy. Know that if you are someone who treats people with respect and integrity then the ghoster simply wasn’t on your wavelength and someone better is coming your way, as long as you keep your heart open and your focus forward.
ok gotcha. will do hahahaha. great article on a horrible thing haw haw haw.
” “Plenty of people” don’t become emotional and verbal abusers for no reason.
Ghosting is a severe form of emotional abuse, on par with cheating. There is no respectfulness in either. Verbal abuse, even though reprehensible and hurtful, is not as insidious as pretending that, not only you ceased to exist, but also all that you ever had together was void of any true meaning, feelings or purpose, and therefore not even worthy any acknowledgement. On the other hand, even if you scream and shout at someone, at least you acknowledge that person is/was part of your life.” a comment on that article hahahahahaa
a Bad breakup can cause despair even more than the death of a loved one, phds say
Researchers found losses that involved lower self-esteem were twice
as likely to trigger depression as ones that involved loss alone. This
was particularly true of breakups that were initiated by the other
partner or that involved infidelity or violence.
“The most toxic combination was loss and humiliation that in
some way directly devalued the individual,” says Kenneth S.
Kendler, professor of psychiatry and lead author of the study.
yes doc id say i was DIRECTLY DEVALUED hahahahaha! Directly Devalued? ID SAY SO!!!!!
this guy is kind of a fruity hippy but he manages to make some interesting points
which i am too lazy to copy paste.
TO WORDPRESS STAFF: if you think i am violating TOS or some shit by copy and pasting long quotes, just go ahead and unpublish THIS POST ONLY and let me know, rather than shutting the whole blog down and making me beg to have somebody review it.
yeah its painful cuz its a condemnation of me. its not saying, i just cant do this any more, dont take this to mean you are a bad person. its i cant do this any more AND you are a bad person, a piece of shit. which is a terrible thing to tell somebody while you are DUMPING them.
you take it as a real bad value judgment against yourself. a good breakup vs a bad breakup hahahaha and this was a bad one.
anyway i can forgive her because she was having some family stress and that will be my final verdict as to “WHY SHE DID THIS” because GOD HELP ME if I could ever understand why you could ever throw away another person like garbage. i dont WANT to understand that point of view.
so i will just say she was/is under a lot of family stress.
its not a GOOD excuse or reason, because she can still do her JOB; and also my pain is still probably worse than hers. a bad breakup is worse or as bad as a death of a loved one hahahaha.
also if my loved one were dying, i would still be able to READ ONE EMAIL. and i would also be able to WRITE ONE EMAIL, saying, sorry i just cant do this, we need to stop hanging out, im sorry to break your heart, its not you its me, i am not rejecting you as a human being, but this is the end, sorry, take care, bye bye. see? one sentence. i wrote it in LESS THAN ONE MINUTE. even if ALL my loved ones were dying AT THE SAME TIME i could take LESS THAN ONE MINUTE to write something.
maybe she feels betrayed that i “picked the worst possible time” to get feelings for her, when she was having family trouble. basically a beloved family member is getting old and infirm and doesnt have too much longer. well i got the feelings before i knew abotu that, it took a while of my pushiness before she even told me this. getting information from her is WORSE than pulling teeth. its like pulling teeth that never come out.
im the mother fookin MOON MAN hahahaha. the one and only n199er killin racist moon hahahaha. ratta tat tat dat ass, droppin n199erz like dummies hahahahahaha
and building traditional nuclear familiez with traditional marriageable loving nonpromiscuous womenz hahahaha
anyway i of course addressed all this in the emails. i address just about EVERYTHING in the emails, if she would just READ them. i said i KNEW it was a horrible timing, and i didnt PLAN to get these feelings at this time, and i KNOW about the family thing, but PLEASE just respond to me with a short message or something. i just want to be treated like a human being. i know our rel has to end, but lets end it in a good way rather than a horrible way PLEASE.
also becuase she is a classic victim, some kind of tragedy is ALWAYS happening with her. i think she honestly is unlucky but other times i wonder if she is just a “tragedy magnet.” like stop pretending you really knew that random person who died hahahahaha you met them once 10 years ago hahahahaha. i dont know she stopped letting me in to talk about stuff, she wanted to shut me out and not have me know her any more.
prob because she was uncomfortable with me liking her. she felt that was putting too much pressure on her. i wasnt putting pressure on her to like me back. i am EMOTIONALLY MATURE enough to know you cant MAKE somebody like you.
you can ask them to TALK ABOUT something that is affecting BOTH OF YOU however.
anyway yeah this was a legit family tragedy rather than somebody she went to grade school with dying, so i can/do/will forgive her for having a lot on her plate and treating me poorly. just saying that if all my loved ones were dying at the same time and somebody liked me, i would still be able to read their emails and reply to them.
really? like i would CHOOSE to get feelings for you, at a time when you were undergoing a lot of stress and could not POSSIBLY return them. come on.
now i get an irritable bowelz from drinking TEA. not AS bad as coffee, but still irritated and poopy. come on.
but yeah anxiety does not become MEN. and when men get anxiety its more debilitating for them than it is for women. it totally ruins their whole life in other words.
MILLENNIAL WOES is doing 7 days of hangouts around the xmas. 4 hours a day, 7 days straight. this is awesome. i was JUST THINKING, why doesnt he do a regular hangout, like a chat room of old, only now you can do a hangout. so i hope he does like 1 hangout a week just to talk to people. i like that he likes talking to people and engaging them, this builds a real community imho. i might even get in on one of the hangouts! THE WOES DOES NOT CLOSE.
anuwhee. im sorry i was not perfect! in healthy relships the people accept each other for NOT being perfect. in unhealthy rels, one person will find some stupid reason to dump you even if you are damn near perfect.
if my whole family were on their deathbed and she wrote me an email saying SORRY FOR LIKING YOU, please respond, I WOULD RESPOND. Id say no dont be sorry, im sorry i dont like you back. thats final. we should have some distance between each other now. i respect what we had and i dont want to throw you away like garbage. you are a good human being but i just will never feel that way about you, im sorry. it will be for the best for us not to hang out any more becuase we want different things out of each other. take care and im sorry it could never work out. feel free to write more but im not gonna change my mind on this, its final. but since we should end this, i think we should end it in a mutually respectful way. the end.
DONE! i just did it AGAIN, in under 5 minutes. Now I can go back to tend to my whole family on their deathbed.
you can send me emails and voice recordings cuz i know its important to feel heard.
but i just dont want you like that. you cant make me love you. im sorry. i know it hurts. ive been there before. for me the best thing was no contact. dont get any false hopes. i will not lead you on. get over me and find someone who does appreciate you. im sorry to have to do this because i know it hurts. but i have to cuz its the truth. this is the end.
but yeah i dont WANT meet anyone new, i dont want to go through all of that. i already Vetted her, i already knew she was a good person, she passed the test, and then she went completely off the reservation. but its so hard to START OVER with someone new, especially when i dont want to, especially when i dont make friends easily, especially when i met her we got along SO EASILY, right away, yet we didnt fook each other right away like most filthy whores, we got along well immediately but still took our time to get to know each other, because it takes TIME to get to know and trust someone. always. it doesnt happen overnight. so why do people fook each other overnight? its stupid and it RUINS relationships imho. well it does for me. and anyone else who believes you should take time to get to know each other before having secs. which is like .0000000000000000001% of people unfortuantely.
ok try it again just for fun: im sorry but i dont like you back. this is going to hurt you and im sorry. i dont want to lead you on, or throw you away. im sorry but i dont share these feelings. because of that i dont think we can be just friends any more. sorry about that. it doesnt mean i hate you. i dont hate you. i think youre a good person, but i just dont feel the same way as you do, and if we continue hanging out, that will probably hurt you, and i dont want to lead you on. so we have to end this. im sorry it worked out this way but i cant change the way i feel. i just dont have feelings for you and i never will. take care of yourself. goodbye and im sorry.
the end. DONE! AGAIN!
its SO EASY! and ive never ever had to do this before! i just know what i’d like to hear from having it happen to me!
i was thinking about just LYING and saying i was laid off. its SO MUCH EASIER than to say you got hysterical and unrealiable and RAGEQUIT cause youre an anxious unmasculine omega male who couldnt handle a WOMAN. damn.